#artemis fowl time paradox

[liznfin]

I can’t believe Artemis gets mauled by a gorilla in Time Paradox and it’s the least of his problems.

[evilkitten3]

ah yes, artemis fowl books

the little shit bastard boy

the daddy issues incident

the your actions have consequences code

the remember this bitch deception

the some guy named piss colony

the little shit bastard boy two electric boogaloo paradox

the little shit bastard boy's dissociative complex

the little shit bastard boy's future existential crisis

[lostinbooks14]

Was reading Time Paradox and,

What. The. Heck??????

[aprill-99]

Say whatever you want about the science behind the time travel in “Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox”, but it’s the only novel I’ve ever read where the main character does in fact, hatch a plan so complicated that he double crosses himself.

In 2 directions.

And that has immense literary value to me.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Past Artemis and Present Artemis Are Not Allowed in the Same Room

If Number 1 kind of nudged the door open to time travel and wibbly wobbly timey wimey shenanagins in Lost Colony, then Artemis full-on kicked it down and yeeted a grenade through it in this book. Let's talk Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox.

As per usual, SPOILERS ABOUND below the break.

There are a ton of things about this book that are amazing and in order to stay at least a little organized, we're gonna use HEADINGS this time around! That's not to say the headings are in any particular order, but life has been lifeing and I need a little help making sure I gush about everything I want to here. Because while Eoin Colfer introduced time travel in the last book, this one is a whole TIME PARADOX PLOT!

Opal Koboi, Empress of our Hearts

So, there are places for nuanced, complex, morally gray villains who have carefully throught-through ethoses and who are compelling because of their tragedy. Those kinds of villains are great.

Opal Koboi is not that kind of villain.

Opal Koboi is a villain in the classic Disney sense. She is absolutely unhinged, wants nothing more than to be Empress of the Goddamn World, and absolutely revels in setting things on fire just to watch them burn. She is rock-solid on her own worth, she is terrifyingly intelligent, and she is equally fun when she is strutting around in her own success as when she is pitching a dramatical cats tantrum because somebody said "ethics" in her presence. Our girl is sheer fun from start to finish, and honestly I love how consistent she is.

In this book, we see Opal before the events of The Arctic Incident, and it's great to know that she has ALWAYS been unhinged and glorious. If anything, this book shows us that the plan to use the B'wa Kell to take over Haven was weirdly vanilla for Opal. Sucking the bodily fluids out of endangered animals to basically Captain America super serum herself is...way more on brand.

The bit where she is too narcissistic and paranoid to stay in character as Angeline Fowl for more than like 60 seconds once Jay Jay is in the room is also AMAZING. Talk about getting in your own way...

Artemis vs. Artemis

So sometimes as a series gets increasingly lengthy, it's good to remind readers and character how much your protagonists have grown. Eoin Colfer decided that time travel was a great way to take advantage of this, and reveled in it by giving readers 10-year-old Artemis's opinion of 18-year-old Artemis and vice versa for the entire book, and it is SO FUN. They both hate each other, and understandably so. They both also have qualities that the other begrudgingly respects, and ultimately they need BOTH Artemises to resolve the plot.

We also get some really lovely instances of Artemis outsmarting and bamboozling himself. This conceit had every chance of coming off as cringe as hell, but Colfer handed it with enough humor and humanity to make it feel real rather than like a whole book devoted to a vanity plot centered on Artemis thinking he's the best thig since sliced bread.

Artemis...That was WILDLY Uncool to do to Holly

Ok, so Artemis has grown a lot over the course of five books. He's matured. He's learned how to be a reluctant antihero. He and Holly are legit friends. Which somehow manages to make it EVEN WORSE when Artemis full-on knowingly tricks Holly into thinking that she not only gave his mother a fatal illness but also started a plague that at one point killed 20% of the fairy population in three years. There's honestly no coming back from that kind of breach of trust.

And no, giving Holly a chance to say goodbye to Commander Root does NOT make Holly and Artemis square. It nicely ties up a loose emotional thread, but it does NOT square the emotional devastation of infecting a friend's mother and starting the plague 2.0. That is possibly the least believable relationship dynamic in a book where Artemis and Holly KISS (no, we're not gonna talk about it, they were both under the influence of the time stream and it doesn't count).

The truly wild thing about this is that Artemis before the fairies was a cold-hearted little bastard capable of incredible cruelty, but once Artemis understands feelings and emotional relationships, he's suddenly capable of hurting people WAY MORE than he could when he was a tiny robotic human. And of course the person he takes aim at is HOLLY SHORT. Like, FFS, Artemis. You did less damage when you had the emotional intelligence of a gold ingot...

Butler

Domovoi Butler is too good for this world and we do not deserve him. Artemis sure as hell does not deserve him, past OR present. Past Butler full on calls 10-year-old Artemis out on the act that he is *checks notes* handing over the last of a species to a group of fanatics to be horribly murdered in a kangaroo court, fully sells a sentient elf to those same fanatics, does not emotionally let Artemis off the hook when he is experiencing guilt and shame over being an accessory to murder and extinction, and TURNS THE PLANE AROUND to go save Holly and 18-year-old Artemis from the extinctionists. And thats just past Butler.

Present Butler is such a goddamn badass that he resists a juiced-up Opal Koboi's mesmer so hard that he gives himself a heart attack. Not even Opal Koboi can pull a 180 on Butler's moral compass, and even when he can't fully fight her off, he can resist in little ways, like sticking breathing tubes in barrels. Someone let this man retire happily, he has MORE THAN earned it at this point.

Baby's First Ecocritical Text

Environmentalism and ecocriticism have been very present as secondary themes in the Artemis Fowl series from the very first book, but this is, I believe, the first book where this theme gets really explicit and has real, concrete plot consequences and implications. The "hunting animals to extinction is bad for [list of reasons]" isn't the deepest or most nuanced version of the argument, but it doesn't have to be. The audience for these books are middle graders and YA readers. They get a concrete introduction to ecocriticism and some very comprehensible examples of the consequences of extinction and pollution, and that's going to be enough for more of them than you'd think to keep thinking and reading about the issue.

I highlight this because so few middle grade and YA books do ecocriticism at all, let alone this clearly and concisely. I suspect we will see more of this as climate change keep wreaking absolute havoc on quite literally everything, but these books did it before it was cool, and I really appreciate that about them.

Overall, this book is not my favorite of the series. Time travel can be a hard sell, even if you weave the complexities of time travel around a relatively simple fetch quest. As per usual though, the character work is never not entertaining, and I do enjoy rereading this one periodically.

[shortace]

You know what I love about The Time Paradox? You spend half the book thinking that you know who the villain is, and then bam, 'This is not how she said it would go,' and suddenly you see it all in a different light.

[anna-undaunted]

“In another time” Holly said, and kissed him on the cheek.

[beautifulenemychild]

I’m rereading Artemis Fowl and I just got to the middle/end of time paradox and my heart is kinda breaking? Like, Holly and Artemis were so close. And then arty had to go and fuck it up by lying to her and making her feel so guilty. I didn’t even want them to be a couple just that level of closeness that they had, it was so, idk, harmonious? I’m currently very heartbroken for them and idk why haha. The kicker was Holly being sure that ‘the most she and Artemis could ever have now was what they’d always had- grudging respect’ fuck arty. Why did you have to do that? You idiot, you could have HAD A REAL, CLOSE, BEST FRIEND. ANOTHER PIECE OF YOU, FOWL. Idk idk, it’s just they were even brought closer by all of the time stream stuff and sharing a consciousness pool.

[acewithobsessions]

idk man something about Artemis causing himself intense physical pain, something he hasn't even considered before unless the alternative was literally death, just for the chance of healing his mother, idk man it just got to me ok

[little-mouse-adventures]

book 8 for butler is just: *feel claustrophobic underground* *get mad at artemis* *confront a bunch of angry and possessed wildlife* *get knocked unconscious* *feel claustrophobic underground, tunnel edition* *get mad at artemis* *confront a bunch of angry and possessed wildlife, insect edition* *get knocked unconscious* *get mad at artemis*

[agent-toast]

artemis alt outfit design idea? i mean he's not always wearing his armani suit :D

[troubled-bog-witch]

№1 is so op at least in the lost colony Colfer nerfed him by making him, like, 10 years old with no idea what's going on and the self preservation skills of a jelly donut. After that he was just like "for kicks I'm gonna solve the 2 biggest problems from the first book, which coincidentally are the 2 biggest nuisances to all fae everywhere. The ritual is redundant and the law about human dwellings is overturned forever. Thank you thank you I'm here all week. Anyone need any time travel? Bless." Why do the last 3 books exist can't their warlock just Fix The Thing

[barrybluejeansandbestjeanist]

If I had a nickel for every time there was a fictional cult that intentionally hunted animals to extinction and the main character had to infiltrate them and destroy them from the inside out, I would have two nickels.

[lisa-l0vely]

I DID NOT JUST HEAR NATHANIEL PARKER SAY THE PHRASE "BURLY POPEYE ARMS" I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT.

[brechtian]

(Mostly Signed!! YA + Sanderson) books I own and am extremely willing to sell for cheaper than average listings bc I don’t want them anymore. a lot are hardcovers (heads up most are signed but some include personalization with my name sorry. if ur name is Ella congrats tho). All are very very good quality or like new bc I was delicate with my books when I was younger (prices are for the lot of every book described in a listing and all are negotiable!)

Six of crows & crooked kingdom (1st/1st) both signed - $90 + shipping

Shadow & bone (hc) and siege & storm (pb) both signed and original covers - $75 + shipping

divergent books, all signed with inscriptions - $100 + shipping

mistborn second gen (wax and wayne), bands of mourning is a signed 1st/1st, alloy of law is a used 1st/1st, shadows of self is a used 1st/1st. $150 + shipping SOLD

Alloy of law 1st/1st former library copy - $45 + shipping

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson trilogy, firefight & calamity 1st eds hardcovers; steelheart just paperback. $35 + shipping SOLD

hardcover signed copies of first dragonsteel editions of legion and legion: skin deep by Sanderson, rare - $75 + shipping SOLD

Darkest minds trilogy + companion novel, first two books signed, all except first book hardcover - $80 + shipping

All of lunar chronicles and fairest signed; cress, winter, & fairest are hardcovers and 1st/1sts as well. Winter has an exclusive stamp. All include personalizations “To Ella” - $125 + shipping

heartless and renegades by meyer signed hardcover 1st/1sts with inscriptions - $50 + shipping

First five books & companion novel for throne of glass, all first ed hardbacks except the first one I believe. Queen of shadows is signed and has the empire of storms signature tour stamp, empire of storms is signed, and heir of fire has the empire of storms tour stamp. Lot is $500 + shipping, individual book prices vary. SOLD

First two acotar books with original covers, both hardbacks. Acotar is first printing. Acomaf is a special signed first edition/printing with a page insert declaring its special binding, first edition status, & signature. Together $250 + shipping SOLD

Literally the entire The Last Apprentice series by Joseph Delaney none are signed but I own all fucking thirteen and the companion book in original covers, mix of paperback & hardback - $100 + shipping

Grave mercy (paperback) & mortal heart (hardcover) both signed - $45 + shipping

The Entire selection trilogy & sequel trilogy all signed. Sequel trilogy are all hardbacks, original trilogy paperbacks. - $185 + shipping

Boys I loved before trilogy + summer I turned pretty, all signed except for always and forever Lara Jean. Mix of hardcover and paperback. - $100 + shipping

Anna and the French kiss trilogy, last two books are signed, all paperback and the colored cityscape covers - $50 + shipping

Everything everything by Nicola yoon signed paperback + sun is also a star signed hardcover - $95 + shipping

Unsigned lot of 5 rainbow Rowell books, four of which are hardbacks; carry on & landline are 1st/1sts - $95 + shipping

Ember in the ashes first three books by sabaa tahir, first two signed paperbacks; third one unsigned hardcover - $60 + shipping

Brandon Mull: signed hardcover holographic copy of the first beyonders book, all the fablehaven books (all paperback mix of new and old covers, but all are signed except book 5, and book 1 is double signed.), and signed hardcover first ed of dragonwatch - $110 + shipping

Not signed but I do own the entire Artemis fowl series minus the time paradox: $70 + shipping (mixed paper and hardback)

Daughter of smoke and bone trilogy by Laini Taylor all signed paperbacks in original covers - $125

Scythe & thunderhead, thunderhead is signed - $60 + shipping

Original pjo covers all paperback, the lightning thief and battle of the labyrinth are signed SOLD for $200

I also have pjo hardcover the ultimate guide with the holo cover and all of the trading cards like new and demigod diaries both 1st/1sts! - $60 + shipping

Heroes of Olympus series original covers, son of Neptune is signed. Last four books in the series are all hardcover 1st/1sts. - $125 + shipping SOLD

Pjo greek gods and Greek heroes hardcover. Heroes is signed by Rick and John Rocco, both first editions - $100 + shipping

Kane chronicle trilogy original covers, serpents shadow is 1st/1st hardcover, other 2 paperbacks - $40

Illuminae files trilogy first two books signed, all three books hardcover first editions - $200

Way of Kings signed hardback like new/unread - $100 + shipping

Hardcover signed copy of Oathbringer - $130 + shipping

Well of Ascension signed hardcover like new - $150 SOLD

Elantris signed no printing number - $150 SOLD

Warbreaker signed and inscribed w/ my name, former library copy - $95

Arcanum Unbounded signed hardcover first edition - $150 + shipping SOLD

Rhythm of War 1st/1st SOLD

Okay um there’s more but these r the main listings for now, see my reblog with the more comprehensive Sanderson listings if you are interested in his signed books (I have a lot!).

[jasonball34]

another rare AF promotional pamphlet

I posted a few months ago about how I'd acquired an uncommon Artemis Fowl promotional booklet containing some exclusive content. Well, here's another one!

This one is smaller (14 pages), and is really just a few activities for kids, but it's wrapped up in a really fun presentation: It's a Human Intelligence Agent passport! That's right, if you're carrying one of these bad boys, you are officially part of the LEP.

Here's the front and back covers. It was evidently produced in 2003 to promote Eternity Code. It's about 4.5x6 inches, and the cover really sort of feels like an official passport. It's thick cardstock, I believe. The pages inside are standard paper. Basically, the point of it is that kids can complete the activities inside to receive stamps, and when they've done them all, they are officially an agent. Idk if the event staff were stamping these things at whatever event in 2003 was passing them out or not, but that seems likely to me. I was a small child in 2003 and there wasn't much info alongside the item when I got it so who knows.

I might as well post all of the pages. I am especially amused by the wrong answers included on some of the multiple choice questions.

Something I find notable is that the gnommish letter Q is included here. It never appeared in an AF book until Time Paradox in 2008, so I had assumed that they hadn't bothered to make up a symbol for it until that time. But I guess not! They'd settled on what Q looked like at least as far back as 2003.