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danoberry · 2 years

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★ sugar baby (burt fabelman x reader) SMUT 18+

description: you notice an attractive older man taking a seat close to you on a park bench. you didn’t know he would end up spending so much to make you happy when you finally talked to him.

content: 18+ SMUT!!!, age gap (reader is of age obviously), burt is a sugar daddy, burt is also very much a dad, takes place after the movie “the fabelmans,” lots of use of “bunny” and pet names, cunnilingus, overstim, fingering, cum play if you squint

pronouns: you/yours (female reader)

wc: 3.5k

afab genitalia

A/N :

i wanted to post something on christmas for everyone but sadly i just did not have the motivation. so i present this instead (thank you to everyone in the discord server who encouraged this fic- it’s one of my favs now). happy new year’s eve!

Burt Fabelman takes a seat not a terribly great distance from you. He reads a book- a manual of some sort- while his fingers tip-tap on his thigh. You watch the man with intent. He must be approaching his 40s, you think. The minute stubble growing on his chin and pudginess on his stomach are pure indicators. There’s something about him that’s attracting you. The way he’s carrying himself, the way he’s handling everything he has in his clutch with care. Your cheeks started to heat up just looking at the man. You would’ve never expected him to be a sugar daddy.

I’m probably half his age! Who am I kidding? You think to yourself, taking your eyes off of him and looking down at the concrete. A homewrecker is never something you’d want to be labeled. You drown in thought as your eyes stare a hole into the ground, until a voice startles you, almost out of your seat.

“Hon?”

You look up, and there he is. The man you were just fixated on, right in front of you. Your face flushes a deep red. You can feel the heat in your neck.

“Oh- hi!” You say with innocence, like you weren’t just staring at him like he was eye candy.

“I uh… saw you staring a second ago. Are you alright?”

You smile, incredibly nervous. “Yeah! Hah… I’ve always had a staring problem.” You watch him slightly cock his eyebrow.

“I mean- I didn’t mean to stare so much… I’m sorry.” You blush deeper, heating up.

“Oh honey, it’s alright! I was just making sure you were doing okay! You seemed a bit… disheveled.” He sits down right next to you, as you curse yourself internally. Your legs slowly turn to jello.

“Nope! I’m doing pretty good…”

“I’m glad to hear that… I have a few kids who I can usually tell when they’re not alright. Of course they’re with their mom for the season… I guess I was trying to find someone to take care of when they’re away!” He laughs.

You sit there with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Not necessarily uncomfortable from the man himself, but from the fact he was making you feel so damn flustered. You giggle at his remark, before he speaks again.

“I’m sure you have children of yourself, what’s a girl like yourself doing at a park with nobody?”

You actually laugh this time.

“Kids? Absolutely not, not yet.”

“Really? I mean- you definitely don’t look old, definitely not as old as me, but you seem mature!” He says with genuine surprise.

“Oh, sir, I don’t even have a boyfriend- let alone a child.”

“Wow!” He breathes out. “It’s Burt, by the way, Burt Fabelman. No need to call me sir, you’d make me feel too old.”

“Oh no, that’s not what I meant by it all!” You defend, scared that you blew it. But he’s quick to reassure you simply.

“It’s okay hon, I know.”

You sit there for a moment, twiddling your thumbs, and look back up at him. Burt’s staring down at you. When his eyes meet yours, he smiles. It’s warm, sweet. It gives you a tingly feeling in your core.

“Are you really alright?” He asks again, concerned. “Your face is very red…”

He lays the back of his palm on your forehead and you feel like you’re going to explode.

“No, I’m fine, really!”

He chuckles at your response and feels your cheek with the back of his hand, still very concerned with your state.

“I have four kids, I know when they’re lying, too, honey.”

You hesitate. Should I lie? You debate. You revel in the consequences before you finally decide that you would come clean. You have nothing to lose, you don't even know the man, hardly.

“Do you want the truth?” You ask, fiddling with your dress.

“If it’s not gonna scare me off,” he says as he laughs.

“Well,” you start, ”this is embarrassing, but I saw you sitting on that bench, and I thought you were attractive and I guess I couldn’t stop staring- and I know that sounds really weird but It wasn’t like I was going to just get up and walk on over to say ‘Hello!’ because God only knows-”

“Woah! Hey!”

You bury your face as deep as they could possibly go into your hands out of embarrassment. God, you think, I sound like a fucking baby!

“I’m not mad at you!” He laughs. Oh. “Quite frankly, I think you’re beautiful... actually, way out of my league! Why would such a young, pretty girl want anything to do with an old man like me?”

Oh…?

“I… you just look like you know how to take care of someone… and I think you’re quite handsome,” You reply shyly, not daring to look up at him.

“Well aren’t you just so sweet,” Burt replies affectionately, coddling you. “Look up at me, please.”

You look up into his eyes, afraid yet unable to look away.

“How about this… I can take you back to your car, and I’ll give you my phone number so we can talk about it this evening. Does that sound good to you?”

You nod your head and walk with him to your car. If he were any other older man walking you to your car, you would have been exceedingly uncomfortable, but Burt Fabelman had a comforting presence as he loomed over you.

Approaching your car, your lips curl into a smile when you sit in the front seat.

“Do you have a napkin?” He asks.

You reply with a simple “mhm” and hand him a napkin after digging through your purse.

He grabs a pen from his coat pocket and clicks it, writing his phone number on the napkin laying against his hand. You watch him finish his writing and hand the napkin back to you, leaning over the car. You stare at the writing, before looking back at him as he stands over you.

“Promise me you’ll call?” He asks with a smile.

“I’m looking forward to it, Burt.”

…

Over the next few days you and Burt constantly talk over the phone. You even leave a chair under the phone on the wall for when either of you decide to call. You learn much about him over the days following— and vice versa.

Those late night phone calls turn into less of casual discussions of the past, and more playful conversations of the present. You slowly realize how much of a flirt Burt can become when he’s comfortable. He proposes the idea of a date while you fiddle with the cord one late night, saying, “I can’t wait to see you again, bunny. Let me take you somewhere— the shops. I’ll get you whatever you want.”

Burt was more than delighted to hear you’d be willing to go on a date with him. He hadn’t gone on a real date in years, and he was glad he’d be able to go on one with you. It was kind of strange for a first date, you thought, to go to the shops instead of the traditional dinner at a fancy restaurant, but you wouldn’t dare complain about getting spoiled by a charming, handsome older man.

You decide on a pretty dress and flats, adorning yourself with silver jewelry and floral perfume. Lipstick paints your lips and mascara enhances your eyelashes with every flutter. You carry your purse under your arm as you walk to the entrance, looking around for any sign of Burt. Almost immediately, he catches your eye. He stands tall next to the fountain, his glasses seated on his nose quite low, in a turtleneck and a blazer, an outfit that made you heat up admiring him.

Your face flushes as you stare up at him.

“Hey, sweetheart!” he breathes quietly, pushing your hair behind your ear.

“Hi- thanks for inviting me here,” you say as you smile at him.

“Of course. Where did you want to go first?”

“Uhh- well, I have been wanting to hear the new ‘Temptations’ record.“

Burt chuckles, “Oh honey, I’d be more than glad to get you a record, but what do you really want?”

You tap your foot out of nervousness, you didn’t really think he was being serious when he told you he’d buy you whatever you wanted on that phone call a few nights prior. “If I was being honest I’d really appreciate some new earrings, but you don’t-“

“Okay, then that’s what we’ll look at! Is that okay? I can get your record, too.”

You feel slightly aghast by his offer, but you’re quick to comply. “I mean, it sounds good to me!”

“Great,” He says, holding his hand out for you to grasp.

You take his hand and walk with him down the atrium, to the jewelry store. When you arrive, you both are greeted by a salesperson who helps you pick out a beautiful pair of earrings: pretty diamond studs. Despite your protests to Burt, because of how expensive they turn out to be, he buys them for you.

“You really don’t have to spend this much money on me- I appreciate it so much, Burt, but really-“

“A beautiful lady like you needs a beautiful pair of earrings. Don’t mention it, doll. I insist.”

He walks with you out of the store, holding the bag for you.

“You should put your earrings in, I want to see them!”

“Oh,” you started, “sure, why not!”

He holds the bag up to you to take the earrings out and put them in your ears. After you do this, you place the box back into the bag, thanking him again.

“They’re gorgeous,” Burt says, astonished.

“Thank you,” you say, grinning wide.

He kisses you on the cheek and looms over you again.

“Not as gorgeous as you though, for sure.”

“Thank you,” is all you can dreamily mutter again, blushing at the floor.

You hold Burt’s hand on the walk to the record store, blushing the way there. You arrive and quickly find what you’re looking for. You head to the register alone, but Burt insists you pick out a few more, and one for him to listen to. You pick up The Beatles, Beach Boys, and a few more with interesting covers. At the checkout, he forks out money from his wallet like it was nothing, rubbing your shoulder with his left hand.

You two walk out of the store hand in hand, and mutually decide it’s time to go home, though neither of you want to truly leave each other's company. When you both reach the front gate, he asks if you want to sit in his car and talk for a moment. You immediately oblige and walk with him, taking a seat in the front passenger.

“I don’t want to leave right now- I feel like I could spend hours with you,” you say with ruby-red cheeks, looking down at your feet.

“I don’t want to leave you either, bunny. Look at me.”

He gently tilts your head up at him, using the back of his palm against your chin.

“Do you want to come home with me tonight? I’ll make sure we come back and get your car in the morning.”

You look in Burt’s eyes for a moment and nod your head. He leans into you and plants a kiss on your lips, letting it linger for a moment, and pulls away.

“Throw the stuff in the back. I’ll take you, baby.”

Your eyes frost over with tears formed from pure excitement, and a haze prohibits your view while you grin secretly, looking out the window.

You put your bags in the back and he drives off with you almost giggling in the passenger seat. You admire him at stoplights, his stature, mixed with the glow of the red, yellow, green on his face. You couldn’t believe it. He’s taking you back to his house. Who knows what you’re about to do.

He pulls into his dark driveway and turns off the engine, stepping out, as you do the same. He shows you to the front door, and you both walk into the beautiful living room together, surrounded by windows. He turns on the light behind you and hangs his blazer on the rack.

“Wanna sit?” He asks as you walk in, motioning over to the couch.

“Oh, yeah sure.”

“Make yourself comfortable, hon.”

You watched him grab two glasses of water from the kitchen and walk over to you, sitting them down on the coffee table and sitting down himself.

“You really are such a beautiful lady, you know?”

“Thank you, Burt,” you flustered. “You’re very handsome as well.”

“I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet someone as pretty and sweet as you are, dear. You make me feel wonderful.”

“I feel wonderful when I’m with you, too.”

A grin formed on Burt’s face and he leaned to kiss you, to which you completely oblige as you deepen the kiss, humming into his mouth. Burt lays one of his large hands on your thigh, playing with his thumb, rubbing under the hem of your dress. His calloused fingertips toyed with the fabric.

“Do you like it when I touch you there?”

You nodded your head.

“Okay, baby.”

You feel your pussy slowly start to ache as he rubs your inner thigh, kissing you hungrily. You feel completely swallowed by your attraction to him, as you spread your thighs apart and invite his hand farther up your dress.

“Please, Burt,” you whisper.

“I’ll take care of you, bunny.”

He picks you up bridal style and kisses you again, walking you back to his room. You're placed on the bed and Burt lifts up the bottom of your dress, exposing your lace panties and the lower half of your stomach.

“You wear these often?” He asks, gently squeezing the meat of your thigh.

“Not necessarily…” you shyly remark.

“They’re cute, sweetheart. Red’s your color.”

He dips down and kisses you again. “Can I get this dress off of you?

You squeak, absolutely overtaken by affection, “Mhm.”

You sit up and Burt helps you take the dress off above your head. You feel exposed— lying there in your lace, while he hovers over you fully clothed. The feeling doesn’t last long, however, because before you know it, Burt is taking off his turtleneck and you see his pudgy belly sitting at the top of his pants.

“I’m gonna fuck you so good, bunny. You want me to fuck you, hm?”

“Yes, daddy,” you whisper boldly.

“I haven’t heard that one before,” Burt chuckles. “Daddy’s gonna make you feel good, bunny. Come here.”

You sit up and get closer to him, batting your eyes. He cups your cheek in his hand, rubbing it with his thumb. You kiss and nuzzle into the side of his hand, looking up at Burt with a neediness in your eyes.

“Such a pretty baby,” he says, in awe. “Lay back.”

You obey his demand and lay on your back, your breasts almost spilling out of your bra. Burt leans over you and puts his hands behind your back, unsnapping your bra and taking it off. He cups one of your tits and pinches your nipple, requiting a squeak out of your mouth. Burt laughs and kisses your forehead, apologizing for shocking you like that, before he trails his fingers down your body, making you shiver in reaction.

Burt grabs your sides and shifts you forward, beginning to peel off the sides of your lace panties. The slick, already formed on your panties, strung out for a moment while you watch him slowly peel them off, from your thighs to off of your ankles.

“So wet,” you hear him purr.

He takes his thumb and lays it over your sensitive clit, making you hum a moan. He leans over the bed and brings his face to your heat, pulsing with need. You feel his hot breath against your folds, before he brings his lips to you, collecting your slick with his tongue, lapping up and down as you begin to cry out moans and curses.

You feel him fuck you with his tongue and suck at your clit, making your back arch away from the matress. You hold his head down with your hand, screaming out against your other one. Your thighs begin to squeeze together as you cry out his name, almost squeezing his head along with them. You feel Burt take his rough hands and use both of them to hold your legs down on each side, squeezing into the plush of your thighs. The resistance turns you on more than you already are.

He takes one of his hands off of your thigh and uses them to spread around your pussy, lathering his fingers with fluid, pushing one into you while he sucks you all that he could. He begins slowly, but gets decently faster as he curls into you perfectly. You feel the knot in your stomach forming as he gets faster with his movements. You moan his name more and more, giving him validation that he’s doing a good job.

Your walls tighten around his fingers, making it harder for Burt to curl in and out of you. You feel your impending orgasm build and build as you try to relax your muscles and prolong your pleasure.

“C’mon, I know you can do it bunny. Cum all over my fingers,” Burt praises.

“Burt I- ohh- I- fuck!”

Your orgasm crashes over you in a huge wave, your muscles contract while you pant and repeat his name like a prayer. You notice your orgasm slowly calming, but your arousal sticking, and you realize he never stopped finger-fucking you in the first place.

“O-Oh, baby! Ah-hnng… Burt!”

He kisses up your stomach with wet lips.

“I told you I was gonna fuck you good, bunny.” He raises his eyebrows and pulls his fingers out of you, smearing the cum all over the front of your cunt, all spent and red and wet, and wiping the rest on your tits, hardening your nipples from cold air.

Burt picks you up by the hips again and adjusts you towards the headboard, shuffling off his pants and underwear. He towers over you, his cock leaking from his bright pink tip, thick enough to stretch you out but not long enough to hurt your cervix.

“You ready for my cock, hon? Gonna let daddy stretch you out?”

“Mmm, ‘m so ready, ‘m so ready, daddy,” you say, though absolutely spent.

Burt spends no time hesitating to lather his cock with your juices, feeling your folds with his thickness and slowly putting himself inside you. You mewl as he leans over your body, his lower half deliciously touching your clit. You feel overstimulated but absolutely desperate for his body to be close to yours.

He fucks into you while wet noises fill the room, combining with your moans of ecstasy and his groans and grunts of pleasure. Your legs wrap around his back and he uses his hands to cup behind your head, bringing your bodies closer together. Your foreheads touch together, and Burt looks into your eyes, overwhelmed by your beauty and how good you make him feel.

“Mm- Burt, baby, hnng- Daddy… please,” you cry out, salivating, pinching your eyes shut as he rutted into you and tears fell down your face, so close you could feel the heat radiating off of your bodies.

“Take it… all for me… bunny.”

Burt gives you a kiss, mid moan, and by the time the kiss was over, your second orgasm happened almost immediately, crashing over you harder than your previous one. You let out a scream of pleasure while he fucked into you a few more times, finally cumming as well, painting your walls with warm, thick stripes of cum, that made your cunt clench even harder from the feeling.

Burt kisses you again, slowly removing his cock from your dripping pussy, spewing it out with a pulse. Cum pools below your thighs, making the sheet sticky from under you. You both know it— it’s gross, but neither of you want to leave each other’s company. He lays down beside you, while your eyes flutter. You look cock-drunk from your drool and tears.

“You’re so good baby,” he kisses you. “You’re so good for me.”

Burt puts the hair out of your face before you reply.

“Thank you so much, Burt ,” you say with a yawn and a smile.

“Of course, my pretty girl.”

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the-martyrfication-of-the-matron · 3 months

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S1, Ep19, Zenix attacks Aphmau when she finds him after he kidnaps Burt, but I stay true in my ‘he cares about her allegations’ because why else would he say:

“This is for the good of everyone, you will know his rule. I’m sorry Lady Aphmau.”

Note, he only attacks her when she finds his little hidy hole, not in the nether when she first sees him, and he sees her too. It wasn’t his first plan, even though he probably would’ve had the advantage in the nether, with the other SKs being there… so attacking her is clearly just a result of circumstance. Whatever his plan is, he can’t have her interfering. It was fine back when she just knew he was probably involved and an SK, he didn’t hurt her at that point, it was only when she got too close.

As for his plan: I know he’s saying his plan is with bringing back the Shadow of the King (current lore, later changed to the Shadow Lord), but I don’t really believe that, at least not fully? It’s not his sole motivation at least. We know Zenix later on doesn’t subscribe to the SK cult mentality, and Early Zenix even enjoys having Aph as a Lord… so, Shadow Lord supremacy seems like a weird little… thing to put between that, unless it’s sort of just part of his whole ‘anti lord’ thing that he’s working through. He’s got issues, I’ll let him be a little messy about his reasonings.

#aphmau #aphverse #aphblr

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androidcharles · 2 months

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So I probably won't have any art to share until much later in the day due to the fact that I have to work most of the day today, BUT I do have something to say in regards to the fandom and community itself.

I ended up getting into Henry Stickmin around the middle of 2022. I watched a vtuber play it and suddenly I was hooked on the universe, it's characters, and of course the story itself. And making fan art of these marshmallow dudes was my first step back into storytelling to a major audience.

It's hard to believe that I actually got brave enough to publish fanfic again because of this series, but I'm super happy that I did. Granted, I haven't published anything major since then, but I'm hoping that I'll get the motivation to do so soon, as the end of this year is coming up and I did promise myself that I'd at least have it published by the end of this year...

But enough negative talk, I just wanna focus on the fact that of all the communities that I've been a part of, this has been the most enjoyable. I love talking to you guys, seeing headcanons and theories, THE OCS OF COURSE, and just seeing everyone coming together to draw fan art of these silly stickmen themselves, whether human, marshmallow style, or just in stick form.

I may end up moving onto a different community soon, I may end up forgetting some of you guys, but I still love each and every one of you in this moment right now. I hope that no matter where our paths diverge, we'll still stay silly, no matter what. Thank you to everyone within this wonderful community for helping me understand more about myself and motivating me to continue creating.

I esp wanna thank everyone for putting up with my Burt Burt vtuber schtick as well, which is not going away anytime soon, I'm having a little too much fun with it. Maybe one day, I'll be joined by like minded peeps who wanna collab with me, but for now, I'm riding solo for the time being.

I'd @ several people here at this point, but I think you guys know who you are, so thank you guys for being so patient and kind with me despite my... tendency to be an attention whore. You guys are the real heroes.

And thank you Puffs for Henry Stickmin and his games, let's hope for another year of fun and good times, regardless of how obscure this game becomes.

#the narrator speaks #not main tagging this but you can rb if you wish #sorry if it seems a bit weird in some places #i'm not good at putting my thoughts into words

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athetos · 8 months

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Okay, a bunch of theories (and mysteries that need to be solved) for severance season 2 I’ve conjured up:

- Irving’s outtie is actually undercover, and might have figured out a way to recall some of his memories, even if it’s only in dreams or through art - he keeps painting the hallway to the test floor, and occasionally paint drips when his innie is at work. The fact he already had Burt’s address written and circled on the map also lends a lot of credence to this theory. Plus, while the stuff was hidden in a false bottom, I kind of wonder if he expected at one point for his innie to take over outside of work. He could have used a cipher for his information, but chose not to. Maybe his chip was tampered with by the same woman who reintegrated petey… maybe they’re working together?

- and he’s so intent on exposing Lumon because he knows that they’re planning to use this shit for military purposes. It always goes back to finding ways to kill other people, and what’s better than soldiers with no baggage or memories of home to weigh them down, that have literally nothing to live for outside of war, and at the end the original consciousness won’t have ptsd or be able to leak information?

- was all the navy stuff really Irving’s, or his father’s, or a mix of both? Is he trying to avenge his father who died in war, potentially due to Lumon’s involvement? I’m betting it’s that.

- Gemma was absolutely a test to see if mark would recognize her, and he couldn’t. But why use her as a guinea pig? She supposedly died in the car accident a minimum of one month before mark joined Lumon, and mark has been there 2 years, with ms Clare only being awake for a little over 100 hours in that time. No, they had her in their possession before he joined. I think they might have been looking for test subjects, and had enough power and money to straight up abduct people with severe injuries from the hospital and tell their families they died. Or, perhaps Gemma was conscious and they got her to consent to experimental life-saving medical procedures from Lumon, with the caveat that she would work for the company afterwards… and never leave it, living on the test floor. Probably left that part out though.

- the “revolving” is probably some shit where they upload their consciousness into a computer. They’re possibly the board. Scratch that, they’re probably the board.

- what was so important about that card that milchick needed to do overtime contingency to find it?? Why risk him seeing his family or even getting a single glimpse of his outtie’s life over a stupid card?? Even if they’re related to sleeper agent shit, why couldn’t it wait until he was back at work the next day?? I’ve seen some people say they didn’t want them to know they could smuggle shit out (which let’s be real there’s no way the writing detecting scanner works), but wouldn’t the outtie have noticed it on him? If they knew he didn’t have it, then just wait until the following day it must be at work…

- okay were the sex workers severed or not. Actually i really fucking hope not because that opens way too many fucked up shit.

- harmony had medical equipment that said “Charlotte cobel” on it. At first i thought oh wow maybe it’s a dead partner, but reflecting more it’s got to be a dead (or presumed dead) daughter. Lumon could have offered to save her life or treat her if she worked for them, which would give her major motivation and explain why she had such an intense breakdown upon being fired. Plus - she had to know all that breastfeeding stuff from somewhere!

#severance #severance spoilers #I watch shows sometimes

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antisocialmastermind · 21 days

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Chapter 13

Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 3 Chap 4 Chap 5 Chap 6 Chap 7 Chap 8 Chap 9 Chap 10 Chap 11 Chap 12 on Ao3

Day 13: KAINGGW = gawking

Kurt leaves New York. Just for a couple weeks; just to get his head on straight. He pulls out the emergency credit card and runs home to his dad like a kicked puppy. He’s fallen victim to his bruised ego again and Burt Hummel can always give him a swift kick in the ass if it’s needed. Kurt’s not sure if it is, but he definitely needs his dad to hug him. Burt’s good at that, too.

So he goes home. He sleeps. He eats his stepmother’s middle-American comfort food. He sulks and pines and when he finally can’t force himself to stay angry anymore, he tells his father everything.

“What I don’t get,” Burt Hummel says after a long time of looking at Kurt, “is why it bothers you so much that he bought your stuff. I mean the guy likes art, right? He was there at a gallery opening. And he likes you, so why not? Why’s that got you so upset?”

“Dad. It’s so… condescending. Like, ‘my boyfriend is an artist so I’m gonna support him by buying everything he makes with all this money I have lying around.’ I want my work to sell because it’s good or valuable or it speaks to someone. Not because my boyfriend felt this patronizing need to finance my career.”

Burt looks confused. “Do you think that’s what he’s doing?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt almost whines. “It just doesn’t sit well with me. He doesn’t have to think about money. I think maybe he thought he was being nice . But, look Dad, now I have to worry about my job, too. And I thought I could maybe make it without the restaurant, you know? Because my work was actually selling. So I could work at the gallery and make art and not have to wait tables anymore. But he… he took that. He took my confidence in myself and my work.”

“Way I see it, he’d be pretty upset that you’re thinking of it that way. Sounds like the guy actually cares about you, Kurt.”

“That’s just it,” Kurt says petulantly. “Does he? Or am I just a pet project or something? He can buy me a few fancy dinners and keep buying my work and I just roll over?”

“Anyone that thinks you’d roll over for them has another think coming,” Burt laughs. “Did he really seem like that was what he was after? Some grateful little puppy following him around?”

“I don’t know, Dad,” Kurt says. “And I’m not gonna spend my time and energy second-guessing his motivations.”

“Seems like you wouldn’t have to if you woulda let the guy get a word in edgewise, Kurt,” Burt says frankly.

Kurt has enough self awareness to blush. But then he digs his heels in. “I’m not comfortable with it,” he says. “So regardless of how he justifies it, it – he – we are not gonna work.”

“Okay, kid,” Burt says thoughtfully. “You know I got your back. Always. But maybe think about why he shook your confidence so easy. Is that really a him problem?”

Kurt doesn’t really want to think about what his Dad is getting at, so he just says “Thanks, Dad. I love you,” and gets up from the table.

*****

By the time he’s back in New York, Kurt has resigned himself to moving on with his life, his job, his art. If only the universe will cooperate.

And it seems like maybe it might.

He wakes up to a New York September morning, cool now until the sun has a chance to warm the concrete. Then it will feel like summer. Elliott’s in the kitchen singing at the top of his lungs and stirring scrambled eggs when Kurt makes his usual beeline for the coffee pot.

“What’s got you so sunny this morning?” he asks his roommate’s back as he sips his coffee.

“Well,” Elliott says chirpily, “You’re home, for one. Good trip?”

“It was,” Kurt replies. “I needed it.”

“Excellent.” Elliott grins. “I’m glad. And two, the gallery’s safe.”

Kurt chokes a little on his coffee, gawking at his friend. “What? How ?”

“The building sold,” Elliott tells him. “But it sold to a holding company that’s very pro-arts I guess. They’d like to make an arts center out of it – they’re hoping to attract only arts-related businesses. So we stay.” Elliott’s grin is wide as he shrugs his shoulders. “That’s what Jerome told me. All I know is that instead of writing rent checks to Jerome, I’m writing them to Harmony Real Estate starting October first.”

“Elliott!” Kurt shrieks. “That’s fantastic!” He flings himself into his best friend’s arms.

Things are definitely looking up.

****

It’s a little stunning how quickly things fall into place after that. The building itself is quickly christened ‘ArtsHub,’ and renovations of various units are underway. They already have a wine bar in residence next door, which is a perfect fit for the clientele the gallery wants to attract. Other units are in various stages of being transformed into a tiny independent film theater, a music store that will also offer instrument lessons, and a dance studio. There’s a persistent rumor that it’s Rachel Berry’s private dance coach who’s moving her studio into the second floor space. It’s sort of a big deal and doing wonders for public interest in the space.

Because of the constant construction work, the new owners have graciously offered a small discount on the gallery’s rent for a few months, so Elliott can pay Kurt and himself without worrying. Chandler wishes them luck and gratefully bows out, so Kurt does days and Elliott does evenings and Kurt starts putting away money to buy into the business one of these days.

Their living situation is still up in the air. Kurt thinks that Elliott will eventually move in with Sebastian. They’re in love and it only makes sense. But they’re going slowly and carefully and they’re both okay with that. Kurt’s impressed with Sebastian’s boyfriend persona. He never would have imagined he’d see Sebastian so smitten with anything. But he’s clearly head over heels for Elliott and Elliott just seems so relaxed and quietly happy. Kurt can’t begrudge them anything, despite the fact that his own love life is once again circling the bowl.

He has a lot of time sitting in a quiet art gallery to think about Blaine and about what his dad said to him back in August. He thinks about his own self confidence and gondolas in Central Park and he’s still confused and angry but he misses Blaine if he’s honest with himself. He misses him a lot. Especially one Wednesday when a familiar delivery woman strolls into the gallery with a dozen red roses and says directly to Kurt, “Delivery for … Elliott Gilbert?”

Kurt doesn’t look up. “Mmm-hmm,” he says and points to the corner of the desk. She puts the roses down gently and then stands there until Kurt stops what he’s doing and looks up at her expectantly. “Yes?” he says. But she just looks disappointed and glances from the roses back to Kurt before she leaves the gallery shaking her head.

And Blaine… Kurt has to give Blaine points for respecting his wishes, because it’s as if the man never existed. He doesn’t call or text. He sends no flowers or gifts. He doesn’t show up at the gallery despite the fact that he’s a collector of art and has a legitimate reason to be there. He doesn’t try to win Kurt back with expensive displays. He just disappears into Kurt’s memories and that’s the end of it. Blaine, ever the gentleman, has taken no for an answer and simply vanished.

Kurt’s sad.

****

By the end of September, everything seems settled. Elliott’s been at Sebastian's a lot because apparently Sebastian has an old friend who’s going through something, so Elliott goes over to feed him and support him while Sebastian, in turn, spends his energy supporting his friend. Kurt and Elliott don’t see each other much anyway because they work opposite shifts, but now they only see each other in the gallery and it’s hard to celebrate their business success alone. And they’re clearly becoming successful.

Kurt takes to staying late at Muse so he can socialize with his best friend before they change shifts. He doesn’t have anywhere to go in the evenings anyway, so he spends time in the studio working on various pieces or sitting next to Elliott at the desk while they talk, or cleaning the front windows till they sparkle. It’s better than the empty apartment that’s waiting for him.

He’s at the studio one Thursday evening, rubbing Dutch Wax Cloth with yellow clay, happy with the resulting patina, and imagining the finished piece, when he hears Elliott’s voice, urgent and low, speaking with someone out in the gallery. He can’t hear anything but Elliott’s tone, which is definitely serious. Kurt rinses the wet clay from his fingers and walks out into the gallery drying his hands with a towel. He’s surprised to see Wesley Jiang standing next to the desk in clipped conversation with Elliott. That’s … odd.

“Wes?” Kurt says hesitantly, and almost feels bad when Wes’s head shoots up as if he’s been shocked. Kurt notices Elliott’s jaw tighten minutely in his peripheral vision.

“Oh, hi, Kurt,” Wes says politely. “How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you,” Kurt replies, “and you?”

“Oh, fine, fine,” Wes answers quickly. The two of them look at each other awkwardly for a moment. Kurt swallows his pride.

“Um, how’s Blaine?” he asks, trying to sound both chipper and nonchalant. He’s not sure he manages.

“Oh.” Wes’s laugh sounds a little too forced. “I, ah, I wouldn’t know. He’s in LA staying with his brother. Looks like he might move out there permanently.”

“Really?” Kurt is stunned. He’d never in a million years picture Blaine in LA. He just seems so … utterly New York. “That’s surprising,” is what he says to Wes.

Wes’s brow furrows and he looks at Kurt for a moment as if he can’t possibly understand him before he turns back to Elliott, who looks almost panicked. “Anyway, Elliott, that’s the plan. I’ll get all the details to you as soon as I can.” He glances back toward Kurt. “Nice to see you again Kurt,” he says. And he strides briskly from the gallery.

Kurt stands there in stunned silence for a moment, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, before he turns slowly to Elliott.

“What the heck was that all about?” he asks.

“Just business,” Elliott replies without looking at Kurt, his jaw still tight and his eyes fixed on the laptop screen in front of him.

“Is he buying something?” Kurt asks, and Elliott shakes his head.

“What business, then?” Kurt says and Elliott still won’t look at him, acting for all the world like whatever he’s doing on the laptop is vitally interesting and important.

Kurt’s eyes narrow as he looks at his friend. “What business, Elliott?” he snaps.

And Elliott lifts his head, looking exactly like the proverbial deer in the headlights, and stares at Kurt for a second.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” he says. “You’re not supposed to know.”

Kurt crosses his arms across his chest and raises an eyebrow.

“Fine,” Elliot snipes, “but I’ll deny it, you understand? I didn’t tell you. I never said a thing.”

“Oh my god, Elliott.” Kurt’s lost all semblance of patience. “What ?”

Elliott sighs like he’s relieving himself of a heavy burden.

“Harmony Real Estate? Our landlord? Is Wes. And Blaine.”

Kurt feels like he’s been slapped.

****

When Kurt wants to drink, he’ll have wine or a vodka cocktail. If Kurt’s drinking tequila it’s because he wants to be fucked up .

Which, thankfully, Elliott knows.

Because Kurt’s a bit of a mess.

The gallery’s closed and the two of them are sitting on their couch. It’s after midnight and Kurt has been doing tequila shots for the past two hours. Elliott’s brought him two glasses of water and finally hidden the tequila bottle when Kurt got up to stumble to the bathroom.

He flings himself back onto the couch and looks stupidly at Elliott. “Where’s my drink?” he says.

Elliott just points at the water glass. “Right there,” he says. Luckily, Kurt’s not a belligerent drunk. He looks bemusedly at the water and takes a sip.

“Okay. So. Elliott,” he enunciates.

“Yes, Kurt.” Elliott is a very patient man.

“Lemme see if I understand this.”

“Kurt, honey,” Elliott chuckles, “I don't think you’d understand your own name right now.”

“No, Elliott, lissen.” Kurt blinks at him a few times and Elliott, wisely, listens.

“You are telling me,” Kurt says slowly, “that Blaine heard the gallery was–” he sighs as if words are too hard “–in trouble. So he bought it. The building, I mean. He bought the building. Because Sebastian told him to. Because Sebastian – that name is very hard to say, Elliott.”

“It’s really not, honey,” Elliott says. “Drink your water.”

“No, wait, lissen,” Kurt says again after a sip of water. “Because Sebastian knows Blaine and they’re friends and Sebastian said to buy it and Blaine just bought it? But he said ‘don’t tell Kurt’ so nobody told me and you all just lied? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Not quite what I said,” Elliott replies, “But close enough for now.”

“But why?” Kurt wails.

“I think,” Elliott says carefully, “because he wanted you to be happy and okay. And he could make that happen. So he did.”

Kurt bursts into tears.

“Elliott,” he sobs, “why would he do that? Why? I was so mean to him, Elliott. And now he’s leaving and I’ll probably never see him again. And he – I –”

“Kurt,” Elliott says kindly, “finish your water. You need sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

So Kurt drinks and Elliott helps him to the bathroom again. He feeds him three Advil and helps him take his jeans off when he trips and puts a bucket next to Kurt’s bed, just in case.

He’s still sniffling when Elliott closes his door.

#kws 2024 #kws2024 #klaine-word-scramble #klaine word scramble #klaine fanfic #klaine #what i wrote

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academicelephant · 6 months

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Spoiler alert on Chicago Med s9e9

Wow, that was a smart move from Dr. Charles!

I feel so sorry for Sam and his family but I also love how motivated he was to take care of his son and to protect his family (and how kind and gentle he was with his wife)

Maggie is so right about Dr. Marcel's behavior though

Okay, I'm happy that Dr. Marcel went to tell to Tanaka-Reed not to worry about the speed of his performance

Gosh, the situation with Burt just keeps breaking my heart 😭

#one chicago #chicago med #s9e9 #dr charles #daniel charles #dr abrams #sam abrams #dr marcel #crockett marcel #kai tanaka-reed

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cinnamonbunpuff · 13 days

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my project pan (what i can) 2024

i'd say that i have a pretty small makeup collection, but sometimes it feels like i have just too much. i've got a lot of old stuff that aren't quite old enough to throw out but they've definitely been around for a bit. with the four (!) months left of 2024, im hoping to pan and finish off some of these! i like that project pan is loose enough to fit everyone's own needs and goals, and im hoping to achieve mine with this! i've decided to post my progress here just as a way to help keep me accountable (even if there's like two people following) but also to document my progress and hopefully give me the motivation to pan my other stuff!

my plan: on the 1st (ish) of each month, mark on the container how much product is remaining, as well as taking a picture to compare against the previous month's progress. if i finish or pan something before the 1st, then i'll also post that!

(i'll be using the tag #liz's project pan 2024 for documentation ^.^)

1. morphe 2, hint hint skin tint (hint of honey)

i absolutely LOVE this product!! it gives a nice sheer base without the feeling of a heavy face, and it's easy to apply! the only issue is that it's like 2-3 shades too light 💔 i can only justify getting a new one once this is almost finished, but it's like barely used so i wanna just get it done with asap

2. flower by drew, petal pout lip mask (berry-more)

i've had this for almost a year but barely used it. it's great, i love the colour, texture, and application, but it's just kinda been sitting around tbh. i just wanna use this up as a jumpstart to decluttering my insane lippie collection

3. burt's bees, tinted lip balm (red dahlia)

i will be taking burt's bee's lip balms to my grave. idk how many i've gone through but i absolutely love them. similar to the lip mask, this one has been sitting in my makeup bag for over a year. the funny thing is there's barely anything left, like i can finish it in two weeks max. just throwing this in here as hopefully a reminder that "if i can finish this, i can def finish the rest!"

4. maybelline, the nudes eyeshadow

this one is fs one of my oldest makeup products, like i don't even remember when/why i got it. it works well, i just think that some of the colours aren't the best for my skin tone (but i think i can work with them). this one is prolly going to be one of my longer panning projects (i'm feeling ~end of 2025) and it's time for a new nudes palette, so it's a good start that i've added it!

(apologies cause a lot of the picture qualities aren't that great and doesn't really show the products' true colours but i tried my best!)

come new year's i'll reevaluate these and maybe add some more! super excited to start and hopefully see some progress!! thank you to anyone who wants to stick around and watch <3

#liz's project pan 2024 #project pan #makeup #eyeshadow #minimalist #decluttering #lipstick #lip gloss #panning #lowkey it was so satisfying to write all the “first use” dates on my makeup lmaoo #as well as how much i had left for september #satisfying #hopefully

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sunberry-strawflower · 1 year

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#curtissonweek2023

Yayyy!!! Day 3 is upon us and I'm not too late!

This fic was like the last two where I completely changed where I wanted to go with it, but it wasn't a struggle to write actually! I actually felt mostly relaxed and nice writing this one :) maybe bcz of the simple premise? I'm not sure haha

Anywayz the story is about artist!Burt and Sven is just...a normal guy LMAO

This was fun to write tho! Hope you enjoy!

(Event by @blue-fanlady)

Word count: 1.5k

Curtisson Week Day 3: Drawing

Burt was walking through the city with his sketchbook in hand, desperately trying to figure out what to draw. He was in a big drawing mood, but nothing out here seemed to catch his eye. There were different buildings, all different patterns and colors, but none of them seemed appealing enough for him to even make a rough draft of. He saw people walking along the sidewalk, whether they were talking with their friends or jogging while listening to music on their phone. While it was nice to see people enjoying themselves in their own way (even if it made him feel bitter about his own dull life), it didn't give him any inspiration at all. He came to the conclusion that he was definitely going through art block.

He sighed as he looked down at the empty page. He was trying to think of something to get him inspired, maybe catch something in this busy city that's worth taking a page on his sketchbook, some kind of ounce of creativity, but alas, his mind still remained as blank as the page.

Burt decided walking around the city wasn't doing him any good, so he walked into the building closest to him. Which happened to be a library.

He was hit with the inside air and took a deep breath. He started to wander around and look at all the different books he was definitely not going to read. He thought maybe the covers of said books could give him a bit of inspiration.

Some were soft and colorful, others were more dark and misty. Some had people or characters on it, and others were simply abstract colors and backgrounds. You can tell the genre of these by their name and cover more often than not. Stories about love, betrayal, friendship, drama, fantasy, history, and mystery were present. Maybe even more. Some of them seemed to mix two or more genres which was interesting. He picked up a few paperbacks, not to read, but to analyze the covers, hoping to find something that'll potentially give him some sort of spark. He sure hoped nobody came to the library for these specific books.

He sat down at a table and put the hardcovers and his sketchbook on top of it. He slid his pencil from the spiral bound and tapped the wood on the table a few times. Most of the stories he picked out had gloomy-ish pictures. Maybe he could do something with those.

Maybe something to do with night time? He could draw the night sky…but that was too simple. At least on its own. He needed to draw something with it. Something that stood out.

While pondering on what to draw with this idea, he felt his eyes drift to another table not too far from his own. Another guy, presumably around his age, was reading a book. He had short blond hair and a small blue hat on. He changed expressions ever so slightly, probably reacting to the story. From what Burt could see from his small reactions, it was a bittersweet kind of telling.

This guy seemed to be an expressive type of person. That's very helpful, especially because Burt needs to practice drawing expressions. Not only that, but this blond seemed to be exactly what he was looking for in his drawing. He would stick out perfectly with the night time atmosphere Burt wanted to go for.

Would he get away with drawing him right now? It was worth a shot.

Before he lost the motivation, he quickly picked up his pencil and started his piece, occasionally stealing glances from his unknowing model.

He sketched the night sky, making sure not to let the black and gray entirely cover the page so he can fit the other stuff he had in mind as well. The library was quiet, aside from the sounds of his pencil scratching on the sketch paper and a page of a book flipping. Whether it was from the blond or somewhere else in the room. They weren't distracting, though. If anything, they were relaxing.

Once he finished the night sky, he stole another glance from the other, still not having noticed Burt looking at him. He seemed too into the story he was reading to pay any attention. Well, worked for Burt.

He began drawing the blond, a closeup of him sitting on a bench under the night sky, reading a book of a similar style. He didn't need to look at the other too much, as he had a decent idea of his appearance. He had a pretty good photographic memory, which saved him a lot of glimpses.

He finished up the sketch and mentally sighed to himself as he looked at it. Not his best work, but he felt he captured what he was aiming for well enough. He was considering coloring it, but he didn't want to risk possibly ruining the sketch.

That guy served as a really good model for this piece, even if he had no idea. Though Burt should probably leave before somebody caught him being a bit creepy and drawing somebody without their consent or notice.

He grabbed the books he took from the shelves and went to put them back, hoping nobody was searching for them earlier. Especially since he wasn't even reading them.

After he finished putting the books back, he went to leave the library. However, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he was missing something…

Oh, right. His sketchbook. Where was it? Did he mistake it for a book and put it on a shelf? He sure hoped not. The things in there were not for the public eye.

He went back to the shelves and didn't see his sketchbook anywhere.

'Did somebody take it already?' he thought to himself, and started to panic a little. He then considered the fact that he might've left it on the table from earlier, and quickly made his way over there.

Once the table was in his sight, he stopped in his tracks. His sketchbook was there, thank God, but there was somebody else there as well. It looked to be the blond from earlier. He had the sketchbook in his hands and his face seemed to be a mixture of awe and confusion. Or maybe just one of the two. It was hard to properly see him from this distance.

Burt walked over there, worried that running would make too much noise. Once he made his way over, he tapped the other on the shoulder, which caused him to jolt and look in his direction. "Oh, hey." He greeted quietly. "Did you draw this?"

Burt shamefully nodded, gently took the sketchbook away from the other and closed it. "Sorry. For drawing you without permission, I mean. It just kind of happened." He whispered. Again, he didn't want to be too loud in the library, but that didn't stop him from mentally screaming at himself and being embarrassed out of his mind.

"Oh, that was supposed to be me?" He asked. "I thought so, but I wasn't sure. It looks really good." He smiled. Burt couldn't help but blush a little. Not many people have complimented his artwork before.

"Thank you." He said. Burt appreciated the compliment but still felt awfully embarrassed and awkward so he turned to leave without another word.

"Wait." The other called out quietly. In any other setting, his voice would go unheard, but in the silence of the library, Burt could hear him loud and clear.

Burt looked back, albeit hesitantly. "Hm?"

"What's your name?" He asked. Burt didn't understand why the other wanted the name of somebody he would probably never see again, but he guessed it only made sense to know the name of the person who drew you. Along with the person you're drawing.

"Burt." He replied.

"I'm Sven," He grinned. "Sorry for looking in your sketchbook, by the way. If it makes you feel better, I didn't look at any other pages."

That did make Burt feel a little better, but he still felt a little flustered. He shook his head. "It's fine, don't worry."

"Okay…good." Sven said. They stood there in awkward silence for a bit.

"Are you–" "I'm going–" Sven and Burt immediately stopped talking once they heard the other, which honestly made this more awkward than it already was. Sven chuckled before urging Burt to go first.

"Oh, I was just saying I'm going to go now." Burt said, and if he were a fool, he'd say Sven almost looked disappointed, but he brushed it off.

Sven was quiet for a few seconds before seeming to process what Burt had said and nodded. "Okay. Bye." He waved goodbye and Burt waved back, leaving with his sketchbook and pencil in hand.

Once he exited the library, he looked down at the sketch of the blond--well, Sven. Weirdly, he felt more proud of it now. Still wouldn't consider it his best work, but it was better than he originally perceived.

He couldn't hold back a smile as he signed Sven's name in cursive writing, next to his sitting figure. He wrote his name and the date it was drawn at the corner of the page, officially making this drawing another crucial part of his sketchbook.

_______________________________________________________

See y'all on day 4!

#I'm actually pretty proud of this one #which feels great. feeling proud of how your work came out is one of the best feelings ever I stggGGG #1.5k words is a nice sweet spot for me too #again lmk if the formatting is funky I'm still not all that used to posting fics on tumblr #thsc #the henry stickmin collection #henry stickmin collection #sven svensson #burt curtis #curtisson #curtissonweek2023 #cross posted on ao3

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christianbalefanatic · 1 year

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Christian Bale Keeps Trying to Quit Hollywood

He’s spent decades pretending to not be himself. Now, at 47, one of the world’s greatest actors speaks with rare candor about navigating a career he never quite chose and building a life he sometimes can't fathom.

BY ZACH BARON

PHOTOGRAPHY BY GREGORY HARRIS

October 5, 2022

Somehow, Christian Bale found himself shooting three different movies last year, but he hasn’t been on a film set in months, and he doesn’t know when he’ll be back on one, and this fact makes him happy. “I could just go forever not working,” he says. He’s a little late to meet me at this diner in Santa Monica that he’d prefer I not name because he and the director of one of those movies, David O. Russell, come here a lot to bat around scripts and people-watch. In fact, as we talk he keeps getting distracted by what those people are doing, various characters that he’s given names to, locals who frequent the place who he observes like old friends, people who don’t know who Christian Bale is and wouldn’t care if they did.

He’s wearing a dark, shapeless T-shirt and dark, shapeless pants and has enough of a beard going that he could play a Civil War general. From out of the beard peers, well, Batman. Patrick Bateman. A movie star’s face, familiar from 35 years’ worth of movies that have earned him four Oscar nominations and one win—for 2010’s The Fighter. Bale was 13 years old when he starred in Steven Spielberg’s Empire of the Sun, his first major movie role, a part he sought out and ultimately accepted because his family was in need. His life hasn’t been what you’d call normal since, but it wasn’t totally normal before either—his father, a former pilot and financial adviser, moved Bale and his siblings and his mother around the United Kingdom constantly, picking up and starting again. Bale resists self-reflection, but it’s not hard to see that kid in him still: drawn to extremes, transfixed by reinvention, motivated by fixing what happened to his family, and ambivalent about what he had to do and what he had to sacrifice in order to take care of the people he loved.

It’s also worth saying that he resists self-reflection in an absolutely delightful way. His accent is nominally Welsh, the voice more musical and mischievous than it tends to be onscreen, and in that voice he will ask you if you have children. He will ask you what your hopes and dreams are in life. He will seek out other things you’ve written and ask you detailed questions about them, all in the hopes of not talking about himself. Part of it, he says, is that he thinks that if people actually know him it will ruin whatever he’s trying to do as an actor; part of it, I think, is that he’s just genuinely not all that interested in the subject. What he wants, what he’s seeking, is obsession, or oblivion—the total erasure of the self. And let me say!…I recommend talking with people who are into oblivion. They are never once boring.

Because of all that, he doesn’t do many interviews like these, but the movies have added up, and so he’s giving it a shot. This summer he starred as the villain in Thor: Love and Thunder. This month he plays a one-eyed guy named Burt in David O. Russell’s wild new film, Amsterdam. And then at the end of the year he has a 19th-century murder mystery he shot with another frequent collaborator, the director Scott Cooper, called The Pale Blue Eye. “Which,” he says, about having three movies come out in the same year: “Nobody needs that. I don’t need it. No one else needs to see me that much.” And yet here we are.

Bale has lived in Los Angeles since the ’90s. But it’s a very specific Los Angeles. “You can live here and not be in the middle of the film community,” he says. “I’m not. I don’t have anything to do with it. I’m here because my wife is from here. If she wasn’t, we probably wouldn’t. But people sort of imagine film people swanning about, hanging out with each other all the time, talking about films, and that just makes me want to slam my head into the table.”

Christian Bale covers the November 2022 issue of GQ. Coat, $4,995, and shirt, $295, by Dolce & Gabbana.

Jacket, $6,950, and pants, $1,295, by Loro Piana. Shirt, $110, by RTH. Hat, $219, by Begg x Co. Watch, $25,900, by Vacheron Constantin. Necklace, $6,400, by David Yurman.

Well, there are actors who get into acting because they’re obsessed with movies and film people. My understanding is, that’s not your story, right?

Not true, not me, no. I’m a bit illiterate when it comes to films. I disappoint everybody with how little I know about film. I don’t think it matters. I don’t think you have to for what I do.

You’re not filming anything right now. Are you someone who is content to not work?

More than content: fucking ecstatic. I’ve always been bent on “When’s this gonna end? This has to end.” I like doing things that have nothing to do with film. And I find myself very happily not playing dress-up, not pretending to be somebody else for long lengths of time.

When you say things like “playing dress-up,” it seems like there have been times when you were almost…not embarrassed to be doing what you’re doing but—

Oh, no, flat-out embarrassed. Yes, for many years. Actually mortified. You know, I’m under no illusions either about the fact that the only reason I get noticed or feel useful in this world is when I pretend not to be me, right? Which is why doing [interviews] is such a weird thing because I’m like, “Wait a second. This is career suicide, doing this—”

Doing this interview is not career suicide.

Well, on the one hand I’m like, “Yeah, bring it on.” On the other hand I’m more like, “Eh, don’t let this be the reason.” So it’s a slow death. I’m having this very slow death in public.

But you’re answering a question about being interviewed. And I’m asking a question about you being comfortable identifying as an actor. You said, “Oh, I feel embarrassed.”

insanity of the job itself. I guess it’s the idea of what people think an actor is that’s embarrassing. I mean, how many useful jobs are there, really, in life, where you’re helping other people? Am I just creating more stupid background noise? But the acting itself, I enjoy how ridiculous it is. I love something that you can just go too far with. People are fucking fascinating. I love people, I love watching people, and I get to watch them in a way that would otherwise be perceived as verging on extremely bizarre.

When you say, “I love something that you can just go too far with,” I want to make sure I understand that.

Obsession, that’s what I mean. You get to obsess without people saying, “He needs to go in the loony bin.” Right? But, uh, is film what you love writing about? What is your thing? You know, This is what I wanna do…?

I’m doing the thing I want to do right now.

Do you have other ambitions?

This conversation is my ambition. You were saying that you anticipated having more time to make the three movies you have coming out this year, but then a pandemic happened.

We made Amsterdam right in the middle of the surge in LA. I believe we had something like 26,000 tests. Because I spoke with the COVID-safety expert, and they were breaking down all the scenes before filming in order to figure out when my mouth would be open, and saying, “Well, I see that you laugh in this scene” and then “I see you sing in this scene.” And I said, “Yeah, but I might laugh in every scene, or I might sing in every scene.” And, they said, “No, but that’s not in the script.” And I went: “No, this is going to change every day. We change every take.”

I did enjoy your singing in this film.

Oh. Thank you very much. I love singing. All I can promise whenever I do it is that you probably can hear I’m enjoying myself. That’s it. But, like Todd Haynes, for instance, I went in the recording studio for him for I’m Not There. And, aw, man, I had the best time. And I thought I nailed it. And then when I heard it, I was like, “Yeah, they got someone else in, didn’t they?” Maybe they hoped I wouldn’t even notice. They were like, “He’s so fucking tone deaf, he won’t even notice at all.” But, you know, I annoy my family enough by just singing all the time. Once I start, they have to say “Please stop” to me. Because I just love it.

I keep trying to ask you about the movies and we keep ending up talking about something else, like singing, which I suspect is somewhat intentional.

No, but it’s more interesting talking about other things other than stuff that I already know, innit?

Yeah, but I don’t know it.

Yeah.

Your last film before the three this year was 2019’s Ford v Ferrari, in which you play a very difficult race car driver. At some point the director, James Mangold, told you he was just asking you to play yourself, right?

I mean he was fucking with me a little bit there, I think, but maybe not. Though I’ve gotta say, it was our second film. We’re talking about another. We enjoy working together.

Vest, $6,590, by Tom Ford. Sweater, $995, by Ralph Lauren Purple Label. Pants, $1,500, by Greg Lauren. Watch, $75,900, by Audemars Piguet. Ring (throughout), his own.

So, you don’t actually regard yourself as difficult?

No. Not in the slightest. Absolutely not, no. I’m totally grateful and surprised that I get to keep working, right? And you have to maintain that gratitude. But within that gratitude, that mustn’t mean you let standards slip, right? It doesn’t mean you start going, “Oh, I’m so happy and grateful to be working at all, because I never expected this in my life,” which is all true. But that gratitude must turn into, therefore, “I must do things as absolutely well as I possibly can.” But you get passionate characters in the world of filmmaking, right? Because sometimes caring can come across as a certain way for people who might, uh, get a bit overexcited at times.

“I think some people mistakenly believe that I am a leading man, and it just keeps going and I don’t understand it.”

I was thinking that in some ways, the three movies you have this year—Thor, Amsterdam, The Pale Blue Eye—offer a vision of your career in a microcosm. Two are the kind of auteur-driven films we frequently see you in, and then one is a big franchise entertainment. I’m curious what draws you to the big mega-productions like Thor: Love and Thunder.

I was like, “This looks like an intriguing character; I might be able to do something with this, who knows?” And I’d liked Ragnarok. I took my son to see Ragnarok. He was climbing like a monkey all across [the seats] and then he was like, “Oh, I’ve had enough now, let’s get on.” I was like, “No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.” I was just like, “I want to finish it.”

Some performers have gone into doing a movie like Thor and come away saying, “Great vibe. Loved the people. The green-screen acting is not for me.”

That’s the first time I’ve done that. I mean, the definition of it is monotony. You’ve got good people. You’ve got other actors who are far more experienced at it than me. Can you differentiate one day from the next? No. Absolutely not. You have no idea what to do. I couldn’t even differentiate one stage from the next. They kept saying, “You’re on Stage Three.” Well, it’s like, “Which one is that?” “The blue one.” They’re like, “Yeah. But you’re on Stage Seven.” “Which one is that?” “The blue one.” I was like, “Uh, where?”

I’m guessing there were no Method attempts to stay in character during this.

That would’ve been a pitiful attempt to do that. As I’m trying to get help getting the fangs in and out and explaining I’ve broken a nail, or I’m tripping over the tunic.

You play the villain in that movie. I feel like you’re more willing to play unlikable characters than some quote-unquote leading men.

Absolutely, yes. I’ve never quite gotten that thing from actors who I respect immensely who go like, “Oh, you gotta like your character.” And I’m like, “I don’t know if they’ll like him. I’m good not liking him.”

I wonder if this helps explain your longevity—what you do has never depended on likability.

Right. I’m always sort of confused when people are like, “Oh, I do it for my fans.” Oh, sounds so lovely. What a lovely person you must be, you’re doing it for your fans. Oh, wonderful. A big heart you must have. Well, why did you start, then? Nobody had fans at the beginning. I want people who do it for themselves. I don’t want to watch people who are doing it for me. I’m like, “How do you know what I want?” Like, surprise me with it, do it for yourself, I wanna know that this is everything to you. Like, be intense about it, go for it, do it for yourself.

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Have you ever been drawn to the more traditional version of movie stardom?

Those are the people who actually are useful for being themselves. And then there’s people who are like me, who only ever found themselves to be useful to anybody when they decided not to be themselves, right? So, “just be yourself” is, like, the worst piece of advice you could give someone like me, because, you know, I’ve got a career because I ignored that advice and said, “No, be someone else. Be someone else.”

I suspect I know what your answer is going to be, but do you have a theory of why you’ve been so successful? Because you’re not a character actor, you do play leads in movies.

Zero strategy. I think some people mistakenly believe that I am a leading man, and it just keeps on going and I don’t understand it.

Some actors come into this business because they love movies. Some come into it because they love acting. Some come into it because they want to be famous, though they probably wouldn’t admit that. The interesting thing about you, I think, is that you’re none of those things, if I understand correctly.

Um, yeah. No. I mean, you tell me whatever you think I am, but no, you know.…

Well, my understanding is that you got into acting for other reasons that related to supporting your family.

And I’ll just nod. But, yeah. Look, me and a couple of friends, we were kinda doing these little skits. But every kid does. Every kid acts a little bit in that way. And then, just, I found myself in the position that family things…finding I can support the family through doing it: That’s why I’m doing it. And I do have an absolute love/hate relationship with it. And I think that is quite a healthy thing.

Have you ever tried to seriously get out of acting?

What does “seriously” mean? I had a couple of moments where I was like, “I never went to college. I have no education. I want to do that.” But it was short-lived. I do try occasionally and then, like, “Oh, come on.” This…I do…

You’re trying right now to say that you actually like acting?

Yeah. Yeah.

What were the family circumstances that pushed you into the industry?

Oh, different things, health stuff. Things like that. And factious Britain. That’s what it was as well.

Your dad, who was a pilot and a financial adviser, and later married Gloria Steinem—seems like he was an interesting man.

He was a character. Yes. He was full of adventure. He’s the only reason that I didn’t flinch in thinking this is possible. He wasn’t unrealistic, but he was like, “Unless you do just go for it, then of course it’s not [possible].” His influence is the reason why I never felt like, “Shit, I need to have a safety net.” He was a roamer. And he wasn’t in the right place. So we moved a fair bit. But you know what it was good for is understanding: Hey, even if you find yourself sitting in a truck, one week out of a house, where you’re having to go live on someone’s couch for a month, whatever… You go, “It will be all right.” You know? You sort it out. He was remarkable at doing that. And not being panicked about that sort of thing, which I think gave a reckless enough attitude that doing what I do didn’t seem reckless in the slightest. Oh, no work? Potentially no work forever? All good. Hey, it’s all going to be all right. So I think that definitely was the reason I have the attitude I do towards what I do now.

He died when you were still in your 20s. Did that leave a mark?

Of course. Of course. How about you? You have parents?

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I have parents. I also have a question for you about this, which is: Your father passes in 2003. Right around then you take some pretty extreme parts in films—I’m thinking of The Machinist, for which you lost a dangerous amount of weight, and then Rescue Dawn, which you shot with Werner Herzog in the Thai jungle. Do you feel like the two things were connected?

He certainly was never boring. And he certainly always taught me that being boring is a sin. And so maybe it did have some connection in there, you know? But I’ve always gravitated towards, you know, the fantastic dream that someone like Werner Herzog has, and how they go through it and the way they approach it and you just dig in. That reminds me of my father a great deal. Unorthodox thinkers who are going to go do it even if everyone is screaming that they’re absolutely crazy.

**You’ve supported yourself doing this for a long time, and I know sometimes you were barely getting roles, and then sometimes there were moments when you really were noticed as an actor, post–**American Psycho, for instance—

Which, by the way, that’s when I first heard of GQ. Right? As a kid, growing up in small towns, Wales, England, I didn’t know what GQ was. And so my first reference for it was that Patrick Bateman loved GQ. Right? And, and they would say things like, “Total GQ.” So I have this impression that GQ is by and for yuppie serial killers. And anyone reading this is a yuppie serial killer.

I’m sure everyone reading this appreciates that. That movie is successful in an iconic way that probably, for the first time up to that point, gave you some choices, right?

Well, in honesty, the first thing was that I’d taken so long trying to do it, and they had paid me the absolute minimum they were legally allowed to pay me. And I had a house that I was sharing with my dad and my sister and that was getting repossessed. So the first thing was: “Holy crap. I’ve got to get a bit of money,” because I’ve got American Psycho done, but I remember one time sitting in the makeup trailer and the makeup artists were laughing at me because I was getting paid less than any of them. And so that was my motivation after that. Was just: “I got to get enough that the house doesn’t get repossessed.”

For a second you were thinking of your career as “I just need to find a way to get paid.”

Yeah. It’s how I’ve supported people since I was 12, 13 years old. So it’s always been there, that element to it. There was never a moment where it was like, “I think I’d like to take four years off.” No. That just isn’t gonna happen. That’s not possible.

I’m surprised to hear that you were getting paid so little: Was that the nature of American Psycho or was it the nature of your position in the industry at the time?

Uh, it was the nature of me in it. Nobody wanted me to do it except the director. So they said they would only make it if they could pay me that amount. I was prepping for it when other people were playing the part. I was still prepping for it. And, you know, it moved on. I lost my mind. But I won it back.

One of the people who was briefly cast ahead of you in the part was Leonardo DiCaprio. I’ve seen it reported that you lost at least five roles to DiCaprio in the ’90s, including Titanic.

Oh, dude. It’s not just me. Look, to this day, any role that anybody gets, it’s only because he’s passed on it beforehand. It doesn’t matter what anyone tells you. It doesn’t matter how friendly you are with the directors. All those people that I’ve worked with multiple times, they all offered every one of those roles to him first. Right? I had one of those people actually tell me that. So, thank you, Leo, because literally, he gets to choose everything he does. And good for him, he’s phenomenal.

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Did you ever take that personally?

No. Do you know how grateful I am to get any damn thing? I mean, I can’t do what he does. I wouldn’t want the exposure that he has either. And he does it magnificently. But I would suspect that almost everybody of similar age to him in Hollywood owes their careers to him passing on whatever project it is.

You broke in as a child actor and know as well as anyone how hard it is for young people to transition into being adult actors. Why do you think you were able to?

I think it hearkens back to that love/hate thing. Because I was never that kid that’s going, “Please. Yeah, I’ll do jazz hands.” I never was that. I often sabotaged things intentionally. I often just didn’t turn up, just was a no-show on stuff, on auditions and whatnot. Fucking awful at auditions as well, because it’s not how I work. I’m like, “I don’t know to do this right now, sitting here. I need to think.” But yeah, I always felt different when I would meet other kids who were doing it. I would sit there going, “Oh, fucking hell. I’m nothing like these kids, actually.” They wanted it, and I didn’t even know if I wanted it.

Eventually you moved to LA, though: How come?

I came here for work. And then I would always go back. But I never got any work back in England. And I’d always get work out here. And then I brought my dad out because, for his health, the climate and everything was much better here.

Did you socialize with other young actors or young Hollywood?

Nothing to do with it. Never met ’em. Never wanted to. If ever I found myself anywhere near it, I was like, “Nah, ah, ah, ah,” and then went the other direction. Oh, you know what? When I did Velvet Goldmine, we did all hang out. I was older by then. I was 23.

But Velvet Goldmine was a movie about a bunch of young cool people hanging out! The part required that.

Exactly. I just have found that there’s wonderful actors who chat and get to know each other and hang out and then act wonderfully. And I can’t do it. And that’s my own limitations with that. I don’t make it into a thing. I just sort of know when I’m going to not be able to separate the person from the character that they’re playing.

“Stay away from me, except for on the set.”

I’m literally like: “I can’t do this because I will be the worst actor you’ve ever seen if we keep on chatting.” You know, with Amsterdam, I had to say that to Chris Rock. I had to go there and say that to him. I fucking love his stand-up. And when he arrived I was like, “Ah, wow, great. Yeah, how you doing, man?” Chatting a little bit. And then I went to do a scene, and I went, “Oh, my God. I’m just Christian, standing here, being a fan of Chris Rock.” So I went to him. I went, “Mate, I got to keep my distance.” Have you tried swimming and laughing at the same time? I don’t know about you. I’d drown. I cannot laugh and swim at the same time. It’s that. So I had to, much as I would’ve loved to have kept on chatting and talking.

How did he react to that?

He went, “Oh, you’re pulling the asshole card. You’re going to be an asshole and not talk.” And I went, “Yeah. Sorry, mate.” And it was my loss, you know?

Now I’m imagining Chris Rock being mad at Batman. I wonder: What was it like to be at the center of something so big and culturally dominant as those three Batmanmovies you did with Christopher Nolan?

I always just felt like it was a thing that someone else did, really, in a lot of ways. I was like, “Oh, yeah. That thing happened over there. And that’s doing very well over there, I hear. That’s great.” And I’m going off to Ralphs, the supermarket, to get bananas.

Was there a part of you, when those movies really worked, that was worried that you’d be stuck being Batman forever?

Yeah, but I loved it. I loved that because I was like, “This could be it. I could never be anything but that.” And for a lot of people, I won’t. I was like, “Ah, maybe I’m going to be forced to go do something different. And maybe this fucking thing that I got forced into doing as a kid that I didn’t fucking want to do in the first place, I’m out. And I’m free.” And then it didn’t happen.

Christian Bale pulls up to the same diner in Santa Monica a few days later, a little late again, and says he’s experiencing déjà vu: “What did I say last time? I forgot my car by the freeway? That again.” Same booth. Same murky Los Angeles characters moving past the booth like sharks at an aquarium. Same Civil War beard.

“My apologies for bringing you here again,” he says. He tells me he thought about taking me dirt biking instead. “But I was like, you can’t talk with anyone when you’re doing that. You’re just going”—he mimes turning the throttle on a motorcycle. “Which maybe would be my dream.”

As it happens, he says, he used to race motorcycles himself. He holds out his left arm: “Metal, all metal, like 20, 25 screws all the way up and down.”

Your left arm is all metal?

No, the collarbone’s all titanium. [My wrist] looks like a bottle opener—if you were to open me up, there’s a big metal piece holding my wrist together, and screws in my knee as well for it. Which just shows my enthusiasm outweighed my skill. I stopped doing it after that. My daughter was very unhappy with the cost of the taxi to come to the hospital to pick me up. And, uh, told me no more spending the family money that way.

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Do you miss it?

Ah, yes, definitely. Yeah, it’s hypnotizing, it’s absolutely wonderful. I mean, look, I definitely know that nobody would’ve enjoyed it if there wasn’t an element of danger to it, of course. Um…but it’s just enormous exhilaration. Strangely relaxing and exhilarating at the same time. Hypnotizing in a wonderful way.

[Here, my tape recorder fails and he helps me find the iPhone app to record our conversation.]

Look in the Utilities section; usually it’s there, because I use it all the time.

What do you use it for?

Just talking to myself. Also dialect stuff. Or when I’m interviewing people. I realized that after we were talking the other day because you were at one point like, “Well, I’m not going to be the one answering questions in this interview.” And usually, that’s what I’m saying. That’s how I view my job. I’m like, “No, I’m the one who interviews and listens to people and then goes and does something. But I’m not the one who gets interviewed.” That’s why I’m always trying to sort of pretend like I’m talking about something but not really saying anything. But I’ve got hoards of wonderful recordings of all the different real people I’ve played. I’m still sitting on that. And then my kids as well.

How do your kids feel about you recording them?

Oh, they love it. There’s nothing better for getting people’s attention than imitating them, right? There’s definitely moments where they’ll be ignoring you completely, and then what you do is, you do an impersonation of them. And they are spellbound. You start pretending to be them, and everybody, they lean in. It’s the instant way of getting people’s attention.

That seems like a good move for a four-time Oscar-nominated actor. I’m not sure about it for myself.

Nah, anybody. Everybody loves it. Oh, you got to try it. Think about it. If I sit with you and you realize that I’ve studied you enough that I can actually imitate you, whether it’s a good impersonation or not, but I’ve looked at you enough that I can say, “You know, Zach, this is what you’re like, and this is what you did.” And I act it out. It’s fascinating to people. They kind of go, “Oh, my God, somebody paid that much attention to me?” I think that’s what is going on in their heads. But instantly, you’ve got their attention, and then you can say whatever you wanna say after that.

That’s a funny view of humanity, that we need to be flattered before we pay attention.

You want to be seen!

You told me this is the same booth you and David O. Russell sat in to work onAmsterdam. How did you guys first meet?

I did an audition for [Three Kings] where he didn’t even want me in the room. And I actually sort of insulted him. He knew who he wanted to cast for the role. But I think he was just being polite and seeing other people. So he was busy working away on a script or whatever, letting the casting director run the show. So I sat there like, “Oh, you’ve got nothing to say? You’re sitting there doing this strong silent thing, you’re gonna say nothing?” And so he kind of looked at me, and there was a little fire in his eyes, and he says to me, “All right, you know how I want you to do it? Remember Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone?” And he slaps his hands on his face, and does the big look, and he says, “That’s the feel. I want to get that feel from this reading now.”

Someone asking you to do an audition like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone**—that’s a “fuck you.”**

Oh, yeah. But I love him to death. And it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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You said you guys collaborated on the Amsterdam script. You’re also a producer on the film. What does that mean?

I will qualify it by saying that, after David, I’m the person who’s been on the project longest. Does it mean I’m spending money on it? No. I’m not doing any of that. It’s more of a creative producer you would call it.

You’re a producer on The Pale Blue Eye too, right?

Again, very generously, Scott asked me. Which really comes from my working relationship with David and Scott. They both said, “Hey…yeah, have at it,” you know?

I —

Actually, sorry, sorry. I do just want to say, with David specifically, I went, “Mate, we have come up with something special. I want everything at my disposal to protect what you’ve created right now. I don’t want to find that we end up making a different film and you can’t tell me.” So yeah, I did actually say to him, “Mate, do it.” So I can’t actually say if he would have asked me or not.

Incredible.

Yeah, so I did realize that was my wishful thinking, that he would have asked. But he didn’t. But I hope I was a help and not burden to him.

“There is value in storytelling, you know? I’m going to sound like a total wanker, but the way I like to do it is, you try to destroy yourself in order to build up another character.”

The character you play in Amsterdam, Burt—that feels like a guy you can’t even write down, he’s so specific to you and your performance. I wonder where all these different guys come from. I know it’s the job, to play different parts, but that’s not what most actors actually do.

Well, there’s different approaches to this job, and each one is a good one. You get people who are just undeniably charismatic bastards, and you want them to do the same thing, and if they do something else, I get upset. I’m like, “I love you doing that one thing because that’s reliable, and that’s bloody entertaining.” And you know, that’s not how I do it, but I want all of it. I was thinking about your question about, like, “What the fuck did you do Thor for?” And—

That was not the way I phrased that question!

Well, that was the impression I was getting from the way you asked it. You were like, “Yeah, okay, what the fuck was Thor about?” But I love those films. I love them. There’s a mood and a time for every single one, and I do have a firm belief that every single kind of film can be done brilliantly.

For the record, the question was not “Why the fuck did you do Thor**?” It’s obvious that you, as a creative person navigating a creative career, would work with David O. Russell, who has already gotten you nominated for two Oscars.** Thor is less obvious.

Yeah, no. I genuinely love the films that David and I have made, you know what I mean? It’s the process of doing that because I’ve got no control over the rest of it. So it’s the process with David. Even though we’re not always having what people would term a pleasant day, but we both are absolutely there knowing that we’re totally clued into each other. And so we’re either sort of running down the beach, hugging, or it’s just not talking for weeks on end.

David is well known for having difficult sets: You mentioned Three Kings; that was a rough set for certain people. Huckabees was a rough set for certain people. American Hustle too. What is your experience of those environments?

If I can have some sense of understanding of where it’s coming from, then I do tend to attempt to be a mediator. That’s just in my nature, to try to say, “Hey, come on, let’s go and sit down and figure that out. There’s gotta be a way of making this all work.”

After American Hustle**, Amy Adams came out and said she cried many days on that set. And it’s been reported that you intervened on her behalf with David and were like, “Back off.”**

Mediator.

So that did happen? You’re nodding your head yes. Okay. Does that make you feel differently about the finished film, having seen that happen and having to intervene?

No. No, no, no. No. You’re dealing with two such incredible talents there. No, I don’t let that get in the way whatsoever. Look, if I feel like we got anywhere close—and you only ever get somewhere close to achieving; our imagination is too incredible to ever entirely achieve it—but if you get anywhere close to it, and when you’re working with people of the crazy creative talent of Amy or of David, there are gonna be upsets. But they are fucking phenomenal. Also, you got to remember, it was the nature of the characters as well. Right? Those characters were not people who back down from anything, right?

I had the experience of rewatching the film again and asking myself: Should my knowledge that Amy had a tough time with the director while making this affect my enjoyment of it?

No. No. And, by the way, that’s not me deciding for her, she’s told me that.

She said, “It’s okay, American Hustle can live on.”

Yeah. Yes. Absolutely, yeah.

What about you? How do you feel about how you handled it in retrospect?

I did what I felt was appropriate, in very Irv style.

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Your Irv role in American Hustle is comedic in a way that felt new for you.

No one had asked me for it before. So, suddenly, that happened. And people went, “Oh. Can you do that thing?” You occasionally get a role where you get to do something totally bloody different. And then that opens up a whole different menu, you know? It’s a breath of fresh air…. I think there’s also a certain amount of age that brings that out more, you know.

Last time, I asked you, do you have a theory of why you’ve been successful as a leading man. And you were very deliberately like, “I don’t.”

Well, one thing I definitely think is, I’ve never considered myself a leading man. It’s just boring. You don’t get the good parts. Even if I play a lead, I pretend I’m playing like, you know, the fourth, fifth character down, because you get more freedom. I also don’t really think about the overall effect that [a character’s] going to have. It’s for me to play around, much like animals and children do. Have tunnel vision about what you’re doing, not think about the effect you’re having. You know, I’ve learned some things, very basic—like I used to always turn away from the camera if I had a moment that I thought might be a bit embarrassing. And, you know, literally, the camera operator would have to say, “It was probably great, Christian, but we couldn’t see anything, because you keep turning your head away. Like, please, you’ve got to understand that while this might be a moment in life that somebody wants privacy for, on film, you got to let us in. All right?”

Are you talking about your own embarrassment or the character’s?

If you’re not playing an extreme exhibitionist, or perhaps someone who’s being insincere with their emotions, nobody tends to cry and turn to the whole room, you know? People recognize it’s a moment they’re having, and they cry quietly to themselves, and if you’re too aware of the camera, you turn away from the camera as well, because you go, like, “I can’t have them witness this either.” It’s just natural. Human.

You have to be 95 percent human and in character and 5 percent aware of—

We’re telling a story. And there is value in story-telling, you know? I’m going to sound like a total wanker, but the way I like to do it is, you fucking try to destroy yourself in order to then build up another character. Now, I’ve done many films that you’d look at and go, “Really? It was worth doing it for that piece of shit?” But you sort of try to destroy yourself so that you’re not bothered by humiliation anymore. You’re not embarrassed, because you are as much as possible—and I did begin the sentence with saying I’m going to sound like a wanker here—forgetting that it’s you, completely. Which actually brings me to quite a funny point, because I think, as you know, I don’t know when I last did a thing like this where I actually talk for any length of time, right? So I’m used to just ducking and diving and saying fucking nothing and pretending I’m saying something, and I’m not saying anything, and then it’s over, okay?

And after I last talked to you, there were a couple of things going on—a friend of mine was having a bit of trouble, he contacted me and needed some help and stuff, and I was thinking about that then, but then I also went, “What a terrible mistake I’ve made doing these interviews with Zach.” Like, “Oh, fuck. He deserves me to actually talk to him, and all I’m trying to do is just fucking say nothing, or just go, ‘Eh, I’ve said this before, let’s not say nothing new here at all.’ ” I love movies getting released theatrically, and I’m genuinely concerned that’s going to stop happening. The Pale Blue Eye has got the Netflix safety net. Amsterdam doesn’t. I’m going, “Oh, fuck.” People have always told me this kind of stuff helps. I never believed it. But, I was like, “Oh, well, all right.” I care. I care, you know? This is not the sort of life I get to lead playing characters. This is realpolitik world of like, “Fucking hell. I want to be able to keep doing this.” So, that was my original motivation. I went, “Yeah, all right. Okay. Maybe this is the moment for that.”

Regarding you and me—did you just tell me that you spent our last conversation trying to say nothing?

Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean?

I couldn’t tell if what you were saying is that you went home after the last one and were like, “Next time, Zach deserves the truth.”

You’re looking for something more. Not that it wasn’t the truth, but I was like, “Oh, man.” Yeah. I was like, “How do I do this but at the same time respect what you’re looking for?”

“I just don’t bother with that half-measure gear. I go, ‘Ah, nah, I’m good,’ or ‘Oh, really? Yeah, let’s go further than anyone’s gone before.’ It makes life more entertaining.”

Did you feel after our last conversation that you had successfully stymied me or avoided answering the questions?

It wasn’t that. It was territory I hadn’t been in for a long time, so I didn’t know what had happened. I was just going, “Oh, yeah.” I left kind of going, “What happened? Did I give him anything or was he like, ‘Fucking hell. There was nothing in there’?” And, by the way, should we be talking about other things? Because, I’m feeling like a very egotistical bastard.

You mean like things that are not Christian Bale?

Yeah. I don’t know, what do most people talk about? Because I feel like we’re talking about me a lot.

That is kind of the point of this exercise.

Yeah, but you can, you know, I don’t know. Is it rampant vanity going on here? I don’t know. I like being in your shoes. I like sitting down with real people and interviewing them, getting all the information, taking my tape recorder away, transcribing it, and then figuring out the character. I’m not used to someone else trying to do that to me.

I hate to break it to you but you’re a real person too.

What?!

Jacket, $3,490, by Fendi Men’s. Sweater, $1,790, by Tom Ford. Pants, $1,750, and boots, $1,590, by Balenciaga. Watch, $28,300, by Rolex.

I’m trying to think about what else we could talk about that’s not you.

Well, my interests and passions are still in the realm of me, right? For like 10 years, I’ve been trying to put together this... If I have my family history correct, one of my sisters was in foster care for a while—which should be irrelevant; you shouldn’t have to have a personal connection to care—but LA County has more foster children than [almost anywhere else] in the United States of America. And most people have no clue about that. And I came across an organization that was started after World War II in Austria. That’s SOS Children’s Villages, and I flew to Chicago and I visited them. And it’s a great organization that helps to keep siblings from being separated.

Which is a thing that apparently happened to you.

Apparently. It was an older sister. So, I have no memory, but if my family history is correct, yes. But I do want to say, actually, it shouldn’t matter. People should give a damn about kids because they’re kids, for God’s sake. Right? But I went, “All right, maybe I can buy a piece of land out here [to help start] Children’s Villages California.” I envisioned The Sound of Music and all these happy kids who’d come from trauma running around like, what are they called? The Von Trapp family? I’ve never seen the film. But then I learned I was desperately unrealistic with that. The whole point is integration into community. And so it took forever, finally, and I have wonderful partners, so we just purchased five acres and we are now building with the purpose of keeping siblings together. And if they wish to stay in that place until they’re 21, they stay there until they’re 21. So we’re putting this together now and I have to go into something which is unknown territory for me: fundraising. I’m not good at asking for help from anybody. I’ve got to learn how to do that.

Can’t you just invent a character that’s a very effective fundraiser and play that character?

Exactly. When I went through years where I wasn’t getting work, there were times when, you know, I was looking through like, “Oh, what’s my insurance policy, because the tree just fell from the neighbor’s yard?” And I was like, “I can’t read that.” But I went, “I will become a character who loves nothing more in life than reading insurance policies.” And I read it back to front, and then I called my State Farm representative and I went through it, and they were exhausted. They said, “We’ve never had anybody be this thorough with anything.” But, you’re exactly right. I have to become somebody who loves it, who loves doing that.

Listening to you talk about how deep you are in this project makes me wonder: Do you have a half-measure gear?

I just don’t bother with that half-measure gear. I go, “Ah, nah, I’m good,” or “Oh, really? Yeah, let’s go further than anyone’s gone before.” It makes life more entertaining.

Is that a taxing way to live?

I like being exhausted. I like to exhaust myself. I wanna be totally fucking used up, you know, by the end. It takes you to a place. You know what I mean?

Zach Baron is GQ’s senior staff writer.

PRODUCTION CREDITS: Photographs by Gregory Harris Styling by Mobolaji Dawodu Grooming by David Cox using Kevin Murphy Set design by Heath Mattioli for Frank Reps Produced by Patrick Mapel and Alicia Zumback at Camp Productions

#christian bale #christianbalefanatic #gq interview #interview #2022 #2020s actors #2020s icons #2020s hollywood #2020s photography #early 2020s #2020s movies #2020s films #2020s

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heyitsburtburt · 2 months

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Burt Burt explain what motivated you to game game

Hmmm, it's not so much gaming as it is being able to talk to people. I like being able to talk to others and seeing people get excited to see me and stuff. It makes me happy when I can talk to so many different people.

I guess that makes me an attention whore in a way, but I guess that's one way to see it. I just like being with other people you know. And despite my coworkers being my coworkers and the chief and higher ups being the way they are, we're also a big family you know.

And I don't think I'd trade that for the world.

#maybe for a few pizzas... hehehe #icilarastudios #burt burt speaks

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letmerambleplease · 7 months

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Hey everyone! This is my first time doing this but in the following lines I’ll try very hard to convince you to watch a movie. ^^ (Yeah this isn't a balanced review of the movie, more like me just gushing about it) The name is « Sweet Smell of Success » and it’s is really underrated. However, when I went on twitter the other day, I did see that it still gets some love there which makes me very happy! You can rent it on amazon prime.

Ok but first things first. I‘m not a native english speaker so please excuse any mistakes! Also… and this is pretty important, I feel like I need to give trigger warnings because the movie deals with some heavy themes, like abusive relation ships, self harm, questionable sexual situations (sorry don’t know how to describe it) and probably more stuff that you should be midful of when watching it. It is not very explicit though in my opinion, so you won’t see any blood for example on screen. Furthermore (haha I’m trying to remember fancy words from english class ^^‘) I really love the characters as characters, that does not mean I condone any of their actions obviously.

Ok! With all of that out oft he way let’s begin!

Sweet Smell of Success is a film noir drama released in 1957, directed by Alexander Mackendrick. It is based on a nouvelette « Cosmopolitan » by Ernest Lehman and in the main roles are starring Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis, Susan Harrison, and Martin Milner.

The movie is about a press agent named Sidney Falco (dope name btw) who works under the very powerful colomnist J.J. Hunsecker. J.J.‘s sister Susie Hunsecker is in a relationship with a man J.J. deems unworthy, which is why he wants Sidney to get them to break up. He himself does not want to ruin his relationship with his sister, who is already getting wary of him.

I will try to stay spoiler free for this first section. Later on I want to talk about more of my personal viewing experience and will probably get into Spoilers, but I’ll warn you then.

I would like to start by talking about the acting and the characters. The actors are all great but stand outs for me are Tony Curtis who plays Sidney and Burt Lancaster who plays J.J.. Even though the charcters are both very manipulative and horrible people, the two actors play them very differently, which makes it super fun to watch. Sidney is always on his feet and you can practically see how many gears in his head are turning to devise a new scheme. Tony Curtis portrays this very well through nervous gestures and facial expressions. He is also very good at showing Sidneys deceptive side and his charme. The movie establishes his motivation in the very first minutes, which is great because everything he does comes back to a desire to find financial and social success. To achieve his goals Sidney does not really care about anyone, however he is very nice to most people, in case they could be useful later. There are always a lot of people greeting him when he comes into a bar and he himself even says that he is basically keeping up appearances 24/7.

J.J. on the other hand is very calm and seems threatening even in seemingly normal conversations. In stark contrast to Sidney he does not seem that occupied with being nice and keeping appearances because he can get away with it. He doesn’t need to appease someone, peoply try to appease him.

The movie is very interesting because it portrays different kinds of power struggles and power dynamics. From a first glance it seems like J.J. is basically at the top. He is very influencial, super intimidating (like damn, I would be very scared of him in real life) and commands every conversation he is in. But inspite of all of that he still has his limitations. One of his biggest limitations is his sister Susie herself. I think she is the only person he at least tries to keep a friendly relatinship with, while also controlling every aspect of her life. I think he knows that when she decides to leave that he can’t really do anything about it, so he pressures her into staying by intimidating her, while also trying to not push her over the edge. And at the end their whole dynamic switches, which leaves him standing quietly and kind of in a crouching position behind a door. It is a little difficult to explain tob e honest and if you are someone who watched the film let me know what you think.

Another thing is that, while Sidney definitly ranks beneath him in the power pyramid if you will, he still needs him to accomplish his goals. Because as I said before Sidney is very cunning and fast to not only devise a plan but to execute it as well.

There is a lot more to say about the characters and their dynamics however I’ll stop here for now to talk a little bit about how the movie structures it scenes.

Most oft he time the Movie follows Sidney and his schemes, and there are just some scenes here and there with him missing. And it is so much fun to see scenes building on each other, while his plans get more complicated. And to be honest at least for me there never is a dull moment. Because the movie is very good at making even little scenes matter later.

Maybe I can give you an example. These scenes are mostly there to show how Sidney works and acts, so they primarily exist to characterize him and I think they are very cool. So, Sidney goes to J.J.’s Column (I think) where he visits some kind of secretary who has information on what will be printed in the next issue. He flirts with her a little (again showing how charming he can be) however she already knows that he only wants information and tells him about a comedian without existing press agent who will be featured in the paper under the headline « Funniest man in New York » or something similar like that. That scene alone is fine, however it gets really cool when he later meets said comedian. He obvously wants to get hired so he tells the Comedian that he has connections that can get the comedian into J.J.‘s paper (which is a big deal). He then proceeds to fake a phone call with J.J. (It’s hilarious because he just calls his own secretary who hangs up confused about what he is talking about). He pretends to suggest an article about the comedian and even uses the same Headline he found out about earlier. After that he goes back tot he comedian, knowing fully well that the article will be published the next day. And later in the movie the comedian comes back to hire him. (At that point he get’s ignored though, because Sidney has bigger plans). Like, Sidney is awful, sexist, racist, manipulative and overall pretty bad but it is a real delight to see what plans he comes up with.

I want to also mention the visuals of the movie. Because they are gorgeous! The movie is in black and white which I did not like for a long time because I thought it made everything look washed out and kind of dull. However the contrast in Sweet Smell of Succes is very nice! There are bright highlights and deep shadows and the lighting is often used to convey a specific athmosphere. For example when half of the face of a character is completly covered in shadows. Another neat example is how the glasses of J.J. cast some sharp shadows on his face to make him seem more menacing. A lot of it is shot at nighttime in New York, where are a lot of lights, which makes a very cool backdrop.

It is also very cool how each indovidual shot subconsciously tells us something about the relationships between the characters. J.J. is often sitting but takes still more space up in the frame to show his dominance of a scene. Or sometimes the focus of the camera shifts slightly away from a conversation that is happening in the foreground to show Sidney in the back, because he orchestrated the situation.

In general the movie is full of cool, little things and tricks. That is in the script and the visuals. In one of my favourite scenes (not because oft he content but because of how it was shot) Susies Love interest gets surroundet by corrupt police men and before anything happens it cuts tot he drums oft the Jazz band that is playing in the club he just left. Our mind automatically makes the connection that he was beaten up pretty badly, without even seeing it.

Why is all of this important? Well, as someone who likes to watch movie reviews on Youtube I feel like a criticism I hear a lot is that a movie treats ist viewers like they are too dumb to understand subliminal messages and thus becomes boring or even insulting. It is also just a lot more fun to watch a movie that does not take you out of the story wit exposition and instead let’s you figure stuff out for yourself.

This all may sound like Sweet Smell of Success is a movie without a lot of taking. But that is very far from the truth. I would actually say that the dialogue is one of its biggest strengths! Not only informs you a lot about the characters, it also includes some of the coolest lines I have heard in any media. The lines „Cat’s In The Bag … ” and “. . . And The Bag’s In The River” even served as episode titles for a show I also love very much : Breaking Bad. Side note, Sweet Smell of Sucess is also one of the favourite movies of the creator of Breaking Bad. Haha maybe that’s a more convincing argument to watch it that anything I could say. Anyways, the dialogue is also great at referencing itself at later points and creating awesome foreshadowing.

I also want to talk about the music very briefly. I think the soundtrack fits the story and overal vibe of the setting perfectly. A cool little easter egg is that the Band of which Susies Love interest Steve is a part of is also the band who made the soundtrack fort he movie.

Just for fun I want to talk about my first viewing experience, which might include Spoilers. Maybe you can watch the movie first and come back later to compare your experience to mine. However the movie does not get ruined through Spoilers. I watched it a few times already and noticed something cool and new almost every time.

For a little bit of context : I actully only watched the movie because I already liked Tony Curtis. By chance I caught Operation Petticoat on TV. And to be completly honest I just thought he was very handsome, so with nothing better to do I started to watch more movies he starred in. I did not expect to find one of my favourite movies of all time XD So I started watching and the first thing I noticed was that it was interesting to start the movie with the main character already stressed and angry. I feel like normally we get so see the characters in their „normal „ state, which get’s disrupted by an inciting incident. Sweet Smell of Success throws you right in the action though. On second thought, stressed and angry might me Sidneys default state…

Something to know is that a lot of the audience back when the movie was released did not like that Tony Curtis portayed such a scheming character. They expected him tob e a nice guy like he was in pretty much all of his other movies. And the funny thing is, I did too. It took me soooo long to finally realize that Sidney was just not meant to be a nice character. I think in one of his first scenes he even says „I‘m not a good person“ or something along those lines. For an explanation: A lot of the movie was very difficult for me to understand in english, partly because I just didn’t know the words they were using and partly because Sweet Smell of Succes’s story line is not that simple. So fort he majority oft he film I sat there a little confused but still intrigued. And then came the scene in which Sidney tries to persuade a woman into sleeping with a man for his own gain and clearly against her wishes. And I was like „???? that is not ok Sidney! How am I supposed to root for you now? Is this a 50’s thing? Did they think back then something like that was ok?“. And then later when he plants the drugs on Steve I thought for sure he would go back and save him from the police, as a redeeming moment. And when he didn’t it finally occured to me that we weren’t supposed to root for Sidney in the first place. And that is when the movie got super interesting. Because Susie pretty much finds out that Sidney and J.J. were behind the assault of her Lover (though it is a little ambiguous). And she and Sidney meet up in her and J.J.‘s apartement and honestly my heart beat so fast while watching this scene! Because you really don’t know what will happen. If there is a happy end for the main character, that would not be really a happy end, because the main character is a selfish, horrible person.

*Major Spoiler incoming* At the end Susie tries to jump of her balcony, however Sidney is barly able to rescues her. She is obviously very distraught by the whole situation and just in that Moment J.J. comes back home. As I said before the movie is not always very clear with what is going on inside of the minds of the characters however this is how I understood the ending: Sidney got a message from J.J. which ordered him to come to his apartement, however when he arrives J.J. is not there… just Susie. I am pretty sure she called him there to make it seem like he was directly responsible for her death. This way she would have taken revenge on Sidney and J.J. simultaniously, while also escaping her current seemingly hopeless living condition. And I guess this ending would have worked, however it would have been pretty dark. I love happy endings and I think the actual ending is as close as you can get to one with a movie like this. The dialogue is very well written, especially at the end. It is honestly a little to difficult to summerize all the nuances, because there are a lot of lies and truths that are made out to be lies and so on. I think you’ll need to see it for yourself.

I love the ending because it seems like every character gets what they deserve (except for Steve, poor guy is in the hospital) Sidney told Susie the truths about their schemes, which made J.J. turn on him and send a corrupt cop after him. Not only gets he beat up and who knows what happens after that but also are the chances of him achieving the goal he chased after the whole movie : finding succes, pretty much down to zero. Susie finally breaks free from her brother and goes to her boyfriend. I am really glad she did not need to die but instead gets to have a better future, symbolized by a ray of light she walks into in her last scene. You could say that J.J. gets of a little to light, however it is stated that Susie is the only family he has and that he cares for her (though in a crontrolling way). And with her breaking free from him he lost the only human connection he actually wanted in his life. At any rate it feels like a very satisfying conclusion to me.

#sweet smell of success #old movies #movie recommendation #movie 1957 #50s #50s movies #tony curtis #burt lancaster #50s actress #50s actor #movie review #cinema #love this movie #criterion collection #hollywood #classic movies #movie thoughts

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