#assistant stuff or props master stuff in my thesis film and. that was it. this magical sign from the universe that it was indeed not lost an
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tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow
#setting everything up for filming to begin on tuesday#holy shit it’s been so long since i made movies and i’m feeling so healthy and good about it because i took a year long break from everythin#g for my health and before that i’d been in the throes of intense burnout for like… two consecutive years almost?#so i had to just.#stop.#everything.#and i got diagnosed and got meds for my adhd and yes up until very recently i had overwhelming anxiety about if i’d ever make movies again b#ecause it had been so long and i was still scared even though i felt better and what’s most heartbreaking but in kind of a positive way was#that all this time i’d still had that passion and desire and love and yearning for this. it never left that deep inside me place where it ha#d buried itself over four years ago when i’d realized this is the thing i want to do.#fun fact this was…#the first thing in my whole life that i Knew i wanted to do.#i hadn’t had genuine motivation towards anything in my life before.#my point is that only in the beginning of the month i was grieving not knowing if i’d lost this forever even though i knew i felt better.#but then my favorite director friend texted me the literal morning after my breakdown knowing nothing and was like hey do u wanna do costume#assistant stuff or props master stuff in my thesis film and. that was it. this magical sign from the universe that it was indeed not lost an#d that it was time to get back. and i did. and the fucking AMOUNT of wisdom and calm and just. improvement that happened inside me during my#break… it’s like……….#it’s crazy.#Taking A Break Actually Helps and Medication Actually Helps (that one was obvious). and You Gain Wisdom And Especially _Are Able To Implemen#t It_ after tough times and some of it is like… it feels like it just Happened inside me more than it feels like i’d knowingly mulled everyt#hing over uknow?#idfk. cool n fun.#it talks#janna’s film school diaries
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