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2ndstar-ontheright · 3 months

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toxic codpendent boys babyyyy

i love you and it's ruining my life (boyfs)

Summary: After coming home from college for the first time in years, Jeremy's flooded with a ton of mixed emotions. He's tried so hard to put his past behind him, but it all shatters in the blink of an eye.

A/N: UGH codependent relationships are so interesting to explore and write about, dude I'm going insane. (I don't JUST write doomed/toxic yuri, I also do yaoi. I don't discriminate) The negatives of Jeremy and Michael (other than "ugh jeremy's evil and stinky >:(" and "Michael's pining but jeremy's too horrible to see :(") really should be written about more often, IMO. I love these stupid teenagers

Anyway, thank you so much for reading!! Seriously, you're all the best.

Walking home from class, Jeremy’s door is softly pushed shut as he enters the room. His old room. Not much had changed since he left back in August, home again (at the request of his therapist) after spending his other holidays working. It wasn’t his idea, at the expense of his poor father, as he knew his unexplained absence left the man worried. He worried enough about him already, he shouldn’t have to add to that by being back here. All of the mess he was front and center. He’d changed since college, he really did. However, for better or for worse, they didn’t know him there so it was easy for him. Easy to be someone else. Not like he had in high school, yet still someone else nonetheless.

But it was summer now, and that had to count for something.

He toes off his shoes, shoulders falling as he breathes in the familiar smell of linen and lavender. Suddenly, his ears perk up at the sound of a car driving by. Creeping up to the window, he looks out and

“He’s still driving that thing?” Jeremy’s eyes widened in shock. It’s been almost 5 years with that thing. You couldn’t even consider it a car anymore. Jesus, with how many times it’s broken down, how is he even alive ? He shakes his head and puts it out of his mind, but for a moment he's interrupted. Almost instantly he recognized that car, but why? It’d been over 2 years since graduation and he never talked about home. So, it couldn’t have been that easy. Then, it dawned on him.

That was Michael.

____________________________________

Later that night, he’s standing in front of his bathroom mirror, trying desperately to put images out of his mind. As he takes off his shirt, his scars and not as much as it used to be but still ungodly pale skin are on full view, like a child’s connect-the-dots page taken a wrong turn.

The room’s flooding with steam and as he dissociates, he looks up to see sixteen year old him staring back. He’s that teenage boy again. His grim expression as he looks almost ready to drive his fist through the glass, binder in full view. It almost gives him a heart attack at the reminder that this is the same person he was just 3 years ago. He never did end up doing that, but the thought of it just made him shudder at how awful that teenage boy he had been. That stupid, whiny, annoying teenage boy who he could never run away from.

He ended up not going to Michael’s that night, he was too afraid. (And he also wasn’t home given that he was touring schools that weekend.) He didn’t want to leave the comfort of his bathroom and be perceived by everyone. A loser like him didn’t have the guts, and that’s all he was, right? However, he could fantasize. And so he did. He fell asleep on the cold tile wishing it was his best friend’s bed, the sounds of Link collecting his sword and silent “Shit!”’s of frustration followed by an attempt to be quieter in the background.

Jeremy blinked quickly, swallowing his breath and stepping into the shower to escape the fading reflection.

That didn’t help as much as he had hoped though. His mind, as it often did, only resurfaced more as he stood under the water. This was better, he deduced. Now, he didn’t have to see it. To be reminded. He could just think.

____________________________________

“Michael..?”

Puffing out a cloud of smoke, Michael shifts his eyes from the ceiling to the beanbag next to him. The only light being from the lava lamp in the corner, he squints briefly before he’s able to make out the boy in question. Even in the darkness, he looked…god.

He looked beautiful. As much as he still had so much turmoil inside him, how he knew they were drifting apart more than he liked but was too afraid to bring it up, he couldn’t deny the aura permeating off of his friend. Unable to look away as he drew him further like a moth to a flame.

“

Yeah?” He replied, voice raw before coughing a little.

“I…” Jeremy twitched. He felt like his teeth were about to run out of his mouth, like the back of his head was hinged open, brain fully exposed to the world. His thoughts, his feelings, his pain, all oozing out of each nook and cranny. He couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the weed, maybe it was being back somewhere so familiar. Regardless, he knew the real reason why he felt like he was losing it. Why he felt like he wanted to throw up and cry at the same time.

“I fucked up.” He finished, head hung low.

Michael shifted tiredly in his seat, hand covering his mouth to stifle a yawn. Leaning his head back, his eyes met the side of Jeremy, who instinctively turned to face him. “Whaddyoumean?” He asked, words slurring together slightly.

Jeremy laughs nervously as his lip quivers. Shaking his head, his brow furrows. “I- you know what I mean!” He exclaims and then almost a second later, his hand covers his mouth. Ugh, why’d he have to say that so loud? Thank goodness Michael’s moms weren’t home, but still. Jesus Jeremy, can’t you control yourself for one second? Tears pool behind his eyes, at first cooling to the bloodshot feeling, however stinging just a second after. His palms plunge hard to rub at them and make him look somewhat less pitiful than he already does. Which isn’t much as the croaking in his voice gives it away even more.

“I fucked up real bad Michael. I know I did.”

Sobering up as best as he can, Michael snaps up and inches closer, a hand gently tugging at Jeremy’s wrist. “Hey, c’mon man, talk to me. What do you mean you ‘fucked up’?”

His tone calming as always, Jeremy takes a quick breath; cringing internally at his shuddering. He sounded like a kid in trouble about to get sent to his room, but in his own sick way, wasn’t he just that?

“Just..” He sighed. “Everything. All of it. I keep screwing up and with the whole SQUIP thing…I- haven’t truly apologized to you for that. I didn’t even say I’m sorry and I should have!” Jeremy rambled, wringing his hands together before resting them on his knees, sweaty palms tugging at the fabric that was starting to feel like sandpaper.

He blinked, tears falling shamelessly. Michael was always so sweet to him, and why? He of all people didn’t deserve it. After all that he’s done, the kind, loving, handsome, funny, and so many other flowery words he could use to describe his favorite person didn't treat him the way he ought to be treated. Like a monster. He still treated him like his best friend, and that made the anguish inside tear him apart even more than it had.

“And I hurt you Michael. I never meant to, but I did and I’m…Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Michael’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that. Had it really been that long since he’d apologized? Since they’d talked about it? He wanted this, right? He’d been waiting for this for so long, and yet, now he doesn’t know what to think. It’s not that he didn’t think Jeremy meant it, it was just all so sudden and he’d already apologized profusely for everything else already.

But never for how much he had hurt him.

He knew he did, and Michael knew he was ashamed of himself, but he never said those words out loud.

How long had he been waiting to hear that?

How much had they thought, things other than and still similar in their own right, but never said to each other?

Michael sighed, head tilting to look even closer into Jeremy’s eyes. His hand rested on his shoulder and slowly, he nodded, glasses drooping down to his nose. “I know you are.”

“And I forgive you, Jer. I really do,”

He offered a somber smile which in turn earned him almost falling to the floor as the other rushed into him. Or rather, fell, seeing as he was stoned out of his mind.

And even in that foggy haze, Jeremy meant every word he said. Bubbling over like a shaken can of coke he wanted to say so many other things than sorry. He wanted to sing it until everyone in New Jersey heard how much he regretted it. How it was eating at him from the inside. He loved his best friend. He loved him so much. He was the light of his life, the one person he knew really cared about him. And that no matter where they went in life, he would always feel the same towards him. Was it romantic, he couldn’t tell. He just knew that he loved him more than words could describe.

Was it a little unhealthy? Yeah, it was. But at least he knew it and didn’t let it show. How worse could it have been if he did?

Voice muffled by the fabric of Michael’s shirt, he pulled away for a moment. Not caring out how desperate he sounded, he sniffled, cleaning his face off as best as he could with his sleeve.

Jeremy swallowed, cheek resting on Michael’s chest. “I don’t deserve it though. I was such an awful person, and god..” He sighed, shaking his head. “I…I don’t want you to go either. I don’t wanna lose you.”

Michael clicked his tongue and ran a hand down the other’s wrist. Part of him wanted to snap back and agree with him, and it did. He had been a dick, plain and simple. But the rest of him just couldn’t do it. He never could.

“Shh..hey, listen. I’m not going anywhere, Jeremy. Really, I’m not!” Michael smiled somberly in an attempt to cheer him up. And Jeremy, hung onto it like a dog waiting for his owner. “I know you’re sorry and you feel like shit about it, but I’m not angry about it anymore. What’s done is done. But, I’m still here, aren’t I?”

Jeremy nodded and returned the gesture, lips curling into a crooked half-smile. As Michael breathed out an unseen sigh of relief, Jeremy inched back towards him. Emotions heightened from what was normally a welcome smoke, he was utterly exhausted. After taking what was way too long to say all that he had kept inside, he drifted into a wobbly sleep. Michael succumbed to a fit of yawns just seconds after, palms resting in the small of the others back as he passed out.

__________________________________

Cicadas chirped outside his window and as Jeremy tried to fall asleep, that was all he could think about. Every thought that popped into his head pertained to that night, and many others before that. It was all memories. Memories of a better time, a time that passed, and a time that he could never return to. Maybe a time that he never deserved. Taken for granted like it meant nothing more when it truthfully meant the world to him.

Turning over in bed, he faces the window; streetlights emitting a soft glow through his curtains. God, why can’t he just stop? Why can’t he relax and be normal for once?

Sighing, he leaned up and propped himself on his shoulders. Reaching over, he pulled his phone onto the bed and unable to sleep already, he figured it couldn’t get that much worse.

That didn’t last long. The first thing. The very first thing Jeremy saw when he opened his phone, was a throwback picture to a birthday party.

Michael’s, to be exact.

It was his fourteenth, barely a month after eighth grade began. He pointed behind him, face wide in fake ecstasy at the banner saying “Happy Birthday Mikey!” as if he didn’t know what day it was. He “hadn’t expected anything”, but he knew damn well that wasn’t true. The kid reveled in his birthday. He was one of the few people, if not the only person, Jeremy knew who genuinely enjoyed it. The memory made him smile.

For a brief moment, he forgot about everything his mind had been weighing on him before coming down from the high and back to reality. The pain knocked the wind out of him harder than before. Why? Why did it hurt him as much as it did? Why did every time he even so much as thought about Michael he felt like crying? Was it because of the whole SQUIP thing? Was it from being home after so long?

Could it have been that he lost something he so desperately wanted back?

To return to the safety of having him there and they can live in their mutually doomed relationship forever.

Where they get high and everything somehow makes sense.

Where he’s a bigger loser now more than ever and it doesn’t feel like a giant failure.

Where he feels…happy. And loved. And life feels worth living because someone, at least one other person, cares and has been there for the entirety of all he’s done. When others left, when he figured out who he truly was, when he almost lost himself, Michael was the one that stayed. After all the work he’d done to not return to those feelings or the person he was then, was just tossed out in the blink of an eye as he realizes he’s back right where he started.

Only difference now was, he knew what this was and that he couldn’t keep it up. He was older, and despite him basically regressing somehow, thinking about Michael, his subtle yet immediate swing into the beginning of a depressive episode; he understood that what he was hoping for wasn’t real.

He couldn’t do that. Not to him.

As much as he missed him, he didn’t want to be the burden he knew he had to be on the other. (Michael never thought he was, but in Jeremy’s own fucked up mind, that’s what he believed.) He can’t deny himself anymore, about what he’s feeling/wanting at this moment anyway. He loved Michael. More than he’d loved…anyone.

But now as he lies awake in bed, wanting to forget about it all, the thing that calms him down into an uneasy sleep is going back into the place he regretfully knows best. His head.

Dreaming he’s fallen asleep in the boy with the red hoodie's arms, like he’s done so many times before, he falls asleep. Finally. Why was he so pathetic? He wasn’t any better than his own father. Trying/chasing after a love that he knew he wouldn’t get. But hey, that was tomorrow Jeremy’s problem when he inevitably woke up.

Unbeknownst to him, his phone dings from his bedside table.

From: maybe? Micheal

“Hey.”

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2ndstar-ontheright · 3 months

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Demain, dès l'aube (or Y U R I B L A S T)

Summary: Chloe, the queen bee herself, is absolutely terrible at relationships.

Each of them have either ended or turned to the worst and who's to blame? Well, for a lot of it, herself. Especially when one of those relationships is the best person she's ever met.

WC: 3094

Read on AO3 here ✨

TW for: sl*tshaming, underage drinking, toxic relationships, characters just being assholes really.

Why was everything so difficult for Chloe Valentine?

It really shouldn’t be. Your typical upper middle class American girl. She did dance, she did sports, she never went without, conventionally beautiful. Her family, for all the pain they hid, cared. Her father especially, and her mother as best as she could given what little experience she had. Sure she had issues, but it wasn’t in the “ooh the popular girl has feelings, feel bad for her boohoo.” It was just there. Never shown and yet still present in the back of her mind. She knew she could be harsh sometimes, a little on edge, and sometimes lacking empathy. It’s not that she was trying to be that way, to her, that was the only way to be taken seriously. To survive.

But despite all of that, unremarkably, almost all of her relationships ended in disaster.

A “disaster lesbian,” a term she despised more than anything.

It was a muggy June evening. Her room, neat as always, slightly wrecked from what she could make out. The aftermath of a sleepover with Christine as the shorter girl lay undisturbed on her bed. It was a new thing they did, with her and Brooke growing more distant these days. A soft smile pulled on her lips from her spot on the windowsill before turning her head back to the glass.

She sighed.

She should’ve known it was going to end this way with her and Brooke. It was just like all her previous relationships; doomed from the start with her being the cause of it. She’d given the blond enough shit for a lifetime and as she thought about it now, she couldn’t understand how she put up with it for so long. Always being on edge of her outbursts and calming her down when she didn’t deserve it. It was like watching a dog that knew they were being abused, but still came back no matter what their owner did.

And it sickened her.

Then there was Jake. The first “real” boyfriend she had and unsurprisingly, the most tumultuous one. They were your standard highschool jock/princess couple and for a while, she loved it. She loved knowing that he was always there and that everyone else did too. They checked pretty much all of the boxes that most at their age did or didn’t. They were prom king and queen, flirted openly and often, did everything together, they were practically inseparable. She was living a dream and she can confidently say that she had the prime “high school romance.”

But of course, there was so much bubbling beneath the surface.

You take two volatile teens in a notable on again/off again relationship that come from broken homes. Should you really be surprised when they eventually break up for good?

God was it messy. There were times where it was great and just the picture perfect love story, and then almost immediately after they were going at each other's throats. She couldn’t understand that he had other things outside of her and she really only liked the idea of him. And he couldn’t understand that he never prioritized her and was generally not nice to be around a lot of the time. Both of them didn’t get that they weren’t likable people to everyone else and even more so to each other.

Then there was the Halloween party, the fighting, and the mutual cheating..ugh Chloe could go on.

Now, even though she was half to blame for most of their issues, she didn’t hold any ill will towards iit. They were both young and stupid. It was never meant to last forever and they’ve both grown as people since then. Thankfully, they’ve made up after the years have gone on and she prefers it that way. The only thing she regrets now is how that relationship came to be.

How, despite “winning” she still lost. And that loss was the beginning of the end, the thing that started it all.

Madeleine.

______________________________

Exhaling deeply, she watched as her breath coated the glass, absentmindedly rubbing at it with her finger. Acrylic nails tapping against the pane she stares outside, hoping that might take her out of her mind. It doesn’t.

Oh, Madeleine. What else was there to say? So much yet so little at the same time. On the outside, it was obvious. She hated her. She spread rumors about her, thought she was annoying and a pain in the ass, slutshamed her, made pretty much the entire school hate her as well or at least feel uncomfortable around her. She was Middlesbrough High’s favorite joke told by the perfect comedian.

No one knew who she was, well they thought they did anyway. She was this mysterious looming figure, an urban legend to simultaneous anger and turn on the student body.

Depending on who you asked, they either recounted their plights with her or sided with Chloe in that they turned their nose up at even the mention of her.

“She was a good lay.”

“Bitches like her deserve what’s coming to them, acting like that. Girl, grow up. This is high school, not the ghetto.”

Unknowing to them, it was all a lie. None of it was true. Not at all. She never slept around (only Chloe knew that she was asexual. Not that it meant she couldn’t, but she was very repulsed by the idea) , and most importantly, she was nothing like they thought she was.

She was kind. She was shy, kind of cynical, but had the greatest sense of humor and an even better style. She was something out of a magazine, undeniably someone’s dream girl.

And the worst part about it, is she was hers.

She was Chloe’s best friend and out of jealousy that she’d later come to realize was a denial of her feelings, she made school a living hell for her. To everyone else, it was started because she wanted Jake, but to her, it was because she was going to lose her to him. The one person she cared about more than anything was gonna forget about her.

And she’d never know what she really meant to Chloe.

That was the worst part about it. She didn’t mean for any of it to go as far as it did. All for some guy, and she didn’t even think he was bad for her! She was scared and in her own way jealous of Jake. Why did he get to have her? He didn’t even know her!

Not like she did.

______________________________

The smell of cheap beer hung around the room, cigarettes fuming in through the open window. It was Halloween of freshman year, an unnaturally cold one for whatever reason. Chloe and Madeleine sat huddled together on the ratty satin couch in Jake’s parents' den.

They were still around at that time, but not that night, giving their son free reign over the house. It was a sad attempt at a high school party, all the alcohol being from his dad’s fridge in the garage and a few kids bumming off the cigarettes Dustin stole from his older brother. Really, it was your standard “kid tries to look cool and fails” party, however to them, it was the coolest thing ever.

Madeleine had her legs tucked underneath her, Jiji costume wrinkling in the process. She was too tired to care. It was just a black skirt and black tights, not much to ruin. Chloe sat next to her, feet on top of her lap and red headband falling off her head. Having the perks of being friends with the most popular girl in the grade, Madeleine avoided having anyone come up to her throughout the night. The occasional kid asked if she wanted to hang out, but instantly backed down when they saw Chloe. Now though, she was ready to leave, drifting in and out of passing out. Chloe felt the same way and was about to suggest they go when a song began to play through the speaker across the room.

Maybe it was the wine coolers they’d chugged, both hating the taste and wanting to get rid of it as possible, or the delirium that flooded them both, but things slowly shifted as the sound wafted in their direction.

“No matter which way you go~”

Chloe tilted her head to face the other whose eyes glazed over to her lazily.

“No matter which way you stay~”

Madeleine raised an eyebrow, but looked up as well anyway. Chloe moved closer to her, a dazed giggle escaping her lips, quietly muttering, “This is so stupid.” Before Madeleine could respond with “What?” the girl in the Kiki costume was cupping her face, ever so gently like she did earlier when Chloe helped her with her makeup.

“You're out of my mind, out of my mind~”

Chloe’s lips pressed against hers in a kiss. Taken aback. Madeleine jumped up at first, not sure how to respond. Chloe continued, eyes closed and hand reaching to her shoulder to reassure her. Eyelids darting from side to side, the black haired girl shrugged slightly and returned the kiss.

Strawberry. So that’s what her lip gloss tasted like. Secretly, Madeleine had wondered about that since Chloe got it a few months ago. She wore it everyday, reapplying it whenever she had the chance. It was the only one she didn’t share with anyone else. Granted, she was the one to have gotten it for her so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but she couldn’t help but be curious.

“Out of my mind, out of my mind~”

It was nothing like any kisses she’d had. There was the boy she “dated” for about a month back in Sherbrooke, and then there was her best friend Dustin Kropp, but that was just as a joke to see if they liked each other like that.

They didn’t.

Now though? She didn’t know how to feel.

On the one hand she liked it, but on the other, Chloe kind of just went for it. Didn’t say anything, just lips touching hers. But, it was gentle. Her other kisses were either messy or rough, nothing like Chloe’s. In her exhausted mind and in spite of it just happening, it felt…good.

Chloe pulled back and opened her eyes, her lip gloss staining the girls already smudged cat makeup. She smirked, watching her sit there stunned for a minute before she chuckled nervously.

“You’re a good kisser Maddie. But I shouldn’t be that surprised.” She said in awe, earning her a defensive shove from the other. Moving her feet off her lap and to the floor, she turned back and nodded her head in the direction of the door. Hand outstretched to the girl next to her.

“You wanna get out of here?”

______________________________

Neither of them thought anything of it after that. Things were still the same and Madeleine never asked why she did it. They just concluded that it was the drinking and the curiosity. She wanted to know what it was like, how it felt to kiss a girl and that was that.

Madeleine would never suspect it meant something, not if Chloe had anything to do with it.

And it did. She didn’t need to nor would she ever know, but it did. It was just one of many things that meant something to Chloe. Even though she was the one to initiate it, it stung when she realized she couldn’t tell Madeleine that it was so much more. Not by any one else’s volition, only hers. Chloe Valentine doesn’t kiss and tell.

Not until it meant losing the best kiss she ever had.

______________________________

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Madeleine seethed, tears running down her face from across the hallway.

Chloe shrugged nonchalantly, acting like she wasn’t crushing inside as she checked her nails. “Look, if you don’t want people thinking you sleep around, then I don’t know. Maybe…don’t?” Chloe glowered, sticking her head out as if she was explaining something to a child. “Especially when the man isn’t yours to take?”

Madeleine stood there in shock, speechless. What could she say?

Chloe knew, she had to know that she and Jake never did anything. Was it a bet? Yes. But she knew he and Chloe were dating and when she stood nervously against the pool table, she told him she was just fucking with him. She was never going to have sex with him. Hell, the bet was just so she could get back at him for sleeping with someone else while he was dating Chloe. And he was wasted out of his mind, so of course he was gonna jump at the opportunity of supposed physical touch.

Still that didn’t stop him from pulling her into a kiss. A hard one at that.

And even though it wasn’t anything more, that didn’t stop the others from thinking otherwise.

It was to get back at him. To show him how he’d hurt her friend, and this is how she reacts? That she’d sleep with her boyfriend when she barely interacted with Jake once before that? Did she really think that little of her?

And yet, she still decided to make her life a living hell. Now as she tried to confront her, Chloe looked like she could care less. A face that once looked at her with such admiration and softness just stared at her like she was nothing more than a headless barbie.

“I told you, I never slept with him. He kissed me ! Do you really think I’d do that to you?!” Madeleine shook her head incredulously at Chloe, turning away so she couldn’t see her crying. Her face was growing red and she closed her eyes to take a shaky breath before glaring at Chloe again.

Chloe hesitated for a moment. Maybe she was telling the truth? This was Madeleine, her friend, she wouldn’t lie about that. And her face made her want to tear her eyes out. How could she do this? Truly, what was wrong with her? That she’d watch her friend, her best friend, tell what had to be the truth and not even say anything? However, she just couldn’t stop herself, as much as she wished she did. She sniffed in disgust and rolled her eyes, walking away without turning a blind eye.

Other kids stared at her with equal looks of annoyance, shock, and revulsion. Them having to see that and hear her try to state her case? Ugh. Chloe was right. She really was fucked up. To pretend she didn’t sleep with him and beg for forgiveness? Pfft. It was laughable at best and pitiful at worst.

As she saw them all turn to stare at her, their expressions barely hidden, she turned around and stormed out the door. She knew she was telling the truth, and still she didn’t care? Just left her there standing like an idiot.

Typical.

The one person she thought would be different, that didn’t see her as a “whore” was just like everyone else.

______________________________

The next morning after taking Christine home, Chloe couldn’t stop thinking about it all. She finally had a decent friend, someone that saw the changed version of her. Someone that saw beyond the bitchy exterior she’d held for so long. She had no idea why, she of all people didn’t deserve it, but by the grace of some higher power, she was lucky she got it. Christine was an angel and she most definitely wasn’t. She would never be.

But she didn’t have to be an angel, to be better. Not to earn forgiveness or demand it, just to grow as a person.

This relationship, she wouldn’t fuck up. Not this time.

______________________________

“And so maybe, it was easier for me to hate you. Because then, even though I was lying to myself and I’ll forever regret it, I wouldn’t have to face what I’d spent so long to disguise.

It helped me forget that I loved you.

And I’m not saying this to excuse what I did. There’s just no doing that. Nor am I saying this for you to forgive me. I don’t want you to. I just want you to know that I’m sorry, but that is all. What I did was, horrible, to put it at the very least. The fact that I would ruin our friendship, be such a bitch to you over you telling me the truth and my refusal to listen to you, haunts me to this day. I knew back then and I know now that you’re not like that. You’re so much more than that.

And most of all, you didn’t deserve it. You never did. Especially when I made you feel like it.

I really hope you’re doing okay now. Without me in your life and believe me, it’s for the best. I want you to be happy. I know things will never be okay between the two of us and I understand that. It was my own fault, not yours. I just wanted to tell you because I never had the guts to before.

Love, Chloe. ”

Putting the paper aside, Madeleine didn’t know what to say. Speechless, once again. For once, Chloe somehow didn’t make it about her in the way she usually did. Expecting to be forgiven when she really didn’t deserve it, or when Madeleine didn’t want to. She’d hurt her. So much. And though she’d never know to the extent she had, this was…something.

Something in the right direction.

Madeleine pulled her knees up to her chest and looked up at her ceiling, trying to fight the feelings fluttering around in her chest. The other seemed to have shown genuine remorse and she appreciated that she didn’t come in person.

She didn’t forgive her though. She couldn’t. Not right now.

The black haired girl sniffled, why did it still feel so weird? She graduated already, high school was over. Why should it bother her? It bothered Chloe still to some extent, so that kind of made it better? But it still hurt in a way she couldn’t explain. She just wanted to forget about it.

“Demain, dès l'aube.” She muttered, slipping the letter into her bedside drawer. She turned off the lamp and crawled in bed, swallowing the lump that sat in her throat refusing to go away. Like a cat sitting on her neck, suffocating her.

“Tomorrow, at dawn, maybe I’ll forget that I love you.”

#toxic yuri #me? posting original content? noooo #that's not me at all #Chloe Valentine #Madeline be more chill #my girl doesn't have a last name but I love her anyway #Chloe Valentine/Madeline #be more chill musical #bmc #be more chill #bmc fanfiction #bmc fandom #w/w posting #character study #character analysis #doomed yuri #doomed relationship #toxic love

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