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#barkilphedros-hat
sarnie-for-varney · 11 months
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@barkilphedros-hat You just keep making things better and better actually
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lapis-lazuliie · 5 months
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tagged by: @spotforme
alright, this was fun 🥰
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alignment test here
picrew here
i tag: @detestedmuppet, @sarnie-for-varney, @theleagueofgentlemen, @barkilphedros-hat, and anyone else who wants to do it lol
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theleagueofgentlemen · 4 months
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@barkilphedros-hat Chip please come collect your man, he’s haunting everyone again ‼️😔💚
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certusbiscuit · 3 years
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FMK: Prince Rico, David from Diddle Diddle Dumpling and Oggy from The Referee’s a W***er ??
OH GOD
F: Maybe David? Like I did feel sorry for him up until that end bit.
M: Probably Oggy. Like at least he hasn’t killed anyone or anything.
K: Prince Rico. Just no.
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alisoncooper · 3 years
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For your IN9 questions: Nana’s Party and Zanzibar ? 😂
nana's party // what's the worst party you've ever been to?
goddd i have truly been to some shockers...but i think it's got to be the 2019 work christmas party. like, i'd only been working there a few months and i hadn't made close friends with anyone and i knew very few people there, the music was super loud, and since i'm HoH it just made it impossible for me to hear anyone, so i couldn't really communicate with anyone, i had some people being really patronising and just shout at me and laugh, and i spent most of the evening chainsmoking on the balcony and crying until an acceptable hour for me to leave. it was honestly one of the most alienating experiences of my life
zanzibar // what's your favourite shakespeare play?
king lear!! honestly, it has EVERYTHING. people who say it's boring have clearly never watched a good production of it!!!
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thedollface221b · 3 years
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A Touch Of Magic
Pairing - Younger Neville Griffin (Misdirection - Inside No 9)/Original female character (can be read as reader insert)
Rating - Explicit - Over 18s ONLY
Warnings - soft BDSM
Summary - You get a job working as an assistant for a young Magician, but you find yourself fiercely attracted to him. Can you keep your mind on the job, or will lust win out?
Dedicated to the amazing @barkilphedros-hat for being wonderful. I ❤ you!
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I searched through all the available jobs pinned on the job centre noticeboard and sighed. Absolutely nothing, yet again. I was just about to give up when I noticed a small, type-written card in the far corner. It read:
“WANTED
Assistant to a young, up and coming Magician.
Must be flexible”
Beneath that, written in red pen as if an afterthought was, in brackets:
“(Both in hours AND body!!)”
Typewritten again for the following:
“Please call Neville Griffin for more details”
Below that were two numbers, which I presumed were his landline and his mobile phone.
Scribbling down the info in my notebook, I resolved to call this Neville Griffin later that day. I had absolutely no experience at being a magician’s assistant but I had always been fascinated by magic ever since I was a little girl, and I was always being teased by my lovers by how amazingly bendy I was in bed – so why not give it a go?
______
After a brief phone call where we spoke only to arrange a meeting place and a time - his warehouse at noon the next day - I was left to wonder what Neville might be like. I couldn’t help but pre-judge him, with a name like Neville he was bound to be a total nerd, or perhaps older than he was letting on. Still, he did have a nice voice...
Whatever, I needed the work and impressing him with my appearance could go a long way... even nerds liked pretty girls and you didn’t often see a plain magician’s assistant, so I needed to look my absolute best. I spent the rest of the evening exfoliating, shaving, deep conditioning my hair, and giving myself a mani-pedi and a facial in preparation for the following day.
Despite my best efforts I slept fitfully, nerves getting the better of me. Putting on a little extra concealer to hide any dark circles my sleepless night may have caused, I finished off my make-up with a pop of cherry-red lipstick. Something a little bit daring and sexy. It paired well with the knee length, floaty red summer dress I was wearing, its sweetheart neckline giving onlookers just a peek of my décolletage.
I arrived at the road the warehouse was situated on a few minutes early so I could scope the place out. ‘Number Nine', I read off the GPS directions on my phone. It was a fairly barren looking alley, the kind of place you’d see on police shows where murders or rapes had taken place. I double checked my bag for my pepper spray and my rape alarm. All set.
Taking a deep breath and fixing a smile in place, I knocked on the door. It took a minute before I heard the heavy, metallic clank of a lock sliding back and the creak of the door opening to finally reveal Neville Griffin.
Oh.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t a young, ridiculously good looking guy. His long, brown hair - just reaching his chin - framed a classically handsome face. Azure-blue eyes hid behind wire-rimmed glasses, resting on a strong nose, and his lips were a delicate pink and looked deliciously plump and kissable. He was dressed in a dark blue hoodie worn partially zipped over a red t-shirt, black jeans and a pair of black converse All Stars. All clothes of a typical guy in his late 20s.
“Oh, hello.” he said, his forehead wrinkling in confusion as if he hadn’t expected to be interrupted.
“Hi? I spoke to you on the phone last night, I’m here about the...”
“Oh, the assistant job, of course.” He wiped his hand on his jeans even though it didn’t look particularly dirty. “I’m sorry I was working and lost track of time.”
He held out the hand and I took it. It was warm and soft, with several calluses on his fingers, likely from day after day of practicing card tricks. For a guy of relatively small statue – around 5ft 7 I guessed – and lean build, he had large hands and long, thick fingers. My pussy gave a small, involuntary throb at the thought of what those fingers could do if given the opportunity. His grip was firm and I idly wondered if he was one of those guys who looked slight but was actually deceptively strong. Fuck, I had to stop thinking like that and concentrate on the interview. This guy could potentially be my Boss, not a one-night stand.
“Do come in,” he nodded, standing aside to let me enter the warehouse. It was dark, despite the overhead lighting, and the entire place was cluttered with debris of various magic tricks, boxes, notebooks and unquantifiable detritus. I noticed a zigzag lady in the corner, and a very cool looking guillotine towards the back.
Neville guided us towards two old, shoddy-looking stools placed right in the middle of the room and indicated that I take a seat. I sat up straight, my knees together and my hands placed in my lap. I had read somewhere that it was how Royalty was taught to sit, and that it was supposed to make you look more elegant and sophisticated.
Neville threw himself down on the stool in front of me, our knees almost touching. I could feel the heat emanating from his body, smell his aftershave, which was a musky, woody scent and very sexy. Jesus, I had to stop thinking like that!! Concentrate!!
“OK,” he started, “First off, are you a fan of magic?”
“Oh yes,” I said honestly, “I’ve loved it since I was a little girl.”
From his nod and smile, I figured we were off to a good start. The rest of his questions were pretty easy to answer and we fell into a casual conversation rather than a formal interview. It was looking good.
“And just one more question,” he said finally. “Do you think you can drop ten pounds?”
The flat of my palm made a satisfying crack as it made contact with his cheekbone.
“No!” he cried, clutching at his reddening face. “You misunderstood. It’s because the spaces you have to squeeze yourself into are so tiny. You need to be as small as you can possibly get yourself, that’s all.” He rubbed at his cheek. “I think you look perfect as you are. I mean fine. I mean you look...” He stopped. The other side where I hadn’t slapped was turning red now too.
“Oh.” I dropped my head, kicking myself for losing such a great job in the dying minutes. Talk about clutching defeat from the jaws of victory. “I’m sorry.”
“It's fine.” He stood and offered me his hand again. I stood too and took it.
“Thank you for seeing me.”
“It was no problem. Well, almost no problem. Can you start on Saturday?” he asked, looking almost scared in case I slapped him again.
“You mean you want me?” I asked, shocked. I couldn’t believe that I had still got the job despite screwing up so heinously at the end.
“Yes, I want you. For the job!” he clarified. Together we walked to the door of the warehouse and he showed me out into the filthy alleyway. “Saturday at 4pm. Don’t be late.”
As the door shut behind me I did a little happy dance before setting off to catch my tube. I was going to be a magician’s assistant. What the actual fuck.
_____
I wasn’t really sure what to wear to my first day as a Magician's Assistant, so I just threw on what I normally wore to yoga. Skin-tight lilac leggings with a matching sports bra and a sloppy, cropped vest in baby pink. I chose ballet style trainers as I thought they’d have the most flexibility if I had to do anything particularly bendy. I covered it all with an oversized hoody to keep me relatively decent on the tube. I didn’t fancy having my ass groped by some greasy stranger.
The door to the warehouse was slightly ajar so I just knocked on it, called out a hello and let myself in, unzipping my hoody as I walked through the cluttered space. I tossed it over some boxes out of the way. I didn’t see Neville at first, until I spotted him kneeling beside the guillotine, tightening some screws. He looked good in his dark blue jeans and navy and white striped top and I took a moment to appreciate the view. He didn’t seem to notice me at first so I cleared my throat. Still nothing. I called his name again, louder this time and he jumped, looking up at me with wide eyes, scrambling to get up while simultaneously pulling earbuds from his ears.
“Sorry I didn’t see you... hear you come in.” he said, winding the cord of the earbuds around his phone and setting it on his desk beside him.
“I'm a few minutes early,” I said apologetically.
“No, it’s... fine,” he nodded. I noticed that he was still looking down at the phone he had placed on his desk. I wondered what was so important about it. Especially as it was switched off.
“I didn’t really know what to wear so I hope this is appropriate.” I indicated to my outfit and he gave me a quick glance before looking down again.
“It's fine,” he repeated. OK, so it was going to be like that. Still, if Neville was going to be weird and anti-social it was going to make it a lot easier to not be attracted to him.
“So what are we doing first?” I asked with fake brightness, trying to lighten the mood.
“First things first,” he tapped the table three times with his fingers and then finally deigned to look at me, “Your name. We need to change it.”
“What’s wrong with my name?” I asked indignantly, crossing my arms beneath my breasts. I knew this action would push them up slightly and make them more apparent but to be honest I wasn’t really caring about that at that particular moment. Neville, however, definitely seemed to notice as his eyes widened slightly before he realised himself and forced eye contact again.
“It’s not exactly showbiz, is it? You need something with a bit of spark, a bit of pizazz. So from now on, your name is Miss Ruby Jewel.” He moved his hand through the air as if performing some mystical action.
“Ruby Jewel? It sounds like a fucking porn star, no way!” I shook my head.
“Well, I was thinking more Bond Girl,” Neville sniffed haughtily. “Anyway it's too late now, I’ve already started designing the promotional material. You'll get used to it. Besides, it goes with my ideas for your costume.”
“Oh yes, I meant to ask, where do I get my costume? Is there some sort of dress shop that caters exclusively for Magician’s Assistants?” I enquired, half joking.
“Of course not, you silly girl!” he snapped.
I jumped. While I was shocked at his outburst, I was ashamed to say that a part of me found the dominance in his voice... kind of arousing. A shiver travelled up my spine and I felt my nipples start to harden against the soft fabric of my sports bra.
Oh please God let the two layers of my bra and vest be thick enough so my erect nipples don’t show through.
No such luck. I could see them poking out through my top like two tiny pebbles.
Neville cleared his throat and continued, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been working so many long hours trying to come up with new tricks... I just need something...” He trailed off and turned away for a moment before shaking his head and turning back to me with a smile, as if the previous moment hadn’t just happened.
“There’s a local seamstress who will make your costumes couture. Although we can only afford one for now. I’ve already sent her my design ideas and so I just have to get your measurements and email them to her and she can begin.”
My heart leapt into my throat and my legs almost gave out at hearing him say that. Surely that couldn’t be right. “I’m not going to her to be measured? Isn’t that standard?”
“Doing it this way will save us time and money,” he confirmed, already picking up the tape measure from his desk. “I think you’ll love your costume. It’s going to be ruby red and adorned with lots of sequins and jewels. And you will wear red lipstick like the one you had on during your interview, as that was...” He paused and swallowed hard. “Sufficient.”
“Does it have to be so... gaudy?” I asked, my nose wrinkling in distaste as he measured my height and my body length.
“We need you to be as bright and flashy as possible.” I quivered slightly as he fastened the tape around my waist. We were practically nose to nose, except he was looking down to read the numbers on the tape. I could smell his aftershave again but this time I was close enough to also smell his shampoo and his soap. He smelled clean, with that same woody, musky scent from before, but with a hint of coconut from the shampoo. Heady, sexy and inherently male.
My pussy was throbbing again, despite me telling myself that this was my Boss and nothing could ever happen. Unfortunately my body didn’t want to listen to my brain and continued to send signals of arousal south. I could feel myself getting wet already. Fuck, this was bad.
He whipped the tape away and stood back, and already I missed the heat from his body.
“The reason Magicians use beautiful female assistants in bright outfits,” he began, rolling up the tape, “is because we want the audience to be watching them here...” he waved his empty hand around in the air in front of me, “while the magic is happening over here!” He clicked the fingers of his other hand, then opened it to reveal that the tape had disappeared. “Classic misdirection.”
“I’m impressed!” I laughed, applauding. “OK so where is it?��
He leaned in and for a split second I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he brought the tape out from behind my ear where it had supposedly been hiding. The disappointment of not being kissed must have shown on my face because he said “What, the old ‘behind the ear’ gag not good enough for you?”
“No, it’s great, really.” I faked a smile. “But we should get on, don’t you think?” I wanted this torture over with as soon as possible. Still, Neville had called me a ‘beautiful assistant’. That was something at least.
“Yes, quite right.” he agreed. “I just need to do your... ah... your top area.”
Wait, did he mean my bust? Was Neville really going to put that mother fucking tape around my breasts? Fuck!
Awkwardly he put his arms around me as I stood frozen to the spot like a statue, my arms stretched out wide either side of me like wings. I didn’t even dare breathe. After fumbling with and dropping the tape twice, he finally got it around the largest part of my breasts, touching the two parts of the tape together as quickly as he could. His knuckles brushed against my still painfully erect nipples so there was no possible way he couldn’t have noticed them. The movement was sending little zings of pleasure through me and I had to clamp my lips shut so as not to accidentally moan out loud.
I noticed that his hands were trembling and when his eyes met mine for a moment I could see how large and dilated his pupils were. Wait a minute... was it possible that he was finding this just as arousing as I was?
“OK, got that,” he mumbled, letting the tape drop to the floor and rushing over to his desk to jot down the details. “I’ll email those details to Sarah tonight and she can get started on your costume first thing tomorrow. I’ll give her your number and she can call you when she wants you to come in for a fitting.”
“Sounds good,” I said, eying up the bottle of whiskey sitting on Neville's desk. God I could really use a drink right now. But that wouldn’t be very professional and I was already walking a very thin tightrope there. Instead I went over to my bag, got my bottled water and took a long slug, hoping it would cool my ardour as well as my body.
The rest of the evening was spent explaining to me how most of his bigger tricks worked and what I would be expected to do as an assistant. I was actually quite excited to begin learning how to perform properly.
“We'll have our first proper rehearsal on Monday, but we’ll take it slow and I’ll just walk you through a few tricks to start with using the actual props,” Neville was saying as he walked me to the door. “Nothing too difficult at the beginning, maybe the zig zag lady, or I could saw you in half, show you the Rope escape...”
“That all sounds great. Well, bye then,” I waved, fighting the urge to grab him and kiss him goodbye.
“Bye, see you on Monday,” he smiled, and my stomach did a backflip.
______
I lay in bed that night thinking back to everything that had happened that evening. Remembering Neville’s touch, the way his knuckles brushed against my sensitive nipples, the intoxicating scent of him. Fucking hell, I was so aroused!! If I didn’t do something to take the edge off I would never sleep. Fumbling in my bedside cabinet I found a small bottle of lube and my trusty rampant rabbit vibrator.
I let my imagination run wild as I switched on the pink silicone device. I closed my eyes and pretended the long, thick dildo section was really Neville's cock as it stretched me open, and the tiny little ‘ears' buzzing rapidly against my clit and sending electric shocks of pleasure through me were really his fingers working me to orgasmic bliss. I recalled his domineering attitude from earlier and quickly made up a fantasy scenario in my head where I kept getting the trick wrong and he was shouting at me that he was going to have to punish me, that every time I made a mistake he was going to have to fuck me until I learned to get it right.
I came hard and fast, his name on my lips.
I felt dirty once the afterglow had worn off, and not the good kind. Neville was my employer and no matter how attracted to him I was, I shouldn’t be getting myself off thinking about him like that. Even if it was the best orgasm I’d had in a long time.
I turned over on my side and fell into a broken, troubled sleep, full of crazy dreams about being sawn in half, and Neville leaving me there, carrying the bottom half of the box away with my bottom half still inside it. OK, surely that had to be some sort of weird sex metaphor.
______
Monday came around quickly and I was back at the warehouse. Despite telling myself I wasn’t interested in impressing Neville, I had dressed in one of my cutest vest tops - a tight black ribbed number - and a short, ice-skater style skirt in a bright, ruby red fabric. It was probably totally impractical for what we would be doing but I figured I could always claim I was trying to match my new name if Neville made any comments about it.
As it turned out he simply gave me a quick glance up and down and then told me he was leaving to run a few errands but would be back soon, and that I should pick up a deck of cards and practice shuffling them while he was out.
After almost 45 minutes I got bored of shuffling and started to poke around the warehouse, snooping in drawers, looking through boxes, peeking in notebooks. Nothing was particularly interesting, until I opened the bottom drawer of his desk. There, hidden amongst papers and decks of cards, was a box of condoms, still unopened in its cellophane wrapper.
Why Neville, you sly dog.
Of course there was nothing to say the box was new. He could have bought them ages ago, stuffed them in there and forgotten about them. They could even be for some kind of trick. But maybe, just maybe, he had bought them since I arrived, and that could be confirmation that he liked me back.
I closed the drawer just in time as Neville came back into the warehouse. “What took you so long?” I pouted. “There’s only so much card shuffling a gal can do.”
“I do expect you to be fully proficient.” He grabbed the cards and shuffled them like I’d only ever seen Blackjack dealers in Casinos do, with lots of fancy cuts and flips. OK, so that was impressive.
“Can we start working on an actual magic trick now?” I wheedled, my hand in a light grip on his arm for that little extra peer pressure.
He was staring at where my fingers massaged the bare skin. It was unusual to see him without his hoody – I remembered he had left wearing it but now he was just in his black t-shirt and light blue Levis.
“Fine, let’s do the rope escape,” he said after a moment. I let go to allow him to cross the warehouse to get the correct prop he’d need. It was a large wooden X style cross about 6 foot in height and behind that was a slightly taller pole. At the top of that pole was another rectangular pole coming off it, rather like one that would hold a shower curtain. Only this pole held a thick, dark blue velvet curtain that could be raised and lowered at will.
“Let me explain how it works,” Neville began, wheeling the entire contraption into place. “You will stand in front of the cross and I will take the rope from where it is already tied off at the back here, loop it around one ankle, then the other, then up to your wrist, then the other, and then back down to tie it off tightly again. A member of the audience can come up to verify you’re securely fastened in.”
We moved around to the back. “But the secret is that this lever here can turn and give you just enough slack to get out. So the trick goes that I tie you up, I pull the curtain up, I twist this and free you and I climb in to take your place, you twist it back to tighten the ropes again and pull the curtain down to reveal that we’ve switched positions.”
He looked at me to make sure I was following. I nodded - it all seemed pretty simple.
“With practice we can get it down to a matter of seconds to make the switch.” He snapped his fingers on the word ‘seconds’ for extra emphasis.
“Can I try?” I asked.
“Of course,” he nodded, almost proudly, as if he was pleased to see that I was so keen. I lined myself up against the cross, both arms in the air and my legs open wide in an X shape. Neville expertly looped the rope around each limb, loosely to begin with. “Are you OK for me to tighten it?” he asked. I gave a quick nod of acquiescence and the rope immediately snapped tight against my wrists and ankles, causing me to let out an involuntary gasp. He tied it off at the back and came around to stand in front of me.
“How does it feel?” he enquired. I noticed his voice was gruffer than before. “Can you free yourself?”
I twisted against the nylon rope in vain. “No, I’m well and truly trapped.” I confirmed. There was nothing I could do to free myself. I was totally at Neville’s mercy. And oh fuck if the thought of that wasn’t a massive turn on. My clit throbbed, and I wondered if I dare push the envelope with Neville. If I was right about the condoms, he wanted something to happen between us and this might be the perfect opportunity to test the waters. But... if I was wrong, I could lose everything.
“I feel so vulnerable like this,” I said breathily, my voice dripping with submissiveness. “You could do absolutely anything to me and I couldn’t stop you.” I sucked in my bottom lip and looked up at him coyly through my lashes.
Neville let out a long, shaky breath and stepped towards me, placing his left hand on my hip.
“Anything?” he asked, his voice cracking a little. We both knew exactly what question was really being asked in that one little word.
“Anything... Sir.” I confirmed. And with that his entire demeanour shifted. Any trace of nerves were gone, and the dominant Neville I so fantasised about took over.
“Do you know the traffic light system?”
“I do,” I nodded. It was on.
His fingernails dug into the soft skin of my hip even through my skirt. I’d probably have bruises there later and I’d wear them like a badge of honour.
“I already had to take a very uncomfortable walk home this morning with my hoody tied around my waist to hide my hard-on, thanks to you coming into work dressed like a little whore,” he sneered at me. “I think we’re going to have to have a very serious talk about professionalism in the workplace.”
The hand that had been on my hip suddenly disappeared, only to reappear with a hard smack on the side of my buttock, the only part of my ass that was accessible. I gasped at the sharp sting and then moaned with arousal as the flesh burned. Another smack, only this time he slipped his hand under my skirt and groped at the still-smarting globe of muscle over the satin of my underwear.
“I’m sorry, Sir.” I moaned, wishing that I could cross my legs and put some pressure on my almost painfully throbbing clit. But I was still bound and completely at Neville’s mercy.
He stared at me, eyes fiery, licking his lips like a wolf licking its chops before devouring its kill. He obviously enjoyed me calling him Sir, the light blue of his tight jeans doing nothing to hide the thickening outline by the inseam of his right thigh.
He must have noticed me staring at his hardening cock, as he palmed at it with his right hand, admitting, “I already came once today thanks to you, you little slut.”
“Yes Sir,” I gasped, trying to push my pelvis forward to give him more access to my ass, his fingers kneading into the hot flesh. But I needed more!
He moved behind me and I could hear him searching through the drawers. “The good thing about being a magician,” he smirked, coming towards me with a small pair of scissors, “is that I can make anything disappear.” He reached up beneath my skirt and with two simple snips my underwear came away in his hand. He slipped the scraps of black satin and lace into his jeans pocket.
Because I still had my skirt on I wasn’t actually exposed, but because of my stance, my legs spread open so wide, I felt more naked than I ever had.
“This too.” He placed the scissors at the bottom of my vest and slowly began cutting. I protested at first but that earned me another spank.
“Sorry Sir,” I apologised. Just knowing that I was completely under his control was making me so aroused that I could actually feel my wetness begin to drip down my thighs. He cut the vest away completely, leaving me in just my sports bra and tiny skirt. At least the bra zipped at the front so he wouldn’t have to cut that.
He set the scissors and fabric scraps on the desk and came back to stand before me, eying me hungrily. “Please Sir,” I moaned. “Touch me.”
Agonisingly slowly he clicked the zip on my bra down, tooth by tooth as I writhed against the ropes. Finally my top was completely open, and he took one of my hardened nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hot, pebbled skin. His hand massaged the other breast, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I groaned at being touched at last, my hands clenching in empty fists as lightning bolts of pleasure ran through my body.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he mumbled against the skin of my chest as his free hand found its way to my upper thigh. He rested it there for a moment and I whimpered, desperate for him to touch me more intimately.
“When I’m ready,” he scolded, biting my nipple as punishment.
“Yes, Neville.” He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes with an angry look on his face, and I knew exactly what mistake I’d made. “I mean Yes Sir, I’m sorry Sir,” I gasped out, feeling my whole body flushing with arousal.
“Good girl,” he purred.
Torturously slowly, his fore and middle fingers traced a line across the smooth skin of my upper thigh, up under my skirt and then dipped down into the crease of my hip. He explored further still until he came to the delicate fold between my thigh and outer lip, where my juices had already dripped down.
“God, you’re soaked!” He sounded astonished that I could be so wet only from what we had done so far.
All I could do was moan in agreement, straining to try and force his fingers to slip closer to my clit. Thankfully he didn’t make me wait any longer and slid the two fingers either side of my dripping hole, collecting as much of my fluids on his thick digits as he could while still avoiding entering me, before at last rubbing his fingertips over that hot little bundle of nerves at my core.
I jerked and cried out at finally being touched.
“Easy, baby,” he cooed in a voice one might use to soothe a startled horse, all the while still rubbing circles on my clit. “I’ve got you.”
The ‘fuck’ that slipped out of my mouth was practically a sob. Neville really did have magic hands and I could already feel the beginnings of an orgasm building deep inside me.
It was killing me that I couldn’t reach out and run my fingers through his hair, but being tied up was turning me on more than I could have ever imagined it would.
“So fucking wet...” Neville moaned into my neck as he kissed down it, and I gasped as he suddenly pushed both fingers into my pussy without warning. The hot stretch of it felt so amazing and I just wished I could clamp my legs around him and grind into it. As it was I tried to tighten my muscles around him as much as I could. His thumb continued to work my clit and the tight ball of electricity started to grow deep in my stomach. Fuck, I was close.
“Gonna cum,” I gasped.
The thumb withdrew. I groaned in frustration and displeasure. I had been so close!
“You cum when I say so, babygirl.” he said assertively, biting and sucking at my collarbone as he slowly pumped his fingers in and out of me.
Finally the thumb returned and my pleasure built to a crescendo again. I couldn’t help myself, I moaned out, “Please Sir, let me cum!”
“As you asked so nicely,” he smirked. “Cum for me.”
I closed my eyes and allowed the white heat of my orgasm to overwhelm me, crying out as the waves of pleasure flooded through me, over and over and over.
Finally I blinked my eyes open, my body heavy and satiated. He was holding me up, as my legs could not do it for themselves and he didn’t want the rope to cut into my wrists. Reaching around behind me he pulled the lever to loosen the ropes and helped me to step out of the bindings, as I was wobbling like a new-born deer. Then he lifted me up and carried me to an old chaise lounge in the corner with half its stuffing missing.
“Are you OK?” he asked, checking my wrists and ankles for chafing. Thankfully there was none.
“I’m fine,” I answered honestly. “But what about you?” I nodded towards his crotch, where his very obvious erection was still waiting to be taken care of.
Once he knew I wasn’t hurt, dominant Neville came out to play again.
“Oh my sweet little babygirl, don’t worry,” he smiled, “I fully intend to take you.” He grabbed me by the neck to pull me into a deep kiss. I realised that despite him just giving me the most amazing orgasm, this was actually the first time we had kissed! His powerful tongue probed against mine, his hands roaming over my mostly naked body. Finally, with my own hands free I could touch everywhere I wanted to. They raked through his hair, across his back, cupping his tight buttocks. I was in heaven.
He stopped the kiss after a few minutes and stood up to pull off his T-shirt and jeans, while I slipped out of my last remaining pieces of clothing. I lay back and admired the view in front of me, this beautiful man all mine, his huge cock erect and already leaking pre-cum just for me.
He leaned down to kiss me again and then with one hand flat on my chest, forced me to lie back on to the chaise lounge. Both of us were now fully naked, our bodies shining in the dim light of the warehouse.
He reached down into the back pocket of his discarded jeans and pulled out a condom that he must have stashed there earlier when he was getting the scissors.
“Ready?” he asked, tearing open the foil and carefully rolling the prophylactic down his thick shaft.
“Yes Sir, please take me. I need you.”
His beautifully reddened, kiss-bitten lips twisted into a satisfied smile and he laid his full bodyweight on top of me, the blunt head of his cock resting against my dripping entrance. He teased me for a moment by circling the flushed cockhead around the hole before finally breaching my tightness, just with the tip at first. I let out a long, low moan at the delicious stretch and wrapped my legs around his back, trying to force him into me more quickly.
“Ah ah ah!” he scolded, his left hand flying to my neck. He squeezed lightly in punishment, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle so I didn’t need to use any of the safe words. “At my pace, little Princess.”
I kept my legs around his waist but I ceased any attempts to pull him closer. I threw my head back and mewled as he finally started to push himself in fully, enjoying that deep burning sensation of being completely filled. He bottomed out and began to thrust slowly inside me, drawing himself all the way out to the tip and then sliding back in again.
It was like sweet, divine torture. He obviously had no intention of rushing this, each stroke brushing against my G spot just enough to start building my orgasm but not enough to actually make me cum.
He kissed and nibbled at my throat, working his way up my neck to suckle on my earlobes which made me shiver with delight. I could feel my skin prickle with goosebumps as his tongue worked its way down again, finally ending up at my breasts. My nipples hardened in response and he sucked one into his mouth, his warm saliva leaving a trailed string from the pebbled skin to his bottom lip for a moment when he pulled away.
I grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled him down to kiss me again, and as we kissed his thrusts began to speed up. We moaned into each other’s mouths, the arousal building for both of us. He reached down between our writhing bodies and started to finger my clitoris again, and I groaned loudly as immense pleasure overtook me. Neville was grunting with the effort of fucking me now, his thrusts growing more frantic and erratic.
My second orgasm was building, the tight knot of pleasure in my core growing as Neville’s cock brushed my G spot with every stroke, and his fingers expertly worked my clit.
“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” I announced, my eyes fluttering closed, stars behind them in my vision.
“That’s it, cum for me my good girl,” he praised. “So fucking beautiful.”
I let the orgasm wash over me, pure pleasure spiking every nerve in my body until everything turned white and I shuddered in Neville’s arms.
“Jesus, uh, fuck,” Neville groaned, and I felt him stiffen, then he too shuddered as he came inside me, his cock twitching as he unloaded into the condom. After a moment he collapsed on top of me, completely spent.
We lay there for a few moments until the chill made me shiver. Neville stood up and turned away to dispose of the condom, seemingly embarrassed for me to see him do the ‘clean up’. Then he grabbed a bottle of water from the small fridge and a blanket that had been thrown over some boxes in the corner, and came back to the chaise lounge, throwing the blanket over the both of us.
“Are you OK?” he asked me, handing me the water. I took it gratefully and took a long drink. He did likewise and then set the bottle aside.
“I am,” I smiled, snuggling into his arms. Even though the dominant Neville was a huge turn-on, I was glad that he knew how to do the aftercare as well. “So what does this mean for us?” I asked, even though I was terrified of the answer. “Was this a one-off, or...”
“No!” he said, a little to quickly and loudly. “I mean, if you want us to... I’d like... do you want to go out? I’ve always thought you were attractive.”
“Same,” I smiled, relieved that he wasn’t just using me as a one night stand. I wanted to be with Neville. He seemed like a really nice guy, and they had been few and far between lately.
“So do you actually want to go out with me?” I asked, reaching a hand up to curl it affectionately through his hair.
“I do,” he confirmed.
“So... a proper date,” I mused. “How about tomorrow night?”
“That sounds great,” he smiled, taking the hand that had been in his hair and kissing it. “Oh, but I’ll have to take a rain check I’m afraid. I’ve got a magician coming round tomorrow night to show me a trick I’m interested in buying.”
“Oh right,” I replied, feeling a little bit annoyed, but understanding that work needed to come first. “Who’s the Magician?”
“Some old guy called Willy Wando,” he said. “But it probably won’t come to anything.”
Even if Neville didn’t hold out much hope, I had a funny feeling this trick was going to change his life.
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catnippackets · 4 years
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I ADORE THE GRINNING MAN ITS MY FAVOURITE MUSICAL!!! omg aaa what’s ur favourite song?! as someone who likes clowns how do u rate barkilphedro’s design??! and yes u do look like dea u could cosplay her so well!
my fave song is probably Beauty and the Beast since omg it gets stuck in my head so easily and it’s rly pretty. Barkilphedro’s design is immaculate also it took me way too long to realize that his hat was just a par of tights with tennis balls in the feet but it’s perfect and I love it. I was like SO SURPRISED WHEN I SAW DEA HJFDGH like her hair and outfit combined I was like...wait that’s just. me. so I knew I had to watch it bc of her hgdfjkgd
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zombiebrainsoup · 4 years
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@acapelladitty tagged me to share an image off my phone that sums me up
i tag @time-to-change-away @alexander-the-great-ass @barkilphedros-hat @feistycottoncandy @state-issued-boyfriend
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lordxgrinnyxboy · 4 years
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rewatching The Grinning Man once again,,2am edition,,just through Beauty and the Beast bc i had to give up and go to bed. @past me you really thought you were gonna. ha. haha. who ever said you’re not a funny clown.
‘ye gods’ is fully a tagphrase of barkilphedro’s. bc saying it at least twice makes it definitely a Thing.
josiana says Bark looks like a...~bug~...and ngl the cut of his coat + those limp antenna things on his hat do actually kinda create that effect. they really did make him look like a skittering creature
accidentally paused at such a moment where his head is angled just so and it’s so weird bc u can’t see the paint on his nose at this angle what
i could play barkilphedro. it would be a ghastly shame but i. no. i could though. no i couldn’t. but
everything bark says just sounds very...Like That.
gonna start doing eye makeup like bark’s
i have so many feelings about the fact that Mr. Maskell’s ensemble(?) character and Ms. Obianyo’s ensemble character stand beside each other for this scene
au where Gwyn’s mom lives and the two of them work as performers
no but fully that Green Cowl but also like. Ms. Obianyo’s entire outfit??? that is a Fantastic Look right There right There.
i like how Bark points at an audience member when he says “whose life is even worse than yours”
okay so the mist that comes up when Bark first says “laughter is the best medicine” plus the way Ms. Obianyo’s ensemble character Looks At Him plus the way Ms. Obianyo’s Ensemble Character and Mr. Maskell’s Ensemble Character stand next to each other plus the fact that this is all Barkilphedro telling the story of events he perpetrated and whatnot just generally the whole look of the bit gives me Feelings like these particular two ensemble characters are almost sort of the ghosts of Gwyn’s mom and kinda sorta who Gwyn could’ve been but also not but also Kinda
i’m just so very emotional and love seeing these two together they look amazing and i love them DX
Josiana’s Introduction/Portrait dress looks fantastic and im mad she doesn’t get to keep it
London!Jojo’s costume is better
genuinely still can’t believe Clarence is Ursus
but it’s kinda ironic tho since it’s by Clarence’s orders that Bark was ever in the situation where ‘hmm guess i havvvve to mutilate this kid’s face lol, that’s too bad” was a thought htat occurred to him so i mean both of Ursus’ characters had a hand in what happened
clarence is like “look at my unhappy children/what a tonic for my pain” ursus is like “...” and dea’s like “look at your unhappy children father i dare u”
the lords on palace hill are a gift
Ms. Brisson is just a truly adorable individual i love her ensemble character
also the material on the sort of dress/aprons the Lords wear? the print kind of looks like a map to me but idk if that’s what it is?
Osric’s “Welcome to the Stokes-Croft Faire” is like. one of the top 10 most iconic moments of the show for me negl. maybe even top 5. It’s got this particular energy i can’t describe but it’s So Good
i feel like in this scene like the top half of Mr. Maskell’s face is painted white(er) which looks fabulous once the bandages + cowl are added like heavens above but also with the whole “ooooh that’s the ghost of pre-barkilphedro!Gwynplaine” angle it’s interesting w/how Jojo’s got that bit of white paint/powder as well and it looks like Dirry-Moir’s whole face is painted at least for this number like Ooooh Is That A Lord Thing idk but it’s a Vibe
i once again think it’s interesting that it’s the actors for Angelica and Jojo who are in the picture frame for “Chained Beasts Fighting” considering how Jojo and Angelica seem to for real not get along so well during the play’s events
i’ve another theory abt mr. hubert
bark’s really like all up on Mr Maskensemblecharacter for the “stab an old man with a needle” bit.
i’ve tried so hard to figure out what the heck that could mean but all i can find is “they’re probably referring to murdering ppl with hat pins” u-u
yo the artwork on the walls behind them Wowie
gosh i love Osric
the little dance thing they do after “I’ve got the misery” is something i yearn for like. pls.
idk if anyone gets more into that last Laughter is the Best Medicine choreo than mr. Dirry-Moir like. he is positively Aggressive with it
the drum or whatever makes that little repeating like, three-point, one-two-three over and over toward the peak of this song is like. i don’t know what i was about to say but I Like This Part Of The Song Even Though It Is Very Stressful And Intense
idk man gwyn just looks Really Good when ursus pulls back that curtain like idk if it’s the way he’s standing or the way he’s moving however slightly or what he’s doing with his hands but like. A+ Gwynlit you look fantastic right here
i like how initially he looks just at Ursus but then kind of looks directly into the camera. sort of fancy the notion that in order to get through shows Gwyn’s kind of particular about where he looks and will try to focus on Ursus and Dea as much as possible but otherwise kind of just tries to not really See the audience maybe or something
oh hey that’s Born Broken that’s music boxing hangon lemme go back what plays for
i don’t reckona- give me a minute - i don’t. recognize. there we go. the music box sound that  plays for gwyn
dea is So Pretty
“I shall put my money where my mouth is” dirry-moir that is a most unfortunate turn of phrase
ngl gwyn always looks like he’s having a good time doing up the Drama for his act as Clarence
shadow!gwyn’s hair is next level kinds of floofy magnificence
even his bandages look amazing
“Sonny” :}
no but when Gwyn walks little puppet!Gwyn up the ramp to the ship but Dea’s helping and so they wind up standing Very Close and there’s Height Difference i’m sorry but they are Adorable
i reall like the ocean effect they do
Dea’s cowl look is Exquisite
can’t actually remember for real for real but i’m fairly confident that Mr. Maskell’s “MOTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER MOTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER” was at least 67% of what initially forced me to fall in love with this show so Thank You Mr. Maskell For That
the cowl + bandages just looks so good i don’t know what to say. that’s a Look right there. the eye makeup? the hair? The Bandages and Cowl? I’m sorry who says this is not a handsome boy?
he looks amzing
puppet!gwyn constantly looks like he’s got one eyebrow raised thanks to how the eye area is carved
i want to know how Ursus thought he wasn’t going to wind up with a couple of the most dramatic chidlren on the earth like when did he think there was a chance they wouldn’t both turn out Dramatic
high note hazlit has arrived
i wish that in the Osric Raises Gwyn au there was some way for Osric to meet like Ghost!Hazlit or i don’t even know but. they need. to meet each other.
Osric’s got vibes and i don’t know what they are but they’re so powerful and they move me to intense affection
it’s Ridiculously Tall-looking Gwyn time. he goes to stand up straight and keeps on Extending
he really just keeps his eyes on the puppet at all times tho
“your little hat can find out what it means” i know he said ‘heart’ but he said ‘hat’ gwyn needs a hat send tweet
book gwyn got to have a hat
don’t worry gwynlit osric’s gonna take care of that in the au
dea’s so cute
so when Ursus says “for certain, it would be no man” is that like a heads-up that they changed the wolf’s name bc now it isn’t Homo anymore or
it’s 3am now and im only 20 minutes in help me dea
forearms
the “No” “Yes, yes” when Ursus first gives him the Crimson Lethe kills me every single time bro.
how long is this post do i need to shut up yet
i’ve babbled for longer before i think we’re good
And Ursus Gave The Boy A Name. A Cruel Name. A Name That Means “Wow That Debilitating Wound Carved Into Your Actual Face Must Hurt Pretty Bad Huh Kidlet”
arms
still mad about the fact that Ursus mentions “Melt into mist/no longer exist” and Barkilphedro uses those Exact Words
i always assume they’re talkin about going to Murca but i mean technically anywhere could be the ‘new world’ huh
forearm
see the one thing i
when he says “we’ll come back to the place where once we were lost in the snow” now im thinking about adult!lord!Gwyn revisiting like. the actual place. where it all Happened like. imagine adult!Gwyn going back to the gallows-site and just.
under angelica’s reign it’s probably converted into a memorial instead ofc and is no longer a gallows-site but still
puppet!Dea doesn’t wear shoes
when puppet!Dea first goes “Mojo?” puppet!Gwyn kinda reaches toward her for a sec like he’s Concerned
Dirry-Moir waving at Dea like he’s trying to figure if she really is blind smh
cowl gwyn is such a phenomenal look
GWYN DOES THE FOOT WIGGLE DURING THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST SCENE I JUST NOW NOTICED
HIS FOOT IS ACTUALLY FLAT ON THE GROUND SO INSTEAD OF IT BEING A LITTLE HEEL SHAKE IT’S MORE LIKE A LIL ANKLE TWISTY BUT. !!
puppet!Gwyn fiddles with his shirt/vest a lot
forearm
the lil motion with his head after the Kiss tho rlly does look suspicious like the “twinge (of unspeakable agony)” motion tho
love how Osric just runs along to go with to see the rest of the show like. he’s into it.
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sarnie-for-varney · 11 months
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@barkilphedros-hat said that Alex Winter would've made a great Dorian Gray once...
...and I have not stopped thinking about it since.
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lapis-lazuliie · 5 months
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tagged by: @detestedmuppet ( thank you!! 🥰 )
post your favourite person/character anything that you're obsessed over right now and do this quiz
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are we surprised at the results here lmao
i tag: @theleagueofgentlemen, @sarnie-for-varney, @barkilphedros-hat, and anyone else who wants to do this ^ ^
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theleagueofgentlemen · 6 months
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Terms & Conditions: Chapter One 🌠
(Thank you so much @barkilphedros-hat for helping me with the name of the library 🥰💖 & to @lapis-lazuliie for encouraging me to write this aGjg 🥹💖)
He sighed again, a habit that had become unbearably all too familiar over the months. His father’s voice echoed through his skull, drawing a wince with every painful reminder.
“You must stop obsessing over this…fantasy of yours, Thomas. Life isn’t all fun and games. The sooner you realise life isn’t all laughs from strangers and silly props, the better.”
Tommy had long since given up his dream of becoming a comedian. As much as he hated to admit it…His father had been right. Although as his back groaned at the sight of another pile of books awaiting him; well he couldn’t help but feel the pangs of regret that accompanied his long forgotten ambitions. Almost a year he had been working in the convenient space that was ‘Charon.’ It was a cozy job, Tommy reasoned. As much tea as he could drink, all the books his heart desired…And yet he couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. An ache that slowly started in his chest, but had slowly started to spread throughout his whole body as the days dragged by. He had his sister Christine of course, but she lived so far away. He longed for adventure. For fun. Tommy shook his head, quickly pulling himself away from his fantasies. After all, that’s all it ever would be. A stupid, childish fantasy. He tilted his head at the sound of the star bell ringing, the sunlight reflecting each of the stars onto the ceiling. Tommy grinned, his eyes softening as he gazed amongst the ocean of stars. God, how he adored that bell. No, not the bell…The stars. Christ how he adored the stars.
“Excuse me, do you have-”
Tommy’s face fell for a moment, turning to face the voice that had rudely interrupted him. That is until he saw his face. The dark haired man gazed at him so gently, his eyes sparkling under the star ‘chandelier’ that adorned the centre of the room. His pale blue eyes were like the ocean, pulling him in with no hope of surfacing. Not that Tommy wanted to. The man grinned so gently, tommy feeling his cheeks reddened as he turned back to his pile of books.
“Can I-Um…How can I help you sir?”
The man looked towards the ground sheepishly, a blush creeping onto his own cheeks.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to stare, I just…I really love your jumper.”
Tommy looked down at his mix of brown, yellow, and a confusing green nature patterned jumper, a scoff accompanying the raising of his brows as he tucked a strand of golden blonde hair behind his glasses.
“Seriously? Wow. Um, thank you, I-”
“I’m Len.”
Tommy couldn’t help but grin, looking Len up and down, his own cerulean blue eyes shining under the stars.
“I-I’m sorry, I know I’m babbling. My name is Len.”
Tommy giggled softly, placing down the books to step towards Len, hands in his pockets to stop the temptation to reach out and shake the strangers. Which, he was reluctant to admit was stronger than most things he usually felt.
“No need to apologise. I’m Thomas.”
Len grinned again, tilting his head ever so slightly.
“Thomas sounds so…Formal. Mind if I call you Tommy?”
Tommy scoffed ever so softly, his mind racing with thoughts and oh so confusing feelings.
“I…Wow. Sorry, nobody’s ever asked me that before. I guess…Well I guess wouldn’t be opposed to it. As long as you call me it when nobody’s around.”
Tommy felt a pang of guilt, his cheeks reddening further as he turned away from Len. It wasn’t exactly a lie. All his life everyone had called him ‘Thomas’. His father was the worst for it, making him believe that it was more ‘proper’ and ‘formal’…
“As you wish.”
Tommy turned yet again to face him, sure that he had sprained something at the speed he had done it. Why couldn’t he stop staring at his eyes? He dared to take another step forward, allowing a small smile to curve at his lips.
“…Is there something I can get for you?”
“Oh! I’m so sorry, I got so caught up, I completely forgot what I came in for. I’m um. Looking for ‘The Princess Bride’..? It’s for my daughter.”
Tommy felt his heart sink ever so slightly, turning back towards his pile to hide the pain that was showing on his face.
“Um…It would probably be under T..? Sorry, I’m not…Familiar with that one I’m ashamed to admit.”
Len nodded, making his way over to the shelf marked ‘T’.
“My Leanne adores it. So do I actually.”
The way he chuckled made Tommy’s soul felt like it had lit up, his face redder than an apple at this point.
“What about your wife? Does she like it..?”
“She did, yeah. We’re uh…Divorced now actually. I have my girl at the weekends.”
Tommy hummed, a surprisingly happy grin crossing his lips. That is until he heard a series of small thuds, slowly peeking over from the shelves to see the books he had spent hours arranging and tidying lying on the floor like a forgotten pile of laundry.
“Oh…I-”
“Found it! It was hiding from me. I’m in a bit of a rush sorry, my Leanne’s waiting for me. How much to rent it?”
Tommy frowned at the books scattered around his floor, sighing as he stepped towards the counter.
“£2. I’ll need it back by next week, that’s when I do my stock take.”
Len grinned cheerfully, handing the two pound coins over without a second glance.
“Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver.”
He was practically out the door when Tommy piped up, his eyes shining in the sun’s light.
“I hope to see you next week then.”
Len stood for a beat before curtsying, a painfully gentle smile across his face.
“…As you wish.”
Tommy felt a flutter in his chest as the door closed, placing a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t explain why or how…But the ache had gone.
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certusbiscuit · 3 years
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2: Mickey, Ollie Plimsolls and Pantalone?
3: Val Denton, Spencer and Urban Bedford?
Ahh so sorry for the delay, I fell asleep!
2. Marry, Cuddle, Sleep with Marry: I hate this about myself but probably Ollie. Like I think if he had someone to keep him in check (and appreciate him and stuff), he wouldn't be so bad. Anyway pray for me. Cuddle: Mickey. He's such sweet boy, he deserves all the affection. Sleep with: Pantalone. (I am not sure if this just sleep next to or the other meaning but yes to both).
3. Fuck, Take a bullet for, Murder Fuck: Urban. Though it probably it would be more like sleeping in the same room but in separate beds lmao. Take a Bullet for: My girl Val. Like she is so lovely and wholesome how could you not. Murder: Soz Spencer.
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barkilphedros-hat · 4 years
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Thisnasalherald >>>>barkilphedros-hat
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southwarkfair · 3 years
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dear barkilphedro, i like your little dangly ear things on your hat. all the best.
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lapis-lazuliie · 3 months
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tagged by; @detestedmuppet ( thank you!! 💖 )
rules: make a poll with five of your all time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. see which character is everyone's favourite!
i tag: @theleagueofgentlemen, @sarnie-for-varney, @barkilphedros-hat, and anyone else who wants to do this ^ ^
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