#but I was busy with other shit and it actually isn't easy to figure out lmao

[scoobydoodean]

Oh my god my hourly meteorological data from 1984-2021 finally finished downloading???? I thought it would take at least another 2 days.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Hi Wendy! I love your writing so much! Thank you for sharing with us :) I was wondering if you’d be able to write some angst with Ran, that maybe ends in fluff? I was thinking arranged marriage where he’s forced to marry a girl he doesn’t love and he lets her know from the start & she doesn’t mind, maybe she’s an attorney or an accountant or something for Bonten, so she can handle her own, but they do end up falling for each other somewhere along the way. But mayyyybe she gets kidnapped and hurt pretty badly and that makes him realize that he’s actually fallen for her, I hope you can run with the idea if you choose to write it 🥺

It's Just An Arrangement: Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader

wc: 884

tw: smut

masterlist

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Finale

Author's Note: this might have to be a two-parter....

"I will never love you."

Those were your wedding vows.

And as you sit at your desk - writing up reports for the most notorious crime syndicate in all of Japan - you know you'd be stupid to forget it.

"Hey." A knock on your door reveals Kokonoi Hajime, and you perk up at the sight of the white-haired accountant.

"Any news?" Kokonoi grins, producing a sheet for you to peruse. You take the paper and skim it before landing on the final figure with a sigh. "Just enough for the month."

"I've been sending Sanzu out on collections." You chuckle, thinking of the menace forcefully demanding repayment from frazzled storefront owners. "It seems to have the effect we want." Profit. You lay the paper down on your desk and raise your head to congratulate Koko, but a familiar shadow appears in the doorway.

"We need to head home." You eye your husband carefully, noting his unphased look and perfectly manicured appearance. Then you glance at your watch.

"It's only four," you note with disdain. "What--"

"We need to go. Say goodbye to Koko and shut your computer down." You stare at Ran, but he stares back, daring you to try him in front of his associate. So you do as he says, grabbing your bag and your phone before leaving the office. You walk behind Ran as he navigates toward the car waiting for you two outside the headquarters, stewing in your mind about the way he talks to you, especially when you've been nothing but obedient to him for a whole year.

A whole year. You'd been suffering silently, watching your hateful husband mill about, parading around like his life and wife are perfect. But behind closed doors, he can't seem to stand you.

A marriage of convenience, arranged by meddling parents and clientele looking for a leg up in the world. And you're the victim of it all. All so someone else could reap the benefits.

"There's been someone lurking around our businesses," Ran hums, looking at his phone and scrolling mindlessly. "It's best if we lay low for a while."

"Wouldn't it be better for Mochi to figure out--"

Ran looks up from his phone and frowns at you. Right, he hadn't questioned you or anything. You just needed to take the information and store it away. "We'll be working from home for now."

When you arrive at the place you call home, you're enraged. Staying at home with Ran meant more looks, more disagreements, more... feeling like shit. You look up at the massive chandelier in the foyer, and part of you wishes it would just collapse and crush you. But Ran clears his throat, pulling you out of your passive ideation, and motions toward the stairs.

You sigh, prepared to fulfill your only marital duty as you climb the stone steps.

It's easy, you think, stripping out of your clothes as Ran runs the shower water. All I have to do is brace myself against the shower wall and let him do what he pleases. The water is always warm, and Ran isn't rough most times. You could grin and bear it for as long as necessary.

And you do exactly that, holding onto the tile with slippery fingers. Ran holds your shoulder in one hand and your waist in the other, and your skin slaps roughly under the stream of water.

"Fuck," Ran bites out, and you whimper in response, feeling his cock driving into you with precision. Sometimes you came from this impersonal interaction, and stars would dance in your vision while Ran got soft and pulled out. But this time--

"I'm gonna cum." Ran's hips stutter as he exhales, his mewls of pleasure echoing in the shower as he cums inside of you. You try to enjoy it, try to imagine yourself enjoying being pregnant with his child, but you can't. You can't even work yourself up enough to touch your clit, which is a shame.

Ran does his due diligence and wipes himself down before cleaning you up as well, then turns off the shower by reaching past your frame and pressing the button. He doesn't speak either, but he does pass you a towel to dry off.

But it's never enough.

His small acts of kindness used to make you feel hopeful for something more, something real. But they were always small, few, and far between.

"The chef will be here at eight to cook dinner," Ran mentions, wiping his ears. You try not to eye his perfect physique in the mirror, reminding yourself that it's only a test of your mental fortitude. Just because he fucks well doesn't mean--

Ran's phone rings shrilly, and you jolt at the sound as he wraps his towel around his waist. He picks it up off the counter and frowns, looking at the name before setting it back down.

"Scammer," he mumbles, shaking his head. He then leaves you all alone in the bathroom, toweling off despite the cum dripping down your inner thighs.

What wouldn't you do for a sign of affection here and there? Some false flag in lieu of a real relationship? Sure, you told him you'd never love him. But did you mean it?

Everyone wants to be loved, right?

[imdead770]

Dallas with a s/o who lived in NYC too and has a similar accent as him pls🙏🙏 (Also I love love love you’re writing keep doing what you’re doing!!!)

Dallas Winston x Reader - NYC

Authors Note - I have like 3 asks before this but I love this and it means it get to write a NY accent and that's so fun

Sorry for never writing yall

No excuse I'm just lazy 💞

¤ Just a warning this is super stereotypical

¤ I'm sorry I'm from the south I don't know yall so I'm going off stereotypes 😭😭

¤ First of all people can barely understand either of you

¤ I mean everyone else has a southern accent, they're used to that

¤ So an accent that sounds like you're drunk 24/7 isn't exactly easy to understand

¤ If you're both from New York, you already have a lot in common

¤ The fights, the accent, the road rage, the food, all that

¤ Now I'm from the south, I haven't met a lot of New Yorkers

¤ But the ones I have met always have such a resting bitch face

¤ So like whenever someone introduced you to Dal (or the other way around) you both had that same, natural glare

¤ And somehow you both got the 'holy shit, you're a New Yorker too??' message

¤ I don't know how but New Yorkers just know if you're a New Yorker

¤ It's like a 6th sense

¤ So naturally you're both mean to each other

¤ The others are like 'oh shirt they hate each other'

¤ You don't

¤ Like eventually you leave and Dals all

"She ain't bad."

¤ And everyone's all

"You just insulted each other like.. 25 times?"

¤ And he just nods and lights a cigarette like he didn't just meet his second favorite person in this town

¤ Naturally you both see each other at some pizza place

¤ Probably one that's closest to greasy NY pizza

¤ This is meant as a compliment, yall have such good pizza omfg

¤ You both realize just how much you have in common

¤ How thick the air is, the random guy getting his ass beat as you're just minding your business, the fact nobody here can understand certain words you say

¤ You two understand each other

¤ If Dallas would ever open up to someone about his trauma (he wouldn't), it'd be you

¤ He knows you've seen at least a sliver of the same shit he did

¤ Anyways, both of yall love to hype of New York together

¤ Like really play into the stereotypes

"Oh ya', a rat nearly ate m' face off once"

"WHAT??"

"Happen'd to me, too"

¤ You both think it's hilarious

¤ Plus yall love to make your accents thicker to confuse people more

¤ Slur the vowels together, mumble more then you need to, then watch people try to figure out what the fuck you just said

¤ Dal gets all mad if someone asks him to lighten up the accent

¤ I think you both like hanging out together because it reminds the other of home

¤ Like Dal almost forgot what a New Yorker who wasn't him sounded like

¤ Plus if Dal ever met your parents, even though he's rude and kind of dangerous, they might tolerate him more

¤ Yall intumidate so many people omg

¤ Like half of that town are sweet southern people

¤ So seeing two New Yorkers you get the classic

"Ew, they're yankees"

¤ Yes we really do say that 👍

¤ But people get all scared cuz they're like 'omg they're gonna shoot me'

¤ Again, you both think it's the funniest shit

¤ Like being yelled at by a New Yorker is scary enough

¤ But TWO

¤ It's like you two are so intimidating together it's perfect

¤ Of course Dal asks you on a date to some pizza place and you two walk around the block sharing a cigarette

¤ Another thing

¤ You're actually used to the cold and he's so, so grateful for that

¤ Everyone else in Oklahoma gets all shivery the moment it's less then 60

¤ Like you don't complain about it and he loves that so much

¤ Back to the topic

¤ Date goes great

¤ Once you two become a thing you fight a good amount

¤ I mean you're from the North, it's natural (I think?? This might be stereotypical so sorry)

¤ Even people from the South fight with Dal so this isn't any different

¤ But since you're both used to fights the insults are crazy

¤ Like the gangs jaws have dropped hundreds of times with what the two of yall come up with

¤ Like it's the most foul, disturbingly impressive, heart breaking insults

¤ Then the other returns it with a snicker and another just as horrendously good insult

¤ Match made in heaven

[anonymous-dentist]

Part Three of the Catboy in the Village AU

Part One | Part Two

-

Cellbit has been in and out of several prisons in his life. He's no stranger to captivity, he knows how it works. He knows how the system works, and he's not expecting the queen to be any better than any of his previous wardens.

...Still. It's kind of nice to be given a cell with an actual bed in it. With bedsheets- silk, probably, they're soft. And a rug on the marble floor to keep the chill away. And bookshelves. With books in them. Interesting-looking books, too: mysteries, judging by the titles, and ones he didn't have access to back home due to Gato Kingdom customs laws.

But, like. Fuck the queen. She kidnapped him and his husband, she's currently working on kidnapping their children, and she doesn't seem keen to give Cellbit and Roier any chance to escape.

The cell- a bedroom, Roier had called it, but, really, it's a cell- doesn't have any windows. The door is unlocked, but there are two guards outside who are apparently supposed to follow Cellbit and-slash-or Roier wherever they go.

There are clothes in the wardrobe that are clearly recycled from some other member of Gato royalty. They're all finer than anything Cellbit has ever known, and he thinks he'd rather die than wear them.

Roier, though? He's not happy about being kidnapped, and he's even less happy about not having anything to protect himself and Cellbit with, but he seems happy enough about the 'lost prince' treatment that Cellbit's getting.

"When we escape, we're bringing the clothes with us," Roier decides on night two of their forced stay in the castle.

They're in bed, Roier wrapped protectively around Cellbit's back and holding him so tightly that Cellbit's ribs hurt. It's close to midnight, but neither of them can sleep, because how can they sleep when their kids are an entire kingdom away?

Cellbit quietly laughs. "Yeah? How?"

"You'll carry them."

"Oh, will I?"

"Yes, obviously. I have to have my arms free for fighting."

Roier's breath ghosts over the back of Cellbit's neck. It's warm, and Roier is warm, and the blankets are warm, and it all feels so cozy and yet so wrong. The bed is too nice. The bed is too big. The room is too big. Roier's clothes are too soft. It's too quiet, where is all the noise?

The entire time that Cellbit has been in the castle, these past two days, he has seen a handful of people: a few guards, a total of two servants, and, of course, the queen. But she's been too busy trying to rebuild her kingdom to bother with the men she's had kidnapped, and Cellbit hasn't seen much of her outside of the meals he and Roier are dragged to twice a day.

The queen is... interesting. She's a total piece of shit and Cellbit kind of hates her more than he can describe, but she refuses to be addressed by any of the usual titles; she keeps correcting her knights when they call her anything but 'Bagi', and she looks two seconds away from murder every time Cellbit calls her 'your highness'. She seems to actually care about her kingdom, which is a marked difference from her parents, and she spends all day locked in her study in the tallest of the castle's towers working on... queen stuff. Whatever it is she does, Cellbit doesn't know. He isn't royalty, he's an alchemist. This is all foreign to him.

"Who says we need to fight?" Cellbit asks. "Maybe they'll just... let us go when they figure out they've got the wrong Cellbit."

"Mm, maybe. Or, hear me out, I knock out a guard, steal their sword, and then I carry you out of here. Easy."

Cellbit imagines it. He smiles as his imaginary Roier spontaneously becomes shirtless mid-escape.

He snuggles back into his real shirtless husband's chest with a happy little trill. His trill becomes a proper purr as one of Roier's hands trails up and into Cellbit's hair, landing at the base of his ears and scratching lightly. His eyes slip shut, and his back arches, and he loves his husband so much! He's so sweet even when he's the victim of a kidnapping, he's literally the perfect man.

"Aww, gatinho," Roier coos. "You are the prince... of my heart."

Gods, that's cheesy.

Cellbit loves him.

"That... doesn't even make... sense..." Cellbit murmurs, voice obscured by his purring.

Roier sighs dramatically: "Fine, you're the king of my heart. Better?"

"Mmmmmmmm."

Roier chuckles fondly. "Mhmm, I see, yes, yes."

Cellbit bats a hand in the vague direction of Roier's face. He doesn't make contact, but that's fine. He'd rather die than hurt Roier, even playfully.

A kiss plants itself between Cellbit's ears. He melts, all thoughts evaporating outside of warm and Roier. Warmoier...

(The room doesn't have a window, so neither of them see the faint green light surrounding the castle.)

He's jerked back into his body as the entire castle shakes and rattles to the point of books falling off of their shelves. He's nearly tossed out of bed, only staying in bed thanks to Roier.

Cellbit immediately tries sitting up, but Roier pulls him back down with a hissed, "Be careful!"

"We'll be safer on the floor," Cellbit huffs. "Come on."

He drags Roier off of the bed and, together, they huddle beneath it clinging to each other.

"This sucks," Roier complains. He grips Cellbit's arm tightly, definitely not worried about the literal earthquake they're stuck in the middle of. "We just got comfortable!"

"We can get comfortable again," Cellbit assures him.

He feels it before he hears it. His entire body recoils upon instinct, his ears pressing down against his head just as an otherworldly wail echoes up from somewhere and burrows into his very bones.

"Are you sure?" Roier asks, wide-eyed. "What the fuck? Is this place haunted?"

The wailing continues. Roier has to let go of Cellbit so he can clap his hands over his ears. Cellbit covers his own ears, but it doesn't stop the chill in his bones, and it doesn't make the sick feeling growing in his stomach go away.

"I hope it is!" Cellbit replies, his voice near a shout from how loud the wailing is. "At least it would be interesting!"

Roier rolls his eyes. "Oh, at least!"

And then, just like that, the shaking stops. The wail cuts itself off with a sob, and then it's gone.

Cellbit looks at Roier. Roier looks at Cellbit.

Slowly, Cellbit lowers his hands from his ears, though his ears don't perk back up.

"You know," he says, "I don't think the queen told us everything when she kidnapped us."

"No shit," Roier grumbles. He moves his hands from his ears to Cellbit's hands, linking their fingers together; their hands are shaking from the adrenaline, but they seem to stabilize as soon as they're holding each other.

"I bet she doesn't even think I'm the prince," Cellbit continues. He looks down at his and Roier's joined hands. "I bet we're some kind of sacrifice to whatever spirit is haunting this castle."

"That's ridiculous," Roier scoffs. "I wouldn't be a sacrifice. You, yes, but me?"

He laughs as Cellbit untangles his fingers from Roier's and crawls out from under the bed. As he does so, Roier calls out to him and grabs his ankle and tries pulling him back under. Cellbit kicks at him, and Roier bites Cellbit's ankle, and Cellbit uses his leg to pull Roier out from under the bed, and they end up pressed against each other on the rug surrounded by fallen books laughing.

Roier, on top for the moment, leans down to kiss Cellbit.

That, of course, is when their cell's door slams open and the guards stationed outside come running in with alarmed expressions on their faces.

Cellbit groans and shoots the guards a dirty look.

"Do you mind?" he snaps.

At least the guards have the decency to look ashamed as they take in Cellbit and Roier's... position.

Roier huffs out a sigh and collapses onto Cellbit's chest, laying his head on its side on Cellbit's chest so he can glare at the guards properly.

"Can we help you?" Roier asks.

"Um," says one guard, clearly blushing and absolutely mortified. "Sorry. The prince has been requested in the queen's study. Uh. Sorry. We'll just..."

She and her fellow guard awkwardly bow, and then they start slowly backing out of the cell.

They aren't alarmed by the scattered books, Cellbit notices. No mention of the earthquake or the wailing, either. This is normal, then.

Hm.

Cellbit feigns a yawn. "Well, tell her majesty that both me and my husband would like to sleep after whatever the hell that was that woke us up. Whatever it is, it can wait until the morning."

The guards freeze. They go pale, look at each other, look back to Cellbit.

Roier lifts a hand and waves it dismissively towards them. "You heard the prince, go away."

Cellbit waits until the guards are gone before pushing Roier off of him and shooting him a halfhearted glare.

"'You heard the prince'?" he asks. "Really?"

Roier shrugs innocently. "It got them to leave. Now, get back here."

He growls playfully before pouncing back onto Cellbit. He frames Cellbit's face with his hands, and then he kisses him roughly. And then he kisses him softer after Cellbit mumbles something against his lips about being tired and wanting to get back into bed.

"You're so weak," Roier teases, lips moving against Cellbit's as he speaks.

"I'm weak... for you."

Cellbit laughs as Roier groans and tears himself away to go mope his way back into the bed. He's soon to follow, and he's immediately snatched back into Roier's arms and held captive once again.

This castle may be a very nice prison, but there's no better one than Roier's arms. It is simply the best, and Cellbit should know; it's the only prison he's never tried to escape from.

______________

To be continued...

[griefabyss69]

Inside The Fall

Written for @steddiemicrofic!

[ AO3 ]

'FOOL' wc: 1987 | rated: T | cw: Mention of weed

(This is the April Fool's version of the prompt, it includes all of the words needed)

Steve's used to stepping up in life or death situations, but otherwise he's directionless. He isn't expecting Eddie to be so good at helping him figure out the other parts of his future.

(Continues after the readmore)

"Step into my office," Eddie says with a guiding sweep of his arm.

"You mean your bedroom?" Steve asks just to be annoying.

Eddie's smile doesn't dim but his eyes narrow, all sharp and shit.

"Yes, well, sometimes you have to mix business and pleasure when you're waiting around on the sweet cash that's supposed to be coming in any day now," he says, shutting the door behind them.

Eddie's bedroom isn't really like the last one, though Steve had only seen that in the height of insanity, when it'd been newly deserted and then torn through in search of anti-Vecna music.

This one is neater, though still pretty chaotic. Steve can't help but like it, even though he has to wait for Eddie to clear off his desk before he can conduct his business.

"Come, make yourself comfortable," he says, gesturing at his unmade bed.

Steve ignores the thrill in his gut as he carefully sits down at the edge of it. He doesn't make a joke about cum, or about making himself more comfortable, or about Eddie offering up his bed. He's on his best behavior because otherwise he's going to go too far and Eddie's going to think he's still just a stupid jock who has bad jokes, despite all of the shit they went through together; old habits and all of that.

Once Eddie's cleared his desk, he moves to the other end of it, leaning against the wall but resting his ass against the stack of milk crates he uses for shelving. He nods at the chair, his smile all menacing as if Steve was one of his players and he was going to give him a hard battle.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he says when Steve hesitates, pulling a box out of his pocket.

Steve has to laugh a little bit, and moves over to the chair, settling in with his elbows on the desk. He has to look up to meet Eddie's eyes, and that puts another thrill in him, this one is harder to ignore.

"Don't let me win," Steve says, smirking. He knows that's not how tarot cards work, but Eddie's laugh is worth it, like he gets the joke and doesn't think he’s actually stupid.

"I'd never do that," Eddie gasps, bending to spread the cards out on the desk. They're all face down, so Steve can only admire the cool design on the back, but maybe after Eddie's finished reading into his future or whatever he'll let him look through all of them.

He explains some of what he's doing, and it seems simple enough. He asks Eddie a question, Eddie gets him to shuffle the cards, then there’s some kind of sorting thing, then he pulls a few of them.

"What would you like to ask?"

He's tempted to ask something… easy. Something that doesn't matter, and doesn't show Eddie the inside of his head. But Eddie had offered this in the first place because Steve had admitted that his thoughts have been all fucked up, he's been pretty lost these days.

"What should I do with myself this summer?"

Eddie nods, considering that as he gestures to the cards.

Steve carefully shuffles them around in a big mess, as instructed. It's kind of fun, and he takes his time before sitting back, relaxing.

"Okay, that should be all mixed up," he says, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. He's determined to try to be comfortable, even with Eddie looming over him, his arms crossed over his chest.

He looks really good from here.

"Good," Eddie says, bends to corral the cards back into order, tapping it into neatness before he sets it down. "Split the deck in half for me."

Steve leans forward, meaning to find the exact center, but he ends up going with his gut and splits it closer to the bottom. For whatever reason, he's more curious about what's buried deeper.

"Thank you."

Eddie chews on his lip as he thinks, eyes going from Steve to the cards and back against a few times before he smiles.

"Draw three cards from here," he says, tapping the shorter stack. "Place them face down in a row."

Steve follows his instructions.

While he doesn't really believe that the cards are magic or whatever, he does believe in Eddie's ability to create an atmosphere. He's not even being dramatic or loud or anything, but he's bringing such an earnest seriousness to it that makes Steve decide to take it seriously too.

"Okay. If this doesn't answer your question at all, we can do another run of it, with more cards," he says, leaning his palms on the table. "Though usually unless a question involves a lot of people or a lot of moving parts, three is perfectly fine to answer it."

Steve starts to feel nervous, so he just nods and watches Eddie’s hands, thinks about how clean Eddie's new rings look, wondering when they'll start to get worn in by life like the last ones.

Eddie turns over the first card.

"The Knight of Swords," he says, his dimples coming out even as he tries to suppress a smile. "Other cards in this suit can be a warning, but this one is generally good."

Steve swallows. He knows he doesn't want bad news, but Eddie told him this all wasn't like, his destiny anyway. It's more of a guidance thing, like he can choose to take it's message or not.

Eddie flips the next one.

"The Seven of Wands."

He doesn't say anything else about it yet, just thinks for a moment before moving on, flipping the last one.

"The Fool."

Steve's eyebrows raise, because that doesn't sound good.

"Okay," Eddie says, leaning back against the wall, playing with one of his shiny rings. "What I'm getting for this is that you're restless, and that instead of all of the freaky monster adventures you've had, you really need a good adventure. Something new, maybe something a little different than you're used to, but ultimately you need to relax and just do what you want."

Steve looks at The Fool, about to walk off a cliff, and feels skeptical.

"Won't I end up like that?" he asks, pointing at it.

"Don't take the pictures so literally," Eddie says, and Steve has to sigh at him. "Your energy is high, like a magnet for good things," he elaborates, pointing at the Knight of Swords.

Next he points at the Seven of Wands.

"You're probably doubting yourself, dealing with a lot of fear and uncertainty, but good things are in store if you just do what you're scared of anyway. You need to remember that you're in charge of your life now."

Steve gets a lump in his throat. He hasn't ever felt in charge of his life.

"And our Fool here, what he says is that you need to pick something and try it out, whether it works or not. Do it thoughtfully, but you don't have to think that hard about it."

"Oh," Steve says. He hadn't expected to feel so… encouraged. Taken care of. "That's nice of him."

Eddie laughs, his voice quieter when he leans back down against the desk.

"It sounds like it'll be a good summer for you," he says.

After Eddie had cleaned up the cards and Steve had successfully kept himself from crying, they went off on the first nice adventure of Steve's summer.

Eddie had put a couple joints in with his smokes, and then they wandered off on a late afternoon walk, right into the shady forest, where it's not too dark yet.

"You know," Eddie begins as they walk side by side even though the path is kinda narrow. "I think you'd make a good Knight."

Steve thinks it's so not fair how much that makes him blush. He has to duck his head and grin at the ground just so he doesn't like, tackle Eddie and kiss him on the mouth and plummet off of the cliff of his own foolish behavior.

"Yeah? Do you think there'd a Knight for a baseball bat with nails in it?" he asks, looking back up to keep up his eyes on the area. Mostly it’s tree branches and nothing tougher than a squirrel.

Eddie laughs, nudges up against him as he moves, and because it's like, June, it's warm enough that he's just in his new Hellfire t-shirt, the sleeves rolled up. That means the skin of their arms brush together and Steve's brain lights right up.

"A nailbat is kind of like a sword," Eddie muses, the warm look in his eye doing irreparable damage to Steve's self control. "I might be more interested in what kind of Fool you are, though."

Steve blushes harder, mourning how it'd started to go back down just a moment ago. There's no way Eddie could've known what he'd been thinking of doing, but he knows and so do the blood vessels in his face.

"Uh, I'm not sure," he lies, shrugging. "I guess we'll find out."

Eddie beams, slides an arm around his shoulders as he says something that gets totally lost – Steve's brain has honed in on Eddie's body and only that, his feet starting to trip over themselves as he takes in the solid way they fit together.

"Easy," Eddie murmurs as he makes sure he doesn't face plant. "Is it too hard to walk this way?"

It's a little awkward, but there's no way Steve's letting him go.

"Nah, just had two left feet for a second," he says, turning his face to smile at Eddie and – Christ – he's right there. He has to go cross eyed to get a good look at him.

His gut pulls hard but he breathes through it. If anything, he knows how to be a gentleman and not just do whatever the hell he wants. Maybe his instinct for self protection is pretty busted by now, but at least he's not about to go around kissing random men just because he wants to.

Eddie laughs, and his eyes must be going cross eyed too, because they dip down to stare at his mouth instead, his long eyelashes showing off their thick, sweet curve.

"Girls would kill to have your eyelashes," he says, pleased when Eddie opens his eyes wide, shocked.

"What?" he laughs, glancing at the path before looking back at Steve. He's glad that one of them is looking out for tree roots, because Steve can't bring himself to care about anything but the feeling of Eddie's breath on his face.

"Your eyelashes, they're really long and nice," he says, less afraid to compliment him than he'd thought. "Most girls wear mascara to get theirs to look like yours."

"Oh." Eddie grins, turning his head to duck it all bashfully, and Jesus, Steve recognizes himself in that. "Thank you."

Steve can see the stones crumble from the cliff under his foot, knocking their way down the side until they disappear. He's about to do something really stupid – foolish – but his composure falls away under the force of every side of Eddie he sees.

"Eddie?" he asks, waiting until their eyes meet. "Will you kiss me?"

Eddie stumbles, barely catches himself from landing flat on his face, pulling Steve half down with him.

"Uh," he says, a nervous laugh chilling the air. "Why?"

Steve swallows hard, planting his ass on the ground so he's not halfway between straddling him or getting up.

"Because even though I'm scared, I should ask about what I want, right?"

"Oh, okay," Eddie’s voice is thin and strangled. "Sure."

It's a yes despite how Eddie looks scared now, so Steve leans in and crushes their mouths together, falling freely among the stones of his trepidation. Eddie kisses him back like they’re standing on solid ground.

[guttednights]

You.

finally, you have done it. you had broken up with Simon. After months of torture, he sold as some forbidden paradise. the constant bickering, bossing you around, neglecting you, missing dates, and worst of all. not telling anyone he was even in a relationship. God it lit a fire so deep inside of you. you blocked his ass the second you broke up with him. sure it did no good cause he still had a key to your house but, that's a battle to deal with tomorrow. or at least you thought tomorrow. it was 2am and you had finally fell asleep

it wasn't long after you fell asleep you heard the door to your apartment being kicked down. you knew who it was immediately, I mean what other kind of physcopath just kicks down someone else's door?. you quickly get up wrapping a robe around you and walking out. there he is simon fucking Riley staring at you with pure anger.

"SERIOUSLY Y/N?!" "JUST LIKE THAT OUR 5-YEAR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER? OVER ONE FUCKING TEXT!"

as he gets closer, you back away.

"simon i explained everything in detail in that text." you spat with fiery. "I'm not doing this anymore" you look at you door, "and your buying me a new fucking door!"

He grabs you with anger and you panic, he would never hurt you. Right? he would never hurt you? shit I mean yeah he's a killing machine at work, but he's never been physically aggressive.

"thats what your fucking worried about right now? your stupid fucking door?" He practically shook you with his anger.

"Simon I'm not doing this, I already expressed that we're over. get out, Simon."

he towered over you, beginning to spit something at you, but held his mouth, sighing letting you go then turning around and walking out your broken door. attempting to shut it before disappearing.

you sighed as he walked away. it was really that easy all along? that's all it took? you questioned to yourself as you slammed your body into your broken door.

"fuck." you say to yourself as you realize the doors not gonna shut. you just hope for the best as you go back to bed. Simon is gone finally, you think to yourself as you finally fall asleep.

the next morning you wake up, and continue your usual routine. less than an hour later you walk out of your apartment, looking at the door trying to decide what to do. "we'll figure it out". you walk down your apartment complex before heading to work. it was a usual day at work. nothing too stressful.

it isn't 9:30 till you finally close up for the day. gripping your bag close to your side. your nail shop is down the street from a local bar, it's usually pretty busy during the weekdays. It is dark, and the lights from the bar light the walkway as you mindlessly walk. suddenly a drunken man from the bar grabs you.

"aye sweetheart why dont you sit down, and enjoy a drink eh?"

"no. thanks." you jerk away from him but he grabs your waist this time

"ah come on dont be unfriendly, lets have a chat sweetie. You too pretty to be sleeping on a beautiful night like this."

you chuckle trying to be nice "Yeah thanks but no" You attempt to jerk away again but this time the man pulls you hard

"Now dont be a bore," he says with anger as he drags you to the dark alleyway. this can't be how you die. for the first time in years, you're alone without Simon to call, everyone in the bar is too drunk to realize what's happening, and you're small compared to most men.

you panic as you try to break free, pushing him off at your most might. but he doesn't let go, his fingers practically dug into you. "please stop" you panic doing everything you can.

as soon as you start to scream, you hear a loud metal-sounding hit, you look back and see Simon standing over the man with a metal bat.

"she said leave her alone!" he boomed

the man held his head as he scurried off. you held your arm as you looked at him. you start to back up before Simon grabs you. "quit acting an idiot and go home." "before I actually have to kill someone."

you say nothing swallowing your pride and walking away but stopping. "are you fucking stalking me?"

"my stalking just saved your life sweetheart." "go home."

side notes/ babbling: I imagined Simon as joe Golberg in a alternate universe and viola came up with this. I really want to do a part 2, so lmk how y'all feel about this!!!

[yanyanderes]

The yandere self aware concept is so appealing to me

The guy's falling inlove with the person in another universe? Yes, that's amazing. But, when they're yandere? That's some good shit

Imagine Donnie is desperate for reader to be with them, to the point he builds a machine that's supposed to be impossible to build cause of all the multiverse stuff but hey, he IS in a cartoon world so it isn't that impossible

The reader's so confused when they get transported into the rottmnt world, trying to process the scenerio happening to them while the guy's are so happy to actually meet you! They can protect them properly now :)

Reader getting isolated in the guy's home isn't a far fetched idea. If it guarantees reader's safety, why not?

Hey, why're you trying to leave? We're keeping you safe here!

oooh man, this one’s an old one sent back in october.

sorry it took so long! didn’t have any ideas at the time, so i kinda let this sit in my drafts and forgot to get back to it-

but anyways, this one’s a long one, so i put it under the cut.

“…it actually…!”

“i know… genius… thank me later…”

“…alright? ….been unconscious for…”

“i’m sure… soon.”

the voices all blend together. they all seem so familiar… yet (y/n) isn’t able to pinpoint who they belong to, or where they’ve heard them from, especially when their ears are still ringing.

they groan, their head throbbing in agony. what… happened? one moment, they were watching some cartoons on their laptop, and then…

they manage to pry their eyes open, only to shield them again when a bright light practically blinds them.

the ringing doesn’t stop, but it dies down, allowing (y/n) to hear the voices more clearly. they crane their head to the side and see four figures. three stand off to the side, talking amongst themselves, while the fourth is right next to their aching figure.

as their vision clears, they can’t help but think… are they hallucinating? did they have a concussion? there’s no way this is actually happening…

the figure closest to them seems to finally realize they’ve woken up, judging by the way they call out to the others.

“guys! they’re awake!”

(y/n) tries to sit up, yet the moment they do, they clutch their head in agony, a yell escaping their throat as they curl into a ball.

“hey, hey, take it easy.“

a hand rubs circles on their back. the speaker’s voice sounded so concerned for their well-being… hang on. they know that voice- in fact, they know all their voices!

“it’s you-! ah!”

(y/n) turns their head quickly. maybe a bit too quickly, since the pain quickly gets worse and they clutch their head yet again.

“i just told you to take it easy! here, lay back down.”

large yet gentle hands rest on their shoulders, ushering them to rest. even so, (y/n) stays upright.

“i- i know you! i know all of you! you’re- no, there’s no way…”

do their eyes deceive them? the fuzziness in their eyes slowly dissipates, and-

no. no, they don’t. these are in fact four talking mutant turtles standing in front of them.

“there’s no way, no way! i’m dreaming, aren’t i?”

“no, this is no dream, we are all very much real.”

“but- you’re from a tv show! this- this is so weird.”

“you think that’s weird?! imagine being us! we’re just minding our business, testing out mystic weapons, when all of a sudden we hear cheering!”

what?

“not gonna lie, it was kinda creepy at first, but-“

“but you were so sweet, we couldn’t help but love it!”

mikey wraps his arms around (y/n) and pulls them into a hug, the sudden motion making them woozy yet again.

“you called us cool, you cried when we cried, you cheered us on!”

“you- you heard all that??”

“of course we did! and can i just say, you were absolutely adorable while you were gushing over us.”

it takes a moment for (y/n) to process all this information.

they wake up on a table with a throbbing headache… in one of their favorite cartoons… and now they’re being told the characters were watching them as well.

this is kinda cool, but mostly… really freaky. especially with the way they’re acting with them.

“i- um- thanks?”

(y/n) is admittedly really nervous talking to them face-to-face, especially after learning they had been listening to everything they said about them.

“i’m- it’s a pleasure to meet you, but… how am i here?”

“oh, you have me to thank for that! you see, with me being the genius i am, i managed to construct a machine that could transport you from your dimension into ours!”

he what.

“you… what?!”

“i know! incredible, isn’t it?”

“there’s a way to go back, right?”

“you wanna leave already?”

mikey’s excitement quickly dies hearing (y/n)’s words. he releases them from a hug, and they can see the panicked, almost frantic look in his eyes.

“i mean, it’s really nice meeting you all, i just… have a lot of business to catch up on in my world, and i’d like to get back as soon as possible.”

“but- but- there’s so much we still have to do!”

“and you said you loved us, didn’t you? every time you showed up, you’d be all over us!”

“i know, i just-“

their eyes dart to donnie, hoping he would butt in to help their case. donnie and leo give a quick glance at each other, with leo giving donnie a small nod.

“of course. we understand, pulling you from your dimension and forcing you into ours was wrong, and we apologize. we’ll get to work immediately to rectify our mistake.”

(y/n) lets out a relieved sigh, happy to hear they would be going home soon. though, was it just them, or was donnie acting a bit… off?

they had little time to think on it when mikey’s grip on them returns, this time nearly crushing their ribs.

“donnie, what’re you doing?! they can’t leave yet! raph, tell them they can’t leave yet!”

(y/n)’s gaze flickers over to donnie, who was currently working with the machine that had brought them there. however, they can’t help but worry for the strange noises that emit from the machine…

raph is quick to distract them by stepping in the way, blocking donnie from their field of vision. no matter how they crane their neck, raph seems determined to stay in their sights.

“before you go, why don’t you rest a bit? donnie said something about headaches, are you alright? need me to get you anything? drinks? food? pillows?”

“you can have all the drinks, food, and pillows you want if you stay!”

“but i can’t, i have a life to live! family to take care of, friends to visit, a home to go back to-!”

“this can be your new home!”

the desperation in mikey’s voice only gets more noticeable as he talks more and more.

“we’ll love you, we’ll take care of you! you won’t have to worry about visiting anyone! we’ll give you everything you want!”

by this point, (y/n) had started struggling to get out of mikey’s death grip. what is up with these guys?? they never acted like this in the show!

“i already told you, i can’t-!”

BOOM

they’re interrupted by an explosion off to the side. no. no, this isn’t happening. raph steps out of the way and, to (y/n)’s horror, reveals the completely obliterated machinery that was supposed to bring them home.

“oh dear! it looks like my invention has spontaneously combusted! what in the world could have caused such an unfortunate event?”

(y/n)’s knows that tone of voice. the almost robotic way of speaking donnie uses only when he’s trying to lie. he did this on purpose.

“ahh, such a shame.”

leo doesn’t even try to hide his lack of concern, given his relaxed- almost pleased- expression, and the way he wraps an arm around (y/n)’s shoulders.

“how long will it take to fix that thing?”

“if we’re lucky, perhaps a year.”

those monsters.

“oh well. hey, don’t worry about it! you’ll love it here!”

liars.

“we’ve been getting ready for this day for weeks! we’ve got a room just for you, with all your favorite snacks, and a bunch of games and movies we think you’ll enjoy!”

psychopaths.

“don’t worry, (y/n)! we’ll take care of you. we promise.”

‘take me home’.

didn’t know how to end this-

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Hey there! From the OC ship asks: 6, 14, 62, and/or 97 for whatever ships you'd like!

[ask game]

Hi, thank you for the ask! :] I'll just. Answer for all where an answer comes to mind xd

6. Who would ask the "would you love me if I were a worm?" question? How would their S/O answer?

Merrill would totally ask this when tipsy. The three of them would then get into a drunk sort-of-philosophical discussion about ethics and the intricacies of being a worm

Liam would ask it as a bit, Fenris would play into it, and Liam would have some silly punchline lol

Kala would ask it of the blue with no context, apparently 100% serious (probably??) Alistair would be totally stumped by the question and Kala would not elaborate on it or anything

June would ask this randomly too and Cullen would start sweating and frowning and asking why she is asking. No for real June why are asking WHAT are you planning?? She shrugs and says it's nothing (it was literally just a random thought said out loud)

14. What is something they argue about constantly? Is it a deep-seated issue or something small?

For Kala and Alistair one more serious disagreement that comes up now and then is about the Grey Wardens, since Kala doesn't feel much attachment or loyalty towards them and Ali, well, does. It never fully escalates but it's something they don't quite see eye to eye on.

Fenris and Liam occasionally have tension because of both of their overprotectiveness, which makes the other nervous, and gets Really Bad in the time after leaving Kirkwall for a while. They also have plenty less serious recurring arguments like how many pillows should be on the bed or whose turn it is to bathe the dog

Ari and Josephine sometimes get caught in a loop of "no you" of trying to get the other to take it easy, which sometimes gets both riled up, but at least when it comes to that they are both forced to admit that they are over-strained lol. Also post Trespasser they start disagreeing about Inquisition (?) (however that's called then) matters more often which uh. may or may not stem from disagreeing on more fundamental levels more often as well.

They do also love bonding by having tiny ridiculous argument about trivial things xd

June and Cullen start out arguing constantly about. practically everything lol. Even once they get civil-to-friendly they still argue about a lot of the same things, only now they're actually Getting Somewhere and Working Through Shit.

Later, one recurring argument is about June saying Cullen doesn't trust her enough vs. Cullen saying June is being too inconsiderate re: her tendency to get into Situations TM. He's overly anxious, June is quick to feel caged, it's something they gotta figure out together.

62. How would outside characters describe their relationship?

answered here :]

97. How do they wake their S/O up? Is it difficult to rouse them?

Liam has a habit of opening the windows in the morning which does wake Fenris up but does not make him get out of bed (cold! blankets nice and cozy!). By the time he's back from walking Skip though Fenris's had enough time to Actually Wake Up. With Liam the problem tends to be that he wakes up too easily rather than the other way round, and has trouble getting back to sleep once he's awake.

Lilian is a terrible morning grump but if you wake her after breakfast is ready then she will only be grumpy a little bit and will even do the dishes after (nothing like food to get you in a good mood u.u). If she's being extra crotchety or refuses to get up though then a cold wet cloth thrown in the face also works 👍It's rare that Lilian gets up first but when she does she usually doesn't wake Bela up.

June isn't easy to get out of bed but not too hard to wake up. a "good morning" and a lil shake on the shoulder will suffice but she Will need 3-5 business days (~20-40min) to actually get out of bed. The other way round, June likes getting one of the dogs to wake up Cullen lol. It's the quickest and the least likely to result in Lasting Grumpiness

Ari and Josephine are used to working on a schedule, so when they have time to sleep in they won't wake the other. But when they have trouble getting up cos they're sore or exhausted then Ari likes to bring Josie coffee (and pastries) to bed and Josie will sometimes give Ari shoulder massages

[torialefay]

As a stay, What is the type of person matching bangchan. and the one he can't be with?

Not in astrological terms, just your thoughts

I'm curious, thanks 👀

hi anon! that's a great question. one thing i want to point out before i say anything is that AT THIS POINT, i don't think chan knows what he really needs yet in a relationship. yes, he is mature and a sweet guy, but i don't think his job/life has allowed him to date around enough to know what type of person he NEEDS yet. he may think he knows what he wants, but until he has gone through a 1 or 2 longish-term relationships, i don't see him finding what he really needs. so i'm gonna write this based on who i think he will end up with!

what he needs:

• someone who is down to earth: channie grew up in aus, and from what he's said, it sounds like his family really had to make their own way there. i think he really values connections and happiness more than anything else... he wouldn't be able to be with someone who acted high-class all the time. it just wouldn't work.

• someone intelligent: chan is obviously very bright himself, so i think he could easily get bored in relationships where he wasn't being mentally stimulated. he would need someone who could both grab AND hold his attention with their wittiness. there's no doubt he finds smarts attractive.

• someone who can joke around: even though chan has to be in leader mode at times, he actually has a lot of playful boyish-ness to him. he is constantly cutting up with and teasing the members. he will need someone who he feels comfortable fucking around with- someone he feels like he can annoy and who will annoy him right back.

• someone more on the extroverted side (or an extroverted introvert): chan is a man of the people, let's be honest. he gets his worth and value from being with and helping others. he NEEDS to have a parter who will be open to going out and making connections with others as well. he would be so proud to have someone in his life as fun and friendly as he is... actually, he NEEDS it to feel like he's living as the truest version of himself.

• someone who is more laid-back: think of MBTI- he needs to find the "Perceiver" to his "Judger". chan likes to plan things, he likes to be organized, and he likes to know what's going to happen ahead... he works himself to death trying to make sure all of these things happen. if this gets taken too far for him, it can lead to a lot of anxiety. instead, he needs someone who is more along the "live and let live" mantra. he needs someone that can calm him when he needs it most.

• someone beautiful who takes good care of themselves: he's a visual person, he's said it himself. even if he doesn't say it, he likes seeing his partner get all dressed up for him. yes, they look beautiful, but it makes him feel special as well... that they'd get all dolled up and pretty for him. and like i hinted at before, he does hold a lot of "Type A" qualities, so someone who was always clean & smelling good is a must for him. for sureeee

• someone nurturing: he needs someone to look after him. point blank. he's so busy taking care of others that it can be easy for him to neglect himself. he's not had a CLOSE mother figure in his life (😢) since he was 15- baby's been doing it all on his own! i think if he was given that kind of unconditional love and attention, he would absolutely thrive

• a strong communicator: he is great at talking to people about what he WANTS to talk aboht or HAS to talk about- otherwise he's shit at bringing up the hard stuff. he needs someone who will make him feel comfortable opening up fully and teaching him that it's alright to be vulnerable.

who he cannot be with:

• someone who isn't confident: a lot of people will disagree with this one BUT i have a really strong feeling about it. although chan is learning to be more confident in himself, he still really lacks a lot. he does err towards the side of neuroticism as well (anxiety/depression/insomnia/etc), so if he is with someone who is also like this, it would end up being emotionally draining for him. he just doesn't have the tools equipped to be with someone who has the same insecurities he does. and although he does like to help people work through things, this cannot be a constant thing for him. he has to have someone sure of themselves.

• someone with a big ego: chan doesn't think of himself as someone who is better than others, no matter how much money he makes. i don't see him being with someone who thinks they are "too good" for something

• someone who is closed-off or stubborn: chan is a super open-minded person, and i don't think he'd be able to get along with a partner otherwise. he'd want someone who would give into his wildest fantasies or fun conversations about the occult, the meaning of life, etc. he needs someone who can be fluid.

• someone who isn't adventurous: chris has said it before, but he loves to travel and make new memories. he would definitely want someone to be his travel buddy when he had the chance to take off somewhere. someone who is a homebody or unwilling to try new foods and new activities i think would make him feel like he was being dragged down

• someone who doesn't have emotional depth: chan needs someone to engage him on an emotional level. he can't do a superficial relationship- he really just can't. if someone isn't in tune to his emotions or is just so far out of whack from him, i think he will move on until he finds someone who does, or alternatively, he will learn to just hide his emotions away and settle in the unrest :(

BUT these are just my thoughts. pls let me know what you do & don't agree with and if you have any other opinions! i'd love to hear them ❤️❤️

[lixenn]

🖤 BLACK HEART  ,  🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER  *&🤔 THINKING FACE , for dave!

Dave is getting all the love 💕✨Thanks for the ask Mimi!!

(Dave: See Chief, I'm the favourite! Everybody adoooores me~

Chief: And I should care about that why? Less whoring for attention and more getting back to work, menace. These budget reports won't write themselves.

Dave, pouting: Chief is such a meanie, a buzzkill, a real butthead.

Chief, staring blankly at the wall: I'm surrounded by children.

Dave, stomping his foot: A Butthead!!)

🖤 BLACK HEART — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?

Dave's past is shrouded in darkness and pain, so yes he has killed but only once and he certainly hurt his fair share of people. The streets aren't kind to you, especially when you are a colourful troublemaker who can't keep his nose out of other people's business.

He has broken a couple hearts because Dave likes sex, he sleeps around but he isn't really interested in a romantic relationship and sometimes he fails at communicating that which leaves behind tears and distress. As for trust: Yes, he breaks that too (Dave just likes wrecking shit apparently lol) in this case it's intentional, because Dave has a past as a conman and even now he tricks people into trusting him so he can get information which he will use for his own gain.

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

Pranking

While this can't really be considered a hobby and more of a lifestyle Dave is a prankster at heart and spends most of his free time (and work time let's be real here) trolling people and is just a general pain in the behind. It started off as call for attention, turned into a coping mechanism and now it's just part of his personality lol.

Drawing

Dave likes to doodle. Be it on boring paperwork, his arms, the desk, nothing is save from Dave's pen. When he finds time he will even get out the watercolours and paint. He mostly does landscapes but sometimes he dips into portraits when someone captures his attention. He actually painted Vlasta several times when they were in full scary make up because he finds the general vibe of their look super cool. (He loves it especially when it's colourful).

People watching and gossip

Dave is a people person. He likes being surrounded by them, he likes figuring out how they tick, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry and what would make them break. So, he talks and observes and talks some more. Collecting, categorizing and even hoarding information is another one of Dave's coping mechanisms. But also: he just a damn noisy bastard 🤣

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

You could hold a gun to Dave's head and order him to hold still, he would still wiggle and squirm, because he's incapable of not moving. He talks with his hands, spins his pen, taps his foot. Also, he talks fast and informal, includes slang in his speech.

A smile is a permanent fixture on his face and laughing comes easy to him. He will smile and joke and hide but when he's reallly truly serious his mask drops and people see the cold calculation underneath.

OC details

[lexio11]

More of my fav Polycule (GalliReiConJean)

Reiner/Jean: The first to get together. They had their whole "I hate you but I don't want anything to happen to you" storyline from the history, and it wasn't long after the war that they got together. They love each other very much, and got married in less than a year or so after starting their relationship

Conny/Jean: The embers of this started before Reiner and Jean got reunited. Jean was lonely during the Timeskip, and him and Conny started to hang out together more after Sasha started getting along with Nicolas more. It wasn't long before they started a Friends-with-Benefits situation. It ended after the war and Jean and Reiner got together, but no longer after they were married, it was actually Reiner himself that brought up how he noticed Jean and Conny still send each other heated gazes, and gave them his blessings to date (Conny tops)

Reiner/Porco: Porco in this AU survived the war, and he actually started to hang around the trio cause they were more his humor than the others. He always had feelings for Reiner, but hide them under anger and resentment. Just like Conny/Jean, it was Jean himself who noticed how Porco kept looking at Reiner, so he himself went to Reiner and talked about him giving Porco a chance.

Conny/Porco: This one is easy. Both Conny and Porco just saw that they were both dating one of the ReiJean pair, and naturally concluded "well, we might as well sleep together too". They don't have feelings for each other, not really, but they like each other's company and think the other is hot (of course Conny still tops)

Reiner/Conny: Conny sees Reiner as kind of a big brother figure ever since the Cadets days, and for Reiner it's the same but little brother figure. They don't have feelings for each other either, but it's no issue for them to touch each other and kiss whenever they are having a threesome/foursome with the other two

Jean/Porco: The snarky little shits, they butts heads a lot but it really isn't much serious. They are the definition of "and they were both bottoms", but they make it work whenever Reiner or Conny are busy or want a show.

[clericofshadows]

feeling numb, lost in time

Description: Regis and Zaeed continue to rekindle their relationship, Regis learns more disturbing details about his resurrection, and Regis and Kaidan finally reunite, temporarily.

Paring: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Regis Shepard/Zaeed Massani, Regis Shepard/Zaeed Massani/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: E

Word Count: 17K

note: sequel to unresolved feelings.

As they sat down to eat in his cabin, Zaeed cleared his throat. "Heard back from Kaidan yet?"

  "Not yet, but it's been a day. I won't worry until it's been a bit longer," Regis replied, setting down his utensils. "I have to ask, did you two ever catch up while I was gone?"

  He nodded. "We did. Couple of months after your death, we met up on Earth.  Reconciled. Became lovers and wanted to take things one day at a time... And we watched that video you recorded."

  Of course.  That video.  The one where Regis wanted Kaidan to move on while keeping his ring safe. 

  Looking back, it seemed like an easy request to make, never thinking of the alternative of it being lost somehow. 

  Instead, he gave Kaidan an impossible promise.

  "I'm glad he had you, and that he actually listened to my wishes.  Looking back, I shouldn't have put so much damn pressure on the ring. I'm still pissed that it's gone," Regis said, rubbing his face. 

  "I won't lie to you, I think that fucked him and your mother up more than they'd both like to admit."

  Regis sighed. "I'm not surprised.  It meant a lot to my mother.  And Kaidan was just waiting for me to ask.  Hell, I was going to drag your ass to the Alenko's when I was going to ask after the mission. But we never had time, and I wanted the proposal to be perfect." Regis couldn't keep the bitterness out of his tone. 

  "The two of you were perfect, I don't blame you for wanting your goddamn fairy tale ending," Zaeed said, a small smile gracing his face. "Don't think I intentionally kept my thing with Kaidan hidden from you after our last conversation about us." Zaeed paused, seemingly trying to find the right words. 

  Regis interrupted him before he could continue. "Honestly, it's not necessarily my business.  Am I glad you told me?  Yeah.  But I'm just happy to hear you two had each other, even if it was only for a brief moment."

  "We made it work, although it's been a while since we were able to talk for an extended time.  Hell, I even met some of the Alenko family and your uncle."

  "No shit?" Regis's face broke out into a grin. "How much of an ass was Adrian about the whole thing?"

  "Nah, he was alright.  I can see where you get your bluntness and fashion sense from.  Even found out about who Vik's mysterious human beau was."

  Regis laughed. "Hell of a connection. Figured you would know Vik since you were in Omega all this time. Even they visited?"

  Zaeed nodded. "Oh yes, they were enjoying fucking around with Adrian. But they were mostly there to give a message to Kaidan, and to teach him a few new tricks."

  "A message?" Regis asked, raising an eyebrow. 

  Zaeed frowned. "Again, don't think I intentionally hid this from you.  Hell, it slipped my mind after not hearing anything about it since that meet up."

  More secrets?  Regis knew a lot happened while he was gone, two years isn't a short amount of time. 

  But the last person he thought would keep secrets from him was sitting across from him. 

  Regis narrowed his eyes. "Go on."

  "Vikram heard some things going on in Omega involving that asari you recruited, T'Soni, working with a known Shadow Broker agent and even with Cerberus, but couldn't get anything out of Aria," Zaeed explained. "And Aria wouldn't budge without some serious concessions.  There was some kind of cargo involved, but Vik never found out what."

  T'Soni in bed with a Shadow Broker agent and consulting with Cerberus... What the hell was she thinking?

  "Do you think she'll budge now that I'm alive?" Regis damn near growled out. "I never wanted T'Soni on my damn ship, and now I'm hearing she was working with a Shadow Broker agent?  And she was talking to Cerberus?   Is she crazy?"

  Regis stood up, his meal forgotten. "We're plotting a course to Omega. I'm getting to the bottom of this."

  "Regis, sit your ass down and finish your food before you do anything." Zaeed said, motioning to the food on the table. 

  Some of the fire left him, knowing Zaeed was right.  Regis was normally not this impulsive, but being stuck on this ship has caused him to be... Less than himself. 

  A part of him wondered if all this is a side effect of his fucking resurrection.  

  He sat back down with a sigh, picking up the fork and stabbing at the chicken. "I just want Kaidan to respond already.  You said that Vik told him specifically?"

  "Yeah, but like I said, I never heard anything more."

  "I believe you," Regis sighed. "God, this whole situation is fucked. I hate not being in the loop. I hate not knowing things.  And I hate that Cerberus, at the moment, seems to be the only answer to this human disappearance problem!"

  Zaeed raised his bottle in agreement. "Let it all out. At least I'm making their pockets less heavy."

  "That you are."

  His omnitool lit up with a message.  Regis glanced down at it and inhaled sharply when he noticed it was from his personal server. 

  KA: Meet me in Omega.  I’ve attached a date and time.

  Short and sweet, nothing like their previous communications.  Regis tried to not take it personally. 

  But it still hurts all the same. 

  He showed the message to Zaeed. "We have enough time to pick up the warlord before heading over."

  Regis nodded, typing up a reply.  

  RS: I'll be there.  Want me to bring Massani?

  A few moments passed and another message popped up. 

 KA: Please do.  We all have a lot to talk about, especially you and me. 

Wish you would've talked to me sooner. 

  Zaeed gave him a look that screamed 'I told you so,' but he had enough tact to not say it out loud. Surprisingly. 

  RS: I'm sorry.  I wish I did, too. But Cerberus's claws were into too much shit, and frankly, I was worried about you. 

  Regis took a picture of the photo that rested on his desk.  He couldn't bring himself to trash it or flip it down, but the reminder of the mystery of how Cerberus got their hands on the photo still bothered him. 

  RS: This was in my quarters when I got here, and I have it on somewhat good authority that they didn't recover my personal effects.  Perhaps I let it get to me too much, but knowing what this photo represents?  Yeah, I was fucking worried. 

  KA: I get it. No need to explain yourself to me. I understand. 

  I have a theory of how they got their hands on that.  I might even be able to confirm it when we get to Omega. 

And thanks for sending me all those files, but I won't start to feel better until I actually see you, love. 

  Love. That simple endearment caused Regis's eyes to water, and he wiped at them. Fuck. 

  RS: Same for me.  God, I've missed you so much Kaidan, and I know that barely compares to the hell of these past two years.  I'm sorry. 

  KA: Stop apologizing.  We're here now. And we will make it work. 

That's what we've always promised each other when things got hard, right?  You've always said that if we can survive BAaT and Torfan we can survive anything. 

  He was right.  Of course, he was right.  

  Doesn't mean Regis wasn't afraid now. 

  KA: I have to go.  Still got shit to do before I can be on 'leave.'

  RS: ‘Leave'?

  KA: Technically, my visit is under supervision by Hackett. Long story.  

Maybe I'll tell you about it soon. 

  RS: I look forward to it. 

  KA: I do too. 

  Regis logged out of the server with a sigh. "Now all I'm going to be thinking about during our next recruitment is this."

  "It'll be nice to see him again.  We haven't talked much since I joined your crew," he said, pushing his clean plate away from him. "Come here."

  Much?  So they have talked?  Regis wanted to pry, but he didn’t feel like it was his business.  Why should he be privy to all the interactions between Zaeed and Kaidan?  

  He’s the one that was too much of a damn coward to talk to him immediately.  And after being stonewalled by Anderson… Regis wasn't too keen on disrupting the balance.  

  Regis smiled softly and leaned over, resting his head on his shoulder.  "Thanks."

  "No need to thank me." Zaeed said, wrapping an arm around him. "I could tell you needed it."

  "Am I really that obvious?"

  "Only to me." 

  Only to those he lets in.  Only to those he loves and trusts. 

  Such a small number.  Kaidan.  Ashley.  Zaeed. 

  Tali almost made that list.  Maybe if they had more time together.

  Perhaps even Hackett could be added, being able to read him a little too well and always being one of the few in command he could trust.

  Some might call it loneliness.   Regis doesn't see it that way.  He considers it survival. 

  Regis made himself more comfortable on the couch, laying down on Zaeed's lap. "Start staying with me in my quarters. I don't give a fuck about what anyone has to say about it." 

  He glanced up and saw Zaeed's small smile.  Regis wanted to reach up, pull him down, and kiss that smile off his face.

  But he wasn’t sure if he was ready to take that step.  Not before talking to Kaidan.

  And yet, he was preparing his quarters so Zaeed could move in and share his bed.  What a fucking mess.  

  Perhaps a small part of him worried about the rumors.  Word travels fast on a frigate.  In truth, he doesn't care for the opinions of anyone on this ship.  Only the man he's slowly bringing himself to love again.  

  Though, he really didn't want to hear what Moreau would have to say about it after their last argument.  All he knows is how devoted he and Kaidan were to each other and nothing else.

  "And I'll be here to tell them to fuck off.  I'll move some of my stuff up here," he said. 

  "Need a hand?" Regis asked, not making any sort of effort to move.

  "Nah, not right now." Zaeed turned to look at the tank. "I'm surprised you haven't tried to drain that monstrosity."

  "I've considered it," he admitted. "But I haven't had the time to figure out how I want to retrofit it with what we have."

  “Hey, EDI,” Zaeed said.

  “Yes, Massani?” she asked, waiting for his request.

  “Can we drain the fish tank?” He asked.

  “Next time we are docked, I can start the process of recycling the water.  Should I inform the crew to start the process of removing the tank entirely?" She asked. 

  He wasn't entirely enthused at the idea of Cerberus crew in his cabin, but if on their next mission they were able to get rid of it, it was a small price to pay. 

  "Please do," Regis replied. "And if they could rig something together to turn it into some shelving, that would be perfect."

  "I'll inform the crew of your orders. They will get started on it immediately during your next mission."

  “Thanks,” he said.

Again, Zaeed looked quite smug.  “Do I have to solve all your problems for you?”

  “Fuck off,” Regis bit back with no real bite.  “I hate needing to rely on Cerberus for anything.”

  Zaeed tangled his fingers in his hair, starting to toy with and massage his curls.  Regis closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into the touch.  “I know.  Trust me, you’ve made your opinion on everything very clear,” Zaeed said. 

  “Good.  I’d hate for them to think I’ve started to accept any of them.”

  Zaeed chuckled, the rumbling sound a comforting one.  “Keep up that attitude.  It’s very attractive.”

  “Oh really?” Regis rose up from his lap, batting away his hands.  “You like me angry?”

  “Well, yes,” Zaeed admitted, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer.  “But what’s really attractive is you sticking to your goddamn convictions.”

  Regis made a shocked sound as Zaeed pulled him in closer, their foreheads nearly touching.  They stayed in that position for a moment.  Regis didn’t quite meet Zaeed’s gaze, not wanting to find out what was waiting behind those mismatched eyes.

  He wanted to lean in, to claim that mouth and to relearn each other after years apart.  To seek comfort in the only person he really trusts on the ship.

  Zaeed leaned in and brushed a kiss against his lips, barely touching but enough all the same.  Regis parted his lips with a sigh, turning his head and chasing him for more.

  “What do you want, Regis?” He asked, cupping Regis’s neck lightly.

  “I want you,” Regis admitted, finally meeting his gaze.  “But I also want Kaidan, and I don’t know how we should even approach this.”

  Wanted Kaidan?  Yes, of course he did.  

  In reality, he needed Kaidan.  Ten years together torn away by some fucking assailant. 

  And Regis wasn't going to waste the chance he had to try and get that back. 

  “We can take it one step at a time.  I don’t think you’re ready for something heavy right now,” Zaeed replied.  “I can wait until we all talk, okay?  I think it will be better for all of us.”

  He was right, once again.

  Regis nodded, closing his eyes.  “I still want you here with me.  I don’t like sleeping alone.”

  “I know,” he said softly.  Regis leaned in for another kiss, sighing into the embrace and allowing himself to take charge of the moment, parting Zaeed’s lips with his own and tasting the man he had wanted ever since that excursion on Omega all those years ago.

  Regis climbed into his lap and pressed Zaeed against the back of the couch, tangling his fingers into his thinning hair and feeling that rough skin in his hands.  They fit together so well, as if no time had passed, and they were still in that dim-lit hotel room in the depths of Omega, enjoying exploring each other for the first time.

  When they finally broke the kiss, Zaeed rested his hands on Regis’s hips, looking up at him with an open expression.  “You’re so goddamn beautiful, you know.”

  “Even with all these scars?  The glowing eyes?  I’m no longer–”

  Zaeed scoffed.  “You’re no longer, what?   You’re Regis goddamn Shepard, sitting here in front of me, alive.  Are you going to blast me across the room for daring to say that you look beautiful even with those scars?  They are a sign that you are here with us, again.  I’ll say it again, because clearly the first time wasn’t enough: You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

  “I guess they do look pretty badass,” Regis admitted with a small smile, even if they were a stark reminder that he wasn’t the same Regis back during the Saren mission.  “Chakwas offered to look into healing them for me, but she said they would be triggered by stress.  If I had time, I would go back on my degree and see if I could design a better way for them to trigger rather than these scars all on my body.”

  “Right, your cybernetics education.  Bet you had a lot to say after reading those reports about your resurrection,” Zaeed said, running his hands up and down his sides.

  Regis leaned into the touch.  “Oh, yes.  Lots of inefficiencies.  Didn’t see a single mark of an actual specialist, just a bunch of fucking generalists.”

  Zaeed was grinning at him.  “Not only are you the most dangerous motherfucker on the ship, but I’d also say you are one of the smartest.”

  Regis smiled under the praise, feeling his cheeks heat up.  “You keep up this praise, and I might have to take a cold shower.”

  “I’ll stop,” Zaeed chuckled.  “I’m going to go bring up some of my stuff.  I won’t stop you if you want to take that shower.”

  Regis laughed.  “After you get your shit in my cabin, and if I'm still in there… Join me."

  Feeling a bit bold, he decided to throw it out there.  It wasn't anything more than just an excuse to be intimate with Zaeed, but he wanted to see all of him again, count any new scars and new ink he might've gained. 

  And to get the reassurance from another that he is still Regis goddamn Shepard. 

  "Just to shower with you and see all of you again?  Take all the goddamn time in the world," Zaeed said with a wink.  Regis climbed off his lap and kissed his cheek, slipping off his jacket and tossing it onto the bed.  

  "It still surprises me that Cerberus kept all that ink," Zaeed observed, not hiding the fact that he was staring at Regis's muscled arms.  

  "Me too," Regis admitted, staring down at the intricately redone black porcelain flowers on this left arm, and the Yggdrasil tree on his right arm.  "They wanted me, scars, ink, and piercings included."

  He didn't say to Zaeed that in the report Lawson gave him there were many talks about making him perfect, a blank slate: no scars, no ink, no piercings. 

  Even his eyes were nearly brought back to their original color, restored to before he modded them to be a dark red.   If he had caught a reflection of himself and saw the wrong color reflected back at him?

  He would not have been as merciful on that damn station. 

  It worked in all their favor that he was brought back exactly the way he was. 

  "Good.  It wouldn't be you otherwise.  I'll be back in a bit.  Don't have much to bring with me. I'll keep some shit down there," Zaeed said, brushing past him. 

  The door shut softly behind him.  Regis shed the rest of his clothes and told EDI to give Zaeed full authorization and access to his quarters and to keep this access for his and Zaeed's eyes only. 

  Just in case someone on the ship tried to snoop. 

  He stepped inside the shower, first turning the water to nearly scalding hot and sighing under the instant relief.  He took a moment to just stand over the water, letting it run over his tired body. 

  Unfortunately, this Cerberus shower was far better than any of the ones on the Normandy SR-1.  The pressure was high, the water warm, and the water rations were generous.

  He had to take comfort where he could.  He grabbed the bottle of citrus-scented shampoo and started scrubbing at his curls, deciding to do a full wash to waste some time.  And to give Zaeed enough time to maybe join him.

  Regis was too far gone on the man, granted with the opportunity to be close to him once more.  

  The one good thing that came of his resurrection , a traitorous voice in his mind reminded him.  Giving him and Kaidan another chance.

  As he washed out the suds, he faintly heard the door of his cabin opening.  Another thing Cerberus granted him.  Better hearing.

  He wasn’t the biggest fan of that change, having to readjust on the fly, getting used to hearing faint sounds and louder ones being amplified.  Not the best for his migraine inducing L2.

  Another aspect of his resurrection that shocked him.  But he wouldn’t be Regis Shepard without it.

  He grabbed the conditioner and started working it into his curls, still sticking to his meticulous routine even to this day onboard a warship.  A comfort he allowed himself, splurging on his favorite products with Cerberus’s nigh unlimited funds after their last trip to the Citadel.  

  A knock sounded on the bathroom door.  Always such a gentleman.  “Come in,” Regis said, turning down the heat slightly and rinsing out his hair.

  Zaeed stepped inside the shower with a sigh.  Regis took him in with a heated gaze, noticing a new flash of ink on his side.  As Zaeed settled behind him, Regis turned around to get a better look at the new tattoo.  

  It was a recreation of some of the porcelain flowers on Regis’s arm, twisting and turning with vines surrounding them, starting at his hip and stopping mid-thigh.  

  “When did you get this?” Regis asked softly, brushing his fingers against the ink.

  “When do you think?” Zaeed asked roughly, his already gravelly voice tinged with something more.

  Fuck.  Regis closed his eyes, fingers hovering over the tattoo. 

  “Look at me, Regis,” he said, grabbing Regis’s chin. “Kaidan and I both got some ink to remember you.  I combined your tree and your flowers.  Ask him about his when you two meet up.”

  Regis moved his head sharply, releasing Zaeed’s grip on him.  He turned around, the water beating down on his face.  Taking a deep breath, he tried to settle himself, the knowledge of what his absence did suddenly bearing down on him in a way it hadn’t before.

  Yes, he knew that time was lost.  Yes, he knew the Alliance turned him into some great figurehead.  Yes, he knew that his loved ones mourned him.

  But somehow that damn tattoo symbolized exactly what his death did to those he cared about.  A symbol of their love.

  Why else would Zaeed get something so large and so intricate?  

  Zaeed reached over to turn off the water.  “Breathe for me, Regis.”

  He took a shuddering breath, yanking one of the towels off the rack and wiping down his face.  

  “Why was it that ?  I’ve known I’ve lost two fucking years since I woke up on that damn table, but–” Regis took another deep breath, his eyes stinging with tears.  

  Zaeed took the towel out of his arms and wrapped it around him.  “It was bound to hit you eventually.  Goddamn, you’ve been running on fumes since I’ve been here.”

  Regis sniffed, letting the tears fall.  “I never asked for this.  Shouldn’t I be thankful that I’m back?  So that Kaidan and my mother and Adrian and you can have me back?”

“No, you should feel however you need to feel.” Zaeed reached over to grab the other towel, wrapping it around his waist.  “Your death and your life was taken away from you.”

  “And now my fucking name is ruined.  My career and goodwill with the Alliance is gone, the council will likely never admit another human Spectre in our lifetime after this disaster,” he spat out.  “I never asked for this.”  He felt like he was going to collapse.  Zaeed held onto him, guiding him out of the bathroom and towards the bed.  

“Dim the fucking lights, EDI,” Zaeed barked.  “And we better not be disturbed until tomorrow.”

  EDI affirmed his request, the lights dimming down, the fish tank turning off completely.  

  Zaeed wrapped the blanket at the foot of the bed around him, holding onto Regis tightly as Regis sobbed , faced with the reality of his situation, so raw and unyielding.  Zaeed rested his chin on his head, keeping Regis tucked in close.  He rubbed his back, fingers ghosting up and down, tracing the lines of his cybernetic heart tattoo.  

  “He never stopped loving you, and neither did I,” Zaeed said.  “We both decided to get some ink after I met the family, you know.”

  Regis wiped his face with the edge of the towel.  “I love you too,” he said.  “I loved you then, and I love you now,” he repeated, clinging onto him.  “None of this is fucking healthy, and it won’t stop until we’re free. ”

  “I love you too,” Zaeed repeated, cupping his face and wiping away still-falling tears with his thumb.  “And I’d have to agree,” he chuckled, and Regis noticed his eyes were shining in the dim light.  “Kaid and I joked a little too much about how we got together.”

  “Sorry about that,” Regis wetly laughed.  “Figured it was the only way I could get Kaidan off his ass.”  And then he went back to what Zaeed said.  “Wait a minute, Kaid? ”

  “He seemed to like it,” Zaeed defended. 

  “I’m not saying he wouldn’t.” Regis couldn’t help but laugh, some of the tension leaving him.  “Didn’t think you were the nickname type.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not about to start calling you Reggie,” he said with a grin.

  Regis was going to kill Adrian and Vik once he got out of this mess.

  “They didn’t ,” Regis said, clearing his throat.  "Assholes."

  "You love it though. Kaidan said you did," Zaeed said, brushing away wet curls from his face. Regis batted his hand away. 

  Regis relented. "Yeah, I did.  Hannah was never one for nicknames.  Uncle Adri gave it to me when I was still a kid.  Vik calls me it more than he ever did.  Knew it riled me up the older I got." Regis wiped his eyes and let out a yawn. "Fuck, I'm exhausted."

  "Talking about shit is exhausting," Zaeed agreed. "But did it help?"

  A bit.  He felt a little looser, a little freer now. 

  But he wouldn't feel better until he was truly out of this mess. 

  "Some," he admitted. "Thanks."

  "Don't thank me.  It's what I'm here for."

  Regis met his gaze and wrapped his arms around him tighter, clinging onto him. "I hate that you're here, but I'm so goddamn glad that you are."

  "I know," he whispered. "I know."

  Eventually, they'll break apart.  Regis will dry his hair, get changed into comfy sleep clothes, wash his face and curl up in his embrace under the warm sheets, until the next day's mission where he'll be back to being the Butcher. 

  For now, he'll take comfort in the fact that he has someone he can trust, who knows him and said those three words that he often dreamed about. 

    Regis wasn't quite sure if he'd call the warlord dossier a success as he stood in front of the tank now taking space on board his ship. 

  Should he open it?  Should he send it to Tuchanka and let the krogans make that choice?

  He's sure as hell not about to let Cerberus do anything with it. 

  At least they had managed to remove the fish tank in his cabin while they were on the mission.  Thankfully he doesn't have to deal with that waste of space anymore. 

  Kasumi stood next to him, leaning against the wall. "Someone's in a brooding mood."

  "When am I not?" He bit back with no real bite. "Damn near every recruitment I've been on has gone to shit somehow."

  "Solus's went well."

  "We had to help cure a fucking plague," Regis chuckled. "That wasn't on the agenda."

  "Neither was you coming back to life, but hasn't that worked in a lot of our favors?" She teased. 

  Regis shrugged, not quite sure how to react to that. "Depending on who you ask."

  She tilted her head to the side.  "Nice deflection, and perhaps I shouldn’t have worded it like that, but you're right.  Can't imagine Miss Lawson being too happy with you right now."

  Kasumi was sometimes way too perceptive, but sometimes it worked in his favor.  Like now.  He wasn’t keen on informing everyone how much hearing about his resurrection bothered him.

  Somehow, talking about him dying was easy.  The resurrection brought feelings of violation and rage that wouldn’t be sated until he finds out who removed his right to death and peace.

  Regis rolled his eyes. "Like I give a fuck."

  She only smiled in response, her gaze turning back to the cryo tank.  “Lots of power draw in here.  Not very efficient, and if we wait too long, we risk having to power it through our systems or just spacing the thing.”

  “What do you suggest I do, then?  I’ve weighed a lot of options and none of them are that appealing.”

  “Worried about a krogan going on a rampage?  Don’t blame you.  I suggest you open it with a gun in one hand and those terrifying Warps of yours in another,” she suggested.  

  Regis pondered it for a moment.  “I’ll deal with it after our short leave comes up.  I’ll have a clearer head then.”

  "Already giving back to the crew?  What's in it for you?" She asked with a smirk. 

  Regis matched her expression. "Lots."

  "Good. Need me to run interference in anything?  Surprised you chose Omega as all places," she replied, crossing her arms. 

  "I don't think so, but I'll let you know.  I'm meeting someone."

  "Someone?  The great Regis Shepard isn't just meaning someone. "

  Regis shook his head. "It's a good thing I like you. I'm meeting with Kaidan."

  "That beau in your little picture frame?" She asked. "And an upcoming Alliance soldier that is outshining his peers.  Nearly an N7.  Making waves and murmurs across the 'net."

  "Matches up with what little I got from Anderson," he said. "Your sources say anything else?"

  He still was bitter after that meeting. All these years loyal to the Alliance, staying with them despite their reaction to his Torfan decision and despite his hesitancy to take up the Spectre title. 

  And it meant fucking nothing in the end. 

  "Not really. He's mysterious.  And I like that." She grinned. 

  "And I want you to keep it that way," Regis said with a pointed look.

  She didn’t budge, waving off his concerns.  "Sure. I like secrets, but I like keeping them just as much.  I hope your meeting goes well."

  "Thanks. And after this, I'll arrange to go to Bekenstein.  Didn’t you say another dinner party was coming up soon?"

  She lit up. "I really appreciate that, Regis."

  "Of course. Anything for a friend."

  "A friend?  I'm glad I’ve gained your trust. We're going to have lots of fun getting what’s mine back.”  She kicked off from the wall and started walking towards the door. "Be seeing you."

  Regis walked out behind her, waving her off as she headed towards the elevator.  He kept going to Zaeed's haunt, but as he was about to open the door, his omnitool pinged with an unknown message. 

  He frowned and scanned it, checking for anything out of the ordinary.  His program caught some stray hexes that didn't quite line up, and after pushing it through, he slowly broke out into a smile, recognizing the signature from a mile away. 

  Vikram.  Of course they would try to get through to him. 

  Never underestimate a determined matriarch.  Especially one who had basically adopted Regis as their own.

  He let the message through. 

  Reggie, dear, I understand the silence from you, we all do.  But, if you're able, please send me a vid request.  If only so I can get a good look at you. 

  Your favorite uncle misses you so dearly.  He's currently out on a run, likely won't be back on Earth for a while.  But he is in Terminus, which is where I hear you're hanging out. 

  Promise me this if you don't reply back: Be safe, and wipe Cerberus from the galaxy.  With what I've heard, I know it's you aboard that ship. 

  He couldn’t even be mad at the Reggie comment.  

  “Are you just going to stand there?" Zaeed asked as he walked up to the door, clothed in a loose tank top and a spare pair of fatigues. 

  "Got a message from Vik," Regis explained, walking inside to sit down on the cot. "Of course, it took me a minute to scan and decode the damn thing, but it’s them.”

  Regis showed the message to Zaeed, who glanced over it quickly.  “I suppose Anderson relayed the message that you’re alive to your family,” he commented.  

  “Probably,” he sighed.  “Not that it does any of us any good knowing the shit I’m in.”

  “No, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to see what they want to say.”

  “I know, I’m going to try and send a vid request through my private server, and let Vik get access so he can hook Adrian and my mother up with it. And maybe after meeting with Kaidan I can get Ash in there, and even Hackett so I can siphon some info to them,” Regis rambled on, listing off his plans.  “I need to set the narrative straight as soon as I can, because the longer I’m here–”

  “The more you get involved with Cerberus,” Zaeed finished for him.  

  “Exactly.”  Regis typed up a request and sent it through, knowing Vik will be able to get patched in easily.

  Soon enough, a new user joined up in his logs, and Vik sent him the request.  Regis transferred the request to one of Zaeed’s vid screens.

  Vik appeared on the screen.  “Damn, that was efficient.  That’s how I knew I was talking to you,” they said, a smile on your face.  “So, Cerberus brought you back, huh?”

  Regis nodded.  “It’s good to see you, too.  Still calling me Reggie?   Did you really have to slip that to Zaeed?”

  Zaeed chuckled in the background.  

  “Of course.  It’s an adorable name for my adorable Regis,” they said.  “Still, I want to get a good look and read on you.  Have any reports you’d like to send?”  Clinical minded as ever.

  Regis was not going to turn around and look at Zaeed’s expression.  Nope.  Not at all.

  “I have the whole docs on my resurrection and a checkup from my doc.”

  Vik closed their eyes.  “It still seems so bizarre hearing about that.  Two years, and suddenly you’re back as if nothing has changed.  I can see that whatever they did was terribly inefficient healing wise.  Scars carved from the nanos and cybernetics underneath?”

  “Well, they claimed I woke up too early because the station they kept me on was attacked.  I’m keeping them for now, but I’ll design something better later.  Could use some help on that.”

  “I have designs I can send you, don’t you worry, darling.  I’ll get you fixed right up once you’re done here and given me your revisions,” they said, readjusting their screen.  “And please send me those docs.”

  “Will do,” Regis nodded, already patching them through.  “And can you get Adrian and Hannah hooked into my server?  I gave you admin rights.”

  They lit up. “Gladly.  I saw that special little access.  Much appreciated.” Vik sighed, glancing at something off screen.  “Though obviously this wasn’t just a social call.”

  “Nothing ever is these days,” Regis said, crossing his arms.  “What do you have for me?”

  “Leverage, perhaps,” they said.  “Did Zaeed tell you about what I learned about T’Soni?”

  “Unfortunately.  Working with a Shadow Broker agent and making deals with Cerberus, all concerned with some kind of cargo.  Do you have more?” Regis couldn’t keep his anger out of his tone, biting out the words with plenty of venom.

  “A video.  Beautifully upscaled footage by Adrian.  Maybe you can glean something from it now that you’re on board a Cerberus vessel.  Throughout the years Kaidan was never able to identify the agents in the vid,” Vik explained, sending over a file.

  “Wait, Kaidan couldn’t identify them?  What’s that all about?” Regis asked.

  “You… haven’t talked to him yet?” Vik asked.  

  “I’m meeting up with him in a couple of days on Omega,” Regis replied, holding his chin up high.  “You said you understood my silence, so don’t blame me for being cautious when wanting to talk to Kaidan.”

  “No, no, it surprised me since I figured he would be your first stop.  I get it, though.  Wouldn’t be surprised if Cerberus tried to fuck with him just to get back at you.”

  When Regis didn’t immediately respond, Vik’s expression morphed into anger, their markings scrunching together.  “Don’t tell me…”

  He relayed the story about the photo in the cabin and who originally had access to it.  Vik narrowed their eyes at the end, glowing faintly with light blue biotics.  “Curious.  And Cerberus didn’t recover your personal effects?  I noticed you didn’t have your dog tags.”  The ring was left unsaid, Vik knowing how much it meant to him.

  “No, they did not.”

  Vik hummed.  “And you say only the ‘Ilos’ crew had the photo?  A common denominator is appearing and it all points back to T’Soni.”

  Regis tensed up.  “What are you implying, Vik?”

  “I think you know.  Now that I have your context to add onto what little I figured out from Aria… it’s damning,” Vik said.

  Regis’s blood ran cold, his fingers digging into his arms, leaving small indents from his nails, not wanting to come to the same conclusion.  Anything but that.  “I need to watch that damn video.” As he moved to open the file, he noticed his hands were shaking, filled with a sudden rage that threatened to explode.  

  He hit play and watched the video.  Zaeed settled down on the cot next to him. 

  The security footage showed T'Soni speaking with Lawson, flanked by Cerberus soldiers in stark white armor. 

  There was no audio, but he could guess what they were talking about.  

  His fucking body.

  Regis felt his corona rise to the surface, his biotics rushing underneath his skin. When the video ended and returned back to the vid call, he saw his face reflected back at him, his glowing eyes rimmed with dark violet biotics and burning with undisguised fury, his scars glowing in the dim light of Zaeed's corner of the ship. 

  "All this time, it was a member of my crew that did this to me, not Cerberus working alone," Regis said, his voice trembling with rage. "And you said that Aria knows about this?"

  Anyone else would flinch when they heard that voice.  But not Vik.  Not Zaeed.  

  "Yes.  The price at the time was too damn high.  But now?  Something tells me she'll tell you," Vik replied. "Don't forget your meditations, Regis.  This is not the place to let loose."

  Regis closed his eyes and sat criss-crossed on the cot, letting his field envelope him into a small barrier.  "I'm well aware, Vik," he coldly replied.  "My meeting with Kaidan is on Omega.  I'll deal with all this shit then."

  "What are you going to do about Lawson?" Zaeed asked. "It's obvious she kept this from you for a reason."

  "No shit," Regis said, shaking his head. "I knew her word meant fucking nothing.  I can't approach her now, not when I don't know for sure."

  "Always have the best hand," Vik reminded. "Don't let this poison your reunion.  You have the upper hand here."

  Regis let out a breath. "Yeah, I know.  Listen, let's go back to what you said earlier.  What has Kaidan been up to?  Anderson was frustratingly vague."

  "Taking up what you wanted to start in the Alliance.  Working closely with Hackett to gain more information on Cerberus.  I believe he's already damn near N5.  Maybe even N6.  He's been quiet lately," Vik explained, a thoughtful look on their face. "I'd almost say he turned into another you, but that would be a lie.  He slotted into the role that you had carved out for yourself and made it entirely his own, much to the displeasure of some parts of the Alliance that wanted another you. "

  Kaidan carried on his dream and took up the N mantle while he was gone.  Regis was happy to hear that he was working with Hackett, one of the few admirals he trusted beyond the chain of command. 

  But getting that far ahead in the ranks meant he must've done the less-advertised acceleration program.  Missions often meant for small or solo agents almost always coined as suicide missions due to their sensitivity, complexity, and risk for failure. 

  And after all he did for the Alliance despite their reaction to his Torfan decision, they still wanted to use him even after his death.

  “So he became another infiltrator and spec ops unit for them.  As long as he did it of his own will, I’m happy to hear he was able to be a thorn in Cerberus’s side,” Regis said, thinking about Kaidan wearing the red stripes.  

  “He did.  He made sure of it,” Zaeed interjected.  “Hell, even I made Hackett do everything in his power to keep an eye on Kaidan for my own sake.”

  Wait a minute.

  “You know Hackett?” Regis asked, raising an eyebrow.  “Small galaxy.”

  Zaeed grinned.  “I’ll tell you the story later.  But yes, we’ve been friends for many years, even after I decided that the Alliance wasn’t the goddamn path for me.”

  Regis knew there was lots to Zaeed he didn’t know, and hell, the same could be said for them.  He wondered if Kaidan ever opened up to him about BAaT and what ultimately brought them together.

  It’s a story he should tell him anyway.  Even if he wishes Vik was able to train him, he wouldn’t trade it knowing it’s what led him to Kaidan, and eventually to Zaeed.

  “Small galaxy indeed,” Vik echoed.  “I won’t keep you long.  Keep in contact, okay?  I want to see you in one piece once you’re done with your mission, Regis.”

  “Give Adrian my love,” Regis replied, nearly with a watery smile.  “I’m so–”

  “Don’t you dare finish that fucking sentence,” Vik interrupted, rasing their voice.  “We’ll have time to deal with everything that happened later.  But what happened these past two years is not your fault.  So no apologies necessary.  No matter how you see it, you’re here now.  And I hope it stays that way for a while.”

  Zaeed wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in next to him.  “They’re right.”  Regis hugged him back.

  “I know,” Regis said quietly.  “Doesn’t make it any easier hearing what I missed out on.”  He paused and let out a soft chuckle.  “I hope I’m here a hell of a lot longer than a while.”

  Vik rolled their eyes.  “Goddess, Reggie, you knew what I meant.  You know, seeing you grow up has been some of the best memories of my long life.  I’m very grateful to have been part of your family.”

  “Fuck,” Regis said, wiping his eyes.  “Now you’re really going to make me cry.  You’ve been the best guardian I could’ve asked for as a young spacer kid.”

  He felt Zaeed shift in his seat next to him.  Regis rested his head on his shoulder.

  Vik smiled.  “I won’t keep you any longer than I already had.  I’ll get everyone set up for you.  Give my warm greetings to Kaidan.  I’ve taught him a few new tricks.  After you’re out of this mess, I’ll be sure to teach them to you.”

  “Oh really?  What did you teach him?” Regis asked, always ready to learn from Vik.

  “He can Reave, perform biotic bubbles that would make an asari commando jealous, and he even managed to create an Annihilation Field without too much trouble, though I owe that to you and your field induction techniques,” Vik replied, a proud look on his face.  “Never seen anything like it from a human.  He is exquisite.”

  “He is exquisite,” Regis agreed with a laugh.  “Wow.  I am definitely jealous now.”

  “You’ll learn in time.  Hell, you’ve always been a quick learner.  I’m sure he could show you his mnemonics and you’ll have mastered it in a week.”

  “Well, you’ve given me plenty to think and talk about, like always.  Thanks, Vik.”

  “You are very welcome, my dear.  Be safe.  And you too, Zaeed,” Vik said with a wave.  “Keep in touch.”

  They ended the call.  Regis let out a deep breath.  

  “And how are you feeling now?” Zaeed asked.

  “Better, although furious and violated.  Fucking T’Soni ,” he growled out, standing up from the cot.  “Even if she wasn’t involved in getting my body, she was still talking with Cerberus.  She is a traitor to me and the fucking Alliance now.” “Kaidan already let Hackett know about this shit back when he heard about it.  They’ve been monitoring her ever since,” Zaeed commented.  

  “And The Illusive Man said she was in Illium.  After I get that convict–which I guarantee is going to be another shit show–I’m going to talk to her,” Regis said, shaking his head.  “I’m going to go back to my cabin and make sure I have everything prepared for leave."

  Zaeed stood up from the cot and brushed a kiss onto his cheek. "Have fun."

  Regis rolled his eyes, feeling his cheeks warm up. "I'll try."

    The day had come.  Regis put the final touches on his outfit, tucking in an Eagle in a hidden pocket inside his long coat.

  Best to be prepared in Omega. 

  He knew Zaeed had already left the ship, wanting to meet up with some old contacts of his to get and trade information, and he promised that he'll make time to visit him and Kaidan after they "talk shit out."

  Which is a fair way to put it. 

  Regis left his cabin, walking straight towards the airlock to the dock.  "It’s likely I’ll be staying out overnight.  EDI, send any relevant comms to my omnitool.  I’ll leave it to your discretion.”

  “Of course, Shepard,” she said, her chess piece hologram popping up in a blur of blue.  “Anything else?”

  “I’ll let you know.  Thanks.” As Regis was about to enter the airlock, Moreau stopped him.

  “Sounds like you have big plans.  Staying overnight in Omega, especially after all these rumors saying Massani is warming your bed?” Moreau started, turning around in his chair.  “Scandalous.”

  Regis narrowed his eyes, and to make his point clear, he ensured to call Moreau by his preferred name.  “Joker, I am only going to say this once: The relationship between Zaeed and I is long before I was even on the first fucking Normandy.  If you really want to know more, maybe don’t listen to the Cerberus scuttlebutt and come to me directly with any concerns.”

  “Figured you would blast me out of your room for daring to come up there after–”

  Regis interrupted him.  “I am still your commander.  I can separate the lines between command and personal issues.  Can you?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.  “I’m not going to apologize for anything I said, nor do I want to hear one from you.  But let me make it clear: What I do on this ship is my business only, and the crew seems to like you.  Use that to my advantage and tell them to shut the hell up.”

  He almost seemed satisfied with Regis’s response.  “Sure, fine.  I’ll redirect the rumors, although it’s hard to be subtle about leaving your cabin early in the morning.”

  Regis shrugged.  “And I don’t give a fuck.  Don’t spend too much time working.  That’s what EDI is for.”

  “Of course.  I’ll be happy to take over some of your duties, Jeff, so you can go on leave,” EDI piped in.

  “No!  You messed with my settings when I left to grab lunch yesterday, so hell no.  I’m good here,” he replied, turning around in his chair.  “But I am going to get that story out of you.”

  “What story?” Regis asked with a smirk, realizing he could fuck with him.  Regis and Joker have never had anything more than a barely civil relationship, but there were times they could mess around with each other without too much hostility on the other’s part.  Regis figured this could be one of those times.  “The one where Kaidan and I met Zaeed while on leave and learned a hell of a lot more about where our tastes lie?”

  “Wait wait wait… hold on.  Back up, you bastard!  Too much information but also what?” He turned back around in his chair.  

  “Ponder on that for a while, Moreau, and tell me what you come up with,” Regis replied, opening the airlock with a flourish.  “I’ll see you later.”

  He heard him yell his name as he walked down the docking tube, laughing the whole way down.

  Regis put his hands in his pockets, feeling the old pack of Astras still in the coat.  His fingers itched to take one out, but his lighter was still with Zaeed, and he wasn’t about to use his omnitool to generate a flame.  Yet, the temptation was still there, the feeling of wanting to relax before seeing Kaidan again.

  He would know if he smoked one.  Kaidan never judged him for it–hell, Kaidan would take it from him and take a few drags himself–but he always worried that one day, he’ll take it too far.  So, he tried to limit his intake of the drug, knowing it was BAaT that even started his taste for it.

  They dosed all the kids differently.  Regis was one of those that got more.  Vik helped him through it, and even suggested the Astras as a way to satiate his craving, as a low dose, low powered option, watching out for him the moment he started smoking them.

  Then Cerberus brought him back, and so Regis brought back the one thing he could easily rely on to help him relax and destress.  Now that he had Zaeed keeping an eye on him, things were better.

  But not great.

  The entrance to Afterlife loomed over him, the temptation to speak to Aria now almost too great.  Instead, he headed down to where Vik’s old clinic used to lie, and an old apartment that Adrian kept up in case he or Vik or any of the family needed a safe place to stay in Omega.

  He wasn’t surprised to see it become their meeting place today.

  Once in front of the door, he took a deep breath and flashed his omnitool, unlocking the door.  

The moment he stepped inside, he saw a flash of blue, and then he was pressed up against the wall, an omniblade against his neck.  Regis almost threw out a warp, but his fingers stilled once he saw it was Kaidan, eyes burning blue.  His fingers twitched underneath the glowing blade, and he felt a barrier surrounding him in crackles of light.

  But it felt wrong , a coldness that was never part of his barriers, always feeling like an extension of his love for Regis.  No, this was something different.

  This was the beginning of a Reave.

  “What did you say to me in that video?  What did you want me to do?” Kaidan asked, narrowing his eyes and keeping his voice low.

  Of course.  That video.  

  “I wanted you to keep my ring safe, and to move on with Zaeed,” Regis replied, keeping a steady gaze onto him, trying not to flinch despite knowing that if their roles were swapped, he would be doing the same damn thing.

  Kaidan glanced away for a moment, his eyes flicking back to him a second later.  “What was it I asked you to do for me after the Battle of the Citadel?”

  This question could have a few answers, but Regis decided to offer the most vulnerable.  “You wanted me to be in charge, to show that I was okay and alive after the tower,” he said softly.

  The blade on his neck slowly pulled away, but the crackling Reave still remained, threatening to shift into something more than just a warning, to start to snuff out his life bit by bit.  “What did you say to me after BAaT?”

  BAaT.  What brought them together in the end.  And what could’ve been the end of them all the same.

Regis still wished he was the one who killed Vyrnnus.

  “To not let anyone make you think you were a monster or anything less than human for saving us all ,” Regis damn near spat out, remembering the reactions of the other kids.  Could he blame them?  No, not really, but they never blamed Regis for being the one who made it easy for Kaidan to take him down.

  They only saw who dealt the killing blow.

  Kaidan released his hold onto him, his biotics extinguishing in a flash, the room no longer lit by the volatile power.   

  No longer being threatened, Regis got a better look at him.  To his surprise, he was wearing one of Regis’s red and black scarves, along with an outfit very similar to Regis’s, just with a blue coat instead of a black.

  Matching even to this day.

  He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, and a few new scars framed his face.  A new one underneath his left eye, and a long one bisecting his right eyebrow.  He had even grown out a beard, groomed similar to Regis's but shaved but closer. 

  They stared at each other, Regis staying against the wall, trying to find the words he wanted to say.

Instead, Kaidan surged forward and wrapped him into a hug, letting out a pained cry. Regis hugged him back, letting tears fall as they sank to the ground, holding onto each other tightly.  Hands clutching the backs of their jackets, breathing in each other’s scent, their biotic fields intersecting once more, no longer holding back. 

  A reunion at last. 

  Regis started to whisper apologies, but Kaidan shushed him, tangling his fingers in his hair.  “None of this is your fucking fault, okay?”

  “Vik gave me the same damn rant,” Regis wetly laughed, his face pressed into Kaidan’s neck.  “I’ve missed you so goddamn much and it hasn’t even been that long for me.”

  Kaidan pulled away just a bit, cupping his face in his hands, his dark eyes shining with tears.  “It’s been a long two years, love.  Sorry about ambushing you, but–”

Regis waved him off.  “Please, I would have done the same thing.  That Reave though… beautiful.”

  “Thank Vik for that,” he laughed.  Kaidan studied his face, rubbing soft circles with his fingers, looking at his new cybernetic scars and glowing eyes.  “This is all due to what Cerberus did to you, right?  I read the reports, but they only hypothesized what their enhancements would do to you.” 

  Regis nodded. “At least they’re red.  Suits me, right?”

  “That they do,” he admitted, his face full of admiration.  “God, Regis, you’re so beautiful.  Alive and here with me, never thought I would see the day ever again,” he said, his voice breaking at the end.  “Regis, Regis, Regis." He repeated, saying his name like a prayer.  And perhaps it was a way to hope that they won't ever have to go through this ever again. 

  "Kaidan," Regis breathed out, eyes glancing down to his lips, to that faded scar on his lower lip. He leaned in, and Kaidan closed the distance between them, pulling Regis in close.  Kaidan's mouth crushed down on his, pushing him against the floor until they were flat, Kaidan on top of him and tangling a hand in his curls. 

  Regis followed, messing with the gelled hair and held him tightly, swiping his tongue over his mouth.  Their kisses trembled with grief, but also years of love that still remained despite everything, waiting to be reawakened once more.  Tears streamed down both their faces as they relearned each other, fitting back together as if it was their last night together before Alchera, before everything that had torn them apart. 

  "Kaidan," he said again, against his lips. "I love you."  He’ll keep saying it, wishing those were the last words Kaidan heard.

  "I love you, too, Regis, and I never stopped," he replied, pulling back and hovering over him. "Shit, they really brought everything back.  Ink, scars, and piercings," he observed with shaking hands, lightly running down his face, touching the metal before stopping at the tattoo on his throat.  "It's really you."

  "I know," Regis whispered. "There were times I wondered, but if you and Zaeed believe it, and Vik believes it… it has to be true."

  "It must be true," Kaidan echoed. "But right here, right now?  You're real enough for me." He started to rise up and offered a hand.  Regis took it and they walked hand in hand to the bedroom, stealing looks and glances at each other. 

  "And that's all that matters to me," Regis admitted as he shrugged off his coat, tossing it on the chair.  "Kaidan, I–fuck, there's so much I need to talk to you about."

  Kaidan smiled sadly, wiping at his eyes. "If you think it's bad for you…" he trailed off, eyes widening at what he said. "Shit, that's a terrible way to put it."

  "No, no, you're right." Regis looked down at his arms, tracing the ink with his eyes. "Where do we even begin?  How much time do you even have?"

  Kaidan shook his head. "Not long.  I wrote up a detailed summary of the important stuff.  But… I'm nearly an N6.  The accelerated program has been kicking my ass, but I've dealt some heavy blows to Cerberus's operations.  Plus, I implemented that biotic program of yours."

  "Thank you," Regis said, grasping onto Kaidan's hands tightly, turning to face him. "Thank you for carrying that on.  N5?  Hell, that makes you one of the fastest risers.  And what about Ash?  Please invite her to my damn server.  I need to see her, too."

  "I will once she's on leave.  She's an N4, about to be N5.  Currently on a longer run.  I don't know the details," Kaidan said with a nod. "She broke some of your marksman records by the way."

  That’s his girl.  Kicking ass and making waves.

  "Guess I need to reset them when I get back to Rio," Regis chuckled. "I'm glad you were both able to continue on.  That makes me so happy to hear, you know?”

  “I know,” he said, and then frowned.  “There is one thing I need to inform you about one of Cerberus's operations, but I’m sure you’ve made your position clear to them?”

  Regis almost snorted.  “More than.  Zaeed’s been the main person on my squad, rotated out with a thief I picked up on the Citadel and a salarian scientist.  I refuse to take the two trained operatives with me–and one of them is who was responsible for my resurrection in the first place.”

  Well, there was Vakarian, but Regis wasn’t too sure what to do with him.  They disagreed on too much morally, plus complicated by the fact that Regis barely remembered him from when he passed up recruiting him for the Saren mission.

  He also wasn’t too fond of his tendency for extrajudicial executions.  

  “A salarian scientist?  That’s one hell of a story,” Kaidan said.  “It’s good to hear that you and Zaeed have each other’s backs.  We were worried about him working with Cerberus, but it was an opportunity we couldn't quite pass up.  Combine that with the rumors and footage we got from Freedom’s Progress and my mission a few weeks before…"

  "'We?'" Regis asked, raising an eyebrow. 

  "Ah, right.  Hackett and me.  We've been working closely together, and Zaeed's only working with Cerberus as a favor to Hackett.  They have quite the history together," Kaidan said, rubbing the back of his head. "And uh, I may have implied to him at some point that the three of us had history."

  Regis wanted to know how that came up. "I'm glad Hackett continued to be a good ally for you.  I've always trusted him beyond the chain of command."

  "I know, which is why I decided to work with him after… after Alchera,” Kaidan said, pausing at the mention of Regis’s death.

  “It’s okay to say it,” Regis said, holding Kaidan’s gaze.  “I don’t want to hide from it.  I died and I came back.”

  “How are you so okay with it?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows in worry.  “How can you just casually say that like you're talking about the damn weather?”

  Regis, still holding Kaidan’s hand, placed it on his thigh.  “I nearly had a panic attack when I saw Zaeed’s new tattoo in the shower.  I’m not okay with it,” he admitted.  “Somehow I could ignore the passage of time.  Yes, people had changed, but not enough for me to be consciously aware of it all the time.  All I cared about was finishing the mission, taking down as many Cerberus operatives with me as possible, and getting back to the Alliance.”

  “But seeing that reminded you what was lost,” Kaidan said quietly.  “Did he mention mine?”

  Regis turned to look at him, moving to cradle the side of his face with his hand.   Kaidan leaned into the touch, covering Regis’s hand with his.  “He did.  Something on your back, but he didn’t say what.”

  Kaidan made a move to pull off his shirt, but Regis stopped him mid-way, taking over and taking it off himself.  New scars adorned his toned chest as he stretched out his arms, a few burns that looked fresh and some general “Alliance wear and tear.”  He wanted to ask what caused those, but his gaze turned to his back.  

  A tree of circuits, the branches stretching out around his shoulders, but as it traveled down, the circuits started becoming real tree branches, ending in a trunk surrounded by flowers.  

  Regis’s hand hovered over the tattoo before tracing down the lines.  “It’s incredible work, Kaidan.”

  “It connects to my leg,” Kaidan said, looking over his shoulder with a soft smile.  “Watch this.”

  He activated his corona, and the ink on his back reacted in turn, a background of binary code lit in a light blue, reacting to his biotics.

  Regis traced the binary, translating it one by one.  

  Sic itur ad astra

  Thus one goes to the stars.

  It must have a double meaning: A memorial for Regis, but also what led them to getting together, onboard a space station in the stars.

  “Kaidan, I…” He trailed off.  “It’s so beautiful.  I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, meeting his gaze.

  “Then show me,” he replied.

  Regis leaned in for another kiss, but this time, it wasn’t framed or powered by grief and separation.  No, this time, it was filled with softness, of love and of want.  

  Kaidan started tugging at Regis’s shirt, breaking apart briefly enough to tug it off before resuming.  Kaidan started kissing down his neck, lightly tracing the tattoo on his throat, before continuing down.  Regis let out a sigh, watching with half-lidded eyes as Kaidan traced the tattoos on his chest with his mouth, as he nipped and licked and sucked at every section, relearning the lines that were unchanged from his resurrection.  

  “What do you want, Regis?” Kaidan asked, stopping at the belt of his pants.  

  “I want to see you,” Regis said.  “I want you to make me feel like me again.”

  Kaidan nodded and Regis started tugging at his belt, slipping it off and tossing it on the ground.  Kaidan took off his own belt, careful to put his Carnifex on the side table.  Always prepared.

It’s a damn shame they have to be.  

Regis scooted back onto the bed until he was laying against the pillows, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants to relieve some of the pressure on his hardness.  

  Kaidan climbed on top of him, claiming his mouth once more as his hand trailed down to ghost over Regis’s covered length.  Regis groaned into his mouth.  “Stop teasing.”

  “All in due time,” Kaidan teased.  “Did you and Zaeed ever…” he trailed off.

  “No,” Regis shook his head.  “Nothing more than kissing and sharing the same bed.  He kept saying I wasn’t ready for it, and he was right.”

  He regretted being honest when Kaidan pulled away, his hand leaving his hardening cock.  “Are you ready now?” Kaidan asked.  “We don’t have to do anything.”

  “No, I want this,” Regis emphasized.  “Just… check in with me.”  He raised up to touch the new scars on his lover’s chest.  “And start by telling me where you got those.”

“Let’s just talk for a bit, then,” Kaidan said, moving to lie down next to him, tugging off his boots and pants, leaving him in his boxers.  Regis did the same, lying down on his side.

  “A few weeks before your Freedom’s Progress mission, I was sent to investigate something that was codenamed Project: Overlord.  A Cerberus project involving a VI hybrid that appeared to have gone rogue.  My team and I took down some operatives that were already investigating the mission,” he started, grabbing Regis’s hand once more.  

  “Apparently the VI figured out how to communicate and control the geth.  I wasn’t wearing my usual hardsuit for the mission, but instead an infiltration suit that didn’t provide as much protection.  I got burned pretty bad by a rocket trooper,” he explained.  “Loved that suit, but I like my hardsuit much better.  Anyway, we shut down two of the three facilities.  The third was the main one that we suspected was housing the VI.  We later got separated after dealing with a lot of malfunctions and abnormalities.”

  He rubbed at the back of his neck, where his amp and implant lied.  “I was using a modified Archon visor, and somehow the VI had hijacked my feeds, overlaying a digital world with our own.  And then, I could understand him, and he understood that I wasn’t Cerberus.  He wasn’t just a VI, he was a human fused with a VI to understand the geth.  And his brother was the one who did it to him.”

  Regis wanted to be sick, again being proven right about Cerberus’s atrocities.  “What happened next?” He asked.

  “He ceased attacking me and guided the rest of my team to me after I told him what we were doing.  He led us to this… chamber where he was hooked up to a massive supercomputer.” He closed his eyes.  “I won’t be forgetting what I saw anytime soon.  After we were about to send word to get him secured into Alliance custody at Grissom Academy, his brother finally arrived.  He begged us to keep the project alive, not seeming to care that we were Alliance, claiming the importance of understanding the geth.”

  Kaidan met his gaze.  “I knocked him out with a neural shock and ensured he was placed into custody.”

  Regis shook his head.  “All the Cerberus members on the ship claim Cerberus is doing so much good that it was their only option.  It doesn’t matter what I saw with Saren, they claim it was rouge cells.”

  “All a way to try and get you to back down, I’m sure,” Kaidan observed.  

  “Plus, Chakwas and Moreau are on board,” Regis commented.  “Both were offered a role by Cerberus, using me as the lure since both were effectively grounded.”

  “And they still joined up despite everything we saw,” he said bitterly.  “What a waste.  I know Chakwas has been on extended leave, but Moreau is effectively AWOL.”

  Unlike Regis, Kaidan always used his nickname.  What changed?

  “‘Moreau?’” Regis asked.  “There’s a story there.”

  “There’s too many fucking stories,” Kaidan bit out, but the anger clearly wasn’t directed at him.  His face softened.  “Sorry, it’s just… hard recounting everything that you missed.”

  “Hell, it could be an email for all I care.  Don’t worry about it.” Regis tried to smile, but he was sure it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

  “Love, it’s okay.  I will make time if I have to, unless Hackett calls me back in.  He wants to speak with you as well at some point,” Kaidan replied, kissing his forehead.  “I can hook him up with our server too.”

  “Do it,” Regis replied.  “I need to save my name and my career after this bullshit.”

  Kaidan smiled.  “We’re already a step ahead.   We were hoping that best case scenario, it really was you with Cerberus, and so we’ve been planning on how to best handle your return.  Public, you’re going to be put in custody, no way around it.  But we will make sure you come out of it with a promotion and whatever commission you want.”

“They didn’t even promote me posthumously,” Regis shook his head, almost wanting to laugh, surprised at how easy they were able to get back to this type of ease with each other.  “I really appreciate it.  I know I've trusted the right people.  Wish I could say the same about others.”

  “Did Vik mention something they told me–”

  Regis interrupted him with a kiss.  Kaidan let out a surprised sound and half-heartedly pushed him back.  “What was that?”

  “Me telling you to not let that bullshit ruin what we have right now.  It can wait.  Aria can wait,” Regis said.  “Now, where were we?”

  “Depends.  Are we still talking, or are we going to see where this goes?” Kaidan asked, his voice gaining that raspy growl that makes Regis’s toes curl.

  Regis toyed with the waistband of his boxers, slowly pulling them off, watching Kaidan’s eyes darken with lust.  “I suppose we are going to see where this goes.”

  Kaidan climbed back on top of him, his clothed dick rubbing against his.  Regis gasped and Kaidan captured his mouth, grinding against him, the friction of the cloth against his uncovered cock creating a delicious sensation.  They don’t even have to go further than this.  He’ll be satisfied being here with Kaidan, sharing lust and intimacy and simply existing with one another in this moment.

That’s all he wanted ever since he woke up on Lazarus Station.  

  Kaidan pulled off his boxers, grinning into the kiss, running his hands up and down the cybernetic heart on Regis’s back.  Regis whined as Kaidan moved lower and lower, the tips of his fingers teasing at his hole.  “I missed hearing those sounds you make when you let loose,” he purred.  “I’m so lucky, having two lovers who love being vocal.”

  “He’s here, you know,” Regis gasped out.  “Waiting for us to finish talking shit out.”

  “Oh, we’re still talking?” He asked, and activated his corona, biotically pulling a tube of lube that was sitting on the nightstand.  “You could call him now, as I’m preparing you for my cock.  Trying to keep your voice level, lest someone overhears.”

  “Don’t tempt me,” Regis breathed out as he heard the cap open with a click, settling himself back against the pillows with his legs spread open.  “I want him, too, Kaidan.”

  “I know,” he said, pressing a soft kiss on his lips as he eased a slick finger inside.  Regis let out a soft gasp, it’s been too long since he’s had someone other than himself.  “And we will be together again, love.  It took me too long to realize what gift you gave me, telling me to lean on Zaeed.”

  “We will,” Regis echoed, throwing his head back as Kaidan eased another finger in, taking his sweet time prepping and stretching his hole.  "Kaidan, please."

  He shushed him. "Be patient.  I don't want to hurt you," he said, leaning in to press a kiss on the harsh scar that bisected his lip, the scar that was a reminder of Torfan. 

  Regis rolled his eyes, about to retort but Kaidan curled his fingers just right , hitting that sweet bundle of nerves inside of him.  “Dammit, Kaid–”

  Kaidan inserted a third finger, and Regis nearly saw stars, crying out as Kaidan wrapped his field around his fingers, creating an electric sensation inside of him that almost always made him come.  “You are a fucking sadist,” Regis growled after regaining some semblance of his composure, grabbing fistfuls of sheets.  

  “And you love me that way,” Kaidan said before pulling out his fingers, causing Regis to whine at the loss.  “But this sadist has a request for you.  Ride me.”

  “I think I like your request,” Regis replied with a heated gaze, taking in the length of his lover before moving aside.  “Swap with me.”

  Kaidan settled himself against the pillows, lazily grasping his cock after lubing it up.  Regis climbed on top of him, running his hands down his chest, tracing the lines of the new scars, before stopping just above Kaidan’s length.  He held Kaidan’s gaze as he sank down, moaning as his hardness filled him, the stretch a perfect burn.  

  Regis laced his finger’s with Kaidan’s, activated his corona with a quivering mnemonic, and settled down on his cock.  They both stayed there for a moment, blue and violet biotic fields glowing in the dim room.  Kaidan’s eyes rimmed with a bright blue, framing his lust-blown eyes so perfectly.  Regis wanted to preserve this moment, this quiet worship between them.

  “I love you,” Regis said again, breaking the quiet moment between them the only way he knew how. 

  “I love you, too,” Kaidan replied, squeezing his hands.  

  Regis started to move, rolling his hips on his dick, adjusting to the feeling.  Kaidan encouraged his movements by grinding upward, smirking as Regis bit back a moan.  In return, Regis started to move faster, rocking his hips back and forth as he fucked himself on his dick, bringing himself closer to completion as he angled himself just right.  

  Kaidan looked gorgeous as Regis watched between gasps and choked out moans, both of their fields becoming more volatile by the second.  Regis stilled himself for a moment, nearly lifting himself off his dick before slamming down in one smooth moment, over and over, drawing out desperate sounds from Kaidan as Regis laughed breathlessly, temporarily taking charge. 

  "I'm close," Kaidan warned, raising up and releasing his grip on his hands.  Regis leaned in to claim his mouth, letting Kaidan take charge as he started thrusting upward, exploring his mouth with his tongue as he fucked him deeper and deeper, Regis meeting his thrusts with long rolls of his hips. 

  And then, a tightness–his field turned inward before flaring out in a wave of violet as Regis came all over his chest untouched, moaning freely and uncontrollably.  Kaidan soon followed in a wave of blue, coming deep inside him in a rush of warmth, groaning out his name into his mouth as his hips stilled. 

  With heaving breaths, Regis slowly raised up from his cock, whining at the stimulation and the loss, collapsing on top of his lover, not caring for the sticky, sweaty mess they became. 

  Kaidan grinned, wrapping his arms around him. "Are we still talking, or can I let Zaeed know where we are?"

  "Fuck off," Regis groaned into his neck, hiding a grin as Kaidan pressed a kiss into his hair.  

  "So, is that a yes or a no?"

  "You're too damn chipper," Regis chuckled. "Give me a minute."

  "Of course, love," he replied. Regis rolled off of him and laid next to him on his side.  Kaidan took the hint and settled behind him, cuddling him close to his chest.  Despite their slight height difference, Regis always loved being the little spoon, the warmth of Kaidan around him a comfort he always craved. 

  He's so damn lucky that he has Zaeed able to do the same thing for him, to help him through sleepless nights.

  One thing he’s noticed since his return is that his insomnia wasn’t as bad as it used to be, one of the side-effects of his L2 implant.  Still, he had many sleepless nights, running no fumes for some of their operations.  

  Regis opened his omnitool and opened up the camera.  Kaidan rested his chin on his shoulder, giving a smug look to the camera.  He snapped a picture and sent a quick message to Zaeed, along with a link to join the private server. 

  Zaeed immediately sent a voice call request as a reply. 

  Regis answered it. "So, you got my–"

  "You're goddamn right I got your message.  I'll be there soon, but I have to ask: is everything okay?" Zaeed said, his voice tinged with something… longing, perhaps. 

  "For now?  More than," Kaidan said.  "We're okay.  And we want you here with us.  Not much of a reunion without you."

  Zaeed chuckled. "I guess you're right.  Regis, need me to bring anything?"

  "Could you get my bag?" He asked sheepishly. "I might've left it on my bed."

  "Sure. What would you do without me?  See you two soon." He ended the call. 

  Regis turned around to face Kaidan. "Did he sound… off?" Regis asked full of concern. 

  Kaidan nodded, furrowing his eyebrows.  “We just need to make sure he knows we want to be all in.”

  Regis pecked a kiss on his lips.  “And I’ll say it again: I’m so thankful you two had each other.  I’m not jealous or angry or anything about what you two did. If anything, I’m grateful that at the bare minimum I’ve been given a chance to say everything I’ve been wanting to say.”

  “Which is?” 

  “That I love the both of you so fucking much.  That we should’ve been honest and told him how much he meant to us.” Regis rubbed his face, scratching at his beard.  “That I wish we had more time, instead of this mission looming over me.”

  Kaidan looked thoughtful.  “Regis, if I ask you something, will you answer me honestly?”

  Regis furrowed his eyebrows.  “What is it?  You know the answer to that is going to be yes.”

  “How do you really feel about your resurrection?  It seems like you keep bouncing back and forth.  And I’m worried about you,” he said, cupping his face.  Regis leaned into the touch.

  He was sure that worry was an understatement.  This whole meeting, they’ve been dancing around the topic.  Happy to be back together, happy to learn and love each other once more.

  But unable to talk about what’s looming between them, knowing there’s not enough time.  There’s never enough time.

  Regis made an annoyed sound.  “I don’t know how I feel, really.  I feel numb about it all.  I’m happy that you and Zaeed and my family have me back, but at what cost?  My rights were taken away from me. My personal effects were taken away from me.  I had no say in any of this.  And it feels so disturbing and horrifying knowing I was some experiment, some plaything so that Cerberus could use me," he ranted.  "I feel lost and being here with you has helped, but I'm going to be back in the belly of the beast soon enough."

  "It almost sounds like you know who did this to you," Kaidan said, cradling him tighter. 

  "I put it together after Vik showed me the footage.  That Cerberus operative T'Soni was talking to?  Miranda Lawson, the person who oversaw my resurrection," Regis spat. 

  He felt Kaidan tense around him. "Then I made the right call for Hackett to start distancing her from the Alliance.  Hell, Wren is still watching her now in Illium.  Are you going to confirm with Aria?"

  Good. Make her face the consequences of her selfish actions.  He was happy to hear about Wren.  She’s a damn good infiltrator, and vicious on the battlefield with her biotics, well deserving of the Fury title.  A perfect choice for one of Hackett’s agents.

  "Yeah.  I need to know for sure.  That way, when I’m out of this fucking mess, I can come for her and my dogtags.” 

  They cannot be lost.  She must have them.

  He took a deep breath, trying to calm down.  “Enough about her," Regis said, glancing over to the bathroom.  “Think we have enough time to wash up real quick?”

  “What, you don’t want Zaeed seeing us in post-orgasmic bliss?  Scandalous,” Kaidna chuckled.  “Well, since you gave him the access codes, sure.  We have time.  You want to go first?”

  “Not together?” Regis teased.

  “More for my sake than yours.  I’m not sure what I’ll do to you after getting you all wet for me,” Kaidan purred.  

  Regis blushed at his words, shaking his head and slowly getting up from the bed.  “Alright, fine.”  He slowly made his way to the bathroom, making no move to cover up, knowing Kaidan’s gaze was on him and the evidence of their lovemaking until he shut the door.

  He took a quick shower, making use of Adrian’s leftover products and Vik’s favorite soap.  He tried not to think too hard about what they used the apartment for, but of course, he couldn’t say a damn thing about it since he and Kaidan–and maybe one day Zaeed–use it for the same purpose.

  Pays to have a safe place to hide from the galaxy.

  Once he was done, he turned off the water, grabbed a towel, and stepped out of the bathroom, reaching to pick up his discarded clothes as Kaidan brushed past him.  

  He sat down on the edge of the bed after getting most of his clothes back on, noticing that Kaidan had straightened them up for him.  Even his coat was folded neatly on the chair instead of being flung over.  Opening his omnitool, he glanced at the messages, looking for anything that might be important.  He noticed that Vik had gotten his mother and Adrian added to the server, but neither had made any contact yet.

Regis made sure to make a note to talk to both of them later, not quite looking forward to those conversations either.

  And then, a message from Moreau popped up.

  JM: WHAT THE FUCK, SHEPARD?

  Regis raised an eyebrow before replying.

  RS: ?

  JM: Wow, that was fast.

  RS: ??

  JM: Okay, smartass.  Massani came back to the ship, and you know what he said to me when I asked him what his whole deal was with you and Alenko?

  RS: I can’t believe you brought him into this.

  JM: You’re the one who brought him into your quarters.

Regis couldn’t argue with that.

  JM: Anyway, what he said is that both you and Alenko showed him the true power of biotics.  Which… means something more than I want to know, right?

  RS: You have a brain.  You can figure out what he meant along with what I told you earlier.

  JM: SERIOUSLY?  

  RS: What?  I know what I like.  He knows what he likes.  Match made in heaven.  Now, please fuck off.  I’m in the middle of something.

  JM: Ugh.  You’re right, I should have never accepted their damn offer.  I would still be ignorant of all this.  What are you doing that’s so important anyway?

  RS: Kaidan.

  Should he have gone there?  Probably not.  Did it feel good to say?  Hell yes.

  JM: Hold on… You’re with Alenko right now???

�� RS: Yes.  And I don’t have much time with him.  Keep this to yourself.

  JM: Shit, Shepard, when it comes to things like this, you know I will, right?  But like, is he… okay?

  Not what he expected to see in reply.  Regis pressed his lips together, trying to figure out what he meant by that.

  RS: Yeah, I know.  You’re not an ass when it counts, most of the time.  But Kaidan seems to be okay, why?

  JM: Tell him I should’ve listened.  He’ll know what it means.  I won’t waste any more of your time.  For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re able to clear the air with him.

  RS: I will.  And we’ll be okay once we’re out of this mess.

  JM: Oh, and EDI wants me to tell you that your shipment is ready to pick up at the Citadel.  What’s it for?

  RS: Something I ordered for Zaeed.  We’ll pick it up after we get that convict.  

  JM: Got it.  I’ll go ahead and plot the course.  And with that, I’m going to get a bit of leave.

  Regis didn’t reply, shutting down his omnitool with a twitch of his fingers.  A moment later, he heard the door open, and Kaidan walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist.  He gave him a smile as he started to get dressed, and soon he joined him back on the edge of the bed, where all this started.  

  “I just talked to Moreau,” Regis said.  “He wanted me to tell you that he should’ve listened.”

  Kaidan closed his eyes, his face becoming tense.  “A little late for that,” he said bitterly. “But better late than never.”

  Something happened after his death.  Should he ask?  He’s already questioned it once, and well, Kaidan’s not always the type to hide things from him.  

  “He asked me a while ago if I blamed him for his death,” Regis offered.  “I told him all I blamed him for was thinking Cerberus was a good idea.”

  Kaidan stayed silent, not saying anything at first.  And then he let out a sigh.  “I went off on him after he returned without you.  I knew after hearing you… that you wouldn’t be there.  But I had to know what the hell happened.”  Regis wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in close to his side, clutching his blue turtleneck.  Kaidan rested his head on his shoulder.  “I wasn’t kind to him.  And a part of me still doesn’t want to apologize because he defied your orders. Who knows what would’ve happened if he listened and evacuated at the same time we all did.”

  “You know I’m not one for ‘what-ifs,’” Regis started to say, rolling his eyes at Kaidan’s snort.  “But there have been a few times when I’ve wondered how Alchera could’ve gone differently.” He sighed.  “I remember dying.  I remember what I said to you.  And that is what keeps me from thinking I’m not really me sometimes.  How do you manufacture that?   I can’t even look out the skylight in my fucking cabin.”

  “They put a skylight in the cabin of someone who died in space?  Regis, I–shit, I was going to ask you what you said to me on that final call when I ambushed you, but I didn’t think you would’ve remembered.”

  “I did,” he whispered, closing his eyes.  “I’ve never liked space, but now… I would be happy being grounded forever.”

  Maybe that’s what he’ll do.  Refuse any ship posting after this.  He’s done.  Despite coming back from his greatest nightmare, his worst fears… he finds space to be even more of a prison than it was back when he was a kid wanting to have the freedom to choose.

  The SR-1 almost made him appreciate space, having a good crew with him.  Not anymore.

  Kaidan raised up to kiss his neck.  “I wouldn’t mind retiring to Rio, helping you teach N recruits.  Or stay in Vancouver near HQ.”  He sighed.  “I can’t decide if I’m angry at her for violating you and your rights or happy that I have another chance with you.”

  The sound of a door opening caused both of them to raise up.  They shared a look, and a smile, and walked out of the bedroom.  

Zaeed was standing in the living area, Regis’s bag slung over his shoulder along with his own bag, carrying a few drinks in a carrier.  He sat the drinks down on the coffee table.  Kaidan walked ahead of him, moving to wrap Zaeed in a hug.  “God, I’ve missed you so much,” he breathed out, Zaeed stumbling back from the force of the hug.  Regis lingered back, watching the scene with amusement.

And a bit of longing.

  “I missed you, too, Kaid.  Wish we all had more time,” Zaeed replied, kissing his forehead.  “I see you kept the beard.”

  Oh, so it was Zaeed who brought that on?  He always seemed to like it on Regis, enjoying the scrapes and burns.  

  Kaidan chuckled.  “It has grown on me, some.  Regis, get over here.”

  Regis smiled and joined their embrace, Zaeed’s mis-matched eyes widening a fraction as they all clung to each other in the apartment.  After a moment, they pulled apart, sitting on the couch, ensuring Zaeed was sitting between them.

“Nice pic you sent me.  You two clean up fast,” Zaeed laughed, motioning over to the drink.  “Got you some smoothies.  High calorie with plenty of fuel.”

  Regis kissed his cheek as he reached for one.  “So damn thoughtful.”  Zaeed rolled his eyes in response.

  Kaidan took a sip of his smoothie.  “Well, I really don’t have much time.  Got a message from Hackett while in the shower that I need to get back to my posting as soon as possible.”

  “Shit,” Zaeed sighed.  “Was afraid of that. Can you say where you are posted?”

  Damn, Regis didn’t even think to ask, overwhelmed with the presence of Kaidan being here with him again.

  “Horizon out in the Iera System.  Unofficially investigating the disappearance of colonists, but officially creating more defense systems,” Kaidan replied.

  “So the Alliance is investigating,” Regis muttered.  “Of fucking course.  Another thing Anderson stonewalled me on.”

  “He stonewalled you on anything that was considered top secret,” Kaidan replied.  “Not surprised that he did, but I’m not happy about it either.  Could’ve really fucked things up if you didn’t reach out and all I saw was Cerberus.  Have too many blinders on when it comes to them.”

  After all they saw on the Saren mission and after hearing about Kaidan’s mission taking down that horrific ‘VI’ project, Regis would not have blamed him for any reaction to seeing him fly in on a Cerberus ship.

  At least they gave him the option to wear his N7 styled gear.  Or else he would’ve taken a spray paint can to all their atrocious logos.

  “And you should,” Zaeed said. “I’m no happier than Regis, but at least we’re drawing resources and doing a bit of good here and there.”  He took a long drink from his smoothie.  “But it sounds like everything’s okay between you.”

  “Thanks to you,” Regis said, pressing into his side.  “I was too much of a damn coward to reach out on my own.”

  “Worried about what they’ll do?” Kaidan asked, shaking his head.  “I don’t blame you for wanting to protect me, but I can handle myself, you know.  I can Reave now.”

  “No shit,” Regis laughed.  “You need to teach me.”

  Kaidan rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish.  “Well… it’s hard to explain, but Vik taught me like it was a barrier in reverse.  Does that make sense?”  He showed off his mnemonic, twisting his fingers into a barrier, but aborting the motion right before the critical cast, pulling his fingers tightly into a fist instead of stretching outwardly.  A spark appeared before vanishing, Kaidan controlling the cast and preventing it from going anywhere.

  Turning a barrier inward to instead project the outer damage field inward, leaving the protection part outwardly controlled by the biotic.  Redirecting the field to protect the caster as they interrupted the inner fields within an organic, disrupting them one by one like a Warp but without the pinpoint accuracy.

  At least, that what he thinks the theory is, the little he knows about it.

  Regis smirked, committing the mnemonic to memory.  “More than you think.  I’ll talk to Vik later about it.”  

  “You should’ve seen them teaching Kaidan.  I’ve worked with lots of biotics, but you two still shine the brightest out of all of them.  You make some asari look like children,” Zaeed commented, a gleam in his eye.  “Never seen anything like it until I met you.”

  “And you’ll only see it from us,” Kaidan said, throwing an arm around Zaeed.  Regis did the same, meeting his smirk with his own.  “Listen, it’s about damn time we’ve said this after all this dancing around.  We want you, Zaeed.  All three of us, together.  That hasn’t changed.”

  “Wanted to make sure,” Zaeed admitted, his face turning a light shade of red with all the attention on him.  “Seeing you two in that picture reminded me of what you both have.”

“And there has always been room for you,” Regis affirmed.  “I want you to be with me on that ship and beyond.  I want you by my side, reading my biotics and responding in kind.  This has never been a one time thing, and I want to be with you in every definition of the word.”

  Kaidan chuckled.  “What he said.  Zaeed, I told you this back on my parents property, and I’ll say it again.  You helped me heal and feel human again.  And all those fleeting moments we met in between my training and your work kept me going through the worst of my N missions.”

  “I wish we had more goddamn time.  Fuck, I love the both of you,” he said, his face breaking out into a grin, his eyes gleaming.  Regis and Kaidan shared a look, and Regis made a motion with his head, urging Kaidan to take the first move.

  Regis can have Zaeed at any time on board the SR-2.  He wanted them to have this chance to reunite the same way he did with Kaidan.

  Regis finished off his drink, wrapping his arms around Zaeed’s back as Kaidan leaned in to claim Zaeed’s mouth.  Zaeed made a pleased sound, and Regis enjoyed the show as he brushed a kiss against the back of his neck.

  Kaidan was the more hesitant one when they first all got together.  Regis was happy to see how much that had changed, their bond strengthened in Regis’s absence.

  Zaeed sighed as Regis kissed behind his ear, as he and Kaidan continued to kiss, relearning each other the same way he and Regis did moments ago, never advancing further beyond this.  Enjoying what they have now and yearning for more later.

Whenever that may be as both of their duties hang above them.  At least Kaidan and to an extent Zaeed has the freedom.

Regis still wasn’t so sure he had any as long as he had this mission to complete.

  Kaidan’s omnitool pinged, and he broke away from Zaeed with a sigh, Zaeed chasing his lips before settling back on the couch.  “Damn.  Duty calls.”

  “Before you go,” Regis said, moving to grab his bag.  He pulled out a small case and took out a preloaded syringe.  “This is our antidote to dealing with the Collectors, formulated by our resident salarian scientist.  They are behind the disappearances, and this will prevent you from being impacted by Seeker swarms.  Biotics are also great for fending them off.”

  Kaidan nodded.  “That’s what we’ve theorized too.  We also got some of the footage from Freedom’s Progress, but there’s not much we can do about it without support from the Council.  Suppose that’s what you’re doing, taking down the Collectors.”

  “That’s the plan,” Zaeed said with a nod.  “A damn near suicide mission, but you’re used to those now.”

  “Afraid I am,” Kaidan sighed, not looking too pleased. “Where do you need to inject it?”

  “It can go through clothing like epinephrine pens,” Regis said.  “Your thigh is fine.”

  Regis prepared the injection, and at Kaidan's signal, he injected the antidote into his thigh, Kaidan barely making a face as he pulled away the device and tossed it back in its container to be disposed of. 

  "May want to stay seated for a bit.  Made me lightheaded when I took it," Zaeed said as Kaidan relaxed on the couch, keeping his leg loose. 

  "Thanks, love," he replied, turning to kiss him on the cheek.  He opened his omnitool and typed out a quick message, a pained expression on his face. 

  "You really don't have any more time," Regis observed, trying to keep his expression neutral. 

  "No, I don't," Kaidan said quietly, shaking his head. "What I really wanted was a whole day, but I barely got a few hours.  I should’ve told you before that it wouldn’t be much."

  A whole day.  They could've caught up on so much, crying and laughing.  Zaeed would have joined them, telling stories new and old, smiling and gasping out each other's names as they turned to the bedroom, rediscovering the love they had for each other yet never acted upon. 

  Instead, they barely get a chance to talk, to love and to be with each other. Not even time for barely a cuddle, knowing they would all be too reluctant to let go.

  "It was enough, for now," Regis said, reaching over to take both Zaeed's and Kaidan's hands in his, squeezing them tightly.  “We have our server, and I’ll try to give you advance notice before we go through that relay.”

  “And I’ll make sure that I get leave for that,” Kaidan promised.  “I want to have enough time to be with both of you.”

  Something to look forward to, despite the severity of the mission looming over them.

“We’ll try not to be strangers,” Zaeed said, giving the both of them a heated look.  “Never thought I’d get this chance again, and I’m sure as hell not about to waste it.”

  “Took the words right out of my mouth, Zaeed,” Regis chuckled and looked at Kaidan.  “This isn’t going to be a goodbye.  It���s a ‘see you later.’”

  “I know,” he said.  “Trust me, I know you both are going to fight like hell to bring us all together again.”  He rose up from the couch.  Regis and Zaeed joined him for one last embrace.

  Kaidan kissed them both softly on the lips, a small peck that yearned for more and a promise that there will be more.  

  “Want us to walk you to your shuttle?” Zaeed asked, hopeful.  

  Kaidan shook his head, a sad smile gracing his face.  “I’m sorry.  Too risky.”

  He was right.  If word got out that he was seen with Regis and by extension, Cerberus, it could ruin everything.  

  “Be safe out there, then,” Regis said, standing beside Zaeed, holding his hand.  A lifeline so he wouldn’t chase after him, no matter how much he wants him to stay.

  “Be safe, baby,” Zaeed echoed, the endearment a surprising one.

  “Same to you.  I love you both.”  One last lingering look, and Kaidan walked out of the apartment, a bag slung over his shoulder, and a hand stuffed in his pocket.

  The sound of the door shutting was like a gunshot, a finality signifying the end of their reunion.

  Regis collapsed back down on the couch, putting a hand over his mouth.  He suddenly stood back up before Zaeed joined him, going back in the bedroom to collect his coat and his gun, placing it back inside the hidden pocket.  

  He reached for his pack of Astras but they were nowhere to be found.  Instead, he pulled out a handwritten note.

  I know you have more of these, but I’m taking this for now.  Rely on Zaeed.  Don’t rely on them.

  I won’t waste them, however.  I’ll smoke them in our honor.  Maybe send you some pics of me out in that beautiful Horizon night sky, in case I didn’t tell you where I was posted.  Too much to talk about… so little time.  Remember the last time we shared them, sharing the smoke as we enjoyed that night before Illos, that little hit of red sand adding something new?  Connect them to those memories, and not as a damn crutch.  You’ve never gone further than those, but that doesn’t mean I won’t worry.  I know Zaeed will look out for you, but you’ve always been good at evading.

  I love you, and stay safe and healthy for not only me, but also Zaeed and yourself.

  Zaeed had followed him to the bedroom.  “Everything okay, Regis?” He asked.

  “Kaidan being Kaidan and always looking out for me,” he said, folding the note back in his pocket.  “Took my damn cigarettes.”

  “Sneaky.  Didn’t think he smoked much.  Or at all to want to use those.”

  “Only when I do it,” Regis explained.  “It’s… complicated.”

  “BAaT made everything complicated for the both of you, didn’t it,” Zaeed commented, crossing his arms against his chest.  

  Regis raised his eyebrows in surprise.  “He… told you about it?” 

  “Everything,” Zaeed said with a nod.  “We talked a lot after I met the family.”

  Kaidan telling Zaeed all on his own about BAaT, not letting it die with him?  It showed how much he trusted and loved him to do such a thing.  Sure, they told Wrex and let Ashley in on it, but not the full story.  Both times they omitted what ended the program.

  Regis sat down on the edge of the messed-up bed, making a note to clean up the apartment before locking it back up.  “I’m glad he told you.  It’s not easy for us to talk about.”

  “That’s one hell of an understatement,” Zaeed said, shaking his head.  “I wondered if he only told me because he was at home while doing it.”

  Regis made a thoughtful expression.  “Partly.  He’s always had a good support system in his parents.  Damn near became mine in some aspects.  Did they adopt you?”

  “Instantly,” Zaeed laughed.  “His mother is full of energy, and his father takes no bullshit.  Was good talking to both of them, even if it was a bit intense.  Adrian was the same way.  I have no idea where he gets all his energy from.”

  “I ask myself that too, since supposedly Atlas was as mellow as I am,” Regis said, leaning against Zaeed as he sat down next to him.  “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask.  Did you and Vik know each other beyond just in passing?”

  Zaeed pointed at his eye and his scar.  “Guess who healed me up.”

  Small fucking galaxy indeed.   “Surprised I didn’t recognize their work,” Regis said, reaching up to trace the long-healed scar with a light hand.  Zaeed stilled his hand, placing his on top of Regis’s, covering most of the scarring he found so handsome.

  “You were curious about my history with Hackett?  Part of why I trust the bastard so much is that he followed me to Omega when I was having a meeting with Vido, citing a bad feeling.  Should’ve listened to him.  He was always perceptive." He sighed, a faraway look in his eyes appearing.  "When Vido shot me in the face after I disagreed with the Suns' plan to get involved with the Batarian slave trade, he was there to bring me to the nearest clinic.  I was barely clinging to life, and Vik came in like a damn angel, barking orders and getting me on the table.  Hackett watched over me, running up all his leave, until he knew I was able to take care of myself."

  Zaeed let go of his hand, but Regis still cupped his face.  He closed his eyes.  "Vik said that I owed them nothing, and since then, they were the first place I would stop if I needed a tune up.  They've offered to correct the scarring and my eye color, but it's a reminder.  A reminder that I fucking survived and will get my revenge."

  Sounded like Vik, always willing to help anyone that stumbled into their clinic.  Regis wanted to know more about his past with Hackett.  If he had to guess, there was something more between them at some point, a devotion that likely broke apart due to their differing paths.  

  At least they were still friends, despite it all.  And now he had a new story to grill Vik about.  

  Regis pulled him in close, tracing the scar once more before peppering it with kisses.  "And you will.   I'll make sure of it."

  "Never doubted you for a goddamn moment.  Heard you're doing something for Kasumi after we deal with the convict," he replied, brushing against his lips. "You have quite the heart.”

  Regis returned his teasing kiss, humming in response.  “Only for those I like.”

  “Then I consider myself very special and lucky to be part of that,” he whispered, breaking apart from the kiss.  “Never been a good man, Regis, but you and Kaidan make me feel like one.”

  “I’m not a good man either,” Regis said, whispering into his ear.  “But in his eyes, we’re enough as we are.”

  Zaeed pressed his forehead against his.  “I suppose that’s all that matters.”

In time, they’ll break apart, and Regis will start to clean up the apartment, getting it ready for whoever else needs it in their family.  They will turn back to the mission, turn back to Regis’s plan to get information out of Aria.  They will fall back into their outward roles, a ruthless commander and a legendary, vicious merc, fighting under a flag they want to burn to the fucking ground.

  But here and now?  Regis was going to clear the air. Once and for all.

  “After this, after we’re done here and back on that ship…” Regis trailed off, meeting his gaze.  “We’re going to talk and negotiate and I want us to try again.”

  “I don’t want you to rush into anything,” he said softly.  

  “I’m not.  It's about reclaiming myself and my body and who I am.  And I want you to relearn me and all that's changed after what they did."

  Zaeed nodded, holding his gaze.  “I get it.  Hell, after what Vido did it took time for me to get back to ‘normal.’  I understand how it feels to be a goddamn stranger in your body.  We’ll talk, and we’ll figure things out.  Make sure we’re on the same page.”

  “But don’t get me wrong, I love what we have now.  Shit, it’s one of the few good things about this mess,” Regis replied, feeling his face heat up.

  “You blush so easily,” he teased. “I’m sure Kaidan caused plenty of that before I got here.”

  “More than,” Regis said, closing his eyes, wanting to savor and remember their encounter for as long as he could.  “I wanted so much more time.”

  “I’m sure we’ll make as much time as possible after this mess,” Zaeed said, sounding hopeful.  “Let’s make sure we keep our promise to stay safe.”

  “Especially since we’re about to face Aria,” Regis said, bringing them back to the present.  “There’s nothing to gain now that I’m back, so do you think she’ll budge?”

  If not, he wasn’t worried about breaking her number one rule.  

  “Likely.  We ‘dealt’ with Archangel and a bunch of goddamn idiots, so that has probably worked in her favor.  I doubt she’ll keep it a secret to you if you come to her point blank with what you know.” Zaeed said, crossing his arms. "After we clean up, you want to handle it now?"

  "Nah, Kaidan and I were the ones that made the mess," Regis said, already moving to start stripping down the bed.  “But yes, I want to get answers as soon as possible, that way I can confront Lawson about it later.”

  "Take the damn help.”

  Regis rolled his eyes but motioned for him to join him.

  Felt like domesticity.  Something Regis craved.  The act of existing and living with his partners, carrying out mundane day-to-day tasks without the presence of their duty hanging over him.

Soon he’ll be able to make choices for himself again.  Soon he’ll be out of this mess.  Soon the galaxy will be rid of the Collector’s problem.

  But being able to see Kaidan again, to form their triad again is victory enough for now.

[savepc2023]

You asked for crumbs of my boyo, time for me to ask back. CAN WE GET SOME BACKSTORY OR FUN FACTS ON BRYNN? This odd pretty boy. I need to know him.

Also, for funsies. Which one of your PCs do you think would most likely end up in prison? Which one would most likely get kidnapped? Which one would most likely become a parent (becoming a parental figure works too)?

Most likely to end up in prison:

.. Angel😮‍💨 She mostly stays away from stealing people's stuff(unless they were trying to rape him, then they don't feel bad anymore and just steal everything they can), but he'd most likely go to prison because of.............drum roll pls............✨violence✨. Angel is a rather emotional character, unlike my other PCs. She sees something wrong being done and he will step in, and to a much higher degree.....beat the shit out of you.

They're lucky she hasn't gone to prison yet.

Most likely to get kidnapped:

Brynn. Now Angel's the one to get canonically kidnapped, but if we push that aside then Brynn. He's famous. Really famous. And really pretty, too. So here's the thing, his fame as a model outweighs his sex fame, but even the model photoshoots are mostly lewd so like.yeah. so for other folk in the town, it's like bumping into your favourite porn star in the streets or smth while rumours that they'll suck you off if you give them a 100 are drifting in the air.💀💀💀 Some sick mf might be a 'fan' or smth and want to keep him to themself. And unlike Caelan(huge body type + can smack you reall hard) and Angel(will beat your ass and steal your belt), Brynn is very physically weak. So it would be an easy kidnapping, too.

Most likely to become a parental figure:

First I was thinking Caelan but then I was like nah that's too obvious, then I thought Angel. But Angel has more of a big sibling aura so we're going with Caelan. They're really calm, collected and mature. And most importantly: they scare off potential creeps with just a glare. It'd be comforting for the other orphans to have someone like that with them, it's almost like they have a nice Bailey that won't sell them at the drop of a hat. They also give good advice and hugs, so. Catch them wrapping up presents for every orphan three months before Christmas.

Now for more stuff about Brynn:

Sometimes he does stuff only for the aesthetic. Like he pretends he looooooooooooves strawberries but he actually hates how tart they are. He feels the need to keep up the 'UwU femboy' image

He wants to dye his hair at some point. He's asked Niki about it before during a shoot but Niki just went 'do whatever you want'

On the topic of Niki, Brynn probably talks to him the most. Well he's the person he says the most words to in a row. Normally Brynn likes to keep himself busy in stuff, and even if he isn't he's fidgeting with his sleeves. Can't do any of that for three whole hours while on the job so. He just asks Niki random shit and Niki responds either with a hum or a short sentence.

He's thought about using kaomojis during text, they're cute and stuff. But he has no patience for that so no kaomojis😔 he's dry af btw.

But you know what's not dry?........THAT PENI-

Brynn's been fucking in the streets in exchange for money for a long time. Way before the in game stuff happens. Yk how when you first walk out of the orphanage you're immediately attacked then a rando gives you a pepper spray? Yeah that was the day he decided he wanted to dress up a bit. He's always been more attracted to feminine stuff but too shy to go through with it. So yeah, he got out in a skirt and he... Made more money with it. Like judt in general the money he was being paid increased. So he went lol profit and kept doing it. But....he really didn't like it when they called him a girl and then were surprised when he had a pp and maybe even degraded him for it. So now he avoids doing anything to his face or hair, so he's like. Evidently a boy in a dress/skirt.

Another orphan works at the brothel, and told Brynn that he could earn more by working there too. Brynn didn't think for even a moment, he refused instant lmao. The work environment there and the lack of security is gonna scare him off.

He likes bananas

[filmophilea]

the different stages of song writing from one falling chair to the other › ej & elena.

the page is bare except for the title on the top left corner, ‘there are monsters in my closet.’ slender digits fidget with the pen, cap dislodged as he carefully swirls it between the back of his thumb and index. the piece of paper is so blank and depressing that it’s screaming back at him in despair but he thinks to himself, this isn't too bad. the deadline is, what, in a day? totally doable.

so he proceeds to wait until the last possible minute before starting and the next thing he knows he’s couped in a hotel room somewhere in tokyo, a show to catch in eight hours, sleep to bank on for at least three and an album draft that he’s got absolutely nothing on.

he doesn’t sit himself down, even though he really should. instead he makes a run for the lawson’s a block away because he needs all the sustenance he can get as he sources his folders on his phone that somehow contains 243 unread articles.

53:41 length youtube documentary from 2008.

safari? maybe so, inspiration could be sitting somewhere in the 103 tabs open.

the elevator door dings, opens wide and he slips inside, eyes constricting at the brightness of his screen.

click, scroll, click, tap, tap, boom. brightness fixed. there are monsters in my closet. cool, cool, cool, he’s got this.

six words, twenty-six letters. he thinks to the speed writing song seminar he just attended, thinks on the 80/20 rule and lets his thoughts wander as he aimlessly makes his way out of the elevator. the doorman greets him and ej salutes because why not?

then he thinks of coffee. it's technically my first coffee of the day because it's past midnight, he thinks as he ponders over hot or iced, decaf or caffeinated. he thinks hard over something that should be an easy decision but alas there’s a preschool that he passes by and he stops in the middle, stealing references from their educational and promotional posters. his japanese is basic at its best but he can read pretty well.

leave the lights on. the stars don’t want to sleep until it’s time. good night.

click, scroll, click, tap, tap. an email chain is sent to his creative director and fellow producer, 4:13am: is being a dumb fuck a valid reason for an extension? he snorts and think of the title funny as he tries to configure how to set the font in times new roman, size 12, double spaced. how the fuck do you do this on the phone?

he breezes through the entrance of lawson and makes his way to the refreshments aisle where several tables are conveniently set adjacent to. he purses his lips and pulls a stool to sit on, picking up on the original task. writing the set list? the email? no yeah no, the archives you dumbfuck.

he sorts through a few drafts he actually likes. more than a few, there’s actually quite a lot of it and who knew being in a 24-7 convenient store would give all the motivation? an hour passes and the only thing he can think of is did i just plagiarize an original work of mine? fuck it, we ball, and then hits submit. it’s quarter to six now and he knows this because his alarm jolts him awake just as a figure crouches over the aisle right across, a small section allotted animals. food and toys and a few other knick knacks that puts any pet store’s decor to shame because theirs is actually pretty well made. he stares at ground and tries to find his way back to his own business when he sees the kuromi tattoo on the ankle. he takes a second glance at her profile, a loud gasp bubbling from his lips.

“oh shit, elena?!” he hurriedly stands in excitement so quickly that he stumbles over his own footing, knocking over several stools on top of the other like a domino effect. the staff behind the counter begins to shuffle towards the rare commotion and he quickly grabs her by the arm, tossing one over her shoulder and ushering her towards the exit.

he thinks he hears laughter from her but he could be hallucinating. and wow is that the sun? it’s morning time?

and when she tells him what a coincidence it is that they’re both in town at the same and she asks him how he’s been, he tells her, “i think understand my next album a lot less now. how about you?”

[countlessrealities]

@alm1ghtysea sent: "Aren't you supposed to be patrolling Paris with your Lady friend, Chat Noir?" With Paris in Halloween spirits, he would rather put on some disguise himself. He was observing the feline hero from afar, but it just so happens they cross paths again in which Kaito finds his timing a little suspicious, but he decides to call him out for that, no matter what intention it is. ( have Kaito calling his shit out for it lol)

Following Kaito, or, as Plagg would have put it, stalking him, wasn't what Adrien had meant to do when he had left his bedroom for his and Ladybug's daily patrol. He had reached their meeting point and waited, for almost an hour, but his partner had been a no show, and not for the first time.

Deep down, he knows that he can't resent her too much. It can't be easy to balance her duties as Guardian with her superhero obligations and her everyday life. He can only imagine how much extra lying she has to be doing now, to keep anyone from discovering her secrets.

However, that's also the reason why he wishes she would allow him to shoulder some of those responsibilities. They are a duo, they are supposed to help each other, especially when no one else can. Yet, he keeps finding himself cut out and denied. He understands, or at least he tries to, and he trusts Ladybug to know what's best, but it's hard not to feel discarded and not valued.

He knew that he couldn't have stayed there, ruminating over those thoughts. Indulging in such negative feelings is dangerous, for him more than for most people. So, he had done the first thing that had come to his mind and gone checking Kaito's usual routes. A bit telling perhaps, but it's a good distraction as any other.

If asked, the teen superhero would claim that his choice is Plagg's fault. The kwami has been nagging him with the idea of approaching his friend as Cat Noir for days and days now, so can anyone really blame him for having agreed out of exasperation? The creature is as stubborn as they come and there's no changing his mind when it has been made up.

What he wasn't expecting is for Kaito to greet him with such an accusatory question. Usually people are delighted to run into him, whether he is wearing the mask or not, but the older teen has more than once expressed a negative opinion about Adrien's superhero persona, for reason that Cat Noir himself can't figure out. After all, the two of them have hardly ever interacted.

Plagg's idea is dumb for that reason too, but maybe this is a chance that he can exploit anyway. Not to charm his friend, of course, but at least to try and change what he thinks of the cat-themed superhero.

"Yeeeah, supposed to is exactly the right word for it," he answers with a casual shrug, leaning on his stick. "Milady is very busy these days, so at times I patrol on my own. Cats are very independent beings, don't you know?"

He flashes Kaito his most charming, confident grin. What he has said isn't the full truth, because Ladybug has stood him up, but he hasn't been lying about the rest.

"I was actually almost done with it, so, since I saw you all on your own, I thought to stop and say hi. I was feline friendly, is it so bad?"

[sage-nebula]

I finished Persona 4 Golden last night, so like I did with Persona 3 before it, here are my overall thoughts on the game now that it's over. (And yes, I did go through Marie's dungeon, so I did get the full and complete True Ending.)

Overall Score: 6.5/10

The Pros:

— The gameplay was good, which isn't a surprise since it's the improvements in P4 that translated over to P3P. Unlike with P3, I had the option to control my party members on from the get-go, and I also enjoyed how Rise's scans became increasingly more OP the more you completed her social link / leveled her up. It's nice to not have to play a guessing game with enemies to figure out what their weaknesses are. Although all the yellow on the UI hurt my eyes, the menus were still easy to navigate and weren't too busy, something that I unfortunately can't say for the sequel yet. — As far as the murder mystery element goes, they did a good job not making the actual culprit too obvious, while also sprinkling in some red herrings here or there. That's not to say the murder mystery element was handled perfectly (it really wasn't), but they did well not making the real culprit too obvious from the outset, which was one of the flaws that P3 had. (Although, P3 wasn't trying to be a mystery, so there is that to consider.) — The characters that were good were really good. I enjoyed Naoto and Kanji the most, but Yukiko, Rise, and Nanako were also really good characters. Even Chie grew on me, even with Erin Fitzgerald's tendency to hurt my ears with all her screaming. — Being able to work on schoolmate social links outside of school was a huge improvement over P3. I had a very hard time both finishing the SEES social links and also having stuff to do near the end of the game because of how schoolmate social links couldn't be worked on during off days. That not being an issue in P4 was a huge improvement. — At first I didn't like that we were staying with family instead of in a dorm, but the Dojima family really grew on me and I enjoyed their social links. I managed to max both Dojima and Nanako's social links before shit in the fan later in the game, and it made everything have a heavier impact. — It's cool that the party members you don't bring with you can come in as calvary units sometimes. It makes sense that they would, since they're ostensibly all going on the missions with you even though you can only have four party members at a time. — Being able to change costumes without having it affect armor is another improvement over P3. Sometimes I want to look cool without having to sacrifice defense for it, ok. Lemme be fashionable. You can't save the world if you aren't cute etc. — I did enjoy the visual novel style of P3P, but also I liked being able to see the characters actually interact with each other in the real world too (which I knew FES had, so it's not as if that was never a thing for P3; it was just P3P). Maybe someday we can get a version of P3P that fully utilizes the updated hardware it's ported to. — Some of the music was really catchy. — I loved being able to visit Tatsumi Port Island and Gekkoukan High again . . . just like I love how Inaba itself is a place that we visited briefly in P3, and Yukiko is a character we'd met previously when she was in junior high. I LOVE continuity like that, it makes my heart so happy.

The Neutrals:

— My feelings on Marie are really mixed. On the one hand, it's interesting to have a character that is a through-line for the plot; she's the third person that Yuu meets upon arriving in Inaba (because she picks up that paper he dropped and gives it back to him), she's almost constantly in the Velvet Room, and ultimately she's kind of the final boss, in a way. Like she's a part of the final boss. Her theme music is also pretty and some of her interactions were fun.

On the other hand, it's 2023, so tsundere characters aren't really appealing to me at this point in my life and it was aggravating as hell to go into the Velvet Room and have to button mash through another stupid poem when all I wanted to do was fuse some Personas so I could get on with the dungeon. Marie getting upset ten times in a row because I was forced to read her stupid poetry did not endear me to her character. Ultimately I don't hate Marie, but I think that she could have been better implemented, and her shtick of being tsundere hasn't aged very well. — Similarly, Yosuke was really hit or miss. For a lot of the story he worked well as The Leader Who Could Talk since Yuu is basically a silent protagonist. He kept the group focused and on target of solving the mystery, and had a personal stake in it from the get-go given his crush on Saki. But on the other, his homophobia toward Kanji was fucking rank, as was his perversion toward the girls, particularly the scene where he tries to guilt-trip them into changing into the bathing suits he bought them. Ultimately Yosuke is not one of my favorite characters in the game, but I don't hate him, either. There's worse characters in the game that save him from the scrappy heap. — I understand that this is a game series made by a corporation, and so it makes sense that it's not going to go gung-ho against the anti-capitalist message, but it still is disappointing that the very realistic plot of "big box store comes to small town and ruins their small businesses / gentrifies the area" was not only never followed through on, but also had its teeth completely ripped out in the ending scenes where Junes is playing nice with the small businesses by allowing them to set up shop in the building. Again, I understand that this isn't Night in the Woods, the anti-capitalism / anti-gentrification message isn't the point, and so it's not the biggest deal in the world. But it still was a little disappointing. — This game suffers from something a lot of JPRGs suffer from, and that something is The Illusion of Choice. It's something where you're given multiple dialogue options to choose from, but no matter what you choose the end result—sometimes right down to the dialogue—is the same.

Again, this is a standard of the genre; JRPGs by and large don't have multiple endings (or at least not ones that are determined by your response), so The Illusion of Choice is something to expect when picking one up. But still, something that would be fun for Atlus to consider in the future would be something akin to what you see in WRPGs, which is a party member approval system. If I act like a jackass to my party members, they should treat me accordingly. The social links I build (or don't) should have at least a minor effect on the plot (like Dojima's treatment of Yuu after the warning note should differ depending on whether you bonded with him or not). Again, it's not a make-or-break thing, it's expected in the genre, but it still is a little disappointing. — The whole sequence with identifying the target —> asking around for info about the target —> go into a reskinned dungeon to find the target felt very repetitive after a while. As did hearing the "oh noes don't say it!!" re: the "you're not me" scenes, which felt forced at times. This is a minor nitpick, because it wasn't a huge detriment to the game or anything, but it was just a little repetitive is all. — I have complicated feelings on how Naoto's story played out. She's one of my favorite characters in the game, easily. But everything about how her Shadow was presented made it seem as if she was actually a transboy, only for the game to play it as "she's not trans, she just has internalized misogyny." Which, okay . . . but even later in her social link she's saying again that she wishes she could have been born a boy? Only to walk that back again? But she also has no issues with she/her pronouns and dresses more femininely in the epilogue. I don't know. I don't want to misgender her, which is why I use she/her pronouns since that's what she uses in the game after the gender reveal, but it's just a very weird and complicated situation, particularly since it was written with a Japanese audience in mind rather than an American one. I don't know where I stand on it.

The Cons:

— The anti-queer bigotry in this game is . . . immense. From the stereotyped way that Kanji's Shadow behaved, to Yosuke's homophobic treatment of Kanji (right down to lowkey accusing him of being a rapist during the camping trip), to the transphobia surrounding the drag show (both in how everyone reacted to the male characters dressed in drag, to how the male characters acted toward having to do it) . . . it was bad. I've seen some things that say that P4 was progressive for its time in letting Kanji be a main party member, and I can acknowledge that perhaps that's true. But it didn't make it any easier for me, a queer woman, to sit through in 2023. It was super gross and severely lessened my enjoyment of the game. — There's also a lot of fatphobia and . . . uglyphobia? . . . I don't know what to call it. But like, Kubo was creepy looking, and he turns out to be a murderer. Morooka-sensei is a horrible teacher and person, and he was designed with massive buckteeth and bad hair. Hanako is cartoonishly obese and an awful person, and her weight is turned into a joke when she breaks Yosuke's scooter by just sitting on it, and so on and so forth. The game basically holds the idea that, "If you are ugly and/or fat, you're a bad person," which again, is not funny nor good, and I don't think is even a "fair for its day" thing. It's just really distasteful, especially since there are scenes with these characters that you can't avoid. — I really hated a lot of the sexualization when it comes to the female party members. The biggest offender here is Rise's Shadow. The whole strip club thing was bad enough, but you could try to argue that, hey, Kanji's was a bathhouse, so it's fair play. But during the battle against Shadow Rise, when she uses her ultimate attack, her Shadow literally humps the stripper pole and lets out a loud, sexual moan. That's vile. Rise is a sixteen-year-old girl, and even though that was her Shadow instead of her . . . the Shadow is part of her, and the Shadow is meant to be like, sixteen-year-old girl but monster. I understand these games are made with a teenage audience in mind, but it's still super gross and I was disgusted and super uncomfortable by it. — In addition to Shadow Rise, there were multiple strip tease shots of the girls in bathhouses; female characters who were introduced by the camera panning up their legs and over their bodies; many, many, MANY jokes made about Teddie and Yosuke trying to peep on the girls, etc. These "jokes" would also go on for unbearably long at times, be in animated cutscenes, etc. It's not funny. The humor didn't land. I didn't enjoy it.

— Speaking of Teddie! I fucking despise him! I hate literally everything about this stupid fucking bear. I hate his voice. I hate how perverted he is, and how it's played for laughs or played as charming. I fucking despise how often he flirts with / talks about hitting on Nanako (like when he wanted to greet her with a kiss when she came home from the hospital? Nanako is SIX YEARS OLD you filthy fucking creep, stay away from her!!). His scenes are not funny. His character is not cute. "I was a Shadow that somehow gained sentience" isn't a plot thread that was handled in a remotely interesting way, especially with everything else going on; it just felt distracting and pointless, since I hated Teddie so much by that point that the only reason I maxed his social link is because the game gave me no other choice. I was so excited when it looked like he died and so disappointed when he was brought back. I hate him more than I hate the main villains of the game. If I could light his stupid bear costume on fire, I would. Worst character by far, bar none, this is a Teddie Hate Blog. — Speaking of plot lines being handled poorly: while I'm glad that ultimately she didn't die, Nanako being temporarily fridged for the drama is not something that I appreciated or liked, especially since how she came back to life was never explained and made no sense. I mean, she was dead for a while. Her brain was without oxygen for a long time. As someone whose mother died from her brain being without oxygen for too long, it's just not realistic nor possible for Nanako to have come back from that without severe brain damage. I get that there are a lot of unrealistic things in this fantasy game, but still. Made no sense, was done for cheap drama, and ultimately shouldn't have been. Either stick to your guns and actually kill the child, or just don't have that enter the equation at all. — I also feel that there was just too much of a Guide Dang It element to getting to the True Ending. Like I was reasonably suspicious of Adachi by that point in the game, but I still needed to look things up beforehand to know that not following through on the revenge impulse against Namatame was necessary in order to avoid the Bad Ending, and I feel like a lot of players would believe the game telling them "yeah Namatame did it, he confessed to doing it, he's not sorry for doing it" and be tricked into the bad ending therefore. Then there's everything with Marie, and hunting down Izanami . . . I had to look up how to trigger the real ending by going to Junes a second time since there was nothing in the game telling me to do that. Kind of frustrating how missable things like that are, and not the best game design. — I know they couldn't exactly repeat the whole thing with Tartarus and the Dark Hour (or at least they wouldn't be able to without some serious plot explanations of Persona 3 and why what was done at the end of that game was undone or whatever), but I was never able to take the "we went into the TV!!" thing seriously. It sounded stupid from beginning to end. And while I understand wanting to have this game accessible to people who didn't play the third one (like how the third one was accessible without having played the first two) . . . I kept trying to rationalize this "TV world" with Tartarus and the Dark Hour and I was never able to connect the dots to make it seem like cohesive worldbuilding. It's like they took the worldbuilding from the first game and just chucked it out the window. Which would be fine if this was a different universe, but with characters like Yukiko being in it, it's very clearly not. It kept taking me out of the game over and over again and I wish they had built the story of Persona 4 to better mesh with what was set in Persona 3.

— Lastly, I think they tried to cram multiple plots at once into this game, and it just did not work. If the game focused solely on the murder mystery—nothing about Teddie being a Shadow, Marie being a fragment of a goddess, the goddess herself having beef because her ex-husband was a jackass—then they could have really beefed up the murder mystery and made the whole plot feel more cohesive and grounded, even with the lunacy of traveling into another world via TV sets. As it stands though? The goddess plot felt wholly separated from the murder mystery plot, and as a result felt a lot like a "plot twist" that was tacked on at the end just to pad out the game and make it longer. Yes, Edogawa-sensei told us the story of Izanami and Izanagi when we were at Gekkoukan High; but I got rid of Yuu's original persona so early that I forgot his persona was even called Izanami to begin with, so again, it felt out of left field to me. They just tried to do too many things with this game, and as a result ended up making all of them pretty lukewarm. In the end, this game was okay. I will probably never play it again, because I think P3P was much better and I would rather replay that one if I was going to replay a Persona game. But it wasn't completely awful, either.