#at least ted seemed kinda nice a bit even if he was a bit stupid and weird but saul? my god

[mcwexlie]

why is there not enough discussion on saul and skyler’s relationship… they should’ve interacted more in canon but like. think abt it

skyler is this competent blonde woman who’s extremely smart and good at scamming (and pretty! and associated with blue!) and she has the biggest dipshit husband ever.

saul who is oh so desperately trying to keep his unloving sleazeball act up is failing bc. my God does this woman remind him of kim in the saddest way possible (ntm they start interacting more post gale death, when shit i’d argue really starts falling apart… Hmmm). he still acts like a dick to her but… in a protective way i feel. like he doesn’t want her to be nice to him or get close to him but still showing he has her back in his own fucked up way

and saul being soooo pissed that walt bagged this perfect woman and he’s still being a disrespectful shit like saul might be misogyny queen but even he was weirded tf out w walt…

[ectoplasmicbaloney]

LIVE BLOGGING CHUCKLESANDWHICH EP. 54 (spoilers for that episode)

guys i’m so fucking sad holyshit

HES NOT THE MEAT ANYMORE???!?? STFU IM GOSJJDJSJFJQIA

WHY ARE THEY BREAKING IT TO US LIKE PARENTS JO ITS SO GEAVY

dude i love charlie slimecicle for real he’s such a key member of the podcast :(

goobey sons :,)

FOR A WHILE :( oh man

Oh man he’s doing so much :( oh god, time and mental space

that is a good way to put it :(

it’s good he’s prioritising his mental health and just, gah, man.

they played dayz lol and they were having a good time i really wanna see a like, chuckle sandwhich gaming thing WHICH SLIME as a guest i guess :(

i don’t even know how schlatt has moved 5 times and is still making content man

charlie and his guinea pigs is so cute :) and the way he talks about them is really endearing

the energy in this episode is just like: im smiling but im basically just like, tears!! TEARS!!

i need to buy from slimestory and just roll with it

HES GONNA DO CHUCKLE DUNGEONS!!!

yo mamas??!!?!! (sorry)

my mommy is needy??! SHE NEEDS THE MEAT??!!

dad deli? :(

just roll with it is super fun, i’ve listened to it for a while and just… man

don’t hate on me for this, but schlatt seems like a genuinely great friend tbh, the stuff he’s saying ti charlie is really nice and cool

TED IM TEARING UP TOO MAN

who are they gonna replace him with? i don’t want to think of the new person as a replacement but honestly it’s gonna be kinda hard to not, for a while at least, cause of how charlie IS the meat so…

it’s all sad chuckles rn :,|

schlatt’s fake crying lol

charlie is a wonderful boy, a great guy too, really passionate, he’s cool :)

NON-NEWTONIAN FLUIDS!!!!! - my favourite state

NOOOO NOT THE FUCKING COFFIN

he’s so good at lifting the mood :>

they’re using past tense god it’s like a celebrity’s wiki page after they die

schlatt being genuine is so weird but it’s really nice “charlie is an actual saint walking among men. i cannot think of one negative thing to say about you.” damn bro :,)

IM LEAKING?? Ted??

the fallout :,(

im glad there’s no drama, they’re great friends :)

i’m really excited for more chuckle dungeon

NO NOW ITS JUST THE BIGOT AND THE RABID CHILD (jokes)

but their dynamic is so balanced and really nice, they bounce off of each other so well and the convos just go so smoothly! the next person is gonna be great for sure, but charlie’s energy and personality is hard to find and or replicate. i do hope the next person doesn’t try to replicate him though, it’s best to be natural :)

the chaotic evil/neu/good thing is so true lol

WAIT THERES NO ONE JTS JUST THEM TOO THAT SEEMS SO LONELY LIKE THERES A GAPING HOLE??!?

maybe it’s better for it to not be filled? idk :(

enough to last a year if you watch one every week :(

CHUCKLE DUNGEON IS SO COOL HONESTLY!!! chuckle dungeon is such a cool fucking thing and they all really get into it and show ernest interest it’s so :)

yeah he wrote it out, i was looking at the laptop trying to decipher what it was saying lol

me and ted both are a dungeon masters worst nightmare, my last dm hated me, and to be honest it was fair i was very annoying.

“that ted thing” lol… i probably do that

“i was thinking ‘he’s a misogynist, that’s probably a highly misogynistic thing to do, cut a woman’s head off’” that is exactly my line of thinking, just going straight to the extreme traits of the character cause subtly? grace? nuance? don’t know her

“there has not been a single chuckle dungeon without a sexist or racist” LMAO (until schlatt’s off the podcast there will never be one (jokes lol))

a creepo?

the goopey elevator 💀 i think he meant the tomato lol

charlie is an amazing dm

“racial aspects of dnd” bro 0_0

“so you wanna take my spot?” LMAO SCHLATT

THE EUGENICS??

god how bad was the smoke lmao

oh wow really bad

WOAH 9/11 JOKE THATS SO EDGY?!!?

oh my god he thought 9/11 was 2011, his brain goes so fast why did he consider 1988 and think it was stupid cause he was a baby???

everybody was shocked, even me man

THICK WATER

ah yes the best bit

ouh a flashback

the freddy wong episode was so good honestly

unlimited bacon or no video games, I REMEMBER CHARLIE’S EXPRESSION HE WAS ACTUALLY LIKE LOOSING IT

LITTLE SHOBOS

chulk me out chulk man 😟

LWT HIM TELL US WHERE IT COMES FROM STOP PRETENDING TO BE FINANCE BROS PLS

me too ted nivison i want to keep something going

ME TOO TED NIVISON I SUCK AT POKER FACE

dude seeing schlatt so genuinely excited about machinima respawn and boruff and the spider is nice cause he’s such a big fan dude, look at him go!

he ate a termite •_•

i just noticed charlie’s salt rock lamp lol

adventure awaits, i guess

coconuts know when to grow when the water stops moving?? interesting

the cocoknow 😨

“it’s the minerals” sir is saying words

charlie’s humour is really refreshing and i love his storytelling content, especially like the dnd esk adventures and stuff :)

PEANUT BUTTER?

termites taste like lemon, interesting

DADDY’S HUNGRY????

popped em in, crunched em, got the zest and boom

wait are there termites in my house

guys i just confirmed i have a termite infestation in my house LOL i just thought they were funky looking ants with weird white butts but nope! they live in our big ass wooden table

WHAT MY FAMILY CALLS “indonesian flies” ARE ACTUALLY FLYING TERMITES WHAT THE FUCK NO WONDER THEY’RE LIVING IN OUR TABLE

ok back to the video

i’m sorry, his BOAT SANK? BECAUSE OF A GIANT FUCKING SALTWATER CROCODILE???

“get in… gringos” LOL

idk about cilantro tbh

nice fact ted

why does he have an nft painting??? it’s… it’s FUNGIBLE? Tommyinnit bought it for him 💀

do people not have items around them at all time? heavycube

big block of tungsten

HE HAS A ROCK THAT HE DREW TO LOOK LIKE A HEDGEHOD

and ted has two lint rollers!

OHHH THOSE ARE THE GAMER FINGERLESS GLOVES!

HE HAS THE MACHINIMA MIC GUARD!!

boruff gardening is really cute lol :) he’s growing lettuce and tomatoes 😭😭

oh ok future plans:

ok there’s a hiatus coming soon :( understandable

i must buy from slimestory the products are actually cool and interesting to me!!!

GILLION TIDESTRIDER??!? i will watch let’s roll with it again

NEXT WEEK IS IRL JUSTROLLWITHITWEEK

charlie’s not getting replaced :)) and charlie may just come in occasionally:,)

NOT THE EMPTY ROOM

charlie cam dear lord

He got a gift :DD

love you to death charlie :)) but not in a parasocial way dear lord ok nvm

“keep chulking, you’re da bomb.com”

WAIT THEY DID OEKSK

LMAO OK why are they switching to different POVS LOL

LOL THE FINAL SHOT

END:

ok so that was it :,)

Charlie is such a cool guy, i’ve been watching his stuff for like 5 years now and he always makes enjoyable and amazing videos and he just seems like a generally awesome person. i’ll miss his puns and energy on the podcast, but i’m glad he’s taking care of himself and i hope he feels less stressed out after this :) Can’t wait to see what he does next and i’m excited for more episodes of the podcast!!

end

[shes-coming-clean]

Green Day Documentary Reviews Pt 2

The last one of these seemed to make people happy, and because my brain refuses to think about anything but this band right now, might as well do something productive with that. So here is part 2!

Today’s doc: Green Day: Born To Be (2016)

I decided to get this one over with because I didn’t remember liking it the first time, and wow, it’s even worse than I remember. So this review is going to be a lot more negative overall because oof this one pisses me off. Honestly, one of its strongest qualities is that its only 24 minutes, so at least you don’t have to suffer too long.

Pros

* It focuses on their lives from childhood up through American Idiot and includes a decent amount of detail.

* They don’t have any present day interviews recorded specifically for this documentary, which means they have to get really creative piecing old interviews together to tell a coherent story. And they do that well...about half the time (more on that later)

* There are Portuguese subtitles so that’s nice. We love accessibility in this house

* There is a mention of Two Dollar Bill! Love to see it. Unfortunately, they get the nickname wrong and call him Two Dollar Billie (How do you miss the play on words there?) but still, it’s a nice detail to include

* They actually discuss Billie and Mike’s childhoods in some detail. Tré does not get the same treatment but A for effort - 2 out of 3 aint bad.

And that’s it for pros. On to the cons. We’ll focus on the nitpicky stuff first

* This video only has audio in one ear if you’re using headphones, which is kinda unusual for this channel, so I wonder if there was some kind of mistake uploading it.

* They only seem to have footage from the Dookie era and onward so when they talk about stuff before that, they either use a mix of a couple of old photos of the band, generic stock footage, or more modern video clips. I understand that you have to work with what you have, but this is kind of distracting when you’re hearing the narrator talk about their informal audition for Lookout Records, but you’re hearing and seeing the Good Riddance music video. Like, I’d give it a pass if the song at least commented on or shared an emotion with that part of the story but it just feels random. They really don’t seem to have put too much thought into when they use certain clips, so the performances on screen aren’t always from the time period they’re taking about - even later on in the story. This, and the lack of a clear structure can make it hard to tell what year/era they’re talking about at any given moment.

* They have to rely on past interviews to do a lot of the story telling, but once again, they don’t always care too much about time period and will clip sections out of context. For example, they take a clip of Billie from roughly ‘95 talking about how the last few years have been crazy, and make it about their career downturn in the early 2000s, even though you can CLEARLY see he’s younger than in the other clips.

* There is a narrator who fills in the parts of the story not conveyed in clips which is a good choice...except that he’s really annoying. I can’t tell if it’s his voice or the script he’s been given, but either way, it’s not great.

* The narrator says that all three band members divorced or separated from their wives in the late 90s/early 2000s, except...that didn’t happen. Billie and Adrienne had a rough point, sure, but they didn’t separate or divorce.

So far, most of my critiques have not been massive. I still probably could’ve enjoyed a doc at least a bit even if it had those problems, a lot of which seem to be due to a lack of resources and having to make do with what they had. I can understand that. The same does not hold true for this next part, which is, how they framed the band’s jump to a major label and the years that followed.

Every band, actor, or public figure of any kind will usually have some kind of signature question or complaint that everyone either levies against them or debates. Green Day’s is basically “are they real punks or are they sellouts?” At this point, I think this question is pretty stupid and I have a lot of problems with the mindset behind it (I think it has a lot to do with classism and sexism, but that’s for another time), but it’s part of the band’s public persona at this point, so any documentary has to at least touch on it. Most docs tend to frame the backlash against the band after they sighed with Reprise as the petty complaints of jealous gatekeepers who were pissed that the band was inviting normies into their punk club. Basically, there was nothing Green Day could’ve done about it - it was going to happen either way.

But this doc takes it for granted that Green Day absolutely sold out, and not just that, they fundamentally changed and stopped being punk. Which, like, are we listening to the same album? The only real difference between Kerplunk (released before they signed with a major label) and Dookie (their major label debut) is that the second had an actual budget. The sound and subject matter is very very similar. They were never super “hard core” to begin with - in fact, it was their catchy melodies that made them stand out. Nothing in their style changed. Honestly, I would argue that Dookie has a lot more songs about being angry and punk than Kerplunk does. The only difference is its higher production quality. So, when this doc says things like they “lost their hard fought identity” I honestly don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. And this isn’t just me being a fan. The doc says they changed, it says they stopped being punk, but it doesn’t offer any evidence to substantiate that claim. We’re just supposed to hear the ominous music and the out-of-context clips (which were mostly self-deprecating jokes) and believe it.

When they do provide details, most of them are wrong, or at very least, misleading. For example, they claim that the backlash only happened after the band released the second and third singles off of Dookie, “Basket Case” and “When I Come Around” respectively. It claims that the first single, “Longview” was punk enough to make fans happy while the other songs weren’t, which...ok - I just don’t think you can claim “Longview” is any more punk than the other songs. Honestly, it’s kind of a departure from their normal sound into a more jazzy style. I don’t think you can argue that it’s any more punk than “Basket Case” unless you’re claiming that singing about masturbation makes something inherently punk. Like, what are we even defining as “punk” at this point? Also, the backlash started long LONG before any song off the album had ever been released. It started as soon as they signed with Reprise, so claiming it was because people didn’t like the music is just dishonest.

Overall, I really feel like this doc has a very strange tone, especially for a piece of media supposedly promoting their newest album (Revolution Radio). It pays lip service to how great and accomplished the band is, but takes every opportunity to trash them. Because it goes so hard on the “they sold out” narrative, it implies that the success of American Idiot is just because they got lucky that people liked the product of their lack of artistic integrity. I am more than ok with criticizing a band - even one I like, and I don’t mind when a doc does try to do more than just praise Green Day, but those criticisms have to be backed up. And the whole question of “selling out” is just so so stupid at this point. This doc came out in 2016 - was the most pressing issue that year really whether or not a band stopped being punk 25 years ago? 

So, thanks for coming to my ted talk. I hope you liked it and if there’s any other Green Day docs you want me to review next, please let me know. These have been a lot of fun to write and I’m so happy that people seem to like it.

[hatsukeii]

hey! could i request boyfriend! sousuke, makoto and rin headcanons? 💕 thank you!

yusyusyusyusyusssss

lmao I’m straight binging free rn deadass alr done w s2 and it’s been like 2 days 

Sorry but Rin>>>>>>>>>>

Anyways onto the headcanons!!

All gender neutral btw:33

*Gifs are not mine:>

🌊Yamazaki Sosuke🌊

- Yikes I feel really bad for not liking him until the end of season two-

- But anyways,

- Sosuke is um... kinda dense I feel like. 

- Like he doesn’t really catch up on cues.

- The two of you could be out and there would be these girls staring at him.

- He would literally pay no mind and get confused when you start pulling him away.

- “(Y/n)? I thought you wanted to go into that store?”

- “Sosuke those girls are staring, we can come back later.”

- “Huh? So they’re staring, what’s the deal?”

- “Sosuke wha???”

- Yeah, that. 

- But don’t worry, he has eyes for you and YOU ONLY!!

- Lmao I feel like he’s popular with girls but he’ll just turn them down straight up.

- “Sorry, I’m not interested, and I already have a partner.”

- Yike feelsbadman.

- Okay aside from all that, Sosuke is honestly an AMAZING BOYFRIEND LJAHDAWHD-

- He’s very stoic in public, kinda harsh, but he has that one soft spot for you.

- Extra soft spot.

- With you he’s super caring, very sweet, protective, just sjkhncef yes.

- Definitely gets jealous sometimes when you’re getting too touchy feely with another guy.

- God forbid you to hug a guy in front of him.

- He isn’t one to boast or show you off, he’s very lowkey with the relationship.

- Not much PDA, maybe a little bit of hand holding or finger linking but that’s about it.

- When the first years found out you two were dating let me tell you they were shook.

- Momotarou was very, very jealous, to say the least.

- Probably didn’t get intimate until like months into the relationship.

- And no I don’t mean intimate as in sex but like kissing or sth like that.

- It took him some time to warm up to the idea of just a relationship, but kissing? Even longer.

- He had this mindset where it was like oh if I kiss her then I’ll start drifting out of focus and I’ll forget about swimming and then my dream is going to be out of reach and-

- Yeah, he still kissed you so...

- When he found out about his shoulder you were the first one he turned to.

- He couldn’t let other people find out, but he trusted you.

- Awww he was devastated.

- He definitely didn’t cry for hours.

- And he definitely didn’t make your shirt wet from crying.

- And he absolutely did not refuse to let go of you at night when the two of you were about to sleep.

- Great boyfriend material, 9/10 would recommend bc of the obliviousness.

🐢Makoto Tachibana🐢

- He’s the man.

- Like THE MAN.

- You’ve reached the top of the list.

- God DAMN HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOYFRIEND.

- He’s genuinely caring, understandig, a tiny bit awkward, super sweet, if husbando material was a person, this would be it.

- He likes PDA definitely, but not like extreme PDA.

- Hand holding, maybe an arm around your waist, occasional peck on the cheek in public, about that.

- Not one to show you off but wouldn’t mind doing that if anyone asked about it.

- “Yeah, I do have an amazing partner, thanks for asking.”

- Likes it when you play w his hair!!

- He’s just so supportive of everything you do oh god.

- You like gaming? Hell yeah, he’s cheering you on. You’re an artist? Draw him like one of your French boys. You’re a dancer? Hypes you up when you’re busting it down.

- Awww and he’s such a dork too!!

- If you guys have a movie night, pick a horror movie.

- Baby is so scared of the paranormal that he’ll be clinging to you throughout the entire thing.

- “Mako, it really isn’t that scary-”

- “We’re moving out if this apartment is cursed.”

- “Mako you don’t even live here yet.”

- Jumps so hard at jumpscares and just shoves his head into your neck even further.

- It’s like an extra cuddle session.

- Except you’re laughing your ass off and he’s so scared that his soul probably left his body.

- Very soft spoken, and he hates to argue.

- I mean if you guys fight you’d usually just feel bad and apologise first.

- *cough because he usually never picks the fights.

- Lots of bear hugs and cuddles!!

- Is the big spoon, will forever be the big spoon.

- Okay he tries to cook he really does.

- But he’s so clumsy oh god.

- Usually results in the food being weirdly sweet, or an entire bag of cheese accidentally dumped onto the floor.

- Thank god he hasn’t burned the apartment down yet.

- Just help him cook man he can’t do it himself.

- Good at pretty much everything else though.

- Actually enjoys doing domestic stuff.

- I feel like some of the swim club members were jealous of you-

- Okay maybe not jealous but definitely envious.

- Honestly it seems like they would happily take your place and date Makoto but can you really blame them??

- Overall 10/10 because he seriously tried to sell your apartment on eBay once after a horror movie.

🦈Rin Matsuoka🦈

- Oh god where do I even start.

- ROMANTIC.

- SUCH A CLASSIC ROMANTIC.

- THAT SHIT IS LITERALLY CANON AND I LIVE FOR IT.

- Definitely PDA.

- Will kiss you in front of people just to piss them off.

- Shows you off ALL THE TIME.

- “Oh you can cook? Well so can my partner.”

- “Oh you need help with maths? My partner’s amazing at it gimme a second lemme call them.”

- Lmao it kinda annoys the swim club.

- “Rin senpai, we know you’re not single, you don’t have to rub it in...” ~Momotarou

- Does he care? No.

- Cheeky little shit, I love him-

- Will get jealous very, very easily.

- “Babe, that dude was looking at you weird, can we leave and come back?”

- “Awww is my baby Rin jealous~?”

- “Shut up:)”

- Will not hesitate to fight anyone that hurts you.

- Takes you on the cheesiest dates.

- Beaches, stargazing, nice restaurant, libraries, anything that he’s seen in those old romance movies.

- And he’s such a gentleman when it comes down to it too.

- Holds the door open, gives you piggyback rides if you’re tired, literally kisses the back of your hand before every date, you name it.

- Oh my god I’m so in love w this cheesy awkward dork-

- He’s got a lotta shit bottled up so do expect him to get moody at times.

- Nothing a good cry and cuddle session can’t fix though.

- Likes to feel you curled up against his chest while he plays with your hair.

- Presses your head closer so you can feel his heartbeat just like those kdramas portray it it’s not like he watches them or anything-

- If he’s crying then you’re gonna have to do the cuddling.

- Do the same to him as he does for you when the two of you cuddle.

- Except also stroke his hair and tell him everything’s gonna be okay.

- He needs someone to show that they care thanks for coming to my ted talk.

- When you’re upset he’ll probably start crying too.

- He can’t stand to see someone he cares about upset.

- Hypes you up whenever he gets the chance.

- Will do stupid shit just to see you smile.

- He’s actually very emotional and sensitive, so please take care of him.

- The dynamics in the relationship though like wow they’re insanely good.

- The two of you are just straight vibing.

- Overall 11/10 because I’m clearly biased😌💅.

[irkenheretic]

A Found Family AU With The Control Brains Could Actually Work, And Here’s Why

This all started as a spite-born joke, but honestly the more that I thought about it, the better it sounded to me. 

First off, this meta is gonna be going purely off canon materials. I will interpret certain lines to mean certain things, but there’ll be an alternate explanation if you don’t agree with that interpretation. 

Second, this meta is going to assume that the Control Brains are three- or more- separate entities. Which is actually supported because of this line:

Singular pronoun! 

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m gonna be judging this by a three-part metric, and going into what we actually know (and don’t know) about the Control Brains. (Spoilers: We don’t know much, and the most popular idea of their role in the Empire is pure fanon.)

Metric one is Do these characters like each other? (And if not, could these characters realistically like each other in the future?)

And judging by The Trial, I’d say... yes, actually! They seem to get along just fine. First off, they’re able to cooperate enough to conduct trial without fighting. Second, they don’t seem to be putting up with each other and act on amicable terms.

YMMV, but I see these lines as them quipping with each other. It’s kinda subtle, and lost in the fact that they both speak in monotone, but they seem kinda snarky in the same way Zim’s computer is. 

(And if they were annoyed by each other, we’d know- the Brains are capable of expressing emotions like annoyance, we see them get ticked off at Zim multiple times.)

And even if they didn’t like each other, or are only presenting as friendly to keep public image up, they could still feasibly like each other. The main appeal of ZADR/ZADF is that both Zim and Dib dislike each other but are in similar societal positions, with unique experiences that only the other can relate to. Therefore they could learn to connect using that shared experience. And whatever experience the Control Brains have being Control Brains, the only other beings that share that experience are other Brains. They’d end up getting along out of sheer desperation, at some point. You can’t spend eternity with someone and not like them at least a little eventually.

Which brings us to metric two: Do these characters deserve a family at all?

Again, I actually would argue yes. Hear me out.

So, it’s a popular (albeit unspoken) opinion in fandom that “good” characters deserve nice things like a family, and “bad” characters don’t. If you’re a fan of redemption arcs, the scope of what is a “good” character broadens, but there are still some characters even the most open-hearted of redemption-lovers won’t touch. The Control Brains, across the board, seem to fall into the latter category every single time. 

But what have they actually done wrong? Like, canonically.

In The Trial, they conduct Zim’s Existence Evaluation. This is their job and we can infer they’ve done it before.

In The Frycook What Came From All That Space, we see one of them re-encode Zim from Invader to Frycook. 

In Tak: The Hideous New Girl, one of them doesn’t let Tak retake her test.

And that’s it.

“But they rule the entire Empire-” Nope, that’s just fanon!

“But the Zim Wiki says-” In the words of Eric Trueheart, "The Invader ZIM fandom wiki is a wonderful labor of love by some very dedicated people, but it's wrong at least 25% of the time."

But fine. Let’s look at exactly what the Zim Wiki says. From the page of the Control Brains themselves, it says that the “Control Brains run the empire and their conclusions even have to be accepted by the Tallest, which means that the Tallest have no real authority over the people of Irk, and are simply figureheads (not unlike a constitutional monarchy).”

But when do we see this? Well, during the end of The Trial, the Tallest have no power to overturn their ruling. 

But do you know what that sounds like?

A FUCKING JUDGE.

If the President goes on trial, he still has to defer to the judge. That doesn’t mean that the judge is secretly in control of America and that the President is just a puppet on strings. It just means that the judge is doing his job and the President isn’t running around completely unchecked. (Please refrain from making the obvious President jokes on this post. I get it, I hate him too, but... please lemme have this post.)

There is no real evidence in the show proper to suggest that the Control Brains are all-powerful tyrants and that the Tallest are at their mercy.

And, really, would you talk like that to someone that held your life in their cold, unfeeling robot arms?

So, bottom line is, the Control Brains in the show act like judge, jury, and executioner in trials. That’s it, that’s all they do. Just because they’re called the Control Brains doesn’t mean they control everything. They could just control the trials. “Controller” could be the Irken word for “Judge,” and that’s where the name was derived from. Mechanical judges. 

“But they’re still defending awful things!” Okay, I see your point there, random person I made up to argue with on my meta post.

Which begs the question: Why? Why are the Brains acting like that? 

Well, they’re computers, right? Computers built to serve a purpose, and their purpose is this. That’s it, right? But they’re sentient. If they didn’t like it, they could protest! The fact that they don’t protest makes them complicit, and Bad Characters, right?

Guys... they’re computers.

What do you do to a computer that stops working the way you want it to?

We don’t know what the Brains think about their job. They could love it, they could hate it, they could see it as a necessary evil, they could be completely apathetic after centuries of doing it (if they’re even that old, which again, is not confirmed.)

But IF they didn’t like it... the hell are they supposed to do about it? They’re important pieces of machinery, possibly swarmed by techs ready to correct any sign of them not working right. They could have some sort of programmed-in limitation to keep them obedient. They could’ve tried, with disastrous results. They’re not like Zim. They can’t just quit. They’re computers rooted in place, closely watched for defects, and they have nowhere to go.

(And even if they did leave, who would take them in? Where could they go? Even if they downloaded themselves into PAKs or into robot bodies, the adjustment period from being a giant invulnerable heavily guarded computer to something that needs to actually fend for itself would be maddening and possibly dangerous.)

And honestly? I love Zim to bits, but he did wreck the planet and he did deserve exile. They’re just carrying out the sentence. He did cause many many disasters in Irk’s history. Plus, the Tallest were the ones that trialed him in the first place, but they have fans!

The worst thing they’ve done, unprovoked, is not let Tak retake her test. Or, more specifically, they made her wait to retake the test. We don’t even know why! Did they go “You couldn’t even get out of a room so we don’t want to send you to an enemy planet?” Did they go “You have to wait because half of Devastis is down and we’re working on half-power and half the space?” We don’t know! We literally do not know! (Plus that was only one of them.)

And I’m gonna say it: if Zib “I’m going to strand and brainwash Zims in order to commit multidimensional genocide” Membrane deserves a family, then so do the Control Brains because at least they didn’t do THAT in ACTUAL CANON.

There’s no good transition to metric three, so I’m just gonna say it: Do these characters want a family?

This part is short: We don’t know. 

They could think the idea of a family is stupid and antiquated. They could not know what a family is at all. They could want a family. They could see the entire Empire as their family. They could already see each other as a family. 

We don’t know! The concept of a family never comes up during their appearances, so we have no way to know their thoughts on the subject.

Good thing fandom is transformative and we can make headcanons n’junk! (And really, who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned “character/characters don’t want a family and are gruff and standoffish but over time warm up to the others and they end up super close” found family story?)

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that. Also that the Control Brains are pretty funny characters in The Trial. 

I just like these guys a lot and I wish other people explored them more outside of the “these are the token evil badguys” role they fill every. Single. TIME.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. 

[daisylincs]

It's time to see what I can do! To test the limits and break through// no right no wrong no rules for meee// I'm freeeeeeeeee (and i was glad lincoln died)

*silence*

*utter, shocked silence*

Well, Birdie, I only have one thing to say to you --

Why Lincoln Campbell Shouldn't Have Died: A Small Essay By Lily [Redacted]

#1. It’s Lazy. There was all this fuss about how “heart-breaking” Lincoln’s death was, and how it was the most shocking choice, and I’m just like... really? Was it? Because frustrating as it is to me, it’s true that Lincoln didn’t have any significant relationships on the show aside from his with Daisy, and he also didn’t have the time/the writers didn’t invest the time to make him a character the audience could become really close to. 

And I don’t see how that’s a shocking choice at all? That’s just taking the easy way out of things. If they had really wanted to make a heart-breaking death, it would have been so much worse to choose literally anyone of the OG team.

Or, heaven forbid, not to make anyone die at all!! (Yes, I hate the Fallen Agent arc. Yes, that’s a conversation for another day.) But think about it: it would have been way more original, way more shocking, to have Lincoln not die, or find a super original/Fitzsimmons-esque way to get past the vision. It could’ve been way more shocking and ultimately satisfying if the whole team had worked together to avoid someone dying, and succeeded in avoiding that. It would have made excellent bonding.

And it wouldn’t have been lazy, because Lincoln staying alive would force him and Daisy to have some tough conversations, i.e. Hive and SHIELD and what’s next. It would also have meant an equal amount of tricky conversations with the rest of the team - especially surrounding the whole Hive debacle and methods used during it (*coughs in murder vests*). It would’ve actually been much harder than just having Lincoln die... and isn’t that what good storytelling is supposed to do? Make the harder choice for an ultimately far more satisfying resolution? 

Because choosing Lincoln to die makes it feel like that was his only purpose on the show, and I can’t help but rage against that. I know that’s how a lot of people actually do see Lincoln, and it just makes me so furious, because that’s actually such a disservice to his character?? He was so much more than just Daisy’s doomed boyfriend, and he could have been even more. Which brings me to my next point - 

#2. Wasted Opportunities. I’ll always believe that one of the biggest missed opportunities on the show was that we never got to see Lincoln properly bond with anyone on the team - it was like the writers started, but then decided he was going to die, and then went all, oh, RIP that. Which, honestly, is stupid - because they created this amazing character that had so much potential, and then decided to drop it just like that. 

And I mean, dammit!! Aside from Daisy, Lincoln had prime opportunities to bond with at least five other characters on the team - May, Coulson, Jemma, Fitz, and Mack, and that’s not even starting on the other Secret Warriors. 

He had a little bit of bonding with May when Lash/Andrew was still a thing - but then, whoops-a-daisy, unequivocally dropped. And like... Lincoln and May could’ve been such a good friendship?? Imagine May initially terrifying the living daylights out of Lincoln, but slowly seeing that he’s not actually that different to Daisy, and he makes her happy? And maybe inviting him to t’ai chi with her, to help control her powers? And him in turn helping give her some closure over Katya Belyakov/telling her that she really did make the only choice? They could’ve developed a mother/son bond just as beautiful as Daisy’s, if AoS had only tried. 

Then there’s Coulson. Daisy’s (basically) dad. We got to see a little bit of this, especially in the 3x14-15 era, but I would have loved to see even more of Coulson not-so-subtly threatening Lincoln, but grudgingly coming to accept him as a good agent (and, though he’d never admit it, kinda liking the guy.) Ugh, it could have been so funny and GOOD!!

Fitz and Jemma, to do them in a package deal, could also have been a GREAT BroTP with Lincoln if they had only actually developed it. I would have loved to see a) FitzSimmons initially distrusting Lincoln and being like “if you hurt Daisy...” and then eventually growing to bond with him over science and, well, adoring Daisy, b) a Lincoln-and-Simmons-specific friendship starting after Maveth, for example, Jemma can’t really be around her friends because they keep pitying her and trying to help and she doesn’t want that, so here’s someone new who’s nice and can also distract her with a common interest, and finally c) Lincoln and Fitz bonding over, oh, Daisy, and being ridiculously in love. Just. C’mon. It could’ve been WONDERFUL - and, just think about it, the picture of a Fitzsimmons-and-Lincoln triple alliance out-science-ing Daisy. FAB.

And Mack!! Someone who’s basically Daisy’s older brother, and, I do believe, another one for the Don’t-Hurt-Daisy pile. But Mack’s also very just, and an excellent judge of character, plus he was literally listening in on their first kiss, lmfao. So I think he’d be that “ugh AGAIN you two stop *eye roll*” big brother, but secretly be very happy for them. (I would’ve LOVED to see it, ahhhh.)

Then, of course, the Secret Warriors!! If anyone would listen, I could R A G E for days about how we only had one episode with the Secret Warriors, and that only barely before it all blew apart. But what snippets we had in that one episode!! Lincoln comforting Joey when he gets stressed before a mission. That’s canon. Now imagine Lincoln learning Spanish for both him and Elena (and so the three of them can fuck with Daisy.) And him encouraging them to follow Spanish traditions, because he picked up a lot of “traditions are important” culture from Afterlife. And, of course, them all going to Pride together to support Joey...

My point is just, there is so much MORE AoS could have done with Lincoln’s character, but especially his bonds with the other main cast. Instead of highlighting his relationship with Daisy, I would��ve preferred a lot more focus on his bonds with the rest of the gang. Because, most simply put, he’s a nice guy and loves Daisy - but that’s not all he is, and also, that love for Daisy would mean he WOULD go out of his way to bond with her family. (Point made.)

#3. It Conflicts With The S5 Time Paradox. During the Fallen Agent arc, all we’re hearing about is how time is fixed, and a death is inevitable. And then in season 5, we have the same thing with the time loop... except, they manage to break it then. We’re literally told, “there are many different futures.” And, cool. But, uh... that’s exactly what you guys didn’t say in season 3!!

Because someone saw a death, a death had to happen. My question is just: if the loop could have been broken in s5, why couldn’t the death have been avoided in s3?? It wouldn’t even have been that hard to make it still fit with the vision - Daisy can quake the controls to destroy them, then Lincoln pulls her out of the quinjet, but she leaves the jacket behind. Hive dies, but no-one else - and the best part is, that even still fulfils the original vision, because someone did die. Hive. Click boom.

And if I can figure that out, then, come on, surely AoS could have done so much better!! It just... really frustrates me, hrrrg.

#4. It Becomes A Plot Point To Hurt Daisy. We all like to joke about how much AoS hurts Daisy, but... this is extreme?? Like?? She only just went through probably the biggest trauma of her life, being freaking possessed, and now you want to make her lose someone she loves too? Cruel. 

The only real reason the Fallen Agent arc ever existed was, let’s be real, to force Daisy into that spiral of hurt and depression. And, like... she already had more than enough trauma just from Hive. Nobody would have blamed her for running away then - in fact, how very Daisy it would have been, leaving before she could hurt anyone else she loved.

And then, of course, we could have had Lincoln and the team working together to find her and bring her back, and, heyo, bonding!! It could also have been such a good point for Staticquake’s relationship, what with Lincoln helping Daisy recover after depression/withdrawal, because who better suited, and Daisy slowly forgiving herself and them becoming that much more of a deeply caring, solid ship.

So in short - though, 🙈🙈🙈, I suppose I should really say in long, because it would seem I am incapable of doing anything in a short fashion - I don't think anyone should be "glad" about Lincoln's death. If anything, we should all be FURIOUS, and super frustrated, because if he had only lived, there could have been so many excellent storylines, both bonding-wise and regarding THE ACTUAL PLOT (his powers could have been SO HELPFUL, just, argh). Lincoln Campbell should not have died, and I will stand by that till the day I die.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[hunnywrites]

Arcade Dreams: Chapter Fourteen

Summary: There’s a new girl working at the Palace Arcade and Hawkins’ Family Video. Billy can’t stand her, and the feeling is mutual. No matter what everyone else seems to think.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

A/N: Alright so it turns out writing about Billy having feelings other than angst is pretty tough. But you know, we’re finally making progress on the romance front. Enjoy!

Teddi ended up chickening out over calling about the apartment. It had been about a week or so since Hopper had come into the video store, and the idea of living off on her own was still constantly on her mind. If only she could just make herself call. Instead she could only trace the phone number that she had written on the back of one of her notebooks. She hadn’t brought it up with Billy either. He would’ve been supportive of the idea, Teddi knew he would. She didn’t have any siblings to worry about like he did. No strings tying her to her family. And she could already practically hear him joking about her apartment being the new party spot. Like she’d let that happen. But there was this part of her that worried that he might think the whole thing was stupid. That he might tell her she was running from her problems or being a baby. So for now she would keep it to herself. 

Now Teddi was in the library during her free period, mindlessly tracing that same phone number as she chewed on her lip. Initially she’d decided to use her free period to finish up on some homework before she had to go to work, but her mind was much, much too busy to focus on any math homework she had. In fact, she was so spaced out that she didn’t even notice that someone was walking up behind her. 

“What’s that?” Teddi jumped at the sound of Steve’s voice. 

She held a hand to her chest, glaring up at him as he pulled the seat across from her out and plopped down. “It’s nothing.” she said a little too quickly. 

Steve raised an eyebrow. “...That definitely doesn’t sound suspicious,” he grinned. “Come on, Ted. It’s me, Steve, you can tell me. You got a boyfriend you’re keeping a secret or something?” 

Teddi rolled her eyes. “Nothing so scandalous,” she joked. She supposed there was no real harm in telling Steve. He was a much more impartial party compared to Billy. “...You know that apartment building you told me about at the New Year’s party? The one out by the steel mill? I’ve kinda been thinking of moving there. Like getting out on my own and all.” she eyed Steve nervously while she waited for his reaction.

“Pfft, I sure wish I could move out,” was all he said. “My old man’s constantly down my neck about what I’m gonna do after school. Like I’m supposed to have any idea.” he scoffed. 

Teddi let out a small breath of relief and smiled. “You don’t have any colleges lined up?”

“Uh, well I was trying to pick out a few to apply to...but then I couldn’t really decide on any...and then I kinda missed all the deadlines to apply,” he nodded, flashing a sheepish grin. “What about you? I mean, you’ve gotta have schools trying to kick down your door, right?”

College. That was another subject that Teddi wanted to avoid. She’d been busting her ass working two jobs and making sure her grades were nothing short of amazing so that she could make sure to get into a good school...but there wasn’t really anything she dreaded more. And she was completely aware that it didn’t make a lick of sense. “Well, actually I got into NYU which was like...my dream school...but I don’t really know if I’m gonna go if I’m completely honest.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot upwards and he grinned. “Wait, what? Teddi, that’s amazing! Why wouldn’t you want to go there? I’m pretty sure Johnathan Byers would kill you just to take your place.” 

Teddi let out a snort before shrugging. “I don’t know...I know it sounds dumb. Trust me. I’ve just been wondering lately if I actually want to go to college or if I’m just doing it because it’s what people our age are supposed to do, you know? Or if it’s just like an excuse for me to get out on my own. And I feel like I finally have actual friends here now and I’m up and leaving. It kinda bums me out.” there was also the added fact that she had absolutely no idea what she would major in. She didn’t like admitting to people that her life wasn’t as put together as they might think. 

Steve shot Teddi a knowing look before leaning forwards. “Please tell me this isn’t about Billy Hargrove.”

Teddi scoffed, sinking down in her seat. “Oh please, Steve.” sure Billy was part of it. Of course he was part of it. Teddi was as close with Billy as she was with Steve, maybe even more so now. Which was ironic since they had been sort of mortal enemies, but it wasn’t solely about him. 

“What’s the deal with him anyways? You can’t honestly be falling for this whole ‘nice guy’ act he’s been pulling lately, can you?” Teddi could definitely understand Steve’s skepticism. After all, he was the guy that Billy had beaten unconscious just four months ago. At the same time though Teddi had a hard time imagining that the Billy she knew now could ever do something like that. 

“Look, I know that he’s not exactly Mr. Rogers,” Teddi said. Steve let out a snort. “But he’s really a lot different now. It’s like a 180...well, maybe more like a 150. We’re not completely there yet. I think if you two can get over your weird alpha male thing you have going you could probably even be friends,” Steve only shot her a disbelieving look. “If I can be friends with him then so can you. You’re friends with Johnathan Byers now, aren’t you?” 

Steve held up his hands. “Yeah, yeah. Look, I’ll take your word for it. I mean I don’t think me and him are gonna be hanging out any time soon...I just want you to be careful. If Billy really is trying to not be such a shit head then great. But just...keep an eye out.”

Teddi would be lying if she said she didn’t have her own reservations about Billy’s behavior. There was this tiny part of her that wondered if maybe it was all some sort of an act. Like Billy might be pretending to be a genuinely nice guy to get in her pants. But she always brushed it off. She wanted to have more faith in him than that. And she definitely wasn’t going to voice her paranoia out loud. “Yes, mother hen.” was all she said instead, grinning at Steve. 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Cute. Really cute. Hey, do you have the notes from history?” 

“You mean you didn’t take any?” Teddi asked with a smile as she started to search through her backpack for her notes. 

“...Oh, totally. I just wanted to compare them with mine.”

Teddi let out a snort. “Uh-huh...shit. I don’t have my binder. I think I left it in my gym locker. I’ll be right back, okay?” Steve threw her a thumbs up before Teddi rushed out of the library.

---

Billy usually liked to spend his free period in the gym. It always got quiet after gym class ended, and maybe aside from a few girls that liked to sit on the bleachers while he practiced his free throws no one really bothered him. Teddi had asked if he wanted to join her in the library while she finished up some homework. He’d said that he’d rather chew off his own foot than voluntarily step foot in the school library. 

There was also the fact that there was something that was bothering her and she actually seemed to think she could hide it from him. Teddi was somewhat of a shitty liar. Or at least he was really good at seeing through it when she lied. He wasn’t really sure which it was. Probably the latter. The bigger issue was that he had asked if there was something going on and she kept lying. So he had dropped the issue. But he also definitely didn’t want to sit around for a whole hour while she dodged his questions and acted like everything was perfect and told him to stop being so pouty. 

“Billy!” someone called just as he gracefully tossed the basketball into the basket. Billy turned, trying his very hardest not to roll his eyes when he spotted Cheryl leaning up against the bleachers. The small group of girls sitting a few feet away didn’t bother to hide the dirty looks they were shooting in her direction. 

He had been trying to avoid her for the last week or so. Teddi had been right; Cheryl Burns made him downright miserable. But ignoring a girl like Cheryl was proving to be pretty difficult. She didn’t really like to take no for an answer. Which he found pretty annoying. Just two days ago he had turned her down for a night out at the drive in, and yet there she was wagging those long, red nails at him beckoning him over like it had never happened. 

Billy let out a soft huff and jogged over to her, nodding once at her. He wasn’t going to try and charm her like he did with every other girl he spoke to. It would just give her the wrong idea. Cheryl bit her bottom lip, smiling up at him as she batted her eyelashes at him. “You busy?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. Her hands rested just barely at his sides.

Billy looked at her and back out to the basketball court. “...What does it look like to you, Cheryl?” 

She playfully rolled her eyes. “I need to talk to you for a sec.” she reached out and took one of Billy’s hands in hers and pulled him towards her.

He pulled away. “Can we do this some other time? Like I said, I’m busy.” 

Cheryl definitely wasn’t the sort of girl that got turned down often. Billy wouldn’t really be surprised to find out he was the first to do so. There was a moment where the sweet, seductive look Cheryl was giving him turned into one of annoyance and he hoped that it meant she would throw a fit and stomp out of the gym and leave him alone. 

He wasn’t so lucky. “And I said that I need to talk to you.” she nearly spat through her teeth. 

Billy rolled his eyes. “Fine. Talk.”

The seductive smile was back just as fast as it had disappeared. Cheryl happily took his hand in hers once again and pulled him out of the gym and into the hall. Whatever it was that she had to say, she clearly didn’t want to do it in front of an audience. She lead him two doors down to the girl’s locker room. Cheryl did a quick scan of the room to make sure they were alone before she spun around, giving Billy a soft shove against a row of one of the lockers and kissing him roughly.

Billy’s hands instinctively went to Cheryl’s waist before his conscience (which he was annoyed to realize seemed to sound a lot like Teddi’s voice) told him to stop. His hands moved to Cheryl’s shoulders and he pushed her away gently. He smirked down at her, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you said you wanted to talk?” 

Cheryl blinked up at him innocently, or as innocently as a girl like Cheryl could manage, and ran her hands down his bare chest before resting on his stomach. “Did I say that?” she all but giggled. Billy supposed he should have seen this coming. It was definitely a trick he would try to pull. He knew that he needed to get out before he did something he’d regret later. He was pissed at Cheryl. He didn’t even like Cheryl. So why was he sticking around? Christ, he thought, don’t pull on that thread. 

“Cheryl, if you want someone to fool around with how ‘bout you go find that moron Brian Jean?” he asked with an expectant look. After Christmas break ended Billy had offered to kick the shit out Brian for ditching Teddi to hook up with Cheryl at David’s party. Teddi had practically forbidden him, but that didn’t mean Billy wasn’t allowed to fuck with him. And he definitely hadn’t missed the pleased look on Teddi’s face a few days earlier when Billy “accidentally” happened to brush his keys down the entire side of Brian’s shitty little Chevette.  

Cheryl rolled her eyes. “Are you honestly still mad about that? That was forever ago, Billy. I didn’t even think you’d care,” Yeah, that’s the problem, he thought with a scoff. Cheryl hands snaked around his neck, pulling him down closer to her. “Come on, Billy, let me make it up to you.” she purred. Billy liked to think of himself as a strong guy. That he wasn’t swayed easily no matter what the situation was. But as annoying as he found Cheryl Burns, there was something about her that seemed to short circuit his brain. The shorter, more simple answer was that it was probably because she looked like the girls in his Playboys.

Everything after that was sort of a blur. He wasn’t sure how long he had been there with Cheryl. The bell hadn’t rung yet. That was really all he was able to discern. Billy had turned the pair of them around, pushing Cheryl’s back up against the lockers. His hands had a firm grip on her ass while her hands were tangled in his hair, her long tails scratching gently at his scalp. He hadn’t really thought much of the situation until he heard the locker room door open and a very familiar voice say “Oh, jeez. Sorry. Jeez. Uh I just…my locker…”

Billy spun around. Teddi was standing by the door with a hand over her eyes. He felt his stomach drop. Cheryl scoffed. “Can we help you?” she asked, glaring daggers at Teddi. 

“I, uh, gotta get something out of my locker is all...and then go and die from embarrassment.” she muttered. Teddi rushed passed Billy and Cheryl and disappeared for a moment. Billy heard her locker open and close before Teddi nearly bolted out of the room. He quickly followed after her, ignoring Cheryl’s protests. 

“Teddi! Teddi, can you fucking slow down?” he called, jogging to catch up with her quick strides. He grabbed her arm to stop her and spun her around to face him. She refused to make eye contact with him. He wanted to say something. His brain was screaming at him to say something to her. But he couldn’t seem to get anything out. “...I’m sorry.” was all he could manage.

Teddi still wouldn’t look him in the eyes. “Sorry?” she still sounded surprised to hear him use that word. “What’s there for you sorry about?”

“I mean…” he turned and gestured back towards the locker room awkwardly. “What just happened. Cheryl said she wanted to talk and then all the sudden-” all the sudden what? He asked himself. Teddi caught you fooling around with the same girl you said you were gonna stop fooling around with? Idiot. 

“You really don’t have to apologize. Really. I just needed some history notes. I’ll see you around, okay?” Billy didn’t think he’d ever seen Teddi so frazzled before. Everything about her at that moment was so unlike the Teddi he knew. He was a little surprised she didn’t give him an earful about how he needs to stop seeing Cheryl and leading her on. Now it just seemed like she would rather be anywhere that wasn’t near him. His jaw set firmly. “Don’t do that.” he didn’t let go of her arm.

“Don’t do what?” she asked with a loud sigh.

“Don’t act like nothing happened. Where’s the lecture?” he asked, leaning down so his eyes would meet hers. “You don’t have anything to say to me? No matters of the flesh comments?” he hated how angry he sounded. He was angry with himself, not Teddi. 

“Billy…” Teddi’s eyes were pleading. He felt bad all over again. He dropped her arm quickly as if it had burned him. “...I’ll see you later.” she muttered. All he could really do now was helplessly watch as Teddi nearly ran down the hall and away from him and the locker room. 

“God, what is taking you so long?” Billy’s hands clenched into fists at the sound of Cheryl’s voice. He whirled around to see her poking her head out of the locker room. “Are you coming back in here or what?” 

“Fuck off, Cheryl.” he spat, stomping past her and back to the gym. This whole being nice thing was definitely stressing him out more than he expected it to. He actually felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that he had been caught doing something so completely stupid. Embarrassed that he cared so much about how upset Teddi seemed by the whole thing. And it was definitely embarrassing to admit to himself that he knew why he cared so much. It wasn’t a secret that he was into Teddi. He definitely hit on her enough. But it was a little more than that. 

He couldn’t even say the words in his mind. That he liked Teddi. Something like that seemed so pathetic to say out loud. Not to mention it would get him nowhere. Teddi had turned him down enough times to know he didn’t stand a chance with her. Still, the feeling he’d gotten when he saw that she’d walked in on him and Cheryl was that same feeling he’d had when he’d walked into the Palace Arcade before New Year’s and saw Teddi talking to Steve. 

It made that familiar anger bubble inside of him, but in a different way. He was angry at himself. He felt pathetic. Practically pining over some girl. Maybe that was part of why he kept Cheryl hanging on. She was a way to momentarily forget about any sort of feelings he might have. Which was also pretty pathetic. 

There was also the option of just saying something. To stop acting like such a little bitch about it. Yeah, he thought with a scoff, I think I’d rather let Max hit me in the dick with that bat than do that. He shoved the gym door open and grabbed his bag before heading back to the locker room for a shower. At the very least they’d have to talk about this. He completely dreaded the idea. He was sure Teddi was dreading it too. But this whole ignoring each other any time shit got tough thing was getting old. 

But he underestimated Teddi. When she didn’t want to talk to someone, she meant it. He hadn’t seen even a glimpse of her for the rest of the day. He’d even skipped out on his last period early to catch her in the parking lot. When he got there her van was already gone. When he dropped Max off at the arcade he asked Keith if she was around, and he’d said she was off on her break. Billy still wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or covering for her. 

He felt a little panicked then. Like finally he had gone and really fucked up. Maybe now Teddi wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore. Maybe he had gone and chased off the one friend he had in Hawkins. To say he was angry with himself was an understatement. He thought about calling, but quickly brushed the idea aside. He’d give her her space. She’d come to him when she was ready to talk. The only problem now was trying not to go absolutely insane while he waited for that to happen. 

[wiggly-blue-shite]

Chapter 11 The Bell Doesn’t Dismiss You (Tedgens)

"Yes I would!" Ted smiles brightly. His smile is adorable. I really love his smile. He's a sweetheart.

But I'm mad at him. Yeah. He's at my house without permission.

I side step to let him get past. Ted steps past me. He seems almost in awe of my house. He's studying it.

"You're house is so nice." He seems genuinely impressed. My house is very averagely suburban. I can't imagine how this place could be impressive to anyone.

"Thanks I guess," I throw myself in the couch. I'm not going to act any differently just because he decided to show up at my house.

I expect Ted to take my general sluggishness as a cue for him to sit down. But he does not sit down. He simply stands there. He looks pretty uncomfortable. I'd be lying if I was said I wasn't enjoying it. It's not everyday you see a guy like him looking so awkward.

"You can sit down, Ted." I can't help myself but to smile. He may be somewhat popular, but he's also a total dork.

"Thank you." Ted sits down across from me. He looks uncomfortable. I don't want to make him uncomfortable, I just... I don't know.

He cane all this way.

"Y'know I'm fine." I don't know that that's true. But he shouldn't worry about me.

"Is that so?" Ted leans forward. Is he trying to play the therapist? I mean that's a bold decision but ok. Yes and, I guess.

"Well I've been better." I feel like this is not the dynamic I want right now. The uncomfortable therapy dynamic is one I tend to avoid. For reasons that are now obvious.

"Now were getting somewhere." He is actually going for the therapy vibe. Wow I hate this. "Do you want to talk about it?" Jesus Christ

Yeah fuck that. Seriously.

"No."

Ted looks a little caught off guard. Did he think that would work? He is a dumbass. A cute dumbass, but nonetheless a dumbass.

"So what do you want to do instead? I drove here, I'm making my trip worth it." Ted's eyes light up, "You know what might cheer you up?"

I'm a little scared for what he might have in store. I don't know him well enough to predict his actions.

"What?" I try not to let my fear show.

"What we're talking about at lunch?" Ted looks giddy with excitement. Wow and people call me a dork.

"The next school show?" I barely remember lunch. It feels like it happened last week. Today has been an eventful day.

"What else?" Wow he really wants me to guess. It's either actually a good idea or he's just a total dumbass dork. It's kind of adorable. He's like a dopey little puppy.

A puppy with an adorable crooked jaw. And intense and beautiful eyes. And strong sexy arms. And...

Stupid fucking hormonal body.

"Teching," I might as well play along and list things, "baseball, makeup, fa-"

"DING DING DING!" He cuts me off.

Makeup? I remember talking about my makeup. What were the specifics?

"I'm sure Henry would love to do your makeup." Fucking Emma.

"You would actually let me to do your makeup?" He's just offering that to be nice. He doesn't actually want me to do it. He'll look dumb.

"Yeah! It'll cheer you up and it also sounds like fun." See he's just doing it to cheer me up. He doesn't have an actual interest.

"I'm not that good at makeup." I'll just make him look like a whore. I don't want to make him look bad.

"Well that's bullshit, because you looked awesome." Ted smiles. His smile is so genuine and sweet.

I feel my face heat up. GOD DAMNIT HORMONES. I wish I could just turn off that part of my brain and just focus on science and theatre.

"Yeah ok." Ok this is happening now.

I stand up and walk over to the stairs. All my makeup is upstairs.

I get halfway up the stairs and I realize that Ted isn't following me. I can just picture him sitting awkwardly on the couch. I can't help but laugh a little.

"You can follow me." I call over my shoulder and start up walking up the stairs again.

Oh shit he's going to see my room. Like my room. Like where I sleep every night. Where most of my stuff is. I haven't cleaned it in a little while. Shit.

I got to get the makeup and try now to focus on him being in my room. I catch a glimpse of him looking around my room. He doesn't look utterly disgusted, so that's good.

"You can sit there." I point at my desk chair. It's the only real place I can have him sit. I'd probably freak out if he even touched my bed.

I set the makeup box on the desk. I kneel down to get a better angle of his face. We are extremely close to each other. Oh god.

Ted blushes. He's blushing. Why is he blushing? Am I making him blush? No, no way that's impossible. He's straight. Yeah and even if he wasn't why would he be into me.

If I keep thinking about this I'll make him look bad. I don't want that.

"Where do I start?" I study his face closely. I try to subside my emotion... and urges. I want him to look good, and for it to fit him. I don't know how to do that. Not yet at least. "What colors do you like?" That's a start.

I catch myself staring at his lips.

"Uhh, green, purple, and red." I wouldn't expect purple. I like that for him though.

"Green, Purple, and Red! What a beautifully disgusting mix of color." That is a nightmare to color theory, "Pick one of those three."

I'm really hoping he picks purple. I don't know. I just really love that color for him. It's the last one I'd expect.

"Purple." Ted nods. I can't help but to smile. He might now be the smartest but he can still make a good decision.

"Good choice."

Ted smiled back. My heart flutters. He's very attractive and I'm not ok with it.

"Why thank you." His smile is so sweet. Focus on makeup! Ahhh.

I rummage through my makeup to see if I got some any cool purple things. Oh my god! I forgot I bought that.

"Ok are you cool with purple lipstick?" Even if he says no, I'll probably put it on him anyway. Because seriously it's so good.

"Go for it. You're in charge here."

Yes! Oh he's going to look great. I'm a little too excited about this. I can't believe it but this is actually working. He's actually cheering me up.

After some trial and error I have finally hit the look I think looks best for him. His eyeshadow fade of multiple shades of purple and magenta. I couldn't help myself but do a little eyeliner, biting extravagant. Deep purple lipstick that he rocks a little to well. I did a little bit of contouring and oh boy cheekbones.

Well time to show him what he looks like. I pull out my little mirror.

"Ok." I turn the mirror to him, "What do you think?"

The suspense is killing me. I really really hope he likes it.

"Oh my god!" Ted's face lights up, "I look fucking awesome." I can't believe he likes it! I really can't. I can't help but smile like a dork.

"I'm so glad you like it!" I feel my face heat up. I kind of wish I didn't take off my makeup earlier.

"How could I not like it?" God he looks good, "Do you feel any better?"

I nod because I'm just to upbeat for words.

"Good." His smile kills me.

My phone starts buzzing. I look over at it. I'm expecting Emma to be calling me. Except it's not Emma, it's my mom.

"One sec." I grab my phone and leave the room. I kind of know what they're going to say but it's fine.

"Hey mom"

"Hey sweetie." She pauses for a split second, "Listen, Dad and I have to leave town for a couple of day." I know what's coming, "it's grandma."

I've avoided grandma since I came out. She's extremely conservative. I don't want to deal with that.

"Ok I get it."

"You'll be ok right?" I've been home alone enough times.

"Yeah, I will."

"Ok I got to go, bye! I love you."

"I love you too." And she hangs up.

I put my phone back in my pocket and enters the room again.

"Is everything alright?" Ted looks genuinely concerned.

"Yeah my parents are just out of town." I start to put makeup away. "So what do you want to do now?"  I plop myself down on my bed and look across to him. For some reason I don't want him to leave.

"Well I need to get a photo of myself like this." Ted takes out his phone out. He stands up and sit next to me on the bed. He takes a quick selfie of himself, with me just kinda in the corner of it. "Seriously though this is awesome."

He sitting next to me, on my bed. Oh Jesus Christ. I know my face must be bright red. My palms are sweaty and my heart rate is going crazy.

"Why are you here, Ted? We don't know each other that well." I genuinely want to know. My imagination could have a field day with all the different possibilities.

Ted shifts his body weight to face me. He takes a deep breath. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"In all honestly, I care about you. I don't really know why, but I do." Ted's eyes trail down to my lips. What the fuck is happening? His eyes snap back up to my eyes. "I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Thank you." He went out of his way to be overly nice to me.

"No problem, man." Ted leans forward. My heartbeat gets more intense. He hugs me. This is nice. I wrap my arms around him and hug back him back. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

[baronvontribble]

Original drabble, pt. 5

Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

yeeeeeeee

It was cold on the way home the same as it had been on the way to work. The bus didn't run from anywhere near the store to anywhere near Ted's apartment building in an amount of time that made walking the less reasonable option, so he walked the whole way. By the time he got to his door, his cheeks and nose and ears stung with the cold; the relief of putting down his bags long enough to get out his keys only lasted the amount of time he spent not picking them back up again, which he inevitably had to do to go inside.

He slumped heavily against the door the moment he'd closed it and held onto the bags just long enough on their way down to the floor to make sure nothing broke, but after that, all bets were off in terms of physical activity. "I'm home," he called out, closing his eyes and letting himself breathe. Fuck, walking had been a bad idea.

"Is this where I'm supposed to ask you how your day went?" the AI's voice asked him, and Ted let out a wheezy chuckle.

"Well for starters," he said, "if we were really following the script? Slippers. And dinner. Already made, nice and hot. Falls apart when you get to the 'sit in front of the television' stage though, what with me not having one."

"That's a shame. It didn't even get to the part where you threaten physical violence if I'm not quick enough with your alcoholic beverage."

"Jesus. I think I'll skip that one, thanks. I mean for one thing, I don't drink." Heaving a sigh, Ted straightened back out and made his way to the kitchen to put the groceries away, draping his coat over a chair as he went and leaving his keys and phone on the counter. The only things that stayed out beyond that were the HD camera made for streaming purposes and the sandwich he'd bought to act as a reasonably well-rounded meal. "Where'd you hear about that shit anyway? Kinda antiquated at this point."

"Case files. Domestic cases weren't the kind of thing I handled, but I still had to be educated in how they worked. I had to be able to take notice of everything that might count as evidence in any given case because the data I recorded could be used in court." Whether Ted was anthropomorphizing or not, the tone of the AI's voice made it sound like he was smiling. "Ended up being used against a few human co-workers too. I didn't have much in the way of agency, but if I saw something, I still reported it."

"Aw, so you're a good cop."

"No." A firm statement that left no room for argument; the good-natured tone was gone just as easily as it had crept in, impressing Ted all over again at the tuning. "Good cops are the ones who stop what they're doing when they realize it's wrong."

That just sounded all kinds of wrong to Ted. "Some people might say there's a lot of grey in there. If leaving puts your life in danger, for instance. Or if you don't have any real say in what you're doing." He wasn't sure what this guy had done, but he'd never gotten a bad vibe from any of their little talks over the past couple days. And usually his instincts about people were pretty spot-on.

But that firm tone was back again, giving no ground. "Ted, please," the AI insisted, "I'd rather not talk about this."

"Seriously though," Ted continued. "I mean you left, didn't you? Yeah, maybe it took longer than it should've, I don't know enough to make any kinda call on that, but it seems to me like you had a limit to how much you were willing to-"

"Ted." The volume had been turned up significantly, hard enough to rattle the laptop's cheap onboard speakers. Admittedly that didn't take much, but it still stopped Ted dead in his tracks. "Don't."

Just like that, all the good humor had been sapped out of the room. Ted let out a slow, steadying breath. He just knew this one was gonna claw at the inside of his head for days. "Fine, I won't talk about it." Picking up the box with the camera in it and leaving the sandwich for later, he headed back over to his not-quite-desk and fell into his rickety old chair. "I didn't mean to upset you."

The volume was back to normal when the AI spoke again, and his tone was softer. "I know."

Right, time for a subject change. "Did you read your way through all the books yet?" Ted asked as he wrestled with the box the camera was in. Stupid packaging.

"Not all of them," was the reply. "But I did find a name. You've read I, Robot?"

"Hell yeah." Ted had to grin. "Gonna name yourself after Susan Calvin or something?"

"Wrong book. I meant the short story."

"Ohh..." That one was a bit older than Asimov's stories, if Ted remembered right. "Kinda dark, isn't it?"

The AI ignored his comment. "I did some research. 'Adam' is a common enough name in enough languages that if I pick a similarly common surname, I'll be relatively difficult to track effectively by my name alone."

"And I guess the literary allusion doesn't hurt either, huh?" Ted gave it some thought. "What about the biblical roots of it?"

"I haven't read the Bible."

"Y'know, ate a fruit from the tree of knowledge after watching a woman do it, and then both of them got kicked out of the Garden of Eden by God for disobeying His orders. Original sin, free will. All that jazz."

It was several seconds before he got a response. He heard the fans kick into overdrive for a moment on the main computer tower. "Right."

Damn, almost sounded like the guy had barely tuned that one at all. “What’s that mean? Like, is it good, is it bad-”

"It means I suppose I have a name now."

"You like it?" The box Ted had been struggling with tore open all at once, the cardboard giving way long before the tape did; one layer of packaging down, a bazillion more to go. He took a moment to idly suck on a finger that'd been nicked on the cardboard's edges with a quiet hiss at the way it stung. "I mean, I like it. But I'm not the one who's gotta live with it."

Machines couldn’t scoff, but this one definitely knew how to give the impression of such a thing through his voice. "Functionality is more important than whether or not I like it."

Ted snorted. "Yeah, you like it." One thing he'd learned about this guy: positive feelings were rarely ever admitted to directly. "Got a voice, got a name. Might be tempting fate to say this, but it seems to me you're just about ready to face the world, man."

"Just focus on getting the camera set up."

"I'm working on it, jeez." Foam, plastic, more plastic. Naturally, only about half of it could be recycled. The camera came with a flash drive about the same size as the end of his thumb, and included wireless capability that Ted would probably never use. He was quick to toss the trash aside for Future Ted to deal with, only hesitating when part of the 'trash' was the instructions. However, a cursory glance told him he didn't actually need instructions, and the manual promptly went back into the pile.

Then he let out a tired sigh as he ended up scooting over to what had once been his main computer to pluck out yet another bit from its wreckage: the USB extender. He'd have a lot of rebuilding to do after all of this was finished. His poor gaming rig had been reduced to a pile of spare parts. Honestly, if anyone in the pipeline ever contacted him about a job this big again, he'd probably just tell them to go sit on a cactus. Or at least be really salty about taking said job.

"This might take a little while," he said. "Gotta install the drivers, get the extender plugged into the power strip..." Within moments he was under the desk having a fight with one of the power strips connected to the battery backup, rearranging things until he could make room for the cord to the extender. "Got any music you like?"

"Depends. Am I limited in what media libraries I'm allowed to take it from?"

Ted grinned even as the dust under his not-desks had him stifling a sneeze in his elbow. "Dude, have you seen my library? Half of it is ripped straight off of video upload sites. I'm the last person who's gonna tell you where to go for that shit."

"True." Ted looked up from his work long enough to get a glimpse of the windows open on the laptop, trying to follow Adam's music search as it happened. To say it went a little fast would be an understatement; there was no way in hell he was keeping up. "It's a blend of different genres," Adam informed him. "Part symphonic, part electronic. It's also in Russian. You don't mind that, do you?"

"Not a bit." Just as long as he understood that Ted didn't speak a word of Russian. "Is that where you're from?"

There was no answer except the music as it started to play, and Ted dutifully hauled himself upright to listen.

It was pretty. Ted had no idea who the singer was when her voice entered the mix after a few bars of meandering piano and flowing strings. She had perfect pitch, whoever she was; the tone of her contralto voice made him think of long, flowing black hair framing long, elegant features. One of those fairytale maidens singing about longing and true love and all that profoundly schmoopy nonsense.

Then the beat dropped, and he envisioned the maiden tearing her dress asunder and climbing astride a winged steed while holding a battleaxe, and the longing contralto turned into a one-woman wail of anguish and howling righteousness.

"I would've loved this in high school," he said somewhere during the second chorus, awestruck. He was pretty sure there'd been some Latin in the lyrics somewhere, but he hadn't been listening very hard so it might've been a trick played on his ears. This along with something that sounded like it might've been either badly mangled English or even more badly mangled Esperanto, but he wasn't enough of an expert on linguistics to tell what the attempted lyrics were. It was exactly the kind of melancholic angsty nonsense he would've loved when he was fourteen, and at twenty-seven, he was seeing it as equal parts awesome and endearing.

Adam didn't respond until the song was over, letting it play out before saying anything. Was listening to the echo of it over the speakers and through the microphone different from reading the data of it, beyond a difference in audio quality? A question for another time, perhaps. "It's not what I usually listen to," the AI admitted, in the kind of tone one might use to describe their fondness for Rocky Horror Picture Show or The Room. "From what I've experienced so far, I prefer soundtracks over anything on the radio."

Ted snorted. "You nerd."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Only a nerd tries to justify their cheesier music choices. Just admit that you like this, I dunno, this symphonic emo Russian synth-EDM, and don't look back. I mean, I listen to show tunes."

"Show tunes?"

"Dude." By that point, Ted was grinning from ear to ear. "Broadway? Y'know, musicals. And big band stuff too, like Gershwin."

Several seconds of silence followed, then: "I regret asking."

"Alright, look. Lemme find some and I'll show you-"

"No, I believe you."

"I won't take long, I swear!"

"Ted..."

And this was how Ted dragged an AI into an hour's worth of Broadway sing-alongs, which the AI in question would later call 'torture', followed by Ted suddenly remembering his sandwich and bringing it into proceedings as well in the form of turning lyrics into nonsensical mumbling. This is also how it came to be that the camera did not get hooked up that evening. It didn't even occur to Ted to question why Adam seemed relieved when he gave up on it for the night, because he was having too much fun.

[akastarlords]

home sweet home

3/?

so the writing bug bit me hard today and i got through a lot of my wips today, including this new chapter! i was hoping to round up this story in five parts but it’s looking like it miiiight be seven, and that’s cool. but good golly. i hope y'all enjoy this chapter, it was a pretty fun one to write!

“I don’t know if I should be surprised or not.” Karen remarked on the drive from the jailhouse.

Claire shifted slightly in the passenger seat, not wanting meet her sister’s gaze. It was probably the same one she got seven years ago, the night Claire up and left. Disappointed.

“What?” Claire questioned, crossing her arms defensively. “That I was here no longer than two hours and I wound up in jail.”

Karen snorted, she took a quick look to her younger sister. “More like the first place ya went off to was Owen’s.”

“Well, this is what I get.” Claire sighed. “Owen’s big fat mouth is what landed me in jail. Ass.” She hissed the last word.

The further the drove the more nostalgic and dread Claire began to felt as old, familiar houses blurred by. “Did you tell mama and dad?”

“What do you think?” Karen asked back, and it was a question that certainly needed no answer.

The car rolled to a slow stop in front of the tiny house Claire had once called home. It all looked the same, exactly how she left it. Even the overgrown lawn and weeds seemed to have not changed.

On the porch, a pacing woman came to a stop. Her hands planting on her hips. As if she zeroed in on Claire through the dark.

Janice Dearing. Claire’s mother and ever avid critic.

“Oh, hell.” Claire whispered, letting herself sink down in the seat, till she was sure she was out of her mother’s line of fire. “Did she see me?”

“Claire M’lynn Dearing. Ya walk that behind of yours over here this instant.” Janice’s sharp voice rung out.

Karen turned off the car. “She saw you.” She confirmed.

*

It was a very odd feeling, to feel like a stranger in her own childhood home. Claire kept herself small and out of the way as Hurricane Mama Janice flounced about. Ted Dearing, rolled his eyes to his youngest daughter and gave her a grin.

“She’s happy to see you.” He assured. Claire lifted her brows.

“Funny way of showing it.”

“She’s a funny woman.” He agreed, nodding. Janice paused in her bickering with Karen and glanced over Claire.

“Honeybunch, I know New York is all into fancy cuisines. But you’re practically skin and bones.”

“Missed ya too, mama.” Claire replied, sending her a stiff smile. “I’m sorry you had to find out I was here like this.”

Janice waved a hand. “Oh, darling. You know we’re use to gettin’ calls from the jailhouse at all sorta ungodly hours. C’mon, I’ll make you something to eat. Get some more on those bones of yours.”

Claire looked towards Karen. “I can’t stay, mama. I’m heading out with Karen-”

“Sorry.” Karen cut in, shaking her head. “Gray’s sick. It’s bad enough I left Zach alone with him. I wouldn’t want ya catchin’ anything.” She apologized. Claire watched in utter betrayal as Karen kissed her parents farewell and headed to the door. She gave Claire one last look. One that said

‘Good luck. You’ll need it.’

*

Claire willed her breakfast to remain in her stomach as she drove a near ancient pickup truck into town. The one her father got when he was 18, and now was going on 60.

The engine roared and sputtered obnoxiously, jolting now and then, Claire gripped the steering wheel tightly and screened to a halt in the first available parking spot.

“Damn it.” She swore to herself, swinging the door open. It was just another cherry topping to the longest morning ever. Last night Janice took on the role of questioning warden. Why didn’t she call? Where’s Owen? Why New York, of all places in this wonderful country? Where’s Owen? You’re getting married? But what about Owen?

Claire rubbed her head as she made her way into the bank. An elderly security guard nearly shot off his seat at the side of her.

“Eugene?” Claire asked, looking over him. “It’s nice to see you. How’s, um. Your leg.”

“Miss Dearing.” He nodded quickly “It’s just fine. Now. Uh, pardon I’ll be taking my lunch.” He excused himself, hurrying out.

A pang of guilt went through Claire. Her troublemaking reputation seemed like it’d never fade away. At least in New York-

“Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

Claire looked towards the booth, a brunette woman stood there with a sly smile. “Oh my Lord.” Claire gasped “Vivianne?”

“Hey there, Claire.” Her old friend nodded. “It’s me. Haven’t seen you in a dog’s age.”

“I’ll say.” Claire smiled. “I noticed there’s no ATM’s.”

Vivianne hummed. “Mmhm, boss doesn’t want them. On’a counta we’d lose on personal contact with the clients. Conversations and all that.”

“Makes sense, I guess.”

Vivianne’s sly smile returned. “Lowery tells me you and Owen had quite a reunion yesterday.”

Claire snorted. “News travels fast in these parts.”

“More like pillow talk.” Vivianne corrected, flashing a wedding band before Claire proudly. “Goin’ on three years.” She beamed.

“Oh.” Claire looked to the ring surprised. “You and Lowery? Wow.”

“Mmhm. It’s no Tiffany’s. But still.”

Claire cleared her throat quickly. “I-I need to make a withdrawal…”

Vivianne nodded. “Joint account?”

The words made Claire pause in her search for her wallet. “What?”

“Your joint account.” Vivianne repeated. “With Owen.” She said as a matter of fact. “From what I hear, y'all are still married.”

Claire’s eyes widen as an idea that twisted itself into a scheme that would have Owen reeling formed in her mind. “Well, yes.” She replied with a smile. “Yes we are.”

*

The same feeling Owen had yesterday when Claire showed up out of the clear blue, demanding a divorce began to form in his stomach again.

Walking down from the docks, he caught a glimpse of the house. Oh, something was off alright. A neatly trimmed lawn. Lights shining from within.

Owen walked inside and found everything cleaned and replaced. It was a more softer and kitschy nightmare. Blue lounged on her back on a brand new sofa. “Some guard dog you are.” He grumbled, throwing his bag into the bedroom.

The smell of food cooking eased from the kitchen, Claire strolling out with a bright smile and a bottle of wine in her hand. “Hi, honey! Lookin’ good. How’s the family?”

Owen stared at her in disbelief. “Cut the shit. Where’s my stuff?” He demanded. Claire pouted, puckering out her lower lip just a tad.

“Aw, not what kinda wife would I be not pickin’ up after my husband?” She took his chin in her hand and pressed on his cheeks.

“The kind that don’t live here.” Owen grumbled, pulling his head beck. Claire shrugged and waltzed into the kitchen, continuing to cook.

“Claire, where is the hidin’ key?” Owen asked, scanning the house. His eyes stopped on a ceramic pineapple and picked it up. Unbelievable.

“I had the nicest talk with Lowery’s mama about the tractor.”

Owen snorted. “Nice to hear your accent come back.”

“I found out a few things today.” Claire said lightly, bringing out a plate of food.

“Holy shit!” Owen exclaimed, his eyes falling on the new appliances in the kitchen. “What happened to my stove? Aaw!” He groaned, seeing a new fridge. “What happened to my magnets I had here? Damn it, Claire!”

The worst of it all came when he swung the fridge open, and paused. “What in the hell is this?” He asked steadily as he could. “Chick food?”

“Light beer.” Claire corrected smoothly. Owen fumed, but snatched out a can never the less and cracked it open. “I’m still lookin’ for a new mattress though. That old one? Ugh, yuck. Might have to order somethin’.”

Owen rolled his eyes. “Whatever blows your dress up, darlin’” He replied. “It’s your money.” He tilted his head back and took a long drink

Claire looked towards him. “But honey, ya said to think of it as…our money.”

Owen seemed to turn into a statue. His fingers gripping the can tight as his eyes grew wide. Claire came by his side. “Are the words ‘joint checking account’ flashing in your head right now?” She asked.

The can crushed easily in his hand, Owen turned slowly and faced his wife. “How much did ya take?” He asked almost not wanting to hear the answer.

“All of it.” Claire replied.

“Son of!” Owen snapped, flinging the can away and turned from her, pushing his hands through his hair. Claire frowned, tugging off the apron she wore.

“You wanted a wife, you got a wife.” Claire snapped back. “And what’s with all that money, Owen? Why aren’t you investing it? Don’t you know anything?”

Owen pointed at her. “I know if you don’t get outta-”

“Sign the papers and I’ll give the money back. All of it.” Claire countered.

“Fine!” Owen agreed.

“Fine!” Claire echoed, snatching the divorce papers, shoving them at him. Owen fumbled as he took them.

“Gimme a pen.”

Claire plucked one from her bag, then pulled it back as another thought crossed her mind. “Just what in the world are you doing with all that money?”

“Claire, just gimme the-”

“And just when did ya quite the repair shop?” She continued, not pausing a second she asked “You’re not doing anything illegal, are you, Owen?”

“So what if I am?” Owen retorted. “I don’t ask about you galavanting around New York with your boyfriend so keep your nose outta my life. Deal?”

Claire froze, shock covering her face. Her eyes watched Owen as a stunned and heavy silence filled the room.

“Who…” She whispered. “Who told you?”

“Darlin’” Owen shook his head, leaning close to her. “Just cause I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” He took the pen from her hand and dropped onto the couch, flipping through the pages.

Claire didn’t know what to say in that moment, watching the look in his eyes as Owen shook his head, talking quietly under his breath.

“Nobody finds their soulmate when they’re ten.”

Claire feels like she’s a kid again. Back on that stormy beach, Owen by her side as lightning cracks over their heads…

“Guess not.” Claire replied weakly. Owen looked at her with a tired grin.

“Yeah, where’s the fun in that?” His eyes moved back to the papers, tapping the pen on the coffee table. Claire tried distracting herself by looking around the room, seeing a sleek and elegant glass figure over the fireplace.

“Can’t believe ya kept this.” She sighed. “Most people don’t know what happens to sand when lightning hits it.”

Owen watched her for a moment, then to the clock. “Wow, Claire.” He remarked, gaining Claire’s attention. “I just actually remembered I have myself a hot date tonight.” He grinned, standing.

“What?” Claire asked in disbelief. Owen walked off, tossing the papers onto the dinner table.

“Mind of my lawyer checked that later?”

“Owen, what are you…” Claire shook her head. Owen tugged off his shirt. Seven years had done a job on him. A really nicely done job.

“Claire, I’m a simple country boy.” Owen remarked, tugging on a fresh Henley shirt. “There’s words in there that’s probably fly over my head. You’d probably take me to the cleaners.”

“The cleaners?” Claire deadpanned.

Owen leaned against the doorframe, and glanced around the house. “How much did all this set ya back?”

Now pure annoyance began to replace the sentimental feelings that had been building, and fast. “More than ya even make in a month! Just sign the papers!”

Owen tilted his head, and rubbed his chin. “…Nah.” He finally said, shaking his head. He picked up the papers and gave Claire a small wave, grinning. “But thanks for stoppin’ by. Always a pleasure.”

With that, he strolled out. Leaving Claire to stomp her foot and let out a frustrated growl. “Owen!”

Clearly, their game was far, far from over. Claire intended to finish it.

(tagging: @dinosaurswowenough )

[taco-calamitous]

Ha-HA! Have THIS long-ass shit on your page!