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#bike license plates
zoomar · 8 months
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Order Now!
Pac-Man You'll eat it up! Bumper Sticker
I ❤️ Pac-Man Apron
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neunhofferart · 26 days
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Does Chaos Theory take place before dominion? Is there some sort of timeline?
Yep! It takes place before Dominion. September 2022 is when our show is set.
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bunny-extract · 9 months
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instead of his balaclava Ghost wears his bike helmet when he's in civilian areas. Pitch black visor, matte black shell with a spray painted skull across the visage that Soap did for him.
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lonelyplanetfag · 4 months
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i am always thinking 4 u fondly i uope this year treats u gentle & u let yrself get some sleep PLEASE GO 2 BED
ur so sweet i love u🫂🫂 i hope good things happen 2 u forever n ever u deserve it<3 i think abt u a whole lot esp when i'm writing poems n i hope everythings good 4 u🫂🩶 also im sorry i get 6-8hrs on weekends n 3 on school nights but i sleep a lil after school n drink a lotta coke so it's ok ithink:)
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ocdhuacheng · 7 months
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There’s a house in my neighborhood that has a stand with israel sign in their front yard and I kind of really want to steal it and throw it in the local supermarket dumpster on the way back from work tomorrow night
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kineticpenguin · 9 months
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This is the most embarrassing John Green post ever made and it's not even a shitpost edit someone did to him
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baltimorebikeracks · 3 days
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dailylicenseplates · 6 months
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License Plate of the Day 0010
State: Maryland
Run: 2017?-present
Type: special interest
My Other Car is a Bicycle
The BN does not stand for anything in particular
One of the hundreds of organizational support license plates offered in Maryland. Costs $25 and must be a member of the organization to obtain, money collected does not go to the organization.
Image Credit
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GOR1De
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humansofnewyork · 6 months
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“Stop signs? I don’t care about any of that shit. Don’t have a license. Don’t have a license plate on my bike. I’m an outlaw through and through. I take it very seriously. The way I look at it, there’s a law of government and a law of man. And I follow the law of man. Right and wrong, that’s it. And the government don’t do right. I’m not trying to make myself a martyr. They already won. Darkness won. I’m just taking care of me and my own and doing what I can to keep their claws out of my back. I’ve got a half mile dirt drive that goes way back up in the woods, and that’s not far enough. They tried to pin me with some multimillion-dollar drug ring, and this is what I told them. In the courtroom, while my lawyer is elbowing me in the ribs to shut up. I said: ‘Listen man. You're fucking with a bunch of hillbillies trying to get high. All we do is fucking work on cars and bikes and snowmobiles and four wheelers and then go riding, and afterward we try to get naked with our old ladies. I’m just giving people that I care about something that they’re going to get elsewhere, that I can get them for a way lesser price and make sure the shit ain’t fucked with. What’s the problem with that?”
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castielsprostate · 5 months
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okay i want to do one too!!!!!
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halcyon-autumn · 8 months
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Wheel of Time Characters and the Cars They'd Drive
Written by someone who knows extremely little about cars
Rand: The poor boy buys like a standard issue sedan and then a bunch of weirdos start following him around and telling him that the car is "special." Moiraine spray paints dragon decals on his car one night while he's sleeping. People keep trying to slash his tires but he always catches them just in time. You know how it goes
Perrin: Pickup truck with normal sized wheels. Great for helping people move! Also great for running people over. Duality of man etc etc. There's always a dog in the back sticking its head out the window, but Perrin does not know this dog or where it came from
Nynaeve: She buys a used car that looks like it's falling apart and everyone tells her that she overpaid. Four months in, they realize that the last owner did a bunch of Fast and Furious style modifications and Nynaeve could probably outrace God
Mat: Bike. This SHOULD NOT WORK but somehow he's still on time to everything. This baffles everyone, including him
Egwene: Something VERY practical with great gas mileage, like a honda civic. That's the only practical car I know because it's what my dad told me to buy.
Elayne: Lexus. Mat makes fun of her for driving a luxury car and she's like "????? it's not like it's a Cadillac?"
Liandrin: A Cadillac
Moiraine: A jeep, but the nicest most upgraded version. Unless there's a car that's better for off-roading, in which case she drives that instead
Lan: A cool classic car. A car that can drift (maybe all cars can drift but Lan's definitely can). He thinks that Nynaeve's car is The Coolest for some reason
Lanfear: A horse! Just kidding. She drives a silver range rover because an article I googled said that range rovers are the king of the road.
Bonus:
Asmodean: the car type Does Not Matter all that matters is that he has a vanity license plate
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obey-me-disaster · 2 years
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MC gets followed by a car while driving home
A/N: This is actually a thing that happened to me a while ago when going home with a friend and I wanted to write something about it. If this happens to you call the police(thing I didn't do) and stay as safe as you can. If you want to see this with the side characters feel free to request.
TW: Stalking under the cut
Demon brothers x gn!MC headcanons
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Driving during the night was relaxing in a way. There were barely any cars around, making going home after meeting with a friend back in the human world so much easier and relaxing. No need to worry about traffic, being able to go at your own pace without annoying others, it was a really nice way to end your day.
As you were singing along to one of your favourite songs a car passed by you. While you didn't exactly pay too much attention to it, you couldn't help but notice that the car was full of guys, and that one of them was giving you a hand sign as they passed by your car. At the time you didn't stay and think about it too much, they were probably just friends having fun.
The car seemed to go on a street that led elsewhere. Just as you passed that street, the car was behind you again. You thought it was a bit weird, but you ignored it, in favour of thinking they were just taking advantage of the empty streets during the night to drive around, after all you often used to do that with your friends too.
But they kept being weird. They would pass by you, only to stop on the side of the road to let you get ahead of them so they could start following you again. Again and again. It was as if you were a mouse getting chased by a cat, and it didn't stop just at that either. Giving you weird signals with the lights of their car, getting so close to you, that if you were to stop, they would crash right into you. They were probably having fun toying with you like that.
You took note of their car, from the brand to color, the license plate and whatever details you managed to notice while driving. You were afraid to go home cause what if they followed you there? You didn't think of calling the police because what would you have told them? You didn't know what street were you on or how far you would drive. You didn't know what their intentions were either.
In the end you manage to lose them. When they passed by your car for what you thought to be the millionth time, you took the chance to go on a side street that you knew well enough. They couldn't turn their car to go after you so you were safe. You stopped the car at what you thought to be a safe place to calm yourself.
You were away from them, you were safe, so why were your hands trembling so much. You even flinched when you saw the light the of what you thought was a car but it ended up being two girls on their bike that were probably going home. You knew you wouldn't be able to get home in this state. You would probably end up in an accident if you got scared of the lights of another car. Seeing you didn't have any other choice you decided to call someone to get you.
Lucifer
He was doing paperwork for Lord Diavolo when you called him. He got annoyed for a second, thinking it was one of his brothers interrupting him, but when he saw it was you he relaxed.
When he saw your name on his phone he thought you called to tell him to go to sleep or to at least tell himm good night. He smiled fondly thinking of you, but his smile quickly fade as he heard the tremble in your voice, asking him if he was busy
He quickly reassured you that he was in no way busy, and went straight to the point in asking you if you were ok.
He was relieved that you were not hurt, but absolutely furious at the people that dared to stalk you.
He went straight to Barbatos to ask him to open a portal to the human world so he could get to you.
By the time he got there you managed to calm down just a little bit but you were still on the edge. You even got startled when Lucifer opened the door to your car. It absolutely saddened him to see the state you were in.
He took you and brought you back to Devildom with him. You needed to be away from that place, that car will still be there the next day.
He took you in his room in order to relax down. He didn't want his brothers storming into his room and making you more tense than you already were. He served one of your favourite warm drinks and asked you to tell him everything you know.
While he doesn't want you to relieve the experience so soon, he needs as much information he can get for you.
After you tell him everything he takes you to bed to sleep in his embrace. Paperwork can wait, he needs to take care of you for now.
He will talk with Diavolo to use all the resources he can get to catch those guys. While he won't kill them he will make sure they will regret this.
Mammon
He was in his room watching a movie because Lucifer grounded him from going to the casino or a club for that week, and honestly, after hearing the tremble in your voice he was greatful for it
When he saw your name appear on his phone he got excited. Of course his human would call him! He was their first man! But any exciment died down when you told him what happened.
It wasn't his fault but he still felt useless. He was here, watching a movie while you were all the way in the human world in danger.
The feeling of helpessness turned into anger for you, how dare those guys go after his human?! He stayed on the phone with you until he got to the Demon Lord's castle where he asked Barbatos to open a portal to the human world to get to you.
Barbatos at first didn't want to do that, thinking it was one of Mammon' schemes but quicly changed his mind when he heard about your situation
Unlike Lucifer, Mammon didn't go back to Devildom, instead he drove you homelet's hope you don't live with your parents
He sent a short message to Lucifer explaing his situation and why he will be staying in the human world for a while. He also got permission from Lucifer to use anything he needs to catch those guys.
After you two got to your house he went straight to prepare something for you to eat and drink. He just asked for a small description of the car that followed you so he could send his crows to search for it. He wasn't gonna ask for more details, at least for now.
That will he will be focused only on making you feel better. Once he saw that you relaxed and were able to smile and joke again he decided to it's time to just go to sleep.
He held onto you tightly. If you didn't know any better you would think he is the one that needs reassurance, and in a way you were not wrong. In his mind he nearly lost you just cause some guys decided to see you as their play thing. He was gonna make sure they will pay once finds them.
Leviathan
He was playing video games when he got the call from you. He knew it was you because he set a special ringtone for when you call. He was so excited to tell you about the latest anime he watched but he stopped in his tracks when he heard your voice. Why did you sound so, afraid?
He nearly summoned Lotan when he heard what you went though. How dare those do anything to his Henry?!
If Mammon felt useless, Levi felt like straight up garbage. Of course you got into danger when he couldn't help you. And even if he was there, would he be able to help if he was there?
He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard you call his name, asking if he was still there. There was no time for self depracting thinking.
He went straight to Lucifer to tell him about the situation and to ask Barbatos to open up a portal to the human world. He didn't even need to go the Demon Lord's castle because Barbatos teleported straight to the House of Lamentation in order to open up a portal to the human world.
When he got there he wanted to cry when he saw you get startled by him. He decided to take you with him back to Devildom and went straight into his room.
He got everything he needed in order to distract you there: videos games, movies, anime, books, manga, snacks, his pet fish Henry.
He lets you vent about the whole thing as you take out your frustration out on a video game. He texts Lucifer everything about the car, so that the older brother could start the investigation. You didn't need to go through reliving that event and you are his first priority either way.
He doesn't really want to let you back to the human world, even after those guys got caught, but there isn't much he can do
If Diavolo and Lucifer let him, he would feed those guys to Lotan
Satan
He was reading in his room the latest crime fiction novel he got his hands on. He was so fascinated by how the main character got away from the the bad guys chasing them with their car that he nearly missed your call.
When he saw that you were the one calling he got worried, why were you calling at this hour? Did something happen?
He clinged to the thought that maybe you just missed him, or that you saw a cute cat, but in the end his worries were confirmed when he heard your voice.
He had to restrain himself from asking too many questions at once. He felt his stomach drop when you told him what happened. Suddenly reading that novel seemed like it was a bad idea, cause he keeps thinking of the worst scenarios possible.
He was more than enraged at the fools that put you through all of that.
He messaged Barbatos a short summary od the situation so he could prepare a portal for when he gets to the castle. By the time he gets there he managed to calm himself down enough to be able to go get you.
He puts a spell on your car to change its appearance, in case those bastards come back by any chance and takes you back to Devildom. You needed to be far away from that place for now.
He read a lot about this type of situation so he knows how to help you relax and what questions to ask.
He will bring some cats for you to pet in order to relax while he already gets everything prepared to go find those idiots.
He will use the help of his brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos, any other contacts he has in order to make quick work of the whole situation. No need to drag it out. The faster this whole thing ends, the better for you.
He will make sure those guys pay for what they did, he needs to take out his wrath in some way.
Asmodeus
He was coming back from a club when he got your call. He was so excited to talk with you! He missed you so much and had so much drama from RAD to tell you about.
He cheerful demeanor vanished as he listen to what happened to you. He was livid that some nobodies would decide to toy with you like that
He called Solomon to open up a portal to the human world or to at least ask Barbatos to open one.
The moment he saw you he went straight for a hug. He had to hold himself back from asking for the full story there and then.
He took you back to the House of Lamentation and let the others deal with tracking down those guys. The only person he really cared about at the moment was you, he could deal with those guys later
He prepared a bath for you using some of his favourite esential oils and bathbomb he has. If you are comfortable with it he would want to join you and give you a massage while you vent about the whole ordeal.
If you are not comfortable with that he will prepare something to eat and drink while you relax.
He wants you to relax as much as you can. You don't need to worry about those stalkers anymore. The next day will be dedicated only to self care for the both of you so he can take your mind off the incident.
He will also use his big following to speed up the whole investigation.
Once he finds out who those guys are he will ruin their social life in the worst ways possible. No need to harm them physically if you can ruin their life after all.
Beelzebub
He felt restless that night so he decided to go on a run to tire himself out. He had a really bad feeling about something but he couldn't figure out what.
In the end he decided it must have something to do with food so he went to get something on his way home from his run.
As he was waiting in line to order food he got a call from you. Just seeing you call him made him feel a little less hungry. But he lost all appetite for food when he heard your voice trembling, suddenly he understood where that nasty feeling he had came from.
He beat himself up for not being able to be there for you physically. What if they hurt you, or worse? He didn't even want to think about what 'worse' could mean.
He left that place and ran home as fast as he could straight to he Demon Lord's Castle to tell Barbatos to open a portal to the human world.
When he got to you he was out of breath from all the running, but when he saw that you weren't hurt he felt a huge weight off his shoulder dissapear.
He could smell the fear on you so he decided to carry you back home to his brothers.
He lets you talk about it over a meal he prepared for the both of you hemadeaneffortnottoeatit
He reassures you that you are safe there and that he won't let anything happen to you. In a way it he said that to reassure himself too, that he would not let anything hurt you.
He probably has to be stopped from eating those guys that followed you.
Every now and then instead of a nightmare with Lilith he gets a nightmare where you get hurt and he can't do anything to help you.
Belphegor
He was actually not asleep. He was in the planetarium stargazing when he got the call from you. He wondered what were you up to at this hour, maybe you were stargazing too?
He couldn't have guessed any more wrong even if he tried. Just hearing the way you asked him if you woke him up was enough to let him know something happened.
For a second he thought it was a nightmare, and was waiting to wake up, but hearing you continue to talk made him realize that it was reality.
As much as he didn't want to he went to Lucifer for help to not only get to you but to find out who those guys were.
When he got to you he didn't ask you to leave imediately. He stayed with you outside the car for a bit. He didn't want his brothers to start questioning you were still feeling like shit
As a way to calm you down he started to tell you about whatever constellation he could see in the sky at the moment. Just listenting to his voice made you relax and feel drowsy.
Noticing how you leaned on his shoulder and were about to fall asleep, he decided it was finally time to head home to his brothers.
He brought you straight to the planetarium, where he could continue telling you stories about different constellations and stars while he would play with your hair. You felt so nice and warm next to him that he struggled to stay awake.
Once he made sure you weren't having any nightmares and that you could sleep well he decided to talk with his brothers for the next course of action.
Once he finds out who those bastards are he will make sure they will have only nightmares for a long time.
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jeonqkooks · 1 year
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a fluff drabble ; 37 & 50 w the supernova couple:(
ways to hold the sun | jjk
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SUPERNOVA SERIES MASTERPOST
pairing: jungkook x f!reader prompts: "you wrote me a song?" + "this isn't adrenaline, i want to spend the rest of my life with you." rating: PG genre/warnings: established relationship, idol au; fluff, itty bitty angst (for the supernova peeps?! shocking :o); kissing, implied smut, jk rides a motorcycle, unedited bc yolo 🤷‍♀️ word count: 1.8k note: thank you so much anon for sending in this request!! i'm almost a year late to this but like i always say, better late than never right? lol. anyways, this request gave me the chance to wrap up their story with a neat little bow. i can't believe this is the last thing i'll write for supernova :( this series will always be one of my personal favorites and i'm so emo that i'm ending their story with this drabble. but, they'll always have a special, special place in my heart and i'll always love them <3
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
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How do you hold the sun?
The answer is simple.
You hold him with two arms wrapped around his waist - tightly, because it feels like he holds your life in the palm of his hand. In more ways than one, he does.
You hated that motorcycle that he loved so much, calling it unsafe even though he isn't reckless at all. He may be a daredevil sometimes, and the most adventurous compared to his hyungs, but Jungkook would never neglect his safety. He returns home to you every day, that's always his number one priority.
He'd convinced you to let him take you out on his motorcycle today, to this spot he knows just outside of the city to watch the sunset together. You'd been against the idea at first, but it was a losing battle and you were all too aware of it. Once he'd whipped out a pout and big puppy dog eyes, you knew you'd cave.
Now, as you sit behind him, holding onto him like a koala as the bike moves smoothly along with the wind, you're glad that you'd agreed to let him do this. The city grows smaller, and it feels like all of your worries seem more and more insignificant - manageable, like something you could easily overcome - by the second, until the whole skyline can fit into one single frame.
It feels nice, hiding in plain sight. The ridiculously chunky helmets that sit securely on your heads shield you from any and all outsiders. You can squeeze him as tightly as you want even at the red lights, and he can hold your hand without the fear of being recognized. To anyone else, you're just two lovebirds and a license plate. Two people in love. It's the most normal thing in the world.
When you arrive at your destination and he takes off his helmet, the radiance of his grin almost knocks you off your axis. It's ever-bright, filled with so much happiness that could make you cry for some reason. You'll never understand how a person can be the entire universe, so wonderful and spectacular and magnificent, but he is. He always will be.
There's that one poem that you hold close to your heart. Sometimes, when you retrace the words in your mind, you think it must have been written for you and him. "We deserve a soft epilogue, my love," it reads. "We are good people and we've suffered enough."
You aren't sure if you're a good person, but as he kisses you with so much love that must rival any other love in all of history, you think you do deserve a soft epilogue.
Your mother often says that good things should be repeated three times.
You and him.
You and him.
You and him.
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How do you hold the sun?
You hold him with your fingers intertwined with his, a soft smile on your face, and dozens of polaroids scattered across the floor.
"Just one more," Jungkook says, reaching for the purple Instax again.
"Stop!" you laugh, lightly pushing him away when he tries to point the lens in your direction. "You've said that twenty times in the last two hours."
This is a new hobby that he's taken up. Ever since Hoseok gifted him the damn camera, it's all that Jungkook has been doing. To say that he was obsessed would probably be an understatement. He snaps photos of everything and nothing, of his meals whenever you draw a heart on his plate with the mayonnaise, of the crescent moon outside the window at night, of himself as he makes silly faces at the camera.
But most of all, he takes photos of you.
He keeps so many of them in his wallet that the stack of polaroids dedicated to you is thicker than all of his cash, which is to say that there's a lot. He keeps one in the pocket of every coat, because he said every time he reaches inside for warmth and finds a piece of you there, it makes him smile and forget that he's even cold at all. You'd nearly melted when he told you that. It was so earnest and pure that it almost made you feel guilty for ever thinking there'd come a day where the adoration he had for you could fill anything less than the sky.
"Please?" Jungkook pouts, before pulling you closer and kissing your cheek sweetly. "I need just one more for my new coat."
At this point, it's not a matter of having enough polaroids for his coats anymore. It's a matter of having enough coats for his polaroids.
You roll your eyes with playful endearment, but you allow him regardless. It shoots pure serotonin through your veins when he grins. He lets go of your hands to hold the camera, immortalizing the grin that you mimic, a contented sigh leaving him as he takes the shot. He tells you he loves you afterward, like it's such a privilege to be able to have you at all.
No one ever warns you that when the sun holds you back, your heart will feel so full that it might just stop beating altogether.
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How do you hold the sun?
You hold him with your face tucked safely in the crook of his neck, his arm around your body, rubbing odd patterns on your bare back.
You're both calming down from the hour-long session of twisting around in the sheets on a lazy Sunday morning, your only witness being the sunlight that creeps in through the slit between your curtains. Jungkook hums a tune that you're unfamiliar with, and the soft vibration of his chest almost lulls you to sleep again.
"What song is that?" you mumble, your eyes fluttering close.
"Your song."
"Hmm?" You don't quite register what his answer, you already have one foot in dreamland already. "My song?"
"Wrote it for you."
And suddenly, just like that, you're wide awake.
He presses an absentminded kiss against your hair, like this is all just common information.
"Huh?" You push yourself up to prop your upper body on one elbow, looking down at him with a slight frown. "You wrote a song for me?"
"Yeah," he chuckles at your reaction. His other hand that isn't touching your back comes up to brush your hair away from your face, tucking it delicately behind your ear. If you weren't too focused on a different issue, you would blush, even though this is something he's done a million times. "I wrote a song for you."
"Be serious."
"I am serious."
"How?" you ask, unbelieving. "When? Why?"
"What do you mean how? It's literally my job," he laughs, pulling you flush against his body again. "Why? Because I love you. When? I started writing it after we first met."
"Jungkook," you breathe, full of teary-eyed affection as you press a kiss to his jawline, his neck, the top of his shoulder, anywhere you can reach while he's embracing you this tightly.
You repeat his name three times, then three more, then three more, until you're a broken record and he has to shush you with a kiss, one that makes your knees buckle even though you're already lying in bed.
If the world wanted to take him away from you again, you really wouldn't be able to survive. So you hold him desperately, thinking that you never want to let him go. Praying that the world will let you keep him this time.
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How do you hold the sun?
You hold him with all your might, even though you're blinded by how bright he shines. Even though he's the source of all life, and you're just a flickering light that can be snuffed out at any moment.
You're always the first person that he looks for. He runs to you at full speed, picks you up with his arms around your waist and spins you around despite your flushed cheeks indicating embarrassment as everyone - the staff and his members included - chuckles fondly at the sight. You can still hear the crowd out there chanting their names, still buzzing with postshow excitement. Jungkook is buzzing too, that much is clear.
You know he misses this - the stage, the fans, the bond he shares with all the people that adore him. It's in his eyes, the way they sparkle so brilliantly that could put stars to shame. If you were any good with words, you would write whole novels about the light in his eyes.
He presses you against the wall while everybody else carries on with their business. You suppose they're used to this from the two of you. The staff hurries to clear the set, moving equipment from backstage to the vans outside so they could finally wrap up an exhausting day. The boys shuffle wordlessly to their dressing rooms to wind down, to bask in the high that only the stage could bring them.
Jungkook peppers kisses all over your face, his nose bumping your skin as he moves from your forehead to your cheek, the bridge of your nose, to your jawline, to your chin, to your lips. You giggle quietly as you let him shower you with affection, the palpable love seeping through every kiss.
That is, until he says something that makes you stop breathing completely.
"Marry me."
You stare at him, dumbfounded, as you try to make your brain work again. His chocolate orbs stare back at you, and it feels like looking at the night sky on a cloudless night to find the entire galaxy twinkling, smiling down at you. It's unfathomable how you could be loved by someone like him.
"Marry me. Please, marry me." he says again, his fingers caressing your face like you're the most precious being he's ever seen. Before you can open your mouth to answer him, he continues, "This isn't adrenaline. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
You know you're nothing compared to him who lies in the center of the universe. You will never be able to shine as brightly as he does, not even a fraction.
You know you're nothing compared to him, and yet, he revolves around you regardless. To the rest of the world, you're insignificant. You're merely a soul among billions of others. If you were to disappear one day, you don't think a lot of people would care.
But to him, you're everything. You're the reason he exists, you're his favorite person in the whole wide world, you're the only one who will ever have his heart, you're his soft epilogue. He doesn't dim his light for you, and he should never have to. Instead, he lifts you up. He makes you shine too, even if it's only the two of you who see it. It's only you and him, but it's more than enough. It's the only thing that matters.
So, the question remains: How do you hold the sun?
The answer, in the end, is simple.
You hold him with love.
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all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 25.06.23]
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seat-safety-switch · 1 year
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Everyone knows me at the dump. I don’t mean this in a bragging sort of way. In fact, I hate this fact. The reason why everyone knows me at the dump is that Mr. Jones, the dump operator, has posted the CCTV footage and blurry cell-phone camera pictures of my face on the break room wall. Even the youngest probie at the dump will look at me, every morning, while they wait for the coffee machine to dispense their mandatory cup of black joy.
You can probably guess why this has happened to me. I love junk, and the dump has a lot of that junk. To me, it is offensive that the dump hoards that junk. They keep it from me, using excuses like “sanitation” and “safety,” but safety is my middle name. If they would just give me a chance, then I would be the best they’ve ever seen. I’d even remove and sort the little lithium-ion vape batteries that haven’t exploded yet, out of gratitude.
Of course, we both know why I’m digging through trash at the dump. I don’t want old Betamax VCRs, or mouldy cardboard boxes heralding products from a bygone era. Well, I do, but I don’t want them more than I want a two-stroke dirt bike, and I’ve seen tons of those over the years get callously tossed into the debris pile by the great unwashed. They’re always getting thrown out for little reasons, like “carb jet plugged,” or “caught on fire,” or “couldn’t get anyone to buy it on Craigslist for septuple the market value so I threw it away out of spite.” I could save these bikes, and to be not allowed to save them is literal torture.
Just like anyone else would in my shoes, I started wearing elaborate disguises to the dump. Sometimes I could loot one, and throw it into the back of my car, and be gone before the dump operators (there weren’t even security guards yet, back then) could catch up to me. I had enough disguises – and enough cars – that I could pull this off for a little while. Then, used cars got really expensive, and the folks in my neighbourhood started using security fasteners to hold on their license plates. I started to escape by tighter and tighter scrapes, until one fateful day.
That bastard Jones figured me out. He came from Chicago, of all places, a city which I’m pretty sure doesn’t even have a dump. And he knew my kind. He set a trap: an agonizingly pristine, 1989 Yamaha XT225. Sure, it was a four-stroke, but it was still love at first sight. It was planted right on top of one of the big piles of disposable diapers, visible even from the highway. Even knowing it was a trap, I made plans for months to grab it.
The joke’s on him, though. I’ve started my own private dump, and I’ve paid the government to start outsourcing dump operations to me. We’re an extremely efficient operation, much more affordable for the taxpayer than the wasteful public dump. How so, you ask? Well, we are much more selective with what waste we accept, and we wrote one helluva contract, which had a bunch of big words that confused the gin-addled politicos that signed it out of desperation to meet their “lower taxes” pledge.
Here’s how it works. We charge the city hundreds of thousands of dollars a month, and we get first pick of any internal combustion engines that are in the back of the garbage trucks. Everything else goes down the road to the regular dump. We’re making a fortune. If we keep putting out numbers like this, I’m sure there will soon be layoffs over at Jones’ shithole. Hell, maybe I’ll even hire him to manage security around these parts. Can’t have anyone walking off with my good trash.
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