#assuming we still have internet access and enough free speech left by then for that to happen

[razzek]

Man. My dudes. I used to think I knew what sleep problems were, what with having two sleep disorders and all, but jeebus. I miss those days. I'm so sleep deprived even I can see the shadows under my eyes in the mirror. Fell asleep for maybe an hour earlier, after hours of nodding off but not quite sleeping, only to startle awake into a panic attack for no reason except that hot flashes fuck with your brain. Did you know you can have depression nightmares? I didn't, but oh my god I would like to switch back to the pants shitting terror ones please.

Anyway I'm really fucking tired. Think I'm going to see about meeting with the sleep specialist again to see if there's anything to be done about all this. I don't think I'll survive four or five years like this if the past month of increasingly bad sleep is an ongoing trend.

[michaelbranch]

A Brief Summary of Ideas: The Madness of Crowds

*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question

The Madness of Crowds: Gender, Race, and Identity

Author: Douglas Murray

Assumption that a heightened moral knowledge comes with being an oppressed/minority group. "Speaking as a ..."

All these causes started as legitimate human rights campaigns.

Gay

Can't award yourself the right to attribute motives to others that you can't see but which you suspect. Prerequisite for avoiding perpetual confrontation is an ability to listen to people's words and hold some trust in them.

Problem of changing societal positions so swiftly is that unexplored issues and arguments are left behind in the wake.

We still don't have much idea as to why some people are gay.

Hardware = something people can't change (and thus shouldn't be judged on). Software = can be changed (and thus may be available for judgement). Inevitably there will be a push to make some software issues into hardware.

LGBT groupings composition is unsustainable and contradictory. Internal frictions and contradictions even within groupings.

Some heterosexuals are genuinely disturbed by gay people. Plenty of stages between absolute equanimity and ease around people and a desire to violently attack them.

Marxist Foundations

See society not as an infinitely complex system of trust and traditions evolved over time, but solely through the prism of power.

Anyone who questions an "ism" finds themselves accused. Easy weapons to wield with no price to pay for wielding them unfairly.

When it is nearly impossible to tell what is being said, almost anything can be said, and exceptionally dishonest arguments can be smuggled in under the guise of complexity. T= be weary of arguments that can't be presented simply.

Women

Society has doubled down on the belief that biological difference can be denied or ignored.

T= When people make exaggerated claims about what someone else said, its likely an example of people deliberately and lazily adopting simplified misrepresentations of the argument in order to avoid the difficult discussion that would otherwise have to take place.

Contradictory statement = possible to be sexy without being sexualized

Presumption that almost all relationships in the workplace and elsewhere are centered around the exercise of power. Various types of power; many parties can hold different ones.

Privilege is unbelievably hard to define or quantify. How can strata be arranged to be flexible enough to include everyone but consider various comparative changes throughout life. Also, easier to see in others but more difficult to see in ourselves.

Intersectionality is not a fully worked out science.

Concept of the patriarchy has become so ingrained its rarely disputed.

Impact of Tech

If we are running in the wrong direction; tech helps us run faster.

Internet has allowed new forms of activism and bullying. To find people accused of "wrong thing" works because it rewards the bully.

"The one thing we can say with certainty about the advent of new technologies is that people overestimate their impact in the short term and underestimate their impact over the long term." -Variously attributed.

What we say in one place may be posted in another, not just for the whole world but for all time. Having to find a way to speak and act as though it may be in front of everyone. To speak in public is now to have to find a way to address or keep in mind every possible variety of person.

T= Don't sacrifice truth in the pursuit of a political goal.

Race

Some portion of black studies started attacking non blacks. Growth of "whiteness studies" w/ aim of disrupting racism by problematizing "whiteness". Displaces celebratory nature of many race studies to with problematizing others.

Catastrophizing has become one of the distinctive attitudes of the era.

Q= Should we seek color blindness (get beyond race to individual judgement, making skin color effectively an unimportant aspect of a person's identity)?

An idea that since everything was set up by a structure of white hegemony everything is laced with racism and therefore everything must be done away with.

If people got things so wrong in the past, how can you be sure you are acting appropriately today?

Important in crowd maddening mechanism: person who professes themselves most aggrieved gets the most attention. Rewards outrage over sanguinity.

Politicizing issues such that the speaker and their innate characteristics don't matter. What matters is the speech and ideas they give voice to.

Easy(er) to slip up not on an issue of motive but, especially when no other evidence is available, a crime of language.

Social media age has brought us opportunity to publish uncharitable and disingenuous interpretations of what other people have said.

Equality of opportunity AND outcome almost certainly impossible.

Forgiveness

T= Context collapse: conversation/act taken out of context and used to create a simplified version of a person or their beliefs.

Q= How, if ever, is our age able to forgive? Since everybody errs during their life there must be - in any healthy person or society - some capacity to be forgiven. Part of forgiveness is the ability to forget. The internet will never forget.

Actions have consequences that are unbounded and limitless. Constantly acting in a web of relationships in which every action starts a chain reaction. A single word or deed could change everything.

Without being forgiven we would remain the victim of the consequences forever.

T= Historically perpetrators and offended both die out and the grievance fades over time. Internet leaves a permanent record.

Internet helps people approach the past from an all-knowing angle. Retributive instinct of our time that suggests we know ourselves to be better than people in history because we know how they behaved and how we "would have" behaved.

To view the past with some degree of forgiveness is among other things an early request to be forgiven in return.

Trans

Every age before this one has performed or permitted acts that to us are morally stupefying.

A considerable range of cultures has adapted to the idea that some people may be born in one body but desire to live in another.

For intersex people, the question of what medical intervention might be suitable and when is a matter of serious contention.

Very hard to know how to navigate the leap beyond biology into testimony.

Still almost nowhere near understanding trans; including how common it is.

Autogynephilia: arousal that comes from imagining yourself in the role of the opposite sex.

Q= whether what one person believes to be true about themselves has to be accepted as true by other people?

Questions about the age at which people who believe they are in the wrong body should be allowed to access drugs and surgery are worth considering.

Q= What do you need to do to be content with your body, not change it?

Seems we're running to quickly on the trans issue, scared to be on the wrong side of history.

Some contention between trans and feminist ideas.

T= little contention that equal rights should be given. Issue is preconceptions and assumptions about how to go about tackling the issue.

Q=Claims of human rights violations are inversely proportionate to the number of violations in a country. -Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Only a very free society would permit (or encourage) claims about its own inequities.

T= when people attempt to sum up our societies in terms of simplistic structures ask, "compared to what". Not to say elements of our society can't be improved.

The victim is not always right, nice, deserves no praise, and may not be a victim.

Incline towards generosity when interpreting others words/acts.

-People are wiling to interpret remarks from their own tribe in a generous light while reading opposing ones in as negative a light as possible.

To assume that sex, sexuality, and skin color mean nothing would be ridiculous. To assume that they mean everything would be fatal.

The madness we are living through is an over-reaction to past injustice. Belief is that the fastest and best way to address this is to over-compensate.

[steves-on-a-plane]

Run. (Part 8)

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven /

 Words: 1705 Pairing: Tony Stark & Reader   Timeline: The Avengers: Age Of Ultron [2015]   Other Info: Run AU     Summary: In the aftermath of Ultron’s attack, Reader gives her harebrained husband a piece of her mind before joining the rest of the team in the lab for the next plan.

April 2015

In one moment, there was shattering glass and gun shots and in the next instant, silence. You waited still not knowing if the winning team had been your own. Your song and daughter were each clinging to you closely. They were waiting on you for what to do now. Then there was the frantic stomp of footsteps on the stairs and running up the balcony. Then the door to Eddie’s room burst open and all three of you screamed.

“Guys it’s okay. It’s me! It’s Dad.” Tony panted. He was griping the doorknob tight. His expression switched between relief, worry and regret in rapid succession.

“See,” You said kissing Serina on the head and then Eddie. “I told you, nothing to worry about. So, let’s get everyone to bed okay?” With Tony’s help you got Eddie all tucked back into bed while Serina hovered by the doorway watching you. You turned Eddie’s dinosaur nightlight on before turning off the main light and ushering Tony and Serina outside.

“Holy shit!” Serina exclaimed as she looked over the balcony. The rest of the team was still there. Somewhere examining the damage that had been done. Steve and Maria were off to one side conversing with their heads tucked down low. No doubt discussing your husband and his reckless actions. The tower had suffered, but physically everyone was fine. That was the important thing. Windows, walls, tables all of that could be replaced. You were just lucking nothing more serious had happened. At your daughter’s exclamation, anyone close enough to have heard her looked up.

“Someone said a bad word, Cap, you heard her.” Tony, as he was known to do when he was nervous, cracked a joke. But as he took in the glares around the room he walked the statement back. “Right, not the time.” You placed an arm around your daughter but she shrugged you off.

“I can find my own way to my room.” She snapped before stomping off. That left you and Tony free to descend the steps into the lion’s den.

“What the hell were you thinking?” You hissed as you started walking down the stairs.

“I was thinking about them.” Tony quipped back. “I want them to live in a world where they don’t have to worry about alien invasions and killer robots.”

“You’re the only one creating killer robots!” You argued. You’d reached the bottom of the stairs. You walked past Maria and Steve and towards Bruce.

“You!” You growled at Banner. “He couldn’t have done this on his own! And I get that he can’t see past his own nose when he gets an idea in his head, but you’re supposed to be the levelheaded one! You’re supposed to have this world-renowned control! We had an agreement you and I!” Tony placed a hand on your shoulder trying to hold you back as you continued to charge at Banner. You noticed Natasha step up to Bruce’s side so that she was standing just in front of him.

“Sweetheart, maybe we don’t go charging at the man who can turn into a giant green monster, okay?” He suggested quietly.

“Oh! Oh! You want me to listen to you about what’s safe?” You rounded on him, raising your voice this time. “So just to be clear yelling at Banner is off the table, but the two of you making a killer AI who destroys my home and puts my kids in danger, that’s okay?”

“They’re my kids too, [Y/N].” Tony said quietly.

“Why don’t we give everyone a minute.” Steve suggested trying to draw some attention away from you and Tony. “Take some time to assess the damage, clean wounds, change clothes. We’ll meet back here in a half an hour. Banner, Stark, figure out what the hell happened here. Romanoff, Barton, work with them, see what systems if any were compromised.”

“They’re my kids too, damn it.” Tony mumbled again before going walking off to his lab. You sighed and followed after him.

“Tony.” You called out to him quietly, standing just outside the door to the lab. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked him.

“You know why.” Tony scoffed, his back turned to you. He shuffled through mangled Iron Legionnaire parts as he tried to make his way over to the computer. You took a few steps inside and watch him and Bruce working.

“Because I would have tried to stop you?” You guessed.

“Yes, because you would have tried to stop me.”  Tony slammed his fist on the desk. “And you know what?” He turned on his heels. “I would have listened to you! Because I would do anything for you. All you’d ever have to do is ask, and I’d give it to you. But this, this was important!”

“All our work is gone.” Bruce interjected, looking up from his own computer. “Ultron cleared everything out and used the internet as an escape hatch.” Natasha, Clint and Steve entered the lab. The two experienced agents stomped into the room; their faces were expressionless masks. Steve on the other hand had both of his arms folded over his chest. It was the first time you’d ever seen the captain look angry. You didn’t know he had it in him.

“He’s been in everything.” Natasha huffed. “Files, surveillance. Probably knows more about us than we know about each other.”

“He’s in the files, he’s in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?” Rhodey asked as he and Maria joined you in the lab.

“Nuclear codes?” Maria asked worriedly.

“Nuclear codes!” Rhodey nodded solemnly as he massaged his shoulder that must have been injured in the flight. “Look, we need to make some calls. Assuming that we still can.”

“Nukes?” Natasha shook her head. “He said he wanted us dead.”

“He. Didn’t say dead.” Steve disagreed. “He said extinct.”

“He also said he killed somebody.” Clint remembered.

“There wasn’t anyone else in the building, the kids are fine right, [Y/N]?” Maria asked. You nodded wordlessly.

“Yes, there was.” Tony tapped a few buttons on his keyboard and a holographic image appeared in the center of the lab. You recognized the glowing golden-orange ball despite it being broken and decayed.

“JARVIS.” You sighed.

“JARVIS was the first line of defense.” Steve frowned. “He would have shut Ultron down. It makes sense.”  

Thor was the last to come charging into the room. He brushed past you and Steve and everyone else and straight towards your husband. He grabbed Tony by the throat and hoisted him in the air.

“Woah, Woah…” Steve tried to jump in to stop him, but Thor paid him no attention.

“Come on, use your words, buddy!” Tony commented as she struggled to breath.

“I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark.” Thor huffed. He released his hold on Tony, who landed on his feet.  

“Now we must retrieve the scepter, again.” He complained.

“Genie’s out of that bottle.” Natasha disagreed. “Clear and present is Ultron.”

“Well if no one else is going to ask, I will.” You announced. “You two built this program. Why is it trying to kill you?” Instead of answering you, Tony just started to laugh.

“You think this is funny?” Thor questioned. He very clearly did not find the situation funny.

“No, it’s probably not. Right?” He looked over and you and then around the room at the others. “This is really terrible? Is it so…” He laughed again. “Is it so terrible?”

“This could have been avoided if you hadn’t played with something you don’t understand.” Thor chastised him.

“No.” Tony interrupted him; his tone suddenly very serious. “I’m sorry, it is funny. It’s a hoot that you don’t get why we need this!”

“Tony, maybe this might not be the time…” Bruce warned him cautiously.

“Really?” Tony hissed. “That’s it? You just roll over, show your belly? Every time somebody snarls?”

“Only when I’ve created a murder bot.” Bruce countered.

“We didn’t.” Tony insisted. “We weren’t even close. Were we close to an interface?”

“Well you did something right.” Steve sighed. “And you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD.”

“Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?” Tony asked the room at large.

“Nope, it’s never come up.” Rhodey commented sarcastically and shook his head. Around the room the others averted their gaze or rolled their eyes. Everyone except you and Rhodey who had better practice at listening to Tony’s grandiose ‘here’s why I’m right’ speeches.

“Saved New York? Anyone recall that?” Tony continued to poll his audience. You looked at Rhodey and he looked at you. Neither of you would be able to reign Tony in from his soap box.  “A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We’re standing 300 feet below it. We’re the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the livelong day, but that up there,” He pointed up at the ceiling. “That’s the endgame. How were you guys planning on beating that?”

“Together.” Steve answered, not caring if the question was rhetorical.

“We’ll lose.” Tony shook his head.

“Then we’ll do that together too.” Steve assured him. “Thor’s right. Ultron’s called us out. I’d like to find him before he’s ready for us.” He added loud enough for the rest of the team to hear. “The world’s a big place, let’s start making it smaller.”

“How can I help, Cap?” You asked Steve.

“No, no,” Tony shook his head. “Absolutely not. I don’t want you involved.”

“You involved me when you brought your work home with you, literally.” You snapped at him. “And I wasn’t asking you, I was asking Steve.” You looked back at the captain and waited for his answer.

“If Ultron’s been in our files,” Steve sighed, scratching his head. “We might have to go old school. We could use some help bringing up old SHIELD files from the basement.”

“I’m on it.” You saluted the Captain and left the lab. You were almost at the elevator when you got a text from your husband.

Run?

Absolutely not. You texted back furiously. You made this mess, you clean it up.

[ehentha]

Maldives Twitter VS Francesca Borri

Imagine getting harrassed on twitter by a bunch of people you claimed didn’t know english or have smart phones 😂

— ‎ބ̸̤̯̍̏ު̵̩͔̬͑͝ރ̴̢̝͓̅ަ̶̜̌͊ކ̴̱̮̚ަ̶̹̱̥̽ށ̸̘͒ި̵̻̘̍̆͗❓🎈 (@Burakashi) January 27, 2019

*smartphone 😫🔫

The Maldives is one of the most oppressive countries in the world. It has a constitution that makes the lives of non-Muslim and LGBT Maldivians illegal. This makes life incredibly difficult for any progressive Muslims that want to bring about reforms as well as saying anything against extremist sheikhs will get you labled an apostate. Progressive Muslims like @moyameehaa (Ahmed Rizwan / Rilwan) and @yaamyn (Yameen Rasheed) who have spoken out for Maldivian minorities, progressive Islam, and secularism have been taken away from us. Sheikhs are not safe either, as one of the only moderately progressive sheikhs, Afrasheem Ali, was also brutally murdered in 2012.

First they came for the bloggers, and I did not speak out Because I was not a blogger. Then they came for irreligious, and I did not speak out Because I was not laadheenee. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.

— Mohamed Shuraih (@MohamedShuraih) January 27, 2019

The greatest battlefield in the war for the hearts and minds of Maldivians is the internet. Bloggers like Hilath Rasheed have been the targets of escalating campaigns of harassment and death threats. In 2012, Hilath himself barely survived his neck being slashed. This was after years of attacks against people deemed laadheenee.

Maldivian extremists have used the internet for their terror and propaganda activities. One of the earliest Maldivian extremist groups, of which Rilwan was an ex-member, called “dot” or “dotu” literally got it’s name from “dot com”. Right now there are dozens of terrorist recruitment facebook and twitter pages, telegram, whatsapp, and viber groups, and websites brainwashing Maldivians with extremist propaganda.

He made a list of “dhivehi kaafarun”. We reported his account and now he’s changed the name to “Dhivehi atheists”. But here is proof of the original name https://t.co/WvbfkKbMp1

— ‎ބ̸̤̯̍̏ު̵̩͔̬͑͝ރ̴̢̝͓̅ަ̶̜̌͊ކ̴̱̮̚ަ̶̹̱̥̽ށ̸̘͒ި̵̻̘̍̆͗❓🎈 (@Burakashi) June 16, 2018

Their latest efforts including making a list of Dhivehi Kaafarun (Maldivian infidels) on twitter (which twitter support refused to remove, the account is still active), and a telegram group called “MV Murtad Watch” (Maldives apostate watch). This has also not been removed despite even making the local news.

Maldivian extremists are free to spread hate on the internet. Especially if they use Dhivehi, a language that cannot be automatically translated. This means that the support staff of these platforms often don’t even know how to recognise hate and fear speech when it is written in Dhivehi.

Murtad Watch MV is still active on @telegram. They claim to not be making death threats.But they state multiple times the verdict for apostasy is death. After which they list pictures, names & personal info of alleged apostates. Calling stoning cruel is enough to get labeled one. pic.twitter.com/hqcOXAI0fb

— ‎ބ̸̤̯̍̏ު̵̩͔̬͑͝ރ̴̢̝͓̅ަ̶̜̌͊ކ̴̱̮̚ަ̶̹̱̥̽ށ̸̘͒ި̵̻̘̍̆͗❓🎈 (@Burakashi) January 27, 2019

murtad watch is like "these people are apostates & apostates should be killed. here are their personal info. BY THE WAY THIS IS NOT A THREAT" that's a death threat. why would police do anything? when these groups commit murder police's job has always been to cover up the murder

— 🎈Thihen Vany (@basneyheemaa) January 27, 2019

I hope I have set the scene for you. An intolerant constitution that outright bans thinking and freedom of conscience. Extremists getting away with murder, and using technology as a means of oppression in a highly connected and tech literate society while the multi-million dollar companies that run them turn a blind eye.

It’s so fucking insulting that Maldivians have to fear for their lives because of goddamn @telegram groups, but meanwhile there’s western experts writing books claiming we go gaga at the sight of an iPhone. I wish these terrorists didn’t use phones, would make our lives easier 🤬

— ‎ބ̸̤̯̍̏ު̵̩͔̬͑͝ރ̴̢̝͓̅ަ̶̜̌͊ކ̴̱̮̚ަ̶̹̱̥̽ށ̸̘͒ި̵̻̘̍̆͗❓🎈 (@Burakashi) January 27, 2019

#NowReading Destination Paradise - Among the jihadists of the Maldives pic.twitter.com/6y4E5BYQf5

— Nash (@NashNasheed) January 21, 2019

Enter Francesca Borri with the radical insight that there is only one bookstore in Male’, all the while seeming to imply that most Maldivians don’t know English.

This book was published in 2017. It is factually incorrect. There’s only an Islamic bookstore? 🤦🏻‍♀️ This author is delusional. pic.twitter.com/ngPcG5yRhY

— Nash (@NashNasheed) January 26, 2019

And that there is no local cuisine.

Page 39. “I think that the Maldives are the only country in the world where there is no local cuisine”. Okay. Now this is going too far 😡

— Nash (@NashNasheed) January 26, 2019

And that Maldivians are amazed by smartphones.

Page 53. “A text arrives and my phone lights up... there’s an ooh of general amazement because it’s an iphone and no one has ever seen an iphone here”. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Seriously @francescaborri? Starting to doubt that you were even in Male’. Btw. Tweet sent from my iphone.

— Nash (@NashNasheed) January 26, 2019

“While the rest of the world watched the Olympics, in the Maldives most people watched the battle of Aleppo. And rooted for al-Qaeda”. What? Which channel on medianet was the battle of Aleppo broadcasted on? pic.twitter.com/wSaOPpQKRR

— Nash (@NashNasheed) January 21, 2019

But perhaps most insulting is the fact that we’d give a damn about the Olympics when we could be watching football. Also how the heck do you reckon people cut up the “Battle of Aleppo” for broadcast television? Do you think they had an HBO style miniseries?

Hey @francescaborri what medieval technology do you think this Maldivian terrorist group used to post this to Facebook? A 🥥 ? Can you help decipher the strange language they’ve used to threaten my life? I’m sending this via economy pigeon. May it reach you safely. Pls send halp. pic.twitter.com/wNvYbd06kZ

— ‎ބ̸̤̯̍̏ު̵̩͔̬͑͝ރ̴̢̝͓̅ަ̶̜̌͊ކ̴̱̮̚ަ̶̹̱̥̽ށ̸̘͒ި̵̻̘̍̆͗❓🎈 (@Burakashi) January 27, 2019

You get the picture. A hastily strung together piece of orientalist trash that makes the situation worse for people suffering because of Maldivian extremists. The last thing progressive Muslim, non-Muslim, and LGBT Maldivians need is more misinformation out there. Especially not from someone with a savior complex.

How can you trust anything written in this book when it features so many blatant fabrications? Fabrications deliberately worded to make Maldivians sound like backwards people rife with extremism who can’t read and are technology inept.

98% of our population had internet access five years ago. We have one of the highest tech proliferation and device per capita stats in the world. This isn't lazy research, this is outright malicious https://t.co/slgUtYcoYe

— Naailu🎈 (@kudanai) January 27, 2019

Well I’ll have you know us Maldivians are backwards people who are incredibly tech literate. And we can read too, to the shock of the author who is currently at the receiving end of the wrath of Maldives twitter.

Finally in bookstores. pic.twitter.com/ujRIg867gI

— francesca borri (@francescaborri) November 13, 2018

Here are some of the funniest and most insightful tweets directed at this latest savior who thought they could turn a profit on the suffering of the global south. These are the words of Maldivians speaking about their own country. Listen to them.

Lmao loving how conservatives and liberals are uniting against the mostly false portrayal of our country by @francescaborri . Nobody can trash-talk Maldivians except us amirite? 🇲🇻

— 🎈Nora Nazeer ✨ (@NoraNazeer) January 27, 2019

When western "journalists" parachute in to a South Asian country and assume they know everything and that they are always right. A Frenchman, who did the same, told me after visiting Maldives that Borri "took a lot of liberty" when writing her book. As in, she made up stories. https://t.co/wnBPUZgoi1

— Junayd 🇲🇻 (@mjunayd) January 27, 2019

But you could see how it perpetuates an idea of Maldivians that’s quite patronizing, even to the extent of orientalism, right? I mean, I do agree that extremism is at a critical stage here, but surely that could have been said without this inaccurate depiction of the rest?

— Aryj (@Arrryj) January 27, 2019

So tell me, how did you come up with this shit? 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻 I graduated in an IGSE Cambridge examination back in 2008...from my island. Got an A in English. Even starting primary school, I had access to books from authors like Enid Blyton, R.L Stein and Louis Cooper... 🤦🏼‍♀️

— ShinyShine (@ShinyShine18) January 27, 2019

Might want search Google Maps for "bookshop" next time. This book is a blatant lie at this point. Even given the benefits of the doubt, this book falls short of acceptable. Tldr: Riddled with lies for dramatic purposes. pic.twitter.com/TXycTvAzqC

— A. A. Nawaz 🎈❓ (@aanawazu) January 27, 2019

When someone from the global north decides to do a book about one of the smallest countries in the global south without much research and one that won't easily be scrutinised for the factual inaccuracies, with sweeping generalisations, this happens. Awesome thread btw https://t.co/0TKA9KmHV4

— Ahmed Tholal🎈 (@Tholman_79) January 27, 2019

Whats an iPhone? Im tweeting on my iCoconut https://t.co/RPYxQKUFDR

— Faafa🎈 (@psychofart) January 27, 2019

Actually it’s Dhonmeeha: *whips out iPhone 6S* Mordis meeha : *whips out iPhone XS Max, iPad Pro, the New Mac book Air DJI Mavic pro, DJI Osmo and 2 GoPro Hero* https://t.co/nK3ux1I7VZ

— Simbro (@aachym) January 27, 2019

(“Dhon meehaa” literally means “fair skinned person”. It is the word used by Maldivians for “white people”. And it’s true, turn a Maldivian upside down and shake them little. The contents of an Apple Store will fall out).

the "worst parts" in the book are absolute lies. are we as maldivians not entitled to be upset over them? ignore them and move along? these are "facts" written by a "journalist" in a published book. https://t.co/2mFKGEw7hn

— ˗ˏˋ 𝑅𝒾𝒻𝑔𝒶 ˎˊ˗ (@MRifgaR) January 27, 2019

for the record i'm still a bit confused about your reviews @dbosley80 but ok. at least you made it clear that you don't recommend this book by @francescaborri pic.twitter.com/DUpatyXurX

— ˗ˏˋ 𝑅𝒾𝒻𝑔𝒶 ˎˊ˗ (@MRifgaR) January 27, 2019

Love it when white people feel the need to exaggerate and look down on an entire country and reduce their entire culture and history to what they came across in a day or two lol. pic.twitter.com/olIe8jDGoj

— Alhaaves NulaaFA (@ShafaRameez) January 27, 2019

I think the verdict of this would end up like, i condemn thee @francescaborri to 1 year of internship at Divehi Bahuge Academy 😅 so that by the time she's done there she can translate this godforsaken book to Divehi so us natives could actually learn about ourselves

— Aishath Ibahath (@AishathIbahath) January 27, 2019

Just had garudhiya, baiy, theluli faiy and theluli mas. The height of Italian cuisine!

— Junayd 🇲🇻 (@mjunayd) January 27, 2019

In Maldives we have no local cuisine to the point that when we attempted to make that shit, we sucked so much that we left it to cook for days and that is how we had rihaakuru and now we just eat that

— thikujja stan account (@ahunafu) January 27, 2019

If @francescaborri did her research properly she'd know about the dissent against extremists from Maldivians. Specially in our twitter community. I for one didn't applaud them as heroes. https://t.co/358lReKjMq

— 🎈Nora Nazeer ✨ (@NoraNazeer) January 27, 2019

At the end of the picture that sentence, is that saying the minority that speak English is rich and WHITE????

— Sharlight❓🎈 (@sjaufar) January 27, 2019

Shame these important interviews are in an a book with so many lies in it @francescaborri https://t.co/GeHpH5BU0m

— amani naseem 🎈 (@amaninaseem) January 27, 2019

Francesca Borri Vaguthu 🤝 Jaanalizam

— Threefish 🎈❓ (@three3fish) January 27, 2019

(vaguthu [“time” lol] is a Maldivian tabloid rag that primarily posts moral panic inducing “journalism” about Maldivian minorities).

Maldives has no local cuisine?!? I wasn't bothered when the author called us all extremists cause that's just typical white people racist fear mongering but NO LOCAL CUISINE?? Ive half a mind to make a thread about local cuisine & tag the author in it. https://t.co/QrpE3QPBcP

— Faafa🎈 (@psychofart) January 27, 2019

just because I am so offended I am going to write my whole masters thesis on Maldivian food

— Malsa Maaz (@malsamaaz) January 27, 2019

So fiction writers, here's a heads up. @7StoriesPress are very fond of fiction, specially investigative parody works. Ask franny @francescaborri she had the easiest of rides with that "Maldives in a Parallel Universe" work she did.

— Naif Naeem (@nAAYf) January 27, 2019

People like @francescaborri is what is wrong in the literary world, creating fake news with half truths to earn a buck. And also publishers, bookstores etc who support to push this garbage onto mainstream. Shame. https://t.co/Vi53939fLG

— p3st (@p3st) January 27, 2019

I read what was available on google because I’m not going to give a racist money - and yes, @francescaborri you’re racist.

— くたばれ🎈 (@hoshiyoshii) January 27, 2019

I’m tweeting from my iphone while I’m eating ‘Rihaakuru ‘ u know.., local cuisine. 😎 After finishing my food, I’m going to the ‘book store’ next to my house with English Arabic n international language books. 🖕🏼that’s for u 😉

— Jen (@jennasym) January 27, 2019

Hello uncultured jihadi Maldivians without bookstores tweeting using rocks and smoke signals or whatever, If you have a moment, please do send a messenger pigeon with your thoughts about @francescaborri’s book to google DOT com review What’s what? Click https://t.co/822PDLTTgR https://t.co/uR1UpoAFkm

— insaan🎈❔ (@pikomonster) January 27, 2019

people are saying @francescaborri makes sense despite exaggerating some stuff. but i think her “exaggerations” demonstrate an extremely skewed, clearly orientalist perspective which entirely rescinds her entire narrative. she lacks any coherent context. what a silly woman

— xiena saeed 🎈 (@dorinbakedbeans) January 27, 2019

Thanks @francescaborri. The roasting you're receiving is really entertaining. The tweets coming from iPhones are especially tasty. Almost as tasty as our cuisine, and now I'm craving some rihaakuru dhiya. Ta Ta, gonna go have some while I keep up with this roasting.

— Nomura-sama has slain Nabith (@nabithahmed) January 27, 2019

What an ignorant writer @francescaborri is! Our school system is based on the English language since decades ago—almost every Maldivian can converse in English. Many physical+online bookstores in Male. I own an iPhone. Tweet at me and I will send you recipe for Rihaakuru Dhiya https://t.co/TA773n5PgQ

— Maahil🌺❤️🍃 (@MaahilMohamed) January 27, 2019

How long was the research period to write this book? 😂 #localtweetingfromiphone

— Azza Rushdy (@UGLY_Y) January 27, 2019

Its from a parallel dimension...on Earth 51, maldives is like that 🤪 tuna has run out of the oceans and no more rihaakuru and palms sold to dubai hence no coconut for mashuni...

— p3st (@p3st) January 27, 2019

Your portrayal of maldives as backwards and having little or no indentity of its own (except the one you try so hard to force on your readers) is proof that you wrote this on hearsay and some internet research done whilst sitting on your ass at home.

— Ahusan (aka.Jack / Pusheen) (@awhosun) January 27, 2019

Hi @francescaborri, there are about 4 main bookstores with multiple outlets in Malé and many independent ones that stock many titles in English. This tweet was kindly translated to English by a member of the minority and sent from my garudhiya baiythashi. https://t.co/iSloEziYl1

— 🌞 (@izznzz) January 27, 2019

According to the author Maldives is the only country in the world with no local cuisine. So @francescaborri should I stop researching for my PhD on, guess what, LOCAL MALDIVIAN CUISINE? Shameful. https://t.co/7gntvUeCeV

— Mo S. (@moshen81) January 27, 2019

We have many qualified people capable of producing an accurate assessment of radicalisation in Raajje that @francescaborri so spectacularly failed at. If one good thing comes of this, can it be that? Or is it only the dhon meehaa who can talk abt it w/out fearing for their lives?

— Azka (@Azka__Anees) January 27, 2019

Nothing brings Maldivians together like a good roast.

Thank you @francescaborri. It's really nice to see you get roasted by a whole country, everyone together.

— Emaz (@emaaaz) January 27, 2019

[automaticstudentmiracle-blog]

•IEW, should or shouldn't be delicate at all?• Hi, I'm Mentari. I'm an alumni of 16/17 KL-YES Program to the USA. I was hosted in Belleville, Illinois. Through this writing, I want to happily share my personal-experience-based stories regarding to the most awaited moment of all exchange students all over the world. Exactly. International Education Week. Happy International Education Week for all exchange students! *cheers* First of all, today was a year ago the kick-off night of IEW was held, November 13, 2017 in one of our mate's host family's house in Shiloh, Illinois. My IEW was started with the International Cuisine Night. In my cluster we consisted of fourteen exchange students who came from various countries (Indonesia, Israel, Kazakhstan, Kyrgystan, Moldova, India, and Armenia), and we were all organized by one very cool Placement Organization named World Link Inc. Why do I say so? First, I'm not paid to say that, because that's legit true. Second, because World Link has successfully helped me trace out my development(s) during the program. For me, especially Cyndi (my local coordinator) and Kristin--a huge and hard shoutout to them two--who have worked the best out of them to take care of all of us until the very last day of our presence in the US. Anyway, that International Cuisine Night, though, was taken in so much energy and synergy to introduce each of our countries through cuisines. The hostess (Cyndi & Nickie) also cordially invited each of our host families to celebrate and try our international cuisines for free. Yes, F R E E. Don't you wonder what I cooked in that time? Inhale. Exhale. Ayam Kecap or Chicken Shimmered in a Sweet Indonesian Soy Sauce. Seriously. This idea started off of my thought about what mom's food I missed the most in that time. Something sweet, but not too sweet. Something spicy, but not too spicy. Then popped up in my head, that, Ayam Kecap. A week before that night, I seriously surfed on the internet to figure out the closest recipe like my mom usually has back home. Boom! I found it! You can access the recipe here for the sake of your reference in case you have no idea at all: https://www.google.co.id/amp/s/anotherdish.com/2013/08/25/chicken-simmered-in-a-sweet-indonesian-soy-sauce-ayam-kecap/amp/ I brainstormed hard and I finally left to go to one Asian market in St. Louis, Missouri, named Jay's Market which was 20 minutes drive from my home, to buy some ingredients and stuffs. I got pretty much some things, such as Indonesian soybean sauce (Kecap Manis ABC) and shallots (bawang merah). In that time I did realize, I could be happy over simple things like this. Kick-off night: checked. Next stop was my school to present Indonesia through some speeches in presentations. Honestly though I only did three presentations during the IEW, which didn't reach my satisfaction point yet. But it was okay. I did my first presentation in my Public Speaking class, the second one in History class, and the third one in the library which was open for anyone at school to see. Everytime I initiated to do the presentation, I always wore Indonesian typical apparel, such as, or such as simple as, batik blazer, batik skirt, and kebaya. I spent relatively 25 minutes each presentation to talk and discuss about Indonesia with the audiences, also did I hold a little Q&A game with them after the presentation and one who could answer my question(s) right would get a piece of Indonesian money (Rp2,000,-). You know what, most of them got mad because of the money I gave them away, like, the typical question for them was,"OMG, are you sure you give me your money? Do you still have money after this? I just want to make sure you're good after all," which was followed with tender hugs afterward. I assume they said that because they thought Indonesia money got a lot of 0s and Rp2,000,- equaled to several hundreds US dollars, which was not true *lol*. Rp2,000,- is not even equivalent to $1. I explained all to them and they thanked me for such beautiful and remarkable gift from Indonesia. I spent the last day of IEW in a huge celebration of it in my school library which also invited other exchange students from other schools to collaborate created an International Day of The Week at school. I wore kebaya in that day, and my other friends also wore their beautiful traditional clothes. The school managed some stuffs so the exchange students could also display their nation-related stuffs during the event. I displayed my ID card (KTP), school ID card (kartu pelajar), Indonesian coins (receh), and some of Indonesian utensils (Pilot, Standard, pensil 2B, etc) in one medium size display window (etalase)--of course because I don't want anyone steal any of my 'traditional' belongings. Please no. Literally, prior to the IEW, I had cooked pretty much some meal for my host family at home and for a couple times brought the meals to school for lunch. Do you know what it was? Indomie. I mean, what else can typically depict Indonesia in a very quick and simple way? Indomie. Did I but the Indomie though? Nope, I didn't buy it, but my host dad did. He surprised me in my sixth week there by putting a box full Indomie he bought from Amazon in front of my room door. Yea, it was cute. And I miss him now. I'm about to cry. No. Anyway, let's summarize all these into dos and don'ts during the IEW for you whom are planning to manage the schedule, or still collecting up all the guts to conduct the presentations through some speeches in front of the mass. Let's start from the don'ts--so you have some pictures of bad things that'd happen if you do these. 1. Put information you don't specifically know or understand about Indonesia into your slides. It's such a big NO. Let's take one case as an example. You put in your slide, for example, that Indonesia got the 2nd big economy in the world, and then you don't further explain about it which left the audiences be empty about your information. Anyway though, it's somewhat unnecessary because people can basically google it by themselves and spot it right there. 2. Attach irrelevant pictures. Isn't it funny when you read about the traditional foods but then appear one picture of an Indonesian president in one same slide? It's silly. Please don't do that. 3. Miscalculate your presenting duration. I'm always cautious enough in determining the right amount of time for me to present the presentation in each class I targeted. Traditionally, when an exchange student has booked one special day to the teacher in one class to present about his/her country, class must not undergo casual teaching activity. So, don't disappoint your teacher because you say to him/her that you'll present for 15 minutes but in fact you go for another 15 minutes, because just in case she/he might plan some activities later after your thing. 4. Stuff up your slides with general information. Please, you come abroad to make Indonesian known in special way. Don't give information they should've known just by one simple click away on Google. Be specific and detail and original. 5. Skip the subjects. Tell me you aren't going to, or planning to do this, are you? Please don't let them left still wondering about some subjects that are attached in your slides but you get rid to present it just because you don't memorize the speech or information or explanation about it. Phew. Let's straight go to the dos stuffs. 1. Be knowledgable about your country! You are going to present about Indonesia, so you should learn more and more about it first before you speak about it. Am I right or am I right? Preferably don't use text or note while you're presenting, but this is actually up to you. 2. Pictures and videos can furnish your presentation for sure! Beautiful and original pictures or videos can also help you promote Indonesia to them. Your everyday pictures with your family, friends, teachers back home can be definitely attached into your slides to amaze the audiences (but please, not your selfies). You can also download some of the videos from Wonderful Indonesia on YouTube to be played. For example this one: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TT8J3wUX_YY. Ideally you don't need to attact a life-long 101 hours video, you just need like 2-4 minutes long videos therefore it also doesn't corrupt your presenting time. 3. Make agenda for when and where you'll go to present (and manage the right time with the teachers if you're planning to present at classes)! I used to have a small agenda note to create a timeline of when and where and what I'll present later, and how many audiences I expected to come to watch. Just don't ruin your vibe just because you don't manage your agenda correctly. Ugh, what a disaster. 4. Input the general points, assess, through speaking, the specific matters. You may input some general points only to outline your explanation, but please be specific when you speak or talk about it. Because through your explanation, they start getting to know how Indonesia is. 5. Be in right order. You aren't going to go from foods session to the geography part of Indonesia, are you? 6. BE CONFIDENT AND CLEAR. Your voice, posture, body languages, stage manners, and all. Please manage as best you can as possible. They'll see Indonesia through you, and they'll understand Indonesia through your eyes. So please be you and original. Wow. What a list. I hope you guys feel a little bit helped and can take some good points from what I've written here. And I wish you a very successful and lit IEW. Break a leg!

[finsterhund]

Here lies 2018, a creatively bankrupt year for Finsterhund, but maybe that is for the best.

This year was um... bad... I think. But that doesn't stop me from really being hopeful for the future. I have a dark confession though. I feed off of negativity in a way that scares me and I don’t know how to face it.

Here’s my thoughts about the past year and my hopes for the future. Warning: it gets dark.

This year we moved into a “temporary house” another one, but this time it was one I actually cried because of how much I was actively afraid to live here. That didn't convince my roommates though lmao. No proper bedroom lighting, having to walk through a dark forest to get to the bus stop, and suspicious neighborly activities were things that I had to deal with here. It is oh so fortunate that I will be moving.

After 2017; the Year of Wannabe, being lied to about my dog dying, and getting groomed by someone who was nice to me on the internet (again) I was an emotional wreck. I was paranoid that abusive people like Wannabe, his artist, my dad, the guy I thought was my friend, and others similar might cause issue or be even more of a problem this year. Fortunately, the horrible fears I assumed may transpire and ruin everything did not rip through Internet Land(tm) but I was still kept in a constant state of paranoia.

The antifandom didn't return either, with the exception of a vindictive troll called Zachary. You’ll probably notice that my posts about him trailed off relatively recently. It was revealed that he was dealing with verbally abusive parents. While they don’t excuse his actions, they certainly explained them. I only hope with time he gets out of that environment and learns to express opinions in a healthy way. That’s something I still struggle with. For similar reasons.

A youtube gaming channel did play HoD and spread some false allegations against the game’s devs “as a joke” which was pretty sick and not actually a joke. False allegations are bad. They diminish when people do actual real bad things and make the people who do those bad things feel empowered to say “you are just a call out post maker who hates free speech” and things like that. But fortunately, people who aren't completely stupid didn't believe it.

So despite nothing really serious happening this year, I was still considerably anxious. My mental state has been slowly and surely getting worse every year I’m not medicated, and my physical health has been blatantly declining too. The symptoms of my weaker immune system have been getting worse, and my appetite has been getting bigger. I've found out recently that unlike regular depression and most mental illnesses and disorders, cabin fever can cause heightened appetite and food cravings. For the longest time I felt invalid because my mental illnesses are supposed to take away my appetite, not make it worse, but by finally acknowledging that I suffer from longterm cabin fever, I've come to terms with the fact that it does indeed make sense.

Now to find a way of dealing with cabin fever... haha... ha...ha.

But my situation left me creatively bankrupt. Paranoid, anxious, and very tired. I still did draw and try to write, but that gradually became harder and harder as my laptop began to fail in the summer. In fall, finally, when Microsoft forced that October update, the hard disk stopped for good, and I lost the considerable amount of things left that I hadn't yet backed up. Despite getting a replacement that I can still draw and write with, a big chunk of my passion died with that hard disk. I’m very sentimental, I don’t let go of things easily. The end of an era can make it so that the new era takes way too long to start up from the rubble.

Interestingly enough however, is that the same creative affliction and severe negative downward spiral that killed my ability to draw and write after the death of my laptop also happened to Wannabe’s Artist, for no reason, who sub sequentially just started tanking emotionally. This is something I've noticed a few times. The people who hurt me having bad things happening to them that follow the same trend of bad things happening to me. Wannabe’s computer being plagued by the same Windows 10 updates that killed mine, Wannabe’s Artist losing her passion.

I've come to the conclusion that the reason why the universe forces me to suffer is in order to make the evil people who have done bad things to me suffer as well. It’s a form of balance. I must take the same bullet that they do. I know this is likely my paranoia and psychosis talking, but I really feel that if karma does exist, that is how it works. I take comfort in my suffering, because it has to be this way. Good can only exist because of suffering also existing. If I am to be a lighting rod, I hope that the good that comes as a result of my pain is powerful and beneficial to the other people who receive it.

The internet censorship has gotten worse, but considering where I stand on certain issues now, part of me thinks that’s for the best. Am I willing to sacrifice certain freedoms in order to ensure that evil people don’t feel welcome? Well, I don’t know, but it was nice seeing Wannabe’s Artist almost get banned from multiple websites and actually get banned from several. She made a new tumblr account and it promptly got banned. She made ANOTHER new tumblr account and lost in in the purge. Despite me not liking censorship, there’s a strange poetic justice watching it claim someone you don’t like as the result of nothing more than their own actions.

It’s strange how perspective can change how you think about things. Your world view can shift with one different experience. I hope that I have not been permanently shifted into being a combative person because of this.

There’s a really strange and extremely malicious and negative but still gratifying comfort in knowing that awful people who ruined your life are suffering just the same as you. We all are little mortal beings made of flesh being buffeted around by a cold uncaring world. It was the same feeling I got watching the security footage of my predator birth father being tasered after punching a police officer. Police brutality is wrong, I’ll never say it isn't. But the fact that it is wrong doesn't mean that he didn't deserve it. There’s a sickness deep in my heart to derive enjoyment in the suffering of others, something that I feel destroys what little purity I've managed to hold onto and hoard away and value so highly as a remnant of what I used to be, but I don’t know how to fight it. It feels instinctive to be honest, like gratification or release. I’d like to say that only genuinely awful people suffering make me feel like this, but even some people who I just don’t like will have bad things happen and I’ll have to stop myself from feeling enjoyment from it. Is there a way to cure this? Prevent it? Is it selfishness or is it entirely subconscious? How do I even start not feeling this way. I don’t know. I don’t want it in my life. I want it to stop. But it just fills me before I have a chance to tell myself it’s wrong.

Do I feel awful, guilty, and ashamed that I feel this way? Of course. Do I know that it’s wrong to feel this way? Also yes. At this point though, my vicious hatred of those who have done me wrong is a very powerful motivator. To live just to spite them, to go through hardships to sit back and watch them do the same. To see that those my paranoia-riddled brain deems “powerful beings of abuse” being tripped and cut and crushed by the same mortal perils that make it hard for me to keep on going is a better psychosis cure than anything I've had access to this year. “If it bleeds, we can kill it” that sort of thing. Humanizing these big imposing evils by remembering that they are people, just like me, is the key to getting over my fear of them. The same problems I face are faced by them. How then can they be agents sent by an organization or monsters specifically created by the universe to torment me? We’re all just little dudes. Them included.

I hope with time I can learn to stop delighting in the hardships of others, even if these people are bad, have done bad things, or have done me wrong. It’s a toxic mentality to have those thoughts, even if it’s the fire I need to dig myself out of the pits I've fallen down into.

This year I “lost” a good friend of mine. Lili. I have no way of knowing if you are safe, if you have gotten better, and I refuse to entertain the alternative. You stopped coming online completely and I briefly received anonymous messages from a relative saying you were deathly sick, then nothing. I think of you every day and pray you are alright. I miss you a lot. I hope you’re happy and healthy wherever you are.

This year I had a friend have a cancer scare, and I lost someone I had grown to consider a friend at the beginning of spring to cancer in the summer. I don’t know how to process it. I don’t handle death properly. I've more so been numb and in denial of it. I’m afraid of losing people I care about. They’re the only good in the world to me.

I deny my own mortality, I joke about it, I crave it. But it comes into my mind when I’m trying to sleep too. Apparently I have just short of ten years left, if estimations about atrophy are to be believed. But I am not a statistic, I’m a person. I think “Since I am going to die soon anyways why couldn't I die instead of this person? Why couldn't I be in the hospital. This person deserves to live. They do good in the world. What will I do?” But at the same time, I think “How will I manage to live my dreams in just ten years. How will I have a full life? Maybe they’re wrong and I’ll be 100 years old when I am dead. But what if it is true and I’m just starting to live when it ends? What happens when it ends?” Every year pushes me closer to facing that, and I don’t know how. Once my metabolism slows, what will that mean for my heart? Will it be another fluke where “life finds a way” or will they be right this time? It scares me. It really does. My current plans are expecting that I will need mobility assistance devices then. I deny the expedited mortality. But I think about how I haven’t accomplished much and I feel a strong sense of loss.

Unfortunately, and probably a big reason for my downward spiral was that I set my hopes up for something this year that wouldn't happen, and didn't happen.

2018 Marked the 20th anniversary for Heart of Darkness, and I practically begged and pleaded to the universe, wished on every wishing star, and did everything short of selling my soul for a remake, sequel, art book, remaster, anything.

Needless to say, these efforts were in vain. I watched as other beloved games that I had fond memories of like Spyro and Crash got remastered, hoping and pleading that HoD would follow suit.

And it didn't.

I set myself up for disappointment, which ended up making me feel hopeless as the “Great Heart of Darkness Year” could never have turned out like I had wanted. My mentality for life is usually “expect the least, always be pleasantly surprised when something happens” but for this year I let optimism and hope fly a bit out of control, and sooner or later if it’s not met with real results it’s going to come crashing down.

I’m making it sound like the year was completely awful only made bearable by it also being awful for my mortal enemies, but that wouldn't be entirely true.

I got some really good art at cons, from friends, and just regular fan art that other fans have made and posted. I did get to do some fun things every once in a while, even if my seasonal depression has numbed them all in my mind right now. I’ll come back to this post and add them.

Right at the beginning of the year, (or was it the end of the last year?) I got to have a skype call with Eric. THE ERIC. And he complimented my Andy hat. I didn't post my write up about the call because I felt it wouldn't be fair to overshadow such a wonderful event with all the negativity that was happening at the time the post was finished. So I waited... and waited... and waited... and never did post it. Maybe I should rectify that. And rewrite the post because it was on my old laptop when it died OTL I felt bad because due to my inability to sleep at night I probably looked exhausted to Eric. I hope he didn't think I was bored. But he made HoD, and it’s blatantly obvious how closely I identify to Andy, so it’s likely he understood the reason I looked like a zombie. Sorry Eric. I was excited beyond belief inside. I just didn't let it out verbally for fear of being rude.

We did get to see the Saturn disc. It helped me retain some positivity after this holiday season drug me down into a dark hole.

Was it this year that I got my computer chair? It might not have been but I’m so thankful for how it saved my back and stopped my chronic pain from making it impossible for me to sit and draw that I’ll thank it anyway. Thank you chair.

I’m really grasping at straws but I know there were lots of things I just can’t remember now. I’ll add them later.

My friend Fishy(Rob) was absolutely incredible to me for the entire year. Offering great headcanons, compassionate support, words of encouragement, and donating to me to always ensure the HoD website stays online forever. For Christmas he also sent me Tiny, who I’d like to say has finally gotten along with Whisky stuffy and they can share my bed now no problem. I also report that I loved all the candy he sent me and it was all amazing and I’m now a fan of macadamia nuts. It’s because of Fishy that I didn't completely lose my passion for writing and drawing. I’m going to be posting my finished fanfic after I sleep this morning.

I mean it when I say that Fishy is one of the last great lighthouses shining in the horrible turbulent storm that is whatever the hell my existence has become at this point. Every day I think about how we are friends and it makes me feel happy.

This year I reconnected with my oldest friendship. My funky mushroom pal XP I hope we will get to visit again sometime soon.

I did try to remain close with my friends, but I feel I did drift apart from some friends. I know it’s not either of our faults, life happens, but I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. I just got tired all the quicker this year. Slow, tired, easily overwhelmed. Hopefully next year I can be energetic and close. That’s how I want to be.

My resolutions for this year are probably still the same or similar to last year but I forgot what they were.

Stop being so paranoid and obsessive and scared.

Don’t give up on creative endeavors

Maintain and strengthen my friendships

Get my service dog

Get medications. That’s really important.

Get to see doctors regularly. With my issues I should be seeing one once a month. I haven’t seen one in over a year.

Do things, eat things, see things more

L I V E

Stop taking everything so seriously.

Talk more to Fishy and my friends in general.

Stand up for myself, even to people who are in authority or who I trust.

Learn to let things go.

Make some great HoD stuff.

Don’t put off fun things like video games because I don’t feel I “deserve” them.

Permanently kill the part of me that delights in the suffering of others. I don’t know how, but I’m gunna try. I want to be pure again, and as much as I feel that that was stolen from me, it’s mine to reclaim and I've just gotta work hard for it.

Purity is a state of mind. I need to live that state of mind and realize that that will be infinitely more important than biting and lashing out in an effort to “avenge” it.

With that being said, I really do feel that a lot of my problems can be negated by having access to mental health specialists, doctors, medicine, fresh air, things to do, exercise, and more regular meals. I hope that the new year will bring more availability to these things as they will prove to be very important in improving my health and mood.

In closing, I am immensely grateful for my friends, for Heart of Darkness, for the people who made Heart of Darkness, for dogs, for art, for the internet (only sometimes, other times it’s a curse), for food, for iced tea, and for the good moments this year had because of these things. As always, thank you for the people who stayed with me despite this severe turbulence. I really cannot begin to thank you for your patience. Staying with me despite how I am shows a lot of faith that I still have a chance to improve and get better and live life on the right track. Thank you for believing in me. I’ll try not to let you down in 2019.

Love you all.

[itsiotrecords-blog]

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Don’t go looking too closely at any family, or you’ll find way more than you wanted. Every family has dirty laundry that they try to keep hidden from the rest of the world. The Obama family is certainly no exception to this rule. The difference is that they live their lives in the spotlight for all to see. As their time in the White House is coming to a close, all eyes are on this family. What will come of the Obama daughters? How will Barack and Michelle fill their days? More importantly, people want to know all the details that have been so closely protected over these last eight years. First family gossip has been of great interest to the public for generations. When news broke that Franklin Roosevelt was confined to a wheelchair, it shocked the world. Years after his Presidency ended, people were still talking about his and Eleanor’s affairs. People found the Kennedy family so fascinating that they kept making headlines well after their time in the White House. Let’s not even get started about Bill Clinton and his juicy secrets (that are not nearly as secret anymore!) The Obamas have their own share of gossip. That doesn’t mean it’s all laced with scandal either. But as the family leaves the White House, they’ll suddenly look a little more normal like the rest of us and then the fun begins. So here are 15 secrets about the Obama family that just can’t be kept quiet anymore.

#1 Smoking President Obama has stated that he has given-up his admitted vice of smoking cigarettes. The White House has stated constantly over the years that he has been free of tobacco. Most Americans don’t seem to have a major problem if he lights-up, because after all, being the President is the most difficult job in the world. But despite declaring his independence from cigarettes, there are still photographs that have suggested that he might not have kicked the habit as we have been led to believe. A photograph taken at the G-7 Summit looks like he may be holding a pack of cigarettes. It’s not definitive, but there have been rumors that the President still takes an occasional smoke break throughout his two terms in office. Now as he leaves the White House, we’ll probably have an opportunity to find out for sure. After all, boredom can lead to bad habits and without a job, he’ll probably just be lounging around the house, right?

#2 Malia Taking A School Break Malia Obama was just in elementary school whenever her family moved into the White House. Now, she’s graduating from high school and rumor has it that she’s beginning to get a little rebellious. Whether that’s true or not, she is reportedly taking a year off before starting college at Harvard University. Who knows what she’s planning for this year off. Is she going to backpack through Europe and “find herself” or study with the Dalai Lama in the mountains of Tibet? Who knows, but one thing is very clear…she feels that she needs a minute to take a breath. This doesn’t fall in the normal pattern of first family behavior, but then again, who’s to say what’s normal? Good luck with whatever you do Malia. Hopefully, this year will be just what you need.

#3 Malia and Sasha on Social Media One nightmare for President Obama must have certainly been related to his daughter’s access to social media as they’ve gotten older. Social media is dangerous enough for normal teenagers, but when you are the two most precious assets of the leader of the free world, it is downright terrifying. It’s believed that Malia and Sasha both have social media accounts, including Facebook and now Twitter. This is obviously not something that the White House publicizes because of the microscope these girls have lived under for the last eight years. Giving them a normal teenage experience is particularly difficult for the Obamas, but the President and First Lady have definitely done their very best. Good luck when they go off to college Mr. President, because it surely won’t get any easier.

#4 The Secret Service Taught Malia How to Drive The Obamas do everything they can to look and act like a normal family. The truth is that they are anything but normal. Things that most people take for granted, like teaching your kids to drive aren’t as simple for the President and First Lady. Michelle Obama admitted that she hasn’t driven herself in eight years. Because of security concerns, teaching her is out of the question for the Barack and Michelle. So the next best thing is to have the Secret Service do the teaching for young Malia. Sure enough, when the time came for her to learn, they gave her driving lessons. It was important to the President that she get to learn to drive like her friends for the purpose of keeping some normalcy in her life. I’m sure once the Obamas have moved out of the White House, there will be a few more opportunities to get into a normal life routine. I wonder if Malia remembers those days?

#5 Calendar Reject When at Harvard University, President Obama signed-up to be in a pin-up calendar. The selection committee was all females and I guess the long story made short is that the President got rejected. He never appeared in the calendar and apparently didn’t quite have what they needed in a male calendar model. The notion of a pin-up calendar is not what it used to be, but at the time the President was in college, it was a big deal! Lots of people have looked to President Obama as a great looking guy, but when I suppose he wasn’t quite what the ladies of the committee were needing. No doubt they are regretting the decision today. It’s okay Mr. President… there’s not a calendar in the world that would reject you now.

#6 Rusty Car The First Lady has shared some of the details of her and her husband’s early years. According to Michelle Obama, the President’s first car was quite rusty. In fact, the car was so rusty that it had a hole in the passenger side door. Certainly there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it just goes to show that President Obama was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He knows and understands what hardship is like. Anyone with a rusty hole in their car door most definitely understands sacrifice and delayed gratification. While he won’t be driving around in any rusty cars now, I doubt that he has forgotten the experience of his youth. I wonder if Malia and Sasha will have to drive a rust bucket for their first car.

#7 The Deportation President President Obama and the Democrats often get slammed for having a too relaxed concept of immigration policy. As it turns out though, the Obama Administration has deported or turned back more immigrants than any other President in United States history. This is shocking to many, because the assumption is that President Obama has been open and welcoming to all. This is simply not the case, with over 30,000 illegal immigrants turned away or deported each month. President Obama was able to secure our borders without building “The Great Wall of Mexico”. But without too much publicity and with many opportunities to extend citizenship, no one can say that the federal government has not been welcoming and fair to those that came into our country under less than legal circumstances.

#8 My Brother’s Keeper While not anything he’s kept from the public eye and certainly something he is passionate about, President Obama was adamant from the start of his presidency that he did not want to focus on any one particular race. The African American community started out and continued to believe that he would be the biggest step forward in race relations. But for years, Obama made it clear that he was not promoting the advancement of a race, but of all Americans. A few years back though, he and his wife did begin the initiative called “My Brother’s Keeper” that is aimed at helping young African American males get the support and chance at success that they deserve. He has stated recently that this will be a driving force in his post White House work.

#9 Renting Their Next Home The Obamas are going to be the first “First Family” to stay in Washington D.C. after leaving the White House in nearly 100 years! The reason they have made the choice to stick around is because of youngest daughter Sasha. They don’t want to take her out of school with only a couple of years left. So they made the decision to rent a little place in Kalorama, only a couple of miles away from the White House (also a rental… sort of). This little cottage is over 8,000 square feet with nine bedrooms that they’re renting from former Bill Clinton press secretary Joe Lockart. Most people just assumed that he’d be heading off to his Chicago home or perhaps somewhere completely new. But being the good parents that they are, they don’t want to uproot Sasha… again.

#10 Sasha’s Test Sasha Obama was very noticeably absent from her father’s farewell address in Chicago. This was a huge moment for the President and when his family joined him on stage, his youngest daughter was not present. Of course immediately, the internet went crazy asking where on earth she could be during this important speech? The truth is she had an exam at her school the following morning in Washington D.C. The school’s policy is that absence during testing due to travel is not permitted. This seems like a pretty unusual circumstance and one that should be overlooked by the school. But Sasha is a good student and the Obamas are certainly rule followers and rules are rules. So in one noticeable absence, Sasha Obama set the bar very high for any student absence in the country! Good job young lady.

#11 Michelle Dealt With Negative Teachers Michelle Obama grew-up in a household where money was scarce. When she told her teachers about her goals and ambitions, Michelle was told that she was setting her sights too high. To so many people, this seems almost criminal to stifle the motivation of any student. For many in her situation, this would likely have kept her dreams from becoming a reality, but for Michelle Obama, this drove her even more. She did what was necessary to qualify and attend a school for gifted children and then leveraged that to getting attending Princeton University and later Harvard Law School. She is one of the most driven First Ladies in history and today is an inspiration for countless millions. Imagine the damage those negative teachers could have done that would have changed the course of her life.

#12 Malia Interned on HBO’s Girls Malia is interested in becoming a filmmaker. When you’re the First Daughter, there are a few extra doors that open for you. She was able to spend three months interning on the HBO series Girls in New York City. This must definitely have been a nightmare for the Secret Service, who have to accompany her everywhere she goes. An agent has to watch any chef that prepares her food and agents are posted both inside and outside of restaurants. She doesn’t get to take the subway due to security concerns, but otherwise, it’s a pretty normal New York experience. Malia has been noted for her trendsetting style. New York City has definitely been a wonderful experience for her, providing some wonderful moments and opportunities for this aspiring young filmmaker and fashionista.

#13 Malia the Selfie Queen As much as the President and First Lady want to keep their daughters protected from the spotlight, there’s no getting away from them being two of the most influential teenagers in the world. With social media being utilized by both girls now, there’s more opportunity for the world to see what’s been shared. Malia has turned into something of a selfie queen over the last couple of years, posting pictures and videos. She’s taken selfies that show off her personal casual fashion choices, as well as some videos of her dancing and letting loose. Pictures are always taken of her by the paparazzi and there’s no denying that she is becoming a beautiful young woman with amazing style and fashion sense. It makes you wonder what are those college years going to bring for the First Daughter.

#14 Sasha’s Fast Food Internship It seems that Sasha Obama is the more grounded of the President’s daughters. While Malia is off interning for an HBO series in New York, Sasha is working at a fast food place in Martha’s Vineyard. She doesn’t seem to complain about this, but it certainly seems that the two are very different. Malia is a few years older and certainly Sasha has plenty of time to get the same kind of opportunities as her older sister, but the differences between the two are noticeable. Certainly, Sasha seemed to enjoy the opportunity to do some normal teenager stuff and even though the Secret Service were right there with her, it was probably a nice change of pace. Reportedly, the restaurant was a seafood place in Martha’s Vineyard. I’m sure business picked up a bit when folks figured out who was taking their order.

#15 Malia Has A Wild Side It has been reported that Malia has something of a wild side. This doesn’t mean that she’s a bad kid, but there do seem to be some wild oats to sew. It has been alleged that in September of 2016, the Secret Service had to escort her out of a party. The party was apparently so loud that the police were called and responded to the scene. Surely she was responsible and acted appropriately the whole time right? Either way, there seem to have been a few times where she was at a social gathering and needed to leave pretty quickly. This party in September was while the family was on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard, so who knows how big or crazy it really was. But I can’t imagine the President or Mrs. Obama wanting Malia in these kind of situations.

Source: TheRichest