#which. again. he definitely has a problem

[faeylayn-blog]

The pressure has been so constant that it doesn't even register most days. Most times it only is noticeable following an order to kill someone who truly does not deserve it. Right at the moment where it’s worth considering if this is someone who really should be killed. But even then it never gets quite that far, even if you might consider it, the pressure reminds me that it’s for the good of the Nation, that I’m the only one who can set things on the path of peace and prosperity again when someone has nudged things out of the rut. And it’s not like the orders have ever been wrong, for all my life I’ve seen enough evidence that everyone I’ve been sent after would have destroyed our entire way of life. I am the blade’s edge on which the Nation is balanced whether all those innocents below know it or not. And all of them either do not or choose not to know. Pretending as though you don’t know when the worst necessities are done makes it easier for them to sleep at night I suppose.

The pressure is heavy today, a constant reminder that it’s so important to just focus on the mission, to trust in the results, the decades of dominance and superiority that the Nation has jealously guarded, the citizens who would suffer if any of these radicals would get their way. Yes this is an official, an archmage of the colegia, but my handlers have not been wrong yet. If this archmage is a traitor to the Nation, then they will be destroyed.

Don’t think about it, I know my duty, just focus. I can glide across even a darkened room without the slightest hint of a sound, I’ve been doing so for years, and years, and years. And I’ll be doing so for years and years more. In the beginning it was about making the quickest cleanest kill. But even trying to use the fewest steps, or shortest time from entry, or whatever arbitrary goal I could create stopped holding my attention quickly. It was when I stumbled over a speech of one of the targets that I found the comedy so entertaining. The Nation should be responsible for providing for all it’s citizens…. The nobles are the true enemy of the Nation…. We all came from somewhere, blaming the poorest among us for all our problems is folly. What a riot. How hilarious to see nobles blaming themselves. Nevermind all the public works and goods the nobles had done for the Nation. Bah. It’s all just lies, still it's one way to keep occupied, and when I found something particularly incriminating to bring back I could have access to all sorts of things.

I knew the Archmage wouldn’t be back in the bedchambers for several minutes, so why not see what he was cooking up? I already saw 4 locations where I could wait in ambush, ranked them by likelihood of discovery, ease of attack, prevention of alarm. Nothing was even likely to get in my way.

His desk was littered with scrolls and tomes, many arcane symbols that swam like minnows through the pages in an arcane script I had no chance of deciphering. A letter was drying and the wax seal was already set out, it would be going somewhere juicy I’m sure. 

To whomever has been sent to kill me,

…. Well shit. Daggers out, check the corners, check the device to detect humans in the room, check for surveillance, check the escape route…. And nothing. No issues, nothing out of place. 

Well now I definitely need to see what he wrote. The pressure pushed harder for a moment, but finding evidence against these losers is what I’ve done and I’m not going to let some letter stop me. Besides, maybe it’s a confession or begging for mercy, these weak willed traitors are prone to make a whole lot of fuss and give up when they face any real hardship.

I’m not at all surprised you made it into my bedchambers, just as you have with so many of my compatriots. Perhaps you’d have thought all opposition would fold when pressed, but considering how you’ve read through so much of every victim's writings, I think you’ve wanted to learn more and there’s something stopping you. And I̶̴̗̗̦͍ͨͭ̉͢͟ m̶̷͔ͪ̽͡i̵͓͙̱͚̎͟g̴̶̛̮̣͙͠h̶̯̰̝̻̿̓͢t̴͕͖͓̀ h̶̯̰̝̻̿̓͢ă̶̸̝ͦ͊̿͋͞v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ă̶̸̝ͦ͊̿͋͞ s̩͙͖̋͛͟ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚ḻ̸͈ͧ͑̓̓̀͡û̶͙̽̿͆̈t̴͕͖͓̀i̵͓͙̱͚̎͟ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚n̷̶̯͉̊̽̐ͦ͘

The text spirals into some glyph as I jump backwards but the pulse still worms its way out and slams into my forehead. Fuck, I’m fucking done for now, the fucking letter was a trap.

But as the light recedes, I can still see. I’m… alive? But… the pressure. It’s… it’s gone.

There’s a bluish flash as a teleportation triggers in the room. My weapons are already pointing back as I whip around to face this Archmage. “I… what did you do to me?”

There’s a tight smile on his lips. “I see. Do you still feel I need to die?”

I look down at my daggers, carved with the emblem of the Nation, and I try to will back the focus that the pressure would always bring. The mission. The necessity. Something…

But all that remains is confusion.

I look up. “Tell me more.”

Trained from birth as an assassin, your mind was bound by a powerful control spell. Sent to kill an archmage, they cast Dispel to weaken you—accidentally freeing your mind instead. For the first time, your dagger points wherever you choose.

[marzipanandminutiae]

The problem is Eggers showed that Thomas decided to bang Ellen in cuck rage because his masculinity was threatened and bruised by Ellen talking about another lover. Not because he found her awesome and desirable at the moment. He tried to reassert his man claim. Also Eggers specifically put details how during the bang Ellen wanted Thomas to kiss her heart emulating how Orlok feeds from heart and Ellen continued to talk about Orlok during the bang too. Quite easy for a lot of people to believe that no matter what Thomas did as a husband he was not quite enough as a lover and man for Ellen under these circumstances. Eggers was not going for them to be happy fulfilling couple. Not to mention that even composer of that thing said that he composed music as if for a wedding for scene where Orlok and Ellen were banging, he feeds on her. Maybe they executed the whole thing poorly, including Eggers himself, but their intentions in many places were pretty evident and felt.

See, none of that was what I got from any of those parts at all, even if it's what was intended.

I didn't get the impression that thomas was just trying to "assert dominance" because he'd been so into her before all of this- he'd never needed goading to want her, and seemed to only need it now because she's disturbingly possessed -and because the taunt was specifically about being able to please Ellen, an aspect of sex which isn't conventionally seen as macho and/or particularly masculine. It was definitely an attempt to goad him into sex by bruising his ego, but...I don't know. I didn't see it as him laying claim to her as property or whatever.

And the kissing of her heart being like Orlock feeding- since that wasn't stated onscreen and I never thought she seemed into Orlock after the initial scene where their tryst turns violent, in the flashback, my mind wasn't going to go there. like if the "sex" is convulsions that keep her from getting any rest and she evinces every desire to have them stop, and she tells him off in no uncertain terms when he does show up...how am I supposed to get even a "she's Conflicted about her Desires" from that? At no point did she seem remotely into Orlock to me

also, what she says about Orlock during sex is "let him see our love." that sounded very much to me like she was trying to prove to Orlock that she wanted thomas in a way she'd never want him, and she wasn't his to control. there is one (1) "Orlock is a great lover" comment and ALL the rest is basically "fuck Orlock; I want you, thomas." not a great way to convey her desire for the vampire, IMO

I got the wedding analogue from the costumes in the scene where Orlock has sex with her [in my view, rape by coercion, since again she did not seem to want it and only agreed because he killed all her friends] and feeds on her, but since- again -any desire on her part for Orlock did not translate for me, I saw it more like "wearing her wedding dress to finally let go of her guilt and belief that she's ~unclean~- accepting that this is not her fault, and therefore she is not stained by it." and maybe a last reminder of the life SHE chose for herself: she will never be his bride, not really, only thomas'. a last defiance of this man who's shadowed her life for years and is now taking it away from her

clearly that's not what Eggers intended- but as I said, IMO he didn't do a good job of actually making his intent known onscreen

I love a good dark vampire-fucking romance! but you have to actually show me a REASON to root for that pairing besides "he was a vampire; she was a goth; can I make it any more obvious?"

[wqlfstqr]

Hii can you write Leo x Reader where r wears a dress or skirt and Leo can’t focus bc she looks soooooo perfect? ( friends to loversss ) idk i feel like it would be cute😅

⋆𐙚 short skirts and short circuits 𖥻 leo valdez

▰▰ pairing : leo valdez x fem!reader

Leo has tried way too hard not to crush on his best friend. But when she suddenly decides to wear a skirt— yeah. That'll be a problem for him.

mari talks! i love leo requests hehe

warnings: no use of y/n, no cabin mentioned for reader.

Leo Valdez is great with machines. Engines, gears, blueprints, schematics. He knows it all. That's his thing. And he excels at it.

With humans, on the other hand... He isn't that great in that department. Especially when it comes to girls. Definitely when it comes to his best friend casually wearing a skirt around him.

She has always been cute. He knows that. Adorable. With paint on her fingers half the time, hair always pulled back into a ponytail, denim overalls over her camp orange shirt.

She has been his person since day one at camp. The one that always had his back— comfort in the shape of the only girl who doesn't treat him like a ticking time bomb. So yeah, Leo has always found her beautiful, to say the least.

But she isn't supposed to look like that.

She isn't supposed to just come into bunker nine wearing a skirt. A short skirt. And makeup that make her eyes sparkle in a way he thinks not even fireworks could replicate.

Safe to say, he almost sets something on fire the second his eyes fall on her.

"Hey." She says casually, like she didn't just rewrite the laws of his universe.

He drops his wrench with a loud clank. "Uh- hello."

Smooth. Real smooth, Leo.

He blinks at her, totally stunned. "Are you... going somewhere?"

"No? Just felt like dressing up." She shrugs.

Dressing up. Just because. Just felt like turning Leo's world upside down. Perfect.

Leo turns back to his half-built project and wills his hands to stop shaking. Focus. Focus on the bolts. Not the way her skirt twirls when she moves. Not the way her lips shine with lipgloss.

"Watcha working on today?" She comes closer to him, and Leo feels as stiff as a board.

"I— um— a new..." Gods, has he forgotten how to talk? "Stabilizer for- y'know... Festus."

She probably doesn't realize what she's doing to him, because she simply smiles and sits on a nearby stool, propping her chin on her hand to watch him work. Like always. Except this time, she's swinging her legs, almost as if she has a personal vendetta against his attention span.

He fumbles for the wrench again and nearly knocks over an entire tray of gears.

"You okay?" she asks, innocent and sweet and so pretty, Leo thinks it should probably be illegal.

"I—I'm fine. Yep. Totally. Great." His voice cracks a little. "Just short-circuited a little. I mean. Not me. The gear. Yeah, the gear short-circuited. I'm... great."

"You're acting weird." She giggles. "And I mean, weirder than usual."

"I'm acting..." Leo turns to look at her, eyes wide, hands shaking. "You're the one acting weird! You— Look at you! It looks like you're actively trying to melt my CPU."

She tilts her head, giggling innocently as if she doesn't understand what she's doing. Meanwhile, her legs are still softly swinging and the lipgloss shines under the light. This is so unfair.

"You're staring." She teases, but she can't help the way her voice sounds a little hopeful.

Leo opens his mouth. Closes it. Then opens it again.

"I'm not— I mean. Maybe. A little?" He scratches the back of his head. "It's not my fault you came in here looking like that, okay?"

"Like what?" Her eyes widen, mocking innocense as she stands up and walks closer to him.

He points to the skirt as if it personally tried to end him. Which, it really did. Almost killed him.

She raises her eyebrows, looking down as if she just realized she's wearing that damn skirt. "So the skirt's the problem?"

"No! I mean— there’s no problem with the skirt." He groans, hiding his face behind a dirty rag. "It's just... I'm— I've been trying hard. Really hard not to have a crush on you for like, years, and now you just show up like this and— and you really can't do that!"

"Why can't I? I mean it's just—" She stops once she has fully processed his words, the teasing smile drops from her face, replaced by something more softed, almost vulnerable. "You have a crush on me?"

Leo blinks at her, surprised. "I mean, obviously? Have you met you?"

There’s a beat of silence, her cheeks feel warm and it's definitely not because of the steam always coming from whatever Leo's working on.

"And you look pretty." He blurts out, feeling more nervous as the silence stretches. "I mean, you always look pretty. But like— extra pretty. Today. Right now."

"Are you flirting with me, Valdez?" She asks, voice suddenly unsure even as she tries to keep teasing him.

"No. I mean. Yes? I'm trying to." He admits, looking down. "I never really know what i'm doing when i'm around you."

She stares at him for a second, lips parted as if she's trying to figure out if she heard him right. And then she laughs. For a second, Leo thinks she's laughing at him. But no. That laugh is not teasing or mean, it just sounds... relieved.

"Leo." She says softly, smiling at him. "I've been trying to flirt with you for months."

His eyes snap up. "What?"

"Yeah." Hesitantly, she steps a little closer to him. "But since you never acknowledged it, I just kinda figured... you weren't interested."

Leo thinks maybe he'll be exploding like his inventions in just about any second.

He scrubs a hand down his face. "Gods, I'm so dumb."

She giggles, reaching to pull his hand down, instead taking it in hers. "Maybe just a little oblivious?"

"Definitely." He agrees, finally dropping the rag he has been torturing with his hands. "But—"

He takes a deep breath, eyes connecting with hers as he hesitantly places his hand on her waist. He tugs her closer, guiding her to stand between his legs where he's sitting.

"This is me noticing." He tells her, voice still unsure. "And the flirting? It's working. Really working. Like i'm about five seconds from completely short-circuiting."

She's blushing, he can see it now that he's closer. "So... what happens now?"

Leo doesn’t know where he finds the courage to, but instead of replying, he's suddenly leaning forward, heart in his throat. And he kisses her.

She melts into it immediately, like this is something she has been waiting too long for. And it's a little messy. But it's perfect, because it's them.

When they finally break apart, she rests her forehead against his, a smile tugging on her lips, the lipgloss smeared. "I should definitely wear skirts more often."

He groans. "I'm never getting anything done ever again."

But Leo Valdez has never been more glad to short-circuit.

[oldfashionedmorphine]

mondays have become my new wednesdays (for wips) since i work on wednesday instead of monday now lol…so with that said, here’s a wip for my byler + henderhop 10 things i hate about you au :)

it’s much longer than i would usually share but i worked a lot on these scenes the past two days and i wish i could start posting this story already, but unfortunately i keep writing everything out of order and there’s a lot that still needs work for the first chapter 🥲 but for now, please enjoy my two favorite schemers; dustin and lucas <3

—————

“Dude, you’ll never guess what happened!”

“What?”

Dustin looks around at the bustling hallway. “On second thought—not here, too many ears,” he says, then he leads Lucas into the nearest bathroom. And Lucas sighs at him when he checks under the stalls to make sure the coast is clear first. “Okay, so get this—she didn’t say no!”

“Huh?”

“I asked Jane out and she didn’t say no.”

“Wait—she actually said yes?”

“Well, no—she still isn’t allowed to date, just like you said—but stay with me a moment, ‘cause here’s the kicker—her dad just changed the rules! She told me she can date once her brother does. Can you believe it?! All we have to do is find someone for him and then it’s a done deal!”

“Uh…we?”

“Yeah, well, I thought since I don’t exactly know enough people around here that maybe you’d have a better idea of who’d be up for such a challenge. ‘Cause Jane said Will’s kind of a—”

“Dick?”

“Yup,” he says, nodding. “So?”

“So, what?”

“Do you know someone who might be interested in dating a difficult guy?”

“Uh…yeah, so here’s the thing…Will’s—”

“Gay? Yeah, I know—Jane told me that already.”

“Right, but that’s the problem—I don’t know of any other gay guys in school. He’s kinda the only one.”

“Oh—shit. That sucks."

“Sorry.”

“No, no—it’s fine. Like every other problem there’s always a solution. We just have to think outside the box.”

“Uh-huh.” Lucas checks his watch. “Well, we only got five more minutes until class starts, so maybe we should—”

“Hold on, I just need a sec—it’ll come to me…” Dustin taps a finger on his bottom lip as he starts to pace back and forth while Lucas folds his arms and leans against the wall. Think, dammit—if no one else in this school is gay, and finding someone outside of town would be too much of a logistical nightmare to try and arrange, then how could we get this to work? It’s not like we can force someone to be gay…but maybe—maybe someone could just pretend—yes! That’s it! He snaps his fingers. “I got it! What if—what if we find a guy and we convince him to pretend he’s interested in Will?”

Lucas furrows his brow. “What?”

“Think about it—we don’t need them to actually be gay, they just need to pretend they are.”

“And how would you convince someone to do that?”

“Easy—with money. Everyone has a price, right?”

“I don’t know about that—would you fake being gay for money?”

“I’m not a potential suitor, so my own personal answer to that question is completely irrelevant to the point I’m making.”

“In other words; no?”

“What?! I never said that! All I’m trying to say is that there’s gotta be one guy in this school willing to date Will for a couple bucks!”

“Well,” Lucas shrugs, “I guess…potentially there is at least one guy I can think of who’d maybe be up for it if the money’s good enough—I mean, I don’t know him that well, I’ve just heard some stuff, so no guarantees—but I definitely don’t have enough money to convince anyone of anything.”

“Me either…” Dustin hums, then he snaps his fingers again. “Which means we’re also gonna need someone to help finance the operation—someone rich, but also stupid enough to believe it's all their idea. Know anyone like that?”

“Actually…yeah.” Lucas grins. “You remember Troy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, the other day after practice, I overheard him in the locker room talking with some of the guys…about Jane.”

“Oh yeah? What’d he say?”

“They were kinda ragging on him a little about how he’s never had a girlfriend and he mentioned that she was the only girl in school he was interested in and how much it sucked she can’t date anyone. So…it’ll probably be pretty easy to convince him to try and pay a guy to date Will if he truly thinks it’ll give him a chance with her.”

“Okay—yeah. We can work with that,” Dustin says. “Think you can get him on board?”

“I’ll talk to him during lunch, but we gotta get to class before—” the bell rings, “—and we’re late.”

“Shit. Sorry.”

“Man, you owe me a soda.”

🟦🟨🟩🟦🟨🟩🟦🟨🟩🟦🟨🟩🟦🟨🟩🟦🟨

Halfway through lunchtime, they get the ball rolling on their ploy with Troy.

Lucas hangs back for a couple minutes while Dustin gets into place. He slides into a seat at a table adjacent to Troy and his friends as nonchalantly as possible—Lucas told him the plan would work best if he didn’t hover, so the compromise was for him to sit within earshot while pretending to study his chemistry textbook. So far they hadn’t noticed him. He gives Lucas a thumbs up from across the cafeteria, then he watches as Lucas signals back before he moves to approache Troy’s table.

“Aye yo, Troy,” Lucas says with a casual upward nod.

Troy looks up at Lucas, seeming mildly annoyed at the intrusion. “Sinclair,” he replies.

“Got a sec?”

“For now. What’s up?”

Lucas takes a seat in one of the empty chairs. “So, uh…couldn’t help but overhear you talking the other day,” he says, then lowers his voice to a whisper and Dustin can barely hear him, “about Jane Hopper.”

He huffs. “Yeah, what about her?”

“I just…I had a thought—figured it couldn’t hurt to run it by you, you know, just to see if it’s something you’d be interested in.”

Troy shares a quick look with one of his friends—James something, from what Dustin can remember—then he looks back at Lucas, shrugging a shoulder. “Shoot.”

“Okay, so, basically, the situation seems to be that you wanna get with Jane, but her dad won’t let her date anyone until her brother starts dating, yet the odds of that ever happening are practically zero, since you’ve got two major factors working against you when it comes to Will Byers; obviously, everyone knows he’s gay, so the—”

“Are you planning on telling me something I don’t already know anytime soon, Sinclair?”

“Dude, let me finish.”

“Then spit it out already.”

“Hire someone. Pay a guy to take him out—ideally someone not afraid of a little challenge since he’s a bit of a headcase.”

Troy frowns, and when it seems as if a cat had got his tongue, his friend James speaks up, “Got anyone in mind?”

Lucas scans the cafeteria, then he points to the guy he told him about earlier—Mike Wheeler. “Him.”

“Frogface?” James says, laughing as he nudges Troy in the arm.

“Yup. He’s the one you want.”

“Okay, but why him?” Troy asks, brow still furrowed.

“Well, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but the word is that his parents cut him off after he got sent to juvie during sophomore year, so he’s always strapped for cash now—my friend Greg said he was even bragging to some guys in his English class about how he sold part of his liver on the black market to buy a new bass guitar last summer. So I highly doubt he’d say no if you make it worth his while. Plus, he’s clearly done way worse shit than having to date someone like Will Byers—just seems like a solid investment to me.”

“Right,” Troy says—he doesn’t seem convinced or all that interested. “If you say so.”

“Hey—all I’m saying is it can’t hurt to see if he’s willing. You’ve really got nothing to lose if he says no, but everything to gain if he says yes. He gets paid, you get laid—just sayin’.”

Troy’s face turns the slightest shade of pink. He glances around the table at his friends, then looks back at Lucas, nodding. “I’ll consider it…but why the hell are you even telling me this anyway? What’s in it for you?”

“Simple. You get Coach to let me start for finals. I’m tired of being kept on the bench until the last five minutes of the game in the hopes I’ll score him a Hail Mary. Because it’s complete bullshit. You know full well we wouldn’t even need a Hail Mary if he gave me more time on the court, but for some strange reason Coach doesn’t see it that way, and we all know you’re the only one who can change his mind—seeing as he’s your dad and all.”

“Fine. But I swear, Sinclair, you better not choke if—”

Lucas snorts, then he gets up from the table. “Trust me, I won’t…anyway, I’ll catch you ladies later at practice.” He starts to walk away and nods at Dustin, signaling him to follow him, and then they both head toward the cafeteria exit.

“Are we sure we can trust him though?” Dustin asks once they’re in the hallway.

“Man, I wouldn’t trust Troy any farther than you could throw him…but if he can’t convince Mike to take out Will, then it won’t even matter anyway. Right?”

“True…”

tagging some of my fans: @boahey @total-serene560 @magentamee @greenfiend @foodiewithdahoodie @smalltownwheeler @stranger-things-yapper

[comradesepsis]

Not trying to derail this, but something similar happened back in April to my CIS MALE boyfriend. He's short and kinda babyfaced and still dressing basically the same as he did in 2008, which was emo/alt.

And back in 2008 he was getting harassed for Looking Gay, so it's not like this is new, exactly. Restrooms have never been bastions of safety even for cis people.

But there's definitely been an uptick in bathroom scrutiny across the board. We've all seen the stories of cis women getting harassed for Looking Too Butch in the ladies' room, but the problem is also happening in the mens' room.

And again, it's not like nobody was policing gender/gender expression before the current wave of transphobia. And it's not like getting beaten up for Looking Too Gay is really all that different from getting beaten up for Looking Too Trans. But still, ten years ago that shit was the realm of dedicated bigotry and public opinion broadly agreed that it was wrong. The current wave of hysteria over trans people has made it a LOT more acceptable to be an asshole to anyone who doesn't look "right."

It's harder to pass now than it was ten years ago, I think.

So I’m at the stage in my transition where I’ve switched to the men’s bathroom, because people swear up and down I pass (hey, note to all the cis people reading this, DON’T tell your trans friends they pass just to make us feel better, this shit can put us in actual danger if we believe you! Just be honest! Tell me if I’m clockable, it’s for my safety!)

Anyway, so I go into the men’s restroom today, it’s empty, only guy in there is a worker that’s cleaning the stalls. There’s a freshly cleaned one thank fuck. Right as I’m about ready to enter, a group of at least five or more cis boys (late teens or young adults) head right in and I just hear, “hey, this is the men’s right?”

I duck into the stall. I sit there for ten minutes waiting for these guys to leave, they’re loud as fuck and yelling at each other and one of them won’t shut the fuck up about a “woman in the bathroom” with them. And his friends are all like, “really, where?” “I think a stall” and I just have to sit there until they leave. I’m texting my friend in the stall because she’s right outside. She’s trying to assure me that they aren’t paying attention to me, they’re likely just doing their business. No, one of them, the one that clocked me, was very much interested in me. She tells me when they’ve finally left.

She seems to understood that I was in some danger, but I had to explain to her just how much, because she really thought I could just walk out of there and be okay. “What, did you think they’d like ambush you outside the stall? Or harass you?”

Fucking yes? One of them kept saying “there’s a woman in here” to his friends. And why did it take so fucking long for them to finally leave?

On a funny note, someone came over to the stall, and some guy was like, “I think someone’s tryna take a shit in there” it was just me waiting lmao. Also I’m two years on testosterone, high dose, I need people to shut the fuck up about how we all pass perfectly after like a year.

[shaky-b0n3s]

I need more people to make earth-shattering angst of Roger, i beg. Most posts i see about Post Island aus make the saddest headcannons for the other characters, and then when they get to Roger, they're just like, "him? Yeah, he dgaf." LIKE PLEASE more people feed me with Roger angst. I need it so bad. 💔

Anyways, here are some of my post island headcannons for Roger. It's time for the king of ranting to rant again. 💔💔

A lot of my angst for Roger in my au's i have in my head is that whole religious trauma thing that i made a post on not so long ago. I won't add much details onto here, but if anyone wants me to go more into this, i will! But basically sexual abuse in Catholic churches was unfortunately common at the time the book takes place, so i kinda have a little theory that the choir boys could've been assaulted by a member of the church. This theory came from the pig scene, and since that scene focused heavily on Roger and how he killed the pig, i feel like it could've affected him more/different than the other boys.

(I also use Simon a lot with this idea because he watched all the stuff with the pig unfold but doesn't say anything. In my little au's, Simon is aware of this happening to Roger. He is told to stay quiet about it as well so he does, but he still watches over Roger from a far, noticing his actions but never speaking up about it).

Im my au, which is what mainly causes Roger to act so quiet and secretive. (Partially for Simon as well but less so.) In his mind, if he stays quiet and blends in more, he's 1 less likely to tell someone and get introuble by the perpetrator as well as male sa victims and just victims in general often experience feeling guilty disgusted with themselves for "not doing anything" and "letting it happen" even if there was so way they could've fought back, and 2 he thinks it might make him less likely to be targeted again.

I also feel like his violent actions could've been him kinda taking out thoese feelings on the other kids. It isn't very uncommon for sa victims to develop anger problems/violent patterns after the abuse. In my au, part of the reason he is so violent with the littuns is because seeing them play in the sand without a care in the world makes him a bit angry. Angry about the fact that he wasn't able to just play, not caring about his surroundings after that abuse took place, so when he sees the littuns able to do that, he teies disturbing ot because he doesn't think it's fair.

I also feel like Roger WOULD eventually feel at least a bit of guilt after the island, although i think it would take considerably longer for him then the other kids like possibly not even until his teenage years to fully understand the severity of his actions and how bad everything that happened on island was. Roger, at the end of a day, is a child, and it makes sense that he didn't really understand or seem to care about the event's on the island, especially since, in my opinion he definitely showed signs of struggling with something else pre island because his violent actions are not normal for a kid his age.

He also has some insomnia problems, especially around other people, because in his eyes, he is sleeping around other's = vulnerability. This gets a lot worse on the island, so he has some horrendous eyebags, but he's used to it, so he doesn't really act too tired.

He's also not safe from panic attacks. All those kids in my au'sbare are horrendously traumatized and ALL have anxiety and panicking problems, and he is NOT an exception, although hes are mainly about the pre island stuff because most of my angst for him is revolved around the religious trauma/sa stuff mainly because of the fact that i don't think he'd process all the island stuff till year's later because his brain still was barely even processing the sexual abuse when everything on the island was actively happening

Anyways, that's all for now!! Sorry, chat. I am actually evil when it comes to angst, and he's my favorite, so i am basically using him as a target practice right now because i am allergic to fun and happiness. 💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[trans-yllz]

this is not to say that wei wuxian doesn't very much have a drinking problem, but it's weird to me when people write/draw him getting Drunk. we see him get actually drunk exactly once, and to be fair, at that point he is exiled, coreless, just found out his beloved sister is getting married and he can't go to the wedding, and said what was essentially his last goodbye to the love of his life. I'd probably get drunk too

[rafyki]

I think something that for me really sets aside Jack & Joker from other Thai dramas is its narrative structure. Thai dramas usually have a very simple narrative structure where things just keeps happening without a proper flow - I mean, something happens, it gets resolved, and then something new happen that keeps the story move; you know, all those little problems that aren't really all connected together (like, the main characters get together and then someone new appears that comes in between them; or it turns out that, idk, the family was homophobic all along, or that one of the characters actually had a complicated relationship with their family - things like these that are disconnected).

Maybe it's because Jack and Joker has a pretty solid and complicated plot, but something that I really love about it is the way everything that happens is connected, everything is a direct consequence of the characters' actions. It's like this since the first episode until the last one - the plot is brought forward by the characters' actions, everything they do has consequences on everything and everyone else. Like, Joke seeks Jack's forgiveness, so he wants to steal the ring for him, and he works with Tattoo and Hoy -> Tattoo steals the necklace which causes problems for everyone -> they need to steal the necklace back -> Jack meets Rose again, which causes everything else to happen, etc etc

Everything is connected. And I think it all comes back to one of the series' themes, which is that everything we do has consequence, that even if out intentions are good we can't predict what our actions will cause; that we live in a community and that we cannot think about ourselves only bc every time we do something that can end up influencing someone else's life. that we can't be selfish in a community.

[darabeatha]

Valentines' personality test ! : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐃𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐘, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋 𝐎𝐍𝐄. 𝐋.𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑.

[entering--hyperspace]

Cannot imagine whatever is going on through Mr Leonard Echowatcher's head. You spend your life yearning for a world where you lived differently, where the day wasnt soaked in war, blood, and battle. Where you could envision a future where you have a partner and a family with friends to live gracefully with. But then you are given such opportunities only to find you were never taught to be gentle, you have a gentle, empathetic nature and yet the physicality of it is a stranger to you. You are expected to raise a child with gentle hands so that she saves the world, What does that even mean? How can you accept your growing love for your friend when you were never taught how to love, that intimate love is a luxury best left forgotten, there are no need for such things in war. He has to learn to become the things he wanted bc he grew too old to develop it naturally. He becomes a father to taimi fumbling his way into learning how to care and parent, he is defensive of Aurene bc he is from a culture where they arent expected to raise their own young and yet has to do so with a dragon. It feels like a test, He has to prove both to others and to himself he is capable of being a father, of nuturing, that calloused, stained hands can still be gentle. He has to accept that love is a terrifying leap of faith in vulnerability in order to gain a partnership that is considered a rarity. I love the idea that he spent 30 years yearning for things he thought he would never have and when he is actually given those opportunities (albeit admittedly through unusual circumstances) he has to learn how to actually live in them, becuase they were always just Concepts until now. Ohhhh my god Mr. Leo you are my everything

[no1ryomafan]

Related to my various rambles of “I need to do a proper getter essay or just a video essay in general but haven’t” I actually do have one essay still setting in my docs that wasn’t scrapped and I finished which I could make into a video ignoring the basic problems in my way like I do not have a proper mic, I know how to edit yet it’s still going to take a lot of time which I’m busy rn and copyright sucks ass-seriously how do people get around it?-but I’m hesitant against doing it as my first essay because the topic is like- comparing michiru and genki to mitsuko and masaru and while they are similar I think on reflection this was me trying to hard to compare two things I like just to complain about a issue that is exclusive to getter which is how michiru and genki are handled which like- could be its own separate video being fucking honest.

[ploverbear]

I wanna make more sense of Petscop just from like. my brain and not looking things up and trying to see what I can form. But I do think it's a really obtuse reading of it to assert that Paul and Care and "Pall" are not the same person. But I'm trying to entertain the thought just to look at it from another angle

[queencvbra]

I am. So so scared about that they're doing with Tory this season lol.

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads / storygraph

We Are The Crisis

book two in the Convergence Saga, a contemporary fantasy/horror series

werewolves and other supernatural creatures have been revealed to the world, and the world is changing. They fight for safety and rights, but many are going missing and anti-monster militant groups are on the rise

told nonlinearly, follows a large cast of characters

community, activism & civil rights, complicated families

[the-physicality]

.

[suggsnkisses]