#basically: their childhood is probably going to start to suck either way

[transingthoseformers]

Shockwave with anyone.

1.) had sparkling before empurata and shadowplay

2.) was with sparkling before and throughout. Results up to you on how that effects whatever relationship and the possibility of the sparkling growing up alone with only post-empurata&shadowplay Shockwave as creator and company.

That is of course, if shockwave bothers dumping the resources into care however he sees fit

I feel like both situations would have very different consequences, but I feel like the first one has some seriously horrible moments to it that would be so fucking fun for us to see especially if say the kid is/was old enough to remember what things were like when Shockwave first came home (if he did at all) because I feel like that's horror movie material, considering everything I know of IDW Shockwave

But the second idea makes me wonder how Shockwave would be different if he had a bitlet so soon after a pretty traumatic event, and how it would change his plans. Because I don't think he'd write off an entire new person as illogical to keep. Sure I don't think he'll remain the primary caregiver at that point as to him it would be "logical" to foist parental duties onto someone else, but his plans span for so fucking long and he'd factor offspring into that

(I really like the first option though as there's a very cool scene to be had there, and you can factor in his ex found family students into this I think)

[unmotivated-writer]

Platonic yandere Vile Faculty:

Countess Cleo:

For The Countess to take notice of you and to start to care for you, you would probably have to be a somewhat classy and reserved student. She likes the students who don’t interrupt or ask too many questions during her lectures, after all it is very rude to interrupt someone who’s talking. If you do that and try your best in her classes you will certainly gain her favor (and favoritism).

Her signs of affection may start of small, things like a small but genuine smile when you answer correctly, asking you to stay after class and to your surprise offering you some tea and biscuits while the two of you talk, helping you discreetly when you're having trouble figuring out the answer.

If someone were to call her out on this behavior she would scoff at them and deny it until the very end. ‘Me playing favorites? Oh don’t be ridiculous!’ She would say angrily as she storms off to have some tea/wine with you while she rants about the “foolish” claims that are being said about her.

As things go by you will start to receive hand sewn clothes of the most expensive material known to man sewn and put together by the countess herself as well as a bunch of stolen jewelry regardless of your gender.

She also invites you to all her expensive dinner parties with ‘the rich and famous’ where you’ll be seated right next to her. If you ever were to decline an invitation no matter how politely she would act like you’d just told her that you hate her and that she can fuck of and die.

Coach Brunt:

Good fucking luck with her no matter what she says anyone can see that she is definitely NOT over Black Sheep. She is so overprotective and paranoid that you might leave like Black Sheep did. Expect a lot of smothering and attention from her, she will helicopter parent you to death and infantilize you. Although not intentionally she fully believes that what she is doing is normal and necessary. Trying to protest or argue with her over this will be waived off as nothing but ‘a fuzzy child tantrum’. There’s no way to argue with this woman and most people don’t try for that long since her patience is far from long. Since she is basically a PE teacher she has a habit of keeping an eye on your diet and somehow always thinks that you’re eating too little or that you're malnourished, she will force feed you if she sees fit.

Unlike Countess Cleo she plays favorites a lot and doesn’t try to hide it at all. Why would she? After all you’re the perfect little child and student (doesn’t matter how old you are she still sees you as a kid). Just don’t try to leave Vile and go along with what she wants and you’ll be fine but if you don’t then well…Don’t act surprised when you wake up in a room with cameras all around and your ankle chained to a bed with Brunt crying next to you asking what she did that would make you want to leave. Well no matter cause you’ll never get that chance ever again. Sucks to be you I guess.

Professor Maelstrom:

Maelstrom would be a very tricky and difficult platonic yandere to have on your tail. Nobody, not even himself, could explain why he started taking an interest in you either way he is aware of his obsession and accepts it wholeheartedly. He is a very secretive and manipulative man who can and will twist and warp your perception of the world or yourself. He somehow seems to know all of your inner workings and feelings. You could tell him that you like apples and he would go into detail on how that is connected to your childhood trauma/other issues, and the worst part is that he gets almost if not everything right about you. That of course creeps you the fuck out, which he notices and becomes absolutely delighted by.

This man is the inventor of gaslighting and manipulation if you ever even think about wanting to leave Vile he will know and gaslight the fuck out of you, imagine Mother Gothel from tangled but ten times worse. My thoughts and prayers are with you, you're going to need them when dealing with him as a platonic yandere .

Dr Bellum:

Saira would love a chaotic but smart student, all it takes is a few conversations and she’s already decided ‘Yep this is now my child I will teach them all about explosives and biological war crimes’. You and her would be an absolute force to be reckoned with and when you're not planning the most diabolical evil shit ever she’s showing you a bunch of funny videos of cats. She’s like a mom coming up to you and showing you facebook memes of minions but it’s cats instead.

She isn’t too obvious in her favoritism but she doesn’t try to hide it at all. If someone were to ask her if she had any favorite students she would say yes and then tell them all about how brilliant you are without any shame or hesitation. In her eyes there’s nothing wrong with playing favorites.

She no doubt has at least one drone following you around at all times just to keep an eye on you or she’s watching you from the security cameras all over campus. If you were to ask her about it she would lie and say that she’s working on a behavioral study but would refuse to give you any more details.

Please comment if you would like for me to write about having them all as platonic yanderes at the same time or if you would like for me to write about some other characters!

[monkee-mobile]

Do you think Davybaby ever regressed before meeting/joining the Monkees? Either in England or after moving to America

And if so how do you think he dealt with it?

I feel like he did but to a different level. he probably never really OFFICIALLY regressed and was really of seen as a little one during it until he came to the states, but when he was particularly stressed out while still in england he’d often go into a kind of weak state if his defenses were really down, he just didn’t process it through really regressing like he would later on. in england, he’d try his absolute hardest not to have that happen. he’d just feel really small and vulnerable and had no one there to protect him or help him through it except his sisters, but they didn’t jump right to babying him, they’d more just help him through the panic attack part of it all. usually he’d just lock himself in his room if he couldn’t brave through it and curl in on himself and sob until he fell asleep (poor thing). he’d often start sucking his thumb, but he just took that as a “weak” behavior that was just coming back from his childhood. He’d also often go pretty nonverbal for a while afterwards but he’d push through it all and move on (which definitely wasn’t the best for him, but it got him through that time. poor little guy didn’t face his own emotions at all). this kind of shutdown didn’t happen all that often cause davy worked hard to build a tough shell and braved it through all the way to when he moved to america and got out of the pressures of his family.

the move really did break him down because suddenly he was alone in a strange country so when the boys first met him he was definitely flighty and not the suave kind of guy he got to be once he became more comfortable, but they were all new to each other so davy didn’t really have a chance to feel super safe to just let himself feel things so he kept up the hard exterior he had built at first. but of course the monkees became very comfortable with each other and basically climb all over each other at all moments so davy started going “feral toddler mode” a lot where he would just go all silly and giggly and playful, so his comfort came through in a relatively childlike way, but he didn’t panic regress until a while after the guys were a group.

but eventually it happens and davy breaks down really hard at some point. it’s the boys who really start babying him when it happens. in the past he didn’t have anyone to really take care of him but things kind of clicked when he was held and talked to softly and he just sunk into the love that was given to him and it helped him process everything anew.

[the-rarest-sexiest-coinkydink]

heyo, could i request a mikey x transmasc! reader (he/him) where reader is childhood friends with the ways but moved away when they were little. and then they move back to nj later mostly post-transition and mikey falls like,,, super hard?? sorry if it’s too detailed but i just really like the idea!! no pressure tho :))

New Jersey, Revisited (Mikey Way x transmasc!reader)

Summary: as above, basically :) 

Word count: 5133 (yes I really enjoyed this one how can you tell) 

Warnings: little bit of talk of dysphoria, one use of a deadname but not in a nasty way! It’s entirely accidental; discussion of surgery + recovery, but not in tons of graphic detail

AN: so I’ve kind of got it in my head that Mikey and (y/n) are about 25/26 (so we’re looking at the year of the ProRev tour era wise) but if you want to interpret this any other way then feel free!

(also why is naming fics so fucking hard) 

The idea of coming back to live in New Jersey again was always one that made (y/n)’s heart do a little dance in his chest. Sure, the area he’d grown up was a bit of a shithole - but it was his shithole. He’d always had fond memories of the house he’d grown up in, the school he’d gone to, the friends he’d made. His older cousins that had stayed in the area had been talking about a ten year high school reunion next year, and he quite liked the idea of that. He wasn’t ten years out of high school just yet, but it also wasn’t that far away either. Maybe he’d get away with tagging along with someone else and surprising all those people he hadn’t seen since he was a teenager. Not that they would have any memory of him. For one, he’d moved away when he was thirteen, so they’d probably have forgotten about him by now. And point number two - he wasn’t the same man he was all those years ago. 

Well, neither would his old classmates be. Puberty, and all that. But somehow he doubted that anyone else in his year group would have transformed in quite the same way he had. 

Sweating after the exertion of moving all his boxes of crap into the right rooms in his new flat, he dug through the nearest suitcase for a clean shirt (cursing his own terrible packing skills as he did so) and tugged the other one over his head, starting a little laundry pile in the corner of the bathroom and stopping for a second to admire himself in the mirror. He really did look good. The pinkish top surgery scars decorating his chest were just over eighteen months old, and those last eighteen months had been some of the best of his life so far. Of course there had been some rough patches; post-surgery recovery sucked ass, and life couldn’t be perfect all the time. But overall, he was so much happier now than he ever had been before. 

Life had just got exponentially better with every milestone in his transition, thinking about it. The first time his parents used the name he’d chosen, coming to accept him after initial confusion when he’d come out. His very first short haircut, which hadn’t exactly been stylish but he’d loved it nonetheless. His first binder, first testosterone shot, first straggly facial hair. And then top surgery had blown everything else out of the water. And he had a feeling that the next surgery on the list would have the same effect. 

Thinking back on his coming out experience as he reapplied his deodorant made him laugh. His parents hadn’t really understood what he was trying to tell them - they had been wonderfully supportive, just... a little bit unsure. Around nine months after they’d moved to Chicago, he’d written them a letter in the dead of night and left it on the table so they’d wake up to it and read it without him having to be there. Which wouldn’t have been a terrible idea if his parents hadn’t entirely misread the thing. So he’d woken up to his mom sat on the end of his bed, letter in hand, a sympathetic look on her face. 

“Honey, you must really miss Mikey and all your other friends back in New Jersey. I get that. But give it some time and you’ll make some nice new friends here, I promise. You’ve just got to get to know people.”

“I- huh?” 

She waved the letter slightly. “You said you feel like you get on better with the boys than girls. And that’s okay! Some girls are just more comfortable around boys for a little while. Girls can be pretty bitchy.”

“No, I - I said I wanted to be a boy. Like, I’m not a girl.” 

“Oh. I... Oh.” She looked back down at the paper, squinting to reread the words. “Honey your handwriting is terrible! I never would have worked that out from this.”

“Hey it’s not that bad! But... is it okay? You know, that I’m not...” 

She leant over and patted his knee. “Honey, you’re you. That’s more than enough for me and your dad. Whatever you need us to change, let us know. I can’t promise we’ll remember all the time, but we’ll try our very best.” 

It certainly made for a funny story to tell, anyway. And his parents had always been phenomenally supportive of him - even when he said he was moving back to New Jersey. They’d originally thought that he meant just for the duration of the recovery period after his upcoming surgery, but when they realised that he meant to move back for good they only had one thing to say: it makes sense. Over time he’d fallen in love with Chicago, but New Jersey was still home and it had always been obvious that he felt that way. And when he’d found a surgeon based out of a hospital twenty minutes away from where he’d grown up? Well, it was like fate. Clearly, the universe wanted him back in New Jersey. 

As it often did when he was reminiscing about his journey, (y/n)’s mind wandered to Mikey. They’d been best friends since the day they started school, bonding over the fact that their birthdays were only a few weeks apart, and had been inseparable until the day his family moved away. Mikey had actually cried when the car pulled away, clutching the piece of paper with his closest friend’s new address on it almost as tightly as he’d hugged him. They’d been each other’s first ever sleepovers, spent years trailing around after Gerard and getting on his nerves - and once, memorably, each received a tremendous bollocking from both sets of parents after (y/n) had hidden in Mikey’s wardrobe so he didn’t have to go home when his parents came by to collect him and made everyone panic that he’d gone missing on the way back from school. No two kids could possibly have been closer. 

The two of them had stayed in contact for almost a year, but as life had got in the way (and he hadn’t quite found the courage to come out, scared of how his best friend might react) the letters had slowly grown further and further apart before stopping altogether. Somewhere within his luggage, there was a shoebox full of those letters. He’d kept every single one. Every little update about what their favourite teachers were up to, every fuzzy polaroid of the rest of the gang doing whatever stupid shit they’d decided to do that day, every drawing and friendship bracelet and bad joke from a chocolate bar wrapper. He’d clung onto those little fragments of his childhood best friend like a lifeline. Part of him imagined that Mikey had done the same, thinking about him from time to time, wondering what he was up to now. 

Of course, he knew exactly what Mikey was up to these days. His small town best friend in the whole wide world had gone on to become a big time rock star. How cool was that? They had always had a very similar taste in music, and so a lot of the inspirations behind My Chemical Romance were instantly obvious to him the second he put his headphones in. It felt a bit strange, calling himself a fan of the band when he’d grown up with half of the members, but he supposed that was good enough for now. The chances of the two of them ever meeting up again were incredibly low. He didn’t know if Mikey still lived in the same place, if he even still lived in New Jersey! And it wasn’t like he was going to just bump into him on the street. Coincidences like that belonged in rom-coms. 

Looking around at the haphazard stack of cardboard boxes that contained his entire life, (y/n) decided that there was no way in hell he could be bothered to sort them out now. That was just far too much effort after lugging them all up the stairs. He had plenty of time to get it all sorted at a nice slow pace, so there was really no point starting right this minute. He needed a coffee. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

It really was nice to be home, Mikey thought as he walked through the door of his favourite coffee shop and got in the queue. Even if home meant being sworn at by people if he walked a bit too close and fearing for his life every time he crossed the road. There was a sweet familiarity that came with the grimy streets, and he honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world. It did feel strange being back, finally standing still after what had felt like two months of constant moving. He loved touring, but it really did suck the life out of him sometimes. Two months of crap motels, raging hangovers and constant performance was the perfect combination for exhaustion, and he was really looking forward to the time off. It was the little things that made him smile, too. Like being back in his favourite place, that tiny cafe that in his opinion did the best coffee in the world. He’d spent countless hours in there, listening to the rain against the windows while he read a book or watched Gerard sketch. It was it’s own peaceful little bubble. 

He ordered his usual when he got to the counter, fighting back the blush that threatened to paint his cheeks as the cute barista smiled up at him. Thankfully his favourite table was clear, and he kept an eye on it while he was waiting. The little table in the corner with the slightly wonky leg was where Gerard had taken him and his best friend for their first ever coffee when they were ten. They’d both sworn not to tell their parents, but that had gone straight out of the window when they’d taken her home - she’d practically been buzzing. That memory always made him smile, the way she’d bounced on her toes and the look on his big brother’s face that very clearly said, ‘I’m so fucked’. 

He thought about his childhood best friend a lot, these days. So much had happened in his life since she’d moved away, stuff that the two of them had daydreamed about as kids, staring up at shapes in the clouds and wondering what they’d be when they grew up. He wondered if she even remembered him. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget her. 

Lost a little in thought as he took his drink and started forwards to go to his table, he bumped into someone. It wasn’t exactly a high impact collision - the coffee in his mug barely rippled - but the effect it had on his heart was seismic. Standing at his shoulder, a mixture of pure shock and embarrassment on his face, was the prettiest man Mikey had ever seen. If you had asked a younger, much more Catholic Mikey, what he thought angels looked like, he probably would have described the exact face that was now staring up at him. His tongue tripped over the words as he tried to apologise, barely aware that the man next to him was examining every detail of his face in sheer wonder. 

“God, I am so sorry! Are you okay? I- I didn’t see you, I was- I... thinking a little too hard, sorry. I should’ve looked where I was going.” 

Feeling like all the air had left his lungs, (y/n) managed a nod. “Yeah, I- I’m fine. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. Didn’t even spill my drink, so...” He trailed off, something nagging at the back of his mind. As he tried to put his finger on what was catching his attention it darted away, like a fish clever enough to avoid a lured hook. He just couldn’t work out what it was; he wanted to put it down to the sheer beauty of the man before him, but a part of his brain was screaming that there was something more than that. “I... I’m sorry, do I know you? You look kinda familiar, but... I’m not great with faces.” 

A smile caught at the edges of his mouth; he was going to have a little fun with this. Why wouldn’t he? Hundreds of times over the years he’d dreamt about what it would be like to swan into a room of his old classmates, watching them fawn over the teen heartthrob he’d become without realising who he’d been before, then basking in their reactions when he told them. Now, he was getting to play that out in real life for the very first time. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure we have met. I’m not great with names though, so... sorry.” 

“Oh it’s okay. I’m Mikey.” He didn’t notice the little glimmer of emotion in the shorter man’s eyes. “I... wait. Hold up just a second, I do know you! You, uh, you’re one of (deadname)’s cousins, right? I think we met at someone’s birthday party.” 

Somehow, his old name coming out of Mikey’s mouth didn’t make him as uncomfortable as he thought it might. He didn’t hate his dead name, not really; while some of the kids at school had been assholes about it for a while before getting bored with harassing him and moving on to some other poor sucker, his parents had never once used it against him maliciously. So while there was some discomfort there, it wasn’t as bad as the feelings that some of his trans friends had surrounding their deadnames. Perhaps it was the context, though: the fact he’d assumed that he was one of his own cousins was a shot of gender euphoria stronger than any liquor. 

“Well, you’re almost there, so, uh, you get points for trying. But... I haven’t used that name in a good few years. I’ve been (y/n) since I was 14.” 

Mikey’s jaw dropped, and he put his coffee down with enough force that it slopped a little over the side. His hands moved to (y/n)’s cheeks, squishing them gently the way he’d always done when they’d made fun of each other as kids. He moved to do the same back, the tears finally spilling over. “Hiya Mikes.” 

In the space of a second, Mikey was hugging him tightly enough to crush some ribs, sniffling into his shoulder just as he had done on that day so many years ago. He smelled almost exactly the same, that soft note of cotton scented deodorant mixed with laundry powder and minty shower gel, dashed with something that was so unique to his best friend that he’d know it a hundred miles away. (y/n)’s hands splayed across his back in the same way they always had, his forehead pressed against Mikey’s neck. He’d always felt safe like that, listening to the thrum of his heart beneath his skin, feeling his breath on the top of his head. When he was with Mikey, the rest of the world just slid away. He was glad that that had stayed the same after so long, too. 

The barista set (y/n)’s coffee down at the end of the counter, smiling softly at the obvious emotional moment going on before shifting the rest of the queue ever so slightly so that they wouldn’t block people’s way. 

He pulled back, eyes glittering with disbelief as he tested the new name on his tongue. “(y/n)... (y/n). God, that suits you so well. You... you look amazing.” 

“Yeah? You’ve grown up pretty well yourself.” Blushing deeply at his compliment, he allowed himself to stare at Mikey properly. He really had matured, growing into those pretty cheekbones magnificently. All those times he’d imagined what his best friend might look like now, and he’d never quite pictured him like this. But looking at him now, it all made sense. And the raging crush that he’d had when he was twelve years old came back, crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. 

Little did he know, the exact same thoughts were going through Mikey’s head. He was astounded by how much he’d changed - and yet, how much he’d stayed the same. The shorter haircut fit his facial features so well, and his style was pretty much the same as it had always been; it just framed him so much better now. He was head over heels, and there was no hope of denying it. If Gerard walked in right now, he’d instantly jump to making the exact same jokes he always made about Mikey having a crush - without even realising that he was joking about the exact same person, over a decade later. 

“Dude, please tell me you’ve got time to sit down.” 

“For you? Always.” 

Finally picking up their coffees the two of them headed over to the corner table, settling opposite each other and grinning wide enough to split their faces in two. They were both taller than they had been the last time they’d sat here; their knees were squished together under the table. The two of them started talking at the same time, giggling as their words overlapped before stopping for a second. 

“You go.” 

“No, you can start.” 

“No, you go first.” 

The bickering took them straight back to old times, and soon the conversation was flowing like water. It didn’t seem possible to cover over a decade of separation in as much detail as they both needed, but they certainly tried their best. 

“So, yeah. The FBI came round.” 

“You were fifteen?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Your mom must have wanted to kill you!” 

“Oh she did... I still got to go the gigs though. That Pumpkins tour was insane.” 

When they got round to the story of (y/n)’s transition, Mikey had tons of questions to ask. Like everyone else, he found his coming out story hilarious - and knowing his mom personally made it even funnier. When he talked about his voice cracking after getting on testosterone, the only thing Mikey could say was, “Now you know how I felt! I wish I’d been there to give you the same shit you gave me.” 

He smiled softly, hands wrapped around his mug. “Yeah, I wish you’d been there too. I’ve missed you a lot, you know.” 

“I’ve missed you too. I don’t know if I can describe just how much, but...” Trailing off, Mikey pushed back the sleeve of his hoodie, revealing the tatty band of coloured string around his left wrist. “I’ve worn this since you sent it to me. It hasn’t come off once.” 

Mouth hanging open, (y/n) pulled his hand closer to take a better look. Both men tried their hardest not to show just how wonderful it felt to hold the other’s hand, but when (y/n) pushed his own sleeve back to show the matching friendship bracelet, just as ragged and grubby as Mikey’s, the two of them cried almost enough to refill their empty coffee cups. 

It took (y/n) a few tries to choke the words out through the tears. “I thought... I thought maybe you would’ve forgotten about me.” 

“Never. No way.” Mikey squeezed his hand, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “You’re the one person I could never forget. Not in a million years.” 

“I only ever took this off once, you know.” 

“A whole once?” He managed a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Wow, I see how it is.” 

“Hey, it wasn’t exactly my idea!” (y/n) scoffed, whacking him softly. “I wasn’t allowed to have it on when I went in for top surgery, something about an infection risk. My mom was there when I woke up after, and apparently the first thing I said was, and I quote-” He paused, taking a deep breath for effect. “If anyone touches my damn bracelet, I’ll eat their balls.” 

Mikey cackled so hard he almost fell out of his chair, clutching at his ribs as he wheezed. “You’d eat their balls?” 

“Shut up, I was doped up on painkillers! I don’t even remember it happening.” When Mikey continued laughing, he grabbed a packet of sugar from the little tub on the table and tossed it at his face. “I bet you say stupid things when you’re drunk too.” 

“Well...” 

The two of them sat there trading stories about being in My Chemical Romance and working as a photographer at concerts until the cafe closed, apologising profusely to the very amused barista as they watched her switch all the machines off, then the lights. 

Mikey offered to walk (y/n) home, both of them delighted to find out that they only lived a five minute walk away from each other. They traded phone numbers at the door to (y/n)’s apartment building and were texting before he’d even got in the elevator, elated to finally be back in each others lives. Neither man had wanted to say goodbye, but the promise of seeing each other again tomorrow kept them going. After so long, the thought of missing out on anything else was too much to bear. 

~~~~~~~~~~

And so three weeks later, as he set his bag down in the little stand next to the hospital bed, (y/n) shot a quick text to Mikey. 

Hey! Won’t be around today - I’m having the ol’ baby-making kit removed up at the hospital this morning. I’m pretty sure I told you about that but if I didn’t... well, I just did! Anyway, I’ll be pretty sleepy post-op, and the doctors have told me I’ll have to take it easy for a while, so I’ll catch up with you in a few days, yeah? Say hi to your mom for me! 

The two of them had spent at least fifteen of the last twenty-one days in each other’s company in one way or another, whether it was at someone’s flat or out for coffee or wandering around the comic book store for hours on end. It was a shame that he probably wouldn’t see him for another week or so, given that he had mentioned a couple of interviews that had been scheduled for the band. But the doctors had told him in no uncertain terms that he’d have to take it easy for at least four or five days, to give the incision a chance to start healing before putting it through too much stress. So he’d have to settle for texting, just for a little while. 

Careful to put his bracelet in the safest place possible, (y/n) slipped quickly into the hospital gown and stuck his head out from around the curtain. 

“Okay! I’m good to go.” 

When he woke three hours later, groggy and aware of a slight pulling sensation across his stomach, he certainly hadn’t expected to also feel a hand tucked into one of his. Careful not to sit up just yet, he glanced down - smiling at the sight of his bracelet, back where it belonged. And a very familiar person sitting in the chair next to his bed. 

Spotting the little movement, Mikey squeezed his hand, grinning. “Couldn’t have you threatening to eat anyone’s balls this time.” 

“Much appreciated.” 

“How are you feeling? And you didn’t tell me before, by the way, so I freaked the fuck out reading that earlier.” 

He laughed slightly, wincing a little as the pulling sensation got stronger. “Sorry. But hey, no more uterus. That’s pretty fucking cool.” 

“Yeah, it sure is.” He stroked across the back of his hand, careful not to knock the cannula where it was taped in place. “Do you want me to get a nurse? Tell someone you’re awake?” 

“Nah, they’ll find out eventually.” His eyes slid closed again, heavy with the weight of anaesthesia. “You being here is enough right now.” 

Mikey tried to tell himself that it was just the meds talking, but he couldn’t help but feel a little giddy at those words. He was ridiculously, stupendously, immeasurably in love with his best friend, and right now he wanted the whole world to know it. Ideally he’d tell him first, of course, but that required being brave. And he really didn’t know if now was the right time. 

Inhibitions steamrollered by the remaining drugs in his system, (y/n) had no such problem, and just kept rambling on. “Y’know, I’m so glad I found you again.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Thought I was gonna have to make do with committing all your bass lines to memory. This is so much better.” 

“You know, I’d always wondered whether you’d find out about the band or not. Every time I get on stage, I imagine you being in the crowd, having the best time. Maybe I can bring you to a show someday.” 

“Oh, I’d love that.” He nodded thoughtfully, still holding Mikey’s hand. “But I would be happy anywhere as long as I was with you.” 

“You would?” 

“Mhm.” He yawned, stretching his neck gently. “Don’t you ever go anywhere without me ever again, Mikey Way. You’re my everything.” 

“I... I am?” That pretty much sounded like a confession to him, and his heart ached against his ribs as he tried to scrape together the courage to say something back. 

But as he took his first deep breath, (y/n) had already drifted back to sleep. 

When he woke again an hour and a half later, he had zero recollection of the conversation they’d had. Mikey was very quick to realise this, given the way his face lit up at the sight of the little friendship bracelet. 

“Aww, did you put that back? Thank you. And thank you for being here.” 

“Hey, I’d do anything for you.” Knowing that really, it was now or never, he decided to take the plunge. “So, you were awake earlier. Do you remember anything from that?” 

“I was awake?” (y/n) frowned, thinking for a second before shaking his head. “I don’t remember being awake.” 

“I didn’t think you would. You, uh... you weren’t making much sense, but there was one thing I did pick out.” 

“Mhm?” All of a sudden, anxiety clawed at his veins. What had he said? Had he confessed the way he felt? Was this Mikey’s way of telling him that he wasn’t comfortable being friends any more because of it? 

“So I needed to tell you...” He paused for a second, taking (y/n)’s other hand in his free one and bringing it to his lips. “You’re my everything too. I... God, I am so in love with you it doesn’t even feel real. I’ve been in love with you since I was eleven years old, and you going away tore me apart. And now you’re home again, and you’re you, and it’s the most incredible thing. I thought those feelings had gone away, but... they’re so strong. You’ve still got that stupid sense of humour, and amazing taste in music, and you’ve gone from being that crazy tiny kid to the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I love you so much.” 

(y/n) was entirely speechless for a few moments, struggling to comprehend exactly what was going on. Was he dreaming this? Was this the anaesthesia playing tricks, lighting up the sleeping parts of his brain and sending his mind on a wild goose chase? But no. The feeling of Mikey’s breath, warm against his cold knuckles, was enough to prove that this had to be real. And he damn well knew what he was going to do about it. 

He started to sit up very slowly, not wanting burst stitches to ruin the moment. Mikey tried to stop him, eyes watery as he waited anxiously for a response but still more concerned with his safety. “What- what are you doing?” 

“Something I should’ve done a very long time ago.” 

And, as gently as he could, (y/n) kissed him. 

The sensation made the emotions they both felt upon coming back to New Jersey seem miniscule, insignificant. It couldn’t possibly matter where in the world they were, as long as they had each other. Careful to avoid the new wounds, Mikey settled one hand on (y/n)’s thigh and the other on the back of his neck, keeping him as close as he dared as they drank each other in. This was everything he’d dreamed of. For now, he had no intentions of telling the other man that he’d been the subject of every wet dream, the thought fuelling every hasty wank. No intentions of telling him that he’d pictured them meeting again, falling in love, spending the rest of their lives together. No intentions of telling him that instead of a prom date, he’d taken a Polaroid of the two of them and kept it in his pocket the whole night, never dancing with anybody else. 

And of course, (y/n) definitely wasn’t going to tell him that his was the name he whispered in the dead of night, fingers finding all the right places and wondering what it would feel like if they belonged to him. Definitely wouldn’t reveal that he’d slept with the shirt that he’d given him as a goodbye present every day for three whole years after moving away, desperately needing him to be back by his side. Definitely wasn’t going to share that every time he’d seen a couple walking down the street, he’d pictured it as if it was the two of them instead. 

Not yet, anyway. All those stories could wait for later - they had forever to spare. For now, the only thing that mattered was the way their lips felt against each other, like they’d been designed solely for the other to appreciate. Like they’d been made for each other right from the very start. 

Well, (y/n) thought as they broke apart for air, foreheads pressed together and hands stroking sides. Eleven year old me is definitely punching the air right now. 

“I love you too, idiot.” 

“R-really?” The hope in Mikey’s eyes was brighter than the stage lights he was still so uneasy performing under, shining as (y/n) cupped his face. He moved to do the same, smiling as he rolled his eyes. 

“The kiss wasn’t enough to prove it, huh?” 

“I don’t know man. Maybe it’s best that you do it again.” 

(y/n) grinned as he leant back in. “Well I guess I’ll have to, won’t I? Because I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight any time soon.” 

“Oh, what a shame.” 

[yume-fanfare]

Don't ask what brough this on this is very silly but Torikasa knight/princess fairytale au where Tsukasa is a knight of noble origin and there's these rumours about how "the princess of the neighbouring country has been kidnapped by a vicious dragon and is held captive in his tower" so he sets out to save him (I haven't worked that part out yet it really is mostly just pulled out of a basic fairytale plot idk) only to find out that the "damsel in distress" is actually doing just fine and he's not in fact held captive and the dragon is his butler and the rumours are a complete exaggeration

!!!!! YES

i'd love keeping their childhood friendship so when tsukasa breaks through the window it's "TSUKASA???" "TORI-KUN??????" and for yuzuru to be in his human form so it's not immediately obvious what's going on and tsukasa is Confused. but well he's already come all the way there so tori lets him stay over for a while and makes him fix the window himself "no! you Cannot hire a carpenter i do not want any strangers at my house!" and tsukasa sucks at fixing windows sooo bad so it takes a while and at one point tori begins to give him more meaningless tasks to keep him around for a little longer, and tsukasa also starts making up things to do. to serve as compensation of course it's not like either of them want to be together for longer than strictly necessary it's just that tsukasa's knightly honor wouldn't allow him to have an unpaid debt

but tsukasa does think it is a little weird you know. tori-kun the brat living alone with his butler in a manor in the middle of nowhere in the forest something Must be going on. when had tori rejected the liveliness of the capital for this? it had been a while since tsukasa had heard about him from other nobles but since he'd been away traveling he hadn't thought too much of it. and then one night he hears a way too loud noise and finds tori kneeling beside The Dragon. who is wounded and tori is crying and asking tsukasa not to come any closer.

and also at some point knights should come over all "ok we let our dearest baby go on a quest on his own but he is taking forever and omg i can't believe he's been living in a fancy house with a CUTE BOY and he didnt tell us" and then it's all loud and fun as it always is when knights are together

and i think they're probably at the forest to be near the witch's house (natsume) who has been helping yuzuru with the dragon thing but at some point it gets harder to control and so they need to call natsume's master for help and yay! wataru time! i love adding as many people as possible to fantasy aus

[quill-is-brainstorming]

So today I have unlocked what is basically a core childhood memory from my epics class (not even literature class, we Italians just straight up have epics class and it's awesome) in middle school and I think it's very worth sharing.

Basically the way said class worked is that we would do something different each year. On the last and third year we did the Odyssey, on the year before that we did the Iliad, but I realised I didn't quite remember what epic we did during the first year.

So yeah I thought about it a little harder and then I immediately remembered: it was The Boy and the Lyre!

Now, you're probably scratching your head in confusion at that, and I don't blame you because for whatever reason it has never been translated to English. Which frankly sucks.

But what's the book about?

Well, it's basically a mashup of lesser known Greek myths intertwined with the story of a young Homer travelling to Mount Olympus with his cantor mentor.

The reason I remember this book so fondly though is because I remember it going pretty in-depth in explaining cantor culture in ancient Greece (and just ancient greek culture as a whole): what they did, what their role in society was, how they worshipped Apollo and the Muses and all that jazz and it was super interesting and awesome.

And yeah, I started searching mine and my brother's room looking for it and unfortunately my search proved to be fruitless...

Good news though: I found my old copy of the Iliad! :D

This thing has apparently been sitting on a shelf for the past 5 years or so, but I have it now and it has been safely placed next to my copy of the Aeneid on a different shelf. Yay. Now I'm only missing my copy of the Odyssey but I have absolutely no clue of where it could be-

But yeah, I'll try to look for The Boy and the Lyre again on the weekend. Worst case scenario, I think there's a pdf of it online. Either way, take this as a warning that I will find a way to post a mega rant about cantor culture from ancient Greece and you can't stop me.

[madamscream]

My typical way of experiencing... well, everything, if we're honest... is to avoid having any expectations. It's something I learned how to do, and I stick to it pretty well. While it was originally mostly a bulwark against a chaotic childhood making my lil autistic ass have to figure out how to do without any sort of routine, the most profound effect it has these days is drastically increasing my enjoyment of media.

The only time I find myself disappointed with something, in that sense, is when they do something that it literally would have been better to have done nothing at all. Solmare has managed to do this a few times.

And YET. Here I am. I think so much about Obey Me that I can't help but speculate, and I've gone and got my hopes up because I've realized that there are some really fucking cool things they could do. I'm feverish, so this might get long... gunna put it under a cut.

So. I started playing the OG Obey Me about a year and a half ago. The fourth season either came out right as I started, or was already out. I never was really effected by the wait time for the next season drop, and the limbo that left fans in, so I get that my perspective is different than most.

But my perspective is this: they had a cool story with some neat concepts, both story-wise meta game stuff, but the game play was so ass it could barely be called game play, the balancing is insane (I've scraped through the main story using countless glow sticks but most of the extra lessons are still beyond me will full teams of lvl 100+ cards), and they'd written themselves into several corners they didn't know how to get out of.

Then they released Nightbringer. It has it's issues, sure, but as a game? I enjoy it about 1000% more than OG. The story is one of being thrown back in time and trying to find your way home, which we managed last chapter. On April 13th, the game will have been out one year. I think that's when they'll drop the next season but...

It would be so wildly cool if they also merged the games. The MC's just returned to the timeline from OG, supposedly, though hadn't Solomon suggested that... y'know, everyone had noticed you disappearing? OG is at it's end of life. It's pretty clear they're going to shut it down at some point. I want, so so so badly, for 4/13 to hit, a massive update to be available, and the entirety of OG's story line to have been ported to NB. I want the accounts to merge together. I want to have all my cards and I want there to be a new Nightmare chapter with all the old cards from OG and I want the plot moving forward to be a mess of scrambled timeline shit, trying to figure out who NB is, and stress. From a game dev perspective, they have the chance to do something so so wildly awesome and I KNOW they won't. I KNOW I'm going to be disappointed. But FUCK it'd be cool...

I have so many ideas on how it could be done... and I'm well aware it'd probably piss a lot of people off still, but people are pissed off anyways. I think it'd make more people happy than it did angry.

And I know some people don't like Ruri-tunes but like... at least it's a game. I'm no huge fan of rhythm games tbh. I honestly hated them before Ruri-tunes, but I disliked the dance battles so much that I've started liking rhythm games more just because it was suck an upgrade imo

Anyways. That's the end of my rant. I want them to do meta shit that ties into their story basically. Thank you for coming to Mal's fever talk.

[queer-crusader]

I'm gonna talk about weight for a sec. I don't like to do it or focus on it bc I don't think it should be a focal point of my thoughts or conversations (in fact I viscerally hate it as a topic most times bc I've seen what obsessing over it can do), hence me never talking about it, but I'm gonna do it now anyway bc I had a dawning realisation.

During my childhood and teen years, I played badminton. I played it three times a week, including regional competitions. It is a big stamina sport and I was FIT. I was also young so I probably had a naturally faster metabolism just due to my age.

But when I moved out and went off to college and uni, I stopped playing. Access to local clubs was harder, or it collided with other things I gave priority, I didn't know the other club members, had a whole new life routine, etc etc etc. Many different reasons. But I stopped exercising. I tried the gym for a little while, but. Well. ADHD. Routines are a BITCH and there is NOTHING compelling about the gym, not in the way badminton is. There is a vast difference between playing a game without even thinking of exercise, and exercising for the sake of exercise. Boring. The brain won't allow it.

On top of this, my diet changed from homemade meals from scratch with plenty of healthy ingredients, to ready-made meals, takeout, and eventually some alcohol a couple of times a week when I started drinking (took me a while to start drinking, but I got there in the end - student life in Scotland caught up to me). Processed foods, burgers and chips and pizza and beer etc all became a more regular part of life.

And when I tell you I gained weight in my student years, I mean it. I went from 65kg to close to 90kg in the span of 6 years. I wasn't very happy about it, but I didn't often make it a massive focus in my mind, bc I didn't want to focus on weight (and I'm kinda glad for it - it's easy to hyperfixate on things like that, and that could've gotten mentally very unhealthy. In my most depressive period, my weight and stress eating did get to me, and I was mentally beating myself up on the regular for a brief period. It hurt. It sucked). I did try especially during my later uni years to be a little more healthy every now and then, but again, little to no exercise + intense study/work load and an increase in anxiety (when I tell you Brexit fucked me up a little mentally I'm not joking) did not help me to have the energy to cook for myself several times a week.

Now here's the kicker. I've graduated and gone home again, back to my parents. I'm still not properly exercising (aka no gym or badminton), but I am walking and cycling more, and my diet has gone back to what it was - cooked meals that are almost guaranteed to be healthier than junk food, not too many snacks, less alcohol intake now that I'm doing better mentally. I'm not actively trying to lose weight. I'm not dieting, I'm not hitting the gym three times a week. I'm just living my life in a way that is better for me mentally and I'm taking things easy.

And in the 2.5 years that I've been home, I've dipped under 80kg. I rarely check my weight - again, I don't like to preoccupy myself with it - but this morning the scales said 78.6kg. Basically a 10kg difference from my heaviest point in life during my student years. (I don't think I weighed that much when I came home, I think my weight was already slowly going down during those last uni years). And while I don't want to conflate weight and numbers with health, especially not generalised health (what may be a "healthy" weight for me is either far too much or far too little for someone else), I am glad to see it.

Why?

Because I'm not burning it off. I'm not pushing my body through starvation and intense exercise. I'm not forcing any yo-yo effects or whatever. I'm simply seeing the result that comes from a healthier lifestyle, and I am happy to see it happen so gradually. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I don't need to be skinny tomorrow. I don't WANT to be skinny tomorrow (or in a year's time). I just wanna be healthy. I know I was healthy when I was 16, and while I know I'll likely never go back to physically being how I was back then (which is okay), sometimes I do wish I was a bit closer to those days. And knowing I'm closer now than I was 4 years ago is nice.

But the number on the scales isn't a goal for me, and it never will be. Nor is my circumference or size or whatever. My goal is to feel fit, rejuvenated, healthy. The number on the scales is just a more visible sign that my patterns and self-care have changed. That, spread over time, bodies change. That even little things have an effect on us. That I don't have to put my body through hell to be "healthy". And that is quite a soothing thought.

I intend to live a calm and (for me) healthy life. And for that, I've got all the time in the world.

[scarycranegame]

so i watched that daisy brown arg that everyone was hootin and hollerin about a few years back and i made some observations, particularly about how daisy behaves towards alan/in general really

(warning: you probably aren't gonna like this post if you're in the "daisy never did anything wrong in her life and alan is pure evil" camp; also additional warning for mentions of physical and mental/emotional abuse and theft & death of an animal)

okay so first off, the way daisy treats alan when hes a baby seems a little fucked to me. like.. sorry but i think that using an infant creature to test your dollar store makeup and handling him in a way that looks like you're trying to snap his neck is a lil weird (seriously look at the way she holds him in some scenes from earlier episodes, how the FUCK did his head stay on)

actually let's talk about the fact that she's filming him and posting him online anyways!! yknow how everyone hates youtube "family channels" for broadcasting all their kids' formative years online for countless strangers to see? thats basically what daisy did to alan!!! since he was literally an infant!!! imagine having videos of you as a baby online!!! how wouldn't that fuck someone up!!!!!

this isn't even mentioning the fact that daisy sewed fabric into alan's flesh and it was confirmed once he could speak that it hurt him. yeah she was trying to make sure his head didn't fall off but who the hell sees a living being in pain and goes "oh!! i should stick a needle in it!! :D" (especially since. the needle likely was not sterilized. and also she started doing this when he was in a relatively juvenile stage. yeah)

okay moving onto later videos: i never see anyone talk about the fact that daisy likely stole strawberry.. she mentions in the video where strawberry is introduced that strawberry had a collar, and i mean. cats aren't just born with collars on. so either she stole a cat that escaped from a shelter or she stole a cat from her neighbors. nice. cool. very cool and good behavior definitely Smol Bean Activities™

oh speaking of strawberry! daisy already knew that alan was eating large quantities of meat (lmao)!! and she decided to steal someones cat and keep it in her house despite that!!! even if she adopted strawberry legitimately it would still be a massive irresponsible decision because. [gestures to everything about alan]

oneee more thing about strawberry: so she has this creature that she's taken care of for most of her life (if the captions are anything to go by). and then she sees this random-ass cat wander onto her property. and then she immediately decides that she cares more about this random cat that she's known for less than a day than the creature she's cared for like a mother since her own childhood? yeah i get it cats are cute and all but jesus christ. imagine caring about your pet more than your kid. what the fuck daisy

in defense of daisy:

she's very, very sheltered (if the captions are anything to go by), and thus she likely has no other reference for parenting or interacting with others besides her dad, and her dad was... not great. and it is good that she's at least trying to be better than he was at parenting, but it seems like she doesn't quite understand that baby dolls are not an accurate replica of actual babies

additionally, daisy's father himself introduces alan to her as just a creature. yes, a living creature, but still a creature. not a pet, not a family member, not even a friend, but a chore. "you and i are gonna have to take care of this thing, and yeah i know it's probably gonna suck, but otherwise everything will be fine, don't worry; it's like he's not even there". (if you don't know what i'm talking about here then rewatch the series and turn on the subtitles)

however...

alan also has no reference for basically any human behavior besides daisy, and daisy... basically just treated him like a toy. "human behavior" includes morality and empathy. daisy doesn't seem to have taught him anything besides "other people are toys" from a very, very early age. suddenly him getting a kick out of messing with her makes a little more sense.

some of the more caring things daisy did for alan in the earlier videos could be interpreted very differently through the eyes of an infant creature who can't communicate what they're feeling... specifically i'm talking about the "trying out different sources of sugar" video, where. from alan's point of view, she's basically force feeding him. and also in later videos when she basically ignores him because she's busy doing something else that doesn't involve him.. i think that he might've maybe seen things that weren't really there, so to speak

anyways tldr while daisy is nowhere near as obvious & cartoonishly abusive as alan is, she's still not a perfect person and might've been partially responsible for alan turning out Like That™ because she's been isolated from the entire world for her whole life and has no reference for how to parent correctly.. also justice for alan, he deserved therapy, not death, fuck you guys you guys are just mean/lh

[knightofameris]

ames :D it’s jules🧸!!!

woah!! i’m so glad i caught you in a (un)timely manner :D three months isn’t toooo bad of a wait, right? KWKDWK

you’re right, you never changed your URL—i don’t know what april 2023 me had going on but i am glad i’ve remembered the right one all this time! i don’t use tumblr that much anymore either but i do log on from time to time just to see what’s up!! i’m so glad you’re doing well, it makes me so happy to hear about what you’ve accomplished and what you’re excited about for the future. :)

i am so so so proud of you. i know you have talked about how your home life was never the best and to know that you have made your own life for yourself and are away from such an environment genuinely brings me so so so much joy!! AGHH ames, you deserve it. i hope you know you deserve to feel so accomplished of yourself + proud of yourself, and that i’m proud of you too! and hey, no one ever said you had to stick to one thing in life >:D so yeah if you end up switching career paths, go ahead and do it! i support you no matter what you do!

AHHHH!!! A BOYFRIEND!!!! he sounds so so so cute i hope you two are doing good now!! i love that you two can talk to each other about anything and be comfortable like that :3 and of course of course, a prerequisite for being a bf is to be able to play games and watch anime together >:3 i hope everything goes well for you two no matter what, and that you find happiness <3

i’m glad you’re doing better mentally, hun <3 burnout sucks ass and having no passions for anything definitely sucks the life out of you… but YAY! one piece!! i still…have yet….to get into it….my friends are into it + so is the guy i’m seeing right now KSMDSK should i get into it??? is this a sign?????

thank you for all the sweet words ;D my journey has definitely been a little bit … hm. crazy? than i would have wanted?

(TWs up ahead for unhealthy coping mechanisms, breakdowns, depression, anxiety, anger issues + toxic relationships. if you’re not okay with that it’s completely okay! i’ll put a TLDR at the end of where you don’t have to read too explicit stuff)

it has been an incredibly wild ride for me, even though it’s been only 9 months since i initially sent that ask. i graduated and started college late august and went through probably the absolute worst month and a half of my life; i got broken up with after a 2 year relationship, lost my entire high school friend group including my best friend, almost lost my childhood friend group, dealt with a LOT of mental health issues, and just overall was not having a very good time. to be clear, i was in the wrong in my relationship and i denied it so much of the time until it ended up kicking me in the damn ass. i dealt with a LOT of home issues/past trauma, which impacted my relationships with my pre-college friends + ex, and in the end, my breakup was the straw that broke the camel’s back. my pre-college friends dropped me with no warning and everyone from before turned their backs on me, basically. i spiraled into a depression and since i already struggled with anxiety + anger issues, it was rough, INCREDIBLY rough. it was like you were talking to a wall, almost? i would have breakdowns during the dorms and lashed out and was just coping in an incredibly unhealthy way, to the point where one night i ran off. i ended up having to have what’s called an emergency counseling session at my college with a counselor and the community director, and since then have been going to therapy.

TLDR; because of mental health issues, i lost a lot of people who meant the world to me right as college started (i.e. bf of 2 years and bestfriend). this, along with the adjusting to college life + past trauma, had me seeking therapy early october.

HOWEVER, i am doing so much better now! and i can say this confidently. i started therapy, rekindled my passions in poetry and art, focused on my academics and ended with a 4.0 for the sem, found friends who love and care for me and want to see me grow, enjoyed my first semester + got out of my comfort zone, and currently am romantically involved with someone who means so much to me! it’s been a roller coaster in getting to where i am today and i know i have so much more to work on but i’m so, so, so proud of myself. i also found myself a found family in one of my hs teachers. him and his wife figuratively took me in and care for me as if i am really their child, and i am so incredibly grateful to them for all that they’ve done to support me.

actually, the day i’m sending in this ask is the day before i move back into the dorms! i’ve been home for winter break. it’s been a lil rough again but i am excited to get back to the dorms (less excited for the actual classes…) and see everyone. i start classes monday!

so yeah, that’s about it for me!! i’m not really into haikyuu anymore or even genshin—i still think about the characters from time to time (iwaizumi hajime 27 personal athletic trainer yeahyahyeahyeahyeah) but it’s nothing too serious :P i played honkai star rail for awhile!! however once college started i haven’t really had any time to invest in those kinds to time-consuming games where you have to grind D: but i still do love all the character designs and am actually studying to hopefully be apart of the game design process one day!! so !!! WOOP WOOP !!!

OKAY THATS ACTUALLLYYY IT i swear !! hopefully we will be able to catch up again soon—it’s always nice knowing that the people you crossed paths with in life are doing well :3 thank you so much for everything once again! until next time, darling ames <3

- your lovely 🧸 :)

Okay well, uh, this is like 5 months later ASDJFLKADSJKLDASFALSKDJ I would be totally down to exchange discord if you're comfy! but up to you! I will be trying to check more <3

AWWWW thank you so much jules ;u; that's so sweet of you. Life is so strange as we get older... I know it's just going to get weirder and weirder. A lot like Haikyuu, even when reaching the end of a journey, not only do you feel a bit empty but also... relieved? Because you did it!! But also, the journey, even hard, was fun. I sure miss my friends because a lof of us have big adult jobs now so it's hard to call and text--you're always a bit exhausted at the end of the day. Watching Battle of the Garbage dump really hit me in the feels LMAOOOO. The match was fun for them but they didn't want it to end but in order for it to BE fun was because they knew it had to come to an end TT_TT

Heheh thanks!! I find that a lot of the characters I simp for all have bits and pieces of him so :3

Also, hey, that shit sounds real hard man. Thank you for sharing all of that with me, I hope that in the past 5 months it hasn't been to crazy and you've been enjoying your first year of college! I hope you've found a good therapist and I hope, no I know, you will find friends who will stick with you through thick and thin. And whoever your partner is is lucky to be with you. Honestly, I don't really, and haven't really, have a friend group anymore. Maybe it's because America has the lack of a third place, the lack of walkable cities except during university (if you lived on campus), and a bunch of other things. But we gotta work with what we got and sometimes just having different friends in different parts of your life is okay, you don't always need to bring them all together for that "friend group" because it's just not always like that. And I spend time with my boyfriend's kinda friend group (more like a discord server where anyone who joins will join and it's the same people who do) and yeah I know them and they know me but I also know they would not be good REAL friends. LMAO.

I'm glad you're doing so much better! Therapy is so good and helpful and also props to you for getting a 4.0... that shits hard. And I hope you're enjoying the time with the person you're romantically involved with! heheh. Also that's so sweet of your former HS teacher! Goals, honestly. (On that note, I have a contracted teaching job as a physics HS teacher now WAHOOOOO, I long term-subbed an English class for all of second semester and that shit was hard cus these kids had two teachers quit on them and multiple long term subs lmao so they were pretty disheartened until i stuck it out)

I hope you enjoyed your second semester in the dorms!!!

I get like random spurts of haikyuu obsession... and then it's off. I actually got back into genshin now! LMAO I started playing the main quest, and it just got me hooked. Since it's summer and I already have a job set out I've been relaxing tbh so I started playing again since I got bored... Trying to work out though cus I have no muscle and I should take care of my body LMAOOO

Also valid! I feel like I would try to play games and shit during school as a student but there was always so much to do. Now, I have so much free time heheh.

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOUR WORK WHEN YOU GO INTO GAME DESIGN OMGGGGG, imagine i play one of your games in the future...

Yes! I totally get it, I'm glad you're doing well, I hope you've been doing well as well ;u;

[charliesinfern0]

doubling up since you said more questions was cool and i wanted to let you work w/ characters you felt more confident w/ [THOUGH DONT YOU WORRY ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF DETAIL! VERY FUN TO READ REGARDLESS!] ^^!!!! SO. asking for reito: 36 [aside from escaping the killing game id imagine ?!?!], 27, 24, and 12...!!!!! [additional q: WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU MAKE!! and which of ur ocs do you think would like that kind most...]

OC Asks

YAYY TY I LOVE REITO IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HER A LOT MORE LATELY!!!! ^^

12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

She's really patient, only cracking under extreme pressure. When dealing with the more annoying personalities in the killing game trials (mainly byakuya and kokichi lol), she kind of plays along and tries to appeal to them, kind of assigning herself roles that will get more information out of them. When she does get actually mad, she gets really mad. A sort of facade falls, and she becomes frantic, yelling, trying to explain herself, she needs them to listen her, she needs them to understand her!!!!

24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

Her philosophy is that nothing should be worth suffering for. Basically, if shit sucks, hit da bricks!!! That's why she wants to end the killing game so much, she thinks the idea of despair just because is stupid.

27. What kind of childhood did your character have?

It was… okay? In elementary school, parents “supported” her passion for acting, kind of, but then they kind of treated her like she was a brat. She saw other kids being praised for their performances, but when she gives her all, she either gets scolded for “trying to hog the spotlight” or just plain ignored. Her instructor thought she was amazing though, and so did the audiences she performed for. But her parents always downplayed it, saying that she shouldn’t let the praise go to her head and that she should be happy grateful for just being onstage. Her fellow actors also thought she was “trying too hard” and was a teacher’s pet, and thought she was weird in general. This continued on in middle school, where she would try to make friends, and people were nice enough, but always made excuses not to hang out with her and talked behind her back. Her parents stopped caring about what she did, so she spent most of her time practicing lines in the auditorium by herself after school. She was so happy when she was picked to go to Hope’s Peak, because it would be a fresh new start with new people to make friends with. She didn’t even tell her parents, she just left a note and moved out on her own.

36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

She always wants the truth, and will do whatever she can to get it out of people. She wants to know why things are the way they are, after years of being lied to her face about why people wouldn’t hang out with her and being treated unfairly by her parents. She has her way with words, and that’s usually enough to get people to spit it out, whether it be through compliments or confusing or riling people up so it slips out. Though most of the time she just acts trustworthy, because she does want to be close to people and be honest and open with others, but when she knows secrets are being kept, she needs to know what they are. She’s very straightforward and open about her methods when asked, and some see this as cruel and manipulative. And it probably is, but Reito sees it as a necessary thing, truth that is. She understands when lies are necessary though, she just needs to know the truths behind them. She just hates being lied to, especially when she knows she’s being lied to.

Bonus Answer!

I made a chocolate mug cake with caramel chips! ^_^ Out of all of my OCs I think Myce would like that kind of cake the most, though I think she would prefer cinnamon-y things and spice cakes, and if she had to have caramel she’d like it salted :)

And what the heck! let me tell you about my other OCs cake/dessert preferences :3 Reito likes anything sweet potato flavored, Ai likes carrot cake with soft vanilla frosting, Usagi likes vanilla or chocolate cake with vanilla frosting and strawberries, I imagine that Juniper doesn’t really like sweets but she enjoys an oreo or four from time to time, Ray only likes savory meaty things but does enjoy soft serve vanilla ice cream with salt flakes, and Courier just likes making desserts and just food in general for others when they can ^_^

and bonus bonus citrus answer!!! Page of course loves citrus flavored sweets and frosted lemonade, and Wyllin loves a black forest gateau cake :3

OKAY THATS IT FOR NOW TY AGAIN FOR THE QUESTIONS!!!! Hope u have a good night/day!! <333

[5-7-9]

i really want to apologize about shit i did, but it feels lackluster unless i do something rather than say it, but i dislike/fear doing anything, which always comes back to my anxiety, so in the end have i really changed at all? And is it an invalid excuse to keep saying most of my personal issues stem from my innate(?) severe anxiety? And blaming my environment for not raising me in a way i cope better? Once i become an adult, I will have to be responsible for my actions. But is it really my actions if i’ve been conditioned from my childhood to never grow up? But then, it doesn’t fucking matter whose to blame I literally don’t give two shits who started what everyone should SHUT THE FUCK UP and try being peaceful all together because we HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER but that’s a real fantasy and i think it sounds victim blaming but literally what happens to an abuser after you leave??? They either continue that cycle with someone else, or go to jail. And jail fucking sucks, and the death penalty is widely controversial for valid complex reasons. I think restorative justice is good because it’s basically the opposite of toxic and everyone toxic really hates it. Wait does that make me toxic? Is the rotten apple rush the other apples in the basket to wither quicker too?

I feel like a morally terrible person (by my own standards, which i think is fall proof, which means I’m probably right). Which sucks. I’m constantly at a crossroad with my haywire instincts of anxiety, and my thoughts/mind and body. Which sucks. It sounds stupid to think fixing the root issue of a problem will help me get my life on track, which is stupid because yes it will. I should probably get anti-anxiety medication. Once my anxiety gets over medication, I’ll think about it 🤔

[mangodestroyer]

Vent about trauma and mental health.

I feel like there's this stigma around mental health where if you don't manage it perfectly 100% of the time and basically overcome your condition completely, you're a toxic fuck up and you didn't even try.

And, I mean, I've gotten this sentiment from people over my autism of all things. A condition you can't cure. And my cPTSD symptoms as well. Something that can be managed, but again, trauma is for life.

And I think this sentiment from both therapists and society has actually slowed down my healing. Got me too caught up on looking at my own failings as an individual and blaming myself for a lot of things. Which basically led to me putting up with abuse from others, thinking I made that happen (an idea that originates from behavioral therapies from childhood).

So I did a lot of work, research, and thinking on my own. After hitting a rock bottom point in my life. And tbh, I feel a lot more mentally well forgiving myself for being imperfect. And no longer questioning if there's something seriously wrong with me for... having a mental breakdown over a stressful or triggering situation for instance. And, I mean, even saving the mental breakdown for when I'm alone and not making it other people's problem.

I think maybe it's completely normal to sometimes not be okay. And I'm starting to think it's a little ridiculous that I ever found it toxic of me to have normal human emotions (and thought it was wrong for me to have boundaries and not like abuse). And, you know, I've seen people from completely healthy backgrounds sometimes get overwhelmed by life too. So it's really not that abnormal.

And I don't think getting bothered by your trauma from time to time is a bad thing. I don't think you need to be 100% optimistic about the world and believe it's a safe, perfect place in order to be "cured." Trauma responses exist for a reason, and no, if the world was this safe, perfect place, there wouldn't be traumatized individuals. And so many of them at that. I swear, some people act like we're just like this for the hell of it, or like our brains goofed (and I've never met a therapists who actually wanted to talk about my trauma). Obviously it isn't healthy to believe EVERYONE is dangerous, but I'm also finding it helpful to actually analyze why certain situations in my life were dangerous and unhealthy, validate the damage it caused, and learning how to protect myself in the future. Because no, not everyone is a bad person, but clearly, bad people do exist and not everyone has your best interests in mind. Again, there wouldn't be traumatized individuals if this wasn't true, and there wouldn't be so many horrible things, like r*pe and m*rder happening either.

I wouldn't be traumatized if I hadn't known people who constantly went out of their way to hurt me and play games with me. Make me feel completely worthless and derive joy from seeing me miserable. Threatened me and even told me they wish I was dead, whether directly or just by implying that. Or realizing I may have dodged a bullet and almost gotten myself into other dangerous situations. Like, clearly I've seen a dark side of humanity. No, I'm probably never going to be 100% okay, dealing with that for nearly two decades. CONSTANTLY. From a handful of individuals. And no, I don't think this makes me a fuck up. And I don't think me being autistic gives other people an excuse to be such vultures. It's not my fault at all! They made the choice to go for someone less popular/more vulnerable and kick them while they're down. It's clearly more of a reflection of their sadistic tendencies and lack of empathy. And realizing that there are such sick individuals out there who are completely irredeemable sucks (I've tried everything to make these relationships work and to "work on myself" to make their abusive behaviors stop, but no, treating these people like they're reasonable and caring will NEVER work). But AGAIN, there wouldn't be such unspeakable things happening in the world if people like that didn't exist. And ignoring this fact about reality, as many people strangely enough do, does nothing to actually fix these problems and makes victims feel hella isolated.

So yeah, this became a bit of a tangent. But accepting this dark side of reality and realizing all the gaslighting around my mental illness has been a huge game changer. For once, I feel SANE. I'm actually seeing myself become more emotionally regulated and functional. It's ironically improved my autistic symptoms as well, just accepting my condition as it is. At the very least, I'm learning how to better navigate the world WITH my autism, rather than trying to reject it. And guess what? People are starting to find me more approachable/likeable. Something my autism was supposedly getting in the way of.

You aren't defective for being different/having problems. At this point, I believe you can learn to work with your mental conditions. I feel like I've learned how to use my trauma as a tool to protect me and grew from it, rather than let it control me. You're allowed to have flaws and it's okay if you need to do things differently.

[3liza]

what kind of air travel accommodations do you miss? i'm young enough to not remember pre-9/11 airports so the hell we live in now is all i know

the changes theyve made are basically total. a major one is plane seats and leg room are now much smaller, and those inches are either being used to cram in extra passengers, or give first class even more room. this article from 2014 goes into detail but a horrible/hilarious point among many is that the average USA hip width in 2002 was a little over 20 inches wide, and economy class seating in planes is now regularly 17-18" wide. thats unbelievable. can you imagine a car seat or a bus seat with rigid metal armrests that clamped you in for 12 hours at a time. air travel is one of the few times i am incredibly grateful to be built like a praying mantis because i can just jacobs ladder my gollum ass into the plane seat with room to spare. but theyre intentionally torturing everyone who is normal sized

as of 2018, American Airlines 737 Max seats were down to 15.9".

just doing some real rough math here: average woman in the USA in 2021 wears a size 16-18. size 18 hip measurement for most brands rn is about 50" (approximate, varies a lot by brand). so the diameter of a perfect circle with a circumference of 50 is 15.9, but people's hips aren't perfectly circular, we're mostly wider than we are thick, so it's safe to say that the average person is not fitting into the average airline seat comfortably anymore. in fact fat people started getting kicked off of flights, just for being fat, after the seats and pitch areas started to shrink. this famously happened even to Kevin Smith in 2010. if you're too fat to put your armrests down they make you buy a second seat.

so ive spent two big paragraphs just talking about seats but everything has been drastically cut down. people used to get a lot more comped food on airlines: i remember making note of it in idk, probably around 2008, when i started flying a lot again after having flown a lot as a kid (middle class white family with relatives on either coast meant usually flying several times a year, every year of my childhood), that meals and sometimes even basic snacks were being offered less and less. thinking about how much the average person absolutely freaks out if their blood sugar is even a little low, thats definitely contributing to the air rage incidents. you used to just get a hot meal (and it sucked, but it was edible) for showing up, or at least a substantial bag of peanuts.

since peanut allergies become widespread the peanuts have mostly been replaced with pretzels, and processed carbs aren't going to stabilize a stressed person's blood sugar the way legume protein used to.

and naturally you cannot even get onto a flight these days without spending hours in line at the various security theater displays, taing off and putting on your shoes, jewelry, bobby pins, the fillings in your teeth, your breast implants, etc. none of which actually works to make passengers or staff "safer" from "terrorism", and people know they dont work. TSA steals your shit at will, gropes you, and/or doses you with radiation in a body scanner which allows the agents to look at a 3d render of your naked body on a public screen.

all of this started with the 9/11 airline freakout, and once the airlines figured out exaclty how much people would let them get away with, and were bailed out by the government multiple times despite losing money hand over fist, they just went mad with power. seats constantly get smaller, security theater gets more ludicrous, TSA agents get more brazen, planes get more cramped and dirty, flight attendants are way more stressed, maintenance on the planes is more ramshackle leading to more delays on the runway which make people insane (there's a whole episode of 30 Rock just about this) and now, finally, people are justifiably freaking out about it. but of course the freakouts are only affecting other passengers and the low level staff, not the airline CEOs and government regulators who created this issue.

my oracular prediction is that pretty soon here there is going to be a mass casualty event caused by an air rage incident. either someone is going to manage to get an emergency door out (this is borderline impossible due to pressure differentials but never say never), or set a fire without being noticed, or stab or shoot up or nerve gas a cabin full of passengers, or successfully break into a cockpit, or something., and then theres going to be a reckoning, and it wil probably end with like. economy class being put into little dog cages for the duration of the flight or something

[cheesey-rice]

Theory on the Soul in Deltarune. (Warning for spoilers on all routes.)

In case you didn't know already, there are two routes in the new Deltarune chapter. I think each one gives us a different perspective on Kris's motivations and their relationship with the soul that inhabits them.

I think the important thing that underpins my take on the game is assuming that the two other lighters who accompany you in the game, Noelle and Susie, are used to voice perspectives that Kris as a silent protagonist might share but be unable to express. This is a common tool used in silent protagonist RPGs, but if you don't agree with it my take might not hold much water for you.

I'll start out by talking about a fairly regular pacifist playthrough of this part. The main scene I'd like to discuss is the one at the end, where it is discussed that opening a dark fountain could bring about the Roaring.

Because it's pretty obvious that we are to think Kris is the "Knight" sneaking off to create these dark fountains with their knife, some people think that they intend to bring about the Roaring. I think their intentions are far less malicious than such a theory assumes.

Because the main thing is that we know that Kris as a character cares about the people in their life. They have a loving relationship with their family and take care of their friends automatically without us prompting them. When Susie consistently alludes to wanting to stay friends with Kris throughout the pacifist rounds, I assume these feelings are reciprocated. I also assume that most of the feelings Susie expresses about the dark world, that it's cool and fun and easier than the real world, are also feelings felt by Kris.

There's also another layer we can see to Kris's feelings about the dark world that comes from their own reactions. We know that Kris is a weird kid in real life, a lonely kid who looks up to their older brother and doesn't have any trophies on their wall like he does. In the dark world, Kris does get trophies on their wall in the room Ralsei makes for them. In the dark world, Kris is a confident, accomplished leader who can make as many friends as they want to thanks to help and guidance from a goat who is very similar to their older brother who they can't contact because of the internet currently.

It isn't really a ground breaking conclusion to say that Kris probably likes the dark world just as much as Susie does, as she talks only of how she wants to go back and have another adventure. Because Kris is the one making the dark fountains, one can see that the worlds are made for them. Made for their adventure with friends in a world makebelieved out of all their childhood toys and imaginings.

We also know that Kris has the ability to walk around, slash tires, eat pies, and make dark fountains without any input from us at all. They don't need us for that and have the ability to take us out whenever they want.

So if the theory that they resent the soul that controls their actions held true, why would we still be in control? Why would they choose to let us do that?

This is where it's important to consider Noelle in the alternate route, whose inner feelings we are often privy to due to Kris's strong understanding of her from childhood.

The alternate route is activated by forcing Noelle to kill people in the dark world. At one point, Noelle asks herself why she's following Kris's commands when they're asking her to do such awful things. The conclusion that she draws is, "but I keep getting stronger... They're just trying to make me stronger."

If this is the reason Noelle obeys Kris, then perhaps in turn we can extrapolate that this is the reason Kris obeys us.

Because we get results.

No matter which ending you get, Kris had an adventure, became stronger, defeated enemies it would have been impossible to go up against without us.

We also see that in scenes where we don't help Kris, where we aren't in control, they often suffer at the hands of these enemies. How Susie hit then against the locker in the first game, howthe King almost strikes them down after they help Susie, how Spamton would have killed them all alone in the basement if their friends hadn't interceded.

Kris wants to be cool and strong and have a fun adventure. For that reason, they are relying on another, external force to make their choices for them. To make choices that will matter.

In the Pacifist run, Kris gets their wish. A fun adventure with their friends where no one has to get hurt. Kris can just sit back and enjoy as a friendly dark power holds their hand through the whole thing.

In the alternate route, however, we see the start of a darker path. One where the dark power with hold over Kris makes malevolent choices that make them question themselves. Is this really the right thing?

We see this hesitation in how other characters react to Kris in this route. After Kris and Noelle kill Bertly, Susie notes that Kris's expression seems to be off some how. That something seems wrong with them, even offering to heal them because of it. Later on, Noelle notes that she sees some other voice coming out of Kris, something scary that she needs to investigate, foreshadowing a continuation of this plot in later chapters.

Kris experiences some amount of turmoil due to the actions of the player. But they still open the dark fountain and put the soul back into themselves later.

How do they justify that to themselves?

Think about Yoshi. If you talk to Garrison's descendent at his grave, they tell you that Kris drops Yoshi into the pit on purpose to complete a level in the video game. In video games Kris is already the kind of player that can distance themselves from necessary sacrifices.

Maybe they justify it to themselves the same way Noelle does at first. It's in the dark world, things are different there, it doesn't matter, it's not real. I'm still getting stronger. Isn't this what I wanted? Who cares if Berdley is dead, he sucked anyway, let's close our eyes and not even look so toby doesn't have to draw the sprite when we hide his body in the wire closet.

Perhaps the resign themselves to it, acclimate to it, become numb to the traumatic event in order to justify carrying on, like Flower or Chara in Undertale might be assumed to on a genocide run.

Because that's what having the soul allows them to do. It allows them to carry on.

On the notion of Noelle carrying on her investigation, it would be interesting to me if the endgame of deltarune turned out to be a fight where all the friends whose levels you raised by killing turn on you and try to either a) save Kris from you, or b) stop a Kris who is too far gone into apathy. That ending would seem sort of karmic to me so I would enjoy seeing it. I think a battle where you play as Kris but try to make them lose to their friends in a pacifist run ending might be interesting too seeing as they are the "knight" and all and are being set up as the big bad.

So basically my actual theorizing boils down to a) on pacifist run you're like Kris's replacement older sibling cajoling them into making friends on a little video game adventure and they're trying so hard to make you stay, or b) you take the alternate route and are just kind of traumatizing Kris into thinking murder is ok if they get to be cool and have fun adventures.

I also have some things to say about how Ralsei takes on Asriel's place of influencing Kris to experience empathy and when you follow those actions Kris is reminded of their big brother who they love and how the alternate route makes Kris cut themselves off from that empathetic power as part of maintaining their own self justifications but I should just make a different post if I'm gonna talk about that.

TLDR; Kris just wants to have a fun adventure like everyone else, I don't think they resent our control but are instead actively seeking it out to make their life easier.

[jeonfiles]

once more to see you | kth 01

pairing: taehyung x reader ft. seokjin

genre: angst, fluff, unrequited love

synopsis: taehyung is the complete opposite of you, and you're so in love with him. he's not interested in you at all, but he's willing to pretend so he won't be known for breaking the sweetest girl in school's heart. he knows you'll end up hurt either way.

warnings: taehyung is an idiot, a lot of pining, y/n is annoyingly dependent on validation, y/n does a lot of silent prayers, y/n is a track star, childhood bsf seokjin (cute), mentions of deceased family member

music for this chap: she had the world , carry me out

a/n: taehyung will disappoint u in the beginning but hes cute i promise

"I get why you like him Y/N," Sohee swallowed the rest of her sandwich before finishing her sentence, "He's so hot. People say he's interested in you too, y'know?"

Sohee visibly tried to get food out from the back of her mouth using her tongue, and it made you chuckle at the sight. "I don't think he does." You sighed, resting your chin in your palm.

You were both situated at the table in the inner corner of the cafeteria, with a full view of who walks in the door, and sometimes you swore you could see Sohee drool when attractive guys walked in that exact door.

"Hello, of course, he does! Even his friend Jimin told Kang Seulgi from Class 1, who told Go Euntaek in class 3, who eventually told his girlfriend Baek Ho-rang who ran to me to tell me the great news." Sohee gasped for air after rambling, and you rolled your eyes,

"Stories change when that many links contribute." You scoffed, sitting back in your chair and reaching for your juice box on the table, taking a huge slurp, which you knew would annoy Sohee.

"You don't believe me? Guess we gotta ask a link closer to the source then." Sohee stood up from her chair, and you looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Park Jimin, get your ass over here will ya?" She nearly shouted across the cafeteria, and now all looks were pointed at you two, and you felt the urge to just slip down the cracks of the floor tiles and hide there forever grow stronger for each nanosecond.

You sunk further down on your tacky, orange chair, but you could still see Jimin's black locks sway a little over the crowd as he walked over to the table you were sitting at.

"What's up sugar?" Jimin smirked at Sohee, and Sohee didn't even budge, and you had no idea how she did it. He was stupidly attractive and could make any girl drop her pants with a comment like that.

"Jimin my dearest, a little birdie told me that Taehyung likes my sweet Y/N, could you confirm?" She batted her long lashes and smiled prettily at Jimin.

He looked to the left, sucked his teeth, and said, "I can't, I'm sorry." You realized you had grown a little too hopeful, and your heart sunk quite a bit when he spoke.

"Does he think I'm pretty at least?" You spoke up, eyes shining when you looked up towards the standing Jimin, the harsh lights in the cafeteria reflecting in them.

"He hasn't mentioned you much, to be quite honest." He shrugged, walking back to his table, where Taehyung and the rest of his friends sat.

Your heart thumped when he met your eyes, and you looked away in panic. The rest of lunch was just Sohee apologizing and you avoiding eye contact with any of the students at the nearby tables.

Jimin mentioned you and Sohee's name several times, he was a loud speaker, and you were so scared of what he was saying you could probably die right then and there.

Saved by the bell, you picked up your stuff and got ready to start running to your classroom, praying you wouldn't meet any of Taehyung's friends, and especially not Taehyung as you ran Usain Bolt style.

You looked down while running, not thinking twice about leaving your best friend behind, you suddenly fell to the ground with a thud. This was surely not one of your glory days.

When you looked up, you wanted to cry. It was none other than Kim Taehyung, and he didn't look pleased. You gathered your things and muttered "Sorry." under your breath probably about 10 times, and he just watched, disappointingly.

"You're a klutz. Why were you running?" He spoke, and your knees turned into jelly when you tried to stand up, you nearly fell and dropped all your stuff again, but he caught you by the arm, straightening you up like it was nothing.

"Uh... Uhm... Err..." you mumbled, and he rolled his eyes, and not in a joking manner. "Fuck that, why are you going around telling people I like you?"

Your breath hitched, and he stared at you coldly. "I didn't! Gosh, my friend Sohee told me someone had told her that you liked me, and- uh... We asked Jimin, and-" He put his hand over your mouth, making you shut up.

"I don't want you two to go around making up baseless rumors about me, it's incredibly annoying for me to go around correcting people who assume shit just because your little friend speaks louder than a bunch of hyenas at a tea party." Taehyung nearly spat, and you took a step back.

You noticed that people were listening in, their stares burning holes in your back. He was livid, and you didn't understand why, you just smiled, praying to god that this would end soon.

"I just thought you liked me-" You began, and he interrupted you, "You thought I was gonna like someone like you? Get over yourself and enter the real world."

The hallway went silent, your lips trembled as hot tears raced down your face, and like the track star you were, you fled the scene and passed the finish line into the bathrooms.

You stayed till the school day ended, not knowing what was unraveling outside the four walls of the stall.

Sohee 💜: 01:12 pm

Y/N, where are you? i heard what happened :( i hate taehyung im gonna chop his sausage off

Sohee 💜: 01:38 pm

taehyung is fighting w doyoung because doyoung decided to defend you this is hilarious

but fr where are you

Sohee 💜: 01:57 pm

doyoung gave taehyung a black eye damn

doyo is on the verge of tears when taehyung said you liked him and not doyo

taehyung cant not have feelings for you like there must be smth deeper going on

Sohee 💜: 03:39 pm

class just ended i'll wait out back

Sohee always knew when to leave you alone, so she did, partially. You usually shut off your phone when you're upset, but she still sends you texts to update you whenever you turn it back on.

This time, it was quite dramatic, and you rushed out of the icky stall and ran (again) to reach Sohee to get the full story, and as you expected, it was interesting.

"Basically, Doyoung punched Taehyung and Taehyung was a little too OP, so he failed to initiate a fight, so it just turned into Taehyung being an ass to Doyoung for defending you." She shrugged, adjusting the straps of her leather backpack as you walked home.

"Taehyung's rep is so tainted right now, I don't know how he's gonna fix this my dear Y/N, so I guess he got his karma. He's an idiot and I'm glad other people are starting to see."

You nodded yes, pushing out a fake chuckle, while silently you prayed that everything would soon be back to normal and that Taehyung would forgive you for the mess you caused.

Being in love with Taehyung for a year had taken a toll on you, and your best friend since freshman year had noticed too. You were different.

You used to be so independent and optimistic, but now you would strive for validation, and you had turned into one of the most insecure people Sohee had ever met.

Sohee tried to pull you away from him, but to her demise, it only got worse when you tried to meet other guys. She figured that the only way for you to disconnect from him was if you had your go with him, or if he treated you like a complete idiot.

You waved goodbye to Sohee as you entered your house, kicking off your shoes and throwing yourself down on the couch. You wanted to scream, but you saw your brother's and another guy's shoes in your hallway, so you kept it inside.

After having watched an episode of Seinfeld, you could hear the floorboards creak, and your gaze found its way to the hallway, where your brother, Yoongi stood, peeking out from his door.

"Ah, Y/N, you're the one who's home?" He smiled brightly, eyes turning into small crescents, which made you awe at the sight.

"Yuppers." You said and sat back again, pressing play to start the next episode. "Who's your guest?" And as you uttered your last word, another head peeked out from the door, and you couldn't help but feel the happiness brew inside you.

It was Kim Seokjin in all his glory, and this time, he looked even hotter. It had been about two years since you last saw him because he moved to Germany to study medicine.

Seokjin had been your neighbor since you were born, and you pretty much grew up with two older brothers who always took care of you.

No one dared to mess with you, because Seokjin and Yoongi always got to them first. That way, you grew up without a care in the world, protected from all evil.

You had no idea when you fell in love with him. It was somewhere during puberty, where your interest in Brad Pitt and Kim Soohyun from Dream High had grown stronger.

You remember Seokjin was scouted for modeling, acting, and even idol groups all through your childhood. He did a few ads, photoshoots, a popular teenage drama called Double Trouble, and even managed to get his own Wikipedia page.

There was no doubt that Seokjin was an attractive man, and in the two years he had been gone, his face fat was completely gone, and he had defined cheekbones, a slimmer and tighter figure, and you thought he couldn't be any more perfect.

"None other than God himself," Seokjin said smugly, opening his arms to greet you with a hug, and you threw your blanket you were covered into the side as you bolted into Seokjin's arms, legs wrapped around his waist.

He slowly put you down so your feet touched the parquet, and you felt a kind of euphoria as he smiled at you again, the same smile he had flashed you as long as you could remember.

Everything about Seokjin had matured and changed, but his smile remained the same. "What are you doing back?" You sniffled, holding back the happy tears that were forming in your eyes.

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I love Germany, but it's a little bland. I miss ahjumnas complimenting me on the subway and the bomb ass food here in SK." Seokjin grinned as he wiped a tear that fell down your face.

Yoongi was leaning against the door frame, smiling at the grand reunion. You knew he liked seeing you two together, and you had a small suspicion about him shipping you guys.

"Please don't ever leave again." You gripped onto his shirt, digging your face down in his chest, and he said, "I swear to god if you're wearing makeup right now-"

You laughed as you pushed him away, placing your hands below your chin and batting your eyelashes dramatically, "I'm all-natural."

"Naturally pretty." Seokjin leaned forward and whispered in your ear, and your heart did a little somersault.

Seokjin's always been a charmer.

You woke up in your room, pink sheets draped over your half-naked body as tons of messages poured in on your phone, vibrating so much it nearly fell off the edge of your nightstand.

You grab it while rubbing your eyes, and you're shocked to see the messages that had exploded on your lock screen.

Unknown: 08:39 am

Hey, it's Kim Taehyung.

Look, I'm sorry for the shit I said to you and I would love to make it up to you in some kind of way.

Maybe I could take you out?

I get it if you don't want to, but I heard you were interested in me so...

What kinda food do you like? Activities, hobbies?

I really wanna make this right :)

You: 08:43 am

oh hey! I'd love to, you kinda owe me one. if it's your treat, I suppose we could get some sushi and boba...

btw I don't like u like that

Contact made, saved as "taehyung <3" at 08:44 am

taehyung <3: 08:47 am

Okay. Meet me at Nori Table at 6 pm. Don't make me wait.

Your heart was palpitating, and when you pressed your phone up to your chest, you could feel your body heat up from your scalp to your toes.

Maybe Kim Taehyung had no interest in you right now, but he sure would after tonight. You were gonna make him love you, soon enough,

Running to the shower a few hours of Seinfeld later, you scrubbed with all your might with your newest strawberry scrub, did your makeup, curled your hair, and sat down on the couch, outfit draped over the armrest of the chair.

It was an hour till you were leaving, so for the time being you sat with hair rollers in your hair, dressed in pink sweats. Seokjin and Yoongi had been awake all night, you had heard them laugh and play Mario Cart all night, it reminded you of old times.

Old times where you went to bed crying because Yoongi and Seokjin's bedtime was later than yours at sleepovers. Thinking back, your parents made a pretty rational decision, but you resented them for it.

When Seokjin left for school in Germany, during your Sophomore year you cried again. You thought it was so unfair that you had to be two years younger, why couldn't you come with him?

You were painfully in love with him, and you had been probably since you were. A few months after he moved, your feelings faded. You were love-free, only to fall stupidly in love again with Taehyung just a year later.

You were forced to snap out of your train of thought because you heard the floorboards creak again. When you looked over at the dark hallway, you saw a tired, yet familiar face smile at you.

Seokjin looked quite disoriented, hair ruffled and eyes puffy, yet he looked like a Greek god. Sculpted to perfection, he smiled at you like he did yesterday and all the times before.

"Morning." He grunted out, his morning voice prominent. You chuckled when you looked at the time, feeling kind of bad for Seokjin who had slept away the majority of his day, which you knew he didn't like.

"It's 5 pm, cutie. Mom said you guys could order takeout, cause she's working late." You stood up, and Seokjin gave you a good look up and down, and then diverted his gaze to the lavender ruffle skirt and white long-sleeve blouse you had neatly hung over the armchair.

"What's the occasion?" He nodded over at the clothes and then your hair rollers and full-face makeup-covered face. He threw a few walnuts from the little bowl on the coffee table into his mouth.

"It's none of your business, but I have a date tonight," you said smugly, and a walnut flew out of Seokjin's mouth in shock.

"A date? Like a real one?" He frantically asked, and you nodded as you walked away with your outfit in hand.

You came back out minutes later, and Seokjin had to hold his mouth shut so it wouldn't drop to the floor. You had matured so well, a white blouse adorning your waist, and the lavender skirt hugged your curves nicely.

You had decorated your neck and ears with golden jewelry, and you had a pair of Air forces dangling from your left hand. You were beautiful, hair let free from the hair rollers, curls swaying as you did a twirl.

"It's alright, I guess." He pretended not to care, and your proud grin morphed into a frown pretty quickly, and he noticed.

He stood up and walked towards you, standing very close. His tall figure was hovering over you. Seokjin leaned forward towards your ear, not whispering this time,

"You're gorgeous." He pushed your curls behind your shoulder, adjusting your golden necklace as he returned to Yoongi's bedroom.

You were screwed.

The time on your phone showed 6:06 pm. You recall him saying ‘don’t be late’. What a hypocrite. It had started to pour down, so you were squeezed up against the brick wall of the restaurant so the ledge above you would shield you from the rain.

You were shaking from the cold, legs exposed because of your skirt. Sighing deeply, you reached down into your purse to text Taehyung, but when you looked up, you saw him running over to you.

He was holding a bouquet of pink delphinium and peonies. You’d always been interested in flowers, and this small gesture made you all fuzzy inside.

“I apologize for my late arrival m’lady. The flower shop was about to close down for the day, and I had to beg the cashier to let me in, promising to buy a huge bouquet if she did.” He smiled as he stood in front of you.

“No worries sir, I haven’t been waiting for long.” You chuckled, as you accepted the bouquet. His eyes scanned every inch of your body, and he said, “You’re shivering. Let’s go inside.”

This was a side of Taehyung you had barely seen before, caring and warm. This was also the side of him that initially made you fall for him.

The memories of him reading stories for children at the hospital was heartwarming. Whenever you went to visit your brother, who has now passed, you would see him read stories for all the unlucky kids.

Your brother, who was only 7 years old talked about Taehyung like a superhero, and it seemed as if Taehyung’s stories were the highlight of his days at the hospital.

Daejung wasn’t a kid you would pity. In his last months in the hospital he never once cried. You believed that Taehyung was a big part of the reason.

That’s why you fell in love with him. He hadn’t been a superhero in the form of saving lives, but he definitely made a whole lot of sick kids happier.

How could you ever repay him?

Taehyung rested a hand on your shoulder and lead you inside the door, and there stood a beautiful tall woman, black hair to her waist, almond-shaped eyes, and full lips.

She was beautiful. You looked up to see Taehyung’s reaction, and he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at you. His eyes met yours, and you could’ve sword the whole world stopped.

“Excuse me?” An unfamiliar voice spoke up, and it kicked you right back into reality. It was the pretty woman speaking, an even prettier voice to match her.

“Do you have a reservation?” She questioned, smiling so genuinely from ear to ear. “Yes. It’s on Kim.” Taehyung spoke so confidently.

“Ah, for two. I’ll be your server tonight.” She waved for you to follow her, and before she turned around, you saw her name tag.

Bae Eunmi. A pretty name for a pretty person. Of course, she had to be pretty. Your confidence sunk even lower, and your insecurities grew.

“I’m not interested in her, by the way. I’ve talked to her before. She’s all beauty and no brains. Not for me.” Taehyung whispered into your ear, possibly to reassure you.

You sat down at the table and ordered a huge plate of different types of sushi, maki, nigiri, uramaki, and even sashimi.

This restaurant was fancy, nearly too fancy for your liking. It was huge and flashy, and it made you doubt your outfit choice completely.

The restaurant fell silent since there weren’t many guests here this early. The silence wasn’t awkward between you guys. It was just, too silent, and you decided to break it.

“Do you still write stories?” Taehyung’s face froze. How did you know about the stories he wrote? Had you been stalking him? Was this when everyone would find out how weak he truly is?

“How did you find out... About them?” He asked hesitantly, fidgeting with a small woven basket with bread placed on your table.

“When sun and moon met, moon felt bad. When the moon was alone at night, he cried, because he wanted to shine just like the sun.” You quote his story word by word, it was your favorite paragraph.

He looked at you with a confused look and his eyes told you that he wondered why you knew the story so well.

Before he could speak up, you said, “My brother's name was Daejung. He looked up to you and constantly told me about how he wanted to be like you when he grew up.” You placed your hands on top of his over the table.

Taehyung was speechless. He sat there, body completely frozen as he processed what you just said. The little boy he had mourned for many months was the same flesh and blood as you.

“Daejung told me how he wanted me to marry you because he thought no one else deserved me.” Letting go of his hands, he continued sitting completely still.

First, he felt disappointed in himself. Disappointed of the way he had treated you, how sad Daejung would be if he knew.

Second, he could see him in your traits. Your button nose matched his completely, and your eyes sparkled just the way his eyes did.

Third, he realized he had to take care of you. Fall in love with you, for Daejung. Taehyung had promised the little boy to take care of his friends and family when he has at his worst.

His expression completely changed. It softened, and his eyes looked at you like you were godsent. He believed you were too. It was fate.

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a/n: u guys know the angst isn't over lol u guys r never gonna see the light at the end of the tunnel ! this chapter was originally a bit longer but i have to test the waters and seeing how u guys like it !! pls reblog <3