#but I keep the mentality of B. Ross and remember that I do this to make myself happy

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e9 holy terror (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad bruckner)

embarrassing but even though i've read a lot of fic for seasons i haven't watched yet, i didn't even consider until that recap put those bits side by side (angels conning people into saying yes + ezekial) that the angel inside sam was like. up to no good in some fashion?? LOL. me n dean. i think i even know the bad angel's name because i've definitely seen it mentioned in fic 😂🤪 this is like how i was kind of on sam's side about ruby, like i know she's up to something but we can make this work!! haha

SAM No, it's more than Vesta! I mean, this kind of thing's been happening to me. Like, like, there are chunks of time just … missing. Like there are times when I'm… not here.

💔 sam has a lot of reasons to worry about the state of his mental health, mad at dean, mad at the show. etc etc.

DEAN Yeah, because … damn straight the trials. They whacked you, man. You're not up to warp speed yet, okay? But you will be. Would I lie?

more mad at the show/dean. like, why make him say that. why make sam feel that way, doubting himself and trusting dean when he shouldn't. a pal said it was the righteous man's turn to fuck up now and dean's doubling down

literally just yelled "oh COME ON" i forgot about this. it was in the recap, but i already forgot. dean made that face and i was like, did he lie about something? i can't remember that either.

heaven politics have my brain glazing over yet again

other than giving dean the much needed turn to fuck up and need to grovel and beg for forgiveness, the only thing i like about this ezekial situation is dean's increasingly flustered reactions to him popping in

CASTIEL It is so good being together again. You know, this is my first beer as a human. I hope it's okay, me joining you? SAM Why wouldn't it be okay?

i'm happy that sam's happy to have cas around, and i feel like he'd have reason to be not happy with cas but honestly i have no idea where things were left between them. i lose track when it's a plotline every several episodes.

EZEKIEL-IN-SAM I told you. When I chose to answer your prayers and heal Sam, I chose sides. That means I'm not in good standing with certain angels. DEAN Okay, well, you know what? Cas isn't in good standing with any angel, all right? But here he is, ass on the line, fighting the fight. So tell me, what makes you so special?

what indeed! dean and i are both idiots 😂

METATRON Well, I'm really looking forward to this. EZEKIEL-IN-SAM Excuse me? METATRON Oh, please. I know who you really are. And it isn't Ezekiel. NOT-EZEKIEL-IN-SAM looks constipated.

got another funny transcription, thank you. gadreel reveal??? i'm going to be way less impressed with myself when it's someone else

CASTIEL You said the angel, Ezekiel, helped heal him. DEAN (looks down, avoiding the question) Look, I got to do anything I can to get him back. Now, if that means that we keep our distance from you for a little while, then... Then I don't have a choice. I don't feel good about it, but I don't have a choice. It's great to have your help, Cas. Okay, but we just can't work together. CAS looks sad.

understatement! good job dean, made him make the sad wet kitten face.

METATRON And yet you spent countless thousands of years locked in Heaven's darkest dungeon. And now you're hiding in this human, posing as Ezekiel.

i did not know that! i know nothing about gadreel just bad+sam. lol (and yet that wasn't enough of a clue!!)

METATRON And so … Plan "B." Rebuild Heaven as the place God envisioned it, only with a handpicked few. No more anemic functionaries like Bartholomew. And no more stupid angels. (consideringly) Maybe some funny ones.

i'm not down with calling cas stupid, and i don't know if this was meant to be a little shade on cas per se, but i did appreciate it nonetheless. because cas consistently makes the worst decisions. but he was funny there for a bit! let's go back to that

LOL this framing he looks like the big robot

the day the earth stood still (2008)

GADREEL-IN-SAM Humans do seem chaotic, Metatron. METATRON Which makes them fascinating, but... All that emotion. Geez. And the wasted energy. It's just... exhausting. GADREEL-IN-SAM I know. Sam Winchester... It is a mess in here. And the brother – I do not know where to start.

low hanging fruit but i'll take it

snorted.

pretty shot

wanna know a secret? i force myself to pay attention to the goings-on with cas and make sure i include bits of it whenever he's around only because he has such a large presence in fandom's mind. otherwise i kind of tune him out like i do the political machinations. he's around more than people like jody, his storylines never make much sense because he just makes the most batshit decisions, they talk about his relationship with dean more than they ever show it. it's such a weird combo. it's like we're all pretending he has a bigger part in the story than he ever does on screen. but we (the show) talk about it, and the fandom talks about what the show talks about. i may be too high for this thought process

see i forget about kevin too! and i like kevin. i love how completely fucking over this all he is. but he keeps plugging away, forgotten, somewhere.

no pressure. just a bunch of kids died too.

was cas trying to get caught? i'm confused

????? okay. needed to fill that torture quota

CASTIEL I've explained in detail. I don't know how Metatron's spell worked. Therefore, I can't assist in reversing it. I was an unwitting accomplice. MALACHI Ohhh. A dupe. The great Castiel. Valued and trusted Castiel. Top-of-the-Christmas-tree Castiel. No more than a dupe.

--

MALACHI Just following your example, Castiel. How many did you kill in Heaven? How many in the Fall? Oh, you didn't know? A host of angels died when they fell – Azrael, Sophia, Ezekiel

i was like, he got you there, cas! about the following your example thing but now cas finds out about not-ezekial, ok

i am so confused. cas sucking this dude's grace out

very domestic and sweet.

CASTIEL I… I did what I had to. I became what they've become. A barbarian.

i mean, not the first time, amirite

all right, dean and i got with the program, not-ezekial==bad.

DEAN You're gonna have to trust me, okay, trust that I told you everything that I can for now. Can you do that? KEVIN I always trust you. (DEAN nods.) And I always end up screwed. DEAN Oh, come on. Always? Not always.

cute cute. kevin's fun

i compulsively screenshot the bunker too because i'd like to try to understand the layout but i'm useless at it. i should just cheat and look it up. anyway, what's up with the weird bathroom vanity sinks in not-bathroom rooms. one in the kitchen, one in the war room place

s8e15 (mentioned it here too :p)

DEAN (hurriedly) No, you don't. I mean messed you up like almost dead. No more birthdays, dust to dust. Well, that messed me up, so I made a move, okay, a tough move about you without talking it over because you were in a coma.

oh, dean.

DEAN I tricked you into saying yes. It seemed like the only way. SAM (sighs) So... Again. You thought I couldn't handle something, so you took over! DEAN No, I did what I had to do! You would've never agreed to it, and you would've died. SAM Well, maybe I would've liked the choice, at least. DEAN We can do this – later. You can – you can kick my ass all you want. Right now, we got bigger problems.

i can feel that longstanding frustration-rage bubbling up that's so particular to a familial relationship

oh, gadreel fooled me too. i thought maybe he popped back in because dean was too slow.

and i knew kevin died (only recently read something that mentioned it, i generally avoid stuff around the time period i'm watching when reading but oops) but like. anticlimactic? :\ and as always, ALWAYS just when i start to really enjoy a side character they get killed off. womp womp. at least i didn't cry, that's something

instead i just sighed because "trust me, kevin" and "i always end up screwed :)" so now dean's gonna feel guilty. he's already feeling guilty enough, did we need that too? when they push too hard on the excessive dean whump, i get annoyed. like the whole 4 months=40 years, i enjoyed torturing people, etc. edgelord bullshit :P

the single tear of man pain has returned

bring it on (2000)

what i think of every time

[starcchild]

what if carter was pregnant with quentin's child in the ikau?

((well, truthfully, she'd get an abortion. Carter is not fit mentally, and debatably physically, to raise a child, and she knows it. Especially during the time she hooks up with Quentin, seeing as it's going to be around post-aou to cacw, which is her lowest point in the ikau. She doesn't want to be a parent, and she doesn't want to go through with a pregnancy.

in general, though, Carter having kids in the ikau is... pretty slim, and even then, she'd only be willing to adopt or have a surrogate. She'd absolutely need to be in a stable relationship after she's had time to go to therapy and get a good start on healing, and it'd really would need to be something brought up by her partner versus her, since she wouldn't mention it. And the reason why she wouldn't have any kids is because her body has been through a lot, so she's absolutely not fond of the idea of putting her body through even more stress, and she doesn't know what the serum in her reactor would do if she was pregnant. It could end up hurting her and/or the fetus/baby, it could somehow give the baby abilities, or it could do nothing. It's just... not something she's willing to risk under any circumstances.

anyway, going back to if she was pregnant with Quentin's child, I'm gonna entertain the idea of her keeping the baby because a) why not, and b) I've entertained the idea in a few asks already sdfgjhdfsh - so! the way I've written it so far is that Carter didn't know she was pregnant until after she and Quentin had their falling out. She tried telling him because she panicked and didn't really know what to do, but because things were messy between them, he wanted nothing to do with her, and she was reluctant to push. So, he didn't know, and she stopped trying to reach out to him. I... honestly, I feel like she just. bounces from the Avengers without warning. Seeing how this would be post-cacw, she... really doesn't see a reason to stay to begin with. She doesn't trust the others, more so than before given everything that had happened, although if I include their battle, she would stick around long enough to blackmail Ross into getting the Avengers out of the RAFT and expose him to destroy the Accords before disappearing. She doesn't want to be Iron Man, she wants nothing to do with him, and is... frankly, scared. She doesn't know what to do or where to go, but she doesn't want to stay there (and, a big thing to remember, is that she's still suffering from the aftermath of Obadiah's abuse, and still believes what he told her about the others not caring about her - something that, unfortunately, was only proven in her eyes with the whole thing with Steve), so she just... leaves. No goodbye, no note, no nothing. She's just... gone with some of her belongings. And, honestly, I think a part of her would be ashamed, and want to leave to avoid judgment. Though, I do wanna say, she did leave behind a large sum of money to keep the Avengers paid and all that jazz - she still took a good amount with her, but... she has a lot of money, so, financially, everyone is fine all around.

this would definitely be the thing that pushes her to get help, although she knows, realistically, she's not going to have enough time to get her shit in order before her baby is born. She can at least get a start on it, but she's gonna need to work hard to keep it up to get better, and she will. She's terrified of doing what Obadiah had done, and will work hard to better herself so her child has a good childhood. Parenthood is still going to be incredibly hard for her, especially considering she removed herself from a support system she didn't realize she had, but... she'd get the hang of it, and would be a good parent to her kid. She'll mess up, but no one's perfect, and she means well. She'll learn from her mistakes, and do everything she can to give her child a good life. If one of the Avengers were to find her, Carter would certainly be standoffish, and would really just... want them gone, really. She wouldn't be hostile or mean or anything, but just... withdrawn, and clearly not wanting to engage with them just then. That could change later on when she has a chance to fully settle down with her child and get her head on straight by progressing further in therapy, but I honestly don't really know how that'd all go.

however, with all that said and while her leaving is my knee-jerk belief, I do think there's still a chance she'd stick around somewhat. She'd probably move out of the compound into her own place (maybe an apartment?), but there's a chance she'll still at least stay in touch with the Avengers. Or, what feels more likely, is that she'd disappear, start therapy, and her therapist would encourage her to get back in touch with them, and would help her realize they're not her enemies, and that they do care about her. It'll be a hard pill for her to swallow, especially when she has to admit she's pregnant, but that's another possibility of what would happen. She'd still be awkward and standoffish at first, but she'd have a support system still, and would slowly warm up to them as she does begin to see her therapist is right.

now, regardless of what would happen, Carter wouldn't tell anyone who the father is. Quentin, at that point, will probably be unknown to the Avengers (possibly known to Happy and Rhodey, though, if Pepper happens to mention him or they know of his project at SI), but she just... doesn't want him involved, and doesn't want to talk about him, especially when she realizes their relationship was far from healthy. Maybe one of them could get her to open up about Quentin if she grows close enough to them? but it'd really depend on the circumstance and who it is!

but, yeah, in general, it's just not gonna happen in the ikau ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Carter won't have any pregnancy scares when with Quentin, either, btw - it's just something I don't particularly feel like adding in.

[jace-hero]

Looking Back on 2022

1:What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before? I started working at a theater in Hollywood, that's pretty fun. I bought a new car for the first time. Saw a Broadway quality show in a real big theater. I'm sure I did more that I can't remember right now.

2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't believe I did, and I don't think I will this year either. I never keep them.

3:Did anyone close to you give birth? My brother! I'm an uncle for the first time!

4:Did anyone close to you die? My dog, Sadie. Still makes me sad :(

5:What countries did you visit? Ain't nobody got the time or the money.

6:What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022? TIME AND MONEY.

7:What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 12th. Was a fun day driving my new car around LA.

8:What was your biggest achievement of the year? Buying my car and not having a mental breakdown.

9:What was your biggest failure? Not putting myself first and being able to build for my future.

10:Did you suffer illness or injury? Covid for a 2nd time. Wasn't as bad this time, just annoying.

11:What was the best thing you bought? Broken record, but my car.

12:Whose behavior merited celebration? Idk, mine? Good for me.

13:Whose behavior made you appalled? Putin, Amber Heard, and my bosses.

14:Where did most of your money go? Surviving. Food, rent, car, bills.

15:What did you get really, really, really excited about? Quitting my job. I didn't quit though.

16:What song will always remind you of 2022? That awful "Unholy" song.

17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? ( c) richer or poorer? Happier? Fatter. Poorer.

18:What do you wish you’d done more of? Travelled. I want to travel so bad.

19:What do you wish you’d done less of? Eat and work. It's all I seem to do.

20:How did you spend Christmas? With my besties watching movies.

21:Did you fall in love in 2022? Nah.

22:What was your favorite TV program? So many good ones. House of the Dragon, Stranger Things, Peacemaker, Wednesday, and Search Party.

23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Elon Musk?

24:What was the best book you read? Didn't read anything this year. I should remove this question next year lol.

25:What was your greatest musical discovery? Purity Ring.

26:What did you want and get? My car.

27:What did you want and not get? To travel. WrestleMania tickets. Disneyland tickets. A PS5.

28:What was your favorite film of this year? The Batman. Hands down. Absolutely amazing. Matt Reeves got it so right. A perfect Batman film. Shout out to Bullet Train and Halloween Ends.

29:What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My car. Theme of the year tbh.

30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022? Scrubs and whatever wasn't dirty on my days off. Also my one single Armani shirt for when I needed to be fancy.

31:What kept you sane? My friends. As much as they also drove me absolutely nuts.

32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Always Justin, but Shawn Mendes and Ross Lynch were lookin mighty fine this year.

33:What political issue stirred you the most? I don't know man, I'm exhausted. All of them. I'm so sick of politics.

34:Who did you miss? My grandma, my friends, my dogs.

35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022: Value yourself. Prioritize yourself. No one else is going to put you first. YOU put you first.

36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "Here in my car, I feel safest of all, I can lock all my doors, it's the only way to live.. in cars." - Gary Numan (Cars)

[fuwafuwamedb]

How do you handle so many ongoing fics you hab fuwa?

It’s a bit difficult right now since my laptop is on its last legs and a couple keys on the keyboard don’t work so I had to reformat the keyboard to place the letters “s” and “e” elsewhere on the keyboard. The charger port is super broken too so my computer is currently taped up and at an awkward like 70 degree angle and suffering from a strange duct tape surrounded by fabric cabbage mess where the charger is plugged in. (My new laptop comes tomorrow allegedly so we’ll see how twice the capacity and my special new keyboard work). 

I like playlists for my stories. If I hear new songs and music, I’ll sometimes add them to playlists and let my mind wander when I brainstorm. I take notes, but they’re not necessarily linear. I like to try to find plotholes with my stories and I reread a lot (which is painful because I sometimes find grammar mistakes or find I got a little caught up in saying the vibes were vibin’). 

it’s nice to do one story at a time, but i have found that doing more than one allows for more creativity and it allows me to take more of what I learn about the original lore and about the fate lore and place it in stories as they’re ongoing.

Plus, a few stories are just done. That makes having so many really just having a few.

[kaypeace21]

do you think it’s possible sarah (hoppers daughter) was an early-formed alter that went dormant before the events of season one? it’d make a lot of sense with how much of hoppers arc in season one was him mourning her and channeling that grief into protecting will (which would make sense since he seems like a protecter to both will and el). love your posts!☺️

Yep . :D

I already discussed all of this in the original did post - how sarah was a “little” (kid ) alter. And how hopper was a protector /introject alter. I also discussed her going dormant as a major possibility in my did theory. My assumption is she either (a) “became dormant” like some alters do- aka they are “gone” sometimes for many years but can return . And this can happen in a myriad of ways - sometimes alters go dormant after they had a simulated death in the inner world . theoretically sarah had such a Death. And so did El. Death isn’t really a permanent thing for alters ...they usually will come back or stay dormant - unless the body of the host dies (or they integrate) . They can’t really die . I think it’s very possible she comes back and Hopper while exploring the various innerworlds of Will’s minds (like the Russian one, the memory scapes , etc ) reunites/ finds her . look at the st s4 movie inspirations. In ‘what dreams may come”  a guy with the guidance of his dead kid explore a heaven like world influenced by a painter’s emotions.We also have the movie ‘inside out’ -which involves “memory islands” (distinct worlds based on a child’s memories) which are influenced negatively by the kid being depressed she moved to California. The characters traveling to these memory islands are constructs of  kid’s mind -and 1 of them also has a guide helping them explore the ‘memory islands’. in  Inception a guy says he’s a construct of a guy’s mind and needs to help him escape the many different Ievels of the dream worlds.The in inception who made the worlds- had dad issues. 'the cell’also had alternate dimensions of a man's mind that a cop explored ( the dimensions were created by a man who was ab*sed by his dad). Movies like inception, matrix, Truman show, total recall, the cell, enter the void, wizard of oz, Peter Pan, hellraiser 2, dream warriors, bill & ted’s bogus journey, and welcome to marwen  also allude to this: because they involve entering simulated abstract worlds usually created/based on happy& traumatic memories/fears.Cough s4 using the movie wizard of oz quote “we’re not in Hawkins (kansas) anymore.While truman show/matrix are more about realizing your reality isn’t real.in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper realizing he’s an alter and not in “actual Russia.” Before seeing the other segments of the innerworlds with sarah. Like in total recall- the bad ass spy is told all his memories: his wife/ years of marriage,  , his name, are just implanted memories. And she says “you’re life is a dream.” 

In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners  r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the Anerican soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand, slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is  flashbacks of his life- will hint he’s an alter of Will’s-the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see). And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . For instance in s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. It accounts of Billy Pilgrim's capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II, and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy's life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians  (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.

  And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . Like how in ‘peterpan’- the young girl Wendy imagines netherland and the villain -captain hook- is based off her father ( in the movie they have the same voice actors/while in all stage productions the 2 characters are always played by the same actor). Similar to the other s4 film- ‘wizard of oz’ where the wicked witch of th west from the mythical land of Oz (is played by Dorothy’s real life mean neighbor in the real world/kansas). Or ‘in the cell’- every villain from the alternate-mind- dimensions is played by same actor in diff makeup. Not sure if they’d use Ross Patridge (actor of Lonnie) in this way . But it would be very interesting if (In makeup) Ross played many negative people in Hopper’s life/past -as a way to show Will’s past tr*uma.

Like also-look at Sarah’s tiger plushie! In chinese mythology/culture: “The tiger is personified by the constellation Orion (interesting given Sara’s interest in space/blackholes). The tiger represents protection over human life (hmm?). Tiger charms were used to keep away evil and disease (that’s awful ironic if she died in the manner she did). In Buddhism, wearing tiger skins during meditations was believed to bring protection from spiritual interference and potential harm while exploring astral dimensions.” HMMMMMMMMM  XD

Kali in the stranger things novel ‘Suspicious Minds’ says…

“I was named after a goddess. She wore a tiger skin and was fierce in battle.”

Then Kali says to Alice (a women who can see future visions): “I love you, Alice. We can be tigers together.”This parallel (in relation to Alice) is fascinating because Kali actually uses her powers to fake Alice’s death- and to trick Dr. Brenner, and allow Alice to escape. The allusion was so realistic, that Terry could even touch the ‘dead’ Alice.

So the tiger symbolism could be a HUGE hint- that Sarah’s death was simulated and she’ll come back and travel the innerworlds/alternate dimensions of Will’s mind (as Hopper’s guide). Hopper about sarah “galaxies the universe-she always understood that stuff.”

Another possibility (theory b) is she integrated with another alter or with Will (which means she can’t return) .Hopper saying about Sarah “the black hole it got her.” Could imply she integrated with the mf/shadow monster? And ,or maybe she will later ?

But... I lean heavily to theory (a) the most , though.

Obviously sarah has a lot of the connections to Will. will and Sarah both being into science, Sarah winning a spelling bee, Will winning the science fair, both being connected to tigers. Both hallucinating something no one else can see and people trying to snap the 2 out of what they’re viewing. Joyce saying as a witch she’ll eat Will. Parallels Hopper saying as an ogre he’ll eat sarah. Hopper, in s1, when seeing Will (with a vine in his mouth) has a flashback of Sarah on a mouth respirator. And he also has a flashback of Sarah when seeing Will’s lion plushie which resembled Sarah’s tiger plushie. And el also had a lion plushie-like Will’s in s1. Hopper monitored both Will and Sarah at the hospital when they were “dying”. Will has a fear of clowns- and Sarah’s hospital gown had clowns on them. All 3 kids draw.

Plus, we all know the parallels of Will to El (Hopper’s new daughter).

I discussed in my did theory that Hopper (as an adult alter) is a form of protector to all the kid alters - el, Sarah, and Will (host/core). And Hopper as an introject-alter (who are alters based on a person the child knows ) are usually put in the system cause the kid assumes that person could protect them . And since original-Hopper was a police man (a little kid could easily assume that). Although, because he’s a “father figure” for the system he has some of Lonnie’s traits- which are reflected in other perpetrator alters/ bad npcs in the system- Brenner, Neil, Billy, the evil’s Russians,etc . So sometimes he acts similar to a Perpetrator alter too . And I listed those examples/bad parallels extensively in the original did post (linked in the beginning).

And I used these quotes from psych papers in my original did post to pretty much sum up Hopper’s use in Will’s system .

“Introjects can also be based off of  figures that the dissociative child found strong, courageous, heroic, or otherwise worthy of being emulated and internalized and could theoretically protect them.”

“Older adult alters are created to serve a nurturing or parenting role, thus serving as a protector. (*protecting Will/el) . However, sometimes their older age is related to taking on the identification of the ab*ser and can therefore take on any of the other more hostile roles too ... Introjects which are mimicking ab*sers are trying to "keep you inline" in order to protect you from external ab*sers. They are copying behaviors shown to them by bad people, not harboring the intent, s*dism or imm*rality of the actual perpetrators.”

I think it pretty much sums up the nuances and motivations of Hopper’s character.

Thanks for the ask, anon :)

[jubilantwriter]

No Idiots Were Harmed in the Making of His Reality

(AO3)  (Previous)  (Bonus)

Summary: Despite Boyfriend's brain resembling nothing more than an empty screensaver at times, he also switches frequently between different screensavers almost at will.

Today, as he holds his ex tightly in his arms, listening to those rare, sought after snores, his mind is twisting and turning with thoughts as his thoughts become those never-ending pipes that seem to stretch on forever. Now, if only he could actually put his thoughts into words.

Or:  A little insight into the actual thoughts of Boyfriend (and Girlfriend).

Word Count: 1395

////

Pico’s snores fill the living room, and Boyfriend’s chest fills with warmth.  The ginger always did have trouble falling asleep.  Girlfriend lifts her head up from where she’s been lying on top of Pico, their eyes meeting as she tilts her head curiously.  There’s no doubt to either of them that Pico is dead asleep, but she still speaks in a whisper as she asks her question.

“Do you have any idea what could have made him cry?”

It wasn’t the food.  He knows they both know this, but she pulled that out as a reason when they both saw how desperately he was trying to avoid spilling his thoughts in detail.  Sure, Girlfriend suggesting that Pico was crying over fast food of all things made them seem like even bigger idiots than they already were (and he’s seen Pico cry over food before, so it wasn’t as much of a stretch that Pico made it out to be), but the laugh that came from Pico was worth it.  The tension was eased, the ginger was relaxed, and now they had him practically melting in their arms.

It’s only fair that he tells her what he thinks, right?  He opens his mouth, ready to tell her his suspicions but… he hesitates.

What if he’s wrong?  What if he’s assuming he knows all about Pico when really, three years of radio silence is enough time to change a person completely?

...At the very least, his habit of falling asleep in gore-covered clothes hasn’t changed at all.  It made sense then, and it makes sense now - Pico would take advantage of any moment to rest, even if it meant having to sleep covered in blood at times.  An old habit wants to take hold of him, to find a towel and wet it.  To gently wipe the splatter off his face and hands.  To carefully change him out of his outfit into something cleaner, something more comfortable.  But he’s underneath Pico now, with his girlfriend on top of said ginger, so some habits just have to lie in wait until then.

His fingers twitch, wanting to take hold of Pico’s hand and give it a little squeeze.  Instead, Girlfriend takes hold of his hand and squeezes.  She smiles sweetly and understandingly, waiting for him to gather his words and figure out what he wants to say.  Boyfriend never was good at conversation.  It was easier to make noise and have people place meaning into it so that he didn’t say the wrong things.  Most people always miss the mark when guessing what his response may be, but Pico and Girlfriend are surprisingly good at figuring out what his beeps and boops could possibly mean.  They both know him so well, but does he have any right to say that he knows them just as well?  He never really enjoyed his thoughts too much.  It’s why he tries so hard not to think about them.

What was he supposed to be doing again?  Oh right, Pico.  

“B-”  He stops himself.  No, beeping wouldn’t do good here.  She needs to actually know what he thinks.  And what does he think?  All his thoughts circle back to the break up.  The one where Pico cried more than Boyfriend, even though he was the one doing the breaking up.  How Pico shook and trembled and acted like he wasn’t falling to pieces in front of Boyfriend.  How he tried to give no explanation, but kept looking at the band aid on Boyfriend’s face with guilt.

Boyfriend is stupid, sure.  He’s not very good at books, and he only ever managed to graduate from high school thanks to Pico.  But he’s not braindead.  Sure, it takes him a while to put two and two together, but once the dots connect, he can see things in full clarity.

Which was why he knew that Pico was hurting himself more than he was hurting Boyfriend.  Pico needed someone in his life that he could rely on, but could he even give himself that?

There were books he read once.  Books he really tried to commit to memory.  Books about mental illnesses, of PTSD, of schizophrenia, of getting help, of finding help, of so many things that he wanted to commit to memory, but his measly attention span couldn’t keep focus long enough for him to read an entire chapter, much less consecutive passages.  Shit, wait, he’s supposed to be talking to Girlfriend, not getting lost in his overwhelming thoughts.

What even were his thoughts from earlier?  Something set off Pico, right?  They were going to watch some Bob Ross when…

Ah.  Right.  He said something about his thoughts being not good, but not bad.  Something in between.

Bittersweet.

“I… think…”  Boyfriend scrambles for the right words, squeezing Girlfriend’s hand to ground himself.  She always has been so patient with him.  “He was remembering some things from when we were dating.”  There’s dots in front of him, but he doesn’t know what to connect, so he starts drawing as many lines as he can in hopes of finding the answer.  “Um, to me, they were good memories.  I like remembering them.  But maybe… Pico doesn’t?  Or maybe, he doesn’t like that he has happy memories because…”

Because it’s a reminder of what he purposely lost?  A reminder that he’s not allowed to have happy things?  Pico always had a hard time accepting he was allowed to have good things.  Back then and even now.  He struggles to find the right words to say, but Girlfriend nods slowly and picks up from where he left off.

“It makes him sad, remembering good things after they happened.  Especially after bad things happened after the good things.”

“Yeah.”  He nods as she catches his drift with ease.  She was always good at figuring out what he wanted to say.  “Maybe, because he was feeling okay again, it made him remember all the times he felt okay, and- y’know how he is.”  He hugs Pico closer to his chest, feeling the older shift against him with a grunt as he gets comfortable again.  

“I think so.”  Still, she smiles and brushes Pico’s bangs away from his face.  “I think he’s got a lot on his mind that he should talk about, but when he’s ready to, of course.”

“Mmm.”

“Do you have anything you want to talk about?”  Her eyes lift from Pico to Boyfriend, making him look away from her attention.  Normally he loves all the attention he gets from her, but this is the one time he feels nervous under her gaze.  Still, there are some things he wants to tell her.  Like his past with Pico, how he waited for Pico to come back for those long, few years, how seeing him again made him realize that he never stopped loving him, not really.  He’s sure she’s figured that out though.  It’s not like he’s good at hiding his feelings to begin with.  She cups his face with a smile, no doubt getting his vibes immediately.  “I won’t judge you, I promise.”

God, she’s amazing.  He cups her hand and smiles.  “I know.  It’s just- it’s a long story.”

“We’ve got a lot of time.”  Right on cue, Pico’s loud snore rings out into the room.  They both stifle their giggles over the snore before she reaches over to poke Boyfriend’s cheek playfully.  “You have all my attention!”

His eyes soften as he takes her hand and kisses it.  “Yeah, I do, huh?”  He rubs his thumb against the back of her hand, humming to himself as he thinks of a good place to start.  Not at the beginning, but maybe near the middle.  Close to the end but not quite the end.  Yeah, he decides, that should be a good place to start.  “So, around my junior year of high school, me and Pico were already dating for like, a yearish?  And I already knew him for a good couple of years before we were even dating, so I knew what kinda stuff he got into all the time.”

“Of course.”

“But uh, that didn’t stop me from liking him, right?  It just helped me understand him more.  Why he was the way he was, what I could do to help.  So we found out that…”

And for once, the words come easy to him.

[imagine-that-100]

Drunk | Part 8 |

Description of Part 1: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | When you come back home to Manchester from University, you get invited to a house party filled with your old friends from high school. You hadn’t seen most of them for 4 years and the house brings back some old memories of the parties you once attended. Getting drunk with old friends ends up being better than you imagined.

Word Count: 12.2k

A/N: Okay hopefully by the end of this I will have redeemed myself from the torture I made you read last week? Hope you don’t hate me anymore xx Thanks for reading and love you all! Let me know if you want to be tagged x

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

| MASTERLIST IN BIO | 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You slowly got yourself back together over the next few months with the help of your friends. Y/B/F practically came and lived with you for the first month because you became morbidly depressed.

You ate junk food most nights because you couldn’t be bothered doing anything. You slept most of the time because it was just a way for the pain to go away.

But you got yourself up every day and made yourself presentable. You didn’t let your emotions get a hold of you at work. You had people to take care of that were in much worse situations than you, so you kept your emotions at home.

About a month after you ended things with Matty, you started to go out to parties again. Initially you really didn’t want to. All you wanted to do was stay at home and go to sleep but they all forced you out.

And in the end, you were really glad that they did because you felt better. You started to feel like yourself again. And you quickly got back into the rhythm of going out with your friends and having a good time again.

You also kept in touch with Denise and Louis like you promised, and you were so thankful they were still nothing but lovely to you. They still treated you like one of the family and you took Louis out to the cinema like you promised him.

He seemed to have a great time and the film that he chose was also surprisingly good, so you had a really good time too. You of course got him the McDonalds that you always got him when you looked after him for his tea.

You honestly loved the kid so much you wished he was actually your brother.

Over the next few months you were your old self again. You were happier and you made the most of the summer holidays whilst you had the time off. You went out so much you had to put everything in your calendar of your plans.

You barely had a second to yourself. You were going on a last-minute girly holiday which you were really excited about. The day before you were due to go away on that holiday though you had a little break down.

You were just thankful that your girls were there to pick you back up though. Matty had posted a picture of himself with Halsey and you just knew it was a couple’s photo.

You wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t make you upset because it really did. You just sat and cried about it for a good hour until Ava saw that he’d posted it and called you up making sure you were okay.

You obviously weren’t and she came around straight away. You told her how you just hated everything about the situation. You hated that you weren’t over it, you hated that your heart hurt every time you thought about him and you hated how you felt like you were nothing to him.

He meant the world to you and you still loved him. It just wouldn’t turn off and you were thankful that Ava just sat and listened to what you had to say.

But she called the other girls around and you had a good afternoon together until you had to go your separate ways so you could finish packing for your holiday.

You were going with Ava, Stacy, Y/B/F, Caroline and Alisha. They arranged it as a surprise for you for your birthday and they somehow let your school give you the time off so at least you got to miss the holidays with all the children taking up the pools.

You were away for your birthday and you were so excited to spend your birthday in the luxury of an all-inclusive holiday. And that seemed to be the cure that you needed for your heart.

Whilst you were there you and the girls when to various clubs where you pulled different guys and you didn’t feel sick afterwards. You found yourself having fun and you got your old mentality back.

You got more dick over there in the space of a week than when you started Uni and went to fresher’s week. The other girls were happy for you and you slowly felt yourself become more open to the idea of being single again.

You didn’t go for any of them more than once and on one night you managed to get 2 different guys to shag you. One at the beginning of the night and one at the end.

Needless to say, you were more over Matty when you came back off your holiday than when you went. You felt better about yourself and got your confidence back. And you definitely didn’t keep that to yourself.

You posted so many pictures on Instagram that the world didn’t know what hit them. Or you liked to think of it like that anyway.

And what made it better was that a certain someone had definitely seen them, and it proved your point that you wouldn’t be sad and broken like he’d left you forever.

And you knew he knew because you and Ava were chatting to Ross on the phone because things were still great between them. Ava was telling him all the gossip about everything that had been going on but was currently telling him that one of the guys you’d shagged was also staying at the hotel you were, and you kept running into him.

Ross ended up saying, “Jesus Christ Y/N, that’s gotta be the awkwardest thing in the world”

You and Ava laughed at that but before you could reply you could hear George shouting on the other end of the phone, “Is that Y/N? Put her on speaker”

Ross agreed and you had a chat to them when George started asking what was going on. George had been great with you. He’d kept in contact with you and you spoke every week or so. He knew you didn’t want to talk about Matty, so he kept everything light and he told you about the tour and how they were getting on.

You loved hearing the stories because you did miss Matty keeping you up to date with everything but at least you still had your best pal George.

“So, Y/N/N what have you been up to on your holiday?” George asked you and you smiled at how excited he sounded to speak to you.

“Getting dicked” You told him and both you and Ava started laughing.

“Check you out. How many you bagged so far?” George said seeming as excited as one of the girls.

“She’s up to six different ones in five days and we have still got two days left so I recon she’ll be on ten before we leave” Ava chuckled, and you let out a laugh at that along with Ross and George.

“Ohhh Yeahhhhh! Get me the dick” You joked, and George and Ross burst out laughing.

“Oh dear, same old Y/N” George sighed which made you smile.

“You know it Georgie” You told him, and you carried on your conversation for a little while.

All whilst Matty was listening in on everything because he was on the other side of the room to George and Ross.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When you got back from your holiday you all decided to have one more night out with your girls until you all had to return back to reality. And you were so glad that you did.

Whilst you were out you ran into some one rather unexpected. You’d been into Manchester with the girls but all managed to catch the last train back to Wilmslow, so it didn’t cost you a bomb to get back home.

You decided that you would go back to the bar that you usually went to because it stayed open till 3am and the vibe in there was always good. You went in and sat on one of the high tables with stools surrounding that had been abandoned.

There were about 20 different glasses still on the table but none of you minded and you went up to the bar to order you drink. Whilst you were up there though you looked towards the guy next to you and really recognised him.

After looking for a second but not realising who it was you looked away, so you didn’t appear to be a creep. The guy was really cute. He had a chiselled jawline with cute brown hair that was swept back like Ross’.

You waited patiently for the staff member to come and serve you but after a minute you felt the guys eyes on you. You looked back over to him and smiled when your eyes met his.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare you just look really familiar” He apologises and you felt relieved that it wasn’t just you.

You smiled and told him, “It’s okay. I thought I recognised you too!”

“What’s your name?” You asked the cute guy.

“Tom, what’s yours?” He told you but the name didn’t ring any bells.

“Y/N” You say, and you saw the wave of recognition fly across his face.

“Oh my god, it’s you” He gasps, resting a hand on your shoulder excitedly. But from the look on your face he could tell you didn’t remember him.

“You don’t remember, do you?” Tom asked and you shook your head with an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got no clue”

Tom then lent closer to you and said into your ear so you could hear him over the noise, “I won’t go down in history as the guy with the best pick up lines, but I’ll go down on you”

Tom couldn’t contain his smile as he then watched the recognition light up your face.

“Oh my god, yes, Tom, of course. You look great, how’ve you been?” You asked him like you were old friends.

“I’ve been great thank you, how are you?” He asked and then you chatted along for the rest of the night.

“You never called me for that drink” You pointed out and he started telling you about how he was going to call you the day after he met you, but he genuinely lost your number. When he came to check his phone, it was nowhere to be found.

Tom told you how he was gutted about it because he really wanted to take you out. You joked that he ‘lost’ it on purpose, and he told you multiple times that he really didn’t and to make it up to you he bought you a drink.

To be fair to him, Tom bought you drinks for the remainder of the night and you danced with him a fair amount until he whispered into your ear, “Do you wanna get outta here?”

Of course, you nodded your head because he was still one of the most stunning people you’d ever seen, and he’d been a perfect gentleman all night. He’d gotten a lot better looking since you’d last seen him and you didn’t think that was possible but there he was.

He had broadened up since last time, and you could feel how strong he was when his arms were around you. And you felt safe in his arms. Safer than you had done in a long time so when you woke up the next morning and he asked for your number you made sure that he gave you a quick call so the number wouldn’t be lost.

And that was how a blissful 2-and-a-half-year relationship formed. You started dating him straight away after that night and you got on like a house on fire. You told him about your past and your worries about another relationship just 3 months after your old one but he never pressured you into anything but that ended up being the best thing.

You fell into an amazing loving relationship and you were so horrendously happy. Tom was your Prince Charming and came and saved you. He gave you hope in the male species again and you were both so happy.

So, when Denise ended up seeing you about 3 months into your new relationship, she thought you looked like a completely different person. The light in your eyes was back and you seemed like yourself again which made her really really happy.

Initially though, when you took Louis out, she could tell you still weren’t yourself and only two weeks after splitting with Matty, she didn’t expect you to. The second time she saw you though was just before your birthday and you looked a lot better.

It was a week before you were due to go on you holiday and she’s asked you to babysit Louis the first time which you happily agreed to. However, when the front door opened at 2am you didn’t realise the surprise that was waiting for you.

Denise had forgot to tell you that Matty was also due home the same night so when you got up to greet Denise at the front door, your smile fell off your face when you saw who it actually was.

You both paused and gazed at each other for a moment until Matty put his keys down on the side. The action caused you to start being human again and your heart hurt slightly looking at him. After all you’d only been split up about a month.

You saw that he had lovebites on his neck that looked like someone had punched him it was that big. You found it childish, you were 23 now, did anyone really need marks on their neck anymore?

You could tell he was completely pissed as well. He stank of cigarettes and lager. You’d grown to love the slight smell of tobacco that always lingered around Matty but tonight he smelled fucking disgusting. It was like he’d been chain smoking.

“Why are you here?” Matty questioned and you frowned at him.

“Looking after your brother” You told him, wondering why he didn’t know.

“Right” Matty said before kicking his shoes off and continuing to chew the gum that was in his mouth.

When you didn’t get another response from him you nodded to yourself and grabbed your car keys from near where his now lay. You pulled the front door open as you mumbled under your breath, “Great chat”

“He’s fine by the way. Just in case you were wondering” You said before shutting the door behind you and pettily driving back home annoyed.

The next time you babysat for Louis was 3 months into your relationship with Tom. When you walked into their house Denise thought you looked amazing.

She asked who it was that was making you smile like a schoolgirl and you told her about you and Tom. She was over the moon for you and she said that the next time you came around she wanted to meet him.

“Well you’ll see him tonight. He’s going to come and pick me up” You told her. You were staying at his tonight because you were both going down to Liverpool tomorrow for a concert and you were going to spend the day out together before you went.

“Oh, I’ll hopefully get home before Matt does then to see him” She said, and your smile faltered slightly.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you that Matty’s on his way back home tonight…” She started but you assured her you would be fine. 

There wouldn’t be a repeat of last time, you had moved on and you were happy again. You really didn’t care if you saw him again at this point.

Just after Denise went out you and Louis sat down and had a semi-serious conversation about what you both wanted to do. You gave him the choices of a movie night, cinema, bowling or crazy golf and he found the decision difficult.

Of course though, the first thing that Louis did was make sure that McDonalds would be involved which he was very pleased about when you agreed. He then decided that you would be going to the Trafford Centre to play crazy golf which you both found hilarious.

You both had a blast and after you’d been beaten by a child, you took him to McDonalds in the food area. You honestly loved taking him out, he never failed to make you smile and he seemed to love having you around. Since you’d met him, he really seemed to love you and you were glad that nothing had changed.

You ended up going to the arcade that was also in there as well where you managed to spend over £30 on nothing. The only thing you kept from your spending spree in the arcade was the pictures that you and Louis got at the photo booth and a teddy that he won.

Afterwards you then took him into HMV so he could buy a DVD that you both could watch when he got home. He chose Man of Steel which had just come out on DVD which actually turned out to be a good film. A lot better than the other Superman movies you’d seen.

After that though it was 11:30 and you reluctantly told Louis that he had to go to bed. You weren’t tight though you didn’t say it he had to go to sleep you just needed to keep up a good impression, so Denise still allowed you to come around and hang out with Louis when she went out.

“Okay, I won’t go upstairs and go on my PS3” Louis said as he hugged you goodbye.

You chuckled and hugged him back, “I won’t tell if you don’t”  

“Thanks for today Y/N” He smiled just as he was about to leave the room.

“You’re very welcome. I’ll see you soon, I promise” You grinned, and he said he would hold you to it.

After he went upstairs you got yourself comfy on the sofa and you turned on some shit TV. You got yourself too comfy though because the next thing you knew the front door was being opened and you’d woken up to the TV being a completely different programme than you left it.

You rubbed your eyes and picked your phone up. It was 1:30am and you immediately texted Tom to say you were ready to be picked up, you already couldn’t wait to get back to sleep.

Matty came into the lounge and seemed shocked that you were in the house. You smiled when he came into the room and tried to look past the shocked look on his face.

“Hey Y/N, what are you doing here?” Matty questioned but at least it was kindly this time.

“Looking after Louis again whilst your Mum’s out” You told him with a smile.

“Ah right, isn’t he like fifteen now? Shouldn’t he be staying home alone?” Matty thought out loud and you shook your head.

“He’s twelve” You told him like he should know.

“Oh, shit yeah” Matty said before sitting down on the other sofa.

“How are you anyway?” You asked him. 

You were curious, you couldn’t lie. You always wondered and you did miss checking in with him.

“Yeah I’m good thanks. You doing okay?” Matty asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m great thanks… How are my boys doing?” You asked with a big grin thinking of the lads.

“They’re good, they’re good. I just dropped George at home for the night and Hann and Ross are the same as usual. Fucking idiots mostly” Matty grinned and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh dear” You smiled, and you checked your phone again.

After a second of silence Matty looked back at you and noticed you on your phone. “Do you need a lift home? I didn’t see your car” He asked genuinely.

“Ah no I’m good thanks, I’m getting a lift” You smiled.

“You sure? I don’t mind”

“Honestly it’s fine, he’s already on his way” You told him before returning back to your phone.

Just as Matty processed what you said and just as he was about to ask who was picking you up, your text alert went off. Matty watched as you grinned down at your phone before picking your jacket up from next to you.

“Actually, he’s here” You said standing up.

Matty stood up as well so he could show you out. “Who’s coming getting you?” Matty asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Just Tom” You said shrugging your jacket on and then pulling the door open. You didn’t even realise that Matty wouldn’t have even known who Tom was when you just said “Cya”

When you walked out you saw Tom walking up the driveway to meet you and you smiled at him. “Hey, thanks for coming getting me” You said before quickly pecking his lips.

“It’s okay” He said before he caught your lips again for a second and you smiled up at him lovingly.

You started walking towards his car, but you noticed Tom turn back to look at the door and nod (in a friendly way) towards Matty, who you actually forgot was there. You turned back and sent a little wave his way before you reached the car.

Matty watched as Tom opened the door for you and you climbed into the passenger seat of the car. After that Matty closed the door behind him now fully understanding the difference in your behaviour from the first time to the last time he’d seen you.

The first time you looked sad still, almost depressed but now 6 months since you’d both separated you were happy again and looked so much better. You still didn’t quite seem yourself because Matty knew your tells, but you looked happy. And that was something Matty could say he was jealous of.

He thought that maybe he needed a dose of the same medicine. So that’s what Matty ended up doing.

In the New Year it was officially put on both Matty and Halsey’s Instagram that they were a thing. People had been speculating about it for a while, but they had finally made it official and when you found out you could honestly say to yourself that you were happy for him.

You were in such a good place in your relationship with Tom that you didn’t think anything could put a downer on it. And it couldn’t.

You were so beyond happy, and everyone seemed to love him. Tom fitted in so well with your friends and your family loved him just as much as they loved Matty.

Even Denise loved him when she forced you to bring him around after a year of her not yet meeting him. She’d asked you to sit in with Louis for a night again but after not bringing Tom around to meet her multiple times throughout the year she said he could come and sit with you whilst you had your movie night in with Louis.

She loved him and she treated him like she’d known him for years. Tom seemed to love her too especially when she thanked him for keeping you happy for the past year.

She reluctantly went out after that and you all sat in and had a movie night. Louis had a list of movies lined up that he apparently knew you would love, and he wasn’t wrong. The kid probably knew your movie taste better than you knew you.

That night when Louis had gone upstairs on his Xbox you and Tom just stayed on the sofa and carried on watching movies. You ended up having a good night in and you ended up falling asleep with your head in his lap.

When Matty and Denise returned home together that night they walked into the lounge to find you fast asleep using Tom’s lap as a pillow and him falling asleep too. Matty’s eyes found you before they did Tom and he saw how peaceful you looked.

You looked just like you used to when you were curled up next to him in bed. You looked peaceful which was nice for Matty to see but his heart sank when he saw you were lay in Tom’s lap. Just a few years earlier you would be lay in his lap like that.

When Matty closed the door to the lounge Tom woke up and picked his head up off the sofa. He smiled at both Matty and Denise saying a soft, “Hey” and then quickly followed by an apology for falling asleep.

Denise said it was no bother, whilst Matty stayed quiet and walked into the kitchen. Tom softly woke you up and you got up and spoke to Denise for a little while. Tom chatted along with you whilst Matty kept himself to himself and only speaking when he had to, so he didn’t appear rude.

Denise loved to see you happy and it did make Matty happy too. He was glad he hadn’t ruined your life like he was slowly ruining his own. He was happy that you were happy.

~*~*~*~ 2016 ~*~*~*~

Your happiness with Tom lasted until January 4th, 2016. You’d had a great 2 and a half years with him but you both decided to mutually call it off. There wasn’t a future with him, well not the one that you wanted anyway so you thought it was best to go your separate ways and stay friends with each other before you grew to resent him.

But you didn’t mind. You looked at the split as a positive thing. And you found yourself getting back on track a hell of a lot faster than you did when you split up with Matty.

You guessed you’d grown a lot as a person the past 3 years, that or you were just happier because you hadn’t been cheated on.

Just after you’d split with Tom you got a text from George. It wasn’t about anything to do with Tom which you were sort of thankful for and the message the text contained made you unbelievably happy.

Hey Y/N/N. Hope your good! I just wondered if you wanted to come to the album release party again? We’re planning on dropping it Feb 26, so the party starts at 7 on the 25th. Really hope you can come, feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Miss you loads, hopefully see you there x

Your heart melted at the message and of course you replied to him telling him you’d be there. You wouldn’t miss it for the world. The singles that they’d dropped last year, Love Me and Ugh!, were tunes so you were really excited to hear some new stuff from them.

After the breakup with Matty you boycotted their music for a long while until you could listen to Matty’s voice without getting upset or angry at it. You were glad you’d got past that stage because you had enjoyed their music for years and they had some really good songs that you sometimes just wanted to listen to.

January past by fast with you moving into your own little flat and getting your life back in order. You found it weird living on your own again, but you found yourself enjoying it at the same time. February came around quickly and one day you were in your car driving to the supermarket when the radio presenter caught your attention.  

“Right so we’ve got a new one here. It dropped today, February 15th 2016, and I’ve gotta say it’s a great song. It’s the latest single from The 1975 and it's off their new album ‘I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware Of It’. Yes, it’s a bit of a mouthful but I’ll tell you all right now it’s going to be a banging album” The presenter said just as you were pulling into your parking space.

“So here it is… Somebody Else by The 1975” He said and then the music turned up.

You parked the car and sat listening as Adam played the synth until Matty’s voice rang out, “So I heard… You found… Somebody else… And at first… I thought… It was lie”

It was needless to say that the song struck a chord with you. It was the ultimate break up song. One that you could dance and cry to at the same time.

You sat there contemplating what to do because by the end of the song you had a feeling the song wasn’t about Matty’s break up with Halsey last year. Different things about your relationship with Matty started flooding back to you and your heart sank at it.

The song should have been reminding you of Tom, but it really didn’t. You didn’t think you would be phased if you saw Tom with someone else and after a month of not being together it really should be playing on your mind.

But no. You thought about Matty and how it did sting when you first saw him with someone else. Like when he posted that picture with Halsey way back in 2013 after you’d split you remembered how heartbroken you were by it.

But it was another part of the chorus that made you think it was more about you than it was about Halsey. For a start you didn’t think Matty would write an anthem about her after she literally outed his private secrets when she released her album last year.

The song Colors was clearly about him and it actually shocked you when you listened to it. You wouldn’t have shared any of Matty’s secrets like that, so it made you question how nice of a person she actually appeared to be.

But the main reason the song struck you was the lyric “I’m looking through you while looking through your phone and then leaving with somebody else”

That line alone took you back to 6 months ago. Steve had invited you to another school reunion sort of party but this time everyone’s other halves here invited. So, because you and Tom were in the area visiting family you both went.

You walked in and hugged Steve because he was greeting people as you went entered the house. The place looked fancier than usual, but that was probably because now that you were 26 and all dressed like it.

You’d got there a bit late because you and Tom couldn’t put each other down so when you entered you could tell that your friends knew whilst you were late. Y/B/F came up to you and gave you a hug calling you a dirty girl and you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling.

Stacy and Alisha were also there, and you had a quiet giggle about it with them. With Tom not too far behind he was chatting to the other boyfriends that he knew well by now. You were all in happy relationships and you loved your little group dynamic.

As you were chatting though you felt arms wrap around you from behind and lift you up into the air. You let out a little screech until the culprit placed you back on the ground and you managed to get out of their grip to see who it was.

You turned to see the eyes of a very giddy George and you practically jumped on him to hug him. “Oh my god, Hey! How have you been?” You all but squealed.

George chuckled still hugging you tightly, “I’m good. How’s my favourite sister?” 

It was then your turn to chuckle and you told him, “I’m amazing thank you”

Once George had released you, you saw that behind George was Ross. You gave him a massive hug because you hadn’t seen him since he and Ava split up. You wished it would have worked out for them but unfortunately the distance was something Ava found really hard to deal with. You were just happy they were still friends with each other after they ended things.

Adam wasn’t far behind and you of course gave him a big hug too. He really was the cutest one out of them all and you missed him like crazy. He was always so clever, and you missed him coming up with guitar riffs all the time. Especially when he played something you knew that you could sing along to.

After you released Adam you saw that Matty was there too just a few feet behind them. You smiled at him and didn’t have the heart to not give him a hug like you’d hugged the rest.

“Hey” You smiled as you hugged him.

He hugged you back like any friend would and returned the pleasantries. You’d heard through the grape vine that he wasn’t with Halsey anymore and when she dropped Colors you’d been dying to speak to him.

“How’ve you been?” You asked him.

“Yeah alright thanks, hope you’ve been alright” Matty smiled at you.

“Yeah I’m good thanks… Can we have a chat later? When I don’t have to mingle anymore?” You asked him, hoping he would say yes.

“Yeah, sure” Matty nodded at you and you smiled at him before you were captured by another familiar face from high school.

Later on, you’d found him, and you went outside for a quick chat with him. He smoked and you got on with each other like normal friends which you were pleased by. You didn’t have any bad feelings towards him anymore. It had been 2 years and you were now in a happy loving relationship, so you had nothing to complain about.

You asked him how he was doing after the whole Halsey situation and he confessed to you that he was pissed off a bit when he heard the song, but he couldn’t do anything. You just felt the need to reassure him that you wouldn’t do anything like that.

“I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew that I wouldn’t do anything like that… I don’t mean like writing a song or anything but the stuff that we talked about… I would never dream of telling anyone else” You told him genuinely. You just wanted to make sure he knew.

“Not even our Tommy boy?” Matty joked, trying to make light of the situation.

But you wanted to keep it clear. No joking involved. 

“No, I haven’t and won’t tell him anything” You told him in a serious tone.

You watched as Matty took a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out in a long breath. “Why?” He questioned looking into your Y/E/C eyes.

“Because it’s none of his business. The stuff you decided to tell me in private aren’t and never will be my secrets to tell” You told him, finishing up with a kind-hearted smile.

Matty took another drag of his cigarette before blowing the smoke out the side of his mouth so it wouldn’t get you. He knew that you never liked to have the smell of cigarettes to linger on your clothes. 

He smiled slightly, “Thank you, I appreciate it”

“Anytime” You smiled before looking back inside seeing a bunch of people surrounding Tom that he definitely didn’t know. 


“Right, well, I better get inside and save Tom before he gets mobbed” You joked and Matty thanked you once more before heading inside.

The rest of the night was a fairly normal party. You drank like you normally would in a civilised place and you had a really good night. You had a catch up with everyone and barely had a moments peace.

But there was one moment when you did find the briefest of moments to yourself and that was went everyone was chatting around you and you took your phone out of your pocket and started scrolling through it. You were looking through the shit that you’d been tagged in on Facebook and twitter and found yourself smiling at it. You were happy in your own little world, just zoned out from everything around you.  

So, you didn’t notice Matty on the other side of the room, lent against the back door watching you. Matty found himself smiling watching as your grin got bigger as you scrolled through your phone. He knew you were probably looking at a stupid meme that Ava or Stacy had probably sent you, but he liked seeing you happy.

You were in your own little bubble for a few minutes and Matty found himself enticed by you, and you weren’t even doing anything. He just couldn’t stop looking.

However, Matty watched as your little bubble burst when Tom wrapped his arm around your waist from behind. You turned your head to look up at who’d captured you this time and smiled when you saw your handsome boyfriend.

Matty watched as you lent back into him as you put your phone away and he saw you looked to the ground nervously when Tom started whispering something in your ear. He watched as the smile that was already on your face turned into a big flushed grin and you nodded your head when you next looked up at Tom.

Matty didn’t know why but his heart sank. He knew exactly what Tom had just proposed you do and Matty felt himself deflate.

He didn’t know why though. He didn’t want you anymore but at the same time he didn’t not want you. Yes, you were beautiful, you always had been, even in high school but he didn’t want you like he once did when you were together.

All Matty could think was that he shouldn’t care but he did. He cared that you were happy, but he didn’t like to think about the fact that you were about to leave with someone else when the last time you’d both come to one of Steve’s parties you’d be leaving with him.

He didn’t even want to picture what you would both be getting up to after you’d gone. He didn’t want to think about how happy Tom made you. But at the same time, he was glad Tom made you happy.

Initially, when you dumped Matty, he thought that there was no way it would be forever. He just thought you’d come back around, and you’d start up again. He didn’t think that when you split it would be the last time that he saw you for more than 2 minutes in 6 months.

But from the time he saw you for 2 minutes to now he saw the huge difference in you. The first time he saw you, you still looked broke but the next time you looked a lot better and more like yourself again. And when he saw you with Tom that time that he’d come home to you both on the sofa you looked so happy that Matty longed for that happiness.

Matty then watched as you then went and tried to slip out with Tom unnoticed. But your eyes found Matty’s and you sent him a small smile that he knew meant bye. He smiled back at you and nodded his head to signify that he was saying a silent goodbye.

So, as you were sat in the car listening to the song you found a stray tear running down your face. And when it ended you sat there for ages wondering what to do with yourself.

“Fuck” You whispered, wiping the tear from your face. 

Somebody Else was about you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

February 25th, 2016 rolled around quickly and for the occasion you decided to dress yourself up a bit. It was too cold for a dress, so you made the effort of wearing wet-look leather pants with a pale pink shirt. You finished your look off with a leather jacket and some black heels that you loved.

You had your hair down and you actually felt pretty for the first time since you’d split up with Tom. You hadn’t had an excuse to go out yet, so you were definitely making the most of this occasion.

You did your make up simply too. Nothing too out there but you also didn’t look like you made no effort. You just went with a natural eyeshadow with a winged liner and you were proud of yourself after you’d done it.

When you got to the venue that George told you about you gave your name to the guy on the door. He asked for your ID and you happily gave it him.

You were really excited to see your old friends; you hadn’t heard from them in a long time. Too long, considering you used to speak to George almost every other day.

You’d missed Ross too since his split with Ava, but you understood it. People needed their space after a breakup. Even if they were still going to be friends afterwards.

You climbed the grand hotel stairs until a member of staff showed you into the function room. Even before you walked in you could hear the rumble of hundreds of voices and it only became louder when the door opened.

When you walked in you were overcome by pink light. You’d seen their new album cover and loved it, but you didn’t expect there to be this much pink at the party.

But you were wrong. Littered around the side of the room were loads of neon signs and you recognised some that you saw. There was one on the stage that’s simply said, ‘The 1975’ and you had to say it looked very aesthetically pleasing.

You didn’t see anyone that you knew directly in front of you, so you just went to the bar to get yourself a drink before looking around all the different neon signs.

You recognised the ‘Love Me’ one and the ‘Ugh!’, along with Somebody Else and The Sound. You couldn’t believe that they had released two bops a week after each other and you were sure that there would be more on the album.

You were already proud of them for their new stuff and you wished you’d got a chance to tell them in person before now. In all honesty you wished you were in contact with them more often than you actually were.

You hadn’t spoken to Matty since Steve’s last party and you had only texted George about a month after that. You hated to message them, you always felt like you were interrupting as they were always away and knowing your luck, they would more than likely be on stage when you texted.

You walked around the noisy hall wondering around the neon lights. You guessed that they were song names from the album, and that thought was confirmed when Adam found you.

You saw Adam’s cute smile as he made eye contact with you from just across the room. He excused himself from the people that he was chatting to and came over and gave you a big hug.

“Hey you” You chucked as his arms wrapped around you.  

“I am so glad you’re here Y/N/N” He whispered into your ear and you let out an ‘awh’ as he held you.

“I’ve missed you so much Adam” You squeezed him again before letting go.

Adam chuckled, “I’ve missed you calling me Adam”

“Oh no, have they made you forget your first name?” You joked but Adam nodded, and you couldn’t contain your laughter.

Adam laughed along with you, “You know them, I don’t get my first name and they bully me”

“I’ll hit them for you, don’t worry” You chuckle shaking your head before turning slightly to look around the room.

You noticed the pink vibe again and looked towards the ‘Lost my head’ sign and you had to say, “I’m loving the pink vibe you’ve got going on”

“Yeah it’s cool innit, it’s all the song names” Adam smiled.

“Ah I love it” You said just before your name was shouted across the room.

“Y/N Y/L/N” A voice boomed, and you turned around wide eyed to see George stood on a chair pointing at you.

When you realised you weren’t in trouble you laughed at the sight in front of you. The wild head of hair that was George Daniel jumped off the chair and came towards you with his arms wide open.

“God, I have missed you” He grinned, and you chuckled telling him that you missed him too.

Ross soon followed and after you were done hugging him you saw that Matty was around as well. He sent you a grin and you couldn’t help but grin back.

“Come here you” You smiled walking towards him so you could give him a hug.

Matty wrapped his arms around you, and you did the same to him. He gave you a tight squeeze and he said, “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, how are you?” You asked before letting him go.

“I’m really good thanks” He smiled at you and you now stood with the boys surrounding you in a chat.

“How’ve you all been anyway?” You asked them after the pleasantries were out of the way.

“Yeah were good, been busy but glad it’s all out of the way for now” George smiled at you and you nodded.

“Yeah I bet you all are, stressful times releasing new songs and an album” You said remembering from the last time they released things.

They all nodded around you and you were all smiling like giddy school children. Ross then grabbed your attention and asked, “Have you heard any of the new ones?”

“Of course, I have” You smiled and smiled at them. You were stood near the neon sign that said ‘The Sound’ so you moved towards it and announced, “This one’s a fucking banging tune”

You held the bars it was attached to and they all smiled at you. You grinned as the pink light illuminated all their faces and you had to say that pink was a good colour for them.

Especially when it contrasted with their dark clothing. You were at least glad to see that the black jeans and black shirts were still around.

“Ah you like that one then?” Adam asked you and you nodded.

“I like them all. But as always I’ve got my favourite” You told them moving back towards them again.

“And that’s The Sound?” George questioned with a grin, but you shook your head.

“Nope” You said holding your answer back until one of them asked.

“Which one is it then? Love Me?” Adam asked.

You shook your head and chuckled, “Nah, Somebody Else is such a tune” You told then with a smile but then made slightly longer eye contact with Matty.

You think for a split second you saw something click in Matty’s eyes and he knew that you knew. You weren’t bothered by it at all. He was entitled to write songs about his own feelings, that was completely fine. You just didn’t expect him to articulate his feelings into words so well.

But you knew Matty had a way with his words. The whole of the first album was practically a 70/80’s teen movie and you loved every song on that.

“Well if you think that one’s a good one, you should wait until you hear the rest of the album” George said taking your attention again.

“I’m so excited to listen to it tomorrow” You smiled.

“You’ll hear it later tonight” Ross pointed out.

You smiled, “True but you know I like to listen to new music properly”

“Ah yeah, so you’ll be annoying Tom all day with our music then?” Adam asked you.

“No actually, it’ll just be me” You smiled, realising where the conversation was headed. 

You forgot no one would have told them at this point.

“Ah no where’s Tom escaped to then? Is he here by the way?” George asked, looking around the room slightly to have a look.

You softly chuckled and with a soft smile, “No, it’s just me. I’m not with Tom anymore”

At this you watched as all of the smiled fell off the boys faces, and you saw them look between each other for a second not too sure what to do. They looked completely shocked and, in a way, it was almost humorous because that was what everyone’s reactions had been like.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” George asked, pulling you into him to give you a side hug.

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s been a month and I’m honestly fine” You smiled wrapping your arm around his back.

“You don’t have to say that Y/N, your allowed to not be okay”

You chucked and looked around at them all. “No honestly I mean it, I’m fine. It was a mutual thing and it was for the best. It was probably more my decision than it was his”

“Well as long as you’re happy, we’re happy” George said before kissing the top of your head.

You nodded in confirmation, “I’m happy, don’t worry”

You looked towards Matty and you could see that he was giving you the look that screamed that he was trying to figure out if you were being truthful or not. You smiled at him knowing what he was doing and gave a little nod.

Matty seemed to accept this with a wary look but he gave you a smile. He could also see that you didn’t really want to talk about it, so he changed the subject for you.

“So, what do you think of the new theme?” Matty asked you, gesturing around the busy room.

“If you’re on about the pink, I love it”

“Yeah, you even dressed for the occasion” Adam pointed out with a grin.

“Haha I didn’t even realise I’d done that” You laugh looking down at your pink shirt. “But yeah I love it. But what the fuck is up with the album name?”

“Blame Matty. You know how poetic he likes to get” Ross said pushing Matty’s shoulder in a playful manner, which you giggled at.

“Of course” You trailed off with a grin and Matty shook his head at the situation. However, they were then pulled away from you which you obviously didn’t mind about.

You decided to wonder around the room and take in all the neon signs. You liked to guess what each song was about by the song title and what it sounded like and when Matty came up to you about 10 minutes later he seemed to have guessed that’s what game you were playing.

“That one’s an instrumental. No lyrics… Well not really anyway” Matty explained from just behind you and you turned to him and smiled.

“You got a lot of instrumentals in this album?” You questioned as you continued to walk around the neon signs.

Matty followed you and confirmed, “Yeah, we’ve got a fair few. The one named after the album is a long one”

You chuckled and turned around towards him, so you were now slowly walking backwards. “Really? … Is it as long as your hair?” You giggled.

Matty laughed at that and then ran a hand through his hair, smiling, “Yeah, I decided to keep it long” 

You grinned back and chuckled as you reached up and started running your hands through his hair. His curls had gotten really long since the last time you’d seen him and now he also kept a little bit of hair on the sides.

As you ran your fingers through it messing it up, Matty grinned but then grabbed your wrists so you’d stop. He pulled you towards him and brought your hands down so they were trapped between the both of your bodies so you couldn’t continue.

“You really haven’t become less annoying, have you?” Matty joked, still grinning and keeping you in place.

You shook your head and giggled, “Nope” 

You shared a laugh with each other before you turned around and you started looking at the neon signs again. You walked and chatted with Matty for a bit until you stopped dead, when you saw what one neon sign in the distance said.

“Wait, you’ve got a song called Paris?” You asked him with your eyes were glued to the sign.

You just about tore your eyes away from it when Matty said, “Yeah”

After a long second, you decided you’d just ask, “Is that one about m- “

“Just the chorus… Just the chorus on that one” Matty confirmed offering you a smile.

You didn’t really know what to say to that. You obviously didn’t mind, if anything you were glad that you helped him make his amazing music in a way, but you didn’t know what to say about someone writing a song about you.

“You’re quite the muse Y/L/N” Matty smiled before walking towards the ‘Somebody Else’ sign and tapping the bars that held it up a few times.

“Did you actually like this one?” Matty asked and you could tell he was genuinely curious of your opinion. Just like he was with your reactions to the songs on the Self-Titled album.

“Yeah I loved it... You made me cry” You told him honestly.

Matty walked back towards you and offered you a sad smile, “I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologise, it’s amazing. I really really loved it. You’re very good and putting your feelings into words... I’m glad I’m friends with a lyrical genius” You smile at him.

Just as Matty was about to reply you heard your name being shouted by a familiar voice and then a body running to you and wrapping their arms around you. You looked down slightly and realised that it was Louis.

“Oh my god, hey!” You gasp feeling more excited than when you’d seen the boys.

When Louis let you go you asked each other how you were, and you were thankful he was doing great. You quickly fell into a conversation with him and Matty started to feel like he was third wheeling a conversation. But at the same time, he couldn’t stop smiling at you.

Your eyes flicked down and noticed Louis had a drink in his hand and your eyes went wide.

“Wait what are you drinking?” You questioned.

“A double vodka and coke” Louis told you like it was no big deal. But it definitely was to you.

“Oh my god! Does your Mum know?” You asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah she’s over there, she bought it me” He told you nodding towards where Denise was stood. 

You already couldn’t wait to chat to her.

“Oh my god. I’m gettin you drunk tonight” You grin before pulling him into you for a side hug.

“Finally” Louis grinned, but you frown at him.

“Wait, Matty hasn’t done that yet?” You said looking from him to his older brother.

When you were together Matty always said that he couldn’t wait until he was older to get him completely drunk. You actually couldn’t believe he still hadn’t done it.

“Not yet” Louis said whilst Matty shook his head before taking a sip of his own drink.

You guessed it was now your responsibly to get practically your little brother wasted.

“Well I’m gunna get you very drunk whether your brother likes it or not” You grinned.

“Well you can put them all on my tab. Fill your boots kid” Matty smiles and you grinned at Louis excited face.

“Just don’t share a bottle of vodka with anyone” He told Louis sternly.

“We don’t need it getting that messy at this party” Matty said looking up to you with a little knowing smile. 

God, it seemed like so long ago that you were sat in that bathtub with him drowning yourselves in that bottle of vodka.

You chuckled at what Matty said and nodded in agreement. You really didn’t want Louis to be getting up to that. In your mind he was still a cute and innocent 10-year-old child like he was when you first met him.

After that, the night moved on and you did get Louis quite drunk with Denise and Tim’s approval. You were doing shots every 10 minutes with him by the end of the night and he was definitely enjoying himself. But he was definitely going to have the worst hangover in the world the following day.

When it reached 2am you were feeling tipsy despite having loads of drinks. You should have been on the floor asleep like Louis practically was, but you felt okay. You felt like you could keep going another few hours.

“Y/N, you up for going out?” George asked you, waving you over to the circle of people that had congregated.

You walked towards the group and nodded your head, “Of course”. You smiled looking at the people around you. It was the boys, John, Jamie and their manager Jamie.

And you did all go out after saying goodbye to everyone and you had a really good night. Jamie Oborne left you all at about 3am, you could tell he only came out because the boys had forced him too and he didn’t want to say no. But it was nice to see him again after all these years, and he was still as lovely to you as ever.

You got on with the rest of the lads like you’d never left. So much so, that you were absolutely drinking them under the table and you probably put away more alcohol any of them by the time you were kindly asked to leave the bar.

John and Jamie said their goodbyes to you before they jumped in the closest taxi and then you were just left with your boys. “I don’t wanna go home yet” You whined in the empty street.

You wrapped your arms around Ross wanting one of his comforting hugs like you used to get all the time. His pulled you into his arms as the rest of the boys stood around you debating what to do next.

“Everywhere’s closed though Y/N/N” Ross pointed out as you hugged him. 

You whined closing your eyes. You just wanted more time with them.

“We could just go back to ours? I’m sure we’ve got bottles of stuff back there?” George suggests and you jump at the idea.

And that’s where you all ended up in Matty and George’s flat. It was a different one to the last time you’d been which you were sort of thankful for. You didn’t really want to think about that depressing time when you were having such a good one tonight.

You end up drinking in Matty and George’s flat for another hour or two and you all seemed to be having a great time. Even when the boys started slowly falling to sleep you were still having a great time because you still had someone to talk to.

Matty, of course, wasn’t tired and was still keeping you entertained with his chat. You missed seeing them all, so you were really glad you had the night out with them. You were really thankful that you’d been invited.

You were sat on the ground cross legged in front of Matty. The other boys’ snores from next to your ear hand it difficult to hear what Matty was saying to you moved. You’d been sat like that for 20 minutes before you realised that you needed another drink.

“Do you want another drink?” You asked Matty as you attempted to get up. Your head was now fuzzy, but you still knew what you wanted.

“Sure” Matty smiled.

“Sweet, can you help me up please” You asked him, reaching your arms out to him.

Matty chuckled and took your hands in his before holding them tightly before pulling on them. You then got up with ease and you grabbed both of your glasses.

Matty watched as you walked to the kitchen door and he saw you wobble your way into the room. He saw things going south so he decided he should probably be a good person and stop you from having another drink.

Matty got himself up and made his way over to you. He watched as you stood at the counter trying and failing to pour the vodka into the glasses.

A bit of it spilt over the side and Matty smiled at your attempts before he took the vodka bottle off you and put the lid back on it.

“Come on Y/N. You’re half asleep” Matty pointed out before you could ask why he took the vodka away.

Matty saw that your eyes kept dropping and he could just tell from your body language that you were tired. “Come on” Matty eased you out of the kitchen by taking your hand.

You practically fell into Matty when he pulled you out of the room which caused him to throw an arm around your shoulder so he could keep you up if he needed to.  

In your drunken and drowsy state, you leaned on Matty to get you into the correct room because you really couldn’t see straight. You felt him lead you through into a room and he made you sit down on what was a really comfy bed.

“Matty, I’m cold” You whine wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Oh god, not you cold” Matty joked but he said it with a smile.

You let out a little giggle at that and watched the long-haired boy in front of you twirl on the spot like he was looking for something.

“Here you go” Matty said picking up a black hoodie that was hung over a chair in his room.

“Thank you” You said already beginning to shiver.

Before Matty knew what you were doing, you took your shirt off over your head and you were sat on his bed with just your bra on your top half. Matty’s eyes widened before he turned away from you to give you some privacy.

He busier himself by routing through things on his desk until a minute passed and Matty looked at you and you were in his first album hoodie. He watched as you immediately climbed into his bed and lay yourself down.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N” Matty said as he grabbed a blanket from the floor and headed towards his bedroom door.

But before he got to the door, you called him, “Where are you going?”

“George’s room” Matty tells you, holding his blanket up to show you.

You shook your head at him. “No, I’m cold. Come warm me up like you used to” You whined.

“Y/N/N...” He started but you interrupted him.

“Don’t leave me cold, sad, and alone. Please” You pleaded.

Matty stopped at that and turned the light out. He shut the door and made his way around to the other side of his bed whilst asking, “Why are you sad?”

Your eyes adjusted to the darkness as Matty’s got under the covers and he put his arm around you. You turned toward him and hugged yourself to him and rested your head on his chest.

“I just miss you guys so much” You half whispered, feeling a lump in your throat. But Matty could still hear the sadness in your voice.

At that revelation Matty started rubbing your back to sooth you more than to bring you warmth. He didn’t really know what to say to that other than the obvious.

“We’re only a phone call away” He said as he pulled the covers up around the both of you some more and then continued to rub your back and your arm that now lay over his stomach.

“Yeah but you’re all busy and I never wanna bother you and I don’t wanna make things awkward more than it already is after everything. It’s just when I lost you, I lost them too and you know...It hurts a bit” You rambled holding back tears but Matty could hear your emotion in your voice.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I really am” Matty told you as he kept a hold of you.

“It’s okay” You whispered.

“No. It’s not, but I’m trying to be better. I promise. Screwing you over really fucked me up for a long while and I don’t wanna do that to anyone again” He said honestly, and he felt you take a fist full of the top that he still wore.

“I just want you to know that I’m actually sorry. Like really sorry” He expressed, and you could hear that he meant it.

“Thank you” You half choked out but the way you said it pained Matty. It hurt his heart to hear you upset again.

For a second you debate asking something that’s been on your mind since things ended between you. You didn’t really want to ask and bring it back up, but 2 years was a long time to wait for your answer.

“Can I ask you a question?” You asked him.

Matty nodded his head saying “‘Course you can”

“Was it just her or was there anyone else before?” You asked reluctantly.

It took Matty a second to realise what you were talking about until it clicked for him and his heart sank. You must have wanted to know the answer to that for years and you’d had to live not knowing.

“It was just her. I promise. I’m a dickhead, it shouldn’t have even happened the once. I am genuinely so sorry” Matty told you.

“Did I do anything wrong? Like did you do it because I wasn’t doing something right?” You asked, the lump in your throat making it difficult to get out.

“No” Matty admitted holding you slightly tighter. “God no… You were the best thing that ever could have happened to me Y/N. I was just a fucked up prick who couldn’t see what he was about to mess up. I genuinely hate myself for it”

He then felt you let out a shaky breath at that and his hand started rubbing your back more. He felt so guilty that he’d caused you this much pain that you obviously still felt over 2 years later.

You had never felt any relief like the one that just ran through you.

You took a second to collect your thoughts until you found the courage to say, “If it helps, I don’t hate you for it anymore”

“How - Why?” Matty asked finding it unbelievable. He didn’t understand how you could have forgiven him for it.

“If it hadn’t happened, I would have never found Tom again and you would have never got with Halsey and even though we aren’t with them now they both still made us happy”

Matty wanted to say that he thought that Tom made you a lot happier than Halsey made him. Not because she did anything wrong, just the fact that Matty was wasted and high all the time and it was another relationship that broke down because of his recreational activities.

Matty felt the urge to ask you about what happened with Tom, but he thought against it. That was a question for another day. So Matty turned the subject to something a bit lighter.

“Hey, you know if you miss us you can call us whenever you want, right? We miss you too. We miss everyone” Matty assures you with a sad smile on his face that you couldn’t see.

“Even Steve?” You questioned with a little laugh.

Matty chuckled, “Yeah but only a bit. He’s still an arsehole”

That made the both of you chuckle and after a minute you were both lay in silence. The only sound that could be heard was the both of you breathing and you felt quite peaceful.

You didn’t know whether that was down to Matty’s presence or the alcohol though.

You craned your head up to try and look if he was still awake and when you saw him move to look down at you, you got your answer.

“Thank you” You told him.

“It’s okay” Matty replied, not really understanding what you were thankful for completely, but he had a few ideas to choose from.

You lent forward and your lips found his for a few seconds. You felt his arms still for a second as the action must have surprised him slightly.

It was just a small and simple kiss. One of forgiveness and thanks for taking care of you. You’d missed him a lot the past few years and you’d finally got the apology and answers you’d so desperately wanted after such a long time.

You pulled away and you rested your head back on his chest. You listened to his heartbeat to try and lull yourself into sleep like you used to.

“Night Matty” You yawned as you closed your eyes.

Matty put his head back down on his pillow and started to rub your back again. “Goodnight Y/N/N” He whispered with a smile.

~*~*~*~

The feel of his lips grazing up your thigh makes you lightheaded as you once again felt the sensation of Matty being between your legs. The anticipation of what was to come had you gripping the bedsheets and your breathing was a little shaky.

Feeling his lips on your skin once again, felt amazing even when he teased you by ghosting over where you were aching for him and proceeding to carry on kissing up your body. His hands felt like they were everywhere at once, his body consumed yours in the best way. He knew what you liked so he repeated what he knew.

Matty pushed your hoodie up exposing more of your skin to him and you allowed him to take it off you. He hadn’t even done anything yet and your breathing was already ragged, and you were excited for the first time in a long time.

Matty pushed you back down onto the bed and the way he looked at you with those lustful eyes made you want him to take you there and then. But you knew Matty liked to drag things out and the way his eyes danced across your exposed chest you could tell he would take his time.

Matty lent forward and kissed your lips a few times before his lips started to trail down your body. Eventually, his lips attached to your chest and you couldn’t contain the moans that wanted to escape your lips anymore.

You weren’t even trying to keep the curly haired boy off you. You wanted him to carry on.

“Matty” You groaned trying to get his attention away from your chest. You wanted more than just his kisses.

It didn’t seem to be working so you repeated yourself, “Matt” and you knotted your fingers in his long curly hair and pulled on it.

Matty looked up into your eyes and by his look alone he made you nervous. Especially as he got closer to you. You hadn’t been with him for so long and the thought made you nervous.

In a good way though. You just hadn’t thought about him in that way for such a long time. Yet you wanted him like it was only yesterday you started seeing him.

“I’ve missed you” He said in a low husky voice that he knew drove you insane.

Between his kisses you managed to say, “I’ve missed this” which makes Matty groan.

Matty’s lips connected with yours and you moan at the contact, especially when his hand moves down between your legs and he starts pleasuring you like he used to.

You moaned into his kisses which were needy and rough, both of you getting exactly what you wanted from it. You felt lucky he could tell exactly what you wanted so when you were about to ask for more Matty curled his fingers inside you which caused you to moan loudly against his lips.

It dawned on you that you’d wanted this for a long time. You wanted him again, and nothing about this was something you’d ever regret. You really wanted him. You wanted Matty.

Just as things were about to escalate further, you were startled by the sound, “Y/N”

You opened your eyes to a very mundane setting with your heart beating rapidly. You looked around slightly and realised you were in Matty’s new bedroom and you were lay on his chest, the same way you’d fallen asleep probably only a matter of hours ago.

You looked up at him with wide shocked eyes. You couldn’t believe you’d just had a dream about him almost fucking you whilst lay in his arms.

“You okay?” Matty asked you.

You nodded clearing your throat, “Yeah”

Your heart was rapidly thudding in your chest and it took you a few deep breaths to calm yourself back down. You realised you had hold of a fistful of his top that he still wore, and you slowly let go of that as your breathing returned to a normal rate.

“Sorry, you were breathing dead heavy and it sounded like you were having a nightmare” Matty told you.

You rested your head back on his chest in your previous position before letting out a long breath.

“No, it’s okay. It was just a dream” You whisper already starting to fall back to sleep but Matty was now wide awake after that sentence.

He thought you were groaning and calling his name in your sleep because you were scared. A smile appeared on Matty’s face at the realisation that you were actually dreaming about him in a completely different way.

He chuckled silently to himself before he hugged you slightly closer to him. And Matty fell asleep with a smile on his face.

At least you still thought about him the same way he thought about you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @the-girl-before @dot-writes @lololovestaylor @murderousginger @peachquestions @siwiecola @nostalgic1975 @fairyyyfloss @theycallmenefi @colette2194 @maroonmolly @sexycleopatra @mrsprescott @fullmoonremus @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes @minigranger @bitcheswithbrokenhearts

[srnokedmirrors]

* . day to night , dark to light     fall the  s a n d s  o f  t i m e .

                         { ross lynch, twenty-one, trans male, he/him } Have you seen ZELD CYELN “CIEL” NOHANSEN walking around?  Little do they know, they’re the child of LINK & PRINCESS ZELDA from THE LEGEND OF ZELDA, and they HAVE TWO SIBLINGS ( one older, one younger ) .  I guess that explains why they’re so CHARMING & ARTISTIC and GUARDED & INSECURE.  They are a STREAMER. — penned by eve.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.

Hello hello again , folks !! It’s EVE and if you thought I went completely feral about Resident Evil earlier you are . . . sorely mistaken because now we are in Zelda territory and Zelda encompasses literally every fiber of my being. This OC is my most beloved ( despite the fact he’s an absolute prick ) and I have been itching to write him as a next-gen of Zelink , so VOILA , but just a few things !!

I love The Legend of Zelda . . . a lot. That’s the first thing. And my friends call me the Zelda lorekeeper since I know pretty much everything about the games like that back of my hand.

Another - as it’s always been a fact about his character , Ciel here is diagnosed with Type II Bipolar. Now , I want to clarify that I also am the same , and he was originally written as a comfort character to sorta see myself in a character I wrote ( and he became his own dude over the years. ) It’s not something that’ll pop up often , but I just wanted to let y’all know since I’m not gonna erase my own rep , I write from experience since I’m the same. 

TWS AHEAD : Manipulation , mental illness

I. THE PAST - DO YOU REMEMBER ??

The second of The Hero & The Princess - Prince Zeld Cyeln Nohansen , carrying on the traditional naming conventions to keep the name Zelda in the family with obvious corruptions. Your older brother could not - and AS WELL , you are the only child in the family that possesses the holy powers of the royal bloodline that your mother carries , as shown by the brand of the Triforce on the back of your right hand. And immediately , expectations are thrust upon your shoulders before you can even walk.

It’s because of your power that you , instead of the eldest , are to succeed the throne as the next king of Hyrule once you become of age , and although your mother vows to not treat you the same as your father treat her , she often reminds you that the beautiful , sunlight-bathed kingdom will be yours. 

So you grow. You grow & you adapt to the life of royalty , the CROWN PRINCE , and your relationship with your parents is better than most. While you’re significantly closer to your mother than your father , spending your days in the library with her & learning how to paint her visage , you also follow your father out to scope the kingdom on horseback. You grow up kind & gentle , the intelligence of your mother but the softness of your father , and it is well-known throughout the kingdom that you are DESTINED for good things.

It’s when you’re fourteen years old that you meet a boy.

A boy your age , a boy who smiles at you and you get fairies fluttering in your stomach. A boy who tells you that you’re pretty and by Nayru are you getting your first crush ?? 

Hm.

But you can’t see through the lies - that even though you’re young , manipulation knows no age and you are heartbroken to find that this boy leads you to a group of bandits that go on the attack and aim to STEAL the raw power you carry. After you’re tricked into bringing magical artifacts to their clutches , that is , that your family has gathered over the years - the goddess harp , the ocarina of time , and the cursed , wicked Majora’s Mask.

Your father sweeps into rescue you , and although you feel guilty , you aren’t berated for your mistakes. He only wants to know what happened , and if you’re alright , and you’re a sobbing mess but you tell your parents everything and they recognize that the evil forces that plagued them are NOW targeting their offspring. 

You are only fourteen. But the betrayal turns you cold , and you close yourself off , now hesitant to trust. And you learn that there are DANGEROUS forces out there who want to hurt & use you in the same way , hence why you use your mother’s old study connected to her old bedroom ( now currently yours ) and you begin to research , research , research. You look back on the legends of old , and start practicing the magic of not only your bloodline , but the taboo power of shadow - such as that of the TWILI , a project aiming to recreate the mirror. You also use the mask , hoping to tap into the wicked power it carries to turn it around. You train with the Sheikah , as Sheikah blood runs in your veins as well , to master the art of using the shadows & the unseen to your advantage. You become a teenager devoted to your work - a mad scientist & magician , and the whispers of a ‘ mad alchemist prince ’ sweep throughout the kingdom due to the rumors you can stay awake for DAYS working on one thing , before crashing and moving onto the next. 

But there is still pain - a loneliness & a hurt which you try to bury deep down , but it’ll still consume you to the point where you don’t know how to think clearly. You try and mask yourself best you can , but there is still a little boy , deep down , who only wishes to be loved and cared for and cherished by people his own age. Your work is your comfort but you are also learning to sink yourself in it to the point where it’s becoming a hindrance. 

One day , maybe , you’ll get what you want - and everything will be okay. But the world is currently at your throat , so . . . how long will that be ??

Your sixteenth year changes everything. The Crown Prince goes missing , and he is lost without the comfort of his parents.

And he awakens in another day , as a new being , with only his wit & his charm to carry on.

II. PRESENT - WHO ARE YOU , YOURSELF ??

Okay so IN A NUTSHELL Ciel is the crown prince of Hyrule due to the fact he’s essentially the ‘Zelda’ of his generation - the only child that carries the sacred power of the goddess Hylia , and this kid is incredibly smart and artistic but due to being manipulated by dark forces when he was young , he’s EXTREMELY insecure and lacks trust , instead trying to become as powerful as possible by any means possible so he isn’t hurt again since now he’s a target like his parents were.

HIS CHARACTER . . . is incredibly complex. It doesn’t change much with or without memories because even though he hasn’t experienced that same shit , those trust issues & insecurities are still well-embedded into him. The main difference is that he’s still smart , but not because of excessive research on Hyrulean magic & history & technology.

ON THE SURFACE , Ciel appears to be honestly very exuberant , quick-talking , and , to some , annoying. He’s a bit of a loudmouth , he seems harmless in the aspect that he isn’t downright mean or anything , he’s just . . . a nuisance. Charming in the aspect that he knows how to talk his way out of any situation since he has a MOUTH on him , but he knows how to use it. He overshares , it seems , but in turn , he’s actually not revealing anything about himself of any importance. He’s just keeping his cards to his chest but he doesn’t anyone to see so , so he places counterfeit cards on the table.

Ciel is always one step ahead , and the best way to be is to convince everyone else that you’re far behind. 

NOW ON THE INSIDE . . . Ciel is extremely caring & gentle. He cares a lot about the people he loves , but he’s hesitant to open up or trust other people given the fact he doesn’t want to be hurt , and he doesn’t want to make mistakes. He’s very observant & again , incredibly intelligent , knowing well how to read the atmosphere and pick out things that most don’t notice. He is insecure in the fact that he constantly thinks horribly of himself , and although he’s great at hiding it , it’s easy to get his feelings hurt. He hates that he has to keep on a mask since it makes him easily unlikable , but he thinks it’s the only way to stave off the most damage. But he’s a good kid & has a heart of gold , it’s just that . . . his heart has a few booboos on it. He CRAVES love & validation & affection but he’s afraid to ask for it or to take it since he’s gone down worse roads before by opening up to the wrong people.

He’s an artist - very talented in drawing & painting !! His apartment is littered with sketches & drawings and supplies and he would’ve gone to art school but money is tight and he doesn’t know he’s a prince in his actual reality so . . . yeah.

But his day job is that he’s a VERY popular video game streamer named Alchemyst , mainly doing let’s plays of adventure games & stuff with friends to get a good laugh. He also has a tendency to go on hilarious rants in a lot of his videos , resulting in MANY fanmade compilations & memes. He’s got a dedicated fanbase that he openly adores , and streaming also sorta helps him since he is a bit afraid of going into the outside world slightly. 

It’s funny , because as a streamer , he isn’t at all obnoxious or annoying - it’s the closest he gets to acting like himself , even if he has to act a little more EXTROVERTED than he actually is. 

THAT’S THE BASIS again , much more of a show than tell character but . . . Love him. I love him.

I DON’T have much ideas for wanted connections at this point aside from like . . . friends , exes , crushes , enemies , fans of his stream , etc. When I get more of a braincell I’ll put specific stuff down , but if it HELPS his fake life is shrouded in mystery bc Ciel doesn’t like talking about it ( aka , his fake past was p bad so he just prefers to act like he came out of fucking nowhere. )

But that’s it !! I’ll b responding to starters & calls soooon ~ ! I am ALL for plotting if u guys want , so just hit me up on here or Discord n I’ll respond as soon as I can !!

[therearemorethanfivenights]

Chapter 10 is up!

Getting back to the writing.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11674818/chapters/37276622

Or alternatively, read it under the cut -

"Now that we're alone, you wanna do adult things? Like taxes? Or scrabble?" Vincent asked. The parts and service room was colder than anywhere else. The only warmth came from a small heater they'd borrowed from Dawn's room. "Oh, how romantic, I thought you'd never ask" Mangle replied, giggling. The two of them were already aware that this is all they'd be talking about for a long time and were aware of how irritating they were going to be too. 

"Ok, but for the next few weeks, I'm not calling you anything except 'girlfriend'. Oh, and sighing constantly. When they ask if I'm sad, boom, I'm just thinking of you. We are driving these people crazy." He snickered at the thought. This was mostly just revenge for all the teasing. And of course, Mike acted in the same way about Amy, pulling her around like a new puppy. Everyone could tell even Mike and Amy were sick of themselves, but they'd kept going for the sake of annoyance. 

"Likewise, 'girlfriend'." Mangle teased, "Maybe we could do something productive. Like... clean this place up? It's kind of a mess..." She looked at all the various computer chips, nuts, bolts and tools spread across the floor, coupled with the large mound of bottles of beer and whiskey she'd collected over time. "Could always turn the trash into useful stuff. If we cleaned the bottles we could use them as decorations. Put little lights in them and stuff." Vincent said picking the little bits and bobs off the floor.

Meanwhile, Mike and Amy had headed over to the office. "Think we can snoop on Jeremy's internet history?" Amy asked, a smile forming on her face. Mike ignored her. He'd always been fond of mystery stories and cop shows. Finally, he was living in one, and he had a lead to follow. "Amy... be honest with me here... do you think I'm crazy for thinking that... maybe William didn't take suicide?" He asked her. She looked at the screen, waiting for the pages to load. 

"I know it sounds stupid, but maybe he faked his death to get off the grid? The one who found him was Henry, and he announced it to the public. No service, nothing. Nobody except Henry's family could say whether he was alive or dead... what if he's the killer? Revenge?" He busily began taking mental notes of all the details of the event. Nobody, of course, could prove him wrong or right, but it was better to have a semi-crazy theory than nothing, he thought. Amy thought about this. 

"It's possible. But Will sounded like a nice enough guy. I mean look at what the internet says. 'Described by company founder Henry Ross as a quiet and humorous individual. He was known by few, yet was more loved than any other employee, and will surely be missed." Doesn't sound like a psychopath, does it?" She said, highlighting the text to read it better. Mike didn't want to dismiss his idea, however. "Sociopath Amy, sociopath. It's unlikely he'd been crazy before. And all the stuff he'd been through... no man can deal with that much pain. Either he snaps and does something awful, or maybe, maybe he does some amazing heroic shit like start a charity or something to make themselves feel better."

“So what, you think the dead guy is behind all this?” She peered at the articles on the screen. “Well… I did some digging and… Michael… he isn’t actually…” Mike was struggling to form a sentence. He almost didn’t believe it himself. “Michael Afton is alive.” He said finally. He turned to his girlfriend as slowly as he could, hoping she would believe him. She just kept reading. “Uh… anyway…” He trailed off. Amy frowned. “But doesn’t that just put more holes in your theory?” She leaned back on the desk. This seemed logical. If Michael was indeed alive, and so was his father, then surely killing would be unnecessary. The dad could just get his son back, problem solved, right? 

“You’d think. Except that the only evidence about him being still in the hospital, ergo the only evidence for him being alive was a small blog piece someone wrote. Apparently, this dude is super invested in the franchise, he’s kept tabs on this kid from day one.” Mike shuddered. “So he posted something months ago about the kid possibly not making it anymore. As in: just before the first murder. If William is responsible, maybe he read that post.”

“That’s not that dumb now that I think about it. Still pretty crazy how they kept this kid in a coma for ten years,” Amy gave him a small congratulatory pat on the shoulder. “See? Even if it’s not Will, we might at least have a motive for whoever it is. Who knows? They might be doing it involuntarily.” He said triumphantly. “Wait, what do you mean by that? Involuntarily?” Mike quickly searched up more articles. 

“See like you remember how your dad was in the army? How he had PTSD for the longest time so if he heard something that sounded like gunfire he’d just drop for cover? No matter what was going on? Same thing. Just way more messed up. If the murderer was exacting revenge on the kids responsible for ‘killing’ that kid, he’ll be basically hardwired to react in the same way if he hears anything is threatening his life again.”

“So this guy just goes out and murders six kids again? Seems a little extreme.” Amy said. She thought about the way her dad had acted during the Fourth of July. “So that’s why it’s gotta be the dad, right? Nobody else would like that kid enough to murder other kids in his honor.” Mike nodded. It all made sense in theory. Unfortunately, neither of them knew a thing about tracking down dead people.

“Did it hurt?” BB was still sat by Marie, waving his hand through her body. He just had to be sure ghosts could really walk through walls. Toy Bonnie yanked his hair. “Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask people that!” He folded his arms and scowled at him. In truth, he also wanted to know, since robots never experienced anything like death. “BB, please get your grabbers out of my chest, it’s weird. Yes. It hurt a lot.” Marie grabbed BB’s arm and removed it from her insides. “How’d they do it?” He continued, rubbing his head from where T-Bone had hurt him. Marie sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She said, closing her eyes.

It was cold and dark. She felt it, burning, stinging, biting… it hurt and it hurt bad. Her knees wobbled. In front of her lay her baby brother. Little Alex Sanderson. Poor Alex. She took a step towards him.

“You can’t.”

She felt her knees crumble below her. She coughed as her lungs filled with blood. Another step.

“You can’t”

She collapsed in front of him. He was beaten and bruised, dead. Hours had passed, he had gone stiff. She took his hand.

“You can’t”

She knew she was dying. She knew from the moment she felt the rush of pain. She lay Alex on his side. She cried. She coughed. She felt something slide from her back. A large kitchen knife. “You can’t”

She took Alex’s hand and clutched her doll tight. She lay by him and waited for the pain to die away. Footsteps. They got closer. Paws, white and pink. They screamed but she couldn’t hear them. They tried to wake her but she was dreaming. Then they collapsed. They were dragged away. She closed her eyes.

“Marie? Hey! Puppet! Hey, wake up!” She jolted awake. “Marie dear, are you ok?” It was Chica’s voice. “What… Chi… Wha?” She was confused. She was lying in the middle of the dining hall floor. “Whoa now, easy, get up slowly.” Freddy. He had his hand behind her head. She looked at herself. Long spindly limbs, suit, buttons, she was in her body again. “What… what did you see?” She asked the huddle. 

She didn’t know how she got there, in the room, in her body. “I don’t think that matters.” She looked up to see Vincent. “Are you ok? He knelt to be at eye-level with her. She tried to sit up. “Ugh… no.” She murmured. “Where are BB and T-Bone? I think I’d like a nice polite word with them.” She growled. From behind the crowd, she heard whimpers. “Please Marie, don’t blame them. You passed out; they just wanted you to be safe.” Chica said. She had armfuls of what appeared to be rescue supplies: Food, water, a blanket, some painkillers from Dawns room and a box of daily hay fever pills. “What’s all that for?” The puppet asked, pointing at the items. Chica placed them in her lap. “I… didn’t know what to grab…” She said, watching her supplies tumble onto the floor.

“I’m going back to my box now.” The group began to whisper. Vincent grabbed her arm. “No, you’re not.” He said, pushing her back down. Chica sighed and grabbed the boxes and bottles. Marie grumbled. She seemed much bigger, trying her best to intimidate her friends into releasing her. “Oh? And who are you to try and stop me?” She hissed. But Vincent’s grip remained firm. “Your best friend, that’s who. I get that you’re stressed but this isn’t going to help. Don’t bottle all this up, we’re your family.” He sat down. 

Everyone slowly followed suit. It was rare that Marie looked anyone in the eyes, and now all eyes were on her. She lay back down again and held Freddy’s arm as it followed her head down. “I… I just want to sleep.” She said. She stared at the lights above her before closing her eyes once more.

“So this is the big secret you’ve both been keeping?” Attention had turned to Vincent. He let go of Marie’s arm. “Yes. Her name is Marie-Rose, a victim of our killer and a witness to… the bite,” he said, “and I figured that maybe letting her be might jog her memory faster than stressing her out.” Dawn and Mangle looked at each other and nodded before heading to parts and service. BB and Toy Bonnie had already scurried off to pirate’s cove and were hiding with Foxy, who wanted nothing to do with it. Toy Freddy sat at a nearby table. “Why though? Why keep it from us? It’s your job, we wouldn’t have intruded if you’d just told us why she-“ “Because she’s scared.” Vincent cut him off. “She trusts me.” “And why is that? What makes you so special?” Toy Freddy continued. Vincent took a deep breath.

“Marie came in almost every weekend. She hated everything. She wrecked stuff, got into trouble, anything she could think of to tear her parent’s eyes away from her brother. Alex. They stopped caring about her the minute he was born. During weekends and holidays, she’d hang out by the puppet box, pouring her secrets into it. Her anger, her fear, everything. The kind of stuff you’d scream into the abyss. Eventually, her parents found out where she was going and forced her to take Alex. Her space was gone. So I went and talked to her. I let her vent. She shared the kinda troubles you’d never expect a girl her age to have. I think it was… maybe a year in? She sent me presents on my birthday, started treating Alex so much better and to top it off every other time we spoke she called me ‘dad’ by mistake.”

Finally, Vincent slumped forward, a weight off his shoulders. He looked exhausted. “Were you?” Toychi asked. “Like, that’s… actually so sweet.” She smiled. Vincent sometimes was like a father to everyone around him, but Marie was the most obvious. He looked at the puppet. “Yeah, I guess I was.” 

He thought about that. Marie’s father, from what he could understand, was always too busy trying to calm her mother down or looking after Alex. She never called him dad once. So despite his better judgment, and the mere 10 years between them, he’d accepted his fate. “Made me feel old though.” He added, chuckling. Marie smiled. “You’ve been awake the whole time, haven’t you?” He sighed. She grinned. “You’re grounded.”

[be-the-sammy-to-my-dean-blog]

A city of wind

Title: A city of wind

Ship: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Mentions of rape/non-con, graphic sexual scenes, mild bondage, dom/sub dynamics, stockholm syndrome, physical abuse, graphic injuries, mentions eating disorders

Tags: dom/sub dynamics, ownership, strange sex positions

Summary: Sam meets Dean the powerful Mafia boss of Chicago.

Word Count: 4682

Created for: @spnkinkbingo and the Wincest Writing Challenge round 19

My partner was: @soaringthroughthesky

Prompt: Unusual Sex Positions/Threesome

Dean is a powerful mafia boss. Everyone in the city of Chicago fears him. He has been looking for a toy to keep at home. Someone for him to spoil and take care of. He sent out 2 of his men to find him a man with specific qualities. He wanted a tall man with dark hair and light eyes, younger than him, to be submissive... so submissive. They think they found one, Sam Wesson. Deans pov I looked down at the picture on my desk, he was what I wanted. Tall, thin, pretty, gay, comes from a fucked up life, never had more than 10 bucks to his name, and his job is a security guard for a jewelry store that sells fake diamonds. I should know, after a simple task of killing the owner's wife I wanted to be paid in diamonds. What I got were cheap crystals. Let's just say I let him off easy. I looked up at the two men in the room, and when I met their gaze, they looked down with respect. "Boys, berry, and Ryan. Please go get sam Wesson, don't scare the kid he will need to be drugged, and no harm should come to him if he shows up with so much as a scratch you both will be punished." They nodded in unison and Ryan spoke slowly. "What drug can we use?" I rolled my eyes and kinda laughed. "Just a mild sedative." Both men left, and I sat behind my desk and began to wait for my boy to show up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~time skip 4 hours~~~~~~~~~~~ I hear shuffling and then the sound of my office door opening. And then my boy was dumped onto the floor obviously unconscious. I looked down happily and then up to my men. "Fantastic job boys. The man at the steakhouse owes me one go get yourself a nice dinner." They both smiled and said a quick thank you and left. I looked at the man on the floor. And walked over to him and picked him up. He was surprisingly light. I walked him out of the office and into my bedroom. I laid him on the bed and pulled off his shirt and jeans. He was fat to skinny, his ribs showed, and he looked too pale. He was very poor before this. I dressed him in one of my shirts and then one of my sweats to make sure he was comfortable.he shifted in his sleep on cuddled up to a pillow and moaned and smiled smelling it. I stripped out of my silk suit and laid down next him and wrapped my arms around him. This is what I want. He snuggled into my arms and chest, and I smiled and leaned down and kissed the top of his head before drifting off to sleep myself. I woke up around 3 am and looked down to see my boy still fast asleep, the dose of sedative was small, but due to him being extremely underweight it probably packed more of a punch. I tried to move out of his grasp but a loud whimper escaped his mouth as he tried to cling to me, I watched as his eyes slowly opened and he groaned. He looked around the large, dark bedroom suddenly becoming panicked. He stood up but fell to the floor and pushed himself into a corner. He looked up at met my gaze. "Y-you're Mr.s-s-smith... I'm really sorry sir for whatever I did, I-i amp-poor I have nothing you would we want." He said as his eyes welled up. And his stomach growled. I sighed knowing this was going to happen. "Sam, my name is dean. I know what you have probably heard about me, and I want you to know all the murders, the robberies, the gangs in Chicago are all controlled by me. I'm not mad at you or want anything from you. I've had my men watch you for a while. I learned about you, you live off of food stamps, but they forgot to give you more, you live in a shitty little apartment that the rent is 5 months overdue, you obviously don't have enough money to eat, and you're gay, and your whole family is dead. I also learned that you really like me, Sammy, baby boy, I think you're the prettiest boy ever, and I want you to be mine. With me, you will never go hungry again never have to work again, say you're my boy, and anything you want is yours. I know it's a lot to take in and you may have your own room if you like but-" I was cut off by him practically throwing himself into my arms and clinging to me. He let out a loud sob, and I held him tight. He had failed to notice the 4 guards in my room that started above us not caring about what was happening. I looked up at one and spoke softly to not disturb Sam. "Get the chef to make my boy some food, call the doctor on the oak street he needs medication, and get someone to his apartment to get all of his things out." The guard nodded and walked out of my room ready to take care of everything. "Mr.s-Smith I'm s-sorry I am not respectful. I-I have an anxiety c-condition a-and I ran out of my m-medication a-and I need someone to hold onto r-right n-now." I pulled him up into my chest and smoothed his ruffled hair as he let go and just cried utterly overwhelmed. "Sam you're my boy now okay? I'm going to take good care of you. I want you to tell me when something is wrong and let it out, I'm going to spoil you and make sure you're well fed. And no more Mr. Smith. You can call me whatever you want baby boy, whatever you want." He nodded his head and sniffled as he calmed himself down. "Dean... c-can I call you d-daddy?" I felt my heart swell and knew this is what he wanted. "Sure thing baby boy, sure thing." He looked up when I said yes and smiled a small, lopsided smile. The chef knocked on the door and walked in carrying a tray of bacon, eggs, French toast, and syrup. Sam slowly pulled away from me and sat back up on my bed. I took the plate of food and waved the chef off. I walked the tray over to Sam and sat it down next to him, and his eyes widened in surprise. "I....I-is this a-all form-me?" He asked as his voice shook. I nodded and smiled once he began to eat quickly. Obviously starved. He finished everything in the tray and leaned back on the bed sighing happily. He yawned and crawled over to me and curled up in my lap. This boy is my life now. He soon fell asleep, and I called the doctor in who did some necessary tests. He told me he suffers from other mental illness he handed me his file and left me with his anxiety medication and some mild sleeping pills. I read through the file slowly and kept him sleeping in my arms. 4 failed suicide attempts. Self-harm scars on thighs wrists and stomach. Recovered anorexic. Co-dependent disorder. Separation anxiety. Severe trust issues. My poor baby boy. I thought to myself as he cuddled my chest. I laid down again and pulled the blankets up around us and held him close to my body as he slept.  He is so broken. But he seems to be warming up to me. This will be good; however, tomorrow I have to go kill a guy. It's personal. He beat my new boy up in an alley just 3 days ago. Pretty bad too, my boy didn't even fight back he just took it. He groaned in his sleep and pulled himself further into my arms. I protectively held him and fell back to sleep. When I woke up, it was because my boy was trying to quietly slip out of bed. I looked at him, and he looked at me. "What's wrong baby boy? Do you need something?" He shook his head and looked down at his feet. "W-where is the b-bathroom?" He said while his face turned a bright red. I chuckled and stood and kissed his cheek. I showed him the door, and he thanked me walked in and then walking back out 4 minutes later. He shuffled over to me and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, dean." I smiled and ran a hand through this hair. "No problem baby." I pulled him into a hug but abruptly stopped when he meat out a scream of pain.  I let go and looked at him. His eyes filled with tears again. I gingerly pulled him into a hug and heard one of my guards leave again to fetch a doctor. I slowly peeled his shirt off and gasped at the sight of black and blue ribs. I ran my fingers over the marks, and I grimaced when I felt broken ribs. "Who did this to you." I said my voice deadly and cold. "I ummm, ummm d-dean I-I'm sorry." I pulled my hands away from his body and looked directly into his eyes. "Who. Did. This." His eyes watered more. "M-my ex b-boyfriend. I-I'm sorry." I chuckled a deep laugh. He was going to die. "What is his name baby." I said a statement, not a question. "R-Ross." I ran the pass of my fingers over his ribs again and felt the breaks in his bones. "Why did he do this to you baby?" I asked my voice comforting and assertive. "H-he umm he s-said that I wasn't g-good enough and he d-drugged me, and I barely remember him stomping on m-my ribs." "Okay baby okay, I would never do anything like that to you. I have some anxiety medicine for you, and the doctor is coming to patch you up, and we will get you some pain medicine too. Does that sound good?" He nodded helplessly, and I picked him up. Walking him to my bed and placing him on the thick dark red blanket. He sprawled himself across the bed and groaned trying to find a comfortable position. The doctor walked back into the barely lit room. He now carried a black briefcase presumably full of drugs and other prescriptions. Sam was in a space between sleep and wakefulness. I pulled the doctor aside. "No sedatives, just do what you need to do with his ribs and a mild painkiller would be nice." I spoke my voice void of any emotion. A voice I would never use on sam. He walked to Sam and gently spoke directions at him. Sam obliged quickly and obediently. He sat up wincing as he did so and then pulled his shirt completely off. His beautiful body exposed. His chest was littered with small circular scars that resembled a cigarette, and now his perfect ribs covered in an ugly black and blue bruise. The doctor felt his ribs with gentle hands and then walked back to me. "I'm going to tape his ribs. Make sure he gets plenty of rest and takes these painkillers. Now he can take them on an empty stomach, and he has to take them 2 times a day. He will make a full recovery Mr.smith." I nodded not allowing any of my relief show on my face. Instead, I walked over to Sam and sat on the bed near him. "Hey baby, this doctor is going to tape your ribs up okay? It's going to hurt a little, but I'll be right here." I spoke in a soft voice. Sam nodded and reached out a tentative hand. "Hold my hand?" I pulled his hand to my face and kissed his knuckles. The doctor was fast and productive with his work. Sam squeezed my hand through the whole time. The doctor left in haste and Sam sighed. I pulled the drapes apart to let the early light through the window. The room now lit up made Sam shiver, and I could see why. The walls were a deep red that matched the bed sheets. On one wall a picture of my mother hung, and on the other, an armada of weapons stood on display, my personal favorites were there. Then on the wall with a window picture after picture of people who have helped me stood, proud. A constant reminder that I got here with help. Sam's eyes darted to the four guards. Each easily over 6 2' and easily over two hundred pounds. They all wore the usual expressionless faces. They all had open carry pistols on thigh holsters, and each was holding a rifle in their hands. All were dressed in black suits as well. It was quite a scene. Sam squeaked and whimpered at the sight of it all. I waved my hand in the direction of the guards, and they all left. Each leaving through the white French doors with gold handles. They all stood on the other side ready for an intruder. Sam I looked around the now empty room. I now got to look at Dean, I don't remember much of last night only that I had been taken from my cold apartment and dropped into the waiting arms of a handsome man. I'm not sure what I'd said, however, all I know is that I was being held by dean. I looked at him now, green eyes and pretty freckles. He kept an alpha like stance. Did I mention I was not only dirt fucking poor but also flaming gay? Yeah, that too. I can take a lot I've been raped around 7 times within the past few months. All men. Dean didn't seem like he would do that though. I hadn't noticed the tears that streaked down my face until dean was wiping the tears off my face with the pads of his fingers. "Shhh, Sam," Dean said while pulling my head to his chest and petting my hair and massaging the scalp. My anxiety was a bitch. It always made me feel like I was helpless. But right now I wanted to do was cling to the attractive alpha who was holding me. "Dean, dean I wanna talk," I said through the shake in my voice. He stopped hugging me and. Dropped to sit next to me on the bed. He slid an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his lap. "Yes, baby?" He asked quietly in my ear. "Keep me safe," I said so low I was surprised he heard it. He suddenly jumped up, walking to stand in front of me and pulling his sleeve up to reveal a gold cuff with an M carved into it. "Anyone who is part of my family wears one of these. Anyone outside of my family knows not to touch anyone with these. When I'm with you-you are always safe. You're mine." I reached out and ran my fingers of the warm metal on his bicep. Freckles were even littered down to his elbow. It was a thick band with a lock on the back that I presumed dean had a key too. "I have one for you, with an M on it. Anyone who sees it knows you're a direct belonging to me. This way you can go anywhere, and none will hurt you. Ever." He spoke before clipping a gold band onto my arm and locking it with a key that was hung over his neck. "I'm yours now. Really. Owned. DeanI said while looking at the band. A possessive growl escaped dean. "My fucking boy. Fucking mine. No one else's." He said with a hiss. There is something oddly reassuring about someone being so possessive over you. He ran his fingers over my ribs once again, his face twisting in anger. "I have to tell you something Dean," I said while looking at the ground. "Yes," Dean said while placing a hand on my own clasped ones. "I've... I've been raped. 7 times in the last month. Alleyways, my apartment, and even my job. I tried to fight them off. I did alpha." I said while more tears streamed down my face. Dean stifled an angry yell but pushed his forehead against mine and nodded. Understanding me. "That doesn't change a thing sam, you're mine. What happened to you wasn't your fault, I want you here anyway. I need you here Sam." I nestled myself into his chest, not wanting to be anywhere else. I breathed in, he smelled like spices and whiskey and a scent of something that was sweet. Like perfume, but not, it was just him. I quickly realized that he was shirtless. His perfect abs and beautiful body pressed against my own gross one. How could he possibly be attracted to me? Ever. I'm boney, and he's muscled. He has a beautiful face and mine is sharp in all the wrong places. Yet he still holds me in his arms like I am everything. I rested my cheek against his muscles chest and sighed happily. "Sam" Dean spoke. "Dean," I responded in a half daze. "We need to go over rules while you will be living with me. There just here to keep you safe, and for you to feel protected. Not in any way for me to hurt you. Okay?" Dean mumbled while resting his chin on the top of my head. "What are they?" I asked while closing my eyes slightly. The warmth and safety I was feeling just by being in the presence of dean made me happily sleepy. My arms hung lazily around deans muscled middle and my leg as were splayed around his hips. My half hard length resting against his lower belly. And my head rested against his chest. Deans arms, however, were possessively wrapped around my bare back. "Okay baby. The first and most important rule is to tell me when you feel sad or upset, tell me how you feel when I ask baby boy. The second rule is to tell me when you want to go anywhere and if you want me to go with, and don't lie I wanna make you happy. The third rule is that you remain loyal to me, and only me and when you are ready we will mate, and you will become mine. Those are the only rules sweetheart." Dean spoke in a whiskey-smooth voice while running his fingers through my hair. "Yes dear," I spoke, "I will follow those rules." I settled into dean's arms when suddenly I felt a familiar pain in my lower stomach. Oh god, I guess that after months of being alone I wanted someone. Now. I wanted dean, I knew we wanted me too. I couldn't bring myself to care at this moment because of how safe I felt. But within moments the pain began to hit me like a truck. And I let a long pornographic moan slip from my lips. Dean responded immediately. Deans cock was high and hard within seconds, but he remained still not wanting to do anything until I let him. "Sam-omega..fucken hell. Do you want me to mate you? My gorgeous, beautiful boy." Dean moaned while aggressively nuzzling my hair. My mind was foggy now, just the mere scent of a dean gave me a high, and sitting on his rigid cock pushed me close to the edge. "Dean- I I need you. I want you deep inside me... please I need you, I need this." I said before another embarrassingly loud. Moan. Fuck I wanted him. I wanted him bad. "Sam... ugh sam. Do you really want this?" Dean struggled to faint eh composure to speak. "Yes. Fuck dean. Yes!" I moaned. And ground down on his lap. This feeling was overwhelming. I had never felt like this. Never felt pure want, never felt pure lust. I guess it was because of dean, anyone who saw the man would feel the same. "I have rules when it comes to fucking," Dean spoke while dragging a heavy hand over my thighs. "Yes. What?" I said impatiently while rubbing on his lap. "If you're okay with it. I love tying my bitches down. I love getting you down. To The point where you're mine. And that's it. Remember this area is safe, no one will do anything you don't want. This is all for you. For you to feel good. For you to feel better. I want you to feel fucking safe." Dean finished while rubbing my thighs. "Just get fucking started," I said while looking wantonly into dean's lap. Deans pov I let a growl escape my mouth as I pulled sam over to the next room. I held him bridal style and walked him to the equally large room. This room was my favorite. The room was a deep red similar to my bedroom. On the walls were elegant red curtains and maroon carpets, then there were the toys, the walls were lined with dildos of all sizes. Plastic, silicone, glass, crystal, and even some casts of my cock. Then there was the furniture. If you can even call it that. Cages, couches and a stretcher with leather straps on it. And my personal favorite the fucking bench. It was black leather with straps and had armrests in the front and knee pads as well. But seeing that Sam was pretty new to this, I'm going to keep it simple. But, I know this boy can bend, he's flexible, stunning and everything I've wanted in a bitch. He's hurt I know that, broken ribs and a broken mind. Which is why I've decided to neglect my toys and fun furniture. "Get over here," I said as Sam stood and looked around at the toys in awe. He trotted over to me and practically jumped into my open arms and wrapped his legs around my waist. I dropped him on the bed in the corner. Yes, I don't fuck on my bed, cuddling is fine but fucking a bitch on my bed just doesn't seem sanitary. I care about this one a lot. I want to keep him, and he's never going back to that dark ass hole he called a life. This bed was different, it was stirrups hanging from the ceiling that sam could put his feet into if he wanted. But today I'm thinking of gently stretching him. I want to have him in my lap, but his legs up in the stirrups and his face against my chest. Yeah, I got a bit of a kink for difficult positions. I pulled sams sweats off and his shirt off revealing his taped ribs and thin stature. I pulled my sleep pant off as well as my briefs. I looked at Sam who had the most dilated pupils I have ever seen. He looked at me the way a dog would look at a treat, the way a prisoner would look if he thought of freedom. He looked at me like he wanted me. "Off," I said while lightly tugging on his boxers. He eagerly pulled them off revealing his large leaking cock. He turned 6 shades of red when he saw me staring hungrily at his body. "What?" he said with a small giggle as he tried to use his hands to cover his dick. "you're stunning." I breathed out before grabbing sam and tossing him effortlessly onto the bed. I walked to him and stroked my dick with one hand while I did the same to him. He moaned gorgeously and spread his legs wider. I tugged the stirrups down from the ceiling and looked into sams still heavily lidded eyes. "You put your legs in here. And then you face me and hold onto my shoulders. Your safe word is Impala. Understand?" I instructed while he nodded eagerly. Sam put his feet in the stirrups and sat on my lap, I groaned at his weight on my already throbbing cock. His rested his head on my shoulder and held my shoulders like he had done this a million times. "You want me to prep you or do you want the pain?" I asked while nuzzling into his neck. "Pain," he responded while trying to move his hips on my lap. I moaned and pulled a condom onto my cock and slid in. He let out a hiss of pain, but it soon turned into a moan. His legs on either side of me high in the air with his arms wrapped tightly around me I almost burst looking at him all spread out like this for me. I was on my knees as I started to thrust slowly into his tight hot sex. I started slowly as Sam kept trying to move his legs. "Don't try to move your legs. That's the point of them." I said while looking at his stunning flushed face. I thrust in again deeper this time, and a long moan from sam filled the air. I moved back and groaned in ecstasy at the pure pleasure I was getting. The dark lights in the room complemented his stunning face and body. I moved again then again and began to get a rhythm. I moved back and forth bouncing on my knees. Sam gripped my shoulders harder and drew blood with his blunt nails causing a growl to fall from my lips. "So fucking hot Sam," I whispered into his ear as I continued to move in and out of his tight fluttering hole. "Faster. Faster dean. Fucking give it to me. I wanna feel full, I wanna be full of you, fuck me harder!" He cried out. That was one thing I did not expect from him, I knew he had a dark side but not a deep dark hot mouth like that. I obliged and began to move faster. In and out as his legs bumped up and down in the stirrups. His head pressed firmly against my chest. I continued to move and felt the pain in my lower stomach grow. I want to go to last. I reached in between our bodies and started to pull on his cock in long strokes, his eyes rolled back into his head. A long high pitched moan escaped him, and I did so, and this he clenched as he spurts long white ropes onto his own chest and mine. his hole fluttered as I thrust up and down with no rhythm now and felt him clench as hard as he could, I came hard. Harder than I ever have in my whole life. I saw stars as I moan and shoved my face further into his neck. I pulled out and removed his thin legs from the stirrups and smiled at how pretty he looked now, all fucked out and stunning. He laid on the bed with a smile on his face and his legs still spread wide. I pulled my condom off and painted into the now damp air. I picked his fragile body up[ off the bed. "Are you okay sam? Did I hurt you?" I asked mildly concerned I hurt him when I lost my control towards the end. "That's the best I've ever had." he laughed, and I smiled. "What'd you think about the stirrups?" I asked for a smalls mile. "Interesting, I think my knees are shot for the next few days though," he said with a smile while he pushed himself further into my chest. I chuckled lowly and held him tighter. "shower?" I asked. "Shower." Sam agreed -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No one thought there could be a love story like Harley Quinn and joker in real life. That was until the city of Chicago met the boss' boy Sam. The most protected boy in the city. Deans pride and joy. His boy. Sam and Dean are the powerful mafia bosses of the city of Chicago. Everyone fears them. And no one dared mess with the baby of Dean Smith.

[possessedcoast]

I follow Pathetic at the disco, and was wondering if you had the proof where they’ve do e problematic things? I’ve only been following them for a bit and I haven’t seen anything to terrible. (Isn’t hate or anything just curious)

sure! i don’t really mean to hate on anyone or cause more drama, but some of the things they do really bother me. this got a little long and a lot bitter, so i’m sorry i couldn’t write this without any bias. this will be under a cut in case others would rather not read it. and if you want more clarification or a full, fleshed out post, just ask. 

- we can start with them using psychopath in one of their urls. it’s not a word that should be used casually or to refer to people who aren’t diagnosed as a psychopath. they admitted that they were just using the word because it would give them a memorable url. and because “The title was just too good to pass up”

- they say that  “Brendon is out as at least somewhat bisexual (even if he tries to back pedal on it a lot)“ even though he continually refers to himself as straight. (this isn’t great, it’s not terrible, but it connects to the next point) EDIT: please note that all of this was before brendon came out as pan. he now identifies as pansexual, so that’s that.

-they refuse to consider that ryan is anything other than Completely Straight™ and blocked both me and @badbradwalker for trying to share our opinions. they say they’re “letting ryan himself set the narrative” but they also don’t believe brendon when he says he’s straight? okay. they also refused to post any of the “proof” that they asked for about ryan and dan being a couple. proof that is publicly visible on either dan or ryan’s instagrams without having to do any ~~deep analysis~~ 

- they deeply analyze ryan’s personal life and mental health, which honestly just makes me uncomfortable. i know that i personally believe in ryan having relationships with men, which is about his personal life, but i don’t go digging to find proof or just read into things. the mods deeply analyze every little bit of his life, even going so far as to make assumptions about his mental health based on his instagram. (that’s at the end of this post) 

-in the same vein as the last point, they like to make assumptions and then present it as fact. unless they personally know ryan, which would make me even more uncomfortable, they make a lot of assumptions about his personal life. saying that he’s not collaborating with friends on new music (we have no idea), saying he’s “a very troubled artist,” saying his behavior was “erratic” as if they know what he’s like personally, 

-they keep bringing up the chelsey/stalker issue and not letting it die. yes chelsey is/was messed up. yes, it would be best if she was off the internet. but her being active on youtube and instagram is not a new thing. she’s not hacking accounts/pretending to be anyone/going to anyone’s houses. she’s just being a fan online. i don’t forgive her for what she did and i don’t think she’s a good person, but we need to move past it as a fan community. she thrives off of the attention and it would be better for everyone if they stopped giving her so much.

-they post “rare” pictures without ryan’s express permission. this one isn’t that bad, because someone else did post them first, but the point remains. ryan probably doesn’t even know that there are pictures out there of him as a baby and with his dad. i don’t want to assume ryan’s feelings, but he seems to be a private person, esp post 2013, so i can’t imagine he would be thrilled for those to be seen by the entire internet. his dad put them in his yearbook, yes, but i’m certain ryan didn’t know or thing that the entire internet would see them when his dad decided to put them in the book.

-they have a whole “leave ryan ross alone” ~campaign~ they’re trying to make a thing, but then they don’t leave ryan alone. they make those super detailed, super researched analyses of everything about ryan, and then try to tell people to leave him alone. like in that post they say “Let him redefine himself as he sees fit, even if it’s not what you want personally.“ but uhhhh they refuse to accept that he’s not straight?

-it also made me really uncomfortable that they shared pictures of ryan when he was wasted at that phases show back in 2015. (i’m not linking that. i will not take part in spreading those) i don’t have a screenshot or a link, but i remember z asking people on twitter to not spread those because ryan regretted that night and was embarrassed. for “leave ryan alone,” they had no problem searching for and sharing those pictures.

finally, a few nit-picky things that aren’t really big deals, but while i’m here! might as well!

 -they hate on throam a lot. it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, some people take it too seriously. whatever. it’s a good piece of literature regardless of your feelings on ryden, and it means a lot to a lot of people. there’s no reason to be so hateful about it.

-they take everything so seriously. …and then they make analyses about it! like, no one actually believes anything happened in cape town. it’s a running joke to be like “WHAT HAPPENED IN CAPE TOWN” because it was the last show panic ever did before ry and jon left. and they act like they’re running a professional blog, calling themselves Mods C, B, and M instead of using names. it makes me tired. most things are just not that deep.

-honestly this is the most shallow of points and it’s just me being petty at this point, but i’m annoyed so. they caption so many pictures of panic with “Another day, another inexplicable Panic! at the Disco photo shoot.“ when half of them are easily explainable (the magazine says “hanging out backstage” so that’s what they’re doing, they’re posing with a honda civic because IT’S THE HONDA CIVIC TOUR) or it was the early 2000s and all band photoshoots were weird. just look at fall out boy, mcr, basically any band during that time. let it go.

sorry this got so long and bitter. feel free to ask me or lex ( @badbradwalker ) about any of it. she helped a lot on this too.

EDIT: i’ve spoken with carrie about all of this multiple times. we’re over all of it, but i’m leaving this up for transparency’s sake. i still stand by everything i said, but i’m too tired and too old to deal with any of this bullshit. treat ryan with respect. fuck brendon urie

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

on the 3rd day of 🎄, canyousevmyheavydirtysoul gave to you...

Singing with Panic! at the Disco.

Dallon:

Snuggled underneath a thick blanket on the sofa, you flicked through the pages of your magazine, occasionally taking sips from the mug you held in your hand.

The distinctive sound of music playing and the unmistakeable sound of your boyfriend’s voice drew your attention away from the words on the page, and you scrunched your face up.

“ALLLLL I WAANNTT FORR CHRISSTMASSS ISSS YOOOU-!”

Lowering the magazine from your face, you peeked over the top, raising an eyebrow in amusement as Dallon obnoxiously danced around the room.

“Are you singing Mariah Carey?” you smirked, carefully setting the mug down on the coffee table.

“Or My Chemical Romance,” he shrugged, continuing to dance, “Whichever you prefer.”

“I think I prefer Dallon Weekes,” you giggled, closing the magazine and putting it down next to you as you continued to laugh as your boyfriend sang his heart out.

“I WON’T MAKE A LIST AND SEND IT TO THE NORTH POLE FOR SAINT NICK,” he sang, running around the sofa where you sat before stopping and pointing at you, “(Y/N), sing!”

You bit your lip as you tried your hardest not to break, but with the way he was wiggling around to the music and smiling expectantly at you, you couldn’t resist the urge.

“’CAUSE I JUST WANT YOU HERE TONIGHT.”

“HOLDING ONTO ME SO TIGHT.”

“WHAT MORE CAN I DO?”

“BABY, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU,” you sang in unison as Dallon pulled you up onto your feet and began spinning you around, your laughter filling the air, “YOUUUUU, BABY!”

Dallon continued singing while swaying you around to the music, as you tried to regain your breath through the fit of giggles erupting from your throat.

“YOOOOOOUUUUUU!” Dallon closed his eyes and pressed one finger to his ear, trying to hit that one high note as you covered your mouth, eyes wide as you laughed.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?” Brendon’s voice filtered down from the guest room upstairs, “IT’S 6AM.”

“What’s wrong, Bren?” Dallon retorted, “Scared of a little competition?”

“Not a fucking chance. I’m the lead singer for a reason. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  You and Dallon shared a laugh before Brendon added, “And just by the way – your G5 is way off key, dipshit!”

Ryan:

“How about some music?” (Y/B/F) asked, crossing over to the speaker system on the opposite side of the room.

“Yeah, sure,” you grumbled, not really paying attention to your friend as she shuffled through some Christmas songs, eventually settling on ‘Silent Night’ as a starter.

(Y/B/F) sighed as she made her way to you, smiling sympathetically as she plopped down on the seat. “Look, babe, I know that this is the first Christmas since you guys broke up, but I really don’t think that sulking around is the right way to handle it. I mean, this is your favourite time of year, remember?”

Groaning, you let your head fall back over the armrest. “I know, I know. I don’t wanna be sulky, alright? It’s just that…” you shook your head, and (Y/B/F) grabbed your hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“I get it. Christmas was always an important part of your relationship,” she stated in understanding, and you nodded solemnly. You were both quiet for a moment before she piped up again. “Hey, let’s make a deal. We’ll spend the entire time doing things that’ll get your mind off of him. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, we’ll watch movies, drink,” she held up the red wine in her hand and you scoffed, “and there shall be no reference to Ryan Ross. At all.”

Right at that precise moment, by Murphy’s Law, ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ – your and Ryan’s Christmas song – started playing over the speaker.

“Son of a bitch,” (Y/B/F) cursed under her breath, starting to get up and change the song, but you stopped her.

“No. Just let it play.”

“Are you sure?” she frowned at you, and you nodded. “Okay, then.”

The two of you listened in silence as the first two verses passed; it was only at the beginning of the third verse that you perked up.

“Do you hear that?” you asked, moving from the sofa to the window, gasping once you looked out. “Oh my god,” you said softly, pulling open the sliding door and walking out onto the balcony, glancing down at Ryan in disbelief.

He was singing along to the song, pouring his heart and soul into the lyrics as he gazed up at you with a look of pure love while the snow fell all around him.

When the song ended, you smiled down at him, and he looked earnestly at you. “(Y/N), I-“

You silenced him by holding up your hand. “Before you say anything, come in. It’s cold outside.”

Brendon:

Dropping your pen in annoyance, you tilted you head up to the sky and balled your fists up in frustration. Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths, you tried to block out the noise filtering into your apartment through the super thin walls.

You had a thesis to finish for Friday, which you were nowhere near done with and it was near impossible to do any work on it while the annoyingly beautiful voice belonging to your new next-door neighbour continued singing every dreadful Christmas carol under the sun. It was bearable for the first couple of days, but now, three weeks later, you were close to losing your sanity.

Pushing out from the desk, you angrily stomped across the room to the opposite wall and proceeded to bang your fist against it.

“Look, I know it’s almost Christmas and all, but for the love of all things holy, please – for just one day – shut up!”

There was silence from the other apartment for a minute, before the singing resumed at – so it seemed – a much higher volume than it had previously been at.

Banging your fist against the wall with extra force one last time, you spun around and gathered your things from the desk, tossing it into a backpack before heading out the door.

Cursing under your breath, you made your way out of your apartment building and towards the library; you’d deal with your stupidly inconsiderate neighbour later.

~

After your last class on Friday, you’d gone down to the local record store and bought the most un-Christmassy album you could find, which you were currently putting into your CD player. Your stupid neighbour was singing his stupid carols as usual, and you rolled your eyes.

As soon as the first song began to play, you smirked, turning it all the way up.

Two can play at this game.

The lead singer began to sing, and you joined in soon after, belting out at the top of your lungs.

“SIT TIGHT, I’M GONNA NEED YOU TO KEEP TIME

C’MON, JUST SNAP, SNAP, SNAP YOUR FINGERS FOR ME

GOOD, GOOD, NOW WE’RE MAKING SOME PROGRESS

COME ON JUST TAP, TAP, TAP YOUR TOES TO THE BEAT”

The carols from next door had ceased, and now all that was coming from there was silence.

Until the chorus started.

“SWEAR TO SHAKE IT UP, AND YOU SWEAR TO LISTEN

OH, WE’RE STILL SO YOUNG, DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION”

You stopped singing and your face fell as you stood still, listening to the voice on the other end of the wall continue the song.

Hurriedly, you moved to cut the music, and you heard a laugh sounding through the wall. Not too long later, there was a knock on the door.

With your heart beating faster, you opened the door to reveal the source of the voice, and you mentally facepalmed yourself for not recognising it earlier.

“Ya know, I never woulda pegged you as a fan. Hi, I’m Brendon Urie.”

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

[lovelyirony]

hi i love science bros

i feel like there’s not enough science bros stuff on here so i decided to make some head canons for this travesty

Tony always gets him stupid organic crap from the store only to find out that Bruce really likes all the crappy junk food you can get from any gas station (”Y-you like...funyons?” Tony asks, completely scandalized. “How dare you!” Bruce just shrugs, eating the disgusting snack. “They helped me with a breakthrough in the study of applied physics to gamma radiation. They’re cool.” “Bruce, no.”) 

Bruce, despite what Tony says, knows that he’s a total nerd who would make a slide show of possible inventions from sci-fi shows to invent and use. They do things like this on slow weekends, with reason. (They did not make a transportation device like that found in Star Trek. They attempted it. The carrot did not make it back in one piece. They found out that it landed in the Pentagon. Tony suggested they go through with it anyway.) 

They both buy things for the other that they think is funny. “You did not get me custom pajamas that have embroidery of the Hulk fists on them,” Bruce says, horrified. 

“If you return them, you’re gonna waste about two thousand dollars. That was custom designer work.” 

“Tony, oh my god, stop it.” 

“This is payback for the Iron Man suitcases.” Bruce laughs; the suitcases were child-sized, and could only hold, at most, three shirts. Bruce bought three. 

They talk on a balcony when things get too quiet. Bruce tells him that he remembers more than he ever lets on; the screams, the cries, and what people whisper behind his back. How it’s almost always been like that, and he’s not sure why he isn’t used to it by now. Tony tells him how sometimes he gets anxiety attacks and dammit, he’s never known why. He shouldn’t be having them, he’s strong. They talk through issues. Research mental health issues and make stupid puns off their Avenger titles. 

“what’s big, green, and ugly?” Tony asks. 

“Me?” Bruce asks. 

“Nah, you’re big, green, and stunning. That stupid jar of green tea you keep on the kitchen counter. It’s disgusting, put it away.” 

“Tony, you literally love green tea.” 

“No I do not, shut up. There is no proof.” Bruce sighs. 

“Jarvis, bring up file thirty-six-b-banner.” There is Tony making green tea. “See?” 

“Jarvis, delete that file.” Bruce laughs. 

Tony doesn’t allow for self-deprecating comments. After another Ross statement and Bruce spiralling into a mood of self-hatred, Tony helps as best he can. He makes tea and refuses to acknowledge it. He lists off accomplishments and victories of the Hulk and Bruce Banner. 

Bruce does the same thing. When Tony makes a wry comment, Bruce casually compliments him, or asks him about the earth-shattering technological invention that even Thor admitted was getting to be on par with their technology. “See? You’re awesome,” Bruce says. “Now get in the car, we’re going for tacos.” 

Tony is always careful about what they have in the fridge: a self-pronounced vegetarian, Bruce is extremely cautious about what he eats. Including Hulk’s caloric intake, Tony has to invent an entirely new protein bar to keep up with the insane amount of calories burned. (”How did you even survive?” Tony asks, doing the math. Bruce gives a wry smile. “A little birdie once told me that it was for a reason.” It shouldn’t be said, but Tony smiles for two hours afterwards.) 

They’re good friends, and they like each other a lot. 

[theteenagetrickster]

Job Interview: Producer Troy Taylor consults Mayor of R&B, Career-Defining Songs, Whitney Houston & Extra

Three-time Grammy Award-winning Songwriter, Report Developer & Vocal Arranger TROY TAYLOR that commemorates 30 years in the popular music field this year has teamed up with everyone fromBoyz II Men, Brian McKnight ,Tyrese,Whitney Houston, Lionel Richie , Aretha Franklin,

Mary J. Blige,

The O'Jays, Patti LaBelle, Toni Braxton , Trey Songz to Jacquees to call a couple of

. I overtook the hit-making tremendously developer to review the experience, his advocate Mayor of R&B, career-defining tracks, Whitney

Houston & even more ... TERRANCE: This year notes your three decades in the popular music industry. What has the quest felt like hence far? TROY TAYLOR:&It's been actually interesting I would certainly point out in a feeling. I went by means of a separation when I was forty and also I must additionally make that Trey Songz Ready album in the method of going

with that divorce, to ensure that was actually one of the most difficult aspect of it. I began as a partner in a developer duo gotten in touch with The Characters. In 2002, I ventured off by on my own and also started a manufacturing firm,Songbook Amusement.

It is actually been testing but because I enjoyed it so a lot, I've found out how to adapt to transform with the moments. TERRANCE: You have actually an initiative gotten in touch with Mayor of R&B. Speak about that and also the goal. TROY TAYLOR: So I developed this Mayor for R&B as a campaign to dedicate my encounter, my love for music, my affection for R&B to devoting it back to plans, arrangements, bridges. All the traits our company do not listen to in songs today, thus when I place it as a campaign, it just simply suggests dedicating on my own to this age group to reveal them the market value of these changes that creates R&B have the sense that we understand it to become. TERRANCE: What was your innovative involvement in K. Michelle's latest cd,

All Monsters Are Actually Human!.?.!? TROY TAYLOR: Well, some years back I made some of her Gold single people contacted"Can not Elevate A Guy "however ever since, it's resembled one of those points that, K. Michelle recognize that there's certainly not as well many individuals than may control her as well as pull the most ideal away from her without her intimidating all of them off therefore I'm none of those individuals she scares off simply or even in any way. It enables me to pull the very best out of her as well as so she often tends to finish up calling me since she knows I would certainly be able to obtain the most effective out of her.

TERRANCE: Talk about the brand new Dru Mountain single you produced gotten in touch with "What You Need". TROY TAYLOR: So I really Executive Produced the entire cd as well as our experts have a lot of incredible songs

."What You Need"is actually a tune that they experienced would be actually a good tune to start off along with simply off of it possessing the initial Dru Hill type consistency and also audio and it is actually a great track to blend in along with their extremely initial tune"Inform Me". Collectively, they as a matter of fact mix it belong that track, so it is actually just something they experienced will be excellent to start with. I performed a considerable amount of tunes on the project.

TERRANCE: What was it like dealing with Kevin Ross on his singular"Trait Got in touch with Passion". TROY TAYLOR: Well, Kevin is among my proteges actually. He utilized to become my artist when he was authorized to Motown as well as our company simply permitted him vacate, as well as permit him spread his wings out a little bit of bit extra to venture out and also do his very own trait, but he as well as I possess a friendship at the same time, so whenever he needs me I am actually regularly mosting likely to sympathize him. He possessed the tune, however with the method he videotaped it, I thought his vocals needed to be

stronger. TERRANCE: As a recognized Songwriter & Producer in this particular sector, what creates a song great? TROY TAYLOR: What makes a song excellent to me, is actually a tune that has the capability to take you no matter where you require to be when you require to go. If you wan na be actually satisfied, it may make you pleased. A good song ought to create you feel the emotional state of whatever it is actually claiming as well as it should have the capacity to be a soundtrack throughout your day to express whatever emotion you believe. TERRANCE: What are your five career-defining songs you possess created and/or produced? TROY TAYLOR: Certainly not in any type of certain order, it would be actually, of training program"Sugary food Lady"by Tyrese."Neighbors Know My Call"through Trey Songz, considering that there's no track in the background of songs keeping that title."The First Noel ", a Xmas tune that I created for Whitney, considering that it arrives each year. "Merely Came Right Here to Chill" through The Isley Brothers, due to the fact that Ron Isley is actually like some of my beloved, preferred

."Your Passion"by Boyz II Males, since that song was supposed to be actually for my album and also when I heard all of them vocalize, I provided it to all of them. TERRANCE: Which years in popular music you would claim determined you one of the most and why? TROY TAYLOR: It's gon na be actually a cross between the 70's as well as the 80's along with the

80's probably initially given that a bunch of music I grew on in the 70's I remember, however didn't analyze until the 80's. In the 90's I discovered just how a lot I found out coming from the 70's. TERRANCE: Where perform you see R&B entering the future? TROY TAYLOR: I believe it's gon na come back. It's visiting definitely be extra efficient, because the millennial age group is actually growing up currently, so they wish a lot more out of music. They're heading to manage it a little

better, since it is actually going to stand for exactly how they think currently.

TERRANCE: What are your ideas when you believe you do not receive the debt you should within this electronic songs age? TROY TAYLOR: It's worse right now than ever before, considering that there are no CD's or inlays to consider and also read. Thus now I have to turn to performing tags and as much as I do not like tags, I perform understand right now the usefulness of it, is for individuals to know that I worked with that song. I do not essentially like it, yet it's what I need to do. It is actually all portion of transforming along with the moments. TERRANCE: Everybody have their viewpoint of what excellence is actually. Exactly how would certainly you describe it? TROY TAYLOR: Results to me is actually when you're at

the factor where no concern exactly how challenging it acquires, you still discover a technique to smile. That is actually effectiveness. Given that when you can not, no issue when it obtain difficult as well as you can not locate a technique to grin and also to always keep progressing, then you're certainly not effective. When you possess something that you really love and also you are actually productive at it, when hardships come as they perform with everything, you tend to be attracted in the direction of the thought and sensation of results, you know?

I can't allow this break me, to ensure to me is what effectiveness is. TERRANCE: What was the experience like to win Dove Awards for your recent deal with Donald Lawrence & Koryn Hawthorne? TROY TAYLOR: That's amazing considering that I didn't see that coming given that I am actually an R&B fella, despite the fact that I grew up in Congregation. I carry out, do Gospel music however I still wouldn't have actually anticipated that to happen, to ensure that was

definitely, really excellent. TERRANCE: What was it like teaming up along with Whitney on" Unashamed "for the Merely Whitney ... album? TROY TAYLOR: Well, that was actually a definitely, really exciting track for her if you listen closely to the lyrics. It was a little bit of in advance of it 's time I would state. I likewise teamed up with her on her Christmas time venture which was incredibly

fascinating considering that I was able to audio document while I was partnering with her. I possess a great audio of our team communicating along with one another while I was actually collaborating with her which was actually tremendously funny to hear her in her aspect, only being absurd as well as only being Whitney. The very most essential and also most reputable thing is that it is actually for me only and also nobody worldwide possesses it, therefore in my masterclasses that I do around the globe, I have a segment where I play those sounds for individuals to listen to how she was. TERRANCE: One of my preferred Kenny Lattimore cds is Weekend break. What was it like teaming up with him about that task? TROY TAYLOR: Kenny is my individual. He's one of my closest pals in this particular songs field. Carrying out that venture was actually really excellent since it stretched him vocally. I performed like six tunes on that particular cd. I managed to really, truly, definitely press him right into little a lot more edgier functionalities as opposed to the smooth singing that he is actually made use of to.

" arial", "helvetica", sans-serif;'> TERRANCE: You teamed up with the late Tony Thompson formerly of Hi-Five back in '95 on his solo debut album Sexsational. Why do you assume that cd didn't live up to it is actually possible? TROY TAYLOR: I presume a ton of it concerned his psychological health and wellness. Mental health and wellness had not been a major package in the past, yet he was definitely enduring and had some psychological health issues that decreased him below performing each of things that he required to accomplish to advertise it as well as to be all that he needed to be.&That is actually from my viewpoint coming from at that time from what I observed. I just found an unhappy person that had not been actually right into it as he might've been actually. TERRANCE: One of the exciting points concerning the remake you made for Brownstone got in touch with "I Can't Inform You Why", is actually Maxee performs the lead vocals on the cd model and Nicci performs the top vocals on the single version. What led to that switch? TROY TAYLOR: That is actually an amusing one considering that I seemed like if you know the original Eagles song, it's a rather smooth song and it's rather relaxed. I performed an R&B variation of it, I seemed like Nicci is precisely the diva but I felt like Maximum's vocal fitted better. It became a little bit of political because in order for it to become a solitary as well as to have the Brownstone audio, Nicci will've needed to be actually the lead performer on it consequently for the remix they exchanged all of them out.

TERRANCE: There is actually an SWV gem you produced named "Shock Me". Refer to that. TROY TAYLOR: That is actually a song where I had each one of the group sing on. Of program Coko performs the lead, yet they all possess parts in it, you recognize what I mean? I thought that if you are actually a group as well as you could possibly all sing, then you must all of have parts. The track could finish along with the top vocalist taking it residence, yet despite having like Boyz II Men. Commonly Nate or Shawn would certainly begin it off as well as either will go next and Wanya would deliver it home. To me, that's what a group carries out. TERRANCE: And also talking, exactly how performed you associate with Boyz II Guys? I recognize you dealt with them on their Cooleyhighharmony and II cds. TROY TAYLOR: Once Again, I was an artist on Motown at some aspect dealing with my job. When I met them, I chose I failed to desire to be a performer given that it was extra delightful to become behind the scenes as well as performing what I really love, somewhat to become in face consequently after finding their effectiveness I determined I really did not desire to be a performer any longer. TERRANCE: Are actually there any forthcoming tasks that you are actually working with that you can tell our company regarding? TROY TAYLOR: Well, I'm always cleaning performers. I'm still a large follower of Performer Progression, so I constantly have performers under me who I am actually brushing and also focusing on. The following approaching point is the Dru Mountain job. I have actually been actually dealing with Queen Naija and also I'm operating along with Pink Sweat $, to ensure ought to be awesome. There is actually a tune arriving along with Lil Duval featuring Storage tank & Jacquees and it is actually heading to be actually super hilarious as well as it is actually a truly great R&B file and also gon na be actually really suitable for R&B. TERRANCE: Exists anything not reviewed you would love to show your fans, fans & the audiences? TROY TAYLOR: I 'd claim follow me as well as ready to elect me as your Mayor of R&B. When individuals inquire, what does that indicate? That only simply suggests to help me assist the original elements of what R&B popular music should possess. The reason why it's certainly not in a lot of popular music today is actually due to the fact that the kids do not know just how to accomplish it. They do not recognize how to make improvements. They do not recognize any kind of idea, so they just usually tend to keep it repeating given that it's secure.

This content was originally published here.

[bookofsul]

So this is probably really odd to ask but whatever. I got accepted into an art school and i've been going there since 4 weeks. So far so good. But i get really bad anxiety if i am not able to do somethig right/ as good as anyone else :/ of course im jealous if someone is better than me but i thik i could handle that (if it'd JUST that) i have anxiety abt almost anything and it really depresses me when i feel like im not good in enough in sth i normally love doning :( So.. do you have any advice?

Yes I do. Stop listening to the BS that comes from the part of your genes that keeps you rather in ‘shitty but safe’ stagnation than let you fail. (They are mean and don’t consider winning!)

In short, don’t stress too much on it, things will be just fine as long as you keep going! A bit longer below the cut.

My art school career started with “I was the second to last accepted” to high school. I knew that I could draw ‘better’ than the other kids in my elementary school class simply because I had an interest and I was drawing almost every day, but it still put me on the end of the scale in an open competition. When I got in I felt like I hit the jackpot and I will be surrounded with similar minded folks and how awesome it will be. The truth is, I had a couple of friends and the others I can’t even remember the name of but things were great. Until you start to struggle for whatever reason, it’s more often than not that you’ll get a mean comment on ‘how bad x is on your drawing’. And from those friends, that hurt. It’s not the constructive criticism kind of deal, but the one that is aimed to break down your self confidence and faith in yourself in order to make themselves feel better. After a while I figured that I’m not interested in their opinion, so I politely asked them not to give me feedback, since I’m my worst critic. I knew that some of them were in my level or above, but that just put me into a competitive mindset that I can do better. And so I did. Talent is nothing but hard work. When you think that other people’s work is intimidating, then you are getting a mental block via your genes that I have described above. But if you keep trying, you can get to awesomeness! 

After high school (all of those above) I went to an other art based institute to become a teacher whom is able to instruct and communicate trough their thoughts due to the fact that our teacher was an artist who was an egotistic asshole, forcing his shit on people without letting you develop. I thought that in the university it will be different, but guess what, all the people there were the same kind of deal. I feel like I learned nothing aside of the teaching part. They assigned me to do things I was not interested in at all and trying to crush my beliefs that “digital art is no true art and has no value”. We got homework which you could interpret as you liked, and let me tell you, they did freak me out. I’m not saying that you don’t need to do things you don’t like, but the amount is very questionable and opinionated. I hated drawing. It was a forced thing and I saw that the output I was doing was crap because I couldn’t even motivate myself to care. It was still good enough to keep a B+ average, and where I felt like I’m not learning, I stopped trying to challenge myself to try being better. I usually had at least one figure whom I wanted to impress, and I put all my creative efforts into that particular class. The rest I kinda “survived”.

And, let me tell you a story related specifically to your problem. I had a class where we had to “solve painter’s problems”. Whatever the fuck that meant. We had to paint a figure and environment in the mandatory classes which was utterly boring (same 60yo lady over the 5 years I had there). Same pose, same lights, I could paint it from my memory from various angles. it was some new level of boring. But we had this ��solve a painter’s problem” deal and I had no fucking idea what did the teacher meant and the explanations made NO SENSE to me or my friend. The others started bringing in sketches and loose works to ask the teacher’s opinion, and they were so far away from anything I’d call art that I started freaking out. I can’t do this shit. I can’t purposely, by force, paint metaphysical images by the number of 30 mini (A6), 15 small (A4) 10 medium (A3) and 4 large (A2) by the end of the semester. I had two weeks left, and I had NO IDEA what the hell to do. I was very frustrated, I wanted to quit, I wanted to fuck it all, because everyone else’s modern junk was looking so abstract and I CANNOT do that! I was sitting over the canvas and out of sheer frustration I started hammering it with random colors I had on my brush (it was rather small, like the back of a pencil), and I was crying and I was ready to give up. And from beyond my tears, the images looked kind of…Interesting. So I blew my nose and I kept doing this, first trying to make a shape or a form and afterwards not even giving a damn. I just had to make something and fuck me if it’s not going to be good enough. I tried my best. If it’s not enough, it’s just ONE person’s opinion anyway from 6 billion so WHY should I CARE. (Yes, even if they are professionals or teachers or whatever)So I bring in the images and I’m so nervous I nearly pass out. Long story short the teacher nearly passed out too, but from euphoria, how amazing my shit was. He was legit pissed that my works from the class were medicore but THOSE WERE SO GOOD IT WAS PREPOSTEROUS. I got an A, and my friend who watched from the door nearly pissed herself from trying not to laugh. (she also asked me to bring some to an other class to an other teacher and that guy also got his mind blown).

Now some can say that I had to get to a mindset that made me do this (and we should listen to the advices blaady bladyy blaaa). But frankly, I don’t want to be stressed about creating art, I want to enjoy it. People don’t like it? Why should I care as long as I’m having fun and developing to my liking? Art supposed to be self expression, not forced upon anyone by any means. When I make commissions, I’m trying to please ONE person, and that’s the commissioner. If anyone else is happy too, that’s a bonus. My best art pieces were gifts, because I wanted to give with them, and they were driven by love/joy/unicorn fart rather than pressure. Love makes everything better!

You’ll never be able to please everyone. It’s impossible. Start with believing in yourself and look for the themes/materials that MAKE YOU HAPPY. That make you grow and leaves you feeling productive. If it’s drawing, painting, writing, making music, cooking food, sewing, fixing up shit, BRINGING OUT THE TRASH, whatever floats your boat. Aim for the little things that make you happy. There is no point to compare yourself to others, and trust me when I say this, the more your skill grows the less intimidating they will be, because you’ll have the eyes to see the flaws that everyone does. The images we like the most are made with little accidents. If you feel like crap about your art, listen some Bob Ross and follow his work. Surround yourself with the material that makes you feel good, or things you want to aim for. If you have a particular picture you think it’s just the best shit, put it to your desktop til you find something that is even more awesome. Your eyes will remember the details that you can recall any time. Out of your comfort zone? DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS. I mean it’s obviously gonna be crap in the first dozen times. But You’ll get there, just keep going, and don’t give up! Be your own worst critiq and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your work. You have to accept the fact that you won’t make a masterpiece with every single stroke you make, and that’s fine. Aim for perfection, but don’t be a perfectionist.

My personal mantra is: “I cannot please everyone with my work, but I do my best anyway, and my aim is personal growth trough things that make me happy.”I’m honestly very honored that you people think my opinion is worth asking for. The fun fact is that my most common advice is “don’t give a shit about other people’s opinion”. :’D No, ofc you should care a bit, but only just an itty bitty tiiny wiiny bit. As long as you stay happy!

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/riding-the-storm/

Riding the Storm

Riding the Storm

By Dana Mrkich

The intensity of last Monday’s Scorpio New Moon opposite Uranus (28 Oct) has, for a lot of people, continued. Deep emotional releases from heavy crying to rage-like anger to feeling generally frazzled has many feeling out of sorts- even while things in your life might be generally okay.

At the same time the Schumann Resonance was pumping strong (imagine your heart beating faster than usual, and you feel that thump thump thump stronger than usual….only this is Earth’s heart beat).

Much like the Solar Flares, this can make energetically sensitive people feel emotional, can ramp up anxiety because it’s revving up the nervous system, can trigger physical heart palpitations, fatigue, adrenalin surges and a need to just find a quiet place to rest and restore.

Sometimes we can feel super energised, creative and motivated when the Schumann Resonance is high so it may have affected you that way.

With the energy feeling very much like electric static I had originally thought this would ease as the moon moved away from that Uranus opposition. But err, no. It appears that influence is still with us as the moon prepares to go Full next Wednesday, nestled right alongside Uranus in Taurus. Yes you read that correctly. We’re going from a New Moon opposite Uranus, to a Full Moon being on Uranus. (While not being exactly on the Uranus degree it is close enough to warrant being called a Uranus Full Moon.) May as well get our brown paper bags out now, breathe in…and out…breathe in….and out!

On a personal level this particular New to Full Moon fortnight has been like a Scuba Diving Ride you didn’t realise you were in line for. Heck, you didn’t even know you were in an adventure park. One minute you’re washing the dishes, the next you’re breathing into those brown paper bags, sobbing uncontrollably about something that happened 40 years ago. Or something that happened 40 seconds ago that wasn’t really that big a deal, so WHY AM I SOBBING LIKE THIS!!! Or you are breathing into the paper bag because you’re trying really hard not to lose your shit for the tenth time this week because a lot of anger is coming up. Or things have just got really crazy with your schedule really fast, and your brain can’t work out how you are going to do the hundred things that suddenly showed up out of nowhere. 

Scorpio loves a good scuba dive. Add Uranus to the mix and we’ve got ourselves an extreme sports version where you get zapped every few metres on the descent. 

“Look at that memory!” Zap.

“Remember this issue? Did ya ever clear that?” Zap.

“Aww, you’ve still got that wound? Poke, poke.” Ouch! Zap. 

Now I’ve got a scene from Willy Wonka in my head where the Oompa Loompas have to roll Violet to the juicing room and are singing that Oompa Loompa Oompa Dee Daa song as they squeeze out the excess juice, iron her out and send her back to her parents’ excess free.  That’s us right now…..being wrung out like towels, and feeling strung out in the process!

Breathe deeply.

Move slowly.

Try to stay present mentally

– too much past/future worry increases the anxiety and frazzled feeling.

Put your feet on the grass, sit on the grass, lie on the Earth. 

Do what you need to do to feel grounded

especially if you resonate with this feeling

that you’re plugged in to an electrical socket.

On a global level

Uranus is connected to shock…and there’s certainly plenty of that in the collective consciousness as more and more truth is being constantly revealed. This Uranus-influenced New/Full Moon window is really amplifying our awareness of, and sensitivity to, the crazy global reality show unravelling before our eyes!

The Great Awakening voyage we’re on is entering rough waters. Not because things are getting worse. Nope. As hard as it may be for some to believe, things are actually getting better because so much that has been hidden is now coming to the surface for all to see. Only this is causing mass turbulence and mass shock, as we start reaching the critical point of mass realisation to the behind the scenes truth of our world. Everyone generally knows that the powerful run the world. Now, millions are awakening to how:

Journalists have been muzzled for decades from telling the truth in order to protect powerful people. They have been used to serve “pyramid power structure” agendas that keeps control/power at the top. (Project Veritas posted video this week, exposing an Epstein cover-up revealed by a news anchor on a hot mic)

Powerful, public people have been involved in the trafficking and ritual abuse of children. (The FBI Vault posted documents this week about The Finders)

A global blackmail system has been used to control powerful people, from Hollywood actors to those in the music biz, to politicians to corporate and media moguls, who in turn are used to influence the public in a way that serves the “pyramid power structure” agendas. (Follow Tiffany FitzHenry on Twitter, she also has some new interviews up on You Tube including one with an adult survivor of elite-level child-trafficking and ritual abuse).

Many regular people enter journalism, politics, entertainment, and corporate life with good intentions, not realising how the system works until they ascend to the higher levels. Some however are born into “the network” or “the family”, and have been moulded from a very young age to be used as an influencer (and I’m not talking the latest insta-famous ones).

2020 is going to reveal more and more and more and more….it may produce sea-sickness and dizziness when you realise how much of the old reality has been a lie. That reality is not the reality we came here to create. As it collapses, and it will, it’s natural to feel grief, anger, confusion, depression and despair.

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross defines the 7 stages of loss/grief as:

Shock

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Testing

Acceptance

This is where we’re at folks. Everyone in 2020 will be in one of those stages. Your job is to a) hold steady as best as you can using all the centering/grounding/connecting to your Highest Source tools you have and b) support others as best as you can.

One of our lovely She Fires Bernie put it well – “be the calm witness in the eye of the storm.” Remember – the Storm isn’t a sign that everything is going to crap. It is a sign of all the crap being revealed. We are absolutely going to come out the other side to a very new shore, a very new world. And, in the meantime, there is of course that calm that we can each personally find and help cultivate in others by going within, and by creating pockets of the new in our personal lives: in our families, in our homes, our schools, our workplaces, our communities. 

This is how we will create change – flipping the pyramid around so that the base is at the top, with mass awakening leading to mass empowerment leading to mass grassroots level transformations. Our energy can then filter and flow through society as it was designed to do – co-creating healthy communities in healthy ways. A true leader holds the space, holds the vision, for the majority to thrive.

We have been living in an upside down world, so of course as things are being flipped the right way around things are going to feel a little topsy turvy! 

As the old influence is being unplugged one socket at a time, now is the time to add your positive influence and light. Be the calm eye of the storm for those caught up in the turbulence.  Hold your torch steady so that they can find their way to their own torch.  Remember to keep your own cup full: healthy nourishing food, enough sleep, plenty of water, exercise, get outdoors, fresh air, sunlight – it’s the basics that are the most helpful! 

How are you all feeling?

******

LoveHasWon.org is a Non-Profit Charity, Heartfully Associated with the “World Blessing Church Trust” for the Benefit of Mother Earth

Share Our Messages with Love and Gratitude

LOVE US @ MeWe mewe.com/join/lovehaswon

Visit Our Online Store for Higher Consciousness Products and Tools: LoveHasWon Essentials

http://lovehaswonessentials.org/

Visit Our NEW Sister Site: LoveHasWon Angel Numbers

https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/

Commentary from The First Contact Ground Crew 5dSpiritual Healing Team:

Feel Blocked, Drained, Fatigued, Restless, Nausea, Achy, Ready to Give Up? We Can Help! We are preparing everyone for a Full Planetary Ascension, and provide you with the tools and techniques to assist you Home Into The Light. The First Contact Ground Crew Team, Will Help to Get You Ready For Ascension which is Underway. New Spiritual Sessions have now been created for an Entire Family, including the Crystal Children; Group Family Healing & Therapy. We have just began these and they are incredible. Highly recommend for any families struggling together in these times of intense changes. Email: motherofallcreation@lovehaswon.org for more information or to schedule an emergency spiritual session. We can Assist You into Awakening into 5d Reality, where your experience is one of Constant Joy, Wholeness of Being, Whole Health, Balanced, Happy and Abundant. Lets DO THIS! Schedule Your Session Below by following the Link! Visit:  http://www.lovehaswon.org/awaken-to-5d/

Introducing our New LoveHasWon Twin Flame Spiritual Intuitive Ascension Session. Visit the link below:

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-twin-flame-spiritual-intuitive-ascension-session/

Request an Astonishing Personal Ascension Assessment Report or Astrology Reading, visit the link below for more information:

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-ascension-assessment-report

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-astrology/

Experiencing DeAscension Symptoms, Energy Blockages, Disease and more? Book a Holistic Healing Session

https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-holistic-healing-session/

To read our Testimonials you can follow this link: http://www.lovehaswon.org/testimonials

Connect with MotherGod~Mother of All Creation on Skype @ mothergoddess8

Request a copy of our Book: The Tree of Life ~ Light of The Immortals Book

Order a copy of Our LoveHasWon Ascension Guide: https://lovehaswon.org/lovehaswon-ascension-guide/

**If you do not have a Paypal account, click on the button below:

If you wish to donate and receive a Tax Receipt, click the button below:

Donate with Paypal

Use Cash App with Our code and we’ll each get $5! FKMPGLH

Cash App Tag: $lovehaswon1111

Cash App

Donate with Venmo

VENMO

Support Our cause in the creation of the Crystal Schools for Children. Visit our fundraising link below:

LoveHasWon Charity for Crystal Schools

Support Our Charity in Co~Creating the New Earth Together by Helping Mother of All Creation. Visit our fundraising link below:

Support Mother Earth!

Support Us on PATREON

PATREON

Support Us Through Our LoveHasWon Wish List

LoveHasWon Wish List

We also accept Western Union and Moneygram. You may send an email to michaelsilver@lovehaswon.org for more information.

***If you wish to send Donations by mail or other methods, email us at motherofallcreation@lovehaswon.org  or  michaelsilver@lovehaswon.org***

**** We Do Not Refund Donations****

MeWe ~ Youtube ~ Facebook ~ Apple News ~ Linkedin ~ Twitter ~ Tumblr ~ GAB ~ Minds ~ Google+ ~ Medium ~ StumbleUpon ~ Reddit ~ Informed Planet ~ Steemit ~ SocialClub ~ BlogLovin ~ Flipboard ~ Pinterest ~ Instagram ~ Snapchat