#aspie woman

[thesilmarillionblog]

ANOTHER LIFE

Summary: You find out that you're pregnant with Soldier Boy’s child, but knowing what Butcher’s wife has been through and that you won’t make it like her, he doesn’t want you to keep it. You try to convince him that you’ll be okay, but you need to face what’s to come.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Pregnant!Reader

Warnings: +18 (MINORS DNI), angst, hurtful, language, pregnancy, threat, pregnant sex, blood, mention of abortion, mention of death, angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 5807

A/N: English is not my first language.

With a bashful smile on your lips, you looked at Ben, whose eyes were locked on the positive result, while you joyfully looked at the pregnancy test with your hands stopped on your tummy. Since you were already married and had been living together for a while, you were confident that this news would strengthen your bond even more.

He merely stated, “We are not keeping it,” glaring at you and clenching his jaw when he saw your hands halt on your tummy. “I'll find a doctor for the abortion.”

You stood up, gently inquired, “Why?” and put your hand on his arms to stop him before he could leave the room.

You didn't understand why he was acting this way at all, because you knew he had always wanted to start a family. Right now, you ought to be enjoying the news.

Your touch tightened his muscles, and he took a deep breath. In an attempt to ease him up, you stroked his cheek, but it felt as though he was building barriers between you, just as on the day of your first meeting.

“We already know Butcher's wife's fate, don't we? You wouldn't survive such a thing.”

You smiled at him a little, realizing that he wasn't against the baby; rather, he was only worried about you. He was upset by your ease with the issue, though, as he could see that you didn't give a damn about what he said.

“Becca did not pass away during childbirth.” You attempted to comfort him. “For me, it won't be any different with good doctors.”

You glanced at him, hoping that, for the moment at least, he wouldn't be obstinate about this and would instead trust you.

"Are you even aware of what you're saying?" He questioned you in a disapproving tone, pushed your hands away from his face, and spoke out. "Just because she made it through doesn't imply you will too. What will happen, do you know? You'll be torn apart, limb by limb, by this nasty beast. You will fucking die and suffer.”

You said to him, “Ben,” in an attempt to soothe him. You gave him a hug, despite the way he shoved your hands away. “Together, we've overcome many obstacles and established a family of our own. Despite what we've been told, there was no possibility that I would become pregnant.” You squeezed his hands and remarked, “This baby is a gift.”

“A gift? It is a fucking punishment and a fucking pain on my ass already,” he grunted and hugged you back tightly.

“Stop calling the baby 'it',” you snapped out of nowhere. “Why are you being like this?”

“It is just an annoying fetus, a virus, not a baby,” he said harshly, looking at your stomach with irritation as if you were sick. “You’re going to get an abortion.”

You pushed him away from you, tears welling up in your eyes, and he withdrew his hands. You had doubts about whether he would ever reconsider.

“I won’t, Ben,” you said firmly. “I won’t just fucking murder my child. You cannot force me to do such a thing."

“You won’t murder it, but it fucking will murder you,” he yelled at you suddenly.

You took a step back, your lips parted in shock at the expression on his face. He hadn't yelled at you in such a furious manner in a very long time. You put your hands on your tummy as if he would hurt you.

His attitude toward you and the baby was crushing your heart, so you sat down on the bed. How could you even kill your own child by going under the knife because Ben believed you wouldn't survive? You were aware that childbirth always carries some risk, even in cases where the kid turned out to be normal and not a supe. Any woman who aspired to motherhood was ready to take a risk.

You said, “Why do you think I'm weaker than Becca—that she survived but I can't?” You were unsure of which was worse—his hatred for your unborn baby or his perception of your weakness.

Seeing your wet eyes, he softened his tone and said, “It's not that I think you are weak or something. It, fuck, I mean the baby, will most highly have the exact power I have; the baby will do anything to get rid of from your womb when your water breaks,” he continued, sitting by your side and taking your hand in his. “Just like I do when I'm really furious or stressed, the baby will explode if it becomes even slightly stressed or when it senses your distress. The reason Butcher's wife survived is that the baby didn't explode to escape her womb; instead, it just wanted to be out. It will be worse for you.”

You listened to him with terror, not having a single idea how and when he did learn the details about Becca’s childbirth. You were overwhelmed trying to imagine the scenario he created. That must be the reason he was acting so strangely and coldly in the last two weeks.

“How do you know such things?” You whispered, not knowing how to react.

“I already knew that you were pregnant before the stupid test. It was clear from your scent and all,” he said, looking at your locked hands. “And I searched for details about Butcher’s wife’s childbirth. We should be glad that we have an example in front of us.”

“I can’t do this, Ben. I want to keep the baby,” you sobbed, feeling pressured. “I can’t go under the knife.”

“Why are you so fucking selfish?” he asked. “Did you even fucking listen to me?”

“We don’t even know it for sure. What you’ve said is just a theory,” you said, hoping he would change his mind or at least listen to you a bit.

“It’s a fucking possibility, a high one, and it’s enough for us to get rid of this monster as soon as possible.”

“I won’t do it, Ben. I can’t have an abortion based on what you think is going to happen in the future,” you answered with a firm voice.

Even though he was able to control his abilities and the power hidden in his chest, he felt as though he was losing control of himself and his temper after witnessing your selfishness and obsession with a tiny fetus. Ben stood up and moved away from you.

He sternly remarked, “If anything happens to you, if you die in childbirth, I will kill the baby, I fucking swear.”

“Have you gone insane?” You sobbed as you realized how serious he was, and your eyes widened in terror. “How are you even able to say something like that?”

“I don't give a fuck.” He was very serious as he snapped, “I won't even blink.”

Whispering softly, “But then I’d die for nothing,” you looked at him with pleading eyes. He was not giving you a chance, but he was not giving a chance to your unborn baby either.

“Huh,” he said, biting his lip, giving you an insidious smile. “That’s something we can both agree on, sweetheart.”

After a few months, Ben spent most of his time at Vought, or God knows where, rather than respecting your decision, accepting the situation, or having a conversation about it. Despite all your efforts to talk to him, he hardly spent any time with you in the house. After two months, he no longer argued with you. He scared the shit out of you when he nearly blew up the house during your argument. Though it was selfish of you, you made the decision, knowing that he was very concerned about you and that it was hurting him to consider the uncertain future that lay ahead of you. If only he knew how much the distance in his eyes hurt you.

Your belly started to show up, and it was already too late for an abortion, which was something you didn’t even consider once. It was almost the fifth stage of your pregnancy, after all. Ben had stopped fighting with you, and you went to the hospital all alone, even though Annie and Kimiko offered to come with you.

You waited for Ben to come home the day you learned that you were pregnant with a boy. You thought that would make Ben’s heart at least a bit soften and make him a bit more eased or even glad when you shared the news as he lay beside the bed. However, he didn’t even say a single word. He just closed his eyes and let you stay on his warm chest. You were too close yet too distant.

“At least, could you say something?” You whispered to him, and he just took a deep breath and wrapped his powerful arms around your body. You begged him again, “Please,” but he kept his eyes closed and put a bit distance between your belly and his, trying not feel the growing life inside you. He considered your baby like an enemy, a monster.

Even though you were eager to enjoy your pregnancy together and fix things with him, he was acting as though you were waiting for your execution day. You knew that he was still angry with you, and he was right about it considering your uncertain future in front of you, but there was no need to live like strangers while you were married. His support and tenderness would mean a lot, at least to ease your distress.

Your unbalanced hormones weren't helping at all, as it had been a while since he touched you, and he had avoided doing so since your belly had begun to swell.

“I’m tired. Sleep,” he said firmly.

“Could you please at least come with me to the hospital for a regular check once a month? You don’t have to be inside of the room.”

“I don’t want it.”

He probably didn’t have an idea about how much the way he talked so sharply and coldly broke your heart, but you didn’t give up.

“Why not?” you asked softly, lifting your head to look at him, trying to talk about it.

“It’s just that I don’t want it,” he said with an irritated voice, cutting it short. “Are you going to force me to do something I don’t want to do again?”

You approached him and again pressed your cheek against his muscled chest, whispering, “No. But I'm so lonely.”

It was impossible to get through to him because of his stubbornness, even though you needed him to show you his love and care—at least to touch your belly and comfort you.

“How come you would feel that way?” He asked in a mocking tone, “You have your baby boy, right?”

“Can you believe that I don't even experience nausea? The doctor says it's nothing out of the ordinary, but he's not making this pregnancy physically more difficult for me or anything. He's going to be a docile boy.”

You occasionally told him about your baby, even though he didn't want to discuss anything except your personal health.

After a moment of silence, “Good for you,” he simply said. “He will be ready to blow your womb up with kindness when the time comes.”

In an attempt to soothe him and set the tone for this conversation, you added, “Ben, I won't die in childbirth, I promise you. Let's try not to make things more difficult for one another than they already are. It won't be easy, but everything will work out in the end. We must confront our future together as a married couple.”

“I told you to get rid of it, but you made every choice by yourself already, selfishly, and now you want me to act like everything's okay when it's fucking not,” he said angrily.

“Ben,” you puffed, and faintly gently stroked his muscular chest, saying, “You're not even listening, and I'm tired of arguing.” Actions speak louder than words, after all.

His eyes narrowed, and he followed your hand as it slid down his strong chest. Feeling the firmness of his body through his sweatpants, you glanced at him expectantly. All you could do was stare with anxiety as you worried that he would stop you again. But he was, you could say, enjoying himself there.

You moved quickly to go on top of him, and as you dropped the nightgown's hanger, exposing your breasts to his view but not your swollen stomach, you waited anxiously for his response. Although he didn't enjoy being the bottom or letting you ride him, he wasn't going to stop you at that moment. Your skin trembled from the cold, even if the room and his body were warm.

He was watching you with an undreadable face, not even touching you, but you knew he desired you. His shaft under you was proof.

“I’ve missed you a lot,” you said as you started to move on top of him, rubbing your pussy against his hardness.

“I can see that,” he said with a rough voice, and he urged your hips to go faster while his eyes were fixed on your breasts. “Do your best, and I might consider fucking you deep and good.”

As your hormones were kicking you hard in the last few days already, you were lost in pleasure and felt yourself getting wetter each second, and your nipples got hard while you were grinding on his hardness with swift movements.

When you sensed that your climax was approaching, you let out a loud moan. It didn't take you long to lose yourself in pleasure because he didn't touch you soon enough. But just as your lips parted with pleasure, he pushed you away from him and got on top of you. You groaned in protest as you lifted your hips to create friction again, but he stopped you turned you so that you were facing the sheets.

With a quick motion, he tore off your panties, and you could feel him taking out his hardness from his sweatpants. Your stomach wasn't flat, so you tried to move a little to find a more comfortable position, but his powerful hands and massive body prevented you from moving even an inch.

You felt he was stroking himself into your wetness from behind, and he groaned, “Stay still; don't move.” With a forceful motion, he spread your legs, and under his strong hands, your pussy throbbed with eagerness.

You pressed your face against the sheets and moaned desperately. You tried to move your hips a bit, urging him to take you already. You didn’t need him to prepare you at all because your body was already craving his presence.

“Ben, please,” you begged him, trying to face him, but he pushed your head and chest a bit hard against the sheets.

“If you want me to fuck you properly, you’ll do as I say,” he said as he pressed the tip of his cock against your entrance and pushed it inside with a rough move.

When he swiftly pushed his shaft inside of yours, you both moaned loudly. Your moan was half in pain because of his roughness and the way he pressed you against the sheets, even though you were wet enough to withstand his hardness.

He placed his bisceps on both sides of your head as he began to rapidly fuck you. He groaned as he fucked you and you felt your pussy already clenching around his cock. You arched your ass up feeling his hot panting on your neck.

You tried to concentrate on the pleasure; you kept your eyes closed, trying not to ruin the moment as he was finally taking you. Even if it hurt to feel your swollen belly pushed hard to the sheets by his heavy waist as he fucked you harder every second, you didn't stop him, tried to endure the pain.

However, as he was moving on top of you, he slammed his massive body into your back even harder, lost in pleasure, and his harsh motions and weight caused you to groan in pain. You shut your eyes, and your hands frantically grasped his wrist. You tried to comfort yourself by holding your belly with your other hand.

He instantly stopped, swearing as he allowed you to take a moment after sensing your discomfort and hearing your agonized gasp. You could feel the pleasure and pain in your legs shivering a little.

“Fuck. Are you alright?” he asked in an anxious tone as he became still within you.

You quickly nodded to him in response, saying, “I am; don't stop. Just try not to press your weight, please,” you said, keeping one hand still on your stomach as you shifted under him a little to allow to catch your breath.

Ben cursed and gazed at your hand, still on your swollen belly, as he came to his senses. As he moved on top of you to a more comfortable and safe position, he apologized in a quiet voice and gave you a firm kiss on the forehead. Your heart warmed with his tenderness for you and you smiled. Maybe you should force him to hurt you a little bit sometimes to make him show his tenderness.

One of his hands stopped on your stomach after he waited a little longer on top of you to give you a moment. Now you were waiting for him on your hands and knees. That was the first moment he touched your belly. Feeling his large, warm hand, you gasped and laid your hand on his as he began to pound into you again, more gently but still rough.

When he shifted a bit and hit your sensitive spot with a rough move, you moaned loadly and your walls clenched tightly around his cock as you orgasmed as soon as he groaned on top of you, saying, “Don’t come yet.”

Your walls continued to clenching around his cock, and he immediately began to spill inside of you as he kept cursing. He filled your pussy with his thick white ropes, and he said, “You can't even fucking listen to me just once, right? I might start to think that you're doing it on purpose to make me crazy, sweetheart.”

He pulled out his cock very carefully when it softened inside you. You felt incredibly satisfied, and bliss came over you because it had been a long time since he took you like this.

He turned you back and gave you a firm kiss on the lips. You couldn’t stop smiling between his warm kisses. You felt your body and hormones finally ease.

“Rather than keep fighting, we should have been doing this, you know,” you murmured, and you put your hands around his back. “These hormones are making me crazy.”

He chuckled softly, gave you another kiss on the forehead, and looked at your swollen belly with an unreadable face.

“I don’t even know how to fucking kill myself if anything happens to you,” he said, looking into your eyes with a pained expression. “I can’t live without you.”

You felt your heart broken under his sincere confession. You knew he was extremely concerned about you, and that was the first time he was this honest with you. Shifting under him and taking his hand, putting it on your belly, you kissed him as you said, “Why do you still have trust issues? I’m more strong than you think. I promise you, Ben. This baby will change everything in a good way. You’ll be the best daddy. You’ll see it.”

You gave him a playful smile as he moved his hand vaguely on your belly.

“Yeah,” he sighed and raised his eyebrows, looking to your body. “Best daddy to threaten an unborn baby with death and murder. What a start, right?”

You chuckled and gave him a quick kiss before you shifted under him and leaned your back to his chest.

“Well,” you said, taking his hand and putting it on your low belly. “It is a start at least.”

You closed your eyes when a sudden tiredness came over your body, and you held his hand tighter.

He pulled you to his body like you would vanish at any moment and murmered, “I’m sorry for everything I have done to you.”

“I am not,” you said with a smile on your face. “Stop overthinking, Ben.”

Ben hardly left the house, and you two began to spend the entire time together. You were worried by Vought's extreme interest in your pregnancy, and you and Ben took steps to ensure that the media was kept informed about what was going on. It was frightening and distressing to think that Vought and other devils looked after your child. That was one of the reasons you needed to endure childbirth and be strong.

You were taken to a special Vought hospital, which was a bit far away from the capital, when you reached the last stage of your pregnancy. His energetic and unpatient kicks started to hurt a lot, but you didn’t tell Ben not to stress him out any further. The energy in his chest was getting out of control lately, and there were times he nearly blew up. So, it was suggested that he not come to the hospital until you delivered the baby. You needed him to be with you so badly, but it was better for him not to see your pain.

Thankfully, Kimiko and Annie were there for you and took care of you. You didn’t want to be alone with those doctors at all. They were Vought’s doctors, after all. The boys made sure Ben didn’t blow up, and they watched over him all the time. Annie told you that Ben wanted to come nearer to the hospital at least, but you knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he kept calling you every hour, checking on you if you were doing okay though it was you that reassured him everything would be alright soon and as though he was the one to deliver a supe baby.

When your water broke in the middle of the night, there was no pain like it. Annie and Kimiko did their best to help the doctors while you were being prepared. You screamed at her not to call Ben.

As you saw the doctors prepare to cut open your stomach, Kimiko held your hands firmly above your head. Ben's theory about the baby blowing up inside of you crossed your mind as you tried to remain composed and control your breathing. You also tried to keep your mind off the pain, but before the doctors could do anything, you felt powerful kicks on your lower abdomen that tore you open and made it clear he was done with patience and wanted to be out as soon as possible. You weren't even slightly helped by anesthesia. Even though you clamped your jaw and closed your eyes so you could ignore the blood all over the bed, you couldn't help but scream.

You heard Annie gasping in shock and saying, “Oh, god. I can’t watch this.”

The knives in the doctor’s hand were everywhere in your stomach while they all tried to calm you down, but your pained screams filled the whole hospital. You felt you were losing your consciousness, even if you did your best to keep your eyes open. All you thought about was Ben at that moment and the whole thing you'd been through together. You didn’t want to prove him right about you being weak. You wished he was there with you so badly that you cried even harder.

“Take him out!” you screamed at the doctors while you were crying, and you fisted your hand till you bled your palms while Kimiko watched everything in terror in her eyes.

You watched in amazement while you saw the baby finally coming out of your stomach, which was ripped open, but you couldn’t stop smiling despite all the pain. His little chest was glowing a bit, but he wasn’t crying. You overcame the worst, you told yourself.

The room was filled with blood, and so was your baby. You wanted to reach for him, but you couldn’t manage to find the energy. You heard Annie, and the doctors were saying stuff, though you didn’t understand what it was about at all. Losing your consciousness, your eyes shut. You needed a long rest.

While doctors did their best to keep you alive for hours, it was already morning. Annie finally found the courage to call Butcher and tell him about your condition. She didn’t know how Ben would respond through the phone and wasn’t even sure if he listened to her completely, so she thought it would be better if Butcher talked to Ben.

“Congratulations, Soldier Daddy Boy,” said Butcher with an anxious voice to Ben as he entered the room. “Annie just told me Y/N delivered the baby last night.”

Butcher gave Hughie an exchange of looks while Ben’s chest started to glow as he shut his eyes.

“How is she?” Ben growled, waiting to hear the worst.

“Hey, calm down,” Billy said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The smoke was already rising from his chest, ready to blow up the whole building. “She’s not dead.”

“I’ll fucking kill you all if you are lying.” Ben pushed Butcher, with a harsh move, to the nearest wall as he tried to calm himself down. He didn’t know how long it would take him to wake up if he blew up right there. All he needed was to see if you were really okay.

Hughie gave Ben an awkward look and murmured, "Congratulations for..." but before he could say anything more, Ben pushed him against the wall next to Butcher and said, “Fuck you.”

Ben looked at the doctors, who were attempting to explain that it would take two or three months for you to fully recover, with a homicidal glare when he realized that you were dead asleep on the bed. But it wouldn’t take long you to get your consciousness back. He wouldn't even consider twice about killing those fuckers in an instant if you didn't need them.

They all told him that you were pretty strong, but it didn’t mean anything to him right there while you were half dead on the bed. His supe ears focused on your weak heartbeat behind the glass. He struggled for hours to stay calm and not explode, but it was getting impossible.

“Hey,” Annie said with an anxious voice while she gave a look to your motionless body on the bed and the look on Ben’s face as he stood without doing anything, lost in thoughts. “Would you like to see your baby? He is pretty cute.”

“Fuck off,” Ben simply said.

Hughie and Butcher approached Annie, and Hughie said, “May I see the baby? I already bought a toy,” with a shy smile on his face.

Annie gave him a warm smile and a nod and led him to the room at the end of the corridor.

At the end of the three weeks, Ben finally relieved himself a bit, seeing that your condition was getting better and your heartbeat wasn’t weak anymore. He refused to see the baby until he was sure you were finally recovering. Butcher and the others didn’t leave Ben alone, since his nerves were pretty sensitive. In addition, he knew Hughie and Kimiko were spending their whole time with the baby in his special room. Though he didn’t see the baby once, he kept asking doctors about his health and everything else. He knew he was doing alright; he was a supe baby after all.

Annie had already left the hospital a few days before. The current state of Vought worsened by Ben's sudden disappearance. The public and media weren't informed. Butcher, Hughie, and Kimiko stayed with him and with you to make sure Ben didn't lose his temper.

Ben sighed and went to visit his son when his supe hearing focused on his small mumbles. Even though it was becoming late, it didn't appear like he was sleeping. He knew you didn't suffer for hours only to see you ignore your own son, since it wasn't his fault for being a supe baby after all.

Ben saw his son watching the spinning toy reach up to his crib when he came into the room. Based on the silly lullaby that came out of it, it was most likely Hughie's present.

The moment his son began to make little noises, Ben's heart warmed. When their gazes connected, he smiled, as though he recognized his dad. He stretched for his arms, his little chest glowing. It's likely that his son sensed the familiar scent of his father.

“Hey there,” Ben murmered, his eyes fixed on his son’s chest, which kept glowing and lightening the dark room. He took him from his cradle carefully. “You’re not going to blow your daddy up, right?”

However, his chest started to return to normal as soon as Ben took him in his arms and gave a kiss to his little forehead.

“You know,” he said with a playful tone as he touched his son’s cheeks. “You are lucky your daddy’s the strongest supe in the world, but you are even more lucky your mommy is pretty strong too.”

Ben chuckled when he saw his son begin to play with the small eagle symbol on his suit and quickly rip it off. “It seems like you're a strong little man. I wonder how I'm going to sew it now.”

Ben took one of the toys from his son’s cradle, and he kept kissing his little forehead while he left the room. “Do you want to see your mom?”

Butcher and Hughie were eating sandwiches in the middle of the corridor, and Butcher smirked when he saw Ben approaching with his son on his chest and a toy in his other hand.

"Well, well, well,” he said, giving Ben a side smile. “Big bad daddy finally remembered he has a son.”

“Call me daddy again when I’m deep in your throat,” Ben murmered as he looked at your sleeping form behind the glass.

“Are you kissing your son with that mouth?” Butcher said while was drinking coke.

Ben simply said, “Fuck you,” as he led his footsteps to your room.

He didn't feel comfortable or at peace at all when he spent weeks keeping watch over your tired body in bed. But at least you were alive and would be well soon enough. Your heart was starting to beat stronger already. Last week, you even opened your eyes twice, but you fell back asleep right away.

Ben's small son's head turned as if he sensed his mother's presence before he moved his body from his chest to yours. Perhaps it was like his dad's scent that drew him in, or his supe senses in general.

He reached his little arms to your body on the bed immediately as he mumled excitedly, but Ben kept him in place.

“Hey,” said Ben, trying to distract him with the toy. “Let your mommy rest, little eagle.”

While Ben tried to calm his son down, his son's small chest started to glow while he still tried to reach his small hands to your body. He was trying to get rid of Ben’s hold. It made Ben a bit nervous for the first time in his life. So that was how people felt about his blowing-up issue when he was about to lose his temper.

“You really want to challenge me?” Ben asked. He chuckled and got closer to your body, letting his hands touch your cheeks. But he held his hands carefully, remembering that his son was a supe who didn’t have any control over his strength. “So be it.”

Feeling soft hands on your face, your eyes started to open again. You didn’t know what day it was or if you were alive or dead. You frowned at your eyes, feeling tired as hell. Your stomach also hurts a lot.

“Ben?” You murmered with a small voice, trying to stay awake and not fall asleep again.

All you heard was him arguing, but you didn’t understand what was going on at all. Then you heard him saying “fuck” and pushing a button beside your bed. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Your eyes met with the most beautiful face you’ve seen in your entire life, and you gathered your whole strength to touch your son’s face as he kept mumbling while his hand was touching your cheek as though he were trying to talk to you. He was worth everything you've been through.

“I am okay, just tired,” you murmered as your eyes watered. “He’s so beautiful. I can’t believe he’s mine.”

“Actually, ours. He is and is also pretty strong. He ripped off my fucking suit,” Ben chuckled as he stilled your son with his big hands, sitting on your bed carefully. “I have missed you so fucking much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” you said giving him a smile. “I told you I would survive, right?”

“Yeah,” he said proudly, squeezing hand hand softly. “I’m so fucking glad you were right about everything.”

“Stop swearing, Ben. The first word he’s gonna say will be ‘fuck’ because of you,” you giggled. “Are you kissing our son with that mouth?”

He chuckled and said “I’ll do worse things with that mouth,” as leaned and gave you a firm kiss.

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A/N: My idea was to kill the reader from the very beginning, but she convinced me not to do it. I always thought fanfiction and the characters had power over the writers, not vice versa. I guess fanfictions write themselves; maybe we, as writers, create nothing at all. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! Check my masterlist for other Soldier Boy / Reader stories.

[frail-and-freakish]

today, april 11th, is the anniversary of Mel Baggs' death. Mel Baggs was one of the early founders of the neurodiversity movement and believed that no one was too disabled for human rights, something that modern nd movements fail to understand to this day. sie was so instrumental to my understanding of literally everything. sie died from medical ableism and neglect during the beginning of the pandemic. we would be nowhere fucking near where we are now without hir. i've decided to make a masterlist of some of my favorite posts of hirs, organized into different categories.

(some of these are listed in more than one category because they overlap so much)

here are some of the "essentials" (what you might have already read by hir/should read first):

hir memorial site hosted by ASAN:

In My Language

the oak manifesto

There is ableism at the heart of your oppression, no matter what your oppression might be

Getting The Truth Out (many pages, parody of bad autism awareness campaign called "getting the word out")

the meaning of self-advocacy

what makes institutions bad

aspie supremacy can kill

here are some of hir beautiful writings on perceiving/communicating with hir environment as an autistic person, and on communication in general:

up in the clouds and down in the valley: my richness and yours

distance underthought

the naked mechanisms of echolalia

empty mirrors and redwoods

the fireworks are interesting

hir tumblr tag #sensing (@withasmoothroundstone)

on personhood and who has the authority to take it away:

being an unperson

what it means to be real

empty mirrors and redwoods

on institutions and the I/DD service system:

caregiver abuse takes many forms

"i don't know that person's program"

what my home means to me

dd service system tag

god help the critic of the dawn: glamour and its fallout

what makes institutions bad

post on the JRC

outposts in our heads

on online social justice communities/their inaccessibility:

Your politics have a problem when they contradict the real-life experiences of the people they're supposed to be about.

politics, ethics and mental widgets

hir tumblr tags #outside the wall and #little packages (@withasmoothroundstone)

misc:

The Bones My Family Gave Me

Please violate only one stereotype at a time

My sort of people, just as real as theirs.

Reviving the concept of cousins

gender tag

this is hir poems and creative works:

this is hir writing on autistics.org:

may hir memory be a blessing/revolution.

[v-risalab]

I've seen a lot of ppl say that autism's strong sense of justice is somehow the obvious way to act when injustice arises, as if we all are born with a moral compass that's always Right, as opposed to the neurotypicals who do not have morals and mindlessly follow social conventions.

But a strong sense of justice does not mean you fiercely defend what's "actually right". My father is autistic and has a strong sense of justice, and he refuses to believe I am a woman because of that. Elon Musk has a strong sense of justice, but that just means he will do anything for "freedom of speech". I isolate myself from people because I am afraid of the conflict that will arise when they do something I don't think is right, no matter how innocuous it is.

Please be wary of thinking you're inherently better, or more moral, because of the circumstances of your birth, and learn to recognize aspie supremacism.

[we-staybhaalin]

NAME: Shehdri Junia Djedan Ziani

NICKNAME: Jewel (by her father), "my little gem" (by her mother), Aspis (by "somebody" that she used to know)

GENDER: cisgender woman (she/her/hers)

STAR SIGN: I don't think there are any in the Forgotten Realms, but if I had to pick, I'd say she's a Virgo

HEIGHT: 5'9" (she's a stallion!!)

ORIENTATION: Bisexual

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: Human from Waterdeep

FAVORITE FRUIT: Dragonfruit

FAVORITE SEASON: Winter

FAVORITE FLOWER: Calla Lillies and Dahlias

FAVORITE SCENT: petrichor, lavender and jasmine, old parchment from well loved books, expensive ink

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Coffee

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: 4 hours, she is both a dedicated researcher and someone that gets prone to diving deep into her personal projects

DOGS OR CATS: Cats

DREAM TRIP: Back to her mother's home of Zakhara--there is no place she feels more at ease and more calm than the homeland that her mother's people rule over; there are endless beautiful palaces, wizard towers that boast countless pages of research, and a litany foods she can't find in Faerun; she's going to go back after things calm down with Baldur's Gate with Wyll to introduce him to her family and to the Grand Matriarch of the Ziani clan; her grandmother's home sits upon a large lake that drops off the side of a waterfall; she would show Wyll so much regarding the Ziani that he doesn't get to see due to the distance

NUMBER OF BLANKETS: four, two to start and the other two that she yanks off Wyll in the middle of the night

RANDOM FACT: The head pieces that she wears are unique to each mage of the Ziani family and hers are being supplied by an old friend she is no longer allowed to speak to. Every month, a new set arrives and she adorns her head with each one every day.

[fandomshatefatpeople]

hi! so, ik this blog is mostly about fandom stuff, but i was wondering if i could ask for some advice? basically, i'm a skinny person. bony and knobby and tall and always have been. but, my little sister who i adore and love with all my heart is fat, and considered unhealthily "overweight" for her age.

i firmly believe that "fat = unhealthy" is ABSLOUTE BULLSHIT, but i still find myself falling into some weird habits with her--such as resolutely avoiding mentioning that she might be in any way bigger than anyone else (as if it's a bad thing that should be avoided, even though i know it's not!) etc. i do my best to curb those tendencies, but i worry that it's not enough.

in addition, my dad (unlike me) DOES believe that she's unhealthy, and tries to restrict her eating (especially sugar). she's not getting a lack of calories or anything, so i'm not worried about it affecting her physical health too much, but i don't want her to develop a complex because when she was a kid she couldn't have more than one sugary snack a day.

there's roughly a sub-zero chance of convincing my stubbornest-man-on-earth aspie dad that she's not actually going to die of heart disease, so unfortunately i'm helpless on this front. still, if there's anything in particular i can do to support her through it, or if you have any particular advice, i'd love to hear it. it's really important to me to be able to be the best big sister to her i can be, and i worry about her a lot ever since i learned how hard it can be to be a fat person in our world.

thank you so much, and sorry for the long-winded message! any advice is appreciated <3

I want to start with an apology to all of the unanswered asks in my inbox. I started graduate school and am trying not to drown. With that being said, reading this ask tugged at my heart and I had to answer.

To be honest, I don't know how much this will help. I'm not an expert, I'm just a fat woman who thought she was a fat kid who's had to work through decades of fatphobia (internalized and external), but here's what I think might be useful. I would be so grateful for anyone to add helpful, non-fatphobic advice in the comments! Also, your mileage may vary depending on the age of your sister.

One thing that helped me was learning how absolute bullocks things like BMI measurements are. So for that matter is fat = heart disease. If you think you dad would be open to reading it, you could share this with him: Separate and combined associations of body-mass index and abdominal adiposity with cardiovascular disease: collaborative analysis of 58 prospective studies - PubMed (nih.gov) The most important part of this study, for our purposes is this bit, "Interpretation: BMI, waist circumference, and waist-to-hip ratio, whether assessed singly or in combination, do not importantly improve cardiovascular disease risk prediction in people in developed countries when additional information is available for systolic blood pressure, history of diabetes, and lipids."

Other things I think can help is not treating her any differently than anyone else. This sounds obvious, but if you are going out of your way to avoid comparing her size to anyone else's in a conversation where that is relevant then the message she hears could be one of "your body is wrong and I'm embarrassed to talk about it".

It may help to share with her your thoughts on fatphobia as a general topic, letting her know you recognize the value in diverse body types and sizes and how none is better than another. Just knowing that someone she loves and looks up to sees value in bodies like hers can mean a lot. Similarly, if you feel you have the ability to call out fatphobic comments do so, whether she's around or not. Just pushing back with something as simple as, "I don't believe in judging the value of others based on the size of their bodies" or "I don't think that joke was very funny" or even just an unamused stare, can send a huge message.

Another important thing is to be on the lookout for signs of dieting. Dieting is one of the worst things you can do to your health as years of yo-yo dieting are actually worse for your health than "being fat" ever can be.

Forgive me for referring back to my own previous work, but under the cut are some links that might be helpful to combat much of the negative messaging that comes when you are fat.

I am so glad you reached out and I wish you all the best as you support your sister and hopefully help her to thrive!

[red-sprite]

Alright, announcement time!

As with a lot of people during the lockdown and then the pandemic, I got some time to myself to think about stuff. Came to some interesting conclusions, which has prompted the currently-in-progress redecorating you see before you.

Turns out I'm a woman, yaaaaay!

With the new gender I got a free new profile picture, got a new blog name (old one used to be aspie-atmo, in case you're confused where you ended up), got some new pronouns (she/her) and a new name.

If you know me off Tumblr, I'd appreciate it if this could be kept a timed Tumblr exclusive for now, I'm not out to most of the people who know me offline yet.

If you'd like to know more, just chat, or have any questions, I'm pretty sure my DMs are open, and I think I've got an ask box around here somewhere…

Much love, -Sonja

Possibly asked questions:

How's the transition going?

Great, started HRT in July last year, and all is progressing smoothly

What's the story behind your chosen name?

It's the name my parents wanted for me if they'd known I was a girl. Turns out my dad was a giant nerd (so that runs in the family), and he wanted Conan for a boy or (Red) Sonja for a girl. Mom vetoed Conan, but Sonja was on the table until I was born. I'm claiming it now!

What's the hardest part about transing your gender for you?

The hardest by far has been deconstructing the autistic masking that I do, figuring out which parts are me, which parts are societal (gender expectations), societal (neurotypical expectations), and which parts are trauma responses. From those pieces of broken mask I will need to construct a new personality that I will hopefully be happier with inhabiting. It's a long road, but the end result will be very rewarding.

Also voice training. That stuff is hard!

Anything I can do to support you?

Something that brings me immense joy is when people go 'oh yeah, that makes sense', or tell me about ways in which I am/was already more feminine than expected. It makes me happy when people see who I am :)

[thecreaturecodex]

Mater Cachinnarium

"Truce?" © deviantArt user damie-m, accessed at his gallery here

[People who have been following the Monster Girl Summer project may have noticed that there are a few plot threads being developed alongside the big Mormo vs. Lamashtu plot. This entry ties into the sample beldam NPC and Mad Maddy Maddison]

Mater Cachinnarum CR 12 CE Outsider (native) This woman is lean and ashen-skinned, with clawed hands and jagged, saw-like teeth. Her face seems perpetually fixed in a cruel smirk.

Mater Cachinnarum is the Mother of Sneers, a notorious bogey of eastern Garund. Her wicked braying laughter is heard everywhere from bustling cities to isolated oases, and always shortly after a mutilated body or two turns up. Even more destructive than her serial killing is her delight in framing others for her crimes. She is adept at stoking paranoia and hatred, and those that escape her attacks may become scapegoats for the next murder she commits. Rumor has it that anyone executed for a crime she committed hears her laughter as they die.

The Mother of Sneers was not born a bogeyman, nor even properly born at all. She is the brainchild of a wizard named Valinus Trent. Trent was the sole survivor of an Aspis Consortium expedition into the heart of the Mwangi Expanse, and while attempting to find safety found themselves in the clutches of the beldam Mancinia Spurge. Spurge played the good host for a time before tormenting Trent and eventually trapping their soul in a black sapphire. Mater Cachinnarum is essentially a projection of the darkest parts of Trent’s psyche, their disdain for less intelligent people and fear of being bullied magnified into a shadowy murderer.

Mater Cachinnarum both resents and kowtows to Spurge, as if the gem is broken, the Mother of Sneers will immediately cease to exist. Thus, between her personal projects, Cachinnarum serves Spurge as an assassin and recruiter. Mater Cachinnarum desires an apprentice; her previous apprentice was the dark dancer Mad Maddy Maddison, who escaped her about a year ago. Mater Cachinnarum occasionally torments Maddy with nightmares, but doesn’t want to kill her—she has something much crueler planned. The Mother of Sneers is waiting a few years for Maddy to become established and develop friendships, only to murder everyone Maddy cares about and frame her for those crimes.

Mater Cachinnarum      CR 12 XP 19,200 Bogeyman variant tulpa CE Medium outsider (augmented fey, native) Init +9; Senses low-light vision; Perception +23 Aura deepest fear (30 ft., DC 28)

Defense AC 28, touch 26, flat-footed 21 (+9 deflection, +6 Dex, +1 dodge, +2 armor) hp 127 (17d6+68); terrible rejuvenation 5 Fort +11, Ref +16, Will +13; +4 vs. mind influencing effects DR 15/cold iron; SR 21

Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee 2 +1 claws +15 (1d8+2/19–20) Psychic Magic CL 17th, concentration +26 20 PE—burst of adrenaline (1 PE), burst of insight (1 PE), create mindscape (5 PE), ego whip I (3 PE, DC 22), foster hatred (5 PE, DC 24), levitate (2 PE), mind probe (4 PE, DC 23), paranoia (3 PE, DC 22), possession (5 PE, DC 24) Special Attacks sneak attack +6d6, striking fear Spell-Like Abilities (CL 16th; concentration +25) Constant—detect thoughts, tongues At will—darkness, gaseous form, ghost sound (DC 19), invisibility, suggestion (DC 22) 3/day—crushing despair (DC 23), hold person (DC 22), quickened phantasmal killer (DC 23) 1/day—nightmare (DC 24)

Statistics Str 12, Dex 23, Con 18, Int 17, Wis 16, Cha 29 Base Atk +8; CMB +9; CMD 36 Feats Dodge, Great Fortitude, Improved Critical (claw), Improved Initiative, Magical Aptitude, Mobility, Quicken Spell-Like Ability (phantasmal killer), Spring Attack, Weapon Finesse Skills Acrobatics +16, Bluff +29, Diplomacy +22, Disable Device +16, Escape Artist +19, Intimidate +32, Knowledge (local) +17, Perception +23, Sense Motive +23, Spellcraft +17, Stealth +29, Use Magic Device +23; Racial Modifiers +4 Intimidate, +4 Stealth Languages Aklo, Common, Necril, Undercommon; tongues SQ creator link, sustained by thought, variant tulpa Gear dead man’s headband, bracers of armor +2, amulet of mighty fists +1, wand of acid arrow, 700 gp

Special Abilities Creator Link (Su): A tulpa has a special link with its creator or a creature that it treats as its creator. By concentrating for 1 minute, the tulpa can sense the direction and relative distance of its creator, as long as they are both on the same plane. Deepest Fear (Su) A bogeyman is cloaked in a 30-foot aura of fear. This aura manifests as a shifting haze of images that reflect the viewer's deepest fears. The first time it ends its turn within the aura, a creature must make a DC 28 Will save or become shaken for as long as it stays within the aura. If the creature succeeds at the saving throw, it cannot be affected again by the aura for another 24 hours. This is a fear effect. The DC is Charisma-based. Striking Fear (Su) If a bogeyman confirms a critical hit or a sneak attack with one of its claws on a target currently suffering a fear effect, that effect automatically becomes one step more severe (shaken creatures become frightened, frightened creatures become panicked, and panicked creatures cower in fear). A DC 28 Will save negates this increase. In addition, a critical hit from the bogeyman's claw forces any target that has successfully saved against the creature's fear aura to make another Will save against its effects, even if 24 hours have not yet passed. This is a fear effect. The DC is Charisma-based. Sustained by Thought (Su): Tulpas sustain themselves on and gain their power from the mental energy of living creatures concentrating on the tulpa itself. Tulpas do not heal or regain psychic energy naturally. Instead, whenever a living creature spends at least 10 minutes mentally picturing the tulpa, or interacting with it in some way, the tulpa heals 5 hit points and gains 1 point of psychic energy. A creature other than its creator can't provide more than 5 hit points and 1 PE to the tulpa per day with this activity, but its creator can feed its tulpa indefinitely, granting 5 hit points and 1 PE for every 10 minutes she spends in this way, up to the tulpa's maximum hit points and PE. A creature that regularly spends time mentally picturing or interacting with the tulpa may eventually forge a powerful link with the tulpa, and effectively be treated as though she is the tulpa's creator (though this does not supplant the original creator or other creatures treated as the creator by use of this ability). A creature other than the creator that focuses on the tulpa enough to provide it with psychic energy each day for 7 consecutive days must succeed at a DC 20 Will saving throw or forge such a link. Terrible Rejuvenation (Su) A bogeyman gains fast healing 5 while any creature within its deepest fear aura is suffering from a fear effect, including any fear effect created by the aura itself. Each round it gains this fast healing, it also recovers 1 PE. Variant Tulpa Mater Cachinnarum does not have a creator in the sense of a traditional tulpa. Her existence is tied to the gem in which Valinus Trent is trapped in. As long as this gem exists, she returns from death 1 month after slain, but if the gem is broken and Trent is freed, she is destroyed. Mater Cachinnarum does not gain the mental form special quality of a tulpa, and does not gain a racial bonus to skills. Her psychic magic can affect any creature, not just herself and a creator. Her terrible rejuvenation allows her to heal without being in the presence of a creator.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

https://x.com/lindayaX/status/1820838625245880634

Here is the full statement by the ceo. It's full of all the bullshit you expect.

Oh yeah I forgot he put a woman figurehead to glass cliff his website.

“That is just wrong.” Makes me feel like I’m in a dystopia and Big Brother is wagging his finger at me for not complying before signing me up for Room 101. “As you can see, Aspie hasn’t been buying our products. That is just wrong and threatens our stability, hence why we must take action to make sure this dangerous free will doesn’t affect our profits.”.

[drdemonprince]

My old workplace gave me an £80 book giftcard when I left over a year ago and it’s about to go out of date.

Can you assist my EF by recommending autism / adhd / interesting brain books - even better written by queer ND people.

Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine

Nobody's Normal by Roy Grinker

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia The Secret Life of a Black Aspie by Anand Prahlad

Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman by Laura Kate Dale

[my2phetaliaheadcanons]

2p Ancient Greece

Name: Kallistrate Karpusi

Age: 43 Human, 1800 Nation

Height: 5’0

Weight: 101 lbs.

Appearance: Kallistrate had long, wavy locks of bronze hair that rivaled the lushness of a thick Greek forest. Though near the end of her life, it became dappled with slivery strands of grey. These complimented her aquamarine eyes and olive skin beautifully.

Despite her fierceness in battle, she remained relatively unscarred and softly shaped. Many people around her envied the softness of her skin and often gossiped about how she maintained it. Some said it was a gift of the Gods while others thought it was witchcraft.

During times of peace, she would wear light silk tonics as she enjoyed the summer sun. The bottoms of her togas were often dusted from the dirty hands of her sons, it was one of her favorite things. 

On the other hand, when she was forced to go to war. A bronze breastplate with linen fabric was what she chose to wear. The bronze would protect her vitals, but she would go a step further by adding linen to her arms, legs, and throat for additional protection.

Personality: Kallistrate was a woman of tradition. She would uphold these foundations of society like they were a lifeline. For her belief was, without them, she would fall to the wayside. This could best be seen in how she led her home. There was not any mercy given to servants for failing to meet her expectations of her sons’ rearing or maintenance of the home. It was why many kings feared her presence; for it meant that someone, somewhere had turned their back on what made Greece great.

Despite her disciplined lifestyle, she was heavily maternal. Many times, she was putting the happiness and well-being of her sons over her own. This resulted in many moments where one could see her face soften. A look of tender love as her sons convinced her of one thing or another. The most famous example being a young Greece getting to sleep with his puppies.

Dead: Yes, Turkey made the final blow.

Weapon: Doru, xiphos, and aspis

Family:  Greece, Cyprus

ETC: Just like her 1p, Kallistrate was a fierce fighter. Due to the harsh environment, she was raised in, Kallistrate often hid the fact she was a woman during times of war. It resulted in her becoming a master of vocal manipulation and incredible at creating disguises. They were so good that the current king would only know.

She was a woman who longed for a mortal life with her sons. To no longer go to war. To enjoy the simple farm life. Kallistrate could have had a husband who loved her. A life where she could have watched her sons grow up and start their own families, but sadly it wasn’t meant to be.

[makin-cute-simmays]

about me - simblr edition

(I got tagged!!) Hold on while I go be awkward & dramatic for a moment off stage!!

I was tagged by @simmysunset to do this, so here are my Mods enabled answers!

your 3 traits: music lover, makeup lover, moonchild

your aspiration: Occult Purveyor of Potions or Location. It goes back & forth if I'm honest

in-game world you'd live in: Granite Falls

favorite townie(s): The Goth babies. I will forever Stan Cass & Alex.

most used pack(s): grunge revival, city living, get famous, fitness & laundry day.

favorite decor object (no cc): The modular bookcases. Reading is FUNDAMENTAL!

something you want in the game: In CAS - I want a search bar. Let me search for the creator I want in the category I'm already in. Did I click on face paint? Let me search Northern Siberia Winds! You clearly can it *looks at build mode with envy*

I want the ability to backfill a WORKING family tree. How can I be immersive if there is no one there? (Maybe it's Maybelline, maybe it's my undiagnosed aspie brain)

More than 5 outfits per type. I there are others out here with more CC than me screaming about how much time they have to spend in CAS to change up the outfits. Default the days to take longer. Yes I can do it all by myself but rn I'm kinda nervous to tweak anything. If they don't want to give us more than 5 outfits per category then let US create and save our own styled looks.

Functional Cars. Functional Apartments. Functional Hotels.

FUCKING FIX DINING OUT!!!!! Stop being lazy asses and making the modding community hold your game on THEIR shoulders. Or at least when you release things that are going to break MAJOR MODS (our poor baking community is strugglin y'all) Maybe, oh IDK ask them if they want an early access to start fiddling with codes.

Give us cool new worlds based on NOT cites in the US. We've had Shang Simla & Champs Les Sim. Can we please have more? Or hell give us 2 bare bones CAW's back. There are builders I would make it rain $$ on if I could get an entire world by them!!

Maybe I should change one of my traits to needy or high maintenance after that list that was literally just stuff off the top of my head. I will see myself out now. Thanks

what colour is your plumbob right now: Yellow because my sleep is dangerously red but I think I fixed my game w/o wiping everything & starting from scratch. Never underestimate a woman & her caffeine to save a shopping habit that happens to cost nada. kthxbyefr!

Oh yea! I need to tag others! @cinamun fer sure! @hopefulsimmer , @bankmybills & @bellagothgf

[thewolfisawake]

Alright so I did the prologues (debating one more) but for now, it's intro of the dead that have come back for this month of the haunted. In order...I hope.

Roksana Molchalina. She is the ancestor that is 'mentor' to Artemis. She was an excellent duelist and brawler. She died due to an opponent not abiding by rules of engagement. However as apart of the 'living blood' that's manifested in later Empyreans, she has come to lend her expertise to Artemis, who lacks much of it. Her relation with Artemis is akin to an older sister even if Artemis isn't quite certain on that one. She had chosen Artemis because she felt he needed someone in his corner. Someone that had no expectation of him and to let him be a boy.

Vasily Mechnikov. The man, the myth, the menace himself. He is the ancestor that's supposed to be mentoring Kesil. He is considered a butcher even by other Empyreans because of his brutality and having been considered 'mad' for much of his life. He died at the hands of wife that had become a therian. He and Kesil do not get along because Kesil views Vasily's interference as body snatching since the man doesn't want to ever give it back when he has been allowed out. So Kesil doesn't let him go willingly. Vasily chose Kesil because he has so much power that he lets go wasted and wants Kesil to live up to what he can do.

Jocasta Zerviade. She is Eriskyne's mother. A changeling that had traveled to Scotland in the pursuit of knowledge and got way more than she was bargaining for. She was murdered in her home but unbeknownst to her was that Eriskyne's father, Seòras, had orchestrated her death after her refusal of Eriskyne to be taken to the Seelie. She is where Eriskyne gained their scholarly approach to the world but she was never so intellectually minded that she abandoned the care that comes with connection.

Faolan. The Wolf of the Wastes. She is Balmoral's mother and Sceolan and Nathair's grandmother. A ban-sith that had been a rarity born to her settlement, she had the ambition that came with youth to make a change while upholding the tradition of foreseeing and warning of destruction that threatened the Unseelie. Her technical death is being struck down by a magic array in order to allow Balmoral to escape the Abyss. She had only known Balmoral up to the point of being a young child but could see possibilities of his future self.

Nathan Adler. Aspis' father and Jasper's childhood friend/lover. He and Jasper met when Jasper had snuck into his place in search of food as a children. They had always been close and it was following Jasper on an assignment to Makalani that he eventually decided to stay. Part of this reason was Noelani, the woman that'd later be his wife, and the other was the sense of community he came to love. Aspis had recalled his dad as being immensely laid-back, fitting the place he decided to come home. He is where Aspis developed his habit of taking pictures as he told Aspis that he took pictures of 'those he loves and things he likes.' He is where a lot of Aspis' looks come from. He died when Makalani had been overrun by supposedly infernal creatures.

Noelani Adler. Aspis' mother and Jasper's friend/lover. The last acting chief of Makalani, Noelani had her hands in much of the affairs of the island. She hadn't expected to fall in love with Nathan but she did. And due to the close bond with Jasper, she came to know him well too. She was the one that pushed for the relationship with Jasper and had thought the hurdles were falling with the block on their feelings being dealt with. This was not meant to be as tragedy had struck. Noelani died with the infernal infestation that took the island. Aspis was only eight when he had last seen his parents. He recalled his mother as being very loving but very tough. While she entertained his fancies, she was never keen on Aspis ever leaving the island even if she knew that his curiosity would eventually win out. But that never stopped her from trying as Aspis had seen with his sister, Keahi, whom had been butting heads with their mom about her desire to leave Makalani.

Ioane Kamisarizuki. Noelani's father and Aspis' grandfather. The former chief of Makalani, Ioane had been one more in tune with the supernatural goings on of the island although he himself was not very good at detecting them. Aspis adored his grandfather more than anyone else in his family and was the one person, as most would say, Aspis would do anything he asked. He loved listening to the old man's tales of storied history and that he had learned from hunters or visiting folks from other islands. He died during the infernal incident as he had chosen for Aspis, injured and unknown to him cursed, to be rescued from the island's destruction rather than himself.

[betab1te]

the way i put eye makeup on once in a blue moon and my eyes burn for 2 days after and i feel tired (my brain is tricked bc it hurts to keep my eyes open) and i wake up puffy-faced every morning and its hard to read cause i can’t strain my eyes... to be fair, i’m hypersensitive & aspie. but this reaction is just a slightly bigger version of what others experience. and the fact that i and every other woman are expected to wear this shit that clearly does not belong ?? it makes no sense to me. it is not worth it. it literally actively is impairing my ability to function at work, the burning in my eyes makes my brain think that i haven’t slept in 2 days and because of this i can’t even focus. i didn’t even go out in the makeup i was just putting it on ‘for fun’ and took it off shortly after & now i’m sulking half-asleep at my desk. i’m literally throwing my shit out the second i get home -_-

[rebelqueenperu]

Mira y refexiona

No entiendo porque varias personas asocian al autismo con aletear las manos y al asperger con ponerse psicópata por cuenta propia cuando en realidad lo unico que quieren es encajar en la sociedad.

A veces pienso que en los medios no estan hechos para las afectadas por asperger y que les dijera que son autistas, solo basta con ver el corto de pixar loop y ver a Renee, quizas si una aspie girl viera eso se lastimaría diciendo que ella no es ella, ( por el hecho de no ser no verbal ), porque nadie conoce asperger, solo lo conocen por Greta Thunberg y Mary & Max ( que en ninguna escena de esa pelicula se hace mencion explicitamente que las mujeres aspie existen, cuando un hombre con asperger existe y es el protagonista, lo cual llamo representacion paupérrima a la mujer y niña aspie ).

Solo queda esperar que alguien nos comprendan, porque somos igual de raritas y socialmente torpes; ( me refiría a la comparación de autismo y asperger. )

"La locura de unos, es la realidad de otros" - Tim Burton

¿Y quién soy yo?, pues soy mitad Aspie ,o algo así, es una condición.

Esto fue escrito sin propósito de burlarse de alguna persona.

I don't understand why many people associate autism with hand flapping and asperger's with becoming a psychopath on their own when in reality all they want is to fit in with society.

Sometimes I think that the media are not made for girls affected by Asperger's and to tell them that they are autistic, it is enough to watch the short from Pixar "Loop" and see Renee, maybe if an aspie girl saw that she would be hurt by saying that she It's not her, (due to the fact that it's not non-verbal), because no one knows about Asperger, they only know it through Greta Thunberg and Mary & Max (in no scene of that movie is it explicitly mentioned that aspie women exist, when a man with asperger exists and is the protagonist, which I call a very poor representation of the aspie woman and girl).

It only remains to hope that someone understands us, because we are just as weird and socially awkward; (I was referring to the comparison of autism and asperger.)

"The madness of some is the reality of others" - Tim Burton

And who am I? Well, I'm half Aspie, or something like that, it's a condition.

This was written with no purpose of making fun of anyone.

[astramthetaprime]

I’ve Just Got That Face

“You do NOT have Autism, you’re an Introvert.”  

Such comforting words, coming from a cousin I probably held as a baby.  

It’s truly the first time I’ve had to confront blatant, in-your-face ableism.  And she insisted on this even after I’d told her I’ve been professionally diagnosed and can show her my scores on two of the primary tests used by those professionals to diagnose ASD.  Incidentally I also took the Aspie Quiz during that round but I didn’t include it in my post because it’s so granular that the post would have ended up being thousands of words and nobody ain’t got time for that.  The RAADS and CAT-Q were enough to prove my point.  I’ll cover the Aspie Quiz at a later date.

Which did absolutely nothing to convince my cousin.  

Given my problems in talking face to face with people, I stumbled and stuttered through whatever it was I said to her in answer.  Honestly it just hit me so hard, getting outright negation from a member of the family.  She wasn’t just going to ignore it like everybody else, she outright denied it.  

My relationship to my family is complicated.  As they’re really the only people I have extended contact with on anything like a regular basis, I mask like Tony Stark in the Hulkbuster suit.  But this particular cousin I rarely see, really only at Thanksgiving / Christmas.  So since I realized she likely hadn’t heard about it I mentioned I’d been diagnosed as Autistic.  And got the above reaction.  

There was an argument, which I am bad at.  I have real problems talking face to face with people if the conversation is not predictable.  I used to be a window clerk when I was working for the Postal service, and that was easy enough since it’s largely scripted.  People are there to get stuff done, they’re not going to be sitting around arguing at you, so to speak. But realtime, fraught communications?  Can’t think past my nose.  So it didn’t go well.  

But this was my first encounter with actual ableism directed specifically at me.

To be fair, she did come apologize to me afterward, when I was gathering up my stuff to leave.  I actually got on my Tumblr here and read her the scores.  I need to scan in my diagnosis letter as well, so likely will do that this weekend.  But I did after the fact show her the actual scores from actual ASD diagnosing questionnaires.  

No idea if it will change any minds, but ya know, I believe in data.  

What she said, it doesn’t change what I am.  I can’t un-be Autistic.  If all it took was her unbelief to correct 53 years of failed relationships, perpetual misunderstanding, endless alienation, and all the botched interactions... well, she’d be the richest woman in the United States, I reckon.  

But if I didn’t have autism, I wouldn’t have the universe in my head.  I wouldn’t have the graceful turning of rotating habitats, the deadly glow of supernova remnants, the deceptive serenity of Neptune’s racing depths, or any of the characters that have come out of my hands all these years.  All these imaginary people that have kept me company in this empty life. 

So yeah.  Thanksgiving in the South, y’all.  One hell of a good meal, it’s the conversation afterward that’ll ruin your day.  

[khthonyk]

Writing Prompt Day 10: “She had followed the woman for days and at last her patience was paying off…”

“She had followed the woman for days and at last her patience was paying off…”

“You know, I can see you back there. You’re not as sly as you think you are, little aspis.”

Aliki stepped out from her spot leaning against the wall. “”Hard to be when everyone around you is head and shoulders shorter than you.”

The Patroness didn’t look up from where she was inventorying what remained of her casks. “I believe it’s less that we’re small and more that you’re tall,” she hummed. “If you’re going to follow me around, I’m going to put you to work.”

“Work has never scared me away before.”

“Then grab me two casks from the storeroom. We’re going to need them for tomorrow evening. With the festival season upon us I’m hesitant to admit we may run dry.”

“I’d certainly hope not. There’d be a riot. And knowing Chrysanthos and Caro, they’d be leading the charge.”

The Patroness laughed at that, shaking her head fondly. “I have no doubt about that. But you’ve always been good about keeping the amates in line.”

The redhead crossed her arms over her chest derisively. “Someone has to. Left to their own devices they’d drink and fuck their way across the port.”

“Careful Aliki, the amates are sacred. Theirs is a divine duty. They would all be very hurt to hear you talk about them like that. Those boys have taken good care of you since you were a child.”

Aliki winced. “I apologize, Patroness. I was out of line.”

Turning around, the Patroness brushed her braids over her shoulder, regarding the other woman kindly. “You never need to apologize to me for that. I will always be a place for you to speak freely and openly. But the amates love you dearly, especially those boys. And you know as well as I that Minotians can be wary of strangers from the north. And you, my dear, appear about as Northern as they come.”

“It’s not my fault I’m Rivaskan.”

“No one is saying it is. I met your mother, you know. She was mean, but she was strong. I’ve watched you grow into a strong woman as well. But with strength like that, when you have power like that, you have to be careful not to lose yourself and hurt the ones you love. And I know you love those boys.”

“I would say I tolerate them more than anything. My only purpose is making sure they get paid at the end of the night.”

The older woman placed her hands on her hips. “Now, do you truly believe that?”

Looking away, the redhead shrugged.

Closing the distance between them, the Patroness gently took her face in her hands, her black eyes searching Aliki’s face carefully. Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to the other woman’s forehead. “You are a valued, very loved part of our family, Aliki. And I will remind you of that anytime you need me to. Because of your presence amongst the amates, our home is more peaceful than it's ever been, there’s less fights. You did that. Not Caro. Not Chrysanthos. Not me.”

Smiling shyly, she leaned into the touch. “Thank you, Patroness. You always know the right thing to say.”

“I’ve had many years to gain that wisdom. You’ll get there too someday, I promise. Until then, I need you to get me the wine.”

Snickering, Aliki nodded. “As you command, Patroness.”

“There’s my good girl.” Releasing her face, the woman shooed her off fondly.