#at least not without starting a fight
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You know it's serious when the Gen Z-er wants to talk on the phone about the issue.
#community theater#personal#this is me vague blogging because i can't do so in namespace#at least not without starting a fight
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Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.
He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.
That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).
Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.
50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"
Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.
They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.
This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.
Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.
#iwtv#iwtv character analysis#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#loumand#amc iwtv#iwtv s2#iwtv season 2#don't be afraid just start the tape#Gotta feel bad for Louis for winding up falling in love again with someone ruled so much by their own undealt with shit#making him once again the victim of abuse for it#But at least I guess Lestat values his independence? And Louis to an extent.#Theres a lot less co-dependancy going on between them but it's still like ... there#I'm so serious tho when I say I really want IWTV to go in the direction of 'vampires all dealing with their shit and breaking generational#cycles of abuse' because THATS so IT too me. That's the juice tbh.#because a thing with immortality is that you can't partition away from dealing with shit through knowing you or someone is going to die#You have to confront it you're forced to or else its just FOREVER literally going to be there#Louis (or really Claudia) being the first to really confront that (chef kiss)#which is an interesting thing to depict because technically we all carry the burden of eternity w/in us. Our impact on the world lasts and#what violence we allow in the world without fighting or working against it will never change either.#We have to confront the truth and find reconciliation with all of it or it is just without end there is no bottom to it#theres a lot of discussion on it but I think Louis considers himself a survivor. He's lived to this point and will keep living.#He probably cares too much about the why he ends up a victim (the undealt with shit he can't blame them for) to admit otherwise that he is#Too an extent too he cares and loves the people he's been with to really view it that way. But also this survivor perspective is very#'immortality' accepting. Naming a victim sort of is like naming a kind of death that can't go on from there.#Might make these tags into their own post at some point
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rewatching s1 and in ep2 w*ndigo, dean makes a joke about not bringing provisions into the woods just to pull out a bag of peanut butter m&m’s and stick with me here, it’s why the later seasons’ “goofy dean” loses me
this moment is clearly a joke but if you think about it too much, it also makes some sense; a family size bag of peanut m&m’s is calorie dense and even the high sugar is good to keep you moving which they need on an overnight hunt. it also shows how due to their upbringing, they’ve had to eat lower quality food, things they always had access to that was cheap and also in bulk
what does dean eating ghost pepper jerky then tipping water on himself exist for other than to be a cringy joke? what does smelling old chinese food, testing to see if it's still good then shaking his head with cabbage hanging out his mouth when it isn't serve? it's just to make him look stupid and contrast sam's healthy/clean diet (and superiority but that’s another conversation) which has always existed but it used to be nuanced and natural
we see dean as a child give up the food he wanted to eat so sam could eat it. (“i’m sick of spaghetti-os,” “you’re the one who wanted them,” … “i want lucky charms!” “… there’s only enough for one bowl and i haven’t had any yet!” proceeds to give them to sam, 1x18) we know he hustled and stole food to ensure sam ate. (“so, what’d he take?” “get this- peanut butter and bread.” 9x07)
we also see throughout the early seasons dean teasing sam about his salad or healthy choice while he eats some form of burger or other fast food (or notably, cheerfully eating prison food that sam won’t touch, 2x19). it's typical sibling teasing but it also shows that it isn't new for sam to eat like that and for dean to know he eats like that
sam being picky isn't just a character trait they chose for him, it's a result of how dean raised him; he raised him to like and want healthy food and be food secure enough to reject food he didn't want
but dean eats anything he is given and seeks out unhealthy - cheap, plentiful, filling - food
he is the opposite of picky to the point of it being a consistent bit; they show him multiple times eating when it's socially frowned upon to do so eg. questioning a grieving victim when they're trying to be discreet (1x14, 2x15, 2x18)
a similar moment to the chinese food is in 4x19; dean wakes up in the car while sam brushes his teeth outside and is hungry. sam says there's a sandwich in the backseat, dean smells it and recoils bc it's an old tuna sandwich. the moment is funny on its own but it also exists as a comparison of their lives to adam's; he has a loving mother, goes to school and importantly, a steady stable childhood
it’s a joke with a purpose
it also supports dean's food insecurity; he wakes up and is immediately hungry, enough to complain about it and seek out food before anything else
dean is always hungry bc he never has access to nutritionally rich foods bc he got used to using the money he earned to buy sam's more expensive food. he got used to his cheaper, denser foods and grew up with (and continues to live with) intermittent access to said foods. think of how long it takes to drive from one state to another; how many hours it can take to see another town that offers food, if you arrive at a reasonable enough time for anything to be open. also think how they can’t keep any food beyond what fits in an esky; nothing that needs defrosting, nothing can be heated up. it’s bags and jars and take out for as long as they can trust it
then they get the bunker which has its own kitchen
dean even describes himself as "nesting" when he decorates his room, something he hasn't had since he was four years old, and he uses said kitchen to cook a burger from scratch that he is proud of. he is food secure for the first time in his life and it shows in how often he cooks for both himself and sam
so these moments where they have him acting goofy regarding food are no longer character driven and only exist as a joke which is why they come across as cringy and out of character compared to similar earlier moments
a lot of my issues with dean's characterisation started when they introduced the bunker. the argument can and is made that the reason these jokes happen is bc he feels safe in the bunker, that bc he now has a home he can relax and unmask but that still doesn't feel sufficient. they crank up these sillier moments for both of them, giving them a sort of playing house comedy vibe of two roommates with completely different personalities but it doesn't feel like an authentic progression. it feels forced; an attempt at humour for humour's sake
food stopped being an informed part of their characters and their trauma and instead became flanderised; sam is the judgy vegetarian health nut and dean is his borderline slovenly carnivore counterpart
#12 yr old dean throwing a bag of veggie chips at sams head and saying ‘dont forget your vegetables’ actually makes me want to scream#sam not knowing or not acknowledging how much dean did for him throughout their childhood kills me#hes always saying how bad it was or later on saying at least john did his best#it wouldve been so much worse if dean was just a little more resentful#its not limited to the later seasons ill fully admit that#it literally became a plot point in s7 with the leviathans infecting the corn syrup and dean complaining about eating ‘rabbit food’#bc hes ‘a warrior’ and needs his ‘road food’ while sam brings him to a farmers market#it comes up in at least two seperate episodes and it started to annoy me then too trust me it already felt ooc#its not just food moments either; i hate the food socks and his robe and playing with the sword too#whenever they decide to make him act stupid to help bolster sams smarts and maturity#something that used to be naturally occurring without tearing dean down bc deans smart too and was literally parentified hes plenty mature#the narrative tries so hard to make dean the dumb fighter and sam the book nerd and its such a disservice to both of them#dean isnt an idiot and not just about hunting; he has a favourite author and an encyclopaedic knowledge of music and movies#hes just as learned about sam when it comes to hunting and the show used to have that; even correcting sam and explaining things to him#and sams had plenty of one on one fight scenes AND fight scenes against dean that are almost always draws#you cant show them with this nuance then act like it never existed#i remember bitch#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#carry on my wayward son#talk meta to me#supernatural#spn#dean winchester#sam winchester#meta#save post#supernatural meta
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honestly saejima brings such a perfect balance to the 3jima dynamic its incredible that daigo and majima survived as long as they did without him
#Sorry i started thinking about them driving. because like obviously saejima is the most responsible driver here#majima for sure gets crazy bad road rage and also I just dont think. he would be a safe or responsible driver. Just in general#and honestly theres a very significant chance daigo has never gotten his license just because hes never needed to. being a rich kid and all#but even if he did i know majima would backseat drive him like CRAZY and itd make him SO MAD#and so like obviously saejima is the designated driver in a situation where it was just the three of them.#additionally i think majima would be at least Less likely to backseat drive him. but if he really pissed saejima off that bad#theyd pull off to the side of the road and beat the snot out of each other over it. and then get back in the car and continue driving#but if it was daigo getting backseat driven i think he wouldnt want to pull off and have a fist fight over it#partially because thats Well really stupid and embarrassing but also because hes going to lose#so hed just get really irritated and distracted and then theyd start arguing and hed crash into something.#so basically what im getting at. Is i dont know how they survived without saejima. I really dont.#jimas
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There is nothing I hate more than a boss fight with holes in the floor.
#destiny 2#I’m trying to do the Calus fight in Lightfall#every death has been to a flubbed grapple or being pushed off and failing to get back up#I finally got to the second phase#killed the FUCKING tormentor#and then got thrown off the stage#fell too fast to grapple back#this whole mission has been a terrifying slog#the restrictioned respawn at the platform section at the start was just mean#can you do the fight without strand?#I’d like to#no grapple#but I’d at least get a grenade and my hellion#and my fast super regen
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I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥

#I envy people who's favourite characters are like. Lukas or Petra or Jesse. Y'all don't know how good you have it#At least I can confidently say I'm one of Nurm's biggest fans. You guys can't say that without a fight breaking out aha ha#HRGAHSBSJSJSNNSN#Actually losing it#Scampering about#Ignore this I'm just#ARG 💥💥💥💥#No cause I saw a post that was super funny but the screenshot used had like. Nurm's left leg in the foregriund and I started tearing up#My period is coming I can sense it there's no other explanation for this madness#Is somebody gonna match my freak? (Going genuinely feral for a guy with like 2 fans)#I don't know the term for this attachment. Cause it's not a normal person thing I'm 90% sure it's the autism#But I don't know enough about villagers to consider this a special interest and it's too long to be a hyper fixation#(even though I am very fixated and it is tearing me up inside)#This is why I tweak so bad in the tags of Nurm art sometimes I genuinely start crying g and scratching my phone like a rabbit animal#Rabid not rabbit.#minecraft story mode#mcsm#mcsm nurm#nurm mcsm#There are no emojis nor words that accurately depict my current state#I'm normal I'm normal I swear please I'm normal
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instagram: oh, so I see you like to write! :D
me: yup. that's what this account is for.
instagram: oh! and you follow people who post about books! :D
me: yes those are other authors.
instagram: cool. from now on your entire suggested feed will be readings of uncensored sex scenes without warning. from books! :D
me: with all disrespect, what is wrong with you
#bookstagram started doing this to me today and i don't know why or how but i need it to end because legitimately this is disgusting#this is not about me trying to police what others write or what others read this is me having literally no way to prevent these indecent#exposures AND no way to block them without having to keep looking at the post while i block it#it's messed up man#kazzy writes#kazzy rants#kazzy fights the metagator#kazzy has opinions (rare)#and also the other authors I'm following are all (as far as i know) christians who would only ever write closed door romance if they even#WRITE romance which some of them do not even do (at least that they post about on instagram)#and yet! here we are!#kazzy rambles in the tags
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actually so low on morale.
#sami rambles#i don't think anyone without a chronic illness can understand what it's like to then get sick on top of that because like.#my flatmate who gave me this chest infection carried on with her life like it was just an annoying cough.#which i have my own issues with regarding like passing it around because she wasn't wearing a mask anywhere :/#like with my condition at least when i get sick my whole body shuts down in order to actually have enough energy to fight the bug.#but my body stops functioning the way it should#my brain slows all the way down so i can't focus on anything#so i am literally just reduced to lying in bed until i start to get better#and it's not even like i can really do work whilst lying in bed because again. brain no work!!#so im just bored and there's a thousand things i need to do but i cant focus on any of them long enough to actually do them#and even thinking about doing them feels like im thinking about taking up the mantle of sisyphus and rolling that big fucking rock#anyway. I'm going up a hill with my friends tonight to watch the fireworks and drink hot chocolate idc if it kills me
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I would never wish growing up in a hyper religious African house on my worst enemy. The cognitive dissonance is insane especially if you grow up in the West yet your family (and other African families around you) insist on clinging on to asinine “traditions” that are really just covers for abuse.
#uchiha-gaeshi overshares#like I want us to fight as equals not with you and your damaged self esteem#why is my mum calling me ‘rebellious’ for having a vibraotr when I’m fully 23???#my mum once went on a rant about me and my sister not upholding ‘traditions’#my naive ass thought she was talking about idk a secret family recipe or dance or whatever#she was talking about us doing everything she says without question#I recall VIVIDLY an almost argument I had with her when I was 14-15#asking her to lay off on pressuring me academically#because I was getting stressed and it started negatively affecting my mental health#and then she just went apeshit on me#‘ungrateful’ is their go to jerk reaction to their children acting like people#oh and my parents are one of the ‘nice’obes btw#I’ve heard wayyyy to many stories of people’s parents just beating the absolute living crap about them#for the most benign shit like having crushes or something#off topic but is it normal for parents to tell kids to be careful what they say to teachers#so that the teachers don’t call cps on the family#I remember my mum telling me a story of a dad giving his kid a black eye#then when the kid’s teacher asked him where tf he got a black eye from of course the kid told the truth#and the dad had to be tried in court or something#and this whole time my mum is telling me this story it’s like I’m supposed to feel bad for this guy#who cares for his family oh so much but whose life is ruined because of the legal protections we have in place to protect kids 😔#so much discourse abt ‘purity culture’on here but I guess many people forget that in a lot of places in the world especially outside of#the west people are NOT open about sexuality at all#when you add Christianity to the mix real weird shit happens#like why is my mum crying about the fact that I masturbate#at least in her eyes I’m not a virgin….#she literally would rather have me shotgun married to a cis man I could fuck than for me to use a vibrator….#txt#African parents
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New day new stream
#4c art#4c fanart#porygon2#silcoon#pokemon#Only one route away from having a full team of pokemon!#But I don't intend on fighting the first gym until everyone is AT LEAST level 15#because I am very scared of them dying#And I don't have any good type advantages here at the start#Especially since my only water type rn is a Magikarp#also also! I don't know how I'm supposed to use HM01 without a pokemon who can learn it currently#I might have to mildly cheat and catch an extra 'mon to be my HM learner. Cause otherwise I'm stuck
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GOATED SECOND HAND GAMES STORE FIND TODAY

!!!!!! VERY SILLY also vol 13 appears to be from the original '93 run while vol 6 is a 2021 rerelease. despite this the jackets (they have jackets??????) match which is nice. only real difference is the page yellowing, which is epic to me actually

ALSO ive seen these initial kuwabara's alive reveal panels before BUT IVE NEVER SEEN THE HORRIBLE FACE YUSUKE MAKES AFTERWARDS WAGAHAJGDHHFH


ugh i love togashi's funny face skills he's such an icon I LOVE HIS ART GAAAAAAH
also oohh you use ore AND it's in katakana what a cool badass guy you are ooohh gjdhhsjs

^^ he's being so rude here it's so funny to me. and the audacity of saying the taboo word TWICE is so good like what a shithead
#anyway im so happy twirling my hair etc#ive never seen any non-translated manga at one of these stores before and like $5?? very worth it to me#it would probably be interesting even without it being yyh but like it's not even a question if it's yyh#activated my I Need To Have It instinct#funnily enough they didn't have one of those yyh blurays they always always have (it's only ever the three kings arc one)#i think it'll be good for practice and also it means i can escape the awful awful viz media yyh translation#i will never forgive them for jeeps...#i also got a copy of t.ekken 6 bc ive been meaning to get into t.ekken and also fighting games in general#and ppl seem to really like this one. im actually gonna start on it after this#and also c.sm vol 2. yayy#also ignore the stain on my bed it's literally india ink bc i thought i tooootally wouldn't get any on my sheets bc im so skilled#and you can see how that went#also i love that any time we get yyh related stuff from that store at least one of the cashiers comments on it#beloved show/manga all the world round :)#OH i also finally found a copy of y.akuza 2. didn't end up going for it but im still keeping an eye out for the first couplea games#just bc im enough of a nerd about them that i Need to compare them to their kiwami versions someday#update i looked at the pricing stickers and noticed they have a date on them. presumably from when they were sold to the store#and it was only like a week ago!! i swooped in truly
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yana and scott having a favourite pancake place is everything to me
#ooc#yana goes at least once a week with or without him her sweet tooth can never be satiated#and if she takes u there then consider urself LUCKY#it's a favourite post fight spot she will eat SO much after exerting so much energy#scott starting to make them pancakes :(#my loves
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your fave is problematic- i have never understood the giggle when kevin is singing inutil and says his father slapped him 😭
#like ‘my father was a farmer his father was a farmer and you will be a farmer but i told him papi i’m sorry im going farther im getting on#a plane and i’m gonna change the world some day and he slapped my face’ WHY ARE WE LAUGHING AM I STUPID DO I HAVE TOO MUCH SECOND GEN TRAUMA#i was really feeling the verse of the opener that goes ‘in the heights i flip the lights to start my day there are fights and endless debts#and bills to pay in the heights i can’t survive without cafe cuz tonight seems like a million years away’#and also ‘cuz my parents came with nothing we got a little more oh sure we’re poor but yo at least we got the store’#now the whole recording is in my head lol#rani makes text posts no one will read#in the heights#i found my island i've been on it this whole time
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modding hyjinks
#so i dumped 100 or so mods onto my save including but not limited to#a mod that makes the nautiloid fights much#much harder#a mod that makes you start without items#including weapons or clothes#and a mod that lets you swap out your typical genital selection... for a strap#So here is baby durge number 2 waking up with nothing to her name and no idea of how she came to be there except-#i guess she at least knows she had a good time the previous night?#must be very awkward running into Lae'zel#and Shart#fights are awful I have died 3 times before getting to Shart with this mod
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god, wily stage 5 is rough in the original difficulty
#like i think i'm getting to the point where i can somewhat-consistently get through all the rematces on one life (and without using heat)#but that doesn't really matter when the wily machine kicks my ass anyway#i'm starting to learn how to properly dodge phase 1 (at least enough to get off two fully-charged heats) but in phase 2 i'm just helpless#also doesn't help that it takes such a long time to get back to the fight in the first place. makes it so much harder to learn#mega man#mega man 2
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I love my dnd group but there’s one payer in particular who does things sometimes and I’m like whyyyy and she hasn’t done it in a while but she made the dumbest choice tonight and I’m p sure the dm is actively trying to work out how to not kill him right now in a 100% avoidable combat and I’m like 🙃
#idk what they’re like but we are SO resource drained rn#I have literally no spell slots left#and only 1 use of inspiration and 1 hit dice left#and she went and picked a fight with an otherwise neutral npc#with all his npc buddies#in a hostile environment#literally just because he was kinda rude to the character??#she didn’t even need to go talk to them in the first place#ik im playing a super impulsive charqcter who also does dumb shit frequently#but at least I tone it down to be like this is going to get my character killed ? bc then maybe I’ll find a way to balance it#and the rly annoying thing is that he’s now unconscious and the rest of us in character didn’t see what happened#so now we’re like well I guess we’re responding without knowing he fucking STARTED it for no reason#and none of it needed to happen they were friendly/non hostile 😭
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