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winwinwrites · 9 months ago

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Love to get lost in you

Pariring: Enya (human Oc)/liminal spaces (backrooms)

Word count: 2.8k

Summary:

Enya and her life with a deep fascination with liminal spaces.

Notes: The main Character Enya (she/xe) can be read as any gender; is also Aplatonic, Aromantic and Asexual

Read on Ao3 || My Ao3 || Other Os/Or works

Creepypastas, horror stories, any and all kind of morbid stuff is nothing new to Enya, well teenage Enya that is. Xe was engrossed in all those fandoms, looking at all types of creepy and gory stuff which wouldn't let her sleep at night, not worrying what lasting effects it might have on her young and vulnerable not quite fully developed brain.

Though while scrolling an unhealthy amount of time through social media on a not so special day she stumbled onto something strange, something new which piqued her interest.

Enya doesn't remember exactly that many uneventful day to day activities, many hours spend on the internet gone from her memory just like that, but one, to any onlooker seeming insignificant, moment stands out clear as day, a day which shaped her in a way which impacted the way she lives today as an adult. Maybe not xis proudest moment, but it isn't a moment that she regrets. Would not trade anything in the world for it to have turned out another way for her.

The concept of liminal spaces, places in which someone seemingly slips into a realm beyond any human understanding, for no rhyme or reason really, is not something new per say. On paper it actually sounds like something quite intimidating, a force to be reckoned with indeed. A higher power of pure coincidence which one could not argue with at all.

After all humans are used to everything existing, being and experiencing everything for a reason, or at least for the experience of said everything being real, comprehensible for a person, the lack of this certainty, of his unknown, strips us bare, tugs the carpet from under our shaky unaware feet, takes away the safety net of knowing 'why?'.

But the liminal could care less, doesn't care, in fact spits in everyone's faces laughing at our foolish facade of security, at the people who got glitched into it and the ones who breath out in relieve that they haven't been the next victim. In actuality it is not like it even enjoys it, people just feels like that, it feels like whoever is "chosen" gets to be sucked away from the comfort of reality into the greedy hands of the liminal void has a reason to be picked, but there is an even more cruel way for how it functions.

It is random.

There is no rhyme or reason why anyone should glitch into the in between, well maybe if one was someplace where it would be reminiscent of the backrooms for example one might have a higher chance to disappear, but other than that no one is safe ever and the inability to change that, to tip the cards in your favour is scary. The helplessness of it all, to just deal with the cards you have been given until you get dragged away from the game in the first place or you can just continue as always. It is weird to think about being somewhere where someone might have been taken from the earth mare moments ago.

Perhaps people feel more diminished in value because it is random, there is nothing that chose you for anything, nothing of significance which has led you up in the liminal spaces, it could have been the neighbour or someone completely unrelated to ones life and it would make no notable change whatsoever. Not being important or special enough.

But that is all that there is to it, it is just a concept. Something scary to share with people and move on to more mundane parts of life. It could have been that, Enya could have read through the post, maybe looked a bit into it and be done with it, not let its impact linger on xim, but it did.

The thrill of life was raised a bit that day, only a little bit by the paranoia of something like that actually happening to her, as fictional and unlikely as it seems, but that has stopped no one from fearing monsters of other scales. Just because something isn't real doesn't mean that the fear tied to it will magically disappear, maybe lessen, but it might remind there stubborn while one overthinks. Actually the most rational thing would be to accept that it isn't real and move on like always, but the fear of a 'what if...' would always linger and catch one off guard when one least expects it. This constant anxiety which crept up Enyas younger-self back and whispered uncertainties into her already overthinking mind.

Even though believing in the backrooms and the liminal spaces overall seems like something more than an intimidating concept at its core, Enya can't help but somehow still feel drawn to it after all those years, maybe even believe in its existence, even if it is just wishful thinking. That topic is still very dear to her after a good chunk of years. Interests shifted, just like she as a person changed, but that little thing of xis, she never managed to shake of her adoration for it all.

At this point Enyas believe could be regarded as conspiracy, but in the end xe would not be surprised if the government would be hiding the existence of liminal spaces for selfish gain or just to not cause an outbreak of panic within the common public. Covering up random unexplainable disappearances as just that, nothing abnormal, to soothe the average person. Though that is just a silly theory that she has made up. Though it is nice to think about it.

Like a fantasy she likes to pretend.

Though it isn't on xis mind constantly, just how one wouldn't always think about a shark attack, only while swimming in the ocean does the minuscule chance of it happening enter your thoughts; it is similarly with liminal spaces and being sucked into them for her. Most often when xe is somewhere where it reminds her of it does xe feel a strange pull.

Though the difference between those situation is that Enya likes to bask in the moment whenever it happens, if there is a chance to do so. Let xemself linger, take action via taking pictures of spaces which make her feel this nostalgic or eerie way. It was a habit xe developed soon after starting to follow a few liminal spaces accounts after finding out about it.

Maybe that is why Enya hasn't made the safest choices while going home on a few occasions, a little bit more than she would like to name, traversing through dark alleyways and so on, but still xe tries to be as cautious as possible. The feeling of an ever looming threat and this comfort which came from the familiarity of recognition calming xim whenever it is present, subduing her awareness, that's why she likes to not get too carried away with such risky encounters. Nothing bad has happened yet, but xe would like it to remain this way.

Of course dark and dangerous places weren't the only ones which Enya feels drawn to. Not all spaces make her feel the same, with a few years already engorssed into exploring different spaces she has learned a lot about xis prefrences. For example xe has come to realise that walking through empty neighbourhoods fill her with more dread than a snowy forest devoid of life does in a different way. Possibly due to how unusual it was to see a neighbourhood just so uncomfortably quiet. Still, that doesn't stop you from enjoying the high of the thrill.

In both spaces, those calming or intimidating moments xe likes to pretend that she is just traversing the world of liminality.

Which does feel silly at times, embarrassing really when she first used to actively seek out places reminiscent of the many pictures she has come to adore as a teen. But back then xe has been way more insecure about her likes and felt like everyone would judge her, no one would be friends with her and what not.

Now she is much more secure about herself, about xis likes and being as a person, realising that it doesn't matter what anyone does and that she doesn't need other people in xis life to enjoy it. In fact Enya enjoyed it most when she could just be alone most of the time, sure company here and there wasn't unwelcome, her family still was a blast to hang around with, but only in moderation, to a certain degree.

Enyas lack of deeper friendships made it easier to move from the city she has grew up in and lived in for all her life to somewhere more quieter. It is easier to find those moments of positive solitude while out in nature where no one pesters xim. In cities there are hardly ever times where xe is able to just take a stroll and find the place to be devoid of humans. Though the night time does provide her with it, xe wouldn't consider it safe enough to be intimidated by the state of the lack of humans presence only. There is a higher chance of someone lurking in the dark who is ready to do unspeakable things to xim, which scares you more and takes away from the liminal magical bubble xe would like to engross herself in.

Liminal spaces are scary, but humans have proven themselves to be able to be scarier sometimes.

Personally Enya has grown a bigger appreciation for the woods or other nature rich places more because of it, the loud hustle and bustle of the city was just not doing it for xim, makes you feel more disconnected with her interests. It feels like people that she doesn't know are third-wheeling her and that mysterious something from far away, but still not far enough.

Though xe will have to admit that corridors of different buildings do appeal to her, but there is only so many buildings xe can enter without having to pay first, like a hotel room for example. She only earns that much to sleep out that much.

Besides, Enya has got caught one to many times trying to take a picture of a hallway, just for a person to exit a room and look at her weirdly and with judgement, which is weird in her opinion, since they clearly didn't know what they were for.

Nature is just a judgement free zone.

In most cases anyway.

That is why Enya moved to a village, it has been a drastic change for some aspects of her life. Like the way to work being longer than usual, the public transport coming in more rare intervals than she is used to and that there was just generally more nature surrounding her. Though xe doesn't mind at all. All possible inconveniences which could possibly come up were nothing in comparison what she has gained in return.

For example there are plenty of empty fields, woods and mountainous areas nearby for xim to just bask in and live her fantasies out in full, without having to worry that someone might walk down the street every five seconds like in the city. This kind of chosen loneliness does bring a kind of peace with it which she slowly became accustomed too quickly to be considered healthy.

Enya doesn't mind interacting with people and people she has learned to consider acquaintances, but mostly xe thrives the most while alone in liminal spaces, even if it is just in her mind. Hobbies like writing, reading, drawing, photography have all found appeal to xim, because she can share them with the space xe so fondly spends her time with so much. Picnics and just spending her time sitting in clearings in the woods became just as natural as other parts of her routine. It doesn't have to be somewhere different each time, it is special no matter where the feeling of uncanny valley pulls her in.

Hours have been spent doing whatever Enya felt like doing that day just enjoying the looming presence which she can't put a finger on, but it feels familiar in a way. In those moments xe feels the most safe and protected. It seems silly really, but xe likes it, she likes to just exist in her little bubble, free from anything other than the presence of the unknown.

For now, since Enya moved, she lives alone, there is a possibility of her looking for a possible roommate again, but xe has noticed that it isn't for xim. Not that her past roommate, when she was still in collage wasn't lovely, quite the opposite, but she just prefers the peace and quiet that comes with not having one. Also the lack of judgement from coming home late at night or the amount of time, or the lack off, spend in the actual living quarters.

Besides she isn't really looking for friends all that much either, still. It is quite weird actually when it comes to her and friendships. Xe can't really recall a time where she was the first one to walk up to someone with the clear intention to garner a new friend since childhood, a kid just content with her own toys. Of course most people had other plans and did indeed plan on befriending xim some, on rare occasions, succeeding. It is not like she is going out of xis way to be unpleasant to people or god forbid rude, xe isn't; it is just that she really isn't going out of xis way to get friends. Now xe has a handful of people xe is comfortable with considering friends, which she enjoys to talk to every now and again, even meeting up with them for a fun game night or two.

Something similar is the case for Enya and romantic partners. People do display interest in xim sometimes, which flatters xim, but xe always manages to turn them down for a certain distressed which xe gets with the whole romantical display with another human. It simply isn't for xim, which there haven been statement about that which has made it easy to exclude certain people from xis life.

That realisation didn't come easy to Enya in the beginning, xe is mature to admit it that she didn't have everything figured out. It was a bumpy and not pretty road accepting the fact that xe will never experience romantic or sexual attraction to another human and that is A okay. Self hatred came, looking back on it embarassingly, easy back when she was still a teen with friendships and romantic relationships being engrained within society. Love is indeed a big driving factor for a lot of people, heck, xis love for liminal spaces led her to live in a lovely village xe has learned to adore to call home, but that love rarely translates well for her towards other humans, only reserved for some of your family and a couple of friends coming to mind, but those are rare exceptions in her life. But xe wouldn't want it any other way. Enya has learned to be okay.

But it isn't always cupcakes and rainbows.

The critique xe has got from some relatives and some past friends regarding her love life and xe seeming "apathetic" towards friendships in general soured some of xis, already small amount, past relationships and days to come. For those off hand comments that they made, which didn't even probably seem rude to them and more of a joke, hurt xim and left her selfconcious. Left feeling like xe was wrong for not being inclined to jump at any opportunity to just spew love all around herself via platonic or romantic affection. It is not because xe is unable to, it is just that she just doesn't feel the urge to do so.

Towards humans mostly that is.

Something harder to realise than that whole fiasco, was the fact that she actually had this love reserved for someone, or should xe say something other entirely.

It does seem easy, in movies and shows, books and many stories alike a declaration of love, to accept that one loves someone appears to be as easy as blinking, but reality and fiction in this case were nothing alike for xim. Especially when it comes to such an "unconventional" type of love. For something that can't actually be touched, for something that doesn't really exist.

Well that is not right either, because it exists to xim, exists in xis mind and heart.

No one could sooth quite like the infinite timeless space does. It is quite funny to her to see people change and morph it into something that it is not, a place filled with monsters and such, a mockery of its original devoid of life space, but there is nothing she could do about it other than think of those as just other versions which other people have come to adore, even when it differs so much to xis vision. From the beginning, from their meeting it was well known that this isn't only hers to have and xe is fine with that.

Enya will just enjoy her little life, in her little village, with something that she holds very dearly to xis heart.

#liminal spaces #backrooms #liminalcore #original story #objectum #conceptum #objectum sexuality #neopronouns #main character uses neopronouns #Os/Or #objectophilia #object romantic #☀️#☁️

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