#bums me out tho that only one friend made it for my birthday.....

[xdarkabyssx]

God it's so weird. I have a LOT of friends, I tend to keep in contact with people pretty well and I've made a handful of internet friends too. But like. None of them live near me. Or if they DO They're always busy. so like. I have this vast social life of people I communicate with regularly but it's almost all over text so it's like. The duality of being alone and surrounded by people???

Idk it's also weird to think that like. 30 years ago this wouldn't be possible. Pen pals are a thing but instant messaging and the internet weren't so I'd be mostly stuck with the people around me? For better or worse I'm in this weird place between isolation and surrounded by friends who I love dearly but rarely get to see. It's a strange world I guess 😅

[hwangsies]

I feel so fucking alone bruh

I suck at uni, barely have any friends and have literally not left my house in two weeks. Just now i was talking to my mom abt it but all she had to say was pff i never had many friends either. But then again what did i expect, a hug? right

Last night i was supposed to go out with a friend but she cancelled on me last minute because she was feeling sick, like thats no problem at all, i mean yea i was bummed bc i was excited to get out of the house again but like dont force yourself to go out with me if you feel bad yk?

Anyway i texted my bestfriend, who recently moved a little further away which kinda made it so we cant see each other as much anymore, that said friend had cancelled on me and that i feel shitty bc im hanging around at home again.

I texted her at like 7 pm she answered at 2 am saying „why didnt you say something you could’ve come to my cousins birthday party with me“ which i know she didnt mean maliciously but like,,, i did say something tho?

Maybe im being dramatic, i dont know i just feel left behind.

I know i basically abandoned this account and am a sucky moot but i literally didnt know where else to vent.

Now im sitting on my bed after the interaction above with my mother took place like 15 minutes ago, crying. After her comment i just left for my room again, knowing it wont happen but silently hoping that she maybe realised that what i told her wasnt about her but again, i was disappointed.

I could tell her shes being a narcissist, that she always was one but then i would just get the „yea ur right im such an awful mother“ treatment and i dont trust myself to not chuck a plate at her if i have to hear that again.

You know she has never in my 21 years of life apologised to me, let alone comforted me when i cried alone in my room after a fight, which we regularly had.

Shes not a bad mother though, i relate to her alot and we’re similar in alot of ways shich is probably why we fought so much while i was growing up. Shes fun and chill and mostly uncomplicated, cynical and blunt which i always admired and never held me to weirdly high academic standards.

Im more sensitive than her tho, which i get from my dad, which i dont think she can handle very well, sometimes yes, other times it ends like it did just now; me crying in my room and her being clueless.

Or maybe she isnt clueless and just doesn’t feel like dealing with me. But that would make her seem awful and i don’t want to think of her like that.

My father is sweet, often times oblivious though and not as „life smart“ as my mom, (is that mean to say? Idk) he avoids us on purpose when we got into a fight.

He is extremely non confrontational and never takes sides, if he does its my mothers because he doesn’t want to be her next target probably. He cant stand up to her like me and my brother can.

But i guess thats the only pro of being raised by someone like that. The biggest con however is that i find myself displaying that narcissistic victim mentality sometimes too.

I dont know how that friend cancelling on me yesterday snowballed into this weird lovechild between a whiny complaint and an autobiography lol but i guess i had it pent up.

If you’ve read this far.. lmao why? but thanks for listening i guess <3

[yyxgin]

a lot has happened at work recently!! but who cares bleh. libra season!!! which means bday celebrations!! except i’m at work BOO 👎 and my two assistant managers have officially left (i’m helping them move on wednesday) and they were probably the only two who knew when my bday was apart from my supervisor but he’s gone to a different branch to train to be an assistant manager before coming back so i’m super bummed bc now i have to deal w al the new staff by myself 😭

also one of the ladies in kp read my palms?? and she told me i spend too much money impulsively which isn’t false… but i have to spend money impulsively or if spend none at all (which is good for saving ig) but i’d also be doing nothing other than working and that would make me sad lol. she also told me bc i’m a libra this month i’ll be unlucky with love but lucky with money so 🥺🙏🙏 i was having a relatively bad day that day so she was cheering me up n all of that.

did i tell you when my txt and skz albums came, they also came like a week or two later (again) bc they’d accidentally doubled up my order? it was like heaven with skz bc changbin baby is my ult n he was in some of the pulls for the second album 🥵🥵 the limited edition of no easy confuses me bc it’s not like the last one of theirs i bought and typically groups stick to a style when they design albums like mamamoo are all in these cute magnetic flip box thingies and nct’s are all little books type things as well as txt’s but skz switched it up and there’s a fair bit of loose stuff? but it’s okay bc i have two posters n all of the mini flip card things for the members and some bangchan (i’m gifted in pulling chan).

im also hopefully getting a car?? the barman hasn’t gone to prison yet bc the court keep moving his sentencing date(s?) so when i discussed this w my mum she said they’ll probably throw it out and relief filled me!! but ik i shouldn’t be so hopeful but at the same time it’s like why would you mess someone around so much? anyway i’ll move on, i wanted to drop him home in my car bc he deserves a lift everyday what a sweetheart❣️ my co-worker facetimed me today as it was my day off and i said hi to everyone it was so heartwarming to see everyone missing me but also not bc my manager overworks me and he knows that after this weekend 💉🩸

im jumping about with my points and things i want to say but i’m horrible at internet friends so this is okay for me as recently i’ve just not had energy for any friends which is awful of me but i’m still trying to find the balance between work and social. also everyone’s gone to uni and i’m just chilling. i like my life.

i want to redecorate my room. i don’t like the vibe other than when people compliment my kpop wall bc it’s a bunch of my art and then other peoples art and i thoroughly enjoy decorating w pictures and stickers and stuff but it’s literally just a door and it’s depresses me that my happiness is reduced to the back of a singular door now. i want to redo the vibe in my room and make it more me. i’ve never felt comfortable until recently and even now i’m going back to feeling uncomfy now that i know i want it a certain way and to give a certain vibe. idk, maybe it’s bc i watched sex education and seeing lily’s room in the most recent season (i won’t say much more in case you are watching/haven’t seen it yet) really made me realise i want to love myself and love the space i create for myself more. do you enjoy your space you’ve created for yourself? i always feel like peoples rooms say a lot about them as a person but how they see their room in their own eyes always says more.

i want to ask loads of questions and am awful at asking them so please just tell me everything i missed or should be updated on!! ily, always

~ 🌻

LIBRA SEASON !!! omg did i ask you when's your bday ?? i hope i didn't miss it. >:( happy birthday !!!! you deserve so much love. also, i'm sorry about your managers leaving. dealing with new staff is hella stressful and i hope you don't have to have too much responsibility and nerves <3

ooh palm readings are hella interesting. i've never had one but i think i'd like to try. spending money impulsively isn't a bad thing, if it's not an irresponsible spending. and if it is,, well who cares. yolo. i feel you on that tho, bc even tho i am really stingy w money, sometimes i just buy stuff i don't need and act on impulse.

OMG THAT IS A DREAM ?? getting free albums ?? (at least i hope they were free lmao). i like it when groups stick to one type of packaging although i must say i dont like the book thingies nct uses bc there is no magnetic part so it falls apart on my shelf and i hate that. i acutally like the sleeve packaging txt's albums have ?? everyone seems to bitch abt it on tiktok but i find it the most conveniet. also i'm glad changbin came home to you <3

YAAAY TO THE CAR !! AND ALSO TO YOUR COWORKER. i am praying he won't have to go, then, i am really hopeful. he is a sweet soul and doesn't deserve that. pleeease don't put up with your boss overworking you. take care of yourself :(

YOURE NOT HORRIBLE AT INTERNET FRIENDS we are besties. okay ??? and its totally okay to have no energy for friends as well, bc as you can see, i am struggling as well recently. it took me so long to reply to this ask and i feel so bad but it is what it is :// social battery has been low and i am busy with studying and work and trying to put my shit together. i am rooting for you !! <3

go for the decorating !! i actually haven't watched sex education and am not planning on watching so i dont really understand what you mean, but i hope you get to create a space for yourself when you feel free and comfortable. i share a room with my brother so its kind of difficult to decorate it how i want it, but i honestly like sharing a room tbh. he's not here half the time anyway so it's good to see him at least when we go to sleep lmao. but i have a bunch of stuff in my corner that are kpop and my side is full of plants, so i feel good surrounded by them hihi. i like it here.

i don't have many updates. i am actually living a very boring life, so i have nothing to share. preparing for graduation exams has been making me anxious and also depressed with everything that's been going on lately, but it's okay. i'll pull myself together <3 i love you a lot, take care !! i missed you

[baph0meat]

several years ago I asked you "tips on turning 21?" and you gave some damn good advice that helped me so much when i turned 21. so, got a tip for turning 25 and suddenly being very aware of the process of self-actualization?

[continued] “i asked my older sibling and they said "don't eat trash food" lmfao”

well i actually first off actually unironically agree w your older sibling -- it feels like a drag to get nagged abt it but genuinely switching from like. “hot pockets from the corner store every night bc i’m tired” to gritting my teeth and putting in the planning and time to cook for myself and eat in ways that were kinder to my body did a LOT for like, both just my overall wellness and also my fucking wallet bc trash food is literally so fucking expensive out the gate. there’s like. a whole BUNCH i could get into as someone who has worked in The Health Food Industry abt how a lot of what you’re paying for w processed food is convenience and immediacy and that a lot of times “Healthy Food” costs more in terms of time and preparation and getting WAY fewer calories per dollar in ways that aren’t feasible if you’re food insecure etc etc etc but i’m not getting into that i’m just gonna say: when you CAN, whenever you’re able, gritting your teeth and prying yourself up and over to the kitchen and not having trash food actually does do a lot for u overall.

anyway. cw for brief suicide mention as i talk abt this but i’ll try not to get too heavy abt it

i’m abt to turn 27 next month and have finally hit the point where my life has like... stabilized in a way i never thought would’ve been possible. (i got married, did i say that on this blog ever? hi, it’s me, ira, i got married to the coolest woman alive and moved to spain.) but the thing is i’ve said that every year. like, fuckin, on an absolute clockwork schedule once a year i’ve been like “hi guys wow things have been so crazy but everything in my life has FINALLY settled so i’ll be around a lot more” etc etc. so: your life is never settled and it is also always settling and eventually i have found i just stop noticing. i think also as things settle i’ve noticed i’ve started like, really getting struck by my life STRETCHING OUT in front of me, esp since i was suicidal for most of my life til now and like, i never had to THINK abt or plan for stuff, and now suddenly sometimes it’s like. even tho i’m so happy w my life now it’s still so exhausting sometimes to think abt doing this fucking forever lmao. forever! every day! life is so long and my brain is so small!

all this to say: never expect stuff to be Done esp a concept as huge as self-actualization and also expect to be tired. expect to freak out a little. i know we’ve all heard “nobody has it figured out in their 20s” and we’re like “yeah yeah cool except i look around and other ppl in their 20s seem to at LEAST have it more together than i do” and my solution for that so far has been oh my god stop looking in other people’s windows, ira. 

i’m getting really rambly and disorganized here so i’m just gonna post a list of things that have really, really helped me in the mid-20s zone and that made me healthier and happier than early-20s me

i don’t drink or use substances when i’m in a bad mood anymore. ever. even if i’m just like “lightly bummed out” -- total stop, total red light, no substance use. this one rule has changed my life entirely and i take it extremely seriously. i have to be happy and feeling good going into it, or i don’t take anything/don’t have any drinks, period. (i tentatively make an exception for this re: using weed to medicate anxiety but i personally still try to keep that a last resort.)

every time you feel like bitching about something you don’t like on social media, make a post abt something else that you like instead. every time u feel like saying something meanspirited or vague or unpleasant abt someone you can’t stand, find a genuine, wholehearted compliment abt someone you really like instead. i’m obviously not saying “never complain ever” but i’m saying only complain when it like.... matters, and take vicious, merciless inventory of when it actually matters bc it u might find that inventory doesn’t line up w your actions generally

related to that: be very cautious abt like, friend groups who bond over shit they hate instead of bonding over shit they like.

talk to yourself a lot. talk to yourself before you say or do things. ask yourself questions about how you’re feeling, why you’re reacting to things the way you do, esp if you’re feeling/acting negatively and feel lost abt Why. cultivate a relationship w yourself in a tangible, daily way so that you can understand your feelings and actions better

find something screenless that you enjoy doing every day. i’m not trying to sound like crotchety specter of Fucking Log Off but i am that and i think the internet is evil and i think it’s making our brains dribble out our ears in liquid form and finding offline things to fill my days up with every day and only coming online when i’m done with those things has probly done more for my growth as a person than anyone else. this place is evil

related to all of this, i guess: everything 21 year old you thought was super boring/would have refused to do if commanded is probably really really good for you and will make you feel better

that’s my advice happy birthday

[96xie]

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.

[jayflrt]

haha im going to my friend's prom! she went to mine and im going to hers. ngl her's was kinda more fun bc of venue 😭 IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MINE it rly gave that royalty au vibes i got so many pictures 😁 and also finally met her friends so it was fun!

my last week of school was nice and chill i was mostly scrambling to finish my chem final and just getting people to sign my yearbook! i got this set of colourful pens i got on my birthday that i never got to use and i finally used them so my yearbook is very colourful which i like bc there's so many msgs and having the different colours rly helps with reading them 😭

i unfortunately got covid so i had to miss my graduation 😭 i completely recovered now but i was rly bummed out for a couple of days, esp on the day of. i retraced my days and figured out by timelines that i contracted it on my last day of school and thats so 💀 one of my friends said the school left me a parting gift 👹 apparently some people with covid went to grad anyways but i didnt want to be one of those people even though i rly rly wanted to go anyways

my clubbed performed a dance! i also had a short solo towards the end and it was jusy rly fun so at least there's that good memory left from my school ig ansjdffkv hehe thank you for the virtual flowers 💓

and i did listen to bts' comeback! i was an army for a while previously so seeing them always flickers an old flame in me even though i dnt "stan" them anymore. all the new songs are great! i love the vibes of run bts but searching it on google is a hassle bc theres their show and also their song from hyyh era 😭

also this 😭😭 not the livetweeting while getting eaten by a titan. also imagining that era having technology would be so. funny. and weird 💀 imagine the subtweeting between the outside and the inside of the walls 😭 absolute chaos.

anyways i hope you've been well! i can rest properlt now bc im covid free now and my symptoms werent horrible but it was still so annoying going through it 💀😭 stay safe and healthy !

- 🌻

omg i’m so glad you had fun !! 🥰💖 also royal vibes??? i’m so jealous omg 🤩🤩 i’ve been seeing these tiktok’s of recreations of the queen’s ball from bridgerton and it looks like an absolute dream 🤧

AHHH THE COLORFUL PENS 😌 NO SHAME I BOUGHT A WHOLE SET FOR MY YEARBOOK TOO but everyone only used purple or blue >:(( but yesyes it’s so much easier to read that way !!! when everything in the same blue/black ballpoint pen it gets confusing and you just have to distinguish by handwriting :’)

OMG NOOOOOO IM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭 I HOPE THEY MADE UP FOR IT AT LEAST <//3 if it makes you feel any better i heard a lot of schools have been fucking up graduation this year (ig bc it’s the first year of being back in person??) but i met with my friend and she was telling me our high school’s graduation ceremony was super messy this year and they were unorganized and didn’t account for students in the heat bc ppl were passing out :( i’m rlly glad you’ve recovered tho !! 💖 a happy graduation from me tho !! congrats on making it so far and here’s to the rest of your future <33 not your parting gift being covid 💀💀 at least it’s a memory to remember !! 🥳

WAIT THATS SO COOL IM SURE U SLAYED 🥰🥰 what club is it ?? :o if you don’t mind sharing HAHAH but that’s so awesome that you got a solo :o i’m glad you got to do it before covid tho ! and you said it was your first in person event right?

omg same here :’))) i don’t stan as much as i used to but i still feel nostalgic looking at content ,, plus i’m getting back into them (even tho they’re on a break LOLL) but jeon jungkook and jung hoseok…… 🧎‍♀️ HAHAH YEAH OMG but they better use that for their next run bts season openings

TBH IDK WHY THAT IDEA EVEN CAME TO MIND LOLLL i wasn’t even rewatching aot or anything 😭😭 ig i was just thinking of how much more convenient phones would be instead of eren screaming ab killing the titans and everyone running after him 🧍‍♂️

i feel u omg :(( my symptoms were rlly annoying too even tho i’ve had colds worse than it 🤧 i’m glad you’re better now tho and i hope you’ve been staying well and healthy !! do you have any plans for your break now? :oo

[yeonjuins]

hiii! It’s the goingtouniversitysoonforgfx anon again💀💀

call me june☺️! ngl that’s what I acc go by on my blog so if you ever find it, cool and hi :) (im just anon bc im shy lmao) - honestly i really love that name and it’s my birthday month, (I finish in June too!), also one of the first krnb artists I started listening to back in 2020 is called june and I was absolutely in love w his music, like he was all I had in rotation with gsoul and couple others

i haven’t acc tried using ae yet, your guide gave me a rough idea of where to start, I just haven’t gotten round to it . Truth is I’m so so so soooooo bad w time management and getting stuff done so I couldn’t make any extra passion projects for my portfolio (I ult txt and procrastinate like crazy so put that together with having to prepare for a 6hr exam) 😭

I had this really cool idea for an Ateez zine but all I’ve done is the cover roughly and nothing else - so I just quickly made a few things and compiled school and personal stuff together and sent it off, im really bummed out about the zine because it’s something I would’ve really put my all in and be so proud of but I didn’t wanna rush it and not be proud of it 🥲 if I ever make it I’ll be sure to show you!

On the bright side I made this fairy of shampoo poster that I love and a Polaroid love poster that I made on a whim-that oddly turned out really good that I sent off, but i wanted to animate it which I ended up not doing….. I’ll get round to it eventually…..

I have 2 offers tho! Just not from where I wanna go lmao, I should have the rest by the end of March so fingers crossed..

this could be the weirdest question you’ve ever gotten but like, how do u sort all your gfx stuff..? Like resources wise (colourings, pngs, elements) idk if I’m using the right terms but you get what I’m saying right?

I do have them in folders but most of the time I go on downloading sprees and then I end up leaving everything over the place - I may have just answered my own question but I’m just wondering what works for you or if you know anyone that has anything organised in a specific way where it’s easy to navigate, u know?

SORRY FOR THIS REALLY LONG ASK, I see you’re really swamped with asks already but….yeah. I also saw that you take music recs so I wanted to make a few! (That was the originally whole reason why i was sending an ask but i rambled alot replying to ur last answer to me…)

I have a million and one favourite songs rn, but these are my faves in rotation - lmk if you’ve already heard!

snowy night - billlie

sincerity - WONPIL

super rare - epik high, wonstein and ph-1

again - def, LEON

Cool to see other DVWN Fans and also it’s really cool to see how you’ve kinda created a space to talk about music, krnb and such, I always felt like I was the only one in this music bubble skhsjsj

Anyway, ENJOY :]

(putting under read more cause lengthy response (": )

please please !! never feel bad for having a long ask (": i'm honoured really people want to talk to me hehe <3 secretly typing up my response in class right now because this class is boring LMFAO

hello june !!! i acc have a friend with the same name on here so i'll call you 'june anon' if thats alright hehe (will go back to previous asks and change the tag as well so we can look back if we ever need to <3) and I CANNOT BELIEVE JUNE WAS ONE OF YOUR FIRST KRNB ARTISTS..... if we're talking about the same person- he's also apart of plt records right?? i am absolutely in love with anyone that is aware of plt....

oh my- please i feel like that wasn't even a proper guide ;; ik i already said this but i feel like i should've gave something more structured PAHHAHA hopefully it still helps you in some sort of way ;; and a 6 hour exam wtf that's acc insane imo ):< time management is super hard (<- literally micromanages everything to get stuff done <- horrible at micromanaging <- don't micromanage either, it's horrible for mental health if you don't condone time for it)

omg zines... i absolutely love making zines they're so fun... i think the first zine i made was an isometric house illustration based off of childhood photos of my friends ;0 i think i titled it the 'HOME' project or something but that was one of my first big projects that really pushed me towards wanting to do stuff with design in my fuutre (": i entirely know what you mean by 'wanting to give it your all'... it's really polarizing but as creators you feel the weight on your shoulder to make things good esp if the topic means a lot to you ;; please do show (if you feel comfortable and if you end up making it) !!!!

wHAHHAH edits on the whim are SOOO fun... i made my animal crossing edit / gyugle on a whim and they're truly one of my favourites hehe... i think i said this with humming anon but i feel like anything associated to fos is instnatly god tier... like nothing can go wrong with it ever and that is simply the truth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND YAYAYAY CONGRATS ON GETTING TWO OFFERS OMG ! that's acc amazing ;0 excuse me for prying but are you perhaps in canada...? it sounds like your school system is the same as mine ;; if you don't feel comfortable with sharing though feel free to ignore !! whatever college/uni you end up going to, i'm 90% sure it's all purely what you make out of the experience (the other 10% comes from me not even . being in university so i can't entirely vouch for this PAHAHAH) i believe in you my love <3

i’m going to answer your gfx organization question in a separate text post !! just in case someone else asks me so i can just redirect it easily ;; (you can find it here!) 

oh my god i wanted to get into billie for so long because i absolutely love their debut song + concept + THEIR ?? CHOEROS ARE SO COOL (lia kim <3 she never misses... <3) snowy night feels so christmasy it’s so cute... omg i acc never listened to wonpil’s solo stuff ;; i used to be obsessed with day6 in like 8th-9th grade but his voice is so angelic and soft ): my spotify acc broke listening to wonpil’s song SO I CAN’T . PAUSE IT NOW . (<- had to force restart my phone PAHAHHAH wonpil your power...) ASDHOIAKLMW AND OMG EPIK HIGH SOOOOO TRUE.... istg the more i answer asks the more anons bring out my krnb/khiphop days... absolutely love epik high’s ‘we’ve done something wonderful’ album... no skips on that album imo but i’m not sure if everyone would like it since it does have some of those ‘old school’ vibes to it (the song is lovely btw ph-1′s part is <3) ouu i feel like i’ve heard of leon before but this song is new to me ;0 it’s so chill wHAAHA it has like..... a hint of dpr vibes to it (<- thinks about dpr live’s jasmine obsessively... i also hate the fact that i use the word ‘vibes’ but idk what else i should say like ‘energy’ sounds equally as........... ‘gen z’ to me ASOHDIMKLWA)

thank you for the song recs my love (”: and thank you for dropping by my inbox hehe like i said all the way above, i don’t mind long asks !! let’s me talk about similar interests and i just think it’s wholesome overall <3 i hope your day has been going lovely as far my angel <3

[thedappleddragon]

twofer except I don't remember what the FUCK I did yesterday

I think I played animal crossing and got overly upset that static moved out without warning. OH WAIT NOW I REMEMBER. I did fuck all except draw one of my dnd docs but older and edgier and bloodier and it was really fun and I sept all day drawing and hirt my wrist/elbow in the process because drawing on a phone screen while laying in bed is hard. 

last night’s dream was weird?? it started off with a memory that may or may not be real of me having trouble sleeping recently, and instead of actually dreaming I would only get elements of a dream and toss and turn all night. I tried assembling the bits and pieces together and it turned into me and a bunch of other kids existing in my backyard as part of a child turf war. there were warp pipe trash and and we all lived outside, until the scenario shifted to a bunch of us at the end of an art club meeting waiting for parents to arrive or something. I just know it felt ike an office space, and I complemented someone’s fursuit paws for having feet shaped paw pads. I noticed a hole in my onesie’s crotch, but when I went to a back room to fix it, I missed the bus. but we all ended up at the parade anyway. it was a HUGE parade that was tradition in some other country, where festival clowns dumped excessive amounts of candy off of floats and everyone brought their own containers and someone brought a canoe and there was partying in the streets. 

I woke up wondering how much of the dream memories were real or false. I got up at like 9 but fell asleep and actually started doing shit at like 11. my cat was meowing really loud and it was very cute. I fed her, hung out, played animal crossing and bought turnips (but I forgot to save and turn my ds off so it dies and lost progress), ate lunch, took a shower and washed my hair even tho I think I might have washed my hair really recently, did a clay face mask, and drove around with my dad and sister. first we went to Walmart but it took them forever to bring us our stuff so my dad went in and got snacks. he brought out Samoas and capri suns and it just made me really happy :) after finally getting our stuff we dropped off perishables at home and went to Kroger, asking about a (not cover) vaccine for my sister and did some shopping. I got some almond chocolate pocky and its really good! probably better not kept in the freezer, unlike normal pocky. we also got bagels but didn't remember until we got home that we dont have a toaster since ours exploded/short circuited a long time ago so now we have to use the oven or a pan like some sort of peasants. I've been bumming around since we got home, texting my friends and snacking. my dad got my sister and I 5 little candles each because they were 70% off at his work, so I burned one that smelled like blueberry lavender. I also discovered that my dnd oc Toni’s birthday is on the 23rd! maybe I'll post the drawings I did of her as a birthday celebration. it’s her birthday in the sense that the first time I drew her was a year ago, it’s not just some random date I made up for her. Valka’s birthday is 8/15, my Angel’s bday is 8/14 a year before hers. I love that I have most of my high school art in one place and not spread out on random homework assignments like previous years. I just wish I could have kept that up over quarantine. all of my recent art is on my phone, which is nice because it can’t get lost or faded or damaged, but then I dont get the experience of flipping though a sketchbook and seeing what little notes I had through the day or distressed cats everywhere to show how I was feeling. oh well. I hope I'll be able to pick up drawing everyday again. maybe when college starts. speaking of I signed up for  admitted student day at ball state! I was gonna say I still have to pay them but fuck that I’m gonna do it right now instead of putting it off any longer. goddamn it my nose is stuffy AND runny because I sneezed like 50 times earlier while I was burning my candle so I couldn't even fully smell it. phooey. unrelated but I'm contemplating buying myself a cardinal Webkinz to celebrate going to ball state...... meh if I do do that then I'll just adopt it at the beginning of the semester. I also spent a long time yesterday contemplating if I wanted to buy a mini spring green frog build a bear, but shipping was almost as much as the frog so I built a vanilla swirl lamb with kobu jacket and fresh flowers scent but that racked my total up to almost $50 and I didnt wanna pay that much so I just left it all sitting in my kart. and because tioktok fuckin loved build a bear spring from it’ll probably be sold out when/if I decide to go back and get it. I dont need it tho. 

[frankunn-cain]

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

hi um @yoshifics tagged me in this thing so i’m gonna answer some things (thank you for thinking of me)

tagging: @freckledandspectacled @toriirdz @frank-myhero-iero @smut-smut-in-the-butt @talkriddletome @xhanac @completelychris @neverland-in-space @preasylumtrager @sirachas @partygoul321 @flux–and–flow 

 the last … 

 1. drink: herbal tea. yep, I’m a tea hoe

2. phone call: My dad, he told me my grandma’s sister died. I’ve only met her once, but it’s really affecting my grandma

 3. text message: to my brother, I’m trying to build a 3D printer

4. song you listened to: I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance… ok I’m a bit emo. I was sad leave me alone :p

5. time you cried: early june. my school isn’t letting me go to graduation.. i thought i’d get over it, but it’s still hitting me

6. dated someone twice: no?

7. kissed someone and regretted it: ya i guess. i enjoyed it, but i really shouldn’t have

8. been cheated on: well i hope not

9. lost someone special: they didn’t die (if that’s what this is asking), but a good friend just ghosted me out of nowhere idk

10. been depressed: ye been a constant thing for awhile :)

 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: haven’t thrown up because of it

favorite colors… 

12. light pale blue

13.  holographic black (idk if this counts lol)

14. slightly darker than blood red

in the last year have you… 

15. made new friend: ye i think so

16. fallen out of love: idk relationships are so confusing

17. laughed until you cried: once? maybe?

18. found out someone was talking about you: ya :/ idk how to deal with that

19. met someone who changed you: ya, they’ve helped me grow

20. found out who your friends are: ya. when i came out my friend groups treated me strangely.. so kinda had to find a new one

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Yes. If by facebook list you mean we’re friends on facebook

general

 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Pretty much all of them? i don’t use facebook really 

23. do you have any pets: ya, i got a bearded dragon named Smaug and a pup named Bailey. I kinda share my best friends cats (3 hypatia, ozzy, and achilles) because I spend so much time at their house (my situation at my house isn’t so great)

24. do you want to change your name: Yes i absolutely hate my birth name :)

 25. what did you do for your last birthday: had dinner with my boss idk i wanted to not be around my family

26. what time did you wake up: like noon. I’m jetlagged and i feel like a bum 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: playing a new game i bought from the steam sale when i should’ve been drawing oops

28. name something you can’t wait for: a safe feeling :) i rly need to get away from my house. i get nightmares a lot and idk what to do

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: today

31. what are you listening to right now: sense8 on netflix a friend told me to. it’s p good

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Does Thomas count? If so yes. I know one from this space thing and one at school

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself 

34. most visited website: this one? or youtube? 

35. hair colour: Black. i wanna try dying it

36. long or short hair: Short. one side is shaved rn

37. do you have a crush on someone: idk feelings are complicated

 38. what do you like about yourself: mm yikes. some stuff i’ve made i’m proud of

39. piercings: just my ears. i really wanted snake bites for a long time lol 

40. blood type: O- 

 41. nickname: pear, oswald, ozzie, peari, oz (insert pear emoji here) 

42. relationship status: relationships are confusing don’t talk to me 

43. zodiac: chinese: golden dragon, asrological: taurus i think

44. pronouns: he/ him

45. favourite tv show: (im gonna list a few) GOTHAM!! i’m in so deep man. it’s the only show i’ve watched air. Danny phantom, Avatar: the last airbender, Durarara, Soul Eater, sense8 (idk tho i haven’t finished), star trek: the next generation, shameless, sherlock, doctor who, great british baking show, chopped, merlin, magicians, ouran high school host club, series of unfortunate events, kill la kill, TEEN TITANS

46. tattoos: nope, but i reeeeally want some

47. right or left handed: Right-handed, but i can draw with both

48. surgery: not yet, but i need one soon

49. piercing: repeat?

50. sport: i did rowing in high school

51. vacation: i really want to go to a lot of places in asia (japan again, south korea, taiwan, tahiti )

52. pair of trainers: shoes? ya i have running shoes

more general 

53. eating: i like asian and mexican food

54. drinking: tea!!! (bubble tea too) slushies, apple juice, milk

55. i’m about to: try finishing the 3D printer, hopefully draw

56. waiting for: fulfillment idk i’m kinda a mess rn 

57. want: okie doki, a lot. security in the future, not to worry about money, a cat, surgery, time, clothes, better mental state, relationships i feel absolutely safe about

58. get married: yo man, that’s scary 

59. career: working in stop-motion animation

60. hugs or kisses: i like both in different contexts. hugs can be with more people, but still i hate strangers hugging me. making out is like v great tho :0

61. lips or eyes: Can I say both again? eyes can be so friggin cool tbh. irises are so complex and can like dilate an shit??? but mouths have so many different shapes????? im smitten bro

62. shorter or taller: either

63. older or younger: either? in a dating context i usually like older people. (I’ve had the biggest crush on my english teacher, sorry Mr. Rossen)

64. nice arms or nice stomach: i feel like those are weird things to pin against? why not arms or legs? but I guess arms? you ever see a guy with nice arms and you like omg strangle me. mkay just me (no one is gonna read this far)

65. hook up or relationship: i’m uh kinda asexual so i wouldn’t have hook up sex? but make out and stuff sure, but I’d rather have a healthy relationship because u can do nasty stuff and cuddly/ domestic stuff

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i’m a chaotic neutral, i’ll hesitate if i’m not sure of the outcome 

67. kissed a stranger: Nope

68. drank hard liquor: Ye but i’d rather mix it with stuff

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: ya my mom was so mad i felt terrible :(((

70. turned someone down: I guess? i was in a relationship and he was being pushy??

71. sex on the first date: no I could not 

72. broken someone’s heart: i do not know. i hope not. i’m sorry dude

73. had your heart broken: when I came out to my parents

74. been arrested: Nope 

75. cried when someone died: ya…this dude in my grade died recently. i saw him the day before.

76. fallen for a friend: ya i think 

do you believe in … 

77. yourself: HAHAHAHA 

78. miracles: yo idk i wish

79. love at first sight: not really? but i won’t be against

80. santa claus: Nope 

81. kiss on the first date: why not? 

82. angels: not as little kiddies with wings

other 

83. current best friend’s name: one? lol can’t pick. Teutie, Illuin, Heming 

84. eye colour: brown?

85. favourite movie: mm nah i’m gonna list again. HELLBOY!!! i rly like the avengers one, Lord of the rings, Coraline, the purge, sweeny todd, little shop of horrors, gremlins, zootopia, star trek, star wars, the little prince, mean girls, mad max, the man from uncle, guardians of the galaxy, x men, harry potter (i like the 4th the best)

welp! Thanks for tagging me @yoshifics This was really fun!

[hiimcaroline]

92 truths

I was tagged by the cutest @philophobia999 and @jeylovestoblog ❤️ Thank you so much ❤️ And I’m sure there was someone else that tagged me in this, but I seriusly can’t remember and it was such a long time ago, I’m so sorry!!

1. Drink: Water

2. Phone Call: Mum

3. Text: “I’m stuck in traffic :/” to my mum

4. Song you listened to:  YUGYEOM - 그대로 (THE WAY YOU ARE)

5. Time you cried: Yesterday

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: Nope

7. Been cheated on: Nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yup

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Not officially, never had the courage to go and get help.

11. Gotten drunk and threw up: Yup

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

• black • baby pink • light purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: Yes!!! I’m so greatful for all of you! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

16. Fallen out of love: For things not people.

17. Laughed until you cried: Soooo many times.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Oh, yessss

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes  

20. Found out who your true friends are: YES, finally

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: No?

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in really life?: All of them.

23. Do you have any pets: Yessss! A dog, shih-tzu and his name is Mushu

24. Do you want to change your name?: Yes, please!

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: I don’t remember, probably went to a restaurant with my parents, we do that every year

26. What time did you wake up?: 6:20 AM -.-

27: What were you doing at midnight last night: Anxiously lying in bed because I couldn’t fall asleep....

28. Name something you cannot wait for: Graduating from this hell of a university!

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: This morning.

30. What is one thing you wish you can change about your life: Ohh, so may things: university, anxiety, travel more, have more time for the things that I love...

31. What are you listening to right now:  HIGH4, IU(하이포, 아이유) _ Not Spring, Love, or Cherry Blossoms(봄,사랑,벚꽃 말고)

32. Have you talked to a person named Tom: “Tom” I don’t think so, but Polish equivalent, which is “Tomasz” yes 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: This headache.<---SAME

34. Most visited website: Tumblr..go, figure...

35. Elementary: Done

36: High School: Done

37: College: tying to live through his hell :)

38. Hair color: Pink but my real colour is like this ugly darker blonde or smth

39. Long or short hair: short

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Jeon Jungkook, always!

41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes

42. Piercings: standard in ears and a helix, soon double helix in my right ear

43. Blood type: AB Rh-??

44. Nickname: one person calls me Bun, or Bum it depends hahahha

45. Relationship Status: Single mentally taken by Jungkook lol

46. Zodiac sign: Cancer

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite tv show: Game of Thrones if Kdrama counts then Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

49. Tattoos: Coming soon!

50. Right or left hand: Right hand, but I do a lot of stuff with my left for some reason...

FIRST…

51. Surgery: Removal of tonsils when I was like 10?

52. Piercing: My ears.

53. Word: I have no idea 

54. Sport: I think dance was first

55. Vacation: Oh, I have no idea. We’ve travelled so much with my parents. But the first big vacation I can remember was Egypt, the best trip ever!

56. Pair of trainers: Nike, at least the ones I remember and cherished so much hahaha

RECENTLY…

57. Eating: My grandmother made me green pepers with stuffing and rice!! 

58. Drinking: Water.

59. I’m about to: Finish my lunch

60. Listening to:  IU(아이유) _ Palette(팔레트) (Feat. G-DRAGON)

61. Waiting for: this headache to pass

62. Want: To be happy

DO YOU WANT TO…

63. Get married: n o p e

64. Have a career and if so what: Yes, I’d love to be a translator (Preferably audio-visual things, like movies or tv series)

WHICH IS BETTER…

65. Hugs or kisses: both pls??

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: I mean I’m short, so tall please, but I really don’t care

68. Older or younger: Doesn’t really matter, has to be legal tho, hahah

69. Spontaneous or romantic:  Spontaneous

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: do hands count? I like nice hands

71. Sensitive or loud: loud, but not too loud idk...

72. Hook up or relationship: I’m scared of relationships hahah

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER…

74. Kissed a stranger: Yup

75. Drank hard liquor: Yup

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope, don’t wear them

77. Turned someone down: Yes

78. Sex on first date: No

79. Broken someone’s heart: I’m not sure, but I’d say no?

80. Had your heart broken: Nope

81. Been arrested: Not yet lol

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: No?

DO YOU BELIEVE…

84. In Yourself: Sometimes happens, on a good day.

85. Miracles: Not really, but I’ve started to believe in destiny

86. Love at first sight: I mean....Jeon Jungkook........but irl nope

87. Santa Claus: No

88. Kiss on the first date: Yes

89. Angels: No

OTHER…

90. Current best friend: @mart-art for like 14 years and counting hahah

91. Eye color: Blue

92. Favorite movie: Harry Potter series and Mulan

I tag (but do it only if you want to ❤️): @mart-art @gloomybow1 @softssound @jungkook-gifs @adsuro @likebreakofdawn @kookiesugatae @yukizus 

[wolfchansleftleg]

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you’re supposed to write a post with 82 truths about yourself and then tag people Thanks for tagging me: The lovely @oshawottnialler1 MOST RECENT 
DRINK: Coffee 
CALL: My husband 
TEXT: "Mrs T. It's like the Female version of Mr T." (It's a long story!) 
LAST TIME YOU CRIED: The other day... over anime... HAVE YOU EVER 
DATED SOMEONE TWICE: Narr. 
LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: Yes. 
BEEN DEPRESSED: Yes. 
BEEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: oh god, let's not talk abut that! IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU
MADE A NEW FRIEND: I think so? 
FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: No 
LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: Only like all the time. 
MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: I don't need no changing. (No) 
FOUND OUT WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE: Yes. That happens when you fall pregnant. 
FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: Not that I know of? EXTRAS 
HOW MANY PPL FROM YOUR FB LIST DO YOU KNOW IRL: All except 1. 
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: Yes. A dog (Marceline) a Cat (Shiro) and 2 bird (Morty and Oli) and yes, all my animals are named after a character from a cartoon or a real person (Oli Sykes) 
DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: I've already changed it once in my life, that was effort enough. 
WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY: Went to the cinemas, I think? 
WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 8:15. 
WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT: Either reading BNHA fanfiction, or writing fanfiction. I can't remember the exact time. 
NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: Uhh... not quite sure. The new 'Kingsman' movie. 
HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO SOMEONE NAMED TOM: No. 
WHAT’S GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RN: Surprisingly nothing. (That's a first!) 
BLOOD TYPE: A+ 
NICKNAME: Rah. Rahwee. Rahdie poo bum. 😑 
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Married 
PRONOUNS: she/her 
FAVOURITE TV SHOWS: Uhh.. where do I start? Teen Wolf, My Hero Academia, Voltron, Gravity Falls, Haikyuu! I honestly can't choose. 
DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: No. 
WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: Literally nothing. 
RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED: Right 
FIRST SURGERY: Only recently. I had to get cysts removed from my ovaries. 
FIRST BEST FRIEND: she was my best friend in preschool. But after those two years of friendship, I never seen her again 
FIRST SPORT YOU JOINED: I've never joined a sport. PE was torture enough at school. 
FIRST VACATION: Went to Queensland for 16 days back in 2012. RIGHT NOW 
EATING: nothing. 
DRINKING: Coffee. 
I’M ABOUT TO: Clean my house... or just read fanfiction and watch Pokemon... I haven't decided yet. 
LISTENING TO: Ash and Misty arguing. And my daughter complaining about hurting her finger (even tho she hasn't) WANT
KIDS: I'm fine with two... no more for me thanks 
GET MARRIED: I already am. 
CAREER: either a photographer or I would like to learn another language and be a translator. WHICH IS BETTER 
LIPS OR EYES: Eyes 
HUGS OR KISSES: Hugs 
OLDER OR YOUNGER: Older 
ROMANTIC OR SPONTANEOUS: oh. That's a hard one. Spontaneous? 
SENSITIVE OR LOUD: Both. Both is good. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: Both 
GLASSES/CONTACTS: Glasses. HAVE YOU EVER 
BROKE SOMEONE’S HEART: We were best friends in high school. And friendship is where I wanted to stay. 
TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: The guilt eats away at my soul!! Still 8 years later! 
CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: Yes, Who wouldn't? 
FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: I don't think so? DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Nope. 
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: For me yes. It was he time I had a huge crush on Nick Jonas...and I thought Nick Jonas was walking through my classroom door. 
HEAVEN: Yeah....? 
KISSING ON A FIRST DATE: If it's got that feeling, I guess? @bunbun1027 @turnmyheaphonesuprealloud @izuqu

[january3rd2016-blog]

A letter to you, mon amour.

Exactly one year ago today, I was lucky enough to meet an incredible person who happened to be very hyper and very, very adorable. As soon as you started talking about The Office I immediately knew I wanted to chill with you 24/7. As you know, I had some shit going on back then with Suzy. 

But you let me complain about her and never told me to shut up??? Damn, amour. U the real MVP. Anyways, we ended up joining that RP in February and and then the whole “I like you” thing happened, and I was SO MAD when you were like “haha SIKE” I was like...umm?? No but tbh I thought you meant OOC because you were always so OOC and I wasn’t used to that. I was actually like...pretty bummed out when you said it wasn’t OOC tho.

BUT then the whole text app thing happened because my ass has been scarred by people online (esp Suzy) and I barely knew you. I remember how we talked about wanting to spend valentines day together, and I really wanted to. We’ll have a bomb ass Valentines day this year tho. Anyways, I felt bad. Because I was still with Suzy at the time. idk I ended up freaking out because I felt guilty about lying to you (the texting thingy) so I deleted the app and went M.I.A but then you were like, “hey uh...I wanna keep talking to you” and I was SO fucking relieved like honestly you have no idea.

In those few days that I disappeared, I really missed you. Even though we only knew each other for a month at that time. I liked talking to you far more than I liked talking to Suzy. Seriously, you should’ve seen my conversations with her. They moved so fcking slow. But with you there is always something to talk about and I genuinely love talking to you. 

I finally broke up with Suzy around March. It was so relieving and I could finally talk to you without feeling guilty. Then we joined that twitter rp and honestly roleplaying with you on twitter was so much fun. I hated twitter rps before I met you. They were so boring smh. But teasing you on the timeline, saying cheesy shit to you on the timeline (and taking 10000+ screenshots of those tweets) made me forget all about the Suzy drama. 

Holy shit do you remember how much we talked during the summer? We talked to each other all day every day 24/7 and I loved it. I think it was around mid-spring/early summer when I realized my feelings for you. I always knew I liked you more than just the typical roleplay-friend, but with all the BS I went through with Suzy I was just like...scared. But I knew it would be messed up to let you believe you were being led on, so I had to finally be like “I want you to be my thug princess”. 

After I finally cleared shit up, we got SO cheesy and more amour-y and that just made my fucking year. Minus the Phili trip when I was like, super bitter and missed you 24/7. Honestly, I can’t describe how happy I am when I talk to you, or how much you mean to me. You are literally the best thing that happened to me in 2016. The rest of 2016 can fucking delete itself.

Then late Sept/Early Oct happened and...yeah. Shit happened. I literally disappeared for fucking weeks and holy shit, I should’ve probably dropped you a message every few days (like I do now) so you could know I was alive smh. But you were there for me. It was literally the hardest thing i’ve had to go through in years, and you didn’t make it all about you, like Suzy would’ve. You allowed me to be alone, and you were there for me the entire time even though I couldn’t there for you for your birthday. 

Annnd here we are. A year later. I know i’ve been super busy these past few months and it really sucks that we can’t talk as much as we used to, but we will. I promise. The thug prince is nothing without his thug princess. The Chip to my otle, the La to my kers, the Angela to my Dwight and Pam to my Jim (back when they were a cute couple) you’re my #1 and coffee is my #2. If that doesn’t say a lot then idk what does.

I honestly hope I get to meet my lil doggo son one day. I wanna do cute couple things with you and like, binge watch all of the disney movies with you. All of them. Even the sad ones. I’ll hand you tissues throughout the movie dw amour we got this. This is so fucking long but I couldn’t help it. 

Amour, we pretty much already call each other boyfriend/girlfriend so like...can we make it official-official? You can totally say no if you feel like shit is going too fast but like, I just had to ask. I know I wanted to wait until you were 18 but we aren’t even going to meet until you’re 18 and like...I don’t want to have to wait for almost another entire year just to make shit official when it pretty much already is. But like I said, you can say no and i’ll 100% respect that. 

A letter to my #1 thug princess 

I love you, Kitkat. Happy one year anniversary. 

ur #1 thug prince,

Alex.

[verziehenone]

Video games ... what a past time.  So much time is spent on them, I can’t even imagine how many hours I have enjoyed building and breaking worlds, meeting and killing people, and just having the time of my life (lives) in virtual worlds.

Probably the first game I ever played was Tetris on the Gameboy.  The original Gameboy.  That bulky off-white thing that took 4 AA’s that seemed like nothing could keep it down.  Could probably have built a house outta those things.  And the battery life was pretty solid too! 

But soon I graduated to Mario, which was not awful on Gameboy.  Then came the big one: Pokemon.  Around then I upgraded to a Gameboy Pocket  The foldy one.  It went from a monochrome brown and green thing to a nice gray with black and white shades.  Terrific clarity! 

Then the Gameboy Color happened.  But before we get there ...

My first console was an Atari.  Good times on that thing.  Pitfall, some space game, and a few others that were equally blocky and terrifically entertaining in a way that many games just don’t capture now. 

Then was my Nintendo.  I think it was because I traded/sold my Atari at a garage sale or something, and boom, I was the proud owner of a Nintendo.  Eventually got me one of those sweet Duck Hunt guns (let’s be honest, that was basically the only game anyone used it on), and a few great games.  Zelda, a few Marios (Mario 3 will forever be amazing, but Mario 2 had it’s charm.) 

I did some swaparoos (involving a mountain bike and another Atari) but came back to the Nintendo.  That said, this was all around the time that friends of mine had the Sega Genesis or the Super Nintendo, and I was stuck with the lame-o OG Nintendo.  I even remember one time convincing my parents to spring for renting a Sega Genesis from Family Video (or whatever it was called) and using that Sega Channel (or whatever) to stream Mortal Kombat and another fighting game or two.  Don’t tell my parents, lots-o-blood.

Back to the portables.  Gameboy Color was a revolution.  Sure, Pokemon in color was amazing.  Any game (Final Fantasy Tactics, Super Mario, etc) but really, it was Pokemon.  And the reason they were amazing-er on the Gameboy Color?  It was backlit.  And that made ALL the difference at night.  No more huddling around a little nightlight or gripping a flashlight in my mouth to try to catch one more ‘mon, or just one more fight, one more ...

I had a Gamegear for a bit, which was the Sega competitor to the Gameboy.  Glorious color gaming, 8 AA batteries, big ole screen, but the games (other than Sonic I think) just weren’t there.  So I got rid of it, and eventually the glory of the Gameboy Advance happened.  The one with the big ole screen, that Super Mario was friggin’ amazing on.  And naturally, Pokemon again was amazing.  I eventually got me the next Gameboy (SP) the next foldy one, which was the last one before the 3DS (I think), which I never got (though I’d love one).

Console-wise, for the remainder of my pre-college life I was always a generation behind.  Everyone had the GameCube when I finally got an N64 (but don’t cry too hard, GoldenEye was worth the wait).  I finally got a PS1 in time for everyone to tell me how amazing the PS2 was.  This isn’t a sob story, just the result of growing up in a family where if I wanted a console, I had to buy it with my money.  So I did, and I was just more patient.  Though I was friends with people who had the latest and greatest.  At one point I had the 3 main consoles, (a generation late): the PS2, the GameCube, and the Dreamcast.  I felt like the toast of the land.  Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Crazy Taxi, Super Mario Sunshine, I had it all.  Good times.

Until!  The summer before college.  I had a few bucks put aside and wanted me a real gaming PC.  The one I had prior to that was a hand-me-down from my Youth Pastor that played StarCraft on it ... barely.  So this one, a big $600 beast, and I found myself loving the major boost in power that my Athlon something something gave me over the Pentium 2 I had prior.  Unreal Tournament was brilliant and I enjoyed so many great gaming experiences on that machine.  And Civilization 3 stole far far too many nights and days ... I spent hours and hours playing that.

Then college came!  And a credit card!  And I built a new computer!  And it was fast and had a pair of 17″ CRT monitors (I upgraded to 17″ widescreen LCDs) and it was glorious.  (GeForce 8800 GTS baby).  I did so much more gaming.  Eventually even got around to World of Warcraft, though I did enjoy plenty of non-PC gaming with pals on a variety of systems.

I played World of Warcraft heavily throughout college, spending 4-5 hours a night usually (still had a solid GPA and 2 part time jobs and a girlfriend, so I wasn’t a total loser) and it was wonderful.  I remember at one point I even played another MMO in my off time, and it was stupid and glorious and ridiculous.  I spent my non-PC gaming time playing a lot of the PS2 games I hadn’t beaten or just enjoyed like Final Fantasy 10 and Star Ocean and so on.  Big into RPGs.  I even got a PSP during that time for the Star Ocean 1 and 2 remakes and I still wish I had kept it, to be honest.

After college I was living with a roomie (from college) who I played World of Warcraft with, but also enjoyed the Nintendo Wii and PS3 he had.  We did a lot of great gaming on those systems, though I did a lot more PS3 than Wii stuff.  Rock Band became a past time for us (and I got quite good at Expert guitar, could play huge chunks of some songs with my eyes closed) and he was great a bass.  Stoke 3 live on!  And did I mention Fallout 3?  Ohhh man.  It never changes.

So I decided to buy an Xbox 360.  I never had an Xbox (though I did a little Halo in my time) I just decided that I wanted a console and should get one he didn’t have.  I also very much missed Fight Night (a boxing game) and wanted to play that again.  But the eventually I moved out and was on my lonesome and didn’t have a Blu-Ray player.  And have always been a Playstation guy.  So I sold the Xbox 360 and bought a Playstation 3. 

Until I got my bigscreen TV I didn’t do a ton of Playstation gaming, instead mostly doing PC (mostly World of Warcraft) gaming.  I did do a game here and there of other things but nothing memorable.

But, one day I powered down my computer, went to work, and came home only to find ... no power.  No response at all.  The reason this matters is I had just decided to come back to playing World of Warcraft (after a break that my then-girlfriend convinced me would save our relationship, because video games were our only problem -- nope), and was bummed I couldn’t.  I didn’t have the money to fix it so I returned to console gaming and enjoyed a lot of then-newer hits like Dragon Age: Origins, Darksiders 1, Dante’s Inferno, the Assassin’s Creed games, and a host of others that escape me.  I tend to not do a lot of shooters on console, preferring them on PC.  GameFly helped me fly through games pretty quickly so I was able to save quite a bit of money by not buying all of them.

A few months later I was living with a new friend and decided to research how to fix my computer, and found it was much cheaper than expected.  So I got a new motherboard and some new ram and was up and running in time to enjoy Star Wars: The Old Republic, a new MMO.  It was amazing and super super fun leveling and the story was great ... until you hit max level like you ran into a wall.  So then I got into Skyrim and a few other games, working my way through the different PC games I had missed out on (like Mass Effect 1-3, Dragon Age 2, and some others). 

Living with some new friends I was introduced to other games I’d never heard of or played, like Guild Wars 2, Dark Souls, and

Time moves on again and I decided to swap out some newer parts and make my machine more future-proof, since I had a baby on the way and would never have money again until a bit later.  I also used some of my birthday money and Christmas money on a PS4.  So I was set.  Like a rockstar.  A rockstar who enjoyed Madden and Grand Theft Auto V and so on.  And Far Cry and Crysis and Wolfenstein and not World of Warcraft.  I had been done for a long time.  Partly due to time and partly due to money and partly due to a lack of interest.

Skipping around a bit to the present, I’m still and always will be a gamer.  I still don’t have a 3DS, as much as I’d love to have one for Pokemon, but I have a PS4 and my wife has a Switch, and my PC is still gettin’ love when it gets a bit outta date.  Never going to have a bleeding edge waste-of-money PC but I will always strive to be caught up to play the latest games.

I am back into World of Warcraft again, playing with a prior roommate and some other really great guys, and it’s being managed much more carefully than before.  Outside of that, I’ve been playing Uncharted 4, Overwatch, Diablo 3, Civilization 6 (Oh my gosh I love Civ) and a smattering of others.  I still have my Gameboy SP with Pokemon Red and Yellow and Gold (I think).  I also had a Playstation Vita briefly but decided it just wasn’t for me.

I have a long list of games I want to play so I won’t list them all.  (Yes I will, because this is my blog).  In no particular order:

Stardew Valley (In progress)

Mad Max (In progress)

Bloodborne (In progress)

Dark Souls 3

Torment: Tides of Numenara

Wasteland 2

Pillars of Eternity

Rise of the Tomb Raider

Dying Light

Doom

Watch Dogs 2

Dishonored 2

Final Fantasy 15

Nioh

Persona 5

Horizon Zero Dawn

Mass Effect: Andromeda

Red Dead Redemption 2

Injustice 2

I’m a gamer at my core and a good gaming experience is something so hard to communicate to those who haven’t found a game that tickles their fancy.  But when a person finds that game that challenges them in the right way, entertains them or entrances them, and they just can’t put it down ... that’s just the best.  (And in this post I’m not talking board games or mobile phone games, those are entirely different posts).

This really just scratches the surface of my gaming time, thoughts, and philosophy about games.  I have so many thoughts and ideas, so many memories and experiences, and so many terrific games that I loved and can’t wait to try ... it’s just a matter of the same thing it always was: Making sure that it is always secondary to real life, real people, and the stuff that really matters.  Otherwise... game on.

[13thsongbird]

If there’s one thing I am in constant need of in my wardrobe, it’s long-sleeved shirts. T-shirts, blouses, sweatshirts, what have you – any category you could describe, I assure you, I don’t have enough of them. Part of this is simply that I don’t go clothes shopping super often anymore (“I could make that!”, blithely forgetting to ask whether I will have time to make that…), but it is also because long sleeves are notoriously difficult for me to find in RTW. As stated at the top of the blog, I’m a tall gal, and at 5’11” my arms are proportional to my body and my shoulders are decently broad. This leads to a loooooot of chilly wrists. And nobody likes chilly wrists!

Okay, my wrists may still be slightly chilly – but it’s an improvement!

So when Seamwork’s November issue dropped, I was very excited. Know what else I am in need of in my wardrobe? Henley tops! I love the interest a placket gives to an otherwise simple t-shirt, and the relaxed fit has always been a favorite of mine – so the Elli Henley was like an answer to a prayer I didn’t know I’d prayed. I used one of my points to snap up the pattern straight away, and then on further perusal of the issue I ran across their tutorial to hack the Elli into a casual knit dress. Ka-ching! Compared to my collection of long-sleeved and winter-appropriate dresses, my collection of long-sleeved shirts seems positively bountiful, so I knew that while I definitely needed to crank out a handful of shirts, I also had to try at least one dress.

Luckily, I’d found the most delicious ponte on one of my periodic dives into Chic Fabric‘s bargain bin – definitely poly, but soft and beefy with a very cool burnout texture that contrasted matte and satiny patches over the fabric’s surface. I’d been seduced by the heft and the large-scale pink floral print, and while I didn’t know what I was going to make with it when I bought it, it immediately flew into my head when I thought of the Elli dress. So far, so good! I printed out the pattern, pieced everything together, then traced off a size 14 and followed the tutorial to lengthen  the front and back to midi dress length, adding 1″ of length at the bust so the waist hit me in the right spot (#longtorsoprobs) and 22 1/2″ total to the bottom, also marking for a 14″ slit on each side. I roughly laid things out on my fabric to make sure I would have enough, started cutting, and then – I stopped. The holidays were creeping up, I was supposed to be working on presents, and my selfish sewing got pushed to the side. It wasn’t until after Christmas that I was able to finish cutting out all my pieces and start putting Elli together.

See here: me, when I finally got to return to my personal sewing after the holidays!

Putting together the dress was simple enough – I used my regular machine set to a narrow zig-zag for all the seams, and a straight stitch on a slightly longer stitch length than I would usually use for the placket. My fabric was thicker and slightly less stretchy than what the pattern was designed for, so I had to get a little physical wrestling all the layers of the placket under my presser foot, and the banded neckline could have been maybe half an inch longer to make up for the lack of stretch (there’s a little bit of puckering), but overall things came together quickly and easily. In the course of a single late-night sewing session, I had a dress, and I was quick to slip it over my head and see how it fit.

It was… not great. I didn’t take pictures but trust me when I say I thought I looked like I was wearing a tube sock. The Elli is designed to have none to negative ease in the bust and hips, with slightly more ease through the waist, and is somewhat loose-fitting through the shoulders. Add to this that I have a sway back that I almost never make adjustments for (oops) and my ponte was much more structured than the pattern was drafted for, and you get a mess of pull lines, pooling fabric, and a less-than-flattering dress. I was bummed, and Elli got put in time-out for a little bit while I chewed over what I could do to salvage her. I loved the fabric, and I still wasn’t willing to let go of the dress I had in my head. Days later, I put the dress on again, and found that while I still wasn’t completely happy with the fit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I remembered, and I jumped back in with some safety pins and a new zeal.

That slit tho!

In the end, I only made a couple adjustments: I straightened out the hip curves to reduce excess fabric, and put two fish-eye darts into the lower back to take in the fabric  that was pooling there. I did consider trying to fit the sleeve cap more closely to my shoulder, but in the end decided I wasn’t looking for a bodycon dress that hugged my every curve. The ease of a henley is what I was after, after all! This also let me accept the minimal drag lines and folds around the bust – short of adding even more darts into what was supposed to be an easy knit dress, I would never be able to eliminate them all, so I took them as part of the henley dress package and moved the hell on. About half an hour to hem the side slits, bottom, and sleeves, and I was finished!

I’m thrilled with this dress now. Not even 24 hours on from finishing it, I’ve been wearing it for the majority of the hours I’ve been awake since then, and it’s everything I wanted in a winter dress. Could I have made the sleeves just an inch longer? Sure! Do the ends of the fisheye darts bubble just a little bit on my ass, and not respond to pressing Yeah! Are the sleeves just a hair tighter than is ideal? Maybe! Is the fabric slightly sheer so you get a decent impression of whatever underwear (or fleece tights) I’m wearing underneath? Yup! But it’s warm, it’s comfortable as hell, and I was able to work through my fit issues to end up with an infinitely wearable dress. Plus, it’s covered in enormous flowers! With the sub-zero windchill that has descended upon NYC in the last 48 hours, I am loving how springy this dress makes me feel, while still knowing I’ll be snug and warm inside its long-sleeved embrace. To be sure, I’ll be choosing a much stretchier and/or drapier fabric for the many Elli shirts I plan on making soon, but for my first time making a pattern – and without making a muslin – I’d call this a rousing success.

Bubble butt! And not in the good way… but not too bad!

Is something on my shoe??

That stank face 🙂

Trying for a sexy librarian vibe here I think?

On a different note, part of the reason I know how cozy this dress is, is because I wore it out into the cold last night after finishing it! Friends and I had purchased tickets before temperatures fell for the one-day in-theaters showing of They Shall Not Grow Old, Peter Jackson’s collaboration with the Imperial War Museum in honor of the centenary of the end of WWI. Had the tickets been for any other movie I would have cancelled, but yesterday was literally the only day it was being shown in theaters in NYC, so I gamely bundled up and braved the cold and I am so glad I did! If you have any interest at all in history, or human beings, you should see this movie. Almost the entirety of the film is archival footage from WWI, carefully restored and much of it also colorized, and the audio commentary is entirely taken from BBC audio interviews with veterans recorded in the 60s and 70s. The result is a movie that looks like it could have been shot a decade or so ago, not over 100 years – the quality of the images is obviously nowhere near today’s HD, but the frame rate of the playback has been matched as closely as possible to the frame rate the footage was shot at, over-exposed film or film blackened by age has been digitally enhanced so you can see every detail, and suddenly these men are real people again up onscreen. Coupled with the voices of these same men, decades later, reminiscing about what the war meant for them and how they lived as soldiers, it’s an incredibly powerful experience and one that I’d highly recommend. There are some graphic moments – trench foot and gangrene could have done without the enhancement, in my opinion – but Peter Jackson has stated that his aim was to create a documentary of the war as it was lived by the average British soldier, and I think he did a splendid job. The part that got me the most was probably the long litany of men at the very beginning, telling how young they were when they enlisted and how easy it was to lie about their age – boys of 14 and 15 were told to “go outside and have a birthday and come back” if they came in to enlist and didn’t think to lie about their age first thing. It’s easy to treat history as a far-off, dusty thing, but World War I was something that happened, in real time, to real people, and given that we live in what we know even now will be historic times someday, I think it’s both important and comforting to remember that.

The Elli Henley Dress If there's one thing I am in constant need of in my wardrobe, it's long-sleeved shirts. T-shirts, blouses, sweatshirts, what have you - any category you could describe, I assure you, I don't have enough of them.

[existentialquasar]

Random Quiz

Birthday

2nd July

Age

26

Astrological sign

Technically Gemini, I am traditionally seen as a cancer (wow, that phrasing). No idea why this is important and surely this could be figured out by reading the first answer

Middle name

Conway

Parents' names

Linda/Ross

Names of sibling(s), if any

Only child

Birth order

N/A

Name of their first pet, if any

I had fish and a stick insect but they didn’t really do much. I count a pet as an animal that interacts with you in some way, so my first ‘real’ pet was a rabbit and his name was Bramwell

The name of current pet(s), if any

None

Favorite movie

Movie’s’* one is hard to do

>Children of Men

>Amélie

>There Will Be Blood

 Favorite TV show

Not gonna lie its probs GoT but South Park is up there and I religiously watched Friends in my teenage years

Favorite book

The Fall by Albert Camus, I still haven’t fully comprehended it but that is part of the fun, the bits I understand ring true for me and I find Camus’s absurdist approach to philosophy exhilarating

Favorite band

In terms of bands Blur and the Smiths are probably the top two but my top five favorite artists are; 1.Björk (the empress herself) 2.Tom Waits 3.Atmosphere 4.St. Vincent 5.FKA Twigs

Favorite food

Tuna pasta bake (particularly if its made by the mother :D)

Least favorite food

Tinned tomatoes, beetroot and most vegetables if they are on their own

Preferred pizza toppings

PINEAPPLE ALL DAY, yes I am one of those and if you’re not, then fuck you. I kid of course, dislike whatever you want, just keep your inferior tastes away from me (;D)

Favorite soda

Not really a fan of sodas to be honest, water will do or some kind of chocolate drink if I am feeling adventurous 

Favorite alcoholic drink

Spirits mainly, Pimms with lemonade hits the spot. Won’t say no to a good ol’ cider once in a while

Their eye color

Blue

Where I grew up

Sandwell, no I am not from Birmingham for those who insist the black country and Brum are the same thing, you’re wrong, thx 4 askin tho

Cat person or a Dog person or both or neither

I gravitate towards cats but dogs do seem to love me though

Best friend

Bo 4eva

How I take my coffee

I shot espressos 

Favorite season

Autumn Favorite sexual position

Wouldn’t you like to know... Probably not actually :( xD

Dream job

At this point probably a writer. During college and university I would have told you something to do with film, to quote a Twenty One Pilots lyric;

And since we know all dreams are dead/And life turns plans up on their head/I will plan to be a bum/So I just might become someone

The worst job I ever had

I got on with the people there but working as a waiter at mecca bingo was soul destroying, however I don’t regret it, precisely because the struggle was real and I see value in it, plus I have some fun memories of the people I worked with

Favorite sports team

West Bromwich Albion, honestly never get into football. You don’t have a favorite team, you have a passion that will crush you week in, week out despite the few moments of elation along the way. Honesty I don’t think I even enjoy football anymore, it feels more like a necessity and a very expensive one too!!!

Allergies are

Once I had a server allergy to Brazil nuts but I grew out of that one, now I have less harmful allergies such as pesto and some cats and dogs (but not all weirdly)

Biggest celebrity crush

My crush one Jennifer Lawrence was pretty immense not gonna lie, these days celebrities bug me, I do have a small crush on Carey Mulligan though, looks, personalty plus I love almost all the characters she portrays

Whether I can roll my tongue

Yes :S

The name of my first love

I’d rather not share that here

The name of my favorite coworker

I work with one of my closest friends now, so definitely not them! Just kidding its PJ

If I’m left-handed or right-handed

Righty

Nickname

Scizzle (now out of use) ( I was a grime kid, don’t judge me)

Scooter

Parents' jobs 

My dad is basically a mechanic (long story short)

My mom chose not to go back to work after giving birth to me, although tiding the house, looking after my nan before she passed, often making the dinner are all jobs in their own right and shouldn’t be undermined 

Favorite school subject

History, a piss poor standard of teaching, not necessarily our teachers fault but those of us on the back row always had a laugh and the field trips were legendary 

Least favorite school subject

Maths, poor teaching meant I never progressed much, the class itself was a nightmare though, uncontrollable, sympathies for the teacher 

Biggest fear

>Being inherently and innately inadequate

>Lack of consciousness, irrational though that is

>Time

What year I graduated high school

2007... I think? God it feels so long ago

What year I graduated college

Now I understand this is an American centric quiz, so if you mean by college ‘University’ that was 2013, in Britain college is a different level of education, I graduated college in 2009 (again, I think, cut me some slack it was a long time ago) 

Do I like camping

Probably more as an idea than in practice. I have camped at festivals, all great experiences. The camping itself was less desirable Favorite ice cream flavor Chocolate fudge

Ice cream in a cone or a cup

Cone

Do I like spicy food

Hell yeah

Am I vegan or vegetarian

Hell no. I kid of course, whilst I am neither, I would prefer to be a vegan for ethical reasons (although not the stereotypical judgmental moralistic type that people rightly dislike) and there are a few vegan alternatives I love. In truth, I wouldn’t have much of a diet if I was a vegan. That being said I haven’t made any big steps towards becoming one and researching a way I could function with that diet so the fault lies with me, the contradictions are on my head alone  

Cake or pie

Cake? No pie. Actually Cake! Or pie. Nope cake, final answer. Next question, hurry please

If I prefer the sheets to be tucked in or untucked at the end of the bed

Untucked purely because of ease of entry/exit and movement

Favorite swear word

Swear words are overrated, but if I have to... The most offensive one that isn’t discriminatory is cunt so I’ll go with that (XD)