#bless wanek

[samsexualdeancurious]

Separate Showers

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Words: 996

Summary: A little post-hunt recovery

Warnings: Ambiguous Reader gender, non-sexual nudity, the bunker's shower room (thank god for Jerry Wanek's set photos lol), fluff

A/N: Just a dumb lil thing I wrote to get it out of my brain.

---

To say today was a long one would be an understatement. It feels like an eternity before you’re finally making your way down the bunker steps ahead of the Winchesters. You feel gross from the long drive. You might enjoy a road trip but even you have a limit and you definitely reached it sometime during these last few hunts.

“I need a fucking shower,” you complain.

“I think we all need a shower.” Dean’s right behind you on the steps, stinking like road sweat. You wrinkle your nose and he gives your shoulder a little shove. “Shut up. Like you’re any better.”

That’s true. The Impala’s AC went out just into Kansas and the last few hours of the drive were absolutely miserable as a result, even with all four windows rolled down. You don’t want to even think about how you might smell.

Sam is quiet as he follows you back to your bedroom. It’s clear your big-brained boyfriend is feeling more than a little overwhelmed and exhausted. He needs some non-diner food, some quiet time, and maybe a nap. Or a run. Knowing Sam, probably a run.

“Separate showers?” you suggest and Sam’s hazel eyes are grateful as he nods. “All right. I’ll meet you back here.”

It took you a little while to get used to the gym shower set-up the bunker has. Even now, you have a strong preference for the stall furthest from the door so the boys won’t walk past you on their way to their own shower. Not like it’s anything Sam hasn’t seen before but there are no shower curtains! It’s the principle of the thing.

Awkward set-up aside, the bunker showers are downright magical. Probably literally magical, knowing the Men of Letters. The hot water never seems to run out, either, which is fantastic. You take your time scrubbing all the sweat and dirt from the road from your body and then waste a little more time just enjoying the steady pounding of water on your shoulders and neck.

When you do finally step out of the showers, the boys are in their own stalls. Sam’s clothes are in a pile on the floor outside the stall right next to yours and as you stop to gather them up along with your own, you can resist peeking in.

“Hi,” Sam says with a soft smile, pushing his hair out of his face.

You can’t help a grin as you lean against the dividing wall, taking in the sight of him. The way the water highlights every perfect curve and point of his body as he tips his head back to get his hair fully under the spray. “Hey, gorgeous.”

“Don’t you dare have shower sex right now,” Dean calls from a couple of stalls down and you can’t hold back a laugh.

Sam shoots you a smirk and leans out of the spray to kiss you softly. While he might look absolutely amazing, especially naked and wet like this, neither of you is really in the mood to do anything even if Dean wasn’t in the room.

“Don’t worry, you’re delicate ears are safe,” you tease as you shoot Sam one last little smile and begin making your way from the room. You don’t look but you’d bet money that Dean flips you the bird as you go by.

You’re sitting on the end of the bed, having completed your post-shower routine, when Sam comes into the room. He’s dressed in just an old pair of lounge pants and the sight of him padding barefoot into the room warms you to your core.

“Feeling a bit better?” you ask as he rubs at his hair with a towel.

He nods, wiping water droplets from his forehead. His eyes are on the item in your hand. You smile and hold the hairbrush out in offering.

“Want me to?”

“Hell yeah,” Sam sighs and you laugh softly.

“Well, c’mere then.”

Sam tosses his towel in the hamper and lowers himself to sit on the floor between your feet, back against the side of the mattress. His hair doesn’t really need to be brushed like this. The man was blessed with magic hair that just needs fingers combed through it after a shower or in the morning to look perfect. It’s really not fair. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy the process of it, though.

You work methodically, taking your time as you start with his ends and make your way up. Sam is practically melting under your hands. When you’re done with the brush, you set it aside and begin gently massaging his scalp. Sam moans softly. His head tips forward and you move your ministrations to his neck and shoulders. In no time, he’s leaning heavy and sleepy against your knee.

“Sa-am,” you murmur, leaning down to press a kiss to his temple. “C’mon. Up.”

He grumbles but allows you to guide him up onto the bed. Once he’s snuggled up against you, head resting on your chest, he’s out in seconds. It’s only early afternoon but you don’t mind holding him while he naps. Not when he snuffles softly and nuzzles against your T-shirt.

A soft knock on the doorframe draws your attention from Sam’s relaxed face to the open doorway where Dean’s standing. He’s dressed completely in his usual jeans and layers but his hair is still damp from his shower, sticking up all over like it does in the mornings before he’s gotten around to style it. You give a little wave.

“He sleeping?” Dean asks, careful to keep his voice low.

You nod.

“All right. I’m going to get started on dinner in a bit. Think he’d be up for something light? I’m thinking some soup and grilled cheese.”

That sounds delicious. Hopefully, Sam will agree. You nod again and Dean shoots you a thumbs up, flipping off the lights and closing the door as he leaves you to watch over Sam’s nap.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e3 soul survivor (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

(i feel like eugenie and brad episodes have been on the better side of things generally? that's why i tag the writers in the post so i can theoretically go back and get a ~feel~ for how i felt in an organized fashion esp since i can't remember episodes names/numbers for shit)

priest blessing?? whatever the blood to de-demon dean also inexplicably has an accent

dean, i'm begging you, please bring your voice back up a smidge. also i really thought the demon arc was longer! probably because fic is fleshing out all that potential they left hanging

oh, jackles directed this one. he shoulda given himself notes that he's... coming across very forced in this little chat in the chair. :S

oh, sam. padalecki's been coming through on the worn down and emotional

DEAN Sam, I know you think you’re gonna try and fix me, but … did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want to be fixed? Just let me go live my life. I won’t bother you. What do you care? SAM What do I care? DEAN You think I’m just gonna sit here like Crowley? Getting all weepy while you shoot me up? Well, screw that. I don’t want this! SAM Yeah, I pretty much figured that out

dean's turn with the soulless(ish) desire to stay as such

speaking of forced, this weird romantic-ish tension they're trying to do with hannah and castiel is weird

margiekugel's got a neon sign and everything, fancy

wiki

Margiekugel is a beer from Wisconsin created for the show that is named after Production Designer Jerry Wanek's mom (see Leinenkugel).

okay so i thought the whole deal for the dude's wife/crowley wanting dean to do it was strange, well. okay, sam. but we know scruples go out the window when dean needs saving

cracked me up. lurking in the bushes yelling out a correction. also, jared, i can see your gum, dude -_-

i'm kinda seething along with sam because like yeah dean's trying and probably succeeding at getting under sam's skin but he's also saying stuff that isn't true and you know what a fucking uptight ass i am about things like that :p

DEAN Let me ask you this, Sammy: If this doesn’t work, we both know what you got to do to me, right? You got the stomach for that, Sam?!

or we could shaun of the dead the situation

LOL i was wondering if there was a throne. also, i paused twice because i thought the background hell-wailing in the show was one of my kids upstairs crying for me 🥴 almost a third time but i stopped myself

CROWLEY I was thinking of better days. DEMON Yes—your sabbatical. CROWLEY My what? DEMON Uh, we were worried, of course. Your misadventure with the older Winchester was quite the topic of speculation. Uh, if you’ll forgive my boldness… I could now be your wingman.

i'm just. having a hard time believing crowley was really that starry eyed over demon!dean? he's a permanent flirt but also very practical and not exactly sentimental. oh, is he still doing the human blood thing? i haven't really wrapped that into my little character model in my head for him :p

forced to have a semi-scenic stop and chat

this is so strange. he's not interested, she's making good points but then gets all grabby and close like she's gonna go in for a kiss or something

DEAN You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!

very effective at pushing every sore spot and insecurity. sadly didn't get much feeling out of me other than stress on sam's behalf. i fear they've broken some of my emotional attachment to the show somehow

DEAN You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit. SAM No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!

only way to quit is to die. but even then it's probably not gonna work

self immolating demon, ok. that seems very specifically not demon like, in the slightest???

CASTIEL Just … I’ve been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur. HANNAH “Distractions.” CASTIEL Emotions, feelings … They’re dangerous temptations.

and they're going to try to help save dean because... nothing to do with emotions or feelings on castiel's part? what. just because you're not interested, don't go blaming it on having ~distracting emotions~

is it time for hannah to die? is she gonna... reup castiel's grace?

sink

how old is that pie??? ew.

it's the mushy familiar music again, but this time... strings? so we've had piano twice (that i noticed), some horn-ish thing and now like.. cello?

i do appreciate that we have more pictures, with bobby and the boys as grownups together too. and it's sweet that they can just use s1 happy behind the scenes type pictures and make it sam and dean

oh, crowley can steal some grace so we don't have to have a moral crisis

mhmm

(mushy music came back briefly during the chat through the door before dean broke it down)

so i did know about the hammer via fic. jackles seemed to be having fun being on his little merry violent hunt. made think (the little i know) of his character in the boys

ok

CASTIEL Well… I see his point. You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain. This is easier.

(mushy music AGAIN [piano variation] at the end of dean and cas's conversation)

DEAN What did Sam say? Does he want a divorce?

very normal joke (??) to make about your brother, especially when you basically had a handfasting ceremony in a church along with the other 10 years of things like that. but we're the josie grossies for shipping it. uh huh

CASTIEL I’m sure Sam knows that whatever you said or what you did, it wasn’t really you. It certainly wasn’t all you. DEAN I tried to kill him, Cas. CASTIEL Dean. You two have been through so much. Look, you’re brothers. It’d take a lot more than trying to kill Sam with a hammer to make him want to walk away. DEAN You realize how screwed up our lives are that that even makes sense?

that "you're brothers" feels tacked on to make it seem less weird

DEAN I’m glad you’re here, man. CASTIEL Hey, maybe you should um … take some time before you get back to work. Allow yourself to heal. It’s, uh … I don’t know. The timing might be right. Heaven and Hell—they seem reasonably back in order. It’s quiet out there.

does that means it's time to trigger another apocalypse? surely need at least 3 running subplots as well. i have no idea actually, i avoid too plot specific stuff of the later seasons in fic these days so i'm not sure what's on deck

they could have milked demon!dean for more in a lot more fun ways (which i surely would have complained about, "don't tempt sam with demon blood 😭") for longer, remain surprised how quick they wrapped it up. they dragged out lying about stabbing jewel staite for HOW MANY EPISODES???? lol

[neven-ebrez]

Wayward Cocktails Snippets

Jerry talked a bit about the recently made Hell sets and how Hell is going to look a bit different. He talked about Easter eggs to different things on a meta level so I asked him how fun it was to put all those roosters (COCKS) into the episode (14x06) that Rich directed and he said he liked to really go all out when they have someone like Rich with such a good sense of humor and that Jensen played everything very funny in that episode and that Alex was great, too.

Jerry doesn’t know the ending. He didn’t seem to mind or particularly want to know until it’s time but that’s just my read on him talking. Anyway I have video and so I’ll try to upload it when I’m back home. ❤️

[shirtlesssammy]

15x10: The Heroes’ Journey

Then:

Heroes

Now:

Monster Fight Club! RAWR. In one corner we have wolf-man and in the other, we have wraith-woman. I felt like I was watching a Sci-fi channel show or another show on the CW with this opening scene. I have to give it up to the music and cinema of the sequence though. It’s quite lovely, even as the wolf-man gets stabbed to (near) death.

Meanwhile, in tiny Lebanon, Kansas, Dean’s picking up essentials (plus pie magazines) at his local Kwik Trip. 

I have many things to say about this. First, who knew Lebanon had such tall buildings in it? And I’ve read many a comment about Bobo getting his name on something, and while YES, that’s technically true, this Kwik Trip (a real regional chain of gas stations/convenience stores in Wisconsin) is also named after the comedian behind The Manitowoc Minute, Charlie Berens. The Open sign missing the ‘n’ is a reference to it as well. Bless Jerry Wanek and his love for his home state. Anyway, Dean’s credit card is declined, his fight or flight instinct kicks in when faced with the store attendant's psoriasis, he gets a toothache, AND he gets a parking ticket. 

Sam Fucking I Don’t Need Hotpads Winchester royally messes up dinner by burning the food, dropping the pasta all over the food, and breaking all the plates. 

The weirdness continues once Dean gets home. Sam trips when running to greet him and he’s getting a cold.

Dean gets a call from Garth who needs some help. On the road, they discuss their Very Bad Day. Dean thinks they’re cursed. Sam’s too busy sneezing to contribute. I’m surprised Dean didn’t make him sit in the backseat. (Did Dean seem sarcastically unhappy about Cas seeking out angel help? #missinghusbandhour). Then the ultimate travesty happens: Baby breaks down. 

They have to walk the last ten miles to Garth’s. When they make it, he welcomes them with open arms (Sam declines the hug but Dean gets one and a compliment -- “You smell so good.”)

Garth was previously feeding his twin baby boys, and he takes them to meet his children. He has a daughter, Gertie, and twin boys, Sam (named after Sam) and...Castiel. Dean is confused and disappointed. I love how there’s no explanation as to why Dean didn’t get a namesake. Natasha wrote a thing though. 

Garth then takes them to see why he called. Bess’s cousin is unconscious on Gertie’s bed. He has wraith cuts all over his body. 

Dean, the candy eating monster that he is, nabs some candy beans from Gertie’s dresser and Garth notices his pained reaction to eating them. Dean makes note of how nice Garth’s home and life are. (SOFT) Sam sneezes again and Bess tells him she has something to help. 

Beth hands Sam her family concoction for helping the common cold. Sam downs it in one go --and instantly has regrets. It’s mostly cayenne pepper. Wherps. Sidenote: Gertie’s little wolf stuffy. All the hearts! 

Poor Sam really goes through something --and it is a sight to see. Little Sam and Little Cas are sympathy crying with him and he tries to reassure them that “Big Sam’s okay.” He’s really not. 

Garth asks about Dean’s teeth and Dean confesses they’ve hurt since the previous day.

Garth takes Dean to his basement dentist office. It seems he finished getting his dental degree and is now a dentist for other werewolves. “Fang maintenance is a B.” He assesses Dean’s mouth and finds 17 cavities! 

He rolls out the nitrous oxide and gets to work. We get to stay with Dean though, AND GOOD FUCKING CHUCK ON A CRACKER. 

I can’t explain what I witnessed with my own two eyes. I really, really can’t. @neven-ebrez​ had a great thread on Twitter that I fully love. 

In any event, Dean tap dances to Cole Porter’s Let’s Misbehave. Garth starts showing him the ropes, but then he takes over on his own and starts dancing with a light stick LAMP. He blows a kiss at the lamp and ascends a stairway to heaven the top of the map table and finishes his dance. They dedicated almost 2 minutes to this scene. I --I just. can’t. Also, Dean going for the lamp is timed to line up with the “lovebirds” lyric? I’m so very tired. 

Anyway, Dean comes to with a mouth full of gauze, and presumably no cavities. 

Everyone reconvenes in the Fitzgerald’s living room. Garth wants to know what’s happening. Sam tells him that they’re kind of on the outs with God. Garth realizes that they’ve been the heroes of Chuck’s stories, and wonders, “what’s that make me? A supporting character? A special guest star?” Garth's happy being the guest star. Being the hero is the worst. Their lives are going to suck until the end. Also, little vanilla couple Garth and Bess apparently love 50 Shades. Lol. Garth points out that the hero never sweats the small stuff because that stuff ruins the story. They’re normal now. (Dean suggests cursed, which, like, lol bud, normal people's lives just suck.) 

Bess’s cousin calls for her and they all rush to his side. He doesn’t want to talk to hunters. Sam turns on the ol’ puppy dog eyes and….it does nothing. In fact, Brad can hardly believe that that shtick works at all. Ooof. Bummer, Sammy. Bess digs into the wraith wound to get some answers. And ugh. That was squishy grossness. Brad starts talking about the monster fights though. He tells them where to find the place. 

The Winchesters bid Garth farewell. Garth is VERY WORRIED about them. “The old Sam and Dean” could handle a whole warehouse of monsters but the Supernormally Normal boys don’t stand a chance. Dean’s resolute. Fighting monsters, righting wrongs? That’s just who they are. Dean implores Garth to stay home with his wife and kids, and the Winchesters head off. 

They arrive at midday outside the arena. Dean polishes off his SEVENTH grilled cheese sandwich and they gather weaponry to storm the place. Sam’s concerned that Garth’s theory that the Winchesters are normal is correct, and they need to take precautions. They gather extra ammo, dead man’s blood, and Dean pulls out his beloved precious weapon.

Upon entering, Sam immediately trips noisily over a bucket and Dean’s grilled cheese extravaganza decides to throw a party right back into his mouth. Dean races for a bathroom, leaving Sam to peruse the room holding the main fight cage. 

While Dean is throwing up in the toilet, I desperately try to pretend this isn’t happening. I’m FINE with entrails but upchuck is a hard no, apparently. The bathroom stall opens and one of the monsters from the cold open’s fight night stands there, training Dean’s grenade launcher on him.

Sam and Dean end up locked in the cage-match cage (not to be confused with the CAGE cage). The monster, Cutty, owns the fight club. “Man? Monster? They’re at their best, their most pure, in the heat of competition.” Pardon me while I fake cough “Purgatory” for twenty-five minutes. 

Cutty introduces them to their new friend, Maul, a huge monster who grimaces gloomily and flexes his muscles. He wants the Winchesters to fight Maul (together) in the cage match that evening. 

Dean tries to tell a story to get out of the situation and I HAVE NEVER BEEN PROUDER. He draws on their legends - the mighty creatures they’ve taken down - and questions whether any MERE monster should even think about trying to attack them. Nobody’s buying what he’s selling. 

A short commercial for the upcoming cage match plays. It’s….

AMAZING

All the monsters are gathered around, ready to watch the two mighty cage matches. KILLER WRAITH versus JAMAICA DJINN and MIGHTY MAUL versus THE WINCHESTERS!!!

It’s battle royale time, motherfuckers. When the first fight begins, Dean and Sam are locked up in cells just outside of the ring. “Just how I wanted to die,” Dean grouses. “With a freakin’ audience.” We shall not speak of the 200+ times we have witnessed Dean die on this show. 

Dean pulls a nail from the ceiling and proceeds to try to pick the lock. He…fails. Miserably. Sam gives it a try on his lock and neither of them can pick it. 

“Could we ever actually pick locks?” Sam asks, frustrated. I’m with others in guessing that both their natural and learned skills have been hugely demoted through Chuck’s interference and this downturn won’t last. But this is a great way to make them doubt themselves. This is the black moment in the hero’s journey - at least for this episode. They’ve never doubted themselves more! Dean delivers a stirring speech anyway. “We’re the best in the world. I say we go out there. We kick some ass.”

Cutty returns to fetch the Winchesters. “Shirts off,” he demands on the way. EYEBALLS EMOJI. But Sam and Dean are gone, the cage doors wide open! The episode rewinds, this time with another point of view. Who’s that lanky man in the floppy-eared hat walking through the crowd? It’s everyone’s favorite werewolf hero, that’s who. Garth frees them by just…BUSTING off the lock.

Outside, Sam and Dean are ready to flee. But Garth has other plans. He whips out a detonator and we get a quick clip show of Garth planting C4 around the club. The club is DECIMATED by fire. Maul survives, however, and strides out of the burning building. Garth goes up against him, but Maul knocks him out. Sam and Dean stand and face Maul, despite their low, low expectations of themselves. Like real damn heroes!

What follows is a HIGHLY comical fight. Sam and Dean do their absolute, precious best, but fortunately the fight seems to be operating on some modified Looney Toons rules. 

Garth saves them with a machete through Maul’s head. “You got Garthed!”

Back at Garth’s home, Dean and Sam cradle the babies. “This Cas keeps looking at me weird,” Dean notes. “So kinda like the real Cas,” Sam says. OH SAM. OH SHOW. How we are blessed!

They head out, Dean clutching a bag of grilled cheese sandwiches from Bess. Sam and Dean thank Garth for saving them and call him a hero. Excuse me while I CRY FOR FIVE MINUTES this is so soft. “I guess I learned from the best,” Garth returns. Garth gives them a tip - a place in Alaska where you can go when your luck’s run bad. “There’s always a catch,” Garth warns. 

They hug!

“You don’t smell so bad yourself,” Dean notes when he hugs Garth. “It’s Hai Karate,” Garth says. Guys. I love them. 

Werewolves of London plays us out. Garth and Bess dance together through the window as the Winchesters get into the Impala. It’s. So. Precious. And. Warm. 

“I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be,” Dean muses. Sam admits that Dean’s good at the Macarena. Ah, yes. My generation!

Dean and Sam reflect on their situation. Their lives are far from normal, so being “normal” is dangerous by its very nature. They need as many advantages as possible, so it’s time for a road trip to Alaska!

The music mounts dramatically! Triumphantly! It’s time to ride into the sunset!

Baby sputters out. “Son of a bitch!” Dean shouts as the screen fades to black.

Natasha: I can tell you IMMEDIATELY and WITHOUT RESERVATION that this episode is going to be on my short list of comfort rewatches for all eternity. <3

Werewolves of Quotedom:

Seriously?

Still a hugger, huh?

You smell so good!

You’re very strong

Fang maintenance is a B

Mommy, the giant’s crying!

I wanna be the guest star. Being the hero sucks.

You need a colonoscopy STAT

Just because God yanked the magic horseshoe out of our ass, doesn’t mean we’re gonna give up

I’m a growing boy!

I think you might be lactose intolerant now

You keep all your friends in a cage?

You know them. You don’t like them. The WINCHESTERS

You are SO STRONG

C4, a hunter’s best friend

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[deanandishareamoreprofoundbond]

Last night’s episode was so amazing. I knew I already loved Steve Yockey, but now he has completely won me over. He is a great writer and he can stay. I wanted to talk about that song choice at the end of the episode. (I wonder if it was all his writing, or how much TPTB were involved in choosing it? Either way, it’s just an A+ choice in my book.)

The song is Steppenwolf’s “It’s Never Too Late”. I turned on the subtitles, and got some crappy screenshots for you guys. It’s about 40% gayer now. Oooh boy. Here goes:

The song starts playing right after Dean has shared his feelings (what is that character development?! I am LIVING) - “I just need a damn win.” Poor baby :’(

As the boys drive down the road the lyrics are timed so well. This is not a mistake. Thirteen seasons in, the writers/editors/directors know exactly what they are doing.

“You say you’ve only got one life to life. And when you’re dead you’re gone.”

Dean just died. Again. (Just another Tuesday for him.) The lyrics speak to that, and also fit the theme of death running throughout this episode and this season. But that last line also echoes back to the paradox that a Winchester never really stays dead. And what is Castiel? He is a Winchester.  He is family. They boys have said as much in past episodes. So the rules of death don’t apply to him either.

When Dean’s phone rings we don’t get to hear the caller, but we do get this line:

“You left us alone.”

Who left them alone recently? Mom and Cas, as Dean keeps reminding us.

And then we LITERALLY GET A LIGHT SHINING ON DEAN’S FACE WHEN HE REALIZES WHO IT IS. THIS SHOW ISN’T EVEN SUBTEXT ANYMORE WHAT EVEN?!

I also wanted to call out this beautiful imagery as the boys drive down the alley. Further proof of who the call was from.

  I love Jerry Wanek with my entire gay ass.

“Tell me who’s to say after all is done, and you’re finally gone, you won’t be back again.”

I mean...Do I even need to expand on that? What a great line. To me it sounds hopeful. And the lyrics point to someone singing this line to another person - not to or about themselves. (Dean singing praying to Cas? Maybe...)

And then we get this beautiful cut to Castiel:

“It’s never too late to start all over again.”

Castiel is alive. He has escaped death again, like the Winchester he is. He has another chance to be with the ones he loves.

And who does the camera cut to?

Dean. Always Dean. 100% Dean. Forever Dean.

And that line is repeated as we see this shot of Dean. “It’s never too late to start all over again.”

It’s important that the line was repeated for both Cas AND Dean’s reactions. Cas and Dean have both ignored their feelings for each other over the years. Neither one brave enough to make the first move. Both of them afraid to face the pain of possibly being rejected, or facing their own feelings of low self-worth - that they don’t deserve the love they both so desperately want.

But now we are being shown that this is a new opportunity for them to be open and honest with each other about how they feel. They are finally coming together to be on the same page about their relationship, and what it means to both of them. They were both resurrected (within days? hours? idk timeline is hazy) to be with each other again.  It’s not too late for them. They are both alive. Their story isn’t over yet. This is their chance to finally come together! (heh) 

The final shot of the episode, the raw emotion on Cas’ face when he sees Dean... He’s so glad to see Dean again he almost cannot believe it is actually happening. Wow. Fucking punch me in the face it would hurt less.

Side note: The last shots of the episode do not include Sam. They could have given us a two-shot of both brothers standing by the Impala seeing Cas again - but they didn’t. This is a moment just for Cas and Dean. Now of course, Castiel considers both brothers to be his family. He loves both of them. But he loves each of them differently. The Show has been telling us this since season 4. It has been used as a joke at times, or it was merely hinted at. But now it is fully out in the open for even the casual viewer to see. This is how you develop a relationship. This is how you show that what we’re watching is a true love story.

IF THIS IS WHAT WE CAN EXPECT FROM SEASON 13 THEN HOLY CHUCK WE ARE ALL BLESSED AND I COULDN‘T BE MORE EXCITED

Tagging a few blogs who might enjoy this, under the cut

@xylodemon @sketchydean @wayward-inspirations @unicorncastiel @godshipsit @magicalmess93 @50shadesofsubtext @ozonecologne @zerostumbleine33 @almaasi

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Implanted Islets: From the POV of a Longtime Type 1

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/implanted-islets-from-the-pov-of-a-longtime-type-1/

Implanted Islets: From the POV of a Longtime Type 1

We shared the news early this year about the exciting work happening at City of Hope, after the Wanek Family in Wisconsin donated millions to diabetes cure research at the California facility. Today, we're excited to hear a first-hand POV from a longtime type 1 who's gone through the transplantation procedure himself. That D-peep is Roger D. Sparks, who writes about his experiences at Pancreatic Islet Transplant blog.

We're happy to feature this guest interview with Roger today, conducted by Joanne Milo in California, an active advocate in the Diabetes Online Community (DOC), and close associate of our team here at the 'Mine.

A Transplant Patient Q&A by Joanne Laufer Milo

I've had the privilege of befriending Roger Sparks, and I find him to be a very interesting, sharing, courageous man and still, as he considers himself, a type 1 diabetic.

On Jan. 1, 2016, Roger had his first pancreatic islet cell transplant at the City of Hope in Duarte, CA (near Los Angeles), in a clinical trial phase that uses new immunosuppression drugs and treatments in an attempt to prolong the life of the transplant, perhaps as long as 20 years! The surgery lasted about 1-1/2 hours, with Roger awake, only under a mild sedative. (I think I'd opt for a heavy sedative.) After 5 days post-op in ICU, he was sent home with meds, supplies, and log sheets. He was still taking insulin but WAY less than before the transplant. After 75 days, his A1C was 5.2%.

A second transplant five and a half months later made him insulin-FREE! No low blood sugars! No high blood sugars (no matter what he eats)! And his latest A1C is 5.4%!

I had the opportunity to sit down, over lunch (he ate a cheese omelet, no toast) and chat. I had bunches of questions, mostly about the emotional impact of his new life and his decision to take the risk of receiving the pancreatic islet transplant.

JM) Can you tell me a little about your journey with diabetes, please?

RS) I was diagnosed at age 32 in 1981. My treatments included injections - NPH and Regular - for four years, NovoPens for five years, then the Medtronic insulin pump – multiple versions over the years. I used Apidra insulin (covered under my insurance) for the last few years with the pump.

When did your hypoglycemia unawareness become significant?

I began losing awareness about 15 years ago and lost it totally about a decade ago.

Why didn’t you try CGM (continuous glucose monitoring)?

I did about nine years ago -- a Medtronic CGM. I found it so inaccurate, and so difficult to insert and keep in place (I was an active tennis player and golfer), that I gave up on it. When Dexcom started to be used, my insurance company did not initially accept it, and I couldn’t afford to pay for it. When I reached Medicare age, three years ago, of course they wouldn’t approve it. My timing couldn’t have been more off. It was also an issue for me in general due to my sports activity. I could deal with one device but two was more of a problem.

What was your defining moment when you said, 'AHA, I’m going for the transplant?'

My insulin requirements, due to insulin resistance, had grown to over 50 units a day, and I was increasingly brittle. I was having several hypoglycemic episodes a week, with 3-4 severe ones every month, where paramedics were required. In the two years before, I had two bad car accidents caused by a low – I was just very lucky that no one else was involved.

I had one low which resulted in convulsions at a friend’s house and they were terrified. In short, my life, which had always had a lot of diabetic implications, was getting significantly worse, and diabetes was starting to dominate it more every day. I was about 35 pounds overweight because of insulin resistance, even though I was on a very controlled diet where I ate very little, and exercised every day. I took blood sugar readings 12 times a day, yet still I could not control the lows -- and they were getting worse.

I came to the conclusion that I was going to die from one of these lows if I didn’t do something. I also felt that I wanted to be part of something that was working towards a cure, so at least my diabetic life would have some additional meaning in the fight for a cure.

I had been following all the clinical trials, particularly those that were Edmonton-related, and came to the conclusion that the one at the City of Hope offered both the most short-term promise for me and for an eventual cure for everyone.

This video, by Dr. Kandeel at the City of Hope, tipped me over the edge:

Do you have any regrets about undergoing the procedure?

None.

Why do you still consider yourself a T1? Do you feel like you are straddling two worlds?

That’s a really good question and one that I think about a lot. I do still consider myself a T1 because so much of my life involves T1. I write, speak, and meet regularly with T1s wanting to know about my transplant and how I am doing. I feel like these talks bring light and hope into the daily lives of T1s struggling with complications – if it can work for me, it can work for them, and a cure is coming.

I also feel a responsibility to correct the misconceptions about immunosuppression and its effect on one’s life. Everyone worries about it, but believe me, I don’t.

So, in short, I feel I am and will always be a T1. It continues to lead me down many good and rewarding paths.

Do you have any nightmares or fears since your transplants?

I have a recurring fear – irrationally – of a blood sugar out of normal range. I still test multiple times a day as a condition of the trial, and I never do it without thinking, “Will this be the time that rejection starts?” But I haven’t had a low less than 80 or a high greater than 145 since the first transplant. If this fear lasts, it’s not a problem.

Also, I have to be careful of skin cancer, since immunosuppression does make me much more susceptible to squamous cell carcinoma. But I was already careful, so it’s no big issue for me.

Besides being freed up from carb-counting, etc, were there any pleasant surprises?

My life changed completely, in three primary ways:

I was never obese, but increased insulin dosing due to insulin resistance had caused me to gain a little weight each year, so at 6’3” I weighed 235 pounds. I lost 40 pounds in the two months after my first transplant, changing nothing in my diet. I’ve kept if off, and have never felt more fit in my life.

My mental outlook also changed dramatically. I had resigned myself to severe hypoglycemia being a part of my life. These recurring events had affected my marriage – I was divorced 8 years ago – and I did not want to get involved seriously again because of them. I am now looking forward to sharing a long and happy remainder of my life with someone.

I’ve also just assumed a new position as president of a non-profit foundation called Skin Cancer Free, raising funds for early detection programs in the fight against melanoma and other skin cancers. It will fully occupy the next few years of my life, and I would never have known about it, or considered it, without the experience of my clinical trial. I now know for certain that studies and trials save lives and conquer disease. I am now forever part of the fight, both with my transplant and the work in fighting melanomas.

You might be described by many as an “early adopter" -- are you fatalistic, or is it more about contributing to science?

I always wanted to be part of something bigger than myself. Life is very short, and being able to be part of this clinical trial has changed mine forever. I love being on the “cutting edge” of any technology that will make people’s lives better. I really don’t care what happens to me – my experience, and my body, are now part of this fight for a cure. I love being part of it.

Do you feel like a pioneer?

I don’t – I just feel like someone who has been incredibly lucky to survive bad complications, be part of a clinical trial, and to be part of this incredible community. If I am a pioneer, fine. If not, fine also. I just feel so blessed.

Thank you Joanne for sharing Roger's story! We're very grateful that this type of research is progressing, and already changing lives in our D-Community.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

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I’m so happy!!

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What about the lights with Naomi and Cas during the crypt scene?

Jerry Wanek discussed this 6 years ago on Twitter. The lighting was intended as “the passing of time”, like the sun setting on Naomi’s control of Cas, her hope dying.

I get the bisexual flag symbolism, but this was absolutely not the set designer’s intent. But don’t take my opinion on this. He admitted this publicly. But more than that, I’ve met him, actually talked to him for a long time, unlike many meta writers.

Jerry just isn’t thinking about Dean’s sexuality in specific regards to him using pink/purple/blue in bar signs. He is honestly not that complex with his color symbolism. He uses color theory like everyone else in the industry and bisexual color coding is just not “a thing”. Jerry is a laid back “cool” (but passionate!) guy. Please pay very close attention to my words here. I’m not saying Jerry doesn’t do bisexual!Dean symbolism in set design. I think it’s obvious he’s done his fair share (and no, he’s never outright admitted to that, I’m talking about what we all can see with our EYES though how “serious” the visual subtext is is a matter of opinion, and regardless, he doesn’t decide the story being told, he only subtextually informs it as it is given to him, sometimes having no clue where certain storylines are going).

In specific regards to “bisexual lighting” in Supernatural’s visual narrative, it is, every time, simply unintended. Not that there isn’t a valid reading in pointing it out, but SPECIFICALLY when intent is being discussed and credit given in meta... this ain’t it, bruh.

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Happy days are still far away. Wouldn’t you say?

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I MISS HAWAII

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Set design from 13x07 in the Alternate World from Jerry’s Twitter ❤️ — https://twitter.com/jerrywanek/status/932707061153939456

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Wayward cocktails with Jerry Wanek in Hawaii

Okay!  So I was extremely lucky to get to sit down right beside production designer Jerry Wanek along with some other fans and talk to him for over an hour on Sunday night after Honolulu con wrapped.  I recorded a bit of the audio of the meeting for notes so here’s some highlights from our group chat.

Jerry has an office upstairs where the studios are.  There’s no doors.  There’s nine people in the art department including the art director, set designer, and the graphic director.  The whole process is extremely collaborative and the best idea usually wins!  I brought up the fact that there’s always discussions of intent when analyzing the show and how its very hard to pin down because there are so many hands in the cookie jar!  Jerry said a lot of it goes back to the boys, which provide the most focus in his opinion.  

Jerry says he reads lots of scripts every day, some of which have stupid ideas (”This is so stupid I want to cry” his words, lol).  He said after they get the first draft that they all submit their ideas, “What if we do this? What if we do that?”  Jerry works very close with every director.  He looks over the scripts and helps point out what is pretty much impossible (or otherwise VERY tough/expensive).  He says he has a script right now that is 14 pages long at NIGHT, OUTSIDE, and RAINING. (FYI: this is a production/cost/logistics/timing nightmare for those who don’t know this).  Jerry says they can’t even get this done on their 8 day schedule, that there’s simply not enough TIME.  He says he had to call up Andrew Dabb and be like, “Uh... Andrew... you’re gonna have to cut some of this!” 

Jerry spoke well of John Showalter and Phil Sgriccia, saying Phil’s history in editing helps him tremendously in directing (and I guess fixing problems like being given a script with 14 pages of night shoots, lol).  He spoke of how Phil cares about the show’s mythology and legacy compared to some writers who do things that change the mythology.  He said everyone was confused by Asmodeus in the fact that he could shapeshift.  He didn’t like the fact that all the other Princes of Hell didn’t have that ability but apparently Asmodeus did.  

I asked him if there’s ever been a set that he especially hated to tear down and he said “Yes and no.” He went on to talk about the lake house from 12x23 and 13x01.  He looked for 2 weeks for a house for that shoot.  He was out looking for a spot to shoot the angel blades from the AU and the guy that had that property mentioned another spit of land he had and then he and Jerry drove out there and then Jerry saw that it was perfect and so he immediately called up Bob and they decided to build the house as a complete set there instead of finding a house already built.  

I told him it was amazing that they could build these things all so fast.  He said that it’s taken a lot of years to acquire those skills.  He’s been in the film business for 40 years.  He spoke of the freedom he had on the Dark Angel set, that they told him “just take care of the sets” and that James Cameron and them had other things to worry about, so there was a lot of trust there.  He said that since then he’s only had to get “okay’d” on maybe half a dozen sets.  Basically, he has a lot of free reign on whether the location is a bunker, an abandoned warehouse, whatever.  He spoke fondly of the distillery set from 10x21 and said it had been written as an abandoned warehouse.  Coming up in 13x07 the script called for a concrete bunker in the desert, but Jerry designed a church instead.  I suggested that “concrete bunker” was just script shorthand for “let Jerry do what he wants” and he said, “pretty much” lol.  

@obsessionisaperfume then piped in about the wallpaper and how you could write a dissertation just on it.  I mentioned the Hansel and Gretel wallpaper and Jerry said that one came from France. Dori said her favorite was the Siren wallpaper.  I said my favorite was the red/green tartan codependency wallpaper because it was so striking.  (Here is where @nicky36 and @ibelieveinthelittletreetopper arrived).  Jerry said anytime Misha calls something a “masterpiece” is when he knows he hit a homerun. :’)  He said set reveals are somewhat like an art opening and he loves all the reactions they get.  He said that any time the reaction to a hotel set is low, that it’s “game on” and it’s time to raise the bar with the wild and wacky.  I asked him what his favorite themed motel was and then immediately told him my favorite, which was the “Too Tired” motel and that it was a motel dedicated to me.  He loved that one.  He said it was two tires in the “too” and that the location of that motel was in one of the biggest tire manufacturers in the country, so the whole thing was a pun with a double meaning!  

I thanked him for not giving into the motel 6 suggestion and he said he would have left the show, no doubt.  Jerry loves Americana and time period stuff, classic stuff like the 50s and 60s, Route 66.   I mentioned the Elysian Field motel from 5x19.  He said that that was when the Olympics was in Vancouver and that he told the writers “whatever you do, DO NOT write an episode that is motel heavy right now” because all the motels were booked up.  “So what do the writers do?” Jerry asked, “They, of course, made a whole episode in a motel.”  I said, “No one listens to you?” He laughed and said, “No, they don’t!”  He said that whole motel was built on a stage and that he was very pleased with it because of all the detail they could do.  He then went a little in depth into intention so I’m going to simply transcribe the next bit:

“You can get as wacky as you want, but, if you just put something wacky in, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the script, and it doesn’t have any support- You know, if I put a screen in, then there’s going to be another complementing element in there, in color, in texture, in glass, whatever that makes it seem integral, that when someone built that motel room, that they had a plan.  It wasn’t just like... ‘Oh I want a cool screen to shoot through, that’s not good enough!  Because it just sticks out, I mean, this guy who was watching the show, he was friend of mine, and he did a headboard and he was a young person so he put bubble wrap over it and twinkle light behind it and I'm going like... ‘Well, well it’s different. You know, but it looks- It looks-’ (me: laughing, “I appreciate your input”) ‘Yeah.  But it looks really stupid. It wasn’t on our show’.  Which.. he showed me a picture of his show.  And I went, ‘Oh yeah... Nice... nice... real nice.. yeah...’

Someone goes on to say that it infuriates them that someone would go on and say (about set design), “Oh, they just went and found whatever.”  I then said that I would fight somebody.  “You can hit them for me.” (cheers)  I said one of my favorite things was the sunshine rag rugs that cropped up when Cas was back and “home” and I told him I recalled a story on Tumblr a few seasons back where someone said their mother/grandmother was commissioned by him to hand make those.  I asked him if that was fake.  Jerry thought for a second and said, “No. I don’t think so.”  Jerry then switched topics to the beer on set.  We all knew the story behind “the mom beer” and we told him that’s what we all called it.  He said it’s based on a real beer in Wiscousin called Leinenkugel’s (I remember this but didn’t want to tell him in case others didn’t know).  Jerry’s Winnipeg graphic artist wrote the story on the back of the beer label.  

Someone mentioned the set design coffee table book and I told him I was upset that it existed and that I couldn’t buy it.  Someone mentioned the Impala they were restoring and that they wanted some beer bottle labels for it.  I asked the fan the name of their Impala (Angel) and said that I had one, too (Grace)!  Jerry was surprised to hear that two of us in our small group had bought the car.  He asked if I got mine from the guy in Kansas and I said that I got mine from a guy in Maryland. The other fan asked if it was possible for her to get some beer labels and Jerry said absolutely, that he’d be happy to do that. <3

Jess then said that she was glad to see he was doing well from his surgery from the last time she saw him at the Wayward Cocktails thing.  Everyone agreed and was grateful he is doing good!  He said he was out for 3 months (end of October, November and December).  And that he really got upset about some of the diners in his absence.  I said that we could tell he was gone right away.  He said that he almost got out of his hospital bed, threw things at the tv over some of it.  He said the guy that had took over in his absence was a really good friend of his, but that he couldn’t really replicate his style, nor did he include subtext from the script like he does.

Okay this is where my recorded audio ends so the rest is by my memory.

I asked Jerry about this piece of graffiti from my business Twitter earlier in the day.  I asked about whether it was intentional and that some of us saw it as a shout out to those that read into the graffiti and set design.  He said, “Everything is intentional.” :)  In regards to graffiti especially, they have to do all their own graffiti and that if graffiti exists in the shot that is NOT THEIRS, then they have to remove it, otherwise they could get sued by the artist.  Someone joked about how the front bunker location always gets graffiti’d IRL and how if they couldn’t clean it in time they could just write it into the script and have Dean complain that the door had been tagged.  They have several of their own graffiti artists that they use when they want graffiti.  Jerry praised the artist from 8x19.  I brought up warding and whether or not Jared or Jensen had messed up a set by accident and if they had ever had to repaint it and reset and he admitted, “Yes” with a chuckle.  He said that they try to do 95% of it so that the boys only had to spray like one line/curve so there is a low chance of them messing up.  I asked how challenging 4x01 was with the warding on the barnyard and he said it was quite a challenge!  He said he felt like he was seeing symbols in his sleep after that!  He was very pleased with the end result tho!

When he talked about the S12 finale lake house to another fan he said they tore it down after the finale and then had to build it again for the S13 premiere!  So that entire set was built twice!  

I asked about who made Billie’s new scythe and Jerry said I was forgetting the most important thing!  The library set!  He said originally the set was supposed to be a little country cottage with lots of books but that he was like, “Nah.” and did the polished minimalism set instead.  Everyone praised it and we all said we loved it very much and that we felt it had a similar style as Heaven so they coordinated in a way.  It’s been one of his favorites of the season so far.  He never answered the scythe question, lol.  He said that overall that he’s been loving the new season very much and that the whole thing has felt very fresh.  He brought up the new stunt coordinator and praised him.  He said that the old guy was good but he had some very dated (old school) ideas and that the new guy was a real breath of fresh air.  I told him that everyone could instantly tell that we had a new guy doing the fight scenes and that everyone was really impressed and that there was even a lot of symbolism in them.  

Tula (Jerry’s dog) came by a few times and everyone petted Tula.  Jerry said that Tula isn’t allowed on set very often because of regulations.  He also has to screen Tula three months early for travel to Hawaii because of the strict pet regulations here (Hawai’i doesn’t have rabies for example).  

I asked Jerry if he would be directing again anytime soon and he said probably not, due to something about crew being unable to direct because of some law or complaint or something.  Everyone was sad because 9x14 was one of our favorite episodes.  Jerry said that he still didn’t have *complete* freedom the way he wanted on that episode, that there were all these neat different shots he wanted to do but that he couldn’t for whatever reason.  I said I love the door/screen transition there and he said he wished he could do more stuff like that.  

We talked about Jensen directing and I asked him if Jensen asked for any advice and he said that Jensen didn’t, but that didn’t stop Jerry from talking to him and giving him some anyway!  He praised Jensen’s directing and said that it was good to switch between directors with different backgrounds (acting, editing, set design) and that they all would bring something unique to the directing chair. 

Jerry showed us the photos he later posted on Twitter from the church in the alternate world in 13x07.  He said the script just read “concrete bunker” and he was basically like “fuck that” and built the church with the iron maiden instead.  

I asked Jerry if things ever got left on set and ended up in the shot that weren’t strictly intended and he admitted that it didn’t happen often but it had happened before (the example I used was crew cell phones lying on the table).  It’s worth noting that Jerry admitted this with extreme reluctance lol.  

+EDIT+

Oh! Three more things I forgot to mention! 

Jerry spoke very well of Misha and how S4 changed everything for the show and how everyone became so excited to work on the show again!  The mythology of just demons had gotten really stale and to throw angels into the mix just really got everyone pumped.

Jerry said he loved Alaina Huffman as Abaddon.  We all agreed she was great.  Commenting on her exit, I said that we loved the foreshadowing of the martini shot that signaled her departure and how clever it was at least.

Jerry also spoke about the challenges of building train sets and how he was excited to be working on the “Stakes on a Train” episode but that it ultimately got scrapped because of the budget.  He said it was going to have a similar feel to 11x14 (which he LOVED), and he was sad it fell through and that he hoped they’d bring it back another season.

+      +

This is all I remember being discussed and at this point Jules asked everyone to switch it up so everyone would get the chance to talk to Jerry.  We all stood and hugged him goodbye and thanked him.  After this @thevioletcaptain and @deathbycoldopen took mine and @nicky36‘s spots beside Jerry so I’m going to open this write up up for them to include anything interesting they learned.  ^_^

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Hawaii Con aesthetic 🌈🌴🌺

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Good morning everyone! I suspect better quality vids of the Mishalecki and Cockles panels are up by now but I’ll upload mine to twitter anyway. Last night me @ibelieveinthelittletreetopper @nicky36 @obsessionisaperfume got the awesome opportunity to talk to Jerry Wanek for well over an hour (and I got to sit right beside him!!)! God, he was like everything you expect and more. It was so good. I recorded a bit of the audio on two vids but unfortunately he let slip a very important Cas spoiler to me and Dori so one of them is useless (and I also won’t be doing any speculating on the structural foreshadowing in place at the moment because now I unfortunately know the answer to why we are getting certain mirrors).

I’ll instead post highlights from both of my vids as soon as I get a chance! This has been the best Creation con I’ve ever been to! Well worth the money! If they come back (and Stephanie hopes they will!) and you can pick ONE con, then, friend, THIS IS THE CON. I fly out in 10 hours and will arrive home at 10 am on Tuesday. I’ll immediately start unpacking and filling all shop orders and custom orders. Then it’s onto con prep for SPNSF and booking all my stuff for that con (which I ran out of time to do before leaving). I have a small turnaround before leaving there. Long story short, I’m already dead and about to be deader.

But I’m happy! So happy! Oh god, how is this my life? Fucking how?! I got to meet so many new beautiful people this weekend from the internet that I’m just so blessed. At this point I’ve meet more of you than I haven’t and how awesome is that?! Like... WHAT?!?! So me and @nicky36 are currently staring at all the Conolulu goodness on our phones in bed and lamenting having to soon leave. 😭😭

It has been an amazing experience, with amazing friends. Thanks to everyone who made it all possible. And please, if you can, drop a thank you to Creation’s Twitter for Stephanie, my good friend who runs Creation and made it all possible. 🌈🌴💖

[shirtlesssammy]

5x18: Point of No Return

Hey-our first request episode! It’s a good one, considering Adam might (?) be coming back this season, and then there’s the whole fathers are shitty theme. Oh, and Dean and Cas are fighting. 

Then:

Remember Adam?

Now:

In an empty bar in Nowhere, USA, Zachariah commiserates with a man about The Man. Then the walls start shaking and the other guy wonders if it’s an earthquake. The place lights up and Zach sullenly admits that it’s his boss. Before you know it, the bartender and other guy’s eyes are burned out and Zach is back in the heavenly business. 

On the alcohol train to Sad Town, Dean packs his only belongings (minus Baby, I guess) in preparation to saying yes to Michael. We say goodbye to the leather jacket (for good --well, I think we see it in Swan Song too, but --like, how crazy is it that there was a fundamental shift in the storytelling of the show when that jacket was stolen after season 5? Would Dean still be wearing it to this day? I would like to think that isn’t true.) He boxes up the jacket, Baby’s keys, his gun, and writes a letter. Oh, and he downs hard liquor straight from the bottle the whole melodramatic time he’s doing this. (Side note: he’s staying at Mike’s Travel Inn which is wonderfully fitting since he plans to become Michael’s own personal travel inn. Wanek!)

For Drama Llama Dean Science:

Sam finds Dean and confirms Dean’s own plans to him. Sam wants Dean to wait on this plan of letting Michael take him. Bobby has a plan. Okay, he doesn’t, but Sam is going to stop him anyway. Dean gets in a good dig about Sam not having demon blood to help him. Sam counters that he still brought help. Before Dean can react, Cas has flapped in and he zaps Dean back to Bobby’s. 

Urgh, those were the days. Sometimes I REALLY miss flying Cas. 

At Bobby’s we have a pissed off Dean, pissed off Cas, pissed off Bobby, and a peacemaker Sam. Bobby calls Dean “son”, and Dean counters that he isn’t Dean’s father. OUCH and a HALF. Bobby then shows Dean the bullet he wants to put through his brain. He doesn’t though because he promised Dean that he’d keep fighting.

Cas is suddenly hit with a massive wave of angel radio goodness and he’s gone. (I just love the editing of when Cas flaps away. Sigh.) 

Cas ends up in a field somewhere. 

For Side-profile Science:

In his attempt to investigate something coming out of the ground, two other angels attack him. He is an effortlessly badass angel though, and dispatches them with 

I’m sorry, what was I saying? 

He pulls someone from the ground and takes him back to Bobby’s. It’s Adam, Sam and Dean’s long lost/dead half-brother. Okay, the dramatic camera zooms and swelling music was just A+ soapy drama there. Cas engraves angel warding on Adam’s ribs and wakes him from his graveyard coma. Adam knows who Sam and Dean are --because the angels warned him about them. He demands to see Zachariah. Wherps. 

They let him clean up, give him some hard liquor, and ask him to tell them his story. He tells them that he was in heaven (or prom to him) and angels interrupt to tell him he’s going to save the world. He’s the archangel Michael’s vessel. Dean thinks that’s insane. Cas points out that Adam is also of John Winchester’s bloodline, and Sam’s brother. Dean forgets he’s with company and propositions Cas. 

Sam tries telling Adam that the angels are lying to him. Adam doesn’t believe him. Sam asks him to give them time to prove they’re right. He tells Adam that “they’re blood” and that’s why they should be trusted. (Dean’s little smile at that...like I get how that’s important to Dean, but also, I love how SO much about this show is how important these bonds are despite there being no blood between this found family.) Adam is appalled. They’re not family. John wasn’t his father (AND can we talk about how fucking jealous Dean was that John actually did things, like baseball games, with Adam, and Adam saw those baseball games as nothing? John wasn’t there for him on a day to day basis and so he wasn’t Adam’s father. Ugh, John was the woooorrsst.) (Dean’s little half-smile about John was also worth watching.) 

Later, Adam tries making an escape but Sam catches him, and sits him down with a beer to discuss John.

Sam thinks Adam was lucky to not have John around all year (Ahem, you didn’t either, Sam…) Adam was alone a lot because his mom worked. He raised himself. Ugh, kinda like you and Dean, right Sam? Then Adam makes a Family Vacation reference and we KNOW he’s related to Dean. Btw, where are Dean and Cas during this convo? 

Dean’s checking out Bobby’s safe room when Sam and Cas show up. Cas silently flirts with Dean. Dean forgets he’s in front of Sam and flirts right back at Cas. These two are killing me this season. They’re in that sweet spot of flirting before it all goes to hell. SIGH.

For the record, I’d like to point out that Cas was making that face at him the whole time they were in the living room with Bobby before Adam showed up. Also, I’d like to point out that both Dean and Cas were missing when Adam tried to escape. 

Dean and Sam talk in private about not letting Adam let Michael in. Sam lets Dean know he’s not letting him do it either. Um, then Dean lists all the people that they’ve “gotten killed”, and I’d like to give a big shout out “Fuck you” to Chuck himself. According to Dean they got everyone killed! He’s “also tired of fighting who he’s supposed to be.” UGGH. Dean tells Sam that he doesn’t think Sam will be able to withstand the devil, so he’s got to be there to fight. Sam walks away.

Upstairs, Cas watches Adam intently as though making sure he won’t sleep walk away. When Sam heads upstairs, totally wrecked, Cas makes his way back down to the basement. (To finish their assignation - right, Boris?) He hears a crash. Dean Bean’s nowhere to be seen in the safe room so Cas opens the door. Dean directs his attention to a cabinet door with a bloody angel banishing sigil on it. BOOM! Cas out.

Dean creeps out of the basement through the cellar hatch. JellyDEAN noooooo!

Sam heads out to track down Dean, leaving Bobby to watch over Adam. In his dreams, Adam chillaxes at a playground when Zachariah smarmily flaps in. Zach tells Adam that he’ll see his mom soon, but first he’s got to figure out how to escape. Zachariah warns Adam about the Winchesters, describing Sam and Dean as dangerously codependent and more interested in saving each other than the world. Which is sorta...valid? “They’re not your family. Understand?”

Outside a bar, a street preacher shouts at random passerby when Dean runs up and asks if he knows who Dean Winchester is. “Dear god, yes,” the preacher replies (for all of us).

The preacher starts to pray to the angels about Dean’s location when Cas zaps him unconscious. 

Cas flips the fuck out. “I rebelled for this?” he shouts as he bashes Dean around in the alley. “I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me?” 

Dean, always a glutton for punishment, eggs Cas on. Cas should destroy him! Why not? Don’t you know who he is??? He’s Dean Winchester, PROM KING of Self-Loathing High. Cas stops punching out his feelings. His fist uncurls.

He zaps Dean unconscious instead.

Back at Bobby’s house, Adam’s disappeared and Sam is a leeeetle bit stressed out.

Cas flaps in with a majorly roughed up Dean and announces that he was the cause of Dean’s injuries. Hashtag Dangerbird-of-the-Lord. About Adam’s whereabouts, Cas speculates that the angels nabbed him and took him to the Beautiful Room from season four. 

Cue the close-up on baroque art, beer, and burgers. Adam’s enjoying his last meal when Zachariah flaps in to hand him a pink slip. “You’re not so much the ‘chosen one’ as you are a clammy scrap of bait.” 

“Son of a bitch,” Adam mutters, Winchesterily. 

Adam’s starting to realize that Zachariah is a pretty terrible friend. Zachariah reinforces this conclusion by making Adam cough up blood. 

Down in Bobby’s panic room, Dean’s chained to the bed. 

Sam fills Dean in on the situation: Adam’s being held prisoner at a location which is CRAWLING with angels. To Dean’s surprise, Sam unlocks Dean’s manacle. They need him for the fight ahead and Sam has faith that Dean will make the right choice - even if nobody else believes in him. Dean rewards this touching show of faith by swearing up and down that he’ll say yes to Michael at the first chance he gets. DEAN. BEAN. Sam’s faith in Dean is simply derived: “You’re still my big brother.” (*crying noise crying noise*)

Outside the warehouse, Cas flaps in with the Winchesters. 

Dean’s surprised to learn that the Beautiful Room is in Van Nuys, California and not on Jupiter or (bless this boy) in a blade of grass. Cas tells them there are five extremely good warriors inside and he can’t fight them all off. He starts to take off his tie and IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

Cas tells them that he’ll take care of the angels and then they can rescue Adam. Cas BBY. 

Devastating dialogue alert:

Dean: Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels?

Cas: Yes.

Dean: Isn’t that suicide?

Cas: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

Cas whips out a box cutter. The next scene sees him striding into the warehouse alone. His spidey sense tingles. It’s an angel! Cas kills one of them and then makes his way to the middle of the room. Quicky, he’s surrounded by the other angels. He drops his blade, rips open his shirt, and blasts them and himself away with the angel banishing sigil he carved iNTo hIS sKin. 

Dean and Sam hear the commotion and when Dean heads inside, the coast is clear. Inside the Beautiful Room, Adam’s slumped by the wall. “You came for me,” he mutters, surprised. 

“Yeah, you’re family,” Dean says. But it’s too late for hugs and lollipops, because Zachariah shows up, stroking his metaphorical evil mustache. Zachariah starts bleeding out Adam and Sam while Dean is EXPERIENCING STRONG EMOTIONS. (Boris: When Dean says “Damnit, Zachariah” I only hear “Dean” from The Real Ghostbusters, and realize what a great job he did impersonating a character he had only read about.) 

Dean agrees to say yes. While Zachariah calls down Michael, Dean takes one last look at Sam. Thoughts and feelings flit past like clouds and suddenly Dean arrives at a Realization™. He smiles, then winks at Sam. 

Dean starts issuing his demands before he’ll turn over his body but number one on his list is that Michael destroys Zachariah. 

RECORD SCRATCH

Dean refers to himself as a “sweet ass” which is not wrong, while Zachariah presses close to Dean threateningly, boasting that Michael would never kill him. No worries because Dean’s gonna smite you instead. With Zachariah close, Dean whips up Cas’s dropped angel blade and jams it up into Zachariah’s jaw. 

The room shakes as Michael approaches. Sam, Dean, and Adam make for the door. Sam and Dean escape but the door slams shut in front of Adam. A bright light suffuses him and...that’s it.

Later, they recap in the Impala. Adam and Cas are in the wind but finding them is an issue for another episode. Because right now Sam needs to address Dean’s almost-yes moment. Dean explains his sudden change of mind. “The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, ‘this stupid son of a bitch brought me here.’ I just didn’t want to let you down.” Dean apologizes to Sam for treating him like a kid. “Screw destiny right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.”

Battle brother mode ACTIVATED!

______________________________

Is That a Quote in Your Pocket or are You Just Happy to See Me? 

You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight’s when the magic happens.

Blow me, Cas.

We’re working on the power of love. 

Maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change?

You pray too loud.

Watch your tone, boy.

Don’t piss of the nerd angels.

______________________________

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[shirtlesssammy]

4x19: Jump the Shark

Then:

John Winchester, amirite? (But seriously, that intro! Call backs to John’s parenting, hunting, Sam going darkside, Dean’s “If I didn’t know you, I would want to hunt you.”)

Now:

We open with a woman being chased through the halls of her house. She barricades herself in her bedroom with her armoire. Whatever evil is outside her room, it can’t get her now and she sits down on her bed. YOINK! Something drags her under! As she tries to scramble away, she knocks over her bedside table, and a picture of John Winchester.

Sam and Dean are in the middle of nowhere.

Sam is busy with personal care, using his little purple toothbrush. Dean wakes hungry, but only finds one very spoiled tuna sandwich. (Dean looks so little in the leather jacket here! And he’s an adorable bean, too!) One of John’s phone rings. The person, Adam Milligan, is looking for John, and Dean informs him that John’s been dead for over two years. It’s then that Adam reveals that he’s John’s son. Cue super zoom on Dean!

The brothers head to Windom, Minnesota to meet their so-called brother, specifically at Cousin Oliver’s Diner (Oh, Jerry Wanek, never change!) As Sam listed every real thing about Adam Milligan, Dean is stocking up on every kind of monster hunting weapon they have. Something tells me Dean’s not buying it. In fact, he thinks Adam is possessed by a demon or is a shapeshifter.

Once inside, Dean swaps regular water for holy water and the silverware with silverware. Sam shows Dean an entry in John’s journal that placed him in Minnesota about 9 months before Adam was born.

Adam walks in and joins the brothers. He inquires into how they knew John. Awkward. He asks how John died. “On the job.” “He was a mechanic, right?” And Dean, always the helpful older brothers adds, “A car fell on him.” Hostile Dean is a fun Dean.

Adam drinks the holy water and doesn’t react. So, not a demon. Sam asks why he was trying to contact John, and while Dean pulls his gun under the table (lol, boy), Adam tells them that his mom is missing. Dean wants to know more about how well Adam knew John. Not that well, actually. He met him when he was 12 and didn’t know much more than his name. But “when John heard he had a son, he raced to town. He dropped everything. He drove all night.” Oof, please stop talking, Adam. But. He continues to tell Sam and Dean about John visiting him and teaching him poker and pool and buying him his first beer and teaching him how to drive on his ‘67 Impala. I can’t tell if Dean is more offended by these stories or the fact that all his monster detecting traps aren’t working. Dean calls him a liar, but Adam can prove it all.

Cut to Adam’s house, and Dean holding a picture of John and Adam at a baseball game. I MEAN JOHN WINCHESTER, great non-parenting of Adam and all, BUT YOU’RE THE ACTUAL WORST. While Dean reconciles with the existential crisis of having the worst parent ever, Sam cuts to the heart of the matter and finds out more about Adam’s missing mom.

Dean takes a half look around the house and Sam contacts the police and does a little research. In 1990, there were 17 graves robbed. These sweet summer boys don’t know what John was hunting though. A month ago, the corpse-snatching started up again.

Dean then notices scratch marks coming from under the bed. They move it to reveal a vent. They rock-paper-scissors to see who’ll go down it. OH DEAN.

He heads into the vent where he finds blood, and a whole lot more blood and the remains of human remains.

Later at the motel, Adam bursts in wanting to know who Sam and Dean are. They apparently told him to call the cops but they’re skipping town. Adam, proving to be as smart as his two brothers (but maybe not as quick), says, “You’re not mechanics.” Sam breaks first and tells Adam that they’re hunters. Sam proceeds to fill his younger brother in on the family business. Adam accepts it and wants to know how to help. Dean is livid about the whole situation.

He wants Adam left out of the hunt. He then storms out after telling Sam to babysit the kid. SO much to unpack here.

Sam gets to play big brother for once and starts to show Adam about proper gun handling and maintenance.

Dean checks out the desecrated tombs. And then he heads to a local bar.

For Local Bar Science:

The bartender pegs him as a Fed right away. He asks about one of the missing people. It turns out he was her husband. She tells Dean that her husband was a deputy for a while, and even worked the grave robbing case back in 1990. He worked the case with a little help from a “specialist” and that “they took care of what done it.”

Back at the motel Sam shows Adam the basics of gun care (brotherly bonding….aw?) when suddenly the lights go out. There are strange noises in the vents of the room, so Sam and Adam race outside for Adam’s truck. At the edge of the truck, something grabs Sam’s ankle and hauls him to the ground. Sam’s about to get sucked down beneath the car when Dean arrives and scares off whatever was trying to take Sam. When they move Adam’s truck, an open sewer grate is revealed.

Dean and Sam piece together the basic case details: whatever’s attacking people is targeting individuals connected with the old case from the ‘90’s. “He wants revenge,” Adam notes.

Back at Adam’s house, it’s domestic protection time! They tell Adam to pack a bag so they can drop him off at Bobby’s house. Sam’s not so sure that’s the best tactic. They’ve got Adam - what the creature wants. “We could train him,” Sam says. “Get him ready.” Dean’s moderately horrified at this plan but Adam, lurking at the edge of the kitchen, agrees right away.

It’s training montage time! In a quiet wooded area, Sam teaches Adam how to shoot a gun while Dean looks on disapprovingly. In Adam’s kitchen, Sam teaches him how to untangle monster lore. “Being a hunter isn’t a job, Adam,” Sam imparts gravely. “It’s life.” Sam is...clearly so into his teacher / big brother role. (Cries about future plotlines.) Sam tells Adam that personal connections are weaknesses in the hunting life. Dean looks on with even more disapproval until he finally breaks and hauls Sam aside. The speech Sam was giving Adam is the same one that John gave Sam right before he left for Stanford. Oh MAN.  

Sam defends his John-script snatching, because now he knows the truth about the hunting life. Sam believes that the fact that they never had a picket-fence-childhood shaped them into who they are today: strong hunters. I mean, that’s TECHNICALLY accurate. Dean only agrees with the superficial details of that, though. It’s too late for them, Dean contends, but Adam still has a chance at a normal life. What a depressingly fatalistic way of expressing that, Dean Bean.

This cuts to the heart of the episode:

Sam: What makes Adam so special?

Dean: What, are you jealous of the kid?

Sam: Are YOU?

Oh, knife to the heart, Sam! Sam continues to insist that Adam’s apple pie life with dad was an illusion. The reality of the world is cold, dark, and full of monsters that want to destroy them. “Dad didn’t have a choice with us,” Dean argues - ever the John apologist, but Adam has a chance at a BETTER life. Stay tuned for my 8,000 word essay on John’s parenting choices. This episode makes me so sad for just...everyone involved.

As a result of this conversation, Dean makes it his personal mission to destroy the thing that’s coming after Adam so he can have that good life again.

Dean heads to the cemetery alone, finding broken crypts and cracked stones. In the gloom, he locates a loose stone which leads to a tunnel into the ground. Ugh, Dean, don’t go in there! Noooo!

Dean hauls himself through and into an old, ornate crypt scattered with bones. (Side note: what is UP with this fancy cemetery?) He finds a bloodied limb and a pair of glasses from the missing bartender. A noise crackles through the narrow tunnel and Dean shoots blindly into it, collapsing the tunnel. Ooops! He checks his phone. No signal. We are blessed with not one, but TWO “Son of a bitch!” outbursts.

At Adam’s house, Sam lays down salt lines and seals up the ventilation shafts - all except the one that was under his mom’s bed. Now there’s only one way into the house - through the creepy tunnel!

They hear a noise elsewhere in the dark house. “Mom!” Adam shouts, then breaks out running through the house. His mom stands in the kitchen. She just got away! She’s alive! Hooray?

Not hooray, Sam tells Adam. The woman standing there isn’t his mother. Sam levels a shotgun at her.

In the crypt, Dean’s still trapped. He starts looking through the crypt again, opening a recently disturbed coffin. Inside he finds the body of Adam’s mom, torn apart and stowed neatly out of sight.

Back at the house, Adam insists that his mom is really alive. Oh dear. Adam grabs the shotgun and Sam urges him to shoot her, shoot her she’s not human!

Adam suddenly smirks. “I know,” he says just before he knocks Sam out with the butt of the rifle. OH DEAR.

Cut back to Dean who opens another coffin and discovers Adam’s torn body. Dean puts two and two together, and starts to throw everything he has into breaking out of the crypt. He spots a stained glass window at the top of the room. An escape hatch!

Sam wakes up tied and taped to the dinner table. “You’re ghouls,” he realizes. The fresh kills aren’t the usual ghoul MO, so they didn’t think of them as suspects. Ghouls, as it turns out, take the form of their last meal and absorb their thoughts and memories as well. (Honestly, ghoul physiology is just fascinating. Please look forward to my white paper on the subject.)

The two ghouls tell Sam that the ghoul John Winchester had killed in the 90’s wasn’t a monster - he had never killed anyone. He only ate dead bodies. I mean...I know I have differing views of human remains than other people, but I really feel for that dead ghoul - killed for eating buried remains. The hunter that killed him was definitely a monster, in the two ghouls’ eyes.

Dean ingeniously finds his way out of the crypt by breaking an ornate stained glass skylight and then uses a bar pried from a coffin as a pull-up bar to haul himself out. Daaaaaamn that’s some fine body-weight lifting, mmmkay?

Back at the Milligan house, the two ghouls slowly slurp Sam’s blood and reminisce about their fatherless childhoods. The two ghouls are siblings and grew up alone thanks to John Winchester. They grew tired of feeding off of random graveyard takings and started up their revenge banquet. They take pleasure in telling Sam about Adam’s tortured death just before slicing open Sam’s veins.

Dean arrives just in time. A shotgun blast takes out one sibling and then it’s just fake-Adam against Dean. Sam’s blood drains quickly while Dean fights him one on one. He bashes fake-Adam’s head in and then frees Sam, wrapping cloth around the deep cuts. “That’s what family’s for,” Dean says in response to Sam’s muttered “thank you.”

Dean and Sam give Adam a hunter’s funeral. He was their brother, Dean reasons, even if he never knew about them. Sam suggests calling Cas and asking for him to resurrect Adam. (Which is a WHOLE BIG concept to unpack.) Dean turns that down, though. Adam’s in a better place now. (Which is pretty sensible, if you consider the looming apocalypse.)

As Adam’s body burns, Dean says, “You know, I finally get why you and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Sam says.

“You take it any way you want,” Dean says, over a metric ton of buried trauma.

Natasha: Watching this through season 14 eyes, it feels SO cathartic to claim Dean as “Mary’s son.”

John Winchester’s Secret Family of Quotes:

One sip of Jesus juice, this evil bitch is gonna be in a world of hurt.

This is a trap.

Now I’m thinking about Dad-sex. Stop talking.

What'd Dad do with you on your birthday?

Why didn’t I throw paper?

Godzilla's just a movie.

He’s a Winchester. He’s already cursed.

The only thing you can count on is family.

We are what we eat.

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