#at least benson can only be spoiled by us

[hislittleraincloud]

This was so beautifully done 😭👔JAIRO🎀💖✨

[jojo-reader-hell]

Jonathan with a girlfriend who is absolutely spoiled, stuck up, always completely dressed up, and a daddies girl? She tries to spoil him all the time with expensive items and throws a fit and starts bawling because she doesn’t know how else to show her affection?

MY BABY 😭🥺 I needed to write something hopeful and sweet for my hubby ❤️❤️ GIVE JONATHAN LOVE.

“What say you to this color?”

Jonathan blanched, seeing that familiar dark scowl cross your face as you approached from the other side of the room. Your father was sitting placidly across the way from where you had been playing inspector, draped on a couch and smoking his pipe away from where the tailor displayed the many suits of clothing you’d commissioned for your future husband. No less than twenty full ensembles, including his wedding attire with more on the way to be delivered tomorrow. As if Jonathan didn’t already feel like a burden accepting your father’s kindness to stay at your home until the wedding, now he felt as though you were trying to dress him up like a show poodle.

“Now love…” Jonathan murmured meekly, but you didn’t hear him.

You slowly looked towards the tailor, the fabric of Jonathan’s wedding clothes between your fingers. It looked sharp and attentive on the mannequin, and from the greedy eyes of the man you hired he was already calculating in his mind how much he could swindle out of your purse.

“This is a joke to you, tailor?” You said, so lowly it was almost a whisper.

“Madam?!”

“Pray tell me sir, if you think this…” with one quick motion you ripped the sleeve of the new suit clean off and held it out, “… is a joke? A spectacle, a farce. I told you it was of the upmost importance that you use the fabrics and the stitches I recommended. Are you perhaps under the assumption that we are performing a production of ‘Twelfth Night’?! You were told this was a wedding, were you not?! SO I AM VERY PERPLEXED AS TO WHY YOU INSIST ON DRESSING MY FUTURE HUSBAND IN THIS INSULT OF A MONKEY SUIT-…!”

Oh great… There you went… When you got like this, not even Jonathan in his most commanding tone could get you to calm down.

“THE NERVE… NO, THE AUDACITY OF INSULTING HIM AFTER HE HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A PAINFUL ORDEAL!”

He felt as though you would be so busy going over your individual trousseaus that you’d miss both the wedding and the honeymoon abroad you and your father had planned right from under him.

You hadn’t even waited for his wounds to heal or for the embers to be extinguished in what remained of the Joestar estate, no sooner had you invaded his sick room that you began to take over every aspect of Jonathan’s life. It was you that decided what he ate, what clothes he wore, what time he went to bed, he’d never felt as weak and helpless as he sank into his chair while you continued to run off at the mouth. You’d be married in a week (thanks to a bit of your prodding and encouraging he finally worked up plenty of nerve to ask you to be Mrs. Jonathan Joestar), and despite the general excitement of your household and the exorbitant costs, Jonathan was starting to feel the tiniest tinge of regret in his heart.

“Well, all I can offer you is luck for your wedding old boy.” Speedwagon had clapped him on the back, “Seems your lady wants it her way, and I hope she means well taking control.”

For some reason Robert Speedwagon’s usual talent for judging character had gone muddled. He didn’t quite know what to make of you. You tended to Jonathan like he was a child by spoiling him with gifts and trinkets, and tempting him with sweet things, all the while scolding your servants and your father with a sharp tongue, despite the fact that they all seemed eager to bend to your will. You’d been rather abrupt with Robert, turning your back to him and catering to your beloved Jojo as though the other man didn’t exist.

How many times had Jonathan scolded you about your selfishness over the course of your short courtship? Too many to count. He insisted gently at first that he didn’t need anything, your love was more than enough... Only to be blatantly ignored as you chided him for foolishness and delved for hours into the places you’d both go, and the clothes and toiletries you’d need for honeymoon in France and Italy. As of late he’d been rather curt with his tender feelings, trying to quell the resentment that had been building up.

What had he gotten himself into with you? The love you shared was hurried, as though fleeting, like a thief in the night you charmed Jonathan and easily stole your way into his heart because it was where you wanted to be. He knew it. Everyone knew your intentions for the charming specimen, and it was only a matter of time before he found himself inexplicably tied to you with a red string of fate, a chord binding the two of you for better or for worse. Call it the desire of the young to sow his wild oats, call it boys will be boys, call it the beguiling seductions of a temptress, call it whatever you please, all he knew was that this was to be his future if he cared one iota about reputation.

“For the price your crooked practice has tried to extract from me, I expect you to get it right the first time.” You growled to the tailor. “Make sure you do not make the same mistake twice.”

“Yes madam! Anything...! My apologies to your fiancé as well, I beg a thousand pardons sir.” The shriveled old man bowed out, and as you smoothed your skirts and pretended nothing had happened Jonathan stood to make his exit.

“Oh dearest! Please stay seated, if you need something presently I shall send Benson to fetch it!” Your voice rose a few octaves, and you darted towards him like a sparrow when you saw he was preparing to take his leave.

“I am quite alright, thank you.” Jonathan replied, his voice tight and low as he played off dodging your grasp as him trying to grip the arm of the chair to center himself.

He had to insist that he was fine. It would be alright. He just had to take care of some personal things before he could come back. But he instead hid away in the one place in the entire manor you wouldn’t think to look for him.

Surrounded in your own miniature museum, Jonathan sequestered himself in a bay window behind heavy drapes, and dropped his face into his hands as he began to cry his frustrated tears. This helplessness was consuming him. He could do nothing except submit to your will, and in his delusion of masculinity it hurt him and made him feel helpless and lonely. Despite his resolve to never let anyone push him around again, it only applied when his tormentor was a man apparently. What could he do? He couldn’t do anything to you except bow to your whims, already in debt in over his head and trembling at the trap laid out for him; it was a deadly combination of convention and Christian morals that dictated of a man to rise up and be counted responsible for his actions. Where could he go now? His choices of shelter were nonexistent. There was no Joestar estate to return to, at least not until you both returned from your bridal tour abroad when the workers your father hired projected its completion. Heaven help him, he even found himself pining for his lost love, feeling a heaping dose of Christian guilt whenever those thoughts crossed his mind. But there was no comfort even in emotional infidelity. Erina Pendleton refused to hurt you. During the nights she nursed him she rebuffed his reaches towards her, and only told him to treat you tenderly, to make an honest woman of you considering the nature of your close relationship, and to accept the kindness you had extended to him in the form of a place to recover. And there was no way, no chance in hell that a gentleman would betray the expectations of a lady. Even if you drove Jonathan crazy and made him wish that he had never agreed so rashly to marry you, he couldn’t go back on his word. Hadn’t he made a big to do about your engagement? Something he promised his late father pertained to you, a promise just before he went to school he assured his father the same thing he did for you: He would not force you to suffer shame or subject you to the horror of your father’s desire to marry you off to one of his rich friends to save face. If he made the choice to know you, he would take the responsibility of taking care of you as his wife.

They that dance must pay the fiddler after all. His father informed him that his late mother quoted this often. And what a shame it would be to her, if she were alive today and knew that her own son didn’t maintain the morals she wanted for him.

Surrounded by your “curios” and decorations from the Orient, Jonathan tried for many hours to steel his nerves. It took him until it was time to eat with you and your father, the hunger and promise of a feast coaxing him from his corner and to the dining hall where he sat distantly at the overly large table. He supped quietly, refusing to answer your questions as to why he was so late, and simply pretending as though nothing was happening in his mind. Sometimes he made polite conversations with your father, but any time you or the wedding were brought up he avoided the subject like the plague. Hard to do when all your father talked about was you, with the slight possibility he might throw in a morsel or two about his horses. Once in a lull where your father was prying lobster meat from the shell, Jonathan looked up from his plate that he had cleaned nearly five times to see that you barely touched anything, your shoulders withdrawn and your lips pressed tightly together. For a minute his heart twinged with anger, only to soften when he wondered if you’d even eaten anything at all. You looked so pale, and did you always have that green tint to your cheeks? Jonathan watched quietly as you told one of the many servants at your side that you just didn’t want anything right now, but in his heart he knew you weren’t starving yourself for the sake of fashion, nor was it because you were upset.

Jonathan couldn’t let the facade of his anger alienate you… It wasn’t right. Especially not in this condition where the slightest misstep could only make the situation worse. Even if you were with fault and not at all the perfect image of a lady, hadn’t he learned to see passed that to see the beautiful qualities you possessed? Hadn’t he been able to see passed the glitz and glamours you hid your true self behind? As was expected, you were favored by men for your wealth and quick wit, among the women you were hated for the ease with which you could capture a beaux with a simple beckon of your fingers.

It was odd really, among the other ladies of your pedigree you stood out, a bluejay among robins with the temperament to match; none of the ladies were safe from your sharp beak. A beautiful blonde daughter of a marquis would pale in comparison to you, even though you possessed no traditional qualities of beauty that they did. Your face was far too severe, brow perpetually pulled into a look far too sly, and your smile seemed to come at a price as well. Anyone who spent more than a few hours couldn’t fail to notice your short temperament and disdain for the delicate flowers of England. And yet when asked there was never any shortage of complements: your jewelry always sparkled the brightest against your clean skin, your hand was never empty, always clasped by a dancing partner or in fervent confessions of love, and your clothes were always of the finest French silks, fitted in ways to emphasize the assets you did have. Yet the compliments were more superficial, whereas most romantics like Jonathan wanted a Jane Eyre, you were more Blanche Ingram, all French lace and jewelry and coveting any little trinket you could get your hands on.

Yet there were hidden qualities you possessed that you only allowed Jonathan to catch a glimpse of. As much as you threw money towards your curios and your dresses and jewels, you were just as obliged to give it all away to charitable causes. He never forgot the blue coat school you showed him one day when he was itching to go outside for a bit of fresh air. The building bearing your family name was only a few hours ride away from your home, the halls as spotlessly clean and well equipped as your manor, and all the chubby cheeked little orphan girls knew you by name and ran up to kiss you and put bluebells in your hair when you told them you wouldn’t be visiting for some time. They cried at first, thinking you were abandoning them, only to squeal in delight when you told them you were getting married to the handsome man that had accompanied you. He remembered the parties he attended where he’d started to show interest. Your quick with and sharp intellect endeared you to the men, each one pushing Jonathan in your direction when they noticed your demeanor changed for the better whenever he was around. He would always remember the times you purposefully snubbed the advances of one Dio Brando, much to Jonathan’s secret delight, merely because you “did not like the look of his eyes” and that you would not forget the injustices committed against your sweet Jojo.

There were many other things… The times you’d prattle on and on about your fossil collection and all the things you learned whilst collecting them, bonding over a mutual love of history and listening to his own prattling about the stone mask, asking about his hopes and dreams, mourning his father with him on nights where his injuries were too painful to ignore… Even appreciating the friendship and love of Erina Pendleton, because she made him happy during a time where you did not know him. That had to be when he’d truly fallen in love with you. Your heart was wholly good, you only wanted his happiness, whereas any other woman would have flown into a rage because he had never stopped loving another.

Jonathan was so lost in thought about you, he rose from the table without speaking once the meal was concluded, and went automatically towards his sanctuary of your own miniature museum, he didn’t hear your footsteps following eagerly after him.

“Jojo??”

Your voice sounded so innocent, so tiny and sad, that Jonathan paused his journey and allowed you to catch up to him, your jewelry and the knickknacks lining the halls in curio cabinets rattling with your steps as you ran towards him. For every one step he took, you needed to run very far, and it took a while for you to catch up. Yet you did eventually catch up to him winded and looking more pale than before. Gently, like a little girl beseeching her father, you tugged his waistcoat in the hopes that he’d turn to look at you.

“Jojo...” your voice was the tiniest whimper. “Jojo... Are you going to leave me?”

“What?!”

Hours ago before he ate he might have considered breaking the engagement out of anger, but now that he had remembered his love for you (and been fed) he couldn’t dare think of destroying you like that.

“Why would you ever think-…”

“You have that look about you Jojo. I’ve seen it so many times, the first night I saw it, you were making our engagement known to Erina. Now... I... Jojo, please... Forgive me.”

Your hands were shaking. He could see you tottering in your heels and knew immediately when he grabbed your waist to balance you that your mood had only been dictated to anger because you were poorly. Dressed like a doll and smothering in your clothes because your father demanded it of you, and here Jonathan was only making it worse.

“Why... no, I should not pretend as if I do not know the cause of your pain.” He murmured as he pulled you close into his chest. “While I will not deny your tempers vex me, I must beg your forgiveness too... my love, I’ve told you over and over so many times: I have no need for earthly possessions. Your love is all I need. I don’t want to leave you, I only beg of you to let me take care of myself. I wish you wouldn’t spoil me so.”

“B-but Jojo...”

“Shhh... my love, you’re ashen.” He murmured softly into your neck. “You need to have something my love. I can send for a meal to be brought to your room.”

He tried to lead you to your room, but you refused to budge and only tugged on his clothes again, begging him to look at you.

“But Jojo... I... my only wish is that you should want for nothing.”

“I don’t need gifts and trinkets my love.” Jonathan murmured gently. “I just need your love and understanding, and for you to always be happy with me.”

You couldn’t help but melt into tears by his words, explaining through your hiccoughing that you never wanted him to feel unloved or unwanted, citing the many wrongs done to him and the burden it left on your heart to know that while you were blissfully unaware of your future husband’s suffering, you had merely been collecting and hoarding your obsessions and waiting for a man to come and take you away. It frustrated you, you went on, because Jonathan had lost everything, and for once in your life you had the means to give him back what he lost.

“I... I know I cannot turn back the hands of time and return those you have lost...” you whimpered, your tears wetting his cravat and making his own burst forth onto your hair. “However the least I can do is give you clothes, a home, a good meal...-“

“Oh my love... I only. Need. Your. Affections. Nothing else.”

Each word he spoke was punctuated with fervent kisses to your lips, his good arm pressing you tightly against his chest as you lost yourselves to passion. He very nearly lost control there in the hall, not caring that anyone including your father might walk in and scold you both for acting in perversion. But eventually he pulled away from your enticing lips, his heart swelling and beating out the things he thought in anger, your sweetest kisses reminding him of why he asked you to be Mrs. Jonathan Joestar in the first place.

“I had wanted to show you after we took care of your clothes,” you gasped, breathless from his canoodling, “Plenty of other things came today as well, come, before you take me to my room.”

You took him gently by the good arm, directing him into a room he knew to be your nursery in childhood. It wasn’t far from the area you assured him would be your own shared chambers (your father insisted you’d remain with him for the time it took to completely restore Jonathan’s home), and when you opened the door you assured him the setup within was only for a little while.

“Just until the little creature is strong enough to make the journey back home with us Jojo.” You told him with a smile as you lead him into the room.

Seeing the bright pretty colors, as well as the miniature items and clothes, Jonathan couldn’t hold back his happiness. He glanced at you, his lips open in a smile and tears dribbling down his cheeks, and gasped in pure delight to see the items you were squirreling away inside.

“You... you did all this?” He grinned widely.

You nodded eagerly, smiling as he picked up soft swaddling clothes, ran his fingers along the supple wood of a cradle, and looked around with wide, lovesick eyes.

It was as though finally he could see the promise of happier times in these possessions, and realized that you were only trying to give him happiness in the one way that you could. In truth, he still preferred you, and the gift you would give him in a few months time.

[ntshastark]

ok, I’ve finished watching it so here it goes:

Bridgerton final impressions

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Daphne: I love her!!!!!!!!! I loved her on the book and I loved her on the show. My only complain is..... The Scene........ The way they changed it up made it so they could’ve easily swapped The Scene for a confrontation. I guess they didn’t want Simon to be the only asshole of the two but then they never addressed how Daphne was wrong too??? They just use the Whistledown voice-over to basically say “oh she’s desperate so it’s understandable” and then kinda shift all the blame onto Violet - and, don’t get me wrong, her sex talk is shit and she should know it, but what Daphne did was already after Rose really explained her how sex really works, so ignorance isn’t really an excuse....

Simon: I love him!!!!!!!!! I loved him on the book and I loved him on the show. My only complain is how they handled his daddy issues arc’s resolution. Like, Daphne just tells him he doesn’t need to be perfect to be loved and! Just like that! He is cured! Childhood trauma? I don’t know her! They don’t even address the real problem, which is Simon going from living to please his father to living to spite his (dead) father, and the book just handled it SO WELL, I really don’t understand why they changed it in the show.

I hope Simon and Daphne don’t get brushed off to the side now that their book’s story is over. Simon and Anthony’s friendship still needs a little patching up; there’s the Will and Alice storyline that, if they choose to continue, Simon will likely be involved in; and Daphne is pregnant during Anthony’s book, so they can do something about that too, and maybe about her helping out Eloise during her first season... I know they won’t be the focus of the story ever again, but I just hope they keep showing up like ABC and E did on this season, and aren’t just mentioned to be doing their own thing off-screen like Francesca was.

Anthony: .......................................................Sigh. I don’t know who that incompetent, irresponsible, lovesick idiot is, but it’s sure as hell not Anthony. They literally took everything about his character, cut into pieces, made a nonsensical collage and called it characterisation. The real Anthony has an incredibly strong sense of duty and responsibility to both his title and his family, because he feels he has to do it as good as his father would - which, in his head, is perfection. He doesn’t skip and/or arrives late to important events because he’s fooling around with his mistress, and he wouldn’t just wave away his responsibilities to his brothers - especially because they are also his responsibility. The real Anthony cares deeply about the happiness of his siblings, and does everything to secure them the Happily Ever After he himself doesn’t believe he’ll ever have. He would never force one of them to marry someone they clearly despise, especially with no serious reason. The real Anthony was a rake who jumped from bed to bed without letting himself create real attachments, because he deeply believes he’s going to die young and can’t bring himself to make someone go through the same pain his mother did when his father died. He simply wouldn’t remain seeing a woman if he thought he was developing feelings for her - and that only changed when he was forced to marry Kate - and he definitely wouldn’t ask someone to run away with him when he’s finally free of society, jesus fucking christ what the hell even was that?????? And so they - knowing he was going to be next season’s protagonist, mind you  - took all of the characteristics Anthony developed in the 10 years since his father’s death, largely because of Edmond - both in how he raised him and in how his death traumatised him - and said “hey, what if we make all of this happen in like 3 months, and be all about that opera singer he kissed once in the book!”

Violet: I love her, but I feel like they sacrificed a lot of Anthony’s character for her sake......... The Nigel thing is a great example of that: The way she solved it was amazing, but for that to happen they had to make Anthony cause the problem in the first place, which was so ooc it physically hurt. And the way she’s constantly reminding him of how much he sucks as a Viscount, and even straight up saying that his father would’ve been much better was icky tbh

Eloise: Loved how they explored her relationships with Daphne and Benedict - and the queen thing was funny - but that’s about it. She’s so incredibly entitled holy fuck. Combine the fresh-faced feminist who just learned the buzzwords and now thinks sexism is the single biggest plague to ever walk this earth with the spoiled rich girl who wants the entire world to bend to her whims and refuses to do anything she doesn’t want, and that’s how you get show!Eloise. But, tbh, I don’t really mind. She’s a teenager, that’s just how teenagers are. We didn’t really see that much of her before the time jump in the books, she has a long way to go until her story takes center place, and I’m perfectly ok with us watching how she becomes the woman we see in TSPWL. Basically, not that big of a fan of her characterisation, but she is in a spot where she can spend some time turning into the woman from her book - unlike Anthony :)). My big issue is actually how her going from vehemently anti-marriage as a teenager to happily married and with a bunch of kids as an adult is going to feed such a tired trope...

Penelope: I love her, obviously, but oh boy is she fucked. I agree very much with this post re: what she did to Marina. I guess, because LW was initially just a writing device to allow for exposition, the show is gonna go WAY deeper into how the things that happen to Penelope (and her being a teenager) affect what she writes, and into the consequences of doing what she’s doing, but honestly? They might have overplayed it...... I really don’t see how in the fuck they’re gonna make the ending of RMB work in the show’s universe - and I already thought the books glossed over the consequences way too much. So, uh. Good luck I guess.

(Also, I wonder what they’re gonna do about that heir cliffhanger. I just assumed Penelope was gonna do what she does in the books and find a way to give part of the Whistledown money to her mother. Gotta admit it never occurred to me that, with all the Featherington children being women and their father being dead, the title and what comes with it technically belonged to a uncle or cousin or something)

Marina: I fucking hate them for making me get attached to her knowing what’s gonna happen. This poor girl, jesus christ. And, ok, a lot of times she seemed rude and ungrateful but 1. Her situation was fucking terrifying and 2. She was suddenly thrown into this world of pampered, superficial, and naive girls, and that can test anyone’s patience. Also, yeah, the whole manipulating Colin thing was not cool, but, again, it was either that, an elderly likely-abusive husband, or a life of shame on the margins of society, so uhhh.

(Also, that scene when she said she would love for her, Penelope and Eloise to be sisters........ And I thought Eloise becoming Oliver and Amanda’s mother couldn’t hit me any harder......... Imagine an AU where George survived and he and Marina get married and Eloise marries Philip and Penelope marries Colin and they’re all sisters-in-law to each other and I cry my eyes out)

Colin: Gotta be honest with ya, chief... I don’t think he passes the sexy lamp test. Missed his and Daphne’s special relationship, missed his love of food, missed his sense of humour... At least he and Penelope were cute. I’m actually already shipping them more in the show than in the books.

Benedict: I think they’re trying to mirror him being in a relationship with a woman of no status (now Genevieve, then Sophie) with being gay and hmm. Really not sure about it. He does seem bicurious to me but I think they’re hesitant to give him an arc focused on exploring his sexuality when we know his love story is gonna be with a woman (but then again, they weren’t afraid of giving Anthony an arc about having a relationship with a woman of no status when we know his love story is gonna be with a perfectly respectable one, so *shrugs*). Once again, very glad they decided to make him and Eloise so close from the get-go. It’s going to make that scene on TSPWL where Benophie’s son gets sick so much more meaningful and painful, I can’t wait.

Siena and Genevieve: They’re both amazing women with an incredible friendship. Benedict and Genevieve have the relationship I was hoping Anthony and Siena would have, from the trailers.

Francesca: Glorified cameo. Disappointing. I know she doesn’t show up much in the books other than her own, but that should just have been seen as an opportunity to do whatever they wanted with her! Not make her disappear for 6/8 episodes! Hope they show more of her on the next season.

Gregory and Hyacinth: They’re baby. The scene where Gregory makes both Anthony and Simon fall on the water should’ve been there. Loved Hyacinth acting like she’s Simon’s BFF. Loved that they cut Hyacinth’s “wait for me” scene bc it reminded me too much of my annoying little cousin and made me not like her for the longest time.

Lady Danbury: 10/10. Please hit me with your cane. Am currently entertaining the idea of having her and Violet get together.

Barry B. Benson: A cold-blooded murderer

Overall: This didn’t fit into any character, but oh god........... the lack of chemises............ But  I loved the show, even if some things annoyed me,  and I can’t wait for season 2 AND MY GIRL KATE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[trashcanreddiefan]

The 2nd Annual Losers' Club Christmakkah Celebration

Summary: The Losers gather for their second annual Christmakkah celebration, and there is a special gift under the tree with Richie’s name on it.

Word Count: 2800-ish

Warnings: None whatsoever. This is pure fluff.

Author’s Note: Post-Chapter 2. All of the Losers are alive in this fic, including Stan, because canon can suck it. 2nd in a (at least) 3-part series where the Losers take turns hosting Christmakkah. Part 1 here.

CROSS-POSTED AT AO3.

“I checked in for our flight to Atlanta,” Richie said as he walked into the kitchen where his boyfriend, Eddie, was currently leaning down and peeking in on something that was baking in their oven. He wrapped his arms around Eddie. “Mmm. Something smells delicious.”

“I’m making a lasagna,” Eddie replied, straightening up and turning to greet Richie.

Richie planted a kiss on the top of his head before nuzzling his neck. “I meant you, babe.” He gently grazed Eddie’s pulse point with his teeth before soothing the spot with his tongue. “Taste even better.”

Eddie shivered, then leaned back with a smile. He tilted his head up for a proper kiss. “Hi.”

“Mmm. Hey yourself. How was your thesis presentation?”

“Good, really good. Dr. Cubillas seemed really happy with my research and asked me if I’d be interested in a TA position once I start the Master’s program next semester.”

Richie grinned. “Eds, that’s fantastic. I’m so proud of you, babe.”

“Thanks, Rich. I know my savings won’t last forever, so I’m glad I was able to get this 2nd Bachelor’s so quickly and it’d be good if I could make some extra money working for the university while pursuing my Master’s. Plus then I wouldn’t be up to my eyeballs in student loan debt after I graduate since my tuition would be covered.”

“Eds, I told you, if you need money I’ll give it to you, however much you need. I’d have zero problem with being your sugar daddy.”

Before Eddie could even protest, he added, “but I know how much your financial independence means to you, so just know the offer stands. I love you and I’m willing to support you in whatever way you need, be it financial, emotional, physical…” he trailed off as his hands slid down to palm Eddie’s ass, giving both cheeks a hearty squeeze.

Eddie shook his head fondly. “I love you too, Richie. And thank you.” They stood there in silence for a bit, just enjoying being in each other’s arms.

Richie could hardly believe that this was his life. Less than a year ago he had thought that he would be destined to be in lifelong (not counting the 27-year-long asshole clown-induced amnesia) unrequited love with his married, straight childhood best friend. But during the Losers’ first Christmakkah celebration, Eddie had not only announced to the Losers that he had divorced his wife and quit his job, but he had also told Richie privately that he was moving to Los Angeles to go to nursing school, and – the best news of all –  that he was in love with Richie.

So now, a year later, Richie stood in his kitchen with the love of his life in his arms, getting ready to fly out to Stan’s house for their 2nd annual Losers’ Christmakkah Celebration.

Finally, Eddie reluctantly extracted himself from Richie’s embrace. “I need to get the lasagna out.”

“Ok, babe. I’m gonna go shower before dinner.” Richie gave Eddie one last kiss before heading to their bedroom.

He had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself when Eddie called out, “Hey, Rich?”

“Yeah?” Richie replied, walking into their bedroom from the connecting bathroom.

Eddie stood by their bed. “The teddy bear you ordered for Olivia just came in.”

Olivia was Stan and Patty’s 3-month-old daughter and the first of a new generation of Losers. She had Stan’s curly hair and Patty’s nose, and already had her uncles and aunt wrapped around her finger.

“Ok great, thanks.” Richie walked over to Eddie and wrapped his arms around him.

“I already got it in a bag and put it in the suitcase with the rest of Liv’s gifts.”

“Ok so that should be it, right? I have Bill’s gift in my suitcase and you said you had Mike’s gift shipped directly to Stan’s, right?”

This year, instead of deciding not to exchange gifts (since last year they tried that and everyone wound up bringing presents regardless) the Losers had decided to do a “holiday gift exchange” where each Loser was randomly assigned one of the others’ names and bought that person a gift.

Richie had been assigned Bill, and in true Richie fashion had bought him a copy of Save the Cat Writes a Novel as a gag gift. (He had also bought him a first edition copy of Dracula as his actual gift; Richie was a bit of a prankster, but he wasn’t a complete asshole.)

Eddie glanced over at his suitcase. “Yeah, just so it’s less that we have to carry. You’re all packed then?”

Richie quirked an eyebrow and bit back a grin. “Well no, that’s what I have you for.”

“Wait a minute, you mean our flight leaves in less than 15 hours and you’re not packed yet?” Eddie’s voice went up in pitch with each word.

Richie couldn’t keep a straight face. “Eds, babe, I’m kidding, calm down. I packed a couple of days ago according to the list you gave me. Even folded my shirts and everything.”

“That was so not funny.”  Eddie glowered at him. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Mmm, true,” Richie said sincerely, pulling Eddie even closer and tucking his head into Eddie’s neck. “I’m the luckiest motherfucker alive.”

He could feel the residual tension leave Eddie’s body. “Now, I take it that dinner’s ready, and not only that but we have an early flight to catch, so let’s eat and get ready for bed.”

____________________________________________________________

“…This is your captain speaking. I’d like to personally welcome you to Atlanta, Georgia.The time is 2:40 pm and the temperature is 61 degrees. On behalf of all of us, thank you for flying Delta.”

Richie pulled out his phone and shot off a text to Stan as soon as he and Eddie deplaned. Eds and I just landed. On our way as soon as we get our luggage.

Stan the Man: Ben & Bev and Mike are already here and I think Bill & Audra’s flight should be arriving in about an hour and a half.

Stan the Man: Eddie has our address. See you guys soon.

Richie put his phone away as he & Eddie made their way to baggage claim to collect their luggage, and soon they were on their way to Stan and Patty’s house.

Upon arriving they hauled their suitcases up Stan’s porch steps and rang the doorbell.

Stan answered the door. “Hey, guys. So glad you could make it.”

“Staniel! How’s it going?” Richie gave Stan a quick hug before turning to Patty, who was holding Olivia. “Patty, looking beautiful, as always. And how’s my favorite niece?” he cooed at Olivia.

“Hey, I take offense to that,” Beverly said jokingly as she entered the room, rubbing her growing stomach. “As I’m sure do Bill and Audra.”

Richie gave her a peck on the cheek. “Well, considering both you and Audra are having boys, Liv will continue to be my favorite niece. But don’t worry, whoever gets named after me will get the title of favorite nephew.”

“Well too bad for you then, huh?” Bev laughed.

“Yeah, yeah. Everyone knows that Uncle Richie will spoil Little Benson and Wilson just as much as I spoil Olivia.”

“I’m sure you will,” Eddie said coming up from behind him and giving Beverly a hug and a peck on the cheek as well. “Bev, how have you been feeling?”

“Just fine,” Beverly answered. “Baby’s doing great.”

“So where’s that gorgeous husband of yours?” Richie asked.

Beverly grinned. “You know how he & Mike are when they get together. They’re looking at pictures from Mike’s trip to New Orleans last month. Appreciating the architecture.”

Richie snorted. “Nerds.”

“Let me show you guys to your room,” Stan said. “I know you both probably want to take a nap and a shower before the festivities tonight.”

“I don’t know about you guys, but a nap does sound wonderful,” Beverly added. “I’m still a bit jet-lagged.”

Stan led them to one of the spare bedrooms with its own private bathroom. “We’re planning on dinner at six, so you guys can come down at any time.”

“Oh, hey, what are we doing with the gifts?” Richie asked. “We have some for Olivia and I have my exchange gift.”

“I think we’re putting them by the Christmakkah tree,” Stan said. “Thanks for the menorah ornaments, by the way.”

Richie grinned. “I couldn’t pass them up.”

Eddie grabbed the suitcase with the gifts before Richie could get to it. “Here, Rich, why don’t you go ahead and rest and I’ll go put the gifts under the tree? I’ll be right back.”

Before Richie could answer Eddie was carefully wheeling the suitcase back downstairs.

Richie shook his head fondly. That’s my Eddie.  

As much as Eddie had changed over the past 27 years, at his core he was still Eddie.  He was still the same neurotic, foul-mouthed, caring little shit that Richie had fallen in love with all those years ago.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

The thought shouldn’t have surprised Richie – after all, he had had the same thought once before when they were teenagers – but now, now, he could; that is, if Eddie would have him. Does Eddie even want to get married again?

Although they were 100% committed to each other, marriage wasn’t exactly something they had talked about.

Still, Richie let his mind wander, thinking about going out and buying a ring, planning the perfect proposal (maybe the day Eddie got his Master’s degree? Richie wasn’t sure he could wait any longer than that), sliding the ring onto Eddie’s finger…

He was still thinking when Eddie came back into the room. “Okay, Olivia’s gifts are all set out, and we really should’ve gotten something for Ben & Bev and Bill & Audra’s kids, maybe each like a onesie or something.”

He walked over to Richie and lay down next to him on the bed, noticing the obviously sappy look on Richie’s face. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Marry me, Richie thought, but instead said, “God, I love you.”

Eddie’s face instantly softened. “I love you too.”

“I’m so proud of you, you know that?” Richie continued. “I know the past year hasn’t been easy but you’ve kicked ass and managed to get your nursing degree in 3 semesters–”

Eddie snorted. “Yeah, only because all the anatomy and health classes I took the first time I was in college managed to transfer once I tested out of them, not to mention the fact that I took the max number of hours each semester and also took summer classes while you were on tour instead of going with you.”

“And not only that, but you received your degree with a 4.0 and was offered a TA position when you start the graduate program next semester.” Richie scooted closer and rolled his hips into Eddie’s. “Mmm, just thinking about playing nurse with my brilliant boyfriend is getting me all hot. Can’t wait to call you ‘Nurse Kaspbrak’ in bed.”

Eddie’s face contorted in an adorable combination of rage and laughter. “You had to go and ruin it, didn’t you?”

Richie laughed. “No but really, I’m so fucking proud of you, Eds and I’m honored to be along for the ride.”

“Thank you, Rich. I’m glad you’re part of it too.” Eddie gave him a peck on the tip of his nose. “Now rest, we’ve got an exciting night ahead.”

__________________________________________________________

After a few hours’ nap Richie woke up to an empty bed but could hear the shower running.

He contemplated drifting back off to sleep when he heard the shower shut off and the bathroom door open. “Rich? You awake? It’s 5:15.”

Richie stretched and ran a hand through his messy hair, grabbing for his glasses as he sat up. “Yeah, babe, I’m up.”

Eddie gave him a quick kiss. “I’m gonna get dressed and head downstairs to see if Stan and Patty need help with anything while you’re in the shower. Meet you down there?”

Richie nodded, then slid out of bed and padded to the bathroom, where he took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and got dressed in the outfit Eddie had laid out on the bed for him – a soft lime green cashmere sweater and a pair of jeans – and headed down the stairs, where he rounded the corner to see all the Losers together.

He greeted Ben and Mike, then Bill and Audra, placing a gentle hand on Audra’s stomach when she asked him if he wanted to feel the baby kick.

He turned when he heard the click of a camera and looked up to see Eddie putting his phone away. “Blackmail photos?” he said jokingly. “Come on, Eds, all you have to do is ask in order to get me in more compromising positions.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Gotta document you being cute since it happens so rarely.”

After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room for their gift exchange. Richie took a sleeping Olivia while Stan and Patty opened her gifts.

The Losers gifted her with various toys, clothes (“I’m thinking about starting a children’s clothing line,” Beverly explained when Patty pulled a beautiful hand-stitched dress out of a gift bag), and other necessities for a baby.

Richie looked down when Olivia stirred and blinked her eyes open. “Well hello, princess,” Richie cooed. “You decided to wake up for Uncle Richie?”

He grinned as Olivia smiled at him. “Aww look, Eds, she’s smiling at me! Yes, you think Uncle Richie is funny, don’t you?”

“She’d be the only one,” Stan said dryly as he took her in order to change her now that she was awake.

“Hey, I will have you know that all of my jokes are now Eddie-approved,” Richie replied.

Eddie shrugged. “What can I say, his stand-up has improved since firing his writer.”

Once Stan had come back and set Olivia in her bassinet, it was time for the adults to exchange gifts.

Once Bill, Audra, Ben, Bev, Mike, and Patty (who had Patty, Ben, Eddie, Audra, Stan, and Bev, respectively) all had gone, Stan stood. “I had Mike,” he announced, before handing Mike his gift.

Richie glanced over at Eddie, who was studying the hem of his sweater as if it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. He opened his mouth to say something to Eddie when Stan interrupted. “Rich, you want to go next?”

Richie glanced to where 7 pairs of eyes were staring at him. “Uh, yeah, ok.”

He stood and handed Bill’s gift to him. “Merry Christmakkah, man.”

Bill laughed at the copy of Save the Cat. “I figure it’ll help you learn how to write an ending,” Richie joked.

“Thanks, Richie. This is so great.”

Richie sat back down on the sofa and Stan turned to Eddie. “Eddie, it’s your turn.”

Eddie went to the tree and grabbed a wrapped present. “I really did have it shipped here so you wouldn’t be nosing in the closets trying to find it.”

Richie ripped open the wrapping paper. “Eds, baby, this is fantastic! Thank you so much.” Eddie had bought him a new Bluetooth-enabled, all-in-one record player.

“There’s um, there’s something else, too,” Eddie said, heading back to the tree.

Richie watched as Stan and Eddie seemed to have a silent conversation before Eddie nodded, picking up a small, light blue gift bag. He silently handed it to Richie.

“Aww, thanks, babe.”

Richie untied the white ribbon that was keeping the bag shut, stuck his hand inside…

… And pulled out a note.

“Uh, Eds, baby, it’s customary to give the gag gift BEFORE giving the real gift,” he said jokingly.

“Just read it,” Eddie replied. He seemed nervous.

Richie unfolded the note. In Eddie’s neat handwriting were 5 words:

Richie, will you marry me?

What. He looked up and froze.

Eddie was down on one knee in front of him, a platinum ring in his hands.

Richie blinked. “Eds?”

Eddie took a deep breath. “Richie, exactly one year ago we took one of the biggest leaps of our lives together.  Will you take another with me tonight and make me the happiest man alive?”

Richie’s eyes filled with tears. “Fuck yes,” he said, then pulled Eddie to him for a kiss.

Cheers and congratulations filled his ears.

Eddie slid the ring onto his finger. “I love you so much,” he whispered against Richie’s lips.

“I love you too.”

In the meantime, Stan and Patty had grabbed a bottle of champagne (sparkling grape juice for Bev and Audra) and had poured everyone a glass. “A toast!” Stan declared. “To Eddie and Richie: May you be friends to each other as only lovers can; and may you love each other as only best friends can. Mazel tov!”

“Mazel tov!” everyone else echoed as they raised their glasses.

Richie looked around at his friends – no, his family – as they all took a sip of their drinks, then down at Eddie, who was looking up at him with the same love and admiration that Richie himself felt for Eddie.

“Merry Christmakkah, Rich,” Eddie said softly.

“Merry Christmakkah, Eds,” he whispered before leaning down and connecting his lips to his fiance’s.

[aion-rsa]

The 20 Best Horror Movies on Netflix UK – Scary Films to Watch Right Now

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Netflix is an ever-changing, constantly growing treasure trove of hidden gems and secret delights (here’s everything new on Netflix UK this month). Sometimes, a teeny bit too secret though.

Who hasn’t sat down to watch a horror movie and found themselves scrolling endlessly, either not being able to find something they’re in the mood for, or not really knowing what half the titles are, or if they’re any good?

We’ve scoured the full current catalogue available to watch in the UK now and picked out the best scary movies. It’s a mix of classic and new, and a range of slashers, horror-coms, mumblegore, monster movies and more to hopefully scratch that itch with ease.

We’ll keep this updated as and when titles drop in and out of the service.

Hereditary (2018)

If you haven’t seen this slice of trauma, the feature debut of Ari Aster, you probably should. If you have seen it, you probably won’t want to again. Toni Collette stars as a woman whose controlling mother has just passed away setting of a series of horrible events. Aster says the film was partly inspired by his own sense of his family being cursed – this a movie absolutely drenched in grief and pain with astonishing performances all round. It’s tough going, but it’s a masterpiece. Read our review.

The Platform (2019)

This existential Spanish horror made a splash at the start of lockdown with it’s tale of prisoner trapped in an enormous vertical prison with a platform at it’s centre which delivers food to the inmate floor by floor starting at the top, so that each floor only gets what the floor above has left over. It’s political, allegorical, it’s clever and it’s very violent.

The Endless (2017)

Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead’s gorgeous sci-fi horror stars the two as brother who escaped from a cult ten years ago and are drawn back in in search of answers when a strange videotape arrives. This is their third movie after Resolution and Spring and the two are only growing in strength as directors – The Endless is rammed with indelible imagery and deeply unsettling moments within a plot that is a joy to unpick.

What Keeps You Alive (2018)

Couple Jackie and Jules head to a remote woodland cabin to celebrate their first wedding anniversary but things go bad… Ok this sounds like the most generic slasher in the world but trust us it’s not. Twists hit early on (that we’d hate to spoil) and the tension ramps up fast in a very effective cat and mouse chase with a female bent. This comes from Colin Minihan who made Grave Encounters – this isn’t similar but both have a disorientating sense of place. Read our review.

Orphan (2009)

Released during the heyday of Dark Castle’s mid-budget horror splurge, Orphan is one of those genre films with an absolutely ludicrous (and therefore thoroughly enjoyable) twist, which we will not spoil for you. Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga star as a couple mourning the loss of their baby, who decided to adopt a little Russian girl called Esther from the local orphanage. Things quickly start to go very, very wrong as the pair start to suspect that wee Esther – who insists on dressing like a spooky doll – isn’t all she appears to be. Check out our review.

Insidious (2010)

The many sequels may have yielded diminishing returns but the first of this franchise, about a couple (Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne) whose comatose son appeared to be trapped in another realm by a evil spirit, is a very effective chiller. Horror genius James Wan directs, and the first half of this movie at least is pretty much guaranteed to make you jump out of your skin.

Annihilation (2018)

An all star cast including Natalie Portman, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Tessa Thompson, plus the quality direction of Alex Garland wasn’t enough to secure this horror sci-fi based on Jeff Vandermeer’s novel a theatrical release in the UK. Nevermind, that just means you can watch it for free on Netflix. Portman joins a crew of women exploring the mysterious Area X where he husband ventured some time before and came back changed. It’s a weird, unfamiliar landscape of beautiful flora and terrifying fauna defying explanation until the strange, indelible finale (not sure what it means? Have a read of this explainer). And you can check out our review, too if you like.

Daybreakers (2009)

You’ll get a little bit of everything with this Spierig Brothers curio. It was the film that really got the directing team noticed and it’s not hard to see why. Set in a dystopian world where basically everyone has been turned into a vampire, one corporation thinks it’d be a bloody (sorry) good idea to track down all the surviving humans and…well, basically milk them. Ethan Hawke stars as a vampire haematologist who starts to think there might be another way for this story to go after he’s collared by a former vampire (Willem Dafoe), who can cure everyone. (Living) dead good. Check out our review.

The Bar (2017)

Slightly bonkers Spanish horror thriller which sees a bunch of strangers stuck in a busy Madrid cafe when snipers begin shooting anyone who tries to leave. Confusion and personality clashes abound in this economical single location chiller with a dark sense of human as the inhabitants slowly discover what’s going on, who’s responsible and try to work out if and how they will survive.

Read more

TV

Netflix UK: What’s New in April 2020?

By Kirsten Howard

TV

21 underappreciated films to watch on Netflix UK

By Paul Bradshaw and 2 others

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon’s love/hate letter to the horror genre felt like something of a game changer when it finally arrived (it was shelved for several years because of financial issue with original distributor MGM). Chris Hemsworth and Haley Bennett star in a double layer story about ordinary kids vacationing in a woodland cabin, with Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins as very particular kinds of bureaucrats up to something in the background. No spoilers, just watch. Here’s our review.

Cargo (2017)

Martin Freeman stars in this Netflix original developed from a short directed by Ben Howling and Yolanda Ramke. Set in the Australian outback, Freeman is a father trying to find someone to protect his child in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. More wistful and emotional than that sounds on paper, there’s a fascinating subplot about an Aboriginal girl mourning her father and the final set piece is unforgettable. Check out our review.

Lifeforce (1985)

A Cannon Films classic directed by late Texas Chain Saw legend Tobe Hooper, people are still discovering the ’80s madness that is Lifeforce. Originally entitled Space Vampires, it’s exactly what you’d expect, and so much more. Nude, energy sucking bat creatures are brought back to Earth after an interstellar mission finds a gaggle of them lying dormant in Halley’s Comet, and it all goes very badly for the planet. You can expect a scenery-chewing Patrick Stewart to pop up in between the tits and gore. Not literally! Although, sometimes literally.

Creep (2014)

No, not the one set on the tube, this ‘mumblegore’ horror is far weirder than that. Director Patrice Brice plays Aaron, a videographer hired by Mark Duplass’s Josef to make a video for his kid to watch after he’s died of a terminal illness. Or does he? Playing on the power of politeness and the awkwardness of male relationships this is a highly original, itchily uncomfortable watch. Creep 2 is also on Netflix, and also good!

Read more

TV

17 of the best TV series on Netflix UK

By Louisa Mellor

TV

Underappreciated comedy movies on Netflix UK to watch now

By Mark Harrison and 1 other

Hush (2016)

Another smart sensory-based horror, this time from Oculus and Doctor Sleep man Mike Flanagan. This home invasioner sees deaf writer Maddie (Kate Siegel) attacked in her woodland retreat by a masked stranger. He uses her inability to hear to sneak around and terrorise her, but she has tricks of her own up her sleeve. Check out our review.

The Invitation (2015)

Karyn Kusama (Jennifer’s Body, Destroyer) just keeps knocking it out of the park (and she’s recently been attached to a Dracula movie from Blumhouse Productions), and with The Invitation she continued to secure her place as one of the best directors around. Here, Will (Logan Marshall-Green) and his girlfriend go to a party held by his formerly suicidal ex-wife, and discover that she seems to be happier than she ever was, but Will starts to suspect that rather than healthily coping with her mental illness, she may well have joined a doomsday cult instead, and be planning to kill them all. Paranoia and tension are at the max in this bad boy. Here’s our review.

Little Evil (2017)

Comedy horror from Eli Craig who made the wonderful Tucker and Dale Vs Evil. This time he’s playing on creepy kid tropes, particular those from The Omen movies. Adam Scott plays a man who discovers his new wife’s (Evangeline Lilly) son might actually be the anti-christ. And because it’s Eli Craig, of course it’s funny and very good natured as well as playing with the genre.

Gerald’s Game (2017)

Another Mike Flanagan offering here – what can we say? he’s damn good! – as Jessie (a spectacular Carla Guigino) and her husband Gerald drive to a remote house to try and spice up their marriage with a bit of gentle BDSM. One problem: Jessie is not into it. At all. Two problems: Gerald carks it, leaving her tied up with only her cunning to help her free herself from her prone, handcuffed predicament. Three problems: a mythical, supernatural killer may be in the house. Stephen King, you’ve done it again. Read our review.

Ravenous (2017)

Unusual Canadian zombie movie (in French) which sees remaining stragglers after an outbreak of the infected band together in disparate groups travelling to find other survivors. Ravenous sets up its infected as worshipping a sort of new religion of found items (chairs, TVs etc.) making comment on the zombification of society. It’s also funny and quite scary, so there’s that.

Veronica (2017)

Loosely based on a true story, Veronica is set in Madrid in 1991 and follows a young woman who messes with a Ouija board who thinks she’s accidentally summoned an evil spirit. Director by Paco Plaza, one of the two directors behind [REC], the movie gained minor notoriety when it first landed on Netflix because of a few viewers finding it overly scary. It’s true there are some seriously creepy bits (but you’ll be fine!).

The Perfection (2018)

Get Out‘s Allison Williams and Dear White People‘s Logan Browning star in this twisty, trashy but nonetheless enjoyable tale of two musical prodigies hothoused at a mysterious academy. It’s lurid and lavish (and it’s got some fairly dodgy sexual politics, we’d warn you) but great lead performances and a tricksy three act structure that keeps you guessing, make this an entertaining and unusual Friday night pick. Read our review.

Want more horror? Here’s our list of 81 genuinely creepy horror movies. Here are some horror movies it’s safe to watch with your kids. And here are some underappreciated Scream-inspired horror movies of the 90s.

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[angelimortisrp-blog]

G L O R Y (&&) GORE — meet ADRIAN VENTURI; the HEIR.

“just another hit for the one you love, if you cared at all, you'd put me down, wake up dead man,”

{ ♚  AT A GLANCE }

name: Adrian Venturi

age: 28

gender & pronouns: UTP

occupation: Socialite

loyalty: The Venturi

availability: Open

faceclaim: Jack Falahee  ( non-negotiable )

{ ♚ A DEEPER LOOK }

”You’re on a path of self-destruction Adrian and it needs to stop!” Juliet’s word were pleading, her eyes begging him. He was far from thinking that his sister had some agenda when she invited him for diner but he should have known. This was Juliet and she always had a secret agenda. He just never thought he’d be one. Adrian stared almost blankly at her. If this was anyone else, he wouldn’t hesitate to insult them. But family did mean something to him, even if he rarely showed it these days. He rarely showed anything at all. At least anything that wasn’t fuelled by alcohol and drugs. He was notorious for his party antics and he didn’t care. He was a fucking Venturi and it apparently meant that you could do whatever the hell you wanted. Who cares if it was fuelled by anger and detachment? But now Juliet was trying to lecture him and he wouldn’t have any of it. “I think we’re done here,” he said coldly while standing up. And apparently it was true, they were done, as this would be the last time he ever spoke to her.

{ ♚ A HISTORY LESSON }

Adrian Venturi came into this world silently. Not one to fuss, he wasn’t the kind of baby that cried a lot, so much that his parents often wondered if that was normal. He was dotted upon and his every need was answered before he even formulated them. He was spoiled and he enjoyed it. But even when things didn’t go his way, he never threw tantrums. Instead, he acted impulsively and attracted the attention he wanted differently. There was a lot of pressure in being the only Venturi boy, or in being a Venturi period. Adrian thought he was handling it all well, but trying hard not to care.

He started to get in trouble during his high school years. When something didn’t go the way he wanted, he would act out. Adrian Venturi wanted a lot of things, all for himself and his own pleasure, and he wasn’t afraid to take them. He was careless and had a certain disregard for others. He became to be notoriously known for his partying and his lack of concern towards the consequences of his lifestyle. He was gorgeous and he knew it; he took full advantage of that.

Hoping that things would change and that he would mature, Adrian was sent to boarding school during his sophomore year. He came back home changed after his graduation. His antics didn’t stop, they actually increased. The only thing that was different was how much he withdraw form the family, even his sisters. In his eyes, they had all tried to get rid of him, even Ariana who sat him down and tried to convince him that boarding school would be good. But it wasn’t until she moved away that he completely shut himself down. Family didn’t mean nothing to them and so it would stop meaning something to him. Juliet tried his best to reach him but even she couldn’t succeed. And now she was gone.

The fact that Ariana has come running back to the family she so quickly set aside is not lost on him, neither are her numerous attempt to get him to talk to her. Adrian is content in ignoring her as much as possible, his grief weighting heavier than anyone could know. But in the city that never sleeps, it’s easy to pretend that reality doesn’t affect us. And that’s exactly what Adrian wants to do, to continue to pretend that everything is alright.

{ ♚ NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT }

Adrian feels an unspeakable pain because of the lost of the sister he was once so close to. But his detached attitude makes it seems different, a facade that few can see through. Drinking the days away has never been so easy and numbing the pain with every mean so tempting. There’s something addictive in him, something that makes it so easy for him to always want more of anything that feels remotely good, even if the fall is always his own destruction. Unlike Ariana or his parents who have a goal, to make whoever is responsible for this pay, Adrian is more than ever without a purpose.

{ ♚ ABOUT THE PERSONALITY }

+: charismatic, -: arrogant, careless, hedonistic

A prince already sitting on his father’s throne, a duty he never wanted, Adrian couldn’t act more indifferent towards his responsibilities. Careless and reckless, everything was a good reason to deceive the family. Once a lovable boy, the man he grew up into is no longer as smiling and affectionate. Cold and distant, with a wall around him, the gossips can’t get enough of New York’s most eligible bachelor.

{ ♚ FRIENDS & FOES }

♠ Ariana Venturi ( SISTER ) - “the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies” ; The one who used to be his rock is now only a distant relative to Adrian. Betrayed is what he feels toward his sister and the pain is only greater now that Juliet is gone. A disappointment to his parents, or so he feels like, he always thought that Ariana was proud of him no matter what. That feeling went away the day she sided with the family to send him away.

♠ Michael McCoy ( FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ) - “this was sex, not a date” ; One night stands are usually what Adrian prefer and very few are those who gets to have him for more than one night. But Michael is one of them. Their relationship is an unlikely one, the corrupt cop and the son of a mob boss. Maybe that’s what Adrian like so much about the man or maybe it’s something else. He’s not one to ponder and question it, but he does, very occasionally, wonders if there isn’t something more between them.

♠ Elizabeth Benson ( DRUG DEALER ) - “keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer” ; Contrary to what most people think, Adrian isn’t completely clueless when it comes to the family business. He knows enough to know who she deals for and that’s exactly why he goes to her. The fact that her drugs are better than the Romano’s are only an added bonus.

{ ♚ EXTRAS }

character teaser.

inspiration tag.

gif hunts.

ADRIAN VENTURI  IS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE FOR AUDITIONS.

[alvskat]

under the cut is all my chars, links to their pages, and mini bios about them all for plotting purposes. if anyone wants to plot, feel free to hit me up tbh, or like this and i’ll come to you. thxxxxxx.

cordelia genevieve von jenner (gigi hadid fc) - 21, fashion designer, aries, the queen bitch. cordelia has always grown up with more money than she knew what to do with (but that didn’t stop her from trying to use it all). she grew up in beverly hills, california and has the valley girl accent to match. everyone thinks that she’s ditzy and dumb usually the moment they see her. her family life has never been great. her mom is critical of every little thing she does and her father is just absent whenever she needs him most. the person she’s closest to is her twin sister, ziggy. they were raised by nannies and couldn’t have turned out more differently. where ziggy is kind and sweet and caring, cordelia is cold and cruel and cunning. she has a plot for everything and was the classic mean girl in high school. she came to new york university for college and ended up dropping out after two years, being offered a job to design for a major fashion company in the city itself after spending a year there for an internship. good connections for her would probs be ex boyfriends, hookups, best friends, friends from home, friends turned enemies, etc.

margot avery benson (nina dobrev fc) - 23, medical student, leo, the sweetheart. margot is probably one of the kindest people that anyone has ever met. she cares about people to an extreme degree. she’s competitive to a fault, headstrong, and never without a smile on her face. she’s also the biggest klutz known to man and tends to make awkward situations 200x more awkward than they need be. she’s the second oldest of four siblings–the eldest of whom recently died in a tragic car accident over the summer. this really affected margot’s world negatively and made her re-evaluate things. she was dating a boy literally for years–they were high school sweethearts and everyone thought they would go on to be together forever–but after her sister’s death, she immediately pulled away from him, breaking up with him because she realized she hadn’t gotten to experience much of life without a boyfriend. basically, her purpose is now to feel as alive as possible and become the best person that she can. she’s trying to figure out what she wants to do, how she’s going to do it, and what’s most important to her. connections for her that i would love is the ex-boyfriend she dated for years, a good friend group (squaaaad), and academic rivals.

rowan scott vitto (jeremy allen white fc) - 22, investigative journalist at the new york times, capricorn. the stoner. rowan  has a love for the green stuff. overall, he’s not so much different from the frat brothers he left in college–he partied (still does often), he slept around until he met his girlfriend silver–but he is a kind, poetic soul at heart. he spends most of his time reading old literature and writing his own poetry. he has a younger sister, venus, who he protects like no other. his father is a little out there as a person and, in turn, so is he. they’re a close family for the most part, but the death of their mom really took its toll on all of them. when he’s graduated, rowan is  ambitious and romantic and just the sweetest lil southern gentleman  you’ll ever see in your life. he’s also ridiculously rich and is very giving because of it, as he knows that not everyone has the same opportunities as he does. 10/10 guy. would probably make pancakes in the morning for the girls his frat bros slept with in college. some great connections for him would be exes, a best friend, frat brothers from college, coworkers, etc.

chander dawn miller (phoebe tonkin fc) - 21, actress, taurus, the reformed. chandler dawn is a household name. anyone who’s anyone has heard of her. since the age of 12 when she was first discovered as an actress and went to work on a successful kids tv show, she’s been a star. from magazine covers to movie premieres to award shows, chandler never had a normal childhood; she never had the chance, and it very clearly affected her once she hit adolescence. she went a little crazy come her teenage years, especially once she turned 16. she began sleeping around, partying like wild. she wasn’t the sweet, household name anymore. she wanted to show the world that she changed and grown up. this went on for years. all anyone would see in magazines was more articles about her getting arrested for underage drinking or drinking and driving or drug possession. it wasn’t until she finally nearly overdosed on cocaine that she realized that she needed to get her shit together. her dad no longer a part of her life, her mom acts as her agent and isn’t so enthusiastic about her daughter taking it easy from acting and moving to new york, but chandler is hoping that the change will be good for her. that it will be a new beginning. good connections for her are party friends that she used to hang out with, fellow actresses, enemies/rivals, bad influence friends, etc.

miranda angelica lancaster (nicola peltz fc) - 21, business student, capricorn, the executive. miranda lancaster is no one you can push around. while she believes in class and dignity above all else, she will still punch someone in the face if they piss her off. she doesn’t take shit and she’s kind of a bitch, but that comes with the territory of being a spoiled brat. she’s driven and determined and knows what she wants--in life, in a partner, in her future--and she’s willing to go to whatever lengths to make them all happen. her true dream is to take over her father’s business once she graduates, but he seems determined to give it over to her older brother, sebastian, instead, despite the fact that he doesn’t want to do it. some gr8 connections for her would be friends with benefits, unlikely friends, a friend she can protect that doesn’t speak up as much for themselves, enemies, exes, etc.

toby anthony dermott (daniel sharman fc) - 22, store clerk, cancer, the addict. toby’s life hasn’t been an easy one for him. when he was about ten years old, his parents passed away in a random shooting at the grocery store they were at. he’s lived with his grandparents since. they’ve never been wealthy, in fact most of the time they lived a paycheck to paycheck lifestyle, but toby never took it for granted. he was extremely grateful for them, but at the same time, he was depressed. he missed his family and the way things used to be. he turned to drugs in his time of need, only at age 15. though he sucked at actually attending school, he was practically a genius. he had a natural inclination toward mechanical engineering and, thanks to a teacher who knew him well and wrote him a glowing letter of recommendation, he got a scholarship to attend nyu. still in the prime of his addiction, he attended school there, getting an apartment in the city. it was only after a semester, though, that his grandfather passed away from a heart attack. his world was changed once more, and now he was determined to get sober. he went to rehab back home for a few months and ended up returning once more to new york. he’s never seen himself as worth very much, but he wanted a fresh start in the city to take his mind off of all he lost at home. he’s still close to his grandmother, though. some wanted connections for him are exes, cousins/family, friends from home, friends from his time in college, coworkers, etc.

sasha marie underwood (dominique provost-chalkley fc) - 22, dance instructor/student of dance, virgo, the idealist. sasha’s parents gave her up when she was only a few hours old. all they left her with was a note explaining their decision and her birth certificate. sasha had never had the heart to read the letter, even today, but she’s always kept it close to her bed at night, tucked away in a nightstand. she moved in and out of foster care from that age onward, bouncing from home to home. finding a home seemed impossible and making friendships seemed even worse, as she was always moving around, being separated from those she cared about. she made one friend in foster care that she lives with now in new york and they remain closer than ever. sasha’s experience in foster care was a terrible one full of abuse, but the friend made things seem easier for a time at least. she was never adopted, but when she was 18, she left, having earned a scholarship for dance at the new york academy of the arts. she’s a kind, open-minded soul with so much love and heart to give. she puts her everything into teaching kids how to dance and wants to be on broadway someday. some connections i would love for her would be the friend from foster care she lives with, any other friends from it, ex-siblings, exes, parents of kids she teaches, etc.

[tialovestelevision]

Wrecked

{*\../*} :  So, here we are continuing our watch of the pivot of Season 6. Thank you all for bearing with how much longer these dialogues are than the usual posts. We’re enjoying doing them and there’s a lot of meat to chew over on these bones, plus it makes it a little easier for Tia not to pull her pretty hair out by the roots.

T: Ex. Ter. Mi. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

We are superior.

{*\../*} : Let me just de-Dalek her and we’ll get started with “Wrecked.” Maybe it can make some sense of the bizarre theme jumble that was “Smashed,” huh?

T: “I am confused/I watch the show.” Previously On happens. They should sing the Previously Ons. Stop fucking spike, Buffy.

{*\../*} :  I’m just... we go from a shot of them crashing through the floor mid-fuck to a dancing dog with a newspaper. Which is being watched by Dawn and Tara, who are asleep on Buffy’s couch in a classic mom-and-daughter pose - Dawn curled up under a blanket and Tara tucked into the arm of the couch with her shawl wrapped around her. Those images SHOULD NOT FOLLOW EACH OTHER. It is horrible and wrong.

T: I think I recognize that cartoon. But I can’t place it in my mind, nor can I find which one it is in a Google search. This is very disconcerting. Dragon found it. It’s called “Ding Dong Daddy,” and is a 1942 Merrie Melodies short. In it, a dog falls in love with a statue and does self-destructive things while also earning the ire of a massive bulldog. The statue eventually gets turned into a shell, which detonates when the dog kisses it. I think this might be the most plot-important incidental detail Buffy’s thrown at us.

{*\../*} : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UHupHDwJJQ

Anyway, on with the show for those who choose not to spoil themselves. Tara wakes up, startled, followed by Dawn. Her first line is “What time is it?”

T: The cartoons at 7 AM mean it’s Saturday, so Dawn’s not missing school.

{*\../*} : Nobody is home. Neither Willow or Buffy came home to a house where they did not know Tara would be. As far as they left a fifteen year old girl alone all night without notice. This is the kind of thing that causes young girls to steal mystical amulets as an attention seeking behavior, people!

T: Then they get kidnapped by musical fire demons. Seriously, you have to deal with this. She just stopped being a Key to the apocalypse!

{*\../*} : Tara making excuses for them (“I’m sure they just lost track of time”) is just so painful. I’m literally in tears over here. All you people except Tara ought to have your parental rights revoked.

T: Tara is the only sane adult in Dawn’s life. Tara is the only functional adult in Dawn’s life. Given that she apparently has no living relatives who are interested in having her around (Buffy’s still legally dead, her father’s absentee), I’d say Tara ought to adopt the girl.

I’d watch Tara the Witch and her Daughter Dawn. That sounds like a good show!

{*\../*} : Amen to that. Cut to the ruins of a house and someone’s naked foot. It’s Buffy. She looks around, and then down at Spike. “When... when did the building fall down?” “I don’t know. Sometime between the first time and the... uh...” Spike replies. Buffy: “Oh. Oh my God” in a choked, horrified voice. Smash cut to....

T: Opening sequence. No Tara.

{*\../*} : Buffy is in a hurry to leave and looking for her shoes. She at least seems to be aware she left Dawn alone all night. Spike is making innuendo. “Not going to happen,” declares Buffy. “Last night was the end of this freak show.” Spike proceeds to grab her and hold on to her while she grunts in pain. He’s saying words which I’m sure are meant to be important but all I can see is a (nominal) man’s holding a woman against her will after she’s expressed the desire to leave and not continue a relationship with him. Holding her in place while he dictates to her what she should or shouldn’t say. On Buffy. She actually says “Stop” and “no and they go on kissing and then fucking. And then he says something that’s frankly mild dirty talk and I’m supposed to get riled with Sarah about that? Really? And then she verbally cuts him, really cuts him, and I’m supposed to care about the feelings of the goddamn vampire (still no soul!) that was jumping right on the rape line about thirty seconds ago. I now hate both of these people.

T: This scene might actually be worse than Giles poisoning Buffy in “Helpless.” It’s aggressively bad, in a painful, toxic way. Not in the “This is building drama to either string me along or move toward a satisfying conclusion” way. This scene has X-Pac Heat. In fact, X-Pac has This Scene Heat.

It’s not even cleverly written the way so much of the dialogue in “Smashed” was. It’s just bad, through and through. How did this slip out of the writer’s room?

Spike is whining. And Buffy is again telling him to let her go. “I may be dirt, but you’re the one who likes to roll in it, Slayer.” And Buffy is threatening his undeath if he tells anyone. He pulls out her panties. She punches him. I. Hate. All. Things.

Oh, good. Tara. Decent Person Tara. Tara, who I want to be watching a show all about now. Tara, one of like four characters the show hasn’t destroyed my sympathy for in the last hour. Hi, Tara. Please do something good and kind and decent. Like make pancakes. Pancakes are good.

Dawn is worried about everyone. She wants to call Xander. They might be dead in a ditch. Tara sympathizes but wants to let people sleep, because it’s early and Saturday and Tara is a decent person.

{*\../*} : And Willow is walking in with Amy like it’s no big thing right up until she sees Tara. Who is giving her death eyes that I wish I didn’t want to be so literal.

T: I like Xander better than Willow or Buffy right now. Xander! You know, Hyena Possessed Me And Made Me Less Creepy Xander? HIM? Yeah, I’m pining for a Xander scene.

Willow introduces Amy and Tara. And Amy talks up Willow’s power.

{*\../*} :Tara’s eyes. Oh dear. Tara’s eyes. Also, she’s stuttering again.

T: Tara’s eyes. Dawn’s face, too. Tara does not want to talk to any of them. Buffy just came in. She has bruises and soreness and is lying about it.

{*\../*} : Both Willow and Buffy are letting each other off the hook for not coming home. In front of Dawn. While giving each other the guilty looks.

T: Willow, don’t fix the pancakes with your magic. Please. Wait… did she just not fix the pancakes? Amy is leaving. Buffy is apologizing to Dawn… I don’t think Willow did that. Willow apologized to Buffy and to Tara.

{*\../*} : And now Buffy and Willow are going upstairs. To bed. Leaving Dawn alone. Again. “I’ll just go find some awake people,” she says. Look in the dictionary under ‘neglect’ and you will find this.

T: There is one group of people doing their jobs in this episode. The actors are given a script and direction and told to sell those things to the audience. They’re doing that as well as anybody could. Amber Benson and Michelle Trachtenberg are kind of the stars of the episode so far, but everyone’s doing a great job with their performances. Their wonderful, wonderful performances of their awful, awful direction.

{*\../*} : The writing is actually pretty good at the scene-execution level - the dialogue has good, bleak flow and the scenarios play out in-character. But on the conceptual level, what this is telling us about the characters of these people is horrifying.

T: We’ve got the show paused on Willow going into the bedroom - the bedroom that was Joyce’s, before Buffy’s death. I’m noticing details here. The very old-fashioned light switch, the wallpaper. This is a place Joyce Summers would have felt at home, but the bedding is very Willow and Tara.. The set design in Buffy isn’t talked about much, but it’s really good.

{*\../*} : The way Alyson flows down on the bed, still wearing her clothes, is like someone took all her bones out. She’s selling the hell out of someone who’s simultaneous depressed and coming down off an all-night high. If good acting could save this plot by making it make sense, these people would be saving it. Even Spike as acted by James Marsters is internally consistent - a semi-lunatic abuser of a man who’s convinced he’s a romantic.

T: I’ve met “Wrecked”-Spike. I expect you have too.

{*\../*} : I certainly have, though he wasn’t that good looking or charismatic. And I think “Oh God” would be my reaction to waking up next to him, too, even with the looks and charisma and even if I wasn’t a hard Kinsey 6.

T: Willow can’t close the blinds with her magic. She - a woman who can wound gods and strip time and space of meaning, partied so hard she can’t close the blinds. We go to Xander and Anya and Buffy doing research. Anya is reading wedding magazines. Martha Stewart is apparently a witch. We get references to dark powers, “which is ridiculous ‘cause witches they were persecuted wicca good and love the Earth and women power and I’ll be over here.” This is a relatable form of crazy - wedding planning has made better people than Xander, which is most people, mental. Buffy is making excuses for Willow, and Xander and Anya don’t look like they’re buying it. I… I hate to bring this up, given that this episode is this episode, but Anya voluntarily took a job which led to a far longer life than Angelus had of murder and mayhem, and there’s that time Xander blackmailed a girl (Amy!) into casting a spell to strip his ex-girlfriend of her free will and it went wrong and affected everybody and the parallels there are enormous.

It must be bunnies.

{*\../*} : The extent to which everyone in this episode is way too hung up on their own personal headspace to notice that Willow is having a full-on meltdown is painful. Everyone except Tara and Dawn, one of whom she’s abused out of her life and the other is a fifteen year older girl dependent on her for, you know, survival.

T: To be fair, Buffy is too hung up on her own full-on mental breakdown, which Willow isn’t noticing either.

{*\../*} : If she’s having a full-on mental breakdown, could the show communicate that more clearly? Because the direction and broader theme-writing is selling her as making a bad set of relationship decisions, but how bad the decisions are is more like “I am a danger to myself and others.” Maybe the writing staff can get on the same page about which it’s supposed to be?

T: It’s Amy and Willow. Willow’s powers are coming back slowly. Amy knows this guy who uses spells that last for days.

{*\../*} : And now we’ve gone right to magic-as-drug-metaphor territory. “Is it dangerous?” Willow asks. “Would that stop you?” says Amy, playing senior junkie here.

T: Not to mention, isn’t “I know this guy” basically Hollywood-ese for “There is a drug dealer?”

{*\../*} : That or “I know who to take out a hit from,” which with magic could be both. But yeah, we have definitely made the metaphor transition now. Which helps with the internal logic of this episode, but turns the broader arc of Willow’s relationship with magic into a tangled hash. Well done, Season 6 folks!

Oh yeah. Discarded pallets, junk-strewn street. This doesn’t look like a drug den at all. Oh wait, yes it does. Completely.

T: And it’s cloaked. Amy and Willow are inside now. And it looks even more like a drug den inside. The guy’s name is Rack. He’s played by Jeff Kober, who also played the Council’s escaped pet murder vampire in “Helpless.” This is a good omen!

Fuck.

Rack immediately wants to see Amy and Willow. Commercial break.

{*\../*} : Always get your product in the hands of the new meat first. Your regular junkies will wait as long as they have to unless there’s a competing product in town. Reading and watching David Simon’s work should not be coming in as handy as it is right now. I am so squicked I literally have no words for it, and Alyson’s terrified face is making my skin crawl.

T: Creepy bastard likes how much power Willow has. He doesn’t want money or computer help. He says he’s not gonna hurt her, but she has to give a little to get a little. Amy’s reassurance isn’t reassuring. Now Rack is doing a thing. I don’t know how to read it, but he says he’s gonna “take a little tour.” Then he leans in and stage-whispers in her ear, “You taste like strawberries.” Pardon me, I have to go shed every ounce of my sanity.

{*\../*} : That is a blatant sex/high metaphor. Blatant. Wow. Amy’s doing a spinny-high thing and Willow looks out of her head. And they’re doing the drug music in the background.

T: Willow, why are you on the ceiling? Get off the ceiling, Willow. The ceiling isn’t for laying on or hallucinating on. Dafuq? There was a demon and it politely terrified Willow off the ceiling. But now she’s space-hopping and has all-black eyes. And now she’s on the floor again. In her bedroom. She’s showering and sobbing and laughing. Now she’s leaving the bathroom in her robe, wearing an expression that would have been at home on the face of a sad Season 2 Willow. She gets Tara’s dress out of a box. Not the one from “Once More With Feeling,” though basically all of Tara’s dresses are lovely. Then she magically inflates it or something? And lays her head in the lap she made in it.

Dawn is in the kitchen, making quesadillas with no turner. She says spatula, but spatulas are those things with rubber blades that you stir with and turners are the things you flip things with.

{*\../*} : She’s making food with strange ingredients and lightly burning herself in the process. On her own. In the kitchen. Please refer to my earlier comments on neglect.

T: So very much neglect. I don’t know if they have any food other than peanut butter, bananas, and tortillas in the house, but given the way the adults in her life are behaving? I assume not. Willow doesn’t want. She wants water. She has bottled water. Willow isn’t stopping Dawn from cooking on the stovetop with her bare hands. Dawn is done cooking. Buffy has called a lot today, but she also didn’t come home. Willow finally apologizes. Dawn says she’s fine on her own, which is also a lie. Willow offers to go to a movie with her. She also offers her dinner. The quesadilla didn’t turn out well. Now Buffy is getting home… the house is empty-ish. She hears something upstairs. She does not go straight to the fridge. Willow and Dawn aren’t home. Willow’s magic supplies have been ransacked. Buffy catches Amy running. Buffy asks where Willow is. And we finally, at long last, exploit the drug metaphor for a bit of dialogue that’s almost clever. Amy: “That’s not what you think it is! It’s sage!” Buffy: “That is what I think it is.” Damn it, “Wrecked.” Buffy asks where Willow and Dawn are. Amy just gave away that she broke in. Very drug metaphor. Amy tells Buffy about Rack. Buffy immediately gets angry that Willow took Dawn. Now we’re on Willow and Dawn talking about their burgers, and we get ACTUALLY clever dialogue. It’s a penis joke, but it’s a GOOD penis joke! Yay! Willow didn’t eat. Willow asks about Dawn’s day with Tara. Egads, this conversation.

{*\../*} : We are now getting the “asking about my ex through our kid” vibe. And oh shit, Willow is actually taking Dawn to her dealer to get magical drugs. I know this is TV, but that escalated insanely quickly even for a drug metaphor.

T: Dawn is nervous. Rightly. Remember the last time Dawn visited a sketchy arcane guy’s house? That guy who turned out to be a worshipper of Glory and who cut her open and created the situation where Buffy had to sacrifice herself and thus Dawn lost yet another parental figure? Ye gods, Willow. Ye gods.

She asks Dawn to hang here a minute and she’ll be back. And she promises they’ll make it for the movie at 9. She dismisses the trailers. Dawn likes the trailers. Commercial break.

Back from break. It’s past 9. A sketchy guy sits next to Dawn and smokes, so she gets up and moves away. Rack has Willow on the ceiling again… he’s throwing lightning at her and she’s hovering in a shield or something. Maybe she’s in space. Drug space. Magic drug space. Isn’t that where the Flash Gordon movie is set? A demon comes in carrying a limp body and she starts to scream.

Buffy is at Spike’s and threw a candle at him to wake him up. She tells him to get dressed because Dawn’s missing. At least her priorities are right at the moment? Spike suggests getting a Lo-Jack for Dawn.

{*\../*} : “Again,” Spike says, when Buffy says Dawn is missing. Which would be a funny ha-ha joke if we hadn’t just come off him being violent with Buffy and flirting with raping her. It doesn’t really have the right tone anymore to be funny.

T: Buffy brings up Rack, and Spike is suddenly taking things seriously. Ish. Only witches and vampires can find Rack’s place.

{*\../*} : It’s 11. Oh God. Willow is coming out and tripped as fuck. Also her eyes are black.

T: Dawn starts to yell at Willow but gets worried about her when she sees her eyes. Dawn wants to go home. Willow is making fun of her. Something’s following them… it’s the demon from Willow’s drug moments. Buffy and Spike are looking for Rack’s. Spike is actually trying to find the place, and Buffy is focusing on arguing with him.

{*\../*} : And now we’re getting kinky sex jokes while looking for Dawn. This is not amusing.

T: God, I hate this moment. … And that moment. That right there. Buffy: “I want you out of my life, out of my home…” Spike: “Too late. You invited me in already.” I… don’t think vampires are capable of understanding withdrawn consent.

{*\../*} : It’s perversely almost right. Almost. Because it drives a hard line under the fact that Spike is a vampire. Not just blood-wise, but emotionally too. And the correct response to that is to stake him, but the show is now going to carry on like there is a reasonable discussion to be had here with the eldritch evil embodied as a hot blonde English guy. And you can pick whether I mean blood-sucking vampires or rape culture for said evil he’s embodying.

T: Spike’s behavior now makes sense, which puts him in a club only inhabited by Tara and Dawn prior to that line. He’s evil embodied, but he’s acting within a set nature. I don’t like him or how the show wants us to respond to him, but there’s rhyme and reason here.

Dawn wants to go home. Willow is sending her home on her own. In a dangerous town with a Hellmouth. Something’s following them. Dawn is running away… and there’s a demon. That’s not a cat. Willow says he’s not real. And he cut Dawn’s face. Dawn kicks the demon and they run. Dawn says he’s too fast. Now they’re stealing a car. With magic. Willow is giggling while magic drives the car. Willow spins the car around. She’s joyriding. And the car crashes. So now our high-on-magic-drugs girl has stolen a car and wrecked it with a girl she helped raise in the passenger seat.

Dawn has come to. She gets out of the car and starts to move around it. Willow is unconscios in the driver’s seat, and there’s the demon. Buffy and Spike hear Dawn screaming… the demon is hauling Dawn out from uner the car. Dawn is being remarkably resourceful here, but she’s badly overpowered. Buffy hits the demon out of nowhere. Starts to fight it. Spike is checking on Dawn while Buffy fights the demon. It’s tossing her around like a rag doll, but the dmon is shaking now. It’s… dissolving? Burning? Unsummoning? Something. Willow is up now… Buffy is giving her a Look. But she’s distracted by Dawn crying. Spike and Buffy are getting Dawn to the hospital. Willow is trying to apologize, but Buffy tells her to stay away and Dawn slaps her. Now Willow is on the ground sobbing. Buffy lets Spike lead Dawn away while she goes to look at Willow. She tells Willow to get up, and Willow blubbers a bit before Buffy hauls her to her feet. Willow is sobbing and saying she needs help, and begging Buffy for help. Buffy is hugging Willow and letting the bloodsucking being that borderline-raped her walk off with her injured, traumatized, bleeding sister who he can eat if he lets her drop dead first.

{*\../*} : So we’ve skipped straight to the sobbing junkie “I can’t stop I need help save me” speech by the end of the hour. For something with a lot of build-up, they certainly blew through that in a hurry, didn’t they? And now Willow’s showered and sitting on the bed in Joyce’s old room in a towel while Buffy gives her a brittle, arms-folded look from the door. Dawn’s sleeping because she needed pain meds for the fracture in her arm. And Buffy’s giving Willow a gentle interrogation.

Willow - “If you could be plain old Willow or Super Willow, which would you be?”

Buffy - “You don’t need magic to be special.” Willow - “Who was I? Tara didn't even know that girl.”

And now Buffy and Willow are having a conversation about the importance of giving things up for the good of the family unit. “Because it’s over.” “Exactly. It’s over.” And they both look away from each other.

T: And now Willow’s in bed having withdrawal tremors. Buffy’s got a million cloves of garlic and a cross and is sitting awake.

The episode was dedicated to J. D. Peralta, Marti Noxon’s personal assistant. She passed away of cancer at 31.

So… I feel like there’s a lot to talk about there, but there’s a lot I really don’t want to talk about, but I think it needs to be talked about. Where should we start?

{*\../*} : So I really think the last five minutes of the episode come desperately close to saving it. You’ve got Willow and Buffy, their joint crises having brought them together on the far side of their terrible decisions in this two-parter to a fragile resolution to give up the toxic decisions they’ve been making and protect their family. Willow frames the choice as being about magic and spells and her not being able to stop using them, but there’s a raw and fresh vulnerability to the way that she talks about the choice between “plain old Willow” and super-powered magic Willow - Alyson really makes those lines sing. It’s certainly possible to take the reading that Willow’s problem isn’t magic at all, per se - it’s the way she’s been using magic for years to assuage her crippling personal insecurities by proving she can be useful through spells, and now that Tara’s left she’s trying to pour enough magic on the problem to get away from her hurt (hint: pouring any amount of anything on your self-loathing won’t drown it. Never works. Never.).

But the narrative incoherence about what exactly magic is and the sheer violent speed with which we’ve whipped through the drug/junkie metaphor in this episode takes the legs out from under it, and the weird way the show can’t make up its mind on how to treat Spike lets the air out of Buffy’s parallel scene, and the whole thing sort of lands with a wet thud. At least, that’s how it felt to me.

Plus the fact is that taking the only reading that really makes any sense - that Willow’s real problem is massive insecurity and Buffy’s real problem is trying to hide from her trauma and desire to not be back in the world by screwing Spike as a masochistic release - unwinds a huge amount of character development for both of them and leaves both characters in really ugly, unsympathetic places that the show doesn’t seem to want to fully commit to. The whole Xander and Anya spiel about “responsible people” and how they can’t help but lose control from “Smashed” starts to sound a lot like excuses being made in advance to let Buffy and Willow off the hook for their choices.

T: Yeah… that the show can’t commit to a specific interpretation (though it did settle on “magic is drugs,” which wrecks a ton of other stuff the show’s done up to now) kind of kills a ton of the emotional impact of the episode. Or misdirects it? I’m feeling things, for sure. Loathing. Annoyance. A desire to be away from these people who, just a few episodes ago, I loved or at least found funny. I don’t think that was the intended goal. I can see, after that final scene, where they were going… but the route they took to get there was really destructive to my ability to enjoy the show. Not saying it can’t come back - we did “Helpless” and I fell back in love with Giles, for example - but it’s going to be a hard road.

{*\../*} : I don’t know. I think a serious argument could be made that the production staff is caught in the same self-destructive bind that Buffy is - throwing themselves at a terrible idea with desperate force as a way to resolve their own issues, then waking up the next day (week/month/season) to find that they’re covered in bruises and scrapes and have lost most of their respect for themselves.

T: Also, they’re making out with an artillery shell.

{*\../*} : Yeah. And on that note, I think we’ll sign off for the night and see if “Gone” can restore our hopes. But next time, back to Angel!

T: Oh god. Darla’s going to have a kid.

Calm down, Tia. Breathe. There’s the Holtz story. And Sound! Euphonium.

Anybody want to watch some Star Trek with me?

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 21: You like jazz?

In which you guys see a beeutiful movie.

*Sans's POV*

The universe was against me. "Sweet Child O' Mine" is a hard song that, no matter how many times I have sung it, it puts me extremely nervous. I love the song, so... I never would want to ruin it.

Now, years had passed since I quit singing in public, and the fact that their opinion matters to me... let's just say I wasn't confident at all.

It was so strange, though. The music started, the looks were on me... but I felt that I had to do it. I had this discussion with Paps earlier, and he's having a rough time with my situation... I wanted to make it up for him. I love my bro, I know he's trying to help. I don't know what I was expecting when he saw me passed out on a table. It was quite obvious that he would scold me.

And so I sang.

I never thought I would feel that... "funny" feeling if I ever got myself to sing again. Somehow, it happened. I felt great at singing the song by heart and mimicking the guitar solo in my head. And as great as the music felt, the applauses made me feel even better. It felt so... surreal.

So oddly surreal.

But I couldn't care less.

"YAY! MY BROTHER'S MUSICAL CAREER HAS RETURNED!" Papy exclaimed with a goofy grin.

"Dude, we don't even need to do votation!" Undyne surprisingly commented.

The positive comments were starting to get me. I felt like floating, like if I was in a dream. I know this must mean nothing to a lot of people... but for me? Oh, of course, it does. I was so scared to sing because their opinions matter... but I noticed that some may always provide me support. Like Papyrus.

Maybe I should try this more often.

The night continued after that, everyone deciding I was the winner. I felt like a champion, but tried not to get too attached to that title. Instead, I shrugged it off and continued to get onto everyone's nerves with my fantastic puns.

Is quite... interesting how a simple recognition can make me happy. Maybe it's because I don't get complimented often. Maybe it's because I've been seeing myself as a fucking and talentless idiot these days. Maybe, and just maybe, I was feeling more anxious than ever, and then I realized it was no use.

Eh, it could have been whatever. Not that I should really get into it.

"Now let's play... 7 minutes in heaven!" The stupid robot said, and I swear I wasn't the only one who cringed. 7 minutes in heaven is... horrible. And I would never let my brother play that horrid game. What if they had to go with Frisk? Oh, I would not be able to take it.

"Pardon my ignorance, but... what is 7 minutes in heaven?" (Y/N) asked nervously. Oh girl, you really don't want to know.

Wait, but how does she don't know? I thought this was a human-made game...

"But punk! This is a traditional sleepover game!" Undyne, having the same doubt as I, asked her. She played with her fingers and muttered that she never tend to go to sleepovers, which made my brother gasp.

"HUMAN! I SHOULD INVITE YOU MORE OFTEN, THEN! YOU JUST CAN'T WASTE THE WONDERFUL YEARS OF YOUR YOUNGHOOD WITHOUT HAVING A SUPER FUN SLEEPOVER! LESS IF IT'S WITH THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" She chuckled lightly, a sound that definitely I would love to hear more often. She's really quiet, I just hope she was more open and confident in our friend group...

And for that, you need to stop being an asshole, Sans.

I shook my head, reminding myself how horrible my thoughts can get if I don't stop them in time. Now I had the head (or skull?) more clear, and I couldn't waste the opportunity. It's being a while- I need to focus seriously on the future while I still can.

And on the present as well.

"O-ok, so... what about if we... play another thing?" Alphys muttered, and I immediately nodded. If you can't already tell, I hate that game. It's pathetic and for flustered teenagers with a silly crush. I've never been a huge fan of that.

"Ok, ok!" Mettaton groaned, obviously angered by no choosing his horrible idea "Let's watch a movie, then!"

"THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA, METTATON. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL MAKE SURE TO CHOOSE THE PERFECT FEATURE-LENGTH FILM FOR THIS EVENING!" Then he rushed to Tori's living room and put on that Netflix thingy. I like that site, but Youtube is better. It has more variety and more stupid things. Also, no bad jokes restrainment. Perfect for someone like me.

I lost myself into thinking in what I would possibly choose to do if Frisk doesn't reset. The timeline problem is quite a huge one, but if the world decides to be on my side, then what would be next? Getting a career? Spend the rest of my days on a bar?

Yeah, the last one doesn't seem like the best option...

One of my childhood dreams was to get on the Surface and become either a great scientist or a talented writer. Now I have the possibility to stop calling it a dream. As much as I love quantum physics, though, writing is something that still has my heart. I'm much more of a reserved guy than what everyone thinks. I may joke, I may laugh, I may strike up conversations instantly, but the real me is an introvert. And a nerd.

Maybe I can become a freaking science teacher, a formal scientist, a crazy man who invents stupid things, a bonely skeleton living with twelve dogs (because I love dogs. Fite me), or even a hotdog seller. I can be anything I want to be! ...

Dude, I sounded like a Barbie commercial.

But what I mean is that I have endless opportunities on the tip of my fingers, and I won't let them go that easily. I think that the first step would be applying to a university...

Which I already did.

I mentally facepalmed when I remembered that day. I was saying stupid puns in my head to call me down, but that wasn't working. I wasn't in my right mind and, still, I went and do a freaking three-hour exam. What a smart decision.

Well, if I'm somehow accepted, I'll throw a huge party. That involves sleeping. In my room...

Wait-no.

Ah, forget it.

I will somehow celebrate it, then. Maybe spoiling myself with a bottle of ketchup or make my sock collection bigger. Yeah, little things like that. I should not congratulate myself so much.

If I don't make it, though... then I guess there won't be any differences. Pretty much everything normal, except I won't be able to give Papyrus what I've always wanted to give him...

I need to work hard.

"EVERYONE! I THINK THAT I HAVE CHOSEN AN APPROPRIATE MOVIE FOR TODAY!" Papyrus shouted, and everyone rushed into the living room "IT'S CALLED 'BEE MOVIE'!"

Bee Movie? What kind of name is that?

We all had confused looks. Everyone except the humans, that is. Both Frisk and (Y/N) were "trying" to hold back laughter.

"is it a good movie?" I asked them, not wanting to waste my time on a shitty movie.

"Pfft-Familiar comedy" (Y/N) simply replied, smiling brightly "It's more directed to... kids. But, hey! Anyone can enjoy it!"

Something about her statement made me suspicious, but Papy believed her instantly. And so he put on the movie, and we all sat down whether on the couch or the floor.

"According to all known laws of aviation," The movie started "there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway..."

"Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible"

Oh boy.

(Y/N) stopped smirking but had this goofy and stupid grin written all over her face. If it ends up with some scary shit, I swear to God I'll kill her. We went on and watched how this guy, Barry B. Benson, graduated and had to choose a job. Everything was, well, normal, I guess... until he met that human girl. What was her name? Melissa? No... Oh! Vanessa!

When Barry daydreamed about Vanessa and him flying it was... weird, to say the least. Both human girls, though, laughed loudly. It was so stupid, I need to admit it.

The movie had puns, which I highly appreciated, but the rest of it... was stupid. That's it. Simply stupid.

I liked the "You like jazz?" part though. I should hit on someone like that. And that joke about- wait, I'll get it.

"He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, <<Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?>>"

I think that's the most hilarious and stupid joke I've heard in a while. Or well, probably in a movie. It was so stupid and so bad that I laughed. (Y/N) did as well. And Papy stared at us like we were crazy. The others were still trying to find the joke. It was amazing.

All those puns were driving everyone crazy. Well, except me. And those two weird girls. I actually didn't want to judge the adult so quickly, but if she does enjoy things like these... I may not be sure to change her nickname any sooner. I may also start to like her more, though. Serious but a dork- that's a nice personality I bet she has.

"-This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes!"

"-That's a drag queen!"

That scene, that fucking scene... it was perfect. I would be lying if I said I didn't love the movie. According to all known laws of film-making, no movie should be like this one. It was bizarre. That's why I loved it.

"How good?" That lawyer asked "Do you live together? Wait a minute... are you her little... bedbug?"

Unfortunately for me, I was drinking soda at that moment. I spit it out. At the floor, thankfully, but I still embarrassed myself. This dork, (Y/N) laughed way too loud about the incident. But hey, I can't blame her. I would have done just the same if I wasn't the victim.

"What about a suicide pact?" Barry asked Vanessa (am I seriously talking about this movie?)

"How do we do it?" She asked.

"I sting you, you step on me."

"That just kills you twice"

"Right, right"

Can't you see how stupid and amazing it is?! And after a minute I've just realized the name of that woman was Vanessa Bloome! And she was a freaking florist! There were puns everywhere! That silly and quite morbid sense of humor...

If the Bee Movie was a girl, I should have married her by now.

"So... did you enjoy the movie, guys?" Frisk asked, wearing a stupid grin.

"IT WAS WEIRD" Papyrus bluntly replied, which made all of us laugh.

"You sure do have a sense of humor, punk!" Undyne looked to (Y/N), and she just shrugged with a smile.

"the movie was beeutiful. all-time favorite" I added, and laughter filled the room again.

"it was... something" Napstablook shyly smiled, but in his face was all written: "I will never see it again". As much as we all would like to talk about it, though, Toriel came just in time to tell us that it was sleeping time. I looked over my cellphone and saw that it was, indeed, pretty late. I can't believe we were up 'till 2 am to watch something like that. Oh well. It was worth it.

We all gave each other some goodbyes and headed to any room we would want. Papyrus had somehow made his way to reclaim the second biggest room (since Tori's is the biggest) all for his own. Since the Dreemurr family cleared up one room that was messy and made it quite nicely, now everyone had a room. I was still rooting for my dad to sleep on the couch, though...

I lied down on the bed with a happy smile... that faded after minutes passed by.

I couldn't sleep.

I groaned at the thought of not sleeping again and get all grumpy in the morning. That's definitely something I've been trying to avoid (unsuccessfully...). I wanted to be there for the people I care about, but the nightmares aren't helping. So it was almost 4 am, and I wanted to waste time...

You: hey

You: u awake?

C' mon, please answer!

24/7 Depressed Dork: Yep

24/7 Depressed Dork: What's up?

Shit, I forgot I gave her that nickname...

Oh well.

You: i'm bored

You: wanna talk?

24/7 Depressed Dork: Sure

24/7 Depressed Dork: ...hmm

24/7 Depressed Dork: So how's the weather in there?

I'm starting to like this girl more.

You: eh, nothing impressive

You: just a bit chilly but, y' know

You: it doesn't affect me at all

You: after all, nothing gets under my skin

24/7 Depressed Dork: I knew you would say something like that

24/7 Depressed Dork: I could feel it in my bones

Perfect audience.

You: Knock knock

24/7 Depressed Dork: Who's there?

You: cash

24/7 Depressed Dork: cash who?

You: nah, i'll have some peanuts, thanks.

24/7 Depressed Dork: Sans, that was horrible

And before I could answer her back and tell her the opposite, she surprisingly wrote:

24/7 Depressed Dork: Knock Knock

You: wow, really?

You: ok

You: who's there?

24/7 Depressed Dork: Annie

You: annie who?

24/7 Depressed Dork: Annie thing you can do I can do better!

Oh, so you are challenging me? Interesting...

You: you think so?

You: oh, you'll see

You: knock knock

24/7 Depressed Dork: Who's there?

You: dewey

24/7 Depressed Dork: Dewey who?

You: dewey have to use a condom?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

I stared amazed at the message Sans just send me and laughed quietly. Either it's a way to flirt or just a corny joke, I enjoy those things. They are... interesting, and make you think twice. And not everyone is accessible to hear this type of jokes, less making them. He has quite the sense of humor, huh?

You: Oh, I see how it is, then

You: Knock Knock

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: who's there?

Ah, his nickname...

It's amazing, I won't change it any time sooner.

You: Ivana

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: ivana who?

You: Ivana jump your bones ;)

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: ohmygod

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: that's just way too dirty

You: You started this fight, buddy

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i guess so

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: but two can play this game!

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: knock knock

You: Who's there?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: hop on

You: ...

Oh my God, no.

What I have done?

You: Hop on who?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: hop on dis dick

OHMYGODIREGRETEVERYTHINGNOW!

...

do skeletons even have a-

Calm down, don't let him see right through you.

So for some reason, I was taking this very seriously. Like if this was going to define who was the leader or some survival shit like that.

You: Okay, you asked for it

You: Knock Knock

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: who's there?

You: Pussy!

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: dude, what?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i don't get it

You: And you never will

You: Sucker

It was 6 am at this point, the sun was starting to get out. What do you think it's the best way to start the day? Smiling and laughing, of course. However, I don't think it was the right time for anyone to hear Sans loud laughter in ALL THE FREAKING HOUSE.

You: Sans, stfu

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: never

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: that was good

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: really good...

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i have a joke for you

You: Bring it on

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: what is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild?

We're still at the dirty jokes?

You: Sans, I swear to God...

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: a $100 bill

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: what were you thinking bud? ;)

...ok, he caught me red-handed.

You: Yeah... let's not talk about it

You: It's my turn now

You: But this time, it's a poem

You: Be ready

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: wow, you are a poet now?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i'm curious

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: spit it out

You: Ok, good

You: Let me start:

You: As I lay here with my legs spread

Like hot butter bleeding on stale bread. The warm insides of my cantaloupe thighs cry out in extasy as you eat my cherry pie. Visions of cucumbers often enter my mind and sometimes hot dogs, they plump when you cook 'em kind Whipped cream all covered with gooslurping green jello in the tub with you You are my world my little cupcake, I want to lick your cream filling until you ache. Your Juicy Avacadoes so plump, and so ripe.

Let's just do it in the kitchen tonight!!

I...

Got too carried away, okay?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not that dirty-minded.

Well, kinda.

I memorized a dirty poem by heart...

That it made Sans laugh really hard (wait, I think that rhymed... shit).

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: (y/n), you are my new favorite person

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: you are amazing

You: So I won?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: definitely

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: let me just end this contest with one question

You: Go ahead

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: you like jazz

And I laughed like there was no tomorrow, just at how random it was and remembering Barry's face. God, I think I'm becoming more stupid than I originally thought.

I would have made a joke or two, but the consequences of laughing so hard already arrived:

"SANS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHY YOU AND THE HUMAN ARE LAUGHING?!" Oh shit.

"ah, s-sorry bro..."

"SANS! WHY WERE YOU TEXTING THE HUMAN WHEN WERE IN THE SAME HOUSE?! THAT'S RIDICULOUS!"

I chuckled, realizing how idiotic someone can become.

Bee Movie takes all the blame.