#because they all grew as musicians! and every project has a new voice and perspective and purpose that evolves with them.

[sendmyresignation]

bullets revenge and bp are all nonskip albums imo. DD i have to skip summertime i'm sorry gerard love that ur in love but that song is Boring and why is it on the post-apocalyptic rebels album

you are skipping summertime and NOT the noisecore american national anthem???? call summertime boring to ray toro's fucking fac-

joking aside hehe. bullets is the only album for me that has concrete skips (best day.) but even if it didn't i think comparing bullets to revenge or tbp, even if it's your favorite? crazy. and i love bullets. it's just not at the same caliber it's laughable so when people say "bullets is their only noskip only perfect record" the Implications there unnerve the mind....

[shemakesmusic-uk]

HARD FEELINGS, the new collaborative project of Hot Chip's Joe Goddard and Amy Douglas, have signed to Domino and unveiled their debut outing 'Holding On Too Long' which is teamed with a Katie Paul-directed video. Douglas says of their debut single, "'Holding On Too Long' is the common denominator of the entire musical union of Amy and Joe. In this "opera of sad bangers" here is its key aria, its "Un Bel Di" from Madame Butterfly or the "Mad Scene" from Lucia Di Lammermour, the unforgettable moment of the story wherein our heroine stands up defiantly and has her moment to wail, scream and cry her pain and fury centre stage to the world." HARD FEELINGS was formed after Goddard reached out to Douglas on Twitter after hearing her work, and simply asking: "Amy, can we make a thing?" [via Line Of Best Fit]

After recently announcing her debut album Flaw Flower is due June 25 via Illegal Data, London-based musician Harriet Zoe Pittard, aka Zoee, is sharing another slice of her multi-faceted art-pop sounds with her new single'Host'. Speaking about the track, Zoee said "‘Host’ describes the disconcertingly replicant-like nature of a once starry-eyed lover who becomes increasingly detached. The video is inspired by The Twilight Zone and was shot on location in a forest close to where I grew up in Berkshire."

Nashville-based songwriter Madi Diaz releases 'Nervous,' a new single about recognizing unhealthy coping mechanisms. The song’s frank lyrics are bellied by infectious guitar and Diaz’s buoyant voice: “I know why I lie to myself // I’m not really looking to get healthy // I have so many perspectives I’m losing perspective I make me nervous.” The accompanying video was shot in Nashville and directed by Jordan Bellamy. It was inspired by and includes an homage to the final scene of Andrei Tarkovsky's film The Stalker, a film that has always resonated with Diaz through its otherworldly nature, as well as its thoughtful and often anxiety inducing pace. “You know when you hold a mirror up to a mirror and you get an infinite amount of reflections from every angle? That’s what ‘Nervous’ is about,” says Diaz. “It’s when you’re in a loop of looking at yourself from every vantage point until you’re caught up in your own tangled web of bullshit. It’s about catching yourself acting out your crazy and you’re finally self-aware enough to see it, but you’re still out of your body enough and curious enough to watch yourself do it.”

Buzzy duo XVOTO have announced that their eagerly-awaited debut EP will be arriving on June 4 on One Two Many. Sharing new single ‘Friends’ alongside the news, Jazz Alonso explains that the track is rooted in “the people who have irreversibly changed you and then having to pretend you’re unphased by them when you’re in the same room. Meanwhile you’re trying to work out what your new boundaries are: can you talk about the past? Can you cry together? Can you show how much pain you’re in around them? ‘If you fish me, I’ll play dead’ means: if you make a move, I’ll pretend I’m dead inside and don’t want you back.” Accompanied by a new vid, Jazz adds, “For this video I always imagined an aquarium because of the fish lyrics and because I think looking at fish in a tank is a really nice symbol of looking back at a relationship: you’ll always have your take on it and feel you have control over that narrative cause it’s a memory, but the reality is that truth is fluid and moves. You’re not looking at an image, you’re looking at something that’s alive. Then the scenes of us getting tattooed on our backs are symbols for something beautiful that scars you - you might move on from something but it’ll still inform the way you move forward. In the video there’s some cheating, some reminiscing, some beauty and some pain.” [via DIY]

Ashe has released new cut 'Me Without You' as the latest singe off her debut album Ashlyn. It comes teamed with a Jason Lester-directed video. Ashe says of the new single, "'Me Without You' is my follow up to 'Moral Of The Story'. It's saying you thought that I needed you to be who I am. There is my past relationship...I had multiple people... You know, assumed that I needed them in my life to feel confident or to be me and "Me Without You" is just this record that's like, ‘Ooh, I am so good on my own'." [via Line Of Best Fit]

Mia Nicolai is a true internationalist. Born in Amsterdam to a Russian mother, she learned from a young age to move between languages and cultures, accepting them as equal. This all fuels her future-pop vision, a trans-genre approach laden with colour, one that picks from multiple sources. New single 'People Pleaser' is a surging, coherent, ultra-potent offering, a song that dwells on identity, and the processes by which it is defined. "This song is about the journey towards finding yourself," she explains. "It can be very difficult to be true to your inner values when all you do is please the people around you instead of your inner needs. I’ve always come across as a strong-minded person. But in reality, I’m capable of helping everyone BUT myself. At some point I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin that I couldn’t even breathe properly..." We're able to share the dazzling new video, directed by Isabelle Griffioen and produced by That’s What She Set. A surreal but completely engaging experience, it embodies everything Mia Nicolai sets out to do - put people on the back foot, and alert them to her presence. [via Clash]

Singer-songwriter Gracie Abrams has shared her poignant new single 'Mess It Up' and its accompanying video via Interscope Records. Directed by Matty Peacock, the video for 'Mess It Up' finds Abrams attempting to bake a cake and repeatedly dropping the gorgeously frosted final product on the ground. That bittersweet back-and-forth between determination and disappointment is a perfect match for Abrams’s incisive lyrics, which simultaneously convey a deep longing for forgiveness and an unshakable sense of frustration. Produced by and co-written with her frequent collaborator Blake Slatkin, the track’s stark guitar work and driving rhythms slowly take on a powerful momentum, ultimately building to a sweetly triumphant climax. [via Vacancy]

Vocalist and guitarist Maya Delilah shares the visuals for her new single 'Need A Word With Cupid'. The track unravels into a punchy number that gives you a hit of both dopamine and female empowerment. Written about realising your worth after a relationship breakup, Maya’s lyrics are little witty statements that we can all use to remind ourselves who the hell we are. “Last Tuesday morning I just realised you’re shit” – it’s the truth. The video sees her waiting in cupid’s reception ready to get her money back because, damn, this boy was not worth her energy. At. All. 'Need A Word With Cupid' is a brilliant narrative that’s not only relatable but also incredibly good. Brimming with smooth guitar tones and a catchy beat, this is a single that leaves you wanting so much more. A self-love anthem for the modern woman, 'Need A Word With Cupid' is an indie-pop bop. Maya says: “'Need A Word With Cupid' was written after my breakup when I felt a sudden hit of empowerment after the realisation that my ex was not worth another tear over. It’s an energetic and uplifting song with soul influences and of course a guitar solo to end.“ [via LOCK]

With her debut EP Digital Meadow arriving on May 28, Dora Jar is sharing the video for her single ‘Multiply’. “I am my truest form when I am changing shape, morphing sounds, and shifting my point of view,” she says of the forthcoming EP. “This project is an exploration of my impulse to shape-shift. That’s my ambition.” [via DIY]

Telenova's new-arriving single 'Tranquilize' makes it two-from-two for the band, deeper solidifying their rich blend of sounds while showing how it can move into further areas, taking on new energies - or emphasising other energies - as more songs come to light. 'Tranquillize', for example, has a heavier weighting on that live instrumentation, giving the song this more alt-pop-meets-R&B spin when combined with Angeline's brilliant-as-ever vocals. As she explains, the single was the first for Telenova, written on the day they began working with one another. "I was actually flicking through a thesaurus and the word ‘Tranquilize’ jumped out at me, it just rang so nicely on the tongue and was so inherently visceral," she says. "I was humming gibberish over the hypnotic Rhodes chords that Josh had laid down, and we heard what sounded like ‘Poseidon’s on the water’ - it was the first time in a writing session with Ed and Josh, and the first time I’d been in a writing session where a poetic, literary lyric idea like that wasn’t shunned and coined as ‘unrelatable’.  It resonated. We followed the thread, playing into Siren mythology as a metaphor for falling in love - the power of attraction to transfix and tranquillize you." The single also arrives with an official video clip, directed by Angeline - solidifying her multi-talented craft. "I wanted to capture the world of the song in a Lynchian-inspired dreamscape - starry-eyed and a little unhinged - but like, David Lynch meets Gucci," she says. [via Pilerats]

International superstar P!nk has more than two decades of experience topping the global pop charts, and she is here to continue her reign with the new single 'All I Know So Far'. 'All I Know So Far' was produced by pop mastermind Greg Kurstin and co-written with the songwriting duo Benj Pasek & Justin Paul. The single comes off of her upcoming album All I Know So Far: Setlist, due out on RCA Records on May 21. The accompanying video for 'All I Know So Far' tells Pink’s life story with help from Cher, Judith Light, and Carey Hart. The visuals, directed by longtime collaborator Dave Meyers, also features an appearance from her daughter Willow. The new album will feature live recordings from her 2019 'Beautiful Trauma World Tour' along with a recording of her highly-buzzed MTV Video Vanguard Award acceptance speech. P!nk’s daughter Willow will also make an appearance on the album with the song 'Cover Me in Sunshine', which the singer previously shared back in February. [via Consequence]

[ourmuse-s]

Luisa Fischer

Writing About Music

Dr. Loughridge

4.18.21

Design Your Own Project

                          Looking Back At Swimming by Mac Miller

            I cried when I heard Mac Miller died. I was a few weeks into spending my first semester of college abroad in London, sitting at a restaurant with two students on my program. My phone kept buzzing under the table, and when I finally looked down, I thought the messages I was getting were some kind of joke. Still, I panicked, and the classmates I was with asked me what was wrong as I held my breath and tried to disprove what my texts were saying. But as soon as I opened Twitter, my feed was filled with updates that struck my heart with a sharp pain. “Mac Miller dead from overdose - details coming soon”. The news was already trending, as hundreds of thousands of people openly mourned for the rapper who died at the young age of 26. He started releasing music twelve years before at the age of 18, and had grown a fanbase that grew up not only listening to his music, but alongside him. There’s no other way I can describe what I was feeling besides pure devastation and loss.

           The first time Mac Miller caught my attention was my sophomore year of high school, when my friend played his album the Divine Feminine on loop in the hour car ride from school to his house. After Shazaming the first three songs, I realized I might as well download the entire album because every song pleased my ears in a way in which only few artists have in the past. I immediately fell in love with Mac Miller and his music, the reason being the way in which he described women. Coming from Atlanta, I had grown up listening to a lot of rap music, and was used to the ways in which the genre often sexualizes and objectifies women. Although Mac Miller wrote a lot about sex, it was from a perspective that was not only respectful and in admiration of women, but inclusive of them. Rather than having females be the object in his songs, his lyrics gave them an equal voice in a way that was able to attract his large female demographic. Mac Miller was able to make us feel heard, understood, and respected in a way that most male artists don’t even try to do.

           However, this wasn’t the only way he made his music as intimate as it is. In his later albums Mac Miller wrote about his struggles with addiction, depression and heartbreak. He went through a public breakup with pop star Ariana Grande, who quickly got engaged to a new man, and was struggling with drugs and alcohol when he was arrested for his DUI all in the year of his fatal overdose. His final release before his death, Swimming, was an album that discussed these topics in such detail, it made anyone who listened to it feel connected to how he was feeling at the time. It was an important album to me personally, even before his death, as I was in the midst of unbearable homesickness and loneliness, and it comforted me in the state that I was in. However, as I sat there in London, scrolling through the tweets confirming his death with tears running down my face, I couldn’t help but ask myself if Swimming was Mac Miller’s goodbye to the world.

           Swimming is all about Mac Miller trying to move into the future with self acceptance and self care - hence the title of the single track “Self Care” - while still acknowledging the pain that the past has caused him. The first track of the album “Come Back to Earth” automatically sets the mood of the project, and became the quote fans used to mourn him after his death. In the song he sings “I just need a way out my head, I’ll do anything for a way out my head” over the strum of an electric guitar before fusing with an electric piano and soft harmonizing strings that add a sense of hopefulness to the melancholy melody. His lyrics further reiterate his attempt to find happiness and sunshine amongst the dark skies that he sees. “Oh, the things I’d do, to spend a little time in Hell” could allude to his craving for substances to make the pain more bearable - he knows that they’re not right, but he craves the feeling that they give him (hence him wanting to spend time in Hell). From this first track, it seems as though Mac Miller was “coming back to earth” after always being high, and all relaying his struggle and depression in trying to find sobriety.

           Another song that had fans looking back on Swimming in a different light was the album’s single and music video “Self Care”. The song itself seems to be about the way in which Mac Miller feels about the people in his life as well as himself, with lines such as “Can’t trust no one, can’t trust yourself yeah” followed by “I love you, I don’t love nobody else, yeah”. This could be a reflection of his broken trust towards the world and himself after losing Ariana Grande, but it’s certainly him admitting that he doesn’t trust himself to take care of himself. The title is almost ironic, the refrain being “Self care, I’m treatin’ me right,” while the rest of the song seem to disprove this line in other lyrics such as “I been losin’ my, losin’ my, losin’ my mind, yeah / Get the fuck out the way, must be this high to play” and “Somebody save me from myself, yeah”. It almost feels like Mac Miller is admitting that he’s tried to move past his addiction and struggles, but continuously falls back into his bad habits and doesn’t seem to care anymore. He feels safer in his bad habits than he does facing not only the world, but himself. Towards the end of the song he says he wants to go home to his house, then follows with “It’s safer there, I know there’s still a war outside / We spend our nights all liquored up, our mornings high,” again opening up his mind to his fans, and giving them insight on the way he covers his fear of the world with substance abuse. “Self Care” as a song alone, shows the struggles Mac Miller was feeling towards life and himself, something that many people can relate to on some level.

                          “Self Care” Official Music Video - Mac Miller

           Even more haunting than the song, however, is the music video that was released for “Self Care” just two months before his death. It starts off with a wider shot of blackness and the single light of a flashlight Mac Miller is holding while laying in a box. As the camera zooms in, you see that he’s laying in a coffin, seemingly relaxed as he lights a cigarette and carves “Memento Mori” into the coffin - which translates to “remember you must die”. He stares at the writing for a few moments before punching through it, and pushing himself out of the dirt he’s buried under, that has collapsed on top of him. Fans came back to the video, released in July of 2018, after news of his death in September of that year, and speculated whether it was Mac Miller predicting his own death. Even though he seemed to be trying to fight against it in the video, in hindsight it seems almost like his goodbye to the world.

           However, in January of 2020, a posthumous album Circles was released. Mac Miller’s friend and fellow producer Jon Brion finished multiple tracks off the album in the way he envisioned the late rapper to have wanted them. The songs of this album gave fans a new perspective of Mac Miller and his state of mind in the year of his death. Unlike in Swimming, which indulges in the pain the rapper was feeling, Circles gives a true sense of self acceptance and hope for the future. If Swimming is black and white, Circles is a fusion of colors that gives insight to what could’ve been the future of Mac Miller’s career and life. Although the posthumous album didn’t make his death any less tragic or diminish his state of mind during Swimming, it was a way for fans to feel closer to the rapper after his death, and have more closure on the person and musician that Mac Miller was.

[ranwing]

Kadam Fic: Learning To Fly (14/?)

Title: Learning to Fly Series: A New Direction (was Season Four Remix) Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, Dani, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 (rating may change) Genre(s): canon divergence. Parts: 14/?

Summary: As another school year starts at NYADA, Kurt seemed to have it all. The respect of his teachers, a group of wonderful friends and best of all, getting to live with the man that he’d come to love. So of course the universe would throw a few curve balls in his direction.

A/N - Three chapters posted today (chapters 13-15).

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter 13

One AO3

“Ten minutes to curtain!” A production assistant rushed through each of the dressing rooms, calling out the alert. “Ten minutes! Everyone get to the stage for Professor Carmody.”

Kurt had been getting into his costume when the call came, leaving him to hurry to the stage area still in his slippers and his shirt only half buttoned. Around him, the company huddled together as they waited for their director to address them while the audio techs double-checked the microphones that all the actors discretely wore. Most of the company were fully dressed for the opening numbers, their hair and makeup complete and he almost didn’t recognize his friends in the crowd. Jamie was dressed in a ragged prison uniform, a cap covering his head and makeup that looked like streaks of dirt and bruises staining his skin.

Rachel was nearly unrecognizable in her beggar costume. Her makeup was done to give her a gaunt appearance, with deep hollows carved under her cheekbones and shadows under her eyes. Her hair was tucked under a stained cap and a tatty shawl was draped over the shoulders of her threadbare dress. His eyes darted around the crowd, trying to pick out Analisa and Katya and his friends gave nods of recognition to him, and nervous smiles of support.

Around the actors, the tech teams gathered, and Kurt nodded greetings to his friends there. All the elements of the production had drawn together and all their efforts over the past few months was about to pay off. They were a united team, ready to put their best work out there for the waiting audience.

Professor Carmody arrived, for once looking neat and not displaying the stress that they were used to seeing from her. She had done everything in her power to make her grand vision come to life and bar managing the show from the wings, her task was nearly done.

With a smile, she motioned for everyone to gather as closely as nearly a hundred students were able to. “Okay everyone… I’m not going to make a big speech,” she assured her students. “I just wanted to thank you all for your hard work and dedication to our show. NYADA has never staged a production on this scale and this would never have been possible without all of you giving the kind of effort that you have.

“Tonight, this is about you. Actors, costumers, technical teams… all of you. I have never been so proud of a team or more confident that you will be successful tonight. The only instructions that I have now is to relax. You all know what you’re doing. Go out there and enjoy yourselves and show what you can do. Break a leg everyone!”

The group cheered, finally giving in to the excitement of their first official performance. People moved to hug their friends, wishing them well and those in the opening act hurried to take their marks before the curtain rose. Kurt rushed over to hug Rachel and his girls.

“Oh my God… I can’t believe it’s finally here,” Rachel gasped, her eyes wide and clutching at Kurt with a desperate strength. Kurt didn’t pull back, even though he’d probably have bruises on his arms.

“It’s going to be great,” he promised her, giving her a quick kiss to the top of her head so he wouldn’t damage her makeup. “I’m going to finish getting dressed so I can watch you all from the wings.”

At the announcement that the curtain was going up in five, Jamie took a deep breath. “Okay guys… this is it! Break a leg!”

In the orchestra box, Kurt saw the musicians making their final preps and he finally was struck by the fact that their moment had arrived. There was no more time for doubts.

“I’ll see you all on stage,” he promised, feeling the first trace of real anticipation hit him.

As he arrived at his dressing room, the first strains of the overture reached his ears. There was no more time to worry. There was just the performance to focus on. He reached for the tie that went with his costume and looped it about his neck, his mind focused on his final preparations.

* * *

In hindsight, Finn should have expected that the show would be spectacular, but he had little to really base his expectations on. His experiences with New Directions didn’t come close to anything like this, with their basic costumes and choreography. And he’d never had a lot of interest or knowledge about musical theater outside of watching Rachel perform solos that she felt showcased herself best.  There was the failed Rocky Horror show that he had a role in, and West Side Story but full productions didn’t seem to be a priority at McKinley. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that this was his first real experience with a full production.

He’d made sure to read a bit about what the musical entailed so he’d be able to follow the storyline and really appreciate what Kurt and Rachel had put so much effort into. Just judging from the opening number, he could reasonably argue that there wasn’t a professional show that could claim to have better actors, let alone sets and costumes.

Despite the fact that he had come specifically to see Kurt and Rachel, he found himself enjoying the beginning of the show and appreciating the other performers. He fully expected the show to be absolutely spectacular and he wasn’t disappointed. The cast was, to an individual, absolutely phenomenal. The young man playing the lead had a stunning voice and was a riveting presence on stage. Even with the knowledge that he was a university student, Finn could totally believe that he was a French convict. And the guy playing Javert was just fantastic, with the type of baritone voice that you didn’t see too often with the way he balanced the depth of his tone with a crispness that added an interesting dimension. They sounded incredible together and Finn thought that even if Kurt and Rachel weren’t performing, that this show was well worth seeing.

The opening songs focused on Jean Valjean as he was released from prison and left to wander the countryside to look for honest work. While the sets on stage gave a clear impression of farmland, the designers took it a step further by projecting an image of a field or orchard behind the actors that gave the scenes a sense of depth and expressed the passage of time.

He watched avidly as Valjean pleaded for a day’s work or a place to lay his head but was turned away because he carried a letter of parole and bore a prisoner’s brand. Wherever he went, he was turned away, never given a chance to work a day’s labor of find a place to rest his head at night. He grew increasingly desperate and angry and being turned away from every door when he was offered a night’s rest by a kind-hearted bishop.

He bit his lip anxiously during the theft that nearly sent Valjean back to prison, but the generosity of the bishop saved him and gave him a renewed perspective on life. He could viscerally feel Valjean’s shame at robbing the man who’d shown him such kindness and determination to make his life worthy of what he’d been given. His vow to honor the bishop’s generosity and faith in his humanity.

The music began to swell and Finn knew that this was where the story would truly begin. The stage lights fell softly on a group standing towards the back of the stage, huddled together as a light dusting of fake snow began to waft around them. Offstage fans began to blow, giving the clear impression of a harsh winter arriving to torment those least able to withstand the hardship.

He knew that Rachel was in this number and tried to pick her out from the crowd of men, women and children. He listened carefully for her particular voice and found it nearly impossible to do so. Rather than trying to make her voice stand out from the chorus, Rachel was blending seamlessly with the other singers. It was only as the group stepped forward, pleading with the audience that he was able to pick her out; dressed in rags and cradling a bundle in her arms that was made to look like she was holding a baby. Rather than the mugging that he remembered from her previous attempts at acting, the desperation in her expression appeared genuine.

He smiled, glad that she was doing so well. She’d had a lot of challenges the past few years and a lot of disappointments to get past, most of her own making. But he couldn’t help from being happy to see how far she’d come and the nearly limitless potential before her.

Finn couldn’t resist glancing at the stern woman sitting at his side, amused at the bored expression on her face. She was clearly here for one thing only and she wouldn’t be happy until Kurt was standing on that stage for her. He wondered if she knew what role Kurt was playing because if she was aware that she would be seeing him in more than an ensemble spot, she’d probably be leaping out of her skin.

Oh no… she was already tapping her foot impatiently. Finn tried to remember where Kurt’s character was supposed to show up, hoping that it would be soon. Otherwise he was in for an uncomfortable evening.

* * *

Kurt was grinning from ear to ear as he watched Rachel on stage with the rest of the ensemble. She looked and sounded fantastic and when her part in the number ended, was there to greet her when she hurried off the stage.

“Oh my God! You were great!” he insisted, giving her a hug.

“Thanks!” she gasped, accepting his embrace before reluctantly pulling away. “But I’ve got to run and get ready for the next number. You’ll be watching?”

Kurt nodded, letting her go. “Of course,” he assured her.

Rachel gave him a grateful smile before hurrying to the women’s quick-change area. The crowded room was a swarm of activity as actresses changed in and out of costumes as they got ready for different sets.

She quickly stripped out of her costume, handing them off to a costuming tech to be put away, leaving her basic underpinnings. Hurrying over to the makeup table, she pulled the pins from her hair to free it and teased it up to make it look frizzy and unkept. Picking up a lipstick in a vulgar shade of red, she colored her lips and then smeared it a bit with the back of her hand.

Looking thoroughly like she’d been ridden hard and put away wet, she checked her time and could hear the actress playing Fantine starting the “I Dreamed a Dream” number, leaving her just enough time to get into costume and find her mark. She got into the garishly patterned stockings and corset before adding a shabby red dress that put her cleavage and legs on full display. Fluffing up her hair one last time, she hurried back to the stage where Katya was waiting with the other actresses portraying the prostitutes.

Katya looked like she was several weeks since her last bath and gave her a grin that displayed the pair of blacked out teeth. Damn, Rachel thought. She could have done that too.

“Ready?” Katya asked, with an impish glint in her eyes.

Rachel nodded, tossing back her hair. “Let’s do this.”

It was difficult to find their marks on the darkened stage while the spotlight was on Fantine but Rachel found the crates where they prostitutes were to gather and hoisted herself to sit up on one of them, spreading her legs and bunching up her skirt to show off her bloomers and stockings. Katya leaned against one of the crates, thrusting out her chest and trying to look provocative.

As Fantine’s tragic song drew to a close, the audience applauded and the stage fell dark before a projection of a port scene at night was cast over the back of the stage. Three young men stumbled to the front dressed in sailor uniforms, laughing and jostling one another.

“I smell women, smell ‘em in the air,” he proclaimed lasciviously. “Think I’ll drop me anchor in that harbor over there.”

His friend laughed and nodded enthusiastically. “Lovely ladies, I’ll love you till I’m broke,” he promised, grabbing lewdly at his crotch to emphasizing what he was there for. “Seven months at sea and now I’m hungry for a poke.”

The third shoved himself between the other two, exclaiming excitedly, “Even stokers need a little stoke!”

The stage lights came on to illuminate the set made up of shipping crates and mooring pillars where the prostitutes had gathered. Rachel smiled seductively, bending forward to show off her cleavage and entice one of the sailors.

“Lovely ladies, waiting for a bite,” the group of women sang, their voices ringing out harshly. They bent over enticingly, showing off their bodies and lifting their skirts to put their legs on display for the men that were gathering around them. “Waiting for the customers who only come at night. Lovely ladies, ready for the call. Standing up or lying down or any way at all. Bargain prices up against the wall!”

A spotlight fell on Fantine, who stood out in contrast to the prostitutes with her clean calico dress and decent looking shawl. An old woman approached her the prostitutes froze in place as they disputed the sale of Fantine’s precious necklace. Rachel listened to Fantine’s pleas for the crone to offer a more generous price before giving in out of desperation, keeping her mind focused on her own performance. Once the crone had gotten what she wanted, the music resumed, and the focus fell on the ensemble again.

“Lovely ladies, waiting in the dark,” they sang as men began to draw girls apart from the group. A tall man dressed far more finely than the women walked among them, pocketing money that they shoved into his hands and watching to make sure that the women were going off with customers. “Ready for a thick one or a quick one in the park.”

“Long time, short time,” one girl sang teasingly as a sailor pressed up behind her, his hands pressed against her bodice under her breasts to appear as if he was groping her. “Any time, my dear. Cost a little extra if you want to take all year.”

One sailor grabbed Rachel about the waist and lifted her off her seat. On cue, Rachel wrapped her legs about his waist as he spun her about, his hands under her ass to hold her up as he pressed her up against one of the pillars.

“Quick and cheap is underneath the pier!”

Again, the spotlight fell on Fantine as she was forced into another bargain, this time over her long auburn hair and she was unceremoniously dragged away to have it chopped off. When the spotlight fell back upon the prostitutes and their customers, Rachel’s sailor released her, making a show of nearly dropping her before adjusting his trousers suggestively.

One of the girls stumbled back to the crates, clutching her middle painfully. “God, I’m weary. Sick enough to drop. Belly burns like fire, will the bleeding ever stop?”

Their pimp stepped over as if to comfort her, gently stroking her cheek. “Cheer up, dearie. Show a happy face,” he urged. With sudden ferocity, he grabbed her hair and shook her harshly. “Plenty more like you here if you can’t keep up the pace.”

The young woman grabbed at his hand, trying to free herself. “Only joking,” she pleaded. “Dearie knows her place!” The pimp shoved her back to the others, waving her off to get back to work.

Fantine faltered back out onto the stage, her long hair gone and making her look childlike and incredibly vulnerable. She huddled away from the group, trying to make herself as unobtrusive as possible and avoid notice by the men on the docks. The pimp watched her with an appraising eye before demanding information from one of his girls.

“Give me the dirt,” he commanded, grabbing the arm of one of the prostitutes. “Who’s that bit over there?”

The girl tossed her hair back dismissively. “A bit of skirt. She’d the one sold her hair,” she explained.

Katya leaned over, hoping to appease their pimp. “She’s got a kid. Sends her all that she can,” she confided, earning a harsh shove for her efforts.

The pimp snorted dismissively. “I might have known. There is always some man,” he mused as he approached the terrified young woman. “Lovely lady, come along and join us! Lovely lady…”

Fantine drifted to where the other women were gathered, looking at them with an expression of shame and horror that this is what she had been reduced to. That she now found herself among women that she had looked down upon when she had other prospects and dreams. The whores watched her avidly, recognizing that another was about to join their sad sisterhood.

“Come one dearie, why all the fuss?” one of the women cooed at her, her tone betraying more than a little coarse edge while a second woman looked down her nose at the downtrodden woman.

“You’re no better than the rest of us,” she snapped, only to have the other women step in between her and their new sister.

“Life has dropped you at the bottom of the heap,” Rachel sang sadly, expressing sympathy that like the rest of them, Fantine would not resort to selling herself if she had any other options.

“Join your sisters,” the pimp urged, kneeling to reach under Fantine’s skirt and feeling at her legs like she was a mare to be sold at market. “Make money in your sleep.”

A man in a sailor costume approached, eyeing Fantine appraisingly and one of the girls roughly pulled her shawl away, stripping her of what little protection it offered.

“That’s right dearie, let him have the lot,” one of the girls urged while another gave Fantine a knowing nod of approval.

“That’s right dearie… show him what you’ve got.”

With her chin raised as proudly as she could manage, Fantine walked to her awaiting customer, determined to maintain what dignity she could. He grasped her hand and dragged her out of sight.

The prostitutes gathered together, pushing away their customers and stepping away from their watchful pimp, expressing what defiance they could over their sad lot in life. Rachel and Katya stood together and held hands as they looked out defiantly at the audience, demanding respect from those what would look down upon them while taking advantage of their situations.

“Old men, young men, take ‘em as they come!” they proclaimed with as much pride as they could muster, expressing their hate for the men that used them. “Harbor rates and alley cats and every kind of scum!

“Poor men, rich men, leaders of the land. See them with their trousers off they’re never quite as grand!” they sang, flinging up their hands and mocking the customers who watched and had no idea of how much they were hated.

“All it takes is money in your hand!” they shouted, reaching out with grasping hands and clenched fists.

The music softened as the group of women drifted apart, pasting smiles on their faces and they returned to their customers. “Lovely ladies, going for a song… Got a lot of callers, but they never stay for long…”

Following Fantine’s arrest, Rachel hurried back to her dressing room to start getting ready for the Master of the House number. So far things were going well, and she had a grand total of ten minutes to fix her makeup and change costumes again. Kurt hadn’t lied to her about how much work went into being in the ensemble and she found herself racing against the clock to make sure that she was done on time. The corset and rags went back on their hanger and a makeup wipe got the worst of the prostitute paint off her face. She quickly retouched her foundation and adjusted her makeup with a softer hand before she changed into her simple peasant dress and cap.

Grabbing a few sips of water, she rushed back to the stage and was pleased to have made it in plenty of time. She spotted Kurt waiting nearby, working with one of the audio techs to fit his microphone and making his final preparations because he would be going on stage shortly afterwards and waved to catch his eye.

“You’re doing great!” he mouthed to her, earning a happy smile in response. She was working harder than she could ever have imagined doing, but everything was going well. Never before would she have ever believed just how important the ensemble was for the show but now she saw that their contribution was just as important as any of the leads. When the students playing the Thénardiers stepped out in their raggedy finery, she got mentally settled into her newest role. There were quite a few friends in the group for this scene, including several of Kurt’s Apple friends.

The sets was quickly changed out, going from a deep forest for the “Castle On A Cloud” number to the interior of a less than reputable inn. This was one of the more elaborate sets, with tables and benches and all the various items that one might expect to see in a tavern room. Rachel hurried to the bench where she was supposed to be seated. Picking up the tankard waiting for her, she took a breath and waited for the curtain to lights to illuminate the scene. This was going to be fun.

* * *

Finn knew that his hands were going to be in serious pain by the time the show ended with the way he was clapping. He was surprised that Rachel had a role in pretty much every major scene since the start of the show and had been bouncing back and forth between multiple roles. She went from beggar to prostitute to now a slightly drunk townswoman singing the praises of a rather dishonest innkeeper who was boasting about how he was ripping off his guests at every turn.

The show had been everything he expected and he was enjoying it immensely, but he found himself eagerly awaiting Kurt’s presence on the stage. Casting glances over at his family, he saw Burt checking his watch, the only hint of boredom that he would display. There was no way that his stepfather wouldn’t turn out to support Kurt, even though sitting through what was basically an opera wasn’t something that he’d really learned to enjoy just yet. His mother was just smiling, enjoying the show, and Sue…

Finn was glad that he wasn’t the one standing on the stage, because she looked like she was getting ready to storm up there and throw Jean Valjean aside so that her favorite could have his chance on the stage. She had clearly given up on feigning politeness and was impatiently tapping her finger against her raised knee, her frown deepening with every passing moment that passed without seeing her Porcelain.

The song with the innkeeper and his wife was a riot and Finn found himself laughing out loud at their bickering and criminal antics. After Valjean waltzed off his newly adopted daughter in his arms, the stage went dark and the name of the next location, Saint Michele flashed on the backdrop along with a date that showed years were passing between the two scenes. The stage lights came on to illuminate an elaborate set of slums teaming with the lower classes that one might find in any large city. Beggars, thieves, street vendors and prostitutes gathered in the city streets. The music was decidedly more tense as they went about the actions of their daily lives. The air of crushing poverty and abject misery was unavoidable as the struggle to survive was evident to the audience.

“Look down, look down, and see the beggars at your feet,” the people cried out as they made their way as best they could. “Look down and show some mercy if you can. Look down and see the sweepings of the streets. Look down, look down, upon your fellow man!”

A young boy of about ten years old emerged from the crowd to take the center stage, dressed in tattered pants and shirt and a dirty cap topping his dark-haired head. He looked to the crowd with a cocky smile and gave a little bow.

“How do you do? My name's Gavroche,” he introduced, singing in a bright clear voice. He spread his arms wide to draw attention to the crowd clustered behind him. “These are my people, here’s my patch. Nothing to look at, nothing posh. Nothing that you’d call up to scratch.”

Several young children fell in behind him, playing pranks and making petty thefts of fruit from the vendor’s cart. They were like Gavorche, dressed in threadbare clothing but trying to make the best of things and turning the slums into their playground.

“This is my school, my high society,” Gavorche proclaimed with a proud flourish. “Here in the slums of Saint Michele. We live on crumbs of humble piety. Tough on the teeth, but what the hell!

“Think you're poor? Think you're free? Follow me, follow me!” he cried out. With a wave, he set off with the other children following in his wake, running through the crowd to disappear into one of the buildings and then seen darting across a rooftop so they could watch the goings on of the people from above.

The buildings of the set pulled apart to create a town square where throngs of people gathered and went about their daily lives, making their way as best they could.

“Look down, and show some mercy if you can,” the beggars cried out, seeking aid from those who were barely better off. “Look down, look down, upon your fellow man.”

A tall, skinny girl in a red dress stepped forward, her skirt lifted enticingly to display a long leg. She was quickly embraced by a male passerby, who pressed his hand over her breast as began to kiss her throat. Before she could take the money he was waving enticingly before her, she was suddenly pulled away from her customer and shoved from behind by a woman dressed as an ancient crone.

“What you think yer at?” the old woman demanded venomously. “Hanging round me pitch? If you're new around here, girl, you've got a lot to learn.”

The younger woman stood her ground, turning on the old beggar. “Listen you old bat! Crazy bloody witch! 'Least I give my customers some pleasure in return,” she retorted, turning to try to gain the attention of any available men.

“I know what you give!” the old woman screeched, grabbing at the prostitute and tearing at her skirts to show her pantalettes. “Give 'em all the pox! Spread around your poison till they end up in a box!”

The prostitute’s pimp saw the altercation and hurried offer to run off the old beggar. “Leave the poor old cow,” he ordered, motioning for his girl to move away. “Move it, Madeleine! She used to be no better till the clap got to her brain.”

The level of desperation in the crowd increased, as none of them saw any way out of their situation. Hope was in short supply and all that was facing them was deepening poverty and starvation. “When's it gonna end?” they pleaded, “When we gonna live? Something's gotta happen now or something's gonna give...

“It'll come, it'll come, it'll come, It'll come, it'll come, it'll come…”

Through the crowd, two figures pushed their way forward, dressed far more richly than any of the townsfolks around them. Finn sat up straight in his seat at seeing that one of them was Kurt, dressed in an elegant suit with a dark jacket and tie fixed tightly about his throat. He carried a set of books under his arm, looking over the crowd with a fierce stare of pity and anger. Another young man, dressed in a similar fashion stood at his side, though the expression on his face was decidedly less severe.

Beside him, Finn felt Sue sitting up, now focusing her full attention on the stage. Carole silently clapped her hands in anticipation and delight and he glanced over to see Burt smiling widely at his son’s presence.

Kurt’s mouth was drawn in a harsh frown as turned about, looking at the mass of desperate people. “Where the leaders of the land? Where are the swells who run this show?” he demanded fiercely, his voice ringing out in righteous anger.

The young man playing Marius reached out to grasp Kurt’s shoulder in fellowship. “Only one man, and that's Lamarque,” he answered. “Speaks for these people here below.”

The poor people of St. Michele saw the well-dressed students and clustered about them, reaching out in desperation. “See our children fed! Help us in our shame!” they pleaded. “Something for a crust of bread, in Holy Jesus' name…”

Marius looked at the crowd of beggars with a compassionate stare, handing out leaflets that he had brought with him. “Lamarque is ill and fading fast! Won't last the week out so they say,” he told his friend, which only increased the level of anger in Kurt’s expression.

He turned to the crowd and saw what could be a rising tide to wipe away the injustice that he fought against. “With all the anger in the land, how long before the judgement day? Before we cut the fat ones down to size?” he spat ferociously, slashing his hand as if imitating a blade.

“Before the barricades arise?”

Kurt’s voice rang out gloriously through the theater, and Finn felt chills running down his spine. He had never seen his brother like that, expressing so much fury. He couldn’t remember ever hearing Kurt sing with so much power, his voice expressing all of his character’s anger over the injustice that he was witness to every day. Enjolras was so unlike Kurt in nature, expressing so much rage and righteousness. With just a few powerfully performed lines, Kurt stood out like a force of nature.

Sue’s strong hand suddenly grasped his again so tightly that it hurt. He turned in surprise to see her eyes wide and riveted to the stage, fixed totally on Kurt. His brother hovered hovering in the background handing out pamphlets to the poor while Marius flirted with Cosette and the Thénardier gang looked to rob Valjean before being run off by the police. She looked absolutely transfixed and the smile on her face for once didn’t have the edge of cruelty that he was so used to seeing.

Finn had always known that Kurt was one of Sue’s favored few, something he never begrudged his brother because he knew that Sue’s favor could be a double-edged sword. But even with that knowledge, her response to seeing him on stage was unexpected. It was so pure and genuine, and Finn knew that there was only a tiny percentage of people in this world that might garner such a reaction from the fearsome woman. Her sister, most certainly, had been one. And Becky. To know that Kurt had earned that as well gratified Finn quite a bit. However hard Kurt’s life had been, unquestionably it was made marginally better by having Sue Sylvester in his corner.

* * *

Kurt hadn’t quite known how it would feel during their first official performance, but it was nothing like even their final dress rehearsal. He felt almost high. He wasn’t so much playing Enjolras but channeling his revolutionary fire. He rode on the tide of Enjolras’s emotions, taking control of his compatriots and urging them towards taking up the fight against the government troops. It took coercion and a bit of browbeating, but even moon-eyed Marius was no longer resisting.

“Red, a world about to dawn!” the entire group sand passionately and Marius stepped forward to grasp Kurt’s hand, making it clear that he would stand with his friend. “Black, the night that ends at last!”

They finished to a rousing cheer and Kurt began to bark out orders, darting across the stage and sending the men into a flurry of action. There was no question of who the leader and Kurt expressed an air of well-honed authority over the other members of their group. “Well, Courfeyrac, do we have all the guns?” he demanded, before turning to the others. “Feuilly, Combeferre, our time is running short.

“Grantaire, put the bottle down!” he snapped fiercely, causing the drunkard to wave off his command dismissively and take a long gulp. “Do we have the guns we need?”

“Give me brandy on my breath and I’ll breathe them all to death,” Grantaire boasted playfully, earning a playful shove from one of the others.

Courfeyrac rushed forward to report, “In St. Antoine they’re with us to a man!”

“In Notre Dame, they’re tearing up the stones!” Combeferre reported happily, grasping the hand of Courfeyrac joyously.

“Twenty rifles good as new!” Feuilly called out, holding up their red banner proudly.

Through all the activity, Kurt remained dangerously calm as if he were the eye of a hurricane that was about to sweep down over Paris. He almost didn’t hear Gavroche coming in and yelling, “Listen!”

Joly was checking their ammunition stores. “Twenty rounds for every man!” he reported.

“Listen to me!” Gavroche cried out, nearly ignored as the men continued their reports.

“Double that in Port St. Cloud!”

“Listen everybody!” Gavroche yelled.

Lesgles hurried in. “Seven guns in St. Martin!”

Gavroche grasped Kurt’s arm, forcing his attention. When Kurt finally looked down at him, the boy said with somber quietness, “General Lamarque is dead!”

The group fell silent, shocked at the news, however unexpected, that the champion of the poor was gone. One of the young men who’d been wearing a cap and took it off and the men bowed their heads in respect, giving a moment of silence for the man that had embodied all of their ideals. Kurt got a faraway look in his eyes as the gravity of what this really meant struck home.

“Lemarque is dead,” he breathed almost in disbelief. He paused, letting it sink in before driving what this would bring about struck home before allowing himself to smile. “Lemarque! His death is the hour of fate! The people’s man. His death is the sign we await!”

He gathered the group, the other men listing intently to his every word. Kurt’s expression became one of dangerous anticipation. Kurt strode over to a set of steps and climbed up so that all could see him as he rallied them to action.

“On his funeral day they will honor his name,” he commanded the group as they watched intently.  Even Grantaire, who stood back from the others watched carefully. “It’s a rallying cry that will reach every ear! In the death of Lemarque we will kindle the flame! They will see that the day of salvation is near!

“The time is near!” Kurt belted, his voice soaring with a strength that he was sure would be surprising to those who might have only noted his youthful appearance. He was a lion, uniting the Friends of the ABC and pushing them towards their mission with a fist raised in defiance. “Let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer! Let us take the streets with no doubt in our hearts, but a jubilant shout! They will come, one and all! They will come when we call!”

The music drew to a dramatic close and the Friends of the ABC cheered and embraced on another now that the moment that they’d awaited appeared to finally have arrived. Kurt managed to keep from responding to the rousing applause of the audience, focused on keeping Enjolras’s pride and fervor fixed on his features. Knowing that his family was there watching him at that moment, seeing him standing on that magnificent stage and performing to the best of his ability meant more than he could ever express.

When the music began again, the members of the group began to chatter excitedly, but Kurt closed his eyes and lowered his hand, motioning for them the allowed a quiet intensity to take hold.

“Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men?” he began, letting the power in his voice reach throughout the theater. “It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again!”

He pressed his hand over his heart, clutching his waistcoat and emphasizing the importance of this one moment in their lives. “When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!”

His fervor seemed to feed into the passion of the other players as they fell in behind him, excited that the moment they’d been awaiting had finally arrived. Combeferre rallied the group to Enjolras, his expression bright with excitement as their leader stepped down the stairs.

“Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me?” he demanded, placing his hand confidently on Kurt’s shoulder to prove that he was firmly with Enjolras. “Beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?”

Courfeyrac joined them, holding out a rifle to Kurt. “Then join in the fight that will give you the right to be free!”

Kurt grasped the rifle and raised it over his head to the cheers of his fellows and lead the group to march about the stage. Even Grantaire followed along, though he appeared to be more enjoying the show than believed in their cause. The set parted to reveal the transition from the interior of a disreputable café to the square where townsfolk began to fall in behind the young men as they marched through the streets. Men danced with young women, twirling them about joyously as an air of celebration took hold.

“Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men?” the group sang, inspiring men and women to fall in behind them, joining in. “It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again!”

Kurt lead them along, raising the rifle in defiance, his face set in a proud smile. He was the clear leader, gathering evermore followers with every moment that passed.

“When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!”

Feuilly was standing on a balcony so he could look out over the crowd that had gathered, imploring them to join. “Will you give all you can give, so that our banner may advance?” he pleaded, his strong tenor voice ringing out. “Some will fall and some will live. Will you stand up and take your chance?

“The blood of the martyrs will water the meadows of France!” He raised their red banner before dropping it down to be grabbed by one of the others.

One of the group had brought out the revolutionary banner on a pole and began to wave it as the group marched about the stage with Kurt in the lead, his voice lifted in rousing song as the revolutionary students followed in his way. The performance was so rousing that members of the audience began to sing along, inspired by the performance on the stage.

“Do you hear the people sing?, singing a song of angry men? It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!” the group sang proudly, their banner flying and the air on the stage taking on a celebratory mood. “When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!”

Kurt lead the group off stage, feeling the wild buzzing in his head from the powerful emotions and needed a moment to tamp down on the wild energy that he was picking up from the performance. Handing off the rifle to one of the prop techs, he took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to center himself. He had a few minutes while the Cosette and Marius duet was underway to get himself back under control and prepare for the next scene. He hurried to the quick-change area, knowing that he had only ten minutes before the his next cue.

* * *

Sue got up without a word to the Hummels when the houselights came on for intermission, needing to step outside for a moment and gather her thoughts for a bit. The past few hours had been astonishing for her.

She thought back to times long ago. When her Porcelain was so much younger, and she’d first taken him under her barbed wire wings. She appreciated his sharp wit and his cunning that reminded her of herself at times. He had always impressed her with his brash courage and determination to be himself no matter what anyone else said or did. He needed protection against the small-minded idiots who thought that just because he was gay that it gave them license to torment him every waking moment. Offering him a place on her squad was the best way she could protect him, because no one dared try anything with one of hers. It was when he tried to fly on his own that bad things had happened; things that she often couldn’t control.

Seeing him now, standing on that stage like he was born to be there caused something to bubble up in her that she wasn’t sure that she wanted to examine too closely. Maybe it was just indigestion.

“This is turning out to be some kind of night, isn’t it?” a voice said behind her.

Sue couldn’t help from smiling before turning about. “Burt, you should know better than to sneak up on me.”

The burly man just shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said blandly. “You kind of rushed out.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, letting a trace of sharpness enter her voice. She never was one for soft feelings or concern from others.

Burt didn’t press further, knowing Sue well enough not to. It wasn’t as if they were really friends, but they had an odd mutual respect and understanding. Not to mention a particular shared personal interest.

He shoved his hands into his pants pockets and looked about the theater lobby. “You know, it’s going to mean a lot of Kurt that you came tonight,” he informed her. “Me too.”

She couldn’t help from snorting in amusing. “That would be a first. People usually aren’t happy to see me,” she acknowledged. She wasn’t embarrassed about that. Her reputation was, without question, a well-earned one. And one that she was actually proud of.

Burt smiled and nodded. “Well, Kurt will be,” he assured her honestly. He looked about the lobby, taking a moment to gather his thoughts.

“You know, I never did thank you.”

She looked up in surprise. “Whatever for?”

Burt pursed his lips thoughtfully, wanting to make sure that he chose just the right words. “For everything you did for Kurt when he was at McKinley,” he clarified. “With everything that he went through, I don’t know if he would have made it without you. You were one of the few people really willing to go to bat for him and we’ve never forgotten that.”

He approached her carefully, knowing that despite her tendency to overstep boundaries, she was sensitive to having her personal space invaded. She almost shivered when his hand gently touched her arm and looked into his face in astonishment.

Burt smiled gently. “Kurt is standing on that stage, in no small part, because of you. You may have gone about it in strange ways, but you encouraged him and supported him when not many others did. I just wanted you to know that. And to thank you for being there for my son.”

He stepped back, giving her space to compose herself. “I’d better get back inside,” he said with a huff. “The curtain will be going up soon.”

She nodded, inhaling deeply. “I’ll be in in just a minute,” she assured him.

Burt nodded in approval. “Good. Because Kurt’s going to be thrilled when he finds out that you were here on his opening night.”

Sue stood in the lobby, deep in thought as she tried to absorb what had just happened. She then gave herself a hard mental shake to get the cerebral cobwebs sorted out.

She barely made it back to her seat in time for the curtain to rise.

* * *

If anyone was to ask her afterwards what she most enjoyed about the show, Rachel knew what she would say. She couldn’t help from feeling thrilled to being on stage with Kurt and getting to watch him perform. Not that their characters would interact at all, but it felt good to be there with him along with Analisa, Katya and Jamie. Jamie would be playing one of the townsmen supporting the revolutionary students, while she and the girls played local women.

Despite the tension of the last battle, the atmosphere on the stage was one of quiet waiting for the next conflict and mourning over Eponine’s tragic death. As far as the students knew, Javert had met a just end at Valjean’s hands and they could take a moment of rest.

Seeing Kurt fully immersed in his character and portraying Enjolras so compellingly filled Rachel with joy and it was a pleasure… no, an honor to share the stage with him. She hoped that everyone sitting in that audience would realize that having the opportunity to watch him performing at this level was a real privilege.

For herself, she recognized what a gift it was to see it from such close range.

“Courfeyrac, you take the watch,” Kurt ordered with quiet gravity. “They won’t attack until it’s light.”

He looked around to the group. “Everyone stay awake. We must be ready for the fight. For our final fight. Let no one sleep tonight.”

Kurt’s voice took on a seriousness, as if realizing just what would be facing them at the dawn. “Marius… rest,” he commanded, placing a gentle hand on the other man’s shoulder. Rachel could only marvel quietly at the gentle strength in Kurt’s voice and keep her mind on her own performance.

Feuilly was seated at a broken table that had been set up next to the barricade and looked about at his tired, anguished friends and raised his bottle, hoping to cheer their spirits. “Drink with me, to days gone by,” he proposed. “Sing with me, the songs we knew.”

“Here’s to pretty girls who went to our heads,” Prouvaire toasted, snatching the bottle from Feuilly and raising it in tribute to the women who’d come out to support them.

“Here’s to witty girls who went to our beds,” Joly praised, catching a laughing Analisa and spinning her about before taking her in his arms.

“Here’s to them, and here’s to you,” the men sang gently, offering sad smiles to one another.

Grantaire staggered to his feet and raised his bottle mockingly to his friends. “Drink with me, to days gone by? Can it be you fear to die?” he demanded turning about to cast his accusing gaze on all of them. Some of the men took offense at Grantaire’s ridicule and Combeferre grasped him by the lapels of his jacket and shoved him away. The others shouted him down, angered at his pessimism.

Kurt shouldered his rifle and approached Grantaire, alarmed at the troubled man’s demeanor and tried to grasp his arm in support. Grantaire looked directly at him with sorrowful eyes. “Will the world remember you when you fall? Could it be your death means nothing at all? Is your life just one more lie?” he asked sadly, ignoring Kurt’s arms held open in an attempt to make peace with his friend.

Grantaire brushed him away and stormed past him, blaming Enjolras for landing them in this perilous situation and wanting nothing to do with him at the moment. One of them men hurried over to his side and pulled him into a comforting embrace.

Kurt watched Grantaire walk away from him and with sad resignation slowly climbed the barricade to take a position where he could both watch out for attack and keep an eye on his men. It was starting to become clear that the burdens of leadership were widening the rift between Enjolras and his friends.

The whole group on stage began to sing, with the women singing in counterpoint that added a lovely layer to the bittersweet melody. “Drink with me, to days gone by. To the life that used to be,” they sang.

Rachel smiled dreamily, and rested her head against the shoulder of one of the men who had his arm about her waist. “At the shrine of friendship never say die,” she sang along with the rest of women.

“Let the wine of friendship never run dry,” the men sang and some lead their chosen ladies off the stage for one last hurried tryst before the coming battle.

“Here’s to you… and here’s to me….”

Marius looked about the stage, finding no comfort with his friends as his thoughts were upon someone he thought lost to him. “Do I care if I should die?” he questioned sadly. “Now she goes across the sea…

“Life without Cosette means nothing at all. Will you weep, Cosette, should Marius fall? Will you weep, Cosette, for me?”

As the revolutionaries settled in to rest for the night, it gave Rachel a chance to just enjoy the performance of “Bring Him Home”. Unquestionably the actor playing Valjean was an exceptional talent and he sang the song beautifully, expressing all of the heartache and hope that the song demanded. But she couldn’t help from comparing his rendition to Kurt’s, and she wasn’t ashamed to admit that she would always consider her friend’s interpretation the gold standard. It didn’t matter that Kurt’s performance had led to a very painful downfall for her, because she’d very much deserved after the shameful way she had treated him. It was because Kurt was just that damn good.

She leaned against the body of the young man playing her lover and just savored the feeling of what they all were accomplishing.

* * *

Finn was leaning forward, watching intently as the stage lights softly glowed to give the impression of the coming dawn. Kurt was standing at the top of the barricade; Enjolras having stood watch all night and waiting for the people of Paris to rally behind them. The realization that no reinforcements were coming was striking Enjolras hard, evident by the bewildered and nearly lost expression on Kurt’s face.

He looked down at his followers from his spot on the barricade, the others looking to him for answers when he had none to give them. To see that behind the powerful revolutionary leader was a very young boy who’d gotten himself and his friends in way over their heads was a striking moment. “The people have not stirred,” he sang quietly, the realization that they were truly alone in this fight sinking in. “ We are abandoned by those who still live in fear. The people have not heard…”

Kurt inhaled deeply, visibly tamping down in the fear that Enjolras had to be feeling and trying to portray resolve and keep his people from panicking. “Yet we will not abandon those who cannot hear,” he assured his followers, trying to force a trace of confidence into his voice. “Let us not waste lives.

“Let all the women and fathers of children go from here,” he ordered, motioning for them to retreat.

The realization of what Enjolras’s orders entailed was not lost on his followers and the atmosphere about the barricade took on the feeling of a wake. Feuilly tried to instill a sense of hope in his fellows, smiling sadly as he raised his voice gently in song. “Drink with me to days gone by,” he urged. “Sing with me the songs we knew…”

The supporters that Enjolras was sending away realized that they were very likely leaving their friends and loved ones to face nearly certain death and there were hurried embraces and tears and kisses as they reluctantly withdrew from the fight. Their voices rang out softly as they unwillingly stepped away, lingering as long as they dared but finally leaving the fighters behind.

“At the shrine of friendship, raise your glass high,” they sang mournfully. “Let the wine of friendship never run dry. If I die… I die with you…”

No sooner that the noncombatants fled to safety that the fighting renewed. The revolutionaries hurried to their places on the barricade and fired desperately at the government troops. Kurt fired off several rounds before scrambling to the ground and getting reports of their status.

“How do we stand, Feuilly?” he demanded, his voice rising over the sounds of gunfire. “Make your report!”

The other young man appeared quite worried. “We’ve guns enough, but ammunition short,” he confirmed, causing Kurt to bow his head in despair when he realized just how dire their situation truly was.

Marius rushed up to Kurt. “Let me go into the streets,” he suggested urgently. “There are bodies all around. Ammunition to be had. Lots of bullets to be found!”

Kurt shook his head sternly, grasping Marius’s arm to keep him from climbing over the barricade. “I won’t let you go. It’s too much of a chance,” he insisted, not wanting to put his closest friend into more danger than they were already in. The other man would not be deterred, which told Finn just how dismal a position they found themselves in.

“The same is true for any man here!” Marius claimed firmly, refusing to let Enjolras place his life above any of the others.

“Let me go,” Valjean offered, willing to sacrifice himself to save his daughter’s love. “He’s no more than a boy. I am old. I have nothing to fear.”

The expression on Kurt’s face became pained at the realization that whoever he sent over the wall would likely meet their death and found it nearly impossible to choose. Send an older man who had proven himself to be a true ally or his dearest friend. But he reluctantly nodded and grasped Valjean’s hand. Before either man could do anything, it became apparent to the audience that the choice was to be taken out of Enjolras’s hands.

Gavroche scrambled to the top of the barricade and called out to the others, “You need someone quicker, and I volunteer!” he called out, ignoring the shouts of refusal from Kurt and the others before sliding over the wall.

Kurt rushed to the top of the barricade, trying to stop the boy but he was too late. The men shouted for Gavroche to come back, but the boy would not be deterred. From behind the wall, Finn could hear the boy singing as he sought to obtain the supplies that the revolutionaries so badly needed.

“So never kick a dog because he’s just a pup,” the boy warned, his voice echoing as the others watched helplessly. Shots fired and Finn could imagine the child ducking for cover while he tried to finish his mission. “We’ll fight like twenty armies and we won’t give up! So you’d better run for cover when the pup grows…”

A single shot rang out, causing Finn to flinch and the boy’s voice fell silent. Grantaire fell to his knees, covering his face in anguish. The men on the barricade bowed their heads in sorrow, giving the brave young boy a moment of silence in honor of his heroism. Valjean crossed himself, heartbroken that a child born into poverty never had the chance for anything better. Before they could properly mourn the child, a trumpet sounded to warn them to take up arms again.

“You on the barricade, listen to this!” a French military officer called out to the fighters from the other side of the wall. “The people of Paris sleep in their beds. You have no chance! No chance at all! Why throw your lives away?”

Kurt turned to his men, his face set in grim determination when he realized that their time had run out. “Let us die facing our foes,” he urged, drawing his followers close to him. “Make them bleed while we can.”

The men cheered, ready to take the fight to the government forces. “Make ‘em pay for every man!” Courfeyrac shouted in anger. Kurt nodded, his mouth drawing into a harsh snarl.

“Let others rise to take our place,” Kurt roared, clenching his fist in defiance. “Until the earth is free!”

The battle was chaotic, with men racing up the barricade and firing on the troops beyond them. Kurt stood at the top, firing his gun until he saw that Marius had fallen, wounded. Lights flashed to give the impression of gun and cannon fire and smoke drifted in the air. Dropping his weapon, Kurt jumped from the barricade and fell to his friend’s side, seeing that the wound was severe and Marius was apparently unconscious. Around him, bodies began to fall as more of his friends were struck down.

Hi face set in grim determination, Kurt clambered back up to the top of the barricade and grasped the pole for their flag. He pulled it free and waved it in defiance, to urge the men to fight on when his body suddenly jerked and Finn nearly cried out. Despite knowing the fate that awaited Kurt’s character, he was still taken by shock to see it actually happen. The flag fell Kurt’s his hand as his body slumped over. The lights flashed as the rest of the men met their fatal ends, the music reaching a crescendo as the fight drew to a close with the passionate students lying dead where they fell.

Finn felt himself gasp for breath, not liking the sight of his brother laying so still, even though he knew it was just pretend. Burt’s expression was one of shock, even though he’d know what would happen to Kurt’s character and his mother didn’t bother to hide her sniffling. He didn’t dare look at Sue or try to gage her reaction. If she caught him seeing her in an emotionally vulnerable state, there wouldn’t be a place he could hide.

That had been an amazing scene, because it had looked so much like a real battle, but he knew that applauding at that moment probably wasn’t the best thing to do at the moment. The scene was still ongoing, with Jean Valjean saving Marius and dragging him to safety. But he wanted to give Kurt’s and the other men playing the doomed fighters some kind of ovation. That was one of the most amazing, heartbreaking things he’d ever seen on a stage and it felt odd to just follow along with the story afterwards.

He was familiar with the musical, so the following scenes played out much the way he expected. The final confrontation between Valjean and Javert was incredibly compelling, the officer finally recognizing that the man that he’d pursued for so long was not the hardened criminal that he’d always believed and that he’d relentlessly haunted a man who hadn’t deserved it. Seeing the man’s generosity so many times, even having his own life spared and unable to accept that he’d been wrong for so long was impossible for him to stand and he threw himself into the river to die.

Good riddance, Finn thought to himself. No matter that he recognized his error, Javert was still an asshole. But he could admire the very neat effect in how the lights were used to give the illusion of the man falling from a great height to his death.

The next scene was the immediate aftermath of the battle as a group of women dressed in mourning clothes arrived at the site of the great battle, carrying small candles of remembrance. They found the remains of the barricade, with no trace of the young men that had fought there save for someone’s tricolored sash and the shredded red flag laying on the ground. One woman had a young girl at her side, letting the child hold the candle. He could see that one of them was Rachel, who looked incredibly sad as she and the others surveyed the wreckage around them and contemplated the sad loss of so many promising lives.

The music was soft and mournful as the women paid tribute to the young men that had died, placing down the candles respectfully on the ground. One of them looked about, her expression sorrowful as she tried to absorb the impact of what had happened there.

“Did you see them going off to fight?” she sang plaintively, kneeling down and crossing herself. “Children of the barricade who didn’t last the night.”

Another woman wiped at her eyes with the corner of her shawl as she placed her candle down on the floor. “Did you see them lying where they died?” she asked. “Someone used to cradle them, and kiss them when they cried.”

“Did you see them, lying side by side?” a pretty black girl sang, and Finn mentally identified her as one of Kurt’s friends from class.

“Who will wake them?” a young Asian woman sang sadly. “No one ever will.”

Rachel came to her side and placed a comforting arm about her. “No one ever told them that a summer day can kill,” she sang mournfully, her voice ringing out clearly like a bell.

Another woman shook her head sadly. “They were schoolboys. Never held a gun,” she reminded the others, bringing home the enormity of the tragedy and just how misguided their fight might have been. “Fighting for a new world that would rise up like the sun.

“Where’s that new world now the fighting’s done?”

One woman sighed, wrapping herself tightly in her dark shawl. “Nothing changes, nothing ever will,” she reminded the others sharply, her disappointment over the failed revolution evident. “Every year another brat, another mouth to fill.”

“Same old story, what’s the use of tears?” she demanded, grief warring with anger on her severe features. “What’s the use of praying of there’s nobody who hears.”

“Turning, turning, turning, turning through the years…” the group sang regretfully, those who had been kneeling rising to their feet and walking slowly in a wide circle that looked nearly like a dance as they trailed off the stage.

“Round and round the roundabout and back where you began… round and round and back where you began…”

As the women filed off the stage, Marius reappeared, dressed formally once again in a dark suit befitting his social status and leaning heavily on a wooden cane as he limped to the small memorial that the women had left behind. He looked exhausted, in pain and inconsolable as he faced the place where all of his friends had died. Finn could not imagine how it must feel, to be the last of them left alive and having to go on with his life.

Marius looked about, not attempting to hide the anguish on his face. “There’s a grief that can’t be spoken,” he sang, his voice breaking slightly to express the deep sadness in the young man. “There’s a pain goes on and on… Empty chairs at empty tables. Now my friends are dead and gone.”

He looked up at the sign for the café where they had previously gathered, and Finn could see the tears running down his cheeks. “Here they talked of revolution,” he reminded the audience. “Here it was they lit the flame. Here they sang about tomorrow, and tomorrow never came.”

Finn found himself wiping at his own eyes, feeling the man’s sorrow nearly viscerally. He had some wonderful friends that he counted as brothers and the idea of losing them all in one moment struck him at his core. The idea of waking up and finding out that Sam and Puck and… he bit his lip. To imagine that Kurt was gone tore at him. Even imagining so many wonderful people having their futures cut short, and all their amazing potential lost was absolutely heartrending.

“From the table in the corner, they could see a world reborn,” Marius reminisced, reminding the audience of the idealism that his fellows had shared. That they had truly wanted to remake the world into a more fair, just place. “They could see a world reborn. And they rose with voices ringing! I can hear them now!

“The very words that they had sung became their last communion. On the lowly barricade, at dawn…”

Marius’s voice broke, his grief overwhelming him with the crushing realization that he truly was the last one.

Behind Marius, through the darkness Finn could see figures emerging and his breath caught in his throat. Kurt was the most easily recognizable, his white shirt and red vest making him stand out as the ghosts of the deceased stepped into view, but they were all there. Enjolras, Grantaire, Gavroche… They calmly surrounded Marius, standing quietly as Marius battled the burden of guilt over being the only one to survive.

“Oh my friends… my friends,” Marius wept pleadingly. “Forgive me!”

One by one, the ghosts bent to pick up the memorial candles.

“That I live and you are gone,” Marius lamented. “There’s a grief that can’t be spoken. There’s a pain goes on and on.

“Oh my friends… my friends,” Marius cried out while the ghosts raised the candles high before swiftly blowing them out. “Don’t ask me what your sacrifice was for.”

The ghosts began to slip back into the darkness, fading out of view. Kurt had been the first to appear and the last to follow them, lingering with his closest friend for another half beat before slipping away.

As if sensing that he was alone again, Marius bowed his head in sorrow. “Empty chairs at empty tables. Where my friends will sing no more…”

Finn heard his mother’s sniffles and he reached out to take her hand. Burt was wiping at his eyes and even Sue was biting her lower lip to keep her emotions in check. It had been a powerful performance and the applause from the audience was well deserved.

He took a deep breath and readied himself for what he knew would be an amazing finale.

* * *

Kurt was grateful to have a few moments to rest before the finale and enjoy watching the rest of the show from the wings. His friends in the ensemble had hurried to make a quick change to ballgowns and suits for the wedding scene and were currently changing costumes for the final time. He found Rachel and the others emerging from the quick-change area and couldn’t help from pulling them into a group hug.

“We’re almost there,” he promised. They were only moments away from the final song and the dye would be cast. They had done their best and given the performances of their lives. Hopefully it would be well received because they’d worked so hard for so long.

From their place behind a screen that would shield them from the audience, they could watch Sean giving Jean Valjean the kind of glorious send off that the character deserved. Valjean was ready to face death, having secured Cosette’s future happiness with Marius and rose to join the ghosts of Fantine and Eponine.

“Take my hand, and lead me to salvation,” they sang gently while Cosette wept over her father’s death. Marius tried to comfort her while mourning the man who had saved his live. “Take my love, for love is everlasting.”

Valjean was looking upwards as a warm spotlight encased them in an ethereal glow. The lines of worry on his face seemed to fade as he faced his reward for a life well-lived. Kurt had to admit that the effect was quite engaging and would look remarkable from the audience.

On the stage, Cosette and Marius began to read the letter than Valjean had given her, holding one another close while Fantine and Eponine lead Valjean to his heavenly reward. “And remember, the truth that once was spoken. To love another person is to see the face of God...”

Kurt felt Rachel reaching over to squeeze his hand as the backlights came up behind them, giving them a ghostly appearance to the audience.

“Do you hear the people sing,” all of them began, their voices soft as if drifting on a breeze. “Lost in the valley of the night. It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light.

“For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies. Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.”

The screen raised so that the audience could fully see the figures of the entire cast, all the characters that had died and the ensemble players that had filled the stage. The street children, the bishop who’d been so kind to Jean Valjean, all the Friends of the ABC… even Javert joined them, having found some small redemption. Kurt stepped out proudly, flanked by his friends and castmates.

“They will live again in freedom in the garden of the Lord,” they sang, the sheer number of voices creating a layered wall of sound that, from Kurt’s perspective, sounded absolutely gorgeous. He looked out from the stage, seeing the audience beyond the lights and knew that the performers were giving them what they had come for.

“They will walk behind the plough share. They will put away the sword. The chain will be broken, and all men will have their reward!”

The cast step up to fall in line with Valjean, Eponine and Fantine, the three of them joining in with the full cast. Cosette and Marius joined in the singing and the entire cast launched into full voice.

“Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me?” Kurt sang out, trying to keep in character and not let the joyous smile that was threatening to escape touch his features. “Somewhere beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?”

He puffed out his chest proudly and squared his shoulders, placing a comradely hand on Grantaire’s shoulder. “Do you hear the people sing? Say, do you hear the distant drums. It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!”

The cast stepped to the front of the stage, filling it with their numbers and filling the theater with the glorious chorus of their voices. Now there were no stars or leads. There was just a group of people who had lived and endured and left their own mark on the world. Behind them, the lights glowed warm in tones of gold and red, giving the impression of a rising sun.

“Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see? Do you hear the people sing? Say, do you hear the distant drums? It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes!”

He felt dampness on his cheeks and realized that he was crying. But that didn’t stop him from giving everything he had for the final notes. The entire cast threw their full beings into the last words, wanting to leave an indelible impression on those who had come to see them.

“Ohhhh….. ohhhh…. Tomorrow… comes!”

When the last note finally faded, Kurt almost didn’t hear the audience through the buzzing in his ears. He felt oddly detached, as if watching what was happening from some distant position and not standing on that stage. He saw the audience getting to their feet and applauding and cheering and it took him a moment to really grasp just what he and the others had accomplished that night. When his head cleared, the roar of applause was positively thunderous.

They had rehearsed the curtain call so that it would run smoothly. The group stepped back so that everyone would have their chance to take a bow and bask in the audience’s regard. Members of the ensemble were first, going forward in groups of ten and were surprisingly orderly for such a large group while the other members of the cast applauded their peers and gave them the respect that they deserved.

He watched as Rachel went out with other women of the ensemble, including Analisa, Katya and Mei, bowing and taking in the standing ovation. The expression on the girls’ faces was absolutely radiant and Rachel especially looked thrilled. He clapped for them, unable to resist giving a hoot of support for his friends.

The men in the ensemble went next, and Kurt cheered for Jamie and Tommy and Mitchel. All of the child actors then stepped forward, with special acknowledgement made for the ones who’d played Gavroche and the younger versions of and Eponine that night. He was so happy for them to have this kind of opportunity so early in their acting careers. He hoped that they remembered this night and that it would inspire them going forward for years to come.

It then became time for the named characters to take their bows and Kurt felt himself all but quivering as he waited for his turn. When the Friends of the ABC stepped forward, he was at the center of the line and couldn’t help from smiling when the applause from the audience seemed to grow louder. Each of them was given a chance to bow as individuals and as the leader of the group, Kurt was last. When it was his turn, the others stepped back and left Kurt to stand at the center of that large stage by himself, feeling the full weight of the audience’s regards and they cheered and clapped for him. His throat tight from holding in his emotions, he bowed again, one hand over his heart before stepping back to join the others.

Once the cast was done, a smiling Professor Carmody stepped out onto the stage and was applauded by both the audience and the cast for her tremendous accomplishment. She joined her students for one last bow as a group before the curtain came down, shielding them from the audience’s view. Behind the heavy velvet, Kurt could hear the muffled applause that only died down when the house lights came on.

Professor Carmody turned to her cast with a tired but satisfied smile on her face. “I’m not going to waste your time with congratulations, because you know how well you did,” she advised. She wiped at her eyes, brushing away joyous tears. “Go get yourselves cleaned up, because there’s a hell of a party waiting for all of you.

“Make sure that all of your costumes and props are accounted for,” she instructed firmly. “Don’t make the tech teams’ job harder than it needs to be. Be ready in an hour for the buses to take us to the gala. Miss them and you’re on your own getting there.” With another smile, she left her cast to get themselves sorted out.

With an exhausted sigh of relief the whole group fell into excited chatter as they turned to congratulate one another. Kurt felt many pats on his back and words of praise and he returned them whole heartedly. He found his friends, giving Jamie a tight hug of friendship as they congratulated on another. He ruffled Tommy’s hair, hugged Analisa and Katya and Mei… his eyes darted about for Rachel, seeing her talking with some of the other girls from the ensemble.

Watching her being part of a group, treating other performers as peers rather than supporters made Kurt’s heart swell. For all that he believed that Rachel had truly changed, there was still a faint question mark hanging over her. It was one thing for her not to set herself in direct competition with him, but how she would behave with people who truly would be competition for her… other actresses who had their own aspirations and goals was the real challenge. He knew that she had set this up as a challenge for herself; a test to see if she could really handle being in a supporting role with grace and give the show everything she could. That she succeeded beyond anyone’s expectations made him thrilled on her behalf.

He hurried to her side and pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close and pressing his face against her hair. She clutched at him tightly, her face against his shoulder and trembling slightly from the overflow of emotions. Kurt’s own emotions were cascading wildly through his brain and he felt that he might just fall apart without Rachel’s presence to ground him. They just held one another, trying to find a small eye of calm in a sea of activity around them.

Neither of the said a word, because there was nothing that needed to be said between them. They would praise one another’s performances later on, when they had a chance to mentally regroup. For now, all Kurt wanted to do was savor her presence and ponder how grateful he was to have shared this incredible experience with her.

They didn’t want to let go of one another, not with the heady emotions still bubbling up within them. But as the other members of the cast began to disperse and the tech teams moved to close things down for the night, they knew that they couldn’t hold onto that moment forever. But letting go of one another didn’t change things. They parted with the full knowledge of what they’d accomplished.

“We’d better start getting ready,” Rachel sighed, loosening her hold on her best friend and dabbing at her tearing eyes. “I don’t know about you, but there is no way I’m going to be late for this party. Not with that amazing dress you picked out for me.”

He couldn’t help from chuckling tiredly, bending to kiss her forehead. “I’ll see you in a little bit. Go make yourself gorgeous,” he urged with a smile.

He retreated to his dressing room where his castmates were busy cleaning up and getting ready for the party. When Kurt entered the cramped room, the other young men looked up and welcomed him with a rousing cheer.

“Hey, nice for you to join us fearless leader,” Ryan teased, having already stripped down to his shorts.

“Jezz, Ryan… put some fucking clothes on,” Eddie, who played Grantaire complained, throwing a dirty hand towel at the other man.

Jack grinned broadly. “Kurt, that was some job you did,” he praised. “It was really fantastic.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said thankfully, stripping off his shirt. “Everyone was amazing. You all did such a great job… it gave me something to measure up to.”

He would have loved a shower but there was no time for that. A spot wash with a damp cloth to get the sweat off his skin would have to suffice. He got all the stage paint off his face, taking special care to cleanse his skin and moisturize to keep his complexion from looking too ruddy. There wasn’t a whole lot that he could do with the mess that was his hair except bush it out and use some spray to try to hold it into place so that he didn’t look like a dust mop.

He checked the time on his phone and saw that Adam was probably only midway through the second act for his show. Knowing that they wouldn’t be able to talk until much later in the evening, he sent a quick text.

Just got off stage a few minutes ago. Think that things went pretty well. Will call you later tonight. Love you.

He hit “send” with a sigh. No use moping about what he couldn’t do anything about. There was a message from his brother that the show was great and they would see him at the party. That definitely improved his mood considerably.

“Hey Kurt, you’d better hurry up,” Ryan urged as he dressed. “Don’t want to miss the bus.”

Kurt smiled and nodded. “Give me five,” he requested, getting up from his table. While he wished that he could see Adam and be able to celebrate with him, there was no use dwelling on what couldn’t be changed. Adam would want him to enjoy himself and not fixate on his partner’s absence. He had a lot of people to celebrate with and this promised to be a wonderful evening. Adam would be the first person to urge him to go out, peacock a little and enjoy himself even if he couldn’t be there.

By the time the actors and crew loaded up onto the buses, Kurt’s mood had decidedly lightened. He was dressed in a fabulous suit and off to celebrate their successful performance. He was surrounded by friends and castmates and it was hard to feel badly about the one blemish on what had been an amazing evening. He deserved the chance to look back on what he’d just accomplished with pride and Adam would be the last person in the world to begrudge him that chance.

There would be many things to celebrate together when Adam returned home. This would be one more thing they could add to the list.

A/N  -   I was very fortunate to find video of a chapter that matched nearly exactly how I envisioned this production - staging, costuming and performances. If you want a clearer look at how I saw NYADA's production to play out, it's worth watching. The production was done in Madrid and entirely in Spanish and is very well worth watching.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=les+miserables+madrid

[yeyshonan]

Jakob Kudsk Steensen: Nature That We Have Forgotten from Louisiana Channel on Vimeo.

“I built a world that everybody could feel connected to.”

Welcome to one of the most interesting artworks of 2021 – Jakob Kudsk Steensen’s Berl-Berl at the iconic Halle am Berghain in Berlin. “Every loop will always be different. Repetition and change. Like hypnosis. I want to get into people’s minds.”

For many years Jacob Kudsk Steensen has built virtual environments. This time he has re-created the wetlands around the city of Berlin. “I grew up in the digital age that felt very fractured. You have the internet; you have video games; you can connect with everybody everywhere. But during covid and the lockdown, I was retained to one location. So I rediscovered a kind of emotional reconnection to what is hyper-local. For the past two years, I have been exploring formations of nature that were right in front of me but that you rarely think about. I have chosen to look at the overlooked landscape. Suddenly you can show a tiny mushroom on a screen that is 14 m large. You create new perspectives on nature.”

“All my work is connected by an interest in landscapes and how we can use technology to experience them in new ways,” Steensen says, adding that he is particularly interested in the smaller ecosystems “in different parts of the world that are changing because of a general climate change.” In these places, specialized biologists research one specific thing, and Kudsk Steensen spends 3-6 months in a given landscape, talking to them, taking photographs, collecting soil, leaves etc. He then returns to his studio, where he creates digital creatures and locations based on his expedition: “I transform it a bit, and enable new ways of sensing and perceiving, for example, the leaf of a tree. So a leaf would be on a gigantic scale, and the veins are like two meters wide, and you can see everything pulsating, you can touch it and move around it.”

“There are a lot of natural histories that we have forgotten”, Jakob Kudsk Steensen goes on telling. “All of the different cultures in Europe are founded on wetlands and swamps. Berlin actually means swamp. But we have forgotten this history. We have ruined the thing we are originated from.”

Though the landscape lives digitally, Kudsk Steensen continuously adapts the piece to the architecture of the exhibition because it creates a new world: “It’s like a friction space between this cultivated museum space and the remote ecosystem that I had to go to… and then the exhibition itself is this fractured space or this middle existence that I think we all live in right now.” It is precisely this meeting point, this “middle existence”, which makes up our perception of reality, that Kudsk Steensen seeks to play with.

Thus, Berl-Berl is not only a virtual environment and a digital swamp. At the same time, it is an instrument and a song. “A living digital environment that is evolving all the time and is changing the building resulting in the building becoming one big instrument. A bit like a cathedral that tells a story about the heavens, about nature and the world where human voice can occupy the whole space.”

Jakob Kudsk Steensen (b. 1987) is a Danish artist and art director based in Berlin. He is working with environmental storytelling through 3d animation, sound and immersive installations. He creates poetic interpretations about overlooked natural phenomena through collaborations with field biologists, composers and writers. Projects are based on extensive fieldwork.

Key collaborators include Musician ARCA, Composer and Musical Director for the Philip Glass Ensemble Michael Riesman, Ornithologist and author Dr Douglas H. Pratt, Architect Sir David Adjaye OBE RA, BTS, the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, and the Natural History Museum Berlin, among others. Jakob has recently exhibited with his major solo exhibition “Berl-Berl” in Berlin at Halle am Berghain, commissioned by LAS, and at Luma Arles with “Liminal Lands” for the “Prelude” exhibition. He was a finalist for the Future Generation Art Prize at the 2019 Venice Biennale. He received the Serpentine Augmented Architecture commission in 2019 to create his work The Deep Listener with Google Arts and Culture. He is the recipient of the best VR graphics for RE-ANIMATED (2019) at the Cinequest Festival for Technology and Cinema, the Prix du Jury (2019) at Les Rencontres Arles, the Webby Award - People’s Choice VR (2018), and the Games for Change Award - Most Innovative (2018), among others. For more see: jakobsteensen.com/

Jakob Kudsk Steensen was interviewed by Marc-Christoph Wagner in Halle am Berghain, Berlin in September 2021.

Camera: Mark Nickels Edited by: Jarl Therkelsen Kaldan Produced by: Marc-Christoph Wagner

Additional material documenting Jakob’s fieldwork: DOP: Melih Akya Gimbal: Mario Hegewald Sound: Kaya Schwarz

Copyright: Louisiana Channel, Louisiana Museum of Modern Art, 2021

Louisiana Channel is supported by Den A.P. Møllerske Støttefond, Ny Carlsbergfondet and C.L. Davids Fond og Samling.

[automaticar]

“I built a world that everybody could feel connected to.” Welcome to one of the most interesting artworks of 2021 – Jakob Kudsk Steensen’s Berl-Berl at the iconic Halle am Berghain in Berlin. “Every loop will always be different. Repetition and change. Like hypnosis. I want to get into people’s minds.” For many years Jacob Kudsk Steensen has built virtual environments. This time he has re-created the wetlands around the city of Berlin. “I grew up in the digital age that felt very fractured. You have the internet; you have video games; you can connect with everybody everywhere. But during covid and the lockdown, I was retained to one location. So I rediscovered a kind of emotional reconnection to what is hyper-local. For the past two years, I have been exploring formations of nature that were right in front of me but that you rarely think about. I have chosen to look at the overlooked landscape. Suddenly you can show a tiny mushroom on a screen that is 14 m large. You create new perspectives on nature.” “All my work is connected by an interest in landscapes and how we can use technology to experience them in new ways,” Steensen says, adding that he is particularly interested in the smaller ecosystems “in different parts of the world that are changing because of a general climate change.” In these places, specialized biologists research one specific thing, and Kudsk Steensen spends 3-6 months in a given landscape, talking to them, taking photographs, collecting soil, leaves etc. He then returns to his studio, where he creates digital creatures and locations based on his expedition: “I transform it a bit, and enable new ways of sensing and perceiving, for example, the leaf of a tree. So a leaf would be on a gigantic scale, and the veins are like two meters wide, and you can see everything pulsating, you can touch it and move around it.” “There are a lot of natural histories that we have forgotten”, Jakob Kudsk Steensen goes on telling. “All of the different cultures in Europe are founded on wetlands and swamps. Berlin actually means swamp. But we have forgotten this history. We have ruined the thing we are originated from.” Though the landscape lives digitally, Kudsk Steensen continuously adapts the piece to the architecture of the exhibition because it creates a new world: “It’s like a friction space between this cultivated museum space and the remote ecosystem that I had to go to… and then the exhibition itself is this fractured space or this middle existence that I think we all live in right now.” It is precisely this meeting point, this “middle existence”, which makes up our perception of reality, that Kudsk Steensen seeks to play with. Thus, Berl-Berl is not only a virtual environment and a digital swamp. At the same time, it is an instrument and a song. “A living digital environment that is evolving all the time and is changing the building resulting in the building becoming one big instrument. A bit like a cathedral that tells a story about the heavens, about nature and the world where human voice can occupy the whole space.” Jakob Kudsk Steensen (b. 1987) is a Danish artist and art director based in Berlin. He is working with environmental storytelling through 3d animation, sound and immersive installations. He creates poetic interpretations about overlooked natural phenomena through collaborations with field biologists, composers and writers. Projects are based on extensive fieldwork. Key collaborators include Musician ARCA, Composer and Musical Director for the Philip Glass Ensemble Michael Riesman, Ornithologist and author Dr Douglas H. Pratt, Architect Sir David Adjaye OBE RA, BTS, the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, and the Natural History Museum Berlin, among others. Jakob has recently exhibited with his major solo exhibition “Berl-Berl” in Berlin at Halle am Berghain, commissioned by LAS, and at Luma Arles with “Liminal Lands” for the “Prelude” exhibition. He was a finalist for the Future Generation Art Prize at the 2019 Venice Biennale. He received the Serpentine Augmented Architecture commission in 2019 to create his work The Deep Listener with Google Arts and Culture. He is the recipient of the best VR graphics for RE-ANIMATED (2019) at the Cinequest Festival for Technology and Cinema, the Prix du Jury (2019) at Les Rencontres Arles, the Webby Award - People’s Choice VR (2018), and the Games for Change Award - Most Innovative (2018), among others. For more see: https://ift.tt/3klBMA9 Jakob Kudsk Steensen was interviewed by Marc-Christoph Wagner in Halle am Berghain, Berlin in September 2021. Camera: Mark Nickels Edited by: Jarl Therkelsen Kaldan Produced by: Marc-Christoph Wagner Additional material documenting Jakob’s fieldwork: DOP: Melih Akya Gimbal: Mario Hegewald Sound: Kaya Schwarz Copyright: Louisiana Channel, Louisiana Museum of Modern Art, 2021 Louisiana Channel is supported by Den A.P. Møllerske Støttefond, Ny Carlsbergfondet and C.L. Davids Fond og Samling.

[nyfacurrent]

Conversations | Alicia Ehni at NALAC Leadership Institute

NALAC Fellows talk to IAP Newsletter Editor about their lives as Latinx artists.

In July, IAP Newsletter Editor, Alicia Ehni, participated in the NALAC Leadership Institute (NLI), hosted by the National Association of Latino Arts and Culture, which delivers innovative and practical strategies to artists and arts administrators chosen from all over the country. Over the last 18 years, the Leadership Institute has developed a curriculum that is based on a historical overview and analysis of Latino arts and cultures in the U.S., including the vital role of community involvement.

Adriana Gallego, NALAC Chief Operating Officer and artist, comments about this year’s program: “Every year, the NALAC Leadership Institute strengthens the Latinx and inter-cultural artistic sectors with multi-generations of artists and arts leaders to bridge collaborations and alliances across ethnic, geographic, and intergenerational lines. This connectedness is critical in our pursuit for cultural equity, which will arise when diverse populations address social inequality together and work to create shared opportunities for access to resources, cultural participation, and artistic production.”

This year, 29 artists and arts administrators were chosen to participate in the NALAC Leadership Institute in San Antonio. A follow-up was conducted a month later with the 2018 Fellows to see how this program is impacting their careers and lives. Many of these Fellows are wearing multiple hats. This interview highlights the different voices of talented Latino artists who share their insights and strategies on successfully navigating their multiple roles.  

NYFA: How do you see your role as an artist and leader after participating in the NALAC Leadership Institute (NLI)?

Christine Lamprea: I have a new perspective on my career as a classical cellist. I see possibilities of curating a more uniquely tailored concert season for myself, rather than trying to succeed in more traditional models of success in classical music. I feel more empowered to lean into my strengths, some of which stem from the history of my parents and their immigration story, as well as characteristics that stem from the beauty of Latinx culture. 

Jaime Garza: NLI has been a very strong support system for me. The week-long intense immersion of Latino-based art and culture made me feel like part of something bigger than myself.

In Chicago, I’m known because of my work as a musician with the band Dos Santos and as an arts promoter, curator, and organizer of independent events. The role I play in Chicago is to help and support other artists and musicians. Attending NLI has given me skills and a wider scope of Latinx culture, that I hope to use to continue assisting local artists and myself, so we can create meaningful art.

Jessy De León: I've always known that music and art reflect a nation's culture; however, through NLI I was able to see more clearly what the ones that came before us have done to preserve their Hispanic identity through the Chicano movement. NLI helped me realized that the non-profit I founded, Comparte tu Luz, was created not only to help communities understand the importance of art but also that artists have a responsibility to promote and preserve their culture, by remembering who they are and where they have come from. This is reflected in their art.

Johana Moscoso: After NLI I see my role as that of a connector who connects personal and intimate instances in daily life that affect our current society. Living in a small town in Wisconsin as a Colombian immigrant–who has a thick Hispanic accent and starts sentences saying ¡Ay!–has created an urgency in me to connect my workplace with immigrants who only speak Español, or as I grew up calling it, Castellano. This urgency has extended to my art practice.  

For me, it is necessary to create art that critically reflects the Latinx culture as a vital component of American society, history, and art. I celebrate my Latinx culture by merging performance, video, sculpture, and fiber art into large-scale installations.

Michael Menchaca: I feel much more confident moving forward after NLI, with a better idea of what my artistic vision is and what I need to do in order to achieve my goals. I have started the groundwork to better organize my work schedule and prioritize my deadlines. The network of colleagues I made during the NLI fellowship has further motivated me to become a stronger cultural leader in the arts. 

Paty Lorena Solórzano: After NLI, I felt an incredible sense of value and motivation to rise above the challenges that come from being in a field that lacks representation and equity for Latinx dance artists, especially for women of color!

I think there's a lot that comes from validation–to feel that your work matters and that you can acquire the tools to make your work visible. It gives you power. I feel a greater sense of responsibility for my Latinx community in dance, and I hope to use the knowledge I gained at NLI to continue to advocate for and uplift other Latinx dancers and choreographers. We really need it!

NYFA: What concrete actions will you implement in your current work? 

Christine Lamprea: One of the strongest metaphors from NLI was the season arc, where an artist can create subcategories to delve into and market. I imagined myself holding the arc like a little basket, and I could reach in and pull out one of my recital programs to tour, or a future commission, or another project. The sense of being the owner of my season, rather than a hopeful participant in others’ seasons, was an important mental switch for me. Currently, I am developing a curriculum for a summer festival for Latinx string players, in addition to building my performance career as a solo cellist and pedagogue.

Jaime Garza: The things I learned and plan to implement are organizational and involve stepping back to see the bigger picture. Basing my collaboration or actions on my values will help my workflow in a more positive way. Organizing in groups, teams, or communities invested in decision-making is a must. Community building and partnerships are where I am putting more work going forward, in conjunction with grant writing and resources research.

Suzy González: NLI inspired me to keep doing what I do but to be more organized and proactive in doing it. It taught me to push myself to achieve my goals. For each of my roles–as artist, curator, educator, publisher–I now have the tools needed to strategically formulate my vision, mission, and goals. This will help me progress in my field without getting distracted by work that does not get me where I want to be. It also restored my sense of confidence and the reminder to not sell myself short.

Johana Moscoso: I will work with communities during my creative process, and create public programming around my art pieces to help foster relationships. Currently, I am working on funding the Ingrid López Project. It is a large scale installation that includes sculptures, tapestries, video and/or sound, and the participation of López’s Florida community. It celebrates the life of my beloved family member Ingrid and how she touched many lives before her untimely passing. She helped immigrants, especially Latinx individuals, when they moved to the United States. She assisted in creating better lives for their families. To make this project, I will reconnect with her community in Florida and document people’s testimonies and turn them into my artwork. The project aims to uplift immigrant’s voices and evoke empathy around migration.

Paty Lorena Solórzano: I am in the beginning stages of Mapping la Monarca: Danzas Migratorias, a site-specific migratory dance work and long distance walk that will begin at the Monarch sanctuary in my native Michocán, and will traverse the journey of the butterfly to Michigan. It will involve scientific, social, and choreographic research on the movement of the butterfly, and connect metaphorically to social justice and discrimination towards migrant communities from Mexico and Central America.  

The NIL training gave key tools that will help me with this and other future artistic projects.  Specifically, the funding workshop gave me insight into the breadth of resources available for artists. I think I used to look narrowly at the artistic/dance community for support, and now I realize the importance of moving through and beyond other supporting networks. If I can also let my community know what I as an artist can offer them, they, in turn, can support the work I do in creative ways.  So for this project, I'm really thinking about finding collaborations outside of my creative circles, and finding support in networks in and beyond the usual funding resources typically available.

Additionally, through NLI, I learned about the structures of arts organizations. For example, though I was familiar with the function of a board of directors, it was helpful to go through the mock exercise of a board meeting conducting business. Again, having that knowledge and then having the NLI faculty giving us tools, encouraging us to serve in a board and become advocates for art in our communities...that's power. This is where decisions are made about the future of the arts in small and large scale ways, so the Latinx presence matters.

NYFA: The NLI program is very unique; it puts artists and arts administrators in the same room. How did you benefit from this program format?  

Mario Mesquita: As an artist and administrator, I find it confusing to separate my roles. I am more comfortable with “cultural producer,” which encompasses both. Much of my art practice and chosen traditional-work involves creative ways to make change, including conversation, organized moments of exchange, reflection, brainstorming, and solution-making. Being in a room with like-minded individuals was nutritive and served to strengthen and fortify my role. With new, lasting relationships from this experience, my hope is to continue to investigate and take action using art as a tool for social change and education. At every stage–from funding, organizing, and implementing, I will encourage reciprocal dialogue and learning.

Johana Moscoso: I learned that my vision sustains my art practice and my job as a Residency Coordinator in the John Michael Kohler Arts Center’s Community Arts department. This institution funded my trip to the NLI, supports my bilingual work with the Latinx community, encourages new art in public spaces by Latinx women artists, and welcomes professionals from different ethnicities.

Meeting Latinx leaders was such an inspiring and phenomenal experience! With them, I found answers to questions that I never thought someone else would ask, or feel the necessity to share. Switching between English and Spanish, learning about the history of our “American Latinidades,” and being part of such an energetic and powerful community is an experience I will always remember.

Jessy De León: I am both an artist and arts administrator, and being in a room full of both allowed me to enhance my vision about art and the importance of distinguishing and separating both roles. As Executive Director, I've been so focused on getting the paperwork done lately that I had forgotten to devote some time to get creative, write new songs, paint, dance, etc... Both roles are so important and brighten and beautify Comparte tu Luz in different ways, where you see the same picture through different lenses that allow you to truly see the whole picture. The minute I got home I started applying this and I've written about 3 songs, created some beats, and will soon start rehearsing a new dance while also making sure we are moving forward with the paperwork. NLI was like laser surgery to enhance my blurry vision.

This interview is part of the ConEdison Immigrant Artist Program Newsletter #108. Subscribe to this free monthly e-mail for artist’s features, opportunities, and events.

- Interview Conducted by Alicia Ehni, Program Officer at NYFA Learning

All Images: Luis M. Garza, courtesy of NALAC.

[umusicians]

UM Interview: Justine Tyrell

Calgary based R&B artist Justine Tyrell is a voice to be watching for.

The Alberta native was drawn to music, because of how it makes her feel. Whether it’s singing, writing or performing, Tyrell finds comfort in music as it brings her a sense of belonging. To date, Justine has earned nominations for Singer of the Year, Solo Artist of the Year, Media Personality of the Year (Obsidian Awards), and has been named one of Branded Magazine’s ‘Game Changers, in her City of Calgary, Alberta’. Last month, Justine released a R&B piano ballad called “Radar”.

Amandah Opoku sat down Justine Tyrell to talk about her new single “Radar”, growth as an artist, musical inspirations and more!

Amandah Opoku: Justine, thank you for doing this interview today! Before we kick off please tell our readers about yourself and one random fact people do not know about you Justine Tyrell: I'm Justine Tyrell, a Canadian R&B artist based in Calgary. I gravitate to a lot of inspiration from the 90's and early 2000's R&B that l grew up on, but also love playing with contemporary feels and experimenting with blurring genre boundaries. Coffee addict. Never in bed before 4am - and hopelessly obsessed with Dinosaurs and Fossils. I also have a tattoo that's most definitely spelled wrong.

Amandah Opoku: If you could describe your music in three words. What words would you choose and why? Justine Tyrell: Soulful. Moody. Authentic. Soulful in that I try to attach whatever I'm feeling into my vocal and deliver it from a real space. My writing style is always chasing a mood or a feeling, and for as long as I can remember I've had a thing for sultry, more melancholy, and vibey melodies. Authentic in that everything I write represents a side of me and a side of my imagination - and I want to paint a picture that makes listeners feel like they are right there too.   Amandah Opoku: What inspired you to start writing and releasing music as an artist? Justine Tyrell: I started writing around 7 years old - and it just felt like the way my brain processed and spit things back out. I also remember hearing "Viva Forever" by the Spice Girls, and bawling while thinking that was the most inspiring, upsetting, and therapeutic thing - I had to know more about that feeling.   Amandah Opoku: What artists have inspired you and influenced you musically both through your sound and lyrically? Justine Tyrell: Aaliyah, Amy Winehouse, Alicia Keys, Summer Walker, Masego, and Daniel Caeser are just some that have always been brilliant to me.   Amandah Opoku: 2020 was an interesting year for us, as we’ve had to adapt to our “new normal”. How has the pandemic affected you as a musician? What have you learned about yourself? Justine Tyrell: What a ride 2020 was for us all. Looking back, it opened me up to more time with myself and gave me the ability to kind of retreat and create. It also forced me to look at myself and how I do things  and have a bit of an evolve or dissolve mentality, which pushed me in a way that I'm thankful for. I also learned how much I can't do alone, so it made me really appreciate everyone that's in my life and my creative circle that adapted with me to find new ways to get projects off the ground.   Amandah Opoku: You released your single “Calmest Commotion” in 2017. Looking back at the past 4 years, how do you think you’ve grown as an artist? Justine Tyrell: I think I've continued to hone in on my sound and my perspective on how and why I make music. Those years were amazing and critical in going from "who do I want to be, how do I want to sound" - to "who am I, and how do I just create what feels good to me." By no means do I have it figured out (at.all), but I've grown into a place of striving to be my number one fan first - and I'm good to keep evolving, as long as that feeling is at the root. I'm still really proud of that stage in my career though!   Amandah Opoku: Since you started pursuing your music career, what is one thing you wish you knew before you started this journey? Justine Tyrell: That there's no straight path - and that everyone is struggling behind the scenes. It's perfectly normal and okay to struggle too. Be open about it, honour it - and keep going.   Amandah Opoku: You recently released your single “Radar” which you recorded live off the floor. Your vocals, delivery...it’s beautiful. What inspired you to release “Radar” this way? Justine Tyrell: Thank you so much! Honestly, it was the moment. It called for something just raw, and organic. Very much the way the song was composed, and written - so it just felt so right to let the song live in that type of style.   Amandah Opoku: What was the writing and recording process like for “Radar”? Did the writing process for “Radar” differ from your previous releases? Justine Tyrell: YES. So much. It was a two-day turnaround from writing, composing, and recording it - which was not typical. The writing process of the song was unusually fluid. I heard my collaborators lay down those chords, and the whole idea had come together within about an hour. Usually I'd spend waaay more time with a song, and finesse every element - but I just let this one go, and that felt good   Amandah Opoku: Of all the songs you’ve released and written to date, what would you say is your favorite lyric and why? Justine Tyrell: Ah! Well, it was Worthy, but honestly - so much about Radar felt so special, that it takes the cake.

Amandah Opoku: As you continue to pursue your career as an artist, what do you hope to achieve? Justine Tyrell: I want to continue to build a community of listeners who enjoy my music and vibe with it. I LOVE seeing listeners from around the world, and I want to keep building that reach as far as it can go. I'd love to collaborate with some of my faves (Masego for one, would be a dream). And someday in the near future get back to traveling, to writing and touring.

Amandah Opoku: As an artist, what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced? Justine Tyrell: Myself. Perfectionism has been a battle with me, and picking myself and work apart - to the point where for a long time, I wasn’t releasing music. I still struggle with getting in my own way if I'm being fully real - so every day I have to make the decision to put fear and all the crap that gets in my head, in the backseat. Knowing when to let go of something is a big one for me.

Amandah Opoku: For new fans who come across your music, what would you like them to take away from your music? Justine Tyrell: My music is a place to indulge. Feel extra. Tap into a mood or a side of yourself that owes nothing to anybody.

Amandah Opoku: With “Radar” out now, what can fans expect from you this year? Justine Tyrell: Expect more new music from me, including my debut EP! I can't wait to share this with you guys.   Amandah Opoku: Justine, thank you for sitting down with me! Before we close this interview is there anything you want to say to your fans and our readers? Justine Tyrell: Thank you so much for having me! Be good to yourself. This past year has been a lot, and wherever you're at - that’s perfectly okay. Lastly - lets connect! Hit me up on socials, and let me know how you're doing.

Connect with Justine Tyrell on the following websites: www.justinetyrell.com https://www.instagram.com/justinetyrell https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_6G2pXR0vE-nBF3SBBA1Ww https://www.facebook.com/JustineTyrellMusic/ https://twitter.com/justinetl https://open.spotify.com/artist/0X4fb30ZeZnyuYILaXTxDd

[drvinyl]

Interview: D E L A N I L A

Words by Charlotte Christie 

Back when lockdown was a mere twinkle in BoJo’s eye, I was experiencing a mild existential crisis. I look back and can’t help but wonder: if someone had linked me to Delanila’s CV, would it have tipped me over the edge? Trust me, it’s that impressive. 

 As an established classical composer, Danielle Eva Schwob, has worked on projects ranging from Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! to David Attenborough documentaries. As Delanila, The New Yorker has  heralded her as a “notable cross-genre composer” and she even locked-down before ‘lockdown’ was a thing! Last week, we talked a bit more about her musical evolution and the making of her new record, Overloaded. 

Before we start, I just want to say that I really loved your album. I thought it was so unique. The Philosopher is my favourite.

 That’s such a lovely compliment. Thank you!

You’ve done some really interesting projects but Overloaded is a step in another direction. What inspired the transition from classical composer to alternative pop-punk? 

Again, thank you. Honestly it wasn’t really a transition since I’ve been writing songs and playing in bands since I was a teenager.  For whatever reason my composing work started moving along publicly first so I’ve been following that train, but really I’ve always done both.  I think what might appear outwardly to be a departure is actually more of a moment of coming full circle and finally connecting all the dots.

What is the biggest challenge you have faced as a musician moving between genres? (If at all.)

That’s a great question. And there are lots. I think it’s mostly just a challenge to feel as though I’m constantly growing on all creative fronts, as you can only focus on so many projects at one time.  I think they do all feed in to and inform one another, especially as I get deeper and deeper with each one, but at the end of the day different genres are different art forms. It’s like keeping up with multiple foreign languages. The more you know, the easier they get to learn, but you still have to keep them active to hold on to them.

Beyond that, marketing in the alternative world drives me mad. It’s so image and social media driven. I hate taking pictures of myself all the time and the way that the ‘algorithm’ basically forces women to objectify themselves.  I find it challenging to navigate in a way that doesn’t turn my stomach.

Overloaded’s second single is “It’s Been a While Since I Went Outside”. I’m interested that you made this album during a period of voluntary isolation (before we knew COVID-19 existed). Could you tell me a bit more about the album’s creation? 

Sure. I am a workaholic, and being a workaholic as a composer and independent musician means spending a lot of time writing alone in your studio.  On top of that,  at one point I also had mono for six months and was so fatigued that I could barely stand up.  All I could do was watch TV, and so I think the song naturally grew from the isolation of both of those circumstances. Especially the line “I’m never alone, I’ve got friends in the shows, and they’re not going anywhere.”

Do you feel that it prepared you for the current situation?

I do actually feel it prepared me quite well for lockdown, as much as anything could ever really prepare any of us to be isolated for this long.  My ‘work from home’ lifestyle hasn’t changed so that’s been easy, but the things I do to offset that isolation - seeing friends, going to restaurants, browsing a bookstore etc. - I’ve been missing a lot. Especially as I live alone so it’s hard to break the mood.

Was there a non-music related activity that got you through self-isolation? If so, what was it?

Yes. Cycling. Along with many in NYC, I’ve been taking to the bike lanes! Hopefully not to the danger of other cyclists! After sitting still and being cooped up for so long, it’s great to feel the air moving and cover some distance.

I read that you have bases in LA, NYC and London. How does where you are influence the art you make? 

Well, sort of. I’ve lived and worked in all those cities, bounce around and have friends and family all over, but it’s not like I have three apartments.  As far as their influence, I think the place you live informs so much of who you are that it comes out in your music whether you want it to or not. For me, NYC in particular I think has been very formative. The album is called Overloaded, and in many ways I can’t think of a better way to describe New York.  It’s dense, intense, overstimulated, at times fun and others lonely. Plus there’s always this feeling of being amidst people yet detached from them. Even just the look of the skyscrapers, with people stacked on top of one another and so frequently depicted in film, I think has been impactful. While working on the record I actually often played the tracks back against movie trailers with dramatic city scapes to see how they held up.  The record basically is life in NYC, to me at least.

Who or what inspires you the most?

Probably visual art and film.  Whenever I’m stuck on something I’m writing, I go to an art museum. Cildo Meireles, Hito Steyerl and Louise Bourgeois are some that have floored me over the years. I like immersive pieces and installations. I think because they often feel like film sets.

Beyond that, just the other creative people I know. It’s an amazing thing to be part of a community where you’re all building careers at the same time, watching each other’s voices expand.  More specifically, the other composers I went through the Sundance Labs with, every single one of whom I think is great, and also my brother, who is an experimental glassblower.

As an artist: do you think it is more important to be true to yourself or to be liked by the masses and why? 

Well, I write classical music, which is hardly cracking the top 40, so as a surprise to absolutely no one, I’m going to say…to be true to yourself.  Because authenticity speaks to people and I think if you do that you can also be liked, or at least understood by most.  While if you shoot to be liked by ‘the masses,’ it’s hard to be true to yourself, and you may not be liked by anyone. I think there’s the potential to do both one way, but not the other.  To me the best artists check both boxes, and I think the only way to get there is by creating something unique, that comes from a truthful place and expresses a singular perspective. There can be universality in that specificity.

Complete this sentence: If I could change one thing about technology it would be… It would never crash.

Where do you hope music takes you in the future?  I would like to work with more filmmakers and score a deep, dark drama of some kind.

Your lyrics are very poetic. Would you be up for trying something other than music? I mean, like...now! Could you describe D E L A N I L A in a Haiku?  I’m stumped by that right now but I’m hungry, so here’s one about that:

Lockdown in mid-June

Hunger grows yet fridge is bare

Wherefore art my lunch?

Instagram | Facebook

[strwbrymoonchild]

Getting Groovy with Louis Vaughn

In today’s world where the masses consume music solely to be entertained instead of viewing it as an art form to connect to, how does an artist  maintain integrity in their work while still holding the attention of fickle listener’s with short attention spans? Louis Vaughn may have an answer.

Fresh off the release of his mixtape groovy, baby, Louis Vaughn chats with us about his creative process (which includes making beats on his iPhone), how he stays true to his sound, his influences and his trajectory as not just another rapper but a well-rounded musician.

UC: During the process of recording Groovy, Baby you traveled a lot. You were in the states, in L.A. and New York and you were also in Europe specifically Germany and Sweden.. How did moving around in different countries affect the creative process?

LV: I’d say moving around so much affected the creative process simply because I’m a person even if I wasn’t making music I wouldn’t be able to stay in one place for too long anyways. I like to be in motion even when I write. Most of the stuff that I produce off my phone is usually when I’m on the train. If I’m going from Brooklyn to Manhattan moving from one borough to another, I see different things that inspire me in different ways. When I go out to Europe and I get on the train out there and travel through different countries, I’m inspired in different ways as well. I do make certain references in my music [to traveling]. The last song that I recorded for the project is “Ceiling Fans”, I made lines like mentioning overseas.

Everything with the project was pretty wrapped up before I went to Europe. I really only went to Europe to settle my nerves to have the courage to release the project. It was done before I left. I think you find confidence when you travel to a different place. When you perform a song that you did in your bedroom in upstate New York or in The Valley and you realize that those people gravitate towards your music it definitely gives you that confidence to release music more than creating it -- because creating it was always usually very easy for me.

 UC: You mentioned making music in your phone and in your video for “Voice Memo”, you’re making beats on your phone. Can you tell me a little bit more about that and your whole process with production, specifically producing while you’re on the move.

LV: I don’t like writing in the studio. I’ve done some songs that way but I write with anything that involves being in motion. I write when I’m skateboarding, I write while I’m walking through the park, I write on the airplane. I wrote “Turbulence” on the airplane. I always write in motion. It’s kind of the same thing with my beatmaking process. I used to have all of this equipment. I used to have an AKAI Max 49, I would hook it up to my speakers and I would have this piano and drum machine and all that. I spent thousands of dollars building a little studio in the basement and once I had it all set up I realized I was much more comfortable still working just on an iPhone. I have tons of different apps that I use to integrate different scratches. I’m really comfortable making all my beats on my phone. Half the time people don’t know the difference. Sometimes I want them to, sometimes I don’t.

UC: With groovy, baby you started off with having a ton of tracks that you eventually scaled down. How do you go about fitting your songs into the concept of your project? And how would you describe the overall concept of the project?

 LV: It’s very sensitive, it’s not easy. It’s a lot of listening. I listen to that album a lot. If anybody thinks they listen to it a lot, I listen to it probably a thousands times more. It started off with the core songs “Coffee” and “All The Way Funky” which I didn’t even put on the tape.

 UC: I don’t appreciate you not putting it on the tape by the way!

 LV: [laughs] I’m sorry but I figure it’d be a nice 1,2 punch by releasing it now -- especially now that it could be isolated. That’s the song that kicked off groovy, baby -- that track and “Movie”. So “All The Way Funky” “Coffee” and “Movie” were the first songs that I had. When it comes to formulating it, I really don’t want to give away too much of how it conspires. As long as you like the final product just know that it’s tough and it’s not easy and it takes a long time and it a lot of editing, re-editing and remixing. I mix and record all of my own stuff. It’s me, it’s my brain within 10 tracks. I would just encourage everybody if they feel like “oh, well I don’t have a mixing engineer” or “I don’t have producers” you get yourself on a record and that’s all you need. That and individuality.

UC: Since you are so hands on with every aspect of your music  how important is it to receive creative input when you’re doing so much of the work on your own? Do you feel the need to pick and choose when it’s important to gather opinions and when it’s not?

LV: Yea, there’s always a time. I don’t think there’s ever enough input. I don’t think there’s too much or not enough. As Erykah said, we’re all sensitive about our shit. I take everything in. If anybody thinks I’m not listening to them, they’re completely wrong. I might automatically disagree but I’m going to listen to you just so I know from your perspective how you feel on it. I don’t feel like anyone should ever be afraid to share with me how they feel as far as input. I have my people that I trust around me. Late in the project I got some mixing and recording by Mike Irish of Shifted Recording in Brooklyn. I admire him. I’m a fan of the people I get to get their opinions from. I’m a fan of your music. I asked you and sent it to you. Literally asking like “Elle, from your standpoint. You’re a dope ass DJ. I’ve seen you mix. How would you take this?”. And from that, some things I changed around and some things I didn’t but just hearing your advice, was able to help put things in perspective. I feel like I’m a good curator, I think I sleep on myself. I have to stop doing that more than anything. More than seeking external advice I need to start believing in myself a bit more.

UC: Yes. When I first met you I asked if you were an artist and you were like “uhhhhh, I don’t really know” and then I heard you spit some bars and was like “YO WHAT THE FUCK.” You actually are a really good MC and overall artist and musician because it’s not just about spitting bars and being a lyricist. It’s also about your ability to convey certain emotions. Your work has a lot of really good imagery in it. There’s certain songs where I feel like I can see the song. Scaling back, how did you come to deciding to pursue music? When was the start of doing this for you?

LV: Honestly, I can’t remember when I didn’t want to make music. I grew up hearing people say “well I’m still seeking my passion” and even hearing people in their mid-late 20s and mid 30s saying “well I’m going to college and I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do”. I just always thank God, I never knew what that felt like. I know that’s a rarity to know. I was always working on my album, I was always working on my mixtape. I was always working on a song. I was 5, 6 years old with notebooks already full. When Little Romeo and Like Mike was coming out, I felt like that was my competition at the time. I guess you could say I took it more seriously at some point but I don’t know what that point is. I’ve always aspired to be in the history books as far as hip hop goes.

UC: In terms of your approach to pursuing music, how do you feel about being a signed artist vs an indie artist? What lane do you see yourself carving out?

LV: Right now, I feel honored that I don’t have this crazy buzz or anything but I know if I post something I can simply interact with a good amount of people. That’s why the internet is so great because I’d have to set up a show or get on someone’s bill to interact with so many people in a night. I want to prove to myself that my own hustle, my own grind with no machine behind me can successfully issue out a project and follow up with music videos and content. I don’t necessarily want anyone to get involved right now. If I did come into communication with some opportunities, I’d even let them know that. I’m not opposed to majors or anything. I’m not one of those hard headed independent ass rappers. I’m trying to eat. I understand business. I know how it works when everyone’s getting money. And I do a lot of things on my own so if I were to have that ecosystem of resources, I’d just want to create. I’m not greedy. When I die, what I want to be admired about me is that my net worth is my discography. Whatever it takes to do that, I’m with it.

UC: A large part of that is creating music that your listeners can connect to. This project,  as you mentioned is very sensitive and it’s also very personal. You touched a lot on your past and the things that have shaped you. Do you see that being a theme in your music? Or do you see it as a one off, one of those projects you had to introduce people to who you are and maybe the next project will be something completely different content-wise?

LV: No, I don’t see it as a one off. I think that’s who I am as an artist. I think that’s who I’ll always be. I want to keep it like that. I don’t mind. All my favorite artists growing up, whether they’re rappers or singers, they took the responsibility to be very personal with me to inspire me to connect with them so I only want to do the same for the next generation or else I’ll feel like I took out of the pot and didn’t put back in it.

UC: Who are some artists or what are some projects that changed the way you listened to music?

LV: Well one of the first ones was Jackson 5’s Ultimate Collection. That was like, top to bottom from “Looking Through The Window” to “I Want You Back” just made me feel like at a young age that I wanted to create. Quincy Jones is who made me want to produce. He’s who made me feel like there were actual layers in a song. I would listen to songs on Off The Wall or Thriller and be able to hear he has a horn, guitar, sax and a drum and none of it was computer programming, it was all live music. I was 11 or 12 years old starting to hear things pan to the left side or the right side. Moving forward, it was a lot of Common and Lupe. If you listened to Lupe and felt like you didn’t need to step your game up as far as wordplay, we couldn’t be friends. And of course the top dogs in hip hop, Jay-Z, Kanye, I was a big Wayne fan. The first album I ever bought was Hip Hop is Dead. The first album I asked my mom for was Mos Def’s The New Danger. I grew up on all that stuff and I feel like it died out too early. I try to keep that same vein even if it means not blowing up overnight. I wanna bring that vibe back.

UC: I can tell. It’s funny you mention Quincy as one of your biggest influences because I can definitely hear that in your music in terms of how layered and soulful it is. To me, a lot of your music is music that will hold up in 10 years, you can play it a decade from now and it will still sound good. It won’t sound dated or like “that was the trend back in 2017”. Being a hip hop artist today, we don’t see too many of you being in that space and honing in on such a soulful sound. We saw Kendrick do it a little bit with To Pimp a Butterfly but it’s still a rarity. Do you ever feel like it’s important to incorporate modern sounds with your own sound?

LV: I’m with incorporating the modern sounds. All my friends always tell me “bro, if you made a trap song it’d be the hardest trap song ever” and I’m like “I know” [laughs] and I’m sure I’ll do one in due time. “Welcome, To The End” kind of rides that vein. I would like to branch out but there’s so many people doing it. Even the people we would bank on to drop something soulful will drop something that’s not soulful. I can’t tell you when, I can’t tell you how. I know I have the ability to do it. I know I’ve played around with it. I wouldn’t even be a rapper if I wasn’t good at rapping. I really wanna be a singer [laughs]

UC: If you could have a conversation with Louis Vaughn when you started this project. What would you tell him?

LV: I wouldn’t have told him anything. I would have just sat back and watched him. I did a lot of things right and a lot of things wrong but I wouldn’t have given him any advice. I was in prayer a lot so I was already talking to myself everyday. I think when you do that, that is like you talking to yourself 5 years from now. I also watch a lot of documentaries on my favorite artists. Jay-Z didn’t pop till he was 27. Kid Cudi was sleeping in the Bape Store at 25. Those were some of the things I was telling myself at 20, 21 years old. Don’t feel like “Oh I’m admiring Wiz Khalifa who’s coming up at 19. Cole is coming up at 20. Drizzy is coming up at this age. I was constantly talking to myself as if it were 5 years later. The ones that get in the game later tend to have longevity because they have to show and prove.

You can find Louis on social media at @louisvaughn Check out his curated playlist and latest visual below: 

Louis’ Shoutouts:

This all wouldn’t have been possible without Mike Irish who helped me record the last tracks.

All The Way Funky was the song that helped me put it all in perspective and that as produced by my cousin RC Wells who also produced God’s Mercy and he co-produced “Movie” with me, that’s my right hand man.

The producer behind “Late Night Groove”, “Small Talk” and “Welcome to The End”, Triiyp.

Nick Brush who shot my music video and gave me my first microphone, I have a nice brotherhood.

If I forgot anyone, they know who they are but particularly those people and anyone who worked on the project with me -- thank you.  

[hetmusic]

Q&A with Seramic | HumanHuman

Anonymity, mystery, surprise releases; all these things are liable to cause a buzz amongst the blogosphere and our community of discoverers, but the only way to keep the momentum going is with quality music. That’s exactly what Seramic has done, because although his tracks are fronted by abstract cover art and his social media is devoid of a tangible biography, it’s the finely produced and impeccably well-written soulful songs that keep the ever-hungry citizens of new-music-topia coming back for more.

Discovered by Going Solo six months ago, the silver-toned singer was labelled as a Promising Artist almost instantly, and once again our users were right to agree. Seramic’s highly-anticipated first EP has now been released to much-deserved praise. Here, this veiled musician answers a few of our questions about this new project, playing live, keeping hush, and his main influences.

First of all, I have to say that I caught your show at The Great Escape last month, and was truly blown away! What was that show like from your perspective?

Thanks, it was a really fun show despite some technical difficulties, it was nice to play to such a full room at 5.30 in the afternoon.

You appear to be very at home on stage, would that be a fair assumption?

I love performing, I really enjoy the chaos of it and getting lost in the moment.

Of course, gigs are an opportunity to see you in person as so far no photos have accompanied the music. You reportedly told Pigeons and Planes that “I just want the music to speak for itself for now”, so do you think taking the anonymous route has achieved that?

It's great to get such a positive response at this early stage, it's really encouraging. This feels very much like a project to me so I just wanted the focus to be on the work without distractions and we seem to be achieving that which is great.

Are there any special meanings behind the abstract artwork you’ve chosen to front each song?

All the artworks are made by friends and people I admire. The images made sense to me and felt right. The Seramic aesthetic is something that is in constant development like the music which I'm really enjoying.

“We should talk about nu-soul, but this song is definitely far more than that, thanks to its spiritual aura and huge gospel chorus that flash the listener in a NYC-Harlem’s church.”— Going Solo on “People Say”

Your debut “People Say” seems to center around the theme of people handing out advice or thinking they know you best, but what’s one recurrent thing people have been saying about or to you recently?

Lots of nice things which is great.

That was your first song, released just five months ago, but how long have you been planning and working on this project?

I guess the project really started about a year ago when I decided to make something different and explore new territory.

Did you expect to receive such positive feedback and relative popularity in that short space of time?

I was really overwhelmed when people started making the connections to some of my heroes and hearing all those influences in the music. I just hope it keeps building, I have a lot of music to put out.

“Seramic manages to renew his style with every track he puts out. Putting forward different aspects of his songwriting at the forefront of the creative process, he can only shine.”— Sodwee

All of your music is heavily saturated in soul and blues, why are you drawn to these styles?

I grew up listening to that music. My first show I went to see was Buddy Guy when I was twelve and he went into the crowd shredding on his guitar and went right up to me and that was a very influential moment.

For me, your music is comparable to modern soul acts like Nick Hakim and Honne. Are there any contemporary soul and/or blues artists that you’re particularly excited about at the moment?

I love Nick Hakim. There is loads of great music coming out at the moment, it's an exciting time. I was really blown away by the Anderson Paak record. I'm really influenced by my friends. I'm still hunting for old records, it's endless!

Aside from those genres, which influences have been significant to your music?

I’ve actually found that I don’t really group music into genres. I'm really effected by songs wherever they came from in all different kinds of styles. I guess songs are significant to me in and of themselves, rather than being part of a bigger picture.

“Waiting” diverges into more of a funk sound, led by a grooving bass line. Was there an inspiration behind this funk-leaning single?

Sly and the family Stone has been a huge influence on this project so there will be a lot more funk inspired tunes coming in the near future. I just love the dirtiness of those records which is something that I want to hopefully promote on my records and in the live shows.

A song like “Waiting” is noticeable rich in instrumentation and I’ve seen it for myself that you can play a fair few instruments. Did you play everything on the recorded versions?

Myself and Carrasius Gold, my producer, played all the instruments apart from bass which was played by the greatest bass player in the world.

How about production? It seems increasingly common for artists to self-produce or at least to have a hand in it.

I co-produced the EP with my producer Carrasius Gold who is truly amazing.

“It ensures that Seramic won't be forgotten about soon, and if he can continue this level of musical quality up, he'll be one of the most prominent new acts in no time.”— Hillydilly on “Found”

One of the strongest elements of your music is your voice, which in the opening line of “Found” hits like a wave. Have you always been aware of this vocal talent?

I grew up listening to a lot of gospel music which affected my vocal tone massively. All my influences have very distinct voices so that is something I aspire to.

Let’s talk about the final song to complete your four-track EP, “The Things You Do”, probably the most positive and even blissful of the four songs. How would you describe it?

Yes, it’s definitely more upbeat!

As a whole, the EP seems to connect the chapters of an individual’s search for love, is that the story? Or perhaps it’s something else entirely?

I guess your interpretation is as good as mine.

“Soul has never sounded this energetic, with each instrument trying to win over his voice (and failing at that b/c what a voice!).”— Disco Naïveté on Found EP

I would say it’s been a pretty great year for Seramic, what has been your highlight?

It has! And we’re only just halfway. I feel like it's just getting started, I have been really lucky to work with such amazingly talented musicians and producers, so I guess some of my sessions with them have been the highlight. I am also really enjoying playing live again after such a long time.

What are you most looking forward to for the rest of the year?

I'm really looking forward to putting out some new music and playing lots of festivals and finding more people who can connect with what we are doing.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-seramic

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.87 / Top Of The Pops LPs archivist & blogger Terry Wilson with Mark Watkins.

MW : Tell me about your background...

TW : I grew up in Aylesbury, and from as early as I can remember, I loved music - and it was these very Top of the Pops LPs which were the earliest I had, bought for me as presents when I was four or five, and spun on an old mono Dansette. Little did I know, the LPs were being pressed in a small plant five minutes from where I lived (I found that out about forty years later!).

I guess Top of the Pops started me on the road to what would become quite a serious record collecting habit, and a love of music generally. I went on to play in a number of unsuccessful bands, before taking up music writing (plug: Tamla Motown - The Stories Behind The UK Singles). I'm now 50, and live in Sussex with my wife and child, and although I completed my Top of the Pops vinyl collection years ago, I still splash out on the odd rarity or overseas pressing when I see it. The overseas ones especially fascinate me, although I'm no longer able fill my home with records, like I did in my bachelor days.

MW : When & why did you set up your Top of the Pops website?

TW : The project started around 1999, and I knew nothing about web design at that point. I'd started collecting the series (as an adult, that is - my childhood LPs were long gone), but this was when the internet was still in its infancy - nothing like we have today. For example, there was no such thing as a Top of the Pops LP discography, so I had no idea how many I needed, what the catalogue numbers were, or what the LP sleeves looked like. 

The website project actually began as an Excel spreadsheet, where I started listing the volume numbers, catalogue numbers and so on. A few of the albums had gotten into the LP charts back in the 1970s, so the relevant chart books were consulted and provided a few more snippets - that's how hard it was to find anything out before the internet, young people. That listing gradually expanded to the point where I thought I'd try my hand at making a website, which was a steep learning curve for me. I guess it went online around 2005.

MW : How have you developed the site since its beginnings?

TW : The first site I made was quite different to the current one. The technology was much more clunky, and the pages were all out of line. It wasn't great, but at least gave me a grounding in web design, so I knew what I needed to do. I made the decision around 2008 to re-invent it using a different host, whose layouts I much preferred, and that's where it still lives today. From my perspective, the website was more than just a space to write up and organise the discography; it was also a forum for research. I've lost count of the number of kind people who've contacted me through the site, and given me information, photos and even records over the years.

A Russian collector, for example, used to send me Top of the Pops records from the old Soviet Union, pressed on flexi-disc and coloured vinyl - I'd never even have known about them otherwise. Plus, every new discovery meant a new page for the site, and whole new sections came into being - it has expanded to the point where it's now quite vast. It's because of the size of the site that I started a blog (http://copycatcovers.blogspot.com) where I could flag up new discoveries which might otherwise not get noticed - not just Top of the Pops, but across the whole genre of what I call copycat cover versions.

MW : How do you store and maintain all your vinyl?

TW : I'd love to say I have a dedicated room with security cameras and temperature control - but in reality I store my collection in a humble way on ordinary shelves.

I used to have them in a series of proper LP cases, but they became unwieldy, so I took them out again. Just having them stacked vertically away from undue heat or humidity is all the care they need. The more precious ones are in heavy-duty protective covers, but I don't go to great lengths to look after them, or treat them like precious jewels. 

They rarely encounter a record deck, though, as I got together with a few fellow collectors some years back, and between us we digitised the whole set - so the vinyl can stay safely inside the sleeves while I listen to MP3s. The rarer tape editions in my collection are less hardy than the vinyl, so they are housed in protective cases and kept in a safe place.

MW : What are your views on these kinds of LPs - in the sense that they were once seen as cheap and cheesy - until The Mike Flowers Pops lounge music revival in 1995…

TW : There's a part of me that sees them exactly as you describe - cheap and cheesy - but there's another part of me, which I guess is the dominant voice in my head, which sees them as creative fun. It's important to remember these are not compilation albums. The making of them required a band to go into a studio, red light running against the clock, and capture track after track after track - and in this way, the original 'Top of the Poppers' group recorded around 70 full LPs in ten years - by any measure, that's dedicated musicianship, arranging and singing. I can't think of any band in history with such a prolific work rate. I once wrote a tongue-in-cheek article in which I argued these were the most important albums ever made, and by the end of it, I'd almost convinced myself! Two of them even made Number 1 in the UK album charts. That's two more than Frank Zappa, The Velvet Underground, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, etc…

MW : Do you search charity shops and similar for these albums? Your best finds? Any missing?

TW : My UK collection is essentially complete, and has been for a few years - so I no longer hunt them down. For better or worse, I'm past the point where I still find anything I need in charity shops. Overseas releases are a different matter. I buy them when I can, but I probably have more missing than I will ever know. (To my knowledge, I am the only person who's ever researched them.) 

When I was buying the UK albums, charity shops and car boot sales were my main source, and I frequented them religiously - there was Ebay, of course, but it costs a lot more to have an LP posted to you than to chance upon it for 25p in a charity shop - so I held out and gradually finished the set. My best find was probably Volume 90 - I'd never seen it, and I was killing time in a town in West Sussex when I had a rummage in a junk shop and found it for pennies. Back then, Ebay was around, but the number of sellers was a fraction of what it is today. On the very rare occasions something like Volume 90 or Volume 91 turned up, they would command prices in the £100 bracket - and that's no exaggeration. (I thereby learned I was not the only one collecting them!) 

But most of my truly astonishing finds have been via the internet. I'll never forget discovering one of the LPs had been issued in Argentina, and I bought it immediately. When it arrived, I slipped it out the sleeve to find it was pressed on starburst multi-coloured vinyl. Amazing! And still it goes on - just last year I chanced upon a UK release, a double album of disco tracks by The Poppers, which I'd never even heard of! You never know what will show up next.

MW : Tell me about some of the famous (now) but not famous (then) musicians who started their careers off doing Top of the Pops cover versions...

TW : It would be great to say a succession of stellar names cut their recording teeth on these Top of the Pops albums, but in truth, there aren't that many examples. Those who know about the cover version sub-industry (and Top of the Pops was only one LP series among many) immediately think of Elton John. He did record a good number of anonymous cover versions in the late-1960s for labels like Avenue, Marble Arch and Music For Pleasure, but only one for Top of the Pops - ‘Snake In The Grass’, issued on Volume 5 (which is, consequently, worth a few pounds). 

It's frustrating that the session men and women are largely unknown to this day, but a couple more famous names can be confirmed. Tina Charles, for example, who had success with her hit, ‘I Love To Love’, can be heard singing ‘Stand By Your Man’ on Volume 45, while well-known singer Laura Lee performs ‘The Man Who Sold The World’ on Volume 36. We might also mention Elvis Costello's dad, Ross McManus, who sang on more than one LP - including the same Volume 5 which Elton was on. Rumours that David Bowie appears on some are probably not true, but who really knows?

MW : What are your favorite album covers...why?

TW : It may seem paradoxical, but I've never really been a fan of the album covers. There are many collectors of the 'cheesecake' sleeve genre, but I'm not one of them. Mostly, I find them amusing, with the ridiculous poses and whacky clothing - they are sometimes described accusingly as soft porn, but I think that's taking them too seriously. Maybe they were considered more shocking back in the day, but there's one in particular, Volume 8 - in which the model sports a fur bikini! Can you think of a more absurd garment?

I like the quasi-psychedelic cover of Volume 16 but my favourite is probably the ultra-hideous Volume 22 - one of the ones I had when I was a kid. That's famous actress, Nicola Austin, in what can only be described as a roll-neck leotard, capped off with matching sailing hat! We should give a shout-out to Bill Graham, a designer for Pickwick Records, who came up with the iconic sleeve design in 1968. Even into the mid-1980s, when models like Sam Fox and Linda Lusardi were by then appearing on the covers, the design was essentially unchanged. He came up with a classic.

MW : What are your long term plans for the site / collection?

TW : The site continues to grow, every time another record comes to my attention. One area I never did get into was reviews of the LPs. I would have, but a fellow enthusiast, called Tim Joseph, has been preparing a book about them for years, and I didn't want to tread on his toes, so to speak. It's something I might do one day though. As for my collection, I don't know what will become of it! I have some bona-fide rarities in my possession - autographed sleeves, advance promo copies, a genuine gold disc award, and numerous overseas pressings, one of which accidentally includes a real hit recording by Elton - don't ask me how that happened, but so far as I am aware, the album is unknown to his fans and collectors. If they found out about it, they might make me some handsome offers! But who, besides, me, would really want the rest of it?

I doubt I will ever sell my collection, so I guess I'll keep it until I shuffle off this mortal coil, then what will become of it, I don't know. I could offer it to a museum, but I fear they would die laughing! In a sense, I feel I've done my bit in preserving the LP series by photographing, cataloguing and documenting it all - at one point I actually lent some records back to Pickwick so they could make digital versions of some they couldn't locate - and so they were my copies, loaded up globally to iTunes. It's a honour for me, and that's reward enough.

MW : Away from the website, what are your other interests?

TW : I've always had many interests to pursue - I have what's sometimes called the collector's gene. 

So when I'm not mulling the small print of old record sleeves, I might be cataloguing every Aston Villa football card ever printed, or compiling a collection of every King George VI postage stamp. 

I tend to go for ambitious projects - all or nothing - so when I wrote my Tamla Motown book, for example, I researched and wrote up every single 45 they ever released - a mammoth task which had to be squeezed between building websites, playing football, playing in a band - and also, a full-time job (Special mention here to my patient wife!). I've always had in interest in writing. I used to work as a journalist and edited a few magazines. 

These days, much of my spare time is consumed with mixing and remixing music on pc. It's great fun, and the technology is so freely available, anyone can do it.

MW : What's to see and do in the area you live in?

TW : I grew up in the countryside, and moved down to Brighton in my 20s. It's a place I still love - so much going on all the time with bands, nightlife, festivals and so on - but one way or another, I've ended up back in a village.

Life here is quiet, and the village is a bit other-worldly - which is fine - but very different from the pace of city life. Cars will actually pull up to a stop in the middle of the road, if someone's waiting to cross! 

The village has its own events - an annual village day, a dedicated fireworks society and various arts’ groups, which I take a passing interest in. Fortunately, there's also a choice of good pubs.

MW : How do you intend to spend the summer holidays?

TW : I have no plans yet for the coming summer - which is leaving it late, to say the least. I quite like the idea of getting a last-minute deal and flying off to who-knows-where, but I'm not sure what we'll do. I get bored easily and like to have things to do and see, whereas my wife likes to lay in the hot sun and do nothing. So, we find things which work for both of us. Last year we headed down to Cornwall to a seaside resort and went out on a few adventures, so it worked for both of us. This year, who knows?

http://topofthepopslps.weebly.com/

(c) Mark Watkins / May 2019

[theparaminds]

It’s common for music to be associated, at a base level, to emotion. While true that sound attaches to the idea, it is a step further to explore spirituality, and therefore the life’s intricacies as a whole, through vibrations. This is exactly the new step Umi is introducing to the listening world, building spaces of introspection as well as understanding. 

While young, she uses her life and surroundings to explain much of what doesn't seem to have an answer. Her sounds are beautifully simplistic, yet deeply resonating with every note as they fill the mind with endless memories. In truth, her music makes us nostalgic for things to come. 

With each passing day, her own personal knowledge and self connections become larger and stronger, more honest and hopeful. Ultimately, putting it towards a positive energy rare within music, but one so deeply appreciated. Umi is, in a sense, creating the musical embodiment of love, fear, defeat, laughter, and truly, the human experience.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been? 

My day’s been going great! I’m on the plane right now headed to New York. I’ve been doing amazing, life is beautiful! 


To take it to the start, when did you originally find yourself caught by the idea of pursuing music? Who or what around you pushed you onto the path you’re currently on?

I feel like I’ve always wanted to be a musician, I literally couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else. I’ve been writing songs since I was 4 and remember putting on little concerts for my mom and sisters. I don’t think one moment or event pushed me to do music, but growing up in a musical household and having friends who did music definitely encouraged me to pursue my passion. 

Artistically, who were the artists that you found yourself drawing from, and how do you contrast those early influences to the ones you hold now?

I’ve been really inspired by artists like SZA, Frank Ocean, Jhene Aiko, and Benny Sings and found a lot of inspiration in their lyricism. I would say in the past I was more inspired by genres of music (R&B, gospel, alternative, pop) rather than a specific artist, which is why I feel I was able to understand and develop my own sound. But finding inspiration in artists over the past few years has helped me to improve the way I write from a lyrical standpoint.

Do you find the roots that you grew up from helped shape who you are as an artist?

I definitely think so! I grew up in a very musical household so creating music became second nature to me. My mom was a pianist, my dad played the drums, my aunt is a blues singer, and literally, everyone else in my family sings or plays an instrument. There was always music playing in my house and because I’m both Black and Japanese, I grew up listening to lots of different types of music (from gospel to R&B to Japanese pop to Korean music). I think that’s what has allowed me to come up with the melodies that I do now and to feel comfortable making different types of music. I also grew up in Seattle. It rains there ALL THE TIME. I think the gloomy weather and all the nature might also be where certain aspects of my sound subconsciously developed from. 


Beyond artists, you also have an interesting passion for astrology and similar forms of personal spirituality. Where would you say this came from and how has it lent itself to your music and understanding of yourself?

I’m not an expert on astrology so I can’t claim to that passion yet, but I am very passionate about spirituality. My mom has always been very spiritual but she never pushed her ideas onto me; I think she always knew it was something for me to discover on my own. I remember right before I moved to LA, I stumbled across this random YouTube video on the Law of Attraction (I definitely think the universe wanted me to watch it). That video shifted the way I saw the world. Since then, I’ve just been constantly reading, writing, meditating, and listening in order to learn more about my own spirituality. Spirituality to me is all about enhancing your self-awareness and understanding the power of your mind! Everything is energy, and whatever frequency your vibrate at reflects the people and circumstances that are attracted to you. When I began to understand this, my life changed! 

To those who may not understand or question reasons to practice these forms of spiritually, what would be your message and answer to their confusion? 

I think a lot of people stop themselves from being happy and truly fulfilled by holding onto learned ways of thinking. I think society teaches us that life is supposed to be hard and sad and full of discontent and so people become identified with this mindset. We think that happiness is difficult so we attract difficult situations, bad people, and unfortunate circumstances into our life. It’s a cycle. Happiness and belief in abundance is innate, you can see that in the way babies look at the world, they don’t fear anything! Life is limitless. Spirituality — or enhanced/deeper self-awareness — allows you to reconnect with this innate understanding you may have lost through living in an unconscious society. When you realize that life is meant to be happy, and easy and fun you attract happy people, positive circumstances, and abundance back into your life. Through practices like meditation, self-reflection etc you realize what traumas in your life may have caused you to hold negative beliefs of the world. This then gives you the power to release your past, let go of your perceived sense of self, and reconnect with the real essence of you! It’s beautiful! I know it’s the reason my music finally started to grow. Literally, every single affirmation I say to myself comes true now. I’m so powerful!  

As well, you’re fantastically vocal about the current political and social situations that matter most to you, even expressing them musically with songs like Dear Donald Trump. Do you hope to continue using your music and artistry as a vehicle for change and why, for you, is it essential to remain expressive as a youth through such turbulent times? 

Yes, as my platform begins to grow, my voice will only grow louder. It’s so important for me to use this opportunity to shed light on various social issues and stand up for what I believe in. I want to become an advocate for change especially for issues regarding woman of color, police brutality, reproductive rights, and immigration. I’m still constantly learning myself, so I hope as I get older and have more resources, I can find even better ways to enact change both through music and outside of music. 

You’ve said yourself that it’s been a really positive past year for you, in all facets of life, but if you could pinpoint one memory which sticks out above the rest, which would it be and what is its significance?

There have been so many fulfilling memories this year (so many happy tears!) but the one that sticks out to me the most is when my video “Remember Me” hit 1 million views. It was such a surreal moment for me. I’ve made so many videos in the past that I hoped would reach a million views and every time it didn’t I would get discouraged. When this happened, it all made sense. I realized that nothing in the past was supposed to gain the views that “Remember Me” did. It was confirmation to me that everything was happening exactly the way it was meant to be, when it was meant to be. More than anything, I was just really proud of myself and deeply grateful for all the people who helped me get to where I am. 


As we stand at the beginning of a, hopefully, positive new year, what goals and plans do you hold? What projects or ideas do you hope to work on or execute? 

1. Release more music! Release a few projects! 2. Release more music videos3. Collaborate with more artists 4. Go on tour! See the world! And headline my own tour! 5. Perform at some festivals 6. Self-direct my own music video 7. Meditate more, read more, share love, express more gratitude 8. LOVE MYSELF! 9. Start weight lifting, or boxing.

Recently, you began to explore collaboration more with songs like Lullaby. Is this an experience you hope to continue pursuing? And, if you could collaborate with one living or dead artist, who would it be?

I have lots of exciting collaborations in the works right now that I’m excited to release! And I can’t wait to continue to collaborate with more artists. My dream is to collaborate with SZA and Jhene Aiko one day! I’ll manifest it. 


If you could recommend one movie, book or show to everyone reading this currently, which would it be?

I think everyone in the world should read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and listen to the podcast series Oprah did with him about the book! It changed the way I see the world! Also, listen to Oprah’s "Super Soul Sunday" podcast. It’s such a great way to challenge your mind and shift your perspective about life. Also, watch the movie “Mr. Nobody” it still has me thinking about the concept of time and life. 


Do you have anyone or anything to shoutout or promote? The floor is yours!


Follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook @whoisumi, check out my website whoisumi.com, and stream my music on all streaming platforms!! I have lots of new music on the way. 

[theseventhhex]

Lost Under Heaven Interview

Ellery James Roberts & Ebony Hoorn

Photo by Chris Almeida

Lost Under Heaven are the gifted Manchester-based duo comprised of Ebony Hoorn and Ellery James Roberts. Returning with the release of their new album ‘Love Hates What You Become’, the duo has formed a startling and thought-provoking record that follows their 2016 debut, ‘Spiritual Songs for Lovers to Sing’. Shot full of incisive social commentary, ‘Love Hates What You Become’ captures the couple at their most musically raw and visceral. The band wrote the album in Ellery’s native Manchester before traveling to Los Angeles to record with producer John Congleton, known for his Grammy-winning work with St. Vincent, Swans, Explosions in the Sky and Sigur Rós. Accomplished songwriting is at the heart of the creative cauldron for this release as the duo is bubbling and overflowing with enthusiasm. With ‘Love Hates What You Become’, Lost Under Heaven continue to establish themselves as a courageous and innovative band, hungry to create and perform their art with the sole ambition to see how far they can reach across uncharted territory… We talk to the delightful duo about working with John Congleton, performing live and downtime…

TSH: How would you assess your creative partnership in the lead-up to ‘Love Hates What You Become’?

Ellery: The whole process in working together with Ebony has really been like an experimentation and exploration for us both. We’ve come to really know one another so well and we now work in a harmonious way. We understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses really well. Ebony hasn’t really sung before or done anything performance wise musically in any way other than sound apps, so to hear how her voice has grown for this album was really great. We had no expectations and I was continuously surprised and impressed by her growth.

Ebony: I feel like touring really allowed me to find myself and lead more with Lost Under Heaven. I was able to confront what I needed to in order to become a better musician.

TSH: Throughout this record Ebony’s vocals feature more so signalling a shift in your tone and dynamic...

Ebony: Yeah, this was a very pleasing aspect for me. Just to understand both of our places in our creative spaces was really important. We both got to figure out what works best for each other’s voices.

TSH: Ellery, you’ve touched on having a ‘sink or swim feeling’ as you approached this record, however, you now feel a greater sense of freedom and like you have more control...

Ellery: When we started working together the feeling we had in Amsterdam whilst Ebony was still in school was completely conceptually free and there was no form to our work. Over the last year we’ve tried to reclaim our initial ideas of making this a multimedia art project. I guess the easiest way for us to function as a band is to keep it simple but we feel much more boundless than that. We’re working hard on the live show and are thinking much more about the theatricality and visual side of things in general. I feel like this record allowed us to have an opportunity to reaffirm our intent with everything related to this band.

TSH: When forming new music, do you still opt to not overcomplicate things and strip away instead?

Ellery: Yeah, for sure. The whole sense of making this record and working with John Congleton was to make a rawer document which didn’t have this sense of who it’s recorded by or produced by; instead it’s just capturing how we sound.

TSH: What sort of perspectives were you drawn to with the narratives on this album?

Ellery: In deciding to give the album the title ‘Love Hates What You Become’ this record pulls together a lot of the thinking from myself conceptually. The album touches on different angles but generally it’s about how we ended up living the way we do and wondering if there is something better for us to aspire for. The common adulterated mind consists of ideas that aren’t our own and leads us to pretend that we are against our own best interests. I guess I’m looking into what serves each of us to behave in certain ways. There’s also the astrology idea of ‘know thyself’ which informs parts of this album too.

TSH: What sort of treatment did the song ‘The Breath of Light’ require as you fleshed it out?

Ebony: That one was written from Ellery’s own experiences. For me, this song emotively instantly spoke to me as a really interesting place to place myself within vocally.

Ellery: I think sonically and with the production it was really a case of taking things out with this song. My initial thoughts are always quite dense and I try to weave in loads of intricate melodies, but working with John allowed me do things differently. John would often just tell me ‘Yup! That’s it. It’s done’ and I would think the song would sound like it’s unfinished, empty and like the spaces needed filling up...

Ebony: To me it was interesting that John said this because I agreed that Ellery’s vocals could carry this song even with so much being subtracted and pulled out of it. When we play it live, just the presence of the vocals is so powerful. I like that there is room to let Ellery’s vocals become sort of like a lead instrument...

Ellery: Yeah, it’s something I explored over the last year and it’s a new tactic I employ with songs now. Also, this is why I like the early PJ Harvey records; they are so empty, yet so powerful.

TSH: What does ‘Serenity Says’ convey to you?

Ebony: That song consists of this freedom kind of feeling and not being bothered by the eyes of the public. It’s like you’re doing your own thing and not having much inhibition or self-awareness. I think in general people have too much self-awareness in their day-to-day lives. I also like listening to this one whilst driving on the highway...

Ellery: Yeah, which reminds me, when we finished making the record (before it was mixed), me and Ebony rented a car and drove into the Los Angeles desert and drove towards Joshua Tree and the national park. We listened back through the mixed and unmixed record and ‘Serenity Says’ brought to mind the wide open landscapes and a sense of freedom.

TSH: Does is remain a key feature for you both to get your message across without just one medium when you perform live?

Ellery: Absolutely. We’ve been trying to find the right collaborators to allow for the right visual things to happen. You know, there’s always the tendency to have an idea or ambition that is above our pay day, besides I don’t really like it when people have a projection of some abstract thing. I feel like people look at screens far too much as it is to then have to see another one when they go to see a band live. However, we’re certainly getting somewhere with trying something new and unique with our visuals. What’s pleasing lately is that we play as a trio with our drummer, Ben Kelly. He’s been a fantastic addition and has really made it all come together for the live show. Ben is a really powerful drummer and enables this rawness to come into play; and he allows me to orchestrate the whole show via Ableton. Having Ben launching Albleton in a live format gives us the opportunity to design the set in a distinct way.

TSH: How’s the move from Amsterdam to Manchester been like for you Ebony?

Ebony: It’s nice to move out of Amsterdam. I lived there for 6 years and I enjoyed my time in school there. Moving to Manchester feels like you’ve been placed back into a world outside of a city where a lot of interesting cultural things happen. We used to live in the Northern Quarter, which is always busy with a lot people that go out over the weekend. Oh, and the drinking culture here In England is completely different to Amsterdam... it’s a lot more wild.

TSH: What was it like to tour the US again a few months back?

Ellery: The States kind of feels like it has 21st century humans overloaded with capitalism. Nonetheless, America is geographically such a powerful, beautiful and magical place. I really liked driving through California up to Seattle - it was incredible. It’s so fast-paced out there and people are kind of crazy and fragile. It seems like everybody is one step away from a breakdown or a break through. Overall, it does feel like an edgy kind of place.

TSH: Does downtime consist of being detached from your own human essence?

Ellery: Yeah, which is why we love nature. It’s been a year now since we moved north of Manchester into the countryside around where I grew up. It’s about a 30 minute drive out of the city. The video for ‘For The Wild’ was actually filmed 5 minutes from our house. I try and get out as much as I can - at least every day. Also, I’ve recently got back into painting, I used to paint a lot when I was young and I’ve started to take it up again. Painting is very fulfilling - my mind goes blank and I can relax.

TSH: It’s also been noted on your Twitter that sake, astrology and tequila are some of your favourite things in life...

Ebony: Haha! I like to incorporate and kickback with all three whenever I’m with friends. I mean you have to balance the light-hearted with the heavy-hearted at times.

TSH: What do you hope to achieve and explore as you look ahead with Lost Under Heaven?

Ebony: Our music has become like a lifestyle for us, it touches upon these ideas we are interested in and believe in. We want to experiment with our thoughts and put them into a platform of music or video. This is just the beginning as we have so many more ideas that we’d like to work out and present.

Ellery: For me, Lost Under Heaven has always been about being in pursuit of leading a sustainable and self-sufficient artist life. This involves utopian and bohemian dreams of just being able to create and be a good person. Ultimately we want to inspire people that there isn’t just one set way in which you need to do stuff. The world is how it is; it’s a vision that’s driven by media sensationalism, but you can do things your own way. There are lots of communities that exist away from the hype of the mainstream and they consist of much more humane ways of existing, so with Lost Under Heaven it’s all about learning for ourselves how to function in this way.

Lost Under Heaven - “COME (Official VR Experience)”

Lost Under Heaven - “For The Wild”

Love Hates What You Become

[930club]

9:30 INTERVIEW: PHOX

The announcement of a (potential) final tour is always bittersweet, especially when it comes from a band as magical as PHOX. With just one full-length album out, PHOX has won the hearts of musical tastemakers across the globe, including musician and producer Bon Iver, NPR’s Bob Boilen, and the curators of Newport Folk Festival. As the band prepares to grace the 9:30 stage for what may be the last time, Monica Martin, the lead vocalist and songwriter, was kind enough to answer a few questions about future plans, combating stage-fright, and social justice.

Helen Hennessey [9:30 Club]: In your “farewell for now” Facebook post, you mention wanting to get out of Baraboo, but I also get the sense that you all have a massive amount of hometown pride. How would you describe your relationship with the city? 

Monica Martin [PHOX]: First things first, the name Helen Hennessey is so f**king slick. Good on your parents.

Yeah! So our break isn’t really due to that, as we’ve been living in different spots for a while now, but to answer the latter half of the question: for some members of PHOX, Baraboo is nostalgic and their families are there! For others, the rural midwest’s more narrow-minded undercurrent can be suffocating. So it's bittersweet.

Matteo, you and Zach did the music for The Dam Keeper, a short Pixar film. How was that experience? Is it a field any of you want to explore more during your indefinite hiatus?

Matteo Roberts [PHOX]: Working on The Dam Keeper was a total creative dream. Not unlike our experience with PHOX, the whole project kind of landed in our somewhat unproven and inexperienced laps basically because we had amazing and daring friends that really liked what they heard and wanted to see what was possible. What began as a humble little personal project grew into a project requiring a studio, dozens of animators, and editors. Our little Garageband score ended up at Fantasy Studios, recorded with the Magik Magik Orchestra. It was an incredible experience peering into the animation world and the Pixar folks, who were very inspiring and genuine. We were very lucky to work with such young, aspiring professionals who set an awfully high bar for that crazy balance of productivity, objectivity, and kindness in a collaboration. 

The directors of that film actually left Pixar immediately after The Dam Keeper, and now have their own indie animation studio, Tonko House. In fact, immediately after this tour, Zach and I are going into production with Tonko House on a special Hulu Japan tv series loosely based on The Dam Keeper. So, not only would I give anything to score film again, it somehow is already happening again!

Besides the musical projects most of you are working on during the hiatus, are there any non-musical plans you want to share?

Monica: Matteo and his partner Adrianna bought a house outside of Chicago, and there are tentative plans to build a studio together! I think Davey is still flexing on his producing chops! But I suppose those both are still in the world of music. Ha! It seems clear there will be an element of music in everything we’re doing respectively moving forward. OH! I am hoping Matt puts out a graphic novel, his first outline is due on Valentine's Day. 

Justin Vernon (aka Bon Iver) produced your premier, self-titled album. How did you guys connect? What was it like working with him?

Monica: Actually, Sweet Brian Fredrick Joseph who worked within April Base studios produced our record. It was so nice to have a voice outside of the band to help us with melodic and sonic decision making. When I was in the vocal booth I realized I should also pay him a fee for being my therapist, I unpacked so much about the songs while we recorded. It was very meaningful bond made for all of us.

The PHOX social media pages feature many calls to political action. Do you feel a sense of responsibility, being in a popular band, to spread those messages?

Monica: Yeah, I have no interest in lying to people about what I think is important regarding the social and political climate of the US. I wish I could float through days without thinking about it, but many times daily it’s made clear to me that there’s imbalance, fantasy hierarchy, and the complete disregard of the realities of the “other.” If I was born into the majority, I’d maybe peacefully and in ignorance be able to focus on gardening or something, but I happen to be at the intersection of several different minorities so I can’t currently live unscathed by America. I can only speak up and share my perspective and hope I encourage more people to consider life outside their own, and participate in dialogue that will at least get folks to shake up the rosily-skewed version of the US that’s been taught to them, that rids them of the capacity to take seriously the voice of someone outside their identity.  

I had a friend in the music industry tell me recently they don’t want to talk about political things on social media, because it might affect who cares about her music. This really hurt to hear, while at the same time I understand that people choose to do what best protects their livelihood. On the other hand, I don’t give a f**k if I fail to pander to homophobes or bigots any longer, and have a hard time respecting that logic… I mean, then are they really your fans? I have no interest in appealing to everyone and becoming no one, and I do believe it's the responsibility of artists, within their abilities without draining all emotional spirit, to find ways to open hearts of people who just haven’t had a different, more socially open, train of thought exposed to them. 

The last time you played 9:30, part of the show was dedicated to more intimate, stripped-down versions of some of your songs. Do you plan on doing that again at your upcoming Club show? What made you want to do that in the first place?

Monica: I do think we are! It was a cool feeling to play songs in bigger clubs like we did when they were being written with acoustic instruments in the house we all shared. It just gives another facet to the show -- I’ve always loved hearing stripped down versions at shows! 

Monica, you’ve mentioned having stage fright at a few of your shows. What have you done to get passed that, and do you have any advice for others dealing with that same fear?

Monica: I’m still struggling with severe anxiety, but with the help of a doctor and therapist, I’ve finally found myself on a more focused track to finding a sustainable way to soothe my spirit. PHOX’s 2 1/2 year run of near constant touring started with us hopping on a plane to Norway on the day of my dad’s funeral. I spent the entirety of that tour not processing that, which in ways I am only now better understanding put me on edge, had me self medicating/ drinking more to feel less, and amplified all of my depression.

My advice for people who have general stage fright is to remember that you could literally sh*t yourself on stage and you’d still wake up the next morning. And people would forget shortly thereafter. And life would go on. I can sometimes talk myself out of very dreadful thoughts by imagining myself sh*tting myself, and how little it would matter in the long run. And I laugh and carry on — unless I’m being dragged into the panic void, and that leads me to advice for people with horrible racing thoughts, heart palpitations, and tunnel vision panic attacks: if you can afford it, or have insurance, see someone. Find a support group, if not in your town, find them online. Do everything you can to calm your atmosphere. Drink holy basil tea, drink kava root tea. Breathe deep and give yourself all the space you need. This was really hard for me for layered reasons I won't get into here, try and shelf your cynicism and do yoga. I know. I know. And if you still feel sh*tty, and natural approaches don't aid you, really try and process how you feel about potentially going on medication, outside of the stigmas you've been taught about mental illness. Talk to someone. You can feel better. xoxo.

You all knew each other for a long time before forming PHOX. Do you think your familiarity made it harder or easier to work together?

Monica: We had varying levels of closeness when we all moved into that house five years ago, so I think it was more-so the fact that we all had a "hands on deck" attitude, and from that bred great synergy. 

During your time so far as a band, you guys have done things like play Newport Folk Festival, have a Tiny Desk Concert, and open for some pretty high-profile acts. What was it like getting those calls? Is there a specific moment that stands out to you?  

Monica: Every time you get asked to participate in such things, I think there’s always a minute where you short-circuit when the news hits your ear, and then you jump for joy, then the fear creeps in, then you undulate between the joy and the fear, and then it smoothes out to a nice even-keeled bliss. HA! At least for me. I feel like Tiny Desk Concert was huge heartswell for us, iTunes Festival, Conan, traveling overseas 5+ times, I mean, everything! I would have never thought. It all feels so important, forgive the cliche, but the fact that anyone was moved by something we made together is an incredible thing. 

-Helen Hennessey 

Send PHOX off at 9:30 Club on January 25.

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH SOMA CHHAYA

“Inspiring thought in even just one person is the best I can hope that myself, my music, lyrics, and videos will do.”

With strong passions for both music and acting (and the talent to back her growing resume), she is fresh off a busy year of original music and film roles. We chat with Chhaya about her creative process as a musician and DIY approach to her brand, role in the Academy Award nominated The Breadwinner, and work with Youth Ottawa.

Congratulations on the release of your latest single, “Forever Boy!” Tell us about the new track – what sound were you going for, and what was the songwriting process like?

Thank you! “Forever Boy” is my second single, and such a different side of myself from the first. I was going for an intimate feel; the lyrics are sexy and raw to my own feelings, which I think people will connect to in a different way. The songwriting process for this song took about 4 months because I am so particular about my words and I wanted the vibe of falling in love to feel just right; electric and uncontrollable.

You’ve described yourself as a visual learner. As a musician and songwriter, how does this guide your creative process?

Well, I actually write in pictures. I think of what the music video will look like first, or I describe the imaginary scenarios in my mind... I like my lyrics to be as detailed as possible and I love to create pictures in people’s heads when they hear my words.

You were enrolled in Canada’s Music Incubator program last year. Tell us about your experience, and how it helped you as an emerging artist?

I loved the CMI program! I actually met the producer of “Forever Boy” during my time there. The amount of mentors and friendships that came out of that experience has been so rewarding. Not to mention how much I discovered myself and my sound through having industry professionals guiding me. I was so confused on how to be a professional musician before I went there!

You take a hands-on approach in the making of your music videos, how important is it for you to be involved in all aspects of your music and brand?

It’s probably as important to me as the music is. I come from a film background, and so this portion comes easy to me (editing, directing, writing scripts). Also, I have such a specific message I want to deliver with my art that I never want it to get diluted, and it wont as long as I’m fully involved with every aspect of the song and video. I have a small team with my uncle who’s a videographer, and he lets me have full creative direction. Plus, it’s so much more fun to DIY and see how much can come from minimal budget and equipment. It’s all about creativity at that point.

You starred as Goldi Nahir in Degrassi: Next Class. What was your favourite part about portraying this character, and what do you miss most about this cast and show?

My favourite part was getting to act every single day for months straight. I loved waking up at 4 am before the sun would rise and going to set. I don’t think I’d want to spend my teen years any other way. Also, I just grew so attached to Goldi, I feel like she actually taught me so much about feminism that I was ignorant to before, now I share a lot of her views. I miss the cast for sure, but I’m not out of touch with them. I live so close to the people I bonded with most and I see them all the time!

You provided your voice to the animated drama The Breadwinner, which is an Academy Award nominee. Tell me about this story, its take on gender politics, and why it should be watched.

This film is about a young girl in Afghanistan, Parvana, who has to work to feed and provide for her family when her father gets unfairly arrested. This film breaks gender roles and shows how strength is not determined by age, sex, gender, or circumstance. This film especially hits home to me because my grandmother was in Parvana’s position during the war in India. I think anyone can learn something from The Breadwinner, not just children. This is a real story, still happening to girls around the world today, and it’s important to be aware. Awareness drives change.

What artists are you currently listening to on your playlist? Who inspires you in your sound?

Oh man, I love this question! I’m obsessed with Die Antwoord, Grimes, Sky Ferreira, Sleigh Bells, Eminem, Miley Cyrus, Lana Del Rey, Gwen Stefani, and Elvis. Every single one of these artists has shaped my view of the world, my confidence, or my art in one way or another. These guys have been on repeat on my playlists for years now. One thing they all have in common is they don’t care who hates them, they’re never afraid to be themselves and use their art as a tool to provoke discussion in society. So much respect for all of them.

You’ve said before “it’s okay to be weird, and it’s okay to be provocative.” Can you expand on those thoughts, and what do you hope people take away from your work and you as an artist?

By this I mean art is what has always instigated movement and progression in history. Art is meant to make you think, question, and gain new perspectives. The best way to do that is to bring yourself into your art and not play it safe. Be weird, be proactive, never stop asking and posing questions. Be who you want and make the art you want, provoke people to see things through your eyes and experiences. Inspiring thought in even just one person is the best I can hope that myself, my music, lyrics, and videos will do.

You’ve done work with Youth Ottawa. Tell us about the not-for-profit and how youth can get involved and create positive change. Why is this cause important to you?

I think it’s always important to know what rights and power you hold in society, no matter how old you are. Youth Ottawa’s whole mission is to bring awareness to kids that they have a voice, and to teach them how they can use it. How kids should be picking things out in their community that they find unjust and DO something about it. I’m a huge believer that you should always question and improve your surroundings, which is why I aligned with Youth Ottawa’s work and wanted to know more.

What are your plans for the rest of 2018?

A: It’s all in air. Usually, I’m the person who always has a plan, but this year I want to see where I naturally flow towards. Maybe an album later on, who knows!

If you could be any ice cream flavour, which would you be and why?

I’d be hot sauce flavoured ice cream. I’ve always been a weirdo misfit and I like it that way :)

______________________________________________________________

Thank you to Soma Chhaya for taking the time to respond to our questions! Visit https://www.somachhaya.com/ to stay connected with Soma, her new projects, and music.