#bsd 123.5

[formiito]

the way his eyes lose their light again. dazai's appearance, akutagawa's tears of relief. all he wants is to know that he's tried hard enough. that he's done enough. that his resolve wasn't enough, but he's done what he could. THE TIREDNESS IN HIS EYES. THE PEACE IN HIS EXPRESSION WHEN THEYRE CLOSED. the light in the eyes of the dazai in his hallucination. when he is utterly resigned to his fate, after fighting so hard, it's dazai whose confirmation he needs that he's done ENOUGH, and that he could rest. i'm gonna sob. cry. i'm gonna sob and cry and my day is ruined asagiri why

the way the light comes back to his eyes when he's finally acknowledged too. when he's told he's done so much. cause he has. even if a hallucination, isn't it just a way of akutagawa accepting himself, within the recesses of his mind, that he's fought hard? isn't it a way of him acknowledging himself through dazai's vision? through that hallucination he makes peace with himself. it's the only way he knows how.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Concept: I have this mental image of Atsushi going to strike Akinari but he pauses before he hits his target.

For small frail arms wrap around his waist ones that belong to a shaking sobbing child.

Of his younger self who Atsushi has always ignored or watched from afar but never intervened.

That child now begging him through tears to let them go. The way Atsushi used to beg and sob and go unheard.

The claws glint above him.

He had never been able to save anyone, much less himself….and yet…

I see this particular scene continuing as either Atsushi himself begins to cry and lowers his hand.

Or Atsushi kicks away his younger self (“the headmaster of your orphanage kicked your ribs until they broke”) and resumes his attack.

Either Atsushi finds himself or he becomes the very man he hates the most.

[vii0so]

[ BSD 123.5 Spoilers ]

Thoughts, Theories and Analysis

Literally forgot a new chapter was even releasing today but holy shiz today's update was great. I love it, especially this part:

My heart can't take thiiiiis! Would it be strange to say I'm glad we saw Akutagawa cry? Like, I'm happy for him, it's like a weird form of closure / acceptance for him.

He's not dead dead obviously. Just like all the other characters 'killed' by Ame-No-Gozen once this whole ordeal is over he'll retuen.

Honestly, even before the ordeal is over he will return and fight alongside Atsushi (as we see in the look ahead of the anime's last ep). Probably with Ueda's help.

I doubt Atsushi will actually kill Ueda. It's not that I find him too soft to kill, quite the opposite, he can and will kill depending on the situation and the type of person, but Ueda is not a bad person, they didn't want any of this to happen. Ueda is someone who has basically been imprisoned and forced to watch their creations be used for evil. They witnessed one die (destroyed) and now they are witnessing the other one be used for destruction without anyway to stop it.

Thus, Ueda wants to die as a way to free their creation from its fate and themself from this eternity of guilt and suffering in captivity.

To me, this part sounds like a parent who's twin children were turned into weapons of war. They gave them the gift of life only for their life to be turned into a weapon used against anyone the wielder saw fit. Eventually, the parent - seeing one of their children die from wear and the other forced into continuing the same mindless slaughter - can't take it anymore and wishes that they had never brought them into this life.

Random fact: Ame [ 雨 / あめ] means rain and Tsuki [ 月 / つき ] means moon - a reference to the real author's work - and therefore the bsd character's ability - "Ugetsu Monogatari" (Tales of Moon and Rain).

Anyway, back to Akutagawa, how is he seeing Dazai? For Atsushi's case we got the explanation that it was basically created by his mind under the influence of Q's ability. This is then immediately confirmed.

But what about Akutagawa? Even if he had been affected by Q's ability, the mental burden taking effect only now would be strange.

The most likely possibility is some form of the near death effect, where people who are about to die may see their loved ones (usually deceased family members) telling them words of encouragement and things along the lines of "you did well" and "it's time to go" or even the opposite, such as "it's not your time yet".

So after openly thinking that this would mark his end, his mind conjured up Dazai because a part of him remembered what Atsushi told him about.

Honestly, the strangest part of this whole thing for me was the music. Most people probably didn't think about it much but to me it seemed strange.

If he first saw Dazai and then heard him speak I could say that in his state of mind his brain created an auditory hallucination. But the music starts while his eyes are closed, before he even sees Dazai.

"Atsushi could hear his hallucination while he was asleep."

Yes, but Atsushi's "shadow" was created by his mind under the influence of Q's ability, not as a near death 'these are my final moments' brain response.

Maybe I'm thinking into this too much...music is definitely possible if it was a strong factor from a point of time in his life. Does this mean Dazai has played the piano for Akutagawa or that this is a melody that left an impression on him in some part of his life similarly to Dazai? Maybe neither, maybe both, will we ever know, does it mean anything at all? ...yeah, I'm overthinking this.

Btw...am I the only one who wants to know what song was played?

[the-armed-detective-gaygency]

Just fucking gut me like a fish at this point, that way it would hurt less

[entertxinmyfaith]

Not Akutagawa finally learning what it feels like to get a limb cut off after spending the last ~120 chapters nonchalantly chopping off Atsushi’s every time they meet. Karma perhaps?

[lazyflower48]

Ignoring everything that happened before and after this particular panel- I have to say, seeing dazai play the piano was NOT what I was expecting to see this chapter. There have been way too many random dazai things in the manga lately. Like, port mafia dazai in the great '25? Dazai posing weirdly? Just what kind of perception of dazai do Akutagawa and Atsushi have in their heads?

All while he's in France doing god knows what.

[littlemusic-muse]

An Eulogy to the relationship that I (he) was hanging onto... Oh, this is goodbye. It's so bright and everything I wished for.

My thoughts on this matter: I don't actually think that Akutagawa seeing Dazai this way is him regressing, nor do I think that he is actually dead.

The way I see it, he is choosing to see Dazai this way: saying those words that he has worked hard; seeing him so beautiful and dazzling: he's saying goodbye and letting go of Dazai because he is no longer really chasing him anymore, because those words "You've fought hard...", he is personally closing the door

For a more detailed thoughts process: please message me. I have thoughts on a comparison of this interaction and Atsushi's interaction with his own "teacher" in a sense.

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

Whenever this scene gets animated I better hear the most outrageous and hilarious song edits over this

[doctorforks]

I sound like a broken record by now, but atsushi continues to develop the same blurry eyes as fyodor

[xvxblahhhxvx]

"Just the two of us?" "Do we need any more?"

I'm starting to think you're gonna need a whole army because who the flip is going to fight for you when you guys are on your 5,490th fakeout death?

[mir4inotes]

i found the piece dazai plays in 123.5!! (SPOILERS)

the piece is ‘pavane pour une infante défunte’ or ‘pavane for a dead princess’. amazing, right??

i was in the shower and was like ‘hmmm you’d need such big hands to play that piece’ and then remembered the hell of trying to learn pavane and had a eureka moment

proof beneath the cut!!

comparisons (using my sheet music):

then,

finally,

TADAAAAA

also fun fact:

this piece is used in bsd wan!’s soundtrack too!

[theghostinabadbook]

The dehumanization of ability users is such a recurring theme in BSD, but it manages to be so devastating every time. The way they are treated, especially by authority figures, like the government, as nothing more than tools, as if all that is valuable, useful, about them is their powers, as if they are nothing more than their abilities. It's sad to think that this has been happening for the last 1500 years, that Ueda was not only forced into eternal life and imprisoned inside their own creation by the politicians of their time, used as a means to prolong Ame-no-gozen's existence, but that now this same creation has been fused with the corpse of an ability user and both are being used to fulfill someone else's evil goals, which contradict or distort their own ideals

[mayoi-inu]

This is getting interesting :)

So the two blades are named after Ueda's ability.

雨月物語　Ugetsu monogatari, Tales of rain (雨) and moon (月)

But also one of them manipulates space time and the other, the one for the moon, manipulates life force.

The moon is related to Atsushi's ability beast under the moon. His ability is regeneration.

And the rain is related to Akutagawa's ability! Have you read Rashoumon? Rain and cloth.

Ahahhhhahahahaha

[candiedfright]

ryuu seeing dazai as he dies, playing music (likely a soothing melody) and telling him something he wishes he would have been told in real life. tearing up because he didn't get to experience it, but at his last moment it was enough to just think about what having a better relationship with his mentor could be and how good the approval and pride could feel after all the pain and sacrifice 👍 what if i disembowel myself

[anticidic]

Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure at these panels It's fascinating that Akutagawa stopped seeing Dazai as visions briefly and only saw Atsushi, as a symbol of learning to move on from "needing" Dazai and finding his power from within, to seeing Dazai again. I think being shown the vision (metaphorically speaking) by Ame-no-Gozen right as he's supposedly about to die is a metaphor of the final death of his past self that was entwined with Dazai, for him to be reborn as his new self. But also, unlike the first time after fighting The Guild when Dazai acknowledged that he was strong, Akutagawa here acknowledges that, yes, he fought hard, and it's a statement not a question. He knows he did, and doesn't need that approval. The vision he's seeing appears to be Dazai on the surface, but I think it could be Akutagawa's consciousness telling him that he's fought hard. It's also interesting that it's Dazai playing music of all things, and not, say, Akutagawa seeing another vision of when they were younger when either Dazai recruited him or when they were training. It's something calm instead, which I think also reflects how Akutagawa's starting to feel about himself. That internal strife he had about himself and by extension Dazai as his mentee, is fading away and he's learning to accept and find peace within himself.

[sh1nsoukoku]

he envied atsushi

atsushi has desperately wanted free of his master, and he has been actively clawing his way away from the headmaster’s gaze

akutagawa wanted nothing more than for his master’s gaze to fall upon him once more, he wanted to run straight into the metaphorical burning building that atsushi is trying to escape from. this is him realizing that he’ll never make it there and he shouldn’t want to. this is him speaking to himself and finally acknowledging that yes, he fought hard… and it makes him cry. a final grace he extends to himself right before death in the form of a memory of atsushi, a peaceful piano melody, the words he always wanted to hear and the tears that never had the privilege to fall