#bill pino

[the-rockit]

Pino x Bailey mini comic!!

ocs yes.

[cupidsredcollar]

P's the type of guy to. . . (part 2) - - -

Walk around unaware of the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

Drink milk and get a moustache from it. (even worse: lactose intolerance).

Sneeze and it either be strangely quiet or insanely loud, no in-between.

Have an eclectic rock and sea shell collection. Don’t touch them or he will get nervous.

Be nosy. He can’t help it, he wants to know the tea.

Poke you to get your attention.

Not be able to grow facial hair.

Be unable to restrain ‘cuteness aggression’ upon the sight of a cat.

Drain the hot water tank with how long his showers take. R.I.P the water bills. Take everything too literally.

Want to bake treats with you, but ends up getting in the way since he’s got no idea what he’s doing.

Pout and say he dislikes his freckles so you’ll kiss his face to convince him otherwise.

Say something he didn’t realize was funny and be surprised when people laugh.

Tell you to drink water when you’re dizzy.

Have the blankets stolen from him while he’s sleeping.

Occasionally forget to blink or breathe.

Rarely voice his opinions, if anything, all he does is raise an eyebrow or sigh.

Eat you out (of house and home), he’s hungry, always.

Steal food from your plate, but he’s not secretive about it. This has caused many fork battles between you both. Brush his teeth after every meal. (Gepetto scared him into it as a kid, and he’s still freaked out over it as an adult).

Think ligma was real.

Almost burn the house down while ‘cooking’. (he was making cereal).

Need Spring snuggled up to him in his bed, he will not sleep without her. Have a really soft voice, it’s a little unexpected, but obviously nice to listen to when he does speak. Lend himself as the little spoon a lot of the time. Either that, or he’s laying right on top of you.

Get set on fire while standing too close to the fireplace. (Pino-tisserie).

Shyly read to you. 

Allow you to put stickers on his legion arm. He’s confused, but likes the attention.

Read the entire english dictionary. That was also the day he learned english spellings can be rather stupid.

Say smart-ass comments under his breath.

Challenge you at every opportunity, he thinks it’s fun.

Have numerous speeding tickets. He doesn’t know the law, just the gas pedal.

Let you straighten his hair once out of curiosity and quickly discovered he should have stayed curious.

[new-dinosaurs]

Gonkoken nanoi Alarcón-Muñoz et al., 2023 (new genus and species)

(Select bones and schematic skeletal of Gonkoken nanoi [scale bars = 50 mm for B–G, J, K–N, Q, S, and V–X, and 100 mm for H, I, O, P, R, T, and U], with preserved bones in white, from Alarcón-Muñoz et al., 2023)

Meaning of name: Gonkoken = duck/swan-like [in Tehuelche]; nanoi = for Mario “Nano” Ulloa [discoverer of dinosaur bones at the site where the original fossils were found]

Age: Late Cretaceous (Maastrichtian), between 70.5–71.7 million years ago

Where found: Dorotea Formation, Magallanes, Chile

How much is known: Numerous bones including parts of the skull, limbs, hips, and vertebral column. It is unknown whether any of these bones belonged to the same individuals, though at least three individuals are represented.

Notes: Gonkoken was a hadrosauroid, closely related to but not a member of the “core group” of duck-billed dinosaurs (hadrosaurids). All other hadrosauroids previously named from South America were true hadrosaurids. In fact, prior to the discovery of Gonkoken, non-hadrosaurid hadrosauroids near the end of the Cretaceous were not known from the Americas.

However, reexamination of supposed hadrosaurid fossils from Southern Patagonia and Antarctica suggests that these may also be remains of non-hadrosaurid hadrosauroids. It might have been that hadrosaurids (which probably originated in the Northern Hemisphere) never made it to the southern reaches of South America prior to the end-Cretaceous mass extinction, allowing other types of hadrosauroids to persist there in the absence of competition.

Reference: Alarcón-Muñoz, J., A.O. Vargas, H.P. Püschel, S. Soto-Acuña, L. Manríquez, M. Leppe, J. Kaluza, V. Milla, C.S. Gutstein, J. Palma-Liberona, W. Stinnesbeck, E. Frey, J.P. Pino, D. Bajor, E. Núñez, H. Ortiz, D. Rubilar-Rogers, and P. Cruzado-Caballero. 2023. Relict duck-billed dinosaurs survived into the last age of the dinosaurs in subantarctic Chile. Science Advances 9: eadg2456. doi: 10.1126/sciadv.adg2456

[hauntedstarlighttiger]

Mi Amor por ti (Jim Lake Jr y Male reader)

Narradora 

-Ya vamos a llegar Jack-Dijo un chico peli-rubio de ojos color miel 17.

-No aun no hemos llegado-Hablo un chico peli-café de ojos marrones de 19-

-Pueden guardar silencio niños ya casi llegamos ¿si?-Mientras conducía una señora de cabello corto color marrón y ojos verdes-Zack ¿qué estas haciendo?

-Esta leyendo su tonto diario-Comento el peli-rubio-Eres raro hermano.

-Guarda silencio Bill y si estoy leyendo-Dijo un chico de 16 años de cabello café, ojos café oscuro con una gorra azul y un diario rojo con una mano de 6 dedos y con el numero 1.

-Ya no se peleen pequeños-Viendo a sus dos hermanos menores mientras escribía en su diario-

-¡Miren niños! ya llegamos-Señalando el cartel de que estaban entrando a Arcadia Oask

-Bueno ahora podemos empezar desde cero sin cosas extrañas, ni sobrenaturales se los prometo chicos-

Los tres chicos solo voltearon las cabezas a diferentes direcciones y se quedaron callados no le iban a decir a su Tía que ellos ya eran felices allí no claro que no ella estaba tan contenta de empezar de nuevo 

-Cath suspiro al ver que sus sobrinos no les contestaron y suspiro-Entiendad esto es lo mejor para todos Gravity Falls era muy peligroso chicos.

-Si Tía Cath-Contestaron los tres chicos con unas sonrisas algo tristes

 -Pero tendrán nuevos amigos, conocerán lugares nuevos no les parece emocionante-Dijo alegremente-

Narra Zack

 Se que la Tía Cath piensa que es lo mejor para todos pero no lo es dejamos a nuestros amigos, a nuestros misterios solo por que era diferente extraño el bosque, el pueblo, la cabaña del misterio y se que mis hermanos igual pero no queremos lastimarla.

-Miren chicos este sera nuestra nueva casa-Dijo la Tía mientras estacionaba el coche

 -¡Yo me quedo con la más grande!-Comento mi hermano Bill-

-Eso si que no enano-Aclaro Jack con burla y diversión.

-Vamos Zack-Viéndome a mi a lo que yo solo sonreí y baje mi libro

-Veras que todo sera mejor aquí.

-Si Tía Cath-Sonreí a lo que entre a la casa y vi como mis hermanos ya estaban acostados en sus camas relajados-Oigan vayan a bajar sus cosas y ayuden a la Tía Cath flojos.

-Mira quien habla pino-Dijo mi hermano Bill con diversión

-Ya no lo moleste Bill vamos-Aclaro con una sonrisa divertida y se voltio a verme-Al fondo esta tu habitación pino ve luego nos vienes a ayudar.

-Yo solo sonreí fui a ver mi habitación era grande y había una venta-Genial

Narra Bill

-Jack lo sientes ¿verdad?-Dije serio con una pizca de burla mientras entrabamos a mi habitación.

-Es igual que Gravity Falls eso quiere decir...-Yo solo asentí con una sonrisa burlona-

-Este sera el principio de nuestras aventuras hermano-A lo que Jack solo asintió-Hay que decirle a pino ¿no?

-El no es como nosotros Bill el es un humano el debe vivir su vida normal como cualquier ser humano-Negué con la cabeza.

-El no es como cualquier humano Jack el es especial- Aclare mientras mis ojos se volvieron amarillos.

-Lo se pero tratemos de darle una adolescencia normal-Yo solo asentí mientras suspiraba mi hermano iba a irse hasta que comente una ultima cosa

-Veras que el solo se dará cuenta no es para nada tonto...- Dije mientras cerraba los ojos-

-Pues lo evitaremos a toda cosas-Comento serio.

Narra Jack

Le prometimos a la Tía Cath que no lo volveríamos a meter en nada sobrenatural como en Gravity Falls no otra vez...

-¡Jack ven aquí por favor!-Grito mi Tía Cath desde la planta baja de la casa.

-Baje de mi habitación luego de arreglar un poco mi habitación-Tía Cath ¿donde estas?

-¡Aquí cariño!-Dijo alegremente en la cocina-Ven ayúdame a poner la mesa y llama a tus hermanos.

-Sí Tía Cath-Puse la mesa pero no podía dejar de pensar en lo que dijo mi hermano-Ya termine Tía Cath voy por  mis hermanos.

Llame a mis hermanos cuando estábamos a punto de comer tocaron la puerta

-Yo abro-Comento mi hermano el más chico de nosotros.

Narra Zack

Estaba distraído leyendo mi diario hasta que mi hermano mayor nos llamo para comer pero habían tocado la puerta

-Yo abro-Cuando abrí la puerta vi a una señora de unos 25 o 26 años de ojos azules y cabello rojo y luego vi a un chico como de mi edad de cabello negro y azules como el océano.

-Hola-Dijo mi Tía Cath al ver que estaba tardando.

-Hola disculpe la molestia solo queríamos pasar a saludar y darles la bienvenida a Arcadia Oask-Comento la señora con un pastel de carne en sus manos-

-Mucho gusto soy Cath Robinso-Agarrando su mano y estrechándolas.-Mucho gusto me llamo Barbara Lake y el es mi hijo Jim Lake-Sonrió mientras presentaba a su hijo.

-Muchachos vengan-Dijo llamando a mis hermanos-El es Jack, El es Bill y este de aquí es Zack.

-Hola-saludaron mis hermanos y yo apenas y pude saludar.

-Muchas gracias gracias son muy dulces-Agarro el pastel de carne y sonrío.

-Bueno nos retirarnos que tenga bonita tarde-Dijo mi Tía Cath a lo que cerro la puerta-Pero que amables son por aquí

Luego de comer y que nuestra Tía nos comentara que dentro de un mes empezaríamos la escuela a lo que todos sonreímos

-Bueno a dormir chicos-Sonrío viéndonos-Descansen chicos.

-Descansa Tía Cath-Mientras subíamos a nuestras habitaciones-

-Descansa Pino y descansa Amargado-Sonrío con burla al comentar nuestros apodos.

-Descansa Dorito y descansa Pino-Dijo acariciando nuestras cabezas con ternura

-Adiós buenas noches hermanos-Comente al entrar a mi habitación y quitarme mi gorra-Sera que aquí abra misterios como en Gravity Falls-

Abrí mi diario para leer pero me encontré con una carta. 

¡Hola Zack! se que estarás leyendo esto y solo quiero decirte que te extrañaremos mucho aquí en Gravity Falls espero que encuentres más misterios                                                                            ATTE:Tío Ford                                                                                     Hola niño soy yo Wendy espero que disfrutes de allá sabes que te extrañaremos aquí igual que a Bill y Jack

Hola Soy  yo Pacifica oye solo queria decirte que no olvides de donde eres amigo... te extrañaremos mucho                                                                                                                                                                     Hola Soy yo el Tío Stan solo queria decirte que espero que te gustaran sus regalos a los tres no olviden que los queremos mocosos

 Y así había más y más notas sonreí al leer todo esto 

-Espero que esta sea el principio de nuevas aventuras-Susurre al caer por el cansancio del viaje, de acomodar mi cuarto de empezar de nuevo... 

[blueberrybladelemonade]

Carnival Daze

You and Peppino go to the carnival that's in town! Fluff and fun ensues.

Contains: Not the most "fair" way to win a game, Fluff, Toy gun use, Eating overpriced and unhealthy snacks

A cacophony of sounds filled your ears as you drew nearer to your destination. Various people could be heard laughing and chatting. In the distance you could hear screaming. 

A buttery and sweet aroma surrounded and hung in the air as you waited in line. You feel your arm being tugged -pulling you out of your daze- as Peppino motioned you forward. You offer a small smile to the woman running the booth and pull out a sizable stack of bills to trade for tickets. 

"Are we really-a going to use all of those?" Peppino quirks an eyebrow at you as you both make your way into the carnival. You shrug, "Probably. You know how overpriced these places are".

"Mio dio Y/N, you still didn't need to spend that much though".

You weave your fingers with his as you walk. "Oh stop worrying Pino, we're here to have fun". Your eyes dart over to a stand filled with kettle corn. "And eat." You add on, already walking towards the stall. 

You hand the bag of kettle corn to Peppino, who immediately tears into the bag, as you shove a ticket back into your pocket. You follow suit with your free hand. A perfect combination of salty and sweet filling your mouth. 

You wander aimlessly at first, deciding to stop if something catches your attention. You grimace as more shrieking fills your ears, albeit much louder. As your eyes dart about your surroundings you notice the tall tower to your right. 

You crane your neck to the top of the ride, the people above seated and locked in place. Without warning the seats lurched, dropping at breakneck speed. Screams filled the air with the mad descent to the ground. Then there was silence as fast as it began. 

"Nope." Peppino utters and you sense him leave your side. As you glance over you see his back to you, hurrying off and away from the drop tower. 

"Hey Pepp-"

"Nope!" He cuts you off, not even casting a glance back. You chuckle to yourself, rushing to catch up with him. You huff, "What? You don't like feeling like you're going hit the ground and turn into paste"? 

"I'ma fragile old-a man. Do you want-a me to break"? 

You gasp and poke at Peppino, before you can argue further you hear a bell. Peppino huffs in protest as you suddenly yank him along, again. As you stop in front of the booth, he tilts his head up to read the text. 

Strength test.

"You should be good at this one!" You point to the hammer, gesturing Peppino to grab it. 

"These are rigged, you know-a that, right?" Regardless he picks it up. You watch as the ball shoots half of the way upwards, Peppino gives you a smug grin.  

"Fragile and old, huh?" You tease as he sets down the hammer. Instead of leaving, an idea forms in your head, turning back to the stall.

 "Bet I can hit the bell." you grin.

Peppino scoffs at you, "If you can do that-a you can have free pizza for a month".

"With a drink"? 

"Sure. With a drink." He nods, stepping to the side to give you space. 

As you take the hammer from him, you shoot Peppino a smile, and step up to the machine. "Deal"!

You close your eyes and draw in a slow, steadying breath. In an instant your eyes snap open and you spring upwards. A sharp ding echos within the stall as your hammer taps the bell.

"Beat ya!" You cheer to yourself and clap your hands together 

Peppino's eyelids drooped, shooting you a dubious stare. "Mio dios Y/N, you cheat".

"Hey, brains over brawn!" You retort, setting the hammer down and clapping a hand onto Peppino's shoulder. 

You jump as a voice pops from behind the stall and strides out. "Congratulations! Are you our outstandingly strong man that hit the bell"? 

Before Peppino could open his mouth to reply you let out a short cheer and nodded enthusiastically. "He sure is"!

"Wonderful! Sir if you'll come with me to pick your prize"! 

Peppino snatches your wrist, dragging you with him. As you duck into the small tent a selection of various prizes line the wall with the top row indicating the grand prizes.

With a sweep of his hand, the stall owner waits for Peppino to pick. He turns to you, "What would you like cara?"

You hum thoughtfully before your eyes settle on a green and white bunny. "That one!" You point to the stuffed toy, Peppino nods at the man whom returns his nod and reaches for the toy. 

You smile as Peppino hands it to you, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you". 

As you exit the tent you bump him with your hip. "I'll be sure to stop by every day for my free pizza"! You wink, linking your arm with his as you lead him to a new destination. Peppino grumbles something unintelligible and rolls his eyes. 

You didn't intend to hold Peppino to his deal. In fact, if he even tried to say that your pizza was free you were simply going to dump more money into his tip jar. 

When he wasn't looking anyways. 

Before you started sneaking money into the tip jar, Peppino would catch and snap at you to not do that. You just did it when he wasn't watching now. 

You catch a whiff of something indistinct, as if it's blended with others. As you note the small clearing filled with a few food stalls and benches, something savory peppered the air. A gust of wind made the flags and tents flap overhead. The smell grew stronger as you approached the furthest station. Your eyes locked onto the crispy mass being pulled from a fryer, mouth watering at the sight. As you come to a halt you turn to Peppino, "I need an onion blossom." You pause in thought, watching another mass get dunked into the grease. "Make that two". 

Peppino laughs and follows you close behind as you make a beeline to the stall. "Two onion blossoms!" You hand over the tickets and in another moment receive your snack. 

As Peppino takes one of the plates you let out a hum and opt for the closest bench. You plop down, Peppino following suit across from you. The fried mass shone in a thin sheet of oil. You grab a napkin and set it next to you before plucking a particularly juicy petal. As you pop the piece into your mouth the flavors explode your senses. With a crisp crunch, a blend of spice and pepper dance along your tongue. Peppino slowly picks at his, watching as you devour the blossom, alternating between dipping pieces in the sauce and without. 

By the time you had demolished yours, half of Peppino's still remained. His gaze met yours and smiled, pushing his plate to you. Without hesitation you grab a piece, thanking him through another bite. Peppino rests his head in his hand as he watches you with a dreamy expression. 

* * * * * 

"Of course I can, I know how to use a gun." Peppino replies, aiming at the target.

You flinch with each pop of the toy gun, the "ammo" bouncing from the bottles and into your face. The gun clicked but nothing came out. Not a single bottle had toppled over. Peppino blinked and slowly turned to you with a sheepish grin. He pursed his lips and extended his hand to your face. Peppino's thumb gently brushing at the small red spots that had formed. A small chuckle escapes your lips and you shake your head. 

"Masterful play, my liege".

Peppino squints at you, "Let'sa see you do it then". It's not like you'd be able to cheat your way through this one. 

Your only response is a grin. Peppino watches with a raised eyebrow as you hand over more tickets and return with another gun. 

A loud clink is heard, followed by another before the glass bottles topple over. You smile brightly at Peppino as his mouth hung open. "You gotta know where to hit them, like right..." Another pop followed by more glassware falling, "There"!

"Wanna try again"?

"Sure amore". Peppino rubbed the back of his neck, watching as you pick out a prize. The bottles were stacked again and he took the gun you handed him. Peppino took in a breath and steadied his hand, taking aim where you had hit previously. 

You clap as the bottles fall over. "See? Nice"! 

As Peppino returns he hands you the prize he picked out. You open the bag you had been carrying and set the keychain inside. You look up to the sky. Vibrant blue and pink hues were peaking through the clouds. At night the entire carnival would shine with neon lights below and the sunset from up there would be a marvelous view. 

"Lets go into that fun house." You nod over into the distance. "By the time we're done there, it should be dark enough to get on the ferris wheel".

You return the remaining tickets to your bag, just enough were left. As you enter into a dimly lit room you stretch out a hand to touch the wall. The dark narrow hallway had you fumbling as you round another corner. You heard Peppino sigh faintly from behind as he followed the sound of your steps. As you make your way through a door and duck down you rub your eyes at the bright light. 

"Pep...pino?" You turn around, only to be met by your own reflection. Shit. He turned down a different path. 

"Y/N?" You hear his voice nearby. "Stay there! Just let me follow your voice". You bump into another reflection that looked like a hallway.

"Oh thank fuck." You sigh in relief. "Here, let me hold your han- oh. That’s a mirror." You pat along the wall feeling for an empty gap.

"Where's the real you?!" A gasp escapes your lips as you bump directly into Peppino. "Oh there you are". 

As you both make your way out of the fun house dozens of bright lights had turned on, illuminating the park. It was as if it had transformed into a different place altogether. In the horizon the ferris wheel flashed in pink, yellows, and blues. 

Halfway towards your destination a large drop of water hit your face. Then subsequently a dozen more. 

The rain all starts to come down at once, causing you both to retreat into the nearest tent. Peppino's eyes meet yours, water beading and dropping from his face. He gives you an apologetic look as you look back outside. Ah shit. Well, there goes your plans. You let out a disappointed sigh, feeling Peppino tug you closer to his side. As you turn back to him you give a small smile. His face had slightly flushed with the sudden chill. At least you got to spend the entire day with him and had fun. There was always next time. 

You reach your hand into your bag, popping a piece of leftover kettle corn into your mouth. As you chew, you make a face. It was no longer crisp and the flavor was just a little too sweet. 

"Do you still have those tickets?" Peppino asks. You nod, pulling them out. "Yeah"?

"Wait here". Peppino takes them from you and you watch as he disappears through the huddled crowd of people. As you wait you rummage through your prizes. You look through your small hoard; three stuffed animals, a coaster with a red and black creature holding a teacup, a keychain with what looked like various pizza toppings, and another keychain of a dinosaur with a large sail on it's back. Amongst a countless knick knacks and treats. 

"Here, amore." As you look up you're greeted with a candy apple. You thank him and take the sweet. Before you can take a bite, Peppino ducked down, placing a kiss to your lips. You smile against him and sigh as he pulls away.

"When you're finished with that..." Peppino looks out towards the rain, showing no signs of slowing. "How soaked do you think we'll get by the time we get to the car"?

[phantomdoofer]

Chapter 16: Notte fredda

Trigger warning for violence.

Gustavo shivered. Even with the pizzeria's heat at full blast, the intense cold outside still blew in every time a door opened. In all his years, he'd never seen anything like it. He finally gave up and walked to the break room to get his coat. Poor Fake was stuck downstairs most of the time, afraid of freezing up. They and the Toppins were huddled around a space heater, bundled in blankets. Brando and Peppino came in shivering every day - riding a scooter in this cold was a penance. Even Brick, thick as her fur was, was wearing extra clothing.

What was worse was the chill mist that rolled in off the sea every night - and sometimes during the day. It slowly coated everything in ice. They took turns going out and breaking the ice off everything. Business was still steady, and the customers were loathe to leave. Every business was essentially a shelter right now. Peppino, in a fit of foresight, had ordered a shipment of hot packs, and they were selling as well as the pizzas.

Gustavo huddled in front of the pizza ovens. If this doesn't break soon, I don't know what people are doing to do...

~~~~

Peppino huddled at the counter. He hadn't even bothered taking off his coat. Mio Dio, what is going on with this weather? He'd thought about telling Brando to stay home until it warmed up, but the boy had insisted. Got to admire his conviction, but... this is torturous! The boy wandered among the customers, asking if everything was fine, smiling and reassuring them. He'd taken well to helping people, and Peppino was pleased with his attitude. He'll be a fine proprietor one day. Of course, Peppino knew that all the moving around was keeping the boy warm, too.

Peppino rubbed his hands together. He'd understand if he was keeping the heat turned down, like he had during leaner times, but it was full blast. Apparently everyone was having the same problem - the heat just didn't seem to cut through the cold entirely. It's uncanny. The government had even declared a national emergency, shipping heaters and other supplies to the area. Power companies were reinforcing the power grid, trying to stay ahead of the demand. Allowances were being applied to electrical bills.

Brando walked up to the counter. "Three more orders, signore," he said. Peppino sighed inwardly. While he'd made great strides in relaxing, Brando still insisted on calling him "sir." You are actually his teacher, Pino, he reminded himself, he's right to do so.

Peppino just couldn't shake feeling like he didn't deserve it.

Peppino memorized the orders, nodded, and stepped back to give them to Gus. The little gnome was practically dancing in front of the ovens, trying to keep warm. "Gus, go-a downstairs with Fake for a while. It's-a warm down there. I can handle-a this, Brando can handle the dining room."

Gus looked at him, a mixture of gratitude and stubbornness on his face, but he nodded and went downstairs. Peppino removed his gloves, gathering materials to start prepping the orders. I don't know how much longer people can stand this. We're not built for it.

~~~~

That night, as Peppino wiped down the counter, he tried not to shiver at the cold water's touch. He'd sent Brando and Gus home. No reason for them to suffer any more.

His phone rang. Giuseppe's ringtone? He picked up quickly. "Pronto?"

"Pino, I just got a message from... an old friend." The tension in Giuseppe's voice was palpable. "They said something's started appearing outside at night, in this mist. Are you still at the pizzeria?"

Peppino twitched. "Uh, sì. I'm-a just closing up. Did-a they say what?"

"No, they didn't. They didn't have much, but..." Giuseppe paused. "This person... They wouldn't have contacted me if it wasn't serious. Whatever it is, it's dangerous. I'm calling the police after you. I'd be willing to bet it's something to do with Pizzahead."

Peppino broke out in a sweat. What the hell is that damn pizza up to now? "Thank you, fratello. I'll keep-a my eyes open. Be careful yourself. Being-a who you are, if Pizzahead is back, he might-a come after you, too."

"Oh, don't I know it." Peppino could imagine the grim smirk on his brother's face. "He'll have as much trouble out of me as he did with you. Just... be careful. Ciao."

"Ciao." As Peppino close the call, he realized just how disturbed he was. Giuseppe has almost literally been to hell and back. The concern in his voice had been deep. And who was this mysterious contact?

He shook his head. It doesn't matter. I should tell Fake. Locking the front door, he walked into the basement. Fake was standing in the middle, a look of deep consternation on his warped features - the Toppins were all running around, wildly agitated. How in the hell did I miss this? "Ay! AY, CONDIMENTI! STAI ZITTO!"

All of them stopped and looked at him. He'd never seen them look so... angry. "Cosa c'è che non va, condimenti?"

Mushroom immediately jumped onto Peppino's shoulder, chittering wildly. It climbed up on top of his hat, hopping up and down. Pineapple looked up, dropping its sunglasses. "Bad! Bad coming! We feel it!"

Peppino shivered. "How do you know that?"

Cheese spun in a circle. "We feel it! Don't know how! Bad! BIG bad coming! Worse than Pizzahead!"

Peppino and Fake looked at each other in shock. "Worse than Pizzahead?" Peppino mouthed.

Fake shook their head. "They just suddenly started up a few minutes ago. We don't know why. But something tells us we should trust them on this."

Peppino shivered, this time with a chill in the soul. Two warnings, from two different directions. Something's very wrong.

Someone knocked on the door upstairs.

"Wha... who would be out in this cold, this late?" Peppino quickly hopped up the stairs, and jogged into the dining room.

Vigilante was outside, looking stern and beating on the door.

"Mio Dio, Vigi," he said as he unlocked the door, "what are you doing out in this desolazione?"

The sheriff seemed even more surly than usual. "Need you to come with me, Peppino. Something important's going on."

"Sì, sì, sceriffo, I have heard something is wrong. Let me just... close up..."

The cheeseslime seemed antsy as Peppino closed down. "Hurry up, Peppino!"

"I am hurrying!" Peppino said testily, his temper rising. "I'm-a not just going to leave-a my shop standing open, even for you!" Something was setting off alarm bells in his head, but he wasn't sure what. He ushered Vigilante out and turned to lock the door.

"Wait." Peppino stopped and turned to the cheeseslime. "Vigi, where's your coat?"

Vigilante huffed. "We don't have time for that, this is important."

"More important than-a the fact cheeseslimes freeze faster than humans?" Peppino countered. "You should-a be a cheesesicle by now in this. And where's-a your accent gone?" He poked the cheeseslime. "OK, stronzo, who are you?"

Suddenly Peppino heard a horrible noise behind him. Fake and the Toppins were standing in the doorway. The Toppins were all shrieking, and Fake was hissing as they assumed their combat form.

Shocked, Peppino turned back around.

The thing who he'd thought was Vigilante was growing, deforming, the hat falling away. The air filled with a smell worse than the foulest limburghese. One eye sank in. More arms sprouted. The creature made a sickening gurgle. It was larger even than Fake now, and the clone was hissing defiance but clearly terrified. Its skin developed moldy blotches all over, and it seemed to bubble and churn inside.

Peppino froze in terror.

Suddenly, across the road, Peppino heard the whump of a large munition being launched. "DOWN!" Peppino shrieked as he dove to the ground. Fake hunkered down, shielding the Toppins.

The monster exploded, stinking cheese flying everywhere.

Across the street, the real Vigilante stood, swaddled in clothes, his bazooka smoking on his shoulder. "PEPPINO! GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!"

Before anyone could move, the mass of cheese sprouted tentacles, roaring like a mad beast. It swiped at Peppino, but his fear had already activated his speed - he darted away, quickly shoving Fake and the Toppins back inside. He rushed back out.

Several of the tentacles had grabbed Vigi, and as Peppino watched in horror, one grabbed the cheeseslime's arm and casually ripped it off.

"VIGI!" Peppino cried out. Suddenly fear turned to rage. He leapt upward, daring gravity to stop him, grabbed the mass of tentacles, and wrenched them off.

Peppino rushed over and grabbed Vigi, taking him inside. The sheriff was moaning in pain. Peppino tossed Fake his phone. "Call the police! Tell them what's going on!"

The slime monster squealed. Several more tentacles lashed at him, but he was far too fast for it now. He pummeled it from every direction, slashing bits of it off with chops and slashes of his hands and fingers. Every time a tentacle flailed his way, he either dodged it or ripped it off. It flung some of its stinking body at him, but Peppino simply ducked aside. Within seconds the creature was a pile of quivering, gooey bits.

Struggling to shrink down to their normal form, they growled assent.

Peppino rushed back outside. The bits were quivering their way back together. It's reforming! What IS this thing?? He frantically searched his memory for cheeseslime weaknesses. Cold and... fire! He rushed back inside, charged downstairs, found a canister of flammable cleaner, grabbed his firestarter, and ran back.

The thing was almost back together. He could see its single eye already glaring bloody murder at him.

Peppino opened the canister and lit his firestarter. "BRUCIARE!" He chucked both at the thing, and instantly it burst into flame.

The shrieking was awful, the smell even worse. The creature frantically flailed around, even hopping into the air in a desperate attempt to crush him, but Peppino dashed away. The impact shook the whole area, cracking the pavement and creating a small crater. Peppino stumbled, and a flaming tentacle lashed his way. Catching it, Peppino tried not to shriek as his hand burned. Ripping the tentacle off, the burning cheese stuck to his hand, and he frantically scraped the gooey mess off on the concrete. Finally, the horrific thing shuddered, and slumped to the ground, dead.

Peppino clutched his scraped, burned hand and stared at the burning corpse. His adrenaline finally dropped enough for the fear to come back. "CHE CAZZO ERA QUELLO??"he shrieked. He looked around - he saw terrified faces in nearly every window. Several were holding phones, either recording the monster or calling someone. Hopefully the police. "Don't-a come out!! Call the police if-a you haven't already!"

Then Peppino remembered. "VIGI!" He spun and ran back inside. The cheeseslime was laying where he'd dropped him. "Oh Mio Dio," Peppino said as he kneeled beside him, "Vigi! Your arm-!"

Fake came back with a large block of cheese, and handed it to Vigilante, who swallowed it whole. He winced and laid back. "Long... as I... get... some cheese in... me... losin'... an arm shouldn't... kill me." He turned, one eye closed in pain, towards Peppino. "What... was that... thing?"

Peppino shook his head. "I don't-a know. It looked like-a you at first, then when I questioned it, it turned-a into...that. How did you know, Vigi?"

The cheeseslime closed his eyes. "One'a my people reported seeing me out and about, when they knew I wasn't. They called me... an' I followed a hunch."

Peppino heard sirens in the distance. Shortly, an ambulance and several police cars rolled up, and a medical team took the wounded sheriff.

The police, of course, had more to do.

As Peppino and Fake gave their statements, Peppino started examining the whole thing. "Some-a-how, the Toppins knew something was-a wrong, before-a that thing ever showed up." He turned to Cheese. "Can you feel anything else-a bad right now?"

Cheese turned from side to side, then hopped lightly. "Bad still around, but not here. Not close."

The officer nodded. "We're getting reports from La Crosta of more of these things turning up. Cheeseslimes, Verdurans... and a few Humans." The shook their head. "You were lucky, Mr. Spaghetti. There have been deaths reported."

Peppino went white. "Oh Mio Dio. How-a many?"

The officer frowned. "Thankfully, not many. Mainly people in shady areas they shouldn't have been. There's a general curfew in place now, but we'll make an exception for all of you for now. Excuse me, please."

As the officer stepped away, Peppino quickly grabbed his phone and dialed his mother. Please, please...

The phone picked up on the third ring. "Peppino? Your brother just called. What's going on? Something about deadly monsters in the streets?"

"Grazie il Dio, Mama, I'm-a so glad you're OK." He sighed, relaxing visibly. Hopefully that means Seppe is Ok, too. "Sì, Mama, let me explain..."

A few minutes later, Margherita spoke. "Madre di Dio, ragazzo, I hope your friend will be OK. And you are well? And your friends? And your pizzeria?"

"So far, Mama. Stay inside, of course. I'm-a sure the police are out in force now." He thought for a moment. "Didn't you tell me the other day a Toppin had taken to you?"

"Sì, a cute little salsiccia. It grumbles constantly, but tonight it seemed frantic. Now I know why. So, watch the Toppins, eh? Clever little condimenti. I know Mushroom stays with you, Peppino. Keep it close."

"Sì, Mama, I was thinking the same thing. Ciao." Just as Peppino hung up, he saw Giuseppe come in, clothes messy, his right arm in a sling. "Fratello, what happened?"

Giuseppe winced, but smiled and gave a thumbs-up. "One of those monsters happened. Scared the shit out me. Looked like a giant Pepperman. Caught me outside dumping my trash. Had me in a bear hug, pretty sure it cracked a bone in my arm. I managed to break free, then ran through it."

Peppino paused. "Through it?"

Giuseppe smiled. "Don't think I've accelerated that quick in decades. Blew a hole through it, then when it started to reform... well," he looked outside at the scorched pile, "it looks like we had the same idea after that. Called Mama, then came to check on you."

"We're -a OK, Seppe, but Vigi is in the hospital. That thing tore-a his arm off."

Giuseppe paled. "Santa Maria. Guess that was the ambulance I saw leaving."

Suddenly Sausage leapt up onto Giuseppe's left shoulder, grumbling loudly. "Well, why are you suddenly so forward?"

"Somehow the Toppins can-a sense these things, Seppe," Peppino said. "I think Sausage intends to go with you."

"Well, I won't say no to an early-warning system." He looked at Peppino. "I guess this is what my friend was hearing about. Or is this just the beginning?"

As the police turned to Giuseppe to take his statement, Peppino called Gustavo.

"No, Peppino, we didn't run into anything, but Brick seemed like she was worried about something. Wonder if she can do the same thing the Toppins can? Doesn't matter, really. We'll keep our eyes open. Hey, I'll call Brando and warn him, too. Since he's working with us he might get targeted, too. You guys be careful, eh? Ciao."

As Peppino hung up again, a large, dark truck pulled up outside, and several familiarly-attired people jumped out. One of the police groaned. "Oh, great, the Spooks are here."

Giuseppe quirked an eyebrow, and the man cringed. "Present company accepted, sir."

Giuseppe stared the man down, and finally spoke. "I trained most of those "spooks," officer. If they're here, they're here to help. Now's not the time for inter-service rivalry."

"Yes, sir," the officer said meekly as a few of the soldiers came in. The man in the front, a mustachioed man with graying hair, spoke. "Bonne soirée, Major Spaghetti. How badly are you hurt?"

Giuseppe shrugged, then winced slightly. "Just a cracked bone, Louis. Could have been a lot worse. And just call me Giuseppe, I retired. Guessing you brought in Forensics?"

The man nodded. "Just a matter of respect, sir. And oui. There are other teams as well, helping clean up this mess. But... how did you all know? Nearly everyone else that was attacked was killed, or severely injured."

Giuseppe shrugged. "I had some forewarning from... an old friend."

The man frowned. "How did they know, Major? That sounds suspicious. Who are they?"

Giuseppe stood straight. "Afraid I can't tell you that, Louis. I made a promise."

The Frenchman looked angry. "Be that as it may, they could have vital information. If you are retired, you have no right to withhold it."

Giuseppe's faced grew stormy. "Go careful, Louis. You're on thin ice."

The Frenchman grew equally as red-faced. "And I cannot believe you would hold back for something as flimsy as a promise."

"Why, you borioso, arrogante-!"

"Enough!" A voice called out it behind them. Everyone jumped. In the doorway was a short woman, black hair streaked with gray, wearing a black combat suit. "Thanks, Sepp, but I'm not gonna see you get yourself arrested for me. It was me, Louis. I told him."

The Frenchman went pure white in the face. Several of the other agents were staring. "Oh, mon dieu. Lieutenant Morelli. La Petite Mort. You're alive?"

The woman walked forward like a cat. "Alive, well, and ready to tell you what I know."

Peppino leaned to his brother. "La Petite Mort?"

Giuseppe chuckled. "You know how my callsign was "Hellrunner?" That's Anita, mine and Gustavo's old partner. Her's was "Little Death." She's just as infamous in Special Operations as I was. Moreso, really." He chuckled wickedly. "Everyone considered me the nice one."

Peppino thought about that. With our temper, that's saying a lot. This woman is probably incredibly dangerous.

Anita ignored the agents as if they were noisy children. "After I called you, Sepp, I heard a major commotion at that pepper's studio. Found him dueling with a giant copy of himself. I helped him take it out. He's fine, by the way." She flipped her hair, and her eye twitched. "Come on, you lot. Leave the wounded to recuperate, let's see what we can find out."

The agents followed her outside without a word.

"Didn't you say she quit?" Peppino said.

Giuseppe's malevolent smile had never wavered. "Anita has a way of commanding people even when she doesn't actually have the authority to do so." He sat down, and Peppino joined him. Fake crouched next to the table. "Let's go over what we know-"

No sooner had they sat down before they heard a roar of jet exhaust, and Noise rolled up outside. He brushed past the police. "Already gave my statement, officer, I'm here for them."

As he walked over, Peppino saw Noise had a huge, fang-toothed expression of pure rage. Even when he tried to kill me he didn't look like that. "Noise? What's-a happened?"

The Noise growled. "What happened was one of those things attacked NTV. Looked like him," he pointed at Fake, "but bigger and meaner. Killed some of my guards, and attacked Noisette."

Both of them stood up, and Fake stood to their full height, growling angrily. "Mio Dio! Is she all right?" Peppino said.

The Noise's expression turned into an evil grin. "A few cuts and bruises, and a concussion, they said. She walloped that thing, then I gave it a mouthful of bombs." He tossed a particularly nasty-looking Noise Bomb into the air. "They're still cleaning the mess off the walls. Saw them bring Vigi in the hospital."

They said back down. "This wasn't some random attack, then. It was a warning. A message," Giuseppe said.

Peppino looked grim. "Sì. He's after all of-a us, then. Not just me. Any-a-one to do with-a the Tower."

All four of them looked outside, at a town full of people who were now targets. What do we do now?

Noise tucked the bomb away, sniffed, and grinned. "I know one thing, fat man, I ain't lettin' ol' Pizzamug destroy what we got here now." He looked around. "Place has kinda grown on me." He looked at Peppino. A look that was almost friendly crossed Noise's face, and he stuck a thumb at his skinny chest. "And only I get t'mess with you."

Peppino grinned. "For-a once, we're in agreement, you little-a bastard. Let's-a find this stronzo."

Fake growled. "We feel the same. We will help as much as we can." They growled again. "And if we find him... we will kill him."

Giuseppe nodded. "I know I wasn't here for the beginning of all this, but this is my home now, too. And this could spread way beyond Tower Town." He cracked his neck. "I'll get in touch with some of my old crew, see what they can find. No one threatens my family." His face grew bright red. "NO ONE."

[burningtacozombie]

As the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes continue on, Danny Pino has been a regular presence on the picket lines around Los Angeles. “I’m here in solidarity, not only with the WGA, SAG-AFTRA, with IATSE, and our brother and sister unions to seek a fair deal,” he explains to Give Me My Remote in the video below. “And to be able to have some longevity, not only for artists and laborers, but for our unions that protect us.”

Pino has steadily worked for over two decades, including more than 150 episodes of COLD CASE and almost 100 episodes of LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. In a pre-streaming world, successful shows would be sold into syndication (on local stations, as well as cable networks like USA Network, TNT, TBS, etc.). It would be a win-win-win for talent (who would receive residuals for the re-use of their work), studios (which sold the shows into the lucrative deals), and the channels (who got content without having to shell out the cost of production).

Now, some shows—largely procedurals and some comedies—still get sold into on-air syndication, but a large amount of viewership is coming from streaming…which has notoriously paid pennies, even when shows are breaking records.

For writers/actors/directors—who can go months or years without paying work, as they’re held awaiting production to start back up, auditioning for (or writing/prepping) their next project, and/or promoting something they’ve already completed—the sudden decrease in income has been life-changing.

“Well, that’s simple: residuals are a lifeline,” Pino says. “What actors make as salaries…once that show is canceled, or an actor moves on—what maintains them, what sustains their families, what allows them to send their children to school, what allows them to pay their medical bills, would be residuals.”

“That was true years ago when I first started in the business,” the writer/director/actor continues. “And that has slowly been whittled away to the point where actors can no longer rely on residuals. And that work that we do, that actors have done—that is being replayed and enjoyed by audiences and profitable to these big corporations—it is essentially stealing from an artist to use their likeness, to use their artistry, and to not pay them for that. It is not a handout. It is not something that is generous from the corporations. It is the right thing to do in exchange for the work that we’ve put in.”

Pino points to residuals as one of the key points he’s concerned about in the ongoing labor dispute, but also acknowledges the unknown of AI is a “huge concern.”

“It’s existential, not only for writers, but for actors and for directors as well,” he says. “And for everybody else down the line. The fewer actors that we have on set, whether principal actors or background, the fewer costumers, wardrobe, makeup and hair, gaffers, electricians, all the way down the line. And that is not only existential for SAG-AFTRA and WGA and the DGA, it is existential for the rest of the unions as well.”

The strike comes at a busy time for Pino, who just debuted his short UNIÓN DE REYES at the SAG-AFTRA-approved HollyShorts Film Festival. His long-running series, MAYANS M.C., also aired its final episode days after SAG-AFTRA officially went on strike. (Per SAG-AFTRA strike rules, actors are not supposed to promote past/present/future work for struck companies on social media, which MAYANS would fall under.)

“I so appreciate our fans, who understood why we can’t promote the shows that we love so much,” he says. “All of the time and effort, the vulnerability [and] courage that so many actors have put into our work—and [then] to not be able to be there for the fans and enjoy that work and celebrate it with them. So, I appreciate their understanding and their support as we try and battle [these] very difficult to pin down corporate interests. And I hope that they will—and I trust that they will—be with us once this is all over. [When] we’re able to relate with them, and to continue that dialogue between people who create art and those who enjoy it.”

In the meantime, Pino shares he hopes fans do what they feel comfortable with, solidarity-wise, whether it’s pausing their media consumption or sharing the striking workers’ messages. And, as everyone awaits a fair contract, he notes, “I hope that cooler heads will prevail and a deal will happen sooner than later.”

X - X

[shirouchiha6]

The New AE Banner

Hmmm… Skipping them, saving up resources (unless Anima , Pino,Atmos decide to get their variants)for when Xmas Rook reruns, i need me my Bill scenes

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Body Double (De Palma, 1984)

This review contains spoilers.

I'd been long overdue for a rewatch of this, and with the Criterion Channel including this as part of a series on erotic thrillers, and Air making cheeky use of Pino Donaggio's iconic theme, I finally followed through. Now, if somebody were to ask me what the Ultimate Movie is, there's a good chance I'd name this one off the top of my head. I don't mean the greatest movie of all time, my favourite movie, the most influential movie, what have you. But a movie where its "movie-ness" is entirely the point, its artificiality is foregrounded, a movie that makes forceful use of cinematic devices while commenting on them or at least drawing attention to their place in the narrative. And I think Body Double checks all those boxes. And if you're gonna try to list other movies that might fit the bill, even from the same director, I'm gonna ask you to put those back in your pocket because I didn't actually think about this for more than a minute.

I think the voyeurism theme is especially interesting in that the movie isn't just conflating the hero with the viewer and implicating us in his kinks and hangups (and in this respect, De Palma is very much following in the tradition of Hitchcock), but also conflating the villain with the director. The entire scenario of the movie is concocted by the villain as a scheme to kill his wife and get away with it, and he goes about this as one would make a movie. He casts for the part of the hero by preying on a down-on-his-luck actor and for the part of his wife by hiring a pornstar with a memorable warmup routine. He lures the hero with fancy production values in the form of an expensive house with a view to die for. He trains the hero's eyes where and when to look, like one might frame and edit a shot. Makeup and costumes play into his alibi.

There are multiple levels of movies within movies here, not just in the villain's scheme, but the low budget vampire movie the hero is cast in (and fired from) and two pornos, one where the hero catches on to the fact he's been played, and another where he tries to play the star of the first porno. And during the latter, not only is the voyeurism element referenced in the dialogue ("I like to watch") and the hero is guided through the experience both by another cast member (Holly Johnson of Frankie Goes to Hollywood) and the director of the porno (De Palma regular Al Israel), the climactic moment of the latter, it cuts back to a boisterously artificial scene earlier in the movie. There are layers upon layers upon layers of artificiality, and by putting them all together De Palma gives meaning to all of them. If everything in the movie is artificial, then its truths must be contained in artifice.

I will also note that while on my initial viewing, I'd probably say that I really would want to watch just the vampire movie, or maybe the music video part of the second porno, at this point I'll readily admit I'd watch all three. It's worth noting that the middle porno looks closer to the average production at the time, although if you look closely, the camera movements seem an awful lot like the fake slasher at the beginning of Blow Out, steadicamming its way from one choice window view to another. The latter porno is definitely an outlier, although one can find similarities to the production design in a Rinse Dream or Gregory Dark movie, or maybe Squalor Motel from the following year. I woudn't be surprised if some porn directors were influenced by this, De Palma makes a couple of references for those in the know. ("I have a routine that's a sure ten on the Peter-Meter.")

I think the casting of the main parts here is pretty much perfect. Craig Wasson brings a certain sympathetic dweebishness (his resemblance to a certain late night host works out in the movie's favour, surprisingly), Melanie Griffith is able to imbue both toughness and humanity into her guarded character (and is, like, next level hot to boot), Gregg Henry has a smile that is none too reassuring, and Deborah Shelton is delicate in ways that make her sympathetic (interestingly, her voice was dubbed by Helen Shaver). Plus we get Dennis Franz as the director of the horror movie and he's always a hoot. But it's interesting to ponder how the movie would have played with Annette Haven in the lead, who was the inspiration for Griffith's character but was rejected by cowardly studio heads. I actually think she would have been a bitter fit for the Shelton role with her Old Hollywood looks and poise, whereas I think of somebody more punkish like Sharon Mitchell would have been better in the Griffith role. As for the leads, maybe I'm just high off a recent viewing of Talk Dirty to Me, but the dynamic between Richard Pacheco and John Leslie in the movie think they would have nailed the Wasson and Henry roles, respectively. Throw in Robert Kerman and Bobby Astyr as the horror and porno directors, respectively (or maybe not), Gary Graver directing with some of the De Palma Lite style he brought to V: The Hot One, and boom, you've got a porno Body Double. Basically the same thing, but with actual penetration in that "Relax" scene. Also way cheaper:

"Well, films cost money."

"I got money."

"Well, then what are you doing in hard core?"

During my viewing, I was chuckling a fair bit thanks to a recent listen of LexG's podcast episode about the movie, where he complains that this would be the worst porno ever thanks to all the music video stuff and lack of a money shot, and that Griffith's character would make for a terrible pornstar given all the stuff she doesn't do.

I do think the movie's place in De Palma's career is interesting to consider. This was made after Scarface, after increasing criticism of all the excess and sex and violence in his movies, and once again, he decides to go overboard, foregrounding the porn element and bringing out a frighteningly large drill during the murder. (Amy Holden Jones beat him to the metaphor with that particular weapon in The Slumber Party Massacre, but De Palma's is bigger.) Set pieces are stretched out to comical, excruciating lengths with all kinds of complications, like a packed elevator, a vicious dog, a cord that keeps coming unplugged. (I chased my viewing with some of Brice Dellsperger's Body Double shorts, which offer amusingly lo-fi remixes of key scenes from this and other movies, and not just De Palma's, and the takes on this one emphasize the excess accordingly.) But it's also an interesting companion piece to Blow Out in particular, in part for the movies within the movie, and in part for the role filmmaking plays in the plot. Blow Out is coloured by post-Watergate pessimism and disillusionment, and the hero's trade ends up being futile in stopping the villain, serving instead as a way to process failure and tragedy. There's some of that here, as the hero at first seems to be the victim of a filmmaking scheme. But over the course of the movie, he's been co-opting those methods, eventually using them to catch the killer, beat his crippling claustrophobia, and even get the girl. During the climax, as he's being buried alive, he flashes back to the production he was fired from to once again butt heads with the director.

"I don't think I like your attitude."

"Well, I think if I get this shot, you'll like it a lot better, right?"

But as he's playing the scene back in his head, he's steadily regaining his confidence, and when decides to go ahead and finish the shot, there's a sense of real triumph. "Let's do it!"

[phonypizza]

Pino...what are you gonna do now? What's gonna happen to you?

He dumps some dirty and damp paper towels into the garbage before yanking the bag out and tying it up. Pino lugs the garbage bag outside and hurls it into the dumpster, trying to ignore how his arms briefly went numb with the force.

The chef turns to the back door once again, briefly resting his fingers on the handle as he waits for feeling to return to his limbs.

"My usual," is his carefully-worded reply. "I fall back into routine and move away from what already-a happened. I manage the restaurant, I pay the bills, I go home to sleep.

"And hopefully," he adds, turning the handle and pushing open the door, "nothing else is gonna happen to me."

[harristops]

Like ash said in the interview, AK keeps everything organized and in check 😂 so not surprised she drives more. Plus I feel like ash would have road rage maybe? Prob better if ash is in the back seat singing songs with sloane haha

Tbh when Ash was like "she does more organizational stuff, like bills and keeping me on a schedule and holding me accountable" I was dying because I thought about the live they did with Pinoe and Sue when Ash was like, I want a cute assistant and AK was like "you're looking at her" lmao. But yes I agree I feel like Ash probably drives like every butch lesbian and probably loses her chill lmao.

[whydoiwrite]

Now do postgame hot takes

Pedicure Takes (some of which are hot, and most are soccer-related):

Women's bball officials are more sensitive than women's soccer refs. There'd be like 5 reds and 8 yellows if you put basketball officials on a soccer field. Also, men who officiate women's sports are like the most sensitive of all. I want all-female crews all the time. Even in men's sports because I like watching Sean Payton and Bill Belichick yell at women like they can't see gender.

Rest Kelley until second half of Mexico because you know what makes me uneasy? KT tape on hamstrings. Let Fox learn, then put Kelley at LB and play someone else at RB. I thought Huerta, but I was talked into Sonnett this morning because this team still lacks fire and she is fiery (also Lindsey plays better when Sonnett is on the pitch, you cannot convince me otherwise). Might as well pull Cook and put Girma in. We're going to have a center back problem thru Australia.

I love VAR (but when it doesn't take the spirit of the game into account and offside is called because three strands of a ponytail were past the defender's shoulder, I'll come back here to yell about it). It belongs in the women's game. I want it in the NWSL even though it will make those matches 3+ hour ordeals with all the shitty calls. Maybe those refs need to see how much they suck, you know? A little self-reflection for all the world to see never hurt anyone. Let's humble some NWSL refs.

Just sit Lindsey until Canada. Or maybe the whole tournament. She can't go box-to-box right now, not at pace. Play her at the 6 if you must, but find a way to let me see 90 minutes of Rose, Alex, and Sanchez.

Casey Murphy is not the #1, I don't care how qualified Vlatko is and how unqualified I am.

I find Vlatko very rigid for someone who praises creativity.

Mal is being Mal again and I am not surprised. But I take back everything I said about Pinoe needing to be left off the roster. She's a game changer.

The cleat to Kelley's midsection wasn't a red.

Teddy Swims is 🔥.

[lawlessfm]

mwm by members?

i would simply pass out on the floor right in front of you if i got a karl urban or daniel kaluuya application.     i would love to see     chiwetel ejiofor,    shah rukh khan,   bill skarsgard,     metin  akdügler,   laurence fishburne,     rahul  kohli,   ricky whittle,    glen  powell,   shemar moore,    miles teller,   dwayne johnson,     jung  wooseok,   mahershala ali,    lewis pullman,   jesse williams,    keith powers,    michael b jordan,    harvey guillen,     logan lerman,     isiah mustafa,     yahya abdul mateen,    viggo mortensen,     rami malek,    andrew garfield,    andrew koji,    ilhan şen,    jake gyllanhaal,    alexander skarsgard,    hyun bin,    sen mitsuji,    kento yamazaki,     simu liu,    remy hii,    lewis tan,    danny pino,    charles melton,    aldis hodge,    kayvan novak,    john david washington,    colin farrell,    michael pena,    paul rudd,   edward norton,    terrence howard,    sterling k brown,    daniel henney,    nattawin wattanagitiphat,    mark consuelos,    chris pine,    goran visnjic,    david castañeda,    fukushi sota,   jesse lee soffer,   takeru satoh,    hayden christensen,    gerardo taracena,   benjamin  wadsworth,    clayton cardenas,   tommy flanagan,    garrett hedlund,    edgar ramirez,    max thieriot,    boyd holbrook,    lorenzo james henrie,    phakphum romsaithong,    justin hartley,    idris elba,    pablo schreiber,     zane holtz,    robert pattinson,    angus cloud,    ji jin hee,   luke grimes,    kevin costner,    benicio del toro,    ryan gosling,    kang tae oh,   dylan o’brien,    mads mikkelsen,    chace crawford,   regé jean page,    javier bardem,    jimmy smits,     brian tee,    timothy olyphant,    frank dillane,    bradley cooper,    harry styles,    ethan hawke,     kasamatsu sho,     eric bane,    raymond ablack,   matthias schoenaerts,   miles teller,    alexander draymon,    jeremy allen white,    michael trevino,    peter gadiot,    barry keoghan,    antony starr,    aron piper,    david tennant,    theo james,    fujioka dean,    chris evans,    taylor kitsch,    wagner moura,    arnas fedaravičius,    hiroshi tamaki,    leo suter,    ludi lin,    lee soo hyuk,    nikolaj coster waldu,    tom holland,    denzel washington,    finn wittrock,    manny jacinto,    dylan minnette,    daniel craig,    dacre montgomery,    steven yeun,    ben hardy,     gong yoo,    charles michael davis,    lee dong wook,    michael malarkey,     kwak dong yeun,    jacob elordi,    gil birmingham,    tom wlaschiha,    cillian murphy,    alperen duymaz,    joe cole,    nathan parsons,    finn cole,     sean bean,    martin sensmeier,    blair redford,    diego luna,    pedro pascal,    oliver jackson cohen,    avan jogia,    and austin butler. 

[ugh-tsumu]

'di ko ma-explain pero alam mo 'yungggg palaban? sa tuwing may pino-process?

like, example, enrollment o nagbabayad ng bills o kumukuha ng clearances, 'yung hindi takot magtanong? 'di takot maglakad-lakad, lumapit? makipag-unahan?

i think my school honed me to become that person. 'yung parang, like i've said, hindi takot magtanong-tanong at humingi ng tulong. ganon. kailangan kasi talaga 'pag ganiyan, hindi ka matakot mag reach out dahil kung hindi, aabutan ka ng hapon kakahintay at posibleng sa wala pa.

some of my friends are like that. 'yung willing to wait sa gilid without asking kung ang pila ba ay para sa purpose niya o diyan ba talaga ang pila o tama ba 'to, tama ba 'yan at nakakairita. nakakairita kasi aksaya sa oras, alam mo 'yun?

kanina, nauna 'yung kaibigan ko sa school at imbes na maunang luminya para mas maaga kami (dahil pwede namang isabay ko sa kaniya ang akin), he decided to wait for me. at ang rason? ewan, potangina, kasi daw wala pa ako.

nauungusan na kami sa linya kanina tapos siya, okay lang. napilitan pang tumayo nang magdamag kahit na sinabi kong pwede namang umupo dahil tinanong ko. ayaw pa maniwala sa akin.

gets ko naman na hindi lahat ng introvert ay gaya ko na may pagka-plastic at kayang magtapang-tapangan bigla 'pag ganito. pero kasi...sigh...ewan ko ba, kung gyera 'to kumbaga, baka mauna kang matamaan kung ganiyan galawan mo. ewan. street smart bs, ewan.

[nevernevadahq]

Torn between Zac Efron, Chris Wood, Alberto Rosende, and Cody Christian. Who would your members like to see the most?

We've got a split between Cody and Alberto, nonnie! If you'd like some more help deciding, below the cut are some wanted connections they could fit!

In the gardens of bright neon lights and the heavy breaths around a glittering table, NADIA JAMES is missing their EX HUSBAND AND PARTNER IN CRIME. There is a tender curiosity of what they will bring to game that lies under the desert sun. In the past, they’ve been NADIA’S EX-HUSBAND WHEN SHE WAS JUST TWENTY YEARS OLD. WHEN NADIA WAS PROPERLY TRAINED WITH THE FOXES, AND ABLE TO TRAVEL AND LIVE HER LIFE, SEE THE WORLD, SHE MET A MAN JUST LIKE HER: A KILLER WITH A DANGEROUS EDGE AND TOGETHER THEY WERE INSEPARABLE BUT TOXIC. THEIR MARRIAGE WAS INTENSE, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY TRAVELED AND STAYED IN THE LAP OF LUXURY, THEY WERE BOTH TRAINED KILLERS ONE WAY OR ANOTHER AND BROUGHT OUT THE BEST AND WORST IN EACH OTHER. AFTER A PARTICULARLY BAD FIGHT, NADIA KNOCKED HIM OUT AND SET THEIR HOUSE ON FIRE - THINKING THAT SHE KILLED HIM, BUT LOW AND BEHOLD, HE GOT OUT AND NOW HE IS BACK and under the heavy haze of alcohol and poison, they resemble DAN STEVENS, HENRY CAVILL, DANNY PINO, REGE-JEAN PAGE, BILL SKARSGARD, CHARLES MICHAEL DAVIS, CILLIAN MURPHY, TOM HIDDLESTON, OLIVER JACKSON COHEN, MICHAEL B JORDAN, ANTONY STARR, IDRIS ELBA, AARON FONTAINE. 30-40s. Will they choose sin or sage? For more information, reach out to DEIDIAVOLI. 

In the gardens of bright neon lights and the heavy breaths around a glittering table, SIBEL BOSNAK is missing their EX BOYFRIEND. There is a tender curiosity of what they will bring to game that lies under the desert sun. In the past, they’ve been SOMEONE SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD TRUST. WHEN SIBEL MOVED TO LAS VEGAS, SHE STARTED DATING HIM. UNKNOWN TO HER HE WAS TRYING TO BECOME AN INITIATE OF THE ASENAS. THE MORE THEY DATED, HE STARTED TO CONNECT SOME DOTS. LEARNING HER LAST NAME, HE KNEW IT WAS THE SAME AS ONE OF THE FAMILIES AND STARTING GETTING MORE INFORMATION FROM HER AND THE ASENAS UNTIL HE PUT IT TOGETHER SHE WAS THE DAUGHTER OF THE BOSNAK BROTHER WHO LEFT. HE THEN STARTED TO USE HER TO GET HIMSELF INITIATED AND PROMOTED. HE STARTED TO BRING ASENA PEOPLE WHO WERE HURT TO HER UNTIL SHE KNEW TOO MUCH AND THEN HAD TO BE PRESENTED TO THE ASENAS. HE BROUGHT THEM A MEDIC AND A LONG LOST FAMILY MEMBER TO FURTHER HIS STANDING. THEY BROKE UP SOON AFTER THAT and under the heavy haze of alcohol and poison, they resemble MICHAEL B JORDAN, THEO JAMES, KEREM BURSIN, MAXI IGLESIAS, PATRICK FLUEGAR, RONEN RUBINSTEIN, BRENTON THWAITES, BRETT DALTON, CASEY DEIDRICK, ALP NAVRUZ, RAYMOND ABLACK, ALAN RICHSON, CHARLES MICHAEL DAVIS, DEREK THELER, EMRE BEY, HENRY GOLDING, RICHARD MADDEN, SAM HEUGHAN, LAKEITH STANFIELD, LUKE PASQUALINO, TREVANTE RHODES, TOMMY MARTINEZ, ADAM HUBER OR UTP. Will they choose sin or sage? For more information, reach out to SIBELBOSNCK.

In the gardens of bright neon lights and the heavy breaths around a glittering table, ATTICUS BAILEY is missing their LVPD INFORMANT. There is a tender curiosity of what they will bring to game that lies under the desert sun. In the past, they’ve been HIS "MAN" IN THE CHAIR. AIDING IN ATTICUS’ VIGILANTE TENDENCIES TO GET BACK AT THOSE WHO DID NOT HAVE TO ANSWER FOR THEIR CRIMES FOR BENDING THE LAW OR USING MONEY TO FEIGN INNOCENCE, THEY PROVIDE ATTICUS WITH INFORMATION ON WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE. THEY COULD BE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS, FORMER CLASSMATES FROM COLLEGE THAT PURSUED DIFFERENT PATHS, OR EVEN SERVED TOGETHER IN THE MILITARY DURING ATTICUS’ BRIEF SERVICE. and under the heavy haze of alcohol and poison, they resemble ANY FC, ANY AGE. Will they choose sin or sage? For more information, reach out to LA-SANGRADURA.

In the gardens of bright neon lights and the heavy breaths around a glittering table, LUXANA COIA is missing their MOTHER’S COLD CASE DETECTIVE. There is a tender curiosity of what they will bring to game that lies under the desert sun. In the past, they’ve been IN VERY LITTLE CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER. JUST RECENTLY, LUX HAS BECOME MORE AND MORE INVOLVED IN HER MOTHER’S DEATH FROM YEARS AGO. THERE WAS NEVER SOMETHING RIGHT ABOUT IT AND LUX KNEW IT IN HER GUT. ENTER: THE COLD CASE DETECTIVE WHO OFFERED TO LOOK INTO THE INCIDENT. IT’D BE SOMEONE WHO BECOMES CLOSER TO LUX AND TRIED TO INVOLVE HER IN THE CASE TO TRY AND GET AN ANSWER AS TO WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT / IF IT WAS AN ACCIDENT OR IF IT WAS A HOMICIDE. and under the heavy haze of alcohol and poison, they resemble ANY FC, ANY AGE. Will they choose sin or sage? For more information, reach out to HELDFATE.

[docrotten]

THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE (1970) – Episode 190 – Decades Of Horror 1970s

“Right! Bring in the perverts” They always make for a good police lineup. Join your faithful Grue Crew – Doc Rotten, Chad Hunt, Bill Mulligan, and Jeff Mohr – as they get their Giallo on with Dario Argento’s first shot at directing, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970).

Decades of Horror 1970s Episode 190 – The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970)

Join the Crew on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel! Subscribe today! And click the alert to get notified of new content! https://youtube.com/gruesomemagazine

An American expatriate in Rome attempts to unmask a serial killer he witnessed in the act of attempted murder – and is now hunting him and his girlfriend.

  Director: Dario Argento

Writers: Dario Argento; Fredric Brown (novel, The Screaming Mimi, 1949) (uncredited)

Produced by: Salvatore Argento (producer); Artur Brauner (executive producer: CCC Filmkunst) (uncredited)

Music by: Ennio Morricone

Cinematography by: Vittorio Storaro (director of photography)

Film Editing by: Franco Fraticelli

Selected Cast:

Tony Musante as Sam Dalmas

Suzy Kendall as Julia

Enrico Maria Salerno as Inspector Morosini

Eva Renzi as Monica Ranieri

Umberto Raho as Alberto Ranieri

Renato Romano as Professor Carlo Dover (credited as Raf Valenti)

Giuseppe Castellano as Monti

Mario Adorf as Berto Consalvi

Pino Patti as Faiena

Gildo Di Marco as Garullo

Rosita Torosh as 4th Victim (as Rosa Toros)

Omar Bonaro as Police Detective

Fulvio Mingozzi as Police Detective

Werner Peters as Antique Dealer

Karen Valenti as Tina, 5th Victim

Carla Mancini as Girl watching TV

Bruno Erba as Police Detective

Reggie Nalder as Needles, Yellow Jacket Assassin (uncredited)

With his first feature directorial effort, modern horror master Dario Argento immediately showed off his skill, precision, and artistry. Often looked upon as the rise in popularity for Giallo films, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970) would set the bar for all the pre-slasher killer mystery thrillers for over a decade even giving the father of the subgenre, Mario Bava (The Girl Who Too Much, 1963; Blood and Black Lace, 1964), a run for his money. While Argento adapts many influences into his first of a series of films known as the “Animal Trilogy,” along with The Cat o’ Nine Tails (1971) and Four Flies on Grey Velvet (1971), his film would in turn influence many films for decades to come. Some of those films would be directed by his peers such as Bava and Lucio Fulci. Others who would pay homage would be the likes of Carpenter and de Palma. Jeff, Doc, Bill, and Chad gather to discuss the film, its creators, and its mark on the genre.  

At the time of this writing, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage is available to stream on a multitude of streaming and PPV services including Kanopy, Tubi, Prime Video, and Screambox to name a few.  The film is also available as a Blu-ray and as a 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray from Arrow Video.

Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror 1970s is part of the Decades of Horror two-week rotation with The Classic Era and the 1980s. In two weeks, the next episode, chosen by Chad, will be The Dunwich Horror (1970). Yog-Sothoth, anyone?

We want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans: comment on the site or email the Decades of Horror 1970s podcast hosts at feedback@gruesomemagazine.com. 

Check out this episode!