#but I hadn't even thought about the fact we can make as many happy memories in my new place as we did in my old uni flat

[ifimdreaming]

can i take you home?

luke hughes x reader || angst, fluff

request: “i like the idea of her best friend going to michigan/dating a former teammate of lukes so thats how luke and reader meet! i love angst and given that its lukes rookie year/she goes to college in another state, maybe they could be friends w benefits but both have strong feelings.”

author's note: i thought this request was so so cute so i kind of took it and ran. also kinda influenced by i miss you, im sorry by gracie abrams. this is also super long but i hope the ending is worth it. let me know if i should do more parts of this!

word count: 5.0k

-

Waking up to the sound of your best friend pounding on the guest bedroom door at 7am was not exactly the best way to start your day. But since you are staying the weekend in her student house that she shares with 5 other people, there are definitely unluckier ways you could have been awoken. 

“Morning sleepy head!!! I'm so happy you're up!” your best friend Emma almost shouts as she barges in the room, after you very reluctantly told her she could come in. She immediately begins opening the curtains, and rummaging through her closet to find her outfit for the day.

In her haste she almost spills the two cups of coffee she had brought up from the kitchen as she sets them on the dresser beside the bed, her mug being almost completely empty anyway. You can tell by her enthusiasm and caffeine intake that she has been up for quite a long time before deciding to wake you up. 

You groggily roll over and face away from the wide open curtains, not ready to face the day yet and really disappointed in yourself for choosing to drive up so late last night in the first place.

Of course you were happy to be able to visit your best friend, the two of you going to different schools making it incredibly hard to spend much time together anymore. But being back here brought back so many memories of the last time you visited. Both good and bad. And to be honest, all you could think about was him. From the very moment Emma invited you, he has been on your mind nonstop. 

The way he made you feel so utterly adored when he brought you back to his room, how he spoke to you so gently and quietly the one morning when you were hungover, the time he spilled and called you ‘his’ while you were in bed together, and how much it seemed like it would last forever. It was all coming back so strongly.

“So, what are the plans for the day Little Miss Sunshine?” you sit up, reluctantly speaking your first words of the day after clearing your throat. 

“Well! First I thought we'd go get bagels for breakfast from down the street, and then I think one of us may need a quick shower before we officially start our day…” Emma says with a hand on the side of her mouth, pretending to be saying a secret as she is side-eyeing you, and you just stare at her offendedly, “Aaand we are doing something tonight so maybe we should go shopping..” she says quickly and excitedly, clearly brushing past what exactly it is that we are doing tonight.

“Alright then.” you say as you check your phone for probably the 20th time in the 10 minutes you've been awake. And you can see Emma staring at you from the corner of your eye so you decide to throw your phone to the other side of the bed, getting up and ready to go. You knew she wasn't oblivious, but you did not want to acknowledge the look she was giving you right now, and honestly it did not seem necessary to bring anything up.

Besides, this weekend isn't even about him. Dylan's surprise birthday party is tomorrow and your best friend was so excited to be planning it with your help. She hadn't done anything this extravagant for her boyfriend before and she wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

Obviously the last thing you would want to do is ruin this weekend for her, and your stupid feelings and non-relationship are included in that.

-

The walk to the bagel shop seemed awkwardly long as you were both not acknowledging the fact that your mind is very very distracted. It wasn't intentional. But feelings and places have such strong connections and the fact that things felt so unresolved was not helping. Everywhere you are here reminds you of him.

“How's your bagel?” Emma speaks up, finally breaking the silence on your walk home, thankfully giving you an opportunity to get out of your thoughts.

“Oh it's good! Thanks! I was super hungry…” you say, trying to muster up a believable enough reason for why you've been so off today. 

You continue walking and shuffling your feet in silence and are about to return back to the house before Emma looks at you and sighs loudly.

So. Close. You are literally about to step onto the driveway of the house when she stops you. 

“Ok can we just talk about it please? Because there is no way we are going to get through this entire weekend just ignoring it.” she says, stepping in front of you and blocking any sort of way for you to get out of this conversation. 

“What are you talking about?” you say with a grumble and a sigh. Knowing she is going to get it out of you. Obviously she would.

“Luke.” Emma says deadpan, waiting for your response.

For some reason at this moment you wanted to cry just hearing his name. But you also wanted to yell. Your feelings were confusing and annoying and it upset you to even have to talk about it with someone, even though you knew you should.

“I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I can't stop thinking about him, and everything is so confusing.” you whisper-yell at her in frustration. 

It pained you to admit that you couldn't get him off your mind. You didn't realise how much you even liked him until having to admit that.

“He visited me during christmas… I mean, he did in the fall, but this time felt different.” You continue,  “We slept together again. Everything felt like it was going so well…And now nothing.” you admit to her and wipe your face with your sleeves, angry at the tears that have fallen from your eyes. 

“Has he called?” She asks warily.

“Once? Last week. It was short… but he sounded sad. He said he misses me. And he told me he really wanted to visit me. And I've texted him since then and no response.” you look down at your feet as you speak. It really shouldn't be this embarrassing to admit. It's not like you were in a relationship with him anyway.

“He's going to be here...tomorrow? I didn't know if you knew..” Emma says as she grabs your arm and slowly brings you close to her as you begin walking inside together and you nod your head in her direction.

You knew he would be here. Dylan is one of his best friends, obviously he isnt going to miss his 21st birthday. But with how things were currently going, it honestly made you wonder if Luke would even want you here. And what do his friends even know about you two? Has Luke said anything? So many questions are going through your head that it is almost making you dizzy.

-

The rest of the day is so much lighter after your earlier conversation. Emma is exponentially good at cheering people up, and maybe even to a fault, will always be on your side no matter what. But you appreciated it regardless.

You are currently finishing up putting on your makeup and getting ready to go out tonight, still very unaware of what the plan even is. But you didn't have much of a choice in the matter as Emma has picked out every aspect of your outfit tonight - down to the shoes, makeup, and jewellery.

Suddenly Emma gets a call from Dylan and runs into her bathroom to answer the phone, the music cutting out that was playing from her phone as she heads off, and silence filling the room.

You weren't intending to be eavesdropping, but you are able to hear muffled voices from the other side of the door and very hushed arguing that you couldn't quite make out. Making you curious as to what could possibly be going on tonight.

Emma saunters back into the room with hesitancy, her expression is scared and concerned at the same time as she is approaching you almost in slow-motion, saying nothing.

“What is it? Just spit it out.” you say, already knowing you are either about to hear the worst news of all time or the worst news of all time.

“Ok surprise! We're going out for sushi! Yay!” Emma says, obviously starting with the good news and you stay silent.

“And…Luke is coming out with us.” she continues, flinching at her own words as she plops herself on the bed across from you. You sit at her desk, makeup in hand, and cannot help but have an absolutely astonished look on your face. 

Nothing is able to even leave your mouth as her words run through your mind again and again.

“I am so SO sorry.” She starts. “One of the guys accidentally told Dylan that Luke is in town and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for tomorrow, so I told Dylan that Luke and I were trying to surprise him tonight for dinner. I didn't know what else to say. It was literally the first thing that came to my mind. I'm so sorry.” she continues, worried she has done irreparable damage on your friendship.

“You can kill me now.” Emma blurts out defeatedly, wanting to keep the surprise for tomorrow and not wanting all her efforts to be ruined the day before the party.

Obviously you love that girl, but very much did want to kill her in this moment.

“Does Luke know I'm going to be there?” you ask, brushing past everything else she has said.

“Dylan said he would tell him, yeah, but if you don't want to come please don't feel like you have to.” she says with a small smile, hoping you have some-what forgiven her.

“No, I'll still come.” you say quietly but matter-of-factly.

If Luke knew you were coming, it would be weird if you decided to stay home now because of it, and besides, what would you do here alone? Thinking of what he would be doing and wishing you could read his mind is all you can think of.

“OH? This is good! Ok! Dylan said he is picking us up in 20 minutes!” Emma states, suddenly very excitedly, hoping it will cheer you up to see that she is excited. And as you continue getting ready, nervous energy and anticipation fill your body.

- 

Dylan shows up right on time, unfortunately for you, not giving you any extra time to sit and wallow in your feelings.

It was inevitable that you would be seeing Luke this weekend, but this quickly and under these conditions was not exactly ideal. You were hoping to at least be able to have a one-on-one conversation with him before being thrown into random get togethers where things have no chance but to be awkward.

The drive to dinner is surprisingly happy. Dylan seems so excited to be seeing his best friend again. He can't stop talking about the last time they saw each other and how long it has been. And Emma's laughter and giddy energy is helping you calm down and distract you just a little bit.

“The reservation is for 7pm so we might have to wait in the car for a few minutes.” Emma says, checking her phone as Dylan pulls up to the restaurant a bit early. 

The dim lighting and intimate booths look extremely inviting as you peer inside the windows of the restaurant from the parking lot. You can't help but get distracted by watching people inside as Emma and Dylan talk from the front seats of the car and are cutely chatting to each other quietly.

“There's my boy!” Dylan yells out as he jumps out of the driver's seat, running up to give Luke a hug across the parking lot.

“Ready?” Emma looks back and asks you, reassuringly placing her hand on your knee and rubbing her thumb up and down a few times.

“Guess so…” you say with a fake smile as you grab your purse from beside you, and as you are about to leave the car, you see a tall figure standing right outside your door.

Only a little bit startled, you look up to see Luke as he opens your door for you and greets you with a tired smile. He is dressed nicely in black pants and a cream cable knit sweater, his hair curly and tousled up like always. 

As you step out of the car he brings you into a tight hug, like he just couldn't wait to hold you again.

“I missed you…” Luke whispers so quietly into your ear that you almost couldn't hear him. He swiftly leaves a gentle kiss to the side of your head as he brings his hands just a bit lower down your back, “I’m sorry” he says quietly as he releases you.

As much as you want to reciprocate, you are so caught off guard by his words that you just stare up at him without a word.

“Alright let's go! I'm so hungry!” Dylan says, unaware of the tension, as he pats Luke's back and wraps an arm around him, walking in front of you and Emma and into the restaurant. 

Emma is glancing at you as you walk together, waiting to hear from you what Luke said, but you decide to ignore it with a shrug and she looks away. 

-

Dinner is filled with laughter and catching up with one another. Surprisingly it wasn't even half as awkward as you built it up to be. Dylan chatting away with Luke as you and Emma giggle across from each other about all the drama at your respective schools. 

Having a couple of drinks throughout the night was definitely helping, but regardless of that, you felt good. Really good.

“Luke, how's the love life going for you? You got a girl in Jersey?” Dylan asks with a laugh as Emma had just bragged about her and Dylan going on 2 years of being together.

She shoots you a regretful look as she hits Dylan's side with her elbow, not as discreetly as she probably wanted to, and your face turns bright red.

Luke looks down at his lap and shakes his head with a chuckle, seemingly avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.

“No man, no girl in jersey.” Luke says lightly as he takes a drink of his beer before the two of you make eye contact and he glances down to your fidgety hands that are in your lap. 

“My bad, my bad…” Dylan says with a laugh as he clears his throat and starts back to finishing the food on his plate, Emma quietly shushing her clueless boyfriend beside her.

Your nervous hands continue to pick at your cuticles and you look over to see Luke inching his hand closer beside yours on the booth bench. Looking up from your lap, you see him glancing back at you as he waits for your reaction before discreetly taking your hand in his under the table.

The feeling of his hand in yours is so comforting and familiar and immediately eases your anxiousness. But you still feel so conflicted.

Luke always knew how to comfort you and distract you from your thoughts when they were out of control. Especially during busy school semesters and many nights spent together with him keeping you company while you anxiously wrote papers and prepped for exams. 

He seemed to be there for you when it felt like you had no one else. At least that's how it used to feel. Now things feel so complicated. Not knowing the status of your relationship surprisingly taking a much larger toll on your ability to act like friends than you would have ever thought.

“So! I've got the bill tonight guys. Happy birthday Dyl!” Emma blurts out as the waiter approaches the table, she leans over to give her boyfriend a loving kiss, comfortably filling the awkward silence that had just taken over the table not long before.

“Thank you baby! And hey! thanks guys for coming out tonight too.” Dylan smiles at the both of you as he lifts up his glass for a toast. You all clink your glasses, wishing him happy birthdays that follow big swigs of your almost empty alcoholic beverages.

Walking out of the restaurant, your mind fills with running thoughts. You wish you had spoken to Luke more tonight but it was hard to not make anything obvious. He seemed good, but still weirdly sad and you wanted to talk to him about it so badly. You wanted to talk to him about everything.

As you near Dylan's car you feel Luke's hand brush against yours and lightly hold your wrist, turning you around to face him.

“Can I take you home?” Luke shyly asks you as you all stand in the parking lot together. You mutter a “sure” under your breath with a nod, and he looks to Dylan and Emma for confirmation, both of them nodding in agreement before bringing you into tight hugs and saying goodbyes.

“Tell me everything that happens girly.” Emma runs back over to you and whispers into your ear as she hugs you goodbye once more, and all you can do is let out a small laugh in response to her teenage-esque behaviour.

-

After Dylan and Emma drive away, the short walk over to Luke’s car suddenly seems agonisingly long and your heart is racing in anticipation. Over anything else that happens tonight, you really wanted clarity. But of course, thoughts of the worst possible outcome ever sneak their way into your mind.

Luke opens the passenger side door for you and you climb into his car before he gently closes the door and walks to the other side. As he gets in, he begins to start the car before he looks over to you and pauses, the quiet becoming almost painful. 

You didn't know what to say, and you didn't want to say the wrong thing. So, waiting for him to break the silence seemed to be your best bet.

“I know I should have thought of something to say…” He starts, and shuffles in his seat, slightly bending his right leg so he is facing you a little more.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped responding to you.” Luke continues, and you almost want to roll your eyes at his apology. It was so hard to be understanding when this felt like such a preventable situation on his part.

But you knew Luke. You knew when he was scared he got distant. You knew he was pulling back from you. You just didnt know why.

“Things have been so…weird…lately, and I just…I know I fucked up.” He confesses.

You didn't want to be reading between the lines anymore. You just wanted him to be honest with you about what he wants, and it frustrated you that he was being so vague.

“Luke, what do you want? Like, from me?” you ask innocently, but squint your eyes closed tightly as the words coming out of your mouth sound completely different from what you intended.

“Like, you told me we were friends. And obviously I was ok with that. But when you would visit me, we’d sleep together. And when you left it was like. I don't know…” you look down and pick at your fingers as you speak, looking up at him feeling like an almost impossible task.

“You told me you wanted to be friends.” Luke states, and gently grabs your hand. He holds it in his to stop you from destroying your fingers as you speak, which causes you to look up at him, thanking him silently, as he waits on your response.

“I said that because I knew how hard it would be for us to be so far away from each other.” you say strongly, feeling the sudden need to defend yourself.

“You know how important school is to me, and I know how important your career is to you. I don't want to distract you from what's important to you. I don't want to be the one that gets in the way of things, or be the reason why you're not as focused as you could be…as much as I want to be-” you begin to confess, but are quickly cut off.

“It's kinda too late for that…” Luke says with a chuckle as he tilts his head back against the headrest of his seat and looks out the front window, frustration still evidently seen on his face.

“What do you mean??” you ask, hoping he will elaborate a little more than he has been so far.

“You already distract me. I can't stop thinking about you. And it's obvious. In my game and everything too. Even Jack has noticed and he keeps asking me about you and I don't even know what to say. I can't shut him up. Cuz how am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't even tell you? Its actually really fuckin annoying.” he laughs as he explains, still looking ahead out the window instead of at you. 

Luke has always sought to use humour and jokes in difficult situations, especially when it comes to his own feelings. He's clearly frustrated at himself and it hurts you to see him having such a hard time expressing himself.

“So why have you been so distant lately?! I’ve been really worried about you.” you say, suddenly feeling more confident in confronting him as he opens up to you.

“Cuz im scared im gonna fuck things up even more than I already have…” he says honestly as he turns his head to look at you again.

“I knew I should've said something from the moment we slept together the first time. I feel like I fucked up by keeping my mouth shut. It's been ruining my life to not just be honest with you.” he adds with a growl deep in his voice, anger at himself seeping through his words.

As he continues, you can't help but feel entranced by him in his current state, and suddenly you are very aware of how late at night it is becoming. 

“It's my fault...” Luke says, and you desperately try to focus on his words and not his body. 

But you can't help but think about how good his hands would feel on your body and how badly you want him to kiss you right here and now. You didn't care that you were still in the parking lot of a sushi restaurant. You didn't care that things were still so confusing and that this probably wasn't exactly the most ideal time to be feeling this way. You just felt like you needed him so badly.

“I've been treating you like shit lately. Regardless of us sleeping together, that should not change how I treat you. I've been a shitty friend to you, and I'm really really sorry.” he continues, and you are brought out of your trance. 

His words hit you so hard. You both unknowingly made this relationship so complicated and weren't even aware of it. You knew Luke was not perfect, but for some reason you expected him to be able to read your mind, and vice versa. Even after being the one to say you should stay friends, you were silently upset that nothing was happening in the way you wanted.

“Luke, it's ok. Both of us have not been entirely honest with each other lately and it's made everything so… fucked up. We’re just… in a weird spot.” you say, hoping your words make any sense considering you zoned out for half of his apology.

“Can I just say that I want to be able to fix this?” Luke says as he places his hand on your thigh, his fingers mindlessly getting higher and higher as he rubs slowly back and forth. Trying his best to soothe you and unknowingly turning you on even more.

“It isn't just on you to fix.” you say as you place your hand softly over his, stopping his movement on your leg as to not let it overly distract you.

“Yes it is. I let you down. I fucked up by being so fucking…distant. I should've been more clear about what I want…that I want you..” Luke admits, giving into what he has wanted to say from the moment you got into the car together.

His eyes are fixed on yours and it makes your heart flutter in your chest. Hearing him so confidently confess how he is feeling after so long is such a relief. It makes you want to just tell him you love him right here and now.

“I know things are complicated…but, I really don't want to not have you in my life…” Luke adds as tears begin to well in his eyes, catching you both off guard.

“Oh Lukey.” you whisper as you hold his face in your hands, your heart melting at the sight of him. 

Luke places his hands on your wrists, pulling them away from his face as he finally leans into you. 

His lips hit yours with an intensity that you have never felt before from him. His hands move away from yours, and to the base of your neck, gently pulling you closer into him as he deepens the kiss. 

Your eyes are glued shut as you are entranced by his lips finally being connected with yours as his tongue dances around in your mouth. 

Needing to have your hands on him, you reach up to brush his face with your thumbs and then begin gently tugging at the curls at the nape of his neck, causing him to lustfully groan deep into your mouth. Your mind is filled with excitement and intensity as the moment grows in mutual desire.

“I needed you baby.” You say rushedly, disconnecting with him for only a moment.

Luke smiles against your lips as you connect again, and he places his left hand on your hip, massaging his fingers into your side. You lift yourself lightly onto the centre-console, desperate to be as close to him as you can get, and he lowers his hand just below your ass to help support you.

Although being in the close quarters of Luke's car while having such a monumental conversation about your relationship was not quite ideal, you were so thankful for it at this moment.

“I needed you too.” Luke says after coming up for air, and you just stare at him with a dizzy smile, your head reeling with arousal.

He pecks your lips a few times before lowering his head to your collarbone, gently kissing your neck and leaving red marks where he most definitely has before.

Your giggles fill the car as he continues expeditiously exploring your body, wanting to savour every moment of your presence and relishing in the way he is pleasing you.

Luke looks up at you with a smile before his eyebrows furrow and he is distracted by something behind you, causing you to whip your head around to look out your window, immensely alarmed at his expression. 

Luke lightly lets go of you, allowing you to sit properly in your seat and as your eyes focus on the window, the sight of a kind-looking restaurant hostess tapping on the glass outside of your door almost sends you reeling into a panic. 

Luke quickly reassures you with a laugh, placing his hand on your arm and starting the car before beginning to roll your window down for them to speak.

“I am so sorry if I startled you, but our restaurant has closed, which means we can no longer allow you to park here, as free parking ends at midnight.” the hostess explains politely while pointing to the sign posted on the brick wall just in front of Luke's car. 

“Thanks Ma’am. We’re so s-sorry.” Luke pauses to hide his face, clearly hiding that he is about to break into laughter.

“We’ll leave right aw-” Luke laughs out, hardly able to finish his sentence before being sent into a fit of silent laughter.

“We’re so sorry. Have a good night!” you say more seriously, trying to make up for the completely unserious boy beside you.

“Goodnight guys!” the hostess says as she walks away, leaving you completely embarrassed and also scared half to death.

Luke continues dying of laughter and is hunched over the steering wheel as you punch his arm repeatedly to get his attention.

“That was awful! Why are you laughing so hard!” you say unimpressed, but still unable to hold back laughter of your own after seeing him look up at you with tears in his eyes.

“Fuck. I can't get over your face.” Luke says as he begins to come down a little, wiping the tears from his eyes. You just shake your head and begin to buckle your seatbelt, not taking any chances of having to be asked to leave once more.

“Fuck.” he says once more with a sigh, relaxing in his seat and looking over to you with a genuine smile before patting your thigh reassuringly.

You look to Luke expectantly and he stares back at you with a smirk before kissing your lips passionately, catching you off guard. 

Your hands are drawn to his face as he nudges your chin with his, causing you to lean into him even further before he pulls away from you abruptly.

“Can I take you home?” Luke asks with lust in eyes as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, admiring every single feature on your face. His words having a different meaning to both of you than they have previously tonight.

“For real this time?? Because you know we cant sit in this parking lot any longer…” you say jokingly as Luke rolls his eyes at you and begins to put his seatbelt on.

“Yes, for real this time.” He retorts. His right hand eagerly finding yours as he interlocks your fingers with his, bringing your hand up to his lips to place a tender kiss before finally driving off.

-

-

[imprettytired]

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Before this next chapter begins I would like to say something:

I'm sorry about not getting this chapter out sooner. I've been dealing with a lot of mental health issues as well as getting distracted.

Tw: mentions of drugs, self harm, alcohol, arguing, and disordered eating.

Chapter 3:

Mammon walks around, taking in the familiar, yet new environment around him. He's never seen the Devildom in such a beautiful and bright way, albeit a bit blurry.

He tries his best to calm down, to understand that his brothers do in fact love him.

"Hey" he hears someone yell "you're Mammon right?"

Mammon turned, half expecting it was someone that he had borrowed money from and never paid back, but it wasn't.

Mammon's eyes lands on a group of demons, he doesn't feel like counting how many, but he knows that's it's more than one.

"You seem to be enjoying your self right now." He said now pointing at mammon's face.

Mammon didn't understand, was his face different? He begins to touch his face making the group of demons laugh.

"Dude I meant that you look high".

"Oh" Mammon mumbled

"I'm kinda glad I didn't send you home with anything to strong. Don't want your brothers to see ya'" now starting to calm down from his laughing fit.

"It's different from yesterday?" Mammon thought though he had no recollection of the previous night. The confusion must had been evident on his his face as a demon took a step forward.

"I really overestimated what you could handle last night"

"I wasn't that bad, was I?" Mammon asked, worried that he might have done something stupid.

"You kinda just sat on the couch and spaced out, you talked sometimes but nothing you said made any sense"

"Oh." Why didn't Mammon remember this?

They began to part ways but just then Mammon remembered something.

"Wait" the group of demons paused when he said that "do you know whose number this is?"

He showed them the unknown person that texted him earlier. He hadn't realized how sweaty his hands were before then.

"Oh yeah that's mine dude."

"Sorry I guess I forgot to put my name. Here." The demon takes the phone and updates the contacts.

----

Mammon was now on the roof of RAD watching as people began to trickle into the school. He doesn't plan on going to classes today

He thinks back to the events of earlier. Did he actually steal his brothers stuff? He doesn't remember, but he feels like it couldn't have been him. He wouldn't have taken something from everyone, would he?

"You know no one believes you right?" Yeah he knows.

He doesn't even believe himself.

----

Mammon gets home before any of his siblings could make it. Skipping school really helps with that.

He heads straight to his room as he fears that staying outside of it for too long would cause him to be blamed for something else that he didn't do.

Though it seems like that didn't work.

When he enters his room he sees that it was a mess. He doesn't remember leaving the room like this but with how his memory has been who knows.

He sighs, frustrated with himself for letting his room get like this. He begins to clean up.

----

"I don't even know where he could have hid it" he heard Leviathan "I searched through his entire room but there was nothing."

"He probably already sold it Levi" Asmodeous said "I swear he's such an ass."

"I don't know why we keep him around" belphegor added.

That one hurt Mammon alot. He felt his chest tighten, but he tries is hardest not to cry.

It doesn't help that the pills wears off leaving him with a numb feeling he has started to grow accustomed to.

He hated this feeling. He wants to go back to the happiness the pills had gifted him.

While this is cool he doesn't want to get addicted he doesn't worry too much though "this is only my third time" he thought "I can stop at any time. This is just for fun."

The pill, while replacing his sadness, didn't erase his anger. He grabs his wallet and some other things, and exits his room, but not before glancing at the mirror first. He looks like a complete mess.

He had no idea what he was going to say or do but he didn't intend to just leave without telling them something first.

He stopped when he saw his brothers, his breath now quick and shallow. Soon his brothers where looking at him. Mammon points at Leviathan.

"If you" Mammon pauses, trying his best to collect himself "ever enter my room for whatever reason I will beat your ass."

It caught his brothers off guard. Leviathan tries to say something but Mammon stops him.

"Don't speak." Mammon holds his finger up, hand trembling from rage "You're so convinced that I stole something from-"

"Because you did"

"NO I FUCKING DIDN'T LEVI." Mammon takes a step forward watching as his brother quickly takes some steps back.

"Why are you getting this mad to begin with?"

He's right. He usually didn't care. He has no clue why he was so angry, it wasn't about the room, but he says the first thing that pops in his head that would make even some sense.

"Because what you did to my room was disgusting. If you were so convinced that I stole your shit why didn't you find it? Why'd you have to destroy my room-"

"I didn't destroy your room."

"Don't interrupt me again Levi." Mammon is getting angrier. He looked around the room.

Fear

He loves that. They, or at least some of his brothers, are afraid.

He didn't want to hurt his brother. He loved him too much to ever hurt him.

Maybe their afraid he's gonna hurt Leviathan.

Which is valid.

Maybe their afraid Mammon will target them next.

Another valid point.

Or maybe their afraid of him. Just him.

He doesn't know what he looks like at this exact moment, but if it was anything like he saw in the mirror as he was heading out it was probably a complete mess. He didn't even sound the same.

"I swear Levi you better hope that you don't find your shit in your room because if I find out you messed up my room because your irresponsible ass couldn't look for shit properly I don't know what I'm going to do to you."

Mammon stormed out of the house. Slamming the door behind him.

----

Soon he feels no reason to angry, he was back to his happy self.

As Mammon begins to walk around aimlessly, he receives a message:

"Do you want to hang out?"

It was one of the people he had met earlier, although now he's forgot how he has the person's number.

"Sure"

He's sent a location, somewhere on the other side of town that he didn't feel like walking too, so he goes and finds the nearest taxi.

"Hey can you take me somewhere?"

Judging by the look on the demons face, he must have thought Mammon was crazy.

"Where?"

"Home."

"Where is home?"

He paused for a moment, remembering why he left in the first place.

"No where"

"Okay so where do you want to go?"

Mammon took out his phone to pull up the location again but stops as he looks at the new messages from his family group chat, ignoring the recent ones calling him names, he scrolls up a bit to a few hours ago. Many messages where to tell him that he missed the meeting, but he only one stood out to him.

Asmo had sent a picture of him with all the brothers and by the look of it, Mammon assumes it's from today's meeting.

His siblings were in the background doing various things, some not even noticing that their picture was being taken:

But there's was no Mammon.

If Mammon left forever would he truly be missed? It's such ,but for some reason this picture hurt him.

"Sir"

"Sorry sorry I'm so sorry umm" he pulls up the location of his new friends

"Here."

"Okay get in"

Mammon can't help but think about his brothers and how happy they are without him. He hadn't realized it, but even in his incredibly happy state he was still crying. It was a painful feeling but that wasn't the worst part, it wasn't even close to it.

The worst part for him is:

He's happy that they're happy without him.

----

He hands the driver some money, then stumbles out of the taxi. "Was there even taxi's in the devildom?" Mammon thinks. He turns to check,

But it had already left.

Mammon's eyes fall upon an old house that, if wasn't abandoned already, really should have been.

The decrepit house has had shattered windows, an uncared-for front yard, and graffiti tags all over the exterior of things to blurry for Mammon to make out.

It was probably what Diavolo had been picturing during one of his plans to have some of the abandoned houses in the devildom tore down a few weeks back.

The front door that was barely on its hinges flew open.

"Hey Mammon"

"You don't live here right?" Was the first thing to fly out of Mammon's mouth

"What? No. Dude who would live here? It's just somewhere to hang out"

Mammon opens his mouth, trying to get out an apology, but his mouth was too dry.

"Come on." The demon gestured to Mammon while walking further into the house.

Mammon walks up, careful as to not trip over any weeds or step on any sharp objects and enters the house.

Although the inside was in rough shape it wasn't nearly as bad as the front.

----

"Sooooo Mammon?" Mammon popped his head up from whatever he was drinking. He thinks it might be alcohol but he's not sure.

He was in the living room area of the house. Everyone was in random places in the room, Mammon sitting on a pillow on the floor as his new friends deemed it as the "best part of the house"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me something?"

"Ummm okay. What does cheese say when it gets it's picture taken?"

The room went silent. Then gradually everyone begins to laugh hard.

"Mammon your such an idiot" was said before the person began to start crying from laughing so hard.

This felt normal. Being surrounded by people who don't hate him. What would usually be insulting spat at him just became banter.

He was happy.

But he knows it can never last forever. Soon everyone calmed down.

"Hey Mammon there's something I need to tell you."

"What?" Mammon smiles expecting for another cringey joke to be told.

But there isn't.

"It's about the pills you've been taking."

[c-is-for-circinate]

Been thinking on and off all day about the Ashton backstory reveal last night, and the way it sort of cracks open Taliesin's "this is a character that has never had anything good happen to them, ever" for me. Been thinking about the idea of compounded trauma.

Because that's the thing about Ashton, right -- it's not that they've never had a single moment of happiness, of good, of friendship in their life. It's that they just keep losing it. In brand new ways, again and again and again. And I love that as a character note so much.

It's the way Ashton can think about being seven-ish-maybe-years-old, seeing the faces of his parents whose faces he didn't even remember, and can go, 'oh, shit, yeah, that old horrible thing, I hadn't even thought about that one in a while'. It's about that tiny child who just survived the destruction of everything, home and family and maybe even their own body, who was changed beyond repair -- and the difference between that child and the grown adult barbarian you see before you now, kintsugi skull, pieced together from the rubble of a brand new crisis after a whole lifetime of them. (Tell me growing up in an orphanage in this town wasn't a traumatic experience all in its own right.)

Just. The idea that Ashton could come face to face with the memory of their parents and think, it has been so long, there has been so much in the time in between, that you aren't even the wound that hurts the sharpest any more. You aren't even the most traumatic thing my friends know about me.

And also the way that of course, of course we can look at grown-ass adult Ashton and say, yeah, I see those attachment issues, I see that desperate need for control spun out of a childhood of loss and chaos, of course everything about the person you are is rooted back there in that event and that day. The way that both are true at once.

I don't have the right words for this. I don't have the right words for the aching beautiful truth of it, how you can be hurt so badly as a child and grow back twisted and bent from it, and then those twists and bends set you up perfectly to be pierced by all new and different danger, with just enough scar-callous to save you from that one too. And the most recent blow cuts the sharpest, and the long-scabbed-over gash in the roots doesn't really bleed at all any more, it just aches, sometimes, when the weather goes bad, when some new trauma puts pressure on the whole torqued-up tangled knot of you. It just directed the growth of everything that came after.

And so Ashton is full of fear, of rage, of helplessness, of desperation for control. Of so many things that have stacked up, little by little, over so many years; things that are about being a Greymoore teen and a Nobody adult and a Hishari child, as much one as any other. Full, now, of brand newer things that come from being a Bell's Hell. Engraved with new trauma now! New things to make Ashton into an even newer person, piling up even more.

These are layers we often see on characters after an epic adventure or a campaign, in fact. The M9 took their starting trauma and layered upon it a purple tiefling in a bloody field; layered Yasha, blood in her eyes and sword in Beau's chest; layered fear and desperation in a world of ice and cold. VM fought dragons and demons and death itself, and healed some things, sort of, by the end, but broke so many other ones. New traumas to stab them in new places, new nightmares, new dreams.

It's just really cool to see a character come in with those things already at the start of play.

[nana-kom]

Hi 👋🏻

This is a weight gain ff, so if you don’t like don’t read, this also contain smut.

Happy Meals

It all began when Chan returned to Australia. After finishing his studies in Korea, he had thought for a long time about what he wanted for his career, and finally returning to the city where he'd grown up reassured him. As you can see, Chan had always been a good student, graduating with good marks and with good memories of his university years. However, Chan also hid a lot of his stress, he'd never really managed to calm it down, only to find ways of putting it out of his mind. During his studies, he relieved his stress by taking part in sports, in fact, he had signed up for a swimming team at university, which enabled him to work off his stress and forget about the things stressful in his mind. This was one of the reasons why he decided to return to Sydney to be with his family, believing that living there would calm him down. Together with his sister, he had opened his own production agency, which had been going very well for a few months now and he was happy with his job as a producer. Even so, he hadn't really planned for the stress to stay after his studies, and opening the company had taken up all his time so he could say goodbye to sport. Chan tried various means to relieve his stress, but nothing helped: he just couldn't control it, and all the tension he felt one day ended up in what he ate. Indeed, he began to eat when he was stressed, which made him feel a little better, because during those moments he just thought about the food he was enjoying and not about his everyday problems. The times when he could eat and feel relaxed began to happen more and more often, and these were moments of happiness for him, which he began to call his happy meals. And whenever he felt his stress rising, he would nibble, making him feel better. What's more, Australia offered him a wide choice of food, from burgers and pizzas to pastas and cakes, Chan had fallen in love with eating and had no intention of stopping. Especially since he felt less guilty about putting on weight here and even felt better about his life. Of course, being full every day was a real stress reliever, and all he could think about was the next meal.

So it was that Chan spent his days in Australia, and three years after graduating the slim, athletic, muscular man had totally disappeared and been replaced by a much fatter version of himself. Chan now weighed at least 283 lbs. His belly jiggled every time he walked, his wide thighs only rubbed against each other, his arms could no longer reach his dick without many efforts, and his whole face was coated in fat. Despite the problems this could cause him on a daily basis, Chan was happy all the same. He still had trouble feeling confident about his body in front of people's stares, but he was less stressful in the end. Everything was going well in his job, and he'd even started working from his new apartment so he wouldn't have to move around so much, being fat made him lazy.

This morning, Chan's day began like every morning. He took at least 10 minutes to get out of his bed and sit down before getting up from it, which left him breathless everytime, and then he would wash himself using a shower chair so as not to have to stand for too long. Usually he had breakfast while working but this morning he decided to go to a coffee shop to test new pastries. So he went to the coffee closest to his home held by Changbin who had become his friend as he had been there many times. So he ordered a coffee with milk with sugar and caramel as well as whipped cream, and he added a dozen pastries to his order before going to sit at his table and start working on his computer. After a few minutes someone advanced towards him.

"Chan ? Christopher Bang ? " Then said someone in front of him and he raised his head facing a man his age smiling with freckles on his face. "I don't know if you remember me we were at the same university, Lee Felix !" He said, holding out his hand to him.

"But of course Felix ! We were in the same swimming group!" Chan replied, shaking his hand.

"Yes, exactly! What are you becoming then? May I sit, I would be delighted to hear from you. ”

« Well…yes of course » say Chan and Felix sat in front of him.

Felix couldn't believe his eyes, what had become of the most athletic guy in the university ? He seemed so big that he did not know if the chair would not break under his weight and every part of his body had become big, even his hands and the man who often had the opportunity to wear crop tops to show his abs had breasts. Almost as big as a woman's chest, and when what he had ordered arrived at the table Felix swallowed. No wonder he’s so big. He said to himself, looking at the number of things Chan had ordered, he noticed that he was a little embarrassed when all that food arrived at the table.

"So what do you do for a living Felix?" asked Chan as he began to eat his breakfast.

"Oh well I work in a food agency, I'm on vacation at the moment but otherwise I'm working in Korea! How about you?"

"That must be great, I hope you're blooming, well with my sister we run our own music agency, she's released an album by the way I take care of the rest." he said smiling.

"Yes that’s true, you've always been talented, that's true.....and uh...you...you still swim?" asked Felix, biting his lips.

"No......I...don't really have the time anymore..."

He was a little bit confused at the question but finally Chan was very happy to see Felix again, and felt kinda safe around him. He was kind and didn't seem to judge him for having changed so much. They decided to meet every morning at the coffee shop while Felix was on vacation. Chan didn't mind, quite the opposite, he was quite happy to get out and see someone, as he usually stayed at home. They always met at Changbin's coffee, and Chan noticed that the more the days went by, the more Felix ordered food that he didn't eat and offered Chan to finish (which he didn't refuse). It had become like a routine between the two men, they'd talk, then eat, and Felix would turn around at the counter several times to place orders for Chan, making him so bloated at the end of the meetings. Chan waddled out of the coffee each time, taking breaks to walk to catch his breath because of the number of pastries he had swallowed. Felix was falling more and more under Chan's spell, even though at university he'd already found him handsome, but now he was simply in love with the man who'd gained over 130 lbs in 3 years and seemed to be getting fatter by the day, especially at Felix's side. Not just because of Felix by the way, but because Chan was gorging himself all day, he couldn’t even feel stress anymore because he was too busy thinking about food or about his hunger. He was definitely more happy that way, and Felix made him eat everyday more as he could just so he could be bloated all day. His belly was even more huge the day passing and his ass was so fat, remember when Felix was scared for the chair ? Now Chan was using either the bench either two chairs to maintain his big ass who was one of the biggest part of his body. So on the last evening before Felix returned to Korea, he stopped by Chan's house as Chan had invited him to do a diner for saying good bye and he was determined that something should happen. They eat together on the food Felix had brought, and due to the enormous amount of food Chan had eaten that night (and during the day of course) he could barely stand up from his sofa feeling too full to move. Felix put his hand on his stomach and looked at him.

« You are so beautiful Channie…can I kiss you ? » Felix say shyly.

Chan nodded and Felix start kissing him slowly and gently, Chan lips have still the tasted of food but they were soft. Felix ran his hand over Chan's cheeks and tenderly caressed them, which were so soft and fluffy. Chan's belly, which was swollen from the food Felix had made him eat, still ached, but the kiss relaxed him more than he'd expected, especially with Felix's hand rubbing it tenderly.

« So fat… » Finally say Felix looking at Chan.

« Wh…what ? »

"How could you change so much? Do you spend your days eating?" Chan felt himself getting harder under Felix's words and blushed, shaking his head.

« But…it’s too good… »

« Of course it is, a big boy like you need to eating well. So squishy… » say Felix grabbing Chan belly in his hand. « And I’m sure you will be even bigger when I come back… »

« I just can’t stop eating… »

« How much do you weight Channie ? »

« At least 290… » Felix smile at him.

« Do you think you can reach the 300 during my absence ? » Chan nod his head and Felix kiss him once again.

« Such a good pig… » Chan moans under his word while Felix was actually touching his dick.

« Since how long haven’t you being able to touch yourself ? »

« Too much time…please…makes me cum… »

« Since you’ve been so good yes…my big boy. »

Chan moaned thanks to Felix's caresses and could finally feel pleasure, he let himself go under Felix's touch and finally reached the orgasm in no time since it was so long ago since the last time he could feel a hand on his dick. He was also surprised to feel so breathless even though he hadn't moved and he had to stop a minute to catch his breath and wipe his sweat. It was all too hot and he hadn't expected someone like Felix to enjoy his body, but on his side, with all the time they'd spent together since the start of his vacation, he'd realized that Felix liked him too and of course he was very attracted by Felix. And he had every intention of continuing to be a good boy for him, and of continuing to put on weight for Felix. Especially by the day he wouldn’t be in Australia by his side.

——————————————————————————

[zmickmilk]

thoughts on the book Fiona found and read during Monica's funeral? Not that if it exists, or maybe. I find it interesting that's what she used to maybe get to know her better? Or to have something to say since she had nothing? What did the book mean to her?

Honestly, I haven't really thought about this in depth before. I kinda just skipped past it as something insignificant, so thanks for asking this :)

So, from what i found, the book she finds is Siddhartha, a story of a man going on a spiritual journey. I've never read it so idk if everything I'm saying here is right cause its just what I gathered from Google

In the book, Siddhartha feels like he has to leave his family and feels like his child hated him because he has riches. I think this is something Monica would deeply relate to. Siddhartha fasts, becomes homeless, renounces all personal possessions, and intensely meditates when he starts his journey. Inconsistent eating, giving away/losing belongings, racing thoughts, and zoning out are all things that can happen when someone is in a manic episode. What Siddhartha does and how Monica may feel during an episode are very similar, and given that she's manic she probably believes she is also on a journey of enlightenment like the protagonist. It makes sense to me that this novel would be something Monica held close. At the end of the story, Siddhartha reaches enlightenment. He reconnects with his son in the sense that he can let him go, so basically, it's a happy ending. Monica wants that. That story is hope for her. In the same way Siddhartha is helped during his spiral journey, Monica wishes to be helped on her mental health journey.

'for every true statement there is an opposite one that is also true' I can see Monica connecting this to herself. The conflict of truth is similar to her own conflict of emotions. Or maybe even her 'true self' like she's a bad mother (true) but she also wants to connect and care about her children (true) thoese 2 statements are right but what one is more her?

Literature is a fantastic way to express yourself. Monica expresses herself through her love for the novel, she even underlines parts of it. Fiona never got to understand her mother when she was alive and now is her chance. It's not Monica's words but it can be seen as things she didn't get to say. In s1 fiona refers to lip as their mums favourite, we see during the show that Monica's favourite is Ian or Debbie, Monica tries to take Liam away for another chance. Many times fiona is overlooked by her mother (this happens to Carl too) but this book is hers. Its a chance not to only understand Monica but to have something one on one with her.

I think fiona would also relate to the book herself. Fiona leaves her family - like Monica and Siddhartha- after she gets a lot of money -like Siddhartha- so that she can become her own better person. She's starting her own journey. Even tho fiona hadn't left yet when Monica died I would love if this book stayed with her. Maybe it helps her come to the decision that she's ready to leave. Like Monica fiona craves help and support we see this all the time, normally in the form her acting rude and demanding praise but that's not important rn. Reading the Siddharthas story might of prompted her to see her how and her mum arent always so different.

Fiona quotes the book at Monica's funeral and I really really tried to find what quote it was but I sadly couldn't get a concrete answer. I think the fact fiona memorised a quote (probably one of the ones Monica had underlined) shows just how much she wanted to understand. Fiona doesn't say many good things about monica, she's always angry at her, blaming her (for good reason obviously) but lots of the time I think fiona uses angry as a way to cover up her sadness towards monica. Yeah she says she's happy she's dead but she still took time to memories quotes her mum held close to herself.

The book might also be a replacement of motherly advice. The novel is filled with wisdom. Monica had read the book, she had internalised the philosophies and now Fiona gets to do the same. Monica never got to bond with fiona and help her becomes the person she's meant to be like she's meant to. Monica passing down the book is like passing down her wisdom. She couldn't shape fiona when she was alive but she can indirectly help when she's dead.

Okayy I don't really have anything else to say, I kinda wanna read the book now tho. The shameless writers really ate with this one might be one of my new favourite details.

[thisismysecondrodeo]

i know ted says he and michelle have been together since high school but can we please see "My family invited an old friend for the holidays and they're my first love"? if there was someone else before, mama Lasso would do this now that they are over, i feel

AN: Omg thank you for still being my friends after I sat on this for like 3 months lol I hope you still enjoy!

Rating: General

Tags: Mama Lasso, Second Chance Romance, high school sweethearts, Fluff, holiday fluff

Fic Masterlist

-

Ted was thrilled to get to spend Christmas with Henry and his mother, even though he was anxious about being in Kansas. There were ghosts galore he had been going to therapy to prepare to deal with. Not just his father, but the death of his marriage, and the fact that he was a divorced, lonely ex-pat haunted him across the ocean.

By the time Mama Lasso's Christmas Eve party finally rolled around, Ted had slipped into a routine that kept him mostly panic-free: a long walk in the morning, time with Henry in the afternoons, and dinner with his mother. But this party would be a real test, surrounded by his mother's friends who would all try to avoid asking about the divorce or politely try to tell him how much he looked like his father.

He was chatting with his mother and nursing a beer, keeping a close eye on the growing tightness in his hands, when he saw you, his high school sweetheart, come in through the front door. You wore a thick navy blue sweater with white snowflakes and dark jeans and boots and Ted couldn't take his eyes off you as you hung up your coat and looked around nervously.

-

You had got to chatting with Mama Lasso a couple of weeks ago, in the grocery store. You always had fond memories of hanging out at Teddy's, even before the two of you briefly became an item. Mama Lasso could see that you both clearly had a fondness for each other, and was happy to have you over for dinner and let the two of you watch movies in the darkened living room. Especially after Ted's dad died and it was the only time he seemed even close to normal.

Of course, it had been many years since then, you and Ted had gone to different colleges, drifted apart. But in the aisle of the Hy-Vee, you and Mama Lasso were catching up like old friends when she invited you to the Christmas Eve party. You had gone a few times in high school and you were touched that she'd invite you, even if she was just being polite. You were about to decline when she said something you weren't expecting.

"You know Teddy always seemed himself around you. I know it's been a long time but I think it would be really nice for you two to see each other again."

You didn't expect that Ted would be there for Christmas, had heard about the divorce and the move to London through the grapevine, and you couldn't deny the flutter that went through you at the idea of seeing your first boyfriend again. You had never married or had children, had struck out after college for a fancy career across the country but returned home to take care of your aging mother, who had just passed away the previous year. And now you felt stuck. It would be nice to see someone that might make you feel like you belong again. So despite the terror of going to a party where you'd only know the host and the host's son...you said yes.

Ted slipped through the small crowd to offer you a cup of eggnog.

"The last time we saw each other, neither one of us was doin' this legally, so I thought eggnog was a safe bet."

You couldn't help but beam at Ted. You thought it might be awkward, but his small smile instantly put you at ease. He had aged, obviously, you had too, but in some ways he'd only gotten more handsome, growing into features that hadn't quite fit him at 16. But you wanted to give him an out as well, in case he was just like his mother and only being nice.

"I never pass up eggnog, thank you Tedd...," there was an awkward moment where both of you realized you were going to call him Teddy out of habit and his cheeks flushed as his smile grew. "I, uh, hope its not weird that I came. Your mom invited me?"

"Well, that certainly sounds like somethin' my mama would do. Say, I know you just got here, but what would you say to takin' a walk, catchin' up?"

You nodded, quickly downing your eggnog, as Ted disposed of his beer bottle and slid your jacket back on. He returned with two thermoses and a Richmond beanie pulled low and you quietly slipped out the front door again.

You and Ted strolled easily, catching up on more than 20 years of events, touching lightly on the hard stuff, and making each other laugh with the rest. The thermos was full of spiked hot chocolate, and you alternated hands to keep them from getting too cold as snow began to fall lightly.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Ted rummaged in a pocket and produced a pair of knit gloves, "noticed you didn't come in with any."

"You always were observant, Teddy," you sighed affectionately, bumping your shoulder against his. "Never was able to find another like you."

Ted dropped his head shyly, the corner of his mouth tilting up at the compliment. "And you always did make me feel like something special."

You walked and walked, aimlessly, but enthusiastically. Without speaking about it, the two of you turned around to go back to the party, gone long enough that his mother had probably noticed by now. But you couldn't help but stop against the porch, watching the snow come down a little heavier. Ted stood next to you, leaning on his elbows, close enough that you could smell his cologne and see the snowflakes get caught in his long lashes.

"Whatcha thinkin' about," Ted asked quietly, the sound of Mariah Carey leaking from the doors and windows behind you.

"We had our first kiss here," you responded truthfully, gesturing with your head at the porch swing behind you and Ted chuckled, immediately going to sit.

"I didn't mean to imply anything," you said as you joined him. "I know you live in London. To be honest, I don't even know why I came, I shouldn't have—"

"I'm glad you did. We're no spring chickens anymore, but boy do you make me feel young again," Ted said, not looking at you but still gazing out over the yard. "I...hope we stay in touch. I know you're life is here, but—"

"It's not actually."

Ted turned to look at you, which brought your faces even closer together. "What do you mean?"

"I've just been feeling...stuck lately. My whole purpose for coming back home is gone now and there isn't really a reason for me to go back to where I was. And I don't want you to think that I'm looking at you like some out, we just met again. But my life isn't here. For what it's worth."

Ted smiled, his eyes glinting with the reflection of Christmas lights, "I think it's worth quite a bit...would it be alright...if I kissed you?"

You nodded, leaning in immediately to press your cold lips to Ted's heat growing between your bodies immediately. It was meant to be gentle and chaste, but you melted into each other easily, getting lost in sensations both incredibly familiar and entirely new.

"And here I was thinkin' y'all had gotten lost. Shoulda known you were up to somethin'."

You and Ted jumped apart like teens all over again at the sound of his mother's voice. "Sorry, mama," Ted said sheepishly, but he couldn't wipe the grin off his face.

"Mmhmm, come on in here before you catch your deaths, now," Mama Lasso teased, before closing the screen door.

"Yes ma'am," you called out after her, giggling into Ted's side.

[enchantingkryptoniteheart-blog]

-The Best of Intentions~

Chapter 11

Dis found her brother in the courtyard, sitting on the bench underneath the blossoming apple tree that their grandmother planted shortly after her and Thror had married. He was lost in his own thoughts, as he fidgeted with something small in his hands.

She approached silently, observing him. He looked pained, fighting some internal war with himself.

"It pains me to see you this way, especially after seeing how you two danced together. I haven't seen you smile or laugh this much since before Smaug, when our parents and Frerin were still alive." Her voice was gentle yet firm, breaking him from his trance.

He glanced up at her as she approached, but quickly looked away, unable to respond. It was just too painful to let it fully resurface.

She sat next to him, her shoulder touching his. "When I met Vili in that market, I knew he was my One. He knew as well, the moment he looked into my eyes, He was charming, over the moon he had found me. I wasn't so sure; I was afraid of such a momentous commitment. So, I ran. And I avoided him for months, until I couldn't bear to be apart from him any longer. It felt like my very soul was being ripped in two."

Thorin looked over at her in surprise. "I had no idea. I just thought you guys met and that was that."

Dis laughed softly, her smile was bittersweet as her eyes momentarily focused on that past time. "No. And now looking back I'm angry with myself for wasting that precious time. For fighting something that I should have just embraced. We are mortal Thorin, we don't have the luxury of forever. We must grab on tightly to our happiness and enjoy it until the very last."

Thorin shook his head, looking away from her and looking out into the night, feeling that long seeded guilt stab at him that always accompanied a memory of Vili. "I'm not as strong as you Dis." He spoke softly. If she hadn't been studying his face, she wouldn't have been able to hear him. "I saw what losing Vili did to you, the pain you went through. I also remember what it did to Adad, losing Amad the way he did. I couldn't survive that. I would beg for death."

Dis put her arm around her brother's shoulders. "I can see how it would look like that from the outside, but I can tell you that I wouldn't trade one second with him despite all that pain. I'd rather treasure the love and memories I have of him than to have never loved him at all. And I know that if Adad were here, he would tell you the same thing."

"Mistlynn*

She needed air. The feasting hall had grown hot and thick, and she had found herself becoming lightheaded. The emotional whiplash she had received throughout the evening hadn't helped either. She found herself on the top of an intricately carved stone staircase that led down into a beautiful courtyard. The moon was shining brightly in the sky, making the water spewing from the fountains sparkle. There was a cloud of light pink blossoms floating above a thick gnarled trunk. At its base she saw Thorin and Dis. She was hugging her brother, their heads dipped towards each other in a private conversation.

She flushed, angry with herself for imposing on such a private moment. She turned abruptly to leave, but in her haste the many layers of her dress twisted about her ankles. She was already unstable wearing the new heeled slippers, with an undignified yelp, she found herself falling and rolling down the steps, landing in a heap of silk and tulle.

She lay there, gasping as she stared up at the night sky, not quite believing the fact she just fell down the flight of stairs, in front of Thorin and Dis no less, "There is no possible way that just happened." She whispered to herself as the gravity of it started to sink in.

She turned slightly, hoping that they had not noticed but instead found that she had landed right next to the bench, both Thorin and Dis looking directly at her with a mix of concern and amusement on their faces. "This…is not…happening." She whined as she grabbed the top layer of her skirt and slowly pulled it up to cover her burning face.

Dis chuckled and patted her brother on his knee. "And on that note, I'll leave you to it." She stood up, brushing out her skirt and walking gracefully away. "I shall see you tomorrow for tea Mistlynn." She called over her shoulder as she made her way back to the feasting hall, the sounds of the gathering still echoing out into the night.

Her face remained hidden from Thorin as she continued to lay there unmoving. She heard him chuckle. "Are you alright? Do you need assistance in getting up?"

"No, I am right where I intended to be. Stargazing and all that implies."

"Through the skirt of your dress? I've never seen one stargaze in such a manner."

"You should try it sometime."

"I'm not one for dresses so I will take your word for it." Thorin slowly pulled the fabric from Mistlynn's tight clutches, chuckling to himself silently, "Mistlynn let me help you up, I promise the bench is much better for stargazing."

"No please, I already feel like dying, just leave me here. I will melt into the earth much easier this way."

Thorin laughed uproariously, his eyes twinkling with mirth with her unhindered honesty. It was just as refreshing as her very presence was.

"Laughing at me will not improve this situation or cause me to join you on the bench any sooner." Came her petulant retort, her voice wavering with ill-concealed embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I truly don't mean to laugh. Will you please join me? If you don't, I will be forced to join you on the ground."

Mistlynn let out a huff but didn't move, she didn't know how at this point. Tulle was so entwined around her feet she knew it would be impossible to unravel on her own.

"Alright then I guess I am joining you!" Thorin let out a grunt as he rose from the bench and then, much to her surprise, he laid on the ground with his head next to hers, clasping his hands over his stomach "I'm not sure the view is much better from the ground, but I do say it is cooler down here after the heat from the feasting hall."

"My feet are tangled and my arse hurts, I can't get up." She finally confessed after a brief silence; her voice contrite.

"I know." Was his simple responsible. She felt some of her wall's crumble as they lay there next to each other, listening to each other's breaths and their heartbeats harmonize as one.

"Would you like help?" The low timbre of his voice washed over her, drawing her in like a moth to an irresistible flame.

"Yes…if it is not too much trouble?" She whispered, trying to disguise the fact she was near tears.

"I am known to be quite agreeable…when one is not screaming at me, that is." His lips twisted up into a playful smirk. It felt good, to allow this side of him to reveal itself after lying dormant for so long.

Mistlynn let out a truly genuine laugh, her embarrassment slowly washing away and being replaced with the intense attraction that pushed her to gravitate towards him. She liked this side of him, and she was hungry for more. "A girl does not like being chased, she may like being pursued but chased is completely unwarranted."

"What do you call it when she leaps off a 12 story balcony slicing through a banner, running through the halls wreaking havoc and holding dwarves at knife point? Just a typical midweek day for you?"

"I apologized for that, I'll have you know! I had just been attacked by a band of Orcs, creatures I've not once encountered, and was in a strange place if you remember correctly. I feel a little grace should be given to that situation." She sniffed delicately, desperately wanting that tense day of their meeting to be a distant memory.

"Well, I guess I could be persuaded if I was given the proper motivation." His voice deepened as he baited her further, truly enjoying their easy flowing banter.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very good at being a female. Dresses and heels are death traps. My table manners are atrocious. And I never say the right thing! What makes you think I know how to properly motivate anyone?"

He turned his head to look at her, his gaze softening. He reached his hand over and touched hers gently before threading his fingers through hers. Her hand fit perfectly into his, and he felt another missing piece of his soul slide into place. She turned to face him, her eyes wide both in surprise and nervousness.

"I have the distinct feeling you can do whatever you put your mind to." He breathed, his words earnest.

Before she could come up with a response he rolled onto his side and pushed himself up. He placed her hand he held over his shoulder before scooping her up effortlessly. She gasped at the sensation, looking up at his face as he gently cradled her in his arms. A fuzzy memory of him holding her the same way the night he had rescued her, his enticing eyes boring into hers. She had felt it, even then, this gut-wrenching pull to him.

He sat her down tenderly on the bench, leaving his hand on the curve of her low back as he helped straighten out the voluminous skirt of her dress. She sighed in relief once her legs were free and kicked the infernal shoes off for good measure.

Her heart was once again racing at his proximity, his hand burning her skin as it rested on her. She looked up at him, to see that he hadn't taken his eyes off her. Azure again crashing with jade.

"You asked me earlier what was happening." His voice was thick with heady emotion, making her tremble against his touch. She nodded, unable to find her voice.

"I've been trying to fight this." He rumbled, holding her gaze captive. "But now I just find myself falling into you with all that I am. You are who I've been waiting for my entire life." His other hand came up to cup her jaw, making her eyes flutter as she leaned in closer to him.

"Are you saying that you think I am your One?" She breathed, still unable to look away from him, so lost in the endless sea that were his eyes.

"You are my One. I knew the moment I first looked into your eyes; I was just too stubborn to accept it. " There was no doubt in his strong voice. His thumb traced her cheekbone, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

"We were told that having a 'One' was a thing lost and buried with our ancestors." She swallowed thickly. A flash of panic crossed his eyes, fearing this was a rejection. That was not what she wanted; not what she was trying to convey. She brought her hand up and ran her fingers into his well-groomed beard. "All I know is that you are the only one to have ever set my soul on fire. I cannot fathom living a life without you in it. That's why I've stayed. I can't bring myself to leave you."

"M'eudail." He breathed, a small smile played across his lips as he nuzzled her nose with his while pulling her head closer, his hand moving to the back of her head, finally sinking his fingers into her silky curls. He kissed her gently at first, a sharp contrast to their first kiss before he slid his tongue along her bottom lip, as if seeking permission.

She obliged eagerly, one hand grasping his hair tightly while using the other to move onto his lap, anchoring herself firmly to his chest. "Damned dress." She growled into his mouth as she struggled to sit fully on his lap, the layered skirt was preventing her from getting the closeness she had been craving since their first kiss.

Thorin's chest rumbled with a chuckle as she tried to squirm closer to him. "I am quite partial to this dress." His voice was husky as he peppered kisses along her jaw and down her neck.

Her eyes rolled back as she hummed, enjoying the chills he sent through her body with just his lips. "It allows me to pay certain parts of your body special attention."

She never realized how sensitive her breasts could be until he started to lavish attention upon them. She gasped, a jolt of fire shooting to that deep place between her thighs, his hand grasping her breast through her dress. Her chest heaved as he licked and nipped back up her neck.

Her grip tightened in his hair, making him growl and lunge for her lips. His blood was boiling with lust. He knew he had to slow it down, they had a lot to talk about, no matter how badly he craved her. He brought his hands up to cup her face, and slowed down their kiss, softening it.

"Even though this pains me…" he whispered against her lips, "We should probably discuss some things before we get too ahead of ourselves."

Mistlynn breathed deeply through her nose in resignation as she rested her forehead against his. She was on her knees, since her dress wouldn't let her sit fully in his lap, making it to where he had to look up at her. Not that either was complaining. His hands slid down to her lower back, his thumb teasing the dimples at the base of her spine where the curve of her butt was evident.

"I suppose your right." She sighed, "Even though I do prefer kissing you over talking. I feel like we would agree more if we did nothing but kiss."

"So much progress made, then you say things like that." He cocked his eyebrow, his stern tone not reaching his laughing eyes. "What should we do about that?"

She started to massage her fingers across the back the of head and neck, making him groan and rest his head against her chest. "Minx." He grumbled while tightening his arms around her middle, pulling her closer against him. "You don't play fair."

"Never said I did." She giggled. He could only imagine the cat like grin that shaped her mouth.

"I'm going to have my hands full with you, I can already tell." He mumbled into her chest, before playfully nipping the top of her breast, making her squeak in mock indignation.

"Two can play at that game." He grinned at the sound of her laugh, his hands quickly grabbing her butt and squeezing, making her arch up into him in surprise before laughing and smacking him playfully on the shoulder. If he was fortunate enough to spend the rest of his days making her laugh, like he was now, he would never want for anything.

He reached one hand into his pocket, pulling out the small item he had been fidgeting with earlier when Dis had found him. He held it up, so that Mistlynn could see. Her eyes widened when she recognized what it was. He smiled, relieved that she knew the significance of this hair bead.

"This was my mother's." His voice was soft. "My father crafted it for her when they announced their betrothal. It is mithril and sapphire with the runes of my house, of the line of Durin."

Mistlynn swallowed thickly, tears gathering in her eyes.

"I am almost 200 years old, and I have done nothing but fight my way through life. And now that I have found you, I know that all that fighting was meant to lead me to you." He paused and wiped away a tear that escaped and slid down her cheek. "Will you do me the honor of letting me braid this in your hair? So that the world can see that it has always been you that was meant to be my Queen?"

She laughed breathlessly before leaning down and kissing him passionately. "Only if you wear one of mine." She whispered in-between kisses. She abruptly pulled back, biting her bottom lip nervously. "It isn't made of anything special." She stammered. "It's made of ivory and mother of pearl. They were made for my mother by my father when they were betrothed as well."

Thorin kissed her gently. "I would be honored to wear it, and I will treasure it above all other jewelry I own."

[promiseiwillwrite]

Whatever comes up

What did I learn this month? It was all so hectic and frenetic. It was all so full of presence and resistance. It was very life.

Some of it was incredibly good. Deciding not to mask and fucking coming through on that decision many times was excellent. But the fucking panic attacks, and social anxiety haven't gone away.

They may in fact always be there.

I think that is the lesson. That like the depression, the anxiety will always be there. Even when I can look directly at the intrusive thoughts and tell them "You are Mental Illness and you aren't Real."

The consequences are. And the trick is to accept and be resilient. To exist and learn to feel peace and safety even in the face of this persistent but unreal threat.

In my dream, I was at my Aunt Sally's estate sale.

I loved as a child to go through her jewelry boxes, because she was a thrifter, and she had many, many unique pieces. I didn't want the jewelry. I just felt immensely comforted and safe and happy when going through it, touching it. Looking at the colored glass and chains and stones. It connected me to that feeling of going through my grandmother's jewelry, and my mother's jewelry. I did this as long as I could remember. It was a rare feeling tone that connected me to myself.

In the dream, I found a secret compartment inside a jewelry box that I hadn't noticed, and inside were some special gems that Aunt Sally had saved. Memories of a happy family. My Cousins Matt and Sarah couldn't even look at them, pretty and valuable as they were, because it had all been a lie. My Uncle had been cheating on my Aunt for years, and my cousins had been abandoned by him.

I suppose there is a challenge we have in life... A challenge to find the beauty and safety and good things, and to not allow the bad things that happen to invalidate our ability to enjoy the good times, the good memories. I think it is the only chance we have for feeling okay.

I think that is the lesson. To know that the touchstones of our past, no matter what the context, can be used in any way we choose. They are Our memories, after all, no matter what happens.

Of course we cannot ignore when others have done us wrong when we make decisions about who to trust and associate with. But we CAN choose to focus on good things, valuable things, rather than the bad when we choose to be with others.

[saga-project]

💜

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

Well. Saga was back in the lair, and he remembered his brothers, and they'd gotten the empyrean out of his system. And things were....good! Fine. Better than fine, even. He was....settling in. He thought, at least. They hadn't hauled him out on his ass yet, so clearly he was doing something correctly, something that didn't make them hate him or see him as a burden the way everyone else seemed to at some point.

No, no. He couldn't think like that. That was....what was it. Skewed thinking? Seeing the negative in everything? Whatever term Mikey had used for it, really. Everything would be fine. He....he didn't have to fear being punished for things around here. He knew that. So why....why did he somehow feel like he was going to be. Like at any moment, they were going to say that he was doing something wrong, or--

Raph wouldn't. He knew that for a fact. Raph would never hurt him. Saga remembered how distraught he'd been when they'd been children, when they'd been sparring and a spikey bit of his shell had poked Saga in the shell the right way, and the fact of the matter was that the snapper would rather have plucked his own eye out before he willingly hurt a single member of his family. Saga knew that to be true. It was just that sometimes.....

Sometimes Raph looked at him like he was....fragile. Like he was something worth pitying, or.....it felt that way, at least. And Saga knew he was unlearning many bad behaviors that he hadn't realized were bad, knew that Raph would be patient with him above all else and likely didn't see him that way, but it still made some small part of him bristle defensively. He wasn't weak. He wasn't a failure. Was he? It was just that things were hard sometimes, and he was trying, and--

It had come to a head that one evening, at dinner. Mikey had made him a generous portion of....some food that he couldn't remember the name of, and Saga still wasn't used to having portion sizes that big, or even thinking that he deserved to eat freely, and it looked so good but his brain was trying to convince him that it would be repulsive if he dared to eat it, and all he could do was sit there and stare and try to will his stupid brain into actually letting him shovel food into his face hole, because he was going to let Mikey down if he didn't and--

He finally managed to at least choke down a bite or two, pushing it away from himself, but when he looked up everyone was looking at him in that same sad way, especially Raph, and he couldn't stand it anymore, he left the table and muttered some excuse and shut the door to his rather spartan lab space behind him and tried to involve himself in work so he wouldn't concentrate on how he was failing all of them--

Settling in well, his ass, what did Three know, he still felt like such an outsider and now he couldn't even eat anything without feeling panicked and--

There was a form in the room when he swiveled around again, and he gritted his teeth, trying his damn hardest to not let out an irritated hiss. "Leo, if I've said it once I've said it a million times, do NOT barge into my--oh. Raph. Kind of in in the middle of something, what is it."

"I....just noticed you didn't eat much at dinner." Despite his huge bulk, Raph seemed to huddle in on himself then, fidgeting nervously.

Ah. So that was it. Saga glanced away, then, his voice suddenly tight. "I'm. Not hungry."

"We can save it for later, then?"

"That won't be necessary, Raph. Really. I'm fine. I had a snack earlier in the day." And he had. He'd tried to convince himself that maybe food was fine by having a granola bar, earlier in the day. Sure, he'd squirreled it away out of Leo's personal stash and hadn't told anyone and had hidden it for fear that it was going to be taken away from him, but....a snack was a snack, right?

"Yeah, but you can't last entirely off of snacks, Don." Don't get angry. Don't get angry, he reminded himself as he stood there. Raph was just looking out for him. Raph was just showing care, in his usual way that never really managed to stray into being patronizing or coddling. So why did he feel his hackles raising anyway, the longer he stood there and listened to his big brother's words, the longer he--

Ooooooh, you're going to be PUNISHED, he's going to take you away and lock you in a room or BEAT you or--

No. No, shut up, Raph would never--

"It's alright. I'm alright. It was too big of a portion anyway."

"Well, how much of a portion are ya used to havin'? 'Cause I can tell Mikey to make it a little smaller. Or you should tell him, actually, he thinks he didn't make the food good enough for you and he feels bad-"

Great. As if this day couldn't get any better, now he'd made Mikey disappointed in him. He was letting them all down, he was being a disappointment, he--

"Can we just drop it, please?" He hadn't meant for his words to come out so sharp, or to make Raph minutely flinch at them, but Saga kept forging on anyway, the shame rising up in him like a tidal wave. "I'm fine. I'll eat something later, if I'm hungry."

To his credit, Raph didn't try to push it--only muttered a quiet agreement, turning to leave almost as quick as he'd come. Which somehow made Saga feel worse, as he sat there and tried to swivel back towards whatever he'd been working on. He almost would have preferred if Raph had screamed at him in that moment, or done something other than just numbly going along with--

No. It was fine. Everything was fine. Surely he could....find a solution to this. Start with smaller portions, or keep sneaking snacks throughout the day, or just force himself to eat, or something. Then they wouldn't look at him like he was broken anymore. He'd be doing something right. He--

....it would all be fine.

***

Until it wasn't. Until low blood sugar from too many missed meals had him turning to do something or lurching upright far too suddenly, and his vision tunneled distressingly and then went black and then there was nothing--

Wait. Now there was something. Ow. Wait, what the fuck. Why were the lights in his room suddenly so bright and why was Maias hovering around and looking so worried and why--

Oh god oh god there was a NEEDLE in his arm there was sharp sharp sharp bad BAD no no NO get it out get it out GET IT OUT--

Hands went over his, then, gentle but firm, and he hissed, almost snapping out before he realized. "Hey, hey, Don. I know you hate needles, but you gotta leave that in, okay?"

"Raph?" His voice coming out shaky, Saga barely paid any attention to Maias huddling into his arms comfortingly, glancing around the medbay. "What the....why am I. Why is there a NEEDLE in my....get it out, please get it out-"

"I know it sucks, but we can't, Don. Not unless you start tellin' the truth." Raph sat next to him, then, leveling him with a stare that made him feel uncomfortably like a bug under a microscope. "You haven't been eating, have you. Or at least not eating enough."

Oh god. Oh god, oh god, he'd worried them, they all knew, he...he had to play this off, somehow. Quick. Do what Leo does. Disarming smile, quick. "Uh. No, Raphela, I've definitely been eating and meeting all my nutritional parameters. He said, without a hint of falsehood."

"Don."

The sharp tone made him huddle into himself, hissing under his breath as he glared defiantly. "So...so what if I haven't been? What, are you going to punish me? You....you think I can't take it, somehow?"

His eyes would hopefully tell Raph what he couldn't, though, in that moment. Please. Please don't punish me. Please don't yell at me or throw me out or treat me like I'm some broken useless thing, I'm trying, I swear to god I'm trying so hard to be perfect for all of you, please.

Thankfully, Raph seemed to realize that, both his tone and gaze softening. "No. No one's gonna punish you. But it's not 'so what', either. You passed out, Don. We're worried about you. We need you to start tellin' the truth. Why haven't you been eating?"

Saga shrank into himself, the gentle tone somehow making him feel even worse as he twiddled his fingers together. "It's....it's not because Mikey's food is terrible or something, before you say anything. It's....actually kind of the best food I've ever had."

"Is it sensory stuff?"

"No! No, I went over a list of all my potential sensitivities with Mikey, he knows better than that. No, it's...." He rubbed at Maias's shell briefly, hissing under his breath out of exasperation. "It's stupid."

"Tell me anyway."

And the tone was so soft, so non-judgmental, that Saga found himself opening his mouth even in spite of himself. "I'm....I don't....I don't feel like I....like I deserve to eat so much, which is stupid, I know I can eat here, I know it's safe and it won't be taken away from me or something, but....but I had to be in good physical condition to fight and carry out their commands, food was.....few and far between, I never got a meal that nice, and it was wasteful to eat that much and my brain keeps telling me it still is, so I just eat a bit and have snacks between because I'm convinced it's going to be taken away from me, which you guys would never do and I know that, I do, so why--"

Breathe. Breathe, you idiot.

"--and I don't know why, but my brain keeps convincing me that if I put it in my mouth it's going to taste horrible, and I know that's not true because I've tasted Mikey's food before and I just...I know I should be eating more than, like, two bites of it, I know, but I just can't, I'm trying to, but I just can't eat that big of....that's what the snacks were for, to try and force myself to eat, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying to be better and my STUPID brain won't-"

"Don. Don, hey, breathe for a sec, bud, okay? It's okay. Watch what I'm doin', okay? Try this. Make your hands into little fists, like this, see? Now squeeze and release...."

Right. One of the techniques that Raph had learned a long time ago, to try and control the anger issues he'd had as a young child. Maybe it would work with....oh. Hey. It actually did. That, combined with Maias's musical chirping as she sat in his arms, was actually helping him to regulate his breathing and keep his surging emotions to a low ebb instead. Saga inhaled, shakily, turning his gaze up to the ceiling and screwing his good eye shut. Breathe. Inhale, exhale. "I....I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"No, Don, I'm sorry. We shoulda noticed that you weren't....none'a that's your fault, okay? 'M not a scientist, but I know brains are....weird sometimes. And I know you went through a lot. So you'll probably need reminded, but we're not gonna take your food away or punish you or think you're lettin' us down if you can't eat it. Okay? We'd just like you to say something about it, so we know. That's all."

"But I....I'm trying so....I'm disappointing Mikey, he probably thinks his food sucks and it doesn't, I'm sorry, I can't eat that big of....I want to, but my brain keeps saying it'll make me sick, so that's why I keep eating snacks but I didn't think it would....I--"

"So we can get Mikey to make you smaller portions and work you up to bigger ones. Okay? Whatever you need. You're allowed to have issues with food, but you're also allowed to eat whatever you want when you want it. Mikey'll understand."

".....It'll stop being this way eventually. I just. It's."

"I get it. Not a hundred percent, but I get it. Just....just maybe eat enough that this doesn't happen again, okay? We'll make you peanut butter toast. That's what Leo eats when he gets a stomach bug. Nice simple food."

"....that does sound nice. I....I'm. I won't scare you like this again. I promise. I was being dumb."

"You're okay. You're allowed to have good and bad days, okay?" Raph pulled him into a hug before he could stop him, chuckling at Saga's mock-offended squawk. "Just let us know about them sometimes, bud."

"I can do that. Thanks, Raphi---I mean. Raph."

"Awww. You called me Raphie again--"

"I did not! It's the IV fluids making me loopy!"

"Don, IV fluids don't make you loopy. Even I know that."

"Well, maybe I'm having a rare allergic reaction to them or someth--NO NOT THE NOOGIES ALRIGHT RAPH STOP MERCY--"

And as Raph put him into an affectionate, brotherly headlock to keep him from wriggling away, and as he sputtered in mock offense, Saga found that he suddenly didn't care so much about being a disappointment. About whether or not he was measuring up.

....Raph always knew just what to say, didn't he.

[iiryebreadii]

OKAY. OKAY. finished totk. more thoughts. Everything is under a cut because 1) spoilers for the end of the game and 2) it got LONG many thoughts head full

I got all the shrines before going to fight ganondorf, and I'm sad to say they did the botw thing and made it so you can only fully upgrade either stamina OR hearts, not both. Finding the shrines was actually made much easier with the lightroots in the depths! I went around and filled out the full map underground and that let me know which shrines I had missed on the surface, and then for the sky islands I used the hero's path to see which ones I hadn't visited yet and then sifted through those until I found them all

Speaking of, THE REWARD FOR GETTING ALL THE SHRINES?? HELLO?? I can't wait to see what people say about that bit of lore cause idk WHAT is going on there. furry link real

going into the depths of the castle to find ganondorf was so nerve wracking lmao, the music did an excellent job of putting me on edge. and the little note about how the sages' powers can't reach you?? excellent, very ominous

Going back to the very beginning of the game, the corridor where you walk with zelda, but this time without her and with it covered in gloom... ough. My experience with the beginning of the game there was basically me just happy screaming about getting to walk around and talk to zelda, and that juxtaposed with the ending, where I'm getting ready to fight the demon king with ramping anxiety, OUGH very cool

my BROS came to HELP i love them. also I keep forgetting that mineru is a sage even though I use her for piggyback rides all the time

REHYDRATED GANONDORF REAL. like I know we saw him in the trailers and memories and stuff but I wasn't sure if we'd get to fight him at full strength you know? I thought they might pull a fast one on us and make the final fight against pee-paw ganon, which would have been kinda lame tbh

Ganondorf does perfect dodges too!! He gets the slow-mo!! thankfully he cannot flurry rush lol. I spent the entire first phase against him with both of use just circling each other and trading occasional blows, felt very cool

the transformation into the demon king was super cool but my favorite part might have been how the health bar just. kept going. nearly off the screen. that was equal parts awesome and hilarious

I saved a bunch of super strong weapons to fight him and what do I end up doing?? Only using the master sword. my WIFE made that sword for me I am damn well gonna use it to kill him. it just never occurred to me to try to use anything else lol. Except arrows with gibdo bones fused on, cause those things do CRAZY damage

MY MAN ATE HIS STONE. OKAY. OKAY. also I LOVE how much he looked like the calamity during his transformation, with the glow-y yellow eyes and misty body. I wonder if he has any memory of being calamity ganon? Maybe the calamity was just excess rage and malice instead of something with more intent. It was obviously intelligent, but how intelligent?

DRAGON FIGHT DRAGON FIGHT DRAGON FIGHT

MY WIFE CAME TO SAVE ME!! I LOVE HER!!! That whole part of the fight was super cinematic and fun, I got legitimately emotional when she dove in to the rescue. All that time I spent sitting on her head and flying around hyrule, who knew I was actually training for the final fight

ZELDAAAA I'm so glad I could undragon you girl I missed youuuu I missed you <3 rauru and sonia are vibing in the afterlife now, which now makes the fact that rauru passed on asap after helping link make sense, he was probably missing his wife :(

pretty wack that they gave link his normal arm back :/ I guess you could argue it got ungoopified by the shrines + the thing with Sonia and Rauru purifying dragon-zelda but it feels weird to me

I guess a counter point to that, without it we wouldn't get to parallel to the beginning with the reaching out to catch zelda. speaking of. REACHING OUT TO CATCH HER. AUGH IM NOT OK. IM NOT OK!!! literally so emotional. I thought reaching her was gonna be a cutscene but nope!! You have to dive to get to her!! makes me wonder what happens if you don't catch her.......but I would never dare experiment. that's my girl.

i am. so glad. she doesn't remember being a dragon for a billion years. hoooo that would be traumatic. I mean ya girl has trauma in spades but at least she doesn't have to deal with the memory of that part. and she was so happy that she got to see hyrule's founding!! She had her own whole adventure :) and at least a good portion of it was pleasant and filled with new friends!! good for her, good for her

post credits scene was pretty neat!! Felt nice to give mineru a little send off, not for me but for zelda. according to the stone monument things, they were pretty close and they hung out in mineru's lab a lot, so it's nice she got to have a proper goodbye to at least one of her friends from the past. And then everyone pledging to work with her to protect hyrule at the end :')

All in all I have had a STUPENDOUS time with this game, it was a fantastic sequel to a fantastic game. I'm probably gonna still play and find the rest of the sage's wills and play with the building mechanic some more, but I'll leave that for a bit later once I've had a chance to really absorb the ending!! I've got an idea for a totk PMV that I'm working on, so that might make an appearance on this blog once it's done 👀 I'm sure I'll have more thoughts later, but I think this will be my last post in this sort of style with the bullet points and such

also goodness gracious nintendo do NOT make another direct sequel these kids have gone through SO much. let zelda and link go take a nap they've earned it

[ackermanslov4r]

Hello first time ask here! Can I request a headcanon/imagine if Levi receive a big jar full of small rolled up notes of what his S/O like or love about him for his birthday gift? I know it's kinda cliche gift but my babes deserve all the loveee 🥺🥺 Thank you!

this is ADORABLE !!

When Levi woke up , it took him a few seconds to understand why your face looked excited as if Santa had just popped up in the middle of your bed. Closing his eyes again and falling back on his pillow,sighing, he vaguely remembered the date, taking in the fact that he was now one year older. He'd never really paid attention to his birthday before though, so him becoming older didn't really affect him as much as it should have since he would have probably forgotten about his birthday if you hadn't been here.

"Happy birthday , Levi." you said ,pressing a small kiss on his lips,making him open his eyes again to look at you. His gaze softened,adopting this look he only had when looking at you ,this look that still gave you butterflies even after all this time.

"I'm one year closer to death now, we shouldn't really celebrate it." he muttered as he rolled over,grabbing you by the waist at the same time to hug you close to him. His head in the crook of your neck, his nostrils filled with your scent,Levi thought that if he could chose when to die , he would chose this moment ; to die in your arms,to die with his mind filled with thoughts of you and only. Then,pressing a small kiss on your neck,he thought that thinking about death on his birthday wasn't really appropriate.

"I'm going to change the rules and make sure your birthday is everyday,not just one during the year, if you're so affectionate during it." you chuckled, as he kept kissing your neck. He never really iniated gestures of affection ; but being able to wake up next to you and enjoy the moment,and not quickly wake up to go to work,made him want to make the most of every seconds of this morning.

"I have a gift for you. It's not much,I couldn't buy anything...but I hope you'll still like it."

Levi's lips left your skin at these words,his whole being suddenly so flustered he hoped it wasn't visible on the outside. He looked at you as you leaned forward and picked up something on the floor, his hands fidgeting with the sheets. You gave him a middle-sized package and,making sure to not look at you as he knew it would only increase the blush on his cheeks,he began to unwrap the paper that covered the gift. Gone was the man who'd so confidently kissed you only a few seconds ago,now he was replaced by a more vulnerable,sensible man,that he only let you,and only you,see.

The gift was a jar full of small papers of every colours. Brows a bit furrowed,he opened it and grabbed one and,as his eyes read the words written on it,he suddenly went a shade of red so dark you wondered if he wasn't suffocating . Levi,him, felt as if he might as well end up really dying today ; he didn't think his heart could really handle beating this fast ,didn't know if he could actually support feeling all this love for you,feeling as if all his bones were made of the love he felt at this moment,almost physically hurting because of it.

The jar,as he kept reading the notes,was full of all the things that you loved about him,full of your favourite memories together,full of him,full of you,full of each other.He felt like there was a thousand of papers inside of it, and thinking that you thought of him as much as he did about you only made him more flustered. He read some papers,still silent,making sure to not read everything all at once. He didn't know how to voice his reaction ; seeing himself from the way you saw him,reading about his worst insecurities as amazing qualities in your eyes made him feel so many different things that he was left speechless.

"It's not much , I know. ' you said after a while,feeling a sudden wave of insecurity at his silence. "But-..."

Levi cut you off with a kiss,leaning toward you so suddenly he almost tripped the jar over. It was as if he told you his thoughts about your gift with this kiss, using his body to tell you all the things he couldn't voice.

"It's...the best gift I've ever gotten, y/n. Thank you." He opened his mouth,closed it,wanting to say something but unable to actually say it,hating himself for it. You smiled at him,a smile so soft he wished he could grave it under his eyelids and watch it on replay for ever.

"I know ,Levi.You don't have to say it,I know it. I love you too."

And then he smiled with this smile so rare you'd wrote countless of notes about it,filling half of the jar with it,hoping it would make it appear more often. Levi kissed you again,and you could feel him smile as he was doing it.

"Thank you. This is already the best birthday I've ever had."

[marvel-vision]

Shovel Talk

Summary - You shouldn't have taken Natashas shovel talk with you so lightly.

Warnings - Someone being sick, Angst I guess, Big fight.

Words - 2k

Part 2

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Yelena being introduced to you by Natasha was probably the best thing to ever happen to you, besides meeting Natasha herself. She saw the way that you and Yelena instantly clicked and often joked that her sister had to find her own best friend because you were already hers. You would laugh along with the others, always catching Yelena's eyes and falling deep into them. No need to worry about that Nat, you'd quietly muse to yourself, You can keep the title of best friend, I'm hoping she'll be more. 

Hanging out with Yelena the following months after meeting her solidified the thoughts that you wanted her in your life. She was funny, she was sarcastic, she was cute, she was dangerous. She was everything you could ever want in a partner and more. You told her this one evening when she came over to watch a random movie that neither of you were really paying attention to, too caught up in soft embraces and comfortable staring matches. 

She chuckled and admitted that she thought she would have to make the first move because people were usually too intimidated, her being a trained assassin and all. 

After going on many successful dates you'd finally made it official. All that was left was to tell Natasha. You weren't worried, she was your best friend, had been for years, and you knew she would be over the moon to find out that her sister was getting the happiness that she deserved. 

Everything went smoothly when you and your girlfriend sat down to tell her sister. She took it well, as you expected, and congratulated you both. Her smile, however, dropped when Yelena excused herself for a moment. The cold stare she levelled you with would have left anyone else scrambling and stuttering but you knew Natasha, she wouldn't hurt the people closest to her. 

"I'm trusting you, Y/N, to not hurt her. All she's ever known her entire life is pain and if that's what you plan to give her in the future I suggest you walk away now. Because if you ever break her heart." She paused for a moment making sure her next words would sink in, "I'll break you." 

You never thought anything of it, siblings gave the shovel talk all the time and you would rather throw yourself off a cliff then do anything to bring Yelena pain. A year later and that talk was barely even a memory. Your relationship with Yelena was as strong as ever and you didn't see it ever ending. 

Until it did. 

Yelena had always struggled believing she deserved good things. And you were the best thing. It wasn't fair for the world to shove this beautiful thing in her face and then taunt her with constant reminders of their differences. You were pure and sweet and could do no wrong in her eyes. And she was a murderer, a cold-hearted killer, a person who was nowhere near good enough for you. So she ended it. 

You tried to talk to her about it, tried to get her to stay. Her own self doubt had clouded her mind and despite your best efforts you couldn't convince her she was all you would ever need. It broke your heart but you let her go. If she needed space and time to come to terms with the fact that she really was good enough, you'd give it to her. 

Natasha had walked into her sister's room after barely hearing from her all week. She was about to demand valid reasons for the disappearing act but stopped short at the sight of her sister sobbing on the bed. She half expected to see you somewhere in the room comforting Yelena, but you weren't. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen you much either. 

"What happened? What's wrong?" She carefully perched next to her sister who immediately curled into her side. She seemed so uncharacteristically small compared to the confident woman she had come to know. 

"I- Y/N- We-'' She could only string together a few words, barely getting a thought out. But she didn't need to. Natasha could see it all unfolding in front of her already. You cruelly crushing her sister's heart. Her face hardened as she cradled her sister against her. She was going to make you pay, she did warn you after all. 

When Yelena had exhausted herself enough to fall asleep, she crawled out of her tight embrace and left the room, inching the door closed and then storming off to find you. 

You were in the middle of the training room stretching before you got back to working through your feelings with a punching bag. The door slammed open and you turned to see Natasha, face unreadable, walking towards you. The small half smile you gave her made her jaw clench and eye twitch. 

She grabbed your arm, a bit too tightly, and dragged you into the ring you usually sparred in. She had barely let you go when she started her barrage of attacks on you. A few of her hits landed but you had dodged and blocked any that would really do any damage. That didn't mean the ones that did land didn't hurt. 

Something was wrong, very wrong. You tried to get her to stop, telling her she was being too rough for a friendly training session but your words went right over her head. She just kept attacking and you had no choice but to try to defend yourself. You didn't throw any hits her way, not that you would have had time to with her constant blows against you. 

After what felt like hours of pure torture she finally pinned you to the ground, face down. In your growing exhaustion she had landed a good few punches to your sides and face and had managed to sweep your legs from under you. You thought that would be the end of it until you felt her dig her knee into your lower back. In a panic you looked out to the agents who had gathered around to watch the intense 'training session' and pleaded silently for them to do something, anything to help. 

They all watched on as the black widow grabbed your arm and twisted as hard as she could. The sickening crack of your arm breaking pushed a few of the agents to leave the room, hopefully going to get someone who would step in and stop whatever was happening. The sound of your pained scream did nothing to stop the woman above you, who just chuckled at her actions as if this was all a funny joke between friends. 

She flipped you over, letting you land on your broken arm that had managed to get caught underneath you. You clenched your eyes shut against the searing pain making its way through your arm and across your whole body. With your eyes closed you failed to notice your bestfriends arm pull back and fly at your face full force, only registering what happened when your head whipped to the side. 

It happened again and again and again. You couldn't open your eyes and even if you did you wouldn't be able to see with all of the blood covering your face. You couldn't even feel the pain anymore. You managed to peel your eyes open just long enough to make out the blurry shape of Natashas arm ready to make another strike against your already battered face, and someone reaching for her elbow to hold her back. They unfortunately didn't reach her in time as your head flew to the side one final time before everything went black. 

Natasha watched your limp body get pulled away and rushed to the infirmary with a satisfied smirk on her lips. She ignored her team's questions about what the hell she had just done and walked off to her sister's room, head held high. 

Yelena was awake again by the time Natasha had got back from dealing with you. She had her head tucked into her hands leaning against the headboard of her bed. When Natasha entered she didn't even look at her, too busy muttering to herself. 

"I made a mistake. I made a big mistake. I shouldn't have left her. She was the best thing for me." Finally acknowledging her sister's presence, she spoke to her, "Do you think she would take me back Nat? She would, she's Y/N, she loves me, she said so herself even after I left her." 

Natashas heart dropped down to her stomach. Her eyes immediately falling to her blood covered knuckles, most of it yours. She thought she was going to be sick. Scratch that, she was going to be sick. She rushed past her sister to the bin in the corner of the room. 

Yelena flinched at the noise of her sister heaving up the contents of her stomach before coming to rest at her side. "Jesus Nat. Are you okay?" Her eyes widened when she saw her sisters split and bloody knuckles clutching the side of the bin. 

Her sister fell back against the wall, sick dribbling down her chin and sweat clinging to her forehead. She managed to speak just above a whisper through her raw throat, "I'm sorry. I thought- I thought she hurt you. I'm so sorry." She forced through a broken sob. 

Yelena's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Looking between her sisters distraught features and her bloody hand. Clarity slowly dawned on her, the pieces of the puzzle slowly clicking together. Yelena's spine straightened as she forced out her next question. 

"What did you do?" 

You could barely open your eyes when you woke up. Not that you wanted to. The amount of pain you were in made you want to just go back to sleep forever. It wasn't just the physical pain but the emotional pain of having your best friend beat you within an inch of life. You didn't understand what you had done, and it didn't help that your brain was all fuzzy from the blows you received to your head. 

The sound of someone shuffling around at the end of the bed put you on high alert. You forced your eyes open to see Nat uncomfortably stood in front of you, flowers in hand. 

There was a long, tense silence, neither of you willing to bring up what happened first, but seeing Nat open her mouth, an apology inevitably about to fall out of her mouth, you rushed to speak first. 

"No, I don't want to hear it." 

"Please just let me explain, I'm sorry, I truly am. I just- I thought you hurt Yelena. She was crying and saying that something happened between you and her. I snapped. But I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, please forgive me. It doesn't have to be now but please-" her voice broke on the last plea but you didn't look away. You stared harder at her face, into her eyes. 

"You were my best friend," she winced at the use of 'were'. "And I get that she's your sister and you were just protecting her, Natasha, but you put me in here. You broke my arm. You really thought, after everything I've done to prove that I'd never hurt Yelena, that I did exactly that. I thought of you as a sister, Natasha, but a sister is supposed to make you feel safe, and being near you... safe is far from what I feel. I think it's best if you just leave me alone." 

"I understand. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She placed the flowers at the edge of the bed and left without another word, head hung low and shoulders slumped. 

You made the decision to leave after that. You loved Yelena, with everything you had, but you knew that you couldn't face being near Natasha, not yet. Making Yelena choose between you and her sister was not something you were going to make her do, so when you were released from the infirmary, you packed a bag and left. No note. No goodbye. It was easier for everyone that way.

[zodiyack]

Rude! (3,000+ Follower Fic Special 1/3)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female!Hopper!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Billy stuff, lyrics, fluff

Song: Rude by Magic!

Words: 1,798

Summary: Billy's love for Hopper's daughter is too strong to be stopped by the tough Chief Jim Hopper. Despite being told "not in a thousand years", he plans to love her regardless.

Note: Thank you so so much! I love you all, and writing your ideas, as well as sharing mine with you, has been so fucking fun and amazing! I'm sorry for my lack of words, I wish being an author came in handy with writing this, however, all I can say is that I love you all from the bottom of my heart. I've seen people do shout-outs, and ask-related stuff with their follower things, and I may do that, I'm not sure. For now, I hope you enjoy this... Thank you all, again!

Also 1/3 means that there will be two other fics released for the 3,000+ follower present!

Taglist: @urie-bowie-mercury, @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione

Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

"Saturday morning, jumped out of bed and put on my best suit. Got in my car and raced like a jet all the way to you. Knocked on your door with my heart in my hands, to ask you a question, 'cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man. Yeah."

Billy was freshly graduated, working as a lifeguard whilst his girlfriend worked her own job, both saving up for their chance to ditch Hawkins and move to California. Sweet Cali. Billy was excited to show the love of his life around the place he called home. Though, physically, he left the salty ocean and windy beach behind, the place never truly left him.

You could see it in his eyes. The waves crashing in his blue orbs. He swore the scent had just barely clung to his belongings; the smell of the tangy air that followed a majority of the state. Working at a pool was the closest he got to the memory of California. Chlorine was most certainly not the salted ocean waters, but with the circumstances, he decided it'd do.

The way his face lit up whenever he talked about his home...it made Y/n more and more excited to see it. His girlfriend had grown up in Hawkins, stayed there her whole life. Never once did the Hoppers leave Hawkins.

But the second that was introduced to Billy, he knew it had to change.

Although they were saving for a big move, Billy had...other things in mind with what to do with his first large pay-check (or series, rather. Working as a lifeguard didn't pay well with just one check). He began to work more shifts to make up for the money he'd spent, and one day after calling in for a day off, he decided to put his plan into action.

"Billy, stop messing with the tie."

"It's annoying." Hands slapped away his attempts of adjusting the black silk tie.

"Well it won't stop being annoying if you keep fucking it up."

For the first time in a long time, Neil Hargrove was calm. Not happy, not amused, not pissed off for some unjust reason- just calm. He wasn't wreaking havoc and he wasn't being an asshole to his son. Billy hadn't seen this side of his dad in quite some time, in fact, he thought something important was going on and he was about to fuck it all up. And then, Susan retreated to the living room with a camera and a freshly ironed suit.

"You're not putting me in that."

"And who asked for your opinion?" Neil deflected with a raised brow. One heavy sigh later and Billy was leaving the bathroom, dawning the whole black and white getup.

Susan clasped her hands over her mouth, a tear leaving her eye, "You look so handsome! Just like your dad!"

Billy rolled his eyes, "Great."

However, his careless attitude was swept under the rug when the blue Camaro pulled up to the police station, interrupting a clearly distressed Chief Hopper bickering with his daughter. Billy had to get himself together before stepping out of the car, jaw slack after seeing the beauty he got to call his date.

"Hello Mr-"

"Don't even try play nice with me, Hargrove. She's not going anywhere with you. End of story." Hopper kept his eyes trained on the blond, body tense like a snake preparing to strike it's prey.

Y/n grabbed Billy's arm, slowly directing him to the car, "And in the sequel, we find out I am going with Billy. End of that story."

"There is no 'sequel.' The writer got drunk and lazy." She paused, turning to face her father who stood tall, arms crossed and face unamused.

"So his daughter picked up where her father left off, and then the sequel was published and the two lived happily ever after, the end."

While her dad attempted to search for a line that would better hers and force her to stay, she pushed Billy toward the driver's side and slid into the car as fast as she could, rolling down the window as Billy started it up. "Bye! I'll be back before midnight!"

The two drove off toward the school, leaving behind a trail of dust and very, very, pissed off Hopper.

Prom was better than Billy thought it would be. He didn't want to go at first, but after Max found out and spoke to her mom about it (the little redhead a cupid-in-the-making), Neil pushed him to go (as he was "doing something else besides being a lazy-no-good rebel"). It was then that he called Y/n and asked if she'd be going.

The suit came in handy. Clashing with his rocker aesthetic, he put it back on once more. The once-annoying tie proved to be somewhat okay in the end.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, but the answer is no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude?

With a deep breath, he ran-over the conversation in his head once more. Like a script for an actor, he had thought of every possible outcome and every possible line for him to face it with. He almost chickened out as his fist rose to the door, but it was too late, for his knuckles rapped against it before he realized he was even knocking.

El opened the door, eyes wide when she saw the familiar mullet and button-down. "Papa..." She muttered as she backed away and out of view.

Hopper traded places with her, his lazy expression sobering up instantaneously, replaced with a grumpy scowl. "Hargrove."

"Mr. Hopper, sir."

"What are you doing on my front porch?"

He swallowed roughly, palms sweaty against his sides. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"You seem to be doing just that right now, Hargrove." Hop crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

Well, this was certainly not something Billy had thought of. He was on panic mode internally, attempting to find any response that could save his hide and accomplish what he set out to do. Unfortunately, the word-vomit button seemed to be misplaced under the button labeled "help".

"I'd like to marry your daughter, sir."

Hop's eyes grew just as big in size as El's had when she opened the door. He choked on his own surprise, coughing it off, then glaring at the boy in front of him. "Over my dead body, Hargrove. If that's all, I'd strongly advise you to get off of my fucking porch while you're still alive."

I hate to do this, you leave no choice; can't live without her. Love me or hate me, we will be boys- standing at that alter. And we will fly away, to another galaxy, you know. You know she's in love with me, she will go anywhere I go-

"Billy, he's just stubborn."

"No, no, I don't think he likes me."

Y/n sighed, rubbing her boyfriend's back. He hadn't told her of his proposal plans, only that Hop seemed to have it out for him. "It'll take time, but he'll warm up to you!"

"It's been how many years since he's met me?"

"To be fair, your reputation wasn't doing you any good until now..."

"It's not like that was fucking obvious." He slouched further down in the front seat of his Camaro. To Billy, all hope was lost. If he couldn't get Hopper to give him his blessing, he was sure he'd lose his goddamned mind.

Y/n frowned. Her frown flipped around as an idea popped into her head, her lips finding Billy's knuckles and quirking his attention. "Even if he never likes you, I'm not going anywhere."

Billy laughed softly, "he'll fucking kill me if you go against him."

"Eh, that's only if he can catch us."

"You're out of your fucking mind, Y/n Hopper."

"I know."

The rest of the night was spent in the Camaro, of course, doing one of Billy's favorite pastimes. By the time the sun rose, Billy was sneaking a kiss to a giggling Y/n before dropping from her window in the cabin and running to his car, parked far enough that Hop or El wouldn't notice. He blew her one more kiss, which she pretended to catch, then he broke into a sprint.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe; there was still a chance.

His knuckles hit the door again, shifting on his feet nervously. It swung open to reveal Hopper, an unimpressed look bringing no surprise Billy's way. It was quite expected, honestly.

"What." His tone made it clear he wasn't up for fucking around.

"Mr. Hopper, if you just give me one chance to prove to you that-"

"No, no, no, no, no. Let me make it very clear to you that I want you to have nothing to do with my daughter whatsoever. No marriage, no friendship, I don't even approve of you guys fucking or whatever-"

"We're in a serious relationship, sir. It's nothing like you think it is."

This made Hop laugh. He continued to do so, holding his stomach, until he realized Billy was unamused. "Oh, you're serious?... My answer is still no, Hargrove. My answer will always be no. Go find someone else's daughter's heart to break. You're not hurting mine."

"It's not like-"

Before he could even get the words out, he was met with a door in his face. Turned down, again.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, 'cause the answer's still no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude, rude?

Again, again, and again, Billy incessantly pleaded with Hopper. Different tactics were all met with the same answer; rejection.

He held up a sign outside the cabin, only for Hopper to close the curtain and chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

He asked at the door again, only for Hop to threaten to give him a black eye (which was met with "aren't you the sheriff? Isn't that illegal?").

He raced past the police station, Max leaning out the window with another sign, only for Hop to threaten them with holding cells.

He even went as far as to ask Max and El to help, but Hopper had none of that, and sent Max home with a rant full of nos.

However, if Jim Hopper thought any of it would get it into Billy's head that getting his blessing was just not happening- he was as wrong as Nancy when she claimed not to have feelings for Jonathan.

Billy had another plan in mind, and this one was impossible to say no to.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend- but no still means no!"

"Hopper." Billy stood before his desk, interrupting his nice date with a delicious doughnut, and earning a very annoyed glare. "I got Miss Byer's blessing. Aren't you two a thing?"

"You son of a-"

"I got Eleven's too."

"Hargrove, I'm gonna-"

"Before you cuss me out, I think you should know that I've got a stable job, an interview with a mechanic so I have a job when the pool closes for the winter, and I've got a house on the market I'm looking at. I'm devoted to your daughter and she's devoted to me. You may not like me, but I think you're a great dad, better than the one I was unfortunately stuck with. You raised a strong and amazing woman. She's incredible and I admit, she deserves better than me-"

"You don't have to say that twice." Hopper huffed, crossing his arms.

"I know she deserves so much better than me, I'm surprised she's even with me too. But she loves me, and I think you can see that. I love her too. I would never, in a million years, break her heart."

Jim stayed silent for a few minutes. The silence brought uneasiness to Billy, but that was intentional on Hopper's behalf. He finally piped up with a cough, clearing his throat, before his piercing eyes met Billy's blue orbs.

"I'll hold you to that, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude?

Bonus:

(after the wedding)

"What was that about a no?" Billy quipped with his infamous smirk.

"You're lucky I'm sheriff, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude?

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Come With Me

Culinary major! Soobin x food vlogger! reader; just some teeth rotting fluff

Word Count: 3.35k words

Mellow speaks: So I finally completed this long overdue and super fun request!!! Honestly, writing this was just so amazing, and I kinda drew Y/N based on my own self, so I hope you enjoy reading it!!

Rushing into his apartment, Soobin didn't waste a single minute in discarding his bag on the floor, rushing towards his laptop and turning it on. As the screen booted, the final-year culinary major prayed to the gods for the livestream to not have started yet. The winner of the contest from last month was to be announced at the beginning of the stream, and even though Soobin didn't have any hopes of him winning, he couldn't help the tiny voice at the back of his head saying, "What if?."

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a voice, sweet and velvety as always. There you were, on his screen, the biggest of smiles plastered on your face, making him feel warm all over. Y/N L/N, his favorite food vlogger in the world, ready to start another livestream. Soobin had always been more of a silent supporter, his introverted self being too shy to even post a comment under any of your videos, partly because you had a habit of replying to as many of those comments as possible, and he knew for a fact that he would combust on the spot if you were to ever reply to his praises of you.

You see, he greatly admired your love for food and your wanderlust. He was also a great fan of the way you spoke, and the way you articulated your ideas and thoughts. Truth be told, he genuinely liked you, and not just your voyager self. Watching your videos over the years, he had found himself developing a small crush on you, knowing full well that it was probably just him being starstruck. So, gathering all the bravery he had, the boy had finally pressed "Send" on the application form for the competition on the last day, after contemplating it for God knows how long.

There had been only one question on the form, asking respondents to describe what food meant to them. A smile had graced Soobin's lips as you answered it, pouring in his most sincere thoughts on everything culinary. What had pushed him to participate, you ask? It had been the prize, of course. A chance to hang out with none other than you yourself, through a one-on-one video call. He had always wanted to see you in person, to tell you how much your vlogs meant to him. How they had helped discover his own love for food, had helped him find his happiness in the kitchen.

And that had brought him to right now, biting on his fingernails as he listened to your regular introduction, one that he knew by heart and repeated after you, subconsciously. "Hey my food-holics! How are all of you doing today? Hale and hearty, I hope!," you said, following up quickly with a brief overview of the contest, before announcing the winner, as Soobin waited with bated breath. "All your answers were amazing, and I could relate to so many of them! It really sucks that we can only have one winner, since you're all winners to me!," you smiled, and he caught himself copying your expression. "So now, the winner of the contest, and the person who gets to be my new friend, is @aglio_olive!!," you exclaimed, clapping your hands as your eyes crinkled up in joy.

The fact that you had just announced him as the winner of registered belatedly, as Soobin was busy gushing over how adorable you had looked while clapping. He felt his mouth drop open, finding it hard to focus on what you said next. "I'll be contacting you via email shortly," you had said, and that was all it took for the rest of the livestream to go by in a blur for him, as he waited for your mail, checking and re-checking his inbox every two minutes. But it wasn't until the next day that he finally received what he had been peeling his eyes out for. An email from your official account (or that's what he figured), informing him that the meeting would take place on the coming Saturday, at 6:00 pm. Now all he had to do was wait three days, but it was easier said than done.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Soobin was equal parts bubbling with excitement and panicking with nerves. Reluctant to trust his own fashion choices, he had called over his best friend, Yeonjun, hoping to get some much needed guidance. "Should I wear this suit? Or will simple tracks be better?," he had asked, making the older boy shake his head as he patted him on the back. "My friend, Y/N's neither your professor, nor your friend. You're meeting them for the first time, so why don't you just wear something comfortable, that would make them feel at ease too?," he smirks, throwing a plain blue hoodie his way.

As the clock struck 6:00, Soobin found himself seated at his study table, ready to start the meeting. He had even prepared cue cards to help him if he got stuck, and they were propped conveniently next to the laptop. He reached out for them, but just at that moment, his screen came alive with someone waving at him with a smile on their face. Awestruck, he simply waved back, too tongue-tied to say anything. "Wow," he thought to himself, "They look so much better without makeup." A couple seconds later, a new kind of panic set in. "Am I staring too hard? Is it creepy? Should I look down? No but I need to keep eye contact!"

Little did he know, you were having similar, if not identical thoughts. "Wow, no one told me he was gonna be this cute. Blue suits him so well! I'm no staring, am I? Should I speak first? Or should I wait for him to say something?" This finally resulted in the both of you speaking at the same time, something you would later smile about. Because saying "How are you? I'm Soobin," and "I'm Y/N! How are you?," helped you crack into laughter, breaking the ice and easing the awkwardness. Once you had gotten past the niceties, it was time to get to know each other better. The cue cards lay unused, as Soobin just spoke about whatever came to mind, praising your vlogs and thanking you for teaching him more about cuisines. You, on the other hand, took the time to get to know him better, asking him questions about what it was like to study culinary science, something you had never gotten the chance to do.

The hour-long virtual meeting flew by in the blink of an eye, or so it seemed to the both of you. Talking to you, Soobin didn't once feel that you were a stranger or that he was just a fan. You seemed like a genuine and warm person to him that he couldn't help but admire you even more than he did before. To him, somewhere during the meeting, you stopped seeming like a famous vlogger anymore, and instead, all he saw you as was a friend. You, on the other hand, had made up your mind about him being the most interesting person you had ever met, and couldn't stop a sad sigh from escaping your lips as you looked at the time. "Well, Soobin. It's been a pleasure meeting you," you had said, making him smile wistfully.

The moment he had logged out of the meeting, he found himself missing you. He thought back on how nice you had been, smiling when he pictured your face, your hair slightly messy but not too unkempt, an oversized hoodie thrown over your body. To him, it had honestly felt like he was conversing with a friend, and he couldn't bring himself to let such an amazing person walk out of his life. So, without thinking, he began typing out an email to your account, his finger hovering just above the "Send" button. He stopped short though, realizing that your official account wasn't meant for personal mails, and realizing that he had no other means to contact you. Pouting, he fell face-first onto the bed, his energy going down all of a sudden.

He woke up to a "ping," indicating an email on his phone. Unlocking it, he noticed a mail from an account he had never contacted before. Clueless, he clicked on it, the phone nearly falling out of his hand as he read through it. It had been you, after all, reaching out to him through your personal account, and telling him that you had loved talking to him, and would like to be his friend. And thus began the most beautiful friendship either of you had ever forged, full of memories even though you hadn't met each other.

Late night video chats and good morning calls became a ritual, and Soobin found himself busily typing away on his phone every free second he got. You told him all about your escapades and trips, sending him photos and urging him to try cooking whatever you ate and whatever you liked. He, on the other hand, would teach you to cook, sending you tips and giving you suggestions on what to eat. Food was an intergalactic part of the relation you shared, but it was far from being the only thing.

When things got hard for him, you were there to push him towards his dream, reminding him day in and day out that he would have to give in his all to achieve it. "You'll be the greatest chef one day, Soob," you'd giggle, causing him to let out a whine as he said, "How would you know? You haven't even tasted my cooking yet!" He too, was there to provide you a taste of what it felt like to be grounded to one place, to have everything you wanted right next to you. He was there for you to cry to when someone posted a nasty comment under you video, and he was there to virtually feed you when you missed a home-cooked meal. Inside jokes became a thing, as did bitching about classmates and complaining about managers.

Over time, your friendship started blossoming into something more, as Soobin found himself catching feelings, real feelings, for you. The way you smiled, the way you would bite your nails just like him as you went through what people had to say about your videos, the way you cracked stupid jokes and laughed at them alone, he found himself loving them all. He had given his heart out to you, and he didn't want to take it back. You, meanwhile, had been a bit more careful of your feelings, wary of harboring any hopes for a long-distance relationship. But over time, you too, found yourself drowning into the oceans that were his eyes, watching the way his lips moved through the screen, imagining them on yours. Over time, you too, felt your feelings grow, but being your stubborn self, you didn't act on them.

Days turned into months, and soon enough, you were keeping Soobin company through his late night study sessions, talking to him in the hopes of keeping him awake. Helping him prepare flashcards, and letting him teach you a full four-course meal so that he could practice for his practical exams. "What are you gonna do once you graduate?," became a regular question you posed towards him, and every time, it was the same reply. "I don't know yet, Y/N. I want to do something like you. I want to travel the world and learn about different cuisines first-hand."

As Soobin's exams drew nearer, you found yourself bring just as worried as he was, worried about how he'd fare in the examinations, worried about what he'll do when he gets his degree. But keeping your concerns aside, you did your best to push him to do his best, study that last chapter, practice that last technique, memorize that last recipe. "I just wanna sleep, Y/N," he'd whine, only to have you let out a giggle at how adorable he looked. "It's for your own good, bub," you'd reply, your smile somehow managing to give him the strength to put in just a little extra effort.

Seeing him work so hard, you couldn't help but want to give him a surprise by congratulating him in person when he graduated. So, you decided to plan a trip to Seoul, shooting a film vlog just an excuse to finally meet your closest friend, and the person you had a crush on. You had initially wanred to keep the plan a secret, but soon realized what a waste it would be to not use it to your advantage. And so started your ingenious way of getting Soobin to hit the books. "I'm coming to Seoul after your exams, but I'll meet you only if you put in all your effort," you'd tell him, repeating it like a mantra day in and day out.

In response, the boy would pout and whine about how he "hated" you, but started putting in double the effort, just to make you proud. Your tactic seemed to work, but Soobin was still nervous. Nor about the theory, but about the practical exams. "What if I don't do well on the exam? It happens all the time on Masterchef," he said one day, looking into your eyes as you attempted to calm him down. "I know you'll nail it, Binnie," you replied, smiling at him through the screen. "Just think about what makes you happy while you cook, and you'll be good to go." As if on a whim, Soobin muttered out a soft, "You," causing your breath to hitch as you asked him to repeat. "You make me happy," he said again, looking down as he felt his cheeks growing warm. You couldn't help but smile at his sudden confession, sending a virtual kiss his way. "Now go study, you idiot," you giggled, proceeding to tell him about your day as he pored over his books.

The day of his practical exam rolled by, and as you had said, Soobin decided to cook while thinking of something that made him happy. He thought back on the day when you had told him about a delicacy from a city you had visited, and had convinced him to teach you how to make it. The memory alone made a smile appear on his lips, reminding him of how happy the two of you were. And so, that's what he cooked, passing his exam with flying colors. He was so happy he could have kissed you if you were there, and he told you that, causing a laugh to escape your lips. "I'll be there soon," was all you said, fighting to control your excitement.

Soobin passed with flying colors, earning his degree fair and square. And the one person he wanted to thank for it, was you. As you had promised him, a week later found you roaming the streets of Seoul, as you hurriedly made your way towards his college, ready to finally meet him at his convocation. Climbing up the stage to accept his degree, his eyes were busy scanning the crowds, eager to see your face. When he couldn't find you, however, he felt his smile falter, as he took in a gulp.

"Where are you Y/N?," he thought to himself, hand itching to check his phone that was lying in his back pocket. You had told him you'd be here on time, so then, where were you? Just as he feels himself falling deeper into his thoughts, he (like everyone else in the hall) hears footsteps running down the corridor, finally revealing you standing at the entrance, out of breath and with a huge smile stretching across your face. "You're here," he mouthed, his smile matching yours, as you replied with a simple nod and a "Congratulations," your eyes brimming with tears of joy for the boy.

Accepting his degree, Soobin walked off the stage to sit with his classmates, eyes meeting yours every so often as he tried to fight the urge to rush to you and hug you. Once the ceremony ended, neither of you wasted a second in finding each other, throwing yourselves into a hug long overdue. It didn't feel weird as you snuggled your face into his convocation robe, and it didn't feel weird as he did the same into your hair. Pulling away, you just couldn't hide the smiles that threatened to take over your entire face, taking each other's hand as Soobin left you to his parents. "Mom, Dad, this is my friend Y/N," he introduced, and his mom didn't miss the spark in her son's eyes as he looked at you.

Once you were done with the niceties, the two of you made your way out into the city once Soobin had handed his robe over to his mom. Walking the streets with him, with you cracking jokes and him pointing out tourist sights to you, you felt something you had never felt, no matter how many cities you visited. A sense of comfort, a sense of belonging. You felt like you were home for the first time in ages, and it was all because of the guy walking next to you. As if on a whim, you whipped out your video-camera, switching it on and turning it to yourself. Soobin belatedly realized what you were doing, when he heard you recite you introduction. Looking at you in shock, he felt his mouth fall open as he heard you say the words, "Friend," "Soobin," "Featuring," "Guide," in quick succession, piecing the sentence together in his brain.

"Y/N! What are you doing??," he whined, looking down to hide his face. "Awww Soobinnie is shy!!! Sorry guys, it's his first time," you cooed, a giggle escaping your lips as you turned your camera off, trying to convince him to feature in your vlog. "But I won't know what to say!!," he retorted, making you snicker. "Just take me out to eat somewhere tell, and tell the camera why you like the place you like and the food you like. It's not that hard!," you replied, and after much convincing (and some borderline begging), he finally agreed.

He showed you all his favorite eateries and restaurants, gawking at the insane discounts you got him, and just enjoying watching you eat in person, sharing his food. By the time evening rolled out, the two of you were full to your throats, looking out over the river from the bridge. "Thank you Y/N," Soobin said, turning to look at you. "For today, and for everyday. For being there for me, and for being the best friend I have ever had, and more." "Thank you too, Soob," you replied, your eyes stinging as you looked up at him. "Thank you for making me feel at home. Thank you for becoming my home." You hadn't noticed just how close your faces had become, both of you having leaned in subconsciously. Finally, Soobin closed the gap, your lips meeting his in a kiss that's full of the pent-up love and emotions.

His lips were soft against yours, molding with yours like two pieces of the same puzzle. Pulling away, a smile graced your lips as you looked up at him shyly, whispering an "I like you," causing him to repeat your words and adding a "too," cheeks rising up in a smile. Biting you bottom lip, you say, "Come with me," making him tilt his head in confusion. "You said you wanted to be like me. To learn about cuisines first-hand. Then come with me. I don't want to be away from you, I want to be with you 24/7, and not virtually. I want to talk to you in person, to hug you, to kiss you." You notice his smile growing wider, and so you ask, "So, what do you say?," as he replies by placing his lips back on yours.