#be better off than with an emotionally broken seventeen year old who works at least 28 days a month and has no idea how to raise a child

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hii 📓

Okay so the thing is that I wanted a “the Zenin raised Megumi instead of Gojo” fic but the thing is that I’m absolutely convinced that if the Zenin were the ones that took Megumi they wouldn’t actually take tsumiki too. The fandom consensus I’ve personally seen has been that she would have been taken and mistreated by zenin for being a female non sorcerer but I personally think they would have just straight up left her behind.

They only bought Megumi. They keep non sorcerers and women as servants in their compound but all of them are Zenin themselves. Tsumiki isn’t related and I couldn’t really see any reason why they’d want her. Which turned this into a fic where Tsumiki loses her brother, but she’s trying to find him again, she swears. I think of it as my “siblings doomed by the narrative desperately try to write a new one where they can be together” fic.

The thing is that Tsumikis mom was one of those people who thought love and consumption were synonymous. She had a habit of getting caught up with assholes and just… having both of them chew on each other for a while until it turns into this horrible fucking bloodbath.

Tojis just another loser her mom got caught up in, but he’s Tsumiki’s favorite out of all the losers, because he gave her her brother. Her mom marries this random guy she barley knows and Tsumikis pretty sure she does it so they can both ditch their kids twice as much, secure in the knowledge that there’s supposedly another person checking in. It works out great for them, because they both stop coming entirely. It’s fine, because Tsumiki has Megumi and Megumi has Tsumiki and they don’t need anything else.

It’s one of those things where they were in really unhealthy circumstances and it made their relationship a little bit unhealthy but not necessarily bad. They both had to grow up way too fast and deal with way too much too soon and become codependent on each other because they are, in the most literal way possible, dependent on one another. Neither of them know how to love in a way that doesn’t involve sacrificing themselves for their sibling, mostly because they don’t have a way that doesn’t involve that.

They’re in a sinking ship and tsumiki knows it. Their parents aren’t coming back. The money is going to run out sooner or later. Their problems are stacking up.

Megumi has confessed to her that he sees things that no one else does. When she asks him how he knows no one else sees them, he explains that they’d say something if they did and won’t say anything else. And she doesn’t know what to believe but she refuses to call him crazy. He tells her that monsters cling to her back and he fights them off for her. She patches up his bruises and cuts and tells him he’s brave and tries to figure out if she’s just imagining that her back feels lighter after. He tells her that there are dogs that only he can see that have started following him around, and she tells him she believes him and can never remember, later, if she meant it or was just saying it.

The last time Toji came by, he left them more money than tsumikis ever seen in her life, took them to ice cream, told them that he was sorry he was so shit at this and that the money was Megumi’s share in a payment. It was for something he was going to help daddy with later. Tsumiki and him were to use it to take care of themselves and be healthy, because Megumi couldn’t help him later if he wasn’t. And tsumiki was always afraid of what he meant by that, but in the end, she let it slip her mind. After all, Toji hadn’t been by in ages. He probably wouldn’t come by at all.

And he didn’t. But others did. Two men she’s never met before are waiting outside their building one day, and when they see Megumi, they laugh. But the thing that Tsumiki can never get out of her mind later is that she swears they weren’t looking at Megumi directly. They were looking at his dogs.

Tsumiki basically tries to get Megumi and powerwalk past them, but they’re a lot bigger and a lot stronger and there’s nothing she can do, really. They have a brief conversation about whether they should take her too, before one decides that Toji only sold him his kid and to leave the other behind. This makes both of them try to run, but there’s nothing either of them can do to overpower the men, and the men say that “Naobito would go ballistic if they left the ten shadows behind” so they take Megumi and leave her.

They put Megumi in a car and shove Tsumiki to the curb outside of it, and she tried to hold onto his hand, she swears. She grabbed at the car door even when the car started moving, and she banged on the windows, and she watched as Megumi kicked and punched and screamed inside, until one of them hit him and he went still. She ends up falling and hitting her head when the car picks up speed, and when she wakes up again, the cars gone and she has no idea where it went.

And it becomes a foundational moment for who she is. I think she was just intensely lonely before Megumi and poured a lot of herself into this idea of a family together. Tsumikis never able to shake the moment of her being outside the car and Megumi being on the inside, and not being able to get into him. She can never again get what she felt in that moment out of her head.

She goes to the police and tells them that it’s her little brother, his dad sold him but she wants him back, and they’re like “…”. The issue is that apparently her mom can pick up the damn phone if the police call and she shows up, spins some lie about how her and the stepdad split up and he took the kid with him, they never adopted each others kids so it was within his rights, Tsumiki was taking the separation hard and acting out. She lies, basically, because toji hadn’t kept up his end of the deal and dropped in to check in (neither had she) and his kid wasn’t her responsibility, he could do what he wanted with him. She doesn’t want the police poking around the way she lives. Just let the kid go because he’s probably dead and not her real brother anyway.

Tsumiki refuses to give up on him. They were both kids who no one cared about but they cared about each other and that had to be enough. But she’s seven with no support and zero idea on how to find him. She starts skipping school to look for him in random streets, puts up flyers, can’t go outside without looking for him. She gets held back a year in school because of how much she skips and she can’t bring herself to care. She buys him gifts on every birthday and writes him letters she can’t post because she’s going to find her brother and she’s going to prove to him that she never once stopped looking for him. She just. She needs him to know that she never stopped looking for him. She needs to find him and be able to honestly tell him she never stopped trying.

One day her mom comes back in clothes she can’t afford and comes with movers they shouldn’t be able to afford and announces a move they definitely can’t afford. Tsumikis absolutely opposed to going because if her brother comes to look for her, she needs to be in their old apartment so he can find her. She doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter. They have mysterious new benefactors who are setting up a trust to take care of tsumiki with a very generous stipend for her mom but they have to move to Sendai as a stipulation of getting the money.

It’s not until the attorney who’s managing her trust hands her a set of glittery blue butterfly hairpins that tsumiki realizes her mom sold her brother a second time.

The thing is that tsumiki had this one cheap set of butterfly hairpins she’d always stopped to look at in the store when she took Megumi to go grocery shopping. Shed never buy them, because they couldn’t afford it, but it was the thing she wanted most openly in front of him. She was always secretly really insecure about her hair, because they were the kind of poor where bar soap was a luxury they could only sometimes afford and kids at school made fun of how her hair was dirty and frayed. Megumi was the only one who ever saw how badly she wanted those stupid hair clips. If they had to give her a set of butterfly hair clips, it’s because he demanded that they did.

It’s basically implied that the Zenin are the ones paying for her care and upkeep due to an unspecified deal they cut with Megumi, but when they approached her mom with it, they added the caveat that Tsumiki had to be moved to a new city entirely and there could be no forwarding address left anywhere.

The zenins stance on tsumiki is, effectively, that she’s a weakness Megumi needs to be weaned off of. They honestly assumed he’d just like, forget she ever existed and he. Did not do that. He actually pitched a total bitch fit. Tried to scale the compound walls. Bit multiple people including the clan leader. But he’s got the ten shadows, he’s heir to the clan, and he can’t be caught up on some random non sorcerer who isn’t even a Zenin. They end up agreeing to pay for her to live very comfortably if he starts cooperating more but they want to make sure that he can’t ever find her again if he does ever succeed in running away.

Tsumiki is at once full of hope and hopeless, because on one hand, the butterfly clips prove that Megumi still loves her and remembers her, at least in her mind. But at the same time, she’s being moved to Sendai and doesn’t know how they’ll ever find each other again. She doesn’t honestly know if they’d recognize each other if they saw each other again. She wears the butterfly clips every day, even when she gets too old for the style, because she’s more confident about her brother recognizing them than her.

The thing about tsumiki is that she doesn’t understand hate. She just doesn’t. Her mom and toji always got caught up in these perceived slights and revenge and never once let go of the past. They’d destroy themselves if it meant taking down the people they hated with them. She never wanted that. She wanted to live with the people she loved and she’d happily turn around and forget everything, all the pain, all the searching, if it just meant she could go back to being megumis sister.

This isn’t about hate. This is about that moment outside the car, where her brother was inside and she couldn’t get in to him. This is about how helpless and small she felt when they shoved her to the curb and ripped megumis hand out of hers. She needs to make sure that when she finds Megumi, she can take him home again. So she decides she needs to learn how to fight.

Itadori Yuuji has the constitution of an ox and the strength to match it, and he is known for getting in fights with bullies and trouncing them so thoroughly that it’s never a question of who wins when the fight starts. He’s insanely physically capable and can hold his own in a fight with ease. He’s also nice and kind and Tsumiki’s comfortable enough asking him to teach her how to throw a punch or two.

She is bad at it.

So fucking bad at it.

But she never gives up, and Itadori is nice enough to keep teaching her despite how embarrassingly horrible she is at it all. He always asks her why she wants to learn so bad, she doesn’t seem to like it all, and she never answers his question honestly.

In their last year of middle school, their class has a trip to Kyoto. She, Itadori, and the rest of their group walk into some random restaurant in the city and have barely sat down when someone comes inside, starts searching every booth in the restaurant while shouting Tsumikis name.

And oh. They could recognize each other after all.

She looked for Megumi in every crowd she was ever in, but she didn’t consider that he was doing the same. Or that he would see her first.

Her brother grew up without her seeing it. Hes older, dressed in strange, expensive clothes, has a slightly bruised up face and split lip, but his eyes are the same, and he looks like the brother she remembered.

But a lot more nervous than Megumi ever was. He was a tiny, stoic child who didn’t take any shit and never showed fear, even when there were monsters that only he could see. But he’s nervous when he tells her that she probably doesn’t recognize him or remember him, but when she was a lot younger, he—

Megumi. He’s her little brother. Of course she remembers him. She’s been looking for him everywhere.

Megumi didn’t smile much as a child, but he smiles at her then. He tells her he doesn’t have a lot of time and she tells him that they can leave out the back, and he never let her hold his hand as a child but he takes her hand so easily in that second. And just for a second, she’s his sister again, and it’s everything she wanted.

They never make it out the back.

Two men come in. Megumi calls one of them uncle, and he goes stiff and flat the second he sees him. His uncle apologizes for his nephew, tells everyone that he always makes scenes when they’re out in public, tells him to apologize to the nice people and leave. Megumi was mistaken.

Tsumiki tríes to keep ahold of his hand. Really, she does. She tries to tell people to call the police. But megumis “uncle” steps towards her and Megumi slams him into a table, and then suddenly Megumi’s the one insisting that they leave immediately. They can go. It’s fine. They’re leaving. She loses ahold of his hand.

She tries to follow, but the other man restrains her. She learns that she’s better at slamming plates into peoples heads than she is at punching, and at this point itadoris Friend In Danger Override has been triggered and he fucking tackles the dude, which gives tsumiki the clearing that she needs to chase outside after her brother. She gets out just in time to see him be pushed into a car, and she’s had years to think about the last time this happened and figure out what to do differently. She throws herself in front of the car and refuses to move.

See her entire stance is that she’ll sooner get run over and killed in the street than let them do this a second time, but she also can see Megumi trying to fucking punch the drivers head in from behind because he’s about to hit his sister. His uncles trying to restrain him, and just for a second, she sees his hands make the shape of the shadow puppets he used to show her as children. Something invisible slams her out of the way just as his uncle knocks him out.

She picks up a rock and tries to smash in the fucking window with it, and itadori has to pull her out of the way to keep her from getting her feet run over when the car finally tears out of the parking lot. She goes ballistic on him for stopping her because her brother was right there and she lost him again and she didn’t even get the license plate. He was right there.

The police basically do jack all again. There’s no license plate, no names they can follow up on, and they’re still half convinced this is a settled custody issue even though tsumiki insists her brother was sold by his dad and is very plainly getting hurt wherever he is. Itadori is now a devoted advocate of finding tsumikis brother and reuniting them, and both basically kind of end up becoming really close to the other? He’s taking care of himself and his grandpa alone, she’s alone while her moms awol again, and they both become the others support system.

At one point, there’s this random girl and boy who doesn’t speak who shows up to their school for indeterminate reasons. The girl is bored and twirling her glasses in one hand while the person in a suit that they’re with asks the principal questions, and when tsumikis eyes catch at the right angle, she sees an invisible monster clinging to a classmates back through them. She realizes it’s exactly what Megumi always talked about and still remembers that the people who took him could see his dogs. She corners the two others in a room and tries to demand information about the invisible monsters or see if they know her brother or the people who took him, and immediately gets blown off. The fight escalates until the girl tells him that actually, yeah. She knows tsumikis brother. He is a very special person to some very powerful people, and the only way she can ever help him is to tell him that she’s let go of him and that he needs to do the same to her. That’s the only message that the people who have him would ever let get through, and his life would get a lot better as soon as he got it.

The people who have him would give him anything in the world, except for her. He could be a lot happier and healthier than he is right now if he just agreed to stop trying to find tsumiki. If she really wants to help her brother, then she needs to let him go.

Tsumiki nails her in the back of the head with a milk carton when she tries to walk away. It sloshes out on her. Tsumiki did not intend this. She cannot admit that fact. There are some actions you just have to own when you do them. She tells the girl that he’s her brother and she’s never letting go of him. She’s going to find him. They can’t keep him from her forever. She doesn’t care how long it takes her.

For a second, tsumiki really thinks this girl is going to kick her ass, but she doesn’t. She wishes her luck and tells her she’ll need it, and it’s only later that tsumiki realizes she slipped the eyeglasses into her pocket.

And as it turns out, her brothers monsters were real all along.

There was a knife that toji left in the frame of his bed. Tsumiki confiscated it from Megumi as soon as he found it, and it was odd and strange and gave her bad feelings when she held it, and it can kill the things that gather on her back. When she follows Itadori to their local high school and joins the occult club in an attempt to find more people involved in this world of invisible monsters, she wears the eyeglasses and keeps the knife hidden in her bag.

It comes in handy when her senpais are trying to open this thing and suddenly there’s like a fucking portal opening and Actually Let’s Not Oh Too Late Let’s Run Let’s Fucking Run.

They run.

Meanwhile at the hospital Megumi found out in very quick succession that his sister has fucking sukunas finger and also that there’s a very over enthusiastic himbo who is the self appointed vice president of the Find Fushiguro Megumi And Bring Him Home Club who absolutely fucking refuses to leave his side. Sorry who are you. Why are you so enthusiastic about finding him. Megumi sort of was the one doing the finding there was a whole tracking situation and him waiting dramatically in the shadows like they just did it.

Anyway they run very very quickly to tsumikis school where she is dodging she is serpentining this is a fuckton of monsters oh holy fuck is that her brother?

The fight goes bad.

Tsumiki manages to follow itadori and her brother out at a much slower pace because she’s not a freak of nature like itadori and shows up just in time to see her brother shouting at itadori to not eat the fucking finger while itadori is absolutely trying to eat the fucking finger.

She chucks her shoe at him. The finger goes flying.

Then the monster eats it instead.

Tsumiki: :o

Yuuji: :o

Megumi: fuck

Now there’s a bigger monster and the fight goes even worse. There’s a lot of shouting. Itadori ends up with her knife. Then he ends up getting eaten and they’re down both a knife and itadori, who’s probably fucking dead. Then megumis insisting she run and she’s insisting he shut the fuck up because it’s sort of taken a decade to get this close to him again and she’s not fumbling the bag now because of a monster on the rampage. Have a sense of fucking priorities here.

Then itadori bursts out of the monsters stomach with the knife like the fucking Kool Aid Man and the fight is suddenly very over. Good job, team.

Gojo rolls up to his most stoic and eternally pissed off student having a dramatic and emotional reunion with his sister.

Yuuji, in a very bad whisper: no no so like she’s been looking for him for years but he saw her in the restaurant

Gojo: :o go on

Yuuji: and then he got caught by like, I don’t know, he said he was his uncle or something but the dude acted so weird and creepy and they put him in a car and Tsumiki tried to stop the car but they got away

Gojo: *gasp* what no

Yuuji: I know! Anyway then I start helping her look for him but we can’t find him anywhere until I’m at the hospital and he just walks up to me right?? And I’m like “dude I have been looking everywhere for you” and he’s like “I have no idea who you are, I’m here about that fucked up demon finger” and I’m like—

Megumi, really trying to have a moment here: we can both hear you

And megumis like “this is uh. My new teacher. I guess. I am his only student. And he is uh. Enthusiastic. Do not linger in conversation with him.”

Tsumiki is lingering. She needs fucking intel so he can’t disappear again. Where does he go to school and can she transfer there. It’s fucking wizard school? Will they take her even though she’s not a wizard? She cannot emphasize enough that she will study any fucking subject they want so that way she can be close with her brother again she does not care if it’s applicable to her education or life. She can throw things at people itadori tell the man tell him how enthusiastically she will throw things at monsters for their weird fucking wizard school.

Itadori: she hit me in the face with her shoe like five minutes ago

Tsumiki: see???

Megumi keeps trying to forbid her from wizard school but she’s technically the older sister so she has override rights. She will go to wizard school. How does she get wizard school to accept her.

And Gojos just really weird and off and keeps looking at Megumi and saying that he “didn’t know he had a sister.”

He really didn’t know that Megumi had a sister he wanted to stay with.

And then suddenly it’s like a switch is flipped and he’s back to his normal self telling them to leave everything to him, because he’ll make sure tsumiki can come back with them. And uh? Itadori? Weirdly physically capable kid who will apparently eat anything? Is he going to be good getting home after all this?

Itadori: actually if it’s not too much trouble can I go to wizard school too my grandpa sort of died half an hour ago and I don’t have plans for the rest of my life. Tsumikis kind of my best friend and I’d like to make sure she’s all good at wizard school. I’m a really good fighter and I stabbed the last monster so like can I come too because you know. Dead grandpa. No family or future to speak of. Haha.

Gojo:

Megumi:

Tsumiki, softly: dude

There’s more after they make it to jujutsu high but this is already really long so we leave it here

[malereader-inserts]

The Cold Within Me

Fandom: Twilight Pairing: Cullen Family & Male!Reader Summary: What’s it like being alone - it’s the feeling of warmth disappearing and accepting the cold. Word Count: 3663 Request: “Cullen family angst? Or some type of family angst?” Warnings: Triggers:  Undertones of depression and anxiety. Mentions of nightmares, dead parents and abusive nature. Injury and blood A/n: injury stated in this is probably over the top but hey it’s a fanfic we can just bend the rules just a bit 

“They left me.”

You softly hummed as you open the door wider for Bella to come into the house. You were asleep, catching up on the lost time for studying or doing small errands for the family, and when you woke up they seemingly had disappeared without a note to explain where they went.

You figured if you went to school you would see them, you didn’t.

You figured if you come back home, you’d see them as if nothing had changed. 

You were alone.

“Edward broke up with me,” She explained, softly smiling at you as you were the only human who could relate to her, she felt sorry for you being alone - whilst she was heartbroken from Edward breaking up with her, she felt ten times worse for you.

“What did he say?”

“He’s been torn since the Jasper incident at my birthday,” Bella spoke as the pair of you sat down on the empty sofa that still held the warmth of the vampires, “He left to keep me - us - safe.”

“Oh.”

The silence almost became overbearing, she looked at you before pulling you into a hug, you sigh before sinking in and accepting the hug. Bella wasn’t a touchy person, but you both needed it.

Pulling from the hug, you sat there awkwardly before Bella announced she was leaving. Shutting the door behind her, you spun on your heels and leaned against the door.

Life was how it was like again.

Cold, alone and terrified.

Esme and Carlisle found a little boy, terrified for his life. He was no more than a nine-year-old, looks like he was a little malnourished and injured. Carlisle’s doctor mode almost set in as Esme wanted to hold the child and hug him.

“Sweetie?” She spoke calmly almost soothingly.

The little boy looked at her, hands were shaking as his blue lips made Carlisle cringe - how long has the little boy been braving the cold?

The pair knelt down to the young boy's height, after slowly approaching him so he wasn’t startled.

“Uncle is dead!” The little boy cried, his eyes watering as Esme slowly approached the young boy, and placing a gentle hand on him, “Will you keep me safe?”

The little boy had broken eyes, the vampires could tell that the boy was smart enough not to trust strangers but the eyes were the window of the soul, so could tell that this boy had undergone through something unspeakable.

“Yes sweetie, we will, I’m Esme and this is Carlisle, he’s a doctor - he can help you.”

The little boy flickered his eyes towards Carlisle and shuffled away from him, scared. Carlisle looked over to his wife as Esme looked at you, soothingly putting her ice-cold hand on your back. 

“He’s not going to hurt you, hun, he's trained to keep you safe.”

“Promise?” 

“Promise,” Esme responded but was confused when the little boy shook his head.

The boy pointed his bruised arm towards Carlisle, who chuckled lightly with a charming smile. The vampire softly spoke with a gentle tone, “I promise.”

The little boy nodded, allowing Carlisle to pick him up, the injured little fledging didn’t notice the radiating coldness as the two bring him back to the hospital. The little boy refused any treatment from any other doctor and always wanted Esme by their side. Carlisle and Esme finally got the small boy to sleep as police came through.

“(Y/n) (L/n),” Charlie Swan spoke, “Heard he was admitted here? Nine years of age, (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes.”

“Yes, found him off the roads by the woods.”

That was the day that Carlisle and Esme decided to adopt, they weren’t going to adopt a human never mind a child but hearing the horrors that the little boy went through they couldn’t let the boy go to an orphanage, god knows how they would treat this poor soul.

When you had woken up, they greeted you with loving arms as they told you that you were going home with them, to have a family.

You suddenly weren’t alone again and warmth have filled you up.

Lying in bed, awake as you stare at the ceiling. You remember the night you had arrived in your new home, patched up and terrified, but you were amazed at the big house and a band of teenagers greeting you at the door.

Sitting up in bed, running your hand down your face free from sweat and taking a deep breath, your thoughts were racing, but thinking of useless stuff that couldn’t allow Alice to predict your future.

Slipping out of the bed, you decided to treat yourself to water. Going down the stairs you missed the fond screaming of Jasper and Emmett trying to out-compete each other or the fragile keys of the piano.  You missed the rolling eyes of Rosalie as she smiles apologetically at the boys’ antics.

You missed the loving embrace of your mother or the soft pat on the back from your dad. You were surprised to find yourself longing for Jasper’s history lessons or Emmett’s terrible puns and jokes. Now the mansion was quiet, abnormal.

Sighing, you sit on the stairs with the glass of water by your side, imagine how you would sometimes watch Jasper and Alice gently sway to the music, looking at each other with stars in their eyes. You could imagine Alice and Edward playing each other on the chess board whilst Emmett complaining their round was boring.

The house may be warm but you never felt so cold, at least not as cold as the day Carlisle and Esme had met you.

School wasn’t the same anymore, there was no table with your family anymore and you didn’t want to sit by yourself, sometimes Bella would sit with you but often times you would find yourself skipping lunch. 

You would work yourself to death mostly, earphones in as you got your head down with work in front of you. But, no matter how hard you seem to be busy your grades were dropping.

You felt like you were suffocating and suddenly you just couldn’t breathe.

You were often greeted with nightmares or sleepless nights, meals that weren’t fuelling you up and you were back on medication. Headaches and migraines plagued your days, often leaving you in bed.

Often you would rather stay in bed, you couldn’t find the willpower to get ready. Whilst Bella was going through some stuff, you were suffering too. You lost your family, the ones you trusted, depended on and who cared for you all the same. The family who helped you bring you back to the fullest, but as you were getting better with yourself they just were gone.

Your grades declined as did your health, mentally and physically, soon to become emotionally and you were so stranded to do nothing.

You didn’t know what to do. 

Medications weren’t working, you were constantly on high alert with a racing mind but a tired body. The sleeping pills had refused to knock you out, you often wonder if they would work if you took ten all at once, the thought had washed away as your mind went back to Alice.

Was she looking after you? Predicting your future? Begging the family to come back?

You thought bitterly, who would want to come back to you? A worthless little human who dragged them down, risking them to exposure to the Volturi. 

You like taking a stroll around the forest, you sometimes hoped that you would run into a mountain lion or a bear, then your life wouldn’t be in your hands anymore. That was when you found that little high once again.

“You’re the human?” The shapeshifter looked at you from the other side of the treaty, “The Cullens left you?”

“Is that surprising?” You asked you had never met the shapeshifters but Rosalie often told stories of them.

“You look like you need some company and you’re human, so you’re not breaking any rules,” The shapeshifter looked sympathetic towards you, “I’m Sam Uley, the alpha of the tribe.”

“(Y/n) Cullen,” You introduced yourself, “I’m not jumping to your land.”

The male smiles at your light-hearted joke, “I figured much.”

You were eleven when you found out that the family that adopted you were a bunch of vampires, you had locked yourself in your room for a good few days that Esme was started to get concerned that you weren’t feeding yourself that she almost bulldozer the door to feed you herself.

They told you almost everything after you had calmed down. They explained each of their stories and the rules of the vampire life and the shapeshifters that lived on the next land. You were educated about everything by the time you had met Bella. 

The pack of shapeshifters were lovely, the welcoming wasn’t as warm but they soon were enjoying your company, at least more than Bella’s which has been said by Paul. Sam would invite you for their dinner, finding out that the Cullens had abandoned a seventeen-year-old boy at home for four months.

Their warmth was something to your cold, it kept you going just a little bit longer.

You had told them your story as to why you were adopted by the Cullens, finding the back story of dead parents and an abusive Uncle too much to handle, it was obvious your past had still haunted you even more so that you felt alone once again.

The pack tried to keep you happy for a bit, they took you out for go-karting, the local cinema or bowling, but whilst you were enjoying that, in the back of your mind your family still lingered.

You knew that hanging around the pack it blocked any visions from Alice, during the campfire you and Bella seemed to have a moment, alone at the fire.

“You think they’ll come back?” You asked, remembering the conversation of Bella telling you they were going for forever.

“I don’t know, (Y/n).”

You stared at the fire, your knees to your chest with your arms resting on them, “Why don’t they want me?”

The tears started to fall as Bella throws an arm over your shoulder and pulls you close, no matter how loud the boys were you missed your family.

Thoughts ran through your head, negative ones that were hard to force them out as the devil had kicked the angel off your shoulder and whispered ludicrous lies that you tend to believe.

“I don’t deserve to be here.”

Bella didn’t know whether you meant with the pack or alive.

You hated the sight of blood.

You were sure you weren't supposed to go out like this but somehow you just accepted fate. 

The pack of shapeshifters come running to your side when they heard a painful scream carry through the forest. The boys quickly transformed to their wolf form, jumping to your side of the land and found a scene.

Sam looks up at the night sky and back at the threatening child of the moon, the wolf snarled dropping the arm of the vampire it just took down. The protective instinct was to protect you, the wolf was holding its ground wanting to keep its food to itself.

The venom of the wolf and the vampire was painful, to say the least, it was fighting with each other before it neutralised itself out. The pain was still there, every fibre of your body was on fire, whilst trying to keep yourself awake, but blood was rushing out of you and you just wanted to give up.

The vampire and the wolf had a good bite out of you, the wolf was more playful with its food, scratching your right arm down and had clawed down from your the left side of your face to the right side of your chin. The vampire wanted to break you, crushing your ribs and breaking your left clavicle you were sure you were a goner.

You could hardly breathe as you were picked up by a light grey werewolf and dashed with two brown werewolves to the edge of the forest and racing down to the nearest hospital.

You shouldn’t be alive and you wished you weren’t.

Your arm was bandaged up with your other wrist bruised by the tightening grip of the vampire. The scratches on your face were light and weren’t deep that were going cause a scar like Emily’s, but they had informed you that you were going to form light scars down to your chin.

Unable to see from eye they managed to save your eye from going blind, you were sure you were living in a fairy-tale because how was anyone able to survive the shit you had undergone?

“I want my family,” You croaked out, as Leah and Jacob had accompanied you in the room.

“It’s their fault you're here, (Y/n), we weren’t quick enough to save you but I can promise you if those leeches were there you wouldn’t be here,” Leah spoke truthfully, “As much as you love them, want them - if they truly cared why would they leave you?”

“Leah-” Jacob scowled at her as Leah rolled her eyes, “(Y/n) doesn’t need to-”

“You don’t exactly like them either Jacob,” Leah snapped.

“Enough you two, get out,” Sam commanded them, opening the door as the two left the room glaring at each other. Sam looked at you, “How you’re feeling eye-patch?”

You look at him with a tired eye, since the left eye was covered with a patch to keep the eye clean after the surgery. He looked at you, your face condition reminding him too much of Emily’s situation.

“If I died, do you think my family would have come back?” You asked out of the blue, your tone was rough at the edges, “Would they care about me enough? Or leaving me, abandoning me was the sign that I don’t deserve theirs or anyone’s love?”

“(Y/n)-”

“It’s true though if I just had stayed in the house maybe - it’s my fault. Everything is my fault, everything is my fault-”You wanted to cry, scream, thrash around but my god the pain your mind endured was much more painful than the venoms taking over, “It’s my fault...”

You were so used to the cold now that you were on the edge of freezing.

Bella stood awkwardly in front of the family. Before she had left for Italy, she had talked to Alice, and she had a common knowledge that you almost died a few days and currently recovering in the hospital. Three days later the house that was empty and a scent of yours was faint the vampire nose, was preoccupied with the family once again.

“Where is (Y/n)?” Carlisle asked, “He’s not in his room.”

“Well, he was upset about you guys leaving,” Bella explained, shuffling so there was distance between the group of vampires and herself, “Undoubtedly.”

“I told you we shouldn't have left him,” Rosalie seethes, “Jasper even said he isn’t bothered by (Y/n) blood.”

“Um, he’s taking his medications again, though last time I checked he ran out a few weeks back so-”

The family snapped their golden eyes at Bella, the news had startled them. They were planning to come back for you, but they must have mistaken your happiness for strength - you had just got off those meds and now you were taking them again?

“What do you mean medications?” Emmett pressed on, Bella hadn’t seen this bear of a vampire so worried, so serious, “Tell me he just got the flu?”

“Well-”

“Are you sure you want to be here?” A voice was heard outside cutting Bella off.

The vampires knew it belonged to the alpha of the pack, Carlisle was trying to make sure Rosalie wasn’t going to murder the man, he was sure that he was over there with good intentions.

“What are you doing here?” 

Sam, who had his window rolled down, looked at them shocked at their arrival.

“Well?” Rosalie spat as Emmett had to hold her back.

“Leave it-!” You managed to spat back, slamming the car door of Sam’s car and coming around, “Why are you back?”

The family was taken aback, their little boy was in a sling, supporting the broken collarbone and wearing an eyepatch, they dread to think what else had happened.

“Sam was dropping me off,” You explained, before turning around and smiling at him, “Thank you.”

“No problem, listen, just remember Emily is always, and I mean always, welcoming to have you around. You have more manners than the rest of the boys.”

You smiled, nodding allowing Sam to look at your family, he looks at you one last time and you nodded reassuring, before driving off. You turn around to look at them.

“I don’t owe you an explanation.” 

You stumble your way up the stairs, Bella was the only one allowed to help you as you would glare off or flinch back to any cold hand that would support you. They all heard the wheezing from your lungs, Carlisle suspected a few broken ribs as he just wanted to reach out for his son and embrace him.

“I need more meds so like get on that because I can guarantee you I’m not leaving my bed for the next two days.” You mumbled, entering the warm environment of your house, “I’m going to bed-”

“Hold on young man-” Esme put her motherly tone, she only did that with you, “Do you think you’re going to treat your family like that?”

You spun on your heels, almost knocking Bella at the process, “Funny you say that mother,” you spat, Esme shivered at the tone you bit at her, “because I’ve been in despair, hatred and loneliness for six months, left in the dark about your whereabouts - I needed you and you abandoned me.”

“Sweetie-”

“No,” You hissed, hurt and suddenly Carlisle and Esme could see a little nine-year-old boy once again. Hurt both on the inside and the outside, “don’t sweetie me, you’re just going to pretend that everything is fine and dandy - it’s not.”

Jasper shifted uncomfortably in your emotions, which flooded above everyone’s uncertainness and regret. Your emotions were flooding him with sadness, anger and disappointment - a feeling that your big brother never wanted to feel from you. Washing a wave of calm, you glared at the blond.

“It’s been six months of loneliness! I can’t remember when the last time I went to school because I can’t manage to get myself out of bed to go, or when I had a proper meal at home or even a simple good night sleep that isn’t plagued with nightmares for my own family hating me.”

“Son...” Carlisle stepped forward as Bella had removed herself from your side.

“I can’t cry,” you mumbled, fearing if it would affect the wounds on your face.

“Do you even want me...?” You choked out, “Or am I-”

“No no no,” Carlisle embraced you into a tenderly embrace, too weak to push him away you stood there, “Of course we want you, you’re our son.”

“Our brother,” Alice spoke, her chirpy tone wasn’t present, “You’re stuck with us.”

Esme had joined the hug, running your back like she used to do when you were a child. A familiar sensation had brought you back to reality, you took a sharp intake of air as you softly let out a pained shudder of sighs.

“You are loved, and although our apology may sound empty however we are truly sorry for leaving you behind.”

Esme was very good at comforting, she had lost one child she was not losing another. Your mind was still as Edward looked at his small group of family.

“We don’t deserve your love or respect, but we’ll show you how much you mean so much to us,” Edward calmly spoke, his mind was torn that he was busy with Bella he had forgotten about you, a rotten feeling deepen down in his stomach.

“We’ll start by doing your missing homework,” Jasper lightly jokes, you softly hummed as you peak your head from your father’s shoulder.

“You’re not forgiven,” You considered, “And truth be told, god knows how long you would be building up my trust once again. But, fortunately for you, I still care and love you-”

“And we don’t expect you to trust us, we’ll earn it,” Emmett nodded as you ripped yourself away from the touch of your father. 

“Just tell us what to do and-” 

“We’re building trust, idiots,” you looked at your brothers, Edward and Emmett, with a furrowed eyebrow and tired eyes, “Though, you can start on the homework’s that I've missed, thanks for the suggestion Jazz-”

The so-called teenagers groaned, but there was a faint smile as they noticed your shoulders relaxed as did your posture.

“But do not expect me to be fine tomorrow, this is a long - long journey for us all.” You spoke, “But, I’m tired and I can’t get to my bed without being in pain so can-?”

Carlisle and Esme grabbed you, escorting you to bed. When you were tightly wrapped in bed, the family had started to get a plan in earning your trust and showing their emotions to you - some would often look up the stairs, remembering that you were still angry at them but giving them a second chance. They would smile when they could hear your heartbeat, it was comforting for them to know that you’re still alive.

There was a familiar warmth that crept at your toes. A warmth that wasn’t like the pack’s when they were around, but a warmth that filled you with joy and happiness like it was six months before.

It seemed like winter was defrosting and summer was blooming.

Alone seemed like a foreign word to your mind.

[09yards]

7 - Houston, I have so many problems (days gone by - nct)

Days Gone By masterlist | main masterlist - ao3 link

warning: excessive use of italics in this chapter because apparently I felt like it and I've only worked on this during night hours and honestly it probably doesn't make sense because it isn't edited properly okay love you bye now, enjoy the chapter (:

Mark drowns his sorrows in T Swift, Grey's Anatomy and Ben and Jerrys and we talk about Johnny a whole lot and the pressures of school and life decisions.

I’ve got a hundred speeches thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

&

Yeah, after all this time, I’m still into you

      Johnny was a good brother, just not exactly role model material. He was protective, but still let you do all the dumb stuff you thought of - like jumping fully clothed in the lake during winter or staying out past curfew because ‘mum will never know, not unless you tell her anyway’ - he was the one there to laugh with you, cry with you, encourage you to do stupid things because you have to live your life. Mark never really understood when Johnny would go on some philosophical rant about how you only get one life, if you aren’t enjoying it then you’re not doing it right.

     He wasn’t constantly thinking about what to do next, how if he did this or that then this would happen. Mark was confused by it in all honestly, he couldn’t comprehend that Johnny studied for fun, wanted to do well not because he felt he had to but because he wanted to. Mark never felt like he made choices purely for himself, he did it for other people or because that’s what he was supposed to do. It wasn’t just academics, Mark was nice to everyone, he it his tongue when he really wanted to correct someone on their opinions (everyone is entitled to their own opinions but the guy was just plain wrong, zero factual basis for his arguments). Mark liked being in control of his own thoughts and feelings, he liked dictating his own life, for once. He just didn’t know how to regain control. He wanted to stop doing things for others, he wanted to be a little selfish – wanted to make himself happy first. He didn’t realise there was absolutely nothing selfish about that at all.

      And then, as stupid as it may sound, Mark started binging Grey’s Anatomy. The medical drama was a major turning point for the sixteen-year-old (at the time), taught him about how he wanted to help people, how he wanted to make a difference to people’s lives. He remembers sitting down and talking to Johnny about it, about how he felt like he’d found his calling. Sure, if anyone asked him now, he’d tell people that he fell in love with medicine as a young child, always playing doctors with his teddy bears and seeing his mum go to work every day, not that Sandra Oh being the magnificent actress she is, made him want to learn more and more about the field, thus he pulled an all-nighter googling different medical pathways and finding what was right for him – and how.

      Johnny was there for all the big decisions in his life. Johnny was there when Mark didn’t realise you were supposed to ‘come out’ if you were anything but straight (frankly, he strongly believed in the idea that no ones sexuality should be pre-determined and that no one should feel the need to define who they are - like that clip in ‘Love, Simon’ which prompted Jisung, Hyuck, Renjun and Jaemin all telling him to shut up when he went on a rant about how assuming someone’s sexuality is wrong and how coming out shouldn’t just be for the non-heterosexual) and in the midst of his first full-on breakdown over his burgeoning crush on Daniel from year 10 maths, Mark had said ‘he’ around thirty-two times, give or take a few (yes, Johnny had counted just to be sure), and only then had it truly dawned on Johny that this was it, this is the closest Johnny was getting to an ‘I-am-gay-and-this-is-me-coming-out-to-you’ moment. Honestly, it’d made Johnny quite proud - his mother was an avid supporter of the community and they’d grown up completely aware that any and all love was love, nothing wrong with any of it and those who believed otherwise didn’t deserve a lollipop (sue him, he was only eight and that was their mum’s way of describing people who were arseholes without calling them bad names). Johnny was there when Mark, sweating nervously and disgustingly clammy-handed, told them how he wanted to follow in their mothers (actually Meredith Grey’s, not that he was going to tell his mum that) footsteps and become a doctor too. Why he was so nervous, he’ll never really know nor understand.

      Especially not when Johnny picked him up and twirled him around in a hug shouting about how his little brother is going to be a doctor, Johnny always was one for theatrics, their mum on the other hand gave her usual warm-hearted smile, said she’d support him no matter what and wrapped him up in one of her bear-hugs. She always gave the best hugs, they simply felt like home, like no matter what you’d be safe.

      Jisung smiled, too young to really care and didn’t understand why Mark had made some big deal about it – “it’s just a degree, you could buy one online for like a hundred pounds instead”. Yes, Jisung spent too much time on the internet, Mark really didn’t want to know what the majority of his time on there was spent doing. Honestly, Mark had him pegged as some sort of edgy Tumblr teen running an insanely successful blog for a book-turned-tv-or-movie series so the majority of his time was probably devoted to reading (that Mark knew) and watching and then reviewing the episodes. It was somewhat worrying the amount Mark had thought about this, was he a multi-fandom blogger or did he just stick to one? What was he watching? Shadowhunter’s? Harry Potter? Sherlock? So, many, questions. But hey, it wasn’t Marks business to know. If he’d just asked Jisung he’d be aware of the youngers multiple blogs, one dedicated to his love of kpop and idols with dimples, the other dedicated to reviewing and just general chatting and fan theories about his favourite book series turned movie/TV shows, Mark wasn’t as far off as he’d like to believe.

      With everything that was happening with Hyuck, or rather lack thereof, Mark was desperate to feel at least somewhat in control of his life. Desperate to feel like he was doing something that mattered, like he was working toward something. One thing Mark could always rely on is that all of his friends and family, among other things, would describe him as a workaholic. As much as Mark loved to attempt to dispute this, he couldn’t. It was the truth and being the emotionally constipated teenager that he is – what better way to deal with your emotions that not doing so and instead throwing yourself into schoolwork? Mark was a broken human in many ways, in many ways he was just normal. Just like any other teenager feeling like they didn’t have their lives under control, feeling like they had to make life altering and affirming decisions at the age of sixteen or seventeen. It wasn’t fair. It didn’t feel fair at least. It didn’t feel fair that he couldn’t have some cute teenage love story like in the movies, didn’t feel fair that he had to submit his university applications by mid-October when everyone else got to wait until December, didn’t feel fair that everyone else had their soulmates or were finding them left and right but he was stuck.

      It was stupid and selfish but he wanted to feel upset. He wanted to feel like he’d lost something rather than just admitting the plain truth that Donghyuck just didn’t like him back. Not every love story was straight (oh the irony) out of Wattpad and not everyone got their happy ending, at least not yet. So, a very stressed Mark was free to wander mindlessly around his home, mind too occupied with some parallel universe where there’s no such thing as soulmates and everyone possess the ability to fall in love with whomever they wish. Not that that would change much in Mark’s case, but let the guy dream okay? Okay.

      Johnny was a good brother. But Johnny was still his brother at the end of the day.

      A brother who comes home for the weekend unexpectedly and so his seventeen year old brother believes he’s able to be singing his heart out to wildest dreams by Taylor swift, I break from crying over Mcdreamy’s death, with a pot of Ben and Jerrys fish food (yeah he was in full blown sad mode) in hand and the most over-sized hoodie he could get his hands on, actually wearing his glasses for once and well… Mark was a mess, in peace, but Johnny took the initiative of filming Marks current endeavours before making his presence known by snorting obnoxiously and crumpling into a ball (well as close as Johnny could get to folding his over six foot body into something remotely small) on the floor of their kitchen unable to breathe normally for at least ten minutes and unable to look Mark in the eye for the next two hours while keeping a straight face, as every time it resulted in him wheezing again and managing to get out a “Y-you, you listen,” another wheeze, “to Taylor, the Taylor Swift,” another, stupid, wheeze, “like queen of break up songs when you’re sad? Oh, Mark, where did I go wrong with raising you.” Yeah, not the most pleasant of experiences for Mark, his bright red ears clearly displaying his emotions.

       He should be allowed to drown his sorrow in peace, listening to Taylor Swift (and Adele but Johnny didn’t hear his rendition of ‘hello’ so #MarkFirstWin) eating his ice cream and dancing around the kitchen. We’ve all been there and anyone who says they haven’t done some sort of version of this is a down right liar, or just really, really, lucky and hasn’t experienced any form of heartbreak ever.

      Nevertheless, this is the same Johnny who then slaps you so hard on the back that it winds you, and then tells you with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, “Hey! You know what would be perfect to distract you?” No Johnny, he was taking the Taylor Swift route. Mark just shook his head, his ears tinting red at the memory of Johnny catching him again (yes it was three hours again) and how he would definitely be relaying the message to others. “Well, your uni applications are in, nothing you can do right now to change that. So, I wasn’t going to invite you because I knew you’d say no but now I’m leaving you no choice. As it’s Winwin and Yuta’s birthdays, they’re having a party tonight and you are coming with me.”

       “But-“

      “Yeah, no buts. You’re coming. Yes, everyone will be there – it’s a family affair. Even Jisung is coming for a bit but I’ve already bought him chocolate milk and put it in the fridge at Yuta’s place.”

      “And you’re really going to let me drown my sorrows in alcohol after my birthday party?”

      “Sure, after all, what’s the worst that could happen?”

      Like Mark said, Johnny let you do the dumb shit. He’d help you pick up the pieces later.

   Hyuck. Alcohol. Jungwoo. Alcohol. Yuta. Alcohol. Winwin. Alcohol. Jaehyun. Alcohol. Soulmates. Black-out drunk.

[spoopercorp]

Supercorp Fic 4/4

Summary: Kara leaves for a mission and when she returns, she is not entirely herself - Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El are gone. All that is left is Supergirl, last child of Krypton and now Rao’s successor.

Chapter Summary: Supergirl finds herself drifting farther and farther from humanity, but something - someone - keeps pulling her back and involuntarily tethering her to Earth. Her efforts to discern whether the person - a mere human - was previously friend or family always comes up fruitless.

Maybe because Lena was someone that could not be fit into those two categories.

Based on this: “plastic-pipes.tumblr.com/post/161320253433/plastic-pipes-i-can-c-basically-its-kinda-i” by @plastic-pipes.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

“Kara?”

The utter shock was evident in Alex’s expression and tone, and she stepped to the side, sliding the window to her apartment open. Supergirl floated into the spacious living room, dimly lit with only a nearby lamp and the television screen.

“I was worried,” Alex whispered, taking her little sister’s fingers into her own and squeezing.

Supergirl did not reciprocate, instead, she observed the action, mesmerized.

“You need not be worried,” she reassured, felt the need to.

“Well,” Alex folded her arms, “Last month there was that neighborhood attack, then the restaurant bombing, then another assassination attempt on…”

She trailed off when she registered a subtle change in Supergirl’s expression.

A moment of silence enveloped them before a curious glint was caught in Alex’s eye.

“How’s Lena?”

“She’s…” the Kryptonian was clearly caught off guard by the question, “Injured. Recovering.”

“Did you see her? Recently?” Alex moved to the couch and Supergirl followed without a word, hovering next to the arm of the sofa.

“No,” she answered, almost in disappointment, moving to the bookshelf, “The last we spoke was two weeks ago.”

Alex hummed in reply. Lena’s and Supergirl’s interactions were always...interestingly peculiar; it was by no means steady, almost on and off - the latter would visit, usually every night, then the meetings would stop suddenly for an undetermined amount of time, only to spontaneously resume at their daily paces.

Supergirl visited Alex less often, at least once a week, but the scheduling was less...precarious, more consistent.

It was probably more stimulating as well; there were times when the Kryptonian would watch the show playing on the television and ask questions every five to ten minutes, it depended on how interesting it was. Then there was music and then there were the board games, which Alex quickly ended up scrapping because Supergirl always won.

This time the Kryptonian was occupied with the books on the agent’s shelves, which were honestly not particularly intriguing to read; the majority of them were non-fictional informational texts from Alex’s time studying in medical school.

She did purchase a hulking book of American idioms, because Supergirl had suddenly acquired a keen curiosity with them, and it did make talking to her a lot easier. She finished it shortly though, and had a small novel in her hand instead, reading next to Alex, whose eyes were glued to the screen.

“I finished your newly purchased texts regarding the topic of psychology,” Supergirl informed.

Alex did not turn from the screen, “Is there a reason you’re so interested in that? You’ve picked up interesting reading subjects lately.”

“Humans are...confusing.”

“That's all?” Alex asked, momentarily glancing over before returning her attention to the television, “I can hardly see that reason being sufficient enough to prompt you to want to read books on psychology.”

“Ms. Luthor is...confusing,” Supergirl supplied instead.

Alex's gaze rested on Supergirl for longer this time, a brow quirked.

Of course.

Then she turned back to her screen.

She also fought off a grimace at how Supergirl - Kara - addressed her former best friend. She was not the only victim though. Winn was Mr. Schott. James was Mr. Olsen. Even Clark was Mr. Kent.

Alex was always Alexandra though. More formal, but more familiar.

Everyone’s bond with Supergirl was unique. Special with their roles in their own little ways.

Alex often found herself exchanging her point of view to the goddess for more...human situations.

Cat was straightforward, blunt, and practical with her advice, but was rarely visited.

Maggie and Supergirl seldom encountered one another, but when they did, it was always when their duties clashed - they were civil though, discussed the jurisdiction of the police and the latter’s heroic antics.

J’onn was relatively quiet, only informing the Kryptonian of missions the D.E.O. needed to accomplish, but there was a connection there, no matter how brief. He kept her old suit as well, when it was discarded the moment Kara transcended.

Clark and Mon-El were reminders of Krypton, though she almost never sought them out.

James and Lucy often brought Supergirl around to experience the life of humans whether it was taking photos or going out for a quick bite, even with all the gawking.

Winn cracked jokes as many times as he could to get a smile out of her whenever she was at the D.E.O. It never worked and Alex believed it was because of Kara’s current condition and the fact that Winn was not funny.

Eliza and Supergirl did not speak often, the latter only visited for the rare desire of peace and quiet in Midvale - perhaps the silently warm comfort of a mother.

Lena was...different. Alex had known of their meetings, nothing past that, but Supergirl often left from them more...normal. Maybe even to say more emotional, more passionate, but that was all normal for Kara.

“They won’t stop talking about it, you know?” Alex said.

Supergirl’s ears perked up at the sentence, followed by the name ‘Lena Luthor’ emitted from the television set. She raised her head to rest her gaze onto the news anchor, spewing out some biased details. Then her focus trained on Alex, if she was going to hear nonsensical human jargon, she would much rather hear it from her.

“Some people say Lena was a hero,” the agent started, lifting the remote from her coffee table and lowering the volume, “Most say Lena set the stage up. You know, for some good publicity.”

“At the price of her own well-being?”

Supergirl’s voice had a skeptical lilt to it, almost disbelieving, almost irked.

“Ha,” Alex threw her head back, “Right? Like, I get where everyone’s anti-Luthor mentality comes from, but she's consistently shown that she's not like her family, and...people - humans - are just a little difficult to fully understand sometimes.”

Supergirl nodded in agreement, turning back to the jumbled words in her book, “Is that why Ms. Luthor tends to be-”

“Aloof? Cold? Distant? Unapproachable? Lonely?” Alex shrugged, “Maybe.”

Supergirl tilted her head, “She is not alone. Her secretary assists her often.”

The agent chuckled softly, “No. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.”

“Enlighten me.”

Alex shrugged again, “Well, for starters, you can still be around people and feel lonely. I guess it’s like a part of you is missing - it feels empty, hollow, like nothing can really fill it, like no one really understands you,” she sighed, “If it weren’t for you or J’onn I might’ve still been drunkenly partying around all the time - alcohol is a temporary coping mechanism.”

“Ms. Luthor drinks a lot,” Supergirl stated.

Alex winced, “Yeah, I’ve seen how much liquor she can hold. She’s worse than I am.”

“Are familial, platonic, and romantic relationships not supposed to remedy negative feelings?”

“They do,” she answered, “Ninety-nine percent of the time the people you’re close to really help out.”

“What about the one percent?” Supergirl inquired.

“What?”

“Aside from the ninety-nine percent.”

Alex frowned, relaxed into her cushions and sighed, “Well, the one percent of the time you’re Lena Luthor I guess.”

“How so?”

“Her shady background prompted some sketchy sleuthing, Winn and I conducted an investigation on her history. There was enough information on Lex, of course, and plenty to go around about Lionel and Lillian. But Lena was always under the radar.”

“What was ‘under the radar’?” Supergirl repeated.

Alex shifted uncomfortably, “Adoption history, a few medical bills, filed charges, her standardized test scores and report cards, which, wow by the way - she did a lot better in school than Lex did, and everyone says he’s a genius, but maybe he was just too busy with his anti-alien agenda-”

“Medical bills?”

Alex’s tone sounded uneasy, “The first one was a year after her adoption, she was five, and it was for a broken arm. The next was when she was seven, she dislocated her ankle. Ten years old she shattered a kneecap. Fourteen when she had a fractured scapula. Sixteen she was brought in with a broken femur. Seventeen she dislocated her shoulder and elbow. I mean, the Luthors certainly couldn’t cite that she was clumsy, might’ve worked the first two times if they were lucky. But some of her injuries festered over time: old cuts, old bruises, et cetera. So, I looked into the primary hospital that treated her and they already had a good influx of donations, but the times surrounding Lena’s ‘accidents’ were when they had a donor that provided a ridiculously large sum of money.”

“You are implying she was abused,” Supergirl deduced.

Alex’s voice grew more distressed, “Yeah. Physically, emotionally, who knows what else. And it definitely explains the charges Lena filed against her mom and dad the moment she hit eighteen, but I couldn’t get into them, even with Winn’s computer skills - the Luthors really wanted that part hidden from the public.”

There was silence, perhaps on Supergirls side because she was digesting the information slowly.

Then Alex ran a hand through her hair, “I didn’t like her at first, ‘cause, you know, she was a Luthor - I didn’t trust her. Then you two became friends and I had to change my perspective a little; she was polite, stubborn, but really genuine with you,” her voice softened into a gentle tone, “Lena was still a little wary and standoffish towards everyone else, but I couldn’t really determine my next opinion of her without some research on why that woman practically never smiled, so...I got Winn’s help, and I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised when I figured out the answer.”

She chanced a glance over to her sister, still floating in the air in her sacred attire, her face like stone, frozen into an unreadable expression.

“She grew up rich, really rich, but she raised herself ‘cause all the support and love went to Lex. She had wealth though, but it wasn’t the usual case of a kid lacking in attention and given money as a substitute and hoping for the best. No, there was that, and neglect, and abuse. It must’ve been a constant nightmare for Lena.”

“Indeed.”

The voice was almost speechless, came out wavered, mostly even, but the fluctuation carried a cumbersome weight to it.

Alex observed Supergirl staring blankly past the pages of the text she was previously reading, and her eyes skimmed over the cover of the book.

“Menander? You’re interested in Greek texts now? What story?”

“I completed Dyskolos - The Misanthrope. I am currently reading excerpts from all of his fragmented works that were lost in the Middle Ages.”

Alex leaned over and read the title page, “Dis Exapaton - The Double Deceiver? Again? You keep coming back to that.”

“There is a maxim that he wrote that has held my interest.”

The agent chuckled lightly, “Another idiom you want to decipher?”

Supergirl’s eyes softened a tiny fraction, and after Alex has been so accommodated to her stoicness, she easily caught the change.

It seemed troubled.

Her eyes narrowed slightly when Supergirl shut the book with a quiet thud and placed it back on the shelf.

“I must go,” she said, quickly met with a firm hug from Alex.

“Take care, Kara.”

She hovered towards the window, “It is late.”

She gripped the frame, her body almost out of the exit before she turned.

Her eyes seemed to be in turmoil as she gave a nod, clear even in the dark, “Goodbye,” there was hesitation, a little something that seemed like humanity, “Alex.”

Then she left into the night.

She kept going back.

She did not know why, but she did.

At the end of the day, the week, the month...after a particularly taxing mission, she usually found herself atop L-Corp’s balcony.

And she knew it must have had everything to do with the woman who owned the building.

Lena Luthor.

Though she was uncertain to why she was so drawn to the C.E.O. - the invisible pull was there almost every minute of every day.

Especially now.

Because Lena made her feel something, something different than what anyone else offered.

It was best described as something between familial and platonic, but there were many times where it felt different from the two altogether; the something Supergirl felt with her family and friends was gradual, subtle, and comfortable.

Lena caused a fiery spark of something, but it came and went within a heartbeat, and the Kryptonian found herself pursuing it constantly, almost addictively.

The godly facade was being peeled apart by everyone, gently, carefully.

Lena was tearing those walls apart with such passionate ease, but it was not gentle nor careful, more messy than everyone else’s methods, gaining its pace exponentially, and Lena herself was probably unaware of her affects.

Supergirl tentatively floated, on the other side of the balcony, and kept her distance. She observed the woman, hair down, almost slouched, hunched over with her token alcoholic beverage in hand. Her fingers were wrapped around the railing, gripping so hard her own knuckles might have broken.

If it were not for the Kryptonian gliding over to unclench them.

Lena flinched, pulled her hand away.

“You drink,” Supergirl said, eyeing the liquor with something akin to distaste, “Often.”

“Why’re you here?” her tone was quiet, a little snappy, thankfully not drunken, “Don’t you have better things to do? Like save the world?”

The last remnants of bitterness from the incident were still there.

“You are still injured,” Supergirl stated, “You almost died. You should be resting.”

“I know you didn’t come here just to check up on my condition,” Lena hummed, clicking her tongue, “You sound like you want to say something else.”

Supergirl hovered next to her on the balcony, her voice a tad lower, “We spoke of idioms some time ago.”

Lena recalled the memory, and it was a pleasant one judging from the smirk that lifted her lips, “Yes, why don’t you cut to the chase?”

Supergirl did not entertain the sassy remark, her lips twitched, almost unsettled.

“I discovered yet another.”

A small but sad though eager smile colored Lena’s face, “And that is?”

A pause.

“‘Those whom the gods love die young’.”

Lena’s breath hitched and her eyes widened in surprise, but her features were hastily schooled into a hardened expression.

“Why’re you telling me this?”

“I seek an answer, because when I read it...there was a weight within my chest,” another heavy pause, “I thought of you... I do not understand what that means,” she turned, her celestial eyes boring into earthly emeralds, “Tell me, what does it mean?”

Lena knew what she was really asking, but she evaded it anyway with an intellectual answer, because logic was easy to fall into, “That phrase is often used when someone dies young, below the average lifespan. Around eighty years here in the U.S.”

“I did not mean the idiom,” Supergirl notified softly.

Lena swallowed, felt her chest and lungs and vocal cords numb, maybe it was because of the injuries, but she was smart, she knew better.

“Then I can't tell you what you want to know,” she informed, “I can't give you an answer for that. I’m sorry.”

Supergirl nodded, “Explain to me why humans utilize that idiom then.”

That Lena could do, it was easy, “It’s a form of comfort for those who have lost someone too early.”

“Does it comfort you?”

“No.”

Supergirl’s brows furrowed in confusion and Lena averted her eyes to avoid that crinkle.

“You lack faith and hope. Your hardships have made you cynical and pessimistic,” the goddess stated.

The Luthor scoffed, “Ha. No. I’m realistic. I’m a realist.”

Supergirl felt something stir in the pit of her stomach, it was heated and bubbling, and it made her tone slightly harsher, “You are a misanthrope.”

Lena chuckled humorlessly, “Same thing.”

Supergirl narrowed her eyes, some part of her holy exterior cracked.

The vomit of words came out from her subconscious, and a part of it was meant to inform and to hurt, to inflict pain, “My observations have informed me that you severely lack in the self-worth department. You drink. Too much,” there was no control, the words would not stop, and she murderously glared at the glass of alcohol in Lena’s hand, “More so now because you can drown yourself and become numb to your emotions. You are plagued by insomnia and self-hatred and it suffocates you. It is not necessarily that your mind constantly berates, but when the time comes to prove yourself or to make decisions regarding something or someone with high losses and gains, you are often doubtful and loathing of your abilities; it is due to everyone in your past undermining your accomplishments and favoring your bro-”

Lena’s eyes flared and a loud slap resonated through Supergirl’s acute ears.

She felt a tingling sensation on her cheek, saw the human wince and retract her arm back to her side.

The angry heat in her stomach was replaced with worry, and suddenly she was startled - belatedly so - at her own words, at how utterly human it was from start to finish, from the intention to the inflection.

“Your han-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Lena scowled, her eye twitched from holding back a pained grimace, “You know nothing about me, Supergirl,” she drew back at the name, shrank in her stance, “Get the hell out of my office.”

She watched a tear, then another, fall from the woman’s regretful eyes, in such pain that the already jaded green hue encased in them dulled impossibly further.

Supergirl felt a pang in her chest, her heart stuttered with remorse.

“I am sorry…”

Lena dipped her head at the apology and wiped her tears, then pinched the bridge of her nose.

She took a deep, unsettled breath.

“Me too…”

There was a lump in Supergirl’s throat, and she took a step forward, then another, and then another, until she was standing tall before the Luthor in front of her.

Lena tilted her head up to connect their eyes.

“I have difficulties determining who you are - were - to me,” Supergirl confessed, stroking the dark tresses with the tips of her fingers, “To Kara Danvers.”

Lena swallowed, eyes fluttering at the action as she waited for her to finish.

“You are not someone more nor someone less; you are neither friend nor family,” Supergirl let her hand drop away, “I do not understand. You often feel like both, but you also often feel...different to me. Figuratively,” she raised her hand again, placed it gently against Lena’s cheek, caressing the wet trails with her thumb, and the skin contact buzzed with electricity, “And literally.”

Lena’s breath caught in her throat and she stepped back, away from the emotions, away from what she was feeling, “We were best friends. That’s all.”

Supergirl’s hand stayed suspended in the empty air before returning to her side.

“I see,” she said, melancholic.

Lena saw something dawn on the Kryptonian’s face, a sort of epiphany that enlightened her.

“Did I belong to you?”

The suddenness of the statement caught Lena off guard, left her speechless.

“P-Pardon?”

“Was I yours?” Supergirl rephrased, “Were you mine?”

“No,” Lena released a breath, “We were never...” she waved her hand casually, “...romantically involved.”

“I understand.”

Then, “You are cold.”

Lena forced a smile, kept her shivering under control after the comment, “Well, it does get chilly at night. Or do you mean it figuratively?”

Supergirl unclasped her cape from her shoulders, draped the holy fabric over the human.

A moment passed.

“What happened to you? To Kara?” Lena asked, brushing the shock off from her system as she tugged the cape closer to her body. She fought back another wince when her hand protested the movement.

Supergirl waited a moment, contemplated.

“I encountered several Kryptonians, they originated from the remains of Fort Rozz, unassociated with Non and Astra In-Ze,” she explained, “They called themselves the Sun Thrivers - a rogue religious sect banished from Krypton. They stirred trouble, I went to investigate. One of them was a high priest, known as the Voice of Rao, who was endowed with the privilege of speaking directly to the god; he chose me to carry on the legacy as I was still young, but retained Krypton’s memories. They conducted an ancient ritual, imbued me with the reincarnation of Rao.”

There was more silence, and it deepened torturously, lingered with its somberness.

“I’m grieving,” Lena blurted out, then more tears spilled, “I'm grieving for someone who isn't dead,” she turned to Supergirl, eyes ardent with anger and terribly forlorn, “Kara isn't dead,” her voice broke, cracked open, showcased her vulnerability with its heaviness, “She's just...she's just gone…”

“I am sorry.”

“Apologies don’t fix everything,” Lena whispered hoarsely.

Supergirl nodded, her expression solemn, “I have been made aware.”

“I loved you,” she cried, soft, gentle, “I loved Kara. I still do.”

“I am still her,” Supergirl tried, she felt something prickle and sting at her eyes, “I am still Kara Danvers. I am still your-”

“No,” Lena croaked, tightening her grip on the cape over her shoulders, “You’re not. You’re-”

Something impulsive drove Supergirl, caused her to surge forward and roughly capture the woman’s lips with her own.

The moment she decided to pull away, Lena deepened the kiss, a hand slipped around the hero’s waist, the other clawed up her strong back before resting atop a broad shoulder. She grimaced when a sharp pain shot up her wrist, but ignored it.

Something primal snapped inside Supergirl and she pushed forward, slammed Lena against the glass separating the building from the balcony with a thud, earning her a groan of pleasure.

The soft mewls and whimpers quickly shifted into a noise that sounded like growling and Lena’s hands dug farther into the Kryptonian’s muscular body, desperate for skin.

Supergirl followed quickly by dancing her fingers up Lena’s skirt, hiking it up to her hips as she caressed the supple alabaster flesh. Then she squeezed once, twice, before shoving her body closer and pinning the human farther onto the glass.

Lena grunted at the force, then moaned when a firm hand lifted a leg up and she curved it around the hero’s hips.

The kisses became wetter, messier, then Supergirl trailed her lips down to the hollow of Lena’s throat and sucked.

The woman released a high-pitched moan and brought her hands up around the Kryptonian’s neck, played with the hair along her nape with feathery strokes, urging her on.

Lena sighed, set her leg down and lifted the other up, pressing between Supergirl’s legs, who gasped at the sensation.

She returned the action soon after and it prompted Lena to bite down, hard, into unbreakable lips.

It encouraged Supergirl to press her thigh harder into the Luthor, who threw her head back, her neck vulnerable and so beautifully pale.

Supergirl was quick to assault it with her lips, teeth nipping here and there, then to the shoulders, then to the collarbone.

“Fuck.”

Lena was overwhelmed, began to ride Supergirl’s thigh desperately, bucking her hips in a wildly uncontrolled manner as she felt the coil in the pit of her stomach intensify, and she returned the favor simultaneously.

Supergirl encouraged her, swallowed her shaky moans with her lips, reveled in the dampness that was on her thigh and in between her own legs.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered the fact that this was what humans called ‘arousal’, ‘consummating’, ‘love’, and she - a goddess chosen - was engaging in them swiftly and thoroughly.

Supergirl pulled back, pressed their foreheads together, watched as Lena grew more and more sensitive to touch, heard as Lena’s voice grew higher in pitch as she got closer, felt as Lena’s flesh was coated in a light sheen of sweat.

She came with a weak and strangled cry, sinking her head into the crook of Supergirl’s neck and biting into the bulletproof skin to muffle herself, and the hero followed shortly after with ragged breaths.

Lena’s hips slowed and her whines quieted to shallow pants, and Supergirl found herself surprised at how dismayed she was at the fact she was no longer hearing the woman’s moans.

She also found yet another powerful urge to kiss her and leaned in to plant another, fluttering her eyes shut, only to be met with a tear-stained cheek when Lena turned away. Then there was a hand pressing against Supergirl’s chest, pushing her away, and she took a small step back, but her hand was still wrapped around the woman’s waist.

“No. I...I can’t. You have a higher calling than…” Lena gestured between them, “...this. You were chosen, you're meant to be something great, and you can't be that here.”

Supergirl shook her head, “It was a gift. I’m not obligated to keep it.”

Lena took a shaky breath, dipped her gaze to the floor.

Her eyes widened.

When did Supergirl land?

“You’re…” she felt her heart rate increase, “...on th-the ground.”

She snapped her head back up to see blue eyes overflowing with tears.

“I don't want this, Lena.”

“K-Kara?”

“I want to go home,” she whispered, “I want to have a proper sister night with Alex, I want to play video games with Winn, I want to eat pizza and potstickers, I-I want...I want you, Lena.”

“Kara, what’s - Kara!”

She collapsed to her knees, onto the floor, unconscious. Lena followed her to the ground, her arms firmly embracing her, panicking when a white aura surrounded her friend.

She watched as Supergirl’s divine suit shimmered away to reveal the nakedness underneath.

The next time Lena saw her was a week later, when she was leaned against her desk and carefully observing the television. It was bright into the afternoon, the sun shining through her balcony. It was very unlike her previous meetings with Supergirl, though that was not the only difference.

“Water?”

Lena pivoted to see the girl of steel touch the floor of her building, wearing her old suit and that sparkling grin.

She darted her gaze to the beverage she was holding, not amber in color as usual.

“It’s a little too early for alcohol I’d say,” she hummed, gave a small and somewhat uneasy smile.

Kara took a step closer, her grin still scintillating, but there was a crinkle between her brows as she sought to connect their gazes, “That’s never exactly held you back from drinking.”

Lena chuckled, averted her eyes, refused to match it, “You make a point.”

A moment passed.

“How’s your hand?”

The Luthor raised a perfect brow, then dipped her head in shame, observing her cast.

“I was hoping your transition would erase your memories. You remember?”

“Hard not to,” Kara replied, her crinkle intensifying as her friend continued to avoid her eyes, “The bones didn’t sound too good when you slapped me.”

Lena grimaced, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, truly.”

“Me too,” Kara said softly, “You weren’t in a good place, I should’ve recognized that, especially after the reveal. I guess I should work on boundaries.”

The Luthor shot her eyes up, but the cowardice had it stop at the sight of the emblem of hope, carefully crafted into the navy fabric.

“That wasn’t you that time,” she argued, “Not all of it.”

“Not all of it,” Kara repeated, “But my tendency to ramble was unfortunately passed on to the godly version of me.”

“And the crinkle,” Lena mumbled, and she immediately bit her lip after those words fell from her tongue.

She quickly evaded Kara’s reply.

“Do you remember everything?” she inquired, “When you became Supergirl full-time?”

“I do,” came the answer, “Listen, I-”

“You don’t have to,” Lena cut in, “I understand. You didn’t mean to. It was…” she turned away, made for her cupboard, “...a lapse in judgement,” she pulled out a bottle of vodka, “A mistake.”

She poured the liquor into her new cup and it sloshed, made a mess around her counter before shooting it straight down her throat.

“No,” Kara protested, “That’s not-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Lena interjected, pouring herself another glass, “I have a meeting in ten-”

Kara gripped her friend’s wrist, halting it from bringing more alcohol into her system.

“Stop,” she pleaded, her voice firm, “Just...listen to me.”

Lena pressed her lips into a thin line before nodding, steeling herself up for what was to come.

Kara gently pried her fingers from the glass and set the liquor down onto the counter.

She failed again to connect their gazes.

“Do you really think that it was a mistake?”

Her friend remained silent.

Kara sighed, “You’re right, it was a lapse in judgement.”

Lena winced, drew back and shrank from the statement, the pain was evident on her face.

“But I didn’t regret it,” she added, taking her friend’s good hand into her own, “I only wish it could’ve been better. For us. Because you deserved more than…” she shook her head, “...whatever that was. Our feelings are mutual.”

Lena’s eyes widened a fraction and her heart skipped a beat.

“We can move on from this,” Kara continued, gently rubbing soothing circles on the back of Lena’s palm, “We can have a little bit of a fresh start you know. There’s this new fancy restaurant that opened, I heard their kale dishes were amazing.”

The worry ate at her the more the silence fleshed out.

“Hey.”

At this point she was almost begging for a reaction. Then she placed Lena’s hand on her own cheek.

“Hey,” she tried again, desperate, “Look at me.”

Kara stepped closer, invaded her personal space, lifted the woman’s chin up until their eyes finally connected.

“It’s me,” she murmured.

Lena’s emerald eyes blinked, seemingly just registered the familiar blue in front of her.

Her thumb stroked the strong cheekbone.

“It’s me, Lena,” Kara whispered.

Lena smiled, “I wasn’t quite sure, you used ‘kale’ and ‘awesome’ in the same sentence.”

They both chuckled, planted a chaste kiss upon each other’s lips.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

[briangroth27]

Logan Review

The first X-men film is one of the few movies I’ve seen in theaters more than once and the first time would've been unforgettable even if the movie hadn’t blown my 14-year old mind: a fight between two adults broke out during the movie and one guy got flipped over the other’s head! A little old lady usher came down the aisle armed with a flashlight, whisper-shouting “There are kids in here!” and kicked them out. The movie itself was—and is—awesome, bringing characters I’d loved since the early 90s animated series to life while taking place squarely in our (slightly heightened) world. Even without nostalgia, X-men is still one of my favorite superhero movies and kicked off my favorite comic book film franchise (even if it also counts my least favorite superhero film, X-men The Last Stand, among its ranks). Among its other achievements, X-men included the perfectly-cast Patrick Stewart as Professor X and unlikely newcomer Hugh Jackman (who didn’t have the role until Dougray Scott got injured on Mission: Impossible 2, delaying filming and necessitating his replacement), who became the iconic Wolverine for me while maintaining the things that made the comic character—one of my favorite X-men—great (even when scripts like X-men Origins failed to live up to both Logan and Jackman’s potential). Seventeen years later, Logan has been announced as Jackman and Stewart’s final turn in these roles, and both of them made the most out of their final X-cursion into this world. Unfortunately, I think the film as a whole boasts strong performances but could’ve gone deeper into areas it only touches on. Jackman, Stewart, and newcomer Dafnee Keen are all outstanding! Stewart playing a broken Xavier was hard to see, but he was brilliantly layered and vulnerable. Keen has a very bright future ahead of her: she doesn't speak at all for the first half of the movie and her expressiveness is amazing; she might have been my favorite part. Jackman is great and gives it his all, but my problem is that we've seen nearly all his plot points before. Logan dealt with massive loss in both his previous solo movies and The Wolverine left him learning to hope for all the promise and good his immortality could bring to the world rather than feeling cursed for outliving his loved ones (such an original take on immortality that I’m annoyed it wasn’t followed up on). In Days of Future Past, he seemed at peace with himself, even in the midst of the apocalypse. But Logan opens with everything horrible once more and makes him learn to form new connections all over again. The new factor—Logan as a father—wasn't explored as much as I hoped it would be. It's there enough for me to be invested and emotionally affected, but I wanted more of Logan and Laura interacting and learning about each other (and Logan teaching her to fight the animal inside as he had years earlier would’ve been a fine arc). Still, I liked the levity that was in the script and the family bonds between Logan, Xavier, and Laura that are there worked well.

The villains were pretty thin, though Pierce (Boyd Holbrook) had charisma and presence; ultimately they served their purpose and I didn’t feel like I needed any more from them. The evil plan that was killing mutants off and controlling evolution was fine as a background element and didn't need to be more than it was. Caliban’s (Stephen Merchant) inclusion as a helper to Logan and Xavier felt random (though there are plot reasons for his powers later), and I didn’t feel a connection to him; I preferred the much more memorable and distinctive way the character was portrayed in X-men Apocalypse. Logan’s action is brutal and intense, but I didn't need to see this level of violence; the fights in The Wolverine were enough to show his fury. That's not a knock against the film, just me saying I wasn't ever begging to see more beheadings. It's what would really happen with mutants whose primary weapons are claws, so I get it and wasn’t grossed out by it. The touches of a sci-fi future worked well and felt like organic components of the world. The directing is on point, moving the pacing along at a good clip. The plot points are repetitive, but the writing is good on the whole. Logan has heart and hope, so it never felt overly depressing, except the mostly unspoken backstory and one scene with very unlucky bystanders. I was worried when several reviews called out how somber this was that it would be dark for no reason but the belief that grimness is somehow inherently better than light, and I didn’t come away thinking that was the case. I liked the callbacks to previous films (noting that despite Days of Future Past, at least the first two X-films and The Wolverine still happened in some form), but I really hope this is relegated to its own universe as the franchise continues. (Light spoilers for the rest of this paragraph) The world is in shambles just 3-6 years after DOFP’s happy ending? What purpose does that serve? What purpose did the X-Men serve? I liked the in-world comics, but the team should have accomplished more than just inspiring fiction (particularly given their being a metaphor for minorities—what kind of message is it that none of their heroes can save the day?). Speaking of the comics, I wish Logan took the time to deal with Logan and the team’s apparent fame—only two characters recognize him as famous and he never comments on being famous (or more specifically on being a mutant in the spotlight), except to say life wasn’t like the comics. Even Laura, an X-fan, doesn’t seem to take his comic book portrayal into account at all when dealing with him. It seems like a big missed opportunity to explore a new facet to his existence, and perhaps a more meta take on Jackman’s time in the role. Ultimately I enjoyed this and was very satisfied with the performances, but felt the material the actors were working with could’ve been more original. Had this been the first solo adventure for Logan, it would’ve been fantastic…but after seven movies where he was a major focus, I wish Jackman's last adventure could've had him in a totally different place emotionally. Still, just because it’s not exactly the movie I wanted to see doesn’t mean it’s a bad movie by any means. Logan's a well-crafted film with great performances from its three leads and definitely worth seeing!

4/5

I'm going to miss Jackman and his Wolverine a lot, even if he did overshadow other favorite characters of mine from time to time. He always felt like he truly loved the character and gave 150% to each film. I've been a fan since the first X-film and can't imagine anyone else in the role…I just hope they leave Logan out of future films and not recast, exploring the other X-men instead and not lessening the impact of Jackman and Stewart’s exits. We already have James McAvoy doing a great version of young Xavier, but Stewart will be missed all the same. His Xavier (along with his Captain Picard) are iconic bits of my youth that can’t be replicated or replaced. As much as I think Logan’s swan song could've been improved in some ways script-wise, Jackman and Stewart’s excellent performances definitely made an impact on me, as they have for almost two decades now.

So, thank you to both Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart for bringing these iconic characters to life for 17 years. I’ll miss you in this franchise, but I can’t wait to see what you do next!

Major Spoilers... -X-23 not being a clone was a change I totally understand for the purposes of the film and it didn’t bother me.

-I'm glad Dr. Rice (Richard E. Grant) wasn't Mr. Sinister (like Apocalypse’s post-credit scene seemed to indicate), so they can use him in X-men 7 instead; he’d have been wasted here. Hey, maybe a way to bring Laura into the “present” of the X-films would be to say that Logan isn’t the first time they’ve tried to make her.

-Was Xavier’s first psychic seizure, wherein he killed seven people—presumably the X-men at the mansion at the time—the film’s version of Onslaught?

-Xavier's death was so heartbreakingly tragic! I’m sorry to see him go, but what a finale for Stewart! He was the perfect Xavier.

-The biggest disappointment for me (after Logan’s repetitive arc) was that we didn’t get closure and/or reappearances by Wolverine-centric characters like Mariko, Yukio, and Sabretooth (and even Anna Paquin’s Rogue, though she was in the comic book). Creed at least could've swapped in for Caliban and accomplished the tracking he did; it would’ve been interesting to see Jackman and Liev Schreiber continue to develop the Logan/Creed relationship (by far the best part of Origins), adding to the film’s examination of families.

-I'm not sure how I feel about X-24 (who looked freakishly like Liev Schreiber at times!), but he was effective as a brawler. I guess I was expecting the Reavers to be more effective with their enhancements. I like the idea of Logan fighting the animal inside himself, but I feel like that was a fight for a movie or two ago (when Sabretooth would've filled that role). 

-Even if the backstory was needlessly nihilistic (not only Logan but Xavier too is fated to destroy everything he’s built? Really?), I'm glad there was a happy ending of sorts…at least a sense that not all hope is lost.

-I feel like they could've done more with Logan's death...this made perfect sense, but it also felt like par for the course for where his life was (and had always been). He never really grew out of his life being constant pain, loss, and fighting; never improved his prospects, or even his outlook (in fact it only got worse up until the end) for very long. I don't feel like he grew very much at all over these movies, since the time between this and previous films worked to erase the family he'd forged with the X-men in 1-DOFP and the peace he'd found in The Wolverine. I suppose this is paralleled with the Shane quotes about man not changing, but I wasn't fully satisfied with what this film did to his journey over the franchise. I’m much more emotionally affected by his and Xavier’s deaths than by the events that led to them. Of all the X-men, Logan has the most potential to change for the better (given he has arguably the darkest backstory), and that was squandered by making him go over the same lessons again…how many times can you break him down and watch him build himself up again?

-I teared up when Laura called Logan "daddy." That was heartbreaking.

-I knew they were going to make the cross an X and loved that they did.

-I would definitely be down for continuing the Wolverine series with Laura as the all-new lead!

[nicolenguyenlifespan-blog]

Profile

Nicole was born in San Jose, California, on September 10, 1994. She was Myna and Greg’s first child. Determined to raise her well, her parents showered her with love and attention whenever they were able to. Throughout her years as a toddler, she spent time playing endlessly with her mom and cousins. Since her parents were each the youngest of seven to eight siblings, Nicole had many cousins her age to play with. Additionally, being the newest addition of the younger generation of her parents’ families, her aunts and uncles were always thrilled to hold her and play with her.

 Things changed a few years later, when Nicole’s parents decided to have another child—Nicole was now an older sister. She had mixed feelings about this as a three year old, but overall, she was upset that she was no longer the center of attention. To make matters worse, it was time for her to start preschool. She feared being alone and couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that maybe her mom wouldn’t come back to pick her up after school. Maybe her mom would abandon her forever. The first few months were difficult for her. In fact, her teachers suggested to her parents that they try preschool next year. Despite their advice, her parents kept her in preschool. To their relief, things got better after a few months.

 After preschool, Nicole’s family moved to San Ramon, where they settled down so Nicole and her brother could continue with school. San Ramon was a newly developed area with a promising school system. Her parents were determined to ensure that she got an education that would carry her through her future career. Despite always being one of the youngest in her classes, Nicole excelled in elementary and middle school. Her teachers were consistently impressed by her “old, wise soul” and maturity. These comments only served as positive reinforcement to Nicole’s developing personality. She strived to be mature, wise, and smart. Little did she know, these skills would carry her far in life.

 Nicole’s parents wanted her to have a balanced life style, so they signed her up for the swim team against her will. Nicole dreaded team practice and meets because she felt insecure about her ability to swim. Her parents thought it was a valuable life skill and great exercise, but Nicole did everything she could to get out of going to swim practice. As she got better and made more friends on the team, she wasn’t as resistant about going, but did not truly enjoy it. A few years after she joined, she quit and joined a soccer team instead. Her best friend played soccer as well, but she was not able to join the same team because she was a young September baby and missed the age cut off. Though she was not great at soccer at first, she thoroughly enjoyed it and couldn’t wait to go to practice to learn new skills. She ended up playing soccer until high school.

 High school years were a time of inner turmoil for Nicole. A few of her close friends from elementary school had moved away. She couldn’t help but imagine what things would have been like if they had stayed. It wasn’t her place to resent them for leaving because she knew that moving wasn’t their choice. She knew that they would have stayed if they had the choice. This didn’t mean that Nicole did not have friends in high school. She had many friends—in fact, she was able to call at least five of them her best friends.

 Still, Nicole wasn’t truly happy. She wasn’t sure what had happened or how she had gotten there, but suddenly, she felt like she had trapped herself in a dark place. To hide this, she became obsessed with the idea of maintaining a façade of perfection. Nicole spent an incredible amount of time making sure her hair, makeup, nails, and outfits were perfect. She became very shallow and obsessed with her appearance; her hobby was to go shopping so she could stay on top of the latest trends. She was also a high achieving student, constantly taking challenging courses and studying day and night to get A’s; however, this did not mean that she didn’t have a social life. She was trying to do it all…but internally, she felt broken.

 Unable to admit to anyone that she was emotionally and psychologically struggling, she hid her demons and punished herself by restricting food. Every night, she wished that she would whither away. In the morning, she would find a way to skip school or go to school late so she could lie in bed crying, contemplating her life. Yet, no one expected this from her: she had many friends, boys liked her, she was a straight A student even though she was taking many honors/AP courses, and she looked happy on the outside. She didn’t know how it happened, but she knew it was happening.

 She was secretly broken all through senior year, went to senior prom in a beautiful fairy-like dress with the boy she liked, and was admitted into UC Berkeley. Little did she know, her life would change when she got to Cal. On the first day of school, she met a boy who she quickly fell in love with. They have been together for almost five years and counting! Her boyfriend, Jonathan, saw past her façade and could tell that she was struggling. In 2013, Nicole’s mother fell ill and had a rough recovery. Later, Nicole discovered that she was also susceptible to one day becoming ill like her mom. Though Nicole’s mom eventually fully recovered, Nicole lived in fear that one day, that would be her fate as well. Over the past few years, Jonathan taught her how to love herself and helped her out of the abyss that she had dug for herself. They went to their graduation ceremony together last year—a day that neither of them thought that they would ever get to see. She graduated with a B.A. in molecular and cell biology and is currently working towards applying to school to get her B.S. in nursing. After becoming an R.N., she plans to reunite with her boyfriend, who will be in law school.

My life through the lens of Developmental Psychology Theories

Much of my life development has been shaped by normative age-graded influences, which are experiences or occurrences that are typical for certain age groups (Santrock, 2015). Going to preschool for the first time was hard for me due to the fact that family members constantly spoiled me with attention. Going to preschool was a normal experience—all children must eventually leave their parents and enter a room full of strangers for a few hours. Psychologically, I was not used to being alone for extended periods of times. By alone, in this context, I mean having familiar faces out of sight. I was also a small child, and being younger than many of the children, I often felt too young to play with them or fearful that I would get hurt when they were playing roughly on the playground.

 In high school, my anxiety and depression-fueled eating disorder can also be traced back to normative age-graded influences (Santrock, 2015). At that age, I was going through puberty, which inevitably caused changes to my hormone levels and body. Every teen goes through hormonal and body changes during puberty, but some teens can handle it emotionally better than others. I believe that I was ill equipped to handle these changes because I was determined to be the perfect older sister: I wanted to be smart, have a great social life, and I wanted to be pretty. What teenager doesn’t? My friends were also pretty and excelled at school, so I felt like I could not be anything less. My desperation for perfection was just so intense that I needed an outlet for my anxiety and stress. On the inside, I was burned out from putting on a façade of perfection. Additionally, our culture undeniably places thin, beautiful, smart women on a pedestal. Weight-loss tips and diet plans permeated every magazine issue of Teen Vogue and Seventeen that I had. Because of this, I felt my desire to lose weight was only normal; however, what was not normal, was the fact that I was a thin person who wanted to lose weight by unhealthy means. In our culture, eating disorders were normalized: people in school, online, and on TV often joked about it. Among my peers, being anorexic became synonymous with being on a diet.

  When I found out that my mom and I both had a rare genetic disease, I could not help but feel angry at this nonnormative life event (Santrock, 2015). I constantly asked myself what the chances were that we would have this disease and spent many nights wondering, “Why me? Why us?” I felt afraid for the future, as it was unknown what my fate would be. I stayed up a night wondering if I would have children in the future. What if I passed my disease on to them too? Needless to say, it was an emotional stressor that I did not want to talk about with anyone other than my boyfriend, who was incredibly supportive about the situation. My mom, who spends a lot of time studying the Bible, reminded me that God has a plan for each one of us. After some time, I was able to find peace and grounded myself by trusting in God.

 My resiliency essentially saved my life: as morbid as it sounds, I could have ended my life years ago. Yet, there was something in my heart that told me to keep pushing forward. During my senior year, I was taking five AP courses and one honors course…all while battling crippling depression and anxiety. Though things got incredibly difficult, I wanted to be able to build a better future for myself. I knew that my hard work would eventually pay off, even if I never got out of my depressive state. I believe that the dark years of high school and saddening news in college were only learning experiences. Because my resiliency, I have learned how to better cope with my anxiety and stress.