#bc of that class with my ex i have twice a week and i know they're probably judging what i say and making fun of me to their new friends

[dyketennant]

idk i think i should start masking again 🤠 (i mean the autism i already wear a face mask)

[izubabes]

OMG YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I ENJOY READING YOUR WRITING (WILL STAY AS ANON BC THIS IS AN NSFW REQ AND IM SHY :')) and since your requests are open here i am (◠‿・)—☆

scenario: them hooking up one time and her denying she liked it and avoiding him for weeks. then they run to each other in the campus, him dragging her to a vacant room smirking, she says "need something, haitani?" "you know exactly what I need”

and when it gets 🌶️🌶️ please add a scene where she says panting "this is a one time thing" he smirks while licking his fingers "liar."

THANK YOU BEFORE DHSKAK <3

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭!𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝: 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝? 𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝, 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐢-𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐈 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

The hot gossip on campus? Ran Haitani never goes after the same girl twice, no matter how much pleasure she brought him. As soon as he's satisfied, it's onto the next gorgeous gal who'll let him into their bed. He's known as a walking sex god; anyone would be blessed to have him stick his dick inside of them at least once. Charismatic and overwhelming handsome and Roppongi’s local celebrity? He was born lucky.

Rumor has it he fucked an entire sorority house, leading to their messy disbandment in which he was the sole reason to blame. He became the university’s resident fuckboy, the top dog who could anyone at his feet when he came calling. Word on campus always spreads like wildfire especially when it comes to the popular crowd and their colorful activities.

“Ran Haitani knows how to work those hips… He made me squirt all over him! He likes it messy.”

“Ran can last way longer than my ex did! I would ride him again, no questions asked.”

“Ran is such an animal in bed! He nearly broke my back, but it was sooo worth it. Rindou's dick game is just as powerful.”

“I heard Ran likes it rough, I would die for a chance to get in his pants, I know for a fact he’s packing!”

Ran Haitani is a menace. You never cared for the delinquent nor hearing the details of his vibrant sex life. You had shared a couple of classes previously, but you hated the way he had blatantly stared at you like he wanted to eat you. He never bothered to speak to you either, clearly too focused on other matters than to introduce himself properly despite the way he constantly ogled you.

If he wanted to waste his college career by fucking every set of pretty legs that caught his attention, let him do so. You promised yourself that you would never cross paths with either of the Haitanis, opting to indulge yourself in your studies in order to graduate on time rather than doting on men who would never want more than to hit it and ghost you afterwards.

Your roommate, Kana, interrupted your thoughts as she showed you an incoming group text on her phone. "Hey Y/N, did you hear the news? Ran and Rindou are having a kickback party at their place this weekend. Practically everyone on campus is going, girl! We should go enjoy ourselves for once instead of wasting our youth."

You rolled your eyes at the alluring suggestion, an overwhelming feeling of disgust arising in your gut. Any explicit mention of the Haitani brothers rattled your bones with pure distaste. "Kana, I could care less about what Ran Haitani does in his free time. The bastard is a walking petri dish of STDs... I do not want to associate with him if it isn't required."

Kana clung to your side, teary and pleading eyes burning a hole into your wavering ones. She could be incredibly convincing with her signature pouty expression and relentless begging. "Come on, girl! It'll be fun, I doubt we would run into them anyways, they have their own inner circle of friends. We're just going to blow off some steam."

"I guess it wouldn't hurt... What could possibly go wrong?"

Call it a momentary lapse in judgement, a lesson from the godforsaken universe, a form of cruel karma that would serve a humiliating reminder of your actions. Alcohol was not a factor in this situation, considering the fact you hated the bitter taste and the way it lingered in your gut like a sick feeling you couldn’t shake off. Kana had disappeared minutes after entering the house, claiming she would come back with a couple of drinks for the both of you.

Yeah, right.

The air in the living room was thick with perspiration, drunk bodies swayed to the beat of the music as People shamelessly made out against the walls, groping each other for the world to marvel at. It was too much, too noisy, not enough room for a single puff of oxygen to pass through your lungs and it was becoming increasingly overwhelming. You pushed through the crowd in an attempt to find Kana or a bit of space, desperation crawling up your spine as the area became more and more condensed, the grip you had on reality was spinning at a ridiculous speed and loosening further and further. You bumped into someone’s chest, knocking their drink onto the floor, as you immediately began sputtering apologies. “I’m so sorry!”

“Woah babe, are you okay?” Ran had struck up a conversation with you, noticing how uncomfortable you seemed in the crowd of drunk partygoers. He offered to help you find a quiet place to relax no matter how many times you tried to brush him off during the encounter. Despite how innocent his intentions may seem; you kept your guard up as a means to keep yourself safe.

You panted, frantically trying to calm the way your heart ravaged your body, threatening to burst out of your chest. “J-Just peachy, Ran. What do you want?”

Ran put the pieces together in a matter of seconds, tilting your chin up to gaze up at him. He was clearly worried, glancing over your features for any sign of injury or distress, which caught you off guard. “You’re not much of a party person, are you?”

“I am!” You scoffed at the statement, becoming more and more self-aware of how the crowd of guests kept growing by the second, practically pushing you against his body. “It’s just too noisy… Kana should be around here.”

“Come with me,” Ran said, tugging on your hand before you could object. His tender grip was soothing as he effortlessly weaved his way through the masses, practically parting the seas with his presence. "You're going to pass out if you stay here."

Reluctantly, you agreed after so many incessant requests, following him upstairs and disappearing into the sanctuary of his room, ignoring the lewd hollers coming from his friends down below. Ran gently ushered you in, closing the door and muffling out the sounds of the mayhem from downstairs. He began picking up the stray clothing littering the floor, kicking away notebooks and readjusting the furniture in his space.

“Sit anywhere you like, sorry about the mess. I try to keep it clean, but Rindou always wrecks my room when he’s—”

You crossed your arms over your chest, sitting on the farthest end of his room, refusing to acknowledge the concerned glance he gave you as you spoke up with a stern tone. “I’m not going to sleep with you if that’s what you’re thinking about. I just came up here to catch my breath, I just need a minute.”

“Chill out, babe. I’m not gonna touch you.” Ran laughed, holding his hands in the air as he seated himself on the carpeted floor. Your scrutinizing gaze lingered over his figure, His orchid irises skimmed over your body, curiously sizing you up before landing on your face, a mischievous grin creeped up his cheeks. “Unless you want me to.”

You clicked your tongue at his comment, narrowing your eyes at him before shaking your head at the thought. Sure, he was attractive but you would rather stick your hand in a blender than become one his new sexual adventures. “In your dreams, Haitani. God knows how high your body count is.”

He placed a hand over his heart, feigning being gravely wounded by your words. A flicker of genuine hurt washed over his eyes, quickly replaced by a mischievous one in its stead. “You’re so mean to me, Y/N. I’m just trying to be nice. Let’s get to know each other better, yeah? I promise I don’t bite, cutie.”

An hour later you discovered that Ran Haitani is actually a fun person to talk to once you get used to his childish antics, he’s easygoing, speaks his mind freely but he will push your buttons with little comments and banter here and there. He refused to leave your side despite the many times you reassured him you were okay, arguing that he would be a rude host for leaving a lady alone.

You found yourself nearing his space, scooting closer and closer to his side as the conversation picked up momentum, Ran was currently sharing stories about Rindou’s most embarrassing moments throughout the semester. Particularly the time his brother accidentally keyed the wrong car on campus. “Oh my god, no fucking way. He did not!”

“Yes, he did!” Ran cackled, holding onto his stomach as he fell back onto the ground. His deep voice was melodic, a fine tune that you wanted to hear more of as the time passed. “Our professor was so pissed, he threatened to report him to the Dean of Student Life for damage of private property unless he helped cover half of the cost.”

“You know, I may not like you but you are nice company to have around.”

“Ouch,” Ran mused, pinching your cheek in return for the brutal remark. “You may be adorable but you’re vicious, Y/N.”

You slapped his hand away, continuing the relentless teasing unaware of the predatory glance Ran kept locked on your figure. “Aw, poor thing. Did I hurt your feelings, Ran? Are you going to punish me?”

Ran pinned you onto the ground, his towering figure hovering over your powerless one. He had trapped you so easily, it would be pointless to resist or fight back. His lips tugged up into a smug little grin at the way you squirmed underneath him. “You shouldn’t play with fire, sweetheart.”

"I'm not afraid to get burned, Ran."

It was supposed to be a teasing little peck, a tiny shred of revenge for the stunt he had just pulled moments ago. However, Ran Haitani’s soft lips are a sickly sweet drug, one that you craved the taste as soon as he pressed them against yours. He pulled you onto his lap, cock growing hard at the way you rutted your hips over his thigh. He pulled away, catching his breath before lightly squeezing on your waist. “How far do you wanna go, babe?”

You gripped his hand, bringing it under your skirt to rub at your clothed slit, panties dripping with your arousal. Ran groaned at the heat radiating on his fingertips, ready to blow his load into his pants right then and there. You licked a wet stripe on the shell of his ear, hot breath tickling the sensitive skin. "Does this answer your question?"

You found yourself in the stranger's bedroom, practically having the daylights fucked out of your body. Wet kisses and high pitched moans were drowned out by the blaring music coming from the raging party downstairs. Here you are, sleeping with the one person you swore to stay away from, what a fucking hypocrite. "Take it, baby! O-Oh fuck, this pussy is so tight for me, yeah?”

Ran Haitani was definitely not splitting you open with his cock, mumbling endless praises into your delicate skin, rubbing your sensitive clit just right when you were on the edge of an earth-shaking orgasm. He was different from all of your previous hookups, the ones who simply focused getting their dicks wet and left you unsatisfied in return. Ran had made your pleasure his priority, he treated your body like fine art, appreciating every curve, every sweet cry of his name, every delicious moan that escaped your mouth. "Make me cum, Ran. M'close, please, please... ah!"

Ran had gently cleaned you up afterwards, helped you put your undergarments back on, placed sweet kisses on your blushing cheeks and softly cradled you in his arms. Exhaustion made it impossible for you to fully process what just happened, choosing to lull you into sleepy trance. You had nearly believed what had happened was a twisted dream until you woke up with both of your limbs entangled with one another.

Ran’s sleepy breaths tickled the nape of your neck as you carefully slid out of the bed, piecing together the memories from last night. “No, no, no. This cannot be happening… not with him.”

The dim light of your cellphone illuminated the corner of Ran’s bedroom. You silently raced over and retrieved the device, skimming over the notifications that appeared on the screen as the dread from last night began to sink in. You slept with Ran. You fucked Ran. You hooked up with Ran. You were in Ran's bedroom.

15 missed calls from Kana.

50 text messages from Kana.

10 missed FaceTime calls from Kana.

The soft pads of your feet echoed the room as you gathered your belongings, being careful to not wake the sleeping figure that once laid next to you. Last night was never supposed to happen, especially with someone like him, the horny bastard who slept with anything that breathed. You contemplated what excuse to give Kana for not answering last night, knowing she would demand details regarding your whereabouts.

"Leaving so soon, gorgeous?" Ran's sleepy yawn cut through your thoughts, a lazy grin occupying his face. His raging bedhead was a beautiful sight to see, his dual-colored strands framed his face perfectly, free of the iconic braids he normally sported. A pair of grey sweatpants hung dangerously low on his hips, the dark ink on his chest was on full display contrasting against his porcelain skin. “We should spend some more time together. I had fun last night.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Haitani.” you muttered. It was too early in the morning to handle his merciless teasing as the embarrassment began to pool in your gut. The lack of light in the room made it nearly impossible to find your shirt, you settled on a nearby sweatshirt that could cover your exposed chest. There was no way you would admit to someone as prideful as Ran that he was the best man you had ever laid with. “You could barely make me cum. I had to do all the work.”

“Oh?” Ran's curiosity spiked at the statement, his inflated ego bruised from your verbal assault, it would be awful of him to leave you so bothered with his actions. Honestly, he really wanted you to stay so you could both talk things out properly. “Give me another chance, see if that changes your mind.”

“No thanks,” You replied, stalking towards the door and leaving him in the dust. “I have better things to do than fucking you.”

Ran has never been left more stunned and frustrated in his entire life.

Shit, where did she go?

Ran caught glimpses of you in between lectures but you always skittered away too quickly as soon as the class ended. His legs couldn’t keep up with the sudden turns in direction you made once he caught your trail. He begged Rindou for help on searching for you to which he immediately declined, citing the previous times he was bitched at by his brother's past flings. The utter desperation on his older brother's face eventually made him cave into his wishes, knowing he could never leave him to hang dry.

“This is fuckin’ stupid,” Rindou grumbled from his location in the bushes, he had already wasted twenty minutes of his life helping Ran with this idiotic situation only to receive no results. "Have you ever thought about... Oh, I don't know. The fact that she's not into you?"

Ran shushed him, rebuking the foul idea that you didn't reciprocate his feelings. Call it a spark, or something similar, but he knew there was a hidden motive behind your avoidance. Ran knew you had enjoyed your time together as much as he did, why were you so quick to deny it?

"Quiet, Rindou. I need to see her again. I can't explain how or why but she definitely stole my heart."

"Whatever you say, bro. Better be worth it if you're chasing after her like this."

The brothers hid in the bushes for three hours, declaring defeat after university police threatened to arrest them for loitering. Rindou could have sworn he caught a passing glance of you discreetly walking out of the residence hall as they were scolded by the officials and escorted to their own building. He shot you a pissed off glare while you picked up the pace, subtly flicking him off in the distance, Ran was too busy sweet talking the officer to notice.

Ran can go to hell...

You had begun escaping the dorms at odd hours in order to avoid running into Ran, knowing he would surely come knocking on your door. You hid in the library for hours until you were sure he wasn’t lurking around campus after classes had ended. You avoided the dining hall despite how hungry you became, opting to walk to the shady convenience store nearby for some food.

It was pure agony to have one stupid decision ruin your life like this. What does he want? You have nothing to offer him.

You learned a painful lesson over the past few weeks: Ran Haitani never gives up when he finds something he wants. He learned your class schedule and waited near the doors to see if he could catch you on the way out. When you failed to appear he decided to head back, until he recognized one of the students as your roommate, who had left you for dead at the party. “Hey, you.” He called out, catching her wrist as she paced faster at the sound of his voice. “Is Y/N in your class? Was she here today?”

“She’s not feeling well,” The girl lied through her teeth, unwilling to entertain the older Haitani's antics. Ran wasn't buying it, noting the way she fidgeted under his piercing gaze. She spoke again, adding more details to her explanation. “She’s missed the last three days of class.”

Ran sighed, caving into defeat once again for another day. He would stop by your dorm again tonight to confirm if you really were sick, ready to receive radio silence from the other side of the door once more. He turned his back to her, waving as he walked away before adding, “If you see her around, let her know I need to talk to her.”

“He’s gone,” Kana whispered into the classroom, scanning the hallway once more for good measure before calling you over. Your panicked head peeked out of the side of the doorframe, “It’s okay to come out, Y/N.”

A relieved breath of air escaped your lips as you stepped out of the classroom. “Thank you, Kana. I owe you one.”

“No worries, girl.” She smiled, leaning in close to whisper in your ear. “I wouldn’t want Ran Haitani on my tail either. He’s bad news.”

The words she spoke held truth to them, but they left a bitter taste in your mouth. Sure, Ran Haitani doesn’t have the best reputation, known for owning Roppongi, carrying a menacing baton with him at all times, and being a member of the notorious S-62 Generation.

Even so, he had a gentle side he had given you a moment to relish in.

Hiding from Ran was a feat you knew you couldn't keep up forever. Unfortunately, the following day was the destined date you were meant to run into the menace. You had spotted him heading towards the same building as you, presumably for a class around the same time, before stopping in your tracks and dropping your books onto the concrete. "Oh my fucking god, not now."

The abrupt noise caught his attention as he raced over to your panicking figure. You violently picked up your textbooks and speed walked towards the steps leading to the entrance. His long hair flowed freely in the wind, reminding you of the time you woke up next to him, he must have gotten up late this morning considering the fact he only had on sweats and a loose tee shirt.

“Y/N!” Ran called out, chasing after your distant figure before completely catching up within a couple strides. He was over the moon, the subtle giddiness in his voice gave it away. “I've been looking for you. You free tomorrow—?”

“Busy,” you replied curtly, ignoring the way he instantly pouted at your words. He opened his mouth to speak again just as you ruthlessly cut him off. “I’m late for class.”

Playing hard to get? Two can play at that game.

The lecture hall’s doors opened, signaling the end of the class period. Ran was leaning against the wall, violet eyes scanning the crowd of departing students until he locked his gaze with you. He could the hear the melodic sound of your voice piercing the air as you made conversation with one of your classmates.

“The final project is worth twenty percent of our final grade? I wish we could work independently instead of having to— Hey! What’s—!? Ran, let me go!”

He tugged on your arm, dragging you through the hallway before pushing you into an empty classroom, discreetly locking the door behind him. He freed your arm from his grip as you backed several feet away, embarrassed as hell from the stunt he just pulled. You narrowed your eyes at him, displeasure evident from the way your lips pursed at his growing smirk. His intense stare reflected nothing but pure unadulterated bliss, damn maniac. “Need something, Haitani?”

“You know exactly what I need, baby.”

Instictively your mind raced to the only possible conclusion: He wanted one more chance to hook up with you. Surely that was the reason he was seeking you out so desperately. Public humiliation must be some sadistic kink of his considering how much he loved to toy with your life. The thought of it ignited a blazing fire in your bones, manifesting as pure venom in your words. “If you want some quick pussy, I’m not the only girl on campus—”

“You haven’t left my mind since the night of the party,” Ran stated, cutting you off just like you did earlier. “I miss you, baby.”

A frustrated sigh escaped your mouth, he didn’t make an ounce of sense. “For all but pure reasons, I assume?”

“Sit on the table, we need to talk.” Ran ordered, biting back a sinister smile at the way you obediently followed his instructions. “Admit it,” He demanded as he stalked towards your shorter figure, caging you in between his arms and peering down at your flustered face. “You’ve been avoiding me, huh?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you answered. The standoffish front you had so meticulously put up was beginning to crumble under his domineering aura. Ran Haitani was a notorious playboy, you knew that by heart, it would be ridiculous to believe he could actually be bothered by someone ghosting him after a quick hookup. “We hardly know each other.”

Untrue, Ran had first noticed you in a previous class of his, he nearly failed the course because he too enthralled by your beauty to focus on whatever the professor was babbling on about. He admired the way your notes were always neat, the way you always walked in with a sweet smile, the way you apologized when you ran late, the way you offered to send notes to absent classmates who needed to catch up with the material.

Unbeknownst to you, Ran had always admired you from afar, silently waiting to find the right moment to approach you. A secret crush that weighed heavy in his heart until he mustered up the courage to properly confess. Unfortunately, skirt chasing had become his rumored profession after a previous fling of his caught feelings and wanted to spite him for not reciprocating. Ran had overheard your conversation with Kana in the hallway about the party, he was secretly hurt knowing you viewed him in such a negative light.

“That’s the issue, babe.” Ran said, cupping your cheek, stroking the supple flesh with his thumb. “I wanna get to know you better, Y/N. I want you to get to know the real me, too.”

You examined his alluring features; it was second nature to be able to spot of lie from a mile away. Ran was being truthful; his orchid irises bore into your eyes with such a lustful craving that it drove you absolutely insane It was difficult to tell who had made the first move but the tension between you two boiled over in an instant. Ran’s lips trailed down your neck, teeth nipping at the skin ferociously in order to leave long lasting marks. He wanted to make sure the next person who had the chance to touch you knew you had belonged to him. “Do you want this?”

As if the incessant nodding of your head wasn’t enough to send a clear message, you crashed your lips against his again. “I need to hear you say it,” Ran said, pulling away from your needy mouth to hear some kind of verbal confirmation. “Do you want to keep going?”

“This is a one time thing,” You panted in between heated kisses, removing your shirt and bra as fast as you could. Ran’s hands roamed your body finding solace until they reached the fabric of your shorts, tugging the material and your panties down before sliding in two of his slender fingers, scissoring you open as your rich moans tumbled past your lips.

“Liar.” Ran smirked, licking his glistening fingers coated in your dripping arousal. He knew you had become putty in his hands, willing to do anything he said in order to selfishly chase after your own high. “Wanna take my time with you, but we gotta do this quick,” He said, leaning down to lap at your cunt, the sensation of his tongue invading your body made you delirious.

“Right there,” You whined, craving more of the delicious feeling, his fingers curled inside you, hitting the spongy bundle of nerves that has your vision turning white and babbling nonsense. “F-Faster, oh fuck!”

“Say this pretty pussy is mine,” Ran hummed breathlessly, detaching his hand from your twitching clit, slowing his pace enough to edge you on the brink of release. “Or I won’t let you cum.”

“You’re such an asshole,” you whined, bucking your hips up in an effort to receive some necessary friction. His fingers stilled inside you, refusing to move unless you did as you were told. The ache in between your legs begged to be taken care of, you could feel the stings of your incoming high fading away as the seconds passed. “Fine! It’s all yours, Ran! Fuck, s’all yours.”

“Good girl,” Ran muttered before diving back into your wet folds as his skilled tongue continued its assault on your aching core, coaxing you into your first orgasm of the afternoon. He eagerly drank up your sweet release, loving the way your gummy walls constricted around his mouth. His violet irises peered up at your pleasured expression, engraving the sight into his mind. “That’s right… You only cum for me, princess.”

He gave you only a minute to recover as you watched him free his thick cock from the restraints of his sweatpants, lining up with your entrance. His thick head prodded at your cunt; he slowly pressed the tip inside, stopping as soon as he saw your eyes screw shut in pleasure. Ran's hand harshly gripped at your chin, tilting it upwards to face him. “Keep your eyes on me while I fuck you properly.”

“Feels good, so good– oh god!” You gripped his toned arm, head swaying side to side as he stretched you open with his girth, bottoming out as your walls fluttered around his pulsating length. Ran kissed you with a burning passion you had never experienced before. It wasn’t needy, it was loving, sensual and sweet.

“You’re so beautiful,” He praised, setting a steady pace with each snap of his hips, watching the way your pretty tits bounced up and down as he sank his cock into your folds. Ran's self-restraint was out the window as soon as he bottomed out inside, ramming into you mercilessly as your nails dug into his back. "Gonna make a mess."

“Ran! Oh yes, Ran!”

He clamped a hand over your mouth, muffling the erotic cries of pleasure erupting from your throat. The angelic symphony of his name brought him closer and closer to his high, grunting and groaning as your gummy walls clenched around his length. Your whimpers echoed within the classroom as Ran's warning penetrated your ears. “Keep quiet, sweetheart. We don’t wanna get caught.”

Having someone walk in and find the both of you in this comprising state didn't sound half-bad, if anything it only you more insatiable. The tight coil in your gut snapped without warning, allowing you to gush all over Ran's dick as he marveled at the sight. “I’m close, darling… shit, stop squeezing like that. Need to pull out!”

Ran sprayed his cum all over your thighs and tummy, in love with the image of you marked with his seed. He reached for nearby cloth to wipe you down, muttering apologies about how he made a mess. At the moment, you were too fucked out to care about whatever the hell he was going on about. The room kept spinning in circles, the air was thick with sex and sweat, his words barely sounded coherent in your mind. “R-Ran, hang on. I... need a minute.”

You both basked in the afterglow of your highs, uneven breaths becoming stable after a couple of minutes. The light in your eyes finally returned after what seemed like an eternity, consciousness clearing enough to form proper thoughts, realization hitting that you had just fucked inside an empty classroom on campus.

“Hey there,” Ran whispered, slowly grounding you back into reality. His hands rubbed soothing circles into your twitching thighs, massaging the skin with his palms. It was a sweet gesture after he brutalized your body in a span of twenty minutes. “Are you good, sweetheart? I went rougher than I thought, sorry.”

“You did so well for me,” He pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, heart leaping at the way you wrapped your arms around his neck, craving his warm embrace. Ran indulged your neediness, nuzzling his warm cheek against yours, adoring the way your chest felt pressed against his, heartbeat erratic as he calmed you down. “You’re so cute.”

“Let me help you get dressed,” He said, reaching for the stray clothing before coming in contact with a white sticky substance staining the material. It was then that he noticed it was the same cloth he had used to clean you up earlier. “Your shirt’s covered in— oh, my bad.”

“Are you serious, Ran? You’re buying me a new one.” You snapped, snatching it out of his grasp, irritated with the fact he had just ruined one of your favorite tops. “I have a sweater in my backpack, can you please get it?”

Ran recognized the oversized clothing, it was the one he had spent the past few weeks wrecking the entire house for. He had ultimately blamed Rindou for losing it despite his constant denial he always shot back regarding the godforsaken clothing. “Is this my hoodie?”

You had forgotten that you had stolen it the first time you fucked Ran. Of course, there was no way to lie out this situation without looking completely stupid. You jerked the material over the upper half of your body, ignoring the way his devilish grin grew wider by the second. “D-Don’t get the wrong idea, Haitani. I was going to return it.”

Ran shook his head in response, admiring the way it found its new proper place on your figure. He wanted to see you in more of his clothes, practically drooling at the thought of it. “Keep it, sweetheart. It suits you.”

“Your hair’s all fucked up,” You mumbled, focused on his tousled strands as a way to ignore the blazing heat rising in your cheeks. A curious hand reached out to toy with the strands around his face, it was soft to the touch, silky and smooth. “Can I braid it?”

“Go for it,” Ran grinned, eager to receive more of your attention as he pulled up a chair. The words you had muttered earlier lingered in his mind, eating away at his bleeding heart. “Did you mean what you said?” He asked as your eyes sent him a curious look, “About this being one time thing, I can respect that.”

“No,” You admitted, gently running your fingers through his hair, beginning the styling process. The bittersweet expression on his face tangled your heartstrings more than expected. Pushing him away did you no good, it only hurt both of you in the end. “I don’t know why I said that. People talk, you know? I’m scared of what rumors I’ll get roped into.”

“I like you,” Ran blurted out, slightly surprise with how quickly he was confessing despite constantly fighting back the urge. He always crumbled under your presence; it was difficult to think clearly when all he wanted was to have you at his side. “Can we try to work something out? If you want to, of course.”

“I like you too, idiot.” you laughed, securing the final braid with an elastic hair tie. You placed a fleeting peck on his cheek, avoiding the stunned expression on his face. “All done. Wanna watch a movie at my dorm?”

Ran leaned in close, an unsettling glint flickering in his captivating orbs. “One condition. Can I cuddle you?”

“Wow, you're such a softie!” You squealed, pinching his cheek as he rolled his eyes at the very true statement. Ran laced his fingers with yours, bringing them up to his lips and placing a soft kiss on your knuckles. “Just for you, sweetness.”

You slid off the table, stumbling a few feet forward as your legs attempted to stabilize themselves after being brutalized by Ran's passionate lovemaking. There was no way you would be able to walk properly without getting a few questionable stares from fellow students and staff. "This is your fault, Ran."

Ran fought back a laugh, leaning down and positioning himself to receive your body weight. "I know. Hop on my back, pretty. I can piggyback you in style."

A scarlet blush adorned your cheeks as you rejected the offer, a mix of self-consciousness nipped at your spine along with pure humiliation. "Oh hell no! You're going to break your back hauling me halfway across campus."

“How else am I going to take you to your dorm?”

"This is embarrassing..." You whispered, hiding your face in his neck as he lead you out the doors while you were perched on his body. A couple of students stopped in their tracks to get a double take of the scene in front of them, pulling their phones out to record and share amongst the others. “People are staring, Ran!”

"Relax babe." Ran smiled before sprinting across the pavement as you let out a surprised scream. His large hands kept a secure grip on your thighs, reassuring you that he wouldn’t drop you. His amused laughter rang in your ears as he ran across campus like an idiot in love. "I was born with long legs for a reason!”

The hot gossip on campus, you ask? Ran Haitani has a girlfriend.

[cerealmonster15]

Actually fuck it whatveer I’m In A State I’m gonna post this Leona/cater + third years drama idea I had too. It’s not a fic but I was very much outlining something I probably could write with this much intensity. Copy pasted from my docs and only edited autocorrect typos (this was also over a year ago):

Uhhh drama soap operas are all I know and the only context I can picture Leona and cater together in , bc the concept is very weird and ridiculous lol. So the backstory is that at some point leona and vil dated briefly and broke up (divorced lol) and it’s currently their third year blah blah whatever. Cater has a crush on vil, everyone knows it, same as every au lol.

Uhhh cater and Leona don’t really interact too much but sometimes cross paths just cuz cay helps riddle and trey with dorm things and Leona’s a dorm leader I guess, technically, lol. Also they’re on their dorms spelldrive teams apparently so hmmmmmm

I think some almost bonding would be Vargas pairing Leona and caycay up for flying drills and Leona doesn’t really give a shit and cay doesn’t like getting sweaty, but he’s also gotta give a real attempt bc he already got in trouble that one time he used his clones to cheat at running lol. And cay is canonically good at flying and well balanced so I think he does the drills smoothly and kinda shows off bc he’s cater lol. Maybe eggs on Leona with some competitive jabbing to get him to move lol. Leona says cay has some decent broom moves, whatever , class ends who cares.

Fast forward to whenever, I like the idea of doofy teens having to take formal dance lessons for no reason other than fanfic purposes I could use Halloween 2 bc characters actually danced together in that one in their card stories , but that was like voluntarily and I do not think Leona would dance with anyone voluntarily (I don’t know if he did. I don’t think I read his card story lol).

So anyway. Something something formal event something something boys gotta take dance classes in school.

Cay and Leona are paired up.

Cater is surprised Leona already knows the steps smoothly and is a good lead! Leonas like 😒 I’m literally a prince , obviously I had to learn stuffy things like this growing up 🙄

And caters like how the hell am I supposed to know what princes do in their spare time lol

They dance together that whole week bc they r partners , there’s mild banter, at some point caycay is staring longingly at vil and Leona’s like “u have predictable and bad taste” and caters like “what!!! Idk what u mean!!! 😳” but then is like “wait but u dated vil. Does that mean U have bad taste like me lol” and Leona’s like 😒 not anymore.

I think they’d keep that like, light banter while dancing til the last day and then like. Tbh. I don’t think they’d date I think they’d just hook up once or twice and like be really awkward about it after. So now the drama is caycays got a crush on vil and then vaguely hooked up with his ex and now there’s just tension all around. Does vil know? Idk but rook probably does. No one has to tell him he just figures it out himself bc he is rook and he is all knowing and also very perceptive. Does he tell vil? I dunno but I think he’s in love with vil and wants to also have a teenager one night stand with vil’s ex lol. It’s messy!!!

I was gonna say maybe trey and Jade can get together on the side since they were who I originally wanted to doodle 😒 but also I feel like this drama means no one can be at peace for long.

Wait no I remembered more vague lore. I hunk vil does find out Leona and cay had a thing briefly, and he’s like , grouchy and petty about it in this au lol. The real vil would probably just move on and not care but this is soap opera drama. Also vil almost poisoned someone in canon so I think I am allowed to bend things as much as I want. Anyway vil finds out and is like I see how it is. And he asks cater on a date 😱

Caycays like omg ya. But also it’s awkward now bc he was with Leona and now he’s with vil and they’re divorced and he’s caught up in it all. Maybe he’s all angsty like wtf are they both just using me to make each other mad. I’m goin 2 go complain and cry 2 my bestie trey !!!

Ok im tired now idk what happens after that 😴

[skippyv20]

Most Random Church Wedding Rant

In regards to the Britney church wedding story. A little background on moi. My parents immigrated from another country and were placed with a sponsor family in the middle of nowhere po dunk town one stop sign kind of place USA.

So growing up parents allowed us to go to church to integrate us better I guess even though it was not the religion they practiced themselves. 

I remember attending church twice a week and even going to church camp. After the last church camp I was baptized right before I was a teen. Our family moved out of state to a bigger city afterwards and we didn't get to attend any church after that.

Well fast forward to me getting married in my husband's hometown. We consulted the priest at the catholic church. They wanted my docs. I didn't have anything official and it was so long ago. I researched and found out the church I was baptized at closed and the priest there passed away decades ago. 

The only proof I had was an engraved bible they gave me when I was baptized at that time. It didn't have the correct spelling of my name (as I said parents were immigrated so we had some long unpronounceable legal names where they often gave us nicknames for their convenience) I even produced pictures of us at the church camp, the baptism and written statements from my fam, but nope.

The priest told me I had to go through the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults process. After I completed that we as a couple had to go through pre-cana which is basically pre-marriage counselling through the church.

I was really upset at first, but didn't mind it a few weeks in bc I was able to gain better understanding of the teachings from what I had a distant memory of as a kid to now as an adult.

This brought back memories of not only my experience, but a friend of mine who was Methodist was getting married at the same time and she called me upset bc the church her catholic hubby wanted to get married in the big city declined to marry them they felt they only wanted that church for it's aesthetics. Then they passed the word quickly so by the time they went back to little town catholic church her husband's family attended they declined them as well. 

No, you're not supposed to be able to marry in catholic church if one is divorced. I vaguely remember how upset you were that Boris Johnson, twice divorced was able to marry in a Catholic church when you weren't able to. The excuses made for him when we all know it comes down to money, but then I wonder what Britney's situation is. An all around IDK WTH is going on in the world anymore I guess. 

Thank you….I had to track down my original birth certificate from the province I was born in, in those days via horse and buggy mail😂😂😂😂it only turned up a couple of weeks before the wedding…I had requested it about 10 months before. I also had to attend what was called “inter-faith” marriage classes, and our parents had to meet with the priest and my parents had to give me permission to marry (I was 19)….my ex and I were not allowed to attend the meeting. As for your friend, I can see the church doing that, especially of years go. As for Boris, yes…now you got me going again….thank you, great rant🙂❤️❤️❤️❤️

[bisluthq]

Taylor rn reminds me of a girl that was home schooled (or had extreme helicopter parents) in their first semester at college. Oh like I pay for my own food? I can choose what I want to eat and do? No one knows if I miss class? Like I find it kind of endearing bc she’s not really acting like a celeb (rather a high on life fan girl) but the novelty will for sure wear off and she’ll be like ooofff cringeeeeee

idk if that’s what she reminds me of at all - she reminds me like someone who just went through a divorce that she was very ready for. I have this friend who’s not legally married but whose relationship really sucks atp and they’re in the process of ending it and she’s spoken to me multiple times about how when he moves out, she wants me to get her on the apps and also like all the things she wants to do: she is like “and you’ll invite me out more with your other friends right? We can go CLUBBING” (I’m like “I don’t go clubbing, my friends and I tend to go to bars/restaurants/art galleries on launches tbh so I don’t think I’ll do that with you but it’s cool you want to”) and she’s said like she wants her next relationship and her to travel much more (her current bf runs a very large chain of small niche shops which has been expanding really rapidly and which he is really busy with so no they don’t travel beyond overnight trips to like cute countryside places and even that like they only did the once or twice) and she wants to be taken on Dates™️ and like she can’t really afford their place on her own (which he’s pointed out and is why he’s still there lol) but she’s said she’s worked out 3 months where she won’t need a roommate after he goes and she has all these plans now for having girl friends come stay and like have little staycation/visits and all this shit that she hasn’t really done much for the last 4 years while they were together. She doesn’t have a Matty to motivate her but when she’s done with this I’m absolutely sure she will want to do the stuff she wants to do. And that’s the vibe I get from Taylor - she’s a girl going through a divorce.

that said, sometimes that kind of thing works out. A very casual friend of mine met her now husband on at apps on her first week being on them after the ex was gone. But I think most of this is just her being excited she’s no longer with someone it wasn’t working with.

[pinkadork]

Im fine

Its not like ive been setting myself up what feels like forever to both really and also i guess not at all always be in the cycle im in. The predestined fuck up ig my moms a fuck up

Im a fuck up

I cant stay a job apparently

I’m too scared of every if and but when it comes to trying it to be creative and do things like i used too, nowadays i feel like its tainted because im not even finna be doing it because i like it anymore, but instead just proving i didn’t give up, when i did

I was tired, emotionally drained, put in a position i nor anyone really asked for but guess whose grandparents this belonged to

Im not a fucking mistake or a right person wrong time

I am a nigga thats has been struggling and it was before you sure but everyone in the fuck ass house kept trauma bonding new and old covid didnt fucking help.

How the fuck are we fucking but aint no protection or immediate showers available

How am i toxic for not wanting what felt like more like a: fuck my poor ass boy friends and dementia ridden grandparents( and while its not anyones job to guide me if we in a relationship and you feel some way say some shit some how ) the weirdest ( but unfortunately not worst) living situation ive been in, the deepest most confusing, loving yet infuriating, real yet faux ass relationship ive had with anyone.

Like even now I physically am sick to my stomach about the idea or notion of again my ex, someone who has dumped me like at least twice since July and lowkey high key didnt even count it it was like a secret trial i failed because ofc im not sure of you actually love me mr. I tell the world you beat me but sure we can play minecraft

Fucking the part the gets me the most about this is i know you know how i feel and its just

I feel set up

Like genuinely not just the relationship shit

And im not gonna act like i dont play my role in shit and attribute a lot to the shit that get me and others where we are but jfc im tired

I’m not the brightest bulb but im not a fucking dumbass

And i did more than read the room, i saw the patterns, felt the vibe shifts, and tried so fucking hard.

Its sad whatever im pathetic but i think i knew without saying it (and even saying this it doesnt mean all the people out with then bc some are still here and we cool but fucking) My ex was the realest mf i had in my circle, and which is probably why its hard being like man aint no fucking way we went out like that. Im not for the see you in a few years shit, im not for the go fuck around like i aint give my heart, i was (am) a dumb nigga that went to to college before dropping out after missing all my classes so i could be attached virtually at the hip to them

Its not their fault and for years i didnt feel that at all.

But the second i saw that they felt like they wasted so much on me and this that whatever man my blood got to boiling on some seafood type shi

Its like

You can do evil

They can do evil

And be vindicated and justified in ya own right because in ya head this is just karma and you standing up for ya self and

Then its like i do evil snd immediately fold because i aint mean shi

Nigga got slammed by me 2 or three times

And everytime it was some bs

I let you convince i was being an ass for feeling threatened because " weight and height and muscle” but fucking niggas never care about perspectives

Yeah we are arguing

Yeah im loud, which is infuriating because my usual everyday speaking voice whether it because i subconsciously (now very actively) am aware of how loud i can be, is actually very quiet and i tend to have to repeat myself and even did to my ex because yeah

Fuck im so high man

Its been awhile since i ran out of actual medicine

Like i feel like ive said its been like two weeks for like a month now.

Now i gotta go through new everything, finding insurance, therapy, reassessments, medication changes, so much has happened and yet nothing has, i got fired today, i think, i mean i definitely got the text “Your assignment is finished do not return anymore” but this is the first temp agency really that ive been at , its just like

Like that?

Its kinda how sudden i end up either in or out of someones life, ex, family, friends

Sometimes i feel like ive been so many different me’s and am constantly “coming of age” (metaphorically speaking or in case thats ominous still, like i feel like i do in fact get older but do to circumstance, bad choices, and a lot of fuckening, i very much am learning alot of basic shit i shouldve known, or yes i am just now learning how to not be like donny on the wildthornberrys

I truly was happy and want to die everytime i think about how unhappy i made them

Make them

The wont miss me when i die because im alive and they surely dont is the thing i come back to whether wrong or not it is

Sometimes i cry about things i dont know are true bit definitely feel on my gut or for those in the loop my LN

You can keep my heart in dont want it anymore

I know realistically im bugging and i just feel bad and i need meds and yadayada yada

Im gonna be blunt with ya chief, im blowing my fucking brains out gn

[n0toverit]

huge vent feel free to ignore

okay day is now becoming kinda bad day esp with everything that’s happened recently i haven’t worked in like two weeks bc quit old job to go to new job bc i got a car which is literally everything i worked for at old job like saving 550-650 per check so i could get a car and then i got in an accident so i have no car which is the whole reason i went to new job interview and got the job that o was so happy and so excited for and now i have no car so i got all used to having my own time and doing things in my own not asking if i can be dropped of here or if i can be brought there i could just do it on my own and i was able to see bf twice a week instead of once bc he wasn’t the only one driving all the way to me and back every week but now i get more info on new job just to find out my kinda ex friend at this point that works there told me ppl wear jewelry and have their nails and lashes done blah blah so i give myself a fresh set of acrylic nails this past weekend, i would have had lashes but that was the day of the accident just for the email to say no perfume/cologne, no jewelry whatsoever (rings of any sort, earrings, bracelets,watches) no makeup, no hair or eyelash extensions, no acrylic nails or nail polish, and above all that said that if you violate any part of the dress code you’ll be sent home and have training rescheduled for the next week which mine was already rescheduled bc the class i was supposed to be in on the 5th got too full so they moved me to the 12th now i have to remove a basically full fresh set of acrylics and take off all of my jewelry including my ring from my boyfriend which means the most to me i literally cried the one day i forgot to put it back on a couple weeks ago after washing my cat and then take out all 3 sets of earrings i have and possibly lose the 3rd holes entirely that i only got making sure with that friend that i would be able to wear at least just regular plain earrings and not have to take them out and she said yes they shouldn’t say anything so not only was i basically fully lied to but i have only a few days to figure out what to do with all my stuff idk if they’ll let me in with clear piercing retainers or not i’ll have to see how they look cause i’m not sure if i’ll have my hair up or not this is all so disappointing and upsetting with the fact that i’m pretty sure all week i’m gonna have to uber home too cause they’re doing it on a tuesday when my regular schedule has me off from sunday -tuesday and alternating wednesdays i’m happy i have the job and it’s a better working place than the last job i had especially since i know i won’t be doing 3diff ppls jobs and playing manager through the week but i wish the stupid accident didn’t happen and my stupid friend wasn’t so stupid if i can even call her a friend at this point we had this not rlly huge but idk falling out argument whatever that she complains how she feels like i don’t want hang out with her anymore or that i spend all my time with my bf who i’ve only been able to see 2-3 times a week IF IM LUCKY but normally once a week on tuesdays for over a year but she thinks i spend all my time and days off with him when he lives 45mins away from me or that i don’t wanna hang out with her when she leaves me on seen and delivered for weeks and at time and she thinks it’s like a hehe oopsies i did to that didn’t i like it’s so annoying and irritating i’ve actually fully stopped talking to her bc of it she said she was gonna be better about it and she hasn’t changed anything so i just stopped talking to her fully because it’s sad and annoying esp seeing as we were best friends since we were like 10-11 and now she just pretty much lies or pays so little attention and practically ignores me everything g is so upsetting recently i just wish i still had my car and never made that stupid appointment and that i had better friends when at this point my only friend is my boyfriend if he even really counts and maybe one other person but we can’t even really hang out now cause i don’t have a car anymore

[lil-goddess]

i don't take nearly as many photos as i used to thx to my body dysmorphia and self image issues. one day ill look at myself and think im a bad bitch, and then ill look at myself again and think, "wow im so ugly. im gonna kms"

i felt like the latter for almost 2 years now bc i was on abilify. i was literally a zombie, a husk of my former self. friends and family of mine were concerned and constantly told me i needed to change meds thru my psychiatrist, but i refused because i was afraid of going into my manic and psychotic episodes bc i hurt so many people that way in 2020 during the holidays. my own brother and my ex said they'd rather see my going off the rails than act be a meek, timid, quiet person, bc it wasnt me. the one thing i miss about that personality tho was that my thoughts were quiet. i didn't have the racing thoughts like before, which drove me into insanity and having outbursts to those around me.

well, i stopped taking abilify a while ago and my psychiatrist got me on effexor instead. after 2 months, i started getting manic and bc my dumbass forgot to take my doses and was taking 2 at a time (like I'd do with my birth control) and i got yelled at by my mom and my psychiatrist after informing them bc that's what caused my lack of sleep, night sweats, and manic episodes.

so she explained that im going to get off the effexor slowly so i don't get any severe side effects from stopping cold turkey and prescribed me to lamotragine (i call it lamos for short because they're fucking lame. i have to take it twice a day jfc)

and it's been about a month since ive been on them. i took them in the past, but i can't recall how well it worked thx to my depression suppressing my memories. not to mention i was smoking a fuck ton of weed. my psychiatrist mentioned that in order for my meds to work properly, i would need to stop smoking weed (thc specifically) and switch to cbd to help calm myself. i didn't start taking her advice until about a week before my next appointment with her.

so i guess it's been like a monthish since ive smoked my pen and flower. i can already see an improvement in how well i retain information and remembering things i knew from when i was a kid. im still an airhead, but i always was tho. i was definitely booksmart, i always loved to read and enjoyed English class when i was in school.

now that im 25 and i live in one of the most highly sex trafficked cities in the world. im more street smart now. i check under my car if anyone is waiting to slash my ankles, i check my backseat of my car, i look behind and around me if im walking by myself (day or night).

i live on the east side of my town and it's mainly known for the suburban life, but it's very close to the north and southeast side, where the crime rate is so high. gun shots are always heard, rape, murder, etc is constantly happening.

ive never felt safe in this city. especially as a kid, almost everyday when i would walk to my bus or walk home from my bus stop, there were fucking creeps (well within their late 20s sometimes even in their 40s) that would honk their horn at me and whistle.

well as an adult now, it doesn't happen nearly as much anymore since i mainly drive for my main source of transportation.

but it still hasn't stopped. i still get cat called while im doing my errands and i remember the night after i got home on my very first date with a GIRL (i knew her from 6th grade and she was probably the first girl ive ever had a crush on and i didn't see her after that bc she got expelled and i saw her again most recently after like 10+ yrs) there were 2 men in a white truck and they saw me get out of my car in my driveway. the driver made a complete stop and i saw them staring at me with my brother by my side. i clearly told them from across the street to "take a fucking picture, it'll last longer" and they drove off and i went inside. i felt so uncomfortable after that. i had the realization that those creeps know where i live and can break into my home and do what they want. i should've gotten their license plate but i didn't think to at that moment.

every year goes by with the hopes that it gets better, but it doesn't. it gets worse. and i think to myself, "wow that was the worst year of my life." and then the next year comes and im proven wrong. it gets even more worse.

im going back to school to get a license in cosmetology and it's literally high school all over again. ive gotten into arguments with multiple girls in my class room due to their pettiness, cattiness, racism, or homophobia.

all the girls in my class either hate me, ignore me, or keep their distance bc of my manic episodes.

so bc i dont really get along with them, ive managed to make new friends with the girls in the more advanced class. it's like me, a freshman, befriending the juniors/seniors. they're all due to graduate in about a month so i will be left by myself again. this is literally history repeating itself and im doomed unless if i break the cycle.

tl;dr

im a depressed bitch that's bipolar and have bpd. im going to school to have purpose in life in hopes that i will become successful and move out of my abusive childhood home. i don't feel safe in the city i live. i don't feel like i belong anywhere.

[winetae]

❆ ANTIFREEZE ❆

— jimin x female!reader

— smut, pwp | college!au, ballet/christmas au

— alpha/beta/omega-verse, mentions of anxiety & insecurity, mutual pining, semi-public sex, praise kink, spanking, jimin’s thighs in tights, everyone’s putting their inhuman flexibility to good use

— 11.7k

‘Don’t sleep with your dance partners.’ 

For three years, Jimin has followed the above rule religiously. Who knew it would take a vengeful ex, a Christmas fundraiser, and a pair of torn tights for his resolve to crumble?  

↳ alternatively : Jimin participates in the school’s adaption of The Nutcracker for extra credit but doesn’t expect his new dance partner to a) be this bad at dancing and b) be this fucking cute

❆ part of the happy ho-lidays collab ❆

author’s notes | fic inspo - antifreeze by the black skirts/baek yerin. also we’re going to collectively ignore that i did 9 years of ballet bc i took way too many liberties with this fic. balanchine is rolling around in his grave.

happy holidays everyone ♡ @floralseokjin @suga-kookiemonster @sugaurora @underthejoon​ @btssavedmylifeblr​ @kpopfanfictrash​

instead of a fluid, continuous story, this fic is more like several snippets of various length put together :) the jimin in this fic is gcf in helsinki/bs&t jimin !!

.

❆ we had wandered around the universe all alone, feeling so lonely ❆

.

.

Jimin figures out pretty early on that life is a lottery with three possible outcomes: there are good days, mediocre days, and days he wishes he could fast-forward to the next.

So the moment he rouses from sleep and realizes that it’s past his usual wake-up time, he just knows that today is going to be option number 3 - call it an omen, a gut feeling, ESP, whatever. Jimin instinctively knows he’s fucked.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” he spits out as he stares at his black phone screen in betrayal.

Bright sunlight peeks out from behind his half-closed blinds indicating that it’s well past 6 am.

“Where the hell is my charger? Damn it.”

He rolls out of bed and crouches down on the floor, hands blindly patting the space under his mattress. All he manages to unearth is a pencil and a dusty black sock he’d given up on finding weeks ago. By the time he finally locates the cursed object buried at the bottom of his dance bag and gets his phone to turn back on again, his stomach churns painfully.

The numbers on his screen don’t lie. It’s nearing noon which means he’s skipped out on two - almost three - classes. He’s never been late for class - not even once - so the mere idea of him missing his lessons has him on edge.

“Ugh.” He feels like he’s going to be sick.

Just what is he supposed to do now? Jimin tries to mentally map out his daily schedule except half of his day is now gone and he still has twice as many things to do before it’s truly over. The realization that he won’t accomplish his objectives today hits him like a ton of bricks.

“Jimin?” he hears his roommate scuffle around nervously behind his bedroom door. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

He winces, realizing too late that his distress must have soured his scent. As a beta, Hoseok’s nose isn’t able to pick out the fluctuations in his emotions unless they’re on the extremity of the spectrum.

“Jimin?” Hoseok tries again, knocking on the door this time, insistent.

“I’ll be out in a sec! Just give me a minute.”

A pause, and then, “Okay, I’ll wait for you in the kitchen. Take your time.”

Jimin waits until he hears the sound of Hoseok’s footsteps disappear before breathing in deeply, trying to get his scent back under control. Over the years, he’s mastered the art of clearing his mind and keeping his pheromones in check but there are occasional cracks in his composure.

He knows some people don’t give a flying fuck about scent control and just let their emotions and scents run wild, not concerned in the least with how it’ll affect their surrounding environment. Those people being alphas, typically. Or betas whose scents are biologically too faint to be perceived by the majority of the population.

Jimin, on the other hand, doesn’t have that luxury. Spraying his pheromones everywhere is bound to attract unwanted advances - and the last thing he wants is for people to say he was asking for the attention.

Somehow, he manages to push through the nausea swimming in his belly. He applies a fresh layer of scent blocker over his scent glands just for good measure before unlocking his door.

He slinks out of his room, half-expecting Hoseok to be hovering near the door, a worried look painted on his face, but finds him in the kitchen instead.

Hoseok looks up just as he finishes throwing in a few branches of celery into the smoothie maker Jimin had gotten him two birthdays ago.

“Jimin! I’m making protein shakes. Want some?”

“No, thank you.” Jimin’s nose wrinkles in distaste. He’s seen the ingredients his roommate likes to mix together - an assortment of fruits, green vegetables, and chunks of chicken breast - and no amount of convincing would get him to drink the concoction for free.

“Your loss.” He shrugs and adds in the remaining apple slices to the blender before closing the lid.

The machine whirs to life, filling the silence with the sound of food being pulverized. During this time, Jimin debates on whether he should get his worries off his chest. He knows Hoseok won’t ask him about his problems - not for lack of care, but because he knows Jimin appreciates the space. 

His consideration for Jimin’s feelings might explain how they’ve been able to remain friends for so long. Living together is comfortable because Hoseok treats him normally - no fawning, no catering to his every desire, no dictating his every move.

“You sure you don’t want some?”

Jimin tries not to gag as Hoseok pours the greenish mixture into a tall glass and pokes the top with a hot-pink colored straw. “I’ll pass.”

Maybe it’s because of his friend’s relaxed posture that he ends up blurting out everything weighing on his mind.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says once he’s done listening to Jimin’s rant.

Jimin gapes at him, eyebrows raised in protest. “Not a big deal?”

“Everyone’s missed out on class once or twice in their lives. The instructor will understand. Just tell them you were sick.” Hoseok shrugs, the picture perfect example of boyish insouciance.

Jimin envies him. He wishes he could replicate Hoseok’s easy-going demeanor and casual attitude towards life. Even back when his friend was still a college student, he’d juggled his academic duties and social life without any problems. Meanwhile, Jimin’s entire existence orbits around dance, leaving space for nothing else.

“It’ll be okay!” Hoseok grins, oblivious to his inner conflict. “You still have afternoon classes you can attend, right? I’ll drop you off!”

“Thanks.” He glances at the cat-shaped clock hanging on the wall. “I’ll go get ready, then.”

.

.

.

Despite having scarfed down his protein shake earlier, Hoseok insists that they stop by Angel’s Bagels on the way.

“Sometimes the thought of eating their pastrami bagel keeps me up at night.”

“You drive by here all the time,” Jimin points out, reminding him that the dance academy where he teaches beginner hip-hop is only a few blocks down from HYBE. “You could just eat here more often instead of losing sleep over a bagel.”

“No way.” Hoseok looks affronted by the suggestion. “I’m not paying full price for a menu. Makes me feel old. And besides, your student ID is still valid for a few months. We have to take full advantage of these perks while you still have them! You won’t stay young forever.”

“Yeah, okay,” he humors him.

After several minutes of searching, they finally manage to find an empty parking space tucked between a gnarly tree and the back of a nondescript building. It’s a tight fit but Hoseok is determined to make it work, “we can’t give up now, Jimin. We are not weak.”

“It’s just a bagel. We can get them at Starbucks,” Jimin tries, eyes glued to a branch that’s this close to coming into contact with the wing mirror.

“Just a bagel?! Just?”

“Forget it.” With the car’s paint job on the line, Jimin quickly abandons the suggestion, not wanting to distract his friend whilst in the middle of such a crucial moment.

“Aha!” Hoseok cheers once he parks the car successfully. “I almost deserve two bagels for the effort that took me, don’t you think?”

“You can have a bite of mine, if you want,” Jimin offers as he unbuckles his seat belt and climbs out of the car, careful not to bump the door into a wayward branch.

Hoseok’s smile widens, his row of perfectly straight teeth on show. “Two bites!”

“Two bites,” Jimin agrees easily.

When they enter Angel’s Bagels, the familiar oily smell of bacon and ham reach his nose first. It’s so strong that it momentarily eclipses the scent of the students crowding around tables and mingling by the counter as they wait for their orders to be ready.

“Damn it’s packed already,” Hoseok pouts, shoulders drooping in disappointment. “I’ll go and try to find us some seats.”

Jimin hums, casting a glance around the popular establishment. “You want the usual?”

“Yeah, thanks! And a latte. With almond milk and a shot of vanilla.” He gives Jimin a thumbs-up before pushing his way through a throng of students, on the hunt for two free seats.

Jimin goes to stand in line, gaze sweeping the menu as he tries to find a bagel that will suit his and Hoseok’s taste. Once he settles for a relatively safe option - fried egg, cream cheese and aragula - he takes out his phone to play Candy Crush while he waits for the line to move up.

He’s in the middle of a streak when the barista calls for his turn.

“What would you like today?”

“I’ll have one pastrami bagel and one egg in a hole,” he lists off, adding on the coffee orders. He flashes his student ID and the barista’s mouth falls open in surprise.

“You’re Park Jimin from the dance department?” the barista chirps as he swipes his credit card before handing it back to him. “I remember seeing you in Romeo and Juliet back in June! You’re really amazing!”

Before he can thank him, a voice behind him calls out, greasy and dripping in confidence.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Jimin hates that he recognizes the voice right away. He hates everything about his day but so far this takes the cake.

He grabs his brown bag and briskly walks away towards where a group of students are waiting for their beverages. Maybe if he ignores his pursuer, they’ll give up and leave him alone.

Of course - all of this ends up being wishful thinking.

“Hey, Park Jimin, I was talking to you.”

Maybe he’s out of karma points or perhaps his moon is in Jupiter and the stars are not in his favor. Either way, he knows in that moment that things are only going to get worse from here on out.

“What?” He look back over his shoulder and regrets it immediately.

“It’s been a while. I almost didn’t recognize you.” Ian motions at his hair. “Nice hair, it looks good.”

The compliment doesn’t even sound genuine.

“Yeah.” Jimin turns back around, fixing his phone screen like his life depends on it. He scrolls through his instragram page, scrutinizing the screen so intensely, his vision blurs at the edges.

“So...” Ian steps forward so that they’re now standing side by side. “It’s been a while. Let me buy you a coffee.”

For fuck’s sake!!!! Jimin wants to rip his hair out in frustration.

“I already ordered.”

“I was just trying to be nice,” Ian raises his hands in defense, trying to pass off as a harmless and benevolent friend. “It’s been so long since we last caught up.”

“Sorry, but no. I already have plans.”

“Then - this weekend? We can go see the new Spiderman movie.”

“No, thanks.”

“Okay, okay. Well what about next -”

“No,” he finally snaps, exasperated. “Can’t you take a hint? I’m not interested.”

Ian’s scent flares, bold and aggressive, dousing the near vicinity in cumin and sandalwood. The person behind them yelps, surprised by the sudden influx of pheromones, and backs away from the pair nervously.

Jimin doesn’t blame them - Ian’s woodsy scent is overbearing and triggers the animal fight or flight reaction within him. He doesn’t know if Ian’s doing it on purpose as an intimidation tactic or if all alphas are inherently irascible and volatile.

“This is exactly why I don’t date alphas,” he fumes, embarrassed that the scene is attracting unwanted attention. All around him, people whisper and Jimin knows from experience that by the time the sun sets, the news will have spread all over campus. “It’s astounding how you lot never take ‘no’ as an answer.”

Ian scoffs, a sneer twisting his features. “I was trying to do you a favor. You think people actually want to date stuck-up omegas like you? Fuck.”

He pushes his hair back and barks out a laugh, like he can’t believe someone of Jimin’s stature dares reject him - in public no less.

“One vanilla latte and one hazelnut cappuccino,” the barista squeaks over the Christmas carol booming through the overhead speakers, looking like he’d prefer to be anywhere but there. “F-for Jimin.”

“I should have known,” Ian mutters, laughing bitterly as Jimin walks up to fetch his order. “Of course you’d be here with someone already.”

“Ego can’t handle being turned down for the second time, huh?” Jimin smirks, ignoring his omegean instinct that tells him to lay low when confronting a hostile threat. “You gonna start crying next?”

“What’s going on here?” Hoseok finally appears and frowns, immediately taking note of the thick tension souring the air. “I thought - Oh great.”

His gaze falls upon Ian and immediately his features harden as he steps in, his body acting as a sort of human shield.

“You’re dating a beta?” Ian guffaws, contempt coating his every word. “Are you sure he can even keep up with a guy like you.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Hoseok narrows his eyes and tugs on Jimin’s sleeve. “Let’s get out of here. It fucking reeks because of him.”

Jimin follows him out but not before spiting, “dumb knotheads like you always wonder why you can’t get laid.”

He hates not having the last word, even if the desire is childish and, at times, dangerous. His mother would have advised against it but Ian’s reaction - fists clenched by his sides, teeth grinding together - makes his outburst worth it.

More than that, he despises how most alphas act like they’re entitled to everything and everyone, and that just because he’s an omega, he’s expected to bend over backwards to cater to them. Yeah...fuck that. It’s not the 1940s anymore. Jimin refuses to let himself be bullied around for reasons out of his control.

Hoseok makes Jimin walk in front of him as a precaution, like he’s afraid Ian will chase them down at any moment and attack. In all honesty, Jimin wouldn’t put such a primitive reaction past him - so he doesn’t comment on Hoseok going full feral protective.

“I’m fine,” sighs Jimin once they’re back in the car. He’s had time to get his scent back under control during their walk back.

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok stares down at the bagel Jimin hands him in regret. “I should’ve stayed with you.”

“I’m not a fucking baby,” Jimin reminds him before taking a big bite out of his bagel, chewing with more aggression than strictly necessary.

“You’re not.” Hoseok agrees and takes a tentative bite out his own. “Still...”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault - or mine. He’s just a dumb alpha.”

Hoseok snorts around a mouthful of pastrami. “True. He really gives alphas a bad rep... Thank God they’re not all like that.”

Outside the car it starts to rain.

“You bring an umbrella?”

“I don’t think I own one.”

Jimin turns to his friend, not bothering to conceal his judgemental stare. “How does one own a fanny pack and not an umbrella?”

“Hey. I don’t see you carrying around an umbrella, either.”

Jimin’s got nothing to say to that. He groans, looking out the window and hoping for a miracle.

“What a shitty day.”

“But think on the bright side!” Hoseok says mid-chew. “Your day can only go up from here!”

“Don’t jinx me. I need all the luck I can get.”

.

.

.

Hoseok has definitely jinxed him, Jimin thinks bitterly as he trudges up the stairs towards his professor’s office.

Although he hadn’t been scheduled to see his professor until next week’s Self Care for Professional Dancers class, he’d been intercepted in the changing rooms after Contemporary with a message from the professor asking for a meeting.

Considering how well his day is going so far, Jimin suspects the surprise rendezvous won’t be in his favor.

He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door twice before turning the doorknob.

“Jimin! Come in.”

The door shuts close behind him and at once Jimin is enveloped by the chemical scent of descenting spray. It’s still got an acidic tinge to it - a dead giveaway that it’s been freshly sprayed - and Jimin tries not to be obvious about the way he switches to breathing through his mouth instead of through his nose. He knows his professor is only following standard etiquette but Jimin’s sense of smell has always been more sensitive than the rest. Scent blockers and sprays don’t erase personal scents, at least not in their entirety.

“You wanted to see me, Sir?”

“Ah, Jimin.” Professor Jo looks up from his stack of papers and puts down his ballpoint pen. “Have a seat.”

“I’m not in trouble, am I?”

“No, not in trouble.” He clears his throat and continues, "as you know, graduation is right around the corner..."

Jimin nods, trying not to let confusion bleed through his expression of polite interest.

"And, well, I'm concerned. About you."

"About...me?” Jimin licks his lips, feeling his mouth go dry.

"Have you decided which dance company you’d like to apply for next year?"

"I'm still weighing my options.”

He answers vaguely on purpose, shifting his gaze away to focus on the snow globe placed on the desk instead. It’s the only festive decoration in the office - a ballerina with angel wings, legs split in a grand jeté.

The professor heaves a sigh and scratches his beard.

“I figured you’d say as much.” The sound of his professor’s disappointment is irksome but Jimin remains quiet. “Jimin - let me ask you this. Do you want to join a dance company?”

Jimin’s gaze snaps up, confusion marring his face.

“I don’t understand.” Frowning, he remembers to add on, “Sir.”

“You’re a spectacular dancer, Jimin. Although, I’m sure you’re already aware of it. But I can’t help but worry about you recently...”

“Is this - is this because I missed class this morning?” Jimin asks incredulously, feeling wronged.

“I was not aware of your absence this morning.” The teacher raises his brow but chooses to get back to the issue at hand. “Lately, a few of your instructors have been voicing their concern over your lack of...enthusiasm, shall we say.”

Jimin’s mind goes blank as he tries to process what has just been said. He lacks enthusiasm? Him? The words are like a slap in the face. All the hours, months, years spent training flash in front of his eyes. No one knows how much he’s sacrificed to be where he is now.

“Enthusiasm?” he parrots, voice hollow.

“Yes, enthusiasm. Passion.” Professor Jo smiles sadly, almost like he’s pitying him. “Many people drop out of our university. Why is that, do you think? As a teacher, I’ve asked myself this question many times. What could I have done to keep them on track? The answer, I realized, was not so simple. Graduating is not the final goal one must chase after. My role should be to help students hone their talents and nurture their love for the craft, not force them to adhere to academic rules and regulations.”

“I don’t quite follow.”

“Many gifted dancers develop tunnel vision,” he continues. “Most believe: ‘in order to succeed, I must be the best, no matter what it takes’. Of course, the cut-throat and competitive environment they’re thrust into fuels this mindset. Sometimes competition brings out the best in dancers - and sometimes the worst.”

“So you’re saying I’m too focused on being the best? I’m sorry, Sir, but I fail to understand how this is a negative trait. How can I improve if I don’t constantly push my limits?”

“This year, several disciplines are teaming up for our annual Christmas fundraiser. I think it will be a good opportunity for you. Not often are dancers allowed to dance just for the sake of it.”

Oh hell no. He sees where this is going and there is no way his professor is seriously suggesting he join the kiddie version of The Nutcracker. It’s not a production anyone takes seriously, for one, since the Christmas fundraiser performance is traditionally composed of freshmen who want or need more stage experience, with families and children making up the majority of the audience.

“Respectfully, Sir, I already have a performance scheduled in January.”

“I think you will manage perfectly.” Professor Jo beams. “As you might already know, HYBE’s variation of The Nutcracker is choreographed with children in mind. In short, it’s a stripped-down, kid-friendly version of the ballet we all know and love. Rehearsals are a week long and shouldn’t take up much of your time.”

Jimin opens his mouth to protest. “I’m sorry but I don’t have any incentive to do this.”

“Incentive? Well, if you really need a motive...” He hums, deep in thought. “Let’s see. Your grades in anatomy/kinesiology are a bit lacking, aren’t they? I’ll have a word with your professor. I’m sure she’ll be willing to count your participation in the fundraiser event as extra credit.”

Uh...what exactly is the correlation between The Nutcracker and kinesiology?

Jimin’s not naive; he suspects there must be ulterior reasons for his professor’s forceful suggestion.

But his suspicion is quickly buried by the sheer fatigue that’s built up over the day. He’s so fucking tired. All he wants right now is to dunk his body in a hot bath and spend the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch binging a Netflix series.

“So? What do you think?”

His professor doesn’t seem like he’ll take ‘no’ for an answer.

Is that today’s theme? Jimin thinks, resentful. On the bright side, he muses, attempting to channel his inner-Hoseok, I’ll bring my grade average up. I’ll get to dance onstage and help a charitable cause. . 

If today has taught him anything, it’s that he desperately needs to build his karma points back up. Maybe his shitty day is God’s way of telling him he needs to do better.

He drags his gaze back up and meets his professor’s inquisitive stare and tries not to rethink his decision.

“Ok. I’ll participate.”

“Wonderful! Just wait and see, Jimin. This performance might just change your life.”

.

.

.

.

❆ someday, when the sun and moon overlap, everything will become clear ❆

.

.

Pre-class warm-up is in full swing by the time you enter Studio B13.

Groups of dancers are splayed across the floor, their fingertips stretched past their toes, while others are gathered near the wall with their legs high up on the barre.

It’s not an unusual for dancers to chatter amongst themselves quietly while they warm-up their hamstrings and calves but today you can’t help but notice the room is buzzing with festive energy.

Christmas has that effect on people, you think warmly as you place your water bottle alongside the side wall. Everything about the holiday season -  from the sweet smell of candy canes and pine trees to the multicolored lights that make the streets glimmer - paints your existence in  bright hues of green, red, and white. 

One of your friends waves you over and you go join her on the floor, legs easing into your first stretch.

“Did you hear? Park Jimin’s taking over Junho’s role,” she says, impish smile on her face, before reaching over her left foot, hips opened in a wide split.

“Jimin? Park Jimin? Which one?"

The name is too common; there are maybe six Park Jimin’s in the dance department alone. Surely she can't mean -

"Don’t play coy now! Park Jimin! Your idol. The guy whose thighs you fantasize about on the daily.”

"Wh- what do you mean?” you say at a loss for words, mouth agape with incredulity. Taken aback by the news, you forget to deny your infatuation with the school’s star dancer. “He’s really going to join? But, just - why?”

Park Jimin might as well be the dance department’s mascot; he’s front and center on every poster advertising your major, and his face is spotlighted on Hybe’s homepage website. Everyone - from fellow dancers to the dance instructors - cite him as an example to follow.

You don’t know if you’d go as far as to call him your idol but - you can’t deny the admiration you harbor. Every time you hear about his never-ending list of impressive accomplishments, you’re filled with awe and the motivation to work harder.

“Why? Who knows?” Ryujin shrugs. “Maybe he likes children?”

Seniors rarely, if ever, participate in the Christmas fundraiser projects. They’re too busy rehearsing for various performances and prepping for their graduation examination and their professional auditions to bother with the extra effort.

The idea of Park Jimin and you sharing the same stage seems too far-fetched to be true. Jimin is an accredited soloist, regularly cast in main principal roles including in the highly sought-after collaborations with renowned guest choreographers. Rumors even go as far as to say artistic directors from different dance companies show up during his performances to try to scout him.

There’s no way he’ll ever agree to join a small, no name production.

That’s what you think, anyway, before Jimin himself walks in, a dance bag slung over his shoulder.

At first you think you’re mistaken. Maybe the lack of sleep is finally getting to you and is causing you to hallucinate. You’re even willing to write it off as a trick of the light - because after all, why would someone like him participate in this ballet in the first place? Yet the harder you stare, the less room there is for misinterpretation.

Several people gasp as they also take notice of this new addition and the room gradually falls silent.

Jimin doesn’t seem to mind the attention, his features aligned into an expression of casual indifference. He props his bag against the wall - right by your water bottle!!! - and leans down to rummage through its contents like everything is perfectly normal.

“See,” Ryujin nudges her foot against yours as she switches positions. “Didn’t I tell you?”

You stare back at her, wide-eyed and momentarily incapable of coherency.

“Did he break your brain?” she snickers when you fail to reply. “He’s just another guy. You’d think he was a k-pop singer or something with the way you’re drooling.”

You quickly wipe at your mouth, ignoring the way your friend breaks out into giggles.

“He’s more than that,” you finally manage, keeping your voice down. The last thing you want is for him to mistake you for an enamored fangirl - even if that is kind of what you are. “If you’d seen him in last year’s Carmen, you’d get it. His dancing is...”

You trail off, remembering how wonder-struck you’d been as he glided across the stage. No one else had captured your attention like he had - it went beyond immaculate dance lines and powerful fouetté turns. Even now, you would give anything to rewind the hands of time just to watch his goosebumps-inducing performance for the first time again.

Ryujin looks like she’s about to tease you further when your dance instructor, Park Wootae, suddenly strides into the studio. As your attention shifts onto him, you take notice of his jovial disposition immediately.

Your fellow dancers interrupt their stretches to gather on the floor.

Instructor Wootae begins by greeting the class. “Hi everyone. I know a lot has changed since we last saw each other but I trust that you’ve all been well.”

A few dancers greet him back more or less enthusiastically. Most of them, including yourself, are waiting for him to address the elephant in the room.

“As you’re all well aware of by now, Junho has had to step down from his role as the prince for...personal reasons.”

Through the mirror’s reflection you can see some students share a grimace. You share the sentiment. The very public fight between him and Yoona had been ugly; it was the sort of drama befitting American reality TV shows.

“Thankfully, Jimin here has agreed to fill his shoes amidst his busy schedule. Why don’t you say a few words for those who might not know who you are?”

Jimin clears his throat and you take the opportunity to dare look at him head-on.

Unlike the previous times you’d caught glimpses of him from the audience seats and the stage wings, you can now clearly see his every feature - from his silver, side swept hair, to his sharp collarbones and thick thighs.

You gulp as he catches you mid-oggle, a sudden rush of embarrassment making your face heat up.

His gaze returns to the center of the room and he introduces himself, his voice steady and full of confidence.

“I’m Park Jimin, fourth year. A few of you might have seen me in Giselle, Romeo and Juliet, and Esplanade this year - to name a few works. I look forward to working with you.”

He bows and students break into applause, the instructor joining them, beaming.

“Wootae’s struck gold.” Ryujin mutters under her breath. “I suspect the turn-out this year will be crazy.”

Silently, you agree. Jimin’s name is guaranteed to attract spectators, regardless of the quality of the production. Personally, you’re more than willing to cough up money even if it’s just to see Park Jimin dance a solo with Jingle Bell Rock as the accompanying piece.

“Alright.” Wootae clasps Jimin’s shoulder in encouragement. “Today we’ll go over Act I. Tom, Junho’s understudy, will dance the role of the prince for now. Emma will be your partner for - Where is Emma?”

Silence befalls the studio as some students exchange nervous glances.

Although you’re not privy to the nitty-gritty details, you suspect the reason’s she’s walked out of the production is somehow linked to the Junho/Yoona drama. Everyone more or less knew they’d been sleeping together and they hadn’t done anything to hide their dalliance, especially when they turned up to rehearsals coated in each other’s scent.

“She - um,” Tom clears his throat. “Won’t be coming back.”

Wootae’s features turn stony. “I see.” He casts a glance around the room and calls out the name of Emma’s understudy. “Minjung will play Clara, then. We’ll rehearse from the top after a quick class warm-up.”

Minjung blanches and even you, a beta with a weak nose, can smell her discomfort from across the room. You try to send her an encouraging smile but she doesn’t catch it, mind elsewhere.

Honestly, you don’t blame her - going from a snowflake to a principal role overnight would make you terribly nervous as well. 

Fauré’s Pavane starts playing as Wootae circles the floor, his eyes scanning the room. “Kira, shoulders back, tummy tucked - fix that posture. Tom get that leg up higher.”

You try to concentrate - mindful to keep your toes pointed and arms perfectly aligned - but every so often your focus is shaken, gaze flitting towards Jimin. From where you stand in the back of the second row, your view of his reflection in the mirror is far from perfect.

Wootae calls your name and it catches you completely off guard. Embarrassment burns through you as you clumsily finish your pas de chat.

“Your focus in terrible today.”

He’s right, you note duly. Now is not the time to let yourself get caught up in the excitement of Jimin joining The Nutcracker. Unlike a normal dance class, the quality of your dancing won’t just impact your grade. Being part of a ballet means that the entire performance depends on how well you do.

With that in mind, you renew your efforts, determined to not make any other mistakes. Wootae nods in your direction, the only sign of appreciation, before circling back to the front of the studio.

“Alright let’s take Act I from the top.”

The dancers move to the side of the studio as you await your cues, while Minjung gets ready. Wootae starts playing the music and everyone watches as Minjung starts the opening scene.

Even from where you’re standing, you can tell she’s terribly nervous. She stumbles through steps and misses the timing several times. Your eyes flit from her to Wootae, and back to her. The more you watch her dance, the more nervous you become; it’s almost as if her anxiety is contagious. 

Wootae stops the music before her part finishes. Everyone holds their breath as they wait for him to speak.

“You don’t know the choreo, do you?”

Minjung shifts her weight from foot to foot. She knows she can’t lie.

“Being an understudy means I trust you just as much as the principal dancer to commit to the role,” he says, voice hard. “Not being great at it, I can understand because we haven’t practiced. But when you show up, I expect you to, at the very least, know the dance.”

He crosses his arm as he surveys the room. “Does anyone know the choreo?”

The silence that befalls the room is suffocating. You wring your hands together, not daring to look at your instructor.

“Has no one bothered to learn it?” he asks again, ice creeping into his words.

You don’t know what comes over you. Maybe you’ve finally lost it.

“I know it,” you squeak out, trying not to shrink in on yourself as everyone in the room turns to look at you. Everything around you is distorted and fuzzy around the edges. Your legs feel numb, sluggish, unwilling to cooperate. Even when Ryujin mouths at you from the sidelines, you can’t make out what she says. “I know... the choreography up until the middle of Act II.”

Silence. And then, “Let’s see it then.”

You make your way towards the center of the floor, all too aware of the probing stares aimed your way. The attention makes you self-conscious and distantly, you wonder why you’ve chosen today of all days to make a fool out of yourself.

“Ready?”

But when the opening notes drift from the speakers, your whole world shifts into focus and everything becomes clear once more. Nothing matters but you and the music.

.

.

.

.

❆  even if the familiar streets shine like mirrors and thin ice floats on top of the coffee you handed me, you and i won’t freeze ❆

.

.

Jimin pauses in the doorway awkwardly, hand still on the door knob.

You’re the last person he expects to see in the practice room - not that he’d expected anyone in the first place. Most of his classmates prefer to practice after hours, late into the night, rather than wake up at the ass crack of dawn to train.

Jimin likes practicing alone. It’s easier. No scents weighing down the air, no probing gazes dissecting his every move. Although he enjoys the validation that comes with the attention, sometimes it feels like he’s balanced on a tightrope, with no room for mistakes.

He contemplates finding another available room to use as he glances down to check the time on his phone. There’s an hour and a half left before his first class is scheduled to begin so if he plans on making any progress with his part, he’s better off just staying here instead of wasting his precious time searching for an unlocked, empty practice room.

Sighing, he resigns himself to sharing the studio space with you. At least, he thinks, he’ll be able to ask you about the stage blocking they hadn’t had the time to go over. In spite of yesterday’s poor demonstration, you’d been the only one who’d put in the effort to memorize all the choreography.

He drops off his ballet bag next to yours and sits down on the floor to slide on his ballet slippers.

Tchaikovsky’s music continues to play, uninterrupted, as you practice Wootae’s choreography. The tune is painfully familiar, bringing back memories of his first ever on-stage ballet performance as a vicious, nameless mouse. He huffs out a laugh, suddenly reminded of the god-awful armpit smell that he’d been forced to breathe in every time he donned the mouse headpiece.

As the music comes to an end, Jimin realizes that you haven’t acknowledged his presence yet. No hi, hello, or even a look in his direction. Either you’re too caught up in practice - or you’ve chosen to purposefully ignore him.

The second option bothers him more than he’s willing to admit.

“Oh.” You gasp as you turn around, meeting his eyes. The moment lasts for a few seconds at most, broken when you fix the floor with your gaze.

“Hi.” Jimin smiles, polite and pleased that he still has the same effect on you as yesterday.

Surprise colors your expression and your fingers fidget by your side. “H-hello.”

There’s a cute stutter in your speech. He wants to see more of it.

Instantly, he catches himself slipping. He knows he’s not supposed to desire you in any romantic way, not after he’s made it his life motto to not sleep with his dance partners.

So instead of flirting, he offers to rehearse your scenes together. Unlike most variations of The Nutcracker, Wootae’s version includes a pas de deux between the nutcracker and Clara at the end of Act I.

Throughout the hour, he tries to keep things strictly professional between the two of you. He listens and asks questions, soaks up your explanations and demonstrations, and keeps his hands to himself. 

He tries. He does. But he can’t help but find it endearing when you refuse to meet his gaze. Especially when he clearly sees you sneaking peeks at his thighs when he’s not looking.

It’s harmless, he thinks, when he asks you if you want to grab coffee after dancing for an hour. Coffee can be strictly professional, right? He’s not breaking any of his rules.

He brings you to his favorite coffee shop, happy with his decision when you look around, enchanted by the holiday decorations. It’s a small, hole in the wall kind of place, not known to many people. Jimin enjoys it because he can breathe in through his nose without getting his sense of smell overloaded.

You’re humming along to Jingle Bell Rock when he decides to ask, as casually as possible, “what class do you have after this?”

“Modern II and then dance studies. I finish early today.”

“Ah... Near Horton Hall?” When you nod, he quickly adds, “what a coincidence. I have a portfolio I need to pick up near there.”

“Oh!” your eyes light up in interest and Jimin almost feels bad for lying to you. “For your senior project? Wow. I still can’t believe you signed up for the fundraiser event when you’re so busy.”

He coughs and looks away.

“Not - not that it’s a bad thing!” you hurry on to clarify, misinterpreting his awkward response. “I think it’s really cool, actually. You’re different from who I expected you to be.”

“What did you think I was going to be like?”

“I dunno.” It’s your turn to look embarrassed. “I just... You’re so talented and well-known on campus...”

“So you thought I’d be an arrogant little diva?” he can’t resist teasing.

“N-no!”

He laughs, loud and unrestrained. “I guess you weren’t really wrong. I didn’t want to participate at first but one of my professor’s convinced me to give it a try. And - well, I can’t say I regret it.”

He tries to express his feelings through a heated stare. Meeting you has made him rethink his position on so many subjects - dance, life, himself - but he doesn’t know how to convey such deep sentiment in words alone.

“Order for Jimin!” A voice interrupts his musings.

Jimin watches as you carefully take the cup of cocoa from his outstretched hand, cold fingers brushing against his own. They walk out of the coffee shop and into the cold winter air, shoulders brushing up against each other. Jimin reels in the urge to wrap you his scarf when he sees you shiver - he doesn’t know if that’s due to his omegean instinct to nurture, but the itch to just cover you up in his scent grows stronger by the minute.

“Look! A snowman.” A smile stretches across your face, making the apples of your cheeks rise and your eyes crease into half-moons.

He glances down at the tiny marshmallows floating atop the beverage. It’s a sad excuse for a snowman - the marshmallows have begun to melt, distorting the figure until it’s almost unidentifiable - but the grin that lights up your face is so infectious and precious that Jimin doesn’t have the heart to critique the candied monstrosity. 

“Cute, right?”

He hums in response, his gaze flitting back to your face.

You’re cuter, he wants to profess, but the words stay stuck on the tip of his tongue. You smile up at him and Jimin gulps, hoping his inner thoughts aren’t written out plainly on his face.

Damn, he thinks, as he watches you puff up your cheeks, blowing air onto the surface of your cup. Maybe I’ve got it bad.

.

.

.

.

“... I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not even near my heat cycle.”

He’s stares at the half-empty beer in his hand and sighs, wishing he could banish all these unnecessary feelings stirring inside of him.

“You know what I think, Jimin?” Hoseok taps the side of his glass as he gathers his thoughts.

Jimin gives a half-shrug, too busy staring into the bottom his glass.

“I think this is a sign!” Hoseok says, eyes lighting up in excitement. “You haven’t been interested in anyone in years.”

“I’m not - interested.”

“Interested, down to fuck. It all means the same thing.”

“She’s my dance partner,” he protests, mouth pursed in a pout.

“Yeah, and?” Hoseok rolls his eyes. “You’re the only one I’ve seen actually follow that rule.”

“If more people followed it, I wouldn’t have gotten roped into joining the fundraiser in the first place!”

“What happened anyway?”

“Dunno, exactly.” Jimin takes another swig of beer. “I think one guy was cheating on his girlfriend with his dance partner and word somehow got out. Things got messy - as expected. None of that would have happened though if he’d kept it in his pants. Which is exactly why I should just - get over this. Not - not that there’s anything to get over.”

Hoseok is quick to point out, “you don’t have a girlfriend, though. And it’s not like you’re going to partner up with the cute ballet dancer after this one performance, am I right? Both of you are responsible adults so I don’t see the problem.”

Jimin tries not to let his friend’s advice sway him. Maybe the no-strings-attached mindset would work for someone easy-going and considerate, with nothing on his mind but a good time.

“When was the last time you even liked someone?”

“Maybe - freshman year?” 

In his early college years, he’d been too inexperienced, easily influenced by sweet words and suave pick-up lines. He hadn’t realized back then that a lot of people wanted to date the idea of him. That dating Jimin came with bragging rights.

“And now someone new comes along - someone you don’t actively want to strangle every time they open their mouth - that thinks you’re so cool and talented and is a fan of your thighs -”

Jimin’s cheeks burn. He regrets telling Hoseok about you. Now his friend will never let this subject go. Lord knows how long he’d tried setting Jimin up on dates with no success.

“I just... Don’t want you to regret it, you know?” Hoseok’s grin dims, just a little. “Once you get caught up in the what-ifs, it’s hard to get out.”

What-if...?

Jimin gulps down the last of his beer and attempts to ignore how much those words shake him to the core.

.

.

.

❆ in the cold air that is really suffocating, your warmth soaks through my body ❆

.

.

As the week cycles on, Tuesday bleeding into Friday, the two of you fall into a stable routine. Early morning practice, then coffee, before you part ways as you continue on with your day. Each day, he finds himself more and more reluctant to leave your side, drawing out conversations just to prolong your time together.

All of this cumulates to his most ridiculous feat yet.

Inwardly, he curses at himself, upset that he’s let his mind wander off again.

It’s - unnerving. Usually as soon as the music starts, the rest of the world melts away, his universe shrinking into the size of the stage. Overdue assignments, looming deadlines, what he’s going to eat for dinner - all these things cease to matter. 

But today his focus is in shambles. All throughout rehearsal, he’s felt distracted, utterly unlike himself. Even when it’s not his time to dance, his gaze always ends up following your figure, the force of your magnetic field too strong.

He blames Hoseok and his tipsy love advice for his slip in focus. His words from last night have carved themselves into his subconscious, their effect on him absolute. What if...? The words loop around in his head like a broken record player.

“Alright! Good work everyone.” Wootae claps his hands as the music comes to a stop.

The dancers on the floor catch their breath, some going to grab their water bottles for the sidelines. Jimin wipes at the sweat gathering at his hairline and resists the urge to rub at kohl-lined eyes.

“We’ve made good progress. I know this has been a challenging week with many last minute changes but - you’ve made this work. Thank you all for your hard work. For those who need reminding - we’ll meet at the theater at 3 -”

Jimin does his best to listen, he does, but he can’t resist sneaking a look in your direction. Something in him warms at the sight of your expression. You look like a child waiting to unwrap Christmas gifts, too impatient and excited to fall asleep.

He’s so enraptured by the sight, he fails to notice Wootae’s speech has ended. It’s not until the rest of the students gather their belongings and filter out of the studio that he realizes he had blanked out completely.

“ - I’ll get going then.” The friend you’re chattering with says as he nears you. She raises her brow in your direction, lips quirked into a smirk. “See you tomorrow!”

“Get home safely!”

He waits until she leaves before striking up a conversation. Honestly, Jimin feels like he’s got a schoolboy crush with the awkward and nervous way he’s acting around you.

“Dress rehearsals start tomorrow.” You break the silence after taking a generous gulp of water. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

“Why? Are you nervous?”

“Well - it is my first time dancing a solo,” you say defensively, a pout sitting on your lips.

Jimin shakes his head. “Maybe it’s easy for me to say but - don’t worry about what they’ll think. Your hard work won’t betray you.”

“Yeah.” You nod but the doubt still lingers on your face.

“I’ve seen you practice,” he insists, determined to chase away every last trace of uncertainty. “You’re good. And you have something that I lack.”

“Eh? Don’t say nonsense just to comfort me.”

“It’s true, though. Your love for dancing is different than mine.”

He trails off, wrapped up in his thoughts. After a moment of reflection, words begin to flow out of his parted mouth, unbidden.

“I think I used to be like you, once. I don’t know when that love morphed into obsession but - over the years, dance somehow became a requirement...a joyless job...the fulfillment of someone else’s expectations. The truth is, when I’m onstage, I don’t feel anything anymore.”

“Jimin...”

You’re at a loss for words, fingers twitching at your side like they’re itching to reach out and console him.

“I didn’t even notice what was missing - until I met you.”

“M-me?” you look taken aback, footsteps slowing to a halt.

Jimin hides his grin between two sips of water. He can smell the surprise in your scent, the small shift in vetiver and blackcurrant.

“You know I like you, right?”

There. He’s said it. Somehow, the confession feels liberating. The muscles in his shoulders relax, his breath evens out.

“Huh?” you splutter as your gaze meets his in stark surprise.

“I like you,” he repeats, unwavering.

He watches as his words slowly sink in and your scent lightens in response. Unlike omegas and alphas, your scent isn’t honey-sweet or overpowering in its spiciness; he can easily breathe in a lungful without feeling dizzy or nauseated. 

In truth, Jimin’s never felt more attracted to a scent in his life. The breezy, fruity notes remind him of the early days of spring when flowers begin to bud.

”You like me?”

Bewildered, you can only repeat his words back.

“I like you,” he says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Your breath catches and, briefly, you wonder if you’re caught in the tail-end of a dream, heartbeats away from waking up. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’d expected him to go back on his word and change his mind.

“If you need time, I’ll wait for you.” He brings up his hand to cup the side of your face, his touch gentle and caring. “I’m good at waiting. So take all the time you need.”

“Jimin...” You swallow, overwhelmed by his proximity. Although he’s not in costume, he hasn’t taken off his stage makeup - and the stare he levels you with - intensified by gray contacts and eyes lined with shadow and glitter - makes it hard to collect your thoughts. “I don’t need more time.”

You tilt your head, lips brushing against his inner wrist. Jimin’s eyes darken, pleased by the possessive gesture. You sniff at the air, tentative, and preen when your weak nose detects the sweet fragrance of magnolias in bloom.

“So it’s fine if I do this -”

He leans in, lips meeting yours in a tentative peck.

When you stay still, frozen, he pulls back and peruses your features for any hint of discomfort.

“It’s fine,” you say in a small voice, smiling tentatively. “More than fine.”

He wastes no time kissing you once more, his plush lips melting against your own. His other arm wraps around your waist, pressing your chests flush together, and your entire body shivers, the end of your nerves on fire.

It’s the first time someone kisses you like this - slow and sensual, like time is no longer relevant. Not that you’ve got much to compare it with - your past college hookups consisting of sloppy, half-hearted kissing in the back of bars and night clubs. They’re hazy recollections with no substance, blurry images of lips and tongues moving in clumsy coordination, void of passion and finesse.

Here, right now, it feels like your entire world is tilting on its axis. Spotlights dance behind your closed lids, tinting your existence in a kaleidoscope of colors. You wrap your arms around his neck, fingers carding through Jimin’s styled hair, and pull him towards you, needing him closer still.

Jimin nudges your mouth open with his tongue, his movements relaxed and completely unhurried. You wonder how he can be so composed when you’re seconds away from combusting on the spot. Heat builds up in your core the longer he teases you with his tongue, his muscle flicking lightly against your own before running along the roof of your mouth.

Your fingers yank at the ends his hair and he relents, pulling back to stare into your eyes. It’s almost just as bad - the intensity he pins you down with makes your body burn up and your legs quake.

“So pretty for me,” he croons, thumb tracing your quivering lips. When you try to shy away from his praise, he insists, voice firm, “Hey, hey. I’ve got you, angel.”

You relax in his hold, all loose and pliant. His voice washes over you, warm and powerful.

“Let me take care of you. I’ll make you feel so good.”

The promise of danger makes your pulse accelerate. His hand cupping your cheek trails down the curvature of your neck, fingers rubbing against your swollen scent gland, and you bite back a moan.

Anyone can walk back into the studio at any moment. You’re aware of this and yet - you can’t stop now. It’s as if his touch has lit up a wildfire beneath your skin, the fire spreading far too quickly to extinguish. You don’t - you’re not exactly sure what to do, but you know you want to draw out this moment until the very end. Maybe even further than that.

“I want you.”

“Are you sure you won’t regret it?” he presses, gaze searching.

“I trust you.”

The words almost feel too slight to convey the vastness of your emotions. Thankfully, Jimin understands. His gaze softens, fond, while his hands tighten their hold around your waist.

The sensation of his hands on you is strange and familiar all at once. When you’re dancing together, his arms are a solid force you can lean and jump into with his hands supporting and guiding you into your next movement. They never slip past your waistline like they are right now.

You gasp, open-mouthed and panting as his hand traces the curves of your hip. This is - new. But definitely not unwelcome. His touch leaves you squirming in place, trails of heat blazing across your skin.

“You’ll tell me if it’s too much, right?”

“Of course.”

You quickly realize you might have bitten off more than you could chew when Jimin’s gaze darkens, the arousal in the air thickening. You can smell how aroused he is, the sweet scent of magnolias in bloom overwhelming, and secretly you’re happy you have than effect on him.

“Come here.”

He takes you by the wrist and leads you towards the barre near the back wall. Your eyes widen as you take in your dazed expression in the mirror’s reflection. From this close up, it’s impossible to ignore how fucked-out you look with your swollen lips and hazy eyes. You almost want to look away, embarrassed, but Jimin tuts in disapproval.

“Look how pretty you are.”

His words only inflame you further. You rub your thighs together - the movement not escaping Jimin’s intense stare.

“You like that?” he says, eyes lighting up in mischief. He lets his head rest in the crook of your neck, lips brushing the curve of your ear as he continues to croon, “My pretty angel likes getting praised, huh? You like it when I tell you how fuckin’ pretty you are?”

You bite down on your lip, refusing to moan and prove him right. Although - you’re pretty sure he’s well aware of his effect on you.

“God.” He mouths at your neck, lips dangerously close to your scent gland. “You smell so good.”

“I have a smell?” Curiosity manages to break through the cloud of lust dampening your senses. It’s your first time hearing that.

“Mhm. My nose picks up beta scents.”

“What - ah - do I smell like?”

His hands reach around to squeeze your breasts. Without the thick layering of a bra, his hands easily find your nipples, pinching them through your leotard.

“Like wild blackcurrants. Freshly picked.” He moans, lips right against you ear, and the sound goes straight to your core. “You’re soaking for me.”

“J-Jimin...” His words make you squirm.

“I want to taste you from the source.”

“In here?”

The thought of someone walking in with your leotard and tights pulled down around your knees and Jimin’s head between your thighs leaves you dizzy with desire. It’s - almost too much. You shudder as you imagine yourself half-naked with your hips canted back, and Jimin squatting behind you, tongue fucking you open with his tongue.

“Dirty girl.” Jimin grins at your through the reflection. “You get off that? I can smell how wet you got.”

“I just...” you lick your lips, feeling terribly parched. “I want you to fuck me.”

Jimin’s hand around your breasts still as he registers your words. “You know... When I pictured this moment, I didn’t expect you to be this lewd.”

“I’m sorry,” you pant. You’re not even sure why you’re apologizing. You just want Jimin’s hands back on your body. Stroking, caressing, pinching. Anything is okay with you as long as he keeps touching you.

“Sorry? For wanting my dick?” Jimin huffs out a laugh, the warm breath tickling the shell of your ear. God, you want him bad.

“Yeah.” You nod, having the decency of looking shameful. “I - I thought about you all the time. But -”

Jimin’s scent flares, pleased. Your lids flutter shut as you manage to finish your confession without dying of embarrassment.

“But?” he prompts.

“It’s just - you were so serious during practice I felt bad for thinking about you like that.”

“What did you think about? Hm? Look at me.”

He pinches your right nipple and you yelp, eyes flying open. The stare that greets you in the reflection is too intense - his expression alone looks like he can’t wait to bend you over the barre and ravish you. Not that you’d be opposed but - it’s a lot to take in. You try avoiding his heated gaze but that only provokes him into abusing your tender breasts. Each forceful squeeze and twist of his fingers are a reminder to keep eye contact as you list off your list of sins.

“Just! Ah, me riding your thigh... And... I thought about sucking you off after rehearsals. Maybe.”

Those ideas seem to excite him, too. Shivers run down his back and he presses up against you from behind, making you very aware of his erection. You gulp, excitement building as you wonder what will happen next. Any of those two ideas sound appealing but you know the only way you’ll be fully satisfied is with his cock buried deep in your pussy.

“Hm...” Jimin’s fingers trail down to your thighs, expertly stimulating the scent glands located on your inner thighs.

The moan that leaves your lips is loud. Too loud. You’re sure that if there are still students standing outside the door, they’d have heard you mewl shamelessly.

“That good, huh?” Jimin smirks, sultry and smug.

“Sh- shut up.”

“Wait until I touch your cunt.”

You gasp, another moan escaping your swollen lips. He continues rubbing, teasing, his touch so good - but not enough. Breathless, you almost want to beg for more stimulation but Jimin’s stare pins you in place.

His nails seem to catch on your tights and he looks down, intrigued. “You have a hole in your tights. A small tear.”

“Yeah.” Your brows furrow as you try to reply without stuttering. “They - um - they ripped earlier this morning. I had to put some nail polish over the tear to stop it from snagging further but - they’re basically ruined.”

“Is that so?”

Jimin raises his brow and before you can try to guess what that question even means he pinches the fabric and pulls. You watch, entranced, as the hole in your tight gets larger and larger, big enough for two fists to squeeze through. Jimin uses the opportunity to snake his hand under your tights, fingers reaching for your soaked slit. His other hand pulls your leotard to the side, giving him more room for maneuver.

“What a pretty pussy.”

You moan loudly as his fingers come into contact with your core. They swipe through the wetness that’s collected between your thighs, circling back to your clitoris in messy, nonsensical patterns.

“Shit - you’re really wet.” Jimin says, awe in his voice. “Feel that? You’re sloppy.”

He runs his digits along the seam of your pussy lips, never dipping in further. You whine, frustrated by his never-ending teasing and attempt to grind your hips on his hand, hungry with desire.

A loud slap echoes in the open space.

You jolt forward from the force of his smack, your grip around the barre tightening as you lose your balance. Jimin raises a brow at you, challenging, his right hand smoothing over the sting on your ass cheek. It’s - you can feel your juices smearing down your thigh, ruining your tights.

“Don’t take more than what I give you unless you want to be spanked.”

His other hand never leaves your pussy, fingers still running through the moisture that’s pooling between your thighs. Occasionally, he’ll take mercy on your and flick your clitoris, drawing out pleasured cries from your lips.

As this little game continues, you resign yourself to play by his rules. Even if you’re dying to get fucked by his cock, Jimin’s self-control is impressive. He doesn’t look like he’s in any hurry to get off, content with playing with you at his leisure.

Just as you’re lulled into this false sense of security, his lips twist into a smirk. He gives no prior warning before plugging one finger inside your aching pussy. And it’s enough to drive you mad - the touch filling the emptiness, but not as well as would his cock. You whimper, squeezing your walls around him, hoping he’ll give you more to satiate your hunger.

“Ah - shit. You feel so good around me. Can’t wait to have you on my cock.”

The filth that escapes his lips only heightens your arousal. His every word makes you feel feverish with desire and you nod, hoping he’ll give you what you need. 

He laughs at your expression. “Yeah, you’d like it if I fed you my cock? Your little hole is so hungry. Maybe. Only if you’re good. Come on, leg up for me.”

His fingers leave your pussy and your hole clenches, feeling empty. You quickly get into the position he wants, hoping that he’ll reward your good behavior.

“Good girl. Even pointing your toes.” He chuckles, eyes bright. “I’m going to fuck you with my fingers. If you can hold this position until you orgasm, I’ll consider fucking you with my cock. How does that sound?”

Like a game from hell, you want to bite back. Your legs are stretched into a side split position. Although it’s definitely not a full split you can still feel the stretch in your muscles and you know that if Jimin starts playing with your body, you’ll have to use all of your focus just to keep your leg upright.

“You up for the challenge?”

You hesitate before nodding, catching his hungry expression in the mirror. You’re not confident you’ll win - especially since even the slightest touch is enough to make you shake all over - but you want to try.

Jimin kisses the crown of your head before his fingers return to your pussy. He doesn’t start off slowly - two fingers plunge into your hole roughly causing you to cry out as your walls flutter around the intrusion.

Obscene, wet sounds echo throughout the empty room as he fucks his fingers into your soaked cunt. You groan as you feel the strain in your muscles in you struggle to keep your leg up and your hips open.

“Jimin!” you moan brokenly, your grip around the barre tightening.

His smile widens, gaze flitting between your expression of rapture and the filthy sight of your pussy. 

“You’re doing so good, angel.” He presses open-mouthed kisses into the crook of your neck, his lips brushing against your scent gland. “Just a little more and you’ll cum for me, right?”

You can do nothing but moan as he picks up the pace, wetness dripping down his hand. It’s taking everything in you not to buck your hips in time with his thrusts, your every thought consumed by the pressing need to cum. His fingers just feel too good. Jimin definitely knows what he’s doing; his fingers aren’t aimlessly poking around. He rubs his digits against your walls, brushing up against you sweet spot. Not every time - but enough to keep you on edge.

Your mind goes hazy, lost in the pleasure, and your grip around the bar starts to slip. Your left leg shakes from the strain of holding it in position.

“Careful now,” Jimin says but thumbs your clitoris, watching in delight as you slowly start to fall apart for him. “I can feel you tighten.”

“Let me cum, please. Ah!”

“No one’s stopping you. Go on, then. Cum.”

He removes his fingers from your walls and focuses all of his skills on your clitoris, rubbing hard and fast. His movements are so quick it’s like he’s got a vibrating egg pressed up against your pussy. How is he real? you think before your brain stops working, muscles locking up as your orgasm crashes into you.

Pleasure bursts behind your closed lids and you hear yourself yell out his name. Your leg falls from the barre as you spasm, but Jimin doesn’t let that deter him. He pushes you forward against the barre so that you’re leaning against it.

“Hey. Who told you to close your eyes?” Jimin chastises as his fingers continue to rub and pluck your clitoris.

At his command, you force your eyes open. Immediately, you have no choice but to take note of your debauched expression - face still contorted in pleasure, drool running past the side of your opened mouth. It’s shocking. An hour ago, your hair had been perfectly tied back, your appearance impeccable. Now, your promiscuous appearance is almost shameful.

Jimin finally slows down his movements and you take the much needed break to finally breathe.

It’s a struggle getting your heartbeat back to normal. You still feel the aftershocks of the orgasm, light shivers that run down your neck and back, while your slick walls occasionally twitch, wetness seeping out of your puffy cunt.

Jimin also doesn’t help. You watch, unable to look away as he brings his hand up to his mouth and licks it clean. Something in your belly twists at the sight, dark and possessive. The thought of the two of you sharing each other’s scents pleases you more than you ever imagined it would.

“You were perfect.” He kisses the side of your face and you try not to melt under his praise. “Let’s go get dressed?”

You try to stand properly without the aid of the barre but stumble, legs almost giving out. Jimin catches you easily, amusement dancing on his face.

“If I can’t dance properly tomorrow, you better take responsibility,” you mutter.

“Hey. Why did you think I didn’t give you my cock tonight?”

You look down and stare at his very prominent bulge. The white tights leave nothing to the imagination - just the sight has your mouth watering. When you meet his gaze, he looks amused by your reaction.

“You know... I don’t need my voice to dance well.” You flutter your lashes, expectant.

“Anyone tell you you’re a dirty girl?”

“No. Only you.”

He growls as he kisses you, lips melting into a smile. Stars shine in his eyes when he pulls back, his expression melting into adoration.

“Only mine.”

.

.

.

❆ we’ll melt the sand at the bottom of the sea, we’ll dance to fight the despair over the frozen asphalt city ❆

.

.

Everywhere around you it’s a whirlwind of movement. Dancers mill about the wings as they work their arches and stretch their limbs to keep their bodies warm. Some scurry from dancer to dancer as they conduct last-minute costume check-ups.

Only you stay immobile, fear rooting you in place. The feeling is as unfamiliar as it is unwelcome; you've never experienced stage fright in your life. Never, not once.

Admittedly, you’ve always been a part of the corps or running around backstage, using your minimal sewing skills to help out with last minute costume adjustments. You’ve never had the spotlight directed towards you, potentially highlighting your every misstep.

The moment the overhead projectors dim and Wootae motions at you to find your mark, your heart feels like it’ll burst from your rib cage. All of a sudden, your legs feel weak, like they’ll give out at any given moment. You don’t know how you’ll be able to walk across the stage with trembling limbs - let alone balance en pointe.

Just as you gather your courage to step onto center stage, someone grabs your hand and squeezes tightly.

“You’re overthinking.” When you turn around, Jimin’s gaze on yours is unwavering - a stable constant that tethers you to reality. “Nothing matters now but the music.”

The words strike a chord within you. They’re comforting, familiar. Words you’ve thought to yourself a thousand times but needed to hear said to you.

His thumb rubs circles over the back of your hand, his inner wrist brushing up against the sensitive skin of your own, and your lips part open in surprise. Scenting is a subtle and intimate act generally reserved for lovers - a universal sign you’ve claimed someone as your own.

“J-Jimin...”

“I believe in you.” His eyes gleam in the dark like two bright stars. “Let’s do our best today too, okay?”

You’re unable to respond, still struck dumb by his actions, his words, and the realization that you’ll soon be dancing in front of a real, live audience in a few minutes. It all seems too surreal.

The past week comes back to you in flashes of color and sound - Jimin’s hands on your hips as he lifts you high into the air, the familiar opening notes of Tchaikovsky’s March, Wootae’s careful corrections as he monitors your solo. All these memories rush in, melting away the shards of self-doubt that had taken root in your heart.

Jimin’s right. You’ve shed sweat and tears preparing for this part. All the extra hours spent before and after rehearsals perfecting your dancing have brought you here. There’s no reason to start doubting yourself now.

Your lips bloom into a smile and Jimin, in turn, squeezes your hand one last time.

.

.

.

[bloom-bloom-pow]

enhypen as people from my hs

honestly high school was a blast for me and i just want to apologize to anyone who was in high school when covid hit 💔 i made so many memories and i was feeling nostalgic because i was listening to onoffonoff by keshi which released when i was in high school 😭 gOD im old 

heeseung

there was this one kid who was an actor and was always in the school theater performances (our school was focused on the arts so he looked really good 😩) he had the nicest brown eyes and i tHinK his name was isaac but he had this slight british accent and everyone thought he was really attractive 😭 i tried making small talk until i found out he was two years older than me and had a super pretty gf who lived in britain 💔 he didn't have a lot of friends because he was new and was the environmental club's leader but i swear... everyone had a crush on him 🤠 and heeseung kNOWS he's a popular, pretty boy..

jay

gives me my friend mikey vibes, he was my first friend in high school... he saw me walking in the halls like 😫 and he was like do you want some meatballs? i stress made 75 meatballs.. please eat some with me... and BOOM yeah my first friend of high school over meatballs 😭 he was so funny and tutored me in spanish 😣 he wasn't even that good himself... i wasn't paying him tho so it didn't matter... if anyone tried to cancel him he would lift up his shirt bc everyone was in awe of his abs and we would all just shut up. i can see jay do this in the future, like i just know he checks himself out... 😭

jay

omg one of mikey's good friends was named elliot and elliot was one of the absolute nicest people i have ever met like he drinks his respect women juice 🤠and he accidentally told his baseball team we were dating so we had to fake date for a while and break it off (nothing romantic actually happened) and one time i was walking with him and his friends to the market but his baseball members asked if he wanted a ride 😳 he was going to get in but then he realized i wouldn't be able to ride and so he sacrificed a car ride for a friend 😭 also we got pizza every week.. idk yall but jake screams this type of energy

sunghoon

i was friends with this guy named steven and we were neighbors and i was so in awe with him because he was literally good at everything !! dance captain, cross country star, one of the smartest in our grade, amazing painter, bassoon section leader, funny, like what 😭 he dated my ex best friend all throughout middle and high school (they're married now..) but literally i was surprised every time he could do something else perfectly 😩 i didn't know sunghoon was an ice skater for a pretty long time and when i found out i was like 😥 what can't this boy do.. literally so talented and v v heartthrob 

sunoo

this babyboy reminds me of one of my closest friends now that i met in my freshman math class named kelly 🤩 kelly unni if you're reading this ily but like fr this girl would smile all the time and offer me snacks while learning stupid stuff like parabolas and blah 🙄 for any special holiday/bday she would always give out ramen noodle packs and can i mention she dances so well ?? we spent most of our time talking about seventeen who had just debuted i think (omfg) and this one boy named john who she really liked 💀 very cute and foodie vibes, we still rant to each other all the time 😣

jungwon

omfg this is literally my friend sam 😭 so so competitive and  took like almost 12 aps during hs and i highkey miss him 😭 so over competitive to an amount i had to become his therapist every spring 💀 had an INSANE obsession with twice and joshua hong and was friends with furries his freshman year.. highkey bad at texting still to this day and the only reason why i passed chemistry and was my prom date bc i got dumped a week before people could buy prom tickets 🥺 he was a really good friend.. the work ethic screams yang jungwon 😍 also a surprisingly good dancer despite being tall,, 

ni-ki

honestly gives me vibes of the girl who always asked for math homework 5 mins before it was due (i forgot her name 😭) but she was really funny and loud and apparently she got a lot of likes on musically (DO U GUYS REMEMBER?? I WAS IN HS😣) so nobody could really say no to her also she was on cheer and very hot so how could i say no ?? 😢 i let her copy off me for popularity 💀 but yea after using my for a good grade she gave me a hug and a giftcard and i was literally like WHQJSHWHWB????? idk just her chill vibe gives me ni-ki vibes 🤩

[lucyhq]

hiiiii loves, i’m aimee and this is my baby lucy !!! pls plot with me while i watch brooklyn nine nine for the 7th time. also this is long bc i ramble a lot, i apologize in advanced… love me?

chicago’s very own lucille “lucy” withers has been spotted on madison avenue driving a ferrari dino 206 gt , welcome ! your resemblance to lennon stella is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re taciturn , but also being benevolent might help you . i think being a scorpio explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be half smoked cigarettes , middle of the night adventures , behaving recklessly .

trigger warning for: cancer, loss of a parent and eating disorder mentions.

THE BACKSTORY

lucille withers was born on october 31st to jenny and vincent withers. she was their third and final child, the only girl and they couldn’t have been more overjoyed.

they raised their children in chicago with vacation home by the beach in malibu where they spent most of their summers.

the withers family was quite wealthy – vincent being a big time corporate lawyer and jenny being a respectable editor for a fashion magazine. however, the three children were raised as normally as possible ( if you ignored their massive house and the fact that they were encouraged to participate in more sports and activities than they had time for ).

lucy grew up in dance classes, piano lessons, figure skating, she was a cheerleader in school and she spent a lot of time volunteering at animal shelters as her parents instilled in all their children the value of giving back to their community.

when lucy was six her mother became very ill, cancer cells attacking her brain on progressing quickly. they made her comfortable for as long as possible but just three days after lucy’s seventh birthday her mother passed away in the night.

things changed after that, her brothers were constantly getting into fights at school and lashing out, her father was rarely home any more always working and little lucy was doing everything in her power just to keep the peace. the seven year old made herself invisible to not cause any more problems at home.

things changed again a few years later once her brothers left for college and lucy entered high school.

their dad got married. he’d met a woman with two children of her own and vincent withers was smitten, combining their lives with these other people suddenly. he was paying more attention to this lady and her children than he ever had to lucy and her brothers, only her brothers weren’t there to truly experience any of it.

lucy felt like an intruder in her own home, her childhood home – where her mother walked the halls and played hide and seek with them. where her oldest brother punched a hole in the wall and they still hadn’t fixed it, just put a picture over it.

the young withers did the only thing she knew how to do, it had worked for her brothers after all, she became the problem child. they couldn’t ignore her if she was starting fights at school, smoking in the girl’s bathroom and coming home drunk on a tuesday.

all it did though was cause her new step mother to shriek about parenting and blame lucy’s mom. it caused lucy to become more isolated from her family and to lash out more. her dad couldn’t see her cry for help or how all she wanted was his attention.

she couldn’t even count how many times she’s heard “why can’t you be more like lydia.” ( her perfect step sister ).

it got to the point where she began to go on hunger strikes, refusing to sit and eat with her “family” and controlling the only thing she felt she could – food.

eventually they’d had enough and sent her off to boarding school in london. she spent two years there in an all girls prep school. but even they couldn’t control the young withers girl. they viewed her as a lost cause.

by the time she was a senior in high school, lucy withers had a terrible reputation and was back in the united states to stir up all the trouble she could manage. only when she came home it wasn’t to chicago but new york city, where her family had moved during her time away.

the only thing that kept her from completely going off the rails was her ever growing social media fan base, where she posted pictures on instragram of her rebellious lifestyle and impeccable style.

SOME FACTS ABOUT LUCY

with over four million instagram followers to her name, being in new york has aided her social media career, though lucy hasn’t shed her rebellious ways.

she cares so much about people and animals and all living things – she wants to help people. she has a massive heart and honestly, it’s her biggest weakness. if her social media career hadn’t taken off so fast she would have gone into nursing.

her big heart causes her to get hurt easily, she doesn’t like to show that she cares because then it sets herself up to be hurt. she pretends to not care about anything or anyone but when she’s at the nursing home or the animal shelter, you really get to see that soft side of her.

after fainting from mal-nutrition when she was sixteen and away at school, lucy now uses that because she knows it’s a sure way to have her father pay attention to her for a few hours. but also it  get’s her out of doing things she doesn’t want to do – lucy will starve herself. it makes people pay attention to her and she takes twisted joy in that.

despite her rebelliousness and how much of a hot mess she is, she takes her career very very seriously. she works herself sick, making sure she’s constantly uploading new content and always looks her best. she’s always looking for ways to stay on top of her game.

she volunteers at the nursing home twice a week, her soft side really comes out when she’s helping the seniors, making them laugh and smile.

lucy is allergic to cats, tomatoes and is lactose intolerant. she’s also vegetarian and tries really hard to eat vegan as much as possible ( when she does eat ).

her brothers have always been her best friends, she would do literally anything for them.

her favourite colour is yellow, her favourite flower is a sunflower, her favourite food is coffee, her favourite song is burning love by elvis presley and her favourite season is summer.

she hates snakes, pickles, when people cuss too much and people spend all their time complaining or talking about someone else negatively.

her bloodstream is 98% coffee

stops to pet all the dogs

is the most loyal friend you will ever meet once you win her over, would take a bullet for you

acts tough but is really very soft

hOT MESS

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS

people that know her from chicago before she left for school.

her older brothers’ friends – we could make this fun or angsty ( maybe she hooked up with one of them and her brother still doesn’t know ), like it really could be good.

her brothers or step siblings !!

ex boyfriends, good, bad or one sided. give me them all. though bad terms would be fun and maybe they ended because of lucy’s inability to really open up and deal with her shit. he could have gotten sick of her attention seeking. being with lucy would be draining.

some good influences, someone needs to tell this mess to calm down and stop ruining her life all because of things she can’t control.

party buddies, someone she can drag out to the clubs on a tuesday night or is always down to get drunk or high with her.

someone she can just be real with, someone she can talk to openly and honestly, but also someone who does the same with her. they just talk and let each other get things off their chest without judgement or fear they’ll go telling someone else.

maybe a fellow volunteer at the nursing home ??

someone who picks up drunk lucy and makes sure this mess gets to her bed at the end of the night and doesn’t end up drowning in a ditch or something like that

and of course she needs best friends and a squad, don’t we all.

maybe a current boyfriend?

one night stands

a childhood best friend that knew lucy when she was a happy, loving child – was there when she tried to become invisible during her preteen years and then watched her fall apart in high school and progressively get to where she is now.

anything else you might have in mind i’m really open to all ideas tbh

just come love me and lucy

pretty please

[adhdvane]

i don’t think i’ve screamed enough about how much i love haaselia like her fucking story, i fucking cried, especially during encounter v, like holy fucking christ, pls my queen i am 1000 fucking percent here for you revenge you do not need to hide it from me. her and the moon having that conversation about how her best course of action is not to be empress but set her brother up to rule and use him as a puppet (even her brother’s bio lists her under his likes and on her bio he is listed under her dislikes.), the causal laughter, her prepared to manipulate her brother’s unconditional love to execute her uncle and his associates, the fact during the entire conversation she’s painting a landscape of home and then rips it up as “her way of declaring war on her targets.” and now that i’ve actually had her for a while and actually got to use her in battle goddamn. her switch in sup skill, that gives her her special buff torah. i knew it said indefinite on it but i honestly thought it would get consumed for some reason. but of course it doesn’t.... she gets to forever cast her skills twice. and goddamn man. double delay, or delay and grant unchallenged, veil, mirror image, and (3000) shield to an ally, or grant those to two allies. plus the delay having bewitching moonlight that stacks on the enemy up to 3, give me that permanent local atk/def/debuff resist/and accuracy down. hhh and phases of the moon just getting to cast it twice in a row can speed up what phase the moon is on to increase bewitching moonlights buff, but also +30% chargebar (+15% x2), and honestly with her ougi also starting the moon phase it’s like almost always up. now i just need to figure a decent replacement for my baha dagger nova since she doesn’t benefit from it as a harvin, i need to do some calculating though to decided if i’d benefit more from another omega weapon skill, or a second normal modifier

(since right now im looking at 3 ex (both xeno + the llsif dagger), 5 omega daggers (1 sk20 4 sk15, but i am hoping to start replacing them with at least 2 magna ii harps, i currently have 1 3* one and 2* stashed so i just need one more copy but then also 20 fucking europa omega anima to 4* both of them uhg), xuanwu malus sk15 for a normal, and baha dagger coda that also counts as “normal”) (i’ve thought about a varuna grid, and honestly, i have like some decent weapons stashed that “””could”””” be used to build one, i’ve got 3 0* blue spheres, and more recently now i have a copy of pholia’s bow, and i know lily’s staff can be good filler, but that is so many fucking damas needed. and like actually executing the idea of a varnua grid almost hurts bc of how annoying and slow it has been for me to work on those europa harps (granted it wasn’t like i was going hard farming those, but i’ve had to farm too much europa omega anima for my liking bc of the lev 4* summon and the moon 4* step the grind is painful especially when you hit your prestige pendent limit for the week and so you can even be like well at least im getting pendents and it becomes neat some archangel weapons and my 820th genesis fragment, bc anima drop rate without a host or mvp is garbage and even with host or mvp is still not great, and don’t hold your breath on it being in the share chest) also when it comes to considering future primal grids i think i have a better base for a potential zeus grid if i save and use damas on my 3 copies of 0* eden, and my second copy of 0* cirtificus ((i already have a 4* one in my light grid that i also use as a mainhand for berserker/lumberjack set ups)) but then in that case it’s like but my magna light grid is so stupid and and perfect for rising force with my dumb ass harps (and cosmic harp) and light was the element i invested the class champion weapon in that hhh uhg. for now im good with dark and fire being my two primal grids, and god i just need that second sunlightstone so i can justify 3*ing and then 4* my 2* agni summon bc not enough ppl have 4* agni supports so it would make my life easier plus just good call, but like im not using my single sunlightstone now bc what if i somehow draw my third copy. i’ll be able to get my next sunlightstone during the next gw tho it sucks bc I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE 4* AGNI BEFORE IT, but last gw was a shitshow bc despite how much i actually did in the prelims bc april gw has an insane fucking spike bc anniversary shit has more people playing so despite doing more in the prelims than i ever did before i had to do a thing called sleep and got edged out. but i should have expected bc last april was 48, tho last april was also top 25k not top 36k but you know oh well)

but back to deciding what the fuck i would replace my baha dagger with, i wonder if maybe pholia’s grand weapon would do good, even for lev grid, esp bc of right now i don’t know how much a 6th omega weapon would really help, my water team weapon proficiency is too spread to consider an ultima weapon as a base in the grid, then there is the thought of drak opus, bc it would fill the atk and hp void, while also affecting haaselia, but then thats when i got to ask, do i invest it in being magna or primal. damage wise which would actually help more in a magna summon grid, bc i keep teetering in these parts where i’m not 100% sure, esp when i eventually swap out two of the daggers for harps, bc going magna would make up for that, and i guess then i could justify it as my one magna weapon in a primal grid if i ever go to varuna. though, as of right now, i’m not going to touch working on another dark opus weapon with a 10 foot pole bc i still need to finish dealing with my dark one, it’s just been a chore getting the last 3 avatar omega anima for the 4* bc avatar anima hates me so much. and even then i need to sk it up to 15 before i feel good about putting it in my dark grid to replace mistilteinn which has been old ass filler since the dawn of time but it’s sk 15 oblivian atk old ass filler. and i haven’t even sk 15 my dark opus eath harp it’s only sk 12 but i wanted it for mainhand so i didn’t care about putting it in before. i just have lots of ssr fodder and no sr fodder, i was scraping the side stories for sr weapons to finish getting flamescyth to sk 20 (bc they’re cheaper than the skill shards bc they only cost the first item and i can get more for cheaper than a single upgrade jewel bc there’s more than one sr weapon and again i don’t need the second item. and i was just doing things on ones i had left over items on, i get literally just enough to hit 20, but i stopped at wmtsb2 so there’s a couple i can still check and i guess i can actually farm ok i need to stop

[davidelizabethbowiestrider]

Jealousy

(Michael gets jealous easily and has trust issues bc of Jeremy and the squip so after rich realizes this when talking about an ex, reassures Michael that he won’t leave him - prompt from @necktiesashonesiesweaterpaws )

“Okay so, I don’t want to like startle you with new and wild information, but there’s a feral looking blonde cheerleader following you, Rich.” Michael’s words are spoken softly, as though worried the girl trailing after Rich will hear him and attack, and Rich glances over his shoulder at her before returning his attention to his boyfriend, an amused look on his face. “You mean Stephanie? She’s just my ex, she moved and she’s back visiting her grandparents. Steph, Michael. Michael, Steph.” Stephanie gives Michael a little wave, and Michael edges a step closer to Rich as he eyes her up. 

“Uh. Hi.” He notes that Rich doesn’t call him his boyfriend-is he embarrassed to be dating him? He could understand why, with this perky, pretty girl standing before him. He measures himself against her physically and...well. 

She’s slim, classically beautiful. Really pretty, and she looks like she actually cares about her appearance...the same of which can not be said about himself. Rich has never mentioned this ex before; he can’t remember them dating in school, but he spent so much time in his own little bubble of two that it could have happened at any time before Jeremy had gotten his own Squip and Michael wouldn’t have noticed. 

“Hi! Richie didn’t tell me we were meeting up with a friend. Aren’t you that kid who always wore his headphones in class?” He nods, awkwardly shifting on his heels as he’s given a look over, and he can feel the jealousy bubbling in his stomach at the overly fond look Rich is giving her. 

“Yeah, that’s sure me. Antisocial Headphones Kid. I didn’t know Rich was bringing a friend along on our...hanging out time.” He glances at his boyfriend, his look fifty shades of ‘why is this cheerleader here on our date in which you promised me we’d finally be alone?’ that seems to pass right over Rich’s head. 

“I thought she could hang with us while she’s down! C’mon, Micha, it’s just for a day or two.” Rich seems excited at the prospect, flashing the widest smile Michael’s seen from him in weeks at Stephanie, and Michael suddenly feels like he’s intruding. 

Intruding on his own date.

With his own boyfriend.

Well, he’d THOUGHT Rich was his boyfriend. They’d been going out for three weeks now, and he thought things had been going great. Rich never pressured him into being social or doing things he didn’t want to do, and they snuggled and watched movies. Made out sometimes. Got a little handsy under the stairwell once or twice. But now, Rich is moving past him, offering Stephanie his arm, and Michael can’t help but notice...well. How good they look together. How Rich guides her with practiced ease, as though he were meant to be with her. He’s reminded of how awkward he is. How he can see Rich longing to go out to parties, to not be stuck sitting in a secluded basement for hours on end. How Rich has dated many, many pretty girls and could definitely date someone more attractive than Michael. 

It wouldn’t take much. Michael knows what he looks like, and it’s not like it’d be the first time he was tossed aside for a pretty girl.

Instead of bringing his thoughts on the matter up, he takes a few steps away from the duo. “Hey, actually you guys should catch up without me. I can call Jer, see if he wants to hang.” Rich frowns, and Michael waves him off with a small smile. “Really. You should spend time with your friend. It’s cool. We can hang out another day.” He turns, starts leaving and is almost past the pretzel cart when his arm is grabbed from behind, causing him to flinch. Rich releases his arm almost immediately, a confused look on his face as Micahel turned to look at him. 

“Hey, did I say something to make you think you should leave? I wanted you to stay, Michael.” Michael looks past Rich, to where Stephanie is standing awkwardly near the mall fountain, and gives a little huff. 

“Why would you want me to stay when you have her there? She’s pretty and you clearly like her enough to invite her along on our date.” Rich’s face falls, and Michael rubs his arm self consciously, gaze dropping. “I get it. She’s obviously way cooler than me, why wouldn’t you want to spend time with her instead?” Rich moves to take Michael’s hands, forcing him to look at him, and Michael sighs. “Hey, no. She’s just here for a few days, and none of her old friends have time for her while she’s down. I didn’t think when I invited her along, and I’m sorry Michael. I definitely do not want to spend time with her over you, because I really, really like you.” Michael shrugs, though he does turn his gaze to Rich instead of the white and black tiles under their feet. “Is that why you didn’t correct her when she called me your friend?” Rich’s brows furrow as he takes in the words, and he glances back at Stephanie before turning his attention to his boyfriend. 

“I didn’t think it would bother you. I’m sorry.” Michael bites his lip, and Rich tugs his hands some. “I didn’t want her to get too jealous of the fact that I’m totally dating the hottest, sweetest, coolest guy ever. She’s already totally jealous of how much I talked about you on the ride here.” Michael can help but blush at that, the thought of Rich talking about him like that to the pretty ex girlfriend still hovering around the fountain, and he gives him a half smile. 

“Oh. Well. I guess we can’t have her get too jealous or whatever.” Rich grins, wide and toothy, and pulls Michael down into a short kiss. “I can’t believe YOU were jealous, though. YOU. Michael Mell.” Michael wrinkles his nose, and Rich laughs as he wraps an arm around him. “I promise, I do not want to spend time with anyone but you. Steph is just...here for a few days. Can you try to be nice to her?” Michael sighs, but gives a nod as Rich starts to lead him back to the girl waiting for them. 

The least he can do is try.

[tender-blooming-devotions]

soft soft hours (a lot of soft feelings under the cut)

okay, i just. i really wanna say things. bc i’m really soft and grateful for things. and, well, i need to think about things that aren’t my current living situation.....

i have made a few friends here, on tumblr. and sure, perhaps one of them uh... did not work out. but, yknow what? it’s... it’s okay. i still have a few that haven’t left, and the possibility to meet others as well!

to the new mutuals that followed me recently: hello! i’m really glad that you decided to follow me, whether it be because of finding me at random or through my promo post or some other reason! it truly means so so much to me. i’m hoping that my classes calm down so that i can have a more regular posting/interacting schedule rather than, well, spamming notifications once or twice a day, and i hope to get to know you all better as well!

to the mutuals i have from that ex-friend situation: i won’t specifically say their urls but, they know who they are <3 i need to tell you just how grateful i am that you decided to stick around instead of blocking me and never speaking to me again. i was a little worried that first day, i’ll be honest. i honestly had no idea what was going on, it was kind of traumatizing, in a way (that might be an overexaggeration but, i haven’t felt so frazzled and upset since. well. traumatic events that happened previously). but you guys... instead of taking a side, you comforted us both, and that really takes a lot of dedication and skill. i really want you to know i appreciate you so much. thank you. <3

to my bestest friends: it’s been a wild week of me panicking a lot, and honestly? i have no idea how you have put up with all my bullshit, especially on the first day. but despite how unconsolable i was, you still tried. i tell you guys this every day that i talk to you, but i’ll say it again: i love you so, so much. i really don’t think i could imagine a life without you guys in it, that’s just how attached i am at this point. thank you for sticking with me and supporting me 100% no matter what. 

to the friend that randomly dragged me into FFVII hell: you’ll never see this post, because i’m too afraid to tell you about self shipping habits that i have, but... even so, i’m so happy that you let me watch you play FFVII remake. we had a lot of fun calling for seven hours straight, then nine hours straight the next day... we really did go feral with that game, huh? i’ve known you since high school... since middle school, actually. you introduced me to dan//ganron//pa, which led to my pers//ona 3/4/5 phase, which led to the jj//ba and b//sd hours i had so much of... it’s funny, i still have all of the notes you gave to me during our junior/senior years, most of which are just koki//chi sketches, and it made me a bit sad when we graduated bc i was worried we would drift apart, and we did for a while, but... now, everything’s back to normal, and i care you,,,,, i care you a lot <3

to my ex-mutual, if she reads this: hey. things kind of... ended really badly, huh? i know, you’re expecting me to blame you for it, but honestly? no... i need to apologize for being so hot-headed about the situation. it had already been a rather horrible day and... i didn’t really mean for things to go that way. regardless, we’re not friends anymore... and, well, i know you don’t miss me, and i want you to know that it’s okay. i hope you can move on from this, perhaps stop checking my blog after this post, because this is where i reassure you... i’m not going to trash you or your blog. in fact, i think you deserve positive attention, even if we blew up at each other. i truly hope that you can find someone better than me, someone that’s a bit less stressed out and anxious all the time. i already miss you, so much, yknow, but... i really do understand. good luck out there, yeah? i still believe in you no matter what.

[jiminsfault]

50 questions tag

I got tagged by @yoongs-jeontae ! Thank you💖

What colors is your hairbrush? It’s like a brown-ish shimmery color? Idk o.o

What food would you never eat? I probably would never be able to eat the meat of rabbits or deers, sheep and that kind of stuff

Are you usually hot or cold? I’m always a cozy crispy amount of warmth under my blanket. But when I’m outside I go from both extremes because I’m super sensitive so, spring/summer: always hot, autumn/winter: always cold. There is no inbetween

What did you do 45 minutes ago? I was in an online class and got math tutoring🤠 it was horrible thanks for asking my brain is fried

Favorite chocolate? The really dark kind. It’s the only chocolate I’ll ever really crave. I can bear milk chocolate if I have to

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? I hAve actually omg! It was a handball game and super boring, I didn’t know whats going on ever and only clapped when everyone else did🤡 (I was forced by my ex to tag along I absolutely hate sports)

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Oh my god, that was horrible” right after I ended the call with my teacher skckjs

Favorite ice cream flavor? Brownie fudge? Is that what it’s called? The chocolate ice cream with brownie pieces in it, it’s so fUcking gOOD sorry for cursing it’s necessary

What was the last thing you drank? Some nice crispy wAter

What kind of wallet do you have? A small black one because I didn’t think about practicality when buying it. Currently looking for a bigger one.

What was the last thing you ate? I actually have no clue if that’s the english word for it but kebab? IT’S DÖNER IN GERMAN

Did you buy clothes last weekend? I haven’t bought clothes in months actually omg

What was the last sports event you saw? I watched the soccer game that’s like a really big thing back in 2018 🤠🤠

Who was the last person you texted? My mom cus she’s out buying groceries and asked me what kind of ice cream I want kekdjejd

Do you like camping? I despise camping with my entire being. When I was little my mom always forced me to go on 500 camping trips a year and I feel the biggest rage in me when I think about all the bugs and uncomfortable nights I- will not continue talking about this now.

Do you eat vitamins? No, like not at all. Not one vitamin has entered my body in a few weeks. I used to have these tablets that disappear in water but I stopped drinking that because I only take them bc of my muscles and currently I’m not leaving the house so,,, don’t need them >:)

When was the last time you traveled? The last time I full on traveled like outside of the country was in 2018 when my class went to italy because of our graduation 🤠 trauma

Do you like sunbathing? I can’t really answer that because if I sunbathe I will burn. Like literally I’m getting a sunburn just from walking to the train on a sunny day if I don’t have the strongest suncream on??? My skin is very🤡 so yeah idk if I like it? Never tried

Asian or Italian food? Asian food absolutely. I’m not sure about italian food because I just don’t know anything about italian kitchen but I dO knOw that theres so much variety with asian food? And so far I’ve loved every asian dish I’ve tried so,,

Do you drink soda? Nope. I stopped drinking soda four years ago I think because my skin was sO bad and I gained weight so quickly without eating a lot so I stopped drinking soda and tada! Barely getting pimples now😎 also it’s just tastier like my mouth doesn’t stick anymore and I don’t literally feel the sugar on my teeth?? (Although I do sometimes sip on a bit of coke but only on special occasions)

What color socks are you wearing now? White with a very,, aqua? blue stripe? And the name of the brand in the same color🤠 fashion

When was the last time you were speeding? I don’t drive🤡😔

What are you afraid of? Everything pretty much. Commitment, people leaving me, talking to people, failing, succeeding, should I continue?

What can you see if you turn left? A lot? It’s inside my room (my bed is in the right corner) but first thing would be my switch cus she laying next to me

What kind of housework you like the least? I actually love housework? At least the things that I do. Like I never mow the lawn because that’s not my job yknow? But I like emptying and filling the dish washer, cleaning pans in the sink, doing the laundry, wiping the floor. Maybe I should become a maid?

What is the first thing you think of when you hear someone talking in a language you don’t know? I try to hear what language it is, like I try guessing at least. Of course I don’t know what every language sounds like but it’s a fun little game I have for myself when I’m bored in public transpo

Do you sleep on your back or side? On my right side towards the wall. At least at night, when I take a nap I sleep on my left side towards the room. Idk why pls don’t ask me, I can’t fall asleep otherwise.

You crave fast food, where do you go? So around where I live there aren’t a lot of options? Also in germany in general we don’t have the fast food fest that america has, so I always go for either Mcdonald’s or Subway.

What is your lucky number? 5. I don’t know when it became my favorite/lucky number but somehow at some point in time it’s become the number I always use when someone wants me to guess or answer a question, I use it for picking things and all that🤡🤠 maybe it’s because it sounds rly funny in german

Who was the last person you talked to? In person my mom cus she’s the only one I see nowadays. On the phone would be two of my friends and I also talked to my tutoring teacher through discord so? Pick👁👁

Do you eat meat? I would say no if I wouldn’t sometimes do slip some meat in. It’s very rare and a small amount when I do. Idk how this developed because I used to eat meat multiple times a week but at some point I started only eating chicken and only in smaller amounts and sometimes not even once in two weeks. I eat fish tho? Does that count?

What was the last song you listened to? “Love without tragedy/mother mary” by rihanna because I was feeling the 10’s last night at 5am🤠

Last book? I actually just tried to find the english title of it but I can’t find any sign of it being translated so,, “der Totenzeichner” by Veit Etzold. I read this book twice, once in 9th grade and once just recently and I will not get enough of it. Another one of his books “Final cut” is laying on my bedside table waiting for me to start it. He’s an iconic author.

What is your favourite day of the week? If we were speaking from when it’s a regular routine and I would go to uni, I’d say Monday. I know I sound like a psycho but saying friday or saturday is my favorite day is basic because obviously everyone loves the weekend. Monday is a great day usually because my day starts in third period and does still go 6 classes like regular days but it feels nice to go into uni later in the day so I always appreciate it. (Tho saturday do be hitting different)

Do you know the alphabet song backwards? I don’t even know it forwards 🤡😔

Favorite coffee/tea? I don’t drink coffee but my favorite tea is probably fennel tea, everyone I know hates it, especially without sugar but I love it :(

Favourite shoes? From the ones I personally own I’d say my nike zoom 2ks because they look good and are super comfortable. Shoes that I wish I would have would be Dr. Martens but I’m pOor🤡 I am absolutely a whore for sneakers so I won’t even start listing all the sneakers I love

When do you usually go to sleep? If I’m on schedule around 11-12pm of actually going into the bed physically and falling asleep 30/40 minutes later. While I’m now constantly at home I do still physically get into bed at the same time but I stay up from 2-7am depending on how fun people are, if I play a game, if I read/draw, have a series or movie to watch. I’m insane I am aware🤡

When do you usually wake up? Again, when I’m on schEdule I wake up mondays and tuesdays at 6.30am, from wednesday to friday at 6.10am, on the weekend around 10am. Right now? It’s a surprise everyday. Sometimes I’m up at 4pm, sometimes I’m up at 10am, today I was actually super early with 9.30 so😎

Sunrise or sunset? That’s actually so hard because I do see the sunset a lot more than rise since I have my rOllÄdEn down so I don’t actually remember what a sunrise looks like. Because I have no other choice I say sunset. With doubt.

Do you like your bed soft or hard?  I thINK my bed is hard? I once laid on a friend’s bed that was super soft and I’m pretty sure I didn’t like it

Describe the plate you are eating from? They’re from ikea. They’re white with like blue swirls idk my mom bought them I didn’t make the decisions

Your favorite type of alcohol? Currently I don’t really drink alcohol (mainly because of the lack of opportunities) bUt when I do drink I really like sweet sparkling wine (I googled this I’m not sure if that’s the right word idkd)

Do you like board games? Depending on which people I play with. If a person is getting angry that they’re losing it makes the game absolutely suck and since I’m surrounded by those people I haven’t made good memories with board games kcjdjs,,, if the company is fun I like the games too tho

If you had a car, what kind would it be? Unrealisticly I’d love to own a Lamborghini Aventador or Urus because those cars are just mouth-watering to me. Since I most likely won’t ever be able to afford either of those, I’d love to have a Fiat 500. I fell in love with this car like,,, it’s so cute and the inside is pretty too so everything fits for me the way I want it to. I’ll have to settle for a way less nice car tho once I get a license, at least for a while🤡

Do you know how to change car tires? In theory yes

Dream country? Like to live in? Damn idk. I’d love to live in a country with like,, cULTURE you know? Something exciting and cool to look at, less stuck up people almans be really boring 🤡 so maybe something like spain or italy, maybe america if yall vote for a different president. Japan or Korea would be super cool too I- the whole world ma’am? I couldn’t live in countries like idk hawaii or sumn because of the heat so I’ll just mfing stay in germany😔😔

If you could choose from any jobs in the world, what would you like to do? If I would have the chance I’d love to become an actor because that just seems super cool. But like I’m not nearly attractive enough for people to want to look at me on a scEen so nO

What would you like to try to do? I’m pretty set on trying to learn how to dance like that’s probably not as exciting as other things I could do but :/ yeh idk

And what is stopping you? Literally just me being lazy and talking myself into believing I won’t be good without even trying nsncjsks (also yes I seperated these questions because otherwise it wouldn’t be 50)

thIs was sO mUch omg sjjcjs I’m literally exhausted from all these questions😩😩

I’m tagginggg @gallhali @shadowsremedy if u wanna!

[wetalkinboutbooks]

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland

Summary: Jane McKeene was born two days before the dead began to walk the battlefields of Gettysburg and Chancellorsville—derailing the War Between the States and changing America forever. In this new nation, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Reeducation Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead. But there are also opportunities—and Jane is studying to become an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. It’s a chance for a better life for Negro girls like Jane. After all, not even being the daughter of a wealthy white Southern woman could save her from society’s expectations.

But that’s not a life Jane wants. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston’s School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn’t pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose. But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: This is one of the first suggestions we got and HOO BOY IT WAS A GOOD ONE. The perfect mix of action, comedy, murder, and beating up racists.... exactly what we need in a book. 

~Spoiler-full discussion below~ 

The Good:

→ Jane

Geena: I don’t think I’ve read a book where the protagonist just has so much raw power like… at the risk of sounding like I’m from 2012.. But like… my mind was totally blown. We meet Jane during a training exercise at Miss Preston’s zombie slaughtering school where we learn about all the nasty details that lead to the school’s creation. SO ESSENTIALLY, following the civil war (which ended prematurely bc u kno…. zombies) slavery is “abolished” and instead the whites decided it’d be better to set up schools to train black and native people to kill zombies for them 🙄 AND that’s where we meet Jane, in the middle of a training exercise. We also learn that she’s the daughter of one of the more wealthy white women in the area which was very scandalous given the u kno.. R a c i s m… and that even her mother’s status couldn’t keep her from being sent to the school. Jane also recounts moments from her childhood such as almost being killed when she was born… and she does it so nonchalantly that I fucking died dude. 

Kae: Nobody: …..

Jane: Yeah my momma tried to drown me. She doesn’t think I remember but I do… ANYWAY. 

Geena: LMAOOOOOOO YEA I FUCKING LOST IT LIKE DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN LIKE SHE IS SO RAW… BUT YEA, also Justina Ireland does this cool thing where she has excerpts from the letters Jane sends her mother which outline events that are VERY different from what actually happens in the chapter, and fuck I loved that sm. Jane is I think one of the girls that can read at the school and she’s got a liking for the science behind the biology of zombies but she gets in trouble cONSTANTLY because she’s too cool for Miss Preston’s school… ok jk no she gets into trouble because she always manages to piss off that one racist ass bitch, Miss Anderson. In the first few chapters we learn that Jane is smart, strong, and a total babe even though she doesn’t think so :(. 

I loved how Jane was written to be slightly hot-headed but not like bullheaded, like she would get angry real quick but she’d know when to act on her urges to beat the shit out of people. And I guess this stems from her childhood like…. SHE MURDERS HER DAD IN COLD BLOOD BC HE TRIED TO CHOKE THE LIFE OUTTA HER and also to preserve her mom’s secret which was that she was a white-passing black woman. And bc her dad was a racist white man Jane knew that wouldn’t bode well for anyone…. She did all this when she was like eight so like…. WILD (It’s what he deserved tho) but yea ever since then Jane’s been playing the game like a pro. She’s a pro zombie slayer that doesn’t take shit from ANYONE even when it lands her in trouble, and she cares a lot for the people around her even though she might pretend that she’s only out to get back to her mom. AND I LOVE HER for everything she does, but FUCK SHE WENT THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT IN THIS BOOK THAT IT HURT TO READ. ALSO WE FIND OUT THAT SHE’S BI…. WE STAN A BISEXUAL BADASS

→ Katherine

Kae:  Geena summed up, Jane very well! Jane is smart (and could read so her teachers were pissed), strong, and just an all around badass. I really love her. She deserves the world. 

Well, moving on to Katherine. Katherine is another student at Miss. Prestons school and she and Jane don’t get along well. Kate, as Jane calls her, which Katherine HATES, because she likes to be called by her full name. She is white passing with very light skin and blue eyes. She has blonde, loose curly hair and is described as absolutely gorgeous. Jane is a little jealous of her and hates admitting it. But she’s like “She’s gorgeous, it is what it is… But she’s from Virgina so ugh.” Katherine is right up to par with Jane’s zombie slaying skills and is the top of her class. Katherine is dainty, bougie, and a total rule follower. She’s into fashion and trying to find a good job protecting white folks from zombies when she graduates Miss. Prestons. She thinks of Jane as a little unruly and wild. But she tries her damndest to be respectful to Jane, even if they can’t stand each other.  

So, moving forward a bit. Kate is kind of nosey so she’s always catching Jane doing some shit she isn’t supposed to be doing… like having books smuggled to her by a boy named Red Jack. She also overhears Jane and Jack discussing how his sister went missing and he needs help to find her. So, she self invites and tags along later that night. In the mean time,  Jane and Kate have a lecture they need to attend to. When they get there, they realize that there is going to be a demonstration of proof that a “Shambler Cure” actually works. Shamblers are zombies. So this professor has a cage of three zombies and has some poor, black man risk himself and get bit. He has supposedly already been injected with the cure. Jane was like “this shit fake… He boutta die.” And Jane tries to interrupt, but she is quickly hushed. The antidote or cure or whatever DOESN’T work and the dude turns into a zombie. Jane shoots him down, then the other zombies get loose and now everyone is in a panic. Jane and Katherine take them down and save the day. A few weeks later, that are invited to the mayors house to “protect” it. (They really were only asked just so they could show up and be seen…) Someone turns into a Shambler, Jane takes them down, then that’s settled. So now they’ve saved the day TWICE. 

Red Jack has somehow SNUCK IN to the damn mayors house, so him and Jane do some snooping. They get caught. Then by default, Katherine gets in trouble. Well, Katherine gets in trouble because she is too pretty and none of the white women want her around because they think their husbands or whoever will start to be like👀  and the women get jealous. Katherine was out of a job before it even started because she’s just too damn gorgeous. So Kate, Jane, and Red Jack get sent off to the WILD WILD WEST BAYBEEE. But it actually sucks.  Let’s talk about Red Jack before we get into that though.

Geena: NGL KATE’S THE TYPE OF GIRL I WOULD’VE ABSOLUTELY HATED TOO IF I WAS JANE BUT!!!!! I love how we get to see the friendship develop between the two as they both learn about each other’s past and that maybe they CAN be friends. Also, Kate is ace and wants to travel the world which I RESPECT… but oh yea I was gonna say Jane and Kate are the true enemies to best friends trope. ALSO HER BACKSTORY IS SAD BRUH LIKE everyone looking down on her bc she’s from virginia smh……… okay but seriously the fact that Kate was constantly trying so hard to compensate for the fact that she came from a brothel that she became Miss Perfect (OR AT LEAST that’s what we learn from Jane’s perspective and as @zemenipearls pointed out Jane isn’t a reliable narrator so Kate’s backstory is kinda shady at this point but that’s what we think it is) 

→ Red Jack 

Kae: Let’s talk about Red Jack! Jackson Keats, aka Red Jack is Jane's ex boyfriend. He got the name “Red Jack” because he’s a redbone. He’s described with light brown skin and blue eyes. He also has a gold tooth and short curly hair with hints of auburn. He’s smart and can scheme his ass off and is known for taking big risks.  He also smuggles Jane books when she ask and send letters out to her mother for her. It’s also noted that he cannot read. He deals in dirty business, mostly scamming people out of money. But the kid has to make a living! I like him. Jack has a little sister named Lilly who is white passing. So he sent her with a nice white family who would let her blend in with them so she could avoid being sent off to a school like Miss. Prestons. Jack and Jane, despite them being exes, are decent friends I think. Jane hates to admit it, but she still likes Jack (even though he gets on her nerves). 

At a certain point, Jack’s little sister, along with the family she is staying with, completely disappear. Their house in still in tact, but they aren’t there. He’s worried because his sister would’ve sent word if she knew they were leaving. But he hadn’t heard a thing from her, and went to Jane. So Jane, Jack, and Kate end up at the Spencers’ house to look for clues. They can’t find anything, but they DO overhear Miss. Anderson and two other men say that they needed to clean the house out and remove all of their belongings. 

Later, when we get to the mayor’s dinner party that was previously mentioned, Jack and Jane run into each other and go snooping around the governor's office. There, Miss. Anderson is waiting for them and they are CAUGHT. She drags them to the Mayor’s basement where he is ready to send them off to a town called, Summerland, that is way out west. It’s a town where he is trying to uphold white supremecy and slavery.There, he will make sure that anyone who is black, is treated as if they are still slaves.  A man named Mr. Redfern, a Native man, escorts them out West. They are given dulled down weapons to protect the town from Shamblers, and well, this is just no good. When Jack and the crew arrive in Summerland, he punches the shit out of Redfern and tries to make a run for it. He is then tackled, jailed, and that’s the last we see of him… for a while. 

Geena: holy shit Kae litcherally outlined everything about Red Jack PERFECTLY. He’s how you would say a rascal… a cute rascal (Jane would agree). 

Kae: Lmao Jane’s got taste. I gotta give her that. BAD BOYZ are my thing lowkey

Geena: oKAY but SEE RED JACK IS A BAD BOI WITH A GOOD HEART. I mean yeh he and Jane had a “messy breakup” but they were still friends and he smuggled out letters for her mom and brought her books, and she helped him around with his ~business~ however shady it was. But I also liked how he was an idiot, I mean in the sense that UNLIKE JANE who knows how to control her anger and use it in the future, Jack just pops off like how Kae mentioned him decking Mr. Redfern. Jane thought about it but also thought ahead and realized she wouldn’t get far doing that. Red Jack tho… Boy thought he could outrun like 3 grown men 😭 AND WHEN THE READER AND JANE WERE LED TO BELIEVE THAT HE’D DIED?? BRO??? I WAS LIKE…. HOW U GONNA MAKE THIS CHARACTER A CHARMING LIL SHIT AND THEN KILL HIM ALMOST RIGHT AWAY…. BUT then when he came back I WAS THROWN.

Time to project BUT I love characters like Red Jack you know they’re shady and like to play everything off as a joke but when they get serious… they get serious. And I wonder what role he’s going to play in the second book, because all he cares about in his life is his family aka Lily right… Would he accompany Kate and Jane to save her momma when it would mean leaving Lily with people he probably can’t fully trust? Also, how did Jane and Red Jack even meet? I think it’d be cool to see where he came from, and what happened to the rest of his family and that’s another reason why I can’t wait till book 2!  

The Bad:

→ Miss. Preston and Miss Anderson

Geena: Man, we don’t even meet Miss Preston that long in the book like she has a few scenes here and there but god she is the fucking worst! Who runs a school and houses young black women and gives them a refined education with training with specialized weapons.. Only to ship them to a town where slavery is making a comeback??  And pretending like you care about them?? Disgusting… We all assume that Miss Preston is innocent and is busy running her school until the dinner that Kae has mentioned above where we find out that she’s in cahoots with the Mayor and has been supplying him girls from her school for as long as he has needed them… how “white allies” be sometimes… I really hope… from the bottom of my heart that she was devoured by a shambler bc it’s the only fate that she deserves you know… And then we have the hoe ass Miss Anderson who didn’t even try to hide her contempt of Jane and doted on Katherine → This we realize later into the book is solely because of how white-passing Katherine was and because Miss Anderson is a big ol’ racist who uses slurs like it’s nobody's business. 

Now, I realize that Ireland was trying to outline the different types of racists you come across in life. There’s those that pretend to be your friend and support you up front but behind your back they won’t hesitate to fuck you over (aka Miss Preston), like Miss Preston does help out Jane initially when she’s unfairly tested by Miss Anderson, but Preston also is the one to support sending Jane to Summerland so like….. and also we have your standard brand of racist aka Miss Anderson that doesn’t even try to hide how antiblack and dehumanizing she is because she straight up doesn’t care and knows that Jane or anybody else can do shit about it. 

→ Mr. Redfern

Kae: Okay, so now we’ve got Mr. Redfern. Mr. Redfern is a tall,  handsome, Native American man who is always scowling at Jane. He doesn’t like her and she isn’t sure why… That is, until our girl asks him. He thinks she is wasting her talents when she sneaks out and kills shamblers in the night. 

Geena: OKAY WAIT WAIT WAIT THIS BRINGS UP THE QUESTION.. HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN SPYING ON HER

Kae: OHHHH SHIT YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK. YOOO. HE HAD TO HAVE BEEN WATCHING HER FOR MONTHS. 

Geena: I FEEL LIKE…. THERE’S SOMETHING WE’RE MISSING BUT IDK WHAT

Kae: THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BEING A SPEED READER. I BE MISSIN’ SHIT. Whew. Okay, so as you can see, we’ve just come to a sudden realization! Mr. Redfern is a sneaky son of a gun. 

But uhh, he mentions that he was taken from his tribe and sent off to one of the “Indian Shambler Schools” where he was given a new identity, etc. This is also basically what happened to Native Children back in those days, in order to erase their heritage and their entire selves. This was how they forced people to assimilate. They were sent to Indian Industrial Schools. 

Mr. Redfern is in cahoots with the Mayor (by force) and is the one to basically help kidnap Jackson, Jane, and Katherine. He stuffs them on a train for a week and at the end of their trip, they are out west. We don’t see him again after this. But later, we find out that he made Jackson a deal and sent him to a town not too far from Summerland to do “business”. Thus, when Jack returns to Summerland to steal ammunition for said town, he runs into Jane and Katherine and tells them Red Jack helped him out. 

ALTHOUGHHHH, REDFERN HELPED JACKSON, I DON’T LIKE HIM. HE WAS UNNECESSARILY MEAN TO JANE AND KIDNAPPED THE CREW AND THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. 

Geena: Yess Mr. Redfern, the man we thought would be an ally but turned out to be the opposite. Once again this mimics history I suppose because there were instances of indigenous people aiding the whites when it came to slavery and I suppose Ireland was trying to write that but she also makes it writes that while he is helping them he doesn’t seem too proud of it. But the matter of the fact is, he’s still helping enforce the white man’s rules. Though I do hope with the turn of the second book Mr. Redfern leaves that shit behind and decides to fully switch sides, aka let the whites to their own dirty work and help the people with a real cause.

ALSO, I keep talking about the second book but I really hope we meet more indigenous characters that aren’t Mr. Redfern you know, but those that aren’t under the thumb of a white person :( ALTHOUGH, I love how Ireland has the excerpt at the end where it mentions the residential schools in-depth and she encourages readers to research more of it which leads me to believe that we’ll be hearing more of them coming the next book as well. 

Kae: Just one more small part. I was like, completely convinced that those looks Redfern were shooting at Jane was because he thought she was cute. That is until Jane was like “alright, he CLEARLY doesn’t like me” and I was like oh… I totally misread those signals and I’m an idiot. BUT WHATEVER IT’s FINE. I do, however, think he will turn around. I don’t think he’s like, inherently bad. He’s just forced to do bad shit. Everyone is trying to survive in this world and I’m NOT giving him an excuse, but like, I get it. Ya feel me?

Geena: oKAY BUT KAE I TOO THOUGHT HE WAS INTO HER SO THAT MAKES US BOTH BOOBOO THE FOOL. AND YEA, it comes down to survival in a world where you’re not even considered human BUT that doesn’t excuse any actions. 

Kae: .jpg “we irritating” meme 

Geena: Is it even our review if we don’t have at least one (1) meme reference

The Ugly:  

→ Every single white person (minus Mr. Gideon) 

Geena: So I really enjoyed this book but Justina Ireland didn’t pull any punches when it came down to the true and dark details of the time period she was writing. She captures the essence of white folks, even during an apocalypse they find the time to push their white supremacy and tread on the backs of the black and indigenous people. I was grinding my teeth for a majority of the book, the way people would talk down to all the black characters and simply refer to them as though they weren’t human.

Mayor Carr, the Sheriff, and the Priest are the faces of white supremacy that think it’s in their destiny to put down bipoc and use them as slaves (though they won’t call it that) and fuck dude… Mayor Carr is like Miss Preston, pretends to be an ally and is using the people he pretends to support as fodder for his white supremacist wasteland. Even Jane mentions that he’s no better than other white men but people pretend he’s the best politician they have.

The Sheriff doesn’t even disguise his racism, he’s your typical ‘slavery wasn’t that bad’ assfuck and the way he treats Katherine bc he has an ugly crush on her thinking she’s white is disgusting bc you know if he knew that she’s simply white-passing he’d probably murder her in cold blood… and when he finds out, the exact thing Jane was afraid would happen to her mother almost happens to Katherine (she almost dies at the hand of the Sheriff’s fugly ass)....and fuck Katherine handled it so well even though she was very much uncomfortable the whole time. And the way Jane murdered him?? With no remorse… I fucking loved that, IDK if Justina Ireland was trying to go for a Jane is unhinged vibe (bc that’s how Katherine reacted to it) but I was like fuck yea girl shoot him a few times more for good measure.

The Priest is the biggest shit of them all like I cannot even begin to…… Every time I think of his wrinkly ass my blood pressure rises three levels because holy fuck. He preaches that he’s a holy man and that he’s only carrying out the orders of God and so on, and it’s DIGOSTENG the way he uses the bible as a weapon to put down the black and indigenous folk around Summerland. He blames them for how they look and says it’s their duty to “serve their white superiors” as redemption so that they may get a place in heaven 🙄🙄🙄🙄 This reminds me of what Kae had mentioned before about the story of Nate Turner who knew how to read so the plantation owners would make him read a fucked-up version of the bible to the others and like….. White people really took a faith founded by a brown man and turned it into a weapon for their white supremacy it’s disgusting. But what was really sad was that there are still people to this day like the Priest that have pretty hefty roles in churches and so on… spewing their racist rhetoric and god I can’t even fucking deal, every time he and Jane interacted I just wanted her to snap his neck in half and call it a day…. Like what was his old ass gonna do? Fart? 

Kae: Sweet! So Geena pretty much covered everything. The Sheriff is a whole ass bitch and he has a bunch of lackeys doing his dirty work while he parades around Summerland and berates anyone who is of colour. Basically, he has black people shipped out to the West so they can sacrifice themselves to defend Summerlands inhabitants with faulty weaponry and experiments. When Jane brings up that she needs better weapons so she can do her job, she’s slapped for it and told to deal with it. The black people and everyone else who is considered of low status, are treated horribly. They’re all shoved in a hot attic with thin, dirty blankets to sleep on the floor. They are locked in their rooms at night and forbidden to leave until it is time for them to work again. They all also barely have enough to eat, so essentially, they are starving. Jane and her new companions are overworked, underfed, and are only able to bathe once a week. It’s truly barbaric. The Sheriff wants to make sure they know they are “below” white people and were only created to serve them. It’s disgusting and I wanted to kill the man myself. It was infuriating reading how horrible they were treated and all of the slurs they were called. Slurs I forgot even existed. 

The Sheriff catches Jane one night after she had snuck out, and beats her in front of the whole town. He ties her to a pole, strips her shirt off, and whips her. I actually had to skip that part because I couldn’t bare to read it. It was too much and I just couldn’t do it. I’ve seen enough of it. Jane, even though she is inches away from death, is saved by Katherine speaking out against it. Since the Sheriff has a crush on her, he stops, and allows Jane to join her in the safe part of Summerland to be her servant. I usually don’t like reading books about my people being so poorly treated, but Jane shot his ass point blank when she had the opportunity and I reveled in that. I love to see us fight back! 

As for the Priest, he is the Sheriff’s father so he helps influence the bullshit that goes on in town. It is also heavily implied that underestimating the Priest is not the best decision. He apparently beat someone to death so that’s fuckin wild, considering how much of an old racist fuck he is. ANYWAY, he gives sermons every night on how “the Negro” was meant to serve and how they are to “stay in their place” and I cringed through the whole thing. It was horrible. Almost no one in the town likes the Sheriff or the Priest. The whore’s, the “slaves”, and Mr. Gideon (the Mayor's son), were all forced to be in Summerland and they hate it and the two bastards in charge. This drives them to conduct a plan to kill them both so they can escape. The plan was to have Katherine pretend to be white, have the Sherif fall in love with her, then Jane takes him out of the picture. But things didn’t go as planned so it took a few extra steps of danger BUT they made it and scarcely avoided a big zombie horde, and made it out. 

Geena: OH YEA MR. GIDEON….. He’s supposed to be this scientist guy with a limp which we find out he does on purpose, and he KNOWS that Katherine is white-passing but he doesn’t say shit bc unlike the rest of the white men there he isn’t racist and he’s trying to figure out a way out of the town… Also, this man-made an electricity grid run off of zombies and that was so fucking funny to me for no reason other than it reminded me of a scene from a sitcom when Jane walked in on the contraption. ALSO, JANE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A THING FOR MR. GIDEON AND IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE RECIPROCATED? LIKE It’s funny reading Jane’s attraction to him like “he’s nerdy lookin… but in a cute way” but am I here for it?? Undecided...

Conclusion

Kae: So in conclusion, this book was really good. I enjoyed reading this AU of a zombfied civil war. It was interesting to see how things played out. I thought the world-building was pretty cool and I like how the South was called “The lost states” because they’d been lost to zombies. They also LOST THE WAR LMAOOO BITCHASSES. Anywaaaaay, I think Jane is such a strong, beautifully written character. She’s hotheaded, but she isn’t impulsive. She’s brave and she knows when to strike. She is smart, cunning, and a joy to be around. If she were real, I’d absolutely be her friend. She’s my kind of person. She keeps it real and I like that. Katherine is kind of complex and I can’t wait to find out more about her. She hides behind this proper, boujie demeanor, but I think a lot of it is a facade. I like how though Katherine is white-passing, she NEVER forgets or dismisses that she is black. She knows who she is and she hated pretending to be white. As for Jackson! He's impulsive, suave motherfucker and I hope we see more of him too! I think he’s going to have a bigger role to play in the next book and I’m ready to see what it’ll be. I can’t wait to find out what is in store for these characters because they are all beautifully written and their friendships are puuuure baybeeee.

Geena: GIRL YOU SUMMED UP ALL THE CHARACTERS REALLY WELL!!! You got everything that I loved about Jane, she’d be my idol irl… and Katherine is a really complex character and I’m excited to see how her story unfolds in the next book. SPEAKING OF WHICH…. THE COVER FOR THAT DROPPED AND O MY GOD…….. KATE AND JANE LOOK LIKE ABSOLUTE BABES and I cAN’T WAIT TO SEE THEM FUCK SHIT UP!