#balling where can i get something like that. IDK!!! i like to check my mutuals blogs every once in a while

[puppyeared]

how cool are you with like. spam reblogs bc i keep staring at ur art really hard and then doing a total 180 and end up not reblogging anything which is REALLY lame but it's bc i know myself and wanted to avoid spamming as much as possible bc id end up reblogging 95% of ur posts BAUDHJSF

MEGA 10000000% ENCOURAGED ACTUALLY if you like it a lot then go for it!! i dont find it annoying at all and im surethat goes for a lot of artists. i think i can safely say we're just glad u like it enough to go "HEY LOOK WGAT THIS PERSON MADE". also id take it over a row of likes any day

if you are worried about spamming notifications you could always try queueing or saving it as a draft!! so you can decide when you want it reblogged or let the site decide for u <3

[sukunasweetheart]

Headcanons for sukuna as a volleyball player - idk if i wanted this to be set during highschool or not so i guess it'll be kinda generic or all over the place haha,, dedicated to @luvkun4 my love, who likes haikyuu and sukuna so its a perfect combo for her

warnings; NSFW, throat fucking, rough and angry sex, degradation, femme reader, youre kinda his pocket pu$$y but also his sweet gf, minor angst but with happy end -- this wouldve been a good fic but i dont have the energy for a fully written fic nowadays, im alr working on a billion rn

edit; THIS ENDED UP BEING SO LENGTHYY sorry, i wanted to add in the drama

right.. idk from where i should unpack this

we all know... sukuna would be competitive as fuck.

i know for a fact that he hates losing so much

which is what makes him such a good player tbh, the balls not gonna touch the ground as long as hes around

he’s a wing spiker, and definitely the ace (cough, totally not inspired by this gorgeous fanart)

hes so mean and arrogant but is willing to demonstrate teamwork in order to win and so theres obvious respect between him and his teammates

uraume is the manager, tho its clear that they favour sukuna the most pff

sukunas such a powerful player, no one can beat him one on one and hes so sexy when hes playing seriously

volleyball sukuna and his fuckin horse cock, u bet u wanna get wrecked by his shii

problem is, i cant find a creative way of how yall first met 

idk, probably through mutual friends, out in a big group at a restaurant ?? maybe you hooked up with him afterwards and you both caught feelings for each other

yeah something along those lines

anyway ofc seggs after matches are a regular thing haha

its almost an expectation that you come to see his games now

here comes the smut smut smut

vb sukuna would totally drag you into the unisex bathrooms so you can “help him relax” right before the game starts...

nothing like cumming down your throat to get him all warmed up

and youre such a whore for him, you can never say no bc YOU DONT WANT TOOO <3

even tho you make a fuss about the icky floor pfft, he grunts and lays a bunch of toilet paper for u to kneel on, what a gentleman

his soft groans as he lodges his thick cock into your warm mouth, and then pushing your head down to go even deeper

the pleasures just too great, the thrilling mixture of being in a public toilet right before a big match, fucking your tight throat raw

and your teary eyes, fluttering your lashes up at him with a mouthful of dick, he could laugh from how adorable you look

after hes done spurting stringy thick ropes of his seed down your esophagus hes just: “thanks babe... you sucked the nerves right outta me.”

and you know its bullshit bc hes smirking in that sarcastic way, and its a fact that sukuna doesnt know what it feels to be nervous!!!

lucky for you, he treats you better than anyone else - he wipes your mouth and kisses you before parting ways with you

likes to give you another smirk once he finds you amongst the audience

its crazy how much energy he still has after games

on the rare occasions when his team loses... oh boy

100% takes his frustration out using sex

just thinking abt the simmering anger...practically throws you onto his bed

pins your body down and slamming into you with his whole body weight

ruins you so bad, bruises and bites literally everywhere

but like... you’re into that shit

butterflies in stomach whenever the other team ends up winning

“ugh...fuckin’ squeezing me like that... you don’t want me to stop, do you?”

“maybe you like it when i lose a game. what a whore.”

“sukuna...sukuna, too bi-big..”

“oh? and you’d think this cunt would be pretty used to it by now,” he responds cockily. it turns you on when he uses such vulgar language.

spills so many loads into you, youre like a cream filled donut by the end

spanks you too, handprints on your ass and all - omg imagine the strength as a vb player

the aftercare is nice, usually he brings you to the bath immediately and check you out if you need ointment applied to your skin or vice versa

but it wouldnt be surprising if he got lazy with it on some days, especially after an exhausting game, having sex on top of that is gotta be tough

also he spends a lot of time training and practicing, which adds to your loneliness

sometimes you overthink it and feel like youre just being used, but instead of communicating it, you just act more sensitively around him

and vb sukuna sucks at picking up the small cues, so he just thinks youre being unreasonable

the two of you get into a pretty heated argument which ends with you storming off one time

theres a bit of silent treatment going on, but then afterwards you start talking with him “normally” again

theres an obvious distance growing between you and him, and your attitude is colder than it used to be. sukuna thinks its something thatll pass sooner or later

but then you text him, saying that you wont be able to come and see his game

thats not right. hes had a few fights with you before, but you’ve never skipped out on coming to watch him like this, ever.

but being a prideful tsundere he is, he just replies with a “do whatever you want” before chucking his phone off to the side (which he checks later again, to see if you said anything more after that. you didnt.)

on the day of the match, hes constantly checking the crowd if youre there

its not like *glance* he cares *glance* about you coming *glance* or anything *glance*

his mates raise eyebrows and tell him to focus properly and hes never looked scarier lmao

they won in the end, but the taste of victory isnt the same

the group wants to celebrate and go to some restaurant to eat but he skips out and goes home alone

and when he opens his door to an empty and dark living room, he cant shake off the feeling of uneasiness in the pit of his stomach

totally doesnt google search “signs of an incoming breakup”

feels worse afterwards

eats a nice and nutritious meal he cooked for himself, but it tastes kinda like cardboard

i said previously that sukuna doesnt know what feeling nervous is, but now he does, hes terrified youre gonna pull the breakup card on him, he wont know how to deal with that

he has a feeling that if he doesnt do something about this now, he will lose his chance forever

sukuna calls you but you dont pick up

he finds his way to your front door and rings the bell, and you call out from the other side asking him what he wants from you

“why didnt you pick up any of my calls? i want to talk.”

he hates how whiny he sounds.

you crack open the door ever so slightly, so only one of your eyes are visible to him

“about what?”

“about... this. about us.”

“...you’ve been crying. let me in.”

he gently pushes open your door and you stand out of the way, letting him

...and he starts with an apology. about saying mean things to you during the argument, about acting like he doesnt care when he does (he cares so much abt you that it drives him mad), pretending not to notice how upset you were

you watch him sternly, but end up bursting into tears bc youre so relieved he came out and admitted to his faults, and that theres hope for this relationship

youre bawling as he pulls you into his arms, and you confess that not going to see him and treating him coldly was the hardest thing youve ever done in your life

sukunas so relieved you still feel deeply for him, and simultaneously upset bc youre upset

you reveal that youve been feeling neglected, feeling like he only liked you for your body, and you too, apologise for not communicating that and acting sensitively instead

hes appalled, calls you an idiot but then retracts that statement and denies ever having thought in that way

the two of you snuggle up so close together in your bed, communicating and chatting and catching up for hours while he occasionally eyes the mountain of used tear-filled tissues in your room, rather concerned

for a while, he doesnt initiate sexual activity unless you specifically want it bc he wants to prove he likes spending quality time with you just as much <3

and when sex does eventually happen, he makes it very romantic and meaningful, with proper aftercare, continuously whispering “i love you,” throughout

and he shall do anything to have you keep loving him back.

some general stuff with vb sukuna:

mad tall. i wont give an exact number but anywhere between 195 - 200cm tall :>

mad horny. hes like an animal

hes such a big eater,, i mean, i see sukuna as a big eater in any au but this one in particular bc hes an athlete haha

u probably make protein shakes for him and stuff, but hes not rly on a strict diet or anything, he just eats anything and everything

has a lotta fangirls >:( but he ignores them now, after he met you >:) but before, he probably played around a lot and hooked up with some >:( he never liked any of them to stick around, tho >:) except you >:)

goes on morning runs, at like 6am and gives u a kiss on the cheek beforehand

is so fucking touchy clingy, always needs you on his lap, hands under your skirt or shirt

the last guy who tried to hit on you got a nosebleed, getting hit with a volleyball (its so funny, he changed his aim mid-spike during a practice match)

haha he was sent to the bench for that one (everyone was chuckling behind their hands)

the headband was given to him by you, bc he once complained abt having to gel his hair every morning + gel doesnt keep his hair in shape when hes sweating excessively

thats all for today <3 thanks for reading

Masterlist

tagging; @yuujispinkhair @moonchild-artemisdaughter @skunaskitten

[veryspecialfungus]

can i interest you in a dion & morris friendship. idk why but i feel like these two would have a "only one of them has the braincell at any given time and you can never tell which" sort of chaotic dynamic. i don't know how to explain it i just know that morris would keep a quote book full of stupid/funny things his friends say and dion would end up contributing a lot of stupid shit to that. dion would be doing an acrobatics routine and morris would be ironically heckling/cheering him on. morris daring dion and gisu to do stupid shit and learning which buttons to push to get dion to actually do the stupid shit.

like i just. i may just be projecting a dynamic that wouldn't even work but like. the image in my head of these two interacting on any level of friendliness is just two chaotic dumbasses going at it. they have a hairstyle rivalry that's mostly just a bit. they are mutual annoyances. vitriolic dion & morris friendship my beloved

also it'd probably take them a while to even get to the point of "annoys the other out of friendship" but like. once they get past the vitriol it just turns into one giant bit

i'm sorry if none of this was coherent i just really needed to ramble this brainrot out of my head.

Dion realizes that he doesn't actually know where Queepie has been going every day since they got to this stupid forest with its stupid singing rocks or whatever and stupid ape man thing diorama in the cave and stupid weird girl in the pancake place who yells at animals and stares at him like a serial killer whenever he's in eyeshot. He may or may not be having some complicated feelings about his relationship with Raz right now, and decides that he should at least check on his other little brother so that doesn't go all weird on him too.

He tracks down that awful radio rock song to the Psychonauts headquarters, which he thinks he's probably not allowed near? But nobody stops him when he hops over the floating platform thingies and they can read minds right? Like, if he wasn't supposed to be here, they'd find him. He thinks they would, but maybe psychics DON'T actually force their way into your mind like he'd been told they did all his life? He's learned a lot of really obvious things about psychics recently and the little voice in his head that says that he might only be dating (and there's a MASSIVE question mark there, they haven't actually...talked. About that.) a psychic because she's mind-controlling him into it has been getting quieter and quieter.

He wants to be able to say something cool like "if that's mind control, take my free will any time" except he can't make it sound good when it comes out of his mouth. He practiced it last night. Mom overheard and she gave him The Look, and The Look only comes out when she can't find the words to tell him what he's doing wrong but it's SOMETHING and he'd better knock it off.

Anyway, he flips up the pipe, up the branches, and through the window and the first thing he sees is Queepie dancing his tiny heart out and the first thing he hears is a slightly accented voice say "Hey! You're gonna make it skip!"

Dion turns around and sees a kid sitting in lawn chair with a giant bubble of something underneath. It takes him a minute to place where he's seen it before: Raz, zipping back and forth across the forest on some non-circus business on a ball of...brain power stuff, Dion guesses.

Queepie shouts in the most irritating little kid voice: "Hey Dion, look! His hair's better than yours!"

And the kid gets this giant shit-eating grin and runs his hand through his ridiculous purple pompadour and goes "Yeah. I know."

It started there. And it continued when Dion learned that Morris had one up on him: he already knew who Dion was because he was friends with Gisu. And he'd been broadcasting all the things he used to believe about psychics as station breaks! Wheelchair or not, Dion could have strangled him right on the spot.

But...not in front of his brother. And maybe not where Gisu would find out he did it either. Except no, he can't do that either because Morris apparently knows everything about everyone and maybe he IS reading minds or maybe everyone in the entire Psychonauts is gossiping about them because somehow Morris always seems to know where they're going to be. It's not like the tall guy with the hat who sometimes calls Dion "ladykiller" on the rare moments they see each other, not to him but to Gisu when she's standing near him like it's a private joke between them. He's always smiling when he says it, and it's not a mean smile like the girl in the orange who prods him about the stuff she's heard him say like she's being sneaky. The blue girl and the serial killer don't seem to care, and that leaves Morris, and Morris is a pain in the butt.

Morris likes to give Gisu and Dion shout outs on his radio station when he knows they'll be out alone and then his mom hears it on Queepie's radio and finds them immediately and drags them back to the caravan for "supervision." He hasn't even stopped since Gisu slugged him. Morris also likes to tease Gisu about how scrawny Dion is, and it makes Dion get hot in his chest and grit his teeth and point out that he has an ACROBAT'S build and he can't even figure out why he feels that way when Morris says crap like that. And then he feels the need to prove Morris wrong and Morris AND Gisu egg him on while he's doing stunts and before he knows it he's juggling fire while standing on his hand and then Gisu has to go smuggle a first aid kit out of Otto's lab.

"See, I told you I could do it!" says Dion while Gisu yanks at his hand while bandaging his burns.

"You sure did. Too bad I didn't have a camera for that one."

"I bet I could get Otto to give me one," says Gisu, with a gleam in her eye, and it's Morris who says "oh, heck yeah!" genuinely excited. And so is Dion.

And late that night, when Gisu is sleeping under the stars and using her skateboard as a pillow and Dion and Morris are letting marshmallows burn to a crisp in the caravan's campfire, the two of them talk, and every other sentence that comes out of their mouths is "you're such a douchebag."

And he is. Dion thinks Morris is a complete douchebag. He's going to let him film him doing the stunt, and that's going to show Morris how much of a douchebag Dion isn't, even though Morris keeps calling him that.

Until then, Dion puts more logs on the fire, and Morris keeps talking.

[mountswhore]

𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐞 — mason mount

summary: meeting through mutual friends, you and mason hit it off.

notes: none of my fics are real, never thought i would have to say this. do football teams even have a masseuse? idk it’s fake guys.

requests are open, just look for my prompt lists.

“They’re good for each-other.”

for @vintagebishx

You’d been friends with a few of the United boys for years, working at their club as a masseuse. You’d become super close with Lingard, who you were lucky to find out had made the squad for the World Cup. And you’d been hired as the squad’s masseuse. It was a challenging job, but paid off as you made some great friendships. You and Jesse hung out outside of work many times.

It was your first training session with the England boys, and you were nervous, to say the least. Men in general make you nervous, so working closely with them was bound to make you shake. You watched closely as they piled onto the turf, making conversation and standing in front of you and a few other officials.

One of the trainers had waited for the group to quieten down. “Morning, lads. We have a new masseuse for the team this year, please treat her with respect. She’ll be coming round to assist you with any stuff joints and whatnot.” You smiled at the group, catching a few eyes, but kept your eyes away from anyone else’s to avoid awkward stares.

The training had kicked off, a group of boys heading to each section. It was all the same stuff you were used to, except it was national level. Not club level. You had your clipboard and pen, a huge list of each player, and an empty space which you presumed you’d write what exactly you were assisting them with. Now, where to start?

You’d been here for an hour, making sure the boys had all written down what exactly they needed taken care of each training session. And finally you had gotten to Mason Mount. You’d heard about him, sure, but you’d never met him in person. You were fairly new to National team work.

“Mount.” You called, his head turning towards you immediately. You beckoned him over, ignoring the small ‘ooh’s coming from his fellow teammates. Mason had jogged over with a grin on his face, waiting for you to respond. “I just need you to write down what you’d like me to focus on this week. It changes whenever you need it to, so for example, if your ankles were feeling a bit stiff, you’d let me know and I can get that sorted for you,” you explained, feeling his breath fan down your neck as he towered over you. He was looking intently at the clipboard, seeing what other teammates were down for, most requesting a weekly check-in for their calves and thighs.

“What if I don’t need anything checked on?” He pondered, scratching the slight stubble collecting on his jaw. You could barely remain professional as his smirk wouldn’t disappear.

“Unfortunately, I don’t take no for an answer in this business.” You stated, Jesse passing you both and smirking at Mason. It seemed like the whole team knew something you didn’t, it was quite intimidating. Like sitting at the front of a classroom, and a group at the back were giggling; it didn’t mean they were laughing at you, but it felt like it. “Isn’t that right, Jes?”

Jesse nodded, patting your head before jogging away. “Don’t take that as an invitation to pat my head, Mount.” You told him, watching as he slowly retracted his hand back to his side. “So what’s it going to be? I’ll even massage your head for you.”

“I guess, my arms? They’ve been feeling pretty stiff.” He suggested, grabbing the pen from your hand and writing it down beside his name. “I know it’s not football related, but if I had to choose something.”

“Any part of your body could be stiff, even if you don’t use it to play, it could throw off your whole game.” You declared, taking your pen and clipboard back from him. He’d scrawled, in his messy handwriting, what he needed working on. And added a small winky face beside his name.

As the weeks progressed, you’d had continuous meetings with the boys, and Mount, working on whatever they needed loosening that week. You’d had some interesting conversations — learning that Grealish has a seven-year-old mind, Lingard is still annoying as ever, and Mount is openly flirting with you. Every week you had massaged his arms and shoulders, seeing the subtle winks and smirks he gives you when he enters and leaves your office.

Today, you had an open schedule and would be working outside with the team. Nobody was stiff, or injured, so you’d be observing them and giving them small warm up tips before each game. You were stood with the other trainers, occasionally breaking off as Lingard begged for a unnecessary shoulder massage. You were then sat beside him, watching each boy pelt the ball into the goal and run to the back of the line.

“Hello, you.” You heard from beside you, Mason appearing and scooting closer. You grinned at him and stretched your legs out, taking in the warm sun on your legs.

“What hurts?” You asked, turning to face him and get ready to loosen a body part.

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to keep you company, that’s all.” He mentioned. “You looked a little lonely here.” Rolling your eyes, you blushed and turned your face away from him. “You don’t have to hide, I know I make you nervous.”

“As if, Mount.” You laughed, playing along with him. “Someone needs some humble pie.” The pair of you laughed, catching the attention of Jesse and Declan, who were sitting together beside the goal.

“They’re good for each other.” Declan admitted. “Mason needs someone like her, someone that brings him back down to Earth a bit.” Jesse laughed at his friend, slapping his hand as he held it out.

“Yeah,” Jesse sighed, “she’s a good girl. They seem like a good fit.” The pair observed the two, laughing and Mason clearly flirting with his body language as well as his words, the blush evident on your cheeks.

[solomonish]

Dork Solomon Agenda

You say sexy shady sorcerer I say nerd and love of my life

Solomon is a sad lonely little man why just wants a genuine connection us that so much to ask???

No but seriously like. It's totally fine if you hc Solomon as this man-turned-lowkey-sex-god with a million succubi and more at his whim whenever he wants and would be a tough one to put the ol' ball and chain on like to each their own for sure! But that's not MY hc

(Thats not to say my hc means he doesn't ever engage in casual sex like that and wanting a genuine long term relationship at some point [or finding out thats what you want when you meet someone] are not mutually exclusive yknow)

So like Solomon isn't the type to be short with you or keep you at an arm's length (i mean...u get what I mean. Once you're close enough and all that jazz) or get annoyed by you wanting to be affectionate?? Hello??

He LOVES the little things you do (some on accident tbh). You feeling affectionate today and give him a kiss or three on his face before you leave to go to your separate classes? Adorable, he's fallen in love again. You do that thing where you like.. forget how to walk straight and just accidentally bump into him? No come back he likes being close to you :( He doesn't SAY these things but there's a light, airy laugh he has that gives him away.

If you're ever facetiming he will say "boo!" when you connect instead of just. Greeting you like a normal person.

His fuckin. His devilgram name is monSOLO. My mans is a star wars fan!!! I dont know any of The Discourse bc I'm not super into star wars myself but he has IN DEPTH opinions about the movies. Seriously rivals Levi in this aspect. Please make time for movie nights where you watch the movies together 🥺 especially if you haven't seen them before he'd love to convert you 🥺

Didn't Solomon also have a thing for TSL??? Or am I just imagining it??

I feel like his ideal date would be exploring something new, whether its this new spooky forest or "hey have we been down this alley before? Let's check it out!" but ideal date number TWO is movie night. Even if it isn't Star Wars. He likes to sit on opposite ends of the couch throwing popcorn into each other's mouths (and big candies like peanut m&ms where you both have almost choked before) and maybe a footsie war if he's feeling real devious. Then at some point you grab a blanket and snuggle up to him and you both fall asleep on the couch

Simeon yells at him when you leave because there's popcorn EVERYWHERE

LOVES when you laugh super loud. Idk man he just thinks its great when you have such unbridled joy and then he laughs too 😊 not as loud though he's more of a quiet chuckle kind of guy (most of the time).

Is friends with Asmo so is extremely great at slumber party gossip. Catch him in his pajamas, cross-legged on the floor while clutching a pillow to his chest and listening intently to you rant about the brothers.

"Come here I have a secret to tell you" (blows air in your ear) "okay okay I'm sorry but come here again" (blows air on your neck) "okay okay last time! I actually have something to tell you. Please? Its important...." (kisses ur cheek) "like u a lil bit xo"

Never the type to send "good morning beautiful" or "good night 💞" texts. Instead he'll send you something at 4 am like "the infinite cosmos will eventually swallow whole all familiarity and life as it is now presently known and despite the adaptations humans or demons or angels could make i will still have to adapt and face the world as an alien in the realm I love so dearly. Funny how the strongest of beings bow to the whim of space and time. But sometimes my eternal journey doesn't seem so daunting when I realize that with my everlasting life will be the memory of you no matter how distant and the survival of the vessel you loved...."

And then at lunch that day when the brothers pull you away he'll send you a picture of the lasagna they're serving with "this kinda looks like you? Don't worry I'd still hit it" and then two minutes later "you not the pasta"

Is the type to think randomly "oh damn I love you so much" but has an impressive filter about it. Or he thinks he does until Luke grumbles "ugh get a room thats the fifth time you've seen that since monday" ok, sometimes he has a good filter about it

He can't help it! Sometimes you just say something really smart (or something SPECTACULARLY dumb) or you do something cute like lean on him or smile a specific way or-

Sir.....you're head over heels sir :/

The type who would go to a playground at night with you and just swing on the swings talking about life

Wants to have a secret handshake with you!!

If you're ever on a road trip with just the two of you, you can get him to join in on the terrible singing but he'll be a lot quieter than you

Also will only join in if he isn't driving. If he is and you aren't talking, he's just humming underneath his breath. Will drum on the steering wheel though

Cooking

(Yes, it gets its own section because MAYBE I'm obsessed with the idea of MC teaching Solomon to cook and the food still turning out terrible but at least it isn't a void when MC is helping)

The type to flick water at you every time he washes his hands. Will chase you down just to do it.

"Hey, tilt your head back and open your mouth MC" (proceeds to dump too big a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth)

100% the type to lean over you just to hinder your cooking abilities. Who cares if the sauce splashes he's tiiiired.... you'd let belphie do it :(

Puts a hand on your lower back when he passes behind you. Hopes you'll lean into it/step back and offer him a kiss 🥺

Believes in always having a proper table setting. Prepare for whatever juice they have (or water) in wine glasses if you're having a nice-er meal

Under the assumption that a spell ruined his sense of taste (and not that he's just bad at cooking) he hates spicy food. He can feel the burn but he gets none of the flavor??? Wack. Don't hurt him like that MC. If you do because its hilarious to watch him try to be cool about it he will pout

Gets cheesy aprons. He just likes them.

Will hit you on the top of your head with a whisk to hear the noise it makes

Will buy every kitchen hack tool there is. A ketchup dispenser that looks like a gun? He's got it. A fish that helps you squeeze out the egg yolks? Yes! A dinosaur soup ladle? You bet! Pizza scissors? A tool that makes hard boiled eggs into cubes? Something that's gotta be like 200 years old and no discernable purpose? Absolutely! He wants a hot dog toaster. Do they even have hot dogs in the devildom?

Will sneak bites just because it bothers you

Overall

Look at him. He hasn't had friends in centuries. He's playful!

Look at his DEVILGRAM NAME

His funky little WAND

This is a man who is a huge nerd, thrives off of cliches and just wants to have a good time. So let him! Its mentally exhausting having those pretenses up all the time.

[tobiosmilktea]

hey! i really love your headcanons! can i request osamu, atsumu, and sakusa with a female s/o who's into ballet? like how would they react when their s/o perform or how would they feel when they see their s/o put so much effort in her career as a ballerina. thanks before! 💖

ballerina girlfriend w/ osamu, atsumu, and sakusa

a/n: finally my years of binge watching the royal ballet youtube videos have come in handy ✨😌

— m. osamu

his guilty pleasure is watching ballet performances on youtube occasionally

honestly, it wasn’t his fault because you were the one who pulled up a video of the variation you were trying to learn on his account and all of a sudden he started getting ballet videos all over his recommendations

he doesn’t mind tho cause he finds them kinda relaxing

and whenever he watching a performance of one of the variations you’ve been working on, he’s genuinely shocked you could even do every move

he loves watching you practice whenever you’re not at the company

lowkey, osamu would probably be one of those people who don’t actually do the dance/sport but still point out if they made a mistake or not (like watching the olympics type beat)

“isn’t your leg on the forth attitude supposed to be devant??” or “it’s a forth position croise, maam.” or “i dunno, y/n, your bouree could be better” (i don’t know if any of this is correct btw 💀)

i think he watches a little too much royal ballet lmao

he’s really proud of you when he finds out you were promoted to principle as it’s one step closer to becoming a professional (once again idk if this is accurate)

it had been your dream since you started ballet so osamu has been really supportive of you the moment you two started dating

whenever you forget something in your kit or if it runs out (maybe like tiger balm to ease the soreness) know that osamu is on his way to save the day

he always asks if you’re feeling alright whenever he comes to pick you up from rehearsal cause he knows you like to give it your all when you’re dancing

unlike atsumu, osamu knows audience etiquette when watching your performances and only claps the absolute loudest whenever your variations are over

he tries to go to every performance you have no matter what, but he did have to miss one of your performances cause he was in tokyo for nationals

but he still supported you despite being five hours away

bonus: you sometimes get sick of osamu being nit-picky whenever he watches you practice so you make him learn a few ballet moves

he’s lowkey decent for someone who has never done ballet ngl despite almost rolling his ankle trying to land a pas de chat

— m. atsumu

homeboy thought he had it pretty hard balancing volleyball and school work but you honestly took the cake on this one

atsumu always knew that you were a hard worker and is usually really busy, but i guess he didn’t really notice that the majority of your time went into ballet when you weren’t focusing on school

he didn’t notice how much effort you put into your hobby until your ballet company’s performance was only two weeks away

literally the moment the school’s bell dismissed classes, you were already out of the classroom door trying to get to rehearsal on time considering you’re a principle and you wanted to warm up for the hours of practicing coming your way

there were days where you and atsumu only see each other during lunch breaks at school because your schedules often overlap

you two try your best seeing each other and sometimes surprise one another if someone’s practice ends up being shorter than usual or if the season isn’t in full swing yet

lowkey i could see atsumu leaving vb practice asap just to see you practicing

since homie is STRONK™️, he would help you break in your ballet shoes

his favorite part is when you let him beat the absolute crap out of the toe box (i.e hitting it against the concrete floor or stepping on it) so you can have a softer landing when you dance

however, sometimes you have to stop him from overdoing it our else the toe box is too weak to even support you anymore (it happened once and you didn’t have time to break in a new pair)

after a long days worth of practice, the ones where you could barely walk, atsumu would be there holding you up and walking with you everywhere

and this happens often even if you feel fine cause his practice always ends before yours so he’s always showing up at your ballet company to pick you up cause he’s a responsible bf

atsumu is such a supportive boyf, but definitely a loud one

the first performance he saw of yours (let’s say you did esmeralda’s variation) he would be clapping along to the beat as if he was in a russian audience

he ended up getting shushed at BUT when you did Don Quixote, he was having the time of his life clapping during the act 1 finale when you were doing pirouette’s across the stage

after each variation that you are in, he’s so loud like 🥺🥺

wow we love a supportive mans

afterwards he would give you the biggest bouquet he could afford and takes you out to a celebratory dinner cause he thinks you’re absolutely amazing

bonus: he would try some basic ballet moves but he’s honestly not that flexible

his ankles said bYE

— s. kiyoomi

sakusa’s super respectful of your hobbies and that you’re generally a busy person when it comes to it

he tries to spend as much time with you even if it has to do with ballet

whenever he’s over at your house and you’re rehearsing a variation, he loves watching you even if you do mess up

sometimes you would ask him to double check what the next move is just to tease him cause you know he doesn’t know shit about ballet

“sakusa, what’s after the arabesque?”

and he’s like “um... i think you go on your toes after that”

wow thanks for the help dude,, very descriptive

unlike the twins, his support is more on the quieter side

he isn’t one that’s into ballet like osamu or loud and chaotic like atsumu, but you’re aware of his support

he tries to attend every one of your performances and often times gives you massages after a very harsh rehearsal

sakusa even lets you ramble about the shit that goes on in that ballet company of yours and he acts like he understands half of the stuff you’re saying

“can you believe that yuri got principle instead of naho?? literally, naho did the sugar plum pas de deux with haruto better than yuri did. like her bourees are soo clean, i’m jealous”

principle?? pas de deux?? bouree?? lol just nod and agree sakusa,, we’ve all been there

this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t try his best to learn everything that you’re saying as you practically did the same for him with volleyball

you deadass learned how to play (not that you’re any good), learned all the positions, the possible calls, and all the rules just so you could watch his games and understand them

sakusa likes things to be mutual so he tries learning balle terms but all the french is kinda throwing him off a bit

despite going to a lot of your performances, you don’t push him into going since you know how he feels about crowds and such

especially when everyone is walking in or out once the show is over, you know sakusa is going to get overwhelmed and you always tell him that he doesn’t have to go

but he wants to prove to you that he’s a good bf that’s supportive so he pushes through either way

on the plus side, it’s easy to spot sakusa in the crowd cause he’s the only one wearing a mask

you don’t even have to see his face in order to know that he’s proud of you 

bonus: because sakusa is trying his hardest to know the basics of ballet, he basically forces you to teach him some moves

when you teach him all of the positions, he’s surprisingly good esp at fourth and fifth position

you knew he had flexible wrists but you didn’t know it also applied to his ankles too LMAO

[daddy-daichis]

Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

 Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

 Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

 Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 

 Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 

[jungstruly]

ship your moots with nct ot21?

[Langga anon and 💛anonie, you're here too!!]

Oh dear anon, prepare for a long ass post! It took me almost a day to match my moots with NCT and I'm rambling most of the time. Forgive me :<

Also, forgive me if I forget you! That doesn't mean I love you less, I promise. I may or may not do a part two so that I can fit every people who are dear to me.

[Disclaimer: This is only just for fun and is purely based on my feeling and what I perceive that member would be. All of my ramblings are hypothetical uWu.]

Taeil - @moondustaeil The talent these two people have istg, making them a power couple oh my. Ambs, the sweetest human being who just rolled with my crazy ass. Idk but I can't imagine any mutual who would be great with this man other than you. He respects and adores you like a captain respects the sea (it's a quote i found online, i forgot where but yus, credits to that quote)

Johnny - @espresseo-cafe Warm, these two people are just so warm and I feel like Jai and Johnny have a mature relationship. I can totally see both of you just talking about life in general  at like 2 in the morning over a cup of coffee just because. I can totally see you catching up with Johnny’s playful banter. Ahhhhh, you both feel like home in general <3

Taeyong - @badwithten uwu my precious bean! I ship you with Yongie. The both of you are great with reaching out to people. With that being said, it's nice for him to have someone who can read his emotions without saying it out loud. He may get too busy thinking for the greater good of other people that sometimes make him neglect himself.

Yuta - @lucas-wongs and @lattaeswirl The very talented dancers NSKSKS. I may or may not stalked you both hihi. A couple who dances uGH! I love the fact that you embrace your individuality and you're your own person. You're also independent, making me ship Yuta with you. 

Kun - @mooneylooney1 My lovely Sarah who radiates great mom energy. I mean, you’re caring and responsible and just full of love. I ship you with Kun! I do believe that he’s going to take very good care of you. It’s high time that you would be taken care of. You basically bring the best of each other, having room for self-improvement as you grow together. The both of you would make a great pair! As for @sunshine-jaehyun , I can imagine the both of you adopting some cats ùwú The both of you would be the perfect person to look out for each other. You wouldn't baby tf out of each other that much. I def think that Kun wants the both of you to grow together. He's someone dedicated and consistent all throughout and he expects you to be too (I'm sure you are you soft bby! I love your eyes!!) 

Doyoung - @emvrd and @cupofjae two lovely ate’s, hello! I could talk to the both of you all day tbh. You’ve always looked out for me ever since. Thank you for that :< Okay, enough with the kadramahan ehehe, I ship the both of you with our little bunny prince. Doei has a different way of showing people his love and affection and I feel like the both of you will be very mature and chill when it comes to it. Sure he may tease and play around but he’s def a sensible and a reliable person all in all. Taeyong once said to Doei, “Doyoung-ah, control your face. It’s just a game.” and I feel like you guys will also remind him of that from time to time lmao KSKSK.

Ten - @scissorhands1617 Both of you had a bad bitch with a dash of punk energy HAHAAH but in reality, is the biggest simp out there. You're def someone who can keep up with Ten who's a bit hard to read. You're also open minded and easy to talk to. It's Ten for you and will always be Ten! Sometimes I see him in you nsksks.

Jaehyun - @jae-canikeepyou Ahhh, I can imagine you spending the whole day together, the both of you doing your own thing with some faint old love song playing in the background. No talking, just comfortable silence. I mean, it’ll be nice to have someone who totally understands you and connects with you on a deeper level. Jaehyun’s def the shy type to the point that he’ll come off as awkward. But because of your patient nature, he’ll be much at ease, knowing that there’s no pressure. He loves handwritten letters and I know that you’re the type of person to give him love letters uwu.

Winwin - @jinxouls Ngoc I ship you with Winwin! You can be goofy with each other as well as be serious and be on their A-game when there's a need for it. I feel like the both of you will hit off right away. I only trust winwin when it comes to you nDGSHSH. 

Jungwoo - @eyypeach Actual sweethearts, what a good combo! It's nice for Jungwoo to have someone as sentimental as him and would need . I immediately think of you right away! The fact that you can empathize well with people makes the both of you a great pair. He'll make you happy and you'll make him too as well uwu

Lucas - @neowrld Let's be real here, your whole family will love this big fella! I feel like he'll be interested to know your culture just because he wants to know you better. Istg, he'll be extra af, even learning your mother tongue just because. Xuxi may come of as goofy and funny but I can feel like he needs someone to hold him close as he becomes vulnerable at the end of the day. I can see you being that person. @neocitybynight hey sunny, i think you and xuxi will look cute together uwu you love checking up on people and you just have too much love to give the world uwu uwu and I think Xuxi would love that. That big baby needs the love and care there is in this world :">

Mark - @suhpressed and @celestialchans I would never not stop saying this but the both of you never fail to amaze me. I do believe that both of you are doing your best to become better at your craft. You're hardworking and talented, just like Mark which makes you a good couple since the both of you are passionate with each of your own craft. You push and inspire each other and I think that's beautiful.

Xiaojun - @legendnct Hannah, why do I feel like you’re a very busy person? Like you have a lot of things on your plate and stressed because of college/burnt out from time to time. Xiaojun’s the type of guy who massages your shoulder or temples whenever he senses that you need a break. He’ll give you the space that you want whenever you’re doing uni stuff, probably in the same room as you just letting you study and placing your fave snacks and drinks beside you to remind you to take a break sometimes. He’s clingy when he wants to but respecting you is his number 1 priority.

Hendery - @smolchenle The vibes man ndksjdks (Sabog and sabay, kaloka lmAO) Wouldn’t mind doing the stupidest thing with you . There would be no dull moments together, istg. You’re basically each other’s happy pill aweeee. Oooh hahaha, I can totally imagine you having a disgusted “wtf, dude,” on your face whenever he does something funny only to follow his lead a couple of seconds later. Aside from that, he’s very touchy and affectionate (I mean, have you seen him with his cats? Sana all cat NDKKSKSK Oh wait, sana all Camille yieee!)

Renjun - @jae-ffrey Zen, you’re a year older than me but wow, you are wise and sensible. You’re a great listener as well and I feel like Renjun would enjoy your company. He’s very open minded and isn’t afraid to have fun from time to time, making you complement each other.

Jeno - @nzeeten My cute babies! I want to keep you both in my pocket ugh. Tbh, I get a strong independent woman vibe from you but at the same time, a very huge softie inside. I feel like Jeno’s the type of boyfriend who’s low maintenance in a sense that he won’t be that much needy for attention. It’s like you do you, I do me but it’s nice to know that at the end of the day, you have each other’s arms to come home to. I can imagine how smol you look wearing Jeno’s jacket ahhhh domestic!Jeno + sweet baby Allie is just to pure and soft for this world

Haechan - @bumblebeenct Mimi! My sweet sweet Mimi who always checks up on me and is a literal walking ball of sunshine. Wait, two suns together? Wouldn’t that be a disaster? I like to believe that your patient and motherly side can keep up with that little rascal. You’re also someone he can have fun with, I am sure of that.

Jaemin - @4-sun Jaemin better take good care of you or else! You’re laidback and composed (like Jeno nHSSK) and I can definitely see him taking you out on a photowalk, just walking in your city without any plans and taking photos of different views (expect him to snap a photo of you from time to time uwu) and going to a café after. Also, you’re very generous when it comes to compliments. I can see Jaemin as someone who absolutely loves those things.

Yangyang - @lovelyvitamin The amount of crackhead energy that you two have sends nKSKSKSK. I want you to have someone who understands your amazing humor and listens to your weird and out of the blue stories. Yangyang’s there to top your crazy stories with his and would do everything in his power to make you feel loved, appreciated and happy-- even going an extra mile. You make each other happy and I live for that thought itself!

Chenle - @imaginedreamies I feel like Chenle is going to baby tf out of you plus treats you like a queen, don’t @ me. You push each other to be better versions of yourselves. Like Chenle, I feel like you’re much more of a giver than a taker. It’ll be nice for Chenle to feel the love he gives to other people. 

Jisung - Langga anon! (I lost ur acc huhuhu) Ahhhhh, my two kiddos. I ship you with him bc I highkey imagine the both of you having a cute puppy love romance. Ya know, just being subtle with each other when it comes to expressing your love and affection. Missed u baby! 

[quackeroos]

spring day (teaser) | p.parker

Pairing: peter parker x  hanahaki! reader

Summary: flowers bloom in y/n’s chest due to the unrequited love by one peter parker. and after years of pining and keeping it to herself, she suffers the consequences of the pain of the sees of unsaid feelings.

Warnings: all through out this story there will be mentions of blood, death, and will contain pining and angst.

Words: 817 

A/n: yep. so here’s me. releasing another mini-series when i haven’t even finished two! (wattpad series are not included lol) i just can’t wait to release this oh my gooooodd. so a little background story on why i started this mini-series: i was scrolling through a bunch of fics recs, hoarding as much fics as i can, and i stumbled upon @euphoria-parker​ ‘s hanahaki fic! time skip to today, i got inspired and started writing my own peter parker x hanahaki! reader fic. idk when i’m gonna release the first part. maybe in a few days? we’ll see!

*gif is not mine

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

She saw it coming, but she ignored all the signs and kept going.

Y/n Stark is an intelligent person. Some people might call her crazy, some call her a genius, and sometimes a bit of both, just like her father. Yet when it comes to love, Y/n Stark is an absolute idiot. She wasn’t inexperienced in the Love Department. She had her fair share of relationships in the past, a lot of them, yet none of them had cured the pain in her chest. Because her heart only yearned for one boy. Y/n didn’t know when she had started loving Peter, but all she could remember was the feeling of something warm in her chest and the want of just being by his side forever.

But that crumbled until this very moment. 

Y/n watched from afar. MJ and Peter, happily united, talking and finally…kissing. As she watch the scene unfold before her, the feeling of her chest tightening, and the lack of oxygen came back. She could feel it slowly, the roots spreading across her chest, stems growing bit by bit, and the flowers starting to bloom. It wasn’t until later that she felt herself choking and the need for oxygen. First, she coughed up one petal, then two, until it became a pile scattered on the concrete floor. She immediately went behind a bus to hide from her two friends and continued her coughing fit. Her mouth sputtered more yellow petals and blood. They couldn’t see her like that. She doesn’t them to see her like that.

Yellow Carnation - the meaning of rejection in the flower language. Y/n laughed at the thought of how such a beautiful flower could symbolize something so painful.

Rejection. Y/n Stark had experienced it two times in her life. The first, being the rejection of her mother, hence why she now lives with her father. And the second, was Peter’s. She hadn’t confessed to Peter, but she knew even before, he already had his heart set on someone. And that someone wasn’t her.

“Miss Stark, would you like me to take you to the nearest hospital? I am seeing some restrictions in your trachea, which is making you hard to breathe.” Edward, her A.I., spoke through the earpiece she wore.

“I’m fine Edward. Just- Just get me out of here.” she managed to speak out in labeled breaths.

“But your wounds, Miss. You need to tend to them, it would le-”

“Just get me out of here Edward!” Her head was immediately wrapped in her nanotech helmet and she flies across the sky as fast as she could. She didn’t know where to go, her mind was completely elsewhere. But when she saw a nearby building, she didn’t hesitate to land and release herself from her suit. She knelt on the ground, shaking. Her body felt so fragile she could feel herself breakdown from the physical injuries she had taken, and the emotional ones taking over her body.

The bracelet buzzed on her wrist, indicating an incoming call. She opened the holographic screen, and Happy’s contact picture appeared. She pressed the green button.

“Kid!” his panicked voice rang in her ears. “Are you alright? Where are you? Your suit is sending me an alert!”

She sniffled and sobbed out, “Happy. Ha-Happy it hurts. Please pick me up.”

“It’s okay kid. I got you. I’m coming for you so stay there. Okay? Just hang on!”

The call ended and she curled up in a ball. The comfort of the wind blowing past her made her feel a bit better. She closed her eyes in hopes of getting rid of the pain. Although her body received a lot of physical damage, the pain couldn’t be compared to the pain she felt inside.

***

His hand held her shoulder while hers were place on his neck. The kiss was soft, and blissful. Peter could’ve sworn he was dreaming had MJ not been holding on his neck as a gentle reminder that it was indeed real. He couldn’t believe it. He got the girl..

They broke away from each other, both teens with a smile and awkward stances as they stood.

 “I-uhm. I should probably head back to the class.” she cleared her throat and started walking backward slowly.

“I-I should too. Go check… Uhm- some stuff.” he replied with a hearty grin.

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Y-yeah. I’ll see you.”

A grin was etched on his face as he looked back to take one last look at MJ. Peter had a skip in his step while walking back to the other side of the bridge. He couldn’t be happier. Out of everything that has happened in this trip, this was the best. He played with the torn mask in his hand, Definitely gonna have to repair this once I get home, he thought.

He stops in his tracks when he felt something on his shoe. It felt icky and bit slippery when he glided it against the concrete. He looked down to see what he stepped on. 

 A pile of yellow petals covered in blood.

-

part one Spring Day

enjoyed this story? let’s talk about it!

tagging my lovely mutuals, sum writers i admire, and followers on my permanent taglist for a signal boost!: @dahliaspidey​ @spideycuddles​ @parkerpeter24​ @tomhollandd​ @parkeret​ @softholand​ @cunaeparker​ @euphoria-parker​ @midtownpetey​ @hollandstea​ @curlystom​ @screamholland​ @plutotown​ @dabiihawks​ @pastelpeter​ @underoosjae​ @parkeraul​ @blissfulparker​ @spideycurls​ @websliinging​ @hazsterfield​ @kimireclusive​ @sovereignparker​ @chaoticpete​ @theofficialtoiletpaperplug @megaprincesscakes​ @beiroviski​ @blossomholland​ @evendeadlmthehero​ @hollandstom​ @pparkerwrites​ @spideymood​ @angel-spidey​ @allegra-writes​ @tomsrebeleyebrow​

add yourself to my taglist!

[emeraldbabygirl]

Because my lil shit punk ass bitch friend is being a meany shit bitch fart goblin bitch ass bitch on a stick and I’ve been a sappy and gross clingy shit ass bitch for the past couple months and it’s the time of day, early in the morning, when I get most lonely and soft and clingy I’m making a tiny very super tiny appreciation post for my mutuals. My love, my friends, the squad, the homies, the mates, my support system. So eat this mf love bitches!

@ithinkilikeit-reactions MY HUBBY whomst tf I love and wish I could meet and talk to about the things we do. You are so sweet to me and I remember all those times you just send me love cause I ask for it cause I’m an attention whore or because you know I’m having a time and I just appreciate you so much

@gods-dont-negotiate hello daDDY lmao um fuck me. I’m kidding but I fucking love and adore your cute ass so fucking much you have such big dick energy and I love when you just randomly message me talking about your day or anything you are interested in or literally anything at all and I always smile whenever I’m having a hard day at work and I see your random message that is just you telling me anything because I love to hear it. You are just a ray of sunshine and we have so many things in common and I love that we understand those things and I’m comfortable telling you things and I just love how cool you are because you are cool and I wish I could hang out with you and just vibe together, maybe do some illegal hand holding 👀

@despair-lightbreaker yoU MOTHERFUCKING SHIT PIECE OF SHIT ASS BITCH ASS SHIT BITCH BITCH. You are a motherfuckin specimen. You never shut the fuck up you’re always so goddamn loud over JR and I fucking love it because bitch that’s you you stupid tall ass bitch ass tall bitch who is in love with JR and Laon and Hojin you sexy slut you, fuck off. I love how you try to dig into my brain sometimes and that one time you scared me by listing off some kinks I had and I almost passed. I love that a lot of our convos are all caps and involve the weirdest shit and calling each over ‘bitch’ and ‘hoe’ I love all the fucking nicknames you randomly come up with for me, I love whenever you review comebacks on your blog, I love how you just go balls to the wall in the tags I love that you are so confused about so many things I do and say like the whole baby bubble and 2Z and just everything, I love that..idk I just love that you’re sometimes more random than me on some things, I love your poetry, I love that you will fall dick over table for JR and it’s the cutest thing ever and it makes me laugh. Sometimes you’re just really cute bro, like fr

@excindrela remember when I used to call you my wife? I know it’s been a long time since we last talked and I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault actually and I need to get back with you, we used to talk all the time. I miss you a lot and I just want to hear you talk about anything and everything again. You were one of my first mutuals in here and you’re amazing and whenever I talk to you about any problem I’m having you always make me feel better. You’re like my internet mum and I really love and appreciate all those moments we have together. I miss those fun shenanigans

@thedungeonofsinners you. My god where do I start. When I first saw that what had happened with your account and that you were leaving I did cry. I felt like I lost a best friend, I didn’t know where I would find you, if I’d ever get to talk to you again and I was already in a sad mood and I just could help myself. Then when you told me you were coming back I cried again. I haven’t messaged you yet through your new account but I’m excited and happy to share all kinds of things with you. I love you so much, you go through so much and I wish I could be there with you to comfort you and just hold your hand and hold your tall ass in my arms. You are a beautiful person inside and out, truly, you are so kind but so hard on yourself and it hurts my heart. You deserve so much love and I wish for you to be happy. I love all our conversations and things we’ve talked about, I love that we have so many things in common and that we can just whore out together and it’s a good connection. It feels great to have someone that you can just release your most sinful thoughts with and just laugh and have a good time. I hope to have more of those times with you. I miss you so fucking much and wish you weren’t so far away. I wish we could hang out. The internet is so hard when you are lonely and need human contact and you just want to see your friends and things. God I hope you are taking care of yourself and doing alright. Take it easy out there and if you ever want to message me please do. I might not see it right away and I apologize if I’m not there when you really need someone to talk to. It sucks when you on the other side of the fucking rock and your sleeping schedule is already batshit crazy. I just want to be able to message you whenever you need me. I’m sorry I’m never up to see your messages but I love you and I always see them later.

I didn’t put all my mutuals cause there’s a lot of mutuals that I’m still getting to know and I don’t have a special connection with yet and that makes me sad because they are still my friends, they still matter to me, I still love them but I can’t make a post for them just yet because I don’t have anything really to say yet :( I’m sorry. I just need to talk with some of my friends more often, find out more about them, share more stories with them. I love all my friends and I want to have bonds tighter than my asshole with them. I wish you all well and I hope you are all staying safe and taking care of yourselves and your families during these times. I know it’s really hard. Makes me wanna cry honestly and I have. I just wish I could be there for all of you irl to hug and hang out with and laugh with. Hang in there my loves, we’ll all get through this.

God and I know I’m literally the worst person when it comes to time zones and I know when you really need to talk to someone you need them right then and I do always say please feel free to message me whenever. Sometimes I do procrastinate and not go to bed right away or sometimes I just get on my lunch break but I always try to check my messages and get back to you as soon as I see the message. If you want you can also send me asks or submit me something so I see it in my inbox. And if you are interested I always have twitter, snap and insta that you can message me on if you would like just let me know. Although I’m on tumblr all the time an I still haven’t added some of you on other socials yet. I’m sorry I am so bad and lazy and procrastinating is like the thing I’m so good at. I just don’t like going on Twitter or insta.

Anyway that was longer than expected but thank you all for being my friends. I love and appreciate every one of you and I always wish the best for you cause y’all deserve it! 💕💕💕💕

[crossingyu]

can i request a yuta smut where he is your brothers best friend and for some reason u hate each other but end up fucking after having a discussion??!!? idk if i made myself clear but if u can, thank you!!

It had been a solid month into your summer vacation and nothing could be more perfect. The sun was out, a breeze always drifted by, and you were spending time with your brother as well.

Both you and Taeyong went to different universities and barely saw each other for more than five days at a time while classes were in session so being able to see him everyday was something that always brought a smile to your face.

The last thirty days had been all smiles and laughter and you were hoping it would be that way for the remaining sixty. However the streak was broken when the doorbell went off.

“Y/N, can you get that?” Taeyong yelled from his room.

“Yeah, I got it!” you quickly made your way to the door, not wanting to keep whoever was out there waiting for too long but when you opened the door, you wished you could’ve closed it just as fast.

“Oh. Hi Yuta” your voice was laced with annoyance as you stepped to the side and let him pass by.

“Well, isn’t it just lovely to see you too Y/N” he forced a smile at you causing you to roll your eyes.

“Taeyong’s in his room. He’ll be out in a second. In the meantime, don’t come near my room” you said and turned around to walk back to your bedroom.

“Please, I don’t want to go to hell that badly” Yuta scoffed as he took a seat down on the couch and you swear you’ve never wanted to yell at him so badly but rather than doing that, you continued your walk and settled on cursing at him under your breath.

“Yuta’s out there” you mumbled to Taeyong when he passed by you in the hallway.

The last thing heard from you was the sound of your door slamming shut.

Taeyong always found you and Yuta’s bickering quite funny. Ever since he introduced you to his best friend, you two immediately didn’t click. It was as if you were polar opposites and you told Taeyong that you “never wanted to see Yuta again” to which his response was that you were being a child.

“Sorry about that” Taeyong laughed as he sat himself down next to his friend.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m used to it” Yuta replied and their laughter shook the house, “You should just give me a key to the place, that way Y/N wouldn’t have to open the door for me when I come over”

“I don’t think that would make your situation any better” Taeyong’s eyesbrows raised at the thought of Yuta coming here at any time and having to hear you two argue over everything.

“Probably not but hey, it’s an option” Yuta joked and the afternoon went by just like that. You were left alone in your room as the two boys conversed outside and occupied themselves with Taeyong’s Nintendo Switch.

It was when Taeyong tapped his phone screen that his eyes widened. “It’s 7PM?! Man, I have to cook dinner tonight. Here, you can play” Taeyong said as he rushed into the kitchen.

After hours of confining yourself to your own room, you ventured to the kitchen. The smell of Taeyong’s food is what attracted you but seeing Yuta made you scrunch up your nose.

“Do you need any help?” you asked your brother and he shook his head as his hand worked on chopping the vegetables.

“No, thanks though. If you could go hang out with our guest I’d appreciate it though” Taeyong couldn’t even hold back his little laugh at his request.

“You’re joking right?” you asked with arms across your chest.

“I mean, I am but I’m also not. Yuta is staying with us for a couple of days so might as well get acquainted with him now” Taeyong said as he dropped the now cut veggies into the pot.

“I’m sorry, what?! Taeyong! You didn’t tell me this!” you whisper yelled.

“It slipped past my mind! Just as you let Yuta’s existence slip past yours when he’s here. Now go play a game with him or something? Please?”

You let out a sigh as you nodded and trudged over to the couch, choosing the spot farthest away from Yuta and he laughed.

“What’s so funny? Are we going to play a match or not” you said and grabbed one of the joycons off the table.

“I just think you’re funny,” Yuta said with a shrug, “and sorry but this isn’t a fighting game. Punch me in real life if you want to but only after you help me catch this Articuno”

“Articuno? I don’t even know how to play this game, Yuta” you told him honestly and he scooted closer to you to give a mini tutorial to you.

“Just click this button on the controller and then since we’re both playing, we have to throw the pokeball at the same time. So on my count, okay?”

You nodded. It was simple enough.

“1, 2, 3!” Yuta called out and swung his controller downwards. However you were a second off and your ball didn’t even end up being thrown.

Yuta let out a huff and scratched the side of his face at your mistake. “Let’s try that again” he said and you did. It was after one more mess up that you finally got it but the Pokémon constantly flew around and without any instructions from Yuta other than his count, you didn’t know which way he swung his remote which was crucial to getting a successful catch.

“My god Y/N, can you not throw it the same way as me?” Yuta groaned out at you.

“Well maybe if you told me which way you threw it, we would’ve caught the damn thing by now!”

“Here, throw it to the right then. One, two, three”

You two have been trying to catch the virtual bird for thirty minutes now and didn’t even come close because for one, Yuta ran out of pokeballs and two, Taeyong called you two for dinner.

You kept quiet throughout the whole thing, still annoyed with how Yuta blamed his loss on you and the two friends conversed as they had earlier.

With dinner finally finished and dishes washed, the three of you flopped onto the couch with tummies full.

“Ah I know! We should watch a movie” Taeyong grinned as he turned on the TV, “how abou-“

He was halfway through his sentence when his phone rang and he picked up. “Oh hey. Sure, yeah I can meet you right now” Taeyong slipped his phone into his pocket as he got up, “Johnny’s car broke down and it’s getting towed so I’m going to go pick him up. Please don’t tear each other’s heads off while I’m gone” he said and the front door shut behind him leaving you and Yuta back in that deafening silence. 

Grabbing your phone, you opened up your social medias in an attempt to do anything but talk to Yuta. It was just as easy to leave but you felt as if you were glued to the couch and someone else’s gaze seemed to be stuck on you too.

Yuta’s body was now turned towards yours and he rested his head in his hand as he looked at you.

“Can I help you with something?” you asked and put your phone down.

“No, nothing in particular. I was just thinking, ‘huh, why doesn’t Y/N like me?’”

“The feeling is mutual” you say as you turn to him and pull a pillow over your lap.

Oh? Does that mean I cross your mind sometimes?” Yuta smirked upon hearing your reply and you don’t know why but your cheeks flushed a pink, rosy hue.

“I could ask the same to you then” 

“You got so shy when I said that but your voice is still so harsh with me”, Yuta pouted and you don’t know how it happened but he was all of a sudden only inches away from you. “you’re breaking my heart” 

“My goal was achieved then?” you said and you both laughed. “You can check one thing off your bucket list now. Want to help me cross something off mine?” 

Taeyong must’ve put something in your food because you found yourself nodding and in the next second, Yuta’s face was leaning in closer to yours until your lips touched. 

Surprisingly, his lips melded with yours in a way that no one else’s had and just as you were about to pull him closer to deepen the kiss, he pulled away, teeth pulling at your lower lip. “Still hate me?”

“Oh, for sure” you said before pulling him in again. With your lips on one another’s it wasn’t as if you could argue but still, you two fought for dominance. It was only when he pulled you into his lap and squeezed your ass that you finally opened your mouth through a moan and let his tongue in. 

“You sound amazing when you’re not giving me attitude, you know that?” 

“Give me a reason to not snap back at you then”

“I’d gladly, just be a good girl and listen then” Yuta said and he lifted you up, relocating the two of you to your room. The door was closed behind you as you were laid down onto the bed and Yuta picked up right where he left off. 

One chaste, sloppy kiss was pressed to your lips and ventured downwards from your jaw to your neck. When he successfully found the sweet spot on your neck, you breathed out his name and this only egged Yuta on. His attack on your neck didn’t end until he saw the pretty splotches on your neck that would be sure to remain until tomorrow. 

“Pretty little thing,” Yuta smiled at his work and moved on to removing your clothing which was easy since you only wore a shirt, shorts and panties, “I think you look even prettier like this too” he licked his lips at the sight of you before removing his clothes as well and leaning down. His arms caged your frame underneath his as he pushed his clothed cock onto your cunt. 

His hips rolled circles onto yours and your essence lubed up his length. “Sweetheart, you’re absolutely soaked for me” Yuta said as he took his length and pushed the tip in and out of you, “do you always get this wet when you think of me? When you yell at me?”

“Shut up” you growled out and he laughed. “Is it that hard to admit the truth?” he asked and pushed his length inside of you. 

Yuta let out a groan at how your walls clenched around him and he stilled inside you, taking in the feeling before rocking his hips back and forth at a pace that had your head spinning. 

“You hate me?” Yuta hummed with a chuckle, “you don’t seem to hate my cock though. I wish you gave me this much love” his voice was laced with fake hurt.

“F-fuck you, Yuta” you said in between pants. 

“Someone is still bratty” he said as he pulled out of you. You were dumb to think that he would stop there.

Instead of laying on your back, you were on all fours, back dipped down as you anticipated for the return of his dick in your cunt. 

Seeing how you kept pushing back into nothing, Yuta took his hand and brought it down upon your ass making you let out a yell. 

Whimpers accompanied your yelps as he continued to spank you. It started at your neck those minutes ago and now your ass was just as marked up as that. The initial pain morphed into pleasure and your legs nearly gave out under you when he delivered the last hit directly to your pussy. 

“Maybe now I can fuck the attitude out of you” Yuta whispered into your ear as his cock entered your hot hole again. Sinful moans were ripped out of your throat and Yuta took the chance to push his fingers into your mouth. 

“Mm” you closed your eyes as you sucked on his fingers and took in this feeling of his length dragging in and out of you. Adjusting his position, he thrusted and his tip hit your g-spot, bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm.

“Be a good girl for once and cum, cum around this cock” he demanded and with his cock moving in and out of you and his words, you did just as he said and came.

Your body would’ve given out if it weren’t for Yuta picking up your hips so he could finish off, his load decorating your insides and dripped out of you when he pulled out. 

With all of his energy drained out of him, he fell down onto the bed and pulled you closer to his body, nuzzling his face into your neck.

“Ew Yuta, you’re gross get off” you pretended to push him away but he kept you in his arms.

“Nice attempt at trying to get me to go away but sorry you’re stuck with me for another three days,” remembering that made you groan and yuta only pushed it, “You have seventy two more hours of either fun or hell, you can pick” 

[lizzieraindrops]

Your chance to make the sun rise thrice (Chapter 2)

a river that still runs (8803 words)

Beth Childs has come to Helsinki to meet her best friend Veera for the first time in the Herbs on the windowsill universe, an alternate timeline where the original Helsinki massacre was prevented and DYAD routed by Clone Club Alpha’s successful publicity stunt back in 2001. Veera Suominen and Niki Lintula survived and decided to live in a little apartment together as qpp’s. Numerous Leda clones worldwide are now in contact via a secure online network that Veera maintains. 

Note: This chapter is a bit heavier than the rest of the AU. Beth is still struggling with a lot of the same challenges in this universe, even if the events causing them are somewhat different because of such early canon divergence. But the whole point of this story is that things can end up okay no matter how rough it's been. She's getting the help she needs and she's gonna be alright. That said, warning for soft discussion of past abuse, the effects of trauma, depression and anxiety, and some suicidal ideation. And of course, lots of love and learning how to heal, with support from her best friend.

Fun fact: Veera's username is 3mika, and she always sets her font to the precise warm turquoise of hex color #2299aa. She thinks she's hilarious, and she's right. 

Also on AO3  |  Playlist  |  Aesthetic sideblog

Part 1: Herbs on the windowsill

Part 2: Someday colors

Part 3: Your chance to make the sun rise thrice  |  Chapter 1  |  Chapter 2  |  Chapter 3

***

Beth wakes on a squashy couch that isn't hers. Morning-soft sunlight pours through the window above her, bouncing back off the walls to fill even the shady corners with a warm secondhand glow. Her limbs are soft, splayed under unfamiliar blankets and sinking into the cushions. She doesn't move yet.

The apartment. Helsinki. Beth's really here. She holds herself still, letting the truth sink into her. She half expects the usual anxious tension to clench her into a ball the instant she moves a muscle, but it isn't there. Neither is the invisible weight that so often pins her immobile. She still wakes frequently with both of them holding her body hostage, keeping her muscles unmoving but restless, even in sleep. Right now though, they're gone. She just lies there, soft beneath the window.

It's quiet but not silent. The occasional car on the little road outside chuckles as it passes. A soft rush of water echoes through pipes in the walls, running toward an early riser in another unit. These sounds fall strangely on Beth's Toronto-bred ears, isolated in the stillness of this of this little apartment on the outskirts of the city. Still, the early-morning atmosphere settles comfortably into her jet-lagged bones, murmuring a rhythm for her to sink into. The temporal upheaval of a transcontinental red-eye and a series of exhausted naps yesterday have left her a little unbalanced. And yet, here she is waking up with the day, and the ground under her feels so much more stable than she’s used to.

Beth breaks her stillness with a deep, deep breath that she can feel expanding all the way down to her feet. She stretches, too, but soon pulls the toes that get exposed back underneath the warm, scratchy blanket. The cushions of the old couch creak a little in complaint as she shifts, but her limbs remain supple. For a time, she just observes the sensations. Then, her awareness spreads beyond the couch and the window to the rest of the room.

All around her, an oddly blocky pattern covers the walls. It's one of the first things she noticed when she walked into the apartment yesterday afternoon. The pattern isn't wallpaper like it appears at first glance, but actually a multitude of small photographs. Most of them are unframed, but taped up in crisply aligned rows. In them, she sees the same face infused with a hundred different lives. Just above her, a sleeping, slack-jawed redhead with bulky headphones around her neck sprawls on the very same couch Beth's laying on now. A few rows down, a brunette and a blonde with their long hair in matching wild waves are leaning all over each other and grinning like devils. One of the few framed photos shows a girl with a hospital-short buzz cut and a delighted expression, sitting in front of what looks like a mouthwatering strawberry shortcake. Beth can see at least six others in the background behind strawberry girl. Among them are Mika with her unmistakable scars and Niki with her bright blonde hair, their arms around each other's shoulders.

Morning light glances off the glossy surfaces of the photos on the west wall. The particularly bright reflection off one of the framed photos draws Beth's eye. With a tiny jolt, Beth recognizes one of her own selfies beneath the glass. In it, she's wearing the same old turquoise blue sweatshirt that's spilling out of her suitcase next to the couch right now. Underneath it, she's wearing her track gear, so the photo is at least two years old. She'd had to quit cross-country so she could try to get the shitshow her life had become under control. She vaguely recalls sending it to Mika a long time ago. It's strange to think that her presence has been in this apartment for so long.

She's here. In Finland. Staying with Mika – Mika - and Niki. Far, far away from everything.

Sprawling on the couch she slept on with a sigh as if she hadn’t a care in the world, Beth can't believe she's really gone and done it. She's run so far away that there's an ocean between her and her problems. It’s so much better than she's dreamed, even if it's only for a little while. It’s worth it, even though she'll be going back far too soon. For the first time in years, it feels like she’s where she’s supposed to be right now.

It had all started out as foolish idea she'd floated one Saturday morning, months ago. She hadn't been serious at all. She'd woken up so relieved at not having to get up and go to work, until she remembered her weekly therapy appointment with a hopeless groan.

Putting off the genuinely daunting prospect of hauling herself out of bed, she reached out to snag her phone from on top of her dresser, checking to see if she'd heard from Mika overnight. After all, Helsinki was nine hours ahead, so Mika had already seen most of the day that was just beginning for Beth. They talked so often these days, since they'd first made contact over two years ago. Rarely a day passed without touching base. But there wasn’t anything since Beth had checked last night. She took it upon herself to send the first message of the day.

runwaterblue: god, i dont wanna get up and deal with any of thsi shit today

After her world fell apart, after finding out about Project Leda, after realizing that all her nightmares and more were real, after her father...

runwaterblue: wish i could come visit u and get away form everything for awhile

Mika replied almost immediately.

3mika: you can

It was evening in her time zone, but to be honest, Beth had no idea if she had anything resembling a regular sleep schedule. The girl was always online.

3mika: though you really should go to your appointment. you always feel better afterward

runwaterblue: howd you know i have therapy today

3mika: you always have an appointment saturday afternoons

runwaterblue: yes but how do you remember that? i cant evne remember my own appts lmao

3mika: you mentioned it months ago when you switched from sundays to saturdays

Beth shook her head with a smile. Mika was so good with details.

3mika: anyway. you’re welcome here, if you can get here

3mika:  it would be great to see you

3mika: Niki wouldn't mind. we've had a bunch of Ledas visit us here, it's always fun

3mika: except that one time Dani and Ary got into a fight over football. some French-Italian team rivalry thing. that was not fun.

Beth laughed. It was funny how Mika was so good at making her do that, even on days like these. She leaned back against her pillow and held her phone over her head without sitting up, being careful not to drop it on her own face. She'd done that before. More times than she'd admit.

runwaterblue: i was kidding. id love to visit, but idk how id get there

runwaterblue: u should see the americans go off abt their football lmao. they're nerly as bad as the hockey freaks here

3mika: pls no

3mika: no more sports. it was a year ago and I’m still exhausted

3mika: sports are banned in this apartment.

Beth snorted. Mika wanted nothing to do with sports of any kind, and with Beth's athletic record, the topic had become a point of mutual teasing between them.

In so many ways, they were such different people, DNA be damned. Mika was reticent where Beth was outgoing. (Or at least, Beth had been. She was never quite sure how to think of herself these days.) Clone drama aside, Beth had been a pretty average Canadian high schooler. She got reasonable grades, played a few sports, and kept mostly out of trouble because there would be hell to pay if she didn’t. Mika was a brilliant homeschooled autistic orphan who had been raised in near isolation by her guardian after surviving the hospital fire that marked her skin for life. Beth mostly listened to pop music, and where no one else could hear, the occasional classical symphony. Mika held fast to Finland's weird obsession with death metal and dabbled in literally everything else.

And yet, Mika understands Beth like no one else does. And it's not just because they've both been through all this Project Leda bullshit. Though Beth doesn't know what she would have done without Mika to help her through that, too.

Beth won't ever be able to forget the moment that everything changed. Recognizing a her own face from the mirror on the evening news stopped her in her tracks, as something in her gut caved in with the hollow certainty that it wasn't her. Then face after face flickered before her, a flipbook barrage of déja vu. Blonde and smiling. Scarred and pensive. Braids and piercings and a rakish grin. Beth was rooted in place as people she had never been wearing things she had never worn said things she was never supposed to know.

That utter strangeness on the screen immediately seeped into her life like an oil slick into a river, tainting every thing she thought she knew with clinging uncertainty. Her father was inexplicably even more upset about it than Beth was, yet adamant that they shouldn't look into the matter. But it was already too late to stop herself from thinking. With slow horror, the truth of what exactly his behavior must mean dawned on her. And yet, even with the desperate growing certainty about who her Leda monitor must be, it was hard to believe that he could be anything other than her plain stern father.

He was always a bit strict and overprotective - probably well more than a bit, she realizes these days. But she’d thought that's just what it was like to be a cop's daughter. He'd never done anything really extreme, nothing beyond the firm discipline any kid could expect. He was just not a man to be trifled with, that was all. So until everything she thought she knew shifted that day and threatened to topple every assumption she’d built her life on, she had never truly dared to cross him.

Outright daring him to say to her face that he wasn't her monitor was probably considered a step beyond trifling. He did not take it kindly.

Two months later, Beth and her mother were living in an apartment on the opposite side of the city. It took two months for the two of them to lay plans to leave together, for good. For two months, her every move was watched. She spent two months knowing there would be hell to pay if she didn't give the performance of a lifetime pretending everything was fine, even while sirens blared inside her day and night. Two months was more than enough to teach her things she never wanted to know about the hidden marks fear leaves on the body.

Even after she finally escaped, her life was in tatters and nothing made sense. It wasn’t just the sudden jarring discovery of Project Leda, or the crisis it had forced her to confront. It was learning that, deep down, she had known that she’d never once felt free. She’d unconsciously kept herself from knowing to avoid exactly that conflict of wills that she’d known she would lose.

Trying to come to terms with what had happened and how it changed everything, Beth was continuously losing her balance. Questioning which parts of her life had been screwed over by her father and which by being part of some ridiculous supervillain science experiment was like trying to stand on two kickboards in a pool. She couldn't find her footing, and all she could do was try and stay afloat. She had to repeat her whole junior year of high school that she lost to this shitshow, while starting over at a new school, and only barely scraped her way into senior year. Now that she knew how honestly terrible she'd been at judging who in her life she could trust, it was as hard to talk to old friends as it was to make new ones.

Therapy helped her start sorting out what she was feeling, and how the environment she’d grown up in was really not the healthiest. She hadn’t realized how much she’d learned to doubt her own perceptions. That made constructing any kind of new understanding of her situation an uphill struggle. And of course, her therapist couldn’t help her confirm anything about a human experiment that was so illegal it had been an international secret. As she continued to stumble forward, Beth even started doubting her former certainty of the identity of her Leda monitor. She questioned herself and everything she knew until she wanted to scream with frustration or weep with confusion. The floor of the counselor’s office could have been mopped with her tears. It was, quite literally, driving her mad.

So, finally, Beth had taken up the invitation on the banner of every Leda news feature to "Contact the secure, clone-run Clone Youth Group Network (CYGNet) for answers by emailing info@cygnet.org."

She wanted something concrete that would help convince her brain to stop reenacting these head games that warped her reality. It still insisted on playing through the patterns it had been taught, even in its teacher’s absence. She needed something that could brace her against the ideas that she was really just paranoid, overreacting, accusing, that this was all her fault for making a big deal out of nothing. Even with his other faults (cruelties, her mind whispered) aside, at least his involvement with Project Leda was unforgivable, and she wanted proof of it. Maybe if she had that, she could stop being mad at herself for not wanting to forgive. And if anyone had that proof, CYGNet would.

Maybe it was just because of the sheer blunt honesty about her motives, or the inescapable vulnerability of the message Beth sent, but Mika had replied to her within a day. And she'd been so gentle about it, too, enough to make Beth later question where the stereotype of autistic brashness came from. Then again, over email, Mika had all the time she needed to compose her thoughts and lay them out as softly as she wanted. She didn't have to spit them out as fast as she could to keep pace with a quick and painfully overwhelming world.

Hi Beth Childs,

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. I still don't know how they got away with doing things like this for so long. I suppose people will always find ways to be cruel. But we've survived this long, and the whole point of CYGNet is to help us all heal. The experimental network has been dismantled, and we are assembling resources to help us. We've brought mental health professionals on to the project to develop custom programs for our needs. We can make them available to you, if you are interested.

I attached scans of some of your files that we recovered from DYAD. There are a few case reports with the signature of the person you asked about, spaced throughout your lifetime. There are also financial records with his name in the list of paid employees. He was without a doubt part of the Leda monitor program. I can provide all of the documentation that we have related to you, if you like, but I thought that would be too much all at once. I know these are hard to look at, but I hope they help let your mind rest. They are very real, and every awful thing we have experienced was also real, no matter how they tried to convince everyone that we were making it all up.

Please take your time with these, and stay in contact if you want to. You can join our mailing list, if you want to know when we have new information or new resources available. We're here for you.

And hey, if you just want to talk to someone who knows what it's like to deal with all of this, I'm here, too. You can reach my personal inbox or IM me at wiz.of.dos@cygnet.org. It'll be okay.

-Veera

Beth had started crying before she even finished reading the letter, much less opened the attachments. She cried so often these days. She only knew why half the time. But this time, it felt like the tears were extracting some of her pain as they left her, instead of just overflowing from the unending wellspring of her directionless distress. All of this was real, and someone else knew it.

Though she was grateful beyond measure for her mother’s untiring support, they were each other’s too-close, ever-present reminders of what they’d survived, trying to act like they weren’t, trying to convince each other and themselves that they were okay. Beth had needed something else, too, something until now unnamed.

This was a handhold, a backstop Beth didn't know she'd been desperate to find. It wasn't just the confirmation of what she’d concluded about her father. The ability speak plainly to someone she didn't feel the need to pretend around was an exhale of a breath held too long. At least one person in the world not only understood, but really and truly didn't want or expect her to act like any of this was normal or okay, or that she would ever be the same again.

Veera – or Mika, as she often went by online – made good on her offer of a sympathetic ear. Their correspondence started off with awkward, grammatically correct messages about the less painful details of their lives. Mika told her about the farmer’s market three blocks away where she went walking early in the morning before it got busy, and the plant stand there that her best friend and roommate Niki (also a Leda) had to ask her to stop buying so many succulents from.

At first, Beth tried to chatter like she used to, but there were no safe subjects. What had happened had touched all of her life. Normally, she’d talk about school, or sports, or her friends. But she was trying to start all over again at a new school with all the struggles that came with it. She didn’t have the time or energy for sports anymore, and talking about them hurt, now. Running used to make her heart sing. But no matter how she tried, there was no joy in the motion anymore. To top it all off, it was as hard to connect with old friends from her old life as it was to try and make new ones. She spent most interactions either doubting her own character judgement or dreading the moment people recognized her Leda face from the news.

She didn’t know how to talk about any of it to anyone. Maybe she could have if it had been just the clone thing or just the dad thing. But the two were inextricably entangled, and she still couldn’t even explain it to herself. It was all unbelievably horrifying, and any time she tried to be honest about it, people ended up disbelieving or horrified. Shocker.

Maybe, though, it wouldn’t be weird to talk about it with Mika. Mika already knew the worst. Beth didn’t have to hide that hurt from her to keep from shaking her world, or to keep her dismissal from hurting Beth. Maybe that’s what was hurting the most: the feeling that even after escaping, she still had to pretend to be okay. That compulsive stifling feeling choked her whenever it bubbled back up. On her bad days, a simple “how are you?” could reduce her to a blank face plastered over a raw tangle of emotions held motionless her own iron grip.

But Mika mentioned having bad days, too. Days came where she was too scared and nightmare-weary to do anything but make herself some tea and soak up some sunlight in the safety of home. Beth could casually say things like after those two months, i still twitch every time i hear a door open, and i wish my body would quit feeling like it doesn’t exist, my legs feel numb. It barely broke the surface of what it was like in her head, but was discomfiting enough for people that she held her tongue at school.

Sometimes, Beth got tired of constantly thinking about all this shit and tried to lighten things up. On one comically disastrous occasion of cultural exchange, she liveblogged Mika her attempt at eating the infamous Scandinavian lutefisk, along with an audio recording of the incoherent horrified noises she made after tasting it. In return, she received a recording of someone, presumably Mika, laughing harder than she’d ever heard anyone laugh before. It made Beth smile. Not many things did, back then.

Slowly, as the formality fell away from their transcontinental conversations, their heavier stories seething below the surface seeped in. Beth had been in therapy long enough now to know that she couldn't just recklessly unload on people the way she did in counseling sessions. But a counselor couldn't always provide the same kind of unspoken solidarity that someone in the same boat could.

Bit by bit, slipped into the chats that were becoming a daily occurrence, they talked about monitors, about what the experiment had really all been for, why that both was and wasn’t important, and how they'd discovered they were a part of Project Leda. Putting words to the pain hurt, a lot. But the ability to lay out long-unspoken truths in front of each other, knowing they were believed in the way that only people who have shared something can, was a healing kind of pain instead of the festering one Beth had been living with.

The two of them had more in common than they'd thought, growing up a world apart. Beth's experience raised under the subconscious wariness of her father's hovering thumb felt a lot like what Mika described growing up largely isolated with her former guardian. But sometimes, whenever they realized that something they'd both thought was normal was pretty not, they got a good laugh out of it despite the weight of their pasts. Mika seemed somewhat accustomed to her normal being considered pretty weird, so she usually took the revelations in stride better than Beth did. Beth wouldn't find out for at least a year after meeting her that it was because of her Asperger's, since it was a topic Mika seemed quite sensitive about.

Mika explained it once, in a conversation full of long pauses on her part and watching the typing icon disappear and reappear on Beth’s. The way she put it, it just meant that her brain worked a bit differently than most people's, processing sounds and sights and all the information it took in at different speeds and with different emphases. The difference could turn everyday things like the sound of a refrigerator running into a splitting headache, or something as simple as the soft texture of her favorite jacket into a kind of bliss. That alternative way of processing also extended to things like words and emotions as well. Sometimes, it took her longer than the world was willing to wait to process them into something that made sense. It often made communication tricky, trying to compensate for the gap in mutual understanding with most people. The world and the people in it could be so overwhelming sometimes, so fast and bright and full of noise and uncertainty and bewilderingly arbitrary social conventions. But the biggest challenge was other people expecting her to do everything the same way they did, ignorant of the fact there were any ways to exist other than their own, and completely oblivious to the fact that she was already putting in at least twice as much effort to communicate with them as they were with her.

And yet, even coming from such a different perspective, Mika gets it. Beth says sometimes i dream of drowning and its not a nightmare and i wake up not knowing how to feel, and Mika says I still dream of burning and wake up not knowing which fires are real, and they both say yeah. And they sit there across the world from each other knowing these things, knowing that it doesn't fix anything. And yet, it does change something. Nothing's any better, really. But somehow, the knowledge that someone else understands makes it a little easier to bear.

And that's just it. Somehow, without ever even having seen her face, Mika sees Beth clearer than anyone. All of her, all the ugly parts she hides so that they can't hurt anyone, and all the good parts that she also hides so that nobody can hurt them or take them away from her. Mika sees all of that and then just tells Beth another story about the Northern Lights she sees on the regular. Apparently, in Finnish, they’re called "fox fires." Beth hardly ever sees the aurora, living relatively far south in a bright city. But her stories about life in the metropolis by the lake intrigue Mika as much as the tales of the twisting green lights do her. And Beth can talk about something lighter again while not having to pretend that the heaviness isn’t there, too, even while she’s just once more trying and failing to explain poutine. For her, the weight never really goes away. But the effort of pretending she’s not carrying it takes more out of her than the weight itself. Mika understands that.

Maybe that’s why Beth had talked it over with Mika first, even before her mom, when she was considering taking a gap year after she hopefully managed to finish her senior year of high school. (God, it was so hard to think about English or math or whatever when just that morning she’d woken from a nightmare about being back in a not-home house that she never escaped.) Beth's mom had been so unbelievably supportive of Beth's recovery, even while she herself was adjusting to the wrenching change in both of their lives. It was both inspiring and a little intimidating. If her mom managed to run a household and raise a daughter all on her own, even while trying to heal from her own trauma, how could Beth not do her utmost, too? She was grateful to be able to talk to Mika about it, to get a reality check from someone who both understood her situation intimately and didn't make Beth feel that pressure of expectation. In the end, Beth did decide to take a year or two off before considering college, and her mom was again nothing if not supportive. Beth figured, after this entire mess, she deserved some time to herself to work on sorting her shit out, and her mom agreed.

After graduating with reasonable if not flying colors, Beth worked a series of part-time and odd jobs that didn't stress her out too much, letting herself focus on her own healing. In between her mom's support, seeing a counselor regularly, and the security of having a friend she could really trust, Beth felt like she was making progress. Slow progress, sure, but progress, nonetheless. Considering that she had seventeen years' worth of lies to unbelieve and emotional trauma to finally acknowledge, Beth figured that there was only so much she could do in the three years she'd had.

Her days were still hard. Getting sleep and waking up and eating and even just existing were still so fucking hard sometimes, and it was horrible. Some days, the thinnest sheet trapped her in bed like it was a car pinning her down. It felt so stupid for such simple things to be so hard. But then her therapist would remind her that that’s what mental illness and trauma was, that this was what the wounds in her mind and heart made her feel like. And once in awhile, sun broke through the shadows, and she had a day that reminded her what an okay day felt like – that okay days existed. That more might.

Now, she’s here, lying in a bright living room so far from home, with her dearest friend in the next room. She’s comfortable, except for the knot in her neck from sleeping oddly on the couch. The soreness pales in comparison to the usual tensions that are so strangely absent. Beth can’t remember the last time she felt this okay. She’s not steeling herself to go to work. She’s not dreading the next conversation with her mother that goes quiet as they both remember awful things they don’t mention. She’s not bracing herself for the next time her brain runs rampant worrying about whether she’ll run into the subject of her restraining order somewhere in the city and have to wonder if he'll honor it.

None of that reaches her here. There’s something about this quiet little pocket of space. It’s overrun with a proliferation of potted plants, from the sprawling lacy-leafed monster in the corner, to the fern peeping out of the kitchen, to the vine cuttings spilling out of an oddly familiar leaf-shaped glass bottle on the sill. Sunlight streaks through leaves and windowpanes and across the colorful patchwork of rugs on the floor. In the midst of it all, Beth is held by a palpable aura of gentleness. It holds her so softly that she doesn't need to hold herself in. It's like the layer of caution that she always keeps wrapped between herself and the rest of the world has simply dissolved away. In this moment suspended in morning light, she is okay.

She feels safe.

The realization undoes something in her. She feels the tears starting, and she expects the taut tension of involuntary stifling that always comes with them to return. But it doesn’t. She lies still and soft on the couch with the water creeping over her cheeks, breath occasionally catching but flowing freely. She savors it in the quiet.

The soft thunk of an ill-fitted door opening breaks into her odd reverie. Mika’s up. Beth sniffs and scrubs at her eyes halfheartedly, but she can’t hide them right now and she doesn’t want to. Mika notices immediately, and comes trotting over with quiet steps, leaning forward all concern.

"Beth," she says softly. She shifts from foot to foot like a nervous cat, watching Beth with enormous eyes. Beth has never met anyone else with such an intense stare. Or maybe it's just the fact that Beth knows beyond all doubt that she's being looked at by somebody who really sees her in her entirety. It's like she's staring right into Beth's soul. But Mika was able to do that long before they saw each others' faces. They've shared so many thousands of words over screens and seas, so many emotions that have gone otherwise unspoken, so many too-early mornings and too-late nights on the fringes of each other's dawns and dusks.

“What’s wrong?”

Finally, a flash of that sick tension runs through Beth’s body. It’s been okay when Mika has asked that before, when it was just silent letters on a screen. But out loud, the question falls on her ears like every well-meaning inquiry she’s ever had to scramble to find an acceptable answer for. The strain begins to cinch tight around her again like coarse ropes across barely-healed skin, ready to compel her to replace the truth with something safer. Her arms and legs tied, she begins to freeze, railing against herself for tainting the softness, the safety of this place.

"Beth." Mika says again, softer but more urgent.

In the gap between thoughts created by hearing her name, Beth seizes the chance to redirect them to the present. She clings to the welling in the corners of her eyes, the warmth of the sun caressing her back. The leaves of trees whisper outside the third-floor window in a mild breeze. The brightness spills over the sill and across Mika’s asymmetrical, half-craggy face and lights up tufts of her short hair as she steps closer. The couch dips as Mika sits down next to her, tilting Beth toward her.

Without meeting her eyes, Mika lifts a hesitant hand that hovers in the air between them, uncertain yet reaching. Her gentle palm falls onto Beth's forearm as softly as a floating leaf. The fingers curl around Beth’s arm just below the wrist, firm but not tight. Comforting.

The softness surrounding Beth seeps back into her, saturating her. As the memory fades like a ripple into water, the tension slackens. But it leaves her shaky, with traces of a familiar ache in her neck muscles, one that goes deeper than the simple stiffness from the couch. She sucks in a few unsteady breaths while Mika gives her arm a gentle squeeze.

“Sorry,” Beth says in a small, awkward voice.

Mika tilts her head. “Why?”

“Uh, I didn’t mean to bring all – this mess, in here.” Beth rubs the back of her neck with her free hand. “It’s so... soft, and okay, and – I don’t wanna ruin it,” she says, trailing off into a mumble.

“Hey.” Mika moves her hand from Beth’s arm to her shoulder. When Beth looks at her, she’s looking right back. Mika's eyes dart down to the floor for a moment, but then return to hold Beth’s with deliberate steadiness. “It’s alright. It’s like this here because we wanted it to be safe to be messy. You’re not ruining anything.”

“... Oh.” She’s steadied by Mika’s fingers curling around her shoulder, by the tendrils of sunlight spreading across her head and back and arms. Mika’s voice is small but steady, and somehow it comes from the same throat that makes that huge pealing laugh. It’s so strange how they sound nothing alike. Until yesterday, Beth hadn’t heard her voice since the lutefisk incident. They’d mostly kept to text and pictures. It had seemed easier, the way it gave them both plenty time to think before they spoke through their different uncertainties. Beth was already planning her trip before they realized that they’d never actually called each other. By that point, it sounded like more fun to meet in person the old-fashioned way.

"I'll make you some tea." Mika abruptly stands and lets go of her. Beth is sad to lose the contact. She flits across the room toward the kitchen in her soft cotton pajama pants, complemented by yet another black graphic tee for yet another Scandinavian metal band Beth's never heard of. Or at least, she'd never heard of them before Mika, who has something to say about all of them, and now Beth knows more than she'll ever need to.

Mika moves in and out of view behind the half-wall that separates the little living room from the kitchen. The fronds of the fern on the counter make a green rustling as she brushes by them. It sends soft feathered shadows waving across the wall opposite the window. Beth hears the rush of water boiling out of sight, and soon sees steam rising from the mug that's being handed to her.

"It's hot," Mika says unnecessarily. She sits down next to her again, this time leaning into Beth with her arm. Beth’s glad for it.

"Have you ditched the bags and gone loose leaf?" Beth says, eyeing the fragments of bright green leaf free floating in her mug.

"It didn't come in a bag. It came from the window."

"The window?"

"It's basil tea. For the fear and pain. Five large fresh leaves in two hundred and fifty milliliters water. We grew it here."

Beth takes a cautious sip. It's surprisingly sweet, and the savory smell of the steam rising from it curls into her sinuses. The aching in her head and neck begin to relax. It's unfamiliar, but it feels like home should, just like everything else here.

"Thanks," Beth says. On an impulse of craving closeness, she leans her head onto Mika's shoulder with a sigh. The sensation of contact deepens as Mika leans against her, too.

Beth holds the cup close, fingers wrapping around its warmth. She takes another sip and gets a bit of leaf stuck in her teeth. The way she scrunches up her face trying to dislodge it pulls a tiny laugh out of Mika.

“You don’t have to be okay here,” Mika whispers. “You can just be. That’s what we do.”

Beth finds her eyes wet again, but she smiles while she sets her mug down and wipes them away. “Kinda already wish I could stay here,” she says with a chuckle.

“... That’s probably not impossible.”

“Really?” Beth asks wryly. “Not even twenty-four hours, and you’d already be willing to put up with me?”

“Twenty-four hours and twenty-seven months.”

Beth melts a little even while waving the idea aside. “I wasn’t serious.”

“I know, but... weren’t you looking at the school here?”

“I mean, yeah, but... really, my mom just thought I deserved a break to get away for a little while. She’d saved up a bit, and I didn’t want to make it a big deal or anything, but she really wanted me to. She knew I wanted to come see you. Checking out the school was mostly an excuse. I know it’s a great place, but... I don’t really think it’ll help with what I wanna do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Beth sighs and leans back, looking at the ceiling. Mika follows her so that they’re still shoulder to shoulder, and pulls her feet up to tuck them in cross-legged.

She flounders for a moment, trying to find where to begin. She hasn’t told anyone this yet.

“This Leda crap has been kind of awful, right? It’s screwed so many of us up. But there’s only, what, a few hundred of us? And that’s not the only reason things get messed up.” She swallows. Her eyes trace irregularities in the ceiling: a knot in an exposed wooden beam here, a sealed and repainted crack there. “Kids like me are a dime a dozen. There’s so many people out there going through hell, just because they got stuck with people who are hurting so much that they hurt other people. And then they go on and hurt more people. It’s a cycle that’s really fucking hard to break.”

Breaths that have become harsh force her to pause and let them lengthen again. A touch on her knee draws her eyes down to a hand resting on it palm up, offering. Beth takes it. Mika squeezes her fingers in reassurance.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a cop like my dad, did you know that?” Mika, eyes wide, shakes her head. “Yeah. That was always my plan. I used to think he was so brave. Wanted to be just like him.” She shudders. Mika grips her hand, steady. “Even if I could do it better than he did, the system is still full of people like him. It’s broken. I couldn’t – I can’t end up like that. I can’t keep being a part of this shit. I want to actually help people.

“I never thought about it before I met you, but the people you brought in to do therapy programs and all for CYGNet? They’re amazing. The stuff I’ve gotten from them has helped me so much. And I don’t know what I’d do without my regular therapist. These people really help people like me. Like all of us. Those are the kind of people I wanna be like.”

Beth’s voice drops and becomes small and secretive, but firm. “I’ve been looking at the social work programs at home. There’s some really good ones at the uni near where mom and I live now. And that’s the city where I grew up. I know how things work there. I know it won’t be easy, but. I could really... do stuff.”

Silence stretches. Beth looks at Mika, only to be completely thrown off by an expression she can’t make heads or tails of. “What?”

Mika’s face is blank yet soft, only barely hinting at her thoughts in the faintest crinkling of her eyes. It’s funny, how quiet her face is most of the time. Beth never would have guessed, going off her online impressions of her. Mika’s so expressive and eloquent with her written words. In person, she is much more subtle. But even after only a day spent around her, Beth is already starting to see how her movements speak volumes in a language of their own. The flickering of her hands flares to life with excitement. The casual shake of her head tosses her hair out of her eyes even when it’s not in the way, like she’s clearing the slate of her mind. And much like Beth these days, she goes very still and tense when she’s getting uncomfortable or overwhelmed, the way she did after a particularly loud whistle at the train station. It shows in her shoulders. They’re soft now though, and she just watches Beth and squeezes her hand once more.

“You’re really amazing, you know,” Mika says.

“Wh- huh?”

“Well.” She looks away and turns their hands over, but doesn’t let go. “After the awful things you’ve been through – nnnh! Don’t pretend,” she says, looking back sharply as Beth begins to protest that she didn’t have it that bad. Mika knows her so well. Beth can’t help but laugh a little. “After all that, you just want to help people. All I ever want to do is get away from them, most of the time.”

Beth quirks a brow at her with a bemused grin. “Really? Because setting up and running an organization that provides mental health resources and extremely important information to a few hundred people is a really shit way to not help people.”

“I never talk to most of them! And CYGNet only has one hundred and thirteen members, not hundreds.”

Beth rolls her eyes with an exaggerated motion. “Yeah, so, you’ve somehow convinced, what, a whole freaking third of a huge group of scared strangers to trust you?”

“A lot of that was Niki and the press team, she’s way better at talking to people th–”

“And you’ve been careful enough and clever enough to keep them and all the information you got from DYAD safe and secure? I can’t even imagine the organization and, and cyber-security and whatever the hell else you put into all this. That you still put in. And look what you’ve done. You’re helping so many people. You found something only you could do, and do it really damn well.”

Mika looks down into her lap, half her face flushed. The raised ridges and swirls of the scarred side are pink, but not as dark. Her shoulders curl in a little, but she doesn’t pull her hand away from Beth’s. If anything, she holds on a little tighter.

“You don’t have to like talking to people to help them. You don’t have to be someone you’re not,” Beth says gently, then pauses as a new thought occurs to her. “Why did you talk to me?”

Mika gives a tiny shrug, eyes still downcast. “You reached out to me. Most people are scared, or suspicious, or hard to talk to, but you were just... honest. You told me exactly what you needed, even if that meant sharing your painful secrets with a stranger. I...” She trails off, looking toward the closed door of Niki’s bedroom. She blinks slowly.

“It reminded me of something Niki said a long time ago. When we first met. We didn’t trust each other at first. But when things got bad, we needed to, and she just... We’d only known each other for a day. She told me a true story that people had called her crazy for, and trusted me to believe her. And when I told her about... my Asperger’s, about being autistic, she just told me something about herself, too, another thing that a lot of people get cruel about when they know. This was back before she came out, too. She was hardly out to herself, then, really. But she told me anyway. ‘Secret for a secret,’ she said.”

“She’s really special to you.” It’s not a question. How could it be, with the sheer softness of love rounding out every syllable and making Mika melt into the couch and into Beth’s shoulder.

“She’s... yes. She’s my family.” Mika looks out the window, and the bright light dances over her nose. “I don’t remember ever having one.”

Beth slings an arm around Mika’s shoulders and smiles as she curls closer into Beth’s side. “Looks like you’re part of a pretty big one, now,” she says, waving a hand at the dozens of photos on the walls circling them.

“I guess so.”

“No need to guess. The evidence is right there. And I’m right here.”

Mika turns those huge eyes on her again. She’s done that multiple times now, even though Beth knows she rarely looks people in the eye. Eye contact is too much, most of the time. She describes it as too intense, too distracting, too intimate. Meeting those eyes – so like Beth’s own, but filled with such a different kind of light – Beth thinks she understands a glimmer of it. If every eye she met were as overwhelmingly expressive as Mika’s, Beth probably wouldn’t meet them all either. It keeps taking her by surprise, coming across their eloquence in an otherwise quiet face. Caught by that gaze, every emotion that lives in it touches Beth. Right now, it’s soft with adoration but shaded with a gradient of doubt. The width and depth of Mika’s eyes reveal a clear view of a vulnerable, aching, healing heart that spent eleven years starving for the love it needs and still hasn’t forgotten the famine.

It might be breaking Beth’s heart. No wonder Niki is always showering her with hugs and kind words and gentle hands on rounded shoulders. Maybe one of these days, Mika will have spent long enough finally getting to soak up all that affection that she won’t look at Beth like this when she says the simple truth.

“Hey. Here I am. Really.” Beth’s voice is a little choked up. She pulls Mika into a proper hug with both arms. Mika squeaks in surprise at being squeezed so emphatically, but returns it all the same. God, but she gives the best hugs of anyone Beth’s ever met. All contact and even, firm pressure and steadiness. “It’s so damn good to see you. I can’t believe you’re...” real, Beth thinks but doesn’t say. I can’t believe I didn’t imagine you. I can’t believe you’re just as kind as your words. I can’t believe how good it feels to be around you. “I can’t believe I’m really here.”

Mika doesn’t say anything. For a moment, one of her hands leaves Beth’s back to fiddle with something, then comes back to give her a little squeeze that Beth returns.

Beth’s phone buzzes a notification behind her on the little glass-top table next to the couch. The table’s wooden base is a round blob carved into the shape of a very fluffy and very ugly sheep with curly horns. Beth’s arms loosen from their embrace as she turns to look at it, bemused. No one but Mika really messages her except for her mom. But if it’s morning here, it’s about time for bed at home. She checks it, just to be sure she’s okay.

But it’s not from her mom.

Mika reaches out to gently grasp her forearm again as Beth shoots her a quizzical look and opens the message.

3mika: I'm glad you're here.

Beth's heart quails.

To think, that her darker days might have kept her from ever being in this moment. Beth might never have gotten to this point, hurt but healing and here. Here, she's seven time zones and an ocean away from the cycle of pain she grew up in, barely aware she needed to escape. She might well feel safer right here in this crossroads of time and place than she has at any other in her entire life. It's a realization that's as humbling as it is nourishing.

Already, the distance this journey has taken her has given her so much perspective. She wasn’t sure, before, whether the work she’s been considering was just a response to what she’s been through – or just a way for the cycle to keep her within its spiral. But she’s seen what Mika can do, what Beth could do one day, if she keeps on.

It won’t be easy. She’ll go back, and deep-seated memories will try to drag her back into small dark places. But being here, even for only a few hours, has already changed her. She can change, and she can grow, and she is already tapping into new strengths that her past has yet to reckon with. She is here, right now, in spite of all of it. And today is not a dark day.

“Me too, Mika. I’m glad to be here, too.” Beth’s tongue stumbles over the name, because she’s never said it out loud before, only read it on a screen.

Surprise sends Mika’s eyebrows up and her eyes wide again, like she’s never heard it before, either. Maybe she hasn’t. She tilts her head again like a question, touching her ear and looking at Beth.

Beth grins. “Mika.” A smile blooms on that curious face, lighting it up. She’s the one who pulls Beth into a hug this time, and it’s both fierce and soft. When she lets go, she leans into Beth’s side again and they stay like that, arms over shoulders and comfortably curled up together, soaking in the warmth of each other’s presence like leaves drink in light. The simple sweetness and companionship of it soothes Beth’s heart, seeking its way into the aching crevices. It’s an odd feeling, both seeping inward and flowing outward, trickling all the way through her until it warms her cold toes in a way that feels both new and strangely familiar.

A long, sleepy yawn announces that Niki’s awake now, too. Soon, she comes out of her room stretching her arms over her head. Mika reaches a hand out toward her to wave in greeting, though she leaves the other arm draped over Beth’s shoulders. Niki smiles at them. That kind smile, too, adds to the warmth washing through Beth. Her feet practically itch with it, and with a growing sensation of déja vu. She fidgets her toes against the floor as Niki walks over to brush Mika’s outstretched hand like a touchstone.

“How'd you sleep? Isn’t that couch the comfiest?” she says to Beth.

“Well, I’ve got a crick in my neck, but I still slept better than I have in years.”

Niki turns her sunny smile on Beth. “Good to hear it. Weird, though, I nap there all the time and my neck’s always fine. Huh. Anyway, I think I might make waffles. You two want some breakfast?”

Mika nods, but doesn’t let go of Beth yet. Beth is lost in thought, trying to remember what that light, floating feeling in her feet reminds her of.

“Sweet.” Niki ambles toward the kitchen and bends down with pursed lips to peer at the fern perched on the counter. “Hmm. You still look a little pale. Let’s get you some more sun.” She brings the plant over to the living room and is fussing over settling it on the sheep table when it clicks for Beth. A physical memory washes over her, for once welcome. She lets it fill her, refreshing like a deep breath of cold morning air her lungs are suddenly hungry for. She flexes her calves and ankles, her legs remembering the joy and freedom of stride and strike. Her bones are finally recalling how they once carried her with ease, even while they're adjusting to the new weight of who she's become. Fully alive again for at least this moment, her soles are practically prickling with the desire to eat up ground.

“How about you, Beth? Do you like waffles?” Niki asks, fluffing the fern’s crinkly green leaves. Mika squeezes her shoulder.

Beth grins and plants steady feet on the blue rug in front of the couch. “Save a few for me? I think I might actually go for a run first.”

[atc74]

Worth Fighting For

Warnings: a break-up, Jensen singing, Jensen in the blue suit (ikr), tears, lots of tears...

Summary: Y/N helps Rob host a New Year’s Eve party, but what she doesn’t plan on is her ex...

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 3094 (with lyrics)

Written for: I received an anon request for this:  if your requests are still open, could you do Jensen X reader - preferably holiday inspired where they meet at a mutual friends' christmas party? Maybe she's a friend of Rob's and can sing. IDK if you need more, but It's been an idea in my head and i love your work

Beta’d by: @hannahindie (I am so sorry for hurting you all week, it’s get better, I promise). 

A/N: This is the second fic I wrote for this request. As I started listening to the music, I couldn’t decide which way I wanted to take it. This is the sad one. Inspired by Louden Swain’s “Too Far Away” and Chris Young’s “Think of You”.

As a reminder, this is a work of fiction and should be regarded as such. No harm is intended toward the actor(s) or their families.

Somehow, Y/N had let Rob talk her into helping him host a New Year’s Eve Party at his home in Los Angeles. It was pretty easy on his part and pretty hard on hers to turn him down. She had been friends with Rob for a very long time, having met on the set of Felicity when she were just starting in the business. He had been a friend to her and shown her the ropes when so much of the industry was toxic she just wanted to give up. But Rob convinced her to push forward and with his support, she was thriving on both the stage and small screen.

She arrived just the day after Christmas and was planning on staying for a couple of weeks. While Rob was filming for his latest project, she made sure the house was clean, the catering was ordered and everything was in place. She had even done cooking of her own, making sure Rob returned each night to a home cooked meal.

She woke with a start at eight in the morning on December 31st. There was still so much to do and so little time to do it! She rushed out of bed to the bathroom, quickly taking care of business and brushing her teeth. Next she hurried to the kitchen and started the coffee brewing while she checked her list. The florist was delivering the centerpieces around eleven. The balloons would arrive shortly after three. The caterers were scheduled to arrive at two and have everything prepped and ready by six. All she would have to do was show them to the kitchen and let them do the rest. They even arranged for servers so she and Rob would barely need to lift a finger.

“Morning,” Rob mumbled, shuffling to the coffee pot. While Y/N was a morning person, Rob, not so much. He needed at least two to even think about moving. She greeted him warmly, then started rattling off things still left to do on the checklist.

“Whoa whoa, whoa! Coffee first,” Rob held up a finger, stopping her list checking. He reached into his robe, pulling out a small card and tossing it to her at the table. “Happy New Year, Y/N. And thank you for all of your help this week. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Awww Rob! You shouldn’t have!” She gushed, opening the card. Her jaw practically hit the table with how wide she opened it. “Rob...you really shouldn’t have!” Inside the card was a gift certificate for a spa day at her favorite salon in town. He had scheduled a massage, along with a facial, manicure, pedicure and full hair and makeup.

“Yes, I should have. I should have done more,” Rob smiled at her over his steaming mug.

“Rob, there is still so much to do today…” she reminded him.

“And I am fully capable of following your list to make sure it gets done. Go and relax, Y/N. You’ve earned it,” he told her.

She spent the next hour making an even more thorough checklist for him with times and names. She then programmed those times into calendar entries on his iPhone to remind him.

It was no surprise that she had been stressed out the last few days. Helping Rob plan the party, knowing full well that her ex-boyfriend would be in attendance. Long distance was hard with him in Vancouver nine months out of the year and her splitting time between New York and Los Angeles. Things had ended amicably enough but she didn’t know if she was ready to see him just yet, fresh wounds and all that.

Y/N strolled through the front door of Rob’s home, completely relaxed, despite everything, and ready for the party. She just needed to get dressed. The party was formal and she had brought with her a little black dress that was perfect. She stepped into her room and closed the door to get dressed when she stopped, her breath caught in her chest. Hanging in the closet was the most exquisite evening gown she had ever laid eyes on. It was navy blue and floor length, with a high neckline, and a silver lace bodice. She gently trailed her fingers over the delicate details, almost giddy at the thought of wearing the dress. She took her time changing and just before the stroke of eight, she stepped out of her bedroom.

“You look absolutely stunning, Y/N,” Rob breathed out. “You will certainly be the belle of the ball tonight.”

“Robert, this dress is too extravagant,” she looked down. “But I am so keeping it because I am in love!”

“I couldn’t let you do all this work and not be the center of attention,” he admitted. “Let’s go greet our guests, shall we?”  Rob held out his arm for her and she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow.

Guests had already started to arrive and were mingling nicely as they entered the main living space. The band was set up in the corner, ready to perform a few songs for the night’s festivities, but hopefully they wouldn’t play all night and take the time to enjoy themselves. She had agreed to sing with the band so quickly, Rob’s head had spun, and she looked forward to being on stage with them later.

Dinner had gone smoothly and now the caterers were putting the finishing touches on the snacks for later, prepared to carry people well into the early hours of the new year. Y/N had done an excellent job of keeping herself busy so she didn’t have time to think about how good Jensen looked in that stupid blue suit. ‘This is what you get for going with a blue and silver theme,’ she thought.

She excused herself from the room, taking a few moments to freshen up before taking the stage. She and Rob would be singing a couple of songs off the acoustic album and she knew from helping him plan the set list, that he had a few friends that would be joining as well. Richard, Jason, Jensen, Briana and Gil were all on the list. It would be a great time and she was looking forward to the rest of it, if she could just get over Jensen.

Coming down the hall, she ran smack into a wall. Well, a wall of man was more like it. She looked up into the evergreen eyes of Jensen Ackles.

“Y/N! I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going!” Jensen looked down at his shoes.

“Hey, it’s totally fine. I wasn’t exactly paying attention either,” she laughed, trying to put both of them at ease. He looked nervous, she were nervous. It was awkward, standing there in the hall, just the two of them. “I-I uh better get back out there. Rob’s waiting for me. It’s good to you, Jensen.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s good to see you, too, Y/N. I’ll - uh - see you out there,” Jensen stammered, quickly taking off down the hall, leaving her staring after him.

“How is everybody doing tonight?” Rob greeted his guests. “I hope everyone is having a great time. I would like to welcome to Y/N Y/L/N to join me. None of this would have been possible without her tonight, so please make sure to tell her what a great time you’re having!”

“Aww Rob, thank you for the pimping of compliments!” Y/N grabbed the extra microphone from the stand, taking a seat next to Rob as he started strumming his guitar.

“Oh you deserve every single one!” Rob told her, before turning back to the party goers. “So Y/N and I are going to sing a little something off the new album for you. This is called ‘Too Far Away.’

Sometimes miss you most

When you are sitting here with me

Sometimes separation is the answer

Absence makes the heart

Grow harder

Each and every day

Now I want you back

But you’re so far away

And we’re running out of time,

There’s a lot I wanna say

Y/N was the one that had picked the song. After all, she and Rob had written it together. They say music is like therapy, and it had definitely helped her deal with the breakup with Jensen.

If I could say the things I want

I’d be a famous poet

Rhymes escape me when you are around

I try to turn back what’s been done

And find you where I left you,

Now I want you back

But you’re so far away

And I’m running out of time,

There’s a lot I wanna say

And it’s playing on my mind

But if luck won’t save me

I won’t go all in

I’ll take one on the chin

But you,

You gave me all you had

When you were here

And now,

You are in a better place than me

Unchain

Rising up to be the better you

That I knew

It was true, she thought, thinking back. She talked to Rob plenty and knew that Jensen was handling their breakup better than she was. He always was the stronger person.

Pulling up the wires,

I find the sadness mixes nicely

With a glass of great Aunt Sarah’s gin

Lengthening the shades

I look out to the vibrant distance

Now I want you back

But you’re so far away

And I’m running out of time

There’s a lot I wanna say

And it’s playing on my mind

And I wish that you could stay

Now the sun begins to shine

But I’m heading for the shade,

And I’m holding on the line

But if this is our time

Let us go in kind

Live our lives as if

Our lives depended on it,

Take the night by hand

Be your favorite band

Take me into you

See if it is true

Now I lay you down

Buried in the ground

But I carry on

‘Cause I must be strong

Strong

Hmmm mmmm

A soft murmur fell over the crowd, as Y/N felt tears well in her eyes. The song was so very personal to both Rob and her, and she couldn’t quell the emotion rising within her. She stepped away from Rob and off the stage, heading outside for some fresh air.

Rob and the band continued playing while Y/N calmed herself. The lyrics had gotten it right, they had gotten it right. She had treated their breakup like a death, mourning the loss like she would that of a loved one. She mentally buried him, but her job, her life, required she move on. She had done her best to remain strong, but sometimes it was too damn hard, on nights like this. She was so wrapped up in her own head that she didn’t hear the footsteps behind her until she felt the warmth radiating into her. She turned her head.

“Jensen…” she whispered so softly he barely heard her.

“You know, I’ve heard that song before. In Vancouver and Charlotte, but that, that was moving, Y/N. I-I know I probably shouldn’t be here right now, but I just wanted to say...shit, I’m sorry. I thought this would be easier…” Jensen faltered, looking away.

“It’s not supposed to be easy, Jay. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It doesn’t get easier, even though everyone said it would,” her voice broke, the tears coming again. “Why can’t it just get easier?”

“Maybe it means we shouldn’t have let it go,” Jensen turned toward her.

“I was tired of fighting, Jay. Fighting for time, fighting for us,” she cried.

“I should’ve fought harder, and I didn’t. I’m sorry, Y/N,” Jensen looked her over, getting a really good look at her. The lights shone brightly in her eyes and set her hair aglow from behind. “You are devastatingly beautiful tonight. That gown is striking on you.”

“Thank you, Jay. It was a gift from Rob. Fit the theme, ya know? Didn’t know it would match your suit, though,” she remarked. “But, I, uh, I gotta get back.” She gestured over her shoulder.

“Oh, yeah, me too,” he agreed. “I’ll let you go first.”

She returned the party and the band where she and Rob sang another song. She and Rob finished out the song to a room full of applause and cheers. “Thank you so much. I just love this. A room full of friends and family and just having a good ol’ time! Let’s do another, Y/N!”

The opening bars of ‘Think of You’ started and Y/N felt herself start swaying to the music. She and Rob had rehearsed this song over and over during the week and she was stoked to sing. She closed her eyes and the let the lyrics surround her as she waited for Rob to start.

But it wasn’t Rob that she heard. She opened her eyes to see Jensen, his gaze locked on her as he sang.

I walk in on Friday nights

Same old bar, same burned out lights

Same people and all the same faces

So why in the hell does it feel like a different place?

She watched him carefully until she picked up her lines. She put everything she was feeling in that moment into the song.

Meet my friends for a girls' night out

Seems there ain't much to talk about

Same drinks that we're all raising

But all of the toasts just don't feel the same

She and Jensen picked up the chorus, not breaking eye contact. She swallowed hard to keep her tears at bay.

We used to be the life of the party

We used to be the ones that they wished they were

But now it's like they don't know how to act

Maybe they're like me and they want us back

It's like there's always an empty space

Those memories that nobody can erase

Of how bright we burned

Well now it hurts, but it's true

When they think of me, they think of you

She thought back to all the cast parties, the after parties, every convention. She saw how people had looked at them. With love, with pride, with envy. Everyone always told them they wished they could have the kind of love she had with Jensen.

They keep asking how I am

But they're really asking where you've been

I can read between all of the lines

It ain't just us missing all of the times

Was that it? Did she miss the attention she had garnered, being attached to Jensen? Her limelight hadn’t faded in the months since they’d separated. But she no longer burned as bright as she did when she was with him. Was it just her missing all of that? She missed him. She missed him more than she cared to admit to anyone, let alone herself.

We were to be the life of the party

We used to be the ones that they wished they were

But now it's like they don't know how to act

Maybe they're like me and they want us back

It's like there's always an empty space

Those memories that nobody can erase

Of how bright we burned

Well now it hurts, but it's true

When they think of me, they think of you

Ain't it funny how a flame like that

Oh whoa, when they think of you

It can burn when it's in the past

We used to be the life of the party

We used to be the ones that they wished they were

But now it's like they don't know how to act

Maybe they're like me and they want us back

It's like there's always an empty space

Those memories that nobody can erase

Of how bright we burned

Well now it hurts, but it's true

When they think of me, they think of you

Oh, they think of you

When they think of me

Baby, baby, oh

When they think of me, they think of you

By the end of the song, they were both crying. Rob quickly took over and they each went their separate ways. It wasn’t until she was outside that she let it all go. What she didn’t notice was Jensen, on the other side of the pool from her, letting his own feelings our out of him like a fine wine.

She looked up the sky, the slight breeze drying the tears on her cheeks, when she smelled a familiar and comforting smell in the wind.

“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t know and if I overstep-” he began.

“Don’t be sorry, Jensen, unless you didn’t mean a word. I-I know it’s just a song, but to me, it’s more than that,” she looked down at her feet, once more unsure of herself and the man standing before her.

“Hey, look at me, please?” Jensen pleaded, placing two fingers under her chin, tilting her face up to look at him. “I’ve been so stupid, thinking we, I, could just let this go.”

“Jensen…” she breathed out.

“No, I was, Y/N. You’re the best damn thing I’ve ever had, and I let you go because of what? A few miles? Scheduling conflicts? How fucking stupid could I have been? I said it before and I’ll say it again a thousand times. I should have fought harder for you. I miss you. I miss us. I want us back,” Jensen murmured.

“Jay, I don’t know,” she hesitated, but deep in her heart she knew what she wanted.

“I can’t promise it will be easy, but I promise you that I will never stop fighting for you, for us,” he vowed. “Whatever we need to do, I’ll do it because you’re worth it. I was too blind to see it before, but it’s clear as day since the day you left.”

“You were always worth it, Jay, I just wasn’t strong enough to fight for what I wanted,” Y/N whimpered, stepping closer to him, feeling his warmth drift over her. The noise inside grew louder by the second. Y/N blinked, looking around before it dawned on her. “It’s almost midnight.”

“Four!”

“Three!” Jensen reached for her hands, holding both of them tightly in his own.

“Two!” Y/N stepped even closer, leaving but a couple inches between the two of them. She pulled his hands to her, placing them on her hips, as hers moved up to his shoulders.

“One! Happy New Year!”

Letting the thrill of the excitement envelop them, Y/N leaned into Jensen, pushing herself up on her tiptoes, despite the three inch heels, closing the distance, and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was soft and slightly hesitant. She pulled back, letting her eyes slowly flutter open as she looked into his.

“Happy New Year, Jay,” she whispered.

Jensen captured her mouth, the kiss heated, leaving them both breathless, filling them with memories of kisses past. “To many happy new years, Y/N.”

Did you like it? Remember, the nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

The Whole Enchilada: @closetspngirl @emoryhemsworth @iwantthedean @meganwinchester1999 @sis-tafics @wilde-abandon @wegoddessofhell @holyfuckloueh @horsegirly99 @smoothdogsgirl @dolphincliffs @thisismysecrethappyplace @neeadinghugs @roxyspearing @theoriginalvicki @andkatiethings @mrswhozeewhatsis @linki-locks11 @evansrogerskitten @hennessy0274-blog @hobby27 @gh0stgurl @charliebradbury1104 @blacktithe7 @the--blackdahlia @fortisetgloriosusinarduis @roseblue373 @hannahindie @pinknerdpanda @cherrycokegirls1 

Jensen’s Jamboree: @supernatural-jackles @dean-winchesters-bacon @cameronbraswell @docharleythegeekqueen @maddiepants @squirrel-moose-winchester @amanda-teaches @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @adoptdontshoppets @akshi8278 @kathaswings @deansgirl215 @x-waywardaf-x  @elara98azalea @jerkbitchidjitassbutt 

[anuschkalova]

The Backup Plan (Chapter 1: The Approaching) Elliot x Reader

Summary: Elliot who suffers from weekly crying attacks finds comfort by chatting with a girl called Y/N that he met online. They have a real mutual understanding and grow close. Elliot enjoys the virtual connection, but is soon forced to step out of his comfort zone.  Pairing: Elliot Alderson x Reader Word count: 2.795 Part 2 HERE

If Elliot had to name one thing that he hated the most, it would be his loneliness.

He hated it whenever the silence overfilled his apartment, making him aware of the missing. He hated the overwhelming sadness that attacked his body, forcing him to curl up into a weeping ball and let it all out. He hated his own fucking blubbering; it was pathetic.  And he hated the fact that his morphine was out. 

Elliot squeezed the empty plastic can in his hand and threw it against the wall. „Fuck!“, he spat and pulled at his hair in frustration, walking in circles. Tonight was far worse than usual - his whole mind was intoxicated by the mixture of every single negative thought he had collected over the years, and this damn mental cocktail was hard to swallow. 

He needed something else to numb the pain, to turn his overheated system into sleep mode. What Elliot needed was a backup plan, a good one and preferentially in the next few seconds.

Flipper’s sudden barking made him slightly jump and Elliot stared at the little dog. She always did this during his crying sessions, probably because she sensed his anxiety. But the longer Elliot stared at the big round black eyes it seemed they fixed something behind him, so he turned and sighed. The computer.

„Of course…“ Elliot sat down and furiously tipped on the keyboard, bringing the monitor to life. Its harsh light illuminated his puffy face and the rest of the dimmed room. 

One klick and the browser opened, Elliot typed swiftly and the white page turned into his surrender: the blue version of his morphine - the most popular social media platform. He created an account, logged in and began searching. Looking for someone to write to, getting off his mind for the moment, exchanging nonsense and feeling normal for once. He went to ‚public groups‘ and thought about a topic, something that his future dialog partner would share with him; a common interest was essential for a fluent conversation. Elliot knew that, but only theoretical.  It was a group called Best movies of all time where he read Y/N’s comment about The Nightcrawler, discussing the two faces of society with three other members and without thinking twice his hands had already started a private conversation.

Elliot A., 12:43  What are your favorite movies?

He brought one hand to his mouth and bit at his knuckles impatiently. Shit, he was so desperate that he forgot a ‚Hey‘ or ‚How are you‘. She probably won’t answer him. One minute had passed and the loneliness was still there. Elliot moved the cursor to close the conversation, eager to find someone else, when a noise accompanied the new message he got.

Y/N, 12:45  I will tell you after a proper greeting.

Elliot A., 12:45  Hey.

He hesitated and typed more.

Elliot A., 12:45  Hey. I’m sorry.

God, why did he have to be that awkward? But nevertheless, he got an answer again.

Y/N, 12:46  Hey, don’t be. I was just messing with you ;-) I do like thriller movies like Shutter Island, Split and Hick. What about you?

Elliot felt his tensed shoulders relax as his eyes roamed over the letters. 

Elliot A., 12:46  Sounds interesting. I like any kind of movie as long as it’s good.

Y/N, 12:46  Haha, and what is ‚good‘?

Elliot A., 12:46  Back to the future is pretty good.

Y/N, 12:47  Yeah, I’ve seen it. So you like the sci-fi genre or just the imagination of traveling through time?

Elliot A., 12:47  Don’t we all wish to do that somehow?

Y/N, 12:47  In order to escape reality, yes. 

Elliot leaned closer to the monitor. He felt a weird sensation, as if somebody had put a cozy blanket over his back and rubbed the soft fabric on his skin while whispering I understand you. Did Y/N understand him?

Elliot A., 12:47  Do you wish to escape reality sometimes?

His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he awaited her answer. Elliot was so nervous that he didn’t register his burning eyes due to not blinking. His body however forced him to do so and after his eyes were set back to the monitor he had a new message.

Y/N, 12:48  Yes.

Her answer was short, but it revealed so much more. Elliot, intrigued by Y/N, clicked on her picture to visit her profile. It was set private, so he just stared at her smiling face. She looked so happy and open-minded, her messy bun had lost some strains of hair that framed her blushed cheeks. What story hid beneath those sparkling eyes? What made her wish to escape reality? Elliot’s fingers began to tingle, they always did before he hacked a person. He felt the urge to open her sealed book, reading the missing lines that would complete her story, the beginning and the ripped out pages - he wanted to know everything - every misery and every secret. 

The familiar annoying noise of another message interrupted his thoughts.

Y/N, 12:49  I don’t want to seem weird or anything, considering we chatted for only 5 minutes, but I’m glad you texted me, Elliot. 

Every word became more blurry as Elliot’s eyes teared up. He ran his hand over his face and took a deep breath. Her honesty unwrapped his true intention, so gently and careful not to rip the thin paper that covers his vulnerability. 

Elliot A., 12:49  I am the weird one. I know it must sound pathetic, but I needed someone to talk to.

Y/N, 12:49  Then you’re not alone. I need someone to talk as well. Idk why, but it’s so much easier with a stranger than a friend.

There it was. He read the sentence over and over like a mantra. You’re not alone. You’re not alone. You’re not alone. And then, the loneliness was gone. Elliot, who went to therapy for over two years now, started to understand Krista’s words. His therapist always urged him to tell his thoughts instead of bottling it all up inside. Now, the relief was overwhelming as the lid was removed, the inner pressure left his body in pleasant small waves. 

Elliot A., 12:49  I understand you. 

Y/N, 12:50  :-) Btw, I guess you’re a man? You have a unisex name, my sister’s name is Elliot as well. 

Elliot A., 12:50  You’re right. How do you know?

He had no profile picture and no information given to the site besides his name. Of course Elliot had used a fake e-mail account during the registration process. The internet was not trustworthy. 

Y/N, 12:50  The way you write gives it away. Or maybe I just traveled through time and got a glimpse of you.

She tried to lighten up the mood and Elliot appreciated it. His lips twitched into a quick smile before he typed his answer.

Elliot A., 12:51  I take option two. So how do I look?

It took a while for Y/N to answer, so he went over to Flipper’s bowl to fill it with fresh water. The little dog wagged its tail happily while drinking. The roll chair creaked when Elliot sat back to read her text.

Y/N, 12:55  You have bright eyes, blue or green, I couldn’t tell in the short time and you have natural curly hair, brunette and not too short. You wear glasses and a knitted oversized sweater with cats on it.

Elliot A., 12:56  I almost believed you. 

Y/N, 12:56  Was worth the try and hey, I don’t judge.

Elliot A., 12:56  I’m more a dog person. 

Y/N, 12:56  Cool. What’s his/her name?

Elliot A., 12:56 Flipper.

And so Elliot told Y/N the story of how he got Flipper, of course leaving out the hacking part, and they continued writing about this and that. He learned that she was addicted to coffee and long hot baths; that she enjoyed going to the cinema and secretly danced at home to 80’s music. Y/N on the other hand found out that Elliot worked for a cybersecurity company and that he had a sister as well. When Y/N excused herself for a moment, Elliot checked the time. It was 2:28 am and for the first time during this day he was calm. The anxiety had crawled back into the back door of his mind and Elliot won’t open it for the rest of the night. He decided to end the chat and go to sleep, work awaited him in 4.5 hours.

Elliot A., 02:28  I’ll go to bed now. It was nice talking to you, Y/N. 

Y/N, 02:29  Alright. Good night, Elliot. Keep the systems clean :-)

Elliot A., 02:29  I will.

Y/N, 02:29  See you soon.

___

That conversation took place on a Sunday night, and since then the two of them would chat every time Elliot suffered from his loneliness. He could go for a week, completely fine by himself, enduring the lack of human interactions in his life, just to break down within the safety of his apartment. But Elliot had his personal backup plan - Y/N. They wrote about nonsense and meaningful things, about deep emotions and opinions. She was the anchor when his anxiety washed over him like a giant wave, she would keep him on the surface and Elliot stopped panicking.

The routine was set like a clock:  Crying and writing to Y/N. One week past. Crying and writing to Y/N. One week past. Crying again and writing to Y/N.

It worked. She became an important part in Elliot’s life and so it was only natural for him to hack her. He had lasted two days before he gave in and followed his nature. Private messages with friends and family, bank and e-mail accounts, online-shopping activities and social media profiles were not safe from Elliot’s endless thirst for knowledge. He was more than glad to find out that she told him the truth. Then, something caught his attention in her browser’s history, a specific search.

>>Cybersecurity company New York Elliot<<

Y/N had tried to find him. Elliot leaned back in his chair and kept his eyes locked to his name. It was understandable, her wish to put a face to the person she spend hours and hours writing to. Elliot got it, but he still felt uneasy about the imagination showing her his face.  Their relationship would reach a new level of intimacy. He wouldn’t be a screen to her anymore, but a real human. A human she could meet in real life.

„Elliot?“ Krista’s soft voice addressed him, causing him to snap out of his thoughts.  Today was Thursday and Elliot sat on the large couch of his therapist’s office. She titled her head a little. „You are quieter than usual. What are you thinking about?“ Elliot refused to meet her eyes and instead looked down at his fumbling hands. He hadn’t told Krista about Y/N until now.

„I’ve met someone…“ Elliot could see from the corner of his eyes how the woman’s head lifted up, eyebrows raised. He got her full attention. „That’s great, Elliot. Tell me about him, her.“ „Her name is Y/N… We are writing a lot“, he said slowly and his face softened. It was the first time he said her name out loud and he liked the way it left his lips. Krista noticed the change of Elliot’s mimic and smiled in satisfaction. Seeing her patient like that really warmed her heart.

„So you haven’t met Y/N so far?“ Elliot’s head twitched slightly and he turned towards the window. „Elliot?“ „I’m afraid of showing her my face. What if she’ll be disappointed?“, he spoke quietly and Krista watched him swallowing hard, fighting against the upcoming tears.

„What if I won’t match her expectations? We live in a world where looks and status rule. Swiping left because the nose is too big or the eyes are too narrowed, the first impression is always crucial for a relationship.“ Elliot began to shake as the anger built up, his eyes darting across the room before he finally locked gazes with his therapist. Krista raised her hand and motioned him to calm down. He took a deep breath and clenched his hands. 

„You are talking about relationships. Do you feel something for Y/N and are afraid of her possible rejection?“ Elliot shrugged his shoulder and kept his eyes down. „But Elliot, she must be special if you write so much with her. Do you really believe that she’s superficial and will abandon you?“ Krista was right. Y/N wasn’t like the others, she was willing to write to a complete stranger who’s face she hadn’t seen. She had trusted him and what did Elliot do? Hacking and accusing her for being a hypocrite. 

„No…“, he mumbled and Krista nodded. „I know I tell you this every time, but real human interactions are important for you, Elliot.“

___

Y/N, 10:13  Hey, how are you? 

Elliot frowned at Y/N’s message. It had been three days since his last crying session and she was never the one who approached him first. Y/N always waited for him to start the conversation, because she probably knew not to push him.

Elliot A., 10:14  Hey, is everything okay?

She didn’t answer right away and it fed Elliot’s worry. He tipped his fingers against the wooden desk and his nervous tick made Flipper bark in response. „Sorry“, he said to the dog and finally he heard the noise of a new message.

Y/N, 10:17  I’m sorry it’s just… I feel so alone right now. My shithead of boyfriend broke up with me and I’m not sad about it, just really mad. I knew that he cheated on me and I planed on breaking up, it’s just that he accused me of destroying the relationship… He blamed me for everything and it’s just so frustrating.

Guilt laid heavily on Elliot’s shoulder as he recalled today’s therapy session. He also had blamed his anxiety on her and Elliot regretted it. He also regretted hacking her and therefore feeling the lack of surprise. He had read the chats of Y/N and her boyfriend, hacked his profiles and found out about his dirty secret named Samantha. Judging by the texts, he had cheated on Y/N for 1.5 years and Elliot was often tempted to blow his cover.

But he didn’t, because Y/N knew it. She wrote with her sister about his cheating and how she was going to break up with him. Or using her words ‚beating his ass up‘.

Elliot A., 10:18  Don’t be sorry. I would feel the same. He is more than a shithead if he gives up on such a smart and funny woman.

He hoped that his words eased her pain a little. God, he was so bad at this. How did Y/N just managed to safe him every time he was close to falling apart? He saw her typing, but then she paused a moment before she continued.

Y/N, 10:20  Thank you, Elliot. 

She was holding back something, he felt it.

Elliot A., 10:20  You can tell me anything, Y/N. Don’t hide.

Elliot scoffed at his own text. Don’t hide. He should be the last person telling her to not hide. But his words actually reached her and Elliot’s heart stopped beating when he saw her plead.

Y/N, 10:22  I just wish you could hold me in your arms. I’m sorry if it’s weird, but I trust you so much and I know you probably want to keep it this way and maybe it’s just because of my emotions, but I want to know you more.

Elliot could visualize her crying face - eyes red and cheeks glistening from her salty tears. She must be so desperate if she asked him for the one thing she knew he avoided all the time. Elliot’s backup plan was a real human with real emotions and a beating heart. Y/N had saved him so many times, so wasn’t it his turn to return the favor? His hands ghosted over the keyboards, waiting for his brain’s order. He wet his dry lips as he tipped his message to her.

Elliot A., 10:24  We can meet tomorrow if that’s okay.

To be continued… Part 2 HERE

[moonwolfhowl]

Yuletide 2k19 edition

Hiyo, first off I’m moonwolfhowl on tumblr and nightmoonz on AO3. I’m really excited that you got me and I just want to thank you so much in advance and I really hope you have fun with this!!

Secondly, here are a couple things that I like and dislike, (and some prompts but you can take ‘em or leave ‘em). If you’re not 100% sure on if something is or isn’t my deal my ask box is open and the anon option is turned on.  

Ratings: I prefer through T-M, but tbh I’m pretty easy so if you wanna go up to E feel free ^__^“’

Likes, Loves and DNWs:

Likes and Loves!

AUs! No, seriously, every kind of AU

Humor! Especially: sarcasm, witty banter, etc…

Angst and hurt/comfort are awesome!

Slow Burns

MUTUAL PINING and/or SEEMINGLY unrequited feels

idiots to lovers, this can either be enemies to lovers or friends to lovers. sort of related to the point straight above XD

found families

Fake relationship/dating/marriage you know for a cover/mission/(fill in the blank)

Bed Sharing

Sex Pollen

“In Vino Veritas” 

Happy Endings!!

Squicks/DNWs (do not wants):

Character Bashing

Abuse of any kind

Cheating

Actual unrequited feelings

Harm to animals

Non-Con

Incest

Mpreg

Major Character Death

Scat and/or Watersports

2nd and 1st person perspective

Spiders especially Tarantulas, this is a huge trigger for me

Okay! I’m gonna put a break here because this is a long post and all prompts/ideas are below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alrighty, so these are just some silly prompts or ideas that you can take from or totally ignore altogether! It’s really just some ideas that you can look to if you’re stuck or need a jumping off point.  And man, like if you already had an idea? Please feel free to go with that instead, I just want you to have fun  = ^__^ =  

Also again, if you have any questions the anon option is turned on for my ask box.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OOctopath Traveler - Therion, Tressa Colzione, Cordelia Ravus, and Leon Bastralle

Oh boy this game. I have no words that can even describe how much I LOVE this game. The storytelling was fantastic and I got really invested in not just the main 8 but in all of the minor/side characters too. I know I have Therion, Cordelia, Tressa and Leon specifically but if you want to throw in any of the other characters in the tagset you totally can, same with any side ships (here’s looking **You don't have to include ALL the characters I selected here in your fic, you can mix them up or follow a prompt I have. I only request that you include at least one of the ones picked here <3

I’m kind of open to anything but if you do need a jumping off point (and/or want to see me gush over my favs) check out the prompts below

Therion - I love him and would die for him he is my perfect little trash bandit. It kills me how he longs to belong somewhere but is equally afraid of it for very good reasons. Because of this he’s so heavily guarded and *sobs* his reactions to people (the 8 and Cordelia) genuinely caring about his wellbeing? It just hrrk! I’m so happy I started with him, that I got to see his growth throughout the story and how his emotional wounds finally seem like they’re on their way to healing. Tressa - My adorable little gremlin, she’s such a little badass! While money may be on her mind a lot she’d never cheat anyone! She’s genuinely kind and her travel adventure is so interesting because it’s about exploring the world, experiencing new places—and while she has a certain understanding of this—she learns the true meaning of sentimental value in things. I love her so much. Leon - I love how much of his character is wrapped up in some mystery and that he seems like a tortured but mature soul (as you can see I have a type.) Cordelia - I love Cordelia and she is entirely underrated. She’s been through quite a lot and her faith in my best boy helped him come back into the world able to to trust and love people again. She’s very soft and caring and now that her stolen heirlooms have been restored to her she can come back into the world herself.

Gen ideas:

Tressa and Therion teasing TF out of each other doesn’t matter what about or who about. I just love them and they have such a brosis vibe

Tressa spear fishing and shocking Therion or everyone by it, you can add any and/or all of the characters in the tag. (Inaccurate Tressa, "What? I live in a Port Town my dudes.”)

I know this is cheesy but Therion having his first Apple Pie would destroy me ; __ ; it can be when he’s little or an adult, AU, Canonverse or Canon divergent it can be a Birthday treat to himself, it can be the first thing he pays for with money he earned on his own. If you want to include any character my sign up sheet or want to include any other octo character(s) that’s fine too!

Shippy ideas (which I’m a little more into but whatever you are comfortable with is a-okay by me):

Cordelia Ravus/Therion (Thordelia)

THEM *SWOONS* I just love them, Cordelia helps my baby boy trust in people again and brings happiness back to his world… and he has so much respect for her I’m just— ; __ ; I just love them

Actor & Author relationship: AU, Canonverse or Canon divergent you name it!

Again Tressa teasing TF out of Therion but specifically about Cordelia (esp after his chapter good god. *swoon*)

Cordelia’s POV on her Noble Thief

Anything post game like I wouldn’t mind seeing her rebuilding Bolderfall, visiting each layer of the city and helping it thrive

Fake Dating. Any Setting XD

The “I’m supposed to take out the target but I fell for them instead” is also very good

Tressa Colzione/Leon Bastralle

; w ; their relationship and care for each other—like Thordelia’s—makes my heart melt

Any kind of them traveling together and developing feels on the open seas post game

Her being his apprentice and learning from him while teaching him some new things

Does Leon have a thing for the arts? Is that why he’s particularly enamored endeared to Tressa spotting the painting?

yeah ngl anything, my thirst is real

A Very Shippy and utterly ridiculous prompt. Tressa x Leon (Treon? Lessa?) and/or Thordelia (however if you wanna include other side ships like Olberhardt or H’aanit x Ophilia for example you can go for it!)

Masquerade! Can be Canonverse, Canon Divergent or AU!

A Masquerade ball in which: 

They can either know each other beforehand or not

Halloween Party, Adults, College AU

idk this is just something to have fun with and hey lol if you wanna make it more mature feel free

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Promare - Lio, Galo, Gueira, Meis

Man this movie messed me up and all the right ways. Honestly one of the most chilling things was to see all of the Burnish being used as engine fuel… I like—ngl I cried, and then when Lio gets used as the core? ; __ ;

Honestly I will be happy with anything you come up with, there are so many possibilities just know that a heavy angst fic is A-okay by me, but if you want to do a flufflier or humor fic those are also so Very VERY good. I have some ideas below but again like if you have an idea in mind or started something by viewing my likes list go for it!

**You don't have to include ALL the characters I selected here in your fic, you can mix them up or follow a prompt I have. I only request that you include at least one of the ones picked here <3

Lio - Um yes I love him. He’s just such a tortured soul and true cares about people. I like—honestly he is my favorite character. The way he used his flame to protect Galo? How hard he fights for the Burnish? How hard Gueira and Meis fight for him and stop at nothing to save him speaks volumes about the kind of person he is. I just love him and want him to have nice things

Galo - This wonderful brilliant dumbass. I also love him and despite me calling him a dumbass he’s actually pretty with it when it comes to adapting to his environment. He also takes in new information and rather than reject it out right he examines it critically. Like the way he approached Kray about the Burnish experiments was not the smartest… However, he still went to find the truth no matter how much it could have hurt him and that really defines what kind of guy he is.

Gueira & Meis - So unfortunately we didn’t get to see much of these two but what we did get to see was GOLD. I love them, I love how they fight so hard to protect their fellow burnish and how loyal they are to Lio. Like omg when the Burnish were being rounded up but they used the last of their strength to save Lio, believing—knowing that he would come back for them? *hrrk* My heart.

So okay!!! Ideas and/or prompts! Again you don’t have to use these if you don’t want to <3

Anything Shippy with Lio and Galo + hurt/comfort?? 10/10

An AU where the Promare gift the Burnish with their “fire bending” abilities permanently

Anything found family esp if it's adopting Lio's litter fam with Galo's ; w ;

I'd love to see what was going on with Gueira/Meis while they were locked up side by side. What did they talk about? Their faith in Lio? Them possibly growing up with Lio? Their feels for each other? And honestly you can go as angsty as you want to with this.

Gueira & Meis being over protective (big bros) of their boss and bestie Lio. (Poor Galo lmao)

Feel free to include any other characters you want from the tag set or canon in general ^___^ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crescent Moon - Any

Ah… my poor beautiful tiny manga fandom… I love this 6 volume series so much. The storytelling can be fast paced at times but it doesn't even phase me considering how detailed and intricate the themes, lore, relationships and monsters & magic are. For this fandom anything goes, like any AUs, tropes, canon compliant or divergent is all welcome here.

Bonus points if you have your own take of the song/legend: “Princess Princess why do you cry?”

If you want to make a fic about the Princess and the Demon boy when they were kids, or have any fic at all featuring them (kid or adult) I'm all for it.

I love Mahiru Shiraishi/Mitsuru Suou they are such little disasters anything with them would be amazing but I’m a multishipper so if you have a ship that isn't them and you've been dying to write your ship? Write your ship! I'd love to read it!!! 

And anything including Akira is god tier - he is the bestest boy. 

I’m sorry I know this prompt is very open ended and very vague but like I’d just be happy with anything

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [fam christmas woooo when you ain't talked to your sister in 4 months either just to make it more awks] Rio: [what a fun time for all, when you are constantly on your phone so much 'cos Ryan won't stop messaging you and wants a play by play Buster: [he'd be drunk before he even got there ffs boy] Rio: [when it's that point in the evening when everyone is playing stupid games tipsy and you just cannot so you go hide in the kitchen] Buster: [let's say he bumps into her literally cos yeah what you need is another drink boy] Rio: [when you literally jump back like 'oh'] Buster: [when you do the thing peeps do to me & go twenty miles out of your way round her] Rio: ['Don't fall, McKenna'] Buster: ['Only for you, babe' too drunk & voice too loud] Rio: [When you swipe his drink off the counter 'fore he can stop you can take a sip and put your finger to your lips like 'shh, idiot' and hand it back to him, shaking your head] Buster: [When you down that drink so you have to get another & be in there longer] Rio: ['tis the season' when even when you're talking you're constantly on your phone and not that bitch and they love eye contact but she's not smiling like 😍 it's more like 😑] Buster: [when you take her phone before she can stop you & put it down where she can't reach it] Rio: [the lowkey panic in your eyes that you try to mask, 'Come on, don't be a dick'] Buster: ['Don't be rude'] Rio: ['Your territory, I know'] Buster: ['You trying to come for my crown now?'] Rio: ['Maybe' trying to move a chair to wherever he's put her phone] Buster: ['Antisocial is closer to the other twin. Try harder' Lifts her up so she can get it cos drunk & shameless] Rio: [When you stop breathing 'til you're back on the ground and then you breathe out so heavily, 'You wanna be social now? Party's in there' points to the lounge] Buster: ['Hopeless romantic is more her thing too' throws the words over his shoulder as he leaves cos he knows about the bf through stalking them socials] Rio: What are you talking about Buster: You love him Buster: It's cute Rio: It's not even been a month Buster: Moving fast is more of a lesbian thing, like I said, Nance will either be thrilled or threatened Rio: Talk to her and see Rio: though you've definitely got better things to catch up on than my dating history Buster: Put your phone down & try it yourself Rio: I see her every day Buster: Run out of shit to say then? Understandable Buster: Probably don't tell her that though Buster: So rude Rio: I'm not trying to take away from your sibling bonding time Rio: soz Buster: You can't take something that don't exist Rio: It exists, you both just choose to ignore it Rio: least it's mutual though so Buster: Nah, it's been scratched out the schedule instead of penciled in Buster: Still siblings no time to bond Rio: Hmm Rio: you're SO busy, yeah Buster: Yeah Rio: Lovely Buster: Not the word Rio: Not so miserable I'm here to listen to the 'stresses' in your life, tah Buster: Never said it was negative, I just don't use old lady vocab, like Buster: You sound like a teacher Rio: 🙄 Rio: Now you're gonna chat shit on my vocabulary, alright private school Buster: I am a pleasure to have in class if you wanna let my parents know Rio: That was the whole point, remember Rio: how would I know Buster: Play really well with others too but probably don't let 'em know how you know that Rio: You'll be wanting to delete that, I presume Rio: surprised you've even got the balls to talk to me at all Buster: How many convos did you start? Buster: I weren't expecting you to jump out of a cake but a happy birthday would've been polite Rio: Likewise Rio: Expecting or fantasizing, you'd have to make a booking Rio: not showing up uninvited, heaven forbid Buster: Mine was first, babe & I ain't never pretended to be that Rio: So if I'd have said it to you, you'd have returned the favour Rio: You're so childish Buster: We'll never know now Buster: What I might've said Buster: Or gifted you Rio: Save it up for sweet 16 Rio: maybe you'll be allowed to talk to me then Buster: Maybe I'll show up in time to stop the wedding Buster: Fingers crossed you don't get knocked up like your mum Rio: Shut up Buster: Only so much your good looks could do to beat the odds of it being an ugly kid Rio: What would you know Buster: Flawless + Fuck ugly = you're right I don't know Buster: Don't wanna Rio: You've never even seen him Rio: don't be so judgmental Buster: Wrong again, babe Buster: Factual more like Rio: Well I clearly don't think so if I love him so much, do I Buster: That'll be all the cum in your eye Rio: So mature Buster: They don't age check on those vids, it's fine Rio: should run a basic IQ test on you Rio: someone who claims to be such a pleasure in class, like Buster: I've done one but I know you hate when I brag about numbers Rio: That's universal Rio: no one but your hanger-on mates wants to hear that Buster: Your friend loved it, she thinks hers is lucky Rio: I'm glad you found someone officially more stupid than you then Buster: That's universal Buster: Applicable in every case, like Rio: Sure she loved being told that too Rio: such a bullshitter Buster: We didn't do that much talking Buster: Once I'd told her what to do, not much else left to say Rio: Why are you still talking Buster: Why are you still replying? Rio: Gotta be on my phone ain't I Buster: Not in this convo though Rio: Well you're blocking my notifications Rio: you'll pussy out soon enough and be gone Buster: Well I'm drunk. Mute me Rio: Take some responsibility for yourself Rio: you always want me to do everything Buster: So you don't want a line then? More for me Rio: That explains why you're talking so much shit Rio: go on then Rio: have to be here so Buster: [brings it to her cos gentlemanly] Rio: [goes off to the bathroom, 'cos learnt something about getting caught, humming white christmas like] Buster: [lols] Rio: Cheers Buster: Merry Christmas Rio: Merry Christmas, Buster Rio: [bringing the baggie back, assuming there's plenty to go around here] Buster: [does his off the kitchen counter cos wants to be where she is] Rio: [rolls her eyes but licks a finger to clean up the excess and sucks it off] Buster: [is 😏] Rio: ['still like danger, do you?] Buster: ['Don't you?'] Rio: ['Obviously'] Buster: [picks her up & puts her on the counter cos throwback & is standing between her legs like close af 'good to know'] Rio: ['How gone are you?' cos what else can you say rn] Buster: [whispers 'depends who you ask' in her ear and puts a finger to his lips like its such a big secret okay boyyy] Rio: [lols, 'thanks for inadvertently answering my question there' but is just looking at him still like #conflict] Buster: [reaches round her to take her drink cos left his in the other room] Rio: ['oi!' pouty face] Buster: [rather than just giving her it back like a normal person, feeds her the drink like this is crepes 2.0] Rio: [into it.com, 'sharing is caring today, huh?'] Buster: [a nod because so much eye contact so much tension who can speak] Rio: [when you're so close now your phone is the only thing between you and then it goes off and you shit yourself] Buster: [angry.com idk whose house they are in but blatantly walks off & punches the wall in potential full view of the fam cos coke ain't your friend boy] Rio: [when you gotta go outside to have that call 'cos not only not wanting him to hear but everyone tbh] Buster: [when everyone's like umm wtf buster but you ain't having it so you storm out & are also outside but the front while she's in the back] Rio: [when every convo is like talking him off a ledge 'cos he's that bitch do not need this Ryan, even a little bit, going back in finally to get a drink 'cos 1. need and 2. hoping he's had the same idea] Buster: [when you're just having a meltdown lowkey] Rio: I'm just sending this in case you want anything but me to fuck off Buster: I can't Buster: Want anything but that Rio: I'm sorry Rio: genuinely Buster: Don't Buster: Just fucking do not Rio: What can I do Rio: tell me and I'll do it Buster: Nothing Rio: that's what you need? Buster: Don't talk to me, don't talk to me, fucking none of it Buster: *Look Rio: Okay Rio: I will Rio: I'm not gonna give out totally empty promises it'll be hard but I will Buster: [When you just yeet like where do you think you're going at Christmas babe] Rio: [Later] Rio: Tell someone where you are Buster: Why would I do that? Buster: & Why would you ask me to? That's a broken promise already Rio: That's what I do Rio: I'm a shit person, like you don't know by now Rio: but they're gonna go out looking if you don't soon so heads up Buster: Let 'em, I don't care about ruining their fun in case you didn't know by now Rio: Alright Rio: if you don't wanna stay where you are Buster: Why? Rio: Know they'll find you Buster: No, why do you love him? Rio: Honestly? Rio: I don't, you can believe that or not but I don't Rio: I'm just trying, you know Buster: I believe it, if only 'cause I want to Buster: That & I've seen him Rio: Alright 😂 Rio: it's not all about looks, general statement, not a declaration of love Buster: He's got that good of a personality, yeah? Rio: Well Rio: said I weren't it love with him, didn't I Rio: he's alright but it really don't go much deeper than that right now Buster: There's no chance he knows that Buster: Unless he's just that chatty with everyone Rio: Yeah Rio: he's a lot Rio: just that type, you know Buster: Do you want me to chat to him? Buster: I can be a lot Rio: Don't think that means you should be besties Rio: it's fine though, honestly Rio: I can handle him, and whoever else Buster: Alright Rio: are you Buster: Don't ask me questions you already know the answer to Buster: You ain't meant to even be talking to me Rio: Yeah Rio: just want the answer to be different Rio: can't be acting surprised, notoriously bad at keeping any kind of promise, and leaving you alone Buster: Maybe Santa will bring you what you want next year, babe Buster: Don't waste your birthday wish though Rio: 🤞 Rio: Sure some other fucker's got to the wishbone too Rio: keep an eye out for shooting stars Buster: Do my best Buster: Any less isn't an option, like Rio: Nah Rio: what can I say if you don't? Rio: see, best gift of all yeah Rio: room to breathe Buster: I know that ain't yours to me, someone's fucked with that tag Rio: Yeah, I just got you socks but worth trying to claim it Rio: you got me Buster: Socks have their uses Buster: Cold feet or otherwise Rio: Yeah, think of me whenever your feet are cold Rio: 😂 Buster: Obviously Rio: Where are you then Buster: You're not getting an invite Rio: Just curious Rio: Anyway, with you gone and them out looking, I've got the drinks to myself now so tah Buster: Shame it's not the house Buster: That'd be worth coming back for Rio: Stay gone a few hours more maybe the search party will include rugging up all the kids Rio: keep you posted on how special you are Buster: Cheers Rio: it's just your da and granddad Rio: which I did point out probably wasn't the best team when assumedly you've found a pub that's open Rio: might have to stop for a pint, even if you ain't Rio: rude not to Buster: & I had my money on mum & Nance, gutted Buster: The fan club's a fucking sham Rio: shit state of affairs, honestly Rio: where's janis when you need her Rio: sure she'd find you Buster: Only if you'd started searching first Buster: & Were about to find me Rio: That would've been a well good excuse Rio: just tryna find enlightenment it's okay Rio: my ma would buy it and she's the nosiest so Buster: There was a ticket to Heaven on offer so Rio: should've come on the search, like Rio: knew I'd fuck up the talking one so reckoned I could at least go a day or two without looking Rio: if I played it right Buster: I still haven't been found Buster: If you wanna do the honours Rio: Hide and seek Rio: what do I win? Buster: I told you not to ask when you already know the answer Rio: Okay Rio: wish its me that finds you 'cos awkward if it's them Buster: I don't need hope or wishes, remember Buster: Neither do you Buster: Not for this Rio: Okay Rio: no cheating, I'll know Buster: I swear Buster: Head boy's honour, like Rio: are you actually head boy now Buster: Did you actually think I wouldn't be? Rio: Didn't doubt you for a second Rio: hot Rio: in a nerdy way Buster: I'd have brought the badge if I'd have known you were so into it Rio: I know this christmas was going pretty shocking but you've really ruined mine now Buster: [sends her a pic of him when he was wearing it] Buster: You bring me problems, I offer you solutions Rio: 😍 Rio: If you ever go proper missing, make sure they use that Rio: well inspiring Buster: I can do better, but they can't show that level of inspiring on the news Rio: not even the 10 o'clock one Buster: Probably keep 'em your eyes only, babe Rio: Fine by me Rio: I wanna be the one to find you anyway Buster: I want you to Rio: Lemme sniff this out Rio: did you have your keys on you Buster: I always have my keys on me Rio: if you've gone home that's so funny Buster: You know I'm hilarious Rio: Your dad is Rio: if we wanna keep ruining the festivities tell your mum how dumb he is Rio: be a hoot Buster: Will do Buster: Hold on Rio: Alright? Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: Well if you've had an empty house this whole time and you're only just telling me Rio: don't know if this is even you tbh Rio: convincing serial killer maybe Buster: I just needed Buster: That breathing room I got as a mystery gift Rio: Makes sense Rio: I don't have to come Rio: if you still wanna be left alone, I won't tell Rio: they can worry a bit longer Buster: You do have to Buster: I wanna be alone with you Rio: I want that too Rio: hold on Buster: Okay Rio: Promise you'll take my phone away when I get there Buster: If you promise not to tell anyone that I think my hand is fucked Rio: How fucked Rio: like, if you show me how to strap it we can do that or sneaky trip to A&E fucked Buster: Like I can already hear the lecture about punching walls instead of bags Rio: We'll sort it Rio: I won't tell anyone Buster: Thanks Rio: doesn't mean I don't get to fuss though Buster: Such a mum Buster: I ain't got that many issues that its a turn on for me, you know Rio: Shut up Rio: so rude Buster: You're cute Rio: 😒 yeah and as unsexy as a mum Buster: You couldn't be unsexy if you tried Rio: swear you got just enough issues? Buster: Talking about them would take all night Buster: But so would what I'd rather do Rio: Well Rio: think they'll clock before then but Rio: take whatever time we can get Buster: Well then I swear I'll make it worth it Buster: Even if we have to be quick Rio: Jesus Rio: I know it'll be worth it Rio: how could it not be Buster: Yeah, but you don't know how worth it yet Buster: You will Rio: You too Rio: I swear Buster: Tell me this is actually fucking happening this time Buster: I need you Rio: It has to Rio: 'cos all that's happening is I'm caring less and less about the risks and more and more about just making it happen Buster: I know I'm drunk but I never cared about anything but this Buster: I don't Rio: We're both drunk but it's still true Rio: I can't stop, Buster Rio: whatever the fuck this is Buster: You don't have to Buster: Be with me, that's all I want Rio: I'm coming Rio: I'm sorry but even if your family walks in at this point I ain't fucking stopping Rio: I'm so sick of not getting what I want Buster: I can't not give it to you Buster: Everything you want Rio: You Rio: that is all I want right now Buster: I'm not even offended that you don't reckon I'm everything Buster: Easily proved wrong Rio: Exactly Rio: show me Buster: Fuck Buster: Say that again Rio: Show me, baby Rio: I want you to be everything, 'cos you're all I can think about Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: Hurry up & be at my house for fuck's sake Rio: you know I live in the middle of nowhere Rio: [cos figure cali gaff has the most space so logic they'd have been there] Rio: it's the biggest cockblock, modern day princess in a tower basically Buster: 😂 Buster: I'm surrounded by princesses all day, you ain't Rio: Bit rude but I've been called worse Buster: It's the opposite of rude the way I mean it Rio: Let you off then Buster: Don't you know that you're on another level? Buster: Doesn't he tell you that in all those texts you get? Rio: He says a lot of things Rio: I'd be lying if I said I was always tuned in, like Buster: Of course not, like you said, I'm all you can think about Rio: Literally Rio: it's stupid Buster: Nah, 'cause if it was it'd be shared stupidity & I'm too smart for that Rio: 😂 Rio: very self-serving, but I'll take it Buster: Plus, I fucking hate sharing Rio: I know Rio: but you know you don't have to with me Rio: not really Buster: You're gonna dump him, yeah? Rio: I can Rio: we can talk about that later though Rio: what we wanna do for the rest of the time and all that Rio: don't think about it right now Buster: I can't think Buster: Not properly Rio: Then don't Rio: you know I want you more than anyone else right now Buster: Yeah Buster: More than anyone else ever Rio: Yeah Rio: Whatever it is Rio: I know I ain't felt it before Rio: wanting someone so hard all the time Buster: Me either Buster: Wanting someone this hard Buster: Never mind all the time Rio: I know it's crazy Rio: but I don't care Rio: can't Buster: Folie à deux, like Rio: You and your French obsession 😏 Buster: I had to learn to kiss somehow, you didn't teach me shit Rio: You wouldn't let me Rio: so NOT a pleasure to have in class Buster: You could've made you move any time Buster: Including before I was dared to make mine Rio: You take the piss enough that I was in love with you without that Rio: you'd have been even more unbearable if I had, like Buster: No Buster: I only was 'cause you made me do it & then it went like that Rio: I didn't dare you Buster: You didn't have to Buster: Don't act like there weren't loads of chances before that Buster: You could've took one Rio: Better late than never, ain't it Rio: be there in 5 Buster: Of course Buster: Be here now though Rio: Could hardly ask for a lift like hey, think he's here but give me like 15 alone, k dad Buster: Can't your boyfriend drive? Perfect way to dump him Rio: Yeah that'd go well Buster: You'd soon forget all about him Buster: We don't need 15 minutes for that Rio: Not gonna time you, like but Rio: hold you to it Buster: You don't need to, give me one second & you won't remember his name Rio: Fuck Rio: I'm so ready for this Rio: for you Buster: Show me Buster: I'm done waiting Rio: [when you show up and see 'em like hell no] Rio: This is beyond an actual joke Buster: [when you can't even answer cos you're beyond angry like if you thought he was mad before peeps] Rio: Fuck this Buster: [later cos you have to deal with them] Buster: Meet me tomorrow Rio: I can't Rio: we go to see my da's family Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know Rio: can't get out of it though we stay over Rio: there's no way they'd let me stay home Buster: When are you back? Rio: 30th Rio: you're staying for new year's eve, aren't you Buster: Barely but yeah Buster: My flight's next day Rio: We'll make it work Rio: they'll all be so gone Buster: We're gonna have to, it ain't no commuter flight this time Rio: Yeah Rio: you're so lucky Buster: Not how I feel right now Rio: No, me either Rio: really not in the mood, they're all in my face constantly Buster: My dad's lucky he ain't going to A&E Rio: Not condoning that but I could've easily jumped 'em myself so Rio: this is bullshit, swear they left us alone constantly as kids Buster: I'd lift you up, babe. Teamwork Buster: & Yeah, you can swear to that 'cause they did Rio: 😂😍 Rio: #goals Rio: getting my own place as soon as I can Buster: See, I do play well with others Buster: Come to London, I'm always on my own there Buster: Fucking typical Rio: I will Rio: and you can't be mad because that's an invite Rio: however casual Buster: Mad ain't the word Buster: You're always trying to put the wrong ones in my mouth Rio: Don't make my mind go there Buster: If your mind is anywhere else, tell me how you did it Rio: it ain't Rio: but your mouth specifically now Buster: Shame my mouth ain't specifically where it wants to be Rio: Shame ain't the word Rio: for a white boy you got really good lips, you know Buster: I know Rio: ugh Rio: be here Buster: I'm here, that's all I can do Rio: I'm glad we're talking Buster: You missed me, yeah? Rio: You know I did Buster: Tell me Rio: I missed you loads Rio: I thought about you all the time Buster: You're not gonna go see that lad now are you? Rio: No Rio: he wants me to but I don't have time anyway Buster: Don't. I didn't turn you on for his benefit Rio: I don't want him Rio: you don't either, okay Buster: Okay Rio: Not today Rio: you were mine Buster: I still am Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: it feels so good saying your name Rio: I wanna say it for you Buster: Call me Rio: [does, 'cos you gotta do something poor bastards] Buster: [you deserve this lads] Rio: [when even this is gonna be fire] Buster: [literally better than anything I could ever do] Rio: That was Rio: I feel a bit better now Buster: If you think you feel good now, wait until NYE Rio: I don't wanna wait Rio: but fine Rio: try my best Buster: I don't wanna either but I do wanna make up for lost time so behave & I'll make you cum for every day you've had to Buster: Hold me to it Rio: Damn Rio: you're really daddy, huh Rio: 😇 Buster: It's not that high of a number yet Buster: You can be impressed when I make the offer after being away for ages Rio: You better Rio: gotta have some incentive to come back, right Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm so jealous Buster: Put your teacher voice on & come with Rio: 😏 I'll get the 'fit Buster: I look forward to seeing it Rio: You're there to actually learn, babe Rio: maybe I'll tutor you, if I have time Buster: You're saying you don't have enough to teach me full time? Disappointing Rio: Plenty Rio: 'nuff to take it stateside Buster: Start packing then Rio: When we going Buster: Why not now Buster: Fuck it Rio: That's what I need Rio: you, distance from this fam and a place no one knows us Buster: Exactly Rio: One day Buster: Hold me to it too Rio: Can we stop doing the thing where you leave and we don't talk for months now Rio: like, it's exhausting pretending I hate you and don't wanna fuck you, you know Buster: I have to leave, but yeah, we also have to talk Rio: I know you're going Rio: I mean like I see you for a week or something and then that's that 'til the next family function Buster: I know what you mean Buster: It's not like that's how I want it Rio: Why'd it always end up happening, like Buster: What can I say? Buster: What do you want me to? Rio: I ain't blaming you Rio: it's both of us Rio: just, let's not let something happen between now and when you go so you won't talk to me alright Buster: Whatever happens, I still wanna Buster: It's not that black & white though, is it? Rio: nah Rio: I dunno Rio: we got separate lives to live Rio: obviously, and that's cool Rio: but idk why that means we have to end up hating each other Rio: like it is black and white, all or nothing Buster: I can't hate you Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: alright, pretend then Rio: you're quite convincing sometimes Buster: Well I need to be Buster: Sometimes Rio: Yeah Buster: Just don't break my fucking heart, yeah? Buster: Simple Rio: Why would I do that Buster: All or nothing Rio: that's not how I want it either, I'm telling you Rio: we can do better Buster: Obviously Buster: I can always do better & you always keep up Rio: 😏 Rio: thanks Rio: I think Buster: It's a compliment Buster: Nobody else can Buster: Not that I've found yet anyway Rio: Maybe you'll find yourself an American girl who can Buster: Maybe Rio: just don't get married Rio: can only deal with the accent for so long Buster: Before I've done uni & got a career? My mum would kill me Buster: She'd turn up with a shotgun to stop it, fuck encouraging it Rio: 😂 Rio: Nance is the hopeless romantic, I remember Buster: Good Buster: I don't do repeats never mind wedding vows Rio: Never? Buster: Like I said, they can't keep up Buster: I'm not running a charity Rio: You are funny Buster: I'm also too good at it to be having shit hook ups Buster: Tell your friends Rio: 🙄 Rio: No one's forcing you, to my knowledge Rio: so don't think you can complain Buster: I ain't Buster: You asked & I answered Rio: I did not ask you to specifically tell me how good anyone is Rio: let alone people I know Buster: I haven't Rio: Come on Rio: I know what that comment implies and about who Rio: not seen her for ages anyway so can't say I'm heartbroken over her, like Buster: I'm just saying for future reference, let you friends know that anyone can always do better Rio: It is truly amazing anyone wants to sleep with you Buster: They don't want to talk to me Buster: I told you it ain't easy Rio: It ain't hard Rio: stop flattering yourself for a sec, babe Buster: Start flattering me then, babe Rio: 😏 Buster: Can you really not meet me tomorrow? Rio: I really wanna Rio: but we leave so early Buster: You should go then Buster: Sleep Rio: but Buster: I know Buster: But I'll be there, won't I, you always dream about me Rio: Hmm so you reckon Buster: Come on Rio: You Rio: don't you wanna offer to make me sleepy? Rio: amateur Buster: Sleepy ain't the word Rio: I don't reckon you can get me to pass out from there but alright Buster: You don't? Rio: Nope Rio: don't feel bad, like 😉 Buster: Answer your phone & do exactly what I tell you, let's see how we both feel then Rio: [does, duh] Buster: [opened pandoras box here lads] Rio: [least you can do this to your hearts content no matter where y'all is, 'cept when Ryan is around, which is sadly too often] Buster: [god bless technology especially the waterproof phones of the future] Rio: [defs a thing] Buster: [they should fall asleep on the phone together though] Rio: [deffo]