#at least that’s what i’m assuming he slammed it about bc idk what else it would’ve been

[waste-0f-spacee]

my father inspires me to be a better person everyday by showing me exactly how NOT to be

[strvwberryblcnde]

👫 teddy/lana

send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons i have about our muses’ relationship.

ok so. lana has a habit of sharing food as one of her many love languages i think. she jst likes.... giving ppl things even if it means she’ll have less. she’d let a wolf make a meal out of her n eat every last piece if she loved him n she knew he’d feel full. bt of everyone i feel like teddy hs always been the one she does this w most.... like even when they first met in the cafeteria she gave him spoonfuls of her greek yogurt n honey. whenever she’s eating fruit (which is a lot she’s obsessed w strawberries n peaches n grapes n tangerines n oranges) she’ll ALWAYS give him half whether tht’s segmenting up pieces or dividing bites evenly between them n Without Fail it’ll always b half tht she gives him whereas she might give other ppl like.... a bite or a piece or two bt......... it’s rly specific each time tht she gives teddy half. it isn’t even intentional it’s jst like a subconscious thing bt if we were to slide on spectacles n analyse this in an english class fr it’s Meaning then. looks at u then looks away. i think this represents the way tht teddy hs always felt like another half of her. they’re one in the same. in a lot of ways they’re very similar mayb even................ TOO similar n that’s why it’s been sch a fking.... bastard of trying to work things out ever bc they very much hv the same rampant commitment issues n bad timing n fears of never being gd enough. i feel like in the past a guy she ws dating (noncommittally as lana tended to do these things) wld have even noticed this n it would have bugged him a lot just like... how close she was w teddy in general............. n he would’ve one day brought it up in the middle of a fight he’d picked jst cutting away from what they were talking abt to be like. u only ever give me one bite but u would give teddy all of it if he asked u to. tell me i’m wrong. n she’d scoff out a laugh in disbelief looking around like omg...... all this over a fruit...... what are u even sa-- n he’d cut her off n be like. literally tell me i’m wrong lana. n she wouldn’t even b able to after going quiet n rly realising what it was he was actually Saying. he’d storm out. relationship over. icons of always being a little bit in love w each other n not even noticing it until someone else points it out <3

god. sighs dramatically at the idea i jst had. i cn imagine in la verse lana being rly drunk getting bk from a date one time n inevitably it was just some random loser since she’s back to dating Trash in this era bc she just truly cbas trying after her breakup w dom n............. it would be like a parallel to tht one time they’d fallen out over him sleeping w imogen when she ws upset w him bt crawled into his bed drunk at a party just to lie w him for a little while despite everything...... she wld have gone to his instead of hers on some drunken automatic pilot n somehow got into his room n..... she’d clamber in n flop nxt to him n maybe it wld be funny at first if he woke up n was like lana what the fk...... are u doing here.... so disorientated n confused.......... n she’d just be joking initially bt very clearly drunk like making fun of her date talking abt how he kept complimenting his own hair n calling himself a tesla in a sea of prius’ n checking himself out in every window they passed n then the laughter wld slowly trickle off n she’d go kind of quiet fr a moment n maybe teddy wld assume she ws passing out bc she’d drank sm bt after a short silence she’d perk up with a mumble out of nowhere n, barely conscious of what she’s saying, b like “why didn’t u wait for me like u said u would”. n if he was like.............. huh? she’d have her eyes shut n just b murmuring half awake then open them sleepily to look at him n rly quietly be like........ “u promised”. mayb she’d even reach out to gingerly trace his face bt then her wrist wld go slack bc she was rly tired n she’d just wriggle closer n tuck her head to get comfy n be like “warm” then promptly fall asleep. JSGSFKGHFHGKHGSFKH. literally jst jolting him awake w this rarely serious n genuine conversation then passing out. jst the worst fk teddy’s life bet he lay there staring at the ceiling fr so long after tht one <3 lana wouldn’t remember this in the morning either she’d wake up like why am i here........ did we meet up last night............ teddy jst like >_> u crashed here it was nbd.

i picture the first week they moved to LA lana wldn’t have admitted it bt she wld be feeling rly homesick............ radcliffe was very much like the first place she truly felt was her home n she’d miss all of the ppl there n just the general area A Lot............. one night i can see her jst wanting to spend with teddy to have like a sense of familiarity in an unfamiliar city (even if she’s spent a decent amt of time there over the yrs bc of jameson records hving studios etc bt still) n i’m imagining them like. breaking into an indoor swimming complex that her n her friends in high skl used to break into in the summers when they vacationed yrs ago.... maybe lana still has a key cut tht works from a connection she made bk then idk <3 it doesn’t matter <3 n they’d inevitably be drunk n just messing around n splashing each other n doing handstand competitions n all the typical..... fun frivolous childish antics lana n teddy tend to get into whenever they’re around each other.... truly jst transformed into big kids whenever they’re in the other’s company..... inspired a little by this gifset jst in terms of the playing around underwater vibe. anyway. mayb they mostly dry off bt they end up climbing up onto the rooftop after n it’s a baking summer night anyway so it isn’t like they’ll catch a cold being damp bt they share a big fluffy towel n bottle of rum between them huddled overlooking the lights of the city. n maybe somehow it gets onto lana admitting how much she misses home n how it’s kind of weird being here especially bc she’s further from caleb. she’s never been this far from him since he was away in the army n we all kno hw tht turned out. mayb she’d go a bit quiet after saying this bt then i think she’d take his hand w their fingers laced together n she’d rest her head on his shoulder n be like. at least i’ll always have u. it’s like i took a piece of home w me. we’ve always had each other like that. then she’d perk up n lift her head n be like let’s make a deal. i’ll be ur home if u’ll be mine. ok? n make him pinky promise. i dnt think she’d quite consider the sentimentality in tht bt 😔 she nvr rly does she jst says what feels natural without attention paid to the deeper meaning tht motivated it n.... sighs. looks at u then looks away....

this is inspired by tht scene in don’t trust the b in apartment 23 where she’s like “look. that video of me getting rawed by my best friend means the world to me.” KJGFGJKSFHKGHKSFGHKFSHKGSHGK god. inevitably in lana n teddy’s prime when they were literally hooking up 24/7 in earlier college yrs they made.............. a few videos. i mean it’s jst realistic. it’s jst common sense. probably even a feature length film at one point. n i had this idea where bc teddy’s trying to get into acting etc mayb if he gets an agent his agent is like.... do u have any dirt u need to take care of? loose ends to tie up? incriminating files to delete? sex tapes? n if he was like... ya..... mayb his agent wld have asked him to delete them if he still had them on his computer or w.e i mean i kno lana wld n wouldn’t have deleted them she wld have been proud of their work of art...... bt maybe he told lana abt this just laughing abt it n the atmosphere ws lighthearted at first bc she’d find it rly funny too like ommmmggggggg i’m a skeleton in ur closet tht is so fun if u get famous i cld be blasted all over perez hilton that’s kind of sexy..... bt............... mayb she’d as a joke be like. mayb we shld watch it one last time before u delete it. kind of like a funeral service. a goodbye party. sailing out the flaming viking raft n paying our respects u know??? n they were joking bk n forth bt then she’d be like. seriously tho mayb we should? growing more accustomed to the idea actually being a genuine one even tho tht is fking. the WORST idea i have EVER heard in the world like i do NOT know how lana wld think she has the self control to do that bt in her head she’s like. teddy n i are jst best friends now... it’s fine........... we’re open w each other it’s just a bit of fun.......... n then i can imagine if he went along w this it’s like a game of chicken they’re playing w each other where they’re both like fking hell shd we do this.... dnt wna seem like I’M the one tht thinks i can’t handle it........ n it’s some back n forth like nick n jess in new girl where they’re daring each other to have the threeway w the landlord. bt then like not even.... a minute into watching it as they’re both silently holding their breath n crunching popcorn they mde for the occasion (insisting on acting like it ws just a normal movie night) lana wld literally have to be like. slams laptop shut. UMMMM i forgot.... i....... have a very important meeting......... n teddy’s just like. meeting? u don’t have a job... what are u ta-- n she’s like A MEETING A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING...... very blatantly squirming around as she slowly gets up n tries to head fr the door... n teddy’s like.... taking the excuse without much question too like... ya i have to run lines actually i jst remembered gt an audition coming up..... n they’re both like ya haha... maybe some other time.... or maybe just delete it it’s whatever.... anyway we gtg haha... bye.... ttyl...... lana wld literally hv to SPRINT out of there to go home n. deal w how flustered this made her i won’t lie. she bumps into parker n is all flushed in the face n is just like CAN’T TALK BYE n takes off sprinting again like some kind of freak. it’d b a train wreck. i jst think that’d b rly funny tho n dare i say it? it’s canon. 

[luxfurem]

slam dunks this in here🎰 also lmk if u need a list of my muses, cries, i know there's a lot

this randomized ships meme. / not accepting. | @gildedscripture

lowkey this took two days, i’m not going to do this again adgjdfgfd. anygays, here are the candidates:

gildedscripture:

lisa

nemesis

ai

misa

howl

khrysophos:

Alice Longbottom.

Rheanys III Targaryen.

Harshaw.

Nikolai Lantsov.

Theodore Nott.

lisa & alice: gryffindor kids. alice is, as a matter of fact, from germany, so all i’m saying is exactly what i’m saying here. she was born in germany, went to durmstrang for a short period of time, but after her father died, her mother moved back to england and she was sorted into gryffindor belatedly. they could at the very least be friends based on having that in common, OR, you know, be a powercouple, where alice is that badass auror, and lisa… well i don’t know what she does in hp context, but we can talk about it :)))

lisa & rhaenys: honestly dunno where to start. rhaenys is my dornish dragon daughter with a determination to get back her father’s throne from the usurper. she survived the sacking of king’s landing because she was whisked away by someone. she grew up in dorne, raised by her uncles. we can totally talk about other verses! i think the two of them would totally get along because they’re both kind, easy to befriend, readily smiling, that kinda vibe? rhaenys can be ambitious and driven but she would never be unkind for no reason --- she’s much too smart to make enemies like that, anyway.

lisa & harshaw: oh man. harshaw is a silly one. he’s an etherealki, basically he controls fire. bit of a pyromaniac, but he won’t burn anyone. he just really likes fire. has a pet cat. don’t think he’d like all the dogs she has. i don’t know how well she’d handle his unusual actions? he’s not a bad guy, though. can be relied on. does she need a firemaker of sorts? he’s a simper. he’d probably simp for her, easily. powerful women make his dick inflate a little. i dunno what else to tell you.

lisa & nikolai: so? honestly? it could be either/or. nikolai OOZES confidence, like. you haven’t seen a man ooze confidence the way nik does. he’s prince-hiding-as-privateer in his own world, and in hp he is a ravenclaw who leads a guerilla movement against death eaters that’s a little different than the order. he’ll do anything for his people, really. he’d try to get into her good books, especially if she could help him in his endeavors, but he’s not cunning or underhanded about it. i think his attitude could amuse her? business partners?

lisa & theo: see. theo is… he’s a loner. when you get on his turf and he doesn’t want you there, be prepared for a volley of sarcasm or just plain closed-offness. he struggles with his asexuality and how to put it into words, and as a result is hard to befriend. his type of kindness is a sort of aloof kind. it’s simple and without comment. making sure you drink by placing a waterbottle in front of you, reminding you to take your meds, that kind of stuff. he likes kind people, so lisa would probably at the very least not bother him. friendship-wise, something sibling-y could definitely bloom if given the time and energy.

nemesis & alice: unlikely gryff/slytherin friendships? nemesis is technically older than alice, so there’s that. gosh idk where to go with them. pls help me out.

nemesis & rhaenys: uhm….. slytherin friendships! or wink-wonk-yness. they would probably get along? rhaenys is very outspoken, but to the people she thinks she can trust. nemesis would probably be one of them? could prove interesting.

nemesis & harshaw: he wants to know if she wants to pet his cat. her name is oncat. the cat is cute. maybe next up they can advance to her petting him? on his head!!!! i have no idea. he’s a bit of an oddball, say luna but with a… love for fire. 

nemesis & nikolai: nik will be sweet to her, esp if she isn’t too deeply stuck in pureblood ideals. he’s the type of person that tolerates the “nobility” bc he needs them, being prince in his own verse, but he’s very much a forger of his own path, a man of the people, and yeah… 

nemesis & theo: i mean, does she want a silent but solid presence at her side? theo’s her man. he wouldn’t bother her i suppose. also nemesis being way older i suppose would mean a different dynamic, unless we’re talking aus here? i dunno. god i’m shit at this.

ai & alice: do i think alice would contact ai for some vengeance, the cost being her own soul? hell yeah! send voldemort to hell, ai, the world will be better off. alice would be a little intimidated, but she’s a lioness so she wouldn’t let it show afgfdgd. 

ai & rhaenys: rhaenys would try to figure out a way to have ai’s type of vengeance without it costing her soul. wouldn’t work, i assume, but not for lack of her trying. they’d get along, i think? rhaenys would be kind to her.

ai & harshaw: harshaw saw she can throw fireballs and they’re instantly best friends. that’s just the way it is now. they’re pals, besties, a team. she throws the fireballs, he’ll help them along. oh hey, ai, did you know he has a cat? lmao.

ai & nikolai: first of, that rhymes. i think nikolai would find her very interesting, but wouldn’t be too interested in her services, mostly bc he’s got more than one person in his way in his verse and to sell his soul for just one when he can figure out other means to thwart them… seems useless to him.

ai & theo: they’re both closed-off people. i suppose they could get along in silent companionship. he’d be scared of her, tbh, if he knew what she was/what she does, but still, silent solidarity is a strong motivator? 

misa & alice: gryffindors! GRYFFS! alice wants to protect her tbh. she’s so sweet! i wonder if alice knows better than to see her as just dumb. that it’s an act of sorts. in any case, alice can be the butch-esque girlfriend misa is looking for, is all i’m saying.

misa & rhaenys: rhaenys would… tolerate misa, but the dumb act is lowkey getting on her nerves. still, so long as she’s not opposing rhaenys in any way, shape or form, all is good! so… so yeah, that’s the tea here. sip sip.

misa & harshaw: they’re both edgy. a little oddball-ish. does she want to see his cat? god i need to stop with that joke. anyway! uhm. they can get up to some shenanigans. he thinks she’s sweet, and cute. not his type but that sentiment goes both ways so there’s that. 

misa & nikolai: nik doesn’t have it in him to be mean to her. he’s observant enough to have a guess that she might not be so airheaded as she pretends to be, and he admires her for that. i don’t know how well they’d get along, nikolai is always busy, learning, helping. could prove to be interesting, i suppose? 

misa & theo: theo probably thinks misa is a little annoying, he doesn’t really know how to talk to her without feeling like it’s kind of empty. this could change, though, they could learn to get along. i feel like it’d take a lot of time and a lot of patience, perhaps an incident that would help them understand each other a little better, that kind of jazz. 

howl & alice: see i feel like this could either be the greatest success or the biggest disaster. howl being flamboyant versus alice who is straightforward and sassy, either they hit it off immediately or they are arguing the entire time. alice definitely wouldn’t put up with some bs, being upfront with him, but maybe he needs that?

howl & rhaenys: she’s fascinated by his magic, thinks he’s a little extra but it makes her laugh? so in a sense, that couldn’t be bad. since she’s a targ, she’s fireproof? that’s her trick. hope he likes it. oh and she has a special bond with dragons, maybe he thinks that cool, too. teach her some magic, she wants to know. for innocent reasons, no like… overthrowing usurpers, no no!

howl & harshaw: a wizard with a fire-demon versus an etherealki with a fire-obsession? what could go wrong tbh. howl will have to put up with the cat but i’m sure he’ll manage. i think they’d get along? harshaw is odd enough to catch howl off guard every now and again. maybe do keep an eye on him, though. wouldn’t want him to accidentally set a fire.

howl & nikolai: they’re both flamboyant and blonde, i feel like they might as well be the same person, except one is a wizard and the other is a prince. nik isn’t as dramatic, but he’s still kind of extra. thinks very highly of himself, always has a comeback, a backup plan. i have no idea what kind of relationship can come from this, but i feel like they’d get along, somehow. just bc they’re so similar. they could potentially trip over the fact that nik is very duty-oriented and howl avoids active duty? or the draft, rather.

howl & theo: if howl can drag theo out from behind his walls, all the power to howl tbh. either i imagine howl will be frustrated at the lack of response to his antics, or he’ll try harder? hope howl likes getting dragged fgdgd. maybe they’ll drag each other. i’d pay money for this tbh.

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 3: “She hates girls”- Dani

I AM PISSED. I AM SO MAD AT BRANDAN RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE HECK. I WAS TOTALLY TRANSPARENT WITH HIM. HONESTLY??? I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUtT FLIPPING WITH HIM AND JULIAN IFFFFF THEY WOULD HAVE ASKED ME. AND JULIAN?? I TOLD HIM I HEARD HIS NAME, I TOLD HIM. WHY IS HE ATTACKING ME FOR BEING HONEST??? I'm so glad I have Lucy and Andreas but Brandan better waTCH OUT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT HONEST WITH HIM. WHAT THE HECK i'm sorry, i'm just so MAD right now

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO all my alliance members are on different tribes, I am so sad. ALso I'm with Brandan. -___________- I don't know who else is even on my tribe. I like Kevin and the others are all okay but UGH WHY BRANDAN WHEN I AM SO IRRITATED WITH HIM STILL?? bring me back lucy and andreas :( 

Okay so yay for a tribe swap but uhm it's kinda homophobic that not only am I not on a tribe with Dani or Ryan, but that I can't even speak to them now!! I'm still drinking with Dani on Saturday though so suck it hosts. This tribe is alright, like I said not my favorite set up but I don't feel completely screwed. I'm with Joey which is good because he's loyal to me, but people are going to assume we're working together since he picked me, also he isn't good at talking to new people so idk if that's gonna end up bad for us lolol. But yay for being on a tribe with Sarah! Idk she's iconic and I'd like to work with her. I talked to Andreas for a bit and he was nice, I'd hope we could work together. I started talking to Junior again before the swap so I don't feel completely off on him. Billy is the only one I've barely talked to, but he was on Sarah's old tribe so I think they're gonna stick together??? I just hope that we can win some challenges so that I don't have to worry.

when trace and johnny give you lemons.... (ie- brandan) you make lemonade. I am currently kissing brandan's ASS right now. i told him that if he and julian asked me to flip i would have and all kinds of other lies just because i don't need any drama with him on this tribe going forward, I NEED numbers so whatever i'm going to be his new best friend and pretend to forget about tribal but I'm still PISSED. 

This tribe swap is fucking disgusting. Why do i have to be on a tribe with junior. Im just glad jake is here and maybe him, billy and i can work together and grab someone else to work with us if we go to tribal 

Okay so last night I was on call with Joey and he was like "someone told me you wanted to vote me out round 1" and I was like yeah it's true but you didn't have to say it. And big surprise it was Keaton that told him this. So now it's a new day and lo and behold I'm on a tribe with Keaton's snake ass and as much as I don't trust him I have to play nice because the boy knows WAY too much about my game and my personal life for me to risk crossing him so basically I just go from one migraine to another bouncing between my exes. If I get swap fucked I will be showing up in Johnny's PMs with virtual pitchforks. xoxo Madison

https://youtu.be/5oLRQqS00UU

VL Confessional Cause you tried to play both sides You got caught up in your lies And now you're runnin' You're runnin' out of time Try again, cause the game is over https://imgflip.com/gif/2vicz3

Wtf! Why did we switch tribes right as I felt so good????? Now I’m in a tribe where I feel like I can’t connect to anyone except dan and sometimes Tom. I made an alliance with Tom, Madison, and Dan. I’m trying to ensure our safety Incase we do go to tribal. Keaton came to me and said he wants to target Madison and honestly I’m really down for that. So I think I can use this as an advantage. I can either tell Madison Keaton is after him and we get him. Or I can team up with Keaton and Lucy and get one other person to flip and we get Madison. Tbh only down for Madison because she doesn’t seem to like me at all. I’ve also heard she hates girls. Which is a little obvious :p. I hate that. GIRLS GOTTA PROTECT GIRLS. But nooooo she loves attention. Ok ranting done.

VL CONFESSIONAL I feel like Jake is my #1, but Dani is visiting him today(lucky girl.) I feel like I would do a disservice to a majority of straight men in this game if I didn’t hum the intro to “Ether” at least once. Also, fuck Jay-Z.

Heya, time for a little update! As of now, I am getting a little frustrated with my tribe (love Jake though). But before I get carried away, let's see how well we do in the immunity challenge. I am not sold on the song choice, but I appreciate that a few people give active input. I'll do my part as best as I can and hope that it'll be enough for at least 2nd place... Should we lose, I'll try to get a solid group with Jake and Junior, and add a player, who one of the other three wanna vote for. At this point, none of Joey, Sarah or Billy play a major role for my future plans in this game. Billy could become a close ally as he seems to be very underrated in this game. Sarah could become a close ally because she's a cool cat. Joey idk about. We're not bonding that well rn. 

I have no faith in my tribe at all I somehow feel like this video is about to be 3 minutes of just me and a cameo of mark and his adorable kids x_x Time to make my cousins make some videos with me so I have a lot to edit in because I SURE can’t rap in time with this song 

Okay Isaac is sending weird clips of himself from challenges I’m not sure if that will cut it but I’ll take whatever I can edit together at this point DJSJS

Me seeing the other videos and prepping to go to tribal... also a picture of Tom booty poppin should be on the dvd cover

VL CONFESSIONAL THANK YOU JUDGESSSSSSSSSS! YOU GUYS ROCK! JESS LET ME BUY YOU A BUNCH OF TIM HORTONS. Alyssa, fried chicken at Red Rooster on me when I visit😃?

I know I haven’t been around much. But I hate this swap. I hate this tribe. I know NO ONE who I feel will be willing to keep me safe with them. So I actually have to work hard to talk to people. Music videos are not my forte. But I have to contribute because if we lose then I’ll be someone on the chopping block for sure. And I can’t have that. I’m just hopping we can slam challenges and then we can make it to the next swap. But I hope Sarah and Jake stay close with me. I really like them both. Jake is really cool to talk to and he’s not bad to look at either. Sarah is my soul sister. Then there’s Joey, who has this plan to get rid of Andreas and honestly I’m kinda ok with it. Anyone but me is how I’m feeling. I just gonna find somewhere to sink my teeth into this game and take a bite. I don’t want to be a background day player with no story line and shitty gameplay.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zfISjcq23KU

Okay so I think I'm gonna go for Billy this round. I didn't want to lose because I think I have good connections with everyone on our tribe, but someone's gotta go. Billy makes me worried now because he said in our tribe chat that Tom told him we lost, so bitch you cross tribaling??? Andreas and Junior both told me they like me and each other so I think they're trying to form a group of 3 there? Sarah also said she liked me and Billy and I like Sarah but it might be hard trying to get her to vote Billy out. Joey originally said he wanted Andreas out and that he likes Billy, but Billy told me and Junior that Joey was spreading Andreas name, so I let Joey know that Billy's doing that, and I think Joey trusts him less now. We'll see what happens. I just don't my name going around like last time. I just need another tribe swap ASAP.

So now were going to tribal bc johnny announced the results wrong. Johnny is a pissy player and cant stand when other hosts mess up but wants us to understand when he does..hm TEA Anyways ill see what i can do to make sure I do not go home. I think i have junior, and jake and billy but we shall see

Literally fuck off. HOW IS IT FAIR THAT THE HOSTS fucked up and they wont give us an extension??? INTERESTING????????? Why does one tribe get over a day and we get less than 12 hours..lol ok what ever maybe get your fucking shit together before fucking over ppls games 

Well look at it, we lost again. Great! Just great! And people seem to be thrilled to go to Tribal Council! They're so excited that they throw the challenges! So me being a straight shooter, I immediately target Billy, who has slacked the most on this new tribe and would be a fair call (on paper). But it's only natural that people have their own agenda and I am being targeted by Joey and Billy at least. Sure, Joey might still be up in the air, but either way, I NEED to believe in Jake and Junior here to vote for for Billy, or I am toast. And if Billy doesn't step up next round, so are Jake and Junior. I have nothing against Billy, but this season we don't really get along too well. We had a fun chat today, but it felt like it was too little to late for me in this season. Let's see what happens in this mess of a round :D Love Johnny though, I don't blame him. I really wanna stay and fight for all the people on my tribe to stay in this game!

Ok, so as per usual in premerge, my fate rests within other peoples hands. That's just how I play and that's totally okay with me. The scenarios I can see are: 4-2 Billy/Me (which is what's being sold to me sort of with Billy and Sarah voting for me) 4-2 Me/Billy (if Jake sticks to Joey and they decide to ride the tide and vote out Billy over Junior if they lose another TC) 5-1 Me/Billy (if they all wanna be safe lmao, but Junior seems really sincere, so I doubt this happens!) I can't scramble too hard at this vote, because I really feel that Jake wants to keep me around and me reaching out to others will make me appear like a bigger name to write down. I 50:50 Hate/Love each tribe I'm on and I hate that I am such a sulky old man in this season, but that's just a new facette of good old me.

https://youtu.be/i6ZY0hrvDaM

I am SO glad that we won! the judges were HARSH, huh? But it's okay, we still won! I really hope that andreas is going to be okay tonight, I'm just a little worried but I think maybe Billy will be the one to go?? Maybe. 

I fucking wrote out a long ass confessional and then it refreshed and I wanna die, so here are the highlights: I love how Johnny has progressed enough in life to recruit 5 iconic female judges in the name of feminism, but has not progressed enough to perform basic arithmetic I want the f5 to be original Robinsons and I trust them as follows: Mark > Dani = Ryan > Junior I want a f3 with Mark and Junior because Dani is a big social threat and I would always vote for a woman over a man because fuck men, and it’s like the laws of feminism I’m really happy I haven’t had to go to tribal yet, let’s keep it moving and NO DOUBLE OR TRIPLE TRIBALS PLSSSS

It looks like this is a wrap y’all. Unless sarah actually pulled some miracle out of her ass and convinced them all to vote Andreas then it’s time to blow my flame out. I’ve been on the outs ever since I was picked last. So I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise. 

[sagexbrush]

keep your head up (i’ll lay my heart down)

or read it on a03

From: Unknown Number 

[9:30 AM]

hey so do u maybe want to talk about tonite?  

To: Unknown Number

[9:31 AM]

I think you have the wrong number.

From: Unknown Number

[9:32 AM]

wait so you’re saying this isn’t kayla?

To Unknown Number

[9:33 AM]

No, this isn’t Kayla. Looks like someone gave you the wrong number.

“Is Amy texting someone?” Gina asks loudly, peering over Amy’s shoulder.  She always has a habit of popping up in the most unexpected places. 

Amy jumps about a foot in the air and promptly shuts her phone in the nearest possible drawer. 

“On her personal phone?” Gina adds, helpfully. The personal phone was something that Gina and the others never ceased teasing her about. At first, they’d thought Amy was hiding something from them until she told them the reasoning behind it. 

She had gotten the advice from her first ever Sergeant. 

“You ever want to survive this place?” The older woman had said, “then keep two phones. That way you know if it’s a personal emergency or a work emergency.”

Amy considers that woman (wherever she may be) to be her first ever mentor, so of course she had two phones. That way she could also keep her work line clear for a real emergency. Except that her coworkers seemed to think it was hilarious to send gifs of kittens in the group chat instead of actual crime info (thanks so much Jake).

“It was just someone who had the wrong number,” Amy says quickly, before she can really think about it. 

“Oh Amy,” Gina says, shaking her head slowly. “You say that like it was supposed to make it sound better.” 

Amy makes a face at her. 

That’s when Jake approaches them. He doesn’t have the perp he was chasing down with him, so Amy assumes that his bust didn’t go quite as perfectly as he’d bragged. He’s holding his (solitary) phone and frowning down at it. “What are we talking about?” 

“Amy’s pathetic life,” Gina supplies helpfully. 

“It is not pathetic - “ Amy protests but Jake merely nods like this is a factual statement. “I can’t stand any of you people,” she says, spinning her desk chair around. 

“Gina I think you gave me the wrong number, are you sure this is what - “ 

“Jake, I am not your personal assistant.” 

She doesn’t check her personal phone until later that night. Really, maybe Gina is right. Amy is pathetic. She has a phone for work and a personal phone, and half the time she forgets that the personal phone exists. The wrong number text had been a surprise, for god’s sake. It was perhaps time to resort out her priorities. 

There’s only two messages: one is a text reminder from her doctor’s office and the other one if from the unknown number from earlier.

From: Unknown Number

[9:34 AM]

no no, i wasn’t trying to hit on kayla. kayla is my dad’s gf and she was supposed to tell me when he’s next flying thru.

Amy shouldn’t text back. Pathetic, Gina’s voice says in her mind. 

Ha, Amy thinks back. I’ll show you. I can have a conversation with someone outside of work that’s not family or Kylie. 

To: Unknown Number

[8:02 PM]

Sorry for assuming things. Sorry about Kayla. Sounds rough.

From: Unknown Number

[8:10 PM]

ah no you’re good. for the record tho, the ladies love me. 

To: Unknown Number

[8:11 PM]

Have you ever heard of humility?

From: Unknown Number

  [8:17 PM] 

only nerds know big words like humility

To: Unknown Number

[8:20 PM] 

That’s not even a big word.

From: Unknown Number

[8:22 PM]

send me a big word 

To: Unknown Number

[8:24 PM]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

From: Unknown Number

[8:30 PM]

i see what u did there.

One failed case and a day later: Amy feels like throwing something at a wall. Or maybe something out a window. Or herself out that window. Or Jake. Yes, that’ll do. She’ll throw Jake out a window. 

“Do you want something Peralta?” She snaps, when she notices Jake is staring at her instead of filling out his arrest report. His successful arrest report, because of course he was successful today. (She’s conveniently forgotten about his failure yesterday.) 

“Only to ask if I should evacuate the premises because you look like you’re about to melt something with your laser eyes.” He’s clearly trying to be funny, his mouth quirked up in that infuriating smirk. Even his posture speaks of relaxation, leaned back with his shoulders slumped. Lucky him.

“Oh shut up,” Amy snaps. It’s harsher than she usually is with Jake and he recoils slightly in surprise. She allows herself to feel exactly two seconds of guilt and then refocuses on the task at hand. She can do this. She’s a Santiago, after all. 

Her concentration lasts for about three more seconds until her phone buzzes. 

From: Unknown Number

  [1:42 PM]

i realize this is a weird question to ask bc we’re not really friends but r u a girl? 

From: Unknown Number

  [1:42 PM]

not in a creepy way. i need advice on a girl situation and all my other girl friends know too much.

Amy looks up. Rosa and Charles are out on a stakeout, Holt is securely in his office, Terry is filling out his paperwork and Jake is texting someone on his phone. Surely no one would mind if she did some texting of her own. Jake wasn’t the only one could bend the rules. 

It’s with a sort of defiance that she continues their conversation. 

From: Unknown Number

[1:43 PM]

if it makes it seem less creepy, ur name is mary poppins in my phone.

To: Unknown Number

[1:44 PM]

You saved my number?

From: Unknown Number

[1:44 PM]

i promise i’m not a creeper you just seemed like a nice person to talk to

Amy hesitates, before adding his number as a contact into her phone. She looks for a moment at his real number…it almost looks familiar? She brushes that notion aside, it’s not like she knows that many people’s numbers. She’s barely memorized her mother’s. 

Besides, she was a cop. If this person tried to pull anything with her…well he’d find out the consequences the hard way. Amy Santiago wasn’t someone who could be messed with. 

To: Creeper?

[1:46 PM]

Okay. Shoot me your question.

From: Creeper?

[1:46 PM]

this girl i like is really upset today and i’m just making it worse. what should i do?

Ah, just Amy’s luck. The only boy who’s been even remotely talking to her out of work likes someone else. She changes his contact name almost immediately to something more fitting the circumstances

. If this was a romantic comedy, Amy would be the quirky one that both of the love interests loved as a friend.

(The character that usually ended up alone.) 

(AKA, story of her life.)

To: Lover Boy

[1:48 PM]

Ask her what’s wrong once she’s cooled off a bit. If it’s something you can help with, help her with it. If not, just give her some space. 

She shuts her phone in her desk drawer after that. She takes a few deep breaths while massaging her temples. The case file in front of her looks like absolute gibberish and that’s not even considering the fact that the perp got away. That she practically let him get away with her sloppy detective work. She goes to get another cup of coffee, even though it’s probably a bad idea at this point. It’s something warm to hold, at least. She couldn’t imagine the level of teasing that would ensue if she started drinking hot chocolate on the job. 

“Hey Santiago?” Jake looks a little less relaxed than before, but that infuriating smirk is never truly gone. She’s only seen him angry once, and that was when a police officer was trying to help his friend escape persecution. (She had been surprised to see that he did, in fact, have a range of emotions.) 

“My lasers have been deactivated,” she mumbles. “In case you were wondering, you don’t need to evacuate.”

“I was actually just going to ask if you need any help? Not that you’re not a perfectly capable detective, but a fresh pair of eyes might be of assistance?”

She’s too frustrated to note his adult vocabulary, instead disturbed by how much this appeals to her. It’s not a bad idea. It feels almost insulting to accept Jake’s help but… well for once he didn’t look like he was rubbing it in her face. He almost looked like he genuinely wanted to help. His entire posture is open, eyes almost sparkling a little bit. 

(Maybe she needs five more cups of coffee. With shots.) 

  “Sure,” she says, handing him the case file. “I had a lead on him this morning, but he got away. Now I have no idea where he could be hiding out.”

“It says here his favorite restaurant is the burger place by that seedy gas station?” Jake frowns. “How did you get that information?”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Amy says. “I asked the staff and they hadn’t seen him for several months. He’s been on to us at every turn.”

“Doesn’t mean that it still can’t be a good place to start,” Jake says, standing up. “Besides, you can buy me dinner after I solve your case.” It’s accompanied by a blinding smile, which Amy can’t help but return. 

“Oh in your dreams Peralta,” Amy rolls her eyes. “Just because I’m letting you ‘help me out’ doesn’t mean you get to take all the credit for the literal months of work I’ve put down.” 

Two hours they find the perp in a gas station near the burger place almost entirely by accident. He doesn’t get away again because Jake is blocking the other exit, slamming him down into the ground and grinning up at her.

“Looks like you owe me dinner,” he says, as he fastens the handcuffs about the perp’s wrists. 

Sometimes she forgets that police work is intended to have two people at all times. (That, and sometimes she forgets just how good of a cop Jake is.) 

She forgets to check her phone until she’s almost about to go to bed, head aching with exhaustion from the day. 

From: Lover Boy

[2:05 PM]

it worked. thx.

To: Lover Boy

[10:13 PM]

You’re welcome. Did you ask her out?

From: Lover Boy

[10:15 PM]

its kind of complicated bc i like her a lot but she hates me? idk. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:16 PM]

I doubt she hates you. You can’t always predict what people are thinking. Maybe she’s just pretending to hate you. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:17 PM]

maybe. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:18 PM]

I’m not going to get arrested for talking to you, am I? 

From: Lover Boy

[10:19 PM]

not unless ur committing a crime. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:20 PM]

im realizing now u meant other things. i’m thirty three. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:21 PM] 

I’m twenty-nine.

To: Lover Boy

[10:25 PM]

I was thinking, if you wanted of course… I could help you with this relationship with this girl? You don’t need to tell me any personal information or anything, I could just give you advice. If you wanted it.

From: Lover Boy

[10:27 PM]

your contact name has officially been changed to fairy godmother.

To: Lover Boy

[10:28 PM] 

Ha ha. You can tell my more about this dream girl tomorrow, then. I have to be at work early. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:29 PM] 

gnite fairy godmother

“Oh wow,” Gina says. “The personal phone is out on the desk today. Does that mean you’re waiting for a gentlemen caller?” She’s leaning against Amy’s desk and Amy is really trying to focus on this paperwork. She just needs Jake’s signature now. 

“Maybe,” Amy says, trying for elusiveness. 

“Oh honey,” Gina says. “Nice try.”

“Whatever,” Amy says. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t you have work to do?”

“Oh but this is so much more interesting,” Gina says. “Why don’t you let me try and set you up with someone again?”

“Last time you tried to set me up it was a nightmare,” Amy says. “My dating life is just fine, thank you very much.” 

Really, her dating life consists of binge watching Netflix TV shows and sad dates that her mother sets up for her. Gina can’t know that. Neither can Jake, who’s leaning across his desk to listen in on this conversation. 

“Are you waiting for a text from a boy?” he asks.

“Oh my god,” Amy says, cheeks burning. She slams the phone in her drawer. “Happy?” 

Gina saunters off. Jake scoops up his car keys and turns for the door. 

“Before you go,” Amy says, determinedly not looking at him, “I need you to sign this.”

He signs it way more quickly than she would have done, but he doesn’t leave right away. He lingers, his presence almost more of a sound than a sight. 

“Hey,” he says suddenly. Amy looks up. “I didn’t mean to - I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well great job,” Amy says in that sweet voice she reserves for true annoyance. This time the guilt lingers for slightly longer and then, “Sorry. I just don’t like how my dating life is a constant source of amusement for everyone.”

“I wouldn’t say constant,” Jake says, winking. “Just occasionally. Charles? You ready?”

She’s still glowering at her computer when she hears her phone buzz inside her desk drawer. She waits until Gina is securely in the break room to text anything back. 

From: Lover Boy 

[11:15 AM]

how do u tell if a girl is really annoyed or she’s fake annoyed

To: Lover Boy

[11:25 AM] 

Context clues, I guess. Were you teasing her about something she’s self conscious about?

“Loveeeeer boy?” Gina croons, appearing from seemingly nowhere. Amy jumps about a foot in the air.

“Have you heard of such a thing as privacy?” Amy hisses. 

“There’s no such thing as privacy when you’re holding your phone like that,” Gina says. “You’re practically asking for someone to look over your shoulder. Who’s Lover Boy, huh?” 

In hindsight, maybe Amy should have picked a different name for this mysterious man she’s been texting. Then again, it came with it’s side benefits. 

This next moment is one of the most satisfying moments of Amy’s entire career. 

“None of your business,” she tells Gina, and shuts the phone back into the drawer.

She waits until she’s off of work to look at her personal phone (mostly to rub it in Gina’s face when she can’t get anymore gossip than she needs) and spends as long as possible reviewing her brother’s latest message about his daughter’s preschool project before she goes back to their conversation. To show herself that she’s not attached to the situation, nope. Not at all. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:30 AM]

well she’s kind of self conscious about herself w/ other ppl sometimes. our colleagues tease her a lot and i kind of jumped on board w/ it sometimes.

You and me both, Amy thought. Turns out she had more in common with Lover Boy’s girl than she thought. 

From: Lover Boy

[2:30 PM]

according to my friend she’s apparently seeing someone else now

To: Lover Boy

[6:32 PM] 

Who?

From: Lover Boy

[6:33 PM] 

idk. she won’t tell us. we’ve teased her about past bfs.

To: Lover Boy

[6:34 PM]

Does she ever tease you back? Seem to enjoy your interactions?

From: Lover Boy

[9:45 PM]

srry i was drowning my sorrows. or am? the night is still young.

To: Lover Boy

[9:50 PM] 

Wow, giving up that soon?

From: Lover Boy

[9:51 PM]

no no no. ive liked thsi girl since like what feels like forever

From: Lover Boy

[9:51 PM]

i mean she’s like perfect. u know? smart and funny and pretty

To: Lover Boy

[9:52 PM] 

Then why are you getting drunk right now?

From: Lover Boy

[9:52 PM]

bc shes dating someone else again

To: Lover Boy

[9:53 PM]

Again?

From: Lover Boy

[9:54 PM]

ppl r always trying to set her up w/ some boy. idk y, but now ive missed my shot

Amy’s curled up on her couch with Harry Potter playing in the background and feels less lonely for whatever reason. It’s nice to feel like there’s someone else out there that could be completely failing in the romance department. 

For whatever reason, she really wants Lover Boy to succeed. Every rational thought is telling her that growing weirdly attached to some boy through text message is a stupid thing to do, but at the same time she couldn’t imagine giving up the easiness that’s sprung between them. It’s simpler than any friendship she’s had before. 

To: Lover Boy

[9:57 PM]

You don’t know that yet. There’s always a chance, and you can’t give up just yet. Tomorrow you should tell me more about her, when you’re sober. 

She goes to bed at a reasonable time, but it still takes two alarm clocks to wake her up. She has five drunk texts from Jake on her work phone which she ignores, and instead focuses on the personal phone.

From: Lover Boy

[1:30 AM]

okay did i tell you that she smells like dreams

From: Lover Boy

[1:30 AM]

dreAMS mySTERY INTERNET WOMAN

From: Lover Boy

[1:45 AM]

she also is like rlly funny. did i say that? nobody else thinks shes funny but i could listen to her talk all day long

From: Lover Boy

[2:30 AM] 

do u know how to delete messages from someone elses phone?

To: Lover Boy

[6:45 AM]

What did you send her?

She barely scans through the texts from Jake (something about smelling meadows? What was it with boys and their noses?) before she texts him back. 

To: Jake Peralta

[6:50 AM]

You sure you can handle coming into work? Need me to take over your cases?

She’s feeling overwhelmingly cheerful today. One, true love is possible (look at Lover Boy and the girl that was like her) and she was going to get to watch Jake Peralta with an extreme hangover all day.

She makes a strong cup of coffee and settles in to watch the morning news.

From: Jake Peralta

[7:35 AM] 

dont b ridiculous santiago in ur dreams

She rolls her eyes and begins to plot all the ways she’s going to make his hangover life miserable today. It involves loud noises, revolting smells, and a particularly irritating case that she thinks she can get Holt to make him work with her on.

Although, she has to admit that she’s impressed he’s awake this early. Maybe he hadn’t slept at all? 

Her personal phone buzzes. Finally, something she’s interested in. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:36 AM]

false alarm, she didnt read into it

To: Lover Boy

[7:38 AM]

I wouldn’t worry about. My colleague drunk texts me all the time. Including last night.

From: Lover Boy

[7:39 AM]

hav to sympathize w/ him i feel like death. were his drunk texts as good as mine?

To: Lover Boy

[7:39 AM]

No. He’s just an idiot, really. Probably will roll into work half an hour late because he was sleeping with some random person from the bar. He always does this. I just wish he’d stop sometimes and give me a break really. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:40 AM]

why do you care so much

Amy freezes. She’s too distracted to even notice that he didn’t use those childish abbreviations for once, her heart stopping in her chest. He’s absolutely right of course: why does she care? She does, in some weird part of herself that she hasn’t examined before. 

She really, really cares that Jake was probably out having a one night stand the night before.

From: Lover Boy

[7:43 AM]

srry if that was too forward. hangover

From: Lover Boy

[7:47 AM]

w/ this girl i like, i kept trying to deny it over and over again. it took me years to figure it out bc emotions are confusing and i still dont know what she means to me. so if ur going thru a crisis im here.

(Texting back feels like an acknowledgment, so she ignores it.) 

She is almost late to work, breezing in about the same time as Jake. He, predictably, looks like death. Which she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care that the shadows under his eyes look as if they could swallow him whole, doesn’t care that his hands appear to be shaking slightly and for once he looks nervous. 

“Amy,” he says, before they can leave the parking garage. Why did they have to arrive at the same time, today of all days?

Not that it mattered.

Lover boy doesn’t know me.

“Yeah?”

“I was hoping you could give me some advice,” Jake says, scratching the back of his head. “You know. Because you’re wise and all that.” 

“What kind of advice?” 

“How to talk to someone advice. I think I said something wrong this morning, but I like talking to this person, and I don’t want to screw everything up -”

Amy bristles. She was sure he had probably said something wrong to whatever person’s bed he had rolled out of this morning. Well, she wasn’t about to be apart of it. Not that she cared. Amy Santiago didn’t care. 

“Look Peralta,” she snaps, “I’m not about to start mixing our personal and work lives because you screwed up with someone you met when you were drunk off your mind. And also? Stop drunk texting me. It’s not cute. I’m sure you did say something wrong, so maybe you should just apologize instead of talking to other people about it.” 

She stomps off, not even registering what she’s done until they’re in the morning briefing and Jake still isn’t there. 

“Has anyone seen Peralta?” Holt asks. Amy’s about to say that she has seen him when he stumbles in. He looks almost no different from this morning, but weirdly…damp?

“What happened to you?” Rosa demands.

“Splashed some water on my face,” he mumbles. “You know. Reopen the senses.”

“And you needed to soak your hair because…?”

“I was really tired, okay?”

“Enough,” Holt barks. “We will get back to the matter at hand…”

Amy approaches Jake approximately three hours later, when she feels like she can’t stand it anymore. She had been unfair, she knew she had. She was just…upset. For whatever reason. A reason totally unrelated to whether or not she cared. (Of course.) 

“Jake,” she says. He looks surprised and she reminds herself that she should probably use his real name more often. “Look, about earlier…”

“I get it,” he says. “Sorry. About overstepping personal and work. I just didn’t realize I was working with two Rosas.” 

“I’m sorry,” Amy says again. “I just had a rough morning. I took it out on you.”

Jake smiles at her. “You’re forgiven,” he says. “Now, can you go and be loud somewhere else? My head feels like it’s filled with nails.”

(She makes sure to drop a stapler onto the floor less than five minutes later. Just because he’s made her feel guilty didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little fun too.) 

From: Lover Boy

[8:15 AM]

idk what i messed up but shes rlly mad at me. drunk texts apparently a bigger deal than i thought. and i rlly didnt mean to offend u earlier, im sorry. 

From: Lover Boy

[12:10 PM]

jk. we’re golden fairy godmother. false alarm. but i rlly hope you can forgive me for what i said earlier, it was crossing a line. 

“Who’re you texting?” Jake asks. 

Amy looks up at him. It’s rare that they take their lunch breaks together, but their schedules synched up and now she has a closer proximity to Jake than she thinks she wants to. From this close, she can see each line around his eyes that radiates when he smiles. She likes his smile, but that’s more about his mouth than him. 

Lover Boy was ridiculous, she thought. Ridiculous. She didn’t like Jake Peralta. 

“A mysterious fellow,” Amy says.

Jake raises an eyebrow. “More mysterious than the dude with the mesh underpants?”

“How did you hear about that?” Amy demands. “I told Gina that in confidence.” 

“Hey - I’m just proud of you Santiago. It turns out you’re more exciting that I thought you were.”

“Title of my sex tape!” Amy says. “HA! You can’t take back that now!” 

Jake bursts into laughter and Amy thinks about how she likes how it shapes his eyes and mouth. About how she likes how it shakes through his entire frame and makes her stomach feel all warm and fuzzy. About how maybe she hopes that she could do something that would make him laugh like that again. Anything to make him laugh like that again.

Oh shit. 

To: Lover Boy

[7:15 PM]

Okay, so earlier you may have had a point. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:18 PM]

welcome to my personal hell

From: Lover Boy

[7:20 PM]

but maybe we can help each other? w/ this romantic hell i mean

To: Lover Boy

[7:22 PM]

That sounds like a good plan. Although I’m still not sure if this is anything. It might just be because you planted that idea in my head. I need to sleep on it. 

Knowing that she likes Jake is like knowing there’s a ticking bomb in the room. One, he thinks she’s dating Lover Boy (as does everyone else in the precinct) and two, he’s an idiot. How could she like him? This was not an Amy Santiago thing to do. Liking Jake Peralta wasn’t an Amy Santiago specialty.

Of course, Holt it sending them on an overnight stakeout together. Of course. It’s as if the universe decides the most proper way to make fun of her is to shove her into Jake’s face at every ample opportunity. 

To: Lover Boy

[9:30 AM]

We’re going to be spending an extended amount of time together for our job. Help.

From: Lover Boy

[9:31 AM]

tell me about it sis. i swear, my boss is out to kill me. like we often work together but this is a more personal thing…

To: Lover Boy

[9:32 AM]

Same here. Honestly. How do you think I should act around him?

From: Lover Boy

[9:33 AM]

be urself but w/ a dash of flirting

Hours later they’re sitting in the car and Amy can feel the ringing silence between them like it’s a real, tangible thing. How did you cross this bridge? The bomb is ticking louder. Amy is really, really terrible at keeping a secret. 

“So,” Jake says. “How are you and Lover Boy?”

Yes. First order of business. To clear up whatever Jake thought was happening between her and the mysterious ‘Lover Boy’.

“Will you please not tell Gina this?” Amy asks.

“Uh-oh.”

“I’m serious. I want to see you nod. Okay. I was never really dating Lover Boy. It’s just a name I gave this dude as an inside joke. Seriously. There’s nothing between us.” 

It was the easiest explanation anyways. It doesn’t even really feel like a lie. Sure, Lover Boy doesn’t know what his contact name is, but Amy doesn’t think he’d mind anyways. 

“Oh,” Jake says. “I won’t tell Gina.”

“She would have a field day with it,” Amy says. Her personal phone buzzes.

“Oh wow,” Jake says, slipping his phone into pocket. “Taking the personal phone on a work date? I mean stake out? I mean occasion?”

“Why are you being weird?” Amy asks, rolling her eyes. “And yes. This is the number my mother contacts me at.”

Jake laughs, and Amy likes the sound too much to care that it’s directed at her own expense. 

From: Lover Boy

[8:45 PM]

SHE SAID THAT SHE’S NOT DATING ANYONE

To: Lover Boy

[8:46 PM]

Be yourself with a dash of flirting. ;)

From: Lover Boy

[8:47 PM] 

was that a winky face?

Amy smiles and puts her phone away. Okay. Time to get her flirt…on? She tucks her hair behind her ears and turns to Jake. She could do this. Flirting she meant. Flirting was something that she, as a grown badass woman, could do. 

Liking Jake wasn’t something she could put in a list. She couldn’t make a list of all the things she’d say to him because he was simply Jake. He refused to be contained in a list like all of the other boys she’d had a thing for. (Maybe that was a hint of something more.)

He smiles back at her. “Why do you look so happy?”

“I don’t know,” she says, a bit too loudly. “Don’t you love stake outs? And hanging out with people? Friends?”

“Amy,” he says.

“Sorry I’m being weird,” she rambles.

“Amy - “

“I just don’t know how to say - “

“Amy,” Jake hisses, “It’s our guy.” 

To: Lover Boy

[11:27 PM]

That was a fiasco.

From: Lover Boy

[11:28 PM]

omg tell me abt it. maybe were doomed to be alone.

To: Lover Boy

[11:29 PM]

I don’t know. Maybe I overthought this and I don’t like him after all. You kind of planted that idea in my head.

From: Lover Boy

[11:30 PM]

well, what do u like abt him?

To: Lover Boy

[11:31 PM]

He makes me laugh. He’s actually a really good guy.  I really, really like the way he laughs. I don’t know to explain it. With everyone else it’s like they fit in this nice little box, but he exceeds all my expectations. I don’t know, I just came to this realization yesterday. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:32 PM]

i think you just answered ur own question, o wise one.

To: Lover Boy

[11:33 PM]

What went wrong on your end?

From: Lover Boy

[11:36 PM]

our job got in the way of us hanging out. plus i think she was trying to tell me something and i had to be a good person and do my job damn it

To: Lover Boy

[11:40 PM]

Sometimes that’s the best thing. You could always reach out to her. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:41 PM]

maybe. i think she’s asleep.

Amy’s about to turn in herself, but her work phone buzzes.

From: Jake Peralta

[11:42 PM]

i liked hanging out with you santiago.

Amy falls asleep smiling. 

(She forgets to tell Lover Boy about the text.)

“Santiago!” Jake’s third jelly bean gets her attention, mostly because this one hits her straight in the forehead. She’s trying to avoid him while she tries (and fails) to come up with a way to say, hey by the way I really like your face and your body and your hands okay? If she was Jake, she’d probably just say something like romantic stylez and make sure that the Z was plain and clear. 

“Seriously, Jake?” 

Before he can answer that question, Gina comes between them with the worst timing ever. 

“Amy - I have someone to set you up with!” 

Amy glances up. “What? I thought I told you I didn’t want to do anymore of your pity dates.”

She had confessed to Gina that she hadn’t been dating anyone named Lover Boy, and she had been unbearable ever since. Just because Amy wasn’t dating anyone, didn’t mean that she didn’t want to. 

“You don’t need to tell me you need it,” Gina says. “I know.” 

“If I do this, will you get off my back?” Amy asks. “Like for real Gina. I’m tired of you being on my case.” 

“That was a great detective pun, I’m very proud of you,” Jake says. He’s watching their entire exchange with the typical Jake Peralta attention span. Which means that he’s currently trying to build a small tower of jelly beans and barely listening to anything else. 

“Do you think I should go on this date?” Amy asks him. She isn’t sure why she’s asking him. What does she want from that? Him to say no? (Yes, her traitorous brain answers. Maybe Amy Santiago has a deeply romantic side after all.) 

“Do what you want,” Jake shrugs. Amy feels something like bitterness curling into her stomach. That’s stupid she thinks. You shouldn’t feel anything at all, she thinks. It’s not like Jake knows or anything. It’s not like he has any right regardless to tell her who she should and shouldn’t date. 

What a stupid question for her to ask. 

“Fine,” she tells Gina. “I accept your date.”

She’s going to put her all into this date, even though it’s the last thing she wants to do. That means heels and that dress Kylie swears makes her figure look like a hundred bucks. It means making her hair look like a goddamn cascading waterfall. 

To: Lover Boy

[7:20 PM]

I may have made a mistake.

From: Lover Boy

[7:23 PM]

oh my god me too. shes going on a date and i acted like i was okay with it! who am i

To: Lover Boy

[7:24 PM]

Well I actually am going on a date and he actually didn’t care that I was going on a date at all. So I can tell you right now that’s not the right approach. It sucks. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:25 PM]

do u think its worth the risk of just telling her how i feel. i dont even know if she likes romantic revelations

To: Lover Boy

[7:26 PM]

Probably. You seem like you love her a lot, and she’d be crazy not to love you back. Go get her. (And it’s hard to imagine anyone who doesn’t like romantic revelations.) Besides, if you truly fail there’s always alcohol. 

If only Lover Boy was in love with her, she thought wistfully for a moment. She couldn’t help but wonder what it felt to be loved like that. Whoever this girl was, she was lucky. She hoped that she realized that too. 

She’s going to be twenty minutes early but decides it’s ultimately worth it. It’s better than staring at her phone and waiting to see if everyone else had a happy romantic ending without her. What was next, her ‘single as a Pringle’ brother declaring that he was going to actually settle down? 

Maybe she and whoever Gina had set her up with could go on a double date with Lover Boy and his girl. She locks her apartment door tightly behind her before stalking out with purpose. Jake Peralta aside, she was going to have nice time. 

From: Lover Boy

[8:12 PM]

i missed her. shes already on this stupid date and idk where it is

From: Lover Boy

[8:13 PM]

like sorry to rant but also not sorry bc she’s absolutely my dream girl and now ive missed her forever and goddamn it. bc im sure whoever her date is will see that too.

Turns out, a nice time isn’t entirely possible. Amy’s in the bathroom, trying to escape her incredibly awkward date. Apparently Gina thought that just because Amy was a nerd that she’d be into…well… the sort of nerd that generally needed to move out of their mother’s basement. The kind of nerd that needs to learn how to take a shower. 

She’s frustrated. She feels like screaming because she wishes that she had been going on a date with Jake and doesn’t understand why. Or maybe she understands too much why. 

He’s her partner. She’s known him for years. She doesn’t need to worry if he’s hiding some weird secret from her because she knows almost everything about him. She knows more about his life than some of her brothers. She knows his favorite movie, how many books he’s read, what he likes to do to relax and the face he makes when he’s not. 

How could you know someone that well and still like them?

To: Lover Boy

[8:14 PM]

How do you know she’s your dream girl?

From: Lover Boy

[8:20 PM]

she’s smart and not afraid to back down from a challenge. shes such a dork and literally even the way she scrunches her nose is cute i swear. usually i tune out whenever someone starts to talk about books but literally i could listen to her talk all day and i dont understand y. she keeps me on my toes. i know like everything about her. 

To: Lover Boy

[8:21 PM]

It sounds like that should be pretty obvious.

From: Lover Boy

[8:23 PM]

my friend rosa says its a miracle nobody else knows yet. apparently i am v obvious.

Amy’s plotting on how to escape from the restaurant but freezes. Rosa? Her brain begins to make a frantic connection that she can’t quite comprehend. 

Don’t be ridiculous, she tells herself. Lots of people have friends named Rosa. It’s not like it’s a weird name. 

To: Lover Boy

[8:25 PM] 

You never said what you did. Maybe it’s the stress of the job that’s throwing her off?

From: Lover Boy

[8:26 PM]

im a detective

Oh god, she thought to herself. Oh. My. God. It was Jake. Lover Boy was Jake Peralta. It had to be. How many detectives were there that had friends with the name Rosa? That, and all the times she’d texted Lover Boy and seen Jake pull out his phone - 

She pulls out her work phone and clicks on Jake’s contact, pulling up his phone number and comparing the two. They’re exactly the same. 

“Oh shit,” she whispers to herself. “Oh my god. I am the worst detective.” And seriously, fuck the two phone rule. That is probably the stupidest thing she’s ever done. 

Embarrassingly, she began to cry. Well, this was the end of her stupid crush on Jake Peralta. He was obviously desperately in love with someone from the precinct: maybe one of the cops from downstairs? It wasn’t like she paid attention to Jake all the time. 

Of course it was never going to be her. Why would it be? 

From: Lover Boy

[8:27 PM]

do u think i should try again w/ her?

Amy hastily wipes away a tear. If there’s one thing she’s proud of, it’s her stellar moral compass. First, she changes his contact name. Then she rewrites the knowledge of this in her brain and promises herself that she can leave this restaurant with dignity.

If liking Jake Peralta wasn’t apart of the Amy Santiago Brand, getting her heart so brutally destroyed by him certainly seemed to be. 

To: Jake Peralta

[8:30 PM]

You should go for it. You deserve to be happy. 

She means this of course. She’d always scoffed at this in movies: just tell him how you feel! In the end, it’s not that simple. It’s not worth complicating a good friendship because she might love (like her brain frantically corrects) him. 

She ditches her date and doesn’t even feel guilty about it. Sue her. She’s heartbroken, she thinks. She deserves to treat herself. Instead she grabs a cup of her favorite hot chocolate from the cafe on the corner and plans on tucking into her bed with her favorite Harry Potter book.

She’s even gotten to the point where she’s kicked off her heels and is holding them by their straps. She’s pretty sure her mascara is smeared all across her cheeks and her hair is tangled but who cared? She was being self pitying. Even the barista had given her a discount when she’d seen her approaching.

“Rough night?” She’d asked and Amy had nodded. A rougher night than anyone had intended, really. 

She thinks at first the person sitting outside her door is Kylie. It takes her a few seconds to realize that it’s not her because A, she hadn’t texted Kylie and B, it was obviously a guy. 

Which is why she’s instantly mortified when her brain makes the connection and finds Jake Peralta sitting outside of her apartment. He’s dressed in his usual work ensemble and looks really put together compared to her. 

“Jake?” she squeaks. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m - are you okay?” He asks as he takes her in. He stands immediately and reaches a hand toward her to what? Comfort her? It simultaneously soothes the raging nerves and enrages then. Amy nods, feeling her chin wobble slightly like it does when she’s about to cry. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jake asks. “Did something go wrong on your date?”

Everything, she wants to say. Then she thinks: what is the point of pretending anymore? “Did she say yes?”

“Did who say yes?”

“I’m your fairy godmother apparently,” she says bitterly, pulling out her phone and waving it in his face.

“What?” 

“You know, when you were trying to text Kayla? You were texting my personal phone,” Amy says. “I didn’t know it was you, because we didn’t tell each other our names but yeah. It was me.” 

“That was - that was you?” 

“Apparently,” Amy says. “Did the girl you like say yes? Let me guess, it was Sandra from downstairs -” 

“Sandra?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Amy says. “I’m chill, bro. You know. Chill.” She takes a sip of her hot chocolate and promptly burns her tongue. Smooth she tells herself. Wow. How are you even single? 

“Well how about you and your mystery man?” Jake demands. “Was it Chad?”

“Chad? My mystery man,” Amy scoffs.

“Well then, who was it?” he crosses his arms over his chest.

Damn it all to hell. She was done with not burning bridges for the sake of maintaining awkward friendships.

  “It was you, you idiot.” 

Jake’s eyes go wide. “…Me?”

“Yes,” Amy says. “I know. Whatever. We can just go back to forgetting about it now and I’m officially only going to have one phone now - “

“But Ames - I was talking about you.” 

She blinks. Her brain is moving sluggishly. She can’t quite comprehend what he’s just said to her. When she finally gets around it to it she opens her and mouth and closes it several times.

“Me?” she finally stammers. 

“Yes, you,” Jake says. “Oh my god. We are the worst detectives ever. It’s official.” He’s smiling for whatever reason, as if this is a massive joke. Was it April fools day today? She couldn’t remember. 

“But you can’t like me!” Amy protests loudly. 

“Oh I do,” Jake says. “I like like you Amy Santiago.”

“But all those nice things you said about her - “

“Were about you,” Jake says. “I swear. I swear on my reputation as a detective.”

“About me?” She asks, feeling another tired tear escape from the corner of her eye. 

“And all of your texts - those were about me? Including the ones where you said I was an idiot?”

“I think we’re both idiots,” she says, rubbing her forehead. “Oh my god. We may as well hand the best detective title over to Rosa or Charles.” 

“Might as well march over to Holt and turn in our resignations now,” he says, and despite herself she’s laughing. She’s laughing, laughing, laughing. So hard that her stomach feels like it’s about to burst and then he’s laughing too and both of them are careening toward each other like magnets. It ends with Jake’s mouth being awfully close to Amy’s and Amy’s chest being awfully close to his.

“I’m crazy about you Amy Santiago,” he says. “For real. And all of those things I meant, I meant.” 

It’s not eloquent, but Amy wouldn’t want it any other way. 

She remembers to drag him back into her apartment before she kisses him, real and properly. 

(Later, she says it back. “I’m crazy about you Jake Peralta. For real.”) 

To: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago

From: Gina Linetti 

[11:30 PM]

if you guys aren’t together by now I’m going to riot. Also Jake, I have Kayla’s real phone number when you want it. If you want it. (She seems like kind of a bitch.) 

To: Gina Linetti and Amy Santiago

From: Jake Peralta

[11:31 PM]

DO NOT TELL ME YOU PLANNED THIS

To: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago 

From: Gina Linetti

[11:32 PM]

i told Amy i had the perfect guy for her. 

[wannawrite]

Melting Of The Ice Cream Girl

PD101 / MXM’s Im Youngmin X Reader [fem ver] ( I can finally type MXM instead of BNM :“) he has debuted I am still shooketh by their album I wrote this on the day of the debut itself ) Fluff, mild angst

part one

part two 

bulletpoint ver. • ok so at your sch, Youngmin is like THE sunbaenim • you’re super shy to everyone - since you’re so quiet everyone is like ‘bruh we better stay away she’ll kill us’ but wild asf with your friends • you have a crush on Youngmin bc tbh who doesn’t ??? hello anon, thank you for requesting, you know I love my MXM boys :”) uhh, you didn’t really specify if there should be romance + how it should be formed so I went ahead and did it anyway…..hope you’re okay with that. Drop me a feedback ask !! Especially if you want it rewritten, in scenario form too etc, it’s okay. But please drop me another ask on how you would like part two to be :) I split it because I wasn’t sure and I’d rather get feedback from anon yourself. This is just plot set up i’M SORRY THERE ISN’t anY ANGST FOR NOW PLEASE TELL ME Hope you like it. - admin L PS: this actl describes me perfectly ?? anon have you been stalking me ??? __________ • okay so everyone loves Im Youngmin • like literally everyone • Mrs. Wang from Science block 3 ‘I love Im Youngmin I gave him a new school bag for his birthday’ • Cindy from History, Wednesdays, third period ‘Once, Im Youngmin stepped on my worksheet and apologised after. It was the best moment of my life’ • Jae in Art, Fridays, fifth period, 'Sometimes I draw Im Youngmin when asked to freehand art’ • Youngmin is THE sunbae of the school • c'mon • you really need to arrive at school in this fancy ass limousine like car? • with your school shoes being custom Gucci sneakers ??? • on top of that • he’s so good looking Jihoon from physics aka the prettiest boy in school cried when he first saw Youngmin’s visuals • you still have that video on your phone bc Jihoon is one of your close friends • Youngmin also has the sweetest personality • boyfriend material • everyone in the school is charmed by him • infatuated almost 

• sometime last year, he accidentally spilled his coffee on your notes in the library and offered to rewrite them • by hand • you were so shocked • and shy • no words came out • instead, you grabbed your things and ran out because you were too shy to even look at him • 'oh no the ice princess strikes again’ • everyone talked about how you ignored Im Youngmin sunbaenim and rushed out • for days • like ??? move on • but interaction between the Senior sunbae and Junior ice princess was rare • Youngmin tried multiple times but you kept disappearing, brushing him off • turning the other way when you saw him • quickly running to class • avoiding his gaze in the canteen • you name it • you did it • eventually, his best friend. Kim Donghyun told him you were the infamous Junior ice princess • simply because you repulsed everyone else other than your clique in this school • ice princess™ • no ??? you were just too shy to form words • even to reply to teachers • the words just got stuck in your throat and you constantly panicked • everyone just assumed you were the toughest, baddest bitch in Junior year after that • Youngmin shook his head, sighing • 'no way, she can’t be’ • 'it’s true, hyung! Y/N is really an ice princess’ • 'THE ice princess of Brand New’ • he asked Sewoon and he said the same thing • in fact, his entire sunbae + chaebol clique agreed • 'Y/N is Brand New High School’s ice princess’ • you were cold, mean and unforgiving • like winter • but sometimes • you only play with snow in winter • your clique found it ridiculously funny it became an inside joke • Hyemi always found some time of the day to make fun of it • only Hyemi, Jihoon, Daewhi, Woojin and Mina knew the truth • you were the craziest person they knew • once, Woojin got a call from Mina at 3am because you had climbed through her room window • essentially, you broke into your best friend’s bedroom even though you knew the passcode to her house • btw did I mention you were also super charming and charmed tf out of your friends’ parents ??? • so your friends’ houses were like your second homes • you were welcomed anytime • honestly, you said the weirdest shit on a daily • and communicated in memes • another time, you challenged Woojin to race around the supermarket with trolleys • it’s safe to say you aren’t allowed back into the supermarket • but i heard you like bad girls? • you walked in there and bought chocolate milk • twice • no one noticed • anyways • main jokester • and prankster of your squad • it was Jihoon’s birthday and you woke him up by shooting him with water guns • he fell sick almost immediately after • once you heard that, you ran over with medicine and soup • you stayed the weekend on his bedroom floor just to nurse him back to health • 'y/N yoU don’T haVE TO’ • 'nO I MUST CARE FOR YOU. YOU MIGHT DIE OTHERWISE’ • ’…..’ • 'jIHooN DRInK YOur SOuP’ • 'wAiT i’m goIng to gET MORE BANDAGES’ • 'whAT DOES A FevER havE TO dO witH thAT ?’ • your friends just make you all soft and sweet honestly • which is why Youngmin knew you couldn’t be the ice princess of Brand New • he tried to talk to you a few times before • but you were already introverted beyond conversation on a daily ??? • much less in front of your crush • you really didn’t mean to let your eyes widen so much • you looked at him straight in the eye • well tried to • and nearly chemically combusted after looking into his beautiful orbs • Youngmin thought you glared at him and backed off after that. • it saddened you that it was partially your reputation’s fault for ruining whatever chances you had with Youngmin • until…one day…Youngmin confides in his best friend, Donghyun • but Daewhi and Donghyun are like twins so • Daewhi finds out and tells Mina • fun fact: Mina and Youngmin are in the same math class bc Mina is an intellectual • she tries her best to get you two together • but yoURE JUST TOO SHY REALLY MINA • i CanT SAY A WORD IN FRONT OF REGULAR PEOPLE EVEN • minA WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO • ok so since she’s an intellectual right   • instead of listening in advanced math class, she’s listing down ideas on how to tell Youngmin about you • it’s okay bc Mina knows every formula and still scored an A • oooh another fun fact: Mina and Youngmin now sit together for a new term • you’re lowkey salt but you don’t know her plans • Mina and Youngmin become good friends ??? Somehow ??? • idk he says hi to her in the hallways and once again you feel a pang in your chest • but you’re the ice princess, you don’t exactly have emotions • one day, youngmin lent his math notes to Donghyun so • 'hey Mina can I borrow your notes real quick?’ • he’s flipping through her note book when he comes across this • 'sweet things Y/N has done for us’ • 'how to get Y/N to confess’ • 'Y/N X Im Youngmin’ • oh god he’s so intrigued and flattered • and now he’s a blushing mess • he reads and realises that his theories are true, that you are the sweetest and craziest person in this school, contrary to your reputation • so he decides to give you a new name; the ice cream girl • sweet but cold, sometimes appearing in crazy flavours • and sticks to his lips ;) • and Im Youngmin is going to melt you (guys Donhyun literally saves Youngmin as 'Melting Youngmin’ in his phone and if that ain’t the cutest) • he starts off by doing the least but also the most • which is acknowledging you in the hallways, in class, at your locker • you always keep your head down and kind of bow slightly instead of saying anything because your entire face looks like a tomato like why • but eventually, you return his greetings with a shy wave • and it makes his entire day, his clique is like 'hyung, why are you so happy today? Are you okay?’ • 'oh i’m fine.’ he says as he spins around like a ballerina ( bc my son is graceful ) and nearly slams into a locker • 'Im Youngmin sunbaenim brushed by my locker and I was eternally blessed’ - Tina, chem lab • one day, you’re out with Daewhi and Woojin to shop for a birthday present for Daewhi’s mum • ya’ll being the cutest best friends ever. racing around the mall, making bad puns and memes out of weird items • the usual, how you are in your true form • sunbaenim + chaebol™ squad is also at the mall • youngmin spots you and daewhi being super lovey dovey and close and he feels this strange pain in his chest ??? he doesn’t even know anymore tbh • 'hyung let’s go and eeeeaaatttt’ donghyun begs and the entire clique let’s him choose where to • great, he just had to choose that place that daewhi, woojin and Y/N walked into • daewhi and woojin spot donghyun the second he walks in and starts waving frantically • 'hyUNG! HYUNG! HYUNG COME SIT WITH US!’ • youngmin tells the rest of the squad to sit first and that he and donghyun would join them soon • BNM babies reunion :“) • you’re just sitting there awkwardly to the side shoving fries in your mouth but it’s cute to see your friends interact with their close seniors • 'hey Y/N, how are you?’ Youngmin suddenly asks and you’re forced to reply • 'uh-uh i-i’ve been good, sunbaenim’ ok Y/N pull yourself together why did you say that • Youngmin just chuckles 'Sunbaenim? Aww Y/N you’re so cute but please, just call me oppa’ • you can practically hear daewhi, woojin and donghyun’s snickers • youngmin’s heart is softening the more he looks at you • he just needs to uncover your true interior • meanwhile, your heart is thudding a 150km/h you don’t even know because you’re so alarmed by Youngmin being nice to you and all • what should you do? part two has arrived

pls drop me a feedback ask + direction you want this to take :)

[bartsugsy]

I genuinely forgot it was spoiler day. I think I'm reaching freedom. This is a blatant lie. How much I enjoyed the angsty wall slam stuff is proof of that lol! But I don't have much in the way of opinion about the latest spoilers apart from Robert's such an idiot to still be scheming (not new lol) but at least he'll get scenes with Lucky & Gerry (!) rather than the baby mamma. I want to be exited about potential Rob V Lucky though. I've been waiting forever. Can you do your excited list plz Lo?

i can totally do an excited list anon oh my god

FIRSTLY I WAS LITERALLY ONLY THINKING YESTERDAY ABOUT HOW MUCH I’VE MISSED LYDIA AND NOW SHE’S GOING TO APPEAR TO SAVE OUR SOULS AND RUIN ROBERT’S LIFE

WHAT A QUEEN

GERRY…. AND… ROBERT….. IN A…. SCENE….. TOGETHER……

I HOPE GERRY MAKES ROBERT HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AROUND HIM

AARON AND LIV ARE GONNA BE CHILLING IN THE WOOLIE AND PROBABLY BONDING AND BEING CUTE

OOH THERE’S A MYSTERY: ~~~WHO STOLE ROB’S TAPE?

I HOPE IT WAS REBECCA

PLOT TWIST SHE WAS PLAYIN U FOOL

ALSO @ LUCKY PLS KIDNAP ROB ON FRIDAY IT’S TIME

A L S O OK SO WE KNOW ROB IS GONNA BE ALL COMMITTED TO CRIME AGAIN, READY 4 MURDER OR AT LEAST READY TO TAKE LUCKY DOWN

I’M SORT OF ASSUMING THIS IS ON THE BACK OF SEEING AARON AND DOCTOR DO DO THE FLIRT THING

purely bc of the ryan quote in this article what kind of logical leap @ me, chill out 

MAYBE THE DOCTOR LITERALLY JUST SMILES AT AARON AND ROB IS LIKE WELL OK TIME TO DIE I CAN’T BELIEVE NO ONE HAS SUFFERED THE WAY I CURRENTLY SUFFER GUESS I’M JUST GONNA TAKE DOWN THIS TEENAGER

TEENAGER, ROB

LOOK @ UR LIFE CHOICES BABE

SPEAKING OF THE DOCTOR, HE’S NOT IN THE CAST LIST FOR NEXT WEEK

GUESS HE’S NOT MARRYING AARON AFTER ALL

LET’S ALL ASSUME ROB THINKS HE IS THOUGH AND IS LOSING HIS TINY, DEPRAVED MIND OVER IT

ANYWAYS AARON AND LIV ARE AROUND AND ROB IS ON EVERY DAY DOING SOMETHING INSANE

I HOPE AARON IS LOW KEY CONCERNED TBQH

YOU KNOW WE’RE STILL GONNA GET ROBRON SHIT NEXT WEEK

THERE’S BEEN A ROBRON SCENE IN EVERY SINGLE EPISODE WITH DANNY AND RYAN BOTH IN IT SINCE THEY SPLIT

LIKE

I’M READY

OK CAN WE HAVE A ROB/LACHLAN CONFRONTATION WHERE THEY TALK ABOUT THE FUCKED UP FACT THAT ROB SPENT FOUR YEARS HELPING TO RAISE LUCKY AND NOW THEY HATE EACH OTHER AND HAVE REPEATEDLY TRIED TO TAKE ONE ANOTHER DOWN

ALSO LETS TALK ABOUT HOW ACROSS THE SUMMER AND THEN IN OCTOBER LAST YEAR WE WERE ALSO SEEING ROB VS LACHLAN STUFF IT’S ALL COMING FULL CIRCLE

THE SSW THEORY LIVES ON

oooh god there’s so much other stuff too

MOIRA!!!! IS!!!! HAVING!!!!! A!!!!! BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITH CAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VADAM ARE ALSO IN LOVE

CANT BELIEVE THEY’RE SLOWLY REUNITING THEIR COUPLES EH FUNNY THAT HUH 

F U N N Y 

T H A T

ALSO THERE’S A FIRE!

THERE’S GONNA BE STUNTS!

UNCLE TIM RETURNS! is that a good thing? idk BUT THE WHITES ARE ALL AROUND DOING STUFF ETC ETC

GOTTA USE THEM BEFORE THEY ALL LEAVE FOREVER L O L SEE YAAAAAAAA

SERIOUSLY THE NEXT TWO WEEKS ARE GONNA BE HUGE AND THEN IT’S SSW 

A MONTH OF HIGH DRAMA

IF NOTHING ELSE WE KNOW THIS TEAM DOES THE BIG EPISODES WELL

IT’S #EMMADALE

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHAS IS COMING BACK SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY WHAT A TRUE BLESS

DONT KNOW WHEN BUT SOON IT’S HAPPENING SOON

oh and emma’s gonna kill finn in a barn bye

[spider-bih]

11 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @malumplaylist asdf I’m so lame tho-

Rules

1. Post the rules 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. And tag 11 people

My Answers

1. Have you ever messed something up and never told anyone? If so, what happened?

Not that I know of tbh. At least nothing major, you know? Like- small things, but I dunno if it counts? If I close a cabinet and hear something fall, I leave it for the next person bc I’m a lil shit. (You know when you close a cabinet and hear something? Yeah, that sounds like someone elses problem.).

2. Who is the most attractive celebrity and why?

asdfghj I should say Tom obvi- but ofc he’s not the only guy I’ve liked or have liked lmao. When Twilight was popular I was really into Taylor Lautner. From there I moved onto band guys (I used to really like James Cassels and Austin Carlile etc). Then I really liked Andrew Garfield and now I’m stuck with this lil shit known as Tom asdfg.

3. What are the best and worst things you’ve bought?

The best thing I’ve bought? Mhm.. god, I dunno? I don’t buy things for myself often. Oh! I bought my dogs Christmas sweaters last year and it is still the best purchase I’ve made (besides my tattoo xsdasd). They hate me for it (imagine two grumpy lookin pitties with Christmas sweaters aha!) As far as the worst thing? Bah- I dunno. I’m careful with buying things so I don’t waste my money. I’m sure I’ve bought things I ended up hating, but right now I can’t think of them lol

4. If you had to change your name, what would your new name be, and why would you choose that name?

I’m not sure. I like my name tbh- my first and middle name at least. I hate my last name with a burning passion bc of the person it’s attached to and I plan on changing it soon. I will change it to my Mother’s last name.

5. What is the craziest thing one of your teachers has done?

Freshman Year Algebra I. My teacher was so pissed off about the broken buttons on the calculators he bought out of his own pocket for us to use. He took one and slammed it onto the floor, I got pieces of calculator in my hair. In Sophomore year I had a History teacher who had us recreate some war with paper balls and use our tables to shield us. I have a few others too, but then I’d be here forever lmao.

6. What is a quote you live by?

Wooo- I have a few? Some of which I don’t even know who they’re from or how I heard of them. One that really sticks with me is, “If you didn’t starve with me, you damn well won’t eat with me.” Basically, if you didn’t stay with me during my struggle, you won’t be with me during my success. 

7. What are your “catchphrases” or a word/phrase you say a lot?

Oh man, I have a few! I say ‘lit’ alot, or ‘chill’. Lol. I say ‘fam’ and ‘bih’. Sometimes I say ‘Yeet’ though I’m not sure why lmfao. (I also say ‘It’s gucci’ or ‘We Gucci’)

8. What is something that everyone looks stupid doing?

Probably taking selfies. I know I look dumb as hell doing it, we all do, but who cares lmao? Get that lighting fam!

9. In 40 years, what will people be nostalgic for?

Uhhh.. I dunno? Probably the same things we’re nostalgic for. Old TV Shows, certain tech etc.

10. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

Assault. No lie, if I got arrested with no explanation, they’d think someone ticked me off bad enough for me to start swinging. Or that I was a victim of bad timing, but mostly for fighting. I have an awful temper, but I will never throw the first punch ;P

11. In one sentence, how would you describe Tumblr?

It’s a hellsite, but I met some good people here c:

My Questions!

1. What is your happiest memory?

2. Do you have any pets? If so, what kind and how did you get them (maybe even throw in a funny story?) If not, do you want any? What kind?

3. How was your day today?

4. Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks? Neither?

5. Favorite Holiday?

6. Favorite Song?

7. What’s the craziest dream you’ve ever had?

8. The craziest or worst nightmare you’ve ever had?

9. What’s one childhood movie you could watch and recite lines from?

10. What if you woke up one day and your entire life thus far had been a dream? Would you be mad?

11. What brought you to Tumblr?

Tags: [Just gonna throw my permanent taglist up here! If you don’t wanna participate, you don’t have to! It just seems fun and idk who to tag c: ) @o-brienwrites, @spidergirlwanab, @thumper-darling, @mydearestsammy , @bagginsofbagend , @cosmetologynerd , @timelord-sorcerer, @i-love-superhero, @mendes-holland, @dangerousluv1, @malumplaylist, @faithful-music, @melli-chou, @thatspidernamedmeagan , @lukescool, @spidey-mantom , @jaib2-blog, @fandom-hq

[royaltyau-logs]

RAU -- F2: The Church

Assassin Lavi where are we going again Assassin Lavi are we there yet Assassin Lavi are we there yet Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Princess Zuki is dying

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet Assassin Deak are we there yet

Princess Zuki are we there yet

Assassin Lavi /me are we there yet

Assassin Deak haha good job, lavi

Princess Zuki /me are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Pegasus Knight Lena shut the fuck up

Assassin Deak yes ma'am

Princess Zuki Afraid

Assassin Lavi ......

Assassin Deak ....

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet?

Assassin Lavi :'>

Pegasus Knight Lena im going to slaughter you two

Princess Zuki pls dont slaughter me they started it

Assassin Deak slaughter me Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Princess Zuki are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak are we there yet

Assassin Lavi are we there yet Assassin Lavi are we there yet

Assassin Deak 4th wall whining

Assassin Lavi did Zuki die yet

Princess Zuki are we there yet Princess Zuki yes i did

Assassin Lavi swEET can I have ur kingdom

Princess Zuki nah!

Assassin Deak can,, can i have it?

Assassin Lavi what if I share it Assassin Lavi with Deak Assassin Lavi specifically

Princess Zuki nO

Assassin Deak ,,, Assassin Deak ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Assassin Deak lOUDER 4TH WALL WHINING

Assassin Lavi really tho are we there yet idk this territory that well

Princess Zuki i have No Idea

Assassin Lavi how do yo not know isn't this around your turf Assassin Lavi oh

Princess Zuki bitch i grew up in the castle

Assassin Lavi right b/c ur a shut-in

Pegasus Knight Lena yikes

Assassin Deak lavi, carry me Assassin Deak i'm tired of walking

Princess Zuki >:/

Assassin Deak neeehhh

Assassin Lavi no Assassin Lavi jump on the pegasus or something if ur tired I'm not ur steed

Assassin Deak laaaviiiiii

Pegasus Knight Lena fuck off dont you dare

Assassin Lavi no

Assassin Deak leaning on lavi

Assassin Lavi ....... Assassin Lavi shoves him Assassin Lavi : >

Assassin Deak carry me Assassin Deak ahbhgbHBSHFBG

Assassin Lavi goes skipping ahead Assassin Lavi tra-la-la

Assassin Deak aLMOST FALLS Assassin Deak ..... Assassin Deak skips after him

Princess Zuki ,,,is getting nervous bcuz of those two

Assassin Deak jabs lavi's side and jumps away, snickering

Assassin Lavi jumps!!!! Assassin Lavi >: (

Assassin Deak >: )

Assassin Lavi kicks at Deak's sIDE

Assassin Deak ?!?!?!

Assassin Lavi >: ) Assassin Lavi skipping is now spRINTING

Assassin Deak gETS HIT AND JUST Assassin Deak looks at lavi

Assassin Lavi b y e b i t c h

Assassin Deak sPRINTS AFTER HIM

Queen Alma: Would you two cease your tomfoolery already?

Assassin Deak we're going to get lost and it's going to get us lost Assassin Deak oh shit i forgot about her

Queen Alma okay bye i suppose

Assassin Lavi doDGES BACK and around Deak back towards everyone else lmao

Assassin Deak wait what the fuck was that wording

Assassin Lavi is like 5

Assassin Deak idk

Princess Zuki gets rlly nervous around alma tBH

Pegasus Knight Lena :3c

Queen Alma i hate this trip already u guys havent said a single thing wtf

Princess Zuki is just Silent

Assassin Lavi 'scuse me ur Highness Alma just gonna hide behind u for a moment laughing like a little shit : >

Princess Zuki @ghost thing pls leave soon\

Queen Alma: I presume you've been briefed on the going-ons lately, Princess? Figuring it borders on your domain also?

Assassin Lavi waggly fingers at Deak

Queen Alma: Unless you haven't been paying attention, that is.

Princess Zuki snAPS HER HEAD UP AND NODS QUICKLY Princess Zuki: y-yes, ma'am! that is why i'm here.

Queen Alma: Good, good. And why are you two here, exactly?

Assassin Deak .... Assassin Deak slowly walks back to the others

Assassin Lavi: Hm?

Queen Alma: Actually, it doesn't matter.

Assassin Deak just gonna stay silent

Assassin Lavi shrugs and smiles impishly at Deak Assassin Lavi: Givin' up already?

Princess Zuki ,,,just. nervously looks around

Assassin Deak i'm going to punch you

Pegasus Knight Lena u guys r dumb

Queen Alma: Either way, as you should know, the Church is shared between the borders of Aeyusea and Cicia, and as such is a common place between the two Kingdoms. It isn't uncommon to have them merge in the church, and at times ends with someone switching the Kingdom they're residing in. With limitations of course - once you move a Kingdom you become a traitor to the other and aren't allowed access to the opposing side. The church allows a method to switch, or to prevent any... harm coming from entering the opposite side as it normally would.

Princess Zuki nod nod

Queen Alma: However, recently an increase in odd creatures along the border has occurred, and these have moved between the Kingdoms and... ah... killed some of the residents of either Kingdom.

Assassin Lavi define "dumb" Assassin Lavi b/c I beg to differ

Assassin Deak kinda sorta listening, kinda sorta not Assassin Deak just. plotting a murder

Queen Alma: Hence the need for us to figure out what is happening over there to cause it. It has already been pinpointed to be the location the beasts are spawning from.

Pegasus Knight Lena you and your brother Pegasus Knight Lena is the definition

Assassin Lavi: Beasts y'say? Assassin Lavi: An' here I thought this was a vacationary road trip

Assassin Deak y a w  n s

Assassin Lavi kidding

Assassin Deak sTRETCHEEESSS

Queen Alma: I would be more wary than you both are being currently. Queen Alma: From what I understand, the creatures do quite a well job at ripping things apart. Queen Alma : / Queen Alma at least the princess has more sense

Assassin Deak can't be too casual but is always looking for the sweet embrace of death

Princess Zuki noDS

Assassin Deak: sounds like my kind of trip.

Assassin Lavi just gives Deak a look

Queen Alma: Does it now?

Assassin Lavi u stop that

Princess Zuki: ...please start acting like you'll leave alive.

Assassin Deak: mhm~

Princess Zuki: we have reputations to hold up.

Assassin Deak l a u  g h s

Princess Zuki S A V A G E

Assassin Lavi: We've been well trained in the arts of self-defense. There's no need to worry over our well-being, Your Highness.

Queen Alma: Surely, otherwise you would be lesser than a fool to join us. Queen Alma wait then why is the princess here

Princess Zuki bcuz

Queen Alma are you going to finish that thought

Assassin Lavi that's a good question

Princess Zuki ,,,

Assassin Lavi but I didn't ask b/c I don't really care

Princess Zuki i have no idea where mr kanda is and i need to show the people i car E

Queen Alma maybe the beasts killed kanda

Assassin Lavi she's here to be the sacrificial bait Assassin Lavi : >

Princess Zuki he probably tastes too gross to eat Princess Zuki I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Queen Alma who said anything about eating Queen Alma these creatures dont eat the people they kill

Princess Zuki ,,,,oh

Queen Alma they just kill them to kill them

Assassin Deak they tore him apart

Queen Alma yeah

Assassin Deak rest in pieces, kanda

Princess Zuki mr kanda's too strong to lose so,,, um,,, he's alive,,,

Queen Alma if youre so sure Queen Alma: There's the church. Queen Alma who's going in first Queen Alma : )

Assassin Lavi raises his hand over his eye and squints

Assassin Deak ,,,

Assassin Lavi: There indeed~

Princess Zuki looks at lavi n deak Princess Zuki they go in first >:U

Assassin Deak steps, over behind lavi Assassin Deak shoves him

Princess Zuki theyre nothin but Trouble

Assassin Deak: go on.

Pegasus Knight Lena hahahah Pegasus Knight Lena lame

Assassin Lavi looks-- Assassin Lavi HEY Assassin Lavi ELBOWS Deak Assassin Lavi >: (

Pegasus Knight Lena oh my god pls dont do this again

Assassin Deak sLAPS lavi on the back of the head

Assassin Lavi: ....... Assassin Lavi Later (tm) Assassin Lavi >:L

Assassin Deak : > Assassin Deak anyway, Assassin Deak: lavi should go in first.

Assassin Lavi: Perhaps it is presumptuous of me, but I assume-- Assassin Lavi: no

Queen Alma: Who?

Assassin Deak: ... Assassin Deak fu ck Assassin Deak fUCK FUCK FUCK Assassin Deak: uh...

Assassin Lavi ....

Assassin Deak: meow?

Queen Alma: I didn't know that was your name?

Assassin Lavi WAY TO GO SHITBIRD

Princess Zuki: ...

Queen Alma looks @ lavi

Assassin Deak FUCK

Assassin Lavi: ...its not

Assassin Deak: it's a nickname.

Princess Zuki siGHS

Queen Alma: ..........

Princess Zuki: i'll go in.

Assassin Deak: we have nicknames for each other.

Queen Alma: You two contradict one another far too much.

Princess Zuki A BRAVE

Queen Alma: It makes you suspicious. Queen Alma :I

Princess Zuki heads on in tbH

Assassin Lavi: ...he thinks he's clever

Queen Alma o there she go

Assassin Lavi: So he gives me stupid nicknames

Queen Alma narrows her eyes at them

Assassin Lavi :I

Queen Alma: I see. Queen Alma fucking liars

Assassin Deak i Assassin Deak i'm tired so i'm not even gong to argue Assassin Deak this is why i stay quiet

Queen Alma: Well, we ought not waste more time with trivial names. Queen Alma follows after zuki Queen Alma im watching u two

Assassin Lavi guess this means we can go in last : >

Pegasus Knight Lena: Hurry up and go in you two.

Assassin Lavi good luck everyone else

Pegasus Knight Lena no fuck u im going last

Assassin Lavi tailing along Assassin Lavi second-last then Assassin Lavi w/e

Princess Zuki coME ON PEOPLE

Assassin Deak follows

Princess Zuki I HAVE PRINCESS DUTIES BACK AT HOME TO ATTEND TO

Assassin Deak ain't scared Assassin Deak no way

Assassin Lavi assuming u even survive

Pegasus Knight Lena goes in after them and slams the door rlly loud bc y not

Assassin Deak jUMPS

Assassin Lavi was that necessary

Pegasus Knight Lena lauGHS Pegasus Knight Lena IT SCARED HIM

Assassin Lavi also kinda jumped a little tbh

Assassin Deak whirls around, holding his breath

Pegasus Knight Lena iS LAUGHing

Assassin Deak tries to laugh to show he finds it funny but Assassin Deak doesn't

Pegasus Knight Lena: My apologies. Pegasus Knight Lena totally insincere but Pegasus Knight Lena turns to try and open the door Pegasus Knight Lena .........................

Assassin Deak: ...it's quite alright. Assassin Deak ...................

Pegasus Knight Lena: .....................................

Princess Zuki ....................

Assassin Lavi just kinda looking between Lena and Alma and Zuki

Pegasus Knight Lena: It's locked, ahahahahhh..................................

Assassin Lavi: ....... Assassin Lavi: Well that's what you get for slamming it Assassin Lavi: Probably broke the damn thing Assassin Lavi smfh

Pegasus Knight Lena oops

Princess Zuki: ...doors don't break like that.

Assassin Lavi: Way to go

Princess Zuki couGHS

Assassin Lavi: Its possible

Queen Alma: There are other doors, let's continue moving. Stop breaking doors. Queen Alma very intense eye roll here

Assassin Lavi shrugging and following along

Princess Zuki follOWS TOO

Assassin Lavi is making it a point to look up also b/c nobody ever looks up and that's usually where shit is sitting in wait lmao

Queen Alma or behind you Queen Alma maybe you should walk backwards too

Assassin Lavi Deak is behind me Assassin Lavi and Lena is behind him

Queen Alma: As you can see, the church is in disarray. Prior to those beasts, it had been well kept, figuring it was the centerpoint between our two Kingdoms.

Princess Zuki nods

Queen Alma: What a mess.

Assassin Deak is getting really tired of this act tbh Assassin Deak really really tired but

Pegasus Knight Lena what act squinty eyes

Assassin Lavi kinda looks like something I'd expect to see in Birland tbh Assassin Lavi my kinda scenery Assassin Lavi: ...guess the beasts must'a got the groundskeeper

Princess Zuki: my mother would... visit this place regularly, a-as an act of peace.

Assassin Lavi just gonna kinda skirt around the room and give the place a look-see for signs of any alleged "beasts" like carnage or damage etc. Assassin Lavi scratches... bones... droppings... any of that fun stuff

Queen Alma: Ironically this Church was built over the grounds that the dead soldiers were buried in when the War between our Kingdoms occurred in the last reigns. It was built for peace over the bodies of soldiers of both sides.

Princess Zuki nod nod

Assassin Lavi: ...so this place has catacombs underneath?

Assassin Deak: ....how interesting.

Queen Alma: It does. The Church sealed the catacombs years ago due to an... accident. Queen Alma side eyes zuki

Princess Zuki looks down Princess Zuki nods tho

Assassin Deak hums,,

Assassin Lavi: ...accident?

Assassin Deak slowly tilts his head Assassin Deak steps up to walk beside of lavi

Queen Alma casually doesn't reply to that

Assassin Lavi tilting his head also

Princess Zuki coughs,,,

Assassin Lavi: So... allegedly it should still be locked up, ya?

Queen Alma: There were reports that the catacombs had been opened sometime prior, but when I had come to check they were still sealed.

Assassin Lavi hums

Queen Alma: The only object out of place was a marble, but I presume a child had dropped it when the last event was held.

Assassin Deak is actually interested Assassin Deak jiji would love this place

Assassin Lavi: So were they sealed to keep people out... or... to keep something in?

Queen Alma frowns

Princess Zuki: ...to keep people out. Princess Zuki isnt even gonna entertain that thought

Assassin Deak: ...astonishing. Assassin Deak: simply amazing.

Assassin Lavi: Grave-robbers, mayhaps?

Queen Alma: ...

Assassin Deak there's that twinkle in his eye

Princess Zuki: anyone.

Assassin Lavi rolls his eye Assassin Lavi: Obviously.

Princess Zuki scratches the back of her head

Assassin Deak: it's very interesting.

Princess Zuki looks down again

Assassin Lavi hums Assassin Lavi: So should we see if the place is still sealed up as its supposed to be?

Princess Zuki: ...are you volunteering? Princess Zuki glanCES BACK AT HIM

Assassin Lavi laughs Assassin Lavi: Not a chance.

Queen Alma: There is another thing.

Assassin Lavi: The trained soldier should be the one to check it out first, right? Assassin Lavi looking @ u Lena

Pegasus Knight Lena offended Pegasus Knight Lena glares

Assassin Deak: another thing?

Assassin Lavi I am but a humble Earl's son don't expect me to go in there first

Pegasus Knight Lena: I believe you had mentioned you were well-trained, did you not Lavi?

Assassin Deak is thoroughly interested now

Assassin Lavi: Astor Assassin Lavi: Its Astor Assassin Lavi : /

Assassin Deak glances back at lena Assassin Deak: i am the only one allowed to call him that.

Pegasus Knight Lena: Then perhaps publicly calling such isn't wise.

Assassin Lavi: And I said I was trained to defend myself, but surely nowhere near as trained as yourself even so.

Pegasus Knight Lena wimps

Assassin Deak: ladies first.

Assassin Lavi I believe that's what we in Birland prefer to call a wise choice

Queen Alma .................. Queen Alma: No, nevermind. Queen Alma: The catacomb entrance is just through here. Queen Alma gestures to the archway

Assassin Lavi: But now we're curious~

Assassin Deak: you... you said there was another thing.

Queen Alma: It has no connection to this event.

Assassin Deak ,,,nods slowly

Assassin Lavi shrugs and follows along at the rear, keeping his eye and ears and smell open for anything weird

Princess Zuki oughta make deak and lavi go first since they're so interested >:/

Pegasus Knight Lena which one of u is gonna get hit by the falling chandelier Pegasus Knight Lena that happens in horror movies rite

Assassin Deak me Assassin Deak i am

Princess Zuki will make a Heroic Sacrifice if she does

Pegasus Knight Lena are you

Pegasus Knight Lena hEROIC SACRIFICES ARENT ALLOWED IN THIS GANG

Assassin Deak that'd be a fancy way to die

Princess Zuki bUT IM A PRINCESS

Queen Alma: As I said, the entrance to the catacombs is sealed. Queen Alma told u bitches

Princess Zuki nods

Queen Alma: No one has opened them since the incident, thankfully.

Assassin Deak is starting to get cold chills ngl Assassin Deak doesn't know if they're from fear or something else

Princess Zuki nods again

Princess Zuki: it's... how it should be. Princess Zuki is kinda quiet she doesnt wanna annoy

Assassin Lavi we brought torches to see by right

Assassin Deak no Assassin Deak haha jk idk

Pegasus Knight Lena it isnt dark losers

Assassin Lavi oh okay

Princess Zuki is just kinda lowkey a bystander

Pegasus Knight Lena wait is it

Assassin Deak oooo spooky scary

Assassin Lavi idk I assumed b/c we're inside unless there's windows Assassin Lavi and daylight

Princess Zuki i thought it'd be somewhat like a cave as in it's dark naturally bcuz no natural light Princess Zuki besides torches or w/e

Assassin Lavi: So y'know for sure this place has stayed sealed up the whole time? What if someone opened and shut it again so it just looks that way?

Pegasus Knight Lena ok ur rite Pegasus Knight Lena then we r dumb and didnt bring torches rip 4ever

Assassin Lavi wow that is terrible planning

Assassin Deak sux 2 suqq

Queen Alma: There isn't signs of tampering. By all means, try to pry it open if you'd like.

Assassin Deak luckily, i see well in the dark so

Queen Alma is v far from the sealed catacomb entrance Queen Alma like v far

Assassin Lavi same

Queen Alma not getting near if ur gonna try that

Assassin Lavi hums and goes near the door I guess

Pegasus Knight Lena holy shit dont

Princess Zuki stands back n watches

Assassin Deak walks with lavi

Princess Zuki: u...um...

Assassin Lavi: ...y'know this'd be easier if we had some light

Assassin Deak bye, here we go

Assassin Lavi: to see by Assassin Lavi who's the wimp now

Assassin Deak : >

Pegasus Knight Lena me but id rather not die

Princess Zuki glances up at alma like "are u sure ur gonna let them do this"

Pegasus Knight Lena if something comes out of that

Queen Alma has left the room

Assassin Deak goodbye alma

Assassin Lavi just kinda lightly testing the door for movement. Isn't dumb enough to actually open it tho lol

Princess Zuki is sloooowly backing away

Assassin Deak i want to open it Assassin Deak cAN I OPEN IT?

Assassin Lavi do not

Pegasus Knight Lena also backing off

Assassin Lavi holding his hand against a crack in the doors to feel if air is coming through it too

Assassin Deak there could be something interesting behind it and we could discover something no one else has

Assassin Lavi b/c if there's air coming through its not that tight

Pegasus Knight Lena: Well?

Princess Zuki ,,,,is gonna leave the room too

Assassin Lavi: ...Its hard to tell... but I think I feel a little bit of a draft through the cracks... just a little

Princess Zuki leaves the room too

Assassin Lavi bye Zuki

Princess Zuki qu EEN ALMA WHERE ARE U I FEEL UNSAFE

Queen Alma far away Queen Alma actually i just went to go get a torch

Assassin Deak 's eye widens and he just gets this spark of mischief Assassin Deak looks at lavi

Princess Zuki pls let me stay next to u im afraid

Queen Alma im back at the entrance Queen Alma ill be right back

Assassin Deak: ;; deak confirmed for the dumb, curious one in a horror game/movie

Pegasus Knight Lena: So it was opened then.

Assassin Deak: ...seems so~

Assassin Lavi: ...Probably

Pegasus Knight Lena walks over to the entrance and looks down at it Pegasus Knight Lena: Should we... go down?

Queen Alma coming back with a torch

Assassin Lavi grins a little bit sheepishly and steps behind her

Queen Alma glances at zuki Queen Alma: Well?

Assassin Lavi: After you : >

Princess Zuki: um...

Assassin Deak is gONNA OPEN THE DOOR

Princess Zuki looks back and then down at her feet

Assassin Lavi nO I MEANT AFTER LENA

Princess Zuki: i think... i-it might've been opened.

Assassin Deak I WANNA DO IT

Queen Alma: ..........

Assassin Lavi get your ass back here Deak >: (

Queen Alma: What?

Assassin Deak nO Assassin Deak MAKE ME

Assassin Lavi sO HELP ME

Assassin Deak kneels down,, Assassin Deak gonna do it

Pegasus Knight Lena: Wait, what are you doing?

Princess Zuki: that... boy, um... lavi, i think? said there was a bit of a draft through the cracks.

Queen Alma: Impossible. I made sure those were sealed. Queen Alma is v salty Queen Alma watch out she salty af

Princess Zuki: ...how thoroughly did you check..?

Assassin Lavi: Its Astor

Queen Alma is storming back into the room Queen Alma: Don't question me.

Princess Zuki follOWS

Assassin Lavi: And Indulf don't you dare!

Princess Zuki: m-my apologies.

Assassin Lavi salTY BRO NOISES

Assassin Deak ,,, Assassin Deak ,,,,,,,,,,,

Assassin Deak lifts a hand

Queen Alma: Do not open that.

Assassin Deak ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Assassin Deak ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Assassin Lavi I stg Deak

Queen Alma dONT DO IT

Assassin Deak slowly stands up

Assassin Lavi ur supposed to let the oTHER PEOPLE GO FIRST SO IF--

Queen Alma making her way over 2 the door

Assassin Deak: alright, alright.

Assassin Lavi that's right u get ur ass back here

Assassin Deak steps over to lavi

Pegasus Knight Lena hahah schooled

Queen Alma: How could it be open? Are you sure you didn't open it by mistake? Queen Alma: While you were checking?

Assassin Lavi: ...just feels like there's a draft coming through it, usually means its not sealed very tight

Queen Alma: ........

Assassin Lavi shRUGS

Queen Alma just reaches over and yanks the doors opennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn wow it smells like stale and decomposing bodies thats gros

Assassin Lavi wrinkles his nose Assassin Lavi yeP THAT'S A SMELL

Assassin Deak o h myg od Assassin Deak honestly gAGS

Queen Alma covers her face yikes

Assassin Deak should be used to it but. not that many

Pegasus Knight Lena: So........................ fresh?

Assassin Lavi pulls a cloth up to tie around his face tbh Assassin Lavi so he can breaaathe Assassin Lavi: ..... Assassin Lavi: Fresh enough Assassin Lavi: How long ago did you say this church was erected again?

Assassin Deak wow, thanks for covering me, asshole

Princess Zuki COVERS HER NOS E

Assassin Deak coughs and gags

Queen Alma is pretty irritated Queen Alma: During the last Queen's reign. Queen Alma starts making her way down the steps w/ the torch of course

Princess Zuki follows tbh

Assassin Lavi u have ur own cloth or something don't u

Queen Alma: When I last checked the doors were sealed. It would have had to occur after I checked the doors.

Assassin Deak his mouth is all watery and his eye is watering too Assassin Deak n o

Queen Alma dEAL WITH IT

Assassin Lavi oh Assassin Lavi well Assassin Lavi RIP u then

Assassin Deak thanks

Assassin Lavi u can stay here if u want I guess

Queen Alma: The traps should still be set also.

Assassin Lavi following along behind Alma

Queen Alma: Watch your steps.

Assassin Deak also no Assassin Deak rips a piece of his cravat to use a makeshift cloth Assassin Deak quickly follows after lavi

Princess Zuki is lookin around

Pegasus Knight Lena walks in last yolo not slamming doors this time Pegasus Knight Lena oh wait the doors just slammed : ' )

Assassin Lavi: ......

Pegasus Knight Lena: ...................

Assassin Lavi: ....didn't you learn your lesson last time

Pegasus Knight Lena: I swear it wasn't me.

Assassin Lavi didn't see tbh just heard it and also heyoooo its hella dark other than the torch Assassin Lavi: ...uh huh

Pegasus Knight Lena: It wasn't!

Assassin Deak f reezes up

Assassin Lavi: Gonna laugh again if we start jumping at shadows?

Princess Zuki: please cease your bickering. it's tiring.

Pegasus Knight Lena: I told you, I didn't do it!

Princess Zuki is done with ur shit

Assassin Deak takes a few shallow breaths before trying to breathe normally again

Queen Alma y didnt u guys bring torches

Assassin Lavi we haven't even bickered that long

Queen Alma why does the floor sound squishy suddenly

Assassin Lavi b/c u had a torch? Assassin Lavi: ....... Assassin Lavi ew god that's a sound I don't like to hear Assassin Lavi: ....what's that noise

Princess Zuki ,,,is just gonna. stay on the stairs

Assassin Lavi: What did you step in

Princess Zuki: ...the floor.

Queen Alma: I'm sure it's nothing.

Assassin Lavi is taking this whole thing calmly tbh

Assassin Deak i ' m g o i n g t o p u k e

Queen Alma: Keep up or there won't be any light left.

Assassin Lavi or as much as is possible

Assassin Deak is not the calm on e Assassin Deak is the very paranoid and angry one

Queen Alma squish squish squish squish

Assassin Lavi pushes Zuki along but gently Assassin Lavi: Keep movin' or get outta the way

Queen Alma stops moving for a moment to look back at them

Assassin Deak gags again

Princess Zuki almoST FALLS OVER

Queen Alma: Really, have you never been in catacombs before? Queen Alma: Do you believe someone comes down here to clean things, my Lord.

Assassin Deak: yes... but it's... it's never been this bad. Assassin Deak: my apologies...

Princess Zuki: it's not necessarily a habit one would like to get into, ma'am.

Queen Alma narrows her eyes Queen Alma: Truly.

Princess Zuki: it's only natural for one to be disgusted. Princess Zuki walks tho

Pegasus Knight Lena squish squish squish squish

Assassin Lavi: Limlan doesn't really need many catacombs... big open country. Plenty of room for graveyards above ground. Assassin Lavi ew its squishy

Pegasus Knight Lena u feel that slimy shit Pegasus Knight Lena the slick Pegasus Knight Lena squishy Pegasus Knight Lena surface

Princess Zuki we're stepping on a big pizza confirmed

Assassin Lavi: ...gonna ruin my good boots walking in whatever this is

Pegasus Knight Lena that should not be how floors feel

Assassin Lavi: It better wash out

Queen Alma: It would... be best not to look down then.

Assassin Deak is it blood?

Princess Zuki: quit complaining. it could be much worse than this.

Assassin Deak oh my god Assassin Deak it is, isn't it?

Assassin Lavi sliPS

Queen Alma: If someone has come down here, the traps probably went off and... reduced them to less than li- Queen Alma wow

Assassin Lavi u better move it fast Zuki Assassin Lavi there's a tree falling

Assassin Deak trIES TO GRAB ONTO LAVI TO KEEP HIM FROM FALLING BUT Assassin Deak there he goes,,

Pegasus Knight Lena tIMBER

Princess Zuki mOVES

Assassin Deak ,,,,

Assassin Lavi hits the...

Assassin Deak: ...astor?

Assassin Lavi oh god what is th i  s

Queen Alma: Oh dear.

Assassin Lavi what is on these floooors

Queen Alma you really dont want to know

Assassin Lavi trying to geT UP

Queen Alma like seriously Queen Alma: If I were you, I would stand quicker than anything.

Assassin Lavi: Get offa me!

Assassin Deak offers lavi a hand

Assassin Lavi @ Deak

Assassin Deak ?!?

Assassin Lavi oh I thought u fell on me

Assassin Deak wHAT THE FUCK

Assassin Deak nO

Queen Alma you fell too

Assassin Deak wOW

Queen Alma oh

Assassin Deak N O I DIDNT

Assassin Lavi takING THAT HAND UP

Assassin Deak i tried to catch lavi but

Assassin Lavi: ...I don't even think I want to know...

Queen Alma: Try not to use your imagination to think of what you just landed on.

Assassin Lavi trying to brush himself off ew ew

Queen Alma turns and continues walking

Assassin Deak: ...it's probably blood.

Assassin Lavi I'm prob gonna have to burn these cloTHES

Assassin Deak: bodily fluids....

Queen Alma: If it were only blood.

Assassin Lavi >: ( Assassin Lavi: ...... Assassin Lavi: you... Assassin Lavi: sound like

Assassin Deak gags ag ain

Assassin Lavi: you know

Queen Alma: I believe I said I've been down here before. Queen Alma did i

Assassin Deak: wh...what is it?

Queen Alma i cant remember

Assassin Lavi goodbye jacket u were a dear friend 2 me but this nastiness is a dealbreaker

Princess Zuki: i don't think giving subtle hints as to what the substance is would help much.

Queen Alma: I also said you wouldn't want to kno--

Princess Zuki >:/

Assassin Lavi pushes Deak ahead of him

Queen Alma: I would rather avoid them gagging on the floor.

Assassin Lavi u go first this time so I don't slip again

Pegasus Knight Lena ew

Princess Zuki: you could avoid that entirely by not repeating yourself on the matter.

Assassin Deak ?!?!?!

Princess Zuki: some things are best left alone. Princess Zuki is weirdly calm rn idk why

Queen Alma: Coming from you, that means less than anything.

Assassin Deak fALL S BA CK Assassin Deak got it,, in his hair,,,

Assassin Lavi: ...I don't think I'm--

Queen Alma >: (

Assassin Deak haha,,, Assassin Deak ha,,,,

Assassin Lavi ??!?!

Princess Zuki: when does anything i say affect you? i'm but a naive princess to you.

Queen Alma: Truly.

Assassin Lavi RIP Deak's hair Assassin Lavi time 2 shave it all off Assassin Lavi: ...anyway I don't think I'm ever gonna get the smell out of my nose

Assassin Deak quickly scrambles to stand up, pretty much  on the verge of a panic attack but u kNOW HE'S FINE Assassin Deak nO Assassin Deak I'M NOT GONNA SHAVE IT OFF

Assassin Lavi: ...... Assassin Lavi: Everybody stop moving

Assassin Deak panicking even more

Queen Alma stops moving and turns around

Assassin Deak but like. silently and quickly breathing

Queen Alma: What is it?

Assassin Lavi just grabs Deak and holds him still Assassin Lavi: ...just be quiet

Queen Alma eXCUSe Me

Assassin Lavi he's listening Assassin Lavi: ...I thought I heard something

Assassin Deak w himpers quietly

Assassin Lavi I'd hug u if u weren't gross with god only knows what rn Assassin Lavi but u are gross Assassin Lavi rn Assassin Lavi: ....did anyone else hear anything or just me?

Queen Alma: Unless you hear the dead, I haven't heard anything.

Assassin Deak i 'm dy in g

Princess Zuki: it... may have just been you.

Assassin Lavi hums

Assassin Deak closes his eye and tries to recollect himself but he's shaking and just. thIS SHOULDN'T BOTHER HIM

Queen Alma: Onwards, then. Queen Alma turns once more and walks forward again

Assassin Lavi walks ahead of Deak to where Alma is with the light and looks around for something like a stone or w/e

Queen Alma: Try not to slip.

Assassin Lavi: ...I'll try not to

Assassin Deak walks slowly

Assassin Lavi is that a leg bone

Queen Alma why are you looking for a stone Queen Alma dont look at that

Assassin Lavi something to throw

Queen Alma oh go for it

Assassin Lavi make a little bit of noise u know Assassin Lavi see if something answers

Queen Alma wait what Queen Alma thERES NOTHING DOWN HERe

Assassin Lavi but not like. Right where we're standing

Assassin Deak can something but really nothing touch my leg bc i could help with that Assassin Deak with how paranoid i am rn haha rip

Assassin Lavi gonna just hurl that leg bone down the corridor to make some noise :'> Let's hope there's no sound that answers it

Assassin Deak good job, lavi Assassin Deak good job

Assassin Lavi look if there's something else here Assassin Lavi I want to hear it coming

??? joined the chat

Assassin Deak f u c k

??? dripping noises gradually getting louder

Princess Zuki oH BOY

Assassin Lavi: ........

Queen Alma what the fuck did u just do

Assassin Lavi quietly

Princess Zuki ,,,is starting to hear a thing

Assassin Lavi: I told you I heard something

??? scraping noises against the walls

Assassin Lavi backing way tf up tbh Good Luck Alma

Queen Alma: ...

Assassin Deak 's eye widens and just. turns

Princess Zuki cRINGES Princess Zuki HATES THAT NOISE

Assassin Deak gonna walk away now

??? the door is locked behind you

Assassin Deak goodbye Assassin Deak fUCK

??? i locked it remember

Assassin Deak moves around lena

??? you fell in onto the ground, i can smell you guys ??? you can run but you can't hide ??? ill find you

Assassin Deak l e av e me alONE

Assassin Lavi but if we smell like the floor doesn't that mean we'll just Assassin Lavi blend in

??? hahahahahahah thats funny ??? that floor is only in that one area ??? so i know when something is down here

Assassin Lavi o shit

??? so i can find it ??? kill it

Assassin Lavi so anyway

Assassin Deak YaNKS ON THE DOOR

Assassin Lavi goes behind Lena and pushes her forward a bit

Assassin Deak PANICKING VERY QUIETLY

Assassin Lavi: You're up. Assassin Lavi : >

Pegasus Knight Lena: W-what Pegasus Knight Lena what

Assassin Deak YANK, YANK, YANK

Assassin Lavi do ur job

Assassin Deak yANK

Assassin Lavi dEAK STOP YANKING THE DOOR

Assassin Lavi going over to Deak and juST

Pegasus Knight Lena this isnt smart

Assassin Lavi: stop that

Pegasus Knight Lena: What am I supposed to go after, I can't see anything!

Assassin Deak looks at him and has that look of a caged animal

??? here i come ??? ready or not

Assassin Deak growls quietly

Assassin Lavi its fine if u keep making noise it'll prob find u

Princess Zuki iS TRYING TO BE BRAVE

Assassin Deak s t o p s

??? drip drip drip ??? scrape scrape scrape ??? nails on a chalkboard now

Princess Zuki tf are u doin tryin to make us need to pee--

Assassin Lavi: Too much noise. Stay quiet. Remember your training.

Princess Zuki OW OK NOPE Princess Zuki coVERS HER EARS

Assassin Deak n o d s

Assassin Lavi th a t's not a nice sound

Assassin Deak closes his eye and just. tryING TO IGNORE IT

??? i can hear the beating of your hearts and you can hear mine

Assassin Lavi takes Deak's hand to lead him through the dark and stay together. If they can just find a good hiding spot somewhere in the dark... different hallway maybe

??? audible ??? loud ??? clear

Assassin Lavi thAT'S AN EVEN NOT NICER SOUND

Assassin Deak follows after lavi, tRYING TO STAY CALM AND QUIET

Princess Zuki whiNES SOFTL Y

Queen Alma: The path doesn't split unless you go further up. Queen Alma: It's a straight hall.

Assassin Lavi .....

??? here i come

Assassin Lavi sh it

??? tick tock tick tock ??? heavy breathing, heart pounding

Assassin Lavi: ...maybe we can make it to where the hall splits faster than it can?

Assassin Deak: ...perhaps.

Queen Alma: Isn't it in front of us?

Assassin Lavi how wide is this hall btw Assassin Lavi: ...hence

Assassin Deak: if... if we don't though, i....

Assassin Lavi: "before it can"

Assassin Deak: ....

Queen Alma not that wide unfortunately

Assassin Lavi welp

Queen Alma: We could try.

Assassin Lavi draws his dagger Assassin Lavi prob gonna have to fight our way out

Queen Alma turns and takes a step before shrieking and dropping the torch oops

Assassin Lavi !!!!!!!!

??? here i am ??? hi

Assassin Deak looks at lavi before drawing his dagger as well

??? tried to get by ??? now you cant see me ??? but i can see you

Assassin Lavi .....

Assassin Deak remember training. Assassin Deak it's fine.

Assassin Lavi we fight in the dark all the time Assassin Lavi part of our profession : >

??? you know what my profession is?

Assassin Lavi killing?

??? close, but not really

Assassin Lavi aw and here I had a comeback for if u said yes

??? see, it's what i use to kill that defines me ??? where are we right now

Assassin Lavi a tomb?

Assassin Deak u uSE DEAD PEOPLE?!!?!

Assassin Lavi o

??? what do you assume you landed in

Assassin Deak b loo d

Assassin Lavi ...blood? Assassin Lavi its not blood, is it

??? no ??? try again

Assassin Lavi oil?

??? is oil or blood squishy ??? think this through

Assassin Lavi guts? Assassin Lavi are we inside a huge gut Assassin Lavi is this Naruto

??? what the fuck ??? no ??? when did that happen in Naruto ??? oh with the snake right

Assassin Lavi Jiraiya's toad stomach jutsu--

??? oh ??? wrong thing

Assassin Lavi anyway I give up Assassin Lavi this is a weird standoff guessing game

??? lame ???: aCTUALLY ] ???: i have no idea what im going for w/ this ]

Assassin Lavi: LMFAO }

Assassin Deak: ;; o mg

???: i was waiting 2 see if something cool was suggested ] ???: i ToLD You GuyS ] ???: i dK WHAT IM DOiNG ]

Assassin Lavi: I mean I figured like } Assassin Lavi: either oil like something combustable or like } Assassin Lavi: weird mucus or something }

???: i just wanted to adventure in catacombs tbh ] ???: i like the history thing ]

Assassin Lavi: lmao {

???: but then we had 2 bring in some monster so i just threw something up ] ???: : ( ]

Assassin Lavi: RIP }

???: its like ]

Assassin Lavi: I mean I'm cool w/ Catacomb Adventures but I'm also 300% down for Lavi to be ripped limb by limb LMFAO }

???: "no its actually just cake and this was all an elaborate prank for messing up the masquerade party!!" ]

Assassin Deak: ;; thinks back to worm 1 Assassin Deak: ;; ahaha,,, Assassin Deak: ;; h a , , ,