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hellsbeenbettersincehesplit · 6 months

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What's this? Chapter 4 of shifting vertebrae is posted? Starring Valentino failing to be a detective and some interesting insight into the other side of people being confused by whatever tf Vel is up to?

Also, just a warning- I added a few tags for this one.

Cross-posted under the cut!

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Shifting Vertebrae

Chapter 4: An Interlude at Vee Tower

Valentino wasn’t quite as dumb as everyone seemed to think.

Well. Like everyone, he wasn’t the best judge of his own intelligence. But others seemed to assume a certain level of incompetence, and when Val let this assumption persist, he would typically get something out of it. People weren’t nearly as careful with their secrets as they should be around him, and when a deal maker can reveal information that you’d rather keep hidden… truly, exaggerating his stupidity and seeming incapable was a great recruitment tactic.

That’s not to say he was close to the other Vees. Or most overlords. He was around the same level as most sinners, and most sinners couldn’t play the games of overlord politics that his world was- that’s why most sinners never became overlord.

His Voxy could process information, statistics, and observations in the blink of an eye. His code could optimize their every business decision and respond expeditiously to new events. His cameras and memory ensured that nothing could get past him. And Vox had that smooth charisma that made people take their business seriously. Vel was likeable, Val was the sex appeal, and Vox was the perfect company representative.

Even more than Vox, however... Vel had people skills beyond what Valentino had thought was possible. She didn’t even have enhanced intellect from her descent, but that didn’t keep her from walking into a room, observing every scrap of information, and then drawing correct conclusions on her back burner while pushing the right buttons to end up exactly where she wanted to be. Vox and Vel both had gaps- his processors were perfect with hard facts, but his interpretations were a bit slower. He tended to rely a bit on his mind-controlling powers. Vel could take the facts from Vox and identify exactly what weak points he’d found. Usually her conclusions were correct. The scariest part? People almost never realized what she was doing in the first place.

Val wouldn’t want to be against either of the two. And if they were together against him, he may as well give up.

So, of course Val knew something was going on with Velvette, and of course he didn’t like that he didn’t know what. He’d barely seen her all week, she refused to discuss the friend she was staying with, and she had done something nice for her employees. What the fuck?

When he brought it up, her response was, “Ask Vox.” She hadn’t even glanced away from the lighting design she was considering for the next fashion show! She typed suggestions furiously, clearly not paying Valentino’s interruption any attention. Valentino honestly thought the design looked fine, but the last time he had made a comment like that about her work, she’d refused to produce the outfits he’d needed for his pornos for two weeks.

When Valentino did ask Vox, the reply was, “Vel’s mad?”

Which meant she was likely mad at Val specifically, and he had no fucking idea why. He was supposed to be the one always angry over small reasons! Over the past three months, nothing he’d done should’ve upset her. Velvette hadn’t been angry with Val like this since that time she’d found out about how he created the overlords porn series and hired her cousin to act as her. (In his defense, she’d refused! He was just following the money. He’d been comitted enough to producing the full set that he’d even found someone to act as a fake Alastor. That demon was in hiding since the real radio demon came back, but that wasn’t a problem for Valentino. In any case, the last thing he needed was a resurgence of that argument.)

Maybe she was thinking about that again? He dialed Vox’s number.

“Voxy,” he purred into the phone.

“Val,” Vox responded flatly. “What do you want?”

“Can you check the viewing statistics on my old overlord series?”

“Same levels as always. Why, do you need them pushed? Are you doing a remake so soon after the initial production?”

“Just curious.” So it wasn’t that. Val hung up the phone in his office, feet on the table. Why were women so irrational?

See, this was where he was weak. Velvette was supposed to be their emotional intelligence. They needed a second Velvette or some shit if they wanted to ever decode the one they already had.

He could ask, but that hadn’t worked the first few times, and it wouldn’t work the next.

“Sir?” One of the actors called out to him with a knock on his office door, interrupting his train of thought. “Are you ready for us to continue filming?”

So his ‘take five’ had run out. Valentino opened the door with mild distaste, reluctantly made his way to the director’s chair, and called out, “Action!”

Between shots, Velvette posted her two-week update on the ‘experiment.’ Like all her sinstagram posts, she looked fantastic- it focused on her typing on a computer in a professional-looking black blouse. She’d deemed this a business post: It resembled her other posts discussing the Voxtech corporation, giving off the perfect professional-yet-trendy vibe. The caption discussed the success of her ‘experiment’ and the notable increases in productivity. Val seethed when he saw that she’d said that other overlords would likely benefit from implementing similar strategies.

They were in fucking hell. Weak-ass sinners were lucky to gain power from an overlord. If they can work harder from breaks, they can work harder without them. This wasn’t for productivity, it couldn’t be. No, this was some kind of power play. At best, an attempt to look like the nice overlord to attract new sinners. Maybe a way of shifting public opinion to make her look better when some shit hits the fan, or keeping attention away from some ongoing scandal.

Valentino had to figure out what was going on to keep them all intact, but he was miles from figuring out whatever Vel was hiding.

“You,” he ordered, pointing at a random nerdy-looking sound tech of his. “Schedule me a meeting with the other Vees.”

There! Now, the three of them could have a nice, open, honest conversation. Whatever this was, it could be fixed or strengthened by working together. That’s how they’d built their empire, and that’s how they would maintain it. This problem would go away with a little communication.

And yet, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” was the response he’d gotten from Vel.

“Your little sinstagram stunt? The fact that you’ve been avoiding us? I looked at your content, and you haven’t even promoted the actors in my latest porn to trending!”

Vel only picked her nails with an eye roll. “You’re overstating things. Not my fault nobody cares about your shitty actors.”

“No the fuck I’m not-” Vox’s hand caught his arm before he could take his emotion out the usual way.

“In any case,” Vel’s eyes narrowed with distaste, “Vox knows exactly what he did.”

“No he doesn’t!”

Vel raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

Vox’s claws scraped the table. “I would know if you’d fucking tell me! “ His voice changed the way it sometimes did when he was angry.

Velvette didn’t even glance at them. “Look, I have SinToks to review for the latest trending sound.” She stood. “Why don’t you two put your two braincells and single line of code together and see if you can think for once in your afterlives.” Then she fucking walked away from Val? What the fuck?

“That bitch!”

Vox sighed. “Val, it’s a lost cause. Whatever this is, she’ll tell us eventually, just like the last time we upset her.”

“And wait for our empire to crumble while she has her pity party?” He responded. “Look through your memory! What was the thing two and a half months ago that got her like this?”

“Nothing from that week should have made her upset,” Vox replied after a moment of processing.

Val was pacing. “Is she just being crazy?”

“Babe,” Vox interjected, his tone infuriatingly calm. “We clearly can’t get to the bottom of this right now. Why don’t you take this out on your workers, and I’ll review some camera footage?”

Val groaned. “Will you call me when you find something?”

Voxy smiled. “Of course.”

So here Val was, having stormed back to set. “Cut!” Val called out. “Make it faster, make it rougher! Nobody watches mafia for whatever this slow shit is.” It was fine, honestly, but nobody got to leave until Val felt better about that meeting.

If only he could order the rest of his life into perfection. At least here, there were no cryptic phrases and confusing actions. When there were, he could weed them out. Around the other overlords, everything was schemes, and Val could tell he was a chess piece without knowing what each side wanted from him.

Whatever this shit with Velvette was, he would solve it if it’s the last goddamn thing he did. And if he couldn’t, Vox would. It was only a matter of time.

#velvette #hazbin hotel velvette #valentino #valentino hazbin hotel #hazbin #hazbin hotel #the vees #fanfic #backbone of the Vs #val #shifting vertebrae

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felikatze · 1 year

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Etranger (Z.H.P. Unlosing Ranger vs Darkdeath Evilman): This sardonic toddler has arrived on Bizarro Earth to show the unlosing ranger how it's done! Between endlessly making fun of him and occasionally giving useful tips, Etranger is here to train the wannabe ranger so he can defeat Darkdeath Evilman and save the Super Baby, a baby prophecised to have unlimited power and save the world. These powers happen to include astral projection. Yes, I meant "toddler" literally.

Why I like this dude: Absolute bastard child. It's so funny. Your companions in this game are a dead guy and a baby. The baby keeps making fun of the dead guy and you just kinda wanna Survive this ordeal. The character combination of sheer and total arrogance because her appearance is heralded in prophecy and clueless about how anything works because she was just born this year is ridiculous. ZHP formed the backbone of my self-confidence for a CONSIDERABLE chunk of time so Etranger is in part responsible for the glorious being hosting this tournament today. Thank you Etranger.

Nagyunn (The Ember Knight): After his twin brother Najin is killed right before his eyes, Nagyunn vows revenge against the mysterious Masked Bandits, by taking up Najin's name and uncovering the truth. Pretending to be Najin is no easy feat; for one, Nagyunn was hated by all, where Najin was adored. For another, Najin was a once-in-a-century knight prodigy. Nagyunn has no physical skills whatsoever. With nothing but his wits and a talent for pretending, Nagyunn has to keep up the charade while solving his brother's murder.

Why I like this dude: god i love protags who lie. i love identity shenanigans. Nagyunn gives up on all his dreams to avenge Najin. He pretends Nagyunn was killed instead and NOBODY grieves him. How fucked up is that. To still be alive and know the only person who'd miss you is dead in your grave. The sheer mindgames throughout the entire comic. And the recent arc where Nagyunn just ARGHRGR. Love this dude. He has no skills besides Bold Faced Lying so every confrontation is one elaborate series of deception checks. It's great. Go read The Ember Knight, out now for free on webtoon.

#Feli's Blorbo Brawl #the ember knight #zhp #zhp unlosing ranger vs darkdeath evilman #THANK U ZHP FOR CURING MY ANXIETY SOMEHOW???#genuienly to this day zhp is the backbone of my self esteem. me in any difficult situation:#'the ultimate victory unlosing ranger wouldn't give up here!! i can do this!!'

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