#bc knowing myself they probably wont

[sorikkung]

people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh

[cardos-talking]

every time i finish a piece i want to fckn drop art... even if i want to draw, this shit is so discouraging for some reason, it's been months and im tired

---

found this post in my drafts from april i think? but i still feel it so much, nothing has changed. idk why i keep drawing, just bc i have nothing else to do and i feel guilty to waste all those years i spent learning? idk. lately for some reason every small thing feels like a kick in the gut and i've been contemplating about stopping for a while. and considering health issues every art feels like the last now

I never feel like i belong anywhere, in any fandom i like, in any group that i might be invited to... it makes me feel a bit nicer when someone says that my art cheered them up a bit or sth but it's so temporary :( i miss the days when my art alone made me a bit proud like hell yeah i drew that (which there wasn't much of them either)

before i started posting my art online, i was drawing very rarely and only for myself or that one "friend" who either ignored it or said like cool or sth and changed the topic. I absolutely hated what i do. I spend years to start loving my art, i like what i drew during that "offline" period now, i liked what i did at the time and much of my confidence was coming from online support. And now it's all just gone??? all those years, gone in a few weeks it's so dumb. Idk why i write this or why anyone would read this i'm just so done

gonna push myself and keep goin yet again i guess

[anyataylorjoys]

it sounds fake that there are normal people who are like "I'm going to start doing this" and then just sit down and do it without any issues but adhd cooked-brain folk have to get into a specific headspace no matter how intent you are in starting something...... wait where was I going with this... oh yeah and *gets distracted by images* OK NO IM GONNA DO IT NOW I SWEAR!! [hours pass] wtf how is it 3:30pm... where did I go for the last 3 hours?? ok lets try this again.

[finnpeach]

Hunt

(T/HRONE OF GLAS$ SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU HAVEN'T READ PAST Q/UEEN OF SHADOW$ BE WARNED!)

My love for R/owan is boundless, and the series would be infinitely better if he was sick.

This is a multi-part fic of A/elin and R/owan training on a mountain and YEAH! HE HAS A COLD!

not much sneezing yet but it will come I promise

likes comments reblogs always loved and giggled over <3

****

Aelin stalks through the underbrush with lethal silence. Leaves covered with dew from the early morning mist streak across her face, dotting her cheeks. Her prey, a mountain hare the size of her head, nibbles on the sparse grass a few yards away.

She knocks her arrow, slipping in a breath. She can’t wait to see the look on Rowan’s face when she brings back a hare this size. Slowly, she pulls the bowstring back, kissing against her face. The hare turns, startled, breaths coming fast. Now or never–

“hh’rZzSHHh’uh!” 

Aelin gasps at the sound that echoes around the mountain. It cracks like a whip, scaring even the crows nesting in trees. The hare takes off and she desperately releases the arrow after her prey. The point finds its home in the thick trunk of a tree rather than the soft neck of the hare.

There goes breakfast. Her stomach growls pitifully. Seething, she rises from the brush and goes to retrieve her arrow. 

Five minutes later, Aelin stalks back to the makeshift camp she and Rowan had assembled the night before. The Fae prince had forced her to run from the castle to these distant mountains, shifting in and out of her Fae form to master control, where he then informed her they would be camping for a week out in the elements. And she was to hunt their every meal in between training.

It was a pathetic time, especially with the rain that has settled across the mountain. Damp and cold to her bones, Aelin approaches their campsite. Rowan, appearing much drier than she, sits by the fire she had sparked earlier that morning. He looks oddly run down, like he hadn’t slept much the night before.

Aelin is sure he hadn’t. The mountains were too misty to sleep outside without waking up damp, so they had packed just one tent to keep their baggage light. Lying beside Rowan, last night she had been the private audience to his tossing and turning, grumbling, and finally his snoring. 

“You fucking bastard. You scared off breakfast,” she hisses as she approaches, throwing her bow and bundle of arrows down by the tent. Rowan does not look up from the dagger he cleans in his hands.

“And how – snf! – pray tell, did I scare breakfast from here?” He grumbles. Aelin catches the way he sniffles thickly, his nostrils twitching up with the force of it.

She drops her satchel, full of only a bundle of pathetic berries.  “You sneezed.” She tries not to give in the warmth that pools in her lower stomach at the memory of the sound. It’s the first time she had ever heard him sneeze, and she was not disappointed. “For someone so keen on silence, I expected you’d know how to sneeze more quietly.”

Rowan doesn’t even grace her taunting with a reply, or a snarl. He just continues rubbing a cloth down the length of his dagger. Strange. He must be feeling really tired if he didn’t bother to punish her for such a remark. 

She sits down across from the fire, on a log they’d rolled over so they didn’t sit on wet grass. Feigning interest in destemming the berries she’d picked, she studies him through the crackling flames. 

His white hair is loose around his shoulders, creating a curtain that shields the dark tattoo running along his tan face. The tips of his Fae ears poke out just behind the white strands. After weeks of training with him, sleeping out in the elements beside him, she’s learned that he prefers to tie his hair up. It’s so rare to see him with it down.

“More hand to hand combat training today, or magic training?” She asks, breaking the silence that is only marred by the crackling flames.

Rowan sets the dagger aside. “Your job was to hunt. And since you still haven’t caught anything, your job is still to hunt.” He settles his sharp green eyes on her, brows set. If he didn’t piss her off so much, she might actually tremble under his gaze.

She raises her palms in defeat. “Fine, fine. But if you sneeze and scare off my prey again, I won’t be sharing the catch with you.” Even if she’d very much like for him to sneeze again, she’d rather eat first.

In one swoop, she picks up her bow and arrows and satchel again before setting off. With her Fae senses, she could scent a herd of deer in the southwest. Now that would show Rowan. Perhaps she’d bring back a buck, and spear him with its antlers.

As soon as she leaves the camp, nearly out of earshot, she hears the same thunderstrike from before. Perhaps Rowan had been waiting for her to leave.

“hhzjHSHHhieWw!”

A shiver runs down her spine as more startled crows caw in the trees.

****

Two hours later, Aelin returns with a small doe slung across her shoulders.

It’s mid afternoon. She had been lucky a herd was still grazing so late in the morning down by the clearing. She’d been even luckier that Rowan had either gotten his sneezing under control, or learned how to be quiet, because nothing had startled her catch this time.

“Lunch,” she declares to Rowan, dropping the deer to the grass. He hasn’t moved from his spot by the fire. “Is served.”

“It was supposed to be– snf! Breakfast,” he mutters, reaching the dagger at his side from earlier. His voice sounds dulled, like he’s congested.

Aelin rolls her eyes. “Well, it’s not like you helped. And I got us a catch to last us days.” She pats the stomach of the doe proudly. It isn’t very old – there’s still a sprinkling of fawn spots across her back. Aelin feels a twang of guilt for not singling out an older one.

Rowan pinches the bridge of his nose, breathing through his mouth. Aelin hardly has time to prepare before he jerks down towards his crotch, a light mist spraying across his trousers.

“hiHh–... yHhZzSHhhyuu!” A familiar, rushing heat spreads through Aelin’s gut. She swallows, watching as he rubs his nose on his wrist and glares up at her. Is he going to get mad at her for his sneezing?

Rowan chooses not to comment on it, something Aelin is secretly grateful for. “You were– snf! instructed to catch something small. We’re moving camp this afternoon.” He angles the pommel of the dagger towards her.

“What?!”

“Rain is coming tonight and will flood this area. I told you this morning. And now you’ve wasted a young doe’s life.”

A flame of rage flickers to life inside her chest. This is all his fault. “Well, I wouldn’t have wasted jack-shit if you hadn’t ruined my catch earl–”

“Aelin,” he growls, a no-nonsense sound. The tips of his canines poke past his lips. Aelin shuts up immediately. 

He stands, crossing the camp in two strides, and shoves the pommel of the knife against her stomach. She glares beneath his gaze. “You missed the catch because you did not act fast enough. Now you can either carry the doe across the mountain, or… hhH—!” His breath snags, eyes looking off into the distance for a split second. Aelin’s heart hammers in her chest.

He quickly recovers and sniffs again, much to her disappointment, and focuses his gaze on her. “Or you can leave it and realise you wasted a young animal’s life for your pride.” 

Before she can retort, he turns on his heel and she offers a middle finger to his large, muscular back. 

As if sensing her, he says over his shoulder, “And– sNf!– pack up the tent.”

[uygfiug]

how do you people study through extreme exhaustion? bc thats what always gets me during the exams & i cannot keep doing this forever

[bunnihearted]

🦈2

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

in a very weird position where friends my age are starting to get married and i am close enough to be invited but not enough to be in the wedding party which i am cool with except for the only ppl i know who would be there Are in the wedding party which makes me. not super wanna be there lmao

[gibbearish]

idk, its just. like. a person comes up to you with their heart cradled in their hands. says it is broken, says it hurts. places it in your hands, asks you to please make it stop and trusts you to fix it. wouldnt you be scared, too? wouldn't you be haunted by visions of you tripping and shattering it beyond repair, of driving the thing thats hurting them even further down so that maybe no one can ever get it out, of someone in their deepest darkest moment trusting you with their life and you fucking it up? how could that ever feel like anything but defusing a bomb? trust is such a valuable thing, a powerful thing, a delicate thing, and the more you have the more you get given and the more careful you have to be with it because what if someday you drop it and break it and it turns out you never should have been given it in the first place. wouldnt you be scared?

[sdmsims]

yea i turned your werewolf into a yassified sphynxbeast. sorry

[nonnydog]

Do you guys ever think about love. (Obvious question)

I’m now about three months out from ending my first ever relationship. It was complicated and good and great and sad and all of the above—somewhat tragic, yet inevitable. (Yes it was a wlw relationship, to everyone asking.) I finally got my first kiss at the ripe age of 21, lol. And we’re coming up on what would’ve been our one year in Fall pretty soon.

But, on the opposite end now. . . I finally feel like I’ve lost feelings for that woman. She’s still my friend, but that romantic energy is gone. I got rid of it. So did she.

I have always had complicated feelings about romance. I never felt it was something necessary to fulfillment in life (im birom/bisexual, for context, but there was a period where I wondered if I was aro/ace or some unique combo). I really value my independence and being able to do what I want when I want to. I know this is sounding trademark commitment issues, but I think it’s more that I’ve realized that maybe a romantic, long-term relationship isn’t for me.

Obviously, I’m happy for all those who want to pursue romance and long-term stuff, etc. And I know there are less tight relationships—like, I really like the idea of having separate bedrooms. But for me. . . I’m not sure if that life, in general, is for me.

I’m not sure that I want to have to take another person’s wants and needs into consideration when thinking about moving places, buying things, etc. Issa lot. I have friends who love me. I have friends who hug me. Obviously, other things would be nice, but it’s not like I’d be without people or touch should I choose to not pursue a partner.

I feel things about those posts that say “are they too close to be friends? Or are you just not close enough to your friends?” I think we should all be closer to our friends. And romantic relationships are not paramount. They can be enhancing, but, imo, they should not make or break life.

I just don’t think romance should be assumed as a default thing. As something required for happiness. As something everyone is expected to do.

I could be wrong about my personal preferences here—or, they may change overtime. I’m not sure yet. Just thinking about love, and such, as of late.

[leroibobo]

sorry about all that. tbh i'm an -sraeli jew[ish-american] and i genuinely like going out of my way to argue with z-onists because i feel like i can understand how they think. part of the reason i started this blog was also because i wanted to make a database/"memorial" for all of these things i found out about palestine for myself to refer back to (and also bc i genuinely love looking stuff up about buildings and religious sites), so "inserting politics into my posts" is also probably a given in that sense, though i'm aware the issue those two people had was more with that they didn't "agree" with me than about my apparent lack of integrity. i run this blog for me, not to indoctrinate anyone into my belief system like i'm jim jones. i don't have enough "clout" to do that either even if i wanted to.

well, back to regular posts ig.

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

[orcelito]

God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.

[risingsunresistance]

i have GOT to figure out how to commission people without being forced to personally hand over my legal info, my Mental Problems will not let me do that

[musingmycelium]

. noncoherent but also thoughts

[transfemzedaph]

i should sleep but im a) thinking abt deleting all my writing again and b) thinking abt deleting the entire blog.