#my point is that only in the beginning of the month i was grieving not knowing if i’d lost this forever even though i knew i felt better.

[eternalstateofoctober]

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Platonic Yandere Kitsune + Child Reader Part II

Part 1

Usually the morning is spent waiting for the head maid to feed you your breakfast after they wake you up

But they aren’t there instead you’re struggling to put a shirt on yourself and it’s not the nice ones you usually have

He sees you drag a stool around as you grab food and different tools around the house

And then with unknown urgency, he goes to meet you as you struggle to crawl over the wall of your home

“I’m on a journey. My parents have been taken and I have to get them back.”

“Oh, really by who?”

“I don’t know but I only have a month so I have to get started.”

He’ll join you on your journey 

Both at your side and away from you

Watching in the trees

He likes getting to watch up close now

Without the reflection of a crystal ball or the pane of glass in the way

That and he can pull on your cheeks however many times he likes

He can also see how cute your fingers are in comparison to his

How did he not notice before

How cute it is to watch you hop on rocks to cross the stream 

Or how you have to argue with adults who get in your way

It isn’t until you get nearly finished in your journey that he actually begins to intervene

The obstacles have gotten harder

He had to carry you over the ravine with an unstable rock passage 

it is only then he stops messing around and investigates without you

Specifically after making a hearty meal for you

He puts a protective seal and a tracking seal on you while he goes ahead 

At a kitsune’s speed

He finds out quickly that your parents are alive but they have much less than a month

He doesn’t know why he searches with such speed

Finding the culprit to be none other than another kitsune 

an older one

A stronger one

She claims it was all a game citing specific moments of the journey he endured with you

Full on belly laughing as she recalls when you almost fell into a pit of spikes

He really doesn’t like this

But he pretends to not be disgusted asking for the parents she confiscated

Come to find out the souls were carefully picked out leaving them lifeless husks

She laughs about the futility 

Saying she’ll be gentle when she eats your soul

He kills her without restraint

Something snaps like he’s never known before 

Ravishing her body with a force he didn’t know he had he leaves nothing

Only really snapping out of it when you meekly call him by the fake name he’s given you

Turns out you did trick him 

Encouraging a tanuki to take your place

He’s impressed but he’s horrified

You know everything asking that he put them out of their misery and help you bury them

He does so 

Finding that he has to encourage you to grieve

You’ve worked so hard

 overcome so much

 grown-up despite still being the same little one who liked to play

You do cry 

Crying into his yukata as you both prepare to set out lanterns

After some more crying-induced nights he elects to take you home

To his home

Which you struggle against

Despite you being a child you feel like you can take on the world now understanding the adults' job so much better

But Ryo, the kitsune won’t have it

When you passionately argue your point he only sighs

Before wrapping you up in silk and tying to his chest

He takes you back to his shrine where he makes some big changes

Less parties, less friends, and more research

Now he only focuses on extending your life specifically your childhood

You're a clever kid

He doesn’t know if he can handle a clever teen let alone an adult

So that’s his goal 

Searching relentlessly for 'a cure' before your childhood runs out

But when he’s not doing that he dotes on you

Settling into this way of life he finds that Yuki Ona’s words to be quite true

He couldn’t imagine ever caring so deeply for anyone let alone a child 

but he does

And he’d give the world to keep it this way

[sweetyyhippyy]

Through the Radio. Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader. *ANGST*

Summary: Eddie's girlfriend is still grieving the loss of him after almost a whole year. Little does she know, he's still alive.

Word Count: 2k

TW: Death. Grieving. Mentions of sex (no details).

Note: I know that talking through the radio isn't how it worked on the show, but this is my story and I wanted it to work this way 🤣🤣

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This would have been the first time she had went to Lover‘s Lake without Eddie in tow.

She parked her car, far away from everyone else that was there. She sat in the driver side with the car idled while a mixed tape that Eddie had made for her months before his death playing softly in the back, staring at the full moon that was right in front of her window.

Some days were better than others for her grief. Only crying 3 times on a good day before noon, rather than her usual 5 or 6 by then. Today was an even worse day.

She decided with the rough day that she had; to go to the lake, somewhere that her and Eddie would frequent to just get away from the noise of their homes. It was the one place that she felt like she was still connected to him.

For the first night in almost a week, the skies were clear from the nighttime storms that were happening. All you could see was the twinkling stars in the sky and the moon lighting up the sky.

Going out to the lake on nights similar to this was their favorite type of date. Where all you could hear were the crickets chirping in the distance, and the calming sounds of the lake.

They both loved laying in the back of Eddie’s van with the back doors opened, laying on the makeshift bed that Eddie had set up with a collection of warm blankets and a ton of pillows for them. Music would be playing softly in the back, that way they could both still hear each other talking when they didn’t have their lips pressed against each other’s.

She couldn’t help but replay the night she lost Eddie in her mind over and over again on her bad days. She couldn’t help but think about everything she could have done differently, the biggest thing: not going with Steve, Robin, and Nancy to the Creel house to take down Vecna. In her mind, she had convinced herself that if she was with Eddie and Dustin instead, that Eddie would still be alive.

Of course everyone said that there was nothing she could have done to help save Eddie, but they had to say that to keep her from completely losing her mind.

For almost a whole month after the night in the upside down, she didn’t speak to Steve, still hurt that he was the one that dragged her away from Eddie’s lifeless body, not budging while she tried to wiggle out of his arms and run back to him.

She begged Steve to at least take him back with the group, but nobody was strong enough to lift him up through the gate, especially with Dustin being injured. Steve had to snap at her, telling her that it wasn’t going to happen.

He took it while she screamed, cursed, and hit him. Steve knew that at some point she would get over it, and that she was doing it because she was sad and angry, he never took her words to heart.

She felt such guilt leaving him there, especially when she had to tell Eddie’s uncle that he was gone, and that he couldn’t even tell his nephew goodbye properly because “they couldn’t find his body” after the earthquake.

The beginning of the song “The Ocean” by Led Zeppelin snapped her out of her thoughts, making her aware of her thoughts, and just how loud they were. Her already sore eyes were filled with tears, all of them rolling down her cheeks as she finally blinked.

“Shit, Eddie… It’s real bad today. Everything I see reminds me of you. And it hurts worse to be constantly reminded that you’re really gone than it was to lose you to begin with.” She says to nobody, just venting her feelings out into space.

“You would be so mad at me, but I can’t help but wish that it was me instead.” Her whole body shook as she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. “I just wish you were here. I can’t do this anymore.”

Eddie could hear her clear as day from the other side, his own heart aching at the hurt in her voice while she called out for him. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to lie to her and pretend to be dead, but it was what was best for himself, just until his name could be cleared for Chrissy’s murder, Dustin said that he would make sure it happened.

Almost a whole year had passed, and he was still stuck in the darkness that was the upside down, still healing from almost being ripped to shreds by the demonic bats that inhabited the other world.

Dustin found a way to come visit Eddie so he wasn’t completely alone all the time, keeping him up to date on music and whatever else that he was missing in the real world. Every single time, Eddie would ask how his girl was doing, even though he already knew how she was doing.

“I just need to find a way for her to know I’m still here. You know how many times she’s changed the lightbulbs around her place because she thinks they’re going out? It’s not doing anything, man.” Eddie explained to Dustin on one of the nights he came to visit, bringing him some food, and some more clothes.

“She can’t know too much. You were the one that wanted it to be this way.”

“Yeah, I wanted it to be this way, but only because you said you could get my name cleared, Henderson. I wasn’t planning on staying in this hell hole my whole life! I need to let her know. I can’t take hearing her in pain anymore.”

Dustin sighs, thinking of a way he can still give Eddie both of the things he wants. “You’re going to have to play ghost.”

“What? I’m not actually dead, Henderson. What do you mean, play ghost?”

“It’s like when we talked to each other through the lite brite when all of you went through water gate. But instead of the light, you communicate with her through her radio at home. You have to go to her house here, and then talk to her through the stations.”

As much as he wanted to be with her through her tough thoughts, he needed to trek his way through the upside down to her house in order to “talk” to her tonight.

Even with the darkness and all the vines that were covering the “upside down” version of her room, Eddie still felt happy just standing somewhere he hadn’t been in a while. He missed the baby pink walls, the cute little stuffed animal corner she had, and that he added to when they were together, and the posters of Eddie Van Halen and Rob Lowe that were taped to her wall.

Eddie found the radio that sat on the nightstand next to her bed, brushing off the weird dust particles that covered it. He knew that as soon as she got home, she would turn it on, giving him the power to “talk” to her from where he was.

She flicks the light on to her room, tossing her jacket on her desk, taking a deep sigh as she stares at her empty bed. Sleeping alone was yet just another thing that she hated doing now, no fighting with Eddie over the blankets, pushing his face the opposite way because of his incessant snoring, or his warm cuddles in the middle of the night.

With another sigh, she turns the lights off, shedding out of her clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor while she grabs a shirt from her closet and slipping it on, climbing into her bed.

As soon as her bare legs touch the cool sheets, she feels the tears come back.

“Fuck, stop it.” She whispers to herself. She sniffles as she reaches over, turning her radio on to listen to some music to help her go to sleep.

Of course all that was playing on her favorite station were commercials, but she just drowned them out while she hugged the pillow that was pressed against her torso, tight. She stared into the darkness of her room, only a little bit of moonlight coming in from the window across from her bed illuminated her room enough for her to makeout shadows of things.

Out of nowhere, the radio goes to static, making her jump slightly.

“Ugh, piece of shit.” She curses under her breath, sitting up to reach for the radio to turn it off.

Before she has the chance, the radio jumps into a song, one that had emotional ties to her and Eddie of course.

As cheesy as it was, her first time with Eddie was to “Home Sweet Home” by Motley Crue. It was truly one of those heat of the moment type moments for them, neither of them planning on anything happening when the night first started.

She couldn’t help but smile listening to the song, all of the memories of that night flooding back to her, and all of the nights afterward that they heard that song come on. One of them catching the other looking at the other with that hunger in their eyes before practically pouncing on the other.

Before the guitar solo, the static happens again, another song filling the room once the static stops.

She furrows her brows slightly, getting up from her bed to go turn her light on to see what was messing with her radio. As she gets up the sound happens again before settling on another station.

“What the fuck?” She gasps, turning the light on quickly.

Of course her first thought was a ghost, she had seen Poltergeist, she didn’t sleep for almost a week, but she had seen it.

“Unchained Melody” was playing in her room now, yet another song that had special meaning to her and Eddie.

Even though the song was old, it was one of her favorites, growing up listening to the song because of her parents.

It became another favorite of hers after Eddie, a little too high that night, grabbed her one night and slowed danced with her in the middle of her bedroom. It was a memory that would be engraved in her mind for the rest of her life.

Sure it was cheesy, but under his “tough metal head” persona he was a giant cheeseball.

The fucking universe had to be laughing at her playing this type of joke on her.

She walks up to the radio and goes to unplug it, but yet again, the channel changes. This time, the static doesn’t let up but a very faint voice echoes through her room.

Her body is frozen in her chair as she stares at her radio with fear in her eyes.

Even seeing all of the horror that was in the upside down wasn’t nearly as scary as what was happening in her bedroom.

“Can you hear me?” The voice calls out clearly. “Please tell me this worked.”

“What’s going on?” She mouths quietly.

“Sweetheart, please listen to me. I know this is crazy. Shit, please tell me you can hear me.”

There was no way that the voice she was hearing was Eddie’s. He was gone, she saw his lifeless body laying there as Steve dragged her away from him begging and screaming for him.

She was dreaming.

“Please say something, baby. Let me know you can hear me, please. Please.” The desperation in his voice was clear.

“Eddie?” She whispers softly at the radio, waiting for a response back as her eyes fill with tears. “Are you really there?” Her voice cracks.

“Holy shit, you can hear me. This worked!” He laughs from the other side of the speaker. “It’s me, baby.”

She sobs into her hands hearing his laugh, her heart beating out of her chest. “How? How are you talking to me? Where are you? You died, I-I-I saw you?”

“I have a lot of explaining to do and I know you’re going to be upset with me. Just please don’t turn the radio off, okay? Promise me?”

“I promise. Tell me everything, Eddie please.”

[epiphainie]

I see and love all your tearjerker proposal ideas, but we don’t talk enough about the absolute hilarity that would ensue with an Evan Buckley Proposal™️. Like I’m imagining him being soooo excited about it in the most Buck way possible. He has this ten page speech about how much he loves Tommy and how they’re soulmates and the universe pulled a sick one by putting them on each other’s paths and he’s planning to tell Tommy all that before he pops the question and he’s preparing this big romantic night for it with the most romantic flowers and the most romantic music and the most romantic ring at the most romantic place in all of Los Angeles and he’s roped in everyone at the station to help him, threatened Chim with cold-blooded murder if he doesn’t keep his mouth shut, made Eddie reassure him about every step of his plans not twice but thrice, talked to Bobby with blushing cheeks and fidgeting hands till Bobby gave him his absolute blessing. Hen, Maddie, Athena, they’re all in on it. He’s Ready to do it The Right Way.

Then at like 2pm on a lazy Tuesday afternoon his poor brain that has been overworking on this for weeks gets overloaded and crashes. And suddenly he Needs To Ask Tommy Right Now. Like, just like that the entire plan is overridden, and he doesn’t even process what he’s doing before he sends Eddie a text that just says, “I think I will do it now” and ditches his phone and marches to the garage where Tommy has been working on his truck all day.

The next thing we know Eddie is opening his door to a Buck who has his arms wrapped around himself and his big blue eyes are filled with tears. He looks like a puppy kicked a thousand ways and before Eddie can even open his mouth he cries out, “He said no,” and drops face first on Eddie’s couch. Eddie is like ???? but also “Well, I can’t deal with this shit on my own,” so he calls Hen and Chimney and ten minutes later Buck is sitting on the couch being interrogated by his best friends.

They’re all obviously confused.

Hen, disbelieving, asks, “He said no?”

Buck makes the most pathetic pitiful sound known to the human kind and nods.

Chimney, not really helpful, murmurs, “Well, that doesn’t make any sense,” to himself because he knows how much Tommy loves Buck and would say yes to marrying him months, hell, years ago.

Hen, trying to make sense of it all asks, “What did he exactly say?” because Chim is right, it doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Buck, still looking like a wet cat, goes, “He said it wasn’t the right thing for us.” His voice hitches and he moans, “He said it wasn’t s-smart.”

Hen and Chim shoot a look at each other. Eddie at this point is getting angry because what the fuck? Which is exactly what he says and Hen, the only one trying to be actually somewhat helpful, shakes her head like, “No, Eddie,” and then to Buck with what she hopes is a reassuring voice says, “Maybe he just doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage?”

Buck looks even more miserable at that and buries his face in his hands as he bemoans “Noooo,” and shakes his head like he’s grieving. “We t-talked about it before. At the beginning of our relationship, we both agreed we’d do that if it felt like the right time.” He slumps back on the couch like his life has just ended. “I t-thought it was the right time.”

Eddie, totally pissed off now because how are you gonna be with a guy for years, move in together, buy a house together, be committed to each other fully, and then say no to his marriage proposal, goes, “Oh fuck him. Do you want me to beat some sense into him?” Because damn, this is his best friend who looks absolutely crushed and Eddie will kick Tommy’s ass, fuck the fact that he’s really good at Muay Thai, he hasn’t seen Eddie’s wrath before.

Hen, still the sound of logic and seeing how Buck gets sadder each passing moment, stops him again. “We’re not beating anyone up.” Then says, “Buck, I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. Tommy loves you.” Because yeah he does in the most sickening teen boy with a puppy crush way, so none of this makes sense and Hen’s brain is whirring but she’s not sure what’s happening yet. “And you love Tommy.”

Buck, hands covering his face again moans into his palms, “I do.” Then his hands drop, and his face shot with panic and fear he goes, “Wait?! Does this mean we broke up?”

A pissed-off, disbelieving noise leaves Eddie; Chim shoots another look towards Hen’s way; Hen just gives an awkward unsure smile. “No. No.” She tries to reassure him. “Of course not.”

“I mean,” Chim says with a shrug. “I don’t see how a relationship comes back from that, you know?”

This gets Buck start crying again.

“You’re. Not. Being. Helpful. Chim.” Hen mutters.

Eddie jumps up, “Oh, I’m beating him up for you.”

Buck’s wails get louder.

It all devolves from there with Buck going between hollering and sniffling and Eddie dead-set on confronting Tommy and Hen trying to do damage control with “We’re just gonna talk to him,” and Chim continuing to be absolutely unhelpful with his comments about how Tommy is great, and so cool, and perfect, and he’d make a great brother-in-law, and this doesn’t make any sense.

So, the four of them somehow find themselves marching towards the Buckley-Kinard house with Eddie at the helm and Buck looking like a pathetic mess between them. They’ve barely entered the front yard when Tommy bursts out the front door with his phone in his hand and he goes, “Where have you been?! I’ve been calling you for hou—”

“I trusted you, man!” Eddie shouts, voice echoing through the street.

Tommy stops in his tracks. He takes in the sight of his friends who are all shooting him deadly (and confused) glares. Then he looks at his boyfriend and finds him avoiding his eyes, keeping his gaze at his feet like all the happiness has been sucked out of his entire universe. Brows furrowing in confusion, Tommy takes a step towards him. “Evan.” He tilts his chin up and sucks in a breath when he sees the tear tracks on Buck’s face. His own face crumbles, now in concern. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Eddie lets out a mirthless laugh. “Pretending you don’t know, huh?”

Tommy looks at him, at Chim, at Hen. “Don’t know what?”

“Oh, you’re a bigger asshole than I thought, Kinard.” Eddie spits in his face, his head shaking. “Acting like nothing’s wrong after saying no to a guy’s proposal so cruelly.”

Tommy freezes. His gaze snaps to Buck with a confused, “What?” but Buck is avoiding his eyes again. “What proposal?” Tommy asks. “Evan didn’t propose to me.”

At this point all tired and beaten Buck sighs, “It’s okay, Tommy.”

“No. No—” Tommy shakes his head. “What are you talking about?”

Buck shrugs. “We don’t have to talk about it now.”

“Evan.”

Sighing again, Buck finally looks up. “Look, I get it. We can talk about it later.” He chews at his lip. “Right?” Because he’s still not sure if they’re broken up or not and god he really wishes they’re not because marriage is a dumb institution rooted in patriarchy to maintain and reinforce traditional gender roles and they didn’t even let two men marry till a decade ago, so it’s not like they need anyone’s acknowledgement and all he needs is Tommy, but also he had the absolute perfect ring picked out and he doesn’t know if he can get a refund on it, and calling Tommy his husband would be so fucking nice, and maybe he has been dreaming about that for the past however many years.

At this point, he’s tearing up again, so Tommy cups his face and brushes away some of the tears, before saying with the biggest gentlest eyes, “We can talk about anything you want. But… Baby, what proposal?”

Buck sniffles. “Earlier. W-when I asked you in the garage.”

Tommy frowns harder because that doesn’t make any sense. “You didn’t ask me to marry you, Evan.”

“Yes, I did, Tommy,” Buck huffs.

“No, you asked me if I wanted to take a vacation.”

“I think I know what I asked.”

“You said you wanted to go on a trip!”

“That’s not what I said!”

“Okay, you didn’t say trip! You said, you said something like if I wanted to take a new journey with you! Embark on adventure or something. You said you wanted a travel companion for a voyage!”

“Lifelong voyage.” Buck murmurs, lips pursing and arms crossing together. “For our grand adventure together.”

No one says anything for a minute as Buck avoids their eyes and scuffs his feet in the dirt.

At last, as the person with any semblance of intelligence Hen says, “Buck. Did you use any word related to marriage? Like “husband” or “marry” or even “matrimony”?” Her eyebrows rises. “Anything that’s not a metaphor?”

Buck, face red up to the hairline now, just shrugs. “I had a-a speech, okay? I was n-nervous and it was long so I had to paraphrase.”

Finally, Hen sighs, not unkindly.

Chim chuckles, kinda unkindly.

Eddie looks almost as embarrassed as Buck and murmurs, “Sorry, man,” to Tommy as the realization hits it was just his best friend being a huge dumbass and Tommy actually didn’t do anything to deserve a beating.

Tommy, his entire focus on his boyfriend and not paying them any attention, pulls Buck’s arms down and lifts his face up again. He gives him a smile. “I said no because I thought you were asking to go on a trip, Evan,” he says softly. “And that we’ve just got a mortgage together and can’t afford one.” He shakes his head. “I was covered in grease, Pearl Jam was playing in the background, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Still looking abashed but at least not snotty anymore, Buck says, “N-no. No. It’s my fault. I’m sorry, Tommy,” he says with a shrug.

Tommy smiles again. “It’s okay, baby.” For a moment, he rubs his boyfriend’s arms up and down, then says, “Sooo…”

Buck, realizing the faint pink on his boyfriend’s face, looks at him with the roundest eyes. “You mean…?”

“Well…” Tommy shrugs. “Are you gonna ask me for real or what?”

The sun dawns on Buck’s face. His eyes go bright with fresh but happier tears. “Yea-yeah.” He nods frantically. “Tommy. W-will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Tommy says. Buck pounces on him with a kiss that gets a surprised moan from him as Hen, Chimney, and Eddie start clapping and Buck cries again and so does Tommy and later that night, Buck gives him the perfect ring he had picked out and come Saturday they actually go to the greatest restaurant in LA and Tommy listens as Buck explains every step of his original proposal and all the metaphors he’s curated carefully for his speech.

The end.

[itaehynz]

two slow dancers.

pairing: huening kai x gn!reader.

genre: strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, angst.

warnings: death, grieving, crying, acceptance.

summary: inspired by the movie, “20th Century Girl”: while trying to help your friend get a boy she likes, you meet your own love… a love you thought would last forever.

author’s note (please read): as the cancer season comes to an end, the leo season begins. not only my month starts but also huening’s so, i’ve decided to start this month with a special treat! it’s taken a lot out of me to write about things like this especially with the fact that i once lost someone who was very important to me and a huge factor in my life. but over time, i’ve learned that it’s okay to grieve and it’s definitely okay to not be okay. i hope you enjoy this fic. ♥︎

with strangers, friendship can grow. or the stranger can be a total jerk, let’s hope that’s not the case.

“y/n, pleeeeaaaseee!” your friend chae begs. you roll your eyes as you remember what she’s begging you for. she’s begging you to help her with her crush. you being you, you’re thinking of all the worst outcomes of this. you can probably mess up by accidentally walking up to the guy and he automatically shuts you down. or, you can just walk up to the wrong guy!

anywho, you agree. much to her surprise, actually. she was expecting you to say no, knowing how you are but instead of questioning it, she just cheers happily. you watch her cheer with a laugh and say, “okay, okay. where is he?”

she points over at him, making you look in the direction of where she’s directing you to and see two boys. as far as you know, their names are taehyun and huening kai. you were about to ask her which one but she tells you taehyun before you can even utter the words.

you know very few things about taehyun. one thing is that he prioritizes his studies over everything else. another thing is that, you rarely see him with anyone besides the boy with him at the moment. that’s all you know.

with no information besides what you already know, you decide to just go for it. you begin walking over to the two boys, seeing that they’re talking with each other and laughing amongst themselves.

finally reaching them, you look back to make sure that chae is still standing and for your sake, she still is. you clear your throat quietly as the two boys look at you with smiles and say hi, wondering why you’re there.

“hi! ummm, taehyun, right?” you ask, watching as he nods in response. you give him at tight lipped smile as you begin to tell him that your friend has taken a liking to him and that she’d like to try and get to know him, something along those lines.

both him and huening kai share a quick look before huening shrugs and smiles softly. taehyun agrees kindly and asks where your friend is so he can go over to her. you point over to her, seeing that she’s now seated at a table on her phone. he waves bye to huening kai and begins walking over with a warm smile.

you and huening watch as they begin talking and smile in happiness. “he’s never accepted a girl’s advances before,” you hear from behind you. you look back, seeing huening kai watch the two of them from afar, with a sappy smile on his face.

much to your surprise, you reciprocate his smile. not because of them but because of him. his smile is making you smile. his gummy smile is so cute, you think to yourself. you’re so in your thoughts that you don’t even realize that he’s staring back at you while his smile unconsciously widens.

you’re both admiring something about each other as you finally realize how long you’ve been staring and finally think about how creepy you look.

huening looks away as well, his smile not leaving but his stare fleeting. he musters up the courage to ask you, scared to ask you at first. “would you like to be friends, uhhh-” he pauses, realizing he doesn’t know your name. “y/n.” you say, you would ask his name but you already know it due to your friend’s infatuation with his best friend. “ah, y/n, would you like to be friends?” he asks again, this time with your name coming first.

“i’d love to be.”

—

with friendship, love can grow. romantically, platonically, love comes in every form and or shape.

with huening kai, it just so happened to be romantically. you’re not sure if he feels the same but what you are sure of is that he’s all you think about.

his beautiful smile, bringing such warmth to anyone who comes into contact with him. his way with words, he really knows how to make anyone feel loved by him. his perfect personality, the lovely mixture of funny, charm and kindness. he has all the assets of a great partner.

much to your disappointment, he’s brought up the fact that he has a crush on someone. you couldn’t possibly guess who as he doesn’t really interact with anyone besides you, taehyun and shockingly, chae.

not thinking too much of it, you finally bring yourself back down to earth and tune into the environment. you’re surrounded by tons of people filled with joy, excited to get on the rides. on the right of you, there’s chae. she seems to be getting impatient as she taps her foot every chance she gets and rolls her eyes at how long the line is. to the left of you, you have huening kai and taehyun, who’s now chae’s boyfriend.

taehyun taps you on the shoulder and asks if he could talk to chae, which you mindlessly agree to. now you’re next to kai, who’s immediately smiling from the sight of you. “you excited?” he asks, words filled with childlike energy.

you smile at him, “yeah, are you?” he half heartedly smiles at you, nodding his head with quickness. “yeah… totally excited…!” he says quickly before looking away. you’re caught off guard by his sudden change in attitude towards the ride and your eyes squint in confusion.

at the time, you would’ve thought he just didn’t want to get on the ride. but he did. he wanted to get on the ride, it was just that… he was scared of rollercoasters.

“kai, are you scared of roller coasters?” you question, causing him to whip his head in your direction. he looks around, trying to come up with an answer that won’t give away his obvious fear.

“of course not! it was just that slushy i had a while ago, i’m still a little shaky from it,” he says, trying to play it off with a nervous chuckle but you can see right through him.

you decide to brush it off yet, you can’t help but pity him. you don’t want him to feel forced to get on the ride because everyone else is, but if he wants to get on then so be it. chae and taehyun are hand in hand as the line moves quickly, you all now reaching the seats. the two in front of you rush to the back seats as you and huening are left with no option but to sit all the way in the front.

based on how everyone on the line avoided the front of the line, you’re guessing that this ride is no joke. you watch as huening fills with fear and you start feeling bad for him once again as he seats himself on the right side of the ride. you seat yourself next to him, waiting for the worker to come and strap you both in.

“kai, are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” you ask, placing a hand on his thigh to give him some type of comfort. he grabs your hand tightly and simply says, “yeah.” before the worker comes around to you two and buckles you both in, giving the person at the start button a thumbs up and motioning everybody else to do so.

you raise your thumb up with eagerness and watch as huening raises his up slowly with his eyes closed tightly. you feel him grip at your hand tighter as the ride begins moving, showing a huge raise in the air as it prepares for the drop.

as the ride makes its way up, you hear huening gasp quickly. you look over at him, seeing if he’s okay before he starts saying, “y/n, if i die! i just want you to know! i’ve had a huge crush on you since day one! i always thought you were so nice and sweet and pretty cool! your smile! your laugh! your eyes! your heart! everything! i always talked to taehyun about it to the point that he would get tired of it and tell me to try speaking to you! i’ve really been your biggest fan and i hope that we could possibly end up together one day!”

you look at him with widened eyes as the ride begins to drop, watching him scream in terror while still having his eyes closed. you watch your hair fling back and forth as the ride blades through the wind, thinking about everything huening just said.

so, he did like you back.

—

with love, comes pain. unthinkable pain, pain that can be absolutely unbearable at times.

he’s going back to hawai’i. and he’s not coming back, is what he told you. at the time, you were filled with so much shock and anger that you didn’t even respond to him when he told you. you left him conflicted. he even considered staying for you, no matter how much his parents and siblings needed him back home.

you called him all types of names to chae, you told her that he was a terrible boyfriend, a horrible person and you told her that you hated him.

now here you are, running to the bus station hoping to catch him before he leaves. you’re running as fast as you can, running and bumping into everyone while trying to get there as fast as you can. trying to get to him.

as you run, your bag catches onto something and you struggle with it before finally getting it off of whatever it got stuck to. continuing with your pursuit, you try to remember the bus that was set to take the passengers on board to the boat for hawai’i. filled with fear at the fact that you might not make it, you start asking people if they know where that bus terminal might be. a lot of no’s are said and you feel a pit in your stomach.

you just want to see him one last time.

you go up to one more person, asking if they know where the bus might be. you’re met with a tall man, a man who’s about huening kai’s height, seems to have the same hair color and the same body type.

completely out of breath from all the running you did, you politely tap the man on the shoulder and ask him, panting in between each word.

“yeah! that’s the bus i’m heading for right no- y/n?” the man above you asks. your eyes widen as you look up to be met with a familiar face.

him.

“wha… what are you doing here?” he asks, clearly shocked to see you here. you continue panting as you reach for his hand, tears soon building up in your eyes.

“i’m sorry—for everything i didn’t say. i didn’t say anything when i should’ve told you that i loved you and i’m fine with long distance, i should’ve told you to be there for your family and do what you have to do. i should’ve told you that no matter how many hours away you are, my love for you will never change. ’m sorry for not saying that, kai.”

you finish as huening looks at you with a small smile, tapping your hand with his finger. as you look up, he catches your lips and kisses you with so much love and affection, like he’s been waiting to do this.

you waste no time kissing him back, embracing his torso with your arms as he holds your face in his large palms, deepening the kiss without any effort. a bus rushes past the both of you, causing both of your hair to flail in the air as if you were in a movie.

he slowly pulls his lips away from yours, connecting the both of your foreheads. he rubs your cheek with his eyes closed as he inhales deeply, breathing in your scent one last time.

he opens his eyes and he’s met with you looking up at him with tears in your eyes. his eyes begin to water as well as it finally dawns on him that this is actually the last time he’ll see you in person.

not even six months into your relationship and he’s already leaving you. he feels terrible but he can’t do anything about it, his family needs him back home and he can’t stay no matter how desperately he wants to. he dreamt of a future with you in it, you’re the only person he thinks about 24/7.

he chuckles sadly as you say, “promise me you’ll call when you can, please,” his smile fades away slowly as he nods his head. as he’s about to kiss you again, the terminal announcer calls for all passengers boarding for hawai’i.

he pulls from you quietly, picking up his bags before kissing you on the forehead softly as his bus pulls into the station.

you begin sobbing profusely as he takes his final steps away from you, watching as he begins crying as well with his head down. you’re both ugly crying and watching him board the bus doesn’t help but you can’t look away.

he steps onto the bus before turning around and mouthing the words, “i love you” before the door closes on him and the bus begins moving. you run with the vehicle, saying the words, “i love you more” way more than he said it.

your legs finally give out on you and you drop to your knees, with your head lowered toward the ground as you cry into the sad air. but you remember his promise:

he’ll call.

—

with distance, comes longing. longing to be in your partner’s arms, within the arms reach of them. longing for them.

it’s been almost 7 months since he’s left for hawai’i, and he’s called every other up until now. it’s been a month since he’s last called you and at this point, you’re thinking this was his way of breaking up with you.

you walk over to the call boxes as usual when you’re about to call him and you put in a few coins and type in the number he gave you. you wait a few seconds, hearing the phone ring and then say, “the number you have reached is not in service. please check the number and dial again.” you’re filled with so much rage and frustration that you don’t even hang up, you just start yelling into the phone.

“i’m gonna get over you for real now! not gonna wait anymore! it’s better to just think you’re dead,” you say, sobbing and sniffing softly, “and don’t call me later— that won’t work! you don’t have anymore chances!” you cry into the phone, “and i don’t miss you anymore— so have a nice life, you ungrateful bastard!” you add, dropping the phone, not even bothering to put it back on the dial.

you walk out of the box, sobbing into the sleeves of your shirt as you make your way back to your school campus.

—

2 YEARS LATER.

with loss, comes grievance. take the time to grieve for the things you have lost, or even the people you’ve lost.

as you walk into your old home, you get filled with nostalgia from the past, good and some bad. you look around and see a box with a card, reading, “to y/n l/n.”

you open it and read the containments, “come visit us, 9am ~ 6pm.” with a location at the top. seeing that it has your name you think nothing of it, you’re just confused.

pushing all of that aside, you decide to visit the location but you proceed with caution.

you drive to the location and you’re met with a place that holds viewings. viewings for those who’ve passed and some viewing held for art shows.

you read the card once again and go to the viewing it directs you to, as you enter the space you’re met with a screen showing a beautiful blossom tree. you smile in awe at how beautiful it is before looking over at the singular bench sitting under the tree.

there’s words on the bench, the words read,

“the eternal spring; remembering kai kamal huening (2002-2023).”

before you can get caught up in your head, you hear footsteps coming from the left side of you. you whip your head to the direction of the steps and you’re met with taehyun.

he stares at you for a while, seeing how much you’ve changed and slowly walks over to a bench in front of the screen. he motions to the seat next to him, asking you to sit down. as you walk over to him, he begins speaking.

“while i was moving away, i found a package that huening had hid. that was a while ago, probably even before he passed… i was surprised that he had hidden this, y’know but, it’s obvious that it was special.” he pauses for a second, allowing you to take in everything that he’s saying.

“i felt the need to send it. so, i decided to contact you and even go as far as to arrange this viewing. i’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable or upset but i didn’t know what else to do, y/n.”

“it’s fine, thank you actually. i would’ve still been… angry. i would’ve been forever, if i didn’t know.” you say, staring at the floor as you speak. you hear him huff, wiping a hand through his hair.

“i was actually… upset with you for a moment.” he says, catching you off guard, you look over at him. “i was scared he’d… come back here for you.” he adds.

much to your surprise, you hear him laugh quietly.

“i was looking through the things he had filmed and that’s when i realized, you’re the person he truly wanted. and i felt the need to tell you just how alive— how alive he felt when he was with you, y/n. and how much he truly loved you.”

he says, leaving you heartbroken. you softly sniffle as he continues, “what i realized, while watching it— the film—that the happiest moments in his short lifetime, were when he was with you. you mattered to him.” he pauses, looking over at you. “so i want to thank you, for being there and for remembering him.”

you smile half heartedly, chuckling sadly, “how could i… ever— forget kai?” you say, smiling softly at taehyun as he mirrors your smile. he hands you a tape, before taking his leave and walking out to his car.

you follow suite and head back to your car as well, heading home to play the tape.

as you make it home, you take off your shoes at the door and walk to your room. looking in your closet for your vcr player, you grab it and blow it. watching years of collected dust fly off of it, you plug it in and set it up under your tv.

you pop in the tape, nowhere near ready for what’s about to come.

as the tape begins playing, you see taehyun singing and playing the piano. you smile at the memory and keep your eyes on the screen as you pop into the camera. it’s a video of you plucking flowers from the ground as huening records, his soft laughter filling the background of the video. you watch as the tape continues playing with different videos of you, that he recorded. videos of you dancing, playing around with him and recording the morning announcements from high school as his warm laughter and giggles fill the air of the video.

the tape cuts to static, causing you to have an internal panic as you believe your vcr’s stopped working, but no. the static cuts to a video of huening kai walking through tall grass and flowers as he hovers above it. he lets his hands cut through the flowers as the video cuts to his face, cutting to him adjusting the camera with a smile as he begins talking.

“good morning. it’s probably the new year! i got out of bed really early to show you this, it’s probably really late there. just wait for me a bit longer, i’ll come see you soon, y/n. it’ll be fun, in the new year— with you.” he finishes, smiling into the camera. you watch him say with a sad smile, knowing that he didn’t even make it to the new year. you know he would’ve loved to see you, in person.

—

with death, comes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.

acceptance is the most important part. you accept that ever after all that they’ve been through, they’re no longer in pain or suffering like they used to. you learn to accept that they’re better and it’s okay to miss them at times. they’re still with you, maybe not physically but they’re in your heart. forever.

it’s time to accept that he’s gone.

it’s okay.

© 2024 iTAEHYNZ.

perm taglist: @boba-beom, @kiokantalope, @gardnhee, @n0-thisispatrick, @hyukafied, @hyunimylove, @luvsoobs, @choiwrld, @majestyjun, @tyunkus, @belovedxiao, @h00nerz . . .

networks: @k-labels . . .

[rivkae-winters]

Zack Fair, Violence, and Tragedy

Over the last month or two I’ve seen several posts about the nature of Zack Fair’s tragedy and his seeming heel-toe-turn and thought I’d chime in. 

Also like last time: this is only my interpretation of canon, there is no one true analysis to take as gospel. If you disagree/differ in opinion/even just want to talk please reblog or dm! I enjoy talking to other people about this sort of thing, fandom is all about discussion after all!

While I agree with the sentiment I’ve seen going around that Zack’s relationship to violence plays a role there are other nuances and factors at play here. I’d argue that it’s more accurate to say that Zack is becoming more aware of personal and professional culture outside of SOLDIER and outside of both ShinRa’s constraining grip and Angeal’s attempts at protection. Even then it takes great personal tragedy caused by the inherent contradictions of ShinRa’s reality for him to realize that he has functionally been on the wrong side.  

Sure he’s not callous like Cloud is in the beginning of original and Remake, but he certainly isn’t horrified at his actions just because there is violence. I’d argue the violence of his actions isn’t the main horror to him in isolation. I’d argue that even the death that results from violence isn’t what the core of the issue is either. 

Zack’s hinging point is more his loyalty and his pride. What he does for other people and what he believes in and of himself. Specifically these things in conjunction with his desire to be a good person. 

The language of Pride, the non-localized direct translation of the word hokori or 誇り(JP CC Script), is what’s going to be used here rather than Honor. 

誇り | Hokori - To take pride in; To boast of

Definition Sources: 1, 2, 3

Just keep in mind that I’ve written this from as neutral a point of view as possible on the matter of pride since the Western perception definitively does not apply. To be proud is not a crime and it is not foolish it simply is. 

Zack initially places his pride in SOLDIER- in what being a SOLDIER means to him. In how being a SOLDIER is his and that they are his people and thus he lets ShinRa policies define how he frames his morality. Thus ShinRa defines good in Zack Fair’s life. 

Zack wants to be a hero. He wants to help people. He is trusting and kind and respectful to people consistently outside of the conflict of the mass desertion. Zack genuinely wants to be a good person and help other people, good or otherwise. He is led to believe by ShinRa propaganda that the best way to help people or to be anything meaningful in this world is through them. This is a baited trap that he falls into, Zack is prime prey this trap was intended to catch. 

He is angry at Genesis and horrified by Angeal, especially at the beginning, not for cruelty or violence or even really death… He is angry at them for their betrayal. Sure he is violent and angry in the instance he thinks Angeal has murdered his own mother, as with Genesis and his parents, but that does not define his antagonism, his hatred, his regret, his sense of justice with them at all. 

 Zack does not raise his sword at Genesis for the people of Banora, he raises his sword for SOLDIER. 

Zack understandably feels, and has been, betrayed. 

He is hurt and angry and alone in a way he’s never been since he got into the SOLDIER program. He falls deeper into the illusions of ShinRa for that reason, angry and hurting and grieving the life he had with people in it who will never return. There is a deep sense of nostalgia throughout Crisis Core in the sense of the word’s initial meaning: the pain of missing home. Specifically the homes we find in people.

Even as he believes in ShinRa's twisted reality Zack wants to help. He wants to protect those he cares for. Zack wants to be good. Unfortunately in Zack Fair’s life the undisputed definition of good is now written by the ShinRa Electric Power Corporation alone.

Then he meets Aerith. 

Suddenly ShinRa’s version of right and wrong have opposition but the control that ShinRa has over his life, total and complete as it is, prevents that from sinking in. Zack is perceptive though, around Aerith he is her version of good and then he has to go back to what equates to his phase of reality. A sanctuary is not safe, not truly, when watchers are peering in through the back door ready to drag you out by your feet if you misstep. 

Zack wants to be a man Aerith or anyone won’t be scared of. He wants to do that not because he is suddenly horrified at his own violence but rather in consideration of others. Zack is highly empathetic after all once he can see someone else’s perspective. He wants to be what Aerith wants, even if he doesn’t really and truly understand it yet, because he cares about her and cares about her opinion. He cares about her comfort. Zack still puts most of his pride within SOLDIER though. That means that Aerith’s morals cannot sink through his skin to his center, not like Angeal’s had. She makes him think but she is not shaping his mind, he is left to do that himself.

 Zack spends a lot of time questioning Angeal and being upset at and about him off screen even more than on screen. We don’t get a front row seat for all of it. The big takeaway is that Zack doesn’t shed Angeal’s morals that he’s taken on himself. He can’t after all, not with ShinRa only just seeming tarnished. ShinRa would need to rust and crumble fully before he actually can let them go. Before he can be free in his own mind.

ShinRa chips and rusts in an instant under Sephiroth’s hand. The last holdout crumbled in the fight of two victims of ShinRa and someone who will become one soon. ShinRa is no longer the defined of good, not after what Zack sees is the response to the Nibelheim Incident.

ShinRa not being good, worse even ShinRa being bad breaks the entire morality system. The illusions crack and Zack is forced to examine himself, his actions, and his biases in ways Aerith made him want to but that he couldn’t afford to truly indulge in. Even more that he was scared of self introspection in a sense, of the paradigm of his reality shifting even further. 

He eventually truly reframes his actions and has to reckon with them (and himself) at the end of the game, chapter 9 and onwards. It is only then that he actually LOOKS and is fully horrified by what he sees of himself. That horror only progresses as he fights for both his and Cloud’s lives. That horror only builds as he realizes he’s exactly the person who his girlfriend SHOULD be terrified of despite his best attempts- that he’s everything she was talking about. He’s everything she was talking about even after trying to change the way he acts around her. 

To abuse the innate metaphors: Zack Fair goes to Nibelheim, a well trained attack dog, still seeing relatively little wrong with fulfilling ShinRa’s orders. Zack is only then on the cusp of figuring out that he does not want to be there, that he is the antagonist of the planet’s (and Aerith’s) story unwittingly. 

Zack Fair leaves Nibelheim beaten. He tries to go back to the safety of what was once his home prior to ShinRa only to be waylaid. 

Zack Fair leaves Banora free and irrevocably changed. 

He is free in the sense that the illusions he held himself too are crumbling even more with knowledge that his demons are men too. He is free through the knowledge that he is one of those demons. , that he has been shaped to be one, and that good intentions pave a terribly walkable path to hell. 

Zack leaves with the knowledge that he was the monster in the closet. The knowledge that his sword was not just the executioner’s blade but the enforcer’s. The sword kept clean in favor of bloody hands and higher risks is now drowning in pools of it. Zack leaves with the knowledge that he never would have been truly free. 

Yet he is in the sense that he can choose- actually choose- what he wants, what he values. He chooses Aerith and he chooses Cloud as he has each time before. He chooses violence. It is something he knows and among what he is good at. It is not all he is but it is a tool he can use. 

He chooses to pay the price of freedom. 

Crisis Core is a tragedy and Zack and Genesis both are tragic figures at its center. Zack’s arc is angled to the viewer for maximum effect but Genesis’s does mirror it in a way just on an offset path already initiated. Sephiroth is also a tragic character, undeniably so. However structure wise his role is more murky given the way he has the ability to be the god waiting in the machine, a guaranteed victory or unavoidable altered trajectory should he choose to act, for most of the story. 

And that’s a large part of why I love Zack as a character, aside from things I’ve said before about what makes him such a good narrator. Zack is the unlucky prodigy at the center of a story about wars, abusers, connections, and perspectives. He wants to be good, he wants to be a person that helps. 

He can’t, not really, not in the way he wants. 

Crisis Core is a cautionary tale about exactly that going wrong and how anyone can be taken advantage of. 

[yandereforme]

TW mental health issues, neglect, depression, attempted assault, light yandereness, generally a lot of angst

I read a lot of neglected reader, with the wayne family, and how they become Yandere for you after an incident, varying between posts. This is my take on it.

You arrived at Wayne Manor about a month after Damien did. Your mother had just died, and even though you knew your father and his existed, you had never met them. (Insert neglect)

The thing is, you really tried to get to know them in the beginning. Even though you were grieving, and you’re so sad and afraid, you still tried to get to know them. You baked with Alfred when you could and tried to strike up conversations at the dinner table, or whenever you saw them in the halls. However, after a few months of trying, and not getting any response back, you started giving up.

You started having days where you wouldn’t even leave your room. You would just stay in there laying on your bed. Afterward, you always noticed they never noticed you were gone, which only made things worse. You really missed your mother, and nothing seemed OK anymore. 

The thing that broke you was about two months after you arrived, it was your birthday, and no one noticed. No one said anything to you and no one seems to care. You decided at that point you were just done. You’re done trying to be a part of a family that didn’t want you. You stayed by yourself and pretended you were fine with that.

When you started school, you stayed to yourself. You interact with many people and generally most people forgot you existed. Damian didn’t even see you often, and he forgot about you sometimes too. Until one day, when a classmate of yours grabbed you in front of him, trying to force you to go with him. Damien grew angry. 

He fought the guy off, and the three of you were taken to the principals office and the boys were given detention. However, later, when you got home, he asked you why you didn’t fight back against the guy. You looked him in the eyes, a blank expression on your face, and he realized that he never really seen you smile since that first month.

“Why do you care?”

That was the only response you gave him before going to bed, but it was something he focused intently on. He analyzed your actions since arriving for days, and though he wouldn’t admit it, he became fond of you. He started walking you to your classes, memorizing your schedule, placing trackers on you and bring food up to you on the nights where you didn’t go to dinner. He obsesses over you, and wants you to smile again, like you did in the beginning with him. He hates when those plebeians you go to school with talk to you, and when his idiotic brothers pull him away from you. Didn’t they see you needed a protector?

You didn’t understand why you suddenly had a shadow everywhere you went. Ever since that boy tried to hurt you, Damian was following you everywhere, and was weirdly attentive. He was giving you snacks when you wouldn’t eat whole meals, though you didn’t know how he knew what you liked. Whenever your classmates tried to talk to you(which was rare) Damian would glare them into submission.

Despite how weirded out you were, you wouldn’t deny that a small part of you liked the attention. This was the attention you had so desperately craved when you first arrived. The depressive haze lifted slightly as Damian stayed, and you found yourself less and less annoyed by him following you.

If you guys like this, I will make more parts about the rest of the brothers. Request which brothers you want to hear from next in the comments (Bruce is going to be last). 



[milk-ducts]

[Brief] Thoughts on Film Theory's Analysis

I was gonna post this on my priv twt.. but moots convinced me to post it here so here we are.. beware of spoilers, gore, bla bla bla ..

FIRST OFF I'm gonna start by saying, I AM ESL. I may or may not have misinterpreted some of his words, but this is mainly how I thought of his analysis. This is not meant to be ill-guided or rude ! so sorry if it comes off as this way. I will be very repetitive.

Another thing, most if not all of the information matpat gave out i alr discussed with a few mutuals on discord about a few months back so this is not new territory to me 😭😭 I thought most folks would already knew the concept of how the brain deteriorates overtime But honestly, that indisposition shouldn’t even apply to omni man??? matpat tried to compare an immortal Viltrumite's psychology to that of an aging human's, which can be misguided.

Let's start by how he compares Nolan's brain to the average aging human's brain so the audience could understand his psyche more and how empathy declines overtime. First and foremost, Nolan is not a human, second; Nolan wasn't raised with empathy or around an empathetic environment - it was an alien concept to his race. Something frowned upon. He was raised from birth to conquer and destroy without remorse. His brain never developed those neural pathways for empathy in the first place. It's not that they deteriorated over time, they were never even formed.

By the time he came to Earth, all this familial stuff was new to him. Sure, he knew he was gonna outlive them, but He didn't think he'd get attached. HE didn't process that he'd grieve over them when the time came.

Interacting with humanity for the first time ignited unfamiliar emotions in Nolan that he didn’t know how to process.

His time living amongst humans caused conflicting feelings he’d never experienced in his centuries of systematic slaughter. Loving Debbie and Mark went against everything he was taught, but he couldn't help it. For once, the lives he was manipulating to further Viltrum’s goals meant something to him. He developed a [what he presumed, NOT what he felt about them in reality, his love for them is far more profound than he assumed it to be which we later on see in the last ep of s1 and the second season] petty facsimile of love for his ersatz family.

So no, his capacity for empathy didn't decline with age as MatPat claims. His empathy was stunted from the start. An underdeveloped skill, not a deteriorated one. We had characters like Debbie to help him understand those notions, help him grow it. With Mark in the mix? it only amplified that development.

Viltrumites are societally and culturally predisposed to violence and domination. Nolan was never accustomed to forming emotional connections or grieving loss. Those were entirely new experiences for him after arriving on Earth. He was not jaded. he was grown into jamais vu in viltrum.

This is why the whole conflict in s1 happened, he was treading between double lives he wasn't sure of. He was conflicted because his past values were refuting with his new experiences. He found love on Earth, he found himself unable to accept how he'd lose Debbie. Of How jaded Mark might become. Everything he said to Mark till that point was his own self-projections, his own fears, doubts.

While the video did provide some interesting facts about neuroscience and aging, the application of those facts to Nolan's character was inaccurate. IT is educational for those who don't know, but it isn't recent news that the brain begins to deteriorate overtime so this video wasn't that informative which kinda disappointed me. Their analysis lacked alot of information about the Viltrumite race and Nolan's character. Comparing him to humans with normal life experiences just doesn't work. His immortal nature combined with a lack of empathy from birth created a psychology unlike anything seen on Earth.

SORRY FOR RANTING ALOT AND OR IF IT SEEMS LIKE I'M GIVING MATPAT SHIT ... i really liked their analysis on immortal so i'll give them that. Immortal, unlike Nolan, was born human. He has lived among humanity for over 3000 years, inhabiting different identities of public and devoted historians. Because of this, his psyche developed quite differently. Immortal knows how to form connections, experience loss, and adapt to social changes. His perpetual existence didn't harden his heart like Viltrum's brutal culture did to Nolan. Instead, Immortal's immortality allowed his empathy and compassion to blossom.

Humans are social creatures. Our brains have evolved to seek out interpersonal relationships, crave affection, and find meaning in community. For an immortal like Immortal, social interaction is vital to staving off boredom, depression and detachment from humanity.

By inhabiting mortal lives, he stays tethered to the human experience. He continues learning, growing, and developing empathy.

This is why he's devastated when the guardians die.

This is also why he goes fucking mental and tries to kill Omni-man.

If Immortal had lived in isolation all this time, unable to connect with people, his psyche would likely resemble Nolan's more closely. Without social interaction, Immortal's brain would atrophy in ways that preclude complex emotions and moral reasoning. His sense of purpose would fade, achievements would lose meaning, and life itself might feel pointless. By engaging with humanity, Immortal gives his endless existence purpose and direction. He finds value in each temporary life, so loss still impacts him deeply. Socializing keeps his emotions and cognition flexible, which prevents the apathy and hardness of heart seen in Nolan. Nolan never had these opportunities in his early years, this is why it's more difficult for him to stray away from his indoctrination. It's that he's unused to it, underdeveloped.

60 years to Nolan would've been a year and a half, so what's 20 measly years on Earth for him? Yes, he found profound connections in that little speck of time, but Immortal's emotional capacity is far more extensive.

In summary, Comparing Nolan to a human, whether mortal or immortal, is kinda inaccurate. His Viltrumite psyche rules out him from possessing JADED human qualities. You could say he's desensitized to violence sure, but no.. unfortunately.. he does not have [boomer] brain. He has [indoctrinated alien-fascist brain]

Leave your own thoughts down below or through reblogs, I'm really interested on what others may think of this! (URGHHHNN... my hcs r slipping away from my fingers cuz now people r gonna accept what matpat says as truth.. someone gun me down from the hills..)

[justmeinadaze]

Hi! I’m 23 but requesting anonymously because this is a similar situation I experienced and wished someone would have been there for me.

I was wondering if you would be interested in writing a Steddie x reader story where the reader recently lost her grandma who she lived with in a two bedroom apartment. It’s left the reader financially strapped and she posts an ad for a roommate. Steve and Eddie are looking for a place and sees the ad. Steve is a nurse and Eddie is a mechanic or masseuse (two extremes but I feel like Eddie is always a mechanic lol).

The reader is really withdrawn and struggling with grief because her grandma was all she had. She is working two jobs and not taking care of herself. She wears herself out and gets sick. She’s really resistant to letting anyone take care of her. And she doesn’t talk to Steve and Eddie much because she’s trying to hide her struggles and doesn’t want to bother them. And it’s an adjustment to living with other people. Steve and Eddie have a huge soft spot for the reader and want to take care of her.

There can be smut or no smut in this or if it would happen to turn into two or more parts! You’re a talented writer so I have no doubt you will write this beautifully!

A/N: It took me awhile to get to this because it struck a cord with me. I get this. I am this minus a Steve and Eddie.

I think I've mentioned it before but my father suddenly passed away 10 years ago and it destroyed me. I still deal with the aftermath of that to this day. Not only do I struggle with that grief but I struggle with how I was and have been treated which is why I am a big advocate on taking the time to feel what you feel and no matter what anyone says THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON GRIEF.

The doctor experience I write in this story happened to me and the chaos of that...I can't even... But yeah...more than anything I want anyone who's grieving a loved one to know, you are not alone, you are not broken, your feelings are valid, and I love you <3.

The title of this comes from "Guernica" by Brand New. I was thinking of this song when I got the request because the lead singer wrote it for his grandfather who was sick in the hospital.

P.S. I am more than willing to write another part to this. I wanted to focus on the emotional aspect more than a smutty aspect for this first part.

Warnings: Topic of Grief and loss of a family member, panic attack mentioned in slight detail, Steve and Eddie have an established relationship here.

"I submit no excuse

If this is what I have to do

I owe you every day I wake

If I could I would shrink myself

Sink through your skin to your blood cells

Remove whatever makes you hurt

But I am too weak to be your cure

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?

I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind."

“So, um, yeah the rent is $1300 including utilities and it’s due on the first of the month. You can leave it on the counter here and I can take it down to make the payment.”

Watching them go through her room was like being stabbed in the chest. When your grandmother passed, a part of you died with her and it killed you even more when you had to slowly begin removing things from her room to make space for a new roommate. Your grandma was your everything basically being a mother to you when everyone else disappeared. When she got sick it, it was no brainer to have her move in so you could look out for her with as much love and care as she had you growing up. 

For four years, she fought her disease until heaven decided it was time for her to go home. After that you began to spiral and not just personally but within life. When did everything become so expensive? Even in your rent-controlled apartment, you could barely afford the bills because everything else around you escalated to the point where now you couldn’t even take out a small loan to get groceries because your credit was so fucked up. 

You didn’t want to get a roommate and avoided the notion as long as possible but when it was becoming harder and harder to live day to day, you finally gave in. 

You were surprised when a boy answered your ad you had placed in the paper but when he told you their story, you couldn’t help but sympathize. 

“Yeah, my boyfriend and I are looking for a nice, safe place. The small town we were living in was already harassing him for the way he looks but when they found out we were together… I knew I needed to get us both out of there.”

“We can take it if you want. I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of everything.”, the pretty boy who introduced himself as Steve responded as he leaned against the wall next to you.

“I mean it’s no problem. I work a couple of jobs so I usually leave pretty early anyway.”

“Me to. Well, it’s more like me coming in early because I work overnights from time to time. I’m not sure if the hospital over here is the same but… yeah. What, um, what do you think, babe?”

The longhaired boy who told you his name was Eddie beamed widely your way.

“I love it. Are you sure we won’t be bothering you, sweetheart? We’re nice guys, we swear.”

“No. No bother.”

Both men glance towards each other at your sullen tone before Steve extended his hand towards you with an equal large but soft smile of his own. 

“We’ll take it.”

***

You didn’t anticipate how hard it was going to be having someone in the apartment again let alone people that reminded you of her. Before she retired, your grandmother was a nurse and when the scent of hand sanitizer and hospital lingered on Steve’s admittedly beautiful hands, your mind shifted to the stories she would tell you about her late nights talking with patients in her care. 

Through smell alone, you learned Eddie got a job as a mechanic at the shop down the street and the first night when the aroma of gasoline lingered you cried at the memories of being a little girl with your grandparents, sitting by your grandfather’s truck as he attempted to fix it for the 400th time. 

Loneliness began to set in almost immediately after they moved in. They never actively displayed affection in front of you but there were moments when you were leaving for work and you’d pass by their open bedroom door to see them cuddled together. Sometimes at night when you would come home from your second job, you would hear Eddie talking to Steve over the phone while he was at work and he would giggle at something the man said on the other line before telling him how much he loved him. 

You missed having someone care about you…

Your grandparents had always been there for you through everything; every breakup, rough patch in life, or just to have someone remind you that you were loved unconditionally…they were there. 

When your grandmother lived with you, you laughed harder, smiled wider, and loved waking up in the morning. Now that all seemed so far away, so unattainable. You couldn’t ever picture yourself being happy like that again. 

To avoid that pain, you ran around constantly. It’s not like you could stop anyway with how hard things got around you. Life moves on…you can’t stop just because you’re numb. You suffer through it just like everyone else. 

“Y/N?”

At the sound of Eddie’s voice, you jumped shattering the glass in your hand.

“Fuck, I’m sorry—”

“No, no. That was my fault. You seemed lost in thought. Don’t move, I can clean this up here.”

Nodding, you stood still as you watched him run to grab a broom before your brain caught up with you.

“Wait! Wait, um, don’t…don’t throw away the glass. This was, um, someone in my family gave me this cup.”

“Oh, uh, ok. Well, I don’t see a lot of little pieces. I can try and fix it for you. Do you feel comfortable coming into our room?”

Silently, you headed in that direction, pausing in front of the bed as the metalhead shimmed around you to dig in the desk drawer by the window. Everything in the room was completely different. Where her bed with her yellow comforter used to be was now a bigger bed, higher off the ground with black sheets and blue pillowcases. Where her dresser used to be with the vanity that had photos taped to the mirror was now a much smaller 3 drawer shelf with a guitar hanging above it. On the nightstand, instead of medication and a photo of you with your grandparents, there was now a pack of cigarettes, empty beer cans, a photo of both men, and a book that was half read. 

“Ok, I knew Steve had it around here somewhere. I’m clumsy as hell so he’s always fixing things I accidently break.”, Eddie mused as he sat on the floor and began to focus on his task. “So, um, how are you?”

You couldn’t help but breathily laugh at the awkward way he asked that making him smirk at the sound as you took a seat in front of him.

“I’m alright. I just have a lot going on, you know?”

“Yeah, you come and go a lot like Steve but he gets to sleep. What do you do if I may ask?”

“I’m actually a photographer for the paper.”

“Oooo paparazzi girl!” Eddie’s grin grows as his eyes take you in watching you genuinely laugh for the first time since they met you. “Is that why you come and go at weird hours?”

“Oh, no. When I’m not there, I have another job at the mall taking photos of like families and kids at Glamour Shots.”

“Yeah? Those shiny, glimmering photos? I keep trying to get Steve to take a couple of those with me but he gets adorably embarrassed.”

“How long have you two been together?”

“Geez, uh, almost 3 years now. Spent the first couple hiding our relationship because of our town and his parents, rich fuckers who think they control the moral high ground.”, he rolls his eyes. “A few months ago, he finally told them we were together and his parents kicked him out of his house. A couple weeks later, I got harassed at my job and that was the final straw. Steve packed our things and we drove out here.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No reason for you to be, princess. You’ve been nothing but nice to us. Well, when we see you.”, he chuckles. “Steve gets worried sometimes that you push yourself too hard.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m strong. I’ll be ok.”

“No one’s saying your weak, Y/N.”

“Good because I’m not!” You snap as silence falls over the room before Eddie displays the cup for you with his palm on the bottom. 

“You may not want to use it for its purpose but keep it as a display.”

Without taking it from him, you rise to your feet and run to your room, slamming the door. 

###########

Everything was loud.

Why is everything so loud?

You were running late for your second job and you couldn’t find the polo you wore for it. You felt disgusting, not having time to shower in what felt like an eternity and you were just so fucking exhausted. You couldn’t afford to lose this job nor calling in to rest. You had to make money. It’s what everyone else does.

Why is everything so loud?

As you opened your door, you were met with Eddie standing at the counter in the kitchen. 

“Have, um, have you seen…”

“Y/N, are you alright?” Tears cloud your vision as you run your fingers through your hair and absently look around the apartment with your eyes. “BABE.”

You flinched at the metalhead’s loud but stern tone not even realizing that Steve was suddenly in front of you with his hands on your biceps. 

“Y/N, what’s going on?”

“Let me go! I have…I have to…to go to work…”, you sobbed before your legs gave out and the world went black. 

***

When your eyes finally fluttered open, it was pitch dark outside and your body felt incredibly drained. It felt like every bone in your body had become stiff as you carefully tried to sit up. 

“Hey, no, no, no. Don’t move to quickly or we’ll lose you again.”, Steve cooed softly as he came up from behind you and sat down on his knees to help adjust you. “Good. Here, drink some of this but not too fast.”

When he handed you the bottle of water, you gladly sipped it as his concerned eyes scanned you over. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Heavy.”

“I’m not surprised. When you push your body as hard as you have at some point it pushes back. Do you think you can eat something while we talk?”

When you nodded, a plate appeared beside you as Eddie handed it to his partner.

“I’m going to ask you some questions purely from a medical standpoint, ok? Do you feel comfortable if Ed stays? He had a bit of a panic attack to when we couldn’t wake you up.”

“That’s fine.”, you whisper. “Is that what happened? I panicked?”

“Um, kind of, honey. This kind of seems like a slow build so I would say anxiety attack. We know you work pretty much around the clock and you told me when I called that you were struggling with cash. Has anything else been going on?”

“Someone…that mattered to me…is gone. Died.”

Eddie sat on the couch next you and without thinking brushed some of your hair behind your ear so they could see your face better. 

“I’m sorry. How long ago?”, the nurse continued to inquire. 

“On the 18th it will be 8 months.”

“And you’ve been doing everything you have?! Y/N.”, the metalhead sighed as his boyfriend gave him a look of warning as if to say tread carefully. “Sweetheart, you should be taking it easy so you can grieve.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m supposed to be fine by now.”, you murmur as you shrug your shoulders. “After my grandmother died, I got 2 weeks paid leave for bereavement. Two weeks. Two weeks of fucking casseroles, sympathies, and people checking in. After that time, everyone began to slowly disappear and I went back to work but I never…I never felt whole. I didn’t understand why everyone else seemed fine while I was still felt like I was dying.”

“After two months, I went to a doctor and told them how I felt. Do you know what she said? ‘After 6 weeks, it’s no longer grief but depression.’ That shook me. I thought to myself ‘well shit. I guess there is a time limit on grieving and there must be something wrong with me because I can’t get better!’” 

The tears begin to fall at a faster pace and you let them go. 

“I still have to work, pay my bills, live my life… but no one ever walked me through how to do that. No one ever showed me how to continue existing without the person you love…without someone who meant the most to you… I wasn’t prepared to be left alone without her.”

Eddie presses your head to his chest as you sob, his arms squeezing you tightly as he whispered that you were ok. Sudden heat warmed your side as Steve leaned his head against your shoulder as he intertwined his fingers with yours while your body trembled against them. 

This had been a long time coming and you allowed the pain to wash over you till you fell asleep in their arms. 

***

This time when you opened your eyes, you were bundled up in a blanket with your head still against Eddie’s chest with one hand comfortingly rubbing your arm while the other held a book he was reading. 

“What are you reading?”

Tilting his head, his gentle eyes take you in as he grins and closes the book to show you the cover. 

The Vampire Lestat.

“I love vampires but Steve likes werewolves. Should have known he’d break my heart one day.”, he teased as the other boy comes around and places a soda with more food on the coffee table in front of you. 

“They are big dog like animals. How can you not like them? Y/N, I want you to at least eat a little bit of this, ok? You need to refuel.”

Not wanting to leave the metalheads comfortable embrace, you whine as you sit up until the smell of the pasta hits your nostrils and you realize how hungry you actually are. 

“Slow! Goodness.”, Steve chuckles as he takes a seat on floor after serving his partner and himself as well. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve had a home cooked meal. Usually, I’m eating microwaved food or something I pick up on the way to and from work. This is delicious, Steve, thank you.”

The three of you casually talk allowing you to really get to the know the men you had been living with. Eddie loved music and had been playing guitar since he was a little boy. He and his uncle had been fixing up cars since he moved in with him after his father went to jail. Steve learned in high school he enjoyed helping people and after he graduated he went to nursing school. 

“My dad gave me shit because I’m ‘settling’ and not becoming a doctor. I like what I do though. As a nurse I get more one on one with patients and make them feel cared for which as you noticed is hard in today’s society. Doctors seem to care more about the money and not the person.”

His eyes drink in your demeanor as you smile, agreeing with his words. Your entire energy seemed different since the first time they met you. You seemed to be relaxing a bit more and some of what he assumed was your normal personality began to shine through. 

“What about you, honey? Eddie told me you’re a photographer.”

Silently, you unraveled the blanket you had been tangled in and bounced to your bedroom, returning with some photos that you placed on the coffee table in front of them. 

“This man here proposed to this girlfriend by painting a mural on the side of an abandoned building that the city was going to tear down. The mayor called it graffiti and they tried arresting him for it.”

“Oh, wow. That’s gorgeous. I hope this guy is making a ton of money in like New York or something.”, the longhaired boy grins.

“This young lady saved her baby brother from a fire.”

“This are amazing, Y/N. You are extremely talented. “

 “What was this story about?”, Steve asked as he held up a photo of an older woman smiling on the couch by a window watching the rain. 

“That’s my grandma.”, you softly smile as you take it from his hands. “This was about a year before she… I remember we were talking about some trivial stuff and suddenly she turned to me and said ‘Life is beautiful. Even something as small as listening to the rain is never something you should take for granted.’”

“I like that.”, Eddie responded with a tender tone that made you feel safe. “She was right. I know it’s hard with all the bullshit going on in the world but… I think we do need to stop and take a look around, you know?”

“Y/N, honey, we hope you know that you don’t have to do everything yourself. We can help you. We have some money in savings if you need to take a break and—”

“No. No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking, we’re offering.”, Steve insisted. “At least, quit your second job. You need a moment to breathe. We can help with any extra bills you may have until you really get back on your feet.”

Tilting forward, you kissed his cheek before leaning towards Eddie to do the same. 

“Thank you…so much…”

################

Over the next week, you felt more motivated to do things you hadn’t wanted to do over the past 8 months. You did what Steve suggested and quit your job at the mall. You began moving around and leaving the apartment for fun things instead of work. You accompanied the boys to a movie at the theater and took them to the lake where you basked in the sunlight all day. 

You took the time to eat healthier, home cooked meals even offering to make your roommates a meal every now and again. Sometimes when you knew Steve would be out all night, you left some leftovers in the refrigerator and wake up the next morning with a note on the counter thanking you with a big smiley face.

One morning, however, you were surprised with something different. When you opened your bedroom door to get some coffee, you noticed a box with a big red bow on the top and a piece of paper attached to the side. 

“Y/N,

There’s no bottom to the box so all you need to do is lift. I was afraid if we put this in an actual box it may break. Steve said it would be ok but I reminded him he fixes people not objects : ). 

Eddie’s been working on this for a while but we thought after how well you’ve been doing, we just wanted to show you how proud we are of you and how much we’ve enjoyed having you in our lives.

Eddie & Steve”

Carefully lifting the wrapped box and placing it aside, you picked up the glass you had dropped and Eddie had tried to fix. The blank material now had an image of your grandmother you had showed them illustrated on to it with her head turned towards the window. Instead of watching the rain, when she looked out the window there was a detailed drawing of you grinning with your fingers tangled in your hair as you were moving it behind your ear.

He had painted it with light colors, giving her an angelic glow that broke you as you began to cry.

Your feet scooted against the floor as you hurried towards their door and knocked on it a bit too enthusiastically causing it to fly open with a panicked look on the metalhead’s half asleep face. 

“What!? What’s going on? Where’s the fire?!”

You tackled your arms around his neck, not even realizing he was only in boxers. From the bed, Steve saw what was in your hand, smirking as he fell back against the pillow and slung his arm over his eyes.

“Thank you for this. You have no idea how much this means to me.”, you whispered. 

When he finally realized nothing was wrong, his arms settled around your waist.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. You’re not alone, Y/N. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself, ok?” As you pull away and let him go, his hands cup your face as he dries your tears. “Now go back to bed, you fucking weirdo. It’s too early.”, he teases as he lightly pushes you away making you giggle as he turns back around and crawls into bed.

“May I—”

Before you can finish your sentence, he lifts up the covers and Steve pats the mattress between them. Once you climb in, the pretty boy lifts his arm and circles it around you to tug you closer to his side. When your head rests on his bare chest, your surprised at how warm and comfortable he feels against you, looping your arm around him as you nuzzle into his skin. Another set of arms wrap around your waist pressing you against Eddie’s equally comforting frame. 

His steady breath hitting your shoulder mixed with the other man’s heartbeat lulls you into the heaviest sleep you hadn’t experienced in a long time. 

#############

Steddie Asks

[readychilledwine]

Training Tensions

A second part of Early Mornings (link in masterlist and coming soon) in a way. Showing the beginning of the mateship/courting between Cassian, our illyrian oc (who now has a name), and Nesta. But with a plot twist so I have an excuse for something that may get posted later.

Summary - Nesta can't help falling harder and harder for Irelina. They've been ignoring it for months now, but the dam has to break at some point

Warnings - fxmxf threesome inferred, oral, mentions of a trouple/poly-relationships, husband encouraging someone else to bang his wife (because Cassian is a king), mentions of impact play, wing play, oh and some actually emotionally stuff. It's NSFW but not as spicy as I've been known to post

A/N - I hadn't intended to add to Early Morning much, but when I'm in a writers block, my mind goes back to her, Nesta, and Cassian, and the emotional bond between her and Nesta. So you may occasionally see pieces of them sprinkled between other updates.

"He's just selfish!" Nesta landed another harsh punch that had Irelina smiling with pride inside despite the stinging in her hands growing. "He just thinks he knows everything," another sharp punch landed on her pad. "And for being able to get into people's heads, he understands nothing." 

The final blow caught her off guard. Nesta pulled a move the young female watched her use while she was sparring with Cassian. A faked right into a left into the stomach. Nesta gasped as she doubled over. Eyes wide in shock as she began to cough. 

"I'm so sorry!" Nesta was at her side, a hand gently touching her back. "I-"

"Don't apologize," she wheezed out. She placed her hands on her knees, taking deep breaths through her nose as Cassian ran over.

"What happened?" Nesta backed away, only for Irelina to reach for her hand and hold her there. Electricity shooting through her at the contact.

"She's a visual learner," is all she said. "She took a fake shot on me and it worked because we had hardly even discussed that yet. I'm so proud of you, Ness."

Nesta's face slightly flushed with the praise before she buried it away. 

-

Training the next day involved her and Nesta in meditation. Focusing on their inner self. "I can feel how unsettled you are. Talk to me." It was a gentle invitation. One Nesta took immediately.

"I just do not understand how you all sat there and did not tell Feyre she would die."

Nesta watched her eyes open. "There was not a single day that went by since I found out that I did not want to tell her. Trust me." Irelina paused, looking towards where Cassian and Azriel were sparring. "It just was not my place. I do agree it was not handled properly, though."

Nesta's mind froze, unprepared to have her feelings validated. "You don't think I'm wrong?"

She shook her head at Nesta, eyes closed again. "I think Rhysand, my dearest brother, should have included his mate and wife in decision making regarding their babe and her body. I feel HE should have told her right away and included her in the search to find solutions."

She opened her eyes, finally looking at Nesta with that gaze that reminded the younger female of molten honey. "I do not think you told her from a place of genuine concern and love, though. That is the only thing I do not believe was handled correctly on your end."

Nesta sook her head. "I do love her, it was concern."

"It is not your love I question, Ness. It's your intention. In your heart, yes, you meant well. In your subconscious, no." Nesta studied the illyrian female, her beautiful face and scarred wings. "I think you are grieving so deeply, Nesta, your heart has begun to be poisoned. You are blinded by your rage and hurt. I understand that heartache." 

"We failed you," she continued. "We failed you, and Elain, multiple times. We failed you when you were forced into that Cauldron, we failed you when you were recovering, we failed you when your father died, and we failed you after the war."

Nesta felt her heart swelling, her eyes beginning to water. She had longed to hear those exact words for nights now.

"I failed you," Irelina said softly. "I failed you when I allowed you to go down the same pathway I did of numbing yourself through booze and sex. I failed you when I wasn't there every day and night holding you. I failed you, and I will never be able to make up for it."

She held her hand to Nesta, then gently laced their fingers together. "Everything you are feeling, little dove, every piece of anger, of longing, of sadness, of self doubt, of absolute burning sheer rage, you are valid in those feelings. You are allowed to feel those feelings." She brought Nesta's hand to her lips, kissing the top of it gently, "it's how we move forward in how you process those feelings, how you let them free, that makes the difference in your soul's peace or turmoil."

-

Nesta was awake before her. Before Azriel and Cassian. Eyes locked in the fire burning in the hearth. Her dreams were haunted by Irelina, but not the way her nightmares had plagued her. 

They were haunted by gentle touches, soft whispered words of love, support, and encouragement. 

They were haunted by memories of the two of them, when Rhys would allow her off her leash and the two of them would spend time reading, finger tips running up and down her arm as Irelina jotted down notes for reports or flipped her horror novel behind her. 

Nesta jumped when soft hands found her waist, a kiss placed on her temple. "Why are you up so early, dove?" She shivered at the sound of her voice laced in sleep. "Want breakfast or coffee? I can steal some tea from Azriel too?"

Nesta's mind flashed to the last time they had breakfast alone, to when Irelina served her coffee and the fluffiest pancakes she had ever had. Nesta had hardly been able to control herself around Irelina and Cassian for weeks after that, but her  rage towards Cassian helped. Her jealousy of hearing him make his wife a begging mess helped. 

"I was wondering if we could not train today?" Nesta asked quietly. "Just take a day to relax, you and me?"

"I'd have to ask Azriel," she said. "But I will work something out with him. Did you want breakfast?"

-

Azriel had not let Nesta out of training. Following his orders to a t, much to both of the females disappointment.

Nesta and Irelina were sparring basic hand to hand and currently locked together. It didn't take her but a spare second to take Nesta to the ground, straddling her hips and pinning her hands above her head. 

Nesta's chest was heaving, her eyes wide and mouth parted slightly.  Irelina's brows scrunched together at the same time Cassian gripped his chest over his heart and Azriel's shoulder. 

She was off Nesta in an instant, moving through the House of Wind as Nesta ran after her. 

She locked herself into the bathroom of her and Cassian's room, sinking against the wall. Nesta jiggled the door handle forehead against the cool wood, "Irelina, let me in." She knocked softly. "Talk to me, please. I know you're scared. I was scared when I felt it too, but you've made me feel so safe, please."

She heard Cassian's footsteps. "Lark? Baby, what's wrong?" Irelin didn't answer. Sitting with her head against the wall, a new silver thread gleaming next to a golden one. She tugged them both before closing the bond down. 

Cassian knew the message, placing a hand around Nesta's shoulders as he saw that pretty silver string too. "Give her a little bit, dove. She's shocked."

"You knew?" Cassian nodded at her question.

"Of course, dove. I knew the second I laid eyes on you in that manor you were mine, ours." Lark and dove, Nesta noted immediately. His little birds. The thought spread warmth through her body. The thought of being his. Of being Irelina's. Of being theirs.

-

Irelina skipped dinner, punching her feelings into one of the spare bags into the early hours of night. 

Nesta could feel her confusion, her excitement, her pain radiating through her hands. 

Cassian and Azriel had left for the evening claiming there was an emergency in Windhaven, and telling Nesta to behave herself while they were gone. Nesta closed her book, walking to the training grounds and sitting to watch Irelina.

She was covered in sweat, muscles and breasts shining in the light of the full moon. She struck the punching bag quick, precise, and repeatedly. She was wearing nothing more than a tight pair of leggings and a bra built for training. Her dark hair was messily braided back with a few pieces framing her high cheekbones. 

Nesta felt her eyes trapped on the muscles flexing in her thighs and arms.  Irelina paused, her head turning to Nesta. She shook whatever thoughts were running through her mind off and went back to beating the punching bag. 

The loud flapping of wings and a soft thud next to Nesta ripped her from the inappropriate place her mind was going. 

"She likes to bathe after doing this," it was an emotionless purr that made Nesta growl. "She likes lilac oils and red wine. Plenty of bubbles."

Nesta glared towards Rhysand. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Cassian asked me to ensure you took care of her tonight since he won't be here to do it himself. It is your duty, after all, as her mate." Rhysand took off again, flying back to the home he and Feyre were staying in. 

Her mate. The words replayed over and over again like a crescendo in a symphony. Her mate.

-

Nesta prepared a bath for her, pouring the scented oil and wine for both of them, and waited. Irelia froze at the door, already wrapped in a towel. 

Nesta took a step back from the bath, sitting in the vanity chair. "I thought you needed something to help you relax. You don't seem okay lately."

She nodded. "Thank you." She moved toward the tub, stepping shamelessly out of the towel and into the warm water. Nesta was reading her romance novel while Irelina bathed. Her eyes locked on the sultry scene being painted for her between the two female love interests. Her thighs began to squeeze together occasionally, begging for friction. 

Her eyes began to flick to the naked illyrian female. Her breasts were peeking above the water, bubbles hiding the toned body and curves below. 

Nesta was desperate to touch her. To kiss her. To have her. "Your back looks sore," she stated. "Do you want me to come rub it?" 

The scent in the air changed immediately. The lilac oil mixing with something slightly musky. "If you'd like to?"

Nesta swallowed that bit of fear in her bones, moving to the tub behind her and sitting with her legs in the warm water.

The steam in the room was thick as if it was adding to the tension between the two females. Nesta moved her wet dark hair over one shoulder and began rubbing her shoulders.  A soft moan had Nesta almost pausing before moving lower. "Cassian needs to give you a massage," Nesta joked.

"He tries," she laughed out. "He really does. But he gets distracted."

"I can see how." The words came out before Nesta could stop them. They hung in the air like magic. Lingering in their effect on both of them. Irelina turned between Nesta's legs, wet hands trailing her bare right calf. 

"You can't say things like that, Nesta. Our self control with you is already low." She lifted Nesta's long left leg over her shoulder and trailed a few testing kisses up her calf. "There's so many things I long to do to you, Nesta."

The oldest Archeron sister's face had flushed. She pulled her dress up further exposing her legs, then her stomach, then her breasts until it was off and they were both laid bare to each other. "Show me," Nesta whispered. "Show me what you want to do to me."

So Irelina did.

-

Cassian could smell sex in his room the second the door opened. He knew one scent immediately. Pomegranate and currants, his wife. The other a vanilla spicy musk with touches of amber. 

A familiar moan had him hard instantly as he moved mindlessly to the bathroom door. 

The sight behind that door was heaven. Nesta had his mate laid out on the tile bathroom floor, her back arched as her hands tangled in Nesta's freed long hair. 

Nesta had her head between his mate's thighs, tongue and mouth working her timidly but encouraged by each hair pull and breathy gasp. "Like that, Ness, please, fuck." 

Cassian moved the chair Nesta had previously been in, drinking the wine that was opened straight from the bottle. Nesta looked up, seeing him and pausing, ripping a pleading whine to leave his wife's throat. 

"Don't stop on my account," his voice was deep, laced with arousal as he watched Nesta. "Keep going, Ness. Unless you need me to show you how to make that pretty bird sing?"

Nesta's eyes grew dark at the offer. At the thought of learning how to draw the same noises from Irelina the way Cassian did. He smirked, moving to Nesta. He took one of his wife's beautiful legs, placing it over Nesta's shoulder, similar to how she had pulled Nesta apart earlier. "Do to her exactly what you want done to you, Ness." 

So she did, sucking her clit into her mouth and licking that bundle of nerves. 

"Fuck. Please?" Moans turned into whimpers as Irelina pulled Nesta's face further into her heat.

Cassian ran a long finger down Nesta's spine, feeling every bump and ridge. Memorizing every building muscle. Nesta hummed under his touch, sending vibration through his wife causing another crying moan. "Is this okay, Nesta?" She whined in response, arching up for Cassian. "What a beautiful little thing you are, sweetheart. We've wanted you for so long."

"So long," his mate moaned and confirmed. 

-

Nesta woke up between two warm bodies, two sets of wings caging her in like weighted blankets of protection. She turned to her side and traced Irelia's Face and played with her lashes causing the other female to wrinkle her nose and pull her closer. "Did we hurt you?" Nesta shook her head at the sleepy tone from the other female. "This doesn't have to change anything between us, Ness. We can still just cuddle, read, and be friends."

Nesta swallowed thickly. "And if I want more? If I'm ready for more?"

"Then we're more," she whispered. "But he is part of the deal, so you two will need to work on your…. Current relationship." 

"I don't know how."

She ran a hand through Nesta's hair. "Let him train you with me. Stop pushing him away. Talk to him. Cassian can be rough, but once those walls you two seem to fortify around each other melt and bend, you're both these soft creatures needing love and validation. Gentle understanding."

She pulled Nesta to her, kissing her lips softly. Nesta rolled them over carefully, a hand going to Irelia's Delicate wing, making her arch her back. 

"Oh?" Nesta rose a brow. "I thought Feyre was kidding." 

Irelia shook her head quickly. "Pretty serious. Watch." She watched as Irelina danced long limber fingers on the ridge of Cassian's wing. "Get on top of him. Take what's yours, dove. I know you want him back inside of you." She tugged that string, making Nesta gasp. "Shall we turn him to putty?"

Cassian woke up to Nesta on his already hard cock, riding as she kissing Irelina, whose pretty dripping cunt was just in reach of his happily awaiting tongue.

-

Azriel sat with his hands folded at the table as the three of them emerged one by one. The scent of it was overwhelming. The ridiculously pungent bond. The heavy scent of sex.

He rose a brow at Irelina, knowing the female would tell him everything shamelessly to draw jealousy out of him.. "Anything happen while we were gone? Anything I as Nesta's babysitter need to know about."

She rolled her eyes at him, forcing Nesta into her normal seat next to Cassian and taking the spot next to Azriel. 

"You can join us next time if it makes you feel better, Spymaster." Cassian and Nesta's eyes both lit up. "Maybe I'll even let you beat me with a cane or hang me from the ceiling."

Nesta noticed how that immediately got Azriel's attention. His scarred hand flying to Irelina's neck. "You know better than to tease me, little bat." Azriel smirked at the shock on Nesta's face. "Welcome to the throuple, Ness. Excuse me while I go remind this pretty little thing who is actually in charge between the 3 of us." He took Irelina by her neck back up the stairs, whispering in her ear as he moved with her.

Cassian leaned back with a smirk. "Welcome, dove. Might want to start mentally preparing for that one."

[agenttommykinard]

have some more of my OUAT 911 AU... part one here

* * *

The forest seems to move around them, the nature of its ancient depths unknown to all of them. This wasn't just an ordinary forest-

"Keep going!" Captain Gerard yells through the heavy storm. "We're not leaving until we find the Queen!"

Their group continues on, their numbers now merely seven, when at the begining of their campaign they were twenty men strong. Its disenheartening, watching thier brothers in arms get picked off one by one, but their Captain was a hardened man and he didn't allow any of them to grieve.

It sits like a rock, heavy on his chest, but Thomas pushes forward.

If they don't complete this quest, then all of their deaths will be for nothing.

"I hate it here," Salvatore grumbles under his breath. "It's been nothing since rain and darkness. My armor is rusting-"

Thomas smiles despite himself, shaking his head at his closest friend. He bumps his shoulder into Salvatore's own and gets the other man to smile. Even in the dark, Thomas can see it as a challenge.

Salvatore pushes back and for a moment they're both just young men who grew up together, finding joy when they can when their world was hard. Thomas almost laughs, but he restrains himself from doing so.

"You'll get the Captain's attention," Thomas says, and what brief joy he had falls from his face. "We both know what he's like."

Salvatore looks at him, and nods his head solemly.

They know what their Captain is like when he gets an idea in his head, stubborn to the point of being dangerous. The King sent them on this quest, to capture the Queen of the Fae so that the King could control magic. So that their country could never be in danger again.

It's the ultimate honor, to die for their King and Kingdom.

But looking around at what's left of the people Thomas had grown up with, withering away from the months of travel, shaking from the cold and jumping at their own shadows in fear-

He's starting to have his doubts.

"Come on Men!" Gerard yells. "We're so close! We can get that Fairy, put and end to this quest and come home as heroes!"

The men all cheer as much as they can, their voices carrying throughout the trees. It feels like a battle cry of sort, though Thomas doubts they would win in any fights with how exhuasted they all are.

And still, Thomas joined in their cheers.

***

The forest twists endlessly in front of them, blocking their view. Thomas swears they've been walking in circles. It feels endless.

They're tired, exhausted and in such poor spirits that even Gerard agrees they should try and camp out for the night.

They find an area where the forest is so dense, that they are covered from most of the rain, and Thomas is sent out to try and find anything dry enough to use for firewood. He gives Salvatore his sword to watch after and grabs an axe. Gerard won't let any of them go in pairs with how few of them are left.

"Come back," Salvatore says grips Thomas' forearm weakly. Thomas has noticed how he had begun to visibly shiver hours ago, and that he was hiding his coughs from the others. "Don't make me come save your bastard ass."

"I can handle myself." He promises. "I always do." Thomas smiles and sits his friend down, giving him his waterskin. Salvatore tries to push it back but Thomas is stronger and they've both been taught never to show weakness and Salvatore gives up and takes the water. "Rest. Please." Thomas urges quietly.

"Fine," Salvatore huffs. "If only so I have the strength to cary you out of this cursed forest." He gives Thomas's arm another squeeze.

Then Thomas is off.

Alone.

[chiefduckgarden]

Definitely, Jim and Pam

Summary: Part two of this thing is feeling like Jim and Pam

A/N: It took a long time to finish, but it's finally here. Thanks to all the peole who kept asking about this part two. And sorry for the waiting. This is about 10k+ words so, enjoy!

Remember this is inspired in Jim and Pam from The Office!

--------------------------------------------------

Los Angeles was nice.

It's been a month since you started college and you could say you had blended in pretty well.

The classes were exhausting but everything else was new and exciting for you. You felt like it was your chance for a new beginning, and you definitely needed one.

After that terrible prom night you isolated yourself for two entire weeks. No social media, no calls, no messages, no visits. You only bothered to send your application letter for college.

When you finally decided to turn on your phone again you realized some of your friends tried to reach out to you. You answered every single message, letting everyone know that you were okay. But your heart broke a little when you realized that none of those messages or missed calls were from Wanda.

And that was your breaking point. You understood that you really screwed up things with her. She wasn't even concerned about your absence, if anything you thought she was relieved that you didn't tried to talk her anymore.

For the next months you avoided anything related to Wanda. Before blocking her number you sent her one last text apologizing and explaining your reasons to go zero contact with her.

You didn't expect her to answer anyway.

Although Pietro did call you to know about how you were doing, the moment he mentioned Wanda you stopped him right away.

"Please let's not talk about her, it still hurts too much". That's what you said.

He sighed but changed the subject immediately. That's when you found out he got into a foreign university in Switzerland and that he was moving out of the country.

You smiled happily and extended your congratulations to him.

Some time later you found yourself moving to Los Angeles and starting your first year of college.

Some of your friends ended up with you there, like Kate, Peter and MJ. It was awesome to have old friends with you, but meeting new people was also exciting.

You heard from a random conversation between MJ and Peter that Wanda and Vision ended up together in NYU.

Your felt your stomach flinch at the reminder of Vision stealing your college dream with Wanda. And you hated yourself for it. By that moment you should've been over Wanda, she didn't love you, there was no reason to grieve a love that never existed in the first place.

But you excused yourself to your friends and ran into the nearest bathroom to cry your heart out. You knew you shouldn't, but you couldn't help it.

After washing your face to prevent anyone to notice your were crying, you looked at yourself in the mirror. You couldn't keep going like that. You felt like you were a ghost: lifeless.

Wanda really hit different but you needed to change, to take control of your life again.

You knew what you needed to do.

You needed to move on from Wanda.

I know Pietro, she's great but, she's my best friend - Wanda said to her brother, tears dried all over her cheeks - I just never thought she would feel the same way. I didn't know what to say, I just wanted to run. Now I think it's all messed up, it's too late. There's nothing left to do. She probably hates me. But... I think I'm still in love with her.

Wanda had really screw things up with you.

She knew it.

She couldn't help it though, the moment you told her about your feelings she froze. She never expected that those words would ever came out from your mouth.

You loved her.

You really loved her.

How did she never notice it before?

And why did you never say anything?

She had so many questions running trough her mind.

It was prom night, she was about to leave with Vision, she wanted to stay a little longer but they were already late, you were there with Kate, she didn't even know you liked Kate, did you really like her? Why did you never mentioned it to her before? Why was she so mad when she found out?. You loved her. You loved her.

You loved her.

Maybe it was a joke.

She looked at you expecting for you to laugh and tell her it was all a joke.

But you didn't.

- Y/N... Why are you doing this? You know I... I can't, he's there and...

Vision and his parents were waiting for her. She just started walking as you kept apologizing. She felt numb through the rest of the night.

Her boyfriend and his family did the most of the talking during the dinner.

She couldn't focus on anything that wasn't you. She had just left you. Alone. You had poured you heart out for her and she left.

You probably were devastated.

But what was she supposed to do?

She really was clueless. Everything happened so fast. And for some reason she felt like she needed to stand up for Vision. But she probably got too defensive.

Oh god it was really a mess.

He was always right.

They used to have recurrent fights or disscusions because Vision felt like you liked Wanda more than just as a friend. But she always defend you from the accusations saying you were her best friend, nothing more. Maybe she tried so hard because she wanted to convince herself too.

That night she came home exhausted. She felt her body drained from any energy or motivation.

Her brother was still awake and when he heard she was back he walked to her room to ask about how her night went.

She tried to put on a brave face but the moment Pietro flashed her a warm smile she broke down in his arms crying.

She vent to her brother all night long, letting him know everything that had happened at prom with you.

He didn't seem too surprised when she mentioned your love for her. Instead he only hugged her harder.

Pietro had been there for his sister since forever, their twin bond was something sacred for them, they were each other's best friends and obviously, each other's best confident.

He could still remember when a little 10 year old Wanda confessed to him that she wanted to kiss you. Some kids at her school had have their first kiss at recess that day and Wanda wanted to have her first kiss. With you.

That conversation followed so many others about her little, pure and innocent attraction towards you.

As she grew older those confessions ceased but Pietro remained as the front row witness of your undeniable love for each other.

- What am I supposed to do Pietro? I'm just really confused.

The white-haired boy smiled kindly at her.

- What do you feel like doing? Wanda we both know very well that you used to have feelings for Y/N, let's not fool ourselves.

Her brother was right, Wanda was well aware of her old feelings for you. Although she had worked so hard to buried them in the deepest place of her heart and mind, she could still remember how it was.

Who could blame her? She thought that forget those feelings was the best decision in order to protect your friendship. She never expected that some day you would feel the same way.

But there she was. Crying in her prom dress, secured in the safety of her brother's embrace, regretting every single second of that night.

- I truly don't know what to do Pietro... I feel like such an idiot and a bad friend.

- No Wanda, you're a human, there isn't a correct way to react to this kind of situation, you act out of impulse and natural reaction, there's nothing wrong with that.

- But I feel so bad... Y/N didn't deserve that... What do I do Pietro? Tell me...

- No sestra - her brother told her with a soft voice - I know, guilt it's a tricky feeling, but you need to figure out how to solve this problem, you can take your time and think about it but in the end it's gonna be up to you... Not me, Vision or Y/N... It's your decision Wanda.

Pietro gently kissed her sister's forehead and walked back to his room.

Wanda barely slept that night, too busy thinking in every possibility.

The next morning she received a text from Vision asking how she was doing and letting her know that he was gonna post a picture of the both of them from last night. She quickly understood the not so discrete hint and also posted a picture. She didn't feel like writing any caption so she just limited herself to type a red heart emoji.

The days passed and she used any possible excuse to avoid seeing Vision. She felt so bad for him too, he was oblivious of the situation, it wasn't fair for him either that his girlfriend was having doubts about her love for him and their relationship. It wasn't fair for him that all Wanda could think about was you.

A week later she got a text message from you. The first text you had send her since prom.

She doubt about opening it or not. What if it was a letter telling her how much you hated her now, asking her to never come close to you again, that your friendship was over and from that moment on Wanda had no place in your life.

After twenty minutes of debating with herself she opened the text.

It wasn't what she expected.

The text was long, as she expected, but there wasn't any hate on it. It made her cry, the way you expressed yourself and the way you perfectly described your feelings. She felt terrible when you apologized for making her feel uncomfortable. You could never.

She would never let anyone know the content of the letter, it was something she decided to keep for herself. A secret between you and her for only your hearts to know, hence she never mentioned your text to anyone. Not even Pietro. The letter becoming the first secret between the Maximoff twins.

Wanda's life froze for days, she didn't isolate herself like you, she just felt dead-walking everywhere she went. She was physically there but her mind was somewhere else. She was thinking about you.

But your text was clear. You needed time and space away from her. It hurt like hell but she respected you decision. Even when she wasn't sure if she wanted for you to forget her.

She got accepted into NYU, just like Vision. Her family threw a party for her and for the very first time in years you weren't present in one of her celebrations. Not that Irina Maximoff didn't call you, but mostly because you politely declined her invitation making up some lame excuse, thanking her though.

Some time later she was packing her entire life in a set of gray suitcases, ready to take a flight to New York and start her new life at college with her boyfriend by her side. It sounded like a dream if you hear it that way.

But for Wanda everything was like a nightmare. NYU was her college dream just because she always thought you would be with her. She wasn't even sure of the path she was following, she didn't know if she really wanted to study there anymore.

Her relationship with Vision was fragile. Since prom night Wanda drastically changed her affection towards him. She didn't kiss him anymore, they only had been in a few two or three dates after and the PDA was completely gone.

Vision wasn't a stupid guy. He noticed this changes since the very first day, but decided to keep silence. For some reason he thought that Wanda would come around again once they were in college together.

But during the first weeks in NYU everything went downhill. They both had classes all day and different schedules, so they didn't had too much time left to spent together besides the weekends. But even those days Wanda always had an excuse to avoid any plan: homework, an exam to study for, books she had to read, etc.

Vision grew tired of it by the end of the fifth week, after Wanda had canceled him for the third time in a row. Not caring about the fact that the girl told him she needed to finish a report for one of her classes he walked straight to her dorm and knocked on her door.

- What are you doing here? Vision I told you...

- I know, I know what you said, but I'm tired of it - he interrupted her - Weeks Wanda, it's been weeks since the last time we had a date, weeks since the last time we spent time together, I don't know what's happening but I demand an explanation now...

Wanda stared at him.

- I don't know what are you talking about Vis, I have so many things to do and...

- No! - he interrupted again - This isn't something that started just now. I felt it since a long time ago - he paused for a few seconds, stepping in completely in the room closing the door for privacy -  Something happened at prom night, something changed that night... I don't know what it is but... Just tell me what is happening to us...

Wanda, who was now sat at the edge of her bed looked at him with teary eyes. She knew this had to happen at some point.

- I'm just tired Vision, I'm exhausted... - she said with trembling voice and some tears already falling on her cheeks - I'm going through so many changes in my life right now, I had this huge fight with my best friend and now we're not even talking anymore... Now I'm here in New York and I'm not even happy about it, I don't like the way my life is going right now... I'm not sure if NYU is what I really want and I'm questioning every decision I've made since the moment I decided to leave my prom party to go with you and your parents for dinner...

Vision didn't know what to respond to that. When he walked to her dorm that night he wasn't expecting this outcome.

- You wanted to stay? - he asked cautiously.

Wanda nodded.

- Why didn't you say anything then? We could've done something...

- I just thought that if told you I would've dissapoint you and your family. You are my boyfriend Vision, sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the relationship... And at some point I felt like I needed to make you happy...

- But were you happy? In our relationship?

- In the beginning, yes, I was delighted with the idea of us, of you... You made me really happy Vision... But then we started having all this problems and I always felt like a was giving too much without getting anything back.

- And why did you never say anything? - he said exasperated.

Vision wasn't one of those boys who are bad boyfriends and are aware of it. He truly didn't saw any of this coming.

He listened to Wanda attentive, letting her express every single thing she had to say. And as the girl talked he realized how trash of a boyfriend he was. He was respectful and never treated her bad, but he took Wanda for granted, not being the same boyfriend she fell for at the beginning. He understood the girl's disappointment on him, and as much as he wanted there was no way to turn back time.

After forthy minutes of talking, he stood for up from his seat in her bed, hugged her one last time and started walking out of the room.

- I'm sorry I wasn't a better boyfriend, you deserve so much better, I'm sorry this didn't work out - those were his last words for her before closing the door.

Wanda remained in her place for some seconds before start crying. She called her brother, although she knew it was probably and odd time in Switzerland she didn't know what else to do or who else to call for comfort. Vision was her boyfriend after all, they had been together for almost three years and it was impossible for her not to feel a hole in her heart. That night she cried her heart out, and did not attend her classes the next day, too energy drained to take a step out of her room.

Eventually she got better. After three weeks she bounce back from the break up. Although she still had a lot of issues to deal with, she felt relieved. For some reason it felt like someone had taken away some of the weight on her shoulders. She felt lighter.

Los Angeles

You were doing a lot better. Two months after your last break down you were happier than in the earliest months of college.

You decided to focus your attention on anything else but Wanda. You started to study a lot harder, focusing more on your notes and classes, and also got yourself into a hobbie: tennis.

Kate was in the tennis team since the beginning of the year, and when you told her you were looking for extra curricular classes she suggested her club.

You used to occasionally visit her during her trainings, you already knew the coaches and the rest of the team, so you figured it wouldn't be so hard to fit in.

The coaches were happy to welcome you and a few days later after filling your proper application you were officially in. The only condition was to do some extra training for some weeks until you could keep up with the pace of some of the other new girls. You promised to train after hours until you were as good as them.

That's how you met Sharon Carter.

The first day you stayed after hours to train you noticed immediately a blond, beautiful girl who arrived at the practice court about ten minutes after the other girls left.

You didn't recognized her, she wasn't part of the team, or anyone you've seen before.

She was also surprised to see anyone staying later in the tennis court after the usual practice.

- Oh hey, hi - you said approaching to her with a kind smile.

- Hello, uhmm I'm Sharon, Sharon Carter...

- I'm Y/N, Y/N Y/LN, a pleasure... Are you new here?

She laughed a little, denying with her head.

- No, I don't study here, I'm coach Peggy's niece, she allows me to use the court sometimes after her team's practice.

- Ohh, well it's a pleasure... I'm new in the team and I need to practice more hours to keep up with the rest... So I guess you'll see me around here more often

She smiled kindly.

- That's great, it will be good to have some company.

You smiled kindly and nodded.

A month after your first encounter Sharon became one of closest friends. You two had so much in common, you liked the same kind of music and most of your favorite sitcoms were also her favorites, so naturally you spent a lot of time together, getting to know each other deeper.

She told you about her sabbatical year and how she was still thinking about what college she would go to.

Eventually you became a better tennis player, but even when the coaches told you there was no need for you keep staying after hours, you kept doing it to spend time with her. And she would visit your dorm on a daily bases after classes

When Peter, MJ and Kate got to know her they didn't hesitate to start to tease you, referring to Sharon from that moment on, as your girlfriend. You just smiled shyly denying whth your head. Of course, Sharon was beautiful, but you couldn't say you were something more than just good friends.

You wouldn't even thought of that possibility until some weeks later when she suddenly asked you out. It wasn't that explicit, but the invitation was kind of obvious.

- Do you want to do something tomorrow? Like go to see a movie or have dinner? - she asked you nervously one afternoon while you were doing homework at your dorm.

- Sure - you answered without thinking too much - Where do you wanna go?

She paused for a second and you looked at her intrigued.

- Sharon?

She looked back at you smiling shyly.

- Well, I was thinking on going to have dinner at a nice restaurant, you know I have a reservation and everything...

- Oh - you said surprised but smiling too - Like a date?

She nodded nervously.

- Yes... Like a date... Would you like to go in a date with me?

Long story short, that date was the first out of so many others that followed it right after. You had a great time with her, and the affection felt almost natural between you.

Sharon never mentioned and label for the two of you, she would only say you were dating. She probably didn't want to push you, and you were thankful for it.

But she did used to hold your hand, kiss you, take you out, wait for you after classes and open all the doors for you. And you of course, reciprocated every kind action to her. You two were basically a couple without the label.

The first vacation came sooner than you thought and you found yourself saying goodbye to Sharon with your luggage ready on your cab to take you to the airport.

- You know, you can visit me anytime - you said kissing her on the lips - If you need anything just call me okay?

She nodded and promised to visit you during your break, she would stay in Los Angeles for a while.

You knew it was a weird situation for you. Sharon was beautiful, kind, funny and you could definitely say you had feelings for her.

But deep down you knew Wanda was going to be back in town too, and you were well aware of the possibilities of you two finding each other at some places. It was impossible not to considering it was a three month break from college.

You felt you were doing a good job keeping her away from your mind. But you didn't know how it would affect your progress seeing her again. You weren't sure if she would speak to you, or if she would just pretend you didn't exist.

----------------

Being back at home was good. You had missed your parents more than you would admit, and you definitely missed your mom's meals, finally getting to eat homemade food for the first time in months.

Your first week back was calm. You stayed at home most of the time hanging wi your parents and called Shaeron every night before going to bed.

It was the very first day of your second week when everything took a turn. You were talking with your mom about college and your classes when she mentioned Wanda.

- She left college after her first three months, she's been home since then and looking for a new option.

You were surprised to hear the news. NYU was Wanda's dream since forever, and you couldn't understand why she would drop it.

- She didn't tell you? - your mom asked at your astonishment.

She never heard the story of why you and Wanda stopped talking. In fact, she didn't even know you two weren't friends anymore.

- No, we've been distant since prom, we had a fight and we just... We're not friends.

- Oh I'm sorry honey, but maybe you can talk it out with her and fix things up, you two have been best friends for so long... Don't let this ruin all those years of friendship...

You smiled sadly nodding your head, not wanting to keep discussing about it.

On wednesday you, Kate, MJ and Peter went to the theater to watch the new terror movie. They mentioned some of your old high school friends were tagging along but you never expected to see Wanda. Ever since she dated Vision she stopped going out with your group of friends.

But she was there. It felt like slow motion for you. You were already inside the the theater when she stepped in. She looked at you shyly while greeting all of your other friends, never breaking eye contact with you.

When she was in front of you she hugged you tightly.

- Hi Y/N

You reciprocated the affection dumbly.

- Hi Wanda

- How are you doing? - she asked.

- I'm good - you answered shortly, awkwardly smiling - How are you doing?... My mom told me about NYU... I'm sorry it didn't work out.

She sighed.

- Yeah well, I'm better now, I realized it wasn't what I needed or wanted and I just dropped it...

You nodded.

- I hope you find something soon, you're brilliant, any school will be lucky to have you.

She smiled.

-Thank you Y/N...

Peter said the movie was about to start and you two followed him inside.

Wanda sat two spots from you, Kate and MJ in the middle and Peter on your other side. Some of your other friends sat next to Peter.

The rest of the group probably didn't notice it, but there was a certain tension between you and Wanda through the whole movie.

She was nervous.

From the moment Kate told her you were gonna be there she imagined a thousand of different scenarios of how it would be like.

Just like you, she wasn't sure if you would speak to her. After your last message to her she didn't have any contact with you. Not even when she wanted to tell you about her situation with college.

She knew she hurt in the past, but she missed your friendship more than anything. Even though she had deeper feelings for you, she would be happy if you wanted to be her friend again.

You, on the other hand, were really confused about how you felt. You thought that you would feel anger the moment you saw her, but you just felt awkward around her. Even after she broke your heart in a thousand pieces you didn't feel mad. Maybe those months of healing really made progress in you.

When the movie finished everybody said goodbye and walked to their respective car. When you were about to leave you saw Wanda texting on her phone and walking to sit on a bench.

You wanted to just ignored her and go back home but you just couldn't. So, against any common sense you walked straight to her.

- Hey, are you going home now?

She looked at you a bit confused.

- Yeah, well I'm texting Pietro to see if he's on his way, he told me he would pick me up...

You nodded.

- Oh sure, I forgot Pietro was home too... How is he doing? - you asked.

- He's fine, he told me he's doing great at college and at the athlete team... Ohh and that he met a girl, I think her name is Monica... They've been dating for a while now..

You smiled.

- Wow, I would never imagined Pietro finally settling down... That's fantastic.

- I know, he's really happy.

There was a moment of silence interrupted by a ding on her phone.

- Dang it... - she said after reading the text.

- What's wrong?

- Pietro forgot to pick me up... He's leaving the house just now....

You looked at her texting. You knew you would probably regret your next comment but you couldn't just leave her there at a parking lot.

- Tell him not to worry, I'll take you home - you said.

She looked at you surprised.

- Really?

You smiled kindly.

- Yeah, just like the old times, let me drive you home Wanda.

She accepted and the two of you walked to your car.

You turned the music on and drove to her house. But even with the noise from the radio, it felt like there was a dead silence in the car.

After the first three minutes she finally got the courage to speak.

- So, are you doing well? How is it like living in Los Angeles?

- It's been great so far, college has been fun and I really like the city, it's amazing.

- That's great to hear Y/N, I'm really happy for you.

- Thanks.

Another moment of silence. You decided to be the one to speak this time.

- I know I said this before but I'm sorry about NYU, it must have been really difficult to take a decision like that...

Wanda sighed nodding.

- Yes, it was, but at the same time it was easy for me to understand that it wasn't something I liked, it just never felt right... The hardest part was telling my parents... That was scary.

- Yeah, I can imagine... But your parents love you, I bet they understood...

- Yes they did, although they asked me like a million times if I was sure... They even made me doubt sometimes...

You both laughed.

- Oh missed this - she said smiling.

Your laugh died and you swallowed nervously.

- What? - you asked.

She looked at you.

- Us. I miss you Y/N, so much... I miss our friendship.

You weren't expecting that answer. You didn't know what to say, although it was obvious you had miss those moments too. And it only made you feel guilty.

- Wanda... I'm sorry I ruined everything for us... I shouldn't have tell you anything that night...

You didn't look back at her, but she did look at you.

- Y/N, you didn't ruin anything... That night it was me the one that screwed up.

- No - you answered - You had a boyfriend and I was your best friend, I wasn't supposed to feel anything other than a friendship... And even if I did I should never tell you just because you were happy with Vision... I should've respected that.

Another silence.

- Can we please drive somewhere else to talk? - she asked.

-To talk? - you asked unsure of what it meant.

- Yes, I feel we need to sort this out, I really miss you Y/N... I wanna try to restore our old friendship... If you want it too, of course.

You thought about it before answering. After some seconds you changed the car direction.

- Yeah, let's talk.

You drove to a nearly park. It was getting kind of late and the place it was almost empty, just a few people walking by. Wanda found a bench for the two of you.

- I don't know what to say - you admitted nervously.

She looked at you.

- Well, first of all, I want you to know that you didn't ruin anything... I understand the reasons why you choose to cut contact with me, if anything I was the one to ruin our friendship, the way I reacted wasn't the best... I'm sorry for making you feel bad.

- Wanda...

- Let me finish - she interrupted you - I know you feel bad because you said you love me, but I want you to understand that I could have had a better reaction... Leave you alone in the hallway was the worst thing I've done.

- It's fine Wanda, you were respecting your relationship and Vision...

- I just wanted to say sorry Y/N, i wish I would had a better reaction.

You nodded.

- I appreciate your apology, but don't worry about it anymore ... I already forgive everything.

- You did? - she asked curious.

- Yes, I realized you were shocked with my confession... There was no way you would've react differently...

- Maybe it was... But there's no way to turn back time right? At least I finally got it out of my system, I wanted to apologize a long time ago.

You smiled kindly. The two of you stared at the sky in silence.

- Your text, the letter you sent me... I think I understood better after reading it... - Wanda said - Thanks for saying all of the nice stuff about me, you really are a goof friend...

- All I said was true Wanda, we've been best friends for so long I couldn't get myself to hate you.. I mean I probably felt like hating you back then, but that was probably more sadness than hate... But all the things I wrote were completely true.

She smiled and hugged you. The affection surprised you, but you just smiled and reciprocated the hug.

- So it's all good between us? - you asked - I want my best friend back.

- Yes! - she answered excited - Yes, everything is fine. 

You smiled at her.

- I'm glad.

She was bouncing her feet happily.

- Now tell everything about UCLA, how you've been doing there?

You told her everything about college, your classes, your friends, about your tennis games and everything than ran through your mind in that moment.

You mentioned Sharon briefly, not paying too much attention to the details of your relationship with her.

And the she dropped the bomb: she told you she broke up with Vision.

She explained to you her reasons to end up the relationship and you did nothing but listen.

And when she cried, telling you about her breakdown in college and the moment she decided to leave, you hold her. For a moment it truly felt like you went back in time.

You drove Wanda to her home, and she told you she would call you to make plans for the rest of the summer.

Pietro said hi from his window and you smiled at the sight of your friend.

On the way back home you smiled to yourself. You had a warm feeling on your chest and felt butterflies in your stomach.

Everything was perfect for some days. You and Wanda spent more time together, you even helped her send her application letter to different universities, including UCLA. She wasn't sure at first, but you talked wonders about the college and about how amazing it would be to have her at campus until she finally accepted. It was only a matter of time to hear back from the universities.

But the following week you noticed Peter and Kate get suspicious and secretive around you. At the beginning you thought it was a little bit odd, but then they started to laugh everytime you walked into a room.

It got to a point where the situation became unbearable.

- Okay what is happening? - you finally asked them one day before getting into the movies.

Kate looked at you nervously.

- What....What do you mean? Nothing is happening...

You looked at Peter.

- You will tell me what is happening Peter Parker... Everytime I walk into a room you two laugh and  you've been too secretive lately.

They looked at each other.

- Let's tell her Peter, she will have too know anyways - Kate said.

- Tell me what? - you asked confused - I'm not mad or anything I just want to know...

Peter sighed.

- We planned a surprise with Sharon... She's coming to visit in three days.

It ttok you a second to react, and when your brain finally understood what they just said you couldn't help but smile.

- Really? She's coming?

- Yes - Kate answered happily.

- Why didn't you tell me before? I could have help her... Does she have a flight yet? Or do you want me to...

Peter interrupted you, giggling at your excitement.

- Hey Y/N, don't worry, everything is fine and ready, she'll be here in three days, her flight lands on Saturday at noon...

You smiled again and thank them both for their help.

Wanda arrived later that afternoon. Neither of you mentioned Sharon through the whole movie, it was just when you were driving Wanda home when she noticed you were happier than other days. Peter and Kate were in the car with you too cause you asked them to go to house to arrange everything for Saturday.

- You look pretty happy today Y/N - she told you.

- Well, I feel really happy Wanda - you answered with a smile.

- Can I know why? - she asked happily too.

That's the moment it dawned to you. You never told Wanda about your relationship with Sharon. And as you were thinking of this realization, Peter was faster than you to answer to her.

- She's happy because her girlfriend is coming to visit her on Saturday - he explained.

- What?! Your girlfriend?! - she asked confused.

Wanda was shocked to say the least. You never mentioned a girlfriend on the days before, and the news hit her like a bucket of ice water. She didn't know how to feel about it.

You two were recently fixing your friendship. She didn't know if you were still having feelings for her cause she never asked you in order to not jeopardize what you had. But a girlfriend was a factor she didn't consider.

- Yes! Her name is Sharon, we've been planning this surprise for days - Kate explained.

That's when you interfiered.

- She's not my girlfriend - you said nervously looking through the mirror to see your friends - Sharon is my friend, I think I mentioned her before...

Wanda tried to remember and she slightly nodded. She remembered that name.

- So... she's not your girlfriend? - Wanda asked.

You looked at her unsure of what to say.

- Well... It's complicated, we've been dating for a few months now, but we haven't... You know... Make it official

She nodded again as she swallowed dry.

- Maybe it's time Y/N - Kate interrupted - You could ask her now that she's coming... We can help you!

Peter second Kate on the idea and they started rambling about it.

But you noticed a change in Wanda's behavior. She wasn't laughing anymore. Suddenly she got quiet.

You bumped her shoulder to caught her attention.

- Hey, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my relationship with Sharon, and it's not because I didn't want to... I just forget about it to be honest, and as I said, Sharon and I... We're not officially together yet, we're just... - before you could finish your sentence she interrupted.

- Hey Y/N, it's fine, don't freak out about it... It's just it took me by surprise, but I'm happy to see you happy...

She gave you a reassuring little smile.

- Thanks for understand Wanda... It's been difficult for me to open myself to this feelings... I think it's the first time I I say I'm dating Sharon out loud.

_ I get it, it can be complicated, but don't worry Y/N, if you and Sharon are comfortable with what you have, you don't need to rush it.

You smiled and her.

_ Thank you - you said.

It looked like the conversation about Sharon died right there, but the moment Wanda stepped in her house, she walked straight to her brother's room.

- I just don't know how to feel Pietro... I'm really confuse. I know it might sound selfish to say but I can't believe she didn't tell me before about this girl.... Everything would have been different

- What would've been different? - he asked

- Well, you know, the approach with her... You know I like her Pietro, since we were little, and now that i broke up with Vision... I thought she was single... You know what I mean.

Pietro analyzed her sister's expression.

- You were expecting to date her?

She sighed.

- Well, not straighly date her but... I was expecting some sort of awakening for us... The start of something more.

Pietro looked at her worried.

- Wanda, don't joke around this... You know she loved you, but now with this new information maybe it would be better if you move cautiously... I wouldn't want for you to get hurt.

Wanda buried her head in her hands desesperatly.

- I truly believed this would be our chance... We could be something more...

- You can daydream all you want Wanda, but the truth is, she has a girlfriend now and you have to accept it. And let me be honest with you, I don't think it was correct from you to go close to her with those ulterior motives, if you wanted to date her you should have told her before offer a friendship.

- No, I truly want  to fix up our friendship, it is the most important thing for me to save. I just thought it would be nice if something else happened...

Pietro sighed.

- Well, I wish you good luck sestra, when this Sharon girl arrives  you're gonna need to find the strength to see her fooling around with Y/N, and I can tell you, it's not gonna be nice...

Wanda barely slept that night. She imaged how would it be with Sharon around. And she thought that it was probably what you felt when she started dating Vision, you had to see her with another person, basically being replaced.

Ohh, only if she knew back then about your feelings. For sure everything would be different.

And she wasn't wrong.

From the moment you picked up Sharon at the airport you two became inseparable, although she was stying at Kate's house cause she basically lived in the Bishop's mansion, so there was more than enough room for her.

Wanda told you to enjoy the first days with her alone. She said you could show her the town and explore the place together, she would tag along later.

You thought it was a good idea. But you also noticed a changed in Wanda's behavior since Peter and Kate mentioned Sharon was your girlfriend. You didn't want to speculate around her feelings, but you couldn't help but ask if she was feeling left out, or replaced. You two were recently getting close again and you didn't want anything to jinx the progress.

But no, Wanda said she wanted to be your friend again. Nothing more.

Sharon was being a delight, as always. Being with her was easy, you never had to think too much about it. And that was probably what you liked more. But now, with her in town you felt tlike something was missing. Sharon made you happy, and she was a good company, but something felt odd at the thought of being more than just... that.

However, you took her to all the fun and interesting places around, telling her a little about the local stories. Peter and Kate sometimes would go with you, but they left you alone as much as possible, totally rooting for you two.

It was on her fifth day there when you planned to visit the amusement park with Sharon, Kate, Peter, Wanda and some other friends.

Wanda was a nervous wreck to say the least. She was wondering how this new dynamic would be. She knew you would spend more time with your girlfriend, she knew you would kiss her and hols her hand and make her laugh. So she prepared herself to control any sort of jealousy reaction she could have.

But the reality hit her as soon as you parked in front of her house to pick her up. She naturally walked to the copilot seat, only to find a blonde girl already sitting there.

- Hey Wanda, this is Sharon Carter, my friend from college. Sharon this Wanda, my best friend - you made the introductions, and the two girls smiled, saying how pleasure was to meet each other.

- I guess you're having a backseat today Maximoff - Kate said, opening the door for her.

- Yeah, I guess today I will be third-wheeling you and Peter back there - Wanda replied, laughing at the guy's reaction.

You laughed at the joke too. Luckily for her you didn't noticed that the  passive aggressive answer to Kate was because she felt uncomfortable with the situation.

The rest of the days didn't turn easier for her. You would spent most of your time with Sharon, making silly jokes and fooling around.

Wanda undoubtedly felt jealous. She couldn't help it. And she hated herself for making you feel the same way when she was with Vision.

At some point she just stopped showing up for your get-togethers. She knew she was being selfish, but seeing you with Sharon was driving her mad. Everytime she tried to spend time with you, Sharon had to be there.

But her breaking point reached her on Kate's birthday party. In the middle of the reunion, Sharon's parents called her and she walked up stairs to attend the call.

Wanda found you sitting alone in the sofa and she decided to go talk to you. She was finally having your attention all to herself, you were telling her some dumb joke about ballons, a little bit flushed because of the drinks you had that night, your hair alredy a mess after dancing... She thought you looked beautiful. She tucked a hair behind your ear and you smiled sweetly at her...

It was a very cute moment, just you two talking, so close from each other. Until a pair of arms suround you from behind, you looked up from your seat on the couch and smiled at Sharon.

- Hey! Did you finished the call with your parents? - you asked her.

- Yeah... They just wanted to know about my week but a cut the call soon to be back... Did i miss anything? - she asked, looking at Wanda and you.

- No, i was just telling some jokes, and Wanda was the lucky one to hear them - you said.

Sharon hugged you tighly and Wanda wanted nothing more but dissapear.

- Oh well, i hope Wanda doesn't mind but i need to steal you for a second... there is something i wanna tell you.

Wanda denied with her head.

- Oh no, it´s alright, i was about to leave anyways... Pietro is in his way to take me home so... I should be getting ready.

You said goodbye to Wanda and followed Sharon out to the garden. Wanda remained in place, looking at your hands intertwined with Sharon as you walked out. She left the house as soon as you were out of her sight.

Sharon Carter was a very intelligent girl. Her aunt Peggy taught her to be perceptive, to pay attention to the little details, so it was no surprise to know that she almost immediately noticed the tension between you and Wanda.

She wasn't aware of the full story, she only knew that you and Wanda had a fight before leaving for the university, but it was fixed almost immediately as soon as you had the opportunity to talk about it.

But she had a feeling that there was something more than just "friendship" problems. And that feeling sting her harder the moment she saw you and Wanda talking on the couch. She was too close to your face, and the smile you were giving to her... She needed to do something.

That is the reason why, that night, she asked you to be her girlfriend. You were a bit tipsy, and the euphoria of the moment made you say yes to her right away.

It was just the next morning, when you woke up a little hangover when you realized what had happened last night. You wanted to feel happy, but something just didn't feel right.

Sharon was a great a person, and you knew she would be an amazing girlfriend but now that you were official, something felt off to you.

Perhaps it was because it took you so long to be an actual couple. However, you couldn't just go and tell her you weren't sure about being her girlfriend. You felt some sort of responsibility towards her, like you needed to respond to her feelings. You couldn't just ask her to go back to just date again.

So you got use to the idea of being girlfriends. It couldn't be that bad. At the end, you liked her, she liked you. It could actually work.

Wanda found out about your, now official, relationship a few days later. She noticed how Sharon started to use pet names with you "Babe this... Babe that". She also started to be more affectioned towards you, increasing the PDA at a hundred percent.

She cried once you confirmed it to her. Not in front of you, of course, but at the safety of her room.

She knew she didn't have any right to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. She wish it was easier to let you go.

You still tried to make time for her though, not wanting to jeopardize your just restored friendship. But Sharon always wanted to tag along in your plans. One day Wanda just stopped going out with you, avoiding any uncomfortable moment between your girlfriend and her.

You noticed this change in her behaviour, and when you expressed this concerns with Sharon, she just brush it off saying: Well, perhaps it's for the best, that way we can make more plans for the both of us.

You were confused at her answer, but you just let it go. You'll make plans with Wanda later to talk to her alone. Sharon, in the other hand, made her goal to keep you as away from Wanda as possible.

In the latest days of summer your friends planned a weekend getaway to go camping. Wanda didn't want to go, but everyone told her it would be fun. She turned down every invitation until you were the one to ask her to go. When you knocked on her door that night she didn't find the strength to say no to you. It would be just one night though.

So, there she was, walking next to Kate and Peter looking for a good place to establish the camp. You were walking some steps ahead of them with Sharon by your side, and Wanda was already regretting going.

You had planned spend time with her during the camp. That's why, the moment you found the right place, you asked Wanda to help you set up the tents, meanwhile, Kate asked Sharon to help her take out from the cars all the food they brought.

Sharon walked away, not without giving you a last glance. All she saw was Wanda smiling at you while you read the instructions for the tent.

At night, Sharon asked to talk to you in private. You had spend all the day bounding with Wanda, laughing and making jokes, and you could tell Sharon wasn't happy at all.

- I just don't understand why are you so determined on spending time with her... I'm your gilfriend and i'm here, you should be spending more time with me - she said.

- Sharon, i'm sorry if you felt left out, but Wanda is my best friend... we've been distant lately and i wanted to spend more time with her before the summer ends.. you and me, we alredy spent a lot of time together...

She sighed.

- I know baby, but she needs to understand you have a girlfriend now, that she is not your main priority anymore... Now, please, let's just go to eat some smores and have a fun night.

You just nodded and she kissed you.

You were mad at her. For some reason. Deep down in you, a tiny voice was trying to scream. And that voice was saying that Wanda would always be your main priority.

Later at night, when you found yourself unable to sleep, you sneaked out of the tent you shared with Sharon. You were surprise to find Wanda sitting next to the campfire.

- Hey... Can't sleep? - you asked to caught her attention.

She turned to look at you.

- Yeah, something like that... Kate snores - she said smiling.

- Ohh really? - you laughed - That's quite funny... So you can't sleep because of her snores?

She nodded.

- Yep, i'm kind of a light sleeper, any sound can keep me awake all night.

- Well, then i'll be glad to stay awake all night with you - you said taking a seat next to her.

- Are you sure you want to do that? - she asked- I kind of noticed that Sharon...

You interrumpted her.

- I know, but i don't care. Wanda you're my best friend, if i wanna spend time with you i will spend time with you... I'll deal with Sharon later.

Wanda felt nostalgic at your words.

- What's wrong? - you asked.

She looked at you.

- It's just that... your a better friend than i am. You have a girlfriend and still try to make time for me... i never did that back when i was with Vision.

You smiled at her words.

- Wanda... we are kind of adults now, if i kept acting like when i was in high school i would have a problem. I'm more mature now, i guess i can have a girlfriend and a best friend. You were younger and he was your first boyfriend, i now understand why you acted like that.

- This is what i'm talking about, you're a better person than me Y/N, i don't deserve you.

- Hey don't say that. You are one of the best persons i know Wanda, you can't keep punishing yourself for things you did when you were 16. Like i said the other day at the park, i forgive you, i did it a long time ago.

She looked at the sky.

- I just wish things were different. If only i could turn back time... - she said desperate.

- Wanda please stop, let's just enjoy this moment, okay?

You offered her a hug that she replied immediately. Then you just chill under the stars.

- I got into UCLA - she said out of nowhere after some minutes.

- What? - you asked excited - Are you serious?

She nodded her head smiling.

- Yes, the letter came in this morning... I got in.

- Wanda that is amazing... we will be together in college, like we always dreamed about!

You kept celebrating her for some more minutes and then you just went on talking about the campus and the city.

Wanda watched you in awe, how your eyes sparkled when you talked, the way you smiled and expressed. And she fell deeper for you. When she heard you talk about your future plans with her she couldn't help but daydream about a life by your side.

She daydreamed about living with you, being your girlfriend, marrying you, having kids with you... God, she wanted you bad.

That's why, immersed in the euphoria of the moment, the next words came out of her mouth.

- I love you so much...

And your whole world stopped right there. You stopped your explanation of why your dorm hall was the best in the campus to look at her straight in the eyes.

- What?

Wanda knew there was no turning back. She said it, and she decided to stand to her words.

- I love you so much Y/N, you really don't have and idea of how much. I love your eyes, your voice, your personality; i love your stupid jokes about life... I love how you talk, how you move, how you walk. I love how you treat me, how you protect me. I love how, despite everything i've done, you're still by my side... I think i just love everything about you.

You hear her speak and your heart beat at hundred times per second. The words you always wanted to hear, she was finally saying them.

- Wanda, what are you talking about? - you asked, still in disbelief.

The girl's heart was about to explode. But she needed to keep talking, she couldn't stopped just then.

- Y/N I don't expect you to reciprocate my feelings, not after everything I put you through... But i just need to come clean, can i be honest with you?

You nodded dumbly. You had so many questions, but you knew nothing would come out of your mouth. So you let her talk.

- Y/n i drop out off college because of you, and before you blame yourself, it was mostly because i missed you... You and i had a dream, going to NYU together was our thing, and it shouldn't have been with Vision... I guess, not only the college thing but everyhting, it was never Vision. It was you all along. You were my first love Y/N, i shouldn't have give up on you... on us. Yes, our friendship is the most important thing for me, but if we could be something more... Ughh, now things are just weird between us, and that sucks... and i miss you - she knew she was rambling, but she needed to get everything out - and now you're with someone else, and that's fine but, i just wish it was me... Because even when i made mistakes, it was always you.

When she finished talking you were loss for words. Your heart, your mind, nothing was working correctly. It was like the whole world faded because Wanda told you she loved you.

That's all your mind registered: she loved you.

- Wanda... i don't know what to say to be honest - you said.

She was a mess, her heart was beating like crazy, she was all flustered because of the nerves and her whole body was shaking. She wanted to hear your answer, but she was also afraid of what she might hear.

- I wish things were different too... - you said looking at her - You know, i'm really confuse right now. Sharon... she's someone special to me, i wouldn't want to hurt her, i guess now i understand what you felt about Vision. But, i want to be honest with you too... I don't want to lose you again, you're even more special to me... I want you to be in my life forever. It truly seems like timing never work for us, right? - you joked, making her smile a little - We can be friends Wanda, i'm really excited to be in college with you, if you want that too... I just don't want to lose you.

She started to cry.

- Oh Y/N, i would love to be in your life forever, even if you're not with me, i don't want to lose you either... Thanks for giving me a second chance.

You hugged her even tighter than before, now crying as well. You two stood there for some minutes, melting in each other's embrace. When you broke the hug you noticed it was almost 2 am, so you decided to go back to your tent, wishing her good luck with Kate's snores.

You didn't have much sleep that night though. Your mind kept you up all night.

Wanda told you she love you. She confessed her feelings for you and now it was up to you to take the chance. You looked to your side and found Sharon sleeping soundly. You knew it was unfair for her that you felt that way, but you couldn't deny your feelings: deep down you knew it was Wanda, cause it had always been Wanda.

The next morning you and your friends left the camp and went back home. Sharon noticed you were a little bit quite, but when she asked you about it you just said it was because you hadn't sleep well. Wich wasn't completely a lie.

You spent two days more with her before she flied back to Los Angeles. She was excited cause she got her acceptance letter from Princeton. You were happy for her too, but the situation made you wonder about your future with her. She wouldn't be around UCLA anymore, and that would change your whole dynamic.

She told you not to worry, kissed you one last time and went back home.

In the remaining days you prepared your luggage to return to the university.

Wanda was in some sort of trance. After you told her to be just friends she felt happy cause you would still be in her life, but she also was sad because it wasn't in the way she wanted.

When she told everything to Pietro he told her it was brave to come clean with you, but he was also worried for her sister's feelings.

- I know Y/N well enough to know she won't hurt you, but i'm worried you two are making a mistake. This whole thing of "let's just be friends" can be risky for the both of you.

She just replied:

- We're still friends and that's all that matters, we'll live our college dream together and everything will be fine.

You flied back to Los Angeles, now with Wanda and her parents.

Pietro flied back to Switzerland.

And Sharon flied to New Jersey.

The first weeks of the course went normal. Wanda loved the campus and was thrilling because you were there with her. You showed to her all of your favorite spots and you two settle a schedule to spend time together, mostly studying.

Wanda immediately felt the change from NYU. She was genuinely excited for her classes, she genuinely loved the school, she didn't have to pretend cause she felt happier.

You were happier with her there too. Although something was still feeling out of place.

You thought it was because Sharon wasn't there anymore. You used to call her every night to tell her about your day. She told you all about her campus and her program. You listened to her attentive, but she knew something was off. She could feel it too.

But both of you were too afraid to mention it.

The days passed, and everything felt like a roller coaster for you: in the day everything was exciting and brilliant because you spent it with Wanda. But at night, when you talked to Sharon over the phone, everything felt wrong. Every night you went to sleep with a pit in your stomach wondering why you couldn't be happy with Sharon, but why you felt so complete with Wanda.

Sharon Carter was a very intelligent girl. From the moment you told her Wanda was going to be with you at UCLA she knew you two were doomed. She didn't have to know your complete history with Wanda to know she was someone special for you. Someone who she couldn't compete with, cause she'll always lose to Wanda if it was up to you.

But as intelligent and perceptive as she was, she was firstly, a girl in love. So, leaving behind any insecurity, she was hoping you would chose her. That's why she tried to make things work for the two of you, for as long as she could. A month was enough to completely wear out your relationship.

As intense as her love was, she knew she couldn't alter the course of fate. She recognized that you had alredy found your way with another person, and Sharon understood that she had to let you go, accepting that this time, she couldn't change the destiny of your love.

Sharon called you, like every night. But this time there wasn't any softness in her voice. You knew, from the moment she said you needed to talk, what was the night was heading to.

The conversation was long, tired, and full of regretness. She regretted meeting you. You regretted taking it too far. Both of you regretted making each other so unhappy.

Needless to say, it wasn't an amicable breakup. She cried and you didn't stop asking for forgiveness until she said goodbye and hang up the phone.

You spent your night alone. You cried, but when the sadness left your body completely, you felt lighter. As if the crying had washed away the guilt and the weight from your soul.

The next day you told Wanda about your break up with Sharon. She asked you if you were okay and you mindelessly said yes.

- C'mon Y/N, you know you can be vulnerable with me, there's no need to put on a brave face.

You insisted that everything was fine, and after a few more attempts, she dropped the subject to avoid making you uncomfortable.

She was surprised to hear the news. Sharon seemed like a nice girl, and even when she knew she wasn't veey comfortable with your frienship, she wanted for you to be happy.

She tried to avoid having any inappropriate thoughts, but she couldn't stop herself to wonder about you and her. She knew you had just come out of a relationship, everything was still too fresh, but deep down, a flicker of hope had ignited in her.

You on the other hand was confused with yourself. You wanted to feel bad, to be sad, to grieve your relationship with Sharon. You felt like a complete idiot for not feeling bad. God, your girlfriend had broken up with you, and it had mostly been your fault, but you couldn't feel sad. After crying that first night when you broke up, you never cried again. Now what you felt was guilt for feeling nothing.

Some days later Wanda asked Pietro to call you. She was worried about you cause she thought you were keeping all your pain to yourself. So she decided to call in the big guns.

When you saw Pietro's name on the phone you were excited but a little confused. He made small talk for a while and told you about Switzerland and his girlfriend. When he finally dropped the bomb on why he called you, you couldn't say you were surprised.

- She's just worried about you Y/N.

You sighed.

- I know, but there's no need to be worried, i'm fine.

- Y/N, i'm on the other side of the world and i can tell you're not fine, i can hear ir in your voice. Wanda thinks you're keeping it all to yourself and she just wants you to have someone to talk.

You knew there was no use in trying to denied anymore. Pietro was a close friend. You grew up together as well. He was like a brother to you. That's why you decided to finally speak to him.

- It's just that... I have nothing to talk about Pietro.

You told him all your concerns about your break up with Sharon and you vent with him.

He listened to you carefully, not saying anything at first.

- Why do I feel like crap? - you asked when you finished - I really wanted this relationship to work, i felt something for Sharon, without a doubt. But when things fell apart i felt almost relived that it was over... I'm such a jerk.

- No, you're not, everyone has a way to cope, and just because you're not miserable and sulking doesn't mean you're bad, please don't torture yourself over it. You truly believed you wanted to be with her, you gave your best effort in that relatioship but you can't force yourself to love someone. Sharon was special, but maybe you tried too hard to love her. But why?

You felt your heart racing at his question. You knew damn well why.

- I think i was afraid of what could happen if i wasn't with Sharon.

- So you used her... and don't get me wrong, it can be really fun as a distraction, but when it's over, you think about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart. Maybe that's why you feel nothing but freedom. Now you can make your own decisions Y/N.

You ended the call a minutes later.

For some days you thought about what Pietro said. You were experiencing so many emotions that you asked Wanda to suspend you study sessions together for a few days.

Wanda thought you were taking time apart from her because of your break up. Maybe you wanted time for yourself without her.

It sucked for her cause she believed you were best friends again. But even if you weren't her best friend, she knew you would always be friends.

It was almost ironic. You two never got the timing right. She shot you down and then you did the same to her and now...

She needed to focus her attention on something else.

She sent you a text letting you know she would be at the volleyball tryouts, so if you needed anything you'll knew where to find her.

You texted her back a thumb up emoji and a happy face, wishing her good luck.

You were alone in your room when suddenly Pietro's words rang in your head: Now you can make your own decisions Y/N.

A power took over your body and you walked out of the dorm hall to go to the volleyball court. You were nervious, but you had something to do.

Wanda was talking to the volleyball coach in her office, answering some medical questions fro the formal papers, when you suddenly opened the door.

- Y/N, what are you doing here? - she asked confused.

- Hey, emm i'm sorry coach, i just have to say something...- the coach nodded at you and you looked back at Wanda - Um, are you free for dinner tonight?

- Yes - Wanda said shocked.

- All right, then it's a date... - you said smiling and closing the door to leave.

Wanda smiled like never before. She felt on cloud 9. Her face was all red and her body shaking in excitement. She looked at the coach, rememebering where she was.

- I'm sorry, what was the question? - she asked nervously.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @justyourwritter69 @dark-hunter16 @the-mute1 @julirey06 @dupleshcpi @wizardofstories @katherinelesso @targaryenwomenshoe @snowdrop1026 @lissaaaa145 @shortyyy193 @randomnessbecausewhynot @simone8210 @newawakening9 @chasethemoon @natashamaximoff69 @justgotlizzied @cd-4848 @bluedragonlove @agentqwake @esposadejoyhuerta @nikkinss

[mhaynoot]

so i went into orv with full shades on, didn’t even read the blurb or anything, I just saw the cover art, the bridge scene and some high school au art and was oh they’re so cute! tbh i literally saw images of the bridge scene so i don’t know how i completely missed the fact that there was a webtoon but i did and so i downloaded the epub version first and started reading with 0 expectations except maybe a shounen rivalry

ahh this is a power fantasy, first person, game cliches and all the action tropes of dungeons. i think this is similar to the other thing I was reading (solo levelling) oh huh so he’s a lazy office worker guy who only reads and is about to be laid off? not the worst backstory, i wonder what op power he’s going to get!

i was very very unquestioning of the story, i didn’t really think about much beyond trying to puzzle out surface level power stuff. like i was just fully trusting everything kdj's said in his internal narration. the protagonist is always right, yeah? he’s the omniscient reader’s viewpoint after all. just look at him explaining his acts of good with ulterior motives, look at him being cut throat and saying he's a villian.

"what a self aware protagonist!" i say obliviously.

hyprocrite he calls himself and i cheer.

orv plays into the genre tropes and cliches so well, i was completely blindsided by the gradual build up to all the revelations i just never expect for it to ever answer.

so in the beginning i’m casually rooting for him on as he beats up and outwits his abusive boss, his old bully, as every adversery bows before him in a very power fantasy way. his first death is a brush off, it is inconsiquential, he brushes it off, i say “ah this type of protagonist!”

actually lets talk about his first death for a bit. like kdj literally dies, but his own narration treats it as an inconsequential, small death. ignore it. don’t worry about it, look kdj isn’t worrying about it either! his fourth wall skill is negating the effects that’s why he’s so blase about it and that’s not totally concerning at all, don’t think too hard about it. this is just a power fantasy remember?

until the gaps between his actions and words started appearing even in my very guillable eyes.

I ask, “why do you want to save shin yoosung so much? wasn’t it just hypocrisy?”

kdj narrates:

The omniscience was a curse. Knowing someone's heart meant always deceiving someone.

my worldview starts shattering bit by bit and then the characters around him mourn each death and i startling start mourning too, grieving in a way i wasn’t able to understand for each death and each time he starts this painful cycle of violence and survival and salvation.

it takes a whole month to finish reading the novel. i laughed, cheered, smiled and cried so hard at so many different points reading. orv has become a part of me in a way i never expected.

i love this story.

[noctvrnal9999]

Got a private message asking me to comment on the whole Neil stream thing so I guess here goes. Excuse my thoughts, they are never coherent.

What I liked about the stream is not what Neil said, but what he didn't say. I'm not big on watching streams, his or anyone's, but I watched some and I noticed Neil is very very careful when discussing Astarion. If anyone is aware how deranged the fandom can get - it's definitely him. I saw him dance around the topic multiple times either in streams or in clips I've seen all over the internet. I highly respect him for that because unlike someone (cough cough) he's not telling people what to think or what narrative they should take for any reason. A true professional unlike someone (cough cough).

So while he addressed operatic vs theatrical and there's no arguing that he delivered it wonderfully, what we really have is Larian saying "yeah, AA is still same Astarion, just with his most awful traits amplified" and then we have Neil saying "oh yeah, the mask is off". And that's... extremely important. I said this in tags before - what Neil doesn't say, to me, is important as well. He doesn't tell that Spawn is maskless just as AA, he just... skips over it, emphasizing that AA is the complete mask-off version of Astarion. I'm not going to cling to this because this is just something I immediately noticed and might not have been intentional on Neil's part, but... I don't know, I personally think it was done for a reason.

Anyway.

But this is what I've been saying too. Astarion is a bad person from the very beginning. I got people insult me over this take, I got told I'm a horrible garbage person for this take. But I stand by it. And even without personal interpretation you have proof of that within the game. You have a very good-aligned character (Karlach) and Astarion is at the opposite end of that spectrum. Every other companion (sans Minthara) fall somewhere between the two.

What Ascension allows Astarion is not only to live his life fear-free - it allows him to be himself. As Spawn he's constantly acting. To either get protection or simply not to turn into a mind-flayer. And Tav can take the route of trying to convince him to be better and he starts aligning his views to Tav along the road but he's still the same person. Just going to say this - nobody changes this drastically in just couple of months without pretending (which is presumed timeline for entire BG3). And people don't immediately get all better from major mental trauma in 6 months only (just sayin').

Point I'm trying to get at is this - to me Neil confirmed what I have been saying all along - Spawn is coping and still lying. Because he has no choice but to adapt. Maybe he's not lashing out or yelling, but seeing the epilogue he came off to me as grieving for things he will never have.

And then we have Ascended - a fully unleashed Astarion, who's confident and not apologetic for being himself.

That is true Astarion.

Astarion who isn't guilt-tripped or chastised into needing to change, Astarion who does not need to listen to people telling him how he's awful, Astarion who can do as he pleases without needing to explain himself to either his master or houlier-than-thou Tav.

Astarion who he was always meant to be.

Because he's a vampire. There's a reason why vampires in every single media piece are portrayed as evil. As a Spawn he's evil, as a Vampire Lord he's just doing what vampires do best - gain power and exploit that power for his own benefit. He's not just some cute boytoy with fangs, he's a vampire and he will never not be a vampire in BG3 (you can headcanon whatever you want in what happens after but that's not relevant here).

Ascended Astarion is true Astarion not because it's one of the routes we can take and headcanon that way, but because he's a vampire, and as Vampire Lord he's his own man at last, not needing to rely on anyone or to be defended by anyone. He has power now, to be whoever he wants and be true to himself while he does it. Without the fear of judgement, without the fear of being discarded if he's "too much" or not "good enough".

And with Tav at his side - he has everything he ever wanted: vampiric power that has never been witnessed before and a beloved who vowed themselves to be by his side forever, giving him ultimate assurance that there's someone there for him and will be there for eternity.

[morningstarbee]

as much as i love hannibal, i will always be a will defender

I've seen some discourse among fannibals about who was in the wrong during Mizumono. I've actually seen several takes calling Will heartless and a monster for betraying Hannibal/hurting his feelings.

And I just need to write my thoughts down on this because I've always been a big proponent of

"Hannibal is a hypocrite who can dish it out but can't take it."

What do I mean by that? Let's make it very clear what happens in between them throughout the show.

(Spoilers ahead. Obviously.)

Let's start with Season 1

Will is a lonely person who has never felt truly understood by anyone

Hannibal befriends Will, accepting his darkness and the other unpleasant parts of his personality that drove other people away and made him feel wanted.

Hannibal gets Will to rely on him, to trust him and his opinion above any other person in his life.

Hannibal becomes aware of a serious illness that not only affects Will's ability to perceive reality, but could potentially kill him. He not only fails to inform Will or a medical professional about this, but actively makes it worse.

He frames Will for his own murders and when Will realizes something is going wrong and comes to him about it, urges him to turn himself in.

Will goes to prison and loses his credibility, his reputation. All his friends and colleauges no longer trust him. For many, all the secretly held beliefs they had about him are "confirmed" and all the perceptions about himself he had spent his life avoiding are now the common opinon.

Good? Okay now let's see what happens in Season 2.

Will makes a (failed) attempt to kill Hannibal through a proxy.

Hannibal claims his kills as the Ripper and Will is released from prison.

Will hatches a plot with Jack to make Hannibal believe that Will is on his side so that they can get him arrested.

Will makes Hannibal feel accepted and seen, in a way he had believed no one was capable of.

He plans to betray Hannibal at the final dinner with Jack and arrest him when he begins the plan to kill Jack.

Does that sound familiar? Person A befriends Person B, makes them feel accepted, and then betrays them and gets them thrown in jail. Person B's revenge is to befriend Person A and make them feel accepted only to turn and and betray them to get them thrown in jail.

It's a pretty fair revenge right? The only way it could have been more even was if Will somehow gave Hannibal brain cancer or something. (Though you could argue that the attempted murder makes up for it.)

Except, no, because Will doesn't go through with it.

He changes his mind and decides not to do the betraying part. He makes a very real attempt to accept Hannibal's offer and run away with him. And yet, in Hannibal's eyes, he accepted too late. And we all know what happened in Mizumono. A complete bloodbath.

That's the equivalent of someone punching you, and when you punch them back, they gut you in their fucking kitchen.

I also want to point out something specific in Mizumono.

Hannibal slices through Will's abdomen and says the words "I forgive you. Can you forgive me?"

REMEMBER THAT.

Now what happens in Season 3?

Hannibal leaves for Italy with Bedelia and is living in Florence with her.

It takes 8 months for Will to fully recover, not only from his physical wounds, but from the emotional ones. Hannibal leaving him behind. Grieving Abigail for the second time.

Will mentions, two separate times in this season, how he wanted to run away with Hannibal. When Jack asks why he warned Hannibal he says "Because he was my friend...and because I wanted to run away with him." Later, in Italy, when Jack asks if he will disappear with Hannibal when they find him, Will replies "Part of me will always want to."

Also, people never mention this, but everyone who survived the bloodbath knew Will had betrayed them. After Will took the risk to betray everyone to try and follow Hannibal, Hannibal left him behind with the people he betrayed for him.

Will travels to places where Hannibal has been to try and figure him out. Why that happened. What went so wrong. He visits the chapel in Palermo, the entrance to Hannibal's mind palace. He visits his childhood home and leaves flowers on Mischa's grave and a tableau of the man who killed her. He takes a tour that ends with him in Florence, where Hannibal "became a man", and finds him there.

They have, by all accounts, a pleasant conversation. They leave the Uffizi Gallery together and Will pulls a knife from his pocket. Chiyoh shoots him before we ever see how that plays out. And afterwards, Hannibal has him so drugged he can barely string a sentence together to explain himself. Then Hannibal attempts to murder him. Like saw open his skull and eat his brain.

Now this is purely speculation, but I have always had a pretty clear idea of what Will was attempting here, although he had arguably bad timing.

Earlier in the season, when Will was following Hannibal through the catacombs, he calls out "I forgive you." Which is a call back to when Hannibal forgave him in Mizumono.

Now how did Hannibal forgive him? He stabbed him, sliced him open with a knife, enough to hurt, really hurt, but not enough to kill him. He left him with a scar. A physical reflection of the emotional pain he caused Hannibal.

I will argue until the day I die that Will was attempting to reciprocate that idea here.

Hannibal reacts like Will was attempting to kill him. That getting that close and having that conversation about how intertwined they were was another ruse. I think in part it was an emotional reaction, though Hannibal would deny it. I mean, fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice, shame on me, right?

Of course, Hannibal doesn't get a chance to kill him because they are interrupted by the mercenaries Mason hired kidnapping them and taking them back to the States.

This is another big thing, because Mason wasn't after Will at all, not really. He was simply a bonus to Mason, and since he had them both, he decided to use Will, by cutting off his face and using it like a mask. Will is constantly catching strays for being associated with Hannibal.

They get out of this situation, narrowly, due to Alana's intervention and Hannibal rescues Will and takes them both back to Wolftrap.

When Will wakes up, Hannibal is acting like they're all hunky dory, like he didn't just make an attempt on Will's life.

Will tells him to fuck off. "I’m not gonna miss you. I’m not gonna find you. I’m not going to look for you. I don’t want to know where you are or what you do. I don’t want to think about you anymore."

AND THIS IS SO VALID !!

Will has made so many attempts to meet Hannibal at his level. Every single attempt at reciprocity between them has ended in Hannibal lashing out. Despite all of Hannibal's claims of wanting an equal, he never lets Will commit acts of betrayal and violence on the same level as him. If I was Will, I would also be done with him. It's so exhausting putting so much energy into someone only to constantly get it thrown back in your face like that.

(Also why I believe, in the show canon, their relationship doesn't work until Hannibal gets humbled by three years in prison.)

This is why you may hear me say things like "Hannibal has the emotional intelligence of a toddler" or calling him a hypocrite and stuff like that. Again, I LOVE Hannibal, he's one of my favorite fictional characters, period. But sir, you're so dumb. How can someone so clever be so stupid?

[callmehopeless]

Prompt

Idea: "True Love's Kiss Motif". In which a prince is cursed to live an immortal life. He enjoys life at first but grows bored easily. Begins his search to find true love's kiss by courting various women throughout his life. Playboy phase (multiple women)?

Grows old and has never found true love. And he tries to off himself more than once to many failures.

But one day, he somehow awakens right before he's brought back to life at the crossroads between worlds. He meets Death. He decides then and there that the only way to truly die is to obtain a kiss from Death. But while he courts Death and shows him/her/them how to live-- he finds himself falling for him/her/them.

(Can be any characters or pairings? Go wild with funny antics, angsty, Happy Ending or Bittersweet… I love everything you write <3)

Moo loaded a shotgun and pointed it right at my chest.

BETWEEN SPACES

Ominis Gaunt x Male!OC (very nonspecific)

Word Count: 1500ish

This is just incredibly painful angst with very small comfort, PLEASE ENJOY!

Ominis Gaunt met him, in the shadow and the night.

Long after life should have left him - after his bones ought to have been dust, and the world had turned without him. Long after his friends had passed into nothing, and on, and on: onward, until the world had changed irreparably.

Anne had gone first. Lovable, gentle Anne. Anne, who had survived so much: who had courted death and run from him. Anne had gone in quiet slip - somewhere in the middle of her life. Ominis had grieved her, so sudden and quick - and asked death to take him, too.

Death had not.

And so Ominis Gaunt had sought. Bony hands, pale fingers; undressing women with the talents of a gentleman. The efforts of a man of his station: the Prince of Slytherin, and the heir to all of its curses and wants. He had fallen into desperation, almost: feverish, to find meaning and purpose and something to explain it all.

Once, a handful of years ago - a boy had whispered something in his ear.

“Don’t you grow tired of all of this?”

 They had been sixteen, then, and he had not known kisses or love. He had known of stories, and music, and had liked to imagine them as things that were real, and proper, and meaningful as anything.

He could fall in love. He could.

His face had been a mysterious thing - only felt a handful of times, and only in the throes of the moment. He had been alive, in the creases of those cheekbones. When the pad of his thumb had run over those lips.

And then - that boy had vanished, too. And he had forgotten entirely that life could be vast, and music could be good. Stories could have meanings, and not simply morals.

But that was long ago. And the days turned to months, and the months into years.

Sebastian was next. His brother, and his life. War. Muggles have always liked war, and Sebastian had always been fit to raise one. When he received the letter, and his wand traced the paper of it: he had not cried. Not properly.

He had drank, and drank, and tried to forget. He had lain in the grass and tried to picture the colours of the sky. He had wondered what he should feel - whether someone who had lived half as long would feel twice as much. Whether the curse that had been laid at his feet meant, in the end: he would slowly feel himself seeping through the cracks of the pavement, worn away by the bombs dropped from afar.

The Great War came, and ended. Another. Another.

He had fucked his way through it. Women - always women. Always the curves of them against him: and never too much of anything else. Anything else would hurt, too much, too quickly: too many things lost along the way. And he had kissed, and fucked, and touched, and lit matches under himself that burned out. The fifties had come, and he had looked much the same. Not that he had known that, of course - but he had kept himself well, and groomed.

Smoked? He had smoked most in the sixties. He had wondered if it was yellowing his teeth, or making him smell acrid - but he stopped caring by the seventies, and he yearned for the old smoking bars. The comfort of the continual rise of it. The coughs, and the jackets. Christ, but he missed the dinner jackets.

The time passed in a haze. Everyone was gone, by then, and he was frozen. A piece of time, long antiquated. Most of his days spent in vague states of removal from reality. He missed Anne for most of it, and Sebastian for half of it (though that half, he thinks, was an agonising half). He found he missed the gargoyles in the classes, and Professor Binns’ innocuous droning. He missed everything.

Wizarding War. He had a brief, painful realisation of the truth of it. His own flesh and blood. That inclination would have inspired something in him, if his life hadn’t been so bloody long.

But then it was done. And then the eighties. And then the nineties, and he only briefly measured that a boy came to stop what would try to pass.

The millennium came over the Thames, and Ominis Gaunt would sit and listen to the cars, and the water, and the traffic as it moved over Tower Bridge. His heart would barely oscillate - he would go home, some nights, and lay on his bed.

Once, a handful of years ago - a boy had whispered something in his ear. He forgot. He forgets the words.

It is a night in November, and the first frost is skating over London.

He has always preferred the cold. Ominis thinks, like him: it touches everything, and then melts away. Leaves it no better nor worse for the privilege. Entirely the same as it has always been, and that is quite alright. His felt coat wrapped tight, and he walks to the bridge. Breath clouding in the air.

His wand is barely needed, now. But he holds it in his sleeve, as he has for a hundred years. A presence, on the bridge: a man. Tall, and imposing. The rest left to the air and the sky.

“How many years has it been?”

The man asks him, and the voice is strange. The elocution is beautiful; sharp, and from another time entirely. The moment Ominis hears it, something within him balks. Hairs stand on end. The planet, in its wisdom, feels as though it slows.

“I’m sorry–?”

He has missed feeling confused. The world has become full of certainties.

Snow falls, soft and cool. Kisses on skin. The touch of cold fingers.

“You have run for so long. Don’t you grow tired of all of this?”

Oh.

Tired. Dear God, but he is tired.

He used to sleep in the Transfiguration Courtyard. His head on a thigh, and his heart in his throat. Someone was there; someone warm, and loving. Someone who kissed him, quietly. A boy who loved him before he could love himself - and perhaps long after he stopped.

A step forward. Another. A third, and he reaches out with his hand.

A robe meets his fingers, and he tugs on it. Soft, smooth; draped. He has not aged much since he was sixteen, and neither has Ominis Gaunt. Somewhere, in the madness - a curse had fallen on him, and all things had stopped.

Everything has its time.

“Where did you go? I–”

Ominis’ voice cracks. Something in him wrenches. His eyes burn, and it is the first time in so long that it feels like lead.

“--it wasn’t a mercy. It wasn’t. I would’ve gone with you years ago. I loved you–I’ve loved you all my life.”

Through loving Anne, and Sebastian, and Noctua. And the wars, and the moments between them: there has been blood, and sex, and pain, and knowledge, and a sadness that goes on and on.

Death is cold. Death is so terribly cold.

He would have loved Death all his life, if he could have.

He has always loved the cold.

Death reaches out to him, and the hands are not so cold as he remembers. Not really. They feel like Anne, in her soft whispers at the end. Like Sebastian: the steadfast drive of him. The way he would never depart from what he needed. Death came for them both, and loved them just as much.

“I’ve loved you all these years,” Death tells him, with a gentle movement of his voice. The snow is softer, then, and Death reaches out with both hands.

Ominis does not take them.

Instead, he leans forward. His own fingers - cold and dry as they are, and full of youth - reach up, and they touch the boy’s face.

Hard lines, and soft skin. He isn’t cold; he is warm, and kind, and good. Death did not snatch - Death carried. Death held, and Death let everything be where it ought. In its time, in its way: everything to its nature.

To gentleness; Death brought kindness. To fight; Death brought war.

But to love–

A swallow. Ominis’ glassy eyes move about, unseeing, and he traces his thumb over the pad of a lip. Over the curve of the flesh, there, and he wishes for a taste of it. It is all he has wished for. He cannot think of anything else he has wanted more.

The snow falls on the Thames, like smattered, pressed kisses in the dark.

“Kiss me,” Ominis pleads. He pleads, and remembers.

And Death does not hesitate for a moment. Death does not judge him the years; nor spend another second without him. Death does not think on promises that were not made, nor things lost.

Death has waited so long,

And Death has loved him so much.

I'm not crying, fuck you, you're crying.

(Much love, Totomoo! Thank you so much for your support <3)

Feel free to send requests!