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webeattheuniverse2to1 · 3 years

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Tell me a lie, I’ll believe you

CHAPTER 6

Time ... how many times have we wished it to pass quickly?

When we get bored, we want time to be in a second. But, if we stop and think ... for what?

Why do we want to escape those situations? What awaits us? What's after?

Instead, we should stop and enjoy those moments. The moments that we consider less significant.

The ones we believe we can have forever. That will never end. Do you know what they are called? Happy Island. But I call them limbo. The calm before the storm. The light before the dark. The day before the night. We know how long they will last, because we know when they end. But we can't know when the night will end.

We can only commit ourselves to survive, in the memory of the light.

And curse us for not having fully savored those moments, wishing they would pass.

And now? Here is the answer? We still needed time.

The first time was at Kepner's wedding. Even though she hadn't used the words "will you marry me" directly, she meant that. And he was angry when she said she wasn't ready. Not 'no', but she just wasn't ready.

The second time ... well, that was a disaster.

He thought she was ready. But she wasn't. In fact, it wasn't that, just 'I can't'. He could not. Those words were like a punch in the stomach. She didn't tell him why, but she just couldn't.

The third time ... there was no question. It was just 'no'.

Not 'I'm not ready'. Not 'I can't'. Only no.

Take or leave.

Stay or go.

And he made the mistake of choosing the latter.

And he curses himself for doing it.

If he had listened to her, if he hadn't forced her ... now maybe everything would be different.

If he and he alone listened to her, they could both take the day off the next day so she could tell him everything.

Today they could have been together.

Instead they shot her.

Weather. Here's what he wanted. He still wanted time with her, to be with her. To be able to stand by her, listen to her talk about hospital gossip over and over ... those talks he never paid much attention to. But he should have done it. What would he give him to be able to hear her laughter again echoing through the loft walls.

The loft. That landfill she had bought for them, so they could be alone and where to start building a life together.

Alex thinks about this as he walks into the loft after two weeks.

He didn't want to leave Jo, but she had been taken to the operating room so that the others could understand how far the infection was. He wanted to stay close to her, but in the end he was forced. How could he go against Bailey? So now he finds himself there. It feels so empty without her. As if something is missing. Alex sighs, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge, looking around. The couch. The one she had bought for him with the money she won on the bet. The kitchen. Where he had failed miserably several times to cook something. He chuckles at the thought as their whole story passes by. Blurred images of Jo disappear as a lone tear escapes his eye. He turns behind him to look at her side of the bed. He forcibly closes her eyes, bringing her eyebrows closer together, warding off tears.

When he opens them, he takes a deep breath. Suddenly his sense of oppression seems to crush him as he quickly gets up, throws his clothes into a duffel bag and walks away.

He can't be without her. And if she doesn't survive ... he doesn't know if he'll be able to live there.

An hour later, he is in the gallery above Jo's operating room. They had tried to stop him, but nothing could be done. They couldn't keep him away.

He was watching intently, but then decided to turn on the intercom. "How is her?" he asks. "Karev, what the heck are you doing up there?" Bailey asks, without looking up at her. "Bailey, come on, how is Jo?" he asks more and more impatient. She sighs, looking at Jackson across the table. "All in all, better than we expected. But, Alex, we don't have to rush. The drugs are working, but the infection is still there." Alex nods, sitting down on one of the chairs behind him.

Ten minutes later, they are ready to shut down when the monitors start ringing. Alex leaps to her feet, almost shouting over the intercom. "What is happening?!" "Heart rate is dropping!" Avery yells. Soon after, the heart rate monitor line flattens out. "Start compressions!" "Prepare the plates!" Bailey stops with the compressions, but there is no heartbeat. "Nothing, load at 200!" she says, placing the plates on Jo's chest. "Clear!" she shakes her head when there is no result. Avery resumes compressions as they prepare the plates again. "Ok, load up to 250! Clear!" they are all looking at the monitor, which continues to mark the flat line.

Then suddenly the frequency increases and the heartbeat resumes. Alex runs a hand over his forehead, leaning against the glass. Everyone in the room sighs with relief. "Well, now let's close ...! And, Jo, don't play tricks like that anymore ..." Bailey sighs, taking the thread from the nurse.

Once again, Alex puts on her gloves, mask and scrub before entering Jo's room. Even if he was improving, they shouldn't let their guard down, because at this moment it would take little to make the situation degenerate.

He stops in her doorway, watching her. She looks different to him. She is different from the energetic and perky Jo he was used to. She was ... different. Paler than usual. She seemed more worn out than a few days ago. "Hey ..." he is shaken by her thoughts from her submissive voice. He looks at her, a faint smile gracing her face. He smiles back at her, moving closer to her. "Hey ... how are you feeling?" he asks cautiously. "I've been better ..." she says in a faint voice. He gives her her usual crooked smile, even though he's not sure she can see it through the mask. He places his hand on her cheek, gently stroking her with her thumb, looking at her softly.

"How did the surgery go ...?" she asks. He sighs, trying to stay optimistic. "Well ... it went well ... you are healing, it will take some time, but you will be fine ...!" he reassures her. She looks him directly into her eyes, sighing. "You can't tell ..." "Oh, I do ...!" she frowns "Alex, you know I may not make it ... I may have been fine before I was seriously ill ... what are the chances that I will fully recover ...? We are doctors, you know it could happen ..." " Jo- "" Alex, "she says, taking his hand with what little energy she has left. "Please ... don't have too many illusions that I'll make it ... I don't want you to feel bad for me ... you can go if you want, I'll understand ..." "Shut up ...!" he says bluntly, taking them back to that night in the storm. "I'm not leaving you, for nothing in the world, okay? I don't want to leave to never see you again. I don't want to be without you ...! I don't want to live without you ...! I won't go away. And I know that you won't either ...! You won't die, you'll be fine because I need you! I don't want a wife, I don't want children, I don't want a house with a white fence without you! I don't want to give up on you. You are all I need. You will be fine, you will live, okay? Because I don't want to wake up in the morning without you by my side. I don't want to see movies sitting on our sofa without you next to me. I want to try to put together a dinner without you laughing. I don't want to have children if you're not by my side. I don't want to have a wife if this isn't you. I don't need anything, just you Jo! " he says, wiping the tears from her face as she leans into her touch. "I was wrong, Jo. I shouldn't have cared. I shouldn't have given you an ultimatum. I shouldn't have left, but I should have listened to you. And I know you don't want me to blame, but all of this ... I feel it's my fault .. . I shouldn't have left you, and I swear to God, I will never, never again. Because you are worth everything and more Jo, really. That night I was serious. To me you are everything. I love you, Jo. And I don't have I need marriage, I don't want it. I want you. And if you want the same ... well, then you don't need to be married, just be together. After all, that's marriage, isn't it? 'each other for life. For better or for worse. Health and disease. Forever. I promise you, Jo. Forever. I will not leave you. " she giggles in tears, putting all her strength together and placing a hand on her cheek, looking into her eyes and nodding. "If ... if this is marriage ... that's what I want ...!" their submissive laughter mirrors as Alex presses his forehead against hers. "I really wish I could kiss you right now ..." she whispers to him. He chuckles at her, stroking her cheek. "Rest now ... I'll be here when you wake up," she says. "Do you promise?" "I promise," she assures her. When she thinks she is asleep, she whispers "I love you too Alex".

In the end ... after dark the light goes back to spending. After the night the sun will rise again. The bad times ... well, those will always be there, but they last forever.

#jolex #jolex fanfic #jo wilson #alex karev #greys anatomy

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imnotgoinganywhereok · 3 years

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Yeah, I’m back on my Sims 4 bullshit! („ಡωಡ„) After an entire month I started to miss my Sim children. So, I decided to visit them once again and have some memorable screenshots, especially since I only started sharing my Sims experience from 5th and 6th generation. I’d be grateful if you checked it out one day, I think it can be somewhat investing! And there will be more content to come...

Recently I noted down in my little notebook all basic information and cool trivia about each of my Sim children, and I decided to share some of it here. There is a limit of only 10 pictures in one post, and I was afraid the post would be long but, to be fair, this is my blog and I’m doing what I want now! And, I will merely touch upon what is already established up to Delphini (gen 7). Again, there will be more in the future. Apologies in advance (ง ื▿ ื)ว

Generation one: Valentina Owl. I created her back in December 2019 when I got Discover University for Christmas! She’s a “human” Sim and I created her through a story option in CAS, and immediately started having a blast. I was not a huge fan of such USAmericanised concept of university but the game was fun. She was the only one who lived up to be an elder (and then die) because back then I thought I’m gonna have a game where my Sims age and stuff. That quickly didn’t work out for me because I missed her already and decided that I’m gonna fill my entire save with just Owl family. Valentina studied Communications and worked as a policewoman at the same time. A lonely workaholic with only her lavish garden, she finally settled for a relationship with Lilith Vatore. As I noticed in this post, there was no marriage so my entire bloodline comes from a bastard. Lovely! She died from receiving a flower arragement with Death Flower scent. Now she’s on the Gallery.

Generation two: Herbert Owl. He was the one who directly killed Valentina. He mastered Gardening like Valentina, and then Flower Arranging - unfortunate for her. Because of Lilith, he was a vampire - and to be fair, the consequences are haunting me to this day! So, a few trivia, maybe. He is super smart, lives in Glimmerbrook like the next two generations, and has a small garden in his house where he grows crops for husband’s, Morgyn Ember’s, potions. He prefers black and purple clothes, both in his human and vampire form. He wrote only one book in his life, translating to The Real Story of Valentina Owl - whether it’s to cover the murder or not remains a mystery. He makes flower arrangements to this day. Ah, he’s also immune to Sun thanks to one of his vampire perks! That sort of helped him take a better care of his son whom he loves very much.

Generation three: Harry Owl. There is not that much I can say about him. A perfectionist like his father (Herbert), he’s blond and wears both masculine and feminine clothes like his other father (Morgyn), but this is where the comparisons end. See, in my mind he wasn’t a good person, despite having a Compassionate trait. He cared for his grandmother’s (Valentina’s) garden only because of his father’s (Herbert’s) feelings; later he shun away gardening. As a teenager, he often used to drink plasma without permission even if he wasn’t thirsty. Of course, he was also a really bad father, often berating his son for not being “good enough” or not paying attention to him at all. All Harry cared about were his paintings that he was creating in his private office. He married Miverva Charm, started living with her family, and still decided to only socialise with her. No one really knows what made him choose her.

Generation four: Nereus Owl. Born a vampire, he cured himself out of vampirism as soon as he could and later became a spellcaster. All he ever did in life was seemed like a rebellion against his father - clothes, flacking off during studies, loving gardening and shuning away painting. Well, it seemed to his father that Nereus is doing this to spite him. Despite this borderline abuse (because how abusive can Sims really be?), Nereus claims his childhood was relatively happy. Of course, he has no clue where his Erratic trait came from! Or why he grew to be a Perfectionist as well. All he knows is that having over 11 different plants in his garden is what makes him happy and that he doesn’t care if his father approves of him anymore! You could see him for the first time here. What is more, as he grew older, he found that he loves playing the violin and his wife, L. Faba, supports him in any way she can. His natural hair colour is red; thanks, grey-haired Minerva - that one bit me in the ass for next three generations.

Generation five: Elijah Tane Owl. Vegetarian like his father, he was the first one to attend Foxbury instead of Britechester. His father Nereus claimed it should be Elijah’s choice what he wants to do in life, giving Elijah freedom Nereus never really had. Elijah studied Computer Science but was a man of many talents. He was a fan of Handiness, Cooking (especially grilling), and Fitness. He often played (and sang) serenades on a keyboard for his wife, Alessandra Robles, almost maxing out his Piano skill. What made him date Alessandra was a shared Vegetarian trait. His favourite colour accent in clothing is green. He grew six strawberry plants because he wished to have a daughter (yeah, only in Sims 4 lol). There are more info about him in my previous posts as it was this generation when I started publishing my game progress, starting with this one (although my main focus was on Salem).

Generation six: Salem Owl (previously Lavender Owl). There is tons and tons of posts about her, her wife Luna Villareal (both are adults, calm down FBI), and their five daughers: Amaryllis, Wisteria, Delphini (remember this one), Hemlock, and Poppy. All you need to know about her is that she is a hard-working mother who climbed her way to the top and even higher to secure the future of her daughers. She hoped for three children and played with On the Dark Ley-Line lot trait to perhaps have some vampire offspring. Instead, she had twins (Ama and Wis) first, and then triplets (Del, Hem, and Poppy) later! She taught her daughers instruments/skills like Piano, Pipe Organ, and Violin. Once she realised Wis and Hem were vampires, she started growing three Plasma fruit trees, with time maxing out her Gardening skill. She’s on very bad terms with her grandma, L. Faba, but tries to keep in touch with her grandpa, Nereus. She has a bad reputation because of her Insensitive trait and a handful of enemies. She’s sorry for what happened between Lilith and Valentina in the past but the Vatore twins don’t mind. She’s ginger, workaholic, has spiky ears, and a lot of freckles. She’s still very good friends with Vladislaus.

Generation seven (A): Amaryllis Owl. She’s colour-coded (pink) and her clothes and room reflect that. She wrote at least 10 books, has spiky ears after her mother (Salem), and is the older daugher in the house. Eventually, she married Candy Behr. Ama’s twin sister is Wisteria and they share the same eyeliner type. Despite having a twin, her skin tone is lighter than Wis’ but the same as Hem and Poppy’s. She inherited a feminine walk from her mother (Luna). Doesn’t know much about Vampire Lore despite having vampire sisters. She loved doing everything with her twin sister. Amaryllis used to be a naturally-born/spawned hybrid of a vampire and a spellcaster but settled for the latter.

Generation seven (B): Wisteria Owl. She’s colour-coded (purple) and her room reflects that. As a vampire, she aims for a gothic look, often wearing hats and gloves to hide from the sun (with time, she turned into a heliphobe). She’s an actress and a B-Lister. She has a pet frog in her room. To reach her room, one has to walk through Ama’s room first - and they’re both okay with that. Wis is the only one to have the same skin tone as her mother (Salem) and the same nose as her other mother (Luna). Her vampiric form changes her eye colour to glowing purple. She loved goign to karaoke bars with her older twin sister Ama, which led Wis to maxing out Singing skill. As a fully fledged vampire, she decided to reach out to Herbert - they’re good friends.

Generation seven (C): Delphini Owl. Same as Amaryllis - naturally-born/spawned hybrid of a vampire and a spellcaster but settled for the latter. She’s colour-coded (dark blue) and her clothes and room reflect that. She always knew she’s going to leave the house and eventually create more Owls. She pursued the rich life and moved out to Del Sol Valley, eventually becoming a Global Superstar. She used to work in a Musician Branch but quit after time - blame the Freegan trait. She has three cats and lives with her daugher Morgan, and her [Morgan’s] husband Kaito Kaneko, and their adopted son Leven Owl (all of which I’ll talk about another time). She received a lot of awards (meeting with fans, Perfect Llama to name the few) and is very happy that her daugher lives with her. She used to romance with Flower Bunny, and then Octavia Moon - althought the initial plan was to go after Octavia’s husband, Thorne. Del often drinks but since there’s no alcoholism in Sims 4, let’s pretent she likes to stay hydrated! She owes half of her success (or namely, money for and expensive house) to her mother Salem. Loves to sunbathe!

Generation seven (D): Hemlock Owl. She’s colour-coded (white) and her clothes and room reflect that. She’s a make-up enthusiast and a little spoiled by the rich life. Also, she’s very Squeamish and Noncommittal. Despite being a vampire, she’s not interested in improving Vampire Lore skill at all. In her vampire form, her eyes change to glowing white. Her face as as many freckles as her mother’s (Salem). She’s the middle child in the triplets business and her best friend is Poppy. She used to wear glasses as a child... What more can I say? She’s living the dream!

Generation seven (E): Poppy Owl. She’s colour-coded (red) and her clothes and room (and a neon light) reflect that. The youngest daughter in the house. Wild and a Bro, she’s the perfect candidate to hang out with. She’s the only child to be born a human - which most likely makes Luna very happy. She’s a robots enthusiast - not Robotics skill but only figurines of robots. She’s a Geek so what else should we expect? She has her own TV and a stereo in her room (as well as a bubble machine). Poppy often wears her PJs around the house because they’re the comfiest. Despite being a Bro, she doesn’t really have friends beside her family. She’s the one to walk the family dog, Milk.

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crossdressingdeath · 4 years

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Ooooh, eyes opened again about the reason why WWX never admits losing his golden core at least to JC and JYL even without giving the real reason, especially after WZL death! I was immensely frustrated by what I thought was a plot hole because between being caught by WC and being thrown into Burial Mounds(no one knows what can happen here so another plausible explanation), there were many ways, but it appears it was a hole in my understanding on how petty JC is and how WWX knows that and still 1/

choose not to antagonize him over it! I swear, if WWX was adopted by Jin Jixun's family instead of the Jiangs, I'm sure we'll be lead to believe that JJX is an upstanding cultivator and a good person deep down lol As for never bringing him leading away the Wen before WWX death, it's not a good emotional bargaining ship as like it was JC's choice, it can't be 100% WWX's fault and WWX did fix all the fallout, unlike the empty blame for the fall of LP, JYL was also alive and as many RL toxic 2/4

people, JC likes to keep a veil of plausible deniability to himself (and others) for his toxic behaviors, like as you noticed, he kicked WWX out, but WWX asked for it first, right? Nvm that he asked for that on the tail of JC saying that no one will speak up for WWX, implying that JC didn't too and JC didn't believe in WWX at all anymore as well. (It was also of course a horribly cruel thing to say because there were at least 3 persons who spoke up with 1 quitting her sect over it...but WWX 3/4

alone in Burial Mound, could never learn about that. Hope LWJ casually brings it up one day and they have a Discussion.) Plus bc of this sacrifice, JC needed to be rescued by 2 Wens, WWX and a (false) immortal, without speaking about the breakdown, so probably not JC proudest moment in general. I do think tho that JC liked WWX and liked having him to his side as a helper and a moral support (WWX is good at that) but when the chips came down, he did not choose to prioritize this relationship.4/4

Like even after Guanyin temple and JGY death, the thing that stops him from talking to WWX again and try to maybe repair the relationship is that he feels that he'll have to offer at least a perfunctory thank you and he refuses to do that, and by seeing his previous sorry to WWX that didn't contain an ounce of feeling sorry, it doesn't feel like a hill to die on if WWX was so important to him or if he felt as much love and care for WWX as WWX did (does?) for him. 5/4

JC liked having some form of relationship with WWX as long as he didn’t have to put any effort into it. After WWX’s resurrection, rebuilding their relationship would require JC to come to the table and actually work on fixing things, especially since LWJ will not tolerate a half-assed effort (even though WWX probably would). The two of them having a healthy, positive relationship would require a lot of work from both JC and WWX and... well, JC doesn’t want to put in the effort. He wants to be able to yell at WWX and order him to come back and bow and scrape for JC’s forgiveness, and if he can’t have that he doesn’t want to bother with it.

Also, I think JC telling WWX that no one will speak up for him after seeing that several people would and would offer what support they could if given the chance is indicative of his desire to be the one people rely on. If WWX knew that there were people he could go to who would be willing to help him and the Wens, he might not abandon the Wens to die and come crawling back to JC. Now that WWX has come back and married LWJ, there’s no chance of getting him back to that level of having to rely on JC. In other words, if JC wants WWX back he’s going to have to treat him well and make him want to stay. Making people want to stay isn’t exactly JC’s strong suit.

You’re probably right about why JC wouldn’t try to use the core loss to guilt WWX, too. I don’t know how much JYL would affect it (she never really seemed aware of just how awful JC was to WWX, and I imagine he’d know enough to avoid her noticing him guilting WWX through JC’s own actions), but I can buy JC not wanting to draw attention to how badly he handled the whole situation, even if doing so might give him more power over WWX.

(And yeah, if WWX was raised by any other asshole family, ranging from JZXun’s all the way up to WRH’s, he’d probably have a similar “Oh, but they saved my life and haven’t let me die, they’re so good to me!” reaction as long as someone in the family made an effort to be nice to him.)

#grapehate #asks #anon

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blackcatanna · 4 years

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Tales of the Reluctant Kazama Bitch Part 2: Edo Blossoms!

We left our would-be heroine galloping across the country, desperately clinging to the man who's repeatedly threatened to kidnap and impregnate her. However, all of this ickyness is forgotten in the face of a greater threat: her creepy brother and stepdad, who want to turn everyone into shitty vampires.

Chapter 1:

*Sadly scrolls past superior men to get to Kazama's portrait* :'(

If this route contains plenty of free Sen and Kimigiku, I will be less mad at it.

Wait, when you say, "abandon our horse" you are gonna come back for it, right?! RIGHT?!!? O_O

A deserted house, huh? Seems like a great place to have a nap and totally not get murdered by the spirits of the restless undead.

And, of course, Kazama just HAS to take a minute to be a bougie bitch, "Hmph. I would sooner call this a hut than a house."

"Just shut up, and sit tight." Classic Kazama.

Kazama going on about "The destructive force of humans" again -_- Pot kettle black. Bitch.

Wow, the Yukimura clan helped Tokugawa Ieyasu "usurp control of the country with military force." In my head, this takes place in the same universe as the Samurai Warriors series X_X

"You take me for some boorish creep, don't you?" Yes.

"I shall not lay a finger upon you until our marriage is finalized." That's great, provided that I get a say in whether or not we get married!

Amagiri is being helpful and practical and Kazama is just being extremely rude, stubborn and idiotic. X_X

"You'd better not bitch at all, got it?" Um, Kazama, you're the one who bitches about everything. Not me.

"The thought of Kazama rescuing me stood at odds with the initial impression I'd had of him as a crude, sadistic warrior who hated the Shinsengumi." Um, why can't he be all of those things? Just because he's a dick doesn't mean that he's going to let his precious brood mare fall off a cliff!

HAND HOLDING ALERT! THE ORGASMETER IS GOING WILD!!! PHYSICAL CONTACT INITIATED!

Hold up, female demons all have the same stamina as normal humans but males get superhuman endurance?! This is so unfair! -_-

Chapter 2:

Guess I'll never see my beloved Shinsen-gummies again :'(

Here goes Kazama again, shitting on the Shinsengumi for risking their lives because he can't comprehend the idea of anything being worth risking his own precious life.

"Kazama dismissed the Shinsengumi to a degree that I could only describe as willful ignorance." YES GIRL. GET HIM. "I had never met anyone so incapable of empathy." Most sociopaths find it advantageous to at least pretend to empathise with people. I guess when you're an all-powerful demon price, such precautions are needless.

Ooh! Can I please stay at the Shinsengumi's headquarters!

OH SO NOW MY OPINIONS ARE ASININE?!??!!! I THOUGHT THAT THIS HO AGREED WITH ME THAT FURIES ARE BAD!?

Wait, so now I don't want Kazama to kill my family of creeps? Y tho? I love my family but I still wouldn't let them commit stupid genocide. I guess she really believes that she can reason with them. We'll see how that works out.

I am enjoying this slice of Kodo backstory to hammer home how far he has fallen.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! SO, IN THIS ROUTE, KAZAMA HATES HIM SO HE CAN'T PIMP ME OUT TO KAZAMA SO HE WANTS ME TO "MATE WITH" THE FURIES INSTEAD!??!? WTF!?!!

"Bitter, senile idiot" For once, Kazama is right.

Did Kodo just throw me at Kazama?! Stepdad of the year.

"Perhaps I'm being forward, but I see in you the virtues befitting the leader of the Yukimura clan." Stop, stop. My penis can only get so erect.

"You will feel better watching me peel the flesh from their bones with the swing of my sword." O_O Is this Game of Thrones now? Uh, thanks, I guess, for those words of, uh? Comfort?! What girl doesn't want to watch a guy dismember her family!?

Awe, tiny Chizuru's village burning memory :'( My heart! :'(

Shiranui "plopping" himself on the floor is a big mood :')

Nooo! The Shogunate is feeding the Shinsengumi to the furies?! :'(

Spider Kaoru being weird and creepy (literally) as usual.

Ugh, I thought we'd agreed to murder the fam?

Ooh! This house has pretty wallpaper!

Why couldn't Kaoru just live with me and Kodo for all those years?! Did Kodo just hand him over to those abusive fucks because he couldn't be bothered to raise a child who didn't have a precious vagina?

I love the scuttling sound that the minions make when they assemble! :')

Turns out, even Amagiri can't punch a fury to death X_X

DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD. Kodo just went so, so evil o_e

I've stopped listening to Kazama whenever he goes off on one of his rants about how all humans suck and are to blame for all of our problems -_-

When the nice music started playing, I expect to see someone I actually liked but it was just Kazama in a new outfit.

CALM DOWN, YOU THIRSTY WENCH! IT'S JUST A NEW OUTFIT X_X

"Quit wallowing in your self-pity for once." Wisdom?! From Kazama?!

"Do you remember the Shinsengumi captain named 'Harada'?" O_O Yes. What happened to him?! IS HE OKAY?!?? DID YOU KILL HIM!!!?!!!!?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :'( :'( :'( </3

And so it begins. Hanging out with these fuckers while watching everyone I love die from afar </3

Awe, Shiranui and Harada became buddies <3 and now Shiranui blames his bad luck for Harada's death. :'( It's not your fault, Shiranui D'X

Kazama: "No time for tears." BEGONE, THOT. :'(

Chapter 3:

Bad news, huh? Bad news for me or for you, Kazama? >:(

*Winces in anticipation of more dead Shinsengumi members*

RIP Kondou. You were too wholesome for this cruel world :'(

Welp, looks like I'm chasing my beloved ho's across the country :D

Oh, Kazama thinks that I'm joking about trying to reunite with my long lost friends. You don't KNOOOW me!

"Harada, who was ripped to shreds at Ueno. No one's patting him on the back for dying like a wounded animal." LET ME AT THIS EVIL CUNT!!! HOW DARE HE!!! I JUST WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS AGAIN!!!! DO YOU NOT POSSESS AN OUNCE OF RESPECT, OR TACT, AT THE VERY LEAST!?!!?

"All they'll ever be is a footnote in the annals of history. Their legacy is being spat on." "Kazama made a lot of sense." BITCH WHERE!!!????!

"I knew women were whimsied by delusion, but you are sitting at the top of the pile." -_- Are all demons this sexist?! I don't think I want to hang out with other demons anymore.

"You should go after him." Amagiri, why?! -_- I don't wanna! Let him stew in his own miserable juices.

He looks like a disgruntled cat.

OH, BITCH EXPECTED ME TO FOLLOW HIM. I should never have listened to Amagiri. He has no eyebrows.

We're in my burned out village, aren't we? :'(

OMG KAORU'S DEAD BODY IS RIGHT THERE O_O

"Why are you crying?" REALLY?!???!

This is v sad :'(

OH CAN YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HOW THE HUMANS ARE TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING FOR FIVE MINUTES WHILE WE BURY MY BROTHER, WHOM YOU LITERALLY MURDERED. IF YOUR SO POWERFUL, WHY CAN YOU ONLY KILL?! YOU ONLY SAVED ME FOR YOUR OWN DISGUSTING PURPOSES. IF YOU TRULY SAW KAORU'S POTENTIAL TO BE A FINE LEADER, WHY WERE YOU SO QUICK TO KILL HIM?!? HUH!??! D'X

"He died just as he lived--alone" :'(

Kodo absolutely needed a good killing but I believe that Kaoru was redeemable. :'(

WHY ARE YOU ASKING HIS PERMISSION TO REMEMBER YOUR FAMILY THE WAY YOU CHOOSE!?!

"It was never my intention to reveal the history of the Yukimura clan to you." BITCH, WHO ARE YOU TO DENY ME THE HISTORY OF MY OWN CLAN?! >:(

"Impatience is unbecoming" Oh no, heaven forbid you lose interest in me! Not that that would ever happen to this thirsty whore.

"Obedience is a good look on you. You are well on your way to becoming the ideal life." LISTEN HERE YOU SMUG PRICK!!!!!! I WILL DIE BEFORE I EVEN CONSIDER THAT REVOLTING POSSIBILITY!!!!

Here we go, time for an orgy of sadness, courtesy of Amagiri! :(

"Okita has passed away from illness." Not surprising but very, very sad :'( Poor Okita, slowly wasting away while his world falls apart around him </3

Saito's MIA, which doesn't look good but, historically, he was fine so I can handle that, I guess O_O If he is confirmed dead later, imma be real mad. AND SAD. D'X

Nagakura is also MIA?! Big sad </3 I bet that Kazama is secretly loving this >:(

HEISUKE AND SANAN ARE FULLY DEAD!!?? D'X NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO This is too much sad. FFS, KAZAMA, YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME SEE MY FRIENDS BEFORE THEY WERE ALL KILLED, YOU HEARTLESS WENCH! WAS YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG TO JUST WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE I CARED ABOUT WAD DEAD SO THAT I'D HAVE TO CLING TO YOU!?

"What about the others?" WHAT OTHERS?! Hijikata, Souma, Nomura? Is that it?! My family is DEAD, my friends are DEAD. Kazama doesn't see that as a problem because my fertile body is still intact but MY HEART IS BROKEN D"X

"That little dog's still got some bite, eh?" SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP.

"Everyone's still putting up a fight, huh" Well, not everyone. Most people are dead but, uh, good on you for seeing this as a glass half full...

Ugh, why does Kazama have to come with me to Ezo?

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME STRIKES AGAIN.

Aaaawwweee Shiranui brought me Harada's spear D'X

Shiranui is so much better and kinder than Kazama :'(

HOW CAN KAZAMA GO THROUGH LIFE BEING SUCH A CUNT AND SCOFFING AT EVERYONE'S SINCERE BELIEFS. No wonder even his allies hate him.

Shiranui, stop with the kind, heartfelt words! You're making me cry D'X

"Shiranui was nowhere near as bad as Kazama" Truth.

"Isn't this just another worm you've let crawl into your insipid heart?" Wow, this route is actually making me like Kazama LESS.

Sendai is pretty.

WE MISSED THEM AGAIN?!!? NOW I'M STUCK ALONE WITH THIS ASSHOLE AGAIN!?!?

Wow, this CG is telling. Chizuru crying against Kazama's turned back.

Chapter 4:

Well, at least I get to stay in a mansion while I cry over my dead friends and family.

Omg, I'm basically Kazama's housewife X_X

Kazama's in a bad mood, huh? Did Hijikata die before Kazama could fulfill his promise to me? Useless man.

OMG, HE REALLY HAS MADE ME HIS WENCH!!! NO!!! DON'T FETCH HIM THE SAKE!!!!

"Fetch me a bottle at once." "I'm only going to grab you one, okay...? Drinking too much isn't good for your health." I'M DEFINITELY HIS WIFE!!! HELP!!!! HIW CAN I WAKE FROM THIS NIGHTMARE??!!

"Sake is more of a medicine than a poison, and as you've noticed, I'm ill. Make it three bottles." Aaaand my husband's an alcoholic X_X

"Hey, don't take your frustrations out on me. Also, it's only a 'medicine' when you drink in moderation--not when you're piss drunk." Yaass Chizuru! You tell that edgy thot!

"Humility is a more attractive colour on you. From now on, feel free to humble yourself by complimenting me however much you deem fit." That would be never. I cannot with This Bitch. Eat shit and die, Kazama.

Okay, now things are really sad. Still chasing my friends as they fight against all the odds D'X

Aaaaaah, the tension is killing me! This is going to be horrible D'X

SHIMADA AND SOUMA ARE ALIVE!!!

"I'm going to kill each and every one of you impotent bastards until there's none left. See you in Hell!" :') I've missed Hijikata!

WHY AM I CHASTISING SOUMA FOR STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF AGAINST KAZAMA!?

Oh great, now we're hunting for Hijikata's corpse. SADNESS INTENSIFIES.

"What about you, girl...?" First of all, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Secondly, the way he addressed me reminds me of my brother XD

ER MAH GERD!!! HE IZ KISSING MEH!!! O_O

"Although I'd wanted to scream, I couldn't." O_e Tha fuck?!?

WITH TONGUE!!!

Final Chapter:

Please let me not be married to Kazama X_X

"I was alone" Good start.

"This incessant urge to clean" Can't relate.

"Sadly, my father passed away." XD

Yaaaas become a doctor! You don't need no man!

However, tell me more about this cute medicine clerk ;)

Speak of the demon X_X

When you get sick of kindly old ladies telling you to find a man so you settle for some dickhead edgelord X_X

"He was his usual, callous self." Husband material X_X

Wait, I've been all alone all this time?! What about Sen?!? Why can I not have friends? :'(

"I've come to claim you." BITCH, I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT (BUT VERY SAD AND LONELY) WOMAN!

"I will tolerate no resistance" O_O

"Kazama might have been a pain, but he was my pain" Uh, okay XD

So, I guess I do marry Kazama purely because he's the only person left alive who knows what I went through X_X . At least Chizuru developed... Not a backbone but... Almost a backbone. Maybe X_X I'm sure that Chizuru will make a lovely stepford wife but that make me kind of sad -_-

#hakuoki #hakuouki #kazama chikage #edo blossoms #i need to sleep #accidental wife #i still hate him #so many words #watch me cry over anime men

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toxic-lucky · 4 years

Note

All for Orion's pilf (Taylen)

1. If your oc was to host a TV show, what would it be about? Would your oc be good at it? What sorts of guests would appear?

They’d probably host one of those fashion/makeup challenge shows, and they’d be pretty damn good at it.

2. Can your oc play any instruments? Have they ever wanted to learn how to play any? Why?

Piano, flute, and guitar. Piano and flute because their mom wanted them to (something about tradition and discipline), and guitar because they wanted to learn personally.

3. If you were to choose another name for your oc, what do you think it would be? Did you choose it for how it sounds or for its meaning?

Taylor. Unisex and starts with a T, I chose it for how it sounds.

4. How does your oc fare in the dark? Are they scared? Do they trip over things really easily or navigate like they have night vision? (Or do they have night vision?)

They fare excellently, and aren’t all that scared if it suddenly gets dark. They have night vision.

5. How well would your oc fare as a teacher? What subject would they be best at teaching? What about the worst?

Already done.

6. What was your oc’s relationship with their parents like? If they didn’t have any parents/didn’t know them, who in their life was the closest to a parent to them?

They’re closest with their mom, and it’s a good relationship. They can practically tell her anything without feeling awkward or horrible.

7. Does your oc have any allergies, intolerances, or other sensitivities? How dangerous is it? Does this affect their daily life in any way?

Already done

8. Does your oc prefer being in a crowd or being completely alone? How many people can be around them before they get uncomfortable?

They prefer to be in crowds purely for the fact that they’d be harder to spot in them. They get uncomfortable as soon as a group gets more than 4 others.

9. How easily does your oc make friends? Do they have difficulty talking to new people? Why?

They have difficulty making friends, but no problem making acquaintances and meeting new people. It’s all about trust.

10. How open is your oc to trying new things? Are they the adventurous sort, or would they rather stay in their comfort zone? Why?

They’re okay with trying new things but they’ll hate it, they prefer to stay in their comfort zone since it’s familiar and predictable.

11. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to your oc? Do they still feel ashamed for it? Were there any witnesses?

It’s something they witnessed. Some dude proposed to some lady in public in an attempt to guilt her into marrying him. That was the embarrassing part. His whole speech was disgusting and filled with cheap manipulation tactics. She cut him off half-way through by taking the box and throwing it in his face. They cheered for her, and it doesn’t feel as embarrassing anymore in memory.

12. Does your oc have any best friends? Who was/is their closest friend? What about their worst enemy?

Fred is their best friend. They don’t have a “worst” enemy, but they have plenty.

13. How dangerous is your oc? Are they completely innocent, or someone to be feared? Do others know?

They’re pretty dangerous when things escalate, but they have a reputation as a villain for being a good thief and an even better assassin. Also reasonably priced.

14. What is your oc’s vision like? Do they require glasses, are they completely blind, or do they have 20/20 vision? Does this have an effect on their life?

They have goat pupils like most werewolves, meaning that they see landscape and it doesn’t change all that often. This means they have a wider field of vision than typical humans (320 compared to a human 120). They are colourblind though, monochromacy.

15. What is your oc’s favourite time of day? Why is this? Do they have a daily practice during this time?

Night. It’s when they “work” and can see relatively the best.

16. How often does your oc lie? Why is that? What was the biggest lie they’ve ever told?

Already done

17. How well can your oc keep secrets? Is there a difference between how they handle their own vs someone else’s? To what lengths would they go to keep something hidden?

They keep secrets relatively well, but of course money can buy almost anything when it comes to their information. The only person’s secrets they’ll keep no matter what are family and Fred.

18. How does your oc fare in an emergency situation? Do they panic, do they freeze, do they take charge?

They tend to freeze until something snaps them out of it.

19. If your oc were to be arrested for something, what would it be for? For being too kind, for a legitimate crime?

Stealing, breaking and entering, trespassing, destruction of public property, so on.

20. What is your oc’s personal hygiene like? Is it important to them? What is their daily routine for this like?

It’s important to them and pretty good. They spend a lot of time on hair.

21. Are there any public events your oc would love to go to? Concerts, plays, movies, parties, etc? What about ones that they would hate? Why?

Parties typically they like to attend, even if it’s just to watch people from the side of the room. They’d hate concerts due to how loud it gets and how flashy the lights can and will get.

22. How quiet or loud is your oc? Are they easily capable of sneaking around without being heard, or do they feel it’s impossible to stop talking?

They’re soft-spoken with a slight stutter.

23. How difficult is it for your oc to get to sleep? Do they fall asleep the moment they hit the pillow, or do they have insomnia? Any reason why?

They find it pretty easy to sleep, but that might be because they’re exhausted around 85% of the time.

24. How dramatic is your oc? Do they make a big deal over every little thing, or do they fail to react to even the most crazy of events?

They’re not all that dramatic, but they make a big deal out of little things occasionally.

25. How does your oc handle being sick? Do they pretend not to be? Do they complain a lot? How susceptible to getting sick are they?

They slug back some medication and suck it up. They aren’t all that prone to sicknesses besides seasonal allergies.

26. How stylistically fancy is your oc? Or would they rather go for comfort and plainness instead?

They would live and die for the aesthetic.

27. What’s your oc’s preferred mode of transportation? Walking, vehicle, (or in a sci-fi/magic setting) teleportation?

Walking/Running.

28. Is your oc always late, always early, or always right on time? Is there any reason for this?

Typically late because they forgot what time it is.

29. How empathetic is your oc? Or are they closer to being a sociopath? Any reason why?

They’re rather sympathetic, like an 7/10 with 10 being will cry for you even if you aren’t crying bc “oh that’s horrible”.

30. How much does your oc swear? Or do they keep completely clean? Why is this? Is there any situation where they would be the opposite?

They swear so much, they accidentally taught Vivianna a few. There is no situation where it would be the opposite.

31. What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

They find other people being idiots funny. They don’t try.

32. Is your oc a pacifist, or someone who picks fights? Why? In what situations would they be the opposite?

If they can get out of a situation without getting into conflict, they will. They see it as pointless. They’d be the opposite if someone hurt someone close to them though.

33. How does your oc’s own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if it’s different)?

It differentiates dramatically person from person. Personally, Taylen sees themselves as too much, a liability, and a disgrace to the family name (a family of well-known supervillains, and they’re a little thief with barely a name out there).

34. How easily does your oc throw something away? As soon as something is through with its usefulness, or are they more like a hoarder? Is there a reason?

Pretty damn easily, or they just re-gift it.

35. Is your oc a workaholic, or do they find it hard to be busy at all? Do they find it easy to relax, or must they have something to do at all times? Why?

They’re a workaholic, mainly because they need something to do and they get restless and anxious just sitting around.

36. What is your oc’s ideal night out like? Or would they rather spend it at home?

Spend it home curled up in a bunch of blankets listening to Fred ramble about his latest robot, or plan, or interaction with a hero/villain, preferably with popcorn.

37. How picky is your oc? Will they not accept something because of the smallest details being off, or do they not care in the slightest? Why?

They’re pretty picky, but that’s what re-gifting is for. They’ll accept it with a smile though.

38. How energetic is your oc? Do they have trouble sitting still or do they feel low on juice all the time? Any reason why?

They’re not all that energetic, blame it on being exhausted.

39. Is it difficult for your oc to focus, or do they have no trouble being in the moment? Do they daydream or zone out?

They have a difficult time focusing in a busy environment, but otherwise they’re okay with being in the moment.

40. How humble is your oc? Or are they closer to royal in their self-perception? Why? Is this obvious to others?

They’re rather humble. It’s kinda obvious once you talk to them for a bit.

#anon #asks #ask meme #taylen

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solcomfortssouls · 5 years

Text

Avengers Endgame review

This movie suffered a bit from the sheer amount of content that made it all a bit hrr and chaotic, but everything I was looking forward to was there and some more, so I'm actually pretty satisfied.

Firstly, this movie was very Iron man centric and as a big Tony Stark fan I loved every part of it. Tony's conflict in this movie was about choosing between the happiness of his family and his own time with them and the greater good of the whole universe and for me it overshadowed everyone else.

Tony having a family and a daughter for 5 happy years. Oh god, that was so sweet and deserved. A nice house by the lake, and a cute little girl that Tony treats so lovingly while staying in character. Also his relationship with Pepper is amazing here - he told her immediately what he was thinking about doing, and she knew and loved him enough to understand he wouldn't be able to give it a rest. He wouldn't be able to let go of the chance, possible only because of his brilliant mind. She knew she married a genius with obsessive compulsion to fix the world. Tony wouldn't be able to live with himself, if he didn't. But it was hilarious and heartbreaking seeing him so mad when he realized he figured it out.

Morgan. I wonder what role she will play. I would love it if she did have some in the future. Even more if she did come up in connection with Peter somehow though that's unlikely. But every scene with her and Tony was perfection personalized.

Tony and Cap reconciling. Really all their scenes were excellent. Cap helping Tony out of the jet, Tony saying he couldn't stop Thanos, Tony saying he lost the kid in that broken tone... Then Tony getting angry because he was right to be afraid so much ahead of time and then blaming Cap and passing out...That was powerful. Not that I think he was completly right to blame Cap, and it was cruel to say that to him. But it was so in character for Tony and I felt deeply for them and their suffering in that scene.

But then Tony and Cap making amends was very satisfying. Cap still came to Tony with the time travel idea and accepted when Tony rejected him out of the concern for his family. But I think Cap knew that Tony wouldn't give it a rest, that by giving him the thought he would definitely obsess over it until he figured it out. And despite Tony having the most to lose out of all of them, he hated he couldn't save Peter. That was a loss heavily hanging on him and tipping him over the edge in his decision.

Then all the scenes showing Tony and Cap trusting each other was just plain joy. It almost makes up for the fact that Cap wasn't there in Tony's last moments. But I guess there were only so many characters that could be by his side when he was dying and the people chosen - Rhody, Peter and Pepper - were definitely Tony's most treasured people that brought him peace.

Peter coming back and Tony immediatly hugging him. Oh Peter. Also Peter running with the gauntlet and being helped by all the other heroes. Really a parent team for him.

Peter crying by Tony's side. Like that heartbroken sobbing and how he tried talking to him, waking him. Oh kid. I'm interested to see how much this will impact Peter in future movies.

Tony's death scene. I loved how Pepper didn't have a freak out but instead calmly reassured him that they would make it, that they would be okay in the world he saved for them. She was aware what was Tony staking and she truly understood who he was, accepted and loved him for it. What a beautiful love. Tony fought and struggled and obsessed and cared and suffered enough. He has done enough. He can rest now. It doesn't seem fair to me he died when he finally achieved genuine happiness - with a family and Peter back. But that's the thing with tragic and untimely death, with sacrifaces for something bigger, with battles of this scale and the loss it accompanies. And it really brings home what's at risk when someone precious is actually lost.

From narrative standpoint it makes sense because Tony wouldn't be able just stay out of the way after giving up the mantle to other heroes. There is no way he would be able to live in peace when others were in trouble. To keep him true to himself and to keep him out, they had to kill him.

It's a bit different with Cap's ending. He already lived and fought in two wars, helped more then anyone could have hoped or expected him to. So Cap took Tony's advice and example by finally making a real life for himself. I think he deserved it after all he has done for earth. Plus I have seen people saying that it went against his development of moving on from his past, but if you look closer Cap's arc was never about moving on. It's something he encouraged in others but didn't know how to do for himself. Besides Avengers were special by not letting things go and attempting the impossible. Cap was stuck in the wrong century, forced to live a different life, far from his home. I don't blame him for using the chance to have it all back when he could. Besides the world doesn't need him anymore. There is enough of superheroes that the responsibility can fall off his shoulders. It was okay for him to let go and he was able to in contrast to Tony who wouldn't be able to do so, had he survived.

It's a bit confusing with the time travel, but technically if changing something in the past leads to the same future anyway, then they used time travel without erasing everything that happens in the previous movies. Cap still returned from the ice and fought with the Avengers and met old Peggy but also had a life with her. The rules are not that clear, but I understand what they were trying to do here.

The costs of victory in this film were real and painful. Gamora forgetting her bonding with the Guardians and what person it made her into. Vision not coming back. Natasha. Cap choosing to have a life instead of saving the world over and over. And God, Tony. His whole arc came to an incredible conclusion. He had a family and a lovely relationship with his daughter. And I felt his internal conflict the most. It was a lot different for him then for the others because he didn't lose everything. He had to actually decide between having a happy life with his family or dying to save the universe. Between his own self-interest and his family or the chance of bringing everyone else's family back. (Nice little callback to what his father was worried about too. And I'm happy he got closure from the prove his father did love him).

His funeral hurt. It was so emotional to see all the characters, even the Guardians honouring his death.

The way he saved everyone - not just earth but the whole universe by what he did was epic and I pretty much coudn't breathe. When Strange held up that one finger and realization fleshed in Tony's eyes that this was the only way. Oh Tony.

To me Clint's arc of going dark after the loss of his family came off as a bit cliche and his willingness to die for Nat when he had a family to live for as unrealistic - was it to show his guilt about his actions as Ronin or his closeness to Nat or his heroic character? But I'm not much of a fan of either Clint or Nat so no surprise this wasn't emotionally moving for me. Admittedly Clint's acting was believable in the heartbreaking scenes, and he really shined while protecting the gauntlet. I was kinda proud Earth had a pretty capable protector for the infinity stones themselves in the shape of one Clint Barton.

Scott turned out important but many of his dialogue and comments were just for fun and came off to me as a bit improper. I didn't really care about him at all. But I have never been much of a fan of his.

The whole combination of Hulk-Bruce, Scott's goofiness and chubby drunk Thor that couldn't focus felt a bit jarring. It was too ridiculous to be taken seriously. Rocket I could still take. Not all of them combined.

Hulk-Bruce just felt so...out of nowhere? I was intrigued by Bruce's conflict with Hulk in Infinity War and how they were going to solve it. But this? Bruce's arc was always about accepting Hulk as part of himself instead for as his enemy. This flash-forward resolving all this off screen felt cheap and I couldn't take Hulk-Bruce seriously as result.

Thor. Hmm. I didn't care much about him before Ragnarok, but he really charmed me there. So it was interesting seeing this broken side of him. It was realistic to his character since Thor is a fighter and a man of action and not killing Thanos when he had the chance really was kinda his fault. Where was he aiming? I understand he blamed himself for this the most and that even after killing Thanos nothing was solved and even worse for Thor there was no one to fight. Nothing to do but face the emptiness of his failure. Without a pressing goal or enemy Thor neglected himself and I found it believable. As much as I missed the handsome strong Thor. But he was mentally broken and him going with the Guardians means his story is not over. He didn't have all that much to offer in the last battle - the spotlight was on Cap and Tony since this was the ending to their arcs and journeys, the peak of all their development, them reaching their full potential (Steve wielding Mjolnir, Thor and Tony's tech combined, Pep in Iron suit).That's why Thor is allowed to make heavy mistakes here.

Let's not forget all the interactions of the original Avenegers plus Nebula and Rocket as a whole. Tony, Steve and Nat putting the puzzle pieces together for the time travel heist, Nebula and her revelations and the others feeling for her, (plus how Rhodey sympathised with her), Steve and Nat scenes and Nat and Clint scenes. They really tried to do their bond justice with these and in the mourning of Nat in the later half.

Nebula proved pretty interesting this movie. There was a lot of emotional results to what have been done to her and I actually quite enjoyed the focus on her and her reunion with Gamora.

The last battle was grand, with so many characters coming to defend the Earth. It felt so well deserved after Tony, Steve and Thor fought tooth and nail with Thanos to bring everyone back, that all the saved came to back them up. I loved Cap's "Reassemble" - that was incredibly well played.

I would critise the shifts between the individual plot lines were sometimes too jarring. It was chaotic, coming from one impactful scene only to get hit with another, with little to no breathing room or time to savour the atmosphere in-between. I guess that was hard to avoid with the amount and concentration of plot and characters. Infinity War succeeded in balancing emotion, action and humour, but Endgame felt like a mess of heavy scenes mixed with a lot of out of place humour.

All in all it was a bit messier but rewarding, deeply thought-out with some characters and a bit rushed with others. I have definitely found new favourite scenes and can't wait to see Endgame again.

#avengers endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #avengers endgame review #iron man #tony stark #steve rogers #capitan america #peter parker #thor #avengers movie #marvel #mcu #endgame spoilers #spiderman #thanos #pappertony #irondad and spiderson #iron dad

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timebird84 · 5 years

Text

🎄 PotO Advent Calendar ‘18🎄

By @ramblingsofachristiannerd

"Then they opened their treasures and presented gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh…”

Gold, for worship and adoration…

“Erik, what is this?” Christine murmured, turning the small gold band over in her fingers in a kind of detached dread and fascination.

His misshapen mouth curved into a tentative smile, a feeble, caged hope finally released from decades of doubt. Christine withered slightly with the certainty that it would soon be dashed.

“It’s a ring, dear child,” he replied softly. She marveled, not for the first time, at how the same mouth could utter such gentle affection and the bitterest of curses.

“May I perhaps ask instead…what is it for?”

They were very near the surface now, but the gloom was still thick enough to reveal Erik’s shining eyes; the same shade as the ring, Christine noted. His bony fingers brushed the delicate object in her grasp, but their skin did not touch.

“It’s a present. A promise, if you may.” Now his skeletal grip closed, raising her hand slightly as if he intended to bring it to his cold, dead lips, but at the last moment he hesitated and released her, folding his hands behind his back once more. He seemed to stiffen, to harden, straightening to his full, rigid height. “I give you back your liberty, Christine, on condition that this ring is always on your finger. As long as you keep it, you will be protected against all danger and Erik will remain your friend. But – woe to you if you ever part with it, for Erik will have his revenge!”

Christine flinched as his melodic voice climbed in volume, culminating in a roar that was both terribly afraid and desperately angry. As he turned from her, seeming to crumple in on himself as if all his spirit had fled, she ran – up the flight of stairs, further into the light. In that moment, she cared not a whit for her former intent to return; he was too horrible, and she could no longer stand to lie to him.

At the top of the staircase, her dressing room in clear view, a sound drifted to her from below over her gasps for air – a choked, tremulous sob, full of inward-pointing knives she was certain she was not supposed to hear. She hesitated, and silently slipped the gold ring onto her finger.

Frankincense, for blessing and anointment…

His lips were cold, but softer than she expected, brushing the fresh bruise on her forehead with the utmost care.

In her numb thoughts, Christine could not help but wonder how often this gentle, considerate man would surface, and how often he would be swallowed up by the monster. Still, she could not regret her decision; Raoul and the Persian man and everyone above were safe, and despite everything, she believed Erik’s word. She was the only remaining one who could possibly suffer his wrath.

Or so she thought.

All at once, it was though someone had mortally wounded him. Collapsing at her feet, clutching at her dress, his skeletal frame shook with the force of his sobs. His tears, filled with equal parts joy and remorse, shattered whatever thin shell somehow still remained between herself and utter exhaustion, and she felt her own tears prickling.

My husband, she realized, the full force of her desperate declaration crashing down. My husband.

She knelt and wrapped his thin body in her arms, unable to keep her tears from trickling onto his mask. She wept for beloved Raoul, whom she would never see again, and for poor unhappy Erik, who had finally received what he wanted and was still utterly miserable.

She realized she had been whispering her thoughts to him, and hoped she had not offended him, but he choked and whipped off his mask, bony hands trembling as they instinctively moved towards his horrible face. Fearing he was about to harm himself again, she reached out and took his hands in hers. He shuddered, seemingly shocked.

“Christine-“

“It’s alright,” she soothed. “I’m not afraid.”

His fingers twitched in hers, and she released him; he fumbled in his waistcoat, producing, to her astonishment, the gold ring.

“What-“

“Take it,” he sobbed, pressing it into her hands. “Take it, for you and for him…it shall be your wedding present, from your poor Erik…I know you love the boy; don’t cry anymore!”

She froze, not even wiping her eyes. “What…what do you mean?”

“Go,” he said hoarsely. “Marry your vicomte. A living bride should have a living husband.”

“You’re…letting me go?”

“Dear child,” he whispered. “Sweet, kind woman. You were never mine to chain…or free.”

She pocketed the ring and held him a little closer, a strange, disbelieving reluctance rising within her – everything was happening too fast. “Erik,” she said thickly, “will you be alright?”

He rose on unsteady legs and helped her up. “Oh, Christine. Do not worry for your Erik. I have tasted heaven’s tears.” His touch was not quite as icy as before, his hands delicately folding over hers. “I will release your vicomte. If an angel can receive a blessing from an old devil…receive mine.”

Myrrh, for burial and preservation…

He was still alive.

She hadn’t expected him to be, hadn’t planned for it, but hurried to him before she even had time to think.

He was exactly where he said he would be, in his coffin by the well, slow, shallow breaths the only indicator he was still living. “Erik?” she whispered, fearing he was too far gone to hear her. His bony hand was freezing between hers. “Erik darling, it’s me.”

“Christine…” he murmured, his once-beautiful voice rough with disuse. “Sweet Christine, you are early…or I am dreaming…”

“It’s me,” she said again, kissing his icy fingers. “I’m here.”

The slitted golden eyes still shone with adoration. He tried to speak, and coughed, spattering his thin lips with red, and she squeezed his hand a little tighter. “I’m sorry,” she choked through the lump in her throat. “I never wanted this…”

“You…are not to blame…” he rasped. His gaze flicked to the delicate, diamond-studded ring on her finger, curiosity overshadowing the flash of disappointment. “You’re married,” he said softly.

The lingering joy bled through her voice as she smiled faintly. “Yes. For two weeks now.”

“Tell me more…”

“Most of Raoul’s associates frowned upon it, but he didn’t care. It was a small ceremony, but very beautiful.”

“And you are…happy?”

She rubbed her thumb over his cold knuckles, trying to warm them. “I am very happy.”

He nodded slightly, eyes closing briefly. “That is good. But you are happy…you are free…why did you come back?”

“Because I promised,” she said tenderly. “Because I love you.”

It did not matter so much anymore, which kind of love.

She gently disentangled her hand from his, reaching behind her to unclasp the fine chain hidden by her hair. The plain gold ring dangled from it. “I kept my promise. I never took it off.”

“Christine-“ he coughed. “I’m sorry-“

“I forgive you,” she soothed. “I have long since forgiven you.” She hesitated, then reached for his mask.

Even now, barely able to move, he weakly caught her hand. “You shouldn’t – you shouldn’t have to watch me die, Christine,” he said brokenly. “Not after your father.”

“That’s my choice,” she said quietly. “And I choose to stay.”

His resistance fell.

Christine wordlessly slipped off the mask, taking in the sunken eyes and hollow cheeks. She recalled the blessed Christ, healing the lepers with His touch, and prayed for that same power to take away Erik’s pain. Then, with no hesitation, she leaned down and kissed him, softly, chastely, on the pale forehead. She lingered for just a moment, and pulled back to see the remains of his last smile.

#PotO Advent Calendar #PotO #phantom of the opera #thank you for your contribution #ramblingsofachristiannerd #poto advent calendar 2018 #timebird84 #fifth door #fifth window #phanfiction

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winmance · 5 years

Text

Trust in me

Chapter 22 - Hold me, Thrill me, ...

Jensen woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating next to him, a look of annoyance crossing his face as he tried to shut it off for the second time.

"What?" Jensen grunts not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Am I waking you up, sleeping beauty?”

“Jeff?” Jensen whispers, finally opening his eyes “No, I was just-“

His eyes caught sight of Jared next to him, laying half on him, half on the bed. They’ve been here for two and half weeks already, and he stopped counting how many time he woke with Jared next to him.

The first time, Jared blamed it on the coldness of the room, and Jensen could only agree with him.

The second time, he blamed it on a nightmare, and Jensen wasn’t totally sure it wasn’t the truth.

The third time, it was too much light coming from the windows, and after that, he simply stopped finding excuses. Just slipping into Jensen’s bed whenever he felt like it.

Jensen usually wakes up when Jared comes in, but right now, he has no idea why Jared is in his bed, or when he joined him, but he looks too peaceful for him to kick him out.

“I was already up” He lies “Any news?”

“We’ve got him under surveillance. I can’t tell you much, because we still don’t have any hard evidence, but if everything goes as planned, we should get our search warrant in less than a week”

“Fuck” Jensen whispers with a sigh “That’s fucking great, Jeff”

“Yeah. But nothing is a done deal so keep it locked down for now. How’s the kid doing?”

“He’s good. Really good” Jensen says, staring at Jared as he turns over throwing his legs over Jensen “But he’ll be better once the asshole is behind bars”

“I bet”

“How’s the team?”

“They’re wondering why you left. Trevor has been asking a lot of questions”

“He has?”

“Yeah. They think you had some kind of meltdown I think” Jeff says “Hope that’s not the case”

“No, I’m good. This whole vacation's actually been pretty good”

“Glad to hear that, boy. You’re sure the place is safe?”

“Yeah. But we’ll be moving in a few days. Don’t want to stay in the same place for more than a few weeks”

“Good idea. Listen, I need to get back to work, but I’ll call you as soon as I’ve got something. Take care of your boy, alright?”

“Thanks Jeff, take care of yourself”

He hangs up, dropping the phone back on the nightstand behind him trying not to wake Jared up.

It’s still quiet in the house, the kids still recovering from their night out, while their parents are trying to get what sleep they can.

He’s almost sure his mom and Danneel are already up, since both insisted on staying home after Jensen told them that Jared and him wouldn’t be joining the rest of the family, choosing instead to go to see a movie together. When they got home at eleven, both women had already gone to bed.

“I want to stay in bed forever” Jared mumbles against his chest “This is the best bed ever”

“Yeah, so that's why you started drooling in your sleep huh?”

“I do not!” Jared defends himself with a laugh

He rolls away from Jensen, stretching his long body as much as the single bed allows him too. Jensen tries not to stare too much, but it’s hard when he can see the soft skin of Jared’s stomach, appear every time he moves.

“If we’re going to sleep in the same bed, we may as well do it in the big one” He says, closing his eyes again. “You sweat too much at night”

“Says the man who snores”

“Doesn’t look like it’s bothering you too much” Jensen laughs, throwing his arms around Jared and pulling him close until he can hide his face in his hair “Swear I never saw someone sleep for ten hours before”

“Probably because they never stayed with you that long.”

“You son of a-“ Jensen says, sliding his fingers under Jared’s shirt as he starts to tickle him

“No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I promise!” Jared pleads, a smile already spreading over face.

Jensen doesn’t acknowledge his pleas, and soon enough, Jared is a laughing mess, moving every way possible as he tries to get away from Jensen's nimble fingers.

It’s childish. There isn’t any other word for it. He’s a 35 year old man sleeping until nine waking up and tickling the teenager lying next to him. He should feel ashamed. A part of him does, his mind screaming at him that he’s exactly like his dad. But another part of him is having the time of his life, and he’s not ready to stop.

It’s like waking up from a dream that's lasted years. He can’t remember a time when he was this happy, this free, and maybe he’s allowing himself to do things that aren’t age appropriate, but he doesn’t give two fucks about it.

“Uncle! Uncle!” Jared yells breathless from laughing, his legs moving to encircle Jensen’s waist

Jensen doesn’t have any choice but to stop. He's laughing too hard to keep going. He’s on top of Jared, his body pinning him down and they’re laughing and smiling so much, that when he meets Jared’s shinning eyes, he’s overcome with happiness and joy. He doesn’t think twice before gently kissing him on the lips, realizing too late what he's just done.

He doesn’t know who’s more shocked Jared or him, but neither of them seems able to move after that.

“Fuck, I’m-“

“Jensen, you, Oh!” Danneel says as she opens the door without knocking.

“Hey, we were just…messing around” Jensen says, getting up from the bed. Danneel’s face is burning with. What? Anger? Jealousy maybe? Jensen isn’t sure and he doesn’t really care. All he wants is for her to leave so he can apologize to Jared. “You wanted something?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to come for a walk with me, but I guess you’re busy.”

“I… “ He should go with her. Beg her not to say anything of what she's seen to his mom, but he knows what he says next will directly impact Jared. “Yeah, I’m busy. Maybe another time?”

“Sure” She says, a little taken aback by his answer. “I'll see you at breakfast, whenever you’re done… doing whatever it is you’re doing”

“We’ll be there” He says with a smile, even through she doesn’t return it.

She closes the door, and for the first time ever, Jensen wishes she would have stayed. Dealing with her would have been easier than dealing with his own mess.

“I’m sorry. For what I did. It’s-“

“It was a kiss, Jen. You didn’t ask me to marry you or anything” Jared laughs, sliding out of bed “It’s fine, I promise”

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable”

“You’re gonna need to do more than that to make me feel uncomfortable” He winks, walking to the bathroom “But I’m calling first for the shower”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead” Jensen says, stepping out of the way.

He waits until he can hear the sounds of the water before letting himself fall back on the bed. His head is spinning with everything that just happened, with the lack of reaction from Jared and his own unclear feelings.

He'd spent his whole life hating his father. Wishing, begging, that one day, he would wake up and someone would tell him that there had been a mistake, that his dad wasn’t his real dad.

How easy would that have been? He wouldn’t be tied to him anymore. He wouldn’t have had to look at his own reflection in the mirror with so much hate, because even the slightest resemblance made him sick.

He wouldn’t have had to separate himself from everyone. To destroy any relationship before it even began, for fear of hurting someone.

He wouldn’t have had chose to disappear and live in his car after what happened with Justin. He would have stayed with his family, a different family, who would have loved him and supported him through the traumatic event.

Maybe, just maybe, he would have enjoyed the feeling of happiness he had when his lips met Jared’s. He would have closed his eyes and kissed him more, because Jared’s lips were as soft and delicious, as he’d been dreaming they would be for too long now.

Maybe he would have been able not to hate himself for loving Jared. To say fuck it, that an almost twenty year age difference isn’t that much. That they both deserve to be happy, and they get each other, better than anyone else.

But no one ever came.

“Do my shorts say ‘I’m a whore’ or just ‘I’m a twink’?” Jared asks, standing in front of Jensen with nothing but his shorts on

“They say ‘It’s fucking winter but I want to get pneumonia and die’”

Jared rolled his eyes, giving him the middle finger in the process, before walking towards the dresser.

“Where did this come from?” Jared asked, holding a cherry red zipper hoodie in his hands.

Crap, Jensen forgot about that.

“I bought it, last time we went shopping. It’s, uh, I don’t know, I thought you might like it” He scratches his head, too uncomfortable to even look at Jared.

It was a great idea, and he’s sure Jared loves that hoodie, but given the fact that he kissed him twenty minutes ago, now isn’t exactly the perfect time to give it to him.

“I fucking love it!” Jared says enthusiastically “It’s the best hoodie ever!”

He doesn’t wait before pulling it on, and fuck, it does look good on him, not that Jensen even doubted it would. The white “BABY DOLL” lettering contrasts perfectly with the red of the hoodie, and with his shorts on, it only makes Jared look hotter.

“I can’t believe you bought it for me” Jared says, a little too soft “Thank you”

“I bought you underwear too but I think you’re getting a little too sentimental over a hoodie, don't you think? Jensen asks with laugh, even through he’s a little embarrassed by the whole thing.

“Yeah, but I was with you when we bought the underwear. You picked this out just for me, because you knew I'd like it” Jared says, so softly that Jensen is afraid is heart is gonna pop. Overloaded with too much affection for the boy.

“Glad you like it” He replies, trying to put a stop to the conversation.

Jared, however, doesn’t seem ready to move on. He keeps his focus on the hoodie, tracing the fabric with his fingers and looking at himself in the mirror.

“You know” He says “I’m not mad. About the kiss, I mean”

“I shouldn’t have done it” He hurries to say “I . . . I’m here to protect you. Not to… do that. I just… got caught up in the moment, I guess”

“So you didn’t like it?”

“I-“ Jensen stops when he hears the sound of his mom coming upstairs, and lets go a sigh of relief. For once, he was happy for his mom to be here. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Yeah, sure” Jared says, a little disappointed

Jensen wishes he could just say fuck it and lock himself in the room with Jared until they can figure things out. He needs to apologize, big time. But he also needs to know how Jared feels after the kiss. He wants to be sure that Jared doesn’t feel used, in any way.

But right now isn’t the time.

“Come on, they’ve been waiting for us for long enough”

“Danneel probably told your mom that we were fucking” Jared laughs

“This isn’t funny!” He frowns, opening the door of the room

“Yeah, it is!”

Jared laughs harder, walking past Jensen to get ahead of him, and Jensen takes the opportunity to poke him in the ribs.

His mom sends him a hard stare, but Jensen decides to ignore it, too happy with the knowledge that he didn’t completely fuck up his relationship with Jared.

“Hey mom” He says, a little too cheerfully “We were coming down. You wanted something?”

“Yes, we’re going to the Chrismas Market. Are you guys coming with us?”

“Yeah, I promised Jared we'd go”

“Great” She says, her stare switching from Jensen to Jared “Darling, maybe you should put on something more appropriate. . .for the season I mean. It’s really cold outside”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry”

“Are you sure? We wouldn’t want you to get sick”

“I have a jacket on” He points out

“I’m not sure that will be enough”

“Well, Jensen will give me his”

“Oh sweetie, I don’t think that will happen”

“Why not?” Jared asks, frowning

“That was Justin’s jacket. He doesn’t let me touch it”

Jensen closes his eyes, his jaw clenching. If thoughts could kill, his mom would be dead right now. Like everything wasn’t complicated enough, now she adds Justin on top of everything.

“He let me wear it” Jared points out, a little offended

“He did?”

“Can we go?” Jensen asks impatiently “I need to warm up the car before we go”

“Sure” His mom says “We will talk about it later”

“Don’t have anything more to talk about” Jensen says, putting his hand on Jared’s hip to make him move “Come on, Jay, let’s go”

Jared follows him without any protest, but he can feel how edgy his body is. Great. Like they needed that.

They put their shoes on, but in a silent mutual agreement, neither of them takes a jacket. The satisfaction of making his mom angry being too strong.

The car is frozen, the windshield completely frosted over. Jensen opens the car door and lets Jared in.

“Aren’t we supposed to scrape the windshield?” Jared asks

“I don’t want to spend an hour on it” Jensen admits “Plus, we’re not in any hurry. I saw the kids throwing cereal at each other”

“Can’t you at least start the car?"

“Come on, it’s not that cold”

“Yeah, it is!” Jared says, pointing toward the windows “We can’t even see what’s outside”

“Are you saying that we should have taken our jackets and that you should have put some real pants on?”

Jared thinks about it for a moment before sliding deeper into the seat. Jensen laughs before doing the same, letting his head fall back.

It’s so quiet, so peaceful, that he could fall asleep right away. The holidays have actually been good for him. He’s been able to sleep, to eat, and to simply rest, much more than he had for years now. He looks and feels better, all that thanks to Jared.

“Was Justin your ex boyfriend?” Jared asks unexpectedly

“Told you I’m not gay nor bi”

“Yeah, but you kissed me so I figured you weren’t that sure about it”

“It, It’s different with you” Jensen says uncomfortably

“Do you… do you think I’m not a boy? Because I wear shorts and panties or some shit like that?”

“What? No!” Jensen defends himself “Stop thinking I’m that much of an asshole. I’m just a regular one”

Jared can’t stop himself from laughing, and instantly, the air in the car warms up. Like a wave of sunshine just hit it.

“So? How am I different?”

“You… I don’t know. You make me feel different. It’s not about you being a boy or a girl, it’s about you being you. It’s… shit, I don’t know Jay, it’s the way you act and how you talk. Hove how you think, too. It’s-like, I feel as if we’re connected. You make me feel more alive than I’ve been for years now. You make me see the world differently”

Jared looks at him without blinking, like he stopped breathing right on the spot. Jensen, on the other hand, can feel a ball in his stomach getting bigger and bigger by second as he realizes what he's said.

“And here I was just expecting you to say I had a cute ass or something like that” Jared says

“You . . . I . . .“ Jensen is so caught off of guard by the joke that he can’t even comprehend it at first. “I- Well, yeah, I don’t think someone needs to be gay or bi to find you attractive” He laughs, still feeling too awkward. “You know, I don’t . . .it’s not sexual. It’s just I've never bonded, with someone like that before. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. But I don’t want to lie to you. I want you to know that you can trust me"

“When you say that it’s not sexual, you mean that you don’t find me attractive?” Jared asks, moving a little closer to Jensen

“It means that I won’t do anything like I did this morning ever again”

“Because you don’t want to?”

“Because I don’t want to force it on you”

“But what if . . . what if I want it?” He says, his eyes moving from Jensen’s eyes to his lips “What if I want you to kiss me again? But for real this time?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea” Jensen admits, his throat so tight that it’s hard to swallow.

Jared is only a few inches away from him now, so close that he can almost feel his breath against his skin. He’s not sure if Jared’s testing his limits, trying to see what Jensen will or will not do, or if he really wants this.

“But you want it. And I want it” Jared says “I never . . . I never wanted someone else like that. The things you feel, I feel them, too. You make me happy, Jensen, and that hasn't happened in so long”

“I don’t want to abuse you, or to. . .“

“You’re not. Whatever it is you think you’re doing, you’re not. But if you don’t . . . If we don’t do this, I think we'll be missing out on something. I . . . I don’t know what will happen between us. If it’s gonna last forever or for one hour, but I know that I want to happen”

“I’m old” Jensen says, almost as a plea for Jared to understand

“I’m almost sixteen. It's legal in a lot of states”

“Yeah, but you’re still a kid”

“Come on Jensen, we both know that it isn’t true” Jared says, a sad smile on his face “Did I read it wrong? Do you really not want this?”

He wants this. He needs this. More than anything, more than everything. Maybe he’ll regret it later, maybe they will both end up suffering for it, but he knows that if he doesn’t do this, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.

“Whenever you want this to stop, I’ll stop. And I'll still be there to protect you, alright?”

“Yes” Jared throws himself on Jensen’s lap before Jensen can do anything.

He kisses him right away, his lips finding their way to Jensen’s his legs on either side of him. The first touch of their mouths is electric. The whole world around them stops.

Jensen knows how to kiss. He knows what it’s like, how it makes you feel. But he's never had it feel like this. It was never this intense, with any of his previous girlfriends.

Jared’s lips are soft, a perfect contrast with the way he kisses Jensen. With a devotion and hungriness that he never thought possible.

Jensen drags him closer, until their bodies molded together. His hands are moving everywhere from Jared’s hair to his legs, to his ass until he feels Jared grinding against him.

In one swift movement, Jensen rolls them over until he’s on top of Jared. Jared's legs tighten around his waist as he tries to get more friction.

“Shit” Jensen says, moving from Jared’s lips to his neck “You’re perfect”

He doesn’t know if it’s what he says or the way their dicks are moving against each other, or maybe it's the little spot he starts biting on, but either way, a loud moan escapes Jared’s lips, the sound going straight to Jensen's dick making it harden even more

“Mooom, Uncle Jensen and Jared are jumping in the car! You said we couldn’t do that!” Riley yells from outside the car

Jensen jumps away from Jared right away, trying to arrange himself correctly before his sister in law shows up.

“Fucking kids” He complains, pushing down on his dick to try to calm it.

“Yeah” Jared laughs, still short of breath

Jensen own breath is taken away when he looks at Jared.

If depravity had a name, it would be his.

His hair is messy, his cheeks red and his eyes shining with lust and excitement. His lips. His lips are fucking destroyed, swollen and red from all the kisses they shared. His shirt drooping off his shoulder from all the activity.

He was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

“Do I look ok?” Jared asks,

“You’re beautiful,” Jensen admits “Fucking glorious”

Jared blushes furiously, biting his lip to hold back his smile.

“So I should stay in the car?” He asks

“Oh yeah, definitely. They can’t see you like that” Jensen laughs “I'll tell them we’re ready to go. Wait here, ok?”

“Yeah, sure”

Jensen opens the door of the car, ready to step out, but before doing so, he takes Jared by the hand and pulls him towards him so they can kiss again, softer this time.

“I . . . Uh, I'll be right back” He says, clearing his throat

His brothers and sisters in law are already putting the kids in the car, but he can see Shawn looking at him laughing, while Danneel refuses to even meet his eyes.

He should feel embarrassed, and he does, but happiness overwhelms it easily.

Tags : @emmalh2001 @captainsteelandsunshine @servilesammy @mysterioushunters @jaredbootyylecki

#Jensen/Jared #J2 fic #J2 #Mine #Trust in me

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amarauder · 5 years

Text

chapter thirty ❥ original

it’s a hate-love thing original version.

james potter x reader.

Y/N involuntarily shivered, as she looked in the mirror. She and her three other friends were trying on wedding dresses, but none of them seemed to exactly suit her well enough. Not that they were too skimpy or too sagging, but they just didn't blend in with her bright/dark h/c hair and stunning e/c eyes. However, though Y/N had the patience to try on nearly every dress in the store, the manager and her friends had no such patience whatsoever.

"Do hurry, Y/N," goaded Jennifer, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I have a date with Gideon Prewett tonight, and I'm not going to be late no matter what."

"All right, I think it's just downright sickening how you're just dating members of the Order," said Arabella bluntly. "It's so wrong. I mean, if you look at it in a broad point of view, it's like dating your brother, and that is very disgusting."

"You're making it sound too dramatic, Bella. Don't worry, I won't get hurt. Gideon's a real darling, and he's doing so much for the Order. I think he's a perfect gentleman, and would never try anything on me."

"Let's hope not."

Y/N watched her friends' discourse with interest and worry. She was glad that Jennifer was not mourning over Remus' break-up with her, and moving on, dating new men, but she wasn't happy with the way she was just tossing away her friendship with him as well. Even though Jennifer and Remus weren't lovers anymore, Y/N thought they should at least be close friends, like they were in their younger days. However, it didn't turn out that way at all. Remus and Jennifer completely ignored each other after that. Jennifer flirted with nearly every single Order member close to her age, while Remus sulked every day, watching his ex-girlfriend in the corners of his eyes and sighing every second. Y/N, James, and their friends were severely disappointed in the two of them, but there really wasn't anything that could be done about it.

"Do you think it would be too amoral to not wear a white wedding dress?" questioned Y/N to her friends, while she surveyed a light yellow silk with slight interest.

"It's just a wedding dress, Y/N, for Merlin's sake," said Violet loudly. "C'mon, get your pick, and we're going. Jen's not the only one with a date; I have to meet Jackson over at the Leaky Cauldron this evening."

"Oh, you'd say something like that, Vi. But really, weddings are very important, and you must choose your dress carefully. One wrong move and the whole wedding may be ruined. Well, what do you think of this one?"

Y/N held up a simple dove-white gown. It lacked the laces, frills, and ruffles of the previous gowns that she had tried on, yet its plainness made it look elegant. Her friends nodded approvingly and had her try it on. When she slipped on the dress, she looked gorgeous. The dress blended in perfectly with her bright/dark hair and eyes, and her three friends and even the woman manager looked at her with admiration.

"You look beautiful, N/N," complimented Arabella. "Oh, you've definitely found the right dress. James' get his socks knocked off when he sees you in this." She started to examine the hem of the dress eagerly.

"Oh, Bella, don't be so ridiculous." Y/N sighed. "Well, I suppose this will have to do anyway. There are no more dresses in this store; I think I've tried on all of them. Let's pay the money and go."

She slipped some gold coins into the cashier's hand, who looked pleased to see that she finally made a decision after hours of trying on the gowns. They left the store, welcoming the fresh air eagerly.

"Finally, I can breathe," said Violet happily. "I thought I'd die from all that perfume in the store."

"Seriously," agreed Jennifer. "Well—er—see you guys later, I guess. I have to meet Gideon." She Apparated.

"Bye, Jen."

When Jennifer disappeared from their group, Arabella let out a conspicuous sigh of disapproval.

"What's that girl thinking, dating Gideon? He's a darling, for sure, but doesn't she know that she's hurting Remus every second of his life?"

"You can't blame it all on her, Arabella," said Y/N quietly. "Jennifer thinks that Remus no longer cares for her, even though we know otherwise. After all, he didn't give her much of a reason to break up in the first place."

"Well, at least he should find another girl, too."

"That would be folly. He still loves Jen. Why would he find another girl? He's just afraid to hurt them because of his transformations."

"What an idiot! I still can't believe he did such a thing. Well, it was his choice, and now he has to live with it."

"Don't sound so mean about it, Bells," scolded Violet. "You know Remus meant it for the best. He didn't do it on purpose anyway."

"If he did do it on purpose, then I'd give him the Killing Curse right on the spot!"

Y/N exchanged looks with Violet after Arabella's uncouth behavior and violent gestures. But then, there were no surprises; Arabella was usually always the one to express her feelings freely and without any sort of hesitation. Perhaps that was why she didn't feel a bit guilty about the accusations she made on Remus.

"We'd better get back soon," said Violet worriedly. "The Order meeting is in ten minutes, and Moody wouldn't like it if we're late."

"Yes, Moody," ranted Arabella. "He's another thing. Always telling us what do to. The man treats us like children, and we're nineteen! At least most of us are, anyway. But still, Moody thinks we're still ten and assume that we can't do anything, while you and James are slaving every day at the Ministry and at home, going through your aptitude tests as an Auror."

"Bella, calm down," ordered Y/N. "You know that Alastor only means well for the good of the Order. Besides, we are still children, compared to him and Dumbledore. We're only nineteen, and that's not very long. They've been living much longer in this war than us, so we should respect them instead of making bitter remarks behind their back. Now, what do you say we make some nice green tea back at headquarters?"

"N/N, I need a place of my own. I can't just live at the Order headquarters under you and James' generosity. After all, you all are working day and night, and I'm practically the only one without a flat of my own. Sirius has his own place, and so do Remus, Peter, and Jennifer. Violet's living with Jackson for the time being, but they're about to get married soon anyway. Jackson's thinking of proposing next year."

"Arabella, you're going to be married soon too," Violet pointed out pragmatically. "You and Sirius can get a place of your own, just like Y/N and James. Don't worry so much."

Arabella looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh, yeah..." She looked as if she had forgotten for a second that she had a fiancé, an engagement ring, and a planned June wedding for two years later.

The three girls Apparated to London, and then walked the rest of the way to the Order headquarters, depositing Violet at the Leaky Cauldron. Y/N rang the doorbell, and a familiar jingling of bells soon followed after the push. Fabian, Gideon's brother, opened the door and allowed entrance in a rather enthusiastic manner.

"How's your friend doing lately?" he asked them, as they settled down to the meeting, which would start in eight minutes. "She's going to dinner tonight with my brother, and missing the meeting. Moody put up a good fight before allowing them...even Dumbledore had to step in."

"The man's insane," added Sirius, going toward them and slipping an arm around Arabella's waist. "However, he's a great Auror and really knows his business, so I respect him for it."

"Why, thank you, Black," came a growl from behind the handsome man.

Everyone jumped, and turned around, revealing Moody dressed in his evening robes, and acknowledged him politely. Even though they were like "family", as Moody had said when they first joined, they were still rather fearful of one of the greatest Aurors in the Ministry. After all, he was decades over than them, and had more experience, therefore earning a high place in everyone's hearts.

"Er—" Sirius shuffled his feet back and forth in embarrassment. "Thanks, Alastor."

"Where's that Potter?" Moody demanded. "You know where he is, L/N? He's supposed to tell us how many tests he's passed so far."

"No, I haven't seen him since this morning, sir."

"How can you not know, L/N? You're going to be married to the boy in two months. Well, I suppose all teenagers are like this."

"We're not teenagers," said Arabella with indignation. "We're legal adults, Mr. Moody, and I beg you to consider that. We aren't children anymore."

Moody peered at the brunette and nodded slowly. "Ah, yes, always the feisty and outspoken one, aren't you, Figg? Well, you got a point there, girl. I never do treat you all like the adults you are, do I? I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time."

Arabella smiled triumphantly, giving Y/N an "if-you-tell-him-off-then-he'll-give-you-whatever-you-want" look. Y/N promptly rolled her eyes in response.

As if on cue, James came bounding down the stairs, running a hand through his haphazard jet-black hair. He was now growing quite tall and had caught up on to Sirius' naturally well-built frame, though he was still as skinny and tan as ever. However, he was still as handsome as he was back in his seventh year, and still attracted many women on the streets, though James still stayed head over heels in love with Y/N or 'totally whipped' as Sirius would say. He waved merrily at Moody, who looked more disgruntled than ever.

"Hey, Alastor. Sorry I'm late. I had to fix my hair for my special girl." He winked roguishly at Y/N.

"Make sure you aren't late again, Potter, and come right when I call you."

"Gee, what am I, a dog?" Seeing Moody's face, James promptly stopped his smart-aleck remarks. "Sorry. Er—yeah, I've passed nearly a third of my tests in the Ministry, and Y/N's passed more than a quarter."

"I asked for your results only, Potter, not L/N's. She can give me her own account, and I don't need you to do anything about it."

James raised his eyebrows. "All right, then. When are we starting the meeting?"

"Just about now, Potter."

"Ooh, Prongs, right on time for once!" exclaimed Sirius joyously.

"The Ministry is still trying to recover from the attack the Death Eaters launched last month," informed Alice. "And there are rumors that Voldemort is planning to strike at Azkaban and release all the prisoners who will be willing to go on his side."

Sirius stood up abruptly. "But that would be nearly all of them! The only reason why they were probably put to Azkaban was that they did a dark deed or something. Plus the fact that the dementors are starting to cozy up to Voldemort, too."

"Yes, Black, 'tis true," said Moody, looking grave. "Good work, Hart. But now we have more things to worry about...more allies for You-Know-Who. Do you think the werewolves might join as well, Lupin?"

"I think they will, sir," said Remus in a lugubrious manner. His mind was clearly on something else. "The vampires have already joined ranks with him."

"Yes, yes, indeed. Well, we'll just have to wait and see. Where's Walker and Bradley?"

"They're off to dinner at the Leaky Cauldron," said Y/N apologetically. "I guess we're short another two members, Alastor."

"Dinner, it's all these young folks think about!" muttered Moody.

"We have lived beside the Order, you know," retorted Arabella.

"Hush, Arabella," said Frank sharply.

"No, no, the girl's right for the second time today. Since you've put it that way, Figg, I suppose this meeting can be annulled. The next meeting will be next month. That will be all." Moody Apparated, to where no one knew.

"Why does he listen to you all the time?" asked Sirius grumpily. "I think he fancies you or something."

"Merlin, Sirius, he's ages older than me." Arabella laughed. "I just have a great way of handling people, that's all."

"Can you imagine Moody fancying a woman anyway?" James sniggered at the thought.

"Well, now that we have the evening off, let's go to dinner somewhere, then," said Sirius. "Maybe we can go to that French restaurant and spy on Jennifer."

Remus twitched at the mention of her name and shook his head. "You should really leave her alone, Sirius. She's enjoying herself, and we all know that you love to anger people who are having fun."

"Don't be such a spoilsport, Moony! C'mon, it'll be fun!"

"Sirius," said Arabella sharply, shaking her head at the tactlessness of her fiancé. "Leave Remus be."

"Oh..." Sirius realized what she meant and nodded. "Sorry, Moons."

"It's all right," replied Remus tiredly.

"Moony? You want to come with us anyway?" James peered at his friend worriedly.

"No, I'm fine, Prongs, thanks."

"All right, then," said Y/N. She knew better than to pester Remus with a further, "Are you sure?" The four of them then Apparated away, leaving Remus to his thoughts.

Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

It's been seven months and counting

You've moved on

I still feel exactly the same

It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name

Like photographs and memories of love

Steel and granite reminders

The city calls your name and I can't move on

Ever since you've been gone

The lights go out the same

The only difference is

You call another name

To your love

To your lover now

To your love

The lover after me

Am I all alone in the universe?

There's no love on these streets

I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway

So this is my new freedom

It's funny

I don't remember being chained

But nothing seems to make sense anymore

Without you I'm always twenty minutes late

Ever since you've been gone

The lights go out the same

The only difference is

You call another name

To your love

To your lover now

To your love

The lover after me

And time goes by so slowly

The nights are cold and lonely

I shouldn't be holding on

But I'm still holding on for you

Here I go again

I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

But I'm standing at your doorway

I'm calling out your name because I can't move on

Ever since you've been gone

The lights go out the same

The only difference is

You call another name

To your love

To your lover now

To your love

The lover after me

Remus stared wistfully at the stars that had come out of the sky. They twinkled brightly at him, as if telling him that everything would turn out all right...even if there were consequences.

Y/N glared at her best friend, swinging her wedding dress over her shoulders. "Bella, help me!"

"Wait until I get this make-up on!" Arabella struggled with the eye shadow, smearing all of her eyelids with it.

"I cannot believe your naïveté about make-up, Bella," said Jennifer, rolling her eyes. "Even Vi knows more than you do."

"Arabella Figg, my wedding day is today! I want everything to be perfect, and you're not helping me! Vi, help me get my dress on."

Violet hastily went to help Y/N with her dress, and within minutes, Y/N was in her wedding gown, looking as radiant and gorgeous as ever.

"You look so wonderful, N/N," sighed Jennifer dreamily. "You're so lucky to be marrying James."

"And you call me the romantic," retorted Vi.

"Can someone help me with this stuff?" Arabella held up a tube of eye shadow in front of their noses. "Come on, someone do it!"

Jennifer rolled her eyes. "Come here, Bella," she instructed. She took the eye shadow and expertly applied it onto Arabella's eyelids. "There." She smiled triumphantly at her work.

"How come you know how to do it?" asked Arabella, inspecting her eyes carefully. "You never wear this stuff."

"True, but it's not that hard, you know. You don't have to be a genius to do it. Merlin, if you can't do something like that, Bella, I don't know how you manage your job at the Ministry."

"Hey, I can do more useful things, unlike some people."

"That was an insult!"

"So be it!"

"Girls, girls," mollified Y/N soothingly. "Bella, you're the maid of honor, and Jen, you're one of the bridesmaids. Is this how you're really supposed to act?"

"Oh, sure," snapped Arabella irritably, "you're not the one who has to wear these slippers that pinch your toes, do you? Y/N, what were you thinking, getting these slippers? They're pretty and all, but not all of us have tiny feet like you!"

"Bella, calm down. I'm sorry, but none of us have the same shoe size. That's why I specifically told you all to get the size that would fit you the most."

Jennifer and Violet both looked accusingly at Arabella, who made a slight noise that sounded oddly like, "Whoops."

Y/N bit her lips again. "Oh, d'you think I'm doing the right thing by marrying James?"

Violet rolled her eyes. "We've been through this a million times this week, Y/N. Yes, you two should be married. I mean, come on, it was so obvious since first year. You and James' destiny together is written in the stars, for Merlin's sake!"

"I never see it in the sky at night," said Bella reproachfully.

"It was figuratively speaking, Arabella."

"Oh, where's my veil? Girls, my veil is missing! Merlin help me!" Y/N looked around desperately at her three friends. "Where the bloody hell is it?"

"Watch your language, Y/N L/N," cautioned Arabella in a nagging voice. "Oh—here it is!" She produced a thick wad of filmy material and handed it to Y/N, who placed it on with a flourish.

"You're gorgeous, Y/N," breathed Jennifer, smiling.

Meanwhile, back where the Marauders were, James was currently panicking, chafing his hands together in the most uncomfortable and unpleasant fashion. Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Frank were all trying to calm him down, but nothing really worked.

"Am I really doing the right thing, marrying Y/N? What if I did something wrong? What if I don't deserve her, and she goes off and elopes with another guy instead?"

"Prongs, shut it," said Sirius tiredly. "You're doing the right thing. Now get these damn robes on before you wet yourself."

"James, your hair," said Remus practically, pointing to the groom's untidy hair. "You need to fix it."

"Impossible," said Frank briskly. "James has never been able to accomplish that. Only Y/N can do it, and we can't have her come in here."

"Go ask Y/N what charm she used," said James pleadingly.

"No way! I'm not supposed to see the bride."

"No, you can, I can't."

"Forget the hair, let's just get the suit on and be with it," said Sirius impatiently. "C'mon Prongs, bear with me here."

"Hey, you're not the one getting married."

"True, but I'm planning to, and Frank here is already a married man."

James looked at the said Frank. "Were you nervous on your wedding day, Frank?"

"C'mon, Potter, you can do better than that." Frank rolled his eyes. "You were my best man, remember? And nearly dropped the rings on the altar?"

Sirius sniggered. "Oh, I remember that. Alice looked ready to kill when Prongs tripped on the hem of Y/N's dress."

"Not funny," snapped James impatiently.

"James." Daniel Potter entered the room, waving his arms around. "It's time, son."

"WHAT? Now?"

"Come on, Prongs, you can do it," encouraged Peter brightly. "Then you can—"

"—be all nice and ready for tonight with Y/N," finished Sirius, winking.

"Sirius!" exclaimed Remus, aghast. "You pervert!"

"And proud of it."

"Come on, James dear, you're wasting time here," said Mrs. Potter hurriedly.

James had gotten his suit on (with the help of his best man and ushers, of course), and left the room. He stood there, wringing his hands nervously, and gaped when Y/N came out.

She was simply gorgeous. Her light/dark h/c hair contrasted beautifully with the snow-white gown, and her E/C eyes were sparkling delightfully. She smiled nervously at James, whose feet were frozen on the spot, and had to have Sirius nudge him in order to move again.

Y/N smiled at James, who looked as if he were about to faint. He looked very handsome, as always, in a Muggle suit, though his jet-black hair was as haphazard as ever. There were murmurs throughout the guests when they saw the groom's appearance, but they weren't mean or degrading; in fact, many of the guests were laughing softly or silently to themselves or to each other.

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore smiled to himself as he looked at the couple. Y/N and James had invited him to marry them and he happily obliged, feeling honored to marry such a deserving and loving couple as them.

"I am here, on this day, to join James Henry Potter and Y/N M/N L/N in holy matrimony..." Dumbledore continued his speech, until the final vows.

"Do you, Y/N L/N, take this man to be your husband?"

"I do."

"And do you, James Potter, take this woman to be your wife?"

"I do, sir."

"Then I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

James lifted the veil shielding Y/N's face and kissed her lips. The cheering seemed to melt away along with everyone around the room. Y/n and James were in pure bliss, electric shocks warming them from head to toe. James sighed happily into Y/N's lips, she was finally his. They broke off the kiss reluctantly, and there was clapping, cheering, and wolf-whistles after it that deafened the surroundings.

After that, they had their wedding reception, where Sirius had stood up in the middle of their meal to make his best man speech. "Deerly beloved, family, and friends, it behooves me to deliver this speech to two of the purest harts I know, two individuals so fawned of each other that it completely bucks the notion of superficial love. Doe they will surely go through many trials and tribulations in the years ahead-many high and low points; stag-nant periods, when their love seems fallow-I know, as someone who knows them best, that they will not allow themselves ot fall into a rut. When it's all over, and people are sitting around telling tails of these two, they'll be telling each other the purest love story anyone has ever herd."

Sirius paused, "Now, because Jamsie and Y/n flower are just so special, I made two best man speeches, Here goes my second one."

"I knew that Y/N and James were 'meant to be' ever since they started their first argument on the Hogwarts Express. Even though bickering and screaming isn't exactly anyone's idea of romantic, but I knew that behind those fights, there was an affection that would last forever. However, these two stubborn idiots supposedly 'hated' each other until fifth year, when good old Prongs finally realized his true feelings for Y/N Flower. Sadly, Flower did not share those feelings of love and affection, and it took two years before Y/N finally relented to her feelings, and the two numskulls started dating in our seventh year together. Now, this may sound like a typical love story, but it isn't. These two are my best friends, and the greatest ones you can ever ask for. I've seen Y/N and James grow up for these eight years, and believe me, every single look they've given each other expressed the deepest love. So I say to my best friend and his new wife, congratulations!"

Everyone started cheering, and Y/N sniffed, wiping away tears from her eyes. James laughed loudly at his best friend's surprising gravity, and clapped him on the back. Remus couldn't stop grinning, and Arabella, Jennifer, and Violet had all cried along with the newly married bride.

A song had started up, and soon everyone was dancing on the dance floor. Finally, after hours, the last dance had started playing, and Y/N and James re-entered the floor.

There's a calm surrender to the rush of day

When the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away

An enchanted moment, and it sees me through

It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you

And can you feel the love tonight

It is where we are

It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer

That we got this far

And can you feel the love tonight

How it's laid to rest

It's enough to make kings and vagabonds

Believe the very best

There's a time for everyone if they only learn

That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn

There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors

When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours

And can you feel the love tonight

It is where we are

It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer

That we got this far

And can you feel the love tonight

How it's laid to rest

It's enough to make kings and vagabonds

Believe the very best

The song had finished, and Y/N laid her head on James' shoulder, sighing happily. This was the best day of her life. She had gotten married to her fiancé, whom she loved very much, and they were about to start their lives together. What could be better?

James grinned, and stroked Y/N's dark/light h/c hair gently. His heart was beating rapidly as he inhaled the sweet scent of his wife's hair. His wife...it all sounded so surreal. He gave a small laugh, despite the peace in the air. Eight years ago when he was just a little first-year, James wouldn't have dreamed he'd be marrying Y/N L/N, the (annoying hair name) and feisty girl with a sharp tongue and an annoying disposition. They had hated each other then. Now, however, it had all changed. James had finally opened his eyes to the truth and poured out all of his feelings to Y/N, and now they were finally married. It all sounded so strange to him, like a dream. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them, hoping that this dream would never end. No, it wasn't a dream. This was real—and he definitely wanted it that way.

"Isn't it sweet?" whispered Arabella to her fiancé, as they both watched the newlyweds dance.

"Like sugar," agreed Sirius, his eyes darting around from his best friend to his best girl friend. "I can't believe they're finally together. Remember when we were first years?"

"How can I forget? Y/N and James fought so much that we got sick and tired of them by the first month. How did they manage to get together with such malignancy emitting from each other for years?"

"Fate, I suppose. Us, too, of course," he added, grinning.

"Oh, yes, we should give ourselves plenty of credit, shouldn't we, Sirius?"

"Certainly. After all, we're the ones who'll keep them sane."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, they're never going to last one minute without arguing."

"Hey, Y/N, where'd my shirt go?"

James was rummaging through his large wardrobe, searching for his favorite shirt to wear under his regular robes, but wasn't having much luck. Cursing silently to himself, he strolled out of the room and hollered for his wife, the first thing he thought of.

Y/N, who had been downstairs helping get breakfast ready, closed her eyes tightly when she heard James' annoyingly nagging voice from upstairs, and let out a heavy sigh. She loved James, for sure, but he was very irritating at times.

"I don't have the slightest clue, James!" she called back.

"But you're supposed to know! Women are supposed to know these things."

Y/N's natural hotheaded temper flared up. "What do you mean women are supposed to know these things? Is this world so prejudiced that women and men have specific things they have to do in this world?"

"Ooh, busted, Prongs," muttered Sirius, passing the H/C.

"You shut it, Black!"

"Prongs, go handle your wife there, she's going insane! Next time, don't make sexist remarks! Gee, Flower, there's no need to yell at innocent passersby who simply make a small comment upon your exclamations."

Y/N blinked at Sirius' amazing use of "challenging" vocabulary and instantly felt guilty for yelling at him. After all, it was James whom she was really impatient with.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Sirius."

James came trampling down the stairs, shirtless. He gave a grumbling greeting to everyone and sat down at the table. He grabbed a few rolls from the center and buttered it, ignoring his wife completely.

"It's indecent to be eating half-naked, James Potter," censored Y/N. "Go put on a shirt now, and your robes."

"Oh, I'm quite sorry, but if I'm not mistaken, I couldn't find my shirt and asked you if you knew where it was."

"Well, I would have told you if you hadn't made that comment about women."

"Don't take everything so seriously, N/N I wasn't serious."

"You're right, you were James," piped up Sirius from the sink.

Both Potters blatantly ignored that comment.

"It's your fault, so go find another shirt," said Y/N pragmatically. "What's so special about this particular shirt?"

"'Cause it's my favorite."

"Idiot. Go find another one."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO."

"YES."

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

By now, the couple was getting extremely on each other's nerves, and everyone in the Order stopped what they were doing to observe the argument. Y/N and James' faces were both very red, and one could almost see steam rising out of their ears (though not quite literally, of course).

"Fine, do you really want to know why?" shouted James angrily. "It's because I was going to take you out to a really fancy dinner tonight with the other people who are Aurors-in training, and I wanted to wear my favorite shirt, which is the one you gave me for my birthday last year."

Y/N frowned and raised her eyebrows. Whoops. She had definitely not seen that coming from her husband, and at first, she was too shocked and surprised to answer. Then, she felt very ashamed of herself for yelling at James like that, when he was only asking her if she knew where his favorite shirt was. Come to think of it, he always threw a sexist comment here and there every day, and she never commented on it...in fact, she's never even noticed until now. What was wrong with her?

"James, I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Huh!" He turned his back on her and looked away. Well, two could play at that game.

"Please, Jamie."

He sighed and turned around. After all, Y/N was the only one who could ever soften him up like that. "D'you really mean it?"

"'Course."

James grinned and engulfed her in a large bear hug. There was laughter from everyone else in the Order as they watched the couple embrace passionately. Even though they had seen them argue at least once a week, it was still romantic and heart tugging to observe them mend their mistakes with hugs, kisses, or other affectionate gestures.

"How many times have they done this since their wedding?" mumbled Arabella to her fiancé.

Sirius scowled. "Too many."

"You can never get sick of them, though," said Violet cheerfully, as her eyes went over the couple with a glazed expression. "It's so—"

"—romantic, we know, Vi," sighed Jennifer, rolling her eyes. "Actually, I'm quite sick of it already, to tell you the truth."

"Hear, hear," agreed Jackson, sighing. "That two bicker so much it's a miracle you can tell that they actually love each other."

"Well, of course, they do," said Violet, looking insulted. "Can't you see it, Jack? They're just too used to fighting each other. After all, they had been doing it for most of their years at Hogwarts."

"I don't have much of an opinion, then, since I didn't know you guys too well until sixth year."

"What d'you think, Moony?" asked Sirius. He wanted Remus to participate since his friend had been gloomy ever since his break-up with Jennifer.

"I think that they express their love through those arguments," replied Remus absently. "You may not see it, but Violet's right. They're too used to fighting each other, that even if they're in love, they still have to fight in order to survive with each other. It sounds unusual, but then, Y/N and James have never really been what I call 'conventional' people."

"True," agreed Jennifer, giggling, as Gideon's arms encircled her waist.

Remus visibly cringed when he saw the gesture, and he sighed. Well, that was what he'd get for making the decision, and he'd have to live with it, but by Merlin, was it hard without his Jenny.

"I hope that dinner isn't canceled, Jamie," said Y/N sweetly, as they sat down for breakfast.

"Just because of that little fight? Like hell I'd cancel it."

"Watch the language, James," chided Alice. "Honestly, you men just really can't keep those swears to yourself, can you?"

"Don't think you're all cherubic and angelic," said Frank, laughing. "I caught you giving off the whole dictionary of obscene words the other day when you tripped down the stairs."

"Not that you wouldn't either. It hurt!"

"Hey, I'm not arguing with you, Al. Don't want to end up like Y/N and James, do we?"

"I can't say I wouldn't want to at all." Alice looked over at the couple, smiling. She had always admired the love between Y/N and James, ever since she got to know of their predicament in her sixth year.

"True," rambled Frank. "I remember back in our fourth year where—"

"Not one of your stupid stories again, Longbottom," grumbled Moody from his muffin. "Tell us something else."

"But this is good stuff, Alastor! Don't you want to hear about how Alice and I got together?"

"Why should I care about how young people 'get together', as you call it? I'm an old-timer now, Longbottom, so I don't understand these type of things."

"Please, Alastor, let me tell it just this once!"

"Ah, fine. I'd probably have to hear it in my lifetime anyway. Continue."

Frank beamed. "So anyway, as I was saying. Back in our fourth year, I had a gargantuan obsession with Cassia Newman. I couldn't help it! Everything about her was so perfect, at least to a point-of-view of a fourteen-year-old: a spot on the Quidditch team, pretty, popular, smart. God, I would've been married to that girl if it hadn't been for Wood and Alice. Anyhow, one day, I was partnered up with Al in Potions. I was very angry that Hurst didn't put me with Cassia, but I was satisfied, nevertheless. However, we had started up a conversation while we did our potion, and I found that Alice Hart was even more amazing than Cassia, and I was immediately in love by the end of class."

"How sweet...puppy love," said Jennifer indulgently. She had turned rather scatter-brained once more after Remus broke up with her.

"I found it to be true love," objected Frank stiffly.

"Well, I find it sweet. After all, one can never have been 'in love' at the age of fourteen."

"For some people, it can. I had been in love with Al for the longest time, and we're now married. It may be fate, Jennifer, but you can still change things for the better." He had meant to say that to point out to her that life went on no matter what, and she could still go back to Remus, but it seemed that she didn't get the point.

Jennifer merely shrugged and flitted her eyes at Gideon with a lovesick expression upon her face. Remus sighed heavily when he saw this gesture.

"So, what're you all up for today?" asked Arabella, trying to lift the mood of the atmosphere.

"Nothing, really," said Violet disappointingly. "Y/N and James are going to that dinner, but the rest of us are basically hanging about for the whole day, besides that Order project we're doing."

"Well, you'd better do that then," put in Moody. "If you have nothing to do, Walker, I'd advise you to get started at once."

"Yes, sir." Violet rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Jack!" exclaimed Jennifer, clucking her tongue disapprovingly. "Do you mean to say that you have nothing planned for Violet tonight?"

"I—" Jackson looked startled. "Er—"

"Shame on you! Gideon always has something planned for me when I've nothing to do."

"Jen, he's been busy with the Order," castigated Y/N. "This isn't fun and games; this is serious. Innocent people are getting killed day after day, and this is all you think about? I'm ashamed of you, Jennifer Dean."

"Oh, N/N, you're such a spoilsport. It's not that bad, really."

"Remember what I told you back in our seventh year? This is just like what happened during the Muggle World War II, when Adolf Hitler took over and became the Chancellor of Germany, and murdered so many Jews, as well as gypsies, Jehovah witnesses, and the handicapped. Do you know how sick that is? They were innocent lives, Jennifer! Like now!"

"I agree with Y/N, Jennifer," said Alice quietly. "This isn't fun and games anymore like it was at Hogwarts. This the real world now, and you have to face it."

"Alastor, another attack!"

Everyone turned around abruptly as Marlene McKinnon exclaimed this, stumbling through the fireplace. She pulled up her emerald green hat, which was askew, her eyes sparkling with excitement and worry.

"Where?" demanded Moody urgently.

Marlene seemingly calmed a bit and sighed in defeat. "Azkaban."

"Azkaban?" repeated James, looking at his wife worriedly. "Has Voldemort gone completely mad?"

"He released the prisoners there who served under him, and convinced the dementors to be on his side."

There were shouts of protest and disbelief following this statement. Everyone feared the dementors, of course, since they sucked every single happy memory inside you, but having them on Voldemort's side—

"I don't believe it!" Sirius stood up, banging his glass on the table, causing coffee to spill everywhere. "Scourgify, damn thing. Anyway, the dementors can't be on Voldemort's side! They just can't!"

"Sirius—" began Marlene, but he cut her off.

"No, the world will end if the dementors are on Voldemort's side. We'll lose for sure!"

"Then that would mean we've lost, wouldn't it, Black?" grumbled Moody. "Because Marlene's right. The dementors have always been Dark creatures as it is, giving you all the bad memories of your life."

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but James shook his head at him.

"Padfoot, let it go. The worst hasn't happened yet."

"Then what is the worst, Prongs, besides this?"

James sighed, and looked out of the window, running a free hand through his untidy hair. "When Voldemort knows that we're against him and kills us all one-by-one."

Arabella wrinkled her nose. "Well, what do we do now?"

Everyone looked over at the pretty brunette in puzzlement. Many of the Order members didn't trust Arabella for many reasons. First of all, she had to question the authority of everyone and was too saucy for her own good. Second of all, she was the fiancée of Sirius Black, in whom they absolutely did not trust, being a Black and all.

"What? I was just asking, what do we do now? We can't just stand here and argue. We have to take action."

"She's right," agreed Fabian from the far end of the table, through a mouthful of toast. "What say you, Gid?"

"I agree as well, of course," said Gideon practically. "Perhaps a group of us should make a visit to Azkaban."

"Are you mad?" roared Remus, jumping up. He personally wasn't very fond of Gideon, after stealing his ex-girlfriend. "That would be folly. Azkaban no longer houses allies anymore."

"I agree with Remus," said James loudly. "We should just let this one go, Bells. We don't do everything related to Voldemort, or the Aurors would be out of job in no time."

When everyone finished breakfast and proceeded to their work, Y/N grabbed hold of her husband's arm.

"James, what should we do?"

"You mean about the dinner?"

"No! Forget the dinner, I mean our world. It's falling apart, and I don't know if I'm ready to have a child to live in such a world."

"Y/N, don't worry about it. Whatever happens, it'll happen, and there's nothing we can do about it. Now, what about dinner?"

Y/N stared at him. "There's just been an attack on Azkaban and you're thinking about dinner?"

"Hey, I'm a growing man here, and I'm really hungry. Now, c'mon, I know the Aurors will want to see us and we want to make a good impression of ourselves, right?"

"Right," was answered a little bit hesitantly.

"C'mon, don't be such a wet rag," said James jovially. "Sure, it's bad that the dementors aren't on our side anymore, but it was bound to happen anyway. Evil things, those dementors. You are up to dinner today, aren't you?"

Y/N sighed, laughing. "Yeah, let's go."

James grinned fondly at his little wife. "I'm not the egotistical, pathetic little prat you used to hate back at Hogwarts, am I?"

"No, you've changed...and definitely for the better. Though Merlin knows why I ever did marry you."

"Hey! I thought you said I changed."

"You have. However, you being a married man is still something I'm trying hard to imagine, and it's definitely not working."

Y/N grinned, and looped her arm through James', smiling contentedly. She was so lucky to have such a sweet and devoted husband as James, and she counted her lucky stars every night for it.

"I'm just kidding, Jamie. Let's go."

James took Y/N's hand and squeezed it, letting all his problems wash away for one moment when sparks flew between them like it always did.

tags; @theredheadedwinchester

masterlist

#amarauder writings #it's a hate-love thing original version #james potter x reader

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holden-norgorov · 6 years

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The Kalagang irl meeting.

Let’s talk about this mess of a scene, because it fails on so many levels that I really find it barely watchable, and I’m vividly sure I will never watch it again. Probably the worst scene in all the show, and the only one I can’t forgive at all.

For starters, it’s completely decontextualized from the narrative coherence of the previous events. We were left with Rajan and Wolfgang physically together and Kala with Lito, Hernando and Dani leaving the club. Why is Kala arriving at the shelter in a car with Bug? It’s not necessarily a continuity error, because this moment happens likely the day (or even days) after the exchange. Still, though, this doesn’t explain why this scene is shown to us in this way: are we supposed to buy the idea of Kala never meeting with the two of them for a couple of days or, if she did, never properly talking to them until now? What really happened between these two scenes? It really isn’t clear at all. So, the writing is little too obvious and orchestrated for it to be believable, but really this may be the least problematic aspect.

Then we are shown Wolfgang rightfully thanking Rajan for saving him and showing him some deserved gratitude, since Rajan actually prevented Lila from killing him. So, this is a totally acceptable and understandable behavior for him. The problem steams from the fact that the writers clearly intended for this moment to hint at something bigger and different between the two and expected us to accept it even though it came from nowhere at all. And this is mostly disappointing knowing how carefully and worthily Lana represented and explained the complex realm of human sexualities for the past two seasons. For each character there has always been a detailed attention in the exploration of their identities, especially regarding their approach to sex and their sexual preferences. Knowing this, it’s quite a downer witnessing such a great work lose its power and value in this scene, where some bubbling from Rajan is supposed to suggest us something never mentioned or addressed before. It’s a totally superficial and cheap choice that weakens the depth and the heaviness of the importance that the show itself has always given to sexual orientation and self-awareness. For twenty-three episodes we have never been given the slightest hint of Rajan being anything but a hetero-sexual man, and if he wasn’t from the very start, Lana would surely have found a way to let us understand quite instantly (since thankfully she cares a lot about these themes and would never fail to portray them properly ― at least I believed it, until now). For this very reason I find it inappropriate and very inadequate for the writers to imply superficially (and without providing a needed foundation) the existence of an instant, unmotivated attraction between two characters who have never been shown to struggle with their sexual orientations. Sense8 has always treated its characters way better than this misleading and trivial stare-action between Wolfgang and Rajan suggests. It really looks like a joke.

Kala arrives in the car and shows again second thoughts. Objectively, this is not an incomprehensible thing. I think it’s true to her character showing hesitance right now, knowing that Rajan helped them and saved Wolfgang personally. What many people fail to understand, though, is that these second thoughts don’t correspond to a sudden newborn love indecision. Kala is once again showing uncertainty regarding “which rules to follow”, not “which man to choose” (she has clear ideas about her feelings, she is just afraid and hesitant of turning her back from her duties ― which now are more oppressive than ever, because her husband has proved to be a good and worthy man). Since Kala is conscious that Rajan has proved to be fundamental in Wolfgang’s salvation and providing a shelter, I don’t feel like blaming her for a newfound indecisiveness. She was ready to be with Wolfgang and tell Rajan the truth because during all S2 he acted quite badly towards her, instead now the writers presented him (in a totally cheap way, but still) as redeemable, therefore she develops a new sense of guilt and discomfort to hurt him. So, overall, I can consider this moment acceptable. But this hesitance doesn’t translate in a romantic awakening from her towards her husband. She simply finds herself not ready to hurt him anymore, so she goes back to “talk in circles”.

What I actually really consider outrageous here is Bug’s suggestion that a choice shouldn’t be made and, worst, Kala’s immediate acceptance of this. This moment not only destroys Kala’s character evolution in the past seasons, but it also sends a horrible message. First of all, I don’t clearly see why there shouldn’t be ethical rules if she was able to be in two different places at the same time. I know the visiting element is complex, but, in my opinion, it still doesn’t allow a person to cheat on another, and staying with two people at the same time is cheating (especially if a “sapiens” is involved, because he is unfairly cut out from part of it because of natural limitations). On a strictly conceptual point of view, I could see the appeal of this idea: by being naturally able to “multiply” yourself, you could be able to naturally “multiply” your feelings too. But being able to be in two places at the same time doesn’t mean that you become two different people. And the fact is always that: Kala is not suffering from a love indecision. She isn’t romantically conflicted, she is torn between obligation and herself. By stating “there are no rules” the show basically implies that it’s okay for Kala to keep avoiding her right and duty to choose for herself and keep maintaining her uncertainties unresolved. And if this is really the case, then the question is: what was the point of Kala’s character at all? Why showing us two seasons of internal struggle only for it to end up being completely ignored? It doesn’t make sense. If the purpose of the show had really been for her to not come to a choice at all, I think at least all S2 would have been written very differently than it actually was. By rejecting the very fundament of Kala’s character, her constant worries now seem to have always been pointless, because what Bug suggests is actually a stupid way out that she already knew and that definitely couldn’t be anything but a temporary solution. She was already conscious that she could be in two places at the same time, and she actually used this at her advantage by visiting Wolfgang for the entire second season and being with the only man she loved and was comfortable with. But this “visiting” skill accessible only to Sensoriums shouldn’t erase the moral laws and conventions that are applied equally to both species. Kala shouldn’t be excused by anyone, especially Rajan, for taking advantage of this “privilege” in order to reject her responsibilities. Choosing by herself and for herself was her ultimate responsibility as a character and an Indian woman, and here the writers just decided to nullify all of it. In my opinion, it’s okay for Kala to show a newfound unease towards the difficult and life-defining choice that she has to make, but it’s not okay for her to decide to avoid it at all and expect Wolfgang and Rajan to accept it. The moment where Kala acts all mind-blown in front of Bug’s completely wrong advice, I could feel her character slowly disintegrating. Why would she even consider this as a solution? If this had really been a solution for her, if she really felt like she could “have both”, she wouldn’t have had any problem at all since the beginning of the show. But she had, because truth is that there are rules, and a choice was supposed to be made to give a meaning to her self-worth discovery. We as human beings are defined firstly by our choices: to have Kala degenerate as a character and suddenly avoid any responsibility that she had to deal with for two seasons is just an insulting and unacceptable message (apart from being incoherent with how her character was built and totally nonsensical).

Then we see Kala exiting the car and approaching Rajan, playing the wife role. Regardless of anything, this moment is just out of character. During the end of S2, we have been made promises and raised expectations regarding Wolfgang and Kala’s real meeting both by a conversation between Kala and Riley in S02E10 and a heart-felt monologue by Kala herself in S02E11. In that same episode, Kala was literally unable to keep her breath steady just thinking about the emotions of this moment. We have been fed for two seasons of the unprecedented intensity and depth of their connection. Also, Wolfgang has been captured, tortured multiple times, nearly killed and finally rescued. There is just no way that Kala, once she finally has the opportunity of touching him in real life for the first time, consciously goes first to her husband and kisses him in front of the love of her life. It’s laughable even thinking about it, no matter how badly she may feel about hurting him. But I sincerely hope think that almost every human with a brain agrees that this choice was OOC and very questionable. Also, about the line “Rajan, you are much more than the man I thought I married”, I feel that it’s totally understandable for Kala to have this new opinion of him. I personally just think that the writers made her say it in a completely out-of-place situation. It just feels wrong in this particular moment, when you are ignoring the man you were willing to die for who is standing right there behind you husband.

What’s the point of showing us all the touching and the kissing in the sun and everything between Wolfgang and a visiting Kala? Bad editing, maybe for time constraints, but according to how they realized the scene, it seems to me that physical Kala is the one who hugs Wolfgang at the end, once all of that is already finished, and I can tell this because Rajan is actually observing the hug with a worried, even hurt expression (which he has every right to have, since his wife has just decided to play him and has previously failed to tell him about her connection with Wolfgang). Such an unfair mess we have here, in every aspect.

I have also problems with the direction of the kiss. It’s just realized weirdly and from a not-so-optimal position. It was kind of odd to watch, and it wasn’t even in person.

#sense8 #amor vincit omnia #sense8 special #wolfgang bogdanow #kala dandekar #kalagang #anti rajalagang #irl meeting #my thoughts

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archivewineamo · 6 years

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SHE WEARS A DISGUISE. this headcanon post is going to include triggering content, DOMESTIC ABUSE / PTSD / DEPRESSION / SUICIDE ATTEMPT / MISCARRIGE & ANXIETY. please for your own sake don’t read if this is something you know it’s triggering for you.

Now, I think it’s important to explain why I even decided to make this post, well, Tanya’s second husband, Daniel, abused her since the start of their relationship, continuing out through their marriage. He was very controlling, didn’t see the wrong in handling her as he wanted and found the most suitable. He has been close to killing her multiple times. The reason why I felt it was important to make this post it’s because it’s something that forms her a lot from the happy girl she once was. She’s around twenty-eight when she first met Daniel and their relationship continued for over three years. Under this time she went through so much trauma, the trauma she bearly was able to process.

Not only did he physically and psychologically abuse her. During this time Tanya found out she was pregnant but she never gave birth to a child, she had a miscarriage in week 17 after Daniel came home and took out his aggression on her.

PTSD:

PTSD : Essentially a memory filing error caused by a traumatic event.

Symptoms for PTSD can weary between persons but I’ve chosen to list the symptoms that fit in for Tanya.

Panic attacks/anxiety/depression/mood swings

Difficulty falling or staying asleep

A sense of a limited future

Frequent periods of withdrawal into oneself

Flashbacks (Acting or feeling like the event is happening again)

Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)

Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma

Feeling suicidal

Guilt, Shame, embarrassment or self-blame

Misuse of alcohol/drugs/gambling and/or food

She was diagnosed with PTSD two years after her divorce with Daniel, she, after everything was settled, decided she needed to see someone to talk with, she needed to process everything she had been through and even if people might have wished she’d talk to them, she found a psychologist that worked for her.

Of course her PTSD work against her every day, there are small things that can get her to freeze, the sound of glass breaking, loud banging, a door slamming and things like that. Things that take her back to what happened and make her re-live it again.

She blames herself a lot for what happened because if she could have been better, if she could have done more, maybe it wouldn’t have happened, maybe she and Daniel actually could have been happy. These thoughts are something that brings her down every day and even if people repeat over and over again that it wasn’t her fault, she will always think so, that’s always what he said.

Before she got medication and a proper diagnose on paper, she used alcohol to self medicate, which wasn’t good in the long run, even if alcohol calms her down and she can drink a lot of it, she only drinks when she knows she needs to be somewhere where many people are and have to spend a long period of time with them. When she got her medication though she actually listened and started taking it instead of using wine to make herself calm down and thankfully the medication worked out for her, it made her calmer, it made her be able to sleep which she couldn’t be more thankful for.

DEPRESSION:

DEPRESSION : a Medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.

Symptoms for Depression can weary between persons but I’ve chosen to list the symptoms that fit in for Tanya.

Feeling sad or having a depressed mood

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting

Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

Thoughts of death or suicide

Her depression started a year after she started to date Daniel, by then they were engaged and she started to realize that she wasn’t just feeling blue. She was actually starting to see that she was getting depressed. Not only had she limited contact with her friends and family which made her even more anxious about how things would turn out. Having someone in your life that constantly tells you that you’re not good enough make you low, it makes you feel like you’re not worth anything.

She loved painting, she studied the history of arts in school but as soon as she got together with Daniel that interest fell of things she enjoyed. It wasn’t worth it when she never found that thrill anymore. The canvases that was usually filled with flowers or bright colors was just filled with how she felt, dark, sad and it just didn’t make her feel any joy anymore.

Okay, so Tanya lost a lot of weight when she was together with him, he always had an ideal image on how she should look, pointed out what food habits she had and made her eat more healthy which caused her to almost stop eating completely. She struggled a lot with her weight and still does when she’s older. The real change from when she was younger is that when she got older she learned to handle it, she actually started to enjoy eating again and that’s thanks to Rosie.

Tanya is a lawyer and sadly this affected her work more and more, concentrating on her work got harder and harder and in the long run, she knew it wouldn’t work out, thankfully enough she works for her father’s company so he practically forced her to take a vacation, to gather her thoughts.

Thoughts of suicide began in her marriage and she was so very ashamed to admit that to anyone. Sometimes she held her breath under the water in the bathtub, sometimes she debated on swallowing extra many pills but she never went through with it, she wanted to spare everyone from that.

SUICIDE ATTEMPT:

SUICIDE: Death caused by self-directed injurious behavior with an intent to die as a result of the behavior.

Everyone show different symptoms of wanting attempt Suicide, i’ll list the one that fit in with Tanya.

Hopelessness: Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.

Sudden calmness: Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life.

Withdrawal: Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.

Making preparations: Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison.

Tanya after her marriage with Daniel started to get better, her medication helped, she talked with the people she needed but she still felt hopeless, she was so damaged by then she didn’t really feel a future for herself. She could feel herself getting calm at the feeling of not having to re-live the memories every day, the possibility that she could finally get some peace. She started to pull away from her friends and family, at least a little to make sure that she could do all preparations in peace.

She wrote up a will, divided all her money and every possession to make sure everyone would make it. Most money was divided between Donna, Rosie, and Sophie since they are the only persons she really has to share everything with. She packed her clothes, organized everything in boxes so no one would have to come to her apartment and take care of those things.

She wrote letters, a lot of them, especially for Sophie. One for every year, one for every moment she’d miss. There was one for her first heartbreak, her first true love, the first time she’d apply to college when she would get married when she had her first child. She wrote one for every single moment, giving her advice and expressed her love for the girl. Because even if Tanya had decided to end her life, she wanted Sophie to live her life to the fullest.

The last thing she did was to set up a college fund for Sophie, one where she placed over the appropriate sum of money so she could go wherever she wanted. That was most important for her, to make sure Sophie had the best future she could have.

When the day came, she had prepared everything, everything was laid out, drink in hand, notes tucked away on her bed, gun on the table. It was by pure luck that her father decided to pop in unannounced that night, saving her from that fate and got her proper help.

ANXIETY:

ANXIETY: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

People have different symptoms of anxiety, I’ve chosen to list the one that fit in with Tanya.

Rapid breathing

Rapid heart rate

Difficulty focusing or thinking clearly about anything other than the thing you’re worried about

Feeling hot or cold

Sensation of choking

Shaking or trembling

Like you might understand all of this leads up to a lot of anxiety for Tanya, she prefers to keep her feelings to herself, especially knowing how much it would hurt the people around her to discover how she had been feeling.

Her doctor got her prescriptions for sedatives and Xanax which she prefers to not use but she still carries them around in her bag if she ever would need them. Even if she mostly can keep her anxiety in line, she gets caught by surprise by it often, especially when she had a long day and things just remind her of Daniel. It can be a smell or a sound that causes her to react and have an anxiety attack.

She has told Donna and Rosie about her anxiety so they know when she needs to be alone for a while or just take a long walk when they aren’t around and they come back and can’t find her.

She has found ways to make sure her anxiety doesn’t blossom to a panic attack, painting actually become a hobby of hers again when she got the right medication and could start focusing on the things she loved to do again. Painting made calmer and she could just relax for a while. Singing makes her incredibly happy, dancing even more so. She could find happiness in life again, happiness that she could deal with even if she went through trauma.

#* 🍷◞ ‹ SHE WEARS A DISGUISE. ⑊ HEADCANON. ›#tw ptsd #tw depression #tw anxeity #tw domestic abuse #tw suicude attempt #tw suicude #tw miscarrige

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lawofavgs · 6 years

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The Sacrifices We Make - Chapter 2

A/N: Holy cow, the responses to the first chapter put such a smile on my face! Enjoy the latest chapter!

Chapter 1

“You’re Brian Fraser.”

He offered up a small smile, kind and reassuring. “Aye, that’s me. And who might you be?”

My first time through the stones, once I realized what had happened, I had done my level best not to reveal my secret. I found out information on my own and relied on things I had learned from Frank and Uncle Lamb to blend in as best I could. I had known what the consequences would be should I tell anybody the truth of my circumstances. The one time I tried to get too creative, trying to bluff Black Jack Randall by saying I was also a spy of Sandringham’s, I had gotten myself into a much deeper mess.

Perhaps it was the overwhelming fatigue, or the hormones from my pregnancy. Most likely, it was a result of seeing Brian Fraser, the grandfather and namesake of my future child, the person who had raised my lost husband to be the great man he became. Whatever the reason, careless words bubbled up in my throat and tumbled out past my lips before I had a chance to think it through.

“What year is this?”

His hazel eyes widened slightly, a flash of shock showing on his face before he schooled his features into that blasted Fraser mask his son had clearly inherited. “The year? Why, it’s Seventeen Hundred and Forty. Are ye well, lass?”

1740. I swayed on my feet slightly as the year registered in my mind. The year of Brian Fraser’s death. The year Black Jack Randall came into Jamie’s life and did all in his power to destroy it. The small amount of bannocks sitting in my stomach nearly made a reappearance. My heart broke again as I thought of all that Jamie had sacrificed for me and our child. His whole life, he gave every part of himself for the people he loved, and where did it get him? An early grave on a Godforsaken moor in a doomed war.

In that instant, I knew what I had to do. The risks, the consequences, all of it made little difference to me. For all that he had done for me; I was going to repay the debt.

And damn my heart and soul in the process.

In that moment, all the sadness and grief washed away in a soothing ebb of warmth. Perhaps I would never get back to the 20th century. Perhaps I would never raise my child with a loving father in a safe environment, but all that mattered in the situation I found myself in was saving Jamie, sparing him a shortened life of torment and loss.

My voice came out stronger than I thought it would as I met Brian’s gaze. “I know this is going to sound mad, and I don’t know how I can make you believe me, but I need you to listen to me. Every word. I’m a close friend of your family. Or rather, I will be. You see, I’m from the future.”

There was a beat of bewilderment before his tone turned sympathetic. “Ach, lass, I fear ye’ve been out in the elements too long. Ye’re tired, hungry. Come, we’ll fetch ye something to eat from the main house. My daughter is a few years younger than you, she may be able to find you something clean to wear.”

“Your daughter Jenny, yes, I know her. Will know her. Damn it, please, listen,” I started with a slight panic. I needed him to believe me, to trust my story and heed my words. If I couldn’t get him to take that leap of faith, this would all be for naught. “You also have a son, Jamie, who’s two years younger than her. You met your wife Ellen at a Gathering at Castle Leoch. She was supposed to marry Malcolm Grant but she chose you instead. You both ran away, came here, and built Lallybroch.

“There-there’s a blade under your bed – 10th century Viking, five-lobbed pommel. Jamie has a carved wooden snake named Sawny, made for him by your eldest child, Willie. Willie passed away from small pox when he was eleven.”

Brian still didn’t seem convinced as I rambled on, not that I blamed him. Everything I told him so far were facts I could have gleaned from others. Nothing pointed to the conclusion that I was anything other than a raving lunatic, or perhaps a conman. Still, I pressed forward.

“What matters most is that you listen to what I have to say now. In October of this year, you will leave Lallybroch to attend a funeral. While you’re away, Redcoats will come for food and supplies. Two will try to attack Jenny, but Jamie will stop them. It’s that moment that will forever change your son’s life.”

Despite what sounded like the rantings of a mad woman, I still had Brian’s attention, so I continued the story. I told him how Randall will string Jamie up and beat him, how he’ll coerce Jenny to escort him inside in order to stop the assault on her brother (though, after a few blows, she would come to no further assault from Black Jack). I explained how Jamie would be charged with obstruction and held at Fort William, only to attempt escape with a bit of food and be sentenced to two hundred lashes.

Here, I got to the point in the tale where Brian would witness his son’s second round of flogging. Once, years ago, I told Randall the date of his death, and experienced a sense of dark pleasure at the shock and fear that lit across his face. The emotion I felt now, foretelling my father-in-law’s untimely demise, was the polar opposite. Even with his obvious doubts, Brian’s face paled slightly at my words, at hearing he would die witnessing his son being flogged near to death.”

“He will manage to escape Fort William after that, with the help of kin, but he’ll be forced to live as an outlaw. He will not be able to come back to Lallybroch, take his place as Laird, see his sister, or even live as a Fraser. The Mackenzies will give him shelter, but he’ll be forced to answer to a false name to protect himself from the price on his head – for a murder he didn’t commit.”

“Please,” the once-strong voice shook slightly, “I dinna want to hear any more of this.”

“I’m sorry, but I must tell you. If you know what is to come, you can try to change it.” It wasn’t lost on me that simply knowing the future was not enough to fix the wrongs that would someday come to pass – a lesson I had learned the hard way several times. Still, this was my only chance to save both Jamie and his father. As difficult as the words were to say, I told him about Wentworth, the black mark Randall would make on Jamie’s soul. The rest was explained quickly and vaguely, always leaving my role in Jamie’s life out of the story.

“You’ve raised an amazing man, Mr. Fraser. I know this is difficult to comprehend, but you can save him from the pain he is going to endure. You can save your own life, as well.”

The man remained silent, searching my face for any hint of dishonesty, perhaps a sign of insanity. “How? How is this possible? How could ye have come here from the future? Are ye a witch?”

“No,” I sighed, so used to that question by now. “I still don’t know how this works, to be honest. I was just a normal person who accidentally touched a standing stone at Craigh Na Dun, which led me to this time. I’m not a witch, or a fairy, though some have taken to calling me a White Lady.”

“I…I dinna ken what to make of all of this.”

“I’m sure right now it all seems implausible. All I ask is that when October comes and you’re called away to a funeral, don’t go. Send Jamie instead. Keep Jenny out of sight when the Redcoats come, and don’t impede them when they take what is yours.”

He inhaled a deep breath, holding it for a few beats before releasing it slowly. Despite being a bastard, I knew his upbringing at Beaufort Castle afforded him an education. I only prayed he would be learned enough to accept what I had just told him. At the very least, to keep an open mind until he’s told of the funeral several months from now.

“I’m afraid to ask this but…is that all? Is there more to the prophecy ye’re telling me?” There was a vague hint of humour in his tone and I smiled sadly.

“Unfortunately, yes, there’s more. There’s to be a Jacobite uprising in 1745. Don’t join the cause. It’s doomed, and nothing can be done to change that. Believe me, I know. Instead, prepare for the aftermath. Plant potatoes. Store as much food as you can. Hide any valuables you don’t want to see stolen by the English. Sell any unprofitable land and prepare for a stretch of hard years that will see your Highland culture stripped from you. It will be extremely difficult, but I know how strong you Frasers are. And how stubborn.”

“How?” Off my questioning look, he continued. “How do you know my family?”

For what felt like the first time since the conversation began, I paused to choose my words carefully. “I met your son through the Mackenizes, and was later introduced to your daughter. They’ve always been good to me, and if there was anything I could do to help them, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

The silence stretched as Brian digested my words, turned them over in his head and tried to wrap his mind around the impossible. I finally managed a deep enough breath to smell the familiar scent of farmland and heather, so linked in my mind to the place I had called home.

“I’m not sure if I believe you.” I felt my heart sink at his words. “But…but I will not ignore your warning. Should there be a reason to leave Lallybroch in October, I promise to send young Jamie in my stead. And if an army is roused to support the Stuarts in 1745, I will keep my family and my tenants out of the stramash. Ye have my word.”

All at once, I felt the tension drain out of me. This could work. This would work. Brian would use this information to protect his son. Jamie would have the life he had always deserved. The Frasers would survive the Rising, together and strong.

“Come,” Brian said, gesturing to the manor behind him. “We’ll get some food in yer belly and a warm bed to sleep in.”

I remembered Jamie’s words to me as I begged him to come through the stones with me.

Even if I could go back through the stones, it’s not my place.

This was not my place. Not now, not anymore.

“Thank you, but I cannot stay. I must go back to Craigh Na Dun, back to the standing stones.” Brian’s eyebrows shot up. After a moment, he nodded his head once, decidedly.

“Aye, if ye wish. I shall accompany you there.” Before I could protest, he raised his hand. “If all ye said is true, then I owe you my life as well as the soul of my son. This is the least I could do to repay you.”

Too tired and not foolish enough to refuse an escort back, I merely smiled. It felt as though I had been drained of everything; all the pain, fear, and hurt that had taken up residence in my soul. All that was left was a calm, if empty, peace.

The ride back to the fairy hill was mostly quiet, peppered with a few queries from Brian as to the future. I didn’t want to reveal too much, lest my interference change some of the good along with the bad. I assured him that Jenny was - would be - happy and healthy and well-loved, and that despite all Jamie had suffered through, he was still a great man. I reiterated the need to prepare for the aftermath of Bonnie Prince Charlie’s doomed cause, in order to see those who relied on him safe through the hard years of famine and oppression. I also revealed facts about myself, albeit hesitantly. Vague things such as the fact that I was a healer, that my parents had died when I was young and I had been raised by my uncle. I purposefully left out that I was pregnant, and that I had left a husband on the other side of the stones - twice. I didn’t even reveal my name, simply mentioning that someone very dear to me referred to me as “Sassenach”. He barked out a laugh, and I assured him it was said with the utmost affection.

As we crested the hill and were greeted with the sight of the stone circle, I felt a sense of the unknown drape around my shoulders. I had always been relatively sure that laying my hands upon the magical mystery before me would return me to the 20th century. Now, I had no way of knowing where they would take me.

For a long time, I stared at the top of the hill, awaiting some sort of sign as to my fate. So lost in my contemplation, I nearly missed Brian’s question. “Do ye have a place to go?”

A place to go. Like I was boarding a ship and sailing across the ocean to a different country rather than a different time. I had no answer to give, not an honest one at least.

“If ye need shelter, ye’ll come back to Lallybroch.” It was closer to a command than a request or an offer. I looked over the man, and even in the short time I’d spent with him, I saw all the qualities Jamie and Jenny spoke of so fondly. I saw the man who would so largely shape their lives long after he was gone. If this worked, they would be given more time with him. He would hopefully be able to see the birth of his first grandchild.

“Thank you,” I said with no shortage of emotion vibrating through my speech. “Take care of them.”

“Always. Safe journeys to ye, Sassenach.”

I smiled, the tears nearly spilling as I turned to make my way up the fairy hill. With a sort of detachment, I wondered if this was to be the fate of Jamie and me. We could live, we could be safe, but we must be apart. Perhaps the 20th century really did await me on the other side of the stones this time.

The sound of the buzzing and the magnetic pull washed over me as I was guided to the stones by some unseen current. I raised my hands as my steps took me forward slowly but surely until my fingertips felt a recognizable coolness and the world went black.

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