#binged hellsing ultimate in like a week

[faustusgoetiaphile]

the patron saint of servitude 🧎

some alutegra because the vampire hyperfixaton has me by the neck again, oh boy....

[duhragonball]

Christ, I remember trying to watch NGE last year and falling off a few episodes in because nothing was happening and I found other stuff to binge that was more entertaining. I knew most of the infamous stuff happens in the latter half but how is this show 11 episodes in and still ass? At least now I know why Eva is mostly known for it's ending, there's virtually no beginning and thus far very little middle.

It's not a bad show, but yeah, it's kind of a letdown for me. I've been looking forward to this for a long time now, and it just doesn't seem to be measuring up. Maybe my expectations were unrealistic, but Evangelion always seemed to be this really cool, popular thing, and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.

All that being said, let me dial back some of my negativity towards this show. It has its moments, often quiet, subtle touches that I can't really document with screenshots and a text synopsis. For example, when the kids are making their way through the base during the blackout, Asuka needles Shinji the whole time, then tries to do the same to Rei, and Rei completely no-sells it, just refuses to take the bait. She doesn't dispute Asuka's claims to leadership, but she doesn't recognize her authority either. And yet, when Asuka finally comes up with an actual plan to defeat their enemy, Rei agrees to follow her lead. It's not a question of respect or disrespect. She's just waiting for Asuka to cut out the bluster and be sensible.

This show reminds me of other anime TV series I've watched in the past. Noir. Excel Saga. Cowboy Bebop. Tenchi Universe. Tenchi in Tokyo. The Gonzo Hellsing series. Revolutionary Girl Utena. I feel like I'm forgetting something else, but the point is that they all sort of share a similar story structure, maybe because they're all TV series with similar lengths.

A few years back, I learned about cours, a term for a three month period in Japanese television. It's about thirteen weeks, which is why so many anime TV series are aired in multiples of 12 or 13 episodes. Jojo season 1 was 26 episodes, which was used to cover both Parts 1 and 2, which worked out, because Part 1 was a little too short for its own 3-month run, while Part 2 was a little too long. Part 3 was like forty-eight episodes, so that's four cours. Parts 4, 5, and maybe 6 were three cours apiece.

Of course, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is based on a serial manga, but I'm pretty sure shows like the ones I mentioned above were wholly original, or only loosely based on a manga or OAV. Those shows, including NGE are designed to be 13, 26, or 39 episodes long, and the story is plotted accordingly. And they kind of operate the same way, spending a certain number of episodes introducing the characters, then doing a bunch of routine adventures, and then towards the last seven or eight episodes things start to get serious and the really plot-driven stuff happens.

I wouldn't quite call it a formula, but it explains why I keep finding NGE's pacing so familiar, even though I really haven't seen another show like it. I think what everyone remembers so fondly is the heavy stuff, where a lot of the secrets and mysteries get revealed, and all of these characters and relationships that have built up over the series get pushed to their limits. But if I'm right, that probably won't get rolling until Episode 18 or 19.

And if it is a formula, then it clearly works, or they wouldn't keep doing it. I guess that's just the difference between Japanese TV and direct-to-video stuff. I've been spoiled by shows like Hellsing Ultimate, where the episodes were variable-length, and organized for maximum effect, because there were no broadcast schedules or logistical issues to get in the way. I suspect a lot of these shows have a few weak episodes where nothing happens just to fill out the cour. They wrote 18 epsiodes' worth of story, but it has to be padded out to 26.

How you experience a show like NGE probably matters too. If I had seen Evangelion back in 2000, on the Toonami lineup, I probably would have only caught bits and pieces of it, eventually getting curious enough to make a deliberate effort to watch it all the way through and figure out just what was going on. That's how I got into Tenchi. I can imagine some small group of anime nerds getting together to watch NGE three episodes at a time, and if they're still somewhat new to this genre, it would blow them away. Sentimental value counts for a lot, but it's not something I can recapture just by watching it myself. But it's the best I can manage, and whether the show is good or not, at least I'll have the satisfaction of finding out.

[dragon-stones]

How to Annoy a Father

Pairing: None   Rating: T Summary: Alucard has a little scuffle with Ellina about her sleeping habits.

“Ellina.”

The booming voice of the elder vampire startles the Dhampir from her work. Turning around, she looks to the door that leads into her lab. Standing in the frame is her father, Hellsing’s ultimate weapon.

“When have you last slept.” The elder vampire says.

The vampiric female blinks, knowing that it wasn’t a question. “Um...I don’t know.”

The elder vampire narrowed his eyes and Ellina felt a shiver run down her spine. He didn’t like the answer and she could tell.

“You haven’t slept...in sixty hours.” Alucard snorts.

“Oh… Okay?”

“You know why that’s not good, correct?” A corner of Alucard’s lips twitched.

“Un… Yes?” Ellina questions.

“No, you don’t.” The father vampire growls.

“I’m sure it’s fine…” The Dhampir shivers, feeling nervous.

“My coffin, now.” Alucard points to the door.

‘I’m in trouble…’ Ellina thinks as she removes herself from the chair and leaves through the door her father pointed at.

Alucard glances around the place that his daughter loves to stay in. The lab is a mess; papers are scattered about on the floor and tables, tools lay on a table, oil and grease-stained a few tables and floors. And the stench is rather unpleasant to the vampire’s senses… and powerful.    

“What about this lab is so fascinating that she stays up for sixty hours at a time?” Alucard shakes his head and leaves the room. His senses need time to clear up.

Ellina sits on her Father’s coffin and waits for him to return to his room. By the way, he spoke, she could tell that her dad is anything but furious with her. Which she finds a little… strange. She has done Sixty-hour binges before. Why would this one anger her dad?

“I’m so dead.”

Hearing the sounds of footsteps, Ellina looks at the doorway and sees the figure of her father appearing from the dark.  

“Know why I sent you here?”  

Ellina looks around the room and notes there’s only the elder vampire’s chair, table, and coffin. “Cause you're feeling lonely?”

“No.” Alucard glares, not finding his child’s humor...humorous at the moment. “Someone here doesn’t understand the importance of sleep.”

“I understand! I just… forgot?” Ellina didn’t know how to defend herself. She does understand, but she never seemed to care.

“From my observations; you don’t.” Alucard’s clipped tone stops Ellina from thinking of any excuses.

“I do. But do you see a clock in my lab?” The Dhampir pouts.

Alucard stares at his daughter for a moment. This is one pathetic attempt for her to fight her case and she knows it too. It’s common knowledge that there’s no clock within her lab. Integra had bought her one, but she never put it up.

His eyes glance to her pants pockets and the vampire snorts. Lifting an arm, Alucard points a finger to her pockets. Knowing his child will look to where he’s pointing, the vampire does have to feel a tinge of smugness rising inside as she pats her pockets.

“I didn’t keep my phone on me. Remember what happened to the last one?” Ellina looks to her Father and notices the slight smug look on him disappears.

“And who’s fault was that?” Alucard glares at the Dhampir on his coffin. “Not mine.”

“I didn’t know it was your phone.” Ellina crosses her arms in a huff, still being blamed for something that was an accident. “They both fell into the batch of motilin Silver anyways.”

Alucard sighs and drops the subject. He knows that he isn’t getting through to Ellina today. “Get in the coffin.”

“Like…” Ellina stays down in her oil-stained shirt and pants. She had taken her gloves, shoes, and socks off when she first entered her Father’s room.  “This?”

Alucard sighs again. She had a point. If she were to sleep in his coffin with those clothing on, his bedding will smell like oil and grease for weeks. The lid already smells of his daughter’s lab. Stepping to an old trunk that the vampire kept hidden, he takes out an old Victorian-looking nightgown. “Wear this.”

“Un…” Ellina catches the gown with a hand and stays at it. Many questions are running through her head. Where did the trunk come from and why does her father have this gown? But, for now, she'll wait. Looking up, she notes that Alucard had disappeared from the room.  Once dressed she calls out, “There.”

“Good.” Alucard reappears on his throne, a glass of blood wine in his hand. “Coffin. Now.”

“Fine.” Ellina rolls her eyes, annoyed. But, sleep is starting to crawl upon her. So, she slips into the coffin.

“Now, sleep.” Alucard hums, a smile pulling on his face. His voice softens as the lid starts to close. “Pain in my ass.”

A chuckle escapes his lips as Ellina says something to him in Russian, most likely a curse. He’ll ask about it once she’s had a full rest.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Dear 'Anime Bad' Anon: I Want To Help I pity your situation, so please have a list of weebshit that isn't moeified, or wherein the cutesy art-style serves a greater purpose. (Note: though they won't be soft marshmallow uguuuu, they may still have issues in other ways. Some may have aged badly with regards to how society views or portrays groups or beliefs, some may have upsetting content and dark themes, and some may simply not be to your taste. Note: Anime is a genre, not a monolith, and the disparaging stereotype that it's all cute girls uwuing over their brother s-s-senpai!!! is as much of a disservice as saying all western movies are just vapid cash grab superhero movie sequels with no inegrity or thought put into them. There are indeed a lot of superhero movies, but they're not all identical schlock (megamind vs venom vs kick-ass),  but even more than that, there is a wealth of creative endeavor just beyond the veil of Marvel's cape: just as there are plenty of good anime if you dig past the isekai high school harem wish fulfillment genre that no one wants to keep making but people keep making because it prints money to a very small demographic of the animation equivalent of a mobile game whale thereby allowing this frankly quite-small industry to work on engaging and worthwhile series where the budget permits, Regardless,)

Mushi-shi: -Pros: gorgeous animation, tranquil vibes, episodic stories so you can cram in an episode between classes or on your lunch break. highly recommended by the literal-who typing this out. -Cons: some themes or stories may cause emotional distress, learning to tell apart Urushibara Yuki's characters is a learning curve.

Baccano-Pros: meticulously-researched 20s-and-30s-era mafia violence with a hint of the supernatural, as a treat, told anachronistically with flair and jazz music. practically made to be binge-watched. the novels are finally getting translated into english as well. -Cons: lots of characters to keep track of, fair bit of blood and violence, some scenes or themes may be upsetting, lots of jumping around between different time periods. See Also: Durarara, another series by Ryōgo Narita with a ton of characters and a plot with more threads an overpriced sheet.

Cowboy Bebop-Pros: incredibly well-regarded, space bounty hunters are cool, episodic series that slowly takes on a plot towards the end, fantastic animation, scoring, and even dub work.  -Cons: some scenes or themes may be uncomfortable, some parts have not aged quite so well, the smart doll version of the main character is ugly, you're gonna carry that weight.

Trigun-Pros: starts lighthearted, develops an increasingly investing plot as the series goes along. fictional westerns are cool. this world is made of love and peace -Cons: some scenes or themes may be upsetting, and probably will be. gun violence is naturally present, but that ain't all of it.

Hellsing (standard or Ultimate. or Abridged)Pros: vampires killing nazis. the original adaptation isn't bad, the second adaptation (ultimate) is generally viewed as an improvement. abridged is a youtube parody version that was so popular the voice actors reference it in convention interviews.Cons: a Lot of violence, even trending to the gorey side of things. Uncomfortable Themes Everywhere, but it's a horror-tinged action series about killing nazis, so that's to be expected. 

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood-Pros: while the original anime was quite good, the second iteration is a large improvement. does to alchemy what naruto does to ninjas: It's Basically Battle Magic. the plot starts on a strong note and doesn't let up from there. -Cons: there are distressing scenes and themes that may or may not be tolerable to the viewer. there are moments of cheesecake and even an occasional joke or a moeblob here and there, and it's not all doom and all gloom all the time, but this doesn't detract from the abject horror-despair that comes to permeate this series as it progresses. finally understand why people on the internet respond so negatively to the name 'nina'! 

[Mod: many more recs/reviews under the break, worth reading for those who like more obscure anime and animation]

Grave of the Fireflies-Pros: you will remember how to cry. it's a good reminder that one country's 'triumphs' often come at the expense of another country's people.  -Cons: this movie is incredibly dark, do not watch if you are in a bad headspace. see also: Barefoot Gen, a similar tale but this time from the perspective of an actual survivor from Hiroshima.

Michiko to Hatchin-Pros: an actually diverse cast of characters tangled up in a messy and very humanizing story, interspersed with Shinichiro Watanabe's particular flare for adventure. -Cons: some scenes or themes are very likely to be distressing. can be tricky to find, too.

Mo no no Ke (not the ghibli movie, though it is also quite good.) -Pros: incredibly unique art style and pacing that draws heavily from japanese theatre traditions, every screenshot is wallpaper-worthy. -Cons: may cause motion sickness. it is a psychological horror series, and one that does not need blood, nor gore, to cause visceral emotional response in the viewer. scenes and themes will be distressing- as really, that's the point.

Tokyo Godfathers-Pros: a transwoman, a (self-identified) homeless bum, and a runaway teen girl find a newborn in the baby on christmas. incredibly wholesome, somehow, and grounded in reality, with wonderful animation from the tragically late satoshi kon. -Cons: it is grounded in realism, and sometimes, people are dicks. mild transphobia warning, too, but in-universe- the transwoman herself is portrayed with kindness and allowed to be her own (wonderful!!!) person. still, viewer be mindful.

Kino no Tabi (the first series is my preferred, the second is shinier but lacks emotional impact- in my onion.) -Pros: mostly episodic, very unique series that can be gritty where it counts and kind where it matters. -Cons: some scenes or themes might be disturbing. finding it's not easy, either, and unfortunately, i don't think the novels are being translated right now, either.

Spice and Wolf-Pros: it's mostly about economics. there are shenanigans, a harvest god, and a slowly burgeoning romance, sure, but it's still mostly about economics. -Cons: there are moments of cheesecake and comedy, and moments that may cause distress to the viewer. it may or may not be to your taste.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica-Cons: yeah i know, it's moeblobs.  -Pros: you're gonna watch 'em die, though, in case that may interest you. it's quite a good subversion of the magical girl genre overall. somehow volks hasn't made an MDD of anyone from the series and i will never understand how that didn't happen.

Wolf Children: Ame to Yuki-Pros: watch a family grow together as a newly-single mother does her best to raise her twin children after the tragic loss of their father.  -Cons: keep tissues handy. certain scenes or themes may be uncomfortable.

Lupin III (Red Jacket, Ghibli, and the new 3D animation are all A+) pros: heist comedy elevated to an art form before half (or more!) of the people reading this were born. the english dubbed series that used to air on adult swim is a treat. cons: this franchise started in THE SIXTIES, so naturally, some shit has not aged well. certain series (fujiko mine) are darker than others in themes and material. the 3d movie that released recently is an excellent starting point.

Samurai Champloo-Pros: breakdancing samurai, a fascinating roster of characters, and a superb soundtrack by the tragically passed Nujabes. -Cons: it was made in the weird era of the transition from analog to digital animation and so the /series master/ was animated at a painfully low resolution, so even if there's a bluray out there (I haven't looked,) it will be an upscale, which doesn't always look the best. as well, there are scenes and themes that may make the viewer uncomfortable here and there.

The Works of Studio Ghibli Oh, I'm sorry, Ponyo too suffused with childhood wonder for you? My Neighbor Totoro not depressing enough?  In addition to the infamous Grave of the Fireflies, Studio Ghibli has made a wealth of movies that aren't aimed squarely at the kodomo (children's) sector. -Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: climate change existential dread, the movie -Castle in the Sky: government obsession with obtaining weapons of mass destruction destroys everything beautiful, the movie -Pom Poko: human-caused deforestation and urbanization is destroying the natural world and all that live in it, the movie -Princess Mononoke: industrialization will be the death of everything beautiful in the world, the movie, with a side of sometimes everyone (and no one) is the villain when everyone is simply trying to survive -Howl's Moving Castle: The Physical Manifestation of Depression is a Liquid Ooze, the Movie, also War Is Bad It's not all depressing, but let it never be said that Hayao Miyazaki was subtle. Whisper of the Heart is a good coming-of-age story, Kiki's Delivery Service is a classic, Tales from Earthsea is divisive among fans of Ursula K. Le Guin but I personally liked it. From one studio alone there is a wealth of opportunities.

And that's really the point. These are just some from the top of my head. There are so very many options outside of the cute-girls-doing-cute-things genre that I couldn't list them all if I was here for a week. Or as Madoka Magica so ruthlessly showcases, even series that appear a certain way on the surface might not be what you bargained for once you look into them! These are all (I think) mostly older, mainstream-appeal series that should be easy to track down, too -- there are all kinds of singular animations like The Diary of Tortov Roddle, crowdfunded experiments like KICK-HEART, Masterpiece World Theatre renditions of classic (western) novels that never get talked about, films like A Silent Voice that confront social issues- and of course, series like Rozen Maiden that helped popularize this very hobby!

There is literally an ocean of content to explore from Japanese creators alone, and it opens up even more if you look into works from other parts of Asia- just look at how popular manwha have become, or Chinese animations like Leafie, a Hen Into the Wild! It's a genre unto itself, with all the breadth of content and inter-industry problems that come with it, and without any of the respect that similar art forms have been granted over the years. The way an entire culture's art form is often disparaged, disregarded, and belittled- and by extension, the way most of Asia's animated endeavors are often rolled up into that reductive dismissal along with anime and manga- is honestly Not Great, and there is absolutely a thread of xenophobia that runs through it. The industry has so very many problems (low wages, poor training, overwork of everyone ever, archaic financial modules, the exclusivity and breadth of merchandising necessary to turn a profit and how it leads to consumer burnout and disconnection over time, and yes, the way minors are portrayed not just in anime, but in Japanese media in general- and how much of that is actually bad (some of it is indeed,) and how much if it is cultural difference (I've heard people call the scene where the family in Totoro bathe together problematic because of the nudity, but I've also only heard people say that from the West)

-- none of the actual problems affecting the people who produce this medium are gonna improve when the general response to "animators frequently have to live at home to survive" is "that's what happens when you're a weeb."  It's 5am and I'm gonna point out the problems in the narrative around how we discuss this genre of entertainment because it's important, damn you! Regardless, thank you for coming to my unasked for and overlong TED talk about animation on a doll collecting drama blog, feel free to call me a pathetic weeb etcetera on your way out- but while you do so, might I suggest you also go watch a choice animated series! My current go-to is Bofuri, which is a cute-girls-doing-cute-things moefied isekai series that I refuse to apologize for watching. Be free. (The battle scenes are great and it captures the feeling of learning to play a new MMO with your friends better than most video-game-based anime I've seen in a long, long time. does anyone even still remember .hack? how about serial experiments lain...?)

~Anonymous

[lesmismignon]

Satis - Old End Notes Compilation

Posting here because I forgot AO3 has a profile character limit. These are my old end notes from the prologue~chapter 27 (as of June 17, 2024) of Satis that I have removed from their respective chapters because 1) they were outdated af and 2) I wanted the chapters decluttered. This post will be edited and updated continuously with author’s notes of each new chapter. (Click “keep reading” at your own risk, this ended up being so long, I might have to divide it in the future. These read like old diary entries wtf)

prologue - parting words (2016-05-08)

Unlike Pushing Daisies, a happy-go-lucky product of a recent caffeine binge, this has been sitting in my computer for a long, long while, and I've decided to publish it today because it's Mother's Day (Parent's Day where I live).

This entire chapter resulted from my appreciation of Integra and Seras' relationship, which I always felt was portrayed quite profoundly in canon (Manga/OVA). Integra accepts Seras, takes her in, embraces her during her bloodlust, cuts her finger to feed her, and orders her not to die. Though this is intended to be, ultimately, an AxI fic, Integra and Seras' relationship will be an almost equally important pillar of the plot.

I must stress that this takes second priority to Snow White and will be updated only irregularly, if at all, until SW is completed. Which won't be long, I don't know. Headaches are rampant these days. Your responses will be the most welcome and beloved of all energizers. Especially since this is going to be a rather depressing and dramatic ride. I would love to hear what you thought. What will await our favorite Hellsing director, do you think?

01. auld lang syne (2016-06-24)

Here we go, off on another journey.

Thank you all for your feedback and sorry I kept you waiting! I hope you enjoyed this, and I would passionately love to hear what you thought and what you anticipate.

02. palimpsest (2016-07-27)

Good news! Now that Snow White is finished I'll be able to keep a regular schedule for this! And by "regular" I mean something like an update every week or two. This is a rather difficult endeavor, since I have to delve into the emotions of these very complex characters, and being an overemotional person myself, I tend to get overwhelmed. So please be patient with me if I end up being late. I'm always, always trying to deliver my best! I should mention, the quickest way to check my survival is my Tumblr blog. The address is in my bio.

Thank you so much for your wonderful words last chapter and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. It was hard, because one, the weather is horrible, and two, the weather is horrible, and three, Integra's situation is so convoluted that even I, the poor masochist who has undertaken this, have to take a breather every now and then. Second chances are really not that fantastic, you know?

Oh! And the rating is for violence, unresolved sexual tension, and, uh, maybe more? I make no promises! Let's see what the future holds.

And because music is such a big part of my writing, shout out to my queen Hamasaki Ayumi, who always manages to dissolve me into a teary ball of tragic romance.

I almost forgot. There will absolutely be no underage sex. No. Just no. Even if Integra is technically fifty-two.

03. eyes of war (2016-08-12)

More Walter to come next chapter.

The weather is hideous and I think I'm suffocating in the humidity. I hope this chapter doesn't seem too affected. God, I am so ready for autumn and the angsty vibes its winds send me!

Thank you all so much. I can't express adequately how I loved reading your responses and how joyed I am with all the ideas you're giving me. I'm afraid this story will start off a bit slow at first, but I'm really hoping to pick up the pace soon. I can say that a few major events are already set in stone and so is the climax. I know you're impatient to get there, but so am I! Let's journey on this rickety barge together. Be aware, though, it might not be what you expect!

Some of you might recall this from one of my notes in Snow White but the way I interpret Walter's defection in the series really can be summed up as jealousy (not the romantic kind). I'm trying to unfold the dynamics of Integra, Alucard and Walter's relationship as plausibly as possible. God, it's hard! They're such difficult children! And there's a reason the genre of this fic is drama. I'm going to spew drama everywhere. Be careful you don't drown in it! Stay tuned.

04. jamais vu  (2016-08-31)

Sleep has eluded me. Oh God, I am exhausted. Next time, my dearest readers. Always, thank you so much, please know that your wonderful words are what keep me going!

05. out of the blue (2016-09-17)

Integra! What are you up to?

Fluff. I needed fluff. And it never is Hellsing if the fluff isn't served with a dash of war and lewdness. And considering what I have planned for the next chapter, you all are going to need to fluff yourselves up with lots and lots of fluff.

Thank you all for your feedback! You all are such stars. I'm so happy you like the poem I chose for Alucard and Integra last chapter. I speak not a stitch of Romanian, but when I discovered that poem I was like, oh? Oh! And I had to use it, of course. I actually preferred poetry when I was in college so understand you'll be seeing poems here and there in my stories. Along with music, they are one of my greatest muses.

So I hope you are contented for now. Until next time, starlit people!

06. déjà vu (2016-10-12)

I did warn you!

Dreadfully sorry for the wait. As you might be able to imagine, this one was a monster. At this point I am just so glad I got it out. Thank you so much for your patience, and your words of kindness and encouragement! I live off them, you must know. But, whew, we do need something sweet to flush out this melancholy, don't we? Cross your fingers for a lighter installment next time, and I may show you mercy! Until then. Happy October, everyone!

07. a meager substitute (2016-10-30)

It so happens that I will reach the end of a chapter, and be at a complete loss as to what I should leave as an end note other than "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You are the sun and moon and stars of my writing process," because I am sure you know all these things already. But good things must go on repeating. So thank you and love you all for your loving support. I cannot believe it's already Halloween. Can you believe it's already Halloween? I wish I could have a share of your credulousness. Well anyway, Happy Halloween! See you soon!

08. cycle (2016-11-19)

The world may be going to pieces but the fic must go on. In which Integra shakes salt everywhere, poor Alucard and Walter become pickles, and Seras is, as always, a cutie patootie.

Sorry, Pip. You know I love you.

I am a very tired bean these days and so I had to cut this chapter off here before it could get too long for me to edit on time. So many apologies for it being on the short side. And thank you everyone so, so much for the two hundred kudos! Wow! Your love is what inspires me to go on!

What will happen next chapter? Where is Alucard? How will Walter fare? Has the future been changed for the better or worse? I cannot answer these questions, but you never know. The plot may be already upon you.

09. spoiled cake (2016-12-20)

Three o'clock in the morning is a lovely hour to update.

Oh my stars. I did not intend for this to take so long. I am terribly sorry for the long wait. At first I was occupied with Pokémon Moon, which was an absolute delight; but after finishing it I was hit with a bout of depression and lost a lot of strength. But I'm back now and I hope this chapter will be your balm. Your words were precious to me during this time, and I can't thank you enough. Let's continue on this journey.

10. bitter, sweet (2017-01-19)

*Sips tea*

*Looks at calendar*

*Spits tea out*

January 19? January 19? What do you mean, it's already January 19?

Wow. Uh, happy new year, everyone. Again, thank you and sorry for the long wait. I wrote quite a bit, scrapped it, wrote again, scrapped it again... There is something about turning a new year that makes one simultaneously hope and despair. I was at a rather difficult place, but presently I've gotten better. I wish this year will be a happy, lucky and safe time for all of you, and I hope I will be able to bring more and better bits to read. It has been quite a while since I uploaded a one shot, hasn't it?

11. ouroburos (2017-03-26)

Yes, it's really me! You're not hallucinating! You've really read through a new chapter of Satis! Wow. Hey guys. It's almost April, the cruelest month. I can't believe how fast the months go by. It's so humbling. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support and patience. My new job has really taken a toll on me and I feel uneasy even in this state of employment, and it took a while to muster the time and strength for this update. But while it is late, I poured my soul into this—as usual—so I hope that you enjoyed it and that it has given you a splash of brightness in your day. Have a lovely spring, everyone. I will try to come back as soon as I can.

12. lunacy (2017-06-19)  

Hello! Hello! I hope I find you well on this summer day. I know, I know, I've been terrible. But some things could not be helped, and I had to take the long way to deliver this chapter. Which unofficially marks the unofficial first section of this story. I don't divide them, exactly, but after this chapter we will pick up the pace, so to speak, and get into the nitty-gritty of Integra's situation, find out what's up with the other characters, blow up some skulls, and produce tears—among other things.

I know you have questions, especially concerning the end road this story will take. (Which will take a long time getting to!) This is all I can provide at this point (and some of you will have already read this): I have dropped Hints About The Future Plot. Countless times. Of course, they are never obvious. A word here, a sentence there. You won't know and I've made sure you won't. I don't even think they're worthy to be called hints, they're so insignificant. Nonetheless, they're there. As little, fleeting whimsies.

I think I'll put up a nice little one shot before I upload the next chapter. Thank you always, always for your patience, your interest and your wonderful support.

13. phantom ache (2017-10-31)

Oh, damn, I'm late, I'm late, I'm so late—*looks down at nonexistent wristwatch* *is pointless* *chucks it away*—terribly sorry. And this is far from the longest chapter ever. But it's Halloween, and I had to put this up somehow or I'd be on it after yet another month and sobbing. May this offering appease the spirits, the Great Pumpkin—and you!

Some of you may already know that I have a new job, and while it is much better than my last job, it is very demanding and saps a lot of my free time. I certainly can't promise how long it will be till I can post the next chapter. But it's going to get there, alright? Slowly, but it's getting there. And this chapter may be the most significant yet, but you won't know that till it gets there, will you? *winks* Until next time, darlings!

14. fine art (2019-03-31)

April fools. Because you thought I would not update, but I did!

My take on Alucard and Walter's relationship is that they can be civil, even respectful—as shown in canon—when they want to be or have to be, but at the root of it all Walter is too embittered and Alucard is too careless. Also, I totally think Walter and Arthur were in cahoots concerning Alucard's banishment.

It has been so long, it took me a moment to remember how to upload. For much of the last two years, I was stuck in a job in which I was unwisely investing too much of my sanity, though I have met some of the best people of my life there. Now I have a new job. Not a better one, per se, but one that I can build a more organized schedule around.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for enjoying this fic.

Special thanks to my friends J, T, and A, for being there even when I felt I would never be able to write again.

15. invisible numbers (2019-12-25)

Merry Christmas.

16. ever-immutable (2020-12-31)

If this feels like near the end, it is not. It's about halfway-ish, I expect.

Hello, it is I, the holiday cryptid. Jokes aside though, I am glad that I was able to wrap up this strange year with at least one update.

The ideas are still in my head. The love and anger and spite and sorrow I have for the characters still flow. And I shall endeavor to finish this story, even if it takes years.

Important: I will be undergoing an (unscheduled) re-editing of earlier chapters. Mostly grammatical, some minor word changes perhaps, but none that will change the plot, of course. Actually, I really want to edit out my author's notes, because they clutter the chapters up and are so outdated. If anyone misses them though, I'll move them to my bio. This note will also be relocated come next chapter.

Even when I am away from writing, I always read your comments. I appreciate them deeply, and I hope you will tell me your thoughts. Happy new year, may it be a better one for all of us.

17. event horizon (2020-01-29)

in this house we stan Alucard and Integra and their weird dietary choices

Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. Please know I thrive on your insights and speculations.

Editing of earlier chapters is done for now and author's notes have been moved to the link in my profile. I would fix more but that would be disingenuous. Thank you all for putting up with my five-year-old writing lol.

If you don't mind music suggestions, I recommend Dreamcatcher's "Odd Eye." I was wrapping up the first draft of this chapter when the song was released, and it's scarily relevant. The tone, and the lyrics especially capture the mood I hoped to convey in this chapter. However, the English subtitles on the official mv are pretty disjointed, so you can check out my personal translation of it on my Tumblr.

I hope to see you all again soon.

19. merciful, merciless (2021-03-19)

Spring is a difficult season for me and this came later and shorter than I would desire. I couldn't reply to everyone this time, but please know each and every comment gives me strength. I devour your thoughts and speculations. Thank you as always!

21. meringue (2023-01-24)

~some of my thoughts through the hiatus~

Integra: Alucard don't disappear, Walter don't betray me, Seras let me die a normal death them: sike Integra: ffs

xx

Me: I have the climax, the ending, and even a sequel all ready in my head! smart & sensible people: well u gotta write them down first Me, not smart & sensible: I have to What them What first

xx

if I keep making my otps eat each other's hearts does that count as vore kink

xx

new drinking game: take a shot every "meringue"

and before you ask, yes, I was sorely tempted to title this chapter "meringue" (there was a working title) AND I LOST no, I don't like meringue

xx

Here we are with the beginning of the second half of this adventure! I am very sorry this took so long.

Special thanks to the Fire Emblem Three Houses OST, can't have done this without you

Kidding. Special thanks to everyone who is still reading, still breathing in this fandom, waited, left lovely comments, lovely kudos, believed me when I said I would come back and finish this, even if it takes me another decade.

I shall endeavor to be quicker in the next update.

23. flesh, skin, and bones (2023-05-31) unrelated: guys pls go watch Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D Minor performed by Yunchan Lim in the 2022 Cliburn Competition, i am in tears

24. last transgression (2023-06-28)

cue me updating during a business trip :D

finally! one from the bucket list completed. The Talk with Walter...

Thank you always! I passionately await your thoughts!

xx

alucard: folks is it possible to be in a devoted equivocal relationship but still pining, jealous of your own self that technically doesn't exist but at the same time does(???) and on top of all that your master/countess/wife may have eaten some kind of weird space and time thingy

walter: man this timeline sucks

25. disintegrate (2023-10-24)

Omake ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚

pip: why is the fucking chunnel under construction. do you know how busy i am. you expect me to take a fucking ferry in this situation. rory go steal a chopper what do you mean i'm acting crazy. do you want me to go reverse boomer on you i'm from the future

xx

alucard: i wasn't even late this time and this happened. this is why we can't have nice things

xx

pip: i'm a friend of integra's. seras: integra doesn't have friends. pip: well, shit

xx

walter: did i mention i hate this timeline

26. oceans of time (2023-11-25)

tfw when the future not only destroys your past, it barges in while you're having dinner and dropkicks your head into your soup

one angry knight wrapped in red, delivered! ;*

Would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you always and forever.

27. water’s edge (2024-04-08)

wife: *beheads husband* husband: *calls her all manner of biblical derivatives* wife: whatever, sike *jumps off a castle*

xx

him: be my queen her: I said like a total of ten words to you

xx

you decapitate a man once and he acts like you hold the answers to the universe

xx

the manor is a paid actor

xx xx

Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late. Happy, uh, April and hope to see you next chapter sooner. Please know that every thought you leave I fold into a tiny and perfect star and consume with the rest of my vitamins because they are life-sustaining. Thank you and love you all.

[frcmshadcws]

🍌 - What drew you into the fandom in the first place?

Still Want Fruit…  ||  @voiivode  ||  Meme Capped

🍌 - What drew you into the fandom in the first place?

See, I’ve been in this fandom for a quite a while  &  got into it for a collection of reasons; so there’s actually a lot of explanation behind it at this point  —  story time, yeah?

Let me take you back, all the way to when I was notably younger  &  even more stupid. I had already been through Hell in life by that point, and much of the situations hadn’t come to any real ‘close’ yet. It’s not too long after a messy, complicated, upsetting break up  —  though I struggle to call the situation a “relationship” looking back on it now. I’ve recently ‘ghosted’ my original Tumblr accounts, in the hopes of entirely restarting  &  avoiding some other personal bullshit that had went down. Life is weird.

So my eldest brother hits me up, asks if I wanna go to an anime convention with him  &  spend a couple weeks out of state, at his place, with himself and his girlfriend. Of course I agree; he’s a wonderful guy, he hasn’t been out of the Navy long at this point, and I’ve missed the Hell out of him. Besides, it’ll be my first con! My first time getting a chance to cosplay! That vacation as a whole, is still one of my favorite memories; it’s definitely one of the best ones from that time period in my life, to say the least. But the weekend of the convention, that’s where Hellsing comes into the story.

It’s Thursday night and we are all fucking exhausted, hanging out in the hotel room the night before the con starts. In classic con fashion, we are unprepared  &  my brother’s cosplay isn’t entirely finished. His wig will not cooperate to save our lives. It’s like 2am, we’re hyped up on a collection of con-crunch nerves, not-great hotel coffee, and energy drinks. It’s a wreck, but everyone’s having a blast. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t really be helping much, but like Hell was I going to sleep when there was so much going on. So my brother loads up YouTube on his phone, and tells me to watch this series.

It’s the first few episodes of Hellsing Abridged. From moment one, I was in love with it, and my sleep deprived ass couldn’t stop laughing. My brother’s laying on the floor off to my side, his girlfriend is still trying to figure out what to do about the wig situation, and I’m on the ground - cackling at this damned abridged series. And… for the first time in ages? Everything’s okay, everyone’s happy, and it feels like life might finally be looking up. It was a moment.

After that vacation, when I got back home, I did exactly what you’d expect. I immediately got settled to binge-watch Hellsing Ultimate. And let me tell you, I fell in love with the characters all over again. After that, I immediately watched the Gonzo anime too. I was getting everyone I knew, to watch these series with me; my father’s seen the entirety of them both, twice, because I asked him to.

Between how much I adored the series itself, how hopeful that moment in the hotel had left me, and how many ways that I ended up relating to some of the characters traumas… It wasn’t just an anime that I adored; it was coping, it was finding a silver lining in life, it was finding ‘imaginary friends’ for a traumatized teenager that hadn’t known I needed them.

When all was said and done, I added some Hellsing muses to my multifandom multimuse that I’d been writing on back then. I think my mains were Alucard, Seras, Schrodinger, and the Captain, at the time. From there, I made some damned good friends, and… Well, the rest was history, for a little while.

You would think that this would be where the story ended, but it really isn’t. While this tells the tale of me getting into Hellsing, having Hellsing muses, and being a part of the fandom, it wouldn’t be genuine to say that it’s the end of the story. After all, this was a long while ago, and it doesn’t tell you how I got from there, to here. And let me tell you? There’s a lot more that’s happened, there’s far more reasons for why Hellsing is so close to my heart now, and life was definitely not done going to Hell.

But I do believe that this has answered the actual question: what got me into the fandom originally, that is. It doesn’t explain how I got here now, by any means, but that wasn’t the question  &  this has already gotten pretty extensive.

If anyone wants the rest of the story? Let me know. I’d be more than happy to tell the rest of it, as I think it gives a lot of context to myself  &  how I operate in the fandom. But I don’t wanna spam the dash with a story nobody wants to hear, either.

[lunarcrystal]

The Dreaded WIP List Post

Tagged by @pieck-aboo​, thanks youu~ and happy thanksgiving/ holidays to you!

Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you or interests you and I’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

There is so many WIPS... and I have So little time...  _(:’I 」∠)_ I ‘ll choose the couple that have my attention at the moment- 

Jade and Sapphire - Waver PT. III- WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED BY NOW, BUT UNFORTUNATELY WASN'T SAVED BY WORD DOC BECAUSE the world hates me I guess, so I have to rewrite it... Luckily I already know how it’s going to end, and things get pretty spicy too...

 Red Skies - Chapter 11 - I’m sure some people are impatiently waiting for this one, the next chapter does focus on Eren and Annie, and Sasha again- and now WE GOT KENNY! So it’s bound to be a helluva time!

Jade and Sapphire - Sonder - This fic, this fricken fic. This is written in a first person POV, and it’s Annie’s, so a lot of the times I just gave up on it because I’ve never written in a first person view before, and Annie being the stoic yet still prone to ~feelings~ type of girl that she is, kinda hard to write if I’m doing it in-character. it’s also a fanfic that was inspired by the series Sense8, so yeah, Eren and Annie are connected by their minds, it’s gonna be great- if I ever finish it. 

A Dying Wish - Chapter 5 - Last chapter left off a cliff hanger, and I do mean to deliver the goods for this chapter! Now this is a Canon Divergence Time Skip fic, so, I still have to gather all the new info Isayama has given us since the Marley Arc arc and twist it into my own version. Which is why this is taking some time, complied with me being busy with school etc etc.

Un-named Hellsing Fanfic - Because I had recently binged Hellsing Ultimate and read a bangin’ Alucard/ integra fanfic that left my mind spinning, so now I just have to write at least one thing for this series, and for this dysfunctional pair I just don’t know what yet.

Enjoy the Silence - Eren/ Annie AU Fic - I found this one a week ago, It’s supposed to be a Pulp Fiction Esq au, or like a Hitmen au? I don’t know, It starts off pretty good, but I’m kinda scratching my head on how to go about the plot.

Baby Wolf - A Modern AU fic, An Eren-centic fic where he’s a single father taking care of his little daughter, Faye Jaeger. it’s ereannie, I’m sure, but then I also found this one like.. a week ago, I am not an organized person when it comes to documents. lmao

I’m pretty sure every writer whom I’ve read from has been tagged by now buuut- @ginecra​ , @dorminchu​ , @arokitty​ , @wee-a-trash​ , @anileonhdt​ , @ohgodwhy151​ - if you fellas want to share your WIPs! 

[waffliesinyoface]

Tagged by: no one, but I saw it and I was bored so I’m doin’ it

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. No, that’s dumb, not gonna do it.. 

Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke. (With some sprite and fanta or lemonade mixed in) Has a different taste than regular coke. But I don’t drink soda much anyways.

Disney or Dreamworks: I’m largely apathetic about which company made the movie. Both have good and bad.

Coffee or tea: I mainly drink coffee! But like. Not actual coffee. More “this is an excuse to drink milk and creamer and sugar” than coffee coffee. (The actual portion of my coffee that is coffee is around half) I also like chai tea. With a bit of milk in it.

Books or movies: Books. Usually fanfiction nowadays. 

Mac or Windows: Windows. No real personal reason, but I’ve heard that macs are “about as upgradeable as a pie.”

DC or Marvel: I could not really give much of a crap. Never got into comics! I like some of the Marvel movies (Iron Man 1, most notably) but they’ve become all same-y and boring and I don’t care for their whole “the continuity of this is #1 of this series A, then #2 of series B, then our netflix show, then this other unrelated one, then #2 of series A, etc.” (yes, this is me bitching about avengers 2, if ya couldn’t tell.)

Xbox or PlayStation: I originally got an Xbox 360 for Halo. ...but that’s literally the only exclusive I cared about. And I don’t care enough about Halo 5 to get an Xbone. Playstation’s got a lot more exclusives I actually give a damn about.

Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Tried to play dragon age, never got into it. Kinda boring. I played the ME trilogy, but never finished 3, because A: 3 felt like a step down from 2, B: a mission breaking glitch happened, and C: I got bored. Bioware not doin’ a real good job of keeping my interest.

Night owl or early riser: I like night time more than day time, but I try to keep my sleep schedule from 12am-8am. However, my job occasionally requires me to wake up before 4 in the friggin’ morning.

Cards or chess: Only card game I play is CAH. I used to play chess all the time though. Played it against my therapist back in high-school. We were pretty much an even match for each other.

Chocolate or vanilla: Depends on the thing. I like French Vanilla Pudding, but Dark Chocolate Ice Cream.

Star Wars or Star Trek: eehh. Been meaning to watch the Star Wars movies, but the only “unaltered” versions are VHS quality. Likewise never got much into Star Trek. I like the setting, but I prefer games to movies when it comes to SciFi stuff.

One episode per week or binge-watching: I’ll usually watch a couple episodes in a day, but won’t watch something all at once. Usually wait for the whole thing to be done before I start.

Studio Ghibli or Makoto Shinkai?: I’m only familiar with one of those names, and that name is Ghibli.

Heroes or Villains?: Both, as long as they’re relateable or well written.

Notebook or on PC typing?: ...is this for like... notes? I’m assuming it is, even though some computers are called “notebooks” (fuckin’ apple, come up with an original name, dammit.). Either way, I’m real bad at actually taking notes. Do better when physically writing them though.

The X-Files or Supernatural?: Buddy. Pal. Between this and others, you are confusing me for someone who actually watches TV way more than they do. I’ve not watched either. But I do like the X files opening. Is spooky.

Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter?: Harry Potter. (Even though I spend more time in the fanfiction realm nowadays)

Sci-Fi or fantasy?: Fantasy, despite my opinions on DA vs ME above.

Vampires or werewolves?: Vampires are cool. I like both the cute variety (Touhou, Demi-chan wa kataritai, etc) and the “Eldritch Abomination” variety (Hellsing Ultimate). Werewolves... eeeh.

Romeo and Juliet or Hamlet?: Don’t particularly have an opinion on either, because they were covered in school, and school can make even possibly interesting things boring. I am annoyed about the sheer number of times Romeo and Juliet keeps getting re-made, though.

Disneyland or Disney World?: I went to one of these when I was real young. Like, still-in-a-stroller-at-times young. It was the one with Epcot, though, which I THINK is Disney World? Anyways. Haven’t gone since then. IIRC, Disneyland is more “rides” while Disney World is more “cultures of the world,” and the latter sounds more interesting. Six Flags beats out Disneyland when it comes to rides as it is.

Favorite Hamilton song?: Do I look like the sort of person who’s got the ability to go to a Broadway play. Do I really.

Mermaid aus or College aus?: I don’t read fanfiction like that at all, actually! Give me time travel, give me weird cross-overs, give me For Want of a Nail, give me something with an actual plot.

Glitter or confetti?: Confetti.

McDonald’s or Burger King?: McDonalds is decent if you’re on a roadtrip or w/e. I mainly get the McGriddle, because it’s the only thing they make that’s not done better anywhere else. Burger King... no. I can smell the grease a block away. I’ve eaten there once within the past decade, and it’s because there literally were no other options.

Warriors or Seekers series?: These words mean nothing to me.

Jelly or Jam?: Jam. But really, preserves are best. Jelly is just... too homogeneous.

Favorite recent anime (within the past year): New Game! was especially cute. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon maid is also super cute, but I still need to catch up on that, whoops.

 As for who to tag.. you! Yes, you who are reading this. Consider yourself tagged, if you want to be tagged. If you don’t want to be tagged, consider yourself not tagged. There we go. (though if you do do it feel free to @ me so I can see because hey why not)