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serenityseventeen · 3 years

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Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Eleventh Letter

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To: Boo Seungkwan

From: Y/N

Dear Seungkwan,

now that school is about to begin again, I've been thinking of you a lot. I just kept reminiscing the sweet moments we had and now, after all that reminiscing, though it's only been a few days since I rejected you, I realized this. I love you.

First things first, how are you? I hope you're doing fine.

Back to what I was saying, after this realization (that I loved you), my heart began to thump out of my chest. I feel so stupid. I'm a college student and yet, why does it seem like I do not know love? I was so sure I didn't like you as a lover but now that you and I aren't seeing each other, I miss you like crazy.

However, as much as I want to see you, I don't think I'll have the courage to talk to you. After I rejected you, I'm sure things are way too awkward between us.

I know you probably don't know this but I looked back on our text messages and sometimes, you were also online. I would see you typing out a message only for you to delete it and not send anything. Inside, I hoped that you would send me a text and see that I was viewing our chat the entire time.

I want to tell you first, I want to do everything first, but for some reason, I can't pick up the courage to do it. I know that maybe it will be better for me to make the first move and confess that I've loved you all along, but I just can't do it. Even after knowing that this love is mutual, I can't do it.

I don't know why either. I believe it's because I truly want to focus on my studies and leave college on a good note. However, at the same time, I wonder if I'm just being cowardly. I have made the first move before and I am quite confident that I can, but I just... I can't. It's a confusing feeling, Seungkwan.

I don't want to be selfish and keep you for myself but I want to be selfish and hope that maybe this selfishness would make both of us happier. We've only known each other for a few months and since summer is so short, the timing wasn't that great for us.

The only way we really met was at the cafe I worked at and the volunteer event that was hosted every week. When we did get to know each other and started hanging out, it still wasn't that much time because you enrolled in summer vocal lessons.

With so little time to get to know you, I'm not confident that we can truly become a good couple. To me, it seems like you and I are complete opposites. You're funny and loud and you can easily brighten any kind of atmosphere meanwhile I just blend in with it.

You told me that you liked me for a while and I'm sorry I didn't notice it. You continued liking me because you wanted to but even so, I feel a bit bad because, in the end, you don't even get to be with me. I like you too, Seungkwan, I just can't confess.

Is it really because I can't? Or I don't want to? I'm not sure and this feeling confuses me as well, I just can't describe it. I've always been indecisive even when I'm confident in my answers, which I know sounds stupid. I am a stupid person. I don't know how to love someone properly and it's my fault.

Anyway, back then, when you were beginning to show interest in me, I should have taken the hint. Was it near spring when you started coming to the cafe?

You would always crack a joke whenever I was the one who delivered you your coffee or took your order, and every single one of them made me smile, giggle, and laugh. I should have looked a bit closer at your expressions when you told those jokes. It wasn't until later during summer that I started noticing your sparkling eyes, heart-fluttering smile, and the way you gazed at me.

I think our romance involved only around time. When I spent time with you, I felt like I could spend all the time in the world with you, but eventually, reality hit me. We met during the summer and I have my final year of college coming soon, would being with you be a benefit? No, it shouldn't be a benefit.

Love is about loving someone just because. It's not about benefits. I think now, as I'm writing this letter, I've come to a conclusion. I just don't want to confess to you.

I think it's because I don't want the hardship of a relationship. It's not that I loved you any less than everyone else I fell for, because I do love you, but I don't want to have a relationship. My career path is chosen and I'm creating a road in front of me, will I have time for you?

Every relationship comes with hardships and sweet moments. Would the hardships be worth the sweetness? I think it will, but right now, I have to be the one who knows myself best; and I know that I need to be able to focus. Love can either help me or interfere with school.

It's not going to be easy for both of us. You told me that you wanted to go to graduate school and that you're also currently in college. If we did start dating, it would have been hard anyway. After college, I'm also going to graduate school, and I plan to go to one far far away from here.

Even if we decide that a relationship isn't for us, I want you to remember the sweet times we had. In that little time, you made me so happy without me even realizing it.

Whenever you volunteered, you were one of the hardest workers. I also always wanted to compliment your hands because to me, they looked so beautiful.

Sometimes when I needed help putting on an apron, you would not hesitate to help me. I would remember how you placed down everything and came to me to help when you saw me struggling. Instead of awkward silence, you talked to me casually while tying the strands behind my back, your touch so gentle.

That's why whenever I saw you struggling, I wanted to help too. Sorry I couldn't keep a conversation though, the silence between us was a bit awkward, but for some reason, it was also sweet. You thanked me afterward with your voice all shy and at that moment, I was a bit surprised by your cute expression and hidden shy nature.

Well, of course, I got to see more of it too.

Remember when that grandma told us we looked good together? It was during a volunteer event where we run a coffee truck and give out freebies from the cafe. You and I were operating the freebies section with a few others and an old granny came up to us.

Her eyes were a beautiful brown and she had her hair tied in a bun. She gave us such a sweet smile as we handed her the free cookie.

“I want this for my grandson,” She said, smiling sweetly.

“Your grandson? Then take another one!” You replied. You're such a smooth speaker. You can get along well with anyone, I envy you, Seungkwan.

“Really? Thank you, you must be a great son.”

As she was about to leave, her back slouched, she turned back and said, “By the way, you two match each other quite well. Are you guys perhaps...”

I remember you glancing at me with a gentle smile the shaking it off shyly. “No, we aren't...”

She apologized with another smile and then left.

It was that night that you confessed to me.

You offered to take me home and under a streetlight, you told me while scratching your head shyly, “I like you, Y/N.”

I wasn't sure of my feelings then, that's why I agreed when you offered to take me on three dates to see if I would change my mind; thinking about it makes me smile because all those three dates were fun, memorable, and warmly sweet.

The first date we went on was a bit awkward at first, but it was mainly fun. You took me to an arcade where we played a variety of games. You were extremely competitive and naturally funny. You made me laugh a lot that day and you made me comfortable. I enjoyed the time with you.

For our second date, you took me to a volleyball game. You continued rambling on and on about how much you loved sports. Even though you were just talking and watching the game, I didn't feel bored. Since you were so into the game, I became interested in it too.

After the volleyball game, you took me to a stadium and helped me learn to play. At first, each bounce would get you worried that I hurt my hand. You would keep brushing your fingers against mine. Playing volleyball was fun with you too, Seungkwan.

Our last, third date was at the amusement park. You were scared of many rides but got through with it because of me, you said. I found it cute whenever you were whining or sulking. I'm glad that you were being yourself around me.

When you were sending me home after that date, you asked me to hold hands. Your voice was so quiet and shy that I almost didn't hear you. I could tell that you were a bit doubtful that I would comply, and when I did let you hold my hand, you were smiling so brightly. I can't forget that shy, bright, beautiful smile.

Your hand was so warm.

We continued to see each other because you're a regular at the cafe. You order the same Americano.

After a few days of letting me think, you finally came up to me as I was leaving the cafe.

“Y/N,” You said, your voice sounding somewhat hopeful. “About my confession...”

I was quiet because, at that moment, I didn't have my feelings sorted out yet. I just thought that the timing wasn't right and that I shouldn't be in a relationship, and that I should focus on preparing for my last year of college.

Stupidly, I replied, “I'm sorry, Seungkwan.”

I could tell you were hurt. I couldn't explain any further about how much I liked you because I was idiotic and didn't realize it.

“It's okay. It's completely fine. I respect your choice... do you want me to walk you home?”

You continued smiling at me and talking with me but you sounded so hurt so I sent you away.

My father told me, when I visited him in the hospital a few days ago, that love is all about timing. With the amount of time we had and the amount of time we were going to get, it didn't seem like it was going to be a flower road.

The timing wasn't right.

If only I had met you not during the summer, but during a time where I had all the time in the world to spend with you... If only I had time.

I don't want to forget the memories we made. I know I'm a bit foolish and this bitter ending is partially my fault. I didn't have the right timing back then, now, and even in the future, I just know it.

Now, all I can do is sigh and reminisce.

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If only there was more time for us, maybe love could have been expandable.

From,

Y/N

7/8/21 - 11:09 am

a/n: I have to go take a test later because I'm moving to a public (high) school... I'm nervous but I'm sure it'd be fine. + Hoshi getting scared while practicing spider is so funny lol

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blackrosesfanfic · 3 years

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Chapter 236

Trey

Last thing I want to do is end my marriage. That's never what you think about when making a stupid choice. Following up with a thought instead of thinking it through. That's where impulse gets you. To the point of a failed marriage.

"Jayla?" I say rubbing her leg.

"Where did my mother go?"

I shrug a bit. "She is about as..."

Chris comes walking into the room. "The hell wrong with you Cammies?"

"Ain't nothing wrong with me. There's only one Cammie." Cammie snaps.

"Oh yeah?" Chris says leaving back out. "Mama Cammie."

"Christopher." She snaps rolling her neck.

Chris shrugs once he is behind her back. I chuckle. Cammie and her mother do act similar to one another. Especially when mad or upset. They really look alike then. Gwen sits on the bed. She plays with her phone then she sighs heavily.

"I don't know what to say." Mama Cammie sighs.

"There's nothing to say. It was years ago."

Mama Cammie shakes her head. "Imagine someone hurting your son. You gonna feel like it's nothing? Someone needs some scars. I will be upset until I feel like I did something."

"It's too late."

"No it is not. You went to the hospital. I'm sure they did an assessment on you. I just got to find out what it said and who I need to press some charges against."

Cammie narrows her eyes at her. "You can't do that. Everyone knows… Everyone will know. No."

"Well your father... Lonnie is coming to California."

"Why did you tell him?" Cammie yells scaring Caden.

I move to her to get Caden. She swats at me holding him closer to her. Shit. I don't know what to do. I know she doesn't want me to walk out. I'm not even going to attempt to walk out.

"Better to tell Lonnie than me." Mama Cammie snaps. "I can't handle this."

"That's the problem."

Mama Cammie stands up. "I'm just so angry with you."

"Cause it's my fault?" Cammie cries.

"No. Of course not." Mama Cammie puts her hands on her hips. "You never had to go through any of this alone. I know we were close. You told me everything. I never wanted nothing but you to be the best Cammie you could. Dancing on some stage doesn't tell your whole story. All I saw was you not wanting to talk about that boy because I told you what would happen loving him. I just thought you couldn't take me saying I told you so. So I didn't say it."

"Good." Cammie snaps.

I try once again to take Caden. He wasn't liking Cammie being upset. He was ignoring every attempt she made of calming him down.

"I've dealt with... I don't know Jayla. If you never wanted me there then how could I be there?" Mama Cammie shrugs. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." Cammie says letting me take Caden.

He screams loudly. Shit. I walk around the room. Mama Cammie takes him from me. He cries loud again but calms down as she dramatically rocks him. Cammie's ass is fucking spoiled. You mad at your Mama cause she wasn't there but now you mad at her for trying to fight for you. My Jayla.

"Mama, you are a counselor. How would you help your client connect with her daughter?"

"Son, I just say some horse, you know what. They just like hearing someone neutral. They like being able to speak and someone listens."

I chuckle. "Jayla not listening to nobody."

"Jayla is Jayla." Her mother says. "I'm just mad at her for not thinking we were close to share stories. We just yell at each other. She should have been diagnosed years ago."

Cammie sucks her teeth. "With what?"

"Best baby making genes." Gwen says in a baby voice to Caden. "You so sweet."

"But I made that though."

Gwen smiles. "With Trey's help."

I chuckle. "Yeah that was me. Sweetness."

"Sugar flowing through your veins. Just freaking sweet." Cammie says cutting me an evil angry look.

"Jayla text your father and tell him not to come. He might feel unwanted and not come."

I chuckle. "I'm sure he already on the way."

Cammie randomly looks down her shirt. She grabs Lane's cup from the table and puts it in her shirt then sigh. Someone clears their throat. I don't know if it was Cammie or her mother. They were both looking at me. I chuckle to myself. A part of me was thinking damn I like Mommy titties. Leaking milk. I turn around and walk out the room. Bout to get hard in front of the wrong mama. Still tryna make her like me. That family is tough at getting close to. I walk into my mama's bedroom.

"Gwen taking your place with the boys." I say.

"I kicked that Chuckie Doll out of here." She snaps. "Bad ass little boy. Opened the gift I had for Forrest. Talking about it's for his brother."

I laugh. "That's where he got those pacifiers?"

She rolls her eyes. "Your wife is right majority of the time when it comes to her kids. Remember that. She knows what she doing. I should've learned how to beat his cute face when he was less mischievous. Not so smart."

"Cammie and her Mama had a talk."

"Good." Ma nods. "Gwen knows her daughter as well. She controls that crazy side."

I nod thinking about the conversation. "Damn were you there?"

"I already know, Tremaine. I didn't have to be there. Best thing you can do for your marriage is get those two back together. I was wrong about Cammie's mother. Just like I was wrong about Cammie. They rub you the wrong way at first."

I nod in agreement. Nothing needed. That's so true.

Rollie

"You trying to piss me off on purpose."

I turn around looking at Leah. "Who?"

She looks me up and down. "You."

"What the fuck you talking about?" I ask calmly.

"Don't worry about it."

I shrug. "Fine."

All I did was walk in the bedroom and open my suitcase. I didn't do anything else. She didn't say anything else. So what am I supposed to say to what? I'm making her mad on purpose. By walking in the room? I check my phone to be sure she didn't send me anything. I don't even know.

"Aye, come here."

"No. You can't erase stuff with your fucking charm."

I sit down facing. "Is it cause you pregnant? What is it?"

"Just leave it alone."

"Yo, come here." I say again. Still trying not to be overly aggressive which I do a lot.

She sucks her teeth then walk over to me but not close enough to touch. "What's the difference between me here and there?"

I stand up going to her. Good question. I walk into her belly on purpose. She like 7 months and it really shows how close she is to having the baby.

"What did I do?"

"Same shit you always do." She snaps. I rub her hips. She battles with herself then gives in. "I tell Jordan no or I take something from her then you come and undo me completely. Take my opinion away like I'm not her mother."

I shrug. "Oh."

"Oh?"

"I thought I did something else." I say then chuckle. "What I did today that I need to fix?"

She folds her arm. "Did you ask why her phone was in here?"

"She just said it was in here. Leah." I pause. "I don't know what she said. I told her to go get her phone."

"She was texting in some group chat with older boys and girls. I don't remember all the shit they were talking about but nobody was filtering anything."

I frown. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugs. "When did I have time, Rollie?"

"I know you did." I nod. "We have a child coming. If you doing all the parent shit alone what you need me for? Talk to me while the shit happening. You should have called me into the room before you took her phone. Now she has to be punished again when we could have done it together the first time."

"Blame it on me."

I slap her thigh then walk away. "Stop whining. I'll be back."

"Rollie?" My mom says stopping in the hallway. "While I'm already being the worst mother on the planet, I minus well talk to you. You probably feel like I did you wrong as well. Well I didn't. But I do want to say that you are being selfish by holding something against me that's your fault. I mean... what I'm saying is I won't take back what I said about you running the streets trying to get yourself killed. You made the decision to continue running the streets instead of getting your life together."

She pauses, maybe for a response. I'm not sure why cause ain't shit to say.

"You could have been anything more than a convicted felon. I never wanted you to limit yourself to that. Your father wouldn't have it. But anyway. I really want to be in your life. You are still my baby boy. My only son. My first child. The first person I knew I would have and love forever. Nobody was there for you more than me your whole life. So yeah... I'm a bitch I know. But you aren't too far from the block in a male sense. You just stubborn."

I shrug. "Okay."

"Okay, nothing Rollie." She snaps.

"So what do you want?" I shrug. These fucking women.

She giggles. "A hug."

I frown my face. A fucking hug? "Okay, Cheesy."

I hug her short ass. I don't know who this lady is that wants to work on her fucking attitude. Never has she wanted to work with people to correct the shit her ass has done. But she saying let's forget the shit in the past. I'm okay with that. I do want her to be in my child's life. She was a great mother. Like she said she was always there for me when I was doing right. I'm just getting my damn life together.

"I can make you feel better and be a man about mine. I should have listened to you. Finished high school and went to college."

"You aren't even 40. You can be everything you could have been at 20." She smiles patting my back. "I'm sorry we had to go through so much to undo a broken heart. I should have just... I don't know. Don't know what I should have done."

I hug her tighter. My mother was probably 5'5 with 6' heels. I look down at her teeth. Top of her head came to my shoulders and she had on shoes. I never thought about what I would do if my mother came to me apologetic or whatever the hell she calls this. Didn't expect it. But she my mama at the end of the day and I would go broke paying someone else to wipe her ass if she needed it. I guess we all growing up.

"Are we done here? You soft."

She walks away abruptly. I don't know about this suddenly redemption shit. It's all good though. Like I said I want her in my child's life. She fucking spoils Lane and he adores her like his other grandma. So I can try.

"Why are you standing in the hallway, Rollie? I just knew you weren't doing what you should have been." Leah whines. "Can you get my food from the front door?"

"Yeah." I say walking away. "Then do what?"

She sucks her teeth. "Get your daughter."

"Oh." I say walking away then cutting my eyes back towards her.

When she became my daughter? Before we was mad about her being my daughter. Now she calling her that. Jordan sees me coming and hides.

"I heard what mommy said. Don't come get me."

"Go to your mother." I say walking to the front.

She whines. "She won't listen. She just yells."

"I'm coming in there. Give me that phone then go stand near the door. Wait for me."

"You said I could get it." She whines.

"Don't make this hard on us."

She stomps out the room leaving her phone on the couch. I sigh.

"Get back in here. I said give it to me."

"Not fair." She whispers.

I take the phone from her. "Stop acting."

Know she doesn't get in trouble. Might get this piece of shit taken for a night. She has a damn tablet anyway. I walk to the front door and take the food. She could have told me it wasn't paid for. I go dig through Cammie's purse and take a 50 dollar bill from a stack. Look at this shit. Fucking rich ass. I'll tell her. Maybe.

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peachybowen · 5 years

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stupid • r.b

series masterlist

pt.1 pt.2

pairing: ricky bowen x reader

warnings: none

songs: Falling For U by Peachy! and mxmtoon, Wondering by Julia Lester and Olivia Rodrigo

words: 3.6k

AND ALSO I’M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE A MASTERLIST 🤪 YOU CAN SEE WHAT I’M WORKING ON AND YEAHHH

A/N: feedback is always appreciated 🥺 I’m sorry if you find any grammar mistakes. Enjoy xx

I have dreamed of playing the lead since 5th grade. Of course I didn't tell anyone besides my brother and Cousin. When I got home last night, my brother and I talked. He was happy for me. Ej also said that he was really proud of me but he also added that he thinks that Nini deserved better.

,,Yo, what's up? I'm trading in my East High Leopards gear to be a Wildcat, starting today, because it's the day of the read-through! Blessed to be playing Chad. Swipe up for a link to tickets.'' EJ said holding his phone up, smiling the whole time.

,,Hi!'' Ash and I exclaimed simultaneously, walking up to EJ.

,,Say hi to my cousin and my little sister and bye to my cousin and sister.'' he turned his phone off and put it in his jeans pocket.

,,You're in a good mood.'' I mentioned and continued walking beside him, with Ash on his other side.

,,That's just for the fans, Y/N. Inside I'm a bucket of sad.'' he stated and I looked at Ash and then at him.

,,You still not over the not-getting Troy thing?'' Ash asked.

,,I put 3 years into this drama department and now I have to understudy my girlfriend's ex?'' he turned to me.

,,No offense Y/N.” he added and I just laughed and waved it off.

,,I know it sucks. But, I mean; Y/N is Gabriella and I don't think we would want an incest couple in our play, you know.'' Ash explained and I cringed at the thought.

,,Ash is 100% right.'' I agreed and started walking faster, Ash right behind me.

When we arrived at the rehearsal room, I saw Ej putting the Chad Danford card next to the Gabriella one. Ricky and I didn't talk much since the auditions and maybe, just maybe, that was my fault. I have been avoiding him, which was actually pretty hard considering I had almost all my classes with him. He tried to talk to me here and there but I just hummed in response most of the time. Honestly I was just trying to get over my crush on him. He still wasn't over Nini and he actually wanted to take part in the musical for her and I kinda ruined his chances because she did not get the lead. I also didn't want to ruin our friendship. We were friends since kindergarten and I wanted to keep him as a friend. After the auditions, Ash came over. She actually told me not to avoid Ricky but I just thought it was a good idea. Of course Ej agreed with me.

,,Could everyone take their assigned seats?'' Ms.Jenn asked loud enough for everone to hear. I walked to my seat and noticed that Ej put the cards back to how they were. I sat down with a sigh. Soon after Miss Jenn actually asked Big Red to read the stage directions because Natalie, the stage director, wasn't there. And like 5 seconds after that Ricky took the seat next to me. I looked at Ash, who was sitting across from me. She smiled and turned her attention to the blonde drama teacher.

,,I realize that you all walked in here as strangers.'' she started looking at us.

,,Actually, I'm Y/N and EJ’s, cousin!'' Ashlyn corrected. I could see Ricky looking at me out of the corner of my eye but I just ignored him.

,,But after today, you're a family. Please take your neighbors' hand.'' she finished and everyone did what the teacher said. I took Gina's hand and turned my head to Ricky, who was holding his hand out for me. I took his hand but avoided eye contact.

,,Hand.'' Ms.Jenn said as soon as she saw that Ej and Ricky weren't holding hands. Their heads shot in my direction when they heard me giggle. I stopped immediately.

,,Feel each other's energy. Let the silence speak volumes. In a world full of no, this is a space full of yes.'' the drama teacher preached.

,,Nice. Did you just come up with that?'' Carlos whispered to the middle-aged woman.

,,I did.'' she replied, smiling at him. It was silent. Nobody said anything and I could feel Ricky staring again and I just turned my head to Gina and smiled at her. Seconds later Ms.Jenn started singing ''We're all in this together.''. I let go of Ricky and Gina's hand and looked at the script on my table, highlighting my lines. Ash started to clap after Ms.Jenn finished singing. Nobody clapped beside her so she stopped and everyone looked at her.

,,"Sharpay heads for class, hears singing," "opens the door to the biology lab." "She finds Gabriella and Taylor washing their hands." "They turn to find there are no paper towels in the dispenser. They-'''' Big Red was disrupted by Miss Jenn before he could continue reading.

,,Try to read the punctuation.'' she instructed and smiled at the redhead.

,,"Sharpay comma heads for class period.'''' he said and I grinned. He was so oblivious sometimes it was cute.

We took a break after reading act one. I was talking to Ash but I also kinda watched my brother and Nini talking. And, yes, Ricky looked at them too. Nini got a text, she laughed, and Ricky was on his phone so it was kinda obvious that he sent her a meme or something like that. Ej glared at him and sat down again.

,,Cool glasses.'' I turned my head to see Seb taking a seat next to Ashlyn. She smiled.

,,Thanks. They're my grandmas.'' she acknowledged.

,,I have the same ones at home.'' he laughed.

,,Really? Why?'' I asked, trying to join the conversation again.

,,So, I can see when I'm milking.'' he replied and I was confused.

Milking?

Before I had the chance to ask what he meant by that, Miss Jenn said that we were gonna continue.

I was on stage waiting for Ricky. Ms.Jenn wanted us to start rehearsing early and I wasn't really thrilled. When he came running in, he said that he was sorry for being late.

,,We're diving into page 97.'' Ms.Jenn directed and handed us the script.

,,You mean the last scene?'' Ricky asked just as confused as I was. The teacher just hummed in response.

,,You wanna rehearse this? It's just one line.'' I also asked.

,,Yeah, I've got one, too.'' Ricky stated turning to me.

,,And then there's the kiss.'' Ms.Jenn exclaimed. I looked at her and started to panic.

,,There was no-. I don't remember a kiss in what we read yesterday.'' I stuttered trying to reason with her.

,,It was very much in the original movie.''

,,I only remember a hug.'' I augmented further. I wasn't really in the mood to kiss my best friend. It would just make things more awkward between us.

,,The kiss ended up being cut. Little racy for its time.'' she explained looking at me with a smile.

Later that day I sat in Miss Jenn's office, explaining to her that I just couldn't kiss Ricky.

°Ej's POV°

I was standing outside Ms.Jenn's office, waiting for Y/N when Ashlyn walked up to me.

,,Hi!'' she greeted cheerfully.

,,Go away.'' I simply said.

,,No, you go away. You're standing in front of my locker.''

I stepped away and she opened the locker.

,,I can't believe this. She's around Ricky's finger.''

,,Who?'' Ash asked and looked at me.

,,Miss Jenn! She added a kiss.'' I explained and Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

,,Ej, stop. He's not bribing our director.'' she interrupted.

,,Y/N doesn't want to kiss him, Ash. And I don't want that either.''

,,Being her big brother doesn't mean you own her.'' she commented. I rolled my eyes and changed the subject.

,,I need you to do me a favor.''

,,What kind of favor?'' she asked with a raised brow.

,,I need you to borrow Nini's phone.'' I explained and she looked at me like I was crazy.

,,Borrow? As in steal?''

I just nodded. I needed to be 100% sure that Ricky wasn't in the way of my relationship. Nini was different. She wasn't like other girls. The girl helped me be a better person.

,,Okay, you've just gone up 3 levels of scary!'' the girl stressed, shocked by my words. She tried to reason with me for a bit but then she left, leaving me standing alone in front of the office, waiting for my sister.

°Y/N’s pov°

,,I'm kinda lost. If the play is over, why would we still be dancing?'' Ricky asked beside me. We were back in the rehearsing room. Just as I was about to answer, Carlos came up from behind us.

,,It's a certain call. You're the last two to come out. We want to bring the audience to their feet!'' he explained snickering.

,,Teach them the dance.'' Ricky joked.

,,Carlos? Can we wait for Miss Jenn?'' I pleaded kinda just wanting the director there.

,,Miss Jenn is busy tracking down a prop. She's asked me to create a crescendo, people, so let's stop swirling and let's start twirling.'' Carlos directed calmly.

,,But why are we practicing the bows when we haven't even practiced the play?'' Ricky asked still confused.

,,Because you start with the hardest dance that takes the longest to learn. It's in the Big Book of Broadway.'' Carlos started. Gina came up behind him.

,,Page 374.'' they both finished at the same time. Gina walked away after they both high-fived each other.

Shortly after we started practicing the dance. Ricky was terrible. I mean he tried but he did not succeed. Kinda embarrassing.

,,What is he doing?'' Nini asked from the side as soon as the music stopped. I turned to look at her. She stepped forward and looked at Carlos.

,,Why you're talking to him? I'm right here.''

And that was when I took a step back. I wasn't in the mood to be in the middle of Nini and Ricky drama. I had enough of that over the summer.

,,'Cause you're not here. Not for the right reasons.'' Nini snapped.

,,What's that supposed to mean?'' Ricky asked standing right in front of her. Everyone was silent. Nobody wanted to interrupt that conversation.

,,What I said, Ricky. You hate musicals. You're doing this so we're in each other's grills.''

Carlos took a step forward to break the two apart but they kept on going.

,,Now you're rubbing some weird cologne on your neck.''

,,Hey, you love Throb!''

,,And wasting everybody's time by making fun of something that the rest of us take seriously.'' the brown-haired girl ranted. After the words left her mouth, Carlos told everyone to take a five-minute break and to get out. I stayed just being moral support for Carlos and Ricky. He and Nini argued for a few more seconds, my brother's name was mentioned and Ricky left. Just as Miss Jenn came back, Ricky walked through the door.

,,We're you going Troy?'' she asked, confused as to why he was leaving in the middle of rehearsals.

,,It's Ricky.'' he mumbled before exiting the room. I sighed, looked at Nini, who looked at her hands, grabbed my things and went after him.

,,Why are my leads leaving?'' Miss Jenn asked again.

Ricky was way faster than me.

I mean have you seen him? He's way taller than me!

However, when I saw Big Red outside talking to him, I decided to let them talk. My mind just told me to leave him alone to cool off, you know? So I decided to talk to Nini instead. On the way back, Carlos asked me where Ricky went and I told him that he went outside. Not so sure if that was a good idea because it would just put more pressure on Ricky. When I arrived at the rehearsal room again, Miss Jenn was talking to Nini and she still stood by the piano, looking at her hands.

,,Nini can I talk to you for a second?'' I asked and walked in her direction. Miss Jenn turned to look at me and left the room without another word. I think she knew that it was better to let teenagers sort their problems out alone sometimes.

,,I really don't want to talk to you right now. Ricky probably send you and I'm really not in the mood to-''

,,Ricky did not 'send' me. I'm here because I chose to talk to you. I know that you probably don't even want that because I basically stole the role you wanted to play but listen. Miss Jenn is working really hard on this musical and so is everyone else and I know it's hard being in a musical with your ex- and current boyfriend but please, for the sake of this musical, get along with Ricky.''

,,Y/N you don't even understand the situation. You never had an ex before!''

,,That may be true but I'm not on good terms with Ricky either! Do you see me causing a scene? No! So please Nini, at least consider, not ripping Ricky's face off.'' and with that, I left.

The first thing I did when I arrived at home was eat. I always ate when I was frustrated. Not my best habit. While waiting for my pizza to be done, I decided to post something on Instagram

y/ncaswell

Salt Lake City, Utah

liked by ejcaswell, dancingcarlos and 67 more

y/ncaswell you're looking at your Gabriella Montez baby 🤪

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dancingcarlos and that's on actually auditioning for Taylor

yourgirlash u rocked that audition tho! So proud of u :))

I smiled at all the supporting comments and began eating my pizza, which I got out of the oven without burning my hands.

what? I'm proud of me. I always burn my hands while getting the pizza out of the oven. That's why Ej is normally doing it when... I want pizza.

After eating half of the pizza, leaving the other half for Ej, I went upstairs. I threw my bag into a corner and threw myself on bed. I sighed and grabbed my ukulele. The next thing I knew was that I started playing some chords that popped into my head.

I was hangin' with you and then I realized

I didn't think it was true, I was surprised

When I found out I've fallen for you

I didn't wanna believe my feelings for you

I didn't wanna believe that I could lose you

If I told you just how I felt

But I can't help it

I'm falling for you

And I can't quit it

'Cause I'm stuck on you

And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical

But I just want to be with you

Please tell me, boy

Can you get a clue?

Or come through 'cause I just want to be with you

,,The song is for him right?''

I gasped in surprise and turned my head to the door to see EJ leaning against my door frame, eating the pizza I left for him.

,,When did you come home?'' I asked while placing the ukulele on the floor. He walked towards me and sat on the edge of my mattress.

,,5 minutes ago but stop trying to change the subject. The song is for Ricky right?''

I just nodded, looking at my hands.

,,It's cute.''

,,What?'' I asked and looked up.

,,The song. It's cute. I mean I don't really support the idea of you and him together, you know that but I like the song.''

,,Thank you and don't worry EJ, him and me? That won't happen. He's still in love with Nini.'' I responded with a sad smile.

,,I know this may sound really awful but maybe it's just not meant to be.''

Maybe he was right. Maybe the universe wanted to show me that it just wasn't meant to be. That I was chasing a dream. Ricky was so in love with Nini and to be honest I wasn't surprised. Nini was such a sweet and gorgeous girl, always have been. It's so easy to fall in love with her. No wonder my brother did.

I nodded and the only word that left my mouth was:,,Maybe.''

EJ flashed me a smile, patted my shoulder and left the bedroom. I sighed and my head hit the pillow.

The next day was pretty much uneventful.

Ok maybe that's a lie. I did catch Nini spying on Carlos and Ricky in the library. That's a good thing right?

When I opened the door to the auditorium, everything was silent. But as soon as the door closed and I leaned my back on the wall, someone started playing the piano. The curiosity got the best of me and I walked up the stage to see who was playing the wonderful melody. I was quite surprised to discover Ashlyn sitting in front of the piano, pressing the keys softly.

,,Oh hi.'' was the first thing she said when she noticed my presence.

,,Hi. I didn't know anyone was in here.'' I answered looking at my cousin, who took her hands off the piano keys.

,,I can be gone in like 7 seconds. Six if I don't zip my bag.'' She replied as she started to throw her things into her bag.

,,No, Ash. Don't go. What was that?''

,,What was what?'' she asked and stopped packing her things.

,,The song you were just playing.''

,,Oh that. Miss Jenn asked me to compose a song for my character. It's probably way too much.'' she explained and grabbed the notes out of her bag again. I just nodded and listen to her ramble. I didn't really know why she was so nervous.

,,Why don't you play me some more of your song?'' I asked and sat down beside her. Ashlyn nodded and started playing the same melody I heard when the door closed.

,,Seems like a part of me will always have to lose.'' She began, her eyes watching her fingers which were pressing down the piano keys.

,,Every single time I have to choose

Swore that it felt right, but was I wrong?

Is this where I'm supposed to be at all?

I don't have the answers, not today

It's like nothing makes the questions go away

What I'd give to see If the grass was greener

On the other side

Of all I've had and lost

Would it be enough

Or would I still be wondering?'' she sang, her eyes still trained on the piano.

,,If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had

And bet against the odds

Would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams

Would there still be something I'm missing?

If I had everything Would it mean anything?''

I looked at her in awe. I never really heard Ashlyn sing like that before and she had so much talent. She turned her gaze to me for a second, implying to sing with her. I smiled and turned my attention to the little sheet of paper in front of me.

,,Maybe I should turn around and take the other road

Or maybe I'm just looking for what I already know.'' we sang together, smiling after realizing that we hit every note in perfect harmony.

,,I'm just wondering...

It feels like I might have broke the best thing that I had.'' I sang alone and at that exact moment, Ricky slowly walked in. We didn't notice though. We were to caught up in our own little moment.

,,I said too much to ever take it back

I'm scared I'll never find something as good

And would I even know it if I could?'' I vocalized the verse Ashlyn wrote so flawlessly.

,,If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had

And bet against the odds

Would I still be lost?

Even if I woke up in my dreams

Would there still be something I'm missing

If I had everything

Would it mean anything.'' we both sang again.

,,To me?'' I finished and smiled. My smile fell as soon as I saw Ricky standing in the room.

,,Uh...We're back.'' he stuttered and looked at us with semi-wide eyes.

,,What?'' I asked quietly.

,,Downstairs.'' the curly-haired boy answered and shook his head slightly which made his curls bounce a little.

,,Miss Jenn wants to see everyone in the bomb shelter.'' he finished and left without saying another word. I looked at Ashlyn and she just shrugged before she got up and packed her things. Me being the incredible cousin I am, I waited for her.

When we arrived downstairs the whole theater group was building a small circle around the blonde drama teacher who had a huge carton in front of her.

,,Here it is, people.'' Miss Jenn breathed out, holding a small device in her hands.

,,Is that a garage-door opener?'' Seb asked as he looked at the small object in front of him.

,,No, Seb. This is Gabriella's Phone. From the film.''

A few students gasped.

,,I plan on creating a time-capsule display in our lobby. If they can have 40 sports-ball trophies, we deserve a little movie museum.'' the teacher explained, holding up the phone so everyone could see.

,,Okay, people, enough dazzle. Fetch your scripts please. Places for the top of the ski lodge!''

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