#been crying over a lot of nature for the past couple days

[asterdeer]

life this week

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

The Bet

Part one

Eddie is desperate to talk to you but will you ever be able to forgive and forget after learning your friendship was nothing more than a bet? Especially as you had fallen in love with him.

Do you still love him after all that anguish?

Part two.

Warnings: A lot of angst and you'll see..minors shoo! 18+

Don't copy, translate or repost my work.

❤️

A bet. That's all you'd ever been to Eddie, a bet to get one over on your now ex boyfriend, on Jason and the rest of the dark side as Eddie's friend had put it.

Had they spent this whole time laughing at you? Did Eddie get some kick out of stringing you along, stealing your heart piece by piece.

Was everything just a lie?

You had broken up with Bryan a week ago. Sick of his horrible nature and drawn to Eddie, head over heels for him. God you felt like such a fool.

The night you found out about the bet you cried yourself to sleep, walking to school on autopilot. Thank goodness for your friends because you struggled to get through the first day.

Mostly everyone was sympathetic but there was some people who sniggered when you walked past, whispered to their friends only it was so loud that you could hear.

I can't believe how gullible that idiot was

Imagine knowing the freak only got close to you for a bet

Serves that bitch and all the rest of Jason's idiots and the cheerleaders right for thinking they are so hot.

About time someone took them down a peg

Each thinly veiled barb cracked your already bleeding heart and you hurried to get away from the gossip.

It trickled out a couple days later, once the people had finished finding your pain hilarious, how anyone could find someone in pain to be funny was a mystery to you.

Whenever you saw Eddie you rushed away before he could speak to you, wouldn't look at his face because all you knew from him was lies.

Everything was a lie. He didn't love you, he never did. Your heart throbs with that realisation and you do your best to walk around school, head held up high and the heartbreak tucked up inside.

It was all an act but you were a great actor, you had to be to pretend like you weren't in agony on the inside.

...

It was the worst few weeks that Eddie could remember in a long long time, Dustin was disgusted with him and took a long time to talk to him.

His heart felt like it had been ripped in half and it was all his own fault, you wouldn't even look at him.

If he even attempted to try and speak to you it was to no avail.

The longest sentence you uttered was when he begged you to talk to him, even just one word.

All you said was ''goodbye Eddie" or that ''you didn't believe a word he said"

Steve picked you up from school with Robin every day, wouldn't even let Eddie go near you. Threatened to beat the shit out of him if he made you cry again.

He tried to speak to you again a few days later when Steve had eased up on guarding you, it was agonising weeks of you avoiding him.

You were coming out of cheer practice with Chrissy and another girl, Chrissy glared at him and the other girl looked like she wanted to kill him.

"Can we talk please, princess?'' he pleads and you ask your friends to give you a second and they do, very reluctantly still scowling at Eddie. He deserves that.

"I can't Eddie. I don't have anything to say to you" he swallows, his mind going a mile a minute, trying to think of what he can say to express how sorry he is.

''I messed up. I made a stupid mistake. The worst mistake, because I hurt you. I made a dumb bet to try and get back at assholes who bullied and made my friends and my life hell, it was mean and selfish and I wish I'd never done it" you listen to what he has to say and his heart aches when tears pool in your eyes.

"But you did do it, you couldn't even tell me the truth. You lied to me Eddie and all the time I was...I fell in love with you" he moves forward to cup your cheek, desperate for you to know that he loves you too.

"I love you, I fell in love with you and that's why I couldn't tell you. I couldn't lose you" you stare at him and don't speak for a few seconds, when you do the words split his heart in two.

"That's the thing, you lost me anyway" you walk away from him and he can't think of a single thing to say to stop you. Then he steels himself and runs to catch up with you.

"What Eddie?" you snap and he talks quickly, tripping over his words and anxious to get the words out.

"I hurt you badly, I fucked up and what I did was just fucking awful. I know that. I also know that I'm so in love with you, never thought I could feel this way for anyone but you snuck into my heart and it belongs only to you" you don't say anything but you don't rush away either, so Eddie says one more thing before you do decide to leave.

"I'll wait for you sweetheart, for however long it takes. I don't care how long I have to wait, you're worth every single second"

Tears pool in your eyes and you nod slightly. Ever so gently you squeeze his hand just a tiny bit then walk away, leaving Eddie determined as hell to win your trust again and maybe somewhere along the line your heart too.

💕

It took a while for you to even speak to Eddie for longer than five minutes, but he was nothing if not determined and patient, he's was not screwing this chance up.

At first, you didn't think Eddie was serious about waiting for you, but he was. Endlessly patient and sweet. Big brown eyes full of tenderness and joy when you spoke to him.

It was hard not to find him endearing, but he had hurt you badly and there was still a small part of you that held back, that was hesitant to get close, trying to protect your fragile heart that ached for you to give Eddie a chance.

It's Friday now and after an intense week of cheer practice, you can't wait to relax for the weekend.

Chrissy had been watching you looking at Eddie with longing, the exact same way Eddie looked at you for weeks now. To be honest it was beyond frustrating, the both of you loved one another, it was killing you both to be apart.

So that's why she was saying something to you today. More than anything she wanted you to be happy, if Eddie hurt you again just even a tiny bit then she would kick his ass.

That's before Steve go there first.

"Honey, what Eddie did was wrong and I'm mad as hell at him but anyone can see how sorry he is. He's so in love with you, maybe you could give him a second chance" Chrissy says to you as you sit down for lunch.

You rest your head on Chrissy's shoulder and let out a sigh. ''I want to, I want to so badly but I don't want to be heartbroken again''

Something tells Chrissy that Eddie wouldn't dare. That he would keep his promise to never hurt you so badly again.

She squeezes your hand reassuringly and it calms your anxiety down.

"Babe, he wouldn't dare. He's not stupid. Plus everyone might think I'm a sweetheart but I'll kick his ass if he did and Steve would too. Eddie won't lose you, not again"

The words play on your mind all day and when Eddie is hurrying to his truck at the end of Hellfire Club you pluck up your courage and go to speak to him.

"Eddie" the minute he sees you it's like his whole face lights up. A dimpled smile and brown eyes full of adoration greet you.

"Hey, sweetheart" longing fills the air, stifling you both and honestly you're pretty sick of it. So you take a leap, walk up to Eddie and take his hand.

"Would you mind if I asked you for a ride Eds?'' his hand tightens around yours and he grins, rushes to open the door to his truck and almost trips over his feet in the process. It's cute and you can't help but giggle.

He holds the door open for you. "Princess, your carriage awaits" you head inside.

The drive is short and sweet, Eddie once again being a gentleman as he opens the door for you to step out.

You thank him for the ride and before Eddie can head back into the truck, you kiss his cheek gently, then leave a sweet, chaste kiss on his lips.

The kiss leaves him looking dazed, he touches his cheek then his lips and there's that smile again, the one that melted your heart the first time you seen it.

"One more chance Eddie, if you hurt me again thats it. I mean it" he nods, his face serious as he takes in what you say.

"I swear you won't regret this princess, I love you and I'll spend every day proving that, do you... do you still love me?" he whimpers after a few seconds, his expression wide with worry and fear.

"I've never stopped" you answer back.

After your confession he practically does a little dance as he goes into his truck. Just before you open the door to your house, you hear his whoop of delight before he drives off.

The smile doesn't leave your face all night.

❤️

[candycandy00]

The Doll House - A Geto Suguru x Reader Fanfic Part 2

You sell yourself to a brothel to feed your family and Geto Suguru is in charge of training you to be the perfect submissive sex doll. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Read Toji’s Part Here!

Read Nanami’s Part Here!

Read Sukuna’s Part Here!

Read Gojo’s Part Here!

Read Choso’s Part Here!

AU! Each trainer will get their own story! This is Geto’s. I’m not sure how many parts it will have. If you’d like to be tagged in future parts, let me know! You must be an adult to be tagged! Any feedback whatsoever is adored!

Smut. 18+. Dubcon. Submission. Extreme humiliation. Voyeurism. Light degradation. Masturbation. Oral sex. Deep throating. Fingering. Public nudity. Lots of implied stuff with the other trainers. This is the “meet all the trainers” part. Divider by @benkeibear!

Suguru awakens to find his new doll in his bed, curled up to him in her sleep, her soft naked body warm against his. He raises up and looks at her sleeping face, already feeling guilty for the things he’ll be doing to her today. 

It was her bad luck that he was the only available trainer when she arrived. Well, better him than Sukuna he supposed, but she truly is a bad match for him. She’s naturally very shy and sensitive, making his humiliation-based training particularly hard for her. 

He doesn’t want to hurt her. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but preparing her for her life as a doll is the kindest thing he can do for her now that she’s already signed the contract. Without proper training and preparation, the next ten years will be hell for her. 

The early days of training are critical. It’s when boundaries and trust are established. One of the main elements of his style of training is building trust. She has to trust her master, to believe her master won’t hurt her, to look to her master for safety. Only then can she fully submit and give herself completely. 

To facilitate this, Suguru insists his doll remain naked during the training. Part of it is the humiliation angle, but more important is establishing for the doll that she can be totally vulnerable with him, and that he will protect her even when she has literally no other barrier against the rest of the world. And to drive that point home, he has to parade her around the house, letting the other trainers leer at her, but not allowing anyone to touch her. A couple of the trainers help him out with this, pretending to be more threatening than they actually are just so that he can appear more protective. 

She’s going to hate that. She’s probably going to cry. Fuck, why would a sweet young virgin like her come here in the first place? What was she thinking? She mentioned taking care of her family. He supposes that was a good enough reason if they were desperate, but it still bothers him. 

He climbs out of bed and stretches, then looks at her again. He’s already crossed a line he, as a trainer, shouldn’t have crossed. For his particular training, he never allows a doll to sleep in his bed with him. He’s supposed to be firm, unyielding, uncaring. In the past, if he’s shown even the smallest amount of compassion, it’s led to dolls becoming emotionally attached to him. That’s the cruelest thing that could happen to a doll, because they can’t stay with him. 

So when he senses that a doll might be developing feelings for him, he begins treating them more roughly, more coldly, and that usually nips the problem in the bud. 

But on the very first night, he let her sleep in his bed? Is he going mad? That’s a recipe for disaster and he knows it. So today, he won’t give an inch. He’ll be hard and cold as stone, to establish that all important boundary. 

***************

You wake up shivering. It takes you a moment to remember where you are, and your body subconsciously rolls over toward the other side of the bed, seeking warmth where it found some last night. But the bed is empty. As your mind clears, you realize the covers have been pulled away and you’re lying there in Suguru’s bed, naked, with nothing to cover you. 

Sitting up, you rub your eyes and look at the man standing at the foot of the bed, staring at you. Suguru looks perfect of course, every glossy hair in place, the loose clothing somehow looking sexy on him. You sigh as you try to smooth your hair out with your hands.

“Get up,” he says, and you immediately notice that his tone is a bit sharper than it was yesterday. “There’s a hairbrush in the bathroom you can use. Make yourself presentable so you don’t embarrass me in front of the other trainers.”

It takes every ounce of willpower you possess to resist giving him a look and pointing out that he’s not the one who’s going to be embarrassed. Instead you silently crawl out of his bed and head for the bathroom, very conscious of the fact that he’s watching your every move. 

When it’s time to leave his room, your heart starts hammering wildly again. You’re actually going to walk through this house completely naked. Everyone is going to see everything you have. You feel your face heating up and tears threatening to drip from your eyes. 

“Let’s get a few things straight,” Suguru says before he opens the door. “Do not try to cover yourself. Do not turn your back to anyone who approaches you. Do not try to hide behind me. The other trainers will likely see you. They might even stop to look at you more closely. But they aren’t allowed to touch you. If one of them tries, tell me immediately.”

You nod, feeling numb as a few stray tears leak down your face. 

“Answer properly.”

You look up at him. “Yes, Master Suguru.”

“Let’s go have breakfast then,” he says, and you feel a little sad that he’s seemingly stopped patting your head and smiling at you. 

Those thoughts evaporate as you take your first steps out of his room. The hallway is empty now, but you know you could run into someone at any moment. And there’s no doubt there will be people in the dining hall. 

You walk behind Suguru, looking at the floor, trying to pretend this isn’t happening. But as you start to pass by a particular door, it suddenly swings open and a tall, muscular man with black hair steps out. He has a scar on the corner of his mouth, and looks a little rough around the edges, but he’s undeniably handsome. He’s pulling a rather tight fitting shirt over his head as he says, “Hey, Geto, do you know what they’re serving for-“

He stops mid sentence when he notices you. He glances at Suguru, then his sharp green eyes focus on you. “This your new doll?” 

“Of course,” Suguru says. It’s pretty obvious. 

The man’s eyes slowly move up and down your body, making your skin flush all over. “Got a good one this time,” he says, and he actually licks his lips! 

You can do nothing but stand there, letting him look at you. You wish Suguru would move on already. 

Just then a feminine voice calls out from inside the room the man just opened. “Tojiiiii~ come back to bed!”

He turns his face toward the voice. “I’ll be right back. Gonna grab us some breakfast!”

A second later, a woman appears at the door. You notice two things immediately. One, she’s completely naked, like you, and two, she’s beautiful. She hooks one arm around the man she called Toji’s waist and says, “The only breakfast I want is your cock.”

Toji grins down at her. “You had my cock for breakfast yesterday. And for lunch. And dinner. And a midnight snack.”

She giggles, seeming completely unbothered by the fact that both you and Suguru are witnessing this exchange. You wish you had her confidence. 

Toji playfully slaps her bare ass. “You have to eat some real food or you might start losing weight,” he says with a laugh. “And then what am gonna hold onto while I’m pounding that pussy?”

She gives him a pouty look, but says, “Okay, but hurry back! I get lonely without you!”

Toji gives her a wave as he jogs down the hall, leaving the woman standing naked at the door. She looks at Suguru and says, “You two wanna come in?”

Your heart nearly stops. Are you going to be having orgies? With Suguru, this woman, and Toji?

But Suguru simply smiles at her and says, “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to pass.”

The woman shrugs and closes the door, leaving you alone in the hallway with your trainer. 

You hate to admit it, but the bizarre show you just saw makes you feel a little better. The woman in the room certainly didn’t mind being naked in front of other trainers. Maybe that was just normal around here. 

As the two of you move further down the hall, you’re startled by loud, desperate screaming coming from one of the closed rooms. You nearly jump out of your skin, reflexively grabbing Suguru’s arm. You release it quickly, thinking this might be against his rules, but he pulls you closer to himself and puts an arm around you. 

“It’s okay,” he tells you, “that’s just Sukuna’s room. Be thankful you didn’t get stuck with him.”

As you listen to the screams, you honestly can’t tell if they’re cries of agony or ecstasy. Maybe it’s both. “What’s he doing to her?” you ask, clinging to Suguru’s side. 

He looks genuinely disturbed as he says, “I don’t want to know.”

Once you move far enough away that you can’t hear the screams anymore, Suguru separates from you. It’s a cold, empty feeling and you hate it, but you know you can’t cling to him forever. 

You finally reach the dining hall, and your entire body goes rigid when you see that there are more people in here, more people that will see you naked. You quickly spot Toji standing at a long table full of food. He’s balancing two plates on his arm as he fills them with food. Aside from him, there are three couples. 

At a table close by, reading a newspaper, there’s a blonde man wearing strange glasses. He’s dressed in a very dapper style, with a button down shirt and a tie. Sitting in his lap is a pretty woman wearing a pale pink sundress that appears to be way too short for her. She has a pink bow in her hair, and she’s giggling like a school girl despite clearly being in her mid 20’s. You can’t hear what they’re talking about, but the man seems calm and collected while the woman seems slightly nervous as she fidgets in his lap, eating bites of food off the single plate sitting in front of them. 

Further into the room, you’re surprised to see a woman sitting on a table instead of in a chair. She’s wearing black leather boots that reach her thighs, and sitting in a chair in front of her, between her legs, is a pale young man with his hair pulled into two short ponytails, one on each side of his head. He’s holding a plate of food in one hand and feeding the woman with the other. 

“I didn’t know one of the trainers is a woman,” you say. 

Suguru laughs. “Oh, she’s not a trainer. The guy feeding her is. He trains dominant women.”

You can’t help staring at them, thinking to yourself that this woman got lucky. She gets to boss her trainer around? Sounds like a dream come true. 

Of these two couples, the men don’t so much as glance up at you, as if you don’t even exist. The women look at you briefly, seem uninterested, and return their focus to their trainers. 

But the third and final couple is a different story. Sitting in a chair at a table close by is a tall, impossibly beautiful man with white hair and sunglasses. Kneeling at his feet is a cute young woman who looks around your age. She’s technically clothed, but you’re not sure who should be more embarrassed, you or her. 

The “outfit” she’s wearing consists of what looks like bra and panties, each with black fur trim. The bra is so tiny that it barely covers her nipples, and the panties have a hole cut into the back so that a long furry black tail can hang out through them. It takes you a moment of staring to realize the tail is connected to something that’s literally stuck into her ass. You squirm at the thought. The woman can’t sit normally, it would be impossible, so she’s forced to kneel awkwardly on the floor in front of her trainer, who is pouring food into the palm of his hand and holding it down for her to eat, her pink tongue darting out to lick his hand. 

Suguru directs you to a chair and tells you to sit. You’re grateful to have the table in front of you, covering your lower half. 

“Wait right here, I’ll get us some food,” he says. 

You look at him with pleading eyes. “You’re going to leave me here?”

“I’m just going up to that table,” he says, pointing to the table full of food. “I’ll just be a moment.”

You hate the idea of being left alone, naked, in a room with strangers, but what choice do you have? You nod and then watch Suguru as he walks across the room. With every step he walks away, you feel more and more vulnerable. 

A few seconds after Suguru leaves, the white haired man stands up from his chair and walks toward you. That’s when you notice the bright pink leash attached to a matching collar around his doll’s neck, as she crawls on hands and knees beside him. You find yourself feeling even more sorry for her than you do for yourself. 

The white haired man stands right beside you and lowers his sunglasses, looking at you with eerie blue eyes. “Wow, you’re a cutie,” he says. “I bet you’d look great in a leash.”

You shrink away from him automatically. There’s something unsettling about him even though he’s every bit as beautiful as Suguru. He reaches one hand toward you, grinning as he says, “I bet you’re soft too…”

You draw back, closing your eyes and calling out, “Master Suguru!”

When you open your eyes, Suguru is standing between you and the other trainer, grabbing the arm of the white haired man. “Yo, Satoru,” Suguru says in a pleasant voice. “I see you’ve met my doll. You can look, but if you touch her, we’ll have a problem.”

There’s an edge to Suguru’s voice as he says that last part, a darkness in his eyes. The man he called Satoru backs away, slipping his arm from Suguru’s grip. 

“Oh, don’t be stingy, Suguru! I always offer to let you fuck my dolls!”

Suguru frowns at him. “And I always tell you that’s inappropriate for the training.”

Satoru laughs. “Don’t be such a stick in the mud! Kitty here said you have a pretty face. She said she’s fine with you doing whatever you want with her! Right, Kitty?” He jerks the leash, pulling his doll’s face up to look at Suguru. She looks like she’s definitely not fine with it, but she nods anyway. 

“No thanks,” Suguru says. “I don’t enjoy making dolls cry.”

Satoru looks at him curiously. “But they’re so cute when they cry!”

Suguru shakes his head. “You stick to your training style, I’ll stick to mine.”

After Satoru and his doll return to their table, Suguru sits down beside you and spreads out a couple of plates filled with delicious looking food. “Eat up,” he says. “You’ll need your strength.”

With zero hesitation, you begin eating, trying several different foods and loving all of them.  When you cram a large bite of waffles into your mouth, you can’t suppress a small squeal of delight. You’ve never eaten something so tasty before!

Then you remember where you are, who you’re sitting next to, and you look up at your trainer. He’s wearing a smile while he watches you eat, occasionally taking bites of his own food. There’s something warm about his expression that makes you blush. 

You glance around the dining hall. Toji has already left, carrying plates of food back to his room like a waiter, but someone else has appeared, moving along the length of the food table, filling a single plate. The man has a contradictory appearance. He has several black lines tattooed on his face and what’s visible of the rest of his body, and shocking pink hair. These wild traits are contrasted sharply with his surprisingly refined, elegant mannerisms. He’s wearing a silk robe, open at the chest to reveal more tattoos on his impressively muscular torso. But he carries himself like royalty. 

The man takes his plate, mostly full of various breakfast meats, and sits down at a table across the room. He looks up, seemingly notices you staring at him, and flashes you a grin full of teeth that are entirely too sharp. You flinch and look away from him, automatically clutching Suguru’s sleeve. 

“What’s the matter?” Suguru asks, then sees the tattooed man. “Oh, that’s Sukuna.”

You don’t dare look at the man again, so you stare at your plate. “The one who tortures his doll?”

“Well, I don’t know if his training includes actual torture, but I do know he does something very cruel to his dolls.”

You look at Suguru, waiting for him to go on. 

He avoids your gaze, picking at the food in front of him. “He lets his dolls get attached to him. In fact I think he encourages it. We never see the dolls he trains until they’re being sold to new owners. At that point they’re always making a scene, crying, begging to stay with him… it’s a mess. And Sukuna just stands there laughing, as if the whole thing is amusing.”

You chance another glance at Sukuna, then quickly look away. “Why would they want to stay with someone who hurts them?”

Suguru still doesn’t look at you as he answers. “You’d be surprised what people can be conditioned to enjoy. Look at Satoru’s doll. She’s almost as new as you are, so right now her training probably feels unbearable. But by the end, she’ll adore being treated like a pet.”

You’re quiet for a moment, then you ask him, “Will I enjoy being embarrassed and bossed around?”

He finally looks at you. “If I do my job correctly, yes.”

It hits you then, the truth of all this training. Suguru is training you to not just endure being treated this way, but to enjoy it. To love it. Because if you don’t, then you’re going to be absolutely miserable when you’re being treated this way by your eventual owner. You stare at him, suddenly feeling affection for him that goes beyond being physically attracted to his beauty. 

You blurt out a quiet, “Thank you,” and Suguru looks down at you with a surprised expression. 

As you finish eating, you look at the trainers again. Why is it that every single one of them is absurdly good looking? Maybe it’s a blessing. After all it’s easier to have sex with people you find attractive. But then again, maybe it’s a curse, because it’s way too easy to fall in love with men like these. And even you understand why that would be a terrible thing. 

When you get back to Suguru’s room, he wants to work on your training right away. He makes you masturbate in front of him again, which is somehow worse this time. Maybe it’s because you’re starting to like him, but doing insanely embarrassing things while he watches intently just makes you want to disappear. You try to stick to his rules, asking for his permission to cum and looking him in the eyes while you do it. 

After you’re finished, you expect to have to suck his cock again, but instead he motions toward his bed and says, “Climb on, but stay on your hands and knees.”

“Yes, Master Suguru,” you reply, getting onto the bed in the position he wants. 

You feel the bed shift as he gets on the mattress behind you, then you feel his hands on your thighs, pulling your knees widely apart. “Ah!” you cry out, realizing that your pussy is drenched and dripping from just cumming minutes ago, and it’s going to spill all over his fancy covers. 

You start to turn your head to look back at him, but his voice suddenly says, “Face forward. Don’t look back.”

Then, you feel his fingers on the flesh of your folds, opening you. A shudder ripples through you, being touched by him in this way for the first time. But it’s also, like usual, extremely embarrassing. He’s prying open and examining your messy, leaking cunt, and you can only whimper in response. When one of his fingers, or maybe his thumb, grazes over your clit, you gasp, holding the breath in your chest for a few seconds before remembering to breathe again. 

****************

Suguru stares at the spread open pussy in front of him, and wants to absolutely destroy it. 

His new doll is clearly in distress. She’s embarrassed, of course. He’d purposely made her pleasure herself first so that she’d be soaking wet, her own cum dripping down her thighs. But at the same time, she clearly wants him to touch her. As his fingers brush over her already sensitive and swollen clit, he can see her hole clenching around nothing. 

“Are you really a virgin?” he asks. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a virgin dripping so much before.”

She stiffens, her whole body going rigid. “Yes,” she murmurs, her voice quiet. 

“Answer in complete sentences.”

She hesitates, her body trembling now. “Yes, I’m really… a virgin… Master Suguru.”

He’s stroking her clit with circular motions, and she’s making cute little breathy moans. “I noticed you don’t finger yourself when you masturbate,” he says. “You only rub your clit. Why?”

Her skin is flushed, as if her whole body is blushing. “I’m… scared to… ahh…do that…”

“Scared to put your finger inside?” he asks, and at the same moment, edges one finger into her clenching hole, just up to the second knuckle. Her entire body jolts, and she makes a terrified yelping sound as she pulls away, off his finger. 

He sighs. “You panic when I even start to put one finger in? How are you going to handle a cock?”

She’s quiet for a moment, save for her rapid breathing. “I don’t know,” she finally says, and from the sound of her voice, she’s holding back tears. 

He puts his hands gently on her hips and scoots her back to him. “Did it hurt?”

“No. It just scared me.”

Suguru begins lightly stroking her clit again. “Let’s try it again, okay? I promise I won’t hurt you.”

There’s a moment of hesitation, then he hears her shaky voice say, “Okay.”

He eases his finger into her again, not deep enough to hurt, just barely enough for her to feel something inside her and clench around it. Her breath hitches as he gently pushes it in and out, never going deeper than that second knuckle, not wanting to scare her again. “How does that feel?” he asks her. 

She’s making those little moans again. “It feels… good… so good, Master Suguru.”

He uses the fingers on his other hand to rub her clit, and her legs quiver, barely holding her up. “M-may I please… cum… Master?”

“Hmm, I need to think about it,” he says teasingly, slowing down his strokes. 

“Please, Master Suguru,” she says, her hands gripping the covers. “It feels too good! I can’t hold back!”

He removes his finger completely and stops stroking her clit, giving her a moment to regain control. But the sudden loss of pleasure makes her whine. She pants for a moment, her pussy clenching air, arousal sliding down her thighs. 

Fuck, he wants to shove his dick all the way in on the first thrust. 

“Master Suguru?” she asks, her voice small and hesitant. 

He resumes his earlier motions as he says, “Yes?”

“Are you… going to have sex with me now?”

He blinks. He wasn’t expecting that question. “Do you want me to?”

She doesn’t respond, so he presses his finger just slightly further in. “Answer.”

“Y-yes! I… ahh… want you to… Master Suguru,” she gasps out the words, then says,  “May I please cum now?”

“Why do you want me to?” he asks, ignoring her pleas, still stroking her. 

Again, she doesn’t reply, only moans her sweet cries. 

He leans over her, putting his mouth close to her ear, and says, “Answer and I’ll let you cum.”

She shudders, her whole body trembling. “Because… you won’t hurt me.”

He draws back, staring at her soft, delicate form. “You can cum now,” he tells her, and she does. He watches her body spasm, her pussy clamp down on his finger as she moans loudly. And then she collapses on his bed, her face buried in his pillows. 

“I won’t fuck you tonight,” he says. “I don’t think you’re ready for that right now.”

She turns her face to look up at him, her eyes glossy and shimmering with unspilled tears, her face red from exertion and embarrassment. God, he wants to fuck her virgin pussy into oblivion. 

But he can’t. Not tonight. Maybe not ever. 

He hasn’t told the owner about his new doll being a virgin. If he does, he knows what will happen. He’ll be told to leave her “unspoiled” so that whoever her owner is will get the privilege of deflowering her. A fully trained virgin doll? It’s such a rarity that it’s almost unheard of. If a virgin ends up as a doll, it’s almost always on the direct market, not from a training establishment like this one. Because who could imagine a doll going through the training process without losing her virginity? And women who ended up at the Doll House were generally a bit older than the “barely legal” dolls who were often sold directly by their greedy families. 

Suguru is torn about what to do. On one hand, her value will double if the owner finds out she’s a virgin, and Suguru’s commission will be greatly increased. On the other hand, sending her out as a virgin doll would be cruel. She’d be totally unprepared for one of the biggest aspects of being a doll, not to mention the fact that he doesn’t know who her owner will be, what sort of person will be taking her first time. It could be a sadistic monster who would enjoy being as rough as possible on her. 

And then there’s the other reason he’s hesitant to pop her cherry. Being her first lover is a sure fire way to make her develop an emotional attachment to him, and he can’t allow that. And if he’s being totally honest with himself? He’s afraid he’ll develop an attachment to her. 

So for now, he’s holding back until he can decide what to do, even though he’s been imagining her tight little pussy stuffed full of his cock all day. He’s hard as a rock right now after watching her cum twice, so he pulls his erection out of his pants and looks at her. 

“You’ve been neglecting Master Cock all day,” he says, smiling at her and lightly stroking himself. 

A smile dances at the edge of her lips, but doesn’t fully spread across her face. She slides out of bed and to her knees in front of him. “I’m so sorry, Master Cock,” she says, looking at his shaft as she takes over stroking duties.

Her hands are soft and warm, still a little unsure in their movements, but she’s learning fast. She runs her tongue up and down the length before taking the entire thing in her mouth, part of him literally going down her tight, wet throat. She pulls back to breathe and to use her tongue to lap at his leaking tip. 

He doesn’t have to give her directions this time. She’s using her whole mouth, tongue and lips and throat, to pleasure him. She’s taking him in so deep that she’s occasionally gagging, as if she can’t get enough of his cock, as if she worships it. 

His eyes are glued to her. She looks so fucking pretty on her knees between his legs, choking on his cock. But he thinks she might be even prettier with that cute face covered in his cum. 

She can tell he’s close, from the way his dick is twitching in her mouth or from the quiet moans he’s trying to suppress, he’s not sure. But she pulls back and looks up at him with the sweetest expression as she says, “May I please have your cum, Master Suguru?”

He’d much rather be shooting it into her womb, but painting her face with it is the next best thing. She opens her mouth and extends her tongue, and he lets his cum shoot out across her nose, in her mouth, over one eye, splattering her cheeks and chin. 

It seems that she didn’t expect that. She probably thought he’d cum on her tongue again, but she’s handling it well. No panicking or trying to immediately wipe it off. Instead she looks up at him. “Is it okay if I clean my face, Master Suguru?”

He tilts his head to the side, letting the small front strand of hair fall over one eye. “Oh? After I went to the trouble of making you so pretty? I thought you’d at least keep it on until after lunch.”

There’s finally a spark of alarm in her eyes, but before she can say anything, he laughs. “I’m just joking. You can go wash your face in the bathroom.”

“Thank you, Master Suguru!” 

He watches her get to her feet and step lightly into the bathroom, then sighs to himself. He’d planned to be a little harder on her today, but he just can’t bring himself to be too cold or cruel to her. She has a glow to her that he can’t diminish. At least for now. 

But this situation can’t last forever. He’ll have to make some important decisions, and make them soon. For her sake as well as his. 

Tag List:

@suguguro @kaedear @onyxsphynx @poopoobuttsy @butterskyy @collectionofdolls @akaotv

[rookthorne]

⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ 𝐊𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐛𝐬

Your hero was determined to save the day, but you were about to discover something more precious than his priceless smile.

჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻ 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 ღ Nurse!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 ღ 999

჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 ღ Fluff, literal tooth rotting fluff, period fic, sick fic, hurt/comfort

჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻ 𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 ღ Look, I fell in love with Nurse!Bucky and it seems a lot of you did too.

჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻ 𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 ღ Stuff We Did by Michael Giacchino

჻჻჻჻჻჻჻჻ 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 ღ @the-slumberparty Week 3 Artistic Liberty Challenge — Masterlist

𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑲𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺 ღ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒍𝒍.

𝐀 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

It had been a few weeks since you were discharged, and by some miracle, it had been a few weeks since your favourite nurse had slipped you a piece of paper with his phone number. You still couldn’t believe it. The two of you hit it off so well when he took you out for coffee on one of his days off, that, naturally, you gathered up what courage you had and asked him out. It was how you had ended up being Bucky’s girlfriend. 

Life wasn’t always going to be so kind, however.

It was like being run over by a truck, and then a train, and just to make matters even better, your period was the final touch. 

You could hear rain pattering against the window and you felt a rush of gratitude to your past self for having the brilliant idea to gather blankets the night before. 

Then, the realisation dawned on you that today was the day - Bucky had today off and he was planning to take you out for a surprise, and you groaned aloud. You reached for your phone and snatched it from your bedside cupboard, the screen lighting up to show a cute selfie you had coerced Bucky into taking, on your first date. 

Bucky’s number dialled and you shuffled back into the covers, burrowing into self-pity while your stomach cramped and everything ached. You didn’t want to disappoint Bucky, but you didn’t think you could even stand long enough to prepare any damn food, let alone cope with the ‘surprise’. 

“Hey, baby girl!”

It was an effort to stem the tears and choke back a sob. “Hey, Buck,” you replied. “I, uh–I’m sorry, I can’t do today-”

“What’s wrong, are you alright?”

You could hear the concern in his voice and you pictured him frowning, a deep furrow between his brows. “I’m sick again, a-and I got my period and-” The dam broke. Your sobs were quiet and muffled behind your hand but you could hear Bucky on the line moving around. 

“Hey, you’re alright, baby, hang on-” There was a clatter and a distant muffled curse. “Are you at your place?”

Nodding automatically, you realised he couldn’t see. “Yeah, I am, please you don’t need-”

“Nuh-uh, stop that.” There were more clattering sounds and then you heard the rustle of a coat. “I need to make a couple stops first, and then I am going to come and take care of my girl, whether she wants me to, or not.”

Sniffling and hiccuping, you didn’t answer. “You sit tight, baby. Can you get up for me and have some water?” You attempted to move but a rippling pain tore through your stomach and hips, all the way up to your shoulders and down to your toes. Your cry of pain was enough to make Bucky speak louder into the phone, “Okay, no, you stay there, I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Can you time me, baby girl? It’ll distract you, and if I am late, every minute is a tub of ice-cream I owe you.”

“Okay,” you whispered, hoping that the gratitude you felt could be heard in your small voice. 

“Atta girl, I’ll see you soon.” The line clicked and you opened the timer, doing as he had said. 

Twenty-seven minutes later, there was a shuffling sound at your front door, then a quiet knock. “It’s me, baby girl, can you open the door? Or should I get Wanda?” You pulled your phone closer and messaged: Wanda has the key, she’s WFH today. 

Footsteps sounded and then voices sounded out your door - your neighbour, Wanda, was a close friend and the two of you had keys to one another’s apartments, in the likely event that either of you forgot your keys. “Give her my love, Bucky,” Wanda said and you heard a set of footsteps retreating, while the lock on your front door unlocked with a quiet click. 

“Hey, baby, I’m here.” The door creaked closed and then you could hear Bucky walking around your apartment. “Where are ya, sweetheart?” Bags rustled in his hands and then his head appeared around your doorway, finding you at last amongst your burrito of blankets. “There you are.”

Bucky padded softly into your room and you watched with glassy eyes as he placed down a bag from Target and CVS on the end of your bed, and a brown paper bag on your bedside cupboard. “How’s my girl?”

“I look and feel horrible-”

“You are never not beautiful, even when you’re hurting.” Bucky knelt down so he could look into your face. “Baby, I am a nurse, remember? Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

You were silent for a moment and Bucky brushed his thumb over your cheek, over the tear tracks. “I feel crappy and everything hurts, and my tummy aches.”

“Well, I have a couple things,” Bucky began, shuffling over to grab the Target bag. “This lil’ fella,” he pulled free a teddy, the material soft and fluffy and in your favourite colour. You stared in shock at the bear. “I knew he was perfect for you.” 

Bucky offered you the bear, and you held him to your chest, tears falling down your cheeks. “And I brought some pain relief–I didn’t know what you preferred so I just bought the lot, and some pads, tampons, that sorta thing–and a hot water bottle, and some soup,” he gestured to the paper bag. 

“Thank you,” you whispered, staring at him with wide eyes. Bucky smiled. 

“How about a warm bath, and then we have a movie marathon?” You nodded and Bucky helped you to the shower.

Bucky had kept himself occupied by changing your sheets, being sure to pile the blankets back on, and you couldn’t ignore how your heart fluttered at the sight of him concentrating on making your safe space comfortable. When he looked up to find you in the doorway, he smiled. 

And dammit all, you fell in love. 

⠈⠂⠄ 𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 | 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 | 𝐚𝐨𝟑 ⠄⠂⠁

⠈⠂⠄ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 ⠄⠂⠁

[cinematicnomad]

cinematicnomad's steddie fic recs

i've been reading a lot of stranger things steddie fics over the past 2 months so i've decided it's time for me to make one of my requisite fic reclists, both for myself, and for anyone else interested. here's my usual reminder that i prefer lengthy fics, and that i am also a sucker for canon divergent fics (which basically all of these are bc eddie is alive post s4 obviously unless it's a time loop fic—if i tag a fic as "canon divergent eddie lives", assume this means the fic is compliant through the end of s4 except for eddie's death) and happy endings. all these fics are complete, though it's possible that if the fic is part of a series the series may not be complete. i will try to always add appropriate tags!

T = teen M = mature Ex = explicit NR = not rated

bracing for impact by writersagainstwritersblock (1/1 | 9k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; wayne POV; steve has bad parents; outsider POV

wayne watches as eddie falls hopelessly in love, with of all people, goddamn steve harrington.

it's not a big deal by aidaronan (1/1 | 11k+ | M) canon divergent eddie lives; alternating POV; mutual pining; angst w/ a happy ending

eddie survives, but his entire life is locked away in the upside down forever (his books, his dnd stuff, his guitar.) everything that wasn't on eddie when steve carried him into the ER, gone. so naturally steve starts giving him things. handing eddie back those little outward markers of who he is.

you oughta know by thisapplepielife / @thisapplepielife (1/1 | 12k+ | M) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; future fic; angst w/ a happy ending

days stretch out, long and slow. steve tries to ignore the only thing he’s sure of: eddie ran. he ran from him, ran from all of them. or: steve's having a rough couple of years, thanks for asking. compliant fic: i'm brave, but i'm chicken shit (1/1 | 13k+ | M) eddie POV; eddie centric; 1990s; recreational drug use

introduced me to my mind by alchemystique (2/2 | 16k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; mutual pining; getting together; happy ending

"eddie," wayne says, and eddie fights the urge to scream, or laugh, or cry. "i'm not running," eddie tells him, even though that is a fucking lie. "you should call him more," wayne says, and eddie rubs the meat of his palm into his eyeballs until he sees stars. doesn’t think about what 'call him more' means in context—do they talk about him? series: sweet leaf (4/4 | 16k+ | T) outsider POVs; rockstar!eddie; period typical homophobia

steve harrington's guide to making it work by eggbertsheggbert (8/8 | 23k+ | NR) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; bad harrington parents; steve is kicked out; angst w/ a happy ending

steve harrington has never been good at asking for help. especially not since he started being seen as the protector of the group. so, when his parents kick him out after discovering his sexuality, he figures he can get extra shifts, save up, and get a place before anyone realizes anything is wrong. join steve as he takes on the weight of the world. he's got it figured out, he's definitely NOT struggling, and—above all else—he can make this work.

the power of love by lacerta26 (8/8 | 27k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; outsider POVs; series; post-canon; coming out

jim gets mostly to the end of the house and then someone speaks. "i came out here for a smoke," eddie, his voice low, hushed. "yeah, but this is much more fun," steve now, almost laughing but not quite. * jim had only stepped out for a cigarette when he learns something new about steve and eddie and if this was one of the boys bringing home a girl, he’d have the exact stern words to make sure they were being a gentleman but his usual shovel talk isn't quite going to cut it because he has to let them know it's fine, more than fine, for them to be who they are, here. 

hands where i can see them by SolarMorrigan / @solarmorrigan (12/12 | 29k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; multiple POV; established relationship; emotional hurt/comfort

eddie thinks that he and steve have a good thing going; being friends with benefits is honestly a pretty sweet deal. steve is a great friend, the sex is great, everything is great. except for the fact that steve hadn't realized they were only friends with benefits. except for the fact that steve thought they were in a relationship. except for the fact that eddie doesn't realize how much he'd valued that relationship until it's gone (and he's trying his damnedest to get it back).

it's alright if you love me by alivingfire (7/7 | 31k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; outsider POV; character study; 5+1; steve-centric; hurt/comfort

"oh, haven't you heard? steve harrington doesn't cry." in which steve harrington breaks up, breaks a few hearts (including his own), breaks free, and finally gets to break down. or: 5 times steve didn't cry, and 1 time he did.

off the beaten path by pukner (6/6 | 34k+ | M) canon divergent post s3; alternating POV; queer awakenings; cliffhanger ending (must read sequels)*

"i'm saying this," says steve, loudly, cutting him off, "because someone i love is, uh, gay. and i love them, but like, platonically. and also me calling you a queer might've been a little hypocritical, in retrospect." there is a long, baffled pause. "what," says jonathan, "steve, are you—are you coming out to me?" steve frowns, "oh, yeah, i guess i am. cool." or, post season 3, steve manages to figure out that he's bisexual, despite his best efforts to repress it, comes out to robin and jonathan byers of all people, and figures himself out. also, there's a cute guy who might be actually insane running the kids' dnd club and he's got his eye on him. and his bandana. too bad eddie munson hasn't had a similar revelation. he's still under the impression that he's a straight man obsessing over steve harrington for normal, extremely heterosexual reasons. OR: steve figures out he's bi before eddie figures out that he's gay. eddie still manages to fall first. series: *off-script (2/2 | 67k+ | Ex) eddie POV; internalized homophobia; mutual pining

a tattoo is worth a thousand words by writersagainstwritersblock (18/18 | 40k+ | M) canon divergent post s3; eddie POV; babysitter steve harrington; getting together

"ambidextrous, princess, it’s what makes me so good with my hands." eddie wiggled his fingers. "you mean for guitar?" steve asked, completely missing the innuendo, and also nearly knocking eddie flat at the thought that steve harrington knew he played guitar. "you stalking me or something?" eddie asked. steve frowned. "uh, no, but your band played in the middle school talent show, it's pretty hard to forget a thirteen year old screaming death metal before his voice dropped." eddie almost laughed at that. almost. "you saying i'm unforgettable, princess?" "if that’s how you want to take it, munson." eddie realized this was turning towards something far more dangerous than taunting a boy known for getting into fights, like flirting with a very, very straight boy known for getting into fights. OR after the events of season three steve shows up on eddie's doorstep asking for a tattoo... and then keeps showing up much to the dismay of eddie's traitorous heart. sequel: visible ink (12/12 | 57k+ | M) outsider POVs; firefighter!steve; tattoo artist!eddie; found family

the one in which a time loop is fucking exhausting. by badpancake (12/12 | 41k+ | T) canon compliant; time loop; steve POV; temporary character death; suicide; angst w/ a happy ending

it’s the first time in a while that he doesn’t know what comes next. he’s dove into the water hundreds of times. screamed as his flesh was torn apart, heard master of puppets in the distance and held back tears. felt max’s cold, small hand in his as she laid in the hospital bed. there are things that always happen, no matter how hard he tries: el doesn’t arrive in time. eddie dies. max is put in a coma. steve fails. they lose. "steve, how many loops have you been through?" his head is nodding, and his eyes are watery, and eddie has approached him like a spooked animal. "i lost count.” AKA: the one where steve harrington is stuck in a time loop, and eddie munson is really fucking hard to save, or: fuck volume 2, these bitches are in love.

steve the reluctant by rachtay13 (7/7 | 46k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; oblivious steve; steve plays dnd

robin raised her brows.  "you know what, harrington?" she nodded her head. "yeah, you know what? i dare you to make a friend. i dare you." read for steve in denial, excessive d&d gameplay, robin as a mermaid, and eddie's glinting rings. as one reader said "the most frustratingly dense version of steve i have ever read and i am HERE for it."

you're so fucked up and i love it by genericfanatic (18/18 | 54k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; eddie POV; accidental relationship; hurt/comfort

eddie munson hated steve harrington. he'd apparently saved his life, dragged him out of hell and got him to a hospital while nancy rushed behind him working on alibis and half truths to prove he couldn’t have murdered chrissy. and here he was, doomed to live for the foreseeable future, in debt forever to steve fucking harrington. but eddie really hated how normal steve fucking was.

where do we go from here? (quietly fading away) by allandmore (9/9 | 60k+ | M) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; angst w/ a happy ending; non-graphic violence

"what's scarier than saving the world? figuring out what to do afterwards. i get it," eddie turns on his side, one shoulder on the wall, and grips the front of steve's shirt. His face is so close steve can feel the warmth of his breath. "but we've got time now. right, steve? we bought us all time. time to figure all our shit out. isn’t that what matters?" OR steve harrington struggles to find purpose after the upside down. (but maybe purpose doesn't have to be big. maybe it's helping dustin navigate sophomore year. maybe it's reminding robin to send in college admission letters. maybe it's eddie munson. maybe).

star of the masquerade by glorious_spoon (6/6 | 64k+ | M) canon compliant; eddie POV; time loop; temporary character death; angst w/ a happy ending

steve jerks awake, sitting up so quickly that robin almost topples over and staring wildly around the room. when his gaze lands on eddie, he blanches visibly. "oh, shit," he mutters. "come on, no. come on. not again." "harrington?" eddie asks slowly. he does not love the way that steve is staring at him right now. he really doesn’t. steve looks like he’s staring at a ghost, a bloodied monster, like eddie is something that should not exist in the light of day. "you good, dude?"

one size fits all by entanglednow (10/10 | 65k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; fake/pretend relationship; misunderstandings; slow burn

steve just wanted to do something nice for a friend, he doesn't mean to get eddie's ring stuck on his finger, and it's definitely not his fault that everyone he knows is jumping to conclusions.

renegades (leave a light on) by queerofthedagger (13/13 | 66k+ | Ex) canon divergent s2; eddie POV; road trip; slow burn; strangers to lovers

eddie doesn't expect to get into trouble for his recent drug business, although he probably should have. even less does he expect steve harrington of all people to save his sorry ass with a nail bat that looks awfully at home in his hands. least of all, though, does he expect harrington to insist on skipping town for a while to avoid the fallout. the winter holidays of '84 seem intent on proving him wrong on all fronts. thrown into a spontaneous road trip-slash-cut-and-run to san francisco—just until things back home blow over, munson—eddie has all the time in the world to confront such questions as: why would harrington care to help him? why does he wake up from nightmares more often than not? and, maybe most importantly, why is the former king so ready to leave hawkins behind on a whim? or: idiot boys make impulsive idiot decisions, and along the way—reluctantly but inevitably—they fall in love. a story of endless winter streets, finding family, and leaving home to find a new one.

falling without caution (people watching) by super_skam310 (10/10 | 66k+ | NR) canon divergent eddie lives; eddie POV; slow burn; eventual happy ending

steve harrington is a man that demands your attention; whether your give it willingly or not is inconsequential. eddie's camp tended to be in the latter category. OR eddie's borderline obsessive watching of steve spanning from steve's freshman year to season 4, culminating in the unfortunate realization that the king had been dethroned the moment nail bat hit monster flesh and that maybe steve harrington was lovable all along.

in the margins by foxy_mulder (4/4 | 70k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; angst w/ a happy ending; suicidal thoughts; hurt/comfort

steve is having a hard time adjusting to the new normal, after everything that went down. he doesn't want to bother his friends with his problems, though, when they've got so much weight on their shoulders already. steve stumbles on an alternate version of hawkins, where none of it ever happened. everyone’s alive, his headaches are gone, his friends actually want to hang out with him, and he’s…happy. (the party has to fight another monster. but this one doesn't prey on people's fears. it preys on their deepest desires.)

skull rock era by chattrekisses (11/11 | 71k+ | Ex) canon divergent s2; steve POV; slow burn; internalized homophobia; fix-it

steve harrington never planned for eddie munson. steve was supposed to marry his high school sweetheart, have 2.5 children, and take over the family business. he was supposed to live a blissful life on a nondescript cul-de-sac, complete with a white picket fence and a closet full of tasteful polo shirts. he was supposed to make a graceful transition between being the golden boy and being the american dream. mediocrity was what destiny had designed for steve. reality had other plans. (or, steve and eddie, against all odds, fall in love.)

roll for seduction by spikeisthebigbad (37/37 | 74k+ | Ex) canon divergent post s3; steve POV; steve plays dnd; fix-it

when steve reluctantly agreed to play dungeons and dragons with the hellfire club he expected to hate every second. he did not expect to spend his friday nights flirting with eddie munson. what if eddie and steve were dating during season 4? starts after season 3, and eventually ventures into season 4. not canon compliant.

in over my head by staymagical (16/16 | 75k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; alternating POV; head trauma; temporary amnesia

one moment, steve is entering his room, ready for bed, and the next he's in forest hills staring at a very confused very concerned eddie and the run-down remains of the old munson trailer. three hours later. thus begins a secret shared between friends, steve leaning on eddie as they try and understand and navigate this new terrifying post-concussion symptom of steve's. with vecna dead and the gates closed, it can only be steve's own scrambled brain giving up on reality. it's a race against the unknown, trying to find answers and search for solutions before it happens again and steve isn't sure how long he can keep pretending he is alright when he is anything but.

leave the light on sometimes all night by anniebibananie (7/7 | 78k+ | M) au—no upside down; steve POV; hurt/comfort; slow burn; eventual smut

june 1986 steve is lonely. he’s always been lonely, honestly. an empty house, absent parents, friends that didn’t really know him. frankly, he probably doesn’t really know himself, either. it used to be easier to ignore—between sports and parties and searching for the next girl to hang around with. then nancy wheeler told him he was bullshit. in the wreckage of the storm, he realized she probably hadn’t been that off base to call his life bullshit. [life in hawkins, indiana is boring, ordinary, no supernatural entities. steve still changes. luckily, he still makes some new friends, too. certain people are simply meant to be in the same story.]

the lathe by palmviolet (13/13 | 82k+ | M) canon compliant; steve POV; time loop; fix-it; angst w/ a happy ending; implied self-harm

"this time, do it right. this time eddie won’t bleed out in his arms, in anyone’s arms. this time, steve will do it right." — or, steve relives the day they try to kill vecna over and over, and eddie just can't seem to stop dying. steve finds this totally unacceptable. sequel: disaster / lucky (1/1 | 7k+ | M) coda; eddie POV; implied/referenced self-harm; trauma recovery

it's got what it takes by rose235b (20/20 | 83k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; friends to lovers; slow burn

“i can walk you to your car if you need to go though.” eddie’s hand stopped moving. robin’s eyes snapped towards steve as if it wasn’t a nice thing to offer. “i’ll just maybe grab the vest so i can leave it for tomorrow.” he was undeterred though. if he could help eddie munson after the worst period of his life by literally just walking, steve would walk across the entire state of indiana. eddie looked back at him, his eyes narrowing slightly as he seemed to search for something on steve’s face. “okay.” it came out softer than steve was used to eddie being. steve's on his never ending quest to make up for past mistakes. eddie's post-vecna mess of a life seems like the perfect place to start. - or, two idiots fall in love very slowly to the tune of 80s music.

(something happens and i'm) head over heels by gibbouslunation (11/11 | 94k+ | T) canon divergent eddie lives; alternating POV; head trauma; angst w/ a happy ending

eddie made a strangled disbelieving noise, expression flickering. "you are not apologizing to me right now, for like, feeling a normal way about stuff. i can’t believe you." steve pushed a shaking hand through his hair. his heart rate no longer in his ears meant he felt he could at least think a little more clearly. "maybe it was the heat. doesn’t always have to be something messed up, right?" eddie gave him a placating nod. "sure, heat exhaustion is a helluva thing." it had been happening a lot recently. the…forgetting. zonking out. whatever. he was pretty sure he was just extra exhausted, it had been a few weeks since everything but it might have just been the adrenaline or something finally wearing off. sometimes it was like he just forgot someone was speaking, or couldn’t remember for a moment what they’d been talking about. like blinking out of a fog maybe. it does not get better, in fact, it actually continues to get worse.

water closet by stillmadaboutpetra (7/7 | 103k+ | M) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; found family; slow burn; character study

steve's heard that a lot of life changing conversations usually happen in the kitchen or on the porch, but in his experience, it's the bathroom. a series of bathroom conversations (plus a whole lot of everything else) that slowly change steve, and his little world, in the wake of surviving vecna.

burned on the pyre by oklahoma (13/13 | 105k+ | Ex) canon compliant; steve POV; time loop; temporary character death; angst w/ a happy ending

"i’m gonna save your life, eddie munson." - caught in a time loop created by eleven where he is forced to relive the same day over and over, steve has to come up with a plan to kill vecna entirely while also making sure eddie and max don’t lose their lives in the process.

the beat has just begun by forgetthemoon (12/12 | 106k+ | M) canon compliant; steve POV; period-typical homophobia; fix it; slow burn

vecna dies. so does eddie. the world doesn't split open. in the aftermath, steve goes home to an empty house. well. almost empty. steve sighs, hanging his head. one more thing. then he can go to bed. the dirty towel can wait until later. he tosses it towards the bathtub without looking and turns to the sink, grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste. when he looks in the mirror, eddie's staring back at him.

lonely is the night by intrajanelle (23/23 | 109k+ | T) canon divergent post s2; canon rewrite; eddie POV; hurt steve; angst w/ a happy ending

harrington had fallen, splayed in front of his preppy little beemer, like the jock equivalent of a fallen fucking angel. eddie, not having thought this through, watched harrington’s eyes roll to the back of his head, and said, "well, crap." or: post-season 2, eddie and steve get to know one another.

i can give you a heartbeat by soupbitchin (14/14 | 113k+ | T) canon compliant; eddie POV; ghost!eddie; happy ending; fix-it

being dead isn’t like eddie thought it would be. for starters, he’s a lot more alive than he expected. or, the ghost of eddie munson’s still hanging around, and he’d really appreciate if someone could notice him, thanks.

the end is here (and we do it a hundred times over) by placebythering (13/13 | 125k+ | M) canon compliant; steve POV; time loop; temporary death; suicide; angst w/ a happy ending

steve jolts awake, staring up into the dull beige of the camper’s ceiling. there’s a distinct brown stain, likely from a leak. the cushion of the back seat is hard against his back, and if he strains he could hear yelling and laughing from the outside. he wonders if he’s finally lost his fucking mind. —or, steve relives the day of the end over and over again.

caught in the middle, helpless again by margosfairyeye (14/14 | 131k+ | Ex) canon compliant; eddie POV; time loop; angst w/ a happy ending; canon-typical violence

fuck, eddie has been here before. the deja vu was bad enough but this is like, double, this is like deja deja vu or deja vu vu or something, this is unprecedented shit here. and eddie knows what comes next, knows like the roiling ache in his stomach that they’re going to go in, go though the portal and into the upside fucking down and didn’t they already do this? -- -- eddie loops through the time from lover's lake to his death, over and over again.

blood, love, and rhetoric by sourpastels / @lesbiansidney (18/18 | 143k+ | M) canon compliant; alternating POV; eddie lives; canon typical violence; accidental roommates

eddie believes three core things about the art of performance. 1. all the world's a stage. 2. performance is both a weapon and a shield, he wields it as both. and 3. you can’t act death. to quote stoppard: “it’s not gasps and blood and falling about—that isn’t what makes it death. it’s just a man failing to reappear, that’s all…” and eddie had gasped and bled and fell about, and was foolish enough in that moment to believe that was death. but he forgot a crucial step: he reappeared. or: steve is taking it day by day, flitting between the high school and the hospital and hopper’s cabin, locking any thoughts of eddie munson away at the back of his mind. meanwhile, eddie is just trying to get out of the upside down, with nothing but a nail-shield and the world's worst company.

sleight of hand by smithereen (19/19 | 143k+ | Ex) canon divergent post s2; alternating POV; internalized homophobia; slow burn

steve needs a weed dealer. he gets a bit more than that. (this is an AU set a couple months after the snow ball in season 2.)

take the money and run by thisapplepielife / @thisapplepielife (22/22 |143k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; alternating POV; road trip; getting together; future fic

"rules. like, there’ll be no eating in my car. you're not driving my car. no heavy metal," steve keeps listing, "you’re not picking up women and fucking them in m—" "i'll try to control myself," eddie interrupts with a quip, a smirk. fucking girls in steve’s car, or anywhere else for that matter, isn’t going to be an issue, unless something pretty fundamental shifts in him. steve continues, completely ignoring eddie, "you’ll wipe your feet. you're not dragging dirt all over my car. no hitchhikers. no cutesy road games. no smoking in the car. i'm not paying for all the gas." "ass, gas or grass, got it," eddie says, like he's taking this very seriously. he is not taking this seriously. or: road trip!

if your heart surrenders by asbealthgn (39/39 | 163k+ | Ex) canon divergent pre-s1; alternating POV; slow burn; secret relationship; angst w/ a happy ending

“that one’s on the house, okay?” eddie says, and steve opens his eyes to look back down at him. on his face is the slightest hint of concern, and something else steve can’t place. he’s still holding his hand. "thank you," steve says. he’s not sure exactly which thing he’s thanking eddie for, the weed or the hand in his or the lack of judgment at his fucked up head. he just knows that he’s grateful. eddie gives him a smile, a gentle curve of those pretty lips. "anytime, harrington."

tuesday's gone with the wind by thisapplepielife / @thisapplepielife (9/9 | 184k+ | Ex) alternate universe – no upside down; eddie POV; rock band; drug use; plane crash

corroded coffin's leased plane went down on june 13th, 1995 in the woods of louisiana. ten people on board died. eddie munson survived. before he survived, he really lived. companion series: wildflowers...and all the rest (15/15 | 151k+ | Ex) gareth POV; original female character; one shots; growing old; slice of life

gossip by jcmadgirl (11/11 | 213k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; pre-canon; sexual assault; angst w/ a happy ending

steve's whole life story, told through multiple snapshots of the events that made him into the person that he is today. or, a rewriting of stranger things from steve's POV.

i never did believe in miracles (but i've a feeling it's time to try) by cuoredimuschio (26/26 | 215k+ | M) canon divergent eddie lives; multiple POV; slow burn; mutual pining; getting together

eddie is beginning to think that, somewhere in the helter-skelter of surviving the upside down, being swarmed by possibly rabid but definitely rancid demobats, and charbroiling vecna’s slimy ass, he accidentally tripped through the wrong gate and landed in an alternate dimension. well, a different alternate dimension than the one he was already in. because steve harrington is flirting with him.

vignettes of lost connections by hardlyhalcyon (halcyonfrost) (50/50 | 229k+ | Ex) canon divergent pre-s1; alternating POV; secret relationship; angst w/ a happy ending

steve harrington and eddie munson had met long before dustin henderson dragged steve down to reefer rick's cabin. hawkins wasn't a huge town, and there was only the one high school, but the two were never friends. didn't even like each other. in all their darkest moments however, they somehow found company together. or the one where steve has depression, eddie becomes his safe space, and when eddie encounters battles he can't fight, steve reminds eddie of his own strength. a pre-/peri-/post-s4 fic with steddie before s4 events, continuing through and after.

as the world falls down by daeneryske (36/36 | 245k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; steve POV; bad harrington parents; period typical homophobia; angst w/ a happy ending

after saving eddie from the upside down, steve hides him at his house while the party concocts a plot to clear eddie's name. what steve doesn't expect is how much he likes hanging out with eddie as they get to know each other. under the looming shadow of the mind flayer threatening to destroy hawkins, steve and eddie realize they're each grappling with their own darkness, from steve's father's impossible expectations to eddie's feelings of worthlessness. their friendship develops into something more even as the party prepares to fight Vecna and his monsters one last time. steve must decide if he's ready to shrug off the rigid roles assigned to him and become his own person. eddie must learn to embrace what steve has been trying to show him every day since nearly dying: that he's worth saving.

nothing else matters by bigskyandthecoldgun (31/31 | 279k+ | Ex) canon divergent post s2; steve POV; secret relationship; period typical attitudes; everybody lives

"you ask a lot of questions about me," steve tells him. "because you're interesting," munson says, quiet and honest. "you're a lot different than what i've heard." steve hums, eyes closed. "yeah," he says, eyes fluttering open when munson takes the joint from him again, "you are, too." or: steve ditches the prom to get high.

the man that i could be by ohstars (26/26 | 325k+ | Ex) canon divergent post s3; steve POV; secret relationship; period typical homophobia; angst w/ a happy ending

"steve harrington isn't straight. it's been a few weeks since he sat on that bathroom floor at starcourt with robin, where she shared her biggest secret with him and unintentionally unlocked an entirely new side of steve. since he’s had to come to terms with being open to exploring that side of him, but he's finally acknowledged that he's most likely, definitely, without a doubt into guys." -- after coming to terms that he may be queer, steve harrington does a little exploration on his own and meets the one and only eddie munson. just as things are going well and accepted the fact he's falling for eddie in their own little bubble, steve's world is shaken by a tragedy he can't quite talk about. and when the dust settles and he's nearly ready to put the pieces back together, his worlds collide when he realizes his eddie is the same eddie playing D&D with the kids. the same eddie who's now wanted for murder thanks to another upside down monster. how will he save the day when he can barely focus watching his ex mingle with his monster fighting team? series: the men we've become (4/4 | 45k+ | M) future fics; alternating POVs; domestic living

since you've gone (i've been lost without a trace) by steddieeddie (7/7 | 300k+ | M) canon divergent s4; multiple POV; comatose steve; grief; angst w/ a happy ending

may 31st 1986, two weeks until graduation. robin, eddie, and nancy are all set to walk across the stage, eddie being given a free pass after the whole ‘almost framed for murder’ thing. the three have been trying to be excited about their graduation, but it feels almost mundane to be excited when steve wouldn’t be there. they would be sat out on a football field in the blistering heat while waiting for their names to be called, with dustin and max in the crowd, cheering them on in steve's place. there would be fake smiles plastered to all their faces, no matter how realistic they tried to make them. none of them have genuinely smiled since steve got vecna'd. sixty-five days. steve had been in a coma for sixty-five days. the doctors keep telling the party that it doesn't look good, that steve's injures had been severe, and that they didn't know if, when, he would wake up. but they refused to lose hope. he'll wake up. it's just a matter of time. OR five times steve harrington didn't wake up, and one time he did.

the most dangerous thing (is to love you) by brokebeatle (21/21 | 304k+ | Ex) canon divergent eddie lives; alternating POV; shared trauma; slow burn; period typical homophobia  

"i know you care about what those little twerps think of you, and i can assure you they think way too highly of you," eddie says with a wink, and steve gives a half-hearted smirk for just a moment. "but look…i know i can’t ask you to stop worrying about those kids, so how about this? you worry about them, and you let me—actually let me—worry about you." steve pushes his hair back, and yet again, gravity instantly pulls it back down, since he’s looking at his feet. "…i don’t need anyone to worry about me." "too fucking bad. someone’s gotta do it, and it’s gonna be me." "why?" steve replies with a raspy laugh, shaking his head slowly. "why? why." eddie crosses his arms tightly across his chest, knocking his foot into steve’s again with a bit more strength. "because we’re friends, dipshit." —in which eddie's got a reason he's been planning on leaving hawkins since long before the world almost ended. the only thing keeping him in town at this point? his promise to be friends with steve harrington. and eddie doesn't break promises.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?

I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.

The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.

Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.

The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.

Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.

I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.

PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.

[ashisill]

I wait for you

Warnings: smoking, drinking, crying, mentions of sex, self sabotage, depression, suicidal thoughts, mentions of debating suicidal (it’s mentioned a few times. Please heed the warning if this triggers you), angst, angst, more angst, and being hopelessly in love with Sir Jacob Kiszka.

~This one is a lot, but I am very proud of how it turned out.

~

You and Jake had something special. Something that only comes once in a lifetime. Everyone watched you two, and wished for what you had. He loved you more than himself. More than his iced cold whiskey after a show. More than his beloved guitar. Honestly if you were to need him mid-show he’d drop everything, and run right off the stage for you. He was always running for you. Always looking for you everywhere he went. All you had to do was say his name, and he was there. He was always there. No matter what. You were truly his first priority. His first choice. His first love …. His only love.

You gave it all up. Things got hard, and you ran away. You fucking left it all behind. Your picture perfect life left in a daze. Although it wasn’t all your fault you still blamed yourself. Jake was busy all the time. Between tour, interviews, and traveling. You began fighting all the time. Every little thing was an argument.

You had your last argument in an cold hotel room. You got physical with each other for the first and last time. He never hurt you. He would never dream of it, but when you had enough you landed a smack against him. He grabbed your arms harder than he meant. You left that night, and you’ve regretted your life ever since. Running was worst decision you’ve ever made. How could you leave him? How could you hurt him when he’s treated you so sweetly. You’ve wanted to call you really did. Was it fear that stoped you? Fear of him hating your guts for what you did. You’d rather live in this unknowing pain than bare the thought.

“Jake wake up you’ve been asleep all day” Josh tried to wake his twin. They’ve found themselves in yet another hotel room. “Jake come on. The shows in a couple hours” he said opening the windows, and nudging Jake.

“Cancel it what’s the fucking point?” he said, and you could smell the whiskey on his breath. To see Jake so hateful towards his passion hurt Josh. ‘You drug me into this damn band, and you don’t even want it’ was the thought that repeated in Josh’s mind.

“Jake your drunk get the hell up” Josh said pulling the covers off, and throwing them on the floor. “I’m not doing it again Jake. I’m tired of this. Get the fuck out of the bed” Josh left slamming the door behind him. Where he was going? He didn’t know, but he needed some fresh air. He headed outside to walk the city.

There you were in the local park with your dog, having no idea they were in your town. Josh stumbled into park. The nature fascinating him, and catching his interest. That curly headed boy you loved so much came into your field of vision. As much as he’s changed over three years you knew it was him. “Josh!” You shouted.

He looked around confused, assuming it was another fan. Then he spotted you waving at him “no fucking way”. You bolted after him, and your dog chased you. “What are you doing here?” He pulled you in for a warm, and welcoming hug.

“I actually live here now. What are you doing here?”

“Got a show tonight darling. I missed you”

“I’ve missed all of you dearly. How is everyone?”

“Let me buy you a drink and we’ll catch up”

Meanwhile Jake is unaware of Josh’s discovery, but he knew you were there. He could feel a change in the air … He could feel you. For some reasons things didn’t seem so bad. For the first time in a while he got himself up, and took a shower. He brushed out his tangled hair, and cleaned himself up. Throwing on his favorite pants, and a button down shirt. Complete with some expensive cologne that he can’t remember where it came from.

Josh told you everything you missed in the past three years. You longed to be there for it all. Finally you asked the question that’s been eating at you since the conversation started. “So” you took a drink preparing yourself. “How is he?”

“Jake? Oh he’s fine. Still Jake I suppose”

“Is he? That’s good” you took another drink.

“Do you believe me when I say that he’s ‘fine’?” He said using his fingers as quotation marks.

“I want to yes. Is it white lie Joshua?”

“It’s a big fat fucking lie. He’s not fine. He hasn’t been fine since that night, but that’s not your problem. It’s just hard taking care of him when he doesn’t want to care for himself”

“I miss him a lot. I hate myself for leaving him. I’m not doing so good myself. I don’t even know myself anymore. It’s like I’m a stranger in my own body. The world seems so dark without him”

“I’m sorry dear. Jake isn’t much better. As much as I’d love to lie, and tell you he’s happy. He’s not at all”

You wanted to tell him the reason for your outing this morning. The true reason why you were there, but you couldn’t. How could you look him in the face, and tell him you didn’t want to live. How could you tell him hours before you were really debating on staying on this Earth. You could see him reacting strongly. You already knew the things he would say. Maybe even shed a tear with you. He’s already dealing with a lot, and you can see it in his eyes. You just couldn’t do it.

“What’s the matter?” He could still read you well.

“It’s just a lot, but I’m okay” lair how could you? He sees straight through it you know he does. He sighs, but doesn’t pry. Instead he simply just changes the subject.

“Have you loved another?”

“Never”

“Never? Not once?”

“Hook ups don’t count. Some of them look like him, but there never him”

“He could say the same darling. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to see him”

“What why not? Please don’t don’t this-”

“I’m not taking him away from you. Just listen to me. He’s not well dear. I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. Come see me after the show, and I’ll think about it. Maybe all he needs is you, but I’m holding back for a reason”

“I think I know why, and I understand. Do you promise you’ll think about it” he’s hesitant because if you left again he knows it would kill Jake. There’s no way in hell he would make it out alive. Just the thought of it makes Josh want to crawl away and cry.

“Would I ever lie to you? I just need what’s best for Jake. I’m sure you understand”

“You so good to him Josh. I wish I had someone like you. Caring for me the way you care for Jake”

“That person is in a hotel room about a mile away. Like I said meet me after the show okay?”

You agreed, and said your goodbyes. Returning to your home to find something nice to wear. What used to be Jake’s favorite dress seems like a perfect fit. Josh headed back to the hotel to find his brother. “Jake you better be out of-”

“Yeah” was all he said.

“Feel good today?”

“I suppose so. Where’d you go?”

“Oh ya know for a walk”

“Where’d you go? Terrible liar you are”

“The bar. I’m glad your feeling better today”

He just nodded his head. Josh sighed knowing it’s taking everything out of him not to tell Jake. ‘Your lovers back! Your lovers back! She’s here you don’t have to be sad anymore! Please don’t be sad anymore. She’s here, and she loves you!’he wanted to shout it at him. To see Jake smile for the first time in three whole years. To see his face light up like it once did before. Instead he stayed quiet, and went on about his business. “Can you go check if sam is ready?” He asked Jake.

You did just as Josh said, and after the show he snuck you backstage. “I need you to be really quiet, and not let him hear you. Walls are paper thin darling” he said locking the door behind him. “I need you to answer me completely honest”

“Okay what’s up?”

“Your gonna stay?”

“A part of me died that day. I can’t go through this again. I fucking miss him Josh! I would go through hell again just to hold him one more time. I’d break all my bones if that’s what he wanted. If he asked for the moon I’d bring it to him. The stars too. He’s my world Josh need him back. I need his love. I need his touch. I need him Josh I need him. This morning I didn’t want to live any longer without him. The scary part is I almost fucking did it. That’s why I was at the park. I needed air. I needed to breath. Moments before you saw me I was crying on a park bench. Embarrassing I know, but it’s the truth.

“Oh darling no. No sweet girl no”

You broke into tears, and Josh comforted you with a hug. Like you predicted tears started to fall from his own eyes. “We need you here. You belong here. I am so fucking proud of you. Your here. Your alive. To know that life has been so terrible to you that you questioned living. It makes me want to hide away, and shelter you from every bad thing. I know I didn’t tell you this enough, but I love you. I really love you, and I don’t want you to be in pain anymore. Your safe now, and in a few moments everything will be okay again. I promise you. I know how bad your struggling. I see Jake everyday, and it just gets worse. I just want to see him happy again. Your the only solution my darling. I haven’t seen him smile in three years. He’s never excited about anything. He doesn’t have anything to talk about, and he always drunk. Always. When he does speak it’s either to cuss me out, or it’s about you. I know how bad things are, and I want to see you feel okay again too”

“What does he say about me?” You asked as Josh wiped your tears.

“It always starts angry. He’s angry because he wants to be happy again, but he can’t be. Your the light in his life. Then he starts to act like he’s angry with you. Sometimes he’ll cuss you out too. Then he’ll start to cry, and your name is all he knows. When I try to comfort him he’ll ask for you. I’ll say “she’s not here Jake”, and he’ll remember that your gone. He’ll start to think of you, and how he loves you so deeply. He’ll tell me some stories about the two of you before it hurts to much. Normally ends with him crying himself to sleep or getting so drunk he can’t feel you lingering”

“How could I do this to him? Your positive he wants to see me?” You asked trying not to lose your control.

“Come with me”

Josh knocked on Jake’s dressed room, and an annoyed “what?” came with it.

“Can I come in? I have someone you might want to talk to”

‘Could it be her?’. Jake went quiet, and Josh opened the door. There he stood with a cigarette in his fingers. His face dropped, and neither one of you moved. You’ve looked for him in every room, but now he’s here. A rush of adrenaline flowed through his veins. He feels alive for the first time, and all you had to do was walk into the room. Color has returned to his pale face. His eyes once grey, and gloomy now glowing in your light.

You both just stood there questioning if this was real. You broke the cement that glued you to the floor, and ran once again. Straight into his arms this time. Josh knew everything was finally better, and left shutting the door behind him. Letting his back rest against the shut door. His hand covered his mouth as he began to cry once more. Crying because Jake’s gonna be okay again. Because he knows all is well now that your here. Tonight he’ll fall sleep without a single worry. He’ll drift away knowing his brothers happy. Knowing he won’t have to make himself sick from worrying. Or staying up half the night waiting for Jake to come back with some girl that looks similar to you. He’s safe, and Josh can finally breath again.

You gripped, and pulled at each other like this was a dream you were going to wake up from. His hair got longer, he still wears those same old jeans, and he still smells like home.

“I’ve missed you” was all you could manage to say.

“My girl” he kissed your forehead. “Oh my girl”

You buried yourself in his neck fighting back tears. “I thought I’d never see you again. I wanted to call I really did”

“Shh shh it’s okay. I promise”

After all you put him through he’s still forgiving. The pain he’s been in for the three years was nothing just to feel you again. He’s willing to forget this ever happened just to keep you in his arms forever.

“I love you ya know? Time hasn’t changed it a bit”

“I love you too Jake”

His lips were locked on yours immediately. You pulled at each others hair, and the collars of your shirt. Trying desperately to get closer to each other. “Jakey”

“God I’ve missed you calling me that”

“I missed you. I missed you so much”

“I’ve miss you to my love. Do the others know your here?”

“Only Josh”

“Assuming he found you when he went on his supposed ‘walk’ the morning” he said holding your face in his hands.

“Well to be fair he was on a walk, and I found him”

“You found us. You came home. God I’ve missed you. Every day when I wake up your on my mind, and it stays that way till I sleep. Even in my sleep you haunt my dreams every night”

Lips crashing against each others once more. Emotion running through you both. “Why’d you leave me baby?”

“I don’t know Jacob. I don’t know”

His hand wrapped around your neck, and he kissed you hard. “Don’t leave again” his eyes began to water

“I’m here Jake. I’m not going anywhere my love”

He brought you to the small couch in the corner. Tangled up into each other, kissing his neck, and hands wandering each other’s bodies. Wordlessly you agreed to save it for later. Your felt tired like you haven’t slept in years. As you laid on your lover your eyes began to fell heavy. Jake laid their wide awake wondering how you were here. It didn’t feel real, and he held on to you just in case he woke up from this dream.

Josh came back later to tell Jake everyone was headed out. You were passed out on his chest completely unaware. “We’re fixing to leave” Josh whispered at the door.

“Alright” he woke you up gently. “Time to go sleepy girl”

You and Jake took a drive, and enjoyed the city lights. After you hit the bar that was in the lobby, and headed back to the hotel room. Everyone was gathered in the twins room talking about the show.

“Yeah I know. Did you hear how bad I fucked that up?” Josh belted out laughing far louder than he needed to.

Jake swiped the card, and the opened the door. You laughed almost as loud as Josh. As the alcohol hit your system everything was just so damn funny.

“Is that … her?” Sam asked confused.

“Sam look at Jake of course it’s her” Danny knowing immediately by Jake’s smile that it was indeed you.

“Y/n! Y/n! It’s you! Your back!” He shouted.

“Oh my god I’ve missed you Sammy”

“Good to have you back” Danny hugged you tight. You let your self go limp in his arms. “Someone’s drunk huh?”

“Just a little bit Danny”

“Josh check out this record I bought” Sam said already distracted.

“Let’s hear it brother”

It was a soft jazz album of a band you’ve never heard of. Jake’s eyes were fixated on you as you spoke to Danny. He reached out his hand, and you grabbed it with a giggle. He danced around the room with you, spinning you round and round. Stumbling all over the place, and tripping over each others feet. Josh watched in awe as a smile never left Jake’s face.

A little while later after the chatter quieted you collapsed onto the bed. Josh motioned Jake to come to him. They went out to the balcony “I’m proud of you Jacob”

“Thank you for taking care of me for so long. You could of kicked me to the curb. Or let me quit my job, but you didn’t. I’ll never be able to repay you, but know I wouldn’t be here without you”

“I promised you I’d always be here for you. I love you man”

“I love you too bud” they shared a hug before Jake followed you to the bed.

“Tying to escape?” you joked peeking your eyes open at him.

“Now ma’am I thought you were asleep” Jake said kissing your forehead.

You shook your head, and he joined you in the bed. You cuddled up on his side, threw your leg and arm over him, and began to fall asleep.

“Promise we’ll stay like this forever?”

“For infinity my love. I’ll find you in every universe I live I promise”

“I love you Jakey”

“I love you too my girl”

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

Hello! I just started BG3 a couple weeks ago and Astarion has a vice grip on me!

I was wondering how you think he’d react (both ascended and not), if he found Tav crying because she is upset about losing a loved one, or stress, or something like that? I know that he enjoys the suffering of others, but then he becomes a good boy after he opens up and I feel like it would break his heart to see his beloved Tav crying.

I’m goin through some stuff right now and I just want a forehead kiss from our lovely pale elf! Thank you homie!!

I hope things get better for you! Hope this helps <3

It comes with the territory of being of fey ancestry, to live longer than most of the people around you. Astarion had not had the chance to experience that for when he was turned, he wasn't even into hundreds. A mere thirty-five years old of life, a child to most elves. Such a small amount of years compared to how long he was a puppet for Cazador.

Friends, family, any other person he knew: all long gone. Even the city, Baldur's Gate, has changed when he has the opportunity to walk around during the day, to experience all the colors he has been deprived of for so long.

Some days he wished he hadn't taken Cazador's offer, to instead die free.

Grief is part of life, and death is one of the many causes.

As he stands beside you over this gravestone.

Ten years, a vampire for ten years. It doesn't seem like a lot to most but is a lot for you especially when within those ten years you were isolated from the world completely.

While time seemed to still in your cage, life moved on outside.

People… Die… Mortality goes on.

You didn't cry at the funeral. You dared not join the gathering that lowered the casket, you dared not reach out to comfort the small group of people you know. There is a numbness, a strange feeling as if none of this is real.

"Let's go." Astarion follows behind you as you turn away, turn away from your past. The past of the mortal who dreamt of singing in palaces and fine clothing, the mortal who wanted to make their parents proud.

You didn't make it back to camp. The tears wouldn't stop, your body trembling. Astarion holds you close, soothing you as best as he can, he understands… He would be the only one who understands.

He cradles you in his arms, no words spoken as right now the silence is needed; if you could bury yourself within him you would.

"Astarion," Whispered as you peeked up at him from your head resting on his chest. "Thank you."

He knows there is probably someone better at this than him, but he still is processing his feelings after gaining his freedom from Cazador. Yet, he wouldn't want any of the others to see you in this state.

This state of vulnerability… You are always the light of camp, seemingly indestructible. Even if they all know you are not, he still doesn't want to share your tears with them. Oddly selfish about this but it is true, only he wants you to be like this with him.

Astarion says something, you crack a smile as he kisses your tears away. He can distract you in other ways if you need to.

"This is… I like this." Privacy, away from the others who would naturally want to make sure you are okay, right now you only want Astarion. You want him in both his presence and the current way he holds you close.

The pain doesn't fade. It never truly will but it becomes manageable, a burden that weighs but not enough to cripple you. You accept it, you will cry when it hurts, but most of all you live on as do their memories.

[foli-vora]

masterlist | foli jolly xmas list

my only wish: part two

jack daniels x single mum f!reader

summary: typical hallmark movie. he’s never been one for christmas - he hates the tacky decorations and the ear drilling music, but maybe the owner of a small town bakery and her children will change that.

warnings: this man. this man is a warning. this is soft. S O F T. i have heart eyes. swearing, more minecraft shit, almost kisses, yearning, the good stuff hits next chap (18+)

word count: 5866

a/n: gif by moi. so this is a combo of part 2 & 3 and it's fucking late because i'm so fucking busy and have fallen so fucking behind i want to cry. i will forever apologise for the utter shitstorm this month has turned out to be. catch me fighting off the burn out til at least mid january lmao. this made me so disgustingly soft. enjoy!

His first morning, after an admittedly restless sleep, he was wide awake and ready to go at 6am – his body clock just used to waking early to get a start on the working day. He takes a shower, has a coffee, wipes down the already clean counters and stares outside the kitchen window for an hour.

He flicks through the books left behind by previous tourists lining some of the shelves in vague interest, but none appeal enough to him to laze about on the couch as he had hoped. He flicks through the channels on the mounted TV, but finds nothing intriguing enough to watch. He moves for the porch swing, the icy air biting at his cheeks, and rocks in the creaky seat, trying desperately to just be.

It’s not too bad, he supposes. It’s a calm he doesn’t get to experience a lot, especially seeing as he constantly bounces between Kentucky and Manhattan. There’s not a whole lot of nature to soak up from his penthouse in the city, and he never bothers to hang around long at his ranch at home. When was the last time he put his riding boots on? 

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

No, it’s not bad at all. He’s been in much, much worse predicaments. Maybe it was a good thing to put his feet up after doing back to back missions for God knows how long. Lord knows his body needs a damn good rest, but how could he shut his mind off? 

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

It’s only for a few weeks, and then he’ll be able to dive right back into it. Maybe Champ will already have something lined up for him. Did Rum file those papers correctly? Has Cointreau taken over his Manhattan office for the time being? She’d better not kill his peace lily, she’s incapable of keeping a plant alive for longer than a week…

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

“Fucking Christ,” he grits out to himself, deciding to give up on the swing and marching back indoors, wondering just how long it would be before he loses his entire fucking mind.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

Was it always this hard? Any other normal person would delight in taking a vacation, would relish in having nothing to do but lounge around and soak up the peace and quiet. Why is it so damn hard for him? 

He grabs his jacket and keys before locking up the cabin and heading into town, deciding to stroll the streets and window shop to fill some time, maybe even take a wander past the bakery. Purely for the treats and not the pretty thing he’d been pleasantly surprised with yesterday.

Didn’t even get a name, and he only realised when he got back to the comfort of his Bronco. He couldn’t just waltz back in there and ask like an idiot… maybe he could persuade the kid to give him some information. Should be easy enough to convince with a couple of dollars if the last two interactions with him were anything to go by.

He frowns out of the windshield as he drives, wondering if he’s really lost that much game he’s resorting to bribing a kid for things he could quite easily get the answers to himself. This wasn’t a job — a quick flirt and seduce for the sake of a mission… this could be a real thing, no matter how brief due to him not being in town for long.

He was coming here as Jack, not Agent Whiskey.

There’s a slight pressure there in the back of his mind that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

—

“He should come over for dinner,” Gabe mumbles around a mouthful of muffin, crumbs spilling from his lips and raining over his sweater. “I want him to meet Snickers.”

A few crumbs fall to the freshly cleaned floor beside you where you kneel on the cold tiles and you scowl lightly at them before returning your attention to the decorations in your hands, rifling through the tangled pile of lights and signs until you find what you’re looking for.

“We barely know the man,” you reply after a moment of fiddling, tearing through tape with your teeth and sticking your Merry Christmas banner to the front of the counter, taping around the edges to ensure it sticks. “We can’t just invite a stranger over, Gabe.”

No matter how pretty said stranger is. You’d be lying if you hadn’t had Jack lingering in the back of your mind since meeting him yesterday. He was quite a hard man to forget, what with his strong, handsome features and warm charismatic presence. Apparently you’re not the only one who thinks such—

“He’s very handsome,” Edith murmurs, smiling thankfully at Stacy as the young blonde places her usual tea and pastry in front of her. “Betty said he’s available, too.”

You chuckle quietly, turning your attention to Edith where her small, aged frame hunches slightly in her thick winter coat. 

“You on the market, Edith?” You grin cheekily, giving her a little wink. “He looks like he’d be a good handful.”

“Oh, you never know, pet. I did just have my hip replaced.”

A snort tears its way from your throat before you laugh, your smile widening as her own chuckle fills the shop. Gabe’s eyes move between you both, a growing frown of confusion deepening between his brows.

“I don’t get it.”

“Never you mind, young man,” Edith smiles, sipping delicately at her tea.

“Mi amor, you wound me! I thought I was your only one!” Jose cries, walking out from the kitchen and sliding a fresh tray of various slices into the display case before waltzing over to her with a playful frown. “And now you leave me for some cowboy? My heart aches—”

“Oh you,” Edith murmurs warmly, melting into the embrace he gives her from behind her chair and patting the arm he has across her chest fondly. “You’ll always be my favourite.”

“That’s more like it,” he returns indulgently, planting a kiss on her temple before straightening up and returning to the kitchen. He pokes the side of your head as he passes, grinning at your swat of annoyance. “And you? He won’t be a stranger if you invite him over and get to know him.”

Gabe makes a garbled noise of agreement after shoving the remaining muffin into his mouth. “Exactly! He’ll always be a stranger if we don’t give him a chance, and h—Cowboy!”

You roll your eyes, on the brink of telling him not to be so loud in the shop when Jack’s sudden deep chuckle has you fumbling with the tape in your hands before it could drop to the floor from your surprise.

A quick glance over your shoulder confirms that he’s here in the flesh, stepping into the shop and sliding the yellow tinted glasses from his nose with a charming half grin tugging at his lips.

Speak of the devil himself.

“Glad to know you’ve dropped the ‘lame’ title for me, kid.”

“Mum said it was rude,” Gabe shrugs lightly.

At your mention, Jack’s attention falls on you and your reaction is immediate. It’s like that sweet high school crush all over again. Your heart quickens as a small thrill rolls through your body, humming along your nerves and causing the muscles of your stomach to tighten in delight.

He nods politely, the rim of his Stetson briefly ducking over his features, and you grin at the greeting, rising unsteadily from your spot and inconspicuously wiping your hands down the front of your apron to dampen the sting of sweat biting at your palms. 

“Are you here for more gingerbread already? I haven’t made any new ones yet so you’ll have to wait til later,” Gabe says frankly, lips pressing into a line as he gazes up at him.

“Now that’s a real shame,” Jack drawls, a frown pulling at his features as his arms cross over his chest. “I was lookin’ forward to one of them fancy diamond fellas of yours.”

Gabe suddenly brightens, seemingly struck with quite an idea, and you feel the trickling of dread begin to grow along your shoulders. It’s never good when he gets that shine in his eyes… God, what is he up to now?

“We could make them together! It would be so much fun with all of us! Can’t we, mum?”

Where is he going with this? Of course you could, but would Jack even want to? He could just be playing nice after all, and now Gabe’s practically cornering him into something he doesn’t want to do. Would Jack be too polite to decline? Maybe you should swoop in before he gets too uncomfortable.

You shift slightly, eyes quickly darting to Jack. “I mean… yeah, but I don’t thi—”

Gabe grins, “Cool! Come over tonight, okay Cowboy? You can meet Lou and Snickers! Do you promise? Promise me!”

“Whoa hey, slow down, kid,” Jack grins, holding his hand out in a calming manner. “That’s not your decision to make. You gotta talk these things through with your mama before you go makin’ plans.”

“Mum,” Gabe whines, whirling on the spot. “He has to come over tonight. You were just talking about having him over for dinner—”

“Is that so?” Jack swoops in, dark eyes rolling to yours and shining with interest.

Heat grows along your cheeks as your mouth suddenly dries up, your mind whirling and whirling yet giving you fucking nothing in terms of words. Though it’s only a moment, it feels like hours until you finally manage to speak, clearing your throat of the feeling of shy discomfort and giving a small shrug.

“I was just saying we can’t invite a stranger over,” you explain dumbly, inwardly wincing.

He cocks his head, a playfully charming smile tugging gently at his lips and you feel the effect of his eyes settle low in your stomach.

“How do you make friends without givin’ a stranger a chance, sugar?”

His tone curling the pet name on his tongue brings your heart to an unsteady beat, blood rushing along under your skin as your smile briefly widens. 

“You make a good point, cowboy,” you reply softly.

“That’s what I said!” Gabe agrees loudly, suddenly snapping you out of the apparent daze Jack had all but forced upon you.

You become very aware of Edith glancing at the three of you from her table, an amused smile playing along her lips as she sips at her tea. Jose is unusually quiet in the kitchen — no doubt eavesdropping, and Stacy seems to be wiping over the same spotless mark on the display case, trying her hardest to not make it look like she’d been lingering to purely listen in.

How had you not noticed them all? They were hardly discreet.

It’s his damn smile.

Jack, unbothered by the interruption, grins widely at Gabe, raising a hand to ruffle the thick knitted beanie forced over his hair. “You got a good head on your shoulders, kid.”

You catch Edith’s eyes over Jack’s shoulder and she gives you a nod of encouragement, throwing in an impatient point to the cowboy for good measure.

“Did—did you want to?” You ask, hoping your nerves didn’t shine through your tone. “Come over for dinner, that is. We could decorate cookies after…”

“Yeah,” Jack answers after a moment of studying your features, his smile softening briefly when he finds whatever he’s looking for. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Relief washes through you, followed steadily by a wave of anticipation and sweet excitement. You’re positive everyone can hear your heartbeat. It drums loudly in your ears, quickening when Jack sweeps forward to pluck the pen from where it hangs off the top of your dusted apron.

He bends briefly to jot something down on the back of a business card he’d pulled from the little holder in front of the till before straightening, smoothly slipping the card into your apron pocket.

“Let me know where and what time, and I’ll be there. See you later, kid — be good, y’hear?”

“Bye cowboy!” Gabe hollers after him, grinning and waving when Jack turns to give him a nod of goodbye.

“Holy shit,” you breathe when he’s finally out of sight, hand flying to rest over where you feel the business card tucked into your pocket and feeling the sharp edges of it through the thick fabric with a wash of warmth rolling through your body.

—

He still doesn’t have a fucking name.

His steering wheel had taken the brunt of his irritated palms during his drive back to the cabin and his brows had been furrowed over his eyes for the entire journey. He’d been so confident, so set on finding out your name the moment his gaze landed on your familiar shop front.

Well that went to fucking shit, didn’t it?

The second your pretty little eyes found his, he couldn’t remember a goddamn thing. Not a goddamn fucking thing. He’d been struck off balance, practically clawing to keep his cool calm. Hell, he couldn’t even say hello — he’d had to settle for a nod because his throat was so damn dry.

Thank god the kid had been there or he’d have made a right ass out of himself. How does one get a date before a name?

And he damn well couldn’t ask for it after receiving a text from you, noting your address and a time you’d be home after closing up. He couldn’t even label your fucking contact details in his phone.

“Fuckin’ idiot,” he’d growled to his reflection in the mirror while he was getting ready, his fingers smoothing his damp moustache down as leftover steam from his shower swirls towards the ceiling. “Get your fuckin’ act together.”

He’d come too far.

Now he needed to bribe the kid.

The drive to your house is mostly spent giving himself an internal pep talk, all of which seems to be forgotten the moment he rolls to a stop alongside the curb.

It’s a dark-bricked two storey with stark white lined windows and smaller in size than the others that line the roads heading towards the town centre, but not at all lacking in its own special charm, set amongst some trees with a paved path lining the way to the small, welcoming porch.

He knows he has the right place by the familiar face squished against one of the upper floor windows, and he gives Gabe a wave as he walks towards the steps, chuckling quietly to himself when he vaguely catches the kid yell his arrival from inside.

His knuckles rap softly against the light teal door, and he takes that brief moment to collect himself with a steadying breath while shaking the tension from his shoulders, before the door suddenly swings in, revealing your frame in the vacant space. His fingers tighten around the small bouquet of flowers held loosely by his side, suddenly struck dumb by you once again.

“Hey darlin’,” he greets softly, his smile automatic as your own spreads across your lips.

“Hi Jack,” you murmur, delighting in the buzz that runs along your nerves.

He raises the flowers, pride rolling over his shoulders when you blink in surprise before giving him the sweetest fucking smile he’s ever seen. God help him.

“These are for y—”

“Cowboy!”

The door is shoved open further by a new body, and Gabe grins up at him, tugging along another little body behind him. The girl stays half hidden behind her brother, her shy smile mirroring her mothers as she blinks up at him from around Gabe’s shoulder.

“Hey kid,” Jack greets fondly before leaning to take a better look at the girl, smiling when she ducks to hide further behind her brother, “hey sweetheart.”

“This is Louisa,” Gabe explains the second your lips part to form her name.

He takes a small step to the side, encouraging her to say hello with a comforting half embrace but she stays silent, hiding her face into Gabe’s sleeve and chewing on the nail of her index finger. He remains unphased and shrugs, tightening his arm around her and returning his attention to Jack.

“She’s a bit shy, but she’s cool.”

“Alright guys, let’s move out of the way before he freezes on our doorstep.”

You herd the kids out of the way and he steps in with a murmur of thanks, relishing in the warmth that fills the small home as you close out the cold behind him. He offers the bouquet of flowers to Louisa as she clutches at your leg, grinning when she carefully reaches for them. Gabe jumps to help him take his jacket off, as well as his hat, straining on tip toes to hang it neatly on the coat rack beside the door.

“Come on through, Jack,” you murmur, smiling at him over your shoulder as you walk deeper into your home, Louisa in tow, and he feels his heart jump in his chest. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

Gabe goes to follow but Jack holds him back with his fingers pinching the collar of his t-shirt, waiting for a moment until you’re out of ear shot before bending at the waist and flashing the ten dollars he’d had ready in the front pocket of his jeans.

“You wanna make a deal?”

Gabe eyes the money and grins, “Sure.”

“I’ll give you this for your mama's name.”

—

“You really don’t have to do this, Jack.”

He gives a low rumble of a chuckle, turning to shoot you a brief grin as he passes you a wet plate. His sleeves are rolled to his elbows, his hands turning slightly pink from the high heat of the soapy water filling the sink. He bumps softly into your shoulder, returning his attention to washing the small stack of dishes piled next to him.

It’s domestic, cosy.

“After that meal? Darlin’, it’s the least I can do.”

Dinner had gone down without a hitch, full of endless questions on Gabe’s part and a comfortable conversation with you when the kid had been too busy shovelling food into his mouth. Gabe had disappeared briefly and come back with his most treasured friend for introductions — Snickers, a soft tri-color Holland lop that stayed snuggled into his arms during the rest of the meal despite your disapproval.

Jack was at peace for the first time since he walked out the Statesman doors.

He tries not to enjoy it too much. His time in town is brief, after all.

“I’m glad you liked it,” you murmur softly, relishing in his sincere appreciation, “I’m actually not much of a cook.”

“Now, I refuse to believe that—”

“No, it’s true,” you grin, sharing a quiet laugh with him, “I can’t cook very well, but I can bake.”

“Yes, you can,” Jack agrees immediately, glancing over his shoulder to where the batch of gingerbread shapes sit on the counter before looking back at you. “I’ve never been one for gingerbread, and now it’s all I’m thinkin’ about.”

Maybe not all he’s thinking about.

He swallows, dragging his eyes away from the sweet curl of your lips.

“Well, in that case—” you spin and throw the towel playfully at his chest, “—let’s stop wasting time with the dishes.”

His eyes follow you as you move away, preparing somewhat of a decorating station over the clean kitchen counter, and he only becomes aware of the dazed little smile tugging at his lips when his cheeks start to ache from the pull of it.

He steps up next to you at your request, grinning at the cries of excitement from the other room when you call out for the kids. They settle on the two stools and take their pick of shapes from the tray you hold out to them, chattering about the various sprinkles and colours of icing you bring out already prepared.

Gabe quietly coaches Louisa along with decorations before glancing at you, his brows rising.

“You’re forgetting something, mum.”

“Oh, shit.”

Gabe grins as you grab your phone and mess with a little bluetooth speaker before the familiar notes of a certain song that is overplayed way too fucking much during this time of the year starts to fall from the speakers. Jack can’t help the little scrunch of his nose and you notice it with an amused tilt of your head.

“Don’t like this song?”

“I don’t like any Christmas songs,” Jack admits, accepting the little bowl of candy cane sprinkles Lousia shyly holds out to him with a tender smile.

“Oh no,” you murmur, catching Gabe’s attention as he turns to look up at you in question. “I think our new friend is a grinch.”

“What?!” Gabe abandons his decorating in favour of frowning up at the cowboy. “Do you hate Christmas? Why? Were you naughty?”

Jack chuckles, shaking his head. “I’ve just never really celebrated it, kid. It doesn’t interest me.”

“That’s fair, but I’m sorry cowboy,” you coo, leaning against the counter and giving him a coy smile, “when we make our gingerbread cookies—the Christmas playlist comes on.”

He decides he’s more than okay with it if he gets to spend a bit more time in your presence, and, all things considered, it’s not that bad. The music brings out a sweet giddiness in both you and the kids, and it only deepens the smile stretched out along his lips as he swims in the comfortable atmosphere falling over the kitchen.

“I have never used one of these in my life,” Jack notes dryly, holding the piping bag in his hand and frowning at the tip of it.

He glances at the way you work your own, looking so effortless in the way you ice intricate patterns over the cookies while softly swaying to the music. You side eye him with a grin, finishing off a swirl with a smooth flourish and raising a brow at him in a silent challenge.

Looks easy enough…

It’s not.

He makes a low noise of distaste at his shaky attempts, discovering the piping bag is not as innocent as it looks. Laughter melts into his ears and he throws you a playful frown, nudging your arm softly with his elbow.

“Are you laughin’ at me?”

“What? I would never,” you return cheekily, stepping closer until your front brushes against his arm.

Your hands cover his, the warmth of your palms oozing into his skin and he’s only vaguely aware of the instruction you quietly murmur into his ear. How could he focus on anything else with you so damn close? He ignores the pattern you help him ice over the cookie, too busy studying the way the kitchen light reflects in your eyes and the way your lashes brush against your skin.

You become hyper aware of his gaze burning into the side of your face and your body reacts automatically, your heart picking up in your chest and thudding heavily against your ribs. You sneak a glance at him, suddenly caught in the pools of warm brown focusing solely on you, and your breath catches in your throat.

It lasts only a minute, the chatter of Gabe and Lou obliviously decorating their cookies in the background keeping you both from falling any deeper into the temptation building along your nerves to close in on those last few inches.

Jack’s the first to look away and break the spell, his eyes falling down to the counter, before he gives you a final glance from his peripheral. You spy the smile tugging at his lips and your chest tightens, lost to the feeling of blood rushing to fill your cheeks.

Could he hear your heartbeat? God, you hope not.

The curl of anticipation never fades from the pit of your stomach as the night rolls on, stretching out over your system whenever you’d catch his gaze or feel the brush of his body against yours. It becomes harder and harder to deny the level of attraction you have for him, despite only meeting him yesterday.

And he’s wonderful with the kids… a fact that does nothing to temper the lure you feel for him. 

He listens attentively to every word Gabe says when he goes on a ramble about his new world and how creepers keep blowing up his house, despite quite clearly not knowing what the hell he’s talking about. He’s delicately soft with Louisa, never pushing her to talk and simply content to watch her work, interacting with a kind smile whenever she’d ask for his help or thoughts.

She’s completely smitten by the end of the night, and you don’t blame her.

She gives him a small tired wave from where she snuggles into the couch under a blanket with Gabe who’s long passed out, head thrown back against a pillow and snores falling from his open mouth. You follow Jack out once he returns Louisa’s goodbye, cringing at the icy temperature when you step onto the darkened porch behind him.

“You’ve got a couple of great kids,” Jack murmurs, turning to you.

You grin in return, glancing over your shoulder to the warmth of your home where they rest before meeting his gaze and giving a little shrug.

“I know.”

He chuckles deeply and the low timbre of it shoots straight to the pit of your stomach, the feeling only worsening when he takes a step closer and leans in to press a soft kiss to your cheek, dangerously close to the corner of your lips. He lingers for a brief moment, his moustache tickling your skin as his nose brushes your cheek and it sends your heart into a frenzy.

You can’t help but turn into it, the movement bringing his lips within breathing distance, much much closer than before. His breath is warm over your lips, heavy with the hot chocolate you’d made after the cookies, and you feel your heart beating in your ears as the tip of his nose briefly catches yours.

“Thank you for havin’ me, sugar.”

“You’re welcome any time, cowboy.”

“Careful now,” Jack drawls quietly, tongue slipping along his lower lip as his eyes shine mischievously, “I might take you up on that offer quicker than you think.”

“I sure hope so,” you smile, watching fondly as he finally steps away from you and raises a hand to place the weathered Stetson atop his head.

You’re in trouble. You can feel it in your very core. You can feel it in the way your cheeks refuse to let go of the smile stretched across your lips. Despite spending the entire evening in his company, you ache with the question of when you’ll be able to see him like this again, his brief time in town only fuelling this need, and it prompts you to speak up before he goes too far.

“Jack?” You call as he slowly swaggers down the porch steps.

He stops instantly, turning to face you with a curious brow raised.

“If you want to take me up on that offer, we’re putting our Christmas lights up tomorrow… we could do with an extra hand if you’re available. Unless Scrooge has to work…” you trail off teasingly, grinning at his chuckle.

“I’ll be here, darlin’.”

—

It’s different, and very much unlike you.

Inviting a stranger over for dinner? Inviting him back to help decorate your home? It’d all felt so natural the day you spent clipping rows after rows of small, twinkling colourful lights along the eaves and windows, sharing conversation and jokes until the sun melted behind the mountains.

The feel of his hands steadying you on your trusty little step ladder had burnt you, even through the thickness of your coat. The way his eyes had reflected the wild flash of colour from the lights had settled something soft and tender in the pit of your stomach, pleased that he seemed to be enjoying himself in your company, even doing something as mundane as tacking lights everywhere. 

His farewell was much like the night before, leaving such a sweet kiss on the corner of your lips and lingering right there until you thought for sure he was going to kiss you, only to step away with that dazzling little grin and sauntering away with a raspy goodnight.

You’d stared at your ceiling longer than you cared to admit once he left, lost in the thoughts of his lips, his hands, the way he’d feel. 

He quickly lost his title of stranger, becoming something of a fast friend the more he spent time with you. The feelings that bubbled to the surface and swam merry little circles around your heart came so naturally in his presence. You desperately try to ignore the way they strengthen with each shared glance and charming smile, convinced it’s just the thrill of a new crush and nothing more.

It couldn’t be anything more. Though he didn’t tell you a whole lot about his work, he did tell you he was never in one spot for too long. He bounced between Kentucky and New York, often going overseas and all over, and it didn’t give him the opportunity of settling, or even dating.

He had said it with a tone of apology, as if he was giving you the option of walking away before you stepped any further after knowing it could be nothing like you were potentially dreaming. You’d enjoy it while it lasted, you decided. It didn’t have to be anything serious, or even romantic, just a sweet memory to treasure when he eventually drives out of town.

“That one is huge!” Gabe cries, running to a monstrous 11ft thing towering over the other trees and fluffing its lower branches. “We have to get this one.”

“And put it where, Gabriel?” You question in amusement, rolling your gaze from the thick width of the tree to the tip top of it. “We wouldn’t even be able to get this through our front door, let alone stand it up inside.”

He gives a dismissive shrug, “We can make it work. Can’t we, Jack?”

Jack chuckles next to you, walking over to Gabe and resting a hand on his shoulder. “I think you’re askin’ a bit much of your door, kid. How about we find somethin’ more… compact?”

Gabe sighs, but eventually yields, giving one last look of longing to the monster before snatching Louisa’s hand and dragging her to other potential trees. You watch them dart between trunks with a small smile, your insides turning to fire when you feel a hand press into the small of your back to guide you between two close set trees.

“I’m sorry Gabe roped you into today,” you murmur as you step past Jack, your heart thudding when you feel his hand linger before sliding away. “I know Christmas isn’t your thing – this must be very painful.”

The night Jack had helped you with the lights, Gabe had asked — begged — him to come Christmas tree shopping with you, and had asked him every day leading up to the day a week later. Jack had given in early in the week, but Gabe had still asked every time Jack wandered into the shop for a treat to ensure his newest friend would help him pick the ‘coolest and bestest tree ever’. 

Jack laughs, reaching out to feel the needles on a passing tree and giving you a grin. “Don’t be, sugar. I’m havin’ a great time. I’ve got good company.”

He gives your shoulder a playful little bump with his own and fire spreads across your chest, curling around your heart and filling the tips of your ears. Instead of stepping away, he stays close, keeping his side constantly brushing against yours as you both leisurely follow after the kids and your heart starts to hammer.

“I could say the same,” you grin, shooting him a look from the side, “you’re not too bad for a grinch.”

“Hey now,” he drawls with a smile, “there’s still time for me to go ‘round town stealin’ Christmas.”

You’d let him if he kept smiling at you like this.

“I’ll make sure I keep an eye out for you on Christmas Eve.”

“Speakin’ of Christma Eve,” Jack murmurs, fighting the feel of something curling around his throat, “what’s this Christmas Ball thing I’ve been hearin’ about?”

“It’s hardly a ball,” you grin, trying to not let the brush of his body send your heart into too much of a frenzy, “that makes it sound a lot fancier than what it is. It’s just a Christmas Eve party at the hall — they’ve had it for years. It’s gotten bigger over time, what with more and more tourists coming into town.”

Jack nods along to your words, wondering when the hell he started getting so goddamn nervous to even speak. He swears his heart is beating in his throat. It’s not him, it's you. It’s you doing this to him, catching him off guard with those pretty eyes and making him feel like he was a clueless boy head over heels all over again. 

What in the hell are you doing to him?

Your voice breaks through his reverie.

“Will we see you there?”

His eyes flash up to meet yours, once again struck dumb by your smile. He gives a nod, barely able to catch his breath before your lips widen into something much more pleased and it rockets through his system. Originally he wasn’t going to, but the idea of going with you seemed much more appealing that staying in the cabin and nursing the bottle of whiskey for the night, waiting for the holiday to be over.

It’s just too bad he can’t get his damn mouth to form the fucking words to ask. Speak, man—

“Darlin’, I was wonderin’—”

“We found it!”

You both startle at the cry of victory that comes from in front of you, cutting through the moment of potential. Gabe has his hands clenched and arms high in the air while Louisa gives an excited little hop beside him, her face split from the grin stretched across her lips. Jack sighs quietly, weak to fight the smile that pulls at his cheeks at the kids’ excitement.

“Hold on a second,” you call back, turning those sweet eyes back onto him. “What were you saying, Jack?”

His eyes flick over your face, his throat bobbing with a swallow as he studies your features.

Maybe it’s best to leave it as it is. He already knows you’ll be attending, so what’s the point in asking you to go with him? He can just catch up with you there. Not to mention you probably had things to do with the kids, with your fellow townsfolk… no. He’ll leave it be. Besides, it’s not like he’ll be in town for much longer.

“It’s nothin’, sugar,” he finally replies, lips set in their charming curl. “Come on now, let’s go get this tree before this kid finds an axe and does it himself.”

-

everything pp tags: @maievdenoir, @javier-pena, @lv7867, @dihra-vesa, @katronautt, @radiowallet, @januarystears, @missminkylove, @beskarprincessjenny, @mswarriorbabe80, @danidrabbles, @sergeantbannerbarnes, @amneris21, @eri16, @absurdthirst, @hnt-escape, @acourtofsnakes, @ezrasbirdie, @mstgsmy, @lovesbiggerthanpride, @coaaster, @sherala007, @kelseyxyeslek, @greeneyedblondie44, @wyn-n-tonic, @you-got-me-starry-eyed, @shirks-all-responsibilities, @withasideofmeg, @harriedandharassed, @andruxx, @buckybarneshairpullingkink, @spideysimpossiblegirl, @prostitute-robot-from-the-future, @tanzthompson, @mad-girl-without-a-box, @hope-for-the-best-98, @fangirl-316, @christina-loves, @jediknight122, @hallway5, @xoxabs88xox, @nicolethered, @churchill356, @massivecolorspygiant, @just-here-for-the-moment, @gracie7209, @pinkie289, @lavenderluna10, @goodgriefitsawildworld, @juletheghoul, @punkerthanpascal, @itswanktime, @karolydulin, @pedrostories, @fabilei, @ghostwiththemostbitch, @omlwhatamidoinghere, @cannedsoupsucks, @chaoticemz, @hows-my-hair, @alexxavicry, @cran-berry-vodka, @deadhumourist, @outercrasis, @thisshipwillsail316, @toxicfrankenstein, @hotchlover, @ew-erin, @mishasminion360, @jitterbugs927, @penelopeimp, @woodland-mist, @pedro-pastel, @spaceserialkiller, @adriiibell, @1andthesame, @elegantduckturtle, @captain-jebi, @magpie-to-the-morning, @sharkbait77, @sleep-tight1, @musings-of-a-rose, @karlawithacapitalk, @woomen23, @frasmotic, @songsformonkeys, @loonymagizoologist, @aynsleywalker, @ruhro7, @bluestuesday, @what-iwish-you-knew, @princess-djarinn, @totallynotastanacc, @girlofchaos, @pjkimrn, @bangaveragewhitewine, @trickstersp8, @rominaszh, @gooddaykate, @ms-loverman-066, @bunniwarrior, @detectivecarisi-1, @tintinn16, @iceclaw101, @bport76, @thatpinkshirt, @tusk89, @withakindheartx, @curiouskeyboard, @pedropascalsx, @sirpascal, @racetrackheart, @patisseriel, @timpletance, @titabel, @xdaddysprincessxx, @dnxgma, @astronomeoww, @dindjarinswhore, @alwaysdjarin, @mando-amando, @mx-ferelden, @trinkets01, @jxvipike, @thesmutslut, @thereisaplaceintheheart, @scentedthingtidalwave, @mwltwo, @loveslide

whiskey/jack tags: @pedrohoe04, @stardust-galaxies, @androah, @wildmoonflower, @quica-quica-quica, @stevenmylove, @lawfulgranola, @dins-cyare, @eatommo, @serini-ty, @bbyanarchist, @raphaelaisabella, @breakfastonpluto19, @churchofrain, @joelmiller81, @h-hxgirl, @mischiefnevermanaged94, @shadowolf993​

so many aren’t working lately, sorry x

[mythsandheather]

Because I already brought this up on Reddit, let’s talk about it here too.

LONG POST ABOUT HADES, HERA AND AVOIDING ACCOUNTABILITY LIKE THE PLAGUE INCOMING.

Persephone knows that Hera and Hades had a thing now, right? So after guilt tripping herself all day for feeling insecure, they finally talk about it. Hades admits to having feelings for her once. Feelings, let’s be specific. He hasn’t yet said they had a relationship or a centuries long affair behind Zeus’s back.

Persephone, as any sensible person would, asks a very fair question. Let’s ignore how disconcerting she looks for a second.

Now the response any normal fucking person would give here would obviously be “no”, right? Or some variation. “No, I’m not.” “No, we’re just friends.” “No, that’s in the past and I love you.”

That’s the normal, reasonable, acceptable response…but this is Lore Olympus. So naturally Hades doesn’t do that.

“Let me just preface this” oh I just know I’m about to hear some male manipulator bullshit. All that shit he just said when he could have simply said “no”. Also, why the pause?

Never fails to make me laugh how LO Hera is supposed to be this glamorous, sympathetic, strong, aspirational figure that Persephone and the audience alike should revere, when all she is is a racist, classist, deadbeat parent and chain smoking drunk whose primary hobby seems to be putting on too much mascara just so she can cry it off every other chapter.

Also, Hades, if you had a lot of respect for Hera, you wouldn’t be telling Persephone all her business without her knowledge or consent.

JUST SAY NO YOU ANTISEMITIC LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER.

What does that even mean? “What we are now is a ghost of what we used to be.” What a weirdly vague yet specific choice of words.

What did you used to be? Hades never says what they were or how long it went for and he still never fucking says it’s over. Now it’s just…a ghost? What’s that then, Papa Smurf?

Are you still haunted by this relationship? Is it like a ghost in the sense it’s going to come back cuz that’s what ghosts do? Cuz I’m not hearing “that phase is completely done”, I’m hearing “this phase is on pause and will most definitely be picked up on again the second the opportunity presents itself”. 

Like I said, it’s such a weird, specific choice of words.

To quote Mabel “Madea” Simmons, “look at him try to throw it on you now. It’s like if he tries to get Persephone to engage and agree with him, then it’s all okay and he’s successfully excused himself and distracted from the question at the same time.

First, a couple of petty things. One, look at how wonky his eyes are. Those were adjusted last minute and you can see it. Also his hairstyle changed with each panel. 

Second, there have always been a lot of immortal beings around. At the specific time we’re talking about back when Hera and Hades first got together, for example, there was already a whole mess of chthonic gods running around. There were nymphs, satyrs and other immortal creatures that were and are perfectly viable dating options. 

Hades just so happened to want the woman who was dating his brother and banging his dad, and Persephone just so happened to get involved with two of her cousins and then marry her uncle.

This whole “the immortal dating pool” comment feels like a disclaimer to avoid the fact that, try as she might to avoid it, Rachel ended up right back in the incest pit that all Greek mythology adaptions inevitably try to avoid yet fall into in the end.

I’m also not going to pretend that these two having such a limited word view on dating options doesn’t stem from the fact that they think basically everyone else is inferior to them.

But, in conclusion, Hades was asked a fair question that required a one word answer. One word, two letters…and he could not do it. 

Instead we get dragged on this purple prose wannabe, “I’m 14 and this is deep” diatribe that barely skims the surface of what his entanglement with Hera really was. Immediately following this, Hades goes on to explain Hera’s golden traitor title and her history with Kronos. This is also the infamous chapter where he claims Zeus has no trauma.

He was more comfortable discussing his father abusing and then brutally maiming Hera, and more comfortable minimising what happened to his brothers, than he was just saying “no, I don’t love Hera anymore”. 

Rachel does this for Hades a lot. Hades is, at least in my opinion, not one of the more interesting greek deities and the fact he’s the male lead of LO and her celebrity crush’s insert means she feels the need to beef up how important, how powerful, how desirable, how vulnerable, how lonely, how angry, how complicated he is, but does not possess the skill to do so.

So she writes herself into a corner and the mountain of evidence for Hades being a fucking awful person gets bigger. 

For example, as we just saw, Hades had a thing with Hera. He’s soooo sexy and so hot and so kind and so perfect and so irresistible and desirable that even Hera can’t resist him! But wait! Making Hades and Hera have a centuries long affair behind Zeus’s back and with Hades going into another relationship where he cheats on his current girlfriend, Minthe, with Persephone, doesn’t reflect well on poor daddy Hades! What to do??

The simple and logical route, other than just not having the stupid affair in the first place, is for Hades to just admit he made a mistake and he regrets it and is trying to do better. But wait! Daddy Hades is a complicated and edgy bad boy…but he can’t actually do anything bad cuz he always has to be in the right! 

So instead of ever admitting he’s wrong, god forbid he do that, let alone apologise, every time we get treated to what a piece of shit he is and the consequences of his bad actions and Rachel’s bad writing, we get tormented with more faux-deep prose that’s meant to paint him as a helpless lonely victim and remove any blame from him, while conveniently always minimising and dismissing someone else’s suffering.

I’d kill to see what sad, poetic, overly-wordy garbage he spins when he inevitably cheats on Persephone with Hera, because this whole exchange all but screams that the door is very much still open.

Persephone felt bad about herself for being insecure by the chemistry and contact that Hera and Hades still have, because how could she even think of misjudging poor dear Hades? IMO, she’s not worried enough. Homegirl is already on her way to ending up where Minthe was.

[demetris-cocksleeve]

Okay I seen request are Open (:

What about the volturi Guards reacting to getting head scratch/ massage 👀😏

(A/n: I headcanon Felix to have been a gladiator during the peak of the Roman Empire, so.. just a little context ig..)

Hope you enjoy~❤️

Navigation

Warnings: Mention of the twins backstory, idk if that needs a warning, but🤷

Age Rating: None

The Volturi Guards x Head Scratches

-----------------------

Felix:

He was honestly surprised the first time you started playing with his hair and scratching your nails lightly against his scalp

The Volturi isn't exactly known for their soft touches or loving nature. Even as a human, he had never known such comfort, having been thrown into the pits from the moment he was able to wield a sword

That's not to say he wasn't enjoying the feel of your gentle scratching

In fact, now that you've introduced him to the concept of playing with his hair you're gonna have to do it move often

He'd definitely rate it a 10/10

Jane:

Jane is a bit of a toss up

On the one hand she remembers the comfort her mother playing with her brought and is brought back to those moments when you run your fingers through her blonde locks as you're both relaxing in her room

But on the other, having flashbacks to her past could lead to flash backs of the fire and the villagers circling her and Alec as the flames licked at their skin

If that happens she will definitely shut down and avoid you for at least a couple hours if not the rest of the day

Don't take it personal, though, she loves how gentle and caring your touch feels but sometimes the memories are too much

7/10 enjoyment

Alec:

With Alec it's also kind of a toss up but for a different reason

He also gets flashbacks sometimes but rather than making him shut down, it can make him reveal a lot of the trauma him and Jane went through

Now you're crying for them and he's feeling bad for making you cry

However on a good day, he'll relax so much under your skilled tugging and scratching that it's almost like he's able to sleep

7/10 as well

Demetri:

This mf-

Once you re-introduced him to head scratches it's game over

He's actively tracking you down at random times of the day to get you to mess with his hair

He hasn't had someone play with his hair since he was a little boy joking around with his father and he doesn't plan to let that feeling go anytime soon.

11/10 enjoyment

It's like eating something you haven't been able to eat in a long time for him

[jenyifer]

Hum I realized I haven’t shared any of my book recs on here. I know I should watch new bl. I plan on finding something in June.

Since I got broken up I’ve been reading lgbt books. My ex gf had been showing me things about being lgbt that I had never imagined before and without her I still wanted to learn to experience different stories. So I used my love of fantasy and sci-fi and started listening and reading as much as I could. I don’t really care for overly spicy things but I like when the characters are realistic adults. So keep that in mind with this list.

1. The House in the Cerulean Sea 10/10 Fantasy great characters and mc growth. Found family always gets me. The ending was perfect. I’ve listened to it 15 times and forced my parents and uncle to read it. I’m excited for book 2.

2. The Darkness Outside of Us. 10/10 Sci-fi Space. This book made me feel so much. Surprised me. Had me gasping for air in my cube to the point people had to ask if I was okay. Had me running to the car to cry as I listened to the last part. Go in blind and enjoy the space and gay of it all.

3. Dark Rise 10/10 Classic Fantasy It is incredibly rare any book surprises me. Most of the time I can guess the plot a mile away. Dark Rise hit me over the head a couple times had me crying. But it was so epic and adventurous reminded of the feeling I had reading David Eddings as a child. (Not that lgbt as I would have liked but… it was there I assume book 2 a lot more)

4. Iron Widow 10/10 Sci-fi Mechs Fantasy Post Apocalypse I adore a mechs and history. It was extremely exciting. I adore the main couple even though main girl is actually mentally unstable but you love her anyways.

5. The Extraordinaries 9/10 Superhero. The main character is lovably stupid aside from his ADHD which I can relate on. I loved the lesbian side couple. The story was fun felt like it was written for the early college me who loved superheroes.

5. Adam Binder Series White Trash Warlock 9/10. Urban Fantasy. It gives me flash backs to Harry Dresden and Iron Druid but not in the obvious way just in vibe. I love main characters being country. I’m from Mississippi not Oklahoma but I can relate to being a gay in a small town moving to a big city. I love the main couple. The mystery magic system was interesting. I wish it had a bit more romance actually. Just because I love the main couple and side characters a lot and want happiness. I wish I could get more people to read this one it’s wonderful a lot better than a lot of urban str8 fantasy I’ve read and it was my main category for years. The mystery element was decent. I need to start book 3.

6. Ocean’s Echo 8.5/10 sci-fi mystery the main characters are… so wonderful. They are extreme but I love them so much. I’ll protect them to the end of days. I have this book over it’s… I guess in the same universe book Winter’s Orbit because I think the mystery suspense is more intense in Ocean’s echo also much more spacey sci-fi. Romance is also arranged marriage but is VERY different from winters orbit. I wish… I wish this book wasn’t associated with the other because it gets unfairly compared because the narrator is the same etc but Ocean’s Echo is great in its own right and is definitely not a copy

7. Winter’s Orbit 8.5/10 MYSTERY sci-fi edging on fantasy. Arranged marriage. Slow burn. These characters are also 10/10 I love them. I have experienced an abusive relationship before and appreciated seeing a character with the scars a similar past. Often if a character is portrayed as in an abusive relationship they focus on the event but it effects Everything in your world. Even now I have these scars after 8 years. I loved the mystery it was the main focus which I liked. The romance felt natural.

8. Fragile Remedy 8/10 one of the first books I read it made me cry and was a good single dystopian gem. Had a real… divergent hunger games kind of vibe to the world from what I remember.

9. Lightning struck heart 7/10 classic fantasy this is what I said on my insta at the time “It is an extremely comedic fantasy adventure with wizards, unicorns, knights, and dragons. Right up my alley! However the ending was disappointing. I'll listen to the next book in the series and hope it improves. Just found character arch unbelievable in last chapters.”

10. A wish upon a star by tj klune ^follow up books I read like 4 of them 5/10 I did stop listening to it this is what I said on my insta “Well I continued listening the tales of verania series and made it to the original end of the series. I'd say if you want a gay fantasy comedy without too much thinking Listen to the audio. Narrator is the biggest part of why I didn't quit. Idk if I'll read the other books though it is very friendship is magic smooth brain ideas I've read”

Unable to finish (been desperately trying to find a lesbian story and finding nothing)

Girl, Serpent, Thorn 4/10 my review from insta “Unable to finish it. The world is interesting. The first 3rd seemed promising but after major conflict the writing goes way down. But the MC doesn't grow. The f/f is so shallow it made me roll my.eyes until I had to stop listening. Wanted the bad guy to win and kill everyone”

The Midnight Girls. So intensely annoying and childish. I couldn’t do it I think I made it to chapter 3 but it was a struggle.

In the ravenous dark. I got to one third of the audio book and had to stop. The universe was okay but main girl was very annoying. Was kind of hoping her and the ghost would be together not… not the weird bullshit that was going on. Idk what the end of the book was going to be but it was not for me.

I’ll post another with my current to read list. I’m really going through them now because I have to drive two hours a day to and from work. Give me your suggestions though please thank you.

[reasonsforhope]

Your blog is a literal god send for me, I’ve been feeling so depressed, pessimistic, nihilistic and cynical at the state of the world right now and my fear of if I even have a future, but your blog is absolutely what I needed right now, so I can’t thank you enough. I’m just so happy to see someone who is hopeful and positive and not pessimistic, and it makes me legit want to cry tears of joy. How are you able to stay so positive and optimistic despite everything going on?

<3 <3 <3

As for how I stay optimistic and relatively positive? Lots of effort and hard work.

I'm not naturally an optimist. I spent most of my life (and certainly my adolescence lol) being pretty angry and cynical.

It's not that I never feel depressed or despairing about the state of the world. There's fucked up shit happening, indisputably, and hey, I'm trans, it's been a rough fucking year for that. But I guess I try to focus on the difference between passing moods and baseline worldview.

Some of the main ways I moved my baseline worldview to be optimistic and hopeful:

A lot of reading and looking at data and in-depth stories. The headlines never give you enough of the story - hell, most news articles don't these days, because they're so skewed toward negative news

Especially reading/looking at good news sites (I have a masterpost of good news sites here). There are good things happening everywhere that you never hear about. Mostly, you only ever hear about the good things when there's been a huge setback, which sucks!

I'm basically not on social media. Nothing except Tumblr, Facebook, and LinkedIn, and I only ever go on FB and linkedin briefly for business. It's fantastic, can't recommend ditching social media enough

I made sure I was doing something to help (aka I started this blog. I would also volunteer but my disabilities and a lot of logistics make that complicated)

My job involves reading a couple dozen self-help books a year lol, not gonna lie that def helps

Taking a long perspective of time. It often doesn't feel like it, but statistically, this really is the best time to be alive. (Here's a fantastic essay about many of the reasons why.) People really gloss over how much most of the past kinda fucking sucked to live in. 50% of all people used to die before their 15th birthday, for basically all of history until the past 200 years!! Imagine having to live with that. Imagine all of that pain and grief literally everywhere. I'm really happy about living in modern times, actually!

That last point is esp helpful to remember for me because I'm 100% for sure on the list of "people who would've died in childbirth" pre modern medicine (and my mom would've died having me, too). It was modern times or nothing lol

The vast majority of the world has spent the past 300 to 500 years being absolutely brutalized by white people and/or the West. There's still a lot of fallout to fix and colonialism to uproot, but I genuinely can't wait to see what people and nations will achieve with sustained self-rule and significantly fewer massive atrocities

Solarpunk and hopepunk stuff

I'm gonna make a whole post about this at some point but the fact that we eliminated scarcity in the past few decades actually changes the entire fucking game for the world (literally it's not a zero sum game anymore) and for the future. We're allowed a bit of a learning curve I think

I listen to the Rent soundtrack a lot and go "well you know what being trans right now sucks but being trans at the height of the aids crisis would've been way fucking worse" lol rip

Meds! Meds. Antidepressants and antianxiety meds unfortunately don't work for everyone (yet!), but also thank fuck for meds

Progress almost always happens in slow, tiny increments, with a lot of stops and starts and setbacks. You have to always remember that there are always people fighting somewhere, and if they're stopped, there will always be more people to pick up the fight in the future

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 62 - It's My Party

Surprise, motherfuckers! It's a bonus week!

Y'all return to the grove in triumph.

On AO3.

The hollering starts as y’all approach the grove gate. It’s good hollering, for a change. A lot of, “They’re here!”

“Halsin must have already arrived,” Wyll says.

Which means Halsin can also open portals. Apparently not when he’s in bear form in a goblin den, though. Something to do with having to say words, according to Gale, which a bear can’t do very well.

The gate opens, and half the tieflings are waiting for you. There’s some shouts, a couple crying ones, and a lot of relieved body language.

“Thank the gods,” one woman puts it. “Now we’ve got a fighting chance not to get torn to shreds. At least not by goblins.”

Which…what the fuck else is out there?

Halsin did make it. But he’s too busy dealing with y’all’s whole coup thing, and you’d rather not, you know, poke that bear (you say that one out loud and it translates well enough for Astarion to make a face and groan all dramatic). Plus the tieflings are antsy as hell.

Naturally, they gather up their booze and decide to throw a party.

That guy y’all rescued from the goblins, the one with the stupid hat, is there. You spot him looking around; when he makes eye contact with you, his expression brightens and he charges at you through an audience listening to a tiefling woman sing with a pretty voice.

You, reading this as him looking for you specifically, duck behind a tent and scurry into the underbrush—thank fuck them druids let trees and shrubbery grow all over in here. Foppish looks for you for a hot second. Mumbles something with the word “drat!” And the dirt potion actually translates. How fucking twee.

That man is a gabber. You are not in a gabbing mood on the best of days—least not with a stranger.

Parties ain’t your thing. You don’t drink, don’t hook up, and it takes you a fair bit to make friends. So there ain’t much point in any of this for you. Maybe you should just camp out under this bush and wait the whole thing out.

The others seem to be having a great time. Karlach flings herself into dance moves so enthusiastically nonsense that if these people had the internet, she’d be a viral star. You don’t spot Lae’zel or Wyll, but Gale, with several tieflings, tends the cook fire and a bubbling vat of…you ain’t sure. It smells great, though, and you are fucking famished.

So you slink out like you didn’t just crawl out of the foliage, and sidle your way past a wizard tiefling launching fireworks from his hands. Neat. Gale has a smile and a steaming bowl for you. It’s a thick ass stew—potatoes, tender meat, onions, and a load of salty-spice seasonings. He hands you a kind of flatbread, too, fresh off a stone set on the edge of the fire. Fucker steams when you rip off a piece.

Your eyes almost roll into the back of your skull when you take a bite, and the wizard ain’t never looked so pleased with himself.

“You’re a goddamn wonder,” you say. And then Foppish pops up at the edge of the crowd and you have to duck away.

Unfortunately, you’re surrounded by tall rocks. The only place to hide without sprinting and sloshing your hot stew all over your hands is a tent.

A red one.

The pale owner stands outside with a bottle of wine, all but laughing at you.

“Hide me,” you say and crouch behind his tent.

“My dear fellow?” Foppish says.

Astarion looks from the man, over to you, crouched just out of sight.

“And what do I get out of it?” he says because he’s a rat bastard.

Blood, you almost say. Except you ain’t letting him bite you. It ain’t safe, and it gave him ideas.

“My share of the wine?” you say.

He snorts. Sneers. Then Foppish is there, and you ain’t never talked to the man, but he’s looking for you, so now you have to avoid him on sheer fucking principal.

“Ah, excuse me,” Foppish says. “I’ve been looking for, er, your leader, I’m told? A woman from another plane, if you can believe such tales. Quite the tactician, I hear.”

“And who told you that?” Astarion…the word drawl don’t cut it. You heard the man bitch before. And flirt. Whine and complain and even snap at you. But you ain’t never heard a man lace his words with such viscerally dripping condescension quite like this.

“Why, everyone!” Foppish says. “I say, you’re also a member of her band of adventurers, are you not? Is it true she persuaded half of the goblin camp to sacrifice themselves to this new god of theirs?”

You did what now??

Astarion don’t blink. Don’t even move. He’s the picture they put in the old version of dictionaries, the one they chose for “disdain.”

“That was the poison, actually,” he says.

Foppish hums. Jots notes—because he’s carrying around as fucking quill and parchment. “And is it true that she took a vampire as a paramour?”

You tip forwards, slosh the stew over your hand, and bite back a hiss. Only it ain’t fast enough, because Foppish makes a noise. Leans like he’s trying to peer past Astarion and you have to duck back.

Well fuck. He’s gonna find you all crouched in the dirt like a fucking gollum. Add that to whatever bullshit he’s already gathering about you. Fuck you. You just wanted stew. A threat gone, one fucking item off your fucking checklist, and now some goddamn middle ages version of a fucking tabloid reporter is gonna get the gravy—

“Interested in vampires, are you, darling?” Astarion says, because he calls everybody that. And oh. His tone changed. Gone all smooth and buttery the way you remember from the woods, when you kinda lied about being sexually experienced. “I could tell you a thing or two about vampires, you sweet thing.”

You can’t peek to check, but it’s real easy to imagine the way that man leans in, eyes all sharp and glowing in the refracted light. Flashing the barest hint of his fangs behind his lips.

“I, er, I thank you, my boy,” Foppish says.

“I am not your boy.”

The snap smacks you. Makes you quiet, makes you small, makes you want to disappear.

Seems to hit Foppish kinda the same way. “My good fellow, I meant to say. But I do believe I’m being summoned. It appears word of my talent has spread to the good people here, and I shall have to bid you a very good night.”

The crunch of footsteps beats a fucking retreat. You wait a second before you can soothe your spooked nerves and peer back out. To where Astarion watches Foppish flee with the coldest expression you ever seen on him.

You glance the other way. You might just sneak off without him noticing. You should do just that, actually. But then he turns, spots you, and that coldness thaws from subzero down to a simple glacial.

“All my share of the wine,” you say. “From now until, uh, whenever this ends. You get all of it.”

He does a kind of slow blink. And you watch as he literally resets his face, once again the smug pretty man. He snorts. “Afraid of bards, my dear?”

“The fuck’s a bard?”

And it’s one of them moments where you get to remind everybody that you really ain’t from nowhere around here.

Astarion sighs. “Go ask the wizard, if you really need to know. I’m in no mood for lectures. This ‘party’ is too droll by half already.”

Red sparkles burst in the sky. One of the tieflings—the singer from before—starts plucking away at some kinda stringed instrument, which slowly brings a good chunk of the camp into a makeshift dance.

“This is boring for you?” you say. You manage to stand back up without spilling more of your food.

Most people who ain’t you are party types (Sasha literally stole your book the last time she dragged you to one). He seems exactly the type to be having fun here.

But he takes a slug of wine and his nose wrinkles. “After killing all those goblins, I’d say they owe us a lot more than a pat on the head and vinegar for wine.”

Says the man pilfering pillows from them same people.

“I don’t think they got much to offer?” you say.

And the man fucking rolls his eyes. “Yes, that’s rather obvious, darling. Still. I was hoping for a bit of fun.”

He scans around, body language all casual, but a sharpness to his eyes.

Thing is, you ain’t entirely sure what he means when he says “fun.”

“You ain’t gonna like…stab somebody, right?” you say.

Instead of looking offended, the man turns and there’s a wicked little smirk on his face. “Oh, I’d quite like to stab someone.”

Ah fuck. Y’all just got here and saved everybody, and if he goes and starts some shit and Halsin ain’t even talked to you yet…

“We just got outta a fight,” you say. “We really do not need you doing something to piss off—”

Astarion throws both his hands in the air, sloshing an arc of wine through the air. “Gods below. You really are a bumpkin, aren’t you? I mean sex, dear. Though clearly not with you.”

That…that somehow, for some godforsaken reason, slips between your rips and slices something inside. You make a sound, hope to fuck he didn’t hear it, and you’re so glad you got that bowl to hold so you don’t instinctively curl in on yourself.

He studies you. Then turns back to his observations. His hunt. Taps his chin with one, long finger. “I’m thinking of Lae’zel. She seems rather interested to that kind of arrangement.”

Why the fuck does that hurt? Ain’t no goddamn reason for you to get…get emotional over this. Y’all ain’t a thing. Y’all specifically are not a thing. You ain’t interested, and he’s a bastard, and he’s a grown ass bastard who is well within his rights to go find himself a fuck buddy.

It’s probably a good thing. Give him whatever…whatever he was looking for with you. Build another tie between him and the rest of the group.

It’s a good thing.

Ain’t no reason for your chest to be tight. You ain’t got a pony in the race here.

“What do you think?” he says. “Karlach is literally on fire and I believe Wyll would be too noble at the moment. But I doubt the gith would care overmuch about it.”

It’s fucking stupid for you to feel any kinda way about this. It ain’t your fucking business.

You got to swallow a few times before you can get your voice to work. “I, uh. Yeah. I think she’d be down. She, you know, asked that one time.”

He seems to ponder that, find it favorable, and nod. “Well. With our illustrious leader’s blessing, I believe I’ll try my luck. I do hope you enjoy the party, dear.”

And off he goes, slipping through the crowd after his selected prey.

You watch. Your throat is tight for some reason.

“Oh fuck you,” you say to nobody in particular and suck in a tight breath.

The stew don’t smell so good no more. You find one of the kids scampering by, let them take it (they start shoveling it down the hatch immediately). There’s some crates loaded with wine bottles on the edge of camp. You go over, grab two. You can’t read the labels and it don’t really matter, anyway.

Shadowheart catches your eye. Lifts her own bottle and waggles it, eyebrows raised. An invitation, you think.

But you’re in a ridiculous mood, so you paste on a smile and shake your head. Go about uncorking the wine with a corkscrew left around just for that purpose (and almost impale your own thumb). Then you take your loot and head off into the woods by yourself.

Time to see what all the fuss over wine is about.

***

Notes:

It'd be a real dick move to post this chapter and the following on the regular schedule. So it's bonus week! Next chapter: I'll Cry if I Want To

[bvlladonnas]

NOW PLAYING:

𝗪here'd All The Time Go? Dr. Dog ♥︎ 0:09 ━●────────── 3:54 ⇄ ◁◁ 𝚰𝚰 ▷▷ ↻

♡ — esmeralda has been homesick lately. whether it's for the warmth veracruz provides or the fact that she can't crawl into her father's arms when she's sad, she isn't sure. she misses her mother brushing her hair, and the parties that didn't end until sun up when she'd pass out on rafa. the hustle and bustle of new york city and the mornings spent in homeschool math class. but most of all she misses luna, and the esme she could be for them when they were anywhere but here.

their favorite place lately has been the roof; when you look up, you can see all the stars and constellations, the lack of light pollution illuminating the sky in a way that reminds esme of her favorite nightlight. the shingles of the house don't hurt her back, and when she holds luna's hand she's sure they could never fall; even if they did, it'd be together. so it'd be okay.

but right now things aren't okay, which esme has become adept at realizing in the past couple of years. kids had been meaner recently, spurred on by those movies their mom always does; which esme doesn't really get — can't those idiots tell what's real or not ? their mom isn't a bruja, she's just cool. she's gotten a lot better at brushing it off.

luna hasn't, though. defending their mother came naturally, esme did it too, but her skin's thicker, used to shielding luna from what she could. at age eleven she stands tall ( four foot nine, thank you ) and spits vitriol to any child bold enough to talk mean to luna in front of her. that's the issue, though — they don't do it in front of her now. and she only finds out later, when they're on the roof and luna's crying because it's been a particularly bad day ( which seems to be happening increasingly often ).

" lunita - lunita, esta bien. son pendejos que no saben de lo que hablan. " ( " lunita — lunita, it's okay. they're stupid anyway. don't have any clue what they're talking about. " ). her voice is gentle — she doesn't know to harden it around luna yet, has never had to. luna cries when esme sounds even a little bit mad, she doesn't want to set her off even more.

"¿ya se, pero porque todo via lo asen? mami no ase nada malo. ¡es su trabajo ! she's cool ! " ( " i know they are, so why do they keep doing it ? mami doesn't do anything bad. it's her job ! she's cool ! " ) luna's voice is full of all the emotions the world hasn't tried to wring out of her yet. their words pierce esme's little heart and, if she were older, maybe she'd know how to take them away. right now she can only flounder.

" es como - ¿tu cuerdas lo que dijo papi? ¿cuando vino dante la semana pasada y los junto a todos para hablara? " ( " it's like — you remember what papi said ? when dante came over last week and he sat us all down ? " ) esme props herself up on her elbows, not satisfied with how flippant she seems while laying down. this isn't anything to be flippant about, this is her sibling's feelings. " papi dijo que la jente van a hablara - que no les gusta las cosas que no entinden. so los llamen cosas como raros y brujas y - y es porque son celosos. " ( " papi said people were going to talk, that — that they don't like things they don't understand. so they call us freaks, or weird, or brujas, and — and it's 'cause they're jealous. " )

sometimes she doesn't really know if she believes that. sometimes she thinks it's because her father just wants them to feel better, and that maybe they are kind of freaky. but esme doesn't understand why that would be so bad. she wishes dante could just be with them all the time, so that maybe he could beat them up and then she wouldn't have to be so mean.

luna's quiet in response and it worries her. luna is many things, quiet has never been one of them. the soft sniffle startles esme and she jumps into action quick, pulling luna into her arms. her chin hooks right on top of luna's, like it's meant to, and she's immediately softening her tone even more.

" lunita - ¿habla con migo, porfavor ? tienes que habalar. " ( " lunita — talk to me, please ? you need to talk. " ) tries to pitch her voice down so she doesn't sound like an eleven year old playing parent. it doesn't work.

" ¿no saban que las palabras dañar ? " ( " don't they know that words mean something ? " )

that makes esme freeze. because, well — how does she argue with that ? they've been taught that their entire life. it's a dominguez-herrera motto, at this point. so she pivots, or tries to.

" pues - son estupidos. ya tu deji eso. nosotros no devemos a escuchar a la gente que no son honestos con sues palabras. " a childish attempt at comfort, but it's from a child, so that's to be expected. ( " well — they're stupid. i told you that. we shouldn't listen to stupid people who wouldn't be honest with their words anyway. " )

" ¿pero como yo se que tu no estas mientiendo? " ( " but how do i know you're not lying ? " )

esme considers telling luna that if she were lying, then their parents would be lying, and their entire extended family, too. but she bites her tongue; it'll just hurt them more.

so she pulls away, fishing around in her sweats pocket. luna looks confused, brows tightly knit and fresh tears beginning to well up in her eyes because esme just stopped hugging them. esme finds what she needs quickly — a pocket knife she'd swiped from david at their last party.

she flips it open — luna's more confused for about two seconds, until esme rolls up one sleeve of the snoopy as a dinosaur t-shirt her mother had gotten her for halloween. then their eyes go wide and she remembers the movie they watched the other night when they weren't supposed to be watching tv — the hangover, or something. she'd thought it was really cool and meaningful — what could bond you better than blood ?

she's shaky when she brings the blade to her palm, but her voice is even. if only so luna believes her more, " yo nunca tu a hecho mientieras y yo se que eso tambien su escucha como una mientira pero - vamos as see un pacto. ¿no mas esmos estoy y yo nuca puedo a echar te una mintera, esta bien? y yo nuca tu eviria a ser eso. las palabras si dañia pero tambien tienen otor setimento. " ( " i would never lie to you, and i know that sounds like a lie, too, but — we're going to make a pact. as long as we do this, i can't lie to you, okay ? and i never would. words mean something. " )

and if esme had the vocabulary, or the forethought, or the words to say it she'd tell luna that this means she'd never lie to her. that the blood pact isn't what makes them honest; it's not a truth serum, a sincerity spell, but a representation of her devotion. that as long as she can hold a hand to her palm and bleed freely, she will never lie to the other. so long as she lives and breathes.

but she doesn't, and so she closes her palm around the knife in her hand, slides it across the skin and shuts her eyes tight through the pain. it's almost exhilarating, and it isn't deep. the knife comes out the other side crimson, and she hands it to a now eager luna. the tears are drying up, the sniffles now few and far between, and esme feels invincible. she did it. she doesn't think about what shielding luna from so much harm might lead to, because she's done the one job she's decided to take on for life. and so she can rest a little easier.

" blood brothers. "

" blood brothers. "

luna follows suit quickly after — their shared scrunched up face of determination is sweet. they clasp hands and their blood mixes, they laugh because it stings. then they laugh because they're happy. they stay like that for a bit, hands clasped and curled together like kittens. nothing could hurt them now, not when they have each other. and nothing could bring them dow —

" ¡estrella! ¡luna! mis amores, — ¿porques estan ai riva - tu esta saliendo sangre? ¡¿que esites ?! " ( " estrella ! luna ! my loves, why are you up her — are you bleeding ?! what did you do ?! " )

okay, well, maybe their mom can.

it's weird to think that that was nearly fourteen years ago. that the bullying came to a head a week later and they'd left for new york. esme traces the little scars that litter her left palm, the result of countless blood pacts. countless promises, countless assurances. we don't lie, we don't hide, we're honest all the time.

it makes esme's heart seize and she isn't entirely sure why. she shakes her head to clear it, throwing her bag over her shoulder — she's got an exam to take. can't be thinking of childhood silliness now.

[buckets-and-trees]

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/imyourbratzdoll/712204199793917952

Stop I love you for this

He’s the most beautiful most scrumptious man

I’m so happy for his gfs who get to have him

This is honestly so sweet

I need someone to do this to me, to bring me back to life. NOW 😭

OKAY YES, BUT LIKE I SAID BEFORE...

jdka;f;adlf

And nonnie, your ask here got me thinking about this again okay I think about his forehead kisses many times a week but that's beside the point

But I got to thinking about how this would play out with Bucky...

Characters/Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader - gif above is a female, but writing below is not female-coded, can be read gender neutral Content: bulleted head cannon, fluff, workplace angst A/N: we're just letting this spill out and seeing where it goes, no editing, and maybe I'm not the only one who needed this

there's an element of touch-starved in Bucky Barnes because of his time as the fist of HYDRA

but I think as he begins to come into his own again, one of the things he's probably constantly aware of is his body

because not only does he have fully autonomy again, he's also the super soldier - increased strength, sharper senses

he's not a weapon, but his movements matter, and especially because they're finally all his now again

once he's seeing you, in a relationship with you, he's very aware of how the acts of physical intimacy - hot and heavy and sexual, to the nuance, the normal moments

and he doesn't smother you 24/7 with constant touching, but once he knows he's all in with you (even if it's still early stages of the relationship and he's letting it move at a natural pace, not pushing because he just knows and he's content to let things unfold because he's happy) he doesn't hesitate or hold back at all with physical touch

one day after work, he's invited you to come to his place for dinner

he's cooking when you arrive, so when he lets you in, he greets you with a warm smile, pulls you in for a short but sound kiss, and then ushers you back into the kitchen with him

and as you fall into conversation, he can tell in your tone, it's finally been an awful day

he knows you've been burning the candle at both ends, and the past couple of weeks you've been putting in a lot of extra hours because there were special projects that really were important to you, and you're not one to half-ass anything, you're a stubborn over-achiever, and he loves that drive and spirit in you but he knew your relentless pace would call for recovery at some point

so first he listens while you explain what happened that day, continuing to fix dinner while you lean up against the counter

"and I love my job, and of course it isn't perfect, but for the most part I still love the work, even though Rachel is still a pain in the ass, and I wish Jerry would do a bit more, and usually that's fine, but today I just wanted to cry or punch people pretty much all day after 12:30, and I hate that I felt that"

Bucky steps in front of you, letting one arm wrap around you to pull you close while his other hand cradles your jaw, tilting your head slightly, and his nose softly nuzzles over your brow before he plans a kiss on your forehead

you soften into his hold and he wraps his other arm around you

you tuck your head into the crook of his neck and he slowly rubs your back

"you're allowed to not like your job sometimes - it's work"

you groan, "and it's worse because I'm complaining to a freaking avenger as if you don't risk your life every time you go to work"

"don't do that, what you do is important, too - and let's not over exaggerate: I'm more durable than your average avenger, so it's not that risky"

he can't fix this, and he knows you don't want him to, but he can listen, and he'll hold you and tell you with more touches and kisses throughout the night that you matter to him and he sees the hard work you put into you career, and he'll talk and not talk with you the rest of the evening

he'll worship you properly in his bed, and then he'll convince you to stay over, and in the morning he'll convince you to take the day off because you really do need the rest and he can spoil you and spend more time memorizing every inch of your body all day which is just a fringe benefit for him

but orgasms aside, the way your heart swells each time he takes a moment simply to plant his affection, his adoration for you with a soft kiss on your forehead...no one needs forehead kisses, they're not in the script, and so they mean something both to him when he gives them and to you when you feel those lips mark you with tenderness

he did it when you dropped off to sleep, he did it when the two of you woke up

you'll stay in his arms forever if this is what it will mean to be his to care about and share a life with