#at like... 5 pm but go off
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having thoughts about things
#i was fucking around with color here more than anything so these look jank and also i haven't done any real loose doodling in a few days#coming down off of last week with a bunch of teaching shit on top of a deadline but also it's not a break quite yet#which is unfortunate bc i'm like ough i wanna paint with gouache i wanna finish those two illustrations i wanna animate i wanna write#and i want so bad to do all those things but by the time i sit down to do any of those it's like. 10 pm and i need to go to bed in 2 hours#and wake up in nine. so it's the slow chipping away and not hyperfocus-fueled evening art sessions for the next few days#which is all to say: bark bark bark bark bark#also sorry i've been worse than usual abt talking to ppl and responding my brain is. full#love what i do and genuinely i do think i go about my career in a decently sustainable way but some weeks hit me and i'm like#shit dude i really am working 5+ jobs/projects at any given time huh. shoutout to my gayass ocs for keeping me sane thru it all 👍#wip#honeybee
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I know my kinks. And my taste in men. And all that. Is a tad unconventional. But I hope people aren’t using all that to make fun of me. I am worrying big time about that tonight. I don’t want people making fun of me just because I’m horny for old ass Dalinar and Sadeas just cuz they’re big huge large.i dunno man. I’m sorry. Anyway please respect me pleeeeeeeeease
#luke.txt#drunkposting#purple dragon jungle juice#I don’t know!!!!!‼︎ I don’t know#I just wanna not be hated or mocked#today I reblogged a post where dalinar is directed at Sebarial and going I’m not drunk dumbass I’m not gonna make a scene for you#and I captioned it in which I am dalinar and my followers are sebarial#bc that’s how it feels sometimes#and someone who I will not call out but who triggered me deeply was like ‘I’ll tag my friend in this. lmaooooo we are all sebarial’#well that made me feel bad about myself! I sure did have to feed off day drinking cravings until 5 pm and it was super hard!!!‼︎#in an ideal would I would have been drunk today by 10:30 am. yeah.#I’m sorry :( I’m trying :(
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woo the refs is finished finally
#the amount of sleep in me rn is unbelievable#and tumblr isn't helping#the way it stops working after 3 pm like a some kind of cinderella pisses me off so much#going throw hell just to see a post#jojo bizarre adventure#jjba#vento aureo#golden wind#jjba part 5#bruno bucciarati#bruno buccellati#leone abbacchio#lovebug swap au#my art#mine#pt5
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i got such shit sleep bc of that wild ass dream/nightmare and now im all foggy and hazy but not in a fun way and i have shit to do i hate it
#whatever im gonna drink abt it later then go to bed at 8 pm and sleep for 12 hours#why does my brain torture me this way#it was a perfectly fine dream too. bizarre but thats all my dreams. then suddenly i was thrust into hell#it wasnt even scary i just have these dreams where i get to see my parents again and in them theres this sense of#‘i was gone for a long time but im here now’ and i just know it’s my brain processing the denial+bargaining stage of grief#but i feel such joy and relief for like 5 seconds only to wake up to my fucking miserable real life and then i want to jump off a cliff#and i can never get back to sleep bc i can only handle seeing that shit every so often. and the sleep isnt even restorative so whats the#fucking point#jesus christ ive never been so miserable in my fucking life i wish id just DIE in my sleep instead. thatd be awesome
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My grandpa acted scared to ask me a question and that's so real men should always be scared of me
#chloe shush#no I can't move my car rn I'll move it when i leave at 4 pm today#whys he always asking on the days I'm not gone. i leave for like 10 hours 5 days a week and on my days off im also gone#for a few hours at a time usually#is thaT NOT ENOUGH TIME TO DO WHATEBER IT IS YOU DO#like go to taco bell#literally. the only place he goes
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This might be the origin of my newfound ed
#eating disoder trigger warning#I can't eat at night without my family bombarding me. Asking why I'm eating so late#why I'm not making any for them#Piss off#I only ate one meal at 5 pm. And a damn egg in the morning. (12 pm)#It's 9 pm bro#LET ME EAT#YOU CAN COOK FOR YOURSELF FUCK OFF#I feel like this is a form of fat shaming or shaming on a persons eating habits#Fuck offfffff#I hate this household#I can't stay home. I can't eat. I can't watch my phone. I can't relax. I have to cook. I have to get up and go out. I have to fucking dhjwhs#.#vent#If this seems dramatic to you. I literally could not care less.#I am so angry and pissed off rn omfg#Do you know what hungry means?#Do you know.#Also the fact that I can't have a dick is kinda upsetti g#Y know what. My pronouns are he/them.#If you see this make sure to use those#God fucking damn it I feel so damn angry and tired.#I wanted a nice bath tonight#MY FATHER HAS BEEN TAKING ONE EVERY. DAMN. DAY. FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS#I can't shower at night#I can't take a bath to fucking relax#AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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yay
#today was graduation day for my classmates and i could've been there graduating too if i wasn't such a fuck up that had to drop off lol#i'm trying so hard so hard to get my shit together but every time i end up crying and feeling stupid because i can't do basic tasks yay#i can't wake up early to go for a walk or exercise or study and if i wake up is because i have to go to work#i work because i need the money and i cook because my brother needs to eat because if it was up to me i just wouldn't#and i'm so tired of existing by 5 or 6 pm that i don't feel like studying or exercising or going for a walk or anything#then i play videogames with my boyfriend because that's our couple time and if i can't do anything for myself at least i gotta do it for him#it's like i've been living in this state of nothingness for idk how long where nothing excites me anymore#but since i can get up from bed and go to work and class and eat at least twice a day it's not that bad and i don't need that much help#anyway hopefully by december i can tell y'all that i finally graduated lol
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i kinda lost track of time
#i was like “if it's almost 9 pm why aren't there any fireworks going off?”#and then i realized it was only 9 in the morning#this is what 5 all nighters in a row does to a mf
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Mantra for today: I am not responsible for other people facing the consequences of their poor planning or executive dysfunction, no matter how deeply I love them and want them to avoid said consequences or how much their inevitable upset impacts me.
#both i and my partner have varying degrees of executive dysfunction but i have spent more time learning to live with it#today for example i needed him to drive me to work and pick me up#he has pt at 4:45 and needed to pick me up at 4 pm to make it on time or else id be at the office till 5:30-6#if i were trying to circumvent my dysfunction i would try to be ready for pt before I left the house to go pick up my partner#so that i could just drop them off and use the bathroom and then turn right around. or maybe even just do a drive by drop off idk#but he was not prepared and had to come home and rush and is now upset and likely a few minutes late to his appointment#and im trying not to hold that upset that was wrongfully directed at the room at large when the fault lies only in poor planning
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#aaaaaah I can't wait for tomorrow#actually i can#but like miserably#i still have to finish my term paper tho so 🥲#current plan is to be at the venue at 3 pm but tbh it's up to the db gods#the next time i will have more than 5 hours of sleep will be next thursday#alright wait let me start over again#so tomorrow i'm going to berlin for bc#on sunday i'm going to Leipzig and on Wednesday I have VIP for Munich but I have anxiety so I'll be 4 hrs early anyway#and because we're trying to save money (and failing) i only have a hostel for munich :)))#three cheers for sleeping in train stations at 3 in the morning i guess#what doesn't help is that the trams are currently on strike so i'll either have to walk or get a taxi to my apartment#which sucks#anyway and to top it all off i got a bout of the big sad recently so i haven't been able to work on my term paper#which i have to hand in next thursday at the latest#but i only have until today to work on it bc i'll be travelling around until... next thursday when i have to hand it in#this is bad#anyway but enough of that I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING EVERYBODY AGAIN!!!!#and praying that they play red taillights live#that song has been living in my head rent free#as well as not your bro for some reason????
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// Gets to work. The entire team scheduled with me has called off. Lovely.
However, I did get a 10/10 recognition score from a guest, and received a certificate/money, so that lightened the blow a bit.
#[ not the manager saying 'thank god' when i came in.#i think the others may be sick? which... valid. please call off if you're sick.#BUT. it just sucks it happened on the same day lmfao.#we're already very short staffed due to like... 5 people getting fired#and two going back to their countries because their foreign exchange programs ended.#we are... hurting to say the least. OTL but we shall prevail.#this ain't my first rodeo running the show. i'll be around-ish though.#no discord again. reach me on tumblr or wait until 11 pm when i'm off. <3 ]#ooc ; out of character
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Me talking to my dad about my factory reset plans after I havent slept all night:
Vs
My dad who just woke up:
#lifeblogging#cw gifs#fox gif#wolf gif#for anyone who isnt aware:#sometimes my body knocks me into fully nocturnal cycles#i wake up at 5 pm and go to bed at 5 am#it happens during winter sometimes and i sleep for way too long#i start to lose the concept of time itself and its real disorienting#so i do what I like to call ‘factory reset day’#where i just power throught and stay up as long as i can to forcibly reset my clock to a more ‘functional’ time#i often have to do my factory resets when i go too long without a schedule#so like when im off of school it tends to happen#and since Christmas is coming soon i’ll need to do my reset to be awake enough for family time with all the early birds#at least i can start getting through one peice episodes!
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Where's that post about moms will come into your room and display signs of mental illness.
#got yelled at bc its almost 10 pm and I'm trying to sleep#apparently I'm being rude bc my mom wants to talk about a concert she wants to go to#and I'm sitting here trying not to fall asleep bc again#it's 10 pm and I've been up since 5 am#i managed to smooth it over before she got vicious thank god#I'm just a little sick of humbling myself and acting like some sniveling creature begging for mercy#to avoid getting my head ripped off every time my mother has an episode#whoever said mothers have unconditional love for their kids never met mine#she can be fucking aggressive when she gets going and its 10 pm i dont super wanna hear about what a piece of shit i am#it's like living with a half tamed rabid animal sometimes
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Just put myself through mental anguish trying to completely catch myself up on stuff from my dash from many many many hours ago despite wanting to go back up to the top, just because I felt committed to that mission 🥲 Literally why did I do that to myself
#dru speaks#dru vents#like i was scrolling through stuff from probably like 5 pm yesterday like 'i want to go to the top of my dash.#i want to join people in the Present.'#but i didn't do it cause i felt like i had to reach the goal of completely catching myself from where i had left off#that does Not sound like normal behavior. what was that 😭#i only broke free cause i forced myself to#like what the heck
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guy who uses military time bc he doesn't know the difference between am and pm
#real guy and unfortunately i do have a bit of a crush 🤡#apparently i like himbos#this has been a shitpost#a group of people were making plans from 5 at night to 11 at night and he genuinely thought people were talking abt morning#but was still willing to go lmaooo#he was like hm ok i need to take off work.bc i dont get out until 3#and everyone kept saying no its 5 PM! you're good it's 5 pm!!#and he was like yeah that's 5 in the morning right?#we had to give him the schedule in military time before it clicked lmao
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been looking forward to this virtual seder for weeks and now i’m in postdrome and absolutely exhausted and it starts in 35 minutes but i want to go to sleep :(
#it’s 5:55 PM#my partner was going to participate but she ALSO has a migraine and feels like shit#so she’s tapped out#(she’s putting together the plate though because she is a literal saint)#(i didn’t even ask her to she’s just doing it#*)#i have no idea how long it’s going to be#hopefully there’s enough people that if i need to drop off it won’t be noticed#my posts#jumblr#migraine blogging
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