#at least this nerd also gets to benefit from the spoils

[mixelation]

starting a new thread for reborn au from this one

the beginning of the exam :)

Deidara woke up in a surprisingly good mood. The start of the exam meant he’d have an opportunity to do something with all his pent up energy. Set some fires, blow up some things. It could be fun, even if Iwa was annoying them. 

His mood was immediately ruined by one of the Taki genin hogging their bathroom, and then by the front desk still denying them weapons. 

“You don’t need them for the first stage,” the Iwa-nin insisted. “If you pass, you’ll be given weapons at the beginning of the next stage.”

Kushina’s fist clenched, and a few strands of hair twitched. Deidara would pay money to see her go full Red Hot Habanero on this guy. 

“We were promised them at the start of the exam,” she insisted. “We were invited here as a show of good will. Why are you discriminating against my team?”

The Iwa-nin just held her gaze. “I’m just doing as I’m told, ma’am.”

Typical Iwa-nin. Not a creative or unique thought in his head. Deidara didn’t remember this guy, but he hated him. 

Unfortunately, Tori stepped in before Kushina could lose her temper. “When’s the next stage?”

“When the first stage ends,” the Iwa-nin replied. 

“But where do we go? Will someone find us?” Tori pressed. 

Deidara zoned out as she needled him. One of the benefits of having nerds like Tori and Itachi on his team was that they could worry about all the boring details. 

Breakfast was a lot of fruit, which at least looked decent, along with some salted meat and very hard bread. They also had pine needle tea out, which Deidara poured himself an extra large cup of. 

Kushina was already wandering over to the Kiri duo before Tori had finished pouring her own tea, and Tori made an annoyed little hum at the back of her throat. 

“I thought you wanted to be friends?” Deidara teased. 

“I think he’s… too friendly,” Tori bemoaned. “Oh well.”

“Okay,” Deidara announced conspiratorially as he set his tray down next to Mangetsu’s. “First stage they told us we don’t need weapons, so it’s probably combat-free. But second stage… I say we get rid of the idiots hogging our bathroom, yeah.”

Mangetsu laughed. “Deal,” he said, showing off his horrid pointed teeth. 

A group of Iwa-nin took them back up to the same building where they’d done their security check. They were then left in a waiting area as Iwa genin slowly filtered in in pairs and trios. Both Kushina and Kisame disappeared at some point, but Deidara barely noticed because he was fixated on one genin in particular. 

Kurotsuchi, granddaughter of Oonoki and next in line to inherit his title, was in this exam. She sat perched on the back of one of the few chairs scattered around the room, chatting with two other Iwa-nin that Deidara assumed was her team. He didn’t recognize either of them; they were both in their mid-teens, and Deidara assumed they were assigned specifically to fill in Kurotsuchi’s team. 

Deidara had liked Kurotsuchi, before. She was a chill person who thought his art was cool even if she never really got it, and she was willing to get him out of trouble when he “disobeyed orders” and “broke important rules.”

She was also an incredibly spoiled little thing. She hadn’t gone to the Academy with the plebians; she’d been trained from birth by private tutors. She’d always had everything handed to her, never having to do her own chores or take shitty D-ranks. Deidara hadn’t even been on her radar until he’d made Jounin and had his own reputation in the village, so he hadn’t met her until they were both teenagers. 

Kurotsuchi had once confessed to him that she used to look down on other shinobi, who didn’t grow up with all the special training she did. She hadn’t realized it didn’t make her special or better until she was a chunin and was running missions with shinobi that were just as good if not more skilled than her. He didn’t know what she’d be like as an eleven-year-old; he suspected he wouldn’t like her. 

He didn’t think she’d be much to worry about, in terms of the exam. Kurotsuchi was talented and well-trained, which would make her a standout among a more normal group of shinobi, but she wasn’t the screaming genius he or Itachi were. Tori might have to be careful, but… 

“What?” Itachi asked, following his gaze. “Ah.”

Deidara thought about hitting him. No way he recognized her; he had to just be pretending to preserve how smart he was. 

“Oh!” Tori exclaimed, like she also recognized her. 

“Who is that?” Mangetsu asked, dropping his voice. Like they would just tell him–

“She’s the Tsuchikage’s granddaughter,” Tori supplied. Mangetsu blinked at her in surprise.

Goddammit, Tori, Deidara thought. 

Tori turned to Deidara curiously. “Do you think she’ll be a problem?”

“I’m not an Iwa expert,” Deidara snapped in a bid to maintain his cover, but Itachi just raised his eyebrows at him like he was stupid. Which he wasn’t– he just had a cover story to stick to, why did Itachi have to– ugh! “Look, Iwa’s not like Konoha or Kiri. Tsuchikage is a hereditary title. They all expect her to be the next one; they’ll have given her all sorts of special training, regardless of how talented she is or isn’t, yeah.”

“Oooh,” Mangetsu said, turning to give her another one-over. He then much more subtly watched Tori out of the corner of his eye for a reaction. 

Tori did not seem to notice, scanning the room and taking in the other entrants. Deidara was easily the youngest person here. Most people were in the range of fourteen to sixteen, which reflected the average age of promotion at fifteen. There weren’t any adults; if you got into your late teens and wanted a chunin promotion, you basically had to do it within your village’s internal mechanisms. The exams were for showing off new, young people. 

Mangetsu pouted. 

Eventually they were funneled into a line, at the end of which a bored looking Iwa chunin handed each one of them a form. 

“It’s a liability waiver,” he said. “All exams have them. Don’t worry, it’s basic stuff.”

Tori, ex-secretary extraordinaire, became the first person in line to attempt to read the three page document of tiny text. 

“Could you hurry up?” the chunin asked. “You’re holding up the line.”

“You cannot honestly expect me to sign something I haven’t read,” Tori replied. 

Next to her, Itachi’s eyes flickered red as he flipped through the pages. 

“It’s fine,” he concluded. “Tori, you can sign it.”

“Well,” Tori said, sounding annoyed, “can I get a copy for my records?”

“No,” the Iwa-nin replied flatly as Mangetsu snorted with laughter. “Sign it now or forfeit your exam.”

Tori signed it, although she looked incredibly unhappy about it. 

“If a ninja tells you not to worry, you should worry,” Tori grumbled as another chunin directed them down a hallway. 

“I read it, it’s fine,” Itachi told her. “If you’re that upset, I can recite it to you.”

He only got through one line before they were being ushered into a small briefings room. Mangetsu, who’d been trailing behind them, was directed to a different one. Each of them were handed a thin, short scroll, the kind you could tie to an animal or swallow in an emergency. Each was capped with a different color. 

“Spread out,” one of the three chunin in their room commanded. They complied. Well, Deidra stayed where he was; Itachi took several steps back from him, and Tori retreated all the way to a corner. “Open your scroll and memorize it. Do not say anything or communicate with your teammates.”

Deidara’s was a string of coordinates. Easy. 

“You will each follow one of us,” the chunin commanded after a few minutes. 

They separated them. 

Interesting, Deidara thought as he was led into an empty room. He was instructed to sit, and then the chunin tied his hands to the chair. Very interesting. 

“The first stage of this exam is traditionally an information gathering exercise,” the chunin told him, dead serious. “This year, we have elected to test your ability to keep the information you’ve gathered confidential. The waiver you signed authorized the use of torture.”

“It’s fine,” Deidara mocked Itachi in his mind. Asshole. 

“Okay,” Deidara said, grinning cheekily up at the proctor. “Bring it on, then.”

They didn’t actually torture him. Or, rather, they just left him alone for an hour and turned the AC up really high. He heard several muffled screams from both neighboring rooms, which would maybe freak some genin out. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone back for a second cup of tea… 

Eventually the guy came back and started asking Deidara questions. Deidara didn’t think this was a very good interrogation, and he gave a lot of smartass answers. The guy had a lightning jutsu he used for a few mild shocks, but it wasn’t really what Deidara would classify as torture. 

The proctor went away again. Deidara’s bladder situation was getting kind of dire… should he just escape, or would they count that as a fail? Decisions, decisions. 

Eventually, the proctor came back with a napkin in his hand. As he shut the door behind him, the screams next door got louder.

“Your teammate is on the brink of talking,” he said. “But I’ll give you a deal. If you talk, you’ll pass. No questions asked.”

Deidara cocked his head to the side. “Not really the point of this test, is it?” he asked. 

“Alright, I’ll explain,” the proctor said. “If none of you had talked, you would have passed. But…” 

He opened the napkin in his hand. It contained a bloody tooth. 

“The girl on your team got a more enthusiastic interrogator. She’s going to talk at any second, so you’re basically screwed,” He shoved the gross tooth under Deidara’s nose. “But I have a bet with her interrogator that I’d get you to talk first. Help me out, and I can convince my superior to let you into the next stage of the exam.”

Deidara leaned back in his seat so he could make eye contact with the chunin. 

“Is that all?” he asked. 

“Yes, that’s all you have to do to pass,” the interrogator confirmed. The screams next door kept going. 

“No,” Deidara said, letting a grin spread over his face. “Is that all you did to Tori? Because if it is, that’s not even close to enough to break her, yeah.”

He was pretty sure the streaming was on a loop, anyway. Kiddy shit, honestly. 

xXx

“The waiver you signed authorized the use of torture,” the proctor informed Itachi. 

“No, it didn’t,” Itachi replied. 

The waiver had been the standard rigamarole that Konoha couldn’t start a war over him being killed or maimed as part of regular exam activities, with the understanding that Iwa had a responsibility to his safety, health, and wellbeing outside of explicit exam activities, as well as a clause about Iwa not assigning unusually cruel or difficult tasks. It honestly was only a page’s worth of text; they’d shrunk the font and repeated it five times over for the illusion of length to deter examinees from reading it. 

Maybe he should have let Tori read it… oh well, she’d be fine. 

The proctor seemed unsure what to do with this statement, as he then just left. Rude. 

They started recordings of a lot of screams in neighboring rooms. Itachi’s nose itched. He slipped  a hand free of his restraints and scratched it, then replaced his hand. Sometime later his proctor returned. 

With a twitch of his fingers, the proctor was in his genjutsu and explaining the parameters of… whatever this was. 

“So an escape counts as a pass?” Itachi verified. 

“Yes.”

Itachi walked out of the room. 

xXx

“Oooh, the prisoner’s dilemma,” Tori said. “How fun. So we all pass if none of us say anything, but you’re going to tell me I’ll pass if I talk and my teammate’s don’t?”

The proctor looked vaguely taken aback. Just a little; Iwa-nin were pretty good at hiding their emotions. 

“How does this work for solo entrants?” Tori asked, wondering what they were making Mangetsu do right now. 

The proctor walked right out and left her for a very long time. The room got significantly colder, and the muffled screams got louder. Tori stretched out her legs in front of her and eyed her toe nails. She should have let Kushina paint them green… 

This was pretty uncomfortable. And boring. And twice the fake proctor came in and shocked her with a device in his hand, promising it would only get worse. Would other genin think this was torture? 

The proctor came back with a bloody tooth and said it was Deidara’s.  

Tori raised her eyebrows. “From which mouth?”

The proctor was struggling more and more to control his face. What a horrible fake interrogator.  “The one in his head.”

This obviously wasn’t Deidara’s tooth for several reasons, one of which being that the building was still standing, and the main one being that Tori was pretty sure that it wasn't even a real tooth. 

So how did she pass? She obviously wasn’t supposed to do what the interrogator wanted her to do and hand over the list of names she had, even as the interrogator promised she'd pass if she just talked before Deidara or Itachi as a favor to the proctor. Did she just have to hang out for a certain period of time, or give a speech about how she would never yield? The desk-nin said they’d get an hour break for lunch, and that someone would find them then and they’d have their weapons by the time the second stage started at noon, so they had to be done by eleven… 

“....no,” she said when the interrogator was done with his lie about winning a bet. Then much more firmly she repeated, “No.”

“Your teammate is going to break anyway,” he said, hilariously dire. 

“No, he’s not,” Tori replied. “And neither is Itachi, and neither am I. You’re wasting everyone’s time. Doesn’t the next stage start at noon?”

The Iwa-nin paused. He frowned.

“Who told you that?”

“I’m not supposed to talk,” Tori said, smiling benignly. 

A very pained look flashed across the proctor's face, and then he left. Around fifteen minutes later, a woman showed up to untie her and tell her passed. 

Tori was led into a cafeteria for their promised meal break, where Itachi found her immediately.

“You could have just escaped,” he told her. “I had to talk to Mangetsu for an hour without you.”

“Sorry?” Tori replied. 

“Tori!” Mangetsu yelled from a seat at one of the long tables in the room. He waved enthusiastically at her. 

“Sorry,” Tori repeated. 

Deidara showed up a few minutes later. Probably only about two-thirds the entrants had passed, and they were able to spread out over the tables. 

“What’s a normal pass rate?” Tori asked. “Is this high? It seems like that was too easy. Also, Mangetsu, what did they make you do?”

Mangetsu had no idea. They’d given him three scrolls and the spiel about having authorized torture, and then he’d just left. 

“Is the best way to avoid revealing info to just leave?” he said when Tori expressed surprise at how quickly he’d made this decision. 

“Gods,” Deidara said, craning his head back and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I should have just left, yeah. I almost pissed myself.” 

“Why didn’t you leave?” Itachi asked. “Surely you could escape a test meant for a genin. Or did you not think of it?”

Tori sighed and moved down one seat away from them as Deidara threw a punch at Itachi. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t currently have clay on him. 

[darling-blurbs]

Willow Thoughts

Just a bit of background on my tastes because they may contribute here. I am a fantasy nerd. I like reading fantasy books, playing rpgs that are fantasy, and watching fantasy is not a surprise. I love when authors make their own realm and such (I’m even making my own fantasy novel). But I hate how disney sorta ruins things sometimes. It’s like there is a disney touch where some characters you can feel the intention but it was poorly executed or not written well (maybe due to disney or otherwise.) This is sorta a critic while also that I want to talk about it. Other things I may think are gonna be with characters or plot point sections so ya. Just a big ramble/rant about it.

SPOILERS FOR WILLOW DISNEY PLUS BY THE WAY

First off, my initial thoughts. Aka how each character was introduced in the first episode. 

My least favorite was immediately Kit. I love her design and her looks but I knew immediately that she was going to be the stereotype of a spoiled princess who can do everything for herself. I don’t know if it was her tone, how she acted with literally anyone, or her judging Graydon when he didn’t even do anything yet but I said out loud ‘she better get smacked around or I swear.’ I knew she was gonna get in a relationship with Jade, which I’ll get to later, but I seriously did not like Kit. I don’t know if I liked her later but for now, these are just first episode thoughts.

I will admit, Elora got on my nerves. At first, I was a little annoyed that her reasoning was love when, according to the characters and setting, she knew Arik for a day and a half before they ‘committed’ to each other. Plus I hate the trope of being stubborn but having the most flimsy reason for it, as a stubborn person. At least with Kit I could see her reasoning, in the first episode at least and it was still small because the first time we are introduced to Kit and Arik’s relationship, it’s Kit basically being bratty so ya not the best but I will give benefit of the doubt. On top of that, Elora at no point knew what she wanted overall. She was told she was special and she stated she always wanted to be special and then said she didn’t. Bestie- Anyways

Jade didn’t give a lot of presence. I knew she was in love with Kit and I did like Jade but girlie pop. Your crush is so toxic for reals. But still, Jade was cool

Arik needed a hug. Oh my god. Everyone was against the poor guy from the start. His mother insulted him when he tried to help, his sister insulted him when he tried to help, his girlfriend (crush? Who knows) assumed things about him, hell I would be happy if he was evil. He had more of a reason to leave than anyone oh my lordy. 

Boorman didn’t have a ton of things in the first episode, that I remember, but I remember that I loved him throughout so. 

The love of my life I swear, Graydon Hastur. First episode specifically, He was great. You knew something was going on and he wanted so much to prove himself. He had so much potential but I will go into specifics soon. 

---

Now onto Characters themselves. As a writer and an actor myself, not the best I will say so take that with a grain of salt, I had a lot of opinions.

First with Kit, She didn’t seem to have depth. She had the disney touch so I will say she has a sorta pass but if Boorman, Graydon, and Jade weren’t balancing the group out, I would’ve stopped watching for her words alone. I skipped a ton of her scenes and then had to rewatch because I was like “wait what?” She picked apart everyone and if she was modern, I would even say she was racist in some bits. She also forgot many times that she forgave someone like Elora. I swear that she and Elora had a heart to heart every episode and then next one, they hated each other guts for some reason. She just blamed everyone except herself. I wish that they (the writers) would have made her confront that most things are either her fault or no one’s. Not Eloras. Like her father leaving was her father’s choice not Elora’s and she knew that. She even said it a ton but never believed it. It’s like if someone locked themselves in a cage and threw the key at someone and blamed that person cause they were holding the key. And even after they freed the person from the cage, the prisoner keeps blaming them like bestie. Half the situations you got yourself in. The ending also was so unsatisfactory. I feel like Kit could’ve been such a good character if she wasn’t given the disney touch. Like her design and actor are so pretty and I would have had a crush on her as a character if not the fact of how she treated literally everyone. She didn’t treat anyone ‘nice’ except at the literal end of the battle or after THEY apologized. 

Elora.. So ya her actor is pretty (love her omg) BUT Elora was not fleshed out either. Her reason for the quest was LOVE UNTIL THE END HUH. I’m gonna get into relationships later but seriously girl. On top of that, the disney touch, as I have dubbed it, really affected her. Because she could’ve been so fleshed out if her confidence was so high during all of it. Or at least existed. I do believe she was in love with Arik and if she continued to love him to the end, I would’ve been happier because than it’s her saving her future husband but no. We can’t have that type of girl boss apparently. On top of that, She was so stubborn about random things such as wanting the wand (I seriously assumed the Crone was manipulating her but no she was just spoiled for some reason lmao). She could’ve been so much cooler omg. Both her and Kit could’ve been my favorites if Disney simply gave the writers some freedom I feel. Because both characters have so many similar writing flaws. I think they are the only ones that needs to be written a bit better (mostly cause they are both the main characters). At the end, I honestly thought that Elora and Kit were gonna kiss despite Kit and Jade having a thing because there was a ton of tension but I digress. 

Jade went up and down and then up for me. She was very fleshed out and she stuck to her values EVEN when she realized she wasn’t what she thought she was. Like she only went down for me because of her on and off with Kit. I felt like she should’ve at least realized that Kit shouldn’t have treated her that way once but anyways. I love Jade. Even with the Disney changes such as the lack of killing things and how they barely used weapons like for hunting. Jade hunting for deer or something would be fire but that’s just disney. Love Jade and her actor and her design.

AIRK I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. HE DESERVED A HUG THROUGHOUT POOR BABY OR AT LEAST SOMETHING LIKE AN ANIMAL OR AN ABILITY. His actor did an amazing job and I felt he honestly wanted to date Elora throughout. Even when the Crone forced herself on him like he said no because he wanted to be the best for Elora. At least his morals stayed the same plus he is very pretty and I hope he has a bigger role if there is a Season 2 because I thought he was younger than Kit until he said he was older since Kit had to marry someone and Airk didn’t. Poor baby deserved better :( I wanna give him smooches and a hug. RIP HAIR THOUGH CAUSE OMG LONG HAIR MADE HIM PRETTY (both are pretty but long hair Airk pls one chance)

BOORMAN MY MAN MY PAL He made the tv show so much more worth watching jesus. Like everytime he was on screen, It was amazing. He was the MOST fleshed out character. His actor really gave it their all with him and his design and writing is also 10/10. I full on believe that he has a charm because I seriously wanted to kiss him silly or hit him. I don’t have a lot of thoughts on him other than HIM

Graydon Hastur is just. I love him. Anything for him tbh. I want him to just get a hug. I’ll talk more about him with his relationship with Elora BUT I seriously want him to know his worth. Because I don’t think he ever knew. Come on look at him with that animal. If I was with the group, I would have a crush on him right when he read the ancient language. Intelligence is attractive and they wrote him super well. 

Other mentions:

Willow: Didn’t give a lot despite the show being named AFTER HIM. I also feel like he wasn’t fleshed out or even written well. Most of the scenes he was in was more that he was giving advice that a book could tell the characters. Wasn’t the best example of the wise wizard trope but I digress. 

----

RELATIONSHIPS! 

For specifically Kit and Jade, I won’t go into it. I didn’t like it that much since Kit was very much a red flag but you know what, it’s disney. Plus both of them are pretty so I’ll give it a pass. 

Airk and Elora should’ve been together. I am kinda peeved that they decided “Ya you know that their will to live is each other but ya know what, they don’t wanna marry each other anymore” like what. I would prefer them be a power couple because it felt like this entire build up was for nothing. If they aren’t together, I want Airk to fall for someone who actually appreciates him then and Elora not date anyone. She don’t need no man typa thing. 

Elora and Graydon better not end up together. Like I felt like Graydon falling for her was gonna happen but I didn’t know Elora was gonna not want to marry Airk. Both Elora and Graydon are too not compatible to date. For starters, that would make Graydon a rebound at best and a fling at worse. Elora has never shown interest in him or even cared about him other than in friendship. Plus, Graydon needs someone who also would love him throughout time instead of Elora who doesn’t know what she wants. Like I want Graydon to be at least confident in himself because I feel he likes Elora because he knew Jade and Kit were together so he went with the only girl who shared him kindness (not that Jade or Kit did that). 

Honestly, Graydon and Boorman I shipped. I had to check ages. Graydon is 21-22 and Boorman is mid-30s. But I feel like they could’ve played off of each other really well if Boorman wasn’t so self-absorbed and Graydon had confidence because they are just so iconic. Their banter could’ve been so good. The timid dorky wizard and the flirty tall ‘robber’. Plus my two favorite characters? Please. Want to see more of them, platonic or romantic I do not care lmao

--

But ya watch Willow Disney Plus. The fact I am ranting about this means I liked it lmao. It’s one of Disney better shows in my opinion. Yes they did fudge up a bit but its disney. Probably gonna do a rewrite in wattpad or tumblr. I want Graydon x readers or at least Airk x reader please D:

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21.5

Hello my lovelies! I hope you guys are doing... ok? 2020 been a shitty year for all of us, so it’s ok if you aren’t ok. Just keep on keeping on. Last week was an awful week for me, which is why this episode didn’t get posted then. But I think it works out, because this episode is better than it was last week. So win win.

Also, I am HORRIBLE at remembering to thank the amazing people that help me beta this story. At least publically. So thank you to @nomadicpixel​ @heather-lynn​ @mrs-captain-evans​ and @alievans007​ for their continued support for this story.

One last thing, I’m using my new tag list for this episode. So if you used to be tagged for these and you aren’t anymore but you want to be, let me know and I’ll add you to the new tag list.

♥ Becca ♥

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in July 2014 and features Chris trying to decide to text Ellie on her birthday or not.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 21

Episode 21.5: To Text or Not to Text

July 17-18, 2014

Chris was on his way to the studio when the calendar on his phone alerted him to the fact that it was Ellie's birthday. With a busy day ahead of him, never mind the time difference, he ignored it.

Or tried to.

During his breaks in filming, he found his mind going back to Ellie and how they had celebrated her birthday last year. That night he'd seen her in a new light. And not in the cliché girl next door wears a pretty dress way; he'd already known she was pretty. That was obvious, just by looking at her.

But until that night, they hadn’t spent a lot of time together without the chaos of his family around. He’d realized Ellie was a woman who was simply herself and didn't want to be anyone else. A rare trait to find amongst the women he'd met in Los Angeles. It had made him want to get to know her even better.

One moment that stood out to him the most was when the paparazzi had spoiled their evening out. Instead of seeking attention or even getting upset, Ellie had taken it all in stride and they'd ended up having a fun night back at the house with Scott and Izzy playing Cards Against Humanity. He knew that their siblings would have rather been out dancing, but they had been celebrating Ellie's birthday and she'd been happy with the way the night had gone. That was all that had mattered.

Which made him wonder. Was there anything he could do this year that would make her happy? He doubted it.

Except maybe die a slow and painful death, his cynical mind offered.

Chris shook his head; despite her feelings about him at the moment, he knew she wouldn’t want him dead. If only because of how it would affect his family.

But regardless, he wasn’t even sure what he’d say to Ellie if he decided to text her.

I know I’ve ignored you for 3 months but happy birthday.

He was sure it would read even dumber than it sounded in his head. Which was why during his lunch break, he'd stared at the row with her name on it in his messages app but hadn't been able to open the string of texts. In the end, he'd locked his phone and went to have lunch with his co-stars and friends.

Now it was the end of his very full day, or rather, the early hours of the next day. But, with the time difference, it was still Ellie’s birthday in LA.

Chris had accepted Robert’s invitation for a late dinner then had gone to a pub with some of the others and only now was back in his rental. He’d been able to divert his attention in the afternoon regarding Ellie, but now that he was alone again it all came flooding back to him.

To text or not to text. That was the question.

He'd had plenty to drink that evening; enough that he was seriously tempted to let his thumbs do the talking. And yet, that sense of doubt lingered in his head about the whole situation. Clearly, he was sober enough to think rationally.

As he was debating what to do, his phone dinged, alerting him to a text message from his brother. Cautiously, Chris opened the text, unsure of what he was going to find.

I won't bug you about Ellie anymore

Chris set his phone down and rubbed his eyes before he picked it up and read Scott's text again, but it hadn’t changed. His brother had been bugging him about Ellie since April, even ignoring Chris's request to drop the subject.

"So why the sudden fucking change?" Chris muttered to himself as he studied his phone.

As he stared at it, another text from Scott appeared.

It's probably too late for you guys anyway

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Chris demanded, aloud.

The logical side of his brain screamed that it was a trap. That Scott was trying to use reverse psychology on him in another attempt to get Chris to talk to Ellie.

But what if he wasn't?

Chris wasn't sure if the feeling in his gut was unease or a sign that his dinner and drinks after weren’t sitting well. He wanted to believe it was the second, but he couldn't lie to himself, he'd been feeling uneasy all day.

He remembered how disappointed he'd felt on his birthday when Ellie hadn't reached out to him. At the same time, he couldn't blame her for not reaching out after the way he'd left town. He wished he could go back and do it all over again but differently. To tell her he needed space, that he needed time to think.

"It's probably too late for you guys anyway," he heard Scott taunt in his head.

Was it too late? Had she moved on? Or had she just given up on him? Or did she think he'd given up on her?

That last thought made him frown. Had he given up on her? He supposed he had. He'd abandoned her and their relationship. He knew he'd hurt her, even though that hadn't been his intention. His brother hadn't held back when telling him in aggravating detail just how he'd fucked up Ellie's life.

Shaking his head, Chris locked his phone and plugged it into his charger. While he wasn't drunk, he wasn't sober enough to deal with anything right now. The last thing he wanted to cause Ellie was more pain, especially on her birthday. He couldn't see how texting her after three months of silence would do anything good for either of them.

Besides, who would benefit from the message? It might make him feel better and ease his conscience for the way he'd walked away, but at what cost? He knew Scott would be doing everything in his power to make sure Ellie had a good birthday. What right did he have to interrupt a special day to lessen his guilt?

Episode 22

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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[artemissarrows]

SOTUS The Series: Patriarchy & Queerness As Redemption

Okay, it’s been a little bit! But I have certainly been consuming a lot of queer content I need to discuss. First up is SOTUS The Series! It’s a Thai boy love (BL) show about an engineeing college that has a super-intense hazing culture. One of the freshman (Kongpob/Kong for short) stands up to the hazers who make them do endless squats and such….and ends up falling in love with the head hazer (Arthrit). It’s a romcom so you probably know where this is going.

I *hope* this goes without saying, but HAZING IS NOT OK and should not be lifted up as a normal part of a university experience. It is abuse, full-stop. One of the yuckiest things about the show for me is how the administration is totally and completely fine with it. People who are invested in the hazing culture (and, frankly, the showrunners) try to make the case that it teaches teamwork and problem-solving and stuff like that. Not really! More importantly, it’s incredibly damaging to participants and there are a lot less harmful ways to teach those lessons, if they’re really so important.

We could just leave it there--on a surface level, it’s honestly pretty enjoyable. The two leads have pretty solid chemistry and are quite believable (at least until the very end, when they’re equally as awkard three years on. But as my partner Mx. Arrows pointed out, they are painfully awkward engineer nerds on top of everything else, so maybe that’s actually realistic. Anyway.) It’s funny. It’s heartwarming. It’s gayyyyy. The supporting friend characters are also kind of fun and I like them.

But there are some other noteworthy things going on here that I’m interested in teasing apart, and which I’m not entirely sure the show intended. Let’s do that! Lots of spoilers after the cut (but again, it’s a romcom, there’s only so many things that can be spoiled). Note that I have only watched Season 1, I know there’s another season.

It’s about the patriarchy.

The more I thought about it, the more it seems reasonable to see the SOTUS (hazing) system as a useful dramatization of the patriarchy. When I say “the patriarchy,” I mean a system of dominance that gives men power over women; SOTUS also privileges older people over younger, straight people over queer people, etc.etc.. Here are some of the ways that we can see this system of dominance playing out in the structure of the hazing system:

The SOTUS system is run by men, exclusively. There are 6 or 7 head hazers, and they are all men

They belittle, berate, and punish their younger charges for doing things like looking the wrong way, singing slightly out of tune, or questioning their authority to mete out dubious punishments for nothing at all

It’s quasi-military, with uniforms for both the hazers and the freshman, and endless drills and the blind loyalty and authority that comes with military order

Women who are not freshman are present in the second tier of hazers, beyond the men. They are ancillary to the men, and their helpers. In particular they are the medics: they ensure that the hazers can assign their punishments etc. while also ensuring that it doesn’t get too out of hand and that no one gets hurt too badly. Without their assistance, the men could not do what they do, and could not enforce this system.

The head hazer, Arthrit, also uses sexism and homophobia as weapons to enforce control and order. Of course, he’s aware that the structure of SOTUS is headed by men. But he also taunts the freshmen in these ways too. At the beginning of the year, the hazers demand that the freshmen fill books with upperclass students’ signatures. In exchange for his signature, Arthrit demands that May, a female student who asks him, give him her number and take her picture. She’s clearly uncomfortable with the interaction; it happens in the lunchroom and she’s one woman who’s the object of the male gaze of 6 or 7 seniors. In that same scene, Arthrit also harasses Kong in a homophobic way. Again to get his siguature, he forces Kong to shout “I like guys!” three times loudly, and then to ask something like 10 male students if they’ll be his boyfriend. (He then doesn’t give his signature.) Mind you, this is something like day 2 or 3 of school in the show.

Arthrit is one repressed dude. More on that later.

It’s Also About Cycles Of Abuse

We’ve established that the SOTUS is all about dominance and control based on gender and other heirarchies--but that’s just the system in one particular point. What happens to this system over time? That’s where we get into cycles of abuse, and how SOTUS harms not just the freshmen who are on the receiving end of the abuse, but also harms the hazers themselves. Let’s look at Arthrit, the head hazer/one-half of the lead couple.

He’s an extremely homophobic and self-hating gay, at least to start with. Per above, he actively promulgates homophobia. He’s also deeply uncomfortable with expressing affection toward men, and Kongpob in partiuclar--though apparently fine with grabbing Kongpob’s shirt when Kongpob stands up to him during a hazing session. When they share their first kiss after Arthrit finally confesses his feelings, Kong tries to hold his arm and hand and he keeps shoving him off. Then they go on another date, where they meet a fellow student at the movies and Arthrit lies and says it’s not a date. (This is not the first not-not date they’ve been on together...this is not at all relatable. Not at all ^_^) Anyway, it takes him and painful time to do that.

He is a seriously repressed and emotionally stunted person, and being the head hazer is a major part of why. As head hazer, he berates the freshman, he enforces order, he snaps at them, he plays games where he makes them humiliate themselves for his attention and benefit. He is comfortable ordering people around. But when it comes to being in touch with his own feelings, he’s hopeless. It takes him forever to realize he has feelings for Kong. He’s deeply confused about it, up to the very second he kisses him. His friend Knott literally has to tell him to talk through difficulties with Kong and not let them stew. He spends most of the show running away from Kong, hiding from Kong, or otherwise finding ways to not open up to him. It would be funny, if it weren’t deeply sad.

Friends, this is classic toxic masculinity. At least his friend Knott has his head on straight and gives some decent advice.

I honestly get the sense that Arthrit is a quiet, introverted, and smart guy, who felt like he was forced by duty to become the head hazer, the one everyone looks up to. Even when he’s with his hazing friends, he seems aloof, apart, and alone. But guess what: he made that choice himself! When he’s sick--because he ran 54 LAPS IN A DAY for a hazing challenge--we see that he’s into comic books, and action figures. We learn that he also gets good grades, so is obviously smart. And even when he talks to his friend--the former head hazer who recruited him--about his feelings for Kong, his friend tells him, “be tough.” (His friend also implies that he hasn’t dated much...no surprise there.) Sigh.

Are we meant to envy Arthrit, feel sorry for him, or both? He’s at the top of the social structure of the school, but he doesn’t seems particularly contented, and in fact seems disconnected. He’s the person who seems to have it all, but has nothing. I’m somewhat curious if others share this reading of him as a discontented bully who longs for human connection.

We can also think about the succession of the head hazers, and how the head hazer before Arthrit chose him, and how Arthrit chose Kong. The one before Arthrit chose him because when he punished Arthrit for speaking out by telling him to greet a banyan tree for three whole hours, Arthrit did it. Then Arthrit chooses Kong because he speaks out and heckles Arthrit. It’s super interesting to me, but I think the thing is to identify people who have strong enough feelings about the system--and care enough--that speak out and therefore demonstrate leadership skills. They then turn those feelings of rebellion back into the system and coopt them. Toward the end of the show Kong starts to feel more invested in the hazing system and I was hoping that he would try to reform it; he doesn’t seem to that much. Kong says that he likes the teamwork and problem-solving aspects of hazing; he could do those things as head hazer and take the abuse out, but he doesn’t. Cooptation.

It’s Also About The Redemptive Power Of Queerness And Queer Love

This says it all.

They’re at a party, and someone asks Arthrit if he and Kong are dating. He says, “so what?” and throws his arm around Kong’s shoulder--and Kong seems pleasantly surprised that he’s able to do this publicly. This is just ugh, so beautiful, and Krist/Arthrit acts it so incredibly well. It’s truly the first time we see Arthrit truly, hugely, bashfully smile, in the whole show. It’s always been a sardonic smile, or a joke at someone else’s expense. But here, he’s just experiencing happiness and joy, even if he’s still quite shy about it and can’t look people in the eye while he hangs his arm over Kong’s shoulder. Queerness as redemption is a trope I wish would become a thing!!

PS, here are some screenshots of Arthrit making fun of Kong’s food habits. Enjoy the fluff <3

[flying-elliska]

You said it feels cool to have a specific identity but isn't that exactly why we are seen as the special snowflake generation? Not to mention wasn't the whole point to be free from stereotypes and dress however we want, love whoever we want etc? And yet there's now so many identities, labels, flags which create an implicit pressure to define yourself so you'll be included. Idk I think your french friends are right,it still feels like we're pushing people into boxes; they're just woke boxes now.

Hey anon ! Thank you for this very interesting question. I hope you’re ok with getting a mini-essay as a response (that’s kind of my brand now lmao)

So first of all, if you don’t feel like you personally need labels, you are totally valid. And so are my friends. I think you have to find out what you’re most comfortable with. It’s true that labels can be used to exclude, esp in the LGBTQ+ communities. I think we focus our activism a little bit too much on words and online stuff and media representation nowadays, as opposed to practical political action, and that’s an issue. And we focus too much on people not having the correct, latest approved terminology and labels as a way to show you’re a good person, as opposed to what people are actually doing and their lived experiences, and who is authorized to use what label and those debates often just exasperate me to the highest point. It’s like, don’t you have anything better to do ? It becomes very clique-ish, school courtyard drama at times. There should always be a place for questioning, fluidity, no labels, a place for discovery and uncertainty, shifting identifications, multiple labels at once, words changing, and questioning what place they take in our lives.

But, on the whole, I still like my labels, and I’m going to try and explain why. 

Labels are words right ? They have the benefits and drawbacks of words. A rose under any other name would still smell as sweet, of course. But we are a fundamentally social species, and words are a way to create bridges between people, between our experiences. It signals that you are not alone ; it’s a way to make visible things that are usually invalidated, ostracized or just plain erased by the mainstream and the status quo. The development of a vocabulary for the queer community was what made their political struggle and pride possible ; before it was “the love that dare not speak it name”, all euphemisms and shame. It honors, too, the struggle of those who came before us ; it places us in the continuity of a history ; it says we have been here before, it gives us memory and context. Of course words are going to betray us, because they can never retranscribe the fullness, complexity and confusion of lived experience. But they’re a conversation starter ; they bring people together ; they create spaces of freedom. 

I’m going to give you a personal example : a few years ago I fell in love with a girl for the first time ; after that I seriously started thinking of myself as bisexual. There had always been a thing there but because I had been mostly attracted to boys before, I’d swept it under the rug. But finding the ‘bisexual’ label made me realize - no this is a thing, this is valid, and it made me look back at all those instances in the past of having weirdly intense feelings for some of my girl friends, of being obsessed with certain actresses, etc…that back then I didn’t understand, I just thought I was weird…and I always thought that bisexuality was something that something Hollywood starlets did for attention. But finding a community behind that word that was seeking to reclaim it from the stereotypes and being proud about what it meant, it was so healing.

 After that I immersed myself more in my local LGBTQ+ community ; and in particular I volunteered for the European Bisexual Convention - that one in particular was incredible because it felt so…liberating. In the general LGBTQ community, people expect you to be gay until you say otherwise. In the student association I was in, it was cool, but it was also…very normative in a way. Lots of stereotypes about how we were expected to be, what we were expected to like, behave like. So for Eurobicon, to have all of that lifted, it was amazing. And it was also so much more inclusive - of disabled, neuroatypical, transgender ppl, different body types and ethnicities, like you could feel that they had made an effort. I also met several nonbinary ppl for the first time of my life and I was like…oh wow there’s something here that feels very important and real. We shared experiences that we did not have a space before, that were specifically bisexual and that tend to go unheard in general queer spaces because they’re not part of the dominant narrative : the daily hesitations, the lack of visibility, the much higher rates of staying closeted, feeling like you are not really part of the community, but also the really cool aspects too - there was this incredible energy of fluidity too of thinking, here is a space where everyone can potentially be into everyone, there aren’t as many barriers as we usually have to think about. And there was this one party and we were all dancing and flirting in a very sweet kind of way, people of different ages and body types, gender presentations and configurations I hadn’t thought about before, a girl in a wheelchair swirling around and being treated like a queen, guys in corsets and cool butches and just some beautiful people - and there was this euphoria in the room, of recognition and kinship, and it felt so…normal, not freakish like I had been led to believe it would be. Nobody was putting on airs or trying hard or whatever, they were just being themselves. And I was like, wow, this is something I need more of in my life. And this freedom was made possible by people coming together under a certain label, recognizing that certain people have specific needs and experiences. Especially after growing up in environments that never tell you that those things are possible, finding the right label can be like coming home. 

I have other labels for myself I am less public about because I don’t want to deal with the social aspect of it, or I’m like this is none of anybody’s business, or I want to give myself the time to figure it out on my own. But they’re tools for self-knowledge, they allow me to think about things, to conceptualize, to research (and lol I’m a nerd so…). And to be less hard on myself sometimes, and to stand up for myself in a ‘I know who I am and it’s okay’ kind of way. Because society tends to pathologize, ostracize or demonize the things it doesn’t understand, and labels can protect you against that. 

In an ideal society maybe we wouldn’t need labels - to have a right to exist or survive, and that’s definitely a goal, but I think we would still make some, because that’s who we are as a species, we need to classify certain things in order to think about them. The problem is when those boxes become cages instead of like, beautiful pots to grow seeds in, like art or poetry. And of course deconstructing the boxes we don’t want remain important. But I don’t think we can ever be box-less, it just to me doesn’t compute. 

I just wanna come back to the ‘special snowflake generation’ thing. If you don’t want labels, like I said, that’s fine. But I hate hate hate that term, and I don’t want to define myself in reaction to it. To me it’s used by a) bigots who just hate the fact that natural human diversity is becoming more recognized and discussed, and want to put us back in the artificial, stifling boxes that dynamics of power, patriarchy and imperialism have made us believe were normal when they really weren’t. And b) older people who are uncomfortable with increased levels of emotional intelligence and lability among younger generations. It’s a thing I’ve noticed over and over again ; people used to talk so much less. When they had feelings in general, or experiences out of the norm, they were taught that stuffing them down and sitting on them and repressing the shit out of them, was the noble/normal/grown up thing to do. So they did and they suffered in silence. And maybe some of them now feel bitter, or at least bewildered, by younger generations refusing to do so and inventing and or reclaiming all those new ways of talking about their experiences out in the open. And so they’re like ‘it’s too much ! you’re spoiled !’ because they want to believe that their sacrifices had a point. They don’t want to realize they could have done things differently all along. It’s very sad. But I don’t think it should be a barrier to us using them like…just as we shouldn’t refrain from using washing machines because our grandmothers suffered to wash everything in a bucket…There’s nothing entitled about wanting a better life than previous generations… And to me, having more words and more space to express myself will never be a bad thing. 

[over-roaming-waves]

Title:Ten Times That Aknamkanon Has Called His Brother and The One Time Aknadin Called Him

Rating: SFW

Tags: TransAtem/TransParent AU. Misgendering, tranpeople, Islam, and death mentioned.

Characters: Main: Aknamkanon, Aknadin Secondary(mentioned only): Queen Serenity, Usagi, Atem, Dios/Akio, Anthy, Siegfried/Mythos

Pairing: Puzzle nerds, Usagi X Mamoru, Aknamkanon X Serenity, Aknadin X His Wife(called Amna here)

Words: 3157

Comment: This is my first story that I’d posted online in Years. Wrote it all in one day. I’m happy that I was motivated enough to do it. Also on AO3. With extra info.

“Brother, Brother, I just got married to the most amazing woman in the world.”

Aknadin was surprised that his brother was calling him. As Aknamkanon rambled on about how amazing his wedding, how lovely his bride was, and other such nonsense he can’t help but wonder why he even called him. His brother was disowned for his relationship with a foreigner. Sure, their grandfather also married a foreigner, but at least their Indian grandmother was Muslim. His brother, who still found more to say about his wedding, had not only left his family to be with a foreigner, but he had to be with a woman who had more in common with ice than with any human being that he had ever seen. He could still see her cold grey eyes in his nightmares.

“Why?” He thought.

“Hum?”

Crap, did he say that out loud! But somehow his heart took control of his mouth.

“Why did you call me?”

“… Because we’re family!”

Aknadin was shocked at his brother’s answer. His heart took control again as he heard his own voice say, “Thank you. I’m glad to here that you are well.”

“And I as well. And may good thing go your way”

The call ended.

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother, Brother, I’m a father, Brother!”

So, it wasn’t just some one-time deal.

“…So, what is the name of the child?”

“His name is Dios, and he’s such a cute little boy. And Serenity is doing well too. And he’s so smart, too. Why just this morning he”

He heard Aknamkanon ramble on for what felt like hours talking about his precious son, how amazing he, and how proud he was about his son shitting himself. It always amazing him that Aknamkanon can find new ways to talk about his love for family. Not that he showed it when he left with that white-haired bitch. But…

“Do you want me to tell the others?”

“If you want to. It’s fine either way.”

That comment was actually… cold. For Aknamkanon’s standards anyway.

“I’ll tell them that you called… and about your son as well. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye. And may good thing go your way”

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother, Brother, we have a breathtaking little girl. I’m sorry that I didn’t call right away, we moved into a lovely villa in Austria as soon as sweet Anthy was born. Oh, that her name, Anthy. Anyway, she looks so much like great-grandma Ojala from her skin tone to her black, curly hair. But her eyes, they look exactly like grandma’s, such a stunning color. I’m glad that she and Dios both have inherited such captivating eyes from grandma. Oh, you probably didn’t know that his eyes were green until now, did you? Well, apparently green eyes don’t start out as green. His eyes were grey for the first few months before the hue changed to their gorgeous green color. Not than he looked bad beforehand, mind you.”

A few months ago, he would have considered his brothers words as the chattering of a madman. But since Amna, his wife, had brought Seth into the world, he found himself staring into his son’s eyes and think words that sounded like the drivel he’s hearing right now. He knows that those words reflect a man in love with his wife and in awe of his child. He would do anything for them, for this emotion that fills him with joy and hope.

“Actually, is it alright if I tell you a bit about my son?”

“You have a son? Do you have a lovely lady that comes with him?”

“Yes. Her name is Amna.”

He spent at least an hour talking about his wife, their boy, and all the things that he wants to do for them, all the things that he wishes would happen for Seth, his worries over not being a good husband to Amna. All dreams and his fear, told over the phone. And his brother listened. The only time he spoke in that time was to get him into the specifics about what he had said previously.

“Thank you, for calling, for listening,” for not judging.

“Of course. And may good thing go your way, you and yours.”

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother, Brother, my marvelous wife and I had twin! Twins! And they’re both so precious! They were born a whole month earlier than either of their siblings! The first one out came out in such a creamy peach color, Serenity insisted on naming her after herself, and who could blame her! And the second comer, she’s so adorable!  Why she looks just like cousin Jaiyana when she was that age! Serenity and I had several names and I really think that Aroura was a beautiful name, and it suits her so well. And the names even complement each other, Serenity, for the lake on the moon, and Aroura, for the natural phenomenon that occurs from solar wind. And they reflect their names perfectly.”

Another birth, another ramble. These explanations tend to turn into white noise after a while.  He was still getting use to the language here. He knew how to speak English but he didn’t really feel safe there, and Seth, he took to Austria like a duck to water. He even finds that when they go shopping for groceries, Seth is the one who is helping him find what they need for their meals. But he doesn’t want Seth being held back by him. He wants his son to enjoy life in this land. He wants his son to grow and do great things in this world.

He still teaches Seth the Koran like he and Aknamkanon were when they were his age. But the mosque that they go to now has a different interpretation of the same text, bringing things into a different perspective. They offer classes there where immigrants like him can learn German, or Austrian as it is called by the locals. He works hard at the job he has now, working to pay for the place that he has with his Seth. He knows that the man prattling along would not hesitate in helping pay for any expenses he had. He doesn’t want him to do so. At least not for him.

He won’t hesitate to ask his brother and statue that his brother calls a wife to put Seth in the best schools, to travel where ever his heart desires, anything his son wants. But he does not want his son to be spoiled, like Dios is growing to be. He wants Seth to reach for the stars but to also help those who have fallen.

“Din?”

“Yes?”

“It seems that you were day dreaming for a moment there. Maybe we should end this for the time being.”

“… Perhaps. Good day.”

“Good day, and may good thing go your way.”

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Aknadin. I’m scared. Anthy… she got hit by a car.”

He was utterly taken back by this news.

“… What happened?”

“We were walking through the city. She spotted a young child on the road. She saw a car going toward the babe. She picked up the child. She got hit shielding the little thing. She’s in surgery right now. I’m scared she won’t make it. She… she was so heroic and.. and .. and there was some much blood. I.. I.. I.. don’t know if she’s going to make it.”

His brother was breaking down. His older brother, his rock, the one who helped him in his darkest moments was sobbing over the line, terrified that his daughter was going to die at such a young age. Seth is only three months younger than Anthy. He knows that he would be devastated if anything like that happen to him.

“I’m here. I’m here. Calm down. Whatever happens, I’m here.”

He continued to comfort his brother until his phone lost power. He should have never accepted this stupid phone from that bitch. He went onto the land line that he had in the house to continue the conversation. The bills that he got from that call were work it.

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother, Brother, my superb wife and I have another son!”

Well, it seems that the bitch has a high fertility rate at least.

“what’s his name?”

“His name is Siegfried. I admit it’s rather… European but he looks just like a fluffy little marshmallow.”

In other words, the boy has his bitch-in-law’s skin and hair color. Hopefully, the boy will take after his father in the personality department. It seemed to happen to the lighter-skinned twin. He heard his brother ramble some more about his youngest son. It seemed that unlike the rest of his siblings, the babe had reasonable brown eyes, which his brother compared to varnished cedar sometime during his rant. It was late as is and he’s supervising the school trip that Seth’s class is having.

“Thank you for telling me all this, but I need to wake-up early for Seth’s trip tomorrow. Good night.”

“Yes, well, good night to you too. And may good thing go your way.”

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Oh, Brother, it’s horrible, Brother, my dear sweet Moonlight is leaving us!”

He was talking about the blond one. She was the mirror image of her mother… if you took all the warmth that his frigid sister-in-law lacked and concentrated it into a stereotypical blond body. She benefited greatly from having Aknamkanon as a father.

He heard his brother as he talked on and on about how she was going away as an exchange student to Tokyo, how he was going to miss seeing her, how horrid it would be for him to not see his little girl every day.

“Are you going to stop her?”

“No! Of course not! She sounds so excited to see everything there. To taste the food there. She even talking to a girl that is going to be in her classes there. I’m so proud that she’s going off into the world, exploring new places, being independent. I’m just sad that I won’t be there to see her grow into a lovely young lady.”

“You can still visit her any time you want. You have the money to do so.”

“… You’re right. Thank you for listening to me vent. And may good thing go your way.”

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother…can I ask you something?”

This was not how these calls usually go. The only other time that it was anywhere close to this was…

“What happen? Is everything alright?”

“Yes… no… it’s just… Aroura… should I have.. no, this needs to be said.. She.. she wants to be…No. She is a man.”

“… Can you run that by me again?’

“Aroura… identifies as male. She wants to be referred to as a he. And he.. he wants to be called Atem. I’ve always loved that name but it never seemed to fit Dios and Siegfried. I’m.. I’m glad that He wanted to use that name for himself. But… he’s getting bullied in school for his decisions. And I know there is more that he’s not telling me. More that he’s dealing with alone, even though I would move the world for him. And, how do I support him?”

He took some time to think on his answer. He knows that the old him would have told him to accept the body that they were born into, that Allah had given them… but he had grown since then and humans are always been flaws interpretations of the divine one. Who’s to say that our bodies are just as flawed as anything else in this imperfect world.

“Hmmm, I’d say you’d just listen to him when he talks, offer kind words when needed, and give him a safe-space to heal from the wounds that the world will give him. Speaking of which… does Serenity have an opinion on this development?”

“Oh, she’s fine with it. a little sad that she could help Atem chose his name, but she’s doesn’t seem to mind it at all. Thank you for the advice, and may good thing go your way.”

The call ended.

Now that, he can believe.

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother, Brother, my brilliant Cloud Dancer is dancing the lead male role in his school’s production of Swan Lake. He plays the role so perfectly. You could feel his despair as he lost the chance to be with his true love and has doomed her to spend eternity as a swan. They’re doing a tour around the continent, being students from such an acclaimed academy, and I was calling to see if you would like some tickets to see the show, I’m sure that you and Seth would love it just as I did. I already have reservations for Usagi, Mamoru, Anthy, Atem, and Yugi. Oh, Yugi is Atem’s partner. He is an absolute delight.”

It’s become quite a comfort to hear his brother’s blathering about his children’s accomplishments, especially right now. He thinks about his parents and cousins coming over to stay at his house, even though Aknamkanon has a far bigger place than the two-story town house that he shares with his son and the young migrant workers from areas far less prosperous than his former home. He had hope that time would change their minds about Aknamkanon’s marriage to the ice queen. He may think she is a heartless bitch, but Kanon truly cares for her, loves each of their five children with the passion of a flamingo dancer (even if he goes jabbering on about them far longer than any mother he has met since he moved here), and truly enjoys playing a back seat to his scarily ambitious wife.

He heard the date that a performance of his nephew, Mytho (a nickname which he rightfully prefers over Siegfried), is close by. He has an awful, horrible and delicious idea

“You know, I believe that I will go with a performance. There is one close by in late May. But, I’d like invite a few guests to this ballet as well, would it be alright if I email you the details and see if things will work out.”

“Of course, I’d be delighted! Enjoy the performance for me and may good thing go your way!”

#*#*#*#*#*#

“Brother, Brother, I’m going to be a grandpa!”

He knew that someday that that brat, Akio (who was born Dios but changed his name for one reason or another), was going to have kids someday. If there was one thing that he and his frigid bitch of a sister-in-law can agree on, is that Akio was a damn brat, having sex where ever buying whatever caught his eye, and always wanting to be the center of attention. She made sure that he can’t use any of her money to spend on his extravagant lifestyle (though he has heard that he conned some other family to be his piggy-bank). But he heard the excitement in Aknamkanon’s voice, and more importantly the lack of anything negative in his tone. He had always assumed that if Akio was exposed as the man-child that he was, his brother would be devastated. But then again, Aknamkanon always tried to see the best on people. Until they did something unredeemable.

He might as well ask, “Which one is the parent-to-be?”

“The twins!”

“…Both of them?”

“Yes, though I learned about it on Usagi’s twitter feed, you know what that is, right? Anyway, the first thing I did was call Atem and Usagi for a group chat and Atem was going to tell me when I went over latter this month. And Atem wanted me to help him and his partner out in picking the child’s name, you know ‘cause that how Yugi got to be named Yugi? Anyway, Usagi wanted to use Serenity as a middle name for her child, she and Mamoru apparently knew since Christmas that she was expecting but she also wanted to tell up later this month. But then she got so excited when she heard from Atem that he also was expecting that she decided to post out a tweet about it! And Usagi and her partner think that the baby will be born in June but Atem and Yugi are unsure yet and really it’s just so exciting!”

“I’m glad for you.”

“Thank you! And may good thing go your way!”

#*#*#*#*#*#

He couldn’t believe it. the selfish son of a swine that had killed Amna had gotten away with it. he, he claimed that Amna had exposed herself to him and he was preserving his and her family’s honor. And those shallow, brainless sons of dogs brought it. May Allah cast them into the darkness for ten thousand years.

But that was not what hurt the most.

What hurts the most is that his family, who approved of his choice in Amna, who dined with her at the Eid el-Adha, who blessed her when their son Seth came into the world, believed it.

They took the side of the monster that… that took away his wife.

And now… he can’t even call them family. Because every word they said… every scent in this place… even the very sight of their possessions… fills him with rage. Reminding him that his wife, his sweet, caring Amna is dead. And they did nothing.

He needed to get away. Take Seth and leave this place. He looked through the letters that Aknanamkanon had sent, trying to find the phone number that his brother gave him the one with the pictures of the girl he and the ice woman had. He found it near the bottom.

He scanned the letter for the number, throwing the pictures of the two green-eyed children behind him.

He called.

It rang once. Twice. His heart plummet to his stomach. Maybe he wasn’t there. Or maybe he was there but he was busy. Maybe he only called those last few times to gloat of his own success. Maybe-

“Hello?”

“Kanon.” he felt some shame in using the childhood name. he felt the urge to just hang up and find another way out of the country.

“Din? What’s wrong?”

“… It’s Amna. She was killed.”

“What do you want need me to do?”

“I… I can’t be here anymore. I… I’ll pay you back as soon as I get my feet on the ground… but please just help me and my son get out of here.”

There was a pause.

“You don’t need to pay me back. We’re family.  I’ll find the first flight out of Cario and we take you to the Austrian House. You don’t need to worry about paying me back or anything like that. Besides, it would do Seth some good to see his cousins.”

He found tears wetting his cheeks. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for coming. And may good thing go your way.”

[wrestlingisfake]

G1 Climax finals preview

Saturday night!  Sunday morning!  2am Eastern!  Watch it on demand tomorrow afternoon!  Or go to bed early and set your alarm to catch the end of it.  Or be like Shawn Michaels with that intern and stay UP! ALL! NIGHT!

Oh, and if you’ve been hearing about the G1 for the last month, don’t think it’s too late to get into it.  This is not some prestige nerd show where the finale won’t make sense if you didn’t watch the last 18 episodes.  All the backstory was cool and all but it’s in the past, and all that matters now is the present, brother.  You don’t have to be a super-dork like me and watch the whole thing.

However, for the benefit of super-dorks, I gotta put the entire card under a cut because I don’t want to spoil last night’s show (it was good).

Tetsuya Naito vs. Kenny Omega - This is the final match of this year’s G1 Climax tournament, between the winners of A Block and B Block.  There is no time limit and there must be a winner.  Aside from a trophy and an oversize novelty check, the winner of the G1 receives a briefcase containing a contract for an IWGP heavyweight title match in the main event of Wrestle Kingdom, the big Tokyo Dome show on January 4.  (Omega is the IWGP US champion, but the title is not at stake here.)

Naito won the G1 Climax in 2013, but he infamously faced backlash from fans who didn’t accept his push, and his title match with Kazuchika Okada was actually bumped to second billing (it was put to a vote and fans picked Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Shinsuke Nakamura for some crazy reason).  The bad feelings over that formed the basis of Naito’s slow turn to a heel character that is too chill (tranquilo, 焦んなよ) to give a shit what the fans think or whether his opponent is pissed off that he’s stalling.  That got so hot that he’s essentially a tweener now, with more face heat from being a super-dick than he ever got in 2013.  If he wins here and goes on to face Okada for the title, this time ain’t nobody votin’ him out of nothin’.

Omega won last year’s G1, becoming the first non-Japanese guy to do so.  It’s only been 20 months since he took over the spot AJ Styles left behind, but in that time he’s reshaped both Bullet Club and the role of evil Westerner in his image.  Omega, of course, took his G1 briefcase to Wrestle Kingdom 11 and started an epic rivalry with Okada, and there’s a lot of hype to see the fourth chapter at Wrestle Kingdom 12.  Of course, there was a lot of hype to see Omega vs. Kota Ibushi here in this match, and that didn’t happen, so don’t count on New Japan not to dick with your dreams.

It’s unusual for the leaders of heel factions to face off at all, let alone one-on-one, so the last time Omega and Naito wrestled was a year ago in the G1 B Block finals.  That may have been the best match of the tournament (if not all of 2016), and this time both guys don’t have to save anything for tomorrow.  The only real plot point here is that both guys are fucking exhausted--Naito reportedly has a legit shoulder issue, and Omega has been selling injuries that may or may not be based on actual ones.  I feel like it evens out to a fair fight, but expect to see them wrestling more like wounded animals than fresh fighters at their athletic peak.

Either guy could win.  In my heart of hearts I think Omega should go on to win the title from Okada in the Tokyo Dome, but I have to admit nothing would be more appropriate than Naito disrupting somebody else’s epic push.  In terms of long-range booking, the big issue is that Kenny has a very full plate, between chasing Okada, leading the US expansion, teasing a Bullet Club civil war with Cody Rhodes, and defending the US championship.  Naito, in contrast, doesn’t have a clear direction; he could go after the intercontinental championship again, but it’d just be a repeat of his last run with it. 

My gut says that in a perfect world--where New Japan’s US plans work out--Omega leaves the world title behind to be the ace of the US brand, while Naito and Okada become the Big Two of the domestic market.  That may not be how 2018 actually pans out, but it feels like that’s what NJPW is shooting for today.  So I’d probably lose money on it, but I’m betting on Naito.

Kazuchika Okada & Tomohiro Ishii & Toru Yano & Gedo vs. EVIL & SANADA & BUSHI & Hiromu Takahashi - One of the key storylines coming out of the G1 is that Evil scored a win over Okada, so until things are settled with Omega and Naito he’s the logical #1 contender.  This match should play that up, along with possibly some direction for Evil/Sanada/Bushi and the NEVER trios championship.  Okada looked like he got killed to death last night so he probably needs to get a win here, but I bet it won’t be too painless.

Hiroshi Tanahashi & Kota Ibushi & Michael Elgin vs. Minoru Suzuki & Zack Sabre, Jr. & Takashi Iizuka - During the tournament intercontinental champion Tanahashi was pinned by Ibushi and Sabre, and NEVER champion Suzuki was pinned by Elgin, so we’ll probably see some teases of those potential title matches.  Suzuki just suffered a pretty humiliating loss to Toru Yano so I expect they’ll make it up him with a win.

Hanson & Raymond Rowe vs. Cody Rhodes & Hangman Page - War Machine is defending the IWGP heavyweight tag team title.  They won the belts from Bullet Club’s Tama Tonga and Tanga Loa back in the US tour, so now they’re facing two other Bullet Club guys. 

The Cody/Page team is interesting in that you’ve got the ROH world champion (who is a fairly big deal in NJPW) with a glorified curtain jerker.  One-on-one Cody would be the heavy favorite against either guy from War Machine, so the question will be whether that’s enough to win with literally any random-ass warm body for a partner.  My guess is no.  War Machine retains.  (Here is the awesome War Machine theme so you can listen to it when they probably won’t play it at the show.)

Nick Jackson & Matt Jackson vs. Ricochet & Ryusuke Taguchi - Ricochet challenged the Young Bucks for the IWGP junior heavyweight tag title back in the US tour.  (The Bucks are also the ROH tag champions and the self-proclaimed “superkick tag team champions,” but none of that matters here.)

The recent history of the junior tag belts has been a seemingly endless circle jerk between the Bucks, Rocky Romero/Trent Beretta, and Ricochet/Matt Sydal, and I was pretty sick of it.  But with Sydal turfed out last year and Beretta switching to heavyweight, New Japan is finally forced to go in some other direction, even if it is just “Ricochet gets a new partner.”  At the very least, Taguchi’s weird comedy nonsense and butt-related offense make him totally different from all the aforementioned flippy dudes.

I never expect the Bucks to lose because they’re so key to the NJPW/ROH/Hot Topic machine, but honestly they do lose quite a bit (if only to win the belts back later), so you never know.

Juice Robinson & Satoshi Kojima & Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs. Bad Luck Fale & Yujiro Takahashi & Chase Owens - Juice is riding high after his win over Omega but he’s not going to be able to do much about it for a while, so he’s stuck fighting Bullet Club in the undercard.  I’d put him over to keep his momentum going, but they might want to do that with Fale too.

Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI vs. Togi Makabe & David Finlay - Not even sort of a story here, just three guys who didn’t do so great in the tournament and one jobber who wasn’t in it.  I’m picking Goto and Yoshi to win.

Yuji Nagata & Manabu Nakanishi vs. Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa - Nagata just had his last G1 tournament match, so now it’s time for his last match of the tour.  I’m hoping for a win, but the Guerillas of Destiny are kind of a big deal in the heavyweight tag division and probably shouldn’t be doing a job like this.  So it’s a real toss-up.

KUSHIDA & Jushin Thunder Liger & Tiger Mask & Hirai Kawato vs. TAKA Michinoku & Taichi & El Desperado & Yoshinobu Kanemaru - This is a straight-up rematch from the night before.  I missed that match but I gather the Suzuki-gun juniors beat up Kushida and stole his belt, and I haven’t heard he got it back.  Sounds like payback is coming.

[shamondmilk-blog]

The Backstory

Where did it start?

The first time I remember binge eating was when I was 7 years old. There was a bag of Halloween candy atop a shelf in the guest room at my house in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey. I imagine my mom never intended us to find it. Candy was never really allowed in the house. If we were lucky, there'd be an occasional Skinny Cow in the freezer, which my sister and I relentlessly tried to get a hold of first. I can't remember ever enjoying vegetables as a child. It was always a struggle to finish my carrots that came with every dinner. I'd sneak them to my Golden Retriever when my mom's back was turned. Vegetables were always an incentive in the house, so the precedent was set: vegetables are an adversary to be vanquished to get to the ivory tower containing whatever savory goodness was on the plate. I'm sure this was never my mom's intention, to foster this adversarial relationship with healthy eating. She wasn't much for cooking when I was growing up, and never thought to present healthy food in a way that was appealing or creative to me or my siblings. Can you blame her, coming from a dysfunctional family background of nine in an Irish-Italian household? My grandma is probably delusional and self-centered enough to believe that the lectures she gave her children were proper nourishment, and the fried salami ends bought from the local butcher shop were an additional treat. What a prize.

Anyway, the incident with the Halloween candy was isolated, at least it seemed that way at the time. I remember thinking after that binge session that what I had done wasn't normal. All the adages of spoiling your dinner and getting a tummy ache and the countless euphemisms that people use instead of saying "hey kid, making that pattern of eating a habit will spike your insulin and fast track you to Type 2 Diabetes and a foot amputation" ran through my head. I had done a bad thing. But at the same time, it felt like a great thing, too. So much chocolate and sugar, what 7-year-old is self-aware enough to assess short-term reward against long-term consequences?  Not I. But it seemed inconsequential at the time. The metabolism of a fairly physically active 7-year-old is not going to shit the bed after one candy binge. I’d be fine, until the move happened.

After 3rd grade, my parents informed my siblings that we would be moving again, this time to Naperville, Illinois. In my 8 year stint on this planet, it would be my 6th move.  I don’t remember being particularly upset about it.  Making friends after every move never seemed terribly difficult during the other moves, so why would this time be any different? I was fairly popular in New Jersey. I remember walking around the soccer field during recess by myself, by choice. I remember a lunch supervisor coming up to me frequently asking me in a thick Polish accent “Olivia, where are your friends?” They were on the playground doing whatever it was that 8-year-olds in the early 2000’s did together, and no one was kicking me off the playground. I had spent all day in the classroom with them, and ate with them at lunch. I was good to be 20 minutes without them and spend some quality daydreaming time. Bitch, I have friends, I should’ve noted to the supervisor. It would’ve gone over great, I’m certain.  

Enter 9-year-old Olivia, fresh meat at Elmwood Elementary School. The classroom was set up in clusters of 4 connected desks, which was different from the conversational rows I was used to at my old school. Everyone in Naperville knew each other by then.  They had broken off into their respective friend groups, for the most part. As far as these 9-year-olds were concerned, they were who they were going to be for the rest of their lives, quarter life crisis be damned. Hopefully some of them got the chance to backpack around Europe before settling into their mediocre corporate lives and Spongebob themed 3-piece suits. If I got stuck in one of those clusters with kids who had no interest in expanding their friend circle, I’d resign to drawing forest animals and Pokemon and daydreaming that dragons were real. So, needless to say, I was not quite the chameleon that I needed to be to merge into the blonde, N’Sync listening, Lip Smackers wearing fembots-in-training that made up the majority of Naperville girls.

Nothing about this account so far could possibly imply that I was bullied (spoiler alert: I was). First, I was bullied for being different. Being bullied for being fat would come later. I needed to be alienated first. I didn’t watch Spongebob, which in case you didn’t know, was the gold standard for Naperville kids in the early 2000’s. I preferred Backstreet Boys, but N’Sync was the preferred boy band of my classmates. I was a Crip in a Blood world. I liked fantasy and science fiction. My sister introduced me to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and all bets were off. I was set down the path of nerdom, but as any nerd knows, the adventure is much harder if you’re solo questing. To translate that last sentence for the non-nerds: I had no real friends. I had playdates with other kids, but nothing really stuck. But the names stuck, “weirdo, freak, lesbo, gross, fat, ugly bitch,” to name a few of the commonplace ones (oh, but by 8th grade I developed really big tits, so at least I had that going for me. I remember my guy friend reporting to me that even though I was the notorious goth weirdo, the wrestling team loved my boobs. Aw, thanks guys, self-worth attribute +1).

By the end of 4th grade, I had descended far down the social totem pole, but not so far that I had lost the desperate ambition to climb back up. After all, walking around alone at recess loses its luster when it’s involuntary. So I let the popular girls continue to make their digs, and I would take it. We’re all friends, right? Well, those friends didn’t call to my house for play dates, and they sure as hell never referenced to me as “friend.” So, I sat at home, lost in my computer games or buried in my books. The satisfied feeling you get from laughing  and talking with friends wasn’t there. Something needed to fill the void. But what? Somewhere in my developing brain, with so few long-term memories and subconscious cues to choose from, the answer revealed itself: sugar, chocolate, potato chips, potato-and-chocolate chip cookies (thank God Pinterest wasn’t a thing yet).

And so it started. There was just one small problem. My mom is an Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher style (no offense to Robert Downey Jr.).  By Iron Lady, I mean she is a seasoned Ironman Triathlon participant. The picture of health, from what I remember, save the Chardonnay obsession. That meant no unhealthy food in the house. Only low-fat, low-sugar sweets. So how does a 10-year-old looking for a salt and sugar fix compensate if there’s not a potato chip or candy bar in sight? Why, she eats 10 lower-sugar snacks in one sitting, hoping to get the same resolve of course. I started eating everything and anything remotely sweet. If there were no Kudos bars or Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches to be found, balls of white bread dipped Hershey’s in chocolate syrup would suffice (I wish I were joking). Oh, also, a few chocolatey Cliff Bars would do in a pinch (you know, the ones that are supposed to replace an entire fucking meal).

But that short-term comfort only lasted so long, and I happened to be the only one who ignorantly saw the temporary benefit of it. My mom and I played a years-long game of hide-and-seek, but my mom and I used objects as our playing pieces. My mom’s pieces were the hidden snacks, and my pieces were the hidden wrappers. We’d find our usual hiding places for both, and yelling would ensue once we found each other. I must’ve felt like I was fighting a battle on both fronts. On one end, I used by binge eating Guerilla tactics to combat the feelings of isolation from my peers, and stealth tactics to hide food from my mom. I don’t think it would be crazy to interpret this as a pretty shitty setup for my relationship with food as a whole, no?

So, I guess that’s where my binge-eating story begins. But where does it end? I guess the more important question is “how does it end,” or even “does it end?” I guess you can’t start a solid story without a solid beginning, so that’s what this will be. It’s time to start this journey with a reference point, which is what I suppose this long and psychoanalytic account will serve as. But I’m not crazy about the idea of doing this alone. And as every seasoned nerd knows, solo questing is harder than going at it with a party.

[bookspoils]

As anticipated from last month’s wrap up, October brought a bunch of newly released gems out into the world. It was a month to remember. In total I read 10 books:

  https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/11/review-turtles-all-the-way-down-by-john-green/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/03/review-the-sun-and-her-flowers-by-rupi-kaur/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/13/review-flux-by-orion-carloto/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/22/review-weratedogs-by-matt-nelson/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/28/review-yosl-rakover-talks-to-god-by-zvi-kolitz/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/16/review-the-realist-by-asaf-hanuka/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/07/review-literally-me-by-julie-houts/

https://bookspoils.wordpress.com/2017/10/09/review-5000-km-per-second-by-manuele-fior/

Honorable Mention: Season two of Stranger Things was released this last Friday, and you know I had to binge-watch the shit out of it in a day… Mostly because I was scared to get spoiled online, but also because once you get hooked it’s nearly impossible to leave Hawkins behind.

The plot, courtesy of this article: Stranger Things season 2 begins nearly a year after the first installment, on Halloween in Hawkins, Indiana. (The boys are going as the Ghostbusters, naturally.) Will has rejoined his pals after being rescued from Things’ alternate dimension, the Upside Down. But all is not well with young Mr. Byers, as evidenced by the slug he coughed up in season 1’s final moments.

I came late to the hype behind the first season, having watched it only 5 months prior to the sequel’s release. But thankfully that turned out to have its benefits, since my mind was still fresh with certain plot points to start my binge-watch right away. I also went in knowing exactly what I wanted from the ongoing arc: Eleven’s backstory, my boy Dustin Henderson with his ragtag group of loveable nerds, and Jonathan with Nancy, of course.

http://bookspoils.tumblr.com/post/166872280883/sulietsexual-stranger-things-season-2-episode

The season started out with a bang (quite literally). And I’m beyond grateful that I got what I wanted and so much more:

(SEASON TWO SPOILERS BELOW)

The plot is a bit slow going at first, but once it caught a rhythm I couldn’t bring my eyes off the screen, so much so that the mere act of blinking actually hurt after awhile.

The autumn aesthetic is strong here. Plus, the attention paid to detail in each shot is mind-boggling.

http://bookspoils.tumblr.com/post/166973314143/stanseb-the-boys-in-the-stranger-things-season-2

We’re introduced to Lucas Sinclair’s family, and I was living for his sister’s one-liners:

http://bookspoils.tumblr.com/post/166941812603/captainpoe-icon

The true star of this show.

We have so many new character dynamics I wasn’t even prepared to love: Chief Jim Hopper and Eleven, Dustin and Steve Harrington… Speaking of the latter, Dustin is my sun and stars and my love for him knows no bounds.

http://bookspoils.tumblr.com/post/166872178753

On a more grim note, we get to see Eleven visit her mother, Terry Ives, and finally find out the truth about her history. I can only say that the backstory is chillingly terrifying. But it just goes to show the brilliant masterminds that are behind Stranger Things.

Sunflower, 3 to the Right, 4 to the Left, Rainbow

The thought put behind the words the mother repeated left me shaking. Truly one of the most intricately thought-out backstories.

Last but not least, I have to mention my favorite build-up finally happening between Nancy and Jonathan… And let me just say that the anticipation leading up to their moment was DELICIOUS:

http://bookspoils.tumblr.com/post/166872801618/livvy-8-yes-im-screaming-im-so-happy-fuck-you

I can live on happily now.

Overall, I can say without a doubt that Stranger Things delivered so much with its newest season. It was the little things like I mentioned above that make the series feel much more real to me. Simply put, season two was Bitchin’.

That was my October wrap-up, thank you for reading!

October 2017 Reading Wrap Up As anticipated from last month's wrap up, October brought a bunch of newly released gems out into the world.