#because i used that song as a memorial to scamp a few years back

[patrickztump]

Fob asks: joy, rat a tat, get busy, your fav song off one of the eps, and your fav two songs off both mania and stardust! =)

• Just One Yesterday+ What did you do yesterday? yesterday was eclipse day for us, so watched it! we were in the 80% coverage range, of course we did have cloud coverage right at the peak, classic. finally getting around to editing the photos, so will share in another post :)

i've also been having computer issues and i am ready to bite the bullet and have it fixed, but i need to find out who can fix it before wiping it clean. so was at best buy for a short period of time looking for guidance, didn't get any (person one basically pushed us to talking to a different repair shop, person two wanted to sell me a new computer). then came home and tried to finish up a fob art i've been working on, but it's on the computer with issues, so it crashed <3

• Rat A Tat+ Favorite time of day? kind of depends on the time of year and what i'm doing / who i'm with. but on average, sunset.

• Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)+ What do you want to do before you die? Do you have a bucket list? i used to have a bucket list, like visit every hard rock cafe in the states was on it, at this point i just want a life that i can look back on and be proud of. have as little regrets as possible (because i definitely still will have some).

• Lake Effect Kid+ Have you ever been to Chicago? i went with your addition of this one because i haven't heard the original demo(?) of this song. but to answer the question, no. the furthest i've gone into the midwest is indianapolis, indiana.

• Heaven’s Gate+ Have you ever snuck into/helped sneak your friends into something? i can't think of a time off the top of my head, but if either of us did it was something minor, we were all good kids and teens, which has transferred into adulthood as well lol

• Bishops Knife Trick+ Are you nostalgic for any time in your past? Is there any song in particular that reminds you of a specific moment you miss? oh all the time. i am the embodiment of nostalgia, i think about the good times of yesteryear and how i can make sure present day will have the same impact on future me.

as for songs, ironically "bishops knife trick" is one that brings heavy waves of nostalgia. i've told the story before, so won't tell it again. another song is daniel powder's "bad day," that one takes me back to my childhood. it was played heavily when it came out and i seemed to always hear it at school when my teacher would play the radio at the end of the day and bus numbers were being called (i also missed my bus a few times because of this lol).

• The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)+ What’s something you loved ten years ago? i almost did "heaven, iowa" for this slot because this song is so hard to listen to because of all the feelings and memories it invokes in me are so bittersweet it's borderline painful to listen to. i actually have a draft where i discussed how it makes me feel and... yeah.

anyways, the question: there was so much i loved ten years ago. just how everything felt back then. it was so much more carefree and was exciting. things can still be exciting today, but something just feels bleak at times. ten years ago was the last year of scamp's life, and when he passed it was like the official end of my childhood, which in a way it was. i was officially and adult and the anchor to my adolescence was now gone.

• So Much (For) Stardust+ Do you like stargazing? Can you name any constellations while looking at the sky? i do enjoy it! but i only can name the dippers lol. i still have the telescope i got as a kid but haven't used it in years. when i got into photography i tried to do long exposure shots of the stars to get light trails, didn't workout well because i was not in an area of absolute darkness.

[themanicmagician]

Unravel - Jeam Ficlet

[AO3] Summary: Seam keeps falling apart, to Jevil’s increasing exasperation.

Seam poured out two cups of tea and set them on his desk. Jevil would be at his door any moment now, to go over their plans for next week. Little Prince Lancer’s birthday was fast approaching, and the royal scamp expected to not just be entertained, but dazzled by the joint performance of the court jester and magician. Seam picked up the scrap of parchment he’d been using to jot down his ideas. His best one so far was to have Jevil’s carousel creatures balance atop balls of his yarn. Was that too predictable? Had they done something similar before? His brows creased as he searched his memory.

Then, his button eye squeezed out of his scrunched socket. The connection to his magic fizzled, and then his world went dark.

“Shit.” Ears pricked, he heard the button roll off the table, and then onto the carpet, where the plush fabric unhelpfully quieted its movements.

Muttering more swears, Seam picked his way carefully around his desk. He crouched low, hands hunting around the floor. He’d felt his button eye (he used to have two, but the second fell off somewhere years ago) becoming loose the past couple days, but he’d ignored the sensation of his body unraveling. It happened more often now that he was older, and he was weary of the dull ache that accompanied stitching his body back together. He growled, annoyed, as his search of the area around the desk brought up nothing.

He went to stand, but without his sight, he misjudged his proximity to his desk and knocked his head against it. Seam heard tea slosh, and then he was wiping the hot liquid off his face. This was not his day.

“Oh my! What a chaotic scene I’ve entered.”

Of course, now he showed up.

“Jevil.” He gestured helplessly to the room around him. “Do you see my eye anywhere?”

“Yes.”

“…Well?”

“Well what?” Jevil giggled impishly.

“Won’t you tell me where it is?”

“Oh, where’s the fun in that?” Jevil did take a small measure of pity on him, though, because he added, “You’re fairly frigid at the moment.”

Seam pushed off from the desk and cautiously stepped forward, hands warily in front of him.

“Getting warmer~” Jevil sing-songed.

“I hate you.” Seam grumped, but there was no real heat in it. This was just another in their never-ending series of games.

He was beside the couch now. Seam let his hand slide along the cushions as he inched past it, really not looking to bang his knees on its wooden legs.

Jevil called out more hints, and Seam abruptly realized that the jester was just guiding him ever closer towards him. Did Jevil seriously just walk in and pick the button up to watch him fumble across the room?

Yes. Of course he did.

“Searing hot.” Jevil’s breath blew on his face. It smelled of the bowl of candy corn he’d eaten at lunch. “Well done.”

Then small, dexterous hands were tilting Seam’s head down. He felt the playful buzz of Jevil’s magic, and then his sight returned. Seam traced a cautious paw over the returned button. Jevil’s magic had sewn it back on flawlessly, painlessly. He blinked rapidly. It was attached better than ever.

Confident in the full restoration of his sight, Seam returned to his desk. Jevil trailed after. Seam picked up the tea cup that he’d knocked off, and mourned the tea that was now steadily soaking into the carpet.

Jevil prodded his side. “What, no thank you for my assistance?”

“Oh, right. Thanks. Here, come claim your reward.”

Jevil grinned, closing his eyes and leaning in for a kiss. Seam picked up the other cup of tea, and spilled it over Jevil’s head.

Jevil squealed and rushed off to clean his hat before a stain set. Seam chuckled quietly to himself, and went to put the kettle back on.

~*~

Their show was a success, of course. Jevil’s enthusiastic bedlam, accompanied by Seam’s finesse, always made for a fine display. Still, Seam was rather pleased with today’s performance in particular, and the birthday boy clapped louder than any of them. Once Lancer had his fill of magics and tricks for the afternoon, Seam and Jevil were free to meander about the party.

Using magic always left Seam peckish, and Jevil, puckish. And so, they split off, Jevil to entertain the nobles, and Seam, to help himself to the buffet. The spread laid out was suitably extravagant, considering the occasion. Seam piled a heap of shrimp onto his plate, along with slices of roasted chicken that were resting in a delicious-smelling pink sauce. He claimed a small table for himself, and sat back to observe the celebration.

Lancer had received his present from his father earlier in the day, and proudly rode his tricycle up and down the ballroom. The four kings were all present, and engaged in what looked to be amicable discussion at the table of honor. And it wasn’t hard to spot Jevil, his pealing laughter easily drawing Seam’s attention. Jevil was entertaining a few members of the court with simple card tricks, his tail bouncing with energy. Seam admired his counterpart’s endless enthusiasm for entertainment, and, not for the first time, wished he could muster up the same level of energy. Jevil was the only one who truly understood and shared in his need to distract the darkners from their gloomy reality; the need to entertain was what drove them, what kept them going.

Seam ate at a leisurely pace. Every now and then someone drifted over to praise the show, which he accepted with a grace won from experience. Seam ultimately meandered back to the buffet table, and helped himself to a cup of punch. He nearly dropped his cup as Jevil appeared right behind him.

“Missing something?”

Seam regarded him. “Are you fishing for a compliment?”

But Jevil didn’t rise to banter back as he usually would. There was a downturn to his lips. Something was off. Jevil reached behind Seam’s ear and produced a coin. He pressed it into Seam’s paw. Seam looked it over; it was double-sided, showing Jevil’s tail on both faces of the coin.

“Two more than you have, and equal to my collection.”

“…What?”

Jevil huffed, rolling his eyes. He raised his tail. It was coiled around Seam’s own severed one.

What? When had it detached? Seam felt around, and yeah, Jevil wasn’t pranking him. He’d lost his tail. Was probably trailing cotton everywhere, too.

“The prince was about to tie it to his bike handle as a streamer.” There was a peculiar edge to Jevil’s tone. His usual playfulness sounded strained. “You need to pay more attention.”

“Thanks.” Seam grasped for his tail, but Jevil’s own tail twitched back, pulling it out of reach. Jevil circled him and reapplied the appendage himself. Then, Jevil gave him a playful swat on the rear.

“Oi! Not here.” Seam hissed, flustered.

Jevil just winked.

~*~

The Knight unnerved him. He slithered forward from the darkness to the kings’ court. Out of his cracked mouth poured promises like tar, heavy and thick. He took the King of Spades behind a closed door and they spoke for hours. Every day, the king spent a little longer with the Knight. Every day, the king’s mood became darker, yet darker.

Jevil was fascinated by the Knight, for he was so different and outlandish, as if not from their world at all. The court jester kept entreating the Knight to speak with him, but the stranger brushed him off in favor of the king’s ear. Seam hoped, for Jevil’s sake, the jester grew bored of his unwilling quarry and moved on. Some conversations were best left unspoken.

“Stop that.”

Seam was jarred from his dour thoughts as Jevil swatted his paw. He’d nearly forgotten Jevil was here with him now, cuddled up on the couch of their shared office in Card Castle. Seam had been picking anxiously at the fraying threads that wove his forearm to his wrist. He’d loosened the threads to the point that his left hand was limp, and two tenuous strands of string away from being disconnected.

Jevil knocked his hand aside, and worked on reattaching the nearly-severed wrist. Glittering strings appeared in one palm, a needle in the other. Jevil deftly threaded the eye of the needle.

“Sorry.” Seam half-shrugged. “Claws, you know?”

The needle slid easily through Seam’s fabric, in and out. Seam never realized before how much easier wrist reattachment was when you didn’t have to do it one-handed.

“Honestly.” Jevil said as he finished up. He pulled the remaining string taut, and cut the fine thread apart with his knifelike teeth. “You’d fall to pieces without me.”

Jevil patted his arm, and Seam obligingly rolled his wrist. His work done, Jevil pressed back into his side, burying his face against Seam’s shoulder.

“Yes, I’d hate to deprive you of your pillow.” Seam remarked, wry.

“Fool.”

They both looked up at the third voice. The Knight loomed in the doorway, his aura sending a chill through Seam’s cotton. The Knight’s hands beckoned Jevil to their clutches.

“I will speak with you, now.”

[eldritchsurveys]

974.

ACH

Do you listen to anything by Bach?  >> I have heard some of his music, but I don’t have anything of his added to my Liked Songs on Spotify or anything.

ASH

Do you like ash trees? >> I had to look up which trees are ash trees, tbh. I recognised white ash immediately -- there are a lot of those on the East Coast. I like trees in general, so sure, I like ash trees well enough.

Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet?  >> No.

How often do you feel like you want to bash your head against a wall?  >> I usually feel like that when I’m in a shame spiral or having an overload meltdown. I try my best not to do it, though; it’s not a good habit, even if it feels good in the moment.

Has anyone ever thrown you a big birthday bash?  >> Nope.

Do you know anyone who is brash?  >> Not at this time of my life.

Do you typically carry cash or a credit/debit card?  >> I carry a debit card. I rarely have cash on hand.

Have you ever crashed someone else’s party before?  >> No, that doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy doing.

Have you ever been involved in a car crash?  >> No.

Do you use Door Dash?  >> This is funny because Sparrow, who is on her teletherapy call, just mentioned Doordash a literal few seconds before I got to this question lol. Anyway, yeah, we use Doordash sometimes.

How often do you use a dash in your writing?  >> I use dashes to the point of madness, tbh. I love dashes.

Last place you made a mad dash to?  >> I don’t remember.

Do you make it a habit to flash people?  >> Absolutely not.

Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera?  >> I rarely use flash, it always makes photos look terribly washed out and unnatural and just bad. I’ll futz around with the lighting in an area or just wait until broad daylight before I use flash.

Is the Flash one of your favorite superheroes?  >> No.

Do you use the phrase “I’ll be back in a flash”?  >> I’ve never said that.

Have you ever had a gash in your head before? Anywhere else on your body? >> I’ve had a gash on my face before, and I’ve had plenty of them on my body because I was a chronic self-injurer.

Do you like hash browns?  >> I do.

Do you do hash?  >> No.

How often do you use hash tags?  >> I don’t use hashtags because I don’t use twitter or any site like that. Tumblr doesn’t really use them like that.

Do you have long eyelashes?  >> I don’t think they’re any longer than average.

How often do you lash out at others? For what reasons?  >> Not often, now, because I’m not usually forced to be around other people when I’m struggling. If I’m in sensory overload or am mentally tired, I usually can just go to my room and chill. But there have been times in recent memory when I’ve been in an unfamiliar city on vacation or something and I didn’t have that space to just go and decompress, and I’ve lashed out at people.

Do you like mashed potatoes?  >> I don’t. Smashed potatoes are all right, I suppose, but I’d still rather have a roasted or fried potato.

Do you typically gnash your teeth together?  >> No. I catch myself clenching my jaw sometimes, probably a stress response or just holding tension in the body. But I don’t gnash my teeth.

Do you know someone who speaks balderdash?  >> No?

What color is the backsplash of your kitchen? >> It’s just white.

Have you ever had any rashes before? What kinds?  >> Yeah, I had ringworm as a child and I vaguely remember having hives once. In summer as an adolescent I used to get like a heatrash on the back of my neck. In recent years I’ve developed something that -- thanks to some fancy googling -- I learned is called lichen nitidus, which is apparently benign but can be annoying when it flares up.

Do you typically make rash decisions?  >> Not typically. But it happens sometimes.

Have you ever worn a sash before? >> I don’t think so.

Do you often find that your personality clashes with others’ around you? >> I don’t think so. I mean, sometimes I feel that way, but I could be exaggerating people’s responses to me out of just... you know, past history haunting me or whatever. I think most of the time my interactions with others are more unremarkable than anything else. There are definitely people I clash with, but it’s usually not too dramatic of an experience.

Whose tires would you like to slash?  >> No one’s.

Who would you like to smash with?  >> No one.

What was the last thing you smashed out of anger?  >> I don’t remember the last time I did that, thankfully. It used to be a bigger problem when I was younger, but I’m slowly learning other, less destructive coping mechanisms. 

Do you have a secret stash of something hidden anywhere?  >> No.

How often do you take out the trash?  >> Every couple of days or so.

Has anyone ever told you that you look like trash? >> Probably.

Do you like to splash in the pool, the bathtub, or in puddles?  >> No.

Have you ever thrashed violently before? What was the cause?  >> Yeah. I was having a drug-induced episode. There are probably other times, too, especially when I was younger, but I don’t remember any right now.

Do you own and use an eyelash curler?  >> No.

Have you ever experienced backlash from others?  >> I mean, sure.

Have you ever had whiplash before?  >> No.

ATH

Do you prefer a shower or a bath?  >> Shower, I never use baths.

Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before?  >> No.

How good are you at math?  >> Any basic maths I can do just fine. I don’t study any complex forms of mathematics, so of course I can’t do those.

Do you feel like your life is on the right path?  >> It’s on whatever path it’s on.

Are there any bike paths or footpaths in your area?  >> Yeah.

Have you ever gone on the warpath before?  >> I don’t think so.

Is there a birdbath in your yard?  >> No yard.

Have you ever had a footbath before?  >> Yeah.

What’s the last thing you’ve had to deal with the aftermath of?  >> I’m not sure.

Have you ever witnessed a bloodbath?  >> No.

Are you a sociopath or a psychopath? Do you know anyone who might be?  >> I’m not, no. I know people who have been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

Who’s the last person that you faced the wrath of?  >> I don’t remember.

AMP

Do you have an instrument that you plug into an amp?  >> No.

When’s the last time you felt amped up? What was the reason?  >> I don’t remember. That’s not a common mood for me.

Have you ever gone to day camp or overnight sleepaway camp?  >> Yeah, I went to day camp a couple of times and I went to sleepaway church camp once as a teenager. I’ve been to several sleepaway camps as an adult, too. Those were way more fun.

When’s the last time you felt like a champ?  >> ???

Last time it was damp where you lived?  >> I don’t remember. We did have frost this morning, though? Way too early, in my opinion, but whatever.

Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp?  >> I don’t think I’ve had any weird cramps. Just regular charley horses and such.

Do you refer to your grandfather as “Gramps”?  >> ---

Have you ever worn a headlamp before?  >> No.

Do you have a ramp anywhere in your house? >> No.

Has anyone ever called you “scamp” before?  >> No.

How many lamps are in the room you’re in? >> Three, but only one is on right now.

Do you stamp your feet when you are angry?  >> No.

Last time you used a postage stamp?  >> Probably when I sent out Christmas cards to internet buddies a couple of years back. I might do it again this year... people could probably use the extra cheer after this hell year.

Are there streetlamps on your street? What time do they turn on?  >> I live in a complex, and there are lamps on the garages and a few on the drives through the complex.

Last place/area that you wanted to revamp?  >> My room -- well, mostly I wanted to clean it and put some stuff in different places and stuff. So I did.

Do you know anyone who is a tramp?  >> No.

Have you seen Lady and the Tramp before?  >> No.

Do you know anyone with a “tramp stamp”?  >> No. If I knew someone with a lower back tattoo, I wouldn’t call it a tramp stamp anyway, because it sounds disrespectful.

AWK/AULK/ALK

Is the squawk of certain birds annoying? Which ones? >> Sure. I don’t know what birds make what noises, though. I think bluejays probably make one of the obnoxious squawks.

Do you prefer hawks or falcons? And…why?  >> I don’t have a preference between the two.

Has anyone ever watched you like a hawk before?  >> Probably. Unfortunately.

What was the last thing you used caulk on?  >> I’ve never used caulk. That sounds like something a homeowner would use, heh.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[sussex-nature-lover]

Friday 15th May 2020

Squirrels!!!

The last few days the new Butlers (collective nickname for Squirrels based on the old TV sit com On The Buses catchphrase ‘I ‘ate You Butler’) have been such a handful and are predicted to become even more of one as they grow.

Our various methods of scaring the adults away from the bird food are reasonably successful so long as we vary our technique frequently and stay alert At All Times. The thing about Butlers is that they never, ever tire and they don’t give up.

Yesterday one of the new little ones ran off with a banana skin that I’d laid out under a rose bush, you’d have thought it was a real prize. Unfortunately I wiped the memory card without downloading the photo. Am a bit cut up about that. You’ll just have to take it from me.

We thought the new crop was Double Trouble

But I can confirm there are actually four of the scamps

and they really are tiny - must weigh next to nothing...for now

Sometimes they employ special methods to keep the seed all for themselves, or they just chill out in the heat.

But you can easily catch them looking either guilty, or clearly plotting something and the thing about the new ones is that they’re not bothered about us in the slightest. Yesterday one was on the window sill by the kitchen sink looking in. When the better weather comes we’re going to have to be on our guard, or they’ll be in raiding our larder cupboard. Their ancestors have form in oh so many ways

How on earth this one managed to climb up the side of the open patio door is totally beyond me. The glazing bars are within the sealed double glazed units, which often confuses the little birds who try to land and find nothing there but a clear sheet of glass.

We took the window feeder down in the end as the bigger squirrels’ weight would dislodge it and it became a problem. Shame for the birds who miss out, but there it is. Sometimes you get so tired of shouting and leaping up and down.

The weather is better today as it happens (and as forecast) The daily Song Thrush reveille call was 04.12am and because I was awake any way I had a look out. Joe Rook was sat there again, roosting comfy as an old shoe on ‘Italy’ Seriously, just relaxing there looking around the garden. Joe has turned into such a character, very identifiable by the way he walks and his demeanour. My other half said this morning that he’s a Hipster, but I think he’s like a laid back little old man, so we’re at opposite ends of the spectrum on that one. He’s definitely not cool, he’s seen it all before and our seed and fat ball feeders are his friendly local or his corner café.

The accompaniment to our first tea in bed was ‘Crows Road’ in the woods revving up like crazy. There must be babies now as not only are they a noisy rabble but wings are going up and down at speed too. They’ve been here a few years now, not at all easy on the ears but I have a kind of soft spot for them nontheless. Just as well really as they’re not going anywhere any time soon.

NEST BOX WATCH:

House Sparrows also revving up. Surely can’t be long before they fledge.

No signs of any activity from the Chimney box that seemed to have Blue Tit action.

Sorry if I’ve missed any typos

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week thirty-three

brief reviews of the songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 23 august 1997, 25 august 2007, and 26 august 2017

8.23.1997

25) "You Make Me Wanna..." by Usher

It's at once extremely difficult and painfully easy to stand out amongst the sea of R&B dudes. It's difficult because there's so many, but easy because, on some level, all the other R&B dudes are singing about devotion. They're either pledging eternal love or pledging eternal love on the condition that their intended return, either way, they are saying you're the one, you're absolutely the only person. Usher isn't even going to say he's going to leave his current girl for you. He's saying he wants to, but he's not saying that he's going to start that new relationship, he just really wants to, he wants to ditch this girl for the person he should have been with all along. It's one of the greatest songs about indecision ever made, well deserving of its place in the cultural consciousness.

58) "Hole in My Soul," by Aerosmith

Imagine the look on Steven Tyler's face when he realized hole rhymed with soul. "We can write so many songs now!" I like to think he exclaimed to his other, equally excited band members. "This changes everything!" I dunno, you're asking me to write about a song Aerosmith made at least five years past their prime and 20 years later. Like, I'm not gonna find gold in this swamp just 'cuz I brought a pan to it, y'know?

67) "After 12, Before 6," by Sam Salter

This is an okay song about fucking, but how many horny-ass R&B songs have we heard out of 1997? Like, just by making a song touching on infidelity in a novel and fun way, Usher makes his song more memorable than this synthy ballad of many runs. (Another point in "You Make Me Wanna..."s favor: whoever played guitar on that song did a stellar job.) Like, why would I wanna hear another slow jamz after "You Make Me Wanna..."? What is the utility of this decades-old song about schtuppin'? Hello hi it is 3 AM on a Wednesday I am behind on everything I got a super late start on this post I've barely started the Fall Out Boy post and I wasted ten minutes I don't have trying to wrap my mind grapes around this song.

76) "Have a Little Mercy," by 4.0

how come in songs like this from a group of r&b dudes every member of the group is singing in the first person. like shouldn't the other three dudes say "you should take him back," or am i supposed to believe that all four of these men are spurned lovers who are simultaneously making their pitch. "heck are these other three girls doing here?" "efficiency. our plea will not work unless we are harmonizing." like i wouldn't take any of these dudes back simply because none of them made me feel special.

77) "Supernatural," by Wild Orchid

We have brought up in YAS the idea that, if we didn't know who Fergie was, we would not mind her songs at all, but because they come with the Fergie package, we are annoyed by them, consider them horrible, awful things. I can now introduce ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE to the trial, which is the best kind of evidence IMHO. Wild Orchid had a song in the Top 20 for a little bit. Because I encountered "Talk to Me" in one of those periods where I don't feel like "learning" anything about the thing I'm gonna talk about, I didn't look up who the individual members of Wild Orchid were. TURNS OUT, WHEN I DION'T KNOW FERGIE WAS INVOLVED IN A PROJECT, I ENJOY THE RESULTS OF THE PROJECT A LIL' BIT. This isn't quite as fun as "Talk to Me," and I'm a little disappointed this isn't the '60s jam the first few seconds of the video led me to believe it was going to be, but it's a fun '90s pop/r&b ditty, and also that key change.

91) "Stranger in Moscow," by Michael Jackson

So we're all in agreement that Michael Jackson made a lot of great songs and was probably a pedophile, right? I dunno. Like, he's dead, so listening to his music probably won't hurt anyone, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'll be able to say anything of value regarding this song, because I'm either going to ignore the fact he was probably a pedophile or make a dumb joke about a sensitive topic, I dunno, this item on the list is like a treasure map with no Xs. I'm not about to dig in a billion places just to find one nugget.

92) "Free," by Ultra Nate

All dance music sounds more or less the same to me, yet I somehow mind this a lot less than the rest of the dance cohort. I guess I just think it makes sense to build a dance track around the line "you're free to do what you want to do." Like, yeah, that's a sentiment worth dancing to, I can do what I want, and that includes the hully-gully and other fashionable dances.

8.25.2007

22) "Ayo Technology," 50 Cent ft./Timbaland & Justin Timberlake

"We need a hook for this song. We have the biggest stars in music, the hottest producer on the track doing his usual thing, we just need that hook, something that people will SCREAM in the clubs!" What if we have J Timbies complain about technology? "...Hm. OK. OK. Tell me, I can't remember Fifty's ver -- sorry, Fiddy's verses, but does he mention technology at all?" Nah. "So J Timbies is going to complain about technology..." Just because. "Well should we add any references to technology to the song at all?" Nah. "I LOVE IT! Hit 'em with the suckerpunch! Gentlemen, and you are all gentlemen because this is 2007, we've done it! Another hit which will last in the public consciousness forever! Let us enjoy rich people drinks, like scotch probably!"

45) "If You're Reading This," Tim McGraw

this is boring and we don't talk enough about how tim mcgraw and josh groban at some point became the same entity

56) "The Pretender," Foo Fighters

Rock might be the one genre where "they just don't make songs like this anymore" is an actual statement worth making. Like when's the last time we heard a rock band attack a song like Foo Fighter does here? Even the latest Foo Fighters song felt perfunctory, like rock for the sake of making rock music in 2017, and not for the sake of making something cool and rebellious. And that's not to say there isn't great pure rock being made outside of the mainstream (shout out to Sheer Mag!), but the rock music that's trying to break into the mainstream either feels stale or is Imagine Dragons. Nothing feels even a tenth as dangerous as the first half-minute of the song, where things feel too quiet, where you know Foo Fighters isn't releasing one of their acoustic songs as a single and are waiting for something to happen to fuck you up. Rock in the mainstream doesn't have that danger anymore, and even this song, I'm describing a wait for something you know is gonna happen, not an anticipation of anything that could happen. I enjoy this song, is what I tried and failed to say in the rest of this passage. We're comin' up on 3:45 and I'm only vaguely aware where I am right now because I so rarely leave my apartment.

65) "S.O.S.," Jonas Brothers

These delightful little scamps made a whole bunch of adorable, enjoyable pop/rock music that isn't really worth any sort of deep analytical plunge! I still don't understand how one of these kids ended up making "Chains." Like, I get that Nick Jonas wanted to shed that Disney image, but he didn't need to prance around shirtless like a gigolo just so he could seem more "adult." (Bob are you trying to comment on how we treat male pop stars as opposed to female pop stars?) I'm just saying, I would respect Nick Jonas a lot more if it seemed like he respected himself. I don't think it's very meninist to try to sell sex, y'know? (Bob don't post this.) WATCH ME

74) "International Players Anthem (I Choose You)," U.G.K. ft./OutKast

This song is a miracle we don't deserve. "So I typed a text to a girl I used to see/Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be/And I apologize if this message gets you down/Then I CC'd every girl that I'd see see round town" This song STARTS with those lines. And like Dre's verse obviously gets attention, but gosh, the way the beat is pared down to just the drum and bass when Big Boi begins his verse and the whole song goes quiet as a mouse as he says what he needs to say, it's so good. This song is so good, it's worth forgiving the minor homophobic slur tossed out by Pimp C. Like, aside from that one small unfortunate misstep, this song is absolutely perfect, peak OutKast, almost peak Southern rap, it's SO GOOD! It's so good, man. Hold on tight to the memory of this song, stormy waters ahead.

93) "I Got it from My Mama," will.i.am

"Be a good girl and thank your mama/She made you steamin' like a sauna." BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP "Hello, my daughter!" "Hi, Mom!" "To what do I owe this call on this lovely Tuesday morning?" "I just wanted to say thank you." "Aw! Sweetie! You just made my day!" "Yeah will.i.am wants to fuck me because of how you made me so hot." Who on earth okayed this song. Who heard this and said, "okay." Your reaction to this song should not be "okay."

94) "Over You," Daughtry

One of my favorite things on the World Wide Web (aka, The Infonet) is "How You Remind Me of Someday," which plays one Nickelback song in one ear and a different Nickelback song in the other to show how Nickelback uses the same chord progressions and drum fills in two songs they said were different. There is a video that no longer exists, likely because Vote for the Worst no longer exists (I think they made it), which played this song and Nickelback's "Photograph" side by side to similar results. What I'm trying to say is, rock died despite Foo Fighters' best efforts and now we all have to listen to Imagine Dragons because Daughtry couldn't be bothered to try harder.

99) "Wake up Call," Maroon 5

Like all Maroon 5 songs, this is acceptable.

26 August 2017

70) "The Race," by Tay-K

This was certainly a freestyle. I feel like I'm missing something here, like there's some reason this song charted beyond my limited scope. A lot of the search results on YouTube brought up Lil Yachty, so maybe there's a remix of the freestyle, but I honestly don't give enough of a shit to contend with Lil Yachty after Billboard said I wouldn't have to. I hope he's set free or whatever assuming he's innocent of whatever people claimed he did or that he’s served enough time for whatever he did, again, I’m not going to research because his rap name is dumb and I don’t feel like sifting through Google. I’m sure it’s bad, whatever the situation is.

76) "Patty Cake," by Kodak Black

Nope!

81) "OMG," Camila Cabello ft./Quavo

This is actually a reasonable trap song. I can't tell if I'm actually enjoying this or if I'm reacting to the novelty of a pop starlet trying her hand at a trap impression, but I'm pretty convinced this is a strong, strong attempt at a trap song from someone who probably has no business trying to enter into this genre. I'm also kind of refreshed by a trap song which doesn't create a new gross dick descriptor in every verse. It's pretty alright!

82) "What About Us," by Pink

This is a tasteful amount of '90s dance influence. Maybe it's not just '90s dance but dance in general, I don't think dance music has undergone a ton of change in the past ever, but like y'all get it probably, the way this song is more propulsive than the standard "we've got to do something!" ballad. It has a nice kick to it, is what I'm trying to say, and a nice kick is generally what Pink has delivered in her long and storied musical career, as she becomes the 32nd member of the '07-'17 Decade Dance Club. Would that Choice had hit and Pink could join Tim McGraw and Jay-Z in the Double Dance!

84) "Perplexing Pegasus," by Rae Sremmurd

look. when you put the word pegasus in your song title, i have certain expectations. i am not looking for a boilerplate trap song about how foreign cars make girls horny. i am expecting something MAJESTIC AS IS BEFITTING A WINGED HORSE. this song has utterly failed to meet my rigorous standards for songs about pegasi. i am being informed that the pegasus is also a foreign car and i 100% do not give a shit, give me fantasy trap or give me death.

94) "B.E.D." by Jacquees

This dude seems like a legit vocalist. I dunno, I think 2007 took me to dizzying highs, and 2017 is giving me a bunch of songs that would get a B like it usually does, but in this case, this song gets a B because I think the dude aims to one day do better, more ambitious things than this song. Also, let's consider the moral downfall of America as told by the progression of '90s R&B music. In 1997, we had Usher considering leaving his girlfriend before taking up with a new lover and four nice boys begging that a young woman (or four!) show them mercy and forgive them for hurting her, and the one song that was about fucking was laden with innuendo and operated under a set fuck schedule, “fucking will be taking place in the designated fuck hours.” Like, it was about fucking, but the fucking was inferred, not stated. In 2017, we have this young man saying "I don't wanna love/I just wanna fuck" in the chorus of a song that was released to radio. Also, a Nazi wasn't president in 1997. It truly was better back then.

95) "Chillin' Like a Villain," by Sofia Carson, Cameron Boyce, Booboo Stewart & Mitchell Hope

WE NEED TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR THESE DELIGHTFUL DANCING TEENS. This song is woefully bereft of Captain Hook's gay son, yes, but most songs are, so we won't hold that against this delightful dance jam I am in no way qualified to speak about, since I have not seen the film and am also turning 28 on Saturday, like what is this life choice I have made for 30-some weeks in a row.

99) "Havana," by Camila Cabello ft./Young Thug

This is gonna make for a dope Postmodern Jukebox because it's already halfway there, it already kind of sounds like someone listened to "The Girl from Ipanema" and said, "How much can I water this shit down before the song is ready for 2017 pop radio?" A lot, but also, I love the way horns herald Young Thug's arrival, and I think this is the most I've enjoyed a Young Thug guest spot since his verse on that one Drake song. It's really cool that Camila Cabello is exploring all these different genres, and I've ended up enjoying all the songs she's put out this year. I mean, I miss Lorde? I wish we would've kept Lorde around? But Camila Cabello's been pretty dope, her songs are a lot of fun, and I'm okay with her being the current queen of pop, if that's what the world has decided it wants.

Who won the week?

These girls are smart, Three Stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.

2017: 12 1997: 11 2007: 10

2007 on that comeback trail! They’ve got a few weeks to collect Ws before it settles in for what looks like a long winter. Can it overcome 11 songs of 1997 nonsense and whatever OK songs 2017 will bring to us next week? BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT

[patrickztump]

absolutely cried over the passing of a 12-year twitter mutual’s dog who passed away because i had more or less watched her entire life through the stories and photos shared by her owner. the first interaction i remember having with her owner was when she commented how she mistook a photo of scamp as her pup, back in 2009. they looked similar, yet very different. it seems the internet is a terrible place most days, but the relationships we build through mutual loves is something that will stay with us for the rest of eternity.