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jonghours · 4 years

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ATEEZ Diary album and AR photocards analysis

Finally got my albums and got to see what all these asks I got about the diary were asking me about so I’m going to go through all the entries and try to make sense out of them! I’ll theorize about the AR photocard bonus stories at the end, since they all take place after the events of the Diary Film and the entries on the diaries.

A INTRO: The time passing by, our dreams

This entry takes place after the Diary Film. It mostly describes the memories the members shared in their hideout.

“This is our onw space. Laughing, crying, arguing, dancing, and singing. A space where our dreams came together. Our hideout, our own world, separating us form the adult world”

I highlighted the word adult because the main point of this new series is how much ATEEZ want to hold onto their youth and dreams.

“Right now, it is a moment void of compromises and tameness. It is the moment before we opened that door”

That last line indicates this entry takes place after ATEEZ opened the door to a new world.

01 HONGJOONG: I don’t want to be forgotten as if I never existed

This entry gives us more insight about Hongjoong’s reason to join the group. As I wrote on my Diary Film analysis, all the members stories introduce the reasons that brought them together to pursue their dream: music. Back then Hongjoong’s was too subtle, but it becomes clearer here.

”Once I become a bright star that can be seen from everywhere, like those people on TV, will my family notice me? Even if it were by coincidence, I wish I could meet them at least once. If my family could come together like before... I miss the warmth of my living room”

It seems like Hongjoong’s family broke apart time before the events of the Diary take place. He’s definitley not an orphan, as he wishes to meet them once again. We don’t know why but Hongjoong’s family abandoned him and left it alone. It seems like Hongjoong’s motive to pursue music is to be an artist, and get noticed by his family in the hopes that they can get reunited once again.

“My family scattered around and here I am with my new family I made while living alone... [...] My family, the music I love, our dreams... We must keep them”

02 SEONGHWA: She, who was dancing to the beat

Seonghwa’s entry doens’t give us more insight into his story than what I already wrote about on the Diary Film analysis.

“She was moving as if nothing mattered anymore. Common sense, Rules, and this though world didn’t have power over her moves. Right this moment, my world broke around this snowy road”

Is it weird that I was interested in the snow? I know is probably just a minor detail, but I find it interesting that they added it since there was no snow in the Diary Film. I think it serves as way of putting everything in chronological order, since the weather is mentioned a lot on the diary entries.

“Ever since that day, I went to the same place at the same time. But, she never came back. I didn’t know her name or her address. Just like the “Be Free” bracelet she wore, she freed herself away [...] Since then, music never sounded the same again”

As I mentioned before, the Girl becomes a source of inspiration to Seonghwa, and he’s moved by what she represents. He wishes he could find her again and grasp that feeling, but the time never comes, because that’s what she ultimatley represents.

03 YUNHO: Weather is clear

Unlike the others (except Yeosang) this is literally a diary entry. I believe Yunho is writing this diary to communicate with his brother. Obviously not literally, but is a way for him to put the things he wants to say to him in order.

"Hey brother, you look like you are in such a good mood today! The weather is so good as well. Even though I was running to see you, I didn’t feel the heat. [...] It has been a while since I took out your broken guitar. I wanted to get rid of it because it always reminded me of a broken side of you. [...] I just left it out of sight because it seemed like you abandoned your dream”

As it was confirmed during Air Con, it was indeed Yunho’s brother who had an accident, and to me this sounds like Yunho’s brother abandoned his dream before that happened. Yunho seems to have hidden that guitar from him when he abandoned his dream and didn’t want him to see it again, but after he had the accident, he put it out again.

“I have a friend like you in my team. His name is Hongjoong. He is the kind of person I would go to when things get tough [...] I avoid thinking about these painful memories and instead I am focusing on the dreams you couldn’t achieve. I will make them happen; the boys and I will make them happen.”

As I theorized before, Yunho’s brother’s dream was related to music. Yunho even mentions doing street performances together at Han River. At some point his bother gave up, so Yunho wants to make it happen for him.

Also good news, Yunho’s bother isn’t dead!!

“When the time time comes, you must wake up from the long hibernation. I want to show you all of it! I’ll be back tomorrow. Good night!”

Yunho’s brother seems to be in a coma, so Yunho goes to visit him everyday. I think maybe the message Yunho receives is either related to the acccident, or might be bad news about his brother’s state. Both of those theories could trigger Yunho’s recalling of the accident. Still have no solid theory about Mingi.

04 YEOSANG: Just like a midsummer night’s dream

Yeosang’s diary entry gives a lot of new details about his personality, and I think maybe a clue about his role in the bigger picture. Also is important to note that the FEVER: Part One track “Dear Diary: 2017.07.29″ belongs to Yeosnag’s diary. The lyrics fit his writing prompt, and ahead there is a part that also fits the lyrics.

But going back to Yeosang, he has a very perfectly planned life, and the only thing he finds personal pleasure in is fixing things.

“I was never too good with mechanincs. It all started when I dismantled the speaker. Everytime I felt stuffy, I would disassemble various appliances or instruments and then reassemble them back together.”

I highlighted the speaker part because it reminded me of Jongho’s Diary scene. Probably nothing but I found it interesting.

Yeosnag must have been looking for things to break apart in the area where the hideout was, and that’s how he met the members, and that’s how he found a new love for music.

“My parents had everything planned for me: doing the same routine at the exact time. The only time I could go out of this cycle was when I disassembled and reassembled things. Thanks to this weird habit I met the guys. That day in that shabby warehouse a group of guys I’d normally run away from, asked me if I knew how to work a drone. This whole encounter was a little strange! [...] The sound of music is what brought me to that place. From that day on, I went everyday”

Now here is where this diary entry connects to the “Dear Diary” intro. The words in bold are the ones that are part of “Dear Diary”.

“For the first time, hearts pounding like it’s about to burst and this tingling feeling coming up from my fingertips started to take over me. Was there a moment when I wanted something this bad? One by one more kids started to say my name. The path that I slowly walked with one antoher person became a path to many. Slowly, the word ‘I’, became ‘ours’ (us)”

This makes it official that Yeosang is the owner of the diary being read in the album intro. Also, the person writing the english parts seems a little bit off with it at times, especially in the AR photocards. I think what it was meant to say at the end is “us”, not “our”, since they are the same word in Korean, so it might have slipped the translator.

Now, I believe this is very important. Because Yeosang was forced to give up on the boys because of his parents.

“Dancing was such a mind-blowin activity. Even if I saw my parent’s worried faces flashing before my eyes, I just could stop. [...] However now I must leave the ‘our’ (us). If I back out everything will be back to normal, the scattered members and the stolen hideout. I’m sorry, guys”

I wonder if this is why ATEEZ is trying to rescue the trapped Yeosang in Say My Name. Following the Inception concept theory, they might have entered Yeosang’s dream to try and rescue him, because as it was said before, Yeosang is a central piece to the story. Maybe it has something to do with his ability to build things?

05 SAN: I don’t know

Oh boy do I have some things to ask to San. This is by far the story that annoys me the most and is probably stupid but.... well you’ll see. His entry starts with him complaining about being unable to connect with people before having to leave them.

“[...] I’ve never had time to open up. Every time I got closer to someone, I had to move. It’s happening again today. But this time is a little different. Now I have friends to talk to about my feelings. As soon as I saw them, I knew right off the bat, they were like me”

“Oh, Seonghwa was a little different. He never tried to do anything the traditional way, he was always “HIS” way”

This is in capital letters, and I can’t help to think that the members who are mentioned by others give clues as to what “side” they are on later on in the story. The way he mentions Seonghwa like that but doens’t bring it up again, could fit in my theory that Seonghwa takes a bigger role in another part of the story.

“Can I just leave like that now that I have a place of my own... What should I say to Wooyoung? Thanks to him, thanks to my friends, I was able to perfect my dance moves”

Wooyoung is a very popular member in the story, as expected of the person that so far has been proved to be the most central member to the storyline.

And now..... let’s talk about that

“Bobo, what should I do? What? You want me to do it “MY” way?”

Now, who in the ever-living-hell is Bobo. It’s a given name, since he refers to them as “Bobo-yah”. And if you think it’s just a passing comment, sadly for me, it isn’t!!! just wait and look at his AR card later!!

06 MINGI: the sound of his laughter

Here we have someone else talking about Wooyoung. Honestly I was surprised people asked me about Woosan as a ship being important because San mentioned him once (1) but Mingi’s story is entirely dedicated to Wooyoung and his laugh and people decided to ignore it for the sake of their own narrative but ANYWAYS

“Music was my haven, my escape, my one and only relief. When I feel like dying, I listen to music”

“Only a few friends names you remember through elementary, middle and high school. [...] No one talked to me, but that is mainly because I didn’t answer if they try talking to me. But Wooyoung was different. Not that I remember [...] Wooyoung would always come next to me during every break. Whether I answer or not. He would go on with his stories [...] and that music team he works with outside of school. He always tops it with a signature smile of his, which naturally made me laugh. Out of shyness, I started calling him “Woo-ong. Ah that laugh of his. He was the first friend I opened up to”

So we have someone else who owes a lot to Wooyoung. I wonder if this is why we see Mingi breaking the chains that restrain Wooyoung during WONDERLAND. This will come back later.

“[...] It was around that time too when I followed him to the hideout for the first time; the place where I could dream. They were friends who took me as I am. They accepted me as who I am, regardless of where I live who my parents were. But now I’m getting scared, can I really have a dream? Will it not be taken away from me?”

This is Mingi doubting if he’s allowed to have dreams since he’s not in a position where he can allow himself to have such lavish dreams. And so the fight with Jongho happened.

07 WOOYOUNG: It’s different this time

I love how Wooyoung’s diary entries are subtle flexes.

“Will I fail again? When I was practicing and dancing alone, I was pretty confident! My practice video on social media has reached over 100.000 views. Many people contacted me and even big entertainment agencies offered me to audition for them. But once I felt their look towards me, I just couldn’t move [...] I closed my eyes trying to escape, and then Seonghwa’s voice popped in my head. I felt their presence even though they were nowhere to be seen”

This is probably what we saw on the Diary Film, different setting but definitely what is supposed to represent on those flahbacks. Once again Seonghwa seems to stand out among the other members when it comes to his way of doing things.

"I had a habit of overchatting to overcome stage fright and I practiced laughing to hide my shyness. It was a defense mechanism of mine to focus”

I just found this cute because it means he was nervous about Mingi back then.

“The firs time I met Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Yunho were at the street performance [...] When I danced with them I wasn’t self-conscious. My legs are tense. The first step, the step that I was never able to do, the chain that was trying my body, was magically released"

The chain thing again! I mentioned in my Inception post how it’s tied to WONDERLAND, at least definitley by the concept of Inception in on itself.

08. JONGHO: I had it all planned

Finally we find out why Jongho beat Mingi on the Diary Film! Here Jongho recalls how he felt after he was forced to give up on basketball, his first dream.

“I felt like I was drowning. No matter how hard I tried, I was still stuck in the exact same spot [...] everything inside me was lifeless, as good as being dead”

“That lifeless look, before Yunho grabbing my hand, looked so much like me. My hand is throbbing from the pain. Mingi clealry saw the fist coming his way but didn’t try to avoid it. His lifeless eyes are still haunting me. When Mingi said he would quit, that our dream was a luxury, and that the time we spent together meant nothing to him, I couldn’t stand but to punch him. Funny enough, it was a heart-brekaing moment for me but also the time I started dreaming again. At that time, I didn’t know how to reach out to a lost Mingi. Where are we, where should we go?”

So Mingi decided to give up on his dream because he felt giving up on it before it was stripped away from him by the tough reality of his situation, and so Jongho couldn’t stand it.

Z OUTRO: Into the New World

The title here proves how ahead the staff was with thin concept even before ATEEZ was created. If you remember, ATEEZ was going to be named “New World”, so this proves that this concept already existed even before the group was created. Now, just like the Diary Film, this is told from Hongjoong’s prespective again.

“Even though I lost my dream and my family again, there was nothing I could do. Everyone left and here I am, lost again”

He recalls how little by little, all the members drifted apart.

“On a summer day [...] we decided to go our separate ways”

Now I wonder if this, the day they went their separate ways, is the date on the diary, July 29, 2016. This could also be the date of the entry in Yeosnag’s diary, as well as the “Dear Diary” intro, which as we found out, is the day he decided to abandon them.

“All because our dream of being together have become like shackles that hold us down. The scorhcing sun melted away even our dream of youth and made it disappear [...] Even if, not often, the promises we made were pushed back day by day, and we forgot about each other. It was around that time when I began seeing him in my dreams”

“The man in the fedora [...] a somehow familiar, but tired eyes”

Now, this is supposed to be Hongjoong, even if he himself said he wasn’t aware it was supposed to be him.

“You lost your dream not because of the tough reality, but because you guys decided to. Get rid of the idea that the world you see is everything. There are many dimensions and many relaities in this world. The world I am in, the world you are in, are all real. I want to tell you everything, but I don’t have much time right now”

so HALAteez really seem to be on ATEEZ’s side. At least here, because during SMN, Hongjoong said their role was to stop Real ATEEZ. And now, the big reveal! Turns out the hourglass has a name, and it’s The Cromer.

“The Cromer. The key to connecting the world. [...] Follow your heart. The map is there”

That’s when HALAteez disappears, and we go back to the end of the Diary Film.

“I fell asleep in the hideout where no one was looking for me. [...] Wasn’t it a dream? While looking at the Cromer I inadvertently turned it around. The sand in the hourglass started to flow from bottom to top. The iron door then opened and I could hear the footsteps coming closer one by one. The guys then gathered around me with the smae puzzled face”

The highlighted parts are what the secret code in the ANSWER albums say.

Now, onto the AR photocards. As I said before, these take place in the future of the Diary Film events. (thank you so much to @honggers for helping me find them!!)

HONGJOONG

"Cromer... The treasure that made us dream again. The one who appeared in our dreams, and because of Cromer lying in front of my eyes when I woke up from my dream, I was able to protect the members. Though it was difficult and lonely at times, I was able to endure these days thanks to our members. Therefore, everything became all of mine and when the members began scattering away I had a heartache so painful I wanted to die. Though I might not know what lies ahead of me, the most important part of my life than this new world is our members who I cherish like family and continue to protect in our dream”

Okay so all the things highlighted in there make me think that this version of Hongjoong seems very intense. The members are all he has and this sounds like he would go as far as he could to keep them together. Could he go as far as to keep them in a dream against their will?

SEONGHWA

“Those who knew me would have never thought that I will be in this place. In fact, they can’t even imagine the existence of this place... I am.. No! We are here with fear and also, excitement. Each day was full of mystery. What will happen today? My knowledge about common sense, different logic and numbers faded away, just like the day I first saw her”

This is the first time “this place” is mentioned, which I’m pretty sure refers to either a diferent dimension or the illusion they have sunken themselves into.

YUNHO

"Brother how is everything? Can you see this place where I am at? I’m going to believe you are watching me. This place is unique yet fmailiar. In no doubt I can assure you that this place is not the same place you and I dreamt of. You can’t really hear the music here. In fact, I don’t see anyone here who feels happy about lsitening to music. So, we want to sing to the people here and of course with great choreography. Brother, I miss you.”

Now, Yunho is the first member that seems unhappy here. He misses his brother, he really wants to go back to him at some point. And also, this is not the dream Yunho had in mind, this is not the dream his brother had, which was his main reason to join the group. Maybe Yunho is having second thoughts.

YEOSANG

"Father, I’m walking on a path that I might never be able to return from again. I used to only walk on a clear and pretty path, where there’s not even a single peck of pebbles to be seen. But now, as I walk down an uneven path, my feet keep throbbing. Though my feet are killing me, my heart is in a state of tranquility. I feel like I’m free from your world. I am able to express this new freedom that I’ve never experienced before. Though I love you and mother, I wasn’t happy at all the in the world that you and mother were in. With my friends, I am now going to the place that I chose.”

Yeosnag seems very happy whenever they are, but the part in which he says “might never be able to return from again” might be a problem for other members.

SAN

“I laughed all the time because I never relaly got too close. Actually, I had to say farewell before I even got close. Then I met again. This is what the word “friend” meant to me. Therefore, the only friend that I can open up to was my friend Bobo, who was always there beside me. I’ve never been away so long with Bobo. I’m worried if Bobo is eating well or not... Hopefully, Bobo is worried about me as well. Hey Bobo, I am on a starnge journey with my first real friends. I’m not too sure how I am here or where I am but don’t worry too much. I will be back. I promise.”

Who the fuck is Bobo. Who the fuck is Bobo who thE FUCK!!

At first it didn’t seem that important but San’s whole AR photocard is dedicated to them!! And just like with Yunho, San is determined to come back for Bobo, so he too might have trouble with the “never coming back” part of the journey. I think Bobo might be a pet, or a doll, an imaginary friend (?) he did say “real friends” so...

MINGI

“I want this moment to last forever. The moment I had with my friends and being able to feel joy and happiness. I almost ruined it all. If I had not been here, I wouldn’t be able to get it back. No matter where this palce is, it doens’t matter what happens from now on.”

Another member who doens’t seem to want this to end, ever. I wouldn’t be surprised, since Mingi and Hongjoong get a lot of visual shots together.

WOOYOUNG

"Today was the day I was supposed to sign the contract. It was actaully a good oportunity that people would envy. It was a chance to debut in a big company and a success story in front of my eyes. But what’s the point of doing this, when I can’t go back. What if I can go back? Hmm... Let’s not think about it. Friends will mock me.”

Okay, first of all. Flex.

Second, this is what Wooyoung meant by “taking the easy way out” on his prompt, he could have had it easy, but instead chose the memebers. Also... Wooyoung what are you thinking? Does he know about the Cromer? He said “friends will mock me” so does that mean he knew about a way of coming back before even Hongjoong was offered the Cromer? After all, Wooyoung is carrying the Cromer during ANSWER, and he seems to be attached to it. Once again, Wooyoung is a central piece of the story, but he’s teasing us once again.

JONGHO

"An empty court, basketball, teammates, everything during my teens. I saw myself when I gave up all this through the loneliness look in Mingi’s eyes. At that time, my eyes would have been the same. I wanted to talk to him. Don’t give up, and I’m sorry. I came here all of a sudden without even be able to talk to him. My heart aches more when Mingi showed his kindness towards me as if nothing happened”

So Jongho and Mingi are back to being friends. The girls aren’t fighting anymore. There is peace.

THE MAN WITH THE BLACK FEDORA

“What’s the point of keeping these dreams when we have to give up things that matter?” “Is this that worth even where I have to let go of myself?” Whatever the answer is, it is your own decision”

I believe these questions are being asked by either Hongjoong or the members. They have to give up not only their lives, but it seems that they have to give up a part of themselves. Could that be when their lyrics wonder about who or where they are, or if anyhting is real at all?

#ateez #my hands hurt someone please read this lmao #ateez theory

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joysstar · 5 years

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On battlefield:

Luffy: You know, he killed Ace in front of my eyes and he almost killed me. Besides, I'm the main character of this manga, so I think I'm allowed to kill him.

Sabo: You know, he killed Ace and he almot killed you. I wasn't there to at least try to rescue you. I will be forever ashamed for not even being there. In addition, I have taken Ace's fruit, his will. I've always wanted to see if that fruit could beat the Magu Magu no Mi.

Garp: He killed Ace. I broke a promise to a long lost friend by not helping him. I feel like I'm not a trustworthy person anymore. Plus, I have seen Ace growing up in front of me. He's like my onw flesh and blood. A grandparent shouldn't survive his own grandson!

Akainu: So who's going to kill me, because this argument lasted like forever... OH WAIT! DON'T!

Garp: See? At the end we acted as a proper family. We unched him in the same time. He just couldn't bear our strengths combined.

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lapyslazuly · 7 years

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Hi, I'm (Still) Broke, Homeless, and Desperate Enough to Make This Pity Post (*updated version)

Due to unfortunate circumstances regarding our ex-roommate (a friend of mine for over 10 years), and reasons outside our control, the landlord decided to kick out my boyfriend and I. Our last day was October 16th, 2017.

I make 9$ an hour with an average of 11-15 hours per week (and so far no luck at gaining a second job); my boyfriend makes 10$ per hour at an average around 30 hours per week. In other words, we clearly dont make much money between the two of us. As an addition, we have 2 dogs (one of which is registered as an ESA [emotional support animal] so he's allowed anywhere, the other being less than a year and too young to register) and onw cat. This makes things 10x more difficult than they'd be if it were just the two of us.

Both our families refuse to help out. We managed to pack all our belongings and furniture in a free storage house, but have no solid place to go. We were staying at a dog/pet friendly hotel for 120$ per night up until this morning, October 20th, where they kicked us out because our dogs sometimes...bark. Yeah. Stupid. Trust me, we know. As of right now, the night of the 20th, we've been given permission to stay at his boss's hotel for this weekend for 60$ a night. We have no idea if they'll let us stay any longer than monday. If they don't, we...as far as we know righy now, we wont have anywhere to go besides our car. Period.

My mom visited for 2 days to help me apply for a loan through my work. I likely wont hear anything about it until sometime next week. If we get it? All our problems will be solved. Well, you know, if we're able to find a pet-friendly place to put a down payment on and move into asap. But for now, everything is up in the air. Cross your fingers for us please.

I'm making this post asking for donations in order for us to have the money for food, gas, and a different pet-friendly hotel if things don't work out here, or dont work out at all.

Any amount is more than appreciated. Seriously. Even if it's under 10$, it will be enough to help us at least pay for dinner or lunch.

My paypal is: [email protected]

If you can't donate, please at least reblog this post to spread the word. This is a Very Serious situation. Please, any help is welcome.

#donate #donations #help #homeless #poor #broke #my mom cant help us financially bc shes even more broke being out of work so long trying to get disability #this is a new post with less crowded reblogs of myself replying with things i forgot #and as an update #please please please help #we're doing all we can to find places

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autismus-obscurus · 7 years

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hello could you help me, i wanna write a story were onw of the characters is autistic i want a little help is there some sites about it

First of all, I’m very glad you turn to the autistic community. I’m sure you’ve seen this written a bunch of times, but just to be sure: please, please stay away from Autism Speaks. They demonize autism (basically saying autistic people ruin their families and would be better off dead). They promote a “cure” (which means aborting children that test positive for autism genes) and abusive “therapy”. A good post about why ABA is bad is HERE.This is a very good post on what to look out for in research.Tbh, I don’t go on other websites as much, so I’ll put some links of stuff that I know. For a general understanding, you can look into the DSM-V criteria (the offical criteria to diagnose autism). This won’t give you much to write a lively character, but with all the resources, it can be overwhelming. You should also definitely check out the organizations run by autistics, such as the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network and the Autistic Women’s Network.Autism is a spectrum. (See here for an explanation on what that means.) No two autistics are the same, and experience the world the same. An important tip I read was “don’t make autism their only defining trait” (it’s the same with race or sexuality, really). It’s tempting, since autism is literally affect how our brain works, but it’s better to do it in subtle ways e.g.

sensory differences (HERE is an example for sensory issues)

executive dysfunction and how to deal with it

overstimulation (also called sensory overload; common, but not universal)

the empathy thing

Eye contact

Voice stuff

“Atypical” Traits

How do special interests work?

Comorbidities and how the influence our perception of autism

Example: PTSD and Autism

This is a very cute comic that gives an overview over common issues and how to be a good ally.

For inspiration and relatable things, you can definitely check out the #actuallyautistic tag! If you need examples for sensory things: Sensory hell and Sensory heavenIf you look on tumblr, you’ll find tons of examples for stimming. The trick is obviously to write it in a way that doesn’t degrade it (especially happy flapping has become a meme that basically says people who flap are R*tarded or just insane). That goes for all autistic behavior.

Another big topic is ableism. Warning: You will fuck up. We all do. I’m autistic and I still struggle with internalized ableism a lot. That includes automatically thinking autistic behavior looks weird, or not being able to express it, hell I haven’t even told more than four people in real life I’m autistic. Autistic is still used to mean something negative and you don’t shake that easily. Just be critical of your own thinking.Ableism has many facettes, too many for me to line up here. Some include:

Not listening to us: People who talk are “obviously” too high-functioning to speak about autism, people who can’t talk are not assumed to be able to express an opinion.

Everyone has met at least one neurotypical who assumed they knew more about autism than an autistic person.

Medical ableism: Goes both directions. Either autistics are treated as if we could not make decisions, even as adults, or our problems are dismissed, especially other symptoms

Sexism: Women much less likely to receive a diagnosis or to be treated for medical problems both. Resources masterpost on autism in women

An article about lack of diagnosis in autistic women

Abuse: Can range from emotional abuse (e.g. guilt tripping, gaslighting) to physical (e.g. provoking a meltdown / sensory overload on purpose), usually both

Generally just ignoring an autistic person’s boundaries.

“Autistics are only worth something if they have a special talent” (basically Rain Man)-> dehumanization in general, “we’re not human for not having certain traits / abilities”

There’s also this huge debate on self-dx (see this post for example). In many places diagnosis is expensive and can have a lot of disadvantages (e.g. looking for jobs). Self-dx involves a shit ton of research, months and years of it, really. (Just like you are doing now!) My humble opinion: Psychologists fuck up as well, see the ableism section.

Here is a post on how to get diagnosed as an adult. And here is a post on self-dx!Here’s my story of getting diagnosed (maybe less relevant, but take it as a real life example)

Media representation of autistic people is unfortunately complete garbage for the most part:

This post has a lot of notes with people telling what irks them about media representation of disability in general.Here is a post on why The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time )a pretty popular book that we read in school as “education” about autism) is a bad representationA post on ableism in the series “Good Doctor”I couldn’t find a cohesive review of the show “Atypical” and I haven’t seen it myself, nor do I intend to, but if you go in the #atypical tag the autistic community is very clear that it’s bullshit (and also backed by Autism Speaks, so big surprise)Billy from the new power rangers is autistic! And from what I’ve heard he’s actually well-written. (A post about what the writers did right.)

Things to avoid (unless you present it in the context of ableism / being negative):

cure rhethoric

functioning labels / mental age rhetoric (See this post)

The distinction aspergers and autism (I can’t find the post explaining in detail why it’s bullshit but here’s the short version: Aspergers is an outdated concept (in the new DSM-V it doesn’t exist anymore, you’re just autistic) and it has been used to separate the “good” autistics from the “bad” (it’s ableist and a functioning label basically)

Here’s also an explanation on Aspie supremacists

emotionless character

person first language (Here is a post on why PFL is bad)

white little boy with special interest in trains (they do exist, but it’s overdone)

he’s autistic BUT- (insert special ability) Click Here

Here is a post explaining our preference for the autism label above othersHere is another post on writing autistic charactersLastly, I recently found a very good post about the difficulty of calling a character autistic in writing, you can check it out here.

I probably forgot a ton of important things, so if anyone wants to add something, please do so; or shoot me a message, whatever is more comfortable.

#dev answers #actually autistic #info masterpost #writing #asd #autism #this took around two hours to type up but it was fun lol

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tumblunni · 7 years

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OH MAN GEEZ IM FUCKIN EMOTIONAL ALREADY black butler: book of circus spoilers below:

oh god, the ways they expanded the story for the anime are SO FUCKIN SAD I kinda like that they made it so you actually do see the circus crew kidnapping children this time. I mean, I dont think its made to make them any less sympathetic, but it definately reminds you that the playing field is even here and they’re morally complicated rather than just poor innocent victims of mr evil protagonist. Also its REALLY GORY and REALLY PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR

Its so messed up, seriously These poor kids are being sent to kidnap other kids, by a creepy asshole murder pedophile fuck. And they dont know WHY theyre kidnapping kids, they don’t know what happens to the ones they hand over. And they’re all JUST FUCKING KIDS, they’re fucking children who’re all heavily disabled in different ways and LITERALLY owe their life to this horrible villain man. And they dont know why they were saved and why these other kids are.. going.. somewhere else. And they really dont know whether to trust their ‘father’, but its pretty clear they all have their suspicions that the kidnapped kids might be dying. But they dont have anywhere else to go if they disobey their father, and he’s fucking with their heads so they all feel like they’re the only onw with doubts and they cant even question it or everyone will turn on them and they’ll get kicked out on the street again and never see any of their siblings. And they all VERY MUCH know what its like to be dying on the streets. And this time they’d had a chance to know what its like to have prosthetic limbs and medical help and be able to eat three solid meals a day and wear pretty clothes and have a family. Having all that taken away will hurt even more than if they’d never known what it’s like..

So I sympathise with them, I really do. And I really believe they could have been rescued, and could have been redeemed, and ultimately we shouldnt be blaming them for what they did, only blaming the man who forced them into it and gave enough illusion of choice that they were able to feel guilt about it... BUT STILL that was REALLY FUCKED UP AND DISTURBING AND SAD AND DISTURBING AND SAD

seriously they PUT ON A FINAL CIRCUS SHOW for every single kid they kidnap part of it is about luring them in so they trust them, but also it seems they take it way too far for it to just be that. They almost got caught because they spent so much time doing their performance for this poor lil matchstick seller girl! and its equal parts heartwarming and DISGUSTING because this poor kid is like.. I dont even know if they drug their victims or if she was just going insane from having to see them killing the policeman that tried to save her they’re just horribly gorily fighting the policemen, stabbing a fucking knife through some guy’s eye, and the kid is sitting there having a complete mental collapse, laughing as if this is all part of the show. And we get this twisted vision of her point of view, seeing the nice clown man doing a funny show smacking mr teddy bear with a mallet, as the dead body of the policeman falls at her feet. And then they bundle her into the carriage and thats just the end. We dont find out what happens to the kidnapped kids, any more than the kidnappers know... We just got to learn so much about this poor kid, and that poor policeman, and have a bunch of heartwarming moments of them becoming friends, and then she just turns the corner for like five minutes and the policeman is like ‘wtf is that flute music’ then sees a fuckin ENTIRE CIRCUS IN AN ALLEYWAY and gets stabbed through the goddamn eye trying to reach the kid in time. And she’s so out of it that she couldnt even see him. His last thoughts were probably seeing her glassy eyes staring right through him... And we know that he had a daughter that this street urchin reminded him of, and we know she had a sick little brother who really needed the money the policeman gave her, and an abusive mother that’ll probably be forcing that poor brother to go out panhandling now her daughter is gone.. And just... GAHH my fucking emotions my sadness and also A LOT OF FEAR so much blood

and I KNOW HOW IT ENDS i know that the kids don’t fuckin go to a happy place with a nice new dad and ‘father’ only spared those few kids so they could be pawns he could manipulate into capturing more kids, and test subjects for his evil science team’s freaky bullshit and they dont even KNOW that they’re test subjects! they dont know that their prosthetic limbs are MADE FROM THE OTHER KIDNAPPED KIDS WHO NEVER CAME BACK god, im already imagining how they’d fuckin animate the poor ringleader guy throwing up as he realizes his arm is made from someone else’s bones and then he just DIES they all just die horribly in service of this disgusting fucking child murderer pedophile that they thought was their father half of them never learn that they were the villains all along, the other half get to know it just in time to despair utterly as they’re killed off too

and evil bastard’s trump card that kept them all obeying him it DIDNT EXIST he fucking held it over their heads that their other siblings were still out there somewhere, at his ‘orphanage’, and they had to work with him so he could send money back to them so they could all be happy too when really he’d killed them long ago, and for all we know they could be the ones that joker’s prosthetic arm was made from T_T and ciel’s fuckin only chance to do something to help the people he completely failed who all died hating him and thinking he’d betrayed them, that they were the good guys and he was the villain... that last chance was a fucking lie he tried to save the ‘other kids’ and the fucking ‘orphanage’ was an empty abandoned building full of nothing but maybe a stray doll they left behind before they were all horribly murdered so we just end on our protagonist being the absolute villain of this arc, and the actual villains being sympathetic kids, and him laughing like a madman as his last chance of redemption blows away on the wind

oh, and he fuckin personally murdered a bunch of kids too, even though he didnt kill all his villain friends with his own hand. he found some of the kids in the lab that were test experiments, the few who hadnt been killed yet. the few who’d had to watch potentially HUNDREDS of friends be dragged kicking and screaming to that operating table, and see every second of them being eviscerated into pieces. And ciel just sees himself in them, they’re all so catatonic that they cant even see him and all he can see is himself and he knows from personal experience that a kid can come back from that, but he knows how much of a monster he’s become and he thinks the kids would be happier if they could die as they are instead of losing themself so he just sets the whole building on fire and i end up crying for him even as he’s committing a horrible act! fucking moral ambiguity: the show

and god, even this episode’s goofy friendship fun parts were horrifying too! it starts off with the whole ‘ha ha ciel doesnt know this kid is Doll, cos she ~looks like a boy~ when she’s not in costume’ random stupidness but its still cute cos she’s being so kind to the newbie, and you can learn a lot about her character from it how she’s trying to be all smiley and goofy and giving him candy and saying how she’d never even tasted it before, and now he can stay here and be her lil brother and never get hit by anyone and never go hungry and she knows the goddamn price she has to pay for all this, and she wants to keep ciel innocent of it she doesnt know he’s already just as corrupted, and he’s really a spy sent to take them down and then just DEAR GOD THAT SCENE THAT IS NOT OKAY but it was absolutely fucking necessary I think, to keep the moral ambiguity and not make us just hate ciel forever she fuckin.. accidentally triggers a ptsd flashback in the poor kid he’s never been homeless before so he doesnt realise its a group bathroom, and then freaks out and tries to run. but she’s just teasing him as part of her cool big sis persona, and doesnt realise he has an actual reason to be scared. So they end up fighting and she accidentally reveals the scar on his back to everyone the fucking brand that was burned into him when he was kidnapped and enslaved and the episode just ends with our usually unflappable protagonist curled up in a ball under a towel, shaking and crying and his only comfort is the demonic butler he’s using to enact his revenge, and all he says is just ‘you’re better than this, you’re a badass’ ciel never really has any form of actual sympathy, does he? the only person who knows about what happened to him is this morally ambiguous monster minion guy. and the whole hook of the series is that we never really know if Sebastian actually gives a shit about ciel or any of the other humans, or if he’s just waiting for the poor kid to fuck up and leave an opportunity to devour his soul. I wanna believe that Sebastian does have some sort of fatherly affection for ciel, or at least they both care about each other in a sort of.. mutually evil way. But even if thats true, its not like sebastian is gonna really be any good to talk to in a time like this. he;s just gonna sass ciel for showing weakness. he just has this fuckin motivational speech of ‘yo ciel youre a fuckin evil bastard, remember? get up and continue your evil bastard ways’. and somehow it actually kinda works and actually kinda feels affectionate in context :P BUT STILL SERIOUSLY POOR CIEL he could have turned out a lot better than this if he had someone in his life who could actually give him a goddamn hug but I guess thats not really what he wanted, even though its what he needed instead he wished for the power to enact revenge on the one who killed his family and enslaved him and he set off on this long horrible path of becoming an evil bastard to track down this other evil bastard when he’s only fuckin ELEVEN and he’s happy to throw away his soul, and doesnt care if sebastian betrays him in the end and he burns in hell forever, as long as he can stop that evil bastard from doing the same thing to more children and this arc is so fucked up cos he failed so horribly to stop some OTHER evil bastard from doing the same thing to more children and he’s become so twisted and antiheroey and cynical that he missed his chances to redeem those poor other twisted kids, and maybe he could have done better in stopping the real villain if he had.. and the only fuckin thing we got out of this arc was that the bastard kidnapping these children was a copycat criminal of the one who did it to ciel, so we at least finally have one clue that might lead to a resolution someday but EVERYONE DIED and ciel’s even more fucking traumatized! and he’s jumped off the deep end and become full antihero evil bastard and all the character development he had during the arc has been negated and fuckin completely reversed cos of how it ended and he lost a bazillion friends and he was betraying them the entire time, and they died resenting him, or resenting him AND learning that he was right and they’d been working for the villain all along, and then he couldnt even save their other siblings cos they were long dead and just THIS FUCKING ARC IS SO FUCKED UP GAHHHHH

I guess sometimes you just wanna watch depressing cinema, yknow? I do hope that someday this series actually ends with at least a bittersweet ending, not an equally fatalistic one that means everything was all for nothing. i want the poor circus kids’s deaths to actually mean something...

Also, randomly and incidentally, I want the giant creepy pedo incesty shipping fandom to die in a fire. Before I even started watching it, Black Butler was famous as ‘that pedo anime’, everyone acted as if Sebastian x Ciel was canon and they kept teasing it in every episode or something. BUT NOPE. NONE. NICHT. NON. NAG YDW. Where the FUCK did they even get it from, seriously?? We don’t know if Sebastian is gonna betray ciel or not in the end, but im PRETTY FUCKING SURE that he doesn’t have a boner for a fucking ten year old! I know the idea of a demon servant is a common romance novel thing, but seriously wtf is wrong with you... I know I’m mad that this arc ended so horribly, but still I feel like the various moral ambiguity discussions are super interesting and I would have regretted if I’d never read any of this manga just because of some awful fanbase members.

ANYWAY IN SUMMARY bunni cry over episode

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barkley-col-blog · 5 years

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Earthstar fanfic chap 1 cont.

cont... I’ll post a possible start to Earthstar Book One, Passage, in a few pieces. I only know of books three and four, but this starts with Ariat before he starts traveling and shows up in Soucy’s Book One. Hope you like it - let me know if you know the Earthstar series or remember other characters.

When Ari got home his father was sitting at breakfast, eyes still puffy and hair still sticking out at odd angles from bed. He could hear his mother working in the family plot behind the house where she tended the smallest possible amount of vegetable and an award-winning flower garden. Riad’s roses were especially prized. They were the size of dinner plates brilliant purple, and blood-orange, a pure green that faded to lagoon blue in the center that she called dragon’s eye. She had roses so white that they lit the garden at night and hurt the eyes in direct sunlight. And she grew roses of every color that were no larger than chicken’s eggs; Backwater girls would pay two half pence just to put one in their hair, or on their dresses for special occasions. Also, they would get to talk to Ariat, awkwardly, when they came by. Artas saw him looking out the back window.

“I always tell her, you can’t eat flowers, woman! But you know, it makes her happy so we allow it, right my friend?” He looked to Ari as if his mother’s eccentricities were a burden they both shared.

“No father, you just want the oranges.”

Artas’ face darkened even as he bit into an orange, his favorite food that he finished every meal with. Riad kept a small grove of fruit trees so rare for Backwater they could not win awards, there was nothing with which to compare them. Long ago, she had convinced Artas that the roses were needed for good fruit. “Something about bees and pollination,” he would say dismissively for the rest of his life in order to explain his odd wife to company.

Artas returned comfortably to his politician-and-father voice. “You’re to go to Tom Smithson’s. He has work for you today. No time to wash-up and not much water besides. Best be on your way.” Tom Smithson was not particularly popular. When taxes went unpaid, Tom made housecalls on behalf of the government.

“You’ll have me act the public servant with the farmer’s in the morning and chase down debtors in the afternoon? Are you trying to win or lose this election?” He regretted his last words. Brough and Kemp would have laughed at such a comment, not Artas. He stood.

“Listen to me, boy. You don’t want to do the work of a man but you speak to me like one. I can still tan your hide and you are no one to be scoffing at a day’s work. Your mother… Tom’s work is necessary, important. Tom collects taxes, taxes go to our king, the king keeps us safe. Who cares if some piss-ant Backwater dirt farmer doesn’t like it? Too bad. Understand?”

Safe from what? He wanted to tell his father about Brough’s hilt-for-a-sword but thought better of it. He never should have provoked Artas in the first place.

“Yes, father,” was all he said.

“Good. Now go. I’m plenty busy without managing you.” As Ari slipped out the door, his father called after him, “And watch your damn mouth!”

Ariat took his time walking from his house to downtown, which meant that he walked to the end of the street and took a left. Backwater was a single square of four long streets. One corner was occupied by the homes of those wealthy enough to live in town: merchants, politicians, smithies, millers, clothiers, and tax collectors; the other two streets held the few shops, government buildings and Backwater’s two alehouses, and third alehouse that was more than an alehouse. The house was often full but no one was ever seen entering or exiting from the street. The rear of the house had a high fence that blocked it from view of the town square. Everyone in town used the fountain for drinking and washing. Everyone in town pretended not to notice to looking fence in the northeast corner. Boys who punched holes in the fence to peer through one night would find their efforts patched and filled by the next day. Ariat was more interested in the square. There was nothing to see but some chickens, sheep, and a tall plain fountain with water running out four spigots in each of the cardinal directions. Ariat had been told that a knight’s tournament was once held on the square when King Adira II had passed through, or Adira III, or possibly King Onwe. The story changed, no one living had seen the tournament. It didn’t matter to Ariat, he could only imagine what armor looked like much less two knights in armor on plated horses charging at one another across this field occupied by calmly grazing sheep.

Ariat knocked softly on Tom’s door thinking that if Tom didn’t answer he could leave. Tom answered without delay, however, calling Ariat into the small, clean office. He had always been perfectly pleasant when Ariat reported for duty, likely because he was staying in to send letters of notice while Ariat did his legwork. And no one lived farther out of town than the man Ariat was sent to.

“The Star-Geezer?” Ariat exclaimed despite himself when Tom handed him the slip.

“Yes,” Tom said as if it was wholly uninteresting, “and his name is Lord Hubbard. He may be delinquent on the king’s tax but still wealthy. Close your mouth, you look like a fish and it’s making me hungry.”

“You expect me to collect his taxes?”

“The king’s taxes, son.” Tom always said ‘king’s taxes’. He said that people see his face when they think of losing money, the least they could do is not connect his name. It did not work. “I’m told the Star-G…Lord Hubbard is very genteel and perfectly hospitable. It’s just so far-” he trailed off and busied himself to end the conversation. Only as Ariat was walking out did Tom call, “Don’t come back without all of it!” and then start whistling to make it clear he was not expecting dialogue.

The day was hot and Ariat was soon sweating in his leather pants. Once out of sight of town, he took his boots off and walked in the sharp, dry grass grasses alongside the path. He had never wanted to leave Backwater, but he often dreamed of interesting people or things coming to him. For his whole, though, there was only one interesting person in the whole village and Ariat was now going to ask him to please pay up. As he slid his feet through the grass he remembered good reason to be even more embarrassed. He had heard a dozen stories about the night Star-Geezer appeared in town and saved Artas’ life. Artas never spoke of it, but nearly everyone else in town did. Ariat’s family came to Backwater before he could remember for a ‘political appointment’ as Artas called it. Last year, Ariat had finally thought to ask why Artas had to run elections for an appointment. He didn’t get an answer but he get told to start gardening for town council members, running errands for Tom Hill, carrying water to the town elderly, and helping farmers in the field. Appointed or elected made little difference. Artas’ affable nature, and willingness to change nothing in town life, had gained him fast friends in Backwater. One night at the Balehouse, or perhaps the Plowman depending on the telling, a stranger had gotten rough with Artas about his king-granted home and his “sweet wife.” By all accounts, Riad, was at home. After words were exchanged, a blade was drawn. The blade was between four inches and four feet long, the man was a dwarf or a giant and weighed between two and six stone. Everyone agrees though, Artas was a moment from death, the two men squared, Artas with no weapon but pleading words when a voice said blithely, “You should have come prepared assassin.” All eyes turned to the strangest of strangers at the door. A few say that he was wearing pants, and a robe, and leather armor, and a cloak, and a rain cover on the cloudless night; they say he had one gauntleted hand and had hooves for feet. Only Ariat believed such things, because he desperately wanted to think something so strange could have occurred in his own town. Most people say simply that he was wearing all the right things but still looked wrong. As Brough had put it, “He looked like a farmer who had never dirtied a hand.” From the doorframe the man who would become known as Star-Geezer spoke again, “It’s time to go.”

The assassin began, “I came prepared - ” but when he lifted his hand he wasn’t holding the blade. Star-Geezer was turning it over in his hands, studying it.

“Interesting markings…Well,” he said, looking up, “it appears you’ve brought a beer to a knife fight! Good sirs, I believe you all can handle this situation. I’ll be just beyond the hill if needed. Goodnight.” He passed back out the door and the crowd turned its angry attention to the now unarmed man who had just threatened their beloved councilman.

Thinking on these events for the hundredth time brought Ariat right to Star-Geezer’s squat cube home, all alone on the infertile side of Root Hill. Water never crested over the hill.

He put his boots back on quietly, took a moment to survey his surroundings and knocked on the door. Star-Geezer answered. He was taller than Ariat remembered from the few times he had seen him at a distance. He had also thought of him as being a gaunt old man but the Star-Geezer who answered the door was far more robust. His dark black hair was only touched by grey and he had trimmed it recently as well as his beard. He wore a loose tunic and riding breeches, though Ariat had neither seen nor smelled a horse. Despite his strong, youthful appearance there was no doubt he was Lord Hubbard, the Star-Geezer. His black eyes locked onto Ariat with bold shining white centers as if they reflected the lenses of his seeing glass. Ariat had to remind himself that he existed.

“I’m here for the…king’s taxes,” he heard himself say.

“The what? Come on, get inside now.” Ari stepped into the cool dark home. Most of it sat in shadow except for the reading table directly below the East facing window. “The what?” he repeated, now behind Ari.

“The king’s taxes!” Ari said louder, in case it was a hearing problem.

“The king? Is that what Tom is calling himself these days? Better not word of that get about, eh?” He chuckled to himself and turned a slow circle. “Well, it’s here anyway, the money. Come in to the table. I don’t live so close to town, I know. Would like something to drink?”

Ari meant to say ‘No’ but instead he said, “Yes please, tea would be nice,” then he remembered himself and added, “Ah, and where might the payment be?”

“Tea, splendid idea,” he disappeared around the corner into a kitchen. Ariat was getting ready to shout the question when Star-Geezer called, “It might be under the hill with your potatoes! It might be that I turn my coins into stars and every night I’m simply keeping an eye on my vast fortunes! Or, it might be behind the toilet.” He went silent after that, apparently listening for some reaction from Ariat. Then he stuck his head out from the kitchen, “Guess which.”

“It’s behind the toilet.”

“Clever, boy. It’s behind the toilet!”

“Will you-”

“No, I won’t. Go fetch Tom’s gold.”

Back outside and around the side of the house stood Lord Hubbard’s toilet shed. Ari pushed the door open with his toe and stepped into the space. Sure enough, one of the short panels in the wall, just below the toilet seat was a disguised wooden box set into the wall. Ari never would have noticed it if he hadn’t been looking for it.

Stopping outside of the outhouse for a quick minute, he opened the box. It was so heavy. He found it as full as possible with gold. One of the pieces would pay three year’s taxes. He thought about taking a small piece for himself but the cunning of Star-Geezer was not to be trusted. When he re-entered, Lord Hubbard was setting the tea down on the reading table.

“Did you find it?”

“Yes, I have it.”

“Good, good!” He sounded both relieved and proud of Ari for fetching something from his toilet. “Bring it here. Ah, this – no this one. Here’s is more than sufficient coin for Tom. So, did you take one for yourself?” his tone was purely curious without any accusation.

“No, of course not.”

“Why not? I have plenty. You could have taken one outside. I’d never know.”

“I didn’t. I swear.”

“Alright. So why not? Because stealing is wrong and these don’t belong to you?” He hefted the box so the coins chunked heavily inside.

Ari looked at him for a long time, sipping his tea, which had the right amount of leaves, hadn’t been over-boiled, and had some other pleasant taste Ari couldn’t quite place. “No,” he said finally. “Because I thought you’d know and you scare me a little.”

“Good. It’s good to be honest. A boy your age doesn’t know right from wrong, only fears getting in trouble. Stealing is wrong unless you want to impress your friends or a girl. Then, it’s just a prank, right?”

“Right.”

“Right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m a lord, actually.”

“Yes, m’lord.” They sipped their tea. Ari didn’t know what Lord Hubbard thought of him. At least he knew when his father was angry. As he was casting about for something to say, the tea bloomed in his mind and he thought aloud, “With all that money, why have you delayed paying the king’s taxes? Do you disapprove of the king?”

“No, not particularly. I just wanted to see you.”

“But it’s Tom who collects delinq- late payments. How did you know I would be sent here?

“You call me Star-Geezer in town, do you not?”

After their talk of theft, Ariat did not consider lying. “Yes, you are called by that name in town.”

“I like it. Well, I look at very far away objects with my seeing glasses. Some people who do what I do forget how to see what’s right in front of them but I see close-up things with great clarity and detail”

“Yes, m’lord.” Ari did not understand. “Why would you want to see me? You know me not. Is it about the election?”

“Politics don’t concern me. I want you to ask me a question, any question.”

“I’ve asked several, I hope I’ve not gone over my limit.”

“No,” he smiled. “We have talked and you have asked for clarification. But now I want you to ask a question.” It seemed important. Ariat thought hard on a single question worthy of the time of astronomer Lord Hubbard but all he could think of was the question he’d always wanted to ask since the day he first heard of Star-Geezer.

“Is it true that you have mirrors on top of mountains that allow you to watch the galaxy of the Mezostar?”

“Do you think that I can look at suns?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come outside,” he said springing up. He snatched a seeing-glass from beside the door and hustled outside. By the time Ari had sipped his tea once more and walked outside, Star-Geezer had the tripod fixed to accommodate Ari and the seeing glass pointing directly at the sun.

“Come, look.”

“At the sun?”

“Yes, you wanted to see galaxies.” He hadn’t said that. He had simply been asking if Lord Hubbard had seen them. But he had never looked through a seeing glass before. Stepping up, he put his eye to the glass and felt it immediately start to burn. Vision went from red to black with all white stars searing his eyes.

“Gods!” he cried, reeling back.

“Do you see it? Do you see the galaxies? Ha!” Star-Geezer was beside himself laughing. He’s no sage, just a crazy old man. He and Ari calmed down from their respective hysterias.

Star-Geezer looked controlled when Ari asked, “Why did you do that?”

“You did that.”

“You told me to.”

“And, do you do everything you’re told?”

“I trusted you.”

“You can trust me. But you can’t trust any man, including myself, when he’s telling you to stare at the sun, juggle swords, or tie a rock to your belt for swimming. Besides, you asked me a question but I answered a better one.” ----- rubbed his eyes and couldn’t remember what his question had been. Star-Geezer continued, “Suns and stars are the same things except that you can look at stars. Men are lovers of light and we like to believe it brings truth, but you can learn much more by gazing into the darkness.” He watched Ariat for a quiet moment before clapping his hands and adding, “And there’s no such thing as star-gazing at mid-day! Ha!”

“I understand, m’lord.” He understood – this is what happens to unsuspecting tax collectors.

“No, you don’t but that takes time. Unfortunately, I must be off. I’d like to give you something for your troubles.”

“No thank you, m’ lord. I have what I came for.”

“Not yet,” and in his hand was a coin. It was gold on the outside, platinum in a middle ring and a clear stone was set in the center. He pressed it into Ari’s hand. It almost filled Ari’s palm, the largest coin he’d ever seen.

“This is too much. I mean it, I can’t have this”

“It’s yours.”

“It can’t be mine.”

“See?” Star-Geezer smiled broadly. “You are wiser than you know. It is not yours, but you will keep it, for now. You cannot spend it, and your possession of the coin will be our little secret. Yes? You will keep it and tell no one?”

“I will.” Ariat knew he spoke the truth.

“Excellent, young sir. Now hurry back to Tom, I have much to do.”

He disappeared through the front door, leaving the seeing-glass on the lawn. Ari stood for a moment gazing at the coin. As his eyes roamed over the inscribed gold he realized, lemon. The tea was flavored with lemon; his mother kept the only lemon tree in Backwater, probably in all of the Powder River Valley. He kept his hand on the coin in his pocket as he hurried back to town.

#earthstar ariat bookone lordhubbard

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cause-their-not-coming-back-blog · 8 years

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sparring lessons (Mikasa x Bertholdt-Friendship bro)

Running her fingers through her hair as a way to ground herself, the raven haired female slowly made her way to the training grounds. Her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked over at Eren sparring with Annie, she let out a low growl as she continued to beat him, her eyes tinted with rage. Doing her best to stay calm, she made her way over to her partner of the day; Bertholdt Fubar. Glancing over her shoulder and catching a glimpse of Annie kicking the wind out of Eren once more, Mikasa turned to Bertholdt and let out a low growl. 'Control Blondie over there before I do it myself, because she is n o t going to get away with hurting him like that.' she spoke lowly, securing her glare on the taller male, her eyes full of rage at Annie, for not going at least a b i t easy on Eren, Bertholdt, for not controlling Annie, and herself, for not being allowed to step in and protect Eren, though she would if she could. Bertholdt, only taking a looking at Mikasa before taking a glance over at Eren, raising an eyebrow. 'I'm not friends with her, hell, I'm not really acquainted with her, so bad luck there,because there's nothin' I can do.' He spoke, falling back into his fighting stance as the wooden dagger lay forgotten on the ground. Letting Mikasa have the first strike, he grabbed her fist after she struck him across the face, lifting her up and throwing her onto her face, causing a bit of blood to stream out of her nose. She may be strong, probably stronger than him, but he had leverage, and its not like he was weak, so, in a way, he had the upper hand. Knocking his legs out from under him, Mikasa flipped him down onto his back, while striking him across the face so hard that it caused blood to trickle down his chin and drip onto the ground. Only now remembering the dagger they were supposed to be using, Bertholdt picked it up and twirled it around his fingers, before leaning against the fence and glancing over at Mikasa. 'What do you want to do now? We weren't supposed to make each other bleed, Shadis is gonna get pissed.' He stated, furrowing his brows slightly when he spotted her sitting next to him. 'I'll deal with him if he gives us any shit, don't worry.' She spoke, her eyes trained on Shadis as he was walking around the other side of the training area, reprimanding a few of the other cadets. Unluckily for Bertholdt, he had to be the onw to catch Shadis' eye, quickly trying to cover up the fact that they were bleeding. Too late. Eyes widening slightly as Shadis walked over, he quickly saluted him, whereas Mikasa gave him a curt nod. 'Cadets Fubar, Ackerman, what the actual f u c k do you think you're doing? Did you forget how these sparring sessions work? Laps 'till dinner, both of you.' He spoke, not having even the time to turn away before he heard a retort from Mikasa. 'No. These rules are old and they don't matter anymore. We see blood everyday of our lives. We kill titans for a living. And yet, we have to run laps for hours when we make each other bleed a bit? These rules are outdated, overrated, and just plain stupid.' Mikasa spoke in an almost monotone voice, making Bertholdt wince as he lent down to whisper in her ear. 'Stop it, before you have to run until you drop, which, knowing you, will take a while.' He hissed, only now realizing that all of the other cadet's eyes were trained on them. Glancing around, he caught Annie's eye, rolling his own emerald green irises when he saw her point at Mikasa, then him, and make a gagging face. Luckily for her, Shadis was too caught up in Mikasa, because if he caught her, she'd be dead meat. Anger taking over their superiors face, he turned to face Mikasa with a stone cold glare. 'You're not getting away with this. I'm thinking about sending you away, here and now, so don't get on my nerves, Ackerman.' He growled, before turning to Bertholdt. 'Fubar, start your laps. I have to deal with Ackerman.' He spoke lowly, watching as Bertholdt went to start running his laps. Keeping her voice calm and level, Mikasa stared up at Shadis, blank faced. 'Kick me out, torture me, take my soul and kill my spirit, but for the love of god,' she spoke, never breaking eye contact with her supervisor. 'Don't crush them. Don't crush the spirits of these innocent people, all working to fight for humanity, to save your life, to save my life, to s a v e people. Bertholdt especially, he's trying so fucking hard and he doesn't deserve to be kicked out of trying to help because of me. I'll take whatever punishment you give me, whatever you choose to do with me, but you need them. Everyone needs them. They sure as hell don't need me. So, Keith,' she paused once more, smirking inwardly at his face As she glanced around at all the cadets around her, locking eyes with each one briefly locking eyes with Bertholdt a moment more before turning back to her superior officer. 'Are you willing to kick off two of your best cadets because one was a bit rude and gave you a reality check? To tear up a family because of a single girl? If making me leave is what you want, then making me leave is what you'll get.' She spoke simply, turning on her heel and taking off her trainee jacket and folding it neatly, placing it in Bertholdt's hands. 'Don't let him push you around too much, okay?' She smiled softly, before walking past him, slowly off the grounds. She knew Eren could take care of himself, he was old enough by now to defend himself, and the others if need be. Armin and Eren could help each other, so she wasn't needed there anymore. If she really thought about it, she wasn't really n e e d e d there in the first place. The one something she could hope for now, is that her speech gave the others hope. Hope that they could win, that they could protect humanity like she knew they could. Bertholdt, however, had other plans. Jogging after Mikasa, he pulled a risky as fuck move when he grabbed her wrist. 'Don't go. You were wrong. We do need you. Look, everyone agrees with me.' He spoke gently, and as if on cue, Eren yelled a loud. 'Please don't go Mikasa!' After Bertholdt had finished speaking. Dragging her back to Shadis, Bertholdt looked at him and spoke in a level tone, showing he didn't want to be argued with. 'Mikasa is staying with us, you're not making her leave.' He growled, before helping Mikasa onto the horse Eren had brought over, though he knew she didn't need the help. Getting on his own horse, he rode beside her, looking out into the forest, before glancing back at Reiner and Annie. This secret was killing him with each step they took, especially after Mikasa preached about him wanting to save humanity, when in truth, he was the one who brought it to its knees. Falling back in line with Reiner and Annie, the next pair down, he let a tear fall, before wiping his eye and brushing his fringe out of his face. Looking in front of him at Mikasa, he let out a soft sigh. He considered her a friend, although that might not last long, considering how hs knew she felt about people like him, Annie and Reiner; people who were traitors. She hated them. And deep, deep down, he knew that one day, maybe in the near future, maybe not, there would be a day that he hated him beyond measure. And he knew that.

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