#art's really important to me and i'm kinda mad at myself for not letting myself express myself through media right now

[drewbs]

i feel like i've been neglecting my art recently

[eebie]

Eeeeebles how do you draw so cool so much all the time do you do anythjng for motivation /inspiration bc iomm suffering wit drawing rn n u r seriously one of my FAV fav artists forever so if u Just so happen to have any advice on thar. aaughaaoauugghhhhh

AUUWUUWGHHHHH.... I LOVE U ANON ................ Well i feel u with the inspiration sometimes im like Bluuehhhggrhhhh i dont want 2 fucking draw/whats the point/idk WHAT 2 draw and usually those r thje times where i kinda like. step back like Woah, why am i putting all of this pressure on myself 2 perform when it only makes me even more stressed about it!!! does the entire opposite of what u want. its like messing around with ooblek the more pressure you put on it the more it doesnt wanna go anywhere And if you keep tryin it'll just. crumble up. So ease up a bit ^_^... let yourself rest. watch things that inspire you or just make you feel good! i know spiderverse is HUGE for me, as well as gorillaz and little nightmares, so that's usually my go-to.

Sometimes trying out new mediums helps a lot too!!!! the other day i was Feelin it real bad i was just sitting at my desk binging a show mindless like.. damn i havent drawn in forever, i kinda wanna but i just Can't like why bother... but i was also just. Bored out of my bualls (boredom is very good for creativity) so i grabbed my sketchbook anyways n decided to try something new with colored pencils. it was kinda Icky at first like wtf... this feels lame. I still hate drawing. but i just kept doing it like little scribbles, gently poking at the ooblek And That Metaphor Sucks Now and i'm not going to use it anymore. but anyways i just did some small nothings, no-effort doodlin which helped me relax, and slowly, eventually, i was like, hey i actually remember why i liked doin art in the first place! And now i've gone mad with power and use colored pencil all the time and it fucking rocks. so yeah just trying something new can help a bunch, esp if you're feeling stuck! watercolor is fun but unforgiving, so bewaaaaaare ehehe.

also did a whole other ask about how important it is to keep a sketchbook that's convenient to use while you're on the move, if you can get your hands on one! small and easy to whip out is the way 2 go, because it's a huge moodkiller when you have to haul around a giant ass brick that takes forever to get out and put away yknow! at the present moment i tear through sketchbooks like i am someone who really loves to eat paper as compared to when i had a really big notebook and barely did anything in it because it was 1. hard to move, and 2. intimidating as hell b/c of how big the pages were!!

[boobachu]

That one post with all the pound sign mumblings where everyone is gushing

It kinda got me thinking like... maybe I'm just a terrible artist. Maybe I'm a bad entertainer.

Maybe the depression's gotten so great I'm just worthless, like I haven't made a finished comic since 2014.

My let's plays are mostly ignored.

I dunno maybe there's no point in trying.

Like I used to blame the shift of SNS from many communities to a conveyerbelt of information where you only comment if you're mad and/or horny.

But maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just bunk. Like maybe I should just stop trying.

Maybe I should just pack up my art supplies and just... give up.

It's not like I have room for shit anyway. Absolutely no one is anticipating Jennis Gang returning. Like I think two people care that I had to nuke my dA over being trolled and those two just want to see the 20 year old Amy Rose panty shot art I drew when I was adolescent.

Which, most of the comments are either horny and I block them or prudish and I also block them so it's just aunno mayn.

Maybe it was a mistake to try, maybe I should just goof oof and never really care about anything.

I mean, I can't make a living off of this, I'm too depressed to really have fun with it, and I'm also terribly mediocre.

Like the biggest impact I had was making white belly pikachu popular and also boobs slapped on pokemon (not "basically a human but with pikachu's head")

Maybe I'm just kidding myself, other artists aren't languishing, not if they're actually good.

If you're not having fun, quit. You're not doing anything important anyway.

[tsuki-sennin]

It's a lovely morning in Rider Japan, and you are a horrible Vice. I'm exaggerating, of course, but this should be a fun and goofy episode, considering all the revelations in the plot and how silly these characters are.

Spoilers, I guess...

-Ghost Ikki!

-It must feel so weird to have a guy just... in your orifices.

-And I don't mean it in a sexual way, I just mean like... in you.

-So, you're saying whoever made the Rolling Stamp is smarter than you, George?

-Oh god, experimentation.

-At last, after 10000 years! I'm free! Time to conquer earth!

-#IkkiFromTheEar

-No! Goddamn!

-Man, all this makes me wonder what kind of horrific thoughts lie within the immortal and all-knowing mind of Lovekov.

-"Oh haha, that's crazy, haha!" says Olteca, the lying little bitch.

-But see, that's why he's a good villain. He puts Jeanne and Live on equal threat level, he doesn't underestimate anyone.

-Oh yeah, last week! Kuuki Kaidan! They were important, weren't they?

-The most "Manzai" content I really watch is the Touhou M-1 Grand Prix or whenever the art form happens to show up in whatever anime I'm watching, but Kuuki Kaidan... those guys have great comic timing, very talented fellas. I probably wouldn't do it myself, especially since I played a certain Haru and Haru minigame in Yakuza 5 and by the time I finally perfected it I wanted Haruka's slap to spin Haruo's head like a top.

-Wow, I guess nobody really minds Vice hanging out in public. That's nice, I suppose????

-Ladies and gentlemen... the Weeknd! Er, Weekend Organization!

-You motherfuckers are mad sus.

-Yeah that's right Sakura, don't trust 'em!

-Ah, that's nice! Tamaki's got a job!

-Hey, Hikaru-kun! What're you and your creepy ass parents trying to accomplish? By all means, fuck Fenix, they're assholes, but I'd appreciate a bit of transparency!

-Waste them motherfuckers!

-She speaks! :o

-DON'T HURT THE BABY

-Okay, so... that implies you're protecting him.

-JACKAL TIME YES

-Idk if I've said before, but I love Live's Jackal Genome suit, it's so goddamn cool looking.

-Oh, he got rolled, ok

-And she go poof.

-KAGERO MY MAN

-Are we gonna see all four TwoSiDriver suits in one day?

-You're only winning because you have hax enabled Olteca, get over yourself :<

-See, Kagero's handling you pretty quick-like.

-It'd be great to see the two of you become proper friends, Dai-chan!

-I see this tailing mission George is on is taking the Ubisoft approach. Invisible if you're like ten yards away and being very obvious, absolutely and unbelievably conspicuous if you're nine yards away being as quiet as possible.

-Sakura, please don't phrase it like that, he's going through it.

-Taiko no Tatsujin! Imagine if he was just doing Megalovania, I think I would've shat myself. I think Ode to Joy's a fine public domain pick though, it's a nice callback to Build.

-...are we gonna see a Hibiki Vistamp sometime soon?

-Protecc the Ikki

-Yeah that's right, phone boy! Your hypocrisy isn't appreciated around here!

-Yep, the manager lady's definitely the contractor. ...I forgot her name, I'm very sorry.

-Gooooo, Sakura!

-Gundephone Detective, Igarashi Ikki. Coming to HBO Max, Summer 2022.

-Double Demon Delight!

-Goddamn, that's a good jingle.

-OOooooogh, pile drive that bitch.

-Oh I get it. Roll. Like the stamp do.

-Ohhhh coooooool, the Ohinbuster's still got finishers!

-#NiceVice!

-So, did they choose not to let Vice keep the phone? It is a pretty compact weapon, I think it'd have been pretty helpful.

-Oh hey, you guys!

-Mayu-chan, I'm sorry I forgot your name! Really, I should be checking the names often, but then I run the risk of spoilers and then...

-Aww, poor lass.

-Make 'er proud, lads.

-He's all spooky now.

-Oh boy, George sounds like he's gonna get real English-swear happy soon. I know he's not gonna shout fuck or anything, but

-An evil mask man!

-KARIZAKI :O

-Is this George's dad? He's the only other Karizaki we know of, so he kinda has to be. I mean, I don't think there's a possibility of that being his grandma or anything, but...

-Ah, we're addressing the disappearing next episode! ...it seems a bit more lighthearted than I was expecting, so I assume this means we're having a moment.

-Oh, quick announcement! I'm going to be getting an AO3 account soon! Where hopefully I'll be able to do more actual fanfic writing, so that should be fun! Tune in at around March 1st!

[gamgeesgarden]

Hey love, your blog is amazing! Seeing sam in the flower crown always makes me soft. I was wondering if I could get a lotr/hobbit matchup? It would make my week

I'm short, chubby, muscular, and probably too confident for my own good lol. I have a permanent blush, which gets annoying because whenever i exercise, my face gets red. Like, super flushed up. It's kinda embarrassing. I also have super thick hair (my hairstylist says there's enough hair on my head for 4 people), and it's getting pretty long.

I love writing, baking, reading, history, crafts, sports, and singing. Also, HEMA (historical european martial arts), where I learn how to fight with a lot of different european weapons, and i'm best a broadsword. Though, i also have a brass walking cane that i can use pretty well. Basically, i know how to f*ck sh*t up, but with historical accuracy. I also have started taking an interest in gymnastics, and hope to start learning soon.

Personality: Okay, i found this out recently, but when people first meet me, they think i'm unapproachable. To quote my co-workers, "stoic and reserved". My sister recently said that I (mostly) always look calm and collected, even when things are a mess, so there's that too. But, when the ice is broken, i'm chaotic and will rant about all my hyperfixations and interests. I take pride in being a kind person, and I always try to make sure that everyone I care about is doing alright. I get bubbly and excited, and smile a whole lot when having a fun conversation. also, should probably mention i'm autistic, and i stim when i'm happy. When i'm around those i don't know, i'll force myself to stop, but when i'm comfortable with people, it's flappy hands and snappy fingers when im excited lol.

Also, i'm touch-starved. So hugs and cuddles are incredibly important.

I think that's enough to go on, thank you so very much!

UM HELLO IM A MILITARY HISTORY MAJOR AND I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FUCK SHIT UP WITH A CANE AND A BROADSWORD YOU ARE SO COOL

Okay Dwalin is a badass with an attitude and I love him. He really admires your capability with weapons and dwarves are all about that thick long hair for braiding. Since he no longer has any on top of his head he especially likes braiding yours even though he always acts like its an inconvenience. He is also rather intimidating at first and everyone in the mountain gives the two of you a wide berth when you are together (except for the Company who couldn’t care less). He thinks your blushing is really cute as well as when you get really excited about things. He quietly listens to you but if you pay close attention he’s giving a soft smile under his beard. He also loves that you get along with pretty much everyone in the Company (even Thorin who admires you for a lot of the same reaons Dwalin does). The only thing he can’t stand is that you get along very well with the Mirkwood Elves (Legolas has been helping you with archery and Dwalin is S T E A M I N G mad). But thats really just because he’s petty and jealous.

I think Faramir would be rather taken with you. He admires your versatility in fighting and laughed for at least a solid two minutes when you told him you didn’t realize how intimidating you were. “You can kill a grown man with not but a cane and you didn’t realize you were intimidating?” He never lets it go. You make him smile a lot and he is always happy to engage in a good conversation about history or whatever has caught your interest. He can get rather smug about having snagged you as he usually gets the second best things in life, so the fact that he got the best this time is a never ending source of glee for him. Also he is 110% down with cuddles all day every day. 

[your-average-weeb-dealer]

HELLO OH MY CONGRATS ON 130!!!?! I'd love to enter your event!!!!!! I was wondering if I could have either a deathnote or bnha matchup!!!?? I am a Leo, and an enfp!!! My pronouns are she/her, and I am heteroromantic and asexual!!! So first thing I'd look for in a s/o would be that they were respectful of me being ace!!!! The dream would be to be with someone that would either do impulsive things with me, or just stop me from doing them when it gets out of hand!!! My dream date would either be an amusement park so we can ride some crazy rollercoasters, a picnic where we can make flower crowns, doing crazy things really early in the morning when I can't sleep, or just staying home and baking while watching movies!!! I have a hard time going to sleep, and I don't want to bug anyone because of that!! I have a pretty major sweet tooth, so if they also enjoy chocolates and cake and just overly sweet things then that's a bonus!!! I tend to lean towards people who are the opposite of me meaning they are either not very expressive, or they can be a little more harsh(?) than I can!!! *Laughs in both mommy and daddy issues* I am great at carrying conversations as I am very talkative!!! I am 5'0, and I have a smaller build!! I have blonde curly hair that right now is getting to be kinda long so I am going to cut it back to shoulder length!!! I have blue eyes, and tend to dress kinda out there!!! I love to wear pastel colours, with lots of crazy accessories!!! A bonus with a s/o would be that they have a sense of fashion!!! I express myself via my clothing and by making art!!! I am in the middle of expanding my jewelry collection, and I just made a whole heap of crazy earrings!!! I love to embroider and sculpt and just create things!!! I used to love making digital art but I haven't really done much of that in a while because I compared my work with that of other artists too much... I can be confident at times, but my insecurities do come out, and in order to deal with that ideally I would surround myself with people that would be able to help me in those times!!! Also on that note I'm over 7 months ed relapse free!!!!!! I am so happy to be at this point and my friends have helped me so much I owe the world to all of them!!! My home life isn't all that great but I have plans to move to Chicago and become a florist!!! I love dogs!!! I also love music and I cannot exist without background noise and I don't want to annoy anyone with that... one of the most important things for me when it comes to people is being around those who aren't racist, sexist, homophobic, or just not supportive of letting people be who they are or want to be!! At this point I am just ranting, so thank you for the opportunity!!! I hope you have an amazing day, and don't forget to drink some water!!!

Thanks for all the info!! And congrats on 7 months, it takes a lot of strength to get that far!! 

I match you with...

Mello/Mihael Keehl (from Death note)

-and- 

Denki Kaminari (from Bnha)

Chocoholic (Mello)

you’d be the perfect couple... besides the fact that he’s in the mafia- 

He’s go out of his way to buy you sweets (he may even share some of chocolate... if he’s in a good mood) 

Being that he gets overly emotional a lot of the times, he would probably end up impulsively doing random illegal shit with you 

He’d stop you from doing stupid impulsive things as well 

Dates with him would probably be indoor movie dates and cuddling

He can’t do that much with you since... well he is a criminal 

He’d be a total tsundere, he’d be a complete jackass when you first met but as you get to know him he’d be a lil softy

H E  P R O T E C C 

He’d get mad if you couldn’t sleep and didn’t come over to him and ask for cuddles  

He wouldn’t mind having music playing while he works- it just better be something he likes. 

He probably goes shopping with you, and he’s good at it 

I mean he’s got money and a fashion sense, there’s no way you’re going to be walking around in something basic or bland

Memelord (Denki) 

You would both be the trouble makers of U.A

Anything happens and you and Kaminari are the first to get the blame

it makes sense though, you and him are both super impulsive

Your dates would mostly be to amusement parks, pinic dates, walks on the beach and you trying to still be with him whilst avoiding Mineta   

He doesn’t mind at all that your ace- ok he may be a little disappointed at first but he’ll get over it because... 

A PRETTY GIRL WANTS TO DATE HIM

I mean he can’t even get over how happy he is

He definitely knows how to draw, and may even draw little comics of the two of you 

He’ll braid flowers into your hair while you’re on a picnic date 

If you ever compare your art to his he’ll just say

“Huh? B-but, it’s not a competition. I drew this so you could see how beautiful you are” (denki) he said holding up a portrait he made of you  

He tried learn how to sculpt so he could relate to you even more-

yeah, it turned out just looking like a giant lump of clay

You and him run around the U.A school grounds when you can’t sleep, destroying everything you come in contact with 

(A/n: AHHh I didn’t expect so many people to request match ups!! Don’t worry I’ll get to all of them!) 

[gotxanyxramen]

Hi, I saw you're doing this soo😌

Fav characters: Dazai and Fyodor (if it's only one character allowed, ypu can do for Dazai)

Hobbies: Listening to music, drawing, reading, watching anime, volleyball and cycling

Sign: Scorpio

Fav colors: black, beige amd grey

Personality: My mbti is INTJ. I'm good at listening and giving advices and I'm very understanding and supportive. Some of my traits: innovative, kind, short-tempered, smart, caring, stubborn, sarcastic, perfectionist, perspective, always trying to be one step ahead of my enemy, feminist, ambitious often lazy, but when I want to reach my goal I'll do it. It's hard for me to find more friends because I can't get along with just anyone. I tend to be insecure about myself, but I'm doing everything to rise my confidence and security. I never ever judge anyone or talk about someone behind their back. I like to do whatever I feel like doing in the moment and often end not knowing what's happening in my class which annoys my friends a little, but I don't care. Future is very important to me. I want to be an architect and fashion designer ☺️

Style: grunge and dark academia aesthetic

Likes: coffee, art, books, people with tolerance, chocolate, to make someone happy

Dislikes: Insects, math, stupid people

Sorry if this is a bit too much 😅

Thank you for requesting!! I don't write for fyodor, but I will eventually!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes when your both board, you'll listen to music together, you'll either share ear buds, or dazai will blast music on the radio

He's also really interested with what you draw, he thinks your skills are great!!

If you want him to he'll be your own personal model!

He'll watch anime with you on a lazy day!

His face genres are phycological, mystery, and horror

(Idk why I think that lol)

He's also interested in what you read aswell

Recommend him a book and he'll read it, and after he'll give you an honest opinion

(I'm assuming you play volleyball)

He likes to watch you play volleyball

He'll be at all of your games and hype you up

Some people have to tell him to calm him down cuz he gets to loud.

He'll get his own bike and go cycling with you!

Y'all will go near the beach and just ride bikes together

He might even get one of those 2 seater bikes

He's glad your good at listening, he know that if he's struggling he can talk to you, and you'll understand and give him advice

Hes glad your kind to others and want to make people happy.

He finds it funny when you lose your temper

But just not with him

If it's serious he'll find it kinda funny that you showed that person their place

But he'll also be kinda mad at that person because how dare they make fun of his belladonna.

He thinks it funny when your being sarcastic to kunikida.

He like that your pretty chill, but when you have a goal you'll achieve it.

If your feeling insecure, he'll do everything to make you feel better

He'll hype you up real good.

He knows you'll never judge him for anything so he really let's his guard down with you.

He glad that your future is important to you

And he know that you have really good goals for your life, and he'll help you achieve those goals in anyway he can.

He'll take you on cafe dates

He also doesn't like all that much math or stupid people

So he'll do the best he can to get you away from all that

Depending on the bug, finds it cool

Sometimes he'll scare you with fake bugs

But if you look really scared he'll stop doing that

A relationship with dazai is really fun, and he'll always be there for you know that you'll do the same for him.

Hope you liked it!!

[dailyhowl]

how do I not get mad at myself when I write the first draft? like for some reason, I rage quit when I know it's not supposed to make sense, it's fresh and new, yet I'm like "Nah, no, terrible." Now I have like 10 unfinished works because of my other belief the story is supposed to be perfect at the start, even though I know this isn't true. Sorry, this is wayyyyyyyy to long

Hi anon, I’m very flattered you came to me for advice! 

It can be very hard to be kind to yourself when writing, as it is to be frustrated by a story not taking shape like you would hope. It sounds like you have great ideas, but just a little trouble being patient enough to work through them. I gather that deep down you know ‘this is supposed to be messy at first’ but it’s frustrating to be in that state for ‘too long’? I think it would be best to really tell yourself that it’s important for your work to be sloppy at first! Let yourself just get into the zone of ideas and mood/theme, let yourself explore these things without the constraint of expectations of the quality at first draft.  Maybe an overdone metaphor, but one I like nonetheless, is that you have to treat your writing like you’re painting a canvas. Layers upon layers. You can change and manipulate the paint as you go, as you see fit, and it will only be building your skills and understanding of the art as you go. I think to even just visualise that process helps a lot.

Take note of the things you do like about what you have written INCLUDING the things you’ve written that you don’t like YET. For example, you’ve written something, and the concept is good and you sort of like how it is, but it’s not detailed enough and doesn’t convey the mood properly. Concentrate on what you want to improve on. You’ve already got the good ideas in place, you just need to bulk it up a bit. So, what’s missing? Character details? Character motivations/mood? Environment building? Just keeping layering! Similarly, if you’re reading some dialouge you’ve written and it seems too wordy/awkward, you can pause and think about how you can communicate the same thing different, while keeping what you do like about if there.

So, for example, let’s say I’m a character in this story. Originally, I write that I say “I’m really embarrassed about spending so much time admiring John Lennon’s thighs.” You can refine it and improve it by considering the voice of the character and what they are trying to communicate. It’s handy to have the original piece of writing because it’s the groundwork for what you want to build up on and refine. 

So it becomes “John Lennon’s thighs are incredible, aren’t they? I’m kinda... obsessed, actually.”

Maybe not the best example, but hopefully you know what I mean. Most important is that you be kind to yourself and be patient, work with what you’ve got and sculpt as you go, because it’s actually really great to work with the skeleton of something rather than nothing at all!

Best of luck, I hope that helps!

[appropriate-writers-name]

Therapy with Sheem

21 Days of Self Care: Day 10

This is technically yesterday's self care act, but I was to tired to post at the end of the night, anywaysssssss

Baked a Cake

So being a cake decorator is literally my entire personality. I live, breathe, and sleep baking and decorating, been this way since I was 13 bribing teachers with cookies in 8th grade. So now that I've moved out of my parents house, my teeny tiny kitchenette in my apartment is too small to bake anything without wanting to pull my hair out. So for the last year or so, I haven't really baked anything and it honestly has been kinda hard. Baking isn't just my job, it's my stress and anxiety outlet. Having a bad day? Gonna make soufflé. Bad grade on a test? Gonna make some cinnamon rolls. Plans got cancelled? Some coffee cake sounds nice. Birthday? You already know I'm in charge of the cake. So for the last year I haven't had this really important part of my mental health care routine, and it has definitely taken a toll on me. There is a real difference between working at a bakery and baking at home as a form of self care, so yesterday I decided to bake a cake for my friend's daughter's 15th birthday. To say it was a disaster of a day is a fucking understatement. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong, and everything that could possibly go right, also went wrong(I know that technically doesn't make sense, just go with it). I spent the morning running around like a mad woman because I overslept, spent way too much money at Michael's who all but robbed me with their ridiculous prices, went to 3 different stores to find daisies and couldn't for the life of me, went to 3 different different stores to find this spray that I needed so I had to manage without it, forgot several ingredients so I had to wing it because I was crunched for time, couldn't get my buttercream to set up right for God knows what reason, and then when I thought the worst of it was over, my buttercream LITERALLY MELTED off my cake. *cue anxiety meltdown* I cried, like a lot. Thankfully I've mastered the art of crying while frosting cakes, so after I threw myself on the floor in woe, I got back up and started to problem solve.

Actual footage of me yesterday

Scraped off all the frosting, put everything into the fridge to see if it would set up, texted my friend I was running a bit late, and then returned to my panic attack. Cried some more, was not very nice myself, impatiently kept opening the fridge door and letting all the cold air out, kept typing out long winded messages to my friend of why I can't come through with the cake before deleting it, crying even more, looking through my portfolio of work I've done and then crying even harder as I think of my "glory days" and how I've "lost my touch". 20 minutes later I go back to the fridge and get back to work. I do the best that I can with what I have and tell myself at least it'll taste good 😅 got in my car with my wobbly sad cake, proceeded to call my friend and tell her I was on my way and because I've got anxiety I had to warn her that the cake was going to not meet expectations. I looked a hot mess, covered in sugar, flour, and tears. I was supposed to change and shower while the cake cooled but of course my meltdown took precedence. I drive all the way up there, she conveniently had flowers which I was thankful for. I got there and showed her and her husband, and they were so impressed by my ugly cake. Of course I didn't believe the compliments, but I smiled and nodded anyways. Then her daughters came home and saw it and were so excited about it. They were all so sweet, and at some point I started to look at it and think I didn't do too bad.

Anyways, by the end of the night I was glad that I made the cake, got to have fun with my friend's family, and I was apart of their celebration. Idk how self care-ish this was, but my therapist said my perseverance counts so I'll take it😅

You vs the one she told you not to worry about 🥴

[your-ace-cousin-clover]

ahhhh hi sorry for the LATE response, life's been kinda wild lately

anyway, i'm really glad you liked the poem & i don't mind you sharing it :)

(plus, a new prompt sounds nice)

(&btw, richard siken's new book is gonna be called "blue jupiters" (as far as i know copper canyon press will publish it))

also, happy you liked the recs! i found it cool how you said "the way god chooses to escape from his own reality through someone who does not believe enough in him to question him at first"! couldn't have put it better myself.

(sorry if this ask seems all over the place, i just have to get somewhere and i'm gonna be mad late - but i really want to finally send a response)

i enjoyed your recommendations a lot so let me elaborate real quick-

the problem with travel:

right off the bat, same.

traveling does always make me feel like i'm starting a new chapter and i should act accordingly.

love "kill the kid stuff, start to act my numbers" - the choice of words you use when writing is so important. (thats why i cant judge anyone who spends a long ass time on thesaurus! sometimes writing really does feel like looking through a lost & found or fishing the right word out of a goodwill bin! flipping through a magazine in search for the right word to cut out and stick on your collage!) imagine how substantially different the poem would sound if limon had written "start to act my age" instead of "start to act my numbers"

"[...] - we’re small

and flawed, but I want to be

who I am, going where

I’m going, all over again."

this^ part kills me in a good way

accident report in the tall, tall weeds:

"my ex got hit by a bus"

gets right to the point. kinda like a short story? an immediate jump into action

i might've said this before but i like it when poems tell stories (i mean i guess they all do, in a way, but i specifically mean the ones that have clear characters? if that makes sense)

"No tampering with the great universal brake wires."

ahhh yeah - when you feel like a thought can cause real life consequences

"When the plane went down in San Francisco,

I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes.

He memorizes the wrecked metal details,

the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke.

Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes:

The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa.

How people go on, and how people don’t.

It was almost a year before I learned

that his brother was a pilot.

I can’t help it,

I love the way men love."

^ don't you love it when a poem beats your heart to a pulp?

"What I saw in the men who came before,

sometimes I don’t want to say this out loud,

was someone I could hold up to my ear

and hear the ocean, something I could say my name into,

and have it returned in the inky waves."

self recognition through the other! yeah! sometimes people are people and sometimes people are mirrors and i know this wasn't her point but aren't we all just saying "hey! this is how i feel! do you feel like that too?" and sometimes "language is complicated but i think you know exactly what i mean and i know what you mean too!" and "when our experience overlaps the cosmic alone-ness becomes bearable!"

shit i'd love to drop another rec but i REALLY have to go now! hope to hear from you soon

-cat

Well, lmao Cat now, I'm the one who's late in replying, but yeah, I've been really busy. Now, I've got a bit of a time to reply to your ask.

First of all, "Don't You Wonder, Sometimes?" by Tracy Smith is a really interesting poem especially centred around Bowie. I love how the poet makes Bowie into a mythical being, like a sort of a spirit rather than a mortal man.

"Not God, exactly. More like-

Some thin-hipped glittering Bowie-being"

I love how the poem takes in the spirit of Bowie as something that will keep living on -

"Saying nothing is lost, that everything lives on waiting only

To be wanted back badly enough?

Bowie will never die. Nothing will come for him in his sleep

Or charging through his veins. And he’ll never grow old,"

It's just a beautiful way to think of the artist living on despite their death. They live through those they have touched with their art as well as their art themselves.

"In which I’m forever a child looking out my window at the night sky

Thinking one day I’ll touch the world with bare hands

Even if it burns."

And I just simply love these lines ^^^ . I love the poem touches up on reincarnation. It's interesting as it mentions how people are reincarnated a few times and then, they go to the beyond.

"And how many lives

Before take-off, before we find ourselves

Beyond ourselves, all glam-glow, all twinkle and gold?"

And finally, I love how the deification fo Bowie continues making him into a cryptid? That's the best way I can describe it honestly.

"When a man his size can meet

Your eyes for just a blip of time

And send a thought like SHINE

SHINE SHINE SHINE SHINE

Straight to your mind. Bowie,

I want to believe you."

(I followed your style of picking up lines and talking about them - it's a pretty fun thing to do)

{Purple happens to be my fav colour so, yeah I annotated with purple}

And yeah, language is funky like that. Honestly, I love the fact that people swap art with each and it's like every though we're different, you go through the same emotions. No matter whatever niche emotion is, someone has already written about it! If they haven't, you can always write it!

This reminded of a favourite poem of mine (tw : homophobia and sort of death ? though) which reminds me of the awkwardness of telling people I'm queer / coming out to them. It's called Three A.M. by Jill McDonough.

Also, I've been reading some more stuff to rec them and to hear your thoughts on them. It's all food - themed because I really got into food poetry last week. And as I was talking to a lovely mutual about the intimacy of cooking food and feeding someone.

I'd highly rec the movie "Big Eden". It's a wonderful gay rom-com movie with no homophobia at all and a lot of intimate cooking and wanting to make sure that your crush is loved and taken care off.

But anyway -

Having a Coke with You by Frank O'Hara

Perhaps the World Ends Here by Joy Harjo

The Orange by Wendy Cope

For Grace, After A Party by Frank O'Hara

Eating Together by Li-Young Lee

And these two posts are where I got these poems from, so perhaps you could read the other ones in the list.

Food Poems 1

Food Poems 2

And also, you're into Succession! Yay!! Are you into Tomgreg? If you're not, that's chill. But, like more Tomgreg people the better. I'd love to hear your thoughts about the show too! :) And like I said before, I really enjoyed your Kendall edit! Did you get a chance to watch my Tomgreg edit? It's called Don't Blame Me, I put it on my Tumblr. (No pressure if you can't)

And I have to ask, because I forgot, what are your pronouns, Cat? I use she/they. I just wanted to ask what you want me to use while referring to you. And let me know if you wanna do another poetry writing swap again.

Anyway, that's it for now! Let me know what you think! I hope to hear from you soon :)

[erin-epica]

Woop-de-doo, it's Lord Scarlet stuff part 2

This was a post I planned on making WAY sooner, but I accidentally lost the original draft so I didn't even bother to try doing it gain until recently. And just now something happened that changed everything; and I mean what both DID and DIDN'T automatically give me the right to post this. I almost deleted my first post at that, and here's why:

In the first post, I mentioned that when I initially found out Vic was lying to me, I was quiet about it and just stopped talking to her out of fear, and then when I asked for help on what to do I was told to leave without a word. I don't think that was entirely the right thing to do in the long run, because it may have been the easiest way out but I'm better off with proper closure.

And the thoughts she left me scarred with never left my head. Time and time again, I'd find myself crying myself to sleep again at the thought of Brock forced to hide romantic feelings for Master Frown and not know who he was anymore while Frown was left unaware and in love with someone else, even if it wasn't Lord Scarlet.

And the pain sometimes came with a want to confront Vic one last time and open up to her about how I wasn't blind anymore, and how much she really hurt me. But I, again, wass scared she wouldn't care and would cut me off.

So when the pain got worse, I did what any coward would do: tell everyone else about my pain.

Now I DID tell friends of mine other than the Unikitty Amino staff about what happened, and they were all sympathetic and understanding about it. But then I told almost everyone, and then made my vent post on here (as well as Wattpad). As much as I wouldn't want to call them call out posts, they might as well have been. I didn't want people to harass Vic and make her mad...but at the same time I kinda did. I was too scared to face her that I was hoping that someone would do it for me. I even tagged accounts of Vic's. Not cool of me at all.

Now the Tumblr and Wattpad posts got me pretty much more of the same: sympathy, and acceptance that I had moved on. No one came after Vic but we could still agree that none of her actions were justified (I even got @careeningle's attention...sorry about the aneurysm)

Now comes the next important thing that happened, because I mentioned @friffinx kinda being responsible for me getting back to the Lord Scarlet Amino to write the message that I did. In it, I said that after I sent the message I did I would leave the Amino again & for good.

Well...I lied. I still checked in every day for the same reason I started venting: I kinda wanted Vic to see my message. Even if she'd ban me, I wanted to see if she'd ever notice my message. And that would've been the end of it if it wasn't for Brook.

I briefly mentioned Brook in the last post. She was another OC of Vic's, and was exactly to Brock what Lord Scarlet was to Master Frown; a carbon copy love interest. Except Lord Scarlet was far more developed and drawn & written about more. Brook didn't even really have a distinct personality, she was a girl Brock and that was it. But with reptilian overlord eyes. (To be fair, Vic drew Brock like that sometimes too)

(I didn't include Vic's art unless it was in chat bgs or whatever in the last post, but for the sake of referencing/proving a point, this is what Brook looks like)

No one really paid attention to her for the longest time. She was there in the fanfics because according to Vic, "Scarlet needed a friend." And like I said in the first post, Brook wasn't said to be canon so I never found a reason to really care for her. Plus I can only recall someone giving Vic fanart with her, and it was with Scarlet (@plastic-papercuts made it, go follow her she's gr8).

But then one day, for some reason, something in me clicked. I actually thought of a story idea for her. Somehow this bland cutout of a character had potential in my eyes, and I weirdly started liking her because of it. She suddenly felt...more real. I got pretty invested in my idea and newfound interpretation of Brook, and describing it would make this post way longer than it is so if anyone asks about it, I'll probably make a whole other post about it.

Anyway, I came up with a little plan: draw out this idea in the form of a comic and post it to the Lord Scarlet Amino. And see if Vic gets suspicious and checks out my profile and then maybe bans me. It felt a bit better than total silence and she'd probably see that someone gave a crap about Brook after all.

So I started a new chat called "It's Brook" to share my progress with the other members of the Amino, which there weren't too many of but we had fun in it. It was basically me, @friffinx , @soapycocacola, @plastic-papercuts, and a few others who aren't on Tumblr (or at least don't think are) chatting about how awful Vic was and calling out her lazy art tactics like tracing and using assets/clips right from the show. And of course me sharing the comic progress I was making. Again, this doesn't make anything we did right but it felt good getting everything off our chests. We were like a secret rebellion against an absentee dictator. One time Vic came online as we were chatting and even viewed my profile, but nothing happened. And it stayed that way until I opened Amino up one morning. For those of you who don't have it, the menu shows all the communities you're in when you open the app, and all of mine were there except for the Lord Scarlet Amino. I assumed I must've been banned overnight. But I wasn't banned from Vic's other Amino so I commented on her wall on that one. For Vic's sake, I won't show how the conversation went (and I'll explain why at the end) but here's how it went:

Me: Did you ban me from the LS Amino?

Her: There was drama in one of the chat rooms and I'm not having it. I didn't want to do it and it's not a big deal It's just an amino and you're still on this one AM I RIGHT?

Me: Yes, but I assume you read my updated bio. As I hoped you would.

Her: Nope.

Me: Oh. But you know what? Ban me from here too for all I care, I feel like you deserve to know why I left and came back: *insert me finally telling her how I know she lied, that she hurt me, and what I did was wrong here*

Her: Lol ok be that person but keep in mind that I'm one of those people that doesn't gibe a fuck lol

And then she banned me from that Amino too before I could type and submit a fitting farewell reply.

At least I finally got all the built-up emotional pain out of me, but it did help me realize something important: we never really were friends. I wanted more of her content despite all her red flags as a person so I tried enduring them, thinking it'd be worth it, and she only kinda cared about me when I was being a yes man. She never kept any promises and didn't respect me the same way I did her. So I could at least feel confident knowing she most likely didn't care at all when I first left.

@friffinx and the others didn't get banned, though, and Friff even started another chat on the LS Amino called "It's Brook 2" where they talked more about Vic being a terrible person. And it didn't take long for her to shut that chat down too and ban everyone from it that time. Friff sent me screenshots of what happened next (which again, I'm not gonna show), where Vic basically had a meltdown. She changed her username to "Little Miss Guillotine", and made a post about her being "finished with the bushit". In it, she announced that she didn't even like Unikitty! anymore but was still gonna keep/use Lord Scarlet because she wanted to. The part that made my blood almost boil wasn't her views on the show, she's free to have her opinion and I couldn't care less about it. What DID was that she acknowledged that she lied the whole time because "she didn't care anymore" and said that it was "our faults for believing it in the first place" and that "we needed to grow up"/"stop brining it up"

Ooooh boy, victim blaming, my favortie...

Since then she changed the Lord Scarlet Amino's theme to make it about The Penguins of Madagacar (again, fine with me). Either way she was still a narcissist and I thought she'd, sadly, likely never change. And my friends and I all thought that was the end of it.

Until a few hours ago...

I was browsing the Unikitty Amino and saw a new member named BlueCat. Didn't think anything else of it until the user PMed me. And this is what happened:

I didn't know what to think other than "I thought this day would never come", I was that shaken. This was so left field-ish that what else could I do but believe her? It didn't even seem suspicious or like she was trying to be a suck up, that wasn't Vic at all.

But the one thing I knew I had to do was ban her because even if she meant well and did it for the right(?) reasons, but I still asked if I should in the staff chat. @girly-glorious (also amazing so pls check her out :D) told me that yes, it was ban evasion so since I'm a leader too now I could to it on my own. But I knew I had to message Vic first and Girly told me to be careful, so this is what I sent:

And then I banned her, the end (not really)

Now I don't understand how or why this sudden behavior change happened but I don't know if I should question it in case it's personal. But again, I at least want to believe that she's really being genuine and had a change of heart because never in a million years could I imagine her being this mature. Again, she didn't demand that I forgive me or probably even expect me to. But the message still does leave me feeling sorry for her.

Now I thought that was the real end of it until I see the Penguins of Madagascar/old Lord Scarlet Amino on my sideboard.

She unbanned me.

Now I don't know where we'll go from here, if anywhere. I'm not too sure if I can really let my guard down around someone who hurt me so badly just in case she does it again. So I may not talk to her again, but if she really asks something from me, I might try and build up courage to ask her more about how she came to apologizing to me. Plus she followed me on Wattpad too.

But this is why I didn't show our conversation right before my ban or her "f.u." posts. Because I don't want people seeing more of Vic's past behavior and possibly embarrassing her about it if she ever sees this. But that's kinda why I felt like it was 100% necessary to finally make a sequel post in the end; I'm hoping people at least acknowledge Vic has changed and don't keep thinking about based on what I shared out of attempts to gain sympathy like a crybaby.

So before I go: PLEASE, DON'T GO AFTER OR HARASS VIC. I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON'T, BUT THIS IS SERIOUS. ALL THE PROBLEMATIC LORD SCARLET DRAMA IS STUFF OF THE PAST AND NEITHER OF US WANT TO KEEP LOOKING BACK ON IT.

I hope this helps whoever's reading as much as it did me.

[yukipri]

hello, I absolutely love your art and I really like ASL ship. I'm also an artist, but I'm afraid to post my art of it becomes i know some people can be rude about ships they don't like. How do you deal with the hate and do you have any advice for someone that wants that kind of confidence to post with out judgement?

Thanks so much for liking my work!

I wish I had a comforting answer for you, but the truth is this: There’s no way to post anything publicly online without judgement. People are always judging, and it’d be alright if they did so silently without being in your face about it, but oftentimes those who take greatest offense are the most vocal (the combination between this and the fact that those who like your work are oftentimes too shy to say anything can have really devastating consequences for self-confidence).

While there have always been people vocal about ships/characters/interpretations/whatever that they don’t like, I’d say that it’s arguably much worse now than it was when I started posting my work on Tumblr, due to both rampant purity culture, and again, fewer people who reblog and give positive comments to validate you and your work.

I wish I could tell you that i’m confident about the work that I post (both in content and artistic execution), but in reality, I’m not. I doubt myself all the time! My self-confidence is always 6 ft under!! I ask myself whether it’s worth posting before every post!! And sometimes, the answer my brain provides is No, it’s not worth posting.

But y’know what? I post anyway ^ ^;;;;;

I guess this is getting off on a bit of a tangent, because you’re asking about ship hate. But for me personally, my fight with my inner voice being mean about myself and my work is so much more vicious than any anti, that idk, the anti seems really mild in comparison? ^ ^;;;; Like oh, you don’t like my ship. Well that’s cute. I have a billion other far more valid criticisms of my work, so come back with a better case and get in line!

(and in continuing to post, and continuing to interact with those who don’t like my work...I guess I’ve gotten sorta used to it? That, and I’m grateful to have followers who ARE kind to me, building that sort of community is important!)

Oh don’t get me wrong, I still get in a sour mood whenever someone sends an unwanted opinion, and it does happen from time to time! But the thing is, there are a lot of tools to block out those opinions and to keep them from reaching you again, and it’s very easy for me to methodically use those, and they work. And the fact that these tools are available helps make hateful opinions seem much more like a tiny angry squirrel squeaking outside my window.

In case you’re wanting to know these steps:

1) If the unwanted comment is in a reply to one of your posts, you can delete the reply so you can’t see it anymore!

2) You can block the user. This prevents them from being able to interact with your posts and send any more unwanted opinions. (I think it’s also based on their IP address, so they can’t harass you on an alternate account either). If you do this to an anon user, they’ll be blocked and you’ll never even know who they were, so can’t even unblock them! Whee!

3) If they’re actually threatening you, you can report them. Rn, tumblr staff’s been pretty good at responding, perhaps due to changed ownership. If they actually threaten to harm you, don’t leave it at blocking, report them! (but also, make sure to only use this option when you are being threatened irl. Reporting is serious, and not a tool to be abused for, “They said something mean and I don’t like them.”)

4) MOST IMPORTANT: Don’t engage with them. I know if they give a shitty opinion, it’s easy to get heated and want to argue. But most likely, they’re hiding it under anon anyway, and you’re doing exactly what they want by getting mad. They don’t care about logic or whether or not their point makes sense. Their only goal is to upset you. So don’t let them win!

The best thing to do, REALLY, is to ignore them. Don’t give them a response by answering their ask, don’t reblog their response if they added it to your post that way. Especially if they’re anon, they have no choice but to keep refreshing your blog in hopes you respond, no way to get notified. Cool, let them keep doing that forever! They’re not worth your time. And they can’t win an argument you don’t accept, so they’ve lost as soon as you’ve rejected them.

(and if you feel like it, before blocking/deleting their shitty messages, take a screenshot, and then share it with your friends in private to laugh at them. It’s quite cathartic ^v^)b)

Another note, but if you’re nervous about posting content about an unpopular ship, it’s okay to ease yourself into it too. You don’t have to draw them naked ‘n snogging right from the get go (and tumblr doesn’t allow n//s//f//w anyway). You may have noticed that a LOT of my works are kinda ambiguously shippy/platonic if you squint and want to read it that way. Part of that’s just bc that’s the sort of content I enjoy creating, with romance being ambiguous, but it’s also less provocative if you want to avoid confrontation with antis ^ ^;

And ANOTHER note, but make sure to tag your ships! It’s a courtesy that’s important to remember on Tumblr and AO3 (and I wish would be adopted on twitter sigh). Tagging is us creators’ way of staying in our lane, and putting up all proper warnings. IF despite the tags, content consumers decide not to blacklist and engage anyway, well, then that’s on them.

So this answer got a bit long and isn’t at all concise, and I apologize for that. But I hope there’s an answer for you buried in here somewhere.

TLDR: There’s always gonna be judgement. Decide for yourself whether you want to post. Not everyone who posts has confidence, you’re not alone. Having positive interactions helps balance out the damage done by negative ones. Be prepared by knowing what tools you’ve got when the negative ones come. If you’re nervous, it’s ok to create more ambiguous content. Tag your posts.

And a final comment: make sure to enjoy creating! Create because you love it first and foremost, and let your creation be an expression of that joy.

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

CHARACTER SPOTLIGHT

ADDISON WOODS, P 1

Requested by @zoophobiapika

For anyone who does not know what this is, Character Spotlight 1 is where I criticized how a specified character is written. Part 2 is where I analyze the character and make predictions. Also, I'm doing these in a slightly different format, so if you see me redo my Damian character spotlight, don't be surprised (plus I'm not proud of that one). I am also specifically criticizing how the character is written. I'm no expert when it comes to art, so if you'd like a critique on his design, I'd recommend bugging @rzphhs.

Zoophobia belongs to our fandom's Lord and savior, Vivziepop. This, however, is not a critique of her CURRENT writing skills. Not sure if you noticed, but zoophobia is kinda old. The reason I'm doing this is because I believe that when we analyze stories we love and find flaws within them, we can find ways to improve our own writing. I do not hate Vivziepop, and this is not meant as an attack. Also, you're free to disagree with me. I'm not some godly figure who's always correct. However, I ask that any comments remain civil. If any arguments or whatever break out over this, Imma Chase some bitches with a pool noodle. We good? Let's go.

-------------------------------------------------

" BREAKING NEWS. LOCAL CANADIAN HAS DECIDED TO ONCE AGAIN TALK BAD ABOUT AN INCREDIBLY CUTE CHARACTER! IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS INDIVIDUAL REPORT THEM TO THE DEPARTMENT OF WHOGIVESAFUCK AND TURN THEM IN IMMEDIATELY. THIS PERSON WAS LAST SEEN ROBBING A STARBUCKS, WHICH YOU'D THINK WOULD BE A BIGGER CRIME, BUT HEY, WE ALL KNOW WHAT TAKES PRIORITY! "

Oh what a lovely day. I haven't slept all night, and I have ammonia or something. Lovely. What a perfect time to talk about a fictional character. Look, if it's any comfort to the fan girls who come across this, part 2 will have me being more of a fan than a critic. Just bare with me for this, and if worse comes to worse, blame Pika.

-----------------------

As per usual, let's get started with some criticism I don't agree with.

Addison looks like a girl

Alright, first of all, don't read my stories. Second, maybe this is because I live in Canada where the need for equality is pounded into your head every other hour, but...yeah? Dudes can look girly. Have you never seen a girly guy before? If so, how? Now, I'm aware that some people have an issue with this because Addi is gay, and girly gays are a common trope when gays are presented in media. While yes, this is true, Addi being a sort of trope isn't necessarily a bad thing. A trope-y character can still be written well and be entertaining. Besides, it's been said that all original ideas have been done before, so good luck trying to ever find a 100% original character anywhere.

-----------------------------

That's about all, but before I tear this character limb from limb, I'd like to go over things I DO like about this character.

He was ok in chapter 3

Yeah, he had problems there too, like when he just stood around and had little to no reaction to his bff turning into a mini cuthulu, but those are not problems exclusive to Addi. He didn't stand out much, per say, but what we got wasn't terrible. His banter with others was fine and even funny at some points.

He has a character motivation

Yeah, his goal to find love is a boring one, but unlike some of our other important characters, he actually has one.

He might be more interesting in the future

Addison is basically an artificial life form created by Xirxene, and not only is Xirxen after him, if Vivz still goes with this concept in the reboot, he apparently has mad sword skills yo, a dark side called Adder, and can summon two giant ass snakes. If that concept is still going to be used, then hell yeah, I'm down for that shit

----------------------------

Now the moment we've been waiting for. What do I have against Addi? Why do I find him annoying as a critic of zp? Grab a cup of maple syrup, because this'll be a doozy. I'll order my issues from least bothersome to the most.

His relationship with Gustav

Ok, I think we can all agree that this relationship was poorly done. While I myself have no problems with this pairing, the way Vivz had them come together was shit. Gustav looks like a pedo creep hitting on a student, and Addi looks like an idiot as he just lets Gustav insult one of his friends. Their relationship is hasty, and the only apparent attraction they have for each other is their looks (and Addi looking like a 12 year old doesn't really help Gustav's pedo case. Don't worry, any concerned readers, there isn't any pedophilia going on. Addi has apparently been aged up to 17, and Gustav is 19)

Just to clarify, hasty relationships in stories aren't in themselves a bad thing. This could serve as a reflection on both the characters. Perhaps they fall in love easily. Perhaps their just the type of people who'd do these sorts of things. The problem here is that Addi is the only one of the two who seems like he'd do this. It's stated by Dame (who could be hyperbolising here for all we know ) that Addi throws himself at guys very often. Gustav, however, doesn't seem to have anything about him that'd suggest he'd be down for dating someone he just met.

You know how this relationship could be fixed? Gustav is 19, so he would've graduated only a year or so ago. So, have him and Addi be old friends who hung out before Gustav graduated. Perhaps have them have an attraction to each other that was initially waved off by Gustav at first, but now he's back, he might be interested now. Also, have them be attracted to each other for more then just looks. Perhaps they respect each other's talents, perhaps they have similar interests. That'd make their relationship a little more believable.

His personality

You know, in all my time spent in the zp fan base, I've noticed that the majority of Addi fans like him because he's cute. Not because of his personality. Just because he's cute. I mean, I don't entirely blame them for focusing on his appearance more because his personality. .....woof.

Zoophobiacomic.com describes his personality as the following;

" Addison likes to keep to himself and spends most of his time working in the Art Wing. While he doesn’t often open up to others and can sometimes hide away an air of elitism, he has developed a close friendship with his classmates Damian and Sahara. Their outward energy and enthusiasm has begun to counteract Addison’s typically introverted nature"

So he's shy, and a bit of an elitist, and he's slowly becoming more self confident. Ok.....now let's look at what the comic itself presents us. For one thing, he's surprising sassy, especially in ch3, not just to Dame, but to Leeson the crazy priest as well. He's also surprisingly self centered. Look at how he reacts to Dame being a shit to other people compared to how he reacts to Dame being a shit to him. Orchestrating an event that gets your cousin set on fire? That's ok. Preventing Addi from going on a date? That bastard! He doesn't even seem to care when Gustav insults one of his best friends. He also doesn't show any regret about attacking Mackenzie. Him having these traits aren't a problem, but this raises a bit of a concern for me since I don't think this is the impression we're supposed to get from his character.

His dumbass decisions

Yes Addison, go off on a date with some sexy random dude when there's an entire organization after you and you have no way of defending yourself. 10/10. 100/100. A+. Gold Star, Gud Job, Perfect Logic, Go buy a colouring book you infant!

His PTSD

Let me get one thing strsight (so at least one thing in this post isn't gay af), I don't have an issue with him having PTSD. My problem is how it's handled. The story acts like Addi attacking Mackenzie is just peachy keen because it was triggered by his ptsd. Except guess what? It isn't.

I'm going to be honest, I (someone with more then one handicap) hate it when those with disabilities are treated like babies, and The world must conform to their needs, and nothing is their fault because mashed potatoes. Look, a handicap can affect how you live your life, but it doesn't mean you get a free ticket to easy street. If anything, your life gets harder. And guess what? People babying you and pretending that your disability prevents you from any fault DOESN'T HELP. IT MAKES YOU WORSE. I'll use one of my own handicaps as an example. I have Auditory Processing Disorder. One symptom is that I can't hear myself, do I often talk incredibly loudly without realising it. Now imagine I went through life always yelling because no one told me to take it down a peg. Soon, yelling would become a habit, and it'd be a much harder problem to fix.

You guys starting to realize why other characters acting like Addi did nothing wrong bothers me? That's not how you react when someone with a disability does something like Addi does. It also makes me concerned that the comic will continue down the route of "oh, he has a disorder, so he's not really at fault ", excusing various bad things Addi does on his PTSD.

--------------------

So now I've typed out enough words to rewrite the American constitution, I'll end it here. Thank you for reading, and tell me what you think. If you'd like to see me critique another character like this, feel free to request it.

I apologize for wasting your time.

-ATOUN

[supere1113]

The Artist In Me - Track 6: Gifted Alien

Here in the album lies a palpable tone change. We're 5 tracks in, and I wanted the first five tracks of TAIM to be sort of a mirror to the 5 tracks that make up Identity, as they are transcendent projects: TAIM explores the ideas that Identity lays the foundation for. This was a happy coincidence, but those five tracks almost mirror Identity in length, too! Just 2 or 3 minutes difference, Identity being longer. They ALSO mirror each other in the sense that they are kind of an exposition of me, my beliefs, my core and my values. 1) Inspiration is your friend. Love it. 2) "I can hang out with my friends, the next day, I'll be fine with reading books at my house!" Ha ha ha! 3) I'm multi-talented, and I do what I want. "And you can, too!" 4) I have big dreams, and I want to achieve them all. And 5) Imma stay original, Imma stay authentic, I tell my story, and you can come along for the ride! (I kinda set you up for what comes next in that last one ha ha ha!)

I also put a tone change here to signal a switch in the narrative at this point in the album. I go from telling you about myself and things about me, to telling you stories about my life as a preteen after I got all those values and what I experienced that defined that era of my life... while also telling you one more thing about me. I'm on the Autism spectrum.

In this, the very heart of the album, I tell you about my developmental make-up. I tell you that I am autistic. High-functioning autism is what they call mine now. If you personally know me, or have seen any of my content online, this may surprise you because you're probably thinking, "Evan never seemed autistic to me." I'll get to that in a second. Anyways, I got diagnosed when I was in 4th grade, but my mom didn't tell me until I was 11 (it was called Asperger's Syndrome at the time, but the people who diagnose it have put all of the different types of autism under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorder, or autism for short since then, so I'll call it that since it's not 2009 anymore. Technicalities). Michael Jackson had died that same year she told me and that really affected me deeply. It had never happened to someone I cared that much about. Amidst that loss, I was... "gifted" with this new information as well.

My perception of autism has changed over the years, and I see it differently than I did then. But at the time, I was really confused about what that means to and for me. I didn't know how to make sense of it, how to perceive it. I was led to believe that I was like everyone else mentally, and then my mom tells me that I'm not, but in fact, markedly atypical from other kids, other people. I could write a book on autism and how to notice it in minorities, but the most prevalent "symptoms" (I hate that word) you can find in me are that I struggle to make and especially maintain eye contact. It's scary and really just... overstimulating to observe all the features of the human face. Even the moon is terrifying to look at sometimes because it looks like a giant abstraction of a human face floating in the sky! Doesn't that sound scary?! I also was born without a "social chip" in my brain if you will. "How is he able to be so nice and mannerable and perceptive without a social chip?" You can't really tell on the surface because I learned how to socialize early on, but I had to learn it like I learned math and science and reading. I'm an incredibly fast learner, so I've gotten really good at it, but socializing will never be second nature to me. Always a weird art that every other human likes to do, and I learned how to do it because I want to connect with said humans. For nearly 40% of my life, I was overtly enthralled by the Titanic. Everything about her (you can tell my enthusiasm as I address the ship as a she. This ship is my everything). The circumstances behind her sinking, the arithmetic of the dead and the survivors, the morals of the passengers, how the disaster affected human history, random facts, and most of all, her technical specifications and visual appearance. And the (in)accuracy of the many movies made about her. She's the reason I'm a designer. How's that for defining a kid's life?! For most of my childhood, I spoke mostly about Titanic and it annoyed a lot of people to hear me talk back then. The thing is, I didn't pick up on the fact that they felt that way. That's Autism. Right there. Many people "on the autism spectrum" as were categorized, are also very smart and typically skilled and blessed with some sort of talent, or multiple talents in my case. I know I'm not the only one like that, either. Michelangelo and Sir Isaac Newton were autistic as well.

So after mom told me about that, I had connected all the dots between my behaviors. So the big question became, "What am I?!"

In postmodern society, kids and honestly everybody are led to perceive diagnosable developmental differences or so-called "disabilities" as just that - disabilities. So I slowly began to believe that something was wrong with me. It became weird to have great gifts, to have a vast collection of knowledge in your head about this one thing that you're interested in. To have trouble socializing and blending in, all because God made your mind to function differently than everyone else. I wasn't mad at God, I just confused about the whole situation... and that's what this song is about. Whew!

The musical ideas explored in Gifted Alien stem mostly from hip hop of the early to mid 1990s. Boom-bap and G-funk stuff mostly. A lot of 2Pac and Biggie influences, also some gospel sauce in that mix, too. Donnie McKlurkin, Kirk Franklin/God's Property, all that. Cool stuff.

I think that Gifted Alien is the most important song on this album because of its message and the fact that it sheds light on something that isn't really discussed to the point of people having a significant understanding of it. Autism. Also minority autism. Black autism. You don't see very many musical artists talking about this stuff in pop songs or songs made for the mainstream. So if you want to share only one song from this here album, let it be this one if you like it. I want so desperately for other autistic people, regardless of age or ethnicity, diagnosed or undiagnosed, that they are not alone. I hear them, and I'm speaking for our shared community.

Hi. I'm Evan, and I am a gifted alien. And I love you personally. ❤

You can listen to Gifted Alien here if you want. This link will take you to wherever you listen to music. YouTube included. ❤