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winchester-girl67 · 2 years

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Sensory Overload

Summary: The reader tells Dean that she's on the spectrum after he finds her hiding out in his room after a hunt.

Requested by @whoooooisthis: "I was wondering if you'd be okay with writing Dean Winchester x autistic reader (with sensory issues, and possibly a hyperfixation on the lore/mythology the boys use to hunt)?"

Pairing: Dean x autistic!reader

Square: Clothes sharing @spnfluffbingo Dean's Flannel @supernatural-jackles

Word Count: 2,489

Warnings: autistic!reader, autism, mentions/implied hyperfixation, anxiety, separation anxiety, ADHD, sensory issues related to autism, stimming, a little angst, a little pining, emotional hurt/comfort, cuddling/kissing, mostly fluff

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I'm really behind on requests. I hope you like it. Also written for @spnfluffbingo and @supernatural-jackles’ Tell Me a Story bingo.

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You snuggled more into the comforters, wrapping Dean's pillow tighter around your head to block out the cacophony of sounds in the bunker. The high-pitched buzz of the fluorescent lights in the hallway mixed with the constant droning sound of the ventilation system, but neither compared to the silence of your cell phone.

You called the boys fifteen and a half times in the past hour, but still no answer. You were worried, terrified you missed something in the lore that could've led to their demise, because why else haven't they picked up yet. Dean always called you when they finished a hunt with praises on your research skills, you saved their asses plenty of times without even being in the line of fire.

Your forte was in the books, you knew everything about everything, hunters from all parts of the country looked to you for information on vamps, ghouls, djinns, shifters, ghosts, demons, wendigos... You name it, you knew it, and you loved it, spending your days in the library; but sometimes you got a little lost in it and that's when having the boys around really helped.

Dean especially was great at drawing your focus, usually after he'd just tried a new recipe in the kitchen and needed a taste-tester. You didn't have the heart to tell him that most of his 'masterpieces' were mostly inedible, though he did make incredible chocolate chip cookies and apple pie. He made those most often.

You wondered if you'd ever get to taste those again, if the boys would come walking in that bunker door any time soon, if you missed something in the lore. But you had scanned the pages too many times to have missed anything. Something else must've gone wrong.

You couldn't remember how long ago it was that you curled up in Dean's bed. You weren't supposed to be there, you never crawled into his bed unless he was already in it and you couldn't sleep. You started to cry, not heavily, just one or two tears that escaped as you started to rock back and forth and back-

The lights in the room flicked on. You didn't open your eyes until a pair of strong hands pried yours off the edges of Dean's pillow. You met the gaze of the green eyed man of whom you'd come so accustomed to. You've only lived with them for a year now and your diagnosis had never come up, but you couldn't avoid it now, not anymore. Not that you were avoiding it, it just never came up.

You looked away and sat up in his bed. You glanced around at the state his room was in. Dean liked things tidy and you'd made a mess of it. His clothes were thrown over every square inch of his bedroom floor. You glanced back at him, he looked tired but you didn't think he looked angry.

"Before you say anything, I'm sorry!" You blurted out, wiping your cheeks dry.

"Okay," Dean eyed the mess, "You wanna tell me why you look so guilty?"

"You didn't answer your phone, you always answer your phone. I got worried. I'm sorry." You hugged yourself and squinted at the bright lights, "C-can you turn those off, please?"

Dean nodded and turned on the bedside lamp, then flicked off the switch for the ceiling lights. You started to relax slightly in the more dim setting, especially now that you knew he was okay. You sucked in a slow breath not wanting to completely lose it in front of him. How long have you been there? You didn't know and hugged his pillow to your chest.

"Better?" He asked, you nodded, "Were you asleep?" You shook your head and tugged on the trim of the pillow case, "What's wrong, Y/N?"

"I-I was worried," you said, you knew he was looking at you but you couldn't meet his eyes. "Y-you didn't answer your phone."

"Sammy's phone died and I broke mine," he explained, tossing the two pieces of his cell onto the table next to the lamp. You winced at the clattering sound, he noticed but didn't make a comment. Instead he spoke softer, "And that makes you raid my closet?" He asked, pulling on the hem of your shirt sleeve, but you pulled your hand away and you thought you heard him sigh.

You had changed out of your clothes and into his. A pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and the purple plaid of his that you adored. There was just something about his clothes that calmed you, they weren't itchy or confining like yours were. And they smelt like him, at least the flannel did because he'd worn it briefly before he left. You were a little embarrassed when you saw him notice. But Dean never judged you, you loved that about him.

"I needed something soft and your clothes are softer than mine, and it smells like you. It calms me. I'm sorry."

"It's a bit big on you, isn't it, sweetheart?" He laughed and you frowned, "Hey, that was a joke. Y/N?"

You didn't always get his odd sense of humour, he loved sarcasm but you never really understood it, even if you laughed at a couple of his remarks from time to time. You liked it better when he was blatantly silly and told dad-jokes. That's actually how your friendship started out, with bad jokes, that's how he got you out of your shell. With Sam you bonded over research in the library until you surpassed his knowledge and he couldn't teach you anymore, now it was workout routines and health related stuff like early morning runs or protein shakes. You never told Sam that you'd rather eat one of Dean's masterpieces over those protein shakes. But he did start adding berries to yours which helped.

"Sorry..."

"Don't be sorry, Y/N, you haven't done anything wrong." He said, furrowing his brow.

You flinched when he tried to touch your hand again, so instead he huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. You cleared your throat and mirrored him, crossing your arms over the pillow you continued to squish to your chest.

"I'm on the spectrum, Dean." You said, making eye contact for a second and watching his features soften.

"I didn't know," he shook his head and sighed like he should've though. Because you were good friends, best friends; hell, half the time he flirted with you. Hard. That was probably the one thing he made painfully obvious, when he hit on you. But nothing ever came of it. Yet.

"I don't tell many people, at least not until we get to know each other. I'm not embarrassed or anything, it's a part of me and I like who I am. But some days, I just want to be me, you know? Without the label." You explained, shuffling over a bit when Dean sat next to you on the bed.

"I know what you mean, sweetheart," he chewed on his lip for a moment as if contemplating something, "I have ADHD... This is the first time I've told anyone. I won't give Sam the satisfaction of knowing he was right, he's been saying I have it for years and I just know he'll give me that 'I told you so' smirk he likes so much." He laughed and shrugged, "I'll eventually tell him though... One of these days."

"I know."

His eyes widened, "You do?"

"Yeah," you nodded, still tugging on the welt edge of the pillow case.

"How?"

"It's super obvious, Dean. You have way too much energy for someone your age, you're super impulsive, and you're easily distracted." You rambled your observations on his personality from the past year. Those were exactly the things you loved about him though.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that comment about my age." He gave you a pointed stare but you could tell he was teasing because he smiled, "Why'd you tell me now?"

"I've known you for a while now, I trust you won't treat me different. Kinda hard to explain all this too," you said, waving your hand to quickly gesture around the room. You hadn't noticed what you were doing in the moment, but now you realized you'd thrown more than half of his wardrobe onto the floor in your search for his softest clothing.

He shrugged, "Could've just said Cas was here. This is nothing, I've seen him do more damage than this before. I'd have believed it."

You shrugged, "I guess, I'm tired of lying to you, or not telling you the whole truth, especially you."

"You can always tell me the truth, sweetheart, and if I can't relate, I'll try to understand." He said, placing his hand between you like he hoped you'd grab it, "You're not alone, Y/N."

"Thank you," you swallowed, staring at his hand. You wanted to reach out but you couldn't convince your hands to let go of the pillow case.

"No, thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me. I appreciate it and everything you do for us. I honestly think we'd be lost without you. I know I would." He didn't say it in his usual flirting tone, but you knew it wasn't a joke either. There was definitely something more to those four words.

"So, you're not mad about the, y-your room?" You asked, pressing your face into the pillow and side eyeing him.

"No, but I am curious, now that we've brought up this whole honesty thing. What did you think of my last conquest? The bacon corn soufflé, you never did say much." He asked with a raise of his eyebrows and you scrunched up your face, "You know you’re not that great at hiding when you don't like something, why do you think I limit my culinary masterpieces to once a month and instead make cookies and pie mostly now?" He smiled showing off his pearly teeth.

You smiled too, "I could go for some cookies."

"I have half a batch in the freezer, wanna get some with me?"

You shook your head instantly, "It's too loud out there," you motioned to the hallway behind him.

"I have an idea, do you trust me?" He asked and you hesitated but ultimately nodded. Dean pulled open the drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, "Can I..?" He gestured as if he was going to put the headphones on you and you let him. It was so quiet and peaceful, you honestly don't know why you didn't think of this sooner.

You saw Dean's lips moving and lifted one side of the headphones, "What?"

"I said," he chuckled softly, "I'm gonna shower real quick and then I'll come get you for cookies and milk, okay?"

"Okay," you agreed and pulled the comforters up, holding them under your chin.

Dean ducked out of the room with a fresh pair of sweats and a tee tucked under his arm. Stopping at the door to glance back at you quickly. You gave him a soft smile and snuggled down into the bed again.

It felt like he was only gone for a second when he returned freshly showered with damp hair and smelling of, lavender? He used your body wash again, that always made you giggle; when tough-guy Dean smelt of pretty purple flowers.

He sat on the bed next to you and you lifted the headphones again, "Snack time?" He asked.

You glanced at the open bedroom door behind him and shook your head, "It's too bright." You let the headphones fall back into place and Dean raised a finger as if he needed a minute and disappeared out the door.

The lights in the hallway dimmed to half their brightness and Dean returned with a grin plastered on his face. He spread out his arms and raised his brows and you found the same smile plastered on your own face as you slid out of bed and followed him into the hall.

Dean left the lights off in the kitchen and grabbed the freezer bag of chocolate chip cookies from the freezer. He split open the bag and dug one out to hand to you, then popped one between his own lips, letting the warmth from his mouth defrost the dough before biting into it.

You sat on the counter and watched Dean move around the kitchen in the dark. He knew it like the back of his hand and in no time at all, there was a glass of milk in his hand and another one next to you. You shared the cookies until there were none and polished off your milk. Dean took the glasses and placed them in the sink before turning to you.

It was a comfortable silence as he stood in front of you but you couldn't hold his gaze for more than a second at a time. Until you caught his top lip and started laughing. You gestured to his milk-moustache and he chuckled by the roll of his shoulders and wiped it away. You wiped your mouth, just in case you had one too. He nodded his head towards the hallway and you followed him back to his room.

You already made up your mind that you were staying with him tonight and since he didn't push you towards your own room, you figured he was fine with that. You crawled into bed and lifted the headphones from your ears. You didn't really want to sleep with them on and you were feeling better now.

Dean grabbed the remote from his bedside table, "What do you say we watch a movie?"

"I don't think I'm up for a movie, De." You said, turning on your side to face him.

"Why not?" He replaced the remote and scooted down in bed next to you. Surprisingly he didn't make any move to touch you after his last few failed attempts and instead propped his head on his hand so he could look down at you comfortably.

"The screen moves too fast and I just need quiet, I still feel on edge a little bit." You explained.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" He asked.

"Hold me," you said, suddenly wanting to feel him surrounding you. He shifted closer and pulled you into his arms tentatively, "Tighter." He hugged you more, "Tighter." He squeezed you.

You sighed and nuzzled your face against his chest, feeling everything melt away as you melted into him. He kissed the top of your head with no intention of letting go and gave you another squeeze.

“Thank you,” you mumbled. “Dean? Can we get a dog?" This was an ongoing battle you were determined to win.

He sighed and kissed the top of your head again, "Only if I get to pick the name."

_________________________   Dean/Jensen: @akshi8278 @laycblack @thoughts-and-funnies @mrsjenniferwinchester @crustycheeks @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @lyarr24 @suckitands33 @eliwinchester99 @yvonneeeee

Forever SPN: @hobby27

Tell Me a Story Bingo: @princessvader15

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