#because you CANNOT tell me she wasnt considering it

[itsdefinitely]

haha yeah guys i'm completely fine about episode 7

[elftwink]

one of the most infuriating things that happens in discussions about trans people is like, when a transphobe talks about how its just SOOOO easy to access gender affirming care, it's so easy to get on hrt or get referred for surgery etc... some of you dense motherfuckers respond to this by saying "no!!! it's not easy!!!! its so hard!!!" & listen. i KNOW that it IS HARD for many of us. and in many places it's getting harder. but tell me this: isn't the goal, eventually, to make it easy? not just easier than right now, but genuinely easy for a transgender person to access the care they need on whatever timeline they want, no matter how fast or slow? so if you spend all your time right now combating transphobia by insisting that transition is difficult and taxing and traumatizing, what are you going to do if and when it's none of those things? if there is no endless suffering and million hoops?

when someone says "it's too easy to transition" in order to justify their own transphobia, and you say "no it's not", you're also saying "if it were, your feelings would be justified". which is already kind of a terrible implication without taking into consideration that what most of these people mean by "too easy" is "possible". they mean that you can transition and they don't want you to. point blank. when you say it's difficult, they think "good. it should be harder". it will never be difficult enough to not be easy to them.

i am literally so sick & tired of all of us throwing each other under the bus in order to advocate for a future that is fucking miserable and awful. when someone tells you their nightmare scenario is transgender people being happy, you should not be responding to that by reassuring them that actually, transgender people are miserable and always have been and always will. when someone complains about how easy transition is you should say "good". we are never getting out of this fucking crab bucket if we're not only pulling each other down but also telling other people that pushing us back in would be fine if we were a little closer to the top.

[hella1975]

I'm watching the hunger games with people who's opinions I don't agree with HELP they literally don't get the implications of children murdering eachother like I do

(hella I've been reminded of you all day lol this is my 2nd ask about my day kfmsks)

that's genuinely so sweet i dont think you realise how much i appreciate things like this

oh bleugh i hate it when people just dont get a piece of media and ur just kinda sat there trying not to rant like 'you're all missing the fucking POINT'

[arrowpunk]

Nobody gets to make my wife cry and then get away with it : )

[chaifootsteps]

i saw an interview this morning where valentinos voice actor is asked about his characters relationship to the other vees and he briefly explains that vox and val in this weird gay relationship where they make out and do stuff but then straight up says "uhhhh i dont know what valentinos relationship is with velvet lol!"

the bar is in hell for women characters (pun intended) because a velvet USED to have a relationship with vox and val during the instagram days. i like that she was more like a daughter to him and that they bonded over violence! shit like that was what actually made valentino feel like a complex character who can be good and bad. because i literally cannot think of a single relationship hes on good terms with. voxvals whole appeal is that theyre toxic gay bitches! so having just ONE good relationship in his life, even if its just with his weird 30 year old coworker daughter, could actually make him feel like a person with layers like valentino fans desperately insist he is in the show.

since rn velvet just kind of. exists! she barely speaks to the other vees, doesn't seem to enjoy spending time with them unless she can film them dancing and making out, shes mostly frowning in the finale whenever vox opens his mouth, and never directly even speaks to val. why would val not speak to someone he lives (i think) and considers his equal?

like she very much has the ability to become a compelling fun character/villian when shes separated from the other vees. which sucks! because it just makes me wonder "would valentino or vox tangibly lose anything if velvet didnt work with them? and would anything change about their dynamic if she wasnt there?" and i know the answer is "probably not!"

the fact that no ones mentioned her despite s2 having a "heavier focus on the vees" is so fucking telling. she really doesnt feel like the backbone of the vees! she feels like the third wheel vox and val hired and she just stays with them for power despite her not speaking/having a relationship with them at all. its not even like the idea of "30 year old woman stops caring so much about her gay dads she created and slowly begins to resent them, working with them anyway for power" is a terrible idea, but i absolutely know thats not what viv intended. vel is absolutely an afterthought in the writing when shes with the other vees and its apart of what makes me dislike them now more then ever. if s1 couldnt even have velvet speak to the other vees about ANYTHING other then important business stuff (like, idk, fashion, technology, love potions, the few fucking things these characters have in common) then i doubt s2 is gonna be much better.

anyway velvet should leave the vees and get some granny gyatt from carmilla thank u 4 reading <3

Calling it now, season 2's going to contain as little Velvette as Viv can get away with. Because you said it best yourself -- she's not so much a character as a third wheel Vox and Val hired. If they're not around then she's sometimes allowed to shine, but if they are, forget it. It's all about them.

[sillyyuserr]

Terukane analysis <33

one of my favorties because it really shows how much they care and more about THEM less about how teru looks at akane or things like that

like i said in my last last LAST post, i wanted to write an analysis on what happened between terukane just before the severance so here i am. Writing this at 8:15pm on a sunday.

after getting back to the ”human realm”, akane realizes aoi isnt there with him, turns around in confusion, and sees teru with a saddened look on his face

Teru looks saddened while explaining what happened to aoi and how she couldnt return

Akane asks if teru knew the whole time, teru confesses to having had known that she wouldnt come back but didnt say anything, leading to akane being very clearly distressed and upset

Akane grabs teru by the shirt/jacket or wtv hes wearing and punches him and shoves him against a wall

Akane’s done with attacking teru, and turns around to try to go back and get her, falls to the ground in pain, his untreated wounds getting worse by the minute, gets back up to get her, teru forces him down, akane’s lying on the ground, disappointed and sad

Yadayadayada idrc what happens after this thats not what we’re focusing on, now that im done with the ridiculously long recap lets break it down further

As seen here, teru is both feeling and looking, extremely guilty. He’s guilty ab not telling akane, but knowing he kind of had to keep it a secret

Something you need to know ab terukane to really understand it, is their relationship is heavily built around their trust in one another so when teru hid how aoi couldnt come back from akane, he was hurt and confused as if he had never seen it coming, like it wasnt even a what if. He knows teru tries to be “perfect” to everyone else, but had never even CONSIDERED that he might lie to HIM. 

The reason this hit like a fucking global pandemic is because akane trusted teru so much he didn’t even think ab the “what ifs” and even if he did, him lying wouldnt even be on there

and since he was really hurt, he lashed out and punched him. Teru knew he was hurt/betrayed and let him punch him, feeling guilty at himself for keeping this from him. Gosh they really do care about one another

As seen here, akane tries to get aoi, but in his damaged state, he literally cannot. Teru knows this, and hurts inside seeing him like this, him having to literally shove him to the ground to stop him.

Akane seems to be at like rock bottom rn. Just lost his childhood bsf and this dude he swears he hates just lied to him ab something this srs. my mans really going through it

Forgot to add but teru looks especially heartbroken here looking at akane, it literally hurts him to do this to akane, but he knew he wouldnt leave aoi there so he did what was best for him, and brought him back. Also not to mention he literally travelled through the most notorious school mystery’s boundary (also the god of fucking death like wdym) just to save akane like what the fuck

teru’s so obvious istg if AidaIro doesnt make terukane canon thats one thing, but if they dont confirm or at least prove in some way teru has a crush on akane, my entire life is a fucking lie

pls give me ideas or stuff ab terukane that you’ve noticed and i havent im running out of analysis ideas 😭😭🙏

[acaciapines]

hey acacia pleaaaase tell me more about dess and chara in the dess raises kris au

OH I'D LOVE TOO

this got. long as hell so its under a cut. can you tell ive thought about this so hard. literally more people need to consider this relationship okay IT HAS IT ALL...

so! youre dess. you've just had what asriel is calling 'a mental break' but what is to you descending down into the bunker which is REAL and WRONG and NEEDS TO BE DESTROYED, and its done something to you, and your best friend doesnt understand, and nobody understands, and this thing is going to kill your sister and it is going to use asriel's little sibling to do so. and then one day, weeks later, when asriel still wont believe you and you are slowly losing your mind, he goes out to tour colleges.

and kris is staying at your house. and there is nobody to stop you. and asriel doesnt believe you but if it is his little sibling stuck up in everything, and, and, and...

and then the next thing dess knows she has descended into the bunker with a five year old and come out somewhere else, somewhere FAR AWAY, and. by the time shes back in her right mind shes in way way too deep to ever go back. she CANT go back. besides, what help was asriel? he never believed her! her BEST FRIEND, and he wrote off everything she was scared about!! thought she was making it up, but she WASNT, and she'll PROVE IT, and she'll SAVE THE WORLD, and then they'll see. then they'll all see.

that town, that bunker--it is going to kill her sister. and dess will do everything to keep her sister safe.

even if it means she has to lug a kid around.

so, time passes. dess wanders. kris wanders with her. dark worlds here work sort of like mystery dungeons in the pokemon mystery dungeon series, but a lot fewer people know about them. there ARE, though, forums, and small local places where people meet up and swap stories and try to defeat them, which is where dess needs to be, but she cant do any of that with a five year old. so she takes to leaving kris at hotel-rooms and daycares and doing her best to schema-hunt (this group calls dark worlds 'schemas'), and its when picking up kris one of these times that dess meets chara.

chara has also had xir own run-ins with schemas. its what led to xir having frisk--getting stuck in a schema that was Awful for xir mental health, led to a lot of self-hatred around being a loveless aromantic, and a few dubious situations later xes pregnant and after xir own childhood of never being wanted and realizing that as bad as everything leading up to this has been xe WANTS this kid, xe has frisk. for two years chara struggles as a college dropout and a single parent barely scraping by, still dealing with lingering schema-trauma xe cannot talk to anybody about, and...then xe meets dess.

its not a love story, because both of them are aromantic, and chara doesnt love, anyways. but its two people who have been struggling and alone and scared finding someone else who UNDERSTANDS. its how dess finds someone who believes her when she talks about the schemas, who doesnt write her off. its chara making a friend for maybe the first time in xir entire life. its how theyre both trying to raise kids on their own but its not so hard when theyre together.

the honeymoon stages are REALLY good. its chara who has never been anybody's first priority, but now xe is dess's, and it is probably the closest xe will ever get to understanding why romantic love appeals. its dess who has a place to actually REST, not her and a five year old hopping around hotels, but somewhere she can call home. dess and chara can talk to each other about everything, about anything. about the things they've seen in the dark and the deep. about how scared they are for the kids.

they get an apartment together. they get married. they make up a new last name to share. the kids start going to school. chara officially adopts kris. neither of the kids remember a time without dess and chara both around. things seem like they might actually work out.

but dess is so RESTLESS, see. she has this amazing place, with the people she loves most in the world, but as chara settles down xe starts to put xir time in the schemas behind xir. devotes xirself to being a parent, to going to parent-teacher conferences, sitting through meltdowns and fights and being the parent xe never had in xir life. dess hates how kris clings to her whenever she is around. it makes her itch. like shes being held down.

dess starts spending more time on online forums. staying out later and later. goes out on trips--for a day, two days, a week. meets other people like her, people who dont know how to stay in place, people who need to find and close schemas, who save those trapped in them. she maybe starts to miss chara's calls. she maybe misses kris's birthday. she loves chara more than she loves anybody else, and that includes the kids. she comes home and can barely last a few days before she has to go again.

shes not meant to be pinned down by kids. shes supposed to be OUT THERE, saving the world. she and chara fight, more than they ever used to. she hates it when chara cries but she doesnt know how to make it better. maybe if she keeps running, keeps diving into the dark, she'll figure it out. maybe when she saves the world everything will be okay. then she can rest. then there wont always be this nagging fear at the back of her head, this nagging fear that everything she has is going to come crashing down around her. then all the missed calls will be worth it, all the broken promises made okay.

she's dess. defeater of schemas. and one day she'll make it back to that bunker, and destroy it, and her sister, the sister she hasnt seen in a decade, will be safe. one day she'll call asriel and this time he'll believe her, and forgive her. one day she'll go home and sit down next to chara and this time when she promises to stay, she'll mean it.

just a little longer. then she'll fix everything.

(meanwhile, chara is back at home, waiting for a wife that wont come back. sometimes in the middle of the night frisk creeps into xir bed and asks why dess is never home, why chara doesn't divorce her. chara doesnt know how xe is supposed to tell this child xe very nearly did not have that dess is the only person who chose to love xir because she could. that dess is the only person who was there when chara had nobody else. that sometimes when it is very dark xe thinks back to the schema xe was stuck in, for so very long, and the prophecy xe heard there. how xe saw dess and some part of xir knew, then, that surely, this is who those ancient words spoke of. dess, with her glorious warmth and light.

chara is the one who stayed behind. chara is the one who deals with all the struggles of raising two children-now-teenagers, who watches kris, waiting always for dess to come home; frisk, who doesnt speak of her at all. xe doesnt know if xe's doing the right thing. xe just wants xir kids to be OKAY, and, selfishly, to be loved by someone even if xe can never return the feeling.

one day frisk comes sobbing to chara and spills everything: that kris, who has only ever wanted dess to be proud of them, who knows dess is one who slips into the space between light and dark and comes out again, has dove into a dark world of their own, and has not come back out.

and chara who already knows xe will dive into the dark xirself if that is what it takes to bring kris back safe wonders if maybe xir selfishness is what will get xir children killed.)

[alphabetboyluvr]

danbi dog walking w/ tae sort of meet cute-type date vibes

🪩 WORDCOUNT | 700 (exactly!) 🪩 NOTE FROM HOLLY | so i kinda think they're impossible to have a meet-cute, just because danbi was sooooo anti-tae at the start. like she always knew he was interested and used to try soooo hard to pretend that she wasnt!!! plus if anyone is a man hater (complimentary <3) it's danbi!! I can't remember when, but i know it's mentioned earlier on in the story that tae had been at memorial park with dan so.... here u go!

🪩 BD DRABBLES MASTERPOST 🪩

“Again?” Danbi sighs as she notices the man walking towards her up through the path of the Memorial Park.

She’d put her hands on her hips if either of them were free - but she’s currently got three dogs to each hand. The leads wrap around so tightly it’s a miracle her fingers haven’t fallen off yet.

Still, her facial expression conveys everything her body can’t - and yet Kim Taehyung has the audacity to stand there fucking smiling. 

“Fancy seeing you here!” He beams, turning on his heel to stop himself from walking on by. Doesn't miss a beat. Heads in the same direction as Danbi, now.

“Y’know, some people would consider this stalking,” she tells him with nothing but disdain. 

“See, I would agree,” Taehyung answers with contemplative arrogance. “But it’s funny - DB seems to reckon you’ve changed your route, recently?”

“Oh has she, now?” Danbi says, resisting the urge to curse you out. Loves you to death, but knows exactly what you’re doing. Begins to think that your joke about dressing up as cupid for Halloween isn’t really a joke.

“Mhmm,” Taehyung nods, hands in pockets. A little shy, but trying desperately hard not to be. “You used to do your walks down by the river, apparently.”

Danbi’s jaw is tense. Unwavering. “Sometimes a change of scenery is good. Gives the pups more mental stimulation. Different smells.”

“There are so many parks in the city,” he muses.

“Well I’ll pick a different one, once I’ve decided they’ve had enough of this one.”

“Maybe you should try the city forest,” Taehyung suggests. “The one by the last stop on line two. I go there pretty often, too.”

The narrowing of Danbi’s eyes only serves to make Taehyung smile. He’s learning pretty quickly which buttons of Danbi’s to press - and given how easy it is to wind her up, he doesn’t have to try particularly hard. 

It’s what he likes about her, though. She’s fiery. Ignites a little something inside him.

“My route choices have nothing to do with you.”

“No?” He challenges. “So why’d it change after you found out my studio overlooks Memorial Park?”

“Coincidence.”

“Y’know,” Taehyung smirks. “Some people would consider it stalking.”

If there’s one thing Danbi hates, it’s when men make her smile - and Taehyung is getting dangerously close to that. She has to nip this in the bud, or otherwise her mild-infatuation with him will inevitably grow, and she cannot let that happen.

She’s dated musicians. Dated pretty boys. Ones with egos. Knows that artists are even worse.

And the ones who look like Kim Taehyung? Nothing but trouble. She knows that as soon as her guard is down, some girl from his art school will end up back in his DM’s and then she’ll have to fight for his attention, which she refuses to do. Dreads to think of the notches in his bedpost. Doesn’t wanna have to look at the art he’s made from other muses.

Again, she’s dated men who are menaces before. Had songs written for other girls cosplayed as serenades for her (fuck you, Sanghyuk). Refuses to let it happen again.

Better to just fight with him. Easier that way.

She’s incapable of doing anything by half measures though, so hatred seems like the best course of action.

“With all due respect, Taehyung, I’m working,” she shrugs, picking up her pace.

“Let me help.”

“No.”

“I'm good with animals.”

“You’re not insured.”

“I know how to walk a dog”

“No.”

“Let me-”

“Fine! Take Mabel,” Danbi finally relents, adjusting the leashes to hold one out from him. On the end is a Pomeranian, not too dissimilar from Taehyung’s own dog - the same dog Taehyung keeps trying to convince Danbi to walk, just so he has an excuse to see her. “She bites.”

“It’s fine,” Taehyung says, taking the leash in his palm and wrapping it over slightly for a little extra security. Starts walking. Is cheeky, as he says, “I’m used to bitches who bite.”

“You did not just call me a bitch,” Danbi gasps, genuinely affronted. It’s the first time throughout this entire interaction that Taehyung thinks he’s getting genuine emotion from her. Knows the rest of it is bull.

“Well, are you planning on biting me?” He flirts. Wouldn’t be opposed. In fact, he’d quite like it.

“Shut up,” she whines with a deadly roll of her eyes. “Just walk the damn dog."

[rose1021]

I know you did not ask and you can ignore if you like but whenever I see Garroth’s Betrayal Sucks I feel contractually obligated to speak on what I make it in my head because I hate that pat so fucking much and of it wasnt so intrinsically tied to the time skip I would burn it to the ground

I make it an Aphmau’s Fault Too thing. Garroth being the loyal guard he is tells Aphmau about someone trying to indoctrinate him and Aphmau just says. “We can use this.” and so a double cross plot is born but Aphmau never pulls the plug even as it gets more and more apparent they cannot make this work because everything has always worked out for her before even when she goes against peoples advice, and despite Garroth insisting they should stop he doesn’t disobey his lord, until it’s already too late of course.

That solves the “Well why wasn’t any blame placed onto Garroth?” issue as well as really adds to and clears up Aphmau’s desperation to bring him home.

It also makes Aphmau missing her children’s childhoods and her village crumbling partially her own fault, the consequences do not fit the crime but to me when it’s something that big and Aphmau being such a “Makes things happen” character it should be her own fault in some way.

(this also of course breaks Garroth’s trust in Aphmau, because he thought they were friends but she ignored every concern and let him be sworn into the Jury of Nine, an establishment she knows he detests)

No thank you for bringing this up! I completely didn’t think about it that way (probably the Laurmau bias 😰) but I definitely see that this works a whole lot better than the shithole that part is, especially the part where Garroth asks about the pendant and,, (I literally paused for a whole minute I forgot what happened) ok so I may be wrong but originally aphmau refused to tell Garroth about the pendants location however after the war she finally tells him that laurance has is. Considering she knew Garroth wasn’t himself and Ofc later finding out that Garroth immediately went and stole the pendant, that would definitely point guilt onto aphmau, also like girl he’s been “sick” and been looked after by a random stranger who walks in also was it cadenza who told Lillian abt Garroth istg first Zane about laurance now this ANYWAYS especially when tensions are high in the village and there is a traitor would you not hold slightly more concern?? I hate this part can we just idk make up a different reason they go to the Irene dimension 😭. Anyways I’m not 100% abt the indoctrination however there is absolutely mistrust between Garroth and aphmau which is completely their own faults in different ways, ultimately I think it’s Zane’s fault, and if I could completely remove that part I would but alas we have to fix everything in this series.

TLDR I think in my very future rewrite the betrayal arc will turn into a oh no he’s manipulated and under a spell arc (smth like that ig) basically keep the good (needed) parts (the time skip and relic absorption) and ditch the bad (the complete butcher of Garroth)

Tempted to write out Aaron but I guess he needs to be in to get Garroth out 🙄 or we can use aphmaus Irene powers or smth

[ethans-stars]

Wait tell me about your Ethan Lore this sounds rad

YAY OMG okay if the other person is up for my yapping do tag them. i like people looking at my yapping

okay btw ethan goes by they/them (rarely she/he) and morgana goes by she/they

for starters, ethans parents are fucking assholes. lol. theyre distant and emotionally and verbally abusive (they are a bit physically abusive too). they suck weewee. ok.

now morgana? she hates them. she fucking hates their guts and she doesnt fucking care. their logic is well, if you cant love me, your own child, then im not gonna love you back. theyre independent and rely on their interests. (they LOVE LOVE LOVE collecting molts and sheds of animals, knitting creepy dolls, crafting stuff that look scary, and making origami. she tends to dip into mostly stuff that freak others out, but for her? huge comfort.)

and even with that being said, morgana struggles making friends and has horrible validation issues. they also struggle managing their anger and can lash out when people pick on her or ignore her right infront of her face.

ethan, is a bit different.

theyre loud, obnoxious, trying to be the best and center of attention of everything. they try to get everyone eyes on them and HATE when people focus on someone else.

they would hang out with people they didnt even like, they would try and make themself someone they werent just to appeal to people, "fix" their personality when they saw an error.

they were hungry for any attention, any validation or praise centered to THEM.

now, ethan hung out with streber, leon, blaz, aria, liv, and confi when they were 15. and.. ethan started to get unhealthy obsessed with streber because of how close they were.

ethan would try to do small acts of kindness back, even if they didnt exactly grasp the concept. all they wanted was the spotlight on them, they didnt like when no one payed attention to them.

ethan gave streber a bat earring, necklaces, rings, makeup, nail polish, and a gothic jacket that ethan didnt like anymore.

anyway, after a while, and up until when streber and ethan got into college (18-19, but they started dating when they were 19), ethan confessed to streber with a small bouquet of flowers. now, note, streber suffered a traumatic event when he was 16-17. (wont go into detail, but they did get hurt from something and is very uncomfortable with their shoulders and back being touched, aswell as people sneaking up on him.)

streber had 2 therapists then (technically just one, but he considers his mom a therapist because.. well she does work as a therapist, but streber technically wasnt a client.) and honestly, he didnt feel the need to refuse ethans offer of being boyfriends. (also btw!! smth silly, i hc streber as demiromantic :3) streber was already recovering kinda steadily (since it had been about 2-3 years since) and didnt find ethan too bad. so, he took the offer.

ethan.. shouldnt have been in a relationship. they were horrible at respecting boundaries and trying to focus attention on strebers feelings and would only try and stop doing something just to avoid streber yelling at him. ethan, also, again, had very bad issues with needing the attention on them. so, ethan would be very loving and nice to streber when he gave him attention.

but,, when streber needed attention? ethan would be kinda closed off, trying to shrug streber away and stop it from getting that attention.

now, big thing, streber cannot function in a relationship if their needs arent met, specifically with comfort and love towards them. it doesnt even have to be touch, it can be words, and thats all that they need for that love to get across.

ethan only gave streber a lot of focus and attention specifically only when streber would have intense panic attacks or breakdowns. sometimes ethan gradually tried to share some love and focus and care onto streber, but.. they didnt most of the time.

2 years, 2 months, and the two broke up. streber sobbed on this cliff where ethan and it had their first kiss together. streber threw the bouquet off the cliff.

even worse? ethan didnt even focus on the actual qualities of streber. they loved this specific idea of streber and never appreciated any part of them besides when ethan got attention.

ethan then went to therapy, and the two had a rift seperating eachother for a good while, then ethan.. started to heal, started to get better with themself and truly find who the fuck they were.

ethan broke off various things, but did start to indulge into things they genuinely liked. they broke off unhealthy friendships and they most importantly left their abusive parents and took in morgana to live with her (when ethan was able to adopt them).

ethan took up the hobbies of tattooing, making punk and goth music with blaz and two other friends, collecting furbies, collecting skulls of animals (romeo was a skull they made themself :3!!!!), making creepy dolls, and collecting crystals.

the main thing ethan DID have from the start of their unhealthy need for attention was tattooing. mostly due how taboo it was for being young and tattoos. yk? so yeah. they genuinely do like tattooing though :3

anyway, they became much more calm and started to seep more into actually focusing on peoples feelings. they stsrted to chill out and become much more laid back and instead of always being in a social situation and trying to find a point where they can get the spotlight on them, they focused on whatever was going on. say a conversation, ethan focused on every bit of what that person said just to make them feel important and listened to.

now, ethan and streber began to build their bond, and became much better friends. they have this same sassy and dramatic energy (as kind of shown in strebers rehearsal :3) that makes them really compatible sometimes, and they always have a good time laughing about it after it.

now.. with ethan, they.. kind of focused too much, to the point their new partner after streber took it to their advantage. their partner hurt them emotionally and verbally and manipulated them into thinking that ethan wasnt doing good enough, to the point they wouldnt focus on themself at all and would constantly try and improve themself in ways their partner wanted, and would not give themself any selfcare because they thought that all that mattered was their partner.

that relationship went down, and ethan healed from that more, trying to not bottle their feelings and expressing their emotions with their friends more.

and then... ethan started to like streber, again, but this time they loved the genuine parts of them, each small trait and habit. they loved streber.

they needed streber.

one day on a whim, ethan asked if streber wanted to try again. just for a week, or even less.

and they tried, and ethan was so loving and caring and tried super hard to show their emotions and take care of streber aswell, slowly treading through and giving streber so much love. it felt fulfilling for once, and streber felt genuinely loved.

..except.... it just.. something wasnt right.

every heavy makeout, every soft touch, every date. it just felt off, and streber couldnt figure out why.

it was until it realized.. they didnt see anything in ethan, they didnt really love them. it was just good close friends, and that was all streber could manage.

but.. it would try, it would try and give it more time. ethan had so much love to give, so they would let it last for a little bit more.

anddd. 2 months after, and streber just couldnt let it go on like this, seeing ethan give endless love to him when streber didnt even know how to return it back. streber didnt love ethan. they never did.

afterwards, ethan fell into a slight depression, becoming closed off to their friends and not interacting with streber for a while. streber would visit, but ethan was dry and eventually asked him to leave.

after a bit, ethan learned to accept the rejection and started to be okay with just being good friends with streber. streber looked happy and free not being with ethan, and ethan would accept that.

they talked it out, and were truly just close friends. that was the best way things could turn out.

(though!! one night, when ethan and streber were both high, they almost kissed. they talked it out more and made clear boundaries. ethan wouldnt be satisfied with FWB, and streber wouldnt really like a committed relationship with someone he didnt see romantically.)

holy fucking fucking shit. yeahl there y9u go

i hope that makes sense. yeah whatevrr behwhehhdhfuhfhffhfhdhdhhdhfghhghg

[azumasoroshi]

minidura chapter 2 react (izaya has stopped functioning)

i already forgot what i named the last post whoops

anyway

shizuo jumpscare

as a psychology student who is also taking sociology goddamn do i love the whole community aspect of durarara and the forms. wish i could start a festival in my town just by suggesting it online somewhere. it's so cool how you have no idea of the qualifications of the people you talk to (just like on tumblr except this is all ikebukuro people. and izaya)

i wonder if izaya being the only member of the cast (afaik) to not live in ikebukuro is symbolic of how he feels has to distance himself from the chaos at least a little bit in order to not get swept up in it himself. it's like a self restraint type thing

that's probably really obvious though forgive me im still dutsing off my character analysis lack-of-skills ANYWAY

tom is such a malewife honestly

i dont think ive ever had chocolate bananas before. huh. strawberries sure bananas nah

he looks so cute in that last panel ghghghjhhrhghgghjf

i dont get to see enough of normal laid back shizuo behavior with all the shizaya art i look at lmfAOO

i swear to god if celty's in a kimono 💀 shinra is about to be the most annoying man alive

stupid puns my beloved

the way tom's eyes are drawn in that last panel reminds me of like. american cartoon but i cant put my finger on it

is it arnold from the magic school bus or is it arthur from arthur. who knows

"you absolutely cant get into a fight today" ah so the peace wont last. damn

EGGPLANTZAYA

i cant wait for izaya to show up this chapter and annoy the living hell out of shizuo

maybe i should make eggplantzaya my profile picture (i wont because im too attached to rantaro. not even him as a character just the profile picture) (also because i cant remember where i found the profile picture and im too scared to let it go)

i see that blurb with the really cute izaya picture on the left and im assuming it's just a "this is orihara izaya btw. he's really annoying and shizuo hates him for ruining his life" type thing but god i wish i could read it anyway ill take any crumbs

HERE HE COMES!!!!!!!

oh nvm he's getting shafted for now, we transition to-

WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU

celty in a kimono is inevitable. you cannot escape

she is cute though <3 this might be her first festival since she's irish too damn

that just reminded me god i wish celty talked in a super thick irish accent. some people have already mentioned that but im reiterating it because maybe some abridged series will consider it

wait oh my god is this gonna be another hotpot party type "izaya organized all this because he's lonely and wants an excuse to hang out with people that tolerate him" thing. amazing wonderful i love the izaya slander going on in this manga today

and i was about to say "oh i guess that wasnt izaya's silhouette in the shizuo-tom panel" but he's holding a chocolate banana 💀rip tom's pay i guess

i can imagine how that went but i dont think ill have to imagine for much longer

oh yeah it was right in the next panel lmAO at least you got free food izaya dont complain

"he looks like he's having fun" awwwwwwwwwwwww nothing more fun than ticking off shizuo and not getting hurt in the process

just realized he has the constantly closed eyes pff gin ichimaru lookin edgy ass bitch

he opens his eyes like it's a dramatic supervillain reveal but it's really just him being lonely. thanks for always exposing him shinra mwah

WHY IS HE ACTING SO EVIL. doing the fucking arm spread like this is a bad thing what is wrong with him

i love how mikado shinra and celty are looking at each other like "this fucking guy. cant have one normal conversation"

PFFFFFFFFFFFF

i know shinra is laughing his ass off beneath those glasses rn

izaya's face is amazing actually. you know that one scene in bungou stray dogs wan where atsushi gets dazai a gift and dazai glitches out and stops processing information because he doesnt know how to handle appreciation. this is literally that scene

huh. now i understand why durarara and bsd always get recommended together

KILL HIM MIKADO!! KILL HIM WITH KINDNESS HE'S ALREADY HALFWAY TO HELL

literal proof that izaya ceases to function when someone actually likes him. idc that this isn't canon it's canon because i say so

(side note MAN did they have to give airi noticable cleavage even in her chibi form. come on. you didnt do it for celty you dont have to do it to her 😭 the amount of fanservice with her drives me nuts in the main series)

my man is BROKEN just look at him

local gay baby realizes he accidentally made everyone happy. oops

walker and erika in the background too <3 they're so cute ugh

YOU DUMBASS

i knew itd be another hotpot thing oh mygod he's so. fucking idiot you couldve just tagged along with them 😭

it's only once he imagines shizuo that he snaps too pffffffffft

also namie appearance!!!!!!! hope she appears more in future chapters

10/10 chapter would bully izaya again

oops almost missed the ending drawing!! so cuteeee <3333

[shecomeswithteeth]

Are you anti plastic surgery. As in every form to be specific

to preface we’re all just doing what we can to live happy lives in our society. i acknowledge people get plastic surgery for many reasons, be it for wanting to be seen as beautiful or because they were in some kind of freak accident and want a semblance of normalcy again, but i do not have to agree with some of those reasons. more under the cut because this is a long one!

i think there should not even be a system that encourages plastic surgery for vanity in the first place, yet there is. and people can make their choice at the end of the day, and learn from it if it affects them both positively or negatively. bella (gigi?) hadid herself has gone on record to say that she wishes she still had her old nose, which is so important for women and girls like me who grew up with a nose that wasnt considered traditionally feminine… it is a removal of diversity so that people can fit the cookie cutter mold of this western idea of beauty, and, dare i say, exaggerated gender stereotypes. and because of this i would argue that many forms of plastic surgery for vanity’s sake has white supremacist or at the very least colorist roots.

plastic surgery for this group of people serve as a solution to the problem of insecurity, but it isnt a very good one. what is good is the abolishment of systems that prey on existing insecurities of women and girls and even come up with new ones they can profit off of. women and girls need to know that they can be above all of this, and be happy, or at the very least content with how they look and that there is nothing wrong with it, lest they become *addicted* to plastic surgery (a very real phenomenon). i would go deeper into the dissociative separation of the mind and body that permits and justifies this type of plastic surgery, but i am not quite yet confidently versed in the ins and outs of that philosophy; or at least, not confident to talk about it with my full chest. but ultimately, we are all affected by the beauty industry whether we like it or not, and to progress and become better for yourself, we must feel uncomfortable and work through that discomfort. radical feminism has allowed me to finally be at peace in this regard.

i had a friend that had nose surgery because of breathing problems, and it completely changed the shape of her nose, and while she wanted it both for breathing problems and vanity, the health problems definitely trump anything else i would say. and even then, im not going to go up to people that have had minor work done and tell them i disagree with their actions. thats just not going to happen lol.

as for victims of accidents, i have much less to say about that because what happened to them was just that: an accident, the result of an outside force be it a force of nature or someone else. as someone who has had horrible burns before i sympathize with burn victims who go through specialized surgeries to recreate their faces as accurately as possible. such a jarring shift in ones life, god, i cannot imagine. same for acid attack victims, who are often attacked in the first place because they rejected a man, or who dared to commit the crime of simply being a woman.

my opinions on this have been formed by the values that i hold very dear to myself: self discipline, personal growth and development, and nonconformity. so i wont say anyone who disagrees with me is wrong, just that we have different experiences that have informed our views over time. i should also add that im an older sister, so i have a few little shits looking up to me for guidance and support. i have to be a good role model for them and, despite wanting plastic surgery when i was younger, show my deeply insecure sister that things can and will change for her. that she is not alone, that we’re all going through it… that no matter what, makeup and plastic surgery isnt necessary for her to be beautiful, and eventually beauty isnt necessary to be happy at all.

yes, some people’s quality of life improve because of plastic surgery but the entire concept, i think, is abysmal and dystopian. how cruel that we must cut ourselves up to be happy, when we could just be, or learn to be. but again, everyone genuinely considering plastic surgery are probably grown adults that can make their own decisions, im not going to manually approve or disprove every minute reason someone has for wanting to get surgery. so go crazy because i cant stop anyone from doing what they really want to, i can just post my opinions on my silly womanblog and hope it resonates with the few that read this.

[coolcoelacanth]

shoutout to my ex, who broke my heart when i was 19 then continued to drag me thru the mud for two more years. i really put him on a pedestal, because he was someone who treated me better than others, which is not saying much considering my background. i watched my dad tolerate bullshit for years, then i did the exact same thing w my ex. i thought he was my person, i thought we had a special connection. and he took advantage of that. he took advantage of my kindness, my patience, my empathy, and my trauma. he made me feel like a loser, even though i am a beautiful, intelligent, hardworking woman getting her doctorate in one year. he made me feel ugly and small. he made me feel helpless and pathetic. all because he would come over and smother me in love, then turn around the next day and tell me i wasnt the one for him and that he didnt like me. he never complimented me, he made me feel like i was a loser bc i "didn't have any hobbies", he told me about all the girls he had had flings with during the gaps in our timeline then would accuse me of having hickies even tho i was technically single by his definition. when my pet died i had to beg him, sobbing on the phone, to come over and console me because he was busy going to his friends house he had known since they were 12. he got annoyed with me if i ever called him in a panic, he never reached for my hand in public, he only bought me flowers once after i had asked him to. he would fall asleep immediately and leave me crying next to him in bed, he would complain about being bored if i didn't plan an elaborate date for him every weekend while i was in graduate school, he never planned any dates. he would look at his phone while i was talking to him, and play video games while we were on the phone, and i would keep talking and pretend it didnt bother me that he wasn't listening to a word i said. the only time i felt like he was truly mine was when we were having sex and it made me more sexual than i am naturally bc it was the only time he ever made me feel loved and special. i never knew when he was going to tell me he never wanted to see me again, i would have several breakdowns a week but i would always blame it on myself, not because i was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. i think of all this things and it makes me feel sick to my stomach, because i truly trusted him. i thought if i was patient and loving enough, he would come back to the man he used to be. i really believed in his character, but he betrayed me over and over and emotionally abused me then used me for sex. i thought he was different from the other boys, but he was exactly the same. i dont have to restrain myself from reaching out to call him anymore, because even the thought of him brings an overwhelming sense of doom. then, after all that, not even two months after i finally said i had enough, he had found another girl. she was pretty too. after everything, everything, he still chooses to disrespect me over and over again. he chooses to shatter my heart on the ground and keep smashing it like its a game to him. i just want to say, FUCK you nic. NEVER will i EVER let ANYONE make me feel like that EVER again. he taught me the lesson of self love and respect, he taught me that love cannot fix everything, he taught me that you cannot force someone to respect you. i hope hes as miserable as he made me and i hope they both go to hell. i cannot believe i ever let someone make me feel so terribly about myself. i didnt even want to look in mirrors anymore. he tore me down to his level, he made me as insecure as he is inside. i hope you feel good about yourself, destroying someone who loved you and supported you so unconditionally. because i would have never done this to you, any of this. you are not as good of a person as you make yourself out to be, you're just like the rest of them and i hope you realize that everyday when you look at yourself in the mirror.

[wygolvillage]

THE SHANOA PLAYLIST IS DONE

it uhhh... vaguely follows the structure of order of ecclesia's story? and it's got some of my fav songs on there!!! hope you enjoy

explanations of the song choices beneath the cut

1. nosferatu - alone

honestly which song would be the first on the playlist was a hard decision and one im still not 100% satisfied with, but i think this song functions as a “shanoa thesis statement”. think like the theme song before the events of the story unfold. its got enough bombast for it to function at the same point in the story as order of ecclesia’s eventful intro and its lyrics are very shanoacore IMO. (also i just noticed that the lyrics on spotify for this song are. not right at all lol someone should fix that)

2. autumn - atrophy

shanoa’s emotionlessness. “when the state of the living/is the state of the dead/such disillusionment is the end”- painting a picture of how shanoa is as the story kicks into gear after its inciting incident.

3. faith and the muse - annwyn, beneath the waves

this one is more like, Vibes than a song that would describe shanoa herself but its placement is i guess supposed to be shanoa’s chase of albus through the countryside??? which is a period in the story best described via Vibes rather than specific moments anyway. i flip-flopped between including the original version and the acoustic version but i decided on the original because its more easily cohesive with the sound of the whole thing yknow. and the ocean represents the high amount of sea creature bosses- jk im just messing with you, could you imagine

4. the cure - the blood

also more of a Vibes song. (enigmatic meetings with albus, one can draw a parallel between “i can tell by your tears you remember it all” and albus asking shanoa to cry in that one scene, the irony of "you can never forget how it used to feel" and its lyrics about being shrouded/blinded by faith and not knowing whats true definitely fit her at this point in the story. this one and the previous are both meant to stand in for the "outdoor portion" of the game)

5. bauhaus - stigmata martyr

represents the corrosive influence of dominus, the three-part glyph, an “unholy trinity”. specifically, think of it as dracula taunting shanoa through albus’s mouth after his attempt to tame that power. (“look to your crimson orifice/in holy remembrance/in scarlet bliss” said to someone who cannot remember anything or feel any bliss? its almost too fitting) and a look at the irony of shanoa’s quest being to martyr herself for that who she thought she was fighting against. if shanoa’s tattoos are stigmata- twilight stigmata- remember that stigmata are wounds.

6. evanescence - bring me to life

i mean i couldnt NOT include this song even if its definitely super out of place from all the goth music on here. i think this was the first song i ever realized Had Shanoa Vibes after i got into order of ecclesia and i’ve been *grits teeth* So Normal ever since. the realization that she’s been living a lie (there’s nothing inside, etc etc) and conflict within after having murdered albus. it also is at the halfway point in the playlist which wasnt intentional but ill pretend it is.

7. siouxsie and the banshees - icon

It’s About Barlowe. kind of a comparatively low-key song to use for the barlowe fight but i think the lyrics are fitting. barlowe’s religious obsession with dracula- and shanoa’s idolization of barlowe crumbling down.

8. this ascension - august rain

post-barlowe fight angst- the “there’s nothing left for me” scene. it was between this song and fearful symmetry and i opted for august rain, but i think either could have worked here. also functions as a calm before the storm as there are three hard hitting bangers in a row after this one. (“i try to reach out to him, take the fear from his eyes” is more directed at albus though, there’s layers. i guess)

9. autumn - how it came to be this way

i considered including the autumn song “the hating tree” because “become the blade that stabs me over and over and over and over again/but this time the betrayal is forever” is just TOO shanoacore but that song is 11 and a half minutes long so um maybe not. HOWEVER... “how it came to be this way” is also the first song by this band i ever heard and i was immediately struck by how much of A Shanoa Song it felt like to me. it’s just so perfect. here it functions as dracula’s resurrection and shanoa’s approach to the castle- “i shall kill them one by one/and feed their corpses to the sun”? i mean, come on. this always was going to have a place on The Shanoa Playlist

10. die laughing - queen of swords

the dracula fight. yep. uh, not much else to add? i think having a song where dracula is the “lord of lies, prince of words” works really well though as it definitely plays into my reading of dracula being a symbol of everything that’s hurt shanoa and everything that barlowe believes in... lies. also i know i called alone a shanoa theme song but if i was making A Shanoa TV Show this would also be a contender for the theme song lol.

11. this ascension - ashes don't burn

More Of A Vibes Thing and it was always going to be on this playlist because it just feeeeeels like shanoa to me. it’s the transcendent experience of a sharing of souls, or at least that was what i was going for, and the ascent- the final oblivion- of albus after seeing his desire through.

12. kate bush - the morning fog

a new appreciation and love for life with emotional context. i feel bad for taking this song from the larger context of the ninth wave, but it IS about a person having a near death experience and learning to love life and the people in it more, which i think gels with shanoa regaining her emotions and the eventual return to wygol. it’s the smile, basically

[vividaway]

my thoughts, and reiterations about gabbie from twitter.

i'm saying this as a fan of gabbie, AND as someone who's been in bipolar psychosis before: hate her all you want. But whats happening with Gabbie Hanna right now has NOTHING to do with drama, NOTHING to do with attention, and NOTHING to do with her music. people spreading that rumor are genuinely bordering on ableism and refuse to do their own research. 1. gabbie's been diagnosed for a little under a year, so she's still trying to find stability.

2. gabbie is PERSONALLY anti-pharma (she gets paranoid about what she's putting into her body, but has no opinions about others who medicate)

3. gabbie's album came out a month ago, and she was one of the first female independent artists to hit the top of the rock charts. gabbie doesn't NEED drama for her music to succeed, nor would this benefit her in any way HAD it been staged.

4. gabbie's BIGGEST, BIGGEST fear is (in her own words) "to go crazy, and not realize it". anyone who's up to date on her tiktoks knows EXACTLY why that statement is beyond terrifying, and how it BEYOND applies to this situation. 5. the argument that "gabbie has done this before" is just plain wrong. gabbie has published a MULTITUDE of videos about the depressive side of her bipolar, but she has ALWAYS gone offline when she got manic.

6. the argument that "gabbie admitted that she's just trolling" is also incorrect. in 2020-2021 gabbie started posting tiktoks (which are now viral) which were taken as her being in a manic state. gabbie tried to tell people a MULTITUDE of times that she wasn't manic, and people refused to listen. this is different from gabbie saying she isnt manic NOW, because gabbie wasnt in PSYCHOSIS in 2020-2021 like she is now. she wasnt DELUSIONAL in 2020-2021 like she is now.

the tiktoks in question were the ones of her in the car, shouting. her "i'm back, bitches" tiktok, and her tiktok where she was dressed like this:

---

i want to include some words copied DIRECTLY from twitter, because they are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

the gabbie hanna thing is making me realize how many of y'all have zero understanding of mental health beyond depression and anxiety (if even that) "if she wanted help she would get it" during a psychotic episode/hallucinations you don't think anything is wrong and often refuse

mental illness is considered an illness for a reason. it’s suddenly no longer offered sympathy when it does not present in a way that’s acceptable or pretty and “quirky”. gabbie hanna is literally not well, hold her accountable when she’s in the headspace to realize her wrongs

“hold gabbie hanna accountable” you cannot hold someone going through actual fcking psychosis accountable for anything. this is not just mania. this is a psychotic break. she is entirely disconnected from reality.

every time gabbie hanna starts trending, it reminds me how most people only care about mental health if it's romanticizable, and not self-destructve and ugly like a lot of issues are

fun fact, you can be worried for gabbie hanna's mental state atm and still be pissed that she's saying racist shit like this isn't mutually exclusive. is she saying terrible things because of her psychotic episode? yeah most likely. am i still upset she's saying these terrible things? obviously. am i still worried for her health and hope someone helps her quickly? she's still human, of course i want her to get help

yeah, regardless of how you feel about gabbie hanna and all the shit she's done in the past, can we please stop saying that people reveal their true, "deep down" feelings when they're manic? it's inaccurate and unhelpful

the way y’all are talking about gabbie hanna rn proves that the majority of you really have no clue what real, severe mental/psychotic breaks look like. y’all are so “mental health awareness!” until said mental health manifests in a way that makes you uncomfortable……

The thing some of y’all need to remember about this gabbie hanna situation is that even bad people deserve mental healthcare. Let her come through the other side of this episode before you expect her to address it and apologize. It might be a while. Be patient.

the gabbie hanna situation is a good reminder that we as a society lack the proper skills and resources to support people in psychosis (as it appears she is in) if you find yourself helping someone experiencing psychosis, here are some tips:

-do NOT try to rationalize delusions/beliefs. you’re not gonna convince them, and it’ll strain your ability to communicate -speak in calm and short sentences. don’t freak out. don’t laugh at them -empathize and validate their emotions. psychosis can be absolutely terrifying

-if possible, pull them aside to a safe, comfortable place. offer water/snacks/etc -discuss resources. offer to take them to the ER or call a crisis support line for them. however, if they refuse treatment do NOT threaten or coerce. only call 911 if they are in immediate danger

-they may refuse help at the moment. allow them to do so. they still have autonomy. tell them that the offer stands and that if they ever change their mind you are there for them. coercion and threatening may ruin your chance at helping them, paranoia is common with psychosis

-lastly, remember that people in psychosis are MUCH more likely to be a victim of violence than the other way around. they are in an extremely vulnerable state that is easily taken advantage of

on calling 911: -it’s not helpful, and can be harmful, if you call 911 on someone in psychosis with no risk of harm to themselves or others -determining level of risk as a layperson is hard. if there is not immediate danger (i.e. standing on the edge of the roof) a crisis line

may be more suitable. they may tell you to call 911 -just bc you call 911 doesn’t automatically mean the person will be involuntarily hospitalized. there are people in ERs who are trained in determining risk of harm -IT IS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY! when in doubt, call 911

resources available: -911 -988 (a US national hotline for mental health crises) -local community mental health centers -local crisis hotlines -ERs. if you live by a psych ER that’s even better -mental health crisis centers (if there are any around) -their therapist/psychiatrist