#as someone who grew up with a high functioning alcoholic

[trans-yllz]

this is not to say that wei wuxian doesn't very much have a drinking problem, but it's weird to me when people write/draw him getting Drunk. we see him get actually drunk exactly once, and to be fair, at that point he is exiled, coreless, just found out his beloved sister is getting married and he can't go to the wedding, and said what was essentially his last goodbye to the love of his life. I'd probably get drunk too

[accioharrington9]

we can't be friends (but i'd like to just pretend)

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

prompt: four times you spent a holiday with your best friend Steve Harrington and one time you didn't and missed him.

word count: 10.2k

warnings: friends-to-lovers, everyone can see it (including steve and reader but they're both kind of in denial), mutual pining, characters in their mid-twenties, fluff and (some) emotional angst, steve uses a cheesy nickname for reader, mentions of partying and alcohol consumption, some swearing, no use of y/n

notes: hi all, this is the first reader fic that i publish here, so bear with me, i tried my best <3 in light of the year-end celebrations, this fun little idea of a fic came to me and i decided to give it a shot, so i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it <3

🥂🥂🥂

“What are your resolutions for the new year?”

You looked up from your glass of champagne when Steve asked you that question out of the blue. You were both leaning against the kitchen island at Nancy and Jonathan’s apartment, distractedly observing your friends playing a drinking game you had both stepped out of.  You were glad to allow your friends their fun, but mostly, to have a reason to get some alone time, just the two of you. A silent agreement, as always.

“You know I don’t believe in resolutions,” you answered before bringing a flute smudged by your red lipstick to your lips.

“Oh, come on, kitten, humor me for a second.”

You raised an eyebrow at him while he waited for your response with a cheeky smile. You heard Robin burst into laughter from the living room, but you were too focused on Steve’s loose strand of hair and the woody scent of his new cologne to acknowledge it.

“Fine,” you obliged him. “Well, I resolve to quit drinking coffee, exercise more, and buy a new and well-functioning car.”

“You’re full of shit,” Steve laughed. “Like you’re ever going to get rid of Gina.”

“Of course I’m not getting rid of Gina, she’s my ride-or-die,” you said, referring to your personified old car.

“Yeah, emphasis on ‘die’ – you're missing a rearview mirror in there.”

You nudged him playfully, briefly losing your balance but Steve helped steady you immediately, putting a hand on your hips that hovered there longer than necessary. You chuckled for good measure but couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your face.

Everyone knew you and Steve had a thing for each other. It had been that way since high school – lingering looks in the hallway between classes, overly tactile during a mundane conversation, pretending to forget something at the other’s house to have a reason to go there again… Everyone knew it, was used to it, and never mentioned anything about it – you and Steve included.

Nothing had ever happened because the timing was always off. If it wasn’t Steve who was dating someone, you were; then you moved away to go to college, and when you came back to Hawkins after graduating, Steve had just left for an internship in New York. Eventually, you grew tired of the never-ending “what-ifs” and made your peace knowing that Steve Harrington would always be more than just a friend but less than a lover. A fine line you both tiptoed in and out of too much over the past eight years.

“What about you?” you eventually asked Steve. “You’re corny as shit, you must have a lot of them resolutions in mind.”

“I only thought of a couple, and they’re not that corny.”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

Steve laughed again, running a hand through his hair as he reflected on what he’d say. You admired him while he did so. It was frustrating, still having that teenage crush on your longtime friend, not being able to let it go, not entirely at least. You sometimes wished you could be his friend the way Robin was to him, or Eddie was to you. It would make it all so much easier, so much less painful than this in two minds you were both stuck in, this blatant desire for more, this fear that it could all be ruined in seconds, poor decisions fragmenting the illusion of a blissful friendship.

“I thought about learning how to play the guitar.”

“Cliché,” you teased. “What else?”

You could see the turn the conversation had taken when Steve hesitated before talking – looked nervous, even.

“Moving out. Getting my own place.”

You stared at Steve, quiet. You couldn’t say you were surprised – he’d been roommates with Eddie since they both enrolled in community college a few years ago. Even after graduating and getting a job, they stayed that way, because it was simple; splitting the bills, having someone to talk to after a lonely day. But it could only work for so long. It was only a matter of time until one or the other got bored and needed a change of scenery. To you, it was no surprise Steve had that revelation first.

“You sound serious,” was the only comment you could express.

“Because I am,” Steve said. “I started looking at one-bedroom apartments to rent in the neighborhood.”

“Does Eddie know?” you asked.

Steve pursed his lips as he shook his head from left to right. You hummed and couldn’t help but look at the young man in question, with his curly hair tied back in a bun and his poor imitation of some football player his team had to guess the name of. You loved this friend group – you loved the dynamic, the hijinks, and the stability. You loved hanging out with Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan at Eddie and Steve's apartment. You loved everything about it and the thought of losing your bearings, of disrupting your habits, made you too sad for the 31st of December, five minutes away from another midnight of confetti, embraces, and promises.

“You’re the first person I told,” Steve eventually said, breaking the silence that had settled between you two. “I thought you could share some of that wisdom you have to advise me.”

You snorted, lazily knocking your shoulder against his arm. “You buttering up to me, Harrington?”

“Only if it’s working.”

You got lost in his beautiful brown eyes, aware of the subtlest things, like his pinky finger brushing your hand timidly, the mint toothpaste on his breath, or how perfectly he wore the sweater you gifted him. It felt so right, standing close to him and toying with the possibility of the unknown. It always did with Steve.

“Okay guys, it’s officially one minute away from midnight, gather ‘round!!” Nancy exclaimed, clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention.

Reluctantly, you left the little bubble of peace and happiness you had created in the kitchen, Steve following closely behind. As you started counting down from ten, surrounded by all your closest and dearest friends, you only had eyes for Steve.

It had become a habit since you first celebrated New Year’s Eve with him years ago – you couldn’t help but wonder if he’d kiss you at midnight. It was a fantasy you’d entertained ever since you were eighteen, the final and first thought of each year that passed without ever becoming real. Each year, naively, you thought it’d be different. But each year, it was the same old song all over again.

As the clock struck midnight and cheers erupted among the friend group, you hugged everyone. You saved the best ‘til last, heart beating frantically as Steve wrapped his arms around you. You buried your face in his neck, getting drunk on his cologne – pathetic, disillusioned.

“Happy New Year, kitten,” Steve whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek – soft, tender, and terribly platonic, as usual.

“Happy New Year, Harrington,” you kissed his cheek in return, the trace of your lipstick leaving a mark on his skin like a temporary tattoo.

And you were too busy thinking about the undone to notice that this year, Steve held you in his arms a little longer than usual.

🌹🌹🌹

“Bro-lentine’s Day?”

“Is that one of those boys band they keep talking about on the radio?"

You held back a laugh at Steve’s question and Eddie’s comment regarding the odd suggestion Robin had just made. The four of you were waiting in line at a Wendy's drive-thru in Steve’s car, the crescent moon shining its feeble light in the night sky above.

“Why would you even think about spending Valentine’s Day with your loser single friends when you have a beautiful girlfriend you could shower with gifts?” Eddie asked, to which Steve, behind the wheel, concurred immediately.

“I mean, I obviously love you guys, but I mostly suggest that because Vickie’s working a night shift on the 14th and I figured it’d be nice to hang out together, the four of us, instead of just… I don’t know, being alone?” Robin admitted.

“Oh, so we’re your stand-ins?” Eddie exclaimed, feigning offense under your amused attention. “Classy, Buckley.”

“That sounds a hell of a lot like a pity party, Rob,” Steve pointed out.

You laughed along as Robin kept putting her foot in her mouth. It was often like that – Robin and Eddie gently bickering in the back seats while you exchanged knowing looks with Steve, in your designated seat at the front of the car.

The only difference was this time, when Steve searched for your eyes to have a silent laugh with you, you avoided his gaze, pretending to look in the distance, thinking about something you needed to say to him but couldn’t find the courage to.

“Okay, fine,” Eddie eventually yielded. “Let’s do this thing. But I have one condition – we go to Steve’s new apartment.”

“Excellent idea!” Robin exclaimed, enthusiastic.

“I told you guys, I’m not done unboxing my stuff, the place is a mess,” Steve argued as he started the ignition to move forward.

Robin rolled her eyes. “You say that like you have a thousand boxes.”

“It's his plethora of hair products - they take up a lot of room,” Eddie teased, which made Robin snort.

“You’re both hilarious, seriously, I can’t stop laughing,” Steve said with a straight face.

“So, it’s a deal,” Eddie said. “Bro-lentine’s Day at Steve’s new place – no, I’m sorry Rob, you’ll have to find another name, I hate how it sounds when it comes out of my mouth.”

“What do you think, babes?”

You only focused back on the conversation when Robin called your name, looking away from the constellations in the sky.

“Hmm? Oh, I’m sorry babes but count me out of this one,” you said with a sorry smile.

Robin laughed, thinking you were probably messing with her. Steve was driving slowly now that the line ahead finally seemed to clear.

“Right, because you have something better to do on Valentine’s Day, of course,” Robin joked while Eddie chuckled.

You tried not to take offense because you knew it was some innocent banter, but it didn’t stop you from frowning.

“Actually, yes, I do,” you contradicted. “I have a date that day.”

The car braked abruptly, causing a blast of horns from the vehicle behind and surprised yelps from the back seats.

“What the fuck, Harrington??” Eddie ranted. “That’s why I keep telling you you’re a shit driver, seriously, how did you manage to get your license, man?"

“Sorry, I got… distracted for a sec’,” Steve apologized.

You couldn’t bear to look Steve in the eye, so you toyed with the bracelets around your wrists and stared at your shoes, waiting for your friends’ reaction to the news.

“Is it someone we know?” Robin asked bluntly. “It’s the cute guy from the music shop at the mall, isn’t it? I knew he had a crush on you, you’re the only one who got Like a Prayer for half price.”

“It was… actually a twenty-percent discount,” you corrected, even though none of your friends cared about that information.

“Who even asks someone out on Valentine’s Day?” Eddie asked himself out loud. “We have three hundred and sixty-five days a year, why choose this nightmare of a commercialized day deliberately?”

“I think it’s cute,” Robin shrugged.

You attempted a smile, but it was nowhere near convincing. Robin and Eddie weren’t even paying attention to you anymore, discussing with each other the pros and cons of a first date on the 14th of February. You gathered the courage to look at Steve, decipher his expression. He might’ve been trying to get your attention a moment ago, but now, he was just staring in front of him, both hands firmly holding the lower part of the wheel.

“So, you’re really going to abandon me with these two idiots, huh?”

Your laugh at Steve’s rhetorical question was a mix of amusement and relief. If there was one thing that meant more than anything to you, it was the harmony between you two. You knew that as soon as you or Steve dated someone, that harmony was threatened. It had happened before. It was a fatality.

“You’ll be just fine,” you assured softly. “It’s just one night.”

Steve chuckled, finally making it to the pickup window. “Yeah, you’re right. Just one night. Easy-peasy.”

At that moment, you couldn’t have imagined that on the 14th of February, you’d find yourself knocking on Steve’s door at ten in the evening, makeup ruined by your disappointed tears, holding tight to your coat and shame in the cold evening air.

When Steve opened the door and saw you standing before him, he blinked at the unexpected sight of you sniffing and shivering.

“What are you doing here, kitten? Is everything okay?”

As soon as you heard Steve’s voice and the concern he displayed, it was out of your control – another tear rolled down your cheek.

“Oh no. Come here.”

You didn’t need to be asked twice- when Steve opened his arms at you, you dived in, letting him hug you tight, accepting his warmth and empathy.

“Dude stood you up?” Steve asked, voice muffled as his face was buried in your hair.

“Worse,” you said. “He was there.”

Steve huffed, because it could’ve been a funny anecdote if not for the dried mascara that ran under your eyes.

“So, we’re not going to the music shop again, huh?”

“I never said it was the guy from the music shop,” you pointed out.

“You never denied it either.”

You snorted and you felt Steve smile against your head. He was the first to part from your embrace, but you were under the impression he could’ve stayed like that much longer.

“What’s taking so long, dingus?” Robin shouted from the living room. “You need help with the pizzas?”

“It’s not the pizzas,” Steve retorted as you stepped inside the apartment.

Both Robin and Eddie turned around on the couch and looked equally surprised to see you there.

“Is it okay if I crash Bro-lentine’s Day?” you asked sheepishly.

“We’re not calling it that!” Eddie said in a singsong.

“You’re more than welcome to crash Bro-lentine’s Day, babes,” Robin told you while wrapping her arm around your shoulders as you sat next to her.

“I give up,” Eddie sighed before heading for the kitchen.

“What did the loser do to get you like that?” Robin inquired, touching your face where the tears had dried.

“Honestly, he wasn’t even that bad,” you explained. “He just… wasn’t what I expected. I guess I’m tired of getting my hopes up and ending up disappointed every time.” You paused, reflecting on that state of mind. “It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not stupid,” Robin contradicted with a sympathetic smile. “It’s Valentine’s Day, anyone would’ve expected a perfect date.”

“Hence why you don’t date on that doomed day.”

“Can’t you just let it go already, Eddie??”

You smiled softly at your friends’ innocent quarrel, and you realized in the end, there were no other people you’d rather spend the day of love and romance with.

So, you settled comfortably on the couch in Steve’s new apartment, surrounded by dozens of wrapped boxes and your closest friends with a glass of wine and a cheesy movie to watch, sharing the details of your date with them.

“Well, his loss, darling, not yours,” Eddie said in conclusion to your story.

“Definitely,” Robin nodded.

You smiled lightly and you thought maybe, just maybe, they were right.

“Why are you smiling like that, Harrington?” Eddie then asked.

“Hmm? Oh, no reason,” Steve answered casually before finding a tiny spot between you and Robin on the couch.

🎉🎉🎉

There was nothing more frustrating than being late to meet your friends and having your car’s engine make that hideous sputtering sound as you kept putting the key in the ignition without it ever starting.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” you echoed in sync with the car’s noises.

“I see Gina’s being cranky today.”

You glared at Steve, sitting in the passenger seat and enjoying himself a little too much.

“It’s too hot outside, she doesn’t like it when it’s too hot,” you explained to yourself more than Steve.

“It’s the 4th of July, kitten. It’s always hot on the 4th of July.”

“Thank you so much for this enlightening forecast, Harrington, have you ever considered a career in meteorology?”

You bit your lip when you realized how harsh your comeback had sounded. You slowly turned your head to lay regretful eyes on your friend.

“Sorry,” you winced.

“You’re good. I think I know why Gina’s cranky today – she takes from her owner.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t bother denying it.

The sun was starting to set in a sky adorned with pink and orange hues only summer could take credit for. The air was hot, crickets chirping and bees buzzing while the whole town was already busying itself in preparation for the incoming festivities.

For the past six years, on Independence Day, you’ve met all your friends by the lake on the outskirts of Hawkins to have a barbecue with beers and watch the fireworks. It was a tradition you all honored religiously each Fourth of July.

Except this year, Robin was celebrating with Vickie’s family, Eddie was working at the music camp, which meant you were spending the evening with Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve, a group hangout that looked an awful lot like a double date, and it worked yourself up into quite a state.

“Did you get the Buds?” you asked Steve as the ignition still wouldn’t start.

“Packs in the trunk,” Steve answered straight off.

“And the blankets?”

“In the backseat.”

“The radio for the music?”

“Nance’s taking care of it.”

You fell back in your seat after failing one too many times to start the car and just closed your eyes, sighing heavily. You wiped your hands on your shorts, the summer heat getting the best of you, chest heaving and patience hanging by a thread.

“We can take my car tonight, maybe Gina needs the rest,” Steve suggested. It irritated you even more.

“We always take your car, tonight’s the one night a year we take mine,” you argued, putting the keys in the ignition again.

“We’ll take yours another time, then, it’s no big deal.”

“No,” you just said.

Without a heads-up, you got out of the vehicle. Steve followed you as you opened the hood to check the engine. You were rough in your endeavor, hair falling out on your face and hands quickly stained with oil.

“Why are you being so stubborn today?” Steve asked you, tone cutting sharp like a knife.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are! You can tell as much as I can your car’s not going anywhere tonight, mine’s parked right behind and ready to go, so why are we losing time for nothing?”

“She’s just being picky right now but I’m getting there. She needs a little boost and she’s good to go,” you insisted, wiping the back of your hand on your forehead before realizing it’d smudge the oil.

“Yeah, sure, at this rate, she’ll be good to go for Thanksgiving,” Steve said ironically.

You shut the hood close abruptly, shooting daggers at Steve as he stood in front of you with his arms crossed. He looked just as irritated as you did.

“You’re being an asshole,” you stated matter-of-factly.

Steve snickered, eyebrows raising like he couldn’t believe what he just heard.

“Oh, I’m the asshole in this situation? You’re a fine one to talk!”

“Are you seriously turning the tables on me right now?!”

“I’m not, you’re clearly in a mood today and you’re taking it out on me! Last I heard, I’m not a punching bag!”

Your face twisted into a scowl because Steve annoyed you a great deal, but mostly because he was right. You were far from being good company today, and today was meant to be fun, chill, eventful. You could blame it all on Gina, but you knew that was just the tip of the iceberg.

“I’m just saying I’m going to get the car started just fine, all I need is a few minutes to figure it out. And we’re already late anyway, they won’t hate us for the extra ten minutes,” you said as you opened the hood again.

“This is not about the car and we both know it,” Steve stated, sure of himself. Of course, he was – he knew you like the back of his hand.

You closed the hood as soon as you opened it, walking closer to Steve to face him properly.

“Maybe you should take it easy if you want her to work, you know,” Steve remarked.

“Why don’t you just say what’s on my mind, Steve? Since you apparently know it better than I do,” you hit him with your words.

“But that’s just the thing! I don’t!” Steve exclaimed, his voice raising an octave. “I don’t know what’s going on with you right now and you won’t tell me a goddamn thing!”

“You already know what’s going on with me, I made it perfectly clear – I want my fucking car to start so we can go and meet our friends, as we do every year!”

“And I made it perfectly clear that we can take my car, so why are we still arguing about this??”

“Because it’s the way things are supposed to be!!”

The silence that followed that revelation felt intrusive. You couldn’t wait for Steve to tell you off, to argue with you some more, but instead, he didn’t say another word and just stared at you, dumbfounded. It allowed you to reflect on your behavior of the past ten minutes and you immediately dropped your eyes to look at your shoes, ashamed.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked you then, voice softer.

You sighed and looked in the distance, avoiding his gaze.

“It’s the tradition. On the 4th of July, you come to my place to help me pack everything, we take my car to pick up Eddie and Robin on the way to the lake, we meet Nance and Jonathan there, then, you and Eddie set the barbecue while Jonathan and I take care of the music, and Nance and Robin lay the blankets to make us cozy. And we eat and drink until they shoot the fireworks from downtown – it’s how the day is supposed to go.”

“Right, and it’s how it’s going to go today,” Steve assured, confused.

“No, it’s not. Rob and Eddie are not there this year, and because of Gina, we’re late and missing out on the sunset.” You paused, taking a breath. “It’s what I look forward to the most. Watching the sunset on the lake with you guys. All of you.”

Steve relaxed his shoulders and breathed out like he finally made sense of the underlying problem. He stepped closer to you and his hand cupped your face, willing you to look him in the eyes.

“Okay, I’m going to take a wild guess and assume it has something to do with Nancy and Jonathan talking about moving to Chicago next year for Nancy’s job,” Steve said. “Am I boiling or getting colder?”

The rhetorical question elicited a weak smile on your lips.

“I know Chicago’s not that far from Hawkins, but… I like the way things are right now, you know?” you explained while Steve listened, nodding. “I like that we can hang out whenever we want to, show up unannounced at each other’s place, and whatnot.”

“You can still do that if they move to Chicago. It’ll just take you more than three hours to get there,” he teased you.

Steve did it – he made you laugh. “I’m not so sure Gina would survive the trip.”

“I’ll let you borrow my car, then,” Steve whispered, and even though you were bantering, it sounded like a promise.

You chuckled, the knot in your stomach coming undone as Steve put his thumb to your forehead, stroking where you had wiped the oil stain earlier.

“You look like shit,” he told you unceremoniously.

“And you’re a shitty friend,” you bit back, making you both smile.

Friend. The denomination never felt strong enough to define what you and Steve meant to one another. Yet, it was the only one you used, the only one that brought you comfort, especially in those blurry moments that kept you wondering why that boy had always been so sweet and kind to you, even when you felt undeserving.

You jumped at the sound of a car honking from the street, bringing you back to reality as you and Steve turned your heads to see what happened. You felt amused, and somehow relieved when you saw Nancy popping her head out the passenger window of Jonathan’s car like a beautifully staged interruption.

“Oh my God, you guys are late too?” Nancy shouted at them. “I told Jonathan to go over the speed limit, and as you can imagine, he was not happy about it.”

Steve laughed, and you followed suit because it was almost ridiculous, how perfect the situation had turned out. Sure, things felt different this year, with winds of change impending, and the future of your friend group unclear. But at least, you were all on the same page.

“While we’re here, get in the car with us!” Nancy offered, gesturing for you to come closer. “Maybe we can still catch the sunset.”

You exchanged an amused look with Steve, silently agreeing that your uncooperative car and your latest conversation would remain a secret you’d share only between you. Your friends didn’t need to know the reason why you were late.

So, you and Steve hurried to put everything in Jonathan’s car, climbed in the backseat, and made it to the lake just in time to admire the remnant of sunset and put everything into place to wait for the fireworks.

And as you put a blanket over your and Nancy’s shoulders, the fire crackling in the quiet of the evening around you, you couldn’t help but search for Steve’s eyes. He was already looking at you, sitting across the fire next to Jonathan. You smiled when you realized, and he winked at you, playful, secretive.

Maybe you were lying to yourself, in the end. Maybe you didn’t mean it when you said you liked things the way they were. Maybe there was one thing you wouldn’t mind changing, you thought as you looked away from Steve to look up at the fireworks now erupting in the sky above.

🎃🎃🎃

“I’m not sure I get it, Robin – who are you dressed as?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question, Nance? Marty McFly? Don’t tell me you still haven’t watched Back to the Future!”

“I didn’t have time.”

“In five years, you didn’t have time to watch a two-hour movie?”

“I work a lot, okay?!”

You were only half-listening to Robin and Nancy’s bickering as you finished getting ready for the Halloween party that your high school classmate Tina and her best friend Vicki Carmichael threw every year.

Usually, on the 31st of October, you would just crash at Steve and Eddie’s former apartment with the group, stuffing your face with popcorn and watching horror movies. But this year, the boys didn’t live at that apartment anymore and it was the last Halloween you’d all spend together in Hawkins before Jonathan and Nancy moved to Chicago next January. You all agreed it called for a memorable celebration, hence why you were now getting ready with the girls at your place.

“So, you mean to tell me you haven’t had time to watch Back to the Future, but you had it to watch all three Star Wars movies, judging on your costume?” Robin asked while Nancy grunted in frustration.

“I told you last week, me and Jonathan are wearing couple’s costumes – he’s Han Solo and I’m Princess Leia, obviously,” she explained while pointing at her long white dress and peculiar hairstyle.

“Couple’s costumes,” Robin repeated. “Kids these days, they’re just talking nonsense.”

“It’s romantic and fun, you’re just jealous you didn’t think about it for you and Vickie,” Nancy retorted as you were starting to think you were in the middle of playground taunts.

“Oh yeah, I should’ve asked Vickie to dress as Doc, it would’ve been crazy romantic,” Robin sassed.

Once the heels were at your feet, you turned around on your chair to stare at your friends.

“You two realize how stupid your fight is, right?” you chipped in.

“We’re not fighting,” Robin and Nancy said in unison.

You rolled your eyes and turned back around to face your vanity and finish your makeup, but it was too late – you had involuntarily drawn the attention to you.

“And who are you dressing as, hot stuff?” Nancy cooed while smirking at your reflection in the mirror.

You hummed the Dirty Dancing theme song to answer her question, and she nodded approvingly, taking in your pink dress and silver heels.

“I love it,” Nancy smiled.

“Thanks,” you said as you stood up. “And you two look equally great, so stop biting each other’s heads off.”

“So, if you’re Jennifer Grey, does it mean Steve’s dressing as Patrick Swayze? I could see him pulling that off.”

Robin’s question took you aback for it came out of nowhere. You gaped at her, face warm and thoughts racing.

“Hmm, no, he’s not. That’d… be a great couple’s costume, for sure. But we’re not a couple, so…” you stammered, awfully self-conscious.

“Well, yeah, but you might as well be.”

“Robin,” Nancy reprimanded her with warning eyes.

“What??” Robin exclaimed while you watched, confused. “It’s not like she doesn’t know what I mean, it’s been going on for years, this… whatever this is. And honestly, we’re all tired of pretending like we can’t see it.”

Nancy blushed, embarrassment written all over her face as she rubbed a hand over it.

“I don’t… understand,” you admitted, tugging at the hems of your dress to anchor yourself in the moment.

“There’s nothing to understand, babes,” Nancy said softly. “Robin was just joking. Right, Rob?”

Nancy was now glaring at Robin, who had no option but to concur. It felt like you were missing something there, and you didn’t like it. Were your friends talking behind your back? Were they annoyed at your relationship with Steve? Annoyed at the ambiguity, the unsaid, the attraction? Was it all that obvious as of late?

“I’m sorry, guys,” Robin said with a sigh. “I had a fight with Vickie earlier today and it messed me up a little bit.”

“Oh, babes,” Nancy softened, hugging Robin from the side.

“I know that’s no excuse for being a jerk,” Robin winced in your direction.

“You’re all right,” you said with a sympathetic smile, and both Robin and Nancy seemed relieved.

The three of you talked Robin through her problem until it was time to meet the guys outside. Nancy was the first to exit the apartment, but Robin lingered by the front door, hand hovering hesitantly above the handle. Eventually, she made up her mind and turned over to face you.

“I just want you to know that I’m really sorry for earlier,” Robin told you.

“It’s okay, Rob, I get it. You were upset about your fight with Vickie and said stuff you didn’t mean. It’s fine, it happens to all of us,” you said, wondering why Robin had felt the need to bounce back on that.

“No, but see, that’s the thing – I did mean it,” she contradicted. “I just didn’t say it like I should’ve.”

“And how should you say it?” you asked with a frown.

Robin looked uncertain now, fidgeting where she stood. You imagined that if Nancy were still in the room with you two, she’d probably give Robin an earful.

“When I said that we’re all tired of pretending like we can’t see what there is between you and Steve, I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” she elaborated under your undivided attention. “It’s just… We’re your friends, and you know, as friends, we want what’s best for each other, I’m sure you feel that way about us too –“

“Robin, cut to the chase, please,” you interjected before she could lose herself in her explanation.

“We just think if you two admitted what you’re both obviously feeling for each other… You could be very happy together. And the rest of us would be too because damn, we’ve watched it happen since high school and it’s about time one of you does something about it, babes.”

You stared at the door behind Robin, wishing to run away from this conversation that was too much for you to handle. It was the first time one of your friends confronted you on the matter, upfront, and you had no idea how to react.

“I’m not expecting you to say anything, don’t worry,” Robin added. “I just wanted you to know what everyone else is thinking. Do what you want with that information.”

You opened your mouth to respond but you heard the distinctive sound of Eddie’s van parking on the street, your sign that it was time to go and end this conversation for good. You rushed to the door, opening it before Robin could and hurtling down the stairs to some extent on your heels. Once you were outside, you breathed in slowly, calming down and processing what one of your best friends had just confided to you.

You and Robin met Nancy on the curb as Eddie slid the van’s side door open to let you in the backseats.

“Evening, ladies,” Eddie greeted.

“Wow, you’re Elton!” Nancy exclaimed after studying Eddie’s costume, a white ensemble with feathers and glitter that was the singer’s signature.

“You could get that but not mine?!” Robin exclaimed, almost offended.

“Move on, Rob, and let’s have fun tonight,” Nancy teased her while sitting near Jonathan, dressed in the easily identifiable Han Solo outfit.

Robin took the passenger seat next to Eddie, leaving you with no choice but to sit next to Steve at the back of the van. Of course. Almost like it had been on purpose, you thought to yourself.

You settled next to him and you were almost insecure, something you’d never felt around him. You resented Robin for not knowing best, and not keeping her mouth shut.

“Hey, kitten,” Steve welcomed you as you smoothed the edges of your dress.

“Hey, Harrington,” you said in return, attempting to smile at him.

You studied his costume as he studied yours. Aviator sunglasses on his head, green jumpsuit, sleeves rolled back under his elbows – Maverick from Top Gun. You'd gushed over the character when the movie came out, and you wondered if it happened to be a funny coincidence or if Steve had picked that costume on purpose.

“Baby,” Steve suddenly said.

“What?” you choked out with widened eyes.

Steve frowned. “Your costume,” he clarified. “Baby from Dirty Dancing, right?”

You processed the information and chuckled awkwardly, feeling stupid. You let Robin get in your head and you hated it.

“Right,” you breathed out as Eddie drove away.

Something passed in Steve’s eyes, and you were not sure what it was. Hesitation, desire, resignation… You watched and waited, fingers laced on your lap, heartbeat echoing in your ears.

“You look… very nice,” Steve told you in a hushed voice.

You knew neither Nancy nor Jonathan could’ve heard it – they were engaged in a vivid conversation with Robin and Eddie in the front of the car. It was an intimate declaration, meant for you and you only.

Your lips parted subtly, but Steve’s eyes caught it regardless. It did not soothe the rate of your beating heart.

“Thanks,” you croaked it, throat tight. “You’re not too bad yourself."

Steve smiled briefly, then did the strangest thing. He leaned in, his face awfully close to yours, and you thought; this was it. He was going to kiss you. Right then, right there, in the back of Eddie’s van dressed as the guy from Top Gun on the way to a Halloween party.

And as much as you wanted him to kiss you, it wasn’t how you wanted him to do it. Not the place, not the time. Maybe Steve realized it too because he moved away as quickly as he had gotten closer to you, clearing his throat and watching out the window like nothing happened.

The party at Tina’s villa was loud, messy, and packed with former classmates – some you were glad to run into, others you made a strong case of avoiding. You had a nice chat with your high school sweetheart, even though you could feel Steve’s eyes on you the whole time. When you couldn’t bear the weight of his yearning gaze, you took a sip of that rum punch Vicki Carmichael had made – a few times.

You fled to the bathroom around eleven to freshen up and have some alone time. You were reasonably drunk, but still conscious enough to notice someone was already in the room when you barged into it.

“Oh, so sorry, I didn’t know someone was in there –”

You cut the apology short when you recognized the person’s reflection staring at you in the mirror.

“Becky, hi,” you said, surprised.

The girl greeted you back, the sound of your name imperceptible amid the party people shouting in the hallway. Now, you were reasonably drunk and very uncomfortable.

Becky was the last girl Steve had dated. They had been together for two years and seemed happy until Becky broke up with Steve overnight. Everyone assumed she’d probably met someone else, but you always felt like that was too simple and there was another more plausible explanation.

“You okay?” Becky asked you.

“Y – yeah, I just needed to cool off,” you mumbled.

You assumed Becky would urge you to clear off and leave her be, but instead, she stepped aside to give you some space in front of the sink.

You closed the door behind you and stood in front of the mirror, silently watching Becky perfect the mascara on her lashes. You quickly gathered she was dressed as Madonna in the Material Girl music video.

“It’s… been a while,” you said to break that awful silence. “What are you up to these days?”

“Small talk, huh? I thought we were way past that.”

You chuckled, ill at ease and too drunk to have a proper conversation. Out of all the girls Steve had dated, Becky was the one who unsettled you the most. You never knew what to expect of her.

“How’s Stevie?” Becky then asked before reapplying some lipstick.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was Becky's inquiry, but something turned your stomach. You always hated it when she called Steve that name. It reminded you of a jealous version of yourself you’d rather leave in the past.

“He’s good,” you said casually, no matter your inner turmoil. “You know. Same old, same old.”

Becky’s lips turned into the semblance of a smile.

“I take it you two still aren’t together.”

You felt your heart drop at that comment. What did she mean, “still”? And what was up with everyone and their insights regarding your relationship with Steve?

“It sounded a lot less petty in my head, I promise,” Becky said when you stayed silent.

“It’s not that,” you replied. “I’m just… surprised you would say that.”

Becky sighed and turned around to face you. It looked like she was about to get a lot of things off her chest, and you were not sober enough for that.

“You know why I broke up with Steve?” Becky asked you, and she obviously wasn’t waiting for an answer. “Why all the girls he dates eventually break things off with him?”

You blinked. You didn’t want Steve’s ex-girlfriend to share that information with you. You had absolutely no desire to detain such knowledge. Yet, you shook your head, permitting Becky to say what she really thought, too curious to pretend you didn’t care.

“Because it’s painfully obvious he’s in love with you and we’re just here passing time until he finally has the balls to tell you.”

In love. You had thought about it all with Steve – he thinks I’m pretty; he’s attracted to me; he likes me more than a friend. But never in your wildest dreams had you dared fantasize about these powerful little words.

He’s in love with you, Becky’s voice repeated like a broken record on a loop in your mind. Taunting, hopeful, too good to be true.

You found yourself sitting on the bathtub’s edge, both arms at your side, speechless. Becky leaned against the wall across from you and chuckled like she'd just shared the funniest story.

“Don’t tell me this is shocking news.”

“I…” you started without finishing your thought. You were at a loss for words and your head started spinning, the fateful sentence seeping into your mind faster than the liquor in your system.

“Look, obviously, it wasn’t my place to tell, but you know, despite everything, I always liked you,” Becky confessed. “You were always nice to me, even though I could tell it was not easy for you.”

You lowered your eyes, apologetic. It was true – you had always been nice to Becky. After all, it wasn’t the girl’s fault if you had feelings you’d never dare confess to your best friend.

“That’s why I’m telling you,” Becky resumed. “I’m trying to help you two out. This whole faint-hearted act was probably cute when you were sixteen, but you’re adults now. Are you waiting for him to get married and start a family with someone else to tell him how you feel?”

The mere thought made your heart ache. You didn’t want to picture Steve married to someone else. It made you nauseous.

“Sorry, that was harsh,” Becky apologized.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked her in a whisper, feeling like your head was about to explode. “Why are you telling this to me and not him?”

Becky stared at you like you’d just said the most nonsensical thing.

“Because he’s an idiot and a coward. If you’re waiting for him to make a move, you’ll wait a long time, honey.”

You spaced out for a moment, and when you returned to your senses, Becky was gone, leaving you alone with your spiraling thoughts in that bathroom.

Becky was right. Steve was an idiot and a coward. The inebriation clouded all your good judgments, so you got to your feet and walked out of the bathroom to look for Steve. After everything that happened tonight, you were confused, upset, and even angry.

You found him outside by the pool, joking around with some guys from his old swim team in high school. You marched to him, bold and determined, and he didn’t notice you right away, so you hooked your fingers to the fabric around his arm and dragged him behind you. You ignored the guys whistling at you both or Steve protesting and asking what had gotten into you until you walked into an empty room on the side of the villa and closed the patio door behind you.

“Okay, what the hell was that about??” Steve exclaimed, his voice loud in the quiet of the room, away from the party noises and the music. “Have you lost your shit??”

“You’re an idiot,” you told him in an accusing tone.

“Tell me about it,” Steve sassed you.

“And a coward!”

“Oh, so you have a whole list, huh?”

“That’s what Becky said.”

Steve looked at you in silence, processing what you just said.

“Of course, you talked to Becky….” he sighed. “Let me guess – she said I stole her INXS tape? She needs to let it go, she clearly lost it, she can’t keep blaming me for –“

“I don’t want you to get married, Steve,” you interrupted him, blurting out what you had been obsessing about for the last ten minutes.

Steve froze and looked at you like you were insane. And you might just be, you realized. You took a step back, dizzy and embarrassed.

“I… was not planning on getting married any time soon. Where is that coming from?” Steve asked you, stepping toward you.

You bit your tongue, holding from saying another stupidity you’d immediately regret. Suddenly, your choice to confront Steve and isolate yourselves in a bedroom didn’t look like the brilliant plan it seemed to be five minutes ago.

“Forget it, I’m drunk, and I don’t know what I’m saying,” you stammered, head low as you walked toward the door.

“Hey,” Steve brought you short by taking your hand before you had the chance to leave. His touch was tender, your hand fit perfectly in his, and you understood what Becky meant when she said "still not together".

“Talk to me,” Steve urged, lacing his fingers with yours. It was unbearable, how natural it felt. “You used to tell me everything, and now, I have no idea what’s up with you anymore.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, wishing you could go back in time and stop yourself from putting the two of you in this awful situation.

“Come on, kitten, we’re friends, you can tell me anything.”

Friends. You loathed the word that normally comforted you. You couldn’t stand to hear it.

He’s in love with you. How could he say you were friends when he was the one you called first when your car broke down, when he’d snuck out of college to comfort you after you got dumped by your ex-boyfriend, when he drove you across the country to see your sick grandfather for the last time? How did he have the audacity to minimize what you meant to each other after taking such a significant place in your heart for years and years?

“We’re not friends,” you mumbled.

You looked at him and thought you could see heartbreak in his eyes. You’d hurt him. You’d hurt him badly.

“We’re not?” he asked, his voice breaking in the inflection.

You held your breath as Steve questioned you with glistening eyes. He didn’t understand what you were trying to tell him, and it was killing you.

“You know what I mean,” you breathed out, unable to say the actual words.

He’s in love with you. It was so simple. Why couldn’t he just admit it?

You’re in love with him too, why can’t you say it?  you admitted to yourself.

Because no, it wasn’t that simple. Steve wasn’t the only coward in this situation. After all these years, it was so scary to admit, even more to say out loud. How could you expect him to say it when you were terrified of doing it yourself?

Eventually, Steve let go of your hand, an almost insignificant gesture that shattered your heart into a million pieces.

“Actually… No. I don’t know what you mean,” he said, defeated, before leaving the room.

You did it. You ruined everything, you thought as you sat on the floor and cried your heartbreak away.

🎁🎁🎁

It was supposed to be the merriest day of the year, with children's laughter filling the air and countless presents to unwrap. Yet, your heart was not in it, and you had to hold back tears during dinner that night at your parents’ house.

You hadn’t talked to or heard from Steve in almost two months, and it was officially the longest you’d spent without seeing each other. The thought was excruciating. He was your best friend in the entire world, you were head over heels in love with him, and the absence of him was like gasping for air on the verge of drowning.

But today was a merry day. Today was all about spending time together, eating a nice homemade meal, and reuniting. So, you played the part – you ate dinner, played board games with your cousins, and chatted with your uncles and aunts. You did what you were expected to do, and nothing more.

When you returned to your place, to your sad and lonely apartment, you sat down on the floor, still in your red party dress, back to your couch with a glass of wine, and flipped through a photo album Nancy and Jonathan had given you for your twenty-fifth birthday.

It was a recollection of happy times Jonathan had captured with his camera throughout the years – from graduating high school to renting your first crappy apartment, taking your first trip to New York with the group, and celebrating various occasions with them.

You took the last photo from the album, holding it between your fingers to get a closer look. It was a picture of you and Steve on New Year’s Eve the year before. You were posing for the camera, smiling from ear to ear. You were looking at the lens, but Steve only had eyes for you, holding you in his arms with rosy cheeks. When you looked at it like that, in retrospect and from another’s perspective, it seemed so evident that the guy in the picture loved the girl posing next to him.

You were fully crying now, blurry eyes and stuffy nose in contradiction with the holiday spirit. You were about to put the picture away in the album when something in the back of it caught your eye.

There was a note in the handwriting you would recognize anywhere at any given time – Steve’s. Your heart skipped a beat. It had gone unnoticed the first time you’d looked through the album at your birthday party and none of your friends had mentioned a thing about it. You started to look at a handful of pictures to see if others had something hidden on the other side, but they were all blank. All except for one.

You took a deep breath, pondering. Maybe Nancy and Jonathan were unaware of it, but Steve not saying anything didn’t make sense. This note had been there, forgotten in an album gathering dust in your bookcase, for months, and it could’ve gone on for years had you not felt nostalgic on that specific day.

You wondered if you should read it or pretend you’d never seen it. It was only a few words; they were probably some meaningless inside jokes or more personal birthday wishes. But they could also be something more, much more.

You knew you couldn’t live with the uncertainty, so you gathered your courage and read.

Happy birthday, kitten! Don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but I want you to know you’re my favorite person in the entire world, and I love you. Yours always, Steve PS: stop being a sourpuss just ‘cause you turned 25

It had been there. Right there, under your nose, all along. Yours always.

Before you could think it through, your coat was around your shoulders and you were behind the wheel, ready to drive to Steve’s place and tell him how you felt. Screw the stability and the uncertainty – you loved the boy too and you needed to tell him tonight.

It was past midnight, the air was cold and the streetlights reflected in the puddles on the pavement as you drove a little too fast toward Steve’s building. Your heart was racing in your chest, anticipation mingling with excitement while you rehearsed what you’d say in your head.

You were going to confess your true feelings to Steve. Nothing could scare you anymore.

Except, perhaps, the ominous sputtering sound your car made when you tried to restart at a traffic light.

“No, no, no, no, no, come on, not now!!” you begged desperately.

The ignition wouldn’t turn over, and you could’ve screamed at the sky. Was it some sort of cosmic sign preventing you from making the biggest mistake of your life?

You got out of the car to check the engine under the hood. When you opened it, it did something it’d never done before – it gave off fumes.

You coughed violently as you stepped away from the car, looking all around you and realizing you were alone on the street in the middle of the night with a kaput car and wasted opportunities.

“This is a nightmare,” you told yourself out loud. “This can’t be happening to me.”

Your eyes burned as you were about to cry again, disheartened and pathetic. Then, some headlights on the other side of the road caught your attention.

A maroon car stopped next to you and turned the ignition off. You held your breath, recognizing the vehicle instantly and wondering if the universe wouldn’t happen to be messing with you.

The driver exited the car and eyed yours up and down before chuckling.

“I had a feeling Gina wouldn’t make it through the year,” he said.

You laughed, the sound choked up in your throat at the improbability of the situation. You couldn’t believe Steve was there, rescuing you even without meaning to, always being there when you needed him to, the constant one in your life. As luck would have it, you thought.

“What are you doing here this late at night?” you asked him.

“Could ask you the same thing,” he remarked with a smile.

You returned his smile, nervously fixing your hair. The wind was rising, and the air was filled with change and expectations.

“I was… on my way to your place, actually,” you explained, somehow shyly. “I wanted to talk to you.”

A few seconds passed until Steve spoke again like he was processing the information. “That’s funny, I was on my way to your place too.”

You swallowed, unable to stop hoping. “You were?”

“Yeah… Of course, I was,” Steve shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep, and I realized I never got a chance to give you your present because we weren't speaking to each other, so… Anyways, I can just give it to you now.”

“We’re literally in the middle of the road, Steve.”

He looked around at the empty and silent street for good measure. “Yeah, and it’s not like it’s rush hour right now, I think we’re good.”

You opened your mouth to retort but opted against saying anything else. It was your first interaction with him in weeks, it was out of the question to ruin it just to have the last word.

The young man got something from the backseat of his car and immediately handed it to you. You took it carefully, turning it over in your hand to try and figure out what was beneath the wrapping paper.

“I… don’t have your gift,” you admitted, crestfallen. “I mean, I did get you something, but I didn’t think to give it to you tonight.”

“It’s okay, kitten. Just open it.”

You complied, slowly unwrapping the paper with trembling fingers and shortness of breath as Steve observed quietly.

You were now looking at a book’s front cover, and it might’ve seemed unremarkable at first glance, but it was not some common paperback.

“First limited edition,” Steve explained, even though you already knew. “You talked about it at Eddie’s place a couple of months ago, that it was almost impossible to find today, and you’d love to have it. So, I went to every bookstore in town to ask if they knew where to get it, and one of them gave me their counterpart's number from England, they had to send it all the way here but… Yeah,” Steve concluded, face red and hands in his pocket. “I found it.”

You looked up from the book to lock eyes with Steve. He seemed expectant and abashed, almost anxious of your reaction.

“You went to all this trouble for me?” you asked in disbelief.

He pursed his lips and nodded as if it was that obvious.

“You’re well worth the trouble.”

All this time, you had expected blatant signs, big gestures, and declarations, when Steve had been telling you how he felt in his own way for years. It had always been there – in fleeting touches, longing stares, and understated actions.

“I read it,” you eventually confessed.

"The book?" Steve asked, puzzled.

“No," you laughed. "The note you wrote in my photo album. I read it tonight.”

You noticed the way Steve held his breath at that revelation. Suddenly, you no longer cared that you were standing in the middle of the road with your dead car by your side. Suddenly, all that mattered was the pretty boy standing before you and what you felt for him.

“It was corny, right?” Steve said with a nervous laugh. “I know you don’t like it when it’s corny but –“

“Can’t you just be serious for one minute, Harrington?” you cut him short with an amused eye roll. “I’m trying to tell you how I feel here.”

“I know,” Steve breathed out. “I’ve been trying to tell you how I feel for months now, but I never find the right words.”

In the elation of the moment, your words got a mind of their own, and you heard yourself saying: “Show me, then.”

Friends. A designation you held onto for the past eight years, a status that put things into perspective whenever Steve introduced a new girlfriend to the group, a word that freed you of your guilt when getting into relationships yourself, a term that helped you when you would yearn for something more, something you thought to be unrealistic and unreachable.

That word no longer held any power over you now that you were in Steve Harrington’s arms and he leaned in to seal his lips with yours into a long-awaited and overdue kiss, the promise of a cherished and beautiful future.

You'd envisioned the scene time and time again in your mind, but none of the imaginary scenarios your fantasies created could measure up to that kiss. It was sweet, yet demanding, like you were the air he needed to breathe. He kissed you like he loved - sincerely, tenderly, and intensely. You smiled against his mouth, and your heart melted when he did it too.

When you parted from him, lips swollen and eyelashes fluttering, you felt like everything was finally right and mourned the time you wasted being scared of changes.

“So… What now?” you whispered, getting a strand of hair out of Steve’s face to look at him better.

The boy held your gaze, enamored and enraptured like you’d never seen him before. You enjoyed it while it lasted because it was a momentary bliss until reality caught up.

“Well, first, we’re going to call a tow truck," Steve said as he entwined his fingers with yours. "And then, you’ll bid farewell to Gina,” he nodded toward the car.

Your heart tightened in your chest. You’d almost forgotten about your car. It was truly ironic, how you needed to say goodbye to your oldest partner while embracing a new beginning with your best friend.

“Can it wait until tomorrow?” you asked while batting your lashes at him.

“Hey, just because we’re going to make out a lot from now on doesn’t mean you get to do that,” Steve jokingly scolded you while gesturing at your face.

“Do what?” you asked, coy and amused.

Steve laughed and put his arm around your shoulders. “Come on, kitten, I’m taking you home.”

At first, it didn’t feel like much had changed between you and Steve. You were still teasing each other, spending time with the group before Nancy and Jonathan’s departure, and arguing about what car you should buy now that Gina was in a junkyard.

But things had changed for the better, and you realized it on New Year’s Eve when Steve kissed you at midnight, as he would for many new years to come.

❤️❤️❤️

[elliesspacewalker]

“Me and the devil walking side by side”

summary: you lived in a small town in Jackson, you went to a small high school with your best friend Ellie, Dina and Jesse… everything was normal, until it wasn’t.

cw: 18+, no smut but a lot of gore, mentions of substance use (weed and alcohol), usage of alcohol, mentions of schizophrenia and psychosis, mentions of drugging but no drugging, mentions of spiders for all you lil people who are scared of them (don’t worry i am too), mentions of murder, semi demon/vampire.

“y/n?”

…

“y/n?!”

…

y/n” Ellie says, putting her hand on your shoulder to make sure you’re okay “you okay? you look like you’ve just seen a ghost”

Technically, she isn’t wrong. although, it wasn’t a ghost you saw while you were zoned out. it was more of a…. vision? but you didn’t know what to think of it because it was blurry and oh shit you’re lost in thought again.

You shake your head fast and turn to Ellie “yeah. i’m good, you good??” a nervous chuckle left your lips, ellie’s piercing green eyes staring at you—they’re soft yet powerful eyes, it always made you smile.

She smiles back understanding your nervous chuckle, she laughs a bit and then confirms she is doing okay as well.

“you wanna go get something to eat?” Ellie asks in a soft voice, you nod and both go downstairs. Joel, ellie’s father was sitting at the table sipping on coffee (just how he always does) “watcha want?”

“uh, whatever you want” you reply back, her voice more unsteady now “oh i’ve already eaten. i’m full” that’s weird, you had been with ellie all day and hadn’t seen her eat once, maybe she snuck some food into the bathroom when you weren’t looking so you brush it off as nothing…

“I gotta get home, thanks for having me!” you smile and give her a hug, thanking joel for letting you come over—the walk home was how it always was, you lived up the road from ellie and although it was close, it was getting dark.

“hey ma! i’m home!” you shout out as you open the front door, yet another sight to come home to your dad sipping on a beer and watching the tv, it felt odd to see your mom watching the tv so you walk over to see the news…

“a young boy found dead, police have confirmed he was a 14-year-old boy from the high school here in Jackson, his name being James Reed, if there are any witness’s who may have seen something happen please contact the police immediately” the lady on the news explains, leaving you and your mother shocked, your dad just scoffs “probably got drunk and fell over himself”

“the bite marks found on him are not identified by scientists and we recommend everyone stays indoors at night time” the woman explains further, leaving your dad with wide eyes as he realises this is more serious than he thought.

“no more going out at night” your mother says, “but mom?”

“no buts, don’t want to find you dead, no more going to ellie’s late at night otherwise you’ll have to stay home or sleep over at hers” you let out a sigh… “fine”

—

Throughout the night you have trouble sleeping, a constant ringing and talking in your ear— you’ve always experienced these, especially after smoking weed for the first time, a constant assumption it was just psychosis… Eventually these distorted words got louder and louder and you couldn’t handle it anymore, pulling your hands up to your ear and sitting up in bed, back pressing against your headboard…

“t-ehy wabt ta gat you” the voices grew louder and louder, your body covered in sweat as you try to remain calm…

“you- cannot escape this” the one clear voice you’ve gotten, though it didn’t sound like someone you knew- that’s when it all stopped, as soon as the voice realised it had disoriented you and made you beyond paranoid… you could barely function, the fear that someone could be fucking with your head- maybe someone drugged you, maybe i’m insane, maybe something is wrong with you?

these ideas bouncing around your head left and right before you finally fell into a deep sleep, a coma like state, you couldn’t feel your body- it was numb to the world and your senses felt like they were gone, it started with an itch on your neck when you were in such a deep sleep, you scratch it and immediately it went away, but the burning sensation didn’t go away…

Waking up was difficult, getting almost no sleep you head to the bathroom to brush your teeth- you grabbed your toothbrush and started brushing your teeth, it’s when you looked in the mirror and saw two bite marks, they weren’t deep but looked like spider bites almost.

you shrugged and went downstairs to tell your dad there were spiders in your room again.

“brekky?” your mom asks, you nod. “how’d you sleep?” your mothers voice calm and relaxed, you just lie and say it was good.

“fantastic” she butters your toast and gives it to you, you sit down at the table and start eating-

that’s when everything around you looked distorted in a way, you could make out what was around you but it just didn’t feel right- the voices were back.

i

“you enjoying the food?” the voice asks, you look around you confused “no one can hear it” it adds on, you don’t know if you should talk or just talk via your mind, you pull a hair strand behind your ear as you start to sweat up a bit… your mom taking notice and asking if you’re okay, your pupils blown big and your actions erratic “school! now, bye!” your words didn’t make sense but you couldn’t control over what you said, almost like you were being controlled.

I know this is short but when i have more inspiration to write i will, promise. I just had this as a draft for wayyy too long.. should i make a part 2 tho? that’s the better question..

[inquisitornocturn]

Layers meme: Volenta

Self-tagging from @its-sixxers because this is super cool (go check their art/writing!)

Art by @/klyukvav

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

Name: Volenta Calcazar, nee Van Halvek.

Eye Color: Pale grey

Hair Style/Color: White snow hair, waist-length, always loose because her husband likes it that way.

Height: 170cm/5'7

Clothing Style: Inquisitorial uniform when at work, something sleek but comfortable when relaxing, usually simple pants and a loose shirt. Loves high-heels. Choice of color is always and forever black with silver details.

Best Physical Feature: She thinks it's her sizeable chest, but it's her lethal facecard instead.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Fears: Loss of control, loss of her partner, Chaos winning over Imperium.

Guilty Pleasure: Alcohol, the more expensive the better and she's not afraid to throw incredible sums for some exotic liquor.

Biggest Pet Peeve: Men thinking they are better than her.

Ambition for the Future: To completely eliminate radical thinking within the Inquisition.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

First Thoughts Waking Up: "God-Emperor, give me strength on this new day."

What They Think About the Most: Besides the men she loves, she thinks about her job pretty much nonstop.

What They Think About Before Bed: Sums up day's achievements, failures and runs next day's tasks through her mind.

What They Think Their Best Quality Is: Her completely objective and impartial judgement.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: She never really dated before but that would absolutely be one on one.

To be Loved or Respected: Loved. Her sex life is already lovingly disrespectful.

Beauty or Brains: Brains. Imperium is full of idiots, she don't need any by her side.

Dogs or Cats: Neither, she's not an animal person, but if pressed to choose she would pick a cat.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: Not really. She deals in half-truths and partial facts because of her job but sees lying as a sin against the God-Emperor.

Believe in Yourself: Yes.

Believe in Love: Very much so.

Want Someone: Plural. And yes.

LAYER SIX: HAVE YOU EVER?

Been on Stage: She's given out plenty of speeches, so yes.

Done Drugs: Yes, but most times by accident.

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: Never. She changed when she thought her higher calling needed it.

LAYER SEVEN: WHAT’S THEIR…

Favourite colours: Black, red and gold.

Favourite animal: None.

Favourite book: Lex Imperialis.

Favourite game: Regicide.

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

DOB: She's not sure as she grew up alone on a Hive world, but somewhere around 760.41M, give or take a year.

How Old Will You Be: 84

Age You Lost Your Virginity: 17

Does Age Matter: She's been on rejuvenation injections from very early on so she barely aged since her mid-to-late thirties and only does it so that her body remains dexterous and functional for as long as possible due to demands of her job.

LAYER NINE: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love: them.

I feel: like I'm the only one who can do what I do.

I hide: weakness, because weakness is heresy.

I miss: calm moments because they pass too fast.

I wish: for the God-Emperor to show me a sign that I'm going in a right direction and that what I do matters.

I tag @vossn (give me more Viktor lore) @misscoet (Diana and Gideon separately maybe?) @medeaft (Give me some Medea of Angelopolis please!) @liocreates (Myssa? Myssa) @nananarc (would love to see 'An (and I still am gonna do the tag game you tagged me in!)) @annahenriart (would love to see more of your Lavellan as well!)

P.S. My mentions of OCs is completely subjective and you can do whatever! I'm just naming the ones I'm most curious about (´▽`ʃƪ)♡

[houndsofcorduff]

Avalon Show Bible: Character Bios: Zane Rourke

Zane Rourke

Appearance

21

Birthday: January 10th, 1978

Height: 6'0

Build: Athletic and broad-shouldered

Hair: Tousled dirty blond

Eyes: Light blue

Style: jackets, faded jeans, scuffed boots, crisp uniform when on duty, but not immaculate, always something slightly off

Personality

Observant and methodical but ultimately driven by gut instinct

Doesn't like secrets or surprises

Approaches the supernatural with grounded skepticism, but is deeply curious

Hates feeling powerless, motivated by a need to understand

Will always go out of his way to help someone else, even if he's mad at them

Focuses on the small details that others don't always notice, investigative

Backstory

Zane grew up on the East Coast in [City Name] and was raised by a single father who was also a cop. He was an only child and was often left to take care of himself. His father, unfortunately, started down a bad path when he was 13, and Zane quickly became responsible for both of them. His dad would be fine while at work, but would drink himself into a stupor as soon as he was home.

Zane didn't want others to think less of his father, who was his hero, so he often covered up for him or made excuses. He hoped that his dad would go back to "normal" soon, but he never fully recovered. Even in his early 20s, he is still taking care of his dad and covering up for him.

In high school, his saving grace was his girlfriend, Natalie Murphy, but her secrecy about her family, the Waystation, and more drove him crazy. He started asking more and more questions, trying to get her to open up and be honest with him, but the more she refused, the more frustrated they both got. They eventually broke up shortly before her graduation.

Now that he's graduated from the police academy himself, he's a rookie cop and can't help but continue to be drawn to the mystery of the Waystation. He's thrown himself into his job at this point, and although he's on a fast track with the police station, he is often laughed at for bringing up strange cases around the city. What he doesn't realize is that he's noticing bits of the supernatural that the others are oblivious to.

Although he is rebuffed by Natalie still, he is surprised to be called upon by her every so often. The things she needs help with are always mysterious and strange, and she never fully explains anything. He knows that some of the things he helps her with could probably get him fired, but he's secretly hoping that by keeping this line of communication open, she'll eventually open up to him. Throughout season 1, he is exposed to increasing amounts of supernatural activity and starts to become a believer.

Goals

Prove himself to be a capable officer in a station full of jaded veterans

Figure out what the hell is going on with the Waystation

Stay close to Natalie, figure her out, and maybe reconcile with her

Protect his dad's reputation and keep his alcoholism secret

Secrets

His dad is an alcoholic and barely functioning

He once saw something strange and supernatural as a kid, but has convinced himself it was just his imagination or a dream

He is definitely still in love with Natalie

The Production Team (aka the taglitst): @kingragnarok-writes @aalinaaaaaa @annetilney

Let me know if you want to be on the production team ;)

[pinkorchidsinspring]

Maybe because the tortured POETS department was her SPEAKing NOW. This album was her testimony. After all, it came straight from the desk of the CHAIRMAN of the tortured poets department. Right? This is her

Saying that she’s been a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed her new asthetic. Fortnight

Saying that the kind of people she dates leave type writers at her apartment TTPD

Saying that rivulets descend her plastic smile MBOBHFT

Saying that they’ll say she’s nuts if she talks about the existence of her wife Down Bad

Saying that she feels as though her career was the gun that made those two graves SLL

Saying that they slammed the door on her whole world 🤍🌼 BDILH

Saying that she had years of labor, locks and ceilings⛓️‍💥 for just one hour of sunshine ☀️ FOTS

Saying she needs to forget 🥃 FLORIDA!!!

Saying that she is in fact guilty as sin ✝️🏳️‍🌈 GAS?

Saying that the industry should be afraid of little old Taylor. WAOLOM

Saying that her lover had a Halo of the highest grade, and traces hearts on her face. ICFHNRIC

Saying that her and her lover’s field of dreams were engulfed in fire. 🔥 loml

Saying that she’s miserable, and nobody even knows. ICDIWABH

Saying that she wonders if in 50 years will all this be declassified? TSMWEL

Saying that she’ll make a comeback to where she belongs. The Alchemy

Saying that it truly is hell on earth to be that heavenly. Clara Bow

Saying that her longings remain unspoken. TBD

Saying that these eras of hiding truly will be fading into gray. imgonnagetyouback

Saying that some old men once said “one bad seed kills the garden” that is the music industry. The Albatross

Saying that she needs to know if she’ll always wonder “what if?” COSOSOM

Saying that the deflation of their dreaming after the patch job on coming out during lover era left Taylor bereft and reeling. How did it end?

Saying that her relationships as far as the public knows are so high school in comparison to her real love.

Saying that she’ll go to secret gardens in her mind to escape the here and now of Taylor Swift™️. I Hate It Here

Saying that all that time the swifties were throwing digital punches at whatever guy was unlucky enough to be picked that month, It was all for nothing. Because it wasn’t real. TYA

Saying that she’s transfixed by the rose golden glow of her lover, aka the one in rose blush. ILIPW

Saying that shes been on her knees, begging someone to please change the prophecy, she doesn’t want the PR money, she’s had enough of this punishment. TP

Saying that bloods thick but there’s NOTHING like a payroll, and she said it first, in a mourning warning, no one heard. Cassandra

Saying that as the men mascurade around with grown up Taylor, her younger self waits for her to come out because she said when she grew up she was gonna come find her. Peter

Saying that she was reviled by everyone except her own father. The Bolter

Admitting that in sweetness, she does all this showmanship because she vowed to keep a secret from the little boy who plays with dinosaurs. To protect him. 👩🏼‍🍼Robin

Saying that when it’s all over she’ll know what the agony had been for. The Manuscript

In case you didn’t catch on yet, these admissions are all from each of the 31 songs on the album.

I repeat: The reason Taylor released more signed copies of an album that is full of her real thoughts, is because this is her TRUTH. This album was her SPEAKing NOW.

The end is near my friends.

[fatesunwritten]

Generate 10 headcanons for my muse and I'll either accept (✔️) or reject (❌️) them

ruby has an incredible spice tolerance. ✔️ absolutely! while rwby never really digs too much into race and cultures that parallel the real world, i strongly headcanon she is half-hispanic (from summer who is colombian) and half-chinese (from taiyang, who is chinese). she grew up eating a lot of dishes from both cultures (including some fusion dishes that were lost after summer died), and has a pretty high spice tolerance.

ruby is a theatre kid. ❌️ while she's had some moments of being a little extra, it's not in the overly dramatic way of a theater kid. it's more in a stylish kind of way. besides, she's a robotics club / stem girl lets be real here.

ruby hates you. ❌️ JESUS CHRIST THAT'S HARSH. but no!!! she loves you! your character, on the other hand, is debatable.

ruby would buy clothes from the soup store. ✔️ why is she buying clothes from the soup store

ruby bites their nails. ✔️ the more stressed she gets, the worse her nail biting gets. she has to keep them trimmed super short so she doesn't feel the urge to bite them.

ruby lost to someone in Mario Kart ✔️ haven't we all? (it's always yang. yang has no mercy and all of the blue shells.)

ruby knows the lyrics to Welcome to the Black Parade by heart. ✔️ YES. it's not a phase, she's emo and alt and it's a lifestyle.

ruby is a horrible liar. ❌️ the truth comes easier to her, of course, but she has a scary ability to lie so easily when she has to that makes roman terrified (and a little impressed.)

ruby has chronic nightmares. ✔️ they got worse after the fall of beacon and her team being split up, but she's always suffered from nightmares.

ruby is the type of person to only drink anything other than water. ❌️ unlike some people, ruby actually enjoys water! she has a weird thing for it when it's unflavored and usually adds those zero sugar, zero calorie flavor packets to them to help but she is a proud member of r/hydrohomies.

tagged by: @nectaric tagging: anyone who wants to do it and also @musesofremnant

( see below the read more for roman & scarlett's. five for each bc i was too lazy to do a full ten )

roman likes to eat straight coffee beans and raw oranges. ✔️ it's his midnight snack guilty pleasure that he denies like hell.

roman has made up words for common items ❌️ he's usually good at remembering what they're called and when he forgets the word for it (he is bilingual after all), he just describes it until someone tells him what it is.

roman is an alcoholic ❌️ he has a healthy relationship with drinking. his addiction is nicotine, preferably his cigars but he'll take cigarettes or even vape pens when there's no other options. his mother, among many other vices, was an alcoholic and he does his best to avoid drinking excessively due to trauma and fear of becoming her.

roman is naturally very quiet. ✔️ as long as he's not talking. otherwise his footsteps? his breathing? he regularly sneaks up on people without even meaning to.

roman has concerningly deep eyebags. ✔️ in addition to the mascara and eyeliner, he wears makeup to cover them up, along with other blemishes. very few people have seen him in his natural state.

scarlett forgets to eat sometimes. ✔️ she has gone entire days without eating. it's the hyperfocus; she gets so wrapped up in whatever her brain is focused on, she completely neglects basic functions. if no one is around, she can go until the hunger starts affecting her body before she realizes "shit, did i eat lately???"

scarlett has made up words for common items ✔️ unlike roman, scarlett has absolutely done this. it takes a special skill to learn what the hell she's saying and talking about.

scarlett is afraid of doing anything without other peoples permission. ❌️ this is something i'm going to count as a no, because the only exception is roman but he's a spiders georg outlier. everyone else? fuck what they think, she's been under too many people's control her entire life to let anyone stop her from doing whatever she wants now.

scarlett bought a squirt gun and wishes more people were interested ✔️ don't ask what's in it. you're better off not knowing.

scarlett uses their arms a lot when speaking ✔️ she's a very animated talker. (it's the adhd). too many people nearby her have gotten smacked by her arm or hands when she's been talking. the longer she talks, especially if it's a story, the worse it gets. people who have known her a long time know when to duck and dodge these swings, but not always.

[loeyshandtattoo]

hindsight (chapter 2) | park chanyeol x reader

a/n: it took me awhile revising this chapter and i had to have a clear vision and connect the dots of the rest of the plot that i had already established, but here it goes anyway and is a bit longer than the previous one, and has more chanyeol appearance compared the last time it was sort of like the pilot episode. i hope you all love this, to all who where anticipating for a new chapter and i hope i served you all justice today

warning/s: alcohol consumption, mention of cuss words, some angsty shit i guess

word count: 4.2k words

IT STILL BAFFLES me how and when Baekhyun learned of my puppy love for his best friend. Admittedly, I have liked him ever since Baekhyun introduced him to me, and it only grew when the teasing part started; he would call me ‘cute’ for some reason because he likes seeing me turn red in embarrassment.

Back in my last year of Middle School, I learned that Chanyeol was dating the new girl from our school. I just thought that any guy like Park Chanyeol would just kiss and drop her, until I discovered that it was serious. I could still remember how broken I was that night. After attending the academy, I went straight home, moped around my room, and cried for days. Even though Angel and I were the best of friends, that was one secret I never told her.

Because Chanyeol dated my best friend.

She was the new girl.

When Angel was just starting out as a freshman and he was a sophomore while I was already in my last stretch of middle school, that was also the time that I had a chance to befriend the girlfriend of the guy I was going through my entire teenagerhood because I was the younger sister of Baekhyun, and I admit that I befriended her so that I could see the bad side of her, and just like the namesake herself, she was the purest and kindest person that I have ever met, and she deserves someone like this man she is with.

For the past two years that Angel and I have been friends, she still has no idea.

When I finally surpassed the feelings that I had for Chanyeol, the timing also had its ways, just so happened that was also the perfect timing to break up, and that was when I was already midway my freshman year, and as I have entered real high school, I also learned how much important of a phase it was and through my first years of high school, I had figured out that the football team was chasing after me, and they were taking turns on trying to court me and luckily, with the help of Baekhyun, he told me to turn them all down as they were only placing bets on me, which I learned the next day, Chanyeol had to beat all the athletes from the socccer team for that reason, which had Baekhyun skeptical as well, and while I just thought it was his older brother instincts that came out.

"Young Miss, You may finally rest now; I have removed all your makeup." Annie spoke with the most comforting voice. The room was dimmed, which turned my room into a relaxing ambiance. My mother was very strict with bedtime procedures, especially with me since I am her only daughter, and she was concerned that the next two years of my life would be filled with nothing but debut preparations. Upper Elites practiced this debutante ball every year as a symbol of family presentation to the world of Aristocrats of the Upper East Side, and it was one significant thing that Lower Elites did not have aside from inherited wealth, which is a debutante ball. Aristocrats have admired the same European practice, as takes us back to the reign of Queen Charlotte of UK, although debutante balls are a symbol of matchmaking functions, it also serves as a function that a woman is ready to take her place to become a lady and prove it by attending different galas, functions and charity events as well as the talk of her future, and even so the event will merely take two years later, the madhatters are preparing for it because of mother’s connections, and since our family is one of the nine dukes, it was important to make a presentation—to build image and I was representing the House of Yangban—the Korean Aristocrat, and the roots of the Secret Royal Family, the most important figure of the Elite High Society.

"Did Baekhyun leave?" I asked her. She nodded, bowed her head, and walked straight to the door to finally leave me alone.

He had to return the Rolls-Royce to him anyway.

"The bouquet does not reflect Sweet Sixteenth, Charity, Mother complained as she went over the selection of bouquet setups, and here I was following her around since I should also be concerned with the preparations for it, but the majority of the plans were made by Mother, and even so, the slightest bit of opinion does not qualify for it.

I was about to open my mouth, gathering up my courage to say that I would also like tulips and that they would also be a good addition to the bouquet. "If you were thinking about tulips, dear, it won’t go absolutely well with the rest of the flowers that I think suit the best." I just seriously gave up.

"You can do it next year," Mother added.

But she said the same thing last year, and Mother went all out with the Lily of the Valley, which had me wondering if I was already getting married at that time as it was a White Party, she said.

"Cali, dearest, I’ll have the driver pick you up and pick up the custom-made Vivienne Westwood dress that I had requested for you. I bet you will love the black, and don’t worry, there are lace embellishments and different trendy stuff that I had mixed there for you." She spoke happily.

Well, that would have gone better if she had consulted me before naming her price. As I was waiting in the foyer for the driver, I dialed Angel and decided to ask for company. "Yeah, sure, I was just sitting at home." I smiled as I heard the honking of the limo as I held my Dior saddle bag, checked the time, stood up straight, and exited the building.

I entered the limousine, "Upper West Side, please," and opened my phone.

BE THERE BY TEN. HURRY UP. JUST KIDDING. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED.

"Your Mother outdid herself again, I could say." Angel chuckled as she admired the party venue. This time, my mother chose a high-rise and rented the entire penthouse for my birthday. Men were wearing their tuxedos, and women were wearing their a-line dresses that vary in length. As I was a girl of morals, they said, it ended until my knee, but Angel and I had different plans earlier, especially when we picked this black dress.

A blank expression was maintained on our faces when the custom-made dress was presented to us. "This is your birthday dress, or am I stand- corrected?" Angel quizzed. The hem reached below the knee, and the sleeves ended at my wrist. "This was the dress my mom was praising earlier?" I sighed.

"That is it; I am going home." I had lost all hopes for everything for my birthday.

"Oh my, Calista. It does not look that bad at all. Tell you what, I have a plan tonight." Angel convinced me to do as I was told, and here we are rotting away in this dreadful party filled with people from the Yangban house and the Upper Elites, exclusively, and Angel was my request plus one in the guest list, and Mother was still a bit skeptical about it since I was inviting a lower elite, and she will only be the only Upper Elite in that party.

I saw Baekhyun drinking his scotch whiskey again. "Good. There you are; I was stalling time." Baekhyun spoke.

"Huh?" I quizzed.

Then he dragged me out of the party venue and into the elevator that was obviously going down. "My little sister won’t be spending her birthday like that, Baekhyun said, and as we were nearing the ground level, the door opened, and outside the building there was a limousine waiting. That took a lot to process; I breathed it in and exhaled it out again.

"Mind telling me where we are going?" I asked Baekhyun. The limousine was not yet moving, meaning we were waiting for someone.

"We are going to show you how we really celebrate our birthdays, Lower Elite style." Angel spoke as she and Baekhyun high-fived across me. My jaw slacked as I saw their proud faces and decided that we should just go ahead with whatever they were planning, and I hope it does not involve something troublesome.

The neon lighting and the loud sound blaring into the party venue were enough information to take me to where I was taken by Angel and by Baekhyun, where I saw that they had taken me into a club. "You idiots brought me into a club?" I was so ready to scold them, and they assured me that everything was fine.

"Come on, I’m here anyways, so drink like you know how." Baekhyun assured me that everything is under control.

"Do they serve wine here?" Baekhyun laughed at that thought. "Hope not," He said as he entered the club and disappeared into the crowd of people.

I glared at Angel, and she smiled. "Don’t worry, your brother assured me that he limited the drinks you can take, and all of the people from school are here; many are from lower elites, but for sure they won’t talk around, especially since your brother is there, Angel said as she grasped my elbow as assurance.

Then I saw Angel bring out a skimpy-looking black dress and say, "I demand you wear this, birthday girl." She winked at me, and I widened my eyes at the look of the dress. This was the backup plan that she was telling me earlier.

Roaming around my birthday party was difficult; it turns out Baekhyun invited the whole school into this club for my birthday. Baekhyun feared that I was a bit old for not being open to alcohol, and so here I was sitting on a bar stool as I watched Angel turn into the polar opposite of how I used to think of her before. "Bitch, you drink?" I saw her on a totally different level, and she smiled and dipped her thumb and index finger into the bowl of salt and grabbed a pinch and consumed the shot glass of tequila and grabbed a lime wedge from the bowl and sucked onto the acidic fruit.

"Yeah, and this bad boy is called Tequila." Angel proudly spoke as she downed another shot glass.

"You only knew me two years ago, Calista. After dating Chanyeol, I learned how to drink," she narrated.

Yeah. They both dated, but that was ancient history.

"Here, drink one glass, and let's say that you have passed the test." Angel encouraged me, and I kept refusing, but still she was continuously offering me the glass, and I just gave up, and I looked at her as she eyed me, anticipating as I tasted the liquor down my mouth and burned my throat.

"The fuck! It’s bitter; you guys actually like these?" I asked her, and she nodded.

"You grow to like it, Cali," she said as she sipped her mocktail and offered me hers. "How about this one? Try it!" She offered me her glass, and this time I wanted to try it again, and it was sort of tolerable and much better now. Angel clapped for me happily and ordered from the waiter: "My friend here says that she’s also ordering the same thing that I am having." Angel spoke.

As the barista prepared the drinks, I glanced at the situation and saw that everyone was partying their guts out, and there I saw Baekhyun with his best friend, of course, dressed in his tuxedo as well and drinking his whiskey, and they were all going berserk, and I laughed at how silly they were behaving.

"Here you go, ladies." The barista offered us the drinks, and I politely thanked the barista, and I heaved a breath before taking a shot. "Don’t take it that way!" Angel scolded me and passed the lemon and salt. "You drink it like this, Angel said as she grabbed her lemon and demonstrated what she claimed to be the right way, which led me to do the same thing.

Which had me take a lot more, and I could still remember blowing my birthday cake and everyone singing happy birthday, and then all went black.

Happy Birthday to me, I guess.

"Good morning, Young Miss." Anne wished me a good morning with a smile.

There seems to be no headache at all, and that got me suspicious. I was heavily drunk last night, and the least I could expect was an excruciating headache next thing in the morning, which I didn’t seem to have. "It was very unlikely of you, Young Miss, to wake up this late, Anne said as she arranged all the mess on the floor. The contents of my clutch that matched my outfit last night were scattered around the bedroom floor.

"Your Mother was expecting you earlier to join her for breakfast, but you did not seem to respond earlier this morning, Anne added.

It hits differently when something so insane like being drunk hits you, but one thing’s for sure: I love the feeling, and now I feel something for Angel.

"I’m really sorry, Anne. I sort of had a bad sleep last night, and all the slumber is still kicking in." I spoke to Anne with a smile as she left for my privacy, and then I heard Baekhyun calling me from the hallways of the house with a panicked tone.

Then I dazed at him as he stood by my door, and he rushed inside the room, closed the door with a slam, and locked the door. "Where were you last night?" He asked me.

"What do you mean where was I last night? I was with Angel and you the whole night in the club?" I tried to knock some sense into him, and he scoffed. "No, I was not; I was with my classmates, and I was looking all night for you after the party, but Angel told me you just vanished." He spoke.

If Baekhyun did not take me home last night, who else did?

"And why in the world do you smell like man’s perfume?" Baekhyun quizzed, and I was taken aback and took a whiff of my hair as I tried to recollect from my mind’s memories of last night who I possibly was with last night.

"Please..." I mumbled and prayed, hoping that it was not someone that I did not know and someone that could have possibly molested me. As I closed my eyes, I recalled the memories; however, they were blurry, but some familiar voice spoke to me.

"I’ll take you home." It was a man’s voice, and it was oh so familiar, but the face was something that I couldn’t distinguish.

"Your Royal Highness, we have to be discreet as much as possible; this lady has an aristocratic background, and we must not raise suspicions." A man possibly in his fifties spoke with the man from before.

"Were you sure enough?" Angel asked me as we walked down the school hallways. As we conversed about that night’s events, she could hardly believe that the man that I was referring to could possibly be someone from the secret royal family. The Secret Royal Family of Yi was the one that established all the luxury lives that we are benefiting from, and all of the aristocratic houses are very thankful to the family for giving honor to our heritage as royalty. "I am sure that the man addressed him as ‘Your Royal Highness," I exclaimed.

"The only people in our world who address them with an HRH title are members of the secret royal family, even if we don’t see them at all. It’s like God to us," I added.

Then, as we walked through the hallways, I saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and they had their books in hand. I looked over at Angel, and she was admiring him. From the very start of their breakup, I knew Angel still had the deepest feelings for him, and through her actions, there was no question. The way her eyes still glimmer with hope when she sees him along the hallways and everywhere just pains me enough to just sacrifice what I have left because I don’t want to be suspicious anymore, but what Baekhyun said that night as we went home from the charity event was also convincing.

"Calista, you know about these situations. You should learn how to gamble your feelings away even if it means not ending up with your feelings being returned," He said as he held on to the wheel.

That night was extremely windy, and the way our hair flew and the fabrics of our clothing reacted to the gush of wind as Baekhyun drove hastily—even though I told him to slow down, he just never listens anyway.

"How about Angel? I can’t hurt her." I cried to Baekhyun, and he sighed, "Calista, if Angel is your true best friend, she will understand you no matter how much it hurts, just like you have always understood and sacrificed your feelings for Chanyeol. I bet she will do the same." He explained.

I scoffed. The rules of the girl code are strict but simple: the ex of your best friend is off limits. "Either way, Chanyeol will clear it up for the both of you; just trust me and him," He added. Chanyeol, as I have learned and experienced through my years of childhood with him and my brother, was the gentlest man ever known to mankind until he reached the point where popularity took the best of him. We rarely had interactions, which made me miss his attention when I was young, and I rarely see him because I started attending the academy when I entered middle school. The yearning to see him again made me realize how much I had fallen for him.

Then we bumped our shoulders, which earned a painful groan from both of us and elicited a quick ‘ouch, and we looked at each other. "Sorry, I mumbled, and he assured me it was fine, and I looked over to Baekhyun, then Angel.

She looked down to her feet, and from that moment on, I felt bad for Angel. She is my best friend, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. From the start, I knew how much feelings she harbored for Chanyeol even more than I do. What they had is something that I can’t penetrate my way through, but still, even if their relationship is no longer valid and I don’t like the way my best friend is clinging to her last bit of hope that they will come back together as a couple, it is something that I can just do for her and not hurt her anymore.

Then, after that, we simply walked away and looked at Angel. "Hey, are you still affected?" I asked Angel, and she nodded. "I just can’t believe that he just called it quits with no valid reason," Angel explained. I just tried to be there for her, console her on the spot, and assure her that everything would be fine, even if it cost me my feelings for him.

I should not be talking about him at all.

"No, I am not going to any stupid party, you dipshit." I told Baekhyun, and he continued to plead that he go with me to that year-end party for seniors, and I kept refusing. "And I am not a senior, so that means I am not invited!" and here I am still reasoning out with my brother why he should not bring me to a party filled with throwing questions here and there about which university they will be attending next year, and how can you just say that you are Baekhyun’s younger sister and you’re just a High School sophomore?

Baekhyun scoffed. "But you want to drink, am I right?" He offered. "Done and done!" Baekhyun agreed. After the incident one night, he refused to let me consume alcohol anymore, and here he was saying that the alcohol ban on me was lifted. But here he was, walking towards me and sitting on my bed.

"If you fear seeing Chanyeol, I think it’s the perfect time that you become honest with your feelings about him, even if there is nothing there; he deserves to know whether or not he accepts your feelings; it is something that you have let out of your system, and in that way, you have no regrets." Baekhyun spoke.

"Because what I want you to do is choose yourself; let your heart win this time."

"Now go and do your thing where you dress up for ten minutes even when it is not." Baekhyun joked and made me chuckle. One thing about Baek is that he has this force that makes me want to always be with him, the relationship between the both of us, and how it will always be the two of us.

He asked me to dress up and do my makeup. Now, what kind of girl could ever disagree with that? And even if I did not, I could not miss the opportunity to play dress-up.

The year-end party was taking place at Chanyeol’s place, and of course his having the most solid reputation known had urged him to do this, and the fact that we are here in the Upper West Side is like a crime for us aristocrats, but since we feel like we have some sort of entitlement over everything, it does not matter at all, and here my brother is ditching me again for the people he knows as if he does not go to school almost every day.

Then I looked around the place as I wonder that the place has not changed ever since, and I grabbed a mocktail that was being served, and I saw the huge flight of stairs and decided to do a bit of exploring around the house as if I have memorized every nook and cranny of this house, which actually I do, and as I have finally landed on the second floor, looking for someone that I have been looking for all night. However, my search was cut short when I heard someone talking along the dimly lit corridors of the house. "What do you mean you have fallen in love with someone else?" Some girl spoke.

"I liked her ever since the start; I needed to date you at that time," The guy answered.

"That is extremely unreasonable to call it quits with me two years ago with no valid reason, and my mistake was letting you get away with that, and now you claim that you have fallen for someone before you even met me. How far can you go with all your stupid excuses?" She yelled at Chanyeol, and I know who the girl was, and it was Angel.

"Because she’s aristocratic and I needed to let go of all my feelings for her, is that enough proof for you, Angel? Is that already valid for you?" He replied with pent-up frustration, and I saw Angel go teary-eyed. "That night when I said I love you and when you did not reply, did you even mean it when you said that you’ll grow affections for me so that you can return it?" Angel was getting desperate at this point, and she clutched Chanyeol’s chest, and he sighed, "I did mean it. Then she cut him off and kissed him.

"Please, mean it when you say that. I love you so much, still." And continued doing it right in front of me.

I clutched my chest, where my heart is located, as I watched them do it right in front of me as the session got heated. I decided to go back down where everyone was and wanted to escape right at that moment. I should be happy for Angel for finally earning his love back, but when she is already at the point where she is happy, it just comes down to me being the complete opposite, and I decided to escape here and just cry my heart out.

Chanyeol pushes her away. "I like Calista, Angel. I’m sorry." He apologized, and Angel looked at him with tears that were threatening to fall.

"You could like any girl, but why does it have to be my best friend?" Angel sobbed and covered her face with her palms.

"That is why you wanted to talk to me?" Angel asked.

"My intentions were pure, Angel. I told you that I liked someone else, and here you are feeding your delusions when I already told you the reason why I called it quits two years ago," Chanyeol reasoned.

Chanyeol recalled that time when Baekhyun told him that if he loved his sister that much, he should do what a man should and settle his issue with Angel, which he did because he respected them both, and before he proceeds with anything with Cali, he should do what he feels is right—to be brave enough to recognize his feelings and settle it with Angel, but the night turned out to be different than what should have been.

[payalandrene]

Serbia's bad rap is unfair!

In Europe Serbia has a bad rap thanks to Milosevic, the two wars in the 90ies, nationalism, corruption and the Mafia smuggling alcohol, cigarettes and other goods.

But our only complaint is that there were too many mosquitoes; it is a particularly bad year for them. Luckily we have Odomos creme from India; no environmental friendly citronella for us!

Otherwise people in every village waved at us, honked their horns in approval or spoke to us in German and English they knew. The high unemployment rate meant many men were drinking all day at bars and cafes. Young people 30 and under spoke excellent English, despite none having been in England; they insisted that they learned from series, music and videos! It seemed no matter how small the village, there was a hip cafe that was a magnet for young people.

This meant that we managed to have interesting conversations with many. And once Milos, with the coolest campsite directly on the Danube, introduced us to Google Translate's conversation function, René was talking to everyone!

People did not want to speak about war, not even the Bosnian farming family who decided to stay on their land. They only said it was a tough time and they were not sure what the right thing to do was at the time. The father and others, who were old enough to remember Tito, felt Yugoslavia was better than Serbia. The country was big and strong and Milos, our new friend with a campsite, said that the multi-culturalism, 7 ethnicities and one language was beautiful.

Younger people didn't experience that time, but they are disenchanted today and say that they are not voting for someone, but against someone. Over Rakija, a young man in a bar in Negotin near to the Bulgarian border said that you were either a waiter, salesperson in a shopping mall or worked in the factory in town. Options were limited, even if you managed to go to university.

Our hosts, whether at a campsite, asking a farmer if we can set our tent on their land, or in a guesthouse were true hosts doing it from their hearts. Mirko, a Serb who grew up in Austria and came to Serbia five years ago was interesting to speak with as he is in between two cultures. The dealings with the authorities drove him batty - his campsite is near to the Euro6 Velo route, but a shortcut is muddy and barely passable - he's bern waiting for improvements for years. It definitely was one of the worst sections we'd riden on; otherwise the roads in Serbia weren't so bad and the Euro6 Velo signage was very good.

We also made friends with Milos, an engineer who got fed up with Belgrade 25 years ago and bought land on the Danube. While his campsite was rather basic, his hospitality was out of this world- he was good at always making sure you had another beer and cooked amazing Serbian specialties. We spoke about politics (despite him not wanting to), love and life.

During the most beautiful stretch of the Donau, the iron mountain, we stayed at Camping Asin from Melania - she is a school teacher who took early retirement and created a peaceful campsite. Melania is an excellent cook making a 5 star breakfast for her guests and sharing info about the local culture and history. She had lovely guests; we met a Romanian-American family and Russian families living in Belgrade because they oppose the war in Russia. A woman, who had been a teacher in Russia, organised the trip for the families and organised many activities for the children. She was heartened that we applaud her courage.

In a small village we stumbled upon a woman who let rooms and stayed with her. She was a fashionable woman just shy of 70 who turned out to appear on cooking shows and programmes on Serbiab television highlighting Serbian traditionsand rural culture (Google Translate Conversation is a dream!). She offered us a tasty dinner and homemade desserts! If you are ever in Novi Sip, outside of Kladovo, do stay with her. With Serbian music playing in the background she told us about her daughters, one who is a physiotherapist and the other a vet, showed us clips of her on Serbian television and explained that she likes having guests to share Serbian culture.

Finally in Negotin, we stayed with Bojan and his family. He loves bicycles and has extended his home to let rooms and place permanent, large tents in the garden. He also serves a tasty breakfast in thr morning and can give you all the tips you need for your tour!

The people we met in Serbia are all ❤️ - we will be back!

[erigold13261]

Oooh! How about Teen!Tatiana and Gwen? (Whichever version of Gwen) or Teen!Neon J and Yu?

Oh I am fucking positive teen Tatiana and Gwen would have thrown hands, no matter which Gwen it is.

Teen Tatiana was a fucking asshole prick who was so damn angry at the world! Like she was so scared at coming out as trans as well as angry at not being brave enough to come out that she went into a kinda transphobic and misogynistic attitude for a bit.

Basically she was trying to act like her dad without realizing it, and once she realized she was acting like him she took a step back and actually worked on herself.

No matter what version of Gwen we are talking about, I see the two are fighting (especially if we are talking about out as trans Gwen, who teen Tatiana would very much be ruthless and hateful towards).

So teen Tatiana and Gwen are not getting along at all. Tatiana would probably have some respect for Gwen if Gwen could hold her own against Tatiana, but honestly I can see teen Tati kicking Gwen's ass (Gwen would get some good hits in, but teen Tati is winning this fight in a one-v-one). Definitely not getting along.

And on the other hand! Teen Neon and Yu would get along a lot I would think!

At least if you take into account the time difference of the two. Neon is definitely someone who used "outdated" language, but that is just because at the time of him being a teen it would have been the right words to use (which he would do his best not to if Yu was uncomfortable with some of those words).

But teen Neon was the person to gravitate to the "freaks" and "outcasts" kind of people. He stood up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves and fought for a world with justice and fairness.

I definitely think Yu and teen Neon would get along really well! Though perhaps teen Neon's affinity for drugs and alcohol would make Yu upset because Neon is not of age (and would absolutely be against drinking and driving which was something teen Neon did quite a lot until the accident he was in).

Neon would also be super impressed with Yu's powers, and would try to show off his own powers that are very weak at the time. Yu would keep encouraging Neon and honestly, I think Yu would remind Neon a bit of his own late brother with how supportive and kind he is.

Also, I just really like the idea of Yu introducing Neon to his little sister and the two braiding/playing with Neon's long hair (with Neon showing some cool hair tricks he has, like turning his hair into a knife or needle). Neon would absolutely love to be a make-shift guardian to Yuzu (trying to be an older sibling because he just loves kids and has always wanted to be a parent, so helping Yu take care of his sister is something Neon would adore to do!).

So yeah, teen Neon and Yu would get along really well except for a few moments where Neon would try to get high or drunk (which Yu would try to stop and even deny Neon if he offered Yu some).

Also small bonus. Teen Tatiana and teen Neon would absolutely fucking hate each other. Like the two would fight every second they are close to each other to the point that if someone doesn't step in they might try to kill each other.

ESPECIALLY if either of them find out personal information about each other. (Tatiana is not above telling Neon he's the reason his brother killed himself and Neon is all to willing to tell Tatiana she deserves every single beating from her dad). Very toxic, hostile, and impulsive teens together do not make the best combination.

Thankfully they grew up and can function together as adults (and could have possibly been a couple or at least SOMETHING if Neon wasn't a loyal man to an unloyal woman lol).

[icedmatchatae]

Glimpse of Us | KTH Chapter IX: Hear Me Out

Pairing: Problematic Idol Taehyung x Grad Student Reader

Genre: Idol AU, Ex-Childhood Best Friends into—, Angst (Hello, welcome to my angst central), Fluff (mainly in the flashbacks), Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

Summary: BTS’s V has been living a lavished and successful lifestyle, but underneath all of that, Kim Taehyung is far from the perfect image the media and fans made him out to be. All he wants is to relive the feelings of happiness and purpose in his life, but how can he when he left behind those memories years ago? The same memories, he hopes to see a glimpse of.

Warning: this was long for no reason lol, LOTS of crying in a one night, mentions of substance use and alcoholism, brief description of therapy, hints of depression and anxiety, the media is the absolute worse, mentions of panic attacks, a very emotional yet soft flashback, brief description of past infidelity (just want to hug oc :c), very brief mention of unexpected pregnancy (don't worry, it's none of them), insecurities on maintaining a relationship, Seojoon is back ayeee, verbal fighting

Word Count: 12.8k

Chapter IX: Hear Me Out || Series Masterlist

Settling down a glass of water and a plate of leftover homemade cookies in front of Taehyung, you both sat at your futon table, sitting across from one another. After you calmed him down, you knew he never wanted to be alone after an episode. You suggested bringing him home, but he refused and told you to not tell anyone what had happened. So ultimately, you brought him to your small apartment.

You still made sure that the unconscious men were still alive, and they all had pulses. The liquid that the first blacked-out men were on top of was soju. They probably would have forgotten what happened, so you escaped the premises holding a partially drunk Taehyung before someone caught you.

He muttered a thank you before drinking the water in one go and taking a cookie to help him sober up. Only the chewing and crunching from Taehyung cracked through the air as vocal silence was somewhat necessary after the events. 

While he did so and stared at the bitten treat, you played with your fingers as you eyed around your apartment. Though he didn’t mind, you were a bit embarrassed showing him where exactly you lived. Everywhere screamed skeptical and empty. You couldn’t help but compare it with his multi-billion won high-security house with a fucking nice backyard.

“Sorry if…uhh, my apartment’s not much.” You didn’t know why you had to apologize for your living situation. It wasn’t your fault.

Looking up from the baked good, he found you and your cheeks fairly pink while doing your habit. He fuddled while lifting a brow. “You don’t need to apologize. If anything, I should be thanking you for bringing me here.”

“But still…you’re not used to this type of lifestyle.” You shrugged awkwardly. “I don’t even have a couch.”

“___, I could care less if we used the floor as a table or you used your hands to scoop the water I’m drinking.”

You nodded, staying quiet. However, you grew more lax with his reassurance, even letting out a sigh of relief. You watched him pop the remnants of sweet before taking another one from the plate. He looked rather functional, but of course, still infused with alcohol. You didn’t really speak after you sang the song together. He merely followed you silently while you said short instructions.

“How are you feeling now?” You asked softly, a tinge of worry dipped into your asking.

He stopped the cookie mid-way from his mouth before closing it. He placed the dessert back down and sighed, “Thank you for saving me back there. Who knows what would have happened to me if you weren’t there.” He pushed the plate away from him. “You didn’t need to though, could have left me to suffer the consequences.”

“Please, no. Taehyung, you were having a panic attack.” You disagreed, couldn’t even imagine not helping. “I couldn’t leave you like that. I would have done that to anyone.”

To anyone…right. The idol hummed, taking in your statement. “Guess you helped me escape from the law, my lovely accomplice.” He quipped with a smirk. You rolled your eyes before a small grin crept on your face. “You should know you’re still one of the only people who knows how to calm me down like that.”

Your lips faltered in confusion. “Who’re the others?”

“My mom, grandma before, and Jimin.” He replied. “I forgot about the song. It’s the most effective for me.”

You smiled, recalling the first time you used it. It was hours before the middle school talent show. The only reason why you did it was to distract him. He needed to focus on his mind away from his rough breathing. It was on a whim, but it worked great and now the song always calmed him down whether he went through an episode or not.

His list was expected as they were the most important people in his life. However, it was shocking that a specific person you thought of wasn’t on the list. “Not even Clara?”

Taehyung snorted as if you said a joke, “Please she doesn’t know anything about calming someone down. All she cares about is her image.”

Well, that was completely out of nowhere, baffled by his reveal. He spoke on it so casually, yet it was like a blow to his relationship. You couldn’t help but be curious as to why he might have said that, but you chose not to ask as it was the least of your worries right now.

Ignoring his comment, you decided to ask other questions that came to mind while you were on the bus ride home. “Before tonight, when was the last time you went through an episode?”

Tilting his head to the side, he stared at the wall across as he went through the folders of his memories. “Like a full episode, probably last year. Short breaths from time to time, but nothing too serious like tonight.”

“Taehyung…” You frowned, scooting closer to him. You kept your palms on your thighs when you kept your stare on him. His expression remained blunt, almost as if these mini-episodes weren’t at all concerning.

“No worries, ___. They weren’t big. When they happen, the breathing exercises help.”

“Could I ask what caused your last one? Wait, how’d you get into that situation?” Some things weren’t adding up. You were getting more and more perplexed.

He paused for a moment, gazing into your irises. You kept a worried demeanor as you waited patiently. The warm light of your floor lamp in the corner shined onto a side of you, cascading soft shadows of your side profile on the wooden ground.

“If I tell you, then I’d have to tell you things that I’m not proud of.” He explained softly, almost frightened that you’d want nothing to do with him. “You might hate who I’ve become.” His eyes filled with sorrow as he could feel the tears welling up again.

You sucked in your lips as you contemplated a move. Before you even made a choice, you crawled next to him before making yourself comfortable and sat, feeling the warmth he radiated. You looked up at his puzzled face. Before he could question, you motioned him to come and patted his lap.

Though stunned at your forward behavior, his eyes softened. You smiled tenderly and nodded, indicating it was okay. You did your motions once more before he placed his head on your lap, laying his body on the ground. Once his head settled, your appendages caressed through his ebony tendrils to soothe him, repeating the action over and over again.

“Taehyung, I could never hate you.” Your voice was so delicate, but held the heaviest meanings that Taehyung heard in a long time. “Though I don’t know what’s going on with you, please know that your resilience grows every day, more than yesterday, less than tomorrow. You’ll get through it.” You nodded to yourself, deep into thought. “You overcame so many things; bike riding, lighting, stage fright, endless training, close to disbanding. You’ve become successful and loved by many, Taehyung. You reached your goals! I would assume you’d be happier.” You sounded so positive, like how you were when you were younger, his little hope. But the familiar light only shattered him, becoming overshadowed by his intrusive thoughts. Only he knew it wasn’t all true. 

With shaking lips, a cry escaped from his mouth not realizing that he was holding it in. You whispered caring nothings while you brushed your fingers into his scalp. His body pumping as his shoulders trembled as the sobs continued to fall. 

It was at that moment he realized that you were probably gonna find out the side of him he has been trying to hide from you. The side that grew when you were gone in his life, the tragic shit of his life. He didn’t want to tell you, but he knew he could never lie to you. He trusted you.

He will always trust you.

“You say I’m resilient when I’m not.” He began with denial oozing at the words “You may think that my life has been nothing but glamorous with expensive name brands, International celebrity connections, and being loved by millions, from all my “success”. That my happiness is from all of that.” He chuckled, yet there was no humor in his tone. He bit his lips, quietly attempting to stop his sorrows. “But it’s not, ___.” He stabilized his breathing, feeling pressure in his chest. “I haven’t been happy for a while, and…and I don’t know what happened. I don’t know at all.”

He turned his head up so that he saw your face. Your arm hooked around the side of his face, your forearm feeling against his supple yet worn-down cheeks. Your digits were still attached to his hair. Your eyes were crystal clear, shining at him with the worrisome expression you’d been carrying since he saw you tonight. Yet you were getting confused, “What do you mean?”

The waves of sadness, the trickling of despair in his voice, and the tiredness against the hallows of his eyes and cheeks remained evident in the idol as he revealed what he has been dealing with for the years apart. His increasing anxiety and depression, therapy, the band, the scandals and cover-ups, and hurting numbness to his feelings ultimately resulted in his battle with substances and alcoholism.

Though he mentioned the overcoming of drugs and being clean for a year, the feigned chuckle in his voice indicated no other improvement to all the other shit happening to him. He still felt ashamed of what had become of him. V of BTS, Kim Taehyung, your Taehyung, your Hyungie grew up in a reckless brain of disappointment behind all that fame, fortune, and success. The continuous pressure of being this inhumane super idol representative of his national country in the public eye when really he was a human man struggling to find himself and the joy that was once in his life.

Even instances where he almost ran into mayhem from his behavior. If his members, mainly Jimin and Jungkook, or his friends didn’t find him on time, the paparazzi would have arrived to mess up his reputation and possibly his life.

Through the pain seeping out his voice and the straining tears on his face, you could tell how much it was affecting him, giving a hard time to even say it out loud. You knew he hid something, but it was nothing that you expected. Yet you knew how much he feared, how much it hurt him, having the control of his life being taken away by something he loved doing. 

You kept silent, listening to his speaking while patting his hair. Your pants were soaked by his tears. At times, he had to pause for a moment to let out longer sobs when the feeling got too much. Once it seemed his story met the end, he sat up from your lap to stare into your eyes with his dull ones. “All this love and support, yet I still feel fucking empty!” He raised his voice out of nowhere, making you flinch. Noticing, he apologized quietly through his pupils. He spoke softly this time, “It’s all too much to handle, and adding onto everyone fucking keeping their eyes on me like I’m some zoo animal or puppet to attend to their needs. I just hate it.”

Stillness met around you much longer than anticipated because honestly, you didn’t know what to say to him. You didn’t want to say something he might not want to hear. He might have heard it before and it probably didn’t work. When in doubt, sometimes silence and listening would be the best thing to do.

“___?” He called your name out so timidly. You slightly nodded, telling him you were still here with him. “You think I’m a piece of shit, right?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at his accusation. “What? No, I don’t.”

“You’re lying.”

“Taehyung, I may have been harsh to you but I would never think of you like that.”

“Why not? There’s obviously something wrong with me.” He countered, not truly believing you. “All this shit is because of me.”

“No, nothing is wrong with you.” You fought back, shaking your head. “Things happened to you, Taehyung. You’re not what those events are.”

The idol kept his sodden eyes on you, hardening by the second. However, you too had your pupils focused on him, almost as if you were fighting to win yet your stare was much more gentle and empathetic. With that, it made him believe the authenticity of the words you were saying.

He softened his look and sniffed as he looked away to gaze over at your corner lamp. “You’re the only person who isn’t blaming me for my mess.” Turning his head back to you, he sighed “Whatever I do, I just feel like shit and get blamed. I feel lost and so tired of everything.”

“It’s okay to feel lost. You should give grace to yourself. I mean, you have been in the spotlight since you were young, so the pace is slower, unfortunately.”

“But how long am I gonna be like this?” He groaned in agony. Tears are physically drained out of him, but the redness pierced through his skin. “It’s been years!”

You thinned your lips and nodded, acknowledging his grief. “You should know I can’t answer that.” Though your answer wasn’t the best, it didn’t seem like he was bothered by it at all. “I know I’ll never be in your shoes and I will never know what’s going on in your head, but I do know how strong you are, Taehyung. You’ve always been, for yourself and others.” He remained quiet. But the dimming within the dark hues of his irises suddenly sparkled faintly.  “It sucks and frustrating, and all these annoying shits because people don’t always understand you. You’re kinda hard to crack at times. Maybe that’s why it’s taking longer than usual. But those who truly know the lengths you have to take to overcome this. They will help you understand what you need to bring the goodness and happiness out of you.”

“Will I ever be happy, ___?” He spoke ever so timidly like he desperately needed an answer. 

You leaned back, resting your palms on the hard wooden floor. “They always say good things will happen especially when you least expect it. It’ll come when the time is right.”

But you’re here now and you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

Taehyung had an exhaustive look within his gloom, taking in your words. It was true, not many people understood him especially personally. Even if they did, they’d argue his logic like he was wrong for that. So at that moment, he remembered how much you were the one true person that made him be seen. Exposed and vulnerable. You saw the real Kim Taehyung.

With that, you weren’t expecting the idol to crawl towards your form to wrap his long arms around you as he rested his head in the crook of your neck. His nose gently grazed your skin, letting you inhale sharply. Luckily, he was too deep into his thoughts so you placed your palm on his back before fully reciprocating back.

“Thank you.” The vibration of his voice moved through your goosebumps. “Thank you for your words, for saving me, for everything since you came back. Thank you for being here again, Blue.”

A subtle smile ghosted on your lips at the sound of the nickname, letting him get away with it only this time. “You don’t need to thank me. I’ll be honest when I say I hate it at times, but I’ll be on your side no matter what.”

“Really? Even when I fuck up? Or when the members are mad at me?”

“Well, yeah.” He parted away to look into your eyes. “I’ve known you longer than those around us. It’s your word against theirs; I would believe you than them.”

The way you explained yourself had Taehyung’s heart skipping in a fluttering rapid manner. You spoke so honestly, it said it all on your face too. The gentleness and reassurance he knew and loved.

“Of course, it doesn’t mean I agree with you. I’ll tell your shit with the back of my hand.” Though your words were hard, you continued that tendering tone with an empathetic smile that would make all living entities’ hearts melt. But the contrast made the idol let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head while you weren’t fazed at all. “I’m only being honest.”

“As you are,” Taehyung confirmed before biting his lip. He knew how late it was, but still rejected the thought of going back to his house…with Clara if she was back. He didn’t want the members or his friends to get roped into this because that would require him to explain what happened tonight. “Do you think I could sleep over here?”

You looked taken aback at his question, cocking your brow up. “Tonight? Here?” You asked, then he nodded confidently. “A-are you sure?”

“Please? After what happened…I don’t want anyone else to know and bug me.”

“But…” You had mixed feelings about his request. Sure, you had tons of sleepovers in the past but it was in the past. There were certain things to consider with your decision, and most of it had to do with your boundaries and your hesitancy despite your now willingness to fully accept him.

“Please?” He asked again, with so much vulnerability leaking out of that single word.

But after these recent events and the fact he revealed the darkness of his life update to you, all you wanted was for him to feel safe.

“Do you wanna shower too? I have a spare towel, but I need to dig for larger-sized clothes.” You got up from the floor and started heading down the hallway to your room. “I think I brought some of my grandfather’s pajamas by mistake.” Your voice echoed through your apartment.

Though you didn’t explicitly say yes, Taehyung knew the answer, making him grin like an idiot as he watched your form disappear into the hall. He then crawled up to follow you. It took him a couple of seconds to see where your bedroom was located as it was the only door that was wide open with the lights on.

Once he entered, he noticed that the only furniture there was a neatly made blue-sheeted bed and oak dresser. The surface of the dresser was filled with books, a jewelry box, empty cans of Coca-Cola, and various miscellaneous items.

You were living a very minimalist life, he thought. When the two of you were younger, you always decorated your room. You had a multitude of plush toys on your bed given by your grandparents, his parents, other neighbors, and him too. You liked to plaster pictures of family, him, and art, and posters of your favorite artists on your wall, and displayed your rock collection that remained in one corner of your room.

Nothing in this room screamed “you.” It felt very temporary like you weren’t belonging to this place.

Taehyung then turned away from looking to spot you digging through your closet. He heard you let out an “umph” before you sat back on the floor with a red sweater and a matching-colored pair of plaid pants.

“I was right! I did bring a box of his clothes on accident!” You smiled when you looked up at the idol standing. “They were supposed to be donations, but I grabbed them by mistake and just kept them.” You raised the clothes to him. 

The idol gladly took them into his hands and grinned. “You know your grandfather is a very tall man. I don’t know if I could even fit his clothes.”

“Nonsense, I think you’re as tall as him now. I mean it has been some time.” You got up from the floor and let out a sigh.

“How is he anyways? How has he been since your grandmother passed?”

They were harmless questions that Taehyung asked as simple curiosity and wanting to know how your family was doing. But those very questions made your smile drop into a sorrowful frown.

Taehyung stared at you questionably at the shift in your mood. It seemed like your brain was gearing up, trying to process what he said. He didn’t think it was anything bad but with the slight thinning of your lips with your nostrils flaring, he felt like he said something wrong.

But before he could even defend himself, you nodded casually as you put back a small grin. “Oh yeah, he’s fine. Same strong, gentle old man. Just been busy with the farm and everything. Just thinking about him working in his old age frustrates me, you know?” You were rambling, and it happens because of three things: you got nervous, angry, or you were hiding something.

Taehyung immediately knew the choices but didn’t speak further. It has been a rough night for him and probably for you now, so he didn’t want to add more stress. “He should retire soon, or pass the farm to you or someone else.”

“Yeah…” You sighed, already wanting to change the subject. “You should go shower. Towels inside the hallway closet and I have a spare toothbrush under the bathroom sink.”

The idol nodded, “Maybe, you should go first. It’s late, and a school night. You also have longer hair than me, so it’d take longer to dry.”

Completely forgetting that tomorrow you had a morning class, you mentally cursed yourself. It was close to one in the morning, and usually around this time, you’d still study but you didn’t have the mental capacity right now. You were exhausted and needed to get as much sleep as possible.

“Are you sure?” You asked.

“Of course, Blue. I don’t mind, you’re literally housing me.” He patted your head as you stared up at him.

Your eyebrows pinched before you formed a pout. “I told you to stop calling me Blue.”

“It’s a force of habit.” He shrugged before squeezing your cheek. “Do you know how hard it is for me to call you by your name?”

“It’s not as hard, you know. A normal person calls me by my name.”

“I don’t give a fuck if I’m not normal or not. Blue will forever be your name for me.”

Though you’d normally get angry or show some type of anger, you were forcing yourself to suppress a smile at what he said. A smile that he noticed, so he didn’t take it as seriously.

“Whatever, Taehyung.” You shook your head before gathering up your clothes to shower and change.

“That’s not my name for you.” He denied.

“I’m not saying it. I don’t want to.”

“Why not?” Now he was acting a bit playful, which you didn’t mind. “It’s Blue and Hyungie! Not ___ and Taehyung!”

“You can’t be serious. We had those nicknames when we were kids. We’re nearly in our thirties!”

“Does it look like I care if we’re almost thirty?” The idol reasoned once more. “You being Blue means so much to me. You, of all people, should know how much you mean to me.” He spoke gently when he explained himself, almost sensitive to this topic.

You didn’t know how to respond at that. Though you knew how much you cared about him, you didn’t know how much it was reciprocated back. You had partially low expectations now on how much importance you were towards Taehyung’s life.

So you honestly said, “No, I’m not sure about now…”

The devastation wasn’t enough to describe his expression. A bit of concern, a lot of worry, maybe even frustration. Whatever emotion there was, Taehyung felt worse, realizing the immense strain between you and him. You didn’t trust him, you didn’t know how much he cared and meant to you, it was almost as if every memory made was completely garbage to say the least. At least that was what he thought.

Before he could even say a sound, you quickly changed the subject. “I’m gonna go shower. Just make yourself comfortable.” You said in a rush as you collected some clothes and your towel hanging on the door knob.

Taehyung stood there dumbfounded and exhausted. There was too much to think about and all he wanted to do was not think. He just got to you, he shouldn’t be greedy with this. 

-

While you showered, there wasn’t much for Taehyung to do. You lived in a rather infinite yet empty apartment. He roamed around your place about five times, so he was sure he saw everything you owned here.

Well, almost everything.

He was back in your room, eyes scanning the dresser. Items were still in the same position as he first saw them, but now he had more scrutiny, specifically for your jewelry box. It caught his eyes the most; it was worn down, graphics and patterns faded over time, yet still managed to keep its shape.

He soon realized it was the one his family gave you during a Christmas of your childhood.

The campfire that Taehyung’s father, Jitae, made blazed brightly outside in the back of their house. You, your grandparents, and his family surrounded the fire, taking in the warmth while being covered in jackets and snuggled in thick blankets provided by his mother.

While his siblings, with the help of his grandmother and father, were making s’mores and roasted marshmallows, you and Taehyung shared a blanket and sat in a large woven chair as he wrapped his skinny limbs around you for extra warmth and comfort. It was a relaxing Christmas Eve, and both families wanted to celebrate together because the more, the merrier. The bond was always strong between each other so it was only fair to do so with one another.

“Would you kids like to open one present before Christmas?” Taehyung’s mom, Miseon, asked with a smile. She already had two gifts while your grandmother had the other two.

The obvious answer was saying yes with immense joy in our tones. So when the two women distributed the presents, greedy hands from the Kim siblings snatched them right away. You, on the other hand, looked at his mom curiously when she gave you one. 

“___, this is from us to you,” Miseon informed. “Gifts are never enough to show how much we truly love and care for you, dear. You’ve always been a great blessing to us.”

“HEY!” Sungyeon, the youngest of three, pouted. “That’s not fair!”

“Sungie, don’t be selfish.” Their mom scolded gently but her face showed all the strictness, which ultimately shut him up, and continued opening his toy. Then looked back at you with a more calmer and happier expression. “We hope you like it.”

Smiling, you proceeded to unbox your present. Unlike the others, the way you opened gifts was done in a very neat way. Peeling off the tapes on the sides, carefully slicing the wrapping paper, and sliding it off with precision.

Meanwhile, Taehyung shredded the paper.

You opened the lid which ultimately made you confused. You took it out and observed the outside of it. It was another box, yes, but it was light blue with gold accents around the surface, edges were also gold but felt like metal. The edges were sharp and crisped. Some of the gold engraved your initials on the top of the lid. It even smelled nice too.

You found the opening latch, which also had the option to put an additional lock on it. When you unlocked it, the top popped open surprising you in the process. Nevertheless, you were in awe. There were what appeared to be velvet containers and organizers within the box with a fairly decent mirror. But the thing that made you fall in love was the small ballerina pirouetting slowly as a toy box jingle of Swan Lake played.

“It’s a jewelry box,” Miseon explained to your confused ten-year-old self. “You can put your necklaces, rings, and bracelets in here for safekeeping. I know there’s that necklace your parents gave you and the bracelets you’ve been making.” You nodded as you unconsciously grabbed onto the flower pendant you still used and never took off. “You can put them in here, or any sentimental items you have.”

“Thank you, auntie! I love it.” You cheesed at the box. Anything they gave you, you always took it with pride and honor. Your grandparents watched with smiles as you touched and caressed your jewelry box. Taehyung even stopped to look at you and admire your gift, his present in his lap was long forgotten.

“You know ___, remember you can also call me mom.” Miseon reminded you. A while back, his parents asked permission from your grandparents if it was okay. Because you lost your parents at such a young age and the way you seamlessly meshed into their family, they both wanted to be there to support and love you as their own. Your grandparents were fine with it, knowing the trust that has been built through the years but it was only the matter if you’d accepted them.

“And call me dad.” Jitae chimed in as he sat on the edge next to you. You pursed your lips before nodding quietly, still not giving them a clear answer to their offer.

 “Why do you want ___ to call you that?” Sungyeon asked with a hit of jealousy. “You’re our mom and dad, not hers!”

Then Eunjeong slapped the back of her younger brother’s head, making him wince in pain. “You dummy, don’t be mean! ___ doesn’t have parents, that’s why!” She meant well, but all the adults and Taehyung gasped, knowing how sensitive you were about the mentioning of your parents.

Taehyung slithered his arms around you before pulling you back into his body before you could even react, “Both of you, be quiet! I told you not to talk about that! Blue is sensitive, you know!”

“Now children, calm down.” Your grandmother stepped in, wanting to ease the tension between the angered eldest and the now frightened younger two. “Be careful with your words because they can hurt others. ___ does have parents, they’re just not here anymore. She knows that. And second—”

“It’s okay, grandma.” You interrupted your grandmother, making everyone crane their heads at you. You finally spoke after being silent, feeling it was right to do so. “Yeah, I know my parents are gone…I still miss them.”

“Blue, it’s okay. Cry it out.” Taehyung cooed, tightening his grip on you but his coddling made you laugh and shake your head before parting away from him.

“Hyungie, I’m not sad about it as much.” You reassured. “Besides, I have a family here!” You opened your arms, showcasing to those around you. “I have my grandparents…siblings…a best friend…” You turned to face his parents, showing all the love you had for them in your eyes. “Parents?” You said it so softly but it was enough for both of his parents to have tears in their eyes.

You got up from the chair to stand in front of Miseon and looked up at her. “I have a mom, but…you can also be my mom too.” You craned your head over to Jitae. “And you can also be my dad too!”

Your reveal made his parents rush to hug you with a strong yet welcoming embrace. You were squished between the two but felt the love they emitted.

Though you barely had time with your actual parents, you still held and thought of them very highly. You remembered what they did with you, how much love they had for you, and giving you what you wanted and needed. But the memories were fading as you grew older, the distance between them and you, their faces were only shown in pictures. It was harder since they weren’t physically here anymore.

You were finally willing to bring them in, willing for them to be part of your life from now on.

Sungyeon was about to protest but Eunjeong nudged him to be quiet to not ruin the beautiful moment. 

Taehyung smiled at the innocent memory. You were always well loved by his family, his parents treating you as if you were their child and even taking care of you when your grandparents were busy. In some ways, his parents wanted you to be part of the Kim family.

His siblings seemed to love you more than they did with him, which never bothered Taehyung at all since he got to see that bright smile on your face.

Even after the falling, his parents or siblings would mention you from time to time, wondering if you were ever okay and doing well for yourself. They tried their best to contact you, but it seemed that you were incognito and keeping your distance. It hurt both ends, but at least they wanted the best for one another. You were also a memory for them since it’s been years since they last saw you or your grandparents.

Mindlessly, Taehyung opened the box which revealed pouches of earrings and necklaces and a row of rings. You know the typical items inside a jewelry box.

However, what caught his eye was a handmade craft he didn’t think he’d ever see again. 

It was your friendship bracelet, also worn down, whithering over time, yet still intact. Despite a few chips, scratches, bumps, and a little piece of your initial charm missing, everything was there! He couldn’t believe that you still kept yours all this time. He never thought about you keeping yours, he assumed it was gone forever. But this was incredible for him.

Especially knowing that he too kept his.

It was kept in a box filled with childhood memorabilia inside his closet including the pictures of you and him through the years. Gifts, notes, letters, everything that he could bring to Seoul. During his training days, while everyone was asleep, he would read them late at night when he felt himself missing you.

Which was every day.

But after your friendship was over, Taehyung hid all those physical memories from everyone including himself. Though feeling so guilty and ashamed of his explosive younger self, he knew deep down he didn’t have the heart to throw away the box of you. Just the thought of it was a complete absurdity. He refused to erase anything of you.

Even now.

He had a sudden urge to open the box immediately once he gets home, without Clara of course. If she didn’t know shit about you, then she definitely won’t know about that box.

-

After washing up and getting ready for bed, the two of you were in pajamas. Taehyung sat on your bed, scrolling away on his phone. You went back to your closet, retrieving some thicker blankets. He heard ruffling before looking up to watch you retrieve one of the pillows on your mattress. You didn’t think much about giving up your bed for him, so you were getting ready to leave the bedroom before he stopped you.

“What are you doing?” He questioned, getting off of the bed to stand.

You stopped your track, giving him a confusing expression. “What?”

“Where are you going with that?” He worryingly nodded toward what you were carrying.

“Uhh, going to the living to make my bed?”

“Wha—___! Don’t do that.”

“Why not? I need to sleep somewhere.” You weren’t affected by this decision, but Taehyung begged to differ.

“Yeah, that’s why there’s your bed right here.” He said matter-of-a-factly.

“You’re the guest, Taehyung. You need to be comfortable.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you sleeping outside of the bedroom.” He reasoned softly. “No offense, ___, but your living room looks lonely…”

You snorted, “I think you’ve mistaken lonely for poor.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“I’m teasing, Taehyung.” You rolled your eyes as you reassured him but he continued to look stooped and pouty. You decided to leave him be to walk your way to the living room. But before you can do so, Taehyung jogged up to you and took the blankets out of your hands. “It’s fine, I got th—wait, you’re going the wrong way!”

Carrying the fabrics, he settled them down on the bed. You followed behind and tried to get them back but he lightly pushed your face away. You were taken aback as you glared at him, having the urge to kick his shin but you held back.

“Don’t sleep in the living room. Stay here, I’ll sleep out there.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m gonna say no.” You ruthlessly shut him down.

“___!”

“No, Taehyung, you’re not sleeping out there. It’s rude for me to give you the floor, especially after your panic attack. I need you to feel cozy and secure.” You explained. “Do you still have trouble sleeping at night after an episode?”

“Y-yeah, but—”

“Exactly, so just take the bed. It’s already late, and I have class tomorrow. I don’t want to argue.”

Taehyung bit down on his lips, wanting to counter back. But he knew you were right. He always had trouble sleeping after his panic attacks. Even his doctor told him he needed to be as comfortable and relaxed as possible.

But the last time he felt that away after an episode was sleeping with Jimin, and the last other person to do that for him was you. And with you, it’s different.

“Fine, I’ll take the bed.” He ultimately gave in, which satisfied you. But then he said, “But if I need to be comfortable, then I don’t want you to stay in the living room. I’ll feel unsettled knowing you’re out there.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Why?”

“I just am! I feel bad too, you’re uncomfortable in your apartment.”

“I’m not, I actually sleep on the floor from time to time, intentionally and unintentionally because I pass out after studying.” You simply said, but you don’t seem to get his point.

“Don’t sleep in the living room then.” He pressed onto you.

“Then where am I going to sleep? The bathroom?”

“Here.”

“What do you mean here?” You further inquired, wary of what he meant.

“I mean here.” He pointed down, motioning to the room. “You can sleep on the bed with me too…” Your eyes bulged out of the sockets, making him realize what he said. “Come on, I didn’t mean it like that! Just sleep! Just sleep.”

“Taehyung…”

“You don’t need to sleep on the bed, it was just a suggestion. I swear! Want you to be comfortable too.” He defended himself. “If not, at least sleep here on the floor.”

“Do you think that I would be comfortable sleeping here? What if I’m not? Even after you said that.”

Taehyung’s mouth opened then closed, struggling to gather his words. He didn’t think about that, and now he felt like an asshole wanting what he said. “D-do you feel uncomfortable at what I said? I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention. Really, I—Good night then. Sorry again.”

“Don’t be sorry, Taehyung. I get what you mean, and I’m not uncomfortable.” You promised, lightly smiling. “I don’t mind but I didn’t want to suggest it.”

“How come?”

“Are you really going to ask me that?” You rolled your eyes, thinking he wasn’t being serious. But when he stared curiously at you, he didn’t understand what you meant.

Today was too long for you. However, though you were exhausted, your mind was wide awake, recapturing all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. That also included what went through your head while you were away from him.

You didn’t want to have this conversation yet, but maybe this will make him understand how you feel and your boundaries. That way you’d feel a little lighter and not have to worry about it from now on. “Taehyung.”

“Hmm.”

You wanted to be direct, and as clear as possible. “Were you really trying to kiss me?” More forward than that. “Actually, scratch that. Why were you going to kiss me?”

Okay, he didn’t expect that to come out of your mouth, especially now. Yet he knew exactly what you were talking about. The question now was what was he going to say? How was he going to respond?

He thought long and hard as you anticipated his answer. “Uhh, I don’t know.”

You blinked, “you don’t know?”

“I…I don’t know, ___, or at least I don’t know how to put it into words.” He shook his head at himself, gathering his feelings. “I guess I was… at the moment? Look, ___, being with you always made me feel right. It reminded me of how we were. I’d hold you, kiss your forehead, temple, cheek, anywhere really.”

“So you were wanting to be like old times?” You wondered, still puzzled.

“Kinda? Well, now you know the shit I’m in, so hanging out with you felt like going back in time when nothing was like this. I felt so alive, and safe. Like I wasn’t V, but Kim Taehyung.”

That still didn’t answer your question, especially when you wanted to say that he was going for your lips than your cheek or head. It didn’t matter as much right now because he said something else that sparked your interest. “Our past was innocent and young, we didn’t know anything! That’s why it was like that and unfortunately, Taehyung, we’re older. Our younger selves would have never known what was happening with us and between us. We can’t sink into the sand of our memories. That’s how people aren’t able to move on.”

“I know, but all I want is to feel happy again and the only times I truly felt it was when I was younger.” He sounded like he was begging, but you didn’t know to who.

“How do you suppose to do that then? You can’t go back in time and relive your prepubescent self.”

He chuckled lowly, “I can’t go back, but I can make new memories. Hopefully, they’re happier and less traumatizing.” 

“I do want you to have that too. Don’t think about happy memories, focus on happy experiences in the present.”

“Maybe, especially when you’re back.” He shrugged.

“Don’t say stuff like that.” You sighed, not wanting to hear that.

“I know, but knowing how you were in my past when I was enjoying life, helps to hope for those “joyful” experiences.”

You mumbled incoherent sounds before grabbing the blankets to prepare your makeshift futon next to the bed. Slumber was slowly getting to you and you wanted to mentally cry at the time—close to three in the morning and you had to wake up at six to get ready for your 8 AM class, then work. Yup, the day was nearing. Should you skip it? No, that would be a waste on your loans.

As you mentally prepared yourself for the morning, Taehyung got into the covers and cuddled with the single pillow he had for the night. His head could sleep without it.

He watched you place the layers of blankets down on the floor. As he did so, he recapped what you both discussed earlier. Now it was his turn to ask some questions, but he forgot to do something first.

“I’m sorry, ___.”

You finished the last layer before you turned, spotting him laying on his side holding a pillow. He too had the face of defeat, but yet he continued when you kept your silence.

“I’m sorry that I tried to kiss you. It wasn’t my intention to, I don’t know what came over me. Nonetheless, it still happened and it got you angry.” He explained, cautiously and neatly. “I also want you to know how much I value you and our relationship. I never want to hurt you. Even get you angry, but that always happens.” You nodded calmly, taking it all in. “I still want your friendship. I’ll do what it takes. Please don’t give up on us like that. I’m stupid, but I’ve been like that and I’m trying.”

Taehyung waited fearfully for your response. You appeared composed and unaffected, but that was probably because you were so tired to feel any rigorous emotions right now. You just wanted to go to bed, but you knew you needed to say something.

You closed your eyes and exhaled before peeling them open, “Taehyung…if I say yes, there need to be boundaries.” You finally replied.

His face scrunched at your request. “Like what? We’ve never had something like that before.”

“Well, it’s now. Don’t think about the past right now.” You shook your head. “We’re older, so there should be respectful walls between us.”

Taehyung nodded slowly, understanding your needs. “I’ll be respectful. I’m sorry again for trying to do that.”

“As long as it never happens again, and besides you have Clara, remember?” You mentioned, putting a distasteful expression on him. “You don’t wanna ruin your relationship over someone like me. Don’t wanna follow that same route again.”

Your words piqued his interest, “Again? What do you mean again?”

Fuck, you slipped that out so casually, exposing yourself in front of him like that. “Huh, oh, nothing. I…yeah, nothing.”

“___, it doesn’t sound like nothing,” Taehyung said, maneuvering himself to get a good look at you. He rested his elbows on the mattress, cupping his cheeks. He observed your avoidance, eyes roaming everywhere else instead of him. “___, what happened?” He had to think again. “If you’re uncomfortable, you don’t need to tell me. I’m sorry if I’m overstepping.”

You sighed, shaking your head. You finally gazed at him, his stare so attentive towards you. “You’re not overstepping…it’s just…I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Try your best. Say it ugly if you have to.”

“When you tried to kiss me or something, I got triggered.” You tried to find the words, biting your lips as you thought about how to approach this. “I was…scarred in the past.”

Furrowing his eyebrows together, Taehyung questioned. “What do you mean? What happened? Were you okay?”

“It’s done and over, but it still makes me unsettled.” You explained. Taehyung waited patiently for you to continue. Though he stared in silence, his aura encouraged you to be vulnerable in front of him…like the old times when he made you feel safe and sound as you used to tell him everything.

Well, not everything.

“It was back in undergrad, but uhhh, when I was a freshman, I dated an upperclassman.” You exposed yourself. This was something you hated thinking and talking about, but it was also something that needed to be clear and said, especially to Taehyung.

You dated someone?? That surprised him. Not saying he never expected you to date, it just surprised him that you actually dated someone. He had so many questions—who was he? What did he look like? What was he like? Did he ever savor your glory? Did he ever laugh the way he did? Was he ever part of your story, one that Taehyung gave up on long ago? Did he fill in his part?

Then again, you said you were scarred, so that fueled some fire within him, getting irrationally upset about this unknown dude. 

But he stopped himself and asked, “Wait, you did?”

You nodded calmly as opposed to his shocked yet steady demeanor. “He was a TA for a class. I asked for help, and it happened. He was sweet, nice to me, and brought me flowers a couple of times. Guess you can say he was my first boyfriend, well, a lot of my firsts…”

Taehyung frowned, his mouth curling down deeply. There were visions in his head he wanted to push away. “So what happened?”

“What he didn’t tell me was that he had a girlfriend.”

“Wait, so he cheated on you?!”

“No, he cheated on her with me.” You said flatly, but your heart squeezed from the visceral memory. You breathed in and out carefully, hoping you weren’t going to cry over something stupid years ago. You shouldn’t cry over that man. “I was the other woman, yet I did not know of it for like almost an entire year. No one even told me, so who knows if others knew this whole time.” Your fists clenched as you pulled your legs to your chest. “Eventually, she and I found out but she put all the blame on me and spread a rumor around campus that I was a home wrecker. They broke up, but I guess my reputation got destroyed. Or even worsen? I didn’t have any true friends even before that. Civil roommates, but that was it. Everyone knew me as the home wrecker so…”

You were also tired of crying about that horrific past, yet it still haunted you. When it happened, it felt like everything was your fault. What was worse was that you had no support system anymore. Everything you did, through college and other hardships, you felt incredibly alone and lonely. Those years truly felt the lowest for you.

The tears escaped without your permission, but you didn’t bother wiping them away because if you did, you’d acknowledge you were crying. But Taehyung wasn’t going to lay there and do nothing, so he scooted off the bed and sat next to your makeshift futon. He pulled you into him as you sniffled and the streams continued down your cheeks, also staining his shirt. He rubbed your back and wiped the tears for you.

“Taehyung, I promise this isn’t meant to guilt you but I wished you were still there for me.” Your lips quivered, breaking both of your hearts at your sad confession. “Everyone hated me. It was so hard without my best friend.”

Yet Taehyung felt the guilt eating him alive. He left you alone, with no one by your side to protect you. He wished he could cry because seeing you in this state would leave him sobbing like a baby, but it seemed the tears and overwhelming events restrained him from doing so. He hated seeing his Blue sad.

“I’m so sorry again. I still feel like shit about what happened.” He said, holding you tighter in his arms.

“It’s whatever already.” You sniffed, letting it go as it was the least of your concerns at this point. You quietly apologized for ruining his sleepwear, but he didn’t care. “It did hurt, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

He did have his reasons, but it wasn’t the time to say so he nodded. “That’s horrible though, what you experienced. I’m sorry you had to go through with that.”

“I was a stupid teenager who didn’t know any better,” You reasoned. “I think I was too focused on the fact that someone actually liked and wanted to be with me. It was like a miracle.” You lightly joked at the end, but Taehyung took it seriously.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Taehyung, I wasn’t necessarily a catch, even back in Geochang.” You told him. “I mean my first kiss was even made into a joke. In general, I never had someone who truly loved me in that sense.” He stayed silent as he looked at your reddened face. You didn’t bother to notice his expression directed at you, as you went on. “When I was with him, it felt exciting at first. Only now I realized how much I kept saying yes to him because I thought he loved me and I didn’t want to make him upset.”

“Why?”

Your teary eyes met his hardened ones before you simply answered, “If I made him upset, then he’d leave me.”

The air grew slightly thick from your response. It was unintentional, yet intentional. You’ve said so much, yet so little. Taehyung realized now that there was much more you haven’t spoken about the in-between gap. While he spoke up, you chose to stay silent. Yet everything that has happened without him, like this experience, made a clear effect on you, and somehow also bit him in the ass.

He wanted to stir the conversation slightly, otherwise, the night will become light in no time. “You were still in Geochang, right?” You nodded tiredly. “Who was this fucking son of a bitch? Do you remember his name?”

“Kim Minjae.”

“Wait, I know that fucker. We were on the same soccer team. I’m gonna find him and bea—”

His response made you chuckle softly, patting his head in delight. Your smile eased his temper, despite biting his tongue. “Taehyung, it’s okay. You don’t need to do that because he got a teacher pregnant and is now working as a fisherman to pay his child support. I think he knows what he’s done.” The universe was on your side this time. You also remembered being flabbergasted but lowkey satisfied when that drama spread from the college to the entire town of Geochang. It was not pretty at all, but it got your name out of everyone’s mouth.

“Still, you were all alone and you went through that unnecessary shit.”

“Yes, but I overcame it. Well, not really. You just saw me cry over something that happened when I was 18. But my skin and heart are tougher, harder to break through.”

“Nah, I could poke you and know that you’re the biggest softie I know.” He cooed, causing you to roll your eyes but grin lightly. 

“Anyways, I’m saying this because though we were friends again, we shouldn’t be so affectionate with each other.” You revealed. Though his touch comforted you, you pulled and moved away from him, giving some space in between.

But Taehyung appeared insulted and hurt. “Why? That’s how we always were.”

“Yes, but I’m sure no one else would understand.” You countered, scratching your neck. “Your members, friends, Clara, might get the wrong idea, and…I don’t wanna end up in that position again. Even though nothing’s happening between us and I’m sure your actions mean well, but for my sake. I-I’m scared.”

Was it asking for a lot? Maybe. But you needed to get it out of you. This may be a sudden realization as to why you weren’t as sure about bringing Taehyung back into your life. You’ve seen those articles and comments media and some fans put out for the world to see. People misinterpreted things all the time, or worse, warped them as bait to cause drama.

Though Taehyung understood what you meant, that didn’t mean he liked hearing it. He always took pride in your bond with him, something that no one ever quite understood and instead led to various assumptions. Yet most of the time didn’t bother to care and went along with your day.

Boundaries were never discussed, but that was only because they never existed between the two of you! Although if the memories weren’t mistaken, oftentimes, there were restrictions. 

But this was slightly new territory for you and Taehyung. A rather comfortably uncomfortable situation. Nevertheless, it needed to happen to make this work for your strained relationship.

Taehyung sighed before nodding in agreement, “Okay, for you. But can I at least hug you?”

“Sure.” You shrugged. “Friends hug.”

“How about sleeping on the bed?”

“Taehyung, that’s pushing it.” You said sternly, suppressing the light grin on your face. Taehyung always did reason with you.

“Hey, I slept on the bed with my members and friends!” He argued back. “We even cuddled with each other.”

“Taehyung, I’m serious.” You groaned, raising your voice.

Taehyung laughed a hefty one out loud, almost sounding forced which frightened your irritable and tired state. You stared with eyes wide bewildering.  “I’m sorry, but I’m getting tired of you calling me Taehyung.” He brought this up once again.

You raised an eyebrow and said, “It’s your name!” Seriously, why was he taking this so seriously? It was getting quite bothersome.

“But you call me Hyungie.” Taehyung sounded as if he was correcting you condescendingly. You were about to throw tired hands, but he continued. “And you’re my Blue. Look I know I keep bringing this up and you’re probably annoyed, but it shows the importance to me. You’re important to me! More than you know, and not doing it creates distance from us, which makes it so weird. I’ll try but I’m not used to it. I know you don’t trust me either, hell, I don’t trust me either but please have faith in me. Compromise with me!”

“Taehyung, we talked about this. I-I’m not ready for that, please understand. Little by little.” You wanted this to be over, at least for the night. It was late and you needed to get up early. “I’m trying, okay? I want to trust you, but again, there needs to be boundaries. I’m not doing this as a punishment.”

“But—”

“If it must happen, fucking just call me Blue. But I won’t call it back. No, absolutely not. I can’t.” You stood your stance, shaking your head. It was too much for you. “That’s my compromise and that’s final.”

The draining stare you offered him with no budge had him fear you slightly. You were always a scary one especially when you get upset with him. It was rare, well before, but it triggered him to stop his whining and give in to what you voiced out. It had to do for now…

“Okay, that’s fine…” He sighed as he dramatically turned his head to the side to stare at your dresser, pouting like a child. He wasn’t completely satisfied, but this was what he could get. Yet the faint grin plastered on lets him side-eye you in glee. “…Blue.”

You rolled your eyes once more before pushing him off your futon. He laughed as he crawled back into bed. “Okay, that’s settled so let’s go to sleep. I’m tired, I have to wake up early.”

“Are you sure about sleeping on the floor? The other side of the bed sure feels—”

“Taehyung, for the last time and I’m not fucking repeating myself, I’ll be fine sleeping down here. Take all the bed space or don’t, I don’t give a rat’s ass right now.” You snapped back, throwing whatever he had to “convince” you out the window. “Good night, okay? If you still have trouble sleeping, you can have my pillow too.” You grabbed your cushion and handed it to him.

“No, thank you. I need you to be comfy too.” Taehyung quickly denied it before getting into his sheets and hugging his pillow. “This is more than enough. Thank you for everything again. Thank you for opening up to me too.”

“You’re welcome.” You yawned widely as you scratched your head. “No problem with that…It was nice letting it out. Haven’t talked about that in a while. Hope tonight wasn’t that intense for you.”

“I’ve had worse nights.” He said lightly. “But man, Blue, no offense you probably have bad taste men.” He joked; the playful gleam sparked through his reddened eyes as he finally laid his back on the mattress.

“Don’t even talk about that.” You groaned, knowing he was probably right. You too laid down and were about to go to bed. “Don’t make fun of me right now, I’m sensitive.”

“Okay, I won’t. I promise.” He grinned, yet you stuck your tongue out to him. “Again, I’m sorry you had a bad first love.”

Now it was your turn to laugh forcibly to which Taehyung grew confused. “Luckily for me, he wasn’t my first love, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t be caught dead with that assumption.” You scoffed as you closed your eyes. Sleep came sooner than imagined that you didn’t realize what you said, too drowsy to notice.

Suddenly Taehyung was energized again, curious about your statement. “Really? But you said you had so many firsts with him.”

“Dates, relationship, sex, heartbreak,” You mumbled languidly, listing while pondering the thought. “First love wasn’t on the list.”

“Then you had a first love?” He questioned.

You only let a groggy noise, but it confirmed his inquiry.

“T-then who was your first love?” For an odd reason, Taehyung felt nervous asking this. Despite being best friends, the two of you never discussed each other’s love lives. Well, there wasn’t any on both sides, to begin with. He knew about your first kiss before and first boyfriend just now, but never knew anything about this. Maybe it was someone within the ten years apart? But you would have mentioned it, right?

Judging by the timeline of this boyfriend, it was when you first entered college so you were still young and most likely eighteen. That could mean your first love was way before then. If he analyzed his thoughts deeply and if the timeline was correct, you might have loved someone when he was still around.

Then the question now was who?

But no answer came from the other end.

When he turned his head, he found you knocked out spreading arms with long strands all over your face. He figured how tired you were, having done physical, emotional, and mental labor through the whole day so he lets it be.

His hand reached out to push back your hair away from your face, revealing your soft and relaxed expression. Your nose scrunched at the touch, but back to its resting state. He watched your chest rise slowly, lips slightly apart with the low sounds of your snoring escaping your mouth. Yeah, you were definitely gone.

He grinned to himself before saying, “Good night, Blue.” His back ultimately pressed down to the fabric as closed his eyes. Once shut, he realized how badly he too needed to rest.

Despite that, the question remained in his head and led to his dreams.

-

Though rushing this morning, you carefully placed the delicious breakfast plate on the kitchen counter. You woke up a little earlier than usual so you could rush down to the nearest convenience store to get some breakfast for yourself and the sleeping Taehyung.

Well, more so for him. A protein shake and breakfast bar usually sufficed for you. After an intensive night, you assumed he needed some sort of joy in the morning, and what better way than to cook him chocolate chip waffles and cut strawberries on the side?

You never cooked this much even for yourself, but you weren’t complaining. You thought of this as a warming gesture and an apology for leaving him alone in your apartment. Which by the way, you were about to miss your bus ride if you didn’t leave within the next ten minutes.

You placed a metal food net over the dish, then wrote a little note for him and placed it under the cover. You went back to your bedroom to retrieve your backpack and textbook but also noticed Taehyung sprawled out like a starfish on your bed. He held a pillow to his side while the other one was under his head and was placed by you when you woke up. You also added another layered blanket for him. You spotted his signature pout resting on him with his curled strands falling on his forehead.

The sight of his slumber had you smile pleasantly, relieved that he slept soundly and comfortably the night through. Granted, a little over four hours have passed since the two of you snoozed away but you still considered it a win.

He’ll manage around your living spaces without you and would most likely leave an hour or two after. You didn’t have much to entertain him here. You also won’t come back until late in the nighttime after your shift anyway, so who knows when will be the next time you’ll see each other?

But you hoped that it wouldn’t be as long as before.

-

Taehyung woke up in an empty apartment. Your makeshift futon had been folded and tucked in the corner near the closet. This morning was rather cold. He noticed one of the blankets you used on top of him and your pillow under his head. You did all of that without even waking him; though he was too deep in sleep to even hear you.

Once he brushed his teeth and splashed his face with some cold water, he walked towards the kitchen. Sunlight peaked through your window and reflected over the whiteness of your walls and somewhat empty apartment.

As he scoured around, he finally spotted a metal cover on the kitchen counter. He went over to pull it up, revealing the waffles with melted whipped cream and strawberries. Immediately, his mouth watered at the sight. He didn’t know how long it had been out, but he didn’t care any less. It was close to noon and he needed something to eat.

He then saw a note next to the plate. Picking it up, he read—“Sorry for leaving you here alone! I didn’t want to wake you. I have early classes and then I’m going to work. I won’t see you today (unless you stop by at the shop). Please enjoy your breakfast and I’ll see you soon! :) P.S. Feel better too <3<3!”

A smile crept up on his face, chest warming up at your kind gesture. He appreciated that in you. You probably had a busy morning, which surprised him that you had the time to make this.

Nonetheless, he devoured his breakfast, a little cold and mushy but the taste surpassed expectations. While he savored the last of the sliced fruit, he noticed all these unread messages, missed calls, and voicemails from Clara. He grimaced deeply. All her messages were repeated lines of “Where tf are you?” “Why aren’t you picking up?” “Who are you with? Seojoon oppa??” “I called Seojoon oppa and he says you’re not with him. Tae, where are you?!?!? And who??” “You shouldn’t have gone without me knowing!” and “Tae, I swear to God if you don’t pick up, I’m calling the police.” The last one typically held no threat because he knew she threw that in a bunch of that through the years. 

He didn’t even bother going through voicemails because they’ll be repetitive and hearing her whining voice was not something he wanted to hear. Everything was so peaceful and relaxed for him up until now. Ugh, he was frustrated, his mood ruined by her constant bickering and overpowering control.

Right there, he decided to ignore it all. Knowing her, she was either working or probably at their shared house waiting viciously for him to come back home. Thus the idol decided to not go home and headed over to Seojoon’s.

The younger man knew his older friend had a day off—his Wooga Squad had a shared calendar to know their schedules. What better way to spend his day than to bother Seojoon.

-

“Bro, where the fuck were you last night?” Seojoon questioned as he plotted on his couch with Taehyung spread comfortably on the side of him, both had strawberry and banana smoothies on hand provided by the idol. “Clara called me like five times in panic wondering where you were.”

Taehyung sipped on his drink quietly and casually before rolling his eyes. “It seems she always runs to you when she needs help trying to find me.”

Seojoon kept a glare at his friend, shaking his head. “Duh, because you fucking disappear like Houdini.” He gulped his smoothie before proceeding. “Also I guess she’s more comfortable with me than the others.” He referred to Wooshik, Hyungsik, Sunghwan, and Joohyuk.

The idol eyed his friend, hardening his bothered stare. “Right…she’s not as close with them, I guess.”

“So are you gonna tell me where you went?” The actor settled his drink on the coaster on his coffee table. “How about this? Did anyone else know where you were?”

Taehyung bit his lip, contemplating if he should tell him. His panic attacks weren’t a secret. He was open enough to tell his friends about his experience episodes but none of them ever were there to see it happening. But the idol might as well tell it, right?  

“Yeah, I was with ___ last night.”

Seojoon cocked an eyebrow as a wave of questions flooded his brain. But he only asked, “What happened?” He didn’t want to say beyond what he thought.

“Well, we made up.” Taehyung leaned forward, hunched over as he looked at his smoothie. “Uhh, there was more to it.”

“How so?”

“Last night, I got, uh, hammered.” The idol began. “To the point where I got into a fight.”

“Oh my God, Taehyung! Are you okay?” Concern washed Seojoon’s face as he scanned through his friend’s features, then he saw the bruising of his knuckles. “You don’t look too bad, but still. You broke your streak, you were doing so well. How did it happen?”

“Same thing on how most of my fights happen,” Taehyung huffed.

“What led you to that then?”

“I don’t know…I was really sad and hurt, and I hated what was happening with me and ___.”

“But you said you made up.”

“Yeah, after she found me knocking three dudes down, then I threw up and had a fucking panic attack.” The younger man sighed, using his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “It was the worse one yet.”

“Oh, Tae.” Seojoon’s voice softened. “Did you manage?”

“More than manage because she was able to help me get back down.” The idol also settled his drink down before meeting his friend’s eyes. “I was still scared, so I didn’t wanna go back home and asked her if I could stay the night.”

Seojoon nodded softly, going into deep thought. “Anything else?”

“I told ___ about my shitty life, literally everything.” Well, almost everything. “If I wanted her to still be in my life, I didn’t want to hide that part, or whole, of me. ”

“How’d she take it?”

“Pretty well, I guess. She opened up to me too.”

“Well, that’s good…” The actor did his best by being supportive, but he was also a worried friend. “Did you tell Clara this? She’s probably worried sick.”

“No,” He scoffed. “Pissed me off with all her calls and text.”

“Taehyung, you know she’s concerned for you. Even if she’s gonna be more in distress when you tell her about your panic attack, she’ll understand.” Seojoon reasoned.

“No, she won’t.” Taehyung disagreed. “Because all she’ll ask was where I was, and if I tell her I was with ___, she’s gonna flip shit. She can’t even handle my panic attacks, so in my head, it’s like what’s the point?”

“Why are you making this difficult?” The older man complained yet it was said in a collected way that Taehyung never deflected on yet.

“Because she’s difficult and will never understand my perspective.” 

“Aren’t couples supposed to have good communication? What’s wrong?”

His relationship never had the greatest communication, he couldn’t lie about that. But for the past year, it has gotten worse despite the somewhat progress Taehyung achieved. Her presence was getting too much for him. It overwhelmed all aspects of his being. He never felt like he had a rest from it. Something always happened and either side, mainly him, got drained.

He needed to get away.

Suddenly Taehyung had an idea, disregarding Seojoon’s question. “Hyung, can I ask you a favor or two?”

-

“So you never bothered to answer my calls, had me anxious, then you fucking come home after disappearing for almost an entire day with no clear explanation, and now you’re telling me this?”

Taehyung’s jaw clenched, pushing down what he wanted to yell as he continued to pack his luggage. “Fine, you want an explanation—I had a panic attack and I didn’t want to be home, so I rested at Seojoon’s house.”

Clara’s anger diminished went she heard those words. She started looking at him pitifully, which Taehyung never wanted from her. “Oh, Ta—”

“Save it.” He interrupted as he finished packing his clothes. “While being away, I realized that I need space.”

“W-what do you mean?”

He breathed out annoyed as he threw back his head to calm himself. “When I have panic attacks, you don’t know how to deal with them or even help me properly. You just fucking leave while I’m over there alone.”

“W-w-well, I want to but you told me to just leave you alone!” Clara tried to defend herself.

“Because saying the words ‘calm down’ and ‘relax’ to a distressed and anxious person is not helpful. Better to be alone than to hear that crap.” Taehyung responded as he left the bedroom to grab his beauty products from the bathroom, but not without Clara following his tail. “Besides the point, I realized something or I’ve been realizing.”

“What?”

“I know I’m not the best communicator, but I’m getting sick and tired of you breathing down my neck. If I don’t even talk to you for like an hour, I get hit with two hundred calls from you. You were never one to be needy. Why now?” His voice was stable and direct like he had practiced. He grabbed his items, then went back to the room.

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?” Clara scoffed as she walked behind him.

“Well, it feels like it.” He muttered as he put his products into pouches. “I can’t do anything without you watching my every move. I feel like I can’t be me right now, especially in my home.”

“So what then? Is that all that you’re going to say?”

“No, like I said I need space, which is why I need time away from you.” Once he had everything, he zipped up his luggage and pulled it to stand up. “I’m going to stay with Seojoon Hyung for a while. I need this.”

He then remembered something. He rushed to his closet and rummaged through his clothes and shoes before discovering his box filled with old memories. He quickly uncovered the lid and searched through many memorabilia including the pictures of the members and you. Finally, he found what he was looking for—his friendship bracelet.

Old, scruffed, but surprisingly, in pretty good condition where Taehyung puts in on and admired the handmade accessory for a while before he took a couple of childhood pictures of you and him for the road. He sneaked them in his pants pocket, then went back to his baggage.

Meanwhile, Clara was too busy with her feelings and thoughts to even question what Taehyung was doing. “Are you breaking up with me?” She asked in a whisper. “Please don’t. We can make this work. We—”

“No, I didn’t say that. I said I needed space. I wanna be by myself.”

“But you’re with Seojoon Oppa.”

“He has his own things to do, so I won’t even know he’s there,” Taehyung responded as they headed towards the hallway into the living room to get to the front door. “Remember a couple of sessions ago when my therapist told me to try and be alone since I get overwhelmed by the slightest of things?” She nodded. “Well, I want that right now. This is all too much for me. I’m not at my limit, but it’s getting there.”

Clara pursed her mouth. They both knew she didn’t like this one bit. She finally had Taehyung around, enjoying his presence and it was being taken away from her by the same man. But if this needed to happen to make this work, then so be it.

“If that’s what you need, then I’ll give it to you.” The socialite willingly accepted. Of course, either way, Taehyung was still going to do it. “But at least call me while you’re away.”

“Clara…” They reached the front door, now facing each other. One looked desperate while another looked depleted.

“Or at least text me! A simple good morning and a good night is fine too!” She pouted, still wanting a smidge of contact with her boyfriend.

Taehyung exhaled. Now he was taking pity on her, but in this case, she liked it. “Okay, fine. Good morning and good night. No more, no less. I’ll be okay and safe. If anything, call Seojoon if you need more updates.” He patted her head gently, staring blankly.

“I’ll miss you.”

“…Miss you too.”

“I love you, okay?” She tippy-toed to kiss him on the lips before hugging him tightly.

Taehyung reluctantly reciprocated it back, embracing his girlfriend for the last time in a while, “Okay, love you too.”

Tagged: @manuosorioh @kaal-ee @stfxthv @dahliasbouqet @bertqut1 @fuckthinking @taebangtanbabe @tan-veee @calmoistorm @militaryvvife @ellesalazar

[bruhstories]

unrequited love

summary: you're an absolute idiot and he's blind pairing: porco galliard x fem!reader (modern AU) warnings & content: pure unfiltered fluff, some angst, swearing, alcohol word count: ~6k

a/n: i absolutely have no words for how sad this fic can become at some point. and no, i did not bother editing it || @sasha-geyo

“Hi, welcome to Titanic Coffees, I’m Y/N, what can I get you?” Your voice is a mix of bored and exhausted, your gestures resembling a zombie that just can’t be bothered to function today.

“You hiring?”

The very familiar voice has you lift your eyes from the register to the man in front of you, and his presence brings a smile to your face, something you haven’t done since your shift started.

“Pokko! Why the fuck would you want to torture yourself here? I think I’ve complained enough about how bad this job is.”

“Inflation, babe. My rent’s gone up.”

“That’s fucked up and you should sue them.”

“Already asked Mikasa about this and I can’t. Fixed contract. I’m just gonna have to put up with your shit here.”

Oh, Porco. You knew him since you were, what? Two years old? You’re pretty sure he was still wearing a diaper when you met him, and practically grew up with him. He was your best friend, your cornerstone, the foundation of your house and all kinds of metaphors and similes that describe just how much he means to you.

And the feeling is mutual — Porco would absolutely murder for you (or just use you as an excuse to throw hands), he’s been your shoulder to cry on when you had your heart broken, he was there to pick you up when you’ve been stood up, and let’s not forget that one time he sent Floch to the hospital just because he looked at you the wrong way.

You two were inseparable — same primary school, same high school, same college, and, same university, but different degrees. For someone who’s a complete dumbass, Porco studied arts — “for the tits-” “NOT FOR THE TITS, Y/N!” — and you’ve finished a nice little major in fine art and film. Which, naturally, would end up in both of you being homeless if not for him being an apprentice in a tattoo parlour, and you working in this shitty coffee shop.

If anyone didn’t know the two of you, they’d be thinking you’ve been married for at least three years, that’s how domestic you were. Sure, neither of you wasted any time insulting the other, that was just your love language, but the way he held you while watching movies, or how he’d take care of you when you were sick, or how eager you were to cook his favourite food whenever he hung out at your place was visible proof to any stranger that you were in a relationship. But to your friends, nobody questioned your behaviour, because that’s how everyone else in the group treated you, right? Except, Eren doesn’t seem too concerned when you’re sick, and Jean doesn’t hold you in his arms, and Armin doesn’t stop by your workplace to make sure you’ve had enough food.

You’ve always brushed this behaviour off as just growing up together and being very close, so naturally, when he gets the job at the coffee shop, you’re excited to work with him. The shop is already understaffed, and having an extra hand would help, plus it’s your best friend working with you, not a stranger, and so it’s going to make everything a lot more comfortable, both for you and for him, right? There’s nothing that can go wrong.

*

Sasha’s the first to notice. It took her about 20 years, but she notices. She knows you and Connie better than she knows herself, and when she stops at the coffee shop and sees you smiling like an idiot, she knows. But she doesn’t say anything. Then Armin puts two and two together, by accident, when he calls you to ask for advice in his relationship with Annie and hears you laughing so hard at what seemed to be Porco tickling you at the other end of the line.

“Sorry, I know you’re serious, ‘Min, but do you mind if I get back to you later?”

And so, one by one, every single person that is friends with either your or Porco starts to see just how obviously in love you are with one another — everyone, butyou two.

What you dobegin to notice is how frequent your friends begin to show up at the coffee shop, like they’re coming to a goddamn museum, because why the fuck won’t they stop staring at you and Porco? You bring their orders (on the house, your manager doesn’t give a shit) and slightly bend over the table, hand gripping the wooden edge.

“Alright, you fuckers, spill the beans, give me the tea.”

Absolutely puzzled, they just stare at you like you’re some kind of wild animal with rabies, ready to bite.

“No gossip? Then why are you looking at me like someone died?”

“Y/N, since-“

“Ah, there you are!” Porco can’t resist the temptation of leaving a handprint on your asscheek before plopping next to Eren.

“Wassup, dipshits?”

Utter silence.

It’s like you’re at a funeral — everyone is either serious, shocked or confused. And even Porco picks up on their behaviour.

“Yo, who died?” He asks, and his eyes land on you, a hand covering your mouth as you chuckle.

“That’s what I said.” You tell him, and he fist bumps you.

They’re mortified. Each and every one of them is too stunned to speak, except Eren. He knows you don’t know shit, he knows you haven’t even had sex yet, he knows because he’s been in pretty much the same situation with Mikasa before he ended up drunk calling her and confessing. He knows you’re both idiots.

“Connie’s dignity died when he dropped his weed in a puddle outside.” Eren saves the day, because now everyone is groaning and complaining, even Connie’s own girlfriend.

“What the fuck, Eren? I thought you weren’t going to snitch, man.”

You excuse yourself when a customer walks in, and Porco follows behind you, picking up a few empty cups from other tables. He sees your narrowed eyes and the frown on your face. Oh, no, you’re thinking, and that never ends up well.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks between you taking the client’s order and him washing the dishes.

“They’re acting so strange.” You smile after handing the receipt to the customer. “Like they’re hiding something. Don’t you think?” You slide the milk jug to Porco and he catches it, as if he predicted your move.

“Now that you mention it, they are acting kind of sus.” He throws you the cocktail spoon and you move to the sink while he finishes the beverage.

“Do you think Armin wants to propose?” You glance at your friends from the corner of your eye and catch Eren telling them something. Whatever he’s saying, they stopped staring.

“No way, Annie was on board with them, I’ve never seen her so… curious. Tell me, is there something on my face, Y/N?” He hands the client their drink and spins around, a grave look on his face. You squint, trying very hard to find an imperfection but, as always, he’s perfect.

“Nope, you look as handsome as ever. What about me?” You close your eyes and lean forward.

“Pretty as a picture.” Porco boops your nose and you shrug.

“Then what’s their problem?”

“I don’t know but shit, it’s almost 1 pm, I need to go to the tattoo parlour.” He takes his apron off and dashes to the back room.

“What time is your break?” You shout as he scrambles to find all of his belongings and go to his second job.

“Three o’clock to half past three.” He’s out the door but then he sticks his head back inside. “Don’t bring me anything, I’ll just go to the shop down the street.”

“Fuck off and have a nice day! See you at three!”

It was a habit you picked up since even before Porco started working at Titanic Coffees (whoever named it that way should burn in hell). You both took your lunch breaks at the same time, so that you can bring him a cup of coffee and a sandwich, and today is no different. Your friends left soon after Porco, and time passed in pure slow motion until 3 pm. But when you saw Floch come for his shift, you knew it was time to eat. You didn’t even tell him hello, you just hung your apron in your little closet in the back room and fucked off.

“I told you not to come.” Porco scoffs, reluctantly grabbing the sandwich.

“Am I embarrassing you when you’re trying to pick up chicks?” You mock him, but hearing yourself say that made your stomach churn. Suddenly you’re not hungry.

“Believe me, I have no trouble picking up chicks. Here, let me show you.”

“N-no, I believe you.” You stop him before he makes a fool of himself (or before that nasty feeling kicks in again — it’s weird and disgusting and you don’t want to ever feel it again).

“Thanks for the food and the drink, but you have to stop doing this. You can’t keep giving out free coffee.” He seems almost concerned for your future.

“Yeah, I can, I don’t want to spend a lifetime in this shitty coffee shop. I want to actually use my degree.” You nibble on your sandwich, and a wave of questions is suddenly hitting you. What do you want to do? Do you want to leave this city? Leave the country? Get married? Have a fulfilling career? Wow, you didn’t stop and think until now, did you?

“You did fine art, maybe you can join me here and be my apprentice.” He so nonchalantly suggests, and now you stop and think. Sure, you can draw, but you're nowhere near as good as Porco is. And you didn't do fine art, you minored in it. Your major is still film. But no matter where you see yourself in two, ten, twenty years, the image of Porco's shit-eating grin is in your mind.

You are going to be friends until then, too, right? When you get a boyfriend and he gets a girlfriend, you're still going to be friends, right? When he gets married, you'll be by his side, right? Only, you don't want to be friends in two, ten or twenty years.

You like him. No, you love him.

"Earth to Y/N, you still with me?" Porco flicks your forehead and you come to your sense, panic written all over your face.

"I need to go." You abruptly get up, not giving a shit about your unfinished coffee or sandwich.

"Go where? Your break isn't over yet." God, he knows you so well.

"I've got stuff to do."

"Bullshit, I know your schedule inside-out. What's... wrong?" Porco’s voice dies down when you're already out the door of his workplace and in the coffee shop.

"Who got your panties in a twist?" Floch tries his luck but you shut him down quickly. "Fuck off, you slimy git." And you're in the freezer room, shivering to the bone, unlocked phone in your hand. You take a good look at what pictures you have with Porco in your gallery and, yes, you're undoubtedly and indisputably in love with your best friend.

Fuck.

*

Five (5) new messages from Pokko Loco:

You okay?

Where did you go? Pieck said you didn't have any plans and now i'm worried for your sorry ass.

Yo, did i say anything offensive?

I mean, i always say offensive shit but you never got mad, right?

Call me maybe?

Hi, sorry for storming off, I remembered I have an interview tomorrow and I need to prep. Good night.

In the two decades that you've known Porco, you never lied to him. Not when you got your first period, not when you had your first kiss, not even when you lost your virginity. And now you’re lying to his face. It feels like you're cheating on your boyfriend.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me?" You groan, head buried in your pillow. It's easy to be evasive when you're both at work, because you have shit to do and can't always talk. But at night, when you lay alone in your bed, in dim lights and complete silence, you can't avoid him anymore. He's always in your mind, and the one time you can't push him out if your brain is before sleep. Sure, he's always been in your mind even before you had this epiphany, but now you can feel your chest tightening, your breath heavier whenever your phone vibrates. Because you would want the feeling to be mutual, to have him profess his undying love to you and actually be in a relationship with him, not just act like you're in one. But you know that is never going to happen, because he probably only sees you as a very close friend and that's that. Ding! One (1) new message from Pokko Loco:

Oh, shit, good luck then! What time is it?

For fuck's sake, you can't back down now, can you? It would probably be better to have it when he has his shift, so you don't have to give anymore bullshit excuses. 10 am. It's an assessment and all that shit so I'll be working half a day tomorrow. Wow, you feel horrible. You do the unspeakable act of texting Floch fucking Forster to cover your shift tomorrow, and surprisingly he doesn't complain too much, only a little. You promise you'll hook him up your second cousin twice removed and he shuts up.

Ding! One (1) new message from Pokko Loco:

Aww, i'm gonna miss your purdy face :( I'll bring you lunch, you brew the coffee ;)

Fuck, he doesn't make it any easier for you to be evasive, does he? And you can't live the rest of your life in love with your best friend.

I won't be taking my lunch break, I'll skip it and go home earlier since I'll probably be very tired after the interview. Aaaaanyway, I'm gonna hit the hay. Good night.

He knows. He knows something is wrong with you because you never put a full stop after your last sentence, and he’s not an idiot. But the more he stares at his phone, the more he becomes worried. Alright then, good luck and good night <3

Porco waits for a reply but it doesn't come. He thinks you must've fallen asleep already, even if it's out of character for you to fall asleep without insulting him in some way, so, naturally, he texts Sasha.

Ayo, Sash, what job did Y/N apply for?

I didn't know she applied for one, why?

She said she has an interview tomorrow and i was confused cause she didn't tell me anything about it

Maybe she doesn't want to jinx it?

Fair. Aight, g'night

His brain is short-circuiting because you tell him everything, yet you didn't tell him something so important? Oooh, maybe you have a boyfriend.

A boyfriend.

Somehow, the thought of you in a relationship with some dude makes Porco furious. He doesn't understand why, he's just your friend. A very close and personal friend. A friend who holds your hair when you throw up, a friend who holds you in his arms when you watch a horror movie, a friend who brings you painkillers and chocolate when you're on your period, a friend who tells you how pretty you are when you're feeling down, a friend who fantasies about moving in with you, a friend who sometimes (always) thinks about you when he jacks off. Is he in love with you?

Nah.

Or? "Fuck my life." Porco throws the duvet off of him and sits up. He can't believe what he's about to do, but he does it anyway.

"Heeeeeey, Eren, buddy, pal, amigo, wassup?"

"Galliard, it's past your bedtime. Give me one good why I shouldn't hang up right now."

“Right, listen, I have this friend and-“

“Alright, good night.”

“Wait wait wait, hear me out. And whatever you do, do not put me on speaker. I don’t want Mikasa to hear this.”

“Fine.” Eren groans, proceeding to do exactly that. “Go on.”

“So, this friend of mine, right? He just realised he’s in love with his best friend, and, like, he’s known this girl all his life. And he doesn’t want to fuck up their friendship cause he can be an asshole sometimes, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, so what I wanna ask you is what should I do?”

“You?” Porco can feel Eren’s sneer through the phone.

“As in what should I tell him, fuckface.”

“My bad, pea-brain. Do I get to think about this or do you want an answer now?”

“Now, preferably.”

“Aight, tell your friend to confess.”

“What? No!” Porco screeches at his phone.

“Galliard, you called me for advice, this is the advice. Take it or leave it.”

“Ugh, how the fuck are you the reasonable one?”

*

You’re sat in bed in the usual foetus position that you morph into when shit hits the fan. It’s 10 am and you’ve switched your phone off for the supposed interview. Hoping and praying that none of your friends will show up at your workplace today, you decide to finally drag yourself out of bed and take a shower.

You can’t possibly love Porco, right? It’s just the comfort, the fact that you’re used to being around him all the time.

Oh, who are you trying to fool? You love him — you adore his shitty jokes, his innuendos, his prefect face and gelled back hair, how annoying and caring he can be at the same time, and you especially love how you get lost in his eyes whenever he’s looking at you with that grin, like he’s about to do something stupid to lift up your mood.

What if he does like you? What if he’s into you and you just didn’t see it until now?

Nope, he’s been in relationships before, he’s been happy, and you sure as hell wasn’t the reason of his breakups, because if you were, you should’ve known by know. Oh, well, time to put on a show, just in case he spots you from the tattoo parlour. Jesus, why did the coffee shop have to be right across the street from his workplace? Well, you can’t move an entire café, can you?

You’re taking your sweet time doing your hair and putting on makeup to try and trick people into thinking you’ve actually been to an interview, hell, you even wear your best pencil skirt to have that professional aura around you, even if you’re going to change when you get to work. This lie is going pretty far, but if anyone asks, you’ll just tell them you’ve been rejected. Maybe you should actually look for a job.

At 12 pm you leave your flat, making sure to go on a completely different route to make your story more believable. Right now you really need a friend to talk to, ask for advice, but the problem is, the only one you talk about feelings is Porco, and you can’t just go up to him, be like “ay, so I’ve liked you for 20 years, how about we hook up?”

Unless… you can?

You are a genius. That’s exactly what you’re going to do! You’re going to tell Porco you have a friend that’s been in love with their best friend for a long time and ask him what he would do! Brilliant, flawless plan, because according to his answer, you know what to do next. Why didn’t you think about this before?

Feeling slightly, better, you actually find yourself smiling, strolling down the street in your uncomfortably tight skirt, but there’s no time to think about that. You get to the coffee shop, excited by your stupid amazing idea, and lo and behold, Porco hasn’t left for his other job. You’re so close to jumping into his arms for a hug, like you normally do, but you can’t, not after that epiphany. Besides, he has his back facing you.

“Pokko!” You get up on your toes, hands behind your back like you’re hiding something from him. “I’m back from my interview.”

“Oh, hi!” He smiles, but he seems hesitant. Fuck, what if he knows? He’s always seen right through your bullshit, what if he sees through you now? “Sorry, I can’t stay for long, I need to go to the tattoo parlour.”

“Right, yes, of course.” You go behind the bar and he finally notices your outfit. He can’t remember ever seeing you dressed in something so tight, and his mind wanders a place he didn’t want to be while at work. “Hey, before you go, I need to ask you something.”

“Go on.” Porco takes off the apron and throws it over his shoulder. Something about the movement made you notice his muscles better. Was he always this buff and toned?

“So, you see, there’s this girl I know, from uni,” You explain, trying not to give out too many details, “and she just realised she’s in love with her best friend. And she asked me for advice, but I told her I’d mull over it because, honestly, I don’t know what to tell her. And, we’ll, you’re a dude, what would you expect if you were in his shoes?”

“Funny you should ask, I know a guy who is exactly in the same situation.” He tilts his head, clearly lost in thought.

“Who?” You question him, brow quirked. Most of his friends are your friends, and you don’t know anyone who can possibly be in this situation.

“Guy from work, doesn’t matter. I asked Eren and he said the dude should confess.”

“You asked Eren? Damn, Galliard, must be a good friend if you did the unspeakable act of talking to Eren.” You laugh, and he can’t stop staring at the way your chest rises and falls with each chuckle.

“Yeah, well, I figured since he was in the same boat with Mikasa a few year ago, he’d know better.”

God damn it, why didn’t you think about asking Mikasa or Eren?

“Right, so you think she should confess?” You press on, and he takes one quick look at the time.

“Shit, yeah, why not, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Porco stumbles into the back room and you follow because your shift is starting and you need to change. He’s seen you half-naked before, so you just shrug and unbutton your shirt.

“The worst that could happen is for their friendship to end.”

“Well,” He turns around, head first into your pink bra, “cover yourself, wench. What if Floch walks in?”

“Ah, so what, he gets to see a titty.” You laugh but your little joke isn’t amusing to Porco. “Not funny?” You ask and he shakes his head.

“You know I don’t like it when you have to be alone with him.” He pouts, but his tense muscles betray his anger.

“Pokko, you’re literally across the street. You see everything that happens in here.”

“But not the back room!” He slams his fist onto the door of his locker. You knew Porco to be aggressive and abrasive, but he really didn’t have to leave a dent in the metal door.

Your hand instinctively touches his shoulder in an attempt to reassure him that everything will be fine, and in a way, to test yourself and see if you can still be comfortable around him, knowing that you fucking love him, and you can’t. As if you touched molten lava, you retract your hand, turn around and put your apron over your clothes.

“You okay? Am I that hot?”

“You’re late for work.” You deadpan, exiting the back room. You can’t do this anymore, you can’t be friends with him if you can’t even touch his goddamn arm. He’s left confused, and when he walks out of the back room, you’re nowhere to be seen.

“Bathroom.” Floch has a sneer on his face that Porco really wants to erase with a punch, but at least he knows where you are. Jeez, since when is he so concerned? You’re a grown ass woman, not a child, you can take care of yourself. He knows you carry pepper spray everywhere.

But you found refuge in the bathroom to contemplate your options. Right now, there’s three of them.

You can either, A, just fucking tell Porco how you feel, B, try to get over your feelings for him and keep being friends or C, never get over your feelings, end up bitter and sabotaging his future relationships because you’re petty and can’t stand seeing him happy.

It’s going to be A. It has to be A. C cannot possibly be an option because you will hate yourself for choosing it, and you know too damn well you can’t get over him to be choosing B.

Besides, he said it himself, your hypothetical friend should confess. But you don’t have the balls to do it. Maybe tell him through a text? No, that’s pathetic. A note? So pathetic. For the time being, you’ll focus on work and just push this thought away.

*

Sasha drags you into the bathroom, music muffled when she shuts the door. You’re so confused, one minute you were having fun, drinking and forgetting most of your worries, the next you’re stuck in Eren’s bathroom with Sasha, who is giving you such a condescending look. You wait, like a child waiting to be chastised by their parents, uncomfortably sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“Sash, why so serious?” You stick thumbs in your mouth and pretend you’re the Joker. Fuck, you’re drunk.

“You wanna tell me why the fuck is Jean so touchy with you?”

“We’re” hiccup “dating.”

“Since when?”

“Since I found out I’m in love with P-“ hiccup “Porco.”

She’s about to slap you into sobriety, you know it by the stern look on her face.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind?”

“Relaaaaaaax, Sash,” hiccup “’s nothing serious, Jean knows it, I know it, now you know it.” You giggle, your ass sliding in the bathtub until you’re stuck, like a cockroach on its back. Jesus, you’re a mess. Ever since you chose option A, confess, you’ve done nothing but the opposite. You’ve been drinking, dating, fucking, and most importantly, avoiding Porco.

And it’s not like he didn’t try. He still texted you, talked to you at work, but you’ve just been so cold, he stopped doing all the little things that made you happy. You two were falling apart and it was all your fault. You say you don’t care, say that people come and go, but you’re in so much heartache that this is the only way you can cope.

“You need to talk to him.”

“Fuck. No.” You still struggle getting up and Sasha doesn’t give you a single finger to help. “I pushed him away, he’s seen the worst in me, now he can” hiccup “live his life.”

“You’re an idiot. You’ve both been in love with each other for as long as I can remember, you’re just too stupid to acknowledge that.” She bluntly tells you, but you can’t give yourself false hope. Besides, it’s a bit too late.

“Meh, even if we were to talk- no, even if he did like me, he’s probably over it by now. Been a month.” You finally get the help you need from your friend and get up. Sasha’s holding you by the shoulders, worry in her eyes.

“You’re self-destructing, Y/N.”

Shit. You knew this, but to hear it so loud and clear is just too much. You can feel saliva pooling up in your mouth, a sing that you’re about to cry, and you bury your head in Sasha’s arms to muffle the sounds about to come out of your mouth. For a few moments, that’s all you’re doing — crying. It feels liberating to let the tears fall, even if you’re going to ruin her shirt with your runny mascara and snot, but she’s taking full responsibility.

“Why the fuck am I so stupid, Sash?” You howl in the bathroom, and you’re so glad the music is loud. “I’ve been bitching about how I might ruin our friendship if I confess, and look what I’ve done by notconfessing. He probably hates me.”

“Shh, there, there.” Sasha brushes her fingers through your hair. “If anything, he could’ve said something, too.”

“For the last time, he doesn’tlike me.” Your throat is dry, voice hoarse.

She rolls her eyes but doesn’t dare say anything. You’re not in the right mental state to have this conversation, so Sasha just holds you. It’s going to be a long road to reconcile with Porco.

Before you go home, you end it with Jean. Sure, neither of you got attached, and neither of you planned to get attached, but it was encouraging to hear him say “go get your manchild.” You walk back home, grateful that you don’t live too far away from Eren’s place, and, like the queen of sadness that you are, rain starts pouring from the night sky, matching your mood. It’s fine, you deserve it, you think. You just hope you’re not going to get mugged, stabbed or assaulted on your way home.

Hey. Can we talk?

You don’t know what possessed you to send Porco that text, but you did and you can’t unsend it now.

Ding! One (1) message from Porco Galliard:

It’s 1 am. I have work tomorrow.

Right, of course. You forgot he’s not an apprentice anymore and works full shifts at the tattoo parlour.

You’re right. Sorry.

Pathetic.

You’re pathetic thinking a “hey can we talk” is going to fix everything.

Ding! One (1) message from Porco Galliard:

Are you okay tho?

Even if you’re an absolute fucking idiot, he still cares. Even worse, he still loves you, despite how cold you were with him. You really don’t deserve him as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. Seeing you with Jean, though, that’s what really put him off from ever trying to confess his feelings.

No. I haven’t been okay in a long time. Sorry for bothering you though, good night!

Porco absolutely hates you right now. Not because of how you treated him, not because of the text you sent him, but because no matter what he’s doing, who he’s fucking, how much he’s drinking, he can’t seem to get over you and your stupid smile.

Ding! One (1) message from Porco Galliard:

Are you home?

That’s a strange question to ask, you think, drying your phone with the back of your sleeve.

Almost lol. I just wished it stopped raining.

Ding! One (1) message from Porco Galliard:

You’re walking home??

Yes? I’m walking from Eren’s, it’s close.

You’ve walked down this road so many times lol

Hello?

Pokko?

Wow, you haven’t called him that nickname in a long time. It feels strange to do it now, but there’s still some alcohol in your system.

Ding! One (1) message from Porco Galliard:

Share me your location, I’m picking you up.

Ugh, fine. There.

You press send and keep walking. You can’t just sit in the rain and wait, besides, he’ll see where you are on the map. The more you walk, however, the more you sober up and process what exactly happened. You know what, fuck it. You’ll tell Porco exactly what’s going on in your heart and mind. You’ve already fucked this friendship up, it can’t get any worse. At least he’ll know, and you’ll finally be able to move on, finally free from the constraints of an unrequited love.

But you’re tired. So tired of walking, drinking, pretending. And you miss him so much. You crave his voice, his warm hugs, his insults and jokes. Oh, how you wished you had the balls to confess at the right time. Then you wouldn't have to go through so much shit now. But maybe you deserve it. After all, Porco did tell your hypothetical friend to confess, and you didn't, so it technically is on you. Tears well up again, and you just sit on the concrete pavement, crying your heart out. The lights from a car almost blind you, but you're relieved to see Porco coming out of it.

"Y/N, are you okay? Did someone hurt y-"

"I can't do this anymore, man. I'm tired. I'm sick of acting like this."

"Then stop it." He offers his hand to help you up but you just slap it away. "Y/N, get in the damn car." His voice is grave, almost angry.

"Why did you even come here? I've been nothing but a bitch."

"You're still a bitch." Porco walks behind you, crouches and shoves his forearms under your armpits. "Come on, get up."

"Oh my God, what are you, ten?" You try to push yourself away from him but he's far too strong. "I'm trying to be serious! Let me go, you dipshit!"

"No." He clasps his hands together and picks you up. His body is so warm, you could just melt in his arms. "You're a fucking cretin and you're driving me mad."

"Yeah, well, takes one to know one." You give up on trying get him off of your back and instead accept it, pressing your head into the crook of his neck, rain falling down onto your bodies.

"Talk to me." He whispers in your ear. "Why have you been acting this way?"

"Ugh, I just... I want things to go back to the way they were."

"And they will if you just stop shutting yourself in."

"Trust me, after what I'm about to tell you, nothing will be the same." You sigh for the hundredth time today.

"Jesus, what did you do? Kill a man?" He presses his chin onto your forehead. "That would be easier to confess." You close your eyes and the rain stops. "Look, I-"

"I love you." Porco cuts you off and your eyes are now wide open.

"You what?"

"I'm not stupid, Y/N. I figured something was off when you mentioned that shitty interview which, by the way, I know was a lie."

"Then why the fuck didn't you say something? Anything?" You turn around, still in his arms.

"Because you thought it would be a good idea to avoid me, dumbass. The fuck was I supposed to do? Show up at your door with roses and champagne?"

"Shit, I didn't think that far ahead." You avert your gaze but he lifts your chin with his fingers.

"You didn't, because you only thought about yourself. Did you ever stop and think about what this was doing to me?"

"No." You're ashamed to admit. "No, and I'm sorry! I was selfish but I was scared. I know nothing can excuse my behaviour, but I was terrified because I love you! I didn't think you'd love me back! What? Why are you laughing?"

"Say it again." Porco grins, his hand cupping your cheek.

"I fucking love you, assface!" You shout at him, and his eyes light up. You’ve never seen him so happy in all twenty years since you’ve known him, and you realise you’ve never been so happy either. Porco pulls you closer to him, one hand resting on your waist, the other brushing the wet strands of hair out of your face. “I love you so much, and I never want to go through not talking to you for a month ever again.”

“I’m gonna ask for a refund if you do that.” He pulls you closer to him, lips pressing onto yours into a feverish kiss. It all feels like a dream, ethereal and unreal, but it is real, it is happening, and you love every second of it.

“I’m never going to let you go, Galliard.”

"Good, now get in the goddamn car, my balls are wet.

[hanniiesuckle17]

Chapter 35: Holy Fucking Mother of Pearl

A/n: so um yeah I was worried this was gonna be late. but uh guess not. hope you guys enjoy the chapter!!! Tag List is Open <3

Tag List: @mini-meanhoe @leggomylino @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @jeonqqin @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @yangs-jeongin @binniebutter @orangegyu @little-precious-baby @raethethey @sofie296 @love-letters-2-jisungie

RBTL Tag List: @bluejayboys​ @wonderlandless @sunfics @deputyjuyeon @studioreader @yunho-1999 @niafics @diestheticu @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @lumixen @nycol-ie​ @carateum1 @scoups-of-sugar​ @gabxbyr​

Updates: Saturday 9 AM- ish CDT​

Warnings: Cursing, illness of parent, consumption of alcohol

Summary: True love has never come easy; life makes sure of that. From unrequited love to missed timing, does anyone have any hope at finding success- let alone pass History at the same time? All these questions leave young people wondering….will they still love me in the morning?

❖

Third POV

Y/n smiled at the screen before looking into the sea of sweaty, dancing bodies. Lights and lasers bounced and flashed over the crowd. The campus courtyard had been transformed into a huge dancefloor complete with a DJ booth for some of the school's music and composition majors to use. 

Julie and Jessica stood next to the girl talking over the loud thumping bass. Sunwoo and Kevin were not far from the girls, challenging each other to who could hold the most shots before puking. Sunwoo was very close to losing. 

“Changmin wants to dance with me. Are you guys okay here?” Y/n shouted over the music. 

Hesitantly his hand slid across her skin, looking into her eyes almost as if to ask if this was okay. His hand enveloped hers as he lifted it and spun her around in circles to the music. The smile on his face grew bigger as the lights flashed over their faces.

It was awkward at first. The two bumped into each other and Y/n accidentally stepped on his toe a couple times. Changmin tried to show her a couple of his coolest dance moves but he almost elbowed her in the face. Regardless the two never lost their grins and jumped and laughed until they found a rhythm. 

Pressed together among the other twisting, twirling bodies, Changmin felt nervous. His heart was beating a thousand miles a minute and he swore it was louder than the bass vibrating through the crowd. He was fighting the instinct to reach out and touch her.

Y/n wanted to feel him just as badly. She admired the red tint on his cheeks as he danced with her. She thought they might have been from the drinks or dancing for so long, but a small part hoped that they were maybe because of her.

As the girl spun she reached behind her and let her back press against his chest. Changmin felt his pulse skyrocket as he felt her hand snake up and brush over his neck.

As the girl spun she reached behind her and let her back press against his chest. Changmin felt his pulse skyrocket as he felt her hand snake up and brush over his neck.

As the girl spun she reached behind her and let her back press against his chest. Changmin felt his pulse skyrocket as he felt her hand snake up and brush over his neck.

As the girl spun she reached behind her and let her back press against his chest. Changmin felt his pulse skyrocket as he felt her hand snake up and brush over his neck.

Changmin had always been smart. When someone asked him a question he almost always knew what to do and even if he didn’t he always knew how to solve the problem. At this moment Changmin was frozen. His mind went blank and all function to his body and brain stopped.

Even if someone poked him with a stick there was a very high chance he would not move. Y/n laughed and leaned closer to his ear. “Are you okay?”

Pushing past the lump in his throat he managed to speak. “I genuinely don’t know what to do with my hands.”

Though her laugh was drowned out by the music, her eyes crinkled and she continued to move to the beat, despite the almost motionless boy behind her. He felt a little awkward standing still so he started to sway side to side, keeping his hands a comfortable distance from the girl leaning into him. 

“Just relax, Min. It’s just me.”

His breath once again became shaky for a moment feeling her hands once again on his skin. This time she reached for his hands, pulling them to rest on her hips. His nerves quickly dissipated and soon he became lost in his own little world with Y/n. 

It wasn’t until they heard the chanting around them that they realized there were only seconds until midnight. The music had stopped and had been replaced with a countdown. A screen flashed with numbers decreasing in value until Y/n saw it reach four. Three. Two. One.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everyone cheered. Changmin watched as some couples around them embraced and welcomed the new year with a kiss. He rubbed the back of his neck looking down at Y/n. 

“C-can I kiss you?”

She blinked a few times. Her silence was making him sweat though she was merely trying to process the fact that he had actually asked for permission and was now looking at her like the most precious thing in the world. A smile lifted one corner of her mouth slightly. The sound around her drowned out as she became solely focused on Changmin. She gave him a small nod.

Y/n looked up at the boy’s lips. Instantly she remembered how soft they were- even cold and dry from the lake. Impatient to feel them again her fingers latched themselves into his belt loops and gave a light tug. Changmin chuckled, a little shocked at her confidence. 

As everyone cheered around them, lost in their own celebrations, the two moved closer until they were only inches apart. Tired of waiting Y/n moved forward to press her lips against his only to bonk her head against Changmin who had the same exact thought. The two laughed- holding their foreheads, still close together. 

Changmin leaned in once more this time accidentally brushing his nose over hers. He let out a slightly pained laugh, clearly embarrassed. 

“Okay you go left, I’ll go right?” Y/n joked, making him feel more at ease. 

Shaking his head, his hand rose to gently hold her chin before he listed his head and placed a sweet, slow kiss on her lips. Changmin reveled in the sensation of her lips on his, a heat and cold spreading through his entire body all at the same time. 

It was the kind of kiss that made you feel warm and bubbly inside. Y/n felt her stomach doing somersaults and couldn’t stop the wide grin from spreading across her face. He pulled away and looked into her eyes with his lopsided smile. “Happy New Year, Y/n,” He whispered, a laugh bubbling up from his chest. 

“Happy New Year, Min,” Y/n replied in a volume only loud enough for him to hear, doing her best to repress the childish giggle dying to be let out. 

Previous Chapter ❖  Next Chapter

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[galaxywarp]

I don't know if I really count in all this, but right now I'm in a spot where I basically have to use weed or alcohol on a daily basis just to be able to sleep. I try to tell myself I'm being careful and I'm not going to be reliant on them for the rest of my life, because at this point it's just about finding something that shuts up my hypervigilance long enough to let me get some rest, and I know my mental stability is a lot worse when I don't sleep, but I'm honestly terrified that I'm going to end up an alcoholic or unable to function without being impaired somehow. I know weed isn't really addictive the same way that harder drugs are but I basically grew up being fearmongered into believing I could and would get addicted to anything because it's genetic as well as a common symptom of my PD. So I don't know if I'm really struggling with addiction or just.. The fear of it? But honestly seeing you talk about your experiences and your recovery journey has helped a lot just to show that it's not the end of the world or completely unfixable if I do end up needing more help down the line? If that makes sense? Sorry, this is really rambly

Don’t be sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience.

You’re right that weed is a lot different from, say, heroin and meth (speaking as someone who was addicted to heroin and meth), but addiction can still happen. I know I got to a point where I felt like I needed to smoke all day every day. Where it was harming my life. Where I could no longer be sober without feeling a deep uncomfortable restlessness as I obsessed over my next escape. And eventually my tolerance got so high that I sought harder drugs

I just wanna say that as a warning to anyone who needs to hear it. Just… be honest with yourself, okay? Be completely honest in your heart about whether or not you’re using weed in an unhealthy way and beginning to dread being sober. It’s a huge red flag

I guess what I’m trying to say is that only you can truly tell if your use is harmful or not. But you’re absolutely right that if it is a problem, now or later, and you need help for it, that’s okay

[kaz11283]

ok ok idk if ur still taking request but can i have a drabble or a one shot or anything of loki dealing with/ taking care/ drinking with drunk y/n??? i’m drunk rn and that’s allll i need in life

Babysitter

The party at Starks compound was going off without a hitch, celebrating the man himselfs birthday. The music was to loud, lights flickering everywhere, and laughter bouncing off the walls.

"Come drink with us y/n!" Thor bellowed to you across the bar montioning you to follow him to the group that was sitting around one of the back tables. You flopped down next to Loki and let out a sigh.

"How are you this evening y/n?" He asked moving his leg over slightly so that he wouldnt have to touch you. That was your power, being able to read people minds with a simple touch, nights like tonight all ways set you on edge with to many people bumping, shoving, touching. The whole atmosphere drove you mad most of the time.

"Handling it." You forced a smile looking over at him. "Alcohol helps repress it." You said picking up your drink and giving a silent cheers to the handsome man that had decided to dress in a black dress shirt and dark colored jeans. You threw your head back and took the shot.

"Starting the party stong this evening y/n?" Tony asked raising his eyebrow at you.

"Putting everyone elses thoughts on the back burner for tonight Tony." You said smiling sweetly at him before taking another shot.

"So whos on babysitting duty tonight then?" Bucky laughed looking around the table.

"I'm not that bad-"

"Thor had to pull you off the bar last time before you started stripping." Your face turned bright red as you glanced over to Thor whos face was the same color mounthing out sorry.

"Dont worry I've got her this time." Loki laughted taking a sip of his wine.

"Babysitter." You rolled your eyes again taking a sip of the mixed drink that Nat had put in front of you making sure her hand grazed your.

Loki seems quite excited to be on babysotting duty tonight, you might be in for another private stripping session tonight.

You shot her a look that sent her into a fit of laughs.

"Another round then!" Thor yelled at the bar tender. "We are celebrating the Man of Iron tonight." You sighed slouching back in your chair.

"Relax, darling, I've got you tonight." Loki whispered leaning over to you. "I won't let you make a complete fool of your self."

As the night grew so did your buzz, your cheeks were getting warmer, and the dress you had on now started feeling constricting. You started pulling at the bottom and then neck.

"Your fidgeting darling." Loki said placing his hand on your leg causing you to jump.

"My dress is to tight. I just need to get up for a second." You said standing to walk over to the bar.

"Dress to tight?" Steve asked looking over at Loki.

"She had to get up for a moment." At that moment there was whistling coming from the dance floor.

"Umm, babysitter." Tony said pointing behind Loki. As he turned around he noticed that you had already started to pull the dress up more than you should have. Loki jumped up running toward you.

"Y/n, what are you doing?" He said grabbing your hands causing your dress to fall back down.

"Lok, I'm hot. So freaking hot. This dress, its to tight. I need it off." You said trying to shake him off.

"Come on then, lets get you out of here." He said pulling you out the door. You bumped into a man standing near the door.

Wish she would have finished. He doesnt deserve to be able to see all that undressed.

You stopped suddenly looking at the man before raring back and punching him in the face. "I dont think its any of your concern who sees me like that." Loki stopped and stared at you before escourting you out of the crowed room.

"Asshole." You huffed behind him. He was able to lead you to the floor where his room was. "You could have just taken me back to my room so that you could go back." You sighed flopping down on his bed. The buzz had slowly started wearing off but the room was still spinning.

"Its ok y/n. Besides if I'm taking care of you then I cant go back to that overrated party then can I?" He laughed sitting next to you.

"I get so tired of being able to hear what people are thinking. It is literally exhausting. Trying to find somewhere to sit thats not to close to someone. Especially one of the guys, all of yall are perverts. Course the girls are just as bad most of the time." You put your head in your hands tearing up. Nope, the drunk still wasnt over.

"The power that you have makes you you y/n. If you didnt have that power you wouldnt be here with your friends."

"Yeah friends that I can hug because im afraid that I might hear something that I shouldn't. I made that mistake once. I hugged Steve not even thinking and he was thinking about Nat. Like thinking about something that no one but those two should know about. After that I just stopped touching everyone. Do you know how bad that sucks?"

"Ah, touch starved." He said laughing. "May I try something?"

"Its no use, everyone tells me they can shut it all off but theres always something on their minds." You shrug.

"Give me your hand." He saod placing his hand out palm up. You begrudgingly put your hand in his causing him to smile. "Well?"

"I think im about to be sick." You said jumping up and running to his bathroom silently thanking Tony for sticking with one layout for every room.

"Oh dear." Loki said following you in there and grabbing ahold of your hair that had fallen. "I think you will live." He helped you sit on the side of the bathtub as he got a clean rag for you to whip your face.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me tonight." You whispered closing your eyes.

"Stop that nonsense. I volunteered for it. I knew what was coming." He laughed as he walked out to his room to get you a clean shirt. "Now tell me. Did you hear anything when I touched you?"

"Actually no, I didnt even realize it when you was pulling me from the party." You said putting the shirt next to you. "How?"

"I can 'turn it off' if that makes any sense. Telepathic people drive me insane. Always trying to figure out what your thinking. I learned at a young age how to block stuff like that out. Wanda tends to be the worlds worst."

"Its nice. The quiet. I havent had that, ever." You leand your head aginst the cool wall closing your eyes.

"Hey, no no no. Lets get you changed and laid down in bed before you pass out." He pulled you to your feet and looked at you. "Do you need assistance?"

You laughted as him. "No. Its fine ive got this." You pulled your dress off and pulled his on before walking out and flopping down on his bed.

"Do you mind holding my hand? Its nice not having to worry about what i might hear." Loki laid down beside you and placed his hand in yours.

"If you ever need some quiet time you are more than welcome to come find me." He sais placing a kiss to your temple before you fell asleep.

Thank you so MUCH for the request! I hope you like it. I had one, erased it and restarted so thats what took took me so long to write this one. If you have any more please feel free to send them in!

Tag List:

@high-functioning-lokipath

@serpentargo

@drbaureid

@poetic-fiasco

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@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@natandersonnla

@delightfulheartdream

[angelenohq]

in the city of angels.

NAME: Gabriel "Gabe" Miller FACE CLAIM: Joe Keery AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 28 & June 6th, 1994 HOMETOWN: Los Angeles, California TIME IN LOS ANGELES: Born and raised NEIGHBORHOOD: West Hollywood OCCUPATION: Musician, lead singer for Midnight Mystics

biography.

trigger warning: abuse, suicide, homophobia, depression

andrew miller was a man perpetually busy and always in high demand. this was hardly surprising, given that his top client was none other than alfonso "al" herrera, a prominent figure in the sinaloa cartel based in california. although the friendship between the two men might have raised eyebrows, there was no one herrera trusted more than his loyal attorney, andrew miller. andrew had a gift for bending the truth, manipulating an entire court into believing that they were in the wrong, rather than his client. his success in most of his courtroom appearances had earned him the reputation of being a formidable legal shark, indifferent to the opinions of others, and unyielding in the face of incompetence or cowardice. with his cold heart and icy demeanor, andrew was not someone to be trifled with, especially in court. these days, he ran one of the most respected law firms in los angeles, and his services were in high demand, but they came at a premium.

despite his prominence and prestige, there were always questions surrounding andrew's family. his wife, deborah miller (nee laurent), was a kind-hearted woman who was a prominent figure in the los angeles art scene. her bizarre and original paintings were highly sought after, and she was known for her quiet dedication and unwavering passion. she was a stark contrast to her husband, with her infectious laughter filling any room she entered and her eccentric style turning heads wherever she went. at social functions, she was rarely seen with her husband, and more often than not, her arm was linked with that of alfonso herrera. to an outsider, it might have seemed that deborah was al's wife, rather than andrew's.

however, this was a well-kept secret that nobody dared to discuss openly, as no one wanted to risk their necks with such foolish rumors. the truth was that the miller and herrera families had always been close. they grew up together as if they were cousins, and their bond was unbreakable. andrew miller had always been far from pleased with the situation at hand. as a man who was known for his sharp mind, he was keenly aware of what was going on around him. if he was unable to confront his wife and alfonso directly, he took out his frustration on his youngest son.

andrew refused to believe that gabe was his son, despite the fact that he bore a striking resemblance to andrew's side of the family. this disbelief stemmed from gabe's artistic tendencies and his soft-spoken ways, which he inherited from his mother. gabe's disinterest in academic subjects and passion for playing various instruments and creating noises with his mouth had always frustrated andrew. to him, these pursuits were not indicative of a "real man," and he viewed them as signs of weakness and softness.

growing up, gabe was constantly bombarded with these beliefs from his father, who held him to an impossible standard of masculinity. when verbal abuse and emotional manipulation were not enough, andrew often resorted to physical violence, fueled by alcohol and frustration. gabe bore the brunt of his father's toxic masculinity, which left him feeling isolated and alone in his own home.

despite the difficulties he faced at home, gabe found solace in music and the unwavering support of his mother and alfonso. while alfonso may not have been his biological father, gabe always longed for him to be. alfonso was a constant presence in gabe's life, attending important events such as anniversaries, graduations, concerts, and even his first breakup. he was a father figure to gabe, supporting him every step of the way. alfonso genuinely appreciated the arts and had been a well-known supporter in the local community. his support for gabe's career not only came in the form of financial backing but also through his extensive network of contacts in hollywood. despite rumors circulating about their relationship, no one dared to bring them up directly to gabe or the herreras.

gabe achieved considerable success in his music career, with two grammy awards under his belt, a viral tiktok hit, and a devoted fan base that couldn't get enough of his music and his hair. with his future looking bright, it seemed that gabe finally found a way to rise above his toxic father and sibling. his visits home mostly were for his mother's benefit, and most of the time they met at her studio or at alf's home.

unfortunately, the man was not immune to human flaws– incapable of maintaining lasting romantic relationships, he had a reputation for breaking hearts. opting to leave before getting hurt was a personal rule, which was easy to maintain, especially when he was traveling and focusing on work. despite his hatred for his father, gabe’s work ethic mirrored his father’s: tireless, determined, and always busy. though words were easily expressed on paper, sharing his innermost thoughts to others was difficult while shouting them at an anonymous crowd did nothing to him. an introvert at heart, time alone was needed after social events. interviews were the bane of his existence, and he used work as an excuse to decline them. at gatherings, the man gravitated to people he knew and preferred to stay on the sidelines, which again, the irony wasn’t lost on him. he found it easier to be inspired when he wasn't the center of attention, so being a master of the irish goodbye didn't bother him.

the band’s success, the midnight mystics, which he founded with his best friend david many, many years ago, came to a halt tragically a year ago. success had always been heavy, and came with its own challenges. drugs, sex, rock n’ roll– while gabe’s philosophy was to ride the waves and hide for days when tsunamis arose, david always preferred to face everything head-on. but what gabe never saw was the hurt and the anger underneath his best friend’s hard exterior. he thought that surely, his friend would let him know if something was wrong. surely he would know.

but he didn't.

when gabe found david, it was as if the world stopped moving. in the wake of his best friend's tragic death, he found himself adrift in a sea of uncertainty and grief.

the once-solid foundation of his band crumbled under the weight of this tragedy, leaving him feeling lost and uninspired. the guilt that weighed heavily on his heart only served to exacerbate his struggles, and he found himself slipping deeper and deeper into a dark hole of depression. despite his best efforts to push forward, inspiration was nowhere to be found. nothing of substance was created, stifled by the weight of his emotional turmoil. he struggled to find comfort, his mind plagued with doubt and fear.

in the midst of all this chaos, gabe made some regrettable decisions that only served to aggravate his problems. from a disastrous interview with oprah to an ill-advised visit home, and even agreeing to fake a relationship with brie barlow, it seemed like every choice he made only pushed him further from the shore.