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pumpkinpaix · 3 years

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this is gonna sound so harsh but im legit tired of chinese diaspora people who think that bc they are of chinese descent and they have pleco they can act like voices of authority in the fandom. if modao is the 1st chinese book you have read pieces of with a dictionary, if you have never interacted with the actual chinese fandom, you are not part of the intended audience and your biased opinion is not the One And Only Valid Truth 🍵

genuinely cannot tell if you’re trying to shade me here anon lmao 😂

this got long and rambly (of course) asldkjfslj. i would love to make the excuse that it’s bc i’ve got a migraine and had No Sleep but. let’s be real i’m always like this.

ok i’ll start with where i agree: i don’t think anyone has the right to act like an ultimate voice of authority in fandom. i think different people with different backgrounds have varying realms of expertise and they should be respected when they share that knowledge, but that the instant someone starts to use that kind of power as a weapon against people they personally don’t like, i think they forfeit that privilege. no one has the one and only valid truth about a piece of media because that’s fundamentally impossible. i have definitely interacted with diaspo who behave like their heritage gives them some kind of incontrovertible authority over everyone else, and they’re fucking insufferable and often rather cruel, even/especially towards other diaspo. meet me in the denny’s parking lot and fight me for real. i’ll kick ur ass. >:c

however, I also think it’s true that there’s a lot of dismissal of heritage fans in this fandom, if that makes sense, from both sides of the equation: non-Chinese fans ignore our cultural hangups because they’re inconvenient, and non-diaspora disdain us for being not Chinese enough. that puts a lot of us in a position of feeling disrespected just for being who we are, or having our very real knowledge and unique experience as individuals devalued because of it.

regardless of my identity, I have formally studied a lot of things: literary translation, media analysis, the politics of oppression, film critique, religious studies, philosophy, four foreign languages etc. and that is all knowledge that I had to work for, and work hard for. I do have a certain measure of authority on all of these subjects over a layperson (to varying degrees), and there are going to be times when i will be more correct than someone who disagrees with me -- but I’ve also absolutely experienced people talking over that specialized knowledge because of who I am, which is, to be clear. extremely infuriating and hurtful. like, i have cried so much about it in the last 18 months. people see my racial and cultural identity before they see anything else, which is understandable to a degree, but upsetting when it becomes the basis for how my work is judged, whether positive or negative. i don’t want you to trust me blindly because i’m abc. I want to you to trust me because you have examined my work critically and judged it to be trustworthy!

so i guess this is getting into the strongly disagree part of the answer: i’ve been speaking a lot with other diaspora fans lately, and it’s been simultaneously hugely relieving and also really saddening. relieving because oh thank god someone else Gets It, and saddening because pretty much all of us, no matter what kind of diaspo we are (north american, european, SEA, taiwanese etc), we’ve all experienced a lot of pressure in this fandom, from non-Chinese, Chinese, and other diaspora fans alike. we’re all acutely aware that we are not modao’s intended audience because being diaspora vs being “from the mainland” or whatever, are actually quite different things, but modao still feels close to home. even if it was not written FOR us it is still familiar to us.

and, because so many of us are multilingual and multicultural, we end up being the bridge between the “actual” chinese fandom and the english-speaking fandom, which is largely made up of non-chinese. (sidenote: I hate it when people say things about being “actually” any identity because it’s almost always for the exact reason you brought up: to use heritage as street cred. it’s like damn, being “actually” chinese doesn’t make ur opinions any less rank. sure you might be “actually” chinese, but do you have basic reading comprehension and literary criticism skills? no? ok then sit your ass back down) many of us are most comfortable in english! so we produce our content in english! but we also DO often have a somewhat privileged access to the culture that underlies mdzs and can explain it in a language that other non-Chinese fans can understand. so it’s not surprising that people flock to us for answers to their cultural questions. and like. if we think we know the answer, it’s natural for us to try and help. this is fandom! we’re here to have fun and find community! and it is definitely a little bit nice to have my culture treated as something desirable for once instead of just like. a weird exotic curiosity that no one really cares too deeply about. and, since a lot of us are able to do things that non-Chinese fans can’t (research in chinese, for example. ask family members for help and more information etc.) we end up just having more information to share.

I think this sometimes results in a tendency for fandom at large to put heritage/diaspo fans on pedestals and tout them as authorities (or use our conflicting viewpoints as ammunition in fandom drama) when the diaspo in question have repeatedly stated that they should not be taken as authorities on something -- and then, once you reach critical mass, your reputation starts to precede you, and I think there’s a lot of misconceptions of how a lot of diaspo act in this fandom simply because of that phenomenon. most of us know that we’re not ultimate arbiters of some kind of cultural gateway, and it can be very tiring both to be treated as such when we insist we are not, and then punished by other people who assume that we acted like we were.

i don’t think there’s a benefit in trying to keep en fandom and cn fandom totally separate, and I also think it’s unfair to consider the cn fandom the “real” fandom. i think that way lies deeper misunderstandings, gatekeeping, etc. i think we can definitely acknowledge the differences between them, but i think trying to make meaningful connections between fandom circles is really valuable! i don’t think i’ve ever made it a secret that modao is my first cmedia fandom? so it’s also the first time i’ve had reason to interact with chinese fandom, which has been super enlightening and interesting! i’ve made some super cool friends and learned a lot about how fandom works in china, how it’s similar and how it differs from the fandom i’m familiar with.

and then, kind of circling back around, there’s also a bit of a sense like, okay, so if diaspo don’t belong in the CN fandom, but we can’t talk about our own culture with some degree of confidence in EN fandom, then like..... where do we go...? if we see EN fandom doing something that contradicts our cultural knowledge, do we just. not say anything? do we not count unless we’ve already ingratiated ourselves to CN fandom? that’s probably where the core of my strong disagreement comes from, because criticism of diaspora fans as like, acting above their station so to speak, feels just like a tired continuation of the same shit we’ve had to deal with for our whole lives, being told we’re not good enough for anywhere and that we should just be quiet and keep our heads down and get over it. that our opinions, despite coming from a unique perspective with a unique relationship to the subject in question, are less valid or real than “actual” chinese people, you know? and sometimes i see that and im like lmfao just sneer at me for being jook-sing and leave then if you’re so eager to think of me as lesser.

so yeah, basically im of a few minds: true! diaspora fans don’t get to throw their weight around just because they’re diaspo. they don’t get carte blanche to act like bullies or try to shape the fandom to their own personal liking and crusade against people who disagree with them. they don’t get to pretend their heritage makes them superior to everyone else, and i think western diaspora especially need to be careful when asserting any kind of moral lens over the text to acknowledge that we have our own biases to interrogate. i am not immune.meme etc. on the other hand, this vein of criticism tends to put all diaspo in a bit of a double-bind, and also, however unintentionally, plays into the general, continuous trend of dismissing diaspora for being diaspora, and i’m really not about that. i don’t think that’s the motivation behind opinions like this, but i do think that when the basis for the argument hinges on the idea that diaspora are not “real” chinese, no matter how much I too have beef with certain diaspora fans, the argument needs to be revisited.

(ko-fi)

🍵 ((un)popular) opinions meme

#Anonymous #asks and replies #cyan gets too deep in the weeds #race #chinese diaspora #statistically average #mine #mymeta #mdzs #ummmmm #politics #??#opinions meme #ask meme

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kim-ruzek · 3 years

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It’s been a week since the finales and while I’m over the moon about fire, I’m still so conflicted over pd, specifically Adam and how he talked to Kevin.

I know they’re brothers and the show will have them get over this, but if my white friend said what Adam did? I wouldn’t look at them the same way. I’d lose a lot of love/respect that I had for them.

And a lot of people (of a certain color) are saying it’s not a big deal because of the situation? But like those are his real thoughts, his filter is just gone. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive tho.

I’d love to hear your take on this. If your comfortable sharing it.

I've been thinking of this ask all day, of how to answer it. Because honestly, I have SO many thoughts on this, but I was debating if I should say them all or just sum up but I decided that I'm just gonna speak my mind!!

I, too, have a lot of complexed and conflicting thoughts over this. And I have to say, with stuff like this, with racial issues, you can NEVER be too sensitive.

Firstly, I agree. Kev and Adam are brothers, and the show will have them get over this, it wouldn't be realistic otherwise. But I really do hope they do it in a good, believable and decent way. Because I also agree with what you said about if my white friend said that shit? A little bit of my love and respect for them would be forever tarnished-- at least until I see some REAL improvement, which would take a minimum of a year to properly heal.

This fandom is a real good fandom, but yeah, I HAVE seen a lot of white fans not treating this like the big deal it is. The majority DO accept it's a big deal, but at the same time, they don't seem to truly get just how big, like how they think Kevin and Adam will have to move on from this is quite watered down.

Now, where I stand:

I watched cpd for Kim, Adam and Kev. I got into it for Burzek, and fell so hard in love with Kevin immediately. So when Kevin and Adam fight, I find it really hard because they're my boys! But it's necessary, and I think will help them become even more tight once Adam gets his head screwed on straight.

I do agree that they're his "real thoughts", but my take is that it's a little more complicated than that. Like Adam is a bit of a hothead, and that moment? He was more scared than he's ever been, and Kev, in his mind, is the only other person who loves Kim as much so when Kev did what Adam took as a "betrayal", Adam was angry. And that was shitty. And he should be accountable for that, AND for what he said.

But I think calling them his real thoughts is a little simplistic. They're thoughts that's going to be in his mind a lot, obviously, because Adam doesn't fully get this. So there's two layers to this:

One: People say things out of anger. I've got a temper, and I keep it under control obviously, but it's there, and when you're angry, especially betrayed and hurt, you just want to hurt people the same way you are. And when it's someone you really, really love? You say things you have maybe thought when you were a little annoyed but rationality won and reminded you it's a stupid thought, things that you KNOW will hurt.

And I think that's what this was. Obviously you do this, no matter what the reason, you need to fucking apologize and grovel. Like I'm not saying you shouldn't because I really don't think that. Especially as someone who's said really hurtful things out of anger, I PASSIONATELY believe that you should be held to a high standard about your actions. Because anger is not good, it's an ugly emotion, and you have to fight it.

Two: I definitely think those things are stuff Adam has thought before. I mean, thoughts in anger rarely appears out of nowhere, they're there in the background. But this isn't necessary a bad thing, or makes Adam a bad person. Like we ALL have less than nice thoughts, it's human nature.

And for Adam, he tries, he really does, but the man just Does Not Get all the deep complexities of the police reform. So I think his stance is, he doesn't get it, but he goes along. There's been those times he's argued, but I think most of the time when he's confused, he kinda just...has one of those thoughts but doesn't express it because he KNOWS it's more complicated than that, even if he doesn't understand it.

So when Kevin and Adam fought, Adam got ANGRY, because he felt scared and betrayed, and that's when he voiced all these thoughts he's thought before but kept inside because even though he doesn't understand why or how, he knows it's more complicated. But he was angry because Kim was in danger, and suddenly, it didn't seem logical or rational to keep by book.

Okay so now I've said that, onto what I think this means and how I want this go moving forward.

Adam was a jerk. What he said to Kevin was such a low blow, and things are going to be fractured between those two. And I think nothing Adam feels towards Kev has changed, but I do think they'll be that little emptiness in Kev, because hearing your white best friend say that? Ugh. Pain.

In a general sense, I think they'll be fine. But they can't be as close as they were, without Kevin feeling some sort of distance without any closure.

So in season nine, we definitely need our boys to have a conversation. And not just one, but several. And we need to see Adam make some actual changes to his beliefs. Not just half assing it bc he knows he's wrong even if he doesn't understand the complexities of why, but actually challenging his own beliefs and learning.

I think one of my main problems with this fandom (the white fans) is how much emphasis is put on both Adam and Kev seeking each other out to have a conversation. That's just wrong-- Adam should be the one. None of this, fixing this, educating Adam is on this is NOT in any way, shape or form is on Kevin.

What Adam said is hurtful, and I think Kevin still loves Adam, still sees him as his brother. But siblings don't always get along, or even like each other, even if there's that I'll-die-for-you love. And I think that's where Kevin is at. Adam hurt him, and that's gonna do some damage, and so even though Kev does understand, he's not gonna seek him out or try to fix it AS HE SHOULDN'T, because that onus is purely on Adam's shoulders.

Like. I think what white fans don't get is just how exhausting it is always having to understand, always having to be patient. Like yeah white people don't get the ins and outs like we do, so we're forced to always be understanding bc while we have to learn these things from our first days, they're just learning now. But it's exhausting, so that's why I really hope they have Adam seek Kev out, not have Kev approach him to talk about this.

(it's always why I love how they had Kevin full on yeet Adam, and beat the crap out of him. Poc always have been portrayed as patient when cruel remarks are hurled at us from people we love in anger, and I'm happy they showed Kevin snapping. Bc that was not on, and Kevin was just as worried about Kim, and Adam implying otherwise is wrong. It's also though why I also love that as soon as they were pulled apart, Kev stopped fighting/looking so angry quicker than Adam).

Like I'd be okay with Kev just saying, simply, to Adam "you don't ever say that stuff to me again." And that's that. But for them to actually have a conversation about this, has to come from Adam and HAS to start with an apology.

And Adam has to actively do better. Like no more just accepting things are different even if he doesn't understand, he HAS to learn everything, all the ins and outs, all the complexities, until he lives and breathes it as much as any white man can. Because I can't see Kevin having what was fracture ever feeling completely solid again without that.

And I do like that the show went there, because it's necessary and I think it's the best position for Adam to realise just how Shitty he was. Because Kim was found-- by the book. Like most of his anger was from how in the past, they've gotten their results by being off book, so I think in Adam's mind, he thinks that's the best way to secure safety. But it was by the book that found Kim, and I think that will really make Adam realise that these enforced policies DON'T make it harder to secure their own safety.

Also, Adam's presumably going to spend a lot of time around Makayla, and so forth, will probably get a lot of firsthand experience of seeing racism or it's affects. Like I know we wish he'd see if bc of Kev, and he does with a lot, just not other stuff, but it's different when you're seeing it through the eyes of a little kid, not a grown adult. And I think this will make Adam a lot more humble, which will help patch things up between him and Kevin.

And then there's Kim. People often forget how when you have multiple white friends, when you're hurt, your more knowledgeable friend steps in. Kim gets this stuff a lot more than Adam, even if she can never understand like Kev, and so I can COMPLETELY see her teaching Adam more stuff. Like because she'd want to help her boys, because Adam's a part of Makayla's life, because Kevin shouldn't HAVE to be the one to educate Adam, whereas Kim can bring him up to her own level, and that's when they rely on Kev.

So I think overall, I'm not that conflicted over PD because I'm really hoping this will spark deeper conversations and that Adam will grovel and fix his ignorant stances. And I hope to god they let Kevin heal and forgive in the way he should be allowed to.

I have a LOT more thoughts on this, including how I hate that they only show Adam's ignorance when a lot of the unit is also Not Great, and about partnerships and how Jay and Kev should be going forward. But this is getting really long now, so I won't delve into that or this any further. But I might, especially if it's wanted, because I have so many thoughts.

Also, thank you for sending me this ask!! I am ALWAYS comfortable sharing my thoughts on this fandom (about anything really, racism, sexism, ships ect) but especially the racism and the racial storylines and issues. Sorry it took so long to answer; I've been thinking on it all day, wanting to give you the best answer I could!!

#reese's asks #ree has thoughts #that no one asked for #Chicago pd #kevin atwater #adam ruzek #I'm sorry this is so incoherent

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hylaversicolor · 3 years

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my personal jack and beckett timeline

they met at 19 or so, working in some shipyard together. immediately became aware that they were the only two people at the job who truly understood each other and they stuck together.

beckett finds out jack is the son of edward teague, a fact that jack is not proud of at this point. likewise jack finds out that beckett wants to make a name for himself bc of whatever family shit he has going on (haven’t hashed out the details yet)

at some point (not sure who convinced who yet) they attended seminary school together. not for holy reasons or anything, they’re both awful, i just think that it would be really really funny and i want it to happen

they both speak latin after this experience (they both already knew a bit but this is where they both get rlly good at it lol)

at some point they went back to the shipyard, or went to a different shipyard, or they became sailors or something, basically they got back to the sea in some way shape or form. beckett reveals himself to be really good at doing business, and starts moving up the ranks and getting minor leadership roles in like, accounting and things. jack is also making a name for himself for being really fucking weird but strangely competent. he cares less what people think of him than beckett does.

eventually beckett is hired by the eitc, jack goes off sailing for a few years, then they run into each other again and beckett hires him to start delivering and shipping goods and whatnot, this continues for a few years

they can kind of feel themselves drifting apart because beckett keeps advancing in status and jack is becoming more pirate-adjacent but he’s vowed to not become his father

something happened when beckett was hired by the eitc, which is like...he’s spent all of his childhood and adolescence not expecting to survive to adulthood, just biding his time, learning greek and latin and reading about battle strategy and economics and suddenly he realizes he has all this knowledge and all this ambition and he’s like?? fuck it. i’m going to take what i want now.

(jack inspired him to do this)

meanwhile jack is drifting closer and closer to piracy but never commits acts of piracy himself because he still has reservations about it. they still meet up and do business but at this point their relationship is strained as they’re growing apart

at some point this culminates in the wicked wench incident and beckett branding him as a pirate at which point jack is like okay fuck it pirate time. and then they don’t see each other until awe

edit bc i forgot to include this lol: when jack was working for him beckett was totally fine with jack engaging in piracy-like behavior as long as it was beneficial to him. as soon as jack defied him and his actions cost beckett his promotion THAT was when he branded him. it was TOTALLY personal

#picking bits and pieces from price of freedom like a vulture picking at carrion lol #txt #potc

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vendettacanons · 3 years

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Did you like the ending to Little Hope?

// This is an unpopular opinion apparently, but yeah! Overall, I think Little Hope was a massive massive improvement from Man of Medan. Granted, it still fell into some of the same flaws and holes as Man of Medan.

// Putting things under a cut bc SPOILERS, and also because I got super emotional and really in-depth with a psychoanalysis portion of this.

// The game felt more beautiful and polished than the first admittedly. I liked the environment and lighting improvements. Man of Medan was well done, but Little Hope goes it just felt much more natural and at home.

// As far as flaws— The characters from the first game were a bit more memorable in a sense (at least Conrad, Fliss, and Brad were in my opinion) but don’t get me wrong, that is a low bar. I haven’t found any characters from the games thus far particularly noteworthy, memorable, or in fact... likable in any way really. It feels like we just never get to know them enough to actually form an opinion on them. And the traits they’re given don’t really match up with the dialogue options. Which, in Man of Medan, there really isn’t an excuse for. In Little Hope, it’s better explained that they aren’t real— the people represent caricatures of traits the bus driver exhibits. They’re symbols more than anything.

// The game follows two intertwined storylines that are actually blended together quite nicely, which is impressive because that is something that is hard to do without feeling forced (Outlast 2 I’m looking at you). And yeah, it does have its cliches and its moments where things feel very rough or make little sense, I won’t ignore those. The game definitely has its lapses in logic. And yes, it is very frustrating how a character can survive the whole game and die at the end— I was PISSED when I saw that happen but once I saw the ending it made sense why. The death of the characters means an incomplete story arc— or certain traits of the bus driver that were never addressed and thus were not given proper closure.

// I know a lot of people seemed to dislike the ending for one reason or another. A lot of people felt it was a copout and I know more than a few did not like the idea of “oh it was mental illness all along :/”. But personally, I loved that. I’m not sure what mental illness in particular the bus driver was dealing with, but I believe it was schizophrenia. And honestly, the game handled it so well in my opinion. It didn’t glorify it or use it as a scapegoat or demonize it, it didn’t use it as a last minute explanation, the ending cutscenes with Vince literally show that it was the underlying cause of everything the entire time and we just never put it together. Which is exactly what the characters felt too. We were experiencing things from a first-person perspective, while trying to figure things out from a third-person perspective, and that really hit me because that is what it’s like to be schizophrenic. It is trying to rationalize what your mind is conjuring up, trying to understand that it isn’t real when it feels so, so convincingly tangible. And that’s another part of it the ending captured well. People with schizophrenia often don’t have any idea that what they’re seeing isn’t real, and so being snapped out of it can be just as jarring for them as it was for us when we realized the truth.

// A lot of people don’t think the game’s display of it was realistic for a lot of reasons, but the truth is, it’s surprisingly realistic in its portrayal. I liken it to ‘A Beautiful Mind’ a lot and I’ll explain why.

1) The town’s history includes witch trials like those mentioned in Salem. If you’ve ever seen or read the very popular Crucible, which features an interpretation of the witch trials the game is based off, then it explains why the flashbacks happen. Knowledge of certain events that one is familiar with tend to impact what kinds of hallucinations someone with schizophrenia may have.

2) The traumatic events at the beginning. We know the bus driver is the sole survivor of a fire that killed his entire family. He was falsely blamed for it even after he was cleared of charges and still holds guilt over not being able to save anyone from his family and is haunted by a result, which is why he has these hallucinations of friends that share the appearance of his family, and why he keeps seeing their faces everywhere— in flashbacks, in photos— everywhere. The idea of hallucinating entire people or having grand delusions, while not particularly common among most schizophrenics, is still very much something that many experience, especially if they’ve been traumatized or are untreated. He even acknowledges that it’s his family he’s seeing if he saves Mary and persecutes the priest in the last flashbacks.

3) The demons. A lot of people think it fell in line with the stereotype that schizophrenics “see monsters” and this disliked it. And again, while this is not always the case, there are many cases of this happening. In the worst cases, schizophrenics have reported seeing horrible disfigured people and creatures, and these are usually created by perceptions that are more or less the same as when you see a creepy-shaped shadow in your room in the dark. They can sometimes be based off of things seen in movies, in horror events, or culminated by other experiences, but the bottom line is that they can be conjured by the mind. And in the game, they serve as a symbol of guilt. They are the embodiment of “inner demons”, and they will kill whatever characters don’t finish their arc of progression it seems.

4) Repetitive cycles. Schizophrenics tend to see patterns. Not everyone of course, but noticing patterns and repeating them is a common trait. (Again, think ‘A Beautiful Mind’: the scenes where he looks for code patterns and keeps seeing Game Theory everywhere). The deaths of the characters and their Witch Trial doubles coincide with how the family died at the beginning: Daniel’s og died on the fence, his double died on a fence, he can die by being spreared by his demon, the father was crushed to death, the Witch Trial Version was crushed to death, John can have his neck snapped, etc. These “patterns of thought” are another common sign in schizophrenics. Seeing or doing things over and over again. His families faces is the big tie-in really.

5) Smaller note: Identity. As with everything else on this list, this doesn’t apply to all schizophrenics but many do hallucinate their own identities when they are deluding. Hence why the bus driver keeps seeing a younger version of himself. This is not so common as the other symptoms but it exists.

// Overall, Little Hope seemed like a massive improvement from Man of Medan, and while I normally don’t like the idea of mental illness being used as a giant plot hook, in Little Hope it was done tactfully and respectfully. It provided the blueprint for an engaging storyline and was addressed in a manner that was clearly very well-researched. It was not made light of in any sort of way, and it still managed to provide for a very entertaining game experience while also providing a very deep message: ‘we all have to confront our pasts and lay them to rest at some point. It’s never too late to forgive yourself.’ To me, Little Hope was amazing and I was genuinely brought to tears because of how close to home it hit, and how it told such a good story of someone with a mental illness I’m all too familiar with. Words can’t describe how much it meant to me to see a story being portrayed like that with such tact.

// And again, this is just my opinion on everything. These are just my interpretations of events that happen and connections I made while playing. I haven’t even addressed a lot of things in the game but if I did this post would be even longer so let me just leave it at: yes, I like Little Hope a lot. It has a special place in my heart, it made me cry, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good horror game experience. Also, if you haven’t, please go watch ‘A Beautiful Mind’. I don’t normally mention movies as a primary source, but that movie is based off of the true story of John Nash and was pulled from his biography. It’s very eye-opening and beautiful.

// And also as a disclaimer: I am not a professional psychologist or anything. My facts are based solely off of my own research, my own consultations with professionals, and first-hand experiences (with undifferentiated schizophrenia specifically). Pls don’t take what I say as fact, do your own research, talk to professionals for more insight, and take what I say with a grain of salt. Your Mileage May Vary and that’s okay. ❤️

#// v? crying on main?#// it’s more likely than you think #so this is what you meant : ask #i’m never changing who i am : anonymous #// ooc #// mun v #// mun v rambles #tw violence mention #tw death mention #tw fire mention #tw trauma mention #little hope #the dark pictures anthology #tdpa #the dark pictures #the dark pictures little hope

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fandom-will-be-my-fall · 4 years

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Spill your heart out about Walter.

Okay so I basically got this question in what, January?? but I’m answering it now since I just rewatched the movie and have inspiration, sorry for the late reply Anon

Okay so, to start off this post with some keyboard smashing because that my primary go-to for expressing my emotions

sgklhfsgjksdlgdghkjlgjhOHUFLUSKHDGSLIDRGKJGKFSDHGlhjglksdhkglshglllllfa. knjcthxiudhusmnvsoidhéytbvonjyxclkkvbr. haeylicfvshdkgikc

HANDSOME BOY. HANDSOME. ‘NUFF SAID.

I could legit stare all day at his beautiful face… look at him. Enchanting sky blue eyes… fluffy, wavy brown hair, cute round cheeks, lovely smile… those hidden freckles that you can hardly spot and only in certain screenshots but nevertheless they’re there to raise the cuteness factor… ALSO HIS LASHES. MAYBE IT’S NATURAL?? MAYBE IT’S MAYBELLINE?? WE SHALL NEVER KNOW

Here you may be able to spot the freckles if you squint hard enough. I have 77 screenshots but this is the best example I could find.

Secondly… well, he’s a sticc. A short sticc at that (though still slightly taller than me bc I’m smol), but a sticc regardless! And that seems to be the most attractive cartoon body type for me. Don’t judge me, I just have a thing for twinks, I’m… twinksexual or whatever.

Look at him! He would fit through my doorcrack.

(Maaaybe the reason for me liking sticcs so much is partially the fact that I like the idea of a boyfriend I can protect and support, physically and emotionally. I’m mad at the universe for not letting me scoop him up in my arms bridal style and smooch the HECK outta him.)

I’ve encountered a few posts that claimed he’s got cake but, come on. That concept has canonically been proven to be false, even by Lance. This man is flat and you can pry this opinion off my cold, dead hands.

Speaking of hands! I like his big ol hands. Nice shape. They look soft. I wanna hold them.

According to a DVD commentary, and the visual facts, he has no shoulders whatsoever. Back in Venice Killian was able to restrain him effortlessly with only one foot on his chest, even as he kept struggling ans squirming and generally put in as much effort as he possibly could. Before then, he claimed the database was the first thing he has ever caught in his life.

Conclusion, our boi’s very much NOT athletic. Which makes sense for a scientist, braining all day and stuff, and because he probably barely even eats, or sleeps which are by the way both pretty concerning implications but anyway.

STOP BEATING UP THIS POOR FRAGILE LAD FOR GOD’S SAKE. Makes me want to protect him even more. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but you get what I mean.

Now, on to the actual reason I’m so head over heels for him, a.k.a his personality.

He is one of the sweetest, kindest, purest boy characters I have ever seen in fiction, if not THE number one himself. (All my other cinnamon roll crushes are, or have been a villain at some point and WILL resort to violence if provoked.) Look at him, his pacifism… is unbreakable. He’s dead set on making the world a better place, by peaceful ways, and helping humanity. If that’s not a quality to be cherished then IDK what is.

And he’s just such a refreshing character. He likes pink, K-dramas, glitter, kittens, things that aren’t traditionally “masculine” (but is never made fun of those things in particular in the movie) and I love that. Nothing’s sexier than a man who’s, despite society’s shitty standards, openly and unashamedly himself!

His femininity is, if anything, just another turn-on. (This didn’t intend to sound sexual… but oh well.) I love his little hand gestures and mannerisms, dorky ramblings, the way he says “yep” popping the “p” at the end, all the small yet significant traits that were incorporated into his character. Bless you, SiD creators, bless you.

Have I said that he’s a genius?? Which is pretty obvious but c’mon, he graduated at 15!! He can modify human genes!! He successfully turned a man into a pigeon on the first try!! (The serum wasn’t the first prototype but we can assume he didn’t experiment on living humans with the previous ones.) And he’s still just 20!! Like what is that if not hella fucking impressive???!??

His inventions, to the untrained eye, may seem “stupid” or “childish” but alas! The observer couldn’t be more wrong! Because despite the odd designs and themes they’re all highly effective, as we have witnessed in the battle against Killian. And he is extremely creative for coming up with such ideas! Told you he’s brilliant!!

Which makes me all the sadder about how much they underappreciated him at the agency. In his words, nobody ever listened to him, or gave him a chance. They just left him and his “weird” ideas next to the men’s bathroom and called it a day. How could they be so blind? Didn’t they see the potential in his inventions? Oh well. Maybe I’m just being a smartass bc I have more knowledge, living outside that universe. But I’m totally right.

And I was honestly ready to throw hands with Lance for hurting the boi even further. (I’d stand no chance whatsoever, but still.)

Oh no baby please don’t cry.

He did cry in that scene though… you could see a tear rolling down his cheek and if it wasn’t for the machine beeping… He did have a pretty rough day afterall. But HEY, if we dwell on it too much the scene loses its comedic effect!! A guy gets sad over a stupid soap opera, har har har!! Now let’s move on, keep it fast and snappy for the kids, don’t let them overthink it!! Can’t have any emotional breakdowns onscreen. Keep it lighthearted y’know. Then let’s kill a random side character and have our dear protagonist almost die twice.

(Well jokes on you Blue Sky! I’m no kid, but a devoted fangirl who can and will overthink any material of my fictional faves at any given opportunity.)

You know what else I love about him though?? His love for animals!! And pigeons, especially Lovey!! He loves her so much, gives her gluten free breadcrumbs, nuzzles her, the first thing he does when he finds out Lance can talk to the pigeons is ask if she loves him too!! Like… That’s so pure and wholesome.

This here. THIS RIGHT HERE. BROTP forever.

(Not gonna lie, I used to be crazy for pigeons for like, an entire year or something. Not as in looking up all the facts there are about pigeons as I do nowadays with cartoons, but I’d feed them regularly and write my little observations on their behaviors. Did you know they sometimes scratch their neck with their leggies like dogs do?)

I think I’ve summed up mostly everything I love about this nerd. Oh wait, almost forgot the sass!! I love how sassy and smug he can be sometimes, in like, a really harmless way but it’s still a very nice characteristic.

Since I’ve ran out of coherent things to say, here’s an incomplete list of things I want to do to Walter Beckett. Put at the end of this post so those of you who were only here for the analysis part and not the selfshippy gushing don’t have to read further:

kiss he

like seriously

just kiss he a whole lot

cover his whole face in kisses

one kiss for each of his freckles. a finishing kiss onto the tip of his nose. then repeat the cycle

hug him. hug him like the world is ending. hug him so tight he can barely breathe

then ofc let go and apologize bc I would never hurt him on purpose

cuddle him

hold him close, let him lay his head on my chest

run my fingers through his hair

listen to his breathing

discover that he’s fallen asleep on me and smile fondly, then soon drift off to sleep myself so we can wake up entangled in eachother the next morning

fuck he

pin him to a wall and snog he

make him go cherry red

fluster he

compliment him. praise him. appreciate him. he’s a prince, a hero, an angel, a wonderful human being and he needs to know this

feed pigeons together

listen to his scientific ramblings and bird facts

write him love letters and give them to him. maybe read it aloud myself if I’m feeling brave so I can see his reaction in real time

serenade he

be the love of his life, and have him be mine

just… soft things, man

cook something for this malnourished sticc

make him small handmade gifts

they’re nothing like his gadgets but I tried

draw he

have him be my muse in general

not like he isn’t now but it would be lovely if he was real too

carry him bridal style

be the feral cryptid that lurks in his house when he isn’t around

sing along to cheesy pop-song together really badly

watch cheesy rom coms

flirt with eachother clumsily until we’re both laughing at our awkwardness

or, alternatively, shower him with compliments until he literally cannot handle it

have sleepovers together

give him hand kisses

be of emotional support

#picpost #fangirl #walter beckett #F/O #didn't plan to make an entire essay #though on the other hand I exactly knew this would happen

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nonhumanwithin · 5 years

Text

Advice for confused kin

(Note: I’m not fictionkin or any other type of unusual kin, just a normal otherkin, so I’ll be talking about my own experiences and not really fictionkin or the like. I wish I could help, I’m sorry!)

This is more centered around my personal experiences, but I do hope it helps others as well. Writing out your thoughts can sometimes help clear your mind c:

So, I’ve struggled with figuring out my kintypes for a long time. I’ve known I’m otherkin for almost 9 years now, and yet I still struggle from time to time with my identity. This is mostly due to my mental illnesses (BPD and CPTSD, if you’re curious), which I know I’m not the only otherkin struggling with. I know of a few others who are adults and have been in the community for some time who struggle with finding out their identity. So, if you’re like me, or maybe more new to the community or younger, either way, I hope this helps at least a little.

First, I’ll go over some basics:

Being otherkin means you identify as a nonhuman being (non physically!). You are this creature, and it is you.

Being otherhearted/kith means you identify with the creature, not as. Maybe you wish you were this creature, maybe not. It holds a part of your heart, and in a way, is probably apart of who you are as a person, but it doesn’t shape your identity in the same way a kintype does. You probably can’t imagine not identifying as your kintype, but you could still be you without your kithtype.

However, being otherhearted/kith is NOT the same as having a favorite animal. It can be like a favorite animal, but you feel like “favorite animal” doesn’t quite describe how you feel about the animal. It is definitely something more than that.

Cameo shifts are shifts into another creature that isn’t your kintype. (Note that shifting as your kithtype counts as cameo, or at least, I don’t know any better word for it, so that’s what I’ll call it for now.)

So, how do you distinguish a kintype from a kithtype? What makes a shift a cameo instead of a kintype shift?

I think for something to be considered a kintype, you must identify as it for a certain amount of time (maybe about 6 months) and distinctly feel that it is you and feel as if, when you see your kintype, you are looking in a mirror, not seeing a friend. (Of course, if you find your kintype and decide you’re sure enough to call it a kintype before 6 months that is completely fine, I’m talking about those who are confused or questioning and want to be absolutely sure!)

For me, when I see something I know is a kithtype- for this example I’ll use wolves, as they are a kithtype of mine and I did think I was a wolf for a while- I do see similarities between us. But I feel more a deep admiration for them than a feeling of “that’s me!”. I feel as if I’m seeing brothers and sisters, like I could walk among wolves like they are family, but they’re not. I like to compare it to the way Native Americans in movies (idk about irl so I’m comparing to movies bc it’s easier) have certain animals they deeply respect and sort of draw power/happiness/knowledge/etc from. It is a deep connection, and for me it feels almost familial. I want to protect wolves, and learn about them, and someday see them in person. I want to be their friend, their ally, their sibling. But I am not one of them.

With my dog theriotype, it’s different. When I see seppalas with black and white coats like how I imagine my theriotype to look, I get a very strong feeling like “that’s me!!!” and feel as if I’m looking in a mirror, or seeing a picture of me when I looked really good, haha. I see myself as this animal, and it feels completely natural to do so. I could imagine myself as my dog theriotype doing dog things, or imagine something silly like being a dog doing human things, like typing at my computer. But it feels 100% natural to see myself this way. Calling myself a dog feels right. Calling myself a wolf would feel more like, trying to fit into your older sibling’s clothes as a kid, if that makes sense? I sometimes want to be a wolf because I admire them so much. But, I am not one.

But of course, the lines between kin and kith aren’t always so distinct. Maybe you feel so strongly for an animal that you wonder if it is a kintype, but you feel it’s not quite strong enough to be a kintype. Maybe you have had very strong shifts as your kithtype and question if it means something more, or if the shifts were only cameos. Maybe you heavily relate to some of the characteristics of your kithtype and feel as if these characteristics are linked to a kintype and this creature fits your feelings fairly closely, probably not totally accurately.

Alternatively, maybe you question a kintype being a kithtype instead because you don’t always feel it so strongly. Maybe you’re not as connected to one kintype as another. Maybe you think you’re just biased and really really like this animal and shouldn’t be so quick to label it as a kintype.

So, where do you draw the line?

It might be different for you, but for me personally, I think I would have to consider myself this animal enough to want to call myself this animal, at least most of the time. Maybe I don’t feel it as strongly as my dog theriotype, but if I were to introduce myself to someone, I would want to mention all of my theriotypes. I must have somewhat frequent/strong shifts of this animal that do not fade, or feel partially shifted for a long period of time. I’ve found that if I have random bursts of shifts that are only caused by outside influences, they are cameo shifts. My kintype shifts might be more random, last longer, and feel more solid, while cameo shifts feel more unstable, like they won’t last very long.

What sucks about me personally is that, when I cameo shift, I feel very strongly in that moment that I am that creature, that I identify as it. I have had very strong feline shifts, where I feel totally cat and want to rub my head on things and purr. But I get these shifts too infrequently to call myself a feline. Though that’s how it is for me personally. Maybe you’re different and have very infrequent shifts, that’s okay!

The main difference is that I do not normally identify as a cat. I have strong cat shifts caused by outside influences and will feel as if I am internally a cat for a short time, but it always goes away. If I am doing something unrelated to cats and not thinking about it for some time, and someone asks what animal I feel like in that moment, I would not say I am a cat.

Another difference is I will sort of instinctively shift as a reaction to certain situations, such as fear. For example, I have social anxiety and I remember a day when I went to the store feeling particularly anxious, and had a strong orca shift as a result, feeling the urge to slap my tail at anyone who got too close (sounds hilarious writing it out tbh). I wouldn’t normally have cameo shifts as a defense thing like this. I wouldn’t shift into a dragon or cat or whatever in this situation unless I was already thinking about them a lot or something.

I would have wolf shifted in the past when I believed I was a wolf, because my dog theriotype is pretty similar to wolves and I was confident I was a wolf back then. So, it’s good to try to remain unbiased if you are questioning a kintype and wondering what animal your shift is linked to. Instead of labeling it with any specific animal, stay neutral. For example, if you feel a long snout and the urge to growl and bare your teeth, do not call it a canine shift. There are other animals with long snouts that growl.

If you have a lot of cameo shifts and want to determine whether certain shifts are cameos or indications of a kintype, I would recommend:

Doing research. You’ve probably already done research to figure out what animal exactly you are shifting into, but I’d recommend also figuring out if you identify with many of the traits from this animal. For example, do you feel drawn to the habitat it lives in? When you hear its vocalizations do they sound familiar and you think if you could make these vocalizations it would feel right? Think about how big or small the animal is, does it feel right imagining yourself from that point of view? Maybe you’ll find you do little things that are similar to this animal. Be aware that they could very well be normal human things, but ultimately I think it’s up to you to determine whether these characteristics feel related to a kintype or not. Also, everyone is different! Maybe you don’t like the habitat your kintype lives in, etc. You don’t have to identify with all of these questions.

Take it slow, don’t think too much about it. Personally, the more I think about a potential kintype, the more I want to rush things and feel more biased and want to label myself, but this can be a bad idea.

Going off the last note but it’s 100% okay to be wrong about your kintype. If you absolutely feel right calling yourself a certain creature and want to label yourself this now, go ahead! Do what makes you happy. Maybe in a few months or a few years you’ll realize you were wrong. But that’s okay, everyone is still learning and growing, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for switching labels when it doesn’t affect them at all. It’s your own life, your own mind. Only you know how you feel, and no one can tell you how to think or feel or whatever.

However, if you are prone to rushing things and switching labels and such and want to quit, I would recommend waiting around 6 months before labeling a new kintype. If by then you still feel strongly you identify as this animal, label away! I say 6 months because from what I have seen it’s the period of time before someone can be diagnosed with a mental disorder. You have to experience symptoms of a disorder for at least 6 months in order to be diagnosed. I think it’s a good amount of time, because a lot can happen in 6 months, but you will not change who you are as a person or your core identity in 6 months. Basically, your kintype isn’t going anywhere by then. The only reason I can think of someone identifying as the wrong kintype for 6 months is if their actual kintype is very similar, and maybe they aren’t aware it exists (which is what happened in my case!), or haven’t looked into it enough. But of course, it’s totally up to you. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.

It’s also totally okay to not know your kintype. Maybe you don’t know any of your kintype(s), and just know that you don’t feel totally human. That’s okay! Everyone goes at their own pace. You have all the time in the world to figure yourself out.

Keeping a journal is a good idea. Try to be as unbiased as possible and write down your shifts and other otherkin experiences. Write down why you think you shifted, if it’s totally random or was possibly caused by something. Write down any urges you have that you think are kin related.

Maybe try inducing shifts of different animals you are considering as kintypes and note the differences between them and how comfortable/stable the different shifts feel.

You could have a friend or just have a timer or something to remind you to randomly ask yourself how you are feeling in that moment, if you feel like any particular animal. It can be very subtle.

Do things your possible kintype would do, watch videos, look at pictures, or if you’re into drawing, draw yourself! Draw how your phantom shifts would look, or draw what you think you would look like as this possible kintype. If you can’t draw or feel it wouldn’t accurately capture what you’re thinking. try to imagine it as vividly as possible. Does it feel like you? Do you feel as if you’re looking in a mirror, or does it feel more like a character/fursona, or like seeing an old friend?

I won’t get too into detail about finding your kintype and how to do research and such because there is already a lot of information about that out there. I wish you all luck on your journeys to discover yourselves!

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flying-elliska · 5 years

Note

This is really random and I'm kind of a new follower, but from what I could gather you have such a strong opinion on different topics, which I kind of admire bc I find that so important but can't really apply that to myself oftentimes idk. Is it part of your personality or are you trying to be consciously aware to not just 'consume numbly'? Hope that makes sense. And you're giving such good advice?? But an anon has already stated that correctly. Have a lovely day 🎃✨

hey new follower, welcome to you then, glad to have you around <3 that’s a very beautiful compliment, thank you. idk if you were looking for advice too but here it is because it’s late and i can’t help myself apparently lmao. (with the caveat that I too am a moron frequently like anyone)

...

i am sort of a chronic overthinker, so maybe it’s natural. that said, i used to think i didn’t really have an opinion for a long time. i found it difficult to express myself. and i looked up to people who i thought did it well for guidance. so i feel you

i went to a school where we prided ourselves on being able to talk convincingly about things we had zero knowledge about so eh (not that this is a good thing lmao) but i grew past that

i think i realized at some point i just tend to have opinions that are very long winded because i like looking at different sides of an issue. i think part of that is me being a contrary bitch, i don’t like going for the obvious meaning (maybe it’s residual trauma from being raised by someone who had a quasi cult leader type of approach to parenting lol). we are so easily tempted to disappear into the group, or a relationship. i feel like knowing your own mind, defining your own self image, seeing past the easy judgments and surface meanings, being able to understand reality on your own terms, is one of the deepest, most urgent forms of freedom. also empathy - which does not automatically mean endorsement - and trying to understand things and people from their own logic.

we tend to assign error or folly or bad intentions very easily. but it’s often because of the limits of our own understanding. and well, i have a weird brain. i grew up feeling like some sort of alien, often misunderstanding people, social habits, my own mind. so constant overanalysis is to me, the survival strategy that came the most naturally. and so as not to let my brain eat itself, i have gotten pretty good at figuring out what’s relevant and what’s nonsense ( i still could get better at it tbh). but part of me is constantly checking myself so i don’t do something terrible or terribly embarassing. wouldn’t wish that on anyone tbh. i am increasingly learning not to oversimplify myself for public consumption. my mindscape is a jungle, so be it. what’s the shape of yours ?

i also grew up in a lot of different social spheres. i met people from all sorts of social backgrounds, from billionaires who owned private beaches and designed jewllery for fun to people living in trailers without electricity or in the street, from prissy heiresses who believed using the wrong fork was a sin to best friends who had to work since middle school to help their parents. from all sorts of creeds, from wayward soldier priests baptising people in streams to new age ‘shamans’ whose houses smelled of pee, from staunch atheists to adorable nuns living in stone villages in the mountains and wild mama bear witches. from all sorts of politics, from faithful anarchists to political exiles fleeing dictatorships to crypto-royalists and decrepit neo-colonialist conservatives. from all sorts of cultures too. i think that’s the fave part of my childhood. people are just so interesting. but everyone operates within their own specific world, and you can’t judge people from your own perspective. of course there are things that are universally right or wrong but beyond that, you have to get into the world in which they move, understand its rules. see how it intersects with others. a lot of social interactions are role play. once you get that, you get the codes, you can move in any circle. (also : very rich people can be so unbelievably boring. they buy into their own hype so much, like spoiled babies. nothing to be very impressed about.) People wear façades and play different roles to different people; that’s not always a bad thing, after all parents have to be strong for their kids even when they’re scared. But now you’re an adult (or getting there) don’t let yourself be too mystified

also : power. dynamics of power are everywhere all the time. if you’re not aware of them, that’s a mark of privilege. ( in the end, who profits ? is this building empowerment for people and communities or is it stripping it away ?) but they’re not totally all consuming either. there’s also always agency, and chaos, and possibility. and compassion.

i think it’s important to accept that it’s okay not to have an opinion on everything. and also that it’s always growing, evolving, deepening. it’s possible you taught yourself, out of survival instinct or habit or something else, not to trust your own heart/brain/intuition/experience. I don't think it's anyone's natural state to just consume numbly. i’m sure you can step beyond that, everybody can. also ; learn how to embrace being destabilized. there is always this one moment between knowing something, learning you don’t really, and then getting a deeper perspective, that is scary, but it’s okay. you can come back to your center. like any sort of growth, really engaging with difference implies discomfort ; bear it, it’s worth it.

i think any opinion that is too static is likely to turn into bullshit in the long run. like a good wine, it should gain in complexity with age. also : read up on sociology/anthropology if you haven’t already there’s just so much good stuff in there (and a lot of bullshit too lol) about what it means to be human and cultures and how minds work and symbols and etc etc. and find good news sources because it can be very easy to feel disgusted by the world otherwise. and read as much and as diversely as you can

find things to love about thinking ? for me it’s ; i don’t believe in this binary between mind/body, feelings/reason etc, i think it’s bullshit and they all influence each other. and so does our environment. we learned to think by looking at and interacting with nature. some of our neurons are in our stomach. we’re made of star stuff. we grow by engaging with others. and not to sound like a hippie but that shit is breathtaking bro. we encoded the world with stories and symbols and use them to tell ourselves and each other stories and built community and we’re all the time engaged in this web weaving. so i see and i want to see more and more thinking like this organic, tangible process.

in the end, what is it important for you to have an opinion about ? i think it’s about passion, and love, and justice, and truth. what do you want to be moved by ? what do you want to honor with your possibilities for learning and knowledge ? where you invest your energy and time, you invest your life.when you have something you are passionate about, it will be much easier to express the subtlety and depth of a meaningful opinion about it. and then you can apply that to other areas of your life.

personally i want to (i have to) live like a diplomat, as a balancing act, with elegance and the ability to make tough decisions with grace, moving between all the layers of life and bearing gifts from one to the next. and i want to be able to move people, and give them the kind of stories and knowledge that are tools for them to heal and be happy and make the world better.

i have my work to do, like everyone else, of sorting through my shadows and making the dream stuff intelligible. in the end it’s all about finding an authentic life. your own inner logic. the bonds that nourish it, and what you want to give.

and i think once you find that is for you, i think finding your voice, an opinion that is truly yours and not copy pasted from some one else, will be much easier to start weaving. but don’t worry ; it happens in small steps. i bet you’re already on your way.

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foundphoenix · 5 years

Note

do em all gang

this ended up being SUPER LONG. so instead of clogging up the dash,, i just put it under a cut. but here. all 38 of this meme here.

1. what would prevent you from following someone?

i won't follow back if there isn't a rules page for me to read. OR if i can't find the link to the rules page. i'm a stickler for being able to read someone's rules. it makes me super anxious not to be able to do so.

2. are aesthetics important to you? if they are, why?

sometimes. i won't NOT follow someone if i don't like their aesthetic. because when it comes right down to it -- i don't have to see someone’s aesthetics every day. just their writing.

3. what current rp trend do you hate?

i actually can't really think of one? i'm not super in the know about all the trends, though.

4. how do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

i've been roleplaying long enough that most people in my life know that i roleplay. but -- if i have to explain it to someone new... i kinda just tell them like -- i roleplay. and if they don't know what it is or if they immediately go to kinky things then i go more in depth and explain that no it's a writing thing between two people.

5.do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? why?

i don't really have a preference, if we're being honest. i know that most people do but... i really can't think of a single reason why i prefer one over the other.

6. do you prefer writing male muses or female more? why?

considering i have several more male muses than female you could probably say that i have a preference for male muses. but? i don't know exactly why that is. i think that... it just happens that way. i think that it's because i gravitate towards the abused boys, lmao. i want to cuddle them and love them and make them happy.

7. what's your opinion on call out posts?

i don't like them. i feel like things could be resolved in messages or with a block. but then again -- i've never been in a situation like that. so i don't know what the mindset is behind putting someone on blast.

8. name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

i really hate that we all can't just be nice & respect each other. i hate that people seem to gravitate to male muses more than they do female ones. & i absolutely cannot stand the drama.

9. what is your opinion on exclusivity? do you practice it? why / why not?

i have my preferences... but i don't practice exclusives anymore. i find that it causes more drama than it's worth.

10. have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? as either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

no, i haven't.

11. what do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started.

i've been roleplaying since i was twelve. over the years i've learned, as a sheltered homeschooled kid, that people can be harsh. it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings to be mean to you. / writing is hard. i've really had to work at getting to where i am now. & that this is a hobby, not a job. i don't have to do anything that i don't want to do.

12. have you ever been involved in drama? do you regret it?

not on tumblr, no.

13. have you ever thought about leaving rp? what caused it? what changed you mind?

i've thought about leaving roleplay hundreds of times since i was twelve. since i've been on tumblr though, i've never really thought about quitting altogether. i have, however, thought about changing fandoms a few times.

14. do you think rp has a positive or a negative effect on your life or you as a person?

i think it's had both, honestly. it has brought me so many great friends that i hope to keep forever. but on the other hand, there has been a whole helluva lot of drama over the years that have caused me to cry & stress out a lot. i put far too much effort into making people online like me. i worry far too much about what they think.

15. has rp changed you personally?

YES. all of my social interaction for years has come from online & rp. my friends have shaped and changed me from an innocent, anxious child. to an even more anxious adult. i have grown up on roleplay. like i said, i have been roleplaying since i was 12. i've changed a lot since then. i don't know what rp & the online community has directly affected to explain and what was just destined... but. lmao.

16. if you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? why?

i'd change how everyone treats each other. i just really wish that everyone could get along. i hate seeing people getting left out.

17. have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? why?

no, i haven't. i've sent asks to myself in the very beginning to see what they would look like on themes -- but it was never on anon & they got deleted just after.

18. have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? why?

NO. i have never done this. i've never even thought of it. i don't agree with it, either.

19. do you delete anon hate or post and address it? why?

i have never received anon hate ( so far. ) so i'm unsure how i would address it. probably just delete it and move on.

20. have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren't comfortable with?

YES. it's been a few years. but back where i used to write. everything was pretty anything goes. and there were a few times where i was uncomfortable with the scenes i was doing.

21. have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

yes.

22. what would make you block someone?

repeatedly breaking my rules. i'd soft block first. i'd only block if they came back and continued to do it.

23. have you ever stolen something from someone else?

i will admit, i have taken plot ideas before & wrote them with friends on discord. but i've never stolen anything like graphics or icons. that's not cool.

24. have you ever had something stolen from you? if so, how did you handle it?

no, i haven't.

25. are you open to duplicates? why / why not?

in the past i've been very open to duplicates. as of recent, i've been having some major duplicate anxiety. i don't like to see them on my dash. BUT i've made several good friends out of duplicates in other fandoms. so? i guess i'm chill w/ them. sometimes it just makes me anxious, haha.

26. how do you feel about vague posting?

not big on it, tbh.

27. do you follow people even if they don't follow you back?

i don't really check my mututals that often ! when i do, i'll go unfollow the people that i know i've been following for a while that never followed me back. but that's rare. tbh i don't really follow people first much anymore? idk sksks.

28. do you read people's rules before following or interacting?

ALWAYS. i literally will have anxiety if i don't. lmao.

29. what is your opinion on "reblog karma" and do you practice it?

i ALWAYS try to send a meme if i can. but i don't actively practice reblog karma -- i don't really care tbh. i'm grateful for all the memes i get. & with credence,, there are very few memes i'm comfortable w/ sending from him just bc of how he is. he's v picky w/ memes. if i can't send something i DO try to reblog from the source but shrug

30. how have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? do you use it in everyday life? do you use it at all?

i think it depends by what slang you mean? i've picked up several things from tumblr & twitter too? they're very similar in the way everyone talks. so?? i guess that i've picked it up idk skksks.

31. is there something you don't know the meaning of, but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it's supposed to be general knowledge? was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

i google a lot of the things i don't understand. which is a lot. or i ask morgan lmao.

32. have you ever experienced discrimination?

no, i don't think so.

33. how do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

i don't mind them following as long as they don't interact & throw off my activity.

34. have you ever cried while writing a reply?

yes, i have. most certainly.

35. do you read other people's threads, or do you only read your own?

i only really read my own. & morgan's if she sends them to me! sometimes i'll skim replies on the dash but i never really search out whole threads.

36. what is one thing other people seem to hate that doesn't bother you?

i can't?? really think of anything?? idk. lmao.

37. how do you feel about tagging triggers? do you tag them? how do you determine what is triggering contend and what isn't?

i don't tag triggers. except for anything nsfw & negative. ( which, i tag just as nsfw & negativity tw. ) i cannot determine what all is triggering content and it makes me REALLY anxious to try.

38. what advice would you give to someone new to rp?

HAVE FUN. don't try and take it so seriously that you end up making yourself a ball of nerves. this is a hobby. you don't have to take it so seriously that it wrecks your nerves. take advice from others. and just... enjoy yourself. idk. lmao.

OKAY FINALLY LMAO. damn, that was kinda stressful. took FOREVER.

#⁂. ooc ask. / me @ me: damn. no offense; but you need a fuckin' therapist.#aurorheroed #WOW #that took FOREVER #but there #lmao #all 38 #icb that i didn't just delete your ask #rip me & my fingers

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 7 years

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Do you have any recommendations about using progestin-only birth control to stop shark week pre-t? Does this work? Will a guy get feminizing side-effects from using hormonal birth control?

Lee says:

The progestin/estrogen combination-pill is usually the go-to for stopping your period, but I have heard of people using Norethindrone which is progestin-only to stop periods. With progestin-only pills, it’s super important that you take your pills at exactly the same time every day, and if you don’t then there’s a chance that your period might come back.

I’ve also heard of people using Seasonique (a combo pill) instead of Norethindrone, so it’s worth discussing which type is best for you since there is more than one option!

But it’s established that you can use continuous contraception to stop your period safely, and Planned Parenthood says you can safely stop your period with it.

I have heard of estrogen/progestin combos also working and they shouldn’t cause feminizing effects, but your results may vary.

“The FDA approved the first no-period pill (brand name Lybrel) in 2007. And, yes, this new pill is safe. It isn’t that different from other low-dose birth control pills that use estrogen and progestin to stop ovulation. Instead of taking four to seven days of placebo pills, however, people take Lybrel continuously, with no breaks and no period. Seasonale, another extended-use oral contraceptive, limits menstrual cycles to four per year. The FDA approved Lybrel based on two clinical trials, each lasting one year, of more than 2,400 women ages 18 to 49. The trials showed Lybrel to be a safe and effective contraceptive when used as directed.” (X)

Basically, yes, it’s possible to stop your period with birth control! You may have to try more than one thing if the first one doesn’t work for you, but it’s something you and your doctor should be able to work out. If your primary care physician doesn’t want to work with you with this for any reason, you can try a Planned Parenthood- they tend to be pretty good with this stuff.

From the NY Times: For the Teen Who No Longer Wants a Period …

I’ll collect other mod answers and follower responses from similar asks about stopping periods below for ya:

Kii says:

Estrogen-based birth control isn’t “feminizing.” If you’re AFAB and not intersex, you already have enough estrogen in your body that birth control can’t really feminize your body anymore.

You’ll have to decide for yourself if stopping your period alleviates more dysphoria than taking birth control gives you. Most people see very few physical changes when they take birth control, so it won’t make you “more feminine.”

Plus, estrogen and progesterone are not “female hormones” because everyone has them in their bodies, not just females.

Unless you have a method of birth control that’s especially designed to stop periods, your periods will not stop. There are many different types of period-stopping birth control, so your best bet is to ask your doctor or pharmacist what to expect.

You should always take prescription medication as directed by your doctor. If you want continuous cycle birth control, get a prescription for that instead, but don’t skip pills in your current prescription.

Once you’ve had your first period, you can be on birth control! My doctor once told me, “If you’re old enough to have periods, you’re old enough to be on birth control.” so I would say no, there’s no minimum age to starting birth control. For me personally, it has helped me a ton and I’m very happy that I started taking it.

Addressing a possible concern that wasn’t mentioned- I was on multiple types of birth control prescribed by multiple different doctors, and no one required me to get a gynecological exam until I turned 18. Generally, unless you’re having problems with your bits, you don’t need gynecological exams until you turn 18 or become sexually active. Here’s our big gynecology post!

Also, IUDs do not stop periods for everyone, but that’s definitely something you can try.

Kai says:

I got a hormonal IUD, which will stop my periods.

(tmi ahead)

There’s no feeling/sensation that I would know anything is in there unless I literally inserted my fingers to feel for it, and even then, the strings soften over time. I had some mild cramping and discomfort for 2 days after insertion, but took over the counter ibuprofen and have not felt anything at all since. I’m pretty sure most people, if inserted correctly, won’t be able to feel their IUDs on a daily basis unless something is going weird or they’re very very sensitive.

They would need to have the strings there so that you can tell if it’s either been dislodged or fallen out, or else you wouldn’t know and could potentially not be protected against pregnancy. Definitely talk to your doctor about it. You can also get daily birth control pills, but you will have to take those every day at around the same time, and also that’s not a localized hormone so there may be other effects you may not like, but definitely talk to your doctor about it.

Speaking of, there’s a post-IUD survey here (not affiliated with us) about people who had/have IUDs.

Archer says:

So, before starting testosterone I started on progesterone only birth control and it completely stopped my monthly occurrence. In fact I’d had issues with every other birth control method I’d tried and this one, with no added estrogen, stopped it all together. On top of that, my doctor even told me to continue taking the pill up until about three months on T so I wouldn’t have to deal with my period at all hopefully.

Ren says:

To my knowledge, most long-term birth control methods (the pill, shots, IUDs, etc) don’t cause breast growth, although some will make you more ‘feminine’. But the amount of estrogen in BC usually isn’t enough to cause any noticeable effects. Maybe some boop tenderness, but it’s not enough to, like, cause boop growth.

Phoenix says:

There are lots of non-hormonal birth control options available- you just have to tell your doctor/nurse that you would prefer a non-hormonal method and they can give you more information.

Even non-hormonal birth control can help with cramps and stuff. And honestly, even if you have to use a hormonal method, it isn’t a huge amount of estrogen added to your body. I would look into non-hormonal methods first, though. Best of luck!

Emery says:

Different types of birth control affect different bodies differently. Some birth controls are estrogen and progesterone, some are just progesterone, and some are non-hormonal.

Side effects of birth control that could be considered “feminizing” include weight gain (including in the breasts), breast tenderness, and potentially bleeding/spotting between periods. Birth control shouldn’t significantly affect your body size/shape though.

Implant birth control is usually a good method. They last for about three years typically, and I haven’t heard any horror stories about them. The implantation is relatively painless and pretty quick, and after a day or two you basically don’t notice it anymore. Then a few years later, it’s removed, and that process is also pretty quick and pretty painless. They have no serious side effects that I’m aware of, but you should consult with your doctor about whether it’s a good option for you.

As far as HRT goes, you would probably want to remove your implant before starting testosterone, but there shouldn’t be any complications from having had the implant previously, taking it out, and then taking T. Again, though, always talk to your doctor. None of us here have medical degrees.

You can use BC to have a period once a month, once every three months, once a year, or even once every three years, I think. Discuss with your doctor the best options for you and your body. Also consider visiting a sliding-scale Planned Parenthood for doctor’s feedback and cheap and/or free birth control of many varieties.

Fox says:

Extra estrogen in the body for DFAB individuals actually mimics pregnancy. Generally, the most it does is keep your skin clearer and hair shinier, perhaps similar minor changes. There shouldn’t be any huge changes, depending on the kind you use– but some individuals get bigger chests or hips from it, and that’s something to consider if you experience gender dysphoria. But if you’ve been on it for awhile and haven’t noticed those changes, you should be okay! I’ve been on BC for the same reason for years, and my hips and breasts are on the smaller side of average, so it isn’t an issue for everyone.

Tyler says:

I have Nexplanon, if people have questions about that then they can send an ask.

Autumn Says:

One of your fears is having more estrogen in your body. That is completely valid. But there is a cool fact about estrogen that might put you to ease. If your body has excess estrogen, it actually converts it into testosterone. I don’t know if that will help at all, but it might.

danny says:

birth control, depending on the method, can cause your body to retain water more easily. this means that regardless of your age, it can make your breasts grow. it really depends which method you are using, though. this also means that you will gain weight elsewhere too. when i was on birth control i noticed it made my hips and thighs a lot bigger, and didnt effect my breasts that much, however, it may be different for you!

Harper says:

Yes, one concern that some folks have is weight gain. But most forms of birth control do not cause weight gain:

https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/which-method-suits-me.aspx

The narrative about The Pill being linked to weight gain is based on dubious evidence:

https://www.nhs.uk/news/medication/does-the-pill-really-cause-weight-gain/

What looks like you’re gaining weight can be from water retention. it usually settles down after a few months, and will definitely go away if/when you end up going off the pill. That said if you are concerned I’d say speak to your GP if you can and also consider a the variety of birth control that has the desired effect.

Jay says:

According to this, certain types of hormonal birth control may slightly increase the risk of breast cancer. (Warning at the link for cissexist language). This page states that high-estrogen BC slightly increases your risk, but low-estrogen BC does not. Low-estrogen is the type most people use. This page says nothing about progesterone-only BC (that I saw), so it most likely does not pose a risk either. If you did get breast cancer (which is very unlikely), you could have a mastectomy (it’s actually part of the treatment). A mastectomy for cancer is actually quite different from top surgery. Top surgery removes about 95% of the tissue in and around the chest to create a “male” contour while a mastectomy for cancer removes as close to 100% of the tissue.

Followers, any personal experiences with birth control to add?

Followers say:

shmannah said: For those who cannot/prefer not to introduce outside hormones, paraguard is the only hormone-free BC that I’ve found my research (although it can affect the hormones your body naturally produces). Nexplanon is a hormone releasing implant! Just FYI.

lilulak said: Also depo-provera. Progesterone only, injection every 3 months.

timefrozen-waterstreams said: I hope its okay to say this, but please don’t take the needle variant, if you plan to stop your period with it. I did it and it kinda messed me up? I had my period for 2 whole months and even after it stopped, it won’t come normally and its longer than before. Many peoples body got messed up because of it, most will tell you not to take it. I think the name was “depo-provera”, but I’m not sure.

anon said: for anyone wanting to start the depo shot - it may make you bleed for the first 3 months youre on it due to the thinning of your uterus’ lining but i got my second shot on tuesday and my bleeding has almost stopped entirely! even so, you should talk to an obgyn if you experience this bc it could also be something more serious. its a pretty common side effect and it terrified me because they didnt tell me about it so figured id inform!

sfodijnvwipejrnfgworijnhgfrijfn said: i’m a trans dude and i’m on a depo provera shot (basically progesterone) and i haven’t had a period in years. it’s amazing. also you can continue to take it for birth control after you’re on t if you eventually do decide to go on hormones!

anon said: I’m on depo prevera and it completely stopped my periods. It’s just a shot you get every three months (unless you’re like me and I now get it every 10 weeks because I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). It does have some side effects but it could help those who struggle with dysphoria since it can stop periods. :)

anon said: about depo-provera!!! its great if its the right hormone combo for you, but when i talked to my gp about it he suggested taking a pill form birth control for a few months that’s the same sorta composition as depo so you can see how you react to it. some birth controls can lead to like. nausea and depression etc if it’s the wrong composition, so its better to test it out before you put it in for three months!

anon said: trying a different version (?) of depo first to see if the chemical composition works for you is a good idea. i had a really weird experience w/ depo, it messed with my mental state for about a week after i took it. & it only stopped my period for a month or two, then it just made it rlly irregular for a while. everything is back to normal now but i wish i could have tried a version that didn’t last as long.

rammyrue said: It’s worth noting that a few of these options (possibly all, I haven’t tried Seasonale) can mess up your libido but it won’t necessarily be mentioned by your doctor or in the Choose Which Is Best For You type pamphlet (but will in the paperwork with the pills.) I’d say that info is more than just a ‘nice to know’ if getting the 3-monthly injections and don’t get a side effects list. These medications can also make you put on or struggle to lose weight, which can sting if dysphoric about hip size. Oh, and also birth control meds in general can be horrible for your mental health. You might need to try a few different options until you find what works for you :)

anon said: I briefly went on birth control for really painful periods and dysphoria, and i ended up having a nervous breakdown. for any one with mental illnesses who’s considering going on birth control for whatever reason, make sure you talk to your doctor about any and all side effects!!! because stopping periods was not worth the severe depression and panic attacks in my opinion and my doctor never warned me

knifegoth said: I use it, it stops shark week but my chest grew, then again I’m still a teen so it might have just been me

rosemarionttyler said: My sister takes birth control (she takes them so she won’t get her shark week) and she hasn’t had any breast growth

theeightandtheone said: I’ve been on almost a year and my experience is they didn’t grow on their own but when I gained weight it went straight to my chest which is :/ but I recognize that if I lose the weight it should stop

anon said: I’ve been on birth control for awhile and it actually didn’t change my body at all! No more acne. I can skip shark week whenever now! It’s made me more accepting of my non binary identity. But it’s diff for every1

alexisthegayestofgayboys said: it didn’t always stop the bleeding i did this and i bled for 3 months straight

schizo-fractured said: I use nuvaring which stopped my period completely- and you only have to change it once a month so you don’t have to think about it that much, if that helps.

patmolandcornedrue said: i got a prescription for the patch from my family doctor without seeing a gyno, but she did a breast exam, so you should be prepared for that to possibly happen

anon said: to the person wondering about the birth control patch, i have found it to work really well. i have had no side effects, and it makes my periods shorter and less emotionally taxing. i highly recommend it for people like me who have issues with pills because it doesn’t have some of the harsher side effects assosciated with other non-pill birth control methods

xfelvesandmen said: You can also get an IUD for terrible pain since it generally stops periods, I’ve personally found it has fewer side effects that emphasize areas id rather ignore (breast tenderness, etc) than pills but it’s different for everyone

anon said: having and IUD put in is really quick once you’re in for the procedure. However, getting it put in hurts A LOT if you don’t get numbing stuff/pain meds (I’ve fallen asleep getting tattoos and I almost fainted during this), and outcomes vary a lot. Instead of making my period shorter it just made it last a lot longer but each day was lighter. There is a type of pill where you don’t have to have your period more than 3 times a year. I’d ask your doctor about your options and tell them what you want from it.

narrito said: When I was put on birth control when I was 12 or so, they didn’t do a pap smear or anything like that (because I was 12) and hell, they didn’t even do one when I was 16 and given an IUD. (Mostly because both times I could honestly answer no to if I was sexually active or not). So you may have to see a gyno, but you probably won’t have any sort of uncomfortable experience beyond having to answer weird questions with an adult around.

iteraltortoise said: Be aware tho anon some people w iuds end up w complications bc of them

madrigalfan1 said: my mother, aunt, and other people my mom knows have tried the mirena and have experienced really negative side effects like having it cause severe pain from piercing into other body parts bc it moved and being extremely difficult to remove bc of tht

theboychosenbythekeyblade-riku said: I’ve been using an IUD for close to 3 years and I have found that it doesn’t cause breast growth.

sleepyanimal said: Mirena is an IUD that releases progesterone and can be used with testosterone if you are thinking of eventually going on it?? I know this because this is why I chose this birth control method– but yeah it does stop/lessen periods and is a really effective birth control method

tigerqueer said: I second the mirena- it completely stopped shark week for me! Best of luck!

narrito said: I also have the mirena, the only downside is it is vaginally inserted, so it can get kinda uncomfortable. It does take 6+ months to stop your period, but some of the PMS can linger even after that like cramping and all that.

heyhosers said: I’m on Mirena which is an implanted birth control that ONLY relies on progesterone, NOT estrogen, so I’ve heard (not 100% positive) that you can be on it and T together. Anyhow, whether you’re on t or not, I HIGHLY recommend it. It makes most people’s periods stop, so it alleviates that dysphoria for me and it also doesn’t mess with my emotions!! Feel free to talk to me abt it ~

demiiboy said: Progesterone based (ie implant, depoprevera) is okay too, according to my pp. I’ve been on depo for 4 years and testosterone for 5months. No affect on the speed of my physical transition

demiiboy said: Progesterone based birth control (depo preva) is your friend. Has no feminizing effects

socollectioncyclesblog said: Progesterone is an androgen! I’m on continuous progesterone to stop my shark week axtually and it xan make you look a litttle more masxuline in some xases

magicalfairyprince said: Just get the depo shot. Thats what I did. You get it every 3 months and its one of the only forms of birth control that doesnt contain estrogen as well!

anon said: Just wanted to say that I’m on T but I also take a birth control pill. Its a progestogen only pill so I get no oestrogen from it. The good thing about this birth control pill is it stops your monthly stuff, or at least it did for me, so for about 2 years before I started T I never got my period which was great. For some it might be embarrassing to go to the pharmacy to get it but no one has ever raised an eyebrow. Just thought I’d share for people who are interested.

we-came-as-times-new-romans said: Estrogen based birth control and T may affect each other slightly, and you should probably not plan to be on estrogenic BC forever if starting T, but it’s ok

thelaner said: if it adds estrogen to your body in a consistent way, your body should make less estrogen of its own and it really shouldn’t change your hormones that much other than stabilize the hormone cycle

i-am-nathaniel said: I used to use birth control for my periods but the extra estrogen in my system kinda wrecked me mentally. Testosterone will stop your periods altogether if you can get on it.

soldierslightwillforeverburn: Basically from what I know the only one that won’t counteract/will be safe on T is a copper IUD.

toryinnismoved said: ive taken norethindrone and depo provera before and didnt notice any real weight gain on either (compared to gaining quite a bit upon starting T)

palethsharkstudent said: I take Norethindrone and it’s awesome!! completely stops menstruation without any physical changes estrogen-based pills would cause!!

httpcaden said: I took Norenthindrone which is an estrogen free birth control but I do NOT recommend taking it because it gave me 2-3 cycles per month and they were extremely painful and dysphoria inducing so. That’s one i don’t recommend, so if someone mentions it to you be hesitant about going on it. But Depo provara is an injection that - hormonally - is incredibly similar to testosterone and halts the cycle all together with very limited side effects

anon said: i took norethindrone before i took the depo provera. it worked fine (i still bled but even now i still bleed after a year on T and two years on the depo so thats more of a me thing, i think?) but my issue with it was that i had to take it twice a day and if i missed doses frequently my period would hit me Hard (w/ all the lovely cramps and gastro trouble) so if you dont have issues with remembering to take medicine every day it should be fine, but i recommend the depo provera

radical-boy said: Someone I know says the shots stopped her period completely so you could ask about that

crystal-jem said: I’m on the depo shot and have been for about a year, and its awesome. I don’t have a period or cramps at all, and mine were so severe they would make me throw up. Its a shot every three months on your butt cheek, and if you want to do it yourself you can even ask for a needle and syringe with your prescription

Lukas said: If there are any trans guys out there who are looking into BC pills as a way to control or manage their monthly “shark week” but aren’t sure what to use, I would personally recommend Seasonique. Seasonique comes in 3 month packs, which means you get your period only 4 times a year. It also means fewer (and possibly embarrassing) trips to the pharmacy. If you do experience spotting, you can talk to your gyno about adjusting your schedule. I have been using it for about a year and have experienced only minor spotting, my chest did not grow at all, I’ve not had any changes in sex drive or had any changes in weight or mood. While it might not be right for everyone, I know many people who’ve been very satisfied with it; again, it’s something to work out between you and your doctor/gyno.

tangible-crisis said: Cryselle has been really helpful for me. It’s a very small amount of hormones so there is not many feminizing effects. It worked great for me

anon said: I take cryselle (a 28 day pill) for 9 weeks instead of 3 and then take one placebo week! This was prescribed to me as I wanted fewer periods for blood loss reasons. I had tried a pill specifically made to be taken for 9 weeks but the dosage was too low so that’s why I take mine like I do! I can’t say there are any different side effects than the ones I already noticed taking it normally

anon said: i’m a pre-t trans boy on birth control and it hasn’t changed anything about me except made me healthier and more able to do things when i’m menstruating! the chemicals in birth control (well the ones in mine anyway) are actually the same ones used in oestrogen blockers, so you’ve got nothing to worry about!

anon said: I’ve been on birth control, and although it affects everyone differently, I can offer some advice. LoLoestrin FE has been really good for me. I’ve had heavy periods too and it fixed that. Ashlyna, the three month stuff, made my boobs grow though

anon said: The birth control I take is called LoLoestrin. It has really low doses of estrogen and progesterone, and hasn’t given me any side effects while being really effective at managing my period and cramps. I recommend it for afabs who want to use BC!

space-boy-3000 said: This worked well for me for a while but the low dose may not be enough for you, I had to switch to a higher dose because it didn’t have any effect

courteous-lamp said: I take LoLoestrin too and I had side effects. I got a lot of acne and unpredictable mood swings. I’m generally extremely sensitive to medication though

chaeslife said: there’s this one implant that they can put in your arm called Nexplanon that can lighten your period and for most people it will stop completely.

pimptier said: Get the stick! I’ve had my nexplanon stick for a year and it completely rids me of my period and almost all of its symptoms!! Plus there isn’t a pill you have to take every day (mines good up to 3 years but I’ve heard of some good up to five!)

anon said: I’m a cis girl and I got the nexplanon implant. It can stay in your arm for 3 years. After the bruise goes away you hardly notice it’s there. (For most people) it stops your period. It’s great if you can’t remember to take pills.

superbananatime said: My doctor gave me these pills I would take only when I get my period! It makes it not as heavy flow and usually I have like 10 day periods also but it was like seemed like 5 days.

frogprincesstsuyu said: I’m not sure what your pills look like, but if there’s a 4th row of different colored pills (they may be reddish brown, yellow, or another color, or you may only have 3 rows) then you skip that row and immediately start the next pack. This means you pick your pills up one week earlier. The 4th row is placebo pills that don’t contain hormones, so you get withdrawal bleeding. If you skip the placebo pills, then you won’t have the withdrawal bleeding/ “period”.

pageollie said: my best friend takes tri-montly birth control and just skips the week where the pills are just placebos. they’re transmasc and their period causes extreme dysphoria as well as physical pain/issues. they have their period every 6 months I believe?

we-came-as-times-new-romans said: There is a 3-month cycle pill. Please don’t misuse a 1-month prescription without talking to a doctor about it.

physicsmagics: Yeah, some people take the active pills for the entire month instead of taking the sugar pills for a week out of the month, which is what causes you to get your period. It depends on why you’re on the pill. My dr wanted me to do that for 90 days due to painful periods

anon said: I’m on a progesterone-only pill called Desogestrel, and for me it’s been great because: A) it has completely stopped my menstruation B) there’s a 12-hour window for taking it each day, so it’s still effective even when you forget to take it at the usual time (great for my ADHD self) and C) I’ve had no noticeable side effects at all for the whole 2 years I’ve been on it. Not started T yet, but multiple doctors have said the pill should still be effective once I do. :)

anon said: For ppl in the UK I just went to my GP and said “my period is giving me awful gender dysphoria can you prescribe me something to stop it?” and she just gave me a choice of 2, discussed the difference and gave me a prescription for the one I chose! No touching or further explaining was needed :)

anon said: Some doctors will refuse to use continuous birth control to stop your periods. If you get one like this, ask about Seasonale or another similar birth control. It doesn’t stop your periods completely, but it makes it happen every three months.

anon said: In my experience ( and those I know of who also take it) it doesn’t make your body more feminine! You can skip it for ~2 months, shorten the time span & how heavy it is, and virtually no cramps, headaches, other icky stuff.

anon said: My doctor put me on Jolivette, which is a non-estrogen birth control pill. (I wasn’t out, but estrogen birth controls can cause blood clots and my family has a bad history with those kinds of things) It doesn’t make the cramps go away 100% but it helps a LOT (before, I was missing school two days at a time because I would sometimes black out)

sanguis-ripam said: You should def stay in check with blood work to watch your hormone levels, and like if one doesn’t work for you because of mood or physical shit tell your doc. A lot of AFAB people have to experiment with which birth control is best.

trans-chat said: Liam says: I was on birth control for a while and the only thing it did was lower my sex drive and control my periods a bit. You probably won’t gain weight in any way unless you’re on something really strong. Another mod, Lukas, has been on birth control for a while and hasn’t noticed anything other than a lower sex drive, less acne, and a slightly lighter period. I would give it a try and if you don’t like it switch. There are shots you can get every three months that completely stop your period so maybe talk to your doctor about that.

#Lee says #period #menstruation #birth control #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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coshayphinelove · 7 years

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@politeyeti , it’s been like... a billion years, but i lost my original post (tumblr ate a bunch of my drafts) and then i forgot about it and then i forgot what i wrote and now i remember. so here it is... more trans!delphine.

the Business Professional suits she wore in season 3 made what was already a hellish emotional nightmare into a hellish emotional dysphoric nightmare. she can’t even look at shoulder pads anymore.

she’s really bad at expressing herself about anything. she doesn’t feel like she has a right to be upset about the horrible things that have happened because she caused some of them. literally the only thing she ever candidly talks to cosima about is dysphoria. through talking about it so much she gets really good at identifying a lot of her biggest triggers and gets better at avoiding/dealing with them. but then she has to talk about her other feelings because there’s nothing left to talk about. she can’t decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

loves loves loves loves baths. hates hates hates hates that the basement lab bathroom only has a shower stall. showering together is nice but it’s not cuddling together in a cocoon of warm water surrounded by bath bomb fragrances.

has not cut her face shaving in almost a decade. tells anyone who will listen at every opportunity.

petey doesn’t give her hormones while she’s on the island. so on her lil old people poop adventures she finds a drug dealer that sells hormones to trans people who would not otherwise be able to get them. she gets pills because they are the easiest to hide in a plastic bag in her bra. but she has to ration them, seeing as she doesn’t know when she’ll be out next. she literally never lets the baggie out of her sight, even going as far as bathing with them.

mrs. s notices. probably because she has to take a dose while they’re talking and the really cool and great mood swings she gets from taking them improperly. when she gets to the lab after geneva her preferred method of hormone intake is waiting for her with a note that promises that she’ll have as many as she needs until she can get to a doctor and a new prescription.

the ptsd, the anxiety, the depression, the dysphoria, the guilt, and the new prescription really lower her sex drive. cosima has half of the same things but it has the opposite effect. they have to come up with a 1 to 10 rating system for how Not Okay they are with sexing/not sexing and the conversation of “you don’t have to if you don’t want to” “but i want to make you happy” etc etc ad nauseam usually just leads to cuddle/kissing half naked.

and a coshayphine au outline below the cut bc *bill wurts voice* i’m a piece of garbage. mobile users, please pardon the length. i just have a lot of feelings.

shay works for a company that is somehow involved in the conspiracy some way. she doesn’t know, but shows up where delphine got shot and saves her. once back at the home base she offers her home as the safe house bc she sees how unwilling to talk to people she is.

delphine is treated, they give her pain meds but nothing else. so eventually she has to come out to shay to get hormones. shay is surprised, but is overall very supportive. even though it’s the bare minimum of human decency to not throw someone out of your home for being trans, it touches delphine and makes her really emotional. (there’s probably an element of somebody caring for her wellbeing as well that makes her cry real hard.)

shay urges her to call cosima. she’s not well. she needs someone who knows her. or is at least someone she didn’t threaten. but delphine is terrified. she doesn’t know if cosima even wants to see her. if she feels the same. if she would even care that delphine is marooned in toronto or would do anything about it. and she doesn’t have anybody else.

whatever place she used to pull her strength from, that place that made her stand back up after she’d been knocked down is empty or gone. she’s got nothing left. she can barely keep it together when she asks to borrow a book and shay brings out a whole box. if she can’t handle someone being kind then if cosima isn’t kind to her... what kind of state would that put her in?

so shay lets it drop. but it is a goal that they have. eventually, even if it is years from now, delphine will call cosima and tell her what happened.

shay reads up on trans women. all of her trans friends are trans masculine so she really has no idea what she may need, and if they’re going to be roommates she’s gotta know her shit. she comes to delphine after a while asking, “so i read a lot of stuff about trans women in general, but i was wondering if there was anything you needed. like i know trans men have packers and binders and i know trans women have shaping underwear. but i don’t know if you want any. or if... you would need that... or... you know...” delphine just laughs at her a little. “that was a lot of words.” she says she doesn’t really need much, just a razor for her face and some underwear in the next size up would be nice.

after that delphine lets shay help her bathe. she didn’t want to out herself, but now that she’s out the smell from the places she couldn’t reach without ripping her stitches out is getting to be a bigger problem than any kind of shyness.

baths and bandage changings lead to hair brushing/braiding and eventually cuddling. shay figures out that touch grounds delphine. if she’s off in some panic spiral, a hand on her knee can bring her back and a hug can calm her down. they become really close friends.

after delphine finds a sweater that used to belong to cosima she has a minor breakdown. she details what she felt with cosima, someone who was kind and understanding and who didn’t have some kind of crisis of sexuality after finding out she was trans. she misses her so much and is afraid she’ll never find someone like that again, that she’s either going to be alone forever or have a series of bad relationships. it hurts shay’s heart a little and vows to herself to be the best friend she can be.

delphine develops a little bit of an agoraphobia. she’s trans and bi and injured so doing clothes and makeup isn’t really high on her list so she’s afraid of someone noticing her and making her as trans. and there’s actual literal people out in the world who tried to and still want to kill her, delphine, for being delphine. she goes out for therapy and for quick errands, but mostly just stays inside.

shay is fine with that. so many cuddles. but at some point they share a kiss. it’s a fading laugh, leaning slowly in, eyes wide open kiss. and that kiss leads to a long talk. which leads to more kisses. which leads to them calling each other girlfriends. which leads to sex.

sex with cosima had been a little intimidating. she had an encyclopedic knowledge of sex acts and experience with most of them. it’s not that she didn’t try to make her feel comfortable and everything, it was just A Lot. so since a lot of sex with shay is relatively new to the both of them and there’s a lot more giggling and slipping and falling. several times shay forgets that she’s gotta stop her knee a couple inches lower than she’s used to and knees delphine in the balls. which delphine is adamant didn’t really hurt that much but her voice is so strained it gives her away.

they go on like this, but then shay gets word through work that cosima has been taken or has gone to neolution island. delphine is beside herself. she could die there, shay!! so shay makes sure she is returned safely to toronto. after a long hard talk, delphine decides that she would be okay with seeing her for a talk.

cosima takes it as well as you would assume anyone would. she thought delphine was dead but she’s been around the corner the whole time? and then she finds out that she’s been here, in a love den with shay [SHAY???] the entire time, while cosima was scared and alone and flirting with disease ridden bots. she says things she immediately regrets, delphine cries, and they both see the scary dangerous side of shay that they knew existed but had never experienced when she kicks her out.

since that was literally a nightmare that delphine had on a regular basis, she’s a lil messed up from that. she’s withdrawn and goes back to sleeping on the couch. there’s a guilt that she just can’t get rid of. ‘i should have called her.’ ‘i should have gone straight to her.’ ‘it was selfish to take care of myself.’ etc etc.

shay can’t get through to her so she contacts cosima and is all scary saying, “i don’t care if you’re lying, but you go and you apologize and say that it was a good thing for her to prioritize herself bc i’m afraid she’s gonna hurt herself and she’s not listening to me when i say it.”

that is Not what cosima wanted so she goes back and talks to delphine. they talk about p much everything while shay is in the room bc “i’m going to tell her everything anyway.” it’s emotional and awkward and so cathartic. they finally know the truth about what happened and they finally know how the other felt and why and how and everything they ever had questions about. as cosima is leaving, delphine asks if she can see her again.

and thus buds a friendship.

but it’s killing cosima. with her time alone she realized that there were really only two people she could see herself dating. and they’re dating each other. and they have a better and stronger relationship than she had ever had with either of them.

she accepts her fate. she knows she’s never gonna be more than their maid of honor. the best friend. auntie cosima. the wing man. she knows she’s probably never gonna date seriously again. she’s just going to have a string of hookups but nothing more. she knows this. she’s just. really depressed about it.

shay finds out. probably through a melodramatic encounter in the hallway as shay comes home from work and cosima leaves.

and then shay has this soft spot for cosima. and delphine for sure still loves cosima. and it’s just this little triangle of unresolved feelings.

i can’t decide who brings up polyamory. it’s never cosima bc she would never do it. but if delphine did suggest it, it would be bc she wants to make cosima happy. if shay did it it would be to make them both happy.

and then it would be just a delphine-centric polyamorous vee. and cosima is a little afraid of, very aware of shay. and shay is the one who suggests closing the relationship into a triad.

potential for sarcoshayphine but this is already so long and yeah.... anyways always please talk to me about trans!delphine

#ALWAYS PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT TRANS!DELPHINE #I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH BUT I NEVER POST ABOUT IT BC I FEEL LIKE NOBODY WOULD CARE #AND/OR I REALLY DONT WANNA DEAL WITH TERFS #I HAVE A MEME FOR IT BUT I DONT HAVE THE GONADS TO DO MUCH MORE #ANYWAY #TRANS!DELPHINE #DELPHINE CORMIER #MY FIC #HEADCANONS

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halvatir · 6 years

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Hello mizu! Its okay if you're too busy/don't want to do it but could you do the more detailed character ask for flanel and randel? Curious anon here, have a good day!

hey there anon, hoping you’re having a good day too ( ᐛ )و - are you talking about this ask??? i’m not sure what you’re talking about but bless these kinds of tumblr blogs, here u go

btw the likes/dislikes are in reference to my interpretations for them, the fav/least fav moment are in reference in-game since y’know… these guys don’t exactly have ‘moments’ minus… idk, whoever the devs decide to feature in the updates (゜▽゜;)

flamel (… flanel lol i thought u were referring to another chara)

what i like about them: perfectly self-aware of himself: knows what his strengths + capabilities are and also his weaknesses + flaws, along with his morals + ideals + character. nope, any form of psychological bullshit won’t work on him. he’s absolutely aware of what he’s capable of doing and he’s not in denial about his shortcomings at all… what he does with that knowledge and what he plans to do about it is more of the question.

what i dislike about them: while flamel has a condescending air about him, he actually does not look down on people and he acknowledges others’ capabilities + character, even if they’re better than his own. that’s the problem: he knows or at least he has a general idea of a person’s capabilities + character, and what he dislikes the most is if it is not put to good use. without mercy, he can really say stinging observations about one’s failures and fears straight to their faces - the worst part is? it hurts, bc it’s true. he’s insensitive, but you can’t exactly deny his words either.

favorite moment: when i get his card lol bc i really like his card art??? not the mvp + biochemist one, the regular one - like… daMN??? i dig, he probably has the best regular card among the bio mobs imo

least favorite moment: ??? have u fought this fucker in-game??? no??? lucky u then, cecil’s still the queen bitch but mAN is flamel also a pain to fight, the last time i played ended up with my party dying partially bc of him and his clones

a situation with this character that i want to see explored more: not exactly a situation but his backstory??? or okay, something with his family - i know he’s nicholas flamel’s son but what about his mom? or what if: his parents announce that he’s about to have a sibling like??? what, i’m like around my 20s already then u tell me i’m gonna be an older bro i am questioning ur nightly activities??? cue a much needed slap from his mom lol

an interesting au for this character: lol i’d probably like to see flamel in a soulmate au where he feels the same emotions his partner does like wow he’s really irritated at it at first bc really why is this person so damned emotional / feel so much but eventually he’s able to compartmentalize his partner’s emotions from his own and he also takes note of the emotions his partner experiences in a journal daily, complete with time frames/lines??? that’s sort of sweet??? it also becomes a habit for him to look at the journal at the end of the day and think of reasons why his partner may have felt this way at each of the recorded times??? what’s funny tho is that despite the fact that he’s been taking note of his partner’s emotions for so long (probably middle school up to college?), he’s never gotten the urge to discover who his soulmate is, or to try find said person. sorry soulmate, you’re the one who’s gonna take initiative.

a crossover: top of my head, probably a fullmetal alchemist one lol - he’s probably some big shot alchemist then surprise surprise, one of his transmutation attempts fucked up him up pretty badly leading him to the gate of truth. he wakes up feeling ‘empty’ only to figure out that somehow his parts of him have taken the form of homonculi… and not just any kind of homonculi - they introduce themselves as a part of him, the sins in him that has made him the man he was today. they even call him father and take different human forms (lol, aka they take the form of his floormates, take a pick who represents each sin) - the revelation is in his travels tho while he’s trying to get to the homonculi, is that flamel himself embodies a sin, the seventh sin that completes all of them (try guessing what, lol). ooooh, this could probably be good if i actually fix this but yeah, there u go, it goes somewhere along those lines.

otp: none, actually.

other ships: kathryne // trentini

brotp: randel // alphoccio

notp: lady tanee hahAHAHA jk no seriously idk just ignore my first entry pls it was supposed to be a joke… maybe…

assortment of headcanons

surprise bitch, he’s the best chef in the biolabs but he ain’t gonna cook for anybody but himself - the only time he isn’t hung up on precise measurements + time is when he’s cooking

has a pair of reading glasses, uses them often and keeps them stored away neatly in his desk complete with a wipe - he always makes sure there’s adequate lighting + his reading glasses are present when he reads stuff, he sure cares for his eyes a lot

he… surprisingly follows a lot of good health practices - he always takes 15 - 20 min break if he’s been doing something for a straight hour (patrol + battles are exempted), drinks 8 glasses of water daily, sleeps early, etc.

his hands are always gloved - takes ‘em off only when he’s about to sleep. his right hand is pristine but his left hand has a strangely shaped burn mark that runs diagonally across his palm - it looks old.

he looks prim and proper but honestly his room is nuts - what’s more confusing is that he isn’t bothered by his room’s state at all + he knows exactly where his stuff is when he needs it, like… dude… how do u even know where to find ur shit in a warzone called ur room, teach me ur ways master

randel (oooh this is new)

what i like about them: he’s a very resolute yet flexible person: definitely not the type of person who’d go second-guessing on his decisions or would waver in times of crisis, but he’s not also the person who’d insist on pushing on with the initial goal/objective when difficulties or contradictions arise - he takes in the present situation + other factors & encountered facts and weighs them against the supposed goal/objective. from there he determines what he thinks would be the best course of action to take, and it takes him only a short time to do so even under pressure.

what i dislike about them: true to his class, he’s too self-sacrificing??? which is like… dude c’mon it’s probably an honor for the crusader line to die in the act of protecting others but still if u die, who’s going to protect those who can’t protect themselves? like yeah, he understands that too but he’s more inclined to believe that it’s better for him to be left behind/sacrificed/die in exchange for the lives of the majority. well - it’s either he’s that self-sacrificing or sadly, when weighed against the lives of the people he must protect, he doesn’t place that much value on his own life.

favorite moment: the feel when u don’t get his attention, seriously. pls let me sneak about ur floor in peace - i swear i went to church so pls stop with the grand + holy crosses

least favorite moment: fighting him is torture bc if rms data is right, 478,745 hp, man - he has the longest hp out of his floormates… and that’s just a regular randel… the paladin one has 3,870,000 and the mvp one a whopping 6,870,000… since his life is that fucking long, say goodbye to trying not to be mobbed by the other ghosts bc ur still busy trying to kill him, damn

a situation with this character that i want to see explored more: same like flamel, knowing his backstory would be A+ but… hmm, maybe something way back like his origins story or something, the story of why and what made him decide to be a swordsman/crusader. y’know, that’s if we’re assuming that he’s not from a family line of swordsmen/crusaders or something. idk, sometimes the thing is with characters who are in line with a faith/ideal is that i’m interested in what made them devote their lives to that certain faith/ideal in the first place.

an interesting au for this character: oooh, just… idk, a modern au where he suddenly ends up taking care of the bio2 kids who are orphans. he’s never mentioned it to anyone, not even to the people of his workplace who happen to be his friends/co-workers like for 4 years already. therein lies the problem: his friends on separate occasions have seen him with at least 2 or 1 of the kids. they all know randel isn’t married. the hair colors (cenia and laurell) + other features don’t match up. some distinctly heard a kid call him dad/daddy/father (see: wickebine, armaia, the rest respectively). conclusion: it’s either a) he’s babysitting as a part time job bc goddamn rekenber’s a cheap son of a bitch that won’t give him a raise, b) those kids are his cousins or something and are probably so fond of him that they see him as a father figure, or c) illegitimate chiLDREN FROM SOME ONE NIGHT STANDS ALRIIIGHT SCANDAL IN THE OFFICE. chaos ensues even before poor randel has a chance to explain himself.

a crossover: lol, idk… a shingeki one maybe where randel’s probably the head of the survey corps, watching over our fated trio (probably flamel/celia/chen for his floor, bio2&3′s are a mix&match). for some time, the trio don’t see him but strangely enough when the trio get old enough to join the corps, they discover that randel is considered a scum and a traitor to humanity by all three army regiments (survey, garrison, & military) which is strange bc randel is very well known and respected by humanity within the walls, wow. when the trio get deeper into his case, it turns out that randel vehemently fought against a group of scientists that were looking for human subjects for the ‘sake of saving humanity by using present resources’ - the three of them were seen as part of those potential resources and were eyed upon by the scientists were they were already young, along with other people from different parts of the walls (the other bio mobs). what happened to randel, however, is left in the air… was he even still alive, or had something important happened leading him to be branded as the traitor of humanity? politics, religion, science, drama, and titans (removers maybe lol) ensue.

otp: again, no solid one.

other ships: ????? surprising revelation is that i don’t exactly ship randel romantically, wow even i just discovered that now

brotp: his floormates - although honestly i think that one way or another, randel could be on everyone’s good side once they just get around to talking, probably

notp: zealotus oKAAAAY no seriously pls make me stop placing random mobs in this section

assortment of headcanons:

very, very religiously open + tolerant. he shows a lot of interest on other faiths and is knowledgeable even of various religious practices asides from his own. of course, he’s still steadfastly loyal to what he believes in first and foremost, but he feels no need to impart his beliefs to those who don’t / are reluctant to believe. he isn’t the type you’d see to be preaching about his faith either, that is unless you ask.

in line with the hc above, his tolerance also extends to people and their character + personalities, but he isn’t too tolerant to the point that he’d rationalize questionable actions + motives. he may have the patience of a saint, but no one’s so sure if they want to see him snap / test his patience to see what makes him tick. throwing bullshit about his faith doesn’t work on him, actually.

he’s pretty crafty - he pretty much taught himself other ways to help people, from practical stuff like sewing to more complicated stuff like woodwork + metal works, wow. he’s basically the ideal useful guy in survival crises… minus the fact that he can’t cook that well lol

he has the worst drinking tolerance among the bio3 + bio4 residents - the sign that he’s drunk is when his face shows more expression than usual + his posture breaks (the paladin randel card art lol). nobody knows bc damn son, he has a pretty good poker face and he can hold it for a really long time

... the only reason he grew his hair long is bc of a promise to his mother. he vowed that if ever he was to fall in love (and it was reciprocated) / find the person he would devote his life to, that would be the only time he would cut his hair, and his mother would do the honors... but... yeah... wow, i made myself feel sad

this was a lot of fun - thanks a lot for the ask anon, and i welcome your curiosity anytime! (　＾∇＾) i’m always in for a distraction from work lol

#anon #askdfghjl #hmm those aus tho... not bad #maybe i'd plot them out sometime lol

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emptypokedex-blog · 7 years

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hi so i'm trash and i was scrolling down your blog and i saw the homestuck au and i want to draw art of it so do you have any like, references or ideas as to how everyone looks? like, horn shapes, symbols, outfits, etc? or are they just like the same from the manga? sorry for bothering you btw

2: hi, specialstuck anon again. any ideas for like their online handles and ancestors? sorry about bothering you about this bc i just realized that your posts about that au was from like months ago and idk if you care about it anymore i’m so sorry

Hello! I’m sorry for not responding. I’ve just been a shitty blog-runner, and haven’t been here. This ask makes me really happy because I honestly still like Homestuck and genuinely think its well written. I was really into classpect assignments back in the day, so this was a fun little project.

I didn’t post about it because I didn’t think anyone liked it, but here you are, proving me wrong-ish!

AND OH MY GOD YES, I LOVE WHEN ASK TO DRAW ART OF MY IDEA!Don’t worry nonster, you’re not bothering me at all! I’ve literally done nothing over the summer.

I’ll post the pictures separately too just so you can zoom in.

I’m putting a cut because this got longer than expected.

Okay, so I had a guide with all of their horns and symbols, buuuuuut…I lost it. So, special for you, I made a new, updated one! My hand was cramping so bad after this. I would scan it, but I don’t trust my printer/scanner right now, because last time I used it, it completely crumpled my drawing (its the kind that eats the paper and scans it)

BTW I changed some stuff.

In terms of online handles, I dunno. Those are haaard. Ancestors, ignoring the sexes of the characters, would be the character’s parent of the same gender, unless there is only one parent, or if the character has no known parents or no living parents, they would be a sibling. If there are no siblings belonging to that character (Emerald, Red, probably someone else I’m forgetting), they would be a fictional character or OC or someone else from the canon that has some sort of familial or social relationship to the character. So for Silver it’d be Giovanni, Sapphire has Birch, Ruby has Norman, Crystal and her Mother, Green could either have Oak or Daisy. Yellow’s could be her Uncle. And so on.

Clothes would probably be the same, except for the trolls, all their shirts would be black instead of the color they normally are and for the humans all their shirts would be white.

In terms of Lusi (Lususes?) for the trolls, their starts fully evolved forms would be them. So, like, Swampert would be Ruby’s Mudbeast Lusus or Meganium would be Crystal’s Neckbeast Lusus. The same for the humans’ consorts, except in that case, they be the unevolved versions.

Gonna get my caveats out of the way now, I wanted to stick to the ‘one-of-each’ format Homestuck has going on while adhering to the gender-roles, so, at the end, some characters were left with God Tiers that didn’t really fit them *coughsilvercough* So, for those characters, I’ll provide what they were left with and the alternate I would have preferred. The hardest was finding a Breath player. Only the humans had repeats of the trolls.

(Top: Gold, Silver, Crystal Bottom: Pearl, Diamond, Platinum)

Gold: Knight of Blood, Land of Sap and Bells, CueKind, Non-Psionic Yellow-Blood, Prospit.

I forgot why I designed Gold’s horns the way I did. I think it had something to do with resembling his hair. His symbol is the logo for HeartGold.

Gold is a character who’s arc is about feeling inferior to his friends and overcompensating. When he finds out that he didn’t have a title, it broke his heart. The Knight class experiences change and growth throughout the game, and the Blood aspect is about platonic relationships and bonds. Come to think of it, I think Gold could also pass for a Page.

I can see Gold being on the characters who starts one of the teams and competitively tries to get the people he wants to join his team.

Silver: Rogue of Breath*, Land of Dust and Masks, IcePickKind, Non-Psychic Rust-Blood, Derse.

*Not only could I not figure out what Silver would be, but he was also the one to get the most out of character God Tier. I can see him as a destructive class, like Prince of Blood, but both that class and aspect have been taken. I am very unhappy with the result.

I had so much trouble drawing Silver’s hair, that I ended up putting it in a ponytail, but, let’s admit it, we all need for more of that. His horns are supposed to look like an ‘R’ when put together, so one is curved and the other has a hook on the end. They’re asymmetrical. I know its hard to see, but they are. His symbol is supposed to be the logo for SoulSilver.

I refuse to explain Rogue of Breath because there is nothing to explain. Rufioh, in canon, is a Rogue of Breath and these characters have nothing in common. A Rogue of Breath would steal Breath – or Direction – for the benefit of others and I genuinely cannot make this work. So, instead, I’ll explain Prince of Blood. Prince is a destructive class that destroys with the aspect, in this case Blood, or bonds. Prince can also be one who destroys the aspect. So, Silver destroying past bonds he no longer wants.

Silver would befriend Blue over the chat, become fascinated by the concept of siblings and request to be Blue’s sister (cause she was explaining it in terms of being his unrelated sister), to which she’d agree for him to be considered her brother.

Crystal: Thief of Doom, Land of Wheels and Flood, FootKind/ShoeKind, Non-Psychic Teal-Blood, Prospit.

One of Crystal’s horns is supposed to be straight, only curving at the end, and the other one has a star on the tip. Her symbol is, surprise surprise, a Star.

I know what you’re thinking. Thief of Doom? Crystal? No Way! Well, I’m gonna explain. Thieves take the aspect to benefit themselves, and the concept of Doom ranges from just a simple burden to death itself to complete planetary destruction. In the Pokespe canon, Crystal was hired to complete a job Green and Red failed to finish, and she was happy to do it. This makes me think that Crystal is willing to take on certain burdens that coincide with her interest, something a Thief of Doom would certainly do.

Potentially the other team leader, maybe the only one who thinks this is an awful idea. Begrudgingly agrees.

Pearl: Seer of Space*, Land of Peaks and Frogs, FanKind, Slightly-Psychic Brown-Blood, Derse.

*Could have been either a Seer of Space or a Mage of Space, but Seer fit his behavior more.

Pearl’s horns are supposed to look like the antenna and tail of a Chatot, so the one behind his hair resembles a music note (see Chatot for reference) while the other one just has a ball on it. I think I’ve seen his horns drawn like this before by other artists, so I don’t think this is the most original decision, but I still really like it. His symbol is a Circle/Pearl.

One of the most important parts of a Seer is their ability to observe. This is why it was so hard to me to pick between Black and Pearl when it came to choosing a Seer. However, because I wanted Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum to be Time, Space, and Void no matter what, Pearl got the honor. A Seer of Space observes Space and exists in the present moment. They may also oversee or take charge and are creative types.

Pearl’s weapon is FanKind because he picked it when he was young and practiced in the art of fan-to-fan compensate.

Diamond: Heir of Time*, Land of Fruit and Geysers, LadleKind, Non-Psychic Cobalt-Blood, Prospit.

*I originally listed him as a Page of Time, but changed it after giving Wally the role of Page. Either works for him.

Dia’s horns are supposed to look non-threatening, so they are wide and not very sharp. They’re kinda Munchlax-esque. His symbol is a Diamond.

When picking between Heir and Page, I went with Heir because Wally took Page Diamond has a sense of time from the beginning. Heirs become their aspect in one way or another, hence why they’re called ‘Heirs,’ and Diamond has such a grasp on his flow of time (not to mention his major-legendary equivalent being Diamond), that I see this working. If he were a Page, which would also have been good, it’d mirror his rise against Pearl is the DP chapter.

Diamond makes food puns constantly in chat and there is no way of stopping him.

Platinum: Sylph of Void*, Land of Snow and Tomes, UmbrellaKind, Non-Psychic Violet-Blood, Derse.

*To be honest, a lot of the female-based classes in the Void aspect fit her character, except Witch.

Platz horns should look like the faceplate of an Empoleon. Same situation as Pearl, I think I’ve seen this done elsewhere my multiple artists. Her symbol is the Berlitz family sigil.

Void is nothingness. Pretty much any class enacting Void is lacking something, since Void is the lack of anything. As a Sylph of Void, one could create Void because Sylph is a creative class, and Platinum does this in a social sense by ignoring the claims of other people and acting as though they never happened. In terms of her behavior in early chapters of the DP chapter, she also acts as though she isn’t supposed to emote.

She will never admit she is friends with a lowblood.

(Top: Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald Bottom: Black, White, Wally)

Ruby: Prince of Light, Land of Mirrors and Silk, NeedleKind, Non-Psychic Rust-Blood, Derse.

I exaggerated Ruby’s scar a bit for this. The horn on the side of his face with the scar is broken, but both of his horns used to be symmetrical. They’re supposed to look like the antennae of a Milotic. His symbol is the pattern on Groudon’s arm.

A Prince of Light would destroy knowledge, which, at first, sounds very out of a character for Ruby. But knowledge doesn’t only apply to books and science. Instead, is refers to anything known. Considering how Ruby acts at the end of the RS chapter, throughout the Emerald chapter, and again in the ORAS chapter, where is constantly pretends as though the confession never happened and lies about a variety of things, actively destroying what people know, I think this is the most fitting God Tier I’ve provided. Ruby is also a character I can definitely imagine playing the role of minor-villain at some point.

He’s super salty about not only being the lowest of bloods, but not having any psychic powers to compensate.

Sapphire: Witch of Rage*, Land of Thorns and Thunderstorms, ClawKind, Non-Psychic Indigo-Blood, Prospit.

*Would rather have Maid of Rage, but White fit the Maid role better for multiple other aspects. Witch was all that was left.

Sapph’s horns resemble Gamzee’s, but are thicker and less curvy. They’re just supposed to look wild and are not based on anything. Her symbol is the pattern on Kyogre’s flipper.

As much as Maid of Rage fit, I had to give her Witch of Rage, which, in actuality, would probably belong to an incredibly unstable person. Witch’s have completely control to manipulate their aspect while also fully embodying that aspect, and when that aspect is Rage, chances are that person isn’t to in a safe psychological place. Maids, on the other hand, start by relying on other people for their aspect and where to enact it before learning on their own to use it as they please. Sapphire would have gone through this change twice: once when she was younger and changed when Ruby was hurt and she realize she couldn’t that girly anymore, directing her Rage towards her younger self and/or people like that, and again when she changes in the RS chapter and compromises.

Sapphire leaves animal pelts at Ruby’s doorstep to make stuff out of. She brings most of the meat to Dia and feeds the rest of it to her eggbeast lusus.

Emerald: Bard of Mind*, Land of Dunes and Towers, PistolKind, Non-Psychic Olive-Blood, Derse.

*Couldn’t for the life of me figure out what this kid was. Rald

I used his current design because I couldn’t draw his croissant-hair. You’ve probably already guessed it, but his horns are based on his eyebrows. His symbol is the pattern on the head of Rayquaza.

Again, same as Silver, I’m not going to explain it. But for Rald, I just don’t have anything else to say. I’ll put it simply: I don’t think Rald is a destructive player (in fact, he might be a manipulative player), but I’m out of stuff and I’m stumped.

Immediately joined Crystal’s team without a second thought and before knowing what the heck they were doing.

Black: Mage of Hope*, Land of Kaleidoscopes and Skyscrapers, RockKind, Powerful-Psychic Brown-Blood, Prospit.

*Seer of Hope was also an option, but it is taken by Pearl. They both make great Seers.

Hexagon. Everything about Black is based on hexagons here. Horns and Symbol. Put his horns together and you get a hexagon.

Mages fully experience their aspect at some point. Admittedly, a Mage of Hope would be naive and maybe a bit too hopeful, but Hope is definitely something Black has a lot of, even up until the end (y’knoow, up until he became a rock). A Mage of Hope would be dedicated to making it to their goal because they would genuinely believe that they’d get there, a la Black when he wants to become a pokemon master.

Sees the world in hexagons a lot like he does with Musha on his head.

White: Maid of Heart*, Land of Roots and Carnivals, WhipKind, Non-Psychic Cobalt-Blood, Derse.

*I also really liked Maid of Hope for her.

Y’know White’s hair-antennae? They’re her horns now. They’re close together and bend back over hear head, not outward. I didn’t know what Symbol to give her, so I just made it a box.

Heart and Blood are very similar in that they’re both about relationships, but Heart is more about the impact of those relationships. A Maid of Heart starts by relying on someone else for their relationships and enjoyment, but would eventually come to do it on their own. If anything, regardless of aspect, White is definitely a Maid.

Had Black sign a contract that ensured he would join the same team that she was on.

Wally: Page of Life, Land of Pumps and Corridors, PumpKind, Non-Psychic Teal-Blood, Prospit.

Wally’s horns are tiny because I felt someone like wally wouldn’t have especially large or threatening horns. His Symbol is the pattern on the face of a Kecleon.

Wally was hard, but I eventually settled on Page of Life. Pages and Maids are very similar in my eyes, because they are both classes based around personal growth. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that Pages were the male equivalent to the female Maid. A Page of Life would lack Life in the beginning, which would manifest itself in physical or emotional health. As a Page, he’d grow in health, perhaps to the point of overdoing it. I think this God Tier mirrors his subplot pretty well.

Blindly follows Ruby around where ever he goes.

(Red, Yellow, Blue, Green)

Red: Heir of Blood, Land of Rivers and Lightning, BallKind, Prospit, Consort: Bulbasaur.

I FORGOT HOW TO DRAW RED’S HAIR! His Icon is a Pokeball.

Heirs have a need for their aspect, and one thing Red really enjoys is his pokemon and having a group friends, and even protecting people/showing off to neighborhood kids. As an Heir of Blood, Red would need to embody the Blood aspect and pretty much be the connecting force between the other characters. I picked this because he essentially started the series and, as the first character, I interpret him as the driving for keeping older characters together. Heirs also have a natural talent for their aspect, and I think the term ‘natural talent‘ in general is a decent description of Red. Plus, he’s really good at making friends.

Yellow: Sylph of Life, Land of Keys and Ink, RodKind, Prospit, Consort: Can a Snake be a Consort? ‘Cause I’m thinking Ekans.

Her Icon is a Lightning Bold (Also could have done a feather.)

I mean, come on. Like I said before, Sylphs are a creative class and Life is synonymous with health, and, therefore, a Sylph of Life creates health. Naturally, Yellow would be the teams healer. She could probably bring things back to life or give like to inanimate things by creating Life itself.

Blue: Thief of Space, Land of Coins and Frogs, CrowbarKind, Derse, Consort: Squirtle.

(Oops, she looks like an axolotl) Her Icon is a Mask.

A Thief of Space would steal Space for their own benefit. Blue would probably use this by stealing size from one object and applying it to herself or transferring size between things, switching the location of herself and something else or the locations of two items. It’s be great for stealing from other people.

Green: Prince of Time, Land of Fog and Beats, FistKind, Derse, Consort: Charmander.

His Icon isn’t a pomegranate seed, it’s supposed to look like his pendant, but I can understand the confusion.

Prince is a destructive class, so Green would be destroying with Time. As a result, a Prince of Time would be impatient and easily annoyed and unable to cope with the passage of time. Some of these aspects match Green at an early age. As we known, baby Green had a lot of trouble with patience. They’d be stubborn and have trouble listening to others. This pairs well with early-Green. Current-Green is a lot calmer and smarter that he used to be.

If I didn’t feel the need to have one of each, the cast would look like this (In the same order as all of the above):

Knight of Blood, Prince of Blood, Thief of Doom, Seer of Space, Page/Heir of Space, Sylph of Void, Prince of Light, Maid of Rage, (Whatever Emerald would be), Seer/Mage of Hope, Maid of Hope, Page of Life. (Minus the Humans)

#thank you nonny #pokespe #pokespe au #specialstuck #au #homestuck au

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thisdiscontentedwinter · 7 years

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the fantasy/reality debacle always boggles me on two levels. first the fact that -especially antis - confuse that "fiction affects our feelings" (=we take in and feel things) with... "we have no reality judgment"... that's psychosis. like yes i'm sad, i don't arrange the funeral, it's not real. kids can discern reality and fiction as soon as 5yo. the other is the paternalistic borderline-bookburner mentality bc they know /exactly/ what it affects, with no stats. it's the videogame violence bs.

(2/2) and the dangerous thing about that is that since they’re engaging in that discourse for self-indulgent, self-righteous reasons, they dont validate the knowledge. it’s like the puritan christians who want to ban all hardcore pornography when experts who’ve been studying it for half a century report the opposite effect, that sexual freedom works against rape culture, because ultimately violence is about violence and not sexuality. so it shows their concern is control - and it’s not new.

Exactly! Fiction affects and shapes my reality in that if I watch a sad movie, I cry. If it’s a movie that is about a social issue, I might be moved to investigate that social issue more, and to take action. But when the main character heroically dies in the last frame, I know that despite the emotions I feel, the event itself isn’t real. As you say, I don’t get ready to plan a funeral. If I did, that would be a form of mental illness. If I feel emotions from fiction or art it’s because of the human experience, because of memory, and empathy, and a thousand things more nuanced and complicated than “She crying. She not know it fake.”

The tone policing is also a form of gatekeeping that the fandom community doesn’t need. It’s a solution for a problem that doesn’t exist - much like anti-trans* bathroom laws. And time and time again we see things like this couched in the same coded language: they’re concerned, they’re trying to protect the children, they’re watching over the vulnerable.

Things like this are always started off by self-appointed arbiters of morality telling us how worried they are. And at some point, without anyone there to actually push back against the massive concern-trolling circle jerk, sooner or later it ends with them finding a way to silence the people who disagree with them. In fandom’s case you might get called anti-feminist, or an abuse apologist, or perhaps a wannabe rapist, or (for shipping certain ships) a paedophile.

But oh no no no, they’re not telling you what you can and can’t read, They make sure you know that. They’re just trying to make you out to be the scum of the earth for reading what you want to read.

But it’s because they’re concerned for you, okay? They care about you.

So don’t worry if I ban this book, sweetie, or throw this one on the bonfire. It’s for your own good, I promise.

And what is most ridiculous about this is that the tone policing really does seem to be a fandom thing. It’s all very juvenile and self-righteous, and it’s so very, very loud in this Tumblr echo chamber here. But let me tell you, I have written some shit for publication that you could basically describe as psychological thriller meets torture porn, and I never got a single damn email accusing me of supporting the things that I wrote about. Not even when one of the stories was written from the point of view of the villain. And why is that? Because step away from fandom, from Tumblr, from the concern-trolling circle jerk, and you’ll discover that most people out there are fully capable of understanding that:

1. A writer who writes about an awful blood-filled scenario is not actually suggesting it’s a fun way to spend a weekend; and,

2. Reading about an awful blood-filled scenario does not make them an accessory to a crime. Because no persons were harmed in the making of that story.

Again, for the people up the back: this constant tone-policing and concern trolling is a solution for a problem that doesn’t exist. And as @nederys says, it’s not about concern, it’s about control.

Are you hurting anyone by reading what you read and writing what you write? If the answer is no, then please, carry on. Don’t let anyone tell you what fiction you can and can’t enjoy.

#fandom discourse

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longtruce · 5 years

Text

here’re the notes i was telling you about

i’m not gonna post an explanation or anything right now bc i think i’m in the angry phase of a breakup and i don’t wanna be a dick bc i still do like you and miss you and care about you.

e l i a n o r

3/22/19 2:48am

i’m still awake. it’s been just over three hours since we started officially dating. i’m still so happy about it. as you will know by the time you read this, whenever that may be, i write my thoughts in my notes a lot when i’m feeling an excess of any emotion. right now it’s happiness and excitement. eli, i’m so fucking hype to treat you better than you ever have been and better than you can even imagine, though i can promise you i won’t treat you better than you deserve because you deserve absolutely everything amazing in this world and, unfortunately, i can’t give you all of that... but i’ll try anyway. so many projects have popped up in my head and i can’t wait to work on them and show you them. i hope you like them even half as much as i like you.

3/25/19 3:38pm

i didn’t think you could be more amazing than i already thought you were but you’ve since proved me wrong... i managed to get a concussion within the first two days we were dating and you have taken care of me so much. you came over to stay with me in my dorm right when i got back so that i wouldn’t be alone. you let me sleepover that night since my roommate was sleeping elsewhere. you took me to a play yesterday as a date and then let me come over last night. you didn’t mind that we couldn’t watch TV because of my concussion. you turned off the lamp and lit a few candles so my head wouldn’t hurt as much. we just laid there and cuddled, occasionally talking about everything and nothing. you mean so much to me already, and i don’t know how it happened but i kinda like it. thank you.

3/30/19 9:14am

you said that i’m so good at stuff you keep forgetting that i’m new at this... the perfect ego boost. in all seriousness though, thank you. you’re so patient with me. you don’t get annoyed or upset by the fact that i’m scared and don’t know what i’m doing, you reassure me that it’s okay. you didn’t get scared away when i showed you my scars, you stayed. you care. it means the world eli.

4/15/19 11:53pm

i guess i am like a puppy. think about it like this. i’m one of those puppies that has boundless energy, the one that’s always bouncing off the walls and trying to make you play with her and always tugs at the leash on walks because she wants to meet people. the thing is, though, there’s almost always an exception to those puppies, at least in my experience. there’s always one person that causes a little switch in them, one person who they’re excited to see and follow them around dutifully. there’s one person that they’ll calm down around, instead of trying to play they’ll lay on the person’s lap to get affection just because they love the person’s presence. my guess is that, if i’m a puppy, you’re that exception.

5/2/19 12:40am

i really like you. i know you know that already but i don’t think you understand. my eyes soften every time i see you. i can’t help but to smile whenever you’re talking to me. feeling your hand in mine slows my heart rate. cuddling with you makes the world go quiet. kissing you causes me to melt. i like that i can see a future with you el. a beautiful one. you’re the only person who can see me. you notice all of these stupid little quirks and tendencies and you make sure to remember what they mean. you actually care about me and it’s insane. i like how you’re randomly ticklish in the weirdest places... and the tickle spots move every day. i like how you tease me back. i like how you challenge me. i like how you’re determined to get everything you can out of this life. i like the way you talk about traveling and your friends. i like your stupid jokes. i like how thoughtful you are. like fuck, you remember that mercy/gatekeeper has a part in it that triggers me because it sounds exactly like the voices in my head when i’m having a bad OCD episode so you always try to skip the song when it comes on, and you remember that my stomach does that little flex thing whenever something on the screen triggers my intrusive thoughts so you cover my eyes or skip ahead. i don’t think i’ve ever met anyone as thoughtful as you. i like that you do an extreme amount of research for every app you download, every single thing you want to buy online. i like how excited you are to try new things. i like how passionate you are about reading and knowledge. i like those little brown flecks in your eyes. i like the shape of your lips, even if i don’t know how to describe them. i like how you put your hair up right after you get out of the shower. i like how you’ll brush your teeth in bed when i’m over because you want to be around me. i like how encompassed you get when you’re playing assassin’s creed or whatever that game is. i like how you attempt to dance to music even when i’m holding you. i like how you work hard in anything you do, whether that’s VBC or your new garden. i like the feeling i get whenever i’m with you.... content.... which is something i rarely feel. when i’m with you, all of my problems become small. i like how you make me want to be better. i just really like you, okay?

5/9/19 10:25pm

i miss you. like, a lot. i miss our every night routine. i miss sassing you and being jokingly offended or angry when you sass me back. i miss you telling me to eat food. i miss you being so into your video games. i miss you telling me all about the places you’ve been and about your favorite authors. i miss your cuddles and your kisses. i really fucking miss you, okay?

5/13/19 12:33am

i ordered the flowers a few days ago. they should arrive on the 21st, if all goes according to the plan. i told you i had one, babe. i’m not gonna let the summer tear us apart if i can help it. this summer i’ve decided to send you something for each month-anniversary of our relationship that i’m not with you on. so basically may, june and july 21st you will receive something. my original plan was just flowers each time but now that i’m thinking about it i might branch out and do other mini presents. who knows? the point is, i told you in the beginning of this note that i was excited to treat you better than you ever have been before and i’m doing my damn best to keep that promise because you deserve it. even if we end up only being temporary, i wanna make this the best temporary thing you’ve ever had.

5/21/19 10:04pm

i’m driving down to visit you in a couple days. i’m so excited. i can’t wait to cuddle with you and tickle you and hold your hand and kiss you and just be with you. i miss it so much. i miss you so much. distance has never been a strong suit of mine. physical touch is too important of a love language to me, so i’ve never bothered to try. every time i like someone who likes me back that i won’t be around for months on end, i just end it. i don’t even bother to try distance. but with you, i took that chance. and i don’t regret it. but i also don’t want to have to go months without seeing you. the drive is easily worth it.

#fuckthisiammakingthistagformyfuturegirlfriend

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