#astarion's juicebox

[fandomjumper]

𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔦𝔞𝔱𝔞𝔯'𝔰 𝔖𝔢𝔯𝔳𝔞𝔫𝔱 ♥

[moonselune]

Announcement!

I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve just opened my very own Redbubble shop! ✨

It’s still in its early stages, as are some of the designs haha but I’ve uploaded a few things, and I’m really excited to share them with you all 💜

They are just silly things, but things I hope you might like. Every purchase helps me run this blog.

You can check out the shop and browse the designs here !

Thank you all so much for your continued support, it truly truly means the world to me and I love you all xox

-Seluney xox

Here are some of the designs below:

[gregoriaofnyssa]

Demystifying Female Romance

The basis of female romantic interest is relation-- it is autoerastisphillia. Love of oneself as the lover. This is the true explanation behind the tendency for “female centered” romantic media to have a bland female protagonist and a dynamic, interesting, and often pained male romantic interest. The typical explanation of this is that the female protagonist is supposed to be a blank slate for the female reader to relate to; the female fantasy is to be loved by a dynamic, interesting, rich, and pained man. I am sure there are some women who interact with romantic media in this way, but I am also sure this is not typical, at least not subconsciously. Instead, the bland as bread female protagonist is a conduit for the female reader to relate to and romantically embody the male love interest. 

I experienced this recently when I started playing BG3 recently. I’ve never felt like this about a fictional character before. My heart is inflamed. I think about Astarion, and I giggle like a child. But what is my real interest here? My interest is in myself. I realized I do not so much as have affection for Astarion, but rather I have a great deal in common with him. Our traumas could not be more similar unless I was kidnapped by something supernatural. I was abused; Astarion was abused. I had my body taken from me; Astarion had his body taken away from him. Horrible things were done and said to me; horrible things were done to Astarion. Astarion had his flesh cut into; I had my flesh cut into. 

I always thought fictional crushes were weird, especially when I was a child and my abuse was happening. But now I understand it. The great quality of art is that it allows you to be seen. Really seen. Validated. Only, this art had abs and a lovely voice. This art, and all art I love, makes me want to be a part of it. I love the art because I want to be it.

Autoastarionphillia. Love of oneself as Astarion. It is extremely strange, like much of the rest of female psychology. Masculinized female psychology is even weirded. Reflecting upon this, I recall when I was younger and my abuse was happening, I connected greatly to the character Killian Jones from the ABC show Once Upon a Time. I was enthralled by the relationship between him and Emma Swan, but I really had no interest in Emma. I have always related more to male characters in general, actually. I relate to many male characters more than most real women in my real life. As far as Killian goes, I related to his anger, his pain, and his hunger for vengeance. At the time, I almost didn’t know why I related so. It took me some reflection to realize what was being done to me.

My desire wasn’t so much for the character (it was especially not for the actor), but to be loved like he was, and redeemed like he was. The same is true for Astarion. I relate to his pain, intimately, and I relate to his anger. I wish I could’ve brought vengeance like Astarion will in this (and every) playthrough. I wish there would’ve been someone to pluck me from the horror of what was happening to me. I wish someone would’ve defended me. I wish someone was there to be my mirror. 

This is why the woman in virtually every romance novel (or movie, TV show, or videogame), is a dishwater blonde or brunette with a meek, unknowable personality. (Emma Swan was not like this by any means, but we should still consider why I still related to Hook more than her). This is so prominent that I can’t actually decide if I find Twilight so memorable because of Bella Swan the character, because of Kristin Stwert’s acting, or because of the zeitgeist around the saga in general. The very fact I’m having this debate in my head I take as proof she is not memorable.

There is no question, however, that Edward Cullen is memorable. He spawned more discourse and fandom than I can even imagine (Twilight is slightly before my day). Just think, a pained, superpowered vampire who sparkles. The men in these novels (Twilight is not the first and shall not be the last) are dangerous, powerful, emotional, eccentric, and relatable, and the women are self-described insecure and frumpy, and nothing else described. This is not a fault of the genre, but a feature. 

Male love-interests in romance fiction are, furthermore, usually pained in a feminine way. They are violated, abused, degraded, raped, beaten, and so on. These are means of suffering most common to women. Further, they often inflict self-wounds of hatred, vengeance-seeking, self-hatred, and self-blame. In women especially, these wounds fester. Women believe they are unlovable, and so does the love interest. Their psychologies, as love interests, are also more similar to women. 

Astarion is strong, funny, and capable in a way I wish I could be, but never will be. I wish I could be loved as I love him --as my character loves him. I wish I could be supported and corrected and held, I wish my shame could be refuted, I wish my ugliness could be seen as beauty. 

No matter how much I am loved, I will never feel it. I will never really feel my shame refuted, or my ugliness turned to beauty. So, I possess it vicariously, through someone who will. 

All this is to say I am Astarion’s juice box. Because I wish I could drink the beloved’s blood.

[morebird]

Time for a little death?

[loversandantiheroes]

Listen, I am an extremely sex positive person and there is little I like more than a good old fashioned "idiots fuck around and fall in love" smut fic, but I feel like there just isn't enough exploration of Astarion falling in love through feeding on Tav. Like, seriously, the man has been subsisting on rats and insects for two hundred years, and the first person he ever feeds on just...lets him do it? Willingly? I mean it's not exactly a surprise that Tav has to practically throw him off to get him to stop - it's not just that their blood is the best meal he's ever had, but he's never bitten anything with the intent to let it live before.

And then it has to go off the rails so fast for him if Tav lets him do it again. This man who has had everything stripped from him for so long now having this person who's willing to actually give him part of themselves to keep him fed and happy. Like, he outright tells you this is a gift you're giving him, one he surely did not expect to ever receive again, but now he's watching them stagger off to the healers in the morning for a lesser restoration before they even bother to stop at the fire for a cup of coffee, and all he can do is marvel at the sheer novelty of the situation, because to examine it closer, to really think about someone being selfless enough to give him what he needs for no other reason than that he needs it might send him into a spiral of paranoia.

And then for that to become habit. Coming to their bedroll as quietly as he can, learning to gentle his bite to something less feral, something more easily controlled. It's slower this way, careful and measured to make sure they don't wake, and he's sinking a little more into that embrace every night.

[preciouslittle-bhaalbabe]

This man has mastered the art of "fuck me" eyes and yes I would literally do anything he asked if he looked at me like this lol

[fangsandfeels]

Something I noticed in the post-bite dialogues

It's interesting how the option to tell Astarion that you don't mind him feeding on you if you give your permission first not only gives no approval, but Astarion also sounds so...fake in his enthusiasm. He isn't surprised, relieved, or intrigued. He is almost condescending. Ah yes, of coooourse. He is as insincere as when he was lying through his teeth about "the spirit of cooperation and mutual trust" when the group gathered to react to his vampire reveal.

Meanwhile agreeing with him on his "no innocents, enemies only" stance dons +5 approval, and he is actually pleased. Good talk.

I think, this difference in response is based on the real reason why he decided to taste Tav's blood in the first place. As we know, it wasn't hunger. It was testing his limits and checking whether he was truly free from Cazador's influence. So, he doesn't really need to feed from Tav anymore - he got his answer. It was the only thing he was after, and he is truly grateful Tav let him have it. He also had time to think his feeding policy through ("No innocents. You have my word.") because he anticipated Tav asking him about his new feeding habits. If Tav has no objections, Astarion is actually happy about it. He is accepted without prejudice and well...relieved it all went rather smoothly.

But if Tav says he can have their blood when they give their permission leaves him (at least initially) unimpressed and even rubs him the wrong way as he still revels in not needing permission to drink the blood of thinking creatures. Of course, Tav doesn't know that. They're just either being too kind for their own good (who would willingly endure the feeling of their life force seeping away and waking up with a sore neck every morning?) or they're actually a little freak, and they liked it. Astarion isn't exactly humored by the latter (as we see from Araj, he isn't happy about people romanticizing his vampiric side), but he can use that fetish to his advantage. Also, a free and willing meal isn't something he would refuse. That also explains his almost flirty responses whenever Tav tells him "You can feed on me tonight". He found his seduction angle and he is going for it.

[fishfingersandscarves]

slurp slurp

[marimosalad]

Don’t wake me up

Just leave me there dreaming…

[chaosishome]

Its been a while, here's my current mental state.

[yunexeli]

oh astarion.

the creases when you laugh

the way your hair curls around your ears

[frozenpizza14]

I love my murderouse babygirl

(Warning: blood)

He drank me dry once and i would totally let him do it again! KDDMNRRKRKENDIMINSANE

[vodkacheesefries]

This conversation you can have with Gale about Tara always makes me laugh because I generally somehow almost always have it at the tiefling party when he is trying his best to flirt with you at that point if your approval is high enough.

Anyway, Knox was unimpressed even if it is true.

[corvigae]

Another update of my Honor Mode run from the Discord last night:

[astarions-stupid-little-juicebox]

I absolutely had to share my brainrot. I never used tumblr before him but now I check every day and y’all’s posts give me life ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[batteredrugosa]

Just thinking about Astarion tugging you behind a tree out side of camp as you walk down to the water after dinner, sliding a hand into your hair and whispering something about dessert into your ear before sliding his lips down the length of your throat to hover over your pulse point and sample you.