#because it's like bad or something to have toilet juice in your walls and ceiling

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

last night our toilet clogged

right now our toilet is sitting in the shower and we have 2 dehumidifiers and a hepa filter all making a godawful sound they're so LOUD it rlly sets my teeth on edge

[timextoxhajima]

Playlist Feels

*SHORT SERIES

Member: *falls off his chair* juyeon

Genre: BIG ANGST + drama with chaebol/lawyer juyeon

A/N: NOTE THAT THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING. I can’t include the reason because it’ll be a spoiler BUT THIS IS FICTITIOUS SO DON’T COME @ ME PLEASE

A/N pt 2: there isn’t much juyeon in this chapter so skip it if you just want some juyeon one shots

Links to other parts:

I Never Wanna See You Again

Frustrated (light smut)

Love Somebody (light smut)

Play With Fire (smut)

Stigma

Bourbon

Highway To Heaven (smut)

I Like Me Better

All Time Low

~

“so much for ‘i love you’.”

“are you sure you want to get on a more-than-twelve-hour flight to freakin’--” sunwoo grabs your passport and flips it open. “Amsterdam?” 

you snatch the passport back, shoving it into the pocket of your knee-length coat. 

“you ran from your family once...” chanhee looks at you with pleading eyes. “are you sure you want to run from this one?”

looking up from the passport, luggage next to your legs and surrounded by your friends, you scan the big, block letters that spell ‘departure’ across the entrance to the hall. 

“i’m not running. i just need to think.”

“the last time you were on a plane, you hurled from the turbulence,” eric scolds. “and it was a three-hour flight.”

you roll your eyes and raise a brow at your friends. they were all just finding ways to convince you stay instead of watching you leave the country just days after you find them jobs that were extremely high-paying. 

the calls you made were probably setting off a thousand alarms that would alert both your parents, since you were relying on the contacts you had as a chaebol. it was just a matter of time before they’d figure out that you left the country or something. 

“so what if i hurl? i’ll be fine when the plane lands.”

chanhee’s features were strained, and eric sighs, pulling you into a hug and giving you a brotherly rub on your head. 

“call us when you get there and tell us when you’re coming back, we’ll come get you.” eric releases you and sunwoo gives you a gently punch to your arm. you nod and look to chanhee, your arms already reaching out to him. 

chanhee takes a small step backwards, eyes looking like he was hurt. you knew he was upset with you for blowing things out of proportion with juyeon. if you didn’t try to defend him, the whole argument with juyeon wouldn’t have happened. but it was a fact that he crossed the line, and it had nothing to do with chanhee.

“if i let you hug me, then it means there’s a chance you’re going to run and i’ll never see you again.”

your arms remained stretched out but your head droops to the side, pouting a little and walking towards him regardless.

“i’m not going to run, chanhee,” you wrap your arms around his shoulders. “and even if i do, i’ll come back just to see you guys. you have my word.”

you hear him sigh in resignation and his arms find your lower back. “i’ll hold you to that. i’ll hunt you down myself if you disappear off the face of earth.”

you snicker as you pulled back, constantly swallowing your saliva so you don’t burst into ugly tears. 

you settle down in your seat and the passenger next to you greets you kindly. the skies outside the window next to you provided you the warmth and a strange feeling of freedom, but there was so much weight in your heart, you were worried the plane wouldn’t even take off. 

you recall the first time you were on a plane. it was a private flight to paris with your parents when you were still a kid. you spent half the time throwing up because of the turbulence.

the second time you were on a plane, it was with eric, chanhee and sunwoo to a nearby country. they watched you hurl out your meals like a fountain and though it might’ve been a little mean and annoying in that point of time, you look back now and realise that all they were trying to do was to make you laugh and get your mind off your motion-sickness.

you wouldn’t be who you were today if it weren’t for them. 

had they not dragged you onto a plane, you’d probably still be scared to fly with your motion sickness. but thanks to them, it didn’t matter anymore. it doesn’t matter if you threw up, all you needed to do was think about them and you’ll be fine. 

you watch the sunset below the clouds that look like cotton and marshmallows, the constant whirring of the vehicle was slowly but surely getting to your head. the pressure of being in the sky was squeezing the juices out of your brain and making your eyes tear up. your ears were slightly blocked, so blasting music didn’t really help.

you feel the familiar ball of stomach acid push itself up your throat and into your chest, and you barely get the words out to the passenger next to you before she shifts and lets you out. 

you watch the half-digested grains of rice and fruit spew out through your lips and into the toilet bowl, the material on your knees soaking up whatever liquid that was on the floor. might’ve been pee, but who cares?

“miss, are you alright?”

“yeah--” you belch out a disgusting scent, a mixture of vomit and food. “i’m okay.” 

you grab a handful of tissue and wipe your lips, leaning back on your heels before losing your balance when the plane shakes a little. your back hits the wall of the cabin, and a headache rips through your temples. 

you grit your teeth and groans of pain unconsciously pour out through your lips, your hands now pressing into your ear as the pressure in them become physical pain. 

“miss! are you okay? do you need any assistance?”

“i’m fine!” you snap back. “it’s just a little... headache--”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“stay with me forever.”

“i can’t pretend you’re not the best thing that’s happened to me.”

“i love you.”

you vision widens and start to focus, but you frown to yourself when you process nothing besides a plain, white ceiling with amber lights lining the edges. 

you inhale a deep breath and you give your nerves a moment to find your fingers. you blink so slowly, you were wondering if you were paralyzed or if your brain was just processing it super slowly.

“you’re awake.”

that voice.

turning in search of the source, your eyes catch a glimpse of the room you were in. there was a table in the corner of the room, a television mounted to the wall, and the floor was carpeted with a cream colored rug. 

you process the views before you spot an IV drip, and it was hooked up to your left hand. the blanket was riled up to your stomach, and the scent of the room knocks some sense into your thinking. 

you were in a hospital ward.

“where am i?” you breathe lightly, shutting your lids and rolling your eyes under to make sure you weren’t in a dream. 

“in amsterdam, where else?” 

“what date and time is it?” you look behind him and note the pathetic amount of afternoon sunlight spilling through the blinds that were closed. 

“i don’t know how that’s going to tell you how long you’ve been here, but you passed out halfway on your flight here. you’ve been in this bed for more than thirty hours.”

you suck in a sharp breath and cover your eyes with one arm, the disgusting scent of medicine and antiseptic making your lungs hurt. 

“how did you know i was here?”

dumb question to ask.

“it was a little difficult to ignore the calls you were making to my sub-ordinates and colleagues and partners. adding on the fact that your mother called to scream at me about you getting on a plane here,” your father gets out of the sofa next to your bed and walks around to the table, pouring a glass of water. “i wasn’t very keen on hearing her out until she told me your flight was to amsterdam.”

he brings the glass to you and holds it out.

“it was tricky to pretend that you aren’t my daughter... who also happens to have motion-sickness but still gets on a flight alone.”

you scoff, sitting up and taking the glass only because your throat was killing you. “fun to know that i need to get on a plane to get your attention.”

your father scratches a temple and waits for you to finish the glass of water.

“enough attention for me to cancel my meetings and fly here from croatia. i left the moment the airline called me to tell me my daughter passed out on the flight your mother was telling me about.”

you gulp the last bit of water and hold it to your chest. he gestures for it, and you reluctantly let him take it away from you. 

it reminds you of all the times his house staff waited on you and how bad it made you feel. but you were always happy knowing that they were comfortable working in that house. 

“so, do i get to know why i had to cancel my meetings to find you here, in a ward?” he lands the cup on the table and refers to the sofa seat next to you. 

“solo trip to get away from city life. i simply passed out from the turbulence a long-flight was putting me through.”

he’s probably not going to buy that.

“that’s not very healthy.”

you scoff, lying back down into the bed and running your hand through your hair. “of course it’s not healthy. anymore throwing up and i’ll erode my own digestive system. if only i could fault someone for my throwing up.”

silence. 

“so... whose is it?”

“what do you mean ‘whose is it’? i was born with a weak gut, so i guess it’s mine.”

silence. 

“i’m not talking about your motion-sickness, y/n. i’m talking about the 15-week foetus inside you.”

the what--

“15-week foetus? what are you--”

oh.

no.

“you didn’t know you were pregnant?”

your heart felt like it was going to explode and a wave of ache rips through your chest. 

“if it’s a 15-week-old foetus, shouldn’t you have already missed like two or three periods?”

your fingers find your temples and you shut your eyes tightly. you start to feel your eyes getting wet and your nose turns sour as you desperately try to find any strand of possibility that this wasn’t happening. 

“i was... working. i thought it was just the stress--” all of a sudden, you see nothing but juyeon’s face in your head. your eyes were sealed shut but you saw nothing but him. 

and now you were carrying his child. 

“huh,” your father calmly watches you go through a whole mental breakdown. “you’re not wearing a ring, so i assume the baby’s father isn’t my son-in-law?” 

you turn to look at him with tears impairing your vision. 

“your mother told me you were engaged over the phone. you can imagine my confusion when you turn up here, on the other side of the planet, alone, pregnant and without a ring.”

this can’t be real.

“get out.”

your father sucks in a sharp breath through his nostrils.

“you can fly back to croatia and tell mother not to poke her nose into this. i’ll deal with it on my own.”

he nods in your peripheral vision, your eyes only staring at an empty space on the ceiling. you shut your eyes and let the tears roll down the sides of your face, curving its way into the crevices of your ears. the sound of the shoes thumping softly against the carpet tells you he’s leaving and you hear the door swing open.

“call me if you need anything. i’m still your father after all.”

and with that, you hear the door shut. 

you let yourself sob quietly, the reality sinking into your bones and you swore you could hear your heart beating in your ears. your hands find your abdomen, and you question why the product of your love with him was presented to you not in the form of casual dates and a simpler romance, but a baby, in a world of money you wanted nothing to do with. 

you pull yourself together after about an hour of crying, and through swollen eyes, you find your luggage and bags behind the sofa seat your father previously sat on. fumbling around your bag, you were relieved that your phone had not been turned on the entire time since you boarded the plane. it would still be close to full battery.

your home screen becomes flooded with notifications of missed calls. from eric, sunwoo, chanhee, your mother, even your manager, and him.

you swipe away everything and let the phone adjust to the timezone and boot up, and once it was good to go, your first instinct was to call chanhee. 

“where have you been?! your flight landed like... a billion years ago!”

“chanhee--”

“you better have a damn good explanation for fucking disappearing off the face of the fucking earth when you literally told me you won’t--”

“i--”

“where are you now, huh?! strutting down some random street in amsterdam thinking about coming back like, never?!”

“chanh--”

“believe me, i WILL get on a plane and fly to amsterdam just to strangle you myself!”

“chanhee, i’m pregnant.”

the other end of the line goes silent and you wonder if he hung up or something. 

you hear him breathe into the receiver and that was your cue to finish your story.

“i passed out on the flight and now i’m in a hospital in amsterdam. my father’s in the country because the airline called him about me but i don’t know how long he’s staying,” you pause, bracing yourself to repeat that cursed word reality has decided to offer you. “i’m three months pregnant.”

silence. 

you look down at your hands that were absent-mindedly fiddling with the corners of your blanket. your hair was messy and draped over your shoulders. your eyes struggle to remain wide open after the excessive crying in the last hour. 

“... does he know?”

“no. even i didn’t.”

“what are you going to do about the baby?”

you purse your lips, pain rippling through you when you realise you had to make a decision that would change your life forever.

“i assume you’re not planning on telling him?”

it was your turn to fall silent.

you don’t want to be a shitty person for hiding this from him, but neither did you want him to have an opinion on what you should do with it. 

“i think you should know that he’s been searching high and low for you. sangyeon and jaehyun told us that he’s been to your place and the only thing he hasn’t done is call the bureau director.”

“i’ll tell him after i decide what to do with it.”

“and?”

“i’ll tell him--”

“i know what you’re thinking of doing.”

you feel your facial features strain and compress all into each other, your thumb brushing the skin on your finger where the ring should be. 

“you’re thinking of aborting it and telling him right before you get it done, aren’t you?”

he wasn’t your best friend for nothing. 

“i know it sucks... the situation you’re in. and i don’t want to be the one who guilt trips you into keeping it just because it’s his or that it’s a life. so forget about him, and think about yourself before you decide to do anything. it’s yours as much as it’s his, and i know you have the means to raise it on your own, both financially and emotionally.”

chanhee’s words crush your last attempt at holding yourself together, and you bury your face into your free hand with the phone held to your ear. 

“you’re hurting, and i know there’s nothing i can do to make you feel better besides give you what you need right now, and that’s space and emotional support,” a pause. “so call me when you’ve decided, and i promise i’ll see you soon.”

you sniffle loudly into the receiver, sure that he heard you. nodding to yourself, you thank chanhee and hang up, letting whatever fluids you had left inside you pour out through your eyes. 

THE NEXT DAY

“thank you, it was a great stay,” you smile at the hospital receptionist, handing her the black and silver card that your father left behind. it had your name on it, but this was the first time you’ve ever used it.

you promised yourself you’d return the money when you earn it back. you didn’t want them to use this as a hold to keep you by their side. 

“the bill’s already been paid by your father, miss,” she returns a bright smile and hands the card back to you.

ugh, one step late. 

“in fact, he informed us that he’s booked you a place to stay in a hotel nearby. it’s a five-star hotel so there’s everything you need there, and if you feel uncomfortable or in need of medical assistance, it’s only a five minute drive here from the hotel.”

you provide her a weak service smile as you chuck the card back into your wallet. 

the receptionist calls you a cab and sends you on your way to the castle-looking hotel. the hotel staff get your luggage and belongings up to the room while you roam around the lobby and the compound. you find yourself outside the building, now walking along the path next to the river bank. 

couples were eating and drinking the evening away, the orange beams from the sun shining down on you and elongating the shadows of the birds that fly past above you in the sun’s light. 

you find yourself in a secluded spot where the river opens up to the sea after spending nearly an hour just walking along the water line. 

the only source of light around were the street lamps, and the water extends so far out, you couldn’t even see the horizon. you hear someone walk past every now and then and they kindly greet you. the friendly culture here was making you feel so comfortable, you couldn’t help but laugh at chanhee’s worry about you staying here forever. 

you pull out your phone and dial for the abortion provider of the hospital you stayed at, and for a second you worry about the medical bills. 

but it was quickly washed away once the abortion provider picks up, and you start inquiring about abortion protocols. your eyes travel out to sea as the person on the other end of the line feeds you the information that you were going to need to look over again once you’ve returned to the hotel.

your mind flashes back to the night juyeon proposed to you after you told him about your family. and you truly wonder...

life has a way of putting you in places you were meant to be.

Part 11 (final): Gravity

[emotional-blender]

Hi Shan 🥺 I hope you feel better eventually. Just looked at your master list and rereading some nurse Calum stuff and I wanted to know, when’s the last time he got sick and couldn’t go to work? What was he like? 😥

hi anon!1 thank you so much, i really appreciate that and this ask for helping bring me out of my own mind for a few minutes. also, oops, i wrote about the first time he had to call in sick but i think the last time was probably sometime last fall before the pandemic; pr there is the possibility he got covid and sat isolated at home, fighting it off with fluids and rest and beating on his own chest with cipped hands to loosen up the fluids/laying prone (on his stomach) tp try amd aid the speed of his own recovery. he 100% would have went back to work when he was better, because he's stubborn, but would have considered moving out or rooming with a coworker to protect you (because nurse!cal is protective as hell and even more stubbown).

***

the first time calum, as a nurse, was ever sick enough to not go in, he fought it. on the first of three night shifts he showed up to the nurses station when he usually does and the lights of the unit seem a little brighter than usual. he's sure the caffiene in the iced coffee, and in the exta hot one he has in his hands will fix him up; and the tylenol he'd thrown back in the car. he's gone about a year out of nursing school without having to call in sick but he knows it happens to everyone. he wondered, briefly, before his shift if he should have called in, if they could find anyone on such short notice to come in on time. maybe they'd find someone to get there before mdinight. he pushes through the dull throb at the back of his head. it doesn't get any better as the hours go on and when ten pm and his break time hits, the three hours he's been there feel more like seven.

"feel like fuckin shit," he remarks as he sits in th ebreak room, cracking open a can of canada dry and pouring it over some ice chips he grabbed from the kitchen on his way off floor. he doesn't normally take any formal breaks on a night shift - there's usually enough down time to sit in the nursing station and eat his dinner while he charts the evenings activities and does a check of medication orders for the morning. the night shift is a different kind of busy than the day shift. administraton isn't around and occasionally a nurse from the unit over shows up to ask for advice on something that's more medical and urgent than they feel comfortable handling. calum's been that person, wandering to the next unit when his was too busy for someone to give his decision making a double check. it's busy, but it's not like the day shift. there's usually time to sit, and if there isn't, then there wasn't enough time for him to take a break anyway.

the tiny blonde woman sitting in the break room with him gives him aquick once over and tilts her head sideways yet.

"think you can stick it out?" she asks, before her eyes glance up to the clock on the wall. it's been a calm night. qyuet, but no one would ever dare say the Q word. ever. calum's departure midshift, at 10pm would turn her calm quiet night into a busy one.

"yeah, for sure," he answers quickly qith a laugh. honestly, the thought of going home hadn't even crossed his mind. not seriously. in truth, he can hear a professor from nursing school in the back of his mind.

"drug up calum, it's friday," she had said to him at 9am on a friday when his nise was stuffed and his sinuses were blocked, his brown skin tinged pink and a little swollen from the inflammation. when the words came from her mouth that's exactly what he was doing, downing a couple day time cold and flu capsules with a gatorade form hydration. even nursing school, before it was a job, didn't allow for sick days. missed labs meant make up labs on the weekend and extra assignments to prove he'd really learned the material. it was better to just show up. at work, it was better to just show up; unless he was actively hurling, or in any state that kept him from wandering too far from a toilet.

he'd finish his shift with a couple more tylenol and a distinct lack of food ingested because something didn't feel... right. he masked before going into every room, explaining to one woman who was adamant that she wasn't sick enough that he needed to worry, that it was her he was protecting and not himself.

it was five am when the queasyness hit him, when the headache seemed amplify ten fold. as much as he tried to muscle his way through it, deny the fact that, despite the constant hand washing and the way his hands cracked a little from the sanitizing, he had managed to catch something.

"you back tonight?" the blonde woman from the break room asked him as the shift wrapped up, a small crowd of tired looking nurses waiting inthe nursing station for slightly less tired day shift nurses to show up.

"no, i already called steph," he shook his head, lips turning down as he gave her a dramatic pout. "i haven't used any sick days though, so," he shrugged a moment later. in truth, he was still so fascinated by the fact that he was working just as hard as he had been in school, only now he was getting paid for it. somehow that made it easier to fight through any ailments. he was young still; the fatigue hadn't quite hit him the way it'd hit lorraine, a fifty something year old woman with a bad back, who always jumped at the opportunity for paid time off when the amount of patients on the floor was too low for all the hands present.

it was a breath of relief he felt as he left the hospital and got into his car, driving himself back to the small apartment you shared with him because you were still saving for a downpayment on a house. he stuffed his scrubs into the laundry hamper as soon as it was in view, his  naked body wandering into the bathroom.

it was a saturday morning. the wake up you expected was a freshly showered calum sliding into bed with you, not the sounds of him wretching in the next room over. your movements were sleepy, padding your way to the kitchen and putting some ice cubes from the fridge in a glass and pouring some apple juice over them. you grabbed a sleeve of crackers, going back to your bedroom and leaving them on his nightstand before  you went to gently push the bathroom door open.

"you doin okay?" you asked, eyes cast upward at the ceiling because he never wanted you to see him at his weakpoints.

"yep," he answered quick, sitting back on the floor and looking at you. you couldn't help but let your eyes fall to where he was sitting, the look in them softening at the sight.

"i'm gonna get you a cloth, okay?" you told him, even though your words hung in mid air as if you were asking permission. you didn't want for a response before disappearing to the tiny hall closet and grabbing a couple of facecloths, running them under the cold tap water before handing him one and setting the dry one on the counter where he could reach.

"put some apple juice and crackers by the bed," you let him know, giving him a small smile. he nods up at you and you can see the way his face screws up, clenching your eyes shut as he turns away from you, facing the toilet again, gripping it as he wretches one more time.

you don't hang around and watch, closing the door behind you and letting him have privacy while you go to the bedroom to get dressed, you make the bed, turning down his side of it. you scoop duke up into your arms and put his leash on him, finally bringing him down to the small patch of gradd near your building so he can do what he needs to. apartment life is weird, he's trained well enough to go into the bathroom and do waht he needs to in the tub overnight, it's easy enough to turn the shower on and wipe down every morning before you get in, flushing any turds he may have left. in fact, you almost perfer it to having to pick up poo from the grass and bring it to the trash, but the bathroom in your apartment is occupied. you have a feeling it will be for awhile.

"cal?" you ask as you come back into the bedroom. hes laying on his back, still naked but showered, staring at the ceiling and concentrating on rbeathing. his answer is a groan, a simple noise to let you know he heard you.

"gonna go to the store," you let him know. he nods his head a little and you let yourself look at him, just to make sure he's okay before you diappear from back to the door of the apartment, grabbing your keys this time and leaving.

he's wretching again when you come back an hour later, stomach filled with some fast food breakfast because you don't want to cook and make the whole apartment smell like anything that's upsetting to his stomach. you wince at the sound and set your bags down on the kitchen counters, rifling through them for the medicine you went out for.

"hey, cal. i don't know if you can keep it down, but i got some dramammine," you meet him back in the bedroom and he looks at you like you're an angel.

"thank fuck," he mumbles, and you hamd him te box and a fresh bottle of tylenol. he's a little shakey as he pops them in his mouth, sipping carefully with the apple juice you'd left before. he gets up to wretch one more time and then... he sleeps. he sleeps and sleeps and you check on him after a couple of hours, feeling his forehead while he snores and press a kiss to his forehead.

"hey," his voice is raspier than usual and you know it's from the sheer amount of throwing up  he's done today.

"hey, you," you let your hand move to smooth back over his hair. "how you feelin?"

"like shit," he's honest and groans before turning his head to bury his face into his pillow. "fuckin felt it last night before work but i was a stubborn asshole," he explains and you can't help but shake your head, a breath of laughter leaving you.

"i don't know how that's different than normal but okay," you let the words out with a tiny smirk and he glares at you, but not seriously.

"you want some broth?" you ask, raising your eyebrows. "maybe a shower. i made clean sheets so if you shower i can get rid of these ones and they won't be all sweaty and gross,"

he nods his head and slowly pushes himself up, going slow, looking around the room before he moves for the medicine you brought him this morning. it's almist dinner time now, and they've undoubtedly worn off. he takes more before, still carefully sipping before he gets up and lets his arms wrap around your middle, back curling as he lets himself press his face into your neck. there's nothing to do but let your arms wrap around his sweaty body, rubbing over his back.

"thank you," he mumbles, before moving and pressing his lips to your cheek, refusing to kiss you right out on the lips even though he just rubbed his germs all over you; even though he knows he's been shedding whatever this is for days now; that if you're not already feeling it, maybe you will tomorrow.

"i got you," you nod, letting him go as he moves away, watching him as he leaves the room and moving to strip the bed so you can put those clean sheets on.

taglsit: @calumscalm @notinthesameguey  @treatallwithkindness @burstintocolor  @babyoria @lukeisbaby @zhangyixingxing1  @creampiecashton @myfavfanficsever

[finderskeepersff]

20. Part 4

The sun broke through the curtains that I never closed and it hit against my sleeping face, I groaned out opening my eyes slowly and grabbed my phone to see the time. Blinking a few time to clear my vision, realizing we still had an hour or two to spare before we would need to wake up. I rolled over and flung the covers off me to get out of bed, but my body locked up, keeping me in place. Cracking my neck, I arched my back and stretched my legs out across the bed and then I let out a satisfied groan. Looking over at the side of me, light snores were coming from the warm besides me. The side of her face buried in the soft pillow and her body was turned, facing away from me. With a sheet draped around her waist, her bare back bathed up the sun. I put her to sleep, I just got her butt naked, I mean it’s not a bad thing right. Reaching my hand over and and tickled her back with my fingers. Her smooth skin glistening in the sun, Sofia stirred in her sleep, wrinkling her nose and her hand gripped the sheet, wrapping it tighter around her body.

I smirked at her movements, I enjoyed watching her sleep, finding it cute when she stirred or mumbled soft words. Pressing my lips against the skin on her back, I trailed sweet kisses up the curve of her spine until I reached her neck and brushed her hair out of the way to allow my nose to inhale her scent “Good Morning, Bub” I breathed in her ear and slipped my hands between the sheets so I could wrap my arm around her waist. My morning erection that was beginning to poke through my boxers and against the crack of her butt “Cassius” Sofia mumbled in her sleep and attempted to push me away, I pulled back and slid my boxers off before pressing my dick against her again and moving my hand to caress her thigh. I slipped my other hand beneath her and grabbed her breast, Sofia gave in, rolling over on her side she began grinding her ass against my dick, my mouth immediately drew to her neck when she tilted her head to the side. I gently sucked down on her skin, savouring her sweet taste on my tongue.

My hands were moving further in between her thighs and her eyes fluttered open when I brushed my fingers against her clit, she hissed out another moan and open her legs wider. Looking back at me, I smiled at her “Good morning” I whispered again and Sofia only panted in response, grabbing her leg, I threw it over my hip, hooking it behind me. My erection was growing harder by the second against her ass and a shiver rocked through her when I rubbed the head of my dick against her clit. I continued to tease her clit and Sofia was becoming annoyed, she reached between her legs and gripped my dick, pushing the head of my dick towards her opening “stop it” she whined, grinding her centre against me. Sofia spread her legs wider and I finally stroked into her from behind. Sofia’ head fell back and she exhaled deeply. My strokes were slow and tender, yet deep and filling. I slipped in and out of her pussy with such ease, her walls throbbing and pulsating around me.

I propped myself up on my elbow and moved my hand away from her breast and to the centre of her stomach, pressing my hand flat across her stomach as I continued to pump in and out of her at an easy speed. Her hand reached behind me and gripped my ass, urging me to sink in deeper. I moved my fingers over her core, pressing the palm of my hand against her clit, Sofia’ body shuddered. She clenched her eyes closed tight and tucked her bottom lip beneath her teeth, humming out a moan. I placed my mouth against her ear and traced my tongue along her lobe. While my fingers were working at a speed, caressing her clit, my thrusts were slow. I was dragging out each stroke, early morning lazy sex was just what I needed to start my day. Our muffled moans and soft groans, bucking my hips forward I took her ear further into my mouth and bit down. She felt so good wrapped tightly around me, I continued to push and pump until Sofia’ body couldn't take no more and her warm muscle attempted to squeeze me right into oblivion.

Her juices exploded out of her, pouring down her leg and mixing in with mine when I came soon after. Letting the moment marinate between us, we laid connected for a few more seconds, savouring the little time we had together in our peaceful bubble. I finally pulled my softened length out of Sofia and turned my head towards her to claim her mouth with a kiss “mhmmm” Sofia groaned out, pulling away from her “I was sleeping nicely until you kept on poking me with your dick” I chuckled and let go of the grasp I had around her waist “you fell asleep on me last night so yeah” reaching my hand up and pushed a strand of hair out of her face and pressed a small kiss on her forehead, I admired her beauty “stop looking at me like that” she pushed my face away, I can’t even look at my woman in awe.

Resting my head back on the pillow, I was able to perform to my standards in bed, thank you god. I can feel it, new beginnings is coming my way, fresh start. I need it, I need to move no matter the doubts in my mind. The simple fact is they know Sofia, they know what she looks like and that scares me, they now know I am protecting her so they will try and now get at her. They are fucking trying, the more they try, the more I will kill their people, I don’t fucking care. This is why I don’t date, I don’t let anyone get close because of this, this is the reason behind it, getting someone’s daughter killed because of me but Sofia is too precious and I will protect her till the ends of the earth “Cassius?” The way she said my name, she is wanting something “what’s up?” Scratching my chest staring up at the ceiling “you know my designer things at the apartment, can you get them for me?” Lifting my head up from the pillow and catching a glimpse of Sofia walking around naked, I smiled “what makes you think I haven’t already done that?” I questioned, which I did already “you did?” Sofia spat “yeah, I got a removals van, we set Sofia. Don’t worry” she doesn’t even need to worry “thank you baby, not going to lie. I was feeling so drunk, I was getting there anyways” resting my head back on the pillow “when you said you wanted sex right on the dance floor I knew it” Ivy is a total fucking bitch though, she really asking me about cheating on Sofia, like who does that. I’m not going to say it, or anything like that “why was you upset at the meal?” Never got to say it “let me go toilet first, I’ll be back” Sofia said “you want me to put the TV on?” I laughed “shut up” She about to stank the toilet out with her stank self.

Shuffling up on the bed, my back resting against the heardboard “took your time” I smiled, Sofia mean mugged me. She put a robe on which is good, her nipples makes me want to suck on them “so tell me, come” patting the bed “I just realised, you put me to bed. You stripped me naked, naked. Poor me, even my panties, you nasty” she pointed at me before crawling onto the bed “I did, you had no bra on anyways Sofia, I didn’t know. I just stripped you and then masturbated over your your body” I chuckled, Sofia climbed onto my lap facing me “is mini Cassius asleep? And that is nasty!” Sofia moved the covers back “what a weird looking creature” moving Sofia’ hand away “so is your face, now tell me” holding Sofia’ hands in mine, she took in a deep breath, she sat here looking at my dick “so my mother said you’re the devil, that it was good that your spawn isn’t here. She is just wishing bad on me” that actually hurts to hear “wow” I said in shock “who told you this?” That’s evil, even by my mothers standards “my mother said she doesn’t want me pregnant by you, she is just wishing bad vibes on me” that is so sad “Ivy told me” she said in a whisper “but how do you know she is not lying? You know she does that a lot?” Sofia shrugged “has to be, I saw Celine and she was saying I’m having a hard time trying. It makes sense, it connects” Sofia is dying to cry “you can cry Sofia” she shrugged not trying to cry “what if they right” her voice all high pitched “they not though are they? You’re fine, shit is a little stressful right now and when we settle we will continue to try and then we can get help, I’ll pay it’s fine. Stop all of this Sofia. Honestly” I hate Sofia crying, she sobbed out face planting onto my chest “I will make you happy Sofia, I promise you this” I will make her dream come true.

When we get to Atlanta, again we are in a hotel but that is because we never got to go there and view a house. We just need to do it quick, get that over with so we can move into a house, a house she always wanted. I still checked up on the house I picked out, it’s still on sale so fingers crossed that we get it “so I packed everything, even your things, but you really not going to let me drive all that time, right?” rolling my eyes “if you gave up your car then maybe we wouldn’t need to drive but you stubborn as shit, I will drive of course. We can change over but we have the removals van, he already set off. We have a storage unit, see how good I am. I did this and you can’t even give up your car” Sofia side eyed me “excuse me, I am driving your money around” side eyeing her “liar, I have someone else doing that for me. I switched it up, it’s you and this car you won’t give up” Sofia huffed out as she walked into the bathroom, she knows it. She knows I am right “who is driving it?” Sofia asked “a friend, it’s all set out. Don’t worry” my burner phone started ringing, this is it and this is the time we need to go “yo” I said down the phone “it’s done” Lamar disconnected the phone, short and simple “let’s go then” she don’t need to do anything else but leave.

I haven’t told Sofia a small detail, that my friends are moving to Atlanta. I don’t know how she will feel about it “this is it Cassius, this is it! This is us, we moving in together properly, we doing this” closing the trunk “I know, we outta this bitch and onto something different. You think you ready for it? I mean, things will be different” Sofia wrapped her arms around my body “are you having doubts?” she questioned “no, not me anyways. I am just saying, it is a big thing to do but I am ready. Also, my friends are moving there” might as well tell her “where?” she spat “ATL?” Sofia frowned at me “oh, you’re joking with me right? New beginnings didn’t include them, Cassius why? I know it, you are taking the business there” she moved away from me “I only found this out yesterday and no, I am not doing anything. I am actually very happy they are coming, I was doubting because I didn’t feel like I wanted to be lonely, it’s a clean slate for us all. If you are going to always think that we are doing something wrong then we won’t work, I put with thottie Ivy. Shit is like that” Sofia just glared at me “Cassius, if I find out anything” she pointed at me “so help me god, we will continue to move until you stop!” I think she meant that, I mean I am not doing anything but she will go to the ends of the earth so I can change but I have.

[thevaudevillescene]

I had Jordyn in one ear asking me how to ring in a frozen margarita with Grand Marnier, Mike in my other ear asking if we have apple juice/where is the apple juice/is there a button in Micros for apple juice?, and Laurel behind me asking what the hell Jordyn was trying to ring in, when another woman came up and quickly said something to us. I asked her to repeat herself because I’d missed it the first time, and she said, “I just wanted to let you know, there’s a...very big mess in the ladies’ room.” I was like, “Oh, thank you, we’ll take care of it,” but I was distracted trying to explain the “miscellaneous item” function to Jordyn while Laurel was telling me what to upcharge for Grand Marnier and Mike was saying, “Am I missing the apple juice button? Can someone help me?”

Two hours later, Jordyn said, “Hey, did you ever see what the big mess was in the bathroom?” I said no and she was like, “Let’s go check it out!” I was already clocked out by this point, I was honestly just killing time until Laurel had a cigarette break and we could make out, so I went with Jordyn to the bathroom. We walked in and didn’t immediately see anything. The sinks were clear. The first stall was fine. It felt like a horror movie and I was becoming increasingly more nervous, then I realized why. “Jordyn...” “Yeah, dude, that smell...please, God...” We got to the handicapped stall, Jordyn nudged the door open, and-

Shit. Everywhere. In the toilet, on the toilet, on the floor, on the walls. It was almost to the ceiling. Jordyn looked at me in absolute panic and I must’ve looked the same, because before she had even completely turned around to leave, she was screaming for Laurel at the top of her lungs. She ran out of the bathroom as Laurel was coming out from behind the bar and she looked at both of us and went, “My God, what happened? Is there a body?” I said, “I wish it was a body.” Jordyn said, “Laurel, it’s so bad. It’s so bad. What do we do? Laurel, please!” She grabbed Laurel by the arm and pulled her into the bathroom. Laurel froze for a second, then said, “Holy shit. Ha, see what I did there? Jesus Christ, no, this is bad. Uhh...I’m a bartender. I am not cleaning this.” She texted the owner, who said the cleaning company was coming in the morning anyway so “it’s fine.” Laurel wrote back, “You’re grossly underestimating the situation, but okay.”

Kyle wanted to see it, so we let him go in and he immediately stumbled back out going, “DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Mike said, “How did that even happen?” Laurel went, “Well Mike, it came right out of someone’s asshole.” He said, “No, I know how, I just mean...how?” We tried to come up with plausible scenarios and then Laurel asked how much it would take to get each of us to clean it. Jordyn said a thousand dollars. I said twenty grand. Laurel said a million dollars and a hazmat suit. Mike said there was no price. Kyle said, “I dunno, 50, 60 bucks, probably.” Jesus Christ, Kyle. Know your worth!

[jprologic]

It’s 8:30 am on Saturday morning, and it looks like a bomb went off in my house.  Shameless photos forthcoming…

No shame image #1

No shame image #2

No shame image #3

The past week was consumed with crunch time preparations leading up to Michael’s art show last night.  Right now there are boxes of table décor, trays, and stacks of cocktail napkins on my counter.  The bottom of my insulated cooler bag used to haul the grapes, cheese, crackers etc, is saturated in olive juice.  There is a stack of weekly laundry in a corner in the hallway upstairs – it’s not even in a basket.  There is something mysterious and sticky on the kitchen floor, and a strange smell coming from the trash can.  The only thing that I was able to do yesterday before leaving for the show was to wipe down the bathroom sink, the toilet, and make the beds.  You know what? That is good enough.  All of that mess got us this beautiful food table at the art show…which was DIY’s be myself and a friend:

I wouldn’t have purposefully had an impromptu after party at our house last night, but if I did get stormed with friends at the door, then I wouldn’t have totally died of embarrassment.  The reason is because I have done my cleaning on a cycle for long enough that it can go a week with only touch ups when we get busy.  The cleaning cycle is clutch for a happy and busy life.

I have found that when you put a cleaning cycle into your routine, it takes only 30 minutes to 1 hour per day and everything gets done a little at a time.  This means that the rest of the time you get to live life.

The structure is very easy; there are daily chores like dishes and sweeping, and weekly chores like dusting and vacuuming.  Then there is weekly deep cleaning chores for a specific area.  For instance, week 1 of the month is the kitchen and dining room.  Week 2 is the living room and entry.  You get to customize this to what makes sense for you. Thinking in terms of what makes the most sense is how you beat overwhelm.

The how to…

Cycle cleaning isn’t something I though of, it’s just something that I’ve improved upon and customized for myself.  When I was newly married (the first time), I found this wonderful women online who called herself the Flylady.  Her system is simple and structured broken up into tidbits throughout the week. It is a wonderful launching pad for anyone looking to begin a household cleaning schedule.

I began by using her detailed cleaning lists per room, and then added or subtracted my own tasks based on the needs and layout of my own homes.  By making a master list of everything that I want done room by room, I can do the deeper tasks by rotation and never have to try and remember when the last time I washed the curtains was.  I may not wash the woodwork every month, or even every 3 months, but eventually it does get done because it’s on the list.

Below is a snapshot of my own personal detailed cleaning list.  I didn’t get fancy, I didn’t make a cute printable, it’s just legal paper that I laminated.  When I do a task, I mark it off with a dry erase marker.  When I come back around the following 4-6 weeks, I will start with the tasks that are not marked off.  I also keep a list of all of my household cleaning products at the top so that I can do inventory at the end of my cleaning.  I make a lot of my own cleaners, but when I am low on what I do purchase, I add it to the grocery list.  This way I’m not buying everything all at once…

TIP: Keep your cleaning list on your checklist so you can constantly take inventory

Here are the chores that I do daily:

Wash dishes

Make beds

Deep clean counters & stove top

Sweep floors

Wipe down bathroom pieces

Tidy & put away

Here are the chores that I do weekly:

Laundry & Ironing

Dusting every room

Wash all floors

Prior to partaking in my deep zone cleaning, I make sure that all of my daily and weekly chores are done.  This way if I need to stop for any reason, the bear necessities have been completed.

Take into account your energy levels & lifestyle…

The other aspect of a joyful cleaning cycle is to manage your energy.  I may have too much going on to wash every room’s woodwork every month, but then again there may be a month where it does get done.  Tasks such as cleaning the ceiling fan, washing the inside and outside of the windows, taking down the blinds; these tasks may not get done monthly, but the next time you come though to deep clean you add them in.

In order to build a system that works, considering your lifestyle needs to be a factor.  For instance, to save my kitchen floor, I purchased a weather proof deck box.  It was about $50 and it’s impenetrable.  Since we enter into the house from the backyard most of the time, my personal rule is that I either change my shoes before I leave the barn for home, or put my barn boots in the deck box before entering the house. This is a simple idea that saves me from the inevitable extra sweeping/mopping had I worn the shoes to cross the kitchen and into the basement.  Simple evaluation will be more than helpful in building a sustainable system.

A note on perspective and finding joy in home cleaning

I understand physics.  Energy is in everything no matter how dormant the object.  Energy is what emotions are made up of as well.  Think about how many conversations, good days, bad days, arguments, laughter, grief and the like you have expressed within the walls of your home.  Now imagine those emotions sticking to your walls in the form of dust, dirt and dander.  I like to do this because it’s a great motivation to clean it up.

Dirt is cumulative in the same ways that emotions are when they are not evaluated and released.  Dirt will continue to pile upon dirt until an opposite force opposes it.  After a day of hard living, it is my pleasure to wash away the energetic byproducts of the day so that balance can be restored and a fresh slate prevails for the upcoming morning.  I’m not saying that every single day the house is spotless, I’m saying that I only allow 2 days tops of not doing anything before I go in and cleanse.  After a while you realize that it’s easier and less time consuming to wipe away one layer of dirt rather than 48 hours worth.

House work can be a pleasure if you let it be. For me it’s a time to reconnect with my surroundings and let inspiration hit me for things like design or maintenance.  Other times it can be used as a moving mediation where I practice staying mindful as I let the dirty water going down the drain represent anything feeling or belief that I no longer need.  Really good cleaning products that smell wonderful or that you lovingly make yourself can be yet another element that you add to bring in joy.  For me the sparkly space and some minor décor rearrangements help to remind me that a fresh new day/week is upon me.

In conclusion,

There will be times where you can’t get to the cleaning and tidying will have to be good enough.  This week in particular was a testament to this for me.  We lost someone close to us, and the last thing that any of us wanted to do was clean.  The good news is that since everything is done on a cycle, we had breathing room.  The laundry having been done means that we didn’t run out of necessities.  The floors being done meant that we only had to quickly sweep up…if we had wanted to.  In short, “keeping up”, means that even if you pause to rest or awhile you still won’t fall behind.

  In joyful service,

Bonus: As you start to open up more free time for yourself and your family, take some inspiration from below and make good memories!

  Household Management Series: Simple & Joyful Cleaning It's 8:30 am on Saturday morning, and it looks like a bomb went off in my house. 

[chicagomaddie]

Week The First

Week 1: Monday June19th-Thursday June 22nd

Boom. I have officially made it one week in Chicago. To all of you who thought I would be dead right now, kindfully stick that in your juice-box and suck it.

I now understand why my mom was so cranky on week days throughout my childhood. As it turns out, sitting in an office all day can really break a spirit, no matter how awesome that office is. My workplace is fantastic. Everyone here is helpful and friendly and the amenities are outstanding (ping pong table am I right?) however I am unaccustomed to staying in one place all. day. long. I learned quickly however, that the normal work rules do not apply so much here. Lunch is whenever I want wherever I want. I can stay out for an hour (although I have been out to lunch thrice now with coworkers and we were definitely away for longer than that). I have eaten at take-away spots, on the steps of the river, and at two classy joints (paid for on the company card!) I am usually given 1-2 tasks to compete each day but they do not last me very long so I end up having to entertain myself (I ordered a rubix cube that should come in any day now). Also the new bane of my existence is meetings. Any kind of meeting. I hate them.

Believe it or not, the best and worst part of my day is my commute. I take the purple line in and the brown line out. Now, the reason the infamous L train is my least favorite part of my day is the obvious: people up in my face, nothing to hold on to, crowded, etc. However, it is simultaneously my favorite part because it is almost a reflection period for me. I have my headphones in and I am watching the people, all different kinds of people going to many different places. I am observing them: their fashion, their scent, their facial expression, their posture. It is a very stimulating environment for an actor/writer. It is also a beautiful view of the city passing by. Yesterday, the clouds were so vanilla and the green on the trees were crisp and it was all just a very appealing accompaniment to my music on my ride home. Sometimes I have out of body experiences on the L. I just cannot believe that this is my life: commuting and working in the city.

My apartment should be in a television show. It is completely unique and I am already so attached to it. It is huge, and older, and the ceilings are high. The water pressure sucks, some of the dry wall is cracked, the floors need to be stained but damnit it is so perfect I never want to leave. Additionally, my neighborhood is thriving. Everything I need are in walking distance (which is good and bad $$$$) and I feel oh so safe (I still carry mace). I have a pretty good running path mapped out by now and I signed up for a kickboxing class to get a better handle on my anger (a joke).

While the first two nights alone here tested my emotions greatly (imagine: a grown woman pathetically crying herself to sleep), I know that they were worth it. The loneliness can be overwhelming at times, but friends are being made, relationships are developing, and I already have weekend plans to explore with some friends and see some improv. Just last night I hung out with a friend from high school (One in Christ reunites) and tried out a taco joint I have been eyeing. This really goes to show that there is ALWAYS something to do, something to see, something to try, and something to eat.

I am good here. I am figuring shit out (like if you are going to uber to work, take the downtown traffic into account). I have toilet paper and food in the fridge so I am set for a while. It is mind blowing here in every sense of the phrase.

Much love,

Maddie