#at least a little more managable lol. so like if i drew her in club penguins style again shed be more spotty | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maysbanks · 3 years

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dancing in the dark.

it’s been a hot minute and some of y’all will be surprised that this came from me as i’m very anti rafe but i’ve been in a drew mood for the past couple of weeks and this kinda came from that so enjoy lmao. also i’ll come back and put the read more on tomorrow sorry i’m lazy and wrote this on my phone lol (just imagine this an au kinda thing ok)

this includes rafe being sex on legs, oral sex (female receiving), swearing, mention of alcohol and drug use etc

you’re forced to go to midsummer’s by your friends and the night ends up unexpectedly with rafe cameron three fingers deep in you

“Do you think I should wear a bra with this?” You looked over to Kiara who was stood in front of her wide mirror littered with Polaroids of you and the gang, summer yellow dress held up to her half naked body as she assessed her appearance. Your eyes rolled, a heavy sigh emitting from your lips.

“I don’t know Kie, how about you not wear the dress at all and ditch the Kook fest and stay in with me?” You tried, (about your thousandth attempt at getting her to see sense and not force you to go to Midsummer’s with her), but all you got in return was another eye roll and laugh from your curly haired friend, who turned and sent you one of her signature ‘I’m very much done with your shit’ looks.

“We’re going,” she stressed, and you whined, throwing your body back atop her bed and holding a pillow over your face in silent protest. “Stop being such a baby and get over yourself. We’re all going, it’s not like I’m just feeding you to the lions.”

She had a point, but you refused to admit it. You’d be in a mood all night if it meant you were to attend Midsummer’s, which Kie was forcing all of you to go to. She was the only Kook in your group of friends, which meant she was the only one that attended the party every year, but this year John B was also invited along due to Sarah Cameron being his girlfriend (he’d protested just as much as you when he first found out), and Pope would be there anyway because him and his dad would be working there for the night with their barbecue, and so Kie had the bright idea to invite the remaining two of you along; you and JJ.

If you were throwing a hissy fit, then JJ would be ten times worse. You could just imagine him stomping his booted feet as he refused to put on the suit that John B forced him to rent, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d somehow managed to crawl out of a window and escape the desperate clutches of his best friend. The thought almost made you laugh out loud, but then you remembered you were in a mood and clamped your lips shut beneath the silky purple pillow you still held captive over your head.

“Please don’t make me go,” you pleaded. You grunted when a sudden weight landed on your abdomen, the pillow you were clutching wrenched from your hands and thrown across the room, your eyes landing on Kiara’s who frowned down at you from her position straddling your waist. (If anyone were to walk in then and there and see you both half naked on her bed you were sure you’d give them a heart attack.) “Please, Kie. I’m begging you.”

Kie sighed. “It’s one night, you can manage for one night ‘kay. I’ve been doing this practically my whole life and I’ve survived, so can you.” You groaned at her matter of fact tone, huffing when she shifted her weight and gripped your cheeks in her hands, effectively cutting off any whining you were about to do and squishing your face between her hands. “Now, shut up moaning, get off my bed, and get dressed. You look so hot, and you’re going to look even hotter in that dress.” Her face suddenly changed, the stern glare morphing into a cheeky grin. “Who knows, maybe your night will end up with you on your knees.”

“Ugh, Kie!” You groaned, shoving her off of you and trying your best to ignore her cackle that had your lips quirking upward. Sending her a quick glare, you eyed the dress she chose for you that was hanging on her wardrobe door. “Fine, I‘ll go. But I’ll be complaining the whole time.”

• • •

Turned out Kiara was right, you did look hot in your dress. It wasn’t often that you did dress up, being a Pogue in the Outer Banks there was never really any reason to, and it’s not like you could afford it anyway. You really didn’t want to know how much the dress you were wearing cost, the expensive feeling fabric enough to make you cringe. It was pretty, the emerald green a stark contrast to Kie’s light yellow, the smooth silk cooling you down in the humid summer evening. It was a deep plunge, the sides of your boobs mildly exposed enough to have people turning their heads or dipping their eyes down to catch a glance. The skirt fell mid length just a bit under your knees, but your legs were exposed nicely due to the slits on both sides that began at your mid thigh. With a pair of heels that you also borrowed from Kie’s wardrobe, you had to admit you looked the part and some more for an evening at Midsummer’s.

“Holy shit,” Pope breathed when he saw you, standing alone at the grill he would be tending to for most of the night. “You’re wearing a dress.”

“Nice observation skills, Caption Obvious,” you sassed, still in a bitter mood over your attendance at the event but feeling a little better with a beer in your hands. Your lips curled in mild disgust as you glanced around you, everywhere you looked a rich and stuck up Kook would be stood there, nursing their expensive cocktails and whiskey with the finest suits and dresses on as they made idle chat about where they’d be vacationing to and what newest model of car they’d just gotten. “I can’t believe I’m here. Midsummer’s sucks.”

Pope nodded in agreement to your statement, looking away from you briefly to flip over a burger sizzling on the grill. “Least you haven’t got it as bad as John B, Sarah’s been at him all day, making sure that he turns up. Poor guy has no idea what’s coming for him, spending the night talking to Ward and all his rich buddies.”

Just as Pope mentioned the man’s name, said man and his family appeared at the door of the country club, making their grand entrance as usual, all eyes turning to gawk as the Cameron family stride in, Ward and Rose in front (you tried not to stare too hard at the concoction atop the blonde woman’s head, it would hurt your eyes), Wheezie just behind them, grinning at the attention she was receiving, Sarah a little behind her, dragging along an embarrassed looking John B on her arm (you and Pope shared a look and snorted simultaneously).

Your eyes, however, upon returning on the Cameron clan, suddenly couldn’t look away from the person right at the back of the group, dragging his feet with a small frown on his pink lips and hands in his pockets as he ignored all extended hands held out for him to shake and instead assessed the crowd stood beneath him, as if looking for someone. You took the time to glance him over, appreciating the way his body looked in a light grey suit, black dress shirt beneath complimenting the outfit perfectly. You’d noticed his hair a bit ago, the times you’d crossed paths or seen him around town you couldn’t help but notice it - he’d stopped gelling it and wore the dark blonde strands freely, letting it flop on his forehead in a way you thought attractive. From the last time you’d seen him he’d obviously gotten in a fight (not surprising for his character), as he was sporting a bruised cheek on his right side. All in all, he looked fucking good. And you hated to admit it, because he was Rafe Cameron. And you were meant to hate Rafe Cameron.

When his light blue eyes landed on you though, all thoughts of that kind left your mind and all that was left was the ones that had you mentally undressing him. As if knowing your exact thoughts, his lips curled into a smirk as he stared you down, neither of you breaking the contact. That lasted a whole 56 seconds (were you counting?) before the trance was broken for you, and you were knocked on the shoulder by an aggressively big hand that belonged to JJ Maybank.

“I can’t fucking believe I’m here right now,” he whined in a high pitched voice, Kie on his other side rolling her eyes, Pope chuckling amusedly at his friend. You ignored them all, turning your head back desperately hoping that Rafe hadn’t moved in the few seconds you looked away, your heart hammering wildly in your chest when he realised no, he had not, and was still staring at you from across the lawn, this time his eyes swooping down your figure and taking you all in, a hand rested at his jaw and fingers dangerously close to his lips as he did. When he was finished, he caught your eyes again, this time sending you a wink and a smile when all you could do was stare back with parted lips. “Hellooo, is anyone in there?”

You turned briefly to JJ who along with Pope and Kiara was staring at you and sending you confused looks, and you swallowed as you questioned them, handing JJ the drink in your hands he requested and denying the offer of weed. The three sent you crazed glares when you refused, after all weren’t you the one that downright refused to attend and made a big deal out of it and specifically said ‘that somebody had better smuggle in some good booze and weed to get me through the night’. But all that had left your mind the minute your eyes landed on Rafe Cameron, and you had other ideas on how to get through the night - hopefully ending up with you sat on his dick.

When you looked back at where Rafe was stood, however, you were disheartened to see that he’d moved, and when you looked around the lawn to try and spot him you saw him stood in the midst of a conversation with Topper and Kelce, his mouth moving and his words directed at them, but his eyes still on you.

Your lips pulled into a small smirk as you decided waiting a while wouldn’t hurt, if it meant the night would end up how you wanted it to, which you were positive it would as Rafe licked his lips, slowly and purposely, his eyes dancing along your figure. You just hoped it would be soon, because you weren’t sure how long you could last without feeling his hands on you.

• • •

“Fuck, these heels are so uncomfortable,” you muttered, stood off to the side with the gang as you sneakily passed vodka disguised in a water bottle between the five of you, John B having escaped the clutches of Ward Cameron and his rich buddies to join you all in complaining and making fun of the festivities that Midsummer included.

“Take em off,” John B suggested with a careless shrug, yours and Kiara’s shared scoff at the possibility of it making him frown.

JJ grinned lazily, “Nah, nah, what she needs to take off is that dress,” he gestured to you, finger pointing accusingly at your semi exposed chest. “I mean, is there even any point in wearing anything? You might as well, y’know, liven up this party while you’re at it.”

“In your dreams, Maybank,” you rolled your eyes, taking a swig of the bitter alcohol when Pope passed it to you, ignoring JJ’s return of ‘oh trust me, it will be’. “I have other plans on how to liven up this party anyways, for me, at least.”

Kie’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?” She voiced the gang’s thoughts, waving a hand in dismissal as the alcohol was offered to her, holding a hand on her stomach to show that she’d had enough and felt sick. You just grinned cheekily, taking a hit of the vodka next when Pope also refused.

As if he knew exactly what you were just talking about, a voice suddenly sounded from somewhere behind you, the distinct attractiveness of it causing your head to turn and your eyes to meet Rafe’s as he stood a bit away from you and the gang, hands once again in his pockets of his slacks as he seemingly ignored the rest of your friends, eyes only on you. A smile made its way onto your face without you even realising, and it was as if John B had been shot right in the stomach when he came to the realisation, a loud groan of protest leaving his mouth.

“C’mon, you can’t be serious,” he practically pleaded, the remaining three of your friends still clueless and confused as to what was going on as they chorused their questions. You ignored them all, shoving the near empty bottle into John B’s hands and sending the guys a wide smirk and wink before you turned on your heels and made your way towards where Rafe was seemingly waiting, a smug smirk on his own pretty pink lips. “Oh my god, she is! She actually is!”

You were too far away by the time you made it to Rafe to hear exactly what your friends were saying, but you were close enough to hear their collected groans of disgust and exclaims of protest when John B had finally explained what was happening. You payed no mind, even when JJ shouted after you in warning, your feet landing you right in front of Rafe. The dirty blonde swiped his tongue over his teeth as he took you in so up close, his eyes glistening under the shine of the fairy lights hung up all over. He stared at you for what felt like an eternity before he glanced over your shoulder, taking note of your foul faced friends.

“Seems like they don’t want you to come with me,” he spoke in a low voice, the rumble of it so close to you and the suggestion of his words sending shivers down your body and right to your core.

You shrugged simply. “I don’t really give a fuck.” You informed him promptly, your words making a grin form on his face.

“Then let’s go, baby.” You wasted no time in taking his outstretched hand, letting him lead you away from the crowd and out towards the back. You had to put your full trust in him then, you had no idea as to anything about the country club, had no possible clue as to where he was taking you, but you found no issue in trusting him, the need for him to fuck you senseless the only thing staying in your mind.

It was when you landed in a hallway upon entering the building from a back door when he let go of your hand and instead raised them to your face, pulling you close to his body and your head near his as he pressed his lips against yours with a certain kind of desperation you’d never felt before. You gasped into his mouth at the intensity of it, hands moving to grip his hair between your fingers as he backed you up and pressed you flush against a wall, his knee resting between your legs.

When he pressed it slightly against you, you couldn’t do anything else but moan into his hot kiss, heavy rasps of breath escaping your chest. Rafe pulled back slightly, cheeks flushed and lips cherry red, his pupils dilated and staring you down. He did the same action, watching you this time, and when you moaned just a little bit louder and threw your head back to bang against the wall, your hands gripping his shoulders tightly, Rafe let out a low groan. “You’re so fucking hot,” he mumbled as he pressed up against you once more, hands at your hips and bundling your dress between his large digits, causing the fabric to ride up your legs just a little. “Dressed up all nice, your tits fucking perfect and practically pooling out, you like the attention on you don’t you, baby?”

You never thought you did until now, but you weren’t about to tell him that, simply nodding your head at his words in an attempt to make him kiss you again with those beautifully sinful lips. Rafe did no such thing though, instead looking to you with those pretty blue eyes as he gripped the dress tighter in his palms, the fabric moving higher, exposing more and more, his thigh pressing to you again. You let out a whine at the feel of it, lips parting in pleasure at his actions. “Let me hear you say it, baby. Say you like the attention.”

“I like it,” you gasped out, desperate for him to do something, anything, even in this dimly lit hallway where anyone could catch the both of you. “I like it so fucking much, Rafe. I like the feel of eyes on me, especially yours.”

Rafe moaned low in his throat, one hand moving to grip your jaw as he kissed you, lips moving open with yours and slipping his tongue in your mouth, the grip he had tightening ever so slightly the more time that went by. You had no idea when he'd picked you up, forcing your legs around his waist and pressing you further into the wall, his lips leaving yours to leave hot, open-mouthed kisses along your neck, chest and shoulders. You almost lost it completely when he trailed further down, following the plunge of your dress and kissing the space between your tits, sucking ever so gently. “Fuck, Rafe,” you moaned when his body seemed to go down with his head, ending up with you practically sitting on his squatted knees as he gripped your sides with his large palms, holding your body to him tightly as he continued his trail of warm and wet kisses on your exposed skin.

Rafe allowed his tongue to lick a stripe of your exposed tit on your left side, the whine that emitted from your lips at his sinful action echoing in the hallway. Rafe pulled his head back from you, eyes blown wide as he looked to you. “Fucking Christ, do you wanna get caught baby?”

At the half-assed shake of your head, too desperate to feel his mouth back on you, his hands trailed down your body and instead clutched your ass, holding you possessively to him as he straightened his knees and stood straight, a gasp emitting from your lips when he did so and caused friction right to your pussy at the movement. Rafe seemed to realise what he did at the same time you did, and the moan that left his own mouth was one you never wanted to forget. “Fuck, let’s get you out of here.”

The best place available in the country club turned out to be the family bathroom. You had no time to dwell on how big the space was, almost as big as your entire living room in your house, before you were set down on the marble counter and pulled back to Rafe’s mouth once more. You wasted no time in returning his hot kiss, your hands at the back of his neck as his slid under the slits of your dress and clutched your thighs for a few seconds before trailing higher and landing one hand over your thin panties, cupping your pussy.

“Fuck me,” you moaned loudly. Rafe grinned against your lips, pearly white teeth clashing with your own.

“That’s the plan, sweetheart,” he mumbled against you and you panted as he started to move down your body, peppering kisses along your body on his way, before he landed between your legs, his palms on your knees as he kneeled on his own. “Open your legs,” he demanded and you did as asked with no hesitation, causing him to chuckle darkly. “Needy aren’t we, baby?”

Of fucking course you were, you wanted to say. You’d been waiting for this all night, you wished to speak. But you bit your tongue, not wanting to delay any action any further. When you didn’t answer, however, Rafe tugged on the back of your knees slightly, causing your ass to slip from the counter a little bit, your pussy more exposed and closer to his face as he awaited your response. “Yes, Rafe! I’m fucking needy.”

“Good girl,” he cooed, and you whined lightly when he blew on your core, goosebumps forming on your skin. Rafe bundled your dress in his warm palms, moving it so it was above your hips and you were fully on show to him, your white lace panties completely soaked through. Rafe groaned at the sight, looking at your pussy like it was water and he hadn’t had a drink in days. “So fucking wet,” he muttered, more to himself than you, and you weren’t sure if he wanted an answer to that but he didn’t wait for one anyway, pulling your panties down your legs and throwing them carelessly behind him. “I’ve been waiting for your pretty pussy all night.”

“Oh god,” you moaned when his fingers trailed along you, large digits on either side of your clit as he pressed them together and grinned when you screamed at the friction. You watched as his dirty blonde head went between your thighs, and felt his hot mouth on you not a second later. He was so fucking good, you thought, you never wanted this to end even though it had only just started, not wanting to waste another minute of your life without Rafe Cameron between your thighs.

His tongue was leaving long trails, and he flattened it out against you making you shiver. One hand left your knee to grip the back of your calf as he slipped his tongue in your pussy, your head banging against the mirror behind you. His fingers followed after, his tongue leaving you only to be replaced by his long digits as you moaned helplessly from above him, one hand gripping the counter while the other tugged on his hair. When you pulled particularly hard on the strands, he would hum against you and it would send a whole new wave of pleasure throughout your body that you had to stop yourself from screaming too loudly every time.

You could distinctly hear the beat of the music coming from the party occurring outside, the beginning of Bruce Springsteen’s smooth voice hitting your ears as he sang along to Dancing In the Dark, before the sound was replaced by your own scream as Rafe entered a second finger into your pussy, his tongue sucking on your clit simultaneously.

Everything was too much and you weren’t sure how much more you could take, feeling the familiar build of light pressure in your belly as you managed to rasp out, “Rafe, I’m gonna cum,” into the room, and you weren’t even sure he heard you before he pulled his face away, his fingers moving at a perfect rhythm and pace still within you.

“Hold it, baby,” he was saying, blue eyes staring up into your own as you shook your head in a silent plea, begging to be able to let go. The hand that wasn’t fucking you reached up under your dress and found your tit, fondling it in his palm and lightly squeezing your nipple between the rough pads of his fingertips. “C’mon baby, just a second. You think you can take another finger?”

You were practically seeing stars already, your orgasm right there within reach, but you nodded despite yourself, wanting this wonderful feeling to never end. Rafe smiled as he moved his head in closer again, pressing a kiss to your clit as he mumbled, “That’s my girl,” into you before adding another finger as promised, three fingers deep in your cunt.

The feel of his fingers fucking you, his mouth upon you, the excitement of the night and thrill of the possibility of getting caught in the bathroom at the country club, mixed with the thud of the music and low groans from Rafe was evading every one of your thoughts and you couldn’t think clearly, you weren’t even sure what you were doing, but you knew that you were begging, praising, screaming into the thick air that the pair of you had created. Rafe’s head was still buried deep between your thighs, and the sight of him down there could have ended you in itself.

“Cum for me, baby,” the vibration of his voice on your cunt had you gasping, fingers knotting in his hair as your spine curled so much that your forehead was pressed against the cool glass of the mirror you were seated against, shoving your pussy further up into his mouth and effectively causing his fingers to curl beautifully inside you. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let go.”

It hit you like a train: your vision blurred, your chest heaved, your stomach clenched, and your legs and arms turned to jelly. Throughout it all Rafe still remained there, fingers buried in you and riding out your orgasm with you. His mouth detached from your pussy and he chose to watch you come undone by him instead, his cherry red lips parted in amazement as he watched you scream from above him. You gasped as you felt his fingers leave you, opening your eyes to watch him take the soaked digits into his mouth and suck them clean, a moan of approval leaving his mouth at the taste. You had no time to register him going back in, his mouth back on your pussy and licking you clean of your cum, a loud and needy whine falling past your lips at the sight.

When he pulled back, a satisfied smile upon his glistening lips, he wasted no time in leaning up and pressing back against you, one arm curling round your back and pulling you flush against him, the other in your hair as he kissed you, the taste of you on his tongue.

“I think you should come to Midsummer’s more often,” he mumbled, and you smiled against his lips, legs wrapping around his waist and heels pressing to his ass causing him to rub against your exposed core.

“If it’s gonna end up with me getting fucked by you in the bathroom every time, then I don’t see why I should complain.” You cheekily taunted, your own lips moving along his jaw.

Rafe growled low in his throat, his blue eyes catching his reflection in the mirror behind you, watching as you sucked on his neck. He grinned to himself, a hand palming your ass as he watched.

“How about I fuck you right now against this counter and make you watch, huh?”

(Fuck, maybe Midsummer’s wasn’t so bad as you originally thought after all.)

#outerbanks rafe #rafe x you #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron imagine #rafe smut #rafe obx #outer banks x you #outer banks imagine #outer banks x reader #outer banks #obx imagine #obx fic #drew starkey

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holidaywishes · 4 years

Text

I Get It Now

Requested: 🙅‍♀️

Summary: "I never understood why all those people in movies and T.V. shows would get so bent out of shape when they found out their dead beat parent had a new life. After years of never seeing them. Like, I guess I thought they should just be happy that they’re better... But, seeing him, like that? I get it...”

Warning: angst, drama, jealously, implied sex but no actual smut

Author’s Note: So... I was re-watching the Good Place a little while back and wept when Eleanor found her mom finally being the mom that she always wanted -- to someone else. Cut to: last week and, for some reason, I had the idea to write something about Tyler with this idea in mind. That he was always capable of change but that (Y/N) just wasn’t worth changing for... So much angst! I’M SO READY TO WEEP Y’ALL! Hope you are too! It’s a little long but oh well! It also didn’t quite turn out like I imagined it would but I hope you get at least a little bit weepy! That’s the goal anyway, lol. ENJOY!

masterlist

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“It’s over” you texted knowing full well that you’d be back in his bed before too long but you needed to at least say you sent the words to Tyler so you could lie to your friends about how you ‘tried to get over him’

“Good.” He sent back and you threw your phone onto your mattress, watching as it landed on the corner and flew somewhere in your room before the sound of the fragile screen breaking was all you could hear. “Shit” you thought to yourself, hoping that the phone still worked, coming face to face with Tyler’s last message when you unlocked your phone and let out a sigh of relief. You started a few texts that night but never sent any to the Stars’ Centre, choosing to ultimately silence your phone and try to fall asleep.

“Oh my god, you’re still here!” Daniel joked as he let himself into your apartment the next morning

“I don’t work today...” you replied, groggily, sitting up as your friend rummaged through your closet

“Oh, that’s not what I was referring to...” he laughed, “Olivia and I had a bet going of whether or not you would’ve slunk back over to Seguin’s place last night. I lost. I owe her $20.”

“You guys don’t get it...” you argued, throwing a small pillow at his back, “this has been going on for years. The will they won’t they thing? It’s all foreplay”

“You’re delusional” he turned his back just to scowl at you before Olivia busted through the front door herself

“She’s still here! You owe be $20, D!” she yelled and you groaned at the two of them before throwing your blanket over your head

“I’m not delusional!” you called out but the words were muffled by the fabric in front of your mouth, causing your friends to ask you to repeat yourself, “I’m not delusional!” you huffed as you flung the blanket off of you and made your way to your kitchen

“Is this about Tyler?” Olivia asked Daniel

“Who else? What else?”

“Of course you’re delusional” she snarled

“Why?”

“Do you really think he’s going to stop being the party boy that you’ve known for years just because you love him?” She asked snidely

“Whoa whoa whoa, no one said anything about love.”

“So you’re not hopelessly in love with the guy?” Daniel chimed in from your bedroom, where he was still going through your closet for some reason

“Of course not!”

“So... you don’t have a separate ringtone and text tone for him that wakes you up in the middle of the night more than anyone else’s?” Olivia added

“I have separate sounds for everyone. It’s how I know to completely ignore the two of you when I’m hungover”

“Har har” Daniel said snidely

“That doesn’t prove anything” you replied

“Fine. If you’re not in love with him, why are you wasting so much breath on him?” Olivia asked

“The sex is good”

“That’s it?!” Daniel screeched, finally coming into the room to complain to you, “the sex isn’t even great? it’s just good? It should be AMAZING for you to talk about this guy as much as you do.”

“Unless you’re in love with him..”

“Why would I be in love with him? He’s not capable of love. I don’t want love right now. I want to have fun. He wants to have fun”

“Oh bullshit” Olivia yelled and you rolled your eyes

“Come on, guys. I don’t need all this shit right now... I--”

“You say he’s not capable of love?” Daniel interrupted, “do you think that you’re not capable of love?”

“I don’t need love from anyone other than me right now. I’m in my twenties, a time for me to be inexplicably selfish, okay?”

“(Y/N)! COME ON!” Olivia scoffed, falling against the back of the chair where she sat, “everyone needs love. Especially in their twenties. This guy is a fuckboy and you need more than a stupid, fucking fuckboy. I mean, for one night they’re fine. But any more than that? It’s just...”

“Sad” Daniel finished her thought, leading Olivia to snap her fingers and point at him and you scoffed at the two of them

“Whatever” you said

“Look, babe, all we’re trying to say is that you deserve better. Because, deny it as much as you want, you want to love. You want to be loved. And I don’t think Tyler’s gonna be the one to give it to you.” Daniel said

“He could be...” you tried and they both gave you a look that you knew meant they thought you were wrong, “listen, how ‘bout this? I’ll present him the idea of us being... a couple, and if he doesn’t go for it then I’ll end things.”

“Oh you will, will you?” Olivia laughed, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

You were as shocked as anyone that Tyler had heard you out and agreed to give the whole dating thing a shot. Yet, there you were, on your one year anniversary with him and you felt like you had finally found what you were looking for.

“What’s wrong?” Tyler asked you when he noticed you seemed to be in your own world

“What?” you said before snapping back to him, “sorry. Yeah, I’m fine...”

“Not what I asked”

“What did you ask then?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine, I guess I’m just a little distracted...”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just am...”

“Can I do something?”

“No,” you smiled before grabbing his hand from across the table, “I’m sorry. I’m here with you.” He returned your smile and rubbed his thumb across your hand as the two of you continued your date night. As the night drew on, Tyler suggested that the two of you go dancing, an activity you reluctantly agreed to since you could only imagine where the night might go if either of you had too much to drink.

“You’re beautiful” he whispered in your ear as the two of you danced close to each other

“You’re not so bad yourself” you smiled as your hand crept up to the back of his neck so your fingers could tangle in his hair

“Can you believe we’ve lasted an entire year?” He asked, earning a scoff from you and you shook your head

“Only a little bit” you chirped and he squeezed your sides, forcing a squeal to escape your lips. The song ended and you took Tyler to the bar for a few shots before you noticed the stares of nearly every girl at the bar following him around, leading you to look him up and down before eventually turning your body toward him, “I really, really, really, really, really, really like you” you sung at him and he leaned in to kiss you

“Wanna go somewhere?” he asked and you nodded as seductively as you could manage. The two of you began walking to the cabs outside but when you nibbled at his neck playfully, he changed course and took you into the bathroom; locking the door as soon as both of you were in. He kissed your neck feverishly as he directed you to the cold bathroom counter where you were met by damp paper towels and a small puddle of water

“Ugh!” you let out a grunt as you tried to wipe away the water from the thin fabric of your sleeve

“Just leave it,” Tyler whispered as he lifted you onto the counter to continue kissing your neck, “it won’t be on you for long.” You laughed at his suggestion, continuing to kiss his lips and feel his fingers caress your skin, slowly, gently, until he couldn’t take it anymore. When the two of you exited the room, rather indiscreetly, you felt... cheap, and the feeling didn’t go away when he tried to continue his actions in the cab ride home.

“I need to get out of this dress” you complained the second you stepped foot through Tyler’s front door

“Yes. Yes. I like that idea very much” he smiled, inching his hands closer to you in an attempt to help you

“Not what I meant. I feel gross in it after that bathroom...”

“Let me help you” he laughed

“I’ve got it thanks.” You snapped and he stepped back

“Hang on, did I do something?”

“Aside from fucking me in a dirty club bathroom?”

“I’m sorry.. I didn’t really see you rejecting me?”

“I’m not saying I didn’t want to have sex with you, I guess I just thought you would have the diligence to wait until we got back here...” you argued before the dogs started circling the two of you, barking when each of you raised your voices

“Usually, it would be considered a compliment for a guy not to be able to keep his hands off his girl”

“Tyler...” you rolled your eyes, letting out a deep sigh, “why can’t we just be respectful in public?”

“Respectful? How are we not being respectful?”

“I guess I just mean classy...”

“Oh classy..” he scoffed, “I get it. So, you want to go hang out a country club event and be bored out of our fucking minds just so you can rub elbows with, what? the Ultra-Elite?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” you rolled your eyes once more, “I don’t care where we go. We could go to a dive bar in every fucking city we go to. I’m not talking about a classy event or place. I’m just saying, you know, maybe we don’t have to fuck in the bathroom at whatever place we end up at”

“Alright,” he scoffed, turning his back to you to grab a glass of water, “maybe we should just call it a night, huh?” You grabbed your phone and ordered an Uber, convinced that’s what he wanted for the night, before storming away from him. All you could think to yourself was how much you hated that the night was ending this way.

Tyler’s P.O.V.

What a way to end your one year anniversary with (Y/N). You knew she was expecting you to follow her out after she stormed out of your house but you just weren’t having it for the night; so you let her leave without saying anything more. It wasn’t like you intended to have sex in the club bathroom but she was whispering in your ear and the many, many, tequila shots you’d both done that night were playing keep away with your better judgement but this was not how you saw the night ending. With your girlfriend storming out and you diving face first into your pillows. Alone.

“I’m sorry” you texted the next morning, sending a follow up when she didn’t answer, “I was drunk. I wasn’t thinking straight...” Still no answer so you rolled your eyes before falling back into the couch, shooting up when you heard your phone ding

“Whatcha up to tonight?” Brett texted, forcing you to sigh

“Nothing...”

“Wanna get drunk and flirt with some chicks?”

“Dude... I can’t” you replied

“Why not? Mike’s got the whole thing set up. He’s got VIP passes for Posty and there will be a buffet of girls for us to choose from. Come on, Ty.”

“Come on, Brett, you know I’m with (Y/N)”

“That’s not serious”

“Uhh.. yeah. Yes, it is.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really. We just had our one year anniversary last night. Thanks for caring”

“If it’s so serious, where is she? Why do you have no plans tonight?”

“We’re both hungover. Plus, I gotta train still. For, you know, my job...”

“You got drunk last night? On your anniversary?”

“We had some celebratory shots”

“Have some more.”

“Brett”

“Tyler”

“I’m serious”

“Not about her you’re not”

“Very funny”

“I’ll be over at your place at 6 to pick you up”

“I’m not going”

“Sure. See you then.” You rolled your eyes at Brett’s disregard for your refusal of his invitation, huffing at the fact that (Y/N) still hadn’t responded to you. You checked your phone more than you thought than you ever thought you would and it was starting to drive you insane, so much so that you told Brett that you’d changed your mind, “Yup. Pick you up at 6.”

Your friends told you that they saw something on Instagram about Tyler hooking up with some girl at an after party with Mike. You wanted it to shock you but it really didn’t. That didn’t stop you from yelling at Tyler about it though

“YOU WOULDN’T TALK TO ME!” he yelled back

“SO?! YOUR SOLUTION IS TO GO AND HOOK UP WITH SOME RANDOM CHICK AT A RANDOM PARTY?!”

“WE WERE JUST HAVING FUN!”

“ARE YOU NOT DENYING THAT YOU CHEATED ON ME?”

“I DIDN’T CHEAT!”

“TYLER! YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE ‘JUST HAVING FUN’ WITH THIS CHICK”

“YES! ALL OF US, AT THAT PARTY, WERE JUST HAVING FUN”

“OH MY GOD!!” you rubbed your temples in frustration, “Why wouldn’t you try to warn me?”

“There was nothing to warn you about” he said, calming his voice so he could actually speak to you

“Except the fact that there were pictures everywhere of you with this chick. And you looking exceptionally drunk as she led you around”

“Nothing happened”

“How do I know that?”

“You’ll just have to trust me”

“Given the way we started,” you scoffed, crossing your arms across your chest, “do you blame me for having a hard time believing you?”

“That’s not fair...”

“Fair or not, Ty, you went out with these people and didn’t tell me. You followed around a girl all night, got photographed with her and didn’t tell me. So I couldn’t prepare myself for the inevitable questions I was going to get from my friends”

“It’s not my fault your friends are so consumed with gossip sites!” his voice was beginning to rise once more but you just stood in front of him with your arms crossed, trying to keep your voice steady

“What are we even doing, Tyler?” you asked abruptly and he stepped back

“What do you mean?”

“Do you actually want to be in a relationship? Or are you just wasting my time?”

“Me? Wasting your time?” he questioned, and you nodded as your eyes grew wide, “Oh please. You’re getting exactly what you want from me. You didn’t want to be a booty call anymore, you’re not. You wanted to be a couple, we are. I’m being forced to drop everything for you, at every turn, and chase after you whenever you get pissed and run off; like you did the other night”

“All you want is a booty call, Tyler!” you shouted, dropping your arms finally and stepping toward him as he turned to walk away, “I asked you if you wanted to try dating but I guess I should’ve made it clear that I also meant ‘no booty calls from other girls,’ I thought it was obvious but maybe not!”

“I DIDN’T HOOK UP WITH THAT GIRL! I DIDN’T HOOK UP WITH ANYONE!”

“BUT YOU WANT TO!” you yelled and it forced him to furrow his brow at you, “YOU WANT THE OPPORTUNITY TO HOOK UP WITH EVERY GIRL YOU CAN. YOU WANT THE CHANCE TO GO OUT AND GET DRUNK WITH YOUR FRIENDS WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AT PRACTICE THE NEXT DAY! YOU DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP!”

“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”

“I THINK IT IS!”

“OF COURSE YOU DO! BECAUSE THAT MEANS THAT YOU’RE NOT IN THE WRONG HERE! THAT I’M THE VILLAIN!”

“I’M NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU THE VILLAIN?!”

“YOU DON’T WANT ME EITHER!” he finally admitted and you felt your eyes start to water

“Of course I want you” you whispered

“YOU WANT WHAT I CAN GIVE YOU. WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU BUT THAT’S IT”

“No--”

“YOU SURE AS HELL DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME!” he continued to yell while you stood silently in front of him, your arms wrapping around yourself in an attempt to comfort yourself, “IF YOU DID, YOU’D TRY HARDER TO MEET ME HALF WAY!” You were at a loss for words because you didn’t see a way that this argument would end and leave your relationship with Tyler in tact, so you stood in front of him with tears falling down your cheeks before you could wipe them away so Tyler didn’t see. You tried to think of something to say but everything that came to mind just felt like something to fill the air, when Tyler spoke up again, “I’m sorry,” he said softly but he didn’t move from where he stood, “I shouldn’t have yelled like that...”

“It’s my fault...” you replied, “I.. I guess I didn’t think you felt that way. I shouldn’t have yelled at you”

“I guess I should’ve handled the situation differently”

“Maybe we should’ve talked about all of this sooner...”

“Maybe...” he slid his hands in his pockets sheepishly as your eyes dropped to the floor

“This is it, isn’t it?” you said, biting your lip before he answered, “we’re done?”

“I think so...” he replied, catching your eyes when you finally lifted your head and you nodded to yourself to stop the tears from falling.

“Alright..” you smiled before inhaling sharply and turning on your heels, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go this way...”

“Me either,” Tyler responded, following you to the door, “but I think it’s best we end it now...” You smiled sadly at his admission before pushing yourself up to lay a soft kiss to his cheek

“For what it’s worth,” you said as you lowered your feet back on the ground, “I think I really did love you...” He smiled at you and kissed your forehead but didn’t say anything more; leaving you to walk to your car and ride back to your apartment with no sense of closure.

Six Years Later

Tyler’s P.O.V

She came out of nowhere. Honestly. One second, you were swiping on every girl in a 5 mile radius on Bumble, the next you had found yourself quarantining in Dallas with this girl that you were only casually seeing six months earlier. After (Y/N), you told yourself you were just going to focus on your game and that dating wasn’t an option but that didn’t mean that finding someone wasn’t something you wanted. You really were tired of being lonely.

“I’m so proud of you, babe,” she texted when Dallas became the Western Conference Champions, “you’re gonna win. I can feel it.” You smiled at her words and felt an incredible sense of calm rush over you; a feeling you’d never quite experienced before.

“Don’t jinx it!” you wrote back, followed closely by a crying laughing emoji

“I would never!”

“I love you” you smiled as you sent your confession to her, not registering that it was the first time you had ever said it, to anyone, and really meant it

“I love you, too.” You were called to practice after that and had to end the conversation there but, for some reason, it made you think about your relationship with (Y/N) and you wondered where she might in her life now

“Ty!” Jamie called to grab your attention while you finally made your way to the ice. You continued to think about your past relationships, and how they changed you for the relationship you’re in now, but one face kept popping into your mind that left a sinking feeling in your gut. You missed (Y/N) but the two of you weren’t right for each other. Not for the time that you were with her. Not for the time that you met. Not since she practically followed you from Boston to Dallas and knew your reputation more than she knew you. But the feeling that you got left you concerned about what she might think about you now if you were ever to run into her when you went back home.

You had been watching the insanity of the 2020 Stanley Cup Playoffs even though your friends tried to convince you that watching Tyler play was too painful

“It’s been six years” you argued

“Yeah it has,” Daniel started, “so tell me why you still follow him on Instagram?”

“Or Snapchat” Olivia added

“Or why you decided to follow his girlfriend’s Tiktok?”

“YEAH!” Olivia’s girlfriend, Penny, shouted from the kitchen and you laughed

“You’re just making yourself miserable” Amanda said from the table as you sat down across from her

“I’m not!” you scoffed before rolling your eyes at the people in front of you, “I’m not making myself miserable. I’m allowed to keep track of..”

“Are you though? I would never NEVER keep track of an ex” Daniel asked

“And let’s be real,” Amanda added, “you were always more of a hook up to him than a girlfriend”

“Whoa, that’s harsh. We dated for a year...”

“Yeah, but, he was still in his ‘party boy’ phase” she said

“So...?” you furrowed your brow

“So...” Daniel continued Amanda’s thought, “he’s different now. The ‘relationship’ you had with him was more fun than serious. The one he’s in now? that’s the serious one.”

“Whatever...” you huffed, dismissing them and changing the topic, “I’m happy they’re doing well in the playoffs”

“What?” Daniel and Olivia said, catching glimpses of each other as the words left their mouths

“They had a rough start but they’re still playing well... Even still, Tampa will probably win,” they all looked at you with confusion, “what? Overall, they’re the better team!”

“(Y/N)...” Penny said gently, “you don’t even like Tampa”

“I mean they’re not my team, but they do have talent on their team...”

“You just don’t want Tyler to win...” Amanda replied, trailing off as she finished her sentence

“What?” you exclaimed, feigning shock, “that’s not true”

“No, it’s not about Tyler,” Olivia added, “it’s about his girlfriend.” You looked up to see your friends’ expressions and you tried to argue it but Daniel stopped you before you could, explaining Olivia’s point further

“She doesn’t want Dallas to win because that means Tyler’s new girlfriend gets to date a ‘Stanley Cup Champion,’” he almost teased, “somehow you think she’s not worthy of it”

“That’s not true!” you raised your voice at him, “besides, he’s already won the cup. She’s already been dating a Stanley Cup Champion. So was I”

“Yeah but not freshly. You never got to see the Cup, hold it, or touch it or whatever...” Olivia said

“Does it matter? It wouldn’t mean anything to me, I didn’t win it. He did. The same goes for this new girl, it’s not her trophy, not her win. It’ll be his”

“So.. you do think they’ll win?” Daniel asked, leading you to finally stand up

“Sure. They’ve got as good a chance as ever, I guess,” you admitted before making your way toward your bedroom, “but Tampa is Tampa... they always manage to win.” Before anyone could argue with you about your bouncing back and forth, or about what your words meant, you escaped into your bedroom and closed the door behind you. It didn’t take long for someone to open your door but you were surprised to see Penny standing at the foot of your bed instead of Olivia or Daniel, “Penny? what are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you,” she smiled at you, noticing you wipe away a stray tear, “I could tell there was something more going on. Something that wasn’t being said...”

“Yeah what’s that?”

“That you still love him”

“Yeah that’s pretty obvious, Penny. I never stopped loving him, but thanks for your insight”

“All I meant was that there’s something you don’t want Livy or Danny to know. Even if they can see it from a mile away”

“That something being that I’m still in love with the guy who broke up with me a couple days after our one year anniversary?”

“That... or the fact that you miss him...” she said and you sighed before bringing your hands to cover your face

“I just... ugh, I don’t know” you groaned

“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to but I’m here... if you need a completely impartial third-party to talk to.” You looked up at Penny, her soft smile comforting you more than you realized you’d needed

“You know those movies or shows when someone’s parent leaves because they’re like an addict or something and then they have to go to rehab or something? Then the kid finds them again years later and they’re a totally different person?”

“Yeah?” she replied, furrowing her brow at your question

"I never understood why all those people in movies and T.V. shows would get so bent out of shape when they found out their dead beat parent had a new life. After years of never seeing them. Like, I guess I thought they should just be happy that they’re better... But, seeing him, like that? with her? I get it...”

“You do?”

“I’m so happy for Tyler. And for his new relationship. I am. I mean, sure, maybe I’m a little jealous but it’s not because of the Stanley Cup stuff...”

“You’re jealous of their relationship?”

“I’m angry at their relationship. I’m angry at him! I’m mad that he picked a girl so much younger than him when he’s not in his party phase anymore. I mean, I’m a nice person right?” you asked and she nodded in agreement, “right, so why didn’t I get this version of Tyler that he is now? Why did I get the guy who partied every night and treated women like they were just pieces of flesh for him to screw whenever he had the chance? Why did I fall for it every time he called or texted me and said that he missed me? Why did he leave Boston claiming to want to start fresh but still end up being the same guy that he was there? Why, after finally getting him to try being in a relationship, did he just give up? Why wouldn’t he try? Why wasn’t I enough for him?”

“I don’t k--”

“Why couldn’t he love me?” you interrupted her as tears began to stream down your face, “I wanted him so badly that I was willing to degrade myself for him. And I know that should’ve been a red flag but I loved him. At least I think I did. I wanted him to be this guy. The guy who was sweet and soft and gentle and who let me make stupid little videos for Instagram or whatever. The guy who wasn’t afraid to post pictures with me and say ‘that’s my girlfriend!’ I wanted what he’s so willing to give to her. And I don’t understand why I wasn’t the girl he wanted to be that person for...”

“It’s just about timing...” she said as she sat down gently beside you, “he didn’t know who he was yet when he was with you and it sucks that you had to be the one he was figuring out things with but”

“Someone’s gotta do it?” you interjected but Penny just tilted her head at your words

“But...” she continued, “maybe it’s for the best. You were both young and quick to rush into things when you weren’t ready. A year long relationship at 21, 22 when you guys ended things, is a long time. You’re both different people now.”

“What if I’m not?” you asked, tears still falling from your eyes but your voice more steady than before, “what if I’m still that girl because I never got over him?”

“You’re not” she tried, rubbing your shoulder to reassure you

“How do you know? You didn’t know me then...”

“I’ve heard stories,” she laughed, “besides, you said it yourself. You were willing to degrade yourself for Tyler back then. The (Y/N) I know would never let someone treat her like anything less than a god damn queen because she knows she deserves it.”

“I just wanted to be wanted...” you sighed, “to be loved... Because all this means is that Daniel and Olivia were right. That all this time, Tyler was capable of love. Capable of being the boyfriend I wanted him to be, the boyfriend I knew he could be but that he was only just a fuckboy when he was with me which meant that he didn’t want to love me”

“It doesn’t mean that...” she said softly before Olivia and Daniel finally came through the door, clearly having been listening to the entire conversation

“He wasn’t ready to love you” Olivia added, kneeling down in front of you

“He wanted to,” Daniel said, sitting down on the bed next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder to comfort you, “he just didn’t know how”

“Bullshit” you moped

“It’s true!” Olivia argued, “anytime we saw you two together, we could tell he was crazy about you. He was just in a weird place after Boston. So going from there to here, it was obvious to us he wasn’t expecting a relationship.”

“All he was expecting were hook ups but you came along, and he liked you”

“So when you asked for a relationship, he didn’t want to lose you, so he agreed”

“Even though he didn’t really know how to be in a relationship yet”

“Why me then?” you shouted, “you say he just wanted hook ups and not a relationship because he didn’t know how but why was it me that he didn’t know how to be in a relationship with? Because he sure as hell managed with Ali”

“Don’t compare your relationship to Ali’s”

“They were a mess together”

“And we weren’t?” you exclaimed

“You’re looking for problems, trying to poke holes in our logic”

“No, I’m not. I just wish I had the answers.”

“Don’t we all, babe,” Olivia smiled, rubbing your knee, “but sometimes we just have to live with the fact that the only answers we have are the answers that lead to more questions...”

“You were a very important part of his life, of his growth,” Daniel added, “don’t forget that, don’t devalue yourself because you weren’t the one he ended up with.”

“I just wish...”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, “don’t wish you could do it again. Don’t wish you could change his mind. Don’t wish you could be her...”

“Because you can’t” Olivia added

“And you don’t want to be” Amanda said

“You want to be able to be you. Not someone else,” Penny started, “you deserve to be happy.”

“How do I do that when I’ve never really gotten over him?”

“One step at a time” Daniel said

“Don’t Jordin Sparks me” you laughed

“It’s true, though,” Amanda continued, “you’ll learn to get over him. Even if it takes another six years. And then you’ll find the person that makes you the happiest version of yourself”

“And we’ll be here to help you through it” Olivia added, gesturing to the group around you

“Whether you want us or not” Daniel teased, earning a laugh from you

“Thanks guys...” you sighed, wiping away the wetness that the tears left on your face as your friends encapsulated you in a hug that left you feeling warm and, for the first time in years, at ease.

#Tyler Seguin #Tyler Seguin fic #Tyler Seguin imagine #Dallas Stars #NHL #Hockey #masterlist #the other masterlist

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anonniemousefics · 4 years

Text

Stars In The Darkness

Originally posted on AO3

Fandom: Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom | Kaz + Inej

Word count: 9,042

****Rating: NSFW (aged up characters)****

This is the conclusion to The Trouble With Wanting series, companion piece to Wildfire

TW for PTSD, heavy angst. An obligatory quarantine fic cuz I was in quarantine when I wrote this, lol.

KAZ

No mourners. No funerals.

Kaz Brekker leaned over the new porcelain sink in the bathroom attached to The Slat. He clutched both sides, sweat pouring from his forehead.

No mourners. No funerals.

He’d been saying the phrase so long, it had started to lose its meaning. For that he hated himself. Did anyone at all even understand what it meant? Had he ever even told anyone?

No mourners. No funerals.

Jordie had died alone, forgotten. No funeral. Not a single mourner. And he’d loved Jordie. His big brother had been his hero, his whole world, and no one else knew what the world had lost.

This alone should have crushed him. It would have. Instead, he made it his calling card. Jordie Rietveld, the original Crow. He didn’t need mourners. He didn’t need a funeral. No one did.

Because if the world hadn’t mourned Jordie, why should it mourn anyone else?

His stomach was threatening to heave again, and he white-knuckled the sink, breathing hard. Fuck. It had been years since it had been this bad. He stared at his bloodshot eyes in the mirror, demanding he get a fucking grip on himself.

No mourners. No funerals.

He thought he had been free. He’d spent well over a year on the puzzle of Inej Ghafa, and he thought that could have been enough. She loved him, she’d said so. And, gods, he loved her.

He’d been a fool to think that would be enough.

Now reality was sinking in with every toll of the plague alarm. He hadn’t banished any ghosts. He hadn’t buried any bodies. All he’d managed was to condition himself like a dumb lap dog, performing a trick so he could get a treat. And all the while, the dead had waited. And all the while, Jordie had watched.

And now Ketterdam would have its pound of flesh. Because he could blame Pekka Rollins until he was old and grey, but what had killed Jordie Rietveld had always been the plague. And there was no fighting the plague.

No mourners... No funerals…

It sounded insane now, because what the fuck was he supposed to do when the plague took Inej, too? Was he really going to stand there, stoic and unmoving, while the bodymen took her away? Was he really going to go on living, knowing her final resting place was a mass grave?

He’d been a fool. Such a damn, stupid fool.

And now he really couldn’t breathe. He was a fish out of water, his vision blurring as his throat closed around every inhale.

“Kaz!” Someone was pounding on the bathroom door. “Kaz, let me in.”

How many days until the bodies started piling up? How long did he have? Was there any way to get them out of the city? They all needed to get out. Inej, Jesper, Wylan. Anika, Pim, Rotty, Roeder. It was the only way. The only way to keep from losing everything again.

“Kaz, I will break down this door. Answer me, damnit.”

The king of Ravka owed him favors. Maybe it wasn’t too late to call them in—

INEJ

Fuck it.

Inej threw all of her weight into a massive kick, just above the bathroom doorknob. The door rattled and bowed, and the flimsy lock ripped through the doorframe as the door swung open.

Inside, Kaz staggered back from the sink, pale and perspiring. She’d never seen him looking so sloppy in her life. He hadn’t changed out of his dark sleeping trousers from the morning, but had managed to throw on a white undershirt that was now sweat-stained. And if he was startled, it lasted only a moment before he glared at the broken doorframe.

“Did you forget how to pick a lock?” he growled.

“Did you forget how to unlock a door?” Inej retorted. “I’ve been here almost an hour – how long have you been in here?”

But when she took a step towards him, he flinched back, holding a hand out to keep her away, and it was like they were nothing but street trash teenagers all over again. A knife twisted in Inej’s chest as she saw how his breathing labored, his gaze wouldn’t meet hers. For nearly a year, he’d made slow, steady progress with touch – so much so, she’d almost forgotten what his suffering looked like.

Now, it was worse than ever. He was pressing himself back against the far wall, clamping a hand over his mouth like he was trying not to be sick.

“Breathe,” she told him, calmly. “Just breathe, Kaz. We’re here, together, safe in The Slat. Breathe.”

Kaz clenched his fists at his sides and drew in a stubborn, fighting breath through his nose. Outside, the plague alarms tolled.

“Those goddamn bells,” he rasped.

“I know, they’re awful,” Inej agreed. “When you’re feeling better, I’ll climb up and dismantle them.”

He opened his eyes long enough to shoot her an irritated glance.

“They serve a crucial function, Wraith.”

“Ok. I’ll leave them alone.”

“They’re preventing the spread of disease.”

“I said I’d leave them alone! Take a breath.”

And Kaz slid his back against the wall until he came to sit on the floor, defeated and spent.

KAZ

He was equal parts relieved she was back and terrified she was here with him. When he’d told her to get as far away as she could, he’d meant it. If she could get away from the necrotic infection that was his Ketterdam, she could live, and he could live knowing at least she was safe.

And now he was angry because why couldn’t she just listen to him? What did she know about firepox? What did she know about surviving a mindless, faceless killer?

He tried to heave a deep breath, but his throat felt like it was closing in. Bloated, dead flesh crowded against his ribs, his arms, his face, dragging him deeper toward the cold, unyielding darkness. He couldn’t stop shaking.

“I went to the docks,” came Inej’s calm voice. He was aware that she’d sat on the tile floor across from him, and he wasn’t sure yet if it made it better or worse. Just that morning, he’d had her bare and in his bed, writhing in his sheets and calling his name, and now he could hardly look at her without imagining her dead.

“You went to the docks,” he echoed, trying to find the present.

“Made sure the crew could find safe lodging for the foreseeable future,” Inej went on. “They’re saying it started in West Stave. Twelve new cases since yesterday. But I think our chances are pretty slim at this point. You’ve been chained to your desk for weeks, and I only docked yesterday. And we spent the evening arguing and pouting instead of going out.”

“I don’t pout.”

“It was me. I was pouting.”

“This is helping. Keep talking.”

“Bad news is they’ve shut down all businesses, so The Crow Club’s empty.”

“Fuuuck.”

“Good news is you and I now have unlimited liquor for the duration of this quarantine. And you look like you could use some. I’ve wanted to learn to mix drinks anyway. I could make you that fruity pink thing Sturmhond got sloshed on.”

“Dirtyhands doesn’t get sloshed on fruity pink things.”

“No one needs to know.”

His throat had opened up, and Kaz drew in a long, deep, shaking breath. The darkness had stopped its impending approach, and he was suddenly exhausted. His eyelids felt swollen when he opened his eyes again and looked over at Inej. His brave, brilliant girl. She was cross-legged in front of him, still dressed for the sea: tight olive-green trousers and a loose white blouse, her hands in her fingerless gloves and her long, oil-black braid resting over one shoulder. She was beautiful and commanding and alive, and it made his heart ache.

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” she asked. Her voice was softer now; she’d exchanged her light-hearted ribbing now that Kaz was no longer a gasping mess.

Kaz rubbed at his eyes. His mind was a fog, every thought spread out in disarray. He could only say the first thing that bubbled to the surface.

“You deserve so much more than this.”

“An admirable deflection, but that’s not it.” Inej slit her eyes at him, reading him like a book. Annoying. This wasn’t something he’d considered when she’d told him to take off the armor. He’d wanted to get laid; he didn’t want a damn mind reader.

That wasn’t exactly true, though, was it? But maybe it was a necessary lie. He was too attached, and this loss would not be one he could survive.

“You’re being a fool, Wraith,” Dirtyhands rasped.

INEJ

“Am I?” Well, well, well. So, this is how it was going to be, was it? Inej knew Dirtyhands when she saw him. She could tussle with this bastard all day. Sometimes she even liked it. “How so?”

Kaz’s pale face was set in a glare; he wanted a fight. And if he hadn’t tried this before, it may have even rattled Inej.

If anyone had seen their first kisses, they might have mistaken Kaz and Inej for an old married couple. The only kind of kiss either of them could handle was merely a brief peck on the cheek or the lips, as chaste as a greeting between relatives. Their bodies wouldn’t even brush. It had to look ridiculous, but Inej told herself it was good practice. Someday, they could have something like a real kiss, she told herself. For now, this was enough.

The last night before Inej was to set sail again, they sat opposite each other on the windowsill of The Slat, propped up against the frame, while Inej coaxed crows with breadcrumbs and made sure Kaz didn’t fall out the window. He’d had a couple drinks too many with Jesper and was more than a little amusing.

“I have a secret,” he slurred. He leaned his head back against the open window frame, his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Just one?” Inej quirked an eyebrow. Kaz gave a drunken chortle.

“Good point.” He pointed at her. “Clever, clever Wraith.”

“What’s your secret?” Inej asked, with an amused smirk. Kaz gave a sloppy nod.

“It is terrifying to me that you live on a boat,” he confessed with a slow blink. Inej frowned.

“You bought me the boat,” she said. Kaz kept nodding, wide-eyed.

“I did,” he said. “A whole damn boat. And it looks so good on you, Inej. So good.”

“Thank you.” Inej tried to hide a laugh.

“But I spend every day trying to convince myself that you’re not drowning. It’s – it’s not fun, Inej. It’s the opposite of fun – what’s the word?”

“There are many to choose from,” Inej shrugged. “Is this fear because of…?” She wasn’t sure how to bring up the subject. The night he’d told her about nearly drowning, of using his brother’s body to swim to shore from Reaper’s Barge, had been the first time she’d ever seen tears in his eyes. She wasn’t proud of it, but it had startled her. It had thrown the balance of her world off so harshly that she’d tracked down Pekka Rollins that very night and carved his skin until she felt the scales tip again.

“Probably,” was all Kaz would admit, and he rested one cheek against a gloved fist.

Inej considered this while she threw crumbs to the crows. She cared for him, so very much. And any time she thought of him as that abandoned little boy in the harbor, her insides crumbled.

“You should come out on the water with me,” she told him. ��Let me show you it’s not what you remember.”

“Pass,” Kaz announced, a little too loudly.

“We could start small,” Inej persisted. “Take a little skiff on the canals.”

“The canals are disgusting.” Kaz practically looked petulant, like she was forcing vegetables on him. “Do you have any idea how many drunks piss in those canals? I’ve taken a piss in those canals.”

Inej grimaced with a groan, but she wasn’t giving up on this idea now that it had seized her.

“I’m a sea captain, Kaz,” she said. “I’ve got you. You will not fall into the canals unless I decide you’re going to fall into the canals. And I haven’t decided yet; it depends on how nice you are to me.” She gave a prim little tilt of her chin as she shot him a coy glance. He was smiling like a silly fool.

“I want to kiss you,” he declared, and even though she knew he was drunk, her face still burned.

“Maybe you should,” she dared.

And for a moment, he sat still and stiff against the window frame, and she thought he would change the subject. But then, he swung his legs back inside the room and limped to where she sat. He towered over her, leaning against the window frame as he gazed over her face, and Inej watched the darkness in his eyes, holding her breath, praying that this time it could go differently.

Then, slowly, he lifted one gloved hand to her chin, tilting her face up just slightly. She shivered at the brush of leather, missing the warmth of his hands but conceding this for now. And it hardly mattered considering the way he looked at her, his eyes like languid pools of chocolate, melting her.

He cupped her cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing her bottom lip, and she drew in a breath. His Adam’s apple bobbed with a nervous swallow, and she hardly dared to move as he slowly bent down, the tip of his nose brushing hers for a brief moment, before he brought his lips to touch hers.

And Inej wanted to pull him closer, to taste his mouth, to know that he burned for her just as she burned for him, but instead she waited, terrified this time that she could spook him with any sudden movements. And for a moment, it seemed to work.

For a moment, his eyes slid closed. For a moment, he held her there, brushing his lips over hers, dipping in to meet her mouth completely. Thank the Saints, she thought, her eyes closing, giving in. Thank you, thank you.

But only for a moment.

Because a moment later, his whole body went rigid, and he startled the crows away when he wrenched away with a gasp. Inej had to grab the window frame to keep from falling and really destroying the evening. And Kaz staggered backwards, crushing his eyes closed tight with a hand clamped over his mouth. Inej leapt after him before he could tip backwards, as unsteady as he was with drink.

“Don’t,” he growled, pushing her back instead as he swayed and regained his balance. “Stay back.”

And as harsh as it sounded, it was still improvement. It was more than they’d ever had before, and he wasn’t vomiting or fainting, even with a fair amount of kvas in him. The kiss, as small as it was, left Inej dazzled. She stepped back from him, holding her hands out so he knew he had his space.

But Kaz wasn’t as satisfied. Far from it. In fact, he gave a frustrated roar and then turned and put his fist through the wall.

Inej barely had time to give a startled yelp. If he hadn’t have been wearing his gloves, Kaz surely would have torn his hand to shreds. As it was, he was holding it gingerly in the other hand, and Inej couldn’t be sure if he’d broken fingers or not.

“Why do you come back here?” Kaz shouted when he whirled back at her, his teeth bared in fury. Inej clenched her fists.

“We have a deal,” she said, coldly. It was the language Dirtyhands understood.

Kaz scoffed as he tried to move his injured fingers.

“To what end?” he spat, and ground his teeth in pain. “How long will it take you to realize there is nothing here for you to save?”

“If you weren’t interested in being saved, you wouldn’t have struck the deal in the first place,” Inej shot back. If he was trying to push her away to save face, she wasn’t going quietly.

“I have nothing to offer you,” Kaz gritted. “I can’t even--” but he couldn’t look at her.

Inej held out her hands toward him, offering to take his injured fingers in hers. He hesitated, the muscle in his jaw ticking.

“All I have ever asked of you was your honesty and your time,” Inej said. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to try.”

And slowly Kaz turned, shuffling his weight off his bad leg, and put his wounded hand in hers, the leather dusted in plaster. She slowly started to pull back the leather to inspect the damage, and Kaz sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth.

“I’m very drunk,” he complained.

“I know you are.”

“This hurts.”

“Don’t punch walls next time.”

His knuckles were already swollen and bruised, but nothing looked broken. Nothing ice and a good bandage couldn’t fix.

“Mati en sheva yelu,” he slurred in Suli. This action will have no echo. And the sincere, painful look he was giving her when she looked up at him in surprise made her want to kiss him all over again. “You know—you say it,” he tried to wave off her adoration.

“I do. I didn’t know you were listening.”

“I’m always listening, Inej. Inej.” He sighed hard, looking longing at her lips. “It’s going to hurt so much worse than this when this is over.”

Inej looked up at him in surprise.

“Why would you say that?” she frowned.

“You wanted honesty.” Kaz swayed a little on his feet. “I’m giving you honesty. Nothing survives the Barrel. Not even me. Not even you. And now look at me--” He squared his wide shoulders, taking a shuffling step closer, close enough that she could feel his body warmth, smell the tang of wine on his breath. She found herself staring up at the painful depths of his dark eyes, the ache he let her see. “No armor now,” he said, his voice low.

For a moment, Inej’s knees felt weak beneath him, but it was that smell of the red wine that brought her back.

“You’re drunk,” she reminded him. He gave a petulant frown, and maybe that was the reason she found the courage to say the rest. “And if you’re trying to blame me for some unforeseen pain that may or may not even happen, in some misguided attempt to protect yourself from actually feeling something, well, then you’re far crueler than I took you for. And I will not tolerate your cruelty, Kaz Brekker.”

And so she knew this strategy Kaz Brekker’s demons employed. And she stared him down on the bathroom floor, daring him to go on.

“How so?” she said again.

KAZ

Jordie would have been twenty-five. Jordie never got to dream, to build a name for himself, to live comfortably. Jordie never got to have a girl, to know what it was like to be adored, to wake up next to the same face you dreamt of.

Because of the firepox.

Why did I live? Why did I live?

Kaz was pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Jordie was there, bloated, covered in sores, his vacant eyes glassy.

“How so?”

“The ship was your ticket out,” he rasped, finally, looking up at her. “I gave you the ship. I gave you your family. You were supposed to get far away from here before this happened again. You were supposed to leave.”

“I don’t believe you.” Inej shook her head.

“What do you want from me?” his voice strained, savagely. “Is it not enough to know that I love you and want you to live? You have to keep coming around here, endangering yourself and my crew--”

“Your crew?” Inej raised an angry, skeptical eyebrow.

“Look at me.” Somewhere under the fog of paranoia and haunted memory, Kaz knew he was nearing hysterics. “You are my weakness, a liability--”

But at that, Inej shot to her feet, and the very real threat of actually losing her was enough to shut even Dirtyhands up. She stared down at him, a glare laced with ice and pain and empathy all at once.

“I know you are hurting,” she said, “and I know this isn’t the reason. I know how impossible it can feel to find the source when the pain is all-encompassing. But that gives you no right speak to me this way. We have fought too long and come too far for this.”

The wash of guilt that followed crushed his chest, and Kaz sunk into the heels of his palms once again. She asked only for honesty, came a reminder from somewhere in his frenetic thoughts. Find the source, find the source. She was turning to leave the bathroom, and the dread of not having her voice, pulling him out of the dark, was far worse than any other horror his imagination could conjure up.

“Inej,” he said in a harsh scratch. His throat felt thick. She turned at the broken bathroom door, leaning her head against the frame. Waiting. Expecting.

He had to try.

“I can’t,” he started, and there it was. The source. His mind been twisting it all around in the fog, fumbling with it like a lock in the dark, when it was simple, really. “I can’t do this again,” he said at last, his voice breaking.

“Do what again,” said Inej, though she seemed to understand. She was going to make him say it.

He swallowed hard, his throat constricting.

“I can’t,” he pushed again, “I can’t lose everything to this again. I can’t do it.”

“You are not going to lose everything, Kaz,” Inej said, firmly, and she began to cross the tile back to him again.

“I can’t lose you to this.” He dared to look at her as she sat next to him, their backs against the wall. “Any of you. Jesper. Wylan. I can’t. I have so much more to lose this time.”

“You are not going to lose us.” Inej remained adamant, but Kaz gave a bitter, crooked smile even as he felt hot tears like pinpricks in his eyes. Jordie had made similar promises once. Jordie would have liked Inej.

“You can’t promise that.” His rasp was becoming a whisper. “You can’t promise any of that.”

And to her credit, Inej didn’t try to fight. It was firepox. It wasn’t a rival gang. There was no strategy. There was only the gamble. Outlast. Outlive. That’s all you could do.

Inej set her hand on his knee. He knew she would have liked to have done more, but he was grateful she didn’t try. This was enough.

“Then for tonight,” she said, “we’ll be scared. And we’ll be sad. And then tomorrow, we’ll pick up the pistols and the knives again. We’ll fight again another day.”

We. He didn’t deserve to be a We, but he feared the loss far more. And with a deep breath to summon his courage, he put his hand over hers. He had to wait a moment to allow the shudder to pass through him, but then he gave her fingers a squeeze in agreement. When he looked over at her, her big, brown eyes were glassy with tears.

“Kaz,” she said, softly, “tell me about Jordie.”

Kaz rested his head against the bathroom wall. There was so much to say about Jordie. He could have told her about the games he made up or the jokes he liked to tell or the useless toys he bought Kaz, just to see his little brother grin. He could have told her about his dangerous optimism or his blind ambition or his stupid hubris. He wanted to tell her how riding on Jordie’s shoulders had made him feel like an invincible giant, and what good were gods or Saints or Grisha if they couldn’t even protect a boy as deserving of life as Jordie?

Instead, Kaz Rietveld broke down and wept.

INEJ

It was a long night, the first of many long nights. Inej wasn’t sure when Kaz finally fell asleep, but she awoke first and shuffled out of the attic in Kaz’s nightshirt, down to the empty kitchen of The Slat to percolate a kettle of strong black coffee. When she brought up cups, she found him sitting on the edge of the bed, bleary-eyed and disheveled. He couldn’t have slept more than two or three hours.

She handed him a cup of coffee without a word and noticed he avoided touching her fingers when he took the mug. She understood all too well how the tide of war against the demons of memory could shift dramatically with so little warning, and she was ready to tell him so when he let out a small, defeated sigh and leaned to rest his head against her stomach.

Had anyone ever seen the Bastard of the Barrel so broken? No one would ever know, the Wraith determined. She ran her fingers through the thick, soft hair at the top of his head, avoiding his scalp, and held him there against her. He gave no protest.

“I thought I had defeated this,” he said, after a long silence.

“The past can be tricky like that,” Inej replied. The dawn was golden over the tile rooftops of Ketterdam. “It has teeth, and sometimes it demands attention.”

“Suli proverb?”

“No.” Inej sighed. “Just the story of my life.”

Kaz was silent a moment as they both sat with their demons at the door. He lifted a hand like he wanted to hold her closer, but ended up tugging absentmindedly on the rolled-up sleeve of her nightshirt instead.

“You were ready.” The self-loathing in Kaz’s voice was palpable and twisted in Inej’s gut. “Yesterday, you wanted me to--”

“Kaz.” Inej stopped him and gave the back of his head a little tug so he’d look up at her. “Are you forgetting the terms of our deal? I want you. Mind, body, and soul. Those were your exact words. This,” she brushed back his sleep-disheveled hair with tender fingers and he closed his eyes, “this is all part of the deal. Your past, your memories, your fears – they are all a part of the man I love. I wouldn’t have you without them.”

Kaz was still beneath her fingers in his hair, but after a moment, his chest rose and fell with a sigh and he gave a little nod.

With the streets outside silent and abandoned, they spent the rest of the day in bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes talking, always a safe distance from each other. When night fell, however, Inej woke up briefly to find Kaz’s bare hand fitted to her the slope of her waist as he slept, curled on his side. She smiled to herself in the dark.

KAZ

The plague bells continued to toll every day, a regular reminder of the reaper that spread like wildfire through the streets. The first three days were near-constant torment. Inej did her best to try to distract him with card games and books. She even got desperate and showed him knife tricks that made even him feel uneasy that she was going to hurt herself.

“Seriously, that’s enough,” he finally told her at one point. “I can’t go out and bring back a Tailor for you if you lose a finger today.”

“I am not going to lose a finger.” But she stopped anyway. He was grateful. Every moment of the day, his heart was pounding and his mind was racing while he watched for telltale signs. She’d grow tired first, then lose her appetite when the fever began to rise, and then would come the sores that would erupt all across her perfect body. It would rot her beautiful face. Sometimes, lying in bed, eyes closed, was all he could manage to do to keep himself from losing it completely.

But as the end of the first week drew near, they were both still healthy, and Kaz found he could go an hour without imagining her death. Each day grew a little more normal, and each day brought a little more freedom. He could show her card tricks and live entirely in the moment her face lit up in delighted wonder, no fear of the future. Each night, Inej would flit across the rooftops of Ketterdam to the Van Eck mansion, returning to The Slat with news that Jesper and Wylan were well and bored and sent their regards, and Kaz’s unease settled a bit more. By the second week, he could lie across from Inej at night, and his mind would fill with tender memories instead of horrors. Instead of her dying face, he thought of the sun shimmering on her golden brown skin, the harbor winds in her black hair, the rose petal-softness of her lips against his cheek.

How she convinced him to let her paddle him through the canals of Ketterdam, he’ll never know. Maybe it was partially his own fault. He was growing desperate to make progress, to hold her how he wanted to hold her, and it was becoming apparent to him that he had to confront what the waters brought up in him.

She’d stashed away her own money and bought herself a skiff, the first boat she’d purchased on her own, and her eyes dazzled when she spoke of it, and Kaz knew he wanted to see her captain it. He’d walked the decks of The Wraith with her, his heart soaring with pride as he watched her in her element. Kaz loved to see Inej happy. He loved nothing more.

But all of that couldn’t prevent him from sitting in the exact center of the skiff with his arms crossed in defense – against what? – and his body so rigid, the first harsh jostle of the skiff could snap him in two.

“You hate this,” Inej observed. She’d stopped rowing and came to sit next to him, facing the opposite direction. The canal waters were still as the skiff drifted forward. They were in a quiet part of town where the narrow streets were largely ignored. A shopkeeper swept the cobblestones in front of their shop; an old man smoked a pipe on the steps of a pub.

“I never said that,” but Kaz didn’t look at her.

“You didn’t have to.” Inej raised an eyebrow. “I’ll take us home.”

“No--”

“I’m glad you tried. That means a lot--”

“Inej.” He touched her wrist, his hands bare, and looked up at her face as she was about to move back to steer the boat. Her skin shone in the sunlight as the breeze swept strands of her hair across her face. Her eyes in the sunshine were like caramels. Kaz didn’t want to go back. That was the last thing he wanted.

“I need new memories of the water,” he rasped. “That’s all.”

“Better memories,” Inej agreed, and she turned her hand, fitting her fingers through his. He closed his eyes while he took in the warmth of her palm against his, alive and perfect.

And then it happened. His eyes still closed, he felt the soft brush of her lips against his cheek. His heart stuttered and warmed. It hadn’t felt revolting at all. It had surprised him, and he’d liked it. He’d actually liked it. He opened his eyes to her sweet smile, and he wanted more.

This was what he would always consider their first real kiss. He turned his body and wrapped one hand at her waist, holding her close. She didn’t flinch, didn’t shrink back. No, she leaned in. She wanted. He tilted his head to meet the slant of her lips and lost himself in her sweetness, with the sun bright overhead and the lazy lapping of canal water against the sides of the skiff.

INEJ

“They’re lifting some quarantine measures,” Kaz told her over coffee one morning. Inej looked up at him, eager, as he scanned the headlines of the Ketterdam Ledger. The days had become routine in the microcosm of their world, and she desperately needed to tend to The Wraith.

“The harbors?” she asked.

“They’re not opening the harbors yet,” Kaz shook his head, then shot a glance at her, catching her frustration. “Not that that should stop us,” he said, folding up the paper.

A smile began to creep along Inej’s lips.

“Are you sure?” she questioned. In the first days of the quarantine, Kaz didn’t even want to leave the room. He’d laid rest to many demons since then, but his exhaustion was still fresh in her mind.

But the smile he gave back to her was a Dirtyhands smirk, and her stomach fluttered pleasantly.

“Figure out the quarantine guard shift change at the harbor,” he told her. “We’ll go tonight.”

The Wraith threw back the last of her coffee and made a mad dash for the rooftops, like a bat out of hell.

That night, they dressed the part. It was a little silly, Inej realized, strapping on her knives over her leggings, when this wasn’t anything like a real job. But a forbidden midnight dash into the cordoned harbor was far more entertaining than the same old card games, and Inej was mad for some excitement. As she watched Kaz suit up out of the corner of her eye, she suspected he felt much the same way. They were both ready for some semblance of normality.

They tied makeshift masks over their faces before slipping into the abandoned shadows of Ketterdam’s alleys. Kaz’s limp was more pronounced after weeks of being holed up in The Slat, and while Inej didn’t point it out, she still kept to the darkness so he didn’t have to rush. After a few blocks, his muscles loosened, and their pace quickened, and when they neared the harbor, Inej stopped them, her back against the brick wall of a building, and held out a hand for Kaz’s pocket watch. The chain clinked as he handed it to her, and she checked the time.

She pulled the mask down to her neck as she handed the watch back.

“We’re early,” she whispered up at him. “Few minutes still.”

Kaz nodded beneath his mask as he pocketed the watch. Suddenly, Inej’s heart thudded as she looked him over. It had been weeks since he’d worn one of his tailored black suits, and the thrill of seeing him looking like himselfagain overtook her.

When her eyes traveled up to his face, she saw that he’d noticed her staring, and he lifted his dark eyebrows.

“See something you like?” he asked, his rasping voice muffled behind mask. Inej pressed back a smirk.

“Cheeky bastard,” she shot back.

“You’re the one who likes cheeky bastards,” said Kaz, and took two shuffling steps closer, leaning on his crow’s head cane, so close their bodies were nearly touching.

“Just this one,” Inej replied, and gave a little tug on his mask to reveal his crooked half smile.

Inej drew in a breath as Kaz took one more step and she felt the brace of his body against her. She’d never say it, but she had ached for him all these weeks – so close to her, and yet so out of reach. To her delight, he leaned his cane against the wall and wrapped both gloved hands around her waist. She held on to his shoulders as he pressed against her, taking her lips, softly at first, and then with insistence.

Thank the Saints, Inej thought, not for the first time, and let herself melt into him.

She ran her hands up his shoulders and around his neck, crossing her wrists behind his head, and let him press her back against the wall. It was as if he was making up for lost time, and his touch drove her mad, in the best way possible. He parted her lips with his tongue, and a soft moan escaped her throat as his fingers twisted in the fabric of her vest.

“Gods, I’ve missed this,” Kaz rasped when they broke apart finally, lungs aching. His chest was heaving, breathless, as Inej dragged her fingers under the lapels of his jacket, over the hard muscle beneath, pulling him closer.

And she gasped as he dipped his head and pressed his lips to the soft bit of skin just below her ear, and she was ready to forget the world entirely when his teeth grazed her neck, his hands roaming her hips, except at the last minute, she remembered the time. While he cupped her ass, she slipped her fingers into his waistcoat pocket.

“Now,” she said, pulling back, suddenly. “We have to go now.”

“Did you just pick my pocket?” Kaz realized, a little dazed, as Inej replaced his pocket watch. But she was already soundlessly running for the docks.

The Wraith waited at Fifth Harbor, looking no worse for wear, as they scaled its sides in the dark and leapt aboard. Inej walked its decks in the moonlight, shining full beyond the tall masts. She knew that weeks in the water with no maintenance, the list of chores that needed to be taken care of had grown long. For one thing, the decks were covered in bird shit. There were sails that needed mending, hulls that needed shucked of their barnacles, cannons that needed cleaning. She at least needed to take stock of the work ahead, so she could quickly divvy up the load among her crew when the quarantine was lifted.

She could sense Kaz’s eyes on her, almost hungry since their exchange in the alley. And now that they had evaded the quarantine guards, she found she liked it. She gave him a provocative glance the next time she noticed his predatory gaze.

“You picked my pocket,” he repeated, slitting his eyes. His dark eyes in the silver moonlight made her heart skip. She turned to face him at the base of the mizzenmast.

“And whatever will you do about it, Brekker,” she challenged.

He tapped his cane against the wood of the deck three times.

“I have some ideas,” he rasped, a quirk of a smile on his lips, and Saints she wanted him to press up against her again.

It was as if he read her mind. He let his cane drop with a clatter as he took her in his arms, pressing her back against the wood of the mizzenmast, and she lifted onto her toes to hungrily take his lips with hers.

He wasn’t slow and methodical now. He was like a drowning man gasping his first breath of air. He was kissing her as much as he could, her lips, her cheeks, her throat, his hands digging into the back of her shirt, nearly lifting her off her toes. She brought her hands to either side of his face to hold him still, to kiss him deeper, to breathe in his scent like she hadn’t in weeks. Her Kaz. He wasn’t gone. He could fight his way out of any hole, no matter how black. And how she loved him for it.

One of his hands slid from her back, raking up her rib cage to cup her breast, and she gasped into his mouth as he kneaded it with his long fingers. There was warmth pooling between her legs, desire like a steady tide rising in her veins. She pressed her hips against his and found he was already hard. Her cheeks warmed. More, she needed more.

“I want you,” she gasped. She’d let go of his face, running her hands over his shoulders, as he left a train of kisses down her neck.

“You have no idea how much I want you,” he groaned. And it was all the permission she needed: she started pulling at the buttons of his waistcoat, his white shirt, tearing some, pushing her fingers through to his hot skin and muscles underneath.

He wasn’t running. He tore at her shirt, his lithe fingers dancing through buttonholes as her blouse fell open to him, and he bent his head, pulling at the center of her back, to bring his mouth to her cleavage.

“Take those damn gloves off,” she demanded, and, as he did, she threw off her shirt and the useless mask from her neck and undid the bindings that held in her breasts. Kaz’s shirt was still hanging open, his hair he’d finally worked hard to put in place now falling in his eyes, as he stepped back to her, running his bare hands up her back, over her neck, to caress her breast.

She nipped at his earlobe, raking her hands down his torso, to that fine line of hair at his beltline. And as he kissed her again and again, she undid the black leather belt. He drew back with in a sharp breath as she pushed past his wiry curls and wrapped her fingers around his hard length.

“Is this what you want?” he rasped, as she began to stroke him. He released a low breath and leaned a little harder against the mast at her back.

“I want everything,” she told him in a husky voice, and he looked at her with those half-starved black eyes, lips slightly parted, before slipping his own careful fingers into her leggings.

Her head fell back against the mast and she tightened her grip on his cock as she felt his clever lockpick fingers slid over her clit. Her breasts heaved with a deep sigh, and Kaz let out a stuttering breath when she did, his eyelids fluttering.

“Careful,” he groaned with a gasp. “I don’t know if I can – shit, Inej, really, you could end this too soon.”

“I want you to feel what you make me feel,” she breathed, slowing her strokes.

“But I don’t want this to end,” Kaz gritted out, and looped his spare hand around her wrist, pulling her hand back. And just as she was about to protest, he slid both hands beneath her leggings at her waist. He wanted her bare again, she realized, and she was desperate for release.

She helped him slid her leggings to the deck, and before she could wonder what he was going to do next, he knelt before her, one hand on either thigh. With his careful eyes watching her always, he took one of her legs over his shoulder, bringing his soft lips to kiss her folds.

His breath was hot against her, and Inej raised her arms over her head to grab the mast behind her to keep her knees from crumbling under her.

“Where did you learn this?” she gasped, her heart racing. She shivered as he ran a hand over her core and her navel, stroking her tense muscles.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Kaz mumbled against her cunt, and the harsh rasp of his voice sent a wave of pleasure through her.

“I have to know--” Inej could hardly finish her sentence as he stroked his tongue slowly up the strip of her pussy. She would know, but it certainly didn’t matter now. Her legs were giving out under her, and he wrapped his strong arms under her thighs as she held onto the mast, his hair, anything to ground her.

“Don’t stop,” she begged, and he certainly seemed to have no intention to. He used one thumb to caress her clit as he sucked and stroked her folds, and her whole body was alight at his touch. The tension was building low in her abdomen, and she couldn’t hardly believe this was happening right here on her own ship. She gazed down at her Kaz, his perceptive eyes trained on her, the eyes that saw her and saved her and endlessly loved her, and she brushed his hair back as she felt the wave of orgasm nearing.

The trapped girl she’d been in the Menagerie could never have dreamed this could be her life. The trapped girl in the Menagerie might have slept easier knowing this day was coming.

“Kaz,” she breathed out his name in a soft moan as she came, wave after wave of sensation rolling through her core. “Thank you,” she was whispering, again and again. “Thank you.”

She was catching her breath as he straightened himself to his feet, kissing her softly while she came down from her high. His belt buckle was still undone, and she ran her fingers around the bare skin at his waist.

“How did you learn how to do that?” she asked him as she looked up at him, dreamily. He just shook his head with that sneaking, crooked smile. Well, fine. She could get him to talk.

She looped her hands through his belt and turned him so that his back now pressed against the mast, and then dropped to her knees.

“Fuck,” she heard Kaz whisper, and she quickly undid his trousers, dropping them to his ankles.

She’d seen him naked many times before, but this was the first time she’d decided to do something about it. His length stiffened just from her proximity, and when she glanced up at him, he looked like he was hardly daring to breathe.

She slowly brought the tip to her lips. Kaz drew in a breath.

“Tell me where you learned how to do that thing with your mouth,” she whispered with a smirk.

“Oh, that’s how this is going to be?” Kaz looked confident, but she saw how he already gripped the mast behind him. She dragged her tongue up his length, and he cursed again.

“You should tell me.”

“Holy fuck, Inej.”

This was going to be fun. Inej wrapped her lips around him, and he let out a low sound she’d never heard from him before. She worked her mouth up and down his length, relishing the pleasure she brought him, how she could turn this dangerous man into a gasping mess.

His thighs were already tensing as he struggled to hold himself upright. He’d been right; this wasn’t going to last long. He’d leaned his head back against the mast, chest heaving, and once he looked like he was going to cry out something, but instead he came with a grunt and a shudder, his fingers curling in her hair. She swallowed the heat that filled her throat, watching him quake and moan as she did, and only then did she release him.

“Nina told me.” Kaz was gasping, eyelashes fluttering as Inej stood up. “I wrote Nina for advice, and she told me about the thing I could do with my mouth. Holy shit, Inej.”

“You wrote Nina?” Inej wasn’t sure if she should be horrified or laugh. “I wrote Nina.”

Kaz opened his eyes at last, looking unconcerned.

“Well, I wasn’t about to ask Jesper for advice. And Wylan’s never even seen a vagina.”

“We will never hear the end of this.”

“She’ll raise us from the dead just to talk about it again.”

Inej thought for a moment before concluding: “Worth it.”

And because they were bored of The Slat, they curled up for the night in Inej’s captain’s quarters, the full moon filling the porthole window and lighting up the night. Sometime in the night, Inej awoke, caught a glimpse of the sea from the window, and poked Kaz in the side until he woke up.

KAZ

“What is it?” he whispered.

“The sea,” she told him.

He wanted to whine. He rarely slept soundly, and had she really just woke him up to look at the damn sea?

Of course she had.

She brought him above deck and shimmied down the ropes to The Wraith’s rowboat, gesturing for him to follow. Kaz felt like he was moving through a dream, but even in dreams, he would follow his girl to the end of the world.

She took the oars of the boat and told him to lie down in the center of the little craft. Kaz gave a relinquished sigh and did as he was told, letting her row them out into the dark harbor, slipping past guards’ watch lanterns, and out into the still waters of the open sea.

He’d long past given up on worrying about Inej’s decisions. If there was a reason she wanted them out in open waters in the middle of the night, it had to be a good one. He closed his eyes and listened to the lapping of the water, willing back old memories and thinking of Inej. His sea captain. He wouldn’t fall to the waters as long as she had him.

Eventually, she stopped rowing, dropped an anchor, and came to lie beside him in the center of the boat.

“It seems like I’m supposed to understand what’s happening,” Kaz said, their shoulders next to each other.

“I wanted you to have a new memory,” Inej said. “Just be still and look around.”

And Kaz raised himself up onto his elbows to look at the sea around him. It was at that moment he understood her love of the sea.

The black sky wrapped around them as far as the eye could reach, glittering with countless stars from horizon to horizon. The surface of the water stretched out all around, a perfect mirror of the sparkling lights in the heavens. Kaz drew in a breath in wonder, suddenly without words. If there was ever magic in the world, this was it.

He looked down at Inej, her hands under her head, as she gazed up at the sky, the picture of contentment.

“Maybe now you’ll think of this, too, when you remember the firepox,” she said, as she gazed softly up at him.

He would. Oh, he would.

He bent over, cupping her cheek, and kissed her fully. His girl. His Inej. His magic. His whole heart. She turned to him on her side, wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing her breasts against his chest, unbound beneath her thin shirt. Desire coursed through him as he felt the puckered drag of her nipples across his body. His fingers slid through her loose hair, deepening the kiss, and blood rushed to his cock for the second time that night. What surprised him more was her hand dipping down, pressing against it through his trousers, as if she could coax it out.

“Again?” he wondered aloud, and kicked himself for it immediately. But Inej smiled against his lips and touched her nose to his.

“Better memories,” she whispered.

She slipped off her leggings while giving him a pointed glance at his tented trousers. It took a moment to understand her meaning. She wanted him to take them off.

He slid out of his trousers and then the rest of his clothes as Inej did the same, the cool night air brushing against her nipples and hardening them. He wanted to lose himself in them again, kiss them and taste them and –

Just as he was imagining the many things he was about to do to her breasts, Inej pushed him down again onto his back at the center of the rowboat. Slowly, she crawled on top of him, and his cock throbbed, begging, pleading.

This had to be a dream. Surely this was a dream. He only ever had dreams this good.

But the sigh she let out when their bodies connected was very real. And her tight heat sliding over his cock had never felt so good in his sleep. She guided herself down slowly, her hands on his torso, and Kaz released a shaky moan.

He’d convinced himself for years that this was impossible. The angry monster he’d been had locked every fantasy of this away. The broken boy he’d been was sure he’d never deserve this.

Here he was anyway.

Inej rocked over his length above him, taking her time, leaving slow, languid kisses on his mouth. He fitted his hand to the curve of her waist, her long hair brushing over his fingers. The desperation he’d felt on the decks of the ship had passed, and now he could float among the stars, his mind blank, giving his body wholly to the girl who loved him.

Every grim eventuality Kaz had conjured in his mind about the future seemed to dissipate there beneath the stars. He could be wrong. They would have time. They could live like this for years. There was nothing in their way. He had time. He had time.

When Inej quickened her pace, she was as slippery and wet as a minnow, and soon Kaz couldn't help writhing beneath her, arching, exulting, her name on his lips, his heart in her hands. He loved her; he’d love her til the end of time, and he said so, and he was nothing if not true to his word. And when he crumbled beneath her, he was unaware of anything but her her her, and when the wave subsided, there were stars all around her.

She kissed him again and again before lying beside him and mussing up his disheveled hair, grinning up at him with eyes that glittered in starlight.

“That was unexpected,” he panted, and looked over at her. “You’re not worried about – you know--” He gestured at her womb, fumbling for words.

“Nina told me how to prevent it, don’t worry.” Inej was breathing hard, too.

“We have got to stop talking about Nina when we’re naked. It’s getting weird.”

“Agreed.”

And though they knew they’d have to return to the ship before first light, Kaz tucked her close to his body anyway, tracing her curves with his fingertips, watching the stars above them. As he did, he thought of the future once more, only this time, he didn’t see death.

He saw an expanse as limitless as the infinite, starry horizon, as open to him as the sea.

#six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #kanej #kanej fanfic #smut #kanej smut #fanfic #fanfiction #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #kaz brekker x inej ghafa

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leemaht · 4 years

Text

haikyuu!! headcanons

falling for their new manager

karasuno edition

part 1: sugawara, daichi, asahi, nishinoya

**********************************

warnings: none, i think. maybe mention of violence?

pairings: suga x fem!reader, daichi x fem!reader, asahi x fem!reader, nishinoya x fem!reader

part 2 will be about the first years. let me know if i should make parts for yachi and kiyoko as well. :3

**********************************

this one is reallllllllyyyyy long, sorry. i feel like i got the concept of headcanons wrong ;-;

sugawara

when you first came into the gym suga was already done for

he had never seen such a beautiful person in his life before

and that means something, since he sees kiyoko every day

you were one year under him

when you introduced yourself as their new manager, suga’s heart skipped a beat or two

he would be able to see you every day from now on

it was so hard for him not to go up in flames because of happiness

daichi totally caught him staring at you

he was pretty happy for his best friend and wanted to do everything in his might to get the two of you together

at the end of your first official training session as a manager, suga still wasn’t able to talk to you and clearly avoided your gaze

when you walked around to pass out towels he looked in the opposite direction or walked away completely

you went to daichi

‘say, daichi-san (you were already on first name base) did i do anything wrong?’

‘huh? why do you ask?’ he replied seriously confused

‘sugawara-senpai seems to avoid me. it’s like he doesn’t want to talk to me. so i was wondering if i did anyting to offend him.’

‘ah, no. don’t worry about that. i think he is just shy around new faces.’

you nodded and walked away

daichi had to try so hard not to laugh

after he was sure you were out of hearing-reach he told suga what you said

AND SUGA PANICKED

like he was so afraid that you thought he avoided you

technically he was..

so when practice was over he took a deep breath and walked over to you

‘uhm... y/l/n-san! wait!’ he called after you when you were about to leave

‘huh? oh! sugawara-senpai. you can call me y/n.’ you remarked innocently, but cheerfully. you were quite suprised that suga had decided to chat

god his name sounded so good when you said it

‘ah. th-thank you... y-y/n? you can call me suga then. there is no need for this courtesy.’

and you smiled at him

and he melted

‘was there anything you wanted suga-san?’

‘ah! uh.. you know...’ and he turned around to see daichi, tanaka and noya standing there giving him knowing smirks

daichi that hypocrite had told them

‘could we please talk outside?’

you were confused but agreed

after you walked far enough he started talking again

‘i am sorry.’

‘huh? for what, suga-san?’

‘ i heard what you said to daichi and you didn’t do anything wrong. it was me. you are perfect...ah... that came out wrong. I DON’T MEAN YOU ARE NOT PERFECT BECAUSE YOU ARE.... god i should really stop talking now.’

and you started laughing

at first suga was afraid you were laughing at him but you looked so genuine that he could not help but smile a little as well

‘well, you see...i slightly panicked when i first saw you, so instead of talking to you i avoided you. sorry for that. but then you were so nice to everyone and worried that it was you fault. you really belong in this team.’

you were so happy, but still confused

‘if... uh. why did you panic though? do i look that intermediating?’

oh boy. he started sweating. he was so read you could confuse him with a tomato if you didn’t look closely

but he took some deep breaths, closed his eyes and stood up as straight as he could before blurting out

‘ithinkyouarereallypretty.nonotpretty.beautifuleven.’

now it was your time to blush furiously

you covered your face with your hands and looked at him with eyes wide open between your spread fingers

‘you... are n-not so bad yourself, suga-san.’

did you just compliment him, after he basically confessed to you? if he wasn’t already red he was now. steam literally coming out of his ears

that was a view. two tomatoes in the dark in front of a gym.

suga knew he needed to be the strong one now, so he collected his words which were all over the place and spoke up

‘i know we don’t know each other that long, but... wouldyougooutonadatewithmesometime????’ well that wasn’t strong at all lol

he got really nervous when you didn’t reply for a moment but was even happier when you agreed

‘yeah. i’d really like that suga-san.’

after that you exchanged numbers and said your goodbyes, then you left

suga ran into the gym screaming to tell daichi what happened but he eavesdropped already

both noya and tanaka tackled him yelling what a lucky idiot he was

‘how do you get the pretty girl? tell us your ways, sugaaaa!’

after tanaka and noya let go of him he remained on the floor for a moment, pumping his fists in the air with the biggest smile on his face

daichi

man he was confused

you entered the room and he wasn’t able to speak or even breathe for a moment

‘captain shouldn’t you greet our new manager?~’ suga you idiot

then daichi snapped out of it and greeted you

sparks flew when he touched your warm, soft hand for a handshake

at first he couldn’t really concentrate on practice in constant fear to embarrass himself in front of you

that calmed down after suga and asahi gave him a speech about responsibility and dragging down the teams motivation

still looks at you a lot during practice though

you were so pretty and kind

one time he failed one of his exams and was pretty down because of it

‘i just don’t know what i did wrong! and i studied so much for it too.’

and you overheard him and offered to teach him since you were a real buff in that subject

and he was so grateful to you

next da he came to your classroom during lunch break

‘thank you so much y/n! sorry to bother you during lunch though.’

‘don’t mention it. i’ll just eat while you copy my notes! it is the least i could do.’

and he looked up ‘huh? what do you mean by that?’

‘well, when i first came into this gym... everything seemed pretty intimidating. all those responsibilities but you all were so nice and made me feel like i am part of something important. so i-...uh.. you know’ you suddenly got flustered

and you looked at daichi and he had such a mad blush on his face which made you redden even more

let’s just say the bell rang after that

daichi didn’t get to copy your notes so you borrowed him your notebook which he promised he would give you back tomorrow

he totally drew hearts all over his notebook while thinking of you

and when he finished he looked at his notes and thought

‘oh damn.’ poor baby realized

asahi

when you first entered the gym he thought you were pretty, like really pretty which scared him

he has pretty wild looks with his height and his beard and all and that made him fear that he would be intermediating you by approaching you so he kept his distance for a while

until you actually approached him what surprised him

and you talked to him so nicely and respectful without any sign of intimidation

in the opposite, you sounded as if you were trying not to scare him

from this moment on he felt it would be alright to initiate conversations with you but he didn’t know how

he really wanted to talk with you but he couldn’t think of a topic or an excuse

suga and noya noticed straight away and were quite amused let me tell ya

‘ASAHI JUST TALK TO HER ALREADY’

‘sorry noya, i just don’t have your confidence. you understand that, right suga?’

‘i don’t understand how such a scary looking guy can be such a goofball😗’

‘ugh-’

it was already a few weeks into you being the manager

one day the whole team was practicing serves and daichi hits the serve directly into your face

your nose was straight up bleeding and your eyes were tearing up

the whole team frantically ran towards you with daichi and asahi on the front line, daichi apologized hitting his head on the floor continiously, he felt really bad, but you told him to stop and that it wasn’t as bad as he thought

though your head really started spinning

‘should i bring you to the infirmary?’ daichi asked but got blocked by asahi

‘no, you are the captain. continue practice, i’ll go with her.’

that gained some thumbs up from noya and tanaka

asahi helped you up and the two of you walked back over the school grounds

‘ah! here have a tissue!’

‘thank you, azumane-san.’

‘no need for that! you can call me asahi.’

‘thank you, ashai, for the tissue and for walking with me.’ you repeated making asahi blush madly. he just nodded

‘does it hurt bad?’

‘uh, no not really but my head is spinning a bit.’ you chuckled

so the two of you are walking along the hallways to the infirmary, you holding a bloody tissue on your nose and asahi next to you

that was when it happened

students looked out of their classrooms they used for club activities and started observing you

and they started talking

‘omg, that guy. did he hit her?’

‘he looks pretty scary. should we call a teacher?’

‘god, that poor girl. did he beat her up?’

and you heard silent sobs next to you. asahi did not actually cry, but really tried not to, you could see that. his shoulders were hanging low and his eyes were focused on the floor. you had enough.

‘i just got a ball in my face, alright? asahi didn’t do anything.’ you leashed out but the whisper continued

‘i bet he told her to say that.’ ‘yeah.’

that finally broke asahi and with that it broke you too

you reached out your with hand, so he could see it. he was pretty confused at first but blushed seconds later when he understood what you meant

you wanted him to take it, so the students would see that you were not afraid of him

he looked up to your face, to your soft expression and knew that you wanted to be there for him

let’s just say he took it and the mumbling around you stopped

‘thank you, y/l/n.’

‘no need for that, asahi. you can call me y/n.’ you mimicked him with a smile

and he looked into your shining e/c eyes and even though you had a bloody nose and a red face, you were the most beautiful person in his eyes

and he realized, in that very moment, that he had already fallen very deep

nishinoya

you came in and his eyes became a little brighter

he would not be shy about finding you attractive like certain others but got really confused because he thought he would be loyal to kiyoko forever. but here you were, making his head spin like crazy

would definetly not hesistate to give you nicknames like ‘pretty girl’, ‘beauty’ or other but secretly thinks that those cannot express your beauty at all

you would be oblivious with his constant flirting since used to do the same with kiyoko

poor baby would get teased by tanaka nonstop but the bro he is would totally make an oath not to approach you

when you started as a manager noya would find many excuses to spend time with you

like: ‘you are new so it would be my honor to walk you to the gym’ or ‘you don’t know where to put those? let me show you. i’ll give you a tour through the gym.’

he would show up at your classroom at every break, help you carry stuff and eating lunch with you

he literally caught fire when you made him food once as thank you for being so nice

that was when he knew he had fallen for you

after all this years with kiyoko she had never done somethig this nice for him, he felt not only butterflies but an entire zoo in his stomach when he received your cooking, finally understanding what it feels like to have our feelings returned

but your oblivious ass still didn’t get that he was flirting with you

surprisingly he didn’t make a move on you directly

when he understood the feelings he had, he got really scared and came running to tanaka and suga

i mean he sure had adored kiyoko but with you it was different, he was in love

but the loving friends encouraged the libero and convinced him that you are a nice person who would not reject him. he still needed more so got some encouraging words from asahi.

after a few days mentally preparing himself he decided he would confess to you.

he would do it after practice

you and kiyoko were talking about strategies with coach ukai and takeda-sensei while the boys took down the nets and whiped the floor

the three of them took their leave leaving you behind because you decided to help by rolling the ball car back into the storage room and wanted to leave afterwards

but noya called you back

‘y/n! wait up! i’ll walk you home!’

‘you really don’t have to noya-san. my home isn’t even on your way.’

‘actually, i need to talk to you. can you wait for me?’ you nodded and he ran off to the locker rooms

so you waited for him by the gate. a few minutes later he came changed and with a little blush on his cheeks

‘hey. thanks for waiting!’ ‘of course, noya-san.’

he now blushed even worse. he loved it when you said his name.

‘so. you wanted to talk?’

‘uuuuuhhhhhhh’ he honestly didn’t

‘what is it noya-san? i’m not going to decapitate you or anything. just speak right away.’ you chuckled giving him some confidence. you sounded so cheerful it took away some of his fear of rejection

‘y/n.’ he stopped walking getting serious.

‘yes?’

‘i have fallen for you.’ he looked you deep in the eyes trying to see any kind of emotion and he saw it. sadness.

‘please don’t play with my feelings like this noya-san.’ you sounded so desperate and hurt. he was so confused

‘wha-’

‘don’t you think kiyoko-san tells me how you and tanaka-san are always after her? you aren’t treating me any different from her and if this is your kind of treating girls then i don’t want to be part of it. so if you say this to any other girl then please leave me out of it.’ by this time tears started running down your cheeks. ‘it really hurts you know? i am with you every day and am so happy but as soon as you leave...i can’t help but think you are running off to someone else and i can’t take that.’ noya didn’t know how to respond. how could you seriously think you were just like ‘any other girl’ to him

‘y/n.. please listen to me. i know you heard about shimizu-san but honestly? when i first saw you i wasn’t able to take my eyes of you. you are the smartest, kindest, prettiest girl in this world, so please don’t compare yourself to others. you are the only one for me and even if you reject my feelings i want you to know that they are real.’ now he was crying as well. ‘y/n-’ he wanted to continue but you cut him off by kissing him

noya.exe stopped working

but he was quick to return the kiss, placing one of his hands at the back of your neck and the other on your waist holding you close

it was kind of sad but in a beautiful way

you have been inseparable since

#sugawara koushi #sugawara x reader #daichi x reader #sawamura daichi #azumane asahi #asahi x reader #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yū #tanaka x reader #tanaka ryuunosuke #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader

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asthesamcroflies · 4 years

Text

REQUEST: Shattered

So, I had a request come in via messages, which is fine by the way, I can just post the details of it in order to reply publicly - I have to confess it’s something different for me, but I decided to give it a go to challenge myself. I don’t think I’ve ever written anything with that Son-on-Son vibe before, not for any particular reason, I just tend to have stuck closer to canon. Hopefully it’s not terrible lol - I did end up not going down the smut route, just cause I thought that slightly ambiguous, unspoken feel worked for this. I did kinda get all up in my own feels lol, so fingers crossed you guys like it...

Here’s the request details: Chibs, Tig, Juice (mentioned. Post series.) - Sad, Romantic, Smutty (if you want, it's not required) - 18, 15, 21 Past Chibs/Juice. Prez/VP dynamic. Chibs is shattered, he needs love, he needs peace of mind. Tiggy sees clearly this.

Prompt 18: “Please don’t do this.” 15: “Do you still think about her/him?” 21: “Would a kiss help?”

Shattered

It was late. Or early depending on how you wanted to look at it.

For once though, the Samcro clubhouse lay quiet and deserted. Almost. The new, eager-to-please prospect had tried to stay on to clear up, but had probably been barked at to get the hell out. That was an end to the night that was becoming more and more common – Sons, hangers-on and croweaters slipping away in the face of their stern president’s glare.

His vice president sighed heavily at that, wiping a hand over his face as he leaned in the doorway and took in the slumped shoulders and reaper on the back of the man he’d vowed to support come hell or high water. He could remember a time when the brash Scotsman was the life and rowdy soul of every fucking party.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, huh?

Tig knew, perhaps better than most, what it was to carry guilt, remorse, self-loathing. He’d been there for the near-apocalyptic series of clusterfucks that had torn right to the heart of their club and all but destroyed it, so he knew the burden Chibs now had to bear in trying to see what could be salvaged from the ashes – all while desperately trying not to ignite any simmering embers that could flare up and burn them all to the ground all over again.

But it never got any easier to see him struggle under that weight.

He was about to speak, to make his presence known, when Chibs downed whatever was left in his glass and slammed it down on the bar, before stumbling to his feet and crossing the room to stand in front of the framed mugshots of members past and present, those honoured and those who now hung upside down, crossed out, disgraced and a warning to those who may come after them not to stray too far from the club’s rules, spoken and unspoken.

Tig knew from his own reaction to that wall, once a source of pride, how deep it cut Chibs to see it now. In both their minds, Jax Teller still deserved better than to be remembered solely as having brought shame on the patch. Their young president had lost his way, had made mistakes – catastrophic mistakes at that – but he had suffered for it enough and, at the last, had owned his part in his own downfall. Those he had left behind couldn’t help but cling to their love for their young president, or else what had it all been for?

But they had to put up a façade to appease Packer and the other club presidents. They knew the enormity of Jax’s crimes and the price that had to be paid. It didn’t mean they had to like it.

But as Chibs’ hand reached out for a different photo, touching it lightly before his fingers curled into a tight fist, Tig knew there was a fate that was even more complicated for the Scot to come to terms with. He had loved Jax like a brother, like a son even. Juice … Juice had been something else.

That fist lashed out, shattering glass that bit into flesh and drew a hiss of pain, even through what was undoubtedly an alcohol-induced fog. But despite lifting the hand to examine the damage, despite seeing the shard of glass still embedded in it, Chibs only slowly clenched that fist again, forcing it deeper as blood seeped from the ragged wound.

Tig was the one who winced.

“Please don’t do this,” he blurted out, unable to witness any more of this without intervening.

Chibs slowly uncurled his fingers, never turning around. “Go home, Tiggy,” he murmured, the words slurred and his accent thicker than ever.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m gonna leave you in this fucking state,” his VP scoffed, finally galvanised into action and snatching up what he hoped was a clean cloth as he strode across the clubhouse to take charge. “Lemme see this mess. Jesus…”

He had to force himself to be less gentle than he’d have liked, for reasons he didn’t care to fully explore, but he was still careful as he examined the bloody hand Chibs had been left nursing, tutting over the shard of glass before slowly working it out and pressing the cloth to the wound to stem the bleeding. It looked worse than it was, but it was still bad enough.

“You might get away without stitches,” Tig decided. “So you wanna thank your lucky stars, brother, because I can’t sew for shit.”

“Lucky,” Chibs echoed dully, with a bitter little laugh. “Aye, that’s me – real fucking lucky. I need a damn drink…”

“No, you fucking don’t,” Tig insisted, grabbing him by the shoulders to steer him away from the bar and into a seat.

“Just leave me be, Tigger,” the weary president sighed, raking his uninjured hand through the salt and pepper of his hair. “I ain’t exactly good company right now.”

“What’s new?” Tig snarked, but there was nothing but sympathy and concern in those sharp blue eyes as he sat down opposite his closest of brothers. “You can’t go on like this, man. Ain’t right.”

“Got a choice, do I?” Chibs demanded, the raw agony in his voice and in his brown eyes making even his battle-hardened VP flinch. “Want me to throw up a rope and have done wi’ it? Like… Like Juice.”

Tig stood up so fast his chair overturned with a crash and he jabbed a furious finger in his friend’s face. “Don’t you fucking dare,” he seethed. “Don’t you fucking dare! Tell me that’s bullshit. Tell me you wouldn’t. Tell me!”

“Aye, aye, fine,” Chibs reneged, taken aback even through his haze by the strength of the response to his flippant suggestion. “Fuck, I … I ain’t taking that way out. I ain’t, brother. Sit the fuck down.”

Still furious, Tig glared at him the whole time he was righting his chair and banging it back into place, before sitting down opposite him again. “Asshole,” he snapped, his glare only intensifying when Chibs actually managed a little laugh, wiping his hand over his face.

“Ah, Tigger,” he sighed. “Good to know ya care, brother.”

“Course I fucking care, shithead,” came the heated response. “You think I stuck around for the good of my fucking health? I said I’d always have your back and I damn well meant it. So you don’t get to punk out on me like a little bitch.”

“Your TLC could use some work…”

“Fuck you.”

Chibs chuckled humourlessly. “Love you too, Tigger. You gonna at least let me have one wee drink now me hand’s stinging like a motherfucker?”

“You’ve already had the better part of one wee bottle, by the looks of things,” Tig grimaced, before relenting and getting up to retrieve a couple of glasses and the nearly empty bottle of whiskey, pouring them both a drink and downing his swiftly. He figured he had a lot of catching up to do.

Seeing Chibs’ gaze land somewhere over his shoulder, Tig looked around to follow it back to the photos on the wall and specifically to the one that now hung behind shattered glass. And not for the first time.

“Do you still think about him?”

It was a stupid question, Tig knew that. The answer couldn’t be more obvious. But it was actually the only way he could think to even broach the subject of something deeper.

“I let that lad down,” Chibs mumbled, taking another swig of his drink. “I coulda done somethin’, stopped it ever gettin’ that far.”

“He was a rat,” Tig reminded him, although not unkindly. “That’s on him.”

“He was an easy target,” Chibs shook his head. “He tried to come to me wi’ it. I didn’t hear him out. Not properly. We were all he had and I didn’t listen, didn’t see what was goin’ on in front o’ me own bloody nose.”

For a long moment, his VP could only sit in silence, musing on all the mistakes he’d made in his own life. The hurt he’d caused, to himself and his family, to others caught in his crossfire. He knew what it was to bear that burden. He didn’t want that for Chibs.

“What’s done is done,” he said finally. “Can’t change it, any of it. Can only learn from it. But you gotta let go, brother. You gotta let go or this is gonna eat you up from the inside out.”

“Easier said than done,” Chibs said quietly, his forced smile wry. “You know that.”

“I do,” Tig nodded, after a pause. “But I had you. And you’ve got me. So don’t forget that, you prick. You’ve got me. And I fucking need you. I can’t do any of this shit without you.”

Chibs looked up at the crack in his VP’s voice to find Tig was the one with his head down now. Slowly, he reached out to let his fingers trail through those wild dark curls.

“Oi,” he said roughly. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere, you hear me?”

“Didn’t sound like that,” Tig mumbled. “Never does when you start talking like that.”

“Look at me,” Chibs demanded, finally trying to pull himself together at the realisation of what he’d done. “Look at me, Tigger. I ain’t goin’ anywhere. I promise you, my brother.”

“How do I know you ain’t just bullshitting me again?”

“When have I ever lied to you? About anything serious?” Chibs demanded, albeit with a swift amendment to account for the creative ways he had been known to get around his VP when he had to.

“You said you’d stop blaming yourself.”

The hurt beneath the accusatory tone stopped the Scotsman dead and he reached out to rest a hand on his VP’s shoulder. “I am trying, brother.”

“I know,” Tig sighed, covering the hand with his own ringed fingers. “I know.”

Chibs pulled him close. “Would a kiss help?” he murmured, already planting a firm kiss on the other man’s cheek.

“You ain’t getting off that light, asshole.”

Chibs could only laugh at that despite himself, his lips grazing skin again. “Ah, Tigger, last two standing… Never thought it would be us.”

“As long as it ain’t just me,” came the quiet, yet fervent response.

It was a sentiment that both warmed and broke Chibs’ heart.

#soa #sons of anarchy #soa fanfiction #soa prompts #soa requests #chibs telford #tig trager #juice ortiz #jax teller

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moonblssm · 5 years

Text

a little cliche throwback 50s!jaehyun au for my bby @injuwun!

it’s pretty cliche and you knew it

you were the new kid, the one who scored a job at the local diner everyone hung around right when you came to town

it wasn’t long before you learned how to deal with the certain types of cliques around this town

and learned who was who

no one was ever really rude to you,,,it’s just some people didn’t fully appreciate the servers at the diner

nonetheless you didn’t care, you were just here to get some extra money so you could buy yourself a new pair of converse

but there was one person who always made sure you felt appreciated

jung jaehyun was always hanging around with a small number of his large group of friends from the only high school everyone went to

you knew a few of them too: doyoung was in your art class, mark had zoology with you, haechan was the underclassmen whose locker was next to yours

they greeted you often and shared smiles whenever you would make eye contact

but jaehyun was the one who always made sure to talk to you as he waited for his order, the one who would help you close up the restaurant when you were working your night shift

you were thankful of course, but didn’t think much of it

because why would he choose you out of all the girls that would swoon over him?

with his bright smile, fluffy hair that always looked right,,,,his perfect skin and his pretty deep laugh

and his button ups over a t-shirt and his shoulders always bearing a sports jacket

he was a member of leadership and was an officer for two clubs at your school

he was the type of person who had girls confessing to him at least once every two weeks, gently rejecting them and kindly telling them that he wasn’t interested with a sweet smile

he was popular, that’s for sure, but he didn’t think he was

his humbleness just added to his charms that would affect everyone, including much of the customers that you would serve

you were fully aware of his reputation and were just sure that his kindness towards you was a natural act

little did you know that you had caught his eye and he didn’t do this to nearly anyone else

one night was particularly busy

it was the night of the homecoming game at the high school and everyone was at the diner for a pregame meal

staff was short today because the two employees that were supposed to be working with you were either sick or at the field covering the game for their class

your manager wasn’t even there

so it was just you, a chef, and one of haechan’s friends chenle that you have grown to baby

many times, your patience was tested by the rudeness of the group of middle schoolers no one liked when they sent back the correct burger,,,,they just wanted to make everything harder than it already was

or the several times someone spilled their drink that night,,,,,one of them being a strawberry milkshake

and even the family from out of town with an infant and a six-year-old who took forever to order

but there was nothing you could do about it as you weren’t about to walk out or just leave chenle and the chef to do all the work

no other than jaehyun was there that night with sicheng, doyoung, johnny, and yuta, watching as you dealt with customers as patiently as possible

not even complaining even when you got to the kitchen to take plates that were ready

eventually, everyone started clearing out as game time drew closer and you could finally get of your feet

there was only one more table still present in the diner so you told your coworkers to go take a break,,,you woukd handle it until they left

chenle: you’re an actual angel *kisses your cheek*

cleaning all the tables, you collapsed into the high chair at the counter after wiping the surface clean

huffing and blowing some stray hairs out of your face as you buried your head into your arm

the drink fountain turned on and you assumed it was one of the other employees until you heard a cup being placed in front of you and the seat next to you being taken

you were surprised when you sat up and looked at the person in front of you

it was jaehyun, wearing a smile that was enough to take at least some of your tiredness away

“drink some water. you look kind of dehydrated.”

that was all he could say before you heard the last customer calling for you

you started to get up, but jaehyun placed a hand on your shoulder to prevent you from getting up and stood up himself

still in shock, you could only watch as he walked away to the table and start conversing with them

“hi, i’m jaehyun. y/n went on her break, so i’ll be taking care of you if you need anything for the rest of the night.”

mentally praising him, you finally picked up the glass and took a sip of water,,,,closing your eyes feeling the refreshing cold liquid run down your throat

you proceeded to gulp the rest down not knowing how long it had been since you consumed anything

when you opened your eyes, you see jaehyun standing in front of you

when he saw your wide eyes he laughed, smoothly taking the check from your apron then making his way back to the table

and then back to you

“we’re closing in a few minutes, but thank you,” you quietly said. “you don’t have to stay any longer, you’re missing a lot of the game right now.”

he shrugged and sat down in the seat next to you. “i’m more of a baseball fan anyway. besides, i always help you close don’t i?”

he gave you another one of his smiles and you didn’t know what else to do but smile back

after a moment of the two of you just looking at each other, the two of you started to clean up after he told chenle and the chef to go home early; he would help you clean up, he didn’t mind

you didnt either

he flipped the sign and the two of you got to work, making small talk as you cleaned

“so jaehyun you like baseball better than football?”

“hmm.”

“good, it’s my favorite sport.”

but then, right as the two of you were walking out, he said something that caught you off guard

“hey, do you wanna go watch the new movie with me?”

stunned, you nearly ran into the door of the diner

“you don’t have to be home yet do you?” he asked without waiting for your answer

you shook your head and that’s all it took for him to grab your hand after locking the diner door

pulling you into his car, he dropped the keys of the diner back into your hand and drove off in the direction of the drive ins

apparently, you still looked stunned because he had to say

“relax, i don’t want you to be freaked out on our first date.”

date?! he said date, freaking you out even more

pulling into the parking lot, jaehyun just laughed before turning the radio to the audio of the movie

even when you were still wearing your clothes from work, a white button up tucked into some red and white checkered pants

your hair half up in a subtle barrette

you still looked more beautiful than anyone had ever seen

the way you worked so hard even when you were already exhausted at the diner, making the customers feel as comfortable as possible

the way a blush rose to your cheeks whenever he smiled at you

you thought he didn’t notice but he did

they way your hands still looked so soft even after all the dishes you had to do and all the plates you had to carry

he had only known you for a few months but there was nothing he wanted more than to take you out and be able to be yours

you were so much more different than all the girls that confessed to him

you were shy, but your facial expression always exposed you

jaehyun knew he was supposed to be watching the movie but he couldn’t focus because all he kept thinking about was whether or not he should hold your hand

“are you okay, jaehyun? your ears are turning red.”

his hands shot up to cover his ears as a sheepish smile showed on his face. he assured you he was fine and you turned your attention back to the screen

he couldn’t help it

you felt a warm hand grab yours and interlace your fingers

your cheeks turned red as you looked at him but the both of you just shyly smiled at each other

letting him hold your hand, you tried to focus back on the movie but you could feel his gaze on you

after a minute or two, you looked back at jaehyun and what you saw made you feel small in your seat

he locked his eyes with yours, looking at you lovingly before dipping his face down to meet yours

as he closed the gap between your lips, your eyes fluttered closed and you felt him bring his left hand up to your neck to tilt your face closer to his

jaehyun started to feel like this was a complete mistake, he shouldn’t have just kissed you so suddenly

until he felt you smile and kiss him back before pulling back

the both of you turned your smiles to your windows, both embarrassed but happy as the two of you finished the movie

outside your house, after he had driven you home, the two of you stood facing each other with your fingers linked

thanking him, you reached up and kissed the corner of his mouth, telling him to take you out on a date again soon

and walked into your house leaving him in shock

because even though you were always hospitable to all the customers, he never expected you to have a sudden burst of confidence

especially when he was already very very flustered by how soft your lips were LOL

❀ posted 190225.

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pantsusnifferr · 4 years

Text

2019, healed up and ready to work towards a better 2020

As per the tradition I started last year, (haha can barely be called a tradition with it only being a year old.) am gonna be writing down my thoughts and reflections about the previous year, before penning down my thoughts and goals for the year looking forward.

Even though I had a lot of goals last year (maybe some more optimistic than others) some which I ultimately didn’t accomplish, I still managed to hit some those goals and accomplish a lot more!

These are the goals I had last year:

1. BE SERIOUS WITH ART

2. BE HEALTHIER (SUCCESS)

3. MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS WITH FRIENDS (SUCCESS AND MORE!)

4. LEARN HOW TO DRIVE (LOL)

5. LEARN NIP SPEAK

6. LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE BASS

7. RESTART YOUTUBE/TWITCH

8. TAKE STEPS TO IMPROVE BUSINESS (Succ)

Maybe I’m casting my net too wide, maybe I wasn’t exactly serious about those goals in the first place...who knows?

But the fact that I came into 2019 as an unhealthy, Lonely wreck with a crazily unstable business, and emerged from it with double the sales of last year, drastically improved health (still fat though haha) and people whom i care about (and i hope they care about me too), is a really comfy feeling altogether.

2019 is really a roller coaster with its fair share of ups and downs but I’d like to think that the past year alone has presented me with a lot of opportunities that i have thankfully taken. (As opposed to the me a couple of years before who’d stupidly let these opportunities pass as i would be too lazy or couldn’t be arsed.) Watching a friend of mine do the things she wanted without fear of the unknown just made me want to try more and live more!

Health ♥

I started the year badly when my endocrinologist told me that i might develop diabetes over the next couple of years if i didn’t take care of my health properly. I was already a doomer about my health at that point, thinking that everything would be too hard to do and it was probably too late for me to do anything about it....in hindsight perhaps it was because i probably needed that kick in the balls to get my arse off to do something about it.

It was only until a couple of months down the road i had a skin cancer + kidney failure health scare that got me wanting to better my health. Now THAT was the perfect kick in the nuts i needed. At the moment, health issues wasn’t the only thing that was coursing through my mind. I WANTED TO LIVE.

Perhaps it was the realisation that i haven’t really lived at all, perhaps it was the realisation that my life was in a mess and i wasn’t satisfied. Maybe its the realisation that i lack control in my life all these times.

I don’t really know to be honest, all i know is it made me want to try. To try to live more to try to be healthier...afterall there’s nothing wrong with trying right?

So i started with my diet, and i found out that counting calories and eating healthy food actually isn’t that bad at all! In fact a lot of my favourite meals are actually pretty healthy! Just gotta cut out the garbage...

And Running! Oh my god...it isn’t like how PE classes were like back in Primary or secondary school! Couch to 5k is really fun to do and I’m so Glad my friends whom offered to teach me how to gym back then are open to the idea of me joining them again. Also went hiking with other friends and hit the gym together with them too!

All in all I’ve lost about 17kg in total and I’m on the track to lose even more in this coming year. Also i ended the year with my lab reports where my blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol and kidneys is healthy and fine!!

School 🏫

So 2019 is also the year which I’ve started school for the first time in 4 years...(haha 8 years if you don’t count NYP and their ‘school’ stuff. I felt surprisingly at ease during my lessons and studying for the exams, (granted i missed a couple of assignments if not i would’ve gotten an A for my marketing module grrr)

Still, i should study a little harder and not rely on the power of last min cramming aaa..

That being said, things will be looking forward as Long as i could keep my grades up!

3.6 GPA though, 73% reee

ART 🎨

Haha i drew Peni Parker this year...Didn’t sell any though, but it still remains one of my proudest pieces as of yet. Also i did a reprint of the Sayori keychain and I sold out for another year! Yay!

I’m Glad i got to meet new friends and some other anons who’re in the pursuit of doing art. A little disappointed that i didn’t go further into it last year but here’s to a better art year in 2020 yeah?

FRIENDS AND RELATIONSHIPS 🐝

Managed to be a better person overall and fixed my personal insecurities, made new friends and found closer friends with those who’re important to me. I tried to be more outgoing and open minded with the people i meet and to the people around me. Hanging out with friends, trying new things and working with each other to grow as people is something I’d want to do even more in the coming year.

I am so Glad i found people who’re as like minded as me. Online and offline, in the beginning of this year, a friend from Finland came over to visit Singapore and i hung out with her together with new and old friends. Made me feel like a normie for the first time in my life. 10/10 will do again.

Although its a shame that i wasn’t able to do the same for my extended family, mainly my cousins and childhood friends. I Guess over the years we’ve just become different people with different lives. I even managed to miss one of their 21st birthday parties oof...

I’m going to double my efforts to try and reconnect with them again! They’re important to me and i should treat them as such!

COMPANY 📈

Nothing much to say here, even though business in the individual months were pretty garbage, we’ve still managed to emerge from the year with 100k more in sales than the previous year! Bringing that total to almost $250k in sales!

Still not a huge fan of plants and stuff tbh, but i really cannot deny that this business provides me with financial stability (at least for the time being) that allows me to pursue my other interests and hobbies.

Also by some miracle we’ve managed to keep a 5.0 rating for the entire year lmao. Also did our first corporate and wedding gifts!

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS OF THE YEAR

Got a Nintendo switch!

Found more gaming and weeb friends!

Made contact with old classmates and friends!

Got a new camera!

So what’s next for 2020?

I want to have less regrets! Become a nicer and kinder person, yet be firm in my principals. LIVE MORE! EXPERIENCE MORE! DON’T BE AFRAID, DON’T BE LAZY

HARD WORK AND GUTS!

Rekindle ties with those whom i deem important to me.

Start my YouTube channel as a Vtuber and myself

Start YouTube channel for company

Join the weeb club to find more gamer weeb friends!

Study hard!

Learn weebspeak maybe?

Continue to work hard for health and company!

Learn 2 songs on either the bass on ukulele

Draw at least ONCE A MONTH (shouldn’t be too hard do it lazyass!)

Be more confident and social!

Here’s to an awesome 2020!

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 6 years

Text

Rewatching Syren

The little mermaid is my favourite ondertale episode

What kind of dystopia do these poor Parisians live in where stuff like this is happening even when there aren’t akuma attacks going on??? ignore Pocahontas in the corner okay that’s just the Disney Channel thing, the sequel sucks anyway

Uh just a warning. So, I know in these rewatching ml posts I always harp on about Kimax this, Kimax that, Kimax Kimax Kimax. But the truth is that after 2 seconds of seeing Ondine onscreen I already wanted her to marry Kim so be prepared for me screeching over Kimdine a lot in this thing okay, I am TRASH and I’m not even sorry about it

How much do you wanna bet Kim has broken every single one of these rules multiple times

HE PINNED HIS TOWEL TO HIS SHOULDERS LIKE A CAPE, HE’S SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM???

I love Ondine so much too, she’s basically buff freckly Ariel and she’s so cute oh my god freckles for days

Okay so the sign’s in a bunch of different languages and I’m 99% sure Kim has ignored it many, many times

He didn’t put his goggles on when he went underwater, and actually neither of their swimming caps cover all their hair ugh they’re both disasters, I love them

She’s BLUSHING and everything how does Kim not notice this??? He’s all like “oh that boy you like must be so dumb lol” well yeah Kim, yeah HE IS

Can I gush for a second about Ondine’s design?? They actually made her look like a swimmer, like with big shoulders and arms everything, and she’s fairly tall, and she’s got freckles everywhere (at least 40 on her face alone, I counted) and thick eyebrows and it all just makes her super GORGEOUS like yes can we get more character designs like these please?? (And KIM OH MY GOD LOOK AT YOU you’ve got it bad and you don’t even realize skdjfhksjdhkj)

Oh btw Ondine’s bracelet is 023 and Kim’s is 024, in case you wanted some useless information

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we, as a fandom, are sleeping on the fact that Kim can stick his toe in his ear and that Ondine thinks it’s cute and this is actually a canon thing that is canon

He even passes her the notebook with his feet?? Sometimes I wonder what she sees in him but then I remember I want to adopt him so like, there must be something

Reason #3274598347 why Kimdine are a great couple: they really must trust each other a hell of a lot considering they literally have a game where they spill their secrets to each other, like, they’re already close friends and know so much about each other and oh okay I may be using this rewatching post to just gush about my fav underrated canon otp oops

He still likes Chloé at this point? Really?? Really??? (And he’s just gonna casually leave the pool before knowing for sure that the animal attack is over? I guess he just expects to be able to outrun those panthers huh)

SHE EVEN DREW HEARTS ON IT AND EVERYTHING, THAT’S SO ADORABLE??? KIM PLEASE NOTICE HER OKAY I WILL PERFORM THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY MYSELF

In the English dub at this point he literally calls her a “little mermaid”, huh maybe that Pocahontas icon in the corner isn’t totally irrelevant after all (also he implies this is nowhere near the first time Ondine has tried to confess her feelings, so basically Kim can join Adrien in the “she’s just a friend” club)

RENA’S BAAAAAAACK AHHH I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE HER AGAIN, ALYA GETS TO BE A HERO AGAIN AND I’M SO PROUD

That eyeliner

Grumpy Chat gives me life okay, it’s so funny to me for some reason

Uh... it’s not just me who thinks Rena looks really, really pale, is it?

Alya just straight-up flirts with Ladybug, she’s not even being subtle

WHEN ONDINE CRIES I CRY

The lifeguard doesn’t even wait a second when Syren turns up, he just starts running, what a mood

MARKOV IS BACK!!! MY LIL ROBOT BABY!!! And Max too, I’m always glad to see him

I genuinely want to watch Mecha Monkey vs Cyber Shark 3 though

Kim’s hair really Did That

Question: did Markov need a ticket?

Look at Kim in the background being sad that Chloé didn’t show up omg

Tfw the guy you like is so oblivious that you cry enough to flood an actual city

WHY ARE ALL KWAMIS ALWAYS SO ADORABLE *flips table*

I’m actually really proud of Marinette, she’s been put into such a tough situation where she wants to tell Chat Noir the truth but isn’t allowed, and she’s trying to do something to change that because she trusts him and understands his frustration

Mmmmm cronchy

This lil elephant decor got me thinking, how cool would an elephant miraculous be?

This poor boy is just sitting alone being emo when he’s attacked by the floods

HNSDFJSHDNFJSHDF I’M NOT OVER THIS

I’m not Plagg or anything but that stuff genuinely sounds really good okay

My little brother’s reaction to Plagg hyperventilating into a sock was “big mood” and honestly? Tea

CLASSMATES!!! Nino getting a slight amount of screentime!! Good stuff

What’s Max up to? “Psst Markov, do you think Kim will ever love me?” He looks sad okay I wanna give him a hug

Ah yes, my favourite companies, “Cinema Productions” and “Film Studio”

Alya clinging onto Nino!!!

An interesting thing is that while Syren is one of the nicest (if not THE nicest) akuma villains, I’m pretty sure she has the highest death toll by far. Tidal waves and mass flash-flooding in a major city?? Thousands and thousands of people have gotta be dead and you know it, like imagine if she’d accidentally killed Kim too, that would have been awkward

Marinette and Alya being heroes and making sure everyone got out okay omg, they’re heroes even without the mask

There really are not many survivors up on these rooftops, are there...

Kim is just on another level of Iconic entirely??? Paris is flooded with his future bae’s tears and he puts on a swimming cap and goggles (which he doesn’t use) and immediately leaps into the water, and then tells Markov (who is a tiny robot and allergic to water) to learn to swim like a frog, what even goes through his brain

THEIR FACES AKJFHKSDJHFSKJDHKG

*dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN DUN*

“KIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!” Here is the mandatory Kimax part of the rewatching post -- Max is so worried for Kim??? He’s the first one to react and the only one to like, properly react??? Ugh my multishipper heart

The fact that Alix went to look means either she does at least slightly care about Kim, or she’s just super hyped to watch him drown, and I’m not sure which is funnier tbh she’s so fake though unlike Alya she just stands there not even trying to look

Me trying to row anything, ever

Alix has one single line in the entire episode and as usual, it’s the BEST line

*physically restrains myself from making a Shape of Water reference because it’s been done so many times by now*

My small brother laughs a lot at this scene because he says it reminds him of the time Chat Noir put a bowl on Prince Ali’s head and now I can’t unsee it

This hurts me in my soul okay, she wants to tell him but she caaaaaan’t

Huh, Fu managed to get a lot of stuff up on the roof with him, how’d he have time for that?

Lemme just cover my nonexistent ears for a sec

The best thing about this scene is that all the jokes Marinette tells aren’t even funny, I’m honestly cackling with laughter

AQUATIKKI. AQUATIC. I ONLY JUST GOT THAT OMG

Also?? These new costumes??? I love them holy moly

Fu has cobra venom... bro... listen I researched that stuff for a certain fic and uh you don’t want that stuff lying around, trust me, it is NOT A PLEASANT WAY TO GO

I know my first reaction to this should not be laughter, but it’s just so funny seeing Adrien being bratty for once okay this is g r e a t, ah yes Paris being FLOODED and UNDER ATTACK is a very good time to take off your ring

Heartfelt Plagg!!! I love him

So uh... if Kim is Syren’s prince... does that make him... Prince Kim... AHEM ANYWAYS that throne she made for him is so cute and I can’t believe he doesn’t even care that he got kidnapped by an akuma villain ‘cause hey, it’s a hot shredded mermaid therefore Kim’s a scalie and it’s CANON

So he’s all like “I’ve never seen a siren at the pool before??” which means that 1. He doesn’t realize she’s an akuma villain, he just genuinely thinks she’s a siren who actually lives in Paris, and 2. he knows what a siren is and doesn’t put 2+2 together that this particular siren has chosen him as prey and is luring him into staying underwater with her forever

I legit think about this scene every single day. The writers were probably like “okay so we need a mermaid episode, which kid in the class would be most likely to be seduced by a m-- KIM. IT WOULD BE KIM.” He’s just realized this freckly fish is Ondine and that she’s in love with him and just... hhhh I have a lot of feels it’s like 1am okay

He wants to be a merman so that he can swim fast, that’s so Kim of him I’m in tears omg, Syren doesn’t even care she’s just being a creepy fish with 100 freckles on her face (I counted) tempting him into staying with her at whatever cost

Asjdhskdjhfksjd he KNOWS she’s an akuma villain and still wants to kiss her?? Well to be fair Ondine’s evil yandere mersona is very pretty and Kim never really uses his brain for thinking, so... yeah

“Okay so I want to kiss u but I also wanna watch this movie DO U SEE MY DILEMMA” I love his reasoning so much

My exact reaction on seeing Ladybug’s new outfit

Look how happy she is to see Chatfish in his new costume!! Bless them both tbh, I’m a lil sad we didn’t get to see Aqua-Plagg though, how amazing would that have been

Kim geeking out over their costumes is not only such a mood but also it’s adorable and oh shoot I ship him with Ladybug too, I have too many Kim ships I swear

HE LOOKS SO SAD WHEN HE’S TALKING ABOUT HOW ONDINE GOT AKUMATIZED?? I’m like 99% sure at this point he’s realized he likes her too and probably feels so bad about unknowingly causing her to be upset enough to get akumatized omg my HEART okay I should stop endlessly gushing over Kimdine now shouldn’t I

“You wanna know my secret???” Okay wait, was he... was he about to stick his toe in his ear in front of Ladybug

Oooh do French numberplates actually do this thing? like, have numbers on top of each other like that? That’s pretty interesting

I work at a doctor’s surgery and I can tell you now, even Master Fu’s handwriting is more legible than half the stuff I have to decipher written by those darn doctors

ERBAL EDARIUM

I wonder what would happen if Tom actually ate one of those

You gotta love how unsubtle that Frozer foreshadowing is

For the first time in the episode, she’s actually wearing her goggles!

The fact that he asks her out?? Using their secrets game?? Is just so sweet?? They just care about each other so much look at them?? Ugh just get married already you freaking scalie disaster jocks

I know Nathalie’s sorting out a schedule but it kiiiinda looks like she’s playing Tetris lol

UHHH HEY MASTER FU?? QUICK QUESTION, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ADRIEN’S CHINESE TUTOR?? HE’S NOT... SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES... IS HE?

YEAH ME TOO ADRIKINS, I’M HELLA SUSPISH

On the one hand Gabe yelling at Nooroo makes me want to punch him, but on the other hand he’s literally asking outright how to become a mermaid

THERE’S AQUA-PLAGG!! YES!!! I know this end card was more cringey originally and they changed it, but it’s still cringey ngl

(And idk where else to put this but fun fact: there’s a Septimus Heap book called Syren and it’s rly good, it doesn’t have any fishybugs and chatfish in it but it’s good)

#kimdine is a WONDERFUL ship you guys are just cowards #miraculous ladybug #random stuff #rewatching ml #next up: frightningale

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paramemetual · 6 years

Text

Get It Together (Part 3)

This is at like chapter 12 on AO3 I’m just lazy here you go lol

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165397/chapters/32650680

Over the course of their friendship, the Activity Club and the “Jang” merged, hanging out more and more. Izzy, Ed, Isaac, and Max worked to be better influences on Ollie, Stephen, RJ, and Johnny, who in turn tried to cause as much semi-violent chaos as possible.

Near death and near punishable by death situations drew the group closer together, and this was solidified by countless movie nights and trips to the lake. It also clued the groups in on obvious mushy feelings between two of their friends.

“So when exactly are you going to tell him?” Izzy said, plopping her lunch tray down next to Max, who was staring at his food. Johnny managed to get a lunch detention by speaking up when the substitute refused to use they/them pronouns for RJ. He, Max, Stephen, Cody, Izzy, Ed, and Ollie had after school detention for two weeks, but Johnny managed to snag a lunch detention. It left Max oddly lonely, even though all of his other friends were on their way or already at the table they usually sat at.

“What do you mean?” Max asked, crunching on some cafeteria ‘Mashed potatoes’.

“Dude, Johnny has missed thirteen days of school in the past eighteen months, and every time you look like a puppy that was drowned in tears.” Ed materialized behind Izzy.

“So what do you want me to tell him? That we’re friends?”

“I can’t tell if he’s being snarky of if he’s actually that stupid.” Izzy narrowed her eyes.

“I think he’s stupid.” Ed nodded. “That is genuine confusion.”

“What?”

“He’s pining and he doesn’t even know it.”

“What?” Max shrieked, not at all like an eight year old girl. "I am not pining- I-"

“Ed, text Isaac he’s gonna lose it.” Izzy grinned.

“Will do.” Ed whipped out his phone.

“Now, Max, because you’re so emotionally detached, this will be hard to hear.” Izzy began. “But you look at Johnny middlename Jhonny like he hung the moon.”

“He regularly carries you in his arms.”

“You fell asleep on top of him in Spender’s car after we brought him to fight that one metal guy.”

“He caught on fire because you hugged him after we all almost died.”

“You looked like you were going to catch on fire when you took him to the movies that one time.”

“You welded him things.”

“You are both pining so hard. It hurts us.” Isabella finished.

“I- I am not- he- I-” Max spluttered, face burning.

“Max, you’re pining.” Ed told him.

“So when are you gonna tell him?”

“No?” Max tried.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Izzy asked.

“Well saying ‘never would confirm your wild accusations, so No.”

“You literally just confirmed it with that statement.” Ed told Max.

“C’mon, no time like the present?” Izzy asked him as Max put his head onto the table.

“Johnny.”

Ollie and Stephen could not get Johnny to answer, because he was staring aggressively at the wall while occasionally sparking and smoking from his hair and arms. The Jang thought it was flipping sweet that they had bonfire for a friend, but this was getting worrying.

“Johnny?” RJ tried. Emotionally supporting friends is the most metal thing you can ever do. Johnny finally turned eyes narrowed and pointed at the floor in concentration. It was midnight at Ollie’s house.

“Guys.” He said.

“What’s up dude, you okay?” Ollie asked.

“I do believe I’ve got’n myself a code Swingset.” Johnny told him, still staring at the ground.

“Oh yeah, we figured.” Stephen said.

“What ?”

“Johnny you look at Max like he painted the sky.” RJ told him. Metaphors are also metal.

“You regularly carry 'im in your arms.”

“You broke into his house at four in the morning because you missed him.”

“He let you stay even though you broke into his house at four in the morning.”

“You caught on fire when he hugged you.”

“He took you to the movies.”

“You fought four East Hill thugs on your own, because one punched him.”

“You’ve been pining for a while bud, and so has he.” RJ finished.

“I hate that.” Johnny said. “I can’t punch feelings.”

“Well, you can act on em’” Stephen announced. “We’ve got your back you short lovesick fool.”

“I’ll pummel you, ya giant freakazoid.”

“After we help you kiss kiss fall in love.”

“Ollie-”

“OHSHC is a classic Stephen- RJ shut up- you know what I mean!”

Johnny put his head onto the table next to him.

Due to the realized pining, the following meetings between Max and Johnny were awkward, to say the least. Johnny stared a bit too long at him when Max was laughing, and Max kept ducking his head and avoiding eye contact while talking. Their respective friend groups were now dead set on ending the pining and just getting them together.

“And then I tell the guy, no, I ain’t done hangin yer back pack from this tree,” Johnny says, continuing an anecdote form one of his first encounters with an East Hill kid.

“What was he even going to do, I guarantee you they can’t climb a thing in those dumb uniforms” Max said.

“Exactly, so he can’t get me, or ‘is bag.” Johnny nodded. “So I’m thinkin’ I’m free as a bird, but-”

From the bushes nearby, Isaac and RJ watched, waiting for the two to pass. When they finally did, RJ stuck their hand out and grabbed Max’s akle, tripping him.

Max fell, but before he could smack his head on something or even get close enough to the ground to, Johnny caught him.

“You good Mux?” Johnny asked. Max wasn’t one to trip over air.

“I- uh, yeah. hey, th-thanks man.” Max replied as Johnny pulled him upright.

“Never took you ta be so clumsy.” Johnny said.

“I’m usually not and you know it, hothead.” Max told him. “THe sidewalk was probably raised or something.”

“Yeah sure, I think ya might just be losin’ yer touch.” Johnny said. The two continued walking, and Isaac and RJ didn’t miss the fact that they were still holding hands.

Next time the Jang and the Activity club got to work on Operation BullyMagnet was a little trickier. They waited for Max and Johnny to invite everyone somewhere, something that rarely happened, and then they would proceed to “leave” early and end with Max and Johnny alone.

“See ya man, sucks that ya all had ta leave so soon.” Johhny said, clapping Ollie on the back.

“Next time for sure buddy.” Ollie said, the door of the diner shutting behind him.

“Well, that wasn’t weird at all.” Max said.

“Whatcha mean?”

“Everyone just kind of, suspiciously left, and I’m pretty sure that’s Izzy behind the tree outside.” Max replied, chewing on the straw of his soda.

“I think I’m startin’ ta see where you’re comin’ from, but why’d they all leave just to go all missio imposs’ble?” Johnny asked.

“I dunno, but after we eat, you wanna play Mario Kart at your place?”

“Can I be Bowser?”

“Last time you were Bowser you almost broke the wii remote.”

“That’s the point, Muxie.”

“It literally isn’t, but sure, you can be Bowser.”

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chromemuffin · 6 years

Text

Quan Zhi Gao Shou / The King’s Avatar Novel (Vol. 1, Ch. 1-10)

How these liveblogs work: I read five chapters of the manhua at a time, then the equivalent chapters in the novel. This is probably going to take forever seeing as there are 800+ translated chapters available as of the time of writing this post and over 1000 chapters total, buuut at least each chapter is short.

Fair warning: I always sound as if I don’t like what I’m reading or I’m criticizing it (just read my captive prince liveblog lol...), but I am actually enjoying it immensely.

Volume 1: Banished Battle God

Chapter 1: The Banished Battle God

My first comment of the entire novels: What is with the “eccentrically-shaped ashtray”? It doesn’t specify what this ashtray looks like, only that it’s unusual. Why include this detail in the first place if you’re not going to tell us what it’s actually shaped like? Now I need to know!

This was also in the manhua, but I didn’t bother bringing it up then: Why was the first bit of dialogue translated as “Arrived”? I’m pretty sure it’s this character: 来. I never managed to learn enough Chinese to be worth a damn, but I do Japanese to English translations on the side and I’m pretty sure a loose translation would work better. idk, it just bothers me. Don’t mind me, though. I like nitpicking over translation stuff. And I won’t get to do much more of it.

Anyway.

“He gently removed the card from Glory’s dedicated log-in device.”

I love this description, a little throwaway word ‘gently’ tells so much about Ye Xiu as a guy who really loves and respects this game. I think he already know what is in store for him to some extent, but he doesn’t take it out on the game. In fact, he was playing right up until it was time for the meeting. The novel states that the manager didn’t even him any advanced notice, I’m assuming of their decision to remove him from the team, but that Yu Xiu also wasn’t surprised.

“Only they quickly recovered because there was another important person that deserved their attention.”

Hm, pretty girl or new team leader asshole? Tough decision indeed.

Ah, ok. So that’s the deal with his pseudonym. It’s so close to his real name (in English lettering at least) that I confuse the two. But it’s far easier to tell the difference when I look at the characters 叶修 / 叶秋.

It’s kind of confusing because (at least in the translation), he is referred to as his alias Ye Qiu in this chapter, whereas the summary and other places refer to him as Ye Xiu.

lol “Mine!” How shameless.

“After one year, even if he wanted to return again, for the elderly, without a year of intense competition to maintain his skills...”

‘for the elderly’ is just...hilarious because he’s only 25. that’s not old. (well, in this game’s context it is, but geez is that an early cut-off age)

Chapter 2: Area 3 Number 47

“As tactful as he is, he wouldn’t think to blame the club for retiring him.”

But that’s?? exactly?? what happened??? You’re already kicking him out after all he did for the team over the years. I mean, it’s a sound business decision, but no need to be so nasty about it. The stuff Ye Xiu pulls off in-game aside, he seems to be a relatively decent person, even going as far as helping out his friends to the point where he doesn’t have enough left to pay the penalty fee, whatever amount that is.

Ah, Su Mucheng, I like her the more times I read these opening scenes across the various media...She has a cute character design in the animation, which I watched when it came out, but she actually turns out to be quite mature and adorably worried/supportive.

Icicles also formed on his head. If he didn’t take shelter, he would die.

Seems a bit dramatic, but so is icicles forming on your head!! It must be really, really cold out, huh...

Su MuCheng was always gentle and serene. Even during in an intense PK confrontation, she always held a smile. Speaking about her, Ye Qiu sometimes watched as she smiled while causing her opponents to explode into pieces. When she then politely said sorry, he would always inexplicably tremble a bit.

ah, yes, I’m pretty sure the animation skips this observation, which builds a bit more character for Su Mucheng since we don’t see her again for a bit. Ye Xiu, also, seems a bit more “alive” in a sense in the manhua/novel, because of little comments like these.

Chen Guo is also a fun character ^.^ “She slammed the keyboard directly shutting down the game.” definition of a rage quit, huh.

Chapter 3: Special Duty: Night Shift

“My hands were frozen cold or else 30 seconds would’ve been enough.”

show off. Though he doesn’t really come off as showing off. The poor opponent must have been so confused, though. Wins 52 times in a row and suddenly gets beat in 40 seconds flat haha.

“Ye Xiu… … Ye Qiu? It really is him!” Chen Guo excitedly thought. It looked like she really had uncovered his hidden identity! This showed that he really was Ye Qiu. If she had seen the name Ye Qiu written, then she wouldn’t have believed it.

This part confused me a bit in the manhua, but it’s clearer here. At least the Ye Xiu/Qiu mess is clarified early on. Still don’t know why the narrative refers to him as Ye Qiu in the beginning if his name is actually Ye Xiu (and is the one used in the summary)...??

She had been prepared to use everything she owned to get his signature. Ye Qiu’s signature, ah! Who had it? No one!

Chen Guo’s thought process is just fun to go along with, haha she’s so dramatic. And also works well narrative-wise to show how popular Glory is. I mean, she works at an internet cafe but that doesn’t mean she has to be into Glory herself; but she is, played for a long time, and is up to date with the professional scene to some degree if she knows the names and faces of all of Excellent Era’s members.

...she [had] a strong urge to change the word Xiu into Qiu.

haha.

“Oh, so it’s like this… … how generous.” Chen Guo sighed with sorrow. This person’s strength was powerful, his account definitely wouldn’t be weak. Powerful accounts were extremely valuable. Gifting it away so easily was very valiant.

The irony in this part never fails to amuse me.

Later, in Glory’s fifth expansion, a lot of experts obtained the qualifications to complete the Challenge skill becoming the first ones possessing access to all servers.

This is an interesting tidbit. I like the novel, where it’s easier to absorb all the rules of the game/professional scene.

Ah, so the account card Ye Xiu uses is actually one from 10 years ago? And he held onto it for this whole time, not using it. That’s...pretty amazing, I would have lost mine after 10 years.

His hair looked as if it hadn’t been taken care of in at least half a month. His face didn’t look too healthy. Although it was white and clear, it was that sort of sickly pale. His two eyes gazed at her listlessly...The guy in front of her didn’t look too young, but was unexpectedly also so dejected and disdained.

I remember people being upset that he looked more handsome in his other appearances. He’s the sort to not care about appearances, and I guess he doesn’t get out much, stuck inside playing Glory all day. But, well, if he looks dejected and disdained it’s probably from what just happened.

“full-time night cat“ AH this is why the manhua drew him as a cat when he said he likes nights. I guess it’s an expression.

His approving attitude made Chen Guo feel very apologetic. This small storage room truly wasn’t a place for living.

lol not to mention Chen Guo drops a bucket of paint on top of the bed along with a whole shelf in the manhua. She didn’t seem as apologetic in the other mediums as she does here, though.

Even after all this, he had never asked for his boss’s name.

haha kind of important don’t you think.

Chapter 4: Mysterious Expert

“If you also want to go out and eat, don’t ask my employees to go on an errand for you.” Chen Guo said.

“Next time, could you tell us in advance? Can’t you help deliver it to us?” A person said.

“The Internet Cafe only has so many people. How could we deliver it all back? Enough of this nonsense, if you really want to eat so much but are too lazy to buy it, go ask for their phone number. Wouldn’t they be willing to deliver it?” Chen Guo said.

“Sister Chen do you have their number? Lend it to me so I can copy it down.” A person said.

“What would I do with their phone number? I have people to run errands for me. Why would I inconvenience the restaurant?” Chen Guo said.

Chen Guo is pleasantly vicious. I wasn’t overly fond of her in the animation, but she has great expressions in the manhua, and her dialogue is just great in the novel.

lol “it looks like I’m forcing him play.”

This Heavenly Domain wasn’t a single map. It was another world. The map was as big as the combined worlds of five other servers. This place had difficult instance dungeons, powerful equipment, precious materials, and also freedom. All experts would meet up there. The Heavenly Domain was a player’s final destination.

So that’s what the Heavenly Domain is...I don’t know if I ever quite figured it out casually watching the animation.

“Don’t fake it. You actually haven’t retired. It’s just that you were unable to win a seat, so you were kicked out right?” Chen Guo said.

Ye Xiu was speechless.

“No offense… …” Chen Guo realized that her words had somewhat stabbed at his sore spot.

Way to hit it where it hurts! Unintentionally, of course. I seem to like manhua Ye Xiu for his expressions, and novel Chen Guo because it actually gives some more depth to her character.

“Oh so it’s like this?” Tears streamed down Ye Xiu’s cheeks. Ye Qiu was currently chatting with you face to face, sister.

lol wait is this just an expression or- he’s not actually tearing up in this scene is he.

“Oh?” when Ye Xiu flipped to the last page and looked, a sudden wave of shame hit. Thinking about it, this hand guide hadn’t changed much over ten years. This was something players couldn’t update any further. For missions that veterans would choose, how could no one have come up with this type of strategy already? Right now, he needed this type of strategy. Just as Ye Xiu was ready to follow this strategy to take missions, tears immediately began streaming down his face. He was once regarded as textbook level figure! Now with a beginners guide in his hands, how could he endure this shame?

Ye Xiu’s a lot, ah, more expressive than the animation gives him credit for. I’m sorry, I laughed. He’s just so thrown off by having to start from scratch.

Chapter 5: Skill Match

But at this point everyone was still level 0. Their jumping abilities were too poor and there was no way they could jump high enough. Everyone repeatedly bouncing up and down was truly a cute and beautiful scene.

WHAT LOL Ok this wasn’t in the manhua was it, it’s indeed a glorious image. I like how the narrator even describes it as a ‘cute’ scene haha.

Aah, I appreciate the little break away to explain the mechanics of the game. It’s not terribly useful seeing as the game doesn’t actually exist in real life, but it’s decently interesting.

But if this skill set that had been picked by peak-level expert like him was seen by ordinary players, they would definitely laugh.

And an area where Ye Xiu doesn’t have to feel ashamed of, haha.

Chapter 6: Thousand Chance Umbrella

It’s not as if it wasn’t explained in other mediums, but the novel definitely has the time to go through all the details like the evolution of Glory’s class system and why no one would suspect anyone to play the ‘unspecialized class’ anymore.

Soon after, he directly headed to the storage chest in the warehouse and opened it. An equipment unexpectedly lay inside.

Accounts that transferred servers should be empty...

But Lord Grim, which had just transferred to the tenth server, unexpectedly had an equipment inside.

No one knew how this happened, but it seemed as if Ye Xiu had been expecting it. He knew that he would find an equipment here...

This, too, is interesting! Because it seems as if the warehouse pops up out of nowhere in the other mediums, and you’re not really sure if it’s something that everyone else can access or not if you weren’t paying attention to the fact that the umbrella is a ‘silver’ weapon and thus a unique item that no one else would be able to acquire.

...there wasn’t a trace of happiness in Ye Xiu’s expression. On the contrary, it was filled with grief. A rare tremble once again emerged on his right hand.

but then, there’s this. ;-;

The customizable/self-made weaponry is actually quite smart. Reminds me of the custom furniture you can make and add to the Sims... (look, I really am not a gamer haha, I have no clue how many real life games have similar features) I didn’t really understand what was so special about the umbrella before (I probably wasn’t paying 100% attention...).

Only, it could be a unique surpassing peak Epic equipment or it could also be a unique piece of trash.

Or it could be a unique piece of trash. hahaha

Ye Xiu gently retrieved the Thousand Chance Umbrella and placed it in Lord Grim’s hands.

Also the fact that he, gently, places a bunch of pixels into his inventory/avatar’s hands is telling how much this game and this item in particular mean to him.

Damn, reading about playing a game really puts me in the mood to play a game, too. I don’t really play games like this one, though...

Chapter 7: Midnight Phantom Cat

You saw clearly, spoke well, planned well, but in the end because of a single unexpected accident, your dreams and hopes all disappeared into nothing leaving only this incomplete Thousand Chance Umbrella to me.

“You originally had talent in Glory, a successful talent… …” His fingers gently wiped over the keyboard. With a quiver, Lord Grim cast a heal onto Sleeping Moon’s body. When Sleeping Moon promptly praised him again, Ye Xiu’s mind was no longer in the game.

More sad hints of the past. .-.

“It’s here.” Ye Xiu saw that typing might have been slow, so he immediately yelled vaguely. His mouth still held onto the cigarette!

Ooh! He spoke! Or, ahem, ‘yelled vaguely’.

He was even a little skeptical thinking that his healing might snatch away the enemy.

Don’t you hate it when you’re minding your own business, not even fighting, and the monster goes to attack you anyway? lol you know how many times my teammates died from that in Final Fantasy Type-0...the worst part is that you can only control one of the 3 party members at a time, so to save them you have to keep switching between characters. or deal with having no one to heal you and only bring 1 character. idk I really liked that game.

Beautiful! Ye Xiu couldn’t help but praise him.

lol lots of praise going around in-game. everyone’s still playing nice-nice. Well, in Ye Xiu’s case I guess he is genuinely praising him.

Ah, so Ye Xiu was actually going to warn the others, was he. He just didn’t get the chance. I wondered if he purposely didn’t say anything even if he knew Sleeping Moon’s plan, I can’t remember what happened in the animation.

Chapter 8: A Life and Death Struggle

In these seven seconds, not only would the mage die but Fallen Sun would die too. He might as well try to save one of them.

Ye Xiu had lost faith in Sleeping Moon and directly abandoned the mage to heal Fallen Sun.

I do like how they handled the back and forth for the battle scene here, it doesn’t have too much of a lag between action while explaining Ye Xiu’s thought process.

He couldn’t tell if Fallen Sun had bad luck attached to him. Right when the Bleed status wore off, the Midnight Demon Cat swiped at him again causing him to Bleed yet again. These types of status inducing attacks only had a small probability to appear. But it seemed as if someone added a 100% percent probability halo around Fallen Sun.

Don’t you hate it when that happens. I don’t think anything fishy is up? He just had bad luck. It’s also totally relatable haha.

Could it be that this guy had seen through his own own plan at that time?

Sleeping Moon sure manages to get a lot of musings into the space between attacks here. This is funny though, because the novel gives confirmation that Ye Xiu only realized this recently, when Sleeping Moon purposely let the others get attacked. He isn’t that godly that he realized it from the start.

“50%? I like 100%!” and “...be at ease and drop dead!”

lol and there the shamelessness comes out. Well, Ye Xiu also lost all respect for this guy so.

Furthermore, he opened it extremely exaggeratedly and the umbrella actually flipped the other way. He retracted the umbrella a bit...

Um, so this is possible with a real umbrella of course, but a virtual one too...?

Chapter 9: Ye Xiu’s Two Hands

A pair of hands that made people’s cheeks stream with tears appeared in front of her eyes — Ye Xiu’s two hands.

Those must be some pretty impressive hands.

The hands were beautiful hands.

And in case you didn’t get it the first time: Ye Xiu has beautiful hands. Well, that is in the chapter title after all.

lol and Chen Guo examining his speed, I guess he must be taking it easy since the boss isn’t a difficult one.

Their banter is also so fun to read~

Chapter 10: Shameless Novice

lol did you really get out of the dungeon just so you could switch computers to get a smoke. I don’t think he particularly cared about finishing it, since it just provides exp probably.

Haha “the shameless novice” but what does Sleeping Moon gain from labeling him a novice? Shameless, yes, to discredit him.

These identical messages mixed together with other anger and hate. Although the system automatically blocked profanities, people’s intelligence were boundless. They used same sounding words to complete their mission.

ah, yes, the ways people get past profanity blockers, particularly fun in languages with hanzi! (hanzi right? Chinese characters?)

“Just because I’m angry doesn’t mean I have to show it.” Ye Xiu didn’t look angry. He was even smiling. While doing so, he logged out of the game and shut down the computer. Changing over to the smoking area was still his current ambitious dream.

Ah, I love this series. He just really wants a smoke.

But I can relate, I’m fairly expressionless most of the time, even when I’m excited.

Only players over level 20 could leave the beginner area. When that happened, PK’ing would be opened up. In the meantime, those level 20 and under could only point fingers and argue.

lol just...lol

But now that he couldn’t form a team, his leveling speed would only increase.

HAHA joke’s on you, it apparently works out better for him, they can’t even start PKing so there’s really no use getting into a tizzy over it...not that that stops people from creating drama. ever.

Lord Grim was equivalent to three people. Furthermore, with Ye Xiu’s skills, he wouldn’t be slower in clearing a dungeon than a five man team. He might even be a bit faster.

The video game context really gives validity to Ye Xiu’s ability to breeze through the early stages of the story as well as his strength being far above the others. Plus, it’s true. There are some games where teammates slow you down, you might as well go at it solo.

“Hello hello.”

What a nice way to end this part! I’ll be bouncing back to the manhua now.

So, yeah, like I said. I’m actually having a lot of fun, the novels don’t linger on the mechanics long enough to become boring. Plus, Ye Xiu’s background - being 25 and already on the pro scene for 7 years - makes all of his overpowered-ness not just believable, but expected. Reading him go through the early stages of the game is sort of like watching a let’s play - relaxing.

#quan zhi gao shou #king's avatar blogging #qzgs novel blogging #qzgs vol 1

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astoldbytoria · 7 years

Text

ATBT Review: “Ctrl” by SZA

SZA just let out her highly anticipated debut album “Ctrl” on June 9th, and I’ve gotten a solid two weeks to listen to it. I’ve been following her since her Soundcloud days, so I was definitely curious to hear her new record and pick it for growth. Luckily, she made it easy for me. SZA has considerably grown in her songwriting and production and it is clearly reflected by the amount of positive responses she’s received since the release of the album.

In my opinion, this album raised the bar for both traditional and alternative R&B. She did not settle for low droning trap-soul nor did she drown it with samples. She successfully created a record that is both alike and not like any other record we’ve heard recently. So I’m going to dive into each track one by one discussing their strengths and weaknesses below. Feel free to listen along as I break down each song (this review is kind of long):

Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/album/76290XdXVF9rPzGdNRWdCh

Apple Music Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/ctrl/id1239976329

1) Supermodel

First thought: what a way to open an album. This track is definitely one of her statement pieces. It really brings in the tone of the whole album. She’s talking about really heavy stuff over an acoustic guitar that’s strumming a melodic chord progression. And this isn’t just “cutesy sad” stuff either. She’s writing a letter to this person telling them she’s leaving after realizing that they’re cheating on her and aren’t giving her the time of day in general. And don’t forget the part where she adds that she’s “secretly banging” his friend. Pretty intense stuff.

2) Love Galore (feat. Travis Scott)

This is such a strong single for this album. She called this one a “tropical bop” and I couldn’t agree more. If your head isn’t boppin during this song, you’re probably lying. The instrumentation is so lightweight and euphoric, even though she’s discussing some heavy experiences, much like “Supermodel.” The lyrics were masterfully filled with wordplay and double meanings. They are poignant and relevant to the dating experiences of today’s youth which is really important. Not everyone is loyal, not everyone is trying to date to marry – and she, at this point in her life, is not only calling out the people she’s dated for being like this, she’s also recognizing these ways in herself. The line “Why you bother me when you know you don’t want me? Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?” is so real for some people, and that’s what I appreciated. It’s the side of relationships that people aren’t brave enough to address because everyone wants to tell a perfect love story instead of recognizing the reality and the duality of love. The production is also so perfect because it feels like such a light, chill bop even though it’s calculated with many layers. Her collaboration with Travis Scott was such a smart decision and it was nice to hear a different beat and vibe from him that still goes along with his sonic taste. I will say though, I absolutely hate the way she pronounces certain words – like “negus” and “beaches” – but that’s just a personal pet peeve, so I digress. Love Galore is a solid song and one of my favorites. Beautifully crafted and portrayed.

3) Doves in the Wind (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

This one was funny to me because I was surprised at how many times and different ways they managed to say the word “pussy.” To me, this one was another statement piece. The lyrics were definitely cheeky and bold, which just pushed another characteristic of the album. SZA is so willing to be bold and blunt about her experiences throughout the album. I thought Kendrick Lamar as the feature was a brilliant decision. Who better to talk about the subject? The song was witty and interesting and draws the listener to the lyrics. And the beat is so relaxed compared to what they’re talking about. It’s not one of my personal favorites, but I recognize its purpose for sure.

4) Drew Barrymore

When I heard this, I was like “where was SZA in the 90s when alt-black girls had no voice?” because she would have definitely been they’re holy grail artist. It has such a somber 90s alternative rock vibe. I love that it addresses insecurity and low self-esteem and genuine feelings, especially in lines like “I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth / we get so lonely, we pretend that this works.” She brilliantly portrays how these feelings can manifest themselves in relationships. So because of that, these lyrics are not only relatable, but eye-opening for some listeners. This was a strong one for me.

5) Prom

I really love the lyrics on Prom. It felt like she was talking about her insecurities and her shortcomings compared to her partner. She’s describing the right person at the wrong time for her, as if she’s not yet at his maturity level, which is something I can relate to personally. However, I didn’t know that this song was about this topic until I looked the lyrics and followed them. The music just doesn’t seem to match what she’s talking about at all. And in the prior songs, the music does contrast with the topic of the song but it’s done in a way that makes the two work together – not in this case, however. So unfortunately, this song kind of got lost among some of the other tracks for me.

6) The Weekend

This is the traditional R&B bop on the album. I love the Justin Timberlake sample. It was nicely hidden in the beat and was not at the forefront, so it meshed well overall. This was another song with bold lyrics. She’s talking from the POV of the “other woman,” a character that hasn’t really had a voice in music. This is especially depicted in lines like “My man is my man is your man / heard it’s her man too” and “the feeling is wreckless / of knowin’ it’s selfish / knowin’ I’m desperate.” So this was a daring move for SZA. It definitely sounds like she’s okay with the whole idea while also knowing that it isn’t an ideal situation. Very interesting track. Lol

7) Go Gina

I really like the instrumental on this one. It kind of gives me A Tribe Called Quest vibes. However, aside from the clever line “picking up a penny with a press-on is easier than holding you down,” this one did not clearly convey the meaning of the song. From what I can gather, she’s comparing herself to Gina from the TV show “Martin,” saying that she is a woman that belongs to herself – any man that comes along the way will either be of value to her or easily disposable. And she will never be hung up on a man. So I guess it’s just a song that outlines that feeling of self-sufficiency. This one kind of got lost amongst the tracks, like “Prom.” Without fail, I seem to tune it out when it plays. It’s still nice to listen to, though.

8) Garden (Say It Like Dat)

This one is also one of my favorites. It’s another euphoric song with a chill beat and melodic sounds throughout. Lyrically, this one is stronger because she’s clearly in love with this person but is still insecure about herself, hoping that he “never finds out” the real her. But she believes that maybe he will love her for her because of the way he compliments her and treats her. I love how genuine that is and how we don’t like to address our fear of people seeing the real us. More importantly, I’m happy that she managed to make a 3:28 song that perfectly describes that.

9) Broken Clocks

If there had to be another single on the album, it would be this one. The production is so poppin’ it’s not even funny. My poor ’99 Camry can’t handle the bass whatsoever, but it still gets blared regardless (nah mean?)!! SZA tells us another story of her balancing love with work and how those things sometimes conflict with her time – hence, the broken clocks. The busyness of life can definitely affect relationships and I felt like she really captured that here. I loved the Joseline Hernandez strip club reference as well, it really tickled me. Lol

10) Anything

This one sounds the most dreamy to me. It also samples “Spring Reprise” by Donna Summer, which is a nice addition. She seems to be questioning her relationship, serving as the next chapter to “Broken Clocks.” This is definitely shown by the repeated line “Do you even now I’m alive?” She seems to be at the cusp of the relationship lasting and ending. I kind of hate how short it is though.

11) Wavy (Interlude) [feat. James Fauntleroy]

I love this interlude so much. I love the production. Again, it is so light and airy and dreamy. Lyrically, this one didn’t jump out to me at all. But I fell in love with the feeling that it gave me more than anything else.

12) Normal Girl

This one is another that kind of got lost amongst the other tracks for me as well. I think that lyrically it’s really strong because she’s trying to describe an idealistic version of herself. Furthermore, she’s wishing that she could just be a “normal girl” for this guy, and clearly she isn’t capable of being that for him. So it’s really relatable. But at this point in the album, the theme starts to really beat a dead horse, at least for me. I felt like she kind of explained some of these same feelings in songs like “Drew Barrymore” or “Garden.”

13) Pretty Little Birds (feat. Isaiah Rashad)

I was impressed by the metaphor she used, because it’s not that obvious. Yeah, she’s comparing herself to a bird but she’s also talking about how she wants to be open with her love interest, like a bird’s wings. And it also kind of dives into the fact that although she’s been through a lot of experiences, she is still open to a new relationship that allows her to “fly.” This is apparent in the line “my wings don’t fly like they used to / but I wanna fly with you.” Lyrically this one is really strong, and if you aren’t paying attention to lyrics, it’s easy for its meaning to “fly away” (all puns intended). It’s very dreamy and pretty. I grew to like this song.

14) 20 Something

It’s only fitting that that she ended with an acoustic song. Lyrically, this song is all-encompassing in so many ways that aren’t obvious. She’s acknowledging everything that happened in her twenties – including the good and bad. It seems like her relationship ended, so she is definitely being critical and saying that she’s “got nothin, runnin from love.” So in a way, she’s stuck in the “immature” mindset of her 20s. But she also says “God bless these 20 somethings” because although she views some of her experiences as failures, she also recognizes how they’ve shaped her into the person she currently is. Compared to the opening track, this one focuses on the self instead of the people that have wronged her and her spitefulness as a reaction to those wrongs. Beautifully written and the slow strumming guitar is always fitting for introspection. This song ends the album on a bittersweet note, and I really love that.

My Conclusion (finally lol):

I think this album is something that has been missing from music. It’s full of lyrics that are relatable, funny, poignant, and introspective. And although some of the topics are heavy and risque, SZA carefully managed to pair them with beats and instrumentation that was seemingly light-hearted. She was unafraid to be the voice of the side chick, the main woman, the insecure woman, and the woman scorned. And she did it all from the perspective of a girl, and more importantly a Black girl. While culturally, this album was so influential and powerful, its importance could get lost if you aren’t paying attention to the lyrics. Sometimes they were hard for me to follow by listening alone and I had to look them up just to understand what she was saying. So that could be improved upon for the next album. Otherwise, I give this album a strong 7. SZA has really changed herself and has completely grown into her sound. This was a striking debut.

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