Over in today's constancy must transpose chapter (you can read the fic here!), we finally get to see the Lamb's godform, sitting Below as the One Who Welcomes
Oddly, it seems to be a little more eldritch than a godform normally would be 🤔
The One Who Welcomes has one eye, a ram's curling horn on the right of their head and a ewe's spiral on the left, with three pairs of arms: one set is normal, another set is skeletal, and the third is a pair of articulated velvet doll arms. Their long cloak is woven directly from their wool, piled around them in folds of fabric tall enough to be walls. On the left side of their chest (not pictured here because of poor planning lmao), there's no wool or flesh, just a space where you can see inside their torso; the ribcage is hollow, save for a red sateen stylised heart that beats with metronome precision.
(I'll draw this again one of these days, I'm planning on drawing all of the different Lambs from the fics that I haven't posted yet)
this isn't the specific scene from today, i just wanted to draw the One Who Welcomes
also have the sketch lineart version
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Minho, who moved into Gally's childhood house
unknowingly also moving into an active War Zone™
it's Gally VS Thomas
they're both ghosts
they're fighting over who gets to haunt the place
both of them have attached themselves to the house already and are trying to convince the other to un-attach themselves
attaching oneself to a place is a simple procedure
In fact, it's so simple it can happen on accident for a lot of ghosts
like Thomas, who thought the house was cute and spent so long there that he just woke up attached one day
meanwhile, Gally grew up in the house as a living human and has haunted the place for three years
So he's not about to let some silly accidental ghost take it away from him
any number of ghosts can be attached to a property, but traditionally, only one ghost haunts it
the others just kind of... meander
most ghosts lose interest in staying connected to the physical world
and enjoy floating mindlessly in some forgotten corner of an establishment, wandering in their waking dreams
but Thomas and Gally aren't those kinds of ghosts
Minho isn't even aware of the fight between the two at first
Thomas and Gally don't really pay attention to Minho either
He's not really a "human being with feelings"
he's just another part of the house
that the haunting ghost gets the right to mess with
until Minho starts tearing down the old wallpaper, renovating the showers, replacing the mirrors, etc.
the two ghosts quickly set their rivalry aside to drive away the parasite that's demolishing their precious haunting place
they start off small
Minho can't find his keys, his TV remote is always missing, why is his toothbrush in the toilet, where did all the windows go, was this area of the house always this dark, why is it so cold, why are his blankets trying to strangle him
(okay Gally went too far with that one)
Step 2: ants start stealing his food, faces appear behind Minho in the mirror, rats drown themselves in his morning coffee, the doors open and close loudly at night, the basement stairs try to chew off Minho's feet
(okay Gally went too far again)
before they can get to Step 3, Minho catches on
he guessed that there was a ghost in the house at Step 1
Step 2 made him realize the ghost might be more malicious than he thought
he starts tossing food into the campfire as offerings for whatever spirit is messing with him
a ghost is kind of like a vampire. They need permission to do certain things
such as eating physical food
Thomas, who died last week and is unused to no longer being able to eat, eagerly accepts whatever Minho throws out of the flames
he stops messing with Minho
Minho notices the decline in ghostly antics and increases the food offerings
Gally is offended that Thomas is so easily swayed
"This is why you would've never made a good haunting ghost"
"Okay but you haven't tasted his pasta. He makes really good pasta."
as respectful and knowledgeable as Minho is, he's wrong on one thing: He thinks there's only one ghost
He buys a larger bed and another pillow, inviting the ghost (just one) to sleep. He puts out a second toothbrush (just one). He makes a second dinner (just one) and buys a second kitchen chair (just one)
for all his kindness, Minho only ever invites one ghost
so of course, Thomas and Gally fight over who gets to be Minho's ghost
(at some point you have to wonder if maybe they just like fighting)
"Just haunt the house. You love this house. You've haunted it for three years or something."
"You're just saying that because you want to haunt Minho"
"You want to haunt Minho too!"
"He's in my house! He's mine!"
"I literally died last week! I deserve some sympathy! I'm vulnerable and sad right now! You have no sympathy!!"
"You can get the pasta that he throws into the fire"
they draw hearts in the mirror (Thomas erases Gally's)
they helpfully write grocery lists for him (Gally tears up Thomas')
they drive away pests from his garden (both try to take credit for what's technically a team effort)
Thomas coaxes a stray cat into the house and is heartbroken when Minho tosses the cat back outside, not knowing it's a gift
Gally offers his old childhood toys (memories are the most precious thing a ghost can give) by putting them on Minho's bed and then sulks when Minho doesn't touch them
(he's afraid of angering whatever put them there by messing up the toys)
Thomas irons out Minho's clothes
Gally steals clothes from random passerby's and gifts them to Minho
(definitely Gally going too far again)
(Minho is frazzled by the increase of naked people outside his house)
they TOTALLY fall in love with him during the process
this is important and 100% normal
they start worrying when Minho takes too long to come home from work
Gally and Thomas even detach themselves from their beloved house to go looking for Minho
(who fell asleep at work 'cause his boss overworked him)
(picture that scene from Ratatouille)
Gally drapes a blanket over Minho's exhausted body while Thomas angrily goes to find his boss
he spends the rest of the night terrorizing him
(Gally is impressed by Thomas' ferocity. He doesn't tell him that, of course)
Minho is losing his mind
because he is the receiver (the victim, really) of a ghost's affection
unbeknownst to him, he is in fact the victim of TWO ghosts' affection
and how is he supposed to maintain his reputation as a normal person... if he's starting to feel affection for a ghost
it ends with all three of them kissing btw
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I find it fascinating to witness the straight audience of any media not being able to pick up what the makers of the movie/show puts down.
It’s like when people reacted to the “You wear fine things well” scene in Our Flag Means Death with “aw, they’re such good friends” whereas the queer audience went “omg, this is happening”. We all had access to the same scene, we’d all watched the build up to that scene but the straight audience wrongly read it as friends/straight whereas the queer audience had suspected they were building up to a romance but this was the confirmation. Even the creator of the show was baffled that people were surprised that Ed and Stede fell in love. Because he thought they had made it obvious.
And as I said, we, the queer audience picked up on it. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Ted Lasso. Do I know that Ted and Trent will get together? No, I am unfortunately not a writer on Ted Lasso. But you can’t deny that there are clues pointing to it. But the straight audience barely pick up the fact that Ted and Trent like each other, be that in a platonic way or romantic way. I’ve seen several reactions to the last episode of season 2 and ONE of them included the scene where Ted reacts to Trent not being in the press room. All of them severely cut down the scene in the parking lot. One of the scenes most of us Ted/Trent truthers point to as a huge piece of evidence for it going canon. The parallel of them meeting in an empty parking lot, just like Ted and his ex-wife and Roy and Keeley. But because Ted and Trent are both men it couldn’t possibly mean anything. And Ted has an ex-wife and a kid so he can’t possibly be into men, as if there is no such thing as being bisexual. “But I’m pretty sure Trent has a family, he has a kid right?” So? He could be divorced, we also have no idea if his daughter has another dad or a mum. And the same thing applies to him, it doesn’t mean he can’t be into men (take also into account all of James Lance’s interviews, and his choice of shirt in one of them, friend of Dorothy anyone? He's the captain of this ship, we're just along for the ride tbh.)
Then we have the wonderful “I’m so not homophobic, in fact, you are homophobic because you think Ted is gay just because he likes musicals and has ‘feminine’ traits” um no… it’s the fact that he kind of acts in a way that an ally wouldn't. Yeah, he called himself an ally in that one episode. But every single person who is now out as queer who at one point considered themselves an ally because "I’m not one of them but I sure think they're neat" raise a hand 🖐️ (been there, done that. Was very into queer things before I realised I myself am one of them). What it always comes down to is "it's pandering", "it's tokenism" (having the main character on the show be queer wouldn't be fucking tokenism), "not everything has to be gay", "why can't men just be friends, there is a severe lack of male friendships on tv". And like the last one makes me go??? There are a MILLION friendships between men on TV. There are even multiple friendships between men in Ted Lasso. Beard and Ted, Ted and Higgins, Ted and Roy, the himbos and so on. Having Ted and Trent become a couple wouldn't really change anything because there are still friendships between men. They also claim that Ted is needed as the "straight without toxic masculinity" representation. As if Beard isn't right there. The man who has no problem going to an immersive show about the menstrual cycle. Has no problem with shrieking when he's surprised and so on.
I also like that if we'd get Ted and Trent together, we'd get two middle aged queer dads. Which isn't that common. It's not even super common to see people realising they're queer late in life on TV, and yet it happens every day. Because let's face it, most queer men on TV kind of look like Colin, and I don't mean that as a bad thing. And I'm looking forward to his storyline. But it's also nice seeing middle aged or old people finding themselves and being allowed to be who they are (see Ed and Stede from OFMD). Also would enjoy seeing people lose their minds when they realise they've been fooled this entire time. It'll be like Black Sails all over again.
I do not have any doubts about the fact that, had Trent or Ted been a woman and they saw Trent give up his career because of Ted's influence, they sure as hell wouldn't protest people thinking they'd become a couple. But because it's two men it's just delusional for some reason (homophobia).
What I'm saying is, it's clear that the straight audience has a hard time picking up subtext and clues that the makers are planting. Because they've never had to do that. Because they are always clearly represented. They don't have to look for minor side characters and hope that they might be queer. Because the main character is straight and most of the supporting cast too. When you've grown up with a lack of representation or with representation that is meant to be subtext, you'll learn to pick up on it. And you do look at media differently. I just wish that the straight audience could listen to us for once, without getting defensive and dancing around the fact that they are uncomfortable relating to a character that turned out to be queer.
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
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