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bluepenguinstories · 4 years

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Remoras Full Chapter XXII: Wendy City

As I sat outside with a few friends at the break of dawn, my mind kept returning to just last night. That scene couldn’t be shaken away and while those folks conversed with pudding cups and oranges in hand, I mulled over that lady’s words.

“Rhea? Is that you?” She asked.

“Rheain’t,” I should’ve replied with. Rather than such a statement as, “now that’s a name I haven’t heard in years.” God damn, could I have been any more ambiguous? Sure, it made sense to me at the time, but I probably gave my would-be bounty hunter the wrong impression.

Now that I thought of it, we were similar in stature and I suppose (although it was a bit of a stretch) that in the dark, my purple hair could have been mistaken for her blue. Still...the implications of being mistaken for such a person left me just a little unsettled.

Pensive, I fixed my gaze on the space between the four of us, then allowed a smile to form.

“Last night I ran into someone who mistook me for an old co-worker of mine,” I announced to the group.

My arms were crossed and I glanced around now and took note of the food in each person’s hand; Otis, with his thick red mittens which held a queen sized candy bar. Gloria, frail and heavy in perfume (who knows how she got hold of such a thing) shook her hands as she spooned pudding into her mouth. Bernard, whose brown and balding hair matched his brown leather clothing, all full of holes. He held an orange in his hand. All the while, my stomach growled.

“You had a job?” Bernard grunted in disbelief.

“Yes, I had a job. Why is that so hard to believe?” I protested. “In fact, it was a little over a couple years ago that I was laid off. Well, all of us were laid off. The company is no more. Just like that office building beside us. Whatever occupied it once doesn’t occupy it now.”

In some respects, good riddance. In others, good grief.

“What kind of job was it?” Gloria, now interested, set down her pudding cup and asked. Bless her frail heart.

Now what can I tell them to make it palatable?

“We were housekeepers, of sorts,” was the answer I came up with.

“What, like you cleaned houses?” Bernard again.

I put my elbow over my knee, palm on my forehead, and shook my head.

“We cleaned...messes. Going from place to place, each of us with our little jobs. Some of us were really good at getting rid of things, while others, it was more about tidying up or moving things around. Brooms, mops, sprays, vacuums, feather dusters. You name it. Everyone had their specialty.”

In truth, our organization never had a name. Those who knew of us outside of the organization would call us ‘janitors’. Then again, some of us did as well. That, or something like it. Custodians, waste disposal, cleaners, plumbers, renovators, whatever. To think that it all stemmed from a joke we all passed around about how we ‘cleaned up after others’ messes’. Then again, how many messes did we clean up and how many did we make?

“You know, back in the day there used to be a term for mafia hitmen. ‘Guy who paints houses’. Were you something like that?” Otis at last gave some input, and I wondered where he heard that bit of trivia. He couldn’t have been much older than twenty.

“No, nothing like that,” I chuckled. “Get that idea out of your head.”

Because it’s too close to the truth for comfort.

“Anyway, about this old co-worker of mine…” I began, but I was no storyteller; I could spend the rest of my bloody life reminiscing, but that didn’t mean I could give a recollection worth a damn. Yet I tried. Important or not, the need to tell these strangers I’ve shared light meals with tugged at me. “What you have to understand is that many of us shared a bond together. Despite the fact we’d always have our jobs at different places from one another and although sometimes we’d be asked to work as a group or paired together, more often than not, we were off doing our own thing. But we still got together, whether it be at taverns, or the…” headquarters. “Office.”

I paused. Not for effect. Not for feedback. But for the simple fact that I wasn’t sure what name to give this mystery co-worker.

“So if you think of us like a grade school classroom, this co-worker, let’s call her Rhonda. Rhonda…Civic. Yeah, that works. Anyway, Rhonda would’ve been the quiet kid in the back. She kept to herself, didn’t really interact with anyone, and had a few quirks. Some odd ways of speaking. Feeling. Others picked up on it, and of course, like a grade school, she’d get teased. Others would talk about her behind her back,” kinda what I’m doing now, except how else am I supposed to talk about someone who’s no longer around?

“I’ve had situations like that,” Bernard grunted as he gave his input. “I used to operate a forklift for a pet food company. Me an’ the boys would shoot the shit when the manager wasn’t watchin’. Most of us, ‘nyway. There was this youngish guy, flannel shirt and overalls. Same attire every day. Didn’t know how he got away wit’ it, but that’s what he wore. He moved bag after bag of dog food, but never once so much as said hi. Not a peep from the kid. We all thought it was weird. Anyway, he quit one day, we never found out why, and that was that. I didn’t even think much of him ‘til you mentioned somethin’.”

“Yeah, it was the same for me,” I replied, and I looked up at the clouds in the sky. “Funny that, I didn’t think much of her back when I worked for that company and now out of the blue someone mistook me for her and it was like, ‘oh yeah…’”

“What about you, Wendy? You’re always off on your own at night, going at it with your projects,” he countered.

“We all have our eccentricities,” I concurred. “I’m also not much for conversation, either, most of the time, but I still enjoy the company of others. If for nothing else than the spectacle.”

It was far too early in the morning, but how I wished to have a warm cup of tea or sake in my hands so I could take little sips as I spoke.

“I never thought anyone outside of the company ever knew her, be it an old friend or an old enemy,” I carried on, unsure if I had any conclusion to this or if it was just early morning rambling.

“What? You think she had enemies?” Otis spat and I could swear that bits of chocolate just flew right by me.

“That’s the thing: I don’t know. There wasn’t really anything I knew about her apart from I heard. Sure, I watched her a few times, but that didn’t tell me much. Whether she had friends or enemies, I could never tell. When I think back on it, I wish I did know. That I had tried to find out more. But it’s kind of that whole ‘you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone’ type of thing. Then again, here she is gone, and I still don’t know what to make of it.”

“Gone?” Gloria must have taken notice of my choice of words. For the record, I didn’t know what became of her. Not any more than I knew what became of the rest of the people I once associated with. Considering that I couldn’t go back to the headquarters (not that I had any desire to return), I had to assume they were all dead and that the place was no more. It made the most sense to me.

“Yeah. Terminated. It’s funny that way, how to them we were all replaceable and they had no problem exploiting us, but even that couldn’t save them.”

“Damn if I don’t know that,” Otis bemoaned. “I have a nephew, and my nephew has a friend who was working when a sign fell on him. Broke his leg. Next thing he knew, management fired him, worker’s comp didn’t cover for his injury, and when he tried to sue, the company’s lawyers blocked him. Then, I knew this other guy who did what he was supposed to. But he got paid scraps and the stress got to him, so one day he came to work all hopped up on coke and his boss fired him on the spot. All those days of doing what he was told and scraping by, and one day was all it took for it to come crashing down. He ended up killing himself some time after that,” after those last words came a sniffle. No tears, though. Maybe it was a runny nose.

I shook my head. Sympathy and grief was a difficult thing to muster given the life I had; countless moments of killing and watching others die. Those I worked with, laughed and shared drinks with, gone at any moment. It wasn’t a case of ‘kill or be killed’, but it was a life defined by the death of others, all the same. So what I felt when Otis relayed his tales of people he knew, all I could feel was hatred and disgust. If I knew their bosses, I would have killed them on the spot.

“You okay, Wendy?” Otis’ voice of concern broke through my thoughts. How I must have stared with that same pensive look I often did when lost in thought.

“It’s just not right, though, is it?” I glanced from person to person as I asked, my question rhetorical in nature. They all shook their heads and murmured, “no” or “not at all”.

Then Bernard waved his hand away and grumbled.

“Bah! Right, wrong, who gives a damn? I’m still alive,” he retorted, then turned to his back and laid himself down over sheets of newspaper.

That was a point I was willing to consider. To some, there was a profound difference between ‘alive’ and ‘survive’, but really, he was no less alive than someone with the privilege of a roof over their head and a bed to sleep in. Food in the pantry and some form of stability. Such things were all an illusion, anyway. People get busy, food goes bad. Bills pile up, costs increase, wage stays the same. To compensate, work extra hours, sleep less. Everything comes at a price few can afford and the compromises are seldom in one’s favor. Locked into a system in which the average person is always just on the verge of homelessness, yet the state of being homeless itself was punished.

Once I had asked Bernard, “if you were given a home, would you take it?” Based on that premise some other minds had, that people such as Bernard only lived that way because they wanted to. That it’s ‘on them’ or whatever. His response? Something like, “show me something that won’t be taken from me, otherwise don’t waste my time.”

That may have sounded like, “I’m here because I want to,” but at least to me, the difference couldn’t have been any more clear.

But enough rants. I stretched my arms out and yawned, then smiled a cheeky grin.

“Well, you know what they say, duty calls,” I announced as I got up. “Time for me to go digging for cash and get myself a bite to eat.”

That was how I went about most of my day: I’d get up, chat with a few folks around the docks, walk around the city ‘til I got a bit of cash, spend it on deep dish pizza and cheap beer (the staple of Chicago), then head back to the docks, bathe in the lake water, and resume my work in the office building. One of those days I’d have working lights, and then I could get to work on giving those folks a more comfortable place to sleep at night. Something like a home. Although it was unfortunate to think that in the eyes of the law, they’d still be considered homeless. Even the most idealistic of endeavors could result in a losing battle.

Whatever actions I might have to take in the future, I focused on the agenda for the day. It was during the day in which I was neither a rumor nor a killer. Daylight meant that I was just a person. Hell, at times a superhero; case in point, an old lady gave me a few bucks after I got her cat out of a tree (yes, as cliché as it was, such a thing happened quite often). Soon after that, I headed down to Cosmo Corner (a popular downtown tavern).

It was about noon now and my favorite bartender would be in soon: Wanda. Nice young lady, all covered in tattoos. At least a dozen on each arm, when I first met her I thought she was part of a crime ring or in a street gang, but nah. Apparently on the side, she liked to paint in her studio, but that was as hardcore as she got. Oh, well, being a bartender could be hardcore too. Not everyone can handle being a bartender.

Right now it was Stickbug (no, I don’t know why he was called that, but everyone called him that. Maybe that’s just his name). Fitness guru with a pencil thin mustache who was disastrous at mixing drinks. But amiable, I’d give him that. None of the conversations he’d strike up were ever ones I was interested in having, but he didn’t have a mean word to say about anyone. Maybe that was the problem: you had to have boundaries. You couldn’t show everyone the same level of sympathy.

“Say Wendy, have you heard of the fall of Constantinople?” Stickbug asked whilst he flung glass after glass in the air and began juggling them. Upon a quick glance, I noticed that there weren’t many people at the moment. Fine enough. I guess no one would give him dirty looks. As for me, I let my head fall onto the counter, the effects of my lack of sleep setting in.

“No, I haven’t,” I replied.

“D’ya wanna hear about it?” He continued to ask, and I already knew how insistent he could be with his topics.

“No,” I told him, to no avail.

“Okay, so we’ve got this city named Istanbul and…” he began, but it didn’t take long for my thoughts to drown out anything else he said.

Why couldn’t I have come in just a little bit later? No, it’s not bad. I could learn things if I listen, I’m just not in the mood to do so. I just want to eat and drink and...oh. Oh my. This must be what Rhea had to deal with all the time...wanting to order food, but never wanting to socialize. Not to mention how anxious she seemed to be in any situation that didn’t have to do with violence. Girl could kick ass but had trouble ordering a sandwich at a sub shop. Not to mention the general bodily discomfort she apparently dealt with.

‘I, and I cannot stressed this enough, am stressed’ I imagine she must have said at one point or another. Seemed to fit, anyway. That, or ‘I, and I cannot stress this enough, need a sweater’ or a blanket. Ugh. Why am I thinking of some weirdo who had such a minuscule presence in my life? Could it have to do with that woman last night? Yeah, probably. Well, a name’s a name. It could have been anyone named ‘Rhea’. Hell, the one I’m thinking of used a different name for each person she met, so I doubt anyone would know her by that name. Probably something else instead, like Sharpay D. Em.

Anyway, I ought to be thinking of more important things. Like the fact that the woman last night wanted to kill me. First of all, couldn’t she have waited? I was busy and I don’t really like being interrupted from my work. All I’m asking for is some fair warning and furthermore –

“...And that is why if you suspect you have a mouse in your home, you should leave a piece of cheese on the floor overnight,” Stickbug seemed to have concluded his little history lesson, except I must have missed many steps, because I wasn’t really sure how we got there.

“Wait, what?” I lifted my head and asked with a dull expression planted on my face.

“Want me to start all over?” He beamed, and I’m sure he could have talked all day and night if someone let him.

“How about later? Isn’t your shift over soon?” I reminded him with a slight sense of pride.

“Oh yeah! You’re right! So glad I got someone to remind me! Otherwise I’d be here all day!”

And nobody wants that. Hell, I don’t even think you’d want that.

“Before you go, I may as well order, seeing as I haven’t done that yet.”

“Oh no!” He gasped. “I hope you haven’t been hungry!”

Funny to think that his concern is real and not sarcasm.

“In fact, I am hungry right now,” I corrected him. “By the way, I’ll get my usual: pepperoni and spinach, large.”

“Right on!” I handed him the cash I had gotten from that old lady earlier. I still had some left over for sake, but I wanted to wait until Wanda got in.

I wonder what kind of food that woman from last night likes to eat. I feel like she’d eat chicken legs and large chunks of steaks. Just, a lot of steak. You know, why am I wondering such a thing? I’ve got better things to think about.

About five minutes later and a glass of water downed, Stickbug waved goodbye. In his place came Wanda with a bandanna over her head and covered in sweat which ran down her face.

“Intense painting session?” I asked.

She wiped her forehead and huffed.

“You know it. Were you waiting for me?”

“Heh,” I flashed her a smile. “It’s just not the same with Stickbug.” Really, how did that name come about? I think he said his name was Steven once, but I’ll be damned if I can remember.

“Is that so?” She asked, then went to the back to put her stuff away and get settled in. About the same time she came back out, the pizza arrived as well.

I took a heaping slice as layer upon layer of cheese and bits of spinach fell off of the pizza and back down onto the plate, unable to sustain itself on the thick cake of dough. Upon taking a large bite, my mouth was filled with the warm and gooey taste along with the combination of squishy spinach and savory pepperoni. One strong gulp later, and I was ready to take a drink. Next to me was my cup of sake, and when I looked up, Wanda winked.

“By the way, someone came in last night asking about any abandoned buildings,” Wanda mentioned as I sipped my cup of sake.

“Oh yeah?” I hummed, which came out more like a “mm-hmm.”

“Yeah. I just told her about the office building you’ve been hanging out in.”

I spat out my drink. Some might have gotten on her apron, but that was her problem, not mine.

“What did you do that for?! I don’t want people coming in and interrupting me while I’m working!”

Then I thought it over.

“Say, what did she look like?”

She put her finger on her chin and looked up.

“Hmm...big and muscular, brown poofy hair.”

Ugh. Yeah.

“Oh yeah. She came by and visited. Tried to kill me,” I replied, almost nonchalant about the whole ordeal, despite how much it had been on my mind.

“What? Are you serious?” She balked.

I shrugged and took another bite of my pizza.

“Yeah, but she wasn’t hard to deal with or anything.”

My main concern was why she was there at all. It’s not that I never expected anyone to come after me, especially when I all but deserted my job. But when no one came, I just expected that I was free and I could live out my life as I pleased.

“Jeez, did you kill her?” She accused. Rather baseless, too.

“No,” I scoffed. “I just sent her back home. Don’t know why she went after me, either.”

“Look, Wendy, I know you’ve killed people. Can’t really say I didn’t see something like this coming.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong: I get why, I just don’t get why, y’know?”

She shook her head.

“It’s like, she said there was a request for my death. She didn’t even know who I was, she mistook me for someone else. What I don’t get is why, rather, how such a request came about. Like, someone knows about me, but is sending people who don’t know about me to do the job.”

“Well, do you know what the request says?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Then maybe whoever made it didn’t know who you were either, but noticed some things around the area.”

“Yeah, maybe.” It was all too possible I was overthinking things. But when it came to things like that, a fair deal of suspicion was necessary. “Whatever the case, if such a request like that is out there, then I doubt the person last night will be the only one.

“It’s kind of an open secret among the circle you talk to that you’re the one behind the murder of those cops. I don’t blame you, plenty of people around here don’t like the police and I really do wish you well, but most people don’t have the privilege to do what you do. Most people don’t have the ability to murder those they see as committing an injustice. Not only that, but most people don’t have confidantes that would be willing to keep their secret. You know why?”

Great. Just what I wanted while I was at the bar with some good food and drinks: a lecture.

“If you’re going to tell me because it’s illegal, I’m going to argue that it’s only illegal if you don’t have a badge and a uniform. Most serial killers are the ones who are hired by the state and demand your respect.”

Her face lowered and she turned from me.

“Yeah, I get it. I’m not saying I disagree, just that the average person isn’t capable of doing such things, even if they wanted to. Even if they ignored the legality, it doesn’t matter. Just as you said, you’ve got got hordes willing to kill whoever they see fit without consequence, decked in highly-militarized outfits and weapons. Their numbers are too great, their power is too great, and if you even show the least bit resistance, they’ll throw in the rest of the military alongside them. So the best most of us can ask for is to avoid them as much as possible. But here you go, picking off anyone who rubs you the wrong way and not only do you manage to sneak on by and keep going, but it’s like you boast about it, too.”

“I don’t boast – I never said I enjoy it.”

“No, that’s not what I mean, sorry.”

“But you’re right: I am very fortunate. In the past, I’ve evaded my demise and have slaughtered entire armies that wished to pursue me. I’m not saying that to boast, though it is quite a feat, I admit. I’ve had a long life, a storied and bloody past, and I really wish I could stay out of trouble, but I just can’t seem to help myself. Old habits, I guess.”

“You’re not that old, are you? You don’t look much over thirty.”

I managed a chuckle.

“Would you believe me if I said I was well over five hundred years old?”

“Quit joking around.”

It’s not exactly wrong. I was born sometime early in the Sengoku period, but time travel sure does let you skip ahead a few years. There’s no way I could explain something like that, though.

“Let’s just say I’ve got a good skincare routine.”

That time, I was joking. There’s no way in hell that bathing in Lake Michigan would preserve your youth.

“Either way, I’m used to not sticking around places for very long. If things get too hot, I’ll leave town. So don’t worry about me,” I assured Wanda.

“I’d like it if it wouldn’t have to come to that,” she replied. “You’re a good customer, and make for good conversation.”

Well, I couldn’t say I wasn’t flattered, but hopefully she wouldn’t hold it against me if I did decide to ditch this place, reside elsewhere and try to lay low. Eventually I would have liked to settle down and be an old lady. Maybe knit sweaters in my spare time, or get a dog and a garden. Become the friendly old lady in the neighborhood that no one knows anything about.

None of that was likely. People like me weren’t meant to last long. As far as age went, I was already pushing it and as far as I knew, I really wasn’t much over thirty. It was just hard to tell where in my thirties, since my concept of time has been all screwed up.

I left the bar soon after. Despite my enjoyment of Wanda’s presence, my head just wasn’t as much in it as I thought it would be. So, still middle of the day, I returned to the docks, ready to get back to work.

I still don’t have the solution. Not enough power. Every time I think I’ve got a spark, it only lights one area. What I need is a lightning rod. Maybe I could stand one of my swords up to the roof to collect electricity. Or antennae. No. That still wouldn’t be enough, not without the right circuitry and places to send the electricity to. There’s more than one component and I can’t just do one without the other. If I’m lucky, there might be some generators downstairs I haven’t discovered. But even if I have to steal or build power generators, I want to give these places a semblance of a home. Some place to rest.

But even if I’m successful, it still wouldn’t be legal for them to reside there. What would I do, then? Fight off a whole force? Or would I run with the knowledge that I would be outnumbered? When I consider the eventual outcome, it was a futile effort and good intentions will only get me so far.

I shook my head as I entered the darkened building through an opening with a loose board. If that woman had been more attentive, she would have seen that not all of those boards were as well covered, and one of them actually served as a door.

Inside, an absence of light. I reached to my right and grabbed my helmet and katana which lay on top of a tall cabinet.

Upon placing the helmet on my head, I had a much clearer view of my surroundings. The infrared visor on my helmet allowed me to see in the dark, albeit some objects showed up blurry.

Outside, it was still light. Dusk wasn’t expected for another few hours. In other words, I had time. I could do my work in peace, take a little nap, not worry about anything. If no one was going to come after me until well after dark, then I could prepare.

So I did just that; I patrolled the area, climbed up each floor, checked out each room, then headed back down to the first floor. All around the first floor I searched for a hatch or a door, a flight of stairs, something that would lead to a basement. No such luck. It seemed that there were no passages, hidden or otherwise. No basement. No generators.

Maybe that’s what I’ll have to resort to. I’ll have to dig out a basement, fill it with concrete, get some generators built or setup...argh! Why is it so hard to get this going? I should just tell everyone, “sorry guys, I know I hate to make false promises, but looks like I just set my sights too high!”

I sunk down to the floor along a wall, right next to a door which would have led to someone’s office.

“Who am I kidding? It’ll be a miracle if I don’t leave before I get the chance to figure this out.”

I leaned my head over and soon felt the weight of the darkness creep up on me as it guided me to a gentle sleep.

When I awoke, I brought myself up to my feet and decided to climb up the many flight of stairs once more.

If I’m lucky, I’d like to at least get the elevator working. Something.

Short rests were all that were ever afforded to me. If I had gotten three hours or more, that was oversleep for me. With the way my body operated, perhaps adapted, I never worried myself with dreams. On the rare occasion where I had a dream, they were brief windows, photographs, still frames cascading down. Images of being beheaded. Of watching my head roll down into a river. Typical things like that. Such things weren’t memories, but just reminders of what should have been long ago.

Never mind. Several flights later, I saw the bits of collapsed roof on the floor. Above, the glow of the moon illuminated the floor. It was the only source of light I was afforded, save for the helmet.

So I see. It’s evening now.

“Damn, couldn’t she have found a different way in other than breaking down the roof? Now I’m going to have to repair that as well…”

If another came after me, I really hoped they wouldn’t drop down from the roof. That would make things too easy for me.

I’m going to consider that it’s still too early for something like that. Not that I have a watch or a phone, but I doubt it’s been night for very long. I just can’t imagine anyone attacking me until late into the night. Any time earlier and it would just be rude.

Just like the night before, I went down to where the top of the elevator was, along with the open panel in the wall. If I had to start somewhere, I figured I’d get done what I could. That was, if I could get anything done at all.

So as I crouched down and got to work, my helmet lifted as I did so. I struck a match and held it between my lips as I worked, plucking it out every now and then to help bind the wires together. There were two wires left with just a little bit of juice. I pulled out a pair of rubber gloves, then held the two wires together and rubbed them; as soon as there was a spark, I used the flame from the match to bind them together. Behind me, a couple rooms away, a light turned on.

Now let’s hope it stays on. Which reminds me: I need to get new light bulbs.

One day, if I ever got (or built) a generator and a basement to place it in, I would test the breaker board. It would be a beautiful sight if one day the whole building could light up. Even as it was, the light from the room remained and leaked out. I was impressed to see that it had stayed on.

Now if I flick the switch off, then on again, will it turn back on?

As I turned to work on the elevator, I was stopped in my place when I heard a thump in the distance. It could have been nothing. Those pipes were old, after all. The vents too.

But even if it was nothing, I had to check it out.

Down one flight of stairs, the sound of movement and creaks against the vents could be heard.

Could it be that I’ve got a guest?

That same sound continued in little spurts. Less noise, but still there. Unavoidable. I could tell, there was movement of some kind. Rat, pebble, raccoon, or a person. Further down the hallway, the sound grew closer, more pronounced. Little shimmies and brushes. Metallic clangs.

I stood in place as the sound seemed to be just above my head. I took off my helmet. No need for it.

“I know you’re up there,” I announced.

Silence. No more movement. Nothing.

Seconds went by. Still nothing.

Stillness passed through the air, and so I had no choice but to accept that I may have just been hearing the old building making noises.

I let out a heavy sigh. Defeat. So soon, too.

“Guess I was just hearing things. I’ll head back now.”

Still no sound of movement. How disappointing. I unsheathed my sword and flashed a toothy smile.

“...Just kidding,” I said before I plunged my katana into the vent and sliced the thing in half.

If there had been a person, or just a rat, surely they felt that.

As I did so, the noise of steel against steel, the grating being slashed apart couldn’t mask the undeniable sound of movement heading backward.

I held my katana up and dragged it against the ceiling as I walked toward the sound of someone retreating from within the vents.

Around the corner, I heard a drop, and the hard tap of a shoe against the floor.

So it was a person. And I missed. I really must be losing my touch.

As I approached, someone small and frail looking peeked out from the corner and threw a knife my way. I caught it between my fingertips and just as fast, threw it back. In a panic, the intruder let out a squeak and ducked back behind the corner, then picked up their knife and ran.

“Were you thinking you could kill me with that? Or were you planning on me blocking it, then running toward me with another knife, the thrown knife being a distraction?” My smile grew wider, almost a grin. It didn’t take much to know their strategy; too many times I’ve dealt with similar tactics. Smart, but amateurish.

Does this person really think they stand more of a chance than the person last night? Or are they just expecting to run around like this is some endurance test?

I wasn’t about to let them experience such a luxury. I ran after and watched as they almost got behind the door to an adjacent room, but before they could do so, I grabbed their wrist and held on tight. Once I pulled them forward, closer to me, it turned out the intruder was a young woman with wavy, green hair.

With my other hand, I raised my knife and readied myself to slice down against her arm.

She scowled, then with her free arm reached for my wrist to free herself. Before she could puncture me, I swung my blade down, at the same time let go of her wrist. Just in time, she jumped out of the way. I turned to make a quick slash, but she blocked it with her knife. Such a measly thing. All I had to do was push harder and it began to show little cracks.

She let go and jumped out of the way again.

“Nimble one, aren’t you?” I observed. Then she charged, but I moved out of the way. She tried to slash with her knife from the side, but I blocked it with my blade, then let go and kicked her to the floor.

Short on breath, she picked herself up. So far all of her efforts, while quick-witted, had been feeble at best.

“Let me ask you this: why do you want to kill me? Is there money involved?”

“I...I don’t want to kill you. That’s...that’s not why I came here,” she spoke, her voice rough, but high in pitch and she fixed her gaze on me as she tried to recover her breath.

“Then why?”

“I want to know who you are,” she answered.

That was such a ridiculous answer. But at least it was some kind of answer.

“I’m a serial killer,” I replied through my teeth. “I leave a trail of bodies in my wake. Sliced open, stabbed through the chest. Cut to ribbons. Does that answer your question?”

Her face turned to shock and she took a step back, but shook her head.

“No, I already knew that much from the request.”

“That again. The request to kill me, correct?”

She gave a nod.

“But I would rather not have to try. Not if you’re anything like who Sunny thought you were.”

“Sunny?”

“The one who tried to kill you last night and got herself beat real good. She thought you were –” I stopped her.

“Rhea?” I asked.

Another nod.

“What was so special about that name? There’s probably plenty of people in this city with that name.”

“Yes. And I looked up every single person with that name in Chicago. There were a lot more names than I thought, and not all of them were happy about receiving a phone call from a stranger.”

…

“Are you a dunce? Did you really?”

“Yes.”

I snorted. I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of someone actually doing that. I sunk down to the wall and sat.

“Sit,” I commanded. “And if you try anything funny, I will kill you.”

Wordless, she crouched down and sat against the wall across from me.

“So what does that name mean to you?” I questioned.

“Nothing. But it means plenty to a few of the people around me. Rhea Flection, they call her. Apparently she was both feared and admired. Some people want her dead, or revenge on her, others just seem to wish they could see her in action. My cousin and her wife were apparently one of her targets. Someone I admire apparently worked in the same company as her. Says that she died. Yet all these other people keep bringing her up.”

Damn. That name. So it really was the same one that I knew.

“Heh,” I leaned my head back. Absurd as it was, I not only stopped the fight, but also let my guard down. “I wonder if I’ll have my own fan club as well when I die.”

“I take it to mean that you’re not her?” She asked, something which I would have thought was obvious.

“You mean that socially awkward iceberg? No. I’m not her.”

“Iceberg?” She tilted her head, which made me wonder just how much she actually knew.

“You’d have to have been there.”

“So I take it you knew her?”

“Yes. We worked in the same company. But that’s ancient history. For the record, I’m Wendy Day. You?”

“Demetria. What kind of name is that, by the way?”

“I picked it out because I wanted an English sounding name, and it sounds like ‘windy day’. Not very clever, I know. I used to be called Mizue Soyokaze, but I threw that name away long ago, along with the rest of my younger self.”

“Cool. Lore. Can I sit next to you?” She asked, rather sudden, too.

“Go ahead. But I’ll remind you not to get any ideas.”

She got up and as she approached me, she looked away, ashamed or uneasy.

“I probably should have tried to kill you, seeing as I don’t want you to go around killing people, but I was more focused on getting some kind of answers,” she said as she sat down. Then turned away from me. I took it to mean she was shy.

“You don’t want me to go around killing people?” I scoffed. “I don’t want me to go around killing people. I’ve tried to put this life behind me, not get myself into trouble, but then I see others do things that I just can’t abide by.”

“Like what?” She asked, and her voice quivered. If only I had dragged out the battle, maybe she would have shown more bravery.

“Sexual abusers, for starters, but that should be obvious. Then there’s people like landlords and debt collectors who couldn’t care less if they let others die in the name of money. Greedy fucks all around. Still, I can’t catch everyone out there, only the ones that I see. Even then, I try not to let my blood boil, not let it get to me. I try to sit by, abide by the law, but then I witness a child running around with a toy gun with his best friend playing some kind of game, like cops and robbers. Then an actual cop comes and shoots the kid dead, a cruel irony. Said cop walks off, no remorse or recourse, all the while that kid just wanted to play and now their life ended. That I can’t abide by.”

“Wow,” she mouthed.

“But, in case you start thinking I’m some savior, acting only in the name of justice, let me remind you that I’m a murderer and violence is what I know. If anything, I find excuses to take lives, not unlike some of the people I so despise. It’s not even so much a craving or an addiction, but I don’t think this world will ever grow kind, and neither will I.”

“But why did you ever start?”

“Because,” I began. I had to pause, and I thought to myself, wait. Am I really going to go through my life story with a stranger I assumed wanted to kill me? Fuck it. I’m doing this. “I’m all too familiar with authority abusing their power. Back in my old life, when I was young and still had a family, there was a high ranking member of society who was found dead, a puncture wound through their chest. I was blamed for it, an unassuming girl who stayed home all the time and helped out with her family. But once I was accused, that same family disowned me, regardless of whether or not I had actually committed such a thing.”

“Did you?”

“No. But that didn’t matter, I was just a commoner, so my word didn’t mean much, and there was less proof that I didn’t than proof that I did, even if either way was inconclusive. Regardless, I was set to be executed; beheaded, actually. Two men with swords beside me, one in front. All against my throat. However, I managed to fight back and steal the two men’s swords, then cut them all down. After that, I hid out in an abandoned shack. Later on, I found out who the real killer had been and killed him myself. After, I fled. That didn’t stop me from being pursued, but I cut anyone down who dared to try.”

“That’s kinda badass,” she commented. I had to stop her right there.

“No, just bad. My life should have ended that day, as the person I am now was the person I was once accused of being. But no matter how many close calls I’ve had, I’m still here, like some kind of cockroach.”

“And your company?” She asked, and I knew where her real focus was.

“They picked me up a few years back, though in my mind it was centuries ago. They told me that they could offer me protection, be paid to take out those who would abuse their authority. By then, I knew it was only a matter of time, with whole armadas after me. So I accepted.”

“I see.”

“Do you know what we did in that company?” I pondered.

“I get the gist of it. It’s unpleasant, but I can’t just fault everyone when I don’t know them.”

“Huh. Interesting answer.”

I stared down at my blade, then sheathed it. It had been a while, but not unheard of, since I just...sat next to a would-be victim and heard them out. I kind of missed it, as often when it did happen, I would end up sparing said person and coming to a better understanding of them.

“Say, back when you worked there, did you know of someone named Remora?” She asked again.

Remora...Remora...does that ring any bells? No, I don’t think it does.

“No, sorry,” I replied.

“Uh...shivers a lot, always cold, doesn’t understand people well. Looks kind of like you, except not really. I mean, your guys’ faces and hair is totally different.”

“Oh, you mean Rhea,” I corrected, as there was no other person I could think of who was like that.

“No, no. Her name’s Remora. She says she knew of Rhea, but was never in the same place as her.”

Hmm...that was a curious thing, all right.

“Sorry, but I don’t think there was anyone named Remora, but you definitely described Rhea. One time, we were all at the bar, and she ordered a screwdriver. So I watched as she sat alone at a table and she pulled out an actual screwdriver. I watched her lick the screw driver, make a disgusted face, then looked around to make sure no one saw her. But I saw everything.”

“Is there a difference in taste?” Demetria asked, and I really had to wonder how someone so dense could exist.

“That’s not the point. The point is that she may have been this serious person who wanted to be left alone, but she was also just a total oddball. Even her attempts to be serious could be odd sometimes. Like one time, she tried to do this verbal takedown on a guy named Douglas Fir by listing out all his negative traits in alphabetical order.”

“I don’t think I could do that, but then again sometimes I wonder if I’m dyslexic,” she replied. Again, not the point.

“Whatever the case may be, I didn’t really think of her that much at the time, other than a few notable occurrences, but looking back, I kinda miss her. Then again, I miss most everyone in that company. Save the really shitty ones, but that’s neither here nor there. I know we were all eccentric amoral people, but it was like a community to me, and it felt like the closest thing I had to a home at the time.”

Really, I could reminisce for days.

“There was this other woman, Aurora B, and I suppose her, Rhea, and I could’ve been a ‘dream team’ except if put in a group, one of us would have killed the other two rather fast, thus negating the need for a group. Aurora because she wouldn’t be able to get us all to cooperate, Rhea because she prefers to work alone and would probably use her teammates as bait, and I’d probably notice something about the both of them that wouldn’t sit right with me and decide they’re both scum. Still, the idea is fun.”

“Wait, Aurora B? There’s an Aurora B in the arctic! She’s got a train and a band of thieves! I stabbed her and she robbed the restaurant I worked at!”

I blinked, then burst into laughter.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! There’s a version of her in this timeline and I bet she’s still just as rowdy! Oh, that must be fun!”

“What? Version of? This timeline?” She seemed confused.

“Yeah, like, you know, time travel and all that. Multiple universes, multiple versions of the same person.” I was surprised she knew about the company and yet didn’t know about that.

“I never considered that…” she muttered, then got up. “I think I’ll take off now. Thank you for that.”

“What? Already?”

“Yeah, I’ll just say that you were too strong for me and leave it at that.”

“Well if that’s all you needed, you should’ve just come by in the daytime. We could’ve had a nice chat over pizza.”

She waved goodbye, as if I wasn’t some dangerous force of nature, and I continued to sit and shake my head.

“I must be getting soft. First I injured someone rather than killed them, then I let the second person just walk away unscathed, and we had a nice little chat. I’m betting the third person who comes by I’ll end up buying them a drink.”

I couldn’t help but imagine the insanity of it all. My howls and laughter echoed through the almost empty building.

Once I calmed myself down, I stared up at the ceiling. How I wished I could fix up the place. Now I had to fix up the vents as well. There was always one more problem.

“What about you?” I addressed my last guest of the evening. “Have you come to kill me or just to chat?”

In one of the nearby rooms, a door opened up. Soon a figure approached me, a long rifle in hand.

“I’ll be quick. I just wanted to confirm that you were who I thought you were,” replied a low, icy voice.

“What, did you stalk her? Were you listening in on the whole thing?” Whoever said guest was, I would have at least liked a knock or something.

“No to the first one. Yes to the second.”

Direct. I liked that, at least.

“So what about the gun? I take it you’re the only person so far who even stands a chance against me.”

“I’m hoping it won’t come to that.”

“Mm,” I mulled it over. “I see. So I take it you know who I am already, but that’s what bothers me. I don’t seem to know who you are.”

“Yes. I’m not sure if you ever saw me. I was never around at the same time she was. I couldn’t have been. For the most part, I was kept isolated from most everybody else. Not that I minded.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t have. So, why Remora?” I wondered. “You’ve got over a thousand different names, don’t you? Couldn’t you have started a new life with one of those?”

“It’s because...I met someone important to me the day I chose that name.”

I shrugged. “Who am I to judge? One time an old man decided to call me Trout. True story.”

It didn’t take much for me to figure out what was going on. Who I was talking to.

“So you’re an alternate version, huh?” I asked. Rhetorical, I know.

“Yes. I am younger than she was, but I went through similar things and took on missions all the same.”

“They used you like a back up, I take it. In case the main one died. Which is what happened. Doesn’t that disgust you?”

“It is what it is.”

Right. Such emotionless responses.

“In a way, though, it’s relieving. Knowing that there’s a version of her that’s still around and can experience freedom, like me.”

“I’m just a version of myself. I’m me. Not her.”

“But you do share several names and a background, yes?”

“She was irresponsible. She knew what her job was and she got tired of it, so she died. That’s all. She didn’t even have to, she just wanted to. Yet people won’t shut up about her when she was never worth the attention to begin with,” she growled, working up a rant. It seemed I actually struck something of a nerve.

“Hey, that’s my friend you’re talking about. Don’t talk about my friend that way,” I shot back.

“You two weren’t friends,” she scoffed. I wondered if that was the most mad she had been in a while.

“I just decided that we were. Seeing as she’s not alive to object, I think I can make that decision,” I gave a sly grin.

“That’s not how that works. Did you two even talk?”

I lifted up my index finger and closed my eyes.

“Once. Just once.”

“About what?”

“Some guy was bothering her and she was uncomfortable, that much I could tell. She also looked ready to break a bottle over his head, and I wasn’t really interested in a fight breaking out. I think I said something like, ‘is he bothering you, queen?’ Then pushed him aside. She looked confused, asked ‘queen?’ And I think I laughed and said not to worry about it. I remember she thanked me, and chattered her teeth while trying to sound out the words to do so. I told her not to mention it and offered to help her with anything if she ever came to me.”

“And?”

“Needless to say, she never came to me. I think when I told her that, she said something like, ‘thanks, I’ll think about it’ while turning her head from side to side, so she probably wasn’t ever going to consider it. But makes me wonder about what could’ve been. Like maybe it would’ve changed something.”

“It wouldn’t. There’s nothing you could have done. That’s just how she was,” she replied, all brisk and choppy.

“Yeah, I guess so. Still –”

“Shut up about her,” she snapped, although her voice didn’t even manage to raise all that much. I could just tell with her gestures. The shake of her fist. Everywhere shook, in fact, like it was more than just a shiver.

“It bothers you that much, huh? Is it the name, or just being reminded?” I really wasn’t trying to push any buttons. I didn’t even realize there were any buttons to push. But I guess that’s what I needed to expect, with there being differences and all.

“No. I’m not bothered. It’s just a name. Just someone who’s not around anymore. That’s just why I think people should shut up about it. That person’s gone. Gone. Poof.”

Real convincing.

“Is it because it feels like you’re constantly being compared to with another version of yourself? Or how people might see her as a superior version of you?”

I waited for a response. When I got none, I figured I hit the nail on the head.

“I’m me. Just me. I’m the only version of me there is,” she concluded. Less robotic, but still choppy. Almost downtrodden in her tone.

That’s fine as long as you believe that.

“What about that friend of yours? Demetria?”

“We’re not friends.”

“But she’s important to you, isn’t she?”

“In a way.”

“So you care about her, then?”

“No.”

“Were you worried I was going to kill her if she found me, so you followed behind?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

Oh bother. It was fun at first, but now it’s like I was talking to a child.

“That whole aloof thing you got going isn’t a very good look for you,” I lectured.

“I’m not aloof.”

“Sure Jan,” I looked over and replied. “Look, I used to be like you, so I get it. I wanted to do everything on my own and I didn’t have much to share with others. But I’ve been blessed to have met a few good people here and there. I’ve survived due in part to the kindness of others.”

“Well…” She thought it over. “I don’t want to be aloof.”

“Bark like a dog, then,” I commanded.

To my surprise, she did just that: her best impression of a dog barking, anyway. I expected more of a Shiba Inu, but instead it came out as a yip, like a Chihuahua.

I cracked up; burst into laughter. Sides split and everything.

“Now you’re a woof,” I told her.

She growled, and I was inclined to say like a dog, as well.

“I hate you, you know that?” She whined.

“Aw, but I thought you loved puns,” I teased.

Changing the subject, she went back to a topic I thought would make her uncomfortable.

“By the way, do you even know what her last job was?”

Probably referring to the R-word.

“No. I was already here doing my own thing when it happened, so I never got to find out,” I explained.

“Well, if you ever want to know, I can give you Ves’ number.”

OK. Someone I don’t know about. Not useful at all.

“Why? Is she single?”

“Stop that. She’s got a cute wife.”

“Oh? Cute?” I should’ve told her I wasn’t really interested in either, as I knew she was the type to take everything seriously. “Like Demetria?”

“She’s cute too, yes.”

“So you admitted it,” I observed.

“Objectively speaking, anyway. Besides, that’s not the point – Ves was the one who killed her. She could fill you in better than I could.”

I see. She should’ve explained that sooner. I looked over and blinked.

“I don’t have a phone.”

She stared as well, then said, “oh.”

“Well, look: I’m working at this diner in the arctic for these people named Sunny and Ray. They thought I would be fun to work with, and not, well...me,” it seemed like Remora was just trying to proposition me with something, anything. I didn’t understand why. “So if you want to sometime, you could go up there. You’re probably more what they were looking for to begin with.”

I shook my head.

“No thanks. The cold’s your thing. I’m not really tied down to a motif. Besides, I’m a homeless old bat. How do you expect me to get up there?”

“I don’t know. You’re resourceful.”

True. I couldn’t deny that bit. Before I could answer, I started to cough. Like a tickle or a scratch at the back of my throat.

I leaned over and covered my mouth with my fist. Remora looked down.

“Are you sick?”

“Why do you care?” I smiled, even as I continued to cough.

“I don’t, but if you are, I don’t want to catch anything.”

As soon as she said that, the cough went away.

“Don’t worry. It’s not something you can catch.”

“What is it, then?”

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with meso – no, it’s not that. I don’t think so, anyway.

“Sometimes a cough is just a cough. I’m getting old, anyway. I might die any day now.”

“Somehow I doubt it. You’re like a cockroach.”

“Yeah, but even cockroaches aren’t immortal,” I reminded her.

There was a moment of silence. That moment grew. Nothing more was said. Nothing more that I could recall. I soon drifted off to sleep, the silence having consumed me. In spite of the intrusions, I think I got the deepest sleep I had in a while.

#writing #stories #fiction #action #drama #crime #noir #remoras full #scifi #swords

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jcmorrigan · 5 years

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The F/O? XR from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. The S/I? Rachel Sparks - fifth ranger of Team Lightyear with a big heart for justice (and no glasses in this ‘verse because I suppose Nebula would surgically augment my eyes to make sure Zurg couldn’t rip the glasses off and stomp on them, which is a Zurg tactic). This one was meant to nestle into the episode “Wirewolf,” based on that throwaway line where XR hears from another ‘bot that the air vents are the best hiding place. See, that was the episode in which I most wanted to hug my poor scaredyboi when he was being done a frighten. I was originally going to do a lot more with that ep as material, but this is all I ever got down.

Oh, also, I moved this around so it was after “42″ which is why Sparks is angsty

***

The air vents were actually quite spacious. Almost suspiciously so, in fact. Circular in shape from the interior, their diameter was enough to comfortably fit a self-described fun-sized robot at standing height.

Which, at the moment, was the purpose they were serving. XR didn’t want to think of himself as cowering, though “hiding” he would admit to, just to himself. Sure, the vents were unlit and forged a winding labyrinth, but it was a whole lot safer in here than out there. Yes, there was a small chance that the energy vampire could find his way in here, but it was such a small chance that it wasn’t even worth entertaining. Definitely not worth entertaining at all.

When the sound of someone – something? – crawling down the metal pipe reached XR’s auditory processing, he instinctively popped all eleven guns, aiming them at the source of the noise. “One step closer – wait, step? Wing-flap? Do you even – GET ANY CLOSER AND I’LL GIVE YOU ENERGY, ALL RIGHT. ELEVEN ROUNDS OF IT.”

The reply of “Friendly fire me and my ghost will follow you around, singing Never Gonna Give You Up backwards, for the rest of your eternal life” gave XR a start. His eye-lights flickered into high brightness, illuminating the space before him, where Rachel was crawling into position.

“Eheh…sorry about that…” The guns were folded back into storage. “Thought you were…somebody else.”

“Yeah, I kinda picked up on that.” Rachel repositioned herself, leaning up against the curve of the wall and settling into a semi-comfortable sitting position. “Who built these vents, anyway? They’re HUGE.”

“You know, I am not gonna look the gift horse-droid in the mouth here.” XR put one hand on his side, leaning cockily as he fired Rachel a coy grin. “So. What’s a nice gal like you doing in an air vent like this?”

“Well,” Rachel began, “when you went missing, I figured you were hiding from NOS somewhere because you were scared out of your wits – “

“Scared? Me?” XR was snapped out of his smug act, speaking quickly. “No. I am not scared. You’re thinking of some OTHER robot who always panics whenever energy vampires are involved.”

“Riiiiiight,” Rachel replied with a smirk before continuing, “Anyway, I asked around and got the tip on the vents, and so then I started overthinking about NOS getting in here and cornering you in the middle of a dark, cramped air vent, and now YOU’RE probably overthinking about NOS getting in here and cornering you in the middle of a dark, cramped air vent, so, long story short, I thought you could use the company.”

“I was NOT overthinking it,” XR insisted. Then, rather meekly as he tapped his metal fingertips together, “I…wouldn’t mind if you stuck around a bit, though…”

This was good. It had been far too long since they’d talked like this. It felt right, natural, as easy as slipping on old shoes. While Rachel was well aware the break had been necessary for her to nurse her emotions, she now realized how much she’d missed this. How much she’d missed her friend. This was so much better, now that she was through with the thought of chasing his heart (metaphorically speaking, though she’d heard rumors of the LGMs having added a beanbag heart to his inner workings just to be cheeky).

“So,” XR suggested, “as long as we’re here, and will be here for the forseeable future until everyone else manages to short-circuit NOSy…”

Rachel knew that was absolutely not the pleasure they’d be allowed, but she let him carry on without interrupting.

She hadn’t seen when, exactly, he’d retrieved the pack of cards; he flicked his hand and the entire deck was fanned out in it. “The usual?” he asked.

“Deal me in,” she replied. “Let’s…not put a wager on this one, though.”

“Deal.”

Her first card: a three. The second was a two. “Hit,” she decided, seeing XR’s seven.

As he handed her a card, she pointed out rather nervously, “So, we’ve…kinda been on a hiatus.”

“Yeah, and what’s with that?” XR asked, suspicion rising in his voice.

“I had some shit to work out,” Rachel said calmly. And if there was anything she’d learned after all this time, it was how to not clue him in by overreacting. Though, really, now that the drama was over, what was the harm in him knowing? “Might tell you later. I really just wanna know what’s been up with you.” A consideration on her cards. “Hit.”

“Me?” XR replied. “Oh, you know…just…” An overly dramatic sigh. “Contending with the scars of heartbreak. Trying to erase the memory of 42 from my hard drive. Being unable to purge it. …Mostly because if I forgot about her, I’d probably try to go after her again, and boy, would that be awkward.” The look of suspicion returned. “But this is what you didn’t wanna talk about.”

“I worked out my shit,” Rachel stated calmly. “It’s all good. You may proceed.”

“It’s just…for all my life, all the decades I’ve wasted – “

“You’ve barely been online for a year.”

“ALL THE DECADES I’VE WASTED, I’ve been chasing one woman after another. Why? Who knows, really? The thrill? The allure of wanting everything I couldn’t have?”

“This sounds suspiciously like lines you stole from a trashy romance novel,” Rachel pointed out.

Without acknowledging that statement, XR went on; “And my nonexistent heart truly beat for no one, until I found her, and that was when I realized it didn’t just beat, but it bled – “

“THAT IS FROM MY FUCKING FANFICTION.”

The reply she received was a metallic wink. She stuck out her tongue in retaliation.

“But seriously,” XR condensed, “42 is the first woman I ever wanted to actually commit to. And you’d think I’d like being free of what a lesser man might call the ‘ball and chain,’ but the usual routine just doesn’t do it for me anymore. We were going to be partners. And I really, REALLY wanted that. I can’t just go back to throwing out bad pickup lines at every pretty face now that I know what being happy with someone REALLY feels like!” He paused. “Hit or no?”

It took Rachel a minute to realize he was referring to the game. She surveyed her cards. “Hit.”

“You have something really low under there.”

“You would know. You probably dealt me what you did on purpose.”

“Actually,” XR said, matter-of-fact, “I turned my algorithms off completely for this one. I’m playing on luck and risk evaluation.”

“So you’re saying you don’t have a perfect 21.”

“I am saying I MIGHT have a perfect 21. You have no idea. But if I have a perfect 21, it didn’t get that way on purpose.”

Rachel took the final card, nodded, and lay it down. “Done.”

“There’s a pretty good chance you won this.”

Rachel flipped up her cards, showing a total of 19. “Pretty sure I did win this.”

“Well, what do you know?” XR remarked. “I turn off my algorithms, I give you a fighting chance – “

He turned up a 20.

“ – and you still lost.”

“Dammit!”

As the cards were reshuffled, Rachel asked, “What was she like? I mean, what did you like about her? I never really got to know her that well.” Maybe now she should, now that she’d sorted everything out. Put the final nail in the coffin and befriend 42, who it sounded like Rachel could get along with anyway. Once Rachel could act mature around 42 and not feel hurt, she would know it was all over, and all three of them would be free. Though, now that she thought of it, it probably wasn’t a good idea to bring up XR’s ex and ask him to describe her. “But if you don’t wanna talk about her, I get – “

“She was more radiant than a thousand suns,” XR was already waxing poetical. “Bitter, at first, but that was part of the allure. There’s just something about kicking off a relationship with a good old-fashioned trading of insults that makes you feel alive. She was a CLASSIC romantic, too. A walks-on-the-beach kind of person. Yes, yes, I know she couldn’t WALK at the time, but that didn’t stop her, which just goes to show how much of a dreamer she was. But most of all, when I looked into her pixelated eye graphics, I felt like she KNEW me inside out, and I thought for the briefest moment that I knew her. Though, boy, did I have her wrong. She needed to fly free while I wanted to latch onto her like a remora. She wanted to touch the sky. I wanted to invest in a tandem bicycle. She wanted adventure. I wanted what I am realizing is a series of incredibly mixed metaphors.” The cards, he remembered. Two for him, two for Rachel.

She peered at her hidden card, hardly registering it as she asked, “If you could have the woman of your dreams, now that you’ve been with 42…what would she be like?”

“Well, she’d have to have a sense of humor,” XR mused. “This isn’t a REQUIREMENT, but if our relationship evolved out of a playful rivalry, that’d be bonus points. Somebody who’d go for a romantic night on the town, maybe dancing at the less shady clubs in Trade World, which are still pretty shady, but look better by comparison of what they’re next to. Someone who’d actually want to be on my team so we could be together all the time. And, of course, it wouldn’t hurt if she worshipped the ground I rolled on.”

Rachel stared at him, dumbfounded.

“I’D DO THE SAME FOR HER,” XR said defensively, thinking Rachel was floored by the selfishness of the last qualification. “If she was the right one, she’d be nothing short of ethereally beautiful, and I would let her know that every hour, on the hour. You could time me.”

Rachel doubted that was literal, but she understood the sentiment. She condensed what XR had told her, just to be sure she had it right: “So you want someone who started out bantering with you, would become your friend and think everything you did was hot shit, laughed at your jokes, TOLD bad jokes, went along with you on pretty much every adventure, and would love to be taken out dancing on Trade World.”

“Yes. Is there something wrong with that?”

He couldn’t really be that oblivious.

Except he was XR. He actually was that oblivious.

“No,” Rachel said. “I hope you find the woman of your dreams.”

If he’d managed to describe her perfectly, and he’d still never thought of her as an option, then the coffin really was closed.

“Your turn,” XR said rather smugly.

“Huh? Oh. Hit – “

“Nooooo,” XR corrected, singsong, “I want to know what YOUR perfect guy is like.”

“My perfect guy?” Rachel repeated, fiddling with the face-up card in her hand. “Well, I mean…I used to have this laundry list of requirements. You’re gonna love this, but back when I was growing up on Capital Planet, I actually thought I’d only ever be into humans.”

A dramatic gasp from XR that Rachel wasn’t sure about: real or exaggerated?

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she brushed off. “Miss Inclusivity thinking she’d only ever go for a human. But I had a thing for guys with black hair. Raven fucking black. I was pretty much into your standard skinny white boy package. You can fill in the blanks. After I grew up a little, I realized that attraction could come in more than one exact body type, so my list got less physical and more about personality. Moral paragon, musical connoisseur, had to bolster my self-esteem…maybe be willing to play my therapist a little and remind me that I’m pretty when I don’t believe it…or, you know, all the time…”

“And you think I’M selfish for wanting a woman to be enchanted by me,” XR said in a tone of mock disappointment.

“You are,” Rachel argued, “but I never said I wasn’t, now, did I? The thing is…where I am now, less and less things matter.”

“Fewer?” “What?”

“Whenever I use the word ‘less’ like that in my reports,” XR reminded her, “you change it to ‘fewer.’”

“You KNOW I don’t give a shit when I’m TALKING OUT LOUD.”

“‘Biek’ wasn’t out loud.”

“WILL YOU LET THAT GO?” She did love this routine. “Anyway, FEWER and FEWER things mattered until it kind of just boiled down to one thing. If he’s someone I can get along with, someone who makes me feel like we get each other and can have each other’s backs, and we have a lot of fun together, then, if a spark happens, which it very well might, I’ll give him a shot.” A pause. “Oh, and also, he can’t want to have sex with me. That part’s important.”

XR took a minute to process this before saying, “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“You have REALLY got to raise your standards.”

“Trust me, I told myself the same thing SO many times.”

“Why would you – “ It clicked. “OHHHHHHHH. You had a thing for someone. You had a thing for someone RECENTLY. I knew it. I KNEW it!” XR pointed at Rachel proudly.

“It’s not Booster,” Rachel sighed out of habit.

“I figured that out,” XR said proudly. “You didn’t have the chemistry I thought you had with him at all. Which is probably good, since I still have no idea how old he is.”

“The thing is,” Rachel admitted, “I kinda realized I had to…get over this guy. And now that it’s all over, I think…maybe I can actually tell you. Let you add this to your list of blackmail material you have on me.”

“Would I ever blackmail you?” “Evan already knows. He read it in my head. You telling him who I like will have literally no effect.”

XR pretended this didn’t bother him for a full ten seconds before muttering, “Dagnabbit.”

“You’re gonna get a good laugh out of this, though,” Rachel said with a smile. “I used to have a huge…crush…on…”

Why was it suddenly so hard to say? Was it just out of hesitation, knowing that he’d lord this over her for fun? But he knew, now, where the limit was. She trusted that. Her throat seemed to dry up all the same, and her heartbeat was now strong, the feeling of it pulsing in her neck. After keeping this secret for so long, it was finally coming to light, and perhaps that was why this was as difficult as it was.

“I appreciate the atmosphere of suspense you’re cultivating here,” XR told her, “but I kinda need to know the answer already.”

“I – sorry,” Rachel squeaked, clearing her throat. “Okay. The punchline of my life is that this whole time, I’ve secretly been into – “

“BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!” XR cried all of a sudden.

“…What?” Rachel replied incredulously.

“That…explains…EVERYTHING!” XR realized. “He talked you into accepting life on Team Lightyear really easily. You didn’t want him to go out with Bonnie Lepton because you wanted him for yourself! But you couldn’t tell him because after the Plasma Boy incident, you thought you’d be pressuring him into a relationship he didn’t want! What a plot twist! You arguing so hard to get me to help you bring him back if he ever went loco, your obsession with his sexier evil clone showing up everywhere, your feeling like the only rookie who didn’t earn his respect – it all fits! How did I not see this before? Oh, the tragedy! Oh, the star-crossed fate!”

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” Rachel said, deadpan.

XR took a moment to study her face. “You’re putting on an awfully cool cover if I’m right.”

“That’s because it’s not a cover, and also, if I was going to tell you it was him in the first place, I wouldn’t be putting on a cover now.”

“True, true…” XR relented. “Okay, proceed.”

Rachel heaved a deep breath. “The guy I had a thing for is – “

“WARP DARKMATTER!”

Rachel leaned the back of her head against the metal wall, thudding it several times consecutively.

“You said it yourself,” XR reminded her. “You have a thing for guys with black hair. And probably black souls to match. You wanted yourself some of that bad boy action, but he would NEVER have eyes for you!” If Rachel wasn’t mistaken, XR’s eye-lights were misting slightly.

“IT’S NOT WARP DARKMATTER,” she groaned. “Are you gonna let me tell you or not?”

“…Okay, it’s obviously not Warp Darkmatter,” XR realized. “Then who could it be…?”

“Try someone a little less…tall,” Rachel urged him. “And…conventional.”

She waited to see if he’d guess, but he simply made a “hmm” noise of deep thought.

“Someone who always has to have the last word?” Rachel prompted. “Someone…not human.”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down…”

“Someone who thinks he’s hot shit.”

“That eliminates a few more of the obvious candidates…”

After waiting a little longer for XR’s next guess and not hearing it, Rachel sighed one more time. “The person I had a thing for – “

XR’s jaw dropped. “NO.”

She knew he had it. “Yes.”

“All this time – “

“Yup.”

“For a YEAR – “

“Yyyyyyup.”

“I KNEW it was suspicious how you were always defending him!” XR proclaimed. “No one in their right mind would try to paint him as a misguided good guy unless she was head-over-heels for him!”

Or maybe he didn’t have it. “…I don’t think we’re talking about the same person here.”

“And you always were fascinated by that molting thing, and, let’s face it, he OBVIOUSLY wouldn’t do the do the way humans do – “

“ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT EON?” Rachel screamed in newly ignited horror.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH POTENTIAL HE HAS FOR GOOD!” XR reminded her.

“IT’S NOT! FUCKING! EON!”

“And thank whatever deity exists for that,” XR said with a sigh of relief.

“All right,” Rachel groaned, “you’re done guessing.” Though, as usual, XR’s sheer airheadedness combined with his lack of vocal filter had done its magic. She was no longer nervous, her heartbeat quelled. Playful frustration lent her confidence. “I’m gonna tell you. And you’re gonna listen.”

“Okay. No more interruptions. We cut to the chase this time.”

“The person I liked,” Rachel said slowly, deliberately, “was…hey, how about you give me a drumroll?”

XR rose to the cue, rapidly tapping his fingers on the metal wall so the sound reverberated.

Rachel put out an arm dramatically. “And the lucky man is - !”

“Hey, guys!” Mira said from behind Rachel as her upper half phased into the vent.

She’d meant to ask what Rachel and XR were doing hanging out in an air vent, but the question died on her lips immediately, for the moment she’d appeared, she’d startled them both so badly that they were now screaming bloody murder, instinctively shooting to each other to cling onto each other’s bodies chastely but tightly.

It really was a shame they hadn’t worked out, Mira thought; they were a cute couple. A cute couple of dorks, to be specific.

“So, uhhhh, we’re going on patrol,” Mira said once the screaming had died down, “and it’s kind of a whole-team thing.”

“Actually,” XR said from his position locked within Rachel’s grip, “we had a better plan. You, Buzz, and Booster are really more skilled at the whole ‘vampire-hunting’ thing, and this Parsec guy seems like a real…vampire slayer. You know ‘em when you see ‘em, and he’s one of ‘em. Now, Rach and I, we are REALLY good at guarding these air vents and making sure nothing gets in the base through them, so we’re just going to stay right here and – “

“Uh-uh.” Mira shook her head. “Not a chance.”

“I just want it on record that staying in here was completely his idea,” Rachel said flatly, XR’s arms still locked around her.

“I know it’s dangerous out there,” Mira pointed out, “but danger is what we signed up for when we became space rangers. It’s our job – “

“To do dangerous things so no one helpless has to deal with them,” Rachel sighed. “I know. Come on.” She disentangled XR from her arms, waiting for him to do the same – which she now needed him to do for more reasons than one.

For when they’d grabbed onto each other, her heart had leapt with excitement. She had thought she’d done a thorough job of murdering her feelings for him. But it wasn’t over at all. It was a good thing Mira had come along when she’d done so, because if she’d clued XR in while she still had feelings for him –

“You can let go now,” she told him gruffly, even though she didn’t want him to, not ever again.

She didn’t miss the light tremble in him as he got as much distance from her as he could in the cramped vent, his arms now to himself. “All right,” he said with a bravado-laden tone, “I’m nothing if not a team player.”

“That’s a laugh,” Mira teased.

“But if I get torn to shreds out there,” XR told Mira, arms folded, “you’re the one paying for my reconstruction.”

“Done and done,” Mira said with a nod.

“Wait a – “ XR did a double take. “You said that like you are VERY SURE I’m going to get shredded.”

“Uh, yeah, we’re leaving in five minutes,” Mira said before vanishing through the bottom of the vent.

“Let’s do this,” Rachel said resignedly, making to head out of the vent. Then: “Um…you should probably lead. You’re the one with lights.”

“You got all the way in here without lights.”

“I ran into a LOT of walls. I have bruises.”

There was enough room for them to switch positions, but due to the curvature of the walls, it did involve XR temporarily skidding on the side of the wall and Rachel losing her balance completely and falling with a thud. Eventually, they were arranged in a procession of some dignity, XR now out front to light the path while Rachel crawled on hands and knees behind him.

Yet XR didn’t move, standing stone-still. Or attempting to, anyway. His nervous shaking was now visibly apparent, even in the dim light.

“XR?” Rachel said softly.

“What?” he replied quickly. “Oh, no, no, yeah, I’m fine – “

“I know what you’re thinking about,” Rachel informed him. “All that stuff you told me. I know you’re afraid of what he can do to you.”

“Look, I don’t wanna go over it again and get it in my head right before any of it could ACTUALLY HAPPEN,” XR spat.

“Just…do me a favor and look at me first.”

He trusted her, and so he spun, treads still pointed forward but the rest of his body rotating to face Rachel.

She dared to place a hand on either side of his helmet, telling him, “Look me in the eye,” as she did the same to him –

Then she recoiled with a loud “AGH, FUCK!”

Staring a robot in his brightly illuminated eyes was a bad idea, it turned out.

“Can you turn down the brights?” Rachel grunted, eyes shut tight.

“Heh…yeah…sorry about that…aaaaand you’re clear.”

Rachel eased one eye open to test the environment. She could now just make out the lines of XR’s face, his eyes dimmed to the softest glow. Opening her eyes completely, she became aware that the spots of dark green and magenta swimming in her vision from the accidental bright-light exposure were stunning even in the dark. They were, however, temporary. “Now look me in the eye for real,” Rachel commanded, gently.

Her hands hadn’t left him. He looked to her with a now-obvious vulnerability that she knew he hated showing.

“I can’t promise anything for sure,” she said as she fixed her gaze directly on his. “NOS is a badass, and I am a fucking wimp. I’m probably going to lose whatever fight I get in. So I can’t say I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, because knowing my luck, I’ll try, I’ll get fucked up, and you’ll need a backup plan. But you KNOW how I feel about letting you get hurt, no matter how many times you can get rebuilt. When we get out there, stay close to me. Because I’m going to do my ABSOLUTE DAMNEDEST to try not to let anything bad happen to you. I promise.”

Dead serious, he said, “You sound like you’re going to try and fight an energy vampire mono-a-mono to stop me from getting a few paint scratches.”

“Yes. Because that’s what I fully intend to do. I will fight him. I know I cannot win, but I will fight him.”

A pause. “What do you want outta this? Your next order at Cosmo’s is my treat?”

Rachel flinched, disgusted with the insinuation; “I’m not going to protect you because I want you to OWE me – “

“I’m not saying you are. I’m OFFERING.”

“Oh.” So that was it. “This is free, okay? You’re already helping me cover up my anxiety stuff and – and you make me smile all the time, so there’s that. But you need to let me do this for you. Because I – “

Could she do it, now? Tell him the absolute truth?

“ – I have a lot of friends,” she concluded, “but none of them are quite like you. You’re my best friend.”

That was, absolutely, the truth.

“And I can’t – “ Here, she faltered. She was about to say those damning words, “lose you,” but then that would give him the idea that that was a real possibility, and even though it was, she didn’t want either of them to entertain it. She was silent for far too long, looking for the politically correct rephrase.

“Hey, you don’t have to finish that.” He actually sounded jovial; his teasing tone was more honest now, and Rachel could feel that somewhere along the line, he’d stopped shaking. She froze like a deer in headlights when she felt his hand wrap around her own on the side of the glass. “I know I rag on you all the time, and you rag on me, but I really lucked out with you, didn’t I? You’re the only one who does this. Gets all protective, I mean. And I get it. I get why. An adult robot outfitted with the latest and greatest Star Command technology SHOULDN’T need to have his back watched. And probably doesn’t, all considered. I mean, I’ve run into him THIS many times and I’m still here, soooooooo…”

“If you think you’ll be okay out there,” Rachel said, “then that’s good. You’re capable. You’re a rock star. I’m STILL going to look out for you out there, though. Whether you want me to or not.”

She twisted her hand as much as she could to be able to grasp his in return, firmly squeezing the metal, and this was probably going far too overboard, now that she realized how she still did feel, but as much as she liked the attention and the touch, she wasn’t doing this for that, she was doing this because knowing how afraid he was put cracks in her heart –

“Just stay with me,” she reiterated, hardly able to get the words out, voice almost inaudible.

“Fine,” XR teased, “but only ‘cause somebody needs to watch YOUR back out there.” She was starting to avert her gaze, her face falling from the gravity of the situation, and his free hand tapped her under the chin and lifted her head back up to see that he was now smiling with confidence that wasn’t falsely plastered on to hide the depths of fear, but rather shining through the ever-present fear. “Ya sap.”

That got her to laugh.

Mira’s echoing call of “FIVE MINUTES ARE UP!” from the entry to the vent labyrinth spurred them both to move. Following behind XR, Rachel knew she had a lot to think about. But the foremost thing on her mind was how she was going to make sure he was safe with NOS-4-A2 on the loose – something more easily done in fantasy than reality.

But as soon as his lights, now on full brightness, alerted her to the vertical shaft she’d nearly fallen down on her blind trip into the maze and missed out of pure luck, the foremost thing on her mind became that and processing the worst-case scenarios that hadn’t happened.

#selfship #electric love #xrach

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cats-thoughts · 2 years

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some notes on stickynote

and their currently unnamed friend! So, I based stickynote's wings off of Albatross! They're shorter and thicker, mostly for the sake of fitting on the canvas, but generally that's what their design is supposed to be! This is primarily because Albatross are known for their long flights over sea, and absolutely fuckin MASSIVE wingspan. Also for some reason I was under the impression that albatross were... like... seagull sized? THEY ARE NOT. THEY ARE LIKE TODDLER SIZED. I AM AFRAID OF ALBATROSS.

Unnamed friend is no longer unnamed! Their name is Cedar :]

They've been friends for a very long time! Of course, Stickynote can't really go into the ocean (no more than normal humans at least, and it doesn't like the water) and Cedar dislikes being on land, but, they meet at the edge and hang out every once and a while. Usually every four or five years. Which is why it took so long for Cedar to pop up like "hey where the FUCK is it?"

Just a little note about exactly how dangerous both of them are. I think Stickynote has a higher capacity for being dangerous, at least on land, but Cedar has a higher willingness. Stickynote will choose to flee rather than fight almost every single time, or at least try to find another way out before jumping to violence. (with a sentient being that is, if a monster attacks them or someone close to them they'll kick its ass) Cedar will joyfully leap right into biting someone at the first chance he gets. They've got sharp teeth for a reason after all! And that's just how the underwater goes.

Cedar has fish friends! Like a couple Remora (suckerfish) that follow him around and sometimes hitch a ride, and a few manta rays, other types of fish too but you'd have to ask Froglord I don't actually know a lot about the ocean I'm afraid of it lol. He leaves them when he goes on land but the seabirds seem to like them so, they aren't completely alone :] Stickynote has bird friends of many types but it has a particular fondness towards corvids (especially bluejays and crows) and canaries (cinnamon and green canaries are their favorites) and It also befriends stray cats!

In a race on land, Stickynote runs faster, easy. In a race in the water, Stickynote will still be at the start by the time Cedar wins. In a race where Stickynote flies and Cedar swims? Well, that's a close tie. Though Stickynote can fly at top speed longer than Cedar can swim at top speed, and in general in a race of endurance,,, yeah no Stickynote cannot be beaten in long-distance travel.

oh btw Stickynote: They/it Cedar: He/They

if they had a radio station together Cedar would play exclusively indie songs no one knows about and jazz and Stickynote would play literally anything with a good beat to it and little to no brass. If it vibes Stickynote'll play it. If it's even remotely popular Cedar will refuse to play it.

Cedar is relatively short btw. He's like 5'2. Stickynote is 5'8. It will cower behind him anyways.

#chatwithcat #stickynote :]#cedar! whoo!#otterverse?#i think too hard about my(our) silly little characters

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safestsephiroth · 7 years

Text

some thoughts about advertising, or: America Gothic

(”America Gothic” is not to be confused with “American Gothic”, a painting widely parodied by people who often have no idea why they’re parodying it, because they’re parodying a parody of a parody of a parody of a painting about how much the Dust Bowl sucked but this time it’s to sell something because irony is dead, we dragged it out into the back and beat it to death with a garden spade in time to be confused by the huge dust storms all over.)

I’ve never had any formal training in advertising but I’ve done an unhealthy amount of research into it (for someone who never planned to work in marketing) and I’ve noticed some consistencies.

1: Car salesmen (drawing from a sample size of four different US states, so not universal) are the absolute worst at advertising. I am almost positive that practically every local car sales ad I’ve seen was made by the car salesman themselves to stroke their ego, rather than sell their cars. There is a modern nobility (in the sense of inheriting a public role through the family) and one manifestation for certain is the car sales racket, and dear god does it show.

2: Apparently, women do not sell cars. Women sit next to men who sell cars, sometimes holding children they may or may not have produced with said men.

2a: (In case you can’t tell, I’m being sardonic.)

3: Annoying your customers doesn’t work long term. Companies that use ads that are extremely irritating are either guaranteed to survive and therefore have nothing to lose (Are local car salesmen prosperous enough to own multiple stores ever going to go away if the industry itself doesn’t change? I sincerely doubt it. They can advertise any way they want - people need a car, people will buy a car, and since every single fucking car salesman is a drill in the ears and a lit match in the eyes, they all are equal in the awareness of the tormented) or tend to take serious losses over the long term and end up issuing retractions and apologies, in extreme cases.

3a: Did you know that if you say that ~50% of the planet isn’t allowed to use your product, particularly if it’s the ~50% that most get shit on by advertising as an industry, it isn’t a good decision?

3b: Trying to hardcore pander to a gender identity isn’t particularly smart in general - there is such a thing as bad press, and one type of bad press is the bad press that has you hit with so much vitriol that Andy, the intern you have do all the work nobody else wants to do, gets a hernia trying to carry all the letters and you thank God you can fire him without having to pay anything because he’s too stupid to sue you, which, really, is why you hired him in the first place.

4: Your method of advertising must absolutely be altered to fit your given product or industry. “Where’s the Beef” is still remembered as an advertisement because it worked at the time as an indictment of the alleged lack of fulfilling hamburgers from the opposition. “Where’s the Beef” may be a good way to market other products (brass knuckles, baseball bats, golf clubs, switchblades, condoms[?]) but it is not a good way to market many other things (tampons, mouthwash, salads.)

4a: Speaking of salads, salads aren’t funny. And if your ad so perfectly mirrors other ads from other companies selling the same thing, and those ads mirror other ads selling the same thing, it’s time to change your goddamned advertisement, for fuck’s sake. Don’t end up on a masterlist making fun of you and your competition because all you accomplished is getting across that you and the rest are exactly the same. This is bad.

5: Marketing isn’t dying as an industry, marketing is massively changing as an industry. Traditional methods of marketing are no longer viable, and hamfisted attempts to shove those same advertising methods where they don’t fit are misguided.

5a: That being said, advertising is a remora riding the underbelly of the economy. It’s a bloated industry that can only be carried when money is being spent to support it. If nobody has money to buy something, then the ads dry up. No amount of television ads will significantly increase mansion sales.

5b: This is why food advertising is so pervasive and aggressive. You can’t force someone’s brain to tell them “You want a house” by showing them a picture of a mansion. You CAN force someone to think about the concept of eating, which, because our imperfect meat bodies leave much out of our direct control, can inspire hunger. And if they just saw a hamburger and want a hamburger they’re that bit more likely to get a hamburger.

5ba: Incidentally, if you show the viewer an attractive person wearing jeans to try to sell them jeans, you are far more likely to sell them on the idea that jeans are acceptable clothing for sex than you are that they should buy your jeans.

5baa: Sheep have never been used well in advertising.

5bab: Never, ever have your baby in a used car ad, dumbass. Literally no one who’s thinking about what car to buy gives a rat’s fetid asshole that the wife you don’t deserve popped out another child your ungrateful, worthless ass can use to sell cars. Or furniture, too, for some reason.

6: According to advertising, people in the united states military wear crisp and clean uniforms, ride/play with expensive toys, and save innocent people from the evils of empty rooms. Never have they ever fired a gun at an enemy. And every single one of them is happy to be there so they can go to college and replace their financial debt with a moral, psychological or ethical one.

6a: Or a medical one that, due to how the US is, doubles as a free financial burden, too.

6aa: I mean you can technically file for help from the VA. You can also burn ants with a magnifying glass, spray yourself in the face with a hose for a few hours, take up woodburning, or take up cannibalism. You can do anything, and the VA will tell you to shove a spiked whip straight up your ass regardless of what you do.

7: If your company made a Christmas advertisement and it’s old enough that baby boomers remember it, keep it. Forever. Forever and ever. Every single year, it’s our sworn duty as a country to perfectly imitate the ideal false vision of what Christmas was for white people in the 1950s and anyone who threatens to change that will be destroyed without trial.

7a: You are permitted to hire an uninterested popular musician in need of money to sing a Christmas song, sure, but it has to be a song sung at some point by either Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra, and if it isn’t you’ll go straight to Hell for your sin against Christmas.

8: The respect your brand will be given by people under the age of 40 is directly correlated to how many times you call it a “Brand”, how many social media networks they’ve already seen what your ad is referencing on, whether or not your ad thinks “the kids” will think it’s cool (if the answer is “yes”, then the answer is “no”) and many other factors.

9: If your audience senses a whiff of condescension, pull the plug. Nobody will buy your product if you’re calling them a fucking idiot while you sell it unless they have no other choice, and if they have no other choice then you’re wasting your money on the ad.

10: If your ad includes the word “Millennials”, regardless of context, regardless of message, regardless of what your product is, it will never sell to anyone who has ever thought of themselves as one. There are no exceptions to this rule.

10a: There are exceptions to every rule that has ever been made (including this one and that one), and the exception to this rule is that if your advertisement is not perceived as an advertisement, you’re golden.

11: The old wave of advertising was to lie about products to sell things. The next wave was to lie about how people would feel about products to sell things. The latest, greatest, surest-to-work way is also the hardest: Lie to people about the fact you’re trying to sell them something in the first place. The ad that works best is never known to be an ad at all. This is also true of the Devil, flagrant lies, murders and high treason.

12: “Someone else did it/is doing it” is not a justification. Even if you think you did it better. Sometimes, even if you actually are doing it better.

13: People complaining, in and of itself, isn’t the problem. People complain about everything. People complain about the weather, and yet it keeps doing whatever it wants and they rarely ever move. The problem is when they complain so much or so loudly they remember the complaint more than a few months, in which case you’re in deep shit.

14: There’s a window in which jumping on a bandwagon works. That window is wider or narrower based on how well you do it. Even if you do better than the starter of the train, it’s possible that won’t be enough if you took too long.

15: If your advertisement is funny, it banks some significant good will. This can easily backfire, especially if your advertisement thinks it’s funny but it isn’t.

16: At some point, someone may say: “Let’s make the ad a franchise!” Seeing as it’s best to rip a bandage off quickly to lessen the overall pain, these people must be shut down immediately. If they persist, termination is recommended.

16a: Do you remember how many failed attempts at a lasting ad franchise there have been? Do you? Do you remember?

16b: No, you don’t, because nobody does, because they were that bad. The closest anything comes to that is “hey, remember the Geico cavemen?” “Yeah, what a fucking trainwreck that shit was, god.” One good idea, sell it, move on.

17: If a product is good enough, they won’t have to market at all. You will only be making advertisements for products the target audience has never heard of, ever, or you’re going to be lying. You’re going to have to lie to tell the audience that what you’re selling is better than the competition across the board in every respect. And, again, it WILL be a lie, because if it weren’t then you wouldn’t have a job. The entire industry’s very existence, as it is, is predicated on the fact that if people were honest it would disintegrate overnight.

17a: If you can’t come to terms with this, I hear gardening is nice.

17b: Make sure you buy the more expensive dirt, though, because it was harvested from high-value property and the dirt from rich people’s front yards grows better plants.

17c: In all seriousness, if you try to raise a garden purely on bagged topsoil you deserve what comes next and no one will ever feel sorry for you.

18: You will never, ever be as successful as Debeers, Coca-Cola or Hallmark - and that’s okay. Audiences these days are too smart to fall for that level of lie, using that type of methodology, for those specific products.

19: Never, ever, ever, EVER put a price into your catchy jingle. Subway employees will be pestered about $5 footlong sandwiches for the next five years, despite this promotion having died out long ago.

20: Slave/underpaid labor means making sure nobody thinks about why your prices are so low.

20a: That being said, all you have to do is keep your mouth shut once it comes out, pay the news companies to shut their faces and let it go away. As long as your prices stay low, it’ll go away.

21: In the Adventures of Tom Sawyer, the titular character manages to convince his peers to pay him for the privilege of doing shitty work he doesn’t want to do and thank him for the opportunity. This is absolutely doable - just look at any Bethesda game. If you can swing this, you’re going to have so much money you can make a hang glider out of it that might keep you afloat longer before you descend straight to hell where you belong.

21a: A similar route’s possible, where you sell someone a product that doesn’t have any redeeming qualities but does have plenty of flaws by making it look vaguely aesthetically pleasing, paying people to use them and make them look good, and then instill in your audience the idea that if they get the thing they have the right to lord it over everyone else they know who hasn’t, regardless of how horrible the thing actually is. You’d be ripping off Steve Jobs, of course, but he did nothing but rip people off his entire career so really it’s more of an homage if anything.

22: In the end, nobody wins in advertising. Your name won’t be remembered as an advertiser, you’ll be reviled by people with souls and ethics and praised by people whose side of the fence you shouldn’t be happy to stand on. No major world religion will celebrate you (unless your untruth game is so strong you convince them to) and, ultimately, no divine being that anyone at all coherent would bother believing in will forgive you. Ultimately, no matter how good a liar you are, if you’re smart enough to really make it consistently big you’ll never truly, fully be able to bullshit yourself.

22a: But with enough money, you’ll probably be able to forget about that preachy stuff, right?

#marketing #james writes stuff that isn't poetry for much #I don't have a tag for this stuff #uhhh #james writes prose #james writes for humorous effect knowing that long text posts will never #ever #be read as much as he desperately hopes #james writes an incredibly cynical and nihilistic post #that no one will respect him more for #and then questions if it's a cry for help #because not even he can tell

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bluepenguinstories · 4 years

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Remoras Full Chapter XVII: Starry Night

What a wonderful thing humanity was! Such a grounded reality, where a human could look down and see dirt. Upward, that same human could see the sky. Beautiful and mystifying, day and night. Many sights awaited humanity, and even without sight, there was always something new to learn just around the corner.

That was why I was so glad to be human.

Many a day was spent on two legs, one foot in front of the other and a prayer every now and then. Such steps brought me to places with dirt roads, brick roads, sand, and roads with black, pressed stone and strange objects scattered around. Every road, every pathway, had such interesting things to see. Strange and beautiful sights to learn more about; tall brick and stone buildings. Straw and wood, ceramic tiles. Little signs written in languages I didn’t know, but would loved to have learned. Yet I never did. I continued to walk.

Each place I passed through had their own smells, aromas. Foul and sweet scents alike. I passed through gardens with beautiful shapes of petaled plants in colors I didn’t know the names of. Bright and dim alike, twists and turns. Little creatures which flew and crawled onto those plants. Moments would pass where I wondered if I could learn to be one of those little creatures, if I wasn’t already human. Learning all I could about what I was, that brought me greater fulfillment than anything else I took in.

Where I found myself was in a land of layered frost and soft, dew-filled grass. There were little bodies of water scattered about and the silhouette of a shimmering star in the sky. Deep breaths escaped from my mouth, and the rigid air drew its way in.

“Amen,” I whisked the word into the air once the image of a long, metallic structure came into view. Its doors were open and my sense of wonder took over as one step over the other, I found my way inside.

One step, then the next. That same process, repeated, until I found a room in which humans dwelt. My eyes orbited those still shapes in front of me, those same shapes that were so similar, and yet different to mine. Sprawled out, their eyes closed, and little movement or sound save for faint hints of breathing. I didn’t know what they were doing, but I wanted to learn.

One human – Aurora, (or Eos, but not Dawn, as I came to know her), was the first to open her eyes. I didn’t learn what she and the other two humans were up to. For all I knew, they could have been praying, just as I did, only in longer bursts.

Aurora taught me some wonderful things about being a human. There was still much more to learn, and I felt that the knowledge and experiences I gained was only a fraction of a series of other fractions of a whole when it came to human experience. Each new observation granted me a gift, and I couldn’t await for the next gift to arrive.

Which it did, in the form of a brave soul in the shape of someone with a similar stature as myself. She called herself “Tigershark,” a peculiar name, but as far as names went, all came with their own interesting origin. I was no exception.

If I had to have a theory on humans and names, it was that I had a name because people had to have a name. Like some prerequisite for existing. Whether one gives it to another, or one gives it to themselves, it appeared it was a necessary application. But then, the possibility of meeting someone without a name was a fascinating thought as well.

As for when that day would come, I didn’t know. Where I found myself a little after meeting Tigershark was not the spot I had stayed in for days, and instead was a place called a ‘diner’.

Everyone I knew from the Aurora Borealis Bandits was there, having wonderful conversations with one another. Aurora B herself, was slouched over her seat and her legs were up on top of the table. She and a few of her friends, (I believe their names were Alan, Ivan? Isaac? Ismark? Oh, there I was, forgetting names so soon even though I knew the importance of a name. The third one was Ezmeralda, that I knew) were huddled together and singing songs in unison. Aurora strummed on a little ukulele whilst doing so.

“Mama, just killed a maaaan –” Aurora started.

“– Mama, we all go to hell,” the rest sang after her, then she strummed real hard on her ukulele.

“Put a gun up to his head, pulled the trigger now he’s de-e-a-d,” she continued. Then more frantic strumming. I stood up and walked over so I could observe the others.

Aside from Aurora, her crew, and Tigershark, the others who occupied the diner were unknown variables. Earlier, when there was a great commotion outside, I caught a glimpse of the new faces: one stood tall and muscular beside the train with Tigershark. Another was shorter and held a knife. The last was someone else, similar to the first person in terms of size and shape, and held a long gun in her arms, aimed at one of those fascinating creatures.

At the moment, she sat at the far end of the diner, slumped over with her head rested on her arms. The purpose of doing so eluded me. There were few traits I could infer from her, but I was excited to learn more, as there was always something to learn from each human I met.

I tugged at her sleeve. She looked over and had a confused or curious look about her.

“What? Are you going to ask me if you know me from somewhere? That I look familiar to you?” Her voice was like a low groan, but it didn’t sound bad at all. I smiled and turned my head from one end to the other. For whatever reason she asked me that, I answered her with the only way I knew how.

“Quite the opposite. I find you interesting because you are new and I don’t know you yet,” I closed my eyes as I spoke. “Amen.”

“That’s just as bad. Trust me, it’s better not to know about me,” I believe her reply was also in earnest.

“It will be difficult not to be aware of your existence now that I have seen you, but if what you say is true, then I thank you for teaching me something so fascinating. Amen.”

I walked away and to my side I could see an outline of her, with her head turned, and mouthed the word “what.”

Tigershark was in the kitchen. It was the place where she made food. In time, I would like to be taught. Food was a fascinating thing, and even more so that someone would cook it. I didn’t know why humans ate, but it was a fun enough task every now and then.

One of the new faces had a small sheet of paper and a pen. She was the short one I spotted with the knife. Just a little taller in stature than me, and her hair was wavy green. When she spoke, she didn’t really sound very interested in the questions she asked. I found that most interesting.

“What will you be having?” She asked Aurora.

Aurora slammed her cup on the table and laughed herself into a wild fit.

“Another beer, for one! And this is a diner, right? Then how about some biscuits and grits? Sausage? Pancakes? I want it all!”

Those words I didn’t know, but in the context of the setting, I assumed they were food.

“Yeah. Sure. Just so you know, since there’s not a price for anything, you’ll be paying for the meal with the money you guys stole from us,” she informed them.

“What are you doing?” I asked her. She turned to me and looked startled. Frightened, even.

“I’m just taking people’s orders. Can I take yours?” She explained, and then I understood.

“So you’re part of her crew, too? And you wish to serve her?” I sought to confirm. However, her reaction was one that most surprised me; she leaned her head back and gave a look as if I said something most foul.

“No, if I were to want to serve anyone, it would be Re – forget it.” She walked off in a huff. Aurora called after her.

“Yeah, how ‘bout it, Demetria? Why don’t you ditch that loser Remora and join our crew? You’d have much more fun with us! It’d be more fulfilling, too!”

I looked over to the one who had ‘taken their orders’. Who Aurora called ‘Demetria’. She lowered her head and I heard her mutter something like “I just want to do my job.”

For the time being, I let her be. After all, there was one other who I felt compelled to introduce myself to.

At a booth right next to Aurora sat the tall strong lady who threw punches. I didn’t have to walk at all to interact with her.

“Y’know, now that you aren’t robbing from us, you ain’t half bad!” Her voice boomed and I swore when she smiled that I could see all of her teeth in full view. I didn’t quite know what it was humans needed teeth for, but the same could be said for any other creature. Why did some have tails? Why did a tree have limbs? There were little things that I might have been best not knowing.

“You either, Sunny! Speaking of, I’d be down for a fight sometime!” Aurora replied. “I’d love to see which of us is stronger!”

Rather than stand in place and ponder such a thing, I went for the option which would yield the most immediate answer: I crawled up on the booth and waved my hand in front of the woman’s face. She leaned back and let out a gasp. For what reason, I didn’t know.

Then, her apparent surprise turned to a smile.

“Oh hey! You’re Tigershark’s new friend, right? Astro, was it?”

I stared at her. I didn’t know what an ‘Astro’ was.

“No…” I whispered. “It wasn’t Astro. But perhaps it can be.”

“Hey, Astraea, what did I tell you about sneaking up on people like that?” Aurora scolded me.

It pained me to admit that I couldn’t remember if she had told me anything about sneaking up on people. If she did, it was probably something like, “only sneak up on people if you plan on stealing from them.”

I was in a little bit of a daze, as I struggled to remember what it was Aurora taught me, when the warm glow of Sunny’s voice pulled me away from my pondering.

“Aha! Astraea, right?” She snapped her fingers as she smiled her bright smile.

“Yes,” I looked down and smiled. “That is what I am called. Because as a human, I must have a name.”

What was but a simple statement on my part caused her to let out a chuckle, then a hiccup.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s how it works, huh?” She replied.

“And you? You are Sunny?”

“I am! Just a big ol’ sunflower!”

I nodded. “So you are a human sunflower. Interesting.”

I crawled back down. I could have stood in place and watched Sunny and Aurora have fun. I was already well aware that as soon as Aurora agreed to return to the diner, she and Sunny got along quite well and relayed tales of their exploits to each other. Then there was the drinking contests, which made me wonder if the reason people drank liquids was to compete with one another. After, there was the singing.

Rather than find out what fun the two could have next, a weary voice rang through my ears. My ears perked up and I turned to face the owner of said voice.

“You’re Astraea, right?” Demetria called toward me, less in an urgent manner and more of a groan. “Are you Aurora’s daughter?”

I sat down and gave it some thought. Maybe I could have given an answer if I knew the meaning of the word ‘daughter’.

“Maybe I am,” I replied, the words sailed off from my mouth.

Aurora then burst into laughter and slammed her cup back onto the table.

“Yeah!” She declared, and a grin had made its way onto her face. “I wouldn’t be surprised, anyway!”

“Oh, I don’t see the resemblance!” Sunny remarked. “But that’s okay! I’m sure you’re a good mom!”

“Nah! She ain’t my kid!” Aurora waved her hand away.

“Maybe I’m everyone’s daughter…” I considered.

Sunny, with her arm slung over the top of the booth called over to Demetria.

“Say hun, why’d you think Astraea was Aurora’s daughter?”

That too was an answer I was eager to hear.

“Because, Aurora is the Roman equivalent of the Greek goddess Eos, who had many children, one of them being Astraea,” Demetria explained. Then she added, as if an afterthought, “my mom’s big into that stuff so she used to tell me those things against my will.”

“Ha! So that’s your problem, huh? You’re getting fiction and reality mixed up!” Aurora roared her response, then turned back into laughter. But maybe I thought I heard, whether she said it aloud or I imagined it, “then again, crazy how Eos was my birth name.”

“Right. I know what’s fiction. I just thought it was too much of a coincidence,” came Demetria’s reply.

“ORDER’S UP!” Rumbled the thundrous voice of a Tigershark from the vicinity of the kitchen. Demetria got up from her seat and let out a heavy sigh.

“That’s my cue,” she mumbled.

I watched as she headed toward the kitchen. Her head was lowered and it was only for a brief moment when she was almost at her destination that she glanced in the direction of another: the one at the far end who told me that it was better not to know her. But that glance came and went and she lowered her head once more.

“Perhaps fiction can also be reality,” I thought aloud.

“You know what? I’ve thought the same thing at times,” Sunny stated. I caught her fixated on the cup in her hands as she swayed it from one end to the other. “How the past is just a fabrication of reality, and so is the future. But while the present is the closest thing to reality we have, we don’t get to hold onto it for very long.”

Those words...I really did learn something new!

“Amen,” I replied.

“Ha! You’re drunk!” Aurora told Sunny.

“Yes, that I am,” Sunny’s voice in that moment reminded me of my own. She smiled, and her head swayed just like she swayed her cup.

After that mysterious creature ran off, I had no more reason to be outside, and thus, I went back into the train and sat in the spot where I stayed.

It would have been a lie to say I wasn’t at least a little bit curious about what was going on outside, but I was satisfied just to know there was still so much out there to learn. Tigershark was a pleasant surprise, so were those creatures, and so then, what else would I be surprised by?

As it turned out, much. When Aurora returned, she stopped by my spot and informed me of something most grand.

“Just so you know, not that it really affects you, but we’re going back to that diner. It just so happens that no one in my crew knows how to cook –”

“Do you?” I asked.

“– Don’t interrupt me! Anyway, as I was saying, no one in my crew knows how to cook, and that kid, loathe as I am to admit, does. So we’re gonna make her feed us again, even if that means going back to that place

“I wish you the best of luck,” I told her. Just as I often did.

So the train moved once again. Headed toward the place known as a ‘diner’. I didn’t know what that was, but I knew Tigershark came from such a place, and Tigershark may already be there by the time we got there. I became overwhelmed with a feeling of excitement.

Once the train stopped once more and I saw everyone run out, that feeling only grew. Yes, I could stay in the same spot where I always sat, or I could find out what was inside such a place. The answer became clear, and I picked myself up, whispered a little prayer to myself, and put one foot in front of the other.

Soon each step on the metallic surface changed to the soft soil of the outside world. Then, I crossed the threshold once more, through the door of what had been referred to as a ‘diner’. Upon opening the door, the wind invited itself in along with me, and I couldn’t help but be carried with it, a cool chill against my hair. With it, I was gifted with a smile upon my face.

There was a smell in the air, of burnt logs and the aroma of cooked food. Overpowering it was the sound of chatter between the Aurora Borealis Bandits and the one who I came to know as Sunny.

Right behind the table where Aurora and a few members of her crew sat was the one who had pointed that weapon on the poor creature. Just like she would continue to be, her head was on her hands, with the rest of her leaned over the table.

“So the bank manager was all, ‘we’re call the authorities’ and then I shot the phone out of his hand and declared, ‘I’ll be the authority on that one!’ You should’ve seen his face! Ha!” Aurora boasted.

“Oh dear, that reminds me of Ray and I’s third anniversary. We really didn’t expect that mansion to have such high security!” Sunny recalled.

The whole crew laughed along.

“Sunny, you must do something about these guys,” the slumped one groaned. “They’re really quite a bother. Need I remind you they already stole from us?”

“Oh ho ho! I get it! You’re one of those dark and brooding types!” Aurora, rather than Sunny, responded.

“That’s not it. I just don’t like noisy people…”

“You need to get a grip! Live a little! We’re already going to give you guys back your goods, so lighten up!” Aurora smiled ear to ear, something which I hadn’t seen from her in quite some time.

“Ugh…” Growled the serious one.

So far it seemed like no one had noticed me. That wasn’t a problem for me, as I often liked to be the silent observer more than anything else.

Then I spotted Tigershark, who walked over to the subdued dark haired lady.

“What’s wrong?” Tigershark asked her.

“I’m fine. I just don’t like high energy or noisy people, and right now there’s a lot of it. It gets to me. I’ve always been this way. Whenever I’d go to a tavern, I’d try to sit as far away from everyone else. For the most part, it worked, but every so often someone would try to approach me and that was the worst thing,” the woman told Tigershark. It seemed they had a sort of connection.

“Why aren’t you doing that now, then? You can just move seats,” Tigershark told her, and then the woman looked up and looked around.

“I forgot that was an option…” Then she sighed and added, “I think I wanted to give being near others a try, but no, I can’t do it.”

Tigershark moved over and I saw the woman shift in her seat and get up, then walked over to the far end of the room and sat down there. I watched as she went right back to the same position she was in before, as if nothing had changed aside from her placement.

I intended to speak with each new face and learn as much as I could about their lives as humans, but for the time being, I sat and allowed everything to go on. As if nothing would have changed whether I was there or not.

Of course, when Demetria returned with the food Aurora ordered, everyone was well aware of my presence. Well, almost everyone.

I watched as Aurora shoveled food into her mouth. Yes, I saw her chew and swallow, as well. Just as she had taught me so long ago. Amen. Then, Tigershark emerged from out of the kitchen and ran over to me.

“Hey! I didn’t know you’d be here, too, Astraea!” Tigershark’s excitement could be heard through her voice.

I stood back up.

“I am!” I replied, and then she went up to me and put her arms around me. Surprised, I asked her what she was doing.

“It’s a hug!” She told me.

I closed my eyes and smiled.

“I see. How interesting.”

Tigershark let go and a joyous expression remained on her face.

“It’s good to see you again!”

I nodded. “And you. Amen.”

Sunny then turned toward me and she seemed fixed on an earlier subject.

“Say, Astraea? Did your parents name you, or did you give yourself that name?” Sunny inquired.

“Neither. It means ‘starry night’.”

“Oh, like the painting!”

“I’m sorry,” I informed her. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Oh, well, it’s like a drawing, except like...hmm...I don’t know if I’m sober enough to explain.”

I nodded.

“Well, anyway,” the dilemma of explanation appeared to have been mended. “How did you come about such a name?”

Ah. I believed I understood at last.

“The first utterance of such a name…” I closed my eyes as I focused on the recollection. “It must have been about a few thousand years ago. Not my first memory as a human, but early on in my existence. I had wandered into a town late at night, and someone ran up to me and asked what I was doing out so late at night. I didn’t understand what they meant, so I told them, in their language, that I was walking. They then asked who I was, and so I pointed at the night sky. There was an audible gasp, and then they said ‘Astraea’.”

“Wait, hold up –” Aurora leaned forward. “What’s this about thousands of years? I thought you’ve only been around for 18!”

I nodded. “They have not been sequential years.”

Aurora scrunched up her face and shook her head. “Never mind, I think I’m too drunk to understand!”

“Well,” Sunny leaned forward, still interested. “I may be drunk, but I’d like to know what you mean.”

“It’s simple: some years I’ve existed in have been far ahead, while others, far behind. I’ve visited the 19th century, and the 15th, and now I am here.”

“I see! I think if I got to experience years that way, I’d love to make plenty of memories.”

“Do you not?” I wondered. “Isn’t that how it is for humans?”

To my surprise, she shook her head.

“Not for any that I know, no.”

“I see. How do you experience them?”

“Well, let’s say...there’s this year, then the next year is this one, plus one, and I’m there that year, too. As long as I’m still alive next year, anyway. I was here the year before, too.”

Her explanation was intriguing but as a human, I had to abide.

“I see. Then the next year for you will be the next year for me as well.”

“Cool!” She made her fingers into a weird shape. Like a sideways L. “Can’t wait!”

But those words made no sense. She would have to wait. As would I if I were to experience life the way any other human did.

Tigershark then blinked and looked over.

“Hey, is Demetria okay?” She asked us all. Or maybe just Sunny. For I knew that I had no answer to her question.

Sunny looked over as well, but just like Demetria earlier with that dark haired woman, it was more of a quick glance.

“I don’t know, kiddo,” she told Tigershark. “She’s just been like that since she woke up. Why don’t you try asking her yourself?”

“OK!” Tigershark grinned and ran over to the table where Demetria had chosen to sit at. I followed Tigershark as I wished to learn more as well.

She sat in much the same way that the other one at the opposite end sat; except in Demetria’s case, her face was buried into her arms, so all that could be seen of her head was her hair.

“Hello! Earth to Demetria!” Tigershark leaned in close and yelled when she could have just whispered.

“She is already on Earth, along with us,” I informed Tigershark.

“No, it’s an expression!” Tigershark corrected me.

“A smile is an expression. So is a frown.”

“That’s just what people call it! I don’t know why, either!”

Demetria lifted her head just a little.

“What do you guys want?” She asked in that same weary voice I heard from her earlier. “No one wants to order anything right now, do they? Can’t I take a break?”

“Of course, but I’m worried about you,” Tigershark replied.

“Why? What do you have to worry about? You’re just a kid.”

Tigershark puffed up her cheeks and scowled. Because of the image, I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t.

“So what? Tell me what’s wrong!”

Demetria set her head back down and although muffled, I heard her say:

“Isn’t it obvious? I wanted to help out, and I thought I was doing a good job, too, but…”

“I can’t hear you,” Tigershark told her.

To that, Demetria shifted her head to the side, so that one eye and half of her nose poked through.

“What does it matter? Can’t I be a burden in peace?”

“If I don’t get to, neither do you,” Tigershark crossed her arms as she gave her response.

That made Demetria scowl as well.

“Look, it was all going fine until I fainted. All because I saw something that no one else saw, probably because it wasn’t there. No, it wasn’t just that. I freaked out when I shouldn’t have. I made a fool of myself like I always do and let Remora down and because of that, Sunny had to carry me back.”

“Remora?” I asked. I heard that word once before, from Aurora, but I didn’t ask then.

Tigershark pointed over to the dark haired woman at the other end of the diner.

“She’s the one way over there!” Tigershark told me. “She’s not bad, but a little weird sometimes.”

I nodded. So that was the name assigned to her. Remora.

“Do you think she’s mad at you?” Tigershark asked Demetria.

“Wouldn’t blame her if she was,” Demetria muttered.

“I’ll go ask her!”

“Don’t do that,” Demetria told Tigershark. But by then, Tigershark had already walked off.

“Damn it,” she shook her head. “I was hoping not to be an embarrassment for at least a little while.”

I didn’t know what that meant, but I decided to follow Tigershark. Before I made it very far, I heard Demetria say.

“Just what are you, really?”

I didn’t know if it was addressed to me or another. Since I didn’t know for sure, I chose not to answer.

Although Tigershark was further ahead than me, I heard the exchange before I could make it over. As quiet or loud as it was, noise carries far. Like the creak of a floorboard, or the howls of the wind.

“Demetria thinks you’re mad at her,” Tigershark initiated the conversation.

“Why would she think that? It’s true she can be annoying sometimes, as well as confusing, but she’s not bad enough to warrant anger,” Remora’s voice had hints of confusion, as well.

“Because she fainted!”

“I’m not mad. I just think she should have prepared better.”

“She said she saw something that no one else saw, too!”

“Yes, I didn’t see what she described. I’m not sure what that was about, either. One possible explanation could be that the extreme temperatures made her hallucinate, but other strange things have been happening. Like those creatures. So I don’t want to dismiss her claims outright unless I know for sure that it was nothing.”

“So you mean...um…?” Tigershark didn’t seem to understand. Indeed, there were a few things I didn’t as well. Few, or many.

“I’m frustrated that I don’t fully understand, but I’m not mad. That’s all.”

“What about you?” Tigershark asked, and I saw her hands balled into fists, as if the answer was of an urgent matter.

“What do you mean?” Answered Remora. Wise answer, indeed.

“Are you good? You look down, too!”

“I’m just the same as I always am. I just look this way when I sit, I guess.”

“Oh yeah! That’s true!”

Tigershark then ran toward me.

“Good news, Astraea! Remora said she’s not mad!”

“Yes, I heard,” I let her know.

“Let’s go tell Demetria!”

We headed back. Lucky for us, Demetria hadn’t moved at all from where she sat.

“Remora told me she’s not mad!” Tigershark delivered the news.

Demetria lifted her head and sat up. She still didn’t look too happy for what should have been great news. Her eyes were half open and she didn’t smile.

“Thanks, but I can’t help but feel like I let her down,” she said at last.

“You didn’t,” I assured her. For that, I was certain.

“How do you figure?” She asked me.

“Because you didn’t pick her up. You first have to lift someone up in order to let them down.”

Demetria put her palm up to her face and shook her head.

“I don’t know why I bothered,” she groaned. Then, it looked like a struggle to do so, but she managed something of a smile. “Still, if anyone’s going to lift anyone up, I’d want it to be her lifting me.”

“Yay! You’re dumb again!” Tigershark cheered. “Er...I mean funny!”

“What?!” Demetria spat out. “Whatever, at this point I’ll take it.”

“I like you more when you say silly things!”

“I’m not really trying most of the time, it just comes out that way.”

Then, all three of us looked around. Well, I looked around because the other two were.

“By the way, where did Remora go?” Demetria asked.

“Probably back to her room,” Tigershark answered. “She said she doesn’t really it when it’s noisy.”

“I see. So some people don’t like it when there’s a lot of noise,” I noted. As long as there was more to learn in my current setting, I had no reason to depart.

“Can’t say I blame her,” Demetria said as well. “If I didn’t have to be out here as part of my job, I’d probably be in my room right now with my headphones in and chilling to some orchestral music.”

“By the way, what did you see earlier?” Tigershark asked Demetria. In response, Demetria’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth, but then shook her head.

“It doesn’t really matter. There probably wasn’t anything there.”

For what it was worth, I felt a few words of encouragement come to me, and I just had to dispense them.

“Don’t worry, I believe you saw something,” I told her.

“You do?”

“Yes,” I closed my eyes and smiled. “Because I don’t know everything that humans are capable of seeing.”

“...How do I keep falling for this?”

I walked about the room. There was still much more to take in. Few details of the diner stuck to me. Perhaps I could focus once more on the fog on the windows, how the glass had cracks in a few places. Or how the ceiling lamps which hung above each table were covered in cobwebs. There was also the smoothness of the floor, and how clean everything looked, despite the mess underneath Aurora’s table, as well as a few spots underneath other tables.

But no. Despite how fascinating it all was, I just couldn’t focus on what made it what it was. So I elected once more to sit in the middle of the room.

After a while of commotion, Aurora and her gang decided it was time to head off. I heard, but I dare not move. During the time when everyone had their fun, I had given some thought to a few things.

“Hey, aren’t you coming with us?” Aurora called.

I shook my head.

“I appreciate all that I have experienced with you guys, but I feel that I must venture elsewhere in order to learn more.”

“Fine by me, but I’ll sure miss having a good luck charm around!”

Those were her parting words. As for me…

I was ready to walk out the door and see where my own two feet would take me, but I was stopped by Sunny.

“Are you sure you want to go out there right now? It’s pretty cold out. Plus you never know when a blizzard might hit.”

I smiled.

“As long as I continue to pray and move one step in front of the other, I will be fine. Amen.”

Demetria was also next to Sunny and she asked me a question as well:

“Are you religious or something? What’s with always saying ‘amen’?”

Ah. Something which I could answer.

“My first memory as a human was seeing someone praying. I didn’t know why they did it, but it looked fun. After they said their prayer, they said ‘amen’. So, I figured that must be something humans do.”

“Not really. I mean, certain people do that, but they don’t do it like you do. Do you believe in a god or something?”

“I know no god,” nor did I know what one was.

“Well, maybe it’s better that way, I guess,” Demetria shrugged.

“Why is that?”

Demetria didn’t seem to have a good answer, but then said, “well, I guess it’s fine either way. Besides, you already share the same name as a goddess.”

“I don’t know what that is, either. Are those human things?”

“Err…” Again, Demetria struggled. “In a way? Also, why do you keep saying ‘human’ so much?”

“Because I am one,” I answered. “Amen.”

She shook her head. “For some reason, I’m not really sure about that one…”

Sunny put her finger on her chin and looked up, then said at last:

“Whatever you are, I still think you should stay the night here. Maybe the weather will be better tomorrow?”

Yes. That might have been wise. Or it may not have been. I didn’t know what good or bad weather was. I only saw different weather. Rain, sun, hail, snow, wind. Such nice scenery they produced, but I didn’t see what made them different from one another aside from aesthetic. Still, I put my hands together and decided to pray for my answer.

After a few seconds of silence, I said “amen” and then told her:

“It’s been decided. I must be fated to stay for tonight.”

“Good! I think that’s for the best!” Sunny grinned. Demetria, however…

“Where would she even sleep? I don’t want her in my room.”

Ah, a mysterious word.

“What is sleep?” I asked them.

“I ask myself the same question sometimes,” Sunny laughed.

“Tell me about it,” Demetria added. “Well, g’night. I’m gonna enjoy the silence of my room.”

So I was left alone with Sunny. Tigershark was somewhere. Not where I was. Maybe in another room.

“Where is Tigershark?” I asked Sunny.

“Oh, she’s probably with Remora. They share a room together,” she explained to me.

“I see.”

“As for you, you can stay the night with me, if you want. We’ve got a big bedroom upstairs.”

“There are stairs?” I pondered. Yes. I knew what those were.

“Yeah, c’mon! Follow me!”

So I did, and through a door in the back of the diner was a hallway. Through that hallway, there was a couple of chairs, as well as a desk. But as I looked around, I was at a crossroads.

“Aren’t you coming?” Sunny asked, and I looked over. She had chosen the path on the left.

On the far end of that path was a flight of stairs. Sunny opened a hatch on the ceiling, and then we ascended. Where we emerged was a large room with lots of objects all around the room. Boxes and dresser drawers, shapes of several things covered up by sheets and curtains. There was a dim glow to the room, and on a small dresser was a lamp. When I looked ahead back to those covered objects, I thought I caught a glimpse of darkness in the distance.

Next to the lamp was a thing called a bed, with four stakes on each end and a curtain over it. I remembered what a bed was because Aurora was in one when I met her. Although the purpose of such a thing eluded me.

“Here,” Sunny pulled out an object from underneath the bed: it looked like a caterpillar made of cloth, with a zipper in the middle.

“What is that?” I asked her.

“A sleeping bag,” she told me.

I still didn’t understand what the bag did.

“Can I sit on it?” I asked.

“Uh, sure? Go ahead. Anyway, good night.”

“That it is,” I agreed.

Sunny went into the bed and she laid down, a ritual which I never quite understood, other than it must have been a human thing.

“I may wander around,” I let Sunny know, just in case it were to happen. She might have wanted me to stay put, but I didn’t know if I had it in me to do so.

“Mm. Got some kind of wanderlust?” Her voice seemed to soften as she spoke.

I didn’t know how to answer. That was fine as well.

True to the information I gave her, after an unknown amount of time, I departed from Sunny and made my way back down the stairs. The halls had darkened. Each room I passed, I tried to open the door. One of the doors would not open, as if a spell had been put upon it. But, on the right end of the hallway was a door which did open, as doors often did.

Inside was Tigershark in a ‘sleeping bag’ as Sunny called it. Beside her was a bed, somewhat less fancy, but no less large, and the occupant was Remora. Both of the two had their eyes closed.

“I wonder what they are doing. Perhaps they are praying,” I whispered into the still air of the room. “Amen.”

I walked a few steps closer and sat down next to Tigershark. There was a faint sound of breaths. Inhale, then exhale. As for her face, I leaned my head closer to it until my gaze was directly over her. My eyes were wide and full of wonder. I knew patience. I knew silence. But I didn’t know what she was doing, so I kept my position and waited for her to tell me.

Much time passed yet, and at last, her eyes opened. Wide as well, and she let out a gasp, then sat up.

“Oh, it’s just you, Astraea,” Tigershark spoke through a strange exhalation as she made patting motions against her mouth. “I had a dream there was a big scary monster staring at me, but now I’m not really sure what it looked like.”

I tilted my head ever so slight.

“Dream?” I asked. “What is that?”

“You know, like when you sleep and things happen, but not really,” she explained.

“I see.” Although I still had yet to know what sleep was.

“Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought you would have left with those bad guys.”

I shook my head. “I was asked to stay. So I am here.”

“Oh, okay. And what were you doing next to me?”

“I was wondering what you were doing,” I answered.

“I was just sleeping.”

Before I could ask what that was, I heard a shift in the bed next to me, then a low growl.

“What are you doing in here?” Spoke the voice, and I looked up. Remora sat up with a gun pointed at me.

“I was watching Tigershark sleep,” I told her.

“Get out. Now.”

I nodded and obliged as I departed the room. Behind me, I could hear a conversation between Tigershark and Remora play out:

“What was that for?!”

“That thing could have been dangerous.”

“She’s not! She’s my friend! She just got curious! She wouldn’t hurt anyone!”

“You don’t know that. You need to be more cautious.”

While I found the conversation interesting, I didn’t have much of a comment for it. Danger...I knew what that meant, or at least what it entailed. Without any example of it, however, all I could say was that danger was unknown to me.

I decided to take my stroll back up the stairs and I sat until dawn. If there was anything I was disappointed by, it was not having the concept of ‘sleep’ explained to me.

Aurora, Eos. No. Neither of those.

Dawn arrived. Such a brightness leaked through every corner of the room which I occupied, alongside Sunny. The sun and the dawn, how one always followed the other, but in which order, I wasn’t sure of.

Rather than wait for Sunny, I descended the stairs on my own. I’ve come to understand that at times, humans had a routine which they practiced depending on the time of day. Through that hall, into the middle path which once I opened the door at the end of it, I would be brought back into the diner. Before I opened the door, or before I chose to, I heard the voices of Demetria and Remora from the other side.

“I’m telling you, there’s something off about her! I don’t know what, but I just can’t shake this feeling!” Demetria’s tone of voice was as if she were descending a mountain.

“Is this a concern for you, or is this just an excuse to talk to me?” Remora asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Well, even if it’s nothing, I have to admit, seeing her in my room last night disturbed me.”

“Whoa, really?”

I opened the door at last and before I looked in the direction of the two, I studied the floor. Their pattern, like a few of the windows; little cracks, either for decoration, or from being worn down. I wondered what it was about it that made it look so clean in spite of that. Without an answer, I looked back up and toward them, and waved.

“Hello, you two,” I greeted, the frost in my voice spread throughout the room.

Remora got up and reached into her pocket. She pulled something out of it, some kind of circular object.

“Oh, good idea! Scan her with the thing just like you did with me when I returned from that mansion!”

Remora gave a short nod, then poked the object. After a short interval of time, her face stretched to a look of shock.

“What? What is it?” Demetria asked her.

“It’s...I don’t know,” Remora shook her head.

“What do you mean?!”

“This device is mainly for detecting if someone has been infected with a cosmic entity. However, I don’t detect anything of the sort on this thing called ‘Astraea’. That said...I don’t detect anything else, either.”

“Meaning?”

“She’s not an infected human, so there may not be a threat, but at the same time...I don’t think she’s human. Rather, it’s like there’s nothing in front of me.”

I smiled.

“Perhaps your object does not detect humans?” I suggested.

Remora shook her head.

“It would at least show the shape of...something,” she put the object back into her pocket. “For the time being, you don’t seem to pose a threat.”

“It seems that as a human, you too have much more to learn,” I assured her. “Fret not, for so do I. Amen.”

“Maybe it’s that my device only shows someone or something infected by a cosmic entity, but not the entity itself,” she sounded unsure of herself. Conflicted. That, or stubborn.

“I don’t know what a cosmic entity is,” I told her, then I spun around. “I just know what I have learned.”

“It would be bad news if you were.”

Then Demetria also looked in a bit of a panic.

“I forgot! I gotta sweep and mop the floors! And I haven’t even had breakfast yet! Yikes!”

She ran off and I wished to observe. However, my chance at observation would have to wait, as Tigershark emerged from the back.

“Hey! Good to see you again!” She greeted me.

I turned around.

“Could you tell me what sleep is now?” I asked her.

“Um...it’s like...you lay down and close your eyes and after a while you’re not awake?” She made her attempt at an explanation. It was a good one, yet…

“What is ‘awake’?” I asked next.

“It’s like, what we are right now?” She didn’t seem to grasp the concept well. It would seem I would have to find another to ask at some point.

“Say, what would you like for breakfast?” Tigershark asked me.

“Breakfast?”

“Like, food?”

“Yes. Food is interesting. Do you have anything with apples?”

“Uh...I can make an apple pie? But that takes all day.”

“I can be patient,” I assured her.

There were no visitors throughout the day. No new faces. At one point, Demetria commented on it.

“You know, I’m pretty sure Aurora didn’t return all of our money,” she put her hands on her hips and let out a sigh. Tigershark, right behind her, said instead:

“Yeah, but she paid for her food and drinks! That still means we made money!”

“If we didn’t get all of our stuff back, I’m pretty sure that’s a loss for us,” Demetria countered.

Ah, I wondered about Aurora and her gang, myself. Wondered what they were up to at the moment, and where they might end up next. I too wondered that, as I felt the urge to wander into new lands call for me. But before that, I was offered a slice of apple pie.

The taste was like apples, but there was a sweetness to it, and a liquid substance which leaked out from my mouth. The same process applied as with an apple – take a bite, chew, then swallow. But in a sort of twist, a hard and flaky substance also sat next to the apples and sweet liquid. All in all, it was an interesting taste.

“Thank you for the experience,” I told Tigershark.

Then I went to the door, ready to depart to a new land. Sunny was beside me once again, as were the other three humans.

“Are you sure you’ll be safe out there?” Sunny asked once again.

“I will be where my footsteps take me,” I assured her. Before I went far past the diner and into the soft, snowy unknown, Tigershark ran after me.

“Will I see you again?” She asked.

I smiled.

“Yes. Whenever you see stars in the night sky, I will be there.”

“I don’t get it, but okay!” Tigershark grinned. With that, I walked off, and looked back, only a quick glance, back at the others. Before long, however long was, I could no longer see the diner. As for where I would turn up, I wouldn’t know until I knew. Amen.

#remoras full #writing #fiction #stories #slice of life #drama #comedy #astraea #cosmic entity #curiosity #wanderlust #diner

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