#because some nice guy sees mac alone and joins him. and dennis sees this happen and does nothing except. well be emotional

[sunnykeysmash]

ik that's dee but dennis is gonna be looking at mac's date as well so, do you see the vision here

[alwayssunnyprompts]

They Say We are Asleep (Until We Fall in Love)

He’s lying on his back in Mac’s bed, and the weight of the universe seems to be pushing down on his chest. Like his body is the only thing stopping the sky from crumbling, crashing down into the earth. 

Dennis tries to avoid making eye contact with Mac as much as he can, but his energy is palpable, his arm pressed up against Dennis’, his eyes warm and kind, crinkled up into the gentle expression that Dennis sees far too much these days. 

He’s eagerness and excitement and something else entirely, something too thunderous and precious and dangerous to name and suddenly everything is too small, too closed in, too tight to hold it all. 

Dennis feels too small for it, too.

The pressure of Mac’s arm almost hurts, the contact simultaneously awakening and shutting down every inch of him. His eyes flick over to Mac for a split second and something explodes in him, and he needs to snuff it out. 

He shifts his hips uncomfortably and his skin starts to prickle as his body is overcome with the restless need to move, to escape. The sense of claustrophobia is closing in, the pressure so dense and heavy and he needs to do something or he’ll scream. But everything in him is so tangled and dark and confused that he barely even knows what he’s feeling. 

So when he starts talking, he doesn’t really know where it’s coming from. What he’s talking about. His mouth quivers. 

“W-what is this, man? What are we doing? I-I don’t wanna do this anymore, can we stop?” The words tumble out like one rushed sentence and once they’re free he doesn’t know if he regrets breaking the silence. But they’re...quiet. Honest. More honest than anything he’s said in a long time. 

Mac’s smile fades. 

“Huh?”

Dennis breathes heavily, trying not to panic at the wound he’s opened within himself. The vulnerability disgusts him, makes his head spin and his brain feel like it’s swallowing him whole. It’s so deeply wrong. Violent. Raw. Overwhelming. 

“No, no, we can’t stop now! We’re right on track.” Mac’s voice is so soft and caring that Dennis wants to rip his hair out. His body is ablaze with the need to act out. 

Why is Mac pushing him? Why is he being so...supportive? It doesn’t make sense. 

And maybe he doesn’t just mean the scheme. This whole situation feels off. An achingly familiar feeling of detachment washes over him. This doesn’t feel right at all. He’s struck, suddenly, with the realization that this—trying so hard for what essentially amounted to a one-night stand with a woman he couldn’t give a shit about if he tried—doesn’t feel right anymore. In fact, he doesn’t feel much of anything anymore, and none of the old vices—sex, drugs, alcohol—quite fill the void like they used to. Maybe the void has gotten bigger, deeper, more inescapable. Maybe giving in is inevitable, but he can’t find it in himself to care.

He’s just...exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. 

“I don’t know, man. I just...it just feels like a lot of effort. If feels desperate, you know what I mean? Like...I never put this much work into banging some cute meat.” 

It’s not a lie so much as it’s a twisting of the facts. Truthfully, the effort he’d put into D.E.N.N.I.S-ing countless women hadn’t felt like effort, hadn’t felt hard, hadn’t seemed nearly impossible and grueling because, at the time, he’d convinced himself that’s what he wanted. And maybe he had wanted it. At the very least, he thought he did. But none of it ever filled the hole in him, just quieted down the echo of its emptiness for a short time. Now, even the thought of trying to impress some random woman is torturous. It feels forced, it feels meaningless. After all, he isn’t going to spend his life with any of them, that much is clear. 

He hears Mac shift on the bed, moving to sit up, confusion in his voice. 

“Cute meat?” 

A flush of embarrassment heats Dennis’ face, pulls him back from the edge for a moment. 

“‘Cute meat,’” he fires back immediately, trying to keep it light. “That was your phrase.” 

“No, Dennis. ‘Meet-Cute.’” 

“It has a name, Mac. Its name is Lisa.” 

He tries to humanize her, but even that comes out flat. He thinks that maybe saying her name will drum up some feelings, awaken some long-dormant drive, but it doesn’t. He feels nothing for this woman. And she has a husband, who is staying in their home. There are so many facets of Mac’s plan that have fallen apart that it’s hardly a scheme anymore. They’re just renting out his room to a nice couple for some cash. Anything else is a pipe dream. The hope of him finding love with this woman is a fantasy at best. Upsettingly, he is deeply relieved by the thought, a considerable weight lifting from his chest. 

Mac grins, and a place deep inside of Dennis thaws. He hates how reactive his body is to Mac sometimes, how Mac seems to instinctively know how to smooth his jagged edges. He isn’t even trying to. He just does. Dennis isn’t even sure Mac is conscious that he has this power. In fact, he’s positive he isn’t. Mac is nothing if not absolute garbage at interpreting other people’s feelings. Yet, even through his obliviousness, he’s blindingly bright in all of the ways Dennis needs him to be, in all of the ways he hates and reveres and tries desperately to ignore. 

So when Dee knocks and shatters the moment with her squawking, he jumps at the opportunity to remove himself from this situation. His mind is already calming down, his heart rate slowing to a more normal rhythm. As he curls up on the couch, comfortably cool and finally, blessedly,  alone, he finds himself wondering, for just a second, what it would have been like to wake up with Mac’s arms around him. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Mac winks at him. A dramatic and childish gesture, but sends Dennis’ stomach plummeting. He feels his practiced disgust for only a second before the feeling morphs and flutters back into his chest, igniting there. Its pleasantness is undeniable. He smiles. It’s hesitant and small and mostly unintentional, but it’s happened before he can force himself not to. He’d missed this, this flow with Mac. Their easy rhythm. Everything can feel so easy with him, so manageable. It feels like coming home. He blinks, adjusts his face, and pulls the feelings back before they become too obvious. Thank God Mac has turned away from him, leaning towards his bedroom door. 

“Now, the plan is in motion for you.”

“Woah, woah, woah. What do you mean the plan is in motion for me? I thought I was out.” He wishes his hands would stop shaking, it’s very distracting. The surface of his coffee ripples and sways, betraying the movement. He shoves a hand in his pocket, forcing the other to grip the mug tighter. 

“Remember when we were saying that the female romantic lead would never cheat?”

“Uh-huh,” he responds, needing an explanation immediately. He tries to take a deep breath but it comes out as a forceful huff, and he definitely doesn’t feel any better. 

“Well, I overheard Lisa saying to Greg that she, ‘Misses Teddy.’ Huh? Why would she tell Greg that she misses the guy she cheated with?” He lets the information sink in for less than half a second before continuing, “Unless, she didn’t cheat on him with Teddy. Maybe Teddy is a platonic friend from high school that makes Greg jealous.”

Dennis feels his face heating up, takes a small sip of coffee to try and ground himself. 

“Don’t you know what this means? Lisa is still a romantic lead, which means?”

He’s staring at Dennis expectantly. 

He realizes that Mac has cued him up to answer the question. Everything in him is screaming stop. It takes a Herculean effort for him not to actually scream, biting his tongue in an attempt to use the pain to distract from the urge. 

Mac is smiling.

Dennis feels sick. His head is pounding furiously, his heart joining in on the relentless rhythm. His palms are sweaty. He wants to be left alone, but absolutely cannot be alone right now. He wants to yell at Mac but he doesn’t want Mac out of his sight and he’s just so tired. The wildfire in his chest is kept from destroying him only by the wave of numb indifference blanketing his body. 

But Mac is smiling. 

He already knows the answer, but he needs to say it. 

“I’m still your leading man.” 

A death sentence from his very own lips.

He wants to go to sleep.

“Yeah!” 

He glances at Mac, tearing his eyes away as quickly as he can. The hole inside him is cavernous. Any semblance of peace he’d found in abandoning the scheme shatters. Dull, cold dread settles in the pit of his stomach, and in a hazy sort of hysteria he imagines what would happen if he actually did vomit on the rug, right here, right now. Mac would probably take care of him. The thought soothes and sickens him in equal measure. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

“Now this is your moment, Mac,” he whispers urgently. “Just remember, speak from the heart. Sweep him off his feet.” 

He feels nervous. Why does he feel nervous? He’s barely involved in this plan, all he has to do is control the music. He can do that. It’s one button. 

Maybe they should have rehearsed or something. Greg didn’t need to be here at all for that. In fact, his patience has worn thin concerning this whole thing, and he just wants them out of his home. He could coach Mac through a romantic speech just as easily without them around to intrude. And as Mac starts talking, Dennis wishes that Greg would just leave. He doesn’t deserve to hear this. 

The sudden urge to cut out the middleman stops him in his tracks, and he becomes acutely aware of the situation he finds himself in. He feels too conscious of everything, the pressure of the air on his skin, the rough hems of his shirtsleeve on his forearms, the edge of the counter against his back. He is standing in the kitchen of his apartment, of their apartment, listening to Mac profess his love to a perfect stranger. A man that means nothing to him. A man that doesn’t even know him at all. 

He should feel more jealous than he does.

It’s a realization that he doesn't the mental energy to process, so he shoves it down. 

What distracts him from the treacherous thoughts, from the heated fire of jealousy, are the gentle waves of contentment washing over him as he listens to Mac speak, loud and passionate and ridiculous. His eyes slide shut for a few seconds and lets the words warm him, lets them echo through him. Imagines that he and Mac are alone, like they’ve always been–the Dynamic Duo, the two of them against the world. The evening would be golden and hazy, they'd be a little too drunk and way too close together on the couch. Mac’s words would be hushed, and he’d hang on to every lilt, every pause, every soft giggle as Mac inched closer, closing what infinitesimal space was left between them. He would finally feel held, finally feel at peace, a little less breakable, a little more fragile. 

He’s dangerously lost in the fantasy, and he’s just about to force himself out when–

“Teddy was our son.”

“He died of leukemia.”

The music. 

“Oh, you know what, let me–”

He feels half asleep as he scrambles for the CD player, and shit, his hands aren't cooperating, and his brain is partly stuck on Mac’s words and partly stuck on dead kid, and he compromises by skipping through the rest of the playlist before slamming the pause button. 

“S-sorry. I don’t have a–uh–dead kid appropriate…”

Jesus Christ. The gravity of the situation still isn’t hitting. He’s stuck in the limbo of the emotional whiplash he just experienced, and thank god Mac is here, because he could not handle the rest of the conversation. He’s speaking, but his mind is somewhere else. 

“I guess we’re not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all,” Mac says, and something about that breaks through to him. 

He hates this. He’s been miserable for days as he humored Mac’s plan, trying to make him happy, to distract him. Maybe this was how Mac felt all the times he's tried to cater to his every whim. It’s exhausting. 

“Mac?” 

He tries not to let his voice tremble.

Mac approaches him, concern on his face.

“I’m sorry, Dennis. We can try again, find a different woman, make sure she’s single this time! I can change the plan and it’ll be good as new, you know I’m very adaptable—”

“Mac.” 

“Yeah?” He perks up, a tiny, involuntary smile playing on his lips. Mac’s smiles have a way of reaching his eyes no matter how small or quick, no trace of insincerity or forced emotion no matter how hard Dennis searched his face. Dennis has spent hours of his life seeing Mac smile, and not once has it seemed disingenuous. It’s almost admirable. 

The smile fades though, back into Mac’s most common expression around him—loving concern, a touch of confusion. He’s taken too long to respond. 

“I don’t... I don’t want that. You don’t need to keep–” his voice is thick with emotion, his throat feels raw and tight. He just wants Mac to hear him. He doesn’t want to have to say it. 

“You okay, man?” 

Something about the question ignites his anger. How does Mac not understand? How can he be so oblivious to how he’s feeling? He is not okay. Everything feels so loud, so strong, that its unthinkable that someone wouldn’t notice. He should stop, he should close his mouth and go to his room and try not to be too loud when he breaks down. But his mouth is moving ahead of his brain. 

“No, Mac. I’m not.”

The words carry a weight that hangs heavy over the room. They’ve been true for so long that he doesn’t even feel better for finally saying them. 

Mac’s face fills with glossy-eyed worry, his hand reaching out instinctively, maybe with the intention of checking his temperature, maybe just to rest on his shoulder, but he thinks better of it. Mac’s expression urges him to continue. 

“L-look...you said you had that...that thing inside of you. Remember?”

He nods, squinting.

“Well...with me it’s–” he breathes heavily, “it’s different. I’m empty. I have this...hole inside of me that I can’t fill. And it’s so deep that it aches.”

“Maybe–” 

 “I’m not like you, Mac.” There isn’t any hostility in his voice. He’s too tired.  

“Well...maybe the thing inside of me can fill the thing inside of you.” 

Everything is suspended in a thick layer of silence and time seems to wind to a stop.

Mac steps forward. Dennis flinches, but doesn’t run away. Mac’s leaning towards him and his fight or flight isn’t kicking in. Something is wrong, but it isn’t. His stomach is turning and his heart is racing and he thinks he might pass out.  Mac presses his lips to Dennis’, and something unlocks in him. He can’t control himself, can’t help but melt under Mac’s touch. 

“Fuck you,” he breathes into Mac’s mouth. “Fuck you.” 

“It’s okay,” Mac says, breathless and awed.

“It hurts, Mac,” he whispers. “It hurts.”

“I know,” he says. 

He pauses, presses a kiss to Dennis’ forehead. 

Reaches down to take his hand.

“Let me help.”

[trashangel-dee]

do you still do chardee prompts? because i have a mighty need for dee's perspective when charlie passed out because of blood loss and got taken to the hospital and it seemed like dee was super worried about him and relieved when he woke up, but i'm not a writer unfortunately.

Here it is! 

It didn’t turn out great, I was hoping for something more angsty and with more of Dee’s thoughts, but it just wouldn’t come to me.

Sorry about constantly changing tenses, it’s a bad habit, I know.

Initially, Dee was thrilled for the last round of the game. There was no way Charlie could handle being beratedby the Waitress, he would crumble quickly and the Golden Geese would easilysecure another victory. This might even be what it takes for him to finally getover her and they could thankfully be done with the irritating and pitiful pining, even better if he would shift some of that focus on her; though that last part was a little harder to think. As annoying and pathetic as his few attempts to hit on her in the past were, it was kind of nice. Honestly, as much as she wanted to be sexy and desirable, she really liked when it was just them doing whatever, supportingeach other as equals.   

In Dee’s mind, it was supposed to play out like this: the Waitressbitches at Charlie, he breaks, she and Dennis stomp Charlie and Mac’s pieces and brag a bit before Dennis loses interest in her and inevitably fucks offwith Mac, leaving Dee and Charlie alone. They’ll open a few beers, joke, and he’ll remember how easy things are with her. 

 Instead, the Waitress starts yelling and Charlie is sobbing before he’s suddenly on the floor, and not responding to anyone and Dee decides this game isn’t fun anymore. Mac is shouting because they lost, Dennis looks so smug that he won again, and Dee feels like she'sthe only one that actually cares about Charlie instead of the stupid game andit makes her angry. Dee doesn't know why but she's kneeling on the floor nextto him, softly murmuring and she can hear someone judging, "Jesus Christ, Dee", but she doesn't evencare. Maybe it's because it's been a full minute and Charlie still isn't moving, or that she looks too worried to fightback but Dennis announces "Shit, guys, I think he needs to go to a hospital." 

 Injuries were common in the game, even alittle beneficial if it helped weaken the other team, but it usually took alittle gauze and a few beers and things were back to normal, but now the four of them are sitting in a hospital waiting room with theguys whispering to each other, and whatever it's about it's turning into anargument; Dee finds it much more irritating than usual and isyelling at them before realizing it, "godammit you guys. Charlie could be really hurt andyou're arguing about stupid shit."  

----------- 

She and Dennis stand outside the hospital door, and Dee’s conflictedby her desire to shove Dennis out of the way and rush in, or to hide back, away from reality a little longer. Of course, Dennis decides forher, pushing ahead putting on a show of concern for any nurses watching,and acting like he's the leader of the gang. 

They enter the room, and Charlie’s there but he’s still not awake and holy fuck, why is this so scary? They made a blood oath and Dee’s not entirely sure what that means outside of the scheme, but it means something; Charlie can’t break it, he has to be okay. He’s pretty much invincible; he should be sitting up and messing with buttons that shouldn’t be touched, requesting weird combinations off the menu, and driving everyone crazy; be her teammate again. She lets Dennis lead, and Dee has to stop herself from sitting on his bed like she did last time he was here, because it seems way too intimate now, yet she wants to be the first person he sees when he wakes up.  

Instead she places her hands on his knee, and her voice comes out so soft it's almoststartling, "hey, Charlie, you awake?" and Dennis gives her a strange look, but she doesn’t even care because this is more important.  

There’s a flash of a thought, of how theroles were almost reversed earlier, the familiar tinge of annoyance she felt when Dennis drew the ‘Hands on a BirdBody’ card, then unease upon realizing there was a 50% chance that Charlie wouldhave to play, and the awkwardness and tension that could bring. Mac and Charlie, and Frank and Andy break awayinto two groups while Dee climbs onto a stool feeling like an idiot on display, and Dennis positions himself next to her, and whispers something,but Dee’s not listening.  

 She half considers commenting how maybebeing touched by one of these dickbags is gross to her, too, when she locks eyes with Charlie in a heated discussion with Mac; there’s a moment when they bothknow this can’t happen, and suddenly Mac is throwing his hands up in the air,clearly upset, and Dee realizes that he must have lost, and she’s never been so relieved to have to deal with Mac.  

 She can’t help but wonder how that would’ve went. Would he have thrown the level just for show? Would it bring back too many memories to continue? Maybe, he would’ve lasted the longest,just to prove to the others that she wasn’t so bad, that they were strong together. Dee tries the hardest to shove down the question of how he would’ve touched her. 

Dennis has a plan, they'll be there when he comes to, lull him into a false sense of security, then remind him that they won again, before stomping the shit out of their flag; then he makes some dick comment about her bad acting and Dee considers "accidently" stepping on his foot.  

Dennis starts calling his name, and it seemsto be working because Charlie stirs a little, and Dee joins in rubbing his lega little, hoping the soothing action will help wake him. Finally, he blinks,and Dee is so alleviated she's tempted to rest her forehead against his, toconvey how happy she is to have him safe. 

Dennis starts talking, rubbing in how hebroke when the Waitress started in on him, and Dee feels a bit of joy seeingCharlie realize how bad she is for him. It's a nice moment, before Dennis snaps her out of it, reminding her of the plan- they'renot there for a happy reunion, to be real friends caring about each other. Shewalks away, grabbing a book of matches and the losing team's flag, ready tostart the victory ritual; Dennis says one last thing before joining her.  

They finish stomping the flag, and Charlielooks so disappointed, but Dee can overlook it because at least he's okayand things feel almost normal again. Dennis cackles, and looks at her with pride, before exiting to let Mac in the room, leaving the two alone. There's an awkward moment of eye contact before Dee heads for the door, pausing to consider her next move, then lightly brushes his shoulder, sincerely stating “I'm really glad you're okay, Charlie.”  

  I’ll sit on it a few days, then do some fixing and post it to my ao3 prompts and ficlet collection, here. (ch 4, is kind of similar, too) 

 Anyway, hope it was at least close to what you had in mind. also, thank you for implying that I am a writer :)

 If anyone has prompts, send them to me!

[junker-town]

THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE: When Texas A&M snatched THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE honors from Texas

The Aggies didn’t just blow a 34-point lead. They also ruined what had been a delightful weekend of laughing at Texas and Baylor. Here was the online meltdown.

Texas A&M was winning its Week 1 game against UCLA, one day after former conference rivals Texas and Baylor had lost upsets.

Mood: Aggies http://pic.twitter.com/5NsqmCXF3h

— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) September 4, 2017

Texas A&M blew a 34-point lead and lost.

Texas: What a terrible opener Baylor: Hold my beer A&M: lololololololololol y’all ain’t seen nothin'

— TexAgs (@TexAgs) September 4, 2017

That fake-spike touchdown happened after the clock was already stopped.

Sumlin just made all of the shit I talked to UT invalid

— Jack R. Landingham (@KINGGJACK) September 4, 2017

Let’s check in and see how Aggies fans responded afterward.

A literal university regent immediately announced he intends to vote for Kevin Sumlin’s firing.

I'm sure I may be criticized for this post but I honestly don't care. I've been on the Board of Regents for the A&M System for almost seven years. During that time, I've not once commented on Kevin Sumlin and his performance during his tenure at our school. I never said a word when he and his agent manipulated a much bigger and longer contract. I said nothing about his arrogance and his mishandling of multiple player controversies. I said nothing when we had multiple awesome recruiting classes, only to see key players leave our school or underperform. But tonight I am very disappointed and I have to say this. Kevin Sumlin was out-coached tonight, which isn't new. He recruits well, but can't coach the big games, or the close games. Our players were better tonight. Our players were more talented tonight. But our coaches were dominated on national TV, yet again. I'm only one vote on the Board of Regents but when the time comes my vote will be that Kevin Sumlin needs to GO. In my view he should go now. We owe it to our school and our players. We can do better.

Share this as you see fit.

Shortly after that, the popular Aggie message board at TexAgs broke.

Live look at our site. Nice work, everyone. http://pic.twitter.com/4PIIlXBm72

— TexAgs (@TexAgs) September 4, 2017

Once the site was back up, the vibe was as follows.

Checking in on TexAgs... http://pic.twitter.com/gGfXlf0svy

— Jake Trotter (@Jake_Trotter) September 4, 2017

THREAD: “Legitimate Business Opportunity”

All,

With the inevitable collapse of Aggie football this year I would like to personally invite all of you to get in on the ground floor of my new up and coming business.

We will be selling tarps, similar to the ones at Baylor, to cover unsold seats for upcoming home games.

Kyle Field is a beautiful place and I would hate for the appeal to be ruined by empty seats. So join me in my quest to monopolize the college station tarp business and make Kevin Sumlin type money.

All name suggestions will be considered.

THREAD: “Not letting A&M ruin college football for me”

Instead of just giving up on college football because our season is over, I'm planning to just be a college football fan until Sumlin is fired. I hope we go 11-1 from here on out, but I'm not going to spend any time watching this team. I'm going to watch as much college football as I can, without all the normal thoughts that go through my head while watching games (ex/ is this good for A&M, etc), and just be a fan. We'll see how it goes.

The first reply:

Congratulations!

And the second:

We're all f'ed.

For so many reasons, my favorite current TexAgs thread is “Go Get Major Applewhite”

— Dan Wolken (@DanWolken) September 4, 2017

THREAD: “Things we could have bought with Sumlin’s salary this year”:

1. Twenty-five Lamborghini's

2. A really nice house

3. Ten private shows by Katy Perry

4. Seven Waffle Houses

5. 270,000,000 Skittles

Any one of those would have given us equal chance at beating UCLA.

THREAD: “Land Kiffin”

THREAD: “Ruined the TV remote”

THREAD: “SUMLIN SHOULD RESIGN”

ANY MAN WITH AN OUNCE OF SELF RESPECT AND LOVE FOR ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY WOULD RESIGN AFTER THAT.

FIRE. SUMLIN.

THREAD “OFFICIAL MELTDOWN THREAD”

Fire Sumlin and make him pay for his own plane ticket home. Mond needs to change positions.

I believe you described the "bargaining" stage of grief ... You have progressed passed the denial and anger stages which is good. Next is depression which will be tough. Let me know if you need someone to talk you through it.

The Aggies forum at 247Sports looked on the bright side.

THREAD: “well, let us and horns laugh at each other and feel better”

Horns lost to maryland in all aspects and we lost 34 point lead. we can all laugh at each other now and feel better about selfs.

THREAD: “It's okay guys we covered the spread”

National Champs in Moral Victories

THREAD: “My Saturdays just got wide open”

I didn't think it was possible, but I think I'm done watching or caring about A&M football for the foreseeable future. I came into this season about as unexcited as I've ever been for a football season and they just crushed my spirit in one half. I don't even know how to describe this feeling.

Things were not much better at AggieYell.com.

There is, of course, a GoFundMe to buy out Sumlin’s contract.

It’s well short of its $10 million goal, but it’s still early.

Let's not wait any longer. Let's buyout his contract ASAP. This inexcusable. On the bright side, if for some reason he doesn't get fired, we can use the money to buyout AD Woodward' s contact. Worse case, we'll donate it to BTHO Harvey relief efforts. Maybe we could hire Mattress Mac!

Here’s some of what happened at SB Nation’s A&M blog, Good Bull Hunting.

It looks like the Aggies will cover the spread here

— Good Bull Hunting (@GBHunting) September 4, 2017

One author was able to look on the bright side:

Texas A&M is back!

The Fightin’ Texas Aggies shocked the nation on Saturday with a display of running game domination never before seen by the UCLA Bruins. Texas A&M’s top three runners, RB Trayveon Williams, RB Keith Ford, and QB Kellen Mond combined for a staggering 371 yards and 5 touchdowns on the ground. Combined with an early defensive strategy that was aggressive and opportunistic, it is no surprise that A&M amassed 38 points in the first half alone against an opponent who was favored to win by 4.

The Aggies lost, obviously.

From a choose-your-own-adventure:

Chapter 1: This is Incredibly Easy

You are standing next to a field with a 34-point lead and 4:08 remaining in the 3rd quarter. You have assembled a masterpiece. The powerful running game you devised is matched only by the intensity of your defense.

Should you run down the play clock before snapping?

Yes.

No, we should snap the ball quickly because... identity?

Congratulations! You successfully completed the "protect a 34 point lead" scen- ... wait, what? Okay, you have decided not to run down the play clock.

If you click on “yes”:

A commenter requested a Kiffining:

A&M needs to offset this embarrassment with a fireinf

Fire the coaches tonight. On The tarmac at easterwood.

And a Texas fan stopped by:

Horns fan here. Holy #%@^

I don’t know which was worse, probably the Horns loss. But, this is why you should play the Horns, at least one of us would win a game.

Unbelievable.

Let’s check in on Reddit.

#Tradition? http://pic.twitter.com/1DGjoEH4qb

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) September 4, 2017

When an Aggie asked an Atlanta Falcons fan about what happens next:

At R/Aggies, the No. 2 post from the last month was when Texas lost. The No. 1 post arrived hours later.

The comments under the game story on AggieSports.com should not be turned into an A&M recruiting meme.

Surely you weren't fooled into thinking they had stopped playing in the Aggie tradition. A&M is where top high school players go to become chokers and previously successful coaches go to see their career ended. Some things NEVER change. At the end of the year when we fire Sumlin and hire another sucker it still won't change.

At halftime, Texas A&M’s Facebook page posted this graphic.

Other Facebookers pined for the glory days of Dennis Franchione ...

The Aggies have always left their fanbase disappointed and yes occasionally embarrassed. They stooped to a unbelievable new low and it's all Sumlin. God I thought no one could out do Fran, congrats Summy, YOU WIN!

... and R.C. Slocum.

only a moron can repetitively lose season after season,while in a commanding lead,and only a moronic athletic director and department cant see it,why dont you just bring back RC Sloacombe so we can all predict the plays instead of just the outcome.

If Sumlin is still the head coachin the morning I won’t watch the rest of the season.

Call Scott Woodward, Director of Athletics, Phone: 979-845-5129

Tell him that Sumlin has to go.

But the finale post was even rowdier.

Other Facebook statuses were equally aggrieved, including several calling for the team to just attempt coachlessness.

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Fire Kevin Sumlin now! IDC if we don't have a coach the rest of the year....

Posted by Rick Wilk on Sunday, September 3, 2017

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Dear Texas A&M: Please fire Kevin Sumlin tonight. We will play just as good without a coach. Disgustedly, Football fans

Posted by Linda McFarland on Sunday, September 3, 2017

This isn’t how a firing works.

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It would be good bull to fire Kevin Sumlin and donate his buyout money to a Harvey charity

Posted by Chris Elam on Sunday, September 3, 2017

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Fire Kevin Sumlin .... he couldn't coach if he owned a bus company.

Posted by Lincoln Terrell on Monday, September 4, 2017

On Twitter, some people have changed their names to calls for Sumlin’s firing.

The comments under a TexAgs Facebook post of Sumlin’s presser delved into the real issues ...

... such as Sumlin being bad at unfucking situations with his hands ...

1 thing I noticed that was telling was Sumlin was engaged and hands on with his players in the first half, especially the line. The 2nd half he had a pure lack of emotion or fire. He always does this, when the game goes sideways he has no words or physical movements to fire his players up and re focus. He often states blankly into the nearest scoreboard as to wait for a response from the screen to tell him how to unfuck the situation. The only way to describe it is when you watch a war movie and the bullets are flying, explosions everywhere, people dying and there is that 1 soldier who just goes into shock and another soldier has to make him come to reality and get back in the fight... a&m doesn't have a veteran soldier to get our shell shocked coaches head back in the game unfortunately...

... as well as all the rap music and chewing gum, two things Josh Rosen clearly took advantage of during those fourth quarter drives ...

Sumlin will loose the teams focus now for the rest of the year. 4-8 season. Receivers suck. Kirk is good. The OL and DL played hard. I didn't see them give up. But they played with the plays they were given. Why not just run the ball. Didn't play tight ends. Didn't work with clock. I'm beyond frustrated. That game was in the bag. Coaches let them score 35 damn points! How does that happen? He threw Mond out on national TV to figure it out... he shouldn't have been put in that position. Hubenak should have been brought in as soon as Mond couldn't get the ball moving. The arrogance of Sumlin. If I could get my season pass money back I WOULD!

Time to have discipline!

Lack of discipline. Where to start?

-No more uniform changes.

-No more rap music at practice.. I see a lot of dancing around.

-No more celebrating before the clock says 00:00. Shouldn't have been celebrating on the first damn play!

-No more kids disrespecting the head coach on the sideline.

-No more chewing gum on the sideline Sumlin.

To be a winning team you need a head coach like Saban. He would never allow the above to happen.

I'm so damn pissed I can't even think straight!

... and the entire rest of the coaching staff, lest we only fire Sumlin ...

As bad as Sumlin is i can't beleive nobody is calling for Chevis head....what has this guy brought to ATM? He got destroyed by Tennessee Alabama, LSU and now UCLA.....Chevis and Sumlin are horrible coaches.....I imagine that Sumlin won't be here by next weekend....

... and goodness, do these Aggies hate chewing gum or what?

The coaches lost that game for the entire team, in the second half! How can you allow a team to score 30+ points while you stand on the side line smacking your bubblegum & do nothing about it??? Sumlin needs to stay in cali!

And finally, from the Sumlin presser Facebook comments, one spouse who’s ... well ...

My hubby was at the lake all afternoon/evening, and kept his phone off so he wouldn't know what happened.

This is from my mother.