#btw i started this set at least 7 years ago

[jennalouisecolemans]

just some doctor/clara:  [13/∞] The Doctor and Clara + The TARDIS "I always imagine that I'm back in my TARDIS, showing off, telling you how I escaped, making you laugh."

[gyusrose]

➵ 5-star michelin -> p.js

-dm or comment to be added to taglist -

⚠︎ smut (mdni) , sprinkle of angst

✎ teacher!jay x student, slight age gap (25 & 23), jay is kinda mean, dom!jay + sub!reader, jealous!jay, praising, dirty talk

summary: achieving your dream of becoming a chef is not easy, even worse when your teacher’s always up your ass.

{btw! i don’t cook like at all so bear with me 🙏}

(non!idol jay x fem.reader)

~ late christmas + new year’s gift *ੈ✩‧₊˚🥂*ੈ✩‧₊˚

wc: 4.2k

——————————————————————————

you love the kitchen, you pretty much live there day and night. it’s no surprise to anyone that your dream job is eventually becoming a real chef. that’s why you’ve spent almost your whole life perfecting the one skill you’re good at. most of the recipes you use come from your mom. before she passed she left a whole book of recipes in it and what a hell of a good time you had with it.

it helped you cope, that’s what drove it. you feel sad? make something yummy. you feel mad? bake something nice. you feel happy? cool something delicious. your problems seemed to fade away while your cooking.

over the last year, you’ve started attending culinary school. obviously, you’re not perfect and you still need some work on your dishes but you’re not doing too bad to say the least. now though, it’s a new chapter opening for you.

you’ve been wanting to get out of your hometown for a while and move to the city as there were more opportunities down here and to your luck, you got accepted into a (very prestigious) culinary school nearby your apartment, a win-win situation.

like anyone, you were scared, scared to make new friends, scared to meet new people, scared to start from zero, a new place, a new routine. but it’s all for the better.

you sighed as you tied your apron around your waist, almost heading out the door to your first day of school. boxes were still unpacked all around your floor, it was a total mess, you literally slept on the floor last night. it was definitely not the best case scenario for a great morning but eh.

you finally caught your breath trying to calm down grabbing your tote bag and leaving your messy apartment.

the school was no more than five minutes away walking. at least you’re gonna be on time.

your entered the glass doors of the huge white building. the receptionist noticed you, you quickly showed her your ID, which they gave you during your orientation last week. she gave you a nod and you headed into the elevator, pressing the number 13.

your hands were shaking and sweaty. coming into a new school in the middle of the year has got to be the worst scenario for an introvert like you. you finally reached the room where the class will be taking place ( i genuinely don’t know what culinary school is like pls) as soon as you stepped in, all eyes were on you. including the head chef’s.

“you must be the new student right? happy first day you’re late.” one of them spoke, your cheeks couldn’t have become any redder than what they already were. you hated all the attention on you.

late? didn’t class start at 7:30? you thought.

“class started fifteen minutes ago, take a seat and catch up.” almost like he could read your mind he responded.

you muttered a low ‘sorry’ before heading onto an empty seat trying to take as much attention away from you. of course his happens to you.

you gathered all the ingredients you were told to get and set them on the table in front of you. mimicking what the other students were doing. as you weee doing that the chef came up to your side, an evident scowl noticed on his face.

it was until then you realized how handsome he was, he looked very young as well, not someone that you would expect to be a head chef. his jawline was sharper than the knife on your hand. you shook those thoughts away quickly though, he’s your teacher! what are you thinking?

“i’m just letting you know, whatever you did today can’t happen anymore, attendance is very important everyday, this is a very advanced class so you might not want to be missing any of it, got it?” even though he whispered, it felt like he was yelling at you. it was very aggressive and harsh making you flinch.

you quickly nodded, now scared of him even more. suddenly you want to change classes with another chef. finally leaving you let out a big sigh which you were holding in ever since he came over, and resumed cutting your vegetables and stir frying them.

“you need more seasoning on that, it’s too bland!” the chef, which you now you know as ‘Chef Park’ said as he tasted your chicken. you were almost sweating, from the way he speaks and acts, you felt nothing but intimidated by his presence, even more when he’s tasting your first dish for him. throughout the whole lesson today, he seemed to be only picking at you, he didn’t taste any of the other student’s food, only yours. you found it kind of irritating but tried not to think much about it.

“i’ll definitely note that chef.” you smiled at him bowing.

“ i’m expecting a lot from you, ______” he said before heading back to his space.

you were confused. why you? you’re probably the least talented person in this room right now so why you? you had so many questions but decided that maybe you just needed a good nights rest and starting packing up your stuff on your bag.

jay sighed at the empty room in front of him. it was currently 1 am, and he couldn’t find the urge to go home. he was just thinking, thinking about you.

he was the one that read your application into the school, he read your recommendation letters from your past teachers. you were put into his advanced class for a reason.

what he didn’t expect was the glory of a woman that was going to get in that door. it was as if the universe slapped his type right in front of him. that’s what he saw. how could someone look so beautiful in such a simple uniform? he also wonders that.

he can’t let down his demeanor though. yes he finds you attractive, but he can’t soften up just for you, that’s unfair to the rest of the students that have to put up with him. plus he hasn’t forgotten that he’s the teacher and you’re a student, it’s unethical for him to even be thinking of you in that way.

it’s been approximately a month since you’ve started going to this new school and to be honest, it was eating you up. chef park kept nit-picking everything you did, which honestly is what’s. teacher should do but not to that extent. you saw the way he was always looking your way when you were cooking. how he would yell at you across the room when you did something wrong ( even if other people were also doing it) it’s driving you insane to the point that you’re about to actually request for a change of teacher.

you were struggling to cook the steak to chef park’s desired temperature when you felt someone tap your shoulder. you turned your head around to see a boy. if you’re not mistaken his name is jake.

“i see you’re kind of struggling with that, there’s a trick i do that always manages to cook the steak to chef’s park liking. may i?” he asked if he could touch the knobs of your stove. you nodded and he turned the heat to the maximum for a few seconds, turning the steak over on both sides while bathing it in butter , then he turned it to low heat, repeating the same action.

jay obviously noticed this and did not appreciate it. he should be happy seeing another student sharing tips with you but that wasn’t the case this time. without thinking he walked over the two of your laughing figures.

“sim! it’s very inappropriate of you to be talking with your little friend when you should be cooking..”

“oh sorry chef park. i was just giving her a hand. i thought you wouldn’t mind.”

you looked at chef park, noticing his glaring eyes on jake. is it that bad for a student to help another student out?

“well i do! back to your place.” he said not sparing you a glance while jake decided to not respond back and just gave you an apologetic smile before heading off.

“alright everyone, that would be it for today, but don’t forget that by the end of the semester you’re gonna have to cook something of your own, impress me okay? “

as students left you decided to have a word with the chef, wanting to know if he just truly just didn’t like you or if he had a problem with you being here, so you could change chefs.

there was another girl talking to him before you. he acted so different with her, so respectful, kind and smiley. his face sours up every time he’s talking with you, so you barely see him smile and you almost melted at it.

“is there a problem miss ______?”

you jumped out of your other world and looked at him. suddenly feeling shy. you felt your confidence slip away as he was now looking straight at you, waiting for you to speak.

“ well-uh i’ve been noticing how harsh you’re on me compared to the other students, did i do something to cause that?”

jay was taken aback from your straightforwardness, but he responded either way.

“ you just need more toughness out on you _____, do you want to be mediocre?” he was lying through his teeth. jay knew you were if anything, the best of the class, he couldn’t just say that out loud.

you on the other hand, were crushed. was mediocre all he saw in you? have you been lied to by your other teachers?

“ is the yelling necessary though ? there’s way to effectively communicate without yelling.” you hated being yelled at. every time someone raised their voice at you, tears would just fall like a waterfall. thankfully, you’ve managed to hold in your tears during class so chef hasn’t seen you cry.

“are you questioning my teaching skills now? “

shit. now you offended him.

“n-no that’s not what i meant, i just-“

“you don’t think i’m a good teacher ?” he said getting up closer to you, pretty much standing inches in front of you. suddenly you felt your heartbeat fasten.

“i d-do chef, i just kind of find it unfair?” you said, trying to not stutter all your words.

jay smirked, now standing less than a feet in front of you, grabbing your chin and holding it up, making you look straight at him. jay could definitely see your rosy cheeks that you were so embarrassedly trying to hide.

“am i making you nervous miss _____?” you only gulped, you didn’t even know what to respond to that, even though it was bluntly obvious based on your state right now.

the both of you didn’t say anything for a moment, the two just stared at each other, waiting for one to make a move first.

you don’t know exactly where you got the guts to actually make the move. you engulfed your chef into a suffocating kiss. the kiss itself was enough to show how much y’all were yearning for each other. jay was dying to do this ever since he laid his eyes on you, but you on the other hand, didn’t know how much you actually wanted to do this until now. sure you found him handsome and smart and literally perfect but you never expected for him to think of you the same way to the point we’re he’s actually kissing you back and heating up the kiss you once started. his tongue grazed over your lip. his hands moved from your face to your waist, pulling you closer, melting into his embrace. your lips tasted so sweet, jay felt insatiable.

both of you forgot about the fact that this was very much not allowed. the world ceased to exist to exist at that moment. there were no boundaries, no constraints, just the two of you.

jay’s hand traveled down further and further, now down to your ass, giving it a light squeeze. the small action made you moan into his lips. even though your eyes were closed, you could feel him smirking at you.

your own hands travelled along his broad shoulders, down his shoulders. once again, confidence shot through you. your fingertips found their way to his belt buckle, about to undo it when his fingers wrapped around your wrist. stopping your movements.

“see you next class.” that’s all he said before gathering his things and leaving you there. high and dry.

that’s when you woke up. realizing what you were about to do, more like who you were about to do it with.

embarrassed. that’s what you were. he could literally lose his job what were you thinking?!

you let out a shaky sigh and left the empty room. all you need right now is a hot shower and sleep, you need to forget this ever happened. the worse thing is that tomorrow you still have to face him in class.

you knew showing up in the classroom that the two of you almost fucked in yesterday was going to be hard to show your face in. although no one noticed you, you just felt exposed. you refused to make eye contact with jay the whole time. jay definitely noticed this right away. he felt kind of bad in leaving you like that, but he knew that if he stayed there a little longer, he wouldn’t have controlled himself. he did think though, you looked kind of cute all shy and red, avoiding his eyes the whole class.

he took matters to his hands and approached you for the first time today, which was odd since he would’ve already yelled at you for something at this point.

“what are you working on miss ______?” his voice startled you, not even noticing he walked over to you.

“ just finishing the sauce for this.” you shortly said looking down at your food. jay’s stare didn’t leave your face once. and you could feel it very much. it felt hard to breathe at that moment. you have no doubt your face is boiling at his simple presence.

“ look at me when i’m speaking to you.” you didn’t want to. but he was still your teacher and the last thing you want to be is disrespectful so you looked at him. and god you wished you didn’t. those brown eyes have a world of its own. you found yourself staring at him shamelessly, forgetting he was speaking to you.

“are you even listening?” of course you weren’t yet you nodded assuringly.

“great then see you friday night.” you nodded but it took you a moments to realize what he said.

friday night? for what? this is what you get for daydreaming. embarrassingly, you asked him what he meant after you just told him you were listening to what he was saying.

jay chuckled and shook his head at your lie. “ i said if you were coming to the dinner i have set up for the class, since christmas is coming. and you responded yes, so you better be there miss ______.” he said with a smirk, palming your cheek. your eyes widened at his move. you looked around to see if anyone noticed, to your relief no one did as they were too focused on their food. “someone could’ve seen!” you whisper-shouted your chef. he just rolled his eyes and said “ just be there on friday, i have a gift for you.”

the last thing he said before walking away. you were left dumbfounded. what did any of that mean? you didn’t notice that you’ve doesn’t about 10 minutes just standing there thinking until you smelt something burning.

“your meat is overdone _____!!!” jake told you walking up to you turning the stove off.

shit.

you weren’t the one to like social events much. as a teenager, you barely went out with your friends. you were a proud nerd. always focused on school, that’s how you were thought to be, which explains how you’ve only made one friend (jake) ever since been here for months. now you’re gonna be forced to socialize for a whole evening.

you weren’t unprepared thankfully. you brought a couple of classy dresses with you, you could imagine that things like these were gonna happen. you eventually decided on a white silk dress. it was elegant yet comfortable for you. not too short or not too long as well. you decided to not do anything special with your hair and let it down.

you suddenly felt the urge to not go. the last person you want to see is your chef. you don’t see the point of going yet you kept doing your makeup, you just want to change into your pyjamas and lay in bed all night. a ding in your phone caught your attention, revealing a text message from jake.

-I’m here

it seemed like you have to go now. quickly you gathered your things and left your lot.

jay kept waiting and waiting. you was all he was waiting on. a bunch of people kept coming up and talking to him but he didn’t care. girls showed up trying to impress him, but nothing. he wanted you to come up to him, impress him.

what he didn’t expect is you coming in with some company. jake was obviously invited but not as your date, he thought. he could see his hand on your back as he said a few sorry’s for being late due to traffic. jay couldn’t focus on anything but you. what the fuck was jake saying to make you laugh so hard. was that on purpose? to see how he would react? jay couldn’t tell. it didn’t help how beautiful you looked tonight, more than usual. that fucker doesn’t get your beauty like he does.

the whole night jay kept quiet. stealing glances towards you and jake. when someone talked to him he kept his reposes dry. for a moment he could swear you stared at him.

jay didn’t miss when you stood up to go to the bathroom. he obviously took this opportunity to talk to you, if it wasn’t right now then it was never.

you left the bathroom, as a soon as you turned around, you were encaged. your breath hitched seeing who it was.

“c-chef?”

“oh please don’t act all innocent _____, i know what you’re trying to do.”

“i’m sorry..? i don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“coming in here with jake, wearing such tight dress showing off just enough to make me go crazy. do you realize how much power you have over me hm?”

you didn’t know what to respond to that. deep down you loved the way you made him feel. it was planned, at all, but it felt nice knowing how much little effort had an effect on him.

“ it’s not my fault that’s the way you think jay.” honourifics dropped. jay wasn’t expecting that response from you. the alcohol running through your blood was showing at the moment.

jay grabbed your neck and pulled you into a heated kiss. unlike your first kiss, this one was emerged in lust. both of your tongues entangled with each other. your hands rummaged through his hair pulling him closer to you.

all it took was a simple “wanna get out of here?” from jay for you to weaken in the knees, allowing your full submission to him.

“fuck jay, right ther-shit!” so much happened in the last thirty minutes, nothing could’ve prepared you to be eaten out by your teacher at that time.

you don’t even know how jay didn’t crash the car while driving to his house and completely stripping you in seconds. he ate your pussy like he’s been starving for months (which he was) your eyes rolled back, pulling his hair, engulfing him into you, wrapping your legs around his neck. jay was in fucking bliss.

“shit baby, you’re such a mess, so fucking sensitive.” he said pulling away from your cunt, earning a whine from you.

“such a desperate little brat. tell me, what do you want baby.” he said caressing your lips. you couldn’t stop biting them. from your angle, you could see everything of him. his sharp eyes staring down at you, his biceps, his chest, his abs, fuck you could cum right there.

“fuck me jay, i want you to use me.” unlike other instances, you didn’t break eye contact making him moan before grabbing your thighs and spreading them around his pelvis. your core was dying for his cock, it was noticible from how swollen it was.

jay rubbed his head along your folds before looking up at you for reassurance. you nodded, desperate written all over your face.

the first thrust in you was insane. the stretch felt like he was ripping up your insides. it was painful, a good type of pain. “fuck you’re so fucking big jay.” jay only groaned. he couldn’t even say anything, this was better than anything he could ever imagine.

once he was fully in he started to move in and out of your core, grabbing your waist, feeling himself in you. the crude sounds coming out of the both of you echoed throughout the house. jay’s hands played with your tits while you grabbed his waist, making sure he stays inside you as much possible.

“shit you’re so tight, that’s pussy’s all mine ain’t it?” his hand left your tits and started rubbing your clit while his thrusts turned very hostile you couldn’t even form words from the immense amount of pleasure.

“yes yes, it’s all your baby.”

jay didn’t think it could get better than this, but it did.

he flipped you over, now on all-fours, back arched. not wasting any time in fucking you from behind. he groped your ass, leaving his hand marks all over them.

you were about to explode when a ring could be heard, more specifically from your phone. you looked over it on the night stand seeing ‘jake’ displayed on the screen. shit you completely forgot that you just left him at the restaurant. you could call him back lat-

“answer it.” jay said from behind you sternly, fucking you even deeper.

“i don’t think i ca-“

“answer the fucking phone, it must be important.” as much as he didn’t like jake, it turned him on the way you could barely breath let alone speak while he’s fucking you restlessly.

you could barely talk but you managed to grab the phone and answer it, trying to sound as normal as possible.

“ sorry jake, i just wasn’t-hmp feeling well.” your hand went over your mouth to stop you from moaning into the phone. jay was just laughing in the background at your state right now.

“yea yea i-i’m so sorry, have f-fun though.” you nodded at his last sentence before hanging up and glaring at jay from behind you.

“fuck you!” you said then slamming your head into the pillow letting out muffled moans.

“i’m quite literally doing that baby.” you rolled your eyes in pleasure and annoyance. your orgasm was very close, even jay could feel the way you clench around him.

“fuck i’m cumming, so fucking close.” your weak voice said .

jay was on the same boat, he would’ve cum way earlier but it just felt so damn good, he wanted to treasure every moment.

“me too baby, c’mon cum all over my dick, do it baby.” that’s exactly what you did. your body twitched at the sudden feeling. your body going limp.

jay was also on edge, with a few more thrust he pulled out of you and came all over your back moaning in the process.

after the two of you balanced your breathing, jay laid next to you caressing your hair, the both of you were just giggling like little kids.

“so this was the gift you were talking about?”

[mako-neexu]

please do give a summary!! and thank you 🥺❤️

i got busy with dream striker asdsjkfh but heres the summary:

basically 80% of the Servants take their leave and return to their home countries- or at least where they're located considering the earth is bleached. And Santa Martha picks Nemo to be 2023 santa this time so he's named Nemo Porter. After taking on the role of santa, Nemo insists on guda and mash to stay and fully relax in the border then after nemo leaves BB helps guda and mash secretly assist santa nemo by making sure his route is safe wherever he goes.

over the week, we get to learn that nemo took on being santa because he wants to give someone a gift. you see how even king hassan himself warned nemo about it then later on merlin stops nemo for a while because of just how risky the operation is and tells them that its practically near-worthless given what they're going to do, then BB with guda and mash not to ask nemo about what hes planning.

nemo's objective all along is to gift guda their chaldean uniform- the very Master from years ago who collapsed right after a battle simulation as soon as they came to Chaldea. its really sweet...

it was a highly risky voyage considering time travel itself is near impossibility and could absolutely destroy Nemo's saint graph into nothing should he even breathe wrong during the Zero Sail or during his time at 2015 chaldea. so "no changing the past" is something that was absolutely integral to the time travel. even telling past-ritsuka about how special the uniform is would cause everything to fall apart. (this is also why the event is named like this btw 7 days of preparation and delivering presents and 8 years of traveling back far into the past)

after going through against the harsh upcurrent (and even seeing guda's nightmares especially Garden of Lostwill), nemo and the crew eventually safely travel back to the past, with nemo wearing meuniere as a disguise. there, he sees cerejeira, some old staff... and finally Romani Ar- "Man in a Lab Coat".... which the Man almost instantly realize its not "Meuniere" beneath but maintains friendliness regardless. they have a chat- a small chat of world fighting for survival to which the Man in a Lab Coat expresses his opnion that there is no right and wrong in a battle for survival. that the victor only gets to have the right to see what happens next.

then the conversation finishes and "Meuniere" asks the Doctor for two pairs of white gloves. to which santa nemo gives to the present guda and mash as his christmas present for both of them, after having delivered past-guda's uniform for them to use later on.

ok cut now for lore stuff

basically the most striking detail albeit small, changes everything.

"Announcer" - Prologue of the Fuyuki singularity

"CHALDEAS" - Christmas 2023 event

this basically means that it wasnt an accident that Fujimaru Ritsuka became Humanity's Last Master that day. it means that CHALDEAS itself literally planned for fujimaru to pass out in the simulation to delay their arrival from the bombing, setting the battle simulator to "Senior" or highly difficult on their first day.

CHALDEAS. CHALDEAS itself chose ritsuka that day. it could probably be because no one was highly as compatible with servants as much as Fujimaru Ritsuka themself. and considering its true purpose is to fulfill marisbury's grand order, it must have chosen them for that reason? theres not much info on chaldeas that i remember but if you consider this, then that changes everything from the start.

[crazycookiemaniac]

hi can u give me dummy steps on how commissions work? What app do u use??? How does it link to ur bank account?? Can ppl see ur real identity when they pay?? What r the usual prices etc.... im in a bit of a bind, financially and i have quite a lot of time on my hands during my job where i can write i feel and i want to start commissions. Im technologically (and more importantly, w my bank) very incompetent iG pls help thamk you. Love ur work btw!!:)

Hello there! Let me try to help you:

First, make sure your clients can easily get in touch with you. For example, try to have the same username in different social media and allow your clients to request via any of them. In my case, I'm "crazycookiemaniac" on Tumblr, Twitter/X, Instagram, Gmail and I even made a website that's offline at the moment (though the website is completely optional. You don't need to go that far). You can also create a linktree and copy&paste the link on your social media bios so people know where to find you!

Second step is, decide how much you want to be paid for your work. This step is pretty hard because it depends on so many things, like how much time you spend working on your writing, what you're willing to write and what you aren't, how much in a bind you are and how much you actually want to earn with commissions.

Using my own case as an example, when I first started working on art commissions 12~13 years ago, my prices varied between $2 and $7 USD. Nowadays, I charge $70~$130 (per character, and charge almost the same prices for additional characters). Even now, I'm not sure if I'm charging correctly for my work, but I still get clients so I'm assuming it's fair enough. I also offer discounts every so often when I'm in need to earn more quickly. A tip I can give you is to look for how much people who offer similar work as you are charging and create your price sheet according to theirs. Reminder that you are allowed to charge extra if the requests are too difficult or something you're not used to doing often (NSFW, for example).

Third: How to accept payments. I personally use PayPal Business, because in this case people will only see my business name (CrazyCookieManiac Productions) instead of my real name. And one VERY important note: always send invoices. DO NOT allow people to transfer you money of their own accord, because if you do you won't be eligible for the seller protection and you might get scammed (happened to me a couple times). If you don't want to send invoices, you can open a ko-fi, link it to your paypal and allow people to pay you through there (it'll be like they're paying for a service, so you'll be eligible for seller protection).

Other important notes:

-> Make sure you're paid at least 50% before starting to work on a commission, especially if it's a new client. It reduces the chances of you being scammed.

-> Always ask your client if they have a deadline, or let them know in how long they can expect you to finish or deliver part of what they paid for. Communication is key for a successful commission!

-> Set an amount of times your client can ask for free edits. I'm saying this because it may happen that one of them asks for way too many edits and you might have other commissions to work on. Time is money!

-> If you can, come up with a FAQ (even if no one asked you anything lol). Write stuff about deadlines, permissions to use your work, what you're comfortable with working and not, if you can make exceptions or not, stuff like that!

And I think that's it? I'm sorry if this isn't perfect, I just wrote down how I usually deal with stuff. If there's anything else I can help you with, let me know!

[menalez]

A girl I dated at years ago, in a fit of rage, nearly choked me to death because she convinced herself I was sleeping with a male. All because I didn’t want to have sex with her, which is something she knew from the start and was okay with waiting. It was not the first time she had put her hands on me either, but it took her almost ending my life for me to take a hint and stop making excuses for her. At the end of the day, I had no business being with her type or trying to convince myself that I was fit to live in a Set It Off reality (lmao too adventurous and trying to be captain save-a-hoe) She had a history of thug activities, so I take full responsibility for what I got myself into and how I allowed myself to be a victim. This is a gold star lesbian btw and she’s since been to jail several times for beating on females and a multitude of other petty crimes/demonic activities. Last year, she apologized to me (7 years late girl) and admitted that she purposely gets herself sent to jail because she enjoys all of the female attention she gets there as a masculine female. Truly Pathetic and I regret not listening to my mother when she’d literally told me “that girl is a demon and you need to stay away from her.”

that sounds horrible 😭 i’m so sorry u went thru that. especially the fact that she did that to u for not being ready to have sex.. just horrible and gross. i’m glad u stood ur ground and dumped her in the end at least.

i have a similar story with my ex (she’s bi tho) & she was violent for no reason. just seriously mentally unwell basically and the red flags were pretty obvious but i overlooked them bc i guess i just did not see my self-worth. she also choked me and it was literally just. random. she’d wake up and immediately get on top of me and choke me. one time i think she did it as some kind of “joke” and i ended up throwing up bc of it … also she had a few weeks in our relationship where she was basically storing cocaine for dealers at her place & she was stealing cocaine from them and going on cocaine binges which u can imagine how she’d act in those moments if she was trying to kill me when she’s sober! she was on ketamine once and literally bit my friend. just insane stuff. and ppl like that are never worth it nor can u somehow “save” them bc when they’re that bad, they usually don’t care to make themselves better. in my case she even tried to convince me that IM the one who’s worse off.. bc i “cry too much”. also she stole my wallet and when the police said they saw who stole it and described her to a T, she convinced me that she knows who it is and will find this woman and get my wallet and money back. would give me these stories about it too.

also the woman u dated sounds .. desperate tbh! from my experience at least, masculine lesbians don’t need jail to find interested women. they tend to get plenty of attention in general. at least that was the case for basically every masculine lesbian i had a thing with. she must rly have low self-worth and have problems to be putting herself in and out of jail just to get more female attention. i hope she gets better bc i assume she must be miserable if she’s still living like that. i’m glad ur out of that situation and kept urself safe,, it’s rly not worth it to date women like that n to tell urself that you can somehow “save” them,, i learned that the hard way 😭 u deserve better than that. no point in regretting it tho— we can’t undo our pasts, but we can at least use these negative experiences as ways to improve ourselves and teach ourselves somehow. at least that’s what i tell myself to cope with what i’ve been thru lmao,, and at least i can say in terms of my ex, it did teach me to look out for red flags more and not disrespect myself so badly that i’m willing to be abused and exploited and manipulated in the hope of gaining a woman’s love

[maryjanesims3]

Hey, could you please tell tips on how to make TS3 playable? I've done everything I can to reduce lag (merging cc files and using mainly low poly stuff, disabling memories, lowering graphics quality, editing files to allow the game use more RAM, downloading NRAAS mods and the smooth patch) and the game is still so laggy and crashes constantly even without any mods installed. I see many others on Youtube playing TS3 without any lag and I'm so jealous and desperate lol 😭

Hey there! While I'm not the most tech-savvy person for this, I can't imagine not trying to at least try to help a fellow simmer out. So I'm going to do my best.

You say you've done everything to reduce lag, but I didn't see you mention that you made the game recognize your GPU. Maybe you already did, but forgot to mention it in this cry for help. Anyway, i think that's one of the most important things to do. When I first did that (years and years ago), it made such an immense difference for me.

To do it, follow this guide here: Sims 3 performance guide

A lot of it you've already done, but there might be some things you missed! You don't have to do everything in the guide, for example a core-mod is listed but it's not essential to install that if you don't want it. Look at which step have (Essential) next to it.

I'm not sure what your specs are btw, because that also has big influence. I'm on a Lenovo Legion 7 (Ryzen 7 - 32GB - 1TB SSD - RTX 3070), so that's made for gaming. When I set up my game following the guide, I absolutely don't have to lower the settings anymore. Of course I do for some things (I don't know why I would want very high detailed trees constantly when not making a picture of scenery, lol!). But, if you're on a pc or laptop that isn't optimal for gaming, you might still encounter lagging. I don't think there really is a way to fix that, but you might be able to at least make it better!

Also, about the crashing, it might be the case you have a faulty piece of cc installed. Unless it also happens in a clean game, then it's probably something else. But I remember when I first started making default hairstyles, I was in the process of testing a default and my game constantly crashed when zooming out. Couldn't figure out why the hell it did that, until I realized I forgot to put bone assignments on the lowest LOD. So, one small oversight from a creator could be one others game crashing. There are a few faulty pieces of cc out there, some have the high lod in every lod, some are outdated pre Pets patch etc etc, so always beware of what you have installed and keep unmerged back ups of merged files so you can easily uninstall a faulty piece of cc.

[stopitmeg]

charli xcx projects ranked by meg!!

8. charli

oh boy i get anxious as hell whenever i share this opinion over the internet because it’s so controversial considering it’s lowkey her best selling album, but charli is my least favourite. i don’t think it’s bad or anything, but only a few songs really stand out to me and i find the rest to be a bit boring. also it should’ve been NEXT LEVEL charli… missed opportunity. my favourite song is “shake it” and least favourite is “i don’t wanna know”

7. crash

i love crash, it pains me to have it pretty low on my list but i suppose that’s how it is. so far it’s totally my favourite album of 2022 and it’s all i would listen to at work for a brief period. she really fucking gave us 80’s vibes mixed with 2010 club music throwbacks and i couldn’t be happier. my favourite song is “beg for you” and least favourite is probably “twice” if we’re not gonna count the deluxe version

6. pop 2

i didn’t really get the hype when i first listened to pop 2, but after revisiting it a few times… i changed my mind. it’s a really sick mixtape and all the collaborations are neat, really has a wholesome vibe to it when you realize you’re basically listening to a group of friends having a fun time while making memories together. i’d personally scrap a few song verses that i’m not a fan of, but it’s not too bad. my favourite song is “delicious” and least favourite is “porsche” if i had to choose

5. vroom vroom

could you imagine if vroom vroom was an album with more songs… like it’s already perfect but… could you imagine? we’re really just starting to get to the ones on the list where i don’t have any complaints, just overall really great music and as short as this ep is, doesn’t change the fact that it’s banger after banger. my favourite song is “trophy” and least favourite is “paradise” unfortunately since i need to pick

4. sucker

yeah, you’re seeing this correctly. i believe in sucker supremacy, and i will not tolerate any slander. i can understand why this album is pretty much everyone’s least favourite from what i’ve seen, but to go out of your way to say it isn’t even good? come on. every song is a bop, vocals are addicting, it’s just such a fun time. i grew up listening to a lot of rock music, so i absolutely adore what she did here based on my personal preferences. joan jett and stevie nicks would be proud. my favourite song is “sucker” and least favourite is “die tonight”

3. number 1 angel

this mixtape is what made me really appreciate charli xcx as an artist and why i kept coming back to her music. i instantly enjoyed every song and remember how hard i fell in love when i heard emotional and ily2 for the first time. there’s something about her vocals too that really did it for me, like when it got occasionally either scratchy or squeaky, it’s like a guilty pleasure. i’d even say this masterpiece is underrated. my favourite song is “emotional” which btw is my favourite charli song ever, and least favourite would have to be “3am (pull up)”

2. true romance

it’s really funny because i considered this album to be my second least favourite around a year ago, and now it’s actually my second favourite for multiple reasons, and it’s quite personal. i just love when artists write about love, especially if their words speak directly to my soul and i can understand where they’re coming from and what they’re trying to say. experiencing heartbreak or any kind of disappointment in the love department can really do something to you, and true romance has really helped me deal with some of my issues in the best way possible. being able to relate to lyrics and draw your own meaning behind them is a really special thing. my favourite song is “set me free (feel my pain)” and least favourite is “so far away”

1. how i’m feeling now

objectively her best album and you cannot tell me otherwise. not only is it another personal thing with me because of the love theme and how much i adore and relate to the lyrics, but the process and journey that this album went through to become what it is today… is just absolutely amazing and very impressive. you can tell how much charli loves her fans, and that makes me love her in return. you can just feel how much passion and energy she put into this record and it represents how we all felt during lockdown very accurately. i can’t believe i missed my opportunity to help write anthems with her back in the day, it’s too bad that i’m a late fan, but definitely better late than never. how i’m feeling now is officially in my top 10 favourite albums of all time. my favourite song is “claws” and least favourite is “7 years”

[sistersin7]

"This Love", and any and all questions you might want to answer about it! If it's all of them, I won't say no!! (*grabby hands*)

Well... I better start answering, now...

Thank you for asking, @purlturtle. You truly are a lovely human. I hope this sates some of the curiosity, makes sense and doesn't ruin anything...

What inspired you to write the fic this way? >> How does one interpret "this way"?... I'll take it as the timeline - starting with present day, then telling the story of the past year, and ending it 3 years after. The answer - because I'm a manipulative asshole *g*. I wanted the readers to get hooked on the steamy dynamic and keep reading, knowing full well the story is a different kettle of fish. So... Sorry? Not sorry?... (a beta reader suggested, btw, that I started differently, because the start of it felt voyeuristic. While I agree with the observation, I guess I liked that 0 to 100mph start...)

2: What scene did you first put down? >> I honestly don't remember... I started writing it aaages ago... but I suspect it was something smutty. I usually start with affection and smut with intent, then build around it.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? >> "[...] there was at least one day every week that Helena was Myka's and Myka was Helena's, and there was nothing wrong about it at all. It was so absolutely, fucking *right*".

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? >> "I applaud your courage, dear wife, for making a bid for a happiness I can only dream of."

5: What part was hardest to write? >> Chapter 12, when Myka tells Claudia (that's the scathing dialogue I was having with myself in my head, and it was hard to commit it to paper, knowing others will read it), and Chapter 18, when Myka and Helena negotiate (it forced me to think of a desired outcome, which I wasn't ready for).

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics? >> In most fics I write, I'm conducting some kind of thought experiment to help me articulate something. This one... the experiment was very real, and very close to home.

7: Where did the title come from? >> I'm one of those saddos who titles fics with song titles and lyrics... This Love is a Rachel Sermanni song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x367iSdHpx8&list=OLAK5uy_mnNTkuyCcRz1rEYvnytG5h2j2he2QMplc&index=10

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it? >> Yes. While being personal, it's not autobiographical. I've found myself in a situation not dissimilar to that of Myka's at the beginning of the story. The thought experiment was 'when reaching a stalemate in a committed, romantic relationship, what solutions were there, that are not the two extremes [e.g. end the relationship, or ignore my needs]. Was the experiment successful? Yes.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic? >> No. And, compared to most of my fics, this has a relatively small "bin" as well. (The "bin" is a bit at the end of the word doc where I paste all the bits I cut out, because I'm a digital hoarder and I can't let go of things I've crafted, 'just in case'... ;) )

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story? >> Because I'm a manipulative asshole (still) *g*... I wanted myself and the readers to root for the pairing, even though the setting is unusual and taboo, even.

11: What do you like best about this fic? >> The rawness of it, and also, (controversial, but...) the ending. (To all those who read and commented about the lack of "Hollywood Ending", I hear you. We may be cooking up something for you lot. :) )

12: What do you like least about this fic? >> There are choices I've made with words and scenes that I am more judgey of, these days. As a whole, even though I sound entirely full of myself, there's nothing big I dislike about it. It's not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I feel like I've done the best I could with it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading? >> Crikey... I can't recall the details... not only did I write it a long time ago, I spent a good two years writing it, and that usually means a lot of music... I think Rachel Sermanni was on my playlist a lot during that time.

Here's her first album, Under Mountains: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2dLRXR1zwI&list=OLAK5uy_nUd-1DklbMo5hgGc7YE_E0EhPql_vFKao

Here's her second: Tied to the Moon (This Love closes this one): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHE41yXwWxs&list=OLAK5uy_mnNTkuyCcRz1rEYvnytG5h2j2he2QMplc

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic? >> Not something specific. I wanted to take readers on the journey I was going through, and come to their own conclusions (and, if they fancied, to share them). I was hoping we would ask ourselves what we assume about being in a romantic relationship, to ask ourselves about the connection between love and sex, about what happens when there is a lot of one but not enough of the other, and the different perspectives we have within and around us.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic? >> That there are many options in between breaking a relationship up and ignoring our individual needs. That depression is hard. That talking about sex, relationships, fidelity is hard, but - ultimately - worth it.

I hope this made sense.

I hope it didn't ruin anything for you.

I also want to thank all the folks who've read and commented (or read and didn't comment), who came on the journey and made something of it.

I'm not done with the experiment, by the way, so if any of you wish to continue talking through it - ping me (here, or on discord).

Thank you for reading. <3

[oh-three]

1, 4, 7, 8, 12, 17, 18, 25, 27, 28 for the writing asks

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

Calibri (size twelve). The default setting is Arial (size eleven). I never really liked Arial, and Calibri seemed legible enough at a formal level, so I went with it. The first thing I do whenever I open a doc is change the font to that.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

The three 's's- sneer, smirk, and snort. I know that at least a couple of these have negative reputations, but I absolutely love reading and using them in my own writing.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

My deepest joy about writing is making my ideas come to life. Maybe not visibly in the sense of a movie or show, but in a way that I can still see and feel the same way I would any other piece or art.

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

Action, probably. I can still create a lot of angst without it, and angst is quite difficult to do without dialogue!

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

Maybe not a writing wish, but the ability to focus on a project and get through it in a reasonable amount of time. I should have finished part two of the Cobb Vanth series months ago.

The motivation to write, especially after work.

And, most obviously, the time to write. Don't always have that!

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

Since I'm working through the Cobb Vanth WIP and that's what's most prominent on my mind:

Ann- older sister of Jo by several years, almost had a thing with Cobb when they were younger before he pulled away because he feared her safety.

Taanti- protective over the townsfolk, especially their Marshal because those closest to the man know that he never takes care of himself when others' lives are on the line.

Jo- basically Cobb's bestie, age difference and his semi-guardianish responsibility (that he feels) for her aside.

Bray- basically just a coward who'll do whatever he's told, a strange contrast to his near-arrogance as a child. Did not emotionally age well.

Well, that turned into character descriptions.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

He comes to slowly, even while feeling the clear effects of a stim pulsing through his veins. His eyes are already open, stinging; his vision bleary and useless; one of his two stomachs on fire- but all he really feels is the rage roaring through every ounce of his being.

He knows only one name, and it is not his own. He turns what focus he holds in this half-dead state onto that accursed name as he is dragged to safety.

Reva.

from Begrudged, Boiling Blood

After watching Kenobi episode two, I couldn't stop thinking about what the discovery of the incident would look like- from both his and the others' perspectives. Ultimately, I went with his- obviously.

I purposely focused on both ways that he could have survived- the fact that he has two stomachs over just one, and the fact that he is a user of the Dark Side and filled with rage.

I made sure to mention the fact that he was last seen on screen with his eyes open, hence the detail that they're stinging.

In the second paragraph, I put focus both on the disorientation of waking up after his near-death and the rage boiling through him.

And the final line? Hey, it needed to be dramatic.

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

More based on a drawing of a character, but when I think of Vori I see Natalie Portman despite her playing Padme. Here was my reference picture:

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Loktof. Trying to give him dialogue while keeping his dark, brooding gruff vibe is so hard. One of the reasons that he has so little dialogue, personality aside.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Rak. He's just so much fun. His personality, his looks, the fact that I can hear his voice in my head as I assign him lines...He's not explored enough in canon, and being able to do so myself is incredible.

[diah-the-demon]

yeah this really feels like we're somewhere on stage talking into a microphone as people pass by and can listen, but yeah agreed, it feels weird when it's not tumblr skljdlsk

ooh I hope you can go there then!! I've had one in my area for a few years that was star wars, star trek and doctor who focused and it was so much fun,, unfortunately with covid coming around it has ended </3 missing it greatly

and oh no D: yeah unfortunately the kids toys break so easily which surprises me ngl,,, you'd expect kids toys to be a bit more sturdy given that kids will play around with it wildly and ksljdslk omg that sounds adorable ngl!! I think I know which masks you mean, I still see kids wearing them every now and then around halloween or carnival

yeah,,, I've gottten a tiny bit better by now (and by that I mean: I will get it but feel bad about it instead of not getting it and feeling sad about that klsjdlsk) I hope you'll eventually get better with it as well! it's so sad how much stuff like this can linger on your brain TT-TT

yeah I think it said 7 more days, so I hope I'll have enough time bcs her shedule changed and now she's at work so I can't ask her TT-TT hopefully it'll last til the weekend when we could order it (if she says yes skldjslk I doubt she wouldn't but still skjdlsk)

okay, yeah, your bookshelf is definitely already cool! But yeah the helmets are going to make it even better, no matter where exactly they will be placed klsdjl

yeah you coudl probably figure it out on your own once you get the basics, even if it is for another set of armor at first! With the basic understanding that should definitely be doable!!

and hmm, I've not build armor yet myself (will have to do so eventually tho,,, I wanna cosplay one of HI3 Himekos battlesuits after all ksjdsl) but it does already sound like a solid idea!! but yeah until you know if it works or not you have an idea at least so that's a good start!

yeah im still not used to it but i think its quite nice to have smth like a constant conversation like this thats lasted almost a full day now jdsljkds, i think its a nice change of pace jdsklkjds

hopefully i can get there when its being held! im not sure when it happens each year but il look that up later and see if i can find dates (hopefully im not gonna be busy when it happens dsjlkkdsj) and awww that sucks, i hope they come back eventually it would suck if it died off forever </3

yeah idk why they were so fragile, they weren't big so i think they were probably childrens sized ones that we had, it doesnt make much sense to expect kids to not hit 2 lightsabers together in a duel like come on

IT WAS! i dont think i have any pictures of it sadly </3 i wouldnt have even had a phone yet probably i think so pictures would probably be on my mums phone

the mask was so cool, it even had a voice changer in it! it was fucking awesome, when you breathed it would replace it with the darth vader breathing sound AND it would even make you sound like vader when you spoke!! idk how something from when i was a kid was able to do something like that but it was awesome. sadly the voice changer in it died a while ago, it still slightly worked but not consistently last time i put it on D:

yeah hopefully we both fully get over it eventually, i probably start to until either her or i move out, but yeah its so weird how it stick in your head so long, i need to refresh my brain so i can get it out lkdsjdjsl

dont want to make you feel like you need to do it sooner but it said 7 days yesterday and also today.. i didnt check how long it was when i bought my stuff (i bought the stuff on the 5th) but it might've been 7 days still.. altho i guess by the weekend it would still be 7 days after that.. hopefully it is still on by the time you talk to her!! (just checked and it might be going on until they completely sell out?? its a clearance sale so maybe? idk id probably do it sooner rather than later just incase tho)

Oh btw when you do place your order they will email you to verify the card (send a picture of the last 4 digits to confirm. It is a little bit sus but ive seen no one say this one is a scam so i dont think it is, plus they cant rlly do much with only the last 4 digits)

thank you!! it will def look so much cooler when i get the helmets in! still need to figure out where i can put the 2 extras apart from ontop of the bookshelf cause too many on there doesnt seem too good idk

yeah that sounds like the plan il do for this, try the basics, might try doing clone trooper armour to begin with if its not harder than mandalorian cause il have captain rex's helmet! imagine a female clone trooper tho that'd be so cool (totally not so i can check out her tits shush jdskls, i mean there was a female clone of jango but she isnt a trooper, and is a child since i dont think she had the accelerated growth the others did? idk not that caught up in that bit of lore)

i think its probably what they are going to say to do, i doubt they would stitch/pin it right to the bodysuit cause that would be a pain to take off (imagine having to go to the toilet after putting it on that would be so annoying to take off skdjdslkj) if it all goes well il share the progress so you can take some tips on building the armour for himeko jlsdkdjs!!

[sophocused]

tw toxic dad // my own title for this episode: "Really? Over a dinner party that you won't even be around for?": A very not Happy Father's Day to every Sh*** Dad Out there

this one ends well bc I handled myself bc I've dealt with this too long that they are losing more and more power over me and how grand my emotional reactions are to their actions.

NYEHEHE the funniest thing happened yesterday. So quick prequel rundown is that I already got my mom's approval to host a reunion dinner party of potentially up to 14 of my closer girl friends set for two weeks from now. Big key detail: dad will be at work when it starts and ends so he is not really in the equation. Haven't hosted a party or birthday party in years bc duh the pandemic.

Now that we know that, I was sharing my updated regarding who is confirmed to come to the dinner party and what they're bringing, to our little family "groupchat" (that has honestly been a terrible asset for them to also be poor communicators). And dad said no. No asking about what kind of party it will be. There was no asking what time it would be held, it was just, "No." over and over.

Initially, just annoyed at him at his once again terrible attempt at being a "father" idk trying to assert dominance over the house or whatever, I'm no longer that child or young adult that breaks down at the thought of my father saying no to something important to me. Lol. If you want to not communicate, fine let's not communicate. I thought to myself, so I left the groupchat.

My sister, who was with me in the living room, tells me he was now spouting things like,

STILL NO!

And leave the house too!

Get out!

My reaction? I scoffed, bc I felt fine. I'm not leaving this house as they so badly want me to stay so that they still have control over me, and have me on a GPS tracking app, have a say in how often I see my partner, have a say in what time I get home on a weekday (8pm btw), or always say something about my "lack of proactivity" in the house. I'm going to take as much of their money as I can that I would be spending on rent, to at least get the shelter and food they are obligated to provide, and that I'm entitled to since I didn't even ask to be here.

I ordered pizza. Ignored whatever he's raving about in the groupchat. Talked shit about him out loud with my sister to really get it off my chest at least. He was at work, what's he gonna do? Lol. I ranted that he no longer deserves my true emotions, my true reactions, my true sincerity, or really any of my true authentic self. He honestly never has. He lost that right 14 years ago (I'm 23 btw), but it's only finally catching up to me, how I should really feel, how I should really see him.

I relished in the feeling of what I was about to do, make him look like a fool. Make him see he's the one overreacting, he's the stubborn one.

After a good hour of talking to my sister with this newfound clarity that I don't owe him reciprocated drama or energy, I asked her to add me back to the groupchat, where I promptly apologized *giggles in head* and that I understand it is "his house" and that I will take care of the location of my dinner party.

He immediately felt embarassed for his own reaction, and started now communicating for a middle ground with my party. It was too late though, my sister and I had the idea to host it in a hotel room instead. I just said, "I will take care of it. This is your house and your space."

I wanted to dig in the words he said, back at him. Because he made it clear, that I am just some intruder and freeloader of his space and his house. I have not also been living hear for 6-7 years to make it my own shared space. And it filled me with a lot of relief. Why relief? Because one of the last messages he said was, "One day when you have your own house, you'll understand."

The classic, One day, that they have used to forbid me from doing many healthy developmental activities as a kid or teenager or young adult. The words he said about, "You don't practice or prepare to be a parent. When the kid is born, it is automatic." just last week, they echoed in my head because how can someone lack so much self-awareness that he played a large part of the almost irreparable damage to my mental.

I was relieved because just two days ago, as I have been actually for months and a year now, I was discussing with my partner HOW we would move in together within the year without our very conservative, Catholic/Christian families coming for our necks. I was planning all kinds of elaborate things, like getting a civil marriage first so that our families would not be able to say a thing about us moving in together, "before marriage".

But what my dad did, on record, in the groupchat, has given me some leverage, that if I announce that I am moving out once I've graduated in February 2023, with a BSc majoring in Biology and Microbiology, and also a year and counting of lab technician experience on my belt. My partner is thankfully making enough money that we could live comfortably in a house that's like $300-380k CAD.

So, yes dad, one day I will "understand". And that one day, is less than 365 days from now, and you just made it that much easier to keep my one foot out the door.

They say women have a huge huge huge tolerance and threshold for uhhh bull, but that once they've reaches the max point, because there is one, there is no going back from that. Family is not still family. You don't always have to forgive your family. I don't have to and I sure as hell am well past wanting to be the one feeling fully responsible to keep as much of our relationship intact in the last months I live here.

And so, I carried on with my night with my sister, watching a show with some pizza we split ordered.

At around 11pm, dad suddenly messages again in the chat, to apologize.

I just knew, "I bet mom grilled the f**k out of him in a private chat".

Sister guessed, "Well maybe he actually grew a little after reading it over and seeing how he was behaving."

Our mom comes home less than an hour later, in a silly goofy mood, saying, "I lectured your dad. What he said was unacceptable."

I burst out laughing because I knew there was no way he came to that conclusion himself. Sometimes, on rare occasions, one parent is slightly less toxic than the other. I think it's because our mom can see how close we are to leaving, we're making our plans and we will make them happen.

Anyway, the End. I'm gna go play my hyperfixation game that is Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town.

[tpwkjerii]

strawberry kisses

you and felix have a longstanding tradition of baking the day after finals. usually, it’s the best method of relaxing after long hours of studying. unfortunately, you find yourself rather tense this time — after all, it’s always fun to spend an entire day in a cramped kitchen with your crush, isn’t it?

pairing: lee felix x reader

warnings: fluff and kissing, mild angst, reader likes strawberries (sorry if you’re allergic skdlsd), ex boyfriend (but supportive bestie) minho, reader has low self confidence :(, like two curse words, kisses!!

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda idiots to lovers, mutual pining

word count: 2.9k+

a/n: short fic for Felix hehe

Your eyes glazed over as you reviewed the last response of your final exam of the term. After two long hours of plugging equations you hardly understood into your nearly-dead calculator and speed-writing to the point where you’re sure you’ve bruised your dominant hand, you finally finished. At lightning speed, you gathered your exam papers and submitted them at the front with a quick prayer to the universe.

A few other students followed your rushed pace out of the large lecture hall, all of you eager to finally get out of the stuffy room.

As you stepped out of the packed hall and into the cooling outdoors, you checked your phone, which was filled with texts from the one person you were trying desperately to get out of your head (and miserably failing at that).

felix (strawberry head) <3

5:23 PM

did you finish your chem final ???

hyunjin and i just submitted our video for our dance performance

your editing was very good btw :D

5:35 PM

y/nnnnn you’re taking forever :(

we’re waiting at the quad for you !!

5:40 PM

*i am waiting at the quad for you

the others got too hungry and left, but i’m waiting for you!

pls hurry it’s cold :[

You bit back a laugh at his texts, his heartwarming tone filling you with a familiar fuzzy feeling. You pushed the feeling aside as you texted a reply.

y/n

5:43 PM

be there in 2 :D

You stifled a smile as you rushed towards the quad. Soon enough, you saw Felix and his bright, red-dyed hair (you first noted that it closely resembled a strawberry). The moment your eyes met his, you felt your heart skip a beat and heat spread across your face. This was the common reaction you’ve had for the past few months whenever you see Felix.

He rushed over to you with a giddy smile and his arms outstretched. Quickly, he barrelled into you and pulled you into a tight embrace.

“You took so long,” he whined, his chest vibrating as he spoke.

“I know, I know. ‘M sorry,” you responded, your voice slightly muffled by his shirt. You took a second to enjoy his hold and the comforting warmth that Felix always provided you whenever he was near. Over the past few years, you’ve grown accustomed to the scent of his sweet floral perfume, the feeling of his tight hugs, and the way he played with your fingers when he was bored.

All the things you were fond of were now extreme nuisances in your life. Not because they were annoying or because you disliked Felix, but rather the complete opposite; you were completely, helplessly, and foolishly in love with him.

“You ready to go?” Felix asked suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. He brought his arms down from around you, and you looked down at the ground as you nodded, hoping that he didn’t see the intense blush that was spreading from your face to your neck.

You are so fucked for tomorrow.

After an entire night of tossing and turning in anxiety, the next day finally arrived. To say you were nervous was a massive understatement.

The minute you woke up, you began to anxiously clean your apartment while your roommate Ryujin laughed at you. As you wiped down every visible crevice, she made sure to pester you about a “missed spot” or tempt you with sweets.

“You’ve never cleaned this much whenever Felix came over before,” she pointed out with a laugh while you wiped down the kitchen counters for the fourth time.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice uncharacteristically high-pitched.

Ryujin scoffed. “It is so obvious that you like Felix, there’s no point in lying to me,” she stated bluntly.

Your hand froze mid-wipe on the counter. You looked over at your blue-haired roommate nervously. “Is it really… that obvious?”

“Yes,” she deadpanned.

You winced and dropped your head onto the smooth stone countertop. “Do you think he’s noticed?” you moaned into your arms.

“If he hasn’t, I will personally pay for his glasses prescription.”

You whined again as you lifted your head up to look directly at Ryujin. “If he’s noticed then why hasn’t he said anything?”

She stood up as she answered, ��Not sure but you could always ask him today.”

Your mouth dropped in horror at the suggestion. “I can’t tell him how I feel! That would completely ruin our friendship!”

“So you’d rather continue tip-toeing around him and never get a clear answer?” she questioned, her arms crossed.

“Yes.”

Ryujin sighed and started to collect her things. “You can do whatever you want,” she started as she placed her papers in her backpack, “but I recommend you tell him soon.” She stood up and headed for the door. Just before opening it and leaving you alone with your thoughts until Felix arrived, she turned around and said, “I won’t be home until late, have fun.” With that, she winked and walked out of your shared apartment.

You scoffed at her suggestive tone and stood upright to check the time.

10:08 AM

You gasped. Felix said he was going to arrive at 10:30, but knowing him he would be at least 15 minutes early, meaning you only had 7 minutes to get yourself together!

You cursed and rushed to your bedroom. Switching out of your wrinkled pajamas, you opted for a random hoodie you grabbed out of your closet and jeans. After you changed, you made a beeline for the bathroom and fixed your appearance. You quickly brushed through your hair and washed your face, hoping you removed all remnants of your restless sleep.

Just as you predicted, you heard four distinctive knocks on your front door right at 10:15.

“Coming!” you exclaimed as you rushed out of your bathroom.

Right before you opened the front door, you placed a hand on your beating heart and mumbled words of encouragement to yourself. Then, after deciding that you were probably taking too long, you pulled the door open.

Immediately, Felix, covered in a large hoodie and arms filled with large bags of baking ingredients, greeted you with a large grin. Like every other time, you felt your heart skip a beat when you made eye contact with him.

“Hi,” you said simply, a smile on your face.

“Hi,” he responded. He looked you up and down, asking, “Are you wearing my hoodie?” 

You paled and looked down at the large pink hoodie, immediately recognizing it as the one that Felix lent you almost one year ago when he dropped you off at the airport since you forgot yours in the car. Once you got back from your trip, you’d forgotten to give it back to him.

“O-oh,” you stuttered, looking down at the oversized sleeves. “I didn’t even realize,” you continued awkwardly. “You can ha -”

“It’s fine,” he cut you off, the smile never leaving his face. He shrugged. “You look better in it anyways.”

Your mouth dropped and you found yourself unable to respond for a few moments. Felix laughed at your dumbfoundedness and gently pushed you aside to walk into the apartment. Once he set the bags down on the kitchen counters, you returned to your senses and closed the door to walk over to him.

“So, what are we making today?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as level as possible. It wasn’t an easy task to do, considering his proximity to you.

You held your breath as he grabbed your hands and looked into your eyes. “What’s your favorite fruit?” he asked excitedly.

“Er, strawberries?” you answered, tilting your head to the side in mild confusion.

At that, Felix let go of your hands and quickly pulled out a carton of fresh strawberries from one of the bags. You gasped in delight at the sight of the bright fruit and immediately thanked him.

“It’s no big deal,” he responded while sliding the fruits into the fridge. “I’m gonna eat most of the tarts and choco strawberries anyways,” he added with a sneaky laugh.

You scoffed. “You always say that but you always end up giving me the most.” You smirked at him while taking out the baking materials.

“I don’t give it to you,” he countered. “You steal them.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you told him with a sing-song tone. He laughed from your side, and you swore that you heard actual sparkles, as if he were a fairy, when he did.

You cleared your throat, hoping to rid your mind of distracting thoughts that could be potential problems during the next seven hours that Felix would be at your apartment. “So, master chef Felix,” you started, lowering your voice like a TV show announcer. “What are you going to do first?”

“Well, my fair announcer,” he began, holding up the silicon whisk like a microphone. “I think we should start with preparing the shortbread dough, what about you?”

“Ah, you are the chef. Lead the way,” you responded with a wide smile.

You both laughed together and actually began the baking. Like usual, Felix did most of the work while you played music and assisted from the side. You worked together seamlessly, and soon enough the shortbread cookies were done and strawberry jam cooling to the side.

While you taste-tested the jam, Felix began to whisk the melted chocolate, and you took this time to admire him. You stood at his side, allowing you to admire his side profile.

Felix was easily one of the most beautiful individuals you ever laid your eyes on. But his appearance wasn’t the only part you fell for — he was one of the few people whose inside beauty matched their outside beauty.

Felix was kind, funny, optimistic, and just about every positive adjective you could find in a dictionary. After every failed test, he was there with a cup of strawberry ice cream and a shoulder to cry on. When you landed your first job, he was there to celebrate with you even when your own family wasn’t. And when you and Minho mutually broke up, he was there to give you advice as you coped with the end of your first relationship.

How could you not fall for him?

And sometimes you had the feeling that he liked you back. The touches that would linger for just a few seconds too long, the soft smiles that Chan claimed he only ever gave to you, and his late-night texts all spurned a tiny hopeful fire in you that kept your crush alive.

No matter how many times you tried to get over him and convince yourself that your crush didn’t exist, the tiny voice in your head still spoke. “But what if he likes you back?”

Now, as Felix stood by your side with a soft smile on his face while he whisked the chocolate, that voice screamed louder than ever.

And just as you gained a sliver of courage, the same paralyzing thoughts that have held you back for the past few months returned.

Felix was out of your league in every way. He was social and easily commanded the attention of an entire room with so much as two words. His outward beauty matched his insides, and everyone on campus reached a collective agreement that if angels ever existed and walked among us — Lee Felix was certainly one of them.

And those things were only the tip of the iceberg that is Felix. He was talented, sensitive, supportive, passionate, and everything you could ever ask for and then some.

You then thought back to all the people he rejected - kindly, of course - and how you matched up to them. If Felix didn’t choose to go out with all those beautiful and talented people, what on Earth made you think you would choose you?

At this point, Felix picked up on your sudden silence and how your breaths grew heavy and uneven.

“Are you… alright?” he asked carefully, his own chest beating heavily.

You stared at him, panicked that he caught onto your apprehension. “Um…” you started, trailing off as you met his gaze.

Felix let go of the whisk and grabbed your hands. “You can say whatever you need to.”

“I uh,” you started after a few moments, internally battling yourself to gain courage as you realized that it’s now or never. “I kinda like you,” you admitted quietly, looking down at your intertwined hands anxiously. You waited for him to pull his hand away in disgust and start to kindly reject you like he did to all those other people, but it never came. After a few seconds, his hands still the entire time, you looked up at him with glassy eyes in confusion.

“What?” he finally said, his deep voice softer than ever.

You looked back down at your hands shamefully. “Do I really have to repeat it?” you asked weakly. “I like you, Felix. I have for the past few months and it’s been driving me insane because it feels like my heart’s about to stop dead whenever I see you and I can never think straight when you’re with me. Apparently, it’s been pretty obvious and I really tried my best to get over it so it wouldn’t hurt our friendship.

“Trust me, I really wanted to get over it but I couldn’t, and I know you don’t like me back so it’s ok. I can deal with it on my own and you can just leave a -”

“Y/N,” Felix said suddenly, his voice firm. You looked up, tears rolling down your face as you were sure that he was about to reject you.

“Felix please don’t interrupt me. At least let me finish what I have to say,” you pleaded softly, removing your hands from his.

“Y/N,” he repeated, his voice much gentler. He carefully wiped the tears from your face and took your hands into his again. “Can I say something before you finish?” he requested.

You choked back a sob as you nodded, certain that he was just going to let you down kindly.

“I like you too, Y/N,” he said shyly, a blush spreading across his freckled face.

Your entire body froze.

“I was too scared to admit it because I didn’t think you liked me back,” he continued, the words slowly registering in your mind. “To be honest, I thought you still liked Minho.”

You blushed at his words, thinking back to all the times you would pull Minho, your ex-boyfriend, to the side to talk about Felix these past few months. You didn’t realize how it must have looked to Felix or your other friends.

“I was also… afraid of ruining our friendship, so I’ve just kept it to myself the past two years.”

You gaped at him. “Two years?” you sputtered, causing him to laugh at the way your eyes widened comically. “That’s when we first started uni!”

He shrugged. “What can I say? I was instantly attracted to the way you fought Chan on why you should be allowed to keep the minifridge in your dorm,” he joked.

You blushed at the embarrassing memory, although it wasn’t completely regrettable as it was how you met most of your current friends — including Felix.

“I’m surprised,” you voiced simply. “I didn’t think you would ever like me back.” You breathed out, your muscles relaxing instantly.

Felix grinned again and he moved slowly to envelop you in his arms. He rested his hands on the small of your back and his head on the crook of your shoulder.

“Does this mean that I can take you out on a date?” he whispered.

“Will you promise to stop taking unflattering pictures of me and sending them to me in the middle of the night?” you asked, your head resting against his and arms around him.

He sighed. “Fine,” he answered reluctantly with a whine.

“Then sure,” you responded and pulled your head back to meet his eyes. His eyes shined from the sunlight pouring through the windows and his freckles glimmered like stars across a canvas. Felix was truly beautiful inside and out.

“You have some strawberry jam on your lip,” he said after a few silent moments where you both admired each other.

“Really?” you asked. Your hand moved from his back towards your face, but Felix caught your hand in midair and returned it to its original position.

“I’ll get it,” he murmured with a gentle smile before closing the distance between your lips.

You held your breath as he pressed his soft lips against yours. You instantly recognized the strawberry chapstick he uses and the taste of the shortbread cookies. He swiped his tongue against the corner of your lip, and the sudden sensation caused a shiver to run down your spine.

You brought your hand up to his hair and gently tugged at his dyed locks. Felix brought you closer to him and massaged your back as he deepened the kiss.

When you finally pulled away, your face was burning red and you were completely breathless. Felix was smiling giddily, his arms still around yours.

“I think there’s still some jam left,” he told you, not even giving you a second to respond before he pressed his lips against yours once again. This kiss was much more playful than the last as you giggled against each other in the kiss.

“Did you get it all?” you asked him, your voice reduced to a murmur as he continued kissing your lips.

He hummed, kissing you once and twice in between, before responding, “I don’t think so.”

You laughed against his lips. “Well, I guess you better get it all. I can’t have strawberries stuck on my lips all day.”

He laughed with you, and true to his words, he eventually did get all the strawberry jam off (an extra two hours and an uncountable amount of kisses later).

[sollannaart]

Some books about Napoleonic era...

... and not only it

And now, my dear friends, let me share with you a little bit about the books about Napoleonic era I read recently (and long ago as well ;) Because, you know, thanks to you I discovered a lot of interesting books and articles, so I feel obliged to do something for you in return.

And though almost all I read is in Polish, I was able to collect a set of books which are available in English (or French).

So, let’s go!

1. The book I would like to start with is “Napoleon and the women” written by  Frédéric Masson. Frankly speaking, I read this one long long ago, just - as far as I remember - after watching “Napoleon and Josephine” TV series. And now, having stumbled upon another Masson’s book (see below) I suddenly recalled this one. (And decided to start with it, because it was in kinda first one of the publications which introduced me into that epoch ))).

2. The second book (the very same I have finished reading just this month) of Masson I would like to recommend you is Napoleon at home. Really interesting book, with a lot of details about the emperor’s usual life, thanks to which I was able to look at him and see not only as a military commander and the head of the state, but a human being also.

3. Continuing the topic of Napoleon’s private life - there is a book from Guy Breton’s series Histoires d'amour de l'histoire de France, devoted to it (in fact, there are even two books there, the second one is called Napoleon and Marie-Louise).

Btw, I read all the books from the series and, frankly speaking, some of them looked rather like collections of anecdotes. But, nevertheless, it was kinda fun to read them.

4. Daily life in France under Napoleon by Jean Robiquet. Just one of the books I read recently. But it was about our favorite epoch (and it was in English), so... 

5. La Victoire de la Grande Armée (the English title approximately should sound like “The victory of the Grand Army”, but I am not sure whether it was translated to it, I read it in Polish) by Valéry Giscard d'Estaing. Well, this will be the only fiction in this list of mine. And the only book about which I can’t much good, but... Yes, there are a lot of historical discrepancies there (like Poniatowski and Grouchy being marshals already in 1812, and prince Józef’s second name as Aleksander instead of Antoni), and the protagonist ( a general named François Beille) is a complete Marty-Stew, but... But to have a “universe” where Napoleon wins in 1812 and Poniatowski isn’t killed, even it is fiction - this meant a lot to me.

6. From Napoleon let’s move to Talleyrand. The latest biography of him I read was Talleyrand. The Art of Survival by Jean Orieux. And, frankly speaking, it was the best from all I read about prince of Benevento. Some of the rest book about him, however, were in English, so for those who are interested, I am giving below their titles:

Joseph McCabe, Talleyrand: A biographical Study

David Lawday, Napoleon's Master, A Life of Prince Talleyrand

Duff Cooper, Talleyrand

7.  And from one of the famous diplomats of the French history let’s move to the history of diplomacy itself. A couple of years ago I read (in Polish) the book written by Nicolas Mietton on the topic of “Erotic history of the French diplomacy”. Not that there was much about Napoleon (though there was a chapter devoted to Talleyrand), but some facts about Louis the XVI were kinda revelation for me.

8. From the books about France let’s move to ones about Poland. This one, on the topic of The Duchy of Warsaw, written by professor Jarosław Czubaty, was initially published, as you might have guessed, in Polish. But it later was translate to English, and that is why I am able now to sincerely recommend it to you. (@historyman101 , might it be of your interest?)

9. And the last but not the least is the book about the Polish history in whole. Its name is God’s Playground (”Boże igrzysko” in Polish), and it is also available in English, because Norman Davies, its author, is British (and a great polonophile ;))

PS. O, how could I forget this?

10. Prince Józef Poniatowski, Pepi’s biography written by Szymon Askenazy, one of the famous Polish historians of Napoleonic era, was also translated to French, English and even German.

[kahlsflannel]

The Summer

Part One: Mr.Rogers

Summary: (Y/N) (L/N) lives with her parents at their exquisite mansion, tucked away somewhere in the midsts of Michigan. Summers are always dull, and usually spent by her lonesome. However, when her parents invite a few choice friends from college to spend the season with the family, (Y/N) gets the chance to meet good ole Steve Rogers, and realizes this summer isn't going to be like any others.

SERIES WARNINGS: age gap (reader is 18, Steve is 40.) eventual smut

CHAPTER WARNINGS: none, except for hot Steve Rogers.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (Modern!AU)

Word Count: 1,500

A/N: Hi hi hi. My hiatus is technically still going but I had this idea and wrote 1,500 words and my brain is still going brrr so please enjoy. Btw, the Steve in this is based of Infinity War Steve. Big man. Beefy man. Wow. Anyways, I hope you enjoy <3

Summer heat was always her least favorite. As she neared the lake house, a humid gust of the wind blew upon the nape of her neck, wetting the small baby hairs, sticking them to her skin. She hated it. Hated all that came with the season. Scolded the wasps as they bounded around the fruit trees, dipping their sharp bottoms into the dainty flowers, pink like soft flesh flushed with blood. Summer typically brought nothing but toughened soles and dinner parties, lonely nights and cold waters. Summer was her least favorite. She hated how her birthday feel right at the end of the spring, catapulting her into being grown during the quiet lull of the year. Eighteen was a strange age. It carried a heavy weight upon its brow, giving all the responsibilities of a seasoned adult without the years of tiresome experience. She compared to a game of dice, rolling and rolling, hoping to get the right numbers, but usually coming out plain wrong, and having to try and try again until fingers became nimble enough to angle the squared pieces in the right way.

Shoes pressed into the thick, muddy sand by the murky waters of her father's prized lake. It spanned across their property, hosting a family of mallards and several types of game fish that her father would brag about during events, pointing to taxidermied trout plastered on the wall of their dining room as he went on about how many swam the depths of the body outside. She had never cared for fishing, finding it tedious and tiring. She also despided the idea of prying a barbed hook from the mouth of a fish, just to release it and let its blood pollute the waters. Alas, she came from a family of hunters and fishermen, so she was not spared the sights she so greatly detested. As she looked across the rippling surface, her name was called in the all too cheery voice of her mother, who was making her way over.

"(Y/N), the guests are here," she said happily, eager for the distraction from her crippling marriage. Her father was always a little more kind when others were around. He replaced his typical cold demeanor with soft eyes and kisses to her mother's cheeks, pleasantries he often refused to offer. The younger girl nodded, a tight lipped smile shot towards the woman as she allowed her mother's soft hand to find a place on the small of her back and lead her towards the main house. A large black SUV was parked in front, the driver stepping out from the front to open the backdoor. Out stepped a woman with auburn hair, the color of a burning log. Her eyes latched onto (Y/N)'s own, making her blink quickly as the dark green irises seemed to burn a hole into her. Her attention was quickly diverted to the other door opening on it's own, followed by a large frame filling her vision.

Broad shoulders pressed against some kind of silk fabric that stretched over obviously toned muscles. The white sleeves were rolled half way up his arms, showing off his tanned forearms, which were decorated by soft blonde hairs and what she assumed to be an expensive watch, looking similar to her father's Rolex. Her eyes travelled up, landing on his face. She quickly realized he was by far the most attractive man she had ever laid eyes upon. His jaw was hidden under a well manicured beard, and his eyes were left under sunglasses, some designer's name branded harshly onto the side. His hair was swept back, held in place by some sort of product, but lacked the typical shine of a gel. He was stunning and (Y/N) almost didn't register she was being spoken to by her mother.

"Why don't we show the guests to their rooms? You can take Mr.Rogers to the one beside yours and I'll name Ms. Romanoff to the one by my own. We'll meet back in the dining room for dinner in around," her mother lifted her arm, glancing at the watch face before continuing, "half an hour?" Suddenly, she started speaking to the guests. "Welcome welcome! Natasha! it's been so long." The auburn woman smiled, extending her arms to receive a hug. The pair began talking, and (Y/N) figured she was supposed to welcome the man. She took in a deep breath before walking over towards him. He was leaned cooly against the car, large hands holding his phone in one and large bottle of wine in the other.

"Excuse me," (Y/N) piped up, feeling small under the sudden gaze directed at her. "Hello," she continued, fishing a smile onto her features. He returned it, allowing her to talk. "I'm (Y/N) (L/N), it's nice to meet you." She extended her hand, a courtesy she was taught young. He quickly shoved his phone into his front pocket and offered his own hand.

"Steve Rogers," he spoke, his voice a sweet timber. She blinked slow, taking in the feeling of his hand as he shook her own. Once disconnected, he drew up the same hand to push his glasses onto the crown of his head and handed her the bottle of wine, the label telling her it was an icon level red. She was suddenly sad she wasn't able to drink yet, always enjoying the bitter smell of the liquid. She thanked him quickly before furthering their conversation.

"I'm usually familiar with our guests. Can I ask how you know my parents?" She questioned, watching as he moved to grab his suitcase out of the back of the car. Her mother and Natasha, as she recalled, had already made their way inside, leaving the pair alone. As she led him into the house, he began speaking.

"I went to college with your father. That was, wow," he paused at the entryway, shaking his head before continuing, "That was over 20 years ago. Well before you were here." He shot her a smile. She nodded, giving him a small grin back as she handed the bottle of wine to the kitchen maid who greeted her from the entryway.

"I see. My father's been having a lot of old college friends here lately. Your room is upstairs, by the way. Do you need any help with your luggage?" she asked, not sure of where to take the conversation. He shook his head once more, picking up the suitcase by the handle with ease.

"No thank you, sweetheart. I've got it," he spoke easily. "You lead the way, I'll follow you." It was her turn to nod. She moved up the stairs easily, from many years of practice, and led him to the twist of the hall. Her room, the second guest room, and a bathroom were placed obscured from sight, tucked into a lonely corridor at the far left of the house. She had always enjoyed the privacy, her room far enough away from her parents that she could blare music as loud as she wanted and only disturb the cracks of her walls.

Once at the door of the room he would be staying, she twisted the knob to revel the space. her mother took pride in the looks of the guest rooms, insisting that they make the rooms just as nice as their own. A large bed filled the middle of the space, as well as two lounge chairs situated beside a table at the window. A hand carved entertainment unit hosted a television, and the floor was decorated with a large shag rug. All the linens and laces were white, and matched the walls.

"Alright, this is you. I'm right next door if you need anything. I sometimes play music a little loud, so if it ever bothers you, just let me know and I'll turn it down. Your closet is through that door by the bed, and the bathroom is across the hall." She was speaking fast, aware of his breath on her neck as he surveyed the space from behind her.

"Perfect, thank you so much, sweetheart. Show me around the rest of the place later, will ya?" She nodded, looking up at him before removing herself from the room. Questions were pounding her head as she watched him set his suitcase gently onto the duvet.

"Do..do you need anything else from me?" she asked, not wanting to be a rude host out of fear of her mother.

"I don't think so. When is dinner? I'd like to get the airport smell off me before we eat," he said, tugging a bag of toiletries out of the large space.

"Oh, at 7:30. That's when we alway eat," she spoke, moving back so he could exit the room.

"Perfect. I'll meet you all down there then. It was nice meeting you, (Y/N)." He spoke her name gently, held the letters on his tongue in a distinguished way. Not in the typical condescending manner of her father's other friends.

"You too, Mr.Rogers," she said, looking up at him through her lashes. He smiled, glancing over his shoulder as he entered the bathroom.

"Just call me Steve, sweetheart."

[insertdeeplyrics]

On the ending of Supernatural

Hi, I’ve never actually posted anything on Tumblr of my own creation (I mostly reblog stuff), but I’ve just seen the ending of Supernatural, and given that this is where I’ve been fed my SPN content, it felt right to share my thoughts here. I’m sure nobody is going to read this, but whatever, I just need to get this out of my chest. Sorry in advance if this is too long, but I have to type this out if I want to move on.

I still need to take some time to process everything that’s happened, because it is a lot. I did have my hopes up for the finale, thinking that Cas would at least show up, but like many of the fans, I was let down.

So I guess that would be the first issue I had with the episode. Regardless of what Dean felt towards Cas, if he reciprocated his feelings or not (which he totally did, I mean, we have all been watching the same show for 12 fucking years, and if you don’t believe me, there are plenty of metas that would support this statement), he still is his best friend and it doesn’t sit right with me the fact that he doesn’t even try to find a way to rescue Cas from the Empty. And okay, maybe he didn’t, make Cas got resurrected by Jack, then why the hell wasn’t he on the final episode? He was a pivotal character for the series, I mean, the proof is in the ratings: Season 7, when he was killed off to apparently never return, the ratings were at their lowest. The show may have started as just Dean and Sam, but over the years it became much bigger than them, and it is so disappointing that the show runners failed to acknowledge it. But I’ll get back to this point later.

Okay, I need to talk about Dean’s death, the only part of the episode that made me cry, because my poor baby had to suffer so much! Like, when he started saying that Sam never put up with John’s crap (which reinforces my headcanon that John was abusive towards the boys) and how much he admired him for it, my heart just shattered. I just love Dean Winchester so freaking much, and they did him so dirty... Don’t get me wrong, Jensen and Jared’s acting was 10/10, like, I thought I had a grip of myself and then Sam started crying and tears came back to my eyes. Nonetheless, I felt that the scene was so freaking long! I mean, Dean was dying, and he had time to make a 10 minutes-long speech! C’mon! Also, I get that Sam and Dean’s relationship is quite deep and strong and whatever, but I felt a bit unconformable watching it: it didn’t feel like a brotherly goodbye, more like a lover’s one. They were too touchy and intimate, and, overall, their relationship from this point on was coded as a romantic one, in my opinion. And Chuck, did I hate it! I have an older brother and I know what it is like to be close to your sibling and to love him more than anything else in the world, but the way they portrayed their relationship on this last episode felt incest-y, which makes me believe that this scene was originally written with another character in mind (cough CAS cough) or the writers don’t know the difference between romantic and brotherly love. To finish off, the way they killed off Dean??? I mean, I did expect Dean to die, but this was such a horrible and ridiculous way to go... I would have accepted it if he died actually fighting, but impaled??? After all he’s been through, after fighting so many demons, angels and deities, that’s how he dies??? That just felt cheap and rushed. Dean did not deserve that ending and I refuse to accept it. In fact, I refuse to acknowledge the existence of this whole fucking mess of an episode. Also, I just can’t believe that no one showed up to Dean’s funeral. I just can’t. I get that maybe it was difficult to bring in a lot of actors due to the pandemic, but they could have added them on post-production...

Next, we have Sam’s ending. He quits hunting and finally obtains his white-picket fence life. I did like the fact that he honored all of his friends and family that he lost along the way, especially Dean. Like, yes, if my brother died, I would like to keep a token (don’t know if that’s the actual word for it, my first language is not English), to have something with me that reminded me of him and to have him with me wherever I go. And I did like that he named his son Dean, in honor of his brother. However, we don’t know how he met his wife, we don’t even know who she is. They set up Sameileen for what?? Like, Sam and Eileen deserved better, tbh. And, again, even with Covid restrictions they could have done something to signal that Sam got married to Eileen, you don’t need the actor there. In fact, we never actually found out what happened to her, and just like I can’t believe that Dean didn’t even try to save Cas from the Empty, I can’t believe that Sam didn’t reach out to Eileen. Furthermore, the montage with his son felt cheap and a way to try to appeal to the audience’s emotions... (Btw, as a side note, the grey wig and the glasses, my god, they did Jared dirty 😂😂). But it wasn’t doing it for me, I didn’t care much for the kid, and while I do believe that was always going to be Sam’s ending, I didn’t like how it was executed.

And the worst part of it all: that suuuuuper long scene with Dean driving in Heaven, waiting for Sam. They could have used that time to show something more meaningful, even to develop a bit more Sam’s new life, how he adjusted to domesticity and fatherhood and all that crap. Or, I don’t know, A TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 REUNION??? And I guess this is my biggest issue with the whole episode. I get it, Sam and Dean are the central characters, the ones that started it all, but family don’t end with blood, and they were not the only ones who deserved a goodbye. They had formed so many bonds and friendships over the years, and to not have them address them on the final episode just feels infuriating. Especially Cas. His arc was not finished, he deserved to be on the finale. We never got Dean’s reaction to his confession, we don’t know how he felt about him, nor did Cas get to say goodbye to any other character. How did he get out of the Empty? What is he doing now? Is he still an angel? Also, he gave his life to save Dean, only for Dean to be killed not long after. My headcanon that is helping me cope with Dean’s death is thinking that he was so quick to accept his death because he was hoping to reunite in Heaven with Castiel. A girl can dream, ok??? But also, what about Jack? He is the new God, but I highly doubt it that he won’t drop by the Bunker from time to time, after all, Sam and Dean (AND CAS, ESPECIALLY CAS) raised him. And Charlie? Did she get back with Stevie? Did she and the boys go for drinks from time to time? And Jody? Donna? Claire? Sorry to be so repetitive, but I just can’t understand why the writers thought that these characters weren’t important enough to deserve a spot on the finale, and not just an off-hand mention (and not even all of them got that). Of course, the brothers are the main characters and their goodbye must be the longest and the most emotional of them all, but like I said before, the show stopped being just about the Winchesters on season 3, when Bobby was first introduced, maybe even 4, with Cas.

Overall, the finale left a lot of questions unanswered, most of them regarding secondary characters (but not less important for that!), completely destroyed Sam and Dean’s character development (Dean never got to be free, like he had been fighting for all season, probably all his life; Sam’s development is non-existing, as he ended up as he would’ve if he never had gotten on that hunting trip with Dean 15 years ago), and completely disregarded all the themes they had been setting up this season, probably on previous ones as well. It is sad knowing that the writers, either don’t know the show good enough to give it a proper goodbye, or they just didn’t care to do so. I don’t know who’s to blame here (definitely not the actors, though, probably someone higher up the chain), but I just know that I am so fucking disappointed. I expected more from the last episode of a 15-season TV show, one that has been part of my life for 7 years. I guess, that despite all of it, I can’t hate Supernatural. Maybe I was not a hardcore fan like some people on this site, but I did care for the characters and what happened to them. This is the show that introduced me to the world of shipping (Destiel will always hold a special place in my heart, it doesn’t matter how badly their relationship was treated, as well as the characters) and I got to discover one of my favorite characters, Dean Winchester. He is just such so complex, one that I relate to on so many levels, and his relationship with Cas has been the source of many short stories that I’ve never posted anywhere, but that have made me take up writing again. That’s the reason why I love the show so much, it has helped me tap into my creativeness and go back to writing, a passion of mine that I seem to have forgotten over the years. Anyways, maybe one day I’ll publish some of those stories, and maybe even write my own fix-it fanfic, but right now, I can’t deal with anything that has to do with the show, I am too hurt. Maybe once the five stages of grief are over, I might give it a try and read all of the amazing codas and fanfics that I’m sure will be posted here or on AO3. But for now, Supernatural is dead and gone, and I don’t want to talk nor think about it anymore. I’m done wasting my time here, because I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing this past 7 years after watching this crap of a finale.

To finish this long rant off, I just want to say thank you to some meta-writers, the true heroes of the fandom. Thanks to them, I carried on watching the show, because they made me have hope that things will get better. They are the ones that have made this experience worth something, and even though I’ve never spoken to any of them, I see you and I love you. Thanks for everything ❤. 

@tinkdw @charlie-minion @dotthings @heliodean @verobatto-angelxhunter @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

[glitta]

Okay, so I need to just.. get some things off of my chest here. Because at some point soon I’m probably going to stop coming to the tag because I need to vent but I also don’t want to keep wallowing. It’ll make it harder to move on when I keep reminding myself of it and getting angry and sad about it.

First I’ll say that I am 100% convinced that they’re done with romantic barchie. I become more convinced each day. And I know some people are hanging on, which is fine.. you do you. But I also hope you see it soon, because I don’t want them to use you. I don’t think it’s fair, and we barchies have been through so much.

What convinces me that they’re done? First.. this was the perfect opportunity to go for it. If they didn’t explore it now, when the road was clear, then they’re not going to. Next..they made some callbacks to the first season, and they were in vrchies favour. The callback to the s1 party? Ended the same way. Archie going after Veronica. You would reverse it if you wanted barchie. And they even used the “if you love me” pilot song back in 5x06, which showcased Archie looking off - because he was feeling things for Veronica, as it turned out. So no, the answer to the question if he loves her is no. (now, I call bullshit and retcon, but this is the canon they’re going with now) Then you have Archie not showing indecision or being caught between the two and not showing feelings for Betty. I hate it, but didn’t. He said he was perfectly fine with booty calls, but I guess when it started mixing with Betty being upset after a nightmare, it started to feel wrong when his feelings for V were growing and he didn’t want to lead Betty on. Archie didn’t look happy when Jackson said he was juggling two girls.

Then you have Archie’s wildly different reactions to Veronica picking his key, and Betty getting his key. Like, honestly.. even if they wanted to go in a direction of him having to deal with lingering feelings for Veronica and then feelings for Betty getting deeper.. we would have seen him having feelings for Betty. Like now. And that’s not how it played. He just showed zero feelings. Which is a retcon from practically the whole series, but this is their new take. To erase barchie from the equation and guarantee the fans of those other ships their endgames.

Then you have “the break up scene”. Following on from the retcon, I’m just so frustrated with this because of the lack of effort. They didn’t explore barchie and let them really navigate their feelings and figure if they worked or not. They just had them had meaningless sex (apparently, at least on Archie’s end) and throw some reason out there why they ~don’t work~. That was full fanservice and closing the door by declaring that they.. don’t work. Even though it was full TELL and not SHOW. I still don’t even understand?

Take it back to Betty’s conversation with Kevin - where she was so happy and didn’t want it to end, btw. Like lets lay it out:

 “I don’t want to get too deep with him.”

“Why?!”

“He’s this lit window in the darkness. And I don’t ever want that light to go out.”

Okay.. so my take away from that is that she would like it to be more, but it’s a fear of losing him if things don’t work out and she’ll lose the light that he brings. Fair enough, I kind of get it.

But then when it’s a conversation with Archie, she just say’s they’re completely different people in their cores. ?? Being different people is not a reason to not be together if you get on. If you’ve been best friends your whole lives. If you have amazing sexual chemistry. And then with him being her light - damn, utilise that. Does it really make a difference if he’s helping her as a friend or romantic partner? Will that make a difference in not dragging him down if he’s there for her anyway through what she’s going through? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. And it’s not like Archie doesn’t have his own issues and trauma. But it’s again all in favour of the antis/other shippers who just want to know that BA are over and insist from their biased perspectives that they can’t ever work. The writers are full on catering to that, and I can’t for the life of me understand that obsession when you’re running the show to it’s end with those kinds of decisions. I just feel like they went.. right, we need to find an excuse why they wont work, and insert some word vomit and use the words “we should work because (cliche) but we’re different.” and think that just.. explains it all, even though it’s all tell and no show.

Anyway, I think that covered the biggest red flags I saw for the end of the ship. So now let me start on the thing that pisses me off even more even more than them fucking ruining my ship to serve the antis everything they want.

The engagement of the writers on social media leading up to this. You want to tell a story and do whatever you want? Fine. But I cannot grasp what kind of people take a ship that it’s fans have been waiting for.. for four years while they dropped hints and had them kiss and teased them.. and hypes them up and makes them promises of a romance coming up.. and then fucks them over in about 3 episodes by ending the ship for good. And rushing back to the other ship.

Who does that? How do they think it’s okay to fuck with people like that? And then they victimize themselves because people are calling them out. (note: not condoning any death threats or extreme things)

And it’s not even shippers that have a right to be angry, just as a side note. A fresh start and new things were promised. And they’re right back to the stale things? Make it make sense. You can’t.

You know, not that long ago I was still laughing at myself for loving a ship on Riverdale. Like no offense, but past the first few episodes I thought this show was a joke, and became more so. But I loved barchie. They were this little thing that made so much sense and seemed to have a set up for a beautiful story in the end. So I got invested in that. Jokes on me?

And I will never understand how they think it’s the best story to keep the same two couples together for the duration of the show with little to nothing else. They couldn’t keep them apart for 5 episodes through cheating and a time jump? It is SO insane and odd? It is so boring and complete fan service and actually ruins the show and makes it a joke?

And I’m happy that Betty and Jughead were “allowed” to have sexual relationships outside of each other, but at least 3/4 of these characters never got to experience another loving relationship outside of their high school loves..? (and I’m only excluding Veronica because I think at some point she loved Chad at the start..?) Now, I’m not dissing all high school relationships that go to marriage. But to just pair up two couples neatly with these core 4.. and have them break up for 7 years and still not give them these experiences and relationships is stupid and really fucking sad. You can love more than one person in your life, and it doesn’t discount anything.

And if they wanted them brought back together eventually, they could have actually had a much better build up back to it? Yet they’re just incapable of taking any time and wont keep them apart for more than a handful of episodes? I’ve never encountered a show like this, and that is not a good thing. At all.

And the fanbases they’re catering for are so entitled. And I guess that goes hand in hand with the constant fanservice, but it’s just such a toxic thing. I don’t think any fanbase are innocent angels, but as someone who has dealt with their shit and entitlement from season 1.. it’s just unbelievable and funny any time that they try to say that we.. I don’t know, deserved this? What does that mean your toxic fanbase deserves?

But let me clear about something: I’d never want your content and ships. More screentime, maybe. But even then the screentime and focus on two ships took over and at least the barchie fandom never wanted that with our ship. We were happy to share screentime with other characters. And if my ship had one cheating on the other with someone the other character had always worried about.. and they never apologised for the cheating? I think I’d be done. As it is there’s a lot of barchies that don’t excuse or forgive things that went down and unsure if they could forgive it and like the ship again.

And hey, I will take Archie being Betty’s light and never wanting to lose that vs I don’t know.. sharing darkness with someone else?

And barchie’s chemistry was unmatched. (and drew people back in that they will now lose.)

Anyway.. I think I’ve covered at least most of what I wanted to. Didn’t mean to get so anti-other ships at the end, but I’m just venting on everything.