#blessed little idiot. see? do you see how asking nicely could have improved your life??

[greenerteacups]

Hi! I made this account just so I could interact with you like this and tell you that your writing got me back out of a reading slump! Should you ever choose to author and publish a book please let me know, I will be the first to pick it up at the nearest bookstore available. I'm very excited to see where you take us in the fifth installment of your rewrite for this series! And quick question, which Hogwarts house do you align yourself with? ∼ Cheers and much love from an anonymous Hufflepuff

You're so incredibly sweet, thank you for warming my heart on a very cold day. Hearing someone say 'I would pay for your work' is kind of the highest compliment a fanfic author can receive. In the meantime, it's my honor to give you something that you can enjoy for free!

I waffle on the House question, since my view on Sorting is very contextual and volitional. Like, Sorting happens when you're eleven, right after you're boated up to the castle in this big stinking display of magical grandeur that's probably shit-slapping levels of scary, and then you get stood up in front of every peer you have and asked to decide what you want your place in that universe to be. That makes for some panicky, spur-of-the-moment decision-making! No wonder a lot of pureblood kids default to the House their parents picked! No wonder Harry ends up Gryffindor basically by default after blurting "not Slytherin" (which is the Hat's first suggestion — remember that the first two things Harry wants to do when he finds out he's a wizard are (1) jinx Dudley (avenge himself) and (2) buy a pure golden cauldron (status symbol). Canon!FirstYear!Harry is like, probably a Slytherin by temperament, being a neglected eleven-year-old child who's almost violently desperate for safety and approval and love, but that's okay, because being in Gryffindor turns him into one. Ron Weasley, in particular, turns him into one, but that's too much for me to get into right now.) Obviously, this all informs a lot of how I write character and socialization in Lionheart. House isn't destiny, it's culture! I could go on.

So like, if you sorted me right now? Gryffindor. Because I think bravery is the most important value in my life, it's what reminds me to be kind and patient and thoughtful, because it takes bravery to do those things in a world that is, frankly, much easier to navigate if you shut yourself off to others' feelings and ideas. But it's also a much worse world. That doesn't mean I'm not ambitious or curious or loyal, it just means that bravery is the value I consciously try to practice. But if you Sorted me at eleven, I'd probably get Slytherin, because I was — without doing The Backstory of it all — not the most jazzed-to-be-alive child, and I really, badly, desperately wanted to GTFO of my hometown and like — I dunno, succeed so hard it retroactively justified every time I was ever lonely? Somehow?? Details of that plan were always a bit unclear. But general "I am going to get a good grade in Life, something that is reasonable to want and possible to achieve" type vibes. Horrendous. Point being, I'd have likely asked for the House I identified with at eleven — Slytherin — because I considered "ambition" the most important virtue of my (again: eleven-year-old) life so far. (This is assuming that I don't run into a Hermione- or Ron-type character who warns me away from all the pureblood/classist nastiness; if that happened, I'd probably end up in Ravenclaw.)

I have no idea whether the Hat would have agreed with me. In canon, we never see it actually veto a choice, only grant requests. Which makes me wonder — if someone asked for a House that they were really, profoundly ill-suited for (as I think some of the canonical Slytherins might have done), what would it do?

[absolutepokemontrash]

I come bearing a request! The Brothers with an MC who's really good at cooking and baking? Like, the stuff food blogs dream of. Master-level instagram pastries. Could compete with the chocolate guy if they put their mind to it.

👀 ooooo, I do love me some pastries-

(I know you have an *ahem* distaste for Lucifer, dear moot, so enjoy Lucifer acting like a bit of a dingus in his section!)

Lucifer

Oh, the human can cook. *insert asshole eyeroll here*. Great. Wonderful. Groundbreaking. That’s what’s got all his brothers acting like- what was that word Levi used? Simps? This human has turned six of the seven rulers of hell into a bunch of simps.

Sure, the human has near godlike cooking prowess. Sure, everyone looks forward to their day for cooking. And sure, everyone thinks the human’s pretty great.

Tsk, not him though. He’s a refined demon. Some silly food isn’t going to make him a lovesick fool… did he smell eclairs..?

Lucifer peered into the kitchen to see MC carefully taking a tray of eclairs out of the oven and letting them cool off on the counter. His favourite dessert… right there in front of him…

Due to not being a total moron, MC notices Lucifer and asks him what the hell he’s doing just standing ominously in the doorway. Lucifer makes up some bullshit excuse about reminding MC to do their homework and just leaves. Okay, game plan, he needs those fucking eclairs or he will spontaneously combust.

As he snuck into the kitchen that night, Lucifer took a moment to briefly wonder why he was creeping around his own house. He was the Avatar of Pride for pity’s sake! He could eat whatever he damn well pleased! Oh shit was someone coming- no? Okay, back to sneaking.

Lucifer crept into the kitchen, saw the eclairs, and all logic was thrown out the window. Time to eat!

“BEEL NO! NOT THE- Lucifer..?” “…” “…” “…you’re very talented, MC, do you mind making more of these?”

SOMEONE SNAP A PICTURE! THIS IS THE CLOSEST LUCIFER HAS GOTTEN TO BEGGING IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS!

Mammon

Ugh, stuck babysittin’ some dumb human, how lame…

As Mammon was throwing a “I’m broke and I’m stuck in a pact with a dumb human” pity party, the most heavenly smell entered his nostrils. Cooking… good cooking… was Barbatos visiting or somethin’? Nah, Lucifer woulda made a big fuss about gettin’ ready for Lord Diavolo. Huh, so what was goin’ on in the kitchen?

Huh? The human? The human can cook? Well damn, maybe this whole deal wouldn’t be so bad. Oi! MC! As payment for babysittin’ ‘em, he got to have an extra big share of- OW!

Did- did the human just hit him with a spoon?! Th-they can’t do that!

Apparently they fucking can. Mammon gets told to sit the fuck down and wait for the food like everyone else. He grumbles on the way to the dining room, but he can’t fully hide his excitement to try the food.

The food even looked pretty! How did they do that?! Magic. It had to be!

After everyone’s tastebuds were blessed with the heavenly substance that is MC’s culinary exploits, Mammon decides he needs to get on this human’s good side in order to receive more food! Maybe even find some way to make a profit or somethin���!

After weeks go by of trying to suck up to the human without looking like too much of a chump, Mammon eventually realizes… hey, this human ain’t so bad. They’re nice, they make him feel good about himself, they give him headpats… he’s really hit the jackpot here!

He’ll offer to help MC bake or cook, but beware, he will try and sample the food before it’s done. Don’t let him lick the spoon!!!

Leviathan

First thought? This human ain’t shit. Thought after seeing their food? WOAAAAAAAH! JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME-

He was unceremoniously cut off by Beel asking demanding seconds. Humph, fine, he doesn’t actually care about this dumb normie food anyway.

…well at least until Levi saw a little something something on TV that he just had to ask MC to try and make. He shyly knocked on their door and when they answered, Levi shoved the screenshot in their face and stuttered out a dinner request.

On the day MC was supposed to make dinner, Levi poked his head into the kitchen and tried to make it look like he was just standing in the same room as MC and not checking to see if they were making his dinner request.

Not that he’d blame them for not doing that… who’d wanna make some anime dinner for a yucky Otaku- OMG JAHSHSHABA THEY’RE MAKING IT! *fangirl squeals*

As Levi continues to commit the SIN of being in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, MC eventually just asks him if he’d like to help out.

“Here! Just keep turning the takoyaki.” “R-really? You trust me?” “Yes, Levi. You watched how they made it on your show, right?” “Yes! I won’t mess up! I swear on my honour as an otaku!”

All in all, it was a very cute bonding experience for the two. Now it’s a regular thing. Levi requests something for dinner or dessert, MC makes it, Levi helps out.

Satan

So, the human can cook. That’s nice. At least someone in this literally god forsaken house can.

He makes sure to thank MC every time they cook, then he makes sure to thank whatever deity is watching over him that Solomon wasn’t the human staying with them.

As the months progress, Satan realizes, he should learn how to cook better. I mean, Levi and Mammon were somehow both improving in their cooking endeavours, and if MC could teach those two, then he would be a breeze.

Satan walked into the kitchen and simply asked if MC needed any assistance with what they were doing. MC just slid him some garlic to dice and that’s how this mentor/student relationship was formed.

Satan was a star pupil, but Mammon and Levi weren’t above trying to sabotage Satan’s progress to get him to leave.

Here’s the thing, the sabotage worked, but it only worked once, and the two idiots didn’t stop to think that maybe they shouldn’t sabotage the meal they were going to have to eat later.

Well, cooking lessons continued uninterrupted after the ghost pepper incident…

Even when he’s ‘graduated’ their little cooking class, Satan’s always willing to lend a hand if needed. He also will slyly hand over some recipe books and cute baking supplies that he finds. MC should be prepared for lots of cat related things to come their way.

Asmodeus

The human can cook? Oh frabcious day! He’s saved from a life of his brother’s mediocre cooking! And the human’s so cute too! What a bonus!

Not only is the human cute, but their food is just so… aesthetic??? Pretty???? Omigosh he just has to get a picture for Devilgram!

For the first few months, MC’s relationship with Asmo consists of Asmo not at all subtly asking to take pictures of their food and post it to his Devilgram. Listen MC, his followers would just love it!

Being the saint-sheep they are, MC lets Asmo sit in whenever they’re making anything in the kitchen. And Asmo slowly realizes “hey, this cute human with the awesome food is actually pretty cool too!”

New Mission: Make the human fall madly in love with him so they’ll want to hang out more.

Whether the mission succeeds is up to MC of course. (I mean, I’m already smitten with him sooooooooo-)

MC offers Asmo a lot of the pastries they make, but the Avatar of Lust almost always declines. Listen honey, he’s on a diet- wait, don’t make that sad face! He’ll eat it! Look! It’s- it’s delicious…

Diet cheat day is now every day MC makes dessert. The feeling of bliss Asmo gets when he takes a bite out of anything MC makes is only second of the treats is second only to the joy he feels at seeing MC happy that he likes their food. It’s just so wholesome I can’t-

MC’s food Devilgram has almost surpassed Asmo in terms of followers and honestly- he isn’t even mad.

Beelzebub

Gasp! Lucifer finally got him the pet personal chef he’d always wanted! Thanks big bro! :D he’ll be sure not to eat this human!

On the first night MC was supposed to make dinner, Lucifer needed to hold Beel back from breaking into the kitchen to see what was causing that heavenly smell. It was, difficult… especially because Lucifer hadn’t slept in three days.

When they all sat down to eat, Beel practically inhaled everything and held up his half bitten plate for seconds.

We here at Stupid Headcanons incorporated recommend that MC have as many bodyguards as possible stationed around the kitchen at all times to ward off a hungry Beel. We don’t want him eating the ingredients and half-tempered chocolate.

A cinnamon roll through and through, he’ll eat everything MC gives him with a big ol’ smile on his cute little face. He’s not the best person to go to if MC wants advice or critique because the best thing Beel can usually muster is “it was really good.”

As Luke said in Lesson 5, Beel would make an awful food reporter. But we love him.

Similar to Levi, he’ll give meal requests on what to make for dinner. (At this rate, MC’s going to have to make some kind of list).

He kind of just waits by the door like a sad puppy whenever MC is making anything because he can’t get into the kitchen :(

Belphegor

The smell of freshly made chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house did reach the attic and it only fuelled his rage more. How dare the human win everyone over with cookies?!

After the attic incident, Belphie was won over with cookies.

Belphie just stands creepily in the kitchen doorway whenever MC is making anything and just makes shit really uncomfortable. Why’s he doing that, you may be wondering, well, he’s trying to calculate the energy needed to swipe the bowl of cookie dough and sprint to safety.

He never succeeds, mainly because once he gets to the bowl, MC already has the wooden spoon ready to smack him, so he just freezes mid-theft and slowly puts the bowl down.

“Oh my gosh, it says let the bread dough rest overnight? Let’s get a headstart and go to sleep now.” “Belphie what-” “I made a pillow Fort, come in. Let’s sleep.” “In the kitchen????”

How’d he make the pillow Fort without MC noticing? Years of experience. He’s trained in the art of- MC? What do you mean you can’t sleep right now and you need to get a head start on shaping fondant?

…he may have eaten the fondant while MC wasn’t looking… whoops… Beel may have rubbed off on him a little…

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

heyyyy luv could you please bless us with a secret relationship and bucky :')

specifics: bucky is always disappearing from the compound and everyone figures that it's bucky being bucky.. but he's visiting his civilian girlfriend and knows that she'll be in danger the moment they go public so he doesn't even tell the team about her.. and their circumstances of meeting could be in the aftermath of some Avengers thing?

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Word Count: 2,837

Y/N had just hopped out of the shower and was now combing her hair and applying all your moisturizers. She was home alone in her small, one-bedroom apartment. She had some soft music playing from her laptop, trying to wind down from her day.

However, when she stepped out of the bathroom, there was a large man casually moving about her bedroom.

Y/N yelped and nearly dropped her towel from the fright.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Bucky! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

He immediately looked guilty and tried to make himself smaller and less intimidating. “I’m sorry, doll. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I thought you weren’t getting back until tomorrow,” she pointed out, hand still over her heart as if it would calm its racing.

He stepped over to her and gave her a hello kiss. “Got home quicker than we planned. I texted you, but I can obviously see that you were in the shower when I sent it.” He pointed to her phone that she’d left on her nightstand.

Then Bucky cupped her cheek and kissed her again, slower and more passionately this time.

“I really am sorry for scaring you,” he told her as he pressed his forehead against hers.

He could clearly hear the rapid beating of her heart with those insane super-soldier senses.

“It’s OK. Should be used to your sneaky, ninja ways by now.”

He chuckled.

That’s when Y/N saw the bruise on his left cheek. His hair was wet too. 

Bucky always showered before he came to see her after missions. Y/N had told him time and time again that he could shower at her place. Bucky always just shrugged and said it was quicker to do it at the compound. But he was actually just trying to hide all the blood that was left on his skin. Y/N didn’t need to see it. Especially when it wasn’t his blood.

“I’m fine. Just a few bruises. Don’t you go starting…” Bucky warned when he saw the concern in her eyes as she stared at his bruise.

Y/N sighed and allowed him to brush over it.

Then she moved around him to hunt for some pajamas and underwear.

“What’d you tell the team?” She tried to ask in a nonchalant manner as she shuffled through her dresser.  

“What do you mean?” Bucky played stupid.

Y/N straightened and turned to give him a look. “I mean, what lie did you tell them before you came over here.”

She didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh.

“I didn’t tell them anything. I snuck out when they were all in the kitchen eating.”

Y/N didn’t say anything, just went back to find clothes.

Bucky was suddenly filled with guilt. “Y/N–”

“It’s fine, Bucky.” She threw on a crew sweatshirt without even realizing that it was one of the many items of clothing Bucky left at her place.

“It’s not fine. You’re upset.”

She was fully dressed now and turned around to face him. “I’m not upset. I’m frustrated.”

Y/N was always one to be direct with her emotions. Never lied about being fine when she was not. Always told Bucky exactly how she was feeling, even if it took her a bit to fully figure out what that was. It was one of the countless reasons he loved her. And it made him less shy about expressing his own emotions. His mental and emotional health only improved because of it. Because of her.

“OK…” Bucky said slowly, inviting her to continue.

Y/N sighed and plopped herself on the edge of her bed. He sat down next to her. 

“Look, Bucky…I know why this – us – is secret. I understand where you’re coming from. I know…” She took a breath. “I know you do it because you think it keeps me safe. But the team…they’re more than the Avengers. They’re your friends. They’re your family. And I might not have ever met them, but from what you’ve told me, they would die before they told anyone your secrets.”

Bucky swallowed and was wringing his hands in his lap, head hung in slight shame. “I know that.”

“So why are you keeping me a secret from them?”

“It has nothing to do with you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Bucky immediately shot down. “I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of you, Y/N. Hell, every day I wake up and wonder how I even managed to snag a dame like you. If anyone should be embarrassed, it’s you.”

She waited for him to continue and explain.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Then he reached over to hold her hand. “It’s just…I feel like as soon as you meet them, our little bubble of happiness is going to pop.” His metal hand ran through his wet hair. “When I’m with you, I just feel like Bucky. Sometimes I even feel like my old self, that naive bastard from the 30s.” He sighed. “But as soon as I introduce you to that part of my life, I’m scared you’ll see all the things about myself that I don’t want you to. You’ll be reminded that I am – was – the Winter Soldier. That I’m not just Bucky, your boyfriend. I’m a surviving POW, I’m an assassin, a soldier, an Avenger. I won’t be able to hide all my baggage once that happens.”

Y/N watched him for a moment, love was in her eyes.

“Bucky, I knew those things all along.”

“I know. I know, doll. But I just – I don’t want anything to change between us.”

Y/N laughed lightly. “Of course things will change between us. That’s part of a relationship. We grow together.” She laughed again. “Or grow apart.” Then her smile dropped and she got serious. “But I don’t see the latter happening for us.”

Bucky just nodded in agreement.

“They love you like I love you.” Y/N shrugged sadly. “I just want to meet the people that take care of you when you’re not with me.”

Bucky gave her a sorrowful grin.

Y/N sighed. “I’m not going to pressure you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with. I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling about it all.”

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for telling me.”

Their night went on like it normally did. Bucky had returned Friday night, so now he got to spend the whole weekend with his girl.

When he was gone from the compound for long periods like this, Steve was the only one that really showed concern. He thought Bucky was always on some weird mental bender, going night after night without sleep and just wandering around. Bucky figured Steve imagined him trying to get drunk from one bar to the next.

Obviously Bucky felt guilty for unnecessarily worrying his best friend, especially when he was actually doing better than OK. But letting Steve believe in the false ideas was a sacrifice Bucky was willing to make in order to have Y/N in his life.

Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N’s argument for her to meet his friends. He understood completely where she was coming from. He wished he could give her that. He wished he could give her normal – that he was a different person, who didn’t have to hyper analyze every single decision in his life in order to keep himself and the people he loved safe.

But that kind of life was taken from him when he fell off that damn train.

————————————————

“You’re a god damn idiot, you know that?” Steve snapped at Bucky as he started ripping bandages from a roll with his teeth.

Bucky was currently laying down on the quinjet’s operating table.

“Sometimes I just hate that Captain America gets all the attention,” Bucky joked.

But Steve wasn’t laughing.

Because Bucky was bleeding out. 

And he was in pain, yes. But he wasn’t about to tell anyone that.

“Well, dying on me is definitely one way to steal the spotlight, punk.”

“Captain Rogers, if I could interrupt,” Vision was looking at Bucky over Steve’s shoulder. “The bullet was a through shot and it thankfully hit no important arteries or organs. Do not be fooled by the blood, Sergeant Barnes’ super-soldier enhancements will heal him faster than the average man.”

Steve ground his teeth, thankful for Vision’s scientific encouragement but also still irritated with Bucky’s condition. “Thanks, Vision.”

“See,” Bucky started coughing. He could only imagine how pale and clammy he looked. “I’m fine.”

“Oh. Well, I do still suggest we stop the bleeding or he will surely die of blood loss.” Vision piped in again.

Bucky glared at the cyborg. “We gotta work on your delivery, pal.”

Vision winced, but got out of Steve’s way.

“You just had to go and get yourself shot. You couldn’t let me take a bullet for once,” Steve muttered as he put pressure on Bucky’s giant wound.

“Well, you see, your shield was still planted in a brick wall and I saw someone pointing a gun at you. I thought my metal arm would do the trick but the bastard shifted his aim at the last minute.” He glared at Steve for real now. “I’m not sorry. And I’d do it again.”

Steve exhaled, knowing that there was no point in scolding Bucky. The man would sacrifice himself for any of his teammates and any civilian. That’s why Steve was friends with him.

“Hey, Steve?” For the first time since getting shot, Bucky sounded scared.

“Yeah, Buck.”

“I need you to do me a favor.”

Steve nodded. “OK…”

“You can’t…You can’t ask any questions. You just have to do it, OK? I promise I’ll explain later.”

His tone was starting to worry Steve. “Bucky, you’re not dying on me, you hear me? If this is some final wish, I’ll smack you.”

“I’m not dying today. I’ve been through worse shit. Just tell me you’ll do the damn favor, Steve.”

“OK. OK. OK. What is it?”

“I’m about to pass out from the blood loss. So, listen to me carefully.” Bucky’s eyes flickered around him to make sure no one else was paying attention to him. “I need you to get my cell. Find the contact labeled Smithsonian Institution Offices. Text them that I’d like my dog tags returned from the museum. She’ll know what to do from there.”

Bucky’s body relaxed once his instructions were finished. His eyes fluttered close. Sleep sounded nice.

“She?” Steve asked.

But Bucky was already passed out.

——————————————

Steve had been pacing in the welcome lobby of the compound for a solid 20 minutes now. He was pretty sure he’d correctly put together the puzzle pieces. But Steve was having trouble believing that Bucky would do what he was suspecting.

All pacing stopped when he saw security escorting a young woman through the doors.

She was beautiful. Anyone with sight would notice that immediately.

Even if her eyes were red – which Steve suspected was from crying – they were mesmerizing.

She looked uncomfortable and clearly felt out of place at the Avengers’ compound.

Steve stepped forward. “Y/N?” He asked carefully.

She stared at him for a moment, taking him in like she was trying to match up the reality to how she had pictured him in her head.

Then she nodded.

Steve eyed the two security guards on either side of her. “I’ll take it from here. Thanks.”

Then he turned his attention to Y/N. “Follow me.”

They started their journey through the large and complicated halls of the compound. Every so often, someone walking past them would eye Y/N, not recognizing her or wondering who was lucky enough to be in the company of Captain America.

“So…” Steve felt the need to break the silence on their long walk. “You and Bucky. You’re…”

“This is not how I wanted to meet you, Steve.” She quickly rushed out. “I’m so sorry. It was Bucky’s idea, keeping me a secret.”

“Oh, I know there was no way it was anyone’s idea but his own. This has Bucky written all over it. I’m just still trying to…” Steve scratched the back of his neck, “wrap my mind around it.” Then he shook his head. “It explains a lot actually: the late nights, leaving for days at a time, keeping his phone on him at all times.”

Y/N smirked then. “I send him a lot of stupid videos during the day. Mostly cats.”

They were at the medical wing then. Steve turned to face her. “I get it. I get why he did it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still hurt that he thought he couldn’t tell me.”

Y/N nodded in agreement, understanding where he was coming from. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m happy to be meeting you now. Obviously I wish the circumstances were better.” She gave him a sad smile. “He’s told me all about you. I feel like I know all of you actually.” She bowed her head. “I practically begged him to let me meet all of you. But Bucky – he’s very protective of me.”

Steve nodded. That same characteristic was the very reason Bucky was even injured in the first place.

“He might be sleeping. But he’s in the first room on the left. I’ll make sure no one bothers you.”

Y/N nodded. She was about to take a step forward, but then quickly changed her mind and hurriedly pulled Steve into a hug.

Steve was caught off guard by it, but quickly recovered.

“Thanks for always taking care of him, Steve.” She whispered into his shoulder.

“I think I should be the one saying that to you…”

Y/N pulled away and quickly wiped away tears with embarrassment. “Right. I should…” She awkwardly pointed to the room and walked away.

Steve was going to give them a moment. But his curiosity couldn’t be stopped.

Ever so quietly, he tiptoed to the edge of the room and stood hidden off to the side of the door.

“Doll, please don’t cry. I promise I’m OK. It’s all part of the job.” Steve heard Bucky trying to console her.

“When I got the text,” Y/N cried. “I just knew it wasn’t you who sent it. I knew something was wrong. I’d been feeling off all day.” She sniffed. “Bucky, I was so scared.”

“Shhh. I’m OK. Everything’s OK. Come here, Y/N.”

There was shuffling and Steve could only assume Bucky had pulled her entire body to him.

“I love you,” Y/N whispered.

“I love you too, doll.”

An hour later, Steve found both of them passed out. Even injured and asleep, Bucky had both his arms protectively around Y/N, holding her as close as possible. His nose in her hair. Her head on his chest.

——————

A week later, Bucky found Steve in the study.

He’d been discharged a couple days ago, but firmly ordered not to overexert himself. The team had let him heal, all of them slowly being told about Y/N’s existence and letting her be the one to nurse Bucky back to health in privacy.

“You want to talk about this?” Bucky asked as he leaned against the doorway.

Steve closed his sketchbook and rubbed his face with a sigh.

“You’re allowed to be mad at me, you know.” Bucky added.

“I get why you did it. I do.” Then Steve finally looked at him. “But that still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

“Y/N…she was the only thing in my life that was all mine and no one else’s. Everything else about me is owned by the world. My story, my history, my imprisonment. It’s out there for the world to read and make unfair judgements about.” Bucky shook his head. “I just couldn’t bare to bring Y/N into that: to be judged and criticized.”

“It’s me we’re talking about, Bucky.” Steve argued.

“But it wouldn’t stop there. Next it would’ve been Sam, then Nat, then Tony. It’s a slippery slope. All I ever wanted to do was keep her safe, Steve.”

“I know. I know.” Steve sighed. “That’s why I’m not mad at you.”

“You’re not?”

“Of course not.”

“That means a lot to me, Steve.”

“You know, it all makes sense now.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. “What does?”

“Why you’ve changed so much – and I mean for the better. You seemed happier, lighter, healthier. It’s because of Y/N, isn’t it?”

Bucky smiled even at just hearing her name. “Yeah, it is.”

Steve nodded and gave him a shy grin. “I talked to the team. They understand the situation.” His eyes grew heavy with earnestness. “Your secret is safe with us, Bucky.” He cleared his throat. “She’s one of us now. And we protect our own.”

“Thank you, Steve.”

“Can you just do us all a favor though? Can you start bringing her around? Maybe just properly introduce her to everyone at least?”

Bucky smiled. “I think we can manage that. Y/N would – that would make her really happy.”

--------------------------

I have a few more of these requests to fill. Honestly, they’ve been fun and a great palette cleanser.

Let me know what you think!

(My requests are no longer open FYI.) 

[slashbitch2]

Chapter Six (Jennifer Barkley x Reader)

Previous Chapter

The entire day, nay week leading up to Jen's arrival was fraught with tension. Time went all too quickly, yet dragged simultaneously. By Friday you were brimming with so much unnecessary energy that your productivity at work was comparable to that of Leslie, who's determination was currently your source of frustration. Had she not been so resolute about giving Jen a 'personal Pawnee tour', than you would've reunited at 5 rather than 9.

Admittedly, it was also your fault for not calling out her lengthy lie, but those extra four hours you had to suffer through were compensation enough.

In an attempt to pass the extra time, you tried to stay at work for longer, but Fridays were your half day and Ron demanded that you go home immediately, lest you do any extra government work. Reluctant to return to an empty house, you'd asked around if anyone wanted to hang out, and were met with a series of rejections.

Except for Ann, who upon being enlightened about the situation, insisted she help you get ready for your date (initially you refuted the title of 'date', but by the second hour of your evening it became tolerated). Her company, though unexpected, was more than welcomed. Having someone to share your excitement with made the increasing tension almost fun.

"Y/N?" Ann waved her hand in your line of vision, catching your attention. "We going in, or just spending the night in the car?"

"Don't tempt me." You muttered, grudgingly dragged out of your thoughts.

In front of you the queue to the The Snakehole Lounge was gradually growing. The sheer amount of people gathered outside was intimidating, so you dreaded to imagine how packed it'd be inside. Staying at home would've been preferable, but it seemed that time alone with Jennifer was not a luxury presently granted to you.

"Come on." Ann nudged you with her elbow. "You've been going on about this all day and now you're going to wuss out?"

You twisted round to face her, illuminated by the flickering multi-coloured lights beaming out the club's windows. She was watching you closely, trying to gauge how you felt based off expression alone. Despite all that was rushing through your mind, you were at a loss for words. How could you even begin to convey what you were currently feeling?

"Stop overthinking it." She said. "There's no way of knowing what'll happen when you see Jennifer again, but only you can change that, so just roll with it."

You paused to consider her suggestion, coming to the conclusion that she was more observant than you gave her credit for.

"You're right." You admitted, grateful that she'd knocked some sense into you. "Thanks." Awkwardly, you leant across the centre console to hug her. You didn't know Ann all too well, but needed some way of showing gratitude for her sensibility.

"This is nice." She relaxed into the embrace, then unwound an arm to glance at her watch. "But we're five minutes late so I'm pretty sure Leslie will be sending out a search party soon."

You chuckled, separating from Ann to glance at the building once more. Jen was somewhere inside waiting for you. She'd voluntarily returned to Pawnee, and to one of its less than fine establishments of all places, just because she wanted to see you again. The very notion had your heart racing.

"I'm ready."

---

The atmosphere of the club was as intense and unruly as expected. By the time you'd adjusted to the blinding lights and deafening music, Ann had already slipped away, replaced by Tom.

"Welcome this evening's esteemed VIP." He thrusted a disturbingly bright neon beverage into your hand. "Drink up."

"What is it?"

"Sweetums Fizz. My go-to drink for when I'm tryna get lucky." He winked. "But if it doesn't work out, feel free to give her my number."

Coming from Tom, that was the closest you would get to his blessings. So, unenthusiastically you took a sip of the dreadfully sweet drink , screwing up your face as you forced it down. Trying your best not to grimace at the taste, you smiled at him in thanks before he dispersed into the mass of people.

Next to approach was Leslie, who engulfed you in a crushing hug while spewing unintelligible nonsense about her trip. Usually her overly affectionate manner was too much, but this time you pulled her closer. If all went well tonight than you would be forever indebted to her.

Removing yourself from her grip, you interrupted her endless talk. "As much as I'd love to hear about Washington," You yelled over the obnoxiously loud music playing. "I can't hear a word your saying."

"Right." She nodded. "Wrong time, wrong place." There was a pause as the both of you were happy enjoying each others company. Since Jen's exit, Leslie had been so supportive and you'd missed her while she'd been gone.

Although, now wasn't the time for acknowledgements. "Have you seen Jen anywhere?"

"Oh, yeah." Leslie swivelled around and gestured in a general direction. "I think she said something about staying near the fire escape. Said this entire building was probably a hazard."

"That sounds like her." You grinned, spotting the green glowing fire exit sign. "Wish me luck."

"You don't need it." She patted your back, smiling reassuringly as you shuffled past.

Navigating through the crowd while keeping an eye on your target was a challenge. Several people bumped into you, their drink nearly spilling as they pushed past without an apology. However, nothing else mattered as you drew closer to the sign. Nothing else mattered except finding Jen.

Only she wasn't there.

As you struggled through the final row of people, you were met with yet another group of strangers. You sighed, absentmindedly swirling your glass as you resigned to return to Leslie. You then raised it to drink while turning round, though the necessary libation never reached your lips as you collided with someone.

The casualty gasped, stepping back as the cocktail spilled down the front of their dress.

"Shit." You froze, surveying the damage. "I'm so sorry-" You finally glanced up to face the woman and apologise again, but halted upon realisation.

Of course it was Jennifer. You just couldn't catch a break.

"I was going to surprise you, but looks like you got there first." She joked, scanning the vicinity for any kind of napkin. You joined the search, eventually spotting a couple abandoned on a table.

"Again, I am so sorry." You repeated, watching as she scrubbed at the stain. The attempt was futile as it didn't take long for the paper to be completely soaked through, and with little improvement to her dress. "Come on." You grabbed hold of her hand as she discarded the napkins, eager to try and improve this disaster of an event.

You maneuverer through the club with much difficulty while dragging Jennifer, who had an iron grip on your hand. Invigorated by the embarrassment, you arrived at the bathroom a mere minute later, all but shoving her inside one of the cubicles. Under the blaringly bright lighting you could assess the damage in greater detail.

"You know what?" She casually leant against the wall, waving her finger around. "I'm having some serious Deja-vu right now." You looked at her questioningly, pleased to see she didn't look too upset with the state of her dress. "Us together in a public restroom, you staring at my chest..."

You scoffed, reaching past her to grab the toilet paper. "Don't flatter yourself." You wrapped several layers around your hand, creating a makeshift towel. "Completely different circumstances."

"Same outcome though?" She raised an eyebrow suggestively, taking the bundle of paper from you.

"We'll just have to wait and see."

"I think you owe me." She scrunched up her face. "Or is throwing your drink over someone a traditional Pawnee welcome? Because that would explain the mess back there. Pretty sure every surface was sticky."

"Maybe you should wear one of those plastic ponchos next time." You muttered, nervously fidgeting with your hands.

The familiar anxiety from earlier seemed to have reappeared, you were unable to drag your eyes away from where they were fixated . Under the sobering bathroom light, everything had suddenly become very real. It had been years since you'd pursued any kind of serious relationship, and Jen was hardly the easiest person to start with. You tried to think about what Ann would say if she were here.

Probably something astute like "All the best things in life are worth fighting for." Too cheesy.

It'd be more "Nothing good comes out of running away from what you want, even if it's hard." Not inspirational enough.

Possibly "With great effort comes great gain." Nope. You'd definitely plagiarised that one from somewhere.

Maybe she'd-

"Y/N?" Jen ducked into your line of vision, bringing you back to reality. "Lost you there for a second." She smiled cautiously, resting a hand against your arm as if tethering you to the present.

"Sorry. I was thinking about something a friend said." You admitted sheepishly, placing your hand atop of hers. "Or would say if she were here."

"Oh yeah?" She carelessly threw the wad of paper behind, her full attention now on you. "And what would she say?"

You'd finally settled on what Ann would suggest. She'd say "Kiss her, idiot."

And you did.

[ibijau]

Oh, I love your Worst Engagement AU. I can't wait for Xichen saving Huaisang from water ghouls in Caiyi Town from the perspective of your AU! Hihihihihi~~~~

ok so, I have like half a second of hesitation because that amazing, beautiful, ultimate Xisang scene is only in the donghua, and I wanted to keep this in novel canon. But you know what? You know what? I love that scene and fuck canon.

ok, warning for... mild infidelity, on a technical sense? I mean, it’s not like they’re really emotionally together. Definitely as far as nhs is concerned. And warning for some quick discussion of the possiblity of underage characters having sex, I guess.

Caiyi town isn't exactly the most fun place in the world, but being anywhere outside of the Cloud Recesses feels like a blessing, so Nie Huaisang doesn't complain. It's a little bothersome being forced to carry his sabre around, but that too is a small price to pay for a reprieve from rules.

They are, technically, under Lan Xichen's supervision, and they are in Caiyi town to hunt down... monsters of some kind. Nie Huaisang honestly didn't pay much attention, and even if he had, he knows it wouldn't help him much. What he does know is that Lan Xichen has briefly abandoned them to go secure some boats for their Night Hunt, which means for at least the next half hour, Nie Huaisang is free.

Mostly, he's free to hang out with Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and complain that there's not much to do, but it's still freedom. Besides, if his plan works well, he'll create his own entertainment later.

“Why did you even agree to come?” Jiang Cheng grumbles when he gets tired of Nie Huaisang whining about the lack of interesting shops.

Nie Huaisang shrugs, but his eyes go down the street, toward the Lans boys who came along and are trailing a little behind them. One in particular happens to be looking at him, although he turns away as soon as their eyes meet, his cheeks colouring.

“No particular reason,” Nie Huaisang says, as if he isn't determined that he'll have given away his first kiss by the time this stupid Night Hunt is over. “I just thought it'd be fun to see how it feels with nicer company.”

“Night Hunts are not a game,” Jiang Cheng points out.

“But they can be fun,” Wei Wuxian quickly adds, grinning. “Maybe you'll start liking them, and we can Night Hunt together again after we're done with classes here. Do you think your brother would let you come to Yunmeng sometimes?”

“Not unless I improve my cultivation a lot,” Nie Huaisang sighs, glancing behind again.

That same Lan boy meets his eyes with more intent this time, before saying something to his companions and drifting from their group. He goes into a small alley, and Nie Huaisang struggles not to grin. He wasn't sure the other one would actually dare to follow along his very shameless plan.

“You know, I've changed my mind about that candy shop we saw earlier,” Nie Huaisang suddenly announces. “I'll go grab some. If Lan gongzi is back before me, tell him I'll be right there, okay? I'll try not to take too long.”

“Oh, grab some for me too,” Wei Wuxian asks, throwing him some money. “We'll be around. Jiang Cheng, do you think we can fine a wine seller somewhere? We'll need something to celebrate our victory with!”

The two brothers start bickering about whether it is appropriate or not to already think of the aftermath of a Night Hunt when it could bring bad luck. Nie Huaisang quickly escapes, and makes his way to that alley.

He does buy some candies in the end, because it'd be odd if he didn't. They're far too sweet for his preferences, but it matters a little less when he gets to taste them on someone else's lips and tongue. 

Nie Huaisang, as it turns out, loves kissing. He suspected he would, or he wouldn't have bothered trying, but it really is a nice sensation, even with a clumsy boy whose name he still hasn't bothered to learn.

It's a shame that he won't get much of that once he's married, he thinks after that Lan boy has left the alley first so they won't be seen together. There's little chance that Lan Xichen would want to kiss him, so he'll have to get his fill before their marriage.

He might also try sex, he decides as he, too, finally leaves the alley. He doesn't think there's any real law against him tumbling into bed with someone else before he becomes tied for life to Lan Xichen, so it should be fine, if he can just convince someone to give him a chance. It can't be a girl, there's too much risk of a scandal. It can't be a Lan, that'd create too many problems down the line. Wei Wuxian could be a tolerable option perhaps, but he only looks at girls (and on occasions at Lan Wangji) so that's not going to work. Jiang Cheng is very attractive, but he's both too stuck up and too aware of inter-sect politics to touch the future husband of a future sect leader. Someone else then, someone pretty and self-important enough that he wouldn't care about upsetting Lan Xichen. Someone like...

Just as he is thinking about him, Nie Huaisang hears the voice of Jin Zixuan coming from the canal, followed by that of Wei Wuxian.

It is a gift, a talent that Wei Wuxian had, and it never ceases to amaze Nie Huaisang how his friend, somehow, always ends up bumping into the people who most dislike him. Lan Wangji, Jin Zixuan... Wei Wuxian seems to have a sixth sense to spot them, and for someone so smart, he's really stupid when it comes to realising he could just avoid them.

With a sigh, Nie Huaisang hurries in the direction of their voices. When he realises that these two are alone, without at least Jiang Cheng to keep them in check, he jumps on a small boat and hurries to take it between theirs. Someone has to avoid a diplomatic incident, and it's not going to be these two idiots and their overblown egos.

His peacekeeping efforts are mildly starting to work, or so Nie Huaisang tells himself. It soon stops to matter when a bunch of water bloated corpses spring from the canals and start attacking them.

It all goes very fast. One moment Nie Huaisang was trying to get Jin Zixuan to just calm down for five seconds, the next there's a huge, ugly, stinky creature trying to climb onto his boat. The weight of that thing is such that the other side of the boat starts rising from the water, forcing Nie Huaisang to cling to the sides so he doesn't fall into the monster's grasp.

“Help!” he cries out. “I'm going to fall, somebody help!”

But Wei Wuxian is off saving civilians, and Jin Zixuan is under attack by several water ghouls, so neither can intervene. Nie Huaisang closes his eyes and grasps the wood tighter, wondering if he might manage to unsheathe his sabre without falling, if he can let himself fall and try to strike at the ghoul on his way down. If he were any good as a cultivator, it'd be as easy as breathing, but he's never done anything like this, never had to hit anything scarier than a practice dummy, and that ghoul is big and...

While Nie Huaisang holds on to the boat and panics over what to do, someone joins him on the boat, so light on their feet that the movement barely registers, and with one smooth slash of their sword, they dispatch the ghoul. Immediately the boat falls back on the water with a splash, but Nie Huaisang doesn't even mind that he gets sprayed.

“Thank you!” he exclaims with a grateful smile that turns into a grimace when he wipes the water from his eyes and realises who saved him. “Lan gongzi?”

Of course it'd have to be him. Lan Xichen smiles down at him as if expecting to be praised for the rescue, not a single hair out of place, not a stain on his white robes. Nie Huaisang looks away, refusing to give him that pleasure. It doesn't matter in the end because Lan Xichen quickly leaves him alone to help the others deal with the rest of the creatures while Nie Huaisang sits on his boat, utterly useless.

When the fight is over, they all regroup on the bank of the canal to decide what to do. Nie Huaisang expects Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to be excited that they got to fight and show off already, but instead he finds them oddly serious. They seem like entirely different people all of a sudden, like real cultivators instead of the two goofy kids he's grown used to play with. It's an unpleasant reminder that with them too, there's a divide he can't ever expect to cross. Nie Huaisang is surrounded by amazing people, while he struggles with flying on his sabre for even an incense's stick duration.

He tries to remind himself that he has qualities too, that he doesn't need to play by their rules, that his friends like him even without any cultivation capacity to speak of. It brings him little comfort, especially when he hears Lan Xichen starts to explain how they will proceed from then on, and he realises that he doesn't know how to do most of the things his fiancé is speaking about.

As if guessing his thoughts, Lan Xichen suddenly turns towards him with a look of doubtful appraisal on his face.

“Huaisang, since you're not up to fight after all, just wait for us here,” he advises.

A second ago, Nie Huaisang was ready to beg to be left behind. Now that Lan Xichen is the one demanding it, he feels for the first time in his life an intense desire to really take part in a Night Hunt.

“Lan-gege has so little trust in me,” he complains with a pout. “How am I ever going to improve if I never get to try? I want to try. I'm sure my brother also would want me to, Lan-gege,” he insists, putting as much emphasis as he dares on the nickname and... yes, just as he hoped, it appears to annoy Lan Xichen.

It annoys him so much that a touch of red appears on his cheeks. Just to have gotten a reaction out of his bothersome fiancé, Nie Huaisang is ready to put up with whatever it is people even do on Night Hunts. Between the kissing and making Lan Xichen flush in anger, this is quite possibly the best day of his life.

“This situation appears more serious than I realised when I invited you along,” Lan Xichen replies. “Of course I trust Nie gongzi to do better than what others might expect, but I do not think this is appropriate for a first Night Hunt.”

It's Nie Huaisang's turn to blush in embarrassment, and he glares at Lan Xichen for saying so casually, in front of so many others, that he's never been on a Night Hunt before. It's not exactly untrue, he's never done more than the sort of very easy stuff any child will do, and it all stopped around the time of the engagement because he was so bad and had become too much of an asset to be put at risk.

Just because it's true doesn't mean it needs to be shared.

“Then I will do as Lan-gege orders, of course,” Nie Huaisang says with a short bow. “Lan-gege always knows best, doesn't he?”

“Go wait for us at the inn,” Lan Xichen orders, apparently pleased with how easily his fiancé complies. “Hopefully we'll be back before sunset. Try to have fun if you can, but don't get in trouble.”

Nie Huaisang bites the inside of his cheeks and smiles as sweetly as he can, because there's people around and he knows better than to publicly humiliate his fiancé. But he'll get revenge for this someday, and for everything else as well.

And what better revenge can there be than to make that annoyingly pure and perfect Lan boy marry someone who has already tried dual cultivation?

Besides, it's not like Lan Xichen is ever going to touch him anyway, so he'll have to get his fun where he can get it, while he can get it.

[thecourtsknight]

I already know the answer to 💐 for alexandra but I need you to tell the public anyways. also, 🥀 for alexandra as well, 🌠 for quill (I think quill's a level 8 Baby), 💦 for stag, and 🌳 for rufus

TELL THE PU BL IC WHAT??? THAT SHES A BRAT?? DFGKJH. okay okay.

gunna have to put this under a read more.

For Alex

How does your OC handle being unwell or forced to rest in bed? Who cares for them and in what ways? Does your OC enjoy being doted on or are they a terrible patient? Reversed: is your OC good at taking care of others who are ill or in need?

Awful. Genuinely unbearable. This woman acts like she has to work 24/7 or her bones will turn into sawdust. She will do anything she can to stay out of a bed, her getting any kind of illness aggravates her to no extent and she makes sure everyone around her knows that. I’d say the main people who fuss over her most is, understandably, Cornelius as its his fucking job but probably Florence? and definitely Quill. Even though she’s usually denied entry as not to catch or spread anything Alex might have.

I wouldn’t say she hates being doted on. She’s prideful and it does feel odd to have someone literally take care of her in that sense because no ones done that since her parents but in a weird way she does appreciate it and shes not one to not thank someone looking out for her. She mind drive Cornelius insane with how much she doesn’t do what he asks but she will thank him at the end of the day when she finally agrees to sleep for a bit. 

It’s very much a “thank you, I really appreciate all of this... but also I am getting out of the bed.” 

Being reversed on the other hand. Alexandra cares a lot of for folks, she isn’t the best at knowing what to do if they’re sick but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t try. She’s always been one to do what she can for other people if she has the means to, it’s why she tries to stay so in tune with her crew and actively ask them if there’s anything that can be done to help if something is truly bothering them. And then all of this kinda got turned up to an 11 when Quill came on board because. 

Well. It’s. Quill. Alexandra had honestly never felt the actual fear of someone getting sick until Quill got sick when she was younger and it actually had her kind of frazzled, because this was no longer an adult she could offer support to this was a child that was her responsibility. She is actually a surprisingly good caregiver though, she’s very diligent and focused with making sure someone is recovering well but not as strict as someone like Cornelius. She won’t give someone too much shit for wanting to get up when they’re sick because hey haha handshake emoji.

How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?

Alexandra, for the most part, has a very. Confusing way of writing. She writes pure chicken scratch for one and a lot of her notes can end up sounding utterly confusing. She’s not one to draw unless she REALLY has to because shes not very confident or even really that comfortable with sketching something. Quill’s always been the better visual artist even if her artistic skills aren’t really that great either. 

She’ll often find herself writing things down like ‘Solid Iron. Fire. Moth’s Wing.’ which makes no fucking sense but then she’d explain that something she’s researching will most likely be made out of solid iron, have something to do or be aligned with fire elements and its rumored to cause a supposed affect when Moth’s Wings are used as fuel. But to anyone else its like what the fuck am I reading. 

She actually struggles writing coherently a lot of the time but she had to for her own novels, those honestly ate up so much of her time journeying back from places which was a blessing and a curse because she’d much rather be enjoying being out and about on the deck and enjoying the trip back to land instead of cooped up in her god damn quarters trying to recap shit. 

An example of a more put together entry that you’d find in her novels would be something like: 

‘I believe one of the many things we came across and managed to get our hands on was a Belt of Dwarvenkind. For any readers who might not know what such items are rumored to do let me explain. If you’re not of Dwarven Lineage for starters you can write, read and even speak Dwarvish. (I can confirm, firsthand, that this is very much true. It was one of the first things I ran to check once we got back to my dear ship.) Your vision in the dark improves exceedingly well and according to most sources I could find you handling poisonings or anything that perhaps might have a bit more of a poisonous sting to its arsenal a lot more thoroughly. As much as I’m sure you’re all dying to know my findings on that one I wasn’t exactly in the mood this evening to put that one to the test.

 Though anyone who wears this belt will immediately feel a lot more thoroughly stronger and resilient and I can vouch. There’s also mentions of it being worn makes speaking to Dawrven kind a lot more smoother though that implies that Dwarves aren’t already a wonderful bunch to converse with. Attuning to such an item felt like a no-brainer with all of these wonderful effects but alas three things stood in my way. Belt’s like this don’t exactly suit me, secondly I’d rather give these artifacts the proper home they deserve to be studied in more depth and have at the ready instead of being here with me and I always uphold to that and third... From what little knowledge I could grab, there appears to be a rather common chance for people who don this belt to grow out a full-on beard and... Unfortunately, due to wanting to attempt to attune to the belt and test a few things out I’d rolled rather luckily on such a chance, if you can call it that. So I can confirm firsthand that this side-effect of sorts is entirely true for this belt. Unless something cursed me back in that building to grow a beard. You can never tell’ 

For Quill(and techincally me)

On a scale of 1 - 10 how Baby is your OC? BONUS when asking this question rate the OC yourself as see if the reply matches up!!

I’d say an 8 is pretty much there. 7-8 would’ve been my guess. She might try to act big and strong and put on a whole show of it but really... she is just a soft idiot who really wants to rest her head in someones lap and have her hair played with. 

For Stag!

If you as the writer could erase one traumatic event from this OC’s life what would it be and why?

Honestly? I’d say her dad passing away, especially in the originally way I saw it. As much as its important to the story beats of Stag’s own story, its something as of late I wouldn’t mind reworking into something else. Though I’m also okay with it staying. 

And Rufus!!! 

What is your OC’s favourite way to relax after a stressful day? Do they have a favourite book to curl up with? A hobby? Or do they have a nice bubble bath and have an early night to bed?

Rufus likes to sit and watch things. An ideal evening for them would be watching some birds try to find things for their nests, watching ants carry things back to help their colony. Watching the way the wind shakes the trees as the sun starts to set. 

If there’s nothing really available to focus on reading is their usual go to. They like to read outside if they can, and just gather their thoughts or cook with their mother. Gardening also comes to mind if they really need something to do with their hands but thats only if they’re utterly frustrated and need something to actually focus that negative energy into.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Extraordinary

Characters: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve is just trying to get through his day to day life in the wake of The Battle of New York, working at SHIELD and trying to ignore his own personal demons. Then he meets Y/N, a librarian who sees more than just the mantle of Captain America. 

Content Warning: some negative inner dialogue

Word Count: 3.1k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! This was written for the oh-so-talented @lancsnerd ‘s 1k Challenge. I picked the quote “You’re not special. You’re extraordinary.” for Steve. I really had a blast with this prompt and I hope you all enjoy the fic! XOXO - Ash

Extraordinary

“A hero? Like you?” Tony spits out incredulously,  “You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle!”

Tony’s words echo in Steve’s head as he wakes with a start. Heart pounding, chest heaving, he tries to get his bearings. A dream. Just a dream. The words though, those still sting. Even a year later Steve can’t shake the feeling that Tony was right. Shit. He’s never getting back to sleep now. 

Steve drags himself out of bed, ignoring the alarm clock’s judgmental blue glow of 4:15am. At least he made it past 3am this time. Sleep problems are common in people with PTSD, his therapist had told him. She offered him medication to help but Steve declined, not sure how well it would work with his super soldier metabolism anyways. He dresses quickly, wanting to get a run in before breakfast. Steve has plenty of time, SHIELD doesn’t require him to show up until 9am, but he’s normally there before eight. He likes feeling useful, and having a steady job at SHIELD has been centering for him.

Steve runs a full marathon before the sun even comes up. He returns home just over an hour later, sweaty and finally starting to feel his muscles burn a little. It’s nice being able to lose himself for a little while in the steady rhythm of his feet hitting the pavement. He stares at his coffee maker for a moment before deciding it isn’t worth the hassle. It’s strange, having the luxury of getting coffee out just because he feels like it. The 1940s still feel like they were a few years ago and Steve’s depression era values run deep. He will admit though, there’s something to be said for takeout. Steve powers through two protein bars as he gets ready for a shower, needing something in his system before he crashes. It’s obnoxious some days how much his enhanced body requires, but he manages. It’s just one of the many unexpected side effects of Erskine’s serum.

Surviving Project Rebirth had been a blessing and a curse. Steve had finally gotten everything he wanted; a chance to fight for what was right, to do something meaningful with his life. But it came with a high price: his freedom. Steve’s life hasn’t been his own since the moment he stepped out of the vita-ray pod. He wasted so much time being the military’s dancing monkey and then once they realized he could fight, it was one battle after another. Even in this new century, he was thrust into a battle for mankind shortly after thawing out. Working for SHIELD for the past year has felt like a vacation after WWII and the Battle of New York. 

Steve clears the steam from the bathroom mirror after his shower, needing to do a quick shave. He stares at his reflection long after his face is back to its standard smoothness. Tony was right, his inner demons whisper. Fraud. Nothing. Worthless. Steve knows he’s supposed to reframe his thoughts and move past his negative inner dialogue, but in the moment he just can’t summon the will to care. Running a comb through his hair, he heads into the bedroom to dress for the day. He may not feel up to it at the moment but given a little time and some coffee, he’ll be okay by the time he gets into the office. 

The sounds of the city in downtown DC remind Steve of the Brooklyn of his youth and he’s comforted by the familiar hustle and bustle. He almost doesn’t see the oncoming trash truck when you step off the sidewalk to cross the street. A step behind you, Steve catches the large green truck out of the corner of his eye. The truck barely stops at the light and makes an illegal right turn on red, barreling straight for you. Steve, in a burst of speed, slams into you, scooping you up in his arms and rolling into the other lane out of the way of danger. As his broad shoulders collide with the pavement he holds you as tightly as he can, letting his body take the brunt of the impact. People on the sidewalk scream watching the scene unfold, but it’s all background noise to Steve who is only focused on the squeak of surprise you make as you roll. 

You come to a stop with Steve below you and he’s frantic to make sure you’re okay. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” he asks urgently.

You blink a few times, gaining your bearings. One minute you’re crossing the street to work, the next you’re using America’s most famous super soldier as a human mattress. Not how you expected your day to go, to say the least. “I’m okay. I think.”

Steve frowns, still concerned. “You could be in shock. Here, let’s get you up.” 

You start to get up on your own but the second you’re off him Steve jumps up and reaches out. You accept his hand, pulling yourself up from the dirty DC street and trying in vain to straighten out your clothes. Steve collects your messenger bag and has it ready to hand over as soon as you’re done fussing with your silk blouse that is definitely going to need a trip to the dry cleaners after this. “Thanks.” you give him a small smile as you take your bag. 

Steve feels his breath catch in the wake of your smile. You’re petite compared to him, your smart bun is a little mussed from the rolling and your cheeks are flushed. He tries to ignore his interest in your soft feminine curves but Steve would have to be blind not to notice you. Almost a hundred years old and he still doesn’t know how to act around a pretty girl. Idiot. Useless, his demons hiss. “Let me buy you a cup of coffee,” he blurts out before his brain can catch up, “If you’re in shock then I can at least keep an eye on you for a bit.” 

First he saves your life, now he’s offering you coffee. Captain America indeed. “You don’t have to, really. I was going to just stop in at La Columbe on my way to work.” 

“I was headed there too! Come on, I’ll feel a lot better knowing you’re not gonna pass out the second the shock wears off.” Steve gives you his very best earnest expression, “Please? I’m Steve, by the way.” he adds as an afterthought.

“Hi Steve.” you try not to laugh. Like you hadn’t recognized the literal symbol of America. “I’m Y/N.” 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. So, coffee?” 

“Sure, why not?” you agree. Steve’s face lights up like the sun and you’re blinded by it. Part of you wonders if the truck actually hit you and you’re dead, or maybe in a coma dreaming. Only the slight ache in your shoulder gives you confidence that this surreal experience is your real life.

You follow Steve down the block to your favorite coffee shop, making small talk along the way by explaining you work at the library two blocks over. You’ve run the children's programs and adult literacy group there for the past four years. Steve seems genuinely interested in your work which is both surprising and sweet. 

There’s no line at the coffee shop so you take a minute to pick your drink while Steve orders his usual Americano and a bag full of breakfast sandwiches. He looks bashfully over at you once he’s done, insisting you add your coffee to his tab. You settle on a smoked butterscotch latte, it’s been a while since you had one. You stop there every morning before work but never order the same drink twice in a row.

You try to get Steve to talk about himself while you wait for your drinks but he’s adorably vague. “Steve,” you stop him with a gentle hand on his forearm, “I know who you are. It’s okay.” 

Steve barks out a laugh, “Sorry. I forget sometimes. Okay then, I’m heading into the office to consult on a mission from last week. They have me review mission reports to make notes on how we can improve things in the future.” 

“That’s actually really cool.” you tell him. You would have said more but your orders are up and Steve hands you your paper to go cup. “Well, thanks for the drink, Steve. And the whole saving me thing.” you joke.

“Any time ma’am.” he quips, full of cheesy Captain America charm. You’re surprised and delighted to find he has a little bit of sass to him. “Really though,” he adds in a normal tone, “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I am, thanks to you.” 

There’s an awkward moment before you part. You don’t want to come across as a crazy fangirl but you also want to talk to him again sometime. Then again, you’re a librarian who’s closest friends are books and he’s Captain freaking America. You squash down the impulse and part ways with a smile. At least you’ll have an interesting story to tell Ellen at work. 

A few days go by and Steve keeps hoping to see you again at the coffee shop. It’s completely ridiculous but he wants to check on you and make sure you’re okay. It also doesn’t hurt that you’re beautiful. Steve spends two days debating with himself if it would be creepy or kind to pop by the library to check on you. By Friday morning he’s talked himself into it as he wraps up his run. He throws on a smart looking button up shirt and makes sure his hair is slicked back nicely in a way Natasha insists is stylish. Fool. Impostor. Idiot. His head demons whisper as he checks himself in the mirror one last time. He forces himself to ignore them and heads out in the warm summer air. 

Steve realizes as he stands on the steps of the library that he doesn’t know your schedule. Or your last name. He steels himself for impending failure and heads inside. He can at least try. 

Your voice carries through the quiet library and it calms him immediately. “- and he hopped so high that his ears brushed the branches above. That’s good hopping thought little nutbrown hare…” 

Steve follows the sound of your voice across the library where he finds you sitting cross legged on a brightly patterned carpet in front of a small herd of preschoolers. Your tone and expressions keep the kids engaged as you read them a story and Steve is spellbound. He hangs back quietly leaning on a bookcase, watching you lead the group and waiting for you to finish. It doesn’t take long before the group disbands and you’re on your own to clean up after receiving a few enthusiastic hugs from the kids. 

“Hey, Y/N.” Steve says walking over to you. 

You look up, not having noticed him before. “Steve!” you try to stifle how excited you are by his presence. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. Thought I’d drop by to see how you’re doing.” 

“I’m fine, really. I promise. Your life saving skills are excellent.” 

“Glad I haven’t lost my touch being behind a desk.” 

“Definitely not.” you assure him, “So, anything I can help you with while you’re here?” 

Steve realizes he hadn’t thought much past seeing you again. “Could I take you out for a cup of coffee?” 

“I’m working right now.” Steve’s heart drops in his chest, “But I’ll be free for lunch around one.”

Lunch. Not just coffee, but an actual meal. Hope renews in Steve. “I can do that. I could pick you up here?” 

“Sure. There’s a few places around here, so we have options.” 

“Okay great,” Steve tries to reign in his enthusiasm, “I’ll see you then.” Steve gives you a blinding smile before you part ways and it makes you wonder if the fluttering feeling in your chest might be reciprocated after all. 

Steve arrives back at the library at one o’clock sharp, not really caring if it messes up his schedule at Shield. He never takes a real lunch, often just grabbing a tray of something in the cafeteria and dragging it back up to his office to eat while he works. It’s nice getting out in the warm sunshine in the middle of the day. Steve spots you coming out at the same time he’s heading up the stairs and he gives you a small wave. “Ready to go?” he calls as he meets you on the stairs. 

“Absolutely.” you grin, “What are you in the mood for?” 

“I eat just about anything.” 

“Me too. Um, there’s a really good taco truck around the corner. We could eat in the park?” 

“Sounds great.” Steve agrees easily. It’s not a conventional type of first date and that makes it almost more exciting to him. 

You show Steve the way to your favorite food truck where you have to suppress your surprise when he practically buys out the truck. He apologizes profusely, making sure the guys know if they need to wait on other people first he’s fine waiting. 

“Steve,” you finally attempt to get his attention, “You know it’s okay to order yourself a meal, right? You don’t have to keep apologizing, these guys are used to the lunch rush.” 

Steve’s cheeks redden and he rubs a hand on the back of his neck, a visible nervous tick. “I know.” he says, but his words don’t sound convincing even to himself. 

A few others do show up while you wait but as expected, the guys are used to the rush and have no trouble keeping up. After only a few minutes they’re calling Steve’s name and he hurries over to collect your bags. A pair of girls are eyeing him as he accepts the food, whispering in the least subtle way possible. They can’t be more than twenty and they’re frantically typing on their phones as they whisper. 

“Are you, Captain America?” the braver of the two asks him.

“Yes, ma’am.” Steve replies. His tone is friendly yet guarded and you watch him with curiosity. 

The girls giggle, and the other speaks up, “I did a whole history project on you and the Howlies a few years ago. You’re a real inspiration.” 

“Um… thank you.” Steve says, rubbing the back of his neck nervously again. “You ladies have a nice day.” He’s moving away before they can even say goodbye, making a beeline for you.

Finding a picnic table over by the shade trees Steve lays out the food, your taco platter looking pitiful next to his spread. Steve’s shoulders start to loosen a little as you start chatting about your day. You see him cringe when the girls from earlier walk past, but they don’t stop or say anything, only giving him quick little waves as they pass by. 

“That has to be a little overwhelming.” you comment mildly.

“Hmm?” Steve hums, mouth full of taco.

“Being recognized all the time.” you clarify. “It has to be a little overwhelming.” 

Steve nods, “Yeah, I’m still getting used to it. I just don’t get it. I’m really nothing special.” 

You laugh lightly, “Steve, you’re Captain America. You’re not special, you’re extraordinary.” 

“I’m just a kid from Brooklyn who never learned to stand down in a fight.” he shrugs. 

“And grew up to save the world. Twice.” 

“Nah, I had a lot of help with that.”

“You really suck at letting people compliment you, you know that?” you tease.

Steve sighs, shaking his head, “I just don’t get it. I don’t want to be Cap all the time. Sometimes I just want to be Steve Rogers.” 

“Well there’s your problem then.” Steve looks at you expectantly to continue. “Because Steve Rogers is pretty damn extraordinary too.” 

Steve stares at you for a stunned moment. He doesn’t even know how to respond to adequately express how much your words mean to him. No one has wanted Steve just for himself since Peggy and that had been a lifetime ago. For once the demons in his head are silent. Steve takes a long, steadying breath before speaking. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Nothing to thank me for. Now, tell me, what does Steve Rogers do for fun?”

Steve laughs at the topic change. “Have you heard of the show Parks and Recreation?”

“That is literally the best show.” you give your words a Chris Traeger inflection and watch as a wide smile breaks out on Steve’s face.

“Nice. Well, I’m watching that right now. I’m about halfway through the list of important things to watch and this show’s actually pretty good.” 

“You have a list? What else is on it?” you wonder who made it for him and if any other of your favorite shows are on it.

“How much time do you have?” Steve jokes.

“For you, I have all the time in the world.” 

But you didn’t have all the time in the world. You didn’t need to get back to the library for the next group until 3:30 and you had thought that would be more than enough time. Instead the minutes flew by as you talked with Steve and by the time you finish, you’re racing back to the library to make it there on time. Talking with Steve was as easy as breathing and you were disappointed when you realized you were out of time. You had kept the conversation on generic ‘getting to know you’ topics, keeping away from anything Avengers related since he seemed uncomfortable talking about his public persona. While a tiny part of your brain had swooned over Captain America at first, you’re currently swooning over Steve Rogers himself. He’s kind, surprisingly funny, and as you suspected, genuinely a good man. 

“Y/N, wait!” Steve calls out, causing you to stop in the doorway to the library. You had already said your goodbyes but Steve’s mouth had gotten ahead of his brain yet again. 

You look to him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

He takes a long breath, bracing himself against his own nerves.“Can we do this again sometime?”

“Yeah, Steve. We can.”

[willow-salix]

Isolation update!

Day 69 of Isolation on Tracy Island.

Have you ever heard that saying, don't do a flat pack project with someone you love? Yep, well apparently the Tracy boys hadn't. Let me explain.

Virgil and I went out to gather the weekly supplies of essentials, including beard oil, gentle bear shampoo, moisturizer and other things they suddenly deemed essential now that they were hairy and to pick up any orders that had been delivered and were waiting for us.

As usual we made quick work of the essentials shopping, flying through the list as we flew through the aisles, in and out in under an hour, which just goes to show how fast you can get things done when you don’t have Grandma or Gordon with you.

We stopped off at the storage unit on the way home, and once again it was like a magical mystery as to just what might be in there this week. The packages that appeared in there depended on many things, how busy we had been, how bored we were, how much time we had on our hands, which shopping hole I’d fallen into, the reasons were many and varied.

This time we had a number of boxes addressed to Brains, seven weighted hula hoops (because yes, the boys had talked me into agreeing to teach them as well as Kayo) a few other boxes of things that had been ordered and two large, very heavy crates addressed to Gordon. Virgil had to strap on his exo-suit just to get them loaded into Two’s pod.

“What do you think he’s ordered?” I asked as we headed back home.

“It’s Gordon, it could literally be anything, I gave up guessing what he was up to when he was five.”

“That instills me with such confidence, thank you for that.”

“You expected me to lie?”

“No, I expected you to evade the truth for comfort purposes.”

“Next time, ask Scott.”

We left Gordon’s crates in the hanger and went to grab some lunch, and by grab lunch I mean I stole half of John’s sandwich and poured a cup of coffee, that would do, we may have snacked on Doritos on the way home.

“Gordo, you’ve got two crates down in the hanger,” Virgil told him as he took my coffee cup.

“Yesss!” Gordon ran off without another word.

“Is nothing safe in this house?” I asked, pouring another cup of coffee for myself.

“You just took my sandwich,” John pointed out.

“Yeah, but that’s different.”

“”How?”

“Because what’s mine is yours and yours is mine, it’s how life works.”

“I don’t think that counts with food.”

“Sure it does, also you have a package,” I slid it over. “Did you buy me something nice?”

“If a new GPU for the gaming computer I’m building for Alan is nice for you, then sure.”

I made a face. “No, it’s fine, he can have it.”

“Generous of you,” he replied, stealing my coffee.

***

Gordon hadn’t returned almost an hour later after we finished our leisurely lunch, so in our infinite wisdom, we decided to track him down and see if he needed any help. It turned out he needed way more than we had expected.

“Gordon, what the heck?” Virgil stared in disbelief, taking in the mass of parts that were spread all over the floor of the hanger. Gordon was sitting in the middle of them, looking like he’d lost the will to live.

“Virgil, thank God, you have to help me,” he begged.

“What do you even have here?” John asked, looking around in disbelief.

“It’s supposed to be a golf cart.”

“A golf cart?” I asked, not sure I’d actually heard him properly. The island had a lot of things but a golf course was not one of them. “Why would you need a golf cart?”

“Two.”

“Bless you.”

“No, two, as in I have two.”

“Two of them? What are you going to do with two golf carts?” I had to ask.

John, being the sensible one, had located the instructions still inside the crate and had been studying them.

“Correction, what are you going to do with two old golf carts from 2006?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out. So, will you help me?”

We should never have said yes. That was our first mistake.

Two hours later, Alan, Scott and Brains had joined us and I wasn't talking to any of them because they were just ridiculous.

“How can we not figure out how to put this together?” Gordon groaned. “We have two engineers and an electronics wizard and the rest of us aren't dumb either, yet we still can’t get past this?”

“How long have they been doing this?” Kayo asked me. We were perched on the discarded crate and happily sipping OJ.

“Coming up to three hours now I think.”

“I bet we could do it quicker than them,” she whispered.

“Oh, undoubtedly. All they have done is argue. John is trying to follow the instructions but Brains is trying to improve them.”

She snorted.

“Virgil is trying to go through it methodically and lay out all the pieces, but Alan keeps picking them up and asking John what they are, making him look them up and then putting them back in the wrong place.”

“Typical.”

“And Scott and Gordon are arguing because Scott is trying to direct everyone and Gordon is insisting that it’s his golf cart and it should be his way.”

“I expected nothing less. So, how about it, should we show them how it’s done?”

“Damn straight.”

We dragged the frame out of the crate and pushed it out of the way and then retrieved everything else inside.

“What are you two doing with my golf cart?” Gordon asked.

“We’re putting it together for you,” Kayo answered.

“Yeah right,” he laughed.

“Do you not think we’re capable of putting together a little golf cart?” I asked, narrowing my eyes dangerously.

“I wouldn't answer that if I was you,” Scott advised. But as ever Gordon was in an argumentative mood.

“I wouldn't say incapable, but I think you’ll be there for the next week.”

“I bet we can get it done quicker than you idiots can,” Kayo challenged.

“You’re on,” Gordon stood up to shake both our hands.

It was one of those DIY golf cart kits so it should have been easy enough for the geniuses in this family but, like with most things when all five of them were involved, it had not gone quite to plan.

We located the instructions and sat down to read them and plan out how we were going to tackle it.

“Ground up I think is best,” I suggested.

“Makes sense,” she agreed.

“Set everything out so we know what we have and put it in sections?”

“Yep, that’ll work.”

We spent half an hour hauling everything out of the crate and laying it out.

“Are you girls done prettying up the place?” Gordon called over to us.

We didn't rise to the bait, they were still arguing over which was the front or the back of the seat.

We found the engine mount and lifted it into place, I helped a bit but honestly Kayo is as strong as an ox, she hides a lot of power in her slender frame and she could have probably lifted it on her own. We screwed it into place and then got to work putting together the wiring loom.

The wiring was actually pretty simple, the loom came as a mostly complete unit and all we had to do was make sure we left enough…

“That wire is too short! It doesn't reach. Who had that job?”

“Wiring is down to John!”

“Don’t blame me! I told you that you needed to actually measure it and not just do it by eye!”

“It was still your job!”

OK I take it back, apparently the wiring wasn't simple for everyone.

The rear suspension was a little harder, but between us we managed to figure it out, getting the spindles and lifting blocks to stay in their right places was a bit of a challenge, but we’re girls and we’re used to getting stubborn things to behave and stay where they are put and soon powered through.

We could hear muttering coming from the boys' side of the hanger, and we saw them peeking over at us a little more often than they had before.

“Go get us a drink and some snacks and see if they want anything,” Kayo suggested. I nodded and got up.

“Want a drink, Kay?”

“Sure, can you grab me one of those smoothie bottles?”

“Sure, no worries.” I wandered past the boys on my way out.

“Do you guys want anything from the kitchen?”

“No, we’re good,” Gordon insisted.

“Can you get me a smoothie too?” John asked.

“Sure, babe.”

“Why did you just do that?” Gordon hissed at John.

“Because I'm thirsty?”

“It’s a plot to spy on us and see what we're doing so they can copy us!”

I snorted. “Dude, we wouldnt be stupid enough to copy you guys.”

“Insults now?” Virgil laughed.

“Hey, if the blue pointy cap fits…” I escaped before they could yell at me any more.

I found Grandma in the kitchen, cremating a number of what I think were once chickens, I didn't look too closely.

“Where is everyone?”

“Hangers,” I answered and began to explain.

I came back with drinks and Grandma, who had wanted to join the winning team. I gave John his smoothie and left the rest a few bottles of water and went back to help Kayo with the axel, which she was trying to wrestle into place on her own. I’ll be honest, she was doing most of it herself, but we were having fun, we were chatting and laughing and ignoring the boys, which just annoyed them even more.

With the addition of Grandma for logistics we were steaming through.

With the help of a dolly and a discarded arm of a broken exo-suit we slid the engine into place and screwed it down. It was pretty simple, everything fitted in quite easily and with our more modern tools we had very little trouble.

With the engine fitted we got to work on the rear of the cart, checking the amount of tyre clearance we would need and making sure they spun freely and that the shock absorbers were situated correctly before we tightened everything down.

We could really see this thing coming together. The boys were still arguing like they were on Jerry Springer, yelling at each other, blaming each other for things they either had or hadn't done, and threatening to break various body parts.

“Right girls,” Grandma started one of her famous pep talks as we started to flag. It was late, we were all hungry and sleep was calling us. “You’re on the home stretch now. Get those breaks in, then it’s just the chassis. I’ll sort the wiring in the handle bars. Once that's done it's the finishing touches, seat, lights and horn. Then you can sleep.”

We heard the boys start to mutter under their breath, all huddled together like they were in the playoffs and only had thirty seconds left on the clock. Maybe Grandma should’ve lowered her voice...

“Look at theirs, how did they do that?”

“We’re never getting to bed tonight, are we?”

“Alan is already asleep.”

“Come on, we can’t give up now, guys, we got this.”

“Girls, we can do this. I believe in us,” Grandma encouraged drawing our attention back to her and we nodded, the last thing we’d ever want to do would be let her down.

Following her instructions we got on with the breaks, working together quite well. I didn’t know that much about machinery or anything really, but I can research my butt off and read instructions perfectly. Everyone should read the instructions, I honestly don't know why men seem to be so incapable of it.

Grandma was as good as her word, she had the wires poked through the handles and connected up before we had the chassis on. We fitted the handlebars and the chassis in place and tightened everything up.

We got the seat on while Grandma got the lights connected up and put the bulbs in. The horn was the last thing.

We put the battery on charge, tucked our baby into bed and called it a night.

John slumped his way into the kitchen with Virgil about four in the morning. We’d gone to bed around half two after throwing some pizzas in the oven and having ourselves a little past midnight feast, leaving a few for the boys. I’d gone to bed but couldn't sleep, having eaten late and gone past my tiredness barrier. Deciding that a hot chocolate sounded amazing I’d gotten up again.

The boys were almost dead on their feet. They had taken Alan to bed and tried to bully Scott and Gordon into moving but both had refused to quit, as had Brains, who was apparently over engineering everything and making things so much harder. I don't know how boys manage to make everything so difficult and complicate the simplest of things.

I took pity on them both and made them a hot drink too and warmed up some pizza, making sure they had eaten before I marched them to bed.

“How bad was it?” I asked John after we’d brushed our teeth.

“How bad do you think?”

“Parker trying to explain filling FAB 0’s gas tank to Alan, bad?”

“Times that by ten,” he flopped face first onto the bed and refused to move again.

I’ve still got no clue what Gordon wants with two vintage golf carts, but I guess we’ll find out soon. At least I know one will be properly put together.

[critical-ramblings]

Things that Mean More

On a second watch through of Critical Role campaign 2. (Ep 11-15)

“Maybe [Yasha] was a ghost the whole time, maybe the lightning exploded her, maybe she wandered out into the rain and lost her memory”...one of these is not like the others!

Molly: What should we do while keeping watch? Jester: We could find a candy store Molly: Wait there are stores specifically for selling candy?” sometimes Molly makes me sad

“Nott and Molly, you ready to go?” For some reason I expected him to say Caduceus and now I’m sad.

Matt is going really hard on the class differences between the Outersteads and the Tri-spire. 

The three towers of the Tri-spire are the Zauberspire, the Constellation Bridge, and the Triumph Chime, which we don’t know much about because Beau rolled a 6 on her history check

Matt cracks himself up describing Chastity’s Nook. His face is SO RED. Liam: “I made you plan for this!”

Tusk Love makes an appearance! Who knew Matt’s smut shop prep would become a recurring theme this campaign

Beau, to Caleb: the Cerberus Assembly, you know much about them?

It’s so interesting to hear them talk about the state of the Empire and the Cerberus Assembly, because they’re just so...powerless.

I think Beau straight up says, “I don’t know, look at this. Look at how much money is up here compared to elsewhere. This is a lot of control.”

Caleb immediately asks, “so what do you plan to do about it?” after which Beau deflects to drinking booze and making money. Look how far they’ve come. :)

Caleb buys Jester bear claws and then Jester buys him the Courting of the Crick. Their love language has always been gifts

I remember not being a Huge fan of the political arc in Zadash, it’s pretty slow and doesn’t have a super conclusive end, even though they ‘succeed’

first explanation of the crick slur! this is also the first real experience we have with the Kryn Dynasty, and I remember wanting to know more about them! Xhorhas is like a black hole of knowledge, it’s just on the other side of the mountains and we know NOTHING

Doolan Tversky! What the FUCK Nott? WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

Dolan and Horace are...very relatable in today’s political situation

We talk about how bad it was for Molly to charm Nott, but she started it by stealing from Fjord. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does add some context. As far as PVP goes, she was the instigator

“I need him to be powerful. So he can save me.” the ‘using him’ undertones of the conversation are SO GOOD

Fjord is also asking all the right questions, but Nott is excellent at dancing around them. Even charmed, she doesn’t trust them enough to tell them. 

“I did my own dental work” oh boooooooy i missed that one

the description of fictional Xhorhas is very :/

Fjord attempts to Manage Nott..it does not work...he asks Caleb to do it. Nott tells him she’s not an idiot. I think this is the first time she really pushes back against the infantilization

If you want your players to know someone is evil, have them advocate killing puppies and call tieflings ‘demonbloods’

proficient in mail fraud

man the Mighty Nein (and mostly Caleb) really Improved the Knights of Requital plan. We go from ~somehow~ tying Sutan to the Myriad and the High Richtor to framing the two of them for murder (of the Lawmaster)

intro of the meta-gaming pigeon! originally a signal in-game for investigating Dolan

Ren Sutan is the one they were investigating at the hospital, his father Deitrich Sutan is the one they frame in the Heist

The Hospital Scene....the last brain cell in the Nein went with Beau and Jester

the grin that Taliesin has when he says “I’ve got a plan” is Terrifying

after Molly’s done with his Disguise, Fjord says ‘do I dare ask how it looks,’ Molly says, ‘well, i can show you?’ and it’s CALEB who says “yes show us the goods”

“we are working together. we are TRYING to work together. Getting all of us out is more important than finding this asshole” Caleb, being a Team Player. This is 1 episode before scrollgate

Caleb tells Jester to keep her writing plain “not as charming as you normally speak”

hes so softe already

Nott and Caleb have a talk about learning Identify, how Nott supports Caleb, believes in him, which visibly makes Caleb uncomfortable. Nott is clearly fishing for ways to make Caleb more powerful without revealing why

The robberies/evidence planting actually goes off without (too much of) a hitch. Not much to say, until we get to the Scrolls

Fjord is classic dumbass, he escalates the situation (brings out the falchion) and then even if he agrees with Caleb (they’d already destroyed the rug in Sutan’s place) he can’t back down

Then Ulog’s sacrifice--absolutely the most interesting part of this arc, to me. He’s not just a thief, he’s a real revolutionary. 

he also knocks Caleb out in one hit, which is Nice

The assassins strike the Zauberspire!!!!! Earlier this episode Sam says “We think Matt’s managing three plot lines, but there’s actually a fourth we don’t even know about” and he is Absolutely Right

god I want to write a fic about those two. It seems like the classic echo knight/wizard support combo, i want to know about these two special forces drow sent to retrieve the Beacon, the holy symbol of their people. Blessed by the Bright Queen herself. And they come so close. (if it weren’t for those meddling kids!)

Matt pulls this Advanced DM trick, where you have the party fight an enemy that would be completely annihilating them--if it wasn’t already injured.

The first impressions of the Beacon, from what they manage to glean from this Charmed assassin, are so interesting. Jester’s eternal mis-interpretation about babies (which isn’t...really wrong?)

The drow twitched when Ulog’s name was mentioned! Though the Gentleman’s association did not deal with the Krynn, Ulog knows some shady people. If he wasn’t a spy himself.

They don’t even take the Beacon! (But the time they took futzing about with the assassin was what allowed him to be captured and killed)

I just realized that the reason Caleb stays with the Beacon that first night isn’t because he’s afraid it’ll be stolen--it’s because as long as he’s within 5 ft it can’t be scried on!

Okay, Molly and Beau really do team up against Nott in this talking to. Nott Does Not Agree with their reasoning--in the episode before, it was Caleb who put the scrolls back to deescalate the situation. Caleb is the one here who has the aside with the skull about how much he wants to make this group work. It’s Nott who’s on the fence. 

“He’s MY boy. I take care of HIM.”

Caleb tries, after the skull interlude, he tries to tell Nott. “You know, I was going to go to that place. The Soltryce Academy...But I fucked it up.” He can’t bring himself to say more than that.

Nott purchases the enchantment for her never-ending flask. 250 gold is nothing, when you’re a goblin who just likes shiny things.

Whenever Caleb has money, he spends it on paper and ink to transcribe spells. Whenever he doesn’t have spells to transcribe, he buys them. :)

Taryon Darrington!!!! I also fell out of my chair when this book came up. Can’t wait for Caleb to read it someday and declare it trash

MOLLY! He bullshits SO well, I (and Cree) bought into the idea that he just really wanted to stay on the DL. That’s really what I take away from this revelation, his intense desire to keep his past under wraps.

Meeting the Gentleman! Fjord won 600 gold with some good gambling, they get a job dungeon crawling, Laura isn’t there to meet her dad.

Yasha backstory! The crumbs we get about Xhorhas are so little, and I remember being a little confused about how big Xhorhas was, the difference between the region and the Krynn Dynasty, how connected everything is over there. 

Caleb asks Fjord whether or not he used party funds to gamble. Fjord reassures him, but Caleb says he would be alright with it. “Calculated risks.” 

From home Jester strikes with the Wand of Smiles...

This interrogation has so many good one-liners from our good Mollymauk. “That person is dead and not me” “The truth is vicious, it thinks you owe it something” “joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life” 

Caleb’s Joke: (about Pumat) “Well, [he’s] not one of a kind.” Molly: “Did you just make a joke?” Caleb: “No.” 

Yasha in Pumat Sol’s shop is the most awkward we ever see her. She stumbles over her words, bails on her attempts at banter, DOES manage to roll a 14 Persuasion for a discount on her healing potions.

Important Caleb & Yasha bonding over buying the throwing stars for Beau

Liam really is the best Jester (besides Laura, of course)

Some really great early Fjord/Jester in the Underworks. “Don’t read into it.” “This is just like that scene in Tusk Love.” I think Fjord did flirt with Jester, but that came from a) heteronormativity and b) Fjord always pushes his luck. His curiosity and playfulness have burned him more than once--I don’t think he considers that he might also be hurting Jester with these interactions.

bonus Caleb: “It is sad when ships sink.”

Highlight of this dungeon crawl is Nott completely failing to rogue. Nott and traps don’t get along...

[mannatea]

Pokémon Shield: A Review

DISCLAIMER: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS HERE!

First, my credentials/gaming history, so you can see if my opinion is valuable to you or not. I would like to make it clear from the start that I do not consider myself a ‘gamer’ by any stretch of the imagination. I’m a filthy casual at best.

I’ve been playing video games since I was maybe eight or nine years old. I’ve always enjoyed dabbling in a variety of genres, and have a great appreciation for the work that goes into creating each and every game, no matter the intended audience. Some of my all-time favorite titles include Tales of Symphonia, Fire Emblem (7), Final Fantasy IX, Legend of Dragoon, Chrono Cross, Tetris, Bust-a-Move, Project Gotham Racing, Ecco the Dolphin (PC,DC), Roller Coaster Tycoon, Harvest Moon (N64/PS1), World of Warcraft, and of course our beloved Pokemon!

I started with Pokemon Red, and enjoyed it immensely, but Silver stole my heart and my imagination. My brother and I used to sit at the kitchen table with guide books open and notebooks at the ready to craft and create new, extremely cool teams. I sank an unbelievable amount of hours into that game, and into Pokemon Stadium (1 & 2), Hey You! Pikachu, Pokemon Puzzle League, and even Pokemon Pinball. Unfortunately after Silver, my interest waned. I was an adult by the time Emerald debuted, and while I was initially charmed by it, found my interest waning quickly. I bought and played Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, SoulSilver, and Black & White, but didn’t beat any of them. I felt like the magic had…disappeared somehow.

But when X and Y released in 2013, I binged on Pokemon X, beat it, and for the first time since childhood started breeding a competitive team just for the heck of it. I also found myself really enjoying Pokemon Sun a couple of years later (though the post-game of breeding didn’t really do it for me this time).

They lost me with Ultra Sun/Moon. I wanted to like them, really, but it was too much of a rehash, and too much handholding (like the originals were, and I could only stand going through that once).

Now here we are with Pokemon Sword and Shield. They released just a few days ago (15 November, 2019) and the controversy has been wild. It seems to me that everyone has some kind of very strong opinion, and a lot of people are very angry.

Pokemon has always been one of my favorite franchises, but my history with the games is far from spotless so I like to think I can manage a mostly unbiased review, though of course everything in this post is my personal opinion.

Here’s what I’ve done in the game:

40 hours played.

200 pokemon in the pokedex.

Main story and post-game story completed.

I played with no specific self-imposed rules and was not spoiled for hardly anything before I started playing.

The Game’s Introductory Sequence [8/10]

As is standard for the franchise these days, the game flings you into the world with little fanfare regarding customization. Rather than the intro being a dialogue of sorts between your character and a professor, you are now instructed to choose what you look like (from a sparse few options) after typing in your name.

The first ‘cinematic’ is pretty boring, but I think the attempt at immersion is genuine enough (the idea being that your character is watching Leon’s broadcasted fight on your new smart phone). My character has a better house in-game than I do in real life. I’d kill for all that storage in the kitchen!

My biggest gripe with the introduction is that it reminded me too much of Sun & Moon’s introduction—in the worst of ways. I wouldn’t say it’s slow-paced, but the constant interruption by other characters is about enough to make a person rage-quit. Luckily I’ve been blessed with a lot of patience; it makes tedious content easy to bear (so long as it’s not difficult), but even I was feeling antsy before the first hour of the game was up, just because Hop and Leon never shut up and I was chomping at the bit to Explore.

Considering this is the first thing a player experiences…I really feel it could have been improved, especially the dialogue, but there were a few really positive things about it, too. The outdoor BBQ was a nice touch (considering everyone knew we’d be going off on Adventures in the morning and all), the game does let you avoid having to learn how to catch a pokemon (your mom slips a few pokeballs into your bag at one point without telling you and if you use them to catch pokemon, Leon will not teach you how to do it later), and I feel like as far as introductions go, this one was fairly short when compared to Sun and Moon’s introductory period.

While I’m being positive, the game plops you down into an idyllic little English countryside and not only do you get to enjoy that aesthetic, but the Slumbering Weald is probably one of the prettiest/most charming places in the game, and you get a peek at it early on!

 The Starter Pokemon [5/10]

I’ve experienced worse? I wasn’t spoiled for any of the starter pokemon’s evolutions starting out, and while I didn’t exactly hate any of them, I sure didn’t love ‘em, either. I named my Scorbunny “Chad” on the assumption that he was likely to turn into a chad, though I’m not sure that accurately describes the pokemon I ended up with. Clearly modeled after soccer players, my Chad is a cocky all-star jock. They went all out on his Pyroball animation but Double Kick can see itself out of my house. No love in this club.

I just really wish I found any of these starters or their evolved forms to be charming, but they’re not. Rillaboom is basically George of the Jungle but 3% less of a himbo, and Inteleon is Greninja’s younger brother in accounting.

 Gyms, Gym Challenges, & Game Balance [6/10]

This is probably one of, if not the, most debated topic over at Reddit. Is the game balanced? Are the gyms too easy? Are they making this game for 5-year-olds suddenly?

Eh. I do think the game is, perhaps, Too Easy, but a game being easy isn’t a shortcoming in and of itself. Check out my section on the story and characters for more on this topic, but I’ll post the short of it here, because it’s relevant: if the gameplay is going to be easy, we either need an option to make it more difficult, or the characters, story, and world have to carry the game in such a way that the easy gameplay still feels fun.

Shield had, uh, none of that going for it, unfortunately. The plot is lackluster (more about this later), and the gameplay wasn’t able to pick up the slack. In other words, the gameplay didn’t make the game feel Substantial in any way.

Which is kind of bad, considering Dynamaxing is a new feature!

The biggest issue for most people was the Experience Share. It’s turned on by default and there seems to be no way to turn it off. You get insane amounts of XP for defeating and catching pokemon, and your whole team seems to level pretty evenly even if you only occasionally use some pokemon in the party.

I personally played the game with the default battle option (where it asks if you want to switch out to a new pokemon when the enemy is going to send out a new one) because I barely remember half the pokemon in the game’s typing. Knowing the name of what’s coming next doesn’t always help me. (How’s that for an embarrassing truth?)

I personally liked the experience share, though I feel having the ability to toggle it on/off (or even on for certain pokemon and off for others) would have been ideal. The idea with having it on all the time is that your team will level fairly evenly so you’ll be able to switch in any of your six pokemon to battle without having to struggle through leveling some of the weaker ‘mons up individually. Additionally, it enables you to easily replace a pokemon on your team mid-game if you so desire. And I did (I replaced my shiny Orbeetle with regular cotton candy Rapidash).

My team at end-game was as follows:

Cinderace (Chad)

Greedent (Moriah)

Thievul (Penelope)

Liepard (My)

Corviknight (Octavia)

Rapidash (Calliope)

As you can see, I have no grass pokemon, no water pokemon, and no electric pokemon. I have two dark types. My move coverage mostly sucked throughout the game, because Thievul had 3 dark moves, and My had 3 normal moves. I’m an official idiot, thanks for coming to my TED talk. Usually I can struggle through no matter how garbage-tier my team is, and this game was…no exception.

I steamrolled the first few gyms and their challenges even though I wasn’t vastly overleveled for any of the content. After the ghost gym (which was easy for me with my dark types) I’d say the difficulty level went up slightly, mostly because my brain has refused to hold type advantages/weaknesses that came after Gen1. I feel like most original type weaknesses made some kind of sense to me and I was never able to incorporate dark and steel into that mix, let alone fairy.

At any rate, once you fight a pokemon once, the game will tell you if your moves are super effective against them or not. I remember people complaining about this feature when it was added (in Sun/Moon I think), but I like it. It doesn’t actually help a lot if you don’t know what the moves do/aren’t looking at move power/effects, but it’s useful for my sieve of a brain in a pinch.

Hop as a rival was almost never challenging. He always starts with the same pokemon, and his team is fairly easy to sweep. That might be kind of the point, but I wish you could have encouraged him to take the starter that’s strong against yours for a bit more of a challenge. Yeah, it’s not much, but it would have been something. Marnie is a better rival than Hop in the sense that she’s actually a better battler, but I swept her team pretty easily too, every single time we fought.

The only real challenges in the game were fighting Raihan (I only had one very weak fairy move and no ice to counter his dragons) and Leon (he definitely outleveled me). On Leon I had to use revives and potions!

The gym challenges started off as pretty cute (herding Wooloo, pipe puzzle maze) but quickly grew into lazy boring doldrums (basically gauntlet fighting of one kind or another). I guess I’d say ‘nice try’ for these and say I don’t really care if I see them again or not unless they’re going to actually give it a real go.

Overall, the story part of the game felt balanced enough for me personally but if I’m being completely unbiased: it was too easy to get levels. I could have wandered around less/caught fewer pokemon as I journeyed and enjoyed more of a challenge, but I just…gotta catch ‘em all, y’know? Most people do! GameFreak should have known this and designed accordingly.

The big issue with game balance feels like it comes…after the game, and I don’t mean the post-game so much as the Max Raid Battles that require other people, but the NPC trainers you can battle with are legit trash at what they do, which kind of forces you to find other trainers, but…

 Online Compatibility & Features [3/10]

So I think the rating speaks for itself, here. The interface is confusing, the stamps are annoying, and the ability to see other players but not interact with them in any meaningful way is rage-inducing (and not just because of the FPS drops).

X/Y had a better online system!

Sun and Moon was better!

I don’t know why we regressed. I’m glad they kept the “wonder trade” (renamed to random trade, I think), because I always did enjoy doing that, but the GTS was the best idea they ever had and they abandoned it for random trading? I don’t want to trade with randoms? If I wanted to do that, I’d just do a random trade in the first place!!! The inability to put what you’re looking for into the stamp that people see? Oversight. Or just bad design. Probably both!

I’ve never hated a pokemon online experience more than this. I’m just astounded by how bad it is. I tried to join max raid battles last night and kept being told the event was over, but the stamps just…didn’t refresh? For HOW LONG? I can’t even tell you because I don’t know, and I couldn’t find a way to manually force them to refresh. It’s like they update every 15 minutes instead of every 15-30 seconds (which they should if I’m browsing for trades to make or battles to join). There are ways around this (according to Reddit) but the interface should be intuitive and easy to use by default.

C’mon, guys, you can do better. This is legitimately embarrassing in the year 2019.

 Music [5/10]

There are some really magical tracks in this game, and there are some really terrible tracks. It doesn’t feel at all cohesive or thematic. I absolutely hated the gym battle remix; it was worse than the regular gym battle music. I feel like the gym battle theme would have really caught on if they didn’t have any other synth sounding tracks in the game, but they kind of do, so it blends in instead of sticking out as a bop.

Notable nice tracks were Hulbury, Glimwood Tangle, Slumbering Weald, and the desert route (which I can’t remember offhand). Some of the better music reminded me of the soundtrack for Tales of Symphonia, which is high praise coming from me. Unfortunately for every good track there were probably 3 forgettable ones.

There wasn’t anything particularly engaging when it comes to the music here, but it’s at least passable.

 Graphics, Design, and Animation [6/10]

I should clarify that this is 6/10 for a pokemon game, not in general. I don’t expect flashy realism in a pokemon game and neither should you. The graphics are adequate most of the time, but the animation leaves a lot to desire when you look away from the pokemon that feel like they were Chosen Ones (and received a lot more attention).

Rapidash, for example, is using the same base model and animations it’s been using since it’s been in 3D. I’m not going to claim since Stadium, but holy cow the animations are for sure the same as they’ve been since at least X/Y for all the older moves. I’m not impressed.

The characters all have dopey expressions on their faces always. The models just use one talking animation loop and it almost never changes. The main character still looks on like a smiley face emoji when turmoil occurs, and though this isn’t as bad as it was in Sun/Moon, it’s still…kind of jarring?

The Wild Area looks kind of bad sometimes, and some areas in the actual game were lackluster compared to what they should have been. Ballonlea is the town you step into after walking through the (honestly) magical Glimwood Tangle, and it’s this charming fairy wonderland…with two houses and a stadium the size of two billion football fields. Uh. Okay? You’re telling me they destroyed how much natural habitat to make this gym? It just doesn’t jive with the scenery/theme out there, especially considering Opal’s theatre is tiny. And it’s not just that I think the game is lacking thematically (though it clearly is), but there’s this…laziness to the design when it comes to places like Ballonlea. It could have been SUCH an enchanting town to explore, but it was two houses with nothing important in them and a sports arena that feels completely at odds with its surroundings. (In this town you do learn that an NPC you spoke to earlier was a ghost, but it’s not as if this is very important information/goes anywhere, really.)

Spikemuth, for all its flaws, was at least memorable. I can’t say the same for most of the towns in this game. I really enjoyed the music in Hulbury but you best bet I had to look it up to remember the name of the town! Time is partly to blame. We don’t spend a lot of time in each town, and we have no real reason to go back to them aside from visiting the nearest Pokemon Center to heal and rest up. But I would argue that, beyond that, the individual designs just…don’t feel memorable because they’re not memorable. The names are mostly meh (every time I see Ballonlea I think of Bologna for some reason), but without anything else to connect to the place as more than just a place…there’s no reason to remember any of it.

Like the music, these are all passable, graphics more than animation, animation more than design, but that’s all there is to it.

Camping and Cooking, Feathers and Fetch! [4/10]

I don’t actually have a lot to say about this. It’s a cute idea, and it’s fun maybe the first ten times that you do it, but then it’s just really boring. The game is terrible at explaining how to create different curry dishes, but it’s almost idiot-proof. I’ve yet to fail at it.

But I’m not sure I care about it, either?

You get like 1/100th of the amount of berries you need to cook while you journey along, so it feels disproportionate. I dunno. Just not a fan.

Playing with your pokemon is the only real joy that comes from camping, but its fun is limited. When you’ve tossed the ball a few times, or watched Liepard smack the feather toy a while, it has that, “Okay, I’ve seen it!” kind of feeling to it. That doing well at cooking can heal your party/cure status conditions is incentive to do it, but it’s faster to just fly to a pokemon center and run back on your bike most of the time than to pitch a tent with your ‘mons.

I feel like there should just be…more you can do when you’re camping together. I’m glad Pokemon Amie is dead (it was cringey), but it felt more personal than this.

I wish I had more to say about this feature, but it felt tacked on and lackluster after I camped a few times.

 Dynamaxing, Gigantamaxing, and Max Raid Battles [4/10]

The urge to give this a zero was high, but I am making an effort to be balanced.

That said, I hate dynamaxing. Gigantamaxing is almost the same thing, it’s just Worse Somehow. Until yesterday I thought they were basically the same thing (and that some pokemon just got extra cool dynamax forms). As it turns out, they’re not the same thing at all! Or rather, they are, but they’re also not?

Dynamaxing makes your pokemon grow large and gives it these generic MAX moves that it can use in combat (Max Knuckle, Max Flare, Max Strike). It lasts for three turns and then your pokemon reverts back to its regular ‘ol self.

Gigantamaxing is when your pokemon grows a little larger than large, gets a special Look, and gets the same generic MAX moves (but with special effects added to them). Oh, and better stats.

At least, that’s how I understand it.

Both are great for Max Raid Battles, where you team up with NPCs or other players and take down huge dynamaxed pokemon that are out in the wild.

Neither is a fun feature as part of the actual gameplay. I guess as a gimmick it works all right, but just like Z-moves it has a long annoying animation sequence, and like Mega Evolutions only some pokemon get to gigantamax (everyone else is just a pleb, I guess). I dunno. I just didn’t find the concept very engaging…maybe because it seems evil and wasteful in-universe, and this is more or less stated in the game itself, but what-the-hell-ever, we’re just going to keep doing it ‘cause it looks cool!

It’s just too goofy a concept for me. Maybe if Dynamaxing doubled or tripled their size, I’d find it more understandable and more aesthetically pleasing? I hate seeing my pokemon, or the opposing pokemon, grow 50+ feet tall and scream at three billion decibels.

(For the record I never liked Mega Evolutions or Z-moves as a concept, so it’s not like I’m nostalgic for a different gimmick. That said, at least I’d accepted Megas as a thing, and Z-moves were overall not too groundbreaking or gamebreaking.)

The design of dyna/gigamaxing is to connect it with specific places so that you can’t just max your pokemon in every battle and sweep every team you fight against, but it still feels like it gets used too much. I’m currently at a point where I find having to dynamax feels like a chore.

Considering this is what the game tried to sell itself on in the initial trailer…? Yikes? I don’t know. I think some people are more ‘okay’ with the concept of dyna/gigantimaxing than others, and I think I’d be fine with it if we only had dynamaxing. Introducing both just feels like overcomplicating things for no real reason, and maybe also poking a little hard at the hornets’ nest that is the competitive community.

Because now you have to go out and grind gigantamax pokemon to catch one, so it forces you to do the thing you might not like to get a pokemon that can do the thing you don’t like, because it’s objectively better in combat? But really, who knows? Maybe these overpowered phenomena will end up banned, anyway.

Despite my disdain for this release’s gimmick, I do think Max Raid Battles are pretty fun, at least…when I’m not getting my ass completely kicked while some NPC trainer’s Eevee is using Helping Hand… It’s actually pretty enjoyable when you can somehow find other people using the y-comm and take on a gigantamaxed pokemon with the help of actual human players. But y’know…good luck using that…lol.

Overall I think the biggest downfall of Dynamaxing/Gigantamaxing is that it doesn’t really add anything of substance to the game. I don’t think it makes it more fun. It’s also not necessary for max raid battles (this could be a phenomena we don’t understand yet that randomly seems to affect wild pokemon, just like with the UBs—hell, Anabel and Looker could return and claim this is all related to that stuff and I’d probably find that believable enough). So what does it add? Flavor? Culture? Nah. It’s just kind of there.

 Post-Game: Is That All? [3/10]

Post-game in Sun and Moon was the Alola version of the Battle Maison, breeding, and a somewhat lengthy (for a post-game) story where you assist Interpol agents Anabel and Looker in hunting down and capturing Ultra Beasts. The plot was somewhat woven into not only Sun and Moon’s storyline (Lusamine’s shenanigans), but also borrowed from the Sapphire/Ruby reboots and X/Y. If you didn’t already know Looker from Ruby/Sapphire/X/Y, or Anabel from Pokemon Emerald, you’ll still probably find them somewhat compelling/interesting as characters. Also, they did a really good job in Sun of making circumstances seem dire—of showing instead of telling you how dangerous the UBs were and how important it was to protect the people of the towns and villages you’d visited throughout your adventure.

Shield has… Max raid battles, a battle tower, and…breeding. Oh, and a storyline about the legendary dogs that barely makes any sense and is plagued by really irritating new characters.

The terrible truth is that the post-game of Sword/Shield is embarrassingly bad. You’d think they’d want to outdo themselves with every release. Sun and Moon hit it out of the park with their post-game content. Most people enjoyed the hunt for UBs, or at least the characters of Anabel and Looker. Sword and Shield have…. Sordward and Shielbert. DID I STUTTER?

They’re terribly designed characters, and so insulting as to not really be any fun at all. The Pokeball Guy mascot is Actually Fun; these dudes aren’t. They’re barely even villains? It was an excuse to try and pull what Sun and Moon pulled, but it didn’t work. I never felt like anyone was in danger at any point, probably because magically everyone was evacuated before I even arrived on the scene to stop Sordward and Shielbert’s vile schemes. :U Oh, and because I felt little or no connection to any of the towns I visited along the way, let alone the gym leaders. Maybe if these guys had showed up partway through the game and we sort of knew who they were already, this wouldn’t seem so out-of-nowhere, but it was, and that made it even worse than it had to be.

When it’s all over, you get your legendary dog (I named mine Goodest Boy), but it wasn’t a fun storyline at all. Who are these guys? Why should I care about them? I cared about Looker and Anabel because they came onto the scene and showed that they cared about each other as people (and showed it, multiple times). These guys? They wreaked havoc and didn’t even go to jail. At least Rose went to jail!

I don’t think the post-game is terrible so much as I think it’s underwhelming, especially considering what it came on the heels of. I don’t expect More More More from every game, but I do expect improvements to be made. A decent post-game storyline is all I was asking for, and I didn’t even get that.

But there’s the tower and you can breed pokemon and train EVs and all that stuff more easily now, so…

 Characters, Story, and Worldbuilding [4/10]

Let me put this as delicately as I can: I’m not a fan.

I could easily rant about bad character writing, bad stories, and weak worldbuilding for hours, but I’ll limit myself because 1) this is a pokemon game, and 2) nobody really looks for exceptional characters here.

As I said earlier, I feel like Sun and Moon did it Better. Most of the main characters in Su/Mo were likable, interesting, had a fun design, or were amusing. Not so in Shield.

Hop has a terrible name (literally a million names to choose from and they picked this?), but the biggest crime he commits is that he doesn’t get a satisfying story arc at all. When he got down about himself I had hope there would be some cool development, but there wasn’t. He ended up getting his crap together and making a Team and Picked a Strategy (which still involves sending the sheep out first I guess). And then randomly in the post-game decided he was going to be a professor…lol.

I felt like 20 different people wrote that plot, because it was terribly cobbled together and didn’t flow at all. Natural progression would have been nice.

Marnie barely has a story and barely develops. Piers seems to kind of have more ‘meat’ to his character but not a lot is done with it.

The gym leaders are otherwise really meh. Okay, so Nessa and Sonia are pals. Gal pals. Pals that are gals. Gals that are pals. Great. I don’t think we ever see them talk so it doesn’t matter. Melony has a son…and it’s just a nod to the other game where her son is the gym leader instead? Boring.

Bede is an asshole with a sob story who doesn’t really get redeemed but gets the redemption option anyway. They could have REALLY done something amazing with this guy but chose not to. His backstory is actually pretty interesting! But they didn’t utilize it worth a damn. And also he was right about the mural soooo…

Sonia was maybe the best character in the game, and that’s just from a technical standpoint. She had development, she developed, she grew as a character. Emotionally, though, I felt detached from her. Maybe it was being called a child all the time that did that? I’m not sure. I get that the protag is a child but I’m living independently and doing well for myself so maybe have a little respect idk… Especially when the first 2/3 of the game you’re told the adults will handle things, and then randomly you’re interrupted every fifty seconds to take care of other people’s nonsense. :|

In fact, I felt emotionally disconnected from pretty much every character. I didn’t really like or feel for anyone. Hop came the closest (feeling guilty about losing a battle cause it might make his brother look bad), but the bad dialogue options and inability to actually cheer him up was frustrating more than anything.

There are zones that are breathtakingly lovely (Slumbering Weald! Ballonlea! Glimwood Tangle!) but all the rest are more or less forgettable. The characters are connected to the world…sorta, but there are times it feels like they force-connected them through dynamaxing and dialogue accents instead of trying to make characters who naturally fit into the world. Like I talked about before, Opal’s gym felt completely disconnected from the reality of her environment. She lives there for a reason. Doesn’t the stadium’s presence jar her? How many fairy pokemon lost their homes when that thing took away tens of acres of forest? What’s the story here? Or anywhere for that matter?

Spikemuth was a waste of space but at least it felt like an attempt to show us a poverty-stricken area… Unfortunately it all fell flat the second they used two models for Team Yell! Team Yell could have been really cool, especially if they’d had different models with their names (challenged by Team Yell Grunt Sierra/Troy/Nellie/whatever), and the same team yell outfit/clothes/paint on. Then we could see these are just regular guys and gals from this poor area who want to cheer on their hometown girl!!!

But that was a weakness throughout the game, because Team Yell were all gym trainers, and all shared models…just like all the other gyms. It felt lazy to me. The outfits can be the same, but way to go making all the models literal clones. That’s just laziness.

The villains are all meh. Rose? Of course he was a villain. The problem is that he’s not a villain for being a capitalist pig or anything. He’s a villain for wanting to fix a power issue that’s 1,000 years from happening. Meh motivation. If it was 50 years away then we have a compelling villain! But no, not 50. A thousand years from happening. And he can’t wait five fucking minutes.

Oleana was boring.

Leon was exactly the person he was the entire game…

The taxi service is a cute idea, and a nice gameplay addition, but it doesn’t really add anything to the world because they didn’t make the effort to integrate it.

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough.

The short of it is this: I walked away from this game not really caring about the world or any of the characters. I don’t even have a favorite character. I can’t remember the last time that happened to me. YIKES.

The Wild Area [8/10]

I don’t want to cover this for too long, because I feel it’s been done to death, but the Wild Area is what the whole game should have been. Or at least, more of the game. I don’t expect we’ll ever get a fully open-world pokemon game EVER, but this foray into the true 3D tells me that it could be a lot of fun, actually, even in somewhat constrained environments. (Oh, and with a good map.)

I enjoy the idea of the Wild Area, but I think its usefulness is limited without the appeal of having more pokemon patched into the game later. Until I get sick of it, though, it’s a pretty neat concept, and it makes hunting for new pokemon to catch a little more fun than it usually is. I like that they kept the overworld pokemon in this area as well as on the routes you have to travel; it feels like more of an adventure to dodge a huge Steelix and scoot closer to see what that yellow thing is in the grass you can’t quite make out. :)

Basically: fun concept that is enjoyable for now but has limited enjoyment. As far as negativity goes, I don’t have much to complain about here that I didn’t complain about in the Online Compatibility section above.

The Pokemon Themselves [6/10]

I was challenged by @hijauindah to list my top five favorite new pokemon from the game, so here we go!

Nickit (cute design!)

Boltund (smooth, well designed—not too cluttered)

Ponyta/Rapidash (MY LITTLE PONY… I think Rapidash could look better, but I’m just glad they cared enough to try something new with them…)

Frosmoth (Super pretty pokemon design.)

Dragapult (Nifty design.)

Most of the new designs are just…okay. There are a lot I don’t actually care for. But I’m biased; I just want more creature-based pokemon that look like they could exist and function in the world they live in. Some of these designs they come up with look like they’d have died out ten thousand years ago due to being Poorly Evolved lol.

 Final Thoughts [6/10]

The worst part of the game for me personally was probably feeling like I was getting interrupted constantly by other characters. JUST LET ME PLAY. But the best part was definitely exploring the new areas, catching a shiny 2 hours into the game, and getting to the end more or less with the team I started with.

The individual scores don’t add up to a 6/10 (they actually add up to a 5.16/10) but I think it’s worth noting that I did have a fun time playing through the game, I intend to hop into the breeding stuff, and even though I don’t have to keep max raid battling and stuff, I probably will.

It’s far from the 9s that it was getting by certain people from certain places that won’t be named here, but it’s not as if it’s a dumpster fire game. I don’t regret the money I spent on it, and I hope to keep enjoying the game for a few more months (albeit more casually than I did over the weekend), but I hope GameFreak has learned from its follies and puts its best foot forward with the next game, because I will not manage to be this forgiving again.

[the-lupine-sojourner]

A Merman and a Teacher [Merman!Kirishima/Takara] [No Quirk AU]

Okay so I am not sure where this story is going and would love suggestions! Anyway, I would like to thank @thetrashyartwitch for letting me use this story as inspiration for this. I try to make things a little different, and I hope you like it!! 

I’m also tagging @elite-guard-hardygal , @souskena , and @dailyojiromashirao . Hope you guys don’t mind! 

Okay! Here’s the Link to the First Chapter!!! Please send in any and all suggestions you guys have! Please! I really wanna know what you all have to say! 

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

Over the next few weeks, I came by the alcove every day and discovered through several instances of the merman flicking water at me or tugging me toward him or dunking me that he had a naturally playful, pranking nature.

He had a habit of pulling that shit whenever I was talking too long, or threatened to leave, or simply whenever he felt like it. I felt a genius stroke of luck when I thought to download a free phonetics app for my phone. It was supposed to help children learn how to sound out words and my friend seemed to like it a lot. I used it to help him and he soon learned how to say my nickname (Kara) and a few short, usually three-letter, words. As long it wasn’t complicated or long, he could actually say it after a while of struggling with it.

Almost every time I praised him for sounding a word out properly, he would turn his cheek to me, and if I were to hesitate or refuse, he’d rarely slam his salty cheek against my lips regardless if he was feeling particularly needy.

I’d always scold him and he would sit there, a smug, unrepentant look on his face as he watched me get flustered as I tell him he can’t keep forcing me to kiss him. I knew he didn’t understand the precise words I was using, but he wasn’t entirely dumb; he knew I was always upset when he did it.

A few times, I’d bring food in a waterproof container, like a Thermos. Mainly, I brought cheap sushi or boardwalk food.

Like today. My companion greedily sucked down the food I brought him and begged for more. I refused, careful not to let the water get all over the food when he flicks water at me petulantly.

This was getting a bit out of hand, honestly. I move away and motion for him to stay. “You let me eat.” I explain. “Then Kara back.” I started using smaller, simpler words when around this merman. He was only beginning to understand human speech and mannerisms, but he caught on pretty quick, all things considered.

I then look at my phone as I eat and notice that it was nearly four in the afternoon, and I’d promised my uncle I’d come visit today. I sigh heavily and swim toward the entrance, knowing the merman enough to dodge his grab at my ankle. He’s pouting, and I smile. “Me go, come back later.” He crosses his arms, looking away and sinking into the water like a child. I roll my eyes and laugh. “Bye.” I call. Instantly, the merman is in front of me, cheek turned to me. I sigh. It had become tradition that my departure is worthy of a kiss. So I give him one before waving as I swim away reluctantly.

=#=#=#=#=

“Why do you smell like the beach?” Uncle Yoshi asks. I shrug.

“I swam.” I reply vaguely, not noticing the dopey smile on my face. I hadn’t had time to shower and freshen up before visiting hours were over and my parents also wanted to visit him today.

“Oh? With anyone?” I blush.

“N-no.” I reply.

“Ah-ha! You deny it! It’s true!” Uncle Yoshi cackles, it soon dissolving into coughs. I sigh.

“Look, I- -”

“Who?” He presses once his coughing subsides. I shake my head. “C’mon, Mei.” He cooes. “Tell your uncle what’s going on.” He pleads. I bite my lip. ‘Oh, yeah. I’ve met and kinda befriended a merman, Uncle Yoshi. He’s cool, but kinda flirty. Oh, and I’m teaching him English so I can actually talk to him in proper sentences and have him understand.’ that would go over well.

“...I just swam with a friend.”

“Bullshit! You don’t blush and stammer about swimming with a ‘friend’, Mei.” He counters, smiling in victory. “So. Spill.” It was only two words, but I felt their weight settle on my shoulders. He had contracted cancer, so it wasn’t like he could run down the street yelling to the world that his niece had met and could sorta talk to a merman.

Also, he’s such a nice guy, he’d understand that it had to be a secret...right? I bite my lip. “It’s a long story…” I mumble.

“I have the time.”

“It has to remain secret, okay? I’m being serious, Uncle Yoshi. You’ll understand when I’m done.” My uncle raises a brow but nods.

“Alright. Whatever you say will not leave this room.” He always knew when I was being dead serious, like now. I swallow.

“Okay, so...about two weeks ago, I was walking down to the pier because I couldn’t sleep, and then I hear people on the pier messing around, so I look over and- -I’m being dead serious- -there were two mermen and a human woman all leaning or sitting on the pier. I didn’t believe it at first, but it’s real.” I pull up the video and picture of that night. “They left soon after this because a patrol showed up, and I came back after work the next day and eventually found the red-head merman again. I’ve been trying to help him learn English and introducing him to sushi and whatever else I can buy cheap on the boardwalk.” I explain, squirming as I waited for his reaction. Uncle Yoshi was silent a good minute or two, and it was an eternity before he spoke.

“You’re right to keep this a secret, Takara.” He murmurs, fiddling with a stray string on his blanket absently. “There are many dangerous things in the water.” I blink.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve seen my own merman. Not as young as the ones you’ve seen, but I saw one; it saved my life once.” I tilt my head. “It was a long time ago. Made a dive to explore a shipwreck; nothing I hadn’t done a bunch before. Only this time, as I was leaving, I cut my leg on a part of the ship. Tried to get up to the surface quickly, but I was too slow. A great white, one of the biggest ones I’ve ever seen, came charging right at me. Before I could blink, it had my leg in it’s mouth, yanking me this way and that. I tried everything recommended for this scenario, but it was so big, nothing I did had an effect. Then out comes this- -this blur. Knocked the shark right off me, pulled me behind it in a heartbeat. Turns out, it was a very muscular merman with a series of scars and the tail of a whale shark.” Listening to the story, I was stunned. My Uncle had never quite been the most open person, but if you asked him a direct question, he’d answer honestly. It did make sense that he’d never told me about this encounter before, but holy crap! There was someone else beside that woman on the pier that’s seen a mermaid? There were more than two mermen?! I shouldn’t be surprised, but still... “Of course, once he’d sent the shark on it’s way with a few punches, he helped me to the surface, vanishing the next instant. No one would ever believe me, I thought, so I never told anyone. I lied and said the techniques I used somehow worked and I managed to make the shark go away.” He sighs and next thing I know, he’s smacked my shoulder. “You, on the other hand, are an idiot! What if I hadn’t met that merman, huh?!” I wince, rubbing my shoulder.

“Look, you’re the one who pressed me into answering!” I protest defiantly, pouting a little at him.

“And you decided to answer honestly?!”

“Well, pardon me for being raised not to lie!” I shoot back. My uncle then chuckles.

“Good girl. Stand by your decisions, unless you’re proven wrong, no matter what.” I grin back at him.

“I know.” It was something of a family motto, one repeated frequently. Uncle Yoshi put his hand on mine.

“Tell me more about this merman.” I grin and continue.

“He’s actually kinda smart! I have a phonetics app on my phone and he’s hooked on it!” I laugh. “He’s like a little kid, really, the way he acts, but he means well. He’s also a bit of a prankster, dunking or splashing me sometimes or tugging on my feet. He likes to play with my toes sometimes, and my hand.” On and on I went, unheeding of my uncle’s knowing smile or the fact that my grin had turned positively dopey the longer I spoke.

“You really like this merman, don’t you?” My uncle interrupts. I flush.

“I...he’s kind of my friend at this point, you know? He’s come a long way from where he started and I like watching him improve, even if he wants a cheek kiss for every ‘accomplishment’.” I roll my eyes, remembering the salty taste of his cheek, the pride in the merman’s ruby eyes, the way his skin glistened when it wasn’t in the water...

Promptly banishing that thought, I notice Uncle Yoshi laughing.

“So, he’s a flirt, huh?” I nod, blushing a little.

“A bit. I’m teaching him not to be too pushy, though.”

“That’s...good.” My uncle replies, brow raised and amusement in his eyes and voice.

“Either way, I don’t plan on stopping the visits.” I muse, knowing my uncle would probably suggest it. He was a bit more cautious since his diagnosis, after all. He sighs.

“And I wouldn’t ask you to. Just...be cautious. If anyone else were to find out...I doubt it would end well.” I nod.

“I know.” The silence lingers.

“You’re an amazing woman, Takara.” I look at him, surprised. Not necessarily at the words, just at the sudden urge to say them.

“Okay.” I reply, unsure how else to handle that.

“I mean it. Some people would have turned the merman in if they’d found him. He’s lucky it was you.” I smile at the compliments and the thought of how lucky I was to be one of three known people to have seen a merman.

“And I feel lucky to have seen and befriended him.” Then, before the conversation could continue, my parents arrive. This was usually how it went; we got individual visits, so the older people could speak freely without the younger kids and young adults in the family being weighed down by the conversation. I stand and hug him. “It was so great to see you, Uncle Yoshi.” I farewell, kissing his cheek. My parents wait for me to finish farewelling him before fully entering the room.

“Keep me updated, okay?” It was a purposely vague question from my uncle. I nod. “I know transfer students can be a hassle, but you’ll manage.” I smile gratefully at the frankly great cover story.

“I know. I’ll be back hopefully by next week.” He nods.

“Sounds good. Love you!”

“Love you!” With that, I wave and walk out of the hospital, feeling better now I’d finally let out the secret to someone I could trust.

And to cap it off, my uncle had met a merman, too! How wild was that?!

Sleep was hard, but eventually, I succumbed.

=#=#=#=#=

The next week crawled by, the kids being respectful and hardly causing any fuss, for once. It seemed they finally understood that school was going to happen whether they liked it or not.

Soon enough, I could leave and grab food and a change of clothes for after the beach and then it was off to see the merman (Dear God, I need to help him tell me his name! I can’t keep calling him ‘the merman’ forever…).

As usual, he was waiting at the entrance, practically dragging me into the alcove in his excitement. “Kara back!” He squeals, nuzzling my cheek with his scaly one. I scoot him away gently.

“Kara back.” I repeat patiently.

“Play phone now!” I laugh. Of course he’d immediately want my phone. Despite needing to take a break to let his eyes rest after staring at a different kind of light then he was probably used to in the ocean depths, he took to the app as easily as he swam around.

Actually speaking the words was more of a challenge, but he took to the challenge with an admirable gusto and determination.

I pull up the app, laughing, and hand the phone to him as we settle into our usual spot in the shallower section of the alcove, where I didn’t have to tread water and he didn’t have to get completely out of the water, laying propped on his elbows, engrossed in the app, which currently was helping him pronounce ‘name’. I found that a bizarre coincidence, considering that I’d wanted to ask his name for a while, having to wait for him to know more English before I brought it up. “Hey.” He reluctantly tears his eyes away and looks at me. “What’s your name?” He blinks several times before doing a series of clicks, groans, and whistles that I couldn’t translate. I give him a pointed ‘that doesn’t answer my question’ look and his face screws up in thought. He pulls my phone back up to his face and taps on it. Under his breath, he was doing that weird groan/click/whistling thing I assume is the language of mermen, but as usual I didn’t have any clue what he was saying.

He knew the app pretty much inside out and there was a keyboard that would sound out the letter you pushed. He presses several keys and I have to ask him to do it a few more times before I understood. “...Kirishima?” I ask. He beams at me and nods so fast, I swear he has whiplash. Before I can react, he hugs me and we end up underwater. If not for the many many times we’d ended up swimming when we didn’t mean to, I’d have been shocked and a little mad, but this was kinda routine at this point. Kirishima (I am so happy I know his name now!) knows my limits roughly and lets me up a few moments later, arms still around me as we go back to where he’d dropped my phone in his excitement. I thanked the Lord every day that I had thought to buy that waterproof case.

Regardless, I fish it out and reopen the app. “Here, you play more.” I urge, and he goes back to work. Kirishima was happily tapping away for awhile while I sometimes had to offer a bit of help on a word or sound that gave him trouble. Eventually, I had to leave, and he gave me one last hug before reluctantly giving my phone back and letting me leave.

He had really had improved a lot since we’d started meeting up, and I felt proud of him. In a way, he was different than my students at the school.

They were born into the language and just needed help learning English. But with Kirishima, he was from a totally different world, with its own set of languages and rules and customs, and yet he wanted to learn English so we could communicate. He was always so happy to overcome the challenge of a new word or learning a new phrase. I wonder if cheek kisses were a common reward in mer-culture (if that’s the right word), or if he’d simply seen that blonde merman get one for winning the arm-wrestling, and wanted some for himself. Either way, he was pretty funny that way, and I didn’t mind as long as he didn’t push it.

I then shake my head. It probably wasn’t a good idea to be reading so much into Kirishima, but I couldn’t help it! Frankly, I didn’t get out much, so this was the biggest thing in my life right now.

Maybe that’s all this is...Yeah. That’s the only reason...right?

[changarroo]

Lost Boy // Changbin AU

Reposting since posting on a mobile devices suckssssss. Here is the full AU for y’all :)) Also can we talk about the fact that this AU is 17 PAGES LONG?!?!

Word Count: 7k

Genre: Angst // Fluffy

Some trigger warnings but we put an edited section as well. 

You sit at the bottom of the stairs watching your mother leave...not that it is anything new.

*Flashback*

“Y/N we will be at the end of the month.” Your mother tells you

“M-mommy did you fo-forget?” You ask looking up at her

Your mother sighs “What are you talking about Y/N”

“M-my b-bir” You say stuttering

“ Spit it out Y/n! We need to get your stuttering under control. Sophia while we are gone make sure to schedule appointments for Y/N to see a speech therapist her stuttering still has not improved. Oh i’m going to be late for my flight. See you later mommy loves you.” She said and with that she closes the door

“My birthday….” You say quietly

* End of Flashback*

You sigh heading up to your room not bothering to say goodbye. You are always on your own not that it bothered you, you’d prefer to be alone than be stuck with a woman who is practically has her head up her ass. Your father was just as your mother in and out not bothering to speak a word to you just adding money to you bank account, money that you have been saving up so you can withdraw it and escape

You’ve been planning your escape since the age of fourteen, you knew that you were never destined for this life, you started out by following your parents schedule but you were never serious enough to follow through until now. You have enough money saved up to last you at least three or four years. The only reason it took you so long to follow with the plan was the money and the women who practically raised you

*Flashback*

“Happy Birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear Y/N Happy birthday to you.” A women sings

You awake from your sleep to see to see Sophia your caregiver holding a cake. You smile wide

“Is it-

“Vanilla sponge cake with buttercream icing yes it is” She chuckles

You begin to cry she places the cake and walks over to you.

“Please don’t cry Y/N it’s your birthday.” She says

“W-why doesn’t mommy or daddy love me? W-why do t-they have to go all t-the time?” You cry into her chest

“Baby they do love you they just don’t know how to show it. Say how about you take a shower and wash your pretty face, then come downstairs to eat some cake.” She suggests

You nod and smile

*End of Flashback*

You smile every time you think of that memory, it definitely was one that changed your views on life. She was the only person that actually seemed to care… until you met woojin! That happy little ball of sunshine. You never understood how one person could be so happy but he never failed to make you laugh everyday.

“Why does he make you so happy.” A voice says

You jump dropping the items you held in your hand and look around your room not seeing anyone, you know it cannot be Sophia because she doesn’t come until later nor does she have a males voice.  You slowly turn back around to see a figure lying on your bed

“AHHH WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU.” you scream not thinking of the proper sentence

“It’s who are you firstly and second it’s not very nice to scream at your guest.” He said

You just look at him

“Take a photo it will last longer. You know your bed is not that comfortable.” He said

“Excuse me can you get out. I have no idea who you are or how you got in my house but can you leave before I call the police.” You say trying to scare him

“Call them.” Is all he simply said

You pick your phone up to call and it is flown out of you hand

“You know that’s a very cute picture. Who is this guy?” He ask

“I’ll answer when you tell me who you are.” You reply irritated

“Changbin nice to meet you. Now who is this”

You run to snatch your phone back but he moves so quickly that you fall flat on your face.

“Too slow.” He teases you

You huff out in annoyance

“Well Changbin if you must know that is Woojin my best friend.” You cross your arms

“He’s your best friend?” He laughs

“Yes he is my best friend what is so funny about that?” You ask

“He doesn’t fit you.” He says

“Excuse me you inconsiderate prick what do you know about me.”

*Warning this might be a sensitive topic so I will make a separate part in parentheses for you guys*   

“Everything babygirl… you never were shown love by your parents, constantly left alone, never had a friend until little woojin…” He says dangling a picture of you and him in a frame

“Came along.” He drops it

“You have anxiety, depression, and you used to cut yourself. You have scars of all shapes and sizes running down your legs arms and hips. You tried to kill yourself but I guess it never worked because you are still here right. Little Woojin stopped you from that and is trying to fix you but I don’t think its working since you are planning to run away.” He laughs

“Stop it.” You say

“All you ever wanted was mommy’s attention but she could care less about you. Don’t even mention your father he wanted a boy to run his company but he got stuck with a female a weak one if that. You got good grades, joined clubs,played sports, hell you even changed your style to become more girly to fit in with your moms friends daughter but she still d-didn’t c-care did she.” He finished

*Edited Version*

(“Excuse me you inconsiderate prick what do you know about me.”

“Everything babygirl… you never were shown love by your parents, constantly left alone, never had a friend until little woojin…” He says dangling a picture of you and him in a frame

“Came along.” He drops it

“All you ever wanted to do was fit in with the crowd that was presented but no  the matter what you did you were an outcast, a fool, a loser, a gypsy, a castaway seriously list can go on and on. )

You had tears streaming down your face

“SHUT UP GET OUT I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.” You scream closing your eyes covering your ears

When you open your eyes he was gone. You grabbed your phone and called woojin

“C-can w-we meet up?” You asked

“O-of course wanna meet up at the ice cream shop?” He suggest

You hum in response and hang up grabbing your shoes and walking downstairs

“Where ya going?” You recognized the voice but chose to ignore him

“I asked you a question.” He states back

“And I choose not to answer.” You snap back

“No need for attitude.” He snaps back

“Don’t get snappy with me you were the one with all the questions” You said walking towards the door.

“I wouldn’t touch the door knob if I were you” He said sitting on the staircase.

You looked about at him and get dead eyed him for about ten seconds before you reach for the door knob. You felt an electric shock go throughout your whole body.

“HEY WHAT WAS THAT FOR” You quickly turned to him.

“I warned you didn’t I” He said still sitting in the same position.

You can see him chuckle but you were three seconds away from screaming at him.

“All I want to do is meet with Woojin.” You sigh

“Why I am way better than him. I mean look at me.” He said

You could not lie he was handsome but he was a jerk as well.

“You may know all my issues but what are you going to do” You said crossing your arms leaning onto the door.

“I don’t know I never dealt with issues like this.” He said walking down the stairs up to you.

“Well once you learn I’m going to Woojin.” You said opening the door and walking out the door.

-------

“Hey what took you so long” Woojin said standing up once you arrived at the Ice Cream Parlor.

“It’s a long story not in the mood to tell.” You said setting your bag down.

“Okay then... I order your usual ice cream Vanilla Tangerine and Shortbread.” He said and smiled.

You couldn’t help but smile

“Thank you woojinnie.” You said giggling

The rest of the day went well, the two of laughed and joked and ended up at the park.

“You know woojin…” You say looking at him as you lie on the grass

“We’ve been friends for ages but no feelings have ever sparked between us… weird.” You chuckle

“Y-yeah I guess…” Woojin said

“Why do you sound so unsure?” You ask

“Oh it’s nothing my stomach hurts because of the ice cream.” He said laughing

“Oh my goodness let’s go!” You said grabbing his hand

“You need to get home and rest… you did eat three ice creams you dummy.” You also said

“It made you smile right?” He asks

“Of course you always make smile.” You state pinching his cheek

You notice him blushing

“Let me walk you home it’s getting pretty late.” He said wrapping his arms around your shoulder

“What about your stomach?” You ask

“Eh don’t worry I will live.” He smiles

-----------

You finally arrive at your house and you turn to him…

“Thank you for making my day so much better. You always make me the happiest girl.” You give him a hug resting your head on his shoulder

“You know I’d do anything for you in a heartbeat.” He says grabbing your face and looking into your eyes

You try to look away as a blush formed on your cheeks

“Y-you sh-should head home it’s going to be late soon.” You suggested

“Yeah you are right...  I’ll see you later.” He began to walk away

“See you.” You wave

You sigh and begin to walk into the house as you see him slowly fade away

“Why didn’t you kiss him?” Is the first thing you hear as you step into your house

“You’re still here.” You state looking at the familiar spirit sitting on your staircase.   

“Am I supposed to answer that?” He asked

“Are you an idiot! What are you still doing here?” You try to say camly

“Don’t you think I would leave if I could. I don’t want to stuck in a house with you.” He sighed and threw himself on the couch

“What do you mean if you could you would.”

“Sweetheart I am not...” He said calmly

“You know what just be out of my house in the morning” You said

“Yeah I would if I could you brat” He replied.

“What do you mean if you could” You question his responds.

“Listen sweetheart” he started to say before you cut him off.

“Y/N”

“Listen Y/N, you’re stuck with me I’m stuck with you. It’s a blessing for you curse for me.”

“How it is a blessing for me?”

“Umm you have this beautiful face to look at. I am come on I’m freakin handsome”. He said winking at you.

“What beauty? I am not impressed.” You say setting down your bag and taking your shoes off

He gasps

“EXCUSE ME YOU HORSE.” He yells at you

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HORSE? YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE LONG FACE.” You state back

“A-You are not wrong about that but my face is still better.”  He said and walked away

You have no energy left to deal with his childish ways.

Once finally making it to your room you lock the door and jump on your bed. Today has been way to much for you too handle and you slowly drift off to sleep.

--------------

You wake up to a horrible smell.

“What the heck is going on” You thought

You jump up and see Changbin in the kitchen holding a burnt pan with mush in it.

“Changbin what in the world are you doing.” You question him

“Well I was trying to make food for me since sleeping beauty wants to sleep in late but as you can see it did not turn out so well.” He says shyly

You laugh and walk over to him

“Just leave the cooking to me please or sophia. Speaking of Sophia she was supposed to be here yesterday… I should probably call her. Excuse me for a second.” You say as you leave the room

*Phone Call*

Sophia: Hello

Y/N:  Hey is everything okay? You didn’t come yesterday

Sophia: Yeah everything is fine just a minor emergency.

Y/N: Oh okay will you be coming over today?

Sophia: Yes I will try darling

Y/N: Okay I’ll see you soon

*End of Call*

You walk back to the kitchen and pull things out of the refrigerator but as you doing this you can feel an intense stare but your are trying to ignore it. Half way through you beginning to cook the staring doesn’t stop, so you turn around

“What the hell are you staring at me for?” You ask

“I’m trying to make you disappear.” He said calmly

“Don’t worry I’ll be leaving soon.” You mumble

“What was that?” He asked

“Don’t worry about it.” You reply

Once you finish cooking you make a plate and Changbins eyes look wide and his mouth begins to water.

“Wow it looks so good!” He says in excitement

“Thanks.” You day and walk right past him

His smile drops

“Hey where’s my plate?” He questions

“Oh you can fix it. I think I left enough for you.” You say as you keep walking to your room

He just smiles and shakes his head

“This girl is something else.” He said and heads to “fix” his plate.

You sigh once reaching your room knowing that you are leaving in less than three days. It never occurred to you how much you were going to miss this place, Sophia, and Woojin

*FlashBack*

(Younger You)

Your giggle is heard across the house as you try to stay quiet while playing hide and seek with Sophia. Your best hiding spot was in your father's office. Though you are not allowed in there which makes it all the better. You hear footsteps coming closer and you place your hand over your mouth so you don’t laugh. The footsteps come closer and than stop. Your breathing is hitched in your throat

“Y/N are you in my office?” You father asked

What is he doing here? You begin to panic trying to calm your breathing down. Daddy is going to be so mad if I come out now

“Sir is everything alright?” You here Sophia ask

“What is Y/N doing in my office I told you all this place is off limits!” He yells at her

“Y-Yes sir I am aware.” She says looking at you

You are in deep trouble if he finds where you are out. You look at her with pleading eyes

“Sir I apologize again but are you sure she is in-” Sophia knocks off documents that were placed nicely on your fathers desk.

“Sir I am so sorry. I lost my balance.” She said as she bends down the other way blocking your fathers view as he and she pick up the papers

Quietly you sneak out of the hiding spot and run for the door down the stairs and outside.

Your breathing in uncontrollably fast and your chest begins to tighten, more tears are flown down you face

“Are you okay?” Someone asks

You look up to see a kid with wide smile and yellow blondish hair

You shake your head no

“M-My ch-chest h-hurts.” You barely spoke out

“Here try this my doctor gave this to me when my chest hurts.” He said give you a weird shaped object

“You place it in your mouth and press the top and a medicine will shoot out. It’s called an inhaler!” He explains

You do as your told and press it. The cold funny tasting spray shoots into your mouth and you scrunch your face

He giggles at your facial expression

“It taste weird…” You say giving him back the inhaler

“Yeah but do you feel better? I hope it works I don’t like seeing you sad.” He blurts out

This kid was strange to you. How could he care about you and not even know you

“I’m Woojin.” He stuck his hand out

“I-I’m Y/N.” You reply back

“Wanna come play at my house. I have apple juice and cookies.” He suggest

Your smile got brighter

“Y-Yeah l-let me g-go ask S-Sophia” You stutter out

You walk back into the house and you hear crying and moaning. You aren’t sure of what it is so you walk closer and you see Sophia and she’s crying. You were about to say something when she shook her head no and looks at you

“Go please.” She mouths

You run downstairs and outside to Woojin

“S-She sa-said yes.” You half heartedly smile

“Okayy oh I have dogs and sibling by the way. They are all really nice.”

*End of FlashBack*

“You think too much.” Changbin states as he appears on your bean bag in the corner

“You know you are really getting on my last nerve. Tell me about yourself Mr. High and Mighty”

“Well… my name is Seo Changbin I am nineteen years old and I have an older sister.” He sighs

You look at him “Go on.”

“I like to compose music, sing, and rap. I used to be in a group called 3RACHA with two other members, as well as debuting with six other guys that were like my brother. I had a future ahead of me but I ruined it…” He pauses

“H-How did you ruin it?” You ask quietly

“I me-mean you d-don’t h-have to tell me.” You spit out fast

“You are cute when you stutter.” He says and looks at you

You quickly look away “What happened”

“I was shot,, it’s a pretty ugly story.”

“Please tell me what happen if you don’t mind” you said interrupting him midway through his sentence.

“I was out with my best friend Felix and there was this guy or company or whatever that kept stealing our groups music so we wanted to do something about it” he began.

“It was midday and we went to the house of the CEO of the opposing company who was stealing our music to confront him. Little did we know how wicked this guy was. We saw him yell at one of his workers and that when things took turn. Felix he charged into the house and started to curse at the owner. All of a sudden a gun was up to his head.”

You felt tears coming down your face.

“I quickly pushed Felix out of the way and”

“Changbin did you?”

“I took a bullet for my best friend, yes. He was a year younger than me but I can’t live with myself if he died”

“Wow” you said looking down at the ground “How did you become”

“A spirit, funny story I don’t really know how the whole spirit thing works. But I guess I can talk to you and you can talk to me”.

“Do you remember who shot you?”

“All I remember was staring at a man in front of me and looking at a woman with the gun up to Felix”.

You wanted to go run up to Changbin and give him a hug but wasn’t sure if it was going to work.

You ignore every law of science and just went straight for a hug and to your surprise it work.

There was a cold feeling hugging him but you were hugging him. You could feel his arms wrapped around you and pulling you closer. Something about this felt right.

“You are pretty short.” He says as he rest your head into his chest.

You do not understand what you are doing but everything just felt natural, something about his oura made you feel warm but you knew you needed to pull away

“Do you ever sleep?” You ask pulling away from him going towards your bed

“Define sleeping?” He asked

“Seven to eight hours of sleep?” You reply  

“I think you mean dozing off and waking up every five seconds yeah I sleep.” He said looking away

You lean back and look at him biting your lip. You honestly feel bad for him. Even though he did a good deed he is stuck in this form.

“A while back you said this was a curse right.” You recall

“Yeah… what about it?” He asks looking at you

“H-How do you break it or lift it?” You ask curiously

“Do you really want to know?” He said taking steps closer to the bed

“Y-yeah.” You said shyly

He takes more steps closer to where the bed is and sits next to you

You get nervous because you have no idea what he is going to do next

“Ch-changbin how do you break it.” You ask once again

“Why do you not want me to be here anymore .” He says coming closer to you

You scoot further away from him though there is not much room left

“There is something about you that ca-” He stops as the doorbell rings

“I sh-should go get that.” You push him off running out the room and tripping over your feet

“Th-that did not happen.” You blush and open the door

“Ah that girl makes me feel complete something I have never felt before.” He sighs sitting on the edge of the bed…

You finally reach downstairs and look through the camera to see Sophia. You immediately open the door and squeal.

“Hello beautiful.” She says with a beautiful smile

“Momma Sophia.” You say back moving to the side to let her in

“There are groceries in the back we are going to cook tonight.” She sad

“Just like old times?” You questioned

“Just like old times my darling.” She said back

You nod and walk out the door

“Is this really the right thing to do? Am I really going to be able to break her heart?” You think to yourself as you grab the bags out of the car

For some reason your mind goes back to Changbin... if I leave will he be trapped in this house… he can’t leave. Should I just stay until we can find a way to lift the curse. Your mind is running and running you don’t even realize you are at the door.

You just sigh

“Y/N are you feeling okay sweetheart?” Sophia asks as you set the bags down

“Yeah just a lot on my mind…” You simply say

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asks once again

You just begin to cry. You have no idea why just a wave of emotions hit you and you begin to shake. Why am I feeling this way. I can’t focus…

“Y/N” You hear faintly

“Y/N!!”

The last thing you see is Changbin lunging for you

----------------

*While You Are Sleeping*

“Wh-where am I.” You say out loud

You slowly sit up and look around… it’s your room

You jump up quickly “What is going on” You say as you hear muffled yelling

You open your door to see black figures heading towards your father’s office but they are moving so quickly, so you follow them as well. Once arriving you push open the door to see four figures. One tall man with brown hair wearing a suite but his face is black, another was a female her body was more defined and she had blonde hair that stopped just above her waist, the other two were males as well one were what you assumed to be a flannel tied to his waist with blonde hair, and lastly was a shorter male, his hair was parted slightly in the middle he wore all black, but his face was almost recognizable it was long and sharp just li-like changbin. You move closer to see watching your steps because there was glass all on the floor, before you could even look up the was a loud bang sound that caused your ears to ring. You instantly reach for them and hold them

You shot up breathing hard and you look around, you are in your room. You freeze, I cannot be reliving what just happened

“Are you okay?” It was Changbin

You scramble to get up and run to him and hug him

He was shocked at first but then slowly wrapped his arms around you

“Hey what is going on?” He questions you

“I don’t know wh-what I just saw but I d-don’t want to s-see it ag-again.” You say still in fear

“Let’s get you back into bed.” He suggests

“NO!” You yell back

“Hey easy their doll face.” He said trying to calm you

You door opens and both of you snap your head towards the door, it was Sophia

“Are you okay Y/N? I heard you scream” She rushes over to you and places her hand on your forehead

“I’m fine… I am okay for now.” You rush out as your eyes dart to Changbin who has a look of fear written all over his face

“I think I just need more rest. It’s been a really stressful past two days.” You say trying to get her to leave

“Okay yeah you are right. I will wake you up in a few hours to see if you are okay.” She said

You hum in response and get under the blankets. She kisses your head and walks out

“Changbin are you okay?” You sit up looking at him

“W-who is that?” He questions

“That is Sophia. She is like my mother.” You say and smile

“S-she really seems to care for you.” He said

“Yeah she has really been the biggest part in my life besides Woojin. I feel bad though.” You said and finally laid down you pat a spot next to you for Changbin

“Why do you feel bad?” He ask

“Ever since you came along… my focus is not on Woojin and he is the only man in my life to care for me.” You say and yawn

“I still don’t know what you see in him.” He said sitting next to you on the bed

“It’s not about looks to me… it’s the way he treats me. It’s almost as if I can’t give him what he wants but he still comes back to me. I can see the pain in his eyes whenever I used about liking a  guy but he always told me to go for it or late nights I would call him whenever my parents made cry and he would always leave his window unlocked for me. The way he held me in his arms he… he made me feel human… I don’t know what I am talking about anymore. I should probably sleep.” You finish and close your eyes

Changbin is still wide awake staring at the wall

“I don’t like this Woojin guy. I don’t trust him” Changbin says to himself

He turns his head and looks at you, listening to your heart beat, counting how many breaths you take.

“Y/N I don’t understand what you are doing to me but it is making me feel alive again”

-------------

There is a slight knock on the door which makes Changbin shake you.

“Ugh you sleep like a log” Changbin soon pushed you off the bed onto the floor.

“Hey what was that for.”

Changbin points to the door as another knock was heard.

You sit up “Come in.” You say to the person outside the door.

It was Sophia

“There is a boy at the door for you. It’s Woojin.” Sophia states

“Crap. Okay give me a second. Ummm I gotta get dressed.” You rush up and push her out

“Why are you rushing.” Changbin questions

You stop and look at him

“What do you mean?” You ask

“I mean you look fine. Why are you rushing to try and fix yourself.” He said quietly

“I d-don’t know. Are you sure I look okay?” You look at him

“Yeah I’m sure. Go see him.” He said

You smile and walk out

Changbin sighs

“Can’t I keep you Y/N…” Changbin says and heads downstairs

--------------------

“Hey Woojin!” You say in excitement and run to him

“Hey Y/N.” He says and hugs you

“What are you doing here? This is quite a surprise!”

“Yeah” a smile appeared on his face

“What do I owe this pleasure?” You say taking a seat on the couch motioning for him to come next to you

“I brought your favorite junk food and comedy movie!”

“Changbin scoffs and walks over in front of Woojin and you gasp

“What’s wrong?” Woojin asks

“N-nothing I just thought I saw something.” You say glaring at him

He smiles evilly

“I’ll be right back do you want water or something?” You ask trying to get Changbin to follow you to the kitchen

“I’ll take water.” He shouts back

Little did you know Changbin already did his deed..

You open the fridge and the water bottles are at the highest self

“What the heck? What are you doing” You said looking at Changbin who is standing right in front of you.

“What I can’t be locked up in your room all day sweetheart” he said looking at you.

His eyes seem darker than normal and his smile was glowing.

“You can stay but you have to say twenty feet away from Woojin and I”

“TWENTY FEET?!”

“I need to make sure you don’t pull anything” staring directly into Changbin eyes.

What is going on why is he like this.

“Woojin can you please help me with the drinks”  You said  not breaking eye contact with Changbin

“Yeah of course.” Woojin yells from the couch

You watch as he stands up to take a step and everything went down from that and you truly meant down. Woojin took a step and lunged forward trying to grab a hold of something and all you saw was fear written over his face. You stay in place due to being shocked at the scene in front of you, popcorn flown in the air that he placed on the couch,  a loud crash sound was heard as  Woojin and the popcorn bowl hit the ground and shattered.

“Oh my goodness.” You yelled and rush over to his side trying to be careful of all the glass around him

“Woojin!” You laugh and quickly cover your mouth

He begins to laugh as well

“I kn-know I shouldn’t be laughing but this is so funny.” You say while still laughing

“Oh my lord is everything okay?” Sophia asks rushing down the stairs

“Yeah we are fine. I need to go get Woojin cleaned up.” You say while helping him up but as you do you notice his shoe strings are tied together.

“That little brat tied his shoes.” You thought to yourself

“Hey Woojin let me help you take your shoes off. We just got the carpet done in my room and I don’t want it to get dirty.” You said while taking off his shoes

“Thanks.” He simply said

While helping him to the stairs you look at Changbin’s face and it is bright red from laughing so hard.

“I’m going to get you back for this.” You mouth and his face instantly changes

--------------

“Okay Woojinnie you are all cleaned up. You had little cuts from the glass but nothing too serious.” You  say and kiss his small cut giggling

“Y/N I have been meaning to talk to you about something…” He pauses

“I’m not sure if you feel the same way or not but Y/N I'm in love with you. I have been for the past three years. I never told you because I don’t want to ruin our friendship but I cannot hold it back anymore. The more I look at you the more it hurts but a good hurt. It’s the kind of hurt that makes me want you more. Y/N you are a stunning girl, you are strong and you are completely different from any other girl and that is what makes me love you more. Y/N I’m not saying you have to love me the way I love you but you have to feel something…. There is something between us.” He finishes looking into your eyes

You could not gain the courage to speak up...you were complete in shock

“Y/N say something.” He pleads

You look up in the direction of the door and see Changbin looking not so pleasant

“I-I don’t know what to say. Woojin i’ve only ever seen you as friend. If I lead you on in some way I am sorry but you are my best friend.” You state honestly

“I’m tired of being labeled as your best friend. I want more! I deserve more.” He states

“Deserve more?” You questioned

“I have been the only male to care for you. It wasn’t easy either. I could’ve chosen other females but no I wanted you but I see that was a waste.” He says

“W-Why are you being so harsh. I am sorry I don’t feel the same way for you.” You say being very honest. Not once have you thought of Woojin more than a friend.

“Is there another guy? Who is he?” Woojin asked coming closer

“W-Woojin stop there is no other g-guy.” But in that same moment you thought of Changbin and how he made you feel. He made you frustrated yes but he is also very caring. You begin to cry I wish Changbin was here.

“Woojin please leave. You are acting irrational and it’s scaring me.” You beg trying to get further away from him

You back ends up hitting the wall and your anxiety began to pick up.

“It’s over I am completely weak against Woojin. I am so scared.” You thought

You close your eyes and just gave up, you slid your body to the floor and cried as you felt him closer.

But Nothing ever came. You open your eyes to see Changbin holding onto Woojin

“C-Changbin h-how are you doing that.” You question but he does not speak a word to you, his main focus is on Woojin and Woojin only.

The look in his face is something you’ve never seen before and it was haunting

It was almost like Changbin was glowing out of anger a dark red mist almost seeping out of him

You had no idea of what he was capable of.

“W-What are you doing Changbin!”

He didn’t listen.

“CHANGBIN STOP PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU” You scream at him.

Once he heard you he turned his head and looked at you. He saw how powerless you were in this situation. Quickly he ran up to you and comfort you wrapping you in his arms.

“I’m so sorry Y/N I don’t know what got over me. I think I just hate seeing you like this” he said finishing up wrapping you in the blanket.

“What the” before Woojin could finish Sophia entered the room.

“Y/N are you oh” before she could finish that sentence she locked eyes with Changbin and her jaw dropped.

“H-How are you here?” She questions out loud

“You” Changbin said standing up.

“What’s going on” you question the situation.

“I remember you, do you want to tell Y/N what happen?” Changbin said walking closer to Sophia.

“I-I have no idea what you are talking about Changbin.” She states

He chuckles “Oh really let me refresh your memory.”

“Five years ago I walked into this very house and demanded with my friend Felix, that the man you were working for would stop stealing our music. Of course he denied it.

*FlashBack*

“Are you sure this is a good idea Changbin.” Felix asks

“I’m sure but if you don’t want to go in than it’s fine. I’m tired of hearing our music that we worked hard on being used by someone else.” Changbin finishes

He had a point… a man named Park Hyunsik ( I love him so much. Watch Strong Girl Bong Soon)  from another company kept stealing the music Changbin and our group made. All nine of us were very upset so we finally decided to do something about it.

“No I’m good.” Felix turns and looks at him

“We got this.”

Both boys walk up to the door and bang on it making sure they were heard

The door is opened and a woman speaks “May I help you boys?” A women chuckles

“Yeah you can actually is Park Hyunsik here?” Changbin says

“Hyung don’t be so rude.” Felix  says

Changbin nods  just nod

“Yes he is. What is your business with him?” She asks

“We need to talk to him about stealing our music.” Felix says calmly

“E-Excuse me?” She asks

“More than six of our songs and demos have been stolen by Hyunsik and we have come here to talk to him. So if you would please move out of the way.” Changbin says

She stands there for a few seconds then smirks and moves to the side allowing them access

“What was that all about?” Felix asks

The door is locked and shut. Felix has a bad feeling about this.

“Changbin I don’t think we should do this. Trust me” Felix tries to plead his case.

“Look if you have a problem than go wait outside Felix.” Changbin

“There no need for that” the suited man said snapping his snapping his fingers.

All of a sudden you a gun click and slowly raising to Felix’s head.

“One more move and your friend is history”

“You are seriously that evil. You would kill an innocent person just so you can steal more songs. You want to become a murder and witness this child die? HE’S NOT EVEN EIGHTEEN YET AND YOU WANT TO TAKE HIS LIFE. WHAT KIND A HUMAN ARE YOU” Changbin screamed at the top of his lungs.

“One who loves money and has to provide for his family”

“Felix I’m so sorry”

“Hyung what are you talking about”

All of a sudden Changbin ran and pushed Felix out of the way. While doing this he closed his eyes knowing the events that were about to happen next. A gun shoot was heard.

“NOOOOO CHANGBIN!” Felix yelled seeing his best friend laying on the floor.

“You MONSTER LOOK WHAT YOU DID” he continued to yell. He then turned and face the woman that shoot Changbin. She was shaking herself in shook of the events that just play out in front of her.

With tears in his ears Felix finally looked her in the eye “I hope you remember this for the rest of your life.”

*End of FlashBack*

“S-Sophia how could you?” You look at her with such disgust

“I-I am so sorry. I’m sorry Changbin.” She starts to cry

“What are you sorry for the deed has been do-” Changbin doesn’t finish his sentence as he begins to fall

“Changbin!” You exclaim as you run over to catch him

“Y/N” Woojin said

“W-What Woojin?” You look at him with tears streaming down your face

“His time is up…” He looks down

“H-HOW DO YOU KNOW HE’S LEAVING! HE CAN’T LEAVE ME I NEED HIM!” You scream not realizing what you just said.

In that moment you started to realize the little

things Changbin has done for you. The way his eyes glow when he smiles. The way he makes you feel at home. You did not want to think of your days without him.. He is the reason you stayed… why can’t he stay. Why does he have to leave? I just want him to h-hold me

You can feel the tears spilling down your face

“Y/N” Woojin said putting his hand on your shoulder “I know you may not like me like that and I’m okay with that. I see the way you look at Changbin. You really love him Y/N”.

“Woojin I know I hurt you”

“Hey I’m fine. There are other people right” he said smiling.

“You will always be my best friend Woojinnie nothing is going to change that” tears started to roll down your eyes. Soon after you leaned into Woojin for a hug.

“You can save him you know” Woojin said looking down at you. “I read into this stuff when I was going through my quote on quote emo phrase but it should work”

“H-How please tell me how.” You sob harder

“If I am correct you are doing it now.” He says

“W-What?” You look at him confused

“When a trapped spirit exerts as much force as he did it has to be for a good reason. He did it for you… Y/N he loves you. He risked his life for you because I did a stupid thing. I let my emotions control me. I am so sorry.” He says tearing up

You hold him tighter and cry.

Why would he do such a thing, How could I have not seen it. I am such an idiot all the times he would act like an ass, he just was protecting me. He really does love me.

You fall onto Changbin chest just like the first time you hug him. You could still hear his heartbreak. You got up a bit lean over his head, hand on his cheek. Looking at him like this broke your heart.

“I love you Changbin” your voice started to break “please don’t leave me”.

A tear fall from your face onto his cheek. So after your head fell onto his chest.

“Y/N?”

You heard a voice but you thought you were dreaming. So you felt a hand on your arms. Opening your eyes you saw it in the flesh.

“Hey I’m okay Y/N” you heard that familiar voice again.

Lifting your head you were faced with Changbin in the flesh.

“C-Changbin y-you’re actually”

“It’s me Y/N” he said placing his hand on your cheek.

You couldn’t control your tears.

“Ch-Changbin I thought I lost you forever. I don’t know what I would do.” You grab onto him tighter

“It’s good to know someone will miss me” he said chuckling.

“Please don’t leave me.” You beg him

“I’m here now babygirl.” He said grabbing your hand and kissing it

You smile

“Sophia.” You say with a stern voice

“Y-yes?” She asks nervously

“You are a terrible women. I will never be able to look at you the same.” You said and shed a tear

“Y/N it’s fine. You shouldn’t hate her for the past. She is still the women who raised you.” Changbin says standing up reaching for your hand to stand you up.

“Please can everyone just leave us?” You try to ask nicely

Both Sophia and Woojin nod and leave closing the door

Changbin pulls you into his embrace again and you rest your head on his shoulder

“Do you really love me Y/N?” Changbin asks

“I would never lie to you.” You say looking into his eyes

“No you haven’t.” He says looking back at you and smiling

“And I will never.” You bite your lip

I really love this man.

“Y/N be mine.” He says quickly

“W-What?” You ask him again smiling just so you can hear it again

“Be my girl. I want to spend the rest of my human life with you. You are the only person who loved me and was willing to fight for me.” He finishes

You place your hands on either side of his face standing on your tippy toes, pulling him in for a kiss

“Of course.” You respond back and kiss him again

Changbin though it has been a short time I can not imagine myself without you.

“I bet you 11,000 won that it was my charming face that made you fall on your knees for me” Changbin said after the kiss

“And I bet it was my stuttering that made you fall for me” returning the answer.

“Where’s my wallet...you just got yourself 11,000 won” he said pressing his nose on yours smiling.

[animequeens]

Blessing in Disguise Part 3

"Erina sama?" Hisako knocked twice on the wooden door leading into the now-traditionally furnished conference room belonging to Totsuki's headmaster.

"I'm here," Erina replied in a sing-song fashion, her pen tapping mindlessly as the pink haired girl walked in with a stash of documents in tow.

Hisako sat the large pile of files on the table making a muffled bang before arching her back and stretching like a kitten.

"I have some urgent matters to discuss with you Erina Sama." Hisako walked towards Erina with a tea bag in her hands. She set the teabag inside Erina's mug before pouring some hot water in the cup. "Just the usual herbal tea to stabilise the early stages."

"Hmmm," hummed Erina as she took a sip of the tea, "You've really improved the taste to suit my palate, now I don't feel nauseous when I smell it."

Hisako smiled widely at the compliment. She scratched her cheek, proud as she replied, "I just altered a few herbs which had the same effect so I retained the purpose but changed the taste."

Erina smiled into her mug as she took another sip. "So, what do we need to discuss today?"

"2 major issues," Hisako replied seriously, taking her seat opposite Erina. She whipped out her ipad and continued, "I want to first discuss the arrangement of your public appearance as you continue your pregnancy and how we will be deal with your PR image and what you wish to be depicted as. The second is the autumn's election, the current elite tens brought up some proposal for this year's festival."

"What are your views on the public appearance?"

"I propose we restrict public appearance at around 20 weeks into the pregnancy or depending on how much you are showing."

"Hmmm," nodded Erina who had just finished her tea and reverted to tapping her pen lightly against her wooden table, "and you suggest this because?"

"Although Erina sama already have a very established reputation in the culinary world, where the success of your restaurant Fleur en Fleur doesn't rely on a pristine personal image, your role as Totsuki's head master does. Since some traditional Japanese family which some of our student body come from can still be conservative in relation to these matters, I would propose Erina sama hiding the fact that you are pregnant…out of wedlock."

"That is true," Erina sighed before she flicked through the index of elite ten profiles, "3 of the elite tens this year also come from these families."

Hisako looked at the blonde headmaster and she could sense the sadness Erina was trying so desperately to hide.

"I know the situation isn't ideal," Hisako sighed, "keeping him a secret for now is the best course for you though."

"We can hide him now, but how do we hide him after he is born? He won't be using a fake name and even out of wedlock he is of Nakiri blood." Erina twisted her side bangs slightly before letting them fall.

"We can figure it out as time goes?" Hisako suggested weakly, yet even she was unsure how they can maintain her public image if they revealed her pregnancy now.

"Yeah, I'm being silly and emotional again," groaned Erina frustrated with herself, "Must be the hormones again. Damn the devil's spawn."

"You need to stop refering to my god son as a devil's spawn," Hisako chuckled before she flicked her ipad to the next page, "About the autumn's election, the elite ten's this year wanted a supposed 'democratic' approach to the judge selection for this year's festival. The polls came back in today, we just need your signature and confirmation of a date to start organisation."

"The judges were?"

"As per tradition, you of course Erina-sama as the headmaster and the one with the most refined palate. The second judge people voted for was Eishi senpai."

Hisako paused at the mention of their white-haired senpai, unsure whether she should utter the third name.

"The last?" asked Erina half minded. She was too caught up in her own worries to catch the last name uttered by Hisako.

She signed the piece of paper swiftly, before meeting the eyes of a seemingly nervous Hisako.

"What's wrong?" asked Erina confused at her fidgeting best friend.

"Oh nothing," replied an equally puzzled Hisako, shocked by Erina's genuinely calm expression, "That's all for today, so I will head out now, oh but before I leave Erina-sama, I RSVPed your attendance for a social party next month celebrating Eishi senpai's new restaurant."

"That's fine, I didn't have a choice but attend anyways, especially if we need him back to judge the Autumn's election" chuckled Erina before she turned back to the mountainous pile of paper she had to go through.

(one month later)

When the night rolled in, Erina had just finished her day's work. The month following her discovery of her pregnancy had been extremely normal, like always, she would go to work 8:00-18:00, every two weeks she would fly to Paris to check on her restaurant. Her life was seemingly normal, calm and organised – but of course it was all a façade – she knew better than anyone just how terrified she was of her unplanned future ahead.

18:03

Erina sighed as supported herself up from her cushioned chair. She arched her back, relieving the pain on her lower back, the bump on her belly still barely protruding.

She has only an hour to both get dressed, be presentable and get herself to the event location.

If she was completely honest, she was feeling under the weather today and her hormonal body could not be bothered to attend yet another event where she must socialise with a bunch of irrelevant people. Ok, irrelevant maybe an exaggeration, since these people were all important people from Tokyo's various food industries, she on the other hand, just couldn't be bothered to maintain her haughty perfect self to the public.

Although she was feeling under the weather, her cousin on the other hand jumped at the opportunity to dress up. Erina had refused her attempts to braiding her hair with no avail. So, when the pair finally got out of the mansion, Erina had her long blonde hair in a half-up-half-down braid and a half million-dollar necklace dangling between her – now even swollen chest.

When Erina stepped out of her limousine in kitten heels (kitten heels refers to heels which are around 3cm in height)– yes, a very uncommon sight, given Erina was the type who would go hard or go home – a bunch of paparazzi's immediately directed their flash light towards her and her white haired cousin. To be fair, the pair of Nakiris were a sight to behold and the public's favourite, so these photos would no doubt end up on the cover of the food magazine tomorrow morning.

"Ms Nakiri what do you think of the new restaurant?" shouted one from the crowd.

"A wonderful edition for those wanting to taste true gourmet food of course," replied Erina smiling, her posture tall and composed as she continued towards the entrance.

When they were finally safe from the paparazzi Erina yawned softly before she whispered to Alice, "I'm losing 3 hours of sleep I could've had."

"Never would I have imagined you of all people complaining about an event celebrating true gourmet food," chuckled Alice in response, her red eyes gleaming with mischief when a red-head amongst the sea of invited guests caught her eye. "I'm going to talk to the director of this company I've been working with, I'll catch you before we leave."

"But you never talked about working with -" Erina wasn't surprised when her response came few seconds too late, the younger Nakiri had already disappeared from her side and made her way across the hall.

Erina sighed at her disappearance – now her fate was sealed – without Alice's occasional sarcasm and personality, tonight was bound to be a boring night mingling with directors from across Japan, forcing smiles on her face. On an even more solemn note, she couldn't even drink some wine to numb her sense to the loud chit-chat bouncing off the walls of the hall, or at least help her survive through all the boring conversations she was bound to have tonight.

"Yo Nakiri." His words cut through the air and falsified her pervious prediction almost instantly. Every part of her body was in denial as she stood still, unwilling to turn around.

"Hey what's up," he tried again, manoeuvring in front of her so they were facing directly, "are we playing that little game where you pretend to ignore me again?"

Erina scoffed at his comment, his smirk rubbing her the wrong way.

"Come on Erina," chuckled Soma, his golden eyes carefully examining the woman in front of him, the slight pout on her lips, and slightly relaxed composure indicated she wasn't reallymad, only mildly, "It's been 2 months since you last saw me and you don't even miss me, I got to say I'm hurt."

"Oh please," the blonde finally uttered, she tried to keep her tone level as she continued, "I'm surprised by the fact you are back so soon, I wouldn't put it upon you to disappear for another five, ten years."

"Surprised? But Hisako was the one who informed me to make sure I'm here before the Autumn's election."

Erina looked dumfounded at the red-head as if he were some foreign creature until she suddenly realised - that day in her office, Hisako did mention a third name.

I'm an idiot

She tortured herself mentally for being too caught up in her worries then, now, she has a bigger problem to deal with.

"Oh right, I remember now," mumbled Erina after a delayed pause, "so how long have you been back?"

"A month give or take." Some replied mindlessly, unaware of the anger set ablaze in those amethyst eyes which were quickly extinguished.

Erina knew she shouldn't be mad, it was a one-night stand, two if you may, she shouldn't have expected him to see her the moment he came back. It would've been nice; but they were just two parallel lines, she really shouldn't have expected more. After all, she was the one who made the decision to keep it a secret from him in the first place.

She didn't have the right to be mad.

"Here Nakiri." Outstretched from Soma's hands was a small rectangular box, neatly wrapped with a ribbon on top. He hoped his gift could ease the awkward tension that had built up since her silent response to his answer. "The dark chocolate you said you wanted, all the way from Ghana."

There he goes again. The way he grins at her as he placed the chocolate box in her hands was the exact reason why she could never learn to hate him.

Why was it whenever she found one reason to hate him, she always seemed to find 20 more to love him?

"Thanks Soma," she replied with a warm smile, "you didn't have to."

"I wanted to," he chuckled, "I would be your delivery guy any day."

"Hmmm," Erina pondered, "so you are off soon again? What type of parcel should I expect next time?"

"That's a secret," laughed Soma, his smug grin appearing on his face again, "it wouldn't be fun if I told you."

"Then tell me," Erina's tone suddenly serious, her eyes looked like a frightened animal as she darted them away, putting on a pretence that his answer wouldn't affect her, "when are you leaving again? I can get an estimated delivery date right?"

"Nothing is sure at this point. But I will be here at least after Autumn's Election." Soma glanced towards her, resisting the urge to grab her right then and there and soothe her suddenly changed demeanour. Yet he had no right to do so, and Erina would skin him alive if he dare tried in public with tens of hungry paparazzis waiting for a piece of juicy gossip. He wasn't sure what was wrong, all he knew was that he hated the darkened look of her usually bright eyes, the ones he knew all too well, the ones that were always ablaze.

"Oh..." Her voice trailed off as she stared at the boy, no man, in front of her. Her nervous hands slowly released their tight grip on her made-to-measure satin dress. Nothing set in stone. It's only a matter of time until he left again and she should just get damn well used to it. For god's sake, it's been three years and she is still that soppy high school girl, horrible at goodbyes.

"Ms Nakiri," said a voice from afar, his footsteps fast approaching, "I've been meaning to talk to you, may I?" The man before her was the director of one of the largest diary supplier, his polite grin gave her no choice but to say yes.

"I guess that's my call to leave," laughed Erina as she leant her body in for a hug but pulledback in the last minute. Her hands stuck awkwardly towards Soma, the pair engaging in a handshake that seemed more appropriate given their relationship, "it was good seeing you, and uh, thanks for the chocolate."

A girl with blue hair stood in the corner, the polite smile hung on her face.

She knew to get the much-needed attention she needed from these potential sponsors she had to play her cards well. That included using the effect, her 'helpless' image, seemed to have in middle aged man.

Yet when she caught the red-head who had returned from Ghana earlier this month, staring at the blonde-girl who always seemed to have his heart-strings wrapped around her finger, the smile she learnt to fix on face faded away.

The way his golden eyes fixated on her, infuriated her. She never understood why, he only had eyes for her, when she was the one who had been there by his side all along.

Why is it even after Totsuki, the blond-headed woman still trumps her in his eyes?

She never understoodwhy in high school, when she hinted interests in him - on multiple occasions - he would say something completely irrelevant, avoiding her hints, seemingly oblivious to any of her advances.

When she watched them get together at the Valentine's day event, the smile ontheir faces, crashed her. She believed if she had found his dish earlier than Erina, he would've been hers...

She used to enjoy their fights. She would never admit to this guilty pleasure of course. And when Erina came to her on occasions asking for advice - viewing her merely as his best friend – she would fake up a fake innocence so she could withdraw information from the blonde but stay on her good books. She hated their relationship but she was too scared of the Nakiri name.

So, when they finally did breakup, Megumi saw it as her chance. To her, their graduation, wasn't just an ending of an era, but the start of their story. At least that's what she thought. So, when she heard from Takumi, few days after the graduations, she was shocked and angry to find that he had already left. Not a word for her, not a single fucking word.

She forgave him though. She thought, perhaps he was just leaving in a hurry, she wouldn't put itabove Sōma to mess up his travel plans. So, she waited even as she took over her mother's restaurant. To her disappointment over the course of three years, she had only received a handful of meaningless postcards.

But it was different this time when he returned from Ghana. She was sitting at home when she received a phone call from a number that hasn't emerged for a good three years.

He had asked straightforwardly for a favour. She agreed before her brain even registered what he had said.

A month of land hunting, all done in secret. He said something about surprising the culinary world with a new restaurant, right here in Tokyo. She believed him, she didn't care as long as he would stay; right by her side.

During that time, she was thrilled to be with him every day, his presence alone made her content, even if she had to have tedious long talk with a dozen of landlords.

Her happiness was short-lived.

Perhaps, it was time for her to realise he didn't have room for her in that special place. His eyes only ever laid on Erina that way - maybe occasionally on food too. But never on her.

"Hey Megumi," said the red-head, his eyes darting towards the blonde currently chit-chatting with a director Megumi didn't recognise, "time to head back?" Soma glanced one last time at the blonde who didn't seem like she would be done anytime soon.

It was like he knew she would agree. But who could she blame but herself? Hasn't she always been treading behind him, trying to catch up as those two walked along side of each other?

"That was such a long night," groaned Alice as she helped Erina off the limo. She took off her heels and began walking barefoot as they stepped inside the mansion. "I hate heels, did I mention that?"

"Only about 100 times on the limo." Erina chuckled at cousin's childish pout before she made her way down the hall.

"Wait Erina," called the white-headed girl, "I scheduled an appointment with our family doctor to have a check up on you tonight."

"I told you I didn't need one." This time it was Erina who groaned, she hated the routine check-ups her cousin and Hisako always seemed to insist and her complaints were to no avail. "It takes up 30 minutes of my life every time."

"And that is 30-minutes well spent," replied the younger Nakiri as she placed her hands behind Erina and began pushing her towards the lounge, "hurry, hurry, we're already late."

"LET ME GET CHANGED FIRST."

When they entered their large lounge room, the one in the west wing, a young woman in her early thirties was already there, sitting on the couch waiting.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting," smiled Alice as she led her cousin inside, "we have a childish mother on the loose."

"I am not childish," retorted Erina poking Alice's face, "but thank you for coming so late Doctor Tsumi." Although Erina hated her appointments she still appreciated their family doctor, particularly because she was extremely loyal and has kept her pregnancy a secret since the beginning.

"Of course, Ms Nakiri," grinned the woman before she took out her stethoscope. "Please take a seat."

She walked towards Erina and lifted her loose t-shirt upwards. Erina's abdomen wasn't very noticeable, but since the discovery of her pregnancy, she had developed a very small pump. It wasn't noticeable when covered in clothes, but now that the veil of clothing had been lifted it, the swell was more than obvious – at least to Erina and her closer friends.

"Everything seems well." Doctor Tsumi placed her t-shirt back down before she continued, "Though I have to remind you again, you really need to keep your stress levels in check, high amounts of cortisol can have negative impact on the foetus."

"I know Doctor." Erina nodded in compliance.

"You know but you don't act on it," interjected Alice looking disapprovingly at her blonde cousin, "You have more work than ever and you never get much rest."

Doctor Tsumi nodded to Alice's comment, "The development seems well now, but we must take precautionary means."

"How about you move Autumn's election forward?" asked Alice with a pushing tone.

"The elite ten won't agree," Erina lied. She didn't want to move the date forward as she was scared if she did…it would only push Soma's departure even earlier.

"I can sort it out with me," replied Alice firmly, she gaze stopping at Erina's dark eye circles before continuing, "It's decided then, no more buts."

"You are so pushy," groaned Erina, unable to find another reason to revoke Alice's plan, "I guess it might be better to do it early so I won't be too bloated when I'm on the big screen."

Feel free to review at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12032457/15/Looking-Through-Our-Hourglass and I promise I’m not teasing next part of Blessing in Disguise will have something spicy :P Hopefully it was an enjoyable read <3

[ridleytheknight]

Mafia’s Son Part 8

           Breathing, as easy as it sounds, isn’t always easy.

           His lungs are constricted and heavy as he leans on the balls of his feet. His limbs move simply, in practiced movements as he circled the tan brunette. His dark hair laid across his shoulders in sweaty strands.

           He looked so healthy and vibrant. Lance’s legs moved with a graceful fluidity as they circled each other. Lance’s chest rose and fell strongly, barely panting as he recovered from their last round of sparring. Yet, it didn’t quell the desperation. The images of Lance bloody and broken, that gorgeous body with stuttering and shallow breaths. Spasming as his systems began to fail. The way his blue eyes fell into the back of his head.

           Keith choked, but gritted his teeth, choosing to lunge at Lance quickly, his body doing to the motions as his mind and heart raced in completely opposite directions. He didn’t want to fight Lance, even sparring. Not when the image of Lance nearly lifeless still danced behind his eyelids. But Keith was shit at communication. How do you say that you don’t want to let someone out of your sight?

           ‘Hey, you kinda scared me and I kinda like you, so I just want to basically hold on to you and not let go, for days, because you terrified me and I really wanna know you’re not dead and having your mouth on mine would be really nice. Or you kissing my boyfriend would be cool too, preferably where I can watch.’

           Yeah, no.

           Lance parried and countered with a few quick steps. But it wasn’t quick enough. A Galra would have him in an instant, a Galra could take him again in just an instant. And Keith would be too slow again. They couldn’t both be too slow. Lance always had those high sniper positions, nearly a mile away from them if they got the chance to do actual recon. Surprise attacks were worse though. Even if Lance was closer. Because Lance was always at the back of the group, chatting with the locals. Fluttering like a social butterfly and lighting up the room.

           Also, the easiest to corner and target.

           Lure away to a place where Keith would never see him again.

           Keith shot a fist out, and Lance let out a grunt when it hit his lower stomach. But besides that he went with the hit and used it for momentum to lash a kick out. The dark haired male grabbed it easily. But it had been quicker than when they had started. Lance was tiring, and running more on instinct. Keith could see it. But instinct wouldn’t always save him. Improving like Lance was great.

           But improving didn’t settle the screaming in his head that Lance would leave him.

           Just like everyone else.

           Another second and next thing Keith knew Lance was pinned beneath him. Panting with a dark flush on his cheeks, Keith’s hand on his chest right next to his neck. Blue eyes looking up at him tiredly, before Lance head falls back to the ground. He was so pretty.

           “Alright, I got it. I suck.” Lance pushed at his chest, breaking Keith out of his thoughts as he moved off Lance and to the side. A bubble was in his chest, threatening to burst as Lance got up onto his feet, eyes narrowed and body swaying with fatigue. He’d taken it too far again. He could see it in the drag of Lance’s body. But, Lance needed to get better. Keith needed to be better. “I’m going to shower, I’m tired, a walking bruise and I smell absolutely disgusting.” And Lance was gone in a blink, leaving Keith still on the ground lost in thoughts.

           Why did he always fuck up the things he loved most?

           Keith let his head fall into his hands, sweat was sticky on his skin and clothes, but he barely paid any attention to it as he stumbled to his feet. His own body was thrumming with lost adrenaline and exhaustion. Nearly shaking. Keith let out a shuddering breath. He didn’t want to lose another one.

           He didn’t want to lose anything else.

           Especially not because of his own actions.

           His feet moved before his head did, already processing any socially acceptable way to apologize to the blue paladin. Anything he came up with sounded so fake, so rehearsed. Keith cursed himself as he continued speed walking to the nearest shower room. Why couldn’t Shiro be here? Shiro was the one that was good with words, not him.

           What if he didn’t think about it? Lance was always telling him to be looser and more relaxed. This could be a good way to start, if he sounded like a bumbling idiot? Lance would at least get a laugh out of it he guessed.

           The sound of his footsteps got louder as he hit the tiled flooring of the shower room. The clicking of his soles was almost painfully loud as Keith barged into the shower room, the start of apologies just on the tip of his tongue before his mouth went bone dry and his eyes nearly fell out of his head.

           Dear heaven, there is a god.

           And wash board abs.

           Lance’s back was too him and a pair of boxers were hanging low on his hips, just on the curve of sharp hip bones as his body angled so Keith could perfectly see the way his muscles stretched and climbed around his abs and hips to the strong and broad shoulders on Lance’s body. Scars and little wounds dotted Lance’s tan skin nearly everywhere, marring the gorgeous canvas of Lance’s flesh in a scarily sexy way.

           And dear god he had a tattoo.

           Right on the place where Lance’s rib cage peeked out from under his chest was where the black ink curved beautifully on Lance’s figure. Keith could feel the thrumming of his heart, the carving to count out every groove and muscle on Lance’s body, to worship each toned part and scar with his lips and his tongue. To drop on his knees and god damn pray. ‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,’ with tallies lining up Lance’s rib cage like little markers. Keith was stepping closer before he could even realize it, making Lance look over his shoulder at him. Surprise painting those blue eyes before a cocky grin lit up his face.

           “What? Speechless? Some people aren’t meant to have clear skin I guess…” Lance tilted his head, grin still on those perfect lips. God, it had to be illegal, this gorgeous boy had to have witch craft or something of that. There was no way this heaven sent boy was even remotely human. Lance ran a hand down his body, and Keith watched it like his life depended on it. “Sorry for the view though, not everyone gets blessed with flawless human skin, as pretty skin as mine is anyway. You got flawless and the alien thing working for you though. That’s cool as hell.”

           The dark haired boy felt it in the air, the waver of anxiety, the subtle nervous tilt in Lance’s body. Keith felt a glimmer of anger. All of that self-deprecation? He was nipping it in the bud, it didn’t have a place here. Or anywhere in Lance’s head. Hell. No.

           “You’re nuts if you’re not calling your body perfect. It’s fucking flawless.” Lance’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, but Keith kept going, moving forward and grabbing Lance’s hips. Holding him still, not letting him run away before he was done knocking some sense into that gorgeous boy’s thick skull. “Have you seen your abs? I would die for abs like that, your scars are sexy as all hell to. Like stories and memories on your skin. I would kill to know even just one of them.” Lance looked away from him, a start of red flushing at his ears and the base of his neck.

           “You could ask you know.” Keith’s breath caught in his throat as Lance’s hands moved to his own hands, guiding them up to feel the ridges of thickened scar tissue. Keith’s fingers curled to a nasty knife wound, dug deep into Lance’s side, the skin was white and faded with age, a stark contrast to the puckered pink scars from Lance’s recent injuries.

           “What’s this one.” Lance chuckled, his hands on Keith’s forearms for balance as their bodies nearly brushed against each other with each breath.

           “I didn’t tie him down well enough. In my defense, he was squirming way too much for someone with three bullets in his stomach. My sister took care of him for that one though. She was so pissed.” Keith let out a small chuckle.

           “I would be pissed to, but why were you?”

           “Tying up a dying man? It was for my dad, early birthday present. He ran a rival gang that honestly just a plain mess. We were getting sick of them honestly. Had to show them which family was really in charge.”

           “You act like fighting gangsters is a normal thing.”

           “… How would you react if I said my family was a mafia?” Keith looked up from his exploration of Lance’s body, the expression was relaxed and almost joking, but Keith could see it, the tightening in his muscles, coiled, the shreds of anxiety in those ocean blue eyes. The fear of rejection. When Keith honestly didn’t care either way.

           “I would say that makes at least a little sense. And that you better own at least one pair of brass knuckles or you have failed as a stereotypical mobster.” Lance laugh, low and melodically, warm laugh for even warmer skin underneath Lance’s hands.

           “I’m sorry, but I am the son of a mafia family, not a hallmark gangster movie, I’m sorry if I’m disappointing you like that.”  

           “You’re totally letting me down. But you can make up for that.”

           “How may I atone this grievous fault?” Lance’s teasing smirk was wiped off his face in almost seconds as Keith grabbed a towel and looped it around Lance’s waist and moved backward. Tugging Lance along with him out of the shower rooms. Luckily, Lance stayed silent as Keith almost giddily dragged him along.

           Did Shiro know about…? This? Shiro had never mentioned it during Keith aggravated, pining fueled venting. They’d never even mentioned anything like it when they fantasized about their crush. Maybe Shiro was staying quiet for Lance to tell Keith on his own? Or maybe Keith is the only one Lance has told yet. Keith shook the thoughts from his head. It didn’t matter right now.

           Right now, Keith was a man on a mission.

           That mission was to force comfort and love on a stupid, insecure boy.

           Lance cried out when Keith shoved Lance into his room and onto the bed, closing the door firmly and not giving Lance any time before Keith was laying on top of Lance, not unlike their previous sparring session, but also, not quite. Surprisingly, Keith found that a firm and warm chest made a great pillow. Even when they were squirming and stuttering.

           “Keith, Keith, you have a boyfriend, this is… just… Keith I have my own bed.” Keith clapped a hand over Lance’s mouth.

           “Pillows don’t talk.”

           “But-“

           “Shush.” Keith’s limbs tightened around Lance firmly and Keith bit his lip. He didn’t want Lance to leave. But he also didn’t want to keep him here if Lance didn’t want him. Keith’s arms moved to let go until Lance released a soft sigh and wrapping his arms around Keith too. Not minding the sweaty training outfit as he squirmed to a more comfortable position, and Keith finally breathed easy. Lance breathing just breath him. Whole. Together.

           Keith closed his eyes with a sigh.

           This, was exactly what he’d needed.

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛   buzzfeed unsolved sentence starters  ( pt. five )   ❜

          (   part of the youtube starter series   )

‘  spoiler alert: it’s probably aliens.  ’ ‘  bad idea.  ’ ‘  i’m considering him a suspect.  ’ ‘  i’m considering him a suspect. her son’s feeding her sedatives. yeah, he was like, ‘go on mother, eat these pills.’  ’ ‘  you just made this go so much more dark than it needed to be.  ’ ‘  well, i just don’t trust this boy.  ’ ‘  yeah, have some pills, smoke this cigarette. goodnight.  ’ ‘  this is a very irresponsible landlady. if your tenant’s apartments smell like smoke, maybe check in on ‘em.  ’ ‘  if your tenant’s apartments smell like smoke, maybe check in on ‘em.  ’ ‘  this is gonna get a little morbid, but who’s to say that a burning body doesn’t small like barbecue?  ’ ‘  no, of course it doesn’t make sense, it’s weird!  ’ ‘  has any skull shrunk at any other point in history?  ’ ‘  now you’re acting like a detective and not like a jackass.  ’ ‘  you don’t think it’s weird that all of her was gone except for a skull, parts of the spine, and a fucking foot that was still completely intact like nothing happened?  ’ ‘  i bet if george clooney was on the tonight show and you set him on fire, one of his feet would burn, and the other one would probably still be planted there on the floor in a very nice shoe. clooney’s flammable.  ’ ‘  clooney is probably flammable, you’re probably right.  ’ ‘  so, a fire that was too hot for firemen did not damage her apartment?  ’ ‘  too much fire here. what do i look like, a fireman?  ’ ‘  soot and a foot. that’s all they got, huh? soot, foot, and a cup skull.  ’ ‘  that’s a bizarro version of a dr. seuss book right there.  ’ ‘  the foot did not catch on fire... one of ‘em anyway. that other one? phew. donezo.  ’ ‘  the first theory... is ridiculous. i’m just gonna say that right now, it’s ridiculous.  ’ ‘  i don’t trust anyone who says, ‘it seen it happen.’ that sounds like a country bumpkin if i’ve ever heard one.  ’ ‘  it seen it! i seen it with my own two eyes!  ’ ‘  i seen it happen while i was playing my banjo!  ’ ‘  yeah-- well, okay... keep going.  ’ ‘  can you imagine just being out, having a good night with your pals, drinkin’? and you know, toward the end of the night when you’re like, ‘yeah, what a fun night this has been,’ can you imagine just exploding? just catching on fire. all your pals would be like, ‘huh?’ not a good night. for him or his friends.  ’ ‘  is it very european to burst into flames?  ’ ‘  put that pen down. you look like a jackass.  ’ ‘  a lot of people explodin’ in europe. something you might wanna look into. this runs deep.  ’ ‘  when i think spontaneous combustion, i think, like, ‘bam!’ like a popped balloon, just shards of person just exploding.  ’ ‘  that asshole in fantastic four? what do you have against him?  ’ ‘  if my clothes are on fire i’ll do a little dance to try and get ‘em out, stop, drop, and roll, what have ya.  ’ ‘  maybe she just passed out or died or something.  ’ ‘  i’ve never had a doctor speak to me like that. i would love it if i showed up and a doctor just started unraveling strange little tales.  ’ ‘  the answer could lie with extraterrestrial origin.  ’ ‘  what if aliens just get drunk and fly around the universe and shrink people’s skulls and turn them into little piles of ash?  ’ ‘  i can see how aliens would be involved in kind of like shenanigans and be hooligans.  ’ ‘  i don’t even smoke, but i would love to have one last cig before i go.  ’ ‘  this is a weird case! this is just sinking in! what are we doing here?!  ’ ‘  what if we’re just lab rats to these aliens?  ’ ‘  they’re gonna shrink her into a little tiny titty.  ’ ‘  no... no. what’s the matter with you?  ’ ‘  if you used voodoo for evil, you would kill me!? you would murder me?!  ’ ‘  it’s a hypothetical, i wasn’t thinking of doing that.  ’ ‘  sometimes we argue, but i don’t want to murder you.  ’ ‘  i never said i wanted to murder you!  ’ ‘  you wanna kill me!  ’ ‘  this is a hypothetical situation!  ’ ‘  alright, yeah, no. continue to tell me about it now that i know you want me dead.  ’ ‘  i think you might intellectualize too much.  ’ ‘  so this is kind of a night out... with spirits.  ’ ‘  wha-- you look so scared already.  ’ ‘  i do find that more compelling than any of the other dumb ‘evidence’ you’ve dug up.  ’ ‘  any time i can get you to do that shrug, it means i make a great point. it’s a great point. it makes me heart warm.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna buy you one of those haunted dolls for christmas.  ’ ‘  put away your fear and just focus on what you feel.  ’ ‘  i’m bad at feeling. i really wanna believe in something outside the norms of, you know, physics.  ’ ‘  i took an improv comedy class once because... well, i’m a white guy.  ’ ‘  so, the takeaway here is... every little sound is a ghost?  ’ ‘  the takeaway here is that sounds that don’t belong in that environment may or may not be ghosts.  ’ ‘  my jacket just moved in a way that it felt like somebody touched me on the shoulder and i think if you had felt it, you would scream.  ’ ‘  wait, what? that was never part of the bargain.  ’ ‘  a lot of times i just do these because i know you’ll hate it.  ’ ‘  i feel like i’m gonna fucking cry.  ’ ‘  i don’t wanna talk about it. i wanna leave.  ’ ‘  i think you need to learn how to shut the hell up.  ’ ‘  i think you need to learn how to shut the fuck up... i stepped it up with the bigger curse word there.  ’ ‘  i’m not even trying to be a jerk about this, i’m just getting tired of you asking me if i get scared about things i don’t believe in.  ’ ‘  it’s like asking me if i’m concerned that, when i fall asleep, the moon turns around and winks at me with a big, evil face and has a boner or something.   ’ ‘  tell me what’s more probable: the moon having a boner or a ghost being real.  ’ ‘  the dark side of the moon just has a giant, dusty boner. that’s about as real as ghosts.  ’ ‘  now we’re heading into the belly of the beast.  ’ ‘  i’m excited. this is maybe he only time i believe in what you’re talking about.   ’ ‘  bigfoot’s meat and bone.  ’ ‘  no, that’s dumb. it’s not supernatural, it’s natural.  ’ ‘  this is the heaviest sandwich i’ve ever embraced.  ’ ‘  my organ’s are starting to shut down. i’ll be dead in five minutes. i think i might need to go to the hospital.  ’ ‘  could you imagine being the guy who coined the phrase ‘bigfoot’?  ’ ‘  ain’t that like a couple of funny brothers... destroying their father’s legacy.  ’ ‘  don’t make bigfoot believe in your little ghostly energies bigfoot is meat and bone.  ’ ‘  i don’t think that’s how bigfoot rolls.  ’ ‘  the vest is gonna make me look more festive... and i won’t get shot, so there’s that. that’s an added bonus. having fun getting shot. i’m not gonna help you.  ’ ‘  having fun getting shot. i’m not gonna help you.  ’ ‘  you honestly think we’re going to encounter a sasquatch, the sasquatch is going to attack you and your life is going to be saved because you’re wearing a helmet? it’s gonna bring a rock down upon your head, we’re gonna get it on film, and we’re gonna say, ‘thank god you had your helmet on your head.’  ’ ‘  i think we’re ready to rock and roll, man.  ’ ‘  you look like an idiot.  ’ ‘  if i see people taller than me i get concerned about them because i think they’re gonna die young.  ’ ‘  i wasn’t fat-shaming bigfoot. i was just mentioning that this is a creature of enormous strength.  ’ ‘  his name is cedric. he struck me as a cedric when i first saw him after i destroyed his apartment.  ’ ‘  well, if it’s any consolation, you look like an idiot.  ’ ‘  i think it’s time for a little beer break.  ’ ‘  if a bigfoot actually walked out right now, this would be the greatest thing ever captured on camera, if we lured out a bigfoot with a beer.  ’ ‘  they said that... i agree, but they meant it more, so hit them!  ’ ‘  nah. this guys inhaling too many... cat... shit... fumes.  ’ ‘  yeah, this is all jolly right now, but can you imagine what this is gonna be like at night?  ’ ‘  it is a very old piece of footage, but so is... die hard. still good.  ’ ‘  i’m saying just ‘cause something’s good doesn’t mean it’s bad, or--  ’ ‘  that’s a completely different train of thought. what the fuck is going on here?  ’ ‘  (wheezing and laughing) it’s been a long day.  ’ ‘  now you look like a man i would never talk to under any circumstance.  ’ ‘  don’t judge a book by it’s cover? it’s a hell of a cover. this place is beautiful!  ’ ‘  i don’t wanna kill the vibe, but we could just turn the lights on, it’s a hotel.  ’ ‘  holy shit! it’s a jacuzzi tub!  ’ ‘  this is the best place we’ve ever ghostbusted.  ’ ‘  like a ghost sitcom? sign me up!  ’ ‘  well, he can go to hell.  ’ ‘  oof. i don’t even wanna talk about that evening.  ’ ‘  i stole this off the woman who died in the titanic!  ’ ‘  ...shadows do tend to follow you, though. that’s sort of how they work.  ’ ‘  you gotta fuckin’ calm down, man!  ’ ‘  ghost 101. week one, knock books off shelf. week two, uhh, hold a candlestick in the middle of a hallway. week three... sheets.  ’ ‘  this is one of the best days of my life.  ’ ‘  i freaked out because i thought something flew in front of me, but come to think of it, it could’ve been the reflection of my light turning off.  ’ ‘  you know, a ghost has probably whispered point blank in your ear, but you’ve probably never heard it because you were too busy going, ‘ugh ugh okay, oh, what did i do? oh, what did i do? i always get myself into these things ooo.’  ’ ‘  are we doing more of this or can i use the jacuzzi hot tub that we’ve been blessed with?  ’ ‘  are we gonna spend the night here and not use the jacuzzi?  ’ ‘  the jacuzzi jets don’t work... we’re just two guys sitting in a tub.  ’ ‘  yeah... it’s daft punk. the dj’s daft punk came into our suite at night and gave me a little diddy, that’s what happened.  ’ ‘  it’s not haunted. i know it’s not haunted. it’s not haunted.  ’ ‘  you’re like a stupid string puppet that i can just bring along with me and i can pull it when i wanna hear something dumb.  ’ ‘  no-- they’re. no. no. nope.   ’ ‘  the ball also stopped at the ‘i love pot’ graffiti, so maybe this ghost just loves to blaze it.  ’ ‘  wha-- what are ya doin’?  ’ ‘  look it up. it’s a thing on the internet.  ’ ‘  who are you pointing to?  ’ ‘  i bet i could squeeze an apple till it exploded.  ’ ‘  you hear that in the distance? it’s the excuse train coming.  ’ ‘  great. that’ll be good. i’m gonna snap that.  ’

[nigelgodrichproducer]

Ultraista-era Nigel interview

Magoo: I am curious about how the project came together before you met Laura, when it was just you and Joey. Were you just hanging out between schedules when you were in the same town?

Nigel: Exactly. He and I and another friend named Guss. So many times we just got together and we would be recording or jamming. Most of it we did in London but we are working all over the place. Guss and Joey both have little studios and I have a big studio. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, we just made a concerted effort to get a bunch of backing tracks together. We spoke about a certain aesthetic about electronics and a repetitive rhythm which is played. Obviously electronic music that is repeated is exactly the same. You get a human being in and they can repeat but it will sound different every time. Afrobeat was the reference point. So that’s how it started and then we had an intense 3 day session, like a right ol’ recording party and ended up with bits of music that we would then … essentially what I did was took all the music off and kept the rhythm and started again. That’s the basis of the record.

M: How much of this stuff did you have together before you thought you had to find yourself a singer?

N: Quite a lot actually because we’d done tiny snippets which might have been a minute long or three minutes or whatever. It would be a feeling, a little movement and we would leave it at that and move on to the next one. After a while we would go back and look at things and see how they could build and be structured.

M: Were you at any stage trying to do it without vocals?

N: Originally yeah, it could have been just instrumental. It was a bit of an experiment really just to see how substantial something could be like that.

M: Just to see how it evolves?

N: Yes, because it is always a terrifying prospect to say OK we are going to make some music and find a singer… you’d find a singer first and get them involved. I think it’s very hard to find a singer. With the peculiar relationships that we have… mine and Joeys is such a specific one, once in a lifetime, unique buddy becomes muse becomes .. you know!

M: You have worked with each other for years …

N: Yes, To get someone else in with that chemistry is terrifying. It’s something that is not taken lightly anyway. We only did it because we felt that we would be real pussies if we didn’t try. You know, let’s push this and I think we were very fortunate to meet Laura. She’s incredibly down to earth and rational. One of the most important things about relationships is about being able to communicate with that person.

M: I read about how you put up posters at an art college. You were trying to  find someone who was not even necessarily a musician to sing. Did you actually audition anyone form that process?

N: We actually got replies with music that they had made. We were trying to find someone who was an interesting character, who could sing but maybe hadn’t thought about taking it seriously.

M: An amateur?

N: Exactly. The last thing we wanted to do was have a singer songwriter with their chops together who had their version of what they wanted to do already sorted out. What we did end up finding in Laura, was someone who did have their own thing going, but it was very compatible and didn’t work against what we trying to do.

M: How much did the songs change when she came into the picture?

N: What would happen, is that I would write with her. There are a couple of tunes I wrote myself.

M: With lyrics and melodies?

N: Yeah, lyrics, melodies and me singing and she’d re-do it. We’d improve them and finish them off with her singing then there are things that she wrote over the top of what I’d done and we’d finesse that. Then there’s like a ping-pong thing where you are just throwing stuff at each other and putting it together as you go. There are all sorts of ways of doing it and lyrically it is the same thing. We’d play word puzzles.

M: So did you have that aesthetic before Laura joined, that historic Ultarist poetry movement  (The Ultraist movement was a Bohemian-style literary movement born in Spain in 1918)

N: That was already happening before that word came along. People have said you must have been sitting there with an Ultraista manifesto following the instructions. Well no, it was just a coincidence but it works very well. That word suggested what I was feeling, what I could see along with that music.

M: Do you ever have free time Nigel?

N: Oh I do. I have an awful lot of time to stare at the wall and think about what I am doing. I have a very unstructured life. It’s a blessing and a curse because it can actually drive me crazy but it allows me to drop anything and do something on a whim. I have this amazing studio. I can just run in if I have an idea. A lot of this record was collaborative in that we were all in the same room but quite a bit happened in isolation. I wrote a bit of stuff at home. Laura wrote stuff on her own.

M: Was there a lot of sending files over email?

N: Yes a lot of that. Exactly.

M: When you got to the stage of setting up your own studio, was this something that was ticking away at the back of your head?

N: No, this is not like a career move. I think what happened was that there was gap in the schedule. This stuff had been kicking  around a little bit. It was like let’s get this finished. Am I a man or a mouse?

M: You don’t seem like the kind of guy that is going to have a holiday sitting on a beach drinking cocktails?

N: I really wish I did. I think I really give myself a hard time with time! I have read about so many incredible people, incredibly productive people who describe themselves as lazy… and I think that I am lazy. One of my best friends, Nicholas Godin from Air, who is full of wisdom … says lazy people are the smartest because they always try to get the most using the least effort. I think I am one of those. I’m not like idiots who just work for nothing. There has to be a good economy of your effort. It is very important to being creative. You can’t waste your energy on something that is not really going to contribute to the end result. That goes for anything. If you are a recording engineer and producer, then you know what I am talking about. If something sounds, finished or good, you don’t need to take it apart and put it back together again.

M: I am curious about what kind of hours you work. Will you bash your head against a wall trying to get something done, keep at it. Or are you more … let’s take a break, come back tomorrow and this idea will come to fruition.

N: I think I would answer that question by saying I would probably stop.  Generally what would happen is that I would say stop, this isn’t working and at that moment, something will happen.

M: I always find that I have my best ideas on the toilet. You have that break and have that golden moment, pardon the pun

N: It’s like when people started using Pro Tools, they’d say I miss pushing rewind. When you used to rewind you had this moment to think about things. You don’t get that space any more. I think that I work better at night when everybody else is asleep. The world is quiet, there are no distractions. I am terrible in the mornings as a human being. I am just not a good morning guy. Nothing really good happens until after dinner. That’s fine when it is just me. When I  am working with other people, it’s hard because people don’t all keep the same schedule. Generally the work that I do which is good and happens very quickly is between the hours of 11 and 4 in the morning.

M: I hear quite a bit of Brian Eno in his David Byrne type phase in your work. Is he a bit of an influence?

N: I guess so. I am a big fan of that era Talking Heads

M: The Remain in Light period?

N: Yeah, that was huge to me. It was an incredible piece of work but I’m not a fan of Heroes. There are things I am a fan of and things I am not. Obviously there is an idea behind Music For Airports, the ambient moments which I totally understand and love. I have an enormous amount of respect for the guy but I don’t try to emulate anything he has done and never would. Whereas I would try and emulate Trevor Horn. This is a good example of how things happen actualIy. I try to do Trevor Horn and it sounds like Brian Eno. I understand why you say that. He thinks outside the box. He is not hemmed in by a set of rules he thinks he has to follow. At times he has done things in his career that changed the way that everybody does things.

M: Have you met Brian Eno?

N: I have met him a few times. He is very gracious, a very nice man. The thing that I like about Trevor Horn is … even if it is too pop for me, like Frankie Goes To Hollywood or something, even within this mainstream pop thing, he is incredibly obtuse and bold. Such big, bold things happen that go against the grain and you can feel that intention. That’s the thing I really do try to emulate as an idea, rather than a sonic palate. With Brian Eno … I like the sound of space, the ambience and echo and reverb. I like to see big spaces when I listen to things because I see things when I hear things.

M: Getting back to the Ultraista album … without getting too technical … is that just the way Joey plays, or is there a bit of manipulation going on or a bit of both? To me it sounds like there are a few layers of drums in the way that dance music has multiple loops or some sort of loop and a bit of programming underneath. It feels like you’ve gone for that aesthetic but done it live …

N: That’s exactly right. Basically there are electronics going on that he is playing to which is woven into his sound. Sometimes the drums are being processed through a piece of electronics that is making a rhythm that he is playing to. It’s like they’re rubbing against each other.

M: I just wanted to ask how you go  being on the other side of the glass so to speak, promoting an album?

N: It’s fine. It feels a little bit like uncomfortable but I think that is good. It’s a nice change and it is important to make yourself vulnerable. It’s important not to be afraid of things… and it’s important to just do … stuff! I mean the nature of the business is changing. I think producers are more artists now anyway. I’m not going to just find a band and make a record with them anymore. It’s just not that much fun. I would rather work with people that are my friends, have my input, be upfront and be able to write music. It is stuff I have always done. I don’t know what I will do next. I enjoy the playing, that’s fun.